


The Wacky Adventures of the Earth Empress

by Mr_A_Firebender



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: ALL THE POLITICS, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Averting Tropes, Crack Epic, Duelling, Earth Kingdom (Avatar), Earth Kingdom Bureaucracy, Empress Toph, Epic Battles, Fire Lord Zuko, Fire Nation (Avatar), For Want of a Nail, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV's just a sidekick, The Avatar is an idealistic very powerful idiot, Toph Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 101
Words: 1,040,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22805290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_A_Firebender/pseuds/Mr_A_Firebender
Summary: Act II is finally out!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Hundred Year War is over. The Earth Empire has emerged victorious. The Fire Nation's crippled. The Water Tribes are in disunity. And the Air Nomads are made of one man.Meet the victors! The Avatar, a well-meaning pacifist who has no idea how world politics or intrigue work. The Fire Lord, stressed between being his father's son and being the Avatar's ally. And the most important one, because she said so herself and this book is telling us the truth, Toph, the Earth Empress.Follow the Empress as she travels the Empire, trying to reform it (with earth pillars), fight bandits (with earth pillars) and help allies (with earth pillars).The 'Age of Peace' is going to be far from peaceful.Just remember, shout TEN THOUSAND YEARS! and your problems vanish.
Relationships: The Earth Kingdom & Itself, The Earth Kingdom & The Four Nations, Toph Beifong & The Earth Kingdom, Toph Beifong & The Gaang
Comments: 23
Kudos: 33





	1. A Coronation or Two

**Author's Note:**

> For a new reader:  
> Meet Mori: Mori's a Kyoshi Islander, blood of Kyoshi, a nonbender, whiskey-lover, cousin of Suki, and betrothed to Toph by means of long-winded (read: kidnapping) arraigned marriage. That's all you need to know.
> 
> This is a story of politics and intrigue with a little helping of bloody battles and campaign planning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Coronation time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this first chapter, please remember to bookmark it for the future!  
> This may look small now, but the wordcount gets quite high.
> 
> TEN THOUSAND YEARS! Let's go!

Chapter Sixty-Seven:

Everybody gets a Coronation!

A message to you Imperial Archivists. Why is this the sixth-seventh chapter as opposed to the first? May I refer you and your companions to a chronicle of the past year of campaigning, daring idiocy and whiskey drinking. I lost an eye, but I can't see a problem with that. With that in mind, I was granted this journal as a gift from His Royal Highness, soon-to-be Fire Lord Zuko. It went something like this:

So I was walking around this pond in what was supposed to be the Royal Estate in the capital of the Fire Nation, except all the royalty were dead and or not present. Wait, you may ask. What am I doing in there? Well I grew tired of listening to some Fire Sage talking about energy and chi paths and how they relate to being Agni's Chosen so I followed the trail of corpses over to the quarters of the Royal Family. They were once lived in by the likes of Sozin, Azulon and Ozai. Real friendly types. Now Ozai's ashes can tell Sozin's ashes "you were really stupid" while a small Earth Empress traipses about their holy hole. From their estates, I ended up at this peaceful turtleduck pond. I’d say it was peaceful, but it was littered with the bodies of the last despot who decided to reside here. They died as they lived, standing stiffly next to pillars nobody ever walked past.

So future-Fire Lord Hotman has his dragon, Druk, and he flies over, Druk screeches a bunch, and he lands next to the turtle duck ponds. The turtle ducks flap defensively because they're just that imposing. Hurricanes sent letters to Druk telling him to tone it down, but he roared at the sky instead. The Royal Metalbending Guard, a few moments before renamed to the Imperial Metalbending Guard, backed up towards me in a defensive circle. The Dai Li who finally got their conical hats over to me were crowning all the walls of the compound. Druk’s wings couldn’t move them for they rooted their stone shoes. Instead, their coats flapped and they dipped their heads so the hats took the brunt of the winds. Had I raised my hand, all their rock gloves would be assailing Fire Lord Flameo’s dragon. One rock glove is all that it takes to snap his neck, but I wasn’t in the mood for finding a new Fire Lord so I relaxed instead.

Azula was being shipped off to Lake Laogai to give the Dai Li someone entertaining to bother, Iroh was playing Pai Sho with the Generals, or were they Lotuses, of the White Lotus, and...well, I can’t see Ozai as being the type of guy to father random bastards. Then again, I can’t tell distance, so I guess I have no clue. 

I gestured for my Imperial Guards to give us _some_ room and they backed up. “Good afternoon, Your Imperial Majesty,” Zuko said, almost falling off Druk’s saddle and stumbling into a proper royalty-to-royalty bow. He looked partway between in distress and relaxed. So...a few moments from combusting. “Good afternoon-” _what is your title?_ So I poked him with the title that was most appropriate. “-Eventually Fire Lord?” he sternly refused to smile. Note, Zuko hates smiles. “Crown Prince.” He stubbornly refuted. I countered with “but who unbanished you?” and he seemed visibly annoyed. Granted, he’s _always_ visibly annoyed. Druk leaned in to take a sniff of me, _yes, you smell like burned people and fire flakes, you ancient harbinger of death and toasted steaks_. “Nobody. The person currently ruling the Capital tends to be the only one with that option..." and he gestured to the smoke plumes. _Yes, Zuko, everything's on fire. You live in the Fire Nation._ "So I might've done it myself, but” and I improperly cut him off to say what he was hiding beneath a simple 'but'. “And the person currently ruling the Fire Nation is Her Imperial Majesty”. His head nod could tell a story of its own. “Let me guess, you want to be officially unbanished” and he nodded again. _Oh how honorable._ “Okay, I’ll go get you unbanished.” and I turned around and walked away.

“Wait, Your Majesty!” he called out, his footsteps giving chase to me. As I was walking it took him less time than to read this sentence to catch up. “Yes? I would like to get this unbanish thing done so I can go back somewhere colder” I said, coldly. “I’d like to give you a gift" _Is it a new type of whiskey?_ I pondered and had to stop myself to ponder. Also because it's a polite thing to do. “Thank you for the gift, whatever it is. As long as it’s not secretly an assassination” I said, casually, and his normal eye widened a smidge. “No, no,” and he brought his hands up as if I was going to summon an earth spike. _I wasn’t_. “It’s a peaceful gift. It’s a journal for you to record your events in”. A few fingers of time, lots of footsteps, one accidentally-tripped-into-a-vase-sending-it-smashing later, he handed me a blank journal with no emblems or insignia. “It was supposed to be made for me but-” and I jumped to the first conclusion. “You took an arrow to the eye?” _whoops, Fire Lord slip up_. He visibly winced. “Wrong Fire Lord” he reminded me, still wincing.

And that was the long story of how I obtained a new journal. He also taught me that you’re supposed to throw bread to the turtle ducks. But I misheard him due to a certain ancient harbinger of death and toasty foods roaring. "Future Flame King, how do you not go deaf” I shouted, and he responded with a “I can’t hear you”, ceasing his tirade about bread and turtle ducks and _world piece?_ “Did you say world piece or world peace?” I screamed over the roaring ancient mythical beast and companion of his. “I said world piece!” he shouted. _Ah, a fellow fan of colonization. Glad to be friends with you. Don’t tell His Holiness Lord Twinkletoes_ . _Now I’ve got to go get you unbanished, which I can't do, sorry, so we can get a trade deal going and also maybe recuperate from this conflict._

“His Imperial Majesty!” the pair of Imperial Firebenders at the door -more like a curtain- called out, before bowing military-to-royalty. I stepped through and into the Dragon Throne Room. Her Imperial Majesty was _not_ sitting in the Fire Lord’s chair, instead sitting on her own throne which itself was sitting in front of it. The guards that were milling about, cleaning up bodies and making the floors nice and slippery kowtowed.

“Kyoshi!” she cried. I attempted to be polite in the audience of the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits and Empress of Ten Thousand Years. I was in the progress of getting into a kowtow but instead got grabbed by a rock glove. _Hey Dai Li, treason time is later._ Of course, it wasn’t the Dai Li. It was Her Imperial Majesty. Who proceeded to drag me across the large room and up to her chair. “You bored of this place? It’s too hot for me” she said, crossing her arms, causing the rock glove to send me tumbling into a pillar. Plus, she was sitting just in front of a wall of fire. “You’re sitting in front of a wall of fire” I noted. “The Palace itself is too hot for me” she launched back, and by launched I mean she uncrossed her arms, causing me to fly into the _other_ pillar. “Would you prefer somewhere colder, like-” “-if you were going to say the North Pole, nah. Too cold. I want to go home” and she released me from her grip. _Ow_. _Home like Gaoling or home like Ba Sing Se. Or maybe home like my home, the Ancestral Seat of the Whiskey-Lovers. That's not the official name but I can dream. Well, I’ve got a one in three chance._ “Ba Sing Se?” I said, hoping I was right. And she grinned. “Yup. Campaign’s no longer fun when we have nobody to punch” and she punched the air for emphasis.

“Can we discuss more important stuff?” I asked the Empress. _Why did you ask that, self? Don’t you know what the answer is?_ “Important stuff? You mean like importing some of this hippo cow steak” and she waved her hand. “Attendants, some hippo cow steak?” she boomed into the silent room of three generations of Fire Lords. _Wrong Palace. Wrong religion. Wrong continent. Wrong hemisphere._ As if the spirits wanted to prove me wrong, a pair of young women walked forward. “Still cooking, Your Imperial Majesty”. _Of course it is. Of course the Fire Nation takes more time to cook food than the Earth...wait what is our name?_ I walked up to and knelt at her side, facing the entryway. She had important business to attend to and attended to it. “Your Imperial Majesty” I humbly spoke. “Yes, Kyoshi?” she uninterested responded, a finger burrowing into her ear. “What’s our official name? Are we the Earth Kingdom or the Earth-” and she shoved her ear-picking finger in my face. “Empire! The Earth Empire! And I’m the Earth Empress, ruler of all Imperial lands!" and she jumped off her Throne and began laughing, manically. "Muahahahaha!” and she broke down laughing, retracting her fists to kiss them, then flail them about laughing. The pair of Dai Li wandering around in front of us dragging some bloody guy past us halted to bow but I pointed at the body - _might want to take care of that first_ \- and pointed at the doorway, they nodded and kept going. “And you’re the…” but she paused to yawn. _What in the name of you is making you tired? Or is this 'I'm kind of tired' tired?_ “Earth Emperor?” I tried my best to nobly pose to the woman who hadn’t cleaned her feet in months. _Hey, might as well aim for the heights_. “Sure, you want to be the Earth Emperor? Get up and kowtow in front of me. Let’s make this _official._ I could just give you the title right now but I’d prefer showing my _sweet_ powers off!” she said, quite ecstatic and doubly kissy. Fist kissy. Everything else falls into oogies and I refuse to call them anything else, thank you Prince Sokka. “Summon the Imperial Guards! Summon the Generals! Summon anyone I can flaunt these _sweet_ Empress powers to!” she screamed out to the body-cleaning Dai Li and Imperial Guards. A couple of them stopped their janitorial duties and individually followed her wishes. The rest got back to sweeping.

For the next unknown amount of time, _what am I, a clock?_ I remained in a kowtowing position just in front of Her Imperial Majesty. Facing her. Close enough to smell her sweat, far enough to not get kicked in the face by an vagrant chin-hating foot because 'I can't see what I'm doing' which always precedes a kick or whack. Then some horns sounded and a bunch of people showed up. I couldn’t hear their titles over the size of Her Imperial Majesty’s pride but I remained there, kowtowing. I was able to hear them march in, kowtow, and line up some distance behind me. When Toph got out of her chair, I made sure to stiffen up. When she pulled her finger out of her nose, I knew things were serious. Nothing interrupts nose-picking, not even news of entire fleets sinking at harbor.

"What in the name of me are Kyoshi’s titles?!” she asked-yelled. And the crowd behind me shouted out a bunch of different things. “The Imperial Consort!” _The holy title bestowed upon the woman unlucky enough to be the Earth King’s concubine. It’s gotten a new meaning recently._ “The One-Eyed Badgermole!” _The best title, perfect for wrestling and leading an army_ “The Fist of the Queen” _I forgot that one, sounds like a euphemism His Highness, Prince Sokka, would make up._ “Descendant of the Avatar!” _Can’t we get more specific? Kyoshi, not that idiot Kuruk._ “Liberator of Ba Sing Se!” _I guess._ But before they could continue, she held up her hand. The Earth...Empire people knew immediately to be quiet. Imperial? We're Imperials now. I mean we, Her _Imperial_ Majesty and I, were already Imperials. But now the Earth...not a Kingdom, are also Imperials? The Fire Nation ones started making up their own ones like “Liberator of Caldera” and “Agni’s Chosen!”, okay all titles are technically made up but some carry more weight than others. A couple “shhs” from people who were supposed to be quiet themselves gave the crowd the idea to tone it down.

“Kyoshi, step forward!” _what, into you?_ So I stood up, walked a single pace forward, and kowtowed. “Your Imperial Majesty’s humble servant is present!” I shouted like I was being kicked in the shins. “That’s a lie. You are _not_ humble” she quietly whispered, a wonderful counterbalance to my shin-screaming. Not to be confused with Chin-screaming. Or Qin-screaming. The former refers to a man of Chin when he gets punched in the chest. The latter to a old man finding out his invention went kaboom. But because everyone else was being quiet, her whispers echoed and was _not_ a whisper. “Kyoshi” she put her hand on my head. “By the power vested in me -by me- I name you the..." and she stopped to think. "Hold on." So we held. We held our breaths. The entire world held its breath. If you _don't_ hold your breath, you'll be executed for treason. Dai Li are bored, it's been a day since they last did their rock glove thing and they like their rock gloves. "First? First. First Earth Emperor!” and she pinched my cheek, then removed her hand. “Long live me!” she punched the air in self-approval. “Long live the Emperor! Long live the Empress!” The Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors’ distinctive voice announced from a few paces behind me. “Ten Thousand Years!” the Imperials chanted. “Long live! Long live! Long live!” and Toph silenced them all with a foot stomp. “Alright, enough pomp.” and she waved her hand. The Imperials kowtowed and filtered out. The Fire Nationals? Didn’t get the idea. They kept bowing and bowing. They bowed to one another because "I'm sorry, your rank is higher than mine" and such. The White Lotus? Not present. Old People Club has other, more Pai Sho related events to attend.

“So, _Empress_ , why is your _other_ ship throne here?” I asked, poking the golden chair with long rods protruding from the four corners for palanquin use. This was her third ship throne, slightly smaller than her second and first and smaller than the Badgermole Throne itself. Do I get my own third ship throne? Probably. _Of course I do_. “How pleaded with himself to bring it here. Then he did. Can’t say I mind. The...what’s that throne?” and she pointed behind herself at the fire wall. “The fire wall?” and I got a finger to the face. “No. What are you, blind? The _throne_.” _Yes_ , _of course, the throne. "_ The Dragon Throne” which made her buckle over in laughter. “Dragon Throne? What kind of idiot named a throne after-” _Screech_. _Oh good, Zuko has returned_. 

I took it upon myself, after requesting and being given permission to “go wander around and maybe loot something you like” by Her Imperial Majesty, to find the Imperial Guards who had the job of carrying her in here. I walked around the Royal Palace, asking for “the guards responsible for carrying Her Imperial Majesty”. I eventually found them, guess where? _Hint, it’s in the throne room, since it’s their jobs_. “Can I pay you in Fire Nation silver?” I asked the leader of this eight man group. “Your Majesty, we are beyond grateful to be given the task of transporting Her Imperial-” I tossed a silver into his open palm. “Here’s the silver, get yourself one drink for the palace and two for the road” and I tossed each one three silver I had obtained. _It was on the ground, its not stealing if it's on the ground, out in the open, not in a cabinet or any kind of protection_ , I spun around and walked the forty paces back to the throne. There, I sat down next to Toph.

“Your Majesty” a rotund man in Earth Kingdom, wait Earth Empire, _I’m going to hate this, aren’t I?_ marched in through the holy carpet of protection and kowtowed. On his back was a red bow of the Yuyan Archers. At his side was a scabbard with a gold dragon running along it, bearing twin dao. “I see you haven’t died yet” I spoke for Her Majesty, as Her Majesty was busy eating some kind of hippo-cow steak. “Nope. Lost some arrows, got this neat dagger from the last Imperial Firebender though, has some words on it” and he pulled out a small red scabbard. "Words?” I said far too loudly to be with dignity. Then again, Toph continued the tangent with “If you find something I can _hear_ , that’d be optimal”. The old man looked at the scabbard, using the imposing wall of fire behind us to read from it. “It says ‘To my beloved, try not to die’” and General Song, the Imperial Commander of the Army of the West, snorted in laughter. “Well I guess he failed” and his laughter filled the gloomy room with, I don’t know, _not_ gloom? Entertainment? No, that’s my job.

The Badgermole Throne Room is nice and green, and gold, and other bright colors. This place is...black, and red, and more shades of black and red. There’s a yellow canopy above the Dragon Throne but it’s pretty hard to see _with all the fire_. It’s nearly impossible to actually see who is who from partway to the Throne. I don’t know what genius designed this palace, but it doesn’t exude intimidation, it exudes bad architectural planning. You want intimidating? Design your throne room so the bottom two thirds are bright greens and yellows and the top third is so dark that any visitors wouldn’t notice the hundred Dai Li agents hiding, drinking tea, playing Pai Sho, having breakfast, lunch and dinner, from the comforts of the ceiling. Hiding is but one of their roles because very few people are stupid enough to attack the Imperial Palace. They can’t go home -they _have_ jobs- but they can partake in dinner there. We’re not monsters. Back to the Dragon Throne, it’s so dark that if anything I feel sad being in such a holy site. Not because I don’t deserve to be there, _ha_ , because it’s just depressing. _This_ is the pinnacle? Speaking of depressing, the eventually-Fire Lady walked through the carpet. I hope she’s the Fire Lady, and not the crazy nutjob with the terrifying eyelashes and the flirtatious attitude. And all the 'auras'. Because if it's _her_ , the Fire Lord can expect his Fire Lady to flirt more than administrate.

“Where’s Zuko?” she asked, _bored_ , like this was all somehow _boring_. “I have no idea, ask him” the Empress said with a mock bored voice, and she pointed at me. “I have no idea, ask the dragon” and because the spirits themselves hate me, the dragon screeched from _somewhere_ above us. By instinct, I dived for the ground. “What’s _your_ problem” she asked, condescending. Now, us Earth Kingdomers, wait, us Imperials, don’t take kindly to these kinds of insults. Popping out of nowhere, actually they fell from the ceiling, the Dai Li surrounded her. Except one guy, he tripped on his way down and face planted the floor. _Ouch_ . His partner had to help him up, before joining the circle of rock glove wielders. Suki had gotten there first, drew her katana and was less than a finger away from the Fire Lady’s neck.

“Apologize to His Imperial Majesty-” and I raised my hand and yelled “she’s not doing anything wrong! This is just...Mai!” and they all looked to me, well their hats did and Suki's face did, nodded, and walked over to the nearest pillars and walked _up_ them with ease. Except that one bumbling agent, his partner quietly told him “lay off the whiskey, Lee,” before grabbing him and carrying him up the pillar. Suki flamboyantly waved her blade around because nothing says intimidating like makeup-wearing warrior with can-slice-you-in-two katana, _seriously_ , sheathed it, and backed up towards me. If faces could speak, hers probably would say something like “make one more step towards my cousin and I’ll fillet you”. And she would. Suki _loves_ her katana, and fans, and buckler shield, and her legs, and her fists, and her armor, and Sokka. And his convenient "oops I lost my shirt" moments. “Ugh. You and your rules. _I’m sorry, Your Majesty_ ” she said, sarcastically bored. _Sarcastically, bored. That's a new one_. “Save it for the Fire Lord,” and I looked up at the ceiling. “Agents, thanks for being on guard” and one voice, compiled of the agents who had fallen down and had not fallen down, responded, “Ten Thousand Years!” Now, the Fire Nation...janitors walking around had fallen to the floor and were in the process of scurrying away, just as they rose again they were scared into fainting from this single, room spanning voice. The Dai Li know how to speak in sync when they all know the correct response to something. This was one of those moments.

Enough time had passed that I grew tired of eyeing the red-and-black dressed woman with long black hair standing there like a guard, confused by the lifeless gaze of Toph while I was befuddled by how someone of such prominence could be so...lacking any mood of any kind. Not even a conversation like, and I'd mock her voice 'so how’s the Royal Palace Your Majesty' or '“got anything interesting to tell me about the Earth Kingdom' and of course she’d be forgiven for not knowing about the name change. Just before I yawned from it all, she was yawning every couple eye blinks, as she must be in such exhaustion from _doing nothing_ , the dragon screeched again and she began to make words with her mouth, glanced up at the ceiling and I _heard_ some agent call out “afternoon to you too, Lady!”, then shut them. This time, Fire Lord Hotman came through the carpet, causing the three conscious janitors and platoon of Imperial Firebenders who were assigned to drag the unconscious ones out to bow, before walking up behind his Lady and putting a hand on her shoulder. “I hope she didn’t bite Your Majesties” and Toph broke her silence of...wait was _she_ sleeping? To laugh. No reason, just laugh. “Her Highness, the Lady Mai, is a wonderful companion” I said, trying to halt another world-spanning war. She didn’t smile back, why would she, but when Zuko reached his arm around her and hugged her, she maybe, somewhere beneath that deadly glare, smiled. Like a iceberg being tossed into a volcano. Except less intense. A iceberg being melted by one never-ending match in the middle of the never-ending winter. He ran a finger through her hair while Toph took her foot and rested it on my shoulder. _Hey, this is how we do affection in the Earth...Empire. She's yours and I'm hers. For once, our egalitarianism beats yours. And I'm not just saying this because a rock-wielding Empress is slowly breaking my shoulder blade with her heel._

_Don’t kiss, please don’t kiss_ , then, because Toph raised and planted her heel in my shoulder, “Don’t kiss!” I yelped instead of “Ow, Your Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Empress, Daughter of the Spirits, and so on, that hurt!” Zuko turned to me and we traded eye glaring. “I...wasn’t going to kiss her” and she pushed him backwards, showcasing anger. _Thank the spirits. Emotion._ “Really? Well I was going to-” and just as she offered the slightly hint of humanity, Toph threw up her hands. “Enough! Kyoshi, we’re going to a bed. Somewhere! Fire Lord Hotman, where is there a bed for us to take?” and he looked around as if he needed confirmation, then he called “are there any...attendants here?” with a awkward, confused, voice. A pair of young women walked out. “Yes, Your Majesty?” _Oh no, I just remembered that there’s a bunch of Your Majesties wandering about. This is going to go madder than the King of Omashu._ “Show Her and His Imperial Majesties to...a vacant guest quarter...and please...please...treat them well” he said, confidently. With half a dozen confident pauses. He's definitely Fire Lord material. The two bowed to him then walked over to us. “We have just the one” one spoke for both. Toph actually let them lead us. She also didn’t grab me by a rock glove and drag me there. I walked behind her, Suki and others behind and around us, as we walked down a hallway of the Royal Palace that I don’t recall walking through before. 

“Welcome to the Royal Guest Quarters!” One said while opening the doors. _Oh, good, it’s also black and gloomy._ They walked inside and one lit all the candles in the room with quick jabs of fire. Elegant jabs, still jabs. “Have a good rest, Your Majesties. Anything in the room is yours.” the other one said, and the pair bowed. The two walked through a side door of the room and left. The room itself was a large bedroom with one large bed, a four post red canopy over it, and some desks. It had three side doors, counting the one that the attendants walked through. Everything was shades of red and black with motifs of gold dragons watching my every move. It looked like Azula’s room except it smelled of orange-lavender. “Why is it so perfume-y?” Toph asked while genuinely gagging. Perfume is quite repulsive to all earthbenders yet somehow attractive to firebenders. _I have no idea_. I had no idea. Suki took her place as door guard while Toph pulled off her wrestler garb and...smacked me in the face with it. She felt the bed, mumbled something, found a pillow, tossed it to the ground then went to lie down on the floor. I had nothing to do with her clothes, so I put them on the bed. I also wasn’t going to go to sleep so quickly. 

_What’s behind this door?_ I asked myself, walking up to a door next to the bed. I opened the door and came upon...some kind of closet with clothes racks. So I took them out one at a time. _Surely, maybe I might find something to add to my collection_. _So what if it’s an informal robe? Might look great as a contrast with all the blues and greens._ So I took the first article of clothing off a hanger."What is this...silk…? What kind of outfit is this?” I said, running my hands trying to find something...well with any kind of layering. Turns out, it was a two piece bikini. Red, white and black. With a Fire Nation pin in the middle of the upper piece. I flung it backwards and out of my hands as fast as possible, absolutely repulsed by such spontaneous fashion. “Why…” but I couldn’t continue because now Toph woke up. It didn’t take a master strategist to put two and two together and go _oh no_. “What is this?” she screamed out, shaking the room. “It’s...I don’t know, a shirt?” I quivered, unsure of what total nonsense was about to transpire. "You’re lying” and she waved the clothes around as proof. _Oh yeah, lie detection_. “It’s a bikini” I said, my entire charisma having vanished. “Aw, how sweet of you.” she said, sarcastically, and placed it on the bed. “But I hate bikinis” so says the woman dressed in two strips of cloth for undergarments. And she tossed herself back to the floor and back to sleep. She wasn't wearing a blanket, it’s too hot for it.

I continued my search for some informal wear. _Fine, if I can’t find something for me, I can find something for Her Imperial Majesty. Actually, she doesn’t care. But maybe I can find something for Suki_ . “Captain!” I called out, bothering the attempting to sleep but not actually sleeping Toph. Not enough to warrant a rock glove punishment of any kind, though. Water overcomes all? Nah. Laziness overcomes all. “Yes, Your Majesty?” came a voice from outside the door. “Can you come in here and join me for something?” I said a bit quieter out of respect. “Sure thing” and she told one of the other warriors to take her position while she joined me at my side. So I reached back in, randomly, and found...a single color red robe with a black belt. _A bathrobe? A morning robe? What even is this..._ “Suki, what do you think of this? It’s such a simple robe. Why would anyone use it? What even _is_ it?” The following is why Suki is objectively the greatest judge of fashion. Instead of responding, she covered her mouth and giggled. Most of the time, giggling instead of responding to the Imperial Consort, wait, Earth Emperor’s, requests is punishable by execution but…

“Cousin, that’s...that’s not a bathrobe.” and she continued giggling. “What is it?” My cluelessness has no limit, sometimes. Though, in retrospect, it’s to be expected that the consort, _the_ Consort, of Her Imperial Majesty wouldn’t have an understanding of the nuances of clothing. “That’s...that’s well that’s a lover’s robe”. It took me much longer than I’d admit to make the connection. _Oh._ And now _I_ was the one who made the stubbed-toe-dresser noise. I had so many questions. “Why do you know what this is?” was the first, and arguably not that important, one. _Why would I care how she knows?_ “Sokka-” and I cut her off before she could say the next word. “Say no more. Just because I encourage such political alliances doesn’t mean I need to know.” Then something hit me. “Is this what Sokka’s busy with instead of war planning?” and she nodded, _grinned_ , even. See, if I tried this with Toph, I'd be commanded to lead an army. Sokka does it? Giggling. I pulled another piece of clothing out, _another_ red and black top piece of a bikini with a short black skirt. 

Now, the better question. “Attendants!” and a pair of Dai Li showed up. “No, not you guys, the Fire Nation ones!” and the correct ones showed up. “Yes, Your Majesty?” I held up the ‘lover’s robe’. “What in...Agni, let’s say Agni, is this?” and the pair joined Suki in giggling. “Your Majesty, that is _your_ robe” one said, softly. _What insight._ “Mind being more specific? I’m wearing a robe.” I asked, about ready to fling this robe out the window that doesn't exist. And I pointed at the robe that I was, indeed, wearing. Correction, it wasn’t a robe. It was the Imperial Armor on top of the Imperial Informal Wear, which looks like the kimono-tunics of the Kyoshi Islanders. I shouldn’t have asked that question, because the answer would probably make Katara explode into icicles.

“Your Majesty, that is a robe for courtship. We believed, as Your Majesties are a couple, that Your Majesties would be interested in sleeping in this room.” and the second woman, cheerfully, continued where the first one left off. “They say the spirits are strong here, for many Crown Princes and Crown Princesses have been conceived on that bed” and the two brought up their hands and _bowed_ to the bed. Toph must’ve hated her pretend sleeping because she snored, mumbled a bunch of vulgarities about heat and got up. “That’s sweet of you, _really_ . I would _love_ to have-” _Nope. You’re getting cut off_ . “A meeting!” I blurted! With exclamation. "-with Kyoshi.” _How do I get these two out of here before…_ “We’re honored” and they bowed again. Then they walked over to the closet and seemed to shove their hands in at random places and drew out a robe and...a skirt? Where’s the top? _Please don’t try selling me ‘lover’s robes’, I’d rather endure a thousand years of Ty Lee blinking._ Has it occurred to them that maybe the strong spirits are just because this is the room you stick your two recently married individuals in? Will Toph and I break your 'generations of good fortune?' because if so I'm sure Toph would be _much_ happier to break a tradition in a country she's not even the sovereign of.

“Thank you both, I’m _so_ happy to get all these pieces of clothing. Now-” and I made myself much less...concerned and much more angry “-get out!” But the two weren’t fazed. Probably a result of serving Fire Lord Ozai. “Have a good night” and one of them _winked_. To fight nonsense, one must utter nonsense. “You know, when I wink, I blink!” A truer claim has yet to be claimed. “That doesn’t make any sense” Toph realistically, down to earth one may say, corrected me.

Not a moment after I went to lie down on the bed, _hey if the spirits truly are special in this room maybe they’ll regrow an eye_ , Her Imperial Majesty sat up, clambered onto the bed, and smashed my chest with her heel. “You know, trying to mess with two attendants has no point.” she stated, factually. “You’re right. It doesn’t. I was just bored.” I replied, content, and she yawned and tossed herself under the blanket and, the moment I tried to ask a question, began snoring. “Are we going to the Coronation tomorrow, or whenever it is?” I asked the pile of blankets. “Sure, why not.” and she punched my shoulder. She helped me out of my Imperial Armor and I fell asleep before wishing her a good night. 

I woke on fine golden silk cushions bearing motifs of dragons. I hadn’t slept on such fine silk, such a comfortable bed, in...it felt like years. _Before the trenches. Before the artillery. Back in Ba Sing Se; what, a season ago?_ Normally, I’d wake up to Her Imperial Majesty’s face, or if she wants me to serve as a footrest, her feet. In this case, it was neither. I opened my eye and looked at empty space. Rolling over to wake myself up, I sat up and...of course, she was lying on the floor, not in possession of clothes. For our sake, _I never know when the Avatar might stumble in_ , I tossed a blanket on her. There's like a hundred different crimes related to people being executed for viewing Her Imperial Majesty when she's not in possession of clothes and I'm not interested in all the paperwork. “How was your sleep, Your Majesty?” I asked while slumping my head over the side and looking down at her. She stretched her arms and legs, threatening to blow her kind-of cover. “It went well, despite this room being boiling hot.” _Yes, I can tell_. Saving me the hassle of trying to cover her, she actually got up, grabbed her wrappings and put them on. As for her hair? It was all over. Seeing my purpose in front of me, “Would you like me to do your hair while you get dressed?” and she shrugged. _Which means yes_.

Would anyone ever dare telling Her Imperial Majesty to maybe cut the elbow-length hair? Would anyone ever dare _suggesting_ Her Imperial Majesty take a shower? To both, the answer is no. And I’m not going to oppose her choices. Let the Avatar, his girlfriend, and other world leaders be annoyed. So I took her hair and rolled it into a bun. She put on her wrestler outfit. We finished at the same time. To Imperial Archivists, this isn’t some complicated procedure. She’d do it herself but she’s a big supporter of doing multiple things at the same time. As for my clothes? I’m quite capable of putting on the undergarments and that’s not just because I was already wearing them. The Imperial Armor? Toph metalbent it onto me. She slid her arm bracers on while I slung the jian scabbard to my side and we both set out. Only now, somehow, did I notice that she wasn’t wearing her conical battle hat. “Where did your hat go?” and I fixated on the hat-less head of black. Now crowned by the best of crowns, a hair bracelet with two white puffballs. “I have no idea. I think the last time I used it was to cut an ashmaker in two” _Right, the rim is metal, so she can toss it like a throwing weapon and slice someone in two with it. Of course she can._

We arrived in the Throne Room not long after, having an escort of Imperial Guards, Suki and some attendants. Everyone kowtowed, or bowed for those Imperial Firebenders, to us. Except the man behind the firewall. “Your Majesties, I hope you two had a good sleep” one-day-soon Fire Lord Zuko said. I nodded, Toph yawned."We did, Your Majesty” and I got to her side. He got off the Dragon Throne and walked down to where the War Table was. “I forgot to ask Your Majesty to unbanish me” and she laughed. “I got this” and she made her voice all serious and intimidating. “Zuko! Kowtow before me” and he did. “I unbanish you” and she waved her hands around in a disorganized, random, fashion. She turned around and walked towards the curtained-doorway. “That’s it?” he asked, concern nervously shaking in his voice. “Sure, why not.” she waved her hands. And he was...surprised? Confused? But he was _smiling_. “Ten Thousand Years upon Your Majesty!” and he threw up his hands in a royalty-to-royalty bow. I don't know why, but I have a hunch she made that whole unbanishment procedure up. Never before has one monarch unbanished another so she just made history. As she often does.

While I followed Her Imperial Majesty down the main hallway, unsure of where she was going but sure that I’d follow her to whatever end it brought, a tsungi horn blared. “Are we under attack?” I asked the Imperial Guards at our sides. Toph halted, probably to listen to the ground, and the column halted with her. “Footsteps, someone’s _running_ towards us, from over there!” and she spun around and pointed in the direction of the Dragon Throne. The Imperial Guard got into stance, more like a human wall, in front of us. Then the person, rather persons, pillared themselves to the ceiling before _sliding along the ceiling_ . “It’s ours, stand down!” I barked, and the Imperial Guard detached and resumed column formation. The pair fell from the ceiling not far from us, they would never fall _upon_ us, and bowed in Dai Li style. “Your Majesties, news from the...Fire Prince? Crown Prince of Fire?” Their stone voices needed confirmation, so I confirmed the official, Imperial Mandated name. "Almost Fire Lord” with a formal tone. The speaking agent nodded. “News from the Almost Fire Lord. His Majesty is going to be holding his coronation this afternoon and he has invited Your Majesties”. “Can I say no? I was going to go get a mud bath.” Toph gave the official, Imperial reply. I leaned in to whisper. “Your Majesty, this isn’t Ba Sing Se. There aren’t any mud baths here”.

“As there are no mud baths here, tell His Flameoness that I will come.” she said, distraught at the lack of pleasure. The two turned around and pillared themselves back up to the roof for easy transportation. “No wait!” she called out, causing them to halt and hang from the ceiling like utter fools. “Kyoshi, do I say I or we? Are you coming?” Easy. “We" I replied, as she's refering to the two of us. “Tell Angst Lord that _We_ will be attending”. The two stumbled and fell down, not sticking the landing, getting up to give us a Dai Li bow, then pillared back up to the roof and slid off to their objective. Was I actually telling the truth? Yes. As I knew it then, there weren’t any mud baths in the capital of the Fire Nation. Considering the whole siege predicament, I didn’t have time to check if there _were_ any mud baths. It’s not a lie. It’s the truth as I knew it and that’s why it didn’t trigger her lie detector ears. 

We spent the rest of the morning in our private guest bedroom, the one that is supposed to be used for conceiving heirs. I would take scrolls bearing news from the rest of the world and read them to Her Imperial Majesty. If she had any comments, a pile of empty scrolls and ink let me inscribe her thoughts and Suki carrying the Imperial Seal around let me stamp them. After reading the fifth message from Xigousi province regarding daofei, Toph got bored and called for some tea. While she may despise showers, favoring a protective layer of earth, the only things she loves more than tea are earthbending, metalbending, bossing others around, me and fights of any kind, in that order. 

Many hours of palace wandering later, a Fire Sage requested permission from Suki to enter. _Was he here to teach us all about Agni? Maybe tell us how Agni can fill us with his pulsating light?_ No. He wasn’t. “His Majesty would be honored if Your Majesties could attend His Majesty’s Coronation”. “Aw, I was hoping you’d be here to tell me about bastards” came Toph’s...Toph thoughts. The old man recoiled in terror. “I would...never! The Fire Lord does not practice such things!” and he got all defensive. “Well the Earth Queen...wait what are we?” Toph asked me while facing him. “The Earth Empress and the Earth Emperor” I replied, desperate to hold on to the tendrils of formality in the face of _this_. “Right. The Earth Empress and Earth Emperor love practicing the art of making bastards, so please excuse our unfamiliarity with your culture” and the old man went pale and fainted, bonking his head on the doorway. Suki spun in and was all _did-he-hurt-you-I’ll-slice-them-all_ but I held my hand. My response was involuntarily. “Throw out the body and blame it on” and Toph and I gave our own finishers. “A local ethnic minority angry with their overlords” from me and “My dad!” from Toph. The Fire Sage lacked the wherewithal to realize that even _if_ we dared to practice such things, it'd be impossible due to titling. Toph should've called it "Prince-making" but that sounds too romantic. And romance? Ew. Oogies.

We left the man in a puddle of his own disappointment and marched off towards the Dragon Throne. Seismic sense helps with finding one’s way. Otherwise, I’d have been completely lost. _Now, who is the blind one? Still her_. _One eye is better than none. Two eyes are better than one_ . Reaching the correct room, we were saddened to find that nobody was there. By we, I mean me, because Toph cheered and went “great, now I can go back to _yaaaaawning_ ”. Wrong. Zuko had just arrived in the Throne Room with an entourage. He was dressed in the Fire Lord’s robes, except he lacked the Fire Lord headpiece. Our Imperial Guards halted.

He bowed royalty-to-royalty and _meant_ it. Toph stood there with her hands on her hips, distraught that we were _actually_ going to this. So, for the sake of our Kingdom, er, Empire, I bowed back to him. The Imperial Guard, well versed in formality, copied my bow. “Your Majesties, while I’m honored to have your presence, the ceremony requires that all officials await in the Royal Coronation Plaza." Toph stomped the ground and went “where all the people are gathered?” and he looked around, expecting a crowd, and nodded. “I won’t see you there” she addressed him while grabbing me by the wrist and walking out. Our guards turned on a copper piece and followed us out, maintaining a half-circle formation. Their footsteps melded to one. 

Passing all the remains of houses, smashed furniture, overturned defenses and the stench of burnt remains, we found ourselves in the Coronation Plaza. One of the few places in the Capital that wasn’t a pile of rubble, the Coronation Plaza retained the beauty I assume the creator had in mind. A low wall, barely functioning as a wall, as all the dead Imperial Firebenders could probably attest, containing a set of symmetrical one story buildings and one three story building. All bore red roofs with exquisite gold peaks. I was assuming we’d be the only ones there, after all, most of the Fire Nation’s high command is dead and or about to be imprisoned, right? Not under Zuko. 

Some ten figures, people who we had spent the past year warring against, were standing right in front of a three story building. The crowd was mostly comprised of red garbed men and women wearing outfits of governors and officers, officials and soldiers. They took but a single horn blast to part for the two of us and our entourage of soldiers. As was expected, the Imperial Guards took to a higher pace to form a line walling us off on both sides. _You never know_ , they probably thought. Safety’s never hurt anyone. By the time we reached the blackish grey steps to the main structure, two lines of Imperial Guards were lining the main pathway and another was in a circle separating the two of us from this mob of...a mob. In case they weren’t intimidated enough by a foreign invader marching up their carpet of gold, red and black, the Dai Li took to crouching atop the surrounding low wall, chasing those who were using it as a vantage point off with polite etiquette and rock gloves.

Toph stomped and gave us two stone seats and a stone table. The stone seats were side to side. At the head of a large formation of people standing still. We heard murmurs of disappointment and _someone_ went “how dishonorable”. _Oh, whoever you are. Now you’re in for it_ . Toph punched the table and grabbed _someone_ with earth plates. “If you’re going to insult me, do it to my face!” she yelled while still facing the black steps. Two pairs of Dai Li swooped in and grabbed the unlucky individual and whisked him off, probably never to be seen again. “Can I get some tea?” she asked a stationary attendant, waiting at the steps to the structure. The man nodded and raced inside. 

A low whirring noise came from the east. The rest of the mass dropped like their lives depended on it, _they did_ , as four biplanes came swooping over in a kind-of formation of four. Our Imperial Guard had something to say about this. “Woohoo!” “Go Air Corps!” among others. Was this done to further annoy the Fire Nation people? Probably. Was it entertaining? Of course it was. Even Toph punched the air and cheered with our gilded guards. The man with tea returned with a pitcher of just heated tea. One of our Imperial Guards tasted it first, and nodded. So I had some. _It tastes like grass. Which means it tastes right for Her Imperial Majesty’s tea-habits._ Then I poured some for Toph. She took the entire cup in one drink and smirked. Then she grabbed the pitcher from my hand and started gulping it like it was water. “It’s good. _More_ .” she said with that ‘I need a hippo cow steak’ craving in her voice. The rest of the crowd probably shriveled in disgust. _This is how we do it in the Earth Empire._

They are born with honor. They are raised to be honorable. They conduct themselves with honor. They march with honor. They fight with honor. They duel with honor. They marry those with the most honorable bloodlines. They attacked us with all their honor. And here they are, forced to endure Her Imperial Majesty gulping an entire pitcher of tea down, with their honor. The dead ones can attest to how great their honor was.

Just as I finished internally monologuing propaganda, I heard a _roar_. “Don’t tell me” I groaned. “Twinkletoes is coming” she _also_ groaned. A few moments of possibly nervous thought later, the roaring got louder and- “Which one of us is going to meet him?” I asked Her Imperial Majesty, hoping it’d be me so she doesn’t face the brunt of his wisdom. “Neither. We’re going to wait. And we’re going to listen”. So we waited. And we listened. A roar and a screech. Some aircraft engines whirring about. Then a shadow was cast over us, I turned my head upwards and saw Druk flapping in place. Looking around, or rather backwards, I spotted the crowd raising their hands in prayer to the mythical beast. I wasn’t going to ask Her Imperial Majesty a stupid question like “are you going to bow to this beast” because neither of us are required to, plus, if these Fire Nation people don’t know her views on prayers, they’re going to learn them quickly. 

The dragon landed behind the Palace, and a platoon of scurrying Fire Priests had to walk around us, as we were sitting in the middle of the main aisle, sipping tea. They scurried their old selves up those stairs, bowed to a doorway, and walked inside. The roaring got quite near, and the crowd spun around to see the _other_ mythical beast as it landed somewhere behind the low wall. The crowd stayed silent, allowing us to hear “well if only you weren’t distracted by that cloud” from the ‘clever’ nonbender, “distracted, we needed water!” from the annoying waterbender, some grumbling from the first and a “ow, why did you hit me with a snowball”, also from the first, and a “for complaining” from the second. We remained seated while the crowd turned to bow to the Avatar. He airscootered right up to and over us before plopping down on the other side of our table. 

“Good afternoon Your Earthliness...or maybe Your Earthlinesses!” and he bowed Air Nomad style. Our guards hesitated and got into stance, claiming “that is no way to address Her Imperial Majesty,” but Her Imperial Majesty hand waved them off with her unoccupied hand. Her Imperial Majesty nudged my shoulder to speak. “Good afternoon, Your...Eminence?” and I turned to face the pitcher-gulping Earth Empress who was turned towards me, but was actually just leaning back to pour all the liquid in. “Thanks to Your Earthliness, I found out that New Taku was built on Air Nomad land, meaning it’s part of the Air Nomads now” and Her Imperial Majesty spat her tea out. “ _What?_ ” she shrieked. _No small talk? Really? Let’s just dive right into geopolitics._ “It’s not actually your land. It was an Air Nomad site belonging to Lady Tienhai,” _Lady who?_ Her Imperial Majesty asked a reasonable question. “Can you bring Lady Tienhai to me so we can hit her with some artillery?” The Avatar laughed. “Lady Tienhai is a religious figure, a spirit, not a person” _Oh good._ “Kyoshi, do we own spirit artillery?” Her Imperial Majesty poked me in the shoulder. “I don’t believe we do,” I replied, because I don’t know if we do or don’t. It’s not like any historical power has ever waged war against the spirits. I'd proudly be the first to try, though.

“Your Majesties,” Katara gave off a proper bow while smiling, _still not a kowtow but…_ and Sokka also bowed and made sure to bow twice to Captain Suki. She shrugged, pointed at the two of us, then pointed at her Kyoshi Warrior makeup and armor. _No, Sokka, she’s not off-duty._ “So, whatcha talking about?” Sokka asked the bouncy Aang. “I’m just telling the two Earthlinesses about my plan to make New Taku a independent-” and Toph spat out her tea, again. This time, with a small ground rumble. _No. No. Don’t start a war. Not here. Not now._ I leaned in to whisper to her ear. “Let’s save this for later.” and she slowly calmed her shaking before nodding and finally slumping in her seat. “Forgive Her Imperial Majesty, the tea is just too warm for her,” I said, loudly and with a bit of a forced happiness. Aang bowed once again, smiling so innocently like the...hundred and thirteen year old that he is, and walked off to our left. His two companions took to standing at the front of the crowd while he _barged in_ through the front curtain of the structure. _Barged in_. _At least a lack of court policy carries over to the Fire Nation, too_. But the crowd didn’t erupt in volcanoes of insults and firebending at his breaking of the rules. For what reason is unknown to me. I just cleaned my face off and continued drinking the water that was retrieved for me. I exchanged glances with the two Water Tribesmen, their blue clothes as foreign as snow in the tropics. 

When I was told that we’d be attending a coronation, I pictured something similar to ours. Kowtowing and a priest announcing that the Spirits have granted someone new, the woman sitting next to me, the stewardship -the Mandate- of the Earth Kingdom. Repetition. Sets of kowtowing. Thousands kowtowing to the Badgermole Throne from beneath the thousand steps of the Imperial Palace. The whole city had gone silent so as the Earth Priest’s voice could carry as far outwards as possible. It was deemed an honor to be within hearing range of the Head Priest, let alone to actually _see_ him. Other criers, deliberately positioned across the city, would hear what he said and repeat it. From what I read afterwards, the entire city had ceased its daily activities. Carts stopped. Carriages stopped. Citizens filled the streets to kowtow in the direction of the Imperial Palace. This repetition of criers extended out to the Lower and Middle Ring, where the Home Guard, fighting to defend their homes, and the valiant Dai Li, launching strikes against the oncoming tidal wave, chanted “Ten Thousand Years to the new Queen!” _even whilst in combat_. 

It only made sense that the Fire Nation would have an even more complicated procedure, right? Wrong. Fire Priests stepped out and got to the sides. Then came the about-to-be-this-moment Fire Lord. High Sage Shyu raised the golden hairpiece, the crowd bowed, and he planted it in the topknot.

“Long Live the Fire Lord!” he shouted.

"Long live the Fire Lord!" the crowd repeated as a single, unified, mass. Various Fire Nations accents plus Katara and Sokka. Not Toph, she's busy drinking tea. But I joined in for decency's sake. That was it. The official enthronement was over. "Now, the Royal Dinner will begin!" announced Shyu in a less loud voice to Toph, I, and the front row. The Royal Dinner was a noble-filled formal dinner.

And the Imperial Archivists better know what we think of nobility. And dinners. Because if they don't, we're about to teach them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Fire Nation politics in a nutshell: When in doubt, set fire to something. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos if you liked this. I know I'm writing something niche, but if you happened to have enjoyed it, let me know.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (Or, how to understand what you just read):  
> -If you'd like to read the prequel so things make more sense, I encourage you to click the link below. If not, that's fine. You're a free human.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/20790371/chapters/49410041  
> -This chapter is filled with callbacks to my past fic. If you didn't read that, it's okay. If you did, you probably laughed. Thank you.  
> -The First 66 chapters are part of 'Records of the 53rd Earth Queen'. Be warned, reading that after this will feel really weird. It took me a very long time to find the writing style I liked and it only really came into grandeur with the start of this story.  
> -The Imperial Metalbending Guard are so named for they are Imperial (the Empire), Metalbending (Toph taught them) and also Guards. They are the sequel to the Royal Earthbending Guard.  
> -Azula is going to reappear in the future  
> -Mori mistakes Zuko for Ozai in his 'Fire Lord slip up'. Ozai took an arrow to the eye, courtesy Toph.  
> -Mori likes trade deals  
> -Toph declared herself Earth Empress because simply being Earth Queen wasn't sweet enough.  
> -Mori may now be Earth Emperor but he's still Toph's Consort and she's still supreme ruler.  
> -The Badgermole Throne is that gigantic Throne in Ba Sing Se with a badgermole behind it. It sounds much more epic than just "Throne".  
> -General Song killed the head of the Yuyan Archers and took his bow. He's a walking Famous Fire Nationals artifact holder.  
> -Mori's favorite color is blue-green. Toph doesn't have a favorite color but if she did it would be green.  
> -Toph has not taken a shower in a long time. Nobody can tell her to. Likewise, she rarely if ever washes her clothes. 
> 
> -Mori lost an eye in a duel. Lost an eye, gained a title. The One-Eyed Badgermole.  
> -Officially, Toph's sense of modesty is "whatever I feel like wearing." Mori would prefer not having every last servant executed for breaking a major Imperial Law.  
> -Ceiling Dai Li will return. And there will be more of them.  
> -Toph loves mud baths almost as much as she loves lewd plays parodying famous world leaders. 
> 
> -Much of the city is in ruin due to a very artillery-heavy siege.  
> -The Imperial Air Corps is one of the most recent branches of the Empire. It has a mortality rate of roughly 50% on a good day.  
> -If spirit artillery existed, the Empire would own lots of it
> 
> -Zuko is now the Fire Lord
> 
> -Toph hates nobility, and noble dinners.  
> Join me next time for actually useful facts!


	2. The Hottest Place to Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fire Lord's not responsible for overseeing the absurdly high number of treasonous officials, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All place names credit to https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1371120470 , anything more specific is of my own creation except some people names.

Chapter Sixty-Eight:

“Let us toast to Her Imperial Majesty for bringing on an era of peace!” Fire Lord Zuko stood up. Not wanting to disobey their Fire Lord, the rest of the tables also stood. “As they say, Ten Thousand Years!” and he thrust the goblet and drank from it. _Do they even know what Ten Thousand Years refers to?_ The rest of the tables held their goblets high and repeated it, then downed their wine. “This grape juice is awful” Her Imperial Majesty muttered to me, quietly, for a change. “I believe it is _wine_ , Your Majesty,” I said with my formal-hinting-on-bored voice. “I don’t care, get me something harder” and she handed me the cup itself like the cup was some kind of mortal enemy that needed to be vanquished. Thankfully for us, some attendants were standing one chair shove behind us. “You, person I don’t know, get Her Imperial Majesty something harder!” and I handed the cup to him. 

“Thank you both for attending” the Fire Lord chimed in, _happy_ . He was sitting at his own table with Mai, with us to his right and slightly back. The Avatar and his companions mirrored us except on Zuko’s left. “If it weren’t for you two, I wouldn’t get to eat this amazing braised turtle duck!” he said, still happy. “Right? It’s so good” Toph said while slurping down a plate of noodles. Not just _a_ noodle at a time, but chomping as many of them in twain as she could. Also, the chopsticks she was given were now _my_ chopsticks. Because fingers make the best utensils, or so the peasantry claims. “Just think, a year ago, if someone told you you’d be eating such wonderful food-” side note, Fire Nation food is awful, just because spices exist doesn’t mean everything needs to be spices. “-would you believe them?” and she shook her head. 

Some boring polite small talk later, the lot of us were eating our own foods. The Avatar was disappointed that the Fire Nation has very few vegetarian options. Someone, by someone I mean Katara, personally went to find a bowl of rice because she didn’t trust the attendants would understand what “no meat” means. Toph’s quite happy, on the other hand. “Everything has slices of hippo cow in it.” _Even the noodles._ In opting for “whatever the Fire Lord likes is probably going to be the best quality” I opted for turtle duck. Sokka and Katara, not required by any law to eat what their companion eats, opted for meat. Other meats, namely. Well-cut meats. Meats with more meats. Beneath our small podium sat rows of tables facing us. Each one had nobles, officers, officials, and all those other government positions, grouped in twos with three sets of two to a table. 

Toph’s demand of various kinds of food never ceased. Now, it’s not my job to write down everything she did, but I did anyway. _Might as well have a list of what she likes so our cooks can make food_ . Plus, I had to taste everything she was going to eat so I might as well know what I like. Because if someone wants to poison her, they’ll have to go through a couple Imperial Guards and I. And you know what they say about whiskey and poisoning? _Nothing. Because nobody says anything about them_ . Some chomping noises later, Zuko got out of his seat and opted to go for a waltz around the tables. Mai didn’t join him, she had a bowl of food to eat. One grain of rice at a time. The two of us were torn, _no we weren’t_ , over choosing to follow him around or not. “I’ve got to stretch my legs anyway, lets go” and one wrist tug later and we got up and gave chase to the guy with a golden hairpiece and the fanciest robes in this hemisphere. _Because someone doesn’t like wearing her Imperial robes_. 

As Zuko has more depth perception than either of us, he noticed our pursuit and let us join. Toph prefers to say she “invited herself to your walk around your dinner”. So we walked, and walked. And we had to stop every couple...something, I forgot the name for them, to hear the Fire Lord give passing remarks to every single table. He’d ask them how they were doing, we’d be looming over his shoulder like an unwanted artillery bombardment and the people would give some kind of stiff, classic nobility, “I’m honored to have your audience” and “May Your Majesty’s council be as wise as you are strong” and other such stuff. Then he’d walk past and we’d walk up to them. Most of the time, I kept my mouth shut, but Toph didn’t. One special encounter, where the official played up Zuko’s legitimacy and “Your Majesty, I am but a simple official” to attempt to downplay her own arrogance to possibly earn a position on Zuko’s council, we walked up to her after. “I know that was a lie. Good thing I’m not ‘Your Majesty’” Toph said, intimidating, and the young woman stuttered. “I _am_ but his humble servant" she begged. “Am I doing this right?” and Toph pointed at her eyes and attempted to roll them. _Almost there! Almost! Almost!_ Nope. Failed.

When his round had ended, we followed him back to his table. He wanted “all world leaders” to meet inside the building behind us. The Royal Dinner would continue. “Can I bring my dinner?” Toph asked, her face covered in grease. “Sure” he responded while I grabbed an embroidered golden napkin and cleaned her face off. _Hey, us Imperials can be classy too- wait no I'm thinking that wrong._ So I took her plate of food and carried it in while a table was set up inside. It was supposed to be for tea, judging by all the tea cups sitting there, but they were cleared off by one of the Imperial Guards to make way for Toph’s dinner plate. I put it down, waved away the utensil bearing tag team of attendants and sat down next to her. To note, the Avatar and his companions were on a long, cushiony, seat across from us. Mai had her own similar cushioned seat and opted to drink some tea. Zuko stood between us and addressed us.

He got all the formalities out of the way, all the “thanks for attendings”, and was interrupted by Toph going “we get it, Lady Sugar Queen, Lord Captain Prince Boomerang, what are we here for”. “As some of you know, I like-" but Zuko's attempt at starting a sentence was interrupted by the Sentence Snapper. “Sugar Queen?” Toph asked, curious. "Because if you do I'm up for seeing how _heated_ that romance would-"

“No.” he said with bitterness and a sense of regret for even existing, also known as normal Zuko. Katara crossed her arms. “Well I don’t like you, either” she said with disgust. “You can’t blame me, you _did_ try to hunt the Avatar-” “I…” and he slapped himself in the face. Her heated face cooled down thanks to Aang’s shoulder pat and his cold glare of disappointment warmed back up to room temperature. “Just get on with it! You both find each other as great allies, but she’s dating him” I tried to conclude, pointing my hand at the respective people. “-and you’re probably dating her” and I pointed at the tea-sipping Mai. Who continued sipping tea like none of this just happened.

“Exactly!” he said, running his hands through his extremely _fancy_ hear. So fancy. What are you, a woman? _So thinks the man with a long queue that needs to be braided every morning_ . “Congratulations!” the other three said, standing up and applauding. _What is this, a play? We're applauding people for liking each other?_ Toph continued working on her steak, making loud chewing noises which undermined the atmosphere. Good for her, though. _Enjoy your steak. You earned it_. 

“So, when’s the wedding?” Katara asked. _Of course her first concern is the wedding._ “It...isn’t. Yet. That’s why I brought you all here” he said, nervously embarrassed. Also known as nervous Zuko. _Wait, you stopped one of the key parts of your early reign to talk about a wedding?_ “I was thinking” and he pinched the bridge of his nose to avoid imploding from nervousness, “I was thinking of holding it in Ba Sing Se” “ _What?_ ” Toph shrieked, the food falling out of her mouth. _What, indeed_ . Then I reached down to retrieve the piece of meat because _hey, you earned that steak_ . “That’s _our_ capital. Can’t you hold it in yours?” I asked, trying to balance out Toph's anger and logic. “Not really, everything’s kind of rubble” Zuko said, clearly saddened by the realization. _Right. Whatever plaza you’d formally hold it is probably a pile of dead firebender_ . “Can’t you use the Royal Coronation Plaza?” I pondered, earning his still nervous look. “Why would I do that? It’s for coronations” he _did_ say something sensible. The Fire Nation loves their formalities. But the spirits don't like sensible things, and thus we got a derailment. “And the Consort’s supposed to be producing heirs. You don’t see him in the heir-making bed making heirs do you?” Toph countered. Somehow, the thought of heirs made Katara blush. No wait, she’s just disgusted and gagging. Mai isn’t. She kept sipping her tea. Oh and between all this nonsense, I recalled “Your...Majesty. We _are_ sleeping in his heir-making bed” and Toph kicked the ground in laughter.

“With Your Majesty’s permission, I’d like to continue” Zuko asked, offering a bow. “No. We need to take more time to laugh at this” Toph said while holding up a hand, and she proceeded to laugh, nonstop, for far longer than it took to write this sentence. “Kyoshi. Remind me to install a heir-making bed in _our_ Palace!” she said between bouts of her sides crumbling to ‘bahahaha’s. “We already have one, it’s the Consort’s bedchamber. I just never use it” I said with a voice as bored as Mai’s. "Fire Lord Hotman, the Consort's supposed to be producing heirs!"- and she resumed some 'bahahaha!"s before "-and you don't see him there" _because we're one continent over._

The monorail line eventually re-railed itself. “As one of my first goals as Fire Lord, I would like to establish a new era of peace,” he said, invigorated with passion. “And you want to establish world peace by showing up to Ba Sing Se and having a wedding?” I replied, confused by the concept. _Still am. What kind of monarch...how insane can you be to even propose that…_ “That’s correct,” he replied, actually looking like he won't have a breakdown. “Your Majesties, may I request your thoughts?” he asked, happy. _Oh no, happy Zuko. That's unsettling._ “Nah. Your capital is for your use. Ours is for us. It’s not the Imperial Fire Palace.” Toph answered with a pinch of annoyance. He looked sad. “But...I wanted to-” “Her Imperial Majesty’s word is final” I jumped in. Toph nodded. “What if I paid?”he said, _is it time for Zuko breakdown? I think it's almost Zuko breakdown time._ “We’re already rich. Kyoshi, give him a better reason than that” and she nudged my shoulder. _Quick, a better reason_.

“If a foreign monarch showed up at your door and asked to have a wedding inside your capital, would you say yes?” I asked, only after realizing _Good, you fired an arrow into your foot_ . And he nodded. “Of course” he said, sure of himself, and I spotted, from the fringe of my eye, Katara clap her hands together and grin. “Well…” and I struggled for a reason. “The people of our realm wouldn’t take kindly to inviting foreign leaders to have weddings inside our glorious capital. If you want to come for a visit, that’s fine.” Possibly because he learned diplomacy from Iroh, possibly because he’s desperate, possibly because his objective is to curry favor, “may Mai and I go to Ba Sing Se after we marry to visit and spend a week enjoying the city?” and Toph chuckled. “Go ahead.” And he attempted to hold back his cheering, _Zuko breakdown averted_ . “Thank you, thank you both” and he bowed royalty-to-royalty before looking about ready to have a numbness-based-meltdown. _Eh, close enough_. 

“Twinkletoes, you’re invited to Ba Sing Se on _your_ post-wedding week of travel, too” Toph offered, since she's a woman of fairness and justice, and he blushed. “But I’m not-” he tried to speak through blushing. Toph held up her hand. “Whatever, I’m off to bed. Tomorrow, I’d like to get back to _my_ capital” and she got up. The rest of Team Avatar stood to give her a respectful sendoff, but they were interrupted by her sending a rock glove to grab me. _Ow. Ow. That's the bruised shoulder-punched arm. Ow._ Once outside, I asked her if I could stay. “Sure, just bring back some whiskey.” and she tossed me back through the curtain and caused me to trip over nothing in particular before crashing to the wooden floor with a bang. _I’m not even inebriated and I’m already facing the ceiling._ The Imperial Guard marched off, leaving my guard, the Kyoshi Warriors. 

Why did I want to stay? I was interested in all these new magistrates and new officials. “Hello again, Your Earthliness” Aang said while looking down at me. “Need a hand?” he said, kindhearted as ever, and offered one but Suki had jumped in from her post outside the curtain and gave me hers instead. I received hers and got up. _Thanks Sukes_. After sitting back down next to where Toph sat, Zuko brought out a Pai Sho board. The attendants cleared off the table, again, and put down a nice golden and bright red sheet of some kind. It probably belonged on a bed somewhere, but if this Palace has one in ten the number of sheets ours has, there’s enough to go around.

“I offer His Majesty a choice of Pai Shos to play”. _Can I choose wrestling? That’s a variant of Pai Sho, in theory._ “We have the pieces for Harmony, Elemental, Balance, and normal” he said, dropping a pile of tiles onto the board. _Forgive me, what?_ “Fire Lord, did you just name a bunch of spiritual principles?” I asked, having not prayed to the spirits in weeks, meaning I was pretending I knew what I was talking about. “No, I named a bunch of Pai Sho variants.” Lucky for me, he probably didn’t attend theology class either, what with all the campaigning. “Why are there, one...two...four different Pai Sho styles?” I inquired. 

And Katara of all people jutted in with the response. “Maybe because its a popular game known across the world?” _So says the woman who grew up in an igloo._ “Well _I’ve_ never heard of it and I’m the Earth Emperor,” I said, as smug as Toph’s legs are sturdy when stuck to the earth. Or metal. Maybe sand. Short story long, I couldn’t be outwitted. “Well maybe Your Majesty should invest in some Pai Sho lessons so you can learn about the many popular variants,” Katara said with all sincerity and possibly a hint of arrogance.“Why? I have artillery” I responded, using the classic ‘if you don’t have something intelligent to say, show off your army of a million brave and or fanatically mad volunteer militia’ tactic that I read in a scroll somewhere. 

“Do you not know how to play Pai Sho?” Zuko asked, sounding a bit like his Uncle-turned-General-turned-Grand Lotus. _Well Toph’s not here_ . “Of course I do” I replied, actually telling the truth. I do know how to play Pai Sho. “Then would you care for a game?” Zuko continued pressing the arrowhead-like arrowhead of a question at me. I spotted something glistening on a shelf above the Avatar’s head. “No. To be completely truthful” and I got out of my cushioned chair, walked up to the Avatar, and stuck my arm up to grab a bottle. “I’d rather follow the Earth Kingdom, wait, Empire, tradition of celebrating all battles with getting absolutely hammered” and I unclasped the bottle and downed...whatever this substance was. Then I found a spittoon and spat it out. “What is this? Why does it taste like water?” _it's so awful._ “It’s water, Your Majesty” Zuko informed me. _But the bottle was Fire Whiskey._

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty” Zuko chose to apologize with a bow. I wasn’t about to hold it against him. He wants the Avatar as an ally and whiskey is optional...unless you’re from Kyoshi Island in which it’d be a cause for war if those sons of Chin showed up and deprived us of our clear-liquid life-bringing substances that warm our hearts, especially during the two months of no sun. He turned to the Avatar and held out an air tile. _How poetic_. “What style of Pai Sho do you play, Aang?” the Fire Lord and overall _hot_ man asked with a cool temper. And Aang lifted himself out of his seat with airbending and floated over to the table. “Harmony” _Of course you do. And I’m Kyoshi’s great-great-great-great-maybe another great-grandson_ . _I am, maybe that many, maybe less, but the point still stands_. I had the choice to either sit down and watch two teenagers playing the game that old men play after years of political intrigue pay off with well-earned alliances and lots of gold, or I could go outside and bother the Fire Nation nobility. I chose the second option. 

Suki joined me because you never know when someone might get a bright idea. Despite being surrounded by Dai Li. And more Dai Li. And the Imperial Guard. And the Imperial Army. And the forethought that if someone even pokes me, the entire city’s going to be used as _the_ testing ground for the Imperial Siege Cannon’s big brother, the Imperial Siege Cannon the Second: Bigger, Thicker, Stronger, Boomier. _No that wasn’t a euphemism. We pride ourselves on massive siege engines._ It doesn’t exist yet, but never discount the size of our pulsating...military budget. As someone somewhere said, the ‘people’ don’t need the grain if the ‘people’ just got sent on a campaign against the Sandbender Tribes of the Si Wong. Also, they want to kill a million of us? Sure. We’ve got another forty. Or fifty. Or maybe a hundred.

Walking back into the Dragons’ Lair, _hey that name fits,_ it took me a total of four steps, one almost-trip, and one interrupted conversation to have someone to converse with me. The conversation I joined was ‘nothing but’ compliments for the coronation of Zuko, of course it was. Trying my hand at etiquette, I asked who this grey-mustached man was and where he was from. If he was sitting -or residing- at the front tables, that meant he was of a higher rank than those at the back tables. The name, Suogu, didn’t ring a bell -I don’t remember half _our_ magistrates’ names- but the province did. Ishigaki. The island was located just west of the Fire Islands turn north and the first island, going _towards_ the main island, that isn’t part of the Penghu Island Chain. _Side note, Crescent Island may or may not be part of its own archipelago along with Jang Hui and Ichiba but most maps still support that the three are part of the Penghu Islands. Afterall, only recently did Crescent Island have any military value_.

I’m not part of the Dai Li. I don’t know what Ishigaki exports, but it’s located in the middle of the Mo Ce, meaning it probably has large fish stocks. I summoned an attendant and sent her to retrieve a large flask of wine. In the Fire Nation, it is a high honor to be served wine from someone of a higher social status. Now that I think about it, it’s an honor in the Earth Empire as well. I may not be his liege but I -well Toph- just gave _his_ liege the legitimacy to _be_ his liege, so for all intents and purposes, we were akin to his liege. 

The two of us toasted the Fire Lord’s legitimacy as Son of Agni and downed our respective drinks. Three goblets of wine was all it took to make him...let’s say loose. Three goblets of wine for me is like the appetizer before breakfast. Suki and I dragged him to the side of the party. At that point, the rest of the crowd was getting inebriated enough that people stopped addressing me as “Your Majesty” and started making up nonsense titles like “Your Auburnliness”. _No, that’s not a title. I’m surprised Aang doesn’t call Suki that, though._

Suogu and his blackish grey mustache inherited the seat of Ishigaki a decade ago. My original assumption was correct. He was the Daimyo of Ishigaki, a direct vassal to the Fire Lord himself. As for products? “What does Ishigaki send to the capital?” “Fish, mostly. Fish and flax. And timber.” That wasn’t anything special. It’s not like the mines of Hejiagou, the centerpoint of Xishan province to the west of the Northern Air Temple, which give Ba Sing Se -and us- a large amount of iron. Likewise, it’s not the nickel and copper mines -refined on site- of the Zaofu Mountains. I could go on, but this isn’t a census on minerals.

A wise scroll once stated that “all men have their secrets” and “all lords desire power” and this man was no exception. A few cups of wine, some basic backstory exposition, and he starts droning on about his ancestry. The usual. Some loyal retainer of future Fire Lord Kazuhiro -great-grandfather to Sozin- received the province after the Dragon’s Duel atop Caldera. A few generations of comfortable provincial magistration later, Suogu’s grandfather was offered the lands of Gaolan -the province between the Great Divide and the northwest Si Wong- by Fire Lord Sozin. His grandfather rejected the offer, preferring the comfort of his small island. Generations later, Suogu has bad blood with Daimyo Mazaharu of his sister island, Koloa. Someone’s daughter ended up somewhere, someone’s mom died as a result, _the usual_. Prodding at Suogu’s hatred for Mazaharu, “if you send your food to the city of Yu Dao, I will ensure that Mazaharu and his kin don’t bother you again”. He smiled. “Thank you. I know Fire Lord Zuko couldn’t be bothered to help, he’s too busy playing children’s games with the Avatar to rule”. 

Was I telling the truth? No. I couldn’t care less about someone’s feud with someone else. I handed him no scroll, no Imperial Seal, no proof I even had a conversation. He’d ‘send his fish’ to the trade port, I’d ‘dispatch someone’ to take care of his situation. _No, I wouldn’t. Go pray to Agni that your problems are resolved. I’m not Aang, world peace bringer of peace._ As a thank you, he pulled his daughter out of some chair and offered her to me. So at first I was quite confused. _What am I supposed to do with her? Make her my ward? I already have an all-female team of assassins and awesome warriors_. It took a prod from Suki and a “he meant the _other_ offer” for me to shake myself off. So she blinked her eyes all innocently, I bowed to him, and walked away. He tossed her at me like Toph tossing me through a wall, but less hilarious and more...awkward. He also didn’t realize that I was who I was, instead referring to me as “Your Auburnliness”. As a side bonus from him, he told me about another two ‘friends’ who ‘didn’t like Zuko’ and preferred a strong ruler like Ozai except Ozai is dead. “We have a group of like minded people.” Qin-Lee of Watari, the lands southwest of us that border the Caldera volcano and Loban of Maizuru, the lands to the north of the Fire Mountains located in the middle of the Main Island. I had him repeat the names to verify them, thanked him for his time, and waded through the drunken crowd.

I stomped back in through the curtain. Zuko _was_ playing games with the Avatar. The two were sitting across from each other, looking intently at the Pai Sho board. Katara was braiding her hair and sitting next to Aang and Mai was looking at her nails, sitting next to Zuko. Sokka noticed us first and jumped up. “Suki!” he shouted, running at us. He ran right into her palm. _I don’t have the time for this_. “Zuko, do you have a moment?” I asked, politely. “Sorry, I’m in the middle of a hard game” and he rubbed his chin. He sounded not-angry for a change. “Zuko, I have something important to tell you” I said with a bit more push to my voice. “Can it wait? Game” and he moved a single tile forward. “I have matters that concern _your_ realm and it’s security” and Mai put her nails down, gave me a glance, and nodded. “ _Zuko_ , it’s important,” she said while looking at him. He was _smiling_ and went “I’ve got you trapped, now, Aang!” and put a black tile down to wall off a line of Aang’s white tiles. “Zuko!” I shouted. He took it as a joke. “Oh, it can wait,” he said, half-hearted. _No, it really can’t_. So I walked up to his table, grabbed a handful of his tiles, and chucked them at the wall. 

Needless to say, he wasn’t happy. His face went through a variety of emotions. First confusion, then annoyance, then reactionary anger, than actual anger. “What? Why? How could you? _How dare you?_ ” and Suki walked up next to me. _Oh, yes. Get angry at me._ “You storm in here and interrupted my game? I’m the Fire Lord! You can’t just do that!” and a pair of Imperial Firebenders ran in behind me, having heard his anger and ran inside as a reaction. _Don’t make me paint this place Fire Nation red. Well, the walls are already Fire Nation red, but redder_ . _Dark red_ . Everyone else, except Mai, jumped up. I heard an uncorking sound but before that uncorking sound could become _something_ , “It’s just a game” the peacekeeping Aang jumped in between us. _Hey, I’m with you Twinkletoes_ . “So? What right does he have to jump in and interrupt our game?” _What does this have to do with rights? If you want to make this about rights, I own a Siege Cannon. Your argument is invalid._ Zuko exhaled a wisp of flame and calmed down when Mai put a hand on his shoulder. “Enough of this, Zuko!” she barked at him. “Forgive him, whatever you had to say, say it” and she bowed. 

“Can I request a private, no Avatar, audience?” I asked. Before Zuko could breath fire again, “Mai, please stay” I begged, and she nodded. “You three, go wait outside,” she said in a commanding tone, and she pointed at the curtain with her free hand. Aang darted between the two of us like a buzzing insect, then airscootered out the curtain. Katara followed him, re-corking her waterskin, and Sokka shot me a “I’m watching you” gesture with his fingers, which not only does it not make any sense, it doesn’t make sense. And it’s ironic. He’s watching me from where? Outside? How?

After the three left, Zuko sat down, having calmed down thanks to Mai’s yelling. “Your Majesty,” _remember to address him properly_ , “I found one person and two possible collaborators who are conspiring against your reign”. His face went from semi-anger to wide-eyed surprise. “But...I’ve only been the Fire Lord for a single night. Not even.” _And what? Is there some honor system for monarchs? ‘Oh, you’re Fire Lord now, I promise I won’t plot against you for a month. Make sure to get those heirs in time for your funeral’._ “So? Your Majesty, Toph was only coronated a week prior when the Protectorate declared her a ‘Usurper.’” “How…” he stuttered from shock, “...did you find them? Who?” “Who first. Suki,” I looked to my cousin. Why who? Better to record the names before they are forgotten from memory. The morals can wait. “Daimyo Suogu of Ishigaki, a Qin-Lee of Watari and a Loban of Maizuru”. Mai summoned a scroll and ink and recorded their names. 

“How? How did you do it?” Zuko asked, now recovering from his -quite justified, recounting personal experience- shock. I recounted the knowledge _I_ learned from the Earth Empire, back then it was just the Earth Kingdom, and its many power-hungry nobles. “Your Majesty, this is a Royal Dinner. This is a royally-mandated opportunity for all the officials to meet one another. The rest of the year, if two people want to meet, let alone in your capital, they may attract your intelligence services. If they even _want_ to meet, they must send messengers. Hawks. But tonight? They’ve been invited. Didn’t you expect this?” and after he finished digesting what I said, he shook his head. Mai, on the other hand, nodded. He noticed this. “How? And why didn’t you tell me?” he said, annoyed. “Come on, _Zuko_ . I’ve been to a few Royal Dinners in my life.” “And so have I!” he said, punching two small fire blasts into the air as a result of his flailing arms. _Maybe as the trophy. The centerpiece. What official is dumb enough to speak directly to the Crown Prince? Even Long Feng spoke to Prince Kuei’s attendants, never to Kuei himself. And certainly not to His Late Majesty, the Fifty First Earth King, Wei-Hung._ Mai groaned, probably thinking something similar.

She translated what I said into more consumable language for Zuko’s ears. _Never a good idea to provoke a Fire Lord._ She explained that many of these officials were people she had recognized from past dinners. Meaning they were officials under Ozai, many probably under Azulon. These officials weren’t loyal to him, they were loyal to their comfortable positions. And nothing angered him like reminding him of Ozai. If these people were associated with Ozai, “then they are against me.” _Nothing like some old black-and-white thinking. Mass purges always work. Just ask the extinct line of Fire Lords that preceded Kazuhiro._ He ordered her to order the Imperial Firebenders to retrieve the three. He also summoned the Avatar, who returned with a smile as wide as the crescent moon. 

“What got into him?” I asked the mature-ist of the trio, which is saying something, Katara. “Nothing! I’m just happy to join the party again!” and he rode his airball around the table. “What happened? Why do you look so sad, Zuko?” Katara asked, all motherly. Sokka shot me a _did-you-do-something_ glare, which, _well who else could’ve? Not counting the attendants, who don’t get to speak, there were only four people in this room._ “It’s…” but he didn’t finish because Mai spoke for him. “We discovered that there’s a plot against Zuko’s reign” _Mai...I didn’t say that._ “Mai, I’d advise casting a net to catch them. You don’t want to cause a-” _Smash._

A bunch of people were screaming, how unkind of them, really loudly, just outside our curtain. A pair of Imperial Firebenders _and_ a pair of Dai Li ran in. Well, the Dai Li broke the wall in two and walked through what was once a wall. Then _more_ Dai Li ran in. “Your Majesty!” both the Imperial Firebenders and the Dai Li yelled at the same time. “We’re under attack!” they said, in eerie sync. _It’s not enough that the Dai Li speak at the same time, now all the high-ranked security forces?_ Everyone did their own thing. Zuko got into a stance, Mai yawned and suddenly had three throwing daggers in her hand, Aang used airbending to grab his staff and pointed it at the curtain, Katara uncorked her waterskin and Sokka brandished his boomerang. Oh, also, Suki cheered and unsheathed her katana, “time to dice” _Even with one eye, I see what you did there Sukes,_ and I pulled out my jian. 

The Dai Li kept pestering me to leave, “I’m not leaving” I kept telling them while Katara waved her arms around and did nothing all intimidating-ly, _I don’t know what she was doing either_ , and Aang made the toughest face a hundred-and-thirteen year old with the face of a thirteen-year old shaped like an egg can make. That is, a grimace. _Because you’re going to leave them utterly breathless with your staff_ . At least Sokka knew how to look terrifying, just tell him a joke about the moon, _no I don't know why_ , and he might, actually, sometimes, hit something with the correct end of the boomerang. 

Everyone else was playing the ‘let’s be silent and enjoy the screaming’ game, so I inquired Zuko as to _why_ there was a skirmish outside. “What happened, and why?” and one Imperial Firebender bowed -they never forget to bow- and explained “we called for a Qin-Lee and someone shouted ‘attack’ and before I knew it, everyone had a knife.” “Wait, you _called_ for Qin-Lee? Don’t you have a registry?” and the man slumped his shoulders. “Dai Li!” and a pair fell from the ceiling - _why are you two up there anyways?_ \- and stood. Aang had to fall backwards because he wasn’t expecting them to be hiding up there. _Well don’t look up, because there’s another fifty._ “Let’s show these people how we handle traitors in the Earth Kingdom, wait, Empire! Arrest them!” and I ran out past the sentry line of Imperial Firebenders. “Onwards!” some Dai Li who actually had a mouth screamed and suddenly the ceiling was shaking. The top of the _wall_ of the building exploded in shrapnel as the Dai Li ran _through_ it and tossed it at the courtyard. Were people out there our allies? Our enemies? “Arrest everyone!” I said.

And the Dai Li _never_ fail. Unlike the Imperial Firebenders, who probably couldn’t see the issue of publically arresting someone because of their three eyeslits, our _actually not terrible, thank you very much_ , team of conical hat wearing, rock glove chucking, wall sliding, ceiling skating, nutjobs, can see what’s happening. That’s why, when I ran out the door, jian in one hand, nothing in the other, and someone ran at me with a knife, a random set of two rock gloves grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up, up and up. Was he screaming? Yes. Was he levitating? Yes. His face combined with a rock wall. _That’s not an arrest, but okay_. The two agents hanging onto the wall nodded, _now that’s what I pay you for,_ and I continued my assault. The Imperial Firebenders that had the displeasure of being in the main aisle were sliced and diced. The ones on the perimeter had _retreated_ towards the Fire Lord’s kind-of-a-Plaza-needs-repairs. The Imperial Metalbending Guard? Well one team of three were slicing people up with metalbent-controlled daos. “Not one step back!” I tried shouting over the chaos. I was addressing the Imperial Firebenders, or trying to. The Dai Li and Imperial Guard _refuse_ to retreat. Even if it’s one man versus a hundred. The ones that do...don't get paid, and probably die. The Imperial Firebenders took one step back. And two. And three. And a dozen.

I took one guy that I spotted and punched his _metal helmet_ with my _flesh-based_ fist. Ouch for me. See, our forces wear open helmets. So they can see what’s happening, and so Toph or I can institute punch-isments for retreating. I shook it off because the punch was more like a jab. Then another dagger-wielding psycho ran at me and got an elbow to the face courtesy of Suki. _Thanks Sukes_. 

Back in the sky, the Dai Li were traipsing about like magical airbenders except randomly plucking people from the crowd and tossing them back and forth like children’s dolls. I spotted one guy, except now he had a rock glove to the neck, _also not arresting but that’s okay_ , and got plucked into the air, flipped on his head, and dropped back into the ground. The Dai Li that were actually going to get paid today were pulling these terribly dressed officials up to their _defensive vantage points_ and being tied up and or knocked in the head until they’re out. See, the Dai Li took up positions on rooftops and the surrounding wall. The Imperial Guard beneath them. We aren’t dumb enough to put our guards in the middle of a crowd. I mean, we are, but the ones that were in the middle of the crowd _advanced forward_ until they met up with Imperial Guards around the walls. No golden bodies lie in the middle of the path. 

Then the Avatar arrived. I know this because everyone got, for a split moment, deprived of air, then all that air was sent back at us in typhoon-force winds. _Good thing Aang’s a pacifist, or we’d all be quite breathless_. He smacked friend, foe and Dai Li alike with these winds. Us nonbenders were sent tumbling over each other. The Imperial Guard rooted themselves, the Dai Li stuck feet to tile and tipped their hats to the winds. They didn’t move. Instead, while officials were sent flying, not me because two Dai Li happily held on, not Suki because she grabbed a random Imperial Guard, the Dai Li were bowing to Aang. If they could speak, they’d be saying “and? Got anything stronger?” because _nothing_ can break a master earthbender’s stance. Other than a master earthbender. Or a shin-kick. Don't tell our enemies that.

So now that the Imperial Firebenders were sent flying into the crowd, their helmets could be pulled off and many knives sunk into each one’s face. Poor firebenders, if only they had a four hundred year old organization of master earthbenders paid quite reasonably and given great living conditions, they might have survived. Also, if only the _Avatar_ didn’t send all of us flying. Katara ran out past him and started freezing the _Imperial Guard’s_ heads. By accident. “Not the golden ones, the people in red with no armor!” Zuko cried out, reminding her. She apologized to the man she froze and moved on to freezing people’s feet. The first officials’ feet she froze laughed maniacally, punched his feet with fire blasts, then lunged at her with a fire blast. _Seriously? You’re not going to retreat_ . Now, because I was standing next to her, the spirits recognized that their Mandate-wielder’s Consort was in danger, and they blessed me with rock gloves. And by rock gloves, I mean two _other_ Dai Li agents fell from the wall, not fell, they elegantly dived off like gymnasts. One grabbed his head, the other one of his arms, and he got wrestle-flipped into a rock wall. Oh, and by “the spirits” I mean the Dai Li. Because the spirits don’t care. The Dai Li? Do. One of the two who saved me got jabbed in the face, which is a big no-no for the Dai Li. The other one engaged super-I’m-going-to-kill-you mode and snapped the attacker’s neck with a single rock glove twitch. Now, the downed Dai Li agent was fine. All that happened was he took a jab to the face. Also, good thing Katara wasn’t watching or we’d never hear the end of it.

So the Dai Li mopped up these officials. The legitimately pacifist ones had ran to the sides and peacefully raised their hands in surrender. _Which, logically, means these hundreds or so of officials probably don’t like Zuko_. Rock gloves grabbed people and flung them about. I spotted one team sliding along with stone boots, then tag-teamed an official. It wasn’t needed. They could’ve arrested him. But we have a show to put on for our foriegn friends. So the first one swept his legs and the second one uppercutted him. As a result, he got whacked in the upper chest. 

Sokka yelled “Go boomerang!” and chucked his boomerang into the sky. It came back, as boomerangs do, but bonked one of the Imperial Firebenders in the head, probably giving him a terrible concussion and a life-long phobia of flying objects. Aang politely walked up to a man attacking him with fire fists and kited around the official, causing him to spin in circles until he got tired and fell over. Another time, he smashed an official in the face with a metal dish, using airbending. _Because that won’t hurt_. Another, he poked a man in the face with his staff. Another, he pulled water out of somewhere and froze two officials together. The two defrosted, fast, thanks to firebending, and tried attacking him. So he ran up a wall, almost tripped an agent who was using that spot as a perch, then backflipped into hitting the pair of officials with an airblast, knocking them down. He earthbend a small rock into someone’s chest, sending them backwards. He redirected a fireblast into the sky before knocking the person down with a sweep, and air current, from his staff. Katara was the only actually effective member of the trio. She pulled water out of a pair of moats and specifically targeted individuals, who she’d then freeze solid. One shot, one freeze. The three of them remained near the building.

Zuko, the most courageous of the non-Toph world leaders, actively jumped into the middle of the battlefield. That, or he was trying to one-up me. Eitherway, some five officials were firebending at him, he redirected their blasts and punched it back in one wave at them. He was able to duel three, four, five, at one point, six people at once and win. Mai probably broke Aang’s morality more than once. Why? When an official was trying to strike Zuko from behind, a single dagger toss caught this unlucky official mid-flight in the neck, he grabbed his neck and looked quite confused as he fell to the ground. More than once. She used the throwing blades as daggers, slicing arms, slicing clothes open, plunging them into necks, faces, whatever she could see. “Suki” “Yes?” the sweaty Kyoshian responded. “You see what Mai’s doing?” I shouted, “I do” and we both watched her pin a man’s hand to a wall from the other side of the courtyard. “I want you to ask her for lessons, and I want you to teach that to the Kyoshi Warriors. Understood” and she nodded. 

Suki and I remained at the back of the battle. We aren’t stupid enough to run into a field of firebenders. That’s what we have earthbenders for. It doesn’t make us cowards, it just makes us not idiots. As the area near his building was cleared, I ran forward to inspire the Dai Li who didn’t need any inspiration and came up against one official who was wielding a dao. In addition, he was holding the dao with some kind of cloth. He swung it at me, down to up, I blocked the strike, he came back with another swing, left-to-right, I backed up and let him finish the swing, before grabbing his beautiful black topknot and plunging my jian into his chest. He gulped and was quite amazed, as one would be, and gripped the blade so tightly he sliced his hands open. I gave him the ‘honor’ of watching me pull my him-stained jian out. “Thanks for the cloth” and I pulled the small cloth from his hands and wiped my blade down. Suki looked at me, we exchanged a nod, and I backed out of there. 

The last officials left on the field got on their knees and surrendered. “Really? Nobody else?” I asked, then laughed intensely. Aang walked up to them, _y_ _es genius, walk up to the enemy_ and asked them if they agreed to surrender. He also looked around and went “so, did all these guys surrender too?” and one of the Dai Li -smart guy- said “we knocked them out” and the entire crowd started nodding in sync. Imperial Firebenders, Imperial Guards, Dai Li. Mai, her hands covered in someone’s blood, Zuko, hyperventilating, Sokka, smirking while holding a boomerang, Katara, ‘I’m serious’ face, Suki, a small smile -you have the best smile cousin, you know that?- and me, wiping my pacification blade because I love cleaning it. It's called a pacification blade because I wave it around to bring peace down on all my opponents. I peacefully tell them to rethink their ideologies.

Long Live the Fire Lord. What a great way to start a reign. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, Toph and Mori "Kyoshi" "he's the Consort" may or may not get kidnapped. By accident.  
> Please leave a comment and your thoughts. 
> 
> Encyclopedia Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (Or: How to understand what I just wrote):
> 
> -Lord Captain Prince Boomerang is not a title. Lady Sugar Queen is. Of course, Toph's word is law.  
> -Ba Sing Se might not like the idea of a Fire Lord visiting. It would be a first in history.  
> -The different kinds of Pai Sho are courtesy of http://paisho.pbworks.com/w/page/11167077/Variations  
> -Ishigaki is located in the middle of the Fire Isles/Islands, aka that archipelago of islands that the Fire Nation controls. Ishigaki is five islands over (going south/southwest) from Piandao's mansion on Shu Jing Island.  
> -Penghu Island Chain contains the islands of, going west from Crescent Island: Crescent Island, Ichiba, Jang Hui (from The Headband) Shu Jing (from Sokka's Master), Hira'a (that's where Ursa's from), Ni'Nago and Penghu.  
> -The Fire Nation has Daimyos akin to the Sengoku Jidai era Japan. Each Daimyo has his own castle he owns and an island (or piece of land) to his name. So Suogu is the Daimyo of the Castle of Ishigaki and also the Island of Ishigaki  
> -Fire Lord Fun Fact: Kazuhiro united the Fire Islands into the Fire Nation about around 160BG. I made that up. He's also got his own Unification War.  
> -Fire Lord Fun Fact: The Dragon's Duel refers to the duel between Kazuhiro and Toz, High Lord of Xi'Huo, the final battle of the Unification War. Toz ruled the southern portion of the Main/Great Island and Kazuhiro controlled the rest of what would become the Fire Nation.  
> -Koloa is south of Ishigaki  
> -Watari makes up the lands southwest of the Royal Calderan City. Maizuru is some piece of land out near the west coast of the Main Island.  
> -Fire Lord Fun Fact: The last line of Fire Lords died of inbreeding and cactus juice. The second-to-last Fire Lord of the previous line jumped out a window pretending to be a dragon.  
> -The Avatar's head, when bald, looks like an egg  
> -Punch-isments: A term that our Emperor, Mori, has invented to refer to his own occassion of punching a man so hard an army turned around from its rout.  
> -The Dai Li pairs act like a single unit. If you punch one agent, the other one loses his mind because their affiliation is just that tight. #DaiLiBromance  
> -Mori wields a jian forged by Piandao, but no it's not a space sword. Still quite useful.  
> If you got this far, our Empress, Toph, loves shipping people. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Accidental Kidnappings Are Not Appreciated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, please keep your hands and feet inside the skybison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every comment is appreciated. Thank you for giving them and if you haven't, I would love to hear your thoughts!

Chapter Sixty-Nine:

After finishing our little skirmish in the Royal Dinner Courtyard, I set off for bed. The Avatar was discussing giving all the officials a “fair trial” and I _really_ wasn’t in the mood for it. “Please don’t leave, Your Majesty! We wish to discuss matters that affect all four nations” Aang begged. _Really? Because looking at the bloodstained courtyard, I see lots of people in red, and more red, and no golden suits or green robes. And Four Nations? There's one Empire, one beaten world power, two backwards Tribes living in frozen tundra and one person claiming to be an entire Nation._ “Avatar” and I gave a simple bow to him, for he is a simple person, no?, “Fire Lord” and I gave a royal bow to him, as befitting his stature, “this isn’t my business. Good night” I explained as I walked off. Well the airbender didn’t get it. He came after me on an airscooter, _over_ me, and landed in front of me. “Avatar, some of us have to sleep” I tried remarking. Alas, his puppy eyes and begging demeanor of a food-stricken peasant forced my hand. No it didn’t, I could’ve easily ordered him arrested for trespassing my path that I must tread upon. And I know some rock-glove happy Dai Li who would've happily played 'catch the Avatar'. But I was feeling generous, and also _if I let him harass me now, it’ll save me a dive-in-the-bedroom-window later_. So I halted. And the Imperial Guard halted. And the world halted.

“Yes?” I said as nicely as I could. “These officials, these men and women, you were the one that knew something would happen” he said, putting his finger and his finger together and producing a conclusion. _N_ _o, I didn’t. I’m not Azula_ . “Do I look like a teenage girl with framed hair and blue fire? Or a middle-aged man wearing the General Secretariat’s outfit? I am neither. They tend to have foresight, I don’t even have depth perception” The attempt at humor didn’t work on someone as passionately innocent as the Avatar. “What would _you_ recommend doing with these people?” He asked. _For starters, kill everyone dressed in such a stupid outfit. But that’s not going to happen, so_ “execute them, and their families, banish their distant kin and take the children in as wards”. Such a...Kyoshi-like response was not what the reincarnation of my ancestor had in mind. “But...executing...you can’t kill them!” he sort-of cried. His companions had arrived to further block my pathway. 

“Maybe _you_ can’t kill them, but you can’t possibly tell me all criminals deserve a-” and I halted myself before filling my feet with arrows. _I’m talking to the current Avatar. Not Kyoshi. Not Yangchen. Not Roku. Not even Kuruk._ “Avatar, I’m not from the Fire Nation. I don’t know how they do justice here-” _Well I do. It’s pretty...toasty_ . “-I’d recommend consulting the Fire Lord.” But he still wasn’t satisfied. “How do you keep the peace in your Kingdom-” but I interrupted him. “It’s not my Kingdom, I don’t write the laws, it’s not _a_ Kingdom, it’s an Empire, and I’m not the Grand Secretariat of Ba Sing Se” and I stomped off. He jumped backwards to try blocking me again, but I wasn’t going to have it. So I walked into him, then tried to get _past_ him but he’s a pretty agile man. The Imperial Guard gave him the old “cough, cough, if you don’t move” treatment and he gulped and stepped to the side. “Can I ask Your Earthliness later?” he called out from behind me. “Ask the Fire Lord first. Surely the Fire Nation isn’t run by one guy. There _is_ a law system, somewhere!” and I took to a quick gait and trotted like an ostrich horse off towards the Royal Palace. The Imperial Guard maintained a similar trot and the Dai Li? Well they can slide up walls. But since there’s nobody around, they ran. 

“Welcome to the Royal Palace, Your Majesty. Ten Thousand Years to you!” one of the Imperial Firebender door-guards greeted me. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m so great, here’s a gold coin, now can I _please_ go to sleep” and I ran inside as soon as the doors opened. I also forgot to give him a gold coin, but one of the passing Imperial Guards must’ve heard my comment and tossed him one in my stead. _Well I might’ve intended a metaphorical gold coin, but sure, what’s one gold piece? My scabbard cost more gold than most of these people earn in a year_. 

This time, when I ran down the many halls, they _weren’t_ covered in bodies. Which is good. The Royal Janitors did a good job. The Imperial Guard tried to keep up with me -turns out all these people twenty years my senior don’t get to work out every day- but failed. Miserably. The Dai Li took to sliding along the ceiling _because we might stumble upon a late night attendant and we really want them to know that we can run on walls._ The Dai Li found the correct door and helped assist me, by means of rock gloves, to get there. The two Imperial Guards kowtowed upon my arrival, I smashed the door open and dove face first onto the bed. 

What I didn’t take into account was that someone else might be sleeping in the bed. _You idiot._ I headbutted something, that something screamed, grabbed my braid, I mean queue, my queue is very manly, definitely not a braid, no no no, and tossed me off the bed. “I said no interrupting, Kyoshi!” she screeched, but not as loud. One quick look behind me showed a couple guards, so I had to resort to being all formal. “Forgive me, Your Majesty” but she didn’t care. “How was your evening? Did you bring back the whiskey?” She asked, quite curious. _Wait what whiskey?_ “There was whiskey? No. Zuko wanted me to play Pai Sho, I said no, so half the Fire Nation’s nobility got massacred” and _that_ got her to jump out of bed and give me a shoulder punch. “Great! I don’t care! Where’s the whiskey?” she earnestly hoped there's be whiskey. _I...but...whiskey? What whiskey. Quick. Think of something_ . “The...the Fire Lord banned it due to the Avatar’s...preferences” and she frowned. I got off my back and got onto the bed and began stripping off my clothes to change into something less uncomfortable. “I assumed if you had a battle, you’d bring back whiskey” she pouted. “But I didn’t” I said, disappointed. “Fine...that’s fine. Did you kill anyone?” she said with a far more interested tone. “Maybe? It was hard to tell” _It was dark._ “That’s a lie, Kyoshi” _Oh right, you are constantly honed in on my heartbeat._ “I guess. Only in self-defense” I tried to defend myself with such a claim. _Wait, who are you talking to?_ “Self-defense?” she said in a mock Katara tone. “Who do you think I am? Twinkletoes? There’s no such thing as self-defense. You’re either taking action or not” she assertively declared. _Can we not get into philosophical discussions of the martial aspect of fighting in the middle of the night?_ “So was it self-offense or not?” she bugged with her adorably buggy attitude. _Wait no, the word adorable is 'oogies', note, do not say adorable_. _Also,_ _I guess it wasn't self offense_ . “I don’t know” and I tossed the last of my Imperial Armor off. “Can I just go to sleep?” I countered. “Say it like you're on the offensive, not on the defensive!” she shouted at me. _I’m sorry, what? Offensive? So...scream it?_ “I will go to sleep!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “There you go, Kyoshi!” and she punched my _other_ shoulder. _Ow. Not my not-sword arm, I might need that for not-sword arm tasks such as putting on pants_. “Have a good rest. We leave tomorrow” and she pulled the blankets back up over her. I changed into my Informal Robes, went outside to thank the guards and perching Dai Li -who collectively thanked me for thanking them, and kowtowed where possible- and blew out the candles in the room so I could finally rest.

I woke to the finest sounds of someone snoring really loudly. Not someone, the First Earth Empress, the Daughter of the Spirits, and so on and so on and so on. Suki had come to wake me what had felt like a few moments after I went to sleep. “It’s twilight, Your Majesty. Her Majesty requested to be woken before dawn.” _She did? When?_ So I tumbled over and tumbled off the bed, landing on the _pile of pillows_ that _someone_ tossed onto the floor next to me. My face ate a pillow, and I pressed myself up. “Who put these pillows here? If I fall off a bed, shouldn’t I pay for it?” I asked Suki but the question was vague enough it could've been directed at those malignant spirits that love proving me wrong. “I did” she replied, as if this was something normal. “It’s quite normal for one of the two of you to fall off the bed when waking up, and as such I wanted to preempt your faceplant”. _Well that’s awfully sweet of you, Sukes_ . I got up and thanked her. “By the way, you forgot to take a shower after you got back yesterday” _I didn’t know Katara joined my bodyguards_ . “Speaking of, what’s a Fire Nation shower like?” she asked, curious of the unknown. _I for one hate the unknown. Kill the unknown! Can we fire artillery at the unknown?_ Where was I... right, showers...

It’s hot. That’s what it’s like. Suki joined me, albeit one cell over, since you _never_ know when an assassin may strike and I don't like being caught with my pants down, off and hung on a nearby wall. It was so hot that I felt like I was being scalded. I wasn’t. “It’s hot because there are firebenders beneath us heating the coals and the water” one of the attendants -who don’t know what privacy is- told me from a few Consort’s feet away. “What are you doing in that dark corner?” I asked her while washing myself. “Attending Your Majesty, Your Majesty” and she bowed. _What in the name of Her Imperial Majesty?_ “Why, though?” I asked her, then turned to the wall and addressed Suki. “The Imperial Palace doesn’t have this, right?” and she responded with a “not that I remember.” Whereas any other monarch would be embarrassed or maybe pondering the opportunistic political moves that could be gained from the secrets a shower attendant definitely possess by means of intrigue, diplomacy, bribes, I was more curious about _why_ and less with the circumstances so I chose to use my shower time to converse with this attendant. I was supposed to be cleaning other people’s blood, and dirt, and more dirt, off from my as-sweaty-as-an-Air-Nomad-in-a-brothel body but _no._

“Why are you even attending me? Women aren’t allowed in men’s showers” I used the logic that I recall from the Imperial Palace. That is, for hopefully reasonable reasons, men and women share separate showers. Even if we’re separated by a single wall and share the same ceiling, it’s still separation. Only the monarchs can take a shower together, and considering Toph’s opinions on cleanliness, ‘a protective layer of earth should only be amassed further and further’ I end up taking showers, alone. “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but in the Fire Nation, men and women share bathing rooms.” _What in the name of Kyoshi is this Kyoshian egalitarianism?_ “It’s just like back home!” Suki called out from behind the wall, joyfully surprised. Indeed, it is. But Kyoshi Island isn’t the capital city of anything. And the few villages that remain are so tight-knit that you’d have to be on cactus juice or suffering from Midnight Sun Madness to try anything with anyone. “We believe that just as men and women share the battlefield, so shall they share dressing quarters.” _Yeah, okay that makes some Kyoshi-based sense. But...a monarch? Have you read up on your history, random attendant whose name I don’t know? Surely you are aware of the countless bastards the Fire Lords, not the recent ones, have produced._ “Listen, random person I don’t know. Privacy exists. It’s a great thing to have” and I emphasized this by covering myself with a towel. 

“Would Your Majesty prefer if I left?” she asked with the voice of a delicate flower who was blissfully unaware of the concept of bastards and creepy men or women. “Yes, but thank you for the offer of ‘attending me’” I politely rejected her, and she bowed peasantry-to-royalty and left. As the curtain flapped, I changed the subject. “Suki, how much gold do you want to bet that when the Avatar shows up to take a shower, he’ll faint from these ‘attendants’” I said in somewhat of a whisper. “No gold, you’ll win the bet.” she responded. Then I had a question I wanted to ask Suki. “Suki!” I shouted through the not-ceiling-height wall. “Yes?” she responded, turning the spigot off so we could converse. “Would _you_ like it if some random man you didn’t know was ‘attending’ to you in the corner?” was my question to her. “Not really, no. Speaking of, am I the only one who finds having an attendant watching you from a corner strange?” she gave her thoughts as a response. “I think anyone, except maybe your boyfriend, would find that weird” I countered. Wondering where she was going with this, I wrapped a towel on, walked around the corner and encountered another female attendant also standing in a shadowy part of the corner. Granting Suki the privacy of...privacy, I walked up to this attendant and politely asked her, in the loudest voice I could muster “please stop watching my cousin, and do get out!” Unlike some people, she has ears and obeyed my wishes, and left. I could feel Suki’s smirk and heard her “thanks for that." She turned her shower back on and I mine.

We finished up at roughly the same time, sensible as all Kyoshi Islanders learn the same practices for _everything_ , dried ourselves, got dressed into Informal Robes and Kyoshi Warrior outfit respectively, and set off from the shower room. A line of attendants were waiting _just outside_ the curtain. Stopping -not a good idea- to inquire as to why some ten women were listening to the two of us shower, they explained that they would’ve attended to us. I love attendants as much as the next monarch or relative of monarch or second-in-command of a realm, but this is a bit overboard. It reminds me of when Kuei had some twenty concubines gifted to him by Long Feng to ‘keep him busy’ -and no, considering he has no known bastards I’d assume Long Feng’s message was referring to keeping him busy with board games and talking about wildlife- so he wouldn’t grow a sentience and become curious about _why_ his city was teetering on the edge of the sixty-sixth Peasant Rebellion. Those concubines were dragged from the farthest reaches of the Kingdom based on merits of beauty...to serve as people the Earth King could converse with.

As we walked down the hallway, we heard _gongs_ and _horns_ . Gongs. And horns. “Is that-” Suki began “It better not be” I finished for her. “Dai Li!” and a bunch of agents dropped and stuck the landing. “Grab us and get us to those horns!” but the pair responded with “but we don’t know where the horns are, Your Majesty”. _Of course you don’t. The Dai Li aren’t a hive mind, yet_ . “Well can you get us to the entrance of the Palace?” and they nodded. And we took off. And by took off I mean they grabbed us with rock gloves and slid along the floors. We forbade earth waves because we didn’t want to damage the Royal Palace. Palaces are quite pretty and deserve being kept in such a condition. _Unless the ruler insults you, then you’re free to turn it to rubble_ . “Why can’t she wait?” Suki yelled as we were dragged along. “You and I both know why” I told her back in my not-shouting-sounds-like-shouting voice. _Because Toph has as much patience as the Avatar has a killer instinct_. Some tense, nail biting -well they would’ve been nail biting if my hands weren’t bound by rock gloves- time later, we arrived at the front doors. 

Sure enough, Toph was off by the gate, flinging stones at things that aren’t stones. Correction, she was playing ‘catch the boulder’ with two Imperial Guards. She stomped the floor at one point and “What took you two so long?” she asked, redirecting the boulder sent flying at her into the beautiful wall of the Royal Palace’s compound. The man that tossed that had this _look_ on his face. Like he was about to be executed. His partner looked at the two of us with a _I-didn’t-do-it_ expression. “We took a shower” I spoke for the two of us. “Oh, together? I didn’t know you two were from the Water Tribes!” and she laughed. Suki and I exchanged a look and shrugged. “We wear Water Tribe colors” Suki responded with pride in her voice. “I didn’t know my Kyoshi liked his cousin like _that_ ” “Stop, just stop” and I successfully halted a discussion that could’ve gone south faster than a boat on the trade winds. 

My first thought wasn’t to, well our army, the Avatar, or anything like that, but _clothes_ . “Where’s all of our stuff? Clothes and such?” I asked, addressing one of the stationary Imperial Guards facing the massive doors of the Compound. He spun around and revealed himself to be Wuhan, Captain of the Imperial Metalbending Guard. He kowtowed out of respect, rose, and said “Her Imperial Majesty ordered us to take everything from the room, both your clothes, other clothes, furniture, the bed, the sheets, the candles, the flavored soaps, the bikini that Your Majesty left hanging on a bikini rack, the bowl of hippo-cow jerky, the-” “Okay, enough. You took the entire room.” and he nodded. “His Majesty, the Fire Lord, personally approved our requisitioning.” and Suki jabbed in, literally, with “so I guess the Consort’s got a bunch of bikinis now”. “Oh, how fashionable!” I said, pretending to be the crazy pink-shirt wearing companion of Zuko and Mai. I even through in a hand-flap flair to match her airheadedness. Wuhan stiffly nodded. “All the clothes are on trucks heading to the docks, should Your Majesty be interested in grabbing-” but his harsh voice was cut off by the Empress's much softer “-I wouldn’t, thanks”. _Well if Toph ever learns what a beach is, maybe she’d want to wear the latest Fire Nation red. Who knows. It's more likely I'll learn to airbend than Toph going swimming. Also, what even is Zuko’s reasoning? ‘Here, take these clothes’. Wait, it all makes sense. Out with the old, in with the new. Wait, does that mean these are clothes that Crown Prince Ozai and Lady Ursa wore when they...no...no...no...It’s too early for whiskey_.

Speaking of traumatic memories, Appa roared and flew towards us, blocking the Sun that had just risen over the rim of the volcano. The three of us became one and walked out past the gates. The platoon of Imperial Firebenders bowed and chanted “the Royal Palace sends off Your Majesties!” A _truck_ was waiting for us on the other side. Not just one truck, but many trucks. I walked up to the truck and tossed my scabbard in. Yes, I have a scabbard at my side, even when taking a shower. Why not? I may not be wearing pants but if Suki’s got two knives in her wrappings for ‘unexpected emergencies’, I’m allotted a sword. And if Suki can quickly unsheath her sarashi knives, I should be able to quickly unsheath my blade. And no Toph, that's not a euphemism.

I banged on the wall of the truck. _Metal_ . Nice and metal. “Where were _these_ during the siege?” I asked the sky. None of the Generals were here to answer the question, so maybe I’d answer it myself. I wouldn’t. “You know, we could’ve used the whole ‘advance with defenses’ while we assaulted all those _trenches_ ” I remarked, again, to nobody in particular. “Your Majesty, this truck only came ashore yesterday” the polite Imperial Guard responded from the driver’s seat. “If only we had _this_ it might not have taken so many waves of men to-” but my monologue about insane battle plans was stopped by Appa’s bellowing _in my face_. Okay, it wasn’t my face, it was a few Consort's feet away, but that’s still a no-no for the monarch, or even me. 

“Good morning, Your Earthliness!” The Avatar said as he jumped off his skybison and bowed all Air Nomad style. _That’s still not a title._ “Twinkletoes, Kyoshi and I are not not ‘Your Earthliness,’” Toph of all people responded for me. _Thanks Toph, I knew I could count on you_. “Well he’s not Twinkletoes,” Katara jutted in, all defensive of her boyfriend. Toph waved her hand, trying to wave this pointless discussion away. “While I’m glad to have this early morning meeting, I’d like to be off for Ba Sing Se” and she walked past the bowing Avatar. The truck fired up and started after her, maintaining her speed. “We have Appa! We can-,” but she walked away. _Don’t toss a rock glove at me_ but my thoughts were interrupted by a rock glove being tossed at me and grabbing one of my arms. “Not the arm!” I shouted so she grabbed the chest of my robes instead. And she dragged me over to her while she walked. I went past Aang, who bowed to me, and Suki, who had the displeasure of having to run after the both of us. “I’m going to go with, no, Appa isn’t faster than-” _what are you even saying, you idiot_ , so I shut my mouth. “Appa’s quite fast, aren’t you buddy?” and he patted the giant skybison’s head. Who bellowed a 'yes,' I imagine, except I don't speak mythical beast.

Toph didn’t relent. She kept stomping off towards the beach and when she finished dragging me over, I joined her stomping. “Can we take you to the beach?” he offered. “If I say yes, will you leave us alone?” I asked, annoyed at the airbender floating alongside us, and he bobbed his head. _I wasn’t actually going to agree to it._ “Fine” Toph threw her hands up, turned around and walked to the skybison. “It’ll make up for the time we lost due to _you_ taking a shower,” was her reasoning while she pointed at me with her nose-picking finger. _Toph, do you remember what happened the last time you were in a skybison?_

Toph has such an adorable, ear-breaking, glass-shattering, earthquaking, scream. Or, I might say that if her nails weren’t digging into my skin as she hung on to my chest and torso like she was about to fly off. “Don’t let go, Kyoshi, or I’ll kill you!” and she dug her hands in further. _Ow. Ow. My skin. Ow. Ow_ . I wasn’t going to let go. With one hand, I grabbed the rim of the saddle. I wrapped the other around Toph. _If I go, you go. But hey, we can both die screaming! How noble and glorious! And...there's no whiskey so we don't even get to die hammered. Well that sucks._ Aang kept reassuring us that “I’m not even diving or anything” but, as I said to him, “stop trying to reason with Her Imperial Majesty,” which earned a giggle from Katara. _I didn’t mean it like that_ . “I...meant, if she hates flying, she hates flying” I clarified, but her ear-piercing scream made it hard to say anything. “We’re not falling” I reassured her, and she removed her nails from my skin and sat up. She still wouldn’t stop with the “Ahh!”. I wasn’t _looking_ at the ground, but I heard horns go off. “Avatar!” I yelled over the wailing Earth Empress. “Those horns!” I shouted. But he interrupted me. “Don’t be worried about it! They're here to send us off!” 

They weren’t. The faintest shout of “Artillery! Release!” and my sole eye went wide. _No. Not the artillery. We spent so much money and time on...oh no_. Suddenly, the sky in front of us had shells _exploding_ , causing a smoke screen to block our sight. “Hold on guys! I gotta dive!” and now both of us were yelling. Incoherent yelling. I was yelling prayers to my ancestor, Toph was yelling “I hate flying!” and "Kyoshi I _will_ kill you if I die!" and grabbed me even harder. Suki was also quite scared, and kept trying to remind Aang to “land before you get us killed!” but he didn’t listen. Katara and Sokka? They seemed calm. They just...this is normal to them. “They’re-” _bang,_ a shell went off next to us “launching” _bang,_ and another “anti” _bang,_ and another “aircraft” _bang_ , another one for good measure “shells” _boom,_ went something much bigger. A shell zoomed over our head and flew into the cliffs off to our right. And exploded. My hands were tied by a certain Earth Empress and her pincer grip, so I tried pointing at the cloud of smoke with my foot. Didn’t work. “Suki, the cliffs!” and she looked across the saddle and off to our right. “Not the naval pieces,” she said in a faint whisper. _Yes, the naval pieces. The large naval pieces that can turn us into paste_.

“Your Earthliness, why are there ships pointing metal tubes at us?” Katara asked, her face showcasing that she was finally realizing what was transpiring. _I wonder. I really wonder._ “They think you’re kidnapping Her Imperial Majesty” and she countered “but we’re not” with her _I'm right, you know_ voice. Thank Sokka, he joined my side. “Katara, Aang, someone heard her screams and I guess they thought we were-” But Katara has no patience and cut him off “but we aren’t.” _Clearly, none of you have ever had anything to do with running a country_ . “Why would we kidnap her? You’re our ally!” Katara said, frustrated, and she crossing her arms. _Don’t make me get into geopolitics._ “Because nations are always on one side right?” I said, sarcastically. “Right!” she shouted while another shell went off, unaware of the sarcasm. _Why aren’t they hitting Appa? Of course, they don’t want to kill Her Imperial Majesty_. 

“Hold on, I’m coming in quite low!” Aang announced from the front seat. “Low? You’re going to” but my cries of concern were stopped by _rock gloves_ . Now the _Dai Li_ were ascending the side of the skybison. “Your Majesty!” one of them shouted while some dozen of them stormed onto the saddle. Aang dived down just in time to avoid a pair of rock gloves, Katara, involuntarily, I hope, uncorked her waterskin. “Men, don’t kill them! They aren’t kidnapping us!” I screamed over the possibly ensuing fight between one boomerang wielding teen, one girl with a single waterskin, a pacifist who wouldn’t harm a fly and six pairs of elite trained assassins. Aang crashed Appa into the beaches, sending sand flying upwards around us. _Oh no. The beaches...  
_

A bunch of rock gloves grabbed the three non-Imperials and tossed them over the side. Sticking my head off one side, I spotted four _tanks_ pointing their turrets at us. And that was on one side. _If you open fire on me I will haunt you_ . Toph released her grip, jumped off the bison and started kissing the _sand_ . Now, she doesn’t like sand that much, compared to earth, soil, which she’d make out with all day and night. But she was kissing the sand, which says something about her thoughts on flying. Back to the Avatar and his companions, they were apprehended and dragged to the side. A battalion of the Imperial Army, flags and all, were standing off to our right, and they immediately lowered their spears at us. _Right, you’re going to poke the Avatar to death_ . _How much of a Chin-head do you have to be to think that'll work?_

I’m sure the Dai Li, and soldiers, saw Toph’s vile hatred for flying and probably made the assumption she wanted the three killed. So I jumped out and yelled “don’t hurt them! Her Imperial Majesty just hates flying!” and the three looked up at me from odd perspectives. Aang and Sokka were heads-lodged-in-sand, Katara was squinting with a burning passion of hatred or something that sounds romantic if taken out of context, _and definitely will, Pu-On Tim,_ and was otherwise lying on the sand like a regular apprehended person _._ That burning passion was justified, if all perspectives are taken into consideration. Only now did the artillery fire cease. _I guess they got bored of shelling Caldera a third time_. 

A few fingers of time later, Suki explained that Toph just hates flying and that the Avatar wasn’t kidnapping her. _Thanks Sukes, I know I can trust_ _you_. Katara and Sokka were furious, Aang was busy apologizing. “You're lucky you weren’t executed for your little heist” the Dai Li agent who arrived on the scene said with his stern voice. _Oh good, annoy the world-ender_ . Toph _pardoned_ the three of them, using the justification that “I’m on my way home” and she stormed off. So their fates were left to me. And I’m not a fan of declaring war on the Avatar while on Fire Nation soil, so I repeated Her Imperial Majesty’s wishes and gave chase to her. Suki joined me and we boarded an Imperial Junk that was waiting at the docks over by the northern cliffs. General Mak’s tower was still there, a few blocks in. The anti-tank stakes were mostly clear, _lucky the Avatar didn’t land his bison on one of those gigantic spikes_ . _Talk about being poked._

We boarded the ship, passed all the kowtowing guards, sailors, and so on, and Toph went off to explore the ship while I went topside. The skybison was still there, down the beach, just...sitting there. _Why_ ? My answer came in the form of a Dai Li agent yelling “the Avatar has requested an audience with-” but I cut him off when I heard 'audience'. “You’re kidding, right?” I said, almost breaking down from laughter. _Right? He’s kidding. Surely._ He wasn’t. “The Avatar is here, Your Majesty” came the agent's voice. _Really? What in Kyoshi?_ “Ask him this, ‘when will he leave us be?’” I said, half-serious and half-exhausted, and the agent repeated it. He sternly called back “Once he gets a single question in, Your Majesty!” _After all this?_ I had a solution to this. “Tell His Holiness that I admire his madness, and to have him tell _you_ the question” and the agent requested the question for a question. 

“As Your Majesty has addressed him, ‘His Holiness’ wishes to know ‘what do you suggest he do with the officials from last night’s party’” and that was the point where I just _couldn’t_ . I mean...waging a continent spanning war? That's reasonable. This? How do I even? I let out a roaring laugh, and completely lost my composure. I spun around, ran down the stairs from the topside, then over to the gangplank, _down_ the gangplank, and up to the two agents sitting in stance, physically blocking the Avatar from entering. “You listen here, _Avatar_ . You’re mad! You hear me. Mad!” and I paused for another laugh. “Most of these people think you just stole their Empress and now you’re showing up to ask us a _question_ ?” I screamed, and screamed. Credit to Aang, he’s a persistent buzzing insect. Find me _anyone_ from the Earth Islands to Xishan who has the guts he has. What he lacks in killer instinct he makes up for in blind stupidity. “Didn’t you say you’d be up for asking a question yesterday?” he asked, innocent. I really don’t know how this young man hasn’t lost his head. Multiple times. “Did you hear anything I said?” I feigned stupidity. “I did, you think I’m mad. Which is fine. Everyone’s free to-” and I cut him off. “Leave. Go ask Zuko what to do.” and I tossed in a challenge. “If you aren’t busy repopulating the Air Nomads, drop by Ba Sing Se and ask as many questions as you want” and he bowed to the three of us and walked away like nothing happened. There’s no way he’ll do that, right? The Avatar has too many otter-penguins to save or a girlfriend to go on romantic oogie-filled trips with, right? Right? 

The truck arrived bearing all our stuff, all kinds of strange clothes were brought on, like, from memory; the bikinis, other bikinis, robes of every known shade of red and black, medicinal and herbal supplies, sanitary supplies, spices, my Imperial Armor, my weapons, Toph’s arm bracers, an entire bed, at least two crates of towels, thirteen boxes of varying soaps, forty-one barrels of Fire Whiskey, some books on the Hong Dynasty, a copy of Iroh's writing, and so on. I heard a screech and ran up from overseeing the loading of supplies to see Druk’s silhouette rising from the volcano rim. He flapped, flapped, and gilded towards us. Not us, but the beach in general. “Do not attack him!” I called from the top of the ship. Soldiers repeated the call and gave the massive beast room to land on the beach. Zuko, _and Mai,_ got off and brought up their hands to give a royalty-to-royalty bow to our ship. _How did they...maybe he actually has an intelligence service. Good job, Zuko._ Our junk had massive Imperial Sigil bearing sails, one of which was unfurled. So maybe he's just got two good eyes. _Wait no, maybe Mai has two good eyes_. He spoke to a pair of agents, who then slid over to our dock, ascended the side, and jumped topside. “His Majesty, the Fire Lord, would like to come aboard. When asked for a reason, he stated ‘I wish to thank His and Her Majesties for everything they’ve done.’” _Sure, why not_ . _He’s not as annoying_ . _Maybe I can hit two duck-geese with one arrow_.

While Druk and Appa took off to play a game of “chase the other guy”, mostly consisting of Druk trying to coil himself around Appa or grab one of Appa’s many feet with his talons, Zuko and Mai walked over to the side of the ship. Suki and I went down one of the walkways and met them at the bottom. The two of them bowed to the two of us. Zuko and Mai recited their well-rehearsed mini-speeches, thanking Toph and I for everything we did. _Toph sat in a building then chucked a mountain at someone, or something like that, and I led a bunch of frontal assaults. You want to thank someone, thank Fong or Song. Well not Fong, he’s the physical incarnate of a rock. Maybe a rock being tossed at you._ “Zuko, can you please find Aang and tell him about laws, or something” I boringly asked, and he raised an eyebrow. “Laws? Why?” he countered, surprised. “Well he’s been annoying me over laws for what to do with criminals in your nation. The officials who attacked us last night.” I clarified the last part and made sure to enunciate as a formal person aught to do. He continued looking surprised. Mai spoke for him. “They’re dead. Attacking the Fire Lord is an executable offense. Why would we do anything else?” _Mai, I like you. Forget what I said about being gloomy. Well, don’t forget about it, you still wear the perfume of death, but you’re fun. At least you wear your terrifying-ness on your sleeve._ “So you didn’t put them in jail?” I asked, pretending to be Aang. “Why would we? Your Dai Li killed most of them anyways. Why would we spare them?” she stated somewhere between frustrated Mai and assertive Mai. Suki yelled out something I couldn’t hear then asked me if she could ask a question. I was fine with it, so she went ahead.

“Lady Mai, on behalf of the Kyoshi Warriors, I would like to request you to teach us your deadly throwing skills” Suki asked like she was asking Koko the Sixth to teach her a new kata. Mai actually smiled. _That barely-a-smile smile._ She’d fit in with the Dai Li. Both are silent assassins. “Your Majesty, may I draw a knife for demonstration?” she asked me, while bowing. The Dai Li hesitated, I had them back up, they nodded, and I let her. “It’s quite simple” and a blade slid out of her loose dress. “Zuko, can you stand next to that earth pillar so I can demonstrate?” she asked, nicely but also quite coldly. He _agreed_ to it and walked over to a stationary earth pillar some distance from us. Near the rear of the ship. “It’s all in the wrist, really” and she lined up her target. He was far enough away that I’d probably struggle with an eyeshot with a bow. She flung the dagger and pinned the cloth of his Fire Lord robes -just beneath his right wrist- to the pillar. He pulled the blade out and held it up in a pose of gratitude to her. Suki was grinning like a certain Prince when he discovers there's still meat available for consummation, no, that's my cousin. I meant consumption. “Please teach us” Suki asked all childlike and _pleading_. “Well we live in two different cities, it’s kind of hard to meet.” Mai retorted, back to serious self. And while the two nonbending awesome fighters conversed, an egg of an idea was hatching inside my head.

“What if you come to Ba Sing Se in a month or two?” I spoke up in the middle of a conversation I wasn’t listening to. Something about the deadliest points to strike on the body, the neck, wrists, the arteries of the thighs, something like that. Zuko and Mai shared a look, a head nod, and Mai spoke for the two. “Wouldn’t it be fair if you taught us something, in response?” Now _that_ was a chin-scratcher. “I guess we could, what would you want to learn?” and Mai casually looked around. At the Imperial Guards. The Dai Li. Suki. Me. The ship. _We can’t give her the secrets of the Dai Li_. “Zuko, what do you think?” she asked nicely, and he joined her in looking around. I was hoping he wouldn’t ask for the Dai Li, but also expecting he would. If he asked, I’d tell him we’d teach whoever was asking the basics of the Dai Li. The stuff that any resident of Ba Sing Se knows about them. I was surprised at his response. “I got nothing. Give me a few weeks to find out whatever issues we have” but before we could agree to the deal, Suki reminded me that Toph didn’t approve last time. 

So I ran inside, down some stairs, down more stairs, down a hallway, face-first into a door, _you pair took too long_ , and stumbled into the Imperial Quarters. “Hmph?” she mumbled while toe-picking. “Mornin’ Kyoshi. ‘We ready to leave?” she pretended she wasn't picking her toes to lie back and stretch out to occupy the entire adult-sized bed. “No, I’m here to ask you something...complicated” I asked, nervous. She rolled one of her wrists. “Go on” she said in an _I’m bored_ tone. I explained Suki’s request, that the Kyoshi Warriors could do with learning Mai’s excellent throwing dagger skills. From growing up on Kyoshi Island, I recalled that the Kyoshi Warriors had no way to deal with foes at a distance. Toph asked _why_ they’d need these skills when we already have the Dai Li and Imperial Metalbending Guard who are quite capable of ranged combat. I responded with not facts, just my personal beliefs. I’d like a personal bodyguard that has a mastery of both melee combat and ranged. They don’t need to be bowmasters but I’d rather not rely on the Dai Li. And more importantly? I want my home island to have _the best_ of the best. If there’s a skill out there, the Kyoshi Warriors better learn it and get good at it. Toph stated that “as I said, I’m not against them visiting, I just don’t want them getting married in my capital”. Keyword ‘my’, for it is her capital, not mine. I took that as consent to Mai’s request, and ran as fast as my legs could carry me back to Suki and the two Royals. 

“Good. When do you think we can come?” Zuko asked, in a good mood. “I don’t know how long it’ll take to sail back. From there, I don’t know how long it’ll take for us to get home. Let’s say...show up in two months” I stated, randomly. _I have no clue when we’ll return to Ba Sing Se. For all I know, the seventy-fourth peasant rebellion is happening._ The two agreed, the four of us exchanged bows and Suki and I boarded our ship. Horns sounded not long afterwards. I ran topside to watch the Imperial Army lined up on the beach off to our side. They were in one massive formation, stretching from end to end. Probably some two dozen wide, with lots of spacing in between, and hundreds from cliff-to-cliff. As the horns sounded once again and I felt the ship begin moving, a rotund man bearing the outfit of a General of the Imperial Army stumbled out of, hopefully a tavern, probably something more bloody and shouted. “The Imperial Army sends off Her Imperial Majesty! The Imperial Army sends off His Imperial Majesty!” and he drew his twin red dao. _Lu Ten’s dao._ “Ten Thousand Years to the Emperor and the Empress!” he boomed. He shoved the dao into the sand. The entire beach kowtowed while shouting “Ten Thousand Years!” 

Are you watching, Avatar? That's how you say goodbye to the city you just sacked. No, he wasn't. He was watching his skybison headbutt a dragon in the head.

* * *

Our lone ship sailed away from the docks. The Upper City became like a single, wide step. The four, five story apartment buildings meshed together. General Mak’s tower, once the base of operations for the entire Lower City, was a lone pillar from a sea of red and white. One day, all those apartments might become inhabited again. The large holes in the side of the volcano were like scars, cutting into the green grass of the mountainside. The Lower City, and all its trenches, booby traps, explosives, and ballistas meshed together. Who would possibly know there were some seven trench lines?

The ones who remained...

Platoons of children and old men held the line.

Platoons of children and old men charged us.

They fought through the day and into the night.

Until the last body fell. Until the red sun rose on a burning city.

They fought a losing battle. They fought a losing war.

The final gasp of the Fire Nation’s imperialist intentions was more like a single flame wisp being extinguished by a sea of soil.

 _All of them died for nothing_.

I couldn’t get my eye off the city. Suki told me to go get lunch, I just sat there, staring. “How many did we lose?” I asked the sky while Suki stood to my side. “The numbers still aren’t in.” she said. Eventually, she became fixated on the city, too. Every foot of that beach. Every house. Every shop. That single tower watched us. “How many days” I asked a vague question. Probably addressed at myself. “I don’t remember” she replied. “How many troops did Song command?” I asked another question I once knew the answer to. “Tens of thousands?” she pondered. _A hundred_ thousand? “And did you see that beach?” “I did” she said, putting a hand on my neck. “How many people were there to see us off?” I said, bordering on tears. “A thousand? Two?” she said while nodding. _Which means the rest weren’t there._

“Just think, one Avatar could’ve ended this war months ago” and I clenched my fist in anger. “Months? The whole Hundred Year War started due to Roku’s incompetence!” _And Aang’s...well I don’t know. Wherever he was a hundred years ago, it wasn’t the Earth lands._ “Just these months. Hundreds of thousands fell. Who knows how many died over the entire war?” I asked the skies. Maybe they'd tell me. “Tens of millions, at least. Maybe a hundred million. Maybe a number so high we don’t have the word for it”. she said what I was thinking. _And all those lives could have been spared if the Avatar killed Sozin_.

The junk passed the Great Gates of Azulon. Both of the massive chains are gone. Now Azulon can look down at us with disappointment. Or approval. Or anger. He’s a statue. What can he do? _And now we can sail to the Fire Nation whenever we want. No more Fire Nation offensives. No Fire Navy. No zeppelins. No Comet. No bomb-filled jets suicidally diving at us. No army. Just one man, his Palace, and a pile of dead officials._

Any contemporary historian would probably say “the Fire Nation was not just Caldera”. And they’d be right. There’s millions who call the Fire Islands their home. But _a few thousand_ of them, a few thousand old men and young boys, female officers and schoolgirls, cadets, sailors, Home Guard, a few thousand loyalists to Bujing. They made the largest army in the world take...days, a week, _weeks_ , to break. We had artillery. We had tanks. We had overwhelming numbers. And...but a few thousand stopped us. No wonder Long Feng hated the Fire Nation. His last words were right. Inside each firebender is the potential to be a one-man or one-woman army. No wonder Ba Sing Se was locked down. If a couple untrained firebenders can put our technologically advanced force to the test, then what could an army accomplish?

But the contemporary historians are fools. They’ll go to Ba Sing Se University and tell people of our strategic brilliance. Of Zuko’s rallying of the population. They’ll tell everyone “it was a perfect combination of events”. Really? Are all those dead militiamen and militiawomen in agreement? Are the wrecked tanks, littering the...what was it called, _Azulon Thoroughfare_ , would they agree? Sure, because Toph can chuck a mountain at her opponents. The rest of us can’t. The smart professors will go “the Dai Li’s encirclement broke the Fire Nation’s back”. But I didn’t see any Dai Li. I didn’t see any White Lotus either. The only White Lotus I saw were drinking tea. They were somewhere, doing something. Capturing a mass pilgrimage of peasants fleeing west is great, but what’s the point? The Dai Li got the easy end, they got to race west and pin the Main Island down. The real heroes were people like Suki, one katana-wielding nonbender. They took the city. They bled.

Would the Imperial Guard agree that this war was “strategic brilliance?” When we were ordered “not one step back”, was that strategic brilliance? Who sent the waves of militia in first? Where was the Colonial Navy. Where _is_ the Colonial Navy? Where did they go? Where was our excellent reconnaissance? Nobody told Fong that the highway would be filled with mines and ballistas. Nobody told us he’d almost take a ballista to the chest had he not parried the thing with a warhammer. Where was _that_ reconnaissance? 

Where was the Avatar? What was he so preoccupied with? Oh right, he’s bringing peace to the world. I asked Suki what she thought of “having a flying skybison capable of tactical insertion” and she laughed. “Where was _that_ during the Lower City?” she asked, fake laughing. Of course she’s right. “You know who could’ve done with some healing. Some magical waterbending healing?” I asked her. “The Imperial Guards. The soldiers. The militia.” she answered, forcing a laugh. “You know when we could’ve used a firebender on _our_ side? The Upper City.” I told Suki. She agreed. Nothing’s more fun than charging a defensive position at night, inside houses that may or may not be filled with explosives, and we don’t know who’s who and what’s where. Light a torch? Some firebender’s going to snipe you from a rooftop.

I watched the rim of the volcano disappear behind the horizon. Now, we were out on the sea. Good thing the city wasn’t fully manned or none of us would be alive to even sail east. A professor may say “but just as the volcano has disappeared, so to will you move on.” Really? Long Feng once said that “any man who does not learn from the current events may as well be living in the past.” Not that the Avatar would know. If he even _met_ Long Feng, he’d think he was a tyrant. A despot. Considering Kuei was incompetent and General Cao was _too_ proud, it’s a good think Long Feng had a contingency because had Song not randomly appeared from his Southern Campaigns and struck down the vanguard, Ba Sing Se may have waved a Fire Nation flag and a Crown Prince, maybe Fire Lord, Iroh would be sitting on the Badgermole Throne.

We spent days sailing, and just sailing. I’d watch the Sun rise and set. A strange, once familiar, feeling. The Sun wasn’t rising in clouds of smoke, it wasn’t rising covered by buildings, and horns of war weren’t blowing. The Sun didn’t vanish behind the volcano, only to curse us with an early night. The sea breeze changed. In Caldera, it had a tropical taste to it. Out in the Mo Ce, bitterly cold winds bite us, well not Suki, I or our Warriors, but everyone else. Those cold winds felt like home, despite us being far from it. That said...all these days went by in a fog. A sense of "its over? It's really over?" and the associated numbness.

We were forced to follow the trade winds. They carried us through the Straits of Amami between the eastern tip of the Main Island and the second-largest island, just to the east. Sakuri. From there, it was on to the Hono Sea, which hugged the southeastern coast of the Main Island. Sailing southeast of that brought us to the “Burning” Mo Ce. So named for the line of ships which look like a wall of iron spikes to distant eyes, the site of our engagement in the Mo Ce Blockade almost a year ago. The _first_ time we tried to take Caldera.

We spent our days discussing the War. Bards would soon sing tales of the heroes and heroines. Of famous battles and duels. I was the One-Eyed Badgermole. Suki, the famed Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors. Let alone Toph. Every engagement gave her an additional title. But was the world at peace? We don’t know. In the worlds of Kyoshi, “the realm is never at peace, it is just not at war”. 

* * *

Suki and I had a meeting with Toph in her bedchambers, well _our_ bedchambers, and we brought up the Kyoshi Warriors and their lack of long range capabilities. While Toph had already agreed to the training, why wouldn’t she, it benefits us, Suki and I chose to discuss our mutual childhood. Part of why Oyaji requested I learn to use a bow and arrow was along the lines of “when the militia is called, the Warriors can fight in melee while the militia harass them from behind trees.”. And he was right. Suki brought up one specific event, one day that both of us remember quite well.

I remember the smell of the morning dewfall. The cold, still air. A heavy snow the night before. Mid-spring, so the Sun wasn’t going to touch our house when it rose. Normally, some of us would be hunting duck-geese as they take flight after dawn. Whenever dawn was, that is. I had gone out with another two men, their names were long forgotten to me. The three of us rode on skis out to the inlet, whose name I have also forgotten. The two men were adults, I was but twelve. _That was only four years ago?_ They were taking me duck-goose hunting. The alarms rang, echoing up into the mountains. We raced back to the village but Suki and the other girls had already set out for the beachhead.

Most of the older women had taken the young children and fled into the mountains. As men of the village, even I, we were to head to the upland forests around the beachhead that the Chin always approached us on. Kyoshi modeled the island so that save a few hidden montane hiking trails, the only sensible approach was the main beach. Us Islanders knew the hidden places to launch kayaks and canoes, the bastard sons of Chin didn’t. 

The Unagi normally dealt with our attackers. Today, it wasn’t there. The Chin couldn’t land on the beach. When I and the other men took our skis and went up to the evergreen forests around the beach, we watched the Chin landing far out in the bay, forced to walk atop ice. These were _daofei_ , not Fire Lord Azulon’s Royal Army. Still from Chin. Folk tales say the Chin would pay them to attack us. Even if they didn’t, thousands of _daofei_ used to attempt to attack our island. Not at the same time, usually in groups of a hundred or two hundred at most, once a month. One of the first groups that approached us that day decided to group up and some ten men fell into the icy water together. There, they struggled to get out, only pulling more _daofei_ in. 

Some hundred and fifty were all that remained by the time they got to the beach. They tried to light fires to burn the forest but the spirits favored us, for a light dusting of snow put out any attempts of theirs. The hundred men split up. A large contingent charged towards the village. I didn’t see what happened there, but Suki did. I’m going to quote her for the next part.

“So the _daofei_ leader ran up the main approach. After he passed the inland spruce grove the girls sprung out from behind him. I was part of the group assigned to defend Oyaji’s village. Most of the girls hit his rear. He thought there were lots more of us than there were and he kept going towards the village. As he did, my group ran out and attacked him. We formed a shieldwall and did not break. His men surrounded us, our shieldwall became a circle of shields. We did not break. Awe yelled ‘break formation’ and each of us attacked an individual target. I took on a man armed with a spear and sliced it in two before cutting him down with my fans. The rest of the girls did well. We didn’t lose anyone. After we killed the _daofei_ leader we had unintentionally caused the other _daofei_ to break up and spread out. Cousin, anything to add?” 

I’ll write what I told the two. “We pulled most of the _daofei_ away from the village when we let loose with a horn blast and a volley from the trees. We didn’t have to hit anyone, just scare them. My group of three attracted the attention of a platoon of _daofei_ . They ran at us but the thick snow meant they couldn’t get far. Each of us launched an arrow. The other two landed fatal hits. I missed mine because my hands were shaking from the cold. We grabbed our poles and went further up. Suki, you know what I’m referring to, but Toph, on Kyoshi Island, the mountains on either side of the main approach are steep. We only had to go a little bit further back to get to the point that the _daofei_ couldn’t climb up to get us. They noticed this and ran away, not before each of us got a hit. All three were chest shots. 

We skied back down to the edge of the forest and caught the _daofei_ that were retreating. Our side and the men opposite us pelted the exposed _daofei_ as they ran down the beach. One turned to try and attack me, but I skied back up the slope and he was hit in the head by a fellow hunter hiding in the trees. There were only, what, twenty of us total? Ten on our side ten on the others? And between the twenty of us and the thirty girls, we defeated a hundred or so.” Suki confirmed what I said and Toph smiled. “So the two of you have some experience,” she said, grinning. “I wouldn’t call it experience, Your Majesty” _oh what am I saying,_ “I wouldn’t call it experience, Toph. Most villages that deal with _daofei_ have local militias. Ours is just better” and I smirked and winked, which caused Suki to laugh. Toph appreciates a good story, and Suki and I have lots of good stories. 

* * *

Every day, we’d hold discussions aboard the Imperial Junk. The Generals and the Grand Secretariat weren’t present, so it was mostly just Toph, Suki, Wuhan and I in the Imperial Throne Room sometimes and the bedchambers other times. And Wuhan mostly stood outside the door or came in to give his thoughts on anything related to discussions on the northern lands. Think Xishan, home of the ‘barbarians’ to which he calls home.

We discussed Zuko and his traitorous officials. Unsurprising to anyone, we are tired of dealing with the Fire Nation and its problems. It’s not our land, it’s not our problems. We’ve got a massive Kingdom, well Empire, to run. The Fire Nation is no tribe, it’s a _country_ . Even if the Avatar assumes all organizations are run by one person, that doesn’t make it true. We run the Earth Empire, well Toph does. I’m her aide and whatever role she desires of me. Suki’s Captain of _my_ guard. Han, wherever he is, is Grand Secretariat of Ba Sing Se, now a rank that might as well be Prime Minister. How, Song, Fong, Zhi and Jun are the Imperial Commanders of the Imperial Armies. There’s hundreds of magistrates. Every province has multiple commanderies. Every commandery has dozens of officials and officers. 

We have concluded that the Fire Nation’s issues are the problem of the Fire Nation. We are more than happy to have open communication with Fire Lord Zuko and bring on a peaceful era with him, but we have enough trouble running our own lands. As of writing this, we have a bunch of topics I have mentally recalled and will now record for future court meetings:

Our large number of direct rule territories. Most of the Earth Empire is managed on some kind of backwards “village and town” system where instead of provinces like in the Fire Nation, a hundred thousand villages, some five hundred towns and multiple cities all directly speak to Ba Sing Se. There’s nothing between us and some backwater village in Wahee province. Note, when I record province, there’s no actual leader of Wahee province. The great thing about this is all villages are theoretically loyal to Ba Sing Se first. But tell that to someone living in Nantu who has never travelled to Ba Sing Se and never will. We need a system that makes the number of people we need to speak to smaller. This deserves a discussion of its own. A centralized Earth Empire is unstoppable but we left Ba Sing Se for one season and we’re probably going back to a room of papers stretching up to the ceiling. Speaking of disorganized...

...Our disorganized military. Five Imperial Commanders run a continent-sized army. It’s one thing when we can point them at the Fire Nation and yell “attack”. The Council of Five is quite competent, and it is because of their actions that the Earth Kingdom was able to mount a resistance to, sometimes even counterattack, the Fire Nation’s offensives. That said, it’s too few Commanders. General Fong has to manage the entire Si Wong and all lands south of the Great Divide. Omashu, the ore mines of Zaofu, the trade port of Gaoling, the trade port of Meilan, the Earth Islands, and all administrative regions in the Southern Sea. The chain of command is stretched. Speaking of structure...

...A lack of an upper social group. Toph kind of, sort of, definitely, ordered the mass arrest of much of the nobility of the Earth Kingdom. Not all of them, and not everyone from every family, usually the patriach, but anyone involved in the dozens of assassination plots against her. We need _someone_ to run the towns and cities. Magistrates are great, but they aren’t exactly known to be reliable. As of writing this, I have no idea what the Earth Empire’s structure is like. We could return to a civil war, or a four way conflict. All I know is Ba Sing Se is ours and…

...New Taku isn’t. Who even controls New Taku. The Avatar? We forgot to ask him. We _could_ march in with the Imperial Army, but we can’t march in without knowing who runs it. What does New Taku think of us? Who are they even sworn to? Us? The Avatar? Are they independent? What’s their government style? Can we influence their government with diplomacy? Will they allow trade with us? Is the leader qualified? Speaking of qualified…

...A qualified nobility. The Daimyos of the Fire Nation inherited their posts. The Earth Empire’s lands changed hands some generations and remained with dynasties for others. We need a group of people that are loyal to the Earth Empire first and to their self-interests second. We’d need a system that could discriminate against idiots and keep the ones with actual merits. Something akin to the Royal Fire Entrance Exams. Or the old Gentleman System, something Song obeys. It’s where one must become a master of the blade, the bow, calligraphy, and the ostrich horse. _So, not me._

These were but a few discussions we had. There were many more “discussions” that weren’t discussions. They were pure fun. Toph challenging members of her Imperial Guard to wrestle each other. Toph and I wrestling while our guards watched in entertainment, obviously rooting for Her Imperial Majesty. Suki and I wrestling, the Kyoshi Warriors split between their auburn haired Captain and their auburn haired Consort. Okay that sounded wrong, but still. Suki being dared to climb to the top of the junk, then doing it and causing at least one person’s jaw to drop.

We have just spotted land. Everyone’s cheering. Soon, we will return to the Earth Empire. Soon, we will return home. But where? “The Omashu coast” helmsman Lee just said. _Oh for Kyoshi’s sake_ . “We’re landing anyways” Toph yelled. “This means we can go to Earth Rumble Seven!” and she jumped up and down, cheering. _Oh no_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Toph and friends go Innnnnto the Mountains! And because Toph loves stories, its storytime!
> 
> Encyclopedia Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (Or: How to understand what I just wrote):  
> -Mori rejects the concept of Four Nations because the Empire has dozens of ethnic groups that are tangentially loyal to the Badgermole Throne. History has shown many of these groups to be rebellious, forming their own 'nations.  
> -Royal Janitors are paid quite well for rarely having to do their jobs. This is the case with both Earth and Fire janitors.  
> -Toph likes the smell of whiskey more than she likes drinking it.  
> -The word adorable is oogies, unless Toph is using it. More on that in chapter 5 and 6.  
> -Suki loves a good shower to start the day. And in the case of fighting a battle, to end it, too.  
> -Kyoshi taught people the hard way that if anyone tries anything in a shower, they'll be cut in multiple pieces. Thus, every Kyoshi Islander knows from birth that while both men and women might share bathing, its not seen as sexual in any regard. It is a social norm. This social norm is not as common elsewhere in the Empire, save unique places like Omashu. I took the idea of Kyoshi being egalitarian, Kyoshi Island being egalitarian and in the middle of nowhere, and tossed in some historical precendences I thought were appropriate. Real historical precedence: see, Sauna Culture.  
> -Finland is Kyoshi Island part one: Sauna Culture  
> -There was once a member of the Pho Zel dynasty who was reported to have 7 bastards in one night. All from shower attendants. Succession crisis time!  
> -Kuei was the nerdiest Earth King to ever live.  
> -'Catch the boulder' is a popular pastime for master earthbenders.  
> -Mori is scared of Ty Lee.  
> -Toph had to hold on to Mori while they flew about, meaning if Mori was scared, that'd be all Toph would sense. Poor Toph.  
> -For non-Records readers, the Artillery Truck is the Mechanist's truck from canon but with a metal tube strapped to the back. It's operated by an earthbender punching a shell, explosive or stone, out of the bottom of the tube. Think firebender-powered cannons from LoK but for earthbenders.  
> -The Imperial Artillery Corps is the second largest branch of the military behind the infantry. This is because Toph loves her 'big boom pieces'.  
> -At least one known Artillery Truck has an image of Toph's face on it with the words "fire the big boom things!' scrawled beneath it.  
> -The Naval Pieces are not a name of a band, but instead refering to pieces of artillery the size of trebuchets and able to...well, as you've seen, punch much bigger holes in things.  
> -The Four Nation (SWT, Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation-loyalists aka Zuko, Iroh, and Aang) Alliance is a first in history.  
> -Pu On Tim loves shipping everyone with everyone else. As you'll find out in about forty chapters from now.  
> -The Earth Islands are the islands south and southeast of the Earth Kingdom, not counting the de jure Air Temples.  
> -Xishan is the far north, west of the Northern Air Temple lands.  
> -Mori likes taking inventory of his supplies.  
> -The two nonbenders married to the two bending prodigy world leaders have the potential to get along well.  
> -There have been anywhere from sixty to two hundred peasant rebellions depending on what counts as one. A few thousand rebelling in Ba Sing Se might count but a few thousand rebelling out in the far south is just a yearly, not-noteworthy, event.  
> -General Song wields Lu Ten's double dao. All Fire Nation princes are trained to be experts with the twin dao and Lu Ten was no exception. 
> 
> -Mori might write a song in future about the Second Siege of Ba Sing Se  
> -Want to read about the Second Siege? It's the finale of Records. Go read that.  
> -Long Feng knew a lot about the world. All that knowledge didn't save him from a lightning bolt.  
> -The Straits of Amami are between the Main Island and Sakuri Island. It is between these islands that intense trade winds that blow south carry civil vessel and Fire Nation offensive.  
> -Finland is Kyoshi Island part two: Skis.  
> -All Kyoshi Islanders learn to ski. And they love it.
> 
> -The Earth Empire is big. Like, really big. You're going to explore but a few commanderies in the next few chapters.  
> -The Earth Empire's backwards governance system is due to the constant gaining-and-losing from the Hundred Year War and lack of ever owning the entire continent. The Earth King was the titular ruler that people bowed to but that was it.  
> -Toph only arrested a few nobles. Most of them were the Governors of Provinces (Province = multiple Commanderies) which means most of the EE has been reduced to local level rule. So its 'much of' in terms of political influence.
> 
> Bonus Fact: Toph likes to interrupt Mori's showers. "But...I'm without pants!" "And I'm blind!"


	4. The Barbarian and the Naked Bowfisher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empress and friends go wandering into the mountains and share stories around a fireplace.

Chapter Seventy:

“Your Majesties, welcome to Dahai!” the man flanked by two soldiers sporting a small goatee kowtowed to us. Her Imperial Majesty walked right past him, meaning I had to walk past him, meaning Suki and Wuhan had to walk past him. _Poor him._ Quickly enough, we left him behind on the dockyards. I caught up to Her Imperial Majesty and asked “can we at least stop to get a map?” and considering she stopped, summoned a stone seat, and reached down to grab her toes, I took that as a yes.

Our small entourage of Imperial Guards surrounded this one goatee wearing man and his official’s robes. The sea breeze calmed down and the army of flags around us stopped billowing. We were on a wooden pier jutting out into a bay of some kind. Somewhere. “Who are you, where are we, where’s the nearest city and which way’s Gaoling” were the questions I asked of him. He kowtowed again. “I am Deming, assigned the Magistrate of Dahai” _I only understood one of those words._ “Your Majesties are in Dahai, a port town in the province of Xingan.” he said in that classic noble tone. _I know people think I’m a walking map, but I have no idea what that means._ “Going straight over the Two Lovers Mountains” and he pointed down the main road ahead of us at the peaks off in the distance “Your Majesties will find the Free City of Omashu”. _So this is the Omashu Coast. It’s not as rocky as I was led to believe_ . “Gaoling is that way” and he pointed off to our right, towards the southeast. “But between you and Gaoling is the Great Swamp. _Daofei_ have blocked up the Gong Basili pass” _What’s a Gong Basili and can we colonize it?  
_

I smiled a bunch because politeness is great, then I turned to Suki, since she has eyes, and went “where’s Xingan?” An attendant came running holding a scroll. He had to kowtow to Her Imperial Majesty’s toe picking before walking around her, facing her, and handing us the scroll. Unveiling it on a stone table one of the guards made, we saw a map of...the region. Even with my knowledge of the Earth Kingdom map, this is still confusing. 

So we were in some place called Dahai. The commandery ran along the Jianjiang River and shared a long border with the Two Lovers Mountains. A commandery called Kuqa borders Dahai to the northeast. In turn, Kuqa borders the _Si Wong Desert_ . There’s a commandery to our south, Yangxi, which appeared to be flat plains on the map. To its south is another commandery, and to _its_ south is something I actually recognized: the Great Swamp. The three commanderies are part of the province of Xingan, which in turn is titular-ly in the provincial region of Omashu. Omashu was so close to us that if it weren’t for those...tall...imposing...treacherous to pass...mountains...we’d probably see the City of Omashu. If we wanted to get to Gaoling, it’d be wiser to get back on a boat.

“Your Majesty, it would be wiser to embark and sail around the...cape of Chin, if we wanted to get to Gaoling.” Believe me, I have to say 'Cape of Chin' through gritted teeth. That's the Cape of Yokoya and those are the Kyoshi Straits. Something about the word embark _really_ annoyed Her Imperial Majesty. “If you make tell me to get on a boat, I will kick you into that house over there” and she pointed at the house _over there_ , or rather _a house_ down the road from us, for emphasis. “I’m not getting a boat. We’re walking. And we’re walking that way,” she pointed at the mountains in the distance, and she got off her seat and walked down the road. The entire town had filed out of their previously important occupations to watch Her Imperial Majesty in her wrestler attire walking down the road. Mayor, or maybe Governor, let’s settle on Magistrate, Deming, shouted after Her Imperial Majesty. “Your Majesty, the Two Lovers Mountains are impossible to cross. We of Dahai fear for Your Majesty’s-” but I walked up to him from the side and went “Oh will you shut up” and he went all _confused_ and kowtowed. “We require provisions” I told Suki, who then told him. “Right...right away Your Majesty” he stuttered before redirecting his fear in the form of yelling at two attendants. Quietly, he muttered “don’t say I didn’t warn you, you-”. Something, I don’t know what, called me at that moment.

 _Punch_ . “Respect” _punch_ “your” _punch_ “Empress” _punch_ . Enough punches later, he crumpled to the floor. “Forgive me, Your Majesties” he wept. His guards looked at us with fear, then nodded and understood to _get us those provisions_ . Why did I do it? Just because _I_ think Her Imperial Majesty is insane for doing this doesn’t give some minor county lord the right to think that. Granted, she _is_ insane for doing this, but I’m going to follow her anyways. What did Her Imperial Majesty think of this? She didn’t care. “I just want those...whatever you need. ‘Provisions.’” she said while standing still from the middle of the street.

The trade town of Dahai behind us, we _walked_ across the plains of Dahai. I forbade the execution of Deming and we left him as we approached him, the magistrate of some town that is unknown to anyone outside of this part of the world. We were offered carriages by passersby travelers but Toph rejected them because she prefers being barefoot while on such 'sweet sweet soil'. Toph ordered the entirety of the Imperial Guard, _and_ my Kyoshi Warriors, to embark and meet us in Gaoling. Both groups, plus the Dai Li, who had accompanied us, begged to come along but were rejected by Toph. At least this means we don’t need as much food. Which left the four of us to traverse the entire southwestern Earth Empire. Toph, myself, Wuhan and Suki. The Blind Bandit, the One-Eyed Badgermole, the 'Barbarian Imperial Guard' and the Kyoshi Warrior. With us we brought some two weeks of food, papers to record entries, our armor and weapons. 

We reached the foothills of the mountain range at sundown. Toph wanted to continue into the mountains but the other three of us _needed_ something to eat. Ahead of us sat a couple of twinkling lights, so we agreed to stop there for the evening. It needs to be mentioned that the entire path was dark. As we neared, I noticed that it was some kind of wall around a spire. As we came up to it, a man called out from atop the wall. “Show yourself, stranger!” and Toph let out her booming laugh. “I’m the Earth Empress!” and she laughed some more, not taking the man's challenge seriously. The front doors opened and a pair of guards approached the four of us. The torch carrying guard looked us over, _she’s down there_ , I had to point _._ Finally, they looked _down_ at the short Earth Empress, who was preoccupied with picking her ear. “By the Spirits-” he muttered. “Send word to the-” he started yelling, but Toph shushed him. “Thank you, thank you” and she walked right past him. I smiled at the wide-eyed man and followed her. The other two followed me. He resumed his call. “By the Spirits, Her Imperial Majesty has arrived!” he yelled. A gong sounded.

Some old man dressed as an Earth Sage approached us. He almost fainted. “By the grace of the-” but he cut himself off. “Greetings, Your Majesties” he said, half-scared and half-nervous and got down on the ground. Toph backed up a pace and the man kissed the ground she was just treading on. “Welcome to the Temple of Shwo” and he continued kissing the ground. I gestured for him to rise. “Your Majesties, we have a bed in the Temple’s spire already prepared.” “Why?” I asked. _Why ask? Isn’t it obvious. Far-flung region, very rural, probably worships Her Imperial Majesty. Oh, and he's literally worshiping the ground she's walking on._ _Considering I've faced the foot-end of a chest stomp once or twice, I don't see him worshiping me. I also don't want him to so we're even._ “We have prepared the bed since we became aware of Her Imperial Majesty’s obtaining of the Mandate of the Spirits” he nervously told us. Nervous probably because he thinks she's a goddess incarnate. _Exactly my point._ Before Toph could jut in and destroy her own reputation, I went “we appreciate the offer and we will accept the bed.” I felt her get furious at that, so I changed the subject. “Do you happen to have a tavern?” and the Sage brought up his hands to bow to me. “Of course we do, down the path, make a left” and a pair of guards led the way. There are but a few things all agree upon with the Earth Empire. A tavern in every village is one of them. 

The Fire Sages and the Earth Sages have different opinions on alcohol. The Fire Sages have a specific use for it, the act of drinking a special blend for purification purposes. They claim those who drink the substance will be blessed by Agni for the next harvest season. Whether the “harvest” refers to the literal harvest of crops or “the harvest of victory” is unknown. As the Fire Islands lack arable land, the ritual is traditionally believed to grant a superior crop harvest. Though, with the advent of Fire Lord Sozin’s reforms to the worship of Agni, the latter has risen to be the norm in terms of beliefs. Finally, there’s a belief founded by a sect of Sozin-reformists that the “harvest” refers to the massacre of the Air Nomads, as they are the nation of autumn, the season of harvest, and that those who drink the substance will be given the same strength of will or courage or something like that that the firebenders had when they faced the Air Nomads. 

This is because common consensus in the Fire Nation -and much of the Earth Empire- is that the Air Nomads put up a harsh fight, draining the temples of air, suffocating their opponents and themselves. Others summoned great winds to blow firebenders off their high peaks. There’s even folk tales that Air Nomads grouped up and created city-sized typhoons, destroying their own holy sites to annihilate the Fire Nation’s offensive forces. No matter who one is, when in a last stand, they will fight to the bitter bloody end. An airbender who doesn't care for the Air Nomads' ways could kill anyone. What was I even writing about? Right, whiskey.

Every Earth Temple brews its own...flavors. Some are good, some are bad, some are excellent, some would make me regret paying the nothing that I paid to drink it. All Temples need to have _some_ method of making money since all the praying doesn’t cause gold pieces to rain from the sky. So someone, probably ages ago, realized that since most Temples are located along pathways of some kind, they can expand the facility to build an inn, some houses and a tavern.

So the four of us walk into the tavern and the couple weary travelers immediately pay us heed, noticed the eyepatch and the short girl dressed as a wrestler, got up and kowtow. A correction, they’re drunk, so they got up and fell over themselves. _It’s the thought that counts_ . The man working behind the counter also kowtowed before asking for what we’d like. The patrons sitting on the stone stools next to the main table departed them to give the four of us seats. “The strongest stuff you’ve got” Toph asked, slamming her fist on the table. “I’ll take a water” the gruff, harsh voiced Wuhan requested. “No you won’t. You’ll take what I’m having. All three of you will!” she exclaimed. _But I wanted a cup of water, too_. 

“Here it is,” he said, happy, and put two large goblets down on the table. “Two Lover’s Brew. Tales say Oma and Shu first discovered the recipe”. _Of course they did. If someone existed, they probably invented a type of ale, mead, whiskey, clear whiskey, and so on_ . Toph grabbed the goblet and downed it before I could even come up with the words for the question I was going to ask. Then I came up with those words. “It’s called ‘Two Lover’s’ brew, does that mean it contains cactus juice? I’d rather not have-” but Toph stuck a palm in my face. The man hesitated. “No, Your Majesties, that’s Two Lover’s Dark. It’s got lots of good uses, if you know what I mean” and he attempted to nudge me but ended up looking like an idiot because he’s nudging, well, _me,_ in a crowded bar where all eyes are looking at the Empress and her _-I’m-not!-a-servant-_ Imperial Consort, I mean Emperor! I'm the Emperor! So everyone else broke into laughter. Playing up the hilarity of the situation, Suki jumped in. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said in a mock Katara accent. Toph almost choked on her drink and the two of us went, at the same time, “good one.” Nobody else understood what we were getting at but they joined our laughter anyways because it’s probably illegal -no it’s definitely illegal- to _not_ laugh when Her Imperial Majesty is laughing.

While Toph downed one, two, three, four of these drinks, I took one sip and spat it out. “This tastes like bread. Why would I drink bread?” Suki agreed with me -”this isn’t a hard drink”- but Wuhan agreed with Toph. And if Toph likes it, which she did, that’s all that matters. I wasn’t going to let her beat me so I downed another goblet, and another, and another. It’s not that it was sharp, like Kyoshi’s Own, it’s that it had no taste. Water has a taste. Milk has a taste. Fire Whiskey tastes like burning. Clear Whiskey tastes like it’s going to stick a katana in your throat. This? Bread. If I wanted bread, I’d drink bread. Then again, as I said, some stuff the Earth Sages brew is good. Some isn’t. 

As the tavern keepers of the Earth Empire tend to be wellsprings of information, Wuhan asked him some questions about the state of the region. _Because they listen to everyone else’s problems._ Whereas suggesting anything to Toph is forbidden, Wuhan and the owner can engage in normal people back-and-forth conversation. As it is impossible to reach the city of Omashu from the north due to the mountains, the only usable route runs along the western foothills before circling around the southern extreme at the town of Xiejia. One cannot travel east because not far beyond Omashu lies the beginning of the Si Wong Desert and no caravan owner would dare the desert, no matter the riches. And this man claims that _daofei_ hold the section of the route some day’s ostrich ride from us. “There _is_ a hidden path that runs through the mountains, but it too is populated by _daofei_ bands challenging travellers”. Toph heard the word challenge and blurted out “and I’m going to kill ‘em all!” earning a cheer from the patrons. Also, she confirmed that he was telling the truth. Which meant _we’re going that way, aren’t we. Of course we are. I’ll take one whiskey for the road_.

Did we take the comfortable, heated, bedroom in the tower spire? No of course we didn’t. Toph slept outside the walls on the earth itself. The three of us who weren’t as hammered requisitioned three ostrich horses for use because I’d rather have mobility. Wuhan built a stone structure to contain the four of us while the Earth Sages brought us actual blankets to use. And by us, I mean the three of us tossed them on Toph because Suki and I were born on Kyoshi Island and Wuhan’s from a Barbarian tribe in Xishan. Cold is our friend. It molded us. I say that because everyone else froze to death leaving just the craziest of us. And those with Kyoshi's blood, for we're born crazy.

The next morning, the three of us were awoken by our internal attraction to the rising Sun -seriously, we have no Sun for like half a season, we _miss_ the sun- and we assembled our gear. Wuhan and Suki each took an ostrich horse while I stuck a sleepy Toph on mine. All our provisions were packed, our blades at the ready, and we set off. The Earth Sages gathered atop the light grey stone palisade to kowtow to us. A gong sounded and our ostrich horses trotted towards the mountains.

We weren’t to ascend up to the ridgeline, we were supposed to “just head east” and if we “just kept going east” we’d reach the hidden pathway. The head Earth Sage, Gansu, handed us a local map with a line drawn to mark our pathway. Follow some river basin -but on the right side, not the left- as it winds its way up the mountains and eventually we’ll reach a montane lake with a large sign. “You can’t miss it” he said. So Toph waved her hand in front of her eyes and I slid off my eyepatch and pointed at what was once an eye and laughed at the same time. 

Well we followed his instructions. We followed this rough map east. I gave one last look to our west as we were about to vanish into a valley. I faintly made out the town of Dahai on the coast. Somewhere further north was a village. That must’ve been the village of Laolinkeng. Nothing special about it, just confirmed that we _were_ east of Dahai. Shwo on the other hand was but a couple houses around a Earth Temple. Ahead of us? A winding valley crowned with peaks on either side. There’s absolutely no sign that Omashu is even to our east. On either side, thousands of evergreens.

The Sun rose in front of us and climbed high in the sky as we followed the right side of this mountain range. We’d cross a small stream every so often. All of them fed into this riverbed to our left. For our sake, there _was_ a hiking path to tread upon. The peaks to either side were covered in snow and the evergreen forests blocked most of our cross-valley sight. The first day was nothing special. We stopped twice to eat, stopped three times to relax, and stopped ten times to let Toph stretch her little legs. It should be said that when she’s uncomfortable she likes to hug onto something she considers safe. Whenever her connection to the earth is cut off, she feels uncomfortable. So I was left with a sore chest and a numb arm, but at least she was happy. Which is all that matters. 

As the Sun disappeared behind the tall peaks, we found a hunting lodge. A small sign hung outside the door. “A hidden path you seek, follow the trail of the hunter”. This wasn’t marked on our map, but one of the patrons in the tavern had made a passing comment about a hunting cabin. So we assumed this was what she was referring to. It was empty. A few spark rocks, some gathered pine needles and the logs inside the fireplace were lit. As the fire crackled, the four of us gathered around the hearth and enjoyed the warmth.

What’s a fireplace without some stories? “As we’re in the mountains, I propose tonight’s storytelling is about mountains!” I said, in pain, because the numbness in my arm was finally dissipating. “Hear hear!” the other three chanted. “How do we decide?” Wuhan questioned. “Rank?” I mused, _because then I’d be second_ . “Hardest-punch?” from Toph, _so then she’d be first_ . “Years of experience?” from Wuhan, who has more than all of us. “Best duelist?” from Suki, which... _is that a vote for me or are you trying to say your katana is better? Because it is, but thanks for the vote of confidence anyways_.

“Captain Wuhan! Entertain us! Someone else, get us some whiskey!” Toph commanded. Suki and I both got up and wandered around the cabin. “There’s no-” but my comment was chopped. “Whiskey” Suki finished my thoughts. It's not the first time we spoke as one and it's not going to be the last. So we returned to our seats, disappointed. I was between the wall and Toph, Toph had her back facing the door, Suki was to her right and Wuhan was on _her_ right. 

“Hm. Mountains” he mumbled. “What’s the specifics? Are we discussing mountains or events we did on mountains?” _I wonder. This isn’t Ba Sing Se University._ “You tell us” Toph said while, for once, actually facing the person she was talking to. Her hands enjoyed hugging some fur that was warmed by the fire while the rest of us downed our boiled river water. “So I’ve got a story about this hunt we did-” and he began a tale of his.

“I grew up in the Northern Mountains, what you Southerners call Xishan, in the tribal lands of Majia. Every spring, we’d have yearly hunts to commemorate the start of the new year. That year happened to be when I’d commence my rite of passage. I went to the shaman, Asalup, and he took the blood of a hunted raven and painted a stripe on either cheek and my forehead. This was deemed protection from the spirits so that on my rite of passage, my fallen ancestors would imbue my spear with their strength.

I took to the mountains of Zhenzheng, where our surname comes from, with just a spear and a small dagger. My father, Kozel, and his chief, Kopyak, would participate in the yearly hunt as well, but it was my responsibility to duel a saber-toothed moose lion. I found the tracks of a moose lion and gave chase. I ran over fallen log and stream, galloped over hidden trails and across waterfalls. I heard the cracking of tree trunks as the beast marked its territory by rubbing the trunks. If it broke the trunks of these pines, that meant it was a full adult. The rest of the hunting party left the two of us alone. 

It was supposed to be between him and I. Two warriors emerge and one leaves. If I fell, then I’d have died attempting a rite of passage. I was not allowed to retreat, then I would be spitting upon the cave tombs of my ancestors. I wasn’t going to retreat. I sat down atop a small rock and sent prayers to my ancestors. Prayers that, if I were to fall, I would die with their names on my lips. That way, they would not be shamed. 

I descended from the rock and came towards the beast. We believed that the most dignified death was for the beast, or I, to die in a head-on duel. Attacking from behind, flanking, those were considered shameful. Did people do it? Sure they did. But the way I see it, if I’m going to die, let it be charging the Lord of the forest. The beast turned to face me and bellowed. He was as close to me as that door is to the four of us. I spotted Chief Kopyak standing atop a high rock nearby. He chanted a prayer and I repeated the prayer. 

The beast bellowed again, lowering his horns for the charge. I tried to roar back at him. I clenched my spear and he charged towards me. As he ran at me, I ran back at him. He tried to impale me with his horns, but I stuck a spear through his eye. The speartip broke off, the moose lion wailed, and ran away. That was not the end of the fight. I gave chase to him. The rest of the hunting party stayed at a distance, watching I chase him.

I had more endurance than he did. As he ran out of energy, he tripped upon a fallen log. I jumped on him from a higher point and stuck my hunting dagger into his neck. He bucked, I held on, and he fell upon his legs and I fell from him. I gave a prayer to the dying beast. ‘Thank you, oh brother, for giving your life to strengthen mine.’ and as the tribe caught up, they bellowed and roared in cheers. The chief watched me from atop the hillside while my father came down to join me in cutting up the moose lion.

But this was the beginning of the story. The whole hunting band chanted “Man of the Zheng!” as we took pieces of the meat and began the arduous process of carrying the animal back to our tribe. All the way back, they sang prayers of the glory of our clan and of the stars smiling, the Sun and Moon praising us, and so on.” and Wuhan’s voice changed from being happy, perhaps bittersweet, to one of gloom. “As we approached the Majia river, all those spirits came crashing down upon us. Ram’s horns. _Raiders_.

Not just any raiders, the Northerners. Three of their cutters were sailing up the Majia river. The rest of our hunting band was wearing the furs of the moose lions they had slain during their rites of passage. All carried bows, arrows and spears. Our band came down the hillside and Chief Kopyak began beating his chest. He sang ‘Sons of the North Star! Leave your boats and die with glory!’ and the rest of the band chanted it. We always advance!

Now that I had become a man, I was going to join them. Those Northerners got off their cutters, and their blue cloaks contrasted sharply with the brown forestbed. The rest of you have _seen_ the Northerners. They claim to be ‘the True North’ and that we are but savages. We take pride in being ‘savages’. And for all their spirituality, they had no problem sailing down rivers and warring with us. But Kopyak _was_ the ‘True North’. He beat his chest, the tribe banged their spears against tree trunks, and all combined their roars into one large chorus. We will charge our cowardly foes.

The waterbenders cowered along their river, taunting us with inaction. Kopyak ran first. He had a bow and arrow, and stuck one of the waterbenders in the eye despite a hundred trees being between the two. He screamed something and took his spear and led the rest of us on. He was a proud chief. He used his war horn to summon the entire river valley, before taking his spear and plunging it into one of the Northerners. We will fall upon their benders with the force of a fallen star!

Most of them had spears and shields. They interlocked their shields and dared us to come. We feared no shields. Kopyak ran into the shieldwall, snapping spears in twain before catapulting himself over their wall. He was struck by an icicle through the chest. He pulled the icicle out of his chest and began duel wielding a club and an icicle. As he bled out upon the riverbank, he tackled the Northerner’s leader into the river, impaling the cowardly man with his own icicle.

My father and the others drew their bows and pelted the shieldwall. When Kopyak fell, we wailed ‘he is one with the spirits!’ and the Northerners countered with a taunt about him being a savage. Calling us savages drove us to drop our bows and grab our spears. We charged their spearwall. We do not back down!

We were cut down like wheat before a scythe. The waterbenders, those cowards, got into this _stance_ with eight tentacles and began grabbing individuals from us and tossing them into the river. Others would slice our necks from range with water whips that turned to ice at the tips. Others would impale lines of men with these tentacles. The Zheng are not all fierce nonbenders. Many of us are earthbenders. We summoned rock walls to block their icicles. I used my spear to enhance my rudimentary bending, punching a hole in their shieldwall. Their ram’s horn cried and they broke formation, charging us. The cowards had grown a backbone!

We do not use the word 'defend.' The closest is 'cowards'. We kept charging. More and more of us were being cut down. The earthbenders refused to let their nonbending brothers die alone, so we threw ourselves on them. But like the ocean, they retreated to their cutters before coming back even harder. My spear reduced to nothing, I retrieved a dao, a rare blade for our tribe, from Togli, one of our chief hunters. He had gotten it from a fight many years ago, and now he was lying in front of me, blood gushing out of his head from a icicle impaled through the skull.

With a rare metal blade in my hand, I cut one of these raiders down, cutting spear arm from body, before cutting head from neck. The Northerners think they’re wolves, well we think we’re moose lion. Their wolf helmets blocked most strikes, but they are not wolves. When our spears found weaknesses, they impaled. Our boulders could go through any of their water. Though, their tentacles grabbed our projectiles and tossed them back at us.

One more time, their new leader called a retreat. We thought they’d return, but they didn’t. The cowards. As they sailed down the Majia, we cheered. But our cheers weren’t as strong as they once were. Some ten of us were all that was left from a hunting band of three dozen. My father and the others retrieved our brothers. Another tribe had showed up, hearing Kopyak’s call. 

All the tribes of the North like fighting. We live for it. But when the Northern Water Tribe stretches its tentacles, we band together. The Xainza and their Chief, Sugr, as per time honored tradition, would help us bury our fallen. For all our fallen, whether Majia, Zhenzheng, Xainza, Si Gou, Zhag’Yab, Weiyi, are but cousins against the Northerners. They carried our brothers back to our tribal home. The wife of the late Chief swore a blood oath upon her fallen chief that our tribe would sally out to the North and take vengeance. We’d pay for our lives with theirs.

Our brothers were buried in the traditional hill tombs of the Zhenzheng plains, our ancestral tombs. The shaman beckoned their souls to ascend to the realm of the spirits, where the Great Hunter holds His Hunts. We buried them, as tradition would dictate, with the garbs they fell with. I asked to toss Togli’s dao in, but the shaman stated that ‘his strength is with you now’ and that I should carry his blade with pride. So I did. Still do.

In the following days, I was named a Man of the Zheng and fur clothes from the fallen moose-lion were crafted for my wear. That-” and he bowed to the three of us “-is my story about the mountains. Now-” and he had to wipe tears from his face, “I would like some time to go give a prayer to my ancestors.” The other three of us were quite in awe. We were speechless. One hand wave from Her Imperial Majesty, he kowtowed out of respect, and he walked out to give his prayer.

How could anyone surpass that story? He came back inside right after leaving and stated “Your Majesties, if you come outside, the stars shine upon us” and Suki and I joined him outside. Toph, obviously, has no interest in stars. So while he prayed to his ancestors, which Suki and I gave him the privacy to do, she and I looked upwards. As he said, and as I’ve recalled from many-a-night at sea, the sky was crossed by a salmon-colored scar. A million stars were up there, twinkling. The salmon scar was intricate, veiny...immense. And it was imposing. In fact, words do not do it justice. Find land far from cities and look up at the stars. Even Emperors must kowtow in humility towards such a massive domain. And such we did. In Wuhan’s beliefs, the stars were the hunting ground of his ancestors. And a shooting star that lit the sky as bright as day was deemed the ‘flying arrow’ of his ancestors. That shooting star was _quite_ bright and vanished far in the northeast. The greatest swordsmiths forge blades from fallen meteorites. Wuhan’s tribe forged arrowheads from them. _That’s something I need._

Sometime later, the three of us went back inside. Wuhan was much happier. Toph stomped the ground and went “alright, who’s next!” and Suki and I exchanged a look. _Don’t pick me. Don’t pick me. Please don’t pick me_ . “I vouch that His Majesty has a _wonderful_ story related to mountains!” _Which one? We lived in the mountains. Be specific._ “Oh really?” Toph asked, sarcastic as ever. “Yes...really” I said, disappointed that _I was chosen_ . “Captain, what story are _you_ referring to?” _Please don’t say the one with the inlet._

“The one with bowfishing, water, and two naked women” she said nonchalantly. _Thanks Sukes. I knew I could count on you_ . Toph broke into laughter, Wuhan smiled once again, and Suki enjoyed giggling at her shorthand version of the events at play. “ _Well_ , Kyoshi, I didn’t know you liked other women. Now I’m curious” Toph said, laughing. _Thanks Sukes_ . “Can I not?” I begged. “No” and she tossed a rock glove at me and pulled over to her. My capacity for movement of my legs was lost due to a rock glove, my objective was now to not have my arms go numb again. So I agreed, even if the agreement was a muttered “ouch, yes, I will tell you”. Kyoshi Islanders are men and women of their word. _Sadly_ . And nobody reminds me of that more than Suki. _Thanks Sukes_. 

“One day, many years ago, but not that many, I used to go bowfishing. So a few weeks before I left for Gaoling, correction, before I left for the Colonies before stumbling into Shirahama, becoming someone important, watching my boss get toasted by a crazy princess, then watch said princess purge the entire city of officials while I was dragged to Gaoling...where was I? Right, I used to hunt fish with arrows.

So one day, there was heavy snow but I still wanted to go bowfishing. So a certain young woman sitting here-" and I paused to let Wuhan nod his head while looking at the giggling Kyoshi Warrior "-told me ‘go to the hidden inlet and catch a fish for me’ and I used that as an excuse to cut classes and go chase a fish. Brilliant, I know." and I flailed my hands out to emphasis the brilliance. "So I take my skis, bow and quiver, and poled my way, _get it Suki? Do you get it? Pole. Ski pole._ " she got it. "Right. I poled my way to this hidden inlet. I heard _something_ splashing, and being both freezing cold and suffering from normal sunrise madness, I drew my arrow-" and I pretended to hold a bow in one hand while drawing an arrow back with the other, "-and fired it at the water. Nothing happened.

I go down to the beach, chasing away a falcon-fisher, and spotted a school of fish swimming about in the water. So there I am, I nock an arrow, and before I can fire it, I get tackled by two other villagers into the water. Was this a joke? I have no idea. The two ladies opted for a clothless swimming session. So now I’m freezing to death, my skis are wet, my clothes are wet, but I _won't_ give up. I got out of the water, pulled off every last bit of my clothes because they were all drenched, and what’s this? The women had brought along bottles of Clear Whiskey. I grabbed one and downed it, and there I am, not with clothes, launching arrows into the water. Eventually I hit a fish in the side, pulled him out, and...my clothes are ice water. 

Well it’s a good thing two women showed up and gave up their clothes, right? So I’m both hammered and with a fish and confuse one of their kimono-tunics for one of mine, put it on, and trot my way back through thick snow to the village. I got back just in time for when the Kyoshi Warriors get out of their dojo for midday lunch. And they all spot me, dripping water, a fish on an arrow in one hand, a bottle in the other. And they all break into laughter.” And everyone else in the room broke into laughter. Toph. especially, was slapping her sides in laughter. It was at that point that I figured my story was concluded and wrapped up nicely, all one plotline was solved, so I reclined into a bundle of furs.

Suki added in something...extra. “Don’t worry, he didn’t die. Us Kyoshi Warriors took the opportunity to drag him into our dojo, first to chastise him for cutting classes, then to use his freezing body to demonstrate the effects of freezing.” The other two heard this and laughed some more. Toph, the most, had absolutely no composure. I decided to join in the laughter, and the four of us had a good time enjoying my stupid actions. What did this have to do with mountains? Nothing, really. But Kyoshi Island has lots of mountains and I had to trek through a valley to get to the hidden inlet. Storytelling isn't a lie if exactly one sentence is relevant to the title.

So Suki asked to go next, and because Toph prefers laughing at storytelling and also prefers enjoying the suffering of others, she let Suki go ahead. Now Suki is a walking history book in terms of Kyoshi Island. Clarification. Actual history? Maybe. Folk tales? All of them. She knows every last folk tale about Kyoshi Island. And she likes to rub that knowledge in my face. Which is fine. Someone intelligent probably said every folk tale contains a story. Except the erotic ones. Those don't need plot. So Suki sat down next to the fireplace and pretended to be Koko the Sixth with an elderly voice. _Oh this’ll be a fun one_.

“Avatar Kyoshi was the best” _Well you’ve already won my heart._ _Metaphorically. We're not from the Southern Water Tribe._ “Kyoshi Island is unlike any other island in the world. It was modified to be exactly what Kyoshi wanted. When the tyrant Chin came to turn Yokoya into one of his puppets, Kyoshi slapped him a bunch and tossed him into lava. She _pushed_ the Yokoyan peninsula into the South Sea. But that was only the beginning. For over the next hundred and fifty years, she worked on her sanctuary. 

She gave the island it’s distinct crescent shape and shaved some of the peaks down, so that only one would stand out above all. And that one she would name after her beloved Rangi.” _Suki, didn’t you read On Rangi and the Fire Nation. All those love letters? Cake recipes? Secret recipe for Clear Whiskey? We don’t share the recipe for such a perfect drink. Anyways_ . “Both the mountain and the woman were impossibly stubborn. They say no man could ascend such a tall peak and-” I raised my hand, since if she’s going to act like my teacher and or Katara, I’ll take inspiration from Toph. “Yes, Mori?” she responded, much like a teacher. “Was the ‘no _man_ could ascend’ comment a euphemism?” and Toph that earned a snort and shoulder punch from Toph. “Not intentionally” Suki responded, pretending to be Katara. 

“Avatar Kyoshi became a caretaker for the forests of the island. She made the peaks sharp to prevent the harsh winds from biting us Islanders. She politely asked the man eating Unagi to come and protect her island. Or something like that.” I raised my hand again. “Yes?” she asked like a teacher who's heard one too many questions for today. “Is ‘man-eating’ a euphemism?” I asked, feeling inspired by Toph being next to me. Also because she was cuddling a fur blanket and therefore preoccupied to ask these questions herself. And finally, she likes the rest of us making fools of ourselvs. “What for?” the not-a-teacher responded in a teacher voice. “Eating men, of course” and I laughed like a twelve year old. And Toph laughed like Toph finding something to be _so_ hilarious the rest of us must endure her booming voice of approval. 

As Suki tried retelling a story about Kyoshi Island and how it’s such a special place, Toph kept derailing her with questions based on mine. And when I say based on, I mean “is that a euphemism” every other sentence. Needless to say, Toph made Suki throw up her arms in defeat and go “well you ruined my story” then remember her place and _kowtow_ to Toph, to which Toph laughed and said “thanks for all the affection, now I get to tell my story!” and she punched the air in self-applause. All of this was about setting up Toph telling her own story, I guess. Because she was elated at Suki’s ‘agreement’ to stop telling us boring folk tales that sound like they were written by drunk Kyoshi Warriors. Suki went back to her seat and enjoyed sipping some kind of tea that Wuhan brewed for us.

“When _I_ was a little girl. I was blind. Like, really blind. So one day my dad wants me to wear a fancy court dress. I tell him he’s a dunderhead, and he gets angry and tells me I’m ‘supposed’ to wear it because he’s wearing a fancy court dress. So I say ‘oh, I guess you’ve got a nice girly dress then’ and he gets angry some more. He doesn’t do anything, but it’s still frustrating to argue with a man wearing a dress. While the two of them go off to attend something important, I sneak out. Don’t ask how, I just do. Because I’m that awesome. And I walk, and because I can’t see, I get lost. Eventually I find myself in a cave. Other girls might go ‘oh no I’m in a cave’ but I was like ‘ _oh yes, a cave_ ’ and got more lost in a cave. Then I heard rocks smashing and I get worried that maybe my dad’s sent his guards to come fetch me. Nope. A giant animal was making those holes. A badgermole. 

Now, badgermoles are blind. Not as blind as Kyoshi-,” “hey!” “but they’re pretty blind. I was told that badgermoles are scary creatures that eat bad children or something. But I’m not a bad child, I’m me! So I have nothing to worry about. I touch his snout and I’m surprised at how soft his snout is. Nothing like what I was told by my dad or mom. He’s got such a nice snout, and he likes my petting so much, he teaches me earthbending! Ain’t that _sweet_! By the time I left that cave, a few hours later, I wasn’t crawling on the ground. I could see with my feet! Never again would I be blind. And I told him I’d return a day later and pet him some more but _only_ if he taught me more earthbending. So he licks my face, which is badgermole for ‘I like you, Toph Beifong, I’ll teach you everything’ and I come back a day later. I come back every chance I get to go out and practice when I can't. He was a big fan of licking and overall quite adorable. He also liked being left alone so we had a lot in common to talk about.” she got up, gave a fake courtly bow, and fell backwards into a pile of furs.

  
The rest of us joined her in rest. For once, I was neither headrest nor footrest, I was forced to lie next to her instead.

Tomorrow, we have to find this ‘hidden path’ to Omashu.

_How fun_ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet some wandering nomad musicians! And Toph says 'awww' for the first time, unironically. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Did you like my 'barbarians'? If so, leave a comment! 
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (or, how to understand what I just wrote):  
> -Dahai and all those named regions are west of the crescent-shaped mountain range that itself is west of Omashu.  
> -The mountains west of Omashu have many names, both official and unofficial: Kolau, Omashu, Two Lovers'. I opted for Two Lovers' because locals have their local legends and I'm of the opinion that such a foreboding mountain range would earn such a kindhearted -to those that don't know the story- name.  
> -Mori punched that man because he was shouting at his attendants and also being a jerk to the Empress. Two strikes, get four punches.  
> -The Earth Sages actually worship the ground their Empress-goddess walks on. After seeing her turn a metal airship into a flying coffin I can see why.  
> -The Earth Sages are much more lenient on alcohol laws compared to the Fire Sages, but the Fire Sages have better brews on average.  
> -The only religion/spirituality that forbids alcohol is the primary spirituality of the Air Nomads. Secondary spiritualities were more...lenient.  
> -Two Lover's Dark has a euphemism written on each bottle for good luck.  
> -The daofei from the south will return in force in the future. We'll even get some battles with them. There's also local daofei to always worry about.  
> -I wish I had the right words or time to properly describe montane forests with steep valleys. I'd recommend googling the Rockies or your local tall mountain range for inspiration of what they were traveling through.
> 
> -Even when he's thinking of telling stories, Mori always puts himself second behind Toph. Mostly because he doesn't like repeating a stupid story he's already lived through.  
> -This is not the last time the 'barbarians' will be mentioned.  
> -The Northern Water Tribe and the Barbarians have a never ending conflict. Go barbarians! Down with those stupid isolationist Northerners!  
> -Everyone in the world of Avatar speaks English (or whatever their name for it is) but some opted to leave out certain words in their dialects.  
> -The Tribes of the North will return in the future.  
> -The Tribes of the North were inspired by the native Siberians, Mongols, Sami, and Iroquois Confederacy for their names and beliefs. I used creativity for their religion (worshiping a mighty hunter).  
> -'The one with the inlet' is vague enough to refer to nearly any of Mori's famous blunders. Most involved inlets in one way or another.  
> -We have no idea if those women deliberately wanted to pull a prank on Mori or not. He just...ends up... in these situations.  
> -The Kyoshi Warriors aren't stupid enough to go swimming in ice-water but Mori is. So they found someone to point at and go 'this is what happens to your skin when you freeze'.  
> -Suki is like a walking encyclopedia of Kyoshi-related tales and events. Because she went to class and Mori didn't.  
> This encyclopedia entry has been taken control of by Toph.  
> -When Toph was a little girl, she was blind.  
> -Toph is not a bad child, she is Toph. Those two are opposites.  
> -Toph is the most confident, highest self-esteemed, somewhat arrogant, person in all Three Nations and One Guy.  
> -Toph loves badgermoles  
> -Toph had the potential to learn earthbending -she was never a nonbender- but was never trained. That is, until she met a badgermole.  
> -Imagine Toph sitting back and being all giddy while retelling her story.  
> -As she was blind, Toph made up her own entire system of earthbending that fit her blindness. Because she's that awesome.  
> -Toph is the best.  
> -Long live the Empress  
> -Ten Thousand Years  
> This Encyclopedia is no longer under Toph's control.  
> -Badgermoles will return in future. They are quite cuddly and overall amazing.


	5. Secret Tunnel: On the Trail of Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Empress meets ancient hippies, Toph makes a new friend.

Chapter Seventy-One:

Suki got up before the rest of us. She woke Wuhan and I and I woke Toph. “Let’s get as far east as we can before sundown” was her logic, and makes sense. I took out the map and examined it. Generally, maps have paths, roadways, towns, lines to distinguish the steepness of a cliff, and so on. This map had no marking, not even a dot, as to where the ‘location’ of this hidden path was. Only that we follow a path which coincidentally happens to follow the southern line of mountains in this river valley, and upon reaching some kind of lake, the path is 'nearby.' So we grabbed our breakfast of jerky meat, downed it, and set off with provisions in two. Four people, three ostrich horses, one numb arm. Suki at the front, the two of us in the middle, Wuhan at the rear. 

There’s nothing in the world as pristine as traversing a mountain range. A forested mountain range, that is. Our pathway was beneath a canopy of evergreens. First the Sun was blocked by the tree trunks, then as it got higher, it shone through them. Birds sang and flew back and forth beneath the treetops. Occasionally, we’d catch a glimpse to our left of the river valley we were following. This was the Shwo River, and we were in one of many river valleys that had its start in the Two Lovers' Mountains. Our pathway took us part way up the mountains, not high enough to be on bare peaks, not low enough to be along the water. We hopped over waterfall fed streams which in turn fed the river itself. Wuhan aptly pointed out, as all those who grow up in the mountains know, “a river tends to be fed by a mountain lake”. So the requirement of finding this path, a hidden lake, became much easier. Of course, there could be hundreds of mountain lakes in a mountain range.  


Just after the Sun rose to the point where it was above us, Toph announced “I’m tired of sitting on this”, finally let go of my arm, and slid off and face planted the ground. Which she proceeded to roll around in dirt gleefully.  _ Well I guess this is lunchtime _ . “Halt! Let’s take lunch here!” I commanded. And we did just that. Suki collected some pine needles, Wuhan scouted around and I took to standing like a sentinel, looking down at Toph happily cheering as she covered herself in dirt. We grabbed some freshwater from a passing stream, boiled it, and took to eating the  _ oh so fulfilling _ combination of some fruit, some jerky, and some hot water. A note, the tavern keeper gave us a list of berries we could and couldn’t eat. Red, yes, blue, no. Some berries are poisonous, other are terrible but edible. Such is the nature of berries. As I was chomping down on a delicious handful of berries,  _ no it wasn’t that delicious _ , we heard...well the only way I can describe it a marching band consisting of a pipa, flute and djembe. 

So we did what any reasonable group of people would do, we drew our blades. Well, I didn’t, I drew my bow and an arrow. We couldn’t convince Toph to get out of the pathway -"they're musicians, not _daofei!"-_ so we jumped in front of her. The band rounded the corner of the pathway, I pulled the drawstring back. When the leader, a man with such matted unkept hair it made the Xishan Tribes look like Ba Sing Se queues, saw us, he raised his hands and dropped his pipa. His pipa hung on a strap that wrapped around his shoulders. He wore a necklace of flowers and was barely dressed.

“We mean you no harm, brothers and sisters,” he said, calmly.  _ Why are you calm? The greatest earthbender, her loyal pillow, some barbarian fellow and a Kyoshi Warrior line your path. Fear us! Fear us!  _ “Who are you, and what are you doing here?” Wuhan asked interrogatively. “We’re nomads, following the trail of Brother Chong” he replied, still calm. _I_ _ s Brother Chong a priest? Does he brew?  _ “What’s a-” Wuhan began but I cut him off “Are you related to the Air Nomads?” “I wish” a different, also airheaded, shorter man spoke from behind him. “We admire the Air Nomads, especially Aang”.  _ Oh no. Oh no. You're kidding.  _ “Are you Air Acolytes?” I asked, referring to a group of Avatar fangirls, the  _ other  _ fangirls, who we saw back in...Yu Dao I think it was...months ago. I'm pretty certain they're all in jail for being anti-Monarchist but I'm also far too lazy to check. “We’re just nomads.” a third person, a woman with similarly unkempt hair, spoke out. “We’re on our way to the Cave of Two Lovers”  _ Cave of Two Lovers? But there’s three of you. Who’s missing out? Is it the tall guy? I know the feeling, fellow tall person. Wait, no I don't.  _ I put my arrow away and tossed my bow over my back. I'd much rather kill them with a blade, anyhow.  


“We’re on our way to a hidden path to Omashu” Toph blurted out, stepping in between us taller folk. “Then you must be thinking of the Cave of Two Lovers, little miss” the tallest of the three -the Lord of Pipas- replied. _Little miss? Oh you’re going to get one between the teeth for that._ "You're going to get one between the-" but Suki nicely whacked me in the side before I could dish out some Imperial Justice. “What are your names?” the woman asked, as happy as the sun, or some stupid saying like that. “I’m the-” I started, then I realized _we’re better off not blowing our cover._ “She’s an underground wrestler" and I pointed at the ear-picker. _Names. Names. Names. What's in a name?_ "I’m Hayashi the...what am I?” and I turned to Suki. “He’s Hayashi, the bow wielder of...the South?” then she pointed at herself “I’m Koko, his friend-” “And I’m...Kozel” and Wuhan growled. _This is getting confusing_. _So I'm named after my play counterpart, she's named after our grandmother and Wuhan's named after his...dad?_ Why did we avoid blowing our cover? I’m sure Suki would agree, we don’t want everyone in the world to know the four most important members of the Earth Empire are wandering some forest near Omashu, alone. Well, not alone, there's four of us, but there's also only four of us and Suki and I can't toss rocks at people.  


“Would you four like to come along with us to the Cave?” the tall man asked. “No” from Suki and I, “I’m fine on my own” from Toph, quite fine, except she’s not on her own, and “What use can you provide to us?” from Wuhan, still clutching his dao. “Oh, we know how to get there.” the woman stated, _dainty_ , and the four of us turned to face inwards. A short discussion on using them as bait later, we agreed to it because “the  _ daofei  _ will go after them first” from Wuhan.   


The band of fools had their own ostrich horses and led the way. Without asking us if they could, they resumed their three-person band. 

_If you’re going to Neeew Taku, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. If you’re going to Neeew Taku, you’re gonna meet some gentle people_ \- 

“Will you three  _ please  _ stop?” Toph screamed, probably a moment away from earthbending them off a cliff. I'm surprised she used the word 'please'. She's the Empress. There is no such thing as 'please'. Also she's Toph. Since when has Toph ever said 'please'. “Sister, music is expressive not-,” but the air-headed Acoytle associated reject was cut off. “When we get to the cave, you can resume,” I spoke for Her Imperial Majesty. As much as I really, really, wanted to see three _disrespectful bums_ get tossed into the next commandery over, I also see the use in three walking sacks of meat and target practice leading the way for us. And when we get to the cave... _ Toph will expressively express you three into it's rock wall _ . _And we will cheer._  


These three individuals were, as we found out while riding, part of a much larger group of people. Nomads. The polite definition is “expressive pacifists” and the objective definition is “people about to eat an arrow.” The three were proud of never taking a blade to their skin, from head to heel. To them, the concept of grooming oneself in any regard was foreign or something like "only oppressive evil businessmen cut their hair." Last I checked, New Taku was run by a businessman, so if irony were cloudberries, they'd be eating cloudberry cake. As a result of their lack of hair-based rulings, they had long matted hair, a sharp contrast from Suki’s short hair, Toph’s bun and Wuhan and my differing-styled queues. His with larger knots to the braids, mine in traditional style. They also wore flowers in their hair, so at least they were obeying the rules set in place by their songs. 

They were following “The Path of Brother Chong”, which is  _ not  _ the name of a military campaign, nor is it the name of a pilgrimage. Or a tavern crawl. Someone named Chong, idolized for ‘having met the Avatar’, helped the trio of two Water Tribespeople and one Air Nomad through the Cave of Two Lovers. I wasn't paying attention, nor did I care to begin with, but I think the Avatar and his girlfriend became the Avatar and the Avatar's girlfriend at that point. And Sokka slapped himself in the face. Ever since, Nomads have dared to make the trip to follow Chong’s precedent. For having travelled from Xishan to Beihai, or so they claim, they don’t seem to be worldly. They travel in small groups, and supposedly only convene at big cities or at ‘spiritual sites’. Now, the entire Empire has spiritual sites, so is this an excuse for fifty of them to gather next to a large earth coin? I don’t know. They asked us what kind of ‘people’ we are, we responded ‘loyal citizens of the Earth Empire’ and they took to a gait that let them ride a few feet further ahead of us. I thought I heard music, faintly, in the distance, but wrote it off as Toph causing my chest to hurt to the point of delusions.  _ I was wrong _ .

As the Sun stood tall above us, the tall man -as opposed to the shorter man or the woman- called out “we’re here!” and the trio applauded. They stirred their animals onwards and gave us the chance to use the overlook. Off to the east, the river had a source; an average-sized mountain lake. Some kind of large stone sign was carved into the mountain above a cave entrance east of the lake. And on the beaches of the lake? Dots. Thousands of dots. In surprise, I exclaimed “Don’t tell me those are-” but Wuhan finished my sentence with “People."  _ Not more of these people _ . We decided to ride down the pathway and swore to “stay as far from them as you can”. To rub salt on our wounds, someone down there began singing, and the trees joined in. Or maybe there were people _in_ the trees. The trees started singing.   


_ Come on people now! Smile on your brother! Everybody get together/Try to love one another. Right now! _

When we got to the bottom of this, in the literal sense, the crowd -or the conscious ones- converged on the four of us. “Brothers and sisters, welcome!” some important woman, wearing just flowers and a rag, called out to us. “Welcome to the Spring of Two Lovers!” the mob around us chanted, well, to us. _Well this isn't creepy and cult-like at all._ The crowd was just...more of these...nomads. People dressed in flowers and rags. Or not wearing rags because what's modesty? Never heard of it. Only the Empress can choose to forget her clothes at the door. And even then, 'you know, walking around with nothing is great, but walking around in the clothes of a wrestler is _better_ '. In addition, these nomads were carrying musical instruments. Lots and lots of pipas and drums and flutes and some liuqins. Some were playing them. Some didn't have any instruments and were pretending to. Singing. Gathered around fireplaces. Sleeping along the beach. Swimming in the water...which caused the three of us with eyes to cheer that we didn’t retrieve river water, instead stream water. I for one don't want to drink whatever diseases these people are carrying.  


When we dismounted on the periphery of this...group, someone probably important, her hair completely done up in flowers, asked how we were feeling and what we wanted to do. “Well I’d like to get to Omashu” from Toph, “I’d like to go hunting” from me, “I’d like to serve the Earth Empire until my final day” from Wuhan, "I'm with him" from me, adding to Wuhan, and “I’d like to practice my kendojutsu” from Suki. This woman  _ politely  _ asked us to relinquish our weapons. “Here at the Spring of Two Lovers, we practice nonviolence” the woman said, oh so innocently. “Well I’ll practice some nonviolence, here” and Wuhan pushed the woman backwards. The nearby people faced us and looked like a bunch of children that just saw the last of the treats consumed by a passerby. Credit where it’s due, these people were quite adamant on loving one another. I’d almost call it cute, or adorable, except having random women walk up to the Earth Empress and ask to braid her hair is neither cute or adorable, it’s...peculiar. That’s the right word for this.

A man on top of... _ the cliff above the sign _ called out that a new song was about to be sung. A few punches and leg sweeps from Wuhan and Suki gave the four of us our own space to relax. The lake was crowned by one low cliff, the one the female singer was on, and the mountains to either side. We were next to the treeline, some hundred feet from the lakefront. The cave entrance was a few hundred feet from the lakefront. While wandering to scope out the area, I had to dodge the invitations of groups of people to some...well the best way I can describe it lovemaking. Collective lovemaking. I don’t know if this is one of those Air Nomad customs passed down,  _ probably is _ . The last of those very...eager...women took a fist to the face which earned Toph's clapping applause of "well done, Kyoshi!" I thought she was sarcastic -because these people are defenseless but _quite_ offensive, and are pacifists- but no, she was telling the truth. Staving off people while she picks her toes earns genuine applause. "Next time, I'll just earthbend them into the next province" she remarked. The four of us ate up with haste while Suki set out to get us some provisions. Apparently, the Nomads share  _ everything _ , even clothes. 

While we ate, we heard rumors of this Cave of Two Lovers we were residing in front of. Stuff about curses or crushes or something related to “love or death” though I  _ might  _ be oversimplifying it. The Cave was apparently some long labyrinth nearly impossible to escape, except Chong did it somehow. I don’t know because I was preoccupied with eating some jerky. 

A group of nomads wandered over to us and tried striking up a conversation. Curious of a hunch, I guess, Suki asked “so, did any of you serve in the Imperial Army?” and the group made Katara’s mood swings look like a plank of wood. “No!” they shouted. “Are you citizens of the Earth Empire?” I continued her monorail of thought. “We are” they responded. “Join the army, you bums” Wuhan finished off. “Why, did you four serve?” one of them asked. “What do you think, we stole these outfits?” I responded, because Wuhan and I are dressed in Imperial Armor and Suki’s a Kyoshi Warrior dressed _as_ a Kyoshi Warrior. And like the tides, they swapped from being nice to being annoyed at us. “How could you possibly serve? The Earth Queen is a tyrant!” one of them said.  _ A wise man would say ‘son, now you’re in for it’ _ . I remember looking at Toph as she, nicely, slowly, removed her hands from her feet. I saw that grin. I knew what was coming. Before it could, a woman atop the cliff began singing, and the whole crowd joined in. I turned to look up at her.   


“So just sing, sing a song for peace!” but she was interrupted by an arrow to the neck. She looked down at the mass before falling over herself and tumbling off the cliff, crashing down in the middle of the crowd. The mob began screaming, shouting, and other such exclamations, while the three of us surrounded Toph. Suki pointed up at the mountains across from us. Figures popped out of cover.  _ Daofei _ . A flurry of arrows fell from the heights into the crowd. In front of us, that is, closer to the opposite mountain, I watched arrows strike people like silent blows. Arrows to heads, chests, more heads, more chests, a whole volley for the collective lovemakers collectively lovemaking. The pacifists were fleeing in all directions. Toph groaned, “can we break our cover now?” she asked,  _ bored _ . “Sure, why not” I responded. So she cracked her knuckles and smiled.   


So she kicked herself up a stone pillar and before we knew it was standing in the middle of the crowd, many feet above them. “Turn and fight, your Empress commands you!” she tried shouting. The crowd didn’t pay her attention. They kept running in all directions. So she jumped down and grabbed one. “Turn, and, fight!” and she shoved him in the direction of the archers. “But-” but he was interrupted by an arrow to the head. Which made him quite confused before he fell over in a pool of his own confusion. Ahead of us, sounds of closer fighting. Toph confirmed that there were  _ daofei  _ ahead of us. “With me!” she shouted back to us.  _ Now this. This is what I signed up for _ . “For the Earth Empire!” I shouted.  


"Ten Thousand Years!" from the three of us at the same time.

The  _ daofei  _ cut through the nomads like a knife through cake. It’s one thing to put up a fight and die, it’s another to run in all directions. Any attempts at motivating them failed. A couple smart ones were...inventive. As I ran into the fight, I watched one man turn his pipa into a club and bash a  _ daofei  _ with it. I watched another man toss some woman at the  _ daofei,  _ and I watched a man fail miserably to punch a  _ daofei  _ before getting his head caved in with a hammer. That last man had a nice beard. If only he was wearing actual existing clothes, I might've struck up a conversation.  


Toph smirked, got into stance, and summoned two earth plates. They pressed nomads out of our way allowing her to summon one earth pillar with each finger and send them flying at the cliffside. I spotted at least one man get his entire body smashed by one of these.  _ Daofei  _ tend to wear either no armor at all, like rags, or iron armor. One man ran at Toph wearing an iron carapace. She grabbed his naginata with metalbending, turning the tip to liquid. He looked surprised while she laughed. She followed this up with tackling him and elbowing his chestplate. She turned the armor into a weapon of its own, impaling the  _ poor  _ criminal. Except he wasn't a 'poor' criminal. Every extra elbow strike was just for fun as she pressed that chestplate into his own chest.  


A group of nomads fleeing towards us separated Toph and Wuhan from Suki and I. So we made do with what we could. "Archers! Nock!" I shouted, as if I was back in the war, commanding archer battalions again. I nocked an arrow. "Draw" I shouted while drawing my bow back. "Aim!" and I picked my target. "Loose!"  _ Twing _ . Pinned a  _ daofei  _ in the chest. _There's nobody here_. _Fine. One man versus the daofei_. _Nock, draw,_ _aim_.  _ Twing _ . Headshot to some _daofei's_ face. I was going to nock a third arrow but a  _ daofei  _ from the side interrupted my move. Thankfully for me, Suki came in and sliced his arm off. He screamed and Suki was like “I’ve got to hand it to you” before removing his hand, then with an elegant swing, _slice_ , his head. I tossed my bow over my back. _What time is it? Slicing time! It's slicing time!_  


I drew my jian and parried an axe strike. I shoved the axe backwards before plunging the jian tip into the armorless man. As he fell, I grabbed his axe  _ because you never know when you can use an axe _ . I found a good use for it a moment later when a spearman tried stabbing me, so I caught his tip with my axe, flung his spear out of his hands and took a step forward with a jian stab. My Piandao-forged blade can pierce your mere leather. An arrow came whizzing down from the heights and almost impaled my foot. I parried another spearman's awful attempts to stab before _slice_ , no more throat. Next to me, Suki was slicing  _ through  _ wooden shafts and  _ through  _ people. Her blade could cut a man in half. And it did. She opted to let her opponents make the first strike, before parrying them with a katana and cutting them down. Multiple times, she allowed an opponent to charge her before sweeping his leg out, sending him to the floor. That gave me the opportunity to poke him with my jian. 

Above the entrance to the cave, a squad of archers took up positions to launch arrows into the stampeding crowd. I looked up and watched the cliff itself shake. Something was shaking the cliff. Not some _ thing _ , some _ one _ . Toph. The group were sent flying off and into the lake. I got tackled from the side by  _ someone  _ and looked up to see...Wuhan? _Really? Why?_

“We’re _advancing forward_ into the cave!”  _ What, why?  _ But I didn’t have time to respond. I grabbed my blade and ran after Wuhan and Toph who had...vanished somewhere. She wasn’t with him, so  _ where was she? _ Suki and I cut down another  _ daofei  _ each, with her proudly stating “I’m at thirteen!” and me disappointedly saying “only nine”. We ascended the low embankment separating the entrance from the lakeside. As we ran into the cave, the last of the nomads who were fleeing and still in the plains were struck down by arrows. Then an earth wall rose and the light vanished. 

“I can’t see!” I said, involuntarily. “Oh no,  _ what a nightmare _ !” came the distinct voice of the Blind Bandit. "Well glad to know you're safe!" I stated to the darkness. "Why wouldn't I be?" the voice shouted back, possibly offended. “Anyone have candles?” I asked the darkness. “I got them,” Wuhan’s voice said from my side. I heard the sounds of sparking, then watched a flame give us sighted people some light again. “I don’t know how long these last, but let’s go forward,” he said, confidently. I think he liberated them from the nomads.   


And forward we went. We walked for what felt like...half a day. Every footstep echoed with the sound of a hundred. Toph claimed she heard “things” scurrying about above us. I was the one carrying the bag with the journal, map and provisions, that way Suki can maintain her agility and Wuhan the freedom to metalbend his armor. We walked, and walked, did I mention the walking? 

Toph mentioned some kind of large “structure” in front of us, and sure enough, we reached a massive cave. Except it wasn’t a cave. It was a  _ tomb _ . The Tomb of the Two Lovers, in fact. A large statue of two individuals kissing framed one of the walls. A dozen imposing...'guard' statues spoke of death to those who venture here. They weren't that intimidating. A candle for the three of us while we separated to examine the massive...temple. Suki read out an inscription, “love is brightest in the dark”.  _ Oh good, poetry _ . Wuhan knelt upon discovering writings of the entire story of the two individuals buried here, Oma and Shu. The story of Oma and Shu is well known to all across the realm. Man loves woman, woman loves man, the two meet up to do some 'loving', man gets killed during service to his village, woman unleashes awesome earthbending powers. Woman has bastard children, one of those possibly turns out to be an immortal assassin. Or that's what he claims.   


The four of us puzzled over the meaning of the poetry. In addition, we were warned that there was no exit and we were all going to die. Or, we would, except Toph said “no exit? Maybe for you nonbenders” and stormed off. A loud smash and "I gave us a wall". More inscriptions lined the passageways, about trusting in love and other such sayings. “You hear that, Mori, we’re supposed to  _ trust in love _ !” Suki said, laughing. Trusting in love sounds exactly like the words of wisdom the Avatar would have come up with. Completely nonsensical, right?

We kept walking, for what felt like  _ days  _ of time, without any rest. Toph was persistent on wanting to get out of here and the three of us were persistent on being as persistent as she is. Every so often, we’d pass scribblings on the wall. Previous vagrants who had marked down such intelligent instructions as “that way forward” and “don’t make the next left”. Also, lots of repetition about "the crystals on the ceiling can light up, sometimes." Instead of following their stupidity, we followed Toph and her seismic sense. When we’d come up on a cave-in, she’d smash it open and we’d continue. We stuck close together so Suki, Wuhan and I could actually see where we were going.

I may have thought the “trust in love” was nonsensical until we ran out of candles. Whatever stuff these nomads carried is awful. How they planned on getting out of the Cave is beyond me. When Suki’s -it was her turn to hold the candle for the next five thousand steps- candle dwindled before turning to smoke, casting us into pitch black darkness, we paused to ponder what to do next. 

We had a couple,  _ really, really _ , stupid options. We could go to sleep there, in the middle of a cave with something rattling above our heads, which would be impossible. We could keep walking in the dark, but  _ how.  _ Or rather, where to? Toph proposed we hold hands and become a chain, which, though it may work for her, it’s quite slow. We could go  _ backwards _ , but there was no telling where we were. Toph’s feet claimed we were  _ somewhere _ and that the exit was “over there”, which is quite helpful in darkness. _Now I understand your blind jokes. I understand them. Forgive me._ Then there’s the really stupid idea of “trusting in love”.

So we sat down, I fumbled through my bag and almost ate our map, and had lunch, or dinner, or something. Meanwhile, Suki and Wuhan took to trying to think our way out of this. How could we trust in love? "What does that even mean?" I asked, since it sounded so stupid. “Why are these dumb prophecy things always so vague” Toph said while kicking a rock into a wall. Or, I heard her do that. She's right, of course. Prophecy things are always vague and convenient enough to be misinterpreted by everyone. "Prophecies are dumb! Give us a war plan! Those make sense!" I shouted at the ceiling or maybe the wall. "Until your tanks vanish and you're attacking an army of people wearing bedsheets with militia" Suki quip-countered and giggled to her own joke. _Right, right, of course. Half our war plans end up like that. Wait, half? No, no, all._ We agreed that “if Twinkletoes and Lady Fuzzy Britches could get through this, so could the four of us.” Suki recalled the pair of statues kissing, and probably made the accurate claim that “the crystals are probably triggered by touch” since kissing is akin to touching and as Suki put it, "a kiss is the most enlightening thing". _And how were Wuhan, Toph or I supposed to know that?_ As such, an enlightening kiss would enlighten the tunnels. Because anything else would go against logic. I say “probably made the accurate claim” because we never tested it. 

Then there's also "trusting in love as a love-based system, but then what constitutes as love?" I asked the rest of the darkness. "Loyalty to the Empire?" from Wuhan, "my love of breaking things into smaller things with _my fists_?" from Toph, and "being in love with someone" from Suki. "I'm with Wuhan" I declared like I had any say in this. "So does that mean we're all traitors?" Wuhan directed the question at me but since Toph was around she got to hear it, too. "Nah, you're all loyal" she cut the talking point down. _So it's not that?_ "What about being in love!" Suki, again, piped in, exclaiming. "Didn't we agree that's stupid?" Wuhan countered. "Assuming you're right, how much 'love' do the two lovers have to be doing?" I tried to take her idea and run with it. "What kind of magical boundary did the cave designers infuse?" I asked, since this was mighty nonsensical. _Wait...maybe that's why all the nomads were...no that's actually disgusting. Oma and Shu, you two are weird and really deserved death._ Before my mind could draw such oogie-filled conclusions about the sick, sick, minds behind these tunnels...  


Toph jumped off her behind and shouted “something’s coming!” Once again, we drew our blades and weapons and pointed at nothing. Whatever was coming wouldn’t kill us, we’d fall over each other first.

If you asked the exhausted, without water, without sense, with delusions, me what was coming, which Suki did, I would shout “our enemies! We shall stab them!” and walked straight into a wall. While I got off my back from my genius strategy of charging, Toph yelled, so high pitched, so loud, that my ears  _ actually  _ rang, “it’s not our enemies, it’s our friends!” and between that and her echoey footsteps, I felt completely mad. Somewhere, somewhere in the distance, a wall fell over and Toph jumped around shouting something completely incoherent.  _ Okay the cave madness has gotten to me. Don’t walk forwards, you’ll _ but I walked forwards and into a different wall. 

“Badgermoles!” she screamed with such girlishness that I assumed I had died and was riding the Jade Chariot with Earth King Huang as the charioteer. I was to ride it westwards until we reached the setting sun, at which point I would ascend with the other now-passed monarchs and their families into the Eternal Court. I was to drink tea with the Earth Avatars. But wait,  _ if I’m a descendant of Kyoshi, do I go to her realm or to the realm of the Earth Kings and their families.  _ Eitherway, I thought that my staring up at nothingness meant I was about to begin, as they say in the Fire Nation, “to go on high, riding the dragon”, for in the Fire Nation, a fallen Fire Lord rides a dragon up to the Palace of Agni, whereupon he...wait where was I? Right. I’m dead. Waiting for the Jade Chariot. “Oh Your Late Majesty, Your humble servant awaits service at the Eternal Court!”  _ Ow. Who grabbed my collar _ . 

“Get up, we’ve got visitors” Suki said, excited.  _ Thanks Sukes.  _ “Visitors? Who?” I asked the darkness, and some kind of grumble was my answer.  _ No stomach, I know you need food, if I go one more sitting with just these red berries I’m going to-  _ but my inner thoughts were cut off by Toph’s continued girlish cries. “They’re friends, not my enemies!” she yelled to  _ the grumbling _ . “Sing! Sing something!” Toph yelled at us.  _ But, I can’t sing.  _ Well Toph’s other companions  _ can _ , sort of. Wuhan spontaneously made his voice quite deep and began chanting some strange prayer or song about the hunt and ravens and other things, Suki chose a lullaby, and I...well I whistled. Because whistling is singing, right? None of those counted. Whatever was causing that grumbling sent me flying into a wall.  _ Ow _ . I heard Toph scream at... _ us? Really? Us?  _ And she settled on “forgive them, they’re terrible singers.” To one-up us all, as she does with  _ everything else _ , she began singing.

_ Oh where, Oh where has my, Badger-mole gone, Oh where, oh where, Can he beeeee?  _

And the grumbling ceased and I heard something lick someone and Toph say the word “aww” for the first time, ever. Unsarcastically, unironically, as genuine as my lack of an eye. She was squealing in happiness and delight. And  _ then  _ I fainted. As anyone reasonable would. 

So I woke up and noticed I was...outside. Really. Not inside. Outside. The Sun was gone, behind the mountains. But I was outside. I picked up my hands and realized I was lying on top of  _ something _ . As any reasonable person would, I rolled off whatever that  _ thing  _ was and came face-to-snout with  _ a badgermole _ . A badgermole. “You’re a badgermole” I asked the badgermole. I was hoping he, or she, would go “indeed, son, I am a badgermole” but instead it rubbed it’s snout on my cheeks. A black snout.  _ Are you sure you’re not talking to Huang’s badgermole Adema?  _ I was reaffirmed of my existence in reality by the snout pressing itself into my cheek, again.

“Well...he likes you” came the voice of the Earth Empress, in delight, from somewhere. “How do you know, you can’t see?” I stated something I should’ve kept inside my head. Why? The giant mythical beast punched me with his snout. “Forgive Kyoshi, he only has  _ one  _ eye, unlike us. He’s part way there.”  _ Part way there? I’d rather not lose my other one.  _ Speaking of eyes, I tried to fasten my eyepatch and discovered it was gone. “Where’s my eyepatch?” I asked the sky. “I’ve got it” definitely not the sky, because the voice was Suki’s, told me. And she helped me up and handed me my eyepatch. “Why?” I asked a question that probably didn’t need to be asked. “I wanted to make sure he knew you only had one eye” came the Blind Bandit’s response.  _ What? How? Who? Am I dead? Is this reality? What's going on anymore? How is it that I've lived through Sozin's Comet and yet this is more reality-defying.  
_

I regained my standing, backed up, and looked at the sight worth ten thousand sights. A badgermole. I’ve never seen one before, but for some reason my first non-dead thought was  _ the Imperial Palace architects were quite accurate _ . Just like the badgermole that sits behind the eponymous Badgermole Throne, this mythical beast had two small brownish gold eyes and white patches of skin beneath them. A long white stripe ran down the middle with a thinner dark green stripe on either side. The three stripes were joined by an even darker green stripe on top of either eye. The five came to a point, along with the other two beneath-eye white stripes, at the black snout. The rest of the badgermole's body was as brown as dirt, save patterned skin above those _those are the size of jians_ talons. The badgermole also had back legs that were much smaller. And a big tail. A ship-mast length tail. I promise I'm only exaggerating a little bit. But where was I?  


As for the Earth Empress? Well Her Imperial Majesty was majestically satisfied, sitting atop the badgermole’s head. Not only was she satisfied, she was grinning like a little girl. “So, Kyoshi, you like ‘im?”  _ I think I’m going to faint, again _ . I refused to. This sight was too insane. Too mad. It was so bonkers it would fit in a Pu-On Tim play. _But no, this is real, this is happening. You're talking to a badgermole and an Empress, riding a badgermole._ Perfect for cactus juice. To either side, Suki and Wuhan were  _ kowtowing  _ to the creature. Recognizing the essential act of kowtowing, or something like that, I joined them in kowtow to the mythical beast. “So is this a member of the Earth Empire now?”  _ Why do you ask such stupid questions, self? _ “Member? You better believe it!” she shouted.  _ Okay I believe! I believe! Just don’t claw toss me into the next province. I'll do anything!  
_

Probably fearing being turned into paste, the three of us maintained our kowtow while Toph pranced about on top of the  _ newest member of Her Imperial Majesty’s bodyguards _ . She called for us to rise, we did, and turns out the other two non-fainted members of our group were carrying the possessions I was supposed to carry. Did I mention that I felt numb? Faint one moment, wake up with the Earth Empress traipsing about, plowing holes in a wall, cheering, while riding a  _ mythical beast _ . I’d argue that’s enough to even make General Song scratch his beard in 'now that's something I haven't seen before'.  


We set out because if Toph wasn’t tired, neither were any of us. “Isn’t the badgermole tired?” I asked, looking  _ up  _ at the Earth Empress for a change. “Naw, he has the same endurance I do. I did tell you I learned from the badgermoles!” she said, then grinned.  _ Same endurance? Oh, we're going to be in for a long ride _ . She asked the badgermole,  _ speaking  _ to it, “can my servants ride with me?”  _ Servants? So I have gone mad _ . The badgermole grumbled and stuck one of it’s  _ gigantic  _ taloned claws out and Toph gestured for us to  _ climb it _ . 

Once the three of us were on, Toph  _ nicely asked  _ the badgermole “can you help me get to Omashu?” and the badgermole grumbled again. “Aww, yes I love you too” and she patted the badgermole on the head. Now, I don’t speak badgermole, but I guess she does. And she said “alright, everyone, hold on!” as the badgermole smashed the ground.  _ Hold on? Are we about to _ ...fall. We’re about to fall. _We're all about to die_.

Correction, slide. This badgermole made a slide, and went down the slide. With us on him. Suki was cheering, Wuhan was wide-eyed and I was screaming my lungs out. It’s one thing when Toph sends me flying down a slide, still crazy but at least I know she’s not going to kill me. “Your...Majesty...this...badgermole...is...trying...to...kill...us!” I shouted between bursts of ‘ahh I don’t want to die’. So the badgermole stopped.  _ Wait, the badgermole stopped _ . It tipped itself ever so slightly, sending me off. And it grumbled. Now Toph was in her bossy tone. “Kyoshi! Apologize to the badgermole! You hurt his feelings!”  _ Oh...kay.  _ “Sir Badgermole, please accept my apologies” and I kowtowed. “No, Kyoshi! Apologize  _ properly! _ ”  _ Properly? _ “Courtly? Formally? What-” I asked, surprised. “Apologize like you’d apologize to a king”  _ But I'm an Emperor, and a King is one level below Emperor...wait no you're Toph what would you know about those things...fine. Fine.  _ “Your Majesty, I beg mercy of you” I sobbed. And the badgermole grumbled and leaned forward with its snout. And pressed it into my cheek. And licked my  _ recently cleaned Imperial Armor _ . And licked my face. "Aww! He likes you!" came the voice from on-high. “You’re forgiven! Get back on!” she commanded from atop her glorious, intimidating, ride.

I obeyed her directions and mounted the badgermole again. I need to mention that this whole apology took place in the dark. Once the  _ badgermole  _ was satisfied with my apologies, we continued sliding. Toph was all “woohoo!” and the rest of us were a mixture of “are we dead?” with confirmation from Toph that we weren’t dead. We were just riding a badgermole. Down a slide. A long slide. 

The slide ended and we came out on some kind of cliff, somewhere. “Last stop, all passengers off!” Toph announced from her spot.  _ Passengers? But...  _ I followed her wishes and got off. As did the rest of us. She hopped off and petted the badgermole’s snout, earning many licks. The rest of us decided to set up camp for the night. Wuhan built tents, Suki fetched supplies, I set it all up. And Toph? She was acting her age, for a change. She and the badgermole were kicking boulders at each other.  _ That’s completely normal. Nothing to fear. Nothing. At. All _ .

And I allowed myself to become fixated on setting a fire because otherwise I’d take to watching the two earthbenders and if I did that I’d probably faint. “Dinner’s ready, Your Majesty!” I called out from inside our small stone wall surrounding a fireplace and three earth tents. “Give me a moment!” she responded while straining to...do something. So the rest of us ran outside the stone wall and watched her  _ wrestling  _ the badgermole. Correction, it looked like wrestling. She was pressing on a stone wall, he was pressing on a stone wall. Eventually he won and she got sent flying off a cliff.  _ Well that’s completely fine _ . _Certainly._ I spun around and walked back inside.

One earthquake later, she popped up in the middle of the encampment and joined us for dinner. “Any names?” she asked around.  _ Now we’re naming it?  _ “I’ve never owned a pet” from Suki, “Probably something related to earth” was mine, and “we do not name such creatures. They are our brothers” from Wuhan.  _ Right, you hunt things _ . “It’s not a pet, it’s my  _ friend _ !” she insisted.  _ Of course it is. You’re the Earth Empress. If you want it as your friend, we will go on a campaign to retrieve it. Speaking of _ … “Why didn’t you ask me to...obtain a badgermole for you, Your Majesty? I could’ve taken an expeditionary force from the Southern Army and-”, “Because it’s not a pet! It’s a friend! Do you go on campaigns to grab your friends-” but she stopped her own statement because the badgermole was grumbling. “Yes? I’ll be right there!” and she ran off. “No” I involuntarily said, forgetting she’s the wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits. Now, this badgermole must also worship said Mandate because he turned the palisade wall into dust and marched through.  _ Grumble _ . “Forgive me, Your Majesty Lord Badgermole” and he grumbled. “Sure, go out and have fun” Suki said, laughing. 

What’s in a name? The Fire Nation loves repetition. Sozin came from his ancestor. Ozai from part of Sozin’s name with some additions. Azula from Azulon. Zuko from Lord Zuko, one of the first dragonriders. The Earth Kingdom loves itself. As we should. Nature, geography, towns, the element of earth. Generally, every generation has a large number of children named the same couple martial terms. It is forbidden to reuse a King's name, according to some kind of ancient tradition. So ancient that the society doesn’t even realize it’s a tradition. I’m named after a tree, which is  _ so very intimidating _ . Correction, a forest. In place of names, like Lee, the nobility have titles. The Earth Queen, well, Empress, is the highest of all. Everyone’s got a birth name, a surname, and occasionally a style name. That style name can be given to others or obtained through achievements. I’m “the One Eyed Badgermole”, and that will forever precede my tree-name of Mori.   


This badgermole bonded with us all in his own different ways. And by different, I mean he licked each of us, earning our positions as his “friends.” Toph would ask him a question, he’ll give us a grumble, and she’ll tell us what he was saying. Sometimes it’s “give me  _ meat _ ” because no surprise, the Earth Empress and the badgermole both love steak, albeit one prefers it cooked and one prefers it raw. Sometimes it’s “move aside, I’m clearing this path”, sometimes it’s “I like how you feel, stand closer so I can sniff you some more”, sometimes it’s “stand still, I need to get a feel of you” and so on. Just as I once had to stand still and allow Her Imperial Majesty to ‘read’ me with her hands, through seismic sense, _note, I still do_ , I had to stay still to allow this massive beast -sorry, companion- to feel me with his snout and the edges of his talons. His moonlight-reflecting talons.  _ Why good evening moon, how are you doing up there? Enjoying the view? _

So the three of us tried to sleep. Emphasis on that we tried to. Every other moment, Toph was jumping off her loyal footrest and running over to talk to her badgermole. “Yes you’re so soft. Don’t tell anyone, but I love how your soft fur” she’d whisper, all girlishly.  _ What in the name of Kyoshi _ ? Then she’d come back, plant her feet in my chest and sleep again. Then when the badgermole would grumble, she’d get up and resume petting it. “Why don’t you bring the badgermole here?” I mumbled in my sleep.  _ Bad idea _ . “Great idea!” and she stomped the ground. 

The badgermole marched to the source of her stomp and almost crushed me with his talons. “I like you too” I mumbled, kissing the talon because in the deluded state I was in, I was assuming I was being commanded to kiss Her Imperial Majesty’s feet again. Instead the badgermole sat down next to me and  _ licked  _ me up. “Yes, Your Majesty?” I asked the badgermole, confusing him for her.  _ Liiiiick _ . “Well that’s not coming out”  _ No, it isn’t _ and I fell backwards and fell asleep again. 

So I woke up to Toph gleefully squealing about  _ something _ . “Yes, he’s a great footrest”  _ Is this about me?  _ And she planted a foot in my chest.  _ Ow. The badgermole grumbled and licked me again.  _ “But you can’t use him as a footrest, he’s too weak for you”  _ No. Wait. No. No. _ And I jumped up. “I’m not going to be his footrest, he’ll kill me!” I cried. “I know, you’re too weak for him” she countered, completely normal in tone.  _ You don’t say _ . Loyal as ever, I resumed my position and allowed her to continue her conversation with the badgermole while I was her footrest.

The next morning, we woke up and I forgot, for a moment, that the badgermole was on  _ our  _ side. Toph didn’t forget. As I was leaving to gather our stuff, “remember to thank  _ tough _ ” she said, grabbing me with a rock glove. “Tough? I know you’re tough” I countered, assuming she was referring to herself. Which she normally does. “Naw, that’s his name” she corrected me. “That’s his name? You named him after yourself?” I pulled a Sokka and probably sounded like him, too. “Of course I would! I’m Toph and he’s Tough!” 

“Lord Tough, Your Majesty’s humble servant thanks you” and I kowtowed.  _ Tough _ licked my hair. “He likes you” she said, all happy. Then she jumped onto him and patted his head. The rest of us grabbed our provisions and asked “so where’s Omashu?” Tough grumbled. “He says it’s over there!” and she pointed at a wall of clouds. The sun, red, was rising amidst them.  _ But he’s a badgermole.  _

Who’s crazier? The badgermole or the man who dares challenge him? Dragons can smell the blood of an Avatar, or of royalty. So why not badgermoles? There are folktales of the intelligence of badgermoles. Whereas I am but a normal person, a badgermole sees it all. Or something like that. I don’t know, I hate folktales. It makes sense that a badgermole would sense such a strong earthbender. And Toph’s constant headpats, and Tough’s constant licks, only reaffirm that the love is mutual. And of course, I get my fair share of licks, too. And so does Suki. And Wuhan gets the least of us all, but I don't think he minds.  


“We’re going to need a better name than Tough. It’s going to be hard to distinguish the two,” I proposed to Suki. But Toph heard me. And she had this to say. “What if I name him Lord Tough, Wielder of the Mandate of the Adorableness?”  _ Mandate of. Right.  _ “Suki, is there any whiskey left?” I asked. “No, Your Majesty”. And the four of us set off towards the wall of clouds. We descended from the cliff and came upon a massive causeway with no railings. _So that's what this badgermole meant_.  


“...Or what about  _ Sweet _ , the Mountai ntosser, or-” but Toph’s never ending monologue was stopped. “Halt!” a guard called out. “State your business!” the other shouted. “We’re here to visit His Majesty, King Bumi!” I spoke for the group. The two guards looked at eachother, then at Tough and us. “Sure, go right ahead” and they opened the large earth door. King Bumi has a “anyone welcome” policy. As long as you state a reason, you’re welcome to visit. With that in mind, the five of us entered the Free City of Omashu.

That badgermole's going to need a new name. And Bumi? Meet the greatest earthbender of all time.

_Wait._

_They're going to duel to the death, aren't they._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the badgermole gets a more appropriate name and Bumi v Toph. 
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (or, understanding the pop culture and historical in and out of universe references):  
> -The Kolau/Two Lover's/Omashuan Mountains are snowcapped year round. The mountains are far enough south that only evergreens can grow on their slopes.  
> -The Shwo River feeds into the commandery our band visited last chapter.  
> -The concept of a hidden mountain lake and river valley leading to it is based on my real travels to mountain ranges in the US. Specifically, New York State.  
> -Funnily enough, Woodstock, for which this 'gathering of nomads' is based on, happened in the Catskills, the smaller of New York State's two mountain ranges.   
> -The Air Acolytes will eventually make an appearance.  
> -"If you're going to Neeew Taku" is based on "San Francisco" by Scott McKenzie, a famous song from the late '60s. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZcyRLtwUVY )  
> -If you're actually a hippie, one, congratulations for having an internet connection, and two, feel free to enjoy this as a satire of how evil war is.  
> -For everyone else, if you hold a music concert in the middle of a bandit-filled mountain range, what do you think's going to happen?
> 
> -Any pre-S2E6 events are still as they were in the original universe. Of course, Mori is writing an account of someone who wasn't there retelling the accounts of three nomads.  
> -"Come on people now! Smile on your brother! Everybody get together/Try to love one another. Right now!" is taken directly from The Youngblood's Get Together ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xGxQXmu7Os ).   
> -All instruments mentioned are canon instruments.  
> -"Sing, sing a song for peace" followed by taking an arrow to the neck is what's known as irony.   
> -Cry "Ten Thousand Years!" and charge your foes.  
> -Mori's fighting style is a mix of what he learned in the Colonies, aggressive, unrelenting assaults, and what he learned in Ba Sing Se. And the core of it is the Kyoshi Warrior's 'using your opponents against you'. Suki's fighting style is characterized by this.   
> -'Advancing forward' makes a return here.   
> -'Trusting in love' is really unclear unless you have the script on your side. Suki loves Sokka and that didn't make the ceiling lights turn on. And the two Imperials have affection for one another. As such, it devolves into three teens and one 'barbarian' discussing kind-of philosophy.
> 
> -The Jade Chariot, Earth King Huang and the Eternal Court are all ideas I made up on the spot. It's like a afterlife of living in a rich palace with all the other dead Earth Monarchs.   
> -"To go on high, riding the dragon" was the saying used for when the Emperor of China died.  
> -Toph never girlishly cries. But she has one weakness. Badgermoles  
> -"Oh where, Oh where has my, Badger-mole gone, Oh where, oh where, Can he beeeee?" is a tune Toph sang during the comic "Dirty is Only Skin Deep".   
> -Earth King Huang was the first Earth King, named after the word Huangdi, which means Emperor. 
> 
> -Of course, Toph mentioned badgermoles last chapter and they returned in this one.  
> -In reality, names are based on Chinese for the EK/EE, Japanese for the FN, Aztec/Nahuatl for the Sun Warriors, Tibetan for the Air Nomads, Mongolian for the 'Barbarians' and Inuk/Inuit for the Water Tribes. Not counting main/canon characters, of course. There's going to be lots of repetition in more isolated lands, such as the 'barbarians'.


	6. The Completely Normal City of Omashu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bumi versus Toph: GET HYPED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for a hundred hits!

Chapter Seventy-Two:

The morning cloud cover cleared to reveal the gargantuan, mountain-spanning, city of Omashu. In verticality, it lacks no equal. Multiple hill peaks surround one large central mountain. The light green tiled roofs, rare in most of the Earth Empire, save the Upper Ring, are commonplace. Thousands of houses situated on steep streets that must switch back and forth. There appears to be no main road, like the Central Axis for the Capital. Instead, hundreds of side streets form, well this isn’t my city so I can be honest, utter chaos. When I record a lack of main roads, that is because there are no large vehicles. Which makes sense, it’s impossible to take such ascents in a truck or tank. There aren’t even any ostrich horses. No carriages. What it lacks in engine-power it makes up for in creativity.

“The Mad King’s City” is about as mad as the one hundred and thirteen year old monarch we were on our way to meet. All kinds of parcels are transported on mail chutes. Daring glider pilots can be spotted whirring about in the sky around the central peak. Shops are built where  _ all  _ stories have balcony views. Every so often, a rickshaw would come flying past us, off to a sorrowful  _ smash  _ into the ring wall of Omashu. And everyone eats  _ cabbage _ .  _ Cabbage _ . 

The guards sent a courier up to the King to inform him of “the arrival of people that want to see him”. We didn’t have to give any specifics and somehow these guards don’t recognize the pint-sized Blind Bandit or her band of multicultural, from-the-farthest-corners-of-the-Empire, companions. But they  _ did  _ recognize the name “the One Eyed Badgermole”. I pointed at my eyepatch but they  _ are  _ rockheads, so I don’t know what I was expecting. 

The guards informed us that His Majesty would see us “whenever we arrived” and as such we were free to wander the city. So the five of us, because  _ His Royal Highness, Duke Tough of the First Rank _ , the badgermole, must be counted, took our time with our ascent. We, and by we I mean the four of us who consume human food, stopped at a tea shop after climbing high enough that we could see our previous night’s campsite; a precarious cliff. 

Three whiskies -or whiskey flavored tea- and one water, because Wuhan didn’t want to drink, were our choice of beverage. The patrons were surprised at our odd, if one could call it that, band. “Are you four part of a wrestling team or a circus?” a man shorter than Wuhan and I asked us from his seat in the teahouse. The other patrons laughed. “She’s a wrestler, those two are soldiers and I’m an actor” Suki  _ why did you speak up _ spoke up for us. Because these patrons are  _ Omashuans _ , the short man, said “here’s four more for the strangers amongst us!” and we stood there with surprised looks. “Here’s one for everyone! It’s always fun to meet strangers!” he said, causing the whole teahouse to break into cheers. So we drank up while the taverngoers asked us questions. Where we were from, what we liked, what our goals were, and “do you have a sense of humor?” followed by laughter. We bought another round of drinks and set off. “Have a good journey!” The tavernkeeper, a _woman_ , called out to us. Knowing our speed, we’d get there by next season because climbing up streets, back and forth, is...slow.

A courier somehow found us,  _ actually not that hard all things considering _ , and told us that “His Majesty is available for meetings now” and asked “would you four like a ride up?”  _ What kind of bureaucratic system is this?  _ “Yes we’d like a ride up” I responded, politely, while sipping some water from a flask. “Guards! Assist these four-,”  _ grumbly growl,  _ “five, up to the Palace.” Sure enough, four guards dressed in Omashu soldiery garb exited a teahouse across the street -because there’s tea houses everywhere- and went “alright”. They instructed us to go to the next parcel station and the nine of us walked up the street,  _ everything’s up the street _ , to one of the spots where the mail chutes stop to deliver their goods.

We got on in two groups, Toph refusing to part ways with her badgermole, and were pushed  _ up  _ the chutes. “Are you sure we aren’t going to collide with one?” Suki asked, nervously, after the three of us watched a mail cart zoom past on the track next to us. “Won’t happen.” one of the guards pushing us responded. He was right. Didn’t mean we weren’t nervously clutching the cart as it progressed up the  _ vertical, steep path _ . To our sides, we ascended districts in moments, hills shortly after. It must’ve been a single finger width of time from our start point, which was  _ much further down the city than we thought _ , up to the top. 

When our cart came to rest, the guards informed us “the Royal Palace is just ahead” and wished us “a good meeting with the King.”  _ Where?  _ The five of us walked down a not-vertical road with heavy winds at our backs. The mountaintop sat at the end of this road, with houses jutting from the cliff face.  _ What a magnificent place for a palace _ . A structure sat in front of us. It looked like every other house we had seen. It was no more than five stories tall. The only difference was this house had a wall around it. A notable absence,  _ now that I think about it _ , from the rest of the country was a lack of walls of any kind. The Upper Ring had walls around most villas, let alone Ba Sing Se’s Great Walls. 

The five of us walked up to the entryway to the house. The two guards were looking us over with vigilance. I felt their gazes hang on me for longer than it had to. “Excuse me, but where is His Majesty’s Palace?” and the right door guard, that is she was on our right, pointed at the door. Also, it's a _she_. “Right here” she said. “But...this is a house. And it’s not even the highest house in the city. And it’s not a Palace” Suki argued for our side. _T_ _ hat’s right, Sukes.  _ “And where’s the line of people waiting to see the King?” Wuhan asked. I spotted Suki from the corner of my eye putting her hand on her hilt. I did the same. “Wait, wait, he’s telling the truth!” came the exclamations of the Earth Empress.  _ Wait what?  _

He was right. We shouldn’t doubt Omashuans. They’re an honest bunch. Honest and laid-back. They’ll throw jokes at strangers then buy them drinks. They’ll offer to help any kind of visitor, except the Fire Nation. They’re well built, as any would be to live in such a city, and they enjoy a fun time. Their Mad King inspired them to ride mail chutes. Of course, they try that and then get arrested and executed. But not if the Mad King's feeling tame. Other, safer, individuals, formed Glider Clubs and dive headfirst off the highest peak in the city, trying to catch the winds. And as for their Mad King? He’s seen more than he’d let on. 

Our badgermole grumbled to wait outside instead of following us through the tight doorway. We were led down a hallway with some torches and that’s it. No guards. “Your Highness, the four you requested to meet” and the man in Captain’s attire,  _ that I recognize _ , led us into a...plain room. He bowed to...nothing, turned around and walked out. There’s a chair at the other end, a single stone chair.  _ But it’s not even gold _ . No pillars. No massive badgermole grabbing an earth coin. A guard at either side of the empty throne.  _ Okay so he’s going to be late. Alright _ . Only part of the floor is painted, and it’s just green.  _ Just green _ . I turned around to look at the doorway we just walked through.  _ It’s just plain stone. Nothing _ . “I’ve seen houses in the Middle Ring with more detail” I said out loud instead of inside my head. The ground shook. Stupidly assuming it was an attack, I stepped in front of Toph.  _ Smash _ . An old man jumped out of the hole where  _ part of the floor once was _ .   


“Excuse me, have any of you seen the King of Omashu? I’ve got to visit him” the old man said, snorting.  _ Stand still. Stand perfectly still _ . _Do not flinch_. “Ah! I see the four of you have to visit him too” and he strolled over to us. He walked to my side, as I was the rightmost of the line of four. “How long do you think you’ll wait for him?” he asked. “I don’t know” I responded, trying to maintain my composure. “Alright then” and he pulled a piece of  _ jennamite  _ out of his pocket. “Well”  _ crunch _ “when”  _ crunch  _ “you”  _ crunch  _ “see”  _ crunch  _ “him. Be sure to let me know”  _ crunch _ . 

The four of us stood there, silently. Once he finished three pieces of rock candy, he walked over to the throne and sat down. His green robes draped the armrests. His wrists were nearly brought together, the rings on his hands came together in a quiet  _ tap _ . He wore a headdress with two quail pheasant feathers that were long enough to almost double his height. And his white hair. Everything about his hair was untamed. Patches of it were longer than others. And one of his eyes appeared in a constant state of exhaustion. “What brings Your Majesties to Omashu? You want some...jennamite?” he asked while drawing another piece of rock candy for consumption. 

“How did you know?” I asked, stupidly. Wuhan and Suki bowed to him while Toph stood there, a small grin on her face. “A rock does not speak, but it sees all” he claimed.  _ That’s not even...crunch _ . His crunches were able to pierce my own thoughts. “Well if you knew we were here, why not...I don’t know, announce us?” I asked, trying to be reasonable. “Did someone say announce? Hold on” he got off his throne and we parted ways to let him walk past us. We followed him outside the small building, at which point he stomped the ground a couple times and yelled “Everyone! The Earth Empress is here!” before turned around and hobbling back to his throne.  _ But nobody...you’re calling out to nobody _ . He called out to nobody, except some guards.  


“I announced you’re here, would the four of you care for dinner?” and he looked at a man dressed like a mix between an official and a soldier, that is he wore the hat of an official but the colors and garb of a soldier. He ran off and two guards carried out a table and put it down in front of the throne. Another four guards retrieved a chair each. “Not really” Toph said, disinterested. The guards looked  _ sad _ , grabbed their chairs, and began carrying them back...somewhere else. “Wait” The Mad King held up his hand. “We have meat” and Toph grinned. “ _ Sweet _ ”. 

The four of us sat down and ate plain,  _ I miss you plain food _ , steaks and quarters and other parts of a pig-chicken. While over dinner, we had a conversation. “-so I heard you once defeated a twenty thousand strong army of the Protectorate” Wuhan said, curious, while cutting white meat from some quarter. “That’s right. They couldn’t stay safe from me. It’s almost like you could say...they couldn’t...protect” and he laughed and snorted. “Well  _ I  _ once defeated a band of daofei by causing the hill they were on to collapse” Toph said, proudly. “I guess you could say they...fell for it?” and he laughed once again. “His Majesty retook the entire city during the Day of Black Sun by earthbending with his face” the Captain, named Yung, who had joined us for dinner, stated. “They didn’t see it coming” he snorted while spitting out a piece of lettuce to avoid choking on it.  _ Didn’t see? Because Black Sun?  _ Needless to say, mention a lack of sight and Toph's on the scene, waving her hand in front of her face. "I've crushed many armies and they never saw _me_ coming!" _Yes! Go Earth Empress!_ After more dinner, I thought to hit back at the Mad King.  “Her Majesty..." and I turned to the woman slurping  _ all  _ the grease from her plate down, "... what did you do with the ship and the seabed?”  “I-”  _ slurp _ “impaled my own ship, the Imperial Junk, with earth spikes from the seabed to keep it from sinking” and Bumi laughed. “That im _ pales  _ in comparison to when I got myself out of a metal cage with an earth pillar, though” he said, again laughing at himself.

“Does it?” and Toph took her fingers out of the greasy mess of meat she was picking through, “hold still” she whispered, then wiped her hands down on my cheek and neck. _There's a towel right there._ She grabbed a metal fork that I was using and morphed it into a small knife. Then she spun it around in midair before tossing it behind her and into the side of the doorway. It stuck. “Woohoo!” she punched the air. Bumi snorted, made a fist, and pointed it at the doorway. He clenched his fist and the  _ doorway _ fell in on itself, the two guards standing there dived out of the way just in time. “But I killed the Fire Lord! I  _ killed  _ the Fire Lord!” she said, cheering herself on. “Your Majesty, no offense meant to your prestige but Team Avatar weakened him first. I don’t think you could’ve killed him in one on one combat.” “Ahahahaha” was her eloquent worded response. “Earth’s the strongest element” and she banged her fist to her head. 

“See, His Majesty is the greatest earthbender of all time” Captain Yung said, smirking. “No. I really don’t _see_ ” and Toph waved her hand in front of her face. “No offense,  _ Your Majesty _ , but just because you’re a few years from a dirt nap doesn’t mean you can bend it.” And Bumi stopped his wicked smile for but a single moment. “Hmph. Is that how it is?” he said with a bit less madness and more determination. “It is.” she stated, matter-of-factly. “I’ve got ears that can earthbend better than you” he said, matter-of-challenging-ey.  _ Oh.  _ Toph blew on her bangs. “I’ve got  _ toes _ that can bend better than you” Bumi continued in his challenging. And Toph, calmly,  _ calmly,  _ split the table in two with a single raised fist and a pillar of earth. Then she blew on her bangs again. 

“There’s only one way to solve this” I _might_ have voiced one of those pesky inner thoughts. Both of them looked at me like I was a Chin visiting Kyoshi Island. “An Earth Rumble” the pair said _at the same time_. _Suki why are you clapping? Wuhan, why are you muttering prayers? Why are my hands shaking? Why is everything shaking?_ The two set the terms. “A nice-” from Bumi, “ _-dirty_ -” from Toph, “-rock-filled-” from the smiling Mad King, “mud-stained-” from the woman who loves mud, “to the first one down” from the elder of two. And the one retrieved a spittoon while the other cracked his shoulders. _Ptoo_. _Crack_. “Tomorrow” from Bumi “Now” from Toph. 

“Tomorrow  _ morning _ ” I declared. 

_ Ptoo. Crack. _

_ " _ It's on" the two mutually agreed.  


_ It’s on _ . 

We were offered bedchambers by the Mad King. At first he gave us a “recently refurbished” quarter consisting of four beds. The room was decorated with green hangings and carpets, a mild green floor and wall paint, and bright green beds. The four of us joked about the beds. “I’ve slept on much worse-” I stated. “ _ We've  _ slept on much worse. Thatch-,” Suki corrected, “I prefer sleeping on furs-” Wuhan exclaimed, “Nothing like the sweet sweet feeling of  _ dirt _ ” Toph said while yawning. After wishing each other a good rest, guards opened the earth door and stated “Your Majesties, please come with us”. Toph and I  _ both  _ went “why?” and the guards shrugged. “His Majesty wishes to give you personal quarters”. And so we were taken away from our bodyguards and over to an identical cell, same number of beds and everything. “Why did he do this?” I asked. “No offense, Your Majesty, but as you are a couple, he, quote, ‘wishes for you to enjoy a night...of being whole... before he crushes you with a rockalanche.’” the man stated, calmly and seriously. Toph bawled in laughter and I joined her. The guard didn't understand why we were laughing.  


I thanked them politely and they shut the door. Contrary to his advice, for we are not savage Water Tribesmen, we partook in dignified acts liked: Me undoing Toph’s hair and cleaning it with a metalbent comb, me giving Toph a foot massage, me giving Toph a back massage, us wrestling because why not, and finally her using me as a footrest while we discussed important matters. Namely, names. “Tough is too simple, Your Majesty” was the proponent of this. We went through a list of names. I’d propose something poetic and reminiscent, like “Jun Tu Zhi”; Her Imperial Majesty would propose something like “His Adorableness, Tough the Bash-a-slammer”. To which I would go “were you inspired by Lord Boomerang?” and she’d run her hand through her hair and go “yes” in a hint-of-jealousy tone. She argued that “He’s got goofy, fun, names. He might be a bit of a dunderhead but he’s an entertaining dunderhead”. Eventually I asked “so do you want to adopt him as Imperial Brother or something” and she laughed. “Naw, but you better encourage Suki and him to get together. They’re a great match.” To which Suki banged on our door  _ a moment later _ , waking us from our infatuated foot massage session. “Your Majesties, forgive me for the interruption” but Toph brought the door down. “Go ahead” She walked in and kowtowed. “May I suggest you give Bumi the old Whack-a-pow tomorrow?”  _ Yup, they’re perfect together _ . “Of course. Whatever that is, I’ll do just that” Toph said, laughing. Suki kowtowed again, wished us both a good rest and left.

A personal achievement of mine, I got Toph to  _ agree  _ to something. The badgermole would have a new name that’d be a compromise between my historical names and her...naming conventions. I wanted his style name to be Tu Shi but she stuck her tongue out. I sat back and thought through names in my head. “What about Qiangyang” I proposed "No ” she countered. “Qiangyang” I insisted. “ _ You stood your ground. _ ” and I got a shoulder punch. “Deal” she spat in her hand and stuck it out. Not wanting to disappoint, I shook. Vigorously shook. So, at the end of the day, we  _ did  _ become whole. Our own kind of whole. One with spit, confusing debates and foot massages. Then I went and took a shower. Then we went to sleep. “Good night, Lord Qiang” she said, calling out to the mythical beast.

The causeway to Omashu was packed to the brim with these green dots. A sea of green dots. The yellow walls were crowned with green dots. A line of guards kept the population of the causeway away at bay. Behind me, Suki, Wuhan and  _ Lord Qiangyang,  _ scratching the ground with anticipation. “Lead the way, Your Majesty” Suki nudged me from behind. I took a step forward to the edge of the cliff. I could rest on the railings Wuhan made. Beneath me stood two contenders. One facing the city, one facing the mountains. Time to recite the speech I  _ might  _ have made up with inspiration from Sokkacasms and all around Sokka related wisdom. 

“Welcome to the Royal Rumble! Two title-holders enter, one will leave…the Lord of all Earthbenders!” and the crowd applauded. “In the eastern corner, we have the local talent! His Royal Highness, the Mad Genius, King Bumi of Omashu, Lord of a Thousand Years!” and the crowd chanted “Bumi! Bumi!” in defense of their King. “And in the western corner, we have…” and I paused to allow Toph to do her own self hype. And by self-hype, I mean she pulled a boulder out of the cliff and turned it into a statue of herself before pushing the statue up to stand next to me. “Her Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Empress, the Lady of Gaoling, the Blind Bandit, Daughter of the Spirits, the Liberator of Ba Sing Se, the Reformer, the Inventor of Metalbending, Slayer of Fire Lord Ozai, the Victor of the Hundred Year War, Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits, Empress of Ten Thousand Years!” and the crowd, in respect for Toph, bowed to her.   


Suki walked up to the railing and appreciated the sight. Wuhan was in a bow, reciting something quietly. “Oh Great Hunter of the Sky, grant Your Kinswoman, the Steward of the Mandate, Your Strength. Halt Her foe” I let him finish his prayer before continuing. “No tunneling! No impaling! First one to fall loses!” I screamed -because otherwise nobody would hear my epic speech-, the crowd cheered. So did Lord Qiangyang. “Ten Thousand Years! Duelists, begin on the sound of the horn!” and I looked down at either one. I turned around and spoke quietly. “Wuhan, the horn” and he nodded. I gave that ram’s horn the best blare I could, and the crowd went silent.  _ It’s on _ .

It was on. A few seconds passed. Suki was like “why aren’t they kicking each other?” and Wuhan was muttering prayers about trappers and giant spike pits. The crowd started shouting vulgarities at either. “Get to whooping someone already!” and the rest agreed with that one woman. I looked back over the cliff. “Your Majesties?” and the two responded. “I would never strike a youth” from King Bumi, with a palm of politeness raised. “Filial piety. I wouldn’t dare disrespect my elder” from Toph, except  _ why does she sound genuine and flowery.  _ She was blowing her bangs away from her head to appear even more courtly. So I did what anyone else in my situation would do. “Your Majesty, what are you doing with that pebble?” Wuhan said, trying to stay quiet, but holding his hands to his face in terror.  _ What, you think I’m going to strike down the Mandate’s Steward? The Incarnate of Ten Thousand Years? She'd one-handed toss me into the next province.  _ “I’m just getting things started” I said, casually, as I chucked the pebble as far as I could. 

The pebble hit the ground with a single, quiet,  _ tap _ .

Bumi pulled up a rock wall and withstood Toph’s battery of two, three, no four, no  _ eight _ , her-sized boulders. He pulled one fist back to his head while the other punched forward, pulling back on the rockwall while sending part of it at Toph. She dug her hands to the ground, pulled two earth plates out, and broke his attack with her plates. She sent those two plates towards him, which thusly broke his wall. He hammerfisted one plate and grabbed the other, tossing it into the sky. He punched the ground and turned the stadium into a slope, trying to knock her off her feet.  _ You old _ \- but he continued his barrage, sending a large boulder at her. She did that little neck-crack which probably means she’s going to get serious now and headbutted the boulder. He quaked the ground, tossing the stadium back to its normal...elevation. She dodged one boulder and finger stabbed the other. Only now did the boulder he sent flying return to this province. He grabbed it from his stance and moved a  _ single foot _ forward, dropping it on the Earth Empress.  _ Ouch _ . Wuhan and Suki were surprised, the crowds of Omashu were cheering, and I was like “stop whining”. 

Sure enough, she punched right through that massive boulder and sent small pieces of it back at Bumi. He got into his low stance, bringing up pillars to crush the tiny projectiles. He turned the pillars to be parallel with the ground and launched them at her. One pillar, she headbutted it. Another, she brought up her own set of low earth columns with a single fist. Two pillars broke to the columns and she smirked. The pillars kept coming, breaking through her line of defenses and hitting her.  _ Almost  _ hitting her. She slid to the side at the last moment and let it fly into the cliff. 

When Bumi tried pulling up a rock wall again, she clenched her fist and turned it to dust. He scowled and did it again. She pulled more boulders out of the arena and tossed them at him. It took three to break his rock wall and a fourth to make him move  _ to the side _ . Annoyed at this, he took both his fists and started causing the cliff behind her to rumble. Wuhan grabbed me with a rock glove and tossed me backwards just before Bumi  _ ripped the cliff off _ and made it fall on Toph. She punched right through it, ascending on a pillar up above the falling cliff. She summoned two rock gloves and two rock boots from the ground and started  _ sliding _ down the cliff. Bumi turned part of the rockalanche to quicksand, grabbing her stone boots. For once, I actually saw her  _ struggling  _ to get out, before pulling herself out with her rock gloves. 

He was slinging boulder after boulder at her. She was breaking some and dodging others. And guess where those boulders went?  _ Me.  _ One was about to strike us but a pillar popped out in front of me. I turned around to thank Wuhan but found  _ liiiiiick _ . “Lord Qiangyang, thank you”  _ Lick _ . “But no getting involved, you hear me?”  _ No of course he doesn’t _ .  _ Lick _ . I looked back over the fallen cliff because I’m nothing if not stupid. It should be mentioned that all the while, Suki, Wuhan and I -and some members of the audience- were yelling “Go Blind Bandit”. A vast majority were instead shouting “Go Bumi!” 

She was skating down the rocky escarpment, he wasn’t happy with her approaching him. So he pulled a boulder out and punched it right at her. She backhanded it with a palm and kept going. He hammered the ground and made the rocky downhill a clean slope. She kept sliding, pulling two plates up with her. The boulders dissipated against her plates and she sent either back at different times. He punched the plates. Then he took a step forward. Then another. 

He pulled up a rockwall and started spinning it. She tried punching through part of the wall but as she did he’d just bring another segment around to block her. So she  _ backed up _ and summoned a slurry of columns. Each one smashed against a wall segment, causing dust to fly in all directions. Suddenly, the whole stadium was a dust cloud. And nobody could see what was happening.  _ Meaning… _

Toph ran back to her end of the field while Bumi started flinging boulders in the rough direction of Toph. I could sense her grin. Her well-earned, arrogant, grin. She slid down and vanished into the cloud. I heard smashing sounds and saw shards going everywhere. Then, silence. Not a peep. A few pregnant moments passed, then a loud crash and King Bumi was flying towards where we were standing. Was he sent flying towards us or did he deliberately launch himself? I don’t know. He pulled a rock wall up as he flew, crashing into it as a kind of landing pad. From there, he fell back to the ground, picking up the rock wall and morphing it into dozens of boulders which he sent tumbling down the slope. I didn’t see Toph due to the cloud but heard her breaking rocks. He laughed. He was standing  _ right  _ against the cliffside we were standing on top of. And a pillar popped out and hit him in the back, sending  _ him  _ tumbling down the rock slope. 

Now he vanished into the cloud. Not for long, for he launched himself into the air with an earth pillar. She sent another dozen columns up at him and he grabbed one column  _ in mid air _ and tossed it into others. He kicked one column into another and headbutted another one. Finally, he was earthbending with his...mind? Maybe his tongue? And redirected the columns back at her. As he fell, he parted his hands and removed  _ all  _ the dust from the field. This revealed Toph to be skating across the earth on rock boots, punching columns up at Bumi with light jabs and cuts.  


He landed and picked up one of her columns and tossed it at her while pulling up a rock wall. She grinned and walked  _ through  _ the rock wall. He pulled up a boulder from but a few feet away, she kissed her fingers and sliced the rock in two pieces. He got into a back stance and looked visibly annoyed at her offensive. So he punched the air and hit her with an earth pillar. All it did was send her a few feet into the air. No more than Wuhan or I are tall. But for her, that was enough.

She lost her connection to the earth. She fell back down to the ground like a doll. As she tumbled, she stuck one of her hands into the earth and got a handhold. He pulled a boulder out of the ground and tossed it at her. She pulled an earth pillar up with her hands and knocked the boulder out of this commandery. As he pulled up another rock wall, she walked through it. He was probably about to hit her with another rock pillar but she physically  _ tackled  _ him. She rolled  _ over  _ him and punched the ground, sending  _ him  _ flying on a rock pillar.

He spun around and kicked the rock pillar away. As he fell back to the earth he pulled up parts of the lower cliff to form a slide. Again, I sensed her grin. He went down the slide yelling “woohoo!” as he pulled pieces off behind him to sling at her. She headbutted one, finger stabbed another, palm struck another, and punched another. He was coming  _ right towards her _ on the slide. She was -maintaining full contact with the earth- sliding towards her. As he was about to collide with her, she pulled a low rock wall up. Then she  _ elbow struck it _ , shattering it into a thousand pieces. And she elbow struck one of the largest chunks right into his chest, sending him falling over himself. With her other hand, she grabbed him with a large earth fist. Before he could react, she turned the fist to roll him right off the cliff. And the crowd went silent. And we went silent. 

“Long live the Empress!” Suki was the first to shout. Then Wuhan and I joined in. “Ten Thousand Years! Ten Thousand Years!" and the crowd looked up at us like we just murdered their King. Toph? She rubbed her hair and pretended to dust herself off while walking back up to us. Just walking. Not running. We didn’t murder their King. He pulled himself back up to the cliff on an earth platform.

He leisurely strolled up behind her. “You wanna go for round two?” she asked. And she spat to her side. The three of us cheered, Lord Qiangyang roared, and the crowd booed Toph. “I’ll admit. You won.  _ This time _ ” and he gave a simple bow. “This time?” Toph asked, turning around to face him. “Until next time” he bowed and launched himself back at his city. Toph rode an earth wave up to our vantage point and graciously honored us with commanding us to “kowtow before the newest title, Greatest Earthbender of All Time!” And we kowtowed. Because we’re good Earth Empire citizens. And we kowtow. For my service in cheering her on, I won a shoulder punch and "I'll pretend you _didn't_ try to assassinate me with a pebble" which, itself, earned an uppercut. Fair. That's fair.  


King Bumi invited us to dinner, again. There, we brought up the real reason, I think, for visiting. Because at the end of the season, it doesn’t matter which of the two is the greatest earthbender.  _ No, that’s wrong. Stop pretending to be an Air Nomad. Toph’s the best, screw the rest.  _ Back in reality, we were having a discussion with King Bumi about real problems, like championship belts, and Southerners. Commander Yung, that’s actually his rank, that is Commander of the Omashuan City Guard, brought out a map. Sure, compared to two nutty earthbenders, a map is boring.  _ And it is. And I wish I had someone else with eyes, or an eye, who could do this job _ . But we have an Empire to run. So after agreeing that the Championship Belt for “Greatest Earthbender of All Time” should feature the sigil of the badgermole, the original earthbenders, we got to the boring map stuff.

“ _ Daofei  _ hold the Omashu-Gaoling caravan route at multiple points. The nearest one is a base near the Temple of Shantian in the commandery of Xiejia. Our city is going to start starving if we don’t the Imperial Army’s aid” was the speech Yung had for us. While Toph got to pick her teeth clean of greasy, oily, plain, steak-like substances, I was approved to oversee the “boring stuff”. Bumi, meanwhile, sat on his rear and enjoyed gobbling some leaves. “And...why haven’t you called for the Imperial Army?” I asked a reasonable question. Every magistrate has the right, at least, to call for a summons to the Imperial Army. It might not be answered, more on that later, but it can’t hurt to try. “General Fong claims that because we are a Free City we don’t deserve the support of the Imperial Army” Yung claimed.

“But the caravan route goes to Gaoling. That’s not a Free City” I argued. “What were we supposed to do? His Majesty wanted us to ‘do nothing’” he said with a pinch of anger as he turned to face a happy Bumi. “You wanted us to do nothing,” Yung asked, annoyed. “That’s right!” he responded, sounding oblivious. I pointed at the map. “And you want…” and I trailed off to let him give his thoughts. “The Earth Empire to regain control of the Gaoling trade route”. “Alright then” Toph said while chomping on a bone.  _ But...we don’t have any idea of what we are facing. _ “So it’s pure fortune that we stumbled over here” I concluded. “It is, but our wise King suggests we seek any opportunities that come along”  _ But I’m not a mere messenger.  _ “So now that we’re here, within your halls, you ask this of us? Why not send a message to Ba Sing Se?” I asked, frustrated. “We did, Your Majesties. But there came no reply.”

So I asked for every last piece of information I could. This supposed force of  _ daofei  _ arose from a group of ex-Fire Nation officers rallying an army of deserters, from all kinds of forces, who “looted and burned their way through the Southlands”. Where was this information? Why weren’t we informed about this back in Caldera? Or back in Ba Sing Se? Where were the communication lines with the South? I asked about Gaoling and was told “we haven’t received any of their hawks in a season”.

They numbered in the tens of thousands, which is pretty small in terms of armies. That was Yung’s estimate. They lacked any modern armor or artillery, but “are reputed to field a large ostrich horse contingent”. As Omashu is no longer a vassal of the Earth Empire, it is a Free City within the realm, we had to  _ ask  _ King Bumi, royalty-to-royalty, to request his forces. And he said “no”. Why? “I barely have an army. I need it for defending Omashu”. And therein lies the failures of a Free City. The rulers, even good ones, are so concerned with their own defense that they can’t afford to donate any troops to our cause. 

Speaking of Free Cities, what  _ is  _ a Free City? Omashu is  _ not  _ a member of the Earth Empire. It is its own independent nation existing within our borders. Our troops and their troops can intermingle. Their officials have the right to come to our academies to learn and likewise we can send architects to Omashu to learn architectural design. Should a war against the Earth Empire be called, they are not forced to give us their levies. Why give them a Free City? We get all the benefits of the city without the administrative or ethnic clash issues. An Omashuan ruler running Omashu is forced to trade with the Empire for food and other non-city based resources. It also gets us a valuable ally. Bumi is not going to defect and join the  _ daofei _ . The downside is he also has no reason to join our campaign against them. He wishes to follow Neutral Jing and as he isn’t part of the Earth Empire there’s nothing we can do outright of murdering him that would make him give us his forces.  _ Because the people would gladly support the person who just killed their ruler _ .  _ Tell that to the Fire Nation _ . Plus, even if he gave us his forces, what’s to say a populist rebellion doesn’t take over Omashu and turn the valuable Southern Ba Sing Se over to rebels? All-in-all, we already have one massive city to manage. We don’t need another. 

I took the Imperial Seal,  _ thanks for carrying it Sukes _ , and drafted up a scroll. I had to get Toph’s permission first but “if you leave me to eat my pig-chicken, I’ll leave you to write up whatever you want.”  _ With thinking like that, what could possibly go wrong?  _ I asked her  _ what  _ her goals were and all she said was “Gaoling has money, I want that money” in an annoyed tone because I was interrupting her dinner. Which makes sense, if someone came stumbling into  _ my  _ quarters while I was eating dinner and asked for some complicated map-based military campaign that may or may not cost hundreds of thousands of lives, I’d probably say “come back later”. Time was of the essence, and every moment lost is another this Fire Nation rump state accrues power. Note that my mind was haunted with the peculiar “what is happening in New Taku” question while writing the war plan.  _ That _ was the essence. Resolve this pitiful excuse of a pitiful rebellion then march the invigorated, fanatical, nationalistic, army of smelly peasants up to New Taku and politely knock on the Avatar’s shed and go “would you kindly go back to your barren sub-polar rock?” 

_ To Magistrates Jia of Anwar, Long of Xiejia, Hung of Gujia, Lady Mo-Song of Yahazhen, Lee-Min of Yangxi, Lady Boshi of Jiancheng, Gansu of Zaofu, Bo of Beisu, Songzhen of Gong Basili, Ao of Wahee  _

_ By Decree of Her Imperial Majesty, ten thousand troops from the preceding listed commanderies are to be mustered for an Imperial Campaign Against Rebels. Two groups are to be formed. All commanderies within the Region of Omashu are to gather at the town of Yahazhen in Yahazhen. All commanderies within the Region of Beisu are to converge at the county capital of Zaofu.  _

_ Should a magistrate fail to muster the quota of one thousand, that is, ten groups of one hundred, without given reason, he or she will have committed treasonous actions and will face Her Imperial Majesty’s justice. _

_ Arise to face the brutal, savage, daofei scourge! Long live Her Imperial Majesty! Ten Thousand Years! _

_ Written by His Imperial Majesty, the Emperor.  _

And so on. All those other titles are quite redundant and we need this call-to-arms to get there before next season. Did we have any faith in these people? Not really. So I sent a message to someone I  _ did  _ have faith in, the warhammer swinging, tank riding, whiskey guzzling, General of the South.

_ To Imperial Commander Fong, General of the Imperial Army of the South _

_ Her Imperial Majesty wishes to reclaim the Gaoling land trade line which has recently fallen under control, at multiple points, by daofei. Should you be in Caldera, send this message to your sub-Commanders. Should you be in our around the Azure Docks, we request the Southern Imperial Air Corps’ aid for this upcoming offensive. _

_ What’s the status of the Southlands? What’s the status in Royal Caldera City? What do you know about the Avatar’s little New Taku project? _

_ Long live Her Imperial Majesty! Ten Thousand Years! _

_ Written by His Imperial Majesty, _

_ Note: Does New Taku fall under your or Song’s jurisdiction?  _

I gave both letters the seal and had the first one copied multiple times and sent to all the listed provinces. 

Toph and I spent one more night in Omashu before setting off for the south. We thanked His Majesty, King Bumi, for hosting us. He laughed a bunch and thanked Toph for the wonderful chance at a fight and “one day, I will find you, and we will fight again”. Of course, before I could speak sense into her, Toph jumped onto the mail chute and opted to skate down it on her own. No matter how much Wuhan tried to chase her, he couldn't succeed. So instead we could only watch with concern, awe, or in Wuhan's case, a sudden urge to pray. When we eventually took the safe mail chute system down to find her, she was both sweaty and giddy and 'we need one of these in Ba Sing Se!' 

Bumi stood atop the single gate to see us off, and the opposite of how we came, ordered the guards to kowtow to our small band out of respect. King Bumi may appear indecisive, but there’s a reason he’s been King for eighty years. And no, it’s only partially due to him tricking King Saikhan into giving up his throne and going into exile for the rest of his miserable existence. Turns out being a tyrant meant the moment he stepped out of the Royal Palace, he was mobbed to death in the “Shoe Rebellion”.  _ Oh, I love the Earth Empire and it’s bonkers history _ .   


The five of us reached a stone sign that read “Welcome to Xiejia, home of the line of Taj”. That dynasty hasn’t existed for two hundred years. I only know this because while in Omashu I looked up their local archives. Turns out, Omashuans are quite knowledgeable about everyone between the Great Divide and Gong Basili, between the sea of Jianjiang or the “Nippy Coast” and the Si Wong Desert. Are the archives accurate? Kind of. They may call the Avatar Lord Pippinpaddleopsicopolis and call his girlfriend “an icy water wench” because the archivists haven’t been to the North Pole.  _ Now those, those are icy people _ . In case it wasn’t obvious, archivists of Omashu, never, ever, tell the Avatar what you said about his girlfriend. She will impale you with all kinds of icicles. For other news, Omashu prides itself on freedom. All kinds of documents are stored and readily available for public use. Everything from Fire Nation cooking scrolls -just add one cup of Tottori green- to ancient Earth Kingdom horticulture. Ancient smelting techniques from all four nations, well three because the Air Nomads... _ what are they going to make, a wind sword?... _ don’t make weapons. Part of this freedom comes from the flag of the city. A white lotus. Omashu is a Free City. And a proud member of the White Lotus.

  
  


We reached the town of Fanggao the next morning. For the record, it looked like every other southern Earth Kingdom town. Has a wall, lots of farmland surrounding the wall, loosely spaced -having been around for hundreds of years- houses inside. Shops line the one main road, a barracks and training ground off to the side of the town center and at the true centerpoint of the town, the mayor’s office. Our messenger hawk had already arrived and  _ as  _ we entered the town, a hornman was doing his horn thing.  _ As opposed to playing the horn like a pipa, right? What else would a hornman be doing?  
_

“By decree of Her Imperial Majesty, ten thousand have been summoned for a campaign!”  _ Oh how motivating. A young boy who sounds as motivating as Aang when he finds out he’s eating at a steakhouse.  _ We walked down the quiet, well it  _ would  _ be quiet if this boy would stop screaming, road, and were accosted by guards. Turns out walking around with a gigantic mythical beast makes for grabbing attention. As usual, we made them all surprised and borderline faint from our presence, before we dragged ourselves  _ -we  _ don’t need any help, and especially Her Imperial Majesty, thank you very much- over to the mayor’s office. 

Toph, being the inspirational leader that she is, walked past the kowtowing secretary and smashed the earth door in two, not because she had to but because she  _ can _ , and surprised the man so much he spat out his morning tea. If I were him and out of nowhere the strongest duelist in the world, and her band of multicolored companions, and a badgermole, walked through my door, I’d also be surprised. So she asks him, face-to-chest, where her troops are. He’s just a man named Hiroshi and he’s bald at the ripe old age of forty-one. He’s so lowborn he doesn’t even have a surname. He’s just the mayor. 

He tells us that his entire three thousand person levy has been sent to wherever in the name of Kyoshi I had them sent.  _ I hope I didn’t misspell it _ . We asked him “where” and he had no idea. So we asked his secretary. And  _ he  _ had an idea. “Yahazhen, Your Majesties”.  _ Now where in the name of Kyoshi is Yahazen. Or Yahazhen. Or Yahoo. Yizhou.  _ With Her Imperial Majesty’s physical presence alone, droves of people turned out to volunteer. And we accepted those volunteers. They came from villages and individual houses from across the northern commandery and were armed with a motley assortment of tools. Pitchforks, kitchen knives, sickles, some scythes, a few dozen ostrich horses.  _ It’s like Caldera all over again _ . 

But we aren’t going to say no to some boulder fodder. We left the town while civilians poured out from their homes to see us off. They chanted “Ten Thousand Years” and all that. Most likely, they’d never see us so close ever again. And while I don't mind Toph’s...let’s call it unique... rankness, I’m not a fan of people who smell like bogs. So the couple hundred volunteers kept at a distance behind us while the five of us slowly walked east and southeast.

As we came upon the border with Gujia, Toph dismounted her “adowable wittle earthwender” as she called it once, half-asleep, and told us that a train line was up ahead. So we kept walking for another few fingers of time and came upon a train line. Instead of finding a station, we decided to set up camp  _ right there _ . The smelly militia would have to wait. And they waited. They held mass prayers in honor of being near Her Imperial Majesty. When Toph got up on a platform to “let the wind take my hair” while she picked her ear, a crowd gathered to witness her. Picking her ear. And they kowtowed to it. “Long live! Long live! Ten Thousand Years!” I wandered around their not-that-sanitary excuse for a camp at night and listened to people talk about...nothing  _ but  _ Her Imperial Majesty. “How Her Imperial Majesty picking Her Imperial Majesty’s holy ear is symbolism for-” and some such. At least I wasn’t being offered concubines every other tent. 

I was also staying away from making myself seen. That is, until I tripped on nothing and face planted the entrance to some important strongman’s tent. Some guy named Ruan-Jing and his wife Lihua were leaders of a local hunting band. Each band had fifteen men -or women- and he commanded ten of these bands. What in the holy name of Her Imperial Majesty a bunch of farmers would or could be hunting was beyond me. Nonetheless, they kowtowed out of respect to my dirt-ridden, sweat-coated, eyepatch not cleaned for days, face and my dirty auburn queue that was now partway to strangling me. 

They invited me into their tent. Last time someone “invited me into a tent”, correction, I invited myself, I stumbled in on Sokka confusing Zuko for Suki and confusing a euphemism for a pair of knives.  _ That attempt of his to dislodge oneself from a tree will haunt me to my grave.  _ Wait.  _ No I’ve been in other tents before.  _ Point is, they “wanted to know what blessings Her Imperial Majesty” had drawn up as edicts. This is because, as per the Ministry of Rites,  _ we actually have one of those? Funny, right? I completely forgot we have such useless ministries _ , every Earth Monarch recites prayers to their ancestors not long after dawn. As the bridge between,  _ no that’s the Avatar _ , as someone who walked in and is now the Earth Empress, Toph is  _ supposed  _ to draw up new prayers for the populace to say. I think. I told him to go read a book, forgot that he was illiterate, then forgot I forgot and went back to Toph’s earth tent. “Do you have any  _ prayers _ , the people are in need...” I said, barely able to keep myself together. So I got a glob of mud tossed at me. “Make something up” she handwaved her problems away. Knowing the Earth Empire, her ear-picking will become part of the new state dogma. Although, I find Wuhan’s beliefs to be pretty interesting. More research needs to be done.

Some time later, we halted a passing train. The Imperial Army soldiers were amazed to have us requisition one of the carriages for our own, private, no that just means we want to be left alone-er, use. Lord Qiangyang sat in between the earth-disc turrets on the defensive carriage. We and our band of a few hundred took the rail to Yahazhen where we are about to arrive. Soon. We just received a letter saying that some Magistrates from the region of Nantu will be mustering their levies to attack the Gong. Sensu of Meixian, Gansu of Zhouzhi, Ping of Dongdi, Kozel of Yanxicun and Baatar of Sangzhen. With them, an additional thirty thousand are expected to be fielded. 

What awaits us? We’re a long, long way from where we’re supposed to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we march on the Southlands! 
> 
> Mad Encyclopedia Entries for the Mad King's City:  
> -Omashu rejects modernized modes of transportation, as such everyone's got really strong arms and legs  
> -When the Mechanist finally left his Northern Air Temple, one of the first places to demand his glider designs was Omashu. The mortality rate for flying a glider in Omashu has slowly decreased from 90% to 70%. Turns out grabbing a stick with wings doesn't make you a expert glider pilot.  
> -Omashu's bureaucracy lacks the efficiency of Ba Sing Se's Dai Li.  
> -The Mad King once defeated an entire rebel army on his own.   
> -Toph did everything she claimed to do, in addition to put an arrow through Fire Lord Ozai's head.  
> -Originally the four of them were going to sleep in the prison chambers that were refurbished to be regular chambers.  
> -Qiangyang, the combination of the two, has many meanings. The characters I used make the name become "Unyielding and Glorious" though Qiang + Yang is Tough + Masculine energy, therefore Qiangyang (with different characters) could mean Tough Man. 
> 
> -This is not the last Earth Rumble. We're going to Earth Rumble Seven, too.  
> -The duel itself is alot more...explosive...if imagined visually.
> 
> -Captain Yung is the same man who, in canon, formed the Omashu Resistance.  
> -Omashu being a Free City has it's pros and cons. The Earth Kingdom was already decentralized to the point that the King of Omashu might as well have been his own Kingdom. Now, it's just formally, officially, allowed to retain its autonomy. Also, it's nearly impossible to lay siege and take Omashu should the defenders put up a fight.  
> -All those named officers will make reappearances in upcoming chapters. Likewise, their lands will be explored and overview.  
> -Azure Docks was a location of a battle in my last fic. It's home to one of Fong's many western fortresses and associated massive dockyard.  
> -Bumi scammed the last King, a tyrant, into giving up his throne. When the last king left, he was mobbed to death by people wielding shoes in their hands. Thus, the Shoe Rebellion. Not to be confused with Shu, of Oma and Shu fame.  
> -The Gong Basili is the one major pass to go north-south. The next eastern pass one can take is on the other side of the Empire, near the eastern coast.
> 
> -It is by the fanaticism of these 'smelly peasants' that the Empire retains its massive armies.   
> -


	7. Hammering the Dong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mob of peasants led by one auburn-haired man attack a mob of well-armed daofei led by a rotund man.

Chapter Seventy-Three:

We arrived at Yahazhen later that night. While a large crowd gathered to kowtow to a window and two people inside the window who weren’t that interested in giving a public speech, some low ranked officers walked up to the entryway to request permission from Imperial Army guards to enter. I recall, while getting changed into my sleepwear, a guard exiting his post and marching down the single aisle,  _ past  _ me, and to Wuhan. “Captain, Guo of Shantian, leader of two thousand militia, wishes to enter”. Then Wuhan walked  _ back down  _ the aisle to Toph and I’s bedchamber, halted in front of the bead-curtain thing, and said “Your Majesties, a person by the name of Guo of Shantian requests an audience with Your Majesties.”  _ Where even is Shantian?  _ Then Toph stuck her tongue out and I translated, from Toph-speak -because she’s busy- to common tongue, “No.” 

After hearing that Abaoji of...I forgot, requested to enter and was denied, the fifth Abaoji of the night, Toph stomped the ground and sealed the entrances to the carriage. “Finally” and she laid back on her bed, stretched out, and got to sleep. We thought this was it, but no. The crowd that was practically hugging the carriage burst into prayers for us. “Kyoshi, you’re probably going to recommend  _ against  _ pillaring all these people, right?” I, disappointingly, nodded. “It would be wise to attend to these, albeit simple, peasants.” “Wise” she said, mimicking Katara, “really? I know someone wise, and he can go attend to them” and she rolled over in her bed, tousling her undone hair even more.  _ It’s me. It’s always me _ . “It’s me” I said as I made for the not-really-a-door. “Get out there, bring the Seal so you can Imperially hand it to them” and she summoned a rock glove to push me out the not-a-door. “Suki” I called “On it” and we walked to the once-a-doorway-now-a-wall.  _ Tap tap _ . The wall fell down with a crash. And the crowd was in an uproar. 

“Look, it’s His Imperial Majesty!” they cried out to the man wearing a blue Informal robe. The cold air whipped my... _ wait where’s my eyepatch _ . I felt the place where it’s supposed to be and  _ oh. I left it inside _ . “Long live!” they cheered.  _ I can’t go inside, they might rebel _ . “Ten Thousand Years!” someone said, and they kowtowed. “Your Majesty, you’re missing...something”  _ thanks Sukes _ . I had managed to take my luxurious scabbard and my Imperial Sigil bearing sleeprobe, but forgot the small piece of cloth. And the hat. It should be said that she was in her Kyoshi Warrior armor but not the makeup. Meaning she was better dressed than I was. She might as well be my personal advisor. I leaned into Suki’s ear. “What? Do we do” I said with gritted teeth, trying to maintain a smile to the large public. “Just wave your hand a bunch”  _ thanks Sukes _ .  _ Wave. Wave _ . “Ah! He noticed me!” some random peasant screamed and fainted. I kept waving. The crowd got back into a kowtow. I was going to turn around and walk back inside but “Your Majesty, it is an ultimate honor to-”  _ Not the officials. In the name of Kyoshi… _

It was the officials. Or officers. Dressed like officers with their attire of captains and conical hats bearing a small Earth Empire sigil. Wearing the ceremonial hilted, probably useless, jian scabbards. The rich ones had something _beyond_ a captain’s attire. Maybe a small point at the top of their conical hat. Leg armor. One guy even had a _queue_. A queue! Everyone else was in topknots. I could either turn around and go back to sleep, which would grant me the _oh-so-rewarding_ feeling of sleep. Or I could meet the officials and satiate their need for attention. “Yes?” was all I had to say to have a dozen of them kowtow. _What, they want me to rate them on their kowtows? You’re ten points out of ten, he’s a nine, he’s a nine, he’s an eight, he’s drunk._ “Suki, what do I do?” I said, backing into one of the Imperial Army guards. She rubbed her chin. “Hold the war plan tonight?” she pondered. _That...that makes a lot of sense._

I coughed for intimidation and also because I needed to catch my breath. Also to grab their attention.  _ Which I already had.  _ “Officials of the Southwestern Earth Empire” I began in my  _ formal, deep _ , voice. “Let us allow...wait” and I paused while they looked at me. “Let Us reconvene in the town center to establish a war plan, We must let Her Imperial Majesty get her sleep” and I made sure to say the last half nice and  _ loud _ . And a faint “thanks, Kyoshi!” brought a smile to my face. Some of these officials made me question if they even knew what the word ‘reconvene’ means. They brought their hands out and did some fancy bows and one said “Your Majesty’s wisdom is as tall as Mount Meixian”  _ is that a hill?  _ The rest repeated it.

As I walked through the parting crowd, a platoon of Imperial Army soldiers -not Imperial Guard- escorting me, I couldn’t stop thinking  _ keep these people away so Toph can sleep. No matter what _ . And I wasn’t going to go back on that. I might fail, but hey, I tried. The crowd followed me like a pack of owl-cats following a single rat-mouse. Yahazhen,  _ was that the name of this town? _ , looked like every other town. One notable difference between this place and the rest of the Earth Empire, or  _ used to be _ , was the prominence of female officials. 

The lands around Omashu believed they were following the “true” successor to the original earthbenders. The local dominant -region-wide- spirituality is called the Omashuan Ethics. Oma and Shu were both earthbenders and thus, both men and women were always eligible to inherit the titles. Priests are encouraged to intermingle with the population and even to lead armies. Magistrates who  _ don’t  _ lead their forces are looked down upon for spiritual reasons. The downside is that the religion, or quasi-religion, always kept itself in the lands around Omashu. When the Fire Nation invaded, the rich southwestern Earth Kingdom was one of its choice targets. And those who worshipped Omashuan Ethics diminished as their priests and leaders marched, “dao in hand/to an honorable last stand.” By the time of this writing, only a few of these magistrates are followers of the ancient spirituality. As such, there aren’t that many women in positions of power. Though this is one reason why the introduction of women to the government positions of the Earth Empire wasn’t as earth-shattering as the ministers thought: most spiritualities may have an element of chauvinism, but many minor ones are egalitarian. We just don’t see them because we live in Ba Sing Se.

Why is all this relevant? Because the ruler of the town was one of the few that remained. As I reached the town center, actually the commandery center, a three story building with beautiful green roofing, the doors opened and a middle-aged woman walked out. “Your Majesty, welcome to Yahazhen”, she said, sounding like a confident, soft-spoken, grandmother. As always, she kowtowed. A young man came up to her side. “Your Imperial Majesty, this is Mo-Song, Lady of Yahazhen, ruler of the Yahazhen Commandery.” I allowed her to raise while the army of officials on my tail stopped pressing into me. “I’m beyond honored to have Your Majesty as my guest”. I gave a cordial bow back to her. I pulled out my formal, slightly poetic, voice. “I’d like to host a war meeting while the night is young, would your facilities allocated for it?” She hesitantly nodded before backing into the building. 

The young man was her son, Onku the Younger, named for her husband. While she was a nonbender and wore boots to match, he walked about in a conical hat and barefooted. The officials followed Suki and I in while she snapped her fingers and attendants buzzed about. She begged forgiveness for not coming to meet us at the train, citing “I thought Your Majesties would prefer to sleep” and Suki and I traded a glance and laughed.  _ I too, would prefer to sleep _ . We waited at the doorway while young men and women, her household staff, ran about. One was carrying five dishes in one hand, one was carrying a chair, one was carrying two teacups, one almost dropped a pitcher, and so on. We stepped to the side to let their chaos direct itself as appropriate. Once done, we walked in.

The following is the list of people who were attending this meeting and the list of troops they had brought with them. Northeast to Southwest. 

Jia of Anwar brought some two hundred benders, three hundred sixty riders, one thousand infantry and three hundred crossbows. 

Hung of Gujia, the “Apathetic Merchant”, brought two hundred benders, five hundred and twenty five riders, one thousand one hundred infantry and one hundred fifty crossbows. The town in his commandery brought another forty benders, five hundred infantry and one hundred ninety crossbows.

Long of Xiejia brought two hundred fifty three benders, four hundred riders, one thousand one hundred infantry and two hundred and fifty crossbows. Zei, mayor of Fanggao, a town within Xiejia, independently brought sixty benders, five hundred infantry and six hundred crossbows. He also has in his possession ten artillery trucks and five old Tundra Tanks.

Lee-Min of Yangxi, “the Charmer”, brought a hundred and twenty benders, two hundred fifty riders, three hundred infantry and one hundred crossbows. Of the other two towns and one temple in his commandery, he brought another hundred benders, one thousand two hundred infantry and one thousand crossbows. 

Mo-Song’s husband -Onku “the Cynical” as his critics called him- was not present, for he was still summoning the county militia. He was expected to bring one hundred eighty two benders, three hundred fifty five riders, one thousand forty two infantry and one hundred and eleven crossbows. Furthermore, he has in his possession four monoplanes. 

As it turns out, most commanderies lack a massive force of benders. One hundred earthbenders may be drawn. It doesn’t mean they are any good. These are  _ local  _ levies. Not the better-than-a-mob Imperial Army, the capable Army of the West, the drilled Royal Army of the Fire Nation, or the lockstep Imperial Guard or elegantly-sliding-around Dai Li. We’re going to fight  _ daofei  _ with a bunch of men and women armed with spears, crossbows, and  _ possibly  _ able to toss a boulder or two. That said, a hundred benders is still a hundred benders. It doesn’t take six men to toss one rock, so every bender  _ has the potential  _ to be a one-man artillery piece. As to whether or not they toss that rock into our lines or not...that will be seen.

The coastal commanderies have more levies to muster than, let’s say, Gujia, where almost the entire population lives along the Gujia river and near the capital of Gujia. What the inland loses in numbers it makes up for in riders. Gujians grow up on the lands of the not-a-desert-just-as-bad Aksu Steppe. And the steppe breeds ostrich-horse riders. The coasts have more crossbows and infantry, and those tend to be helpful. I’d still take fifty riders over a thousand smelly peasants and their sharpened stakes. Or, that’s what Caldera taught me. 

The Zaofu Army,  _ haha, ‘army’,  _ is not present because their self appointed leader is camped near the ore mines of Zaofu. Gansu is his name. He and Mo-Song have been back-and-forth with messenger hawks. At the war meeting, the order of battle,  _ haha, order _ , was decided.  _ Our  _ force would march down to the Gong while Gansu’s troops would reinforce. When we took the pass, they’d march through and break into the Southlands. After taking the pass, the three forces, us, Army Group Zaofu, and the volunteered-to-ride-along Southerners would rendezvous in the coastal plains west of Gaoling. Either Bianzhou or Chang’an. 

I instructed these officers to ‘come up with long-term plans’, knowing full well they’d spend all night fiddling their thumbs while I could get some  _ sleep _ . We set off, everyone kowtowed, and Suki and I returned to the train carriage. The crowd had dissipated, it  _ is  _ the middle of the night, and I might’ve gotten onboard quietly had a certain badgermole not roared. So I walked down the rail line, passing kowtowing guards who were doing an outstanding job of being statues, and up to the defensive carriage. 

“Good evening Lord Qiangyang, how is your sleep?”  _ Grumble _ . Why did I expect anything less? He was scratching the floor of the carriage, scraping entire pieces of the carriage off like one would pick their skin. If they picked their skin with a knife. The guards stayed back because each one probably went “I don’t want to meet the claws of that thing”, then apologized to  _ that thing _ because -and if they knew Katara they probably thought, in her voice- his name is Lord Qiangyang and there’s  _ nothing  _ more precious to the Empress in the world. Toph would probably lay siege to Caldera, again, if he fell in love with the taste of hippo-cow.  _ Please, Agni, don’t let him taste hippo-cow _ . Suki scratched his head and, being smarter than I, concluded “maybe he wants some food”. Previously while we marched Toph would acquire meat from our entourage, but now she was asleep and  _ I don’t want to wake the Badgermole Empress _ . So we walked back into town, and by into the town I mean over to some guy’s farmhouse. Learning from the greatest couriers in the world, the Dai Li, we tapped nicely on the door. A man with a beard -that’s his only noticeable feature in the middle of the darkness- stepped out and was quite amazed. Long story short, we bought a pig-chicken from him and I handed it to Lord Qiangyang. Who devoured the raw meat like Toph devouring a steak.  _ They’re perfect together _ . 

As it’s not my job,  _ yet _ , to be his guard, I walked back to the correct carriage -after stumbling into the wrong one- and fell into our bedchamber. I informed Toph that her badgermole got dinner -only took part of the moon’s passing to accomplish it- and that the officials would be busy  _ all night _ . I was rewarded with a shoulder punch. Except, the bed was so fluffy that she couldn’t see where she was punching so I got whacked in the face instead. Lesson learned. 

Throughout the night and the next day the Imperial Army expanded the monorail and added another couple dozen carriages. These were quite simple ones, lacking anything beyond stone chairs, stone slabs for beds and a few other necessities. The next day, the officials requested permission to dispatch the riders ahead of the train, and were approved to do so by a single loud  _ stamp _ . Yahazhen during the day looks nicer than at night. In all directions, we only saw flat. No mountains. No foothills. Gujia was somewhere to the northwest, more of the Yahazhen commandery to the north, the eastern edge of Jiancheng to the west, and...this rail line eventually leads to the mountains of Zaofu in the south. 

A few days passed while all the forces mustered. Our band of officers, Jia, Long, Hung, Lee-Min and Mo-Song weren’t best friends. Everyone blames Long for not having the levies mustered to deal with the Xiejia  _ daofei, _ Long blames Lee-Min, and Lee-Min blames some guy from Dahai Commandery. As Long drew his short dao, to which Lee-Min went “compensating for something?”, I grabbed my jian hilt. Normally, the Dai Li would pop in and grab both of these people. And their families. I did my “Dai Li get over here!” gesture but we stood around like idiots while a single bird squawked. _Right, you're all back on that boat somewhere. That's rough, me._

So I drew and pointed my jian at the two and went “enough! In the name of Her Imperial Majesty!” and that scared the daylights out of them. I had the Imperial Army drag  _ all  _ these officials into a rapidly created stone structure and “let’s sit down and talk about this like people,” and somehow having His Imperial Majesty pulling a Toph and bossing them around reminded them of who kowtows to whom. At the end of the afternoon, I was still second-in-command. And when a guard raced to tell Toph of the oncoming scuffle, she kicked a wall off and earth waved over to the structure and screamed at the top of her lungs “Okay you dunderheads, who wants to get a rock glove  _ to the face _ ?” and the entire room kowtowed. Except me. Because I was laughing. 

Toph sat everyone down like little children and had them all give their own takes on the story. Jia and Hung blamed Long for the whole daofei-blocking-road problem that was the  _ original reason we’re even here _ . Long calmly raised his hands in defense and went “Lee-Min doesn’t have the situation under control” and Lee-Min stated that the not-present Deming of Dahai is responsible. I was hoping, really hoping, that maybe the group would realize the  _ daofei  _ are  _ everyone’s  _ problem but Toph heard the name Deming and yelled “it’s his fault!” and three of the four were disappointed. As the Empress, she needs no reason to justify her law, her law is hers. And all of us kowtowed to her. “Long live the wisdom of Her Imperial Majesty!” we chanted. 

It probably  _ is  _ his fault, more than others. Jia and Hung live on the opposite side of the mountains and Long’s got a hard enough time handling the crossroads of one trade route and a major artery of the southwest. That said, I pleaded that “maybe the  _ daofei  _ crisis should be managed by all those in attendance” but Toph repeated her statement. And her words are always final. After Her Imperial Majesty scolded them for acting like children, she stomped around in the mud because mud’s “awesome”, that I agree with, and back to the carriage for lunch. There, I had the opportunity to have a meeting with her. I’m perhaps the  _ only  _ person across the Four Nations who can have spontaneous meetings. 

“Your Majesty, we were  _ attacked  _ by the  _ daofei _ . That mountain range isn’t under any of their commanderies, for some reason. The maps say it's divided amongst them but I didn’t see any soldiers”. While devouring a piece of pig-chicken steak, fresh at that, she nodded. “Maybe it is, but wasn’t Deming a jerk?” she asked.  _ Right. I forgot about that guy _ . “He was, but aren’t the other commanderies just as responsible? Maybe not Gujia because it’s in the middle of nowhere, but Long and Jia both live in towns right along the mountains” I countered. “Maybe they  _ are  _ responsible. What am I supposed to do? Blame them all? I already did,” she said with her mouth full of food.  _ No? ...Yes?  _ “Why not grab the Imperial Seal and stamp a scroll and have them  _ all  _ contribute to a force to fight the  _ daofei _ ?” She partly ignored my question because she had to crawl past me to retrieve a bowl of rice. As having the Empress crawl around makes for wasted time, I grabbed it and passed it to her. Turns out she can’t see while on the bed. As for why her food is scattered about, the reason is pretty obvious. She’s the Empress.

“If you want to do that-”  _ Please don’t say ‘Then you’ with a prolonged you, ‘can go do it’ _ . “-then grab my Seal, draft a scroll, and we’ll review it”.  _ Oh.  _ I breathed a sigh of relief. I love mountains and am not a fan of fighting in such steep valleys. Unless I have skis. _ Thank the spirits, or rather- _ “Oh thank you, Your Majesty” and I tried to kowtow to her on the bed. “I was afraid you’d suggest I was to lead the daofei fighting force” and I got out of bed to go do a few jumps from how great it felt to not have to lead that campaign. “Oh?” and she sent a rock glove and I felt the back of my robe get tugged.  _ Oh… _ “You  _ are _ ”  _ Oh _ . “I am what?” I said, pretending I didn’t know what she was talking about. 

I was pulled back to her bed whereupon she laid a greasy hand on my cheek. “You  _ are  _ leading the daofei fighting force” and she ran her hand along my cheek. “Your Majesty, I thought I wasn’t” and she reached around and ran her greasy hand through my queue. “You won’t be leading the force against the  _ daofei  _ in the area around Omashu. That’d be stupid. No, you’re leading the army that’ll fight at the Gong pass”. “Your Majesty, but...they’re peasants...barely loyal peasants...” I partially pleaded, and she grinned. “You don’t need to kill anyone important. Just get me that trade route” she commanded. Her Imperial Majesty had a certain confidence, a certain down-to-earth charisma in her voice that...well… “As Your Majesty commands, it will be done,” I said, feeling passionately inspired. No matter how stupid the plan, I’d follow her until the bitter end. Or until my bitter end. And I got a proper shoulder punch for my honesty. A passionate shoulder punch.   


We set off for the pass that night. It might’ve taken one day by a four carriage train, outfitted to be aerodynamic, pushed by the greatest earthbenders in the world, but we had an army to go with us. And a badgermole. And the other couple dozen carriages to support carrying the few vehicles in our inventory. Plus, everytime Toph would walk through a wall to go visit Lord Qiangyang the entire monorail had to stop for safety reasons. Not her safety, everyone else’s. And when she’d stop to pet the adorably lovable badgermole, many of the soldiers,  _ even referring to them as soldiers, ha _ , would get off their monorails and kowtow to the pair. Plus I’d join her since “Kyoshi! He wants to feel you, too!” The two of us would get ‘felt’ by him, by felt I mean licked, and he’d spend some time enjoying our company. Maybe she’d take him for a stroll through a hill. Maybe he’d grumble and she’d understand that to mean “I’d like to teach you something” and the two would go off to pastureland and practice earthbending. She’d slide at him and he’d pull up rock walls. He’d crash and smash, sending rock columns at her, she’d slice them apart and continue. And so on. Quite fun to watch, especially with a goblet of a local fruity whiskey-flavored ale. 

We were supposed to go directly to the foot of the Gong Basili pass. Didn’t happen. We stopped at the town of Jishu in the Zaofu Valley, but a few hills from the ore mines, where we were going to converge with the Zaofu Army. Turns out Magistrate Ao of Wahee was facing his own problems and Gansu had to go, taking his army, and marched to Wahee Commandery. We met Lady Boshi of Jiancheng and her two thousand strong rearguard force. Toph checked her out and Boshi was telling the truth. Was Gansu committing treason? Not really. He was going to be the second force, not the vanguard. So if he wanted to go do his own thing, that’s allowed. And Boshi and he were maintaining frequent messenger hawk communication. And even worse, we had assumed the Gong Basili had a rail line. It didn’t. The last stop was Jishu. 

That night, Toph, I, Wuhan, Suki and all the officers; Jia, Long, Lee-Min, Hung, Lady Mo-Song and Lady Boshi got together and agreed that we’d march on foot, leaving Boshi’s force as garrison. The infantry, crossbows, benders and riders would advance south for the pass. As for the aircraft, they didn’t have much fuel and the next known airbase was Wulizhen, across the pass. Our armor, as little as it was, would be saved for our eventual battle at the Gong Basili pass. So a massive camp was erected where this...some fifteen thousand sized force, would remain for the night. 

Now, when we left Yahazhen the couple high-ranked officials had between them some ten thousand troops. The other five thousand were volunteers who joined up as we slowly progressed south. They came in bands of a few dozen at most. Most were but two dozen in size. Led by people like a young woman named Ru whose husband had already joined the levy, leading a band of twenty people from southern Yahazhen. Or Yuan and his band of thirty from southeastern Jiancheng. There may be one bender from their entire group, if any. They’d come with half as many ostrich horses if at all. 

Boshi provided us with the intelligence we had gathered on the daofei. A man named Dong-Ji, home commandery of Xinyang. He is a rotund forty-five year old man who wields a dao known as the “Blade of Dilara”, also called “the Swamp Trimmer” for it was by the hand of Dilara, some three hundred and fifty years ago, that a band of waterbenders was chased out of the commandery by the nonbender Dilara. The local legends say they still lurk beneath the canopy of the Great Swamp, but no expedition has been mounted by the Earth Empire since the reign of the Earth King Tian, the Forty-Eighth. And the general, Lee-Jing, who  _ did  _ attempt the expedition, walked into the swamp with a battalion of men. He returned, alone, and screaming of terrifying plants that cut his men in twain. Of hot days and icy cold nights. Of nocturnal terrors and of the Swamp producing its own  _ music _ . He later vanished into the Si Wong, wanting to get as far away from trees as possible for one to do. As for the Fire Nation? One of Sozin’s top Admirals, Kunyo of Hono Island, led a force of some five thousand naval firebenders into the Great Swamp. The whole contingent vanished. And Kunyo was no frail leader. He smashed the Southern Water Navy at Whaletail Island. It is said that Sozin wept for his longtime friend, “Kunyo, give me back my Southern Fleet! Where is it’s Admiral?” 

And the Great Swamp was on the western side of the Gong Basili. And to the east? The high, year-round, snow-covered peaks of the Nantu or Gaoling Mountains. Not as hard to cross as the Two Lovers, but still barely habited. Save a few hunting cabins and deserted villages, the only things inhabiting the mountains are tiger-moose and other montane animals. And the Gong Basili runs between the two.  _ Oh, how fun _ . I write this preceding our advance. Tomorrow, Zaofu. By next week, the Gong Basili. We don’t know what The Dong’s force is comprised of, but Boshi assured us it’s likely equal to ours.  _ And they have the home commandery advantage _ . 

So the next morning, we set out in traditional marching formation. I’d take the vanguard. Because when the Earth Empress tells you to lead the force, you  _ lead  _ the force. So I lead the force. And was named “Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Commander,” I already  _ had  _ the title but someone had to formally give it to me to remind these smelly farmers who’s shouts were to be listened to and who to die for. The vanguard was as follows: A hundred riders at the front in flying wedge, totalling a hundred. Ten by ten columns of nonbending infantry and crossbows, together, totalling four thousand. Two ten by ten groups of benders. One, a third of the way in, one, a third of the way from the rear. Another two hundred riders for the rearguard. I got sixty riders as a personal retinue. 

Toph would ride the massive Lord Qiangyang, personally, along with the rest of her force. She’d be in the middle of the main force. They’d mimic our formation, just larger. Two hundred riders, double the number of nonbending columns, double the number of benders. And she’d get the tanks and artillery. Long and Hung would join me and Suki would be my personal bodyguard. Each officer had sixty riders to their name. My Imperial Armor was fastened, a bow retrieved, my unique scabbard affixed to my side and my eyepatch was proud on my head. Toph gave me a shoulder punch for being “the craziest Kyoshi Islander” and she ordered a whiskey flask full of whiskey be given to me. I slung that on. Suki got her fans, katana and Kyoshi Warrior armor on.  _ The blood that flows through us crazy Southerners.  _

I beckoned this ostrich horse I barely knew to go forward. He did. The columns were formed and already began marching.  _ Ah, morningtime dew on the grass _ . As Suki and I, just the two of us, rode past the main force, the soldiers saluted us. Normally, they’d be drawing their dao or jians. But these men and women were bringing up their fists to salute. They  _ could  _ use their spears but it’d look like they were poking us instead of saluting us. As for spears, most were bamboo stakes. Toph smugly sat on her mount and grinned, not opting to wave to us because “you can see me, right? What’s the point?” She’s right, of course. 

We picked up in speed and caught up to the advance column as the Sun hid behind the mountains around Zaofu. We came upon and went into the Zaofu Valley. A winding river ran back and forth at the bottom of the valley. Steep mountains stretched to the sky on either side. The mountains themselves were acting as cloudbreaks, giving us a grand grey awning with which to march under. The peaks were heavily doused in seasonal snow, all the way down to the treeline. Which happened to be pretty far down the almost-cliffs of these peaks. Evergreen trees parted ways for an idyllic meadow. On one side of the meadow, jutting out from the mountains, were the Mines of Zaofu. Together, the ten mines produce more copper and tin than the rest of the South. Most of the mine facilities were built into the mountains. Halfway up a peak opposite from the mines was the Temple of Liubu. A small structure, surrounded by a small cluster of houses built into the mountain itself. The whole thing looked similar to Omashu except if the rest of the Peaks of Omashu were abandoned save one guy’s tea shop. So we walked into this valley. Marching songs were chanted. Songs of far-forgotten hills, of the villages these peasants came from. Of ostrich horses traversing the steppe lands. And all those marching songs, all those ballads, they distracted us. 

Suki and I joined Long near the center of the column. He had sent a rider to summon me to discuss a possible strategy. “So I’ll take my riders ahead to scout the Gong Basili” “Right, as Imperial Commander, I can grant you that.” “And once there, we’ll either scout and retreat or” and he grinned “maybe catch a few off guard, give ‘em the old smashing” and he laughed. I joined him in humor. He had a band of mounted  _ archers _ , not just regular riders. Sixty special riders atop ostrich horses with beaks painted red. Meanwhile, my men were regular ostrich horse riders armed with lances. Long himself had a spear with a small spike beneath the spearpoint. Originally a hunting spear, he modified it to suit his own poking needs. So we were riding along, maintaining pace with the columns. He and I were joking about archery. The two of us have something in common. We both would go down to the waterfront and hunt duck-geese. During a pause in our conversation, Suki turned to her side and faced the left peaks. She seemed to  _ fixate _ on something. “What is it, Sukes?” I said, joking. “Listen” she raised her hand. I stopped my ostrich horse. Long stopped his. I  _ might’ve _ made a joke about her being fixated on something, but I heard it too.  _ Trotting. Faint trotting.  _ I looked left, too. The mountains to our left had parted for a valley, one which met up with our larger one. 

I snapped my reins, turned around, and rode towards the middle of the column. “Spearwall! Form spearwall! Crossbows behind spearwall!” I cried as I rode along. The soldiers who were marching, all cheerfully, seemed to panic. “Horn!” and one of the men in my sixty-man band handed me the horn. I hit it with everything I had. Each ten by ten column had one or two assigned to lead it, and they redirected my orders. I reached one of the bender formations and their officer ran up to me. “Take your benders, form a wall in front of the spearwall!” A simple nod and she was pointing at the forming spearwall and shouting. I made sure my helmet was tightened. The trotting got near. Another horn, a different horn, sounded from atop the hill. 

The three lines formed. The stone wall was raised. It wasn’t a full wall but hundreds of small, person-wide, slabs. A spear jutted out from between each. Then another four lines of spears behind those. Then four lines of crossbows. Long and Hung were running around. Hung was somewhere at the far rear of the column, Long near the front. He was doing hand signals and his riders drew four arrows and put them in their bow hand. Then, from over the hillside, a  _ wave  _ of ostrich horse riders. With one rotund man wearing one long quail-pheasant feather on his helmet, jutting straight up.  _ Dong-Ji _ . And he screamed something. And the entire wave began chanting in a  _ deep  _ voice. 

“Your Majesty, get back to Her Imperial Majesty” Long begged. “No. Her Imperial Majesty commanded I hold” I told him, and I rode off. “You’re the  _ Consort,  _ not one of these peasants!” Suki continued as she caught up to me. Said peasants were shaking. “I’m not leaving” I said, still serious. “We’re about to get overrun,” she said, quite aptly. And also fearing for both our lives. The hillside bellowed a deep chant. I grabbed my whiskey flask, uncapped it, and downed but a single gulp. I drew my jian. I saw Suki’s look. It was one of “you’re insane, but then again so am I” and she followed me. “Crossbows!” and I pointed the jian at the oncoming wave. “Loose!” and a thousand crossbows made a single, loud, launching noise. 

The bolts didn’t all find their marks, but enough _did_. The first two lines of his riders were filled with bolts. Ostrich horses buckled,  _ daofei _ were sent flying off. Most were trampled by other riders. Others took bolts as their mounts did. I’d guess we killed some hundred riders. But there was still  _ another hillside of them _ . Only at that moment did I go  _ that whole hillside is just riders. And they haven’t stopped coming _ . “Loose!” and another volley went. As they neared, the last of the riders came over the ridge.  _ Ah, so we’re only partially swamped _ . Wrong. Twelve Tundra Tanks. Painted black with three green circles on the top. As the riders were but some hundred paces from us, the tanks opened fire. And stone shells rained upon our line. But not erratically, almost...coordinated. One section, not far from me, took a stone shell in the middle of the mass. Then another three. So four of those tanks had agreed on hitting  _ one spot _ in the line. And together, they brutally axed a hole into our spearwall. And  _ that’s  _ where the riders hit.

I didn’t see the rest because I was riding to the front of the column. “Your Majesty” Suki said, questioning. I pointed at those tanks. “We’re going to hit them”. She gave me this...stare. But carried on riding. The bottom two thirds of the hillside was empty meadowland. The top third was sparse evergreens. Montane evergreens. Thin and tall. And the tanks had positioned themselves just above the treeline on a small piece of open grass. Looking back on our line for but a moment,  _ surely, the riders were suicidally plowing themselves into stone walls _ . Or were they? Some of them must have been earthbenders, for they destroyed the earth wall and fell upon the spears. “Riders! With me!” I called out to the vanguard riders who had taken up a position to guard the flank. 

A hundred and sixty riders. All were lancers. Twenty five had lances with the Earth Empire’s flag on a pennant. I pointed at the tanks and the riders galloped forward. I don’t think there was any organization, just ‘reach those tanks’. We climbed up the open meadow first. As we reached the treeline, a shell struck the left side of our mass. “Spread out!” and we became as wide as the hillside. We had to run between thin spruce, thankfully there wasn’t much underbrush. Tank shells struck the trees to our side as opposed to more of our men. And that’s when the tanks decided to... _ go forward? _ They hit their throttles and went into the woods. 

During the final years of the Hundred Year War, the Fire Nation experimented and would eventually develop the Tundra Tank. It was the spearpoint unveiled during General Iroh’s two year long campaign. After landing in Gaolan, partway between the Great Divide, the Si Wong and the Serpent’s Pass, he personally led elements of the First Armored Division around the West Lake, over to a crossing in Weinan, over the Hejiagou River using new river crossing technology, into Xijiang, then over the Yanbian and into Nanchang. While his advance was ‘like a lightning bolt’, it was not without resistance. 

The once Magistrate of Weinan was a man named Shuizo. Being half-’barbarian’, he loved his hunts. And being half-lowlander, he had extensive experience with ostrich horses. He used to take his court up the Hejiagou on seasonal, monthly in summer, hunts. When he was informed of General Iroh’s approach, he mustered his entire province’s supply of ostrich horses. He gave them out to hunters and foresters. While the rest of the Kingdom was being smashed, with commanderies being overrun in mere weeks, he prepared. When Iroh crossed the Da Xinjiang, which connects the West Lake to the North Sea, Shuizo gave his orders. Anyone with an ostrich horse and the experience would join him in a valiant rearguard while the rest of the region retreated towards Ba Sing Se.

At the Da Xinjiang crossing, one of Shuizo’s lieutenants was killed by a bolt of flame. Another was killed by a ballista. Iroh personally held back at the crossing, opting to wait for the rest of his infantry to catch up lest he be cut off and surrounded. The job of capitulating the rest of Weinan went to Prince Lu Ten and his “Flying Rhinos,” the First Armored. And he led his tanks on. They came upon the Fanhui Wood, a region surrounding the temple of Fanhui and containing one of the only paved roads east. A few day’s ride further east was Na Ni Mo Jia, Shuizo’s home and the capital of the entire Weinan region.

As Lu Ten rode through the forest, Shuizo sprung his trap. Lu Ten struggled to get through the forest due to the trees. But Shuizo? Ostrich horses can bob and weave between trees with ease. And that’s exactly what he did. With two thousand riders, he assaulted four hundred tanks. Riders clambered on top of tanks and began stabbing the occupants. Bolts were useless if they’d strike trees. Any tanks submerged in the woods were killed. Lu Ten pulled his forces back to the plains to the west. The next day, he set the woods on fire. And as the trees burned, Shuizo’s riders converged on the tank column once again. 

When the bodies were finally counted, a thousand of his men were dead. And he personally dueled Lu Ten and took a fire dagger to the throat. On the other hand, three hundred fifty of Lu Ten’s vehicles were destroyed. The pass was blocked. And to the east, the evacuees could flee to Ba Sing Se. Weinan wouldn’t be taken for another month. Fire Nation propaganda, which penetrated the Earth Kingdom quite well, spoke of “ostrich horses charging tanks”. Just another lie by Iroh -for Iroh was just as clever as his father, and as ruthless as his grandfather- to drive the Earth Kingdom into a state of panic. It’s incorrect. Shuizo had perhaps the greatest death one can hope to achieve in such a bleak situation. And unlike what the Fire Nation believed, and because Zuko probably doesn’t know the truth, still do, no rider ever charged a tank with a lance on an open plain. They used the forest for cover. And even when the forests burned, they kept up the gait. No Rider of Weinan ever saw Ba Sing Se, or their homes, again. Thousands of riders fought successive rearguards, biding, at times, days, more time. The entirety of Nanchang, all million of them, have these five thousand men and women to thank for still being alive. And it is to the absolutely mad Riders of Weinan to whom I thought of for my equally insane charge. I remembered them. If they could do it, so could we. The difference was, his troops were expert riders. My...one hundred and sixty, though it became one hundred and forty pretty quickly, aren’t.

So we bobbed and weaved through trees. Shells struck more trees than struck us. And as the tanks came into the woods, they became bogged down in the trees. Their turrets couldn’t move. The steepness of the hillside may have trapped them, but the Tundra Tank can drive forwards and backwards, even upside down.  _ Oh the cleverness of the Fire Nation _ . Our numbers were diminished further, but we had reached the tanks. I pointed at the top of the turrets and yelled “break off!” and groups of four, five, ten, went after each tank. Sure, one or two might get their chests caved in by a shell, but even more would get on top. And the soldiers inside were dragged out and chopped to pieces. I held Suki back from leading her own charge when I looked back down the hill and noticed the situation. 

Our spear line was folding inwards on itself. Groups had formed circles of spears around crossbows. Some of our men were melting away. And up here, with only forty casualties total, we had defeated the three-man artillery that was shelling our lines. “Riders!” and the riders whooped. “Form line” and Suki went “you’re not actually going to charge that...right?” and I pulled a Toph grin.  _ I am.  _ “Well, make sure to leave some for me!” and she laughed, quietly. One of the fallen riders had a pennanted lance, so I dismounted, sheathed my jian, and took it. One of the riders obtained a three circled pennant and I stuffed it into my armor. I gave my flask to Suki and she took a gulp from it. 

I used the moments we had to regroup. I had us spread out to be about thirty by four. From there, we descended back down the hillside. We could barely trot, let alone anything more. As we rode, I looked off to the north,  _ hoping _ , the reinforcements were...reinforcing. They weren’t. Maybe they’d be but a single finger of time away, didn’t matter. We finally busted through the tangle of evergreens. “Lower lances!” I shouted. Probably a bad idea, as we’d attract the attention of the  _ daofei _ .  _ Oh, who cares. Either they die or we do _ . “For the Earth Empire!” I yelled. “For the Earth Empire!” they repeated. Including Suki. “Ten Thousand Years!” I screamed,  _ now  _ they noticed, and couched my lance. Our twenty wide line broke into a full gallop.  _ Kyoshi, give me some wits _ . "Ten Thousand Years!" the force shouted as one. As _one_.  


The  _ daofei  _ didn’t see us coming. Probably because we weren’t screaming right before our attack.  _ Like a certain Water Tribesman who thinks ‘surprise’ means ‘scream’ _ . Judging by that  _ wait-you’re-a-enemy _ look people sometimes give right before taking a boulder, or sword, or something like that, to the face, all our riders got a hit. My lance took someone’s arm clean off before snapping in half. And after my lance snapped, I took the broken, couchable end, and planted it in someone’s chest. Then I drew my blade.  _ Parry, parry, slash _ . Suki, amazingly, one-upped us all by drawing her fans and jumping from mount to mount like some kind of crazy gymnast. Was she doing anything important? I don’t know. Because I heard a certain deep voice and  _ knew  _ I had to find it. 

A  _ daofei  _ tried hitting my chest with a blade but I laughed it off before trading the blow with him.  _ And that’s why we wear armor _ . Behind him? The bloated glutton. “Yeu!” he meant to say “you” but bastardized it. “Me” and I waved. Then I noticed the  _ size  _ of his blade. It cut my ostrich horse’s head off with a single swipe. He came down with another strike and  _ piiiiiiiing! _ Our blades clashed. Other  _ daofei  _ noticed the two of us engaged in a duel and  _ backed away.  _ They aren't dumb . As he swung the tree-trunk sized blade around, I could only jump backwards. Before either of us knew it, it seemed like the whole field cleared for us. It wasn’t. They were just staying in a tree-trunk length away circle. Her Imperial Majesty’s men were fighting his. He came at me with another strike. I jumped out of the way. The size of the blade meant his swings took time.  _ Just enough _ , I thought. So I ran at him and barely got a slash off at his leg. He didn’t take kindly to that, tried to come at me with a strike but failed, and retreated.  _ Live to fight another day, I guess _ . He stole someone’s ostrich horse and rode off, his riders in tow. And I was there, coughing-laughing. 

I looked around at the field of fallen. Zaofu will never be forgotten. 

_ Another day, Dong. Another day. _

_ I'm always up for round two, you coward _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Mori returns to finish the Dong off.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (or: No, this one won't be full of euphemisms):  
> -This chapter follows our characters through the plains of the southwestern Earth Empire.   
> -Yahazhen is south, southeast of Omashu but north-northeast of the Great Swamp.   
> -Shantian is a temple in Yangxi Commandery.  
> -The people of the southwest, being abandoned by the Earth Kings for a hundred years, really appreciate their arrival to solve their daofei problem  
> -Omashuan Ethics only gets a name because of how popular it is as a spirituality. Other spiritualities, despite also being distinct with their own beliefs, don't have the amount of fame, or the distinctive characters of Oma and Shu, that Omashuan Ethics has.   
> -Anwar is northeast of Omashu. Gujia is east of Omashu. Xiejia is south of Omashu. Yangxi is southwest of Omashu and the commandery that wraps around the southern side of the Two Lovers' Mountains. Yahazhen is further south of the rest.  
> -It does not take six men to toss a rock. There is no six-man dance troupe in these walls. Here we are safe. Here we can party.  
> -Stomping around in mud is not acting like a child. You're a child.
> 
> -No matter what, Mori will follow Toph's commands to the end. She's the Empress and he swore to protect her.  
> -Zaofu is north of the Gong pass. Wahee is to the east of Zaofu along the northern side of the Gaoling Mountains.  
> -Fifteen thousand troops is tiny for an Earth Empire operation, but considering only a few commanderies were mustered and a small quota from each, it's a moderately sized force for the region.  
> -Dong-Ji is based in part on the famed, bloated, tyrannical, Dong Zhuo from Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Except this time, he's a daofei lord.  
> -The Great Swamp is what happens if Vietnam was in the Bayou. One day, you may even read a chapter where a certain Emperor leads an expedition into the Great Swamp. Fortunate Son will get it's day to play.  
> -'Where is my Southern Fleet' is a reference to Emperor Augustus shotuing 'Quintillius Varus, give me back my legions!" upon learning of Varus' death and defeat at Teutoborg Forest. Meaning the Great Swamp also has elements of Germania in it.  
> -'The Dong' is how people will refer to him. Because...he's the Dong. Dong needs no introduction. He will Expand Dong into you. Thanks very mature Magistrates.
> 
> -The Dong wearing a single quail-pheasant feather is a reference to Lu Bu's style of two long pheasant feathers, since I wanted to merge the badass duelist and the tyrannical man into one person. King Bumi's design is actually based on Lu Bu (except much older).  
> -The story of the legendary Riders of Weinan contain references to the fierce Polish Cavalry who resisted the Nazi Blitz. Thick forests rewarded the cavalry and contrary to popular stereotypes, they did not all die overnight. They fought hard against the Nazis and they chose death over dishonor. "Za naszą i waszą wolność!" "For our freedom and yours!"   
> -That said, the battle of the Fanhui Wood contains some references to the use of cavalry and charging tanks. No man was stupid enough to attack a machine gun head on. For more information, ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_cavalry#Cavalry_charges_and_propaganda ). Likewise, hundreds of tanks were not destroyed in one battle in the real Invasion of Poland. But that's where creative liberties can be applied. 
> 
> -Mori and Dong will duel again next chapter.


	8. A Smashing at the Gong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes go from one battle to another. Mori proves his title of "The One-Eyed Badgermole" one more time.

Chapter Seventy-Four:

I remember sitting on my knees, looking around the battlefield. Zaofu. Chimneys from the mines -and their built in refineries- belched out smoke. A gong was ringing out on the temple across from us, up on the side of the mountain. I remember bringing up my finger and pointing at the cluster of houses.  _ Were those green dots? _ I think the grass was watching us from on high. Suki found me sitting there amidst a pile of dead and was giving one of those forced laughs. “Well that was fun”  _ Indeed, it was _ .

There were ostrich horses running all over. But a few Consort's feet in front of me, a spear wall of peasants were eyeing me. They were still quivering in their positions, their bamboo stakes shaking despite there being no wind. I grabbed the dirt I was on. Upturned. This was where the stone wall was. A dead  _ daofei _ to my side had a crossbow bolt in his face. He scowled at me from his sad predicament. And I smiled down at him. And I grabbed my whiskey flask, uncapped it, and handed it to Suki. “Kyoshi would say ladies first” I said, breathing heavily. Suki let out a single “ha” and snatched it out of my hand. “I am a lady” she pronounced.  _ You are.  _ And the two of us sat there. She drank most of the flask up and I had but a few drops left. The peasants were still standing over  _ there _ . “Oh, break line and be people!” I said one of my inner thoughts out loud. A man wearing an Imperial Army uniform -the usual Imperial Army uniform- did some hand signaling and the line ceased. The men and women began walking amongst the crowd. A few came up to Suki and I went “Your Majesty, I have water in my pouch” and offered it. My mind flashed back to a different engagement. A different war. “No need, Wuhan, the waterbending girl is just around the corner!” then Suki grabbed it from this woman with a long ponytail’s hand and shoved it into my face. “Drink up, Your Majesty”. And I did. 

We didn’t move. A small crowd formed around the two of us, kowtowing because they had nothing better to do. I heard hoofbeats and thought, for but a moment, that maybe Dong was returning for a second match. “Back again, Dong!” I shouted and got up. Instead, the red-beak of Magistrate Long-Fei and his mounted archers. He stopped his mount next to me and brought up his hands to bow. “I’m glad to see Your Majesty is doing well” and I pointed at my eye. “I’m glad to see, too” and I laughed. He offered an ostrich horse, I denied it. I pulled the small three-circle pennant out of my waist and examined it. Three circles in a straight line. Same size. The personal banner of whoever this guy was. For some reason, only now, did I notice that everyone had a personal banner. 

The concept of a personal banner is not foreign to the Earth Empire. Quite often, the unifying banner, the Earth Empire’s flag, would be all over. In the case of this battlefield, spears jutted out of the ground marked with the green and golden coin. But there were also personal banners. They would allow commanders to tell one group of green-clothed people from another. Now, in the Imperial Armies, I never recall seeing an individual banner. But that’s probably because Song, Fong, How, Zhi and Jun prohibited such things in the name of unity. And the Imperial Army, even back when it was the Royal Army, was not supposed to be a 'personal' provinicial army. It was the Earth King's army and representative of the entire Kingdom. But down here? Far from Ba Sing Se? People had personal banners.

Long-Fei’s troops, the troops of Xiejia, bore lances with a flag of a red ostrich horse on a green -same green as the Earth Empire flag- background. His red-beaked ostrich horses were just  _ that  _ distinct, I guess. Hung, who was far at the rear of the column, had a white mountain goat-sheep, running, on a green background. I don’t know what the plains of Gujia have to do with white goat-sheep but there’s probably an ancient, well versed, reason. Most of the riders trotting about had lances with these flags on their tips. Local towns may have their own local flags, but there’s so many that I couldn’t possibly name them all. And, again, all these troops were accompanied with bannermen and women bearing the standard Earth Empire flag. For a commander, it’s quite helpful. For a soldier,  _ well as long as you know which guy shouting is supposed to be your leader, it’s fine _ .

I saw Long and his retinue run further down the valley and engage some of the  _ daofei  _ which were dismounted. His mounted archers picked them off at range. Hung was busy circling around the rear. And  _ someone  _ was supposed to be commanding the center, but as there must’ve only been a thousand people walking about, that’s small enough for one person to order around.  _ And no, I’m not going to do that. I need some sleep _ . A single man dressed like an earthbender walked past, noticed me, and kowtowed. “Stone seats?” I asked and he pulled two small columns out of the ground to give Suki and I something to relax on. 

We sat there, the Sun just now choosing to beat on us. More water was offered to either of us but I kept telling people to drink up. From hundreds, ten or so men and women would gather around a single flag. The riders I had gone with were  _ mostly  _ alive. That is, about half were riding about. Levies walked through the field, looting whatever they could find. Blades. Fancier scabbards. Sometimes helmets or pieces of armor. Pendants. Bracers. I saw one woman retrieve a topknot pin that had a silver earth coin on it. Everyone was grabbing flasks they found. Some had water, some didn’t. One guy I watched retched from drinking something so potent it wasn’t for his wine-tongue. He offered it to a woman and she told him “oh, that’s just whiskey” and Suki and I burst into laughter. We were having a wonderful time until the horns sounded and I heard the clatter of hoofbeats.  _ Not again. _ I got up and drew my blade. This time, the lead lancer had the flag of two black crossed dao on a green background. 

_ Yahazhen. Reinforcements.  _ “Reinforcements have arrived!” and the valley cheered in one valley-spanning wave. I sheathed my blade and I began laughing. “Why are you laughing?” Suki asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.  _ I guess all the fighting’s returning to my head _ . “You think...if this was Black Sun, I bet Aang would talk The Dong to death”. That got a slight chuckle from her. I don’t know at what point I started calling him  _ The  _ Dong as opposed to Dong but I guess he’s the  _ one and only _ Dong. So the riders, actually riding quickly, raised their lances as they began circling us. Circling and circling. I’d probably faint from the circling. One person, not carrying a lance, rode through the circle and up to us. Then I noticed the ponytail. 

“Lady Mo-Song” I bowed to her. “Your Majesty!” she said, panicked. “Thank the spirits!” she also said, also panicked.  _ Oh yes, thank them. Don’t thank our troops _ . “Where...is the rest of the vanguard?”  _ I recognize that voice, _ came the voice of Onku the Younger, riding up next to his mom. She saved me the trouble of pointing at something by pointing at the field. Onku looked amazed. “I’m guessing you haven’t killed a man?” I offered while beneath him. “That’s correct, Your Majesty”, he said, determined. He looked passionate to do something violent. But it was a innocent, naive kind of passion. The stupid kind. I pointed at the right side of my face. “Don’t get into duels you can’t win” I remarked as I walked past him. The entire circle of riders stopped in their place and the one in front of me dismounted, offering me an ostrich horse. “I appreciate it, but I’ll walk. Alone, please.” and I walked. “Your Majesty, any instructions?” Mo-Song called out, trying to be respectful while also shouting. “I want reconnaissance” I asked and I proceeded to trip on a dead  _ daofei _ . “For all your reconnaissance, you still have one-eye” Suki said, laughing at my plight.  _ Hey, we all have slip ups sometimes _ . “One eye needs twice the reconnaissance” I quipped. “That’s stupid”  _ You’re right, Sukes _ . 

A couple  _ daofei  _ that survived had been captured by riders bearing a flag with a white hand on a green background,  _ Yangxi _ . They were being escorted back, in ropes, to the main force. And Suki and I, just the two of us, walked up to the top of the ridge parting one valley from another and looked down at...the rest of the army. And we were closer than we thought. The infantry formation that was in the process of ascending the hill spotted us and someone called out that I had arrived. More people from Xiejia. Then the whole group kowtowed. Then the hundred behind them, more people from Xiejia. Behind them stood one of the formations of earthbenders. And behind them?  _ Roar _ . “Kyooooooshi!” the cry of the mighty Empress atop Lord Qiangyang.  


I scoffed, grabbed the last of the water, and walked down into the valley. I didn’t have the energy to run. I walked through the columns of a hundred, making them split decently well down the middle for me.  _ At least they know how to split properly. Kind of _ . As I passed, they’d kowtow. Sort of kowtow. The benders halted and took a step to either side, actually giving me an aisle to march down. And they kowtowed correctly. The  _ daofei _ prisoners were being brought along on my right, or the left flank, by means of ostrich horses. Another roar and Toph marched her mounted forward.

_ Liiiiick _ . Lord Qiangyang stuck his tongue out and gave my dirty face a good cleaning. Toph slid off her companion and came face-to-chest with me. “Kyoshi! You’re not dead! Sweet!” and I got a  _ hug _ .  _ Ow. Stop squeezing my chest.  _ “No. I’m not. I guess we won” and I allowed her the moment to enjoy squeezing my chest. “We’re not near any foreigners, right?” she whispered. “No” I responded, also whispering. “ _ Sweet _ ” and she stayed in the hug. Suki walked around behind Toph and giggled. “And you think Sokka is-” she cracked a joke, only to get interrupted. “Sokka would explode into seal jerky giblets” I finished the joke for her. All around us, the marching force stopped to kowtow. And Lord Qiangyang tapped the ground and made Suki spin around in place. “Oh” was all she could say before getting licked. “Isn’t Qiang the best? Tell me he’s the best” Toph insisted while shoving her head in my chest.  _ Ow.  _ “Qiang is the best! Qiang is the best!” Suki blurted out. “Qiang, lick Kyoshi. Captain Kyoshi” and her badgermole obeyed, licking Suki some more. 

Toph dragged me over to Lord Qiangyang, who knew by Toph’s own teaching that “tall nonbender approaching” means to drop a arm to let “stupid tall nonbender climb up.” And I climbed up, without assistance. What an achievement! Once on top, Toph switched back to Earth Empress voice and “Forward march!”  _ because that needed to be said, I guess _ . She sat in front of me. “But...there’s nothing to hold on to” I said, fearing falling off again. “Don’t worry. Qiang makes rides so nice and soft, don’t you?” and she petted the fur in front of where she sat. He roared for good measure. Suki, being a Kyoshi Warrior,  _ ran  _ up Lord Qiangyang while he was walking. 

“So Kyoshi, how did the battle go? Hold on let me get a feel” and she rubbed her hand all over my face “I feel that you’re still in one piece.”  _ I know you’re just doing that because it’s fun _ . “You only did that because Lord Qiangyang licked me-” I argued “-and I love his licks-” she confirmed, “Exactly” I concluded. “So what happened?” she inquired while, not even needing to do anything, and Qiang would keep shuffling.  _ Hmm. I need to put this in Toph-speak _ . “We walked forward, a man named Dong hit us in the side, and we hit him in the side.” “What you’re saying is, you  _ got it from the side _ ?” she asked, giggling like a schoolgirl. “I…” and exhaling with part annoyance, part disappointment, all cluelessness, “yes, Your Majesty. But then we...banged...him from the side.” and I tossed my hands up after hearing Toph giggle and ran through what I just said. “Why do I set myself up for these” I asked, sounding like Sokka. “I don’t know, but it’s great” She responded, then turned to the side to hit me with a shoulder punch. 

“Would you say...Dong expanded into you?” she asked me.  _ I know where this is going and I’m not going to like it, am I? _ “I...Your Majesty. He tried expanding but we...pressed back against his attempts” I said, unaware of the situation I was putting myself into. “So would you say you struggled?” she said, sarcasm seeping from her every word.  _ How is that even...oh forget it _ . “We didn’t struggle. Our center broke but we came at his forces from the back and-” but I paused myself because of what I just said. “So you like it from behind? That’s great, I’ll be sure to-”  _ Nope. Kyoshi help me _ . “What would Katara say if she was here?” I interrupted, changing the subject, kind of, to save the surrounding field of soldiers their collective composures. “She’d be all ‘that’s disgusting’”  _ Wait Suki you’ve been here the whole time _ ? Oh wait,  _ that’s  _ where the giggling behind me was coming from. “Well would she be wrong?” I said one of those pesky inner thoughts out loud again. Toph laughed and pretended to have Katara’s voice. “Of course she’s wrong, there’s nothing ‘disgusting’ about things and behinds and if she wants to become the future Air Nomad breeding factory she better learn-” “Our vanguard has been destroyed” I cut her off, yet again. I know I'm not supposed to cut off my Empress but come on...  


Did that diminish her laughter? Not really. “So toss another vanguard in there. Back to Katara and behinds-” but I stopped her again. “What vanguard? Our scouts, did we even have any, claimed his force was dismounted”. Toph tossed her hands out “I don’t know! That’s all these officer’s jobs” and she pointed at the columns of troops, or where she thought they were.  _ And mine. It’s my fault, isn’t it _ . “Your Majesty, I’d be happy to accept their faults as mine” I said, willing to accept the fury of the Empress.  _ Oh you honorable fool why do you say such things.  _ But Toph was all “you? Ahahahaha” and laughing. 

“But why? Is this not my-” I cut myself off because o _ h be quiet, you _ . “Why would it be your fault” and she turned to pinch my cheek.  _ Thanks for the pinch of approval _ . “You’re leading an army of idiots” she said, quietly.  _ Note to self, never forget the wits of the Empress.  _ “I only had you lead it because there’s nobody else here...” and she waved her hands about “...who I can trust, or has any experience”  _ But...Onku is twice my age and Long-Fei-  _ “Long-Fei has an experienced hereditary group of ranged riders, Lee-Min’s been dealing with  _ daofei  _ his whole life-” I stated, but she raised a hand. “Stop lying. I know that’s a lie. These people can’t agree on who’s to blame for a simple  _ daofei  _ issue. That doesn’t exactly scream ‘intelligent military commanders’ to me. You remember Song? He was a military commander. Fong? How? I don’t really remember the other two but those guys were  _ commanders _ . They’d shout and the entire Palace would stand at attention.”  _ Note to self, never doubt the memory of someone who can dedicate her entire memory to verbal remarks since she's got nothing else to look at _ . “Now, you’re not them, but unlike  _ these  _ people, I  _ trust  _ you. I know that if I tell you to attack something, you’ll attack it” she said, in her own less bossy compassionate tone, while running a hand through her bangs. “But these people aren’t disloyal-” I stated, but she cut me off again, “-you’re right, they’re just dumb”. And that comment made Suki chuckle. “Your Majesty! The  _ daofei  _ we captured are here!” someone shouted from below us. Toph pressed on my shoulder and jumped off Lord Qiangyang, sticking the landing. 

In a moment, she went from being the compassionate, even-if-compassion-means-screaming Toph to the Empress of the entire Earth continent. “You” and she grabbed some guy that was squirming about. “You helped this big guy named Dong  _ penetrate  _ my forces” and she grabbed him with rock gloves. “Tell us everything and I might ignore the thousands of dead, loyal, men and women, in that valley over there” she yelled at top outside voice. He squirmed some more. “We’ll never tell you anything”  _ Oh, you fool _ and he kicked the ground and broke his grip free with earthbending. But before Suki or I could intervene, Lord Qiangyang came down with a single swipe of his left talon and  _ cut that man’s skull open _ . I patted Lord Qiangyang behind the ear. He went from a furious growl to a less furious small roar of happiness. While the ex- _ daofei _ twitched and bled out on the ground, the other prisoners looked like they just saw Avatar Kyoshi engage the Avatar State. They bowed their heads. “Whatever you want, just...please don’t...I don’t want to die like Ziri.” Toph flashed her crafty grin. Inspired, “if you mess with the Blind Bandit, you’ll face the Badgermole” I quipped, and Suki cheered. “That could refer to Lord Qiangyang, or you, or Her Imperial Majesty” Suki, being Suki, pointed out. And that made me, followed by Toph, cheer . “Good one, Kyoshi. Remember that” and I felt the need to write it down. I couldn’t because I was sitting on top of a badgermole, but mentally I could. 

The other five were a waterfall of information. Mythical badgermoles tend to do that to people. The Dong’s infantry force was holed up blocking the Gong Basili pass at its narrowest point, an area south of Tuman. On one side, the Great Swamp, on another, the Nantu Mountains. The walkable part is some thirty men wide which sounds like a lot but when one has an army in the hundreds or thousands, that means only thirty -assuming they’re in tight formation- can attack at one time. He’s also got a force “of something in the ten thousand range” but it seems like mere  _ daofei  _ foot soldiers wouldn’t know the exact details. Plus three of these people can’t even count. These five have no idea what the status of the Southlands is, stating “we came north, another group defends the south”. Dong also has underling officers, one of which, a bearded man named Aiwei, was the leader of his cavalry contingent and likely died today. Another, a warrior named Wang, is his main infantry commander. They claim that “if you kill Dong the whole army will break” and Toph, like with the rest of this, confirmed it’s the truth. Does that mean it’s true or that they believe it to be true? We don’t know. As I heard them say “duel Dong” I imagined... _ well I already know who’s going to be picked as the Earth Empress’s champion _ . 

They helpfully assisted us with certain details about his army. His troops are comprised of Protectorate deserters, a group of nonbending Fire Nation soldiers -all the benders were killed for being firebenders- and a large force of ex-garrison troops from the area. They were complemented with the usual bands of vagrants and highwaymen. Many of these soldiers were experienced ostrich horse riders. The thing is, they are unified by The Dong’s wishes for gold and glory. Without him, these  _ daofei  _ think the army would break into warring groups of hundreds, loyal to wherever they came from. Finally, each one agreed that “Dong’s got an encampment. No walls. Anti-air surface-to-air rocks.” Meaning we couldn’t come in with our aircraft. I guess even the  _ daofei  _ have learned what potential the skies can hold. 

“For your service to the Earth Empire, I pardon all five of you, but only if you kowtow before me, right here, right now” and the five, not wanting to die, agreed. After they kowtowed, Toph took me to the side -I had to dismount first- and said “so, what do you suggest we do with them?” and I said “maybe send them to Ba Sing Se? The Dai Li could use information on the South.  _ Accurate  _ information” and she found that sufficient. I drafted a scroll with each of their names and their facial features -in case they wanted to pretend to be someone else- and instructions for them to meet the Head of the Dai Li on “matters concerning the Southlands” and stamped it with the Imperial Seal. I was supposed to go through Grand Secretariat Han but I have some choice words for Han and I’d rather not deal with him again.  _ You and I will have some things to talk about when I eventually get back there.  _ If only I wasn’t on a military campaign, that man would  _ pay  _ for Caldera. He’s going to pay. Kyoshi likes justice, and sometimes justice calls for ensuring  _ everyone  _ remembers what happens to ambitious liars. Nonetheless, the five men were given fifty soldiers to go with them -who happened to be members of the Imperial Army who had fought at Zaofu and earned the break- and together they’d take the next train headed north. One day they might actually get to Ba Sing Se.

The whole day was spent marching south. Much of the army halted to deal with the remains of the battlefield. The local temple’s priests descended from their abode and kowtowed to Toph. She ordered each person of the Earth Empire to be given a resting place on the mountain slope next to the temple. Earth Priests, being earthbenders, worked all day along with the bending contingent of our forces to try and give everyone a final resting place. Most of these people’s names are forgotten to the winds. Only the nobility carry passports. It didn’t matter. Man, woman, officer, soldier, levy, they’d all be side-by-side. The priests held a prayer ceremony to the fallen and I’m sure the Battle of Zaofu will not be forgotten. Such a beautiful piece of land. Such a bloodbath. Most of the vanguard  _ was  _ dead. The ones that survived were, a majority, riders, and some groups of infantry that formed circles and held for long enough. 

A war meeting was called that night. We reached a hill preceding the ‘Gates of the Pass’, the temple of Tuman. A large stone structure was erected and a local map laid out. Our full complement of officers joined us. Jia, Zei of Fanggao in Anwar, Long-Fei, Lee-Min, Guo of Shantain in Yangxi, Hung, Onku and Lady Mo-Song, Lady Boshi and finally Gun of Jiaokeng in Jiangcheng. Toph sat back on a stone seat, picking her toes. One of the officer’s sub officers was questioning  _ why  _ Toph was picking her toes -granted she didn’t have to do it on the stone table we were using but she was also over on her own section of the table- she brought up her hand and waved it in front of her face. Whatever officer’s sub officer who made that comment felt really stupid, kowtowed and revealed himself, and had his behind tossed into the next province over. Correction, kicked through a wall, grabbed by two waiting Imperial Army soldiers -sadly not the Dai Li- and dragged off to somewhere else. She couldn’t be bothered to try someone for making fun of her, after all we had a war to win. But she  _ could  _ embarrass him. 

Long-Fei and Hung’s forces were massively depleted in this preceding battle. As such, the roles were reversed and now they were going to be the rearguard. As for Long’s red-beaked riders? “We believe your riders would work better as a fast moving response force capable of crossing the entire valley in a few strides, as a tight pass would render their flanking useless”. He agreed with this. We moved on to the forces we could use for tomorrow’s battle. 

Lee-Min had a large number of crossbow-wielders. And many of them have a pinch of experience as city, town and trade port watch. Nothing counters a pirate like a hundred crossbowmen. For tomorrow’s battle, his crossbows would provide the main ranged force. Onku asked “why not use benders” and I asked each present officer “how many of your benders are capable at long range artillery?” and received answers like “ten”, “maybe twenty”, “fifteen if I stretch it” and so on. Just because someone  _ can  _ bend doesn’t mean they can toss a boulder across a mountain. As for the infantry, Onku and Jia were told to use their infantry to block -okay we didn’t say ‘you’re going to be boulder paste’ but that’s what we were thinking- a sally by Dong. Lady Boshi would bring her infantry up in reserve. 

Some petty remarks to note. Jia was jealous that Onku would be leading the infantry assault and volunteered his entire force. And we accepted it. Onku  _ is  _ the only one of these officials with any strategic sense. He pointed out that we’d need to form a tight spearwall with bender support at the front, otherwise Dong’s forces could overrun us. He also suggested benders be assigned to form stone shields, cover, for the crossbows to loose bolts from behind. We accepted his propositions. Hung got angry when he thought he heard a sub officer of Long-Fei’s talk about Hung’s fear of fighting. So Hung’s paranoid  _ and _ quick to anger. And he’s only twenty two. While everyone was dismissed to hold dinner in their own surrounding earth tents, Toph wanted some privacy, Lee-Min, a twenty year old, flirted with Lady Boshi, a twenty three year old. The flirting might’ve gotten out of hand -it did- but Suki finally got to feel what it’s like  _ on the other side _ , pulling open a tent flap and going “you two are  _ officers  _ of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Army! Not peasants!” and the teenager scared them with her commanding tone. Then she ordered two guards,  _ she doesn’t even have the jurisdiction, wait, she’s yelling at them hard enough,  _ to drag the two back to Toph. 

“Your Majesty, I caught these two officers, Magistrates, kissing!” Suki said, sounding much more like Katara than she’d admit, but I don’t fault her. I took my position next to Toph’s improvised throne to cast down Her Imperial Majesty’s judgement. “I believe Her Imperial Majesty would decree that such flirtatiousness is banned from the war front. Save it for when we aren’t on campaign” but no. Toph disagreed. “Save it?  _ Are you kidding _ ?” She asked me like a whiny teeanger. “Why would I save it?” She asked, seemingly serious.  _ Because you’re the Earth Empress and… _ “no! If you two want to do a bunch of oogie stuff, go ahead and do it. Just keep it away from me.” Lee-Min smiled and Lady Boshi kowtowed. “But Your Majesty, didn’t His Imperial Majesty state that it is bad?”  _ Wow, it looks like she learned some ethics.  _ “Is that a dare? Are you going to challenge me to an oogie-off?” The Empress casually challenged.  _ What did I walk into?  _ “Forgive me Your Majesty, but...what is an oogie-off?” the Lady asked, and Toph buckled over in laughter. “Kyoshi, tell her” and she nudged my shoulder. Time to explain it in the most formal way possible.  “Lady Boshi, a ‘oogie-off’ is when Her Imperial Majesty challenges someone else to a...duel of affection. Most of the time she will try and disgust the Princess of the Southern Water Tribe with Her Imperial Majesty’s holy remarks on...people being deflowered and such actions. Rarely, if Her Imperial Majesty believes that the verbal challenge is not sufficient, she will start demonstrating physical affection with Her Imperial Majesty’s…” but I couldn’t keep this formal voice up and I fell over laughing.  _ Demonstrating physical affection!  _ She nudged me in the shoulder again. And she talked, professionally, maturely...and… “it’s when I tear off my clothes and dare Fire Lord Hotman or Prince Boomerang-” I interrupted her to save us all from possibly global scandal. “It’s not, she’s just being dramatic-” But she had counter interrupted me. “-I am not! Okay maybe I am. I say things that bother Princess Sugar Queen and Twinkletoes because they’re both wusses”. Lady Boshi looked at us like we were crazy and remained kowtowing. “If you want to go do oogie stuff, do it somewhere else. But it’s fine. Prince Boomerang gets to oogie that Captain over there-” and she pointed at Suki, who blushed so hard that even if she had her white makeup on it would’ve gotten through, “-so why can’t one of my officers enjoy the other? I enjoy Kyoshi whenever I want”  _ Dont grin _ . She grinned. She grinned so hard I thought I was dreaming.  


The war meeting continued, some people giving one another dagger eyes, others heart eyes, and we agreed that tomorrow, we’d march on the Gong pass using all our eyes. We’ve got more troops than he does and the thin pass destroys his ostrich horse advantage while allowing our crossbows to have a higher accuracy. So we had a quick agreement on the order of battle: Jia and Onku at the front, Lee-Min’s infantry with them, Lee-Min’s crossbows forming the first wave of crossbows behind them. Boshi’s infantry would come up behind them, Jia, Onku and Boshi’s crossbows behind her. Then Hung and Long-Fei at the rear, Hung the physical rearguard and Long-Fei commanding the pair’s riders to be a screening rearguard. The monoplanes would be dragged out but not deployed. The artillery would be brought up behind the first wave, the tanks maintaining a rearguard defense. Orders were dispatched, people gathered their whiskey, and Toph smashed my shoulder with a hammerfist. And we went to sleep.

The next morning, we awoke and continued our march. I took an ostrich horse again, along with Suki and a retinue of sixty riders. Toph would stay in the middle of the ‘second wave’, the reserves. We ran ahead and now got to see streams of crossed daos flying alongside dark grey dog-wolves on bright green backgrounds, the banner of Jia and the lands of Anwar, with a wide line of white open palms behind them both. The earth coin was scattered amongst them. The Temple of Tuman, a village gathered around a central spire, on our right, meant that the pass was straight ahead. And sure enough, riding into the village, we ascended the temple spire and spotted the wooden palisade wall blocking the Pass. Why not stone? Maybe we aren’t the only ones with a low supply of benders. 

I stayed behind the first ten-by-ten column of infantry. As they neared the fence, a single soldier came running out. “His Highness, Lord Gong, sends me as an envoy!” and the man brought his hands up in a traditional bow. Suki nodded and I raised my hand and the spears stopped and formed a wall. The envoy passed his scroll to the leader of this line of ten, who passed it to Suki, who passed it to me. Sounds complicated, it ensures that I don’t take a crossbow bolt to the face. Dong the Lord of the Gong was challenging us to a  _ duel _ . “Your champion versus mine. If I win, you go back to your distant city. If you win, I will surrender. No benders.” I took this scroll and...well first I was going to ask the officers because people like Song or How know their honor system. Then I recalled that my under-officers are  _ flirting  _ and galloped back to the Earth Empress. If nothing else, she was down-to-earth. 

“I can’t read it, but from what you’re saying, he sounds pretty honest. Those  _ daofei  _ already said that his little empire is pretty fragile. He wants to earn legitimacy and from what you and the Council have told me, famous leaders earn that legitimacy by being honorable. You told me of other Bandit Kings, so he’s not the first. And we’ve got some pretty good duelists. Let’s do it!” All in all, I should’ve said no. I should’ve torn up his paper and ordered the entire army to siege him out. Or flood him with men. But there are some things in the Earth Empire that usurp us mere mortals. Stupid nonsense like 'honorable' duels is one of them.  


The Earth Empire’s concept of honor is strange. Everyone is supposed to respect their parents, but killing one's parents is a common trait of a new ruler. Plotting and deception are encouraged but if one gains a reputation as an honest, loyal man, everyone save populist rebels will treat him with respect. Even if he fought for a rival warlord. We may engage guerrilla maneuvers against one another but duels are considered a prestigious prelude to a battle. No wonder the Colonies -seemed to- work. There are more elements the two have in common than one may first think. Our bows are longer and are kowtows, theirs are simpler but organized into different kinds. And the Council of Five has educated Her Imperial Majesty quite well.  _ Probably Song. Definitely Song _ . The Aged Gentleman remembers the old arts better than anyone else, and Toph, the slayer of nobles, accepting duels as commonplace means the whole Empire will start accepting them again.  _ A fight for a simpler age, or so all the poets say. They’re wrong.  _

And even if she knows nothing of this stuff, _I really doubt she was educated but it sounds fancy_ , she's a wrestler. Wrestlers fight in duels. A duel between two people is far more efficient than sending tens of thousands of men off to die in a battle.

Everyone volunteered. We wrote off Lady Boshi and Lady Mo-Song for not even having dao experience. Hung could do with some exercise, Lee-Min only has experience with a crossbow, leaving Jia, Long-Fei and Onku. And Onku has double the martial experience, acting as a border guard for the Si Wong for fifteen years. So we appointed him “Her Imperial Majesty’s Duelist.” Onku took his armor, simple captain’s gear, his preferred weapon, a dao, and a lance. An envoy was sent to Dong to inform him of our agreement and he dispatched his own champion. The gates slid to the side while I took a position a few men behind the front line. I spotted Dong watching from the top of his palisade wall. A man walked out wearing the armor of a Fire Navy Captain. “That’s Wang” Suki muttered. He carried a dao scabbard, no ostrich horse, nothing else. Wang was Dong’s head infantry commander and his long pointed beard meant as much. 

Wang walked forward and watched as Onku ran his ostrich horse back and forth along the width of the pass. A sharp cliff was to the right, the green canopy of the Great Swamp beyond it. To the left, the peaks of the Nantu Mountains. Onku yelled some “ashmaker” taunt at Wang. Wang stopped and stood there. Onku kept pacing, before settling on running back towards the spearwall. But he wasn’t leaving the duel. He turned around, facing Dong’s position, and lowered his lance. His ostrich horse trotted, then galloped. The hundred paces between them was crossed in an instant.

And the ostrich horse’s legs were cut out from under it. Onku tumbled off, losing his lance. Our side of the crowd gasped.  _ He’s not as experienced _ . I could  _ see  _ Suki thinking the same thing. Onku drew his blade and circled Wang. Wang  _ separated  _ the blades, forming a set of twin dao.  _ Retreat, you fool _ . Onku ran forward, letting Wang stay on the defensive and  _ wait _ . Onku got one strike in, Wang parried it, then he took his other blade and hacked one of Onku’s arms off. Onku spun around, looked back at us, and had his neck sliced open by a twin-slice maneuver of Wang’s. Lady Mo-Song and his son, Onku the Younger, cried out as the co-Magistrate of Yahazhen, the Si Wong Sentinel, died a fast death, bleeding out on the sands. I should’ve known what would come next. I should’ve ran back to Toph and told her myself. I didn’t. A courier did. As Wang cleaned off his blades, a roar came from the hill behind us. 

“Kyooooshi!”  _ I knew it.  _ “I knew it, Suki. I knew it!” and I grabbed my hilt. “I name His Imperial Majesty, the One-Eyed Badgermole as my duelist!” she screamed.  _ I knew it. And now I get to pay for knowing it _ . It would be  _ beyond  _ disgraceful if I turned down the offer. Logic didn't matter. Loyalty first. I am loyal to my Empress. So I turned to face the Earth Empress and brought up my hands. “I accept Your Majesty’s offer!" then I shouted "Ten Thousand Years!” and I clopped my ostrich horse through the crowd. Dong countered with, in a deep voice, “I name Wang, Warrior of Agni!” and with the two champions selected through the  _ other  _ system, two leaders yelling at eachother, the duel was on. I rode past Lady Mo-Song and her weeping son. “You get that man and you-” but I rode past. I reached the front of the spearwall and got off my ostrich horse. No need for it.

And I drew my bow.  _ The  _ Dong watched with surprise as I nocked an arrow. His champion probably hated the idea of getting an arrow to the face and  _ charged me _ . And so, I stood there, arrow nocked. Ninety paces. 

Eighty. 

Seventy. 

Sixty. 

Fifty. 

Forty. 

Thirty. 

Twenty. 

And I tossed the bow to the side and pulled out my jian. And Wang went wide-eyed at this spontaneous flip and  _ stopped  _ his charge. But he couldn’t stop on an earth coin. In those few, dust-coated, moments, I sprinted forward. He wasn’t in a stance. Before he could react,  _ slice _ , I brought my blade up and tackled myself and the blade into his chest. I tumbled down, eating dust. But he was gulping his last. I jumped away from him as fast as I could and got up. Turning around, he was spitting out his insides. I looked up at Dong, who had turned red from rage. Back at Wang, he spat out his last and died, choking on his insides. Our side cheered. I pulled the blade out  _ and  _ the cloth he was using and cleaned my blade. “Ten Thousand Years!” the crowd chanted. I looked at them, watching them smile with their eyes. But Suki, up on her stone vantage point wasn’t. She was giving me that  _ look _ . I turned around and  _ Dong’s gone _ .  _ Oh. That look _ . I backpedaled, facing his gate, but before I could get back to my line, the gate slammed open. “I name mi-self!” he said in the bastardized dialect of a Fire National and an Earth Islander. And he stomped out into the dust cloud. He brought out his sword. A long straight blade the length of other people’s spears. “The Swamp Trimmer," now in all it's glory. I looked back at the crowd, and the crowd cheered. 

“One-Eyed Badgermole! One-Eyed Badgermole!” and Toph? Well she seemed for it. 

This slightly-shorter-than-me rotund man was so satisfied with the plentiful Southern crops that he looted that he barely fit into his armor. And I had the Imperial Armor. Every stomp of his might as well have been a stampede of tiger moose. He had a twisted grin and held his hands out to the side as wide as he could, like some kind of crane-fish trying to intimidate me. There  _ is  _ something intimidating about a man twice my width becoming twice  _ that  _ while one his hands holds a large spear-lengthed sword. But I wasn’t going to disappoint Her Imperial Majesty.  _ I’ll win this one, too _ . 

He stomped forward, swinging his blade, once again, like a tree trunk. There was no way I’d parry that massive blade. He swung the blade around, I backed up. He took a few steps forward, I backed up once again. As I backed up, I realized that he was  _ slow _ . Really slow. I spotted a certain weapon lying in the sand and  _ Sokka mind, activate!  _ So I backed towards the mountains and he followed me, swinging his blade crazily. Then, as I was about to be cornered, I sprinted away from him and over towards the spear line. I heard his growl and felt the wind current from his blade. I grabbed the bow, _nock, draw, aim, twing!_ , and sent it flying. I wasn’t aiming. Sure, it hit his chest armor, and it bounced off. _Nock, draw, aim_. _Twing._ And sent it into his  _ eye _ . It hit his eye and he screamed. Or rather...he bellowed. He bellowed like a hurt tiger-moose.  


I stupidly chose to charge him while my opportunity was open. Jian in hand, I ran at him while he grabbed his face. And he pulled the arrow, and his eyeball, out, at the last moment. That large blade came in but didn’t hit me blade on and  _ pinged _ off my Imperial Armor. I felt the air leave my lungs from that. He growled some more, trying to stab me with his own eyeball. I took my blade and tried stabbing his chestplate. Why did I think it would work? It didn’t. He laughed, shrugged it off, and elbowed me  _ in the face _ . After a moment of seeing white, and a searing pain in my nose I've never felt before, I backed up a few paces and fell over. And  _ that’s  _ when that crazy adrenaline juice kicked in. 

He was enjoying the delicacy of his own eyeball. I got up, grabbed my jian and had to jump out of the way of another one-handed tree-trunk strike. Another strike, I had both hands on my blade and just managed to block it. Just. I walked down his blade and reached the hilt and  _ sliced _ . No more right hand for him. And now, only now, was he  _ annoyed  _ at me. As one of his hands fell to the ground, he whacked me with the hilt of his tree trunk blade, dropped the blade, and  _ picked me up one handed _ . I dropped my jian as he  _ picked me up _ . He then proceeded to pull a wrestling move and bash me senselessly into the ground for  _ all the world to see _ . Realizing my predicament was quite painful, and possibly scared of dying, I took one of the hands I was trying to fight him off with and poked his other eye. I poked it. Nothing much. Just a poke. And he dropped me. For some reason, I felt lightheaded all of a sudden. I grabbed my blade and  _ now  _ he was distracted. I hacked at him, but missed because,  _ fly, stop buzzing around inside my head.  _

He moved around, and stumbled to the floor, and rolled around. And I was trying to stab him but kept missing. I think he rolled his way into the gate, then through the gate. "The One-Eyed Badgermole has won!" I heard the crowd yell. I heard them cheer it. I had won! I killed the Dong! A horn sounded from behind me and a mob of people began running. I remember someone yelling “Your Majesty!” and that reminded me that I wasn’t yet visiting the Jade Palace. Second wind kicked in.  _ Hoofbeats?  _ Hoofbeats...somewhere.

I led an army of spears into the base. His men had undone hair. Ours had green clothes and banners. I cut one guy down. He brought an axe to a jian fight. I parried the axe strike, grabbed his shaft, and plunged my jian into his armorless chest. The spears that ran in front of me were getting cut down by crossbows. Enemy crossbows. I picked up my blade and rallied my men as my mind wandered, it was...I was very faint. "Ten Thousand Years!" I shouted, pointing my blade at the enemy crossbows. I led the charge, lines of men behind me. As I neared, I felt something  _ thunk  _ into my hip. I looked down and  _ tapped  _ on something. Something with fletching. I didn't notice it, the blood had rushed to my head. I must've let out a really powerful war cry because the enemy crossbows went wide-eyed as I fell upon them. I took on three of them at once, three precise jabs with my _jian_ , three upper-chest strikes. Crane-fish technique. Some _daofei_ came at me with a knife, I uppercutted his chin with my pommel before slicing his head into two heads. Or something. The spearmen ran past me, cutting down the mob of _daofei_.

My energy was going...going...done, I tripped on this _daofei_ and fell to the ground. I managed to pick my head up to look around. A contingent of  _ riders  _ were passing us. The riders had pennants of half green half gold with a vertical jian forming the border between the two. 

The pennant of Magistrate Baatar of Sangzhen.  And one of their mounts stopped, looking down at me.

_ The Southerners have arrived _ .   


We’d won. 

We broke them. 

I let out a single cold laugh, spitting out some blood, and went face first into the dirt below.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, welcome to the incompetent Magistrates official known as the Southlands!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes (and some very battled folks):
> 
> -The Zaofu valley has a bunch of refineries for producing fine metals.   
> -Personal banners are common among magistrates from more decentralized parts of the Empire, where their personal standard carries more weight (local power) over the far-distant Badgermole Throne (the earth coin banner). That said, the two usually stand side-by-side. The Imperial Army, as it is not provincial, does not use personal banners.   
> -Local Militias can be anywhere from completely untrained peasants to better-than-average Imperial Army soldier levels of training. Yangxi, being by the coast, is much richer. They can afford to armor their soldiers better and allocate more time to training as there's more troops to patrol.   
> -Toph speaks badgermole  
> -The day Toph stops speaking in euphemism is the day she's serious. This has many meanings.  
> -The Protectorate was this rebellion that took place last fic. It was partially inspired by the Liang Province rebellion from 184 CE (not the Yellow Turbans) in that a frontier people (the sandbenders/the Qiang tribes) rebelled against a far-distant centralized Imperial government (Ba Sing Se/Luoyang / the EK/Han Empire) and were mostly crushed. There are elements of the Yellow Turban Rebellion, too, in that lots of peasants joined this fight. Peasant rebellions were common in Chinese history.  
> -We will meet Han again. One day. If you don't know who he is, that's fine.   
> -The Battle of Zaofu will get a statue dedicated to it.  
> -Oogie-offs: one of Toph's favorite ways to pass the time during a world leader meeting  
> -The whole dueling concept is inspired by Romance of the Three Kingdom's many, many duels. Champions from either side would be chosen and would duel the other. If someone is from the Empire (even daofei) this system can be seen as popular. Take Kyoshi v Xu Ping An.


	9. Welcome to the Southlands!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mori convalescences, Toph gets some drinks and our small group meets the Governor of Gaoling.

Chapter Seventy-Five:

I regained consciousness to the pungent smell of the illegitimate child of some flowers, peat moss and tea. Everything was cold. Quite cold. I involuntarily moved my hands to try and warm up, only to run them over my chest and mentally go  _ wait I’m not wearing a shirt _ . But someone noticed this and a woman’s voice spoke softly, “His Imperial Majesty is awake!” And in-and-out walked some footsteps. Different footsteps.   


I decided to open my left eye and saw...a room with sunlight pouring in from the ceiling. The walls were stone grey save one...curtain, embroidered with gold and blue and green hanging on the wall opposite my feet. And I was lying on a...bed? A woman had these bowls of disgusting green sludge sitting on a table next to me. Another woman was cutting up leaves of some kind. And I wasn’t wearing pants. Let alone pants, I wasn’t wearing  _ anything _ . I had what looked like a green paste covering my left thigh and chest. And  _ something  _ grabbing my sides. I reached to grab  _ something  _ to cover myself but there was nothing around. One of the women looked at me and walked up to my face. “Can I get some pants?” I asked her. “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but due to the injuries, we need access to-” I didn’t let her finish, because I was frustrated. “My injuries?” I asked, confused. 

Then something weird happened. She asked me if _I_ knew who I was. “Well of course, I’m the One-Eyed Badgermole!” That got a smile from her. Then I was afflicted with a piercing headache. She continued her strange questions. She asked if I remembered what happened. _What happened?_ With all the confusion and drunken honesty that one may expect after dueling a rock, “We...went on campaign? I’m lying here, so I guess we won?” To which she looked concerned and walked over to the other woman at the other side of the room. They whispered something and she returned with a bowl of...well I’d call it broth but it looked like moss. Greenish moss. “Your Majesty,” and she brought the bowl up to me. And it smelled worse than it looked. But I drank it, gagged on it, _it tastes like eating mud. "_ Can I get something less retching?” I asked, gagging, and she retrieved a goblet and poured a clear yellowish liquid into it. I took a whiff of that and...it smelled like bread. Just bread. I forced myself to drink that, then she offered the bowl again and I actually got myself to drink it down. _This is not an acquired_ _taste_.  


“Can  _ you  _ tell me why everything’s on fire?” I asked. “That, I can” she said, before gesturing to various parts of me. “According to the survivors, Lord Dong bruised a rib by hammering his blade into your side, It’s a good thing you wore such thick armor”  _ So that’s why my right side is pretty sharply discomforting, also, only a bruise?  _ “He broke your nose when he elbowed you”  _ So that’s why everything smells funny and probably also why my head's on fire.  _ “He bruised your chest with a hilt-strike”,  _ so that’s why it's covered in green paste _ . “He failed to crush your neck due to your armor” _that's a win_ _ ,  _ “your back’s also bruised-”  _ but not gone because, let me guess,...armor?  _ “And you took a crossbow bolt to the thigh.” I looked down at my thigh as if I needed to verify this. _So that's why I'm not wearing pants. I see. Kind of._ “What you’re trying to say is, I wore armor and the armor worked” I stated, sure of myself, and she nodded. 

“So I’m trapped in a room that smells like old mud forever” I groaned. “Only until you can walk,” she said, smiling.  _ Oh, don’t challenge me _ . “So can I walk?” and I tried answering my own question by taking my legs off the bed, putting them on the ground and putting my weight on them. The other woman in the room was gasping.  _ Well that hurts.  _ Pretending there  _ wasn’t  _ this dagger like pain running through...well everything, I got up. “See, I can walk” and I fell back onto the bed.  _ Well you sure showed them. Good job, Emperor.  _ This woman must’ve known of my independent action before I made it because she got behind me and ensured I didn’t smash my head into this  _ soft pillow _ . 

“Where am I?” and I looked up at the high ceiling. “Heigou, Your Majesty. Right on the border with Xinyang”  _ Wait...Xinyang.  _ That name sent a shiver down my spine. That, and the room felt cold. I might’ve continued but a horn sounded and a very quick set of footsteps opened a door somewhere to my right. Then the door to my right opened. And a pair of lifeless green eyes came up to my side. I’m sure this annoying woman might’ve asked if I remembered who owned this pair of lifeless eyes.  _ Could anyone forget?  _ “Toph-” but I got a punch to the shoulder. “Why?” I winced “Because I can” and she grinned. “And because you’re too crazy to die.” _I'm glad you're alive. I wasn't worried. Nope. You can drop-kick an airship._  


Then I received a hug. “I’m glad you aren’t dead.  _ Because I’m not done with you yet _ .”  _ Since when were you a hugger?  _ “Well I’m not done serving-” I tried saying, but I was cut off by -and proceeded to- shriek in pain when she put her hand on my thigh. “I’ll do it” she addressed the chest of the...herbalist? The woman offered me this rag that smelled of whiskey.  _ I hope that’s not for what I think that’s for _ . “Why do you have a-” but I was interrupted by her...less nice sounding demeanor. “If Your Majesty bites  _ down  _ on it, it might not-” but Toph tore it out of her hand, hammerfisted me in the chest, forcing me to gasp for air, then shoved this strange rag into said mouth. Offering me but one grin while I was shook from that sequence of events, she calmly stated “This will hurt you much more than it’ll hurt me, ‘cause all I have to do is this-”  _ Toph, that’s not how that saying- _ but she grabbed my  _ already sensitive  _ thigh again and I bit down on the rag, screaming through it. She grabbed my thigh and pressed her finger on the metallic sharp pain. Which only increased the pain. _Ow. This. Is. Why. We. Use. Healers. Ow again. Wait, no, no, wait, you're the Earth Emperor, you're supposed to look heroic for all the recruitment posters._ But then it stopped. And she walked over to me and held up the finger-length crossbow bolt tip, coated in red. _That's a large crossbow bolt. Or she just has small hands.  
_

The woman who wasn’t asking me questions received my rag and tossed it in a large bucket of something. “I’m keeping this” Toph giddily claimed, and she stuffed the bolt tip into her wrestler uniform, now more brown -from all the dirt- than yellow. She began walking to the door but stopped, held up her hand and “Oh, and I’ll be taking him!” and the two women looked quite surprised. “Your Majesty, His Majesty hasn’t-” she cut them off with an annoyed tone. “Then welcome to my personal staff-” and she continued for the door. “Wait!” I yelled, and the two looked to me while Toph held her breath. “Where are you going and why do you need me?” I asked, hoping she would say Ba Sing Se. “Gaoling. I’ve got an Earth Rumble to attend”.  _ I...right, right, of course. Gaoling. You wanted to go to an Earth Rumble. My thigh's bleeding from a crossbow wound, New Taku is something something fish metaphor, and Ba Sing Se hasn't had it's Empress return since she was but a regular, less-titular, monarch. But you know what? You're right. Gaoling does come first. Earth Rumble is more important, for a monarch is nothing if her people don't follow her _ . I was torn about leaving to follow my Empress or staying. On the one hand, this place smelled like an infirmary. On the other hand, it  _ smelled  _ like an infirmary. “It's not like we can carry the infirmary with us” I said, looking up at the ceiling a story above us. “Excuse me Kyoshi, have you forgotten someone?” Toph replied, walking up to me and blowing her bangs away from her face. “Someone?” I countered, raising the eyebrow associated with the eye that I can use.  


“Thank you, Qiang, you’re the best,” and I heard the badgermole growl in approval. “Yes, yes, I love you too” and the badgermole growled the same growl. The ground slammed and a small pair of feet pittered and pattered over to the doorway before walking in. Somehow, Lord Qiangyang knew to start walking forward. The whole building began moving, the Empress offering a shout of command to help organize it all. “You two might want to find someone to hold onto, and I’ve already claimed Kyoshi,” and she walked over to me and grabbed me. “But you’re an earthbender, you don’t need-”  _ okay, palm, meet my face. Hello dirty palm. A pleasure to meet you.  _ “Shush” and she hung on to my chest.  _ Well this hurts. Not that much. Still hurts _ .

Lord Qiangyang was happy to drag a whole house down a path of his own making. Lunch was served to me, another terrible tasting broth. I didn’t want to drink it but I had something motivating, and by motivating I mean a fist, to inspire me. I was allowed to sit up but was told to stay in my bed. The herbalists had to patch up my leg, tying it with some sarashi. “Now, can I put on pants?” I asked, since I was getting tired of this 'who needs pants' routine. “Yes, but you’ll be taking them off to get the wound cleaned soon”  _ I don’t care. I like pants.  _ And I got my wish. Pants! A great victory. 

Shortly after, Toph ordered and received some locally made meats, sliced into scroll-thin slices. I helped myself to some and all-in-all they didn’t taste that bad. Anything’s better than this...sludge. Which I was supposed to keep eating for some medicinal benefit. Something about making all the on-fire stuff not feel as singed. _That's a metaphor. I've actually been on fire, it's slightly toastier and everything smells like burnt hair_. “This is one of those times I wish we had a healer” I whined. “I  _ am  _ a healer” Toph retorted, crossing her arms. “You’re not a waterbender,” I argued. “I pulled  _ this  _ out of your leg with metalbending. I’d like to see Sugar Queen do that” she argued back. While we spoke of what defines a healer, a guard -probably hanging on to the doorway, not nearly as efficiently as the Dai Li could- announced “Governor Harghasun of Gaoling requests an audience!” Toph perked up, _wait, is she actually eager to talk to an official? What's going on here?_ “Your Majesty! I’m not wearing a shirt!” I said, sensibly. “Well I don’t have to wear one either if that would help,” she said, unclasping her wrestler outfit. _No, no, no. We've had enough Earth Monarch Cactus Juices Tales to fill a novel. No. No. Please._ “That won’t be necessary” I begged.  _ I can’t tell her off, can I? _ _No, of course I can't. She's the Empress and her word is law._ And she groaned. “Let him in,” and she did her wrestler outfit up.  _ Thank you, I’d rather not have to execute everyone.  _

“Your Majesties!” the man in his late fifties with a grey mustache and a topknot entered and kowtowed. Toph got off her stone seat and sat down on the bed, facing the door. “Thank the spirits, Your Majesty has recovered,” he said, kowtowing to me specifically. “The spirits? Thank me!” Toph yelled. The man kowtowed and thanked Her Imperial Majesty for saving me. “What’s the news? They’re all dead, right?” she asked interrogatively. “Only a few bands remain, and they’ve been chased into the hills”. But then Suki walked in. She didn’t need to say any words, she walked around the two talking and over to the other side of the bed and we shared a silent hug. _Yes, yes, I love you too Sukes. You should've seen me earlier! Kyoshi Island, eat your heart out_. I gestured for her to go take a seat and she did. “A few? Didn’t we fight a battle? Wasn’t there a whole army?” I interrupted them. Suki shot me a  _ you-don’t-know  _ look, “no, I don’t” I said out loud. “What happened?” I asked looking at the three. Suki gave her best explanation while also pausing to wipe away tears.   


“After you valiantly led a charge into the Gong, the soldiers came running and told us that you were...struck down after charging a crossbow line alone and killing some twenty people in a blood-fueled fury...Her Imperial Majesty...uhhh...screamed...let’s call it that...and rode an earth wave over to the position. There, she-” but she was interrupted by Toph. Toph, sounding like a ambitious storyteller, told her story. “I found this Dong guy, it wasn't hard, and grabbed this Dong guy and gave him a taste of what it’s like to be elbowed. Oh, you should’ve  _ heard  _ him! Punch, punch, punch, no more Dong. Our allies from the south charged the defenders from the rear. That was all.” “That was not all…” Suki corrected her. “...Her Imperial Majesty got  _ so  _ furious she ran into the middle of the fight. We had pushed the defenders up against the cliff and she rockalanched the entire cliff, killing the entire  _ daofei  _ army with a few foot stops.” And Toph let a small smile out. Suki continued. “She ran into the mountains, chasing after each retreating band of  _ daofei _ . Oh, and this guy named Baatar found you and brought you south of the pass to an infirmary, and two days later, here we are!”  _ Thanks for the summary, Sukes _ . I also took a shoulder punch from Toph because I responded "Yes" to "Was that a good story?"   


Now, the Southlands had the potential in a great state of unrest.  _ They always are _ . Governor Harghasun informed us that he feared “as soon as Your Majesty turns back to Ba Sing Se, Beihai or Huizhou may rebel” and requested Her Imperial Majesty stay in the region until the unrest was quelled. I might not be able to walk, but I was quite capable of speaking. “Governor, didn’t these people see what Her Imperial Majesty did to the Lord Dong?” He nodded and brought up his hand to gesture to her, trying to sound humble. “Yes, Your Majesty, but Her Imperial Majesty wields the Mandate of the Spirits-” But his attempt at being persuasive was chopped off by Toph and her Toph-isms. “What he’s  _ trying  _ to say, Kyoshi, is I’m amazing and most of the garrisons down here are terrible”.  _ Thanks Toph _ . 

The two herbalists kept brewing stews for me to forcefully down, Suki sat nearby because it’s her job and “Kyoshi Islanders have to stay together”, Wuhan showed up, kowtowed, and thanked the Great Hunter before taking up a stone seat next to Toph, and some guards brought us maps of the region. Just after Wuhan arrived, we were informed that we had crossed into Tonglu Commandery. Toph, Harghasun and I discussed regional matters. 

Harghasun gave us his list of issues. “The Imperial Army of the South has no presence here. I’ve never even met Imperial Commander Fong.” The Imperial Army of the South is based closer to Yu Dao than it is to Omashu. I think. The train line can get them down here in a week or two. Assuming they come. Fong  _ has  _ to, at least once, travel beyond the Si Wong and go introduce these pitiful southern garrisons to his warhammer.  


“Half the commanderies are in poverty. For most local peasants, becoming a _daofei_ is more profitable than tilling the soil.” I inquired as to why. His response? “We send our tax collectors out to collect the salt tax, the tax collectors take the money and run. So we must tax them higher.” I asked "Why can't you just ask Ba Sing Se for assistance?" He claimed “the past Governor kept sending letters to the Capital”. _The past Governor?_ I looked at Toph and put a hand on her shoulder, and she put one on mine. We were probably thinking the same thing, “the last Governor?” I asked. “Governor Lao” and that’s when Toph got more than annoyed. She got _angry_. I chose to speak for her. “That man was a traitor” and Harghasun gave us this surprised look. “I...well that would make sense why the letters were never received. Forgive me, Your Majesties!” and he got on the ground, kowtowing. _But I didn’t approve of this. Did Toph? Did she ban all letters from Gaoling? I thought she...wanted Lord Beifong to know 'who she had become'._ _Next time I get a chance to be alone with her, I’ll ask._

We spent another while discussing the  _ daofei  _ of the south. This Governor only knows about his own region. So the regions of Beihai and Huizhou are beyond his administration. We’d need to  _ personally  _ march through these towns and oversee the problems. _Thanks, nonexistent military presence._ But in terms of the Nantu Region, the commanderies that hug the mountain range, Nanzhaizhi, Yanxicun, Dongdi and Meixian were the source of most of the  _ daofei _ . These are peasants who live in foothills, where a single bad crop season will starve them. They barely make enough every year. Most depend on sustenance hunting, venturing into the uninhabited Nantu Mountains for resources. Of keynote, the rural villages that hug the foothills barely recognize the presence of Her Imperial Majesty. Which is understandable. We’re one long ride, go all the way towards the western coast and through a pass, then north along the western coast until one makes a right south of the Gaolan River and follow the rail to the Serpent’s Junction. That’s...a few weeks by rail. High-speed, day-and-night, Imperial Guard powered. The towns recognize Her Imperial Majesty but there's not much they can do.  


We dismissed him so we could have dinner. The herbalists removed the cloth from my nose and applied a new one. Apparently the first one was quite bloody,  _ good to know _ . It's a good thing I don’t use my right eye because the herbalists can wrap it around the right side of my face without blocking my line of sight.  _ Who needs line of sight? I’m the Imperial Consort for the Blind Bandit _ . The herbalists cleaned my wounds and reapplied their salves. Whatever was in them,  _ honestly I don’t want to know _ , was numbing the pain. Whiskey also helps. Wuhan exited the room to give us privacy while Suki and Toph sat on opposite sides enjoying making fun of my crossbow-bolt predicament. “You think Lord Boomerang could tolerate all this attention?” Toph asked. “No” from Suki. “Well, neither can Kyoshi,” and she was referring to me  _ totally-not-squirming. _ “Hey, prized Imperial Parts here” was my  _ perfectly said  _ statement that enabled Toph and Suki to laugh. I looked to Suki first. “Hey, you’ve stolen my pants before” and she giggled. “I  _ did _ , but I also kind of just wanted to have you show up to class in  _ my  _ armor for a change.” which only inspired Toph to find humor at my embarrassed state even further. “You showed up dressed like a girl?” “ _ Yes _ ” I admitted like a man beaten in a debate by a master poet. Toph chuckled. I turned to her and pointed at her. “And you...when I try getting changed you stomp in” I said, mustering a bit of annoyance. “Well it's not like I’m going to see something I’m not supposed to” she retorted, and slurped up some tea. “Because you’re...blind. And also I’m...your consort.” I said, only realizing what I said after I said it. “Exactly. Therefore, I’m right!”  _ stop grinning. And waving your hand in front of your eyes _ .

I begged the herbalists to let me try walking again, then did it against their wishes. I got my legs off the bed, stood up, bit down to try and pretend I wasn’t in pain...and fell over. Suki grabbed me and pushed me back onto the bed.  _ Thanks Sukes _ . Suki had the bright idea to get me crutches because the same Kyoshi blood inside her means she can’t keep still either . And the guards told us we had just come upon the commandery capital of Nianziwan. One shout from Toph, “Qiang! Stop!” brought the perpetual grinding sound to a halt. “So, Kyoshi, you want to go visit whatever this place is?” she asked, happy to go do...something. “I’d love to, but the spirits keep telling me I should stay still” I said, sarcastically. “Well I wield their Mandate, also, this!” and she grabbed the wall and the wall behind the bed melted to dust. She pushed a stone platform with the bed on top of it out of the house it was in. The two herbalists looked at us completely amazed. I think the younger one was about to faint. The older one's probably seen a couple generations of antics roughly similar to this. Not this, though. Then they recalled that Her Imperial Majesty wields the Mandate and kowtowed. “Couldn’t you just...couldn’t someone just carry me?” I asked, directing the inquiry at any interested ears. “Oh. Yeah that would’ve worked...too” she realized. And I mentally slapped myself in the face.

Toph had the herbalists fetch my Informal Robe and I got myself into it. “Since you like being so  _ formal _ ” she quipped.  _ Thanks Toph _ . So Wuhan took my left arm and slung it around him. No armor, no weapons, just Wuhan -who might as well be my armor- and Toph -who is a walking Siege Cannon- and a platoon of Imperial Army soldiers. Turns out Lord Qiangyang was in the middle of a large column. For perspective: a badgermole was dragging a house from one commandery to another commandery while the rest of the levied militia walked in front of and behind us. If that's not normal I'm not sane. _Wait_.   


As we’d pass a formation of soldiers, the officer would draw his or her dao then both officer and the soldiers would turn to us and kowtow. We received lots of shouts of “Ten Thousand Years” and blessings on my health. We passed flags which bore the green and gold -sometimes green and white- Flower of Gaoling as their background. That is, the Flower would be 'behind' whatever the soon-named symbol was. It looks just like the Earth Empire’s symbol except instead of a circle it’s a five petaled flower. The colors were also swapped from the Earth Empire’s norm. Instead of green between golds it's a gold filling between greens. To reflect the wealth of the third largest city in the Earth Empire. One was a castle, the troops of Poi of Gulou, one was a field of yellow crops, Sensu of Meixian. One was...I think a white shield, for Ping of Dongdi’s troops. These three were in front of us. There were also forces behind us, the remains of what joined us at Yahazhen. These Nantu-based forces venerated the city of Gaoling, in case it wasn't obvious. But the force at the front of the column was special. 

The other banners from Gaoling had the same flower for the background. Not this one. A green left half, gold right half, being vertically cut in two by a white jian. At the very front were a contingent of ostrich horse riders, also bearing this banner. As we approached, the riders dismounted to kowtow to us. The lead most of these riders was a man with a black beard that came to a single point.  _ I remember that beard _ . His hair was done up in a  _ queue _ , falling to one side of his head. And he carried a  _ jian  _ instead of what every other officer here carried, if they even carried it, a dao. A young man, probably our age, came to his side.

I remembered his banner,  _ Sangzhen _ , but I had forgotten his name. I stopped my Wuhan, not actually mine, and pointed at him. “The last thing I saw before I fell was your banners approaching. Rise and give us your title and your achievements” I formally boomed, and he got up from his kowtow. “My name is Baatar, Your Majesties. I have seen thirty five springs. I was part of the Imperial Army of the South until Your Majesties called for a purge of traitorous nobles. Then I was sent here to administrate the lands of Sangzhen. This here is my sixteen year old son, Baatar. We owe Your Majesties for our humble office. Ten Thousand Years!” and he took a step back. The younger Baatar stiffly kowtowed a full set of three and nine and rose only at our beckoning. He was my height. “It’s an honor” he said, shyly. “No, your father is the one who should be honored” and I attempted to bow to his father. It failed. In jumped Toph. “Enough bowing, any of you know a good tavern?” 

As Baatar was not a traditional magistrate, his unique flag reflected that. His family has an ancient tradition of naming each firstborn son Baatar. So he is Baatar, son of Baatar, except because of his rank he is now Magistrate Baatar without the ‘son of’ afterwards. His son will be Baatar the Second, and so on. The thirty five year old was not expecting Toph to demand the location of a tavern. Lucky for us, the Magistrate of Tonglu was walking out to greet our halted column. He kowtowed and “welcome to Nianziwan, Your Majesties!” So Toph ran off to him and probably went “where’s your tavern?” Once she found out, she ran back to us and “I order the two of you to come with us” and...both Baatars looked like they were going to faint.

The town of Nianziwan is two levelled. The old town, where the town center and administrative offices are located, are built on a terraced hill. The old town is about the size of any other minor commandery capital. A couple dozen houses, two stories, built around the town center which sticks up with its proud three stories. If that was it, Nianziwan would be insignificant. But that’s the  _ old  _ town. To the south of the terrace are hundreds of houses, forming a half circle. They orbit a wide, paved, road. The Gaoling land trade route. And a bundle of buildings were formed alongside the monorail line, which  _ I only just noticed exists down here because this is the first time I’ve been outside of that house.  _ Leave it to Toph to have us get dragged across the country by badgermole instead of taking the train. 'It’s more time to spend picking my toes' she might say. Then she’d probably give me a shoulder punch. 

The Magistrate and his thin mustache and small pointed beard led us to “the largest and most popular tavern in the commandery.” I don’t know the name of it but it had the symbol of a red flower inside a silver circle. The four petaled flower was common in the Fire Nation. It was both large, two stories of tables and chairs around a central open space which rose to a vaulted ceiling. And it was  _ packed _ . As we waited outside, the guards noticed us and quickly a mass panic ensued where people started shouting “Hey Blind Bandit!” Toph walked inside now at the front. I couldn’t exactly lead the bodyguard procession. I exchanged Wuhan for Suki so he could do his bodyguard job.

It was hard for the crowd to part ways. Many of them would almost walk into the Blind Bandit by complete accident and she’d talk to them like...well a regular person. “How ya doing?” “How’s the wife and kids?” "How's the crops?" but then they’d make the connection -Wuhan’s dressed in Imperial Armor, Suki and I are auburn, I have a massive cloth over my right eye- and they’d go “It’s the Blind Bandit!” Not Her Imperial Majesty. Not the Earth Empress. The Blind Bandit. _You're all quite drunk, aren't you? Makes sense, this is a tavern_.  


“Do I know any of you?” she asked them. The large man she addressed was filled with glee. “I saw you at Earth Rumble Five!” and the rest of the crowd went “so did I!” Men and women. “Hey Sukes, aren’t these people supposed to refer to her as-” and she told me off with “Let’s let her figure it out.” Wuhan was all “Step away from the Earth Empress” but Toph slid underneath his legs and emerged on the other side, “no need! These guys love me!” and the crowd chanted in agreement. Quickly, they surrounded her. She stomped the ground and appeared above them all, standing on a stone pillar. The crowd erupted in cheers. “Everyone! Everyone!” she shouted. And the crowd went silent. “Everyone’s getting a drink! Bartender! One on the house for the entire room! Guards and staff included!” and the guy behind the desk punched the air with his fist. 

Magistrate Kaoliang, that was his name, the two Baatars, Wuhan, Suki and I were given a table by the Blind Bandit. Second story. Balcony. Facing the New Town. The guy running the tavern, his name is Iemune, asked the Blind Bandit how she’d pay for it. “It’s going to be some ten gold in total” and she flicked him a purse of fifty. His eyes rolled into his head and I think he fainted so hard he went face-first into a wooden post. “ _ Four more  _ drinks on the house for everyone!” and the crowd exploded in an uproar of “The Blind Bandit! The Blind Bandit!”

“Your Majesty, Her Imperial Majesty is alone-” Baatar the Younger said, scared. “Baatar, it's good that you’re worried. But she’s fine. She can handle herself” I consoled him while internally going  _ what in the name of Her Imperial Majesty?  _ and mentally being nervous. I shouldn’t have to be, but I was anyways. The waitress brought Suki and I something called “Chang’an Light”. Not that this should become an official catalog of alcohol in the Earth Empire, but ‘Chang’an Light’ tastes thief-ily similar to Clear Whiskey. It doesn’t have that  _ kiss  _ of perfection and it doesn’t smell of spruce leaves. But we liked it. Wuhan took a large flagon of bread-like foam. The two Baatars asked for small goblets of regular whiskey, which is admirable. Kaoliang asked for a wine, to which both Wuhan and Suki went “Wine? Wine’s not a drink” and Kaoliang insisted “it’s quite strong” and the three of us subpolar bags of jerky laughed in a distorted choir of voices. “Wine? Wine? You haven’t been to the North”  _ thanks Wuhan _ . “Or the South”  _ thanks Sukes _ . “I’m from Gulou. That’s the south,” Kaoliang said, fighting a losing battle. “Gulou isn’t even on the coast! Kyoshi Island is the  _ true  _ south” I yelled. “Hear hear!” and Suki raised her glass. “But Karokou Island is further south-” he insisted “And they’d agree with us” I corrected. “The Southern Air Temple is further south” he pleaded. “And the Air Nomads don’t know how to have fun. We enjoy our meats” Suki quipped an inside joke to a man who we will likely never meet again.  _ I can see you’ve been in touch with Sokka, Suki _ . “The Southern Water Tribe is further south!” he desperately said. “And those people marry their cousins” the Captain of the Imperial Metalbending Guard remarked. _T_ _ hanks Wuhan _ . 

“Blind Bandit, why couldn’t you go to Earth Rumble Six? We missed you!” some guy’s shout question grabbed my attention.  _ Because she was busy getting coronated. Crowned Her Imperial Majesty, Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits. Long live Her Imperial Majesty! Ten Thousand Years! _ “I went on a world tour!” she punched the air.  _ Well that’s one way to put it _ . A different guy asked “Will you be coming to Earth Rumble Seven? It’s going to be in a week”  _ But...the New Year was...a month ago?  _ I asked a passing patron “Why’s Earth Rumble pushed off?” and he drunkenly told me “they postponed it ‘cause half the fighters were in the war”  _ Right. Nationalism.  _ So what did Toph say? She didn’t. She grinned. A single grin. And the entire crowd chanted “Go Blind Bandit!” and she walked over to our table and put her arm around my shoulder. “Kyoshi, you ready to go?” Playing dumb, “Go where? Weren’t we going to discuss administrative issues in regards to the Southwestern-” she pinched my shoulder to make me stop saying intelligent things. “Earth Rumble Seven. We couldn’t go to Six because of that stupid coronation ceremony” and Baatar the senior of the two Baatars looked like he fainted. “I...Your Majesty...I didn’t know Your Majesty disliked it.” and I leaned into Toph’s ear and went “can I take this?” and she punched me in the shoulder, making me yelp loud enough to attract all eyes. That's a yes. “Her Imperial Majesty believed that the ceremony was too long. She instead wanted to go spend time with her loyal citizens.”  _ It’s not a lie. I’m not lying _ . _It's not our fault the Avatar showed up a few days later and revealed that our favorite teamaker was the Dragon of the West._ And Toph knew I wasn't lying. I was going to ask Suki to help me up so we can leave but no. “I hated the ceremony. All this...stuff. Some high priest who sounds like his priestly bits were being bashed in was screaming about the spirits and” _I can't know what she said if I stuck my fingers in my ears. I don't want to know. Nope_ _.  _ Baatar and his son looked like they died. They hadn’t. Toph reminded me of obligations. “Meet me outside when you’re done getting nice and intimate with your cousin. Or sister. Or whatever” she pointed at Suki and I, and Suki snorted her drink in laughter. 

I called a toast and everyone raised their glasses, some filled with more liquid than others despite the latter having been five widths larger. Baatar and Baatar the Second kept their goblets near themselves. Kaoliang had a medium sized goblet. Wuhan, Suki and I had much larger flagons. “To the Earth Empress!” I spoke. “To Her Imperial Majesty!” and the lot of us pointed our drinks at the Earth Empress wandering down the stairs. We drank up and I  _ might’ve  _ slammed my glass into the table. And by might’ve, I mean I did. And the bottom exploded, sending glass shrapnel flying. So Suki helped me up and we shuffled out of there.  _ I don’t want to get fined for that _ . Baatar and his son probably justified it as the glass being an evil spirit or something and I was punishing yet another enemy of the realm. I don’t know. Suki and I, everyone else in tow, caught up to the Earth Empress. We were outside in the middle of the street. A mob had formed around the Blind Bandit, cheering for her. So she took her arm and rested it on my shoulder.

“Who is that?” the crowd asked, confused.  _ What, the eyepatch doesn’t show it? Wait...the eyepatch isn’t there _ . _The auburn hair? Taller than average?_ _ Maybe they’re all drunk _ . “Oh him? This is Kyoshi! I picked him up during my world tour” she said smugly. “Why does he look like he got into a fight with a tiger moose?” someone in the mob asked. “He had a fun time the other night. Let’s just say he got  _ smashed.  _ He got a good _rocking_ ”. And the crowd was a mix of laughter and ‘I just saw a Pu-On Tim play’ giggles. Pretending to be innocent giggles. Mostly all the twelve to sixteen year olds in the mob.  _ Suki why are you laughing at this? You’re not...wait no of course you find this stuff funny, nevermind.  _ So Toph swung her fist around, probably intending to hammerfist one of my thighs. But I had turned  _ just too far _ . Fist, meet Imperial Parts. My subsequent increase in pitch only helped with the humor of the situation.

The Blind Bandit created a pond-sized empty space around her, Suki helped me walk behind her, Wuhan behind us because the crowd was thinning out and then a small puddle of empty space behind Wuhan where the Magistrate was walking. The people know who’s more important. At some point, she stopped and asked Kaoliang if he could give her a train. “Of course, there’s always an available train in the depot” and he pointed in a direction. She stood there, blowing on her bangs, until he went “Oh...Forgive me Your Majesty” and after she was done laughing at his stupidity, he explained it to Wuhan who ran off towards the train station. 

When we got to the train station, the workers were all “The Blind Bandit!” and offered her a free ticket to take the train to Gaoling. “Nope, I’d like the whole train” and she said it with that  _ I’m-going-to-get-it-anyways _ tone and got it, anyways. No need for a Magistrate to allocate it. Well he showed up anyways and said “Her Imperial Majesty needs the train” and a very confusing situation occured where the workers, who must all have been drunk off their feet, didn’t understand that the two names were one person. So they came onboard and went “Her Imperial Majesty needs you to exit” to first the members of the Imperial Army, then to Wuhan, who stood there confused, then to Suki and I, who were at a table sitting side-by-side playing Pai Sho. And when this young man walked up to me, I pulled off my bandage and pointed at the place where my eye once was. “I’m the One-Eyed Badgermole” and then I pulled my... _ undone, my hair’s undone _ , long undone hair over. “Auburn hair” I grunted in frustration, and I pointed at my clothes “Imperial Robes” and to combine it all together “I’m His Imperial Majesty”. And the workers asked me to get off anyways. In strolled a Toph who was wearing some kind of green, I don’t know what to call it? A night robe? Bathrobe? A outfit she probably ‘allocated’ after the battle because I definitely didn’t pack that. Which begs the question, _how_ and also _where_ and also _when_ and also _'do they make clothes in Toph size?'_  


“I’m Her Imperial Majesty” and they all kowtowed. A few more moments of confused explaining of people questioning where the Blind Bandit went later, the train was ours. It was finally ours. It already  _ was  _ ours. But now it didn’t belong to the Blind Bandit and her…’fun friend’ and their band of multicolored garb wearers. Speaking of fun friends, I had Suki take me to the Imperial Bedchamber -since we are sleeping in it, it’s the Imperial Bedchamber- to strike up a late night conversation with Toph.

“Did you  _ have  _ to make that joke?” I asked of the relaxed Empress. “It’s not my fault they took it as a euphemism. You did get smashed” and the pulsating pain in the bridge of my nose... I suddenly recognized it. “The difference is” and she pulled off the belt on her green bathrobe. “You weren't smashed by my fists” and she tossed her robe at my face. I caught it with my face.  _ Why does it smell like weird soaps?  _ Distracted by this fragrance change,  “Toph, why does this smell like soaps? Don’t tell me you  _ took a bath _ ”, I could hear her stick her tongue out at the very thought. “I didn’t, those herbalists  _ cleaned  _ it for me. I only put it on because I wanted to try it”  _ Try it? Are we sure you didn’t have too much to drink?  _ I pulled off said robe so I could see what was happening.  _ Okay she’s not wearing clothes. _ So I covered my face with my robe. “What happened to your undergarments? Do we need to go on a campaign to find two strips of sarashi or a off-white camisole?” “Nothing-” and she paused to probably put on said clothes. “Then why weren’t you wearing clothes?” I inquired with my voice muffled by this robe. “Well you aren’t supposed to be wearing pants. Why would I?” she argued.  _ Can’t argue with such logic _ . “Can I take my head out of these robes?” I asked like this was the Great Hall where we had to request permission to come in for class if we showed up late. “Do you want to?” she asked, sarcastically. “Do I want to?” I responded, sarcastically. She pulled the robe off my face. She  _ was  _ wearing clothes this time.  _ Thank Kyoshi. Nothing worse than invading privacy _ . And a voice of a woman I recognize spoke out from the door. “Your Majesties, His Majesty needs another application of the herbal balm to his thigh”  _ Speak of the Avatar and the Avatar arrives, I guess. Except speak of a lack of privacy and someone invades it _ . “Come in, come in, he’s prepared and waiting” and she  _ softly _ grabbed the sash on my Informal Robes, ripped it off and tossed it aside. 

“Is there really  _ no  _ way I can have my Imperial Parts covered during this?” I pleaded while attempting to cover myself. Of course, the spirits  _ love  _ me, so the answer is “we need to make sure the balm is applied properly without anything even accidentally scraping it off”. They happened to be saying this while standing over bowls. Crushing things into other things. There’s no reason I can’t put on pants until  _ after  _ they get the mixture done but I’m also not well versed in horticulture. And there could always be some spiritual spirit-based reason related to the spirits. Though I wouldn’t think that from their simple procedure of smashing some green stuff into a paste and slathering that paste across my thigh and that paste proceeding to indeed turn the fiery sensation into a dull ache. They aren’t exactly kowtowing and wishing blessings from the... _ who would they even wish the blessing from? The forest spirits? The spirits of Zhaoze De, the region we are currently in? There isn’t exactly a healing spirit, but I also didn’t study my spirits and Earth Spirituality is as expansive as the continent.  _

Once they stuck this cold, disgusting smelling concoction on my leg, they moved to my right side. I can’t look at what they were looking at but they were both pointing at something. “What is it?” I asked, exhaling deeply from the nervousness of the unknown. “Do you have any difficulty breathing?” I took a breath. “No" I replied. “Any pain from where he hit you?” she asked. “Where did he hit me?”  _ that answers itself. If I’m not admitting it then it didn’t happen. Also, don’t you have eyes? _ “Here” and one of them poked my rib.  _ Ow.  _ “Yes! Yes that was painful!” I shouted at a much higher than appropriate voice for indoors. “Well considering you haven’t complained, I’d say he didn’t actually break your rib" she said, casually, like this was part of her daily procedure. _ That’s great.  _ “So I can go back to the battlefield, right?” I asked, stupid me. “That’s my Kyoshi!” and Toph punched the air. Like the spirits of killing one’s motivation, they struck. “But you still aren’t to do any heavy work for another cycle of the moon. Just in case.” Another blunder of mine “and we don’t have any healers, right?” Toph used her spittoon because she likes being conveniently present to remind me of her existence. “There’s a bunch of not-as-good-as-me healers in Ba Sing Se" Toph remarked. Suki added “There was that old woman...Yugoda!” _Great!_ “So let’s go to Ba Sing Se!” I shouted, only to realize such shouting actually hurts. “How are we going to go to Ba Sing Se  _ and  _ Earth Rumble” Toph insisted, because Earth Rumble to her is like breaking her out of Gaoling to me. Suki, being clever, had the solution. “Send a letter to Ba Sing Se, summon a healer. Easy enough.”  _ Right. Right. We’re not just controlling a small army of peasants. We have a whole continent of people _ . “Healers?” the first herbalist asked. “There’s more than one? We only know of Master Katara” and that made all of us laugh. We all have our personal experiences with Master Katara. “Sugar Queen’s good, I’ll give you that. That time she got her hands covered in blood while fixing a leg...that was fun! But Fuzzy Britches is busy fixing the Fire Nation’s problems. Maybe also repopulating the Air Nomads. And if that playwright guy taught me anything, she's probably having an affair with Fire Lord Flameo.” They took some paste, rubbed it on my side, then wrapped it in sarsahi. 

So I obtained a scroll, and the Imperial Seal,  _ thanks Sukes _ , and wrote a message requesting a healer from Ba Sing Se come to Gaoling. I then gave it the seal-ing touch and now it’s probably flying over the Nantu Mountains on a messenger hawk. One day, it might reach Ba Sing Se. One day, after ascending the Dai Li bureaucracy and the Imperial Ministries, someone will get on an  _ express  _ train to Gaoling. Maybe by that time we won’t have a possible rebellion on our hands. 

After sending the scroll, I thought of Ba Sing Se. “Who’s running the country from the capital?” I inquired to Toph. She shrugged. “We’ve got Ministries, right?”  _ That we do. Countries aren’t just run by one person _ . “We have Ministries” I confirmed “Well they better Minister” she affirmed, “But who’s making the final call?” I asked a question that might as well be asked to the sky.  _ I hope it's the Head of the Dai Li. But it’s not. Maybe Lao Ge? We don’t...we never appointed an interim leader did we? Probably General How as he runs the Council of Five _ . _Maybe. I have no idea_.

Lord Qiangyang and the rest of our household, no offense Lord Qiangyang, got on this train with us. The same Imperial Army of the South soldiers who we originally train-jumped were now our -temporary and no I don’t mean 'soon to be executed'- bodyguards. Because the Dai Li  _ are in Gaoling  _ and the Imperial Guard  _ are also in Gaoling _ . The crowd cheered the Blind Bandit off and by the time we left, the Imperial flag was unfurled and proudly flying in the wind. Recalling that I miss the polite men in their funny hats and green tails and the heavily armored men with perfectly trimmed beards, I drafted another scroll and had it sent to Gaoling. It stated that “any Dai Li and Imperial Guard who docked in the city are to take a train to Sangzhen” where we’d rendezvous with them.  _ And bring crutches _ . Toph agreed to stop off at Sangzhen for them. The messenger hawk took off and flew into the dawn.  _ The dawn _ . 

The train picks up speed on the downhill and it was on one particular downhill that we almost cut the “The Line of Nagasakami the Short welcomes you to Gujou commandery!” sign off. Was that the surname of the officials living here? I have no idea. I’m not the Imperial Archives. I know the leader is a man named Poi and he changed the commandery’s sigil from a seashell to a castle because he survived a  _ single  _ Fire Nation raid, led by Lieutenant Keung “the Sacker of Yonaguni” of the Fire Navy. Now while I barely know who Keung is or was or if he’s a member of Zuko’s advisory board, I know what Yonaguni is. Yonaguni is an interesting piece of trivia for those too intoxicated to read about something useful. It has the highest ratio of goat-sheep to people of anyplace in the Earth Empire. A small island, about the size of Kangaroo Island, with, what, two thousand people on it? Maybe a few more.   


We went to sleep, Toph not using me as a footrest and opting to use her metalbending to fetch me a drink, and I woke the next...dawn? Before dawn. “Where are we?” I asked, mumbling. An Imperial Army soldier, I thank her for joining our expedition, informed us that we were in the Commandery of Meixian. Toph had to move over from her comfortable position lying next to me, which she didn’t like, to let these herbalists do their paste thing. They asked if I felt any pain, I didn’t. Whatever this putrid moss-like slop they were rubbing on me was, it made what they say  _ would  _ be painful prevent it entirely. They also wrapped my thigh in some kind of cloth with a splint.

After that, Toph “got bored” of yawning and sat up. “Can you still do my hair? If you can’t I’m getting you replaced” she said, reaching down to clean her toes. “Sure” and I attempted to do her hair.  _ Grab an entire handful of hair, roll hair into a bun, the end _ . If only it was that easy. It wasn’t that easy. Never was and never will be. I still got it done because it’s more intimidating for others if her hair looks well done. “Sometimes I’d rather just have my hair down, but then I go ‘nah that’s dumb’ and I don’t do it”. She’s lucky I’m not Sokka. Growing up on Kyoshi Island, everyone learns to do up one’s hair. For themselves and for others. Suki prefers her hair short because...well I probably asked her in the past but I forgot. My hair? Not a fan of long hair but traditional court attire calls for queues and I’d rather look traditional to balance out the woman walking around dressed like a wrestler, covered in mud stains, picking her nose. There’s nothing wrong with being a wrestler or picking one’s nose but I’d like people to see the two of us and see how, as all the contemporary historians will put it, “one represents the past and one the future.” 

And according to Suki, the spirits were benevolent with me. Extremely benevolent. Katara is quite vain about her hair. And skin. And being clean shaven, everywhere. Which doesn’t make sense to me. The Southern Water Tribe is  _ cold _ . Nobody did any kind of blade-meet-skin routine on Kyoshi Island because hair provides  _ warmth  _ against the cold. I’m guessing it's for Aang, but what’s the point? Freeze -though maybe waterbenders can’t freeze- and die or maintain heat? If it’s for Aang, Toph would say something like “Twinkletoes isn’t Lord Boomerang. The first girl he met when he was unfrozen is the girl he falls in love with.” Standards, who needs them? Wait, what was I talking about? Right.

After doing her hair, we had breakfast. Local meats, mostly jerky, Kaoliang gave us. Lots of jerky. We like seal jerky and he happened to recently import some.  _ Right, this is the South. Seal jerky exists, even if rare _ . The food that kick started a thousand ships. While eating breakfast, I asked Suki - _ thanks for joining us Sukes-  _ “when is the next officer going to meet us? Let them in if they’ve been waiting”. She looked around and we looked out the window at the passing trees. “Where’s the officers?” I asked, putting down my tea goblet. “What officers?” responded Toph. “The...the men and women running our ‘Imperial Campaign Against Daofei’?” I repeated the question. “Who cares” she repeated her answer.  _ Wait did we… _ “Did we leave the officers in Tonglu?” “If that’s where we were when we last met them, sure”  _ thanks for that logic, Toph _ . “How did you not remember?” I asked her. “How did  _ you  _ not remember? That’s your job?” she questioned, not angry, not annoyed, just unsettled. “I’ve been out of it?” I left the statement off with a question because I was unsure myself. “That’s a good enough excuse. As I decreed. Who cares.” and she chomped into a piece of seal jerky. 

“We were going on a campaign! How are we going to...how will we handle the...but…” but my stuttering, lightheaded self was cut off. “Who cares. Guards!” and Wuhan and another guard walked over and kowtowed. “Fetch Kyoshi a scroll and supplies. Oh! And a messenger hawk” and Wuhan did all three with the efficiency of a Dai Li agent. He’s not as agile, but he makes up for that with his strength.  _ And that’s why he’s a perfect Captain _ . Toph had the train stop. “You write the letter, I’ve got someone to visit” and she handed me a piece of jerky she was eating,  _ what am I supposed to do with this?  _ So I ate it. “Qiang!” and a badgermole roared. “I missed you too!” and I’m pretty certain she kissed Lord Qiangyang. I took a scroll and started writing. The sunlight went from hitting my chin to hitting just the windowsill by the time we were done. Might also be because we pulled it to a  _ very recently made  _ depot. I realized my instructions, ‘appoint a new leader for campaign,’ was completely false and I tossed the scroll out the window. So I, one man with only so much experience, told the officers to disband the campaign and go back to their villages. If the  _ daofei  _ problem returns we can deal with it then. As for the Governor, I had a letter sent recalling him to Gaoling. While Toph fought at Earth Rumble with her mastery of earthbending, I’d fight the  _ daofei  _ with economic policies and long-term military goals that would produce a localized standing army capable of responding to local threats.

As I’m writing this later in the day, we are coming up on Sangzhen. I just received a letter from Fong. I didn’t even tell Toph yet, she’s in the other room. New Taku is under Song’s rule and Song is on his way there at the time of writing. He stated that New Taku “elected itself to be fully-autonomous” which suggests it’s a self-seceded nation. This could plant a dagger in Toph’s Mandate support. _No, this wouldn’t cause the Empire to collapse._

It’ll just give a few far-flung magistrates a few treasonous ideas. And if not them, their farmers. 

_Thanks, Avatar_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Earth Rumble Seven! Toph fights wrestlers, Mori fights legislative policies! 
> 
> Encyclopedia Entry #9: The Southlands are not on fire. You're on fire. 
> 
> -You try waking up in a room that you've never been to before, not wearing pants, and try not being confused. At least.  
> -The two herbalists are just two herbalists from the South, specifically the northwest of the Southlands. They aren't characters from canon.  
> -When I wrote this chapter 2 months ago, I had some historical inspiration for the broth but since then I've forgotten.  
> -The herbalists don't expect people to try and move around upon finding themselves in such predicaments, but they've also never met the Earth Emperor.   
> -Heigou is south of the Gong Basili Pass, Xinyang is southeast of that and a few commanderies northwest of Gaoling.   
> -The Dong, Lord Dong-Ji, He Whose Blade is Big, is from Xinyang originally.  
> -Time until Ba Sing Se? Many chapters. We're going on a tour!
> 
> -Toph on cactus juice is as fun as it sounds. Breaking walls of the Palace down, tossing Mori through those walls, declaring war on the Water Tribes, etc. Let's not forget, "Burn them all!" since she thought she was a firebender. Cactus Juice: The drink of choice for Dragonlords.   
> -Mori would rather not have to execute everyone for violating Imperial Law. Toph would do it for the giggles 'cause she can.  
> -In any other story, the main character/author/PoV would wake up and get lots of affection from their friends and family for surviving. Maybe even some oogie things. Not here. A shoulder punch matters far more and I refuse to believe Toph would do anything beyond that.   
> -The Imperial Parts joke is a play on Ozai "not wearing pants" and his "Royal Parts" showing. 
> 
> -Beihai is the far south of the Southlands, Huizhou is...well you'll see Huizhou in future.  
> -Tonglu is east of Xinyang, one commandery closer to Gaoling  
> \-----------  
> Titular v De Jure: On Naming Conventions, Southlands Edition.  
> -Nantu is the name of the region that Gaoling, the city, is located in. Many call the region 'Gaoling' after the prominent city (e.x. The Lands of Gaoling, the Region of Gaoling). As such, Nantu and Gaoling have become interchangeable as names for the region.   
> -If you want to approach this from a medieval (and how I intended it) perspective: Nantu is de jure (or: most of the Southlands are in Nantu except the south coast), Gaoling is titular (or: the extent of the Governor of Gaoling's direct authority)  
> \------------
> 
> -The Flower of Gaoling is as popular in the South as the Earth Kingdom (now Empire) emblem is in the rest of the world. Same or similar color scheme and instead of a coin it's a flower that also has concentric properties and is symmetrical.  
> -Yes, people have heraldry of crops. It's better than having heraldry of minnows, or trout.   
> -The Baatars of Sangzhen, an up-jumped peasant family that is loyal and hardworking. This is not going to be the last we see of them.   
> -The four-petaled flower is supposed to be the Mokko-mon, or the Flowering Quince plant. This flower's presence reflects the light dusting of Fire Nation influence (the tavern's founder was from the Fire Nation but settled down to run a tavern instead)
> 
> -Yes, Toph's known primarily as the Blind Bandit down here due to her popularity. This is just another touch of how far-removed the Southlands are from Ba Sing Se.  
> -In the true south, the Kyoshi Islanders drink not-vodka. Wine's not the true south. Wine's for temperate softies! (Or the true north, except the Water Tribes don't count because they marry their cousins.)  
> -Pu On Tim's plays are renowned for being risque. More on that in the future.  
> -Toph's camisole is just what she wore in Tales of Ba Sing Se (when she woke up) and the sarashi is likewise her 'beachwear'.
> 
> -New Taku WILL return.


	10. Earth Rumble Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Blind Bandit fights in Earth Rumble, the One-Eyed Badgermole fights in politics.

Chapter Seventy-Six:

When our train came into Ganhezhen, the capital of Sangzhen, it stopped at a train station located along the docks. Looking out the train window as the crowds arrived, I spotted the lands of Zhaibei and the docks of Hekeng. For every junk at the docks, ten sailboats were in the river. Some went up to Gaoling, others down to...somewhere, if I had to guess it'd be the many sea trade routs, others halted at fishing spots. 

The crowds arrived and they stayed there. They were rooting for Her Imperial Majesty, who wasn’t that interested in giving public speeches. And she wasn’t going to force me to, either. So the carriage was there, idle. We tolerated a late afternoon full of people chanting for Toph. We had free access to move about the train. Not much to move around _to_ . Toph isn’t a fan of Pai Sho and we can’t wrestle what with the leg. So we went stir crazy. We weren’t going to tell the crowds to leave, Toph likes the popular support. But we also didn’t want to give a speech. Some Imperial Army soldiers brought along books with them. “If you’ve got something I can listen to” Toph replied when I asked her if she’d like a book, before forgetting that of course she wouldn’t like a book. “Well I can _read_ to you” I told her. “Thanks, _mom_ ”. _Right. Right._ Remembering that I wasn’t Katara, I asked the soldiers of the Imperial Army if they had anything they think the Earth Empress would want to read.

But then all the low shouting -these people have got some good lungs- became _high_ again. So I hobbled to the window and looked out. There was a line being carved through the peasantry. A line of gold with a flag on the front of it. _The Imperial Standard_ . “Your Majesty! The Imperial Guard are coming!” I shouted to her. A line of men in gilded iron suits complemented by dark green shoulder pieces, helmets on correctly, dao at their back, bearing the beautiful green and blue flag with white flying boar on one side and gold fan on the other. They marched in perfect step, one behind the other, a line of four by...ten? And behind them waltz a lockstep platoon of women with makeup wearing green armor and gold headdresses. _The Kyoshi Warriors_. Were they all descendants of Kyoshi? No. Were they all amazing fighters? I would bet my life on it. “Which means the Dai Li will be here soon, too,” I said, not as loud. 

I turned around to go bother Toph and... “Bang!” a shadowy figure hanging on the ceiling addressed. Yes, he actually shouted “Bang!” No I don’t know why. Then fell face-first onto Toph’s bed. She wasn’t in it, she was off doing other things. Then his friend jumped down and bowed to me. He silently pointed at the pair of crutches sitting next to the doorway. “You know, I would’ve heard you enter” I said, sure as stone that my hearing is good enough. “Your Majesty, we were hanging up there for...how long, Wei?” and the man who fell onto the bed got up, bowed to me, and turned to his fellow agent. “Since they arrived, Shen” from Wei. “Right, since we arrived” Shen said, proud. “You mean since _we_ arrived” I offered. “Right, right, by the way, I'm Agent Shen and on behalf of the entire-,” the man who forgot his time was cut off by my laughter. I shouldn't laugh at this nonsense but I did anyways. “It’s fine, I won’t tell your boss” I consoled him. Slightly more inquisitively, I inquired “...and why couldn’t you give me the crutches earlier?” “We left them on the right side of the doorway coming in, we figured you’d see-” and the two got into a bow and nicely asked for forgiveness. I laughed. “Oh get up and go tell Her Imperial Majesty-” and I shouted “that the Dai Li are here!” But her voice came from...somewhere, “I already knew they were! They’ve been on the ceilings since we got here!” _Right._ I pinched the bridge of my nose. _Seismic Sense._

So thereafter I had my crutches. No more relying on Suki. Did I need them? No, but I wasn’t going to go against the herbalists. They’ve got their ancient practices and remedies and considering the alternative is “something terrifying” which is an argument in it of itself, I’ll listen to them. So I took this and walked over to wherever Toph was. While on my way, I heard the horn of the Imperial Guard. They and I crossed paths in the aisle. 

“I’ve missed you all” and I tried and failed to bow to them. Then I pointed at the ceiling. “And I’ve missed _you_ , pretending to be stealthy agents”. The Imperial Guard looked up at the ceiling and a bunch of people went “hello” and fell down. Most stuck the landings. One went through a table. My two agents stayed behind me and were all stiff. Then the agents got up and bowed to the Guard. And the guards bowed to the agents. And everyone did their kowtows or bows to me. I heard Suki’s shriek of happiness from somewhere up ahead and took some steps over to her. The Guard parted, squeezing together in front of the seats. As I wormed my way through, I offered a statement of explanation to my favorite golden men. “I know, I know, ‘why is His Majesty walking around with these’ This man with the body of the banished Prince’s mentor and uncle and the ruthlessness of the old Dragon of the West got into a small scuffle with me.” and the Imperial Guard, not being made of stone, laughed. 

I got over to the Kyoshi Warriors who, after giving their bows, joined in for a group hug with Suki and I. “Yes, we’ve missed all of you.” And we did some hugging. Suki was all “show them your wounds” so I pulled off my Imperial Informal Robe and -thank the Spirits the herbalists let me wear an undergarment- allowed the girls to enjoy taking in the sight of bandages and wrappings. “So you’ve finally found your match” Aoma said, _sorry other girls I only remember a couple of you_ , gesturing to the cloth in place of my normal eyepatch. _Quick, explanation!_ “He broke my nose, the Earth Empress broke him in two”, the Kyoshi Warriors chuckled. “Did she really?” one of the others asked. Suki nodded. “She was _so_ enraged she started punching him with a metal gauntlet. Then she tossed his army off a cliff”. 

While the lot of us walked about, Toph yelled for the monorail operator to “get going already!” and a horn sounded and we were all thrust forward shortly after. We didn’t even exit the monorail to pay our respects to anyone. I would’ve liked to go down to the docks and get a nice glimpse of the coastal defenses put in place. Ganhezhen and Hekeng were the river gatekeepers of Gaoling. No Fire Nation assault had broken through since Leiong Beifong ordered their construction some twenty years prior. That said, the Gatekeepers of Gaoling have a reputation for demanding tolls be paid. Want to go north to south without going through the nonsensically high tariffs of Gaoling? You've got to pay your toll to the Magistrate of Sangzhen who through definitely legal reasons obtained the mayoral seat of Ganhezhen.

I woke up the next morning, the herbalists did their thing one room over so Toph wouldn’t get bothered by it. While they smeared their paste, I recognized the mountains off to our left. A faint memory from a bygone era. Just to our left was a paved road, parallel to the train. A lone carriage was slowly riding along. After they finished, I went back to Toph’s room, she was having a great sleep, and looked out the window from there. “We’re approaching Gaoling” I said, somewhat saddened, and looked across the room at the Imperial Flag hanging from a wall. The flying boar was watching me. As if aware of it all, “this isn’t the first time you’ve come to the old stuffy seat of the Beifongs” the woman lying next to me mumbled. I looked to my side at the embroidered handkerchiefs, carried from Ba Sing Se to Caldera and now here. I picked one of them up. “It’s not the first time I held a handkerchief with the Flying Boar on it, either.” And saying that, some memories burst through like a small dam breaking.

* * *

 _Twenty ostrich horse riders led the way for a caravan of carriages. The mountains rose up on our left while the river flowed on our right. Dawn hadn’t even broken. We had been riding for days, weeks. New guards had to switch off. And they never stopped. So many riders, so many guards, so many courtiers, all for one passenger. A man who had been plucked off his snowy little island because the Lord of Gaoling was rich and could afford to buy even His Royal Highness, Prince Kuei. But he didn’t._ A move to accrue power. _Was this really all about the blood?_ With the Avatar long dead, or so we all thought, a descendant of the Avatar could fetch a high price. And Lao Beifong had, and still has, eyes and ears everywhere. And when the courtier delivered the letter bearing the seal of the Flying Boar, there was no way we could refuse. Kyoshi Island needed the money and it was deemed “a fair trade." Enough gold to feed the island for fifty years for one man. One man.

My uncle spoke of how proud he was. A Kyoshi Islander being welcomed into the highest of Southern nobility. A Kyoshi Islander _becoming_ the highest of Southern nobility. A man that one night would be a simple teenager from a evergreen-filled island in the South Sea and the next, the heir-apparent to the House of the Flying Boar. And being so stupid, I accepted it. Because Kyoshi Islanders don't ship our own off without the individual's permission. And I agreed to it. Was it a desire to see the world? A desire to meet new people? I don't remember anymore. Sometimes the stupidest decisions are made from a mixture of sleep-deprivation and amazement. But I didn't go straight there.

I remember thinking it -the 'fair trade'- through on the ride over to Gaoling. _All this security. What do they think I’m going to do? Kill them?_ And it wasn’t just the security guards. The courtiers. The handmaidens. _Everything anyone could ask for_. I remember gripping a napkin embroidered with the Flying Boar and examining it closely. Such intricacy. Every little stitch, all for a piece of cloth that gets thrown away after one use. They offered me drinks, servants, entertainment, and I didn’t have to do anything. Just sit there and wait for a carriage to stop at the entrance to a massive estate, then walk into the estate and...follow the Lord of Gaoling’s instructions. “By the time you’re done, you’ll forget this bumpy ride ever happened,” they said.

They lied. They lied to Oyaji in the letters he received. I’d be marrying an expert earthbender. _Ironically..._ They lied to the men guarding my house in Shirahama. They claimed to be aides of the Governor of Yu Dao, Morishita. They lied as they dragged a half-asleep me to a carriage. They were taking me...hunting? And by the time I woke up, a small army of guards was a great way to refuse any requests. They lied as they described _who_ I would be marrying. A sixteen year old, tall and courtly, stuff about elegance and flowers and flower-ness and all these words that a young nobleman would know well, but to me, gibberish. They lied when they told me “you and she would travel home afterwards”. By the Lord of Gaoling’s instructions, I was to stay there until a strong earthbending heir was produced and _verified_ to be true. Years...I'd be there for _years_. The Fire Nation would've won and I'm sure Lao would've found a way to bribe even the Fire Lord.

And Lao? All of this was because his priests, his wise advisors, claimed that from his line and a strong bloodline would come the next Avatar. It might not be this generation, but it would be the next one. His priests kept telling him the current Avatar would die by winter. They claimed that when the North Pole was finally breached, which the Fire Navy was getting, week-by-week, closer to doing, the last of the waterbenders would be massacred. So time was of the essence. And even if it wasn’t, us Kyoshi Islanders live to be a hundred. Many live to be a hundred and twenty. We’re famous for it. There’d be more of us but most of the men of the island voluntarily went off to fight in the Earth Army. And died. And the rest died defending our homeland from _daofei_ and Chin alike.

So he’d get a son -and heir- who would outlive the rest of his generation. And I’d be trapped in a golden cage. Lao offered me things most people would kill for. I would live with servants until I died. And if I wanted something, _anything_ , I’d get it. Except, when I first got there, “you _will_ remain within this compound until you produce a son”. Once that happened, I’d be free to travel the free world with a Beifong passport. And he had paid one year’s worth of money to Kyoshi Island to get me _off_ the island. Then he’d give the rest once I was in Gaoling. _Sure._ And the whole time, he’d educate me in the ways of politics. 

But, as he warned, “a woman can steal a heart.” He was right for the wrong reasons. A heart was stolen, mine, and my Kyoshian blood gave me a new goal in life. "Don't let a woman manipulate you", he warned. He was wrong. Nobody was manipulated. I had eyes and she had the strength. How tragic that he painted his daughter as a frail young woman incapable of handling herself and prone to girlish outbursts. “She needs someone to ensure she knows her place”. How ironic. He intended this as a mustering cry to drive me to 'teach her her place'. So I did. She sits next to me now, her hair in a massive jumble of strands. I’m given the chance to comb it for her. She learned her place. Being the Fifty Third Earth Queen is hard to learn. That’s why we invented a title befitting of _her place_ . And I'll be teaching her her place until my last breath.

* * *

The rail began slowing down for the _turn_ . The final, long, turn around the head of the Gaoling River. When this turn finished, we’d be in Gaoling. Gaoling. The Earth Kingdom’s favorite trading port. The Fire Nation’s favorite coastal target to raid after Taku fell. They never dared to take it. In the waning years of the Hundred Year War, it could be argued the House of the Flying Boar was stronger than the Earth King. And if not His Majesty’s armies, surely they had more influence. More spies. More assassins. More retainers. If they wanted to nab someone from one of the largest Fire Nation Colonies in the middle of the night, they’d pay the price. Because the Beifongs are investors and merchants at heart. They know what a deal will go well. Pay a few gold upfront, get it back in ten years. It’s why they never invested in the Earth King’s forces. The Fire Nation could go sack Ba Sing Se, as long as Gaoling remained safe. As long as the grand estate of the Beifongs was tucked away in a comfortable life, the rest of the Earth Kingdom could go and burn. And it did.

There used to be a sign on the gates of Gaoling that called it the birthplace of Her Imperial Majesty but someone must’ve torn it off. _Someone did_. Can’t fault me for an agent whose name I don’t know and never will doing my work for me. A small group of civilians gathered when they heard our horns. The Imperial Guard marched out to set a closer perimeter but there were more guards out there than attending civilians. Maybe it’s because it was the morning. Maybe because Her Imperial Majesty isn’t as popular this far south. 

“When’s Earth Rumble!” Toph shouted from her bedroom. “Earth Rumble’s...I don’t know, tomorrow? Two days from now?” I said after going back to her room. “Well I want it tonight!” and a pair of Dai Li who had slid _into_ the room due to her shouting looked at eachother. I turned to them. “You heard Her Imperial Majesty!” I barked at them. “Does Your Majesty have any specifics?” the wiser one asked. “I don’t know! Her Imperial Majesty wants it tonight! Make it happen!” and the two nodded. “Your Majesty, I’m sorry but who do we meet, we don’t have any leads or access to the-” the wise one was cut off by her shouting. “His name’s Xin Fu! He’s tall and speaks in a loud voice all the time! Just like me!” The less-wise one asked another question. “Your Majesties, any whereabouts to what he looks like?” and Toph sat up specifically to wave her hand over her face. “Right...right” the less-wise one stated, the pair bowed and slid out. I hobbled after them. 

As I left the room, they stopped to speak to a different Dai Li agent and his aide. He had...slightly different cuffs on his sleeves and that’s about it. “Your Majesty” he announced and the whole common room turned and kowtowed to me. Or performed a Dai Li bow. Or jumped down from the ceiling and bowed before jumping back up to the ceiling. I say common room because Toph and the earthbenders destroyed one of the passenger sections and turned it into a place to lounge about. “Your Majesty, we believe Her Imperial Majesty attending the Earth Rumble event will be dangerous,” he said in that classic Dai Li tone. “Maybe for the other competitors” I posed. _What’s there to fear?_

He didn't want to stop. “May I discuss the event with Your Majesty?” So I threw his question away. “Sure, but not now.” “How come, how can we serve Her Imperial Majesty?” he said sounding like an obedient Dai Li agent. “Find Xin Fu and tell him to have Earth Rumble tonight.” “But Your Majesty-” he said, slightly less Dai Li tone and slightly more worried. “It is Her Imperial Majesty’s decree. We will work _around_ that decree”. The roomful of Dai Li bowed. Then they slid out of the room and began a city-wide search. We’d find this Xin Fu.

During lunch, we did. I was eating lunch with Suki and Wuhan, Toph had finished her lunch in her bedroom and was now picking her teeth clean. A pair returned with a long haired bodybuilder. “This here is Xin Fu, he runs the competition” one announced for the other. And they released their grip on him. “Your Majesty” the man kowtowed out of respect to my handful of cloth wrappings where wrappings normally don’t go. In my formal voice, “You will host Earth Rumble tonight. The Blind Bandit wishes it so.” “But…” he questioned. “It is my decree. I can also decree that these two wonderfully friendly men, seriously they both have such nice soft voices, have you killed and I find a new host”. “I...Your Majesty’s wish is my command”. And he set off. Not long later, we heard town criers call out “Earth Rumble Seven is tonight! The Boulder and the Blind Bandit are back for a rematch!”

Only after the announcement came did the head of our small group of Dai Li return. And he begged an audience with me. On the one hand, he was quite happy to obey my commands. On the other, he and the rest of the Dai Li “are worried” about the Blind Bandit, I mean Toph, I mean the Earth Empress’s safety. I knew that if I didn’t give them an audience I’d be harassed all day. So they got their audience.

The head of the group had a whole list of reasons _why_ we shouldn’t do it. Safety being top. _Daofei_ could attack. Rebels could attack. The Fire Nation could attack. The Avatar might arrive and interrupt her round. These sound ridiculous, but the Dai Li have to account for everything. Then there were the...probably logical reasons _for most people_. She could get hurt. She could take a boulder to the face. Or ten. She probably will. A single Yuyan archer. A single angry waterbender. Enough badgermole fodder. A fire blast to the feet. Who knows.

“Well thats what we have the Dai Li for. You’ll be everywhere in the audience. If anyone gets any ideas, you know what to do to them” and Toph sent some courier to inform me that “Her Imperial Majesty would like a foot massage, ‘now!’” and I got up and left. The Captain or whatever rank he was was displeased. I could tell by his groans. “I have a foot massage to get to." and I pointed at him, "You draft up the security plans.” “But we don’t even know where the event will be held!” “Then find it.” I said while slamming the door to Toph’s room shut. 

And while giving her a foot massage, I informed her of what the Dai Li didn’t want me to tell her “because she’d reject the offer.” “They can be as scared as they want. I refuse their dumb security. If they want to show up to watch the show they can” she said while flexing her toes. _Hm. So she won’t take any security_ . I worked on her left foot first. “Can _I_ come?” I asked while running hand down foot, pressing on it firmly. _Thanks Kyoshi Island education_ . “Sure.” and she picked her teeth with her finger. “Would you want me to come alone?” “This is Earth Rumble! Bring your friends” _Toph, you and I have the same two friends. Or three. Also Sokka’s pretty great, he’s just an idiot. And Zuko’s not that bad, he’s just moody_ . An idea hit me. _Bring security with me_ . But because I hate the idea of secrets, “what if I brought security with me?” and I moved on to pressing on her arch. “Go ahead. I’d invite the entire Empire to watch but _no_ security!” she said, accidentally pulling her foot away from my hand. “You just said I could bring security” I said while grabbing her foot and resuming my pressing. “Security for _you_ is-” but she stopped to command me to press harder on her arch. When I did, she enjoyed the encapsulating bliss and completely forgot about the subject. 

Because I like sticking arrows in my feet, I reminded her of this. “So I can bring security?” “Sure, just. Don’t. Stop. This. Foot. Massage.” and she let herself fall onto the bed and enjoy it all. “How many?” but she summoned a rock glove to cover my mouth. “Stop talking about security. Just press on that spot! It feels great!” “So is security” I mumbled, not getting the message while also giving the massage. I have to remind myself to _never_ clean her feet lest I get sent through multiple rock walls by involuntarily motion. At least her toes are always aired out. 

So I kept working. For the record, it's the bottom of her big toe, run hand down with firm motion to ankle, repeat for each toe, then work hand itself down foot pressing on arch. Then work on toes themselves. Remember to pull _and_ slide on said toes. Turn while pulling but don’t use too much force. Unless the person you’re dealing with is asking you to punch her toes. Then there’s no other option. And no, Katara, I’m not obsessed with massaging. Blame Kyoshi for teaching us about massages. Suki gives amazing chi-enhancing massages as well. Much better than mine. But I'm the one being commanded to follow the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits and Suki's the one taking a shower.

I asked about the Earth Rumble after finishing her left foot. “Well you _have_ to stay around. Who else can do this?” and she kicked me in the chest by accident. _Well that oddly painful feeling isn’t normal_ . _Oh leave it be inner thoughts_ . Though it may have been a spasm, not an accident. “I was just trying to get a feel of you” _or that_ . _You have hands for that._ I continued on to her right foot and began again. “So no security for you, but I can bring whoever I want?” Removing her finger from her teeth to flick the debris into the next commandery, “Why not? More people to watch me kick the Boulder into the sea!” and thus she began an ear-blistering rant.

“That Boulder. Oh that Boulder. I know King Old Guy is a stronger bender but back then...oh that was a close one!” and she, again by accident, pulled her foot away. “Can you please refrain from pulling away your-” but I was cut off by her ear-breaking tirade. “So he gets up and goes ‘The Boulder would never strike a little girl!’ and I go ‘Did someone say The Boulder is a coward?’ and he goes ‘The Boulder will not refrain from showing everyone his skill!’ and the whole crowd cheers. So I go ‘Was someone talking? I think it’s The Sandman!’ and the crowd is all ‘ooh’ and I point at him and laugh. Xin Fu was the original Earth Rumble champion and he has us begin the fight. It was an awesome fight.

So The Boulder starts off nice because ‘The Boulder wouldn’t want to hurt a little girl’ and only throws a single boulder at me. I break it with an earth plate and toss a column at him. He crushes it and begins running at me. He doesn’t jump or anything. He ran and picked up a stone and flung it at me. I slid to the side and let it fly into the crowd. I had fought him before, Four, and lost. He hit me with this “two big boulders then a third” strategy and because they were flying, I couldn’t see them as well. So he runs at me and tries it again. He picks up the two boulders and the whole crowd gets to watch me bring up two columns and smash his boulders. Then he brought the third boulder out and was in front of him and I headbutt it as he launches it. And the crowd’s having so much fun! Not as much fun as I’m having right now. That big toe? Don’t stop turning it. Back to this fight, so I headbutt the boulder then I get up and headbutt The Boulder. He yells because he _is_ a coward and I hit him with one pillar and he’s out of the ring. And the crowd gets up and chants “Blind Bandit! Blind Bandit!” and Xin Fu hands me a belt and a bag of gold.” And I took my hand off her foot to go grab some water from a goblet. After sipping it, I asked “How was it a close fight?” She yawned, a pretend yawn, and replied “Well if I say it’s close it’s close.” I thought that through and concluded “Makes sense, but _how_ ? He wasn’t about to knock you out”, “I said it’s close. And now he and I are going to fight again”. And that was my sign to stop asking. So I stopped asking. And went back to foot rubbing.

I finished up her feet, to which I got a shoulder punch for it. Then another. And another. Then she asked for a massage _everywhere else_ . I guess the chi-enhancing part actually works. And I’m allowed to use _lotion_ elsewhere, so my hands don’t scrape open on her calluses. Thankfully for us, the army of soldiers was happy to go into Gaoling and retrieve the best quality hand lotions they could find. We discussed Earth Rumble, the government, possible wars, the usual.

“What do you think of the army here?” I asked while working on shoulders and their many rotating capabilities. “It’s barely an army and the leaders are dumb. Why isn’t the Army of the South here?” she answered. “Because there’s a lot of _south_ in the Earth Empire” “So why not create a new Army of the South and call the old one the Army of the Center?” _How would that- "_ Because there’s already an Army of the Center” “What about the Army of the East?” “Last I heard what’s-his-name is in Dongfang attending to the matters of _daofei_ ” _I don’t remember his name. I don’t think we’ve shared a room in a year and a year ago he wasn’t even part of the Council_ . “Are you telling me our armies are stuck fighting _daofei_ ?” “Yes, Your Majesty”. “Well what if there’s an invasion?” _An invasion?_ “By whom? The Fire Nation is defeated, the Water Tribes are tentatively on our side, the Air Nomads are practically extinct unless His Holiness has been sleeping around which he-” but she stopped me. “We received a letter the other day, didn’t we?” I nodded then said “yes, we did”. “And Suki told me the letter mentions this ‘New Taku’ being...a free state? It’s not part of our lands anymore?” and for some reason I felt the room tremble. _If you’re about to kill someone, please put on a shirt first. The people don’t need to see-_ “Well? Is it our land or is it not?” she asked, bitterness in her voice. “We...agreed…” but I stuttered. She froze up. Being as reassuring as she could sound, the massage _was_ pleasing to her, “What is it?”

“I’m unsure, Your Majesty.” Gone was my soft between-us-Imperials voice and out came the formal one. “We agreed that all lands belonging to the Air Nomads are allowed to return to them” “And New Taku is not that” she said, getting a bit angrier. “The Avatar claims, using the justification that he can go back in time through communing with past Avatars, that it was an Air Nomad holy site belonging to a spirit or a woman or something named Lady Tienhai.” “Was she one of the Earth King’s vassals?” “I’m unsure”. _I don’t know. He said she was a person but also that she had spiritual properties_ . Toph gave me a shoulder punch and “go to work on my legs so I can lie down and do nothing” and she lied down and did nothing. And unlike the Fire Nation, people are given massages while wearing sarashi in Kyoshi Island. Speaking of the Avatar, an Imperial Guard requested permission to enter but held back and instead gave a letter to Suki and Wuhan. Suki entered, gave a simple bow, and handed the letter to me with an outstretched hand. Also, she jutted a question in, “how’s the injuries? I see Her Majesty is enjoying the massage quite much” _thanks for the compliment, Sukes_ . Toph’s smile confirmed it. “I’m sure Her Majesty would prefer your massage skills” and I addressed Toph “she’s a hundred times my superior in this, fighting, drinking, planning…” “Yeah but she’s busy massaging Lord Boomerang” and Suki blushed. _Is that where all your skill goes?_ “Maybe she’ll bring Lord Boomerang over here and we can make him our extended family” Toph said, probably serious. “But that would mean you can’t have a crush on him any-ow!” I said, before receiving a rock glove smacking my shoulder. “I don’t have a crush on him!” _Stop crossing your arms. You’re the Earth Empress. Also_ “Oh come now, the whole land knows it from Karokou-” “That’s an island” _right, thanks Sukes_ , “-to the Northern Air Temple-” “That’s held by the Avatar” _thanks Sukes_. And speaking of the Avatar, I took the letter, thanked Suki and invited her to “go massage Her Majesty” but, and I should’ve known this, Toph rejected it. Eitherway, I thanked Suki again and she went back to her guard post. 

I read it out, and she responded to it. “It’s from General Song-” “So I like it already” _me too, Toph_ . “He states that the city of New Taku still flies the Earth Empire flag. However, they fly a new flag. A...white lotus on a white background? He says that his envoy was told that the city elected itself to be a ‘self-governing body’. His envoy met with the head of the city, a man named Hongji. Apparently Magistrate Loban was driven out of the city by some kind of mob and his factories fell to…” and I dropped the letter. “It can’t be” I muttered. “What? What can’t it be?” Toph asked, surprised at my halt. “ _Lord_ Lao Beifong” I stressed that first word. And Toph kicked the bed. She _slammed her foot_ into the bed. And she got off the bed and _stomped_ the ground, making everything shake. “No. It’s not him. It can’t be!” she said, stomping the ground. 

“Listen!” I shouted. Then I went back to my reading voice. “The factories fell to _Lord_ Lao Beifong, who the envoy met and who claims to ‘fully support the Avatar’s cause’” and she turned red with a burning fury. I didn’t stop. She might be angry at him, as we all are, but she’s not going to take it out on me. Or maybe she would. “According to the envoy, Lord Lao Beifong committed his resources to help establish a governing body. Anyone can be elected to run the city, and the term periods are one full moon cycle each. So a man named Hongji runs the city with Lord Beifong as his advisor. The envoy wishes to note how receptive the population of the city was. The Avatar happened to return from a trip and met with the envoy. The Avatar claims to have cited the wisdom of-” I was cut off by her scream. “Wisdom? He’s going to face the _wisdom_ of ten thousand artillery pieces-”, but I didn't give up, “past rulers and past systems of government and concluded on the Water Tribe system of rule combined with an electoral process that the Avatar said ‘was inspired by a world meeting we attended’. He asked the envoy where Her Imperial Majesty was and he told the Avatar-’” and Toph grabbed the letter with a rock glove and tossed it to the side. _It can’t be. He stole our system and made it work for...it can’t be. Lao. His ‘resources’ belong to us. His everything belongs to us. He was lucky Toph didn’t have him killed, ‘I won’t have him killed. I just want him to recognize me for who I am and what I've achieved.’_

Toph slammed the ground out of rage. “Toph...go to Earth Rumble.” _that should get the energy out, for now_ . “I am” and she grabbed a towel and wiped herself dry before kicking the wall down and going face first into a pile of dirt. Once thoroughly coated, she came back inside and put on her wrestler outfit. “And get my hair done” she said in her commanding tone. And I did. Today was special. I spent part of the afternoon doing her hair into her bun and making sure everything was _perfect_ . Clothes, too. Everything was clasped on properly, her metal bracelet wrapped around one arm, her bangs individually grasped and placed, her bun done up and atop her head the thin green bracelet with two _oh so fluffy_ white pom poms. She gave herself a good blast of dirt for “natural damage”. At one point she asked if I’d like to compete but I was the one to point out that I’m a nonbender. I got a still-boiling-with-anger shoulder punch, then a less angry one, then she left for Earth Rumble. The last thing she did? She went to pet Lord Qiangyang and invited him to the show. He growled and she got on top of him to pet him some more. That action _intimidated_ the Dai Li and Imperial Guards -not the Kyoshi Warriors because we have an Unagi- who collectively kowtowed out of fear that their new Lord would eat them. He didn’t, because Lord Qiangyang is quite docile when his Empress is safe and sound. 

She ran off on her own, escaping myself, the Kyoshi Warriors, the Imperial Guard, and even the Dai Li. “Where’d she go?” one of the agents who gave chase asked. “She’s probably tunneling her way there” I replied. Looking at thieir faces, _right, none of you remember that she can do that_ . Suki, Wuhan and _all_ the Dai Li present were chosen as my security by me. I didn’t want to attract too much attention to us, but as Toph let me bring as many as I wanted, I would trust no other group for stealth. The Dai Li helped me, through jumping from roof to roof, and carried me to the mountain entrance to the underground fighting ring. 

Long ago, _not that long ago_ , Toph and I stopped off there to “pick up” some of her stuff she stored in a ‘secret’ locker, stuff buried in a random wall. I don’t really remember it because I was hammered senseless but she dragged me all the way there to pick up _absolutely nothing_ because she owned no possessions. It was mostly an excuse to test my trust. Would I follow a random woman I didn’t know into a hole in a cave? Sure, whiskey will do that to you. Also she wasn’t random, she was Toph and we already agreed to have a _really stupid_ escape so why not sleep in a cave? Plus it meant we weren’t going to get dragged back to the Beifong estate because if nobody knew where we were the Beifong sentries couldn’t spot us. There was a lot of tunneling and “you better keep walking but not that far or you’ll-” and me crashing into walls. 

Governor Harghasun arrived with his personal retinue just as we got to the arena entrance. _Thanks randomly appearing Dai Li_ . Turns out the pair that had the information, one, didn’t know where we were - _why would they they aren’t a hive_ \- and two, went the long distance of one train over -to ours- to ask for our whereabouts, whereabouts the Imperial Guard politely told them we were going to Earth Rumble. Three, they didn’t know where the stadium was, so one of Wuhan’s friends, Shi, told them “follow the large crowd” and the pair did and eventually tracked me and my blue robe down. That or they found Suki and her makeup. Or maybe the large perimeter ring of Dai Li running up and down walls because they were bored. 

Harghasun was a massive Earth Rumble fan and had purchased, _even though he could’ve gotten them for free_ , a dozen tickets for “smash zone” which is the bottom couple rows. We were perfectly in the middle, perfect for avoiding flying boulders. Amidst the sea of people, nobody was kowtowing to me. They just didn’t pay us attention. They also didn’t pay the Dai Li swarm that would show up if I so much as whistled _and they heard me_ . Probably thought they were costumed fans or something. Those groups exist. Lots of people showed up with Boulder signs and others with “artistic representation” portraits of the Blind Bandit pre-Queen, which paint her to be a tall, muscular, figure with lifeless eyes. She's not tall, her muscles are mostly her bravery and madness and her lifeless eyes have more life than most paintings, people just _don't get it_.

Harghasun and I sat down, some ten agents around us and a hundred more were scattered across the arena, sitting amongst the mass. _If anyone does anything…_ Harghasun took out a map, his retinue brought some scrolls, and “let’s hold a military and economy discussion during the match” which, well first he’s insane for suggesting that and second, I agreed to it because it hits two geese-ducks with one arrow. We can watch a game and also discuss national matters. The Dai Li around me kept biting their nails with worry -correction, stone gloves- that my lack of worry was a problem. I tried reassuring them but no...they’re unbreakable. If they want to be worried about her safety, they will be. Though the Captain or whatever rank he currently possesses was happy with the number of Dai Li we legally, because we invented the laws, brought in. 

The crowds were already building enough excitement, the mass chanting didn’t need to happen. Neither did some Blind Bandit fans getting into a fight with Boulder fans. “Do we execute them?” the Captain of the Dai Li asked. “ _Only_ threats to Her Imperial Majesty” “But it is a threat, one of them could become-” _Stop, stop planning for every eventuality. She’s Toph, not Kuei._ “Please don’t kill them, just nicely ask them to leave” and I watched two Dai Li walk over to the pair of people fighting and _rock glove them_ a couple times and drag them out of the arena. Between all the chanting and _singing_ -yes, each wrestler has their own anthem- nobody noticed the people being dragged out by excellently dressed, crisp and clean, agents of the Dai Li.

Xin Fu rose on an earthen platform in the middle of the arena. “Welcome to Earth Rumble Seven!” and because excitement couldn’t get higher, he let the crowd cheer. “And I am your host, Xin Fu!” and the crowd cheered even louder. “The rules are simple. Just knock the other guy out of the ring, and you win!” and he jumped up to a podium above the ring. _Other ‘guy.’ Even he knows who’s going to win_ . _Go Toph!  
_

“First up, Fire Nation Man versus...The Gecko!” and a couple people stood up holding signs in favor of the two. The two of us took to a serious discussion amidst earth rock slamming. “The _daofei_ are driven by poverty and the lands outside of Gaoling are plagued by it” “And what is the Monarchy supposed to do about that? Start handing out money? Estates?” but we were interrupted by Fire Nation Man singing a terrible anthem and the crowd booing him. Except a few young men in all-red. “Would you like us to execute-” “They’re wrestling fans”. Back to the discussion, “Would Your Majesty consider reducing the taxes?” “Did you not say the local tax collectors are corrupt?” “That’s correct, Your Majesty, but my officials can handle that-” “No they can’t.” “I assure-” and I was distracted by The Gecko, or that’s what I assume he is, though he looks more like a gecko-lizard, scrambling up the seats on the other side of the arena. Fire Nation Man’s boulders missed him because he kept climbing up the walls. I heard cheering, really close by, and looked to my right. _My own bodyguards_...

“Go Go Geck-o! Kick the Fire Nation Man back to the Fire Nation!” shouted a pair of Dai Li agents. “Are...why are you guys rooting for The Gecko?” “Because he’s...wait…” and they bowed “forgive us, Your Majesty” The Dai Li are people, after all. They have their own interests. Many are wrestling fans. Most like running, some like art, and some even have their own poetry clubs. Not that I can join, it’s supposedly a Dai Li only event and even though I _could_ join I respect their privacy. A correction, I’m afraid of their privacy. If I walk in there, I might end up in an unmarked grave on Lake Laogai Island. They might even take off their hats during those events. “Nah, go back to cheering” and one of the two smiled and went back to standing on top of his chair and cheering. “Just tell me why…” “He’s crawling on the walls like we are trained to do” the second one said “But you have rock gloves and rock boots, and don’t you _slide_ on the walls?” I countered, “Not everyone gets our training” the first one said, smirking. “Good enough for me, go back to enjoying the show” and I put a hand on the first one’s shoulder before sitting back down. “Go Go Geck-o!”

The Governor continued, as if all these events didn't happen. “I assure you, Your Majesty, my officials are of unwavering loyalty.” _You’re Harghasun._ “You were one of the highest ranked officials in Gaoling, right?” “That’s correct, Your Majesty” and he smiled. “And who _was_ your master” I said, knowing full well who it was. “Lord Lao Beifong” “And when a certain...let’s call it...opportunity, struck. Did you side with Lord Lao Beifong or your own self-interests?” and the whole room became just a bit darker. The shadows may have work to do. “I sided with Her Imperial Majesty’s edicts” he claimed. _Right, and I have two working eyes._ He might not be one of Lao’s spies, but he _did_ betray his lord. He betrayed his lord to serve us. “What’s to stop you from betraying us?” “Your Majesties have my unwavering support!” he said, wavering. The Dai Li caught on to what I was saying. They gave me that stone cold look, well _all_ their looks are stone cold. I held up my hand. “Later” “Later, what?” he said, confused. “We will finish discussing this later” and he kowtowed. The Gecko knocked Fire Nation Man out with a redirected boulder. The crowd applauded the action, regardless of the victor.

The Governor gave me this wary look of a possibly rout in the making. To that, I addressed him. “Oh...you aren’t leaving. No. We’ve got officials to discuss.” Xin Fu rose again. The Gecko walked down the wall, back to the preparation area beneath the arena. “Up next, the high-flying Headhunter versus the Big. Bad. Hippo!” and more of the crowd cheered. Including _other_ Dai Li agents. They noticed my one-eyed glare and explained themselves, somewhat nervous, with “We like the Headhunter”. I’m not even going to ask why. Probably related to grabbing people’s heads with rock gloves. The Big Bad Hippo stomped about on the stage, roaring. “Where is da hunter of heads?” and some guy decided to screech from somewhere in the darkness. _Hey Dai Li, now would be a great time to do your-_ but it turned out to be a mask wearing man swinging on a rope. He was in the wrong spot of the arena, being behind the Hippo. Now that I’m paying attention to what’s happening, I heard Xin Fu’s commentary. “The Headhunter’s going for the head!” _No, really? Next, you'll tell me the One-Eyed Badgermole -a great wrestling name- wields a dao._

He had a flat earth disc in one hand and was holding onto the rope with the other. He screamed some more as he came in towards the Hippo. As he was about to crash into the Hippo, he tossed his earth disc. It smashed against the Hippo’s head and with a single small foot stomp he -the Hippo- caused the arena to tilt. “The Hippo’s rocking the arena!” The Headhunter smacked his face into the tilted arena and rolled towards the Hippo. At the last minute, he got up and pulled earth discs out of the ground. Why earth discs? I don’t know. He tossed a set at his large opponent. “Can the Hippo survive the barrage?!?” the loud Xin Fu yelled, pointing. Some crashed against him and broke, one was bit into pieces. “The Hippo is eating ‘em up!” The Headhunter ran forward pulling more earth discs out, the Hippo broke them against his wrists. When the high-flying attacker met the steadfast defender, the latter stomped the ground and smacked the former with earth column after earth column, before grabbing the former with one hand and tossing him out of the arena. “The Hippo wins!” and said contender made the arena level before jumping off and going down to the preparation area. _I don’t have time for this_.

“Governor, while I trust your wisdom in local matters, surely you would agree that the rural officials are incompetent?” I set him up for a no-win situation on his end. Either he agrees and I get my excuse to audit them or he disagrees and he gets arrested for treason. “Your Majesty, I cannot vouch for rural regional officials. Only my Magistrates” _Really? Last week you claimed to control “all” of Gaoling._ “The Gopher!” Xin Fu shouted loud enough to break my sentence. “I’m glad you agree" I formally said to him, and I grabbed a scroll and began drafting a document. “Winner of Earth Rumble Four, it’s The Boulder!” and the crowd was in an absolute uproar. Not the Dai Li, but the rest of the audience. People were holding up “The Boulder” signs. Only now did I notice that people had “The Boulder” shirts with his face on them. Some quilted worse than others. Others had The Boulder pennants and were waving them around. I’d wager the Earth Rumble uses The Boulder as their main source of income.

“Governor, what would you propose we do about the rural officials?” I asked with a kind of sharp tone that a Princess would use when auditing her officials. The kind that is followed by the cold flame. He hesitated again. “We...wouldn’t it be wise to consult the local magistrates, Your Majesty?” _Only for them to tell us the same thing you told us about your officials. Everyone’s always of absolute loyalty_ . I resisted the urge to raise my eyebrow. I was not going to be taken emotionally by him. “So you’re blaming this _daofei_ crisis on them?” “Not exactly...but...yes...” he said with a dismayed face, “...Your Majesty” I didn't care for his depression, most of which was self-induced. “Do you have your seal?” and he summoned one of his household staff who had been, up until then, standing at attention just up the stairs from us. She bowed and handed him his seal. “Good, stamp this paper” I ordered her, pointing at it. “But its empty, Your Majesty,” she replied, giving me the face of 'are you inebriated', which is a offensive suggestion to even...think of. I replied, as appropriate to my goals, “ _That’s not up for discussion_ , guards, the stamp” and I waved them over. One rock glove later, it was in my hand. “Your Majesty?” he said, shocked. _Stamp_. “Thank you, Governor” and I began writing on the scroll. 

I inscribed that the Governor of Gaoling blames the _daofei_ crisis on the Magistrates of the Gaoling -and greater Nantu- region. “Are you not going to stamp it, Your Majesty?” he asked, trembling as he suspected what I did. My voice honest and clear, “Why would I? This is your word, not Her Majesty’s wishes or my interpretation of Her Majesty’s wishes” and I turned to the side and tapped on one of the Dai Li agents who was fixated on watching The Boulder parry The Gopher’s tunneling. Once he saw my _look_ and the scroll in my hand, he dropped his lightheartedness and got up. “Take this and take and an escort and get this copied at the postal station. I’d like fifty copies. Send a courier to me once it is done. ” And he bowed, then he retrieved his other half -who went from cheering to stone cold- and four other waiting agents. They bowed and set off. 

“Your Majesty, why so many?” the quivering man asked. “Does that concern you?” “Your Majesty, this is _my_ city” “-And this is _Her_ Majesty’s Region of Nantu.” and he took some deep breaths. Then he resumed that traditional minister’s neutral face. “What does Your Majesty intend to do?” “Find the officials who allowed the _daofei_ to rise up” I answered a question he didn’t ask. _There were none. Daofei aren’t helped by officials. Rebels are._ I sat there watching the match, waiting for the Governor to reply. The Gopher came up underneath The Boulder but The Boulder hit _him_ from beneath with a rock pillar. Before The Gopher could react, The Boulder hit him with another three rock pillars and knocked him out of the ring. Elements of the crowd, organized into their own sections, started chanting “The Boulder!” and a food server showed up. I and most of the staff rejected his offerings but two pairs of Dai Li bought some pig-chicken on a stick, a bowl of cookies, and a flask of local whiskey.

Then the Governor returned. “What will Your Majesty do once all the lowest level officials are dead?” _Clever. How clever. There’s a reason you betrayed Lao, there’s a reason you’ve got the title of Governor._ Xin Fu named the next fight. “The Boulder, versus...The Gecko!” My response? “Replace them. Any suggestions for applicants?” I continued, and I expected him to say “my officials” but no. He didn’t. “I don’t know, Your Majesty. I’d need to consult with the rosters” _rosters you didn’t bring? How come?_ “And where _are_ these rosters?” “My office over in the center of Gaoling” _Ah, yes. Lao’s old town center in the middle of Gaoling. Correction, it was built by one of his ancestors. Lu?_

“After this match, I’d like those rosters copied and sent to Ba Sing Se.” “Why? Wouldn’t it-” but he cut himself off. I caught it, much to his regret. “Were you going to suggest something?” “No, Your Majesty.” _Yes you were._ So why did I want the rosters? We’d go to Ba Sing Se and consult with all the old men who have no other job than to go over these exact kinds of lists and come up with the most talented among them. Or, now that I think about it, maybe not. 

The Fire Nation has a Royal Examination system for becoming an officer in the Royal Army. Ministers are simply whatever nobility is loyal to the current Fire Lord and is in the right place at the right time with the right merits. But why not expand that? The Royal Exams test one’s intellect on history, strategy, tactics and other such relevant fields. What if we took that and made it for the government instead? Anyone can apply to the Royal Exams but it stands to reason that the only ones who pass are those that go through the more prestigious academies. In theory, a young man, fresh from high school, with no military experience, could take the exams and pass. And for those who are sons of officers, that tends to be the legal inroad to becoming an officer.

What if we took that system and expanded it? The Earth Empire has countless millions of citizens. Surely the smarter ones shouldn’t be resigned to march off to an early grave on a nonsensical campaign. If someone has potential, they should be recognized. I’m not experienced enough to draw up these plans, but I wrote down “take Royal Exams and replicate them for low level officials”. I do know a man who’d have the answers. That’s a perk of being the Imperial Consort, I actually _know_ of people who could make use of these ideas. And once we return to Ba Sing Se I’m going to find Tieguai the Immortal, or let him find me, and consult him. _Note to self, give Lao Ge the position of Imperial Tutor._

When Xin Fu rose once more, the crowd was ecstatic. “Next up, The Gecko versus The Big Bad Hippo! Winner fights The Boulder!” and the two challengers rose. On to the Army. “Governor, you possess a garrison contingent of the Imperial Army, or am I mistaken?” and he nodded. “I do. A couple thousand guarding the Gaoling River and the approaches to the city”. “And what would happen, let’s say, if Her Imperial Majesty recalled this army for a different campaign?” and he froze. “I...the South would remain undefended. What campaign is Your Majesty suggesting a need-”, “I’m interpreting a theoretical desire” and he gave me this confused look like he didn’t understand what I said. _Well I made it up to confuse you, there’s no such thing as a theoretical desire_. “You would agree that a local, standing, army, is needed, correct?” and he nodded. 

I paid the arena fight little attention. The Gecko was scurrying across the arena ceiling and walls, letting The Hippo wear himself out with boulder tosses. One boulder was sent flying right towards us but the Dai Li smashed it apart mid-air with rock gloves. _Remind me to pay you all in whiskey_ . Back with the Governor, “So, Governor, you admit that you need a local standing army, right?” “I...yes, Your Majesty” “Why?” “For a local security force...against…” and instantly tp a depressed tone, “the local _daofei_ ”. _I’m glad our diplomacy’s getting somewhere_ . I looked around, “which one of you has the Governor’s stamp?” and an agent presented it while bowing. _Good_. 

The Gecko ran across the ceiling, the Hippo sending more and more strikes, roaring with each one, but as his strikes went, they became less accurate and more wild. The Gecko ran on the arena, on all fours, dodging large pieces of shrapnel from a set of smashing rocks. When he finally neared The Hippo, The Hippo jumped up and down, causing the whole arena to shake. The Gecko held on and with a few palm slices, cut the ground The Hippo was on out from under him, sending the latter out of the arena. Another win for The Gecko. The Dai Li, as to be expected, were joyous. “This year, maybe he’ll even defeat The Boulder!” None of them were going to dare say he’d beat The Blind Bandit but second place -when second place is one behind the Earth Empress- is a great achievement for anyone to reach.

The new semi-final challenger was given an intermission with which to recover. During this intermission, I could’ve either: had food, had a bottle of whiskey, talked to Suki or Wuhan about life, had a conversation with the new agents sitting at my side, continue harassing this Governor over his absolutely incompetent rulership or ponder a standing army. Because I _love_ the work and _love_ giving myself more of it, I picked the last option.

The Earth Empire, well, Kingdom, both always and never had local standing armies. Yes, I’m aware that doesn’t make sense. And here’s why. On a continent wide level, the ‘standing army’ was the Imperial, back then, Royal, Army. The Army of Earth Kings and Earth Avatars. The oldest military force in world history. For as long as an Earth Monarch sits upon the Badgermole Throne, the Royal Army swore lifelong fealty to the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits. That’s what they’ll teach in history classes, at least. In reality, the Royal Army is akin to what the Fire Nation curricula taught. An unorganized mob given a flag, the best equipment they can find the dawn of the battle, and a very loud man to shout which way to run towards. Their loyalty was to their officers, not the monarch. The Kings of Omashu couldn’t be bothered to fight the Hundred Year War, the only reason they weren’t fighting us was because the Fire Nation posed a nearby, regional, threat to their rule. They were a Free City in everything but name long before Toph went ahead with that ruling. And now that they are a Free City, all their civil unrest isn’t our problem.

The Royal Army swore allegiance to us? I don’t think so. Half the civil wars, _we’ve had an average of five per monarch and there’s fifty three not counting pretenders going back from Toph to Huang_ , were led by Generals who swore allegiance to the Badgermole Throne who sensed opportunity and gobbled it up like Toph and a hippo-cow steak. Our mass curricula, should that ever be brought over from the Fire Nation, will probably _teach_ that the Imperial Army is this immortal, everlasting, bastion of peace, but that’s because telling your working class about rebellions isn’t a good idea. Especially when the Army is comprised of peasantry. Down-trodden peasantry, at that. 

And that’s on the nationwide level. On regional levels, there have always been militias levied to arms. The local tribal chief, strongman, strongwoman, Earth Priest, tends to be the figure the militia gather around. And by gathering around I mean he or she tells them which way to run and where to point their bamboo stakes. The militias of the Earth Empire are woefully terrible. The Fire Nation _shouldn’t_ have almost won the Hundred Year War. We outnumber them, I don’t know, a hundred-to-one in manpower? Back when the War began, they didn’t even have tanks. 

So how did they win? We are just _that_ bad. Our troops are loyal to their village leader, not us. They’re loyal to their homes, which makes sense considering the size of the continent and the age-old truth that we’ve killed more of our own in but a few civil wars then had died to every foreign invader from a minor Prince of a Fire Island Principality, Northern Water Tribe raider, Southern Water Tribe chief, and so on. With that in mind, the people of the Earth Kingdom are strong of heart and rock of head. Someone like Toph, the perfect populist, strolls into Ba Sing Se? Think of it like a village strongwoman on a _continent wide_ scale. That recognition recognized, one cannot forget _what_ they are leading. Militia. Barely trained farmers. And to bring my inner monologue back to Gaoling, we _want_ to keep this piece of green in the bluish green and not let it fall over to the...blue? A different color? Lighter green? Swamp green? There's many who would gladly take a lax rule and decide to no longer pay their taxes.

The Gecko versus The Boulder was up next. Was I going to watch it? No. We’ve got a military to talk about. The Dai Li also wouldn’t stop whining about the safety of Toph, which is quite distracting. I _ordered_ them to stop worrying and grab some whiskey, sit back, and watch the show. Because I wasn’t going to and I wanted to know how it was going. And the Dai Li were already cheering, some obtained The Gecko pennants, chanting for The Boulder’s _rocky_ downfall. 

“Governor, would you say your troops are loyal to you and your wishes?” and as expected, I got a “of course, Your Majesty, they will do anything I tell them to” answer. “That’s great. By the wish of Her Majesty, I’m disbanding your troops” and he gave me this frightened look. “How did Her Imperial Majesty…” “This is an edict of Her Imperial Majesty” and out of respect to the name, he kowtowed. “Your Majesty, what will you replace them with?” and as The Boulder knocked his opponent off the ceiling with a rock pillar, “A new army. An army loyal to the Badgermole Throne,” “Your Majesty, my troops _are_ loyal to the Badgermole Throne!” he said, once again scared. _No they aren’t. They’re loyal to you. You just said so yourself. Don’t make me find Her Imperial Truth Teller._

“How will Your Majesty create this new army? What will it be comprised of?” and I didn’t have an answer. So I looked to the people standing around me. “Captain Wuhan, Captain Suki, any ideas?” and I relaxed and enjoyed watching the two of them think things through. “Serving three Earth Monarchs and becoming Captain of the Guard has taught me that organization comes first.” Wuhan said, giving that hint of an arrogant smile. _I saw that Wuhan._ I grabbed a scroll and began writing. I like Wuhan and he’s got the experience to _sound_ smart. It’s hard to become Captain of the Royal, now Imperial, Earthbending, now Metalbending, Guard. Harder still as a ‘barbarian.’ “Organization’s first. An army cannot function without a hierarchy. A chain of command. Otherwise it’s a band of farmers with sticks and a loud person screaming. Captains, any ideas?” and once more, I let them think. The Gecko was resisting The Boulder’s strikes and ran from one side of the arena seats to the other, forcing The Boulder to stop his running and try to predict where The Gecko would flee to. 

Suki and Wuhan opened their mouths at the same time and spent a prolonged time figuring out who should go first. “You’ve got more experience” “You’re blood of Kyoshi” and Wuhan’s humility won out. Not that it mattered, this wasn’t a competition. We’re all on the same side, except _those_ of us who aren’t. “Avatar Kyoshi formed Warrior Lodges. Each Lodge had a Captain...” and she winked, _oh, the show off_ , “...each Captain led ten bands of six.” and she turned to Wuhan for the next part, “...there’s not that many of us, while we maintained isolationism during the Hundred Year War it didn’t mean Chin raiders didn’t come south to harass us. When I took over from Koko the Sixth, there were only a hundred Warriors on the whole island. Only a thousand people, total. Koko abandoned the North Lodge and had all Warriors fall under the remaining Main Lodge.” _Thanks for the backstory, Sukes_. “Your Majesty, I know you’re probably thinking about how boring all that was” _thanks Sukes,_ “but the ten bands of six system worked well when we had the numbers.”

“As Captain, I didn’t have to tell every single girl where to go. I could tell two team leaders to flank left, four to hold center, two to flank right and two to wait in reserve. And I didn’t have to worry about every girl’s actions. The team leaders were capable enough to handle their squads and issue both simple and complicated commands. Every girl knew who her team leader was and who to group up on. From an outside perspective, every girl has, at most, nine other people who she is a direct equal with. And since all our girls knew each other, we trained together, we wrestled together, we swam together, we bothered the Consort together, we were a team even when we _weren’t_ in makeup. Take this as my wisdom, Your Majesty: Keep the number of lowest level officers high and the number of footsoldiers to low level officer low.” and I scribbled down “high number of low level officers, think Kyoshi Warrior Lodges”. 

As The Boulder smashed The Gecko with a _hill_ of earth, Wuhan spoke up. “Your Majesty, the tribes of the North lack the standardized armies of the Badgermole Throne. We never had commanderies, regional magistrates or the Council of Five. Instead, we are grouped into hunting parties. Could be anywhere from ten to twenty five to a party. Most parties were fifteen men large. Compared to the thousands of men to an army of the Earth Kingdom, it doesn't sound like much.” Somewhere in there, I sensed a hint of anger towards the Earth Kingdom. Well justified anger. For thousands of years Her Imperial Majesty’s predecessors fought tirelessly to ‘civilize’ the North. Each campaign failed miserably. Long Feng, as a young administrator in the Fifty First Earth King’s court, pushed for an edict that made ‘barbarians’ legally equal to the rest of the Earth Kingdom. It is due to him that Wuhan was even allowed to serve in the Royal Guard. From there, he worked his way up before his boss, the former Captain, was fried with electricity.

“We used to be led by the strongest of our clan. My father, Kozel, led a band comprised of my uncles, brothers and the other men from our village. Since we all came from the same village, we had a tight-knit bond from childhood until death. We hunted together, we feasted together, we prayed together, we fought together and often we died together. Even if we weren’t blood brothers, we were like blood. When Water Tribe raiders would come on their kayaks and cutters, our bands would come together under the leader of our Chief. The Chief of all the tribe. He would tell the strongmen, like my father, where to go and what to do. If there was a large enough Water Tribe incursion, he’d request a council with the rest of the tribes. The Majia, Xainza, Si Gou, and Weiyi. The Tribes would form a massive war party to fight the invaders. We’d work together, fielding a few thousand total, and drive the Northerners back to their desolate icecaps. Once done, the coalition would disband and we’d return to our tribal lands.” He was interrupted by The Boulder defeating The Gecko with a earth-mountain backbreaker. The Dai Li were stone cold, sure, but I could sense the ground shaking. _They want blood_ . _They want to snap The Boulder’s neck_.

“I grew up with these fifteen man parties. From what Captain Suki said, it sounds like Your Majesty did, too. Compared to the Royal Army of the Fifty First Earth King, our parties were more cohesive. We knew our leaders, they knew us. Like the Warriors of Avatar Kyoshi, we also spent our days hunting and training together. Your Majesty...here is my experience: Have the army be formed by people from the same region. Don’t throw different ethnic groups together like the Imperial Army. Local leaders know their populations better than a ruler who may appear foriegn to them. The hunting parties work on an independant level and when grouped together” and I thanked him and wrote down his advice. “I shall take both of your statements and bring them before the Council of Five,” and I gave a head bow to the two. Suki continued smirking, _yes you’re the best Suki_ and Wuhan looked at peace. 

After another break of time spent writing, Xin Fu rode his earth pillar up and stomped the ground. The Boulder wibbled and wobbled his chest. The lights -some kind of powerful lantern- _that I only just noticed right now_ coated the room in as-bright-as- _Ahh-my-eyes_ -daylight. “Now, the moment” and the lights dimmed and focused on him, “you’ve all been waiting for. The Boulder, versus...” and I watched the challenger’s platform rise through the arena. Two female assistants came first, dressed like it’s summertime which I’ll allow. Between the two heads, a short figure with a black bun of hair, her bun-holding _that’s all that keeps that bun done up_ bracelet _without pom poms_ and...a cape? Oh, and also she was holding a green championship belt in her hands. “Your champion...the Blind Bandit!” and I _watched_ the Dai Li almost bite their rock fingers off. Suki was giving me an eyebrow gesture, probably a _that’s-our-Empress_ and Wuhan _wasn’t_ praying. No wait, he was. I might’ve noticed other things -like the entire crowd cheering- but I was too busy being star-crossed. _And no, Suki, if you get to go oogie-eyes for Sokka then I get to go oogie-eyed, singular, for the Earth Empress_ . _That’s called being fair_ . _Go Toph!_ When Toph raised her championship belt over her head, the crowd erupted in “Blind Bandit!” chants and “woohoo” and other such cheers. One assistant detached her cape and the other received her _her-_ length belt. 

“Suki, I’ll give you ten gold if Her Imperial Majesty can beat The Boulder in five moves or less” “Throw in a ‘whatever I want you to say’ to Katara and you’re on” she said, being funny. _You drive a hard price_ . “Deal” and we laughed. But we were serious. I had to turn back to the nail-biting Dai Li and go “she’s got this” and attempt and fail to reassure them. One of them went “look! The Boulder is scared!” in an inside voice and the hive mind was satisfied. They might not kill him today. Tomorrow? Sure. He _is_ fighting the Earth Empress. That’s a death sentence.

“The Boulder has missed fighting The Blind Bandit” The Boulder said, speaking in third-person. “Who knew The Sandman had a heart?” The Blind Bandit said in her sarcastic and mocking voice. “The Boulder is unsure of fighting a girl who has barely changed in so long” and The Blind Bandit pointed at him and laughed. “Sounds like The Pebble’s scared of losing again” and that got The Boulder to tense up. “The Boulder does not pity such a young girl. The Boulder is mourning” and the crowd went “ooh”. “Whenever you’re ready to die, The Pebble” and the crowd went “ooh” some more. “The Boulder feels bad that a young girl will face his rockalanche” and The Blind Bandit leaned back, laughing hysterically. “The last guy I slept with gave me a ‘rockalanche’ and I’m still here. Whenever you’re ready for round two, The Pebble” And before I could comprehend what she said, the battle began. Our talks were interrupted by actions.

As he took a step forward, he pulled the arena in front of him up into a plate. “Your Majesty, if a standardized army is created, surely it would be for peacekeeping?” the Governor rudely asked or maybe stated. The Boulder launched that plate at her while he bellowed some kind of war cry. “It’s going to be an army. Armies fight wars” I replied, annoyed. She kicked a fissure at the plate, cutting it apart. “Are we going to war soon?” he asked, definitely an ask. The Boulder took another step forward and pulled two boulders out of the ground. “If Her Imperial Majesty orders me to lead a siege, I don’t ask why-” She tapped the ground with her heel while he tossed his right boulder. “Your Majesty, we need an era of _peace_ ” A fissure was sent across the arena and just before it hit, The Boulder tossed the second boulder. “There’s no such thing. For as long as Her Imperial Majesty is tough-”. The fissure caught one of his feet, making him unbalanced and fall over. “Your Majesty, Her Imperial Majesty is a delicate _flower_ -” _Nobody calls Toph a flower. Nobody_. Something...called to me at that moment. Toph smashed the first boulder with her face and turned to the side, letting the second one fly by. “Her Imperial Majesty mentioned deflowering. Who did the deflowering? Your-” She kicked a fissure at The Boulder, knocking him on his back. I elbowed the Governor in the nose. She finger stabbed The Boulder and a single earth pillar sent The Boulder out of the arena. The Governor shrieked and fell down. As he went flying, she pointed and laughed. Suki and Wuhan drew their weapons and pointed them at the fallen governor.

The entire arena was cheering. The Dai Li next to me noticed _what had just happened_ and grabbed the Governor and his retinue. I’m sure the Dai Li on the other side of the seating watched this and skated over. “Your Majesty, I meant no-” _slam._ “You fail as a governor, fine. You dare call Her Imperial Majesty a flower? You _dare_ to bring up her…” I couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t finish the sentence. _Slam._ His face? Meet a stone seat. _Slam_. “Agents, bring him and his retinue to the carriage”. “Your winner, and still the champion, the Blind Bandit!” and Toph punched the air in victory. Xin Fu jumped down with a small green pouch in his hand. I was busy crutching my way after the Dai Li and the Governor’s small force. We discreetly left the arena. “Take him and his men to the carriage, in the name of Her Imperial Majesty I order they be placed under arrest! Suki, Wuhan, six agents, with me!” and the two groups split up. My group went back inside and weaved our way through the massive, probably drunk, crowd, going the other way. The Dai Li helped scout and find Toph, who happened to be below the arena in a dimly lit area. 

Toph greeted us with a crafty grin. The other wrestlers were watching us from afar. “Where’s the Governor?” She asked while everyone but me kowtowed. “I had him arrested for-” but was cut off by her turning red. “Did he hurt Qiang?” and I felt the ground quake. “No, he said you were deflowered” and her anger became laughter. Laughter. She was laughing at this. So I added something else quite truthful, “...And he’s incompetant”. “That makes more sense,” and she calmed down.

“Now, for what you’ll say to Katara...” Suki nudged me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the first of the Imperial Dai Li Choir's songs! And some cuddletime between the two Imperials as they revisit the Beifong Estate. 
> 
> Boring Encyclopedia Notes for fun Rumbling:  
> -Geography: Sangzhen commanery is just west of Gaoling, along the Gaoling River. Zhaibei commandery and the town of Hekeng sit across the Gaoling on the southern bank.  
> -The two Dai Li agents, Wei and Shen, and this is the first of many, many, times we will see them. They're the best.  
> \--------------  
> -In case it wasn't explained, Lao Beifong lied and schemed his way to try and get someone of Avatar's blood to then combine with his daughter's to produce a strong earthbending heir. It's inspired by Azulon wedding Ozai and Ursa together in the name of blood.  
> -Even when the Avatar did return, Lao wasn't going to cancel his arraigned marriage. He had nothing to 'give', he wasn't going to give Kyoshi Island the gold, and he had a rival power (the descendants of Kyoshi) stripped of one of their last.  
> -The entire core of this AU, Toph choosing to go do her own thing before the Avatar arrived. All she needed was someone mad enough to suggest it. Mori as a character is a sidekick, and sure we follow his thoughts and his writings, but he's always going to be the sidekick.
> 
> This is Toph's story -even if we don't get it from her perspective- and everything else is part of it. The two's relationship, while lacking in romance in a traditional sense, makes up for it in how the two show affection. She's glad for his loyalty, he's glad she's safe and well.  
> \-------------  
> -Mori's never met Xin Fu before. That's because ERVI took place at the same time as Toph's coronation.  
> -Toph likes foot massages. And all kinds of massages.
> 
> -Lord Lao Beifong has a puppet government in New Taku. For reference, New Taku is this world's version of Cranefish Town/Republic City because Loban named it after the old city of Taku that's not far northeast of it. It's at the same location as RC due to the Tienhai Statue.  
> -The government style is based on what I think an idealistic teenager would install as a government. Anyone can be elected and short terms so there's changes in power. Of course, it's a terrible idea for a democracy but most teenagers (including Mori) aren't that smart. Mori's just more worldly, having fought in campaigns and dealt with lots of bonkers stuff.  
> -New Taku will return. It's currently the main plot, though it will get side-tracked by smaller arcs and events.  
> -The Water Tribe system of rule, Chiefs, is akin to an elective monarchy but for lower level titles.  
> -The 'world meeting' references the later part of Records when a meeting was held on the fate of the Colonies and Mori decided to make it democratic because he thought that the Colonies would unanimously favor staying in the Empire. They voted to push it off until after the War's end.  
> -The Dai Li love the Gecko, second only to their Empress.
> 
> -There's some symbolism to the Earth Rumble (physical fight) and Mori v Harghasun (political fight) being simultaneous. One, some irony in a battle taking place while a verbal battle takes place, and two, the reader's eye to be focused on the more important of the two: the political battle. Because politics is mightier than any one's strength. Institutions, especially. Toph can win the Badgermole Throne but she's not a bureaucrat. 
> 
> -Mori versus Harghasun is a demonstration of all he learned from Azula. Namely the precise questioning and approach to solutions. And blackmail. Turns out Azula's got alot in common with Kyoshi's ethics if twisted. Direct, to the point, unbreakable by nonsense. She's also got alot in common with how the Dai Li conduct themselves. 
> 
> -Mori admits in the stupidity of many of the campaigns, mostly because he's faced leading some of them himself.  
> -The discussion on army reforms will come back in future. Eagle-eyed views will note the similarities between Wuhan and Nurhaci's hunting parties, the prequel to the Qing Dynasty Banner Armies. 
> 
> -You can't blame Mori for getting defensive. This governor is corrupt, lying, and now he dares to mention Toph's 'deflowering', aka consummation. If there's one thing Mori will punch someone over, it's defending the sanctity of his beloved.


	11. A Governor and a Choir Walk Into a Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Dai Li Choir and the new Governor of Gaoling! Oh, and our two Imperials share a hug.

Chapter Seventy-Seven:

We ran back to the train. Toph was sweaty and energized from the fight, Suki’s got endless endurance, Wuhan has earth waves and the Dai Li carried me with their rock gloves. The streets were still empty as was normal at night. The Earth Rumble parties had yet to begin. And if someone happened to be awake in the middle of the night, all they’d see is some shadows jumping from rooftop to rooftop while an Imperial Guard, a Kyoshi Warrior and the Blind Bandit ran down the street. Had this been later, we may have had to wade through a crowd of drunk partiers. But it was still a  _ normal  _ night. A perfect night to remove the Governor from power.

“Your Majesty!” the Imperial Guard who stood guard half a block from the private train station, where our carriage was parked, shouted. Then they kowtowed. Far off, a man cried “Her Imperial Majesty has returned!” And horns blared to signal the return of the Earth Empress. She went past them, went past the Dai Li bowing, went past the platoon of Dai Li herding the Governor and his household, up to a platform where a loud animal roared. 

“Qiang! You’re alright!” she yelled girlishly. The Dai Li helped me catch up to her just in time to see Lord Qiangyang lick her. Then he grumbled. “Yes, I  _ am  _ sweaty”  _ grumble _ , “I just won Earth Rumble!” and she took off the belt she had tossed over her shoulder. So he licked her again. “No, you can’t get the belt”  _ grumble _ , “oh, you want to lick Kyoshi?” and I knew what was coming next. I looked from side to side at the two Dai Li who had carried me and mumbled “just carry me there” and they nodded. As Toph bossily went “Kyoshi!”, they jumped down and brought me to her foot. Literally. “You two are  _ good _ ” I commented, I sensed their appreciation of validation. “Kyoshi” she grabbed my collar. Lord Qiangyang stuck out his wet tongue and wagged it in front of me.  _ Lick _ . Lick  _ and  _ a shoulder punch. _Listen I love being a punching bag_ _but_...

“Now, what was this about the Governor?” she asked, resuming her normal voice.  _ I...didn’t we tell you.  _ “He’s over there, maybe he’ll confess” and I pointed at the man who was watching us from behind a circular wall of Dai Li. Then I remembered Toph’s inabilities and went “the man surrounded by other men” and she turned her head to face him. He knelt out of sight as she stomped over to him. I was about to go after her, but not before one more  _ lick  _ from Lord Qiangyang. Suki found all this funny and was laughing. “Stop laughing or I’ll  _ order  _ you to be licked by him,” I said, trying to not laugh. “Oh Lord Qiangyang, lick me!” she said, tossing her arms out as if to embrace in a hug. He licked her and she giggled. “Your...your makeup” and she wiped her face and found her white makeup on her hands. _Don't say I didn't warn you. Because I didn't_.

“Governor, what did you say that got you arrested?” Toph said, her casual voice not matching the circumstances. I hobbled over to her and got to her side. The Dai Li in front of him took a step to the left and right, respectively, to let him face her. When he turned away, the men behind him grabbed him and forced him to the ground. He didn’t struggle. “I...made a comment about you...being deflowered” and Toph let out a booming laugh, forcing her to toss her head back. “Your Majesty, he also admitted his troops were loyal to him, not the Badgermole Throne” and her head snapped back to locking onto him with her lifeless gaze. “My men will always be loyal to Your Majesty” he pleaded, his hands out in a kowtow. “That’s a lie” she said, coldly. I tossed in more. “His tax collectors have been stealing our tax money. His officials are loyal to his interests, not ours.” and Toph took a few steps forward. Only a few steps from a pair of tiny legs was enough to make his neutral composure break and have him in tears. 

“My officials have been...keeping the money for our city. We...they aren’t loyal to Your Majesty, but I am!” he wailed. “Truth, truth, and  _ lie _ ” and she took a step forward for each comment. “Guards! Arrest this man!” she shouted in her commanding tone, and I’m sure somewhere beneath those conical hats, those were the words these people were waiting for. “What about his household?” the Captain of the Dai Li asked. “They’re free to do as they wish.” and the men and women he was with looked at us and one of them went “can we join Your Majesties’ staff?” Whether Toph was being benevolent or spontaneous, we may never know. But she agreed. 

“Grab everything from his town center and get me his successor!” and she stormed off. “Where are you going?” I asked. “Home.” and she walked  _ away  _ from the train, down the main street.  _ Which home?  _ “May I come along?” I called out from where I was standing. “Sure”, and two Dai Li grabbed me and carried me after her. Suki and Wuhan joined us once more. The Captain of the Dai Li requested I tell him where we were going and Toph went “I haven’t been back in my house, time to visit it” and I took that to translate it to “the Beifong Estate”. _That home_.

A pair of men dressed in white and green stood in front of the gate to enter the large mansion. The gate itself had less torches than I remember, but the large flying boar was still illuminated. “Who goes there?” the first shouted. One of the two waved his torch around. We  _ were  _ walking on a dimly lit street, so it's not his fault. Toph stopped, almost causing me to trip over her. She pointed at the man on the left. “Fong-Lee? Is that you?” she asked, her voice much higher than I remember it. I watched him drop his spear. “Toph?  _ Toph _ ?” he said, completely bewildered. “Wait...I meant...Your Majesty!” and he kowtowed. The other guy joined him in a kowtow. She strode up to them and smiled. “How are you, Yong-Lee?” and he sounded like he was about to faint. “I’m...we…” and then he fainted. _Thud_.   


The gate once seemed so massive. Now, whether it's because I grew in height or because I’ve seen bigger walls, it looks much smaller. It opened for us. Once again, I looked up at the gatehouse. A few torch holding souls were walking around the grounds. Just as they were so long ago. Just as they will until the end of time. Toph rolled around on the dirt, doing somersaults and kicking up small pillars. Courtiers filed out of the large structure to witness their Empress rolling back and forth through mud. “Welcome home, Your Majesty” one of the courtiers, I remember his voice, announced. “Let’s hold a meeting in the living room!” Toph said while face first in the dirt, in a mockery of a voice I haven’t heard in a year. 

The Beifong Estate has something...imposing...about it. Last time I walked through the grand double doors, I felt like a prisoner. And Toph _was_ a prisoner. That’s why she took to running through the halls, tracking as much mud in with her as she wants. Wuhan gave me a curious glance and Suki somehow got it without a word. We followed the cheers of happiness before reaching the main hall. It’s just another thing that felt grand and imposing a year ago. Now? It’s just a room with some cushions. And Toph took to sitting where her father once did. “I’m the Lord of Gaoling now! Woohoo!” and she threw her hands up in happiness. I hobbled over to her and knelt on the exact same cushion, still in its spot, that I did a year prior. The last time I was here, I was dressed in simple clothes. And had two eyes. And my queue was a topknot. Now? I’m wearing a robe that costs more than this entire mansion.  


I asked the staff, who were shuffling past me to offer Toph teacups, what they were doing here. “Lord Beifong left all of us behind to maintain the ancestral home” and Toph was surprised. “You...all of you are free to go wherever you wish. I don’t keep prisoners” and I  _ felt  _ that last sentence. Especially that last word. “Your Majesty, we...we have no home to go to. This  _ is  _ our home” and Toph laughed. “It’s also mine, and all of you remember what happened to  _ me _ !” and she pounded her fist into one of the cushions. 

“We do. It…” and the woman who was speaking to us broke her formal voice “...it was a nightmare.” and that sparked Wuhan’s interest. “What was a nightmare?”  _ Our escape _ _was, of course_. “Lord Beifong had never been angrier in his life. He ordered his men and the entire garrison to search every home in the city. Nobody knew where you...where Your Majesty went. He sparked rioting and accused the Limlos and Chibi-Pions of kidnapping you. So he demanded their heads. When some of the Limlos survived and ran north, he claimed a traitor in the household and that’s why there’s only a couple of us here.” 

Toph was taken aback. As were the rest of us. What could we say that hadn’t been said? Lao loved nothing more than his daughter. Love may not be the right word, but he was quite protective of her. And he loved keeping her a secret from the world. So much so that once I...joined the House of the Flying Boar, I was not to return to Kyoshi Island or send letters to my family for...years. As they later explained, “when he heard of Your Majesty’s ascension, he sent letters and tribute to you”.  _ Of course, bribes _ . “When we received a letter ordering his arrest, he took off and now he lives on the coast”.  _ Where he remains _ . Toph had this look of...shock. Like all the weight of what they said fell on her. She got off her cushioned seat and went down the hallway to her old bedroom. Or that’s where I assumed she went. So I set off, the exact path memorized from when I was escorted to it. 

One of the household staff handed me a torch and I walked through the darkness before coming upon her bedchamber. She had pulled off her wrestler outfit and was in the process of getting under a blanket. The same blanket. Silk, white, green and gold, embroidered with motifs of the Beifong sigil. I stuck the torch in a torch holder. “Your Majesty-” I got hit in the face with a hair bracelet. “You know,  _ Kyoshi _ , all I wanted...” and she buried her head in a pillow. “Was for my father to appreciate  _ me _ ” and I walked over to sit down on the bed. “Let me guess, you regret leaving because these people lost their homes”. Now she tossed the  _ pillow  _ at me. “Why would I?” she said, sounding much tougher than normal.  _ We both know you’re lying _ . “You regret all the things that happened to all these people”  _ here, have my hand, maybe you’ll enjoy it _ . “...all things that I caused.” she said, muffled through a second pillow she had. 

Offering advice Kyoshi herself probably used, “we can’t change what was. We can only act on what will be with the knowledge of where we succeeded and where we failed-” And I got a pillow whacked in my face.  _ You know, my nose still hurts.  _ “What are you, Twinkletoes?” she asked, as abrasive as sand.  _ I...very close. Yes _ . “I don’t hate him. I just want...I just want” but she couldn’t keep going. She shed a tear.  _ Here, have a hug _ . And she, thankfully, didn’t punch me in the face. So we enjoyed a moment of hugging. Well, her crying and me sitting there trying not to involuntarily go “ow you’re squeezing things that shouldn’t be squeezed because my chest and sides still hurt” and making my chest numb.   


Maybe it was a few moments, maybe it was the whole night, we don’t know. Don’t care. Her ability to speak returned. “I wanted his respect. That’s it-”  _ okay, continue squeezing my chest, that’s fine _ .  _ Ow _ . “All the money he spent. On the guards, the servants, the luxurious food, the stuffy clothing.” and she mocked his voice. “‘All these restrictions are to  _ protect  _ you’. I guess his protection worked, huh?” “It definitely did. That’s why you’re the greatest earthbender in-”  _ ow. You hammerfisted my swordarm’s shoulder. Not the sword arm!  _ My attempt at humor worked and she hit me,  _ no not literally _ , with a counter. “His protection was  _ so  _ successful, we evaded him”. Looking up from the curtain of hair and accompanying laughing Empress, I spotted a clothing cabinet, the door ajar. Something caught my eye, so I hopped, correction, tried not to fall over, as I got out of bed and walked over to the dark door. Reaching in, my hand felt something...soft. So I pulled it out and suddenly I was holding one of her many court dresses. 

I brought it back to the reclining, kind of hidden, _that's partly the fault of your hair falling everywhere_ , Earth Empress. “Here’s your old court dress. I found it”, “Why were you looking for it? It’s so tight I felt like I’d be cut in two”. Holding it up, I smelled that hint of...perfume. I handed it to her face and she noticed it as well. “Doesn’t this...lavender soap smell terrible?” I asked the young woman halfway through inhaling the dress. “Ha. You didn’t  _ live  _ with it” and she feigned a gag. “Mud smells best of all” I proudly declared, hoping to get a court dress smacked in my face. Sure enough, she tossed the dress back at me. And it flopped to the bed because it’s not a small throwing object. “That’s a lie, and I can’t even see you" and the Empress metaphorically crossed her arms.  _ You got me.  _ “I...yes you got me” and I felt like an idiot. She laughed from beneath her blanket. “Then what  _ does  _ smell best of all?”  _ Hm. That brings back memories.  _ “The morning sea breeze with spruce and pine leaves.” She jumped to conclusions, “so whatever Kyoshi Island smells like?” I corrected her. “No, Kyoshi Island smells like that, Clear Whiskey and cake combined into one”. She laughed. "My favorite’s still mud. Second favorite is a good sweat after a good rumble” she said, while staining these expensive, warm, blankets with mud. And sweat.  _ Since she just rolled around in the mud _ .

“Would you prefer if we made the Imperial Palace smell like mud?” I asked, quite serious. “Nah. The incense is growing on me.” and she laughed.  _ Wait. Is she serious or is she _ ...but Suki called out from behind the door. “May I enter, Your Majesties?” In her greatest of sarcastic voices, “Sure, it’s not like we’re both naked” and I heard Suki walk away.  _ Thanks Toph _ . “We’re not! We’re not! You can enter!” and her feet came nearer before casting the room in more torchlight. 

“I spoke to the staff and asked what they wanted to do. Most are happy here in Gaoling, they know the locals and nobody’s bothering them”.  _ But nobody’s...but the house is deserted.  _ “However…”  _ why does there always have to be one of these 'howevers'. Just...stop giving us more problems _ . “...They claim to miss you and request to come with us back to the Imperial Palace.”  _ But they don’t know anyone there.  _ Toph threw her blanket off,  _ guess who it hit _ , and sat up in just her undergarments. Suki cupped her mouth with her hand “Oh, forgive me, Your Majesties!” and Suki kowtowed.  _ What? We’re not without clothes.  _ Toph gave her thoughts.  “They can come. I don’t see why not. Kyoshi, can you see why not?”  _ Was that serious or sarcasm. Or Sokkacasm?  _ “Don’t they want to stay where they know people?” and Toph scoffed. “I know them. They know me.” and Suki finished Toph’s thoughts, “and they all profess their love of taking care of you”. I tried to give some reason, “Of course they would, they’re-” but I got a palm to the face. Not  _ into  _ the face because she doesn’t want to snap my nose in three. “Nah, they genuinely like me. I like them. I never treated them like servants, I put on my own clothes. And we all love Earth Rumble. My dad might be a jerk but these men and women are just men and women.” and she got out of bed and began walking off. “Your Majesty, some clothes?” I offered. She gave me that “oh, right” groan. And she put on her dirty wrestler garb. 

The two of us followed her to the main hall. We caught up -she ran and we walked- just to hear the tail end of her announcing that the entire staff was to join her. They cheered and kowtowed. They began asking for things to do,  _ what, are you trying to one-up me?  _ And she had them “take everything valuable and bring it to the train. We don’t want any looters taking any heirlooms”. So the two dozen courtiers and handmaidens scurried around the house, grabbing pots, clothes,  _ chairs _ , cushions, and dishes. Toph stood in the middle of the room, listening to the cacophony of footsteps. One woman brought out a long object wrapped in cloth. “What is that?” I asked, hobbling over to her. She pulled off the wrapping to reveal...a  _ sword _ . A  _ jian scabbard _ . A green scabbard with large full white flowers decorating the scabbard.

“Don’t tell me…” I held up my palm, “this is ceremonial.” And she extended her hands, holding the scabbard with both. I pulled the blade out and  _ it glistened _ . As dark as the wilderness at night.  _ A meteorite blade _ . On its hilt, the white Flying Boar inside a coin. “Suki!” and I handed the blade to Suki. “Can someone grab a pig chicken?” I asked, and one of the attendants replied “we were just about to cut one up for breakfast. Would that do?” and I nodded. The freshly plucked body was carried out and placed on a small table that was  _ also  _ brought out. For Suki, a one-handed blade is easy. She often has her katana in one hand and a buckler in the other.  _ Slice _ . Clean through the bird and _through_ the table. Suki elegantly withdrew it, took out a cloth from her waistband, and wiped it down. 

She handed it to me and I punched the air with it in one hand. “I’m taking it!” and I gestured for the scabbard and I sheathed it. “What’s it called?” I asked the stiff attendant. “We don’t know, it’s the ancestral blade of the Beifongs” so I turned to Toph. “You had an ancestral  _ blade  _ and didn’t tell me?” but she held up her hands and shrugged. “I didn’t know I could metalbend until recently”  _ Right, right _ . “It’s probably called something lame like “The Thorn” because us Beifongs and flowers go together like me and…” “Me?” I posed, “Wrestling, Your Majesty?” Wuhan pondered, “Bossing people around?” Suki stated assertively. “That one. Like me and bossing others around. Now! Get this stuff and let’s go!” and she stormed off for the door.

The Dai Li who had come with us went back to the train and requested aid for an important logistical project. Transporting an entire household of stuff into a monorail. And a flock of conical hats slid towards us as Toph and I waited outside the front doors. They slid up to us, silently bowed, and slid in. “Kyoshi, I don’t know what it’s like with eyes-” “an eye” “-whatever, but a bunch of these guys silently coming up to me and bowing is...creepy”.  _ Oh, you going to tell me you’re afraid of the Dai Li? Trust me, we all are.  _ “They  _ could  _ speak, they just choose not to.” “But  _ why _ , Kyoshi?” “I think it’s because their voices are so soft they're afraid of breaking their stone cold atmosphere” “Let’s try that”  _ try what?  _ And she ordered a pair over. “Sing a song to entertain us!” and the two were pretty clearly discomforted. “Your Majesty, they can’t sing” I offered. “No, no, we can” said a man with a quite high-pitched voice. And yes, I also have a high-pitched voice. But his was  _ nasal _ . “Then sing us something!” Toph ordered. The two stood there, probably struggling to come up with something to sing. “Can we request reinforcements, Your Majesty?”  _ Request...what is this? A military operation _ ? “Sure” Toph told them. So they called over another four pairs. “Alright men” and this...probably higher ranked Dai Li agent began commanding squadrons. “Pair three, four, five, you’re chorus. Two, you’re backup. Lee, you’re with me”. 

“Can we inquire the name of the song?” I asked for the two of us. Toph found herself a stone seat and was picking her ears, probably to enhance the singing. 

For the record, I wasn’t on cactus juice. 

Or whiskey. 

The lead two pairs began _singing_.

_ Hot town, summer in the city/Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty _

_ Been down, ain't it a pity/Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city _

_ All around, civvies looking half-dead/Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than Ozai's head _

Their deeper voices were complemented by the  _ chorus  _ joining in. The  _ chorus _ . The Dai Li  _ chorus _ . The higher-pitched Dai Li chorus. Their voices were as smooth as vanilla. Or something poetic like that.

_ But at night it's a different world/Go out and find a girl _

_ Come on, come on, and dance all night/Despite the heat, it'll be alright _

_ And ma'am, don't you know it's a pity/The days can't be like the nights _

_ In the summer, in Ba-Sing-Se _

_ In the summer, in Ba-Sing-Se _

“Enough!” I shouted. “Why?  _ I  _ liked it” the Earth Empress said from her advantageous stone seat. “These men have a job to do. The estate-,” “Can wait. Dai Li! I order you to resume singing!” and she cheered them on.  _ I don’t have time for this _ . “Your Majesty, we also have a governor to-” “Men! Continue singing! I think you all have  _ sweet  _ voices!” She was...her voice was geniune.  _ Why are they blushing. What in the name of Kyoshi?  _ I set off with Suki while the leads sang the next stanzas. 

I left Toph while she  _ clapped _ , beckoning them on. The band of Dai Li had formed two stiff lines, exactly one pace separation between each agent and five pace separation between front row and back row. And the wind could harass them all it wanted, they rooted their feet into the earth and rooted their voices into the heart of the Empress. Which is fine. If she loves them, so do I.  _ Just...I’ve seen enough today.  _

Back to the  _ boring  _ part of rule, also known as everything when Toph isn’t around. Suki and I, with the assistance of some Dai Li and their sliding powers, went back to the train carriage. Lord Qiangyang was somewhere out there in the darkness, grumbling and when he heard my voice, he roared. “He probably wants to bother you”  _ Yes. I know. I know _ . _Thank you, Sukes_. I bypassed the man kneeling in an executioner’s stone to go give my greetings to the badgermole. “Good evening Lord Qiangyang!” and I tried to bow to him.  _ Roar _ . “Do you want me to come closer?”  _ Roar _ . “Suki, how does Her Majesty-” but Suki was  _ also  _ confused. “She’s the best earthbender. I guess all earthbenders understand each other?” and for some reason that inspired me to think like an earthbender, lower my skull and hobble my way into his snout.  _ Bang, as a Dai Li agent may say.  _ Nope, he licked me. Then he picked up his claws and held it in front of my chest. One was a few Consort’s feet from scratching me. 

The Dai Li, being ever perceptive, dived in and jumped in front of me.  _ Why?  _ “He’s not going to murder me, and if he does, it’s not like any of  _ you  _ will defeat him” and he roared, happily.  _ See, he’s Toph’s badgermole.  _ The Dai Li looked their usual cold faces, but I sense a bit of depression. “Sorry for hurting your feelings, my friendly assassins” and one bowed. “We’re not just assassins, we can sing, too!”  _ Oh no. Not another _ . And he brought up his hands and danced a short ballet. “Jin!” someone with an angry voice angrily stomped over and grabbed him by his braid. “No singing! Tomorrow night’s poetry night!” then he bowed to me and gruffly went “forgive me, Jin joined just before we departed so he’s new”.  _ But...we’ve spent months together _ . “Haven’t you been with him for months?” “He’s been with us, and so what? We aren’t in Ba Sing Se”  _ and therefore become useless? What’s your point _ _? _

Lord Qiangyang kept one of his talons, sticking out, about my chest-height. “Yes, Lord Qiangyang?” and he waved it slightly. Suki, being clever, went “maybe he wants you to bow?” and the badgermole grumbled.  _ No. He’s. Of course… _ ”Do you want Her Majesty?” and the badgermole stuck his tongue out. “I’m sorry, but Her Majesty is over there!” and I pointed into the darkness. He sat there with his neutral expression. He didn’t follow my hand.  _ Because he’s blind, you idiot _ . “My apologies. Her Majesty is over by the large stone building. She’s listening to-” and I made my voice much louder “-a choir of Dai Li singing about the city!” and now the  _ badgermole  _ seemed to be nodding in happiness. I can’t tell his emotions but...I don’t know. I  _ sense  _ them? He’s pretty...on the nose, no offense Your Highness, with his emotions. I walked forward and let him lick me again. “I guess he loves that royal blood, Your Majesty!” Suki said from the sidelines. “Royal-”  _ lick  _ “-blood? You mean Avatar blood. And you’ve got it, too, so come over here!” “I’d rather not. My clothes are all sticky from the last time”  _ And mine aren’t? I smell like badgermole tongue. Everywhere. Do the archivists know what it’s like to wash badgermole tongue out? It’s not.  _

The officer Dai Li man walked back over. “Did Your Majesty mention singing?” he asked, his conical hat threatening to launch off of him. “I did say singing” I did say. “How many are singing?” he said, furious. “Yes” was my response, because I didn’t remember how many were singing. “Yes? Yes what?” he asked, as if out of his comfortable position of bossiness. “Yes to a number” I told him. “How many is yes, Your Majesty?” he repeated himself. “Yes is yes” and someone  _ else  _ yelling caught our gazes. “Governor Harghasun requests ‘we be done with this execution already’!”  _ Oh right, the execution _ .  _ Wait. Execution? Did we order he be killed _ ?

I marched the forty paces back to the man lying in a pool of indignity and freezing to death. The man raised his head and looked up at me and my swath of bodyguards. “Can’t you just kill me?”  _ But why?  _ “I mean, if you  _ really  _ want to, we can. I don’t see why.” “Well then what are you going to do with me?” he asked, spitting my feet. “We aren’t the Fire Nation. We  _ have  _ prisons”  _ I say, knowing full well that we tend to prefer executions _ . “What prisons?” he asked, cackling. “Lake Laogai” and he looked like he saw a ghost. “No! Not Lake Laogai!” he wept. “Yes, yes Lake Laogai! Guards, find something that resembles a cell and toss him in it!” and I marched off. The dancing agent and his partner grabbed him with rock gloves and carried him off. He screamed and cursed my dynasty “to the third generation” which really doesn’t matter because curses are nonsense.  


“Where’s the new Governor?” I shouted to the guards running around. “Bishe, Bishe of the line of Agpoon, we roused him from his sleep” and on command they brought a man in his sleep robe forward. Before I could finish, an agent slid over to me and bowed. “Your Majesty, did you want the former Governor to go north on his own carriage?”  _ Of course I did _ . “Yes, agent.” Humbly stone cold, he asked “Can we have a scroll?”  _ Oh, right. I can’t just order them around without Imperial Seal-ing a paper _ . “Grab me one, and something to write with.” 

A stone seat and table were made for me and in the midst of the night, I wrote a message. I told Bishe to go inside and warm up and had tea made for him. He was so tired he barely recognized who I was, at least until the Dai Li forced him to kowtow out of respect. Then they resumed standing there, the silent -sometimes singing- sentinels that they are.

_ To the Head of the Dai Li, only, _

_ Governor Harghasun of the City of Gaoling, Region of Nantu, has been tried for corruption and sent northbound on a train carriage. Take him and toss him in Lake Laogai. I hope our newest prisoner arrived safely. Take this man and toss him in a cell with her. Either he breaks or the lightning will cut him in two. And once he breaks, dispatch agents to find his spies. No noble lacks allies in Ba Sing Se.  _

_ When Her Royal Highness tires of his charades and does, inevitably, kill him, I’d advise offering her one of two options: Remain a prisoner until her days are numbered or offer her a position that suits her skills. Surely she knows of every last Fire Nation spy in Ba Sing Se and I can’t imagine she’s a big fan of the new Fire Lord using her agents to benefit his reign. Oh, and tell her who the new Fire Lord is. Warning: She may kill someone out of lightning-based fury.  _

_ Sadly firebenders can’t join the Dai Li ranks, but I’m sure your years of experience in the Dai Li have taught you to improvise. She’s our greatest source of intelligence on the Fire Nation and its strongest claimant until the current Fire Lord produces an heir. Approach her with an open palm of a rock glove. If she rebels, close the palm. Warning, she may use the excuse of joining the Dai Li to escape. _

_ A few months in Shirahama meant more than all the years of Earth Kingdom scripture.  _

_ Long live Her Imperial Majesty! Ten Thousand Years! _

_ Written by His Imperial Majesty. _

I grabbed the seal, stamped it, and handed it to the Dai Li agent. Then it hit me. “Wait!” and the man stopped in place. “That letter is for the Head of the Dai Li, not for you! Let me write up a letter allowing you to allocate necessary resources!” and I grabbed a fresh scroll and wrote the instructions of “granting the bearer of this scroll” whatever he needed to transport the Governor to Lake Laogai. _Hopefully this won't blow up in my face._  


Now done with my daily dose of scroll writing, I went inside and found Bishe half-awake. He noticed me and my lack of an eye, got up and kowtowed. While I sat down, the herbalists bumbled through the doorway. “Your Majesty, the-” “-yes yes, it’s the green paste time!” and I got back out of my seat and walked off to Toph’s bedroom, lay down, did the undressing thing,  _ note, it’s still quite uncomfortable _ , and got the still awful smelling paste applied to the places it needed to be applied. While they wrapped the skin up with fresh sarashi, I thought  _ well the spirits just don’t want me to speak to Bishe, do they?  _

Hearing that, the spirits collectively told Bishe to walk over to my, wait, Her Imperial Majesty’s, bedroom. And knock on the door. And get rejected by my illustrious door guard Suki - _ note why can’t you be inside to watch these two strange women do their strange paste thing _ \- because “His Majesty is receiving treatment”.  _ Right, treatment. You mean torture _ . “Soon-to-be Governor! We can have a conversation like this!” I shouted. “A shouting conversation, Your Majesty?” he responded, shouting through the door. “Yes, a shouting-” I was cut off by the main herbalist saying “It’s done” , grabbed her pot and washing her hands free of green paste.  _ Forget it _ . “You can come in now!” I said, not literally. He opened the door, then I redacted my previous comment with “not now! Pants!” and I blurted my way into wearing pants. Robe? Who needs robes. Let the world see my barely-visible auburn chest hair!  _ Wait, no, don’t.  _ So I scrambled to pull a blanket, note,  _ not my blanket _ , as if there was a modesty issue. There was,  _ wait where was I?  _

“Yes future Governor, you may come inside” and the door opened once more and a bald man with the world’s thickest eyebrows walked in. Looked like two caterpillar-worms burrowing into his eyes. Hopefully wasn’t _because I hate caterpillar-worms_. “Ten Thousand Years to Your Majesty!” he said, professionally. _Finally! Someone who sounds like a man! Even if he looks like older Aang_. “How old are you?” “Twenty two springs” he said, cordially. _Springs?_ Another question. “What’s your military experience?” He shook his head. “None, Your Majesty” _How about another question?_ “What’s your administrative experience?” “I helped the Agpoon family take control of the merchant trade port of the commandery of Litang!” _All I understood was ‘take control’._ Because inner thoughts make for fun outer thoughts, “No offense, one-day-soon Governor, but all I heard was ‘take control.’” and he kowtowed as if his only known reaction was to kowtow. “Shangping, located in Litang, is just down the river from Gaoling. My father, Ketuyu, fought with the Limlos over the southern bank of the Gaoling River. I successfully bought the last of the docks from Governor Harghasun.” _Thanks for the confusing word salad._ I tried to make sense of all these words and locations, since I'm not a walking encyclopedia. “So let me get this as curvy as an Elephant Koi, at twenty two you _bought_ the docks of a commandery?” He raised a finger and corrected me with “Town, not commandery, Your Majesty” “-As Her Imperial Majesty would say, ‘whatever.’ You bought these docks and _run_ them?” “That’s correct, Your Majesty”. _That’s pretty ambitious. And yes, I’m the Imperial Consort. I was given this power, I didn’t work towards it_. 

“Do you know  _ how  _ to run a city?” and shockingly, he went “not really, Your Majesty. My father was the representative of the Agpoons to Lord Beifong. I oversaw our trading enterprise. My uncle Xingke runs the garrison of our trade port and my aunt, Penga, runs the diplomatic missions to the local magistrates of Litang.” I didn't understand the names but I tried to use context to make sense of what he was saying. “So you’ve already got your little team of advisors” “That’s...yes, Your Majesty.” _How interesting. In a good_ _way_. I thought to compliment him. “Well you’re already a few steps ahead of the Avatar who thinks entire countries are overseen by a single man or woman” and he gave me this  _ is-that-a-compliment  _ look that lots of people give lots of other people. I had one more question. “Why were you listed as the successor and not your father? He must have at least a decade more of experience?” He looked down at the ground and, still maintaining noble decorum, “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but he’s dead.” 

I have no idea how these merchant-run states operate. There’s scrolls in the Imperial Archives about such types of government and they  _ always  _ paint a terrible picture of it. Either the rich business owners become rich while the peasantry suffers and the peasants stage a justified rebellion against their landlords, or the business owners devolve into petty squabbles and one city becomes a battleground for a couple ruling families. It should be noted that as we are an eternal monarchy, started when time began and will last until the end of time,  _ any  _ type of government that isn’t ours is bad. This is because every other system of government takes away from one of the few things holding the Earth Kingdom, now the Empire, together: the Monarch. Aside from the usual issues of removing power from the Badgermole Throne, this system empowers a class that’s already too rich and self-important to begin with. These ruling families tangentially consider themselves members of the Earth Kingdom, now the Earth Empire, but are they? Harghasun ran his own petty Kingdom down here in Gaoling. Nonetheless, I still barely know anything about such systems of government. It’s not my place to order an ancient system be demolished.  _ Just another thing to consult with the ministers _ .

I ordered right-this-moment-going-to-be Governor Bishe to go out to the main living room and wait. He kowtowed out of respect and departed. “Suki, get me the Governor of Gaoling’s Seal” and she - _ how do you know where these things are _ \- found it and handed it to me. “No, I can’t hold it, I need my hands for-” “right, sorry” she said koala-sheepishly. I hobbled my way over to the main aisle and had the Dai Li retrieve the rest of his household. Lucky for them, his household was waiting one carriage down, enjoying refreshments and the bountiful supply of red berries we have.  _ I strongly dislike those berries _ . 

“Bishe, kowtow in front of me,” I said, leaning on a wall. His household came inside and kowtowed to me as well. “Bishe, In the name of Her Imperial Majesty-” the crowd shouted “Ten Thousand Years!- “I name you Governor of the City of Gaoling and the surrounding region of Nantu.” and gestured for Suki to give him the scroll. She tripped on my foot and dropped the seal. No loss. She regained her footing, picked it up and handed it to Governor Bishe. His wife, Kotobuki, I believe her name was, her short hair undone, spread her arms wide and hugged him, giving him a kiss and another kiss. “Yes, yes, save the oogies for the Governor’s bedroom” the Captain of the Dai Li inadvertently said. _Where...where did you show up from? Did you walk through a wall?_. It didn't matter. “Have...have you been around Sokka, Captain?” I wondered, and he nodded. “I grabbed him back in Yu Dao, that time with the shirt and the wall and the parade...”  _ right, right. Everything falls together like a drunken Pai Sho game _ .

The Governor and I held a meeting over delicious... _ in the name of Kyoshi it’s the middle of the night, isn't it. I haven’t slept. What in Kyoshi.  _ Early breakfast. Let’s call it that. He instantaneously agreed that the region needed a large standing army, vouching for “soldiers loyal to the Badgermole Throne, not to their salaries” and offering the best of his men under his uncle’s command to help form such an army. Suki advised to wait until we meet the Council of Five, or at least General How, in Ba Sing Se. I still kept the idea in the back of my mind. Eight hundred well trained -I don’t know what well trained means here- men might form the backbone of whatever cactus juice inspired ideas we conjure up in Ba Sing Se.

Hearing the drumming roars of Lord Qiangyang,  _ no I didn’t forget you were here I promise _ , gave me an idea. Qiangyang’s roar made me think of Toph, as it would. Toph was listening to the Dai Li Choir outside the Beifong Estate. The same estate whose household was leaving to come with us. Meaning the place is abandoned. “Could you take some of those men and deploy them to the Beifong Estate?” which sparked his affirmative “I’ll get right on it” response. I was going to deploy his loyal men to guard the compound. If they turned out to be disloyal, they’d be looting nothing. If they  _ are  _ loyal, then maybe Toph might want to turn it into the Southern Palace and or a private retreat for her and a certain auburn-haired Consort.  _ A man can dream _ . And just because she had a rough time in the past doesn’t mean she’d abandon the entire compound. It’s still quite lavish. And fun to roll around.  _ No, I didn’t roll around in it. Though I was dragged through some of the mud when we escaped _ .  _ And by dragged I mean Toph told me to jump out a window, so I did, and went face-first into some mud _ . 

Toph’s Dancing Choir lock-step marched,  _ what, no sliding _ , into her train. I heard her being all happy and petting her badgermole. I was hoping to have more of a conversation with Bishe but she walked in, told him “go get some sleep” and grabbed me by my auburn queue and  _ dragged  _ me to her bedroom. “Kyoshi, those Dai Li were excellent singers” she said passionately. “I...Did you notice my absence?” and harshly, she replied, pretending to be Katara, “I did and I am  _ heartbroken _ !” and punched me in the shoulder. “Thanks for taking care of the boring stuff” “It’s my pleasure to do as Your Majesty commands”  _ bad choice of words, ‘Kyoshi’,  _ “good, because my hair’s muddy but  _ too  _ muddy, so remove  _ all  _ of it”. “All the mud, Your Majesty?” “Yes, and to help you, I’ll even grant you something with water to put my hair in” and she walked out the door, down the hall, said something inaudible to someone with a silky smooth voice, he referred her to a washroom and sure enough now I was being rock gloved over to a washroom.

Oh, and once the last of the Beifong’s heirlooms were loaded aboard, she ordered the train “go forward to Ba Sing Se!” Where’s forward? We’re on the southern side of the continent. The train conductor asked “Does Your Majesty wish to travel northwest through the Gong or east through Huizhou?” To this, Toph gave her counter-question. “Which one is faster?” The man sounded like he just took a kick to the spine, I guess that's a saying, and blurted out “Huizhou, Your Majesty!”  _ But Huizhou is filled with daofei _ . Her word was an Imperial Edict and a pair of Imperial Guard set off to kicking off the train. 

“Your Majesty, this is a lot of mud. And badgermole saliva”. “Well you’re my Consort, get to the Consorting” Regardless of whether or not that was actual Consort duties,  _ note, it’s probably not _ , it’s still my job and just as with the conductor, her word is an Imperial Edict. It’s just...this ‘edict’ was harder than others. As I ran my fingers through mud that chose to harden to her head, she kept yelping ‘ows’ at my tugging of hair. After the fourteenth ‘ow’ she agreed to put her elbow-length hair in the sink and let me try the  _ correct  _ way. She even handed me a metalbent comb. Thank Kyoshi. 

The grey sink became a pool of mud as I fought an intense duel against collapsing from exhaustion  _ and  _ removing mud from her hair. At least the water made the mud soft and malleable. Our plentiful supply of other people’s pieces of cloth gave me ample things to wipe the mud off with. During this long quiet exchange, Toph brought up this Harghasun guy one more time. “This guy’s governor of Gaoling and he’s not loyal. That doesn’t look good for all the low level people that run commanderies” she said, not so eloquently but quite aptly. She  _ is  _ clever, even if that intelligence is hidden behind two fists, two feet and one terrifying lifeless stare. “Kyoshi, how would you resolve this?” she asked the question I was planning to be asked for days. “We can’t. Not right now.” and she nodded while chewing on a piece of pig-chicken jerky. _We can't right now because we need to audit all the Magistrates and get to the bottom of this corruption. Things don't just change overnight._ Every so often she’d reach back and point at a specific part of her hair for me to either comb or “run your hands through” and I’d do whichever she asked. As was the case during this conversation. So I paused for a moment to grab a section of her hair and comb it thoroughly. “My father used to talk about loyalty. The other merchants didn’t have to be loyal, but the peasants did…” and she rambled on about peasants and her childhood. I wasn’t listening, some kind of egg was cracking inside of my head and  _ no it’s not the lightheadedness.  _ That and I was mostly asleep.

Then the egg popped and a small turtle-duck crawled out and started pecking my brain. “Toph!” and she barked back “what?” I shouted “That’s it!” because the egg cracked. “What’s ‘it?’” and she held up her hands all confused. “I might be able to read your heartbeat but I can’t read minds. Or books." _True. I forgot you can't read my mind. Sorry._ “What if we appoint peasant officials!” and I felt her  _ you-need-a-whiskey-because-you're-acting-crazy  _ voice. “How would that work?” she inquired, rightfully. “You said the peasants are loyal because they don’t have the means to be independent. What if we take the smart ones and make them our officials. They can’t betray us because they’ve got nothing to betray!” and she sat up, pulling her clean hair and my hands with her. “And then the smart ones would help us...That’s genius, Kyoshi!” and she put her fist down. On her leg. “Grab a scroll and go do your writing thing” and I released my hands and got up. I felt a rock glove grab my right arm. “Not until you’ve finished my hair” and the rock glove released and punched me in the shoulder.  _ Ouch _ . 

Aside from Suki, the other Kyoshi Warriors, the other Kyoshi Islanders and maybe some of the best spas in the Middle and Upper Ring, I’m the best hair stylist. I also say this because said patron only wants one hair style. Either her hair is down, like when asleep, or it’s in a bun. The same bun. If Suki is better, why doesn’t Toph have her clean her hair? Or why doesn’t Toph earthbend her hair clean? I’d guess it’s because these moments of intimacy will give us a chance to come up with wacky ideas and solutions to problems we may or may not have. In addition, I  _ know  _ her hair. Why does she care about her hair? She doesn’t. But lying back and having one’s hair done is easier for someone who feels preoccupied by eating dinner or picking her teeth or toes or ears or nose. She gets to relax and do whatever she wants, I clean her hair, or massage her feet, or whatever she asks for, and the two of us emerge sweaty and confident towards solving some crisis. And sometimes, _sometimes_ , we solve things.  


Like this time, when we appointed a new Governor of Gaoling.

Receiving hugs from someone so  _ lathered  _ in the taste of badgermole and her own sweat is hard to get used to. I’m quite happy to take that sweat, or taste of badgermole, any-day, anytime. From now until my last day.

_ East, into the lands of daofei! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, to beat stupid, you've got to act stupid (Or: How to deceive your teenage enemies using the power of....faking a period!). It's exactly as terrible an idea as it sounds.
> 
> Now, on to the usual performance!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (Or: How to understand what goes through Mori's mind):  
> -Last time Mori was here, he was here to be arraigned-marriage to Toph. A lot has changed in about 16 months.   
> -The Limlos and Chibi-Pions are rival families in Gaoling. Gaoling is based on Venice (or for CK2 players: a Merchant Republic) with Patrician-analogue families that control the town. The Beifongs have ruled Gaoling for centuries but that didn't stop other families from existing.  
> -Mori: terrible at giving advice, good at giving hugs.  
> -The two hugging is the farthest into oogies territory I could imagine Toph or Mori going.   
> -The ancestral Beifong Blade is part of my running mentioning/creation of famous weapons (based on Three Kingdoms). Despite this, Mori still likes his Piandao-forged jian because the blade has become an extension of his hand.
> 
> -The Dai Li can sing. The Dai Li like to sing. Their song of choice? ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YgevxRGXIU )  
> -I'm aware of the crazy juxtaposition and I embrace it.
> 
> -Mori forgot about the Governor sitting there waiting to get his head chopped off.  
> -Agpoon is another family in Gaoling  
> -We will see more of Azula  
> \------------------------------  
> -The Head of the Dai Li is this man named Xuan, Xuan Daiyu. He's an utter badass. He's not my OC, no, his credit goes to https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahlyae , a person with a million word story in her head who, one day, might publish something.   
> *All Daiyus are legally the property of Her Highness, Seaweed Ahlyae.   
> \------------------------------  
> -Litang is a commandery down the river from Gaoling. It acts as a satellite trade post for Gaoling.  
> -Bishe is a competent official. That makes competent official number 2 after Baatar. Fun fact: the best officials can be identified by being genuinely humble and loyal.


	12. (The Improvised, Blunder-filled) Operation Moon Cycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever wanted to read about three teenagers plan how to avoid talking to three other teenagers by using periods and improvised distractions? No? 
> 
> Well enjoy some war stories, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of the Terrible Train Talks series of connected stories that bridge the gap between Gaoling and Ba Sing Se. They're meant to give the reader a bit of time to enjoy the characters before we are thrust into Ba Sing Se and all the related bureaucracy.

Chapter Seventy-Eight:

The last time a man was shouting “Your Majesties, Welcome to” and kowtowing a bit  _ too  _ stiffly, the Mayor of Dahai, or Magistrate, or both, got a few teeth knocked out for calling Her Imperial Majesty a coward. Or so the story goes. I  _ wasn’t  _ reliving things, I hoped, but this man looked quite like the Magistrate of Dahai. Last time, we came by ship. This time, our repossessed train belonging to,  _ wait, the guy we had arrested or the guy we shared a whiskey with? _ , long story short, someone who isn’t us, ground into a station.

An average height man with a goatee was yelling a bunch of praises. Or that’s what I spotted from peeking my head out of  _ her  _ bed and glancing out the window. “Where are we?” Toph said from her section of a bundle of blankets. Tossing those blankets off, she was picking her ear. This loud man wouldn’t stop shouting. “I’d love to tell you, but-” “Then tell me!”  _ ow, not the pillow _ . “Houpu? Houpo? Renlicun? Xisenlicun? Shanancun?” and Suki called out from her guard position, “Yanxicun, Your Majesty!”  _ Right, thanks Sukes _ . “Where’s Yanxicun?” came the next question from Toph. “Halfway between somewhere and somewhere else. Probably the South” I said, by impulse. “Wow, how descriptive, am I rolling my eyes correctly?”  _ no, you aren’t _ . The human cartographer, Suki,  _ or maybe she’s just competent, I don’t know _ , informed us that “Yanxicun is south of the Nantu Mountains, west of Nanzhazhi, northeast of Houpo and east of Dongdi”.  _ Dongdi? I think I’ve heard of that place before. That’s...northeast of Gaoling. _

“Wait, we’re going...east?” I screamed the last part for dramatic effect. “Is east where Huizhou is?” asked Toph. “Go find a map?” I offered the stone wall draped in a massive tapestry of a badgermole on top of some cliffs facing an ocean. “That’s a great idea! Let the  _ blind girl  _ give you instructions!” Toph said, sarcastically moody. The goatee man was still yelling. “I was talking to Suki” and I heard a pair of footsteps go off somewhere. “That’s...reasonable” she said, less sarcastic but still moody. She punched the ground and somewhere out there the yelling man quieted down. Probably because of the mini-earthquake. Possibly because he’s afraid of earthquakes. 

Suki entered, gave a simple bow, then placed a large scroll on the bed. Specifically the section where Toph’s feet would be except...it’s empty, because of her size. I opened up the map. It read “Southern Earth Kingdom, Year Twelve of the Reign of His Majesty, the Fifty Second Earth King,” on the top and was, as it stated, a map of the Southern Earth Kingdom. The Nantu Mountains were the northern border, forming a thick crescent. Chin Peninsula in the far west. Then there was the Gaoling and the Jianjing, rivers. There are large region names which overlap multiple small dotted borders. Zhaonan where the lands of Chin would be. Zhaoze De, where the Gong pass and commanderies like Xinyang are located. Nantu, the old name for the region of Gaoling, which includes the eponymous City of Gaoling and takes up most of the south. All lands south of Gaoling were Beihai. East of Nantu, making up its own peninsula jutting out into the Tufu Straits, across from the Eastern Air Temple, was Huizhou. A small finger of land juts out on the far northeast of the map, apparently called Sakasu. The large bay between Huizhou and this small finger? Chameleon Bay. 

So where was Yanxicun? It’s in the middle of Nantu, or Gaoling, the region. This map’s great because it also has all the old military bases. The forts along the Gaoling River, the coastal forts along the South Sea, inland military bases located along the main trade line. I can’t vouch for the status of half of these forts, or the existence of the other half. Judging by the map, we’d have to go through Huizhou, which...lacks any military bases.  _ Oh, wonderful _ . 

“Kyoshi, you haven’t said anything. Have you been having inner thoughts again?”  _ No. I mean...yes.  _ “I’m just looking over the map, Your Majesty.” and she scoffed. “Can you tell me what we’re doing...stopped?” I shrugged, then recalled her lack of perception of shrugs. Or anything, since she’s on a bed. “His Majesty is shrugging”  _ thanks Sukes.  _ “What are we doing in...wherever this place is?” Toph asked, quite annoyed. “Suki, what are we doing here?” and she walked out of the room, asked Wuhan, who subsequently shouted to a pair of Dai Li who “can you two get off the ceiling?” were hanging on the ceiling. “The Magistrate of...this place...wants to pay his respects!” and Toph, having excellent hearing, heard that. As did the rest of us. She grabbed her spittoon and spat in it. “His respects? I’m not dead.”  _ Well if you were, then the rest of us would be, meaning this conversation is either impossible or the Jade Palace is actually a never ending train ride _ . 

I took her words, as is my duty, and transformed them into something other than a statement. “Can someone with a rank  _ please  _ ask the Magistrate of This Place to inform the person with a rank why he’s paying his respects” and some “Right away, Your Majesty”s happened, followed by a half dozen people calmly asking “where’s the Captain?” and “Which Captain?” because there’s a bunch of Captains on this party train. Suki, Wuhan, the Captain of the Dai Li, and that’s not counting the Imperial Army that has a presence here. I failed to kick open the door, so I used the proper door handle, and stomped into the aisle in my Informal Robe.  _ Wait, remember to fasten the sash _ . I fastened the sash. I stuck a hand out and pointed at the first pair of eyes I saw.  _ Such nice green eyes _ . Some conical hat wearer. “You, person! Go find this Magistrate and do whatever I told you to do previously!” and he bowed and walked away. 

The agent returned bearing a scroll. He handed it to me, I thanked him for being a courier and opened the scroll. _It’s too dark in here to read_. So I took it back inside. Where there’s sunlight. And windows. I read the scroll and burst into laughter. “What’s funny? Did the Fire Lord rise from the grave? He wants to go for round two?” and Toph uppercutted the air. Tried to. Maybe her intention was to uppercut the blanket. “The Magistrate of Yanxicun, Kozel, of the line of Limlo, wishes Her Imperial Majesty ‘a prosperous birthday.’” _Wait,_ _Limlo? Is he related to the guy I just arrested? Wait...birthday? Toph’s...birthday?_ It’s okay, because Toph laughed as well. “My birthday? Wasn’t my birthday a month ago?” she asked, quizzically, and I _just_ missed a pillow. A happy pillow. Filled with down feathers. _Was it a month ago? Did we all forget?_ “Suki, did we forget?” and she opened the door and gave me a _maybe_ look. The mention of a birthday sent my head spinning. “Of course we forgot! Caldera was supposed to be our birthday present to her!” and Toph continued laughing. The pile of blankets and a sheet of black hair did, at least. 

“-Thank him for his compliments, and then let’s go” and I turned around to boss someone wearing pants to go do that. Then I took a rock glove to the back. “Kyoshi, I said for  _ you  _ to go do it”  _ I guess I wasn’t listening. I mean I know I wasn’t listening… _ ”May I put on pants?” and the blanket shrugged. Why wasn’t I wearing pants? I was wearing undergarments, but undergarments and the Imperial Informal Robe aren’t pants. Pants are a great boon to those who wear them. I put on pants, grabbed  _ what is this? A cane?  _ And walked outside. I flashed Suki a  _ is this your doing  _ look and she smiled.  _ Do you have any flaws, Suki? Is this what happens when people go to all their classes?  _ Then again, Avatar Kyoshi had few flaws, so maybe it's an inherited thing  _ for the women _ . 

I followed through with my casually-given-probably-sarcastic-orders and dressed in some of the best clothes I could find at  _ whatever-this-time-is,  _ I marched myself out into the  _ it’s so bright  _ sunlight and the  _ really large crowd  _ kowtowed. “Thank you, Magistrate, for your compliments” and before I could turn around and retreat into the darkness, “Your Majesty, please accept these gifts!”  _ Gifts? What gifts?  _ And my inner thoughts were replaced with a “oh” and a  _ slight  _ bit of being awestruck at the size of his wheeled-out-rack of clothes. “What is…” but I cut myself off. “Clothes for Her Imperial Majesty, and Your Majesty.” and he held out a bracelet in one of his hands. A white hair bracelet. 

“A few questions.” I asked. And he smiled and nodded. “How did you remember it’s her birthday but the rest of the Western Coast didn’t? How do you know her measurements to obtain such clothes? How do you know mine? Why? How did you decide these clothes over others?” and I went on until Suki tapped some sense into my cheeks. He nodded and replied to the first lot of questions. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but I don’t know why other Magistrates forgot. I remembered because we love Her Imperial Majesty. Right, everyone?” and he turned around to a cheering crowd. “Her measurements were guesses, we would never ask for such measurements” and a bunch of people whose only job it seemed to be was to nod nodded. “As for yours, the Imperial Tailors published it while looking for the right fabrics to make Your Majesty’s Informal Robe”.  _ That’s awfully...invasive.  _ “We didn’t ‘decide’ on any clothes. Anyone who wanted to could offer their clothes to this rack. Most of the commanderies have contributed”.  _ Commander...ies? Multiple? Who?  _ I countered his annoyingly optimistic voice with my formal boring one.  “What commanderies? This is far from...Gaoling” and I quieted down to avoid annoying an entire region of the Earth Empire. 

“The commanderies of Siwan, Your Majesty. Long-Dong offered a set of ostrich horse armor”  _ Siwan is the set of three commanderies including this one, I hope.  _ “Thanks for all the clothes” and I went back inside before he could finish responding to my questions. I went back to my bedroom and inquired something from the blankets. “Your Majesty, the Magistrate’s has a rack of clothes offered to you and I as a gift for your birthday. The locals crafted the garments from the surrounding commanderies,” t“You, too? It’s not your birthday” the blankets told me.  _ No, it’s not. Not until midwinter _ . I formally continued. “Does Your Majesty want me to...get rid of the clothes? I’m” and I stuck my hands in my sleeves “aware of your disdain for anything that isn’t Your Majesty’s wrestler outfit-” and she interrupted me. “I might hate the clothes, but why would I say no to them? People put  _ sweat  _ into them. I love sweat! I’ll take them all!”  _ Note to self, maybe the Palace of Spring Fertility can be converted into a clothing cabinet for all this stuff to sit and never be word. Other note, is that even a Palace?  _

I followed her instructions and ordered all the clothes be carried in and put in a storage room down the hall. What a sight! Individual agents of the Dai Li draped in bright greens, whites-and-greens and yellows-and-greens. Most were carrying simple dresses, some were carrying  _ fancy  _ undergarments. A few held  _ qitous  _ of varying degrees of fanciness or simplicity. There were also two Li Fus, ceremonial dresses, bearing elaborate badgermole motifs. One man was holding a bikini set in each hand. All the while with stone cold faces. As for me, there were robes. And more robes. Some were even ceremonial robes. Most were the same color of green and yellow that every other set of robe was. One interesting one was what appeared to be a Court Robe bearing beautiful white flower motifs on a dark green background. Nothing says pompous like the One Eyed Badgermole marching into combat in a robe with  _ flowers  _ on it. 

Once everything was loaded, I informed the Magistrate that “we are in a hurry to return to Ba Sing Se” and the tracks -and everything- cleared the way for us. We  _ are  _ in a hurry. I’d like to get to Ba Sing Se and bring up New Taku to the various ministers. Also, we need to make sure there’s still a Ba Sing Se to return to. Oh, and Suki reminded me “there’s a wedding ceremony to attend to”  _ Right, thanks Sukes. Wedding ceremony. Wait. That means Fire Lord Zuko is in our capital but we’re...having a world tour. Where’s my whiskey? _

Before I could grab this joke of a whiskey the “True” Southerners call whiskey,  _ they’re wrong and also not true southerners _ , Lord Qiangyang bellowed and Toph removed her hand from her blanket and pointed at the source of the sound. “You know what to do!” she ordered.  _ I do. And I was just thinking of a bath _ . I walked through the carriages and found Lord Qiangyang inside a dark cave. “Why is he in the darkness?” I asked the darkness and Wuhan, who had followed me, claimed “Her Imperial Majesty asked His Highness how he was feeling and His Highness told Her Majesty that His Highness likes caves. So this defensive position was turned into a cavern-like carriage. Same height as the rest, it just looks larger because it’s dark” and he waved a torch around. I saw the snout of His Highness, Lord Qiangyang, Wielder of the Mandate of Adorableness, poke into the light from the torch. “Good morning, Your Majesty” and I bowed to him. “Would you like to lick me?” and I walked forward. He held up a talon at Toph’s head height and I held up my hands. “I’m sorry, but she’s...I don’t know? Being tired?” and he gave me this  _ look _ . No, in reality, he didn’t. But I thought he did and that’s what counts. “You can lick me instead” and I walked a bit forward. And got my clothes and face slobbered in badgermole tongue. Note to self, I’m sure to him, he thinks I’m going “squeak squeak squawk” then walking forward and more “squawk squeak squeak”. 

I went back to Toph’s quarters to enjoy sleeping. Of course things don’t get to be that easy. The herbalists gave me two pairs of  _ you, you like green paste? Here’s some green paste _ eyes and I groaned. Then I went to lie down and they did their paste thing. I’m unsure if it has any effect or they just enjoy forcing people to eat green mossy-like substances. This time, I had some whiskey to drown the terrible flavors in. Thank the spirits for spirits! 

Now that they left me alone, I put on my clothes and opted to lie down and pull a blanket over myself to sleep. As I was fluffing up a pillow, Suki knocked on the bedroom door.  _ Because I’ll never get a break _ . “Yes, Suki?” and I looked over at a pile of sheets, inquired if said pile was asleep. Said pile was, indeed, asleep. So I let Suki in. “Forgive me, Your Majesties” and I sat up and pointed at the still sheets, “she’s out, what’s the matter?” and she produced an already opened scroll from her waist sash. “News from General How”  _ Oh, General How, that’s someone I haven’t heard in a while _ . I opened the scroll and began reading. 

_ To Her Imperial Majesty and His Imperial Majesty, _

_ Our prayers are to His Imperial Majesty on His Majesty’s full recovery.  _

_ His Holiness, the Avatar, and the Prince and Princess of the High Chiefdom of the Southern Water Tribe, stopped off at Ba Sing Se. Grand Secretariat Han offered them their old guest house near the Imperial Palace. They accepted the offer but inquired as to where Your Imperial Majesties were. The last scroll I had received regarding Your Imperial Majesties was by the Magistrate of Jincheng on His Imperial Majesty’s valiant duel against Lord Dong-Ji at the Gong Basili Pass. A statue is being designed to commemorate the duel. _

_ One of my aides informed the trio of the duel and His Imperial Majesty’s injuries. The aide has been reprimanded for leaking information. They are currently on their way south. Prince Sokka concluded that the east coast would be faster, despite our Ministers warning the three of the high number of daofei present. _

_ His Holiness told us that New Taku is quote ‘something new’ and that he’s open to diplomacy with the Earth Empire. He also formally recognizes Her Imperial Majesty as Earth Empress. He claims that the Air Temples are being inhabited by “Earth Kingdom vagrants” despite no official charter of colonization being filled. Despite the quote, ‘defiling’ of Air Nomad land, he didn’t make any threats. He seems quite...passive.  _

_ Most regiments of the Imperial Army have been disbanded due to the war’s end. General Song rejected Admiral Jee’s request to disband and the First Colonial Navy sits docked at the ports of Yu Dao, Osaka and Shirahama. The servants of Your Majesties await Your Majesties’ instructions. _

_ Ten Thousand Years for the Badgermole Throne! Ten Thousand Years! _

_ Imperial Commander of the Imperial Army of the Center, Interim Commander of Ba Sing Se, General How.  _

I closed the scroll and handed it to Suki.  _ So the Avatar’s flying towards us. Oh, I can’t wait _ . Finally, I could go back to sleep. I didn’t have breakfast, I tossed a blanket over myself and back into the darkness I went. Except  _ things are never that easy _ . “Your Majesty, do we want the Avatar to have an audience with us?” Suki asked from behind a door. It’s quite kind of her to ask, or to do the job that I’m probably supposed to do.  _ But can’t we wait until later _ ? “Twinkletoes?” And the pile of blankets was thrown off by a hand. “Your Majesty, he is flying south towards us as we speak”  _ thanks for tell us, Sukes _ . And now, we awoke the badgermole.

And the carriage  _ shook  _ with a couple of stomps. “I don’t want to speak to him!” the figure covered in hair screamed..  _ I wonder why? Maybe New Taku? Maybe he’s still having an existential crisis about watching the Fire Lord eat an arrow? Maybe someone told him about the North? Wait _ … Han. Grand Secretariat Han. The one man with all the knowledge. The man who sent us on a suicidal charge.  _ Oh, just you wait, Han. We’ll be back in Ba Sing Se soon.  _

“Your Majesty, we could either come up with an elaborate plan right now, or we could go back to sleep”  _ why did I even offer the latter? What kind of idiot am I?  _ Toph jumped back into bed and pulled the blankets over her. And the figure began snoring, loudly. “I guess Her Majesty picked the second option” Suki quipped.  _ Yes, yes she did _ . I grabbed something to drink then, finally, my eye could close and I fell asleep. 

I woke up that evening, long after sundown. I rolled off my side of the bed and got up. Looking back at the other half of the bed, the Empress was having dinner in her bed.  _ Because who needs dinner tables?  _ Outside was darkness with the occasional twinkling light somewhere off in the distance. I fixated on a pair of these twinkling lights which first appeared on the left side of the window.

One light, a lantern, gave off the faint silhouette of the front of someone’s farm house. Then another light somewhere inside the farmer’s house, probably the living room. Probably a family sitting down to dinner. Or finishing dinner. Tomorrow they’d rise at dawn, the men off to the forests, the women to the fields. Maybe their eldest son was serving in the local garrison. Maybe he was in the Imperial Army. Maybe he was dead. We would never know. One certainly was these people would never have family names. And as quickly as the two lights appeared, they vanished to the right. Our train was boring through a tunnel and would come out the other side of a range of mountains soon enough.

I gave a glance to whatever Toph was gorging herself on,  _ thanks but not interested _ and it hit me that  _ the Avatar’s showing up soon, or a later, so we should probably think about what to do _ . “Your Majesty, can we put aside some time to plan what we’ll say to him?” and I got a muffled “no, ‘m eating dinner” with a mouthful of food.  _ Right, right.  _ I grabbed a cane that, upon closer inspection, looked like Suki’s handiwork,  _ is there nothing she can’t do?  _ And set off for the carriage-wide living room down the hall. 

“A pleasant evening to you two” I greeted the duo of Imperial Guard who looked quite bored standing in front of our room, probably for the past afternoon and evening. They kowtowed. “Where’s Captain Suki?” and one pointed at the room across from us “Asleep”  _ Why didn’t that hit me? She does need to sleep, sometime _ . I hobbled my way over to the room that was both a living room, a mess hall, and an entertainment center. 

The Imperial Guards and the Dai Li may have the hardest jobs in the world, contending with every wish or whim of Her Imperial Majesty, and the second hardest job in the world, protecting my nonbending and therefore incompetant self. Oh, they also help showcase the might of Her Imperial Majesty when we aren’t around. Considering the difficulty of their work, one may think their living conditions are poor. 

Far from it. Even on this requisitioned set of interconnected Imperial Army carriages, they live better than most Magistrates. Only two to a room, no forced morning roll call, no constant stopping because the Colonel is afraid of deserters and lots of privacy where needed. Oh, and they get served excellent food. All paid for by the Badgermole Throne, happily, may I add. Cheerfully loyal soldiers tend to die more willingly than depressed disloyal soldiers. They eat steaks and prime cuts, not whatever mushy ‘meat’ the Imperial Army is served. And instead of a couple bowls of rice, they get as much as they can devour. And whereas the Imperial Army has no such thing as “entertainment” carriages, everything is either a barracks, mess hall, or something akin to that, these soldiers have set up tables to play Pai Sho and other local games. 

Then there’s the Kyoshi Warriors. They’re assigned the daunting task of catching up to and defending a certain biplane-loving duelist and his mad battle plans. Trained in fieldcraft and setting up lean-to shelters in places lean-tos don’t belong. Like mountaintops. Or barren sides of mountains. And back on Kyoshi Island, where we slept on mattresses of straw and feathers. Contrary to the rest of the world, there was always time put aside for entertainment. We played games and competed in stupid challenges together. For Kyoshi believed that platoons of soldiers, regardless of  _ whom _ , should live and fight together. They should become one cohesive unit together. Not dozens of individuals with their own self-interests. Which is probably why aside from the Kyoshi Warriors, the Dai Li live and breathe in lockstep pairs. And the Imperial Guard, but to a lesser extent.  


Where was I? Right, the Imperial -not actually Imperial- Party Monorail. It will never cease to surprise me how these two groups, I grew up with the Warriors so they don’t count, march in perfect synchronization then become individuals doing their own thing when behind closed doors. That applies to the Imperial Guard more than the Dai Li. I swear they eat in pairs. And whereas the Imperial Guard happily take off their hats, I’ve never seen a living Dai Li agent not wearing his conical hat. So when I say ‘surprise’ I should say ‘terrify’ because I have to question if Kyoshi gave our half all the fun stuff and gave their half all the terrifying silent assassin stuff.  _ Wait, no. They have choirs.  _

The men and women stood and did their kowtows when I showed up, but I waved them “go back to eating” and sat down at a table. What was there for dinner? “We have pig-chicken jerky, duck-goose jerky, goose-duck jerky…” and like twenty different versions of carp-bass and carp-salmon and the common turtle-duck stew. “What’s Her Imperial Majesty having?” I asked of someone who looked like he was running all the food-related products. “Braised turtle-duck, Your Majesty”  _ Right, right _ . _The good_ _stuff_. “Got any of that?” “Sorry, Your Majesty, we only had the one to serve”.  _ Right.  _ “I’ll take some of the jerky”  _ note to self, be specific _ . 

After all the formal well-wishings, we took to the fun part of dinner. “Sit around, grab a drink, and tell a story!” announced one of the Imperial Guard. Drinks were handed out, the Dai Li  _ still took them in their twos _ , the rest of us had the same three drinks this definitely-not-a-party-train offered. Thus began a half-a-night of people whose names I didn’t know standing up or sitting down and announcing a part of their backstory that their fellows also didn’t know. 

The stories were walking the thin line between possible and ridiculous. One story I found interesting was that of a man named Masaharu. He grew up next to a town called Baijiaju in the commandery of Muli. For all the non-walking maps, Muli is the land west of the Serpent’s Junction that runs along the West Lake. And Baijiaju is on the western side of the West Lake. Up until a certain young woman shot it through the eye with a lightning bolt, he venerated the Great Serpent as a kind of deity. 

The northern side of the West Lake believed in agricultural sacrifices. The southern part, animal sacrifices. This is because the locals believed that if  _ something  _ was offered to the massive beast, it would grant them the ability to cross its home. That’s what the locals thought the lake was. It’s home. “We were just people but  _ it  _ was immortal”. The religion had massive overlap with Earth Spirituality, as all it did was venerate one spirit over others. One day when he was twelve, the local Sage took an offering down to the coast. The village he lived in went down with the sage and the lot of them were preparing some kind of pig-sheep to the lake itself. Before the sage could,  _ naval horns _ sounded.

A squadron of Fire Navy cruisers. The lead one flew the gigantic pennant of a black dragon on a red background.  _ The Dragon’s Host _ . The villagers ran back up from the coastline. Young Masaharu went up to a cliffside to watch the lake be flooded with more and more Fire Navy cruisers. Somewhere off to the west, the Dragon of the West was in the process of fighting a bitter battle to take over southern Weinan. It’s quite possible that across the lake from them, Prince Lu Ten was leading the Armored Corps against Magistrate Gao’s pitiful defensive attempts.

The first of the squadron of the ships learned why the lake has its name. The Great Serpent rose in defense of its home. The naval horns sounded once more and trebuchets were fired. Waves of projectiles crashed against the beast. According to the local, all they did was anger it. It coiled around the lead ship and pulled it under. The other ships temporarily ceased fire to spread out and attempt an attack pattern. The way he described the attack pattern was familiar: two large wings attempting to encircle the beast with a spread out center, each ship far enough away from each other to allow overlapping fire. Why? When the Fire Navy used to be spotted, far off at sea, from Kyoshi Island, they’d form a similar attack pattern. Later admirals learned the wisest strategy was to stay as far from Kyoshi Island as possible, lest the Unagi rise and flood their ships or boil men alive with steaming water jets.   


The Serpent disappeared into the water, negating their attack pattern. When he rose again, it was in the middle of the center. He apparently  _ bit  _ into the bridge of one of the ships, outright tearing it off and spitting it out into the water. The other cruisers around him were far enough away that they could lose volleys of trebuchet projectiles. They did nothing. The Serpent twisted and turned, going from ship to ship. It’d coil around some, bite others, even slam it’s head into some trebuchets. The locals cheered, “they believed that the Serpent would stop the Fire Nation”. Like any other time the local spirits are called into question, they were apathetic. 

One Fire Navy ship Captain turned his ship around and rammed it into the Serpent as it was coiled around one of his or her fellow’s ships. The icebreaker on the front sliced a gash into the Defender of the Lakes, causing it to roar in pain before falling back into the water. The Fire Navy lost a dozen ships, the Serpent vanished, fleeing off to the East Lake. And the locals panicked. 

The Royal Army garrisons of the local villages, all a couple dozen of them, ran to Baijiaju. Young Masaharu and the kids his age were happy to join the local garrison. Young Masaharu recalled a kid his age going “I’ll be a Captain!” while the entire village emptied in flight towards the town. People grabbed farm implements, old spears, old _jis_ , sometimes an antique dao. Masaharu and some of the others were earthbenders. Collectively they wore no helmets, no greaves, not even a chestplate. These boys, the farmers, the townsfolk and the Royal Army were “going to stop the Fire Nation once again” as their fathers did twenty years prior. 

Except this was  _ The Dragon of the West _ , not a regular commander. And The Dragon had never lost a battle. While he was cutting troops down on the beaches of Fanhui, his Admiral, a man by the name of Kizuna, prepared for the “standard” Fire Navy amphibious landing. The ships gathered off the coast, organized into rows of ships. Some earthbenders ran to the beach, pulling up walls. The better earthbenders pulled boulders out of the ground and launched them at the ships. Except this was  _ The Dragon’s Host _ , and his ships were beyond boulder range. _The Dragon_ was being annoyed by all the splashing, and horns sounded once again.

“Hundreds of trebuchets” fired. Each one sent a large boulder, on fire, at this puny town. The walls of the city were smashed through. The town center was demolished. The parade grounds, where most of the  _ regular  _ army had gathered, was directly hit with a dozen projectiles. Young Masaharu happened to be a straggler and thus avoided the barrage. When he walked through the rubble of the gates, the volleys had stopped. At the time, he thought, “oh, maybe they gave up.” 

Then the smoke plumes grew near. And the low whirring of the ship’s engines stopped. He and the rest of his village were assigned to defend one street. And they watched the bow of a ship rise behind the town wall. The villagers quivered. The sage was trying to give some wisdom. And all that wisdom enabled them to watch the bow cut the town wall in two. A man dressed like a member of the Royal Army yelled “brace!” but the villagers barely knew what, or why. Or how.   


Four Komodo Rhinos were stampeding down the street. He and one other earthbender raised an earth wall to stop them, but their horns plowed through the attempt. And if they could get through earth walls, “what could stop them?” The answer was nothing. The farm-implement wielding villagers braced. And all their bracing prepared them to be gored by rhinos. The kid who wanted to be a captain? His head was removed by a dao. 

“The smarter ones ran for it. A couple other men from my village and I fled over to where the Royal Army had gathered its survivors.” There, they built wall after wall. The sounds of combat drew near and before they knew it, they heard the sounds of smashed walls. The earthbenders  _ braced _ and just as the Rhinos made it in, they pulled earth spikes out of the ground to impale the rhinos. This is where our young narrator got his first kill. A small boulder to the head of one of the Rhino riders. Behind the Rhinos poured through waves of Naval Infantry.  _ Shouting _ Naval Infantry. Firebenders with distinctive skull masks at the front. They made quick work of the Royal Army’s lines of troops. Fire blasts burn clothes, burn people and burn weapons. A boulder lobbed into a mass of firebenders _has_ to hit . Was our young narrator a war hero? No. The ones that survived the Fire Nation's landings never were.

He ran for it. He heard a new voice shouting that  _ he  _ -this new voice-  was the officer now but ignored it. He grabbed an ostrich horse and spurred it on. He rode east, stopping off to poach food from a farmhouse. Two days later, he reached The Serpent’s Pass. Specifically, a column of troops who were boarding ships to sail across the East Lake. Amongst the chaos of a disorganized army, he spotted a man with a long beard and the outfit of a Earth Kingdom General standing on top of an artificial stone platform. That man was General Cao. Young Masaharu joined up with the Royal Army, through the age-old method of volunteering and being handed some clothes and a weapon, and boarded one of the many troop junks as it sailed next to the Pass and over to the lands of Nanchang.

This happened to be General Cao’s by-Royal-Decree muster of all Lake-side Earth Kingdom forces. When he got off the junk, it finally hit him. He was amongst total strangers. And now he had to march across  _ all  _ of Nanchang to the Outer Wall. The Grand Secretariat, upon hearing news of The Dragon’s unchecked offensive, ordered all Earth Kingdom forces,  _ that could _ , to march to Ba Sing Se. “Either we’d bleed them dry or we’d die where we stood” was what the soldiers said. The ones that survived, that is. He claims that a thousand fell on the two day forced march, no rest, across farmland,steppeland, desert, and hill country. 

He was “in awe” of the size of the Outer Wall. As he was an earthbender, he was sent to the top of the wall. He would soon after take part in the Six Hundred Day Siege. After the first hundred days, many of the defenders had deserted. To counteract desertion, the Grand Secretariat deployed Dai Li to start executing anyone who fled the walls. Masaharu happened to be a talented earthbender, even at twelve, and racked up a few dozen kills with tactical use of falling rocks. After the Siege, he’d join the Home Guard before eventually being accepted into the Royal Guard’s training. After a certain Princess set most of the Royal Guard on fire, he was promoted. 

Masaharu was applauded for “being smart” and proceeded to be dared to four different arm-wrestles by other members of the Imperial Guard. He won two and lost two though the last one  _ might  _ be because he was intoxicated. I was enjoying these stories as much as anyone else but then the clarion call of my work sounded. “A scroll for Her Imperial Majesty!” shouted a member of the Imperial Guard from the other side of the room.  _ Right, scrolls. _

It was from the Magistrate of Chenping,  _ wait, time to refer to my map _ , who lives in the Region of Huizhou. The Avatar and his friends had stopped off for provisions in his capital of Minquan. They inquired as to where the Earth Empress was and were told “follow the train line south” by the Magistrate. One thing that confused me: we received a scroll from How early today but this man this evening. What  _ would _ make sense is if How sent it southwest to the Serpent’s Junction which doubles as an information junction. Then from there it was redirected towards Jincheng, our last known position. Someone in Jincheng probably knew we had gone to Gaoling and so it was sent to Gaoling. Then it followed the trainline east before reaching us this morning. On the other hand, this scroll probably followed the trainline southwest from Huizhou to us either directly or with one stopover. Why does everyone know where we are? The answer: I might not write a scroll but someone like Wuhan might send letters, daily, ahead to upcoming towns to inform them of our oncoming arrival. And if he doesn’t, word spreads  _ fast  _ from Magistrate to Magistrate.

I thanked the soldiers for their time and went back to my quarters. The herbalists and their green paste returned to harangue me. Stupidly, I blurted out -during their green paste application- “Tomorrow, I won’t need your paste anymore, I’ll have Katara and her magical healing powers”. Toph, who had finished her food, was annoyed. “Tomorrow?” and I disappointedly nodded. “Yes, they’re coming south. Can we come up with a plan?” She yawned. “No, I’m going to sleep”  _ but you were asleep _ . When the herbalists finished dressing my assortment of wounds and inquiring as to my struggle or lack thereof, I was left to the company of darkness and one frustrated Empress. “So you’re not going to...think?” I questioned. “I’m asleep, can’t you tell?” came the sarcastic pile of sheets. “Am I supposed to plan this?” and the sheets ruffled themselves.  _ I can’t speak with a blanket _ . I sat back and thought to myself.

Katara would be busy with me. Namely scolding me like she’s my mom for even  _ getting  _ these wounds, then probably insulting the herbalists for leaving their homes a dozen commanderies away to follow us and take care of me, then sometime before we die getting around to heal my wounds. Sokka probably misses Suki. Suki would justifiably palm-strike him in the chin because “I’m at work”.  _ So I dismiss her for the day?  _ That’s two out of three humans. The skybison would probably be surprised to learn he  _ isn’t  _ the only large mythical beast. Lord Qiangyang, if he’s anything like Toph, would challenge the skybison to a fight. This leaves the Avatar and his invasive-but-polite nature. It’s not going to be as simple as telling them to leave us be, right? He’s the Avatar. He thinks he has the authority to invade other people’s Palaces during peacetime. 

I continued pondering while trying to keep myself from falling asleep. Despite him practically stealing an entire city from us, he’s not our enemy. Lord Lao Beifong is. And like with Omashu, a Free City gives us all the resources without dealing with unrest. But is New Taku a Free City? Or is it something...different? It’s a “self-seceded nation” but technically so is Kyoshi Island. We don’t have to cross it off as having left the Empire yet. If we can get together and act like reasonable people, we can make it work for us. If New Taku allows  _ anyone  _ to run, what’s stopping us from sending in thousands of Earth Empire citizens to vote for the fledgling nation to return to our side. If not that, what does the Avatar control? Does he run the city? That’s very un-Air Nomad-ey of him. If Lao is the true power behind the...chair, then this is much more  _ personal _ . Nonetheless, we should aspire to a diplomatic approach. I fell asleep before I figured out how to get the kid with the facial features of an egg to leave us be. _I’d rather have this conversation in Ba Sing Se._

Next morning, an attendant woke me up just around dawn, as is requested. I rolled around, forcing myself to get up. A quick glance to the other side; Toph had kicked off her blankets. I gathered the ones on the floor, shook them out as quietly as I could, and tossed them back over her. Then I offered her mine because I wasn’t planning on going back to sleep. I grabbed my cane and tied up my Informal Robes and  _ why is my hair all undone. How?  _ So I embarrassingly walked up to the door and exited. Suki and Wuhan gave their bows and I struck up a quiet conversation.

And by conversation I mean I grabbed a handful of my hair and showcased it to the two.  _ Stop snickering. Stop. I know it’s embarrassing. Suki, you’re lucky. You get to keep your hair short. I don’t.  _ “I’m not abandoning the style” I protested her laughter. “You’re loss, not mine” and she took a hand and grabbed some of my hair. “I’ll  _ braid  _ it,  _ Kyoshi _ ”  _ Thanks Sukes _ . I walked over to the nearly deserted living room and sat down and  _ had my hair done _ . 

I addressed something I was wondering for a while. “So you made this cane?” and I put it down at the side. “I did, Your Majesty”  _ why are you formal _ then looking up I spotted a pair of Imperial Guards probably trying to withhold laughter.  _ I know it's funny, stop laughing _ . “Your handiwork has long improved from a fishing rod with no hole for the wire” I said, referring to one of the first projects I remember her embarking on. “Says the man who tried to catch fish with arrows”  _ I can sense the irony, time to exploit it _ . “You mean  _ succeeded  _ at catching a fish with archery” her giggling wished to disagree with my bravado. “One fish for ten arrows is far from success” she stated. _And?_ My counter? “Fishing rods are for people who like sitting around” Suki did her 'hmph' and might've crossed her arms if she wasn't busy doing my hair. “Right, I forgot. You’d loose an arrow while sprinting along the inlet edge," her serious motherly voice was getting on my nerves. I had to show off my skills. “How many people can catch an arrow with a fish?” I said, completely a genius. “Fish with an arrow, Your Majesty” I couldn't slap my face due to the injuries, but I _wished_ I could. 

“How many people can loose an arrow while jumping over a tree trunk and hit a fish?” I lunged in with a question. “The fish was sitting there, awaiting his certain defeat” She cut my question in two with her response. “He’s a fish, Suki. Not a Chin  _ daofei _ Commander.” I parried her strike because it was terrible. “How many people can  _ chase  _ a fish as it swims in the water, trying to pin it with arrow after arrow?” I assaulted her defenses. “How large is ‘many?’” she blocked my question. “Do you know anyone else?” I came back with a jab. “I do not, Your Majesty” she said before breaking into laughter.  _ I’m the only one who can bowfish _ . To add insult to injury, I turned to my right to glance out the window at the low sun, but no, two shadowy figures were standing there. 

“Good-” said the first “-Morning!” the second “Your Majesty” the two said in sync. Then they bowed their conical hats. “Where do you come from? How are you  _ always  _ able to sneak up on me?” and the two looked to one another before strolling past and over to sit down at a table nearby. “We slid along the train carriage” the first stated “On the  _ outside  _ of the carriage” the second clarified “Because the inside is stuffy” the first rationalized “That’s how, Your Majesty” the second concluded.  _ Right, right _ . “How were you not hit by tunnels?” I posed, half-believing them. “We aren’t in a tunnel” the first said while pointing out the window. Then the Sun and trees vanished because we just entered a tunnel. He lowered his hand in disappointment and Suki allocated herself a giggle.

“Suki, where are we?” I tried to turn to speak to the woman who had to sit behind me to queue my hair. Meaning my attempt was for nothing. “Magou, the commandery, Your Majesty” she replied, rehearsed. When we exited the tunnel, an Imperial Guard came walking down the halls. “Your Majesty, we have entered Suixi!”  _ I’m guessing that’s also a commandery? Of course it is. Also, how convienient. Thanks for confusing us.  _ “And where is the Avatar?” I asked.  _ No, you idiot. Speak of the Avatar and the Avatar will arrive.  _ Not a moment later, the spirits beheld me the honor of...

_ Roar _ . The faint roar of a skybison. The last skybison in the world. Ridden by the last airbender. With his companions, the last of the Southern waterbenders and some guy with a boomerang. Our side countered with a roar of its own.  _ You go Lord Qiangyang! Roar back!  _ Then a door was  _ kicked  _ open and I heard a bunch of “good morning, Your Majesty”s and as I turned around, my hair now mostly done up, I came face-to-lifeless-eyes with Her Imperial Majesty. “That was Twinkletoes' giant fluffy sky buffalo. That means Twinkletoes is here” and she grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair. And dragged me back to her quarters.  _ But my hair isn’t done.  _ I didn’t want  _ Katara  _ to have more bolts with which to impale me with...because...crossbow.  _ I can make word-based jokes, too, Suki. I know you can’t hear me but you’re still laughing. _

“Kyoshi, what are we going to do?” Toph said, a perfect combination of moody, tired -because Her Imperial Majesty needs as much sleep as Her Imperial Majesty demands-, hungry and angry. She took her fist and slammed the bed with it. I say ‘her’ but it was more like a curtain of black hair. A curtain parted in some places so I could catch a glimpse of her eyes. Not that either of us needed to, but politeness dictates giving one’s attention to eyes. Did I recall my plan from the previous night?

Would I be the Imperial Consort if I did?  _ Would I?  _ Would I be me if I remembered the correct plan and didn’t improvise at the last possible moment? “I don’t want to speak to Twinkletoes. Save it for Ba Sing Se” she exclaimed.  _ I’m glad we’re on the same side _ . “And Katara? Sokka? Your Majesty would rather speak to them?”  _ Why do I ask these things?  _ “Sugar Queen?” and she stuck out her tongue. “Captain Boomerang? If he wants to take me out to dinner-”  _ I didn’t mean that _ . “We could have the Dai Li stop them?” I proposed. “That’s stupid” she replied, putting on her wrestler outfit. “We could tell them we don’t want to speak to them?” and I sensed a glare. “Remember the last time we did that?”  _ No? Why would I?  _ “I don’t. I’m not a walking record of every event that’s happened and the Avatar keeps bumping into our journey-” but she cut me off. “Last time we wanted to be left alone the Imperial Army almost shot us all down with surface-to-air rocks”.  _ Oh, right. Caldera.  _ “Wasn’t that my idea?” I questioned, inadvertently filling my feet with arrows. The carpet of hair held up her hands and shrugged. 

“A plan...Katara will be busy with me so that’s one out of three dealt with” I began establishing a last-moment war plan. “And Twinkletoes and Captain Boomerang?” Now  _ I  _ shrugged. “Tell the Avatar there’s a endangered animal in the mountains and tell Sokka he can regain his honor... _ wait that’s the Fire Lord _ , tell Sokka…” but I was cut off yet again. “Captain Boomerang? Ask your fangirl” and she pointed at the doorway. So I got off the bed,  _ how did I even sit down on this and forget doing so _ and walked to the door. “Captain!” and the two captains responded “Yes, Your Majesty?” _No, not both of you!_ “Captain Suki, can you come inside for a moment?” and I opened the door and she walked in. A simple bow and the formalities were done. “Sokka’s coming along and he probably misses you” and she blushed. “Yes, he does”  _ stop holding your hands together innocently, you just sliced a man in two a few days ago _ . “We don’t want the Avatar to come inside-”  _ Toph why are you laughing.  _ She cut my monologue off with  “Ha! That’s what Sugar Queen says!"  _ okay thanks for that contribution. Wait. Maybe your dirty mind actually has a point. No. No it doesn’t.  _

It did. I hadn’t yet had whiskey, so my mind was fargone from the world of us mere mortals. Toph and Suki were talking and exchanging desperate ideas and my mind was doing things. I sat there for a pregnant amount of time until Toph mentioned “-that time when the Avatar didn’t know what a concubine was-” made me  _ get it _ . “I got it!” I exclaimed to the two of them. One held up her hand, the other looked at me. “The Avatar’s a moron!” was my cry. “Yes, Kyoshi, we went over that”  _ Oh. I feel like the Avatar now _ . I had to clarify. “I meant...he doesn’t know things” and my vagueness was abrasively absurd and aggravatingly annoying. “What  _ things _ ? I don’t know why the Sun rises in the east, that doesn’t make me a moron” Suki challenged. “And I don’t know what the Sun looks like, and I’m the greatest earthbender of all time!” Toph added. “I meant...womanly things” because in my head, I was connecting the last night before I lost my eye, when I went to offer the newly arrived Avatar a houseful of concubines, and his ignorance for us mere mortals and our plights. 

“What womanly things?” Toph inquired.  _ Okay maybe you’re the worst person in the world to try discussing this with.  _ “Suki, hear me out. Womanly. Things” and somewhere behind those blue eyes, she also  _ got it _ . Suki explained it much better than I could. And her explanations were translated into Toph speak. From there, the three of us  _ might  _ have created the wackiest war plan in the history of war plans. “In the name of myself, I initiate Operation Moon Cycle!” Her Imperial Majesty stated, and her word was Imperial Edict codified.

What was Operation Moon Cycle? A gambit. A really stupid gambit. “I’m betting eleven gold coins that this works” and Suki put down eleven gold coins. Because Suki has never had a mature version of  _ The Talk  _ with Sokka, despite Sokka being my age, she theorized that Aang likewise wouldn’t know because he’s a monk. “And the Air Nomads never spent time with their other half” as Suki put it. And Katara...well I’d be preoccupying her. Suki was the architect of this plan. I’d take Katara and find the washroom,  _ I don’t remember where it is, not my fault _ . Toph would scare the two young men away with absolute gibberish comments while challenging her exhaustion into a fake kind of anger. And Suki? She’d guard the door.

The train slowed to a stop. Shortly thereafter, Wuhan banged on our door to inform us “His Holiness has landed next to one of the entranceways and is requesting permission to enter.” I looked at the other two, “Your Majesty, Captain, let’s do this” and I took my cane and hobbled to the door. I was dressed in my Imperial Informal Robe, Suki in her Kyoshi Warrior armor, and Toph deliberately made herself look more disheveled. She had me run my hands through her hair, tousling it. Then she tore off her wrestler outfit and was wearing just her undergarments. From there, she would hide underneath a pile of blankets “like I hid underground waiting for Fire Lord Hothead!” 

_ Sure, why not _ .

I took my cane and went up to the main doorway. My partially done up hair helped with whatever collective 'appearance',  _ collective for Toph and I, Suki gets to maintain her decorum _ , we were going for. I spotted Appa through one of the windows. He was off in a nearby field eating some grass.Then came the moment of action. I opened the door and was greeted by the Avatar and his large eyes watching me, Katara in some kind of pose and Sokka looking behind me. “Good morning, Your Earthliness!” and Aang brought up his hands in Air Nomad style bow.  _ That’s still not my title, but who am I to complain?  _

“Good morning, Your Holiness” and I brought up my hands in a Fire Nation bow.  _ Note to self, there’s no proper Earth Empire bow for bows to foriegn leaders. There’s no royalty-to-royalty bow like in the Fire Nation. The Water Tribes don’t seem civilized enough to understand what a bow is, and the Air Nomads think everyone is ‘equal under the spirits’. Probably because the whole concept of the Mandate rejects anyone else of any other nation as a world leader.  _ Good thing the Avatar and his friends have no idea what bows belong to who. “You look quite good, Your Earthliness”  _ please stop calling me that.  _ “I don’t know, Aang, he has bandages wrapped in places bandages aren’t supposed to be”  _ yes, Katara. That’s right.  _ “I thank the three of you for taking time out of...doing something diplomatic, to fly all the way down here” and I did some more bowing. “No problem, Your Earthliness!” the young Avatar said, absolutely glowing with... _ happiness?  _ Does he love helping  _ anyone _ ? I suppose that’s  _ one  _ way to be the Avatar.

Some formal greetings later, “Your Majesty, if you’d follow me to Appa” and Katara led the way. A note to all Earth Monarchs. It’s usually not a good idea to follow the Water Tribe woman  _ out  _ of the safety of your armored carriage and over to the giant sky buffalo  _ I meant skybison _ . But I’m also not the Earth Monarch so maybe that comment doesn’t apply to me. I set off, the other two stepping -well Aang had to  _ air hop _ \- to the side to let me pass. As we walked over to the bellowing skybison, I heard the lockstep clatter of feet and turned around to see a platoon of guards. “I order you to go back to the carriage!” I had to command them. Why? I didn’t think Katara would do anything to me because unlike the Earth Empire or the Fire Nation, the Avatar and his companions lack any subtlety or nuance. They don’t have hidden agendas. That’s the only way to explain their blundering innocence. 

After passing a security screening, Appa, I got on the bison and was instructed to lie down while the prodigy looked me over. As is part of all this, I had to pull off the top part of my Informal Robes to allow her a good look at the bandages. Due to the uncomfort of having a pommel on my side, I took off my scabbard and she grabbed it and put it a leg-length out of reach. “Are you afraid I’ll accidentally kill you?” I pondered while looking at the sky. “Maybe…” she countered in...well I’d say a mock of her voice  _ but that’s her voice _ . I heard that waterskin uncork and I twitched involuntarily. Not because I  _ knew  _ she’d stick a icicle through my head, but her father’s friend  _ did  _ try sticking a spear in my leg, a cutter full of Water Tribesmen tried impaling Suki and I with spears, her sister tribe’s capital was ransacked by the Imperial Navy...and there’s probably more. 

I’m surrounded by earthbenders and yet watching water twist and contort as it flows around her hands before balling up into flat discs is mesmerizing. Imposing, even. And she’s sitting back, relaxed, doing this. Here I’m lying with my blade and one day soon, my bow. I’m never going to have a counter for such skill. She ran the water over me without making any physical contact. “Who took care of you? They did a terrible job at wrapping your side” she said assertively. “A pair of herbalists who travelled all the way from Xinyang” I responded, to which she looked me in the eye as if what I said made no sense.  _ Of course it doesn’t make sense, it’s wrong _ . “Hegou, not Xinyang” I clarified, but her look stuck.  _ Maybe it’s because she doesn’t know where that is _ . “...The southwest Earth Empire. Northwest of Gaoling” I tried to make it as simple as possible. “So, like, Omashu?”she asked.  _ What?  _ “How is Omashu northwest of Gaoling?” I asked, and I felt like I was back in the Great Hall discussing geography with  _ children _ . “Gaoling is south of Omashu, right?”  _ And the Beifong Flying Boar doesn’t have wings.  _ “Gaoling is on the other side of a mountain range-” I was _going_ to exposit but was interrupted by her and her “South of Omashu". “Omashu is not near Gaoling” I countered. All the while she was running her water over my side and I felt this...numbing sensation. “They’re connected by the same mountain range right?” she asked. “The Two Lovers Mountains are to the  _ west  _ of Omashu and the Nantu Mountains are  _ north  _ of Gaoling” I explained. But she didn’t get it. “Do you have a map?” and I reached over to the bundle of...blankets, now that I think about it, tied to the back end of Appa’s saddle. I knew for certainty they had a map. Sokka is good with maps. That and meat, and jokes, and a boomerang, are his trades. As long as he knows what he’s reading. Katara grabbed said hand and placed it back down next to me. “No moving, or I could hurt you”  _ okay thanks, anxiety ready to take off.  _

“Your rib’s fine” and she smirked. “Now, on to your thigh” and she motioned the water down to a spot where a crossbow bolt once stuck itself. She gave me this surprised look of... _ surprise _ and gestured to my thigh. “How are you not in pain? The bolt punched a hole in your leg. In fact, how did you avoid losing the leg entirely?” she said with a kind of shock. “Two things, whiskey and armor, in that order” I explained while her water glowed on the  _ it still tingles  _ spot. “And who removed the crossbow bolt? They did a terrible job”  _ thank you, Imperial Mother _ . “I don’t know, I was knocked out” I lied through my teeth. “I’m pretty certain whiskey can’t numb such pain” she said, being quite wise. “I’m pretty certain you’ve never tried” I said, also being quite wise. “Maybe the herbalists weren’t that bad. Would you mind if I go ask them for their recipe?” she said while this numbing sensation in my thigh dissipated.  _ In mere moments she did more than two herbalists did in weeks _ . “Can I tell them that you think they did a terrible job first?”  _ oh good, launch another arrow into your foot, genius _ . The warm water that was running over my thigh became ice water before snapping back to warm. The thing is, Katara didn’t acknowledge it. She didn’t apologize and I wasn’t about to ask “did I hurt your feelings?” or something akin to that because I’d rather not get frozen by ice.

She moved up to my face and my wrapped up nose. She cut the wrappings off with a quick slice which is much more terrifying to watch than to hear. If her hands were but a little bit off, she’d cut my face in two. “You...whoever you fought got an elbow or two in, huh?” she said, scolding me for my insane actions. Not that I’d admit them. “I do as Her Imperial Majesty commands” I said the truth, hoping that would give her a respect for the Badgermole Throne. “That can’t be smart. If Her Imperial Majesty commanded you to take a rowboat and row to the Fire Nation, would you?” she asked with that skeptical voice that really fits with Sokka instead, but hey, they're siblings so perhaps there's some overlap. “Yes, I would” At the time, I said this with great passion. I was thinking  _ she’ll see our dedication to our Empress _ but no, she tried quip-countering. “Then you’d die.” “I would, but Her Imperial Majesty would never give me such a suicidal command.”  _ Reprimand coming in three...two...one _ . “Your nose is broken and has barely healed. You just said you were commanded to do this duel. Why didn’t you turn around and do what any normal person would do and reject the offer?”  _ For one thing, I’m not normal. I’m from Kyoshi Island. For a second thing… _ “You’ve travelled the lands of the Earth Kings for a year. One does not simply  _ reject  _ a command from the Earth Monarch.”  _ Childish reprimand coming right up _ . “Well that’s dumb.”  _ And your alternative, savages killing each other over a snow leopard caribou pelt is better?  _ “What would you and your years of experience suggest, then?” I asked, sarcastically. She didn’t take it as sarcasm. “Say no. Tell someone else to do the duel. Aang would probably say ‘have both sides come together and try diplomacy first’ and he’s right.”  _ Of course he’s right, to you.  _

“As your nose was wrapped up incorrectly, I’ll have to rebreak it to heal it” and she put the water back in the waterskin, got up from her sitting position and walked over to the bundle of blankets and other goods. “Did you just say re-break it?” I asked, watching her file her hands through the disorganized mess of supplies. “That’s the only way to heal it” and she pulled a rag out. “Here, I bought this back in Ba Sing Se” and she handed me a rag like she was serving tea.  _ Am I supposed to eat this?  _ She uncorked the waterskin and put a...disc of water in each hand. She put them on the sides of my head. “So this will numb what’s about to come next” and saying it like  _ that  _ only made me more nervous. As she held her hands there, I felt...lightheaded. Like I was about to pass out from exhaustion. “What...are you...doing?” and now my arms went limp. “Making sure what’s about to happen won’t hurt as much.” and she wrapped the rag and offered it to me once again. “You might want to bite down on this”  _ Oh no. Not this _ . I opened my mouth and she placed it in.  _ I can’t exactly adjust it, my arms are limp.  _ I could’ve promised I heard her go “well there’s a first for everything” and my thoughts went immediately to  _ I hope this isn’t a first for her _ . “Three, two...one” I forced myself to bite on this rag  _ that’s missing the whiskey component _ . I believe she used the water to  _ grab  _ my nose...and...

_ Snap _ . 

I screamed. I screamed through the rag. I screamed loud enough to make the birds _caw_ and _squawk_ and take flight. I hope Katara covered her ears. “It worked! I did it!” She congratulated herself while I felt a pain I haven’t felt in...well I’d say a year but the last time the waterbender performed surgery on me. The sensation of watching your nose be broken is so...it's beyond words. Searing hot pain _right ther_ _e_. She ran her water back over my head and I was now able to pick up my hands. And move them. _I missed you, hands._ _Rumble_. She ignored it while she healed my nose with her glowing water. _Crash, rumble_. She finished healing, "You're as good as new, save the scars!". Then I heard something smash, quite close to us, and Appa roaring. The water fell from her hands and soaked my face. _Well that’s pretty...cold_. “Appa!” she yelled and she pulled the water _off_ my face and back into her waterskin. Said skybison roared once more as something _else_ roared in the distance. Then a boulder flew over our heads. Sensitivity had returned to my body and I sat up. Before I could look over the saddle, I heard then _felt_ the Avatar scootering by on his ball of air. Where did he come from? I have no idea. One foot on a ball, the other clutching his staff. I looked over the side just in time to watch the Avatar cut a earth pillar apart with airbending. Behind the earth pillar, a badgermole.

“Stop, badgermole! Listen to me! I am the Avatar, the great bridge between the spirits and the humans!” and the badgermole launched another boulder at him. One he smashed with his staff. “My friends and I were stopping to visit Her Earthliness!” and another boulder cut him off. He smacked the boulder with his staff, plowing it into the ground. “Did we tread upon your holy site?” and he had to avoid a plate of earth trying to smash him in the face. The badgermole kept coming closer. The Avatar brought up his own earth wall but the badgermole smashed his head through it. “What do you want?” and he jumped in front of the badgermole, probably trying to have a conversation with him. “What is your name, oh graceful badgermole?” he said while blocking another boulder.  _ Lord Qiangyang, Your Holiness.  _ Appa had stomped forward a few paces at the behest of Katara and her reins.

I watched the badgermole take a swipe at the Avatar, but the Avatar jumped on his airscooter and flew around in circles. Looking out from the saddle, I spotted platoons of Dai Li sliding out the front entrance of the carriage,  _ what, you’re not going to break the wall apart?  _ And towards us. They didn’t intervene. They were like spectators and this was like some kind of bizarre Earth Rumble. I realized that I had sensitivity in my legs. I grabbed my scabbard, went over the saddle’s rim, and tossed my scabbard over the side. I then dived off the skybison and rolled to a stop.  _ There’s that Kyoshi Island training paying off _ . I got up and found myself maybe one badgermole amount of feet away from the badgermole. The badgermole kept swiping at the Avatar, the Avatar blew gales back at him and the Dai Li rooted their stances and dipped their hats to the winds. 

“Get out of here, Your Earthliness!” the Avatar shouted to me once he noticed me standing a few paces from him and the badgermole. Said badgermole was hammering the Avatar with more earth columns. Columns Aang had to either cut out from under him or jump over. “Lord Qiangyang!” and Lord Qiangyang turned his head toward me and stuck out his tongue like an oversized wolf-dog, panting. While Aang held his staff, ready to cut more boulders apart, I  _ ran,  _ for the first time in weeks, over to the badgermole. I put my hand on his snout and he licked my hand. So I embraced him with a hug and got my entire body licked for it. It was only then, finally then, that I realized my Informal Robe was still on Appa. 

“Wait…” and the whole world had to stop to let the arbiter of peace between the mortal realms put the picture together. “You know this badgermole?” he asked with his confused face. I launched arrows with my good eye at the Avatar. “Please refer to him as Lord Qiangyang, and, yes” and I petted Lord Qiangyang right above his eyes. Aang scootered over but was greeted with me blocking someone much larger than me. “He still doesn’t like you” and Lord Qiangyang growled. “But I’m the Avatar, the bridge between the-” I didn't have time for his idealistic dribble. “And he’s not a spirit. He’s Lord Qiangyang, our best friend” The Avatar's barely in this world eyebrows raised. “‘Our?’” I smiled. “Her Imperial Majesty’s best friend and personal mount, Lord Qiangyang.” and that caused Aang to bring his hand up to bow to the massive Wielder of the Mandate of Adorableness. The Dai Li, too, bowed to the great creature. And me? I petted the area above his snout. “You like that, don’t you, Your Highness?” and Lord Qiangyang licked my chest because he couldn’t reach my hands.

“But if he-” “His Highness” “I’m sorry, if His Highness knew you, why did he attack me?” and I stated “He heard me scream in pain and came to my rescue” and I smiled to my savior. “Scream in pain?” and Aang looked at Katara who looked back at him pig-sheepishly. “I think His Earthliness is overstating it” she countered, absolutely refusing to admit to being the genius who caused this. “But why attack me?” Aang asked Katara then turned to face I. “He came out of his cave to protect me” and I continued petting the mount who punched through a wall or ten for my defense. “But I’m the Avatar-” he protested “Lord Qiangyang doesn’t care.” I said, speaking for my good friend. A grumble confirmed this.

Aang mounted his airball and rode over to Katara. “I’m glad you’re alright” Katara oogie-shly said to Aang before the two traded a nose kiss.  _ I didn’t need to see that _ . “Where’s Sokka?” Katara said after pulling out of their enjoyable moment together. I heard her question and turned to the line of Dai Li. “Find Prince Sokka and bring him out here!” and I whispered to Lord Qiangyang “you can go back to sleep now, thanks” and gave him a head scratch for thanks. He gave me a lick and dragged himself off to his chambers. 

The hat-wearing men of the Dai Li punched holes in things that didn’t need holes before retrieving the shirtless Prince and dragging his Princely self out here. Clutched in his hands was Captain Suki, who thankfully  _ was  _ still wearing her undergarments. “I can explain” the embarrassed boomerang wielder said while being deposited at my feet. The Dai Li proceeded to skate off back to the carriage. 

_ So...Operation Moon Cycle failed?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, go on a deep dive examination of flower robes and learn how to flirt with a Dai Li agent!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks:  
> -Suki would be great at being an encyclopedia. Ding.   
> -Dongdi was the home commandery of one of Baatar's fellow Southern Magistrates who came to the Yahazhen Army's rescue at the Gong Basili.  
> -Zhaonan/Chin, titular v de jure. Zhaoze De/Gong Basili. Sakasu is the edge of the Dongfang Peninsula. Chameleon Bay is not the correct name, but there's a whole chapter on that later.  
> -Limlo is the same family as from Gaoling. Yanxicun is down the road from Gaoling.  
> -Siwan is the set of three commanderies including Yanxicun.   
> -Lord Qiangyang likes caves, as badgermoles are known to do.  
> -Baijiaju is a town, Muli a commandery, Muli is southwest of the Serpent's Pass.   
> -Azula killed the Great Serpent with lightning.  
> -Masaharu's story might be somewhat dramatic, but the events did happen.  
> -The whole Operation Moon Cycle is based on what I'd imagine a bunch of teenagers would come up with for a plan. It's so idiotic and yet it just felt like the right thing to try. It's a one of it's kind, don't worry.


	13. (79-1) The Flirts, The Songs, An Oblivious Egg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first half of Chapter 79, it would've taken 8 hours to publish so I only took 4 and published the first half. 
> 
> Part I of the Terrible Train Talks anthology of chronologically connected stories that bridge the gap between adventurous Earth Rumbles and the nightmare of bureaucratic red tape that is the Imperial Court.

Chapter Seventy-Nine (The First Seventy Nine):

“Would you  _ like  _ to explain?” I asked the Prince as he collected himself. His hastily made reply, as sturdy as a Imperial-made biplane?  “So I went to ask Her Earthliness how she was doing and I found Suki standing outside the front door-”  “Why are you not wearing a shirt?” _rudely_ interrupted a person running up behind myself in her usual annoyed self as opposed to her other motherly self or my less-annoyed ' _what am I even doing here'_ self. Either way, self. I looked down at my lack of a cover, go figure, that's a side effect of having surgery performed, and turned around to face the oncoming annoyed waterbender.  _ Quick, think of something. Something wise _ . “I do as Her Imperial Majesty commands. If she wishes for me to go without a shirt, I will-” _Note: That was not the wisest thing to say to a woman. Or_ _Katara_. “Not you, him!” and Katara halted, instantly going into a hands-on-hips pose to face her brother.  _ Oh, of course. Why would you care about my lack of _ \- “Your robe’s over there” she interrupted my _wise_ monologue and pointed at the docile skybison being petted by his best friend. 

“Your Holiness, can you fetch me my robe?” I shouted. I could’ve ran but  _ it’s more fun to stand here and listen to a sister reprimand her brother _ . _Yes, Suki, now I get to be the spectator, not the competitor_. “You make fun of Aang and I when we kiss, which, _by the way_ , how immature of you, but the moment you find Suki, who _has a job_ , you lose your shirt?” I expected the sea that we were tangentially adjacent to, _thanks maps_ , to freeze. But we were only tangentially adjacent to it and not _practically_ adjacent to it. Nonetheless, _it's_ _ reprimand time _ . The two got face-and-face and engaged in a duel of words. “I was saying to His Earthliness-” “Say it to me, he’s probably busy”  _ I’m not. I’m standing here. I promise, I have far more important massage-related tasks to do, but they can wait. It's rare to have the, as one angsty Fire Lord would say, honor, to witness such spectacles. _ Some kind of wind-like blast of wind tossed me my Informal Robes. Then he dropped my weapon next to my side. “Thanks Your Holiness!” and I’m sure the happy Avatar was waving to me as he said “no problem, Your Earthliness!” from whatever high point of pride he was gallivanting around on. Or an airball.  _ That’s still not my name _ . _Your Earthliness doesn't conjugate properly. And it's not even a title. Then again Lord Egg is not a title, but it's your title. So, Lord Egg, can we agree to agree?_  


Sokka’s beloved, no not the girl -I mean _young woman_ , _forgive me Your_ _Majesty_ \- with the one-sided crush on him, also no, not the one dressed like a pink circus acrobat with the one-sided mega-crush, the _other_ _other_ one, marched into this three way conversation of two. “Forgive me, Your Majesty” and she bowed to me. The two siblings looked at us for a moment. “I should ask for your forgiveness, I see that I interrupted a moment of happiness” I said in a mock of Oyaji’s accent before hitting Suki in the shoulder. _Because if Toph can do it to me, I can do it to her_. _I'm talking about shoulder punches, not whatever strange things you're definitely giggling to, Sukes_. “But...but...my brother! He has no shirt!” Katara pointed out for those of us who are visually limited. Like me. No wait I'm mentally limited. _I don't have time for this_. “And?” Suki and I said at the same time, a demonstration of our eerie vaguely-convenient and sometimes-useful sync powers. “He makes fun of when Aang and I kiss!” said the woman who was supposedly taking the ‘mature’ or 'motherly' side of the argument. Her whiny voice didn't help her point-of-view. I dared to cut her maturity in two. “So what? Did you ask him what happened?” But, you can't argue with someone who's very mature and _such_ a grown-up. You just can't. They're always older and right-er than you. And they can waterbend. “Why would I need to? He probably saw Suki and” she raised her hands and modified her voice to sound like Sokka’s, well, inebriated Sokka's, but close enough, “went something like ‘Oh Suki, I love you so much, let’s go to a closet and take off our clothes!’ and thank Tui and La, you grabbed him before-” Sokka's desperate cries of confession made his sister halt her offensive offensive. “That’s not what happened.” As it happened, he was the immature one with a more mature perspective. At least he _admits he makes mistakes_. 

“I saw Suki and she tackled me” and now Katara’s annoyed look was looking at an annoyed Suki. Suki, albeit annoyed, was still a Kyoshi Islander. And we like to smile when we've been...well 'found out' implies that accidental-shirt-removal was illegal, and it's not. Let's go with...we like to smile when we've had fun. And won. And had fun while winning. “I did. Then I dragged _you"_ and she couldn't say that _more_ flirtatiously if she tried, "to a closet”. And Sokka took his hands and frantically pointed at Suki like she was a phantom about to vanish. “See! She started it!” he said in an accusatory tone. _Nobody expected someone to confess and the confession to be proven accurate. Where's the fun of_ _that_? She continued her smiling campaign against Katara, “I did. And he enjoyed it. Or we would’ve...” and if one needed proof of her genuineness, she blushed. “How could you, Suki?” the frustrated-because-her-argument-was-blown-out-of-the-sky Katara asked, throwing her hands to her sides. “That’s Captain Suki to you, non-Imperial” some random Dai Li agent who popped in from a different scene, maybe an action-related one, informed us. “ _ Captain _ Suki, how could you?” Katara, after looking at this obscure conical hat person, corrected herself. “That’s Her Highness, Captain Suki, to you, as you are not a noblewoman.” the average-heighted hat wearer added. “But you just said..." but whatever Katara just said didn't matter because the reality of trying to debate a Dai Li agent hit her like a boulder hitting a fleshy, fleshy, human, "...nevermind.” and Katara walked off. To avoid the inevitable waterbender versus earthbender duel of mood-swings versus ceiling-swings, I yelled “Master Katara! Recall that on Kyoshi Island, we have different customs!” Credit to me, I tried to conclude the discussion on a high point for our culture and a lowpoint for her’s. “What customs?” she shouted to me, since she was standing too far away to have a normal voiced conversation with. Oh, and Suki giggled. Continuing my campaign of Kyoshi Island-is-best-Island-your-island-is-worse, “There’s no ‘oogies’ here, Master Katara, Captain Suki likes Sokka, she’s free to do whatever she wishes”. “But he’s still a hypocrite” she counter-shouted, flailing her arms about like a drowning rock attempting to grow a pair of arms. _Wait but rocks can't grow arms._ She flailed her hands about exactly as one would expect her to flail them about. That kind of nonsense works in water but on land? Ha. I pointed out to her, using my finger, “So? Welcome to politics." Before she could comprehend what I said, a horn blared.

“Her Imperial Majesty is coming outside!” announced a nameless Imperial Guard. I ran away from the lovers, and the  _ other  _ lovers lovingly loving each other next to their sky bison, and over to the train carriage door. Why? Well, according to the wise playwright Pu-On Tim, my 'lover' was showing up and as such I was required to answer her summons. In his 'plays', such 'summons' tend to result in things that are not appropriate for sentient beings underneath the age of one hundred and eighteen. “At attention!” I yelled like I was being kneed somewhere I shouldn't be kneed, and I drew my _jian_. The Dai Li who were already stiff had to look back and forth to ensure they maintain a, in this case, three men spread of stiff-backed stiffness. The Imperial Guard poured out of the carriage in an organized fashion, most of them quite happy to reconnect with their grassy roots, and lined up on either side of an aisle that didn’t exist.  _ It’s just grass.  _ Didn’t matter, they were still trained to form two lines and they formed those lines. Then came the bannermen, or, men of the Imperial Guard carrying the Imperial Standard and other Imperial Flags and Imperial Banners and _Imperial Imperial Imperial..._ Nobody was kowtowing to me because they were all busy forming lines and ensuring absolute perfection. And carrying things with earth coins on them. And flying boars. And golden fans.  


“Your Majesty, where do our lines go?” one of the Imperial Guard asked, his small goatee beard threatening to pop out of his helm.  _ I guess it’s not absolute perfection _ . Because I'm not a walking organizer of people, I honestly told him “I have no idea. Just keep the lines straight.” Because I _am_ a purveyor of cool poses, I sheathed my blade and tightened up my Informal Robes.  _ Under, over, through the loop _ . _No, you screwed it up and tied your sarashi to your robes. Genius. Over, under, through the loop._ Then for dramatic effect, since we’re all about showing off, I drew my blade again. I could've placed it on the ground, or not sheathed it at all, my clothes were already on, but...why do less work? It  _ might  _ also  be because I love the sound of unsheathing a blade and will look - _ha_ \- for any opportunity to unsheath my blade. Also because this one Piandao-forged blade costs more than most people's _siheyuan_ _s._ The Avatar and his two friends formed a 'kind of' line over by Appa. Somehow even with just three they can’t maintain any semblance of organization. How this person was slated to bring world peace...I have no idea. _Get, in, a, line! Pretend to be in a line!_ Captain Wuhan and his thick Northern accent meant Her Imperial Majesty was near.  _ Quick, you idiot, come up with all the proper titles. And get 'em right! _ I had to cough twice. I pointed my _really really expensive blade_ at the really really 'important' egg and shouted “Your Holiness!”   


“Presenting…” _time for a deep inhale. One, two, three. Deep. Inhale._ “Her Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Empress, the Lady of Gaoling, the Blind Bandit, Daughter of the Spirits, the Liberator of Ba Sing Se, the Reformer, the Inventor of Metalbending, Slayer of Fire Lord Ozai, Winner of Earth Rumble Five and Seven, Rider of Badgermoles, the Victor of the Hundred Year War, Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits and-” I spend through the titles at the speed of a duck-goose on the run from me- only to be cut off, like a duck-goose on the run from me, by “Oh be quiet Kyoshi!” the child-sized Empress's voice, followed by her, herself, as she exited the carriage. Two lines of golden Imperial Guard sank to the ground in one mass motion. _Good on you lot, you can kowtow!_ The Dai Li line bowed in their personal style. Katara and Sokka copied Aang’s Air Nomad style of bow. _The Court's still out on whether or not that's even a bowing style or if he's just leaning over to tie his nonexistent shoes. Because only peasants go barefoot. Well...peasants and mountain-flicking Empresses._ Being at the end of one of the lines and also being me, I was the last to go down. I planted my blade in the soft soil and kowtowed to the casually-walking-over-to-me person. While in a kowtow, I was privileged to watch this pair of small feet walk down the dirt before reaching where I lay. “Oh get up, you’re not good lying there!” and unsure of whether the command was to myself or to the entire force, everyone got up at the same time. _Note, I wish there was a shorter way to say her titles. But she’s got so, so many. And we're only going to invent more because someone's got a well-paying job replacing all those signs. If it exists, there is a title for it.  
_

I got up and sure enough, her hair was still a mess and she was dressed in her usual wrestler attire. I forced myself, by pretending that a randomly appeared Ty Lee popped into existence, to bow to the three foreign dignitaries. I tried to act as the herald of the Empress, “Her Imperial Majesty has been preoccupied with-” but I was cut off by her, herself. “Boredom. Sitting in a stuffy carriage is stuffy and  _ boring _ ” so said the ear-picking Empress who just began her ear-picking. “You know who I love?” She asked, clearly the whole 'let's _not_ engage the Avatar in conversation' plan was working wonders.  _ Where’s this going?  _ “Captain Boomerang, Your Majesty?” I offered.  _ No, no, the crush was meant to be secret, you too-sober-for-your-own-good-self _ . “Qiang!” she screamed, giddily, and fell to the ground and began rolling around in the dirt. _No, no of course. You love your mount. Who was I kidding?_ While she inquired “Where’s my Qiang?” I punished myself with one faceslap. Since my nose was not-broken anymore, I could get away with doing that. “He walked over there” and because  _ I  _ was ‘preoccupied’ with watching Toph roll around in the dirt, _and slapping my face_ , I didn’t see where the Avatar was pointing or even if he was pointing. Oh, and he was standing to my right, so I doubt I'd have even seen him anyways. But it's fine, Toph backed me up in the best way she knew how. “That’s very helpful, Twinkletoes." Then she opted to get up, _here_ _ , you can take my hand...or don’t it’s fine _ , and rubbed some dust in her matted hair. She ran off to the carriage where her favorite friend resides and headbutted herself through the wall that some Dai Li worked very hard to rebuild. They might've groaned but that would've been cancelled out by her act of casually headbutting a thick stone wall.   


“Your Majesty, what do you want us to do with the Avatar?” I asked, accidentally letting it sound like he was my prisoner. _Note, please never treat your honored guests as prisoners, and please don't deceive them and fail miserably_. “You sound like you’re treating us like your prisoners” came the skeptical Sokka. _No, really?_ “I do as Her Imperial Majesty commands” I said, formally, while informally going _no, really?_ Before he skeptically drew his boomerang out of his boomerang purse, _a very manly purse_ , I declared that “If they’d like some tea, they can have some tea. Dai Li!” -and the Dai Li bowed- “Entertain the Avatar’s team!” Three surprised tones, all somewhere between cold and dead cold, “Entertain?”. “But the Dai Li are-” and I cut off Sokka's question with my answer. “Secret police? Expert assassins? Talented polite information retrievers? Loyal servants of the Badgermole Throne? Of course.” I answered a question they may or may not have asked. Then I answered more of that question, since for every shadowy positive there must be a more populist positive. “They are also excellent artists, musicians and poets.” With a hint of _dreaminess_ to her voice, Katara went “ _ Artists? _ ” Surprised, Aang piped in “Musicians?” “Poets? I’m a poet” Sokka said while enunciating his voice to sound like a poet would sound when inebriated. I looked at them like they were all crazy. “What, you think the Dai Li spend all day working and turning our problems into solutions?” and the Dai Li heads nodded. _I wasn't asking you, General Bobble and the Bobblers_. “Judging by their reactions, yes?” Aang said, on the fence between belief and disbelief. _Kind of like how we were all on the fence as to whether you were dead or just avoiding responsibilities_. “The Dai Li have such soft sweet voices!” came Her Imperial Majesty in a more girlish voice, _eww, oogies_ , from a dark cave-like carriage.  _ How do you hear us...wait of course your hearing is excellent. Carry on, everyone _ . I pointed my imaginary blade at them and yelled “Dai Li! Sing for them!” and the line of Dai Li broke formation and their heads tilted in either direction, as if silently picking the couple who are unlucky enough to be chosen. After a few moments of shock and surprise as the whole world -not really the whole world but everyone that mattered- watched the Dai Li bobble about, a platoon of agents walked forward. 

They broke off into three lines and formed up in front of the Avatar and his awestruck companions. A pair of agents at the front, a pair behind them, the rest forming a wall. A completely  _ different  _ agent skated up to the Avatar, bowed, and declared “Presenting, the Imperial Dai Li Choir! Our choir is old, our voices are still gold!” before he skated back to his best friend and the rest of the hat wearing stone pillar people. The Avatar looked about ready to faint from surprise, his Princely eventually brother-in-law who’s also my cousin-in-law - _ note is that a title?  _ \- and Katara seemed genuinely happy. “Your Earthliness, what is this?” the Avatar uttered, shocked. Not as shocked as that one time in Caldera, though.  _ I have no idea. I’m not the Grand Secretariat _ . Before we could get into the nitty-gritty, and _no that wasn’t a euphemism_ Imperial Archivist  _ Lee _ , the steadfast pillars began.

The lead agent pulled the classic “I’m a poet in love” pose. 

_ Aiiiii wonder why I love you like I do _ . 

The backline kept a steady beat. 

_ Dun dun dun dun dun dun _ .

_ Is it because I think you love me too?/ dun dun dun dun dun dun _

The second pair of agents threw in the occasional  _ dah dah dah dah _ . I prayed to Kyoshi, or maybe Agni, that someone would toss me a whiskey. They didn’t. So here’s -I assume the title- “I Wonder Why I Love You Like I Do”:

First and second lines: 

_ Don't know why I love you _

_ Don't know why I care _

_ I just want your love to share _

Chorus:

_ Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun _ with a few  _ wop _ s and some  _ dah dah dah dah _ s.

The lead pair sang the next stanza: 

_ I wonder why/I love you like I do _

_ Is it because I think you love me too _

_ I wonder why/I love you like I do _

_ Like I do…………  _

Chorus.

The lead and second pairs sang the next stanza:  _ I told my friends/That we would never part _

_ They often said/That you would break my heart _

_ I wonder why they think that we will part _

_ We will part………  _

Chorus.

“Enough!” If I put up with any more of this, I might take to rule five hundred and forty three of the Dai Li: Executing subordinates is okay if they break your ears with their singing.  _ Grandma Kyoshi, what kind of rulebook is this _ ? The first pair had high-pitched voices, the second were average, and the backline could make Long Feng quake with their deep, pulsating...voices. _That was, in fact, not a euphemism. You, Lee, have just never heard the Imperial Dai Li Choir sing_. 

As a note, I'll gladly endure weeks of frontal-assault-against-dug-in-positions sieges where we're forced to _race_ towards the Royal Palace in a competition of which rich powerful man's going to stick his flag in some socket, _no, not deliberately a euphemism_ , but singing Dai Li troupes? That’s hard.

Did the Avatar faint? Did Sokka murder someone for stealing one of his many terrible hobbies? Did Katara faint from giddiness? No, not yet, and possibly. Aang and Katara  _ clapped _ and Sokka was taken aback.  _ You and me both, Prince Sokka _ . “That was...you all have...wonderful voices” the master waterbender commented, embarrassed at her own decorum.  _ Oh good, now you’re going to fall for one of them, aren’t you?  _ Well she didn’t, but out of the corner of my eye, I spotted my personal bodyguards  _ also  _ attending this musical performance. “Suki! Get a hold of your men!...I mean women!” I barked orders at an invisible aide, because in fact, she was already over there. Was she taking control of her girls? Does the Imperial Army ever win a battle without high casualties? In both cases, _nope_. But I'm more disappointed in the former than the latter. The former is...preventable. The latter is reality. She even yelled “Go Dai Li!” and a bunch of makeup wearing girls joined the applause. Being Kyoshi Islanders, they tossed one of their own at the stone-solid lines who had yet to turn around and reform.  _ Because nobody ordered them to reform, all I did was tell them to stop _ . _Thanks for being competent, but in doing so you sacrificed your individuality._

The Empress was not one to miss all this. Okay, she _missed_ all of it since she couldn't exactly _see_ what was happening, but she also _saw_ what was happening. She rolled, _note, she can do somersaults_ , side-over-side over to the lines to whom I had just gotten around to going “get back to the carriage!” She headbutted herself a pillar which pressed her into an upright position and then pointed at the lot of them, going “You all have such _sweet_ voices!” She made sure to cheer at them _in the face_. Maybe even spread her saliva everywhere with her scream-y cheering. Of course, nothing entertaining including Toph can last forever without her favorite forced inclusion. She yelled, while still facing one of these men, “Now, if only I had a Consort who could sing!” _Is this going where I think it’s going?_ “I can’t sing, Your Majesty. We have administrative-” but I was interrupted by a rock glove waving at me. “What’s your excuse, Kyoshi? You learned to wield a blade, can’t you learn to sing?” _No._ The Empress stomped over to my alone position, out in the middle of a grass field. I must say, that stomping was imposing. And I also have a Kyoshi Island based tendency to not buckle under imposing-ness. Formally, I addressed her with a “Not really, we have matters of worldwide diplomacy to-” She interrupted me with her palm, then she used her Imperial powers to go all Imperial on my Imperial-ness. “By the power vested in me, I order you to sing!” Stupidly, this legally permissible move surprised me. “Your Majesty, was that an Imperial Edict?” and I kowtowed because that’s the correct thing to do. “My word is law, is it not?” she inquired, now head-to-head with me. _Note, it's hard to have communications when one of us is half the other one's height. Thus, kowtowing. Okay I might be dramatic, she's not half my height but she gets up to my chest_. “It is, Your Majesty” I said, quite disgruntled but also quite formal. “Then I order you to learn to sing!” and I got up at her behest. My lack of nuance or subtlety were great assists for my stupidly high amount of reflexive honesty. “I warn you, I can’t sing for the life of me”She leaned her head back and laughed. “You mean to tell me you can conquer a city but can’t sing?” I tried to knock her laughter down to less ear-blasting levels. “I also can’t see distance, is it _that_ unbelievable?” But she knew my plan, since I wear my emotions on my...well I'd say sleeve but she tugs on my hair when I sleep. So...I wear my thoughts on my hair. Head hair. Not to be confused with not-head hair. She gave the longest reply she deemed necessary. “Yes. It _is_.” _I’m not going to get anywhere with this, am I?._ In case the Imperial chewing out wasn’t embarrassing enough, the Avatar and his companions got to watch our polite discussion. If this was a Pu-On Tim play, such a polite conversation would end with one or more of our clothes vanishing into thin air and...oogies. Because apparently two people can't have a simple conversation about learning a new hobby without flowers being plucked. _I need a whiskey_.   


I walked off to the carriages because  _ it’s time for tea, or maybe for me, whiskey, is it not?  _ On my long march and short run, I passed by my bodyguards definitely not guarding my body and certainly striking up conversation with the Dai Li. I didn’t  _ need  _ to be guarded, we’re in the middle of nowhere and there’s more master earthbenders here than the rest of the South combined and more competent people than everywhere outside of Kyoshi Island and Ba Sing Se, combined. “Captain!” I shouted for Suki because I wanted her. “Which one?” Wuhan called back to me from his  _ every-move-she-makes-I-make  _ mobile guard position, also known as following Toph around no matter what. As I spotted her fan headdress and walked over, “the one currently pushing her friend into talking to a member of the Dai Li” and Wuhan stood down. He was busy chasing Toph about as she smashed her head into the ground, vanishing into the earth before reappearing elsewhere in the field. I pity him for that. If I was an earthbender, or had two eyes, I'd probably be forced to follow her through every random spontaneous tunnel of hers, too.  


I got up behind the Captain and quietly went “Captain…” and let it trail off. It's an introduction in it of itself. The Dai Li man who her friend was chatting with noticed me and my eyepatch and bowed. Suki turned her head, spotted me, then was all like ' _ oh I have a job, right, right, of course _ .' “Good morning to you, too” she greeted me. “May I ask what your friend is doing? We’re in the middle of a hostile warzone” I inquired. And yes, I knew we were safe, but one can never be  _ too  _ safe. Only inside Ba Sing Se or back home do I ever feel completely secure. And Ba Sing Se's full of assassins. So what does that make this random hole? Assassins x assassins, Assassin Consummation Edition?. _Wait no, idiot, you haven't had a drink yet. That's why you're acting strange_. Suki innocently explained “She’s flirting, Your Majesty”  _ Oh. _ One quick examination of the flustered woman in makeup confirmed what my cousin just said. Because I was feeling mighty interested, _no not in this woman,_ but in destroying the embers of love when said love interrupts my Empress's safety and also my dinner schedule, “May I ask... _ why _ ?” and I took a step over to look at someone who’s name I had forgotten but resembles someone who  _ might  _ have tackled me into a lake at one point. _Wait, were you the shirtless one? If so, I hope this strange Dai Li man's into strange shirtless-based tackling activities._ The Kyoshi Warrior blushed, “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I think he has a lovely soft voice. I didn’t know flirting was forbidden.” and she bowed.  _ Wait wait, no.  _ Before she could sulk off to a life of loneliness, “Wait! Flirting isn’t forbidden. Do whatever you want, just do it when off-duty.” and Suki smiled. _Oh no, she's smiling. She's about to airship-slice someone. With a katana._ “Thanks,” my esteemed fangirl, _my cousin, you strange Archivist Lee,_ opted to thank me with a shoulder uppercut.  _ ow, what was that for. Oh wait, it’s payback _ . “Aren’t we off-duty, Your Majesty?” the Kyoshi Warrior asked, now all giddy. “You see that woman currently tossing a stone column into a forest?” and I pointed at said woman as she one-handed lobbed a stone pillar into a bunch of trees. She was trying to sense how far she could _toss_ a stone _pillar_ the size of one of the ones in the Imperial Palace. “I do” the Warrior replied. “Then the answer’s no.” and I put my hand on my _jian_ hilt to show that I was _serious_ about protecting my Empress. Which is why I was standing over here, far out of artillery -I'm sorry, 'accidental kill'- range. With that said, she seemed capable of handling herself, _wow, who would've thought the Empress could handle herself? It's almost like you and her ran across the then-Kingdom and she had less trouble than you and your stupid morals did._ _Dead people can't call it stealing._ I _looked_ at her, focusing my useful eye on her and her giddy expression, and concluded “How...ever, we’ve also got more people guarding than I can count, so you’re dismissed to take your Dai Li friend and go do ‘friend’ things with him. If I don’t hear about it, it didn’t happen” and I  _ might  _ have tossed the Kyoshi Warrior into the static Dai Li man. She blushed, he was a stone wall, she crashed into him.  


And that's probably how babies are born. _No, you moron, they're born from the product of two shirtless people_ \- nope, nope. The Avatar's here. He can't hear about such oogie-based things. And _what was that about a whiskey? Are we not going to get a whiskey? If not, then someone's going to be angry. And it's going to be you._ _Wait, wait, we want him to repopulate the Air Nomads so we can get some trade deals. He better know his oogies from his oogies or...no wait no we had this discussion already. You got blinded in one eye from it. Wait, no, pure coincidence that you were water-whipped one day and lost the little bastard the next._ _Wait there's no such thing as coincidence the spirits just hate you_. So that's how babies are born. The Spirits hate someone, the end. 

Suki grabbed my elbow and pulled me out of a wonderful self-monologue about childbearing - _you don't actually carry them, they're not sacks of grain_ \- to give me some flirting advice. “Your Majesty, if you openly tell someone to do things with someone else, they’ll be embarrassed.”  _ Why thank you, Sukes _ . “Why? I’m encouraging the two to do whatever they want. Wouldn’t that drive more passionate passion?” and she shook her head. “It’s actually the other way around. Except not for some people. Like me” and she grinned. _Of, course you're special. You're Suki, blood of Kyoshi, Clear Whiskey drinking, katana-wielding, Suki._ “Right, right, because you can tackle-attack your dear Prince whenever you want” and I did this hand motion with my feet where one foot kicked the other foot, trying to simulate a tackle-attack. I would've used my hands but they were busy posing heroically for the really confused Avatar and his in-love-with-their-voices girlfriend and her in-love-with-Suki brother. _Poor Lord Egg, the Repopulator. Can't get any loving._ “That’s right!” she yelled, re-railing my mind. Also, she was grinning. _Stop_ _ grinning _ . I had to counter her with something. “Forgive  _ me  _ because I’m the Consort for the one person this side of a Water Tribe who thinks subtlety is for the Fire Nation” and sure enough, she forgave me. "You're forgiven." I don’t know if she has the authority to, but as my newly named Advisor on Loving Affairs, no that’s not a title, yes I just made it up, yes I can make up titles...I supposed I need to seek her counsel on anything related to  _ guess what _ , loving affairs. Now, as this isn't the world of Pu-On Tim, said loving affairs will take about as long if not equal to the amount of time it takes to unify the Empire.   


The Kyoshi Warrior and the Dai Li broke Suki’s first principle of affection, or I guess it’s her first principle, because they  _ did  _ hit it off. At least until his commander showed up and grabbed him by the braid. His manly braid. _Just like your manly, manly queue that a teenage girl pulls on like a cord, right? When your hair is almost as long as the person you're betrothed to, are you really one to talk about manly hairstyles?_ The commander-man didn't care for manly hairstyles, he just tugged on his hair to pull him out of his possibly start to something that one day might become hand holding. “What are you doing out of line, agent?” and he -the defensively in love agent- pointed at me and in a stone cold voice, went “he...His Majesty approved of it”. So the man who must’ve been his commander _slid_ over to me. “Your Majesty, is this true?” he asked while bowing. I winked a few times because this whole situation seemed mighty nonsensical. Or perhaps, not nonsensical enough. _Whiskey._ “Why wouldn’t it be? There’s nothing wrong with dating while on-duty” and I turned and tried to track down the Avatar because  _ it’s tea and whiskey time with Team Avatar _ . “But...but...Your Majesty just said the opposite” the too-honest-for-this-line-of-work agent called out. So I halted, heel-turned like a pro, and formally went “New Imperial Edict. I’ve got tea to get to!” and I ran off like a child off to find his kind-of friends who he only affiliates with because they're cool and he's insecure about not being as cool. I managed to accidentally track down Suki instead, yelled “Suki, keep your hands to the pants of Sokka! With me!”  _ I don’t think I meant to say it like that _ , and the Kyoshi Warriors who weren’t having  _ interesting  _ conversations about art and singing with Dai Li agents ran after me. 

The glorious men of the Imperial Guard took perfectly placed steps -because they train for train-related events, some of those requiring more trainings of their own, such as Train Defensive Training and Train Offensive Training- to the side to part for me and my... _ how many women are actually following me?  _ Kyoshi Warriors. I visually confirmed that the Avatar had vanished when I needed to apprehend him the most,  _ note, keep an eye, my eye, on the Avatar _ , and concluded he was probably airballing around inside Her Majesty’s Imperial Party Train. Dramatically stomping in, he and his friends were within the vicinity of _a_ sofa. Aang was trying his best to copy the Dai Li and their many voices, to which Katara was applauding him from the comfort of the sofa, and Sokka was skeptically investigating a closet for some reason. _You...what are you doing in that closet?_ I let my entire band file in before saying, since I only noticed this when I decided to _turn around_ and look at them, “Wait, why are there only three women with us?” to Suki. She gave me this “You didn’t command all the girls to come with you, so they’re back outside flirting” airbender-style reply. But credit to her, the airbenders went extinct because they didn't know how to flirt. So maybe flirting _is_ important. _Wait no they aren't extinct, Lord Egg's right here_. Back to reality, _o_ _f course they are flirting. _ I pulled a Zuko and pinched the bridge of my nose to avoid combusting. _Don't combust into flames. Don't let your inner fire take over. Something something Uncle_.  _ Let the anger stop. Let it out, but try not to decapitate anyone. Unless you don't like them _ . I ended up yelling that anger out. “How...Captain! How. Tell me how.”  _ Okay, some of the anger is out _ . In retrospect, she's the only person who isn't Toph who, when relaxed, can and _will_ tell me off when I'm being a bit too sober for my wits. “Don’t ask me, ask them." and she pointed at the doorway as if the lot of them were congretating like moth wasps to a candle. Or...well the Dai Li aren't a candle, they're like the edgy sweethearted-on-the-inside counter. The Mai of candles. In her words, "They’re independent people.”  _ Yes, yes, we’re all so independent. That’s why you’re my subordinate and they are yours and I'm Toph's subordinate and Toph's her own boss. We're all so independant. What are you, an egg?  _ It was time to pinch the bridge of my nose again. Considering Katara's musing of happiness at my ability to pinch my own nose without screaming, my nose must be healed. Once done with that nonsense, “The three of you that got your makeup lips off the Dai Li for enough time to follow me, grab the Avatar and his girlfriend some tea.” and I walked out. I’m sure behind me, the Avatar and his girlfriend appreciate the compliment and blushed. Maybe they even did some oogie things and called eachother oogie names. I wouldn't know, I'm not some all-seeing spirit, _ahem, spirits?_. “What about me?” asked the closet-diving Sokka who sounded muffled by...cloth? Was he sleeping under a carpet? I wasn't that interested in finding out then. So I explained to him as best as I could, “You’re an adult. Make your own”. A carpet groaned, but alas, that's the carpet's problem.  


I needed a cough to prepare for a loud shout.  _ Cough _ . Then a loud shout. “Girls! Stop. Flirting! Get. Your. Makeup. Lips. Off. Her Imperial Majesty's Imperial Secret Police and also Choir! Now!” and my bodyguards got the message and marched away from their innocent, completely not-oogie conversations, to me. “All of you, inside, now!” and the Warriors of Kyoshi ran inside just as a disorganized flock of female birds flies into a wall. Some of them make it on the first try, some of them don't. Some are busy checking their mates out. _Hey, I grew up under the migratory duck-geese patterns. Part of hunting them is knowing when they're most vunurable. Turns out, two birds mating is a great time for a good old thwicking_. _Applies to people aswell. See, Dai Li rule...oh forget it_. As for the Dai Li and the green-and-golden lines of the Imperial Guard? That’s - _wait, 'that's'? They're people_ -, correction, _they're_ not my authority. For as long as Toph wants to go headbutting things like pillars, boulders, her men, they’ll be out there, standing vigilant and happily playing 'catch the boulder' with her and Lord Qiangyang. Or...the Imperial Guard will be happy to do it. The Dai Li just stare and play 'catch the boulder' with all the elegance of the Royal Fire Academy's music club is musically inclined. And according to my once-inside sources, their music club never took off. Their instrumental military march club did. Back to the present reality circumstances that I have to try and control like a drunk man controlling his fists, Toph gets the master earthbenders, I get the master nonbenders. She gets the militarized half of Kyoshi’s ethics, I got the civil half. There’s something romantic and poetic and probably artistic to say about two halves coming together but nonbenders will forever be inferior to benders so whoever wishes to make that statement is...wrong. There’s no “other half”. Just as fire and water can’t mix,  _ no, you poets of the Upper Ring, they can’t _ , benders and...wait where was I? It’s time for tea. Fire and water cannot mix. I don't care what Pu-On Tim says about the for-now Fire Lord and the for-now Princess of the South. For now. 

Now, it's time for tea. And to investigate why Prince Sokka is in a clothing closet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the rest of Chapter 79. The Bikinis, The Flowers, Some Tea.
> 
> Half Encyclopedic Notes for Halfway Flirtatious Folks:  
> -A uncommon joke for Kyoshi Islanders, by Kyoshi Islanders, is that things are not suitable for those under the age of one-hundred-and-eighteen. Now, if only all the elderly weren't leading charges against daofei, going swimming in ice water in the middle of winter, getting really drunk and trying to duel a waterbender on an iceberg, etc., they might live to create such jokes. Alas.   
> -As in RoK, there's many dialects of, let's call it, 'Common' (I have no other name and there's no Angles, Saxons, Normans or Latins in the world of Avatar), in the Earth Kingdom (now Empire). Northerners sound far-removed from Southerners, but someone like Mori who spent part of, not counting campaigns, a year in the largest city in the world, he picked up on their dialects.  
> -"If it exists, there is a title for it.", or, the Imperial Court's first priority, inventing more pomp.  
> -The Dai Li's choice of song? ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZBSGaWrEn4 ). Dion will be a recurring choice of mine. Something about late 50s early 60s Barbershop Quartets and teenage-voiced singers meshes so well with a secret police organization. Feel free to sing along, then get unfortunately cut off by a teenage auburn-haired Emperor. Substitutes include: little siblings, responsibilities, and military service.  
> -There's thousands of rules in the Dai Li, rules for every contingency imaginable from sudden spirit invasion down to exploding circus terrorists. Or, in the Dai Li rulebook, Operation "Honk Honk, Kaboom".  
> -'Right right, of course' is a common motto of Kyoshi Islanders  
> -If his bodyguards started flirting, they wouldn't be around to, well, be around, for the upcoming dinner of his. And sure he'd take it in Toph's room anyways, but it's all part of a organized schedule designed to maintain the largest number of active guards possible at any one time.   
> -A majority of the Dai Li agents accompanying this group are late teens-early twenties, thus why they are part of the Imperial Dai Li Choir. The older agents just happened to have lived long enough to boss around people younger than them.   
> -Lord Egg is a unofficial title for the Avatar. As of now, at least. Oogies, on the other hand, is the Imperial Mandated word for romantic relations between two people. Mori dares you to say 'romance'.   
> -Defensive and Offensive Trainings are not when the Imperial Guard go out and insult people. It's the parasol for all military maneuvers, tactics, strategies, and scenarios related to traveling by monorail. Like the Avatar, this will return to prominence in the future. (I'm serious).  
> -


	14. (79-2) The Flower Robe Chapter. Or: Smells Like Orange-Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mori wanders around looking for a robe and his only option is smelling like a nobleman. Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of the 16 pages (before edits) that made up Chapter 79. 79's part of a anthology series, Terrible Train Talks, that help showcase the distance between important locations. Because unlike some shows with millions of dollars in budget for their final season, I believe that we need time for the journey. Likewise, Ba Sing Se's not going to suddenly be in the middle of a desert. And Toph's not going to forget about New Taku.
> 
> The two, together were originally 8.7k words. Now they're 15.2k words. Sleep deprivation just loves producing this kind of nonsense. Sleep deprivation from months ago (when I wrote this) and different-but-similar deprivation from now (when I publish this, because just like Mori, I will not rest until I have finished what must be done.
> 
> Enjoy! If this feels disjointed-(Page break)

**79-2:**

Seeing Sokka looking around a closet like Prince Zuko looking for his honor or me looking for a second working eye was pitiful. Standing tall over him and his bent-over self, “Prince, you might want to get up for tea.” I said, talking to his back. _How courtly of you, igloo-dweller._ He turned so hard he slipped on a carpet, _so it was a carpet after all_ , and went back-first into a pile of clothes. Then he helped himself up, dusted himself free of the sand and went “Sorry, Your Earthliness, I was looking for something?” _It’s joke time_. “Is it your honor?” He looked at me and gave a confused “No…?” Like Toph's sense of humor and the middle of the night just when I was about to go to sleep, opportunity struck for more jokes. “You said that as a question, that confirms you and ex-Prince turned Fire Lord Zuko have much in common." Sokka continued his glare of ' _are you sure you're not oversimplifying a personality into one or two traits'_ , “He has more of a character than that, you know…” and he walked over to rest on the doorway. _No, by all means, don't stand still and look me in the eye._ I had a reply to that. “My word is sometimes Imperial Law. I declare his personality to be as wooden as a thatch roof.” But to this, Sokka challenged me. “Thatch isn’t wood.” _How dare you challenge Imperial Authority? I was granted a manufactured made-up title by someone who invented her own titular title! I am superior to you, peasant! And more importantly,_ “How do you even know what thatch is? Aren’t you from the South Pole?” Sokka nodded, yes, and he also chuckled. “Suki taught me” Before he had time to tell me more of what Suki taught him, since I presume that all people in love can't shut their traps about things they've learned, “Speaking of my cousin, are you looking for something related to her?” He rested on that post all koala-sheepishly before quietly going “yes”. _Right right, of course you are. Knew it._ “Spill it. I won’t tell your sister.” His olive-complexion turned as pale as mine. “You...wouldn’t dare.” _Oh?_ “I can and I will” _Dai Li rule number...ten? Fifteen? When you have consolidated power and you can get away with abusing it, why not abuse it?_ What are the people going to do, stand up to you? Okay, maybe it doesn’t go like that, it goes more like ‘Use consolidated power to centralize’. Same meaning. He fell to his knees and begged me. “I carved her a trinket but lost it under one of these storage cabinets”. There was something so...in common with his plight. I could completely see myself in the same situation, except instead of some trinket it's a meteorite bracelet or a piece of seal jerky or something that Toph and therefore the Empire consider valuable. Like a...Pu-On Tim play. _No. Not that. No. No_. I softly, not that softly, he's my cousin-in-law-potentially, “Maybe next time don’t have a-” and I shouted the next part, “-kissing time-” and went back to normal voice “-with Suki in a room meant for storing people’s clothes.” and I went to run my hand through the clothes. Katara was busy clapping to Aang’s soft-spoken rendition of the song from earlier so she didn’t hear my obnoxiously attractive shouting. Looking through these clothes, “wait…” and I pulled one out. _This is a small bathing suit. A young woman's bathing suit._ I know that bathing suit size, it's exactly one Toph in size, “Normally I don’t care if you were spending time with your beloved...but these are Her Majesty’s bikinis.” and he was all _'oh no I’m about to die aren’t I.'_ “I didn’t know she wore these” he said, justifiably shocked. I tried and failed to roll my eye. “She doesn’t.” But Sokka, being a Water Tribesman and therefore knowing when to adapt and pursue opportunities, inquired “What do you have against us...here?” I put the bikini back on it's rack, note, _Toph would kill whoever designed these. They're so...Ty Lee-ish_. Back to common sense and people invading my Empress's private never-going-to-be-used bikini room, “I don’t know where you’re from, well I do, but it’s generally not polite to make out with someone in someone else’s clothing storage facility. Especially when the storage facility happens to belong to the highest ranked individual in the Earth Kingdom, now Empire, and the highest in the world since we're the best.” Sokka hit back with “We don’t even have storage facilities for clothes in the South Pole” That wasn't my point, but I went with “That’s my point” anyways. Sokka caught on, since he has two eyes and is doubly perceptive. “I thought your point was that it was impolite." He was as confused as he was befuddled. “Listen, I had a point but someone is singing really loudly. You’re forgiven for whatever I accused you of, now I have to put this bikini somewhere” and I put it back on the rack. 

  
I walked back outside just at the perfect moment to see Aang give a half-hearted bow and Katara being enamored with either the bow or the preceding singing. She was blushing, that's the simple way of putting it. Or both. I don't know. I'm not that omniscient. I politely remarked that “That’s very oogie.” It was quite funny to witness this earlier, what with the Avatar being the Avatar but also being a teenager with a crush and all that...but now I need to change into dinner clothes.

  
I walked off to Her Majesty’s bedroom before someone could throw a snowball at someone else before going on a tangent about pants or oogies or the connective tissue between pants, oogies and world piece...I don’t know, don’t care. A pair of attendants were waiting inside the bedroom, to which they kowtowed when I walked in. _As attendants would usually do. Because they're attendants._ “We are happy to see Your Majesty up and about” one of them spoke. _Right_. And...“What are you two doing here?” The other one replied “Waiting on Your Majesties” and because my head was finally clear of singing Dai Li, Sokkcasms - _Sokkacasms?_ \- and Kyoshi Warrior dating, I understood them to mean “waiting” in the court sense. “Do I have clothes for dinner?” I asked while walking over to the made bed and unmaking it. They took the other nine blankets or half-blankets _-what defines a blanket? Does anyone know? No, we don't -_ off and it was my job to put them back on. It wasn't actually my job but I felt like doing it since now I could use my hands and walk around and regaining such sensitivity is not something you quickly forget. Even simple motions around the bed are fun. But these two women were standing here...waiting. So I asked "Why are you waiting? What for?" and the first woman replied in that formal voice that all attendants have and it comes off as creepily stalkish instead of...whatever it was supposed to be. "It's breakfast, not dinnertime, Your Majesty," while the other wandered around with focused intent to find clothes. I may only see half the things I used to, but I saw enough to go “Aren’t they normally the same clothes?” The second woman, clearly disappointed that I was perceptive - _ha_ \- enough to see - _ha_ \- what she was holding, stuttered. “I...guess, Your Majesty”. With that out of the way, I could move on to “Fetch me something. This Robe’s stained with more of my blood than I have in my body and as I’m not from the Fire Nation, that’s not appropriate”. _Even if I was, I think nobles wear better than that. Correction, I know nobles wear better than that. The Water Tribes find this appropriate._ “How was the healing?” asked one while the other browsed this cavernous entity known as a walk-in clothing cabinet. “Let’s just say Master Katara’s concept of surgery is...not fun. I’m healed so I can’t fault her, but...she didn’t give me any whiskey!” _Oh, and she also snapped my nose to heal my nose. And she smells like seal jerky. And I'm somewhat jealous and I don't know why. Seal jerky's delicious._ “Did she not provide Your Majesty with any form of...relaxation?” the first one said with concern. If nothing else the men and women of our massive household have an honest kind of worry for us. And not because they’d die if we died, _no no that's not the reason, not at all_ , but because Toph’s an inspiring figure and I...tag along. I guess I'm also fun. I do share entertaining stories from time to time. “She gave me something that tasted like nothing and I tore through it with my teeth.” “What would Your Majesty prefer to have had?” the second one asked while I sat down on the bed. “Something relaxing” I said, pouring myself an imaginary drink of whiskey. “Is Your Majesty referring to relaxing as a form of intimacy or something akin to whiskey?” The first one softly asked, almost implying that _she_ could provide that relaxation. _Do you two just keep switching between who asks? Is this another 'pair' thing? What's with our staff and pairs? Oh, and of course, why would I be referring to intimacy? Who do you take me for, someone from the Water Tribes?_ _And what exactly about 'teenage Emperor with big jian' strikes you as someone who needs intimacy? I don't need intimacy! I am but a mere Imperial Pillow._ “I don’t know about you two, but when Her Imperial Majesty pulled a crossbow bolt out of my leg, I knew it’d be painful, but I was never worried about losing the leg. Yes it’d hurt. But it’s safe. Because...it's Her Imperial Majesty.” 

The other woman finally exited that small cave, holding a green robe with white flower motifs in a pattern across the outfit. It was patterned. Lots of little white flowers on vines running up and down this not-a-dress, _no no this is a very manly piece of garb_. “A gift from the Magistrate of Nanzhaizhi, quote ‘In honor of Her Imperial Majesty’s birthplace, a Imperial Robe for His Imperial Majesty in Gaoling Style’” and the second one handed the robe to me. I’m not a fan of walking around dressed like a field of flowers, but I have to admit the Gaoling Style has an air of romance to it. _Did...I just say 'air of romance?'. Something's messing up my mind and I think it's_ _whiskey-deprivation._ I imagine Lady Katara would love a court dress from Gaoling. A shame that most of my memories of said lands will always be far from romantic. I don't know about anyone else but _'hey so you're going to be a prisoner in a golden cage until you produce a powerful earthbending heir and even then may never leave'_ isn't the most romantic of situations. And neither is being told _'hey so I'm ordering you to go sleep with that girl you've spent a finger of time with. But, but, if you need a warm-up, I have an army of handmaidens who are happy to comply with such oogie-atrocities. Oogieoscities'_. Then again I'm not from the Water Tribes so maybe they're into that over there. I got my robes on and set off to...what was I doing again? _About to lead a campaign against some ethnic group? No, haven't found one yet. About to execute Mayor Morishita? No wait, this isn’t chapter...thirty two? Thirty three? Thirty two? Right before Sozin's Comet._

I encountered Team Avatar sitting at one of the many tables, enjoying tea. I feel quite happy for them and all that, but “I’m tired of saying good morning, but formality dictates I say good morning. Good morning, Your Holiness!” and I bowed. I don’t have to bow but it’s also a nice thing to do. The Avatar’s past incarnates likely have more Sozin Awards for mass genocide than even Sozin, not that the world would know, but that doesn't matter, right? Because the current Avatar's peaceful. And nobody's ever used the power of bending to centralize authority? Imagine what an Avatar could do. I imagine the first Avatar had a mixture of surprise and “so, I get to be a tyrant, right?” The next couple Avatars probably realized over the course of two hundred years, “if we don’t keep the world in balance, someone will show up and kill our parents” except they didn’t say it like that and last time I checked the Avatar can’t have group conferences with himself. I don't know why my mind was falling down this tangent, it might be because I smell like a flower, but it hit me that...wait...he’s right here… 

“Avatar” and the grey-eyed young egg looked up from his teacup. “Yes, Your Earthliness?” I needed an answer to a random question. So I pulled a chair out, sat down, and got to work asking. “Can you have a council meeting with your past lives?” He raised his eyebrows, confused, and replied “I’ve never tried.” “Why not? Wouldn’t your past lives have comments on their actions?” I pondered, because if _I_ could speak to my dead ancestors, they’d have lots to say. I don't know that for certainty but 'up-jumped peasant turned Consort' sounds like something that'd earn at least one or two 'what?'s. Especially Kyoshi. I’d especially like to know how I’d be judged. Am I following her wishes? Am I deviating too far? Am I a year away from falling off a cliff? “I believe my past lives seek to give guidance towards the current Avatar. What’s the point of judging each other?” he said, pretty...responsibly. But we don't like responsibility here, which is why I wanted to know about learning more. “Because if each one has a life story, wouldn’t it be easier if they all got together?” “That’s what I do. When I need advice, I go back in time until Roku or Kyoshi or Kuruk imparts their wisdom”. _Wait...Kuruk? Why are you taking advice from Kuruk?_ Then it hit me. _It hit me like Dong’s big blade and my ribs._ “You can speak to Kyoshi?” Oh...Kyoshi. _Great-great-great-great-great-great maybe another great grandma._ He didn't take the question as passionately. “If I had some privacy, sure”. I knew exactly what to ask next. Something I've always dreamed of. “Can you ask her some questions for me?” “I’m sorry, but you’re not the Avatar.” he replied, dismissively but also trying to empathetic. This just shows that most dreams tend to never come true. In a retrospective light, as selfish as he sounds, I sensed a strong amount of maturity and...him acting like...an adult. _He’s...he’s growing up. Oh no._ His wisdom to me earned a “well said” from Katara and Sokka also nodding. Also. Sokka's always added in at the end. Because like me, he's a nonbender. And we don't come first.

  


I waved over some attendants. “Team Avatar, may I interest you in breakfast?” The attendants wandered over while Sokka leaned in to rest on his hands and look at me. Katara's hands were busy resting on her lap and the Avatar was busy waterbending his tea into his mouth. “Hold on, aren’t you part of Team Avatar?” Sokka said, inquisitorial as usual...which is to be expected from Sokka. “Am I?” I asked him, because I have no idea. I voiced what I believed to be the criteria for being part of Team Avatar in longwinded words that an airbender would understand. “Isn’t it impossible to be part of ‘Team Avatar’ while also having an interaction with the three of you, once a month, tops?” Sokka brushed that aside, just like Toph and rules. “Nah. Suki’s part of Team Avatar.” and said woman, who happened to be standing by the doorway, turned to face us and waved. _Greetings to you too!_ “Captain Suki” I corrected him. “Captain Suki” he elaborated. “Her Highness-" I tried doubly correcting him, but before he could turn red with...I don't know? Frustration? _There's no appeasing this guy_ , at my good fun, I went "Fine, I'll stop." and the attendants brought out an assortment of dishes. They don't need me to point at the foods, they have eyes. But I was to be as vaguely descriptive as I could. Because I was hungry. And...tired? _Maybe?_ “We’ve got...jerky. Oh, and crackers. And rice. That’s a bowl of noodles.” “Your Earthliness, a question?” the Avatar politely pointed, pointing at me. “Go right ahead" I allowed him to advance. So he advanced. “You’re from Kyoshi Island. Kyoshi lived a humble life. How could you have a large household and yet claim to be following the will of Kyoshi?” _That’s...I didn’t expect that question. Do you...have to do these things with your mouth when you...annoy a world leader?_ _Or is this just something Toph and I have to face_? I couldn't exactly deny what he said. He was right. I'm not used to having a army of attendants waiting on me for my every whim and fancy. That said, I'll gladly defend this unfamiliar, _no that's the wrong word this is quite familiar to me,_ nontraditional, _no that's wrong, this is traditional_ , uncustomary, _there we go_ , practice. “Just to clear this up, this isn’t my household. This is Her Imperial Majesty’s. With that said-” and I looked around like a Prince looking for his honor, “aren’t most of you from Gaoling?” and the men and women who had joined us, get this, from Gaoling, nodded. “These people are free. They voluntarily joined.” “What kind of person would voluntarily join a household?” Sokka sliced in like a Water Tribe cutter ramming someone’s kayak. “Attendants!” I shouted. I didn't have to shout, but I was also losing an argument that didn't really have a standing to begin with and there's no such thing as losing in the Empire. We only advance forward away from our opponent. “Yes, Your Majesty?” one of the attendants stepped forward. I turned as best as I could to her and directed her to “Answer his question.” and this woman looked to him and gave a cordial bow. “Most of us have known Her Imperial Majesty our entire lives. She has more in common with us than any nobility. And even if she eats dinner in her room instead of out here, we have the same background.” A second woman came in to also vouch for our much-better side. Nobody claimed that but we all know it's true. “And the pay’s good." And the rest of the room laughed with “that’s right”s. Since it helps that they were paid quite well and still are paid quite well. And maybe, _maybe_ , loyalty has something to do with it.

  


Before our conversation where everyone acted like adults could keep going, Her Imperial Majesty ran through the doors. We -those of us who wanted to keep our heads and weren't above the law, _ahem, airbenders, ahem_ \- kowtowed and rose when she grabbed my hair and asked “Did you get them breakfast?” to which I tried moving my head but failed. “I did” I struggled to exhale while being tugged on. “Good, you’re with me.” and she walked down the aisle. “Oh, and once everyone’s on, tell the conductor to get going!” and the rest of the Imperial Guard filed into lines after her, filling up the room with people in gold-and-green armor. I don’t know where the Dai Li went, probably back into the walls where their homes are, but by the time I got up, someone was shouting “Hit the rail, Guo!” and a horn blasted. “Wait, wait! What about Appa?” The Avatar’s high voice called through the mass of people talking about the weather, earthball games, the usual conversation that usual people have. “Halt the train!” I had to command in a really loud commanding voice. The carriage had just begun moving so it wasn’t that hard to stop it. “Orders?” Wuhan asked. “Would the Avatar’s sky buffalo like a carriage?” a different Imperial Guard asked the Avatar. “He’s a sky bison, and he hates caves.” _You couldn’t get further from us if you sailed to the Sunset Sea, could you?_ I wasn't about to argue the Avatar's companion's living conditions, so instead I went “The Avatar knows his sky bison. Make him an open topped carriage”, Wuhan bowed his head and physically grabbed some guards and ran off. Meanwhile, I went to attend the possibly petulant Toph. 

I opened the door and entered. “Your Majesty summoned me?” and I bowed out of respect. My response? “Shut the door and take off your clothes-” “Wait what?” I asked really, really struck with awe. Or confusion. Context _is_ nice to have sometimes. Nonetheless, I followed the first portion of my instructions. First preceding first, the two attendants had to exit. After they did, I closed the door. “May I ask why?” that statement might as well become my motto. She jumped off her bed and walked up to my chest. “They” she took a sniff, “smell” another sniff “like” and one more sniff because there’s no such thing as too many, “flowers” and she poked me in the chest. I proceeded to take a portion of my robe and.. _.yes, they do_. “Why do they smell like flowers?” she asked, indeed, petulant. “Attendant from earlier?” I asked that question like that question was a title. “Yes, Your Majesty?” some voice I guessed was familiar spoke back. “What does this robe smell of?” “Orange blossoms and lavender, Your Majesty” _How do you know this so well_. _Wait no why wouldn't you this is part of your job_. “Why? How?” Toph asked her vaguely-argumentative thoughts. With all due honesty, “I don’t know, Your Majesty.” The train jolted forward, I’m not surprised, those master benders are that fast, the attendant and I being tossed to one side of the room. After I helped her up, “You’re dismissed, thank you” and she gave a small smile and backed out. Now that the door was closed again...

“What do you have against me smelling of flowers?” Because I love arguments, I asked the dumbest question this side of _'Will the Avatar consider taking a concubine?'_ which also happens to be a question I once asked. _That was a fun water-whip to the face._ “You’re not a girl.” the Empress declared, factually. So I stated, opinion-ey, “And you are a girl.” And this girl grabbed the robe under the right arm and tried tearing it off. “And I think it smells awful.” _But_... _but_... “I don’t know if I have anything else to wear, Your Majesty”. I wasn’t going to go against the Mandate-Wielder’s word, even if I didn’t see the issue with a flowery robe. I didn't see an issue. _Who cares?_ I could smell like whatever strange fragrance Ty Lee always invents. _Actually I’d rather not._ Toph didn't really care about my opinions. Those were just opinions anyways. She reached around, fumbling for my robe tie while I tried my best statue impersonation. I felt too...confused to disrobe and was partially curious to see her attempts at removing other's clothes at work. You never know when a skill like that can pay off. _No, Toph, you did not hear my inner thoughts and giggle from such a euphemism_. Off came the robe, the robe went flying, and she backed up and, pretending to be a fancy court girl, spoke, like a fancy court girl, "Your pants, Kyoshi? They smell like flowers." Yet another sentence I didn't expect to hear. I did as my Empress commanded, and within a moment, I was just there in my single piece of sleepwear. No, _this_ doesn't smell of flowers. “I’m certain you didn’t drag me all this way to tell me to take off my garments” I said, forgetting to whom I was speaking. I took a few steps forward and she said “I did” while grinning. Her feet were touching the ground so I knew exactly why she was grinning. _I'm not wearing pants. You won_. She tapped her chin, “But now that you’ve taken forever to take off a pair of pants” and she got onto her bed and fell backwards, enjoying the comforts of it, “I have other things to do.” I didn't know whether or not to kowtow at that statement, but I did know to say “Your Majesty’s wish is my-" but whatever intent I had was cut off by Toph and her booming voice of annoyance. “Oh cut the ‘Your Majesty’ nonsense. You’re not Twinkletoes”. She hopped off her bed to walk up to my chest and...well she didn't do some crazy facial expression like Sokka when he was amazed at a Emperor having a small force of assistants. She just...did that emotionless death-stare thing that tends to make people afraid for their lives. To her remark, I humbly went “As Your Majesty commands” and maybe I earned the ensuing shove. Maybe I didn’t. She's the Empress.

  


Good thing my stance was rooted. “Get under the blanket” she said, not being under the blanket. She also said it on that border between serious emotional backing and ' _I'm about to pull a fast one on you'_. I did not want it to be the former, I like wearing almost-pants, and as for the latter, I mentally sighed in preparation. “Forgive me, Your-” _Ow_ , _I didn’t earn that shove_. _Fine, you want informal..._ “-Toph, but I’m not tired.” She hopped back on the bed and pulled the... _hey I made those blankets_ over herself in a haphazard kind of way. “Lean in” she said in that same unknown tone. So I knelt and did as she commanded. “I know you’ve missed me for all of breakfast but-” she held up a hand. Then she whispered to my face. “Listen to me. Get under the blanket. It’s the only quiet place to talk.” _Oh_. _Wait what about our whispering right now? Or is this not dramatic enough? Do you just like it when I follow your wishes to the bitter end?_ I could breath a sigh of relief. Upon her 'hmph' at my exhalation of relaxation, I explained that “I thought for a moment you turned into Katara and I was worried you were being...impatient." But this suggestion of...I don't know, being not-Katara, earned a booming chuckle. “Ha! Like I’d sleep with anyone!” I mean...“Technically you sleep with-...” but I was interrupted by a hand popping out of the blanket. “Blanket.” the hand spoke to me while the attached bodyparts stayed hidden. _Fine_. That joke could’ve gone somewhere. _Why could we not make it go somewhere? Is this my fault? It's my fault._ I followed her wish and got under a half-dozen - _because a dozen's too many and five or six sounds like too few_ \- blankets. 

Hiding underneath a blanket brought back memories of plotting to escape Gaoling in a similar fashion, which itself felt like ten years ago. It wasn’t. I didn't know where she and her head were, but somewhere inside the darkness, I was told “So your stupid ‘Operation Moon Cycle’ failed.” _Is this what we’re here to talk about?_ I tried to plead with the darkness. “Wasn’t the Avatar distracted?” She scoffed. “No, the plan worked...kinda. Also I forgot what I was supposed to do and I went to practice metalbending with Wuhan instead.” I... _well it's a good thing the Avatar was distracted, Sokka was Sokka, and overall nobody seemed that insanely intentionally intent driven towards talking to us_. I approached this private moment where the two of us were in relatively close distance, concealed by more blankets than we need, a moment that could be used for sleep, to ask “Do we need to debrief the Operation?” Somewhere in the darkness, a fist smacked the mattress, sending vibrations around. “Kyoshi, is this a war meeting?” the darkness asked, bordering between _'can you please stop talking in war speak'_ and _'is this actually a war meeting?'._ “Maybe?” I said, not sure myself. Sure of herself, she asked “Since when have we had war meetings within Imperial Pillow distance. Or under a blanket? Or when you smell like flowers?” Referring to some rule from the Imperial Army Manual, the number short -it wasn't long forgotten, I do recall it being _part_ of the Manual- forgotten, “A war meeting can be anywhere, anytime.” She giggled in good humor. “Now I know why I dragged you to Ba Sing Se. You’re the last person in the world who hears ‘blankets’ or 'private audience with the Empress' and thinks ‘war meeting’ instead of anything else.” I received a shoulder punch, except it was an uppercut to the chest. _Thank you, Your Majesty!_ In her _'could-rival-Mai-for-boredom'_ voice, “You want a war meeting, go on, monologue away.” I did want a war meeting. I like war meetings.

  


“The original objective was -still is- to keep the Avatar away from speaking to you. I was going to distract Katara with the power of incompetent healing and invasive-but-not-inappropriate questions about why she smells so good, Suki was going to distract Sokka using the power of incompetent footwork and invasive and quite inappropriate questions directed towards why he's so...something, and you were going to whine until Aang found a new problem to go have an existential crisis over. Instead, I went outside and Katara performed surgery on me. My screaming like a little girl, as you would put it, made Lord Qiangyang come out, I’m guessing because he likes me, and attacked-” I took a small palm to my face _. That’s my ear, not my mouth. Go east. That’s my forehead, go south. That’s my cheek, go southwest. That’s my lip, okay close enough._ Having found the correct spot, she could interrupt properly with “-wait wait, why were you screaming?” Didn't you _hear_? “She did some waterbending and snapped my nose” I felt my chest pinched, _ow those hands are powerful,_ “What?!?” and that last comment was not muffled. That was a yell. “Why...I’ve got many words to say to Lady Fuzzy Britches” and she rolled out of bed, hit the ground, and made for the door. _No, no, no we don't need the Imperial Party Carriage destroyed. I like this bedroom. Smells like mud. Smells good. Wait, I can smell_... “Wait! My nose is fine!” and she stopped her stomping. “Is it?” and before she could say “get up” I got up. As she is a trained member of the Imperial Infirmary, obviously, she knows to grab my nose with all the force of someone trying to _pull_ the cork off a wine bottle. Good thing she doesn’t have eyes or she’d see me clenching my teeth trying to avoid yelping. I felt fine, she just pinched my nose with enough intensity to probably break it again. Not that she ever would. Her Imperial Majesty cares greatly for her one and only Consort. Or...that's what all the propaganda posters that suspiciously dot Pu-On Tim's favorite theaters say. _Or are they play posters? They're not propaganda, they're play posters._ Either-way, some strange man I don't know from a hole in the ground says that this teenager I'm betrothed to cares 'greatly' for her one and only Consort. Now...'greatly' is oogies. And she does not speak oogies.

  


“I’m glad you're okay” she slammed her fist into my shoulder which made me go _ow_. A small ow. She shoved me in the rough direction of the bed and commanded “Now, get under that blanket” and I brought my legs up, pulled the blanket up, and resumed the position I was in but moments ago. She joined me a few foot shuffles later. “Do you want to continue your boring debriefing?” she asked, trying to sound as bored as possible. “Am I addressing you as Your Majesty or as Toph?” Such a question only bored her more. “Whichever one ends your speech quicker.” _Okay_. “Your Majesty it is” and I pretended to go to sleep. I tried to get to sleep while she lay, I'm guessing, to my side, annoyed that my speech wasn't done yet. Or something like that. Maybe she was just, _hey, bored._ That would explain “Wake up, My Imperial Majesty commands it.” _'My?_ ' “Doesn’t roll off the tongue-” but I was cut off by the inner thought of _where are you pushing me?_ “I’ll roll you off this bed!” then she did. Her referring to herself in the first-person got me thinking. That and I banged my head into the floor. _Thud_. “Toph, maybe consider ‘We’ instead of ‘My’?” I asked, trying to get back up without slipping on my own idiocy. “Why?” she asked while enjoying spreading herself out on the bed. I tried to use words she'd understand. “'Cause it sounds cooler.” “Maybe I will. Kyoshi, get back under the blanket!” Okay so _maybe_ my reasoning wasn’t just because it sounded cooler, that’s part of it. It’s actually because the Earth Kings before the Hundred Year War used to believe that wielding the Mandate meant they’d refer to themselves in the third person. Why? They represent more than just one person. I’m sure once we get to Ba Sing Se we’ll have far too many court meetings on this exact subject. Speaking of Ba Sing Se…

“When will I get to leave this room?” I asked from, once more unto, the blanket. She ignored the question. And we both knew I wasn’t going to leave until either a natural disaster or _daofei_ show up. So...we have a natural disaster one hallway over and... _daofei_...well it wouldn't be the Empire without them. “Did your war plan plan for what happened?” she spoke, sarcastically frustrated at my idiotic sensibilities. _Hey, be as frustrated as you wish._ Other teenagers are supposed to be getting hammered and I'm busy getting 'hammered'. By a burly rotund man and his gigantic tree-length blade. “Why not” was all I could think of as a scrambled together defense. At this point there was supposed a tangent about Avatars and distractions but that train departed earlier, so instead I just mumbled incoherent sentences. “Go on, continue your blabbing” she beckoned me to continue from the comfort of the finest fluffy blankets. _I hope that’s not sarcasm_. I was curious of her circumstances from the oh-so-long ago time of earlier this very same morning. “Where was the Avatar? Why wasn’t he busy bothering you?” She shrugged. “All I had to do was tell Twinkletoes I was busy and he left me alone.” _Wait...wait. Wait. Wait. So this whole plan was pointless?_ I took this question to a conclusion, a bridge between gaps. “And from there I’m guessing the Avatar was summoned by Lord Qiangyang stomping?” and because mentioning her favorite friend is a distraction unto itself, in a much more lighthearted tone, “Ain’t he the best? He heard you and he broke out and showed up! I love Qiang more than I love my Empire!” _By all means, scream that._ “Toph, you invited me into your chamber and now you shout? What’s the point?” She pointed at the air. “Who needs a point?” _Fair point._ As Toph would say, I finished my blabbing and we got to Imperial matters. _Correction, everything’s an Imperial matter if we talk about it._

“You’re going to keep Twinkletoes away from New Taku.” she commanded. For all Toph's nonstop wellspring of what appears like immature nonsense, she’s far more clever than most would think. When the topic isn't getting derailed. By her. “And what will you do, Toph?” She slumped into her bed. And she's the type to prefer dirt to beds, though the last year has taught her that a really comfy bed can make up for the comfort. “Sit in here. I can only shoo Twinkletoes away for so long.” I don't know why she referred to him like he was a type of songbird, but Lord Egg is a man of many titles. “So you want me to...what, entertain the Avatar for the rest of my days?” If she said yes, I probably would've. “No, no. Just until we get home.” This sparked the ever-lingering philosophical debate on what 'home' was. Since most people never feel at 'home.' I certainly feel at 'home' in Ba Sing Se. And Kyoshi Island. As ever, I tried to get this ever-annoying question answered. “Home like Ba Sing Se or home like the rural countryside where you can lie down and enjoy kissing the dirt-” but I was cut off by a palm to the... _that's the cheek. You bopped me in the cheek. Go east. That's my nose. Okay now you're running your fingers down my nose. A little more. A little more. There we go._ _Mouth_. “The Palace, Kyoshi.” If it weren't for the face that palm-to-the-face is quite fun, I would've groaned. “But we’re in Huizhou. We’re...I’m going with two weeks, from Ba Sing Se”. I'm _'going with'_ because I had no idea. It's not like we have a schedule. “Can’t the men push this any faster?” the Empress asked, upset that her soldiers weren't performing at peak efficiency. “There’s always the sailing component.” This...offering...made her conclude that my right arm really _needed_ to be grabbed. And it was grabbed. “If you bring up the ‘s’ word I’m going to...do nothing.” _Well okay then._ _That's quite...passive of you. Unless this is some secret Neutral Jing tactic and you're going to save the day one more time._ Eitherway, I used my mind to produce a intelligent statement. “If we take a boat, the Avatar can’t possibly follow us forever.” _Yup. I'm smart._ “Doesn’t Twinkletoes have a giant fluff ball?” the Empress asked, tightening her hold on my arm. I was unsure if this tightening was because the _last_ time we took a skybison for transportation, we came under artillery fire from our own side. Or because she's trying to interrogate me for answers and believes that by cutting off blood circulation to my sword-arm, that'll help her objective. I didn't need blood circulation. _Nope_. “Does said fluffball like water?” I asked, and Toph probably pulled on her eyelids. Actually, no she didn't. Her hands were wrapped around my arm. “I don’t know, I’m blind!” she spoke, loudly, into my ear. Then, thankfully for my ears, quieter, “How long would it take by boat, Kyoshi?” I had to, yet again, come up with a guess. “A...week? A week to the mouth of Chameleon Bay.” I felt...wrong in not admitting that I had no idea. I mean, _I did know_. It couldn't be more than that. That said, I’m not Suki nor am I a walking spigot of exact distances. “How does it take two weeks by rail and one by boat? Aren’t my monorails faster than that?” she asked, I sensed her dissatisfaction. _Her_ monorail. “Huizhou and Xi...Xisouzhi? I think that’s the name, are full of _daofei_ ”. I shouldn’t have brought up _daofei_. The next moment, I knew exactly what her thoughts would be.

“That’s awesome! We can lead a campaign against the daofei!” and she punched the blanket off. _Ah! The light. I was just becoming infatuated with the darkness_. In fact, she was lying to my side, wearing the same sleep-robes she wore earlier. _Or did she change into them_? Well they were the same robes she was wearing when she ' _summoned_ ' me earlier. And her hair was somehow messier than how I departed her this morning. Which...is a expected result from rubbing oneself against a pillow. And an Imperial Pillow. I couldn't believe that I had to ask this, but I asked it anyways. “Your Majesty, you’re not going to tell me to pacify another portion of the Earth Empire, right?” and she scoffed. “If you want to do that as a birthday present, please!” _Wait. Wait._ “Didn’t I give you a city as a present?” she lay there, idle, contemplating what constitutes a present, before going “you’re right. You did. But you’re also my Consort and I expect extra presents from you” and I sensed a bit of a spoiled-voice to that tone. _The 'I want seal jerky and we're going to the North Pole to get it' voice._ If this goes where I _think_ it’s going… I had to act formal. “Your Majesty-” but she reprimanded me with a “Stop being Twinkletoes, Kyoshi” So I switched to a softer “Toph, I can give you far far better birthday presents.” This...intrigued her. “Like what? Name five things” she challenged me. How a discussion about keeping the Avatar away turned to this...I know not. But I wasn't going to fail this challenge.

As always, everything gets derailed. Except the rail-line itself.  


Time to use my mind. _Whiskey, why abandon us when I needed you most?_ “I can give you...a richer Ba Sing Se!” But this earned a failed eye-roll from her. “Ba Sing Se’s already rich.” _Fine_. “I have some wonderful government reformation ideas” and I rubbed my chin, as if the ideas would pop out of my mouth should I mimic a wise man rubbing his chin. “That’s one.” she commented in approval. “But there’s more than one reformation idea" I haggled. “Only counts as one” she charismatically smashed my face in. “I can...practice dueling?” She took her hair and tossed it over her face. “That’s a present for yourself.” _Hmm_. “I can… Wait! I can learn to sing!” She blew some of her hair off her face, only for it to fall back onto her. “That’s not a present, that’s an order.” The following was a quick exchange of me lying there, looking around at the walls, the ceiling, her, and trying to pull concepts out the air we were breathing. “I can bring you the finest clothes-” she pointed at what she thought was the clothing cabinet but that was the wrong doorway. “Already done. I hate stuffy clothes." _Think! Be vaguely specific!_ “I have some ideas for reforming the military.” “That’s two" and she took her hands off her chest and went back to playing with her hair. I pointed at the ceiling since something about the ceiling and recalling the presence of the Dai Li inspired me to say “I can have corrupt officials purged.” “That’s what I do for breakfast" and she made imaginary chewing sounds. _Correction, she made chewing sounds, pretending to eat imaginary food_. _Right right. Of course._ Seeing her punch the air reminded me of...punching things, “I can...I can go with you to the Earth Rumble next year.” She turned her head towards me, which may have made me involuntarily slide off the bed, and state “That’s a present for next year.” _Right. I'll try to show up for that. Let's hope everything doesn't go kaboom first_. After one good smash into the ground, I crawled back onto the bed. “If we count Caldera, can we reduce it to four?” She groaned. “You’re being difficult, Kyoshi. The next two better be worth it” and she retrieved her spittoon for spittoon usage. _I mean...they will be._ _Because I'm confident in my capabilities. Nobody else is, but I am._ “I can give you New Taku” She smirked. “That’s three. Well done, Kyoshi.” _Three out of four, or maybe five._ “I can get you a really fancy blanket?” I said that so cautiously and nervously I thought she’d mock me. “What kind? Is it the kind that hurts my calluses?” and she took her hand and ran the blanket we were lying on. It was too soft for her to lie on. Which is why she prefers to lie on hard surfaces that are not the mattress. It does not matter if said surfaces wake up with bruised chests. “No, no. A fur blanket.” This made her express some emotion. _Namely double-fist-punch-air approval_. “I love fur blankets, but I’d prefer that as a surprise" and the two fists returned, one to _bop_ me on the leg. But...that was all I had. “Toph, I’m done” I declared, disappointed. “You’re only at three” she pointed out the obvious. As if I needed to see it. _I mean, she did. And I have to. I mean...half. Something_. “Oh, oh!” I had to say ‘oh’ a bunch while my mind ran circles. “I can toss Captain Boomerang at you!” I yelled. This made her nod and say “Now we’re talking.” As such, I tried to finish the sale as soon as I could. “So we’re done?” She finished the discussion points. “Yup. Two country-wide reformations, one city and one guy with a massive-,” _nope I'm cutting you off_. “Right, right. I’ll get on it” and I jumped out of bed and went to put on my clothes. 

“Kyoshi, if you think the sailing route is faster, I’ll give you my support. Just keep Twinkletoes distracted until we get to Ba Sing Se. Oh, and I'll need one of your arms” and she summoned a rock glove from somewhere and hit me on the shoulder. _I'm guessing you'll need the arm for holding purposes?_ _You do realize it's an entire boat not a kayak. But you're also the Empress and if I even think of going against such a request... Also, it's quite possible you're setting me up for another long-term joke. If so, here's a 'ha' for a per-emptive strike. Ha._ While I put on my clothes, I noticed her hair still remaining not done properly. “Can I do your hair?” I asked, feeling bad for her inability to. _Wait, she's quite able to, she just likes giving me work_. She yawned. “You’re too busy smelling like Sugar Queen to do that. I think I’ll die of oranges first.” I did up my belt and tried to make a case for what could not be defended. _No, orange-lavender is not a good smell. Such is her word_. “And what? You want me to rip my Robe in two?” She morphed her arm bracelet into metal and began working on her hair. _See? See? See? She can do it herself_. “Just...make it smell like you, or dirt, or everyone else’s blood. I don’t know. Or do what I do sometimes and go without all those fancy clothes." _I'd rather not 'do as you do' and 'go without all those fancy clothes'. Pants are a virtue._

  


As I redid the belt, messed it up the first time, _distracted by hair,_ and checked that my queue was stick queue-ing. “So you approve going through Chameleon Bay?” She stressed her words. “Get. Us. Home” and I had to dodge a rock glove meant for my shoulder that instead punched a Toph-hand sized hole in the wall. I gazed at it, then her bored face that had no emotion, since...Toph doesn't showcase facial expressions, she gives you a shoulder punch if she approves. “I’m on it, Your Majesty” _quick, don’t screw up this bow._ I slipped and face planted the ground instead. _One more time, but this time, rush even harder_. I got the bow to work, did the leg swivel, and set off to go perplex the Avatar with the power of good-smelling clothing. He'd never sniff me coming.

  


“Your Holiness!” I shouted from my perfectly placed stance in the middle of the dark looking into the main living room. “Your Earthliness!” he responded. _Still not my title._ With as much as I can understand with one eye, I saw him playing Pai Sho with his friends. _That’s distracting enough_. My work's cut out for me. Now... _don't prematurely celebrate_. I marched past them, earning kowtows from people I don't know the names of but do respect and three Air Nomad bows from people who I do know the names of and don't really respect, before going to find the officer in charge of this Party Train. “Where’s the officer in charge of this monorail’s operation?” I had to shout to a room filled -that's a overstatement- with three teens and some guards. “That’s me, Your Majesty!” a man who sounded somewhat competent but only during every other day responded from...the opposite hallway. “I want you to make a right turn.” I stated, seriously to him. Part of the seriousness was because I wanted him to do his job. The other part was because I wanted to show off my formal voice. “But...this is a monorail, not a carriage” he responded, clearly not in with my commanding persona and attempts at commanding. _No, this is the Imperial Party Train_. I got into a propaganda poster pose and outstretched my arm, pointing at him and almost tapping his face. “If the mountains kowtow to the Wielder of the Mandate, you can find a way to go to the coast.” He had to take a moment to pause and comprehend what he was looking at. _Hey, I would too._ Then, he brought his hands together and offered a solution. “What about if we go to the next port city, Your Majesty?” In a far-less formal voice, “That’s acceptable.” and I turned and went back to the Avatar. He was still distracted. Though his eventually brother-in-law was watching me like I was some kind of crazy person. _No, I just have more titles than you._

  


All Her Imperial Majesty wanted of me was to keep the Avatar away from New Taku. _We’re on the other side of the continent._ Like with any Imperial Edict, it’s got fifty interpretations and I’m sure five or six of them involve executions and another five are ‘the metaphorical meaning’. I love those metaphorical meanings. It means that taxes can be stolen if they're used to feed the Imperial Army, but the Imperial Army can also never leave garrison should a _daofei_ band be present in that or a nearby commandery. Among other things. I went with whatever I thought was right, which tends to be how monarchs come up with laws, _who needs to think these things through_ , and in my case, it meant to keep the Avatar’s worldly concerns away from inspiring the creation of a nation that might secede from ours. Now, that’s such a specific objective that unless a series of stupid events transpire, that’s nearly impossible to happen. Today, it's impossible for it to.

  
Maybe next week it will. 

I strolled back over to the Avatar. “Your Holiness! May I join you for a game?” He stopped looking at Katara and looked up at me and my request. “I thought you said you didn’t play Pai Sho” he said like this was a recurring event. In my almost-always-correct mind I thought I'd never had this discussion before. That's why I asked “When did I say that?” “In Caldera, Your Earthliness” _what, are you the walking memory of the entire world or something? Well you are...but I can’t see Avatar Kuruk as being a repository of everyone’s opinions on Pai Sho. I...wait no wait he might be. That was his one virtue right? He knew how to play Pai Sho. Because everyone knows Pai Sho solved the Fifth Nation crisis. Or the Yellow Necks._ I took a seat and sat down near the trio. _Operation Distract the Avatar, let's go._ “Avatar, a question has been running through my mind for a few seasons.” _It wasn’t._ “I’m all ears" the young man with big ears replied, optimistic looking forward towards a high-intelligence conversation. _You’re definitely not all hair, Lord Egg._ “Do you have a walking repository of memories? Specifically, do Avatars chime in for current events similar to the ones they dealt with?” I don’t know what he expected my question to be, I'll loose an arrow in the dark and go with 'politics', but he was forced to sit there and go ‘huh?’ instead. _Wait, another question. I'll call it clarification but it's irrelevant._ “Do you know every world leader’s opinion on Pai Sho, for instance?” Now that I had thought of it, I craved this nonsensical answer. He looked at me, then Katara, then Sokka, then Katara again, then the ceiling, then Katara again, then the wall, then Katara, then myself. “What counts as a world leader?” _Well not the ceiling or the wall._ Sokka, being Sokka, chimed in with “Someone who leads the world, Aang?” Like some kind of mood-swinging waterbender, I synthesized the two questions. “What Avatars liked Pai Sho?” _I’m going to keep going with this tangent._ He looked at Sokka, Katara, myself, Katara, the ceiling, Katara, and back at myself. “I...I have no idea. I’ve never asked.” My voice became more...pleading. “Can you go ask?” He smiled and went “Sure. Do you have a quiet room to use?” and I pointed at a storage cabinet just down the hall. He blew himself off the chair with a small air-blast, I guess you don't need legs, and into a upright position. “Thanks!” he said all relieved before skipping over to a door. I don't remember if that was the clothing cabineet, and if it was, then Sokka would probably feel upset for the King of Eggs getting to sit in there but not him. But Egg is not going to go full oogie-mode next to all these clothes we don't need and will never wear. Also, he's the Avatar. He gets unfair treatment and it's our job to continue unfairly treating him instead of judging him as the ideological egg that he is. 

Suki popped out of wherever she was and decided to intervene in this Pai Sho game and discussion. As anyone normal would do, her first words were “You smell different.” _Thanks Sukes._ “That’s what it was? I thought it was your perfume, Suki” Katara prodded with a dying ember of jealousy. “Captain Suki” I had to clarify. Not that anyone cared. “You smell great” _stop. Sukes. We get it._ I took off the Robe and tossed it on the sofa. I don't know why my execution voice came to light here, but “Enough of this robe and all the curses it brings me” and I set off for...a place to get something to wear. I forgot that I pulled off my robe in front of a bunch of weird foreigners, but at least I'm wearing pants. “Your Earthliness, why are your shoulders so bruised?” Katara asked the one million gold piece question with all the surprise of someone asking a million gold piece question. Suki leaned in and whispered something to her and the Water Tribeswoman snickered. “I get it...I get it” Katara trailed off before trailing back _on_. "I know what love looks like" the strange, strange, waterbender decided to muse. Like she would know. She's dating a monk. To avoid the logical conclusion, something oogie-related, I stupidly blurted out -instead of nothing- “I happen to have a very...punchy, Empress.” I gave a bow and ran back to the Empress’ quarters. _Side note, yes, Sukes, fighting nonstop for a prolonged time tends to build up some muscles. Which is why I have a one-in-a-thousand chance of beating Toph in a wrestling match._

I opened the door and “No interrupting! I have important toe-picking to- Oh. Kyoshi, it’s you.” and she detected this because one of her feet was touching the floor. I looked around as best as a one-eyed man could. “I’m here to get another robe.” She took her finger out of remove a piece of debris from between her toes and went “What happened to the last one?”. She didn't showcase emotion, but I heard the surprise in her voice. I slumped my shoulders and admitted defeat. “Everyone said I smelled great.” Her hand rose to attention and pointed at me. “I told you, Kyoshi!” and she leaned backwards and laughed. I slapped my face. I should've seen...wait no that's why I couldn't tell it was coming. “Attendants?” and a pair of Dai Li walked through one of the walls. “Yes, Your Majesty?” and they bowed. At the same time. _Why not._ “You’re not...doesn’t matter. Fetch me a robe that doesn’t smell like Gaoling.” The left one went “What does Gaoling smell like, Your Majesty?” and the right one went “Right away, Your Majesty.” and the smart one set off with the less-worldly one following him. Not much later, I heard Aang go “no interrupting! I’m trying to contact the spirits!” but the Dai Li were all “Dai Li open up!” and opened the door anyways. No Avatar was going to stop them from the eternal quest for a _robe._

They grabbed a green robe and annoyed an Avatar in the process. But because this is the Air Avatar he was apologizing for interrupting their vital quest that, to quote one of the Dai Li agents, “the entire Empire depends on us getting this robe!"

  
I went to thank the Avatar for his politeness and went to thank him in the most Toph-way possible. Kicking open a door. I expected to find...I don't know, the Avatar waiting to apologize? But instead found the young man holding a set of four large wooden disc-like objects while his eyes were shut. He happened to be holding the one with the symbol of the element of Water.

  
_Right, he’s the Avatar._

  
I bowed and quietly closed the door behind me with a very quiet _SLAM_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, a Dai Li Agent and a Kyoshi Warrior go out on a Train Date. 
> 
> Train-based notes for train-based folks?  
> This time, there weren't really any notes to write. Mori lays anything 'new' out. I might add notes in future if after re-reading there are topics as yet unexplained.


	15. Why Must I Be A Dai Li in Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Dai Li learns to love, Mori learns the Avatar knows nothing about Ba Sing Se. And everyone's as incompetent as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another part of 'Terrible Train Talks', the anthology series that fleshes out the events between Gaoling and Ba Sing Se. That said, it's meant to be read after the previous chapter and before the next one. (It might become it's own one-shot at some point, though).

Chapter Eighty:

I woke, as I usually do, being used as a pillow. It serves no defensive purpose, nor am I a firebender and as such could warm my fellow with my inner self -my opponents claim I am as cold as the lands I come from, in fact, _note, they would be right_ \- and yet because Her Imperial Majesty desires it, I go through with it. _Also because if I don't do it, I won't hear the end of it for the entire night. Not because Her Imperial Majesty is incapable of sleeping on actual pillows, but for the simple truth that if Toph can demand something, she will demand it. And since she wields a magically-verified-by-the-masses power over the entire continent of smelly peasants, she can demand whatever she wants. And I'll go through with it._ The main upside to being a pillow is Toph gets a wonderful sleep. I do not know how sleeping on one's chest remedies actual pillows, and I can't ask her because all I'll hear is 'I prefer hard surfaces'. I guess the ground, er, carriage floor, is too shaky? I was once told that sleeping on the ground results in her feeling everyone doing everything everywhere at all times. Not _everywhere_ everywhere, but Ba Sing Se. Which, in case it wasn't stated, _is_ everywhere. One downside to being a pillow is that it’s impossible to get up without waking Her Late-Rising Majesty up. After all, if one was sleeping and their pillow suddenly sat up, one would _also_ be a bit annoyed. Only a bit. Another, less-though-out _-just like our war plans_ \- downside is that I may or may not end up sweatier than a Water Tribeswoman in the Si Wong. Rather, I would end up as sweaty as a Water Tribeswoman standing next to a erupting volcano. It's okay, because that Water Tribeswoman has Lord Egg for a boyfriend and thus is safe. Me? I've got this one blanket we liberated from someone's house somewhere. No, no, I meant 'was given to us by the Magistrate of somewhere in honor of Her Imperial Majesty's birthday being an entire season ago.' For, while to me anything warmer than winter is warm, _me and all other Kyoshi Islanders, since...Clear Whiskey answers all your_ _problems_ , the young woman from Gaoling would argue that the Huizhou coast’s nighttime sea breeze is “cold”. In any other estate, or household, or anywhere else, the person in my position would argue in favor of splitting the bed. If I say 'split the bed', the bed will be stuck between a tired, _and you don't want to bother a tired badgermole,_ person, and a tired person. But one of those tired people can split beds in two with earthbending. The other would _try_ and sprain his wrist. But I serve Her Imperial Majesty...and all her insane desires. _Pillow-based desires. At least she's outgrown 'let's go boating...to the North Pole!'_

It should be said that Toph would outright deny that she is, in fact, cold, to anyone, from the lowliest Lower Ring-er all the way up to myself. And because she denies it, it would be fact. Science and reality really don't matter to someone who can toss a hill at you. The fact that it's a fact that she does not reveal that she is, in fact, factually cold at certain, factually verifiable times, is, in fact, a fact. This does not stop her from making the claim behind closed doors. This, of course, creates a conundrum. How can she be cold and also not cold? How does the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits even  _ suffer  _ being cold. Is she not the steward of a bunch of dancing carpets, tree-gods, and whatever else lurks in the deep, dark, damp, woods? Personally, I'd rather freeze than boil. Being hot is not that hot. Back to her, I'm just a pillow after all, there are occasional moments, lapses, in her steadfastness. They are as rare as the great comets sent down by the spirits, and just as surprising.  _ Derailment, three, two, one... _

These ‘great’ comets have been known to portend the destruction of an army or a sign of imbalance in the world. The most accurate readings come from the people who were inevitably crushed by said comets, shrieking 'is that a giant rock falling towards us?' and as such being turned into paste. Back to boring historical events, the day preceding the invasion of the Eastern Fire Warlords had one, the day of the Air Nomad Genocide had Sozin’s,  _ probably the same comet as the former, just now with a cooler name _ , and the day when the second-to-last Fire Lord fell upon Yu Dao had Sozin’s again. When he  _ fell  _ upon Yu Dao. He didn't do any falling, but the history books like to say things 'fell' when in reality they took an arrow to the eye and had their heads sliced off with bladed instruments of death before said individual's killer ran around cheering. But not all comets are as...significant. They don't get to have a famous name for them, and they don't appear every hundred years. There are showers of such comets, meteors, some of which rain upon the land like an intense artillery bombardment. And by 'rain', I mean they give some poor farmer's farmland the Caldera treatment: Lob as much explosive ordinance at those civilians as possible. Replace civilians with pig-sheep and it's the same sad story. Though, to the best of my knowledge, the Spirits aren't trying to invade our realm. Unless these meteor showers are meant to  _ precede  _ such invasions, in which... _ time to invest in some Spirit Artillery _ . Depending on who you ask, or where you live, or  _ when  _ you lived, the showers of meteors may portend anything from a military victory, a plentiful harvest, a awful choice of monarch, a year of rain, a oncoming peasant rebellion - _ no reason, it's not like most people are superstitious _ \- or a new era. Meteor blades, meanwhile, are the weapons of famed heroes. And myself.

I woke up, as much as I loved the darkness, I love doing things with my hands and feet even more-so, and had to lightly push the Earth Empress off my chest, _yes it hurts, no I’m not complaining_ , _yes, this is mental complaining because it does in fact hurt, no, officially I am a passive pillow who seeks pleasure in being punched or any other such actions an exhausted world leader would commit to her choice of sleeping wear. And by wear, I mean I'm going to get worn out._ My attempt to push her off was put in check. She took her hand and confused me for a punching bag. _I'm a pillow, not a punching bag. I can be punched, I'm too pillow-y to sustain multiple bouts, though_. “I’m not ready to wake up yet” the Empress declared, to my face. _Note, ow, please don’t poke the face, I’d like to keep my other eye, thanks_. I had to admit to my intentions, it's hard for a pillow to break free from it's captor unless it's well versed in...being versed. “But I am.” and I had to remove the hand that crawled its way back onto me. _I can appreciate your attempt to wrap your hand around me, truly, I_ _can_.“I’m sorry for your loss, Kyoshi. Go back to sleep.” and she tried wrapping her hand around me entirely, and as always, failed. _It's not her fault I refuse to budge. When conscious._ _When asleep, I have no argument to be made against being wrapped around by hands. Also, I wouldn't mind if I didn't have things to do with my time._ “Can I not?” I asked her face of black hair, falling in strands here, and there, and also over there, and even closer to here. “I am snoring now.” the woman who was certainly snoring exclaimed in a hushed tone. Since that's what snoring people do, right? They tell you that they are snoring. “Really? I couldn’t tell.” I _had_ to inquire how one could snore and not snore. Furthermore, asking a question gives me an opportunity to just, _force that hand_ , _off, my, chest_ , _ow stop resisting so heavily_. “That’s because you’re blind, Kyoshi!” and she went back on the offensive, what with her hand and all. I tried the old merchant’s trick of making a deal. “If I go back to sleep, when I wake up again, will I get to leave?” She replied with “Deal” and instead of receiving a new chest _fist smash!_ I received a light shoulder tap. A note to Archivists, we go through the same back-and-forth every _single_ day. And it's quite fun. A battle of wits versus Toph, logic versus Toph, endurance versus Toph, me versus Toph. No wonder she's so tired, she's fighting reality itself at times.

I can imagine many from the Earth Empire would kill for the honor of being Her Imperial Majesty’s pillow. And yes, it _is_ a wonderful position. Never fear being ambushed, she'll lob herself and the train carriage _and you if you're not quick_ at the enemy. For all she _does_ resist, in the event someone is stupid enough to _try_ and kill us, she snaps to attention like a secret shadow person hanging on the ceiling snapping awake from a loud, snoring, dream about doing romantic things with romantic people. Here’s the caveat, because this is the Empire and there _always_ is one, I’m also the appointed Imperial Commander of all the Imperial Army troops on this train. While her Imperial Guard and Dai Li may go partying into the night singing songs of women and wars, discussing women and wars, sharing stories about women, and wars, and let us forget, deep philosophical conversation about the meaning of life, and women. And wars. A common conclusion? 'Life's enjoyably action-packed, women are better, wars are best.' I have to ensure, to the best of my teenage capabilities, that this vehicle is going where it should be going. So while it sounds amazing to have Her Imperial Majesty’s head or feet, depending on her wishes, more recently her head, resting on my chest, I tend to need my chest for administrative tasks. I know, I know, _'you don't actually need your chest for administrative_ _tasks_ '. But I run this train, or...I pretend to, and I declare that I need my chest for administrative tasks. One cannot become the Imperial Consort and abandon the boring parts of the job. Correction, the old Consorts _had_ only one job and it was to produce heirs or please the Earth King and his Princes, depending on who would be assigned to whom I would think all those Consorts, both High and regular, would gladly trade for a year of what I must do, this, leading military forces, representing a pint-sized earthbender when she's too tired to get up, and so on, than a few nights with one of those Earth Kings. In the words of Toph, 'oogies'. Long story short, _this is a pretty long story, I don't know how much shorter to make it and even including my thoughts only prologues it_ , life isn’t easy. Never was. Never will be. And it’s up to me to be the Imperial Consort _and_ the One-Eyed Badgermole. 

I gave it a few moments until I felt Toph had actually fallen asleep, she's a very fast-to-sleep person, before, as light as I possibly could, removing her hand from its happy place of  _ slowly turning my chest into a noodle _ and rolling my way off the bed. I forgot, I was too busy being infatuated with the process of removing her hand, that part of rolling off the bed implies and requires the act of  _ stopping _ .  _ Thud _ . I arose, using my hands and legs,  _ I will never not miss having the freedom of movement that I have when not impaled with crossbow bolts _ , to a carpet of undone, messy, onyx hair 'staring' me down in a competition of who’d break first. And that hair staring me off...we both knew I'd break first. “All I’m doing is getting up to make sure we’re going the right way.” I held up my hands defensively. Not that she could see them. Not that she cared even if she  _ could _ . “Dai Li who are hiding over there!” and she pointed at a stone cabinet across the aisle from the foot of the bed. Two men popped out of the closet.  _ Why...why are you hiding in a cabinet? Why? _ “Good morning, Your Majesty!” said one and “Do you want us to take this man away?” said the other.  _ I am not a man, I am the Earth Emperor! Go me! _ I looked at the pair and commented “Agent, why are you wishing Her Imperial Majesty a good morning? Isn’t it clear why Her Imperial Majesty summoned you?” and I pointed at myself then at the bed, finally at the floor where my behind was still resting upon. “It isn’t clear” his young voice responded. I looked at Toph,  _ yeah, like she'd notice _ , for some punishable opinions. Then back at the two static stone statue people. “Now I’m going to be forcefully smacked into a bunch of dressers, right?” I asked them while looking at the probably annoyed,  _ I can’t see your porcelain skin turning red through all the black hair _ , Empress.  _ Don't let her hear that, I'll actually get tossed out the window. Again. _ “Nah, you won.” and she yawned, covering her mouth to yawn.  _ In the name of you, that's...what kind of manners? Did you take a fall to the head or something? _ “I’m too tired for this. Dai Li! Escort Kyoshi to wherever he’s going then when he’s done going wherever he’s going arrest him and drag him back here for pillow time!” Those were her instructions. She tossed herself back to lie on a  _ pillow _ and stretched herself out as she fumbled around for a blanket to cover herself with.  _ See? See? She's quite capable of taking care of herself. No, I don't see. Because eye _ . I used my one good eye to look around amidst this room of not-that-much-furniture-and-more-clothes-than-necessary to grab my Imperial Robe from the floor, previously politely tossed off the bed. Because...according to the Imperial who wasn't me, ‘this is an Imperial-clothes free bed’. Now, pants are a necessary part of the recipe to pants-based success, but if Her Imperial Majesty orders me to lie there dressed, get this,  _ comfortably,  _ what am I going to do? Say no? Be told to sleep on the shaky, ever-vibrating floor? “Where is he going?” asked the younger guard, gesturing to me like I'm some kind of never-before-seen phantom. “Wherever he is going is where he is-” I slammed the door shut behind me before he could get done with-

I was cut off by my esteemed cousin. “You’re up early, Your Majesty." “Yes, well” and I put my hands together, somewhat innocent, “I was woken up so much last night, I don’t think I ever fell asleep to begin with.” and I took to tying up my belt, er, sash that sounds fancier if it's called a belt. “Isn’t it normally the other way around?” she asked, suspicious-eyed. “The same could be said for Kyoshi Island’s matrilineal marriages.” was my random comment of the morning, or, first random comment of the morning. She dodged that question like an egg and responsibilities. “What kept you up? Fear of losing your other eye?” she asked, less suspicious and more curious. Curiously sarcastic, that is. “The usual. One of us can’t stop talking about their dreams.” and she let out a quiet chuckle. _Don't cover your mouth, I may have one eye but that's enough to see you chuckling_. “Who was it about this time?” she asked with foresight of who was _probably_ dreaming and a good guess for what about. _Because it certainly isn't me. The darkness takes me, and next thing I know, beautiful chorus of morning birds...and Toph smashing my chest in with her head. Whichever comes after Toph._ “If I remembered, something about this guy who walks around dressed in mechanic’s goggles and how good looking he is.” I said, trying to run through the massive list of young men I have either met or seen on posters who may or may not match that description. Granted most of those posters are stylized versions of myself, but hey, aspirations. “There’s lots of those, we do live in the Earth Empire.” Suki said, withholding laughter. _Don't withhold it. It's funny. Laugh_. I pointed at her like she'd know the answer, then at the doorway, while scratching my three and a half facial hairs with my other hand. “No, no, this is someone she’s shared a location with at least once.” I stated like some kind of detective solving a case. “Satoru?” she piped in, with her finger, and pointing at the ceiling. “That guy!” I shouted, then looked at the ceiling because more often than not my answers literally fall from the roof. _'Bang'_. Suki's snickering was a sight to see. As was her mock tone of “I thought she liked ‘Captain Boomerang’” I took to fixing up my queue and giving it a formal Imperial Pomp Examination. “I have to remind her that one day soon” _here receive my wink which is a blink_ _because my eyepatch can't blink_ , “he would become my cousin, and as such, outside of the Water Tribes or a few weirdos in the Fire Nation, undateable.” “I see.” she nodded like someone who couldn’t stop nodding. _I'm glad you see_. “And what, she confused you for this young engineer?” _Ha. That’d be hilarious_. “Yes? Not like Sokka confusing you for you” I don't know if I deserved a pair of defensive angry eyes. “It was mostly a dream of her listening to some engine doing it’s engine thing.” And inside my head I heard the sound of engines accompanying what my version of her dream was. Her fawning over a mechanical wonder as it chugs along, feeling it's every small component using the power of metalbending, playing with such components, and overall treating a piece of machinery like a toy. “Would you prefer the two of you _holding hands_?” she said, pretending to sound like an vain Upper Ring noblewoman. _Okay, queue is done properly_. To counter, I stuck out my tongue and gave a proper reply of “As Prince Sokka would say, that’s too oogie. And us Imperials wage war on oogie-kind.” She snorted in laughter. “Holding hands isn’t oogie! He believes oogies are only when people kiss!” she declared. _So?_ I struck back with “Except when _you_ kiss, then it’s approved.” She snapped open her fan, _well that escalated quickly,_ and proceeded to...fan herself. _Oh._ “Of course." My command of “Stop blushing”, to nobody's surprise, doesn't work. I know what can be done with that fan, so I raised one hand as if to politely tell her to back off, while my other vainly ran through my queue. “Listen, Sukes, I’m a thousandfold happier as a pillow. If she pops out of a wall one day and goes-" and I tried to mimic her voice, "‘-Kyoshi! Invent a vehicle that a blind metalbender can drive!’ I’d attempt to do it then get my arm ripped off because engineering is for engineers.” and she found this funny. She pointed down the hall and wisely, accurately said, “Sokka never lived near any factories, but he invents things”. _Yeah. He lived in an igloo. But he's also friends with the Avatar, and the Avatar's...the Avatar. A thousand lifetimes of experience._ I opted to mock myself, and Suki, in one go. “Well you also have a knack for creativity. I have a knack for being a pillow.” “Which is an honorable profession.” she said in a Sokka inspired half-serious half-comedic tone. It was at that moment that I realized it’s too early in the morning to discuss the dreams of yesternight -a chapter unto itself- and the right time to actually do my job. “I have to go...do my job” and I skittered off. “How descriptive!” She commented as I skittered away. _Indeed, Sukes_.

“Good morning, Your Majesty” a different pair of Dai Li -not to be confused with Clothing Cabinent Agent One and Clothing Cabinet Agent Two- greeted me with a Dai Li bow once I reached the living room. In one corner were a trio of Kyoshi Warriors, enjoying their tea and looking out the window. One of them was... _ I think she’s Kikyo _ , it saddens me that excluding a few of the...wilder, more fun, 'let's go swimming in winter' ones, I forgot their names. I knew, with certainty, that the young woman sitting at a different corner of the room across from a single Dai Li agent, eating rice together, was probably not off-duty. I walked past the pair of Dai Li and invaded the private conversation of the two like the Empire invades a tiny ethnic group's homeland on an island and turns them all to rubble. Seeing her headdress, the pointy Mai-like face, the black hair that wasn’t tied at all,  _ you’re Aoma aren’t you.  _ “Aoma, what are you doing with this Dai Li agent?” as if hearing her name -as opposed to 'Warrior'- was some kind of inappropriate gesture, she turned around and went “Oh leave me alone-” then noticed my lack of an eye, the auburn hair queue that ran past my shoulders with it's own Earth Empire tie on the end, the blue robes, the scabbard, really, the whole combination, she got out of her seat to bow. “Forgive me, Your Majesty” she said, humbled but not afraid. “Are you off-duty?” I asked her and looked over at the stone-cold hint-of-scared face of the Dai Li agent. “I am, Your Majesty” she replied, her voice cautious with concern. “Don’t make me get Suki” was how I’d try to obtain the truth from her. “I  _ am  _ off-duty, Your Majesty!” the Dai Li agent let out a few strained words. Then a few more words that brewed with the passion of worry. “I can vouch for her, Your Majesty” The way he said that...I rolled my good eye. “Yes of course  _ you _ can, you like her.” and he tipped his hat to block the rest of his face. I turned around and walked the not-that-many paces back to my quarters. “You’re back, early.” she said, smiling. Somehow, probably because she’s a genius, she could tell by my face that I was here to inquire a specific question. “Aoma  _ is  _ off-duty.” She stated, calmly. This...made me sigh. Not from relief, I wasn't relieved, but from  _ how do you even know why I’m here _ . “Thanks Sukes” I faked a smile and walked off. “Tell her I’m rooting for her.” she cheered from her door-post. “I will, Sukes.” I casually back-said, back, to her. While walking forward.

The pair of agents kowtowed again and I passed them, I was off to go over to the two halves of Kyoshi’s ethics and their conversation. “Aoma, have fun” and my commend made her get up. “A quick question if Your Majesty is free?” she asked after bowing. “Go ahead.” and she leaned in to me to whisper. “How is it that this guy can sing so sweetly but be so socially awkward.”  _ I'm sorry, what? You don't whisper the Emperor, the One-Eyed Badgermole...me, with...flirting questions. That's like asking a firebender to build a wooden house. With firebending.  _ That point being made,  _ the point being made, I can't flirt, that's...oogies, _ I chose to try and use some of my experienced wisdom on flirtatious activities between subordinates.  _ Which, for some Yahazhen-based reason, I have _ . “If you were in his position, wouldn’t you be?” She backed up to allow me to see her look of disdain beneath all that makeup. Then she leaned back in to my ear. “No, Your Majesty, I wouldn't. Also-" she paused, "-his friend keeps showing up to tell him what to say and that’s a bit weird. Can you go talk to them?” and the way she said that...I laughed.  _ Really? A friend helping him? Is he the opposite of Sokka?  _ “Where are they?” I asked, looking around the room and only noticing the pair of Dai Li from earlier and the agent sitting there, politely using a chopstick to grab a single grain of rice at a time. She pointed at the ceiling in a very obvious  _ point _ . I looked up and was given a “Good morning, Your Majesty!” by the ceiling itself. And an agent fell to the ground, stuck the landing...not really, stood up from his face-plant, bowed, slipped on his rock shoes, stood up, bowed to ask for forgiveness I would guess, and stood up again.  _ Okay then.  _ I opened my arms in a shrug of 'so?' and gave a commandingly polite “You, with me” and I walked past this bumbling moron and down the hall. Upon reaching a door, hopefully not a door that contains something I shouldn't see,  _ hey, I can't see most things, and it can't hurt to try and to fail,  _ l and kicked open the first door I could find. It was quite dark, and probably full of dangerous weapons falling from the sky. I went inside, the agent followed me, and we exchanged some conversation.

“What’s the problem that Lady Aoma was talking about?” I wanted to get to the bottom of this because she’s both one of my bodyguards and also a lifelong friend.  _ A prank-loving friend, who repeatedly stole my clothes, but still a friend _ . Oh and of course, I think I have other things to do today, and I don't like leaving plotlines unresolved.  _ The Plot of Lady Aoma and this one young man. Coming soon to the Yi Ming Theater. Directed by Pu-On Tim. Starring, a well-endowed woman with no redeeming qualities -wait, oh, that's what's redeeming about her, the endowment...you don't need to have a character or personality if you can appeal to...oh- of course. Also starring, the most idealistic stereotypical hero wielding his cool sword that you could pick up off the street in the middle of the night. In the Lower Ring. Who happens to have the endurance to last through a performance of whiskey-fueled madness, the same amount of endurance as someone doing a reputable job regarding disposing traitors needs to have. Except the only blades this actor wields are either made of wood, or are euphemisms.  _ “Fellow Agent Tu-Lee is unable to complete his objective of properly flirting with Lady Aoma of the Kyoshi Warriors!” he said in his stoniest, coldest, formalist, voice this side of Ba Sing Se.  _ I'm sorry, what?  _ I took the defense of this man I didn't know, or possibly, offense at this man I was talking to. “Properly flirting? How does one fail at flirting?”  _ Like you wouldn't know how to fail at flirting.  _ This said, he continued in his cold voice, “His social skills are insufficient, Your Majesty.”  _ Insufficient? _ “Isn’t he part of the Imperial Dai Li Choir? I think he’s one of the leads, right?” I said, thinking. “I do not know if that is the official name according to the Directorate, Your Majesty, but yes, Your Majesty. And that’s correct, Your Majesty”  _ I didn’t know I needed to be addressed thrice in a sentence. Not that I mind.  _ I still didn't know this man's affiliation, and thusly inquired “And you have been involved...how?” “I have been providing agent Tu-Lee with proper social guidance as approved by the Dai Li Manual of Civilian Communications, Your Majesty”  _ Dai Li Manual of Civilian Communications? What?  _ “How’s that going?” I asked sarcastically. “Agent Tu-Lee is incapable, Your Majesty.”  _ Wow, that's, like a Fire Lord fighting a waterbender, a shocker.  _ “Thank you, agent.” and I stumbled towards the door, opened it, and left this nameless omniscient and or perceptive man in the dark. Then again, if he's omniscient, he doesn't care if he's 'left in the dark' because he's never actually left in the dark. Because, Dai Li. “Agent Tu-Lee!” I called out to the nearly empty room. The man who was listening to Aoma ramble on about her favorite color -it's red,  _ not blue? that's...anti-Kyoshian _ \- stood up, turned to me, and bowed. I gave a flamboyantly exaggerated hand-wave-over-my-shoulder and “With me!” and I walked back to the room while the nameless agent passed me by. The exaggerated motions are because...hey, if you  _ can,  _ you should. Stupidity can't result if you don't  _ aim  _ for it.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” the agent asked while bowing and failing to give chase to me. Because he was bowing, not giving chase. When he did show up, I opened and shut the door so we could converse in private. I cut right to the meaty bits.  _ No, Toph, that is not referring to how I use my blade. No, Toph, the blade is not a reference to something...oh forget it _ . “So you want to date my friend Aoma?” I was unable to see him fidget but it was clear from his soft voice “I...I like her, Your Majesty.” One huff of mine later, “Right, so, your partner’s a bit of a stuck-up jerk, and I don’t say that often."  _ Side note, I don't. That's a Toph saying. Side note over. _ "I’ll go toss you to someone who’s actually dated a woman before.”  _ Like...I don't know anyone...Wuhan? Sokka? No, actually, no. The Lord Egg? No.  _ “Your Majesty, do you have any advice? Her Imperial Majesty is beyond thrilled to have you in Her Imperial Majesty’s company. I wish I could get like...that...with this...Aoma.” his stuttering in the face of my chest was commendable.  _ Oh boy, ‘get like that’. _ Before he could verbally harass me for being in the 'beyond thrilled' 'company' of Her Imperial Majesty, I left and walked down the hall. He followed me like a desperate man who would do  _ anything  _ for his would-be girlfriend.  _ Right, you and me both. Except you don't give birthday presents shaped like volcanic cities. _ I found the first pair of Dai Li from earlier,  _ not the Closet Crew, the Dining Hall Duo _ , and they bowed. “Do you two have girlfriends? Wives?” and one nodded and the other shook his head. “Right, you” and I grabbed his shoulder, not forcefully, nicely, with my right hand. “And  _ you _ ” and I reached over and grabbed Tu-Lee’s shoulder, not my fault your shoulders are not as strong as my grip, with my left hand. “ _ You _ help  _ you _ in the art of courtship.” and I pulled the two together. Thankfully for me they weren't rooted in the earth or my wrists would go  _ long  _ before they would budge. But unlike them, my hands were trained in the army of carrying an Earth Empress around like a sack of grain. No reason.  _ The reason is cactus juice. The context is unnecessary _ . “I’m on duty, Your Majesty” the not-Tu Lee man said. I didn't care. Which is why I said, frustrated, “I don’t care. Now you’re going to help my friend’s friend.” and I walked past them and back towards Suki. I heard Aoma break into laughter behind me, which,  _ hey you’re the crazy one trying to date the human incarnate of a rock, not I _ .  _ Wait.  _ I was interrupted by myself. “Suki!" She turned to me and relaxed from her katana hilt,  _ what, were you about to cut the wall in two?  _ “Yes?”

I professionally requested help while also giving an explanation about, this unprofessional behavior. “So I’m attempting to help the man and woman do the courtship thing.” She giggled. “You’ve really improved!” _No, I haven't. I'm just using my leadership skills to manipulate circumstances to benefit both parties that are not me. I'm not doing much of anything._ I walked a bit closer to her, I didn't need anyone else hearing this, _though, Toph's probably listening, and the ceiling is also listening,_ “I was wondering...what’s a thoughtful gift Sokka would buy for you?” and she looked up at the ceiling and thought about it. After the ceiling failed to provide answers, she looked back at me. “Well he said he had obtained a bikini for me, which I thought was really thoughtful and sweet, but then when I looked at it I noticed the small letter attached to it, reading ‘for Her Imperial Majesty’ and asked where he found it. He gingerly was all ‘I thought that was a clothing rack for anyone to use.’ I explained that it’s only for Her Imperial Majesty. He was pretty honest about it, so I didn’t get upset. But this man?" and she paused to let me watch 'this' man trying to engage in a social conversation with a statue, "You’ve got a massive pile of clothes in there the two of you will never wear, right?” and I nodded. _So...it's not a double-standard, right? Sokka's not from the Empire, but Imperials get special privileges. But...I know Sokka better than I know nameless Agent number Twelve Hundred and Thirty Three. And his friend, Tu-Lee._ “I can already imagine the dozen Robes I might use once and the absolutely zero bikinis Her Imperial Majesty would desire wearing.” She made a motion for a door on the other side of this aisle. “Why not go in there and find something that’d fit one of the two and bribe them with gifts? There’s clothes in there for every size, and most of them aren’t Her Imperial Majesty’s.” and she gave me this crafty, _crafty_ smile... I raised my good eyebrow. “Wouldn’t that look obvious?” “Nah, people in love are really stupid. Just ask me!” and she waved. _But...you weren't stupid, when in love. It's not your fault Sokka lost his shirt in Yu Dao. And here. And many other places that, thank the Spirits, I don't know_ _about_. I wasn't going to get intelligently deceived into helping my subordinates. “How about, because I’m not a woman, and I don’t know fashion, _you_ do it.” She backed up to the doorway and put her hand on her katana hilt. “But I’m on-duty.” _Oh for Kyoshi's sake. You can't just...pull the truth out and use it against me. That's not fair._ “Later, off-duty _later_.” I said while walking over to the opposite wall so I could eye her and... _Jie? That you?_ _Twin brother to Shi? Gets no dialogue with me and yet an overall outstanding fighter?_ “Do I have your permission to find clothes?” she asked. “Of course not!” I said sarcastically. She laughed. Again, I repeated my claim from the comforts of this other wall. Out of involuntarily-katana range. “Why don’t you go and find them the clothes and hand the clothes to them?” She casually waved that suggestion away. “I could do that, but not right-” before she could continue, I interrupted her. “Yes I know, later”. After finishing my statement, she blew my remark to pieces with “I’ll get right on it, Your Majesty.” _Well that’s ironic._ I bowed to her and the Imperial Guard and walked off to _do my job_.

I walked down the aisles, alone, and found a random room marked with a small sign, “Quarters”. So I kicked the door open. Because...why not? The Dai Li who had the absolute honor of bunk beds  _ -how do you all fit in this room? Bunk beds are not a way to sleep _ \- hopped out and grabbed me with rock gloves before realizing they were apprehending their boss’s boss. Or...their Empress's pillow.  _ It’s my fault, I did kick the door open _ .  _ Try not to murder me and if you do, make it quick. _ They released their stranglehold and were all “Oh...forgive us, Your Majesty!” and bowing. Now free of a death grip, I could glance the room over and...no officers or competent Army people in sight. “Yeah, yeah I know the speech. Where’s the head Imperial Army officer and is he sober?” One of the agents pointed in the right direction, through a wall. “Down the hall, door on the right, last we checked he only had one drink” I backed out of the room, politely commented “Thanks” and slammed the door shut.  _ Wrong stop _ .  _ Next! _

I follow this random agent’s instructions and walk down the aisle.  _ Door, prepare to meet your fate of a thousand kicks!  _ And I kicked it open.  _ Or one kick. _ And I was greeted by a young man wearing his best morning monk robes, meditating. And his pet flying lemur who thought my robes were a tree. Who proceeded to fly over to my robes and crawl  _ up  _ them. Oh, and his two friends were lying down on bunks on opposite sides of the meditating young man. “Good morning, Your Earthliness!” the Avatar said while a-hopping, since he loves to be jumpy, what with being an airbender and all, out of his meditation and into a bow. “Yes, yes. Wrong room.” I couldn’t be bothered to get into a deep philosophical discussion on Pai Sho or peace plans. Or piece plans. Instead, I swiped at this annoying critter that was scratching at my leg. “Thank you, mythical flying lemur, now get off my Robes!” but the more I tried to swipe at him the more he ran around, climbing up me like I'm some kind of tree-man.  _ Wait _ . The Avatar was all  _ innocent smirk _ before realizing I am as competent at catching pets as Toph is competant as a painter. “Momo” he tried his best to call, quietly. Then he whistled. Lord Momo, as surely if he’s a companion to the Avatar he gains the title of “Lord”, like 'Prince' Sokka and 'Lady' Sugar Queen, er, 'Lady' Fuzzy Britches, hopped off my queue, which he thought was a vine, and flew over to his best buddy, the world-ending teenager with a passion for all things Water Tribe. “I’m sorry about that, he wants to go climb trees” and the Avatar gave his friend a chin scratch. His friend purr'ed. Since I didn't want to deal with the Egg that much, not really a fan of his 'no killing' policy, “Avatar, you’re free to leave the Imperial Party Monorail." But I made a choking sound as I felt this pain of  _ being wrong _ . So I pointed at him and swung my finger around to point at the doorway. "Wait, wait! I need to verify if that’s the Imperial Edict-mandated name…” and I spun around to face absolutely nothing and ponder. Good on me, the Avatar was quite happy to stand behind me breathing heavily and being silent.  _ I do hope I never wake up one day to that 'heavy breathing'. _ Meanwhile, I contemplated that  _ technically as I bear the Imperial Seal I can call this whatever I want. Except Toph would have a name for this, right? _

_ This _ was a question I’d need to bring up with the Ministry.  _ A  _ Ministry.

“One pregnant moment, Avatar” and I departed out the door,  _ heading, down the hall _ and ran down said hall at breakneck speed. As in, if I tripped, I'd be breaking my neck. I ran up to the dining area and yelled “I need a scroll, and ink, and all the other supplies one needs for scroll-based documentation!” and then noticed the - _ why are four Dai Li here? A moment ago there were two- _ Dai Li stationed next to the drink-serving part of the dining room. “Right away” one stated and I’m not joking, he reached down behind the desk and pulled a paper, ink and a writing utensil out.  _ Where...do you all just have this stuff stored across this carriage? That's...pretty smart, actually. Never know when you'll need an Imperial Edict to be written up by a blind person. Or me.  _ At the same time, I wondered  _ does this go to the Minister of Justice, the Minister of the Imperial Clan or the Minister of...we don’t have a Minister of Names do we? Am I that?  _ “Excuse me, low level Dai Li?” and I waved to the four clinking their teacups to get their attention. “Yes, Your Majesty?” the four of them replied, in eerie Dai Li sync. “Any of you know to whom I am supposed to address this letter? I need to request an official title from the Imperial..." I waved my hand about my face, trying to summon the correct title, then ignored it and went "-somebody... to verify  _ what  _ our current vehicle of transportation is classified as according to the Imperial Record of Classified Transports.” The four of them replied in their own ways. “I have no idea, Your Majesty” “No clue, Your Majesty” “I’m new here, Your Majesty” - _ note, you can't be new here, you were taken on before we left for Caldera at the absolute latest and that's an entire titular title ago- _ and finally “I believe it’d be the Ministry of Ceremonies, Your Majesty” from the grizzled bearded man. “Why?” “He, assuming he hasn’t been executed for treason, handles such titles, Your Majesty.” “Thank you” and I got to work writing a letter. 

_ Minister of Ceremonies _

_ Are you alive? Have we executed you for treason? If so, please pass this onto the Vice or Deputy Minister. If he, too, is incapable, please continue down the list of officials until a living individual can receive this letter. Thank you, living individual. _

_ Her Imperial Majesty is on a monorail bound for the ports of, no, a port in, Huizhou Peninsula. Before we disembark, it is vital to know what the official classification of this vehicle is for the purposes of recording the events that occured on board. The detachments assigned to Her Imperial Majesty’s protection refer to it as the ‘Imperial Party Train’ but I am unsure if that is an official title.  _

_ Ten Thousand Years, and if you’re new, congratulations on your promotion! I hope you last longer than the last guy who held the position. _

_ Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Consort, the Earth Emperor, the One-Eyed Badgermole, and all my other titles.  _

_ Appendix: You know who I am, and if you don't, find someone more competent who does. _

_ Appendix the Second: That late Minister was an incompetent moron who sat in a chair all day doing nothing. I'm glad he's dead. _

_ Appendix the Third: If you are that man, turn your back on Her Imperial Majesty's kindness to allow you to retain that position and you will find yourself in a beggar's grave. _

I pulled an Imperial Seal out of my Imperial Robe pocket, gave the paper the old  _ stamp _ and handed it to a random Dai Li agent I happened to spot. One of the Four. Not to be confused with the Closet Crew. My directions to him were as follows. “Please bring this to the next available postal service in event of my inebriation, assassination, or incapacitation due to wartime-related activities.” then I ran down the hall to find the Avatar because I had some kind of vitally important conversation to get to.

The Avatar was in his room, now without a shirt or rather top-robe, for some reason. Whether or not he’s trying to pull a Zuko and win the hearts of every woman from Beihai to Nanhai - _ note Nanhai may or may not exist _ \- was beyond my vital need-to-know basis. Also, he was breathing fire.  _ Casually _ breathing fire. A skill so rare that those who  _ can  _ do it are the stuff of legends and tales. And here he is, casually breathing fire as part of his meditation ritual or morning meditation or something. Momo was sitting next to Katara’s bag, his hands done rifling through it. When Aang noticed the One-Eyed man and his one-eyed look observing his practicing with a mix of surprise and terror that he may or may not combust the room,  _ and if he does what would we file that under? ,  _ paused his excersise in self-restraint. “Avatar, I give regards to you, you waited for me.” and I gave him a basic bow. Why? I don't want to be combusted. “Your Earthliness, that was fast” he said, his voice as fresh in endurance as...something something spring.  _ I know, I’ve gotten good at this grab-a-scroll thing _ .  _ Almost as good as capturing capitals of other people's homelands. _ I raised my hand, “One more moment, I must contemplate what we were discussing” and I contemplated  _ hard _ . My mind was too busy being filled with paperwork violations and Dai Li Manual Rules and  _ did we execute the Minister of the Imperial Clan?  _ The Avatar, being a very nice egg, reminded me “You were saying ‘you’re free to leave the Imperial Party Monorail.'" I commend him for his memorization of commands that ascertain to his immediate removal. As such, a “Thank you” would suffice. Also,  _ here, have a bow _ . That being said, “No calling it the Imperial Party Monorail. That is  _ not  _ an Imperial Edict-mandated name.” All I saw from him was this look like he was busy being detached from worldly affairs. “Speaking of worldly affairs” because I had to address my inner thoughts, “Should your flying bison, wait...flying lemur, cause harm to this vehicle, he will be charged with destruction of Imperial property and summarily executed."  _ Wait, maybe I shouldn't have let those inner thoughts out _ . “Okay then, thanks for letting me know.” and the Avatar bowed.  _ Oh.  _ “Speaking of what I was speaking of, you’re free to take your companions and leave if your flying lemur wishes to ascend trees. I warn you that the fighting men of the Dai Li would not take kindly to a small piece of dinner climbing up their well-trimmed, easy to scratch, dresses or braids.” I could hear the voice of...myself, chastising me:  _ They aren't dresses, they are robes! And they aren't braids, they are manly, manly queues. Like your manly, manly queue.  _ “We were planning to leave today" he replied to my request, that childish-air around him.  _ Wait what? Spirits have you blessed me? Agni, I owe this to you, my fiery friend. Thank those Shirahamans for giving me the greatest whiskey-drinking religion. Second-best. Kyoshi's Ethics include lots of Clear Whiskey. Wait, as Earth Emperor, aren’t I a deity? Toph is, right. Should I be worshiping myself? But I’m an idiot. What kind of god to his people is an idiot?  _ This, Imperial Archivists, is what happens when one goes without breakfast. Eat breakfast. And always take a shot of whiskey in the morning lest one starts contemplating the world they reside upon. Such meaningful thoughts can end poorly. Remember: Always eat breakfast.

“Why are you leaving so soon?” was the worst possible question I could ask. Which is why it was the first thing that came to my mind. “Because Fire Lord Zuko is going to be visiting Ba Sing Se and I’d love to hold a worldly summit of worldly leaders there!” Aang said, happily and with optimism radiating from his voice, as if what he just said was ‘I’d like to go hang out with my friends’. Unlike the world-ending, Water Tribe-dating, young man who has an intense fascination with braids as he couldn't stop looking at my auburn queue with a blue-green tie on the end, I was...not as amused at his optimistic outlook. “Your Earthliness, why do you wear that queue?” he asked, still in a cheery voice with his wide, Ty-Lee esque eyes,  _ missing those creepy eyelashes _ , as they blinked in my direction.  _ I feel as though this has been answered as many times as Kyoshi killed a fool.  _ I grabbed my queue and held it in my hands, letting the end drape over my left hand, the tie held between thumb and pointer. I chose to address him as the childish young man that he seemed to be at this moment. “Tradition. All the nobility of Ba Sing Se wear it and nothing certifies my noble-status like a long auburn braid that my Empress may tug on at whim. It has little purpose beyond looking cool.”  _ Also, there’s five thousand years of tradition around it but not like you’d know that _ .  _ Five thousand years of hard-fought tradition around fealty to the Badgermole Throne. Or that it, like the Fire Nation's Phoenix Plume, is a sign of honor. Since I ascended to being the Consort, my hair has not been cut.  _ Back to the discussion point, I almost fainted. 

_Fire Lord Zuko? Ba Sing Se? Since when? Do people just invite themselves to the Capital? If so, we have anti-air weapons._ _Why? Why is he allowed to do this?_ “Avatar, not that it’s my business, except it is because that’s _my_ city-” _correction it’s Toph’s, but I'm allowed to represent her in these matters,_ “-Since when has the Fire Lord had the authority to wave his hands, say a few words and visit Ba Sing Se?” The Avatar looked at me and...I expected some fealty, or admission of ill intent and declaration of 'I will fix this'. Instead, I got “I...we thought since it’s such a big and nice city, it’d be a great place for a world leader meetup. Also because every other world capital is on fire or in rubble. We were going to do it in the North Pole but the Fire Nation attacked and destroyed their three thousand year old temple. Good thing your Imperial Navy showed up to kick the firebenders out for good.” and he gave me a reassuring smile. Like I needed that. _We did that. We did what you said we did_. “Yup. That was all me.” was my grinning reply. Now, most people who _know_ me know I don't grin, but the Avatar is not one of them. I made sure to sound like Suki when she’s about to walk into a bedroom that happens to contain Prince Sokka except someone else is also about to walk in so the other person would ask 'oh, were you going in?' and she’d innocently go “nope, not me!” and probably clap her hands together and koala sheepishly back off until the other individual left. 

I changed the topic for a pause. I needed to get something historical set straight for the world-ender and his friends. In the time that I could. “Avatar, you know those firebenders were there in the middle of winter? What idiots. What kind of idiot attacks the Water Tribes in their own fortificatons?”  _ Hold on is it getting hot in here or did Toph show up and force me to sleep under a blanket _ . The first one was correct. The Avatar was lightly exhaling fire while the orange Sun cast a glow behind him, making him look like a silhouette of an egg on a braizer and not an egg. He let out his regular childish laugh. “Whoever attacks the Water Tribes is really  _ dumb _ ” he stressed the last word and suddenly I felt the need for seal jerky, and some Kyoshi’s Own. I nodded my head. “Haha, they sure were stupid. That’s why when we fought back it was so easy. Because we had the waterbender’s support. We really did. Did you know the Imperial, I meant Royal, Fire Navy, had mercenary earthbenders?” And I looked around the room, his companions had yet to stir themselves. “No, I did not.” he told me, following along with every word while transitioning from standing up to pulling a stone seat out, sitting down, and relaxing on it. I gave another nod. “That’s correct. They hired earthbenders. And Chief Arnook agreed to become our vassal for protection.” “That’s interesting, Your Earthliness. Really interesting.” and he innocently awaited my continuation of my absolutely perfect rendition of the events that happened,  _ yup _ . “Are you planning to release him as a vassal, now that the war is over?” the Avatar asked, pulling his  _ I’m-important  _ Pai Sho tile out and showcasing it to me. It was a White Lotus tile. “I don’t  _ see _ why not” I tried to quip but he didn’t get it. I continued down my monorail of...the truth, in other names, “If only we knew where Chief Arnook was. Shame. I think a Imperial Provincial Government was set up to take its place.” The Avatar wasn’t interested in my artistic liberties taken retelling of events,  _ as artistic as Of Badgermoles and Dragons _ , and continued his tangent from earlier.

A brief pause. I was once taught that the truth, not a fabrication of it, can make for a more convincing argument than any possible lie. Because if you're telling the truth, it  _ is  _ the truth. Nobody can argue that. And it's a shame that we,  _ I _ , don't know where Chief Arnook is. Lake Laogai is a very large structure and no non-Dai Li agents know of it's entire length or width. Not that the two are related. I  _ do  _ know that Princess Azula likely inhabits a cell so deep it recieves no sunlight. As for the Imperial Provincial Government, that  _ is  _ the truth. There  _ is  _ a Provincial Government in place. Whether Arnook runs it, or his grand-nephew, a shame that the rest of the line-of-succession fell in battle, is not up to me. All that I know is that the nation of chauvinists got Kyoshi's Justice brought upon them. Either they follow the teachings of Kyoshi and allow their women to fight and allow lowborn women to marry highborn men and highborn women marry lowborn men, or they'll face the Imperial Navy.

As I mentioned, he continued his detached tangent. “Zuko and I agreed that it’d be a great place for a world leader meeting. You and Her Earthliness were on your way there, and Katara has heard great things about the security within the city. Is it true that the Upper Ring is the ‘safest place in all the Four Nations’, Your Earthliness?” He asked like a curious child. _Haven’t you been there?_ _Don't you remember?_ “Haven’t you been there before? As I recall you were there multiple times.” The Avatar nodded. “I was, but I never stopped to ask how secure it was.” “Were you ever assassinated?” I stated a joke that would get a round of laughter from the Dai Li. Or the Imperial Guards. “Nope.” he replied, smiling. So I corrected him. “Not yet you mean" He raised an eyebrow, his voice unsure of what I was saying and overall, blissfully unaware of the ramifications “Why not yet?” “Forget it, it’s a running joke for the Ba Sing Se nobility.” and I feigned two different voices, one higher pitched and one higher-than-average pitched, “‘Hey Lee, have you been assassinated?’ ‘Not yet, Kwan.’” and for some reason the Avatar took this comment lightheartedly. “I get it now. That’s pretty good.” “See, it’s because Ba Sing Se is so secure, nobody is ever assassinated within its walls. There’s almost no crime, there’s no looting, pillaging and especially no tax evasion.” _Nope. None at all_. “What are taxes, Your Earthliness?” _Oh Kyoshi, protect your male descendant_. “You don’t need to know. You’ll never pay them, anyways.” was my accurate, well thought out, response. Since...he's the Avatar. He could sit on his flying bison for the rest of his days and he'd still get money, free housing, and anything he wants tossed at him. It's not like he has to manage popular support of a mass of unwashed unintelligent morons who happen to control our food stocks and, if they want to, are quite capable of trying to, _maybe not succeeding_ , in deposing the current occupant of the Imperial Palace. No, people can hate him, but people have hated Avatars since time itself began. But he'll _always_ have supporters because he's an Air Nomad and has helped some peasants out. While the rest of us marched on Caldera, he was helping some farmers with their crops. Or resolving a dispute between one tribe and another. Or whatever irrelevant matters he was doing. _Some_ Avatars had to earn their reputation because their past life was _so_ stupid that a mass _daofei_ rebellion occured, and had that Avatar resorted to some act of 'nonviolence', the world itself would've fallen to anarchy under the boot heel of a hundred thousand men under one lightningbender and his resurgent movement. No, by all means, that Avatar didn't need to _earn_ her respect because the world laughed at her -thanks to her past life's shortfalls-, no, she had the exact same privilage _you_ have of sitting here inside a cabin of the Imperial Carriage, protected by those who protect us, and given a daily audience should you desire it. For while the Empire may laugh at you, a few of us have to give you _some_ respect for nothing else but fear that the Avatar State will trigger and give the lot of us haircuts.

And we don't want haircuts.

_ Now, back to Zuko and you _ .

“I’m guessing you’d want to hold it in the Imperial Palace?” I asked the Avatar, who had resumed his partial-meditation partial-response. His silhouette nodded while I strained to avoid going blind from the Sun behind his head. “Avatar, you know the last time the Fire Lord flew over to the Imperial Palace?” he shook his head. “No, Your Majesty.” The anger tried to seeth its way out of me. Didn't work. “ _ Never _ .” “But Iroh flew over on Druk a few months ago.” he tried to correct me, correlating a fallacy -Iroh was not the Fire Lord- with an event he somehow has no knowledge of. “And the city had anarch-" I cut myself off. "-Disagreements between the Upper Ring and the Imperial Palace over how to handle the situation. The Grand Secretariat at the time,  _ me _ , worked day and night to ensure the public knew this wasn’t a declaration of war. Ask Iroh what happened. Even with the news, many fortified installations still hesitated and had to be repeatedly told to stand down.”  _ And in truth, many Lower Ringers died in the unrest that ensued. As they often do. When someone is afraid, they act rashly. When someone ignorant is give a small piece of information and left to his or her imagination, they don't act with much reason. _

“But the war is over, Your Earthliness” he said with that classic, aspirable at times, Aang-optimism. Aangtimism. I can respect it, he's consistent with his beliefs. And his beliefs are dangerously ill for the wrong reasons. I chose to defend Her Imperial Majesty's dignity, as is my job. As is the fact. “And it’s only by the grace of Her Imperial Majesty that Iroh wasn’t blown out of the skies. Iroh happened to be publicly against the Fire Nation at that point. Zuko? He betrayed the Four Nation Alliance in addition to all the other war crimes he partook in.” “But he’s  _ Zuko _ . Zuko’s a nice guy now.” he said with that air of  _ what’s-the-problem _ ? It's much like how Katara is  _ always  _ right, even when she's wrong. He's always right, in his mind, even when he's wrong.  _ Listen, if it was between you and me and Zuko, you can have your little get together wherever you want, as long as it's outside Her Imperial Majesty's bedchambers. Or house. I don't care. You want to go have a party celebrating how great everyone is and how all the good guys are so good and all that? Go ahead. But the world isn't that nice, is it? _ “To you, and maybe to about ten other people in this hemisphere.” I replied, taking to leaning on the doorway. “What? Do people not like me? Me?” and he gleamed the smile that won the hearts of the large of the Southern Water Tribe's fleets. It won their hearts as they sailed west to free the Fire Nation from itself. It won their hearts when they besieged a city that needed tens of thousands of  _ casualties  _ to take. And it won their hearts while a dragon torched them. And it won their Princess, if Katara can even be  _ called  _ that. And it won Sokka.  _ Avatar, you are not everyone’s friend _ .  _ No Avatar ever has been. But I cannot teach you that, for I'm just a pillow. _

“Why wouldn’t people like me? I’m the Avatar! It’s my job to ensure balance. Who doesn’t like balance?” he asked so genuinely I knew he believed this to be the truth. I almost felt  _ bad  _ for the man who abandoned my homeland and the continent to the scourge of the Fire Nation for a hundred years. “I never said people didn’t like you-” I began, trying to defend myself.  _ Though I have a long list of names, starting with General Secretariat Han and the dozen top ranked living Dai Li members. And most of the Dai Li. And anyone that's survived any battles in the Hundred Year War.  _ “Even if people like you,  _ Your Holiness _ , you can’t just walk into a city.” He gave that petulent, child-annoyed-at-parent-for-not-letting-him-go-play-outside, voiced reply of “Why not? We’re at peace!”  _ Where’s the irony? Oh, it hasn’t arrived yet?  _ “Avatar, is your concept of existence peace and war? Do you not know what unrest is? Or rebellions?” “I know what unrest is, and I also know it’s my job to get rid of it” he said, passionately. “Maybe that’s your job. Maybe not." "Where's the unrest? As an Air Nomad, it is my role to bring peace between groups!" he asked and stated, confident while also  _ brr _ ing from the cold of the wind as it seeped in through the open window. "We're not  _ in  _ the Air Temples-" and I pulled on my robe, "and you're not dressed for this weather."  _ You're wearing a towel. I know it's 'holy monk robes'. But it's a towel.  _ "And what about Zuko?”

“Your Earthliness, just go up to the -beautifully built, may I add- Inner Wall and shout ‘good morning people of Ba Sing Se! Fire Lord Zuko is a nice guy!’ I'm sure it would work.” It felt like he was joking. He couldn’t genuinely think this was...a way people conduct business.  _ Right? You...you don't possibly believe that one man can just...enact such drastic changes, right?  _ “Avatar, I have a me-length, and I'm me-length, number of reasons why that would either not work or be forbidden.” “What are they? You can’t shout?” he said, joking. I think.  _ Okay so the earlier part wasn’t joking _ . “Avatar, the Earth Emperor’s voice is  _ not  _ to be heard by the masses. They are the masses and I am the Earth Emperor. I do not give speeches. I do not walk to the top of the Thousand Steps and shout requests.” I said, using my best Dai Li stone voice. “Then why can’t Her Earthliness?”  _ Spirits...that title hurts _ .  _ I need some spirits, Spirits.  _ “Her Imperial Majesty, long may she reign...her voice is not to be heard by the public. She is a  _ goddess  _ to her people. She’s only one person. Even if, even if!, that would logistically be impossible.” He didn't get it. I could sound like a Dai Li in a formal, deep, stone-like voice. I could explain the verifiable by our actions  _ nature  _ of ruling a continent-sized realm. It...didn't matter. “But she’s... but... I’m the Avatar, and I often shout at large masses!” he said, sounding quite reasonably steadfast in his own...actions. His own actions had that sound of truth to them. Which... _ great _ . “And the Avatar has the freedom to conduct his or herself as his or herself wishes in terms of speaking to the masses. If Your Holiness wants to shout at a population, that's your perogative. Not mine. The rest of us aren't...as untied. We aren't, in words you would get, as free as leaves in the wind.”

The true saying is 'leaves in a tempest'. Because minor winds do little. A tempest destroys that which is weak and breaks against that which is strong. But this Avatar is a light gale. Not a tempest. Not a hurricane off the Sunrise Sea.

It should be said that the laws I refer to are not followed by Toph or I. We give speeches. The Earth Kings of old never did. Their voice was considered holy and reserved for the Inner Court. There may be exceptions, the occassional eccentric one, but that's not the norm. With that said, Toph and I are but two people. And Ba Sing Se is a city so large there is no census to count its population. Millions. That's all we know. We could field an army from it's population larger than all other Armies and levies, combined. While we do give speeches, take for instance preceding battles or after our victories at Yu Dao and Caldera, it’s not our job. Toph and I love the people. We love hanging out with them. Drinking whiskey with them. Getting bloody and dirty with them. Fighting alongside them. Leading them. Winning wars with them. But that’s because we want to. That’s because there’s nothing Toph loves more, save Lord Qiangyang, wrestling and myself in that order, than a good fight. Likewise, there is but one thing I as an Imperial Commander and carrier of Kyoshi’s ethics love more than fighting and that’s my Empire. To reinforce my statements from earlier, I used the given knowledge here that I withdrew for the purposes of this 'discussion'.

“Avatar, Her Imperial Majesty and I are but two people.” I couldn't avoid that watchful look of his, as if he could convince me with his happy eyes and cheery puffy cheeks.  _ I am glad Her Imperial Majesty cannot see this. She'd laugh harder than she normally would _ . “Can’t the two of you take one day and go to the top of your Palace’s steps and give an announcement?”  _ He doesn’t get it. He...really doesn't. How...why? How? Great Ancestor, how have you not possessed him to tell him that he's a idiot? Do I have to, what, explain it in detail?  _ “Avatar, must I explain the impossibility of that?” but he didn't take my joke of a question as a joke. “Go right ahead” he said, assertively.  _ Oh. You're being assertive. I'm taken aback. Except I'm not. _ “I’m unsure if you understand how  _ large  _ Ba Sing Se is. It is not the Southern Water Tribe lands of Umiak where your two friends come from, where the Chief’s proclamation could go directly to the 'citizens'. There’s only once or twice in a lifetime when the city ever goes quiet and that’s during a Coronation. When a new ruler of the Earth Kingdoms, now Empire, ascended to the Badgermole Throne, the entire city would shut down. The Earth Sages would repeat the Mandate’s passing and the entire city would listen. There was no celebration preceding it, and there was no silence after it. The world itself halted to listen, and the people resumed their lives shortly after, the ramifications of the event fresh in memory. They would celebrate with parties in the streets, sure, but that was no longer 'quiet'. The rest of our reigns, we rely on Imperial Heralds to pass on information. When Her Imperial Majesty comes up with a new Imperial Edict, and  _ only  _ an Imperial Edict, it is repeated on the top of the Thousand Steps, and from there repeated until the entire city and theoretically the entire country hears of it. Of course, the entire country may not get it so quickly.”  _ There, he’s smart enough to get the rest of it _ . He didn't even realize that me calling the Tribespeople of Umiak 'citizens' was a compliment for people who aren't 'citizens', they would be of a Tribe. “So why don’t you go tell everyone how great Zuko is?” he said, pressing his opinion so hard I felt a metaphorical dagger puncturing my chest.  _ You've got to be kidding, right? You're...missing everything I just said. That...reality doesn't work like that. A single person doesn't run a country and...alas, I'm arguing with myself. And I know I'm right. Because I'm right. Because I'm me.  _ “Avatar, think about what you’re saying. You’re telling  _ me  _ to tell  _ Her Imperial Majesty _ to repeat something you believe.” “Do you...not believe it?” he questioned with a tone of 'are you alright?'.  _ No, actually, I don't believe it. I don't believe that someone can just flip from being a member of royalty to being a 'good guy' overnight. He may be our acquaintance, politically, and I was his guest in his Royal city, but he's not my 'ally' and I don't think he's 'great'. Start helping the Empire recuperate with some reparations. Help restart the economy of all the land in the West that was upturned by Tundra Tanks and Komodo Rhino Divisions. Give us the food we would've gotten from the lands in the west that were salted by the Fire Nation. We are the people of Earth, we do not forget things so easily like you and your wind. And you...you'd think the last living airbender whose people were wiped out to the last by a Fire Lord would be at least, equal to us in his views towards...reparations. But I guess not. And we lost countless millions while you lost a couple hundred thousand, tops. I'm arguing with myself again. _ I gave him a faked answer, because I couldn't stand to stand and tell him what most of the people of the Empire think. “We do, but…”  _ wait...I have an even simpler reason why he can’t come _ ...

“Avatar, you’re not a member of the Earth Empire.” was my starting statement. If he was wiser, he may understand where my statement would go from here. _If_. “I’m the Avatar" he replied, as I didn't but should've expected. I pinched the bridge of my nose so I wouldn't exhale fire. I may not be Zuko, but I suffer his...tolerance issues. “But you’re not a member of the Earth Empire. And...and neither is the Fire Lord.” _and this is where I’d catch him out. How do you defend this? The Fire Lord is, get this, the Lord of Fire. Not the Lord of Earth_. “So? I’m the Avatar and Zuko’s the Fire Lord.” he stated, putting one and five together to make the sum of one and five. _You’re proving my point_. “And is the Fire Lord a member of the Earth Empire?” I asked with that interrogative persuasive tone of the Dai Li, mixed in with some Imperial nobility. “No, he isn’t, Your Earthliness.” I sighed. _Earthliness_. “Have you ever heard of an invitation?” I inquired, suspicious if the Avatar has ever heard of such a difficult-to-grasp concept. “I know what invitations are.” he said like a child who got an answer right. “And because you and Zuko are foreign dignitaries, you must request permission to enter Her Imperial Majesty’s Palace.” he got off his seat and doubled over himself in a bow to me. “Oh Your Earthliness, may I request permission to enter the city?” he asked, his shiny egg threatening to poke me with his egg-ness. “Only if you’re willing to wait in line.” I said, a sarcastic call-back to the night then-Lady Toph and I spent waiting for her passport to be accepted at the Upper Ring’s wall crossing station. I believe it went something like this, though it's quite possible _-it probably_ _is-_ that I'm wrong:

_ Yes, she is officially Lady Toph Beifong, the Heiress to Gaoling. Yes, she is a Beifong. Yes, she is an earthbender. Yes, I’m her seeing-eye person, here are my two eyes to confirm that. Yes, I have been her seeing-eye person since appointment by the Lord of Gaoling. No, officer, I am not married to her. No, officer, I have already filed my Application, here it is. Yes, officer, I filed her application, as you can tell by my handwriting. No, we aren’t carrying any weapons. No, officer, we are not carrying any forbidden substances such as and including alcohol or hallucination inducing desert drinks. Yes, officer, I’m with her. No, officer, this hair is not dyed. No, officer, we haven’t heard news of any conflicts within Ba Sing Se _ .  _ That’s a wonderful hat, officer. Thank you, officer. Have a great evening, officer.  _ Clever Toph, claiming I was her servant and seeing-eye person. Otherwise we might not have gotten through. 

I was recalled back to the realm of reality by Aang’s chipper voice. “But past times I’ve been to Ba Sing Se, like a month ago, I didn’t have to wait in line.”  _ Your childish wonder never ceases to amaze me _ . “Really, the Grand Secretariat didn’t ask you any questions when you arrived?” The Avatar returned to his seat while I returned to standing stiffly and speaking doubly as formally. “He did not, Your Earthliness. But he requested to donate a pair of agents to provide rooftop security and I had no problem with it. They provided great security and were very friendly, by the way.”  _ Exactly. That's...exactly the Dai Li's role. You egg. And they say I'm blind. I mean...I am, kind of. But like Toph, I can sense things. That's a lie. She can sense things, I'm just told them. Tell, don't show works well for learning facts about things I'd never bumble into on my own.  _ “Did you ever go inside the Imperial Palace?” I continued the questionnaire. “Only when I was with Your or Her Earthliness. The Grand Secretariat said I could get as far as the steps of the Palace.”  _ Thank you for the truth. _ “Exactly. You are not allowed to enter the Imperial Palace without direct approval by Her Imperial Majesty and  _ only  _ Her Imperial Majesty.” He made a 'surprised' noise, like he was choking on some exposition that found it's way into his viewing area. “You mean you cannot give it to me?” he asked a idiotic question befitting someone who lacks any knowledge of the intricate customs of a city so large it’s its own society. A nation within a nation. “Her Imperial Majesty is the Empress of Ten Thousand Years. She is the one who reigns on the Badgermole Throne. Even I, the Earth Emperor, must request her approval to enter. During the Second Siege, she vocally forbade me from returning to the Imperial Palace until General Shinji and Heiji’s forces were routed. Her word was Imperial Edict, and the, then, Royal Guards standing at the entrance of the Outer Courtyard drew their daos and pointed them at me after my ostrich horse rode out the South Gate.” This revelation shocked Aang. It's like he didn't know this or something. And yes, I know, he wasn't  _ there  _ to see the Royal Guards order me to depart. Or see that I voluntarily took an ostrich horse and a  _ jian  _ and rode out, not be 'forced' to do it. But the histories favor drama, don't they? And it sounds more...realistic, more appealing to the Archives if I was  _ sent  _ off to die, I mean 'succeed', as opposed to voluntarily march off to die, or rather, succeed. Likewise, I don't know how he doesn't know this. As if it wasn’t his sky bison that flew in at the end of night and rescued my...what, ten, survivors from my assault? Did none of those ten men tell him what happened?  _ Why  _ we were all out there? No, of course they told him. He just didn't remember. I suppose that's fair. If he had his eye crushed - like a man would crush a grape - in a duel, he'd remember the night, too.

“And what happened if I accidentally entered?” He tried to play by his rules. That is, they don't exist and he just does what he wants. “Thousands of Dai Li and the Imperial Guard would rally in defense of who sits upon the Badgermole Throne. The last person who accidentally entered did so by force of arms and by force of arms I mean she electrocuted most of the guards and agents with precise strikes while her dragon fused their skin to whatever strips of iron they wore in their garbs. And that's the lucky ones. Because they died shortly afterwards. That's not the ones that had their hands and feet set alight, losing their bending, only to be picked off one by one like a bowfisher and his choice of prey by a Princess who had  _ perfected  _ her lightningbending.” He was taken in jaw-dropped surprise. As he should be. “So...you guys take your Palace pretty seriously.”  _ I want to rip my hair out _ .  _ I...you're kidding. Do you just zone out anything that is messy or gritty and listen to what you want to hear? _ I pinched my nose again. “Yes! Yes we do!” I screamed, unintentionally letting out a  _ bit  _ of that pent up 'this is beyond insane'. And then another part of his original speech hit me,  _ world leader meeting _ . 

I opted to change the topic while bringing back my formal voice. He didn't need to hear my informal, _true,_ voice, because said voice may or may not be much much more annoyed. Annoyed's an understatement. “Avatar, I don’t recall you ever asking permission to host a meeting of foreign leaders in the capital of the Earth Empire.” “I asked Grand Secretariat Han and he said he wasn’t against it…” and he tapered off. _Really? I...I reject that. No._ “He never gave you anything on a scroll, right?” He continued watching me stand there, my hands tucked inside my sleeves. “No, Your Earthliness.” _Ha._ “Then he didn’t give you approval.” He asked, quite nicely, credit to him, “How would I get approval, Your Earthliness?” _The bureaucratic way._ “You must file a request for such an activity to the Imperial Palace. There, Her Imperial Majesty, through myself, will overlook the request. Of course, she'd blind, so I have to look it over. But you've got to _submit_ it. Properly. We get hundreds of requests per day and, in case you haven't noticed by our current location, we've been a bit...how do I say... _not present._ _If_ we are not present, the Grand Secretariat will look over the request. Considering you received no scroll bearing the Grand Secretariat’s Seal, or the Imperial Seal, you have no approval.” I gave a short exhalation before shoving my hands further into my sleeves in that Dai Li pose, which also applies to most government officials. In truth, I had a itchy right hand. All that Toph hair was scratching it while I slept.

“But you want to make the appointment, right?” I asked, and he nodded. “You’d have to file for it, list all individuals who wish to attend, then the Dai Li would perform a security analysis of the situation and send a report to the Head of the Dai Li, who would thereupon approve or deny the meeting. And I would  _ not  _ lie to the Head of the Dai Li, if I were you. As you want a ‘world leader meeting’, that implies whole households travelling with their leaders.” The Avatar interrupted me,  _ that's very polite of you _ , to go “but it would just be Zuko, his dragon, Mai and the three of us.” this quiet commotion awoke the waterbender. “Hmph? Aang? Whatcha up to?” she mumbled. Aang immediately turned to face his companion. He got off his seat and knelt next to her. “I’m talking to His Earthliness about making a world leader appointment in Ba Sing Se.”  _ That's...a very nice way to put it _ . She yawned and rolled over in her sleeping bag-thing,  _ probably a sleeping bag _ . “That’s great, sweetie-" ignoring her sweet,  _ get it _ , tone, I physically cringed from the... _ oogies _ . "Is it time for breakfast?” she asked, half awake. She stretched her arms out, touching the bunk’s stone frame. “Sun’s been up for not that long, but I have” he chirped. Chirped is the right word. Then he pecked her cheek. “You and your firebending instincts” she said, allowing a gasp of enjoyment to escape her.  _ I want to do things with whiskey. I need to do things with whiskey. It's like that time wiht Sokka, ancient whiskey, and a balcony. Wait...Sokka. My cousin-in-law, someday. Wait _ . Just as the two lovers were enjoying a moment of intimacy, Katara holding Aang's cheeks with her hands and Aang playing with her braid, “Sokka! Get up! Everyone else is up!” I ordered in my deepest voice. He sat up with haste and bonked his head on the low ceiling of the bunk.  _ That’s an ow for him _ .  _ Ow, him. Sorry kind-of cousin.  _ It happened to be that he looked across the hall and saw his sister embracing Aang in a hug -they're quite fast, or maybe varied, with how they progress from  _ oogie  _ action to  _ oogie  _ action- first. “We’re under attack!” and his two companions broke their grip and looked at Sokka and myself, and back at Sokka. “What?” the two asked like some kind of drunk in-sync Dai Li pair. “Under attack by  _ oogies _ " he stated, less intense, with complimentary tongue-sticking-out. I heard a waterskin uncork from  _ somewhere,  _ turns out if I watched where Katara was looking, I would've spotted the waterskin hanging on a small stone...strap holder,  _ our trains don’t come with such, we're not waterbenders afterall, though maybe Aang added it, which means that he did damage to Imperial Property and should be punished and...blah blah blah _ , and watched her effortlessly draw a small stream of water out with simple motions of her hands, coil it into a ball, condense the ball to snow, and smack Sokka in the face with it.  _ Remind me not to get on Katara’s bad side. Lest I be pelted with the fiercest of snowballs _ .  _ I can feel the ow from that smack. _

“Now that the three of you are up…” I was cut off by the mother of the group, using her motherliness to try and police my Imperialness, “We’d like to finish our morning routine before being shuffled off to a meeting-”  _ woah, Katara, nobody was insulting your probably holy morning routine of stretching a few times and doing the kissy kissy with your boyfriend. I mean, I'm insulting it because it's oogies, but nobody's actually saying anything _ . I had to get defensive, “no, I wasn’t going to shuffle anyone anywhere. I...just wanted to inform you that you aren’t allowed to just walk into Ba Sing Se whenever you feel like it.” In retrospect, telling this to the three of them, even in my- _ I’m a noble- _ tone, is like challenging Toph to a earthbending duel. While inside a cave. And with two arms behind my back. And while asleep. “What’s that supposed to mean?” the waterbender asked, frustrated. Rightfully so. She got off her bunk while Sokka wrang out his terrible excuse for a topknot.  _ Wait, you call it a...wolf tail? _ “Why would we hear this now?” she said while walking  _ over  _ to me.  _ Right, right, I don’t want to annoy you.  _ I brought my hands up to stop her, but I also know that if I  _ grab  _ her hand to prevent the oncoming shove, Pu-On Tim would...do unspeakably things to a piece of parchment. And then that parchment would become a best-seer at the Yi Ming. Because anytime two people have any physical interaction with one another, that means they want babies with eachother, right? 

I wouldn’t call Katara ‘a person with a spirit of a firebender’, I’d argue that she’s as rooted in her beliefs as Toph is in hers. And that's a compliment. To be compared to Toph in anything save vision is a high honor. The difference is in discipline. Where one takes pride in being as disciplined as possible, Katara, the other does as she wishes when she wishes. That’s not due to some Empress-granted arrogance, it’s the other way around. Becoming the Earth Monarch gave her the ability to finally do whatever she wanted. She wasn't restrained by rules or her parents or society. She  _ was  _ the society. Katara’s greatest strengths -and weaknesses- come from her ideals and goals. As I would be reminded of, if she has a goal there is no opinion other than her goal. She’d make an excellent Magistrate, except her idealism, as I’d be reminded of, can be a bit... _ much _ . 

“We were told we’d get a house in the Outer Compound! Are you about to pull back on it?” and I felt the air in the room get slightly colder. “No, no, no” and I raised my hands and backed towards the door.  _ Back. Back. Get back.  _ “You can have the guest house. I was just spending some time telling Aang about some parts of the Imperial bureaucratic system.” She looked at Aang, “did you learn anything from it?” and he smiled, “Sure! I was happy to hear about appointments and heralds and all that. He wasn’t telling us we can’t come, just helping us make an appointment to come, right?” and he looked at me. As did she. Not Sokka, he was busy. Momo was swinging, using his tail as a rope, from the top bunk to the bottom. And in doing so, bumped into Sokka's head.  _ You...you two are...using intimidation on me. You're...this feels illegal _ . Instead of trying to fight the  _ waterbender  _ and the  _ Avater  _ without at least one bow and some arrows first, I had to use words. “That’s correct. I was in the middle of explaining how nobody can enter the Imperial Palace without our permission.” This made the room return to room temperature. Actually no, it didn't. There was still the matter of an open window. That said, she calmed down. “Oh. My bad. I thought you were going to ban us at the last moment.”  _ I mean...you didn’t make an appointment. You're... no. I can't win now, but surely in the future on my home turf, or rather, Imperial turf, I can, right?  _ “Sorry about the outburst, she’s hungry, and she likes the beds there, right Katara?” and the two knocked their heads together in some kind of side-by-side embrace thing. It sounds like they bashed one another's brains in with their skulls, but it was more of a soft 'tap' followed by two small smiles.  _ That's very oogie _ . “I do. You really know your silks!” she sounded quite cheery at that last comment. For my many criticisms of ‘Team Avatar’, she’s completely in the right to get upset. It’s not her fault that the Avatar thinks he owns the world. Or thinks he knows it. If he believes something and tells her, she thinks it's the truth because just as Toph and I trust one another, the three of them share their trust. 

“Your Earthliness, I’ll make you an Avatar promise that we won’t enter the Palace Compound until you arrive. The thing is, our guest house is inside the Compound.” and he held up his hand like some kind of egg making a egg-declaration that I was supposed to...respect? And he bowed. “If you want to fly to Ba Sing Se, you can. There’s a villa in the Upper Ring reserved for your use.” “Wait there is?” Katara asked, amazed. “Of course, it’s just down the road from the Jasmine Dragon.” I replied.  _ I have no idea where it is. I'm not the Dai Li. You might not even have a house. I might just be making that up. Well...it's not my problem, is it.  _ “Thank you so much!” Katara said, now really happy. “I’m honored” I gave a bow and walked out as quickly as I could without raising suspicion.

I finally remembered that I had a  _ job  _ to get to today, this morning’s original objective:

The maps said we were coming over the Qingjian Hills. The heart of Huizhou. The most densely populated  _ daofei  _ lands in arguably the entire Empire. Or...known of. And any direction we go in is still Huizhou. So it’s best if we head for the coast.

_ Kyoshi, our train’s going to get attacked, isn’t it? _

Time for the morning briefing and to grab my blade. Just a day in the life of me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Next time, Toph's Achilles Heel. (It's foot-related).
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for People Who Love Reading 'Filler':  
> -Despite all the talking about the strenuous activity of being a pillow, Mori really likes the job. And Toph likes him for being a pillow. It's platonic cuddling without the word cuddling because 'cuddling' is oogies and we don't speak oogies here. Nope.  
> -Mori happens to be one of the few people who wouldn't try anything while Toph sleeps. As such, she keeps him close. Keep your friends close and your enemies far, far, away.  
> -Huizhou forms that peninsula that juts out into the Eastern Sea, south of Chameleon Bay. This may be repeated in oncoming chapters as we'll be exploring more of it, soon.  
> -Pu-On Tim plays, coming soon to a chapter near you. I only have one play planned right now...but rereading all these events, I've got material for dozens.  
> -The Dai Li Manual of Civilian Communications and Katara's diary share two things in common: You're never going to see it and it's full of strange, poetic, well-organized points on all kinds of daily matters.   
> -Tu-Lee has nothing to do with Ty Lee. I simply took the earth radical, 'tu', and the common name 'Lee'. Thus, a 'commonman' Dai Li agent dating a Kyoshi Warrior. There's probably some symbolism about two halves of Kyoshi's ethics coming together, but I'm too lazy to do that kind of research (not that there's any research to be done, there's two pieces of fanart and one fanfiction about the premise.)  
> -Jie and Shi, forgotten by my writing because I have a boatload of characters. Fun fact: Wuhan was originally slated to be a side-character just as much as they were, but he gets much more screentime. Jie and Shi will return, maybe not now, but long, long, in the future (past the point I'm currently writing). And there, they will get some time to have fun. And kill people.  
> -Mori, in being tall, and being named after a tree, is a tree-man. He has a loving relationship with his cousins, other trees. This will be addressed in a one-off joke at some point in approximately thirty seven chapters from now.  
> -Did you like Ministerial nonsense? Do you want more of it? No? Well there's going to be at least one chapter full of it in the near future. Followed by many more.  
> -All those Ministries will get their exposition in the future. Use your mind to figure out what 'Minister of the Imperial Clan' means.   
> -The Bureaucracy related to Titling will not be it's own chapter (I know, I know, I can hear people taking out their pitchforks), but this scene with the letter demonstrates part of the 500 miles of red tape (er, red cloth?) that someone has to go through to get something, anything, done. As nonsensical as this all sounds, the real Qing Dynasty was nearly as bloated in it's stupid rulings. And, like other things mentioned before and after, this will have a payoff. A payoff similar to events that transpired in the Qing Dynasty.   
> -Nanhai, does not, in fact, exist. Beihai does.  
> \-----  
> -The first portion of this chapter reflects the simpler aspects of the last chapters, the second, it's nexus is Aang's declaration of Zuko's imminent arrival, sets up a...less simple tone that will exist going forward. There will still be many moments of levity, whether in antics from Toph, the Kyoshi Warriors, or an entire chapter where the Dai Li are the Avatar Fandom w/their own fanfictions and ship wars. But in general, the tone's going to get more serious. There is an Empire that needs be run, after all.  
> -The Avatar is not meant to be an idiot. He never dealt with Long Feng, so he was never given the Earth Kingdom teaching (experience being the best teacher) on governance.   
> -Within this AU, the Avatar having done little to prove his value, I can't see why Mori would have an ounce of respect for him beyond the title.  
> -Mori's resentment of the Avatar comes from the same resentment all Earth Kingdomers share: He wasn't there for the hundred years of conflict. He might've helped at the end, but in this AU, he didn't achieve the same as he did in canon. And this is the ramifications.  
> -The Avatar does not know politics. Or formal matters. He's 13 and didn't have the *shocking* training that Mori had under Azula.  
> -The Papers Please references will return.  
> -Mori, a serious man who knows his customs and rules. And he's also disgusted by 'oogies'. He's still a teenager after all. Even if he's seen (ha) alot.  
> -Every time Mori compliments the Avatar's companions, there's a reason. Remember, For Want of a Nail.
> 
> -This took me ~6 hours to edit, add remarks (the italicizes) and publish.


	16. A Glassy Predicament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mori learns the benefit of scouting first, Toph learns the benefit of having a Consort who smells good, everyone learns why you should not mess with a Badgermole, or the Dai Li.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only in my cactus juice fueled mind can I combine surgery with warm and fuzzy feelings and those feelings with the expectation subverter known as Toph. 
> 
> This is part three, or maybe four, or maybe five (depending on how you count) of Terrible Train Talks. Like the others, this is focused on character development, with this chapter's character being Toph. We explore her Achilles Heel (guess what it is).

Chapter Eighty-One: 

I  _ hate  _ playing a game of 'where are we and where are we going?'. 

“No, officer I-don’t-know-your-name, you’re an idiot.” and I pointed at the part of the map with “Chenping” written on it. A line was drawn to mark the border of the commandery. The man dressed like an Imperial Army Captain, who was definitely an ‘Officer’, shriveled up inside. “In what world is turning around better?” the concerned Captain asked. So I looked at Suki since she's the smart one, who...shrugged. “This is on you.”  _ Right. Thanks Sukes. Thanks for that. Mind helping next time?  _ “Your Majesty” he said with the frailness of a twig, “If we head back to Suixi, we can take a boat from there.” and he pointed at a part of the map south of where my hand was pointing. 

This intelligent conversation devolved into two men pointing at dots. “What, are we going to rattle off names here?” Suki inquired, leaning in from her advantageous position at one of the table’s sides to block the light and make us both forget where our fingers were supposed to go. “Wangkur” He pointed where he had pointed earlier, some distance south of where we thought our train was. “Minquan” I pointed at the place we were supposed to go. Which, knowing the Empire, means we'll probably end up going the wrong way. “Douyuzhen” he stated, following by his pointing a bit northeast of where he was, slightly closer to wherever we were. On the map. Not in reality, since where we were is where we were now...but a moment later is back there, not here.  _ It doesn't need to be this confusing, but it is _ . I made sure to keep a equal distance from his finger, since for some reason that's a thing, and pointing to the northeast of where I had pointed earlier, the nearest dot being “Yuan." “Where’s Yuan?” he asked, having to lean in to spot the tiny dot. He used this lean to move his hand elsewhere and go “Also, Xia!” If he was going to try and demand we go  _ that  _ way, I'll demand “Minquan, again” and I moved my hand back to where it was, again. I guess the whole keep-equal-distance thing we just made up was made up, after all.  _ Who would've thought? _

I had to inquire about the size of this man’s...hands. So I said “Why?”. Why? They encompassed mine and I was already pretty tall so what...why... _ something _ . “Why what? Something wrong, Your Majesty?” and he took his hand off the map to stand at attention. I felt really stupid as I  _ pointed  _ out his hands, while jaw-dropped going “Your hands...they’re massive.” He looked at his hands, confused, and gave me this look akin to  _ where-was-your-mind? _ Not that he was wrong. We're supposed to be playing a game of 'pick the dot', not 'hand-measuring contest'. Suki, ever the helpful cousin of mine, pointed at my hands for me and explained, to him, I hope to him and not to me, “See, he’s got hands, and I have hands” and she waved her tekko-wearing hands. “See, hands” she continued in that instructor voice of hers. She followed this up with pointing at one of her hands. Y _ es, hands. Sukes, everyone’s not as clueless as I am _ .  _ I mean, not everyone is as clueless as I am.  _ The Captain looked at me like  _ I  _ was the crazy one - _ listen Captain, I didn't point at my hands and go 'see, hands', I can't even see half the time _ \- and shook his face a few times before saying “What of hands? My father had large hands.” and he looked over his own callused fingers.

A member of the Dai Li who happily fell from the ceiling and landed on the floor with a  _ bang _ got up and bowed to me. “Your Majesty, lunch?” the stone-voiced man asked. “Yes, lunch” and I nodded to him because  _ one word sentences aren’t sentences. I. Would. Know _ . The man stuck his hands in his sleeves.  _ That must hurt, what with the rock gloves, or maybe not _ . “Would you like to take lunch here or outside?” “One more moment,  _ please _ ?” I said, as if I was begging Oyaji to let me stay outside for  _ just a little bit longer  _ before dinner. Because unlike  _ some  _ people who'd stay out all night, come home, and not be reprimanded as hard because  _ someone got to do sleepovers whenever she wanted _ , I didn't have such a privilege.  _ Wait what was I talking about?  _ “Right away, Your Majesty” he bowed and back-walked his way out of the room. Back-walking, a nice not-well-known,  _ compared to their singing? it's famous. Compared to normal people, it's rare _ , skill of theirs. Everything's relative. I opted to continue with my formal tone, commanding the agent to "Shut the door on your way out! We’ve got to talk about the size of our-” but I was cut off by a different Dai Li agent sliding in and exclaiming “Your Majesty, a visitor” in his normal, well I assume it’s his normal, I’ve never heard this man speak before, voice.  _ That's why he doesn't have a name. Named people are named for a reason. Okay he has a name but he's just Dai Li Agent number whatever. Sorry agent, you're probably a great guy and all I will just never know your name _ . “Presenting, His Holiness, the Avatar.”  _ another  _ Dai Li agent stated with utmost seriousness and ice.  _ Ice? Really? Why are you talking like 'ice'? You're not benders of water.  _ I pulled a Toph, interrupting this agent's read-off,  _ from memory, no doubt _ , of the Avatar's titles,  _ we count Lord Egg? Yes or no?  _ and saying “Yes, yes, all the formalities- Get in here.” I like pulling a Toph. It’s nice to punch, all, those,  _ punch _ , formalities in the face sometimes. 

“Good about-noon, Your Majesty!” the chipper young lad flew in, blowing our papers all over the place. He airscootering on the walls -that is, his ball was on the wall with the rest of him being horizontal instead of vertical like a normal person- in a big circle before some Dai Li rock gloves grabbed his staff and made him faceplant a wall.  _ Slam _ . “What was that for?” he said, much like a child annoyed at Oyaji for taking one’s heirloom katana and playing with it,  _ no context necessary _ . “You blew the documents of His Imperial Majesty about!” the ceiling announced, not very happy with the young man with the head of an egg's actions. “I’m sorry, ceiling!” and he jumped up with airbending to the ceiling before turning himself upside down with some kind of in-air somersault and planting his feet in the ceiling, and bowing to the ceiling while his head dangled over our once-a-map like some kind of ceiling furniture. The ceiling groaned, one voice going “What in Kyoshi…”. And then I groaned. And pinched the bridge of my nose because  _ if Zuko does it and it works, why not I _ ? It didn't do much, but it did feel good. I can imagine  _ not  _ combusting. I looked up at the bowing Aang, as if I needed to recall that he  _ is  _ doing  _ that _ ...and moved on to looking back at the hair-blown-back Captain. “Not that I mind, oh wait, I do, can we get back to relevant matters?” Then I felt my hair and noticed the queue took a moment to pretend to be a flag. The Captain did not get the next word in, Suki did. “Like the size of your hands?” and she giggled.  _ Yes, those are the real questions that we must answer _ . She then pulled a blueberry, or perhaps an azure berry, but  _ not  _ a turquoise berry, out of a tray of similar berries, and consumed it. A single one, because ‘ _ one must be delicate when eating food _ ,’ according to the woman - _ ahem, Suki _ \- who once took an entire cooked bird with her hands and devoured it. But since there's a foreigner standing,  _ can you even call that standing? He's...upside down standing _ , in our room, I wasn't going to mention  _ that  _ little fun fact that I and only I know quite well. She can deny it to everyone else, even little Sai, but not I. 

_ Squish _ , I guess now I’m going to have to put up with the noisy consummating,  _ wait no not that, no that's for when Sokka gets caught in a cabinet clutching his clothes and his claim...and now I need a whiskey _ , consuming, of some locally grown  _ are they grapes? They look more like grapes _ . There’s a great way to resolve this matter and it’s not by pondering. Pondering's for people with nothing better to do in their time. “Suki, are those grapes?” She stopped making the berries go  _ squish  _ and  _ smush _ and other such words. She held one up between her forefingers. “They are ‘Pinguo Blue’ bilberries.”  _ What?  _ I pointed at the small object. “Is that a berry or a grape?” I  _ had  _ to know. “I have no idea. I’m not a berry farmer.” she replied before tossing the berry into her mouth and smiling out of enjoyment of berries.  _ Can one be a berry farmer?  _ A different food product called out. “Your Earthliness! How’s your day!” and spinning around, I looked a little bit more than a bit, down at these two grey eyes and their life-filled blinking. Kind of like Ty Lee. Which concerns me. Anything related to Ty Lee makes me worried. I addressed the man whose head looked  _ up,  _ for all he had grown, he had not grown yet. “Right, you showed up.” and I sighed. Then, with utmost haste, my mind recalled things. “Hands! Dots! The map! Where we’re supposed to be going!” and I shoved the airbender out of the way -how I wandered away from the map to begin with  _ I have no idea,  _ possibly something related to being blasted in the face with a airball- and went back to the map table, where two Imperial Army men were placing the map.  _ As opposed to the tea table? _ “We’re going to Minquan!" and I slammed my fist onto the table. I also went  _ ow  _ because the table's made of stone and as much as I love combining a fist and stone, I'm not Toph. The Captain's,  _ no not her, she's eating grapes,  _ hands came together out of mutual,  _ one hand and the other agreed,  _ concern. “But, Your Majesty, there’s  _ daofei  _ everywhere.” the mouth attached to those hands stated.  _ Yes, I heard this argument earlier. I still think you're right, except Toph wants us to get to the 'nearest' launching point and unless you want to portage across forested back-country, I'd say let's go with Minquan.  _ But since thoughts aren't words, I used words. “And we have an army.” and I pointed at the Dai Li agent who was silently hiding in the corner, who, when pointed to like a singled out child, turned his head slightly because... _ why are you eating berries? Or are they grapes?  _ Eitherway, he was having lunch and was using a rock glove sticking into a wall as a kind-of-but-not-really bowl. Why didn't he just pull a piece of rock out of the wall? I guess he prefers scooping berries,  _ or are they grapes _ , out of a hand. Also, something something Imperial Property and I know that the Dai Li  _ respect  _ such things, unlike certain eggs and their egg-friends. “Your Majesty, we lack any scouts.” the Captain,  _ no not her _ , protested, logically. So I used my own logic. Experience. Whiskey-fueled experience. “Didn’t stop us at...like half the battles I’ve fought.” and I began counting the battles off on my fingers. Or, I was going to but then he interrupted,  _ not really a interruption if he doesn't know you're thinking with your mind _ , “Your Majesty, it’s wise to dispatch scouts.” and he tried doing the  _ I’m begging you to follow my advice so I get credit  _ bow, obviously forgetting that part of the bow implies replacing 'I'm begging  _ you'  _ with 'Please, Your Majesty...' But we were interrupted by trivial nonsense, as we often are.  _ We? Ha. I _ so often am... 

“So, mister Dai Li agent, can you control those rock gloves while eating?” the Avatar asked, removing his gaze from the rock glove and looking up at the conical hat. The agent acted completely unaware of the Avatar's prescense, and continued eating berries.  _ Remember, act natural. Or...wait no you're Dai Li 'natural' means to kill people with an assortment of rock-glove based tricks...act like a man who is pretending not to be bothered _ . The Avatar's grey eyes tracked the man's face into places even  _ I  _ couldn't see.  _ Right, right, of course, I can't see many things, like distance _ . Point aside, he said “You have really brown eyes.” The agent pulled his hat down to block his eyes. “Can you control your rock gloves with your mind? Can you? Can you?” the Avatar asked like a curious child, whizzing around the solitary agent to look at him from every possible angle he could. Even above, with the help of an air-hop. “These rock gloves are intricate” and he poked one of the rock gloves, accidentally sticking a hole in it where the knuckle of the pointer finger is supposed to be.  _ Because...he's the Avatar and can earthbend, even if he chooses not to.  _ The agent took the berries out of the other rock glove, tapped the wall and made a small platform to rest them on.  _ Okay so maybe the 'Imperial Property' thing isn't true, but that platform is so small it's not like he's doing that much harm.. _ . After doing this, he calmly,  _ calmly  _ stated “Avatar, please don’t do that.” The Avatar replied much like Ty Lee would, “Okay”, then he walked over to me. This whole time, an egg of an idea was in my head. It cracked and cracked as the Egg Lord tried to distract and distract,  _ or maybe he's acting natural, who knows _ , before bursting as this small child with the power to wipe out entire civilizations at his fingertips approached me. 

“Avatar, you have a flying bison” I stated, seriously and nobly. So he responded playfully and cheery. “I do, Appa’s the best." I continued in my formal voice while resting a hand on the map. “And we need a scout.” Suki? I know I don't normally mention what she's doing, but she was still eating berries. It didn't bother me as much as the Avatar stating “But I’m going to Ba Sing Se-” but he, in turn, was interrupted,  _ how terrible _ , because  _ I _ didn’t want to be bothered by this. “And so are-” I paused,  _ choose your words carefully, you don't want to let him go free, take advantage of the circumstance! _ , “-listen, I don’t want useless tension as a result of ‘I’m doing one thing and you’re doing another.’" I did the finger-point at him, since I've seen Katara do that before and if his girlfriend can do it, why not-  _ okay Pu-On Tim, I get it, you're taking this way out of context _ ... "You’re our scout.” and I turned away from him to point at the Dai Li agent who was somewhere above me on the ceiling. “Give the Avatar whatever provisions he needs.” then I turned to my handful-holding, berry-chomping Suki and said “and go inform the others of their change of plans.” “Your Earthliness…” he rubbed the back of his shiny head, “I was already going to offer myself as a scout. I was going to say ‘I’m going to Ba Sing Se too, we can help each other out.” and he laughed like  _ Imperial security matters are some kind of joke _ . Everyone in the room went "Oh" either verbally, like myself, or metaphorically, like the Imperial Army Captain-of-this-Train. Except Suki, because she was eating. And the ceiling, because ceilings don't talk and lack the ability to metaphor.  _ Ceilings do not talk, you are imagining things _ . 

There’s absolutely no way to plan things other than the correct way, the Imperial Way, the war plan. War plans sound amazing to draft up, an order of battle, an order of contingencies, an order of operations, an order of orders...all the paperwork's not as fun but the paperwork's not my job, so... Back to myself, I pretended this was a war plan. I pointed at the map, such is the nature of commanding, and instructed “So the Avatar will take his sky bison-” but my heroic mouth was heroically cut off by the Avatar and his childish tone and even more childish finger-raised-in-objection. “Pardon me, but his name’s Appa”  _ yes Aang, thanks for the reminder, and your name is Twinkletoes, oh and thanks for not even bothering to address me.  _ I wasn't about to submit to his wishes and continued speaking, acting like I  _ hadn't  _ been interrupted by him, “-and will take off to go scouting. The rest of us will take the train in to Minquan, where we’d either have a boat waiting or just take one. In the event of something-” I had to pause, again, to slap myself in the face. Suki's confused  _ 'why-the-slap' _ face said it all. So I said what we all knew, “I mean, who am I kidding... _ When _ something happens, the Imperial Guard will act as the train’s defense while the Dai Li will give chase to whichever moron attacked us.” Note, watching Suki eat those grapes while I spoke was making me hungry, so I took one from her hand. There’s a bowl to use, as I later learned. I sniffed it and, “Why does it smell terrible?” I had to ask the Kyoshi Warrior because  _ if this is poison...you’ve got an iron gut _ . Not that I thought it was poison...no, I just never know. Berries be like that. Grapes, not so much. “Terrible?” she said, surprised. “It smells like dirty socks.” I told her, smelling the berry again. She crossed her arms and explained, matter-of-factly, “No, you just haven’t taken a shower.” I placed the berry on the bowl that some attendant,  _ thank you, attendant, I will never get to thank you but subconsciously you make my life that much better _ , brought out for me. Then I raised my hands and went “Hey, hey, Her Imperial Majesty has  _ commanded-"  _ the emphasis was demanded, "-me to maintain a ‘protective layer of earth’ at all times of day, night, and that weird in between part!” I said the direct Imperial Edict codified part, on protective layers of earth, like my life depended on it. Aang found this exchange funny and got some hearty chuckles from it. “In between?” he inquired, in between laughs.  _ You know...twilight _ . Suki pretended to be offended. “Oh I’m so sorry, Your Majesty. I didn’t mean to offend the mutual bond between you and Her Imperial Majesty.”  _ okay, you get a berry tossed at you for that _ . I tossed a berry at her, she parried it with a single finger, causing it to fly itself into a wall and fall to the ground.

Intermission, by means of dinner: Out of  _ nowhere  _ the Avatar's furry flying lemur friend popped into my viewing range, only to try to grab at this  _ one  _ berry and have it accidentally be flicked out of the room. This critter took to giving chase to the berry, running -instead of flying, because...why no- back out of the doorway. Some Dai Li agent used a rock glove to push the door shut. When the Avatar's eyebrows inquired as to why, he justified it with "This is a private conversation, no animals allowed" in his stone voice. Dinner-based intermission over.

“Does that war plan make sense?” I tried resuming the conversation. The officer looked at me like I’d lost the last of my mind, maybe I had, so I turned to Suki and went “did that war plan make sense?” She swallowed the berry that she had been playing with using her tongue and nodded. “Send the Avatar to scout, have the Imperial Guard stay on the defensive, dispatch the Dai Li on counterattacks.” I had to admit, for all she was preoccupied with food, she was on it. “That’s right.” She sprung her trap, her eyebrow raise, her... “And what about the Kyoshi Warriors?”  _ Oh right, I forgot about you girls _ .  _ Note to self, why did I forget my own bodyguards? _ “I...maybe help defend me?” I proposed. She rolled her eyes. “We already do, that’s boring.” So I clicked my tongue while pondering, out loud, “What if I theoretically ask about going on the offensive?” “Then you’d be theoretically asking, Your Majesty”  _ thanks Sukes _ . I then realized I was thinking out loud, so I corrected myself “But I’m actually asking. I want to go on the offensive.” Her voice changed from skepticism to optimism. “Why didn’t you say so? Count us in!” she said, probably that Kyoshi blood coursing through her veins again.  _ Like it always does _ . 

That plan got the old  _ stamp _ and was distributed to the officers, all what,  _ five?  _ of them aboard this vehicle. After all, there may be nobody above Her Imperial Majesty, and mountains themselves may kowtow to her, but those mountains don’t know how to file paperwork. One of the many downsides of being on a mobile platform, not much of an ability to copy messages. Which is fine, there’s not that many of us. 

With our plan done, I walked back to Toph’s quarters and “now, Sleep time!” she announced, chucking a pillow at my face and missing because the wall to my right is not my head,  _ also she slid a little bit on the throw and her aim was off _ . I’ll never know how with just her hearing she hears  _ me  _ from all the silent people clinging to the ceiling. Maybe it’s because I’m the only one who ever enters this room using the door. I don’t know. Maybe she just hones in on my  _ smooth  _ Kyoshi Islander voice. Maybe I'm just too loud and annoying and  _ obnoxious.  _ Anyways,  _ right right, of course, you wanted me to do that sleep time earlier...then I spoke to the Avatar, and the dating lessons, and also some other short events that did not take more than a few moments to do. Yup.  _ She grabbed me with a rock glove -which she really didn’t need to do- and pulled me over to the bed. She released the rock glove while saying “Kyoshi, don’t tell me you’ve got  _ more  _ things to do.” “I don’t.” and I tried my best to get to my feet to bow. Hard to do with my chest halfway on the bed and my knees rubbing on the ground. “Good, because I’m tired of being tired.” and she yawned, because as she said, she was tired. Of being tired.  _ If she says it, it’s law. _ “And what, now you want to practice your seismic sense?” I said while getting on the bed to, intentionally, lie down. Intentionally for once. “Kyoshi, you know me!” and she summoned one of her  _ real _ hands and grabbed my right shoulder.

“Kyoshi, you’re going to want to pull off your clothes” she said while taking what was a lavish bluish-green sash, pulling it off with all her nonbending might, and tossing it off the bed.  _ Is there a way you could say that without making me scared the Avatar might show up? Or say it in a way that won't inspire a hundred Pu-On Tim plays.  _ “Maybe in future, say ‘please remove your clothes so I can practice my seismic sense on you?” I asked, a mix of seriousness and  _ I hope you’re not serious  _ competing in my tone. “That’s too many words. Do the face down thing.” she grabbed the back of my head and 'assisted' with pressing my face into a pillow. A cushioned pillow that was soft and feathery. “Will this hurt like last time?” I asked while my Imperial Informal Robe was pulled off of me with but a  _ little _ Imperial 'assistance.' “Only if you want to” she said with that voice that sounded like it’d be accompanied by a grin. I  _ felt  _ the grin. As I once said to her, 'I'm looking forward to this. Not the sores.' to which she waved her hand in front of her face and I slapped my own.. “Can I watch?” I asked, protesting my lack of visual involvement- but even my own statements were interrupted by  _ hammerfist to the back! _

So Toph has this...activity she loves doing. Other women,  _ believe me, I grew up on Kyoshi Island _ , have more...normal hobbies. They might become proficient fighters as Kyoshi Warriors,  _ no that's not a hobby that's an obligation...  _ They might go fishing, run, hike, swim, paint, sing, sew beautiful quilts, sew less-good quilts, challenge one another to dares, learn the ways of the herbalist, and so on. Toph? “Seismic Sense Training.” What  _ is  _ Seismic Sense Training, and did I make up the name? To answer the second one first, yes. And the first one:

Nobody appreciates the sensation of touch more than the Blind Bandit. I'm quite aware of Pu-On Tim's invasive borderline omniscent knowledge and how he'll take the words 'appreciate' and 'touch' to confuse Her Imperial Majesty with Ty Lee. At some point while enjoying the comforts of being a blind earthbending prodigy who has almost no flaws and can do  _ anything  _ she sets her mind to regardless of her own limitations, whether it's inventing a new form of bending or ruling a continent-sized Empire, she realized that it is the touch of hand or foot to earth which grants her this immense power.  _ No, you idiot, she learned this before becoming the greatest earthbender of the age. That's why she's the greatest earthbender, she understands the earth in ways others cannot. She sees where others don't. Like you. Because you're missing an eye.  _ Now, her abilities were formerly restricted to pure contact with earth. In many regards, they still are. Wood? She can't handle that. Boats? Not a fan as much as us Kyoshi Islanders.  _ Yes, I see the pun with my one good eye _ . That said, she also had nobody to practice with or on, clarification necessary, back in Gaoling. For her earthbending, she has the Imperial Guards and the Dai Li. People who can duel her in pairs, will get beat up in pairs, but will put up a good fight. When they dare to. When she taunts them enough. When she commands them to. And they can also metalbend, varying from rudimentary to Wuhan, who can do funny stuff  _ -not so funny for the men being cut down-  _ with his mostly metallic  _ dao _ . But, you didn’t ask, when she sleeps on a bed, her senses are reduced. That’s quite correct, you who did not ask. She can alleviate her lack of earth contact with her hearing. After spending a year sharing a bedroom with her, she’s become accustomed to my regular heartbeat. Or my specific footsteps. Or maybe she gets a silhouette of me. I’ve never asked because it’s not my business. It's not that I'm not curious, I'm just used to it. She might as well  _ not  _ be blind. The only time it's apparent is when she chooses to address it, see, sight-related jokes, or boats. Or me pointing at something. Or talking to her and she's not looking,  _ ha _ at me. Or when we the Imperial Court Painter did one of many paintings of the two of us and she turns away from the Painter because she's busy picking her nose or something. 

So why am I going without a Robe for this...training, if I could call it that? It’s in the touch. When I lie there, she puts a hand, the full palm, on my skin. And she leaves it there for as long as she wants. When I was first introduced to this peculiar daily routine, I used to talk during it. She’d reprimand me for making even a single peep. Something about the most minor change in one's pulse being detectable. She'd reprimand me for being nervous, she'd reprimand me for 'thinking' too much about certain things, she'd reprimand me for being tickled, she'd reprimand me for...well she's Her Imperial Majesty. To all those who have her as an instructor: I know what it feels like to have the smallest thing be nitpicked for  _ so, so  _ long. And when you  _ finally  _ get the correction, it's on to something else. Except you can sit in stance forever. It's hard to lie still while her delicately callused fingers tickle me. Even harder to not try and come up with a witty remark about Pu-On Tim. Later on, when I internalized her corrections -only after  _ so  _ much teaching-screaming- I learned it’s because “when you’re quiet, I can focus on listening to every little drum and beat of yours.” The way she says it implies I'm a marching band. I'm not. But she's able to feel blood being pumped in an ebbing and flowing pattern that, any who know the tides will intuitively understand, and anyone else...it sounds weird. It does seem quite weird to an outsider,  _ namely a certain Avatar _ , who is bound to stumble in uninvited and unannounced to her private chamber while the two of us are in our undergarments. And compared to Kyoshi Island, it  _ is _ weird. But it's also very...Toph. Learning about something that  _ nobody  _ else knows or thinks about. Having the lack of restrictions, just as nothing stops her from ruling, nothing stops her from spending all day and night leaving her hand on my back or shoulder or chest. Setting out to a goal and  _ seeing  _ it through. 

She ran a finger up and down my back, searching for the slightest changes. Like an artist constantly reexamining his art for imperfections. Except I’m not a painting. I’m a person. Don’t tell her that. She claims “by holding on to you I can use you as a base for my seismic sense.” The rest of us don’t get her lie-detection. We also don't have her capacity to selectively choose to be a iron-willed 'instructor' forever with absolutey no such thing as 'getting tired. Speaking of emotions, she often asks me to “go through the emotions you’d go through” as if a command like that can be followed through in any capacity. “So, what, I’m supposed to fake a genuine cry?” I may ask, with all respectful intent meant. She would then reply, including a grin I cannot see due to my face being one-with-the-pillowkind, “Or I can hit you with a large rock gauntlet until you actually cry." _Right, right, of course._ I don't want to joke because she might summon a rock gauntlet and lightly tap me in my fragile, fragile bones. I doubt she would, but she's not to be underestimated, as everyone from Lao Beifong to Fire Lord Ozai would agree. Apparently, the more times I act a certain way while she’s holding my back or chest or leg, the better she gets at guessing emotions. Why she keep asking “are you feeling _oogies_ ” is beyond me. It's even stranger because there's no way to 'read' her face for seriousness or sarcasm and 'oogies' is an emotion. I think. That said.. _._ No? I enjoy going numb from the lack of movement as much as anyone else. Upon rethinking it, _note, no such thing as overthinking_ _something_ , it’s a mix of “I’m going to aggravate you into a different emotion so I learn how to sense lies on such a intricate level that I’m the best earthbender of all time, also I’m the best earthbender of all time!” and a statement that was the uttered for the sake of a joke. Or something. I’m not wise enough to understand the multiple interpretations. Or she can read me on a deeper level than even I. Or maybe the sleep-deprivation that usually precedes and antecedes these sessions gets to me. 

By the time she’s done running a finger up and down, back and forth, for what feels like all of time, my queue is  _ always  _ undone. Take this session. The tingling sensation of ‘ _ do not move a muscle’ _ made me forget to notice her other hand twisting fingers through hair I spent longer than I’ll ever admit ensuring perfection from. Like a Imperial Guard Battalion, I expect nothing less than perfection in every single strand.  _ People aren't strands. Oh who cares, the analogy works _ . When I returned to the world of the conscious,  _ all it took was a light hammerfist to the lower back, thank you Toph _ , I tried moving my hands but “no” her voice commanded, and she caught them, followed by a “you’ll want to roll over first.” So I did. I received a shoulder punch for..surviving? I don't know. Maybe she wanted to check that I was still alive. Hard to check the heartbeat of a dead person. Also, I double as a usable pillow.

So I was facing the ceiling. Or rather, a young Earth Empress sitting on a soft blanket with her legs crossed and her hair falling all over the place. And in one of her hands, a clump of  _ auburn hair. Okay so that's why my hair feels ever so slightly tugged upon _ . “Toph, did you take apart my queue?” I asked the world's most obvious question behind 'is this a question?'.  _ No, genius, she took someone else's auburn queue _ . Her response? Her  _ mature, yup, definitely mature,  _ response? “I liked your braid, Kyoshi. Remember, it's part of my training!” and she said the next part in some kind of wise-mentor-who-dies-at-the-beginning-of-the-Imperial-Archive-folktale voice “requires I feel your hair to allow a connection." This was followed by my silence, which was followed by her breaking into laughter as she tugged on my hair and enjoyed the feel of it. Because...while the whole “I’m a base for her seismic sense” has some bearing in logic, even if it’s as grounded as an airbender, this is total nonsense. I would expect nothing more, or funnier. What's life without your Empress stealing some of your hair? “Can  _ I  _ have  _ my  _ hair back?” I asked while my left hand collected the mess of nearby once-a-queue hair and my right began an intense duel with hers. By duel I mean I reached out to grab her hand and pull my hair out of her hand. “No. I’m the Empress. Your hair belongs to me. Muahahaha”. The last part, I thought it was necessary to include that as a precedent to laugh. Because she laughed at it. “When will I get my hair back?” I asked, trying to tear her fingers off my hair. So she tightened her grip on my hair with one hand while the other grabbed my hand and tried to toss it out the window. Sadly for her, it just slumped, I played into her counter, to my side.  _ “When _ I feel like giving it back” she declared, successfully, and she tugged -  _ note, ow _ \- on it. Nothing like possessing hair to complement your carpet of pretty,  _ by pretty I mean pretty dirty, of course _ , black hair, right? 

There’s nothing wrong with it. I spend lots of time ensuring her hair is in the cleanest dirt-filled bun I can. Or combing her hair. Or giving comments about it. Or watching it fall about in total chaos. Or bed hair. Oh, bed hair. Who knew all that tossing and turning because her pillow moved  _ just a bit  _ too far is enough to cause  _ so much bed hair _ ... I have  _ no  _ idea  _ who  _ gets  _ his  _ hands caught in that hair, falling asleep combing it. I also have no idea  _ who  _ puts some of that hair in my hands while I sleep so I wake up holding it. With all this in mind, it’s only fair that she spends the amount of time  _ she  _ wants to enjoy my hair. There's probably many reasons. It's not her hair, so tugging on it doesn't bother her. Playing with it is far more entertaining than a mere toy because this hair has a person attached to it, and of course, nothing like waking up and upsetting your pillow because  _ for some reason  _ most of his hair is clutched in your hands, or stuck between his chest and your head, or one of any possible places. Oh, and there’s another reason. “Kyoshi, how do you get your hair so soft?” she’d ask.  _ It’s called a shower.  _ Then she’d go ahead and take a bunch of hair and pet it because “soft things are nice. Like Qiang!” She’s not wrong. Soft things  _ are  _ nice. It's why we take showers. As she tumbled and turned, treating my hair like some kind of rope that she could coil, I thought to try fighting back. “Take this!” and I caught some of her hair.  _ And now it was a hair duel _ . And yes, she  _ is  _ the Empress of Ten Thousand Years. And this is what she does for fun. Aside from impaling bad men with earth spikes. Or metalbending. Or getting licked by Lord Qiangyang.

At least, it _was_ fun until Suki shouted “Your Majesties, the Avatar-” but got cut off by the door getting blasted open with airbending. Toph snapped out of her- _wait is she actually smiling, what is this, a dream? -_ and pulled the blanket over the two of us. An involuntary reaction. A safety measure from past times when the two of us weren't as clothed, _that's called a back massage, Avatar._ “Good afternoon, Your Earthlinesses!” I heard him say from somewhere, probably next to the door. Now the two of us were submerged in covers, _and, no, Toph I can’t see in the dark,_ we ended up literally butting heads. _Slam bang smash, words!_ “Twinkletoes! Get out!” the darkness to my right yelled...I mean, yelled is an understatement. Her privacy was invaded. I know, I know, this is the same Empress whose first act of rule was to tear off her clothes and sit on a golden chair, naked. But she's still got a greater sense of privacy than anyone else. Unlike us, she has no idea when someone is or isn't looking at her, if she's not connected to the earth. _My privacy was also comprimised but I accept that the Avatar will show up as he wishes_. I was more concerned about his companions than him, “where’s Katara and Sokka?” I spoke to the blanket. “Loading up Appa” the young man’s voice said while a gust of wind threatened to blow our cover. Quite literally. So I grabbed the blanket and tried to wrap it and myself around Toph. If it's going to go, I'd rather me than her. “Your Holiness, we aren’t wearing pants.” was about the most formal, polite, way of describing our current nonsensical attempt to duel one another with hair. That Avatar, being an egg and also not being Katara, spoke back with “That’s fine! Sometimes, I choose not to as well!” _Oh Kyoshi, grant me a thousand daofei blades._ My hands eventually found a figure, and one of those hands found a face, I pulled myself up to said face and...was cut off by her saying “no Kyoshi, now’s not a good time for oogies! There’s never a good time for oogies except sometimes when I have a _really_ fun dream-” I didn't make her stop talking, my mind just stopped paying attention. She can't disgust me even further if my mind is elsewhere. Also _time for another bridge-pinch. This is too much._ Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, she didn’t toss me out. _Either because she knew I wasn’t going to do anything that violates the Imperial Oogie Laws which exist because why wouldn’t they? Or she was joking. Or I was overthinking this. Let's not think too hard, thinking hurts_. “Can you sense him?” I whispered. “No” and she grabbed my cheeks and redirected my sight to the ground, _ouch_ , “I’m on a soft mattress.” _Not we, you? Am I on a hard mattress? Also, did you need to do that? Well of course you did you're Toph, but...see my point? Neither do I._ “Want me to make your problems disappear?” I whisper-asked while the Avatar was...hopefully out of earshot. Guess who wasn’t? The Ceiling Dai Li. “Right away, Your Majesty!” and a pair of agents, because it’s always a pair, probably fell from above us -otherwise they wouldn't be the Ceiling Dai Li they'd be the Dai Li- and got to the sides of the Avatar. In my deepest, blanket-means-deep, voice I could muster, “Avatar, please leave.” He didn't hear me. So I stopped whispering. "Avatar! Please, leave!" _That did it._ “Okay. I’ll go scouting. We’ll be back one day.” he said, blissfully unaware of the two rock glove men who have gone too long without a good rock-based action. _One day? Not today?_ I asked the sheets, or maybe I was facing Toph, I felt her breathing on my face, so I think it was her.“What’s that supposed to mean?” His rehearsed sounding response? “Who knows, maybe a typhoon will strike." _Note: Avatar, you’re a walking hurricane. Please. You can fight a_ _typhoon_. I continued my questioning. “Can you get back by tonight?” “I’ll try. I’ve got a lot of scouting to do” and knowing him he bowed to the pile of sheets before air-scootering himself out. But whatever fancy flying technique he used blasted our blanket off us, revealing the two of us in all of our ‘I’m attempting to be a blanket, ignore me’ glory. And by 'I'm' I mean I. Because Toph was just lying there, pretending to not be a person and instead a stone. Oh, and she managed to wrangle _even more_ of my hair. _You...opportunist_.

_ A lot of scouting? Where are you going to do ‘a lot of scouting,’ Omashu?  _ The pair of Ceiling Dai Li helped the young blind woman and the idiotic Consort grab their blankets and put them where blankets belong. On a bed. Fully covering us. I thanked them for the two of us. “Thank you, pair of agents whose names I don’t know.” “Ten Thousand Years!” one said, the other nodded.  _ No ‘you’re welcome?’ And you, other guy, no 'Ten Thousand Years?'.  _ As they ascended back to their perches, I looked over at Her Hair-Everywhere Majesty, then my hair, then the ceiling.  _ Wait a moment… _ “Agents-” and the two dropped back from their enjoyable places of rest. Both stuck the landing, as you do. “Yes, Your Majesty?” the talkative one talked. I asked what I wanted to ask. “Were you two  _ listening  _ to everything the two of us said...earlier?” The older one, or he had grey hair so I assume older, gulped. The younger one was all  _ I’m-idealistic  _ and admitted “yes, we heard everything.” I would've rolled my eye if I, one, could do that, and two, wasn't busy locking on to the two agent's chins since that was all of their faces that I could look at. “Even all the possibly taken-out-of-context comments?” I asked an extremely specific question. “Yes, even whatever those are” the younger agent replied.  _ Where’s my blade? _ Wait...no, before I could get annoyed, I opted to remind them of the rules. “According to...what, the tenth rule of the Dai Li? You can’t just invade my personal space.” Then the older one corrected me with “it’s not the tenth rule, and our lips are sealed.”  _ Which is why you’re talking _ . “Pretend you never heard us” was all I could say. I wasn't going to kill them...just, I don't know, think of a on-the-spot reprimand? Private, non-Pu-On-Tim talk is not for people, or Pu-On Tim. The agents nodded. Toph? She didn’t care. Or didn't seem to. “They want to listen in, they can listen in.” and she raised her hands in defense of lack-of-care. I tried to defend the two of us. “But, Your Majesty, our business is ours” So she did what Toph does, not best, but okay-ish. Using words. “Hey, I once decided to sit naked on that holy Badgermole Throne. Nobody cared then.”  _ I mean... _ “We  _ did  _ have all those assassination attempts and the First Noble Purge as results of it.” I tried donating some historical context to, oh who am I kidding, I can’t dissuade Toph from anything. “First? You mean only.” she said while crossing her arms.  _ I meant first. Because it’s never time for oogies and always time to rid ourselves of traitors _ . She’s right. The Dai Li don’t spill secrets, and I  _ might  _ be treating Her Majesty’s enjoyment of Seismic Sense Training like some kind of scandalous activity. It’s not. Also, I often forget that everywhere I go, there’s a pair of Dai Li watching me.  _ Oh, Aang and Katara, you’ll have fun in Ba Sing Se.  _ Finally, I am forced to visualize the...things that Pu-On Tim has done in the name of art. And those things make me require a Clear Whiskey. 

After letting Toph finish her, as she calls it, 'sleep time', sleep not included, I was granted leave to go do other, less exciting, things. Like putting on my Imperial Armor. Which for some reason smells like flowers.  _ I should probably get that checked _ . Or grabbing a bow and a quiver. Or marching up and down the halls, pointing at random people and pretending I knew where they belonged.  _ I know where you belong! You belong in the Imperial Army! Sign up today! All it takes is one or two months of service, also known as the rest of your life!  _ Or bringing the Beifong’s ancestral blade, still unnamed, back to the Beifong in the bedroom.  _ Note, terrible name for a children’s story. Great name for a folk tale. “The Beifong in the Bedroom”. _ Sounds like a short story of...something something oogies something something Gaoling. Anyways, she felt the blade from a distance, a few Consort's feet, and commanded “Bring it over!” with her ' _ I'm ordering you'  _ voice. I did, I unsheathed it, then reminded her that the pointy parts could cut her in two. She understood and ran her hand down the middle instead. Because...if the pointy ends hurt, the parts  _ right next to the pointy ends  _ won't do that, right? As long as nobody makes a sudden move. Nobody as in the two of us, the Dai Li can move all they want. “It’s...it’s space rock.” she murmured, a hint of pride in her voice.  _ It is space rock.  _ “Space rock is the best rock” she wasn't afraid to let that pride out.  _ I suppose it is _ . “It’s the same color as your hair. Not as sharp, just as nice to play with.” I tried throwing in a compliment. I wasn't going to ask for a blush as a result, but...-  _ bam, pillow to the face _ . 

I went to the lunchroom for the sake of visiting people who don’t tug on my hair and sleep on my chest and treat me like a pillow and a footrest,  _ note, I'm fine with doing all that, but it gets tiring _ .  _ Maybe that's the point _ . The seats were almost fully packed with Dai Li and Imperial Guards. And a few Kyoshi Warriors dotted in the midst. They stood and did their kowtows, chanting “Ten Thousand Years!” as usual. I went up to the place where one of the Gaoling household staff were putting out food and grabbed a handful of some kind of jerky. Jerky’s great. I...,  _ you know what, _ after spending an entire morning having an amazing young woman run her hands up and down me like I’m an instrument and toy with my hair, I needed...peace and quiet. Not peace, peace is dumb. Peace is just 'not war'. Peace is when we do all the political backstabs. It's not called 'making war' because everything is a war. Peace is just not open war. Deep thinking aside, I needed peace in a private sense. 

I went back to the room next to Her Imperial Majesty’s. It’s supposed to be the Consort’s bedroom but Her Majesty insists I sleep with her every night. And by insist I mean it’s become normal for us to sleep together. I’m her pillow, she’s...she’s the Empress and there’s no higher privilege. No really, there isn't. As nobody used this room, it’s empty and there are no attendants to bother me, I could meditate in some semblance of peace and quiet. This room also had windows facing the east -because of the direction of the train- and a large bed. I sat down on the bed and meditated. I thought of Kyoshi and her many duels. I prayed to my ancestors, just as everyone else does. And I sat, quietly. Contemplating the inevitable battle. Because we were in Huizhou and in a carriage. When I heard the train come to a sudden stop, I jumped off my bed. By the time a Dai Li agent came running, shouting “we’re under attack!” I had already ran inside Toph’s room and drew my bow. Toph jumped off her position of...just lying there, at some point choosing to put on her wrestler outfit, hair bracelet, and do her hair into a bun. She cracked her knuckles and smirked. No words need be exchanged. 

_ Let’s do this, you daofei scum _ .

A window and the wall beneath it were smashed with a boulder. “Wall?”, a quick request of mine. She nodded. One foot stomp, and the thin walkway between the foot of the bed and the opposite cabinet was walled off. “There’s a lot of them out there” she whispered. I nocked an arrow. _Nock. Draw._ There were sounds of screaming and blades clashing further down the train. But I wasn't going to leave. _This_ is where I fight. She stomped the ground and I spotted a figure somewhere out there get sent flying upwards. The Dai Li fell behind us and raised their gloves in sequence. No bows, no need for it. She went straight to a commanding tone, “Get to the roof” and she gestured to the agents behind her to go up, then go around, then go down. They didn’t bow, they jumped to the ceiling, punched their way through it -no time for doors, also what kind of roof has a door?- and we heard shallow sounds as they slid about above us. We heard a mob of people yelling, loudly, “down with the tyrant!” and our windows were smashed with... _bottles?_ Some kind of bottle that was on fire. Accompanied by earth columns that broke the base of the wall. Toph broke boulders as they entered, hitting the ground and sending earth pillars back at her opponents. Someone else was sent flying. Others screamed like they were just impaled with earth spikes. I got on the bed, staying by the headrest. A more...tactical position. I heard...a chariot? A chariot came running by, I spotted the charioteer and _thwicked_ an arrow into his head. _Got him_. But someone from his chariot threw a bottle. A aimed bottle that entered through a smashed window and flew across the room, to my left, and broke against the ground Toph was standing on. _Her_ _ground_. Glass shards were sent flying. A fire had consumed the ground she stood on. I dropped my bow and dived off the bed, my goal? Toph. It was too late. She fell backwards.

She  _ stumbled _ .

“He burned my feet!” she cried, angrily. I landed on the ground and didn’t feel the fire. I didn’t notice it as it licked my leather boots. I didn’t notice the glass when I reached down to grab Toph and ended up impaling my left hand with pieces of glass. Didn't notice the fire that scorched my sword-hand as I picked her  _ up _ . Didn’t matter. I grabbed her with one hand and slung her over my shoulder. “Hold on” I yelled. But she didn’t need the instructions. She grabbed me like I’ve never been grabbed before. She grabbed me like someone who  _ was  _ blind. “My feet!” And her voice had a panic I’ve never heard before. It was surreal. “Don’t let go, Kyoshi! That musky smell, that’s all I have to know it’s you!” and I felt her tearing up. I opened the door with the hand that was full of glass. Some of those shards stuck themselves further inside me. I didn't care. “Never, ever, stop smelling like musky sweaty spruce moss. That’s...that’s an Imperial Order! I really, really, really like that musky sweaty spruce moss!” she shouted into my ear, shouted like a immature girl...and I didn’t laugh. I just held her as tightly as I could with my free hand while she squirmed about. Writhed about like someone who didn't know what was happening. I  _ felt  _ her tremble with every step of mine, as every...moment...passed. Those moments couldn't pass quick enough, could they? I backed down the hallway, only to bump into Suki. A single bump made Toph yell even more. “Not the feet!” Suki didn’t need words. She saw the flame-kissed feet and the blood and...all of it. She didn't see my hand. “I’ll take her.” and I tried to hand the lightweight Earth Empress to Suki, who grabbed her with both hands and held on to her. “I’ll counterattack, you defend her?” I asked, feeling for my scabbard with my off-hand. “Got it” was her confirmation. "You  _ keep her safe _ ?" and she nodded.  _ You better _ . "Kyoshi!” the Lady of Gaoling cried out. Her intent was unknown. The sounds of clashing metal overtook all.

I made it out of the living room entrance and drew my blade. That left hand...numb. The adrenaline was kicking in. Outside, the Imperial Guard had formed a semicircle earth wall around the entrance and were, in sync, pressing it further and further out. It seems like any  _ daofei  _ that tried jumping into the wall would get their faces smashed with earth discs. Smashed and broken into pieces. Reaching the ground, I heard a distinctive growl.  _ Can it be?  _ “Lord Qiangyang!” I shouted in the direction of the growl, towards the back of the carriage. A deep grumble responded. “Lord Qiangyang! To me! Guards, clear a path!” and six Imperial Guards pressed through the right flank of the earth wall, summoning their own and forming a clear corridor for me to run through. The poor  _ daofei,  _ looters and criminals that they are, were often killed by smashing by gigantic earth walls pulled out of the ground. I spotted more of these glass bottles. They appeared to be whiskey bottles, lit on fire, and tossed at defenders. Then a beast roared and it was as if the entire battlefield went silent for a moment. The earth wall the Imperial Guard in front of me was building was plowed through by the massive badgermole's snout. The Imperial Guard bowed to him. Even in this, a moment of respect. “Lord Qiangyang!” I said, running up to the animal and petting him on the snout. He gave me a lick,  _ I’m glad you’re in a good mood. _ He lowered his talon, as he always does, to let the 'stupid nonbender' climb on to his saddle. 

It’s not a saddle, it is a carpet tossed over his back. He had no reins. He had no markings to distinguish him from a regular badgermole. Because his friend does not 'rein' in her friends. She asks nicely. And he responds, as a companion would. She does not need to 'control' him, for they are kin in many regards. He may not appear different from any other badgermole. But he was Lord Qiangyang, and my voice was only second in familiarity to his Empress’s. “Qiang” I said, softly, while petting his neck. I glanced my left hand.  _ That’s bloody _ . “Qiang.” I said, nicely. He growled. “May I ask you to help me eliminate Her Imperial Majesty’s enemies?” I had to avoid sounding rude, for he hated rudeness almost as much as he loved Her Imperial Majesty. He growled happily and I  _ suddenly realized I have no idea how to control this thing _ . I'm sorry for saying 'thing', I meant badgermole. Wielder of the Mandate...of Adorableness.

“Do you know who our friends are?” and I saw him raise his talon to about Toph’s height.  _ Toph, who is currently going through...so much. Suki, keep her safe, please _ . “Make a right. Go right.” he took his talons and slowly turned himself to the right.  _ I won’t get anywhere at this rate _ . “Can’t you go any faster, your Empress is in pain!” I said, in distress. Because her pain hurts me, just as mine hurts her. This made his blood boil and he walked forward at, comparatively, high speed. We went through the Imperial Guard’s 'light' perimeter wall, it's a ten foot high earth wall, and...I was suddenly in the middle of a battlefield. He was a fast learner. A  _ daofei  _ poked him with a spear, so he cut the man’s chest open with a talon swipe. His talon was as sharp as a katana. Then he brought both hands together and caused all the ground in a straight line ahead of us to become a wave of rising columns.  _ Daofei  _ were sent flying. Those columns tumbled over and crushed yet others. Every motion of his was another  _ wave  _ as the earth itself buckled to the original master. 

Around me, a battle was transpiring. A chariot took a earth column between the ostrich horses and the wooden platform, causing the riders to be sent tumbling into the dirt. A boulder was pulled out of the ground and  _ combined  _ with those charioteers. A  _ daofei  _ crossbowman was crushed by one of Lord Qiangyang’s boulders. Another was crushed by his palm. Nearby,  _ daofei  _ were launching these fire explosives, these whiskey bottle bombs, at Dai Li. And the Dai Li? This was  _ practice _ for them.

The Dai Li dodged every earth boulder, they skated up every earth column, they reappeared behind the  _ daofei _ , and needless to say the killing potential of their rock gloves. One pair of agents gave chase to one of a dozen of these...chariot-like vehicles traversing the plains. They skated after the vehicle, dodging boulder shots from the defending passenger and bender of this three-man chariot. Driver, bender, passenger. One agent hit the driver with a single rock glove, pulling him off the chariot and making the vehicle coachless. The driver? His neck was snapped in half. The other agent hit the right wheel with a glove. Together, the vehicle went off uncontrollably. Not that they had to worry for long. The vehicle flipped over itself with the two survivors breaking their skulls against a raised boulder. Their heads were made into a hundred pieces. Elsewhere, two pairs were encircling a band of twenty  _ daofei _ . A  _ daofei  _ would attempt to escape this...herding of koala-sheep, only to take a rock-glove to the neck, killing him instantly. Once  _ bored _ , the two pairs hit the ground in sync, crushing the remaining ten members with four earth plates falling inwards on themselves. In another case, just in front of me, a pair of Dai Li attacked a small line of crossbows. They hit the ground and sent themselves flying using earth pillars. While traversing the air like airbenders, they fell upon the crossbows. One agent caved a man’s unarmored head in with a rock glove upon landing. Another grabbed two men with two gloves before skating around and catapulting them into the rest of the line. The first grabbed one crossbowman by his arm, with rock glove, and twirled the  _ poor poor daofei _ around in a circle. First his limbs were torn off as they combined at  _ high  _ speed with other crossbows. Then his chest was brutally smashed as the other agent's rock glove went right through it. 

The Dai Li were brutal, as in the case when they snapped necks of passing  _ daofei.  _ The Dai Li were precise, as when they could catch a bender’s boulder before he launched it with one glove while the other grabbed his arm, sending him backwards. The Dai Li were efficient, no matter the engagement they entered, they won. The Dai Li were inspiring, the Imperial Guard broke their excellent earth wall lines to press forward with large area of effect surface-to-air-rock sized strikes or a volley of earth discs. Eitherway, the  _ daofei  _ crossbows couldn't hit back if they were crushed by anti-air projectiles the size of small houses. And the Dai Li were terrifying. We only had to kill a hundred of these  _ daofei  _ to cause a field of them to turn and run. Though it should be said, I think much of the credit should go to Lord Qiangyang. He would press on the ground and hit entire bands of  _ daofei  _ with boulders or pillars. Or he’d cause a fissure and cause them to vanish into a crevice. And after each one, he made the earth as smooth as before. Before I could give a personal chase, a pair of Dai Li jumped onto Lord Qiangyang. “Your Majesty, Her Imperial Majesty has ordered you to be summoned.” and they grabbed me with a rock glove each. They didn't ask, just...informed me of the summoning and did it anyways.  _ Ouch, not that hand. _ “Qiang! These two are friends! They will take me to the Empress!” I had to shout to avoid him possibly killing them. I  _ think  _ he understood because he followed me back towards the train as I was dragged past many dead, none of ours in sight,  _ good _ , and a field of weapons and broken chariot pieces. He growled, almost... _ worriedly _ , as he followed me back to the train. 

“I’m here! I’m here!” I said, pushing past a small mob of people gathered around one closet. Inside the closet, Her Imperial Majesty was writhing in discomfort while Suki and some attendants surrounded her. “Your Majesty” some of the Guard and Dai Li said, bowing in their own styles. I passed them and went inside the closet. The Empress was  _ angry _ . “All of you watching me! Out! Out!” and she punched the ground and shook the train, lightly. The mob cleared and she even closed the door itself in with earthbending from her first. But her hand was shaking to the point the earth wall barely formed. “Kyoshi! Where are you?” she called out to nothing, nobody, not facing me. I was...scared. “I’m here! I'm here! I'm here!” and I got down on my knees to hold her right hand. “We routed the  _ daofei _ and it seems like we took no casualties-” but she squeezed my hand. “Be quiet.  _ And stay with me. _ ” and she pulled my hand in even closer. I fell over, almost landing on her, only to  _ press  _ on the ground with my left hand to regain my balance. Adrenaline...thank the Spirits for that. “I’m quiet. I’m here. I’m here.” and I got in as close as we are when we sleep next to eachother. “Don’t leave. I won’t let you leave.” and she squeezed my other hand. I squealed, attracting the attention of Suki. “Did you?” but she stopped, hand-on-mouth. “I had to reach into glass to save her.” at first she shook her head dismissively, then she looked at Toph’s feet and back at me and “You’re crazy. In a good way.” I still couldn’t laugh. The pain? Sure, but...also what I was looking at. Or what I felt from the shivering, sweating Empress. 

“Your Majesties, Her Imperial Majesty’s-” one of the attendants was cut off by me. “Oh shut it nobody’s here." One of the household staff, she sounded like the herbalist, stated “ _ She _ stepped in some glass. You should...see the damage.” I leaned over to try and look but I had my hand tugged back towards Toph and her chest. “No leaving!” she said like a scared child. I couldn't leave her. I went back to lying next to her as she held my hand with both of hers. “Suki, what’s it look like?” Suki was giving me this  _ do-I-tell-you _ look, so I told her “stop hiding things.” “I think she stepped in every last piece of glass” Suki said, trying to make the situation less tense. I couldn’t focus on that, my hands were being squeezed and I kept being pulled closer and closer to Toph. “We have to remove this glass before it causes an infection. The sooner we remove it, the sooner we treat the burn.” I  _ felt  _ Toph’s slight shiver at that. I know she’s never going to admit it, so I asked “will it hurt?” for her. Suki didn't need to think twice in saying “I’m afraid it will.”  _ Okay, that’s more than a slight shiver _ .  _ You're trembling.  _ I rubbed Toph's hand in that little spot between her knuckles that she always gets itches in, to try and...ease the unease-able. For all Toph was welling up with tears, I was welling up with twice as much. I sniffled and furiously asked. “Can’t you do the green paste thing the Xinyang herbalists did to me?” Then it hit me. “Actually, just get us those two!” I called for the guard to open the door. Everyone left. Everyone but Toph and I.

“Why can’t you do it, Kyoshi?” she asked, wiping away tears and sniffling. She happened to be lying back on the stone with her feet raised by some sort of small platform with a cushion. A cushion. A  _ cushion _ . “What do you mean, why can’t I?” I asked, really unsure and  _ yes, my heart's racing _ , and she sat up -she’s quite capable of doing that- and  _ hugged  _ me. “Can’t you remove the glass?” she whispered, her voice breaking. What was I to say? I don’t make up reassurances. “Why me? I’m not trained in this”. I know what I said sounds mean, but I can’t pretend to know things I don’t know. I just...don't. “So learn. I trust you, Kyoshi” and she let me go from her hug. I thought about sitting up but got hit in the shoulder. “Do you trust Suki?” I asked, softly, while running my good hand through her hair, finding her scalp and lightly scratching it. “Captain Kyoshi? Do  _ you _ trust her?” she asked, her voice now in tatters, her cheeks teared. “I do.” I gave a small smile to the sightless room. And I took my hand and wiped away some of those tears.  _ If there’s anyone aside from Toph I trust, it’s Suki. _ “But you’re not leaving-” and she grabbed me and pulled me close. “-you’re going to stay here and make sure.” and she shook me while she had to sniffle from...all of this. “You’ll  _ make sure,  _ right Kyoshi? And you’ll be here, right Kyoshi? I want to smell your Imperial Mandated ‘protective layer of earth.’” and she let me go, wiping some fresh tears away with her palm. “I will make sure, Your Majesty. And I’ll be here. You can enjoy my inability to have taken a shower for weeks.” I didn't 'get' anything for this but I saw that mouthed 'thanks'. “Toph” I said in a much more normal-me voice, hoping to be more lighthearted. “Yes?” she asked, trying to find a comfy place to lie. I was inspired to do as the Imperial Consort is  _ to do _ . “Since getting shards of glass from your feet removed is embarrassing enough, what would be more embarrassing than...if I was your pillow for all this?” She  _ laughed _ . Sure, it was one that was mostly comprised of inhaling sniffles, but it was a laugh. “That’s a great idea, Kyoshi.” and she gave me a shoulder jab. “It’ll be just like when we sleep!” she laugh-screamed, less sniffles here.

Wuhan helped me out of my Imperial Armor. Now I was in my Imperial Informal Robe. I took a position, trying to mimic how I normally relax in the bedroom. So I'm lying down, she’s on my chest, usually she’s rolled up in a ball. And if she’s not a ball, she wraps an arm around me. Or she wraps both arms around me. I don’t know what she likes about sleeping on others  _ -others? You, just you, only you- _ but who am I to oppose her? I spent far longer than I’ll ever admit trying to work out the perfect “yes!” position for her. It ended up being similar to the usual. I was lying down nearly parallel to her. She “insisted” I untie my Imperial Informal Robe, but instead of forcing me to lie down clothless and feeling weird, she stuck her head inside the Robe. Her cold trembles and lots of sweat was a good sign she  _ needed  _ my protective layer of a robe. I don’t know if she finds safety in it, or because “I can sneeze into this!” which,  _ so what, _ I can always get another robe, or something else... I was not going to ask. I tried to keep her away from my left hand, but otherwise I ignored it's existence. My mind was focused on her every shiver. Because I quite literally felt every shiver with my own chest. I know that when I let her 'hide' in my robe she has less tension in her voice. Less fear. To us, feet are feet. To her, Suki and the herbalists were about to perform surgery on her eyes. That's exactly as...humbling as it sounds. What we take for granted... Paste or no paste, she’d feel every last action. The wall came down, the herbalists came back and were preparing their supplies. “Toph” I whispered to the inside of my clothes. “Yes Kyoshi?” she said, then quivered when she heard one of the herbalists scraping the side of a bowl. “May I undo your hair?” I asked, petting my robe with my free hand while my other lay to the side. “You know, Kyoshi..." she paused to sniffle, "I’d like that” and I felt her bring her hands up from their normal  _ I wrap my arms around you  _ to pull her hair bracelet off, hand it to me, and I placed it to the side. A few moments and another shake of hers later, I felt her hand me strands of her hair. I tapped her on the head and told her “scooch up a bit” so her head was closer to mine, because that makes whispering much easier. And, it's more of her hair for me to try and play with  _ I mean distract her  _ I mean... _ time for a hair massage!  _

“Now, we will apply the paste that will make Your Majesty’s skin  _ numb _ ” the herbalist said in a cold, calculated manner. Toph isn’t a cold calculated person. I know, I know, she's Toph. Toph is the incarnate of a badgermole who has absolutely no emotion and all that. But...when you describe her like that, she sounds like the former Fire Princess. She  _ has  _ emotion and she  _ isn't  _ some cold calculated person. She can't even do math! The way she said ‘numb’ made Toph shiver. I grabbed her hair and ran my hand through her scalp. That calmed the shaking down. As I have an eye, I got to watch their every move. I...didn't want to. I didn't  _ want  _ to know. But I had to. I knew that the moment they touched that cold paste -I know what that paste feels like- to her skin, she’d explode. “Toph” I whispered once more. A simple head nod, since she felt my fear and was, in turn, too afraid to move. “Hold still” the herbalist instructed...unaware that  _ if  _ she touched that paste to Toph's foot, this entire carriage might quake. I mustered the courage to do what I had never remembered doing before. All I could think at the time was  _ oh Kyoshi, may you approve of what I am about to do _ . Because...  _ By Kyoshi, this is not how courtship works _ ...As the herbalist took the flat-ended utensil for applying the paste and was about to apply the first of it to Her Imperial Majesty’s foot, I grabbed her head and...kissed her hair. Yes. My lips. Her hair. And Toph shook. But she didn’t scream. She actually caught herself from...I don't know how to describe her shaking that became a eerily calmness...and she went “that’s pretty oogies of you, Kyoshi.” which caused me to laugh. Inappropriately laugh. Which then caused her to laugh. Genuinely laugh. The two stone-cold herbalists had no comment. Their paste was applied. We weren't all dead. Suki flashed me a  _ I-saw-you-do-that  _ grin. I flashed her a  _ So-am-I-part-of-the-oogies-club?  _ eyebrow. “Yes, welcome to the club.” 

I didn’t have the courage to do that again. It made my heart race and not in a good way. Sure, her sudden drop in shaking was great, but...I lacked the ability. To understand how I felt in the moments after: I felt like a man stuck at trial with a bunch of different judges. Kyoshi probably approved of what I did, but how would I know? She's long gone. Suki approved, and she’s the closest we can get at the moment. I failed to inform Her Imperial Majesty of my...desire,  _ is that the right word? _ , beforehand. Such crimes are...one can be executed for less. That much was certain. Would Her Imperial Majesty have approved had she been under stable conditions? And sure, at the time I laughed at the ‘oogies’ joke because such jokes are usually funny. But maybe she was being...diplomatic? Or did she actually get a release of tension from that? Even if she did, I felt my heart skip multiple beats.  _ No. I can't do it again _ .

“Toph?” I said her name like it was a question. The answer was scrawled out under my Robe and was hugging me tightly. “Yes Kyoshi?” she said, still shaking but I didn’t hear tears in her voice. “Did you...approve...of what I did?” I could but only stutter out of fear. She aptly caught on to my inquiring “You don’t sound like you did.” As they applied more paste, Toph would squeeze me in lapses of ever-diminishing pain, which she would then let up after the paste had been applied. I'd continue rubbing her hair and her cheeks where possible. “I...what I did was executable" I stated after the application. And she  _ laughed _ . What I said made her  _ laugh _ . She laughed so hard she moved her head around and pushed my Imperial Informal Robe off. Before I could cover her again, she said “You did some oogie stuff. Oogies are oogies”. And she  _ blushed _ . She  _ blushed _ . I covered her with the Robe again, not tying it up so she’d be free to move around inside. She laughed so much that she completely ignored the rest of the paste being applied to either foot. I felt hints of shaking each time, but those must’ve been involuntarily. 

“And now, we will extract the glass pieces with these” and the herbalist drew out an entire plate full of tweezers of various lengths and, let’s say grip strength. I don't want to describe what I saw. Those were the tools of...well surgeons. Again, eye surgery. There were also two empty plates. “Should we need a further incision, we have a special knife.”  _ Oh Kyoshi.  _ I didn’t even need to say “Toph” for her to get even closer to my head and wrap her arms around my chest.  _ Note, she lay on me, face-on with my chest, back facing the ceiling. _ As for the knife-thing,  _ wait a moment… _ “We have any whiskey?” I shouted the question. The three looked at each other before Suki ran to the door and asked. Barely a moment...of tight Toph squeezing,  _ I know, I know...I know,  _ I rubbed her cheek and collected some of those tears...later, a Dai Li agent returned with a tray of four whiskey bottles -they looked like goblets with caps- on it. “Yes!” Toph shouted at the mere sound of the whiskey’s arrival. They suggested for her to roll over, she was all "Do I, Kyoshi?" to me, I nodded, then realized she can't see that and went "Yes" and she did. One herbalist leaned in with the tweezers while the other held the foot. “Drink up, Your Majesty” I wished her well. She sat up, drank up and downed an entire bottle in no time. “May I play with your hair?” she asked a strange question. “Go ahead” I said, content. My hair was never done into a queue. Not enough time. Didn't matter. I covered her with the Robes again and she pulled and wrapped my long auburn hair around her hands.  _ What are you doing to my hair?  _ The herbalist had Suki hold the foot up. She went in for the first piece and I felt Toph... _ did you just bite down on my hair? _ _ What in the name of...you?  _ I tried tugging on my hair but “mhm” and she spat it out. She...she used my hair as one of those 'bite on this' rags. Except it's hair. A large glass piece, stained with blood, was removed.  _ That’s a large...spirits that’s the size of one of Toph’s fingers.  _ “No more hair eating?” I inquired, worried that maybe she was...worried or something. So I pet her cheek while she asked “What else can I do?” I couldn't help but chuckle, this was an easy answer. “Whatever Your Majesty wants.” “ _ Sweet _ ” was her mature reply. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t sneezing, though I’m certain my clothes need to be washed after this. All that sweat had worked its way onto my hair and she was wiping her forehead sweat,  _ she's got a lot _ , onto my hair like I was some kind of rag.

The herbalists were coming back for more. “Toph” was all I had to say. Out of nowhere, she grabbed my hand in the darkness and grabbed her own hair with it.  _ Sure, sure, I’ll pet your hair. _ I petted her hair, slowly, focused on light strokes. _ Sorry, my hands kind of freaked out when you ate my hair for dinner _ . So I petted her hair and she greatly appreciated it. I even ran into the scalp, scratching her head. Another piece was removed. Another part of the battle...over. Only, however many more pieces lodging inside her feet that remain. 

“Herbalists, couldn’t you give her the paste you gave me to drink?” but either I was mis-remembering things, not the first time, or maybe they ran out of  _ that  _ paste. “We can offer her a rag to bite down on” the woman said with all the compassion of...a herbalist. I looked down at my chest and before I could even propose 'hey you can use my hair if you'd like', Toph took to... _ why are you licking my hair can you stop licking my hair that’s disgusting and weird and very...you...right.  _ I asked Her Imperial Hair-Consuming Majesty “Toph, I take it you don’t want a rag?” and I heard some laughter from down there. “No, I don’t.” and I’m sure if she could cross her arms she would. If nothing else, she was losing her scared voice and regaining the voice of the Earth Empress. Or maybe not  _ that  _ voice, but the voice of Toph, ' _ I'm the best _ '. “What about whiskey?” and I got a fist to the stomach.  _ So that’s a yes _ . My chest was laid bare for all the world to see… 

Toph’s hair all over the place, running as far down as the top of my undergarments and as far up as my neck. Lots of it was wrapped around my wrist while my hand was scratching her hair. As for her, yes, she  _ licked  _ my hair. She licked my beautiful auburn hair. I even see the spot on my chest where she enjoyed her late afternoon lunch of  _ hair,  _ the saliva reflected the yellowish light of the dozen-odd lanterns in here. Oh, and need I mention the dozens of scratches in my chest from her nail-bitten nails? A few of those, when the piece of glass was  _ nice  _ and big... she dug into my skin and drew blood. I'd much rather a hundred of her marks than all the  _ other  _ scars I've got on my chest from...all the battles I gladly fought in the name of Her Imperial Majesty. She sat up and downed this absolutely tiny amount of whiskey. However, it was enough. She became much more relaxed. That, or her relaxation came from playing with my hair. Which is fine. I like that. For they say it is when one is inebriated do they show their true side. And I supposed Toph’s true side is a relaxed, confident, happy young woman. Who “really likes the smell of this hair” and now  _ I  _ needed a whiskey. Too much 'oogies' for me.

With all these distractions, and my constant reminders that she may do whatever she wishes to me, the herbalists could continue working on her. A large piece. A small piece. A jagged piece. More small pieces. Medium pieces. All stained dark red with the blood of the woman using me as a pillow. She barely noticed their tweezers grabbing and pulling. Or Suki maintaining a perfect grip on Toph’s feet while in on-knees stance. Or Suki’s comments that “burns like these need a healer”. I allowed Toph the sanctity of her own dark space to enjoy playing with my hair, eating and licking my hair, petting my chest with light scratches, and holding my arm tightly. Well, she only held my arm when I wasn't scratching her cheeks,  _ you've got really nice soft cheeks, and also, you need a shower,  _ or her hair. Also, let's not forget accidentally headbutting my chin with her head because “You’re a fancy pillow” she said, so calm I believe she was actually about to collapse from tiredness.  _ The Empress is tired for once. How peculiar. Not the weirdest thing I've experienced in this closet _ . No I don’t know what 'you're a fancy pillow', means, no I don’t want to know. While she lay on my chest, her neck was  _ asking  _ for a neck massage. She earned it. And she enjoyed it far beyond I thought she could or would. She  _ really  _ enjoyed it. She even murmured of appointing me to 'give her a neck scratch for the rest of time'. Which...since us Kyoshi Islanders live for a long time... _ that's a lot of time _ . Also,  _ of course I'd do that.  _

Much of the following was a fog to me due to the consumption of good whiskey and the exhaustion overtaking common sense.

“Where’s Katara? Aang?” I recall asking Suki. She shrugged. “He went to go scout” she stated with honesty. “What, did he go scout on foot?” I asked, sarcastically. While a young Earth Empress  _ pinched, ow that really hurts _ , my skin because it seemed to relax her, we wondered where the Avatar was. He couldn’t use the excuse of our location because our train began moving as soon as the last of the soldiers boarded. We also suffered  _ no  _ deaths to the  _ daofei _ . Many injuries, scrapes, bruises, a broken bone or two. But the Dai Li, the Imperial Guard and the Kyoshi Warriors...the perfect trio of forces. The Imperial Army was there, but they defended the carriages without leaving. 

I remember when Suki gave a deep exhale moments after the herbalist announced “the operation has been a success! All visible glass pieces have been removed!” But we held no massive ceremony for them. In private, we would bring them to Ba Sing Se and make them part of the Imperial Infirmary. We'd give them the rewards nobility would earn. As for my hand? I only had a few glass pieces in it. I ordered, as the highest ranked by consciousness, Toph to be brought to the Consort's quarters and tucked in. I went and tucked her in myself, giving her one more hair pet while quietly whispering for her to 'have a good night'. Then my adrenaline ran out.

Suki looked at me and my bleeding hand, a trail of crimson ran from the closet to this room and onto this bed's blankets. I couldn't hide it anymore, and Toph was  _ finally  _ safe. Asleep. Her feet were wrapped up, she wasn't to walk, but she was  _ safe _ . She was okay. So now...I could go on to  _ me  _ and the  _ rest  _ of the glass that was in her bedroom. Since, she collected most of it, I collected the rest. I was offered some whiskey, accepted it, and bit down on a rag. “I won’t earthbend anyone” I made sure to make the operation more...humorous. Suki chuckled. The herbalists ignored the statement. They aren't  _ bad  _ people, they just...don't understand us. I laughed as they  _ pulled  _ those pieces of glass out of my hand. I bit the rag down and laughed hysterically because... "This isn’t my first time and it won’t be my last!" as I said to the three. Suki nodded. 

I stumbled my way,  _ thanks for helping me get there Sukes _ over to my 'official' bedroom where I found my Empress lying, sound asleep. I got into bed,  _ thanks Sukes,  _ and crawled up next to her. With the help of my cousin, I took her head and rested it and it's drooling self on my chest while Suki threw the blanket over us. My hand was wrapped up, meaning I couldn't hold her with both hands. But I  _ could  _ cradle her head with my right hand. So I did. And only when all was said and done and I was completely hammered with all the possibly whiskey I could ingest did I finally fall asleep, holding my Empress in my hand. 

And I have to say, I'd do it all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Toph gets a piggyback ride. It's wholesome. 
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks:  
> -If I remember correctly, this was the first chapter written after my first chapter was published. It has no relevancy, just a fun fact to know.  
> -For context: The Empress and Co. are to the west of the Eastern Air Temple and on the small piece of land that juts out into the Eastern Sea.   
> -Chengping's in southern Huizhou, Suixi is to it's south. All those town names are on the Huizhou Peninsula in various spots.   
> -Tekko are the type of gloves that the Kyoshi Warriors wear.   
> -This is the first mention of Sai, Suki's little sister and adorable madwoman. Source: The CK2 reference mod. Originally I wasn't going to throw another OC into Suki's family because 'that's just too much for one person to handle'. Then I wrote this story, not this chapter but 'Adventures' and realized that I could get away with worldbuilding. Likewise, I liked the idea of having Suki have one crazy cousin (Mori) and one adorable younger sister who's also the Lady of Sass and a Kyoshi Warrior-in-training. And she gets away with nearly everything, as younger siblings often do. Character wise, she's the Lyanna Mormont (for GoT fans) of Kyoshi Island. She's four years younger than Suki.  
> -Mori's selfishness. 'you're our scout', had a point.   
> -The motif of touch: Toph enjoys feeling Mori's chest and having fun with his hair (do not take out of context, please). This is one of their backbones of the two being pillow and Empress. Others may do oogie things, they do this. I can't see Toph, IC, ever having any oogies, even if she 'likes' someone. And Mori? He's too Kyoshi Ethics'd for that stuff.  
> -Pu-On Tim directs erotic one-dimensional cliche-ridden parodies of relationships/events/AUs/anything that the people want.
> 
> -The whiskey-bombs are based on Molotov Cocktails.   
> -Toph really likes how Mori smells. This 'truly blind' moment is the most emotional for her in the entire series as of yet. Explanation uncessary.  
> -The Dai Li are an example of what happens if you take all four elements (the ferocity of firebenders, the maneuverability of airbenders, the adaptability of waterbenders and the sturdiness of earthbenders) and combine them into a force of earthbenders. Then remove the age rating and have fun. 
> 
> -Mori's official smell: Musky sweaty spruce moss. It's what happens when a Kyoshi Islander sweats into his clothes and he's a young adult. Toph happens to like the smell because it smells like nature. Oh and also it's the smell of her preferred pillow but that's tangential.   
> -Only in my fics does it take 150k words for the main character to kiss someone. And it's not even her. It's her hair.
> 
> On Kisses and Licks, an appendix:  
> >This is the most 'oogie' Mori will likely get for a long, long, long time. Events like these are rare and Toph doesn't strike me as the kind of person who either gives or recieves oogies. After all, her affection is given in her own way. As for Mori's kiss? It was spur-of-the-moment. He thought that if he kissed her she'd be so distracted by him kissing her (since that's something he's never done and it's weird) she'd ignore the paste-thing. What actually happened was she liked it in a humorous way. Because she felt his anxiety and felt it's aftereffects.  
> >I know what you might think. In most fictions, after a character has kissed another (assuming they're in a committed relationship, akin to Toph and Mori), a kiss becomes kisses, kisses becomes making out, making out becomes flowery things. That's not this. If you wanted that, one, I don't know how you lasted this long. Two, I'm sorry but this isn't going to be that story. Three, thanks for reading. If you want a long term relationship with no kissing or any of that but lots of platonic cuddling (the Imperial Pillow), then read on.   
> >As for the licks, that's just Toph being really Toph. She thinks his hair tastes good (see: 'it's so soft'). Like with above, this isn't going to become the norm. This was just a special way for her to have a rag without-having a rag. Or: How Toph calms herself down when she's truly blind.


	17. All Are Beneath Me! MUAHAHAHA! (Or: The Time The Emperor Learned to be a Ostrich Horse)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mori becomes an ostrich horse to help his Empress around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing time? ~5 hours nonstop, I wrote this 2 months ago.  
> Editing time? 7 hours, right before publishing this.
> 
> What's in an edit? I add Mori's inner thoughts and/or tangents I feel that he'd engage in. Amazingly, most of this stuff comes back to relevancy in the future.

Chapter Eighty-Two: 

“Your Majesties! We have descended into the Plains of Minquan!” came the shout from the guard whose job it was to stand outside the door. Also included: Shout  _ politely  _ at the two Imperials in the Her Imperial Majesty's Imperial Party Train Bedchamber. My thoughts, upon hearing this man's wonderfully  _ loud _ lungs?  _ Come on, can’t we get some time to rest? Doubly come on, who cares where we are? I mean, I do, but Her Imperial Majesty is tired and...again, does it really matter?  _ And yet, this call woke me up enough to be...not asleep. Which is enough to make me force myself to sit up and do as a Consort does. I grabbed the blanket that had been kicked off and tossed it over her legs. Her feet were supposed to be on my chest and supposed to be out in the open because they weren’t allowed to be covered. Because...eye surgery. Officially, her feet were supposed to rest on a 'cushion' but I've learned the easy  _ and  _ hard way that the only true cushion is my chest. That and she was asleep and I had to resort to her last conscious edict in regards to cushions, which was stated months ago: 'when I want to use you as a headrest, I will, when I'm not using you as a headrest, please make sure my feet don't slide off. I don't want to wake up because I hear your cousin and Captain Boomerang using his boomerang.' At the time, hearing this edict made me require the ingestion of liquids. But since it was the last edict given in regards to cushions, or the last edict I remember, it is therefore what is to be done. Oh, and also, when I'm  _ not  _ being watched by half a dozen nameless courtiers, it's less embarrassing to try and play tug-of-leg. As I am now a footrest, the Imperial Footrest, I can’t wear a blanket. Which is fine, Huizhou is too warm for blankets. Not as hot as the lands named after heat, not as cold as the lands where people make snow houses. 

With the first act of business concluded, I could go on to inquiring about the  _ status  _ of the person to whom I had to fight a small war to  _ just get that blanket over your legs why is this so hard?  _ “Your feet still burn? You’d consider it a  _ heated  _ situation?” I asked the static blanket off to my right. “Ha. That’s not that bad, Kyoshi. It’s not that good, either.”  _ Come on, I spent exactly one eye-blink of time conjuring that joke up. Not everyone's as punny with puns as you, Your Majesty _ . Despite this, I sensed legitimate laughter, which just means that my thoughts are wrong,  _ no surprise there _ . Normally, I recieve one shoulder  _ hammerfist so hard it bruises me _ , but not this time. Then it hit me, no not literally.  _ Right, she’s over there and I’m over here, being a good footrest _ .  _ And last I checked, you can't fist a shoulder if you're not adjacent to a shoulder. _ “Remember when I was all ‘oh the green paste is disgusting and terrible’?” I asked the person who was in the process of taking the blanket I tossed over her,  _ but couldn't make it all the way because...you know, people can't clap with one hand wrapped up in cloth either, can they _ , and pulled it over the last of her carpet of possibly tangled -possibly just the perspective- hair. Still long. Her snarky, more-than-one-blink-of-time-to-think-of response? “Except you could still walk. What am I supposed to do?” she countered.  _ But...crutch? I couldn’t. Or are crutches a figment of my imagination.  _ While looking at those well-cooked feet of hers,  _ seriously did you choose to walk in all the fire or was I that lacking in agility? _ “I could arrange someone to carry you." I kept looking, now noting all the marks of someone who  _ walked in every single last piece of glass _ . It's good for me, I only had fifteen pieces jammed in my hand.  _ Yes, I counted. No, I don't know why _ . “Kyoshi, there’s only one person carrying me. The end.” the Empress huffed.  _ And it’s me. Why bother being vague? It’s going to be me. It's almost as obvious as...something something egg something something humor _ . “I know it’s me.” I stated, part wary, part content, knowing it was me. A heel was raised, she may lack the ability to walk, but there's a dozen more muscles that she's more than happy to use, before burying itself in my - _ note, needs to be washed, I can't go around smelling like spruce moss, I mean I can, and I did, but enough _ \- Imperial Informal Robes.  _ Ow _ . Her heels retained their strength.  _ Don't ask why I know that, Pu-On Tim. I know you're watching us from the ceiling. You and that one comedy duo.  _ As much as I wanted to carry my Empress around like a sack of grain, since sacks of grain weight one Toph and Toph weighs one sack of grain,  _ I may also be forgetting the specifics because what do you take me for, a peasant?, I carry things in measurements of Tophs,  _ I also couldn't carry this sack of grain capable of un-peaking a mountain. “I only have one good hand.” and I raised my hand which was forced to lay on a stone platform, and 'could not be moved' according to the same creepy, in a apathetic yet well-intended way, herbalist who also recommended that Toph be given a footrest.  _ And we all saw how that turned out. Except me. And Toph.  _ As for the hand, it, too, was bloody.  _ No, really? You really dug into that glass. You couldn't just swipe this sack of grain that stumbled backwards. No, no, you had to dig into that glass like some kind of glassbender except you're a novice at it so you get slapped with your own bending instead of do it right. None the matter, it wasn't like there were any witnesses to see your idiocy.  _

Just before I went to sleep earlier, some Sage -we stopped at the next military base over to refill on supplies, no, I was busy tending to my Empress to leave- gave me some sage wisdom. Not because he was a Earth Sage, he was just your friendly neighborhood,  _ he caters to a military base and it's surrounding village, you genius,  _ old man. He might've been inebriated and that's why he was actually servicing people instead of, you know, meditating or doing sagely duties like learning how to multiply with the local village maidens. He kowtowed kind of correctly, I might've also been too tired to notice that he was actually bopping his head into the dining table instead of the floor, and stated “You sacrificed a hand to save Her Imperial Majesty. Something poetic! Oh how honorable! Something about romance! Esoteric thinking as related to the strength of character!” I’m not sure he said the last couple parts, in fact I'm not even sure he was a real person and not a figment of-  _ no wait Suki was there and Suki would never ingest cactus juice...except that time she did but let's pretend she didn't so this dramatic statement makes more sense _ \- my imagination. I'm leaning on the 'he was real' category because I had to fill out some paperwork later and everyone knows nobody ever has hallucinations -surgery inspired- or  _ dreams  _ about filling out paperwork. That, and it sounds about right. People tend to use the words 'esoteric thinking' when talking about esoteric thinking. It's like how writers can't stop talking about the intellectual superiority of their writing. Or poets and how poetic their poetry is. His statement, whether real or imaginary, was wrong. I didn’t sacrifice a hand. It’s sitting there,  _ look, me, use your good eye, I can wave with it, hello hand! How are you feeling? Really bloody? Why wouldn't you.  _ And...it's not gone, or roasted beyond reason. I know this because for some reason I keep ending up in circumstances related to either myself or my friends suddenly being roasted like well-cooked steaks.  _ It's called the Hundred Year War. The Water Tribes wouldn't pose the same kind of toasty threat. _ It’s a bit burned, like a medium-well hippo-cow steak, and it  _ used _ to have more pieces of glass in it than usual.  _ Because you usually have pieces of glass in your hand, right?  _ The usual being none. Correction, there  _ was  _ a time the 'usual' was greater than none, but that's back when the Empress wasn't an Empress and I was still tree-man, chopper of foes.  _ Who would've thought, getting into a fight with a tall man and his whiskey bottle could end so poorly for myself, but not Toph. I don't know why we were hammered, nor why the wrestler tossed the non-wrestler at the ex-wrestler, but I woke up the next day with a few more pieces of glass in my hand then I'd like, and everyone else in the room save the tavernkeep and Toph having large, knife-like or boulder-like indentations in their chests, heads and arms. And you thought surgery with some kind of whiskey was fun? Try getting told to 'walk it off' by someone, can't fault her, her hands were bloody but that wasn't her blood, who would later become the first metalbender. Then again, once you've used your hands to remove pieces of glass from places that aren't your hands, you start learning things. Doubly then again, once she realized that I was, indeed, incapable of being capable, I was granted some rock restraints so at least I wouldn't catapult myself backwards when the nearest qualified healer removed said pieces of glass from places where glass shouldn't go. Like your hands. Or forehead.  _

Back to reality, and the current events transpiring...“And you only have one eye, and you’re a good duelist” the Empress said. Sure, it sounded quite insulting but context dictates it’s actually a compliment. Or...from anyone else it'd  _ still  _ be a insult, but this is Toph we're talking about. So it's a compliment. A compliment disguised as a joke? Why not. That's still a compliment, if only you  _ look _ hard enough. “How do I carry you with one hand?” I asked the pair of feet to whom I was contemplating carrying. “You can manage. By the power vested in me, I name you Imperial...Empress Carrier?” she responded, like this was some dramatic speech or announced-to-a-large-crowd command. Then, as if aware of the ridiculousness that is bestowed upon someone the moment they sit on a golden chair, she said in a much quieter voice “Help me out here, Kyoshi?” I didn't know how to respond, since afterall, when she  _ acts  _ like an Empress, its a good idea to  _ treat  _ her as an Empress. But I accepted that she was joking, Imperially joking. “As Imperial Consort, I’m pretty certain I already have that as part of the title.” and I used my good hand to gesture to myself before forgetting the lack of vision,  _ even when she's not injured _ , and proceeded to gesture a slap of my own face before slapping my own face.  _ Face, meet palm. _ She reasoned, the rest of her still beneath the blankets, “But aren’t Imperial Consorts only supposed to have children?”  _ No, do not start this tirade. I'll never hear the end of it from the Imperial...Infirmary? Who's the person to yell at me to go do things related to my official job? Oh wait, no, that guy had his head crushed on the second or third day of Toph's rule. Whoops, forgot that.  _ I had to change the topic as quick as possible. “Imperial Consorts didn’t used to lead armies. Or be men. And they were never older than the person they were the consort for. So... maybe times have changed?” and I might've laughed at my own comment for reasons likely far different from her laughing at my comment.  _ Change. Ha. What are we, the Water Tribes? No wait they're the cousin-bed-people. Change. Ha. What are we, the Fire Nation? Do I smell toast? No that's just her feet _ . “Kyoshi, are you just going to make up things that are ‘jobs of the Imperial Consort’? Because that makes my life much easier!” and she brought her hands out and tossed them behind her head, since she's free to use her hands as a pillow and her normal pillow is not available. I sat up to talk to her because as much as I liked lying down, it was nice to trade eye-contact... _ ha, yeah, right, eye contact _ ...with someone. “You kept assigning me tasks, like ‘Imperial Back Massager’, and because I’m the only one doing that, it became synonymous with my title. Why not-” She held up her finger as if to wait to as a question. Then interrupted me to it anyways because she's the Empress. “Does that mean  _ future  _ Imperial Consorts have to do all these things?” “That’s correct, Your Majesty.” This realization made her break out in laughter. "I feel bad for future Imperial Consorts, then."  _ I feel bad for them, too. But they don't exist. So let's go feel bad for people that do exist, instead.  _ Instead of trying to figure out the ramifications of her using the word 'future' like some kind of Imperial Law-checker who over-interprets everything, I ignored it. 

“You’re going to carry me around, Imperial Empress Carrier. And I want to be carried, now!” I could hear her delight at the nonsense of uttering such a title. Normally she’s the one to go running off, but at that time, she couldn’t. And that frustrated her nearly as much as her ecstatic-ness at giving me yet another title. “Your Majesty” I pulled out my formal voice because she just issued a command. I heard her groan at the ‘stuffy’ title. “May I clean your feet. They’re a bit..." I paused because I needed to check that I was telling the truth,  _ yes, because they suddenly stopped being as bloody in the last...whatever amount of time _ "...bloody.” I found a rag that was left for just this purpose, it sat on the nightstand my arm also sat on, and one outstreched-arm later and I had it, and hung it on my left arm since my left arm was already a clothesline, why not a rag-holder, too? “Go ahead. I might earthbend you into a different province.” and she wagged her toes, almost inviting me for what would surely be a little pain and not that much blood. For her.  _ For her.  _

“What are you going to hold onto?” I had to ask that before I got started for obvious reasons. The last thing I want to do is do anything the blind mountain-breaking teenager might not like. “This bed?” she questioned, questionably. “The Consort’s bed might not take it.” I replied in a mix of formal and normal. “Well...at least we know the bed is as strong as the man it belongs to.” and she giggled at her own joke. Her argument holds little water and lots of sass. There's  _ no  _ bed, except maybe one of pure wood that rests on some ice, that is strong enough to avoid being snapped apart if she willed it.  _ No, you're an idiot. She can't see anything when she's lying on a bed. Any bed. Because...mattress. _ “I’m sorry if this hurts.” and I grabbed her foot, pulled it closer, and grabbed the rag off my left arm. “It’ll hurt you much more than me!” the blanket shouted, naively delighted by the prospect of the word 'blood'. I was on the receiving end of a bad case of involuntarily foot kicking because surprise surprise, grabbing someone’s burned feet and wiping them down with a rag hurts them. For me, it was like rubbing a steak with a rag. Except I wasn't to be too vigorous or I'd hurt those feet. When those feet are her eyes, it hurts a hundredfold, no matter how light or hard one works the rag.  _ Works the rag? You're not cleaning a dish _ . But...she didn’t earthbend me into the next room, she kept making jokes. “Is that your best? I didn’t know Kyoshi’s descendants were such noodles!" Her shouting it really loudly helped the embarrassment.  _ I am not a noodle!  _ I thought in what was certainly a mature inner voice. “Come on! Harder!” she beckoned me because I might’ve been lightly swabbing at her terrible case of sunburn. Because...I wouldn't want to be too rough for obvious reasons. Any of us who, one, had a Sun to recline beneath, and two, reclined beneath it, would know that sunburns tend to be tender. So I pressed my rag into her skin and she screamed in gratification. “There we go!” I’m sure she was also gritting her teeth, because she sounded like she was. But she’s not going to admit that. Just like she'll never admit she's cold. Which is fine. The moment she starts admitting to flaws or acts  _ soft _ , she's either lost her mind or reality itself is being directed by Pu-On Tim. She offered some wise motivational words. “Go on, Imperial Noodle! You can do it!” So I  _ did _ it. “Go Imperial Noodle! Prove yourself to the Noodle Nation!” I have to say, her cheering me on was working. Who knew a laughing Consort works twice as hard and forgets the whole ethical -tender skin hurts to touch- thing twice as fast. So I dug my rag into her foot and that caused her to let out some ows as a result of pressing on such  _ you really stepped in all the flames  _ skin. But she continued her onslaught of words. “Imperial Noodle, win your war against the Queen of the Feet!” I won my war and received one bloody rag from it. “I might shoulder punch you if I could. Can’t rock glove you from here” she retorted, excited to probably do just that. “I’ll help with that” and I extended my good hand out.  _ There you go, there's a hand. _ “Thanks for the hand, if only someone could  _ see  _ where it was.” and she probably had a hilarious dead-eyed face to capture this expression. I stuck my hand under the blanket and poked her...arm? I have no idea. Half of her was resting on me. “Have you found it?” I questioned. “Oh no!” she sounded like a frightened noblewoman. “I have  _ absolutely  _ no idea where it is!” Then she sat up, tossing the blankets off her,  _ here, my face, eat a blanket _ , and grabbed my arm with enough intensity I yelped from the pain. “I wonder where your shoulder is?” she asked, mocking Katara’s voice.  _ Why Sugar Queen? Does she not know where shoulders are? That would explain some of her...knowledge on surgery. Bending superiority cannot replace training. But having a literal demi-god on your team can. _ “Hmm.” she waved her hands around in the air, poking random things, my arm, my chest, my chest again, my chest yet again, my torso, my chest, my leg,  _ ow, that's my shin, I possess the pains of a man who is growing, please not there, thanks _ , as if to prove her point.  _ I know you’re blind but your hands still sense _ . She moved around until she was practically on top of me. “Oh wait, here it is!” and she whacked my face with a palm strike.  _ Ow.  _ “That’s my face.” I aptly said. “Close enough.” she retailated, wiggling her wrist about since who would've though whacking my face could  _ hurt your hand. Maybe, next time, bring the iron gauntlet. Maybe don't.  _ Content with my discontent, she jabbed my shoulder. “I keep my word.” she reminded me. And I received another shoulder punch. “What’s the second one for?” I asked, rubbing my shoulder. “I’m building up your shoulder calluses.” and she took my hand off with  _ precise  _ accuracy,  _ see? You're fully aware of where my shoulders are. I mean...you don't see, but you do, _ and punched my shoulder. "You-" with her sitting up, she raised her hands to some kind of fist-fighting guard position and let loose with a jab to the right shoulder, "-never-" and a jab to the left, "-know-" and a jab to the right, "-when-" another left jab, "-you'll-" two quick  _ punches  _ to both shoulders at the same time, much like when she does the punch-punch-pillar-impale, "-need-" a right hook this time, "-a-" I don't know why  _ one  _ one letter word needs it's own entire hammerfist, but it does, "-strong-" and a left hook, "-pair-" and she hit my shoulders with a  _ pair  _ of jabs, "-of-" another hammerfist, "-good-" and I took a  _ good  _ long-distance punch to the right shoulder, "-shoulders-" and for good measure, a headbutt to my left shoulder. 

"Not that I'll judge, but  _ why _ ?" I asked, trying not to go 'ow' from the 'callus-building'. "You need stronger shoulders. That's why." and she crossed her arms, pretending to be distant and apathetic.  _ Wait, wait, I know why _ . "Is this a 'thank you' for carrying you out of a burning room?"  _ No you idiot, don't-  _ I shouldn't open my mouth. I tend to get punished for it. Like when I said that, and she...didn't kill me immediately. Instead making me sit there, tense, waiting for my punishment. " _ No _ " and she huffed and puffed, trying her absolute best to be absolutely uncaring. And it's when I let my right-handed guard down that  _ bang!  _ I took a shoulder hammerfist to the left shoulder. "Whoops. Missed one. We wouldn't want  _ uneven  _ shoulders, would we?" I could only wince. Happily wince, since if I ever wanted my shoulders to be strong, there's nobody better to train under, but still, wince. Because  _ ow _ . 

“You want off this bed?” I asked the grinning Empress. Grinning because she got in her daily punching practice and  _ possibly  _ because her Consort finished cleaning her feet.  _ It only took forever _ . “No" she tried to roll her eyes, and failed, "I want to go to a tavern in Ba Sing Se and spike Captain Kyoshi and Lady Fuzzy Britches’ drinks with cactus juice. Then the three of us can go out on the town and...maybe have a bending battle! Earth versus water versus fan!” and she probably enjoyed thinking about doing that. Again. A strangely specific desire based on a strangely specific event. Not the bending battle, the spiking of drinks. See an account of when she did that and believed clothes to be beneath her so she ran about the Palace wearing nothing. Not to mention the time she had cactus juice and punched holes in walls. When I caught her that time, she was cursing the Water Tribes and “I’m a firebender! Burn everything!” and she punched nothing at nothing. Because...well I'm glad she didn't use her bending that time or the entire Palace would've been just holy cheese. And I mean that in the hole kind of holy. Also holy, because she was and is holy. Something about Mandates and golden chairs with badgermoles behind them. Oh, cactus juice is  _ so _ fun for all parties involved, all parties not-involved, and all parties that regret not being invited to the party. Just don't be a nameless Guard or member of the Ceiling Dai Li, lest you find yourself playing 'catch the pillar' with some small child who drank too much of this one-drink-and-you're-drunk substance.  _ She's not a small child, you genius, she's a small Empress. Small difference. Small.  _

“You’re going to have to put your feet somewhere else” I tried requesting in a harsh, understandable-by-Toph tone as I tried to move myself so I could sit up without damaging her feet. She picked them up, since her legs still have function, so I sat up, and she brought them back down on _my shoulders_. _Ow. I...you...you do remember the 'shoulder incident of the Minquan Plains, Year One and a Half of Her Imperial Majesty', right? The incident that just happened? The incident that made my shoulders quite sore and not that receptive to people? No? Well then neither do I._ “Kyoshi, stand!” she ordered. “But...your legs are on my shoulders.” and I pointed at the legs that were on my shoulders. _That's a smart idea. Point. Point. Do you think she sees the point? Do you see the point?_ “I’m trying something..." she said while struggling to move about, "Lie down and stay still!” I followed her wishes. Because I certainly wasn't going to be able to pick her up and drag her out and for some reason at that moment I didn't think about asking for help of any kind. I lied down and...soon enough found that she was putting her legs on my shoulders. _Right, so this hurts, but...I'll try to do whatever nonsense you're proposing not just because you're the Empress but also...we're the Empire, inventing new modes of transportation is one of our favorite pastimes._ **“** You’re going to stand up and we’ll find out if this works!” and she grabbed my undone hair with her hands. “What works?” I questioned, because I didn't know what was thinking. “I _hear_ that people ride ostrich horses, so why not try being an ostrich horse for me?” she asked in that oh-so-polite noblewoman’s tone. Which she never uses except for sarcasm. "You're pretty funny" I commented, _there you go, I caught your sarcasm!_ "Who's joking?" and she heel slammed my not-shoulders, _hey at least it's not the shoulders_ \- with her feet. "Get up, Imperial...Riding Pillow!" _Oh, we're using more made-up titles? Does this come before or after Imperial Pillow?_ I could only metaphorically kowtow, bite _nothing_ because there weren't any rags to bite down on, and go "...fine" and get up. 

It worked. It actually worked. I stood up and she sat, resting on my shoulders. Her legs dangled down my chest and her hands kept finding things to grab. My hair, more hair, a cheek,  _ ow please don't pinch that _ , an ear, hair again, more hair, the  _ end  _ of some hair. “It worked, Kyoshi!” and I almost fell over from the adjustment to an entire person sitting on, -resting on the back of- my neck. I asked, trying to learn to adjust and  _ look up  _ at the Empress. “Your Majesty, would you like to put on your wrestler outfit?” “Let’s go for a walk!” she ignored my question in favor of her own demands. At least she was wearing her sleep-clothes, albeit that sleepwear's not much more than a camisole and some shorts. “Where?” I asked while looking at one her left leg as it moved back and forth. My left hand was wrapped in a bandage, meaning I’d have to support her with my right hand.  _ No, no, this isn't hard. Not at all _ . “The place where everyone is gathered!” she commanded in her bossy tone.  _ Where's that? Oh forget it, just make a right and pretend to know where you're going. _ “Right away, Your Majesty” I responded, trying to keep my formal voice. Hard to do considering I’m supporting the weight of the Earth Empire’s ruler, and as the ruler and Empire are like one, the Empire itself, on my shoulders. Yes that was meant to be poetic. Because I was inspired by Not-Drunk-Enough Sage. So I and my Imperial Informal Robes, now properly tied up, set off for the living room. 

The door isn’t high enough to fit Empresses riding Emperors. We didn't build,  _ what are you talking about you didn't build this...  _ Whoever built these monorails didn't put it in as a contingency. Which means  _ someone's  _ getting executed, probably, for missing such a  _ glaring  _ detail that even a man with one eye could see. “Toph, the doorway.” I stated, but the Ceiling Dai Li struck again. They're happy to be silent while the two of us engage in playful banter and remain blissfully unaware of their presence, but the moment we need them, they show up. They slid across the ceiling, over to the doorway, and punched through its top wall-part-thing. “Thanks, agents.” I remarked, looking up at  _ the two people casually hanging off the ceiling _ , and the two wished us “Ten Thousand Years!” as they tend to do. Because they're  _ good  _ bored members of the secret police. Upon walking through the doorway, I spotted Suki looking up at the smashed wall with confusion. Not  _ that  _ confused, this is Toph's bedroom afterall and... _ no, no, you just set yourself up for a euphemism, genius _ . She spotted Toph, who was giddily playing with my hair, and kowtowed. Not because she had to, it's not like Toph saw anything, but when Suki likes being formal, she'll be formal.  _ Unless she's conveniently missing her shirt and in that closet across the aisle _ . I let her rise and she allowed herself some time to not-point but think of pointing and laugh. “Your Majesties! It’s nice to see Her Majesty is up and about!” and she got down on a knee to look at Toph’s feet. “They’re still burned, but her calluses still seem to be there.” and she rose to be eye-level with me and had to take some steps back to...admire? Her face was one of admiration. “Your Majesty, I didn’t know you were an ostrich horse.” she said covering her mouth and giggling. “My shoulders hurt and my neck bears the weight of Ten Thousand Years of Mandate-Wielders. Otherwise, I’m fine.” and I received a tug at my hair.  _ I'm not actually a ostrich horse. I don't think you can just tug my hair and- _ ow. “Kyoshi’s able to bear  _ me _ . That’s a pretty  _ tall  _ achievement!” Toph stated, self-assured of her height-conversely-equates-to-strength beliefs from atop me. “I think any Imperial Guard could” I offered a compliment to the Imperial Guards standing nearby who had also kowtowed. Unlike the stone-cold Dai Li, they laughed. They laughed because this isn't something you witness  _ every  _ day. Though, if Toph likes it, I could imagine it becoming more common than peasant rebellions. I could tell by their faces none of them wanted my job, and I wasn’t about to  _ toss  _ it upon them. And they're just the Guards, there's no edict that  _ forces  _ them, like it forces me, to follow every whim and pleasure of Her Imperial Majesty. That said, I'm sure they'd volunteer if nobody else was around. 

“You taking Her Majesty to the beach?” Suki asked, gesturing to the light attire of clothes. “No, this is the Imperial Informal Sleepwear, not the Imperial Beachwear” I replied for the laughing Empress.  _ Right, because you, the person who can't see in water, would want to go to the beach.  _ Maybe she was laughing  _ because  _ she knew that this was the closest she'd ever get to wearing Imperial Beachwear.  _ We still have that closet of bikinis one room over, right? Or did my esteemed cousin and her less-esteemed boyfriend wreck the place last time they had a wrestling competition? _ I continued with the possibility for bureaucratic humor. “If we wanted to go to the beach, I’d have to file a request for ‘Imperial Beachwear’ and I only have one hand.” Suki nodded along with this monorail of thought. “How’s your hand doing?” and she offered her hand to gesture to my limp hand. “Compared to that time I got elbowed in the face, or that time some old man plucked my eye out, it’s fine.” Suki, again, nodded. She was convinced. Which is good. She followed this up with an inquiry. “On a scale of regular to ‘getting beaten up by a rotund man and his tree-sized blade’, where would your pain fall?” And then she poked my hand because Kyoshi Islanders love investigating things for ourselves.  _ By all means, go swimming in ice water. _ My hand itself wasn’t in some bundle, the palm section was wrapped in cloth, the rest was left out to be harried by sorties of wind and Suki's tekko-wearing hands.  _ Ow, that tingles _ . “I wouldn’t notice it, but I like having two hands.” Toph, never one to miss an opportunity,  _ so that's what Neutral Jing gets you _ , stated “Kyoshi loves his hands!”. Then she took her heels and slammed my chest with them. Before I could figure out if that had some kind of double-meaning,  _ they're just my hands how can that possibly- actually, on second thought, I can't even think that Toph gets 'pleasure' from this, because everything's always taken way out of context, lest a hundred Pu-On Tims descend on me like a bunch of drunk rotund daofei. _ “That means go forward, Kyoshi!” she commanded, bringing my mind back to reality with another chest slam. “Couldn’t you just say ‘go forward’-” I asked Toph while looking at Suki’s amazed expression of 'now I've seen everything', but no, I was interrupted by a pair of feet to my chest.  _ So that’s cue for going forward. _

I couldn’t trot, I only have two people legs, not two ostrich horse legs. So I walked. I felt both woozy and yet-aware-of-my-surroundings as I tried to keep the Empress balanced on me. The Empress didn't seem to care about balance, she just wanted to have fun.  _ Now that's a statement that could be used by our rivals. "The Empress does not care for world balance, she just wants to have fun!" _ Toph could take her hand and touch the ceiling. The one time she did, she seemed to enjoy it. Why only once? “I can use your hair as reins, right?” and she tugged on my hair. What was I going to do? Say ' _ no'?  _ “Sure, go right ahead." She countered in that voice of someone who was either grinning or about to. “I  _ will."  _ She partitioned the hair she pulled into two and held one clump with one hand and one with the other. Normally I’m the one snapping the reins, so as one can imagine this is a strange experience. It's also a strange experience because she's another...one Toph in weight...that I can't just stuff into a bag,  _ note, do not take that the wrong way,  _ and carry over my shoulder. No, no, she's got to sit up there and she's not the most acrobatically inclined. Earthbenders aren't the biggest fans of flying. When we walked the few paces to the living room, the Dai Li who were enjoying their food and refreshments looked  _ up  _ at their Empress, then down at me and my absolutely disheveled expression,  _ I need a shower, I know that, you know that, everyone but Toph thinks it _ , my hair everywhere other than the top of my head, and they kowtowed. I heard one man, somewhere amidst the blob of conical hats, go “since when…” before a different Dai Li agent yelled “No talking! We’re dramatically waiting for what’s next!” and two successive  _ whacks, ouch for whoever was on the receiving end of that _ , and a “no talking!” from a third voice. The Kyoshi Warriors who were supposed to be guarding my body were having tea like the formal, orderly young women that they are. So formal, in fact, that upon seeing my hair being used as reins and my face of pure exhaustion, they giggled. Because they're as formal as their Captain and if their Captain can't withhold the loss of her composure, why should I expect the kind of people who flirt with stone-faced singers to  _ have  _ composure. 

“Your Majesties!” some Imperial Guard shouted over the silent army of hats. The silent army was silently enjoying the show, but every, single, time I'd turn my head,  _ ow, Toph, why must you be annoyed when I'm turning my head, it's not like I'm slamming my hard skull into your torso or...no wait I am, point taken,  _ the Dai Li that would be in within my sight would pull their hats over their faces, since Kyoshi help them if I see their elation.  _ No, no, we are shadow people. We do not laugh. We do not party. _ The same Imperial Guard, I think he's Jie, shouted “The Avatar’s skybison has returned!”  _ Oh good. Lord Egg. Great. _ “It’s not like we needed a healer earlier” I said, nonchalantly, to the crowd while Toph wagged her toes about. A couple of them, the Imperial Guards chuckled. The Kyoshi Warriors were giving me these Ty Lee expressions of  _ I got that joke _ . Which reminded me of someone.  _ I wonder who _ . I’m not calling them idiots. I’m calling them a pack of young women who are bored and find humor in me ending up in situations that they would deem funny. Like going swimming in winter and having someone steal my clothes so I'm force to counter-steal their womanly clothes for the purposes of a very, very, funny joke. Funny for them. My frostbite was quite  _ chilling  _ for me to experience. I'd say it felt really  _ cool  _ to go ice-swimming and then become a human icicle while warming up at a fire.

“Stop this Imperial Train of Stuffiness and let’s greet Twinkletoes!” Toph ordered all...well in her normal  _ ordering  _ voice, before hitting my chest with her feet, causing me to walk forward.  _ Imperial Train of Stuffiness? That’s the Imperial-Mandated name? All that nonsensical babbling over titles and a whole letter being sent and that's the Imperial-Mandated name? Come on. All that setup with the kind of payoff that I should be expecting from Toph and...we got this instead.  _ The order was repeated while the Dai Li collectively turned around, as if some kind of crazy synchronized dance group to face where the roar of a sky bison came from. Which reminded me of something. “Your Majesty-” I looked up at the young woman who happened to be looking down at me,  _ that’s a frightening sight _ ,  _ I mean, your sea-foam green eyes are wonderful to look at, but you being above me's kind of strange. Oh yeah, it's also frightening. Because...first we had the Ceiling Dai Li and now we have the ceiling-hugging Empress. _ “-shall we offer entertainment to the Avatar?” She clapped her hands and yelled “Of course!” So I took my finger and pointed it at the nearest conical hat. “Dai Li, do your singing and dancing after they show up!” "But...I'm not the Captain, Your Majesty" this one conical hat man humbly admitted.  _ Oh.  _ So the crowd went quiet. "Well will  _ one of you _ please get the Captain?" and Suki yelled out from behind me "What do you need?" and I slapped my face. "The  _ Dai Li  _ Captain, Captain!" More quiet. Cricket-mantises were metaphorically chirping. More quiet. Then...the Captain of the Dai Li emerged from the sea of hats and bowed. “I hear Your Majesty's commands. Right away, Your Majesty.” He bowed again, turned around, and got to ordering people with names to do actions. He also chastised this one humble agent for "Not getting me sooner!" and went off on an ear-pummeling tirade about tardiness and Emperors and how 'back in his day' everyone did everything on time. So I stepped forward and "Captain, where were you?" and he spun around, bowed to me, and remarked "Playing Pai Sho. Against myself."  _ I see. That's...I see. _ "So you, too, were tardy." I didn't need to see his face to see his face go wide with horror. "I've become what I-" I interrupted him. "Oh shush. Just continue screaming at people." His spoke, much less worried and much more calm, "Yes, Your Majesty!" He then bowed, got up from his bow, spun around, and shouted at people. "Fooooooorm Ranks!" and all that. The Kyoshi Warriors who were busy not guarding my body to do things like drink tea stood up and applauded. “Go Dai Li!” they cheered. “Suki!” I shouted to the woman who steadfastly stood by the Consort’s bedroom. She showed up at my side. “Yes?” “Please keep your bodyguards in the most minimal of checks.” She gave me a nod, and a “On it.” and the Captain walked off to tell people with names I recognized to do actions, too. 

I walked up to the doorway that I used to greet the Avatar last time he idealistically bumbled his egg-ness into this Imperial Property. Before the Ceiling Dai Li - _wait while are you drinking tea while up there? How?_ \- could break through the roof of the door, Toph headbutted it. Because...nothing says 'introduction' like a headbutt to the door. The nice warm seabreeze whipped us in the face, _she’s right, it is stuffy in there, I don't know why I doubted her, mmm I miss the wind_ , and we spotted the Avatar and his band of heroes landing on the glade next to us. His landing involved a full-on gale as he front-flipped off like some kind of acrobat and swung his ancient Air Nomad artifact around before slamming it into the earth, sending a gust towards us, _no, no I take it back I don't miss the wind that much._ To our sides -I advanced forward in the opposite direction of forward to let them pass- the Imperial Guard marched out in column formation before, in sync, forming a semi-circle formation in front of us. The Dai Li can just walk through their homes, the walls, but the Imperial Guard prefer pomp and smashing earth apart for an entrance is less pompous. Wuhan was in the middle of them all, directly in front of the two of us. He walked over to the great white beast and its three passengers. _Note, Aang had to stick the landing but then flew back towards his companions because...Water Tribe sticks together? I have no clue._ _I know their cousins stick together in more ways than one_. I guess the Captain of Her Imperial Majesty's Imperial Metalbending Guard thinks he’s a courier now; because he spoke to them, pointed at the two of us, the Avatar bobbled towards us and babbled back, and the other two jumped off. The egg, the two Southerners and the Northerner walked through the semi-circle formation and up to us.

Katara, having the most perception of them all, both because she's a woman and isn't preoccupied with looking at Suki,  _ I'm talking about you, Prince,  _ and because she isn't looking for the nearest endangered animal to go rescue,  _ Egg _ , and went “why is Toph up there?” which caused the  _ entire  _ Imperial Guard to draw their  _ dao  _ blades.  _ Yay! Go Imperial Guard! Where are the rest of you, Dai Li? I don't see you...wait no wait that's the point _ . “Remember your titles, young Lady!” Wuhan shouted at her, pointing his  _ dao  _ at her. "Why should-" but the petulant team mom was quieted by the Avatar and his palm. "Forgive us, Your...Pluminess!" "I  _ will  _ pull your head off, you insolent-" but I cut off the Captain because as much as I  _ like  _ a fight and would like Team Earth Empire to get a rematch against getting the whole lot of them defeated by one waterbender, an airbender, and boomerang man  _ last  _ time they 'invaded' our Palace Grounds, one of my hands isn't working like it should, the other's holding a teenager so she doesn't fall backwards and our secret weapon that can kill Fire Lords in less time then it takes to write all this is preoccupied with her feet being burnt. “Captain, stay your hand. We can save the duels for later!” I shouted with my formal-almost-breaking-into-informal voice. The Avatar, bridge between a waterbender and a dao-slice to the face, brought his hands up in a Air Nomad bow. “Forgive us, Your Earthlinesses.” I could hear the sighs and groans of the Imperial Guard who  _ really _ wanted to teach this young world-ender a lesson. Most of them kept to themselves, as orderly soldiers would. Except one. The Captain backed up, letting  _ go  _ of his  _ dao _ and allowed it to float about in front of the Avatar while he backpedaled towards the two of us. The secret, he was holding it up from a distance with his hand. Once the Avatar's jaw had properly fallen to the floor, the Captain waved his blade back to him, pulled his sheath off his Imperial Armor and  _ caught  _ the blade in mid-air before slinging blade and scabbard back into his clothing and marching away. Sokka was all 'uhh did anyone else just see that?' and Katara was like 'what?' because of a mix of 'did you just threaten my boyfriend', 'did you just threaten the Avatar, the man who gives us all hope in the world,' and 'that's really cool, can the Avatar learn that?' 

“Your Earthliness, may I ask why you are up there?” Aang asked,  _ so you didn't ask to ask, you just asked anyways _ , his head leaned back to look  _ up  _ at the 'tall' Empress. “Because all are beneath me! Muahahaha!” and she pointed at them and laughed like this was Earth Rumble and she was taunting them.  _ I...sure why not. You’re the Empress. Go right ahead. In theory, yes, all are beneath you. Wait...you're being sarcastic. And serious. And your title just so happens to be the one title where that statement is completely truthful while also sounding innocent. Do you just...no, you didn't plan this, you couldn't have. Or could you? You do plan your taunts...sometimes, and improvise them...almost all of the time. Actually... _ I gave up. I’m supposed to maintain my stance while also transporting Her Imperial Majesty while also trying not to laugh at her comment. Because if I laugh, she falls over. And if she falls over that’s even more embarrassing than chasing a naked ruler of the Earth Kingdom across a Palace while she’s drunk on cactus juice. No, no, the latter would be more embarrassing if non-Imperials were present. Because then we'd have to execute them and  _ my good hand's not really into the whole 'slicey slicey' today.  _ And of course, it's hard to kill the Avatar. Not that some haven't tried. But those that do are either Azula or go flying off a cliff.  _ Chin _ . 

“Your Earthliness, it is true that for the lands of the Earth Empire, all are beneath you. But...why are  _ you _ carrying  _ her _ ?” and he gestured to me, then Toph. I saw the Captain, no not the one who Sokka was giving oogie-eyes to, the  _ other  _ one,  _ no not that one, the gold-and-green one _ , squint. And considering his furrowed brows are already large enough, that squinting made his eyes nearly vanish. But he was squinting. Because unlike  _ some  _ people, it's considered  _ more  _ intimidating to see the eyes of the man who's about to execute you with his metalbent-dao. "I'd advise using  _ proper  _ titles" the Captain remarked. The Egg Lord spun around,  _ hey, his criticism was to you, not to me,  _ and apologized to the Captain. "I'm sorry-" " _ Captain _ " he jutted in, since like me, I don't think he's a fan of being referred to by a wacky title. Unlike me, he's  _ probably  _ going to kill someone. "I'm sorry, Captain!" the Young Egg bowed out of apology before rising and spinning on a small air-hop,  _ can you please stop showing off, it's getting as obnoxious as when the Emperor calls himself the Emperor in third-person _ . To answer for Toph's statement from earlier, because she was  _ still _ laughing, “I don’t know. She wanted a ride? She thinks I’m an ostrich horse? She wants to train my shoulders in carrying such a heavy-”  _ note, Toph is not heavy _ “-weight?” he looked at me, his eyes going up and down as if trying to visually explain why I look like I barely tied my Imperial Robe on this morning, or why my feet are out in the open and not wearing boots or shoes, or why my face is coated in dirt, or why there’s random strands of black hair everywhere, and by everywhere I mean my Robe, between my hands, on my arms, and so on. Or, even better, why there’s a whitish -it was once white- bandage on my hand that is now both bloody  _ and  _ dirty. “Your Earthliness, what happened to your hand?” the man with two good eyes asked.  _ I don’t know? You can’t tell? Can you really not tell?  _ “He can’t tell?” I said my thought out loud while looking up at the calmed-down Toph. “Twinkletoes, I gave him a hard time yesterday!” and she punched the air in self-approval. The randomly-appearing Prince Sokka, you may have heard of him from his boomerang-related antics, wit, success at being the first Water Tribesman to ever share a sleeping bag with a Kyoshi Warrior and also the first Water Tribesman to ever discover that Kyoshi Warriors carry knives in their undergarments, gave an insightful bit of questioning. “What does a hard time mean?”  _ I know where this is going _ . “I wonder” Toph trailed off. Then she pointed at something and, I’m going to guess, tried to roll her eyes. “Is it working? Am I rolling my eyes?” she asked, the question directed at anyone. “No.” from Aang, Sokka and  _ now,  _ because the randomly-appearing party was happy to accept one more, Katara. 

“Do we tell them?” I asked while they, Katara and Aang, gave me this ' _are you hiding something'_ look and Sokka scratched his three chin hairs and fifteen mustache hairs, contemplating what 'a hard time' means. The Empress snapped my hair. I mean...she snapped her reins, and said “You’re a better storyteller, Imperial Empress Carrier!” I took inspiration from Toph’s love of short stories and ‘I’m the best’isms. Because...I might as well learn from the best. “Her feet got burned, I did a cool jump flip, then _she-"_ I paused to point in the direction of Sokka's eyes, only to turn my head, _pardon me, Toph's leg_ , and realize Sokka was just looking at Wuhan, admiring his metallic blade, and out loud went "Oh." For penance, I slapped myself in the face because _wrong Captain_. I continued my story, much like Toph, nothing was going to stop me, "So some nameless herbalists removed some glass from her feet." “He’s right.” Toph confirmed that this was the correct story. Because we said so. “Then why is your hand in a bandage?” Katara asked, giving said bandage a close examination with her eyes and a lean-in. “You know what they say about picking up the weight of the world…” I quipped. Toph added on her own “he broke his hand trying to pick me up or something, because I’m made of metal. Or iron. Maybe a meteorite.” Somehow, I don’t think they bought that. Somehow, I think that a team where one person's a monk and abstains from the concept of currency and the other two come from an igloo...I don't think they're the types to understand buying or selling. So no, they didn't buy that. Sokka switched ponders and “but then why aren’t you walking?” and he pointed at Toph’s legs, which is also my chest. Now, I took it that he didn't believe that my chest could walk, and explained, as humbly and not-in-pain-no-you-aren't-hurting-my-shoulders-nope said “As I said, she likes riding me. I think.” He floated around us, probably thinking that if he just looks at us from every possible angle he’ll solve the mystery. _Why spin around? What does that solve?_ “As _I_ said, I gave him a hard time last night!” _It was afternoon, Toph. Not that you can tell time. Which is fine._ Sokka’s extensive investigation of running circles around us ended when a Dai Li rock glove showed up and did the rock glove thing. To be specific, it grabbed him by an arm and was accompanied by a voice yelling “please stop running around the Emperor and Empress. You tire them.” _Tire ‘them’? I could do this all day. But if that airbender hits me with a single gust of wind, this tall tree is_ _going down._

Because I didn’t want Sokka to get executed at that exact time and I also wanted Toph to get healed,  _ correction, other way around _ ,  _ I want Toph healed and if Sokka wants to go out on a date with a dao that's his prerogative and my loss of a military alliance with the South because their Prince got sliced and diced _ . “Lady Katara, can you heal Her Imperial Majesty’s feet?” and I grabbed her left dangling foot by the ankle. The right one raised itself and hammered my chest, almost sending me spiraling down, down,  _ down _ .  _ Tree-man going down. Oh. No. _ I made sure the two standing individuals got a good look at her burned foot while getting into a kind-of ostrich horse stance.  _ Hey, this time, I can be the ostrich horse. Wait. No _ . The guy lying down on the ground - _ Sokka _ \- wondering  _ how  _ he got into that position would have to wait. Was he back-slapped by a Imperial Guard's gauntlet? Did he trip? Is he comic relief? Who knows. Katara, being practical and also possessing ears, uncorked her waterskin and pulled a stream of water out. She manipulated it into a disc-like not-disc,  _ I believe we call those things discs _ , and ran it over Toph’s foot. The water glowed and Toph shrieked. “That’s cold!” and she tugged really hard on my hair, leaned too far back, and I fell backwards. Thank you Captain Wuhan for standing behind us, you know, as a bodyguard does, and catching Toph mid-fall. Thank you, nobody, for letting me fall and land in some dirt. And not just land  _ on  _ the dirt, but land on my really-not-as-good-hand.  _ Ow, for me. Ow _ . Only after I fell did a pair of conical hats show up to look down at me.  _ I'm glad you're on time.  _ “Where were you two?” I asked them while the two offered their rock gloves, in sync, to help me up. I also had to scream “not that hand!” to remind one of them because, get this, he squeezed the hand that may or may not, depending on who's telling the story, have been both on fire and submerged in glass. “We can’t foresee the future. You fell too quickly.” the competent one explained. The incompetent one kept his mouth shut.  _ So you're learning. _ “Would you prefer a dramatic fall next time?” I sarcastically asked while looking back at the burly Captain holding a very unhappy Toph like some kind of baby.  _ You, Captain, look like you know what it's like to hold a baby. Why do you have that extremely specific and or common skill, depending on community? _ “That would be easier to halt, Your Majesty" the competent agent explained.  _ Right, I’ll make sure to let you know when I plan to fall next time _ .  _ What, do you think I have all the time in the world to go 'Wow I'm falling over! I have fallen! I fell!'  _

I walked,  _ ow, my hand, ow,  _ up to the Captain, and pretending to  _ not  _ be in pain, went “I’ll take Her Imperial Majesty” The Captain raised his eyebrow, “Your Majesty only has one hand. Is Your Majesty...okay?” and he gestured to my bandaged hand.  _ How kind of you, Captain _ . But I wasn't going to sit down and  _ whine _ like some kind of egg. “And I have two good shoulders, hand her over.” Except this time my voice contained a pinch of formality. “Wait, I know I’m interrupting something-” Katara said, interrupting something. Wuhan spun around from his formal tone and interrupted the waterbender not long after she first opened her waterhole, “You are, and interrupting the Imperial Consort is an executable offense." And he put his hand on his  _ dao  _ hilt. His not-that-ornate, compared to his brethren,  _ dao  _ hilt. Not to be outdone, I walked up to the waterbender and yelled “That’s right, you’re executable by death!” It took a moment of her startled face to make me think about what I said. “You could be sentenced to death by execution!”  _ Yup. Nailed it _ .  _ Now  _ she looked angry and or annoyed and or Katara-esque. 

“I don’t care" she replied. _Well at least someone’s honest_. “I was thinking-” she began, completely disinterested. _Wait so you’re just going to ignore the whole death sentence thing? I like that_. “-why not heal your hand first, then you can hold her while I heal her?” _Why would I hold her? Am I the Imperial Cushion? Wait, I am. But...I'm also not because I wasn't given that title. But but, you don’t know that_. I swiped Toph from Wuhan, _what is she, a bag of money? You 'swiped' Toph? I mean, I swiped Toph from Gaoling, but...okay maybe she is a bag of money..._ and with some assistance of mine, she went back to her position earlier. Her sitting on my shoulders, legs dangling, hands playing with my hair. I had to figure out whether I'd go all formal or all General or invent a new tone since I'm dealing with a multinational conglomerate of three people. I settled on formal, since for all I _officially_ cared, you're a bunch of people roughly my age who are only there because your friend's a demi-god. It's not like you were a up-jumped peasant or anything. And also, my formal voice _formally_ insists, quite well, if I do say so myself. “No! Heal her first. That way if we inconveniently get attacked by _daofei_ , foreign powers, local rebels who are unaffiliated with _daofei_ , provincial militias that are part of a provincial uprising, regional militias part of a regional uprising, a band of peasants as part of a peasant rebellion, a populist rebellion run by the sandbenders, or maybe a local spirit, she can fight back. And did I mention _she's the Empress_?” I received lots of weird looks like what I was saying was stupid. _I mean...as long as all those things don't happen at the same time.._. “Foreign powers?” from the foreign Prince, “Militias?” from the woman whose father was part of a local militia, and “Peasant rebellions?” from the young man whose many previous incarnates violently ended peasant rebellion after rebellion. Like my ancestor, Kyoshi. _I'm still building your hype, even hundreds of years later, supreme ancestor!_ Oh, and let's not mention the countless Avatars that _started_ peasant rebellions due to their extreme competency or idealism that was unmatched in stupidity. Like Kuruk. _Who, as you can guess, only existed to give Kyoshi more awesome things to do in her life._ _Cutting an island off a continent's boring. Fixing your previous incarnate's nonsense? That's real fun. Like this Avatar, who should probably start killing if he wants to prevent lots of future conflicts._ I realized my side-tangent was lasting too long and responded with “Yes, Avatar. Peasant rebellions. Ever heard of them?” “Only when I spoke to Kyoshi. I've never seen any.” and he hit the ground and made some stone seats pop out. He took to one and rested his staff in front of him, twiddling it like a smart man twiddling a ancient relic between his fingers. “Peasant rebellions are like every other year here, right men?” I shout-asked. The Imperial Guard quietly nodded. I turned my head as far as I could, again, sorry Toph's thigh, and asked “How many rebellions have all of you crushed?” I heard lots of fours, fives and even a six. I asked the Captain, who I assume's been alive the longest and if he hasn't, he's probably smart enough, to explain each. “One in the waning years of the Fifty-First Earth King, something about conscription, I forgot. Two when Kuei rose to power, one because whenever a new King rose, they’d have a rebellion. It's just...part of the fun around here. Another four while he was in power, one was contained in Ba Sing Se, the other three were left to kill themselves with idiocy and the one with all the sandbenders from last year. Oh, and the noble uprisings across the Kingdom, also from last year.” and he finished with a small smirk. _I don't know if I should be concerned about that or not._ I don't know why, but the man with an obsession to hold his blade hilt strikes me as the kind of guy who likes killing enemies of the Kingdom-now-an-Empire. “And how many peasant rebellions are we expecting?” I spoke to him, despite looking at Aang. “One every two years is average.” I took that number, metaphorically, and waved my right hand around, literally, before pointing it at Aang. “Do the math, Avatar. One every two years, a five thousand year monarchy. One for every new King, one for each Prince, one for each action the Earth King does that goes against the Mandate that a bunch of people _decided_ went against the Mandate, and let's not mention the ones backed by _daofei_ or that fuel the years of _daofei_ carnage afterwards.” He had this look of...woah? _Woah indeed. There’s a reason Ba Sing Se is a great place to live. You don’t get your house destroyed by a bunch of smelly farmers because someone got drunk and declared himself the true heir to the last dead King._ I opted to address the barbarian in the field, since he's the most experienced. "Your favorite rebellion, Captain?" and he stroked his braided black beard. "There was this one...oh it was so long ago, just after I joined, we went after these _daofei_ and we hunted them in the mountains-" the Empress politely interrupted with "Yes yes, can I get my feet healed?" and I remembered that she did, in fact, exist. This weight on my shoulders wasn't imaginary, Toph just likes the ride more than she likes making progress in things. 

Back to Toph. I spent so much time focusing on Aang and his grey eyes I didn’t notice Katara leaning in and looking at Toph’s feet.  _ Hey, Katara, privacy, we have such a concept here. I know you Water Tribes love to be communal about everything, except multiplication, that's an Air Nomad thing, but us Imperials like having privacy.  _ I’d bring up how she smelled of seal jerky, but no. I miss seal jerky.  _ Why do you smell like flowers? You're supposed to smell like the alluring, alluring taste of seal jerky.  _ Noticing this strange occurrence, I asked “Lady Katara, why do you smell like fresh flowers?” she stood, backed up, and might’ve blushed.  _ I really, really hope that was a blush towards the celibate Air Nomad and not the man from the island with a reputation for...well Suki could say it better than I. _ “We stopped off at Minquan to buy some soaps. Aang liked this one that smelled like his home so I bought it. That's why we were gone for so long.”  _ I’m sorry. You stopped off. You stopped off at Minquan. To buy...soaps _ .  _ You...you didn't smell like this last time I invaded your bedroom on my Empress's train to speak to your possibly-betrothed about matters that maybe concerned my betrothed. Don't ask why I remember, but I do. Or maybe you did. It doesn't matter. You...you went north...to get soaps.  _ Time to pinch the bridge of my nose and avoid combusting. Combusting? No, avoid  _ screaming _ . Throwing a really, really, well-deserved tantrum.  _ We can’t have this conversation now. Nope _ .  _ Nope. I will not engage in social practices with someone who smells so fancy and betrayed the trust of the Empire. Priorities. _ I focused on watching her genuine passion for thinking of soap,  _ you're fortunate our troops are far more competent than your father's at the Day of Black Sun, or the men surrounding me would probably execute you for being...well I don't have words... _ and in doing so ignored Aang pulling a stone table out of the ground like it was nothing. “Your Earthliness, the table?” he offered, with complimentary hand-gesture  _ for the blind girl _ , and I turned around and looked at the table. Toph was...asleep? Was she  _ that  _ bored by all this? I know history and inner monologues are, combined, uninteresting but...fresh air! Nope, she tugged on my reins and barked “forward, I miss seeing my vision!”  _ That makes sense _ .  _ Yup. You miss seeing. You miss. Seeing. I miss my second eye. _ “Guards, help her on” and Wuhan marched forward with his duo of guards, the twins and their I-have-a-beard-and-I-don't _ ,  _ and the three of them collectively received Toph from my sore shoulders and placed her on the table. 

“You, Kyoshi, if she turns her water into an icicle please punch her!” Toph made sure to sound as honorably annoyed as possible while relaxing and flexing her muscles about on this stone platform. Her hands, especially. She scraped up pure stone like it was sand and flung it in the rough direction of where she thought I was, instead slapping the air and nobody. Katara, as expected, was all “I’m not going to kill you!” which, she’s probably right, but so is Toph. She wasn’t in any distress, far from it. She looked,  _ ha _ ,  _ looked _ , about ready to duel the entire Imperial Guard. Except for the whole lack of feet capabilities. Not that it matters. Without her feet, she could probably take them all on. Katara uncorked her waterskin and drew out a glob of water which she then wrapped around Toph’s soles using one long coiling swipe of her wrists. The rest of us sat, or stood, I wasn't going to judge,  _ like it's my place to. Wait it probably is, I'm the Emperor _ , and watched the waterbender turn her water light blue before Toph went all “why is this so relaxing and yet so cold?” in a polite - _ she’s about one flick away from beating up everyone standing here _ \- voice which should -and  _ did _ \- make them, the wise ones, back up a few paces. Not enough to seem like they were retreating. No, no no. The Imperial Guard never retreat. They advance forwards to the other direction. Enough of a back-up that if a furious Empress punched the ground, they’d have exactly one pace-length more of time to react. But close enough that if  _ someone  _ hurt their Empress, that  _ someone  _ would have about ten  _ daos  _ and forty earth pillars to their head in no time. 

It would’ve been far more entertaining to see a blind,  _ no really, it would've, _ Toph hit the ground and turn this entire province into a sinkhole. The spirits hate me, so that didn’t happen. That, or they like the Avatar because something something he's their friend. Or rather, the Spirits favor Toph and thus didn't afflict her with-  _ what are you on about? If Katara slipped up at all the 'spirits' wouldn't have enough time to react from Katara's motion, Toph would be hurt, and you'd have to wipe some Southerner blood off your really, really, cool, dark-as-a-existential-angsty-poet's-heart  _ blade. Instead, Katara worked on Toph’s feet. She took enough time that a pair of Dai Li agents could slid back to the monorail and fetch me a bowl of jerky. I took a couple pieces of jerky, I was hungry afterall, and present the rest as “A gift for the Avatar” and I handed it to him. “I don’t eat meat!” the Egg protested. “But I do!” Sokka hopped over to us and caught the bowl from Aang’s hands.  _ Oh come on. Don't...I could eat it, too.  _ The Dai Li agents, one of them, had to state “No, no, that’s a gift  _ for  _ the Avatar.” and Sokka groaned. “Some guy once claimed I was the Avatar.” he said, his facial expression one of 'I was  _ this  _ close'.  _ Really? Who?  _ I needed to know one thing: “And what was his rank?” and this question made Aang point at Sokka and laugh. “He was told this by a man named Chong.”  _ Chong? There’s lots of those _ . “-and he had no ‘rank’. He was a nomad.” the Avatar's words...his mentioning of that name...  _ It can’t be. Not the same nomad from... 'everybody get filled with arrows' lake-side in the Two Lovers Mountains? The place where all those jobless moneyless brainless ruffians gathered to ingest alcohol and multiple as a group.  _ Sokka stole the jerky that was supposed to go to me. But I wasn’t going to tell the Dai Li that. I wanted Toph healed first. 

Turns out, not long after, long enough for a long silence but not long enough to go 'there's been a long time without anyone talking' _ , _ Katara stood and announced “I’m finished, for today!” and we all -well except the man noshing himself on jerky- turned to look at her. “What do you mean finished?” I asked at the same time as Toph asked “What do you mean, ‘for today?’” I take it Katara heard Toph first since Toph uses her indoor voice outside and her indoor voice's pretty loud,  _ you don't want to hear her outdoor voice.  _ Katara then said “Come take a look at her feet yourself.”  _ Why...why can't you just be specific? Why must I go 'take a look' instead of just be told?  _ "Lady Katara, I have one eye. Mind telling me from here?" and the waterbender had this peculiar look of confusion on her face. "No?" she answered in a skeptical tone.  _ No it is.  _ I countered with "Make me come over there." and earned a "Ha! You're not a earthbender!" from Toph. "It'd be  _ so  _ much easier to explain over here" the healer begged, not in a begging voice, but she too didn't want to cave in. "I have ears" was my remark. She groaned so loudly I thought some kind of wild animal was giving it's death cry as it was struck down by arrows. Nope. Just Katara pulling on her eyelids and mumbling something about people acting like children. But since she didn't name names, we couldn't execute her.  _ We have a justice system.  _ "I should really have you executed for calling us children" the Empress retaliated.  _ I guess we don't have a justice system. The Fire Nation does. We're too decentralized. _ Katara glared at Toph's words and I forced myself to laugh before Wuhan could do the  _ dao  _ thing with his  _ dao _ . "Her Imperial Majesty is-" but Katara interrupted me,  _ oh good, I was trying to help you afterall _ , and went “Her calluses are fine and she’ll have no trouble walking after-” but she in-turn was interrupted,  _ that's Imperial Justice for you, now, time for your ethnic group to burn because they called us a bad name _ , by a loud  _ smash  _ as Toph hit the ground with all her might, quaking us all. “Woo! I’m back! Now, Kyoshi, do the bow thing!” and I tried to do the kowtow thing as the Empress walked over to me and halted exactly one fallen tree length away from me. I got on my knees to bop my head before realizing that I can't properly bow because...hand. "I can't bow, Your Majesty" I commented. She blew on her bangs and ignored my humility to turn around and jump up and down on the soil. “Sugar Queen, why are my feet all tingly? Did you make my feet tingly?" Katara, the little credit I can give to her, due, spoke like a professional healer when she pointed at  _ -can you stop pointing, it really doesn't help-  _ Toph's feet and explained “Because they are healing. I removed the burns but the feet are...well most people would feel immense pain from the raw skin-” but she had to stop as a result of all the loud smashing and  _ Toph’s not paying attention to her _ . “Pain? What pain?” Toph yelled in happiness while pulling an earth wall out and  _ kicking  _ it. “This proves Her Imperial Majesty to be as unbreakable as the earth itself!” some intelligent, definitely a graduate of Ba Sing Se University, member of the Imperial Guard declared. And the Guards cheered. Katara, nervous, like a patient mother, brought her hands together and went “It would be wise to...return for further healing sessions-” but Toph ran up to her, stuck her tongue out, and went “Nah.” Then she ran past me, sure to stop and go "You owe me one bow later" before screaming “Qiang! Where are you! Come out, let’s kick some rocks!” and running towards...the train carriages. 

Katara looked at me funny. It was like the look of a mother angry her son is staying out late. Or doing something stupid. Not that I can fault her. Except I totally can. “I...why?” she yelled all high pitched and flailed her arms about. “Why run off? Why not listen?” she screeched, annoyed in her classic  _ Katara-is-annoyed  _ tone. “Because Her Imperial Majesty decreed that she is fine. So, she is fine.” and I bowed to them, except for the hand part, before slowly walking off to chase after the Empress who was now rolling around in the dirt, probably kissing it.  _ Definetely  _ kissing it. Because she's Toph and there's very little if anything she yearns for like the ground. “Your Majesty! What of the Dai Li song and dance routine?” I called across the field to the woman actively kissing the ground. Like, she stuck her hands into the earth like she was hugging someone, and dragged herself to the grass's height to then kiss it. Upon my call, she paused to command “Dai Li! Do what he said!”, her tone clearly upset someone interrupted her private  _ oh-I-love-the-earth  _ session.

And the Dai Li only understood one way of doing things. They slid out the doors of the monorail and out into the center of the field. Because, as we all know, running is for us weak nonbenders. Want to know how to travel in style? Earth waves, like Toph, or earth skating, like the Dai Li and sometimes also Toph. They formed the same lines as last time. One of them happened to have His Holiness’s pet flying lemur chasing his green-tail on his conical hat. I didn't see that man's face,  _ I miss lots of things _ , but imagined that  _ maybe  _ that'd upset the agent. So before the agent grabbed the flying piece of dinner and crushed it's life essence like some  _ daofei's  _ neck, I yelled “Avatar, your lemur” and I pointed at the absurd sight of a man trying to maintain his stoneness while a lemur ran around his hat. The Avatar yelled “Momo!” followed by a whistle. The flying lemur got off harassing this poor, poor, assassin and part-time backup singer, and flew over to his friend. Momo rested on the top end of Aang’s staff, as one end was tickling the ground and the other tickling the air, joining the other friends of the Avatar in watching this nonsensical band of Dai Li form up to do their third, maybe fourth, maybe fifth favorite hobby.  _ Protecting the Empress, protecting Ba Sing Se, assassinating opponents of the realm... _ it depends on what “Protecting the Cultural Heritage” includes. It's got a long list of possibilities and even longer list of who does and doesn't count as a  _ possibly  _ traitor. For instance, foreigners. 

The lead agents sang the main stanza, the backups provided a even beat throughout the duration of the song and the chorus? The chorus  _ loved  _ their section of the song. 

_ Imagine me and you, I do _

_ I think about you day and night _

_ It's only right _

_ To think about the girl you love _

_ And hold her tight _

_ So happy together _

Chorus:

_ I can't see me lovin’ nobody but you _

_ For all my life _

_ When you're with me, baby, the skies will be blue _

_ For all my life _

And on and on they went, singing about easing minds and how no matter the odds, the protagonist and his lover  _ were  _ going to end up together, and then two more stanzas about the exact same thing (the same words, too), the odds of love and all that...

The chorus was pretty good. Really pulled at the heartstrings of people who weren't awestruck by the nonsensical juxtaposition of assassins being excellent singers.

Now, if I told myself a few years ago that a gaggle of Kyoshi Warriors, a  _ team  _ of them, Suki’s fellow warriors, girls who knew me from a young age, girls who I wrestled with and who practiced their lessons on I, were going to gather and watch a performance of a bunch of people who I didn’t even know exist then, let alone know of their capabilities in assassination, intrigue, deception and so on, I’d have laughed. Because surely nobody was as well trained as the Kyoshi Warriors. Nobody. We had the best nonbenders in all Four Nations.  _ I'd argue we still do _ . We had the best fighting force in all Four Nations. If I was told that in addition to being stone-cold assassins who can seemingly vanish and reappear across a city or a continent, they were also excellent singers, I’d have laughed. Because... _ why? How? _ Younger me was an idiot. I mean...not much has changed, but  _ still _ . I've seen half of what I wish I could see but far more than someone who didn't travel much,  _ save a few daring escapades,  _ from his home island. The Imperial Dai Li Choir -note, these aren’t even the official members these were just the agents who were on the boat to Gaoling and weren't the official Choir just the Battalion Choir- is perhaps the greatest example of the superiority of Ba Sing Se -and by extension the Empire- over the rest of the world. Other lands are busy clubbing each other over a scrap of seal meat or burning their kids’ faces off because something something honor, or are a pile of ash, but us? We’ve got this. We've got assassins who can  _ sing _ . 

While Katara was fanning herself to prevent fainting from the insanity and possibly the mental image of her boyfriend, Aang and Sokka looked on with confusion, the Kyoshi Warriors marched forward. The whole platoon of them. I was about to shout for Suki but then I heard her singing.  _ Suki, why are you singing. What even is going on in my -correction Her Imperial Majesty's- Empire anymore? Why are you singing? Are we all losing our minds? What's even reality? Do I need a whiskey? Is this what not-having-enough whiskey feels like? Is this what cactus juice feels like?  _ She was singing the chorus. Then the rest of her troops joined her. They sang the chorus beautifully, much to the applause of the allowed-to-express-emotions Imperial Guard and doubly amazed Team Avatar. The Dai Li? Standing there, stiff as stone. In a romantic story, the two groups might join together to sing the chorus. Nope. The Captain of the Dai Li and his flapping cuffs ordered the Dai Li to give chase to the Earth Empress who  _ only just at that moment did I realize  _ was kissing the snout of Lord Qiangyang. 

I needed a single whiskey. No, I needed ten. I ordered the current local head of the Dai Li. “Captain, get your men inside. We still have a boat to go obtain.” He stopped on an earth coin, spun around elegantly, bowed to me, and yelled in his coldish voice “Men! Back to the carriages!” and they as a single mass skated across the earth to the carriage. I shouted to the Empress who was busy petting her beloved brutal badgermole. “Your Majesty!” She backed up, resting on her feet and Lord Qiangyang licked her chest-to-hair. She then raised her left hand -I was to her left so it's directed at me- and in a upset tone, yelled “Kyoshi, I’m busy! Leave me alone!” So I walked back to inquire why my cousin and her wonderful troops were...doing that singing thing. Except I didn’t make it because there’s no such thing as 'simply getting something done.' This is the Empire. We don't know what _simple_ even means. A rock glove grabbed me by the back of my Robe, which, at that moment, I was grateful to have remembered to tie on properly. Then I got pulled to the ground and was dragged across this grassy field. All the way up to an Empress and her friend. I tried to kowtow, but couldn't. Instead, I simply said “Good day, Lord Qiangyang,” sat down, and was rewarded with a _lick._ "There’s the badgermole I know, fear, and adore." I said, the feel of a giant tongue fresh on my face. I looked at Toph. She grinned. “Your Majesty” I tried to edge-in, but was cut off with a _lick._ _Yes, yes, I love you too, Lord Qiangyang_. “Can we please get back on the carriage? Ba Sing Se awaits.” She grabbed me by my randomly tossed about hair -I wonder who caused that- and stated “Qiang has more shoulder punches to give” and pulled me _slightly further over_ while Lord Qiangyang raised his talons. _No. I don’t want to be impaled. Or sliced in_ _two._ He put a single talon in Toph’s hair, his pink footpad, _that belongs on the floor,_ hanging in mid-air. I accidentally made the stubbed-toe noise upon seeing this gigantic talon, the size of Toph, gently rest in Toph's hair. She giggled and he _licked_ me once again. And another _lick_. Each time, more and more badgermole tongue would make my Robes smell like badgermole. Did I mention another lick? He had to give one more to finish things off. “That’s all his thanks for the other day!" and she finished ruffling my hair with her hands and pulled back _slightly._ "Here’s mine” and she punched me so hard in my shoulder I screamed and fell over. I would’ve asked for help but she stomped the ground and now she was chest-to-face with me again. 

I was dragged by my hair back to the carriage, where I will conclude this section.

One day, we’ll actually go home.

Oh, and Katara has to get around to healing my hand at some point. Or not. I'm not that much of a fan of her healing, as much as I like it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet the MOON PEOPLE. They worship the Moon.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Piggyback-riding Folks:  
> -The Fire Nation is not named after being hot, nor are the Water Tribes named for being cold. But this is the Empire, and even a drunken exhausted ramble can be turned into a Imperial Edict.   
> -Mori regrets not being perceptive (ha) enough to notice the flying bootleg Molotov Cocktail in time.   
> -Pu-On Tim is not on the ceiling. But he will still learn of these events. Somehow. (It's magic).  
> -The literacy rate in the Earth Empire is quite low. A byproduct of this is even Earth Sages lack the ability to do basic mathematics. As to why this one Sage consulted the local village maidens? I'll leave that up to your -and Pu-On Tim's- imagination. ;)  
> -Did you expect a random self-aware joke in a completely random chapter of this? No? What's your problem, you've never read my writings before? (Thanks for reading, by the way)  
> -When Mori is convalescing, his mind tends to wander. Take the time of the waterbender and seal jerky deodorant. Not that he's convalescing, no no no, he's Mori, THE EARTH EMPEROR.  
> -Mori and Toph's adventures, the first time, between Gaoling and Ba Sing Se will be showcased at random points throughout the writing. The full story's that they wandered north and go into far too many fights for two underage children, er, teenagers, but hey, they made it somehow so the stakes don't matter. Nobody's going to go 'wow will Toph beat this stereotypical buff dude' because...she will. The end.  
> -The joke of Mori being able to do whatever he wants will return.   
> -Toph was, in fact, pained by having her feet cleaned. If a simple pedicure makes her livid then only the Spirits, and she, knows what it feels like. But she didn't yell because hey, making fun of the Consort outweighs all anger from being blinded.  
> -Toph is not a child, she is a young woman.   
> -Year One and a Half is not a numbering system. Technically, she's only a quarter of the way through the first year of being the Empress (she was declared Queen a year prior).   
> -For all he whined, Mori was quite happy to try and pretend to be a ostrich horse. That's just...part of being the Consort.  
> -Remember what I said before about time? I was wrong. Peasant rebellions/daofei uprisings are a good way of judging time.  
> -'Northerner' is not the correct title for Captain Wuhan. Only a hundred thousand words are devoted to his arc.  
> -Wuhan gets his own arc.   
> -Sneak-peak (much like Suki sneak-peaking on Sokka) for this: The Captain of the IMG is really good at ripping throats out. With his bare hands.   
> -Katara's comments were executable. Mori kind of forgot about that (maybe).  
> -Chong is a reference to the Nomads from "Cave of Two Lovers". There's another Chong that you'll read about in future and his adventures roughly 300 years prior to this. One's a Nomad, the other is, was, the Crown Prince of the Earth Kingdom.   
> -The song the Dai Li sing is "Happy Together" by The Turtles ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZEURntrQOg )


	18. (83-1) The Hair Chapter (Also Includes a Folktale)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While doing up Toph's hair, Mori recounts a story of a long-distant hero of the continent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the following chapter (Moon People) were originally going to be one chapter that just happened to have two big storybeats to it, but then I realized that Mori and Toph discussing a folktale has little to do with some kind of moon-cult that also involves Sokka at some point because why not. 
> 
> So enjoy the (smaller) part of the two chapters. The next half (er, 2/3) is coming out...soon. 
> 
> The 16 kudos are appreciated! I'm about 500k words in, in terms of writing, and for chapter's sake I'm about 57 or 58 chapters in (yes, there's 58 chapters with ~9k words each +a couple thousand from edits).

Chapter Eighty-Three (The First):

“Toph, will I ever get to queue my hair again?” I asked while lying down, said woman combing _her_ hair with what was moments ago a sheet of metal. Now, it’s a comb. _Because, metalbending_ . _Metalbending's quite cool. Or, perhaps, it's quite sharp._ “Only when I get tired of it.” and she pulled said undone hair because hey, she’s the Empress and I’d rather not get catapulted into the Mo Ce. _Note, I’m on the eastern end of the Earth Empire, so the joke only makes sense if one understands geography. Imperial Archivists are incompetent, and I can say that with a smirk._ “Why don’t you cut it if you don’t like it?” she asked, turning the comb into a blade and hilt with a simple motion. _One, that's kind of terrifying. Two_ ... _time for a history lesson? Is it time for a history lesson? I'm going to go with 'yes.'_

“Couldn’t I ask the same of you, Toph?” I asked, trying to sit up but coming up against the leg that belonged to Toph, _as opposed to someone else?,_ who believed my torso was a...under-knee rest. My question was referring to her elbow-length hair. “My hair is mine. Need I say more?” _Well...I could make a case for the same_ . And she turned the blade back into a comb and resuming combing her own hair, as if she needed to prove that point. _It was a point. Now it's a comb_ . The dim room made it hard enough to see her, then again the lantern hanging on the wall behind her was _behind_ her. And things being behind other things tend to mean that the former is eclipsed by the latter. Even if the latter is short. “Between Kyoshi Island and Ba Sing Se, it’d be a bad thing to take such drastic measures”. She tossed some of her hair back over her face, only to blow on it and make it levitate for a blink-of-an-eye, only to then grab it again and stroke it with her comb. While doing so, she partially faced me. “Why? I’m the Earth Empress. If I say everyone's free to cut their hair they're free to cut their hair.” _That’s...drastic. Or...you make it sound quite drastic. Define cutting. Define hair._ I swapped to a formal voice because such a simple command has such...massive consequences that nobody would understand. _And when I say nobody I mean Lord Egg who doesn't seem to care what traditions or rules are and just does as he wishes when he wishes._ “Your Majesty, I suppose you’ve never noticed that _every_ official, officer, magistrate, general, and even the last Earth King, had long hair.” “Why would I notice?” and she waved her hand in front of her face. _Hey...I saw that. Even with the whole one eye thing._ Her more serious counter, in the form of a semi-sarcastic tone, was such. “When you stand up with your hair loose, I can see, well you get what I mean-" and she hit the bed with her right foot "-you and it looks like you’ve got a cape attached to your head. Which is nice. Capes are nice.” _Which is why you haven’t worn one in months, right?_ “Would you like a history lesson?” I asked her. I didn't include all the formal titling because after a whole night of enjoyable Imperial Pillow-ing, _yes, Pu-On Tim, I know you're going to take that the wrong way_ , sometimes I do as she instructs and refer to her with her name, Toph, while she refers to me with mine, Kyoshi. _That's my name. Yup_ . When done with the almost-no combing she did, she switched to teeth-picking since she just had ‘very early breakfast’ according to the attendant who brought it. Such a breakfast is so early I'm pretty certain the only reason we call it breakfast and not dinner is because Her Imperial Majesty eats _breakfast_ when she wakes up, and _dinner_ before she goes to sleep. Of course, Her Imperial Majesty has both endless endurance and bouts of being tired, with the tiredness definitely being the product of something...something other than choosing to fall back on her bed and lounge around when she feels like it. So...sometimes she might be eating multiple breakfasts in one day, but I'm also quite certain she has no concept of day or night and as such her whole existing is merely a neverending breakfast. _Why am I suddenly hungry? Oh, yeah, because the attendant brought food for Toph and I tasted it for her, approved it for her, and passed it off to her only for her to eat everything and because I was too tired I didn't complain about not having anything so I just sat back._ Back to stories... “Only if you can make it as boring as possible, Kyoshi. And include explosions.” and she mimicked an explosion with her hands. So I tried to be entertaining and _didn’t make this up as I went along, no way_ . _Nope_. For the sake of this, Toph pulled her feet back to let me sit up and properly talk with my hands.

The following is the Imperial Mandated revision of "The First Earth King, Supreme Ancestor Huang."

“Our amazing story that contains at least a few explosions began in ancient times. Things were boring then. People grow up, maybe joined the military, then died. It wasn't nearly as fun as nowadays. With Siege Cannons. And biplanes. And _metalbenders_ ." one shoulder punch later, I continued. "A bunch of Earth Warlords were running around one of those ancient days going ‘wow things are boring’ and ‘that’s right’ and ‘he’s right’ and 'he's right, things are far too uninteresting'. They might also have done a little bit of a killing. Then this man of average height and average weight and twenty years old shows up. He’s a peasant. He came from a simple farmer’s family. Did you know he's a farmer? I think he had a sister though some sources say a brother and others say a brother and two sisters. It doesn’t matter. Boom! His village gets attacked by _daofei_ . Though some stories say he was attacked by weird people with a different culture and different standards and a different folk history and everything but they were the _bad_ people and his band of peasants were the _good_ people. Remember Toph. Huang. Good. Other people. Not so good." She was passionately listening. She could've been doing her hair or teeth or something but she instead sat on her legs, hands on her knees, and a face of interest and hunger for more. So I gave her more. "So this good man, this average man, this man who has good parents who he is also good to, he stands up to them along with the rest of his militia and for some reason the farmers armed with farm tools beat these _daofei_ . Now, normally the _daofei_ beat the peasants and it takes an army, a _competent_ army, or one really really awesome person, to kill them all." Toph grinned, and through that grin, asked "Who is this _awesome_ person?" "Melon Lord. Her Melonness." One bout of laughter later, I continued. "This was a period of war!" and I _really, really_ stressed the punctuation _,_ "Not like all the other periods of war. No, this one was both perfectly average and special. Because this man had the surname Lee, first name Huang.” Toph seemed as interested as I was...not...in retelling a fable I did _not_ hear in a tavern, thank you very much. Of course, I also did like retelling this story. Since taverns have good stories hiding in them _wait who told you I was in a tavern I was in no tavern Emperors don't drink anything._

“So there was this other guy, I forgot his name. I think his name was Zhou. He came to a town in Nanchang and a feast was held for him. Only the rich could get in because of nobility. Except this Lee guy walks up to the front door and says ‘I am rich, and I am the purest of the land’ with such an arrogant swagger after the two guards are done laughing, Zhou comes over and hears this and goes ‘okay, you may come in’. The official, Zhou, was so impressed by the stones on this man that he invited him to the rich people table. Which is even better than just the normally rich people table. Then this Huang guy chats up his daughter. The daughter’s all oogie-eye for him and she convinces her dad to let the two marry. They get right to the heir-making, because who needs to wait?” and the last line made Toph cough in laughter. After she was done viciously coughing from her own amusement at this, _no really, she turned red from laughing,_ she asked “That’s not part of the story, is it?” I could only nod and use the most formal voice I could try to have, _composure, do not leave me, don't do it_...“It is. It’s one of the oldest parts of the story, in fact.” She slapped my sides since...I don't know, and cracked up at the realization.

By this point, she threw herself back onto her pillow -since I guess it's more fun to listen to stories when you're lying comfortably?- and rested her long flowing hair on my _face_ . After removing the hair from my face and not being able to remove her hands from forming a small headrest for her while her head rested on my chest, I continued this wonderful tale. “Many years of apparently doing nothing later, boom! This guy is an official. He’s given a job to escort this army of peasants, I’m sorry, prisoners, to help finish construction of a Palace in Ba Sing Se. On the way, some of these farmers get tired of marching and go home. Because...they're farmers. Not builders. My mistake, they're prisoners, not builders. Huang doesn’t want to lose his head, so he does the wise thing and declares open rebellion against the monarch." "How is that wise?" the Empress asked, _every time you lift your head and drop it back down, I feel that. But you don't have to stop, as long as you're having fun._ "It's...not wise, but most people can't claim to have the Mandate of the Spirits on their side." Yet again, I spotted a small smile from her lips. _Hey, you may hate the idea of praying, but don't lie. You like the title nearly as much as you like Lord Qiangyang._ Before I could ponder how much she liked titles, or not, I carried on. "Now, because he’s also a peasant, all these other peasants join him and collectively march to certain doom. Right? Well, the current ruling warlord was a man named Xiang. He dispatched the militias to go handle this peasant rebellion. Did the militias side with a man referred to as a warlord, or a man referred to as a ‘lover of the people?’ I'll let you decide." "The peasant, because like me, he's loved by the people?" and before I could even say 'yes' she was all "I know it's the peasant." and she drew her hand from its resting place to punch the air in support of herself. After resting it back on my bare chest -telling a story does require the removal of my Imperial Informal Robe top...because she said so- I could give the answer she knew. "It was this peasant guy. They loved him." One quite 'yes!' and head-jerk, _ow_ , later, "They deserted Xiang's forces by the thousands.”

"One day, Huang Lee was wandering in the middle of nowhere between a place and a different place. No context necessary. Boom!" and this time when I said 'boom!' I made sure to shake myself to help immerse the blind girl who can't possibly see my hands doing the talking. "A badgermole appeared. It liked him, so the two became best friends." "Like Qiang?" she asked curiously. "Yes, like Qiang" She then punched the air and said "Woohoo! I _told_ you badgermoles make the best of friends!" at the same time. So I went on. "He sets out to marching, his goal, Ba Sing Se-" but I was interrupted by her asking "Who told you that badgermoles make the best of friends? Who? Who?" and I felt the nudging before she began the elbow nudging. "You, Toph." As awkward as this sounds, the beaming smile of hers was quite worth the nonsense. I wasn't about to _repeat_ what I said, _its not like this matters that much_ , so I just went on and skipped some boring stuff about visiting sites that would coincidentally become holy or that one time he might've met the Avatar, and skipped right to the meaty stuff. "Once at Ba Sing Se...it was pretty small back then, no big walls or anything, he ordered that the village around the Palace be spared. He also ordered every village everywhere to be spared. How he got his food is beyond me. Maybe people saw how cool he was and ‘here you go, you get some steak.'" Unlike last time, she waited for me to finish a sentence to cut me off with a question. "Like how when people see Twinkletoes and they start tossing him steaks?" _Everything you said is wrong but also right. This must be one of those Imperial Conundrums._ "I...don't think the Avatar...I mean Twinkletoes, eats steak. But...yes." She went 'hmph' and crossed her arms which required the - _ow-_ dropping of her - _ow-_ head onto my - _ow- is she looking for the sweet spot that she likes to lie against?_ chest. _Ow_ , _yes_ . As she crossed her arms in disapproval, she stated that "I don't like this guy that much, then." _Why, because he has one trait in common with Twinkletoes?_ Perhaps I could reassure her. "When he reached the not-finished Southern Gate, he came upon a predicament. Except, the gatehouse wasn’t finished, so he walked right through. The sight of a man riding a badgermole scared everyone into bowing to him. Not just bowing, _kow_ towing. He walked up the Thousand Steps with his badgermole, which he named Adema, and the two walked into this large expansive inner courtyard in the middle. Xiang drew his evil _dao_ which some stories say was on fire. Huang valiantly fought barehanded against this Xiang man before knocking the dao out of his hand and cutting his head off. The news of this man and his army of a couple thousand smelly peasants showing up to and killing Xiang and his allies, oh yeah, he had allies and they died due to plot contrivance, was enough to scare most of the warlords into going ‘you know what, that man’s the best, I surrender.’” Toph tried to maintain her neutral composure. And failed. She giggled instead. A special note for "the randomly appearing and disappearing allies" as she called them. _Hey, this is a story based on a tavern tale based on likely thousands of years of oral tavern tales based on an event that, while it is known to have existed, likely didn't exist to such a grand scale._

“So they did. Each warlord personally marched to the Palace. Huang sat on a simple stone seat. His badgermole sat behind him, his head perked up to listen to the kowtowing warlords. Clutched between his paws, a large earth coin. A reminder of what would happen to those who defied Huang? Some critics who are no longer alive may say yes. Others say the badgermole understand symbolism. I don't know about you, but I don't expect Lord Qiangyang to understand what centralized power means. Nonetheless, each warlord declared that this man had found the Mandate of the Spirits. Or maybe he did. Someone did, and people started worshiping that title. There might've been a value associated with it at some point. Or maybe not. He became known as the First Earth King and his wife, who had nothing to do for the rest of the story, showed up to be his Queen or Consort or Lady depending on where you hear this story. Their realm? The Earth Kingdom. It might've been the Earth Kingdom beforehand, and it also might've been unified beforehand, but now it was _really_ unified. Instead of a stone seat, they took the idea of ruling peasants to heart and built a giant gold throne. Because...I guess, Huang learned from the _last_ tyrant that if you want to look _really_ majestic, you need to toss all the tax money at something. Like a large golden throne that almost nobody is ever going to see." My lecture was halted by the Empress, again, choosing to bounce her head off my chest in some kind of interruptive-I-will-ask-a-question-now move. "Why is it such a hard chair? Why couldn't they build the Imperial Couch or something?" _I'm sorry, what?_ "It's...it's a chair, Toph. What do you mean?" She took to rubbing her back. "You want to know why I'm never in Ba Sing Se? That chair _hurts_ . It really rubs my back the wrong way. So-" and her voice changed to have a _hint_ of frustration, "-why is it a chair?" _Again, what?_ "I don't know...I don't sit on said chair. I've got one of the once-a-dining-room chairs and can we agree that those chairs are decent?" "Yep. They're comfy." "I'm pretty certain the whole idea of a Consort Throne, one, doesn't exist until you and that one dragon burst in, and two, is supposed to be more comfortable for all the...ahem, _other_ Consort duties. As some old man would probably say in regards to a hopefully-not-underage woman, 'you want to avoid getting tired.'" I'm glad she wasn't listening to the 'ahem' part, or this place would get more euphemism filled than... _well no, not Pu-On Tim, he's far from nuanced._ Back to Toph. "Then why is it that _you're_ the one rushing off on campaign, Kyoshi?" _I..._ "Because...you order me to...?" "Fair enough. That chair's not cushioned enough. And I'm _me!_ " and she flailed her hands about to showcase this point. "I _hate_ cushions! But sitting on that golden seat all...well all the time...it really makes me want to just get up and go kick a wall or something." _And then you get up. And you go kick a wall. Or something_ . "Would you like us to get more cushions?" "Just tell me _why_ it's such an annoying chair to sit in? And it's on top of a whole flight of stairs. So I can't just stroll on up, I mean I _can_ because I'm me, but I've got to walk up a staircase first." _Yes...that's part of showing off how much better you are than everyone else. That's in the Imperial Manual on Ruling the Peoples of the Earth Continent Including Those You Subjugate._ "It's-" _well this isn't a first, me staggering to try and explain something_ , "-it's a giant chair to showcase how you're just...better than everyone else. Kinda simple if you think about it." "But why, at least when I first started ruling, did I have to _climb_ into it? Was it built for giants? Trees?" "How imposing would the Three Nations and One Guy's most important person look if they were sitting in, I don't know, a normal chair? This is the _Empire_ , we like to spend to show off our fanciness. Besides-" _and this is where I get you_ , "-it makes you look awesome." Was I surprised at the ensuing grin? No, of course not. "Then _maybe_ I'll forgive someone's ancestors for making it so hard to get into the chair and to sit in it." To cap this _only the Empress could think of this_ problem off, "At least, you've got the Imperial Bedchambers to relax on." "Ah, yes, let the blind girl crawl around a bed the size of someone's house. _That's a great idea._ " I pinched the bridge of my nose. _There's no winning, the moment I suggest one thing..._

I concluded the story. "In honor of the badgermole, Huang built a badgermole statue that would encompass the throne. Huang spent most of the Kingdom’s tax money on the throne, the statue, and the Palace. All the features he added have remained roughly the same five thousand years later, except with more buildings added to the area around the Palace and it being a Palace Compound now. And all the other buildings being added. And the walls being refurbished. And the _Walls_ being built. When he died, the peasantry rebelled because he just spent all their money on a big chair and a big house. It’s okay, because his son killed everyone who dared rebel and the Kingdom returned to peace. Thus began and ended the first Ba Sing Se peasant rebellion. A bunch of people living in some countryside that they didn't know was actually the property of some guy and his stone chair. But it was. And still is. Five thousand years later, we still have rebellions because some people are just never happy. That concludes my story.” I received accidental arm hits, _correction, elbows_ , because “that’s the funniest story I think I’ve ever heard!” at least according to Toph. After she spent _a lot_ of time laughing, she calmed herself down, _part of that was me reminding her her hair existed by trying, and failing, and trying again, to do it_ , and asked “so what does this have to do with hair?” _What does this have to do with hair? I don’t know._ “Since when were we discussing hair?” She ripped my hands off their gentle action of gently doing up hair that gently needs to be washed, gently, and sat up. After sitting up, she turned around to engage in conversation with me. “This started with you telling me that you had a story about hair. And...what’s the relevance?” _What's the relevance? Who knows._

I had to think about that. I forgot what the relevance was to hair, so I tried to bring up the things I did know, _note, might know_ , about hair and laws of hair. There's...a lot more hair laws than one may think. We take our hair seriously. We groom it and wash it and style it and _...right, Toph, I know you're unfamiliar with these concepts and you're also possibly a goddess so you're above all these concepts, but hear me_ _out_...“Your Majesty, Ba Sing Se’s got some weird traditions.” _How to describe Ba Sing Se in one sentence: It’s got some weird traditions that make it feel like it's its own country inside a country_. She refrained from laughing at a description of her capital because I think she and her hair were genuinely _...wait did you just treat her hair like it's its own thing?, well it does have a mind of its own, because there's no explainable way it gets everywhere the moment she falls asleep_...well I think _she,_ her hair less so, was quite interested in hearing this ramble. “Once one comes of age, they do not cut their hair. Back on Kyoshi Island, there was no law like this. That’s why Suki has short hair. Or...short-ish. It's _possible_ for her to tie it up. I don't know if there's some folktale based reason for doing so or she just likes short hair, but she has it like she has it. And I used to have similarly short hair, long ago. But in Ba Sing Se, nobody cuts their hair. Instead, it’s tied into a tight queue. There’s an official procedure for it and being spotted with hair undone is a big no-no.” she interrupted me, since I guess her intrigue ended. “But I’m the Earth Empress. I order that people wear their hair as they want!” and she grabbed her hair and tousled it between her fingers. _Please stop messing up the hair I spent no time at all to do_. As I explained, “Most of the Earth Empire will still wear their hair in queues. Or topknots.” She chose to insist that “They should know they have a choice as to whether they want their hair cut or not." _Was that a proclamation._ “What? You want me to grab a scroll and write this down?” and I reached for where my scrolls would normally be. Some desk, somewhere to my left. Hard to see, both because _everything's hard to see_ , Toph's blocking the lantern, and also because... _don't make the eye joke. Don't make it._ My request for requesting competent bureaucracy was rewarded with “Nah, I’d rather continue listening to this nonsensical rambling. Continue” and she waved her hands for me to continue. “I’ve been told that the peculiar law comes from...many sources.” _It comes from one trying to show proper respect to their parents. In doing so, they believe that as the hair comes from their parents, they should not cut in once they are considered adults. I’m not going to tell Toph this. Because it sounds awfully similar to something Lao Beifong might insist upon. And I’m not doing my hair like this because I want to show respect for anyone’s parents. I do it because it’s the norm of the Earth Empire and as Consort, Imperial Commander and figurehead for the people, it’s my responsibility to balance out Toph’s popular support with her hatred of nobles._ _There’s another reason. It has to do with Kyoshi. I’ll mention it later._ “It doesn’t matter the source, for I follow whatever Your Majesty wishes. If you want me to have short hair, I’ll have short hair.” she yawned and reached down to grab her toes and pull them to her. She then proceeded to pick them. I almost asked how she could do this amidst the darkness, but... _she's blind. How dark can it possibly be?_ “I have long hair. I love my hair. It’s mine.” she gave a statement with some genuine happiness to it. Since, as Pu-On Tim knows, she rarely uses the word 'love'. She then grabbed her undone tangles and kissed them. I offered my own 'hey I like my hair' remarks of “And I find the long auburn queue to be distinctive and quite helpful-” but was cut off by her yelling “More importantly, I get to grab it!” and she grabbed some of the hair that _would_ go into a queue if it was in a queue, which it’s not. And she played with the hair, twirling it around in her hands. While she had fun, I sat up and asked “Speaking of hair, want me to do yours into a bun?” I prepared for her to say ‘sure why not.’ Instead, the woman who just woke up and doesn't really _see_ day and night like the rest of us said “I’ve been waiting all day."

I requested a comb and was given a metalbent one. Because...for some reason I had imagined a 'comb' to be a utensil dedicated to the activity. Like I'd call for a comb and some attendant would emerge from somewhere else and hand me a comb. _Nope_ . At some point quite recently, this was a piece of metal attached to a wall. I have to hope it had no strategic purpose in being on that wall, and my scabbard and in turn my blade is out of reach of the Empress and her small hands. _Wait...does that mean you can reforge metal without the need for a blacksmith? Or is meteor-metal too pure or something?_ I didn't want to find out. That's a nice blade and it's yet to get a proper slicey slicey name. Toph, for my sake and not really hers, took to sitting like a normal person would instead of making me work from such odd angles as: her sitting on a chair and me sitting on the floor because there's only one chair because the other one was thrown out a window. Her lying back _on my person_ to enjoy the comforts of a pillow while also demanding her hair be done. And let us not forget, in the middle of a military campaign in the capital of a country so hot they identify themselves with heat and their flag's practically on fire. _No, no, don't bother with wondering why the two of us have worked up a sweat. Just enjoy the toasty climate_ . I worked my way around her hair while she practiced metalbending, transforming a different sheet of metal into a miniaturized statue of herself. She took the statue and handed it to me. I wasn't going to examine it for details, it had the rough hair shape of a bunned woman, and as expected, it was short. _Because it's a statue. A small statue made from a small sheet of metal_ . Toph's ensuing demand of "Put this on the nightstand. You never know when we might need it to whack someone's head in in the middle of the...well when we sleep" made me question if she knew about something I didn't. _Are we about to get assassinated? That's not fun_ . I took her statue and _tried_ to put it on the nightstand, only for I to drop it onto the nightstand...and it to fall to the ground and loudly _thud._ "Was that my statue, Kyoshi?" _Stop vibrating. I get it. You like statues_ . "That...was, Toph." "I _like_ statues. They commemorate all my best moments. And _I_ think I look quite perfect in all my own self-portraits. Much better than those blank pieces of canvas that the Court Painter waves in front of me while explaining it with words like 'vibrant colors' and 'really immersive.'" _Right, right, of course. You're blind._ "If you don't like his work, why keep him alive?" _Why do you suggest these things?_ " _Other_ people like his work, and I've heard lots of men and women make noises of 'I like this' and 'this looks really good' and 'it's so colorful' and 'it's so accurate' and they're all telling the truth...so why not keep him?" _Pardon me then, I took it to mean you were offended by his work. Then I remembered that you can't see art._

Back to the business of hair. “Can I wash your hair?” _Why ask these stupid questions? She’s going to say no_ . _You know she's going to say no. She knows she's going to say no. Just don't propose it and save yourself the embarrassment of having one person -and possibly the ceiling listening in-_ _laughing at your idiocy._ “No” she replied, crossing her arms to protest the mere _thought_ , let alone the _suggestion_ , of having one's hair washed. Since I've been around Her Imperial... _for once, Earthliness actually works_ ...long enough, I proposed “Is this because of the whole 'protective layer of earth?'” To this, she smiled. “Yup.” _Fine...proposition one, failed. Contingency plan one, initative. Let's see if this offensive succeeds where the other one didn't_ . “Does Your Majesty wish for me to do your hair into a bun? Her response was as wily as a feigned retreat. “Listen Kyoshi, getting a hair massage is fun.” and she even massaged her own hair with her hands. Massaged the hair that I _just combed_ . And by massaged I mean messed up using the power of hands. _Hairbending. It's hairbending_ . Back to the point, _discussing how great hair massages are, something we can agree on, is not an answer. That’s not even relevant._ I took it as a no because she didn’t ask for a hair massage and I’m too stupid to figure out that doing Her Imperial Majesty’s hair in a formal manner is akin to a fun hair massage for her. Because...I'm not a person, I'm a pillow with hands, feet and a Piandao-forged _jian_ but also sometimes a meteor _jian_ . So I finished the combing, accidentally assembling a pile of dirt below me and atop these lush blankets, and tried my best to back off. One tug to pull together all her hair, _you have a lot of hair,_ some swipes to roll said hair over itself and bun. I mean done. A bun. A hair bracelet with two small white puff-balls is included. _Can we change that? Maybe get something more...gold? And...tassel-ey? Tassels are fun. Just ask my scabbard._

My Imperial Informal Robe still needed to be washed. Not that Toph cared. Afterall, earthbenders like having protective layers of earth. _It may or may not be an excuse to transgress the concept of showers. Or not. She's the Empress of Ten Thousand Years. What do I know?_ It didn't stop me from begging that “I’d prefer to take a shower” despite knowing full well that this shower had no... _no, this train had no shower_ . They had all the other amenities but importing water on a moving vehicle? A fantasy. We’d have to wait until we reached the coast. Amidst the twilight, I took my hair and did it into a queue. While I _like_ having the company of my cousin to go do my queue for me, I'm quite capable of doing my hair, _thank you very much._ Toph vanished, not like an Avatar, but like Toph tends to do from time-to-time, to go wage war against metal and win. As I finished my queue, she returned, _please don't destroy my queue._ I noted her wardrobe change. “Nothing says Empress of the Earth Empire like the wrestler outfit of the Blind Bandit”, which was followed by her fist-punching-air with her fist, _as opposed to...? her foot?._ Despite my obvious joking, the statement _is_ true. My missing eye and auburn hair, her lifeless stare -which isn’t that terrifying if you know her- and wrestler outfit, these are as iconic as we are. Sure, there's a poster hanging in practically every still-standing house of Her Imperial Majesty in her Springtime Robes, but that's before she got tired of all the scratchy fabrics, ripped it all off, and went back to what makes her feel comfortable. In putting on clothes, _no, sleep clothes don't count,_ namely iconic clothes, she was made tenfold more formal. Considering the outfit, though, that’s still a zero. 

In putting my hair into a queue I stopped looking like an unkempt wild man -a tree man, to be specific- and started looking like a member of the Upper Ring. When I first came to Ba Sing Se, I pondered that the queue was part of a cultural ‘problem’. Recall, I just walked off from the Colonial versus Fire National Culture War, where native Shirahamans desired protecting their mixed culture from the topknot wearing golden eyes of the Fire Nationals who had chosen to take over much of the lower government through central bureauctic means. Sure, the local government _was_ corrupt and a few purges were necessary, but completely destroying their identity was...not going to bode well for the Fire Nation. I had incorrectly assumed Ba Sing Se was a mix of cultures. The Upper Ringers wore queues and controlled the Lower Ring. It was one of the ‘many things’ that needed to change. When I started interacting with the terrifying men of the Dai Li, it hit me. Kyoshi was all about protecting the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Se. She ordered the Dai Li to wear queues to protect one of the Earth Kingdom’s cultural cornerstones that otherwise, the ragged haired peasants would displace. There is no order for the Mandate-Wielder to wear their hair one way or another. She's the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits, and the only person who _could_ possibly advise her isn't going to tell her to change her hairstyle because...well I'm not going to. And as for the rules applying to myself? If I went against wearing a queue, I’d be going against the nobles and I’d be going against the ethics of Kyoshi. So I have to maintain it. It's symbolism of the thousands of years of nobility and the last thing they need, after the uppermost echelons were exterminated by dragonfire, is to be stripped of their ranks. Nobles have one thing peasants don't. Money. And money buys power. And money can buy a peasant rebellion. And I wish to learn from the likes of Xiang or Huang, unless you happen to have defeated a tyrant in a mythical battle, it's a good idea to appease the elements of your government that _are_ competent. And for all the peasantry cries that the government is totally corrupt and evil, I don't see any of those peasants managing the grand infrastructure projects that the Ministers must do. Or manage the traffic. Or manage future projects, like housing or monorail expansions. These things don't just pop up because a bunch of uneducated men willed them into being. So, sure, the Empire's government is probably quite corrupt and the top-most ranks are likely _very_ incompetent, but that's not the entire government. 

_Where was I...right, right, of course._

We sat up, I from my hair-doing and musings and Toph from her hair-doing and self-applause. Toph asked “When’s Twinkletoes going to leave? When are _we_ going to leave?” A bang on the door. The Northerner's voice broke through the kind-of-a-silence that had held grasp over this room for the past...twilight of time. “Your Majesties, we have reached Minquan!” I opted to look out the window, and indeed, dawn was coming.

We were approaching a walled town of some kind.

_Minquan. Home is but one ship-ride away._

Now...what kind of absolute cactus-juice fueled insanity waits for us? Because what port town is complete without insanity? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (Or: Please explain all the hairy business)  
> -Imperial Archivists, much like most professors in Ba Sing Se, have never traveled much beyond their realms. And whereas professors may leave for scientific (ha, science? We're the Empire!) reasons, Archivists sit around and organize scripture.  
> -But what about second breakfast? Toph thinks it's great.  
> Appendix: On Badgermole Kings and Tavern Fables:  
> -Precedent: I took many creative liberties to 1) fit in the world of Avatar better (daofei fighting builds legitimacy, badgermole thrones, et. all) and 2) make a story that Toph would laugh at. Fun fact: The idea of this story was inspired by a conversation between myself and one of my friends where I started rambling "So this average guy is average until he's not" and lo, and behold, I ended up with this.  
> -Huang is named after Qin Shi Huang, founder of the Qin Dynasty and first Emperor of China. However, his 'story' shares many similarities with Liu Bang, the founder of the Han Dynasty (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Gaozu_of_Han#Birth_and_early_life).  
> -Both are treated like some kind of supreme ancestor that anyone with legitimacy claims descent to (he ruled the Han and the Han Chinese ethnic group is massive, you do the math as to why). This is due to events from below:  
> -Both started as peasants and grew up 'in a time of warlords', the end of the Warring States for Bang and a period of warlords for Huang.  
> -Both were recognized as 'somebodies' at a feast using "Fake it till you make it".  
> -Both are given the task of escorting prisoners to build a large structure (the First Emperor's Mausoleum for Bang and the Royal Palace for Huang)  
> -Huang's fight with Xiang bears similarity to two figures who were rivals of Liu Bang. The tyrannical First Emperor (aforementioned) who built a massive Palace and a man named Xiang Yu, a powerful warlord and 'Hegemon King of Chu' to whom Bang fought for 4 years before unifying China under the Han Dynasty.  
> -Sadly, there were no fire swords. What a missed opportunity.  
> -Or badgermoles holding earth coins. Then again, Liu Bang didn't ride a dragon into Luoyang. If he did, that would've been pretty cool.  
> Appendix over (Check in next paragraph for appendixes on Moon People)  
> -There may or may not be a manual about ruling others. For close inspiration, check Legalism.  
> -The hair laws are based on this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_Chinese_clothing#Hats,_headwear_and_hairstyles), tldr, no cutting hair once you reach adulthood with the presumption that a young man living in subpolar conditions would be a young adult as soon as he completes a rite of passage and is capable of hunting, fishing and providing for his village.  
> -Toph likes statues. There are lots of small metalbent statues of her, that she made for the sake of practicing, that dot all kinds of nooks and crannies in all kinds of places you might not expect to find a statue. Like a clothing closet-room. Or underneath a bed. Or on a active-use nightstand. Or in any room that Toph ever visited in the Imperial Party Train.  
> -Governments aren't evil for the sake of evil. You'll learn soon enough (and by soon enough I mean ~10 chapters from now, which is 'soon') that the Imperial Bureaucratic System is broken and bloated to the point of the top Ministers only seeming to care about whose blamed for the latest River Palace not being built on time with the correct dimensions for the fourth bedroom.  
> -That said, the Empire functions...somehow. Even if it appears to be magic, it's not magic. There are lots of hard working men (and someday in a hundred chapters from now, women) who are but small parts of a much bigger network of officials and institutions.  
> -Mori's following of something contradictory to Toph's desires is because of Kyoshi's Ethics/the Dai Li (who are a logical extreme of those ethics. And extreme is the polite way to put it. Literally). This may come back to hurt him in the future, since his ideas on following 400 year old laws don't mesh well with Toph and her...well...she's Toph.


	19. (83:2) The Moon People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empress and her friends stumble on a town of mysterious locals and mysterious folktales.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any resemblance to real religions is coincidental. Any real religions are meant to feel satirized from this. Wait...that's not coincidental then. That's deliberate.
> 
> Pardon me while the Moon People kill me for heresy. 
> 
> *Dies*.

Chapter Eighty-Three (The Second One):

From a distance, I could've confused the capital-in-all-but-name of Huizhou for any Earth Empire town.  _ It's not the capital, because the province of Huizhou isn't unified enough to have a capital _ . It had houses of locally quarried stone with wooden supports, basic eaves, low-pitched or flat roofs and a low two-story wall separating the town from the countryside. Like other Earth Empire towns, many buildings had green roofs. A central tower, the town center, sat three stories tall and half a block wide. Unlike other towns, this one had a large spire off in the northeastern part of the town. It was decorated with a flag of a design that  _ looked  _ like a red sun. I would've seen more then, but one, I only have one eye, and two, it vanished behind the walls as we came upon the city,  _ town? _ , proper.

A small crowd of peasants and one or two fancy-hat wearing noblemen. That's what greeted us, according to someone with eyes. Not a massive crowd like I might've thought.  _ But that might make sense, we aren't in a city. _ . “Let’s go before they start  _ cheering _ ” quipped Toph, who was already at the doorway because  _ who needs patience?  _ “My Imperial Armor?” I asked, more of a plea, but technically an ask. “Hold still” and I held still. She kissed her fingers, picked up the heavier-than-it-looks armor with ease and helped me into it. I did up the last few knots and strings, put on my helmet, threw a bow over my back, took one of those back quivers with only a couple arrows, adjusted my scabbard for easy-drawing and easy-slicing and followed her out. 

Suki and Wuhan kowtowed while a woman half their height strolled between them. Half their height and quite ready to kick a wall twice her height down. With one toe. As the person following her, I opted to stop and speak for Her Impatient Majesty. “A good morning to both of you." The Empress continued her walking. I could but gesture to her and state “Forgive her, Her Imperial Majesty can’t wait to get on a boat.” Suki and Wuhan, at the same time, cracked up from this. “I bet ten gold you’ll never say that again” from Suki, “fifteen” from Wuhan. “A hundred and fifty, and the most expensive drink at the Jasmine Dragon, because I'm rich and that's a good use of my gold” I challenged. “Deal” they said at the same time.  _ Good. Because I want to lose gold _ . Meanwhile, Toph had walked off to a random wall, knocked it down, and walked out.  _ Who needs doors, right?  _ As a result, the line of Imperial Guard had to sidestep some twenty paces - _ syncronized sidesteps, go!- _ because otherwise they’d be guarding a doorway nobody used. “Your Majesty! Wait up!” I shouted after her. The Dai Li interrupted my sad excuse for a chase by sliding past and around me to properly chase their casually strolling Empress.

I caught her looking, well, standing in front of and eyeless-staring, at the chest of a bald man about my height, thin mustache, pointy chin and a nose that looks like someone recently hammered it.  _ Did you get your nose broken? We have a moody healer in our party who isn't in our party and she'd be happy to heal everyone because her boyfriend's that kind of egg. _ This man wore the garb of a standard Earth Empire official -a green and yellow robe, except instead of yellow it was white- and was flanked to his side by a woman shorter than him. Both had their hands tucked in their sleeves. He had his hair in a topknot, wrapped inside one of those official’s hats. She had hers tied into two braids. A set of guards stood behind the duo, one of which was a bannerman. While he gave his rehearsed “Your Majesties, it is a high privilege to be in Your audience!” speech designed to curry favor with the woman who can’t be lied to and her swords-out-let's-get-slicing bodyguard-also-a-pillow, I looked at the banner. It looked to be a red Sun on a black background. A bannermen further away from the two held the Earth Empire’s standard green-and-gold earth coin emblem. 

I got bored of a speech I wasn’t even listening to and “Magistrate, what is that banner and why do you bear it?” and I pointed at the banner the soldier was carrying. He stopped his speech about tax revenues and loyalty -which judging by Toph’s silent glare meant he was lying through his teeth, but also judging by Toph's lack of action, she wasn't feeling into rock-smashy-smashy right this moment- and looked back at the bannerman. “This is the flag of Huizhou, Your Majesty” and he swiped the  _ ji  _ from the guard and lowered it to show it to me. The Kyoshi Warriors who at some point filed out of the carriage  _ tackled  _ him. “No pointing weapons at His Majesty!” one of them cursed the man. He looked logically distressed while also being pinned down by teenage girls. Sure, that's not something that happens everyday,  _ maybe not for you, Magistrate _ . “Girls, save your fans! He didn’t mean to kill me today!” and my commands successfully called them off. They backed up to my side and I glanced up at the rooftops.  _ Why hello Dai Li, casually sitting on that roof. Stop posing like terrifying spirits of death. Or don’t. You all look great with your dresses flapping about in the breeze _ . I took the banner off the ground and examined it while Suki had her hand on her hilt.  _ No, don’t kill him yet. I know you can't hear me think this, but...don't _ . Toph? She was silent. On closer inspection, it was a red Sun or maybe a moon. Just below the red Sun was a dark blue -so dark that from a distance it looked black- background. The rest of the background was black. Red and black are not colors of the Earth Empire. Or the Earth Kingdom. Or the Earth anything. I tossed the banner to the ground. “Magistrate, what is this banner? We do not wear red in the lands of Her Imperial Majesty.” the way I said it implied that I was arresting him, which would explain why two Dai Li agents showed up with their rock gloves and grabbed his hands and legs from behind. “Can I explain?” he asked, about to break into tears because  _ he just got arrested what else would he be doing? He could be a criminal but most people tend to feel bad for being suddenly grabbed from behind. _ “Go ahead.” I said like I wasn’t about to have him executed because...I forgot.  _ Was I? Something something color war. _ “That is not the flag of the Fire Nation. That is the Moon rising.”  _ The moon. Rising. The moon. You picked a disc for a flag? What is this, the Water Tribes?  _ “Why not make it a half-circle so it’s actually rising?” I inquired, gesturing for the Dai Li to  _ please lay off the wrist locks, there’s like a hundred of us and maybe ten of them and also Toph. I mean your Empress. I mean Her Imperial Majesty. She could probably send everyone in this town into the sea if she felt like it.  _ “It used to be the Moon as it passed us overhead but after the Moon bled months ago, we decreed that-” “Excuse me? Bled? Moons don’t bleed” a random Dai Li agent stated with certainty, ignoring that he's not supposed to interrupt Magistrates since there's probably some Dai Li rule out there that allows interruption of idiots. “Man in funny hat breathing down my neck, were you not present when the Moon bled a year and some months ago?” That's what the Magistrate said.  _ Fine, that makes sense, you don't know he's part of the Dai Li _ .

_ Wait a moment. Bleeding moons. That's so strangely specific...I remember that!  _

_ I had just gotten off work. Lady Ise wanted me to come back to their town center for dinner with the Governor, I wanted to just, finish, this, last, scroll. I could’ve stayed in the Garrison Quarters and continued examining this letter from Governor Ukano to Governor Kozuke, regarding the transportation of the Third Southern Army. Omashu had just...given up without a fight...despite the protracted siegeworks being prepared...and now an entire army had nobody to kill. Letters were arriving at the city recently, warning of a mass Earth Kingdom offensive to “drive the ashmakers into the sea” before the New Year. The return of the Avatar had scared everyone from here -at the time there- to Caldera. Every last official was scared the Avatar would show up in the middle of the night and assassinate them in revenge for the Air Nomads and the Hundred Year War. And judging by the tales of the Avatar that the news was circulating, a master airbender, we were all scared of what he could do. The local Colonial news used to mention that the Air Nomads had brought tempests and hurricanes down upon their own homes, killing tens of thousands of firebenders despite the Comet. Those same reports seemed to hint that he was some teenager with a penchant for lying about his intents. Take, for instance, when his airbending killed a couple hundred soldiers at Pohuai Stronghold. There was also the rumors of the Blue Spirit, some kind of force of nature incarnate in a nonbender, a man who assassinated officers in their sleep and sabotaged supply lines on his own. Were these stories true? Were they false? Did it matter? I was assigned guards because someone, Ise, was nice enough to offer me guards despite me just being me and not being anyone that important. Not that they’d do anything. But the Colonial Governors wanted to reassure their people that, no, they wouldn’t all die from a flood, or a hurricane, or having the air pulled out of our lungs tomorrow.  _

_ I didn’t like sitting inside Oda’s offices all day and night. Shirahama was closer to Kyoshi Island than Yu Dao, meaning we had that cold sea breeze. Firebenders hate the cold, which makes no sense because they can warm themselves up. Needless to say, where was I to go with my scroll? The seaside tavern. That's where. The best place in Shirahama. The soldiers that guarded the city and sometimes even did things had enough respect to, one, not pick a fight with the guy who is checking that they will all indeed be paid, and two, not bother people who are busy with work. Not that I'm that guy, I'm that guy's friend and aide. Because there's nothing more fascinating than reading letters and papers and looking at maps and having to memorize every town in the southwestern Earth Kingdom to understand what those letters and papers mean. I work, they drink. It’s a fair trade.  _

_ This tavern used to be run by a man of the Gan Jin. His snow-colored attire stood out in the city. But Lady Ise’s drive for letting “anyone that wants to run a tavern to run a tavern”, yes the Fire Nation loves their drinks, gave him a job and a tavern when he had the money for said tavern. And his tavern grew in prowess. At the tavern, I encountered fellow men and women of the garrison. Unlike what many may think, the men and women don’t flirt. The few idiotic men that try usually take a bowl of rice to the face. That’s enough discouragement on its own. And if that's not enough discouragement, well...I would have to read the report on my desk come the dawn. So I went out onto the balcony which hung out over the beach and finished reading this scroll. As I learned from other, much older officials, the Earth Kingdom used to talk and try to scare the Colonials but they almost never went on the offensive. As I would see first hand a year later, it's because the Royal Armies were incompetently bad at best and filled with deserters at the worst. They needed unification and save a couple famous Generals, Fong and Yuan came to mind, the local Magistrates were pitifully bad at mustering much of a counter. Spears and crossbows are excellent, but that doesn't make a fighting force. And that's assuming they're using spears and crossbows, not bamboo sticks with pointy tips and slings. And most benders were imprisoned, off to mine coal for the Fire Nation's war efforts. _

_ One of Oda’s underofficers was a man named Lee. He and I both loved practicing archery and that gave me more in common with him than most of those officials, those golden-eyed people that milled about every day and night. Sure we had different dialects, sure, I believed Clear Whiskey to be perfect and he thought Hono Island 'Made from a volcano' Fire Whiskey was better. But we did agree that bowhunting is amazing. I’d often find him in this same tavern, and also hopefully not find him sleeping in it the next day. I couldn’t punish him -'whoops that woman fell into my bed' is what he's say- because the city had so few competent officials that an officer breaking Fire Nation law was the least of my concerns. That said, he was still a nice man. _

_ His troops, the men, the women, and even he himself, got as drunk as possible. They offered me a drink, I refused it because I was going to wait until that courtier returned, so I got to be the one whiskey-less man in a tavern. As I was receiving the courtier and 'the scroll was delivered, sir', Lee and the entire tavern broke into shouting and cursing and screaming. Normally, this would be an average weekday night. Getting wasted on Fire Whiskey does that to people. Nonetheless, it was my job to at least inquire who was getting hammered the most. I ran around the tavern and spotted Lee, off his mind and off his seat, rolling around and yelling. “The moon! It’s on fire!” and he pointed off towards the north. There was a low Moon there, and it was red.  _

_ “Spirits above, what in Agni?” was all I could say. The soldiers that weren’t drunk got on their knees and started praying. I looked off at the beach and 'where’s the tide?' The tide was gone. The water was glasslike. “The Moon bleeds! A portend of the fall of the Avatar!” some woman somewhere said. Then the tavern shouted in agreement and cheers. A toast of drunks was called “to the night the Avatar falls!” which of course, I joined in because I’m in the middle of a Colonial city and I'm terrified that any day now, the Avatar will kill me for working for 'the bad guys'. The soldiers chanted all kinds of crazy theories. “Maybe the Fire Nation laid siege to the moon!”, since they were in the process of developing some kind of secret weapon. “No, the Avatar broke his promise-” note I have no idea what promise he broke “-to the spirits and the Moon is retaliating!” The religious among us were praying, “for all spirits are sacred,” the less religious believed this marked the beginning of a new era; one where the spirits would start being hunted by the likes of the Fire Nation. If dragons could be shot out of the sky, so could spirits. I was caught up in all of this, mostly writing down what people were saying. Why? This was a night to remember. _

_ While they prayed, the Moon returned to normal. Except the moon didn't. It grew. I wasn't losing my mind, it looked like it grew. And the tides didn't come back to normal. They pulled back, which for anyone ever living along a coast means tsunami, but didn’t flood us. They came up to the boardwalk and lapped at us. They must’ve risen an entire story. Off the coast, a cruiser was capsized by these furious tides. The rocky waters maintained a violence to them for the rest of the night. Sometimes in life, there’s no words for these things. You just...stand and watch as a ship, a ship, gets capsized in one wave, the cries of the sailors heard from over here. Sometimes there's just no words for that. _

_ I grabbed a whiskey, downed it, and went back to my guest house next to the town center. Lady Ise requisitioned my scroll and “they said all this?” with a face of shock. _

_ A single month later, when the Princess came to visit, a paper that was 'hidden' according to Lady Ise was kindly handed by her to Princess Azula. Who read this and accused all the soldiers of conspiring against the Fire Lord. Because of course she did. They were all sentenced to death. The lucky ones died from lightning or blue flame, the unlucky ones from Azula “testing out” her fire. And by testing, I mean she’d burn someone with fire at such a low intensity that it wouldn’t kill them. It took eight soldiers and twelve officials to perfect her new method of obtaining information. _

_ Low-intensity lightning. _

_ Poor Lee, he was one of the last to go and the first to go to that lightning.  _

_ Maybe he, Yumi the official, Kei the firebender, Oyama, Kitsuge, Mitsuyama and the rest can reunite...one day. The corrupt ones can scold me if they'd like. Then I'd point at my feet and point at their feet and all of us can remember that all of us were equal in the eyes of the Princess.  _

My mind returned to the present. I was somewhere else entirely. The inside of a town center of some kind. Toph was blowing on her bangs from the comfort of a stone seat to the side. The Magistrate was across from us and one of these flags hung proudly across the wall behind him. “Where, how, and why?” was my inquiry to the two. “You fell over. Now you’re here. The end.”  _ Why thank you, Toph. That’s helpful.  _ I chose to redirect the conversation that they might've been having to my mind. That moon. “Back to the Moon banner…” “Yes?” he raised an eyebrow.  _ No ‘Yes Your Majesty?’ _ . “Red and black are illegal in the Earth Empire. If you want to keep the Moon as a sigil, sure. Have it rising behind green hills.” He pointed out the window, probably at something significant, but I didn't see it. “Your Majesty, the banner is an ancient symbol of Huizhou.”  _ And the Beifong Flying Boar is an ancient symbol of Gaoling and the Beifongs. And...we have it as our sigil. But it's not the emblem of the Empire.  _ “Explain” I sidetracked whatever boat-related conversation they were having. 

“No landmasses lie to the east of Huizhou” he stated with  _ I’m correct _ arrogance. Except he’s wrong. Minquan is nestled between Suxu and Bala, the commanderies. Even if we just consider Huizhou, he’s still wrong. The Eastern Air Temple’s Cape of Rinchen, a crescent shaped peninsula, juts out into the Sunrise Sea. “The Sun and Moon grace us before the rest of the lands of Your Majesties’ Empire.”  _ And you’re still one of our magistrates, calm down with the rebellious sounding words _ . “So? I lived along the South Sea. I don’t worship an iceberg.” I countered. “Your Majesties, the Sunrise Sea grants us fish in times of worship and coastal floods when such prayers are lacking.”  _ What? Prayers for the ocean? You get fish from the sea, not from the moon.  _

“Why is the Moon red, then?” I brought the conversation back around. Toph seemed on the edge of disinterest. “We worship the Sun and Moon as they rise.”  _ Wait a moment. You worship the Sun and Moon?  _ “Let me understand this correctly” I said while trying to not completely lose my formal voice and turn into a laughing madman. “You are in the presence of the Mandate of the Spirits, the Empress of Ten Thousand Years, and you’re proudly admitting to worshipping the sun...and moon?” “We kowtow to the Imperial Palace, Your Majesties. However, ancient traditions hold strong here. We have no Imperial Army garrison.” I looked over at Toph who had her feet on the ground and she gave me a  _ he’s telling the truth  _ nod. “May we witness one of these prayers?” I asked. “The studiers of the pattern of the Moon have dictated that just around sundown today, the Moon will rise once more. Today’s Moon will be full, a strong omen for-” Toph shoved her stone seat backwards with a kick, got up, and yelled “Okay if I hear one more ‘omen’ or ‘portend’ I’m going to marry the Fire Lord” and she stormed out of the room. The Dai Li gave me these stone-cold expressions that I would guess are ‘do you want us to kill this man’ but I can’t tell because expressions and lack of eye-contact and lack of eye, so I gestured for them to leave. I heard her yelling somewhere outside "I can't even see the Moon! Why would I worship it?!?"  _ Truer words have never been uttered. _

I followed her as she walked at high speed -which is normal speed for I and her guards as she has short legs- back towards the train station. Of course she can’t look left or right and notice the  _ giant murals of the Moon and Sun _ . The main thoroughfare if I could call it that, it had a couple ostrich horse carriages and a couple shops, was decorated with more of these banners. Black and dark blue with a low red moon that just rose. Most of the peasantry and the soldiers wore  _ Ruquans  _ and  _ Zhiduos  _ of brown, or black, with white lapels and cuffs. Black robes with white trim. Black caps with white trim. Black breeches with white marks on them. This was truly a peculiar land on the far end of the Empire. By comparsion, there were ten Earth Empire flags, I counted them, across the entire town. I also got a great look at the spire which happened to be along this roadway. 

It was seven stories tall. At the top, a massive banner of a large red circle, the moon, on a pure black background. As Toph was pacing her way back to, as she yelled, “I need to visit my friends! Qiang!” I stopped at the entrance to the spire. She ran off but she’s got an entire army with her so she’s probably fine.  _ And she's also her _ . Which left me to then walk up to the two door guards. “Excuse me, guards, may I speak to your high sage?” I asked that because the spire looked like a religious structure. The two had this ' _ who are you expression'  _ about them so I waved over some Dai Li. “Please kindly ask these men to find me their priest.” So the two Dai Li took their heads and bashed them into the door and opened it.  _ Kindly! That wasn’t sarcasm!  _ “Sorry guards who I will never meet again.” The two bodies were dragged into side-allies while I walked inside. I was greeted by a man wearing a large necklace and a robe similar to Aang’s monk robes. His hair was drawn back into a Fire Nation phoenix plume, or something quite similar to it. And his robes were white. The necklace bore, what else, a red moon. “Greetings Lord of the Western Peaks!” this middle-aged man announced.  _ Lord of the Western...What?  _ The Dai Li took offense to this and advanced forward a few paces, probably to suggest that I give him some encouraging remarks. So I did. “Forgive me, man who might get killed for this, but I am no Lord. I am the First Earth Emperor. And...Western Peaks? I rule no lands.” He gave me a bow where his right hand formed a fist and his left hand's palm sat ontop of the fist. That...bow reminded me of something...but I couldn't place my mind. “Forgive my foolishness, Your Majesty. To us, since time began, the Earth Kings were the Lords of the Western Peaks. The Sunset Peaks.” and he walked towards one of the walls, leaning over to roll up a map scoll. “Sunset Peaks? There is no such thing in this hemisphere. Only the Fire Nation has the Fire Mountains which some refer to as ‘the Sunset Peaks’.”  _ wait. His bow. That bow... His hair. His statement.  _

I drew my blade. “It’s a long long way to Calder-ee” I said while pointing the blade at his neck. He dropped the map and raised his hands. “I am no firebender! As surely as the Moon will rise at dusk!” The Dai Li grabbed him. “The Sunset Peaks are west of these lands!” he begged, and he struggled at the tight grip of the two agents. “What does your ‘religion’ call this place,  _ sage _ ?” And I pointed my blade at the rolled up map scroll that was unraveling. “Icalaquiampa! To our west, the Western Gate of the Sun! Beyond that, the lands of the Tlalteuctli!”  _ What are these words? _ “Icala-chimpa?” “Quimpa!”  _ Hmm. A foreign dialect _ . “Dai Li! Release him!” and they removed their stone grip. “Thank you, Amehuatzin” and he bowed to me.  _ Amehuatzin?  _ I didn't know the words, I didn't know the dialect, the whole moon-thing was still confusing. But I'm just me. I  _ know _ someone who might know this. Someone who has the entire world's history in his head and could get me the answers.  _ In the name of the Empire and because we've nothing better to do, I demand to learn this! _

“Avatar!” I shouted from a safe outside-of-airbending-range distance. “A fine day, Your Earthliness!” and he brought up his hands and bowed in Air Nomad style. His sky bison roared politely at me.  _ No, I don’t fear you. Unless you want a lick, in which the only great mythical beast I’m allowed to be licked by is Lord Qiangyang, Wielder of the Mandate of Adorableness _ . “I have some questions” and I walked over to him and his two companions as they loaded supplies. Him with airbending, the other two with clambering up the side. He could probably do everything easily, but _...oh nevermind. _ “Anything you want” he said, as full of vigor as a fresh day.  _ Sure, please don't remember my title. _ “So I found this cult of moon-worshiping weirdos-” was probably not the best way to start this, but I did that anyways. “Cult?” from Aang, his voice partly formed by idealistic rhetoric and partially formed by _ 'what's one of those?' _ , “the  _ moon _ ?” from Sokka, choking on his own two word statement, “weirdos?” from Katara and  _ you're already going for the waterskin _ . And a chitter from His Highness, Lord Momo. Lord Momo was chewing on some kind of nut or raisin or grape,  _ no, I won't have that discussion again _ . 

Instead of a whole day of small-talk, “Inside your head is all of the world’s history, right?” He sighed, clearly distraught by...something. “Not...exactly?” he had to phrase it like a question. “Can you go ask one of your past lives, probably not Kyoshi-" as she’d have all these people executed for going against the Earth King or the Dai Li or her ethics, "-but one of the other Earth Avatars, about the 'lands of Huizhou’ and it's cult of moon-worshippers?” “Where’s Huizhou?” he  _ had  _ to ask.  _ Nose-bridge-pinch time _ . “You’re..." one stomp, "...standing..." another stomp, "...in..."  _ two hands point at ground annoyed but not annoyed!  _ "...Huizhou.” “But this is Minquan?” he asked, rubbing his egghead.  _ The Grammar Dai Li will have your head for that _ . “Minquan is the town.” but we were interrupted by “a Moon cult?” from Sokka. “Yes, some kind of group that worships the Sun and moon. Calls ‘em holy and everything” Katara looked at him, he looked at Aang, and the three went into some kind of group hug.  _ Okay, so you’re all useless. Good to know _ .  _ Listen, as much as I like hugs, only with my cousin and fellow drunken two-nuts-short-of-a-fruitpie people, thank you.  _ Since I'd rather not inspire Pu-On Tim, I set off for Toph.

Except I ended up going the other way. “Where’s our spirit-forsaken boat?” I cursed the dockwarden. “It’s right there, Amehuatzin.” and he bowed.  _ I...great...great...I still don't know what that means...because the Avatar's busy hugging.  _ “Why can’t we leave?” “A tempest off to the east.” he said like some kind of  _ authority  _ on this.  _ I mean, I guess he is. He does run the docks. Unless the real dockwarden's drunk or dead and this is just Lee, someone who bumbled off the street and chose this desk to sit behind while snacking on vegetables _ . “When can we leave?” “Tonight? If the storms fall upon us, tomorrow?”  _ So I’ve got to spend all night here? I...well Toph's going to be pleased by this. Pleased like stubbing one's toe in the dark after getting stabbed by a random flying assassin pleased.  _ “Thank you.” and I walked out. Suki found me amidst the midday marketplace -nobody was kowtowing to me but I can't exactly arrest an entire town... _ can I? _ \- and “I thought I lost you" followed by a smile.  _ How do you lose the auburn-haired tree man? _ “Lost me to what? The Moon People?” and my comment made her laugh. “You want to go back and bother Her Imperial Majesty?” she said, not that excited at the prospect. “Truly?” and she gave me this  _ you can confide in me  _ look. Yes we were in the middle of a marketplace, no, nobody was listening. They were busying haggling over the price of fish. A noble art of screaming 'if you pay eight coppers I'll give you a fish that's only two days old instead of three'. I dragged her to a back alley to the side.  _ That's a side alley, you genius _ . “I’d like to learn more about these Moon People. It would be a great addition to the Imperial Archives.” Even with the shadows the building cast on the other building, I spotted her rolling eyes. “You and your archiving”. I tried to sound serious, my cause was well-meaning afterall. “That’s what Kyoshi wanted, right?” This made her snicker. “Recording the culture of some backwater village?” I held my hand up since I was the Emperor and countered “Preserving these weird little cultures.” the way I said that along with my formal tone made her crack up. “Sure, go and record. Where? Is there a sage to bother?” I looked to the Dai Li pair following me. “We’ve already met the sage” said one “he spoke words unfamiliar to His Imperial Majesty” said the other. “Where’s the next best source of information, Suki?” She took no time at all to say “The tavern.”

“What can I get you two?” the tavern keeper, a man wearing a green robe with white trim, asked. A few pairs of Dai Li inserted themselves into the tavern at various, convenient, places. A platoon of Kyoshi Warriors made their presence clear by obtaining a table for themselves.. “What’s there to get?” asked Suki. “We got Yewei Voyager’s, the People’s Whiskey, Sky-Rider-” “I don’t know what any of those are”  _ I’m with you, Sukes _ . “What’s your special today?” I chose to ask. Maybe he’d tell us then define what it is. “We got Full Moon’s Blessing and Sun Chaser”  _ Of course it’s related to the Moon and Sun _ . Upon questioning, one is a special brew made once a moon cycle, one is a brew made for the summertime. I for one don't like to hear the words 'moon cycle', it reminds me of quite bloody business that was not going to help my appetite. But I swallowed my nonexistant pride and drowned such thoughts out with  _ if I order the right non-toxic substance, I might be able to forget this town of weirdos _ . And I  _ guess  _ it’s summertime, so the second brew has some sense to it's name. I guess. I’ve traveled across the Empire so much I’m forgetting which season is where. It’s summertime in...Ba Sing Se, right? 

_ But...it was winter when I left Kyoshi Island, a spring in Shirahama, spring and very early summer was Shirahama and Gaoling...then we reached Ba Sing Se at the end of...winter? But we'd only been travelling, what, two months? Then a summer in Caldera, a fall in Ba Sing Se and the Colonies, a winter in the Colonies and Ba Sing Se and the Azure Docks and all that nonsense, Toph's birthday present would've been the surrendering of the Fire Nation...but then we got caught up in being too ambitious and some people withholding the Dai Li from ending the war overnight and with either no or minimal casualties because...some people are traitors and need to die.  _

“I’ll take a water.” Suki awkwardly asked, er, stated, but stated it like water was a forbidden type of drink. “I’m with her" and I nodded convincingly. The tavernkeeper was content to oblige.

“Men and women of Minquan!” Suki said while getting up on a table. I guess that’s how you rally people.  _ It makes sense... _ The taverngoers responded with lots of “yes” and “what d’ya want?”s. She shouted “Regale us with your local legends and fables! Only the most popular, please!” and sounded like some kind of leader of the inebriated populace. They actually listened to her. “Ever heard of the story of the Moon Chaser?” one half-sober man asked the auburn-haired woman standing on a table acting like she owned the place. “No, do tell us!” and she sat back down. For the sake of the Imperial Archivists, I’ll make the transcription process as easy as possible.

One of the most popular stories is of “The Moon Chaser.” In short: The two spirits, the Sun and the Moon, used to rise to fight one another. They kept each other in check by chasing one another across the sky. Except one day, the Moon did not rise to give chase to the Sun. The people were cast into days of never ending sunlight. Pure terror for these temperate folk.  _ Sounds like the summer to me _ . All kinds of catastrophes vague enough to be folktales ensued. Too vague to be remembered by the drunks as anything beyond 'the world was thrown into imbalance'. But then, a man arrived. A hero emerged. He was a handsome tall man of olive complexion. A dashing rogue. A charismatic warrior. A poet. An artist. They say he won the hearts of every woman he came across and those who live in Huizhou are all descendants of his progeny. Truly, a man without any flaws. He sailed so far east he found where the Moon was sleeping. He was so kind and heroic that he made out with her. No I’m not joking. No matter the source, all agree that his oogies were extraordinary. He  _ slept  _ with the Moon though some of the more 'we're all descendants of a noble' people say all they did was trade a kiss. Ignoring the hypocrisy of being both his progeny and him being a chaste nobleman... It didn't matter to the Moon. This act made the Moon agree to keep rising forever after. That's how...well I can't say anything without thinking Pu-On Tim would take to it...but that's how happy the Moon was. For hundreds of years, every time the Moon rises, the people gathered to thank ‘The Moon Chaser’ for his heroic act of winning her heart and ensuring the Moon rises forevermore. 

A common sailor’s story in these parts is “The Lands Beyond”. In short: folk tales claim that far beyond the Sunrise Sea there lie islands “as many as the stars”. Small islands, archipelagos of these islands. The natives call these islands -or maybe the lands to their east, there's two different claims- “The Lands of the Rising Sun” because the Sun first rises where they live. On some of these islands live tribes, barely unified by a head Chieftain of  _ all  _ the islands. Other islands are populated by dragons, living out a peaceful coexistence with the natives. Sailors who have braved the Sunrise Sea past the Eastern Air Temple claim to have spotted these packs of dragons flying along the horizon. Others claim a local oral tradition; a few ships from these islands sailed so far west they found Huizhou. It is from these people that the local words, amehuatzin, tlalteuctli, icalaquiampa, others, come from. To these people, the Gaoling Mountains which curve up to our west are the “Sunset Peaks”.

The religion, in essence, claims that one day, the Sunrise Fleet of Atzlan will return and conquer 'all those who do have not heard, for those who have not heard do not believe, and those who do not believe will cause the Moon to stop rising'. But when the Sunrise Fleet of Atzlan comes, those who have 'Listened' will be spared, for they have heard. And those who have heard have prepared. And the Moon Chaser? He saved the people by winning over the Moon. Was this 'listening' originally designed as a warning against a fleet? Maybe. Maybe not. Truth combined with imagination and bias tends to produce circular self-justification.

There is absolutely no historical precedent for this. The Forty-Sixth, Forty-Seventh and Forty-Eighth Earth Kings, courtesy of the Dai Li, are on record as having never heard of such a fleet. Of course, some of these Kings were a bit more eccentric than others and the real individuals might've beleived them, but the Censorate does a good job of filtering out all the ramblings. The Earth Navy would have a record of such a ‘massive’ fleet of ships. There is none. Furthermore, the folk tales claim these people are firebenders. Never in history have there been firebenders to the east. That said, there is a peculiarity to this report or claim. For Sozin launched an expedition under one Admiral Kuzon to “chase the sun.” Kuzon and his entire fleet disappeared. 

Roughly a year later, a single Fire Navy ship showed up at the port of Nangang at the mouth of Chameleon Bay. The Dai Li’s presence extended out that far some eighty years ago,  _ well, not actually, but their informants sure did _ . The crew voluntarily surrendered and were dragged to Lake Laogai for questioning. There is a single record left in the Imperial Archives from an officer in the Dai Li addressed to the then-alive then-Grand Secretariat, Moku. The captain of the ship, a man named Kai, claimed to be part of an expedition under one Admiral Kuzon. After a few weeks in Lake Laogai, he confessed that Kuzon’s fleet followed the Sun’s path before the ships came under attack by a fleet of ships akin to Water Tribe cutters, except bearing a red sun with sun rays on their sails. He claims that two dragons laid waste to the fleet with his ship barely escaping. Most of his men died. Some killed themselves, some died of disease. He arrived at Nangang with about a hundred souls from a ship of a thousand and a fleet of a hundred. The thing is, he was metaphorically alone. All hundred souls confessed to the same thing, but that doesn't mean much. The Dai Li officer’s letter pointed out, aptly, that we didn't and still don't know where he sailed. We don’t even know if he’s telling the truth. How hard would it be for a person to become deluded from spending too much time at sea? It’s quite possible he sailed to the North or South Pole, got lost or encountered some kind of dragon-spirit, and sailed east. He might’ve confused the rocky coast of the Earth Islands for the Fire Islands. He might’ve had incorrect maps. We don’t know. He could’ve also been making it up. He 'confessed' that he saw dragons and islands that erupted when he approached and so on, but if I was tired and or inebriated enough, I could confess the same. Sozin launched expeditions in every direction during the last five years of his life. He believed the Avatar to be hiding on the far periphery of the world, so he sent ships everywhere. 

This ship might’ve been part of the Earth Island Raids of the eighteenth year of the Hundred Year War and he just ‘happened’ to be under an Admiral named Kuzon. There were lots of Kuzons back then. Quite common name, in fact. The last known Admiral Kuzon was a fifty five year old man who led the Southern Fleet during the twenty-third year of Fire Lord Azulon’s reign. He may or may not have been part of the White Lotus, judging by his spirituality and belief that “The Avatar will return, one day.” Point is, this single ship is an anomaly. The Dai Li chalked it up to seaborne madness and all the sailors spent the rest of their days in Lake Laogai. 

There’s lots of folk tales around the Sunrise Sea. Some people, namely here, though the rumor passed around, used to believe the Avatar vanished for so long because he sailed so far east he lived on one of these islands. Islands that don’t exist. They  _ can't  _ exist. The world ends at the Sunrise Sea. And those people believed that the Avatar became a master firebender at the tutelage of flocks of dragons. Dragons that are nearly extinct. I only know of three living dragons, Fire Lord Zuko’s mount Druk and his assumed parents or ancestors, Ran and Shaw. And I only know of those dragons because the still-possibly-banished-but-not-banished-but-a-good-guy-I-promise Prince mentioned it after returning on the Avatar's skybison half a year ago.

I may say all this but here’s the thing. A woman once taught me that in every bit of deception lies the truth. Folk tales are the same. If there’s even a sand grain sized chance of some secret fleet of dragons off to our far east, or islands as many as the stars, islands rich in resources and ripe for colonizing, then the moment Her Imperial Majesty learns of such a possible threat, you can bet who’s going to be sent on that expedition east. And if there's a secret fleet,  _ flock? _ , of dragons, you can bet who'll be giving the commands to use the naval artillery pieces.  _ Kyoshi, help us all _ .  _ Kyoshi help me. _

As if my day couldn’t be odd enough, as I walked down the street with Suki at my side, the sun a low orange in the western sky, Sokka  _ tackled  _ me. “Don’t kill him!” I had to shout from my spot on the floor before the Dai Li showed up and started rock-gloving them.  _ Also, how did all of you miss the man side-tackling me? _ “Moon people? Moon people!” The Prince who traded oogies with my cousin yelled, insanity coursing through his voice.  _ Sokka calm yourself, I’m not Suki _ . “Yes, Moon People. What of it?” I said as he got off my chest and let me get up. “What do you know of them?” he asked, frantic in tone and sweaty of brow. “They pray to the Moon. They love the Moon. They’re a bunch of backwater marsh people whose cultural knowledge needs to be recorded, then need to be mass exterminated so we can build a naval base here.” Yes...I was being  _ somewhat  _ sarcastic. Huizhou  _ would  _ make for a great new dockyard. Especially if I'm going to need a new fleet to use on some kind of Sunrise Sea Campaign. No, he didn’t get the sarcasm. “How could you say that about them? The Moon is wonderful!”  _ Oh spirits don’t tell me you’ve been converted by these nut-filled pouches _ . “Yes, I for one like the Moon too, Prince Sokka.”  _ Why must you sound like a madman?  _ “What else do you know of them?” and thankfully for me, he backed up to let me think while he  _ didn't  _ think, he just pointed in dramatic gestures. “I don’t know anything else of them. I’m the Earth Emperor, not the Director of Cultural Preservation at the Dai Li.” Before he could ask ‘what’s that’, I continued. “They’re having a Moon People ceremony on the coast soon. Can I go back to my Empress? Knowing Her Imperial Majesty, I’ve got to get my hands washed and lotioned for a daily back massage and after that, dinner in my room. After that, maybe look at some of the news or letters we recieved during the day. Then I wrap it up with being the Imperial Pillow while she rests her head on my chest and plays with my hair and...yeah, I have a busy life. I won't see you later!” and I ran off, leaving him standing there confused. Yes that was an excuse, yes, Her Imperial Majesty hasn’t had her back massage yet. No, I’m not going to give it this moment unless Her Imperial Majesty pops out of the ground and grabs me. Yes, I will give one the moment Her Imperial Majesty pops out of the ground. Yes, Suki's quite happy to give me a back massage, but only after I 'earned it'. No, Suki won't give it because she's always conveniently busy. 

Suki’s platoon found us after also having nothing alcoholic and we huddled together as a man, his cousin and her friends tend to do. Huddling in the middle of the street like a bunch of otter-penguins. As Captain, she offered two options. “We could either return to the monorail and load up supplies or go down to the beach for this once-a-day except for us it’s more like once-a-lifetime experience of strange events.”  _ That’s awfully specific, Sukes. _ “The Dai Li are loading supplies, right?” I asked, and the women shook their heads. “We’ve been in the tavern all day” one of the warriors said.  _ Right, right, of course. _ I shouted“Dai Li!” in the middle of this quiet avenue. A few pairs fell from rooftops and walked up to me and bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty?”  _ Oh it’s been too long since someone called me that _ . “Are the supplies from the Imperial...hold on-”  _ memories, what’s the name?  _ “-The Imperial Train of  _ Stuffiness _ -”  _ yes, that last word made me need to take some breaths to avoid the embarrassment _ , “-being loaded onto the Imperial...whatever the junk’s name is?” and one of the Dai Li happily corrected me with a usual stone-cold expression and stone-cold voice. “Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Earth Navy 'Kyoshi Made Me Get On Board', Your Majesty”  _ That’s not the name, that’s not the name, that’s not the name _ .  _ Deep breaths. That's...not the name. Note, please name it something else. Note, I have no authority over that name _ . “Right, so have the supplies from the land-based vehicle been loaded?” “Mostly, Your Majesty” “Make it ‘fully’!” “Right away, Your Majesty!” and they bowed and skated off towards the monorail. 

We walked down to the beach. Specifically, a small tavern with a balcony that overhung the beach. We became infatuated with playing Pai Sho with each other and as such forgot about the whole moon thing. Aoma's quite good, Kikyo's a sore loser and Suki and I pretended to be Fire Nationals, bowing to eachother after every move. 'It's my honor' 'No it's my honor' 'No, I'm honored for it to be my honor' 'No, I'm honored that you're honored but honor me with this honor', 'I looked far and wide for honor, and now I have found it' 'Are you the Fire Lord? You both have the one-eye thing going on' 'He's my cousin, of course' 'I  _ see.  _ Still, it is my honor' 'Honor' 'Yes, honor' and then we bowed at the same time and banged our heads together, earning the laughter of one of the Koko's. Just before the red sun vanished into the west,  _ thank you striking sunrays _ , we heard a bell ring. Looking to my left, I spotted a small red hill on the horizon.  _ That's no hill. That's the moon _ . The bell kept sounding and a deep chant flowed like a tide from behind us out towards the beach. “Who knows the Moon Chaser?” I felt this sudden  _ chill  _ in the air. “Warriors, outside,  _ now _ !” and we formed into a lion turtle formation and marched out the doors of the tavern. “One Moon Chaser for the Moon!” the crowd chanted. They formed some kind of mass, getting on their knees and kowtowing towards the rising red moon. “Who knows the Moon Chaser?” and I spotted the shout-er. A man standing on the seventh floor of the spire, chanting. A drum-beat began. Someone, somewhere, was playing the drums.

_ “One Moon Chaser, one, one, one, one, in the skies and on the land!” _

The crowd kept chanting ‘one’ to the tune of this drumbeat.

We marched in sync, to the beat, down the beachhead. “Who guards the east?” the chanter announced. “The Moon Chaser! Protector of the Skies and the Lands!” “Your Majesty” Suki whispered. “Open rebellion.” I whispered back to her,  _ there's no need to talk fancily _ . “Spread out. Find the Dai Li. Retrieve them” were my quiet orders. “Suki, with me.” and the lion-turtle formation broke leaving just her and I. 

“Who assails us?” the man shouted to the kowtowing mass. “The Sunrise Fleet!” the mass chanted as one. “Who leads the Sunrise Fleet?” he called, his words echoing off the otherwise silent streets where even birds were quiet. “The Lords of the Rising Sun!” the crowd yelled. They ignored the two of us walking, the large drum beats were too...loud. I still had this chill, like something terrible was about to happen. “When will they return?” he shouted. “When those who have listened have fallen!” the people responded.  _ Dun. Dun. Dun. Dun.  _ "One Moon Chaser! One, one, one, one, in the skies and on the land!"  _ Dun. Dun. Dun. Dun _ . The drums grew louder. “And the Moon?” he shouted. “Queen of the Tides!” the worshipers cried. “What will she do to those who do not believe?” he said with fury. “Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill them all!”  _ Okay, that’s where the chill is coming from _ . Suki grabbed my collar and down I went. “There’s a thousand of them and two of us.” But before his violent rant could continue, something even stranger...perhaps the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced happened.

“The Moon is not like that! Yue’s a wonderful woman!” came the cry of the man who had tackled me one sunset-and-some ago.  _ Sokka? What in Kyoshi are you doing?  _ The drumbeats stopped. The sage stopped. “And who are you?” I heard the sage on the spire call. I couldn’t watch because Suki physically held me down behind this alleyway wall. “I am Sokka! You may have heard of me! I helped invent the airship slice!” and like that,  _ bang _ , Suki laughed like someone who lost her mind. “How do you know the Moon?” the shouting man shouted. “I  _ dated  _ her.”

And  _ that _ , that right there. 

I know, I know. I have a metalbender for a betrothed and a stealthy elite warrior for a cousin and I'm the second-in-command of a continent-sized country with millions who kowtow to the two of us. I led armies at Ba Sing Se, Yu Dao, Osaka and Caldera. And yet...see, all of that makes sense. Lead an army against something, kill that something, come home, get a shoulder punch. But this...he's so... _ honest _ . He  _ can't  _ be lying...but...he's also Sokka, inventor of poetry so terribly it  _ probably  _ made Suki date him out of pity and then when she learned he's a Water Tribesman, the two discussed the strategic use of boomerangs or something. 

“You?” the priest said just as confused but not nearly as furious as I. Then the nonsense got ramped up to ten thousand and one.  _ That is, perfection and one, for ten thousand is perfection _ . 

“Tlamacazqui! Could it be?” came some voices in the crowd.  _ If you nuts dare accuse him of...I don’t even know _ . I began tapping the wall, then trying to tap my cousin, whispering with a sense of urgency “Suki, are you still here?” and listening to her muffled laughter “We’re surrounded...by people who hate us, and he’s...standing there!” and she pointed where he would be if not for the wall. “Yue was the best! She had beautiful white hair and moved with grace.” he spoke like he wasn’t surrounded by cultists, instead like he was interacting with his friends. In a much, much, more bittersweet voice, “she gave her life to turn into the Moon.”  _ Right, and I can firebend _ .  _ No, wait...I can be granted bending. That's even better! Or...wait...wait...maybe I'll learn a new kind of bending and use that to outmatch everyone else's bending. How about...eye-bending. I can keep regrowing eyes so I can never go blind and I always have perfect vision.  _ “How do you prove this? You are young to have dated the Moon” the shouting man asked, less-shouty but still quite tense. “She died the winter before last. This Fire Nation Admiral guy, Zhao, attacked the North Pole and killed the Moon Spirit. So Yue gave her life.”  _ Hold on. You went to the North Pole, got besieged by Admiral Zhao, and he killed the Moon Spirit? Zhao was a fun, if ruthless, man. Dark sense of humor. I met him once. Why...why would he kill the Moon Spirit? Actually, I recall one infamous tale. Didn't he...go fishing and keep catching the wrong animal until he caught a badgermole or something? Actually, wait, maybe listening to the Ganjinese man when he's had too much of his own brew wasn't a good idea. But yeah, Zhao was fun.  _

We all got to sit in silence for some time while this Sage-man yelled out personality traits so vague they’d apply to nearly anyone. Olive complexion? He’s got it. Charmer? He’s dating Suki, so that’s a hard _peak to mount yes I remember that stupid euphemism Captain_. Heroic? Who _isn’t_ heroic. Enough vague traits later, beneath the red moon, Sokka was ordered to bow. _Where’s the Avatar? Or his sister? You two...get off your oogie sky buffalo and come here and beat up your brother or something. Just...go airbend him into the water and steal his sleeping bag and don't give it back to him until he gets off the cactus juice._ “Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, I, Nezahualpilli, Sage of the Moon, have discovered that you are in fact, the Moon Chaser, reborn!” _Oh no. Oh...oh no. No no no no no no no no no._ _No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no._ Suki and I slapped our faces. “Long Live the Moon Chaser!” he shouted. The crowd repeated it. “Suki, you want to go talk some sense into-” she was gone. Huffing and puffing her way over there. _Blood of Kyoshi, returning in defense of her loved ones and also mental sanity._

“You aren’t the Moon Chaser. You’re Sokka!” and I heard a tackle and some kissing noises. A few  _ smek _ s or something like that.  _ Hey, why would I know what kissing sounds like? _ I emerged from the behind of this alleyway and noticed the crowd all shocked. “Moon Chaser! What do you want us to do with this wench?” the Sage announced from his comfortable position. Because the situation couldn’t get worse,  _ right? _ I stepped out and ran over to Suki who had kissed Sokka on the lips, the cheek and forehead and left a red makeup mark on the latter two. I looked up at the rooftops. Conical hats sticking out. I stepped in front of Suki and looked up at this Sage and his tower. The townsfolk gave Sokka this massive private circle with which to...I have no idea because of what happened next.

“And I, the First Earth Emperor, the Imperial Consort to Her Imperial Majesty, name you under arrest!” And it was at that moment I remembered that I had a bow.  _ So that's the thing hanging on my back...right, right, of course _ . I took out the bow and nocked an arrow. The crowd laughed at me. They  _ laughed _ .  _ Aiming…You look just like a duck-goose at dawn.  _ The wind was coming out of the south.  _ Adjust _ . I tilted back and pointed the bow at the Sage’s tower.  _ There you are, you fancy headdress wearing moron _ . “The Tlacatl of Icalaquiampa dares tread upon our holy site.” and the crowd found that funny.  _ Thwick _ . The arrow escaped my grasp and sailed over everyone’s heads before hitting...the doorway post to the right side of the Sage.  _ Oh in the name of Toph... What...did I close my eye while aiming or something?  _

Sokka regained his senses, or lack thereof. “As Moon Chaser, I name these two people innocent!” and the crowd chanted “Long live the Moon Chaser!” What they  _ didn’t  _ notice was I made an adjustment.  _ Nock, draw, aim, a bit to the left. Just a smidge. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, _ and  _ thwick _ . The arrow took flight and as the Sage chanted for the Moon Chaser and "Long life to-", he took an arrow to the chest. His shouting voice made like the Avatar and  _ vanished _ and he clutched his chest. The crowd went silent as he stumbled forward, tipping over and falling off the balcony.  _ That’s a long way down _ .  _ Seven stories, to be truthful _ . One  _ smash  _ as he went through the roof of a nearby house later,  _ I've still got the archery in me. I'd kiss my bow if I could _ . 

_ Let’s clean the house _ .  _ Dai Li, you do the jumpy rock-glove thing _ . “Listen here, you backwards fools! In the name of Her Imperial Majesty, I-” my voice was overlapped with a louder one “What my friend’s trying to say is your Moon Chaser Sage was a bit of a jerkbender! So he got arrested! That's why he went quiet!” Sokka said while waving his hands about.  _ Sokka you...spirits. You weren't even looking...I...sure, why not. Just...you know what Sokka, you do you.  _ The crowd chanted “Oh, Moon Chaser, give us your wisdom” so he did. He gave his wisdom. His Sokkadoms. “The Earth Empire isn’t your enemy. They brought progress for nonbenders! And I’m a nonbender, so I like it! Oh-” and he clutched the about-to-draw-her-katana Suki “-And Suki’s pretty cool, too.”  _ How dare you compile us with the backwards Earth Empire? Ba Sing Se, sure. Some hole in Gaolan? No way.  _ The crowd, being a bunch of backwards peasants who worship the Moon, believed the guy whose friend’s friend just assassinated their former Sage. Why? Because these people worship the Moon. The orange Moon looked over at us from her nearly horizontal position.  _ So you’re a woman. And named Yue. Wait...the North?  _ “Hey Sokka?” I leaned in to the Moon Chaser. “Yeah?” he kissed Suki on the cheek while also looking at me.  _ You know, I'm too ready to release arrows into people to go 'this is all kinds of messed up; kissing a woman while speaking to her cousin'.  _ She still looked numb. Not because he dated someone else,  _ can you even...can you even date the Moon? How does that work? Do you bring the Moon some flowers or a necklace and...how do you have kids with the Moon?  _ No, she was numb from all the nonsense that just happened. “Yue was from the North, right?” I asked, hoping he wasn’t about to say yes. “That’s right.” he said, somewhat saddened. “Your Earthliness, you look sick? You need anything?”  _ No, no. I need a lie down _ . “Did she know a certain...Chief Arnook?” My voice broke at the end. “She was his daughter.” he said, probably about to cry tears for his first  _ known _ girlfriend _. _ “Suki...let’s go. We have a ship to fill with clothes.” and I tossed my bow back over my shoulder and walked away. “Can’t she wait?” he begged. “Sure, sure. Go ahead and wait.” I waved my hand, took a few steps forward,  _ she...that's who Arnook was praying to...I...I need a lie down _ . I took another four steps towards the nearest piece of non-sand and slipped on a small dune and face-planted the sand.

I came to, as I usually do, on a bed. Dazed. My chest and legs didn't feel weighed down, meaning I was wearing my Informal Robes.  _ So someone pulled the Armor off me?  _ “I don’t know what time of day it is, but let’s say morning. Mornin’ Kyoshi” and I opened my existing eye and looked over. Toph was enjoying her dinner. She was relentlessly eating this piece of meat that gushed juices, with said grease all over her cheeks and lips and chin and hands  _ meaning it's all over the bed, too. Well...thanks for taking off my clothes for me so I could be passed out in peace _ . “Where am I? This isn’t the Imperial Train of Stuffiness” and I looked around and confirmed that it couldn’t be. Smelled different, smelled... _ clean _ not like a sweaty sauna...and it had no windows. “You’re on the  _ IEN Muahahaha _ !” and she put a hand on my shoulder for bearing purposes, leaned back, and laughed her "Muahahaha" laugh.  _ Excuse me...that’s not the name right? Right? Right? _ “Toph…” I couldn't help how disappointed I sounded. “You didn’t name a junk after your maniacal laughter, did you?” she manically laughed. “I did.” And it was this moment that I broke. Don’t care. Not interested. I’m not even going who what or why. 

“What became of Sokka? Is he dead? Did we just lose our only chance with a political alliance with the Chiefdoms of the Southern Water Tribe and the Avatar? Am I going to get those trade deals? Are we still planning on refueling the Air Nomad population with an army of attractive concubines since I'm the Consort and a Consort can't have consorts?” These were my questions. “He’s apparently called the Moon Prophet or something. Got a massive fanclub of young women. And a boat.” and she didn't answer anything else.  _ Why? Why leave me hanging? Is it because I'm exhausted? Also...what in Kyoshi? _ “And the Avatar?” “I think he recruited all these people, the Moon People, to join his peace movement. I have no clue.” “And us?” She wiped a greasy hand on my hair. “We’re at sea, as you can tell by me looking sick.” and she placed the plate of oily meat onto a nightstand before falling onto me because “I feel  _ so  _ seasick”.

“So Sokka’s a new religious leader, Katara’s probably angry at him, Aang respects his choices, and we’re on a boat?”

“I think so.” she responded in that 'I'm sick' fake voice. So I did what I thought right, and petted her hair. This made her yawn and 'okay,  _ maybe  _ I'm not as sick' so I pulled my hand off -since I need it for other things- to which she went 'No, no, Kyoshi, I'm  _ really  _ sick' and she  _ shoved  _ her mess of hair and greasy face into my  _ one-day-soon-will-be-clean  _ robes. So I went back to working on her hair. She yawned and was quite happy. Maybe she  _ was  _ seasick. Maybe not. Maybe my cousin-by-law is now the leader of a moon cult. "Are we going to blow up the Moon People?" "Only if you keep this up" she said, muffled, finding my free hand and running it over her forehead. Some time later, a very happy voiced Toph was all "Sure, sure, I'll stamp a paper that you eye people worship to let you deploy some aircraft to bomb it or something. Just...keep this up." 

But to get to our  _ favorite  _ part of ruling, military campaigns, we'd have to get north.

North to Ba Sing Se.

North... _ home _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MOON PEOPLE NOTES (ALL CAPS) (Or: How much cactus-juice was I on? Answer: More than you think, less than you could predict):  
> -While the people of this town may dress in similar clothes to the rest of the Empire, they're not the same culture.  
> -Mori's flashback backstory is actually taken from the original storyboarded version of Records (that nobody will ever see). Some information not disclosed here: When he got to Shirahama, there were openings for carriage guards (always are) and during a daofei ambush, he saved Governor Kozuke's life. In repayment for that and his knack for learning -It's a Kyoshi Islander trait- he was made the Governor's Aide and ended up learning bureaucracy all day and night. When he wasn't, he was reading papers and submitted his thoughts. Not that they mattered much to anyone but Ise, but all of this was a learning experience for the corrupt, grown-up world of politics.  
> -Mori's loyalty kept him alive. Sure, his feet have lightning marks in them, but his well-meaning report saved his life. It didn't stop Azula from telling everyone else before they died.  
> -The words that the sage uses are of the Nahuatl and Old Nahuatl languages (the first, a modern version, the second, the version the Aztecs used):  
> Quick translation (bonus: Why use these words?)  
> -Bonus first: Creative liberties. We use mandarin characters/words (e.x. daofei) for not-China, why not Old/Current Nahuatl for dragon-taming/dragon-worshipping Aztecs?  
> -Icalaquiampa = 'in the west/in the setting place' (new Nahuatl)  
> -Tlalteuctli = Lord of the Earth (new Nahuatl)  
> -Amehuatzin= My lord (old Nahuatl)  
> -Tlacatl = Lord (new Nahuatl)  
> -Tlamacazqui = Prophet (new Nahuatl. Note: I could be wrong, but that's what it's supposed to mean)  
> Appendix over (come back next time for wrestling rules and how ethics mesh with them)  
> -The Moon Chaser was made up by me at 3 in the morning.  
> -The Lands Beyond is...well I'll let you decide how much of it is truth and how much is false. I've wanted to explore the idea of folktales on the eastern coast of the EK since first looking at the CK2 map of the EK. One source: the CK2 'Sunset Invasion' DLC (the Aztecs attack Medieval Europe from the west)  
> -The prayer of the Moon Chaser is called 'The Listening'  
> -The Moon People's religion:  
> So the Sun and Moon once warred, with the Sun being evil and the Moon being good. The Moon Chaser (someone who seems to be from the Water Tribes) comes along and 'defeats evil' and 'brings balance' to the world. But there's this fleet of evil people, the dragon-tamed, seafaring, Atzlans. They're angry about the imbalance and want to bring an age of neverending sunlight and neverending heat. When the Atzlans come in the end times, only the 'Listeners', the 'Moon People', who, through daily prayer, remember the folktale, and through all kinds of customs, remember other associated traditions, will be 'prepared'.  
> Epilogue:  
> -Sokka is now the prophet of a minor religion, he didn't tell the Avatar that the Sage died because he wasn't looking when the Sage died. Maybe these people will return. Maybe not.


	20. Ten Thousand Wrestling Matches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph and Mori have a wrestling match.

Chapter Eighty-Four:

It has become a norm to wake up with Her Imperial Majesty’s head resting partway up my chest. Not high enough that she crushes my neck, not low enough to violate Kyoshi’s Ethics,  _ no, I need not explain those ethics. _ At some point during the previous night, I recall her whispering something about asking to untie my Robes, to which I nodded,  _ no, Pu-On Tim, that's not what you think it means _ , and thus I woke up with her using my Imperial Informal Robes as a blanket to wrap around her head. Not counting the actual blanket that was draped over the two of us. I assumed then, and still believe, that she prefers harder-than-pillow surfaces because she is partly composed of stone. Whether or not I wake up with my hair undone is not of my doing. Sometimes it's exactly as I left it. Sometimes  _ someone  _ has her hands clutching strings of it. Why? I suppose it's a fun plaything and, unlike paintings which you must look at,  _ okay, sorry about that one Your Majesty _ , it's interactive.

This morning’s unique feature was  _ -no, not an ambush, also no, we're not going on a campaign to capture a volcanic city filled with hotmen and hotwomen- _ being abruptly woken up by her  _ clambering  _ atop me like I’m some kind of bed. “Your Majesty, I’m not a mattress” I mumbled amidst my half-dazed daze. The room was dark, no candles, and there were no windows with which to tell the sun’s position. “I feel sick" the person who thought I was a bed stated. “Sick like ill or sick because of the sea?” I responded in surprise, for Her Imperial Majesty never gets sick.  _ Something something goddess with divine powers related to spirits and stewards, something something immortality. Ignore the tombs of the Earth Kings and their families.  _ “Seasick. This me-forsaken boat keeps rocking about, I’m surprised it doesn’t just split in half!” And she wrapped her arms around me, found a pillow, and put it just beneath my neck.  _ Hey look, or rather don't, an actual pillow! Now I don't have to be sore all night. Well I was, but now I don't have to be sore all night! Since it might be night. _ “If it  _ does  _ split in half, you’ll carry me to shore, right?” she inquired as she treated my hair like something stroke-able. Hair does make for an enjoyable plaything. “Suki’s a much better swimmer than I” I honestly corrected her, causing her to sniffle and giggle. “Much better? So you’re bad?” and she motioned with her hands, probably a freestyle stroke for she came down on my chest with a palm-heel. “I’m like tenth best on the Island” I said after going  _ ow  _ from the strike.“How many people were competing?” she asked, already much happier than when she first awoke. I say probably because I couldn't see it. “I have no idea. I know that Suki and her personal Warriors are all superior to me, Your Majesty.” I took a kind-of hammerfist to the chest.  _ Ow. Was that for referring to you as ruler of the Earth Empire? Sorry, sorry, I won’t do it again for the next few moments _ . “Then what’s your redeeming quality?” she asked with a half-serious half-sarcastic fully-Toph tone. I didn’t have the voice for this, but I tried it anyways. “Suki!” I called, only after realizing how loud I was. Correction, how our previous and following talks would be whisper-like quiet. A rare occurance for the loud Empress and even louder  _ I'm a noble  _ Emperor.  _ Something something monarchs. _ “She’s asleep, Your Majesty!” came a young woman’s voice from the other side of the door.  _ Hey I think I know your voice _ . “Are you Aoma?” I asked the door, regretting my shouting because maybe the rapid fluctuation between shouting and quiet could hurt our ears.  _ Oh, who am I kidding, Her Imperial Majesty loves shouting _ . “I am.” the voice replied. “Can I summon you in for a question?” I asked politely without the formal undertone. The door opened and revealed a silhouette of a Kyoshi Warrior’s headdress, the silhouette caused by a light source emanating from down the hall. She was handed a lantern and carried it in. Indeed, it was Aoma. She gave a customary bow. 

In a lighthearted tone and a indoor voice, “I’m afraid of making a claim without someone else’s vouching, so can you, an independent source, tell Her Imperial Majesty what my redeeming quality was?” and I noticed that the blanket was revealing the hair as dark as a meteor that belonged to Toph and pulled it over her head. The Warrior hung her lantern on a lantern holder on the wall for free use of her hands. “Your Majesty has many redeeming qualities” she said all professionally. “Cut the formals, we both know I’m terrible at many things” I said so confident in my certainty I didn’t realize the parody I had become. “Didn’t you skip all the  _ Five Chapters on Mathematical Arts _ classes?” she asked. And she was right. I did. Math’s not my strong suit. I’ve heard of angles and I only know my horizontals and verticals. I  _ did  _ learn the abacus while in the Colonies. “Because I was busy” I justified myself to avoid making a joke of myself in front of Toph. “Swimming in frozen ice water” the Kyoshi Warrior said, also confident, crossing her arms. Toph reached up and grabbed my chin but didn’t speak...yet. “You are the best ice swimmer of your generation behind Suki.”  _ I’m always behind Suki. Good. Great. Can I please get one thing Suki isn't the best at? No? Fine, then.  _ “So he’s good at saving me from cold water?” the Empress wondered. “I’d guess. He once rescued a fisher who capsized off the Western Coast in the middle of winter, using just moonlight and his wits. He came back and got sick from overexposure to the cold but the fisherman he saved was thankful.”  _ I did not. Stop making me look good in front of the woman I’m the Consort to. Wait _ . “That’s sweet!” and she wagged my chin back and forth. “So if we sink, you’ll carry me.” “I…” I mean I couldn't just say no right? “I can’t guarantee that”  _ I guess I can just say no _ . “Oh.” and she retracted her hand and slowly ran it along my left shoulder. “That’s okay. That’s what I’ve got Captain Kyoshi for!” she said with a voice that implied a grin. I gave Toph a few moments to get another statement in, but she seemed fixated on keeping a palm on my chest and her ear, too, to my chest. With that done, I ordered “You’re dismissed, Aoma.” She gave a proper bow and “Would Your Majesties like to keep the lantern in here?” “No need” I responded for the two of us because I’m the only one who could use it. “Have a good sleep, Your Majesties” she took the lantern and quietly closed the door with a small  _ thud _ . 

“Your Majesty, would you like something other than my chest?” and I tried to push her leg off my right hand and failed. So I took my left hand to grab a pillow from the pillow chair that someone installed, right? “Not really. I’m  _ listening _ .” and she tapped my chest. “What kind of listening is-” she took her palm and covered my mouth so that all I could say was “mmph.” Mmph is not a convincing argument. Then she poked my chest. Which only earned more of the same because she  _ refused  _ to take her hand off. “No speaking. Even if I do...this!” and she came down on my leg with her leg.  _ Ow. That hurt exactly as little as I expected it to _ . I took her hand off my chest -sorry Your Majesty your hands may be powerful but they’re still tiny. And adorable- and handed it back to her,  _ ha _ . “I’m trying to measure your heartbeat, Kyoshi!” she said with a bit of annoyance. She reached around before giving up and “can you just...not talk?” “Fine” I talked. Then I didn’t talk.

I endured a period of time of silence as she chased her goals. I couldn’t see her but I have enough sense in my skin to tell that her ear was pressed up against my chest. Right above my heart, in fact. She would take one of her hands and repeatedly poke, let’s say, my shoulder. Then she’d give it time to rest. Then she’d poke somewhere else, say my torso, and let it rest. Rinse and repeat. When she got to my right arm “I’m lying on it aren’t I” she said, playing the fool  _ because you’ve got seismic sense _ . She reached down and collected my arm and poked it. She must’ve sensed something because “you  _ can  _ wrap it around me if you don’t want to lose all your sensitivity” and to demonstrate this she threw it like a cloak over her. “Your Majesty, I’m not going to just... _ do that _ .” I felt her remove her head and I’d guess she was leaning up to face me even if she couldn’t see me. “Why? I do this”, nope, it was to let her crawl up, take a hand, reach around my chest and grab my neck. “Because...I’m not going to just do that.” I said while avoiding laughing from the ticklish sensation. “Your loss.” and she got back to her ear-rests-on-heart position. Some time later, she gave my shoulder a good  _ whack  _ and sat back on her knees, threatening to turn my torso to paste with the power of...legs.  _ A very powerful power _ . “May I speak?” I spoke, hoping I could speak. She also tossed the blanket off in her act of sitting up. “Mmph! Mmm! Mmph!” and she continued like this until I and the rest of the Earth Empire got the point. “What was that for?” I asked, rubbing my chest because of all the pokes, prods and otherwise ticklish maneuvers. “The  _ mmph _ s or poking you?” she said, playing dumb. “I’m going to say the latter but not that vaguely, lest you poke me again” and she leaned forward and poked me in the chest, again. Because never give Her Imperial Majesty a suggestion that she has the capacity to accomplish. And even if she doesn’t, like building an Air Corps, she’ll do it anyways. Because...well never give the Empress a challenge.

“I was testing how your heart reacted to different sensations. I poked a hand, an arm, your chest, all to see, well you get what I mean, what would happen.” “Nothing happened” I stated, like an idiot, because, get this, I also didn't attend the health classes.  _ Really was only interested in more...actiony, bloody, bureaucratic classes. Yes, bureaucratic classes, filling out paperwork for a tiny subpolar tree island. Such is the nature of Magistrates _ . She groaned. “I meant I wanted to sense how fast your heartbeat would react. I wanted to see what areas would make you breath quickly and what areas you may not react to as quickly” she said quite maturely. “...And, Chief of the Infirmary?” I gave her the pretend title because checking for heartbeats is their job. Not hers. She laughed. “I learned that your numb right arm...you barely reacted to me poking you. But that makes sense, it was numb. Your legs also barely reacted. You have some tough legs.”  _ Well I have spent much of the past year chasing you around the Earth Kingdom, now Empire _ .  _ Ow, what was that failed strike for? You missed my leg and hit my thigh. What was that for? _ _ What is your goal is hammerfisting my legs? Is it fun? I bet it's fun.  _ “It would explain why you didn’t notice that crossbow bolt.”  _ I did notice it, I just didn’t find it painful. Also, whiskey. Maybe that’s what she means _ . “Aoma! Bring in the lantern and place it here!” I called out in an outside voice. The door opened, Aoma gave a simple bow and hung the lantern up. She saw the...positioning and probably held her mouth, bowed and backed out.  _ No, I’m not giving her a massage right now Aoma _ . Now I could  _ see  _ Toph. She was sitting back on my torso because...why not? Her hair was down and she was playing with it. She was in her usual sleeping attire which only complimented the hilarity of ‘I’m tired can I treat you like a mattress?’ That said, I had a question buzzing about in my head. “Would Your Majesty-” she held up a palm from over there and that was enough to stop me. “I have a name,  _ Kyoshi _ -” and she lowered her palm. __ “-Toph, would you like to contribute your findings to the Imperial Infirmary?” she laughed. “Of course I would. I can tell if you’re stressed out by simply feeling your shoulder” and she leaned in and  _ why are you looming over me. Yes, you smell like you. Yes, I took a shower last night.  _ “Did you take a  _ shower _ ?” she asked, annoyed.

“Yes, Your Majesty” and I had this suspicion that I’d get tossed overboard. “You. Stay still.” and she dug into her wrestler outfit and retrieved some dirt. I recall her doing this when we traveled east to Ba Sing Se from...somewhere else. Osaka, I think. I had found a wonderful hot spring and because I like being clean I dived into it. Toph was all 'No way, I’m not going in there” and I swam around having fun. When I got on, she tackled me and covered me in dirt. She loves tackles. Who doesn’t? I was given a ‘protective layer of earth’. In this morning’s case, I held firmly still while she rubbed it onto me. And into my hair. “Now I can feel you better” and she whacked me in the cheek. “Whoops, maybe not entirely” and she feigned stupidity. Then she did it again.  _ My cheeks. They can only handle so much palm heel. _ “Watch it Kyoshi, if you take a  _ shower  _ again I’ll take you to a mud bath.” “But...you’ll take me to a mud bath anyways.” “Quiet! I’m being a monarch. Threats work, right  _ Kyoshi _ ?” I nodded my head. “Yes, Your Majesty.” “Good. That reminds me. When we return to Ba Sing Se, I’m going to get a mud bath and you’re coming with me.” “But you just threatened me” “And now I fulfill my threat.” “Don’t I need to fail the threat first?” “Nah.” 

She maintained this  _ presence _ , looming over me with her glazed green eyes. They once haunted me, now they make for a fun staring contest opponent. Because she rarely blinks. After some time of trying to beat her and losing, “May I ask  _ why  _ you’re sitting on me and casually picking your nose from up there?” “What else is there to do?” she pointed out with her pointer finger. “Discuss the Empire?” I and my noble voice pondered. “Who needs that? I punch things, everyone bows. No more problem” and she resumed her digging.  _ Oh if it was that easy… _ “We both know it’s not that easy” and I reached behind me to grab my pillow and try re-fluffing it.  _ Well that pillow's bad. These pillows are bad _ . So I tossed it into Toph, as one does. Maybe she’d want to practice cutting it open with metalbending, who knows. “Mind if  _ I  _ ask why I just recieved a pillow to the face?” “I didn’t need it. I thought you might want to do some metalbending and cut it open or practice slices on it.” “Thanks, Kyoshi. What a wonderful-”  _ whack  _ to my chest “-gift” and she tossed it behind her, knocking some expensive vase over.  _ Smash _ . Some Imperial Guard opened the door and burst in, then noticed the two of us engaging in casual banter and  _ slowly, backed, out _ because I caught his gaze and he caught my  _ what are you doing? Your Empress loves smashing expensive things. Welcome to the Imperial Guard. Great pay, low chance of immolation. Very low. Sign up today. _

“Ceiling Dai Li, are you up there?” Then I looked up at the ceiling and realized it was made of wood, not stone. “Kyoshi, why do you keep talking to the sky?”  _ The ceiling isn't the sky, though maybe you're being sarcastic.  _ “Because sometimes if I squint, I might make out a shadowy figure sipping a cup of jasmine tea.” It sounds like some kind of folk tale. Waking up in the middle of the night to a man sipping jasmine tea before silently disposing of the tea cup, giving you a bow, then assassinating you. And according to our Captain of the Dai Li, he did just that once. He was assigned to kill a government official. But he was also thirsty. While the official slept and his guards were stationed outside the Upper Ring villa, this Captain entered. He grabbed a teacup and boiled himself some tea. Then he went to sit on the rafters of the official’s bedroom. When he finished his drink, he returned the teacup to where he found it and crawled back across the ceiling. Because he was a decent man, he woke up the official and in formal voice, “thank you for your wonderful teacups. And tea. I have ensured that they will not be damaged.” The official had absolutely no clue what was happening and received death by pillow moments later. It’s actually a common urban legend that’s not a legend that both Ba Sing Se’s peasantry and nobility tell their children. “If you don’t go to sleep on time, the Ceiling Dai Li will strike.” Good thing I’m on their side. It’s less creepy and more “what are you doing watching Her Imperial Majesty and I play a game of ‘do each other’s hair?’ but if I ask they claim its security and considering the five dozen assassination attempts I’d say they have a right to be like that. 

“Can we discuss things relevant to the Empire?” I hoped to get  _ something  _ out of our Southeastern Tour. Aside from me helping Toph get glass removed from her foot. And watching a cult of moon-worshipers declare Sokka their prophet. Toph was busy shaking her head and making her hair even more of a mess. A beautiful mess, still a mess. “Oh no!” she said with mock distress. “What is it?” I asked, confused how much of a mockery this was or maybe the water got to her head. “I am sick. With seasickness. I am falling now. Right...now!” and guess who she fell upon and where.  _ Ow _ . Me and my chest. Continuing her pretend plight, “Oh Kyoshi, make sure I don’t fall-” she grappled me and rolled to the right, threatening to pull me with her. “Over!” and with a knee,  _ ow _ , she dislodged me and now  _ I  _ was lying on her. “Your Majesty, I’m going to crush you.” I explained, with less mock and more plight. “Oh no! The boat is rocking!” and she pushed me off her,  _ how can I pick you up with one hand but you can also do this?  _ And now I rolled back to where I started. In her normal voice “get it?” she asked in a whisper. “I...sure why not” I responded in a whisper. 

“Oh no, Kyoshi, the boat is rocking!” and she got ontop of me once again, grabbing me. “And I’m going to fall-”  _ no you aren’t,  _ I’m longer than her,  _ feel the power of...legs!  _ And I successfully checked her tactical retreat. “I have defeated your offensive attempt!” I said in my  _ awesome commanding voice!  _ “Kyoshi, does your mind think of only war?” she asked, not in her pretend voice. “Yes.” “That’s a real shame-” and now she summoned her  _ awesome commanding voice! Exclamation! _ “-Because I’m going to  _ break your defensive! _ ” and she hit me in the side with one of these roundabout swinging fist strikes.  _ Ow _ . I didn’t give in. “I held.” I said, smugly. “Watch it, your flanks are weak!”  _ Is that a reference to my legs?  _ It was. She rolled forward and backward until she broke my barely-a-grip, it’s actually symbolism-for-the-Earth-Empire-according-to-someone-smart. “How will I check your retreat, Your Majesty?” “I don’t know. Neutral Jing?” and she sat there, waiting for my next move. Her sitting on my legs, me lying on my back. “Can you cheat with earthbending?” was all I asked during this ceasefire period. “I can do whatever I want.”  _ Well I guess I can as well _ . “Let’s toss all the blankets on the ground so we don’t break our heads.” 

“Deal.” and she jumped off, removed all the things she thought were blankets, like throw quilts, pillows, sheets, until I finally went “maybe let me do that?” and she accepted her inabilities where present and I went forward with the plan. We have possibly and or equal to ten blankets so we could cover most of the floor plus one for the bed because blankets are great. I finished Operation Blanket Cover while she reclined on the bed, stretching her feet. The two of us spoke in our usual private voices. “You done?” “I am.” “Good, let’s continue where we left off.” And we did. Me on the backfoot on my back, her with the upper hand, up above me. 

“Ahem!” and she coughed to catch her...voice? Something akin to that. She returned to the  _ awesome commander voice  _ and I to mine. “How will you defeat my impenetrable defense! I am like Ba Sing Se!” and she manically laughed.  _ I got this _ . “Well Ba Sing Se...but you aren’t divided into layers.” she laughed. “Go for the weak spot Kyoshi!” and I thought about it.  _ Her feet _ . One wide swing and a swipe later, I caught her feet. “Oh no! My feet!” and I dragged her feet first off the bed. I heard her tap something and knew then to drop her and  _ dive _ . She pulled out a pair of rock gloves. “I missed you two” and she kissed either of them. “Now” and she squinted her eyes for scary points, “let’s get Kyoshi!” Toph is many things, a self-applauding show-off even in her personal quarters is one of them. 

But I knew her weakness. I jumped on the bed and silenced my breathing. Hard to do when a short blind is pacing back and forth around the bed going “where are you, Kyoshi?” and I  _ knew  _ she knew. She was just toying with me. Probably wanted to hit me with a rock glove that wouldn’t cave in my skull. I took a pillow off the bed and tossed it at her. This dazed her and she pretended to stumble over. Or...I hope it was her pretending. She  _ was  _ walking on blankets. Eitherway, I had an opportunity. I grabbed another two pillows. “I know where you are”  _ and you’re going to monologue until I surrender, right?  _ But because she’s not one of Pu-On Tim’s plays, she launched one rock glove at me. It would’ve grabbed my arm but I blocked it with a pillow. So she grabbed a pillow. I had an idea. I tugged back against her rock glove on the opposite side of the pillow, which took up her focus. I tried to quietly slide off the bed. That head snapped to me the instant my toe hit the blanket-covered floor. When her other rock glove was sent at me, I dived for the floor. The rock glove punched a hole in the wall. I picked up the pillow and tossed it at her. It smacked her in the face and in a burst of speed I crossed the five pace distance, wrapped my arms around her and tossed her onto the bed. She swiveled around and her face was genuinely...not panic, this wasn’t war. Discontent? Frustrated. 

Now I went on the offensive. I jumped onto the bed and attempted to hold her down with one hand. I came at her from the side and  _ palm strike, do the palm hold strike thing! _ “Yield?” I shouted, possibly out of breath from all this dueling. “You’re a terrible chest massager.” was her reply. Then I took a knee to the ribs. “Yield?” she asked, planting a foot on  _ my  _ chest. So I grabbed the foot and swung it back at her, pulled myself up the bed, and  _ I’ve got you by the hair!  _ She wasn’t distraught, despite being further down than I on the bed and I contorted into a tactically terrible position. She pulled my occupied hand down and  _ lick _ . She  _ licked  _ my hand. “In the name of you what was that?” I said, having actually screamed in shock. “Oogies. I demonstrated ‘em to Katara the other month.” and I heard the satisfaction in her voice. Both from that demonstration and her rout of my forces here. “Did you learn that from Lord Qiangyang?” I asked, my voice still high-pitched from the  _ oogies _ . “No, he coincidentally licks.” she replied. “But you don’t lick people” I said while cleaning my hand off with a blanket. “Only in desperate times,” and I spotted that hand coming for me. “Like explaining what oogies are?” I asked, rolling to the side. “Yup...hey!” and she rolled to the side. “You’re lick offensive is like Ozai’s airships. He reveals them but once we have a counter he can’t break us.” “Really?” she said, hinting at sarcasm. “Why don’t you take your hands and  _ grab  _ me and we’ll see who breaks.” and she sat there, her head facing roughly where I was and me squirming around like a worm trying to stay away from the power of oogies. “I’m bored of this!” she said after a moment of silence. She pulled her rock gloves out of other things and grabbed an arm with each. And now she was sitting on her side, looming over me once again. “Yield?” she asked,  _ you better not initiate Operation Oogie Two: The Oogie Offensive _ . “I don’t surrender” and I pulled my knees up to try and block her,  _ are you about to bodyslam me?,  _ attempted bodyslam. “That’s not fair.” she whined. “You have oogies. I have legs.” “True.” and while her rock gloves independently shackled my arms, she fell upon me like a wrestler,  _ elbow first _ . The elbow hit my chest and  _ that hurt _ and now she was actually looking down at me. Well not looking, but her bangs were dangling just above my eight auburn beard hairs and forty mustache hairs. “Yield?” she said, like this was some kind of simple game. “Never!” I dared to defy and paid for it with a  _ headbutt _ . When my good eye returned from the darkness, she was standing on the bed and her right foot was standing on my chest. “Do I look like a propaganda poster, Kyoshi?” and she tried posing, her left hand blocking her left hip and her right hand brought back to the side of her head. And all of this while wearing her Blind Bandit outfit. “I…” and disappointedly, I wept, “I yield.” “Muahaha! Long live me!” and she got off the pose and kissed her fists. Then she licked her right palm and “I’m still going forward with Operation Oogie!” and she dangled that palm above my face.  _ No. Not Operation Oogie. Anything but that!  _ She did it anyways.  _ Smear _ . “So now Lord Qiangyang  _ and  _ you have licked my face. Congratulations. You’re the first ruler of the Earth Lands to do that.” she brought up her fists in self applause. “Go me!” and she jumped up and down on the bed.

“Your Majesty-” “No no no, I’m the Lady of Oogies!”  _ No way.  _ She nicely removed the rock gloves and  _ smashed  _ them into a wall. “Toph, can we have a debriefing about this whole...uh campaign?” Normally I’d stutter because my tongue doesn’t have the words. Not today. This was her tongue’s fault. Specifically, being  _ smeared  _ with tongue. I wiped my face down but it wasn’t coming off.  _ It’s not coming off _ . “Is this what I get for not taking a shower, rather, taking a shower?” I had to correct myself because sometimes I forget the Empress’s rulings.  _ Don’t tell the Dai Li. Forgetting such rulings is punishable by death. Even something like this _ . “Oh, I completely forgot about the shower thing!” and she acted like...a fool and slapped herself in the face. “I guess you need  _ more _ ” “No. No. No. No. No. No.” “Was that a yes?” and she repeated the same maneuvers and dangled her hand in front of me as she sat down next to my petrified paralyzed self. Before I could obtain more tongue, no don’t take that out of context, she wiped it down on her wrestler outfit. An outfit that already smelled of badgermole tongue, her blood, my blood, dirt, caked on mud, and so on. There’s probably dirt from Gaoling and sand from Caldera in the nooks of that simple wrestler’s attire. 

She gave me a reassuring shoulder punch and a “don’t worry, I won’t make you suffer...today. Tomorrow? What’s the saying about me and the size of my Empire?” and she poked my maybe sore shoulder. “Which? About the borders of it or about the population?” “You pick.” In a poetic, formal voice, I pretended I was at a minister meeting. “Beneath the Dais of the Badgermole Throne, ten thousand peoples kowtow. From the far east of Dongfang to the lands of Xisenlin, from Liaoyang in the northeast to Chin in the southwest, the Kingdom -now Empire- of Ten Thousand Years stands above all.” and I switched back to my normal voice. “And for the population…”, back to formal, “Millions beyond counting.” and for the last time, back to normal, “sorry, I don’t know any poetry about the censuses. We also don’t have any censuses. There’s too many to count.” “You will pay for not taking a shower. One wrestling match for every commandery-” and mocking my formal voice “-from Dongfang to Xisenlin, from Linyang or Loyang or wherever to Chin,” and she walloped my shoulder. 

“Can we have a debriefing?” I was not going to get on to important matters until we finished analyzing this stupid wrestling match. “Sure” and she spread my arms, tossing them to the side, to make way for her to rest her  _ you must be so exhausted yes that’s sarcasm _ , head on my chest. Not that I mind. Her messy hair tickles. I think it’s the thousands of pieces of dirt that coat her hair scratching my skin. I don’t know. I don’t mind. “Kyoshi, you were pretty smart this time around” and she took one of her small,  _ I’m always going to be amazed at how such small hands are filled with such bending strength _ , hands and stroked my chest.  _ Stop tickling me?  _ “Stop tickling my chest?” “Oh?” she said, vain-sounding, “You  _ don’t  _ like me running my hand up and down your chest? What about this?” and she wrapped it around my side.  _ That’s better but now I feel like I’m going to be squeezed into a jam _ . To counter her, “what, you  _ like  _ running your hand up and down a chest? It serves no purpose” but my practical self was interrupted with “well in all  _ my  _ dreams, I thought guys -like Captain Boomerang- would lose their minds at this.” “Toph, it’s just a chest. Let’s not get carried away.” “Oh and I spotted your cousin rubbing Captain Boomerang’s chest last time they hung out” “And do I look like the Moon Prophet?” “I don’t know!” she shouted, pulling on her eyelids, “everyone calls you Auburn and him Water Tribe and how would I know? You’re all a bunch of silhouettes of, if the clothes are loose enough, naked people!”  _ It’s a good thing my belt for my pants is on tight...wait a moment _ . “I know you’re you because you smell like you and you give back massages and he’s him because he freaks out at all kinds of things”.  _ Hey! I freak out at things, too! I also find oogies, oogie-able. Or perhaps I find oogies to be quite oogie.  _

I don’t know  _ what  _ a chest rub serves to either party. Hugging? Sharing body heat and for the small Empress she needs every bit of head she can. Using me as a pillow? Same idea. Clutching me when in unfamiliar territory, like wood? Safety reasons. Whacking me in the shoulder? Personality trait. Wrestling? Practice. Wrestling in certain scenarios? Practical training. But licking? What’s the point? Chest rubbing? Why? Is someone trying to start a fire with spark rocks except they confused a chest for a rock? I simply don’t get why people would do any of this. 

“Kyoshi, you’ve gotten good. Tackling me off the bed and onto blankets? I couldn’t see where I was going” and she gave me a shoulder punch.  _ Oh, so she wasn’t pretending _ . “Using pillows as shields?  _ Clever, _ ” and another shoulder punch, this time balanced out by wailing on my left shoulder. “Using pillows as offensive weapons despite you being a nonbender and thus inferior to me and my rock gloves? Very Kyoshian, if your girlfriends are anything to judge.”  _ Hey!  _ In a failed attempt at sounding annoyed, “They aren’t my girlfriends-” “-Whatever.” and suddenly she sounded like the Imperial Guard’s metalbending teacher. “I’d hate to make you feel bad, but you weren’t that brilliant. You tried to hold me down by my torso? With a single hand? What did you think would happen?”and she paused to let me explain my stupidity. “I have no idea. I was going to coil my arms around you and...maybe I’d win?” she pointed at me and laughed. “So that’s where you failed. No long term plan. You had an  _ idea _ . Go for the chest. The sides. Use your legs.”  _ But...you’re a woman. I can’t just...but...that’s… _ “Your Majesty, you’re also  _ a woman _ .” I begged, trying to emphasize the last part. To counter what she must’ve taken as an offense, she became bossy. “So? You killed many female ashmakers” “But…” my voice staggered as my memories tried to recall  _ why _ , “I wasn’t wrestling with them. I had a blade, they had a blade or a spear or their fists.” “So treat me like them. When you actually lose your weapon, what are you going to do? Politely ask them to also not hit you in the chest?” and she proved her point by hammerfisting me in the chest. “I...we have  _ some  _ decency. And even if you’re right...you’re the Empress. Not some mere soldier. I will do as I must to win against no matter who I am sent again. But you...you’re the Empress of the Earth Empire-” and I took a palm to cover my mouth. “So what? I am also your wrestling partner.”  _ Can we please not have this conversation now? Maybe another time?  _

“Listen Toph, I have ethics I grew up with. They defined me back home. They kept me together when I was in Shirahama.” and I retrieved a cloth to wipe my face down with. “They were all I had after Azula showed up and killed almost everyone.” and I sensed Toph’s...relaxation? From her bossy tone to one that  _ nobody  _ sees. The side of her beneath all the dirt, mud, blood and fists. “I can’t...do this...right now.” I stuttered because...there’s too much to record. How far is someone willing to go following what they believe is right? What surprised me about this was the hug I received for it. A hug. Her small hands...wrapping around me...in a hug. “It’s okay. You  _ did  _ bumble your way into Gaoling. And my house. So I guess you and your stupid ethics count for...one point!”  _ Ha.  _ My deep breaths became bits of laughter. “Only one?”  _ Hahahaha. Only one.  _ I know I sounded like my heart was about to implode, but I was laughing. More like coughing, but I  _ tried _ . Involuntarily tried. “Only one. I guess...being the One-Eyed Badgermole counts for a second point.” and  _ ow, that’s a tight squeeze, Your Majesty _ . She can wrap her hands around me, but she needs both. The overlap makes for a bit of pain but that’s expected when I’m being hugged by the greatest earthbender alive. “Now, let’s mess up your hair.” and for once, I  _ didn’t  _ have  _ something  _ more critical to do. I mean, there was the matter of Ba Sing Se and a possible governmental crisis. But that could wait. Even if it's for just a few moments. 

That small tie that keeps my long auburn hair together? Gone. Off to enjoy the company of the floor blankets. And before I could react, my queue was undone and  _ all that work! I spent far longer than any man wants to admit making my hair nice and braided I mean queued!  _ Nonetheless, the Earth Empress always gets what she wants. So she spent as much time as she wanted running her hands through my hair. “I have to say, Kyoshi. You smell like flowers and I hate flowers, but I won’t lie. Your hair is as smooth as silk.”  _ Ow, just because you run your hands through my hair doesn’t mean you can, ow, scratch, ow, my, ow, scalp. Ow.  _ I responded, fargone from sadness of earlier, with “And yours is as coarse and rough as the earth you toss at people.” “That’s the earthbender style! Only true earthbenders mess up their hair!” and she took her hand out of my auburn curtain of hair to run through her own. “Ahh. Earthbender hair. A protective layer of earth from hair to toenail and everywhere in between!” and she cheered at her own lifestyle choices. “And yet you aren’t telling me to turn my hair into earth with bits of hair.” I asked, earning her laughs. With a more serious tone, “Who said I didn’t tell you? You are required, by Imperial Mandate, to  _ always _ have dirt rubbed into your hair.” I got up and kowtowed. “And I will follow Your Majesty’s-”  _ ow, what was the shoulder punch for _ . “Oh stop the bowing, just lie down and have fun for a change!” and she practically begged me to lie back and let her enjoy...whatever she wanted. “Only if Your Majesty commands-” “I command it. Let me try to give  _ you  _ a back massage. Get on the floor!” and she shoved me towards the edge of the bed.

_ Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow _ . “W...h...y… i..s… e...v...e...r...y...t...h...i...n...g… s...h...a...k...i...n...g…?” she ramped up the foot-stomping.“Because it’s a earthbender’s back massage.” “W...h...y… a...m… I… v...i...b...r...a...t...i...n...g?” she slowed down the foot stomping to catch some of my hair and toss it over my paralyzed self. “Because I’m making sure that every last part of you gets the same intense  _ massage _ .”  _ This isn’t a massage. This is what the Dai Li use in Lake Laogai _ . She stomped the foot stomping to let me speak like a normal person. “Why does my back hurt everywhere?” “I wonder” she pretended and failed to roll her eyes. “Does you back feel better?” “I don’t even think I had a back problem-”  _ palm to the face _ . “That’s a yes.” and she grabbed me by my right arm and dragged me off the strange...what, eight by twelve stone pillar formation? Most of them weren’t even hitting me. I theorize, correction, I know for a fact that Toph loves stomping around in the ground -again, stone floor for this room- so of course she’d have ninety odd stone pillars vibrating, up and down, up and down, up and down, on and on, on and on... at the same time. 

“Oh Kyoshi!” Toph shouted like she was summoning an attendant except I’m sitting next to her and she’s playing with my hair. “Yes?” “I’m up for some Twinkletoesing, you want to do my hair?” and she grabbed a portion of said meteor-black hair and tossed it at me. “And you do mine?” I offered since she was already running her hands through what must’ve been every last piece of hair. “Great idea! Let the blind girl be the hair stylist.” and she proved her point by grabbing my hair and trying to knot it on itself. Which would be a massive pain to remove. I pushed the  _ evil  _ hand of knots away and threw my hair back. “Sure I’ll do your hair.” and she grinned. “Take as much time as you want. Dueling Twinkletoes can be today, or tomorrow, or in ten years.” So I did. Her rule for today was “absolutley no cleaning of any kind.” and I tried my best to follow through with it. It's a good thing she has such a simple style or this would be...not simple. I wrapped and wrapped. Masses of messes became slightly organized masses of  _ hey that looks pretty good if I say so myself _ . Her hair is like the Imperial Army. Complete chaos but every single person in the Earth Kingdom will fight to defend their support for the chaos. “It may be chaos but it’s our chaos.” So if a Fire Nation person comes and says “your army is a mess” the entire Kingdom, now Empire, will show up and beat that guy up. Because we all bear massive grudges and love protecting our own. And Toph’s hair is like the epitome of this. 

I pity the Ba Sing Se hairstylists who worked for their entire lives to have the privilege of doing up the Queen or Consort’s hair, because recall the term Consort used to refer to a maiden the Earth King would pick with which to have relations with and father lower-level Princes. They would be recruited based on his notions of beauty, and  _ only  _ that. They need not be competent government officials or have any experience in administration. Queens had little to no power and were expected to produce the heir and his brothers and sisters and maybe get involved in some local monarchist-backed populist movements. Like orphanages. Massive, expensive, staff were hired to ‘maintain beauty’. Every day they’d check the Consorts and concubines for imperfections and there was common turnover as a result. Spirits know what kind of privacy-violating acts were committed on a daily basis for a woman who might spend one night with the Earth King and could be just as quickly ‘set aside’ due to  _ his  _ views on what he finds beautiful. Why even have so many concubines? And all these people with their massive pay and Upper Ring villas? They were purged not long after Toph ascended to the Throne. Someone somewhere realized that the Queen, one, was a Queen and not a King so she’d only have one child at a time, and two, dressed and acted and thought like Toph. Her hair is simple to do and mine is the same as every other government official. We only need...maybe two attendants, who are assigned to “the Consort’s wellbeing for producing heirs” and I keep conveniently dodging those, ahem, ‘appointments.’ Thanks Toph. 

I finished up her hair and got a shoulder punch for it. Then we came to a mutually beneficial agreement to change our undergarments into more comfortable, less sweaty wear, from the privacy of behind an earth wall. Well she did, then she headbutted the wall in two while I was yet to put on my clothes. I shrieked and “But I’m blind” and some embarrassment later, I put on pants. 

It’s high time for Twinkletoesing. As defined by a sleep-deprived Empress: the art of bothering, disgusting, and maybe dueling, Twinkletoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Emperor and the Avatar discuss politics (no, it doesn't get easily resolved (but Mori wishes it was))
> 
> For now (and only now!), Encyclopedic Notes Completely Irrelevant to Worldly Affairs:  
> -Toph does get quite seasick from being in boats.  
> -'Five Chapters on Mathematical Arts' is a reference to the Nine Chapters on the Mathematical Art ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nine_Chapters_on_the_Mathematical_Art ). As for which chapters were removed? I have no idea. This is a small peasant village/community on an island, they're not going to be learning to the Imperial (Chinese) standard.  
> -Toph is not 'unethical', nor is she smutty by any regard, but to her, grabbing someone's chest to win a wrestling match has no problems associated with it.   
> -Oftentimes in fiction, a character has magic rules (take for instance, he's a gentlemen, despite no in-character reason) designed to make him more relatable/beloved to a reader. Aside from the out-of-universe personal aversion I have to writing any kind of underage content in regards to anything, I established an in-universe reason previously and this chapter expands upon it. Because he grew up in a sauna culture co-ed society, women aren't some rarity to him (see: his banter with Suki). But, he still had ethics. Just as in a real sauna culture, you'd be crazy to flirt with someone while in a sauna, he grew up with...well, civility. Compared to the 'free love' of the Nomads, the Kyoshi Islanders are arguably very chaste in how they respect one's person. Compared to the rest of the Kingdom, Kyoshi Islanders are very 'active' in their relationships, shall they wish to be. Mori doesn't wish to be.  
> -To add to the above: Mori's 'ethics' are all he had when his friends were killed. Not to say he was going to end up in some kind of smut play with the Fire Princess, but that when he had nothing else, he had his character.  
> -As minor as it seems, Mori's identity as a Kyoshi Islander and all that entails (family and friends coming first, treating friends like family, etc.) is a cornerstone of his personality. "How far is someone willing to go", that does not refer to just intimacy, that's EVERYTHING. Mori will go to the ends of the earth for his Empress, just as he would for Suki or her sister or his island or, as you'll see, his Empire.   
> -The connection between wrestling and such a belief is that it triggered a memory in him. Both Shirahama (loyalty) and wrestling (intimacy) are connected via ethics. In the wrestling story, it is an example of loyalty as well. Every scene he has with Toph demonstrates loyalty, and in his mind, he's trying to be both loyal and following his own rules/beliefs.  
> -I'm quite certain 99% of people don't need this explanation, and for the last 1%, I might be making a fool of myself. It's hard to convey something as simple as 'Mori is not a perverted weirdo' when the basis is less out-of-universe and more in-universe.


	21. Twinkletoesing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avatar couldn't participate at the Second Siege of Caldera because he was busy setting up a nature preserve.

Chapter Eighty-Five:

I learn something new everyday. One day it might be that dragons still exist and they are very good at turning humans into well-done ash. Granted, those were two different days, but they mesh together quite well. Another day, I might learn that metalbending exists and is being used to toss around someone’s boomerang. Yet another, I would learn that airships exist and are attacking the city I’m in. Compared to all of those, is a name change really that significant? I asked all of one person, myself, and I conclude that while it isn’t as significant as seeing Fire Lord Ozai without a shirt, being incorrect about a major geographical feature is not a good idea. Especially when I'm the Emperor and I'm supposed to know these things. In defense of the indefensible, ignorance, I cite a situation with the Avatar.

Her Imperial Majesty and I were, officially, conducting a “Imperial Inspection.” Right. Officially. An Imperial Inspection doesn't need all the bureaucracy that should be affiliated with it's title, since Toph took the concept and made it spontaneous. Or rather, Toph's spontaneity means anything and everything can be an Imperial Inspection. Because normally monarchs just sit in the Imperial Palace all day. Unofficially, we were looking for Twinkletoes, looking to bother him that is. Only a few of the decks of this random five-masted junk we repossessed had thin stone layers for flooring. Toph’s room was picked due to having this feature. The rest of the ship has wooden floorboards. Meaning she’s blind. And yes, I know she’s blind, but  _ blind  _ blind. Despite this, she has no problem walking forward in a straight line. And when we reach the stairs, fine, the Imperial Guard that followed us can offer their assistance.  _ Or she can demand I kneel and she mounts me like I’m an ostrich horse _ . Whatever works for her. Or, if she's feeling really bored and tired,  _ don't ask how she can randomly be both tired and not tired _ , she'll ask for my hand. Since why would staircases need railings?

The troops kowtowed, the horns blared and the two of us emerged, together, on the top deck. The mild sea breeze smacked the dirt out of me.  _ Nothing like the sea breeze in the morning _ . “Kyoshi” she tried for my back with a jab but missed and swung at nothing. It's not that I had to take a step to the side, she just...missed. That's a side effect of the flooring. “Where’s Twinkletoes?" she inquired right into my ear. "I’m up for some Twinkletoesing!” and she swung and missed, again. I passed her question along. “Wuhan, where’s the Avatar?” He turned his head to either side as if he needed visual confirmation. “I have no idea, Your Majesty” and he turned and walked over to one of the many Dai Li aboard the vessel. They looked like green duck-geese trying to avoid being picked up and sent flying by such a light current. Or...that’s the ones that were standing up. Others were sitting.  _ Sitting!  _ Sitting on benches along either wall of the vessel. “Captain” one Captain addressed another. The second turned and “What is it, Captain?” “What are the whereabouts of His Holiness, the Avatar?” and the Dai Li Captain tipped his head towards something off our left. Wuhan walked over to the railing and “here he is, Your Majesties!” I heard Toph crack her knuckles as I walked ahead of her and up to the railing. 

There he was, the Avatar. Balancing perfectly on the rim of the saddle, his legs criss-crossed in meditation. The two Water Tribe siblings were inside sleeping bags on the back-end of the saddle. And the sky bison he was perfectly perched on? Flying just above the water. When Toph reached the railing,  _ remember self it takes longer for her due to small legs _ , she had something to say. “Good morning Twinkletoes!” and the intensity of her shout must’ve been why Aang fell off his perch and into the saddle proper. Specifically, face-first into the saddle. One  _ ow _ for him. He rolled over and stood up like it was nothing, save for the 'rubbing-head-because-ow' part. He looked up at us, since we were about a story taller than he and he took a step back to...be confused? As I’ve learned, Toph looks  _ much  _ scarier when she’s standing at a higher elevation. Sure, she’s being flanked by people taller than her but she’s still the Empress. Those glazed eyes have far more effect when they loom over someone. And besides the point, her  _ lack  _ of formal wear is more intimidating than all the gilded men in their gilded armor.

I leaned in to question what Her Imperial Majesty wished to do next. “Are you going to duel him now or later?” and she whispered back to me “Later. Let’s finish the less-bloody parts of Twinkletoesing first.” At that time, I was thinking _ , she’s referring to diplomacy, often called the less-bloody war.  _ So I asked her if that’s what she meant. “Are we conducting diplomacy with him?” and in a much-louder-than-secret-conversation voice, “No! We’re going to annoy him!” and she shoved me aside. She shouted “Would you like to come aboard?” earning a “huh?” from him. I had to take her shoulders and “Your Majesty, you’re facing the bow.” “Oh.” and I readjusted her so she’d be facing the correct person. It's less intimidating when you're yelling at nothing in particular. That's just a  _ small  _ benefit of having eyes. Or an eye. “Twinkletoes, would you like to come aboard?” and he gave an Air Nomad bow and snapped his glider open. “Sure, only if my friends can come too.” I think I spoke for everyone aboard when, in a sarcastic voice, “oh great, the Avatar and friends.” which earned chuckles from most of the soldiers. The soldiers that are permitted to showcase emotion. Not the green duck-geese perched around. “Stay here, buddy!” he commanded, very nicely, to the sky bison. The Egg took flight with his glider. With full control and ease, he flew over our heads, around the masts and almost knocking the rudderman’s hat off before landing behind us and giving a traditional Air Nomad bow.  _ Show off.  _ “Fetch some tea and breakfast for Twinkletoes!” Toph boomed over the deck. Four attendants ran through a set of doors and moments later returned with a full table. One returned with plates, a half dozen came bearing dishes, one came with goblets, and so on. The Avatar was invited to sit down at the table, which he accepted. We sat across from him.

“I think those Moon People showcase the wonderful diversity of the Earth Empire, Your Earthlinesses.” and he sipped his tea. “Most maps we use make it seem like all of Chameleon Bay is deserted.” and while Toph was sitting there with a blank stare and I nodded my head as he spoke, a young man’s voice shouted “that’s wrong!” causing the Avatar and I to turn and face the source. “I’m sorry, who are you?” I had to ask the important questions first. He looked like an average sailor. “And what’s wrong?” from Aang, always the optimist to correct his errors. “You call this Chameleon Bay, Avatar?” the sailor shouted. Aang maintained a calm, neutral, face.  _ I call it Chameleon Bay _ . “Yes, it’s Chameleon Bay, at least according to the maps.” he claimed, the topknoted sailor was driven metaphorically up the wall, taking a hand and sweeping it around the ship, pointing in all directions.. “This is the Feicui Sea!” and he pointed at  _ nothing  _ ahead of us on the bow “and out there is Chameleon Bay.”  _ So I’ve been calling it wrong this whole time?  _

Yes. Yes, I was. The land between Dongfang and Huizhou is known as the Feicui Sea. For the past year, I’ve made the error of referring to it as Chameleon Bay. It just goes to show that even with the largest Archive in existence, even I can make mistakes. Not a good thing for a semi-divine Consort, but  _ if nobody knows I'm wrong, then nobody knows I'm wrong _ . But unlike the Avatar who admitted his mistake and by pure fortune avoided a furious, angry, local, caving his head; us Imperials can’t easily admit mistakes. It kind of goes against the perception,  _ ha, _ of the Empress as being this perfect person. Ironically, a tiny commandery I may visit once or twice, like the Gong Basisis, I know lots of information about. But the Eastern Sea, one of the most important bodies of water in the Empire? Wrong name. It helps that I knew much more about the Southlands due to my time in Shirahama.

While this particular sailor threw a fit and stormed below deck, we were served breakfast. At this point it’s lunch but that didn’t stop the household from wishing Toph and I “a good breakfast, Your Majesties”. It’s also possible I’m losing my mind because of the sun’s position. A quick glance to a map -courtesy “Wuhan, get me the world map”- would confirm that, no, I’m not losing my mind. The Feicui is equatorial. Speaking of maps, an annoying dot stuck out amidst the red coloration of the Colonies. A white dot. New Taku. It’s right there...

The Avatar downed his teacup and thanked the two of us. “I’m really grateful to be invited aboard Your Earthliness’s personal junk!” I turned to face Toph, who shrugged, so I looked back at him. “This isn’t our personal junk.” He had this look of a perplexing stupor. As if he said 'wait, this isn't your junk' without saying it. “Then what  _ is  _ your personal junk?”  _ Does this kid not know how...requisitioning works?  _ “The First Imperial Junk sits off the coast of Caldera, half-submerged. If there’s another Imperial Junk, and there probably is, it’s at the Serpent’s Junction.” I was confident he had little to no idea what I was talking about, but either way, the ever-happy Egg nodded and looked all satisfied. 

It came to me that he probably knew very little about geography. He has a sky bison, sure, but does  _ this _ -and I refer to pointing at his small egg-head- look like the face of someone who’s seen the  _ South _ ? Someone who’s seen the far tundra around the North Pole? Maybe he has. I don’t know. All these memories of him  _ not being there _ , like at Caldera, came swimming back to me. He wasn’t at Caldera. He saw the city as it smoldered. While Toph engorged herself, noisily, on an entire duck-goose that was cooked over a spit, I sipped my tea. Twinkletoesing comes in many forms.

“Avatar, where were you during the Second Siege?” and I put down my teacup to look him and his innocent eyes right in the eyes. “Of Caldera?” he asked, unsure. “No, of Boshan” I replied, and I rolled my eye. This didn't work, so I yelled “Yes, of Caldera!” He responded, having ignored my sarcasm like a man with a missing right eye would miss a projectile approaching from his right. “I was in New Taku, helping the local government establish free elections, Your Earthlinesses.” and he looked at Toph and I with this glazed smile. Such a confident, charming smile. It really is the smile of someone who could win the heart of any idealistic moron between Ba Sing Se and Caldera. It's also the kind of smile a child has, since even if his egghead has stretched out between a year ago and now, it's no less mature. “Free?” from me, “Elections?” from Toph.  _ I might’ve given them elections before, but they were far from ‘free _ . _ ’  _ “That’s right, this local businessman came up with all the planning. I showed up just before they were going to destroy a statue to this ancient spirit...” and he rambled on, passionately, in a kind of blissful self-absorbed tone. Toph tugged my well-done queue over and “you, handle this, I can’t be bothered” before greasily chewing on a goose-duck leg. So greasily, in fact, that she couldn’t help but wipe a greasy hand on my clothes. Not that I cared. She eats, I talk. And she sounded completely disinterested in a matter that...has ramifications she  _ should  _ care about.

“Let me get this circular-” _ yes, I found my own attempt at levity funny _ , “-you showed up in some town and let a local businessman decide his own system of government? While you...what, stood there and watched?” and I saw Wuhan’s expression, he was standing behind the Avatar facing us. He was grimacing. He got it. The Avatar took another sip and “I didn’t just watch!” he stated with pride. “I set up a nature preserve around the statue. No buildings would be built there. I also found which pieces of land were inhabited by spirits and he agreed, without any problems, to set them aside. Going forward, it would be forbidden to build on or around those tracts.”  _ You...you skipped a siege in favor of...setting up a park. I have that right? Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. _

_ Inhale. Exhale _ .

_ Inhale. Exhale. _ I thought of... _ then _ . The memories returned. First came the smoke. The stench of ash mixed with...trenches. The intense gongs and horns. The gongs and horns and drums that sounded across the city. The neverending shelling. In a single volley, all their faces came to me. The officer who took a ballista bolt to the collar. One young man in front of me who had taken an arrow to the chest when we came off the boats. A different young man, his topknot dangling at his side, having been stabbed fatally by a spear, bleeding out all over inside one of the trenches. His last action was the act of looking at me. Me in the flesh. Not on a poster, but standing there, bloody face and sheathed  _ jian _ . Standing over him, looking down at him, blocking the Sun with my head casting a dark shadow on his frail body. Me who had just cowered behind a trench because I didn’t want to embark on a suicide charge. He died with a smile. He died smiling. He saw the Consort, the Imperial Consort. Another man...all I remember of him was his boot. The rest of him exploded from stepping on a booby trap. Or of the young woman whose final words were “are those...the Kyoshi Warriors?” and my nod. She too died with a thin smile. The others. The young men and women who fell to arrows and bolts. There were others, they died crying. They didn't want to go. They knew they weren't going to make it. I, and Suki, and the rest of us, we couldn't do much beyond kneel at their side. I was a poster that came to life. I was the myth, the myth of the Consort, a title so ridicioulous it could only fit a man just as mad. I was the myth and I appareled to them at the end of their lives. Others joined me when I charged a trench. They died watching the Imperial Consort dueling a man and striking him down. Some of them had letters. Some of them had final words, 'tell my family I died where I did'. Some cried. Some were cut off by death, unable to say their last thoughts. Some thanked me for being there. All those faces. A hundred cultures. A thousand different facial structures. 

If they had a healer or proper armor, they might still be around. The young men and women who, carrying but a sharpened stake, furiously charged well-dug in Fire Nation positions. The young men and women who died by their hundreds and thousands, crying “Ten Thousand Years!” as they fell. I may call them smelly peasants, and they may be smelly peasants, but they are my brothers and sisters. They followed their orders to the bloody end, just as I did. Just as I  _ would _ . Just as I may, one day.

A part of me, the part that makes Her Majesty go “why is your heartbeat racing?” as she rested her ear on my bare chest amidst the darkness of the night...I will never forget them. I can’t forget their faces. The ones who lived and the ones who fell. Toph is blind. She only has to memorize the faces of those she loves.  _ Inhale. Exhale _ .

_ Inhale. Exhale _ . “Avatar, did you know of the Siege?” I struggled to even say the words. I had...I wanted to just...say a hundred things at once but didn't. The Avatar wasn't receptive or perceptive to my heavy breathing. “I did, Your Earthliness. The first Mayor received messenger hawks from the Admiral of the Colonial Navy” and he finished his tea and an attendant arrived bearing a pitcher.  _ Inhale.  _ “And you... _ chose? _ ...”  _ exhale _ , “not to come?” and I sipped from the water-filled cup. “I thought Fire Lord Zuko would handle it. The Fire Nation had already fallen, right?” he said with such...honesty.  _ Ha!  _ But...he didn’t laugh. He was serious. He believed his words to be true.  _ Inhale _ . “The Fire Nation did not fall. You thought once Ozai was gone they’d collapse?” and mentioning  _ that  _ name, the name of the first and only decapitated man he ever saw, made him twitch. I don't think he ever forgot what Toph had me do to the man. Or the smile she had when she planted that arrow in his eye. “I…” he stuttered as if the weight of the world, or of his inaction, fell upon him. “Yes. That’s what I thought”, he said, defeated. “And you received the news of the battle and did nothing?” I asked, abrasive and annoyed and a few moments away from-  _ inhale, exhale _ . “I flew over as soon as possible,” he claimed with assertion. I didn’t look to Toph to confirm if that was the truth or not.  _ I don’t care. He was a week late. _

_ He could've come. He should've come. We needed him. He could've showed up and just killed Bujing and the rest of them with one activation of the Avatar State. Or help us capture the city and imprison them if he doesn't want to kill them. _

“Avatar...if we…”  _ Inhale  _ “...between you and your healer, we wouldn’t have lost…”  _ exhale  _ “thousands.” These words passed over his head. “You missed the siege”  _ one more inhale _ , “because you were setting up a park...”  _ exhale _ . “I’m sorry…” he looked somewhat distressed. But it's the kind of distress one feels empathatically, and not even that would be true. It's the kind of distress one feels when hearing another distressed. But he didn't  _ live  _ with the consequences. “If I had known…” he started with  _ that  _ speech. I didn’t have the patience. “but you did. And you didn’t do anything about it.” At this point I had noticed many of the Imperial Guard around us, mostly behind him, nodding their heads to my words. They weren’t about to shout ‘he’s right’ but I saw the held-back tears in their eyes. Stoic eyes that barely blinked. I saw those looks. They showed up late to the party, but they saw the city. And many of them have seen Ba Sing Se burn. Many of them knew that if the Avatar was with us, their friends wouldn't be in urns. Wuhan wouldn't even be the Captain. “I came as soon as I could. Katara healed everyone-” he tried defending his friends with a kind temper and a defensive tone. Credit where it’s due, he's steadfast in his ability to avoid and evade. “Avatar...” I put my teacup down with such force the bottom of it cracked on the stone table. An attendant ran over and swept the cracked porcelain off. “New Taku...why did you let a local businessman make the decisions?” and I shook at even mentioning the ‘local businessman’. I knew exactly who it was. 

“I came to the conclusion that one cannot stare at the past expecting things to just ‘go back to the way they were’. Sokka pointed out that before the age of industry, a nonbender -no offense Your Earthliness- had no way to compete with a bender. Katara reminded me that if I went back to how things were, I’d be living alone in an Air Temple for the rest of my life.” and he blushed at the mention of his girlfriend. “The future will be rough, but the only way forward is a mix. As long as the Spirits and humans are kept in balance, neither side will overpower the other. If the Mayor wants to build factories, I will build preserves. People of all Nations are invited to meditate in these parks. As long as the parks exist, the Spirits will be remembered.” He said all of this with a genuine maturity to him. I can't fight a man who is honest. I  _ can _ fight a man who doesn't have his priorities straight. Because whatever  _ he  _ was doing, he was just a puppet.

“Why didn’t you stop the Mayor from building factories?” I asked, a new cup of tea being poured for me. His face...his composure...he returned to this kind of idle foolishness. “We made an agreement. It benefited us both.”  _ Avatar, I don’t have words for your ignorance. Lao Beifong does not make agreements that benefit others. Can’t you see his snake-rat face?  _ It was at this point that Toph slammed the table with “that man you made an agreement with...he’s a liar!” before she grabbed her meat and resumed gobbling. That was her contribution. My mind ran through the conversation.  _ Agreements...New Taku...Free Elections. _ I continued questioning. “And what of ‘free elections’? The Earth Empire has no such system.” and I pointed with a hand held close to my chest at Toph. “Her Imperial Majesty was coronated. Enthroned. The Empress of Ten Thousand Years is not electable” and I saw Toph grin through her chewing. She liked when others were reminded of that. “The Earth Kings never were elected. A hundred generations of Kings. The Fire Lord is not an electable position. Where did you come up with ‘free’ elections?” I asked, thinking maybe he made it up. 

“I got it from the Water Tribes.” and he  _ smirked _ . “Where from the Water Tribes?” I asked, looking off towards the sea as if one of their cutters may show up to answer me. “Chief Hakoda, Your Earthliness.”  _ Chief Hakoda.  _ “Next think you’ll tell me Chief Hakoda is in Ba Sing Se-”  _ because I know one of his officers is _ . The Avatar laughed. “I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but no, he’s not in Ba Sing Se.”  _ Afraid of? His friend tried to assassinate me with a spear. His friend almost killed be. And now Lieutenant Gilak sits in a cell in Lake Laogai. _

I had almost forgotten that the Water Tribes weren’t  _ complete  _ savages. Aside from the Northerners being obsessed with their holier-than-all dynasty, and the Southerners often marrying their cousins to keep the waterbending blood pure, they also practice a system of government that would  _ not  _ work anywhere except the frozen tundra. They are ruled by a Council who is then ruled by a single Chief. All is determined by votes. Electors, as they are known. Each sub-commandery town, or rather it’s equivalent, tribal lands,  _ much smaller _ , has an individual voted to represent them. Or two. Or three. I don't know if 'voted' is the right word. The tribe agress that they're the best to represent the tribal lands. This individual then goes to the center of the Tribe and all representatives will come together to vote. It’s always an odd number. The highest number of electors I ever heard were, I believe, sixty-one people. Sixty one independent voices. With their own goals. It’s a good thing everyone is busy trying to survive the frigid weather or it’d be nonstop backstabbing. The truth is I know very little about their system of governance. I don’t know how many votes need to be earned to get a seat. Maybe when sixty-one igloo occupiers show up, they go ‘anyone with five votes can get a seat’. That would make sense. All I can say is that if they tried this in the Earth Empire or Fire Nation,  _ some _ one would start rigging the elections to favor his or her interest group. And, what’s that? Where’s New Taku? Right. The Colonies.  _ A mix of the best when it needs to be, like metallurgy, and the worst because it inherited it from it's parents, like backstabbing politicians. _

“Avatar, the Water Tribe system of government is a  _ failure _ .” All I could do was say it as it is. I couldn't hold back for politeness sake. Aang, getting another refill on his tea, gave me this look of  _ you-don’t-understand  _ followed by a ' _ I can answer all your questions _ .' I put my teacup down. “I recall a letter mentioning a man named Hongji as being elected to run the city. Who can be elected, how many votes are needed, and how long is each term?”  _ You hear that? Answer. This _ . “Your Earthliness, anyone may be elected. To discriminate and only let landed people be voted for would be thinking backwards.”  _ Thinking...backwards? Hold on I think my mind just melted _ .  _ What does a peasant know about ruling?  _ “To win, one must earn the majority of votes. So if two thousand people vote, the person who gets one thousand and one will win.”  _ Why do you sound so sure of yourself? This is- _ but my reactionary thoughts were interrupted by him continuing. “He who is voted will run the city for a single season. Then he or she may be reelected. This ensures that there’s always change. New ideas.”  _ New...ideas? What in Kyoshi? _ I had to take a moment to break my own nose with the amount of pinching. Then another moment to get up, walk down a flight of stairs past kowtowing guards, and scream silently at the air.  _ What in the name of Her Imperial Majesty is this madness?  _ The two Imperial Guards saw me shaking my hands at the ceiling and my mouth agape, silently shouting, and didn’t bother intervening. After that moment, I returned to the tea table to give a response to Aang. 

“Avatar-” an attendant pulled the chair back for me to sit down. “-Where do I begin?” and I shook my hands underneath the table. Shook from  _ this...this is what you were busy doing instead of helping the free Nations fight the Fire Nation? This is what you were busy doing instead of consulting wiser rulers like...well anyone. Anyone but you. Because you're a child.  _ “Your Earthliness, you look upset. I take it you don’t like the idea? That’s okay.” and he waved his hands in an attempt to calm me, or maybe a spirit, I have no clue, down. I felt as calm as Katara when she’s moody or showing symptoms of someone who is fatigued, moody, and having a bad hair day. Combined.  _ A common result of flying on a bison at high speed, wind blasting everyone _ . Okay, maybe she’s not always like that, but she is...sometimes. 

“Don’t like it? Where to begin?!” I shouted. He snapped from a bit of a involuntarily shock to a calm demeanor. “All your problems. Give them to me. It’s my job to help the rulers of all Nations to find balance and har-” while he calmly spoke about all these fancy promises, I cut him off because of the monorail of thought and the _raging_ sense of anger that was getting tired of being left inside my head. “Let’s start with landowners. Landowners usually know more than peasants. Someone who owns a business has to know how to run that business. A commoner? What does he or she know about administration or rulership?” _Probably more than you_. I kept going at a very high volume. “What does he or she know of managing the infrastructure? The garrison? Crime? Trade? Individuals will invest their entire lives into just _one_ of these professions. Traditionally, a member of the nobility, someone who is supposed to be well-educated, is given the position of Mayor.” _Side note: Of course much of the nobility has grown fat and bloated on their dynastic titles being passed from father to son, but I won’t tell him that because my point stands._ _They’re supposed to know how to administrate. And even when I say 'most', that's not true. There's dozens of competent Magistrates._ “How do you counter this, Avatar?” and I slammed my palm into the table. A glance, Toph was using her fingers to tear apart the white meat and eat it in chunks she deemed small enough to eat. Which weren’t that small. Back to the Avatar, “Your Earthliness, all men and women should have the right to a voice. Is this not a world we all inhabit? If all that stops someone like Sokka from being elected is he isn’t a noble, then that’s unfair to Sokka” he said, once more with a passionate argument. I’d almost tolerate his views just on his soft-spoken and kindhearted voice of charisma alone. _Almost_... Except they are delusions. Charisma does not replace intelligence. I would know. And it's bright -as bright as the Sun- clear that he has no idea what he's talking about. I love those who dwell within the borders of the Earth Empire. Farmers, lumberers, fishers, hunters, crafters, blacksmiths, among others. But none of those people know how to run a nation. Even I, the ‘heroic’ One-Eyed Badgermole, have little knowledge of what the Ministers do on a day-to-day basis. I understand their roles, and I hope to be able to determine a crisis from a daily issue, but I could never replace them. One cannot just toss in an unqualified person to fill the role of someone with merits because of populism or nepotism. And the 'Sokka' argument is wrong because that's saying 'I know this man, he's my brother-in-law, he'd make for a better ruler than someone who trained to be a ruler'.

And did I mention that he’s wrong about Sokka?  _ Yes, but also no. But also, now I am _ . Sokka, whatever can be said or not said of him, is still a Prince of the Southern Water Tribe. Compared to the Earth Empire, he’s insignificant. But...he’s still a Prince. Back in the day, a minor Earth Kingdom magistrate would regard his visit with respect. He or she might even throw a feast in honor of this Prince’s arrival. And there’s another thing. Something the Avatar keeps forgetting.

His title as the Avatar gives him a status among the commoners I stand no chance to beat. The Avatar gets free handouts. The Avatar had to make massive blunders at Yu Dao and Black Sun to earn criticisms. He had to be gone for a hundred years. And yet, that can’t destroy the commoners’ rituals and traditions. Even Avatar Kuruk earned the love of the people. More often than not, the Avatar’s biggest rivals are fellow world leaders. If not them, then low-level governors and magistrates to whom he or she would be loved more than the low-level administrators themselves. Her Imperial Majesty is a goddess to Her people, but the Avatar is...the Avatar. I doubt he has much support in the Earth Empire, though. The people of the Empire are far more likely to worship and support the Empress. But even then, if the Avatar showed up at a town, tradition -ironically, something I would think the Avatar of all people would want to preserve- dictates that he be given all kinds of things for free. The point is, Sokka has a title, Companion of the Avatar, that carries lots of weight. If he tried to get himself elected, there’s a good chance his affiliation would win him the seat without any plotting. Sokka is not a peasant. Sokka is Sokka, Inventor of the Airship Slice, Wielder of Boomerang, and so on...

_ And we’re only part of the way there _ . On to perhaps the stupidest…’law’. “A majority of votes? So if ten people show up to vote, six people can decide the fate of the city?” I asked with steadfast seriousness, a cold face, and a queue professionally hanging behind me. I say this because the Avatar laughed. He buckled in laughter. “That’s really funny, Your Earthliness!”  _ But you didn’t answer the question _ . “Answer the question” I cut off his laughter. “I…” he rubbed his neck, “if only ten people show up then yes.” “And how many people are eligible to vote?” was my logical next question. This one he answered with confidence. “If you reside within the city, you’re able to vote.”  _ Wait so that means...you can vote without any kind of check. Oh, this is going to be fun. And by fun I mean New Taku's probably on fire, currently.  _ “Side point, but can you vote for someone who doesn’t live in the city?” I asked, thinking of a hilarious bureaucratic loophole. “I...I mean sure. I never officially said that but there’s nothing stopping anyone. Free voting. I highly doubt anyone would vote for someone who lives outside of the city. Because that wouldn’t make sense.” and he drank his tea, innocently unaware of what he said.  _ No it really doesn’t make any sense. Considering the number of ex-Fire Nationals, I could see Fire Lord Zuko earning a large number of votes. He’d definitely make for a better ruler _ . 

In the middle of this too-good-to-be-true, and by too-good I mean too-cactus-juice-inflated, monorail of thought, I forgot to mention that having a varying number of voters is a bad idea. So if a hundred thousand vote this week but ten thousand vote in a month, each person in next month’s vote counts for much more. This system wants to encourage the people? They’re going to either drive a couple Electors -using the Water Tribe analogy- to buy up votes or the same Electors to discourage voting. I may have continued thinking about how stupid Electors are but my queue was tugged on,  _ I’m not a chain _ , and I was pulled over to Toph. “Try some of this, it’s great”, she said after having chomped away most of the meat. She ripped a long piece of the bird's muscle off the bone, her hands  _ coated  _ in grease, and tried shoving it into my mouth like she’s feeding Lord Qiangyang. I took the piece of meat off her greasy palm and  _ om, nom, nom, nom _ . “It tastes quite good” I commented to her while Aang watched our interaction with some kind of amazement. She had to throw an artillery shell into all this. “Some of that grease on that piece of meat was from my hand.” I didn’t gag because I hate her hands, no, quite the contrary. I like her hands. Small and nice and all that. It’s more...well how do I put this...she's a fan of 'protective layer of earth' and I don't like the taste of Huizhou dirt. Or Moon People sand. I prefer feeding myself with my own hands, and utensils. Someone like Toph who I spend all my time -and enjoy every moment- with? She washes her hands once a day, at best. So I gagged. Toph’s response? “I know, right? My oogies are just that dangerous!” and she took her greasy hand and ran it along - _ no that’s my chest _ \- my face. Correction, she eventually found my face. To which she made sure my face was massaged, not with lotion, but grease. 

I went back to talking to the Avatar when she finished. “A single season? Why?” I said while I took something to wipe my face down with from the hands of a idle attendant. “If we-”  _ ha, he’s referring to them as him  _ “-elect an official for a long amount of time, what would separate it from a monarchy?”  _ wipe, wipe _ . I resisted the urge to slap myself in the face with my palm. Toph? She was still eating. “You’re kidding, right?” was the only thing I could muster. “Nope. An official elected for too long would be like a monarch.” his earnestness could kill except for the passivism. No, wait, pacifism.  _ Inhale. Exhale. Don’t punch anyone in the face _ . “Avatar, a monarchy isn’t just ‘oh now I rule for life’.”  _ It’s not just that. It really isn't. It’s much, much more. _ “I’m always open to the wisdom of the monarchs, Your Earthliness” he said, standing and giving a snap-Air Nomad bow. He’s so respectfully disrespectful. “The Fire Lords and the Earth Kings are not just figureheads. They are supreme leaders of all military and civil actions. Campaigns are issues, edicts are stamped, wars are fought and peace is earned. Her Imperial Majesty doesn’t just sit on a chair and eat food all day,” to which Toph spat out her food in amusement.  _ I...I mean...just...pretend to play along with me. We're in front of a foreigner _ . “Her Imperial Majesty is also a figure by which the population can rally around. Appointing a random individual to be the...Chief, let’s call it, would cause dilemmas. Because then what stops people from viewing his reign as something to rally behind. He's just...one of the people.” The Avatar, a literal incumbent of the Spirits, should really know better. “Your Earthliness, if he only rules for a short time, then everyone will get a chance to rule.”  _ You...what in Kyoshi? Everyone? Everyone? Inhale.  _

_Exhale_. “You’d rather have a new ruler all the time? What kind of stupidity…” I took another breather, _inhale, exhale_ , “...What stops a ruler from being a despot?” It’s okay, logic can be thrown right out the window. We _are_ talking to an egg, afterall. And by we I mean a pillow is talking to an egg. Logic was left behind back at...somewhere. “The person elected would have a board of advisors, Your Earthliness. And a representative from the rest of the nations.” _Rest of the nations?_ I sighed into my robes because I could see _-no, really, for once I could see-_ where this will go terribly wrong. “Avatar,” and he turned his away from looking off towards the east. “Yes, Your Earthliness?” “What constitutes a representative? One person for the whole Fire Nation?” “That’s right, Your Earthliness.” _What in the name of Kyoshi?_ “Avatar...the Earth Empire has a thousand different ethnic groups.” “But you’re all unified under her” and he pointed at the mouthful-of-food Empress. _Really? Who sent me the letter saying ‘Your Majesty, all the different peoples have been unified’ because I didn’t receive such a letter._ _And...how dare you. Give the woman gnawing away at a greasy piece of meat, or now picking her nose, the respect an Empress deserves._

I mustered the breaths to just keep at this. I  _ needed  _ to know just as much as I didn't want to. “So this official will have representatives of other nations-”  _ What’s stopping them from exerting their political influence over this leader?  _ “-along with a board of advisors. Do these people also have elections?”  _ Because if they do then your government not only will collapse, it’ll never start _ . “No, Your Earthliness. A Business Council comprised of the largest business owners will appoint an advisory board who will serve future Chairpersons. For now he is the Mayor but we intend to rename the rank.”  _ Wait what?  _ Now I was confused. “Chairpersons? That’s the name of your Mayor-but-higher-up?” but he took the question to mean something else. “Chairman or Chairwoman. Chairpeople. Chairperson.” the way he said it was like he was figuring out how to add verbs to word.  _ I chair, you chair, we chair.  _ Back to the point I assume he was making:  _ No. I don’t care if it's egalitarian. That name...you’ll be a laughingstock _ . “Who gave you the name?” I said, a sudden headache -because I bet I know who came up with all this- making me slump. “The Business Council. They also set the term limits.”  _ Of course. I was right. Leave it to Lao _ . Mayor sounds small. Chairman sounds...bigger. Chairman gives him more power because a Mayor...there's countless Mayors but only one Chairperson.

“The current Chairman, how is he going to get anything done in a single season?”  _ As much as this is insane, it's also interesting.  _ For all this, the Avatar demonstrated his mature seriousness being overlapped by his happy seriousness. A kind of maturity I couldn't take seriously. “The Advisory Board, the Council, will attend all his meetings and vote on laws.”  _ What? So...you just stole the Imperial Court and simplified it?  _ “Is there nothing absolute in this system of government? They vote on everything?” “That’s correct, Your Earthliness.” I choked on my tea. Once I was done not-gagging,  _ I saved myself at the last moment,  _ I thanked the Avatar. “Thank you, Avatar. The Earth Emperor congratulates you on attempting to form a government.” He smiled, happy to hear the compliments. 

After some time pondering and more time eating rice, something hit me in the face. And no it wasn’t Toph’s palm. “Avatar, you do realize that city is still part of the Earth Empire, right?” and he gave me this surprised face. “All I’ve done is encourage the city itself to vote for the leader. I gave it a new system of government.”  _ Great. So?  _ “And has that leader sworn fealty to the Badgermole Throne?” The Avatar rubbed his forehead in embarrassment. “He...forgot? Aren’t the Colonies up for debate?”  _ I...what?  _ “Last I checked, every piece of land on this continent belongs to the Badgermole Throne. New Taku is ours and you have-” a plate hit the table, followed by “Kyoshi!” from Toph. I swiveled to face the Empress, her mouth dripping from the grease that painted both cheeks and her lips. My tone switched from 'I politely disagree' from earlier to formal. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Twinkletoes. New Taku is part of the Earth Empire.” and that’s what got the Avatar to stand up and “excuse me for a moment” before running for the railing, jumping off, and presumably sticking the landing on his skybison. “Kyoshi, is he about to fly away?” Toph asked, getting up and walking past me and my kowtow.. “I don’t think so.” and I was right.

He jumped over the railing and landed on the deck. He pulled a scroll out of his monk robes. “Your Earthliness, take this.” and he handed me a map. A map. Mountains on three sides, the Mo Ce on the fourth. I could line my middle three fingers up with the map. If my palm was on the Mo Ce and my figners pointed east, then this is what it would look like: The top and bottom fingers would have mountains above and beneath them, respectively. Between the top and middle and middle and bottom fingers -the spaces between them- are two rivers. The three fingers are the arable land. The middle finger, the peninsula, has a set of lines and what look to be docks drawn on to the tip facing the Mo Ce. A grid, of sorts. “And what is this, Avatar?” I said, pointing at such lines and docks. “This is New Taku, the city. Streets and ports. Built almost overnight by benders.” “And all that land is the Earth Empire.” I pointed at the land across the rivers. “It is.” “And New Taku itself is confided to the land where the Air Nomads once habited?” “That’s correct, Your Earthliness.”  _ I guess I can't fight you on this. Not...now. I'm too tired. _

His system of government can’t last. A person a season? What kind of nonsense is that? And giving the Business Council the right to all this say? So the Business Council controls the city and they have a figurehead. Good to know. “Avatar, in the name of the Earth Empire, may I pay your humble city a visit?” This made him jump up and down with glee. “That would be wonderful! Any time you’d like-” I stopped him with a hand, “Great great, I was being hypothetical.” I handed the map back to him and asked “so what’s with the world leaders all coming to Ba Sing Se uninvited? Are we having some kind of meeting there?” This off-guard question caught him off-guard. “Zuko might want to bring up the Colonies, or his government.” Well Zuko can go bring up the Colonies in the Colonies, the land his great-grandfather  _ stole _ , and he can talk day and night about a government full of people that want him dead. I wasn’t going to jump to tell Aang we were against this And as for New Taku? We could get a great trade deal from all this. He can have the hassle of a bunch of Lao Beifong’s friends and we can get the goods. Because... _ I'm too tired for anything else _ and Toph already stated what she stated. A Free City is still part of the Empire.

The conversation returned to one of geography. Today’s original objective, as ordered by Toph, was to try Twinkletoesing Twinkletoes. I went and obtained a local map and looked at it. The lands around Chameleon Bay are  _ not  _ deserted. “Avatar, have you ever been to Dongfang?” and I pointed at the long crescent-shaped piece of land on the eastern side of the map. “I didn’t even know it was called that" he replied, scanning the map with his two quite usable large eyes. _ That’s a great start _ . Some of these names I even recognized from my readings. “Avatar, do you know where a large portion of our food comes from?” “No, I don’t, Your Earthliness.” I pointed at that finger of land. 

Such far lands posed little threat to the Fire Nation. A hundred years of war and most of which they were busy sieging lands worth half as much yet twice as large. A year-long temperate climate ensures nearly constant growing seasons. No Fire Nation salt to destroy farmland. Commanderies like Gansu and Wuhai have remained under the same rulership for hundreds of years. Sacks of grain might travel from Baiyan, in the far south of the peninsula, along a monorail for two weeks before reaching Ba Sing Se and then another few days before reaching our dinner plates. Hanshu, Shinu and Chengji send us the finest fruits, well preserved, along the same monorail line. Prior to the introduction of such monorails, they would sail along the eastern coast of the Feicui before reaching Nangang and transported up to Ba Sing Se from there. The Yinchuan Islands, a small group of islands that jut into the Feicui, provide a protective barrier for these trade lines. In addition, they protect the Drydocks of Bayan. Docks that have produced thousands upon thousands of junks for use by the Badgermole Throne. Most of these ships meet early sea graves but it’s the thought that counts. The Fire Navy occasionally sent expeditions this far east only to meet heavy resistance. Armies that can stand in line, ships that fire volleys, that kind of terrifying stuff.

The people of the far east are like a relic of an old age. I believe Song hails from such lands, and it was from such lands where he was raised with the Art of the Gentleman. Learning to ride a ostrich horse, calligraphy, the blade, the bow along with mathematics and traditions. These people do not worship local spirits. They do not maintain a massive military. They do not fall into vile savagery. And they certainly couldn’t care less for the Avatar. They make the Gan Jin look like a untrained militia. They unanimously support the Badgermole Throne. It is ironic, for across the Feicui, the lands of Xigousi and Huizhou are filled with  _ daofei _ . 

Aang went back to Appa to enjoy some sleep. Toph went downstairs to go find Lord Qiangyang and pet him for half a day or whatever her objective was. I stayed topdeck, loving the sea breeze. “Reminds you of home?” opted the shoulder nudging Kyoshi Warrior who spontaneously showed up behind me. I walked over to the railing and looked back at her. “Why, it doesn’t remind you?” She thought about it, made the face of someone  _ contemplating  _ it, and concluded “Kyoshi Island was much chillier.”  _ As always, you’re right Sukes.  _ I tried my best to counter her. “There’s a time for warm temperate sea air, right?” She snickered. “I guess. Imagine Sokka and Katara.” and she pointed at the two sleeping bags. “They fly too close to the temperate lands, they might melt”. The two of us laughed.

Long enough later that I felt the sun scorching my skin, it turns out an entire fleet of ships popped up at our side.  _ A fleet is an overstatement. They were more like a dozen boats.  _ They all flew green sails emblazoned with the Earth Empire’s coin, and upon my questioning of Wuhan “where did they come from?” he shook his head and “I have no idea, Your Majesty, consult the other Captain.” So I turned, walked to and found the  _ other  _ Captain who was enjoying her bowl of rice. “Suki, where did they come from?” She shrugged. “Maybe they spotted our gigantic Imperial Sigil sail?” and I looked up at the central mast of this five-masted junk. It was at that moment that it hit me that for some absolutely insane reason, we lugged this large Imperial sail from Gaoling. Not Gaoling, the place to it's west that we stopped off at before. The name will come back to me at some point.  _ Now that’s dedication, whoever had the job of doing that. _ “Suki, any ideas on who to ask?” and she stopped her rice pluck mid-pluck and pointed off at a doorway. “See the other Captain? I'd recommend him” I turned and walked past Wuhan and over to the doorway. “Is there a Captain in there, is he inebriated, and can he disclose where this fleet came from?” and I banged on the doorway. “No, he can’t.” said a voice to my left. 

Turning to my left, a figure loomed in the shadowy part of the doorway. This is because the deck above us overhangs the doorway and the sun’s high enough -note, the sun being so high up is rare- that it casted a shadow on us. “Excuse me, figure I can’t see, who are you?” and the figure took a step forward. He bowed and his conical hat threatened to poke me in the chin. The Captain of the Dai Li that came with us. Of course _he’d_ be the guy standing here. “Do you just hide in shadows everywhere?” I had to ask. “Affirmative, Your Majesty.” “Afraid of a sunburn?” I quipped. “Dai Li rule number two hundred and twelve, no sun tanning, Your Majesty” _What?_ “Why is that a rule?” “Why is rule number one thousand one hundred and twenty three; no assassinating The Dragon of the West, Crown Prince and formerly General Iroh during Pai Sho sessions a rule?” he countered. _That’s not a rule. You made that up._ “Is that a rule?” I asked with bewilderment. “Long Feng’s orders. We could kill his son, sure, but during the Siege, we were explicitly forbidden from killing him in an undignified manner, Your Majesty” _What in the name of Kyoshi is this organization?_ I felt like I was drunk. I wasn't drunk. “But he’s still alive.” and I pointed in the vague direction of Caldera, the west, because last I checked he was still alive. “Agents were sent to kill him but he’d stop them when they entered with a ‘You’re here to kill me, I can tell because you don’t look like you’re from the Fire Nation and you rock-skate instead of walk, before you kill me let’s have a polite conversation over tea’, sit them down for tea, and send them back home crying when he beat them repeatedly in Pai Sho.” and he slumped just a smidge, a slump of defeat, “So we were unsuccessful, Your Majesty.” _But...He’s...He’s the Crown Prince. One rock glove, the end_. “Were your men that incompetent?” I asked, _because if they were I’ve got to do some mass arresting of the people that do the mass arresting_. “No, no. I was a Field Agent back then. But our men were ordered to be polite, Your Majesty. We knock before we murder you in your sleep.” then he realized how he phrased it and “well not Your Majesty while sleeping. Unless you go against Her Imperial Majesty’s orders. But that’s a conversation for another time”. _I see...with my good eye...a conversation for another time. Like when I’m about to be killed?_ _That’s comforting_. “But he’s the Fire...he was the Crown Prince. Isn’t that a worthwhile cause?” I argued. The cold agent replied, coldly, “Of course it is, Your Majesty, but we’re sending in individual agents to the middle of a heavily entrenched encampment. And they’ve got families, Your Majesty sees. Nobody who grew up with class is all ‘I’m going to impolitely kill you’. It was only later that Long Feng got tired of our decency and started ordering us to follow Kyoshi’s rules.” _I’m terribly confused, Captain._ “Did you extend this decency to anyone else?” and he possibly, somewhere, might’ve smiled. I couldn’t tell through that dead glare. “Orders were specifically for Crown Prince Iroh. He was an honorable foe so we were going to give him an honorable death.” _You.. but you’re assassins! You kill people in the middle of the night! I’ve watched teams do very impolite things! What is this madness?!_ “Was Long Feng for or against your politeness?” “He was against it, Your Majesty. Had the former Head of the Dai Li executed for ‘being too nice to foreign threats’ and then the next guy followed his orders.” _Now I’m less confused_. "The next guy?" I wondered. "Xuan. Current head of the legendary Daiyu noble Dai Li family. Tough, deadly, carries himself regally and professional. Any who go against the Badgermole Throne are in for it, Your Majesty. He took on ten firebenders, alone. Even after being severly burned, he was able to kill them all." _Noble Dai Li family? You guys have nobility? That's...that makes some kind of sense._

“But Iroh could’ve breached the Inner Ring if you didn’t have him killed.” I pointed out. If I recall my history, he was quite close, too. And with just siege engines and flames. “And that was  _ not  _ my job to handle. I‘ve got no clue what plans our late Grand Secretariat had for that specific instance.”  _ But...we’ve… I’ve lived through this. The second time around _ . “You remember when Princess Azula showed up?” I asked him. He maintained his coldness, but I’m sure he did. “I do, Your Majesty” he stated, still quite cold with a hint of despair. “And what were your orders then? Long Feng was still the Grand Secretariat up until midday."  _ Up until he was toasted.  _ “And the late Grand Secretariat wanted us to make  _ peace  _ with the Fire Nation. Surrender. He told everyone to cease their defensive plans and submit, as ‘if we surrender we can plot from within, a pile of ashes can’t plot.’ Did we listen to him? Did we?” and he tipped his hat.  _ As I remember, probably not _ . “No. The Badgermole Throne before all! The Badgermole Throne until the end. The Rule of Kyoshi before all!” and the Captain bowed. “That your oath or something?” I asked. “Pretty much, Your Majesty.”  _ Lovely oath.  _ “So did you betray your Grand Secretariat?” “No, we defended our Palace. And we died, Your Majesty." “And Long Feng died" I concluded for him. “Because he greeted the Fire Princess and,  _ what _ , improperly bowed?” and the Captain laughed to himself.  _ Laughed _ . “I forgot, I wasn’t there.” I mean I  _ was  _ there but I wasn’t standing there so I have no idea. “And what would’ve happened if Long Feng wasn’t stricken with a lightning bolt?” “He’d have surrendered the city, let the Princess do whatever her teenage mind considered ruling, then await his turn to return, the savior of the city and of the ten of us who weren’t ash.” 

Long Feng is a strange anomaly to history. A man who rose through all the ranks, served one monarch and appointed the regent of another and fought for forty long years to maintain his grip on a city too large to be controlled. He enacted reforms to try and bring back Kyoshi’s original intentions of the Dai Li. Silent, deadly, precise. And he succeeded. Crime nearly vanished, and while thousands were sent to a secret underground prison,  _ millions  _ lived their lives in the safest place across the world. He also pushed for reforms to allow ‘barbarians’ and other non-Ba Sing Sers the right to work in any positions. It’s why Wuhan is Captain of the Imperial Guard despite being a ‘dirty barbarian’. The Avatar never had the chance to meet him and I saw him for a quick flash,  _ blink _ , and that was that. He was no hero but he was far from the tyrant many could paint him as. He held a city under control from his rise until his bitter end. He is a hallmark for the history of the Kingdom. One or two people trying to reform the irreformable, trying to save the unsavable, trying to push forward while Ten Thousand Years push backwards. A final note, he also had Dai Li agents sent across the Mo Ce to spy on the Royal Palace. After ten years of acting as cooks and servants, they helped us during our Siege by causing chaos within the Palace itself. They killed officers and sabotaging anything they could get their hands on. So if nothing else, I owe him for that. Thank you, man who tried his hardest and failed. 

Back to the Dai Li Captain who never dared to speak unless spoken to, “so where’s the Captain?” he turned on a heel and put a hand to the wall. “He’s asleep. I’ll fetch him for you” I’d ask ‘how do you know’ but he was probably spying on the man. The officer punched the wall and...nothing happened. Well something did happen. He held out his hand, like punching the wooden wall meant nothing. “Do you not go ‘ow’ when you hit something unbreakable?” I asked the  _ is he kind of grimacing?  _ Captain. “It’s made of wood, Your Majesty.”  _ No, really? _ Even though it was, he left a big fist-sized dent in that wooden wall. “Can’t we go through the door, Captain?” and he tipped his hat and  _ punched the door _ . Still nothing. “With. Our.” and I reached for the doorknob “Hands.” and twisted it. 

Because the spirits hate me obtaining information, a loud crack and  _ boom  _ overtook the silence of the seas. The Captain of the Dai Li snapped to grab me and toss me backwards. Backwards for protection “You, find the Empress.” I ordered him while rolling off a fall. He nodded. The loud patter of footsteps, running, and some shouting, replaced the explosion. I think one of the ships to our flank lost it's center mast. Amidst the dozens of people running about, I spotted Wuhan standing still in the middle of the deck. He was looking off to our left. I caught up to him, having to dodge one sailor who almost tripped me, and he pointed at the sky.

I didn’t need his shouting "Aircraft!" to see them.

Eight monoplanes. In two squadrons of four. Bearing... _ brown?  _ Emblems beneath the wings. He backed up to let me run past and I ran upstairs to where the rudderman was. He had a horn hanging off the railing, I grabbed it, and gave it my all. On the spot, the running-about sailors and Imperial Guard stopped whatever nonsense they were doing to look up at me. “Anti-aircraft! Hit ‘em with everything!” I screamed, and the soldiery punched the air crying "Ten Thousand Years!". “Your Majesty, you might want one of these” Wuhan shouted while pointing at  _ something _ behind me.  _ What is it?  _ “What? You’re being a bit-,” we were interrupted by a  _ BOOM  _ “-vague". The sound came from a man punching a metal tube, launching an anti-aircraft shell. Others were pulling fortified earth discs out of the ship -there were a dozen positions for both anti-ship and anti-air earth disc launching- and punching them at the aircraft that flew overhead. “Behind the rear of the ship!” he shouted. I turned around and ran to the back railing. Looking down, I saw  _ exactly  _ what he meant. 

Two biplanes, on floats.  _ I could kiss whichever old man had this idea. Probably the Mechanist _ . Before I could say  _ anything  _ I was flanked by two agents. “Your Majesty, the biplane?” one asked.  _ You better bet your life on it _ . I nodded. “Wuhan! Is it armed with anything?” I shouted, backwards, while the two agents grabbed my arms. “A repeating crossbow, Your Majesty”.  _ Oh good, a repeating crossbow. _ "Everyone else, protect Her Imperial Majesty or my ghost  _ will  _ kill you!" and I heard lots of affirmatives. Not that I needed to yell it, but in this moment of panic and explosions, my mind went to my Empress first. With agents running off to her, I refocused my good eye on the Captain of her Imperial Guard. “Wuhan, let’s blow something up!” and I heard his gruff Northern voice murmer a prayer to the Great Hunter.

Me and my Imperial Robes were about to go  _ flying  _ and I mean that quite literally. 

_ Avatar, time to show you why I’m the second-best pilot in the Empire. _

_ Into the sky we go!  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we go into the sky, flying quite fast and flying quite high. Next time, the Mechanist's most recent invention: Rear-mounted repeating crossbows. 
> 
> The Age of Wolf-dogfighting has begun.
> 
> For now, Encyclopedic Notes on Cowardly Folks (Or: Get inside my sleep-deprived mind and get spoon-fed):  
> -The day Mori discovered dragons are good at turning people into well-cooked ash is when Azula burned the Imperial Palace  
> -The day he learned of metalbending, Toph was playing with Sokka's boomerang  
> -Mori rarely acts as the 'seeing eye person'. Toph trained him to be one in the event he'd need to deceive someone (like a Dai Li agent at a Wall crossing).  
> -Yes, Mori didn't know it was called the Feicui Sea. But it is. It's distinguished from the Eastern/Sunrise Sea proper by the Dongfang and Huizhou Peninsulas.  
> -Was the land that the Avatar set aside occupied by spirits? Possibly. We'll never know. Mori doesn't really...care that much. Reason being, the events that transpired at the same time in Caldera, events that he personally experienced.  
> -Mori references when he was almost killed by Water Tribesmen assassins for motives that are somewhat unclear but believed to be because the Imperial Navy 'abandoned' them at Caldera the first time.  
> -This chapter lets the Avatar demonstrate why giving a teenager the power of being a world-ender is not a good idea. Because teenagers are dumb and think they can solve all the world's problems with little consequence. And when that teenager has the power of the Avatar, he can. Sure, it's a nice story, 'The Avatar invents proper democracy', but the Avatar is also a moron because you can't just upturn societies. Moreso, you have to have enough worldliness (ironically, the Avatar doesn't because he lives in a bubble, he only travels where he wants) to understand that any time there's 'change', there's going to be opportunists that arrive to take advantage of the 'new'. Like Lao Beifong.  
> -Mori will visit New Taku one day.  
> -All crazy Dai Li ideas were created by me. All inspiration for such crazy ideas goes to Ahlyae, a woman with a million words of Dai Li stories in her head but unable to write any of them down. So thank her for some of the nonsense I've written. Not enough to get a writing credit, but enough to get an encyclopedia credit.  
> -Credit to the name and character of Xuan Daiyu goes to Ahlyae. Not that she wrote this, I practically invented her character's canon. But still, credit to the idea of a 'noble' Dai Li family with lineage stretching all the way back to the first generation of Dai Li goes to Ahlyae.  
> -Mori got lots of time in to practice flying. He's not the best, he's the second best, but compared to most of the Empire, that's pretty good. And, like Suki, he's got an inherant knack for picking up flying (she picked up piloting an airship, he picked up piloting a biplane).


	22. The First Wolf-dogfighting (A one-sided conflict, as all firsts often are)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mori goes flying and demonstrates his not-mediocrity at flying a wooden casket with wings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My shortest chapter yet (both in writing, and I'm up to chapter 60 something, and publishing). I didn't have much to add. It was originally part of the previous chapter, but I was recommended to segment it into two parts since this has nothing to do with the Avatar's incompetence in politics.

Chapter Eighty-Six:

The Dai Li grabbed the back of the ship -a metal panel, to be precise- and lowered themselves using an insane technique only they could possibly come up with. How they fall so effortlessly while not tearing the metal sheet off is beyond me but I’m also me. Wuhan? He pulled a piece of metal out and platformed his way down. I spotted those aircraft as they came back in for another fly-by. They weren't in the best of formations and there didn't seem to be and hand-wave communication between them. The aircraft trailed along by the ship were strung by rope to two wooden posts each, said posts were on top of a wooden boardwalk. Normally, boardwalks are along the beach. Except we're in the middle of the open sea. The whole picture, monoplanes flying over us, ships loosing discs and shells at them, and two biplanes being dragged along on floats...it's a bit of an insane and random portrait, yes? But it'll do, since it's not like I'm going to grow earthbending powers.

_ Now. For choice of aircraft. Left or right? Right’s got two seats _ . I turned to the man who had just brought both palms up and stopped the metal sheet from falling into the greenish-blue seas. “Wuhan, you want to join me?” and he nodded.  _ Right it is _ . I hopped in the front seat, prayed that this thing wasn’t about to explode next time I closed my eyes, and inquired “Wuhan, you checked each of these, right?” from behind me, “That’s correct. When we were at port”. I shouted “Start her up!” The agents looked at me like I was intoxicated.  _ Oh right, they’ve never flown biplanes before.  _ “Take the propeller and do the turn-ey thing!” Wuhan clarified, climbing into the back seat.  _ Start. Start! Turn it!  _ The propeller was given a great big pull, combine that with me hitting the right button, and it started up. I know why Toph enjoys engines. They make such wonderful sounds when they work and aren’t on fire. The percussive  _ whir  _ of the propeller was cut short by-

_ Boom.  _ Something exploded. Not from our biplane. Not yet. “Agents, if the two of us die, make sure to-”  _ oh forget it, epitaphs are for monks _ . I didn't continue. Something was exploding somewhere. Normally I’d be taxiing the aircraft on the ground and have to listen to the sounds of wheels, but here, the aircraft started moving on it's own. Moving backwards and away from the ship, since the junk was moving forward and our propeller meant we were advancing forward...in the other direction. I spotted the anti-aircraft-launched shells exploding just above the fleet of junks. One of the junks was sinking to our side. Another was missing the center mast. Another exploded, sending wooden shrapnel into the sky in a fountain of brown. Green dots were swimming about next to the sinking ship.  _ I can't think about that right now. I hope all of you try not to die. Yet. _

_Okay, this is just water. Water is like land, except we’ve got waves. And no runway markings. And everything’s heavier. And it's water. Think, tree-man, think!_ The floats made turning easy. Easy being subjective. The propeller fired up and now we were...taxiing. Taxiing on nothing, in nothing. “Wuhan, note the time.” The Captain shouted back a “Why?” “In case we die, it's a good idea.” “Sun’s too high.” _You temperate folk and your high sun. I miss the sun that used to vanish half the year_. “I’ve got a repeating crossbow attached to this thing” he yelled. _What. Why. How. How does that...you know what?_ _That’s good. Great._ I taxied forward and “Go Agni!” and a punch to the air for good fortune. Wuhan might’ve laughed, or maybe he agreed. I have no idea. Every moment felt like a year as I heard those faint buzzing engines spinning around our fleet. I hit the throttle, the propeller spun even faster, I quickly confirmed our flaps are functioning, and _let’s do it_. 

Pulling off the tight grasp of the sea is akin to lying down beneath a blanket during a cold night. It’s so sensational and relieving. Except unlike a blanket, I had to wrestle with the water. The water didn't want to give way and I didn't want to die.  _ Pull back! Pull back! Come on!  _ The control stick went into my gut and we were  _ into the sky! _ Except now we were in the air and even the smallest of improper motions would kill us both. Because flying is about focus. Like a duel except even more dangerous. Still. Sensational. We weren’t alone. Appa and all the power vested in him effortlessly took flight, a young airbending prodigy at the reins.  _ What is he going to do, tell the monoplanes to stop nicely?  _ No, he didn’t. One of those monoplanes tried dropping a  _ bomb  _ on the young Avatar. The Avatar punched upwards with one hand while the other beckoned the mythical beast down. The fireblast hit the bomb and the two formed a nice big,  _ loud  _ cloud of explosion.  _ Right, right, of course. He's the Avatar. _

I eyed one of the squadrons, four monoplanes, flying in a rough  _ possibly a- more likely a bunch of drunks  _ formation. “Can we kill them?” I called my backseater. “We can try!” He replied.  _ That we can.  _ I banked left and decided the reasonable thing to do was to charge the lot of ‘em.  _ I don't know what we're going to do. Maybe you'll punch them to death with a dao?  _ One of them noticed the two maniacs flying the bright green aircraft  _ right at them _ and banked right. “Wuhan, does that crossbow work?” is a question I should’ve asked before diving off the junk. But I didn’t. “It does, Your Majesty!”  _ That’s good. We wouldn’t want jammed crossbows _ .  _ It just works. Great. Good.  _ The two of us almost tore the back mast of a three-master junk off. That’s how low we were. A really quick glance to the left showed the competent Imperial Guard launching and missing earth disc strikes. We flew towards this madman and his monoplane and decided to play a game I’m going to call “two fly at each other and die!” because that’s what was happening. Except it didn’t. “Hit ‘em when we pass” I yelled. “Got it!” from Wuhan.

I hit the control stick, the elevators activated, and we turned towards the greenish-tinted sea by which the Feicui gets its name.  _ Whirr _ . The shadow of the aircraft came over us and I heard three quick  _ thunks _ . “I got him!” Wuhan shouted while I pulled back with all my force, practically hammering my torso with this stick. We pulled up, up, and now we were ascending. I barely managed to turn my head to spot the monoplane. It had a hole in its left wing at the back where the turning ailerons would be located. That monoplane pilot, valiant as he was, tried banking to the right but then the entire aileron snapped off.  _ Poor man.  _ He’d have a couple moments to thank the Spirits for the finest Imperial designs. 

And that’s why I fly a biplane. Missing an aileron? Try two.  _ Not that it'll save us. But it's reassuring. Which is good. I like being reassured that we won't die right now right yet. _ I pressed forward on the stick and got us to a level height. Glancing to spot the anti-aircraft loose whatever they had at more-agile aircraft, I concluded our best move was to try and distract all six remaining aircraft with our biplane. Someone somewhere downed another one with a direct hit from a large artillery shell, so good on them. “Wuhan, let’s repeat what we did.” I optimistically commanded. “Good idea" he replied, just as eager as I was. So we did. I flew us over the junk with the big blue and green sail, tried and failed to salute it, even offered a "Ten Thousand Years!" to probably no avail, and turned left. The six aircraft had taken to circling beyond the range of our anti-aircraft weapons. The wooden decks below us were replaced by rough waters and we flew  _ right into  _ an aircraft ball.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . Wuhan was loosing bolts at something casting a plane-like shadow above us. “Miss!”  _ It’s a plane _ . I pulled back on the stick, smashed my chest in, and we flew up. 

We ascended and I had to press forward to avoid combining my aircraft and a monoplane. He could’ve dropped his bomb on us but, no, he didn’t. I banked right. “Four planes on our tail!” Wuhan shouted.  _ Four?  _ I couldn’t turn around to confirm it but that meant my goal was completed.  _ Now you're following us, which means you're not attacking the Empress.  _ The dozen ship fleet became like one mass at this distance. “Wuhan, how far can we go on this?” I asked. “I have no idea!” the man who wasn't a mechanic or a pilot replied.  _ That’s more than nothing _ . “If we die, remember to tell everyone I’m a moron!” I made sure to tell him. “That’ll be hard, but sure!”  _ Well try then!  _

I was able to sneak a head turn in and saw that the six aircraft were all following us. I think Teo once remarked, in regards to playing a game of “chase the other” with gliders, “It doesn’t matter how many people are chasing you. Five. Ten. Twenty. A hundred. Only one can be on your tail.” And he was right. Five of them were swerving back and forth in a rough kind-of-a formation. They'd bank left, right, up, down, trying to get on my tail. A sixth was directly behind us. “Wuhan, I pull back, you hit ‘em” “Got it!” So I pulled back.  _ Thunk thunk thunk _ . For a blink of time or two, nothing. I turned my head around. One of the monoplanes fell forward, it's unknown if the pilot was killed or something else, and  _ smash!  _ He hit one of the guys below him just behind the pilot’s seat, cutting the monoplane into a front and back half.  _ Poor man.  _ Whatever the case, that was two less on our tail and two-less sets of bombs to harass the Empress.

We flew into the clouds. “I lost visual!” Wuhan called out. As I pulled out of the cloud, I almost combined with a certain  _ other  _ flying object. Correction, he was off to the left. Close enough that was I a bit late with one of my turns...anyways, he flew into the cloud and I caught a glimpse of Katara  _ pulling  _ the cloud into a waterskin.  _ What's she going to do, slice the aircraft apart? That still kills them. _ “Wuhan-” “I already know. Where’s  _ that  _ power? Why can't I do  _ that _ ?”  _ Hey you can bend metal. Don’t complain _ . The four survivors emerged behind us, not noticing the skybison or its passengers. 

I decided we should go  _ forward _ . Because that’s further away from the fleet. And because forward is not backwards and  _ we do not retreat! We are the Empire! _ Time felt still despite the high wind whipping at my face and making my queue fly like a pennant. “We need a painting of that!” Wuhan announced in one of his few turn-from-looking-backwards-turns. “What?” “You, hair flying in the breeze like a flag”.  _ Ha.  _ I chuckled. “Yes we do. Yes, we really do.” After a pause, Wuhan shouted “Can clouds fly at high speed?” and I looked around. “Where?” “Below us!” so I took my head and looked down and to the side. A cloud was there, slowly ascending towards us. “I should know! I had one  _ just like this _ shot down a year ago!” I screamed, happy to see this same cloud again. “Really?” I heard his amusement. “That’s right! A screaming young woman popped out and the tides became rough!” I heard Wuhan's thick Northern-accented laughing from here in the pilot's seat.

Then the cloud ascended and popped up behind the four aircraft. “If you pull up just a bit I can launch a bolt!” I heard Wuhan call out over the loud engine. “Got it!” and I pulled back.  _ Thunk thunk thunk _ . Something, somewhere, bellowed.  _ I really hope I didn’t just...oh nevermind _ . I couldn’t turn around, too much  _ nothing  _ in front of me, but that bison bellowed some more. I twisted left on the stick and the biplane followed my wish. Looking left -which was formerly behind us- and up -formerly to our rear-, I saw a water whip  _ freezing  _ the tail of one of these aircraft. “Hey! That’s not pacifism!” Wuhan yelled in amusement, pointing for good measure.

The other three scattered in all directions. And one of them  _ really  _ badly wanted to fly after us. I could either dive towards the sea or ascend or go forward. So I banked and almost fell out of the seat. The monoplane tried to bank after us but couldn’t manage the turn so went out  _ wide _ . I lost sight of him and decided to fly towards the sea.  _ If he wants to duel let’s duel on my terms _ . He returned to our right, crossing over us from above.  _ Thunk thunk thunk _ . After a few, “I think I missed!” the Captain commented. I kept going.  _ I'll get him next time. _

We got low enough that the air became nice and warm again. This one last dot persistently bobbed and weaved through the skies. The cloud-law defying cloud and friends were gone. Our fleet was gone. It was between us and this pilot. And Wuhan couldn’t keep launching bolts because we had a small supply of them. Maybe...eighteen? Twenty? Not enough to wildly get rid of at will and we'd already gotten rid of...most? A bunch?  _ Do I look like an inventory? _

I don’t remember how long we were flying. It felt like forever and it might as well have been. The sun scorched us and Wuhan kept reminding me “he’s still on our tail.” Except he wasn’t. He was like a predatory bird, flying high, high, above us, occasionally rocking his wings as if he needed to confirm our bright green aircraft was still doing it’s thing. I had to keep a tight hold on the control stick. The lightest tug or turn and we’re a ragdoll. As one can imagine, it became a battle of attrition. My desire to return in less than three pieces, the aircraft’s love of death and falling into pieces and the enemy pilot's desire to see us become nothing more than pieces while the Avatar wanted to bring about peace to the divided pieces of...pieces.  _ Because freezing his tail will certainly stop the crime in the entire Empire _ .

The engine was still loud, but it became more like a background noise. Wuhan’s shout overcame it with “Off to the right! Land!” I blinked a couple of times and looked off to the right.  _ Land?  _ Land. Some coast, somewhere in the Earth Empire. I had no idea where or which Magistrate owned it or if they worshiped the moon or not. And there was  _ more  _ land. A line of...coast. With never ending...flatness. “Over the land?” I asked Wuhan. I’m up for doing that  _ or  _ flying over water. “It could be the Yinchaun Islands!” Sure. It could be. Any land is better than no land. But if it's those islands, we're in the middle of Dongfang. If it's those islands, our best bet is to make for Bayan and the docks, since they  _ probably  _ have an airfield.  _ Right?  _ And if they don't, there's enough farmland that can improvise.

I banked right and pulled back on the stick. I don’t want to go for a short walk on the beach, so I pulled back even harder. The single aircraft kept the chase with one variaton. Now he was descending towards us. The Sun remained...the Sun, that is, static which would be a great direction finder except it was above us. The seas below us became crashing tides which then became sand-colored beaches. Which then became grasslands. We had to pull up even further due to the rolling hills ahead of us. Wuhan shouted “a town!” and that drew my attention. I looked off to the side and yes, a town. In fact, many signs of civilization. There was a town we were quite close to flying over. Then there were some villages further in the distance. Even more villages scattered amongst the lands. Lots of farmland and farmhouses along a semi-grid of farm plots divided and partitioned by farm roads. A single dot riding along one of these roads to someone’s isolated farmhouse. Those roads led to larger roads. Those large roads led to a  _ large  _ road, probably wide enough for a marching army. The  _ large  _ road had a full caravan riding towards the town. Elsewhere, two men rode along on ostrich horses. Farmers were tending to their crops. A woman was hanging clothes out to dry. A small group of soldiers were practicing just outside of a village we passed over. All the houses looked identical from above. We were like a bird. None of this helped us figure out our location, since much of the Empire -especially up here- is just farmland and towns. But, if nothing else, there were lots of villages. Each village had a thousand or more people in it. Some of those people were looking up at us. Wuhan reminded me “If we get close to the ground, they might think we’re the enemy!”

So we did. Farmland rolled along, sometimes breaking for groves of trees surrounding a river. Stone roads were carved like scars into a painting of yellows and greens. I looked ahead and...mountains. But to one side. They became foothills, spreading out like the roots of a tree, before becoming steppe country. I had absolutely no idea where we were.  _ Enough of this _ . “Wuhan!” “Yes?” “Get the clip loaded!” “Got it!” and for the last time that day, I pulled back. I went up, up and even more up. “He’s diving at us!” or so I heard.  _ Thunk thunk thunk _ . “I hit him!” from Wuhan. I turned around and looking back...the monoplane was missing one of its wings and falling towards the farmland. “We did it! We did it!” Wuhan cheered over the... _ where’s the engine noise?  _ I gazed ahead and...the propeller was coming to a stop.  _ Oh no. No. No. No.  _ It stopped.

“The propeller stopped!” I cried, now sounding much louder than earlier. “We’re out of fuel?” he asked. “We’re out of fuel!” I repeated.  _ We’re out of fuel _ . Now it was time to die, I guess. I could  _ not  _ turn the aircraft down. I’d descend too quickly and would stall. So I went forward. “Any aircraft bases? Please tell me there’s an airbase!” I both prayed and asked Wuhan. “Nope” he said, far too relaxed for what was happening. “However…” and his words trailed into mumbles. “Is that…?” but again he mumbled something. “What? Where?” and I scanned the yellows-and-greens for  _ something  _ light grey, paved, and demarcated. “Off to our right, a rail line.” I could barely take a hand off the control stick, but I managed to look to the right.  _ Right's harder than the left _ . More yellow-and-green. I followed the farms along until I found something different. It was hard to see from here, but the beige stone contrasted with the rest of the yellows, greens and sometimes trees. A monorail line, raised. “And rail lines lead to civilization!” I concluded, thanking Agni, or Kyoshi, or someone, or Toph, or myself, for Wuhan finding that.  _ Because who really needs the credit for this? The spirits, of course. Not Wuhan. _

I turned, carefully, slowly, to the right. Light taps on the stick.  _ Just massage the stick. Gently pull on it. Gently. Gently.  _ The monorail was like a physical embodiment of a border, raised above the lands around it by what must’ve been five stories. I leveled us out as we flew towards it. Not exactly towards it, but from a perspective that  _ eventually  _ we’d come alongside it. Since it was a straight line itself and if we descended we’d eventually reach it. Shortly later, Wuhan shouted so loudly that it made my ears ring. “Ahead! Your Majesty! Ahead!”

I looked ahead, picking my head off the sights of the crossbow. What looked like a... _ wall  _ crossed from left to right, blocking our sight from what would be behind it. Just in front of it was steppe. Barren steppe. The wall was small, but we got closer. And closer. As we sank, a few feet at a time, it kept growing. And growing. Then the features became prominent. The wall was uniform, save for small bumps every so often.  _ Towers _ . We closed in on the earth beneath us. “Brace for a soft landing!” and I gave a light tug to the stick. Steppe country makes for easy landing.  _ Assuming we don't land in a giant ditch _ . We came below the height of the monorail. The air warmed up.  _ Inhale. Exhale _ .  _ Gently! Gently! Gently!  _ And my wheels collided with the earth and the aircraft made a loud  _ bump _ as we  _ gently  _ landed.  _ Landed _ . It was bumpy, we both almost got tossed from our seats, but then it happened. The lack of a propeller and the rough terrain brought the aircraft slowed to a halt. 

“I hate flying” Wuhan remarked after getting out of his seat and the aircraft he was just flying in. A loud grinding sound made me jump out of my seat even  _ with  _ the sore legs. Looking up and to the right, above the tall stone pillars,  _ a  _ monorail was railing along on a single rail. I saw one of the figures at the back kicking up dust as he plowed the vehicle forward with kicks. Kicks like a swimmer, or maybe an ostrich horse.  _ Civilization at it's peak. _

Wuhan gave me a helping hand and I  _ may  _ have tripped over myself once he relegated me to just my two legs. I laid down, face in the topsoil of the steppe lands. I heard him walk over to me. “No, let me lie here. Feet. Limp.” And I lay there long enough that all the feeling returned to my feet. To any who know the feeling of losing feeling in their arms or legs, that is, when they become limp; then they understand the sensations that occur. That kind of skin-biting sensation that makes you  _ want  _ to scream but also know that it'll be over soon. And when it  _ is  _ over it feels like a dream. Wuhan once again helped me up,  _ thanks Wuhan _ , and we collected our nonexistent belongings.

There was a small comfort in not bringing anything along with me, save my scabbard and  _ jian _ . I’m dressed like I’m about to go to a bath and Wuhan’s ready to tank fifty crossbow bolts to the chest. “Let’s make for the monorail?” he said, catching his breath from a stone seat he had just pulled out of the ground “And what, wave-” I replied, inspired by Toph, sarcastically, and I waved at the tall object “-one down?” “We could try. Or we could walk over  _ there _ ” and he pointed at the massive, larger-than-life, Outer Wall of Ba Sing Se. Sitting there. And we’re standing here.  _ It's...it's right there.  _ “Or we could wave our hands about at the wall?” I offered. “Sure, you try that,” he said, sarcastic and tired. Can anyone guess what I did? 

“Hello Outer Wall! It is I!” and I jumped up and down attempting to attract as much attention as I could. I waved my hand back and forth in wide, striking motions. Like I was practicing athletics without the athletics and with the insanity. “Your Majesty, absolutely no offense meant to you or Her Imperial Majesty, but you’re acting like an idiot.”  _ Thanks not Suki _ . I took his advice and asked “you got a seat?” He crossed his arms, taking possession of his seat with “I do, and I’m using it.” Then he raised a palm and made another stone seat. “I’m going to sleep.” I remarked. Now that the wave of explosions and biplane-flying was done, I was  _ tired _ . “We don’t have any blankets sadly.” I told him, disappointed. “Have a good rest, Your Majesty. I might go for a rest, too.” and I lay down on the dirt and grass, a few individual stalksof grass stuffing themselves into the space behind my ears. I took a few breaths,  _ I hope to see you soon, Toph _ , and I closed my good eye.

_ Ow _ . Someone grabbed me by the leg with something that  _ hurt _ . I opened my usable eye and spotted…  _ a conical hat?  _ “Can you fools let go of me?” I involuntarily asked, thinking hard about grabbing my  _ jian _ . The monorail line was still there. The sun was still around us, judging by the brightly tinted ground and the still-more-vertical-than-horizontal shadows. But something was grinding really loudly nearby. An engine. I struggled to get up by whatever was really tightly grabbing my foot and didn't let go. I happened to face the sky then look backwards and look right down the barrel of a tank.  _ Wait. A. Moment.  _

This conical hat man blocked the sun for me, looked down, probably at the eyepatch, and was all “identify yourself!” while holding his rock glove at a close distance. I took my free hand and pointed at various parts of me, identifying them. “The eyepatch doesn’t give it away? The ornate robes? The auburn queue? Mumbling about the Earth Empress?” and  _ that  _ guy’s queue was grabbed by a different guy. “That’s His Imperial Majesty, the Earth Emperor, the Imperial Consort, the One-Eyed Badgermole, the-" he went on and on for a little while, "-you moron!” and the first agent got  _ whacked  _ in the face while a different agent bowed, released the tight grip on my leg, and helped me up.  _ Why bow first? _ Why not? Wuhan kicked his shackles off and got up, dusting himself off. 

“Where, who, and what?” I asked the bowed agent. Then I noticed another two agents standing ahead of me. A quick spin and there was a tank pointing at us.  _ Was.  _ It turned away since it didn't want to offend anyone. “Shannan Commandery, Your Majesty. I’m Agent Jiangnu and my colleague misidentified you.” “And who are all of you?” I asked looking around. “A detachment of agents assigned to the Laogai-Shannan North Gate.”  _ I...what? That a word? That mean something? To you it probably does. _ “And what is going to happen to that agent?" and I marched off, waving over Wuhan with a "Let's go!".

“That agent will be executed. Welcome to Ba Sing Se. Ten Thousand Years, Your Majesty!"

"Yes, yes, Ten Thousand Years to you, too" and I gave the good agent a pat on the back.

Welcome home then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Toph goes to a play by Pu-On Tim!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks (Or: Why does the late-19th century Qing Dynasty knockoff have biplanes?):  
> -There's a metal panel on the back of the junk that runs from the deck down to the waves. It's there for protection. Many Dai Li agents have learned to metalbend, and slide down metal walls just like they slide down stone ones. Wuhan can also metalbend, but prefers the old-fashioned platform technique.  
> -The Feicui gets it's name for two reasons. One, the Earth Kings loved their greens. Two, it's got a greenish tint to it's waters.   
> -Wuhan and Mori don't use formal titles while flying. No need. Not enough time.  
> -Mori, hair flying like a flag, is probably a painting somewhere.   
> -I have no idea what the monoplane raiders thought they'd do in terms of attacking an aircraft. Some of them might have crossbows in their pilot's seats but they aren't attached to anything and trying to launch a crossbow bolt while flying an aircraft is probably not the best of ideas.   
> -Mori's flight path took him northeast, landing in the steppe country to the southeast of Ba Sing Se, specifically just southeast of Lake Laogai. Shannan, a half-farming half-steppe commandery, is the southern side of the border. Laogai, after Lake Laogai and the surrounding rural lands, is the Agrarian Zone province on the northern side of the border. The 'North' Gate is because the 'South' Gate is to the southwest along the wall. Since there's only two Laogai-Shannan border crossings, the northeastern one is called 'North' and the southwestern one is called 'South.' The Ba Sing Se commandery always comes before the non-Ba Sing Se commandery. Likewise, higher Rings take precedence over lower Rings.
> 
> Appendix on zooming through the skies:  
> -Mori spent lots of time in 'Records' learning to and practicing flying. As demonstrated here, he's not performing any insane feats of aerobatics. Sure, he sounds dramatic with 'pulling the stick into my chest' but all he's doing is pulling back on the stick. Most of the time, quite softly.   
> -The crossbows mark the first non-bending technology/machinery added to an aerial object that allows for shooting down other aerial objects. This marks the beginning of aerial warfare. That is, air-v-air. Why crossbows and not machine guns? Well machine guns don't exist yet, that's one good reason. Or bad reason.  
> -Why have biplanes at all? The Mechanist lived in the Northern Air Temple and invented gliders. There's lots of Air Nomad 'technology', or rather relics, that rely on airbending to be used (see 'Relics', the 'Lost Adventures' comic). I took this one step further and concluded that they probably invented tools -toys for children- like gyroscopes. In history, gliders were invented fifty years before biplanes. Unlike history, Avatar has an entire culture around aerodynamics, so I imagine all it takes is a little bit of engine power (like the tundra tanks) and a boat load of cash (like Toph investing in it because she loves engines and machinery and technological progress) and boom! Aircraft. They might not get more advanced, since this is still the backwards not-Qing Dynasty with backwards bureaucracy. But they'll get somewhere. If that wasn't convoluted enough, don't worry! There will be more of that in the future!


	23. Dong Gets the Shaft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of four chapters that demonstrate Toph's preferences for plays, parties and milling about with the peasants over rulership.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -These chapters originally didn't exist. But then I remembered that I had lots of things setup in Chapters 67-85 (Or, 1-20) that I wanted to pay off early on, on. I had headcanoned these stories and never put them to paper, so here they are!

Chapter Eighty-Seven:

“I don’t need some fancy carriage. Who do you take me for, Sugar Queen?” the Empress stated before storming past myself, some old man who looked like he knew a thing or two, and the whole  _ army  _ of Imperial Guards that were standing around -and by standing I mean following, we definitely don’t pay them to  _ stand _ around- us. The elderly man who I believe was the Minister responsible for transportation,  _ coincidentally enough, his name is the Minister of Coachs or something like that, not the Minister of Transportation or Minister of Imperial Transportation or Minister of Carriages, because it ain’t the Empire if things aren’t confusing enough _ , could only beg. And beg. And get on his knees and bop the ground with his head. He kept bopping the ground while Her Imperial Majesty and her expensive - _ note, it’s one of the cheapest things in the whole Palace _ \- wrestler attire that she  _ still  _ doesn’t believe in washing, marched off. And he kept bopping the ground. I was supposed to chase after the young woman but I found it more amazing to watch this man begging to suggest that we should use some kind of massive procession instead of some legs. “You might want to stop bludgeoning your head against those paving stones” I commented, looking down at the man whose back was probably about to break from all the bopping. “Your...Your Majesty,  _ please _ ” and he even added some hands-raised-in-begging. “Save yourself the effort.” and I stuck my hands in my Imperial Informal Robe sleeves and slowly paced after the woman who ran at exactly her preferred pace. 

If it was  _ my  _ choice, we wouldn’t be going to a play right now. We’d be...well there’s  _ so much  _ to do in the, as the Dai Li sign says when I entered the city the other day, “Here we do not sleep, here we can work.” Or maybe all the biplane-crashing-into-steppe country was hurting my head. That and a lack of whiskey...killer combination. Speaking of bad ideas, I asked the woman who slept on my chest ‘can we please go to Court, we’ve got so much to catch-up on?’ but my plea was futile. Maybe I’m weak at heart, maybe it’s just more fun to lay in bed all day, maybe as the Empress said, ‘I earned this’, using ‘I’ and not ‘we’ because I’m a pillow and last time I checked, pillows lack sentient capabilities. She’s also right, of course. And not just because she’s the Empress, but yes, we spent...a majority of a season, probably two, maybe even three, in places that are not the Imperial Palace and lack the amenities of the Imperial Palace. And for all the young woman who is averse to all things related to cities is averse to all things cities, she’s not an idiot. If you’ve  _ got  _ the ability to sleep all day in a giant golden house, why not? Well as I said to her then, ‘We’re not the Imperial Lounging Around Brigade, we’re the people responsible for-’ but was cut off by a palm that previously was happily holding some of my undone hair and now was angrily trying to shush me, ‘stop saying things and just  _ sleep _ ’. So I gave in to my more sensible urges and just went to sleep. Didn’t stop my less-sensible ones from going ‘According to the Avatar, the world leader runs the entire country and since the Avatar said so, you run the country’. Then my less-sensible senses were reminded that I’m not a person, I’m just a pillow. 

The denizens of our home,  _ our  _ home, since I’m from ice-tree-island and she’s from the land of Flying Boars and corrupt officials, kowtowed and cheered us on as we embarked in the Imperial Carriage,  _ the monorail one _ , and departed southwards towards...a theater. Since we were going to a play. And theaters tend to be where plays are held. They cheered with fists punching the air and lots of chants of “Ten Thousand Years!” and all kinds of other entertaining remarks. And I was  _ too not-tired  _ to remark ‘Yes, yes, Ten Thousand Years, can you please stop screaming?’ but that doesn’t stop the private army of people who regard my auburn queue as some kind of holy object regarding my auburn queue as a kind of holy object.  _ It’s not an object, it’s some hair _ . There were also chants to our health, most of those being about how great it is that I did, in fact, survive the fight with the rotund, bloated, short, tyrannical, bloated, bloated again, man and his giant spear-sized blade. I recall looking at Toph during all this and her ignoring me because  _ you idiot she’s blind _ , to which I went “Your Majesty, isn’t it curious that-” but was immediately cut off by “Yes, it’s so  _ amazing  _ that you stabbed that short man. I know. I’m surprised there hasn’t been ten different plays made about it yet.” Then I reminded her “But we’re  _ going  _ to see one of those plays” and I held up the poster to her face. She turned her head as if to address the poster and go “You  _ sound  _ really into it” before waving her hand in front of her face.  _ Right, right, of course. You’re blind.  _ I would’ve begged an apology, but she was too satisfied listening to the sound of my palm hitting my face, “Now  _ that  _ sounds like something you’re into, Kyoshi.”  _ Because I am into it. I’m it.  _

I can’t deny the enjoyment I get, the starry-eyed amazement that I had when I first arrived at Ba Sing Se not-so-long ago, when we raced across the city by monorail. Looking out, and yes, this is one of the great things about having  _ an  _ eye, if not two, no matter how far I looked, entire commanderies filled with just urban construction. Yes, there were and are some parks. Yes, the Upper Ring is almost as rural as the Agrarian Zone. Yes, the Agrarian Zone gets its name because it's agrarian and not urban. But  _ all of this _ is contained within walls of such magnificent legendary respite that the more intelligent of the Lower Ring think they were built by the Spirits themselves. And the speed with which we passed by streets, neighborhoods….districts. Blink, or in my case, wink, and you’ll miss a thousand people’s homes and that’s just within the nearest thousand feet. It’s quite hard to even stop,  _ incase that wasn’t obvious _ , and pay attention to, let’s say, the average cart-selling cart man and his quest to sell produce. Or spears. Because our ‘weapons allowed’ policy from before our Caldera Campaign the Second: We’ll Win This Time, get this, allowed weapons. So everyone worth a silver took to selling spears, daggers and  _ dao  _ for, get this, a silver. I don’t think a silver is the right price for a spear that breaks after one stab, but I’m also not running the Middle Ring... _ wait, no I might be...no I’m tangentially running it _ . What I meant to say is ‘it’s not my problem’ because that’s the Empire’s way of resolving problems. I don’t run the businesses of the Middle Ring and their highwayman-priced spears,  _ buy one, get one _ , and I’m definitely not aware of any corruption related to who runs such businesses. Nope. I’m just a pillow. It’s not one of the things I would wish to resolve at Court. Nope. 

Our train carriage came to a halt at a station, we thanked the men who are sworn to follow Toph’s every command for following every command, and Her Imperial Majesty even dismissed them to go ‘get a few whiskies, or something’ because that’s what elite processions do best. Get hammered. Joined by Captain Wuhan, Suki opted to request a ‘day off’ to go out and enjoy the city that makes other cities and countries cry when compared to it, with her boyfriend and shirt-losing companion, the Prince of the South. Now, we were  _ supposed  _ to meet the Fire Lord here,  _ no, not at this theater, _ but he was caught up with, as he wrote in a letter, ‘a little bit of an insurrection’. I have to wonder if his similar lack of a usable eye - _ well his eye exists I just don’t think he can see anything through all the angst _ \- means his writing is similar to the point. Nobody uses ‘a little bit of an insurrection’. Because that implies that there is an insurrection. And that in turn implies that there’s instability. Which doesn’t look good. No, no, the Empire’s technique is to blame it on some ethnic group that we may or may not be friends with but we’ve had enough of their different beliefs and now it’s the right time to use them as the answer to all our problems. Also, you can’t just set your problems on fire. But you  _ can  _ set ethnic groups on fire. Just remember to bring some tinder and lots of fodder and you’re good to go. 

The theater we arrived at was just as peculiar as a cactus-juice ridden Empress doing cactus-juice things. For one thing, I don’t know which genius decided that a  _ giant statue  _ of a man kissing his muscles was necessary to anything. For a second, why is he shirtless?  _ Why?  _ For a third, why does he wield a  _ jian _ ? For a fourth, why does he have. So. Many. Jewels. Stuck. Into. His. Pants? I know people like green, but this is a  _ bit  _ maddening. So Toph and her Imperial Guard bodyguards walked  _ past  _ the statue and into the theater while I stopped to look at the really large sign. “Built to commemorate the greatest man ever, according to the greatest man, ever. Also built on an Air Nomad shrine. With love, the Lower Ring.”  _ Built on an Air Nomad shrine? What?  _ I turned to the random passerby who was mouth-dropped because  _ ‘yes, really, the Emperor’s standing here gazing at a huge statue of a man kissing his own muscles’ _ and asked “Why was there an Air Nomad shrine here?” He, as expected, shrugged. “Thank you.” “Ten Thousand Years!”  _ Yes, yes, uneducated peasant. Thank you for your wonderful contribution _ . Because the Spirits hate me, or love me, all I had to do was turn the corner to the  _ other  _ side of this massive statue to see the other part of this sign. “Built by the people, for the people’s use. ‘A pacifist can’t win wars, but a theater can make people laugh.’” That quote was attributed to an anonymous source. And because names belong in places that nobody looks at, this was the “Prince Chong-Shan Theater!” with exclamatory punctuation because... _ I’m sorry, what?  _ I was as confused as the peasant, but unlike the peasant I had a job to go... _ well he has a job to go do as well, he’s not a Nomad _ … correction, the Empress demanded I be dragged after her and I was dragged after her by the helping arms of this large man and his large hands.  _ Yes, thank you Captain Wuhan, what would I do without you? Except be dragged along like a child.  _

We walked up a couple flights of stairs before coming upon a balcony that was in the process of being prepared. The Empress was content with pulling some stone out of the ground to relax on while...well all I can describe it as was how I described it as when I came upon it, “A bunch of buffoons playing catch the couch!” The men in question were workers at the Chong,  _ not another Chong, we’ve had one too many _ , and were not exactly the brightest of men. They were all ‘should the couch be here or here’ because when Toph first got here she pointed at a random piece of floor as where she wanted to sit and the workers were befuddled as to where ‘here’ was. The Imperial Guards? Toph commanded them to just stand around. Me? “Go solve this before I get bored.”  _ On it.  _ “Did Her Imperial Majesty mean ‘here’ for the left back post or the left front post, Your Majesty?” the man carrying the cushioned seat asked me while I loomed over him. He was serious. “Who cares?” I asked him, unaware of the intensity of importance that this couch placement possesses. “Because if it’s the back post, then we would need to move exactly one half of a Consort’s Foot forward-” I cut his whimpering-and-yet-determined voice off to go “Can you just place the couch down?” and he looked at me like I spoke a completely different dialect. “But...but...when Her Imperial Majesty said-” “She said  _ here _ ” and I pointed my hands at the space just in front of my feet. “I recall Her Imperial Majesty pointing at  _ here,  _ Your Majesty!” the other worker stated from over  _ there  _ while using his left foot to gesture to some unknown position on this stone flooring. I turned around, as if looking at Toph would resolve something. “Can I give the order?” “Go ahead” the ear-picking woman replied, picking her ear. I had to pace around this couch while these two idiots argued like Magistrates over where to place this couch. “I want the left post there-” I pointed at the left worker’s right foot, “And I want the right post there-” and I pointed at the other end of the couch. “But...Your Majesty-” “Just  _ do it _ ” and I grabbed one end of the couch and dropped it where it sat. The man’s cries of confusion were cut off by me going “It’s not like Her Imperial Majesty is going to  _ look  _ at anything” as I gestured for the other man to also put the couch down. “Kyoshi’s right” the Empress said between ear picks. “How is Your Majesty so strong?” the worker who I replaced asked from a kowtow. “Because he’s Kyoshi. He trains by carrying me around on his back.” I didn’t know whether to slap my face or not. So I just nodded. The two workers kowtowed, giving us their well wishes of “Ten Thousand Years!” which almost always gets a grin from Toph. Then she got up and walked over to me, asking “Did you work hard on carrying that couch?”  _ No? It wasn’t that hard. It’s just a couch _ . “No, Your Majesty.” So she whacked me in one shoulder. As I went to rub that one,  _ ow, you’ve got strong hands _ , she walked around me and punched me in the other. “Now you’ve got your workout. Later, I’d like a ride” and she raised her leg over the back of the couch and brought herself over by climbing that way. Instead of walking all of two feet, making a left, and sitting down. I tried to walk around, only for her to tap the ground and raise a wall. “No walking.  _ Climb _ .” the Empress demanded. “But Your Majesty...I...you know, men...it’s not the most comfortable to-” “Just get it done, Kyoshi.” She was right for the wrong reasons. I’m  _ tall _ . It was quite easy to swing over the back of this head-and-backrest. As I landed, she grabbed one of my arms and tugged me so that I fell face-first into a cushion that sat on her lap.  _ Ow.  _ “Why?” was all I could ask. “Because I could, Kyoshi. Because I could.” I remembered that I could use two more words to produce a sentence. “No really,  _ why _ ?” “Testing my seismic sense. Your right foot was still connected to the earth.”  _ Ah. Yes. That’s why I went ‘ow.’ You made me fall over at such an angle that my leg was upended. Ow indeed _ . I got my face  _ out  _ of the cushion and sat down next to Toph so the two of us could share the same snacks. She also moved over to sit even closer to me since...I guess she had the same idea. The Imperial Guards that accompanied us inside took to standing by the entrances and alternating since, by Toph’s Imperial Edict codified words, “Everyone’s got the right to watch!”. This made the Imperial Guard, who, unlike a certain group of conical hats,  _ can  _ showcase emotion, smile. The Captain was the only one who insisted on watching the doorway for us and we couldn’t say no. Didn’t stop Jie from telling his twin brother to go ‘watch the door while I watch this’ and proceed to pull a stone seat out to the left of the couch and watch the stage. Our ever-loyal and wonderful Ming travelled all the way from the Palace -she could’ve gone to sleep but she wanted to follow us to the play instead- asked “What can I get Your Majesties?” to which Toph nicely said “Whatever you like. I’m thinking of dessert” and she rubbed her stomach like someone hungry for...well I’d say food but dessert is barely food. Not long after Ming left, a roly-poly man dressed in orange emerged onto the state straight ahead and below of us.  _ Of note: We were in a balcony on the right side of the theater, but the balcony pointed at the large stage as balconies tend to do.  _ The stage must’ve been a hundred Consort’s feet wide.  _ So we saw, well that’s not the right word, so I got to ‘see’ everything with a bit of a perspective change. Not that it mattered. Why am I getting into details about this? I don’t know, either _ .

We weren’t the only people in attendance at the...Chong. As it was the evening and most people had gotten off work, they chose to go watch a performance of a play instead of spend time with their families. The roly-poly playwright was, aside from being Pu-On Tim, a man who really embodies the kind of artistic insanity that cactus-juice can provide. And aside from that, he had plays running every night, different showings, different performances, different casts, different times. Maybe he felt obligated to show up for this performance -the two Imperials are in attendance and it would be a stain,  _ yes, because the product of the plays he writes are works of art, right? _ , if he didn’t introduce his own plays. Maybe he’s just an eccentric fruit-pie who is really proud of his work. I don’t know. The theater sold out and we bought the people out who  _ were  _ going to sit here and reimbursed them of their losses. Toph didn’t have to, but as she said when she first demanded to go attend a play, ‘it’s the right thing to do.’ Because...yes...some of these plays, the fancier seats, they require invitations of some kind. And the Empire’s got a wonderful bureaucratic system that lets you track down someone’s invitation directly to their house. That, and the Imperial Guard showed up before we did and bought the two previous occupants out before doing a security sweep and clearing the way for us to arrive.  _ Ha. Imperial bureaucracy working. Ha.  _ Just something else I could deal with if I was  _ at Court _ but I wasn’t. I was sitting next to the Empress while she waited. And listened. 

“Lower Ringers!” the rotund man said to rousing applause. “We’ve got a special showing tonight! Her and His Imperial Majesty are in the house!” and he pointed up at us. Since we were pretty close to the railing, I could look from where I sat and saw the audience look up at us.  _ Yes, like all the Imperial Guards just showed up for fun. Are you all blind? No?  _ Some kowtowed. Some yelled well-wishes to us. Some just cheered. I’m sure one or two or ten of them fainted. After he was done gazing up at us with joy in his eyes, he looked back at the populous and got to announcing. “Presenting, ‘The Liberation of Xinyang!’” and he took both his hands and gestured backwards at the curtains. He then backpedaled himself off the stage while the curtains drew. 

The stage opened to a village, or maybe a town, who cares, that was ‘on fire’. It wasn’t actually a village, that’d be hard to put on a stage. It was a background painting of a village that was probably used for all kinds of different shows.  _ On  _ the stage, though, was what looked like a crashed cart and people who were lying down on the ground wearing all kinds of reddish makeup. “They’re doing a terrible job of being dead” the Empress commented, quietly.  _ Yes. Because...they’re not dead _ . I thought  _ that  _ then it hit me that “your seismic sense’s pretty good” “Yeah, ‘cause I’m me” and she smirked. Meanwhile, one villager, a woman with her hair all messy and her clothing torn, came ‘stumbling’ like a man with a bad case of the ‘I’m going to pretend to have a limp so I don’t have to go to the dojo to train today’,  _ don’t ask where I know that from, I just do _ . From the left side of the stage, two characters came out surrounded by men wearing greave-for-greave identical clothes to the Imperial Guards.  _ Wow, your production value’s getting pretty good _ . The two characters? Not as good. I don’t know who lit my hair on fire, but it was somehow even more auburn and even more like the sunrise than my actual hair. If Suki was here, she’d make a quip about it. But she wasn’t, so she couldn’t. And  _ spirits _ , I’m  _ tall _ . And… “Kyoshi, since when did you grow muscles on top of muscles? That’s quite  _ sweet _ ” “I’m being played by a twenty-five year old”. And then she squeezed my  _ actual  _ arm muscle and I yelped because  _ that hurts _ . “I’d say you’re almost there. Give or take a few years” she commented, still not done squeezing the arm. When she  _ was  _ done and I  _ was  _ done wincing, I could slap myself in the face. And as for Toph’s character? This person was  _ also  _ short, and had lots of hair tied up in a  _ hey, whoever your hairdresser is, he and I are going to have words _ ...well it was a bun but it wasn’t the best of buns.  _ Bread. The best of buns.  _ And this woman happened to have all of Toph’s features, except, again, unlike the real person, was absolutely  _ ripped _ .  _ Why? How? Oh who cares.  _ These two people were adorned with the clothes that I’m sure Toph and I, respectively, think the opposite would wear. I,  _ that’s not I, I’m I, that’s Hayashi _ , was wearing really fancy ornate Imperial Springtime Robes and had a golden scabbard,  _ because why wouldn’t I _ , and Toph was dressed...like Toph. Wrestler outfit, hair with that two-puffballs bracelet hair bracelet,  _ no really, as opposed to an arm bracelet? _ . Truly, these characters were exactly what we thought the other would like to wear. 

“Your Majesties! Thank the Spirits you’ve arrived! Our village was desolated by a... _ daofei _ !” and then the woman fell over and face-planted the carpet that was disguised as ground but was clearly a different shade of black-brown than the brown floor. “Which  _ daofei _ ?” the gentle-voiced actress who was pretending to be the Empress asked. But the  _ other  _ woman slumped in the Actress’s arms and the crowd was all ‘gasp’. The Empress physically turned her head towards me and raised her hands in an accusatory tone. “I’m sorry, but you’re telling me this woman lasted long enough to tell you that her village was destroyed but not long enough to tell you by whom?” “I’m not the playwright, Your Majesty.” “Well go write some plays. This is awful.” and she took to receiving the bowl of confections that Ming had brought for us. “We’re a single line of dialogue in-” I tried to plead, only for her and her mouthful of food to go “That line was bad.”  _ We’re only one line in. This will take a long time _ . 

The two not-Imperials took to mourning this fallen woman. Now, I don’t know who this woman is, or why, because when you don’t give any worldbuilding, what’s the investment? The worldbuilding came not a moment later. “Your Majesties! Welcome to Yahazhen!” a woman who was strangely endowed for being supposedly...what, mid-forties, called out to us while almost trampling the ‘dead’ woman. She then kowtowed while two stagehands dragged the dead woman off the stage and replaced the background prop with an identical one of a perfectly fine village. Hayashi, as emotive as someone on cactus-juice, was all “Who’s the  _ daofei  _ you speak of?” and the...I’m guessing she’s supposed to be Mo-Song but isn’t Mo-Song,  _ wrong hair color, and why are you wearing sleep robes? _ , responded with “He’s a rumored  _ Daofei  _ Lord. He’s been harassing the Southlands for years.”  _ I’m sorry, if he’s rumored, how do you know he’s harassing the Southlands. Do myths attack people? And since when is Yahazhen the Southlands. Since when did the writers have any brains? Maybe I should turn mine off.  _ I took to indulging some of these desserts. They tasted just like the ones from back on Kyoshi Island. “We’re happy to help, as long as  _ I  _ get to break some skulls” and Actress Empress pointed at herself with her thumbs. The real Empress punched the air because “Well they certainly nailed me.”  _ I mean...yes?  _ “I don’t think we cared about the Southlands, Your Majesty. I’m pretty certain we were only involved because we wanted to go south and you didn’t want to take a boat and as-” I took a palm stained with sticky dessert products to the face. “Be quiet and let me  _ listen _ . And you can use normal names here,  _ Kyoshi _ .” “Fine,  _ Toph _ .” “ _ Good _ .” 

“So this man has been attacking the Southlands. And we love the Southlands! Of course we’ll go along”  _ listen, Pu-On Tim, I know you think I’m amusing. I think I’m amusing. But since when do I talk like that or emote with my fists constantly waving around like an inebriated...me?  _ The actress and the actor took to walking off this village ground, and by ‘off’, I mean the background slid away, revealing the interior of some kind of room. The room was too large to be a town center hall and too small to be the Imperial Palace, and stagehands, or maybe they were extras hired to be servants, acted like  _ real  _ servants and carried out a bunch of seats and some tables. From the other side of this room, correction, the other stage-entrance, marched out a gaggle of strange people who I could not recognize. Which is probably why Lady Mo-Song’s drunken body double bowed,  _ I’m sorry, bowed? _ , to the two not-Imperials,  _ eh, you’re Royals now _ , and announced the gaggle of people with the most stilted dialogue since...well the last play that we’ve attended. “So this guy’s Jia” and some guy bowed. “This is Hung” and the man dressed like he owned a shop, a fancy shop, meaning he could wear nice gold-trimmed clothes, bowed. “This is Long” and... _ why are you bald _ ?, a man dressed like the other men but for some reason his robes had a red-beaked ostrich horse beak on them,  _ wait, you’re Long, I remember you _ . “And this is Lee-Min!” she said the last one with lots of giddiness before the man who entered turned to the crowd,  _ way to break any immersion I had,  _ and blew kisses to the audience.  _ I’m sorry, what?  _

“Blah blah blah. Politics. Blah blah blah. A map”. That was the words of this  _ other  _ man who entered while Mo-Song was giving her introduction to the audience. He then pointed at a map. And the room nodded. Except the Empress’s actress. She blindly stared into nothingness. Much like the real one. “Blah blah blah, marching?” one of these bobbing heads with names that meant little to me, and less to the audience, said. “Blah blah blah, marching!” the man with the red-beaked robes said, slamming his fist down on the table.  _ Well this is accurate. We definitely don’t speak, we just said the word ‘blah’ _ . “Right, Toph?” and I forgot that I said that out loud. “Sure” she replied, sarcastically confused. The Emperor seemed to be the only person who could speak. “I say we march on Zaofu and liberate it from the  _ daofei  _ lord who may or may not be a myth!” and he drew his wooden  _ jian _ , no, that was  _ not  _ a euphemism...yet...and stabbed some air with it. “Yes!” the rest of these bumbling morons declared. And Actress Toph...well she did oogie things to him. Because... _ this is a Pu-On Tim play.  _ “Ming!” I called for the personal attendant. “Yes, Your Majesty?” she replied before walking over to me and kneeling by my side. “Get me a whiskey. Please.” she looked at the stage and at the not-Empress kissing the not-Emperor, then back at me and my good eye, nodded, and scurried off as fast as her legs could legally take her. 

While I watched the personal attendant leave, the scene changed. Now they were out in the open, well, pretending to be in the open, we’re in an open-air,  _ that is open, you whiskey-deprived genius _ , theater. A prop-tent was brought out... _ oh no I know exactly where this is going _ ...and the two Royals took to sitting ‘inside’ it. While they sat, whispering romantic nonsense to one another, or that’s what I assume they were doing, I was busy praying for the Spirits to bonk me on the head with a whiskey flask, a ‘fight’ broke out. A ‘fight’. Two of those bobbleheads were...wrestling? Having a slap-off. A slap-off. They were also yelling incoherent gibberish that would sometimes become words like “It’s your fault!” or “No, you!” followed by even more slapping. Now, as a person who has been slapped, slapping doesn’t sound like that. But they also weren’t actually striking one another. Someone just off-stage was banging cymbals together. Nonetheless, just as the two Royals were  _ about  _ to do things with their hands, the Spirits of convenience intervene and forced the Actress Empress to remember that she had ears. “What’s that?” the actress shouted in... _ anger?  _ “I think that might be...two magistrates bickering!” the not-Emperor declared.  _ What...by what right do you have to even know that’s possible?  _ He was also staring  _ through  _ the prop tent, which...granted, I’ve looked at walls too, but I don’t think I’m that thick. “Toph, am I that thick?” I shouldn’t have asked that question. The giggling that ensued made me quite confused. “Why are you giggling?” I asked. “You’re quite thick,” she replied.  _ I mean...at least the character’s accurate to me _ .  _ In that regard _ .  _ Not on the hair-always-on-fire part _ . 

The two not-Magistrates stopped slapping each other to then decide to rise and kowtow to the two Royals. Except one of them slipped. And that was  _ not  _ a fake slip. His boots, or the floor, was slippery.  _ What, did you just visit the renovated, janitor-sweeped, Royal Caldera Palace? Or did you visit the Imperial Palace after it got a spring cleaning...with fire?  _ Eitherway, the man who slipped got back up, only to kowtow again. “Forgive us, Your Majesties! It’s  _ his  _ fault!” the slipped-man said. The not-slipped man pointed at the slipped man and said “No, Your Majesties, it’s  _ his  _ fault!”. Then Ming returned carrying a tray with a couple bottles of liquid refreshment. “We got one knockoff Clear Whiskey, two knockoff Fire Whiskies, and a special blend made by the Chong theater, named after the man himself.” I grabbed the whole tray and placed it on the ground to my side. Then I grabbed the bottle with some strange man’s portrait on it, “What’s in ‘the Chong?’” “It’s made from a blend of ingredients found in the Si Wong-” I cut her  _ right  _ off.  _ “No.  _ That’s cactus juice. Isn’t it?” She grabbed the drink, examined it’s contents, opened it, sniffed it, then handed it to me. “Um...maybe?” Toph was too busy being caught up in the nonsense of her actress beating up someone on stage to listen to all this. “I want that as far from…  _ her _ ...as possible.” “Yes...Your Majesty” but before Ming could swipe it, Toph inhaled the scent of her  _ favorite  _ drink and went “Is that cactus juice?” “No. It’s not” and I took the bottle and  _ smashed  _ it on the floor. Toph groaned in despair. But just as quickly, she broke into laughter. 

“What do you mean? I’m the Empress, I have  _ needs _ !” the woman on the stage announced really loudly.  _ Okay whiskey. Prepare to meet your destruction.  _ I guzzled the whole bottle down in one go. No problem.  _ I missed you, oh pleasurable refreshment _ . “Yes, I have  _ needs _ !” the same woman yelled at...I don’t know who, I was watching Ming break into laughter. Or try not to. “Ming... _ please  _ don’t tell me she’s directing that at...well a pretend actor version of me based on the secondhand accounts of people who watch us conduct our business…” “It is, Your Majesty” she returned the question, then covered her mouth to laugh into it. Laugh like someone who was dying from choking on food.  _ Do not look. Save your good eye. Do not. It’s not worth it _ . So I spun around, well metaphorically, my head can  _ turn _ , and looked at the Empress and  _ her  _ lack of composure. “Toph...please tell me how inaccurate that is so I can have Pu-On Tim tried for-” “It’s perfectly accurate.”  _ Oh. Well…  _ “If you say so. Mind if I get hammered?” “Sure, go ahead.”  _ I will.  _

The on-stage woman was done chastising the two not-Magistrates for being as terrible at their jobs as the real ones. Then she dragged the not-Emperor back to the not-a-tent to then sit down and discuss things with him. The two spoke about fighting  _ daofei  _ and going on campaign and all that, then the not-a-Empress laid her hand on the not-a-Emperor’s cheek and stated “You’ll lead the  _ daofei,  _ won’t you?” and the not-a-Emperor blushed and turned to his not-a-Empress and yelled far too loudly for a confined space, “Of course I will, Your Majesty!” Then she kissed him on his cheek and grabbed him and held him tightly so he couldn’t faint. Well, his face wasn’t one of ‘I’d like to go faint’, it was something that... _ ahh, another whiskey...makes everything so much better _ … Nonetheless, she  _ pulled  _ his extravagant robes off so he was just lying there with pants on and took to lying down on top of him. She then...did things with her mouth and his chest and kiss-related and  _ there’s not enough whiskey in all Three Nations and One Guy, is there?  _ “How are you enjoying this, Toph?” “It’s really true-to-life! I can’t wait for the fight!” and she tossed another handful of food into her mouth. As absolutely maddening as this sounds to myself, I was  _ happy  _ that she was so...elated to… ‘witness’ this. I mean sure, I would probably need  _ more  _ liquids to prevent fainting...but it’s quite great that Toph gets to have some fun. It really is.  _ Now, where’s my whiskey?  _

The scene changed, or rather the background did, revealing that the two Royals were in a tent with a bright morning backdrop of some really tall mountains. The Captain spoke out from... _ wait I thought you were standing by the door, oh, maybe you sometimes glance back our way, whatever _ , “Your Majesties, I hate to interrupt this... _ art _ ...but as I recall those aren’t the Zaofu Mountains”. I wasn’t going to turn around and look at him,  _ this is far too fascinating to watch _ , “Why do you remember such things, Captain?” “They’re not that sharp. The mountains where I’m from  _ are  _ quite sharp, however.” “Are you just...a walking encyclopedia of mountains?” “Yes, Your Majesty. When you live somewhere with giant mountains to your south and no Sun for half the year, you kinda take note of the little things.” “How are mountains ‘little things’?” the Empress jutted in, yawning from the lack of on-stage oogies, clearly. I opted to add something to that. “And  _ what _ , no Sun for half the year?” He probably nodded, then said “Yeah. Stuff’s kinda crazy once you get that far north.”  _ Wow.  _ “Sounds fascinating” I thought to say, hoping to earn some free exposition. “It really isn’t. There’s a  _ reason  _ I went south and was like ‘nah, I’m not going back north again’. Having a Sun’s a great treasure to prize. Keeps the bad people away and all that.” “Bad people? Are you a child?” “I mean, icicle-based evil spirits imbued into people aren’t  _ good  _ people are they?” “When you phrase it like that...no.” “The Sun’s their weakness. They’re like a bunch of…” I finished his sentence for him. “Ice people?” I turned around to encounter a man who brought his lips together to form a casual nod.  _ That didn’t even make sense. _ “Pretty much. Also got really  _ really  _ strong throwing arms.”  _ Strong throwing arms? You need one to throw an icicle at _ \- but my thoughts were cut off by Toph’s retort of “Not as strong as Kyoshi’s-” which itself was then cut off by me trying to censor words for my ears’ sakes. “Where were we?” “Here” the young woman chewing on desserts cupped in her palm said. 

While we were distracted by discussing tall mountains and ice-people, the stage changed again to have a  _ different  _ background with rounded-snow-capped mountains. From the left side of the stage, a man who wasn’t me emerged in clothing that wasn’t mine. On the right side of the stage, a ‘palisade’ wall prop. On the top of that prop, a rotund, bloated, tyrannical, bloated, short, man, carrying a  _ giant  _ blade-on-a-stick. He had a quail-pheasant feather protruding from an oversized helmet of his and pretend-armor that was, itself, quite wide. As for the blade-on-a-stick, it looked like a  _ jian  _ strapped to a spear except the  _ jian  _ was thrice as long as a normal  _ jian  _ and the spear was one-third it’s normal size. And the  _ jian  _ was clearly wood but painted to be silver in hue. Exiting through the palisade wall prop was a man with a Fire Navy Captain’s armor, or, a pretend-prop version of it. Some action-ey dialogue was exchanged, I was busy eating some snacks, and the man on the left charged the man on the right. The man on the right and his two fake  _ dao  _ ‘stabbed’ the man on the left. The crowd gasped in shock. “Here’s where you come in, Kyoshi!” Toph, because she’s Toph and also because she’s right, was right. 

Accompanied by crashing gongs, Hayashi emerged wearing lavish blue-and-gold Imperial Armor. Even fancier than the real clothes. His helmet had a much longer plume, so long it was not a plume it was a bluish-green tassel that fell upon the rear of his helmet much like a Dai Li agent’s conical hat. And he carried a bow and a quiver of  _ an  _ arrow. One. Arrow. “Why does he only have one arrow?” I asked nobody in particular. The Empress raised a sticky, smells-like-sugar, hand to ‘shh’ me. Then she went “Shh!”.  _ Fine _ . He also had that golden scabbard with the  _ jian  _ hilt sticking out of it. He turned around to face the way he came and yelled “For my Empress! For my Empire!” and some off-screen band of extras chanted “Ten Thousand Years!”. The Fire Navy man swung his blades around in a circle to show off his awesome spinning skills. Clearly, he’s an expert duelist. He then charged Hayashi. Hayashi tossed his bow to the side and drew out his blade. The Fire Navy actor deliberately  _ stopped  _ running to let Hayashi ‘stab’ him in the chest. From here, I could see that he actually stabbed him to his right which, from a onlooker down there’s perspective, appears to have been gone through. Toph also noted this. “He didn’t stab him.”  _ No, really. We can’t have method acting, we’d run out of actors faster than the Air Nomads running out of Air Nomads on the Day of Sozin’s Comet a hundred years ago.  _ The fake ‘soldiers’ and their wonderfully smooth voices,  _ none of those Southerners were ‘smooth’ voiced, they weren’t exactly the Dai Li Choir _ , chanted in victory. Just as in real life, they prematurely celebrated. But not like in real life, Hayashi  _ watched  _ Dong come down from his palisade. I looked down at my lap, ignoring the two setting the stage for the next fight. “I wasn’t that smart when it happened” I commented, to myself. 

“Dong!” Hayashi shouted, even from here it was clear how much he  _ towered  _ over his shorter foe. “Ye-eu!” the actor couldn’t capture the...viciousness...the real man’s voice absolutely dripped of it. This actor sounded like a man who had sound lessons in the Southern dialect but...it’s not the real deal. Not that I should get caught up in  _ that _ , there was a duel to get on to. The Dong swept his blade around, at the same time, someone off-stage made an ear-piercing scraping noise with a blade against rock. I don’t recall the weapon being that noisy. The crowd was quite impressed, many were showcasing emotions of people shocked by the ‘immersiveness’ of this whole fight. Toph was sitting on the edge of the cushion, her hands dripping with anticipation and the fillings of the most recent batch of desserts. “Will you use a bow, you coward?” the Dong asked. The crowd booed him. Hayashi took his one-arrow quiver out and tossed it -the arrow- into the audience. One random near-the-front-stage person happened to catch it,  _ I suspect that was intended,  _ and held the arrow up, proudly. The two fighters exchanged some more nonsensical banter, everything the Dong said was an insult to the Badgermole Throne, everything Hayashi said defended it, and soon enough they began.

The legendary duel was little like the real one. The Dong tried to swipe at Hayashi but Hayashi easily blocked the large blade, stopping the Dong’s attempts. Each time he blocked the strike, the crowd would cheer.  _ It wasn’t like that _ . He’d then try to stab  _ the  _ Dong only for his blade to be in turn blocked by the Dong. It was well choreographed, with grandiose strikes coming down from above or the sides, strikes so obvious that even a man with one eye could see them coming. And each time, the other side would capably block it and try to strike back. The duel progressed in this back and forth cyclical nature, with  _ the  _ Dong trying to aggressively charge Hayashi only for the man with the shorter weapon to capably hold his ground. The Dong would then back up -after blocking one of Hayashi’s strikes- and try to attack again. Except...at one point...the Dong ‘broke’ Hayashi. I looked away to grab some food from the bowl in my lap -it’s in my lap not Toph’s because...she put it in my lap- and missed whatever the Dong did. But Hayashi lost his  _ jian  _ and was elbowed in the face -a very slow move, as if time itself slowed down- by the shorter man. I can’t explain it but I  _ felt  _ that blow. I felt that searing pain that comes with it. The crowd, as expected, was all shocked and amazed and scared and ‘oh no’. Toph was quiet. She was probably thinking,  _ ‘how will they end this?’  _ just as I was. The Dong then brought his giant blade around over his head and  _ smashed  _ Hayashi in his right side with the blade. Like the past strike, I did feel that. I do remember, quite well, what it’s like to suddenly have your lungs deprived of air. Hayashi fell to the floor. The Dong held his blade over the not-an-Emperor and chanted about how “I will chop you down to size!”. He tried to, I don’t know, slice Hayashi in half, only to be ‘smashed’ in the face by an earth boulder sent out of the darkness. I looked at the woman who  _ looked  _ confused but she also didn’t  _ look  _ like anything. “So you come in and save me at the very last moment…” and my wording trailed into nothingness as it was overshadowed by her screaming “Yes! Go me!” as the actress of the Empress walked onto stage with a gait of someone  _ brimming  _ with confidence. The not-an-Emperor rose, accompanied by more gongs for the sake of building self-image, and ‘struck down’ the Dong with his  _ jian  _ that he happened-to-retrieve-from-it’s-scary-distance-away because we-were-busy-watching the not-an-Empress smash the Dong’s face with a boulder. Once Hayashi ‘stabbed’ the Dong, the crowd roared in support. Then Hayashi raised his blade to the air and yelled “Ten Thousand Years!” 

Hayashi charged forward. The crowd  _ stood _ . An ‘army’ of green-clothed men with prop spears ran out and past not-the-Empress, following Hayashi as he ran ‘into’ the ‘fortification’. They cheered. They celebrated...and the battle hadn’t even been won. From the right side of the stage, an ‘army’, like the former ‘army’ it was just twenty men emerged. Some of these ‘soldiers’ were equipped with prop crossbows. As Hayashi was at the front of the charging force, one of those props ‘launched’ -it was actually on a string- a bolt that struck Hayashi in his torso. He screamed in pain, a fake scream, but didn’t stay down. He got back up, using his  _ jian  _ as a walking stick. Instead of charging into the enemy lines alone, his men came with him. Both sides engaged in the kind of fake-melee that you get when two sides are given sticks and told to  _ not  _ hit one another. So they exchanged blows with one another’s spear in a set of quick, well-rehearsed, strikes and blocks. I’m sure each blow wasn’t rehearsed, because there were moments when one ‘soldier’ didn’t understand what the other was planning, which resulted in some interesting improvisations where men were  _ actually  _ knocked down. In the middle of all this, another diversionary point in history. The actress of the Empress, for absolutely no reason, found herself weaving through the crowd and at the ‘front’ of the melee. And just before she could get herself killed by spearmen,  _ seriously why is she at the front of this? _ , Hayashi jumped in front of her to take the blow. So he took the blow to his chest. But he didn’t die. He ‘cut down’ man after man. Only at the very end, with all the men in browns-and-reds finally ‘dead’, lying on the ground, did his legs fall out from under him. As he fell, he was caught by the actress. The other ‘soldiers’ backed off to give the audience some kind of emotional moment where the actress of the Empress cradles the man who took  _ far, far  _ too many blows to still be alive. Curtains drew, no, not for the  _ end  _ of the play, what is this, quality?, of course not!. Instead, the curtains drew, the orange-clothed man who looked like a large Air Nomad with all the artistic liberties of a regular Nomad stepped out, and the crowd  _ stood  _ and  _ applauded _ . They were  _ applauding  _ this man. 

“Toph, I’d say that was awful. I didn’t jump in front of...you weren’t stupid enough to deliberately put yourself in such a idiotic situation-” she crossed her arms. “But you  _ would’ve  _ jumped in front of a spear, right?” I had to figure out if she was being serious or not. Even if she was, stupid actions tend to require lots of intelligent planning beforehand. Such is the nature of combat. I think. “I mean...yes? Normally we use this thing called tactics-” but I was cut off by her saying “Oh, come on! I have fists” and then flexing said fists’ wrists. “That’s not an argument” I argued. “And you’re not an earthbender,” she said, bending some earth for a more efficient footrest. I watched this demonstration of bending and concluded “Fair. You win.” “But you  _ would  _ jump in front of a spear for me, yes?”  _ Again, are you being serious? This isn’t the best tone-d environment for serious discussions.  _ “I’ll say yes. Because it’s...I guess...who I am?” “Good.” and then she made my shoulder sore. With her fist.  _ Indeed. You have a fist _ .  _ Thank you for proving this to me. Again.  _

As the curtains opened again and the standing ovation sat, Ming brought me a Clear Whiskey. No, really. It smelled like spruce. And I know what my kin trees smell like. And I know what Kyoshi Island smells like. For whatever reason, maybe she stole the drink for herself -Ming might be omniscient and aware of what was about to happen, who knows- I only had a small goblet of liquid to quench myself with. I’m  _ so, so  _ happy I did. Because I did  _ not  _ want to see or live through the absolute  _ wonder  _ that is Pu-On Tim’s ‘art’, or as his intellectual critics who spend day, night and even twilight pouring over how wonderful his own work is, his ‘excellently crafted, subtlety-ridden, resolutions’. 

In reality, which is the only reality, I awoke on the finest... _ no, no, that’s not right _ … I awoke missing my clothes in some strange house somewhere, assuming I had  _ lost  _ the battle because usually you don’t wake up in unfamiliar structures with people you don’t know unless you  _ lost  _ the battle. After confirming that I only had my mind  _ slightly  _ joggled beyond what is normal, I was given lots of green paste and one or two hugs. Believe me, having a large scar where a rib was  _ hammered _ by a rotund man...you don’t forget that. What I did  _ not  _ wake up on, er, in, was an earth tent. I also did  _ not  _ wake up with the Empress personally tending to my wounds. Because...she’s the Empress. We have humans for such roles. We pay them. I know, for Lord Egg, such things are shocking. World leaders have  _ staff _ . What I did not wake up to was the Empress tending to my wounds and then...well I can’t write the dialogue that ensued. 

Nor can I try to put to words what this man thinks conclusions, or relationships, are. I’m quite certain his idea of how two people learn to multiply comes from the mind of Prince Sokka’s cactus-juice addled head because even the Prince,  _ ha, what a fancy title _ , has some concept of... _ wait no he didn’t know what moon cycles were...forget it _ . Nonetheless, I do, not, believe, that anyone who just suffered intense wounds from stupid ideas and stupider executions wants to wake up and within no time at all, be...well, without pants. And I  _ was  _ without pants for a completely reasonable reason. I was  _ not  _ without pants because the Empress thought she was that creepy athlete, Ty Lee. But...the people cheered and chanted and applauded and looked up at the two of us. And my whiskey-sustained mind was too busy easily ignoring this and Toph was amused beyond bemused. I...it was like she was on cactus-juice again. She fell  _ over  _ from all the laughing.  _ Over _ . And onto me. Because I’m  _ over _ to the left. And...I don’t know, maybe she thought it would be funny to get her well-done,  _ someone put time into that hair _ , hair messy with desserts and also possibly headbutt my stomach. I don’t know. I don’t think she did either. “This...this is  _ the  _ best! They really  _ have  _ nailed us!”  _ I… I know I’m inebriated, but even I see what you did there _ . “Toph, we’re...doing really oogie things with-” “As I said, they’ve really  _ nailed  _ us!” “Like a hammer or like a euphemism?” “The second one, you iron-headed noble!”  _ I’m not iron-headed _ . She was having lots of fun ‘seeing’, with her feet, two people who were much older than us doing things with their hands and persons that… well… the only way to put it is, it really  _ is  _ a Pu-On Tim play. 

But Toph had fun. So I had fun. My innocence may have been robbed, but that’s what whiskey’s for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Toph holds a dance party in the streets!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedia Folks:  
> -The Ministers will return in a few chapters. A few. I promise  
> -Prince Chong-Shan is a man from hundreds of years ago. He's eccentric, he loves parties, and he loves the people. And he's a nonbender. Coincidentally, he's a character I created and RP as in an RP that I'm doing with my friends.  
> -Prince Chong would likely have a memorial of him kissing his own muscles be built. Not out of request, but the people would do it anyways. As for the jeweled pants, that's a mix of a running joke here (Mori loves wearing pants) and Chong's jokes there ('Someone get me some pants and a robe, I've got to go beat up that man!') and, of course, Chong's source for his jokes: Rocking Son of Dschinghis Khan. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrsMi_-5AfM ---- In this, the rebellious son of Genghis wears golden pants of power. As does Genghis. Don't ask. It's Chong's personal song and if you want to understand his character just watch that video.  
> -The Air Nomad Shrine was probably, eventually, destroyed by Chong's fanatical followers since he once called airbenders eggs and the name stuck.  
> -The Chong is the name of the theater. Chong didn't have as much of an ego as it may seem, he was just beloved for throwing parties on his private beachhouse and invited peasants (a big no-no). 
> 
> -If you're a writer, a fan of Cinemasins, or someone who is literate, or all three, you'll take great enjoyment from Pu-On Tim's jabs at writing, at my own work, and at storytelling in general.  
> -I don't think I need to give every reference that Pu-On Tim has. Most are just tropes from writing in general, some are references to events from previous chapters. In general, I took the generic 'hero saves the innocents' story that Mori and Toph would have if this was that kind of story. But they don't because, well, this isn't Pu-On Tim.  
> -The joke about the names is because most people aren't going to remember the names of the Magistrates pre-Southlands a chapter later save the one with the special cavalry. And they don't need to, most of those characters don't return.  
> -"I'm the Empress! I have needs!", because everyone knows that in fiction, (men and) women must be motivated by sex, right? It also reflects the 'easy' path of writing a character as one-dimensional. Double points go to Toph being the most one-dimensional of the main cast since she just wants to do whatever she wants, she's got no motives or goals.  
> -Any and all romance scenes courtesy of D&D. Because romance is a great catch-all for a scene, especially if you've got no idea what's going on.  
> -'Ignore that it's totally out of character for Mori or Toph to be romantic and just enjoy the romance.' -someone.  
> -The mountains of the Zheng will be covered in about 30 chapters. Don't worry. It'll come. There's a whole arc devoted to those lands.  
> -Since this is the encyclopedia and I can get away with saying it, the end of the play features a very long 'passionate' sex scene between the two Imperials. The masses love it because they love their monarchs, Mori hates it because he's Mori and Toph's cheering along because it's entertaining to her. 
> 
> -Bonus fact: These chapters had very little editing done.


	24. Dancin' in the Streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All utensils necessary to this operation being successful have been liberated and requisitioned from the hands of the enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a reference to a Mamas and the Papas song. Maybe it was done elsewhere, but I know it best from them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2MTbbPotwo .The title should clue you in on what this chapter's going to be about. And if you didn't get it already, I'm not going to waste time building tension: Toph goes partying.

Chapter Eighty-Eight:

I’m the second, or maybe third, or maybe fourth, person to admit that I love the outdoors, the rural lands, the frontier, and all those other synonyms. Ahead of me in all counts is the woman whose home is inside a city large enough to fit other countries in it. I wouldn’t call it hypocrisy, the giant golden throne was inherited down the generations, and there’s lots of benefits to having a centralized bureaucracy. Just to pick  _ one  _ random benefit, all the letters can be addressed to the same giant building. Of course, to the woman who can’t read or write, this means nothing. I don’t fault her for her despising of cities. Considering her seismic sense, everywhere she walks, she feels everything happening in the surrounding neighborhood. This is a virtue when conveniently necessary, take for instance someone’s lying capabilities, but is often forgotten as being persistent throughout the rest of her life. Not that she’ll let  _ anyone  _ forget that ‘that man, over there, is a terrible blacksmith’ before pointing at a wall and having myself and a couple of the newer Imperial Guards  _ rush  _ over to this wall like something action-related would happen as a result. And always,  _ always _ , nothing happens and the Empress laughs. I’m also subject to lots of euphemisms as a result of this woman feeling lots of people learning how to multiply. Just from  _ hearing  _ someone tell me about all these different scenarios and instances and actions and so on and so on, I, too, yearn to leave the urban areas. I can’t even imagine how annoying or aggravating it must be to experience this all the time. Which...in retrospect, explains  _ why  _ the Empress likes sleeping on a non-earth surface.

With all this knowledge in mind, one may think I would encourage a departure from the, ahem, multiplying Middle Ring, right? Why, of course not! As with previous mornings and surely many more to come, I  _ begged  _ Her Imperial Majesty to ‘please, let’s go to Court, or something’. And as with previous mornings, the carpet of black hair moved itself up my chest to find a more cushion-y place to rest. And as with previous mornings, I was told to just go back to sleep. I could fight all I wanted, all that battling is but the prelude, but I wouldn’t win. And, I have to admit, there’s something alluring about just throwing back my hands -since if I want to get off the bed I’ll have to wrestle and that requires  _ using  _ my hands- and letting the Empress continue her fake-snoring before descending back into the quiet, peaceful, almost idyllic, existence of sleep. I have to imagine that many other world leaders opt for the same laziness. Not to mention, it’s quite fun to be a pillow. And so I went back to sleep.  _ Note, Zuko's got it easy. He wakes up with the sunrise. Katara probably wakes up at randomly progressing times of day as the Moon rises later and later throughout the day and night. What about new moons? Who knows. I'm not Katara. Not my problem. _

Of all the named people who surround Toph and I on a daily basis and live through the day without being executed for trying to assassinate us, or something something plotting, I’m one of the most in favor of going out. I mean, I  _ am  _ the same guy who cut most of his classes in favor of hiking or swimming or going to lie down in the middle of the woods and enjoy the birds chirping or the sounds of a slow creek. So it makes sense that I would be in favor of going out, right? Afterall,  _ other  _ teenagers are currently going out. Granted, ‘going out’ is somewhat vague and could apply to being in the Imperial Army or toiling away on a farmstead that’s one day from being pillaged by  _ daofei _ , but they still ‘went out’. The answer is no. We have a commitment to attending Court. Since the Avatar, His Holiness, Egg, believes that a nation is ruled by one or two people, if we  _ don’t  _ go to Court, the Empire is simply not running itself.  _ Note, just ignore all the bureaucrats and government officials _ . Also because we’re the Empress and Emperor and it’s our job to go and administrate. There will be countless opportunities to bring up all the intricacies of all that...at a future time. I couldn’t stop Toph when she got up and demanded that we ‘go out to the Lower Ring and go hang out’. I can only discourage, for she’s the Empress and I’m just the Emperor. I wasn’t going to stop her from putting on clothes that aren’t sleepwear,  _ I’ve had enough Pu-On Tim for one week _ . And I was happy to do her hair for her. And with all that done, we took our clothes, her in her wrestler garb and I in -demanded from her after I requested something else- Imperial Informal Robes, our weapons, namely her fists and my scabbard, and we set out for ‘somewhere’. 

Ba Sing Se’s quite large, so ‘somewhere’ is quite...unhelpful. Even with an Imperial Carriage powered by Imperial Guards and their mastery of earthbending, travel isn’t instantaneous. First we’ve got to walk, or run, or ride an ostrich horse over to the Imperial Carriage,  _ the monorail one _ . Then we get in that. All the kowtows from the Imperial Guard and passerbys is part of the experience. Then that Carriage is kicked off and the destination given being, according to Toph, ‘Somewhere in the Lower Ring’ which then has to be turned into words by me, ‘Be prepared for Her Imperial Majesty to jump out the window at any moment’. And we took off southwards. If  _ only  _ we had a sky bison. Because taking a sky bison  _ is  _ fast. But we can’t engineer sky bisons, so earthbending-powered-monorails have to do...for now.  _ The times will change.  _ While in the Carriage, we do Carriage-y things,  _ I know, how specific _ , like relaxing on soft cushions or having breakfast, lunch and even dinner, depending on the position of the giant light disc in the sky. And of course, we go south. Or...wherever we were going since you can go in any direction from the Imperial Palace. But South's normally the optimal direction because there's the most 'places' to go to.

In other instances, I’d say we came to a stop at a station. That would be correct. For those instances. I can’t call it ‘the norm’ because  _ note to self, I’m dealing with the Empress, what even is ‘the norm’?  _ In this instance, Toph stopped picking her nose, which meant this was  _ serious _ . Either we were about to find out that we were under attack or she was about to give some important proclamation.  _ She gives lots and not every single one needs to be mentioned _ . No matter, as long as this simple action doesn’t require the removal of my queue-tie. I didn’t have a helmet, so if we  _ were  _ about to be under attack, I’ll have to hope they forget how to aim for the head...or the torso...or anything.  _ Just...be terrible at aiming and we’re alright _ . I was wrong. “I’m getting off here!” the Empress declared, shortly before headbutting the opposite wall from where I was happily almost-snacking on a piece of turtle-duck and twisting her feet to turn them into earth skates. Before I could even go ‘what’, she skated out the hole in the wall and vanished. I even pointed at the once-a-wall, mouth agape, and yelled “She vanished!”

The very competent Imperial Carriage system of...carriages, was quite competent. So competent in fact that it took us another couple city blocks to come to a complete stop and  _ part  _ of that was someone, I think Wuhan, screaming “Everyone grab something!” followed by me grabbing my seat. There were also some conical hats that opted to tear part of the Carriage wall off to hop out the side, rock gloves and rock boots ready-to-go. I was rewarded for choosing the correct direction when the train stopped and some attendant -who sat down on the opposite seat- flew forward. I’m glad I  _ wasn’t  _ holding my blade so I could instead grab her before she broke her skull on the wood-on-rock seat, leaking attendant liquid everywhere.  _ That’s called blood. It’s blood _ . She was all ‘I’m so sorry Your Majesty’ and ‘you smell really good, Your Majesty’,  _ yes, we call that a shower...  _ Toph really didn’t like that I took one and lathered me in a fine coating of earth instead. Or rather, I was having a great time showering, only for the Empress to walk through the wall and surprise me out-of-nowhere. I inquired as to  _ why  _ she randomly chose to show up, while also screaming that ‘I'm just wearing a towel!’ to which she waved her hand in front of her face and laughed. Then she asked me to put on some clothes, I did, and by the time I was done putting on clothes, she summoned a whole two handfuls of dirt from somewhere and dumped it on my head. So...I did take a shower. And I did smell like wonderful scents. And I was covered in dirt. Toph didn’t gag, that much, since ‘you still smell like earth’. The awkward conclusion to all this: If I dare to choose to take a shower, I will pay for it. But I won’t pay for it  _ that  _ much beyond a scolding. Anyways, back to attendants, laps, and an Empress.

We eventually did catch up to the Empress. It wasn’t as hard as one may think. After some Imperial Guards pulled an earth platform out of the side of the tracks, we could descend down the side of one of the gigantic support pillars of the monorail. At the same time, the agile shadow people were emblazoned by sunlight as they hopped from rooftop to rooftop, only for one of them to spot, well, the target?,  _ I don’t know if that’s the right word _ , their Empress, and a platoon of them to dive off one block of houses’ rooftops and hopefully stick the landing. I needed to but point at the craziness for the Imperial Guards that were with me to nod and for all of us, as soon as we reached the ground, to begin running in that direction. There was one problem with all of this, of course.

Ba Sing Se is not a grid city. Caldera is the closest thing to a grid city since it was established in a plain between two cliffs and the flat land compounded with the Fire Nation’s insane desires for perfection meant that the roads were planned out. Ba Sing Se just threw up roads everywhere and anywhere. But ours are better because we’re part of the Empire. This was an issue for us because once we reached the ground, we had to try and traverse side streets whose only similarity is they all have an open space due to the giant pillars towering above them. Much like the Empire, in fact. Lots of side-streets that go nowhere or wind in circles, the only thing joining them together being something that stands above them all. And once we ‘leave’ the space where the towering structure -albeit it’s a monorail not a Palace- sits, everything returns to chaos.  _ Where was I? Why am I talking about the concepts of unification and the benefits of a centralized government? Why am I standing in a street somewhere?  _

We tracked the Empress down to some tavern. Thank you, nameless Dai Li agents. Thank you, Imperial Guards and your excellent legs.  _ Nobody’s going to go ‘thank you, Your Treeliness, for having enough endurance to run down five incorrect side-streets, run back to the starting point, then pick the right one. And even then, not being tired out. ‘You’re welcome, everyone. By all means, you’re all welcome.’  _ Because this is the Empire, I’m not allowed to say ‘well that was a difficult chase that we could’ve lost’. Nope. We just...got side-tracked. We...advanced forward in five directions and one of those was just a circle. Thankfully for us all, all the screaming and fainting Lower Ringers -because their Empress popped out of a different scene entirely and showed up- cleared a path for us to find her. I mean, it wasn’t that ‘thankful’ for them, but who cares. Clarification, Her Imperial Majesty was  _ in  _ a tavern, talking to the tavern-keep, the tavern-keeper looked like he was about to faint. The Imperial Guards and I -the Dai Li returned to the shadows, as shadow people like to do-  _ might’ve  _ appeared like a bunch of drunk moose-lions when we raced past the tavern before coming to a screeching halt, spinning around, and going into the correct tavern.  _ Hey, it’s not my fault this street had ten different taverns on it _ . So we ran inside this tavern, only surprising the tavern goers even more. First their Empress and her short, wrestler-garbed self. Then a band of men in gold and green wielding golden scabbards. And in the middle of all of them, taller than some, the Emperor and his informal sleep clothes. The Imperial Guards formed a circle around the Empress while she was asking for some  _ tea _ . I joined them and got to her side. “Your Majesty, we were quite worried about where you had run off to and-” but I took a full  _ arm  _ raised as if to block my line of sight,  _ not that hard with one eye, but you raised the arm blocking the wrong eye _ , and her response of “I smelled some really good tea.”  _ But...how, why, when?  _ “Why run down this street?” “I felt like going for a run.”  _ I...what? A run? What?  _

Why bother asking? Why would I ask? Why _should_ I ask? No. No. That’s stupid. Instead, I followed Her Imperial Majesty as a table was set for her on the upstairs balcony. Just...a balcony. A balcony with a table. And chairs. No giant _Imperial_ Balconies. Or _Imperial_ Chairs. The workers brought out the most lavish chairs they could find. And by lavish, I mean _clean_. And they bumbled around since Toph was busy walking around, and normally the person off to drink tea sits down. To drink tea. But anyone who calls Toph 'normal' is wrong. And anyone who calls Toph anything other than 'Your Majesty' is _dead_. So...she walked around, enjoying the feeling of barefeet and the ground, _no, I don’t know why this ground was any better than any other ground_ , some worker closely followed her waiting to set a chair down. Then the worker got tired and dropped the chair. I grabbed the chair and shoved it, _politely_ , into an empty space. Looking at the woman and her absolute confused face of ‘how could Your Majesty be so quick’, I opted to say “It’s not like she’s going to be _looking_ off the balcony,” which earned one chuckle from the wandering Empress. After this, the tea finally arrived and was placed on the table. And the Empress gave up on wandering to take her seat. “Kyoshi, what do you recommend?” and she handed me a pitcher of tea. I reluctantly held it in my hands. “This...is a pitcher. Not a cup.” “Well, do you recommend it?” _I’m sorry, what?_ I didn’t understand her question, _fine, fine, maybe it’s my fault_ , and needed clarification. “The tea or the pitcher?” “The cup-” and she moved a cup over to me. “It’s tea, Your-” but I was interrupted by “We have names, Kyoshi.” So I fixed my error. “-It’s tea, Toph.” Then it hit me. _She wants me to taste the tea. Now I get it_. So I put the pitcher down and poured myself a cup. I then sipped the tea, before realizing, and stating, “I don’t like tea.” “That’s a lie, Kyoshi.” “I don’t like _this_ tea.” One 'hmph' later, I was told “Good.” Then she effortlessly grabbed the tea cup from the top of the table and poured the tea out. “Something better! This can’t hold a boulder compared to the Jasmine Dragon!” the Empress demanded of... _who, me?_ So I turned my head and faced the ‘I’m about to get executed’ nameless server whose name I was never going to learn, and asked “Would you mind bringing us some _better_ tea?” to which the woman simply fainted. _Great._ “Must I do this myself?” I asked of the fainted woman who, thanks to the Imperial Guards, did not break her skull on a conveniently placed pillar. “Yes” the Empress instructed. Before I could do that, the Captain gave me this gesture to ‘you can sit down’, and exited the balcony and went back into the upstairs section of the dining room. The Captain returned what felt like a single blink, _or maybe wink_ , later, carrying a _bottle_. “I took something I think Your Majesties would prefer instead” and he handed it to me. I walked back to Toph and placed it on the table. “I didn’t get this for you...Toph.” and I pointed at the bottle. “Good, does it taste any good?” and she grabbed the bottle and handed it to me. _I...right, right, of course, you’re blind_. I uncorked it and took a whiff and it smelled like trees. Not one to ask, or care, _except it’s my job to taste drinks_ , I poured some for myself and drank it down. _Yes...it is better. Remind me to thank the Captain_. Once I was sure that I wasn’t about to die of poisoning, I poured Toph a cup -the last time she tried to pour it for herself she only made the Imperial... _Bedsheets?_ _Blanket?..._ smell of rice wine. Now, we have lots of blankets and bedsheets but it’s better to _not_ waste them all. So we’ve settled on trying to ensure that the drinks we want to drink are drunk and not that we are dunked in their drinks. So I pour her her drinks. Sometimes. When I’m fast enough. She took her cup when she felt like it - _well there goes some of this bottle, I hope it can quench the table-_ and downed it. More of the liquid ended up on the table than in the tiny cup she was holding in her... _well maybe for her hands that's a reasonable sized cup? No, wait, she's the Empress, anything normal to her is normal to the rest of us._ Anyways, I poured more of the bottle onto the table than I desired pouring onto the table. Why spend so much time on the act of drinking? _Why not_. 

It shouldn’t surprise me,  _ and it doesn’t _ , when I reminded myself to turn my head towards the street -instead of watching Toph enjoy her drink- and spotted a mob of people.  _ Don’t you all have jobs? Oh, wait, this is the Lower Ring… we have unemployment… wait no, no, we are just not employing everyone at this one slice of time _ . That, or,  _ or, maybe I’m crazy for saying this _ , random denizen number ten million eight hundred thousand five hundred and sixty two hasn’t seen the Empress before in person and is ecstatic at the chance to.  _ No, it’s definitely the former. Go back to work, you not-yet-employed _ . “Toph, how are we going to solve unemployment...I mean...the not-yet-employed problem?” “What problem?” she countered, putting her drink down.  _ Oh no. She stopped.  _ This made me tremble, shake a bit more than I needed to, and stagger my words as I tried to form something that sounded like a sentence.  __ “The… problem… with people who… have yet to have jobs… because they’re kind of working…” “What?” she inquired, skeptical but also with that tone of ‘ _ I’m listening, just yell louder _ ’. I fixed my previous statement, compacting it into “That problem.” “There isn’t a problem, is there?” “No...there...is a problem? Maybe?” “Is there a problem or is there not a problem, Kyoshi?” “There is a problem. I think. It’s about people...not working enough”  _ no, it’s that they aren’t working, at all.  _ “I didn’t hear about a problem. Did  _ you  _ hear about a problem, Kyoshi?”  _ I mean...we have the Court for this… oh, and also all the letters that we receive every day that need their own paragraph of explanation but in short I have to write back Toph’s exhausted uninterested response to a bunch of poetry disguised as text.  _ In classic governmental posture, I stuck my hands in my sleeves. “If...you...went to Court… you might hear more of-” but I was cut off by her yawning. “As I said, is there a problem, Kyoshi?”  _ I… yes? And also no?  _ “There is a problem, yes.” My mustered courage didn’t matter much. “I don’t think there’s a problem.” “So...there is no problem.” “Not in Ba Sing Se. Maybe out in  _ daofei _ land or ‘we’re on fire come help us’ land” and she proceeded to make wavy hand motions to imitate what fire is like. Except...it looked more like she was trying to fight a light gale. I chose to ask, or rather state, “So you don’t see a problem.”  _ Okay, that phrasing was a bit wrong _ . She tried to roll her eyes, and failed. “Nope. No problem.”  _ Are you being sarcastic? Serious?  _ “Should I stop asking you?” and  _ now  _ I heard her serious, seriously giddy that is, voice of “Yes! Stop. Save this for the Court! I'm busy having fun here!” I'm not one to hack away at one's contradictory remarks, but that's also possibly my job as Emperor. “But you don’t want me to go to Court.” She hand-waved that statement away. “Then save this for someone whose problem it is is to deal with problems!” “Like the Court?” “Like the Court, Kyoshi.” “But you don’t want me to…” then I stopped. Because, as I commented to her, “There’s circular reasoning and then there’s-” but before I could get to the actual meat of the topic, I was interrupted by her saying “This isn’t circular. This isn’t my problem. We have a whole-” her outstretched arms with flexed palms flailing needs be mentioned, “- _ country _ -” and then she put her hands back down on the table, “-to deal with this.” As if talking about running things made her bored, which it did,  _ of course it did _ , she stood up. And because her act of standing up is holy, the mob of people who  _ oh, right, all of you are still standing over there, not having jobs but also having jobs but also needing jobs but also...something _ , kowtowed. 

She took her place at the hand-rails and began giving her epic speech of high poetry. Since everything the Empress says is deemed holy.  _ Which means 'you make a fine pillow, Kyoshi' is a holy statement for the ages. Glad to see, ha, that's how I'll be remembered _ . “Lower Ringers! What a fine night to go out for a drink, right?” and the horde of people cheered. I walked up next to her and whispered “Toph, it’s the middle of the day.” Her head swiveled to face me and my whispering,  _ right, please never do that, its one thing to whisper, it’s another thing to blink and suddenly be greeted with lifeless green eyes _ , and she was all “Oh” followed by a swift counterattack of “So?” and she ‘pointed’ at the crowd.  _ All of you, she’s not pointing at you. She’s just being hand-based-emotive _ . She was right, to no surprise. The crowd was cheering. The Sun sat above us, as daytime tends to dictate, but the people didn’t care. “It’s...isn’t it still a bad idea to tell people a lie?” So she took her palm and rammed it into my face. “Now it’s night. You happy?”  _ I...that’s not how night works. Covering my face doesn't make it nighttime.  _ “Yes.” I tried not to sound beyond embarrassed,  _ oh come on you’re with Toph _ , and it seems like Toph appreciated the embarrassment. Or maybe she didn’t care because her point was proven. “Good.” and she went back to being a public speaker. 

I have no idea what she was saying. I wasn’t that interested in listening.  _ No, I mean...I was...but I was busy looking around the tavern since watching a mob is not as interesting as why this store’s walls are painted a slightly darker shade of green _ . I know that every time she finished words, the crowd yelled in applause. Also, she has a bad, or possibly good habit,  _ no, no, she’s the Empress, every habit is a good habit _ , of stomping about while she gives these rallying speeches and because she’s an earthbender and  _ the best _ earthbender, all that stomping tends to cause minor quakes.  _ No, Pu-On Tim. No. I know where your mind is. No. I mean...I don’t know. I mean, emotional reactions enhance bending. But my only experience is, one, your plays, and two, Imperial Archive books on 'courtship' which use such clever dialogue as to censor any descriptive events and make such a reading safe for the young Princes and Princesses. Except, of course, why are they reading a guide to courtship? Who knows. I'm not a Prince.  _ So she’d say something, the people would cheer, and I’d stare at this one darker-shaded wall with my good eye since trying to tell how far away the men  _ cheering from that rooftop, yes, rooftop,  _ is hard to do with one good eye.  _ And yet I’m a decent archer. So I’m a hypocrite. Because it's easy to adapt to a skill where one eye is already closed, it's hard to adapt to telling distance which requires having two good eyes to begin with. Oh well, this is the Empire. Hypocrisy is legal.  _ Truth be told, I started paying attention with my ears when I felt like paying attention. Is that seismic sense? Am I an earthbender?  _ Sadly, no to both.  _ But someone in the Imperial Infirmary, intoxicated to the point that she thought she was somewhere else, told me that I can train my ears to hear things.  _ I...I meant train my ears to locate people's voices. Well that's not getting removed because this ink costs as much as half a tank, and I won't waste any. _

Meanwhile in reality, the two Imperial Guards pretending to be statues, sometimes laughing statues, but still statues, were more entertaining than whatever nonsense was going out outside.  _ Wait, you idiot, you are outside.  _ I very clearly heard the sound of drumming feet and what sounded like a train - _ except we’re in the middle of a neighborhood with no train _ \- and the really loud screaming, yelling, and possible stampeding, of a mass of people. So I instinctively swung around and went over to Toph, “What’s going on, and why are you letting yourself be so out in the open?” but my answer came in the form of some man running up to us and kowtowing.  _ Oh come on. Just before I could hear the plot.  _ I strolled over to him and leaned forward so it wouldn’t be as hard for him to look  _ up  _ at me. “Yes, what do  _ you  _ want? We have a whole Court for matters like this.” This man, who I didn't recognize from a literal hole in the ground, sounded quite panicked as he said “Why...I didn’t know Your Majesties would be having so many guests.”  _ What? Guests? So many?  _ I accidentally sounded like some kind of mature adult when I looked back at the Empress, crossed my arms, and asked “Toph, what is the meaning of this?” “ _ I’m sorry, Father _ , I just wanted to invite all these wonderful people in!” I slapped myself in the face.  _ Well I guess I'm good at pretending to sound mature. Or maybe she's having fun playing along and not taking any of this seriously. Hmm.  _ “We don’t have the logistics for this,” I retorted. So she retorted by grabbing my arm and dragging me back to the railing. “Then make some logistics." she pointed at my face despite the height difference, "You’re telling me you can build a monorail but you can’t find some extra chairs?”  _ I...actually,  _ “Monorails are built by the Imperial...I’m just going to pretend I know their name, the Imperial Monorail Building Corps, who are a subsidiary of the Imperial Army. There’s a whole structure in place for building monorails which starts with-” I took a finger to the face. “Thanks for the lecture, tutor, but-” she pulled on my  _ queue  _ to make me kneel and lean in  _ close _ , close enough that she could  _ scream  _ “-I don’t care!”. Letting me go, she concluded this with “Make it work! I don’t care how, but make it work!” I think that's what she said, my ears were ringing.  _ Just pretend there is no ear ringing. You're the Emperor. The Emperor can't have his ears ring. _

The people waited outside the doors to this humble, average-sized, tavern structure. The street, bordered by a few five, six and seven story apartment buildings but mostly two or three-story houses and shops, was no place for a party. Not that that stopped me. We took on the Fire Nation. We can take on a  _ street _ . I shouted “Captain!” to the sky. Only for the named individual,  _ we’ve only got one to deal with now, not four _ , to stroll over. “Yes, Your Majesty?” I was separated from the Captain by this short person who refused to budge, so we engaged in conversation over her head. Literally. “Take your men, I know they’re paid for bodyguard duty, but…” I couldn’t help but sigh in a interlude, “I want stone chairs and tables and...more stone chairs and tables, built out there.” and I pointed at the street. “I...does Your Majesty want us to furnish them with some gold, too?” he asked. “Go ahead. Just build some tables and chairs. I expect competence.” Wuhan groaned in dismay. “Sorry, Your Majesty. Wrong nation for competence. Can I offer you some  _ attempted  _ competence?” I looked at my palm and pondered what I could possibly say as a reply to that statement.  _ Just because you’re not from the Empire...wait no, because you’re not from the Empire, you actually see things as they are. And I only have one eye so I can’t see as much as you _ . After one more sigh for good measure, “Just...do things." and I flapped my hands about, pretending to earthbend. "I’m going to sit here and dote over you like a monarch should.” “As Your Majesty commands” and he walked out. Toph joined me, since she's also a monarch, as we sat by a railing and watched everyone else do the work for us.  _ I'm kidding, she kicked the ground while sitting and made a couple dozen seats -stone stumps- pop out of nothing on the street down there. Then, and only after she showed off hard enough, did she recline in her seat and go  _ 'I've had enough for right now'.

I heard the voice of one Northerner shouting orders and watched a bunch of men in gold-and-green file out in perfect two-by-however-long formation into the street. He drew his  _ dao  _ because commands aren’t as cool unless you’re pointing a weapon at someone or something, and yelled for tables and chairs to be pulled out of the stone street itself. Then he noticed the conveniently timed seats and altered his command to apply to tables, instead. The men in extremely fancy armor and fancier hats took to using the same earthbending that can launch a surface-to-air projectile the size of a house to...pull some tables -and extra chairs- out. I know, what a great use of skills. At least they weren’t the Dai Li. Because someone, I assume that person had an important rank, skated along one of the opposite walls before passing a letter to someone else. That man passed a letter to someone  _ else  _ who then ran, er, skated,  _ through  _ one of the tables that one of these Imperial Guards had worked so...not hard on… to bring the letter up to Toph. She then handed it to me after holding it up to her eyes and going 'Such small print!'. Then I opened it. Something about approval for a party to be set up in some  _ really, really  _ long address. I rolled the parchment up and flicked it to the agent and his companion.

“What’s all this about?” I asked. “We got approval for the party, Your Majesty" he replied in standard-issue Dai Li voice. “But...nobody said this was a party.” “We have approval for it anyways, Your Majesty.” “Do you need approval for  _ everything _ ?” “Yes, Your Majesty.” “Then get to work before I  _ approve  _ something.” “Yes, Your Majesty” and the man threw himself off the balcony and stuck the landing.  _ See, if I tried that, my leg would be broken. He and his friend do that, and they get to break through one of the tables that someone worked all of no time at all to build _ . The Dai Li then hopped off their rooftops and took to...helping set up for a party. A  _ party _ . All because the Empress -who was smiling as her hand felt the dozens of vibrations and changes in the earth- wanted one. The Imperial Guards and their powerful acts of earthbending and metalbending meant nothing. Because these people were pulling out some chairs. And some tables. I don’t want to know  _ where  _ the Dai Li got a whole cart full of plates, and I don’t think I’m going to ask, but they showed up with a cart full of plates and tea cups all with different markings, some appeared to be much fancier than others and I think one or two of those cups belonged to a noble family, and began the insane process of trying to place plates and cups. Which is very hard. The mob of people were forced to disperse to give the two strong arms - _ ha, strong arms? Only competent arms, more likely _ \- of the Badgermole Throne some space to build objects. One man who didn’t depart in the nonexistent time that the Dai Li gave took a rock glove to the neck and got tossed like a trebuchet projectile into the nearest commandery.  _ Well that’s a bit...violent? Or maybe it isn’t _ . I hope he gets politely asked as to why he didn’t leave in the no time the Dai Li gave. But that would require talking about the justice system. Which would require going to Court. Which is as likely as...I don’t know. It’s not going to happen, not right now.

Coincidentally, some  _ other  _ Dai Li agent pair showed up to inform us that ‘an attempted assassin was liquidated’.  _ Liquidated?  _ While Toph picked her toes, I asked “Does that mean you liquefied him?” “We  _ can _ , if that’s more of Your Majesty’s pleasure-” I interrupted this eager voice to go “No, no, no turning people into liquids. Thank you. Please go...do things” and the two agents bowed and jumped off the balcony, again, sticking the landing. The problem with the Dai Li and setting up a party is that the Dai Li have rock gloves. And plates are not made from stone. I recall from memory one point when I wasn’t busy watching Toph clean her own feet, or ears, or teeth, that I stood up and tried to yell down to the two Captains,  _ because that other man yelling orders is a Captain, right?,  _ “What’s going on down there? Why are there so many broken plates when the party hasn’t even started?” “Not my problem, Your Majesty” the Northerner said while he stomped the ground and pulled a whole table out of nothingness.  _ Good on you, second metalbender in history _ . “Would Your Majesty like us to get some more plates, Your Majesty?” the other man, who was probably a Captain, except wearing a conical hat and making sure that it was properly tipped, stated. “I…” I needed to pause to craft the right sentence. “Yes. I do...and...what’s your rank, Captain?” “I’m a Colonel, Your Majesty.” “Then...go do things, Colonel!”

“Yes, Your Majesty!” the man took to yelling some kind of order and before I knew it, for absolutely no coincidental reason, a bunch of houses across the street from us were being politely knocked on by a bunch of conical hats. Their doors opened, usually consensually,  _ yes, Pu-On Tim, I found a new story for you to pillage, 'Dai Li knocks on door, is greeted by housewife,' _ only for the Dai Li pairs to go inside and...usually after silence, emerge with handfuls of sometimes sorted dishes. The individuals who followed the pairs as they left were one of two types: Either they were the kowtowing fanatically in support of their one silver piece plate being used for some kind of Imperial party,  _ it’s like a normal party with more Kyoshi-made whiskey…  _ or they were the kind of people who we don’t talk about. Because they don’t exist.  _ Nope. There are absolutely no people who object to that one family heirloom goblet being used for some ruffian’s wine. Nope. They never existed to begin with.  _ Or that’s what the Dai Li were telling me when they climbed up the wall to report on "all utensils necessary to this operation being successfully liberated and requisitioned from the hands of the enemy, Your Majesty" Upon this statement, I looked at the agent like he was on cactus juice, then asked “What enemy?” The other half of that agent pairing leaned in to whisper something to the first half, only for the first half to apologize and “My mistake, Your Majesty. There are no enemies in these walls. Here we are…” but he didn’t know how to finish his affirmation, so his partner did. “Here we are enemy-less. Here we can drink!” before grabbing his fellow agent and tossing him off the railing. “Pardon us, Your Majesty. Inter-Dai Li business.” I didn’t know what happened to the first man. I  _ think  _ he might've split his head open on the ground. Or maybe not. Or the second. I also didn’t care that much. Too busy being distracted by,  _ who else _ , Toph arm-wrestling the Captain.

“Where...you were down there a moment ago and now you’re up here...how?” The Northerner was quite strained in his voice. “I borrowed the Dai Li’s ability to show up anywhere at any time from them, Your Majesty.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “That...that isn’t real” I responded, amazed at his statement and also how hard he was trying to  _ fight  _ Toph and her similar straining of muscles,  _ note, the two combatants had rooted their feet in the balcony floor, as you do.  _ “It  _ is  _ quite real, look behind you, Your Majesty” and the Captain tried to use his free hand to point but instead his hand quivered as he gritted his teeth to fight the Empress. Needless to say, I turned around and “Evening, Your Majesty!” and I  _ might’ve  _ fallen backwards at the Dai Li casually waving his hand. His fellow partner who was a  _ bit  _ late to the whole party thing had managed to clamber up afterwards, but just in time to chastise his fellow agent. “Wei, stop scaring His Imperial Majesty.” “But...he liked it.” I must thank Her Imperial Majesty for letting me break my fall against her hand  _ and  _ grabbing me before I could...I don’t know, bruise her?. After standing and properly dusting myself off from all the dirt that was transmitted from the Empress and her affinity for rolling around in dirt to I, I fluffed my robes as professionally as I could and took to debriefing these two strange weirdos that kept following me around. “I did not like it.” “But  _ I  _ found it hilarious!” the Empress commented. The wiser of the two agents took to bowing and saying “On behalf of the entire-” but was hastily cut off by Toph yelling in victory. So I spun around and...indeed, she had won, smashing the Captain and his elbow into the stone. But sitting back and having her victory declared to her isn’t enough for the Empress. So she took to  _ standing,  _ er, putting one foot on the table, and yelling “I’m the best!” to which the two statues and I applauded her success. Her punching of the air, symbolism for something important, was the dessert to the dinner that was their duel. Not that I  _ saw  _ that. I was busy dealing with the Laughing Lord Li and his friend, Secret Shadow Stalker Shen.  _ That’s not their names. But it could be.  _

With all  _ that  _ behind me, well it was technically in front of me, but then it disappeared  _ below  _ me, the Sun decided to make like the Egg and vanish. With the last vestiges of sunlight beaming against the tallest spires of the many,  _ many _ , temples scattered about the city, the Dai Li and Imperial Guard announced that all the preparations and prelude-to-the-party executions were done. I assume the Captain,  _ er, Colonel _ , of the Dai Li’s comment on executions was some kind of joke, since both Toph and I cracked up at it, and thanked him for such. Before Toph could ask for more, I reminded her that “We’ve got a party to get to” and she stood up, went to the railing that was now in tatters from all the Dai Li using it as a stairway, and...did nothing. Because it’s not like she’s going to  _ look  _ at her audience. She  _ will  _ stand there because she knows how awesome she looks when she stands all heroically on top of a smashed balcony, and as such was more than happy to do so while the peopled entered the now-disbanded cordoned-off-area and began the chaotic act of retrieving drinks. All kinds of drinks. Drinks that were brought in, courtesy the Dai Li, from much fancier neighborhoods. An entire train carriage full of such refreshments, in fact. It might’ve been bound for some Minister’s party. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. I was here. And we suddenly had lots and lots of drinks.

Her Imperial Majesty took to descending into the masses. The masses that were congregating on this specific section of this one street. Those who could get chairs did. Those who couldn’t stayed at the so-called periphery, wandering about like drunk turtle-ducks. With the help of the Captain, I went downstairs,  _ by means of the balcony _ , and ended up in the middle of this mob. I had to work my way through it. I ordered the Captain to “get to the Empress, forget about me” and he nodded. This was just a mob. Nothing difficult. I could look over most of the sitting people and keep my good eye on the Empress. She was talking to her subjects, and I have to presume she was using the same lack of social norms that she might use for more...professional settings. Why? They broke into laughter, block-spanning laughter. I wouldn’t know much of what happened beyond me personally wading through all these people. They weren’t stuck together like a proper mob, but people were gathered in pairs or trios, talking, drinking and terribly flirting. Pitchers were pouring drinks everywhere and on three different occasions three different people offered to ‘buy’ me a drink. Two of those people were conscious enough to realize that I didn’t want one. The third fell over because she was sufficiently quenched for the night. 

When I finally reached the Empress, she turned around and went “Kyoshi! I’m glad you finally arrived!” before stepping forward -the mob may not know who I and my manly blue dress are, but they know who the Empress is- and grabbing my hand. “You, Kyoshi, you’re a good dancer, right?”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ While she held my hand to the air, earning applause from everyone around us, I tried to quietly ask “How much have you had to drink, Your Majesty?” She didn’t respond, probably due to all the yelling. “I said  _ dance _ !” and she staggered around me, trying to press me into  _ something _ . I didn’t know what, or who, and the mob that was tightly encircling us was no help.  _ Dance? What dance? I can’t dance. I don’t dance _ . “Your Majesty, I’m the Emperor...Emperors don’t dance.” and that statement compiled with her previous desire of me...dancing... earned a shove from her. I might’ve been able to stop it but I was taken off-guard from all the  _ nonsense _ .  _ Wait. Wait.  _ "Do you want me to dance with you?"  _ Yes, it's convoluted, yes, I forgot my titles _ . "I'd  _ love _ to" she said, sarcastically.  _ Aw. I was hoping for some deeper metaphor to explore. Or symbolism. Or something about teenagers dancing being equal to Pu-On Tim's plays. Wait no, not that. That was a joke, self.  _ Also, how exactly would a blind girl dance? Toph's not the type to be fleet-footed, in fact she resents Twinkletoes. So... _ how?  _ Maybe I shouldn't think too hard about a passing remark that was well-meaning and was responded with sarcasm.

Reality returned to me as I was shoved into the waiting arms of all these strange people I didn't and still don't know. They helpfully pushed me backwards and I regained my footing. As I did so, I had an idea. An Emperor doesn’t dance. And I don’t  _ have  _ to.  _ The Lower Ringers are loyal to the Badgermole Throne, which means they’re loyal to me. I don’t need to actually dance. I can just use my popular support to benefit my goals.  _ So I took to finding the nearest table, Toph was busy spinning in circles, and announced “All of you! Get to dancing! Her Imperial Majesty orders you to!” and...because this is the Empire, the people agreed. While the people decided on how they were going to dance, I jumped off the table and grabbed the Empress so she couldn’t trip or do something really stupid. I helped her to a chair.  _ Thank you Captain Wuhan for taking some drunk man and tossing him off the chair _ . She was, in fact, inebriated. Which means she's even less-likely to be a contender for dancing. And also means I probably need to draw my  _ jian  _ in case I need to start slicing. Because...I don't know...there could be enemies waiting for the two of us to be tired while in this very public setting?  _ Wait who am I kidding, we have elite guards. They're elite for a reason.  _ I then stood next to her while the people… well the people aren’t educated, so why should I expect them to be experts at the arts? 

I was wrong. The peasants  _ are  _ experts at the arts. 'Experts'. With only a few tables upturned, the chair-residing Toph and sentinel I,  _ and Wuhan, you’re also here _ , were surrounded by a sea of peasantry. And the sea of peasantry took to...circle dancing.  _ I...that’s not dancing. That’s a bunch of people in a circle, holding hands, spinning in a circle but not as individuals but as a large group _ . Something something symbolism of the strength of stability over individuality. Being taller than the average Lower Ringer or Ba Sing Se-an or even Imperial, and also having the benefit of a table to stand on, I could watch the peasantry gather into circles of twenty, thirty, forty, and while the circles had no cohesion to them, people were deciding to hold hands with other people. Due to a lack of cohesion, circles even overlapped, but when they did people would just break off into smaller circles. Circles. Circles.  _ All these circles.  _ I am grateful to the Captain for, among other things, retrieving the perfect kind of nourishment so that I may drown out this nonsense in the relieving tastes of whiskey.  _ I guess it's jian sheathing time _ . As if that wasn’t enough, someone also brought out musical instruments. And by someone I mean shadow people. One man, in particular, and his pipa. He had  _ possibly  _ smashed a few heads to get through the crowd and approach me personally. He exchanged no words as he stood to the side of Toph and began strumming his pipa. Strumming it quite well, in fact. Then  _ another  _ person smashed some heads to weave  _ his  _ way through the crowd and go “Wei! Wei! Stop!” but before the latter could criticize the former, “No. I think this music’s sweet” and I, Wei, Wuhan and the one or two not-wasted people who were nearby paused our thoughts and stared at the Empress.  _ Oh come on.  _ “Next thing you’ll say is ‘Kyoshi, learn to play the pipa’ or ‘Kyoshi, learn to play the flute’ or ‘Kyoshi, learn to play something.’” “Kyoshi! Learn to play the pipa! Or something!”  _ Yup. Knew it. _ The pipa-playing Dai Li agent wasn’t alone. No. Of course not. Why would a Dai Li agent ever be alone? A whole ensemble of fruit pies showed up with their own instruments. Mostly pipas, though I spotted a couple men  _ pulling flutes out of their robes _ . I don’t want to know why, or how. So I didn’t ask. 

And that’s before the singers arrived. Yes. The singers. The Dai Li singers who weren’t playing instruments. Note: Any time a line is followed by -same line- a quote like  _ 'this _ ', that means the backline is singing it after the main singers ended.

_ Noble girl _

_ She's been living in her noble world _

_ I bet she never had a pea-sant guy _

_ I bet her mama never told her why _

I don’t know why the peasantry knew this song, nor why they began dancing along to this.

_ I'm gonna try for a noble girl 'noble girl' _

_ She's been living in her high ring world _

_ As long as anyone with earth blood can _

_ And now she's looking for a low-ring man _

_ That's what I am _

They changed from circles to a kind of strange choreographed chaos where they danced individually.

_ And when she knows what/She wants from her time _ ' _ her ti-i-ime' _

_ And when she wakes up/And makes up her mind her mi-i-ind _ ' _ her mi-i-ind' _

The crowd that was singing along joined in for the two choral sections. 

_ She'll see I'm not so tough _

_ Just because I'm in love with a noble girl 'noble girl!' _

And the crowd repeated the choral sections, now more unified.  _ What, is this band popular or something? _

_ She'll see I'm not so tough _

_ Just because I'm in love with a noble girl 'noble girl!' _

The crowd began clapping along, in eerie sync, as the front pair of singers started the next stanza:

_ You know I've seen her in her noble world 'noble world!' _

_ She's getting tired of her high class toys _

_ And all her presents from her noble boys 'noble boys!' _

_ She's got a choice _

_ Noble girl/You know I can't afford to buy her pearls _

_ But maybe someday when my cart comes in _

_ She'll understand what kind of guy I've been 'I've been' _

_ And then I'll win _

_ And when she's walking _

_ She's looking so fi-i-ine _

_ And when she's talking _

_ She'll say that she's mi-i-ine _

_ She'll say I'm not so tough _

_ Just because _

_ I'm in love _

_ With a noble girl  _

_ She's been living in her high ring world _

_ As long as anyone with earth blood can _

_ And now she's looking for a low ring man _

_ That's what I am _

_ Noble girl _

_ She's my noble girl _

_ You know I'm in love _

_ With an noble girl _

_ My noble girl...You know I'm in love _

_ With an noble girl _

_ My noble girl _

At the end of all this, the crowd burst into applause, and clapping, more clapping rather, and a couple people who must’ve fainted from seeing the  _ Dai Li  _ suddenly break into song -but no dance- and a musical orchestra, on the spot, as if they’ve been rehearsing for this, or something. I guess they have been. I don’t know. The Captain -the sane, normal one- raised his hand to disagree, “So if they get to...do... _ that _ ...do I get to sing the songs of my ancestors?” Toph was also clapping and cheering her secret police on. But at the Captain’s inquiry, she suddenly stopped, part out of intrigue and part annoyance at being interrupted. “Can you dance to those songs?” The Captain slumped his head. “Only the dance of war, I’m afraid, Your Majesty.” “I’d love to hear them” I consolidated him. “Some other time. Preferably when we’re all about to go to war.” “Well this  _ is  _ the Empire. That  _ could  _ be tomorrow.” “If there’s a war in the next couple of days, then I’ll make sure to sing, Your Majesty.”  _ Good. I can’t wait to hear it _ .  _ Now, what about the war part?  _ Before I could start a conflict, the inebriated Empress took to starting some of her own. 

For, against my wishes and my measly attempts to stop her,  _ it doesn’t matter how tall the tree is, if he can be elbowed in the stomach once, twice, or ten times, he’s not that strong _ , she managed to get her hands on more liquid refreshment and even stole, er,  _ liberated _ , my cup for her use. Then she downed whatever I had poured for myself. While doing all this, the Dai Li grabbed their instruments and the hundreds of copper and silver pieces tossed their way, bowed to the people, and left. I’m guessing they had places to go to, you know, a place to  _ store  _ those pipas and flutes and  _ drums  _ and gongs. Which left just the Imperial Guard, the sober ones at least, the Northerner and the Southerner. And the Empress. So her ear-blistering tangent was heard by the lot of us who weren’t that inebriated, or not inebriated enough, and the crowd of people who  _ were _ . 

“I took my fists, and I  _ punched  _ Caldera! With my fists!” and the people cheered. Wuhan restrained his laughter. And that man doesn’t often laugh. And I didn’t restrain mine. Because I’m the Emperor and I can laugh when I want to. “All those people who don’t like me? I  _ punch  _ them! With my fists!” and again, the mob cheered. “I punched Fire Lord Hotman! I punched a man named Dong! I punched some weird magistrate! You mess with the Empire, I will punch you!” and she showcased her drunken fury by punching the air with jabs, and more jabs. A jab for every ‘punch’.  _ That’s not a punch then _ . “Ask my pillow! He’s really good at punching things, too!” and she swung around and grabbed at the air, confusing it for I. Then she gave up her attempt to do so.  _ Why thank you for the compliment.  _ “But our punching is not done! It never is! We’ve got  _ lots  _ of people who need to be punched!”  _ Where is this going, and do I get to execute someone?  _

“The other day, or maybe it was the night, my pillow and I picked a fight with Twinkletoes! But ‘cause he’s an airbender, Lord Fancy Dancer escaped!”  _ Are you talking about the sea battle? Because...there was no fighting between us then. I hopped in a biplane and took to the skies with the Captain. I...we never did any fighting. _ “And even before that, I was in Caldera, and this Fancy Dancer tried to kidnap me!”  _ I mean...yes? No? It’s both his fault and not his fault for not telling you to keep your hands and feet inside the sky bison. Also the whole ‘the Empress can’t fly’ except that time you flew a metal-jet in some kind of new hobby called ‘wind-surfing’.  _ “Did you guys know Lord Hotman didn’t tell me anything? He was all ‘you’re completely safe!’ They’re both really really incompetent!”  _ I think that needs another really. Really, I do _ . In  _ my  _ stupor or possibly fog from being exhausted from nonsense, I didn’t notice the crowd yelling in support of their Empress and assumed she was just ranting to...nobody in particular. I had to intervene and tried whispering to her. “Toph, I don’t think its a good idea to tell everyone how terrible your fellow world leaders are. The Avatar’s...the Avatar. And the Fire Lord still has, you know, a giant army and fanatical suicide-aircraft-flying fruitpies at his command. And a dragon. I don’t want to get sizzled yet again-” but I was interrupted by her going “No. The ‘Avatar’-” she mocked my use of his name “-tried to kidnap me. It’s just that simple.” But before she could continue sewing insanity, she tripped on nothing and I had to catch her. Noticing that she had, indeed, passed out from all the ranting and enjoying-of-the-times, I slung her over my shoulder like a sack of grain and told the one other sober Imperial Guard, Wuhan, to clear a path to get us back to somewhere that didn’t smell of smelly farmers as much. 

As for her comments about the Avatar and the Fire Lord? Drunken mobs are too stupid to know anything. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, join Toph, Mori -by virtue of being dragged along- and a bunch of Imperial Guards and Dai Li as they go...to the beach! No, there won't be any fanservice, because why would there be? This monarch's just being lazy.  
> Speaking of lazy, let's talk instigating rebellions!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Rebellious Folks:  
> -Toph's seismic sense isn't something she can just turn on or off (excluding standing on a non-earth surface) and since most houses are made of stone (it's the Earth Empire afterall, building stone houses is one of the few things they're good at). As a result, when she walks around (especially at night) it's up to her whether she wants to make everyone else suffer from hearing her descriptions (possibly made up just for the giggles) of events transpiring beyond everyone else's sight range.  
> -Mori wants to get up, Toph wants to sleep. A war that will be waged for the rest of time. The consequences of such competing interests will make a return, in time.  
> -When Toph wants to get off, Toph gets off. Simple as that. As for the earth skates, she's spent a lot of time around the Dai Li. It's not inconceivable she's pick up some of their cool moves.   
> -Toph's disinterest in 'problems' as she calls them will come back later. Is it Mori's fault for not being as brave? Or being bad with words when under pressure? Or fearing bothering his Empress while she drinks tea? Probably all of the preceding. But it's also on Toph for refusing to attend her responsibilities in favor of..well, you just read what she prefers doing: Drinking tea, going running and 'hanging out' with the people.   
> -The 'letters' references are Imperial Memorials. They will return and be given their own expository section in future, when relevant. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_to_the_throne)  
> -Mori's not an earthbender, but that line was a reference to proto-Mori who was an earthbender and was taught seismic sense by Toph. And by taught I mean Toph caused a cave-in to trap the two of them -with provisions- in a cave until he figured out how to do it. Mori learned, fast.   
> -Toph's 'finger point at face' is derived from when she goes "Look here, Sugar Queen!"  
> -Toph does take to casually building more chairs during the rest of the setup phase, Mori's just busy talking to the Dai Li.  
> -The Dai Li do need approval for nearly everything.   
> -The Dai Li used their approval to go and loot a bunch of nearby houses for their plates and cutlery.  
> -Yes, there are lots of people out there who would die to have their property be taken and used for an Imperial party.  
> -Wei and Shen, the best Dai Li pair ever, will return again. And again. They're assigned to following His Imperial Majesty around and always pop in at convenient times to converse with him.  
> -Wei's last name is Li. Shen's last name is not Shen.  
> -It's not a proper Imperial dinner without at least 10 executions.   
> -The peasants dance in circles, because circle-dancing is quite simple. It's not Chinese in origin, but I'm a fan of the Northern Renaissance and it's folk dancing, so I included it.   
> -The song they sing is a modified version of Billy Joel's Uptown Girl. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCuMWrfXG4E . Change some lyrics and it could fit for the Lower and Upper Ring divide. Of course, Billy Joel wasn't originally meant to be danced to in Late-Qing setting 1600s-era peasant dancing styles. But they do it anyways.  
> -Fun fact, I originally planned on Mori learning this song since he was a peasant and Toph was nobility. Then I decide against it because Mori's too confused by all this.  
> -Mori and Wuhan's exchange after "Noble Girl" is a musical reference to "If War Comes Tomorrow", a Red Army Choir song. It, too, will one day find itself in this cluster of insanity known as my writing.  
> -As for Toph's ramblings? We'll see their consequences/return in a couple chapters


	25. The Beach Chapter (No to Fanservice, Yes to Fan-girls Serving a Kuai Ball)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In another "The Empress, ruler of the entire Earth Empire, avoids doing anything related to ruling" chapters, Toph goes to the beach on Lake Laogai instead. Special cameo: A house!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the summertime in Ba Sing Se, so why not go to the beach? Granted, this is a beach reserved for royalty and Dai Li torture (you didn't read that!), but it's still a beach.

Chapter Eighty-Nine:

“I love being the Empress” Her Imperial Majesty professed while picking her toes. She was picking her toes while we were in the back of a truck that was driving across a recently made bridge that crossed from the shores of Lake Laogai to Laogai Island. So recent, in fact, that the last time I saw the Lake from overhead, there was no bridge. Sure, I had one eye then. Sure, we were on a sky bison and off to go on a field trip of some kind. The point remains. By virtue of Toph being the Empress, or rather Toph having a title that grants her absolute total power over every single matter in the Empire, there are no ‘rules’ that she must abide by. If she wants to wake up when the Sun reaches its zenith, she will. If her Consort begs her to ‘please let’s go attend Court’, she doesn’t  _ have  _ to listen to him and can declare, instead, that ‘we need a vacation’. So, sure, I protested, citing that as monarchs,  _ well I’m a pillow, but I double as a monarch _ , we should really get to dealing with certain crises that may or may not exist. Like, for instance, the Fire Lord arriving...soon. This just happens to be something that I know about because I have an eye and can read letters. It didn’t matter. . Maybe,  _ maybe _ , I can talk to her and convince her to go to Court when the two of us are sharing a pillow and some blankets and she’s so tired - _ note, not tired, really happy because she likes the blankets _ \- that we can just...talk. Usually  _ I’m  _ the one who is all uptight and formal and she’s the one who’s like ‘Kyoshi, let’s just talk like people’. But since that doesn’t work, and the allure of sleep is too much, I fold when the opportunity arises. Usually. When the Empress asked that I join her on a trip to Laogai, I couldn’t say ‘no’. I kowtowed and agreed.

And that’s how I ended up on a trip to Lake Laogai. 

By the time we  _ got  _ to Lake Laogai, it was the evening. And it’s not like I saw the road we took or the bridge we crossed. Nope. There were probably lots of nice looking trees and hills and quaint villages and all that since the Agrarian Zone is huge. Didn’t see any of that. I was acting like a headrest for the Empress. And I think I was doing a good job acting. Part of the virtue of being the headrest is that I can’t really sit up since that would throw the Empress off my torso, or chest, or wherever. Unlike previous times, I  _ did  _ have the freedom to bring real clothes with me. And by I, I mean the attendants that pursued us in their own trucks. Not to be confused with the ostrich horse riding Imperial Guardsmen or the Dai Li who aren’t following us but also are because that one truck that’s like five trucks back is either driven by a man that doesn’t exist  _ or _ there’s a truck full of agents. Not that it mattered. Our very important truck came to a grinding halt  _ somewhere _ , only for the driver, not Wuhan, someone else who probably knows how to operate a moving vehicle, to go “We have arrived, Your Majesties!” in a formal declarative tone. This made the Empress jump up, accidentally headbutting a hole in the metal ceiling,  _ hey, you chose to rest on me, and I was resting on one of the seats of the truck _ . Before she could be bothered to have the truck face the consequences for it's actions,  _ namely, execution for the truck, don't ask how that would work _ , she kicked the door open and yelled about how great it was that she was ‘here!’. I peered out of the doorway with a Toph-shaped hole in it and... _ it’s dark. What am I supposed to look at, nothing?  _ But, but...being the Emperor that I am, I collected my Imperial Informal Robe,  _ not pants, I already have those on, see, see, I’m one step ahead _ , and departed the truck. 

The Empress took to running off into the darkness. Or...sand...skating.  _ Trying  _ to sand-skate, only to do a wonderfully choreographed cartwheel into the sand. Unless that wasn’t planned and she tripped.  _ If so, ow.  _ Not that I saw that. Everything was dark. There was a building to our left, two stories and made of... _ wood? Really? A wooden beach...hut?  _ It was a building with a lantern in each window because whoever the last person to use this structure was, they must’ve liked the idea of making their humble abode as imposing as possible.  _ Correction, the guards put the lanterns there before we arrived.  _ Save those lanterns and the torches spaced out one every twenty paces on the beach area in front of the beach...place, beach shack, the rest of the beach was desolate. And trying to look away from the beach, there were no lights on the opposite shore. Assuming we could  _ see  _ the opposite shore. Lake Laogai is the size of a sea, not a lake. But it gets the name ‘Lake’ because ‘Sea of Laogai’ sounds more imposing and befitting of something  _ outside  _ the walls of Ba Sing Se. Also, people are idiots and call things lakes that aren’t lakes. The West and East Lakes are the size of seas but they’re lakes. Anyways, back to strange naming conventions and similar oddities...

The Empress had lots of stored up energy. All that  _ sitting in a truck  _ while we drove over here really made her jumpy. Well...not jumpy. Jumping would mean she’d become blind and it’d be hard to land on sand, which she’s not the best at even under the most energetic of circumstances. If not jumpy... _ active?  _ Yeah, active. Now, me, I, the Emperor, was somewhat tired. I spent the better part of the noon before departure practicing with the  _ jian  _ and the bow, since ‘we’re going on vacation’ doesn’t excuse practicing with weapons. General Song is an excellent tutor and one of the few swordsmen who knows how to teach left-handed styles. Not that he's left-handed, he's just been around a while.

Anyways, I figured that martial training was something Toph respected and as such would be given clemency from participating in 'a vacation'. Right? I thought so, too, until the Empress knock-knock-crashed her way into my training room and suggested that I be  _ taken  _ with her for the vacation. Taken right then. Because, while I might’ve kowtowed in submission earlier, she had very important womanly business -boss around a bunch of men thrice her age until they metalbend properly while playing with Lord Qiangyang- to attend to. After she felt like she was done, she found me using her feet and grabbed me with her hands and prodded me with her fingers - _ I mean, it might’ve been more of ‘tickling’, but that’s not manly _ \- until I agreed to stop practicing and go with her. General Song varied between amusement, seeing his tall Kyoshian pupil in circumstances for which martial prowess meant nothing, and loyalty, kowtowing to his Empress despite his advanced age. She could have resolved this instantly with an order, but I think she has more fun, well, having fun. As she said while I was dragged -thank you, Captain Wuhan- to the waiting truck, “What good is being an Empress if you can’t have some fun all day every day?” Her point stood. Not like how  _ I  _ stood when she ordered the Captain to stop dragging me. I stood proud and tall, only to then be told to squeeze myself into a truck that, if I wasn’t careful, I’d bang my head on. I did. Many times. Which is why becoming a headrest was the better of the two between that and 'smash head into metallic roof for the next long period of time'.

Maybe I’m just fortunate, maybe I’ve seen - _ ha _ \- enough, but there’s something comical about sitting back on a beach chair, one of those beach chairs where your legs are higher up than your torso and you have headrests parallel to the ground, and watching a platoon of Imperial Guards  _ chase  _ after their Empress. Not because she was in ‘trouble’, but one of them was a lantern-pole carrier and the rest were just...guards. Guards assigned with following and protecting her. Guards who were expected to follow and protect her even if she went and ran circles or laps. They couldn’t run in front of her since they didn’t know where she was going. At best, you had the Captain and his brisk jog. At worst, you had a person who would get so tired they stopped running because they needed to take a breather. I was wiser than them all. An attendant served me a cup -in a  _ really, really  _ fancy goblet with earth coin motifs on it- of rice wine for every man who was exhausted by Toph and her seemingly limitless energy. For the record, it took ten cups of rice wine,  _ each one as flavorful as the last _ for the Empress to  _ kind of  _ consider calming down. And when she  _ did  _ calm down, it wasn’t the same way  _ other  _ people calm down. She ran towards me and my beach chair.

“Kyoshi, I’m  _ tired _ ” and she brought her hand, her sand-coated hand, from all the sand-coated activities she did, up to her mouth and yawned into it. I raised a metaphorical eyebrow. “And?”, forgetting the use of titles since the yawning Empress was too tired to ask for them. She took another couple steps until she practically loomed over me. “I’m going to go fall asleep.”  _ Okay then.  _ “Do you...need me to go prepare the bed?” and I gave one of the waiting attendants a glance. She gave a polite smile and quietly skittered inside to go do just that. “No, no, I found where I’m going to sleep” and she fell over. Except she didn’t fall over like someone hit by a projectile and... _ well why am I being so specific? _ . More accurately, she threw herself forward and stopped her fall with, well, who else? Me. Before I knew it, she was resting on my lap, her face pressed up against my chest.  _ I...okay then _ . “Don’t you want to go to sleep, you know,  _ in _ side?” and I pondered grabbing her and carrying her inside. Before my hands could even make the motions, she was all “I’m okay sleeping right here, thanks” and  _ really  _ tried to affirm her position by wrapping her hands around the back of my shoulders. The position looked uncomfortable, but the sighs of happiness seemed quite legitimate.  _ I’m the only person in the entire Empire who has to contemplate what a real sigh is. Why not just...you know, enjoy that the Empress is both exhausted and sleeping on your lap? Nah, that's for the poets to write about.  _

“Come on, I’ll take you to bed” and I  _ tried  _ to remove her hands from my shoulders. Why? “Can’t one of you Imperial Guards carry her?” but when I looked around, everyone except the Captain was sitting down, trying to catch their breaths.  _ Right, right, of course _ . “I guess it’s up to me” I said, out loud, while also thinking the same. As my hands were free, I was free to try and verify if she was asleep or not. So I ran my hand down to her neck,  _ if you’re awake, I know that this will wake you up _ . Ignoring the whole ‘how did she get sand there, and why?’ question, I concluded that “Right, I  _ think  _ my Empress is asleep. For real.” Which meant it was time for…’Carrying the Empress to Bed: Beach Edition.” A daunting task for a daunting man.  _ Or that’s what Sukes would say _ . Speaking  _ of  _ my esteemed cousin, “You know, if she  _ saw  _ you trying to figure out how to pick her up-” but I cut my cousin off with a challenge. “Oh?  _ You  _ want to try and pick someone up while you’re lying back on a chair? Come on over and try to do it, yourself!” She then forcefully yawned, “Can’t. I’m too tired. All that time I spent with the Prince-”  _ No. I don’t want to know _ . “Enough!” I yelled. “I get it, you  _ know  _ how to get me to back off.” Her smile was probably visible all the way over in Caldera. Once she was satisfied with my humiliation, she walked over to me and knelt down. She put her hands on the sand while looking at the slumped truly out-of-it Empress. “I’ll take the legs, you the head?” she asked, thoughtfully. “Got it. Just remember, please be careful where you touch-” but I was cut off by her snickering and saying “Her Imperial Majesty would recommend otherwise.” One palm-meet-face moment later,  _ because Sukes went to the School of Sibling Rivalry and was the best in the 'How to Humiliate Your Sibling' class _ , Suki pulled Toph off of me so I could get up. The Empress’s feet became further coated with sand while Suki held her shoulders with thought and care. I got up and after a little bit of trying to figure out how to both toss an Empress over and toss an Empress over in such a way that we could make it work, I grabbed and held her while Suki knelt, took her feet, and before we knew it...objective completed! We had the Empress in our hands.  _ No, don’t take that the wrong way _ . We carried the Empress across the about ten or twenty feet,  _ it’s dark, what can I say? _ , to the door of the beach...residence, where a waiting courtier had opened the door for us. The whole time, Suki was instructing me on making a ‘left’ or ‘right’ or ‘slow down, wall ahead’. Why her and not I? Well for one, we just happened to have it end up like this. For two, she has two eyes and I have one. Two eyes wins. Once we were inside, I kept backing up until a courtier informed me that I “have reached the wall, Your Majesty”.  _ Very well put _ . With one hand, I held the Empress up. With the other, I pulled the blanket,  _ thank you for making it just for me to unmake it _ , off and knelt. The two of us gracefully placed the Empress, headfirst, onto the bed. 

Then we quietly,  _ quietly _ , cheered. “You’re pretty good at this!” “No, Sukes, you’re the best at this!” “I know” and she smiled. “We make a great team!” “No-” she stretched the ‘no’ out, “-you think?” I nodded a bunch. “I do think!” “Good. Thinking is good.” Then, she opted to ask “Do you need a good night hug?” I refrained from laughter for my Empress’s sake. Despite this, I countered with “What am I, ten?” “Yes.”  _ If you say so _ . One good night hug later, the two of us departed for separate arrangements. And by departed, I mean I walked a couple feet around to the other side of the bed and got in. The cool summer air blew in in a very soft breeze from the west. The perfect direction for us. I ordered the door left open,  _ like anyone’s actually stupid enough to try and assassinate the two Imperials on their own private island _ and took to enjoying the fresh darkness since the lanterns were put out. In all this darkness, my attempt to help Toph onto a more...acceptable pillow...was met with her stirring awake.

“Hm, Kyoshi?” and she rolled out of my hands. I looked at nothing, only a faint silhouette to distinguish the figure. That said, I still managed to work my hand over to  _ kind of  _ find her head. “Yes?” I responded, quietly. “Where am I?” and her question made me realize that I, well,  _ we _ , were resting on a bed. Which means she’s blind. “Suki and I thought to carry you inside. Before you challenge her to an Agni Kai or Lei Tai or Earth Rumble, know that it was  _ my  _ idea.” The figure rose. Now, Toph was somewhat visible since she contrasted with the light from a hidden lantern that hung outside the door and just to the left. She took her hair bracelet and tossed it off the bed. I heard a light  _ tap  _ as it hit onto the wooden floorboards. This let her hair go, flowing down to almost her elbows. “Where’s your face, Kyoshi?” and she took her hands and swung them around in nothing. I took a hand and found hers and pulled said hand down until she could feel my chin.  _ There, you’ve got my face _ . I  _ sensed  _ her oncoming ‘I’m going to enjoy this’ just from her hands. That, or I’ve known her long enough to know that she  _ never  _ asks about my face save one of two options: My face was busted up in some genius attack plan  _ or  _ she wants to punch something that isn’t my face. Which is why I was  _ totally  _ unprepared for her hammerfist to collide with my chest.  _ That’s not my shoulder. Also, why am I unprepared? Also also,  _ “Ow! That...really hurt!”  _ Don’t you laugh _ . She ignored my unhearable inner thoughts to laugh at my fake pain. Then she fell for the second time this night, landing on my chest and practically  _ begging  _ to do the arms-wrap-around-me-thing. She didn’t need to request it, all I had to do was lift myself  _ using the power of nonbending wrists! Yes! _ , to then have her wrap her hands around me at different points and have her face crash into my chest. A few murmurs of happiness later and she was  _ out _ . I, again, felt her neck, and concluded that while  _ I  _ would probably boil tonight,  _ she  _ was cold or cool or not-as-warm-as-me. So I pulled the blanket over the two of us, checked again that she was  _ slowly _ warming up, and closed my good eye. All the cricket-grasshoppers -all five of them- making their iconic noises were a wonderful backdrop to what was otherwise an absolutely quaint night on a beach...bedroom-with-amenities.

Why,  _ why, oh why _ , did I think I was going to wake up to quiet, some peace, and maybe something simple? I’m sleeping  _ with  _ the Empress,  _ no Pu-On Tim, don’t you dare, don't you dare _ , so that means there won’t be any quiet. I’m living  _ in  _ the Empire, so there’s no reason for peace. And simplicity? I’ve never met someone so flamboyantly casual or arrogantly humble. The woman who wears dirty wrestling clothes and albeit quite nice simple sleepwear, if an off-green camisole and dark green short shorts is simple...that same woman will happily rest on a bed that costs more than all the other beds in the Agrarian Zone combined. Not that I fault her, but she’s the Empress and also pretending not to be the Empress while enjoying all the traits, the perks, of  _ being  _ the Empress but not  _ all  _ the perks since she still uses me as a pillow when she could easily have many more options for pillows. With this in mind, I did get ‘simplicity’, ironically, but did  _ not  _ get the other two. Well...there is no war in the Agrarian Zone, not yet at least. She probably whispered ‘Kyoshi’ a dozen times before it hit me.

I wasn’t being called that while in a dream.  _ So that’s why I heard Toph’s voice despite doing a backflip in a biplane. And why, exactly, was the former Fire Lord, the guy who really should’ve learned how to keep his head on his neck, not wearing pants? I don’t remember Wulong going down with me dropping a bomb on the Fire Lord and turning him into the Lord of a Thousand Pieces. And finally, since when could biplanes do such great backflips? Wouldn’t it be a loop, not ‘pull back on the ball hard enough and your aircraft will rotate over itself as many times as you want until you’re done’.  _ Whatever Toph’s intentions were,  _ I can only guess _ , she  _ really  _ really wanted to reach that end. I was truly awoken from the realm of dreams and pantless Fire Lords - _ now that’s a good chapter title, write it down, self! _ \- by my body being shook. Intensely shook. I opened my good eye and was greeted with a bundle of bed hair and a voice to match it’s  _ too-early-for-this  _ splendor.

“I want to go listen to the Kuai ball game! I want a Kuai ball game!”  _ I’m very sorry, what?  _ I counter-grabbed Toph while forcing myself to sit up.  _ Right, why are you sitting on my torso?  _ “Why are you sitting on my torso? If you wanted to wake me up, why not try  _ not  _ sitting on me, at all, so I can get up?” “But they’re about to play a Kuai ball game!” the Empress responded in a somewhat whine. I can't call it a whine because she's the Empress, but it was very much akin to a whine.  _ Also, what game? Who's playing? Why now? When is ‘now?’  _ I then learned that ‘now’ was then, not long after dawn. The timidly calm lake was just,  _ just _ being bathed in the orange glow of the new morning. Since she  _ looked  _ sweaty, I took my hand, parted as much of her hair as humanly possible, and felt her forehead.  _ You’re...really sweaty. Why? How?  _ “Why are you sweating so much?” I asked,  _ still  _ ignoring her question. “ _ Someone  _ had the bright idea to put a blanket over me and I spent all night next to Your Imperial Sweatiness”  _ That’s not my name. You can’t just...well you can invent titles, but that’s...no. Please don’t tell me someone with ink and parchment heard that.  _ “Are you accusing  _ me  _ of sweating too much?” and then I felt  _ my  _ forehead and... _ okay, fine. You win that one.  _ “Yes. I am” and she crossed her arms.  _ Again. You win _ . “But...you were also sweating.” I countered. "Yes, because-” and she threw her hands into the air to try and do the visual-expressive thing, “- _ it’s really warm out _ ! What is this, the Hot Lands?”  _ I assume you mean the Fire Nation? Or do we just...you know what, nevermind _ . “Does it matter who sweated on who or what or why?” I inquired. As I should've expected, I got a Toph response. “No. Because sweat’s nice. It’s sweat. How can you  _ not  _ like sweat?” and she went and wiped  _ my  _ sweat off on the blanket that we were using. “I...I don’t know, I thought maybe you were having a fever or something.”  _ What am I, an Imperial Infirmary Aide? I have no clue if you’re sweating because of something benign or malicious. I can’t even tell distance! Why would I know the difference?  _ “I wasn’t having a fever!” she declared loudly before blowing on her bed-head hair to try and make it go elsewhere. I felt that the right thing to do was apologize. “Sorry for the stressed effort. I  _ do  _ care.” She pulled herself off my torso, and the bed, and got up. But not before  _ one  _ shoulder jab. That could’ve been a ‘thank you’ for a multitude of reasons from ‘you have really nice sweat because I’m into the aroma of spruce moss’ to ‘I like pillows’ and I knew that whatever I asked she’d deny. So I let the talking point end there. 

Between me and me, I  _ know _ she appreciated the blanket. But she's also the Empress, and as I've said in the past, the moment the Empress becomes soft enough to start thanking me for throwing a blanket over her, that means she's  _ really  _ out of it. Out of it in the 'glass in foot' sense, not tired. 

The Empress requested two things in the following order: “I need some privacy to change” and “Do you have anything I could change into that you think would be appropriate for a calm summer morning on a beach?” Instinctively, I pointed at what I assumed was a clothing cabinet, and instinctively, I responded with “What do you have in mind? I’m the walking Imperial Encyclopedia, not the walking Imperial Clothing Registry.” “I don’t know. You can tell colors. I’m busy pretending to be blind.”  _ But...you’re on wood. So you are blind. Are...are you going to do the hand-wave-face thing to counter yourself? Why am I asking? _ With a swift motion, my legs were off the bed and I could stand up. “Isn’t your wrestler garb enough?” “Nah. This is a  _ vacation _ . I should wear  _ vacation  _ clothes!”  _ This is a vacation? No it isn’t. We’re just...actually no wait, you claimed this is a vacation. I guess we should be vacationing.  _ I walked over to my Empress and her staring contest with a doorway. “You’re going to make me go search for clothes now, aren’t you?” She felt for the doorknob and opened it. “Lead the way, Kyoshi.”  _ Lead the way where? Why? How? _

I’m not going to embarrass myself beyond need and state that I spent  _ far  _ too long browsing an entire room full of hanging clothes that were...brought here...at some point… Or the two attendants who were quite passionate about fashion styles ‘that fit an Empress’. I wasn’t there to find clothes that were fitting for an Empress, I was there to find clothes that were fitting,  _ not too fitting,  _ for Toph. I had so,  _ so  _ many options of colorful, flavorful, flower-scented clothes. And lots of these were...red.  _ Red _ . I figured that,  _ why not _ , the Fire Nation probably has better sand-wear.  _ Sand-wear? Really?  _ I can’t use the word ‘swimwear’ because Toph’s not a swimmer.

After slightly more examining of clothes, I yelled in agony as “This is too much for me!” to which the wall called back “So the  _ Emperor  _ has found his match!”  _ Yes, Toph. I’ve found my match _ . “But it’s not too much for-” and I made sure to be really loud, “-Suki!”. Exactly one run later, Suki hopped in through the window.  _ Why the window? Why not? She didn’t train from the age of six on for nothing _ . “Sukes, you’re a master of stealth and an elite warrior, and I  _ think  _ you have a sense of fashion taste.” “Those are all correct.” I had to disappointingly, in tone, request “Please pick something for my betrothed, she who refuses-to-dress-sensibly.” She gave a quick heel-spin, taking in the entire room in one take, before prancing over to a far corner and pulling the kind of garb that a commoner might wear out. It was red. And it had a slightly darker-red sash-thing to tie the top and bottom parts together.  _ And now I know why I’m awful at picking.  _ I gave Suki the world’s softest  _ shove _ to get  _ out  _ so she’d present the clothes to Toph and we’d get to...whatever we were doing. Somewhere outside, a bunch of men were yelling something about serving and balls. Kuaiballs? Earthballs?  _ I have no idea.  _ Suki took the opportunity to present the clothes to Toph who, for once, didn’t make  _ me  _ suffer the half-humiliation half-compliment of “I think that looks perfect!” This time, I could giggle from an unforeseen room. Then be dragged out myself by Suki because Toph chose this room as where she was going to change into this random piece of clothing that Suki quite literally pulled out of a dusty corner somewhere. 

While we waited for her to learn how to put on pants,  _ it’s okay, Toph, I’m still fighting that war _ , I asked “How did you know?” to which Suki playfully shoved me,  _ I guess that’s pay for earlier _ , and responded with “It’s a woman thing. Also because  _ most  _ of those clothes were for brothel-maids or...ahem,  _ lover’s robes _ .”  _ Lover’s...wait no, no wait, I remember that _ . She knew my shocked face was coming and she laughed at it all the same. “Why would there be so many ‘lover’s robes?’ We’re on vacation.”  _ Stop giggling. You’re not...well you.  _ She calmed down. A bit. “Well...if you attended  _ half  _ the classes you were supposed to, you’d learn that vacations are where-” I cut her off because I didn’t want or need to hear it.  _ I get it, Pu-On Tim has taught you that vacations are where people do things that have nothing to do with the beach. And because the fans demand that they see their heroes and heroines in easy-to-remove hides-nothing clothes, beach-wear is the best choice. Because fans want 'realism' but also want characters that spent the entire time together learning to multiply. Also because the actresses tend to be the perfect-physique type that late-twenties people achieve. And I guess the fans like seeing that? Who needs a story, right? _

Back to reality, “Yes, but this is Toph,  _ Empress  _ Toph.” Suki either didn’t get it or got it, too much. “What are you going to do, execute all the people who chose to have those clothes be put there?” I eyed my scabbard hanging on the wall next to my bed. “It’s a possibility. I’m not interested in ‘lover’s robes’ or the associated loving of robes.” She gestured to my clothes and stated “But you love your robes.”  _ You...you can’t just take my words and use them against me. That’s not fair.  _ “Yes...I do…”  _ Why must I feel like I need to go regain my honor with a military campaign?  _ “As I said-” and she put her hands on her hips because she’s  _ going to boss me around, right, Katara? _ , “-vacations are the perfect place for-”  _ I’m going to just cut you off and make up my own conclusion to this _ , “-Pu-On Tim and or his writers to spy on us since we’re dressed exactly the same as the rest of the time but since water binds to skin like-” “-Sokka to me-”  _ great, great, now I need a whiskey because of your deliberately-messing-with-me statement,  _ “-like sweat to not-sweat, Pu-On Tim would logically take that to then use for his vile purposes.” She gave me a lightheartedly casual response of “Vile? He’s just writing a parody” before changing her tone to be more serious, or normal,  _ pick one _ , and “I agree.” Our discussion was concluded or, better said, framed, with Toph emerging dressed exactly as I’d imagine she’d be dressed. Wearing the clothes that -I can blame- Suki picked out for her. It was far from what most would consider ‘swimwear’ but it was also far more...normal, than the ‘lover’s robes’ and other such peculiarities that plague that one closet. I don’t study clothing, I’m too busy leading military campaigns to save all the men,  _ it’s usually men for some reason _ , and their clothing designs from the fate of a hundred thousand  _ daofei _ .  _ Wait, that's wrong. This is Fire Nation. I’m too busy leading the military campaign to persecute them.  _

Before I could ponder if I raided any artist’s shops while in Caldera, Toph grabbed me and my Informal Robes and, in commanding tone, ordered me to “Go find something that someone with eyes would call swimwear.  _ Now _ .” Suki gave me a very ‘glad it’s you and not me’ look while  _ she  _ was dressed in her off-duty kimono-tunic piece so  _ who’s the real informal one? Still me.  _ Unlike the Empress, to whom trying to find the right clothing is a matter of finding something that...well doesn’t break any of Kyoshi’s Ethics while also being something she might like,  _ and that’s why I conscripted my cousin _ , it’s not that hard to choose for myself.  _ Not that Toph cares how I dress.  _ Except...of course, when it  _ is _ because “Why is everything in here ‘lover’s robes?’ Why would I wear silk at a beach? Why would I wear pants that are one sash tug away from no longer being pants while also being far too tight to be normal pants?” The two attendants  _ calmly  _ told me the many, many, many benefits to such clothing while using the kind of words that make me  _ really  _ need a whiskey. My comprehension of their statements? “Listen, my ladies, I know the Consort is, well, a Consort, and I’m reminded once a day that I am the Consort,  _ thank you for all the clothes to remind me of that _ , but you’re disgusting.” Then I found the  _ one  _ piece of clothing in the room that, well, of the clothes that I could see, that was something I wouldn’t feel really uncomfortable wearing. It takes less time than one may think to remove pants and put on new pants. It’s not because I’ve been training, no it’s just...they don’t call the clothes ‘informal’ for nothing.  _ Unlike the Imperial Wintertime Robes which have more layers than I can count.  _ When I finally exited,  _ thank you attendants for not watching me change _ , Suki said nothing. She pointed at the doorway and I followed her hand’s instructions.  _ I don’t even need to be told. I’ll just go where you point _ . Outside…

On one side, six men dressed in gold-and-green Imperial Armor. Their plumes flew valiantly in the breeze. One man’s plume flew  _ extra  _ proudly as he hopped up to  _ serve  _ the kuai ball back over to the  _ other  _ team. Six... _ no. No. Come on. _ Six secret shadow men of the  _ Dai Li _ . So they’re singers, they’re dancers, they’re assassins, and  _ they can play kuai ball?  _ Of course they can. The Empire: We are overall quite incompetent but where we  _ are  _ competent, also known as where we pour our resources, we are quite decent. Especially when an organization is self-filtering for competency. A net was in the middle, the boundary between gold and black, or green and a different shade of green, or one powerful arm of the Badgermole Throne and the  _ other  _ powerful arm of the Badgermole Throne.

“Hit it, Qi!” one of these Dai Li agents barked to one of the other agents. So this man, I’m guessing his name is Qi, slapped that ball so hard it decided to become an aircraft. Then it fell back down upon the sandy beach. But not before one of the Imperial Guardsmen, someone named Liang,  _ thank you, screaming Imperial Guardsman _ , punched the ball back over the net. I can’t do this justice. Six versus six. I learned their names and ranks after interrupting a match. Trust me, the conversations were far too boring. For the Dai Li: Agents Qi, Jianan, Hui, Da, Zhi-He and Jiong. For the Imperial Guard: Hsu-wu, Tai-chen, Shuang, Yu-han,  _ Yun _ -han, and finally someone named Liu, but twice. Why Liu Liu is named Liu Liu is beyond me. But he’s Liu Liu, er, Liu-Liu of the line of Liu, the Captain of the Imperial Guard’s official team: The Imperial Metalbending Guard Club... _ Club? Club? Like a fanclub club? Also, no cool name like ‘the Badgermole Throne Bashers' or something really stupid like that? Do you guys take yourselves that seriously?  _ As for the Dai Li, Team Captain Hui’s Expeditionary Kuai Ball Corps,  _ now that’s a name _ . 

For reference, this was a match between The Imperial Metalbending Guard Club and the Expeditionary Kuai Ball Corps.

On a less boring note, I asked the relaxing Hui “You’re telling me that the Dai Li that just  _ happened  _ to come with us were part of their...I mean  _ your _ ...Kuai ball organization?” “Indeed, Your Majesty. We were assigned to such since we  _ were  _ going to the Imperial Laogai Beachhouse, Your Majesty. Why  _ not  _ have the best of the Dai Li come along for training purposes?” I looked at the Imperial Guard Captain, no not Wuhan, the  _ other  _ Imperial Guard ‘Captain’, but Liu of the Lius didn’t have anything to say. I can understand the Imperial Guard being weird enough to have their own... _ hold on I need a whiskey for this _ … Kuai ball organization. They  _ do  _ spend most of the time wandering around the Palace Grounds or wherever they’re patrolling and not that many people are smart enough to invade the Imperial Palace. Of course, this  _ would  _ explain their incompetence  _ that one time _ with the Avatar. The dragon is forgivable, it's hard to prepare against an enemy that didn't exist a half-a-day earlier. But I wasn’t going to bring either up. Back to the relaxed Dai Li agent, “ _ Training purposes?  _ What kind of training do you need  _ this _ -” and I pointed at the net, “-for?” I then glanced at the Empress over  _ there  _ down the beach, practicing her sandbending. “We have league games coming up.”  _ League games? What?  _ “You’re…” I fell to my knees. “You’re the  _ Dai Li _ . What  _ ‘League Games’ _ ? Aren’t you supposed to be ‘the defenders of Ba Sing Se?’” The Dai Li agent didn’t take much care for my outburst of  _ what am I living through _ , instead opting to toss a Kuai ball backwards at one of his companions, who then went out to the pitch to practice. After this goal was completed, the agent resumed conversation with me. “We compete against a bunch of Home Guard and Army of the Center teams. Once in a while, if a civilian team happens to be good enough, we’ll fight them, too.” This inspired a question of mine. Since, these  _ are  _ Dai Li, and most civilians don’t interact with the Dai Li and... _ this is all a bit too much for my feeble mind _ . “So...do you just beat up all the other teams?” For one of the first times in...ever, I heard a gaggle of Dai Li  _ laugh _ . I must say, their laughs aren’t warm or soft or fun. Their laughs are harsh and serious and somewhat scary. Exactly what I should expect from such harsh, serious, attempting-to-be-scary people. They laughed. And laughed. Until the Captain raised his fist and they went silent. “Forgive them, Your Majesty. We don’t  _ beat them up _ . We  _ crush  _ them under the boot of our superiority!” and the other five men cheered.  _ You’re all insane _ . This all said, I was curious for more. “So it’s just six people?” The other five agents resumed watching one of the five serve the ball. The Captain got up from his sandstone seat. “No, there’s twenty-four to a club or team, but in case some of the members have unfortunate accidents, we have reserves to swap in.” “Unfortunate accidents?” “Why of course, Your Majesty. We never know when we’ll suddenly discover a traitor.”  _ That’s...why does this not surprise me?  _ He turned around to address his men. “We must always be on the lookout for traitors, right, agents?” and the agents cheered. 

The team of Imperial Guards, on the other hands, stuck their heads in their hands. I strolled over to them and  _ their  _ Captain. Their Captain stood and kowtowed to me, waiting until I gave him permission to rise again. “Why you feeling down, Liu the Liu of the Lius?” and I gave him a pat on the back. “We’re fighting a bunch of fruit pies, Your Majesty.” I turned around and watched one of the Dai Li agents use his rock glove to send the Kuai ball into the clouds while the others danced around him metaphorically then literally. Turning back to Liu, “What makes you say that?” I asked with the inspiration of the not-so-far away Toph. “We’re fighting people who can...well, does Your Majesty  _ see  _ that?” and he barely had the strength to point at the Dai Li agent using his rock glove to spike the ball from a hundred feet up. I looked back at the Captain and, again, inspired by Toph, waved a hand in front of my eye. “No, Captain, I don’t.” He made the squealing pig-chicken noise, so I gave him some reassuring pats on the back. “It’s alright, man three times my age, it’s alright.  _ Nobody  _ can beat the Dai Li.” Because the Spirits  _ really  _ hate me, their new challengers came front-flipping out of the Imperial Laogai Beachhouse and Possibly Also a Palace. 

“Girls! Form up!”  _ no. Not you, Sukes.  _ With her were five other girls, all wearing their kimono-tunics instead of the Kyoshi Warrior armor. Their hair was still done up in headresses. Suki did lots of pointing at things and her squad, the women she’d been training with since childhood, jogged over to us and in the most literal sense, relieved the Imperial Guards of their fighting. “Sukes! You’re fighting earthbenders! You’re  _ probably  _ going to lose and I say this as a fan!” But Suki had a different face on. She had that competitive face, the same kind of face that would cause her to accept all dares. The same kind of face that ‘didn’t care if’ she ‘couldn’t fly an airship’, she’d ‘try anyways’. The same kind of face that we all believe our glorious ancestor had. _ Well, fuller cheeks, but the point stands _ . This was the blood of Kyoshi and she  _ was  _ in the mood to rule the sands. And when  _ that  _ Suki showed up to the sands...I took the nearest Imperial Guard and whispered “You might want to get out of here before things get bloodier than...something bloody.” This one Imperial Guard, Shuang, followed my advice. As did the rest of the Imperial Guards. The  _ real  _ Imperial Guards, well, the ones that were present to do their bodyguard duties,  _ they  _ were over near the Empress. But these Imperial Guards could be ordered to go “get some drinks, kick back, and watch my cousin and her girlfriends kick the Dai Li into Lake Laogai.” I had no idea if these women had ever  _ played  _ Kuai ball before. I’m sure all the time they spent in Ba Sing Se, they picked it up  _ somehow _ . Because...it’s a team sport and what are the Warriors of Kyoshi if not a team?  _ Well, a bunch of raving fangirls who adore good singers and love their Emperor in a best friend kind of way. _

The Kyoshi Warrior Captain taunted her opposition, sticking her tongue out. “You guys ready for a bunch of _ girls  _ to beat you up?” “No” one of those agents said. Then he was condoned by his peers. Their Captain replied, pointing at him and yelling “He said… ‘no! We are going to  _ crush  _ you,’ you… young women!” The young women giggled.  _ What in Kyoshi am I getting into? _ I walked up to the net and looked from side to side. “As long as nobody hits me in the face, just...try not to kill each other!” The two sides brought their hands up to bow to the opposite team and bow -for the Dai Li- and kowtow -for the Warriors- to me. Then someone whose job it was, was to punch the ball asked me “Would Your Majesty like to throw the ball?” and because I don’t know how to  _ ever  _ say no, I swiped the ball from his rock glove hands while his other half gave me a nod of approval. I then took the ball and  _ super powerful punch, winding up! Super powerful punch, wound up! Swing, swing, swing, hit!  _ And the ball...went into the air. As balls tend to do. Then it landed somewhere else entirely, off to the left of the Dai Li area. Someone’s voice, somewhere, yelled “Right, Lee, why did you give the ball to His Imperial Majesty, a man who lacks hand-eye coordination?” Then the man who I assume is Lee said “I’m sorry, the ball was sabotaged by traitors!” and at that signal, for reasons beyond my comprehension, the Captain of the Dai Li team grabbed the ball with a rock glove and  _ tossed  _ it into the Lake.  _ Also, no coordination? Have none of you ever seen my archery? I adapted well to missing an eye and having burn scars in places burn scars shouldn't be _ . Then someone  _ else  _ yelled “But that was the only ball!”  _ Oh for the sake of Her Imperial Majesty.  _ I crossed the field, directing my yelling towards my cousin. “I’ll get it!” “You sure you don’t want me to?” my cousin asked,  _ also  _ running towards the water’s edge. Suki’s words of wisdom? “Remember! Doing this requires the removal of your robes!”  _ Why, though?  _ But I didn’t really care about listening. Or rather, debating. So I took the top part of my robe off and tossed it to the sands. _ All the Hayashi fangirls, rejoice! Your Emperor's going swimming! _ I took my legs and  _ charged  _ into the water. This would be the first time I enjoyed such in what must’ve been forever. The first time I got to go swimming in a long, long time.  _ And I’d be doing it without a shirt, too. For extra effect. All because Suki told me too as a joke _ .

I didn’t need two eyes to spot the Kuai ball. It was a hundred, maybe a hundred fifty, maybe more, feet out in the Lake. And the lake had either no tides or low tides. No apparent rip current.  _ And if there is, I’m about to learn of its existence _ . My pants were extra-tied on. I hit the water and,  _ ahh, the feeling. How I miss it _ . Mild-temperature water running up my legs, then my torso, until I could kick up and break into a forward crawl. And crawl I did. No salty water to make my skin tingle. No worry about giant sea monsters rising from the depths to eat me. Just me and that ball. The ball that was the size of someone’s head, which was good. That was a good way of figuring out how far it was.  _ Just pretend you’re going to go rescue someone who's drowning. And that’s their head.  _ I’m not nearly as fast as my cousin, but  _ nobody,  _ living, that is, can combat the harsh Kyoshi Straits like me.  _ Which is why I’m charging forward in a calm, relaxed lake.  _ One arm motion after another, my head rising at alternating points. An assessment of how far out I was going and an assessment of how far I had to go. A hundred feet.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ One, two, three, breath _ . Ninety.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ One, two, three, breath _ . Eighty.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ One, two, three, breath _ . Seventy. I stopped to allow myself to get a bearing of my surroundings. One downside of only having one eye, it’s hard to see anything to the right so if I want to look  _ back  _ I have to mimic an airbending move, turning myself around with my legs. Which is fine. Back on the beach, the Kyoshi Warriors were cheering me on. The Dai Li were just pretending to be statues. And one of the gold-and-greens informed the Empress. Obviously, she couldn’t look at me, but she  _ could  _ sit back on a sandstone chair and cheer me on. Lots of double-fit-punching-air “Go Kyoshi!” kind of stuff. Much appreciated, in fact. I turned  _ back  _ around. The ball was still there. Because...current, what current? There’s no current within these walls. Sixty.  _ One, two, three, breath. One, two, three, breath _ . Fifty.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ One, two, three, breath _ . Forty.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ One, two, three, breath _ . Thirty.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ One, two, three, breath _ . Twenty.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ Yup. My prediction was right. One, two, three, breath.  _ Ten.  _ One, two, three, breath _ .  _ One, two, three-  _ and... _ bop _ . Head, meet, ball. Ball, meet your new owner. After headbutting it another couple feet, it was the matter of swimming to the side,  _ One, breath, two, breath _ and around the ball to finally swipe it up. Now the  _ fun  _ part.  _ Where do I shove you?  _ The answer, nowhere. A ball doesn’t have limbs. It’s a ball.  _ However...tree man, use your tree powers! If...I keep fist-bopping the ball forward, eventually it will reach the shore since there’s no current.  _ So I tried that.

Normally, at least according to Pu-On Tim, when the character is returning from the objective, there’s always some kind of roadblock. Like a giant sea monster. Or war. But since the Spirits have decided I have enough  _ actual  _ blocks in my life,  _ ahem, no offense Toph, but we’re supposed to be at Court now _ , they didn’t send some kind of sea monster from the sky above to penalize me for swimming. That, and of course, we're in the middle of a lake that has already been screened for lacking any monsters save the night-terrors also known as assassins, commonly called the Dai Li. As such, there's absolutely no reason that I'd encounter a roadblock on the way back to the beach.  _ Just because it makes thematic sense, Pu-On Tim, doesn't mean it has anything to do with reality. But you know that, that's why your characters have victory oogies, but not in a logical capacity. Instead, it's incremental oogies to tease the audience on. _ As I neared the coast, my companion’s cheers grew louder and louder until I saw the sandy lakebed beneath me and looked up and was  _ back _ . No heroic return celebration beyond Suki helping me out of the water. The Warriors took the ball and one of them tossed it some thirty feet, easy, over to the server man. Toph would’ve given me a shoulder punch but she was busy building something with the power of sandbending. A tower? A model tower? Who cares.  _ I care.  _

_ Hmm. Do I watch the two halves of Kyoshi’s ethics do something with symbolism, or the Empress building a sandcastle with sandbending while getting a tan except she isn’t because one of the Imperial Guards brought a parasol along to protect her from sunburns because sunburns are annoying? Kuai ball it is.  _ With my advantage point over by the beach house, I could watch the two teams face off. The server, a new one, the old one had to go to sleep or something because he ‘was tired’ despite not sounding tired, served the Kuai ball right down the middle of the net. To my surprise, one of our Warriors slapped that ball out of the air. An agent in the back line hit it back up, arcing over the net and coming back down towards the Warriors. Suki jumped up and  _ kicked  _ the ball into the middle of the... _ I almost said ‘enemy’, no, this isn’t a battle, it’s just a duel between two warrior organizations and it’s not a duel duel it’s a contest of who can get more points _ ...Dai Li lines. And the ball struck the sand. I stood up and yelled “Go Team Kyoshi!” only for both sides to glare at me. “I mean…” and I threw my hands back at the sky, “Go Team Kyoshi Islanders!” The Islanders all gave a single hop of self-applause before both sides reforged their lines. Ball? Served. Dai Li hit it first. Islanders passed backwards to the back line. Back line hit it like an arrow. Crossed net, front middle man of the Dai Li  _ smashed  _ the ball with an underhanded rock glove, making it pretend to be an artillery shell before descending back down. Islanders converged on the ball. Passed back and left. Suki hit it over and it scores a point in the back middle of the Dai Li. One victory hop. The two teams huddle together in their own deranged capacities. The Islanders with a group hug and the Dai Li agents with six guys in a circle showcasing no emotion while also not even moving their lips to speak. The two teams reformed. Ball was served. Dai Li back right hit it. Islander front right passed left. Front middle passed back to Suki. Suki, again, hit it over. This time, the Dai Li prepared. An agent waited in the exact spot that Suki was aiming at and he easily set it back to his allies. Front left Dai Li agent tried to spike the ball like he was some kind of warhammer. The tactic worked. Two to one. Ball served. Dai Li back right hit it to the Islanders. Islanders passed to  _ their  _ back right. Back right missed, hit the net instead. Two to two. Toph stopped to feel the ground and, I guess, listened to the motions of the players. Ball was served. The Dai Li passed to the back middle. Back middle set it to the Islander center. Two Islanders try to go after one ball, crashing into each other instead. Three to two in favor of the Dai Li. Ball is served. Hit to the Islanders. Suki’s still at the back left but the midsection was reforged with slightly more space between the front and back players. Passed to Islander front middle. Front middle sends it like an arrow. Back middle of the Dai Li, barely moving, sends it over to the back right of the Islanders. This time, the back middle Islander intercepted. Such a high pass to Suki that she could jump up and round-house kick it into the Dai Li right section. It was so close to the edge of the net that the referee, an unbiased Imperial Guard who had the eyes to watch all this, walked over to the sand and examined the disturbance. He pointed to the ball striking  _ just  _ inside the rough ‘boundary’. Suki and her squad victory hopped. Three to three. Ball is served. Back middle Dai Li one-shots the Islanders with it. He used some kind of absolutely insane precision to figure out that the space between Suki and the back middle Islander was contested by the two and as such, the ball passed between the two’s shoulders. Four to three for the Dai Li. The ball was served. Multiple passes, back middle Islander to front middle, front middle to front left, left hit it longways across to Dai Li front left who didn’t prepare for that eventuality. Four to four. Back left of the Dai Li hit it directly to Islanders. Islanders passed sideways and back to back middle. Back middle hit it over to Dai Li. Dai Li front middle passed to back right, back right agent appeared to be the main striker, he hit the ball over the net and gained another point for Dai Li. Five to four. The ball was served again. The Islanders received it, sent it backwards to Suki. Suki saw what I saw, aimed for the back left of Dai Li. Five to five. Served. Again. Dai Li passed it to back middle. Back middle to the back left. Back left over to the front right. Front right hammered it into Islander territory  _ but _ Suki and her ally were waiting. Front left passed it  _ right  _ over her head to Suki who then counter-slammed it with a knee of all things. A knee. Six to five for the Islanders. Another victory hop, well earned. The ball was served. Dai Li passed it to back left, then back left to front right, then front right to front left. Front left hits it directly to Islanders. Back right Islander  _ just  _ parried it over to front middle Islander, who as mentioned, was slightly spaced out from her companions. Front middle passed it to Suki and she uppercutted it. Not smart. The Dai Li received it. Their front middle hit it back, only for a tradeoff between Suki and their front middle and front right. When their front right hit it directly,  _ our  _ front left passed it sideways twice to our front right, who hit it over the net, catching the Dai Li’s left off-guard. Seven to five in favor of the Islanders. More cheering. And also Toph had  _ slowly  _ wandered over. She ended up not far from me, picking her nose with one hand while feeling the shifting sands with the other.  _ Quite serious business _ . Anyways, the ball was served. Dai Li get it from Islanders, they pass to their back left who passes to middle left who seemed to hit it randomly into the space between the two middle and two right players. Seven to six. The Islanders receive the next volley, front middle passed to front back who accidentally head-bopped it. That bop struck the net but before it fell, the front middle dived, sending it backwards with both her hands. It went back to the back middle, who this time passed it to Suki. Suki juggled it with herself before  _ punching  _ it into the Dai Li’s back left. Eight to six. The Dai Li received this one. Their back middle gave it to their back right, who tried to hit it to their front right but it  _ just  _ hit the net. Nine to six. The Islanders received the next volley. A strike from our back right to the Dai Li. The Dai Li front right learned and sent it sideways to their front middle. Their front middle hit it to our center. But  _ this  _ time, our back middle could bop it sideways to Suki. Suki hit it across but their back left saved it, passing it sideways to their back middle. Their back middle struck it, aiming for our weak right flank. Instead, our back middle, in a feat of agility, jumped up and sent it flying left. Our front left passed it backwards. Suki hit it forward. The Dai Li’s back right received it. He passed it to their back middle. Back middle sent it to the back right. Their back right sent it to us. And  _ our  _ front right  _ ducked _ , allowing Suki to perform a wonderful feat of athleticism. Sure, jumping two feet into the air isn’t much...for her. In one motion, she threatened to both be upskirted  _ and  _ spin around, bopping the ball into the very, very back of their line. And that was the tenth point. And the Dai Li could but tip their hats forward in shame while our side formed a hugging circle and...instead of flaunting Suki, they each took turns picking the others up and parading them around. And that...was but a  _ practice  _ game.  _ A practice game.  _ I can’t even imagine what the real deal would be.

But...the Empress was around. Which, well it could’ve meant a lot of things, but the moment she tugged my shoulder, I knew what she wanted. “You, Kyoshi, take some of your cousins-” I had to interrupt her to remind her that “They’re not my cousins,” she waved it off like an Avatar waving away responsibility. “-Whatever, and go play a round with them.” Was I going to say  _ no  _ to my Empress? Of course not. The game looked quite fun to  _ try _ . I gave Suki my nod of  _ I’ll try this _ and she had the team split in half. Her and two others versus three of us...and I. “I picked up most of the moves from watching you all” was what I claimed. So Toph of all people served the ball. And she missed. So someone with eyes served the ball. It flew into the sky only to be gently bopped by one of ours. One of theirs struck it back. I ran forward and underhand hit it back to them. It flew over to Suki, who underhanded it back to us. 

I should’ve foreseen,  _ ha _ , the consequences, of trying to check Suki's offensive. I should've known that I actually can't play Kuai Ball and that in terms of  _ this _ , I  _ do  _ lack hand-eye coordination.

Bang! The ball smacked me in the face. I fell over and yelled like a man who was just bopped in the face by a ball too soft to kill and too hard to not-injure.

On the bright side, the black eye only applies to my missing eye.

On the other bright side, I completely forgave Suki for that play by instinct,  _ she's my cousin and we'd be stupid like this back on Kyoshi Island, too _ and thus she avoided a possible execution for an assassination attempt on the Emperor. 

On the other other bright side, Toph joined me to sit next to me and have her head rest on my chest while her feet felt the continuation of the play interrupted by the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Toph and Mori visit some village in the Agrarian Zone. Special cameo: A friend of mine who loves the Dai Li. 
> 
> If you're reading this, thanks for reading this far in my writing! Do comment!
> 
> Is there anything encyclopedic about this chapter? (Searches mind) Probably not. Here's some less-encyclopedic notes, instead:  
> -The referenced Field Trip is from the chapter in Records titled, get this, 'Field Trip'. It's from a different time, one where my chapters didn't need to be 8000 words long, one where Mori's writing was simpler. And it's also one of if not my favorite chapter of Records (close tie with the chapter where Mori tries to kill Mayor Morishita and the finale).  
> -The Lake Laogai Royal Beachhouse is something only a couple fans of my writing will understand. If you're not one of those people, it's the place by which Crown Prince Chong-Shan hosted all his parties, political intrigue gaining, a few knighting ceremonies and even an Agni Kai (really. It didn't end well for him). I liked the set-piece so much, I thought to have it be rebuilt and become something that Mori and Toph encounter at some point.   
> -Within universe (aka my headcanon), the Royal Beachhouse is like the Imperial Summer Palace for the Earth Kings. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summer_Palace). That's how I explain it, and if I'm already going to base so much of this writing on the Qing Dynasty, might as well go with the Palace, too.  
> -The beach chair Mori's sitting in is this: ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adirondack_chair ). It's not Chinese, sure, but neither is any of the beach equipment we see in 'The Beach', so I figured I'd give it a pass.   
> -Mori keeps calling the Beachhouse things other than Beachhouse until the Dai Li tell him of the official name. This is deliberate and part of how much time I (waste) trying to keep Mori's thoughts within character. He doesn't know everything, so why would he know the place's title?   
> -Mori's sleepwear, the Imperial Informal Robe (think what the Kyoshi Islanders wear). Toph's sleepwear, the clothes from the beginning of the 'Tale of Toph and Katara'.  
> -The Fire Lord not wearing pants is part of Mori's running joke of people wearing and not wearing pants (that doesn't mean they're naked, just that they are in their undergarments which is meant to be embarassing.) Also, more popularly, reference to Aang's nightmares from 'Nightmares and Daydreams'.   
> -Said Fire Lord was Ozai, infamous for being killed by Toph and losing his head shortly after.  
> -Suki 'is a master of stealth and an elite warrior' is a paraphrased reference to the Ember Island Players episode.   
> -Toph's 'sand-wear' is similar to her Season 3 clothes. Mori's just terrible at describing clothes, as we all are from time to time.   
> -All of Mori's jabs at Pu-On Tim and clothing is a in-universe jab at Pu-On Tim and his rabid fans, but it doubles as a meta-reference to the absolute obsession this fandom has with smut. Smut with underage characters. But hey, that stuff gets thousands of hits and hundreds of kudos, so who am I to judge, right?   
> -Suki's off-duty clothes, credit to ( https://www.reddit.com/r/TheLastAirbender/comments/cpn1sn/casual_offduty_suki/ ).  
> -Kuai Ball, for reference, is what Zuko, Mai, Azula and Ty Lee play in 'The Beach'.   
> -Suki went to the Azula School of taking Kuai Ball seriously.  
> -Mori being excellent at swimming: A skill that's set up but barely ever paid off because how often does he have the opportunity to go swimming? For in-universe reasons, he grew up on an island and ditching class, I'd expect he'd be good at swimming.  
> -


	26. The Village of Hai-zao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph and Mori spend a day in a quaint little village out in the Agrarian Zone with absolutely nothing special about it. Nope.

Chapter Ninety:

A new dawn, a new day, a new  _ place that isn’t the Imperial Palace _ . “Listen, Your Majesty, I’m  _ all  _ for partying, but-” but my attempt, my  _ plea _ was interrupted by a woman who thought my chin was for grabbing. “ _ Good _ , I’m glad you agree.”  _ I…  _ I tried to speak. “No, I was trying to say that-” The woman resting on my chest was having too much fun using my chin as a hand rest. “Yes?”  _ Okay, if you’re going to interrupt me, I’ll try and fix what I meant to say. _ “I was  _ trying  _ to-”,  _ nope,  _ I was interrupted with “Yes?” So I tried. Again. “We should probably-” And again, interruption. “Yes?”  _ I’ll try. One more time _ . “Get back to the Imperial-” This time, I  _ almost  _ got it. Almost. “Beachhouse? We’re already there, Kyoshi.”  _ Fine. Two more times _ . “No, the Imperial Pa-” and this time I really,  _ really  _ was close. But not close enough. “Party Train? Nah, that was boring.”  _ Again. Try again. Stop being formal.  _ “The Imperial Palace.” That made her ‘look’ at me like a blind girl could look at someone, a lifeless stare. “Oh, you mean like the one in Yu Dao?”  _ No. Not the one in Yu Dao. Is that even a Imperial Palace? Isn’t that just a Palace? Or maybe a town center that we’re pretending has a value? Did we ever fix that hole in the wall?  _ “The Imperial Palace in Ba Sing Se.” And finally, finally, with my request voiced, I could get her formal, poetic answer. “No.” My sigh, accompanied by an attempted restricted arm move, was unintentionally loud. A sigh that made her chuckle. Because she's using me as a mattress so if I try to use myself as a person that's going to fail. And attempting to  _ escape  _ the Empress's lazy relaxed state is not going to be a victory for me. Thus, chuckling. _ You know you’re enjoying this as much as I’m not.  _

I’m never going to... _ well we’re starting with a lie _ ...I’m not going to outright  _ tell  _ Toph that perhaps getting hammered on Clear Whiskey is a bad idea. Nothing like spending a whole day with my right eye, er, what was once my right eye, exposed to the calm breeze while I was  _ told  _ to  _ politely  _ relax in a bedroom while the Empress took to practicing metalbending and sandbending at the same time. I’ll call her technique the _ ‘punch the sand until the metal sheet moves’  _ maneuver, and unlike  _ some  _ people, the Imperial Guards training with her were wearing armor. Including head armor. They punched the sand, and punched the sand, and kicked up a sand cloud, only for them to not move the metal. At some point during the day, some of them accomplished the goal, which only made the Empress add  _ more  _ metal or place it underground and have these adult men go digging in the sand like children to find the metal.

Not that I  _ saw  _ it, I was busy watching some gull-crows fight like squabbling Magistrates over the affection of one piece of jerky. And by affection I mean they were hungry. When I was served lunch by some nameless attendant, the gull-crows opted to use the readily-accessible doorway to swoop in and try to peck my face out. Well not my face, the food I was eating. Same idea. ‘You can’t peck an eye that isn’t there’ I said to one of them shortly before he ate a rock glove. Ate...well you can’t eat something if it grabs your head and flings you out.  _ Thank you, the ceiling _ .  _ Wait...the ceiling here is too low. I actually see the ceiling.  _ Oh well,  _ thank you watching-from-the-next-door-over agents _ . I must say, I  _ did  _ end up striking up a wonderful conversation with one of these gull-crows. I’ll call him ‘Not a Jerk’ because when I tossed him a piece of meat that  _ probably  _ cost an entire gold piece to procure from somewhere, he didn’t come back for more. He gobbled the food up before resting on my nightstand and squawking. I asked him how his day was going, he squawked. I asked him how his family was, just a squawk for a response. He squawked what I  _ guess  _ was a question about me, and I spent the rest of the day giving him my entire life’s story. He was a good listener. Provide him some food and he’ll be glad to sit, er, perch through even the most insane of tales. Like the rest of them, he had black-and-white feathers and a yellow bill and red eyes. When he got bored of listening to me try and explain the intrinsics of the Empire’s government,  _ no, Not a Jerk, All lords are Magistrates but only a couple magistrates are lords. One is hereditary, the other is an appointment by the Badgermole Throne...sometimes. Though considering the Southlands, the magistrate system is also hereditary so I guess I’m a hypocrite. Sorry bird.  _ Anyhow, when he got tired of all that, he took off and flew beak-first into a wall.

On the bright side, we’d be eating fresh gull-crow for dinner. When the woman who  _ gave  _ me the black eye walked in, albeit when it’s said like that it implies a scuffle and not an act of idiocy,  _ there’s no such thing as an idiotic Emperor! _ , she could only point at the dead bird and “Did...how did you” before resigning herself to accept that some things are best left unanswered. Since she didn’t seem interested in asking, I was interested in telling her something else. “Yes. Dinner. I used to hunt these birds’ cousins.” The woman picked the bird up by the neck and examined my former talking partner. Not that she knew that. “You sure?” she asked, clearly not sure herself. Since all I had to do was  _ lie down _ , not ‘don’t use your hands’ or ‘don’t say something dumb’, I could freely  _ point  _ out, with my finger, that “If I say no,  _ she  _ says yes. If I say yes, she says yes. If I tell her to take a breather, she’ll say no.” Suki could only accept this fundamental truth of being a companion of the woman who had spent all morning, afternoon and now almost dusk dueling and practicing.  _ Do I claim that this was a successful hunt? I kind of drove the bird into dying from boredom. At least that proves that the Empress is right: ruling is boring. But wait, she doesn’t have to do any of the reading. I do. What’s she on about?  _ Was I ever going to get the answer to this? Probably. 

Her Imperial Majesty returned, tanned, hair-to-sole coated in sand. And... _ water?  _ “I tried earthbending the ground below the lake. The lake put up a good fight.” “Do I even want to see what you did to a lake thousands of years old?” “I'm sure if  _ someone  _ had eyes, it would've been quite the spectacle.” And she waved her hand in front of her eyes.  _ Okay then.  _ On the one hand, there’s no way she  _ actually  _ fought the water. On the other hand, this is Toph and even questioning it means I’ll be in for lots of ‘you were wrong, told you so’s from the self-proclaimed and self-affirmed greatest earthbender ever. As for why she needed to transmit all that sand and water onto a sandless dry bed and sand-dusted somewhat sweaty man is beyond me. But it happened anyways. “So, how’s your eye? See anything wrong?” and she took to trying to find the right cheek.  _ The right cheek _ . The cheek underneath the large black spot on my face. “Can you  _ maybe  _ clean your hands before you go poking-”  _ why do you suggest these things?  _ Sure, she  _ did  _ clean her hands. On the blanket. The really fluffy fancy blanket that we had that  _ she also enjoyed don’t lie you know you like soft within-Consort-accidentally-not-an-accident-smashing range blankets. You like soft blankets. Don’t pretend you don’t.  _ Good for us, we have a thousand other identical blankets. Not here, but...they exist. After poking everything on my face that  _ wasn’t  _ the correct spot,  _ what, are you just having fun or something? Yes? Oh, continue then _ , she poked something I didn’t see coming and I yelped. Not that she saw that. “What’s it look like, Kyoshi?”  _ I...come on. Come on.  _ “I have no idea, do you  _ see  _ a mirror?” and as if someone was waiting just out-of-sight, an attendant popped out of a closet holding a mirror. “Does Your Majesty need a mirror?”  _ No, I need a drink.  _ “Yes, I need a mirror! Do you think I’m blind?” I was treated with the green-eyed stare of the Empress, who happily added “Yes. I do. Didn’t you get hit in the eye that you  _ do  _ have?” “No...that’s not how eyes work.” “Hey, don’t blame me-” and she held her hands up to defend her claim, “-it’s not like I  _ see  _ anything on this bed.”  _ I’m never going to see the end of this, am I? _

One dinner, fresh gull-crow, later, the two of us took to sleeping. As people tend to do. I won't lie, it was a comfortable sleep. Then we woke up in the middle of the night because the Empress was suddenly, out of nowhere, filled with the desire to “Get off this boring island!” and before I knew it,  _ I was asleep, after all _ , we were loaded into a truck or ten and driving towards...somewhere. I didn’t know. I was half-awake and half-asleep and most of that half-awake was because I was warm and the Empress was cold and it’s hard to fall asleep when you’re being turned into a tree-cube. One intermittent amount of time spent in a truck later…I don’t know which genius decided to have our personal Imperial Convoy go driving into the rural Agrarian Zone or which of  _ those  _ geniuses got us lost. I know that I, dazed, woke up to a bunch of people discussing ‘Which of us takes up the vanguard?’ and fell asleep to the Empress shouting for people to ‘Go solve this yourself because I’m tired!’ before she went back to sleep. On my chest. 

At some point of time later, all of us learned the brilliance of Imperial engineering. 

“What do you mean our truck  _ broke down _ ?” I asked, pulling my robes on so I could have  _ some  _ dignity while questioning some soldier of the Imperial Army. An  _ engineer  _ to be precise. The platoon of ostrich horse riding Imperial Army soldiers and their lances waited around the truck in a circle of protection while the Empress was busy rolling around in the grass. “I don’t know, Your Majesty. Your truck just...broke down.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ I accidentally let an inner thought of mine out, “This is impossible! Imperial trucks do  _ not  _ break down and the Emperor does  _ not  _ screw up!” The man and his wrench and oil-slicked face didn’t seem to have a good counter for this save a kowtow. As for the Empress out in the field, I had to  _ shout  _ with the hopes of grabbing her attention. “Your Majesty wanted a vacation! We’ve got a vacation!” and she stopped rolling to stand up and smile.  _ You... _ well... _ why is it always up to me to solve this nonsense _ . “Where’s the nearest place we can go to steal  _ their  _ trucks and...well I don’t know where Her Imperial Majesty wants to go but...go there.” The engineer pointed at the cluster of houses, one temple spire and an associated small hilltop fort. “That place.”  _ No, really. Thanks for being vague _ . 

And that’s the short-hand story of how we ended up  _ walking,  _ because the Empress was bored of sitting in a truck all day and despite the many other trucks that were in our convoy we had to follow her pace, over to this completely random village in the middle of rolling hills of farmland with a small mixed wood forest to our south and more small forests out in the distance in all directions. It wasn’t a village, except it was, and whoever  _ ran  _ this village was going to be in for it. Imagine waking up to the sight of one short woman in wrestler garb being followed and flanked by Imperial Guards who are then followed and flanked by the Dai Li who are also followed by a long line of trucks that contain the Kyoshi Warriors -they aren’t stupid- and also in the middle of this is some random auburn-haired man and his queue and not-really-formal clothes. 

The central gong in the town rang out, summoning villagers to emerge from their pitched farmhouses and walk over to the town center. The ‘town center’ was a two story building with a balcony on the second story. As the Empress and I walked down the street, the doors to the balcony opened and some young woman emerged. A young woman dressed like a noble, except... _ this is a village _ ...and she had  _ dyed  _ green hair... _ right, right, of course _ . She, being somewhat competent, was wise enough to instruct her peasantry to spin around in disorganized mob style and kowtow to us. Toph shrugged and I almost fell over.  _ I. Just. Want. A. Place. To. Sleep.  _ “Your Majesties, welcome to-”  _ No, enough ‘welcome to’s’.  _ “-our humble village of Hai-zao!”  _ Humble? What kind of person is humble and flamboyantly dressed like a noble? Do I care? Not really _ . The villagers, being as educated as I would expect, cheered at their...ruler, announcing their title. Well not ruler… “What are you?” I shouted over the heads of the people and up at the woman. “I’m a woman, Your Majesty!”  _ No. Way.  _ “What’s your title?” “I’m a Lady, the Lady of Hai-zao.” I resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose. “No you aren’t! Ladies are for...nobles!”  _ Ow. Toph, why shove me into humiliation _ . “If she wants to be that she can be that!”  _ I...that’s not how titles work.  _ After my cousin helped me remember what legs were and how to use them, I followed the Empress as she strolled over to the village green, the peasants parting for her and then I and also the Imperial Guards and...everyone else in our entourage. Addressing the woman a story above us, “Do you have any trucks we can liberate for our uses? We have a vacation to get to!” but instead I was tugged on by the Empress who opted to glare at me. “Why would you say that?” I tried to give Toph some visual hints, only to recall her lack of subtlety. “Because...vacation?” Showcasing her mastery of adapting, “This  _ is  _ our vacation!”  _ I...I don't want to ‘vacation' in some village in the middle of nowhere _ .  _ I mean, I said that then, but I knew that I'd end up vacationing here anyway, so I'm just setting really high expectations for no reason.  _

I don’t remember how, exactly, we ended up being invited inside some strange lady’s house for tea. I know Toph  _ wanted  _ to grab tea and our options were either the town center -because apparently this lady brews her own tea- or the local tavern, with a name perfect for a Pu-On Tim play or one of Toph’s euphemisms that I dare not mention for the sake of whatever tattered bits of innocence remained. That tavern was owned by the local sages, since, like in Shwo, taverns are one of the only ways for such holy people to make money.  _ Because gold coins don’t grow on trees.  _ These sages wore the regular Earth Empire garb, so nothing seemed particularly off. At first.  _ That'll change _ .

“My Lady, as a descendant of Kyoshi, I love her as much as the next loyal honest hardworking citizen of the Empire but...can you  _ please  _ tell me why you need a to-scale life-like replica  _ statue  _ of her in your common area?” and Suki covered her mouth. That didn't stop us from hearing her laughing. Toph enjoyed sitting back on a fancy couch and using a tea-table as her footrest,  _ if that table’s sore next morning, you’ll know I’m not lying, Sukes _ . I, on the other hand, as much as I like the smell and taste of whatever odd tea this woman was drinking...I was more interested in the giant statue of my giant ancestor who...I was almost the same height of. “How...how and why. That’s…that’s all I want to know.” The woman looked like one of those people who was suddenly validated in her existence. “Because Kyoshi’s the best.”  _ Hey, you and I agree on that, but you don’t see me with a giant statue of her _ .  _ Or...a regular sized statue of a tall woman _ . “I agree, Kyoshi  _ is  _ the best. When he’s leading military campaigns and bonking Fire Lords on the head with bottles!”  _ Hey, nobody asked you, Toph. I mean, you're the Empress so nobody has to ask you, but...let's keep my achievements to myself for once? Oh wait...  _ “Your Majesty, she’s referring to my ancestor, not I.” Toph huffed in disagreement. “ _ Oh _ . Eh, living people are more fun. You can make fun of them. Or hand them things.” I continued to feel the stonework of this statue, a statue with all the correct colors and headdress and clothes and everything except it’s not real, it’s stone. I couldn’t even feel the intricacy of her headdress before Toph yelled “Hey Kyoshi! I have some tea to hand you!” and I broke off my eye-based investigation to walk over to her and stick my hand out. She handed me the cup she was drinking from. Then she pointed at me with her elbows. “As I said, living people are more fun. You can  _ hand  _ them things” and she waved me away.  _ Where...where do you want me to go with a cup?  _ Since she didn’t ask, I looked up at the ceiling and yelled “Hey! Dai Li! One of you grab this.” On command, two agents fell down, and one was granted the cup from me. I  _ just  _ managed to have this Lady within my line-of-sight to watch her point at the two shadow people, mutter nonsense just like a certain Tu-Jia I knew from back home, and faint.  _ Thud _ . So now I guess Tu-Jia, the sensitive artist who foams at the mouth, now has an  _ appropriate  _ match for a bride.  _ Where is that man? _

Six people gathered around this woman. It might’ve been seven but Toph was kicking back and resting her head on her hands. Suki, myself, Captain Wuhan, another Imperial Guard that heard the  _ thud _ and two  _ other  _ Dai Li agents. “It...appears that she has fainted, Your Majesty.” one of the agents proposed. “No, you think?” I countered. “We...we should send a letter to inquire as to what to do with her body, Your Majesty” the  _ other  _ agent proposed. The four of us normal people looked at him. “Body?” my cousin yelled in confusion. “She’s not dead!” I declared, less confused. “We need to...convene.” the first agent added, quietly.  _ Convene?  _ “Convene? We’re all here.” and I pointed at the relaxing Empress. “We need to convene to figure out what to do with her body, Your Majesty” the second agent finished the first one’s nonsense.  _ Why...what?  _ I looked around the room. There were a couple courtiers and one shadowy figure wearing a cloak working on a painting.  _ Sure. Why not _ . To the room of people who were not preoccupied, I asked “Do  _ any  _ of you have any ideas on what to do with her…?” The second agent  _ had  _ to add, “Her body.”  _ Yes, her body.  _ One of the courtiers walked over, a young woman dressed more like a peasant than a courtier but maybe this Lady dressed her people differently, “She...has a bedroom upstairs, Your Majesty.”  _ Good _ . “Good. Good. That’s...part of the way.” “No, Your Majesty, that’s all of the way. Upstairs.”  _ Yes, thank you, nameless agent the second.  _ “Just...take her and try  _ not  _ to bang her into any of the walls.” The two Dai Li took to a two-statue-staring-contest while the Captain,  _ no not my cousin _ , picked this woman up and, along with his friend, the two brought her upstairs. I shall assume they also tucked her in and wished her a wonderful night, I didn’t care that much. I was busy. The Empress wanted more tea and,  _ guess who was given the task _ ...“Kyoshi! Go find some tea!”

It wouldn’t have been that much to ask the courtiers, the people that  _ live and work here _ to find the kitchen, and by extension, the tea. In fact, as most people have ears, I’m sure the courtiers heard Toph’s request and went off to go fetch her some tea. Now, if I was tired enough, I would’ve probably wandered into a wall or ten. But after smacking the top of my head against a low doorway, I recalled that I was  _ looking for tea _ . So I went to look for tea. And...after making a left, a right, a right, a left, another left and four rights at different points, possibly circling the same couple rooms over and over again, I found the kitchen. I grabbed a teacup from the woman who was kowtowing and... _ why are your clothes all wavy-patterned _ ... _ oh forget it, I’ll worry about that later _ … “Where’s the living room?” The woman got up and pointed at the one other doorway in this room. One open door later and there Toph was, picking her ear. “I brought you tea” and I placed the tea on the foot-rest table. “Where did you go, Omashu?” “Probably.” “The tea better be worth it.” She grabbed the cup and downed the whole thing in one go. After licking her lips, she commented that “It  _ was  _ worth it.” 

As the Sun rays came in through the western windows of this living room, the Lady of Hai-zao woke up from her bout of unconsciousness. She strolled downstairs in a simple evening robe and  _ forgot  _ that, in her dining area, the Empress and I were relaxing. I say this because when she spotted the Empress picking her ear while I ate a bread-based dinner,  _ note, just don’t look left and I don’t have to lose my appetite _ , she screamed something inaudible out of shock. Shock. “Your...Your Majesties!” Thankfully for us and for the sake of us wanting to actually  _ do  _ something, she didn’t faint. She fell into a kowtow. Over in the corner, the cloaked figure finished another drawing. This...painter had been drawing the two of us sitting together for what felt like all day. Different styles of us sitting together, varying with  _ how  _ we were sitting together. Sometimes Toph would rest on my shoulder, sometimes one of us would have an arm around the other, all because the two of us really had an affinity for this one specific room thanks to its great breezes and overall warm weather. I...for an afternoon, I forgot my obligations to the Badgermole Throne because the ability to just relax in quiet, save the chirps of farmland birds, was something...nice. Quaint. Charming. With all that in mind, the Lady of Hai-zao asked if “Your Majesties would like to stay the night for a feast” and Toph, feeling no sense of urgency,  _ she enjoyed my shoulder too much _ , accepted the offer. So the Lady dispatched her courtiers, she only had a few, to go across the village and “Spread the news! A feast! In honor of Her and His Imperial Majesty!” and the courtiers left the town center with smiles on their faces. 

Toph wanted to go for a walk. And when she wants to go for a walk, she goes for a walk. I was given the privilege, the  _ honor _ as the Fire Nation might say, of being dragged along by the Empress. Or, in other words, “I want to go for a walk, and you’re coming with me!” So I went with her. We went out the front door, only for her to stop in her tracks and “Hey Kyoshi, you still feeling up for being an ostrich horse?” Before I could say ‘not right now’, she ordered me to “Kneel and let me hop on!”. So I knelt. But she didn’t jump onto me like she did that one time with the need-to-be-healed feet. This time, she was kind enough to wrap her  _ arms  _ around my shoulders.  _ Fine, fine, there’s a first for everything _ . And I’d bet a couple gold pieces that this is one of those firsts. With her legs wrapped around my chest and my head her hand-rest, “On, now, go for a walk!”  _ But… _ “Toph...you’re not even tired.” “I know, I’m-” she took her finger and started picking at her teeth, “-on vacation.” We were joined by a couple Imperial Guards and Suki. Thankfully, we didn’t need an entire entourage to just go for a walk. Or maybe there was an entire entourage and it was just beyond what I could see. Since I can’t tell distance and all that. 

I had this crazy idea. There was a small hill to the north of the village. Not the hill with the small military outpost, an empty hill. With the added weight of an Empress,  _ the whole Empire’s on my shoulders _ , I figured it would be a fair challenge. Afterall, I never know when I’ll need to carry the Empress or someone or something of a similar weight around whether now or at any point in the future.  _ So _ , I thought,  _ might as well practice now _ . And the hill would give us an added bonus of a nice place to watch... _ oh, yeah _ ...the sunset.  _ Facts and reality , like her being blind, don’t matter _ .  _ I’m carrying someone four and a half feet tall who weighs not much more than a sack of rice or grain who is able to tear hilltops off with ease should she care to. I should really stop thinking so much _ . To get to this hill, I’d have to take a couple of side streets,  _ ha, side streets, this is a village _ . So I walked down a ‘side street’. The buildings, ‘buildings’, more like one-story houses with two-story lofts, were what we passed. There were pairs of eyes in each window... _ not even a window, a hole in the wall with shutters _ . No matter where I looked, someone was looking over or down at us. The children would duck out of sight, partly out of how intimidating me and my manly blue robes are, partly because I would think many of these people are quite spiritual. It’d be like if the Avatar was walking down the road, except instead of spreading nonsensical ideologies and literally and figuratively being above it all, he had a more...Kyoshi-like reputation. This didn’t stop people from shouting “Ten Thousand Years!” to us. It was as we left the village proper that, from the other side of a farm fence, a middle-aged man with a black beard called out to us. “Your Majesties! Ten Thousand Years for stopping the Ashmaker’s advances!” I don’t know what or why, but Toph let go of me, fell off,  _ I shrieked for a moment because I thought that it was my fault _ , and she walked over to the fence.

“So, we saved your lands?” she asked, resting a hand on the wooden posts that separated the village ‘roadway’, more like a dirt path, from this man’s -or his family’s- large piece of farmland. The man kowtowed and humbly stated “Yes, Your Majesties.” We then let him raise, only for Toph to ask more questions. “So where are you from? What’s your story?” “Your Majesties’s humble servant’s name is Tai. I am from the lands of Anwar. When my family’s lands were threatened by invasion, I took them north to the last great refuge. We were some of the first to settle in this new village.” I thought to give Toph a ‘poke’ to have us get on to the hill, but she seemed interested in this man. “New village?” He kowtowed again. Only after rising did he reply with “This village was founded the day after His Imperial Majesty personally halted the Ashmaker’s advances.” Toph took a step back from the fence post, turned her head to the right, and gave me a powerful  _ jab  _ in my left shoulder. I had to rub my own shoulder. “What was  _ that  _ for?” She grinned. “You single-handedly halted them, don’t you remember?” and she took her hand and twirled the end of my queue between her small fingers.  _ I…  _ “I recall having the assistance of-” She took to  _ grabbing  _ my hand and holding it. “Ow.  _ Why are you holding my hand and squeezing it?”  _ I asked through gritted teeth to pretend that I  _ wasn’t  _ asking. “Use your rock of a head, Kyoshi.” Then I did.  _ Single-handedly...I didn’t actually stop them alone, I had the Imperial Guards, but… these are the peasants. The same peasants that love Toph for being a one-woman army. And all those folk tales...the hero is usually alone. And a hero. He’s not an inebriated man who stupidly spontaneously charges a battle he had almost no way of winning _ . I quietly said “I got it” and she let go of my hand. Then, to  _ prove _ that I got it, “I stopped Shinji. I gave an eye for it, but we won. I’m glad that people like  _ you  _ are able to make something of this land.” I rested my right elbow on a vertical post while my fist crossed my opposite hand, the latter grabbing the top of one of the rounded pole shafts used for the horizontal sections of the fence. Toph, meanwhile, had both her palms open and, overall, was exuding confident-yet-warm body language. “So this village’s new. How’s the farming? Are you settling in well?” and I think the farmer, Tai, was taken aback by his Empress’s personal question. The man stuttered as he tried to keep his eyes locked on his Empress while making his voice loud enough to shout “Huan! Qiao! Cai-Hong!” while  _ also  _ having a pang of regret since he was  _ shouting  _ in front of the Empress. At his yells, a woman of probably a similar age to Tai came running out, a little girl holding on to her robed tail. The woman went wide-eyed upon seeing her new visitors and she stopped and dropped into a kowtow, disregarding the heavily-trafficked dirt she was treading upon. She also grabbed the young girl and whispered something to her. The girl, quite adorably, tried to mimic her mother as the mother shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” From around the other side of this farmhouse came a teenager, his hair loosely done into a topknot, his face dirty and sun-scorched from a life of farm work, a bucket in his hand. He, too, spotted the two of us casually resting on his family’s property and he tripped into a kowtow. I take it that seeing me looking at him didn’t help. It wasn’t hard to see his  _ gulping  _ from nervousness. 

The four of them took to standing right behind the wooden fence. The father in the middle, his teenage son a pace his left, his wife some ten or a dozen paces to his right, his daughter shyly hiding behind his wife’s simple dress. Maybe it’s Toph’s lifeless glare. I badly wanted to say ‘Beneath those imposing eyes, she’s actually quite nice’ but I’d rather not get jabbed, punched, uppercutted, elbowed, or anything else associated with that. Maybe it’s  _ my  _ one good eye looking from person to person, giving them a once-over,  _ thank you for the inspiration, Sukes _ . But Toph...Toph, oh Toph, she can do what the rest of us can’t. She held out her hand and in a soft voice, said “I don’t bite. You can walk forward.” Then she laughed at her own joke. The young girl poked her head out from behind her mother’s garb. Greeted with Toph’s eyes, the girl retreated back to her hiding place. Toph turned to me, ‘looked’ up at me,  _ and by looked I mean she leaned her head back as if she had eyes and those eyes needed to look at mine _ , and...didn’t ask me anything. She put a hand on my arm, felt it for a moment, then went “Got it!” and asked the teenager -while ‘looking’ at the father- “Can I take that bucket?” I added something to her question, “Do you have more buckets?”.  _ I know what she's going to do. You might need another bucket. _ The son gave it to me before the father could even say anything. “We do, Your Majesty” the father clarified. Then I handed the bucket to Toph, who pulled a string of metal off the rim of the bucket. She clamped her hands together, some  _ florping _ noises happened, and when she opened her hands again, she had a small statue of herself -I knew it was her because  _ who else has that kind of bun. Or wrestler clothes _ \- in her right hand. The statue’s hands were on it’s hips because... _ I guess that’s Toph’s favorite pose?  _ Or maybe because it’s an easy one to reproduce. She then walked up to the fence post and held the statue out at the eye-level of where the girl  _ would  _ be if she  _ was _ watching. Having more perception than Toph, I chose to say “We have a statue for you!” in the cheeriest voice I could think of. A far reach from the usual formal or noble or nobly formal or general’s voice that I must use. In fact, it was  _ almost  _ my informal,  _ me  _ voice. 

The girl poked her head out and upon seeing the small statue, ran out from her cover and  _ grabbed  _ it, no pause, from Toph’s hand. This elicited a shocked gasp from her mother and a hastily done kowtow from her father, begging mercy. Instead of punishing one or the other, Toph broke into laughter. Since Toph’s laughter can be taken a dozen different ways and probably isn’t going to be taken  _ that  _ well by peasantry who hear ‘laugh’ and think ‘I’m about to die’, I knew that I had to explain what was happening. “Her Imperial Majesty is laughing because…”  _ you can do it. Why is she laughing?  _ “...because Her Imperial Majesty is just as quick.” This made the Empress stop and her voice to get  _ formal _ , “Kyoshi’s right.” I offered a head bow while the mother looked like she was going to fall over and the father wished us “Ten Thousand Years” for forgiving his daughter for doing standard child behavior. The Empress isn’t one to lean in to speak to people, but she tipped her head slightly, as if her ears and feet tracked the precise spot where this girl stood. “What’s your name?” “I’m...I’m Cai-Hong, Your...Your...Your Majh-esty- Majh-esties.” Toph and I both sighed happily at the same time.  _ Oh, the way you say it...it’s precious _ . “Why, you’re probably quite cute.” the Empress said, then she heel-spun to face me and yelled “Kyoshi! Tell me that she’s cute!” I looked at the girl who was just as confused as I. “She’s...quite cute, Your Majesty.” Then Toph pointed at her own eyes and explained in the most casual of tones, “I’m blind. So I can’t see you like you see me. I tap the ground with my foot and can feel where you are standing. When I can't see you clearly, Kyoshi over here helps me out!” The girl, as one may predict, was all ‘Wow!’ and ‘That’s so cool’ and always,  _ always _ forgot to say the title, adding it as an afterthought like a child apologizing for saying something ‘wrong’. Which is fine. She felt the statue and examined it’s face with a running finger, “This woman’s so cool, Your Majh-esty. Do you...can you make me another?” The Empress’s crafty grin told it’s own story. There’s little that Toph enjoys more than metalbending. “Who do you want it of?” the Empress softly asked. “Him...His...Majh-esty, Your...Majh-esty.” Toph cracked her knuckles. She pointed at the girl like this was a wrestling competition and, unironically, yelled “Watch this!” before grabbing my arm. She ran her hand up to my shoulder while whispering to “stay still, keep your hands on your hilt”,  _ no, you’re kidding. No...you're not kidding. _ I stood still, both hands on my hilt. One of her hands was on my shoulder, one was tearing another string -as thick as a rope- of metal off the bucket. She brought the two hands together, and yet again, one loud  _ florp  _ later, she opened her contained hands to reveal a statue. A statue of a man with both his hands on his... _ jian scabbard hilt _ . She actually got the scabbard in. And the long robes. And the queue running down my back. My face wasn't the most detailed, apparently I just have eyes and a line for a mouth and no nose. She presented this statue to the girl and the girl was all starry-eyed, remarking that “That’s a really nice braid!” which only made Toph break into more chuckling. The young girl collected the two figures, barely fitting them in her hands, and put them in a windowsill. Two small grey lifelike figures in action poses. Figures of  _ us _ . 

We continued the conversation with the father while his family gathered around him. And by continued, I mean Toph said whatever she felt like. “How’s the farming?” The father spoke for his family. “We...Your Majesties’ humble servants expect to have a good crop season.” The fist that they didn’t see was clenched. The hand that they did see shook slightly as it rested on the wooden post. “That’s a lie.” the Empress stated, matter-of-factly. The man gulped. “It’s…” but his tense voice was cut off by his Empress’s. “Why don’t you have food? What happened?” The man struggled for words. “We...the Ashmakers...they salted the soil…” His tone tried to be humble and also honest. A hard feat for anyone in the Empire. Toph quietly mouthed ‘Truth’ as if the saying the word hurt. I jumped in. “I take it that the whole village has this problem?” The man, credit to him, he tried to hold his composure together in that steadfast stubborn Imperial way. But the truth hurts. “Yes” he said, not much louder than a whisper. Toph lightly stomped the ground before poking my shoulder. Then, in her commanding -mixed with gentle- voice, “I want all these villagers to be compensated!” So I called over to the Captain,  _ no, not Suki...she’s asleep _ … “Captain! Get the gold from the trucks!” A distant Northerner voice yelled “On it, Your Majesty!”  _ Of course we have gold with us. Why not bring gold along? You never know when it could be used.  _ We must’ve brought a couple chestfuls of the stuff. And if we didn’t... _ Toph and I aren’t going to let you down. _ The announcement of a feast beginning broke our focus on this. “Let’s go eat!” Toph declared, sounding much more like a young woman and  _ not  _ like an Empress. Which is...fine. She’s Toph. Likewise, somersaulting down the road and picking up lots of dirt before  _ running  _ off aren’t very Empress-ey things. Not that Toph cared. 

While she ran off, some Imperial Guards giving chase, I eyed,  _ with my good eye _ , that cloaked figure standing  _ in  _ the property of the farmers. Their canvas was pointing at us and they were applying paint to the canvas. While the four family members took to following the Empress -at great distance- I opened the gate of this farm property and walked across it. The painter knew I was coming for them. It was hard not to know. I’m glad the ground’s dry, otherwise I would’ve been trekking through forty feet of mud to get to this lone painter and their work. The painter was wrapped in green-and-black robes, much like a Dai Li agent. But...instead of a hat, this person was wearing some kind of wrapping around their mouth and a hooded cloak over their head, like a sandbender turban. A pair of Dai Li found themselves on the roof to my side. “Who are you?” I asked, cautious of this strange person and their strange, strange  _ brush _ . “I’m the First Painter of Hai-zao, Your Majesty.”  _ What?  _ “There’s no such title” and the two Dai Li probably gave me ‘Does Your Majesty want us to arrest this person?’ ‘because we’d love to arrest this person’ looks. “Lady Hai-zao named me First Painter. I run our painting organization.”  _ I...so you’re like the chief of paint? That’s still not a title _ .  _ You know what...fine.  _ “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that made-up title.” and I walked around to look at the canvas. It was...something else.

It was a basic, rough, sketch. Nothing fancy...but the potential was there. On the canvas was, in order from foreground to background,  _ note, the fore and midground are identical in perspective with the fence being the only ‘border’ to distinguish between the two _ : the four members of the family, the outline of the teenage son of Tai on the left holding the outline of the bucket with his face side-on so we can see his cheeks. His left hand was resting on the fence. To his right, an outline of the middle-aged Tai, back-on with the canvas. He was holding his beard. To  _ his  _ right, some distance over, the outline of the long hair and simple dress of Tai’s wife. Just to her right, an outline of the girl, Cai-Hong. One hand was holding her mother’s hand, the other was holding an outline of...something. It looked like it could be one of the figures from earlier. In the mid-ground, the wooden fence -or rather, it’s outline, with precise notes made for the small discrepancies since this fence was made of thick branches, not poles- stretched from one edge to the other. Behind the fence, the two of  _ us _ . I was just to the right, perspective right, of the farmer. My blue robe and pants were...quite detailed. The little scratch marks from all the nonsense I’ve had to put the two pieces of clothing through, the not-as-large-as-I-thought Imperial Sigil, the split sides on the Imperial Informal Robe to showcase its origins as a Kyoshi Islander kimono-tunic, the pants that also exist and are nice and baggy but not in a cumbersome way, and finally, the lack of socks because today was Sandal Day because it’s the summertime. I had my auburn queue somewhere out of sight. My black once-an-eye was present, partially hidden  _ in the coolest possible way _ by my eyepatch. My good eye complimented my serious face as I appeared to be talking -with my hands- with the farmer. And Toph...Toph, like I, was quite detailed. Her wrestler garb was all correctly colored, her feet possessed a healthy layer of dirt, her hair was done up in a bun and her face was wonderfully enhanced with bangs. Her main bangs framing her face, then one large middle bang that was actually two bangs close together. The middle bangs covered part of her left eye and much of her nose. And yet, the painter,  _ I’m sorry,  _ the First Painter, was able to capture the split-end of this middle bang.  _ So you drew us first because we won’t be around for long but you’ll always have the other farmers as a reference. Makes sense _ . Last but not least, this painter captured Toph’s eyes in a way that I could only dream of describing:  _ not  _ intimidating. Friendly. Her open palms while she appeared to be talking to the farmer helped with the warm atmosphere. In the far background, more plains and finally hills. Other hills. Hills that aren’t near this village but elsewhere. Best of all, the far-distant hills had notes for 'sunset shading'. With all this compiled together... _ You... _ this painter… “You brought this scene to life” was my final thought. Oh wait, no, second-to-final, “I’d like a copy of this work when it’s finally done.”  _ Good. Now...off to go to a party _ .

Because I’m me, I arrived late to the party. It helped that the Sun had gone down and the  _ wonderfully high  _ amount of street lightning in the extremely rural Agrarian Zone  _ really  _ helped me find my way. On the dark side, it took awhile. On the bright side, the only building in the entire village that had any lights in the windows was where the feast was being held...next to. Because you can’t hold a village-wide feast inside a living room.  _ Or maybe, you can.  _ On the  _ other  _ bright side, we were rural enough that the skies above were full of stars and a faint salmon-carp line crossing the sky. A humbling sight, for sure, but the current predicament of  _ lots of people cheering  _ was far from appropriate for such natural wonders. So I followed the sounds of civilization, because where there’s yelling, there’s Toph. 

“How... _ how _ in the time from when we went out to speak to the farmers until now did  _ everyone  _ in the village get hammered?” I asked. Toph shrugged. “I don’t know. I was with you.” then she took another drink of this... _ rice wine? _ ...and downed it. “You want a cup?” and she banged a cup with some of the liquid still in it into my chest.  _ That’s not how you offer a cup, but okay _ . “No. I don’t drink.” To this, the Captain,  _ both  _ of them, broke into laughter. “What you mean to say is you don’t drink such weak stuff!”  _ thank you, Sukes _ . “It’s alright, this temperate wine is so light I could feed it to a baby. Where I’m from, we drink real hard ales.” the Northerner stated. But, for all the Captain said that, he was also yelling “Twenty! I’m going for twenty one!”,  _ yeah, that _ , as he consumed that number of cups. Suki was just watching from the corner, not just any corner, but the one that was only one katana slice and one lunge away from rescuing a relaxing Empress from her relaxing couch. I rejected some random villager’s cup of wine,  _ clay, you use clay?, not that good, but then again this is a poor village _ , only to listen in on the Lady of this land giving the world’s most competently inebriated speech since that one speech I gave back then at that one place before charging that one group of people I didn’t like. That one time. 

“Refugees! What a great name! What home does a refugee go back to? And isn’t  _ this  _ the Empire, too? Why would I go back to some-” she hiccuped, saving me from censoring reality itself with the power of stubbed-toe-noises, “-place… when I could start a new life here?” Someone in the crowd replied with “Because you’re stupid?” and it was phrased as a question. So the Lady of this village took her clay cup and tossed it,  _ you have a good throwing arm _ , only for the cup to shatter on that one villager’s head. She looked around the room, including at new entry: Me. “Any other questions?” “That was a statement!” someone  _ else  _ yelled. “Oh quiet, you” and the Lady grabbed another empty cup and wound her arm up for another throw. “Okay, okay, I’m quiet!” the same accusatory man replied, choosing  _ now  _ as the time to depart this feast. After downing an empty cup and licking her lips anyways, she asked “Where was I?” and the crowd, being intelligent people, had no idea. So I, being as smart as them, made something up. “The part with starting new lives!” She pointed at me. “We should aspire to be like that blue guy over there!”  _ Blue guy?  _ “No! Don’t aspire to be like me! Aspire to be like yourselves, but not failures!” and the crowd yelled lots of “Hear hear!”s and “He’s right”s. The Lady, on the other hand, seemed  _ somewhat  _ dismayed that ‘that blue guy’ was stealing her crowd. “You, blue guy, you think you can give a better speech?”  _ no, I think your slurred speech indicates a convenient trip in five, four, three, two, one _ …

She tripped over a table and onto a couch. The Dai Li that had accompanied us were  _ quite  _ ready to do the ‘make holes in walls’ approach but I held my fist and held them back. When that woman finally regained  _ some  _ sense of reality, she was face-to-face with a Dai Li agent. She began walking backwards and saying things that us mere mortals could not comprehend. One thing I managed to hear was “You...you’re part of the Dai Li!” and the entire room woke up. They woke up and suddenly I had this strange feeling that the two Dai Li agents standing next to me were a walking flare. And...they were. So I gave the Empress a very polite tug and then a less polite  _ I’m going to grab you and we’re leaving before everything dies in a rocky, going-straight-to-pound-town fashion _ . But the Empress was immovable.  _ Fine. Change of commands.  _ “Dai Li, get out!” and the Dai Li took to hopping up to the ceiling and walking along the ceiling before flinging themselves out the windows and fresh holes in walls only to reform in perfect lines outside. Amidst this insanity, one voice made herself heard and  _ it wasn’t Toph _ . “Come back, protectors of the true culture! Come back, guardians of our ancient traditions!” and an inner thought of mine let itself out at either the best or worst time depending on whether or not I wanted to get killed and whether or not these people had any sanity in them. “Do you… have some kind of… love of the Dai Li?” “ _ YES _ ” the entire room, or those that hadn’t face planted the floor from all the inebriation by means of rice wine, yelled.  _ Oh...okay then.  _ “ _ Toph _ ” I managed to whisper before the fruit pies started approaching. “ _ What?  _ They’re not harmful.” and she crossed her legs.  _ I...you’ve got to be kidding _ . Well, I did what anyone smart would do. 

“There’s only one of me and there’s approximately eighty seven of you, but my  _ jian  _ can cut through five at a time so can everyone please attack me one at a time?” and I jumped in front of the Empress who really seemed intent on not moving. Suki, seeing me draw my  _ jian _ , pulled her katana out of thin air and took to standing next to me. Suki, while maintaining proper form, leaned in to whisper “ _ Hey, are we actually going to kill anyone or is this just supposed to intimate? _ ” and I nodded. Then I realized that nodding my head was useless and clarified with “No, no, we’re just  _ scaring  _ them. This  _ jian _ will probably break in two if I use it. High quality Imperial blacksmithing, afterall.” She glanced down at the blade, then up at me and my one eye. “No, that blade was forged back when the Kingdom was somewhat decent.” If I wasn’t busy looking imposing, I might’ve pinched the bridge of my nose. “Oh, so then we’re good to slice. But...we’re not slicing.” And before we could get to slicing, “What are you two idiots doing? If you want to take out your edged weapons, get a room.” and the two of us sheathed our blades, turned around, and were faced with the Empress and her professional nose-picking skills. “What do you mean idiots? Why toss  _ me  _ in with him?” “Yeah! I’m with Suki! Why toss her in with me?” “Because while you two lovers were debating on the size of your blades, the mob went outside” and she pointed at...the wrong wall.  _ No, that’s the wrong direction, Toph _ . So we turned to face the  _ correct  _ direction and then and only then did I stop having selective hearing and hear all the affectionate chants being tossed the way of the strange conical hat crowd. “Sukes, are we ever going to take out our blades and  _ do something _ ?” “As the Empress said, save it for the bedroom!” and she ran out the door.  _ I… oh, oh, come on _ . I didn’t need Toph’s knee-slapping laughter, I understood the comment well enough on my own. But the knee-slapping laughter was fine.

While the Empress relaxed, she had Imperial Business to attend to, what with her hands and her ears and all, I, as representative of the Badgermole Throne and the nearest readily available idiot, exited the premises of whatever this structure was formerly called before the Dai Li put holes in it, and came upon a mob of people that either multiplied since I last checked or maybe  _ they’re coming out of the walls. And the doors. Oh no.  _ This mob was one of those friendly mobs. The kind that hugs you to death. “You’re our favorite secret police!” “Sing us a song with your wonderful voices!” “Stay around more! Protect us from those who would seek to destroy this utopia!” “Come back to visit soon, or we’ll find ways to find you!” “Marry my daughter!” “Don’t marry his daughter!” “Would you like a free cup of wine?” “Would you like a free cup of  _ my  _ wine?” Then someone got bashed on the head with a clay cup. “Don’t take his wine! That was a euphemism for-” but she was also cut off by clay-cup battering. “All of you strange smelly people, stop or we’ll start with the  _ kind  _ volleys!” yelled someone who sounded serious enough to be the local Captain or Colonel or  _ whoever that Dai Li guy was  _ that followed us along. “We love you!” they countered. “No, I couldn’t tell. Do you think I’m blind or something?” the same Colonel shouted. “Yes!” someone in the crowd yelled.  _ I… I don’t know what’s real and what is not real anymore _ .

I found the Kyoshi Warrior by taking to the flanks. “Why...why are you guarding this  _ one  _ doorway?” she pushed off her own rest,  _ she was resting on the wall _ , and retorted with “Why not? Do  _ you  _ want to get into the thick of it?” I looked at the crowd, then back at her, then the crowd, then her. “Yes. That’s what we have blades for.” “If you want to get into the thick of something-” “If you  _ mention  _ ‘the thick of’ and the Empress, I  _ will  _ wrestle you into this wall.” “I’d like to  _ see  _ you try, One-Eyed Badgermole except without the bending badgermoles have.”  _ I… okay fine.  _ “You win.” “Thought so” and Suki smirked. “Anyways, I was saying, if you wanted to get into the thick of something, may I recommend a comfy blanket? They're thick and nice to wear.” I paused and zoned out from all the screaming chants of support for a moment to focus on Suki and her thoughts. “Yes...yes I would. You know me so well.” She gave a head nod, then took my head and turned me around so I’d be watching the mob of people pretend to be tides or something. They’d walk a foot towards the Dai Li, then walk a foot backwards. And the Colonel of the Dai Li? Well he was  _ over there  _ lying in a pool of his own indignity,  _ and that’s why you don’t drink and skate _ . As if competency is dictated by where I look, a pair of agents jumped off a roof and dragged their fallen Colonel away from the... _ is this really a battlefield?  _

I found the one person in the crowd who was dressed like a noble,  _ I wonder who it is _ , and tugged her by her collar and  _ slowly  _ dragged her out of this polite-happy-to-part-for-me mob and into a clearing where I could... _ uhh…  _ “Sukes! You know how to handle drunk women! Get over here!” She jogged over, taking all the time in the world. “If you  _ dare  _ mention Aoma and that one time with-” I cut her off. “You don’t mention my betrothed and I won’t talk about  _ your  _ second-in-command.” She fumed, but because she knew I was right, and I knew I was right, and Toph, wherever she was, knew I was wrong, Suki ceased mentioning the Empress  _ for the rest of this night _ .  _ Right? _ Back to the Lady of Hai-zao and her fruit pie friends. Suki went and dragged her elsewhere, since it’s always a good idea to isolate the ringleader and either execute them or convince them to stop being the ringleader,  _ what are we, Air Nomads? _ , or toss a bunch of money at them,  _ that’s the spirit _ , until they agree to our demands. But this was one of those times where we couldn’t just corrupt our way out of a problem. Because, as one of the Dai Li agents said to the crowd, “There are no problems in these walls!”  _ Yes. Keep telling yourself that.  _ And the crowd, being avid supporters of the Dai Li and apparently only the Dai Li -and Toph, because who wouldn’t support Toph,  _ note if you don’t support Toph I will find you and I will execute you and your entire extended family because she’s the Empress and everyone from Beihai which is a place that exists to Nanhai which is a place I made up must agree that she is the Empress. The end _ \- were happy to be...reeducated by the Dai Li. Having conversations with their favorite shadow organization only inspired their passions even further. 

Random villagers inquired about all kinds of Dai Li practices, including and not limited to: Where they live, do they like where they live, do they have families, do they like their families, do they have any spouses, what do they eat, what’s it like to share a bunk with a man you don’t know who has absolutely no value except as a means to an end for a secret police, what ethics do and don’t apply on party nights, and many many other questions of this ilk. And as it turns out, many of these agents warmed up to revealing  _ some  _ of the secrets that would normally get people killed. The reasoning being, these people were so weird that if they talked to anyone else they’d be considered nuts. The Dai Li live in barracks both above and underground, they have families, and sometimes girlfriends, and sometimes kids, they eat food like the rest of us, they can be sometimes found sharing couches in their common areas since apparently these pairs form a very tight training regimen and work regimen and almost never part except for death or retirement, yes, there is a Dai Li retirement, all ethics apply all the time and people have died for assuming that they don’t apply at specific unspecified times. And there were also questions of this ilk that I need not record since it’s not like I recorded the proper setup for this payoff. 

The ringleader was released because, well, come on, how often do we find people that  _ love  _ the Dai Li? Why  _ not  _ let someone that mentally unstable go free and live their life in some rural village halfway between some hill and some other hill. On a side note, I personally believe that the people here aren’t mentally unstable, they’re just what happens when refugees flee to Ba Sing Se and start life anew. Compared to the chaos that exists beyond the walls of Ba Sing Se, Ba Sing Se is nearly a utopia. Except for all the underlying problems that aren’t addressed.  _ Now, if only we were at the Imperial Court _ . Instead of that, because why would we do that, the Empress instructed us that we’d spend the night here while reinforcements arrive from the northwest to provide us newly built trucks. To show off how awesome our engineering is, four biplanes flew over the village for reconnaissance purposes.  _ At night _ . Oh well, I hope their mortality rate is lower than the norm of one in two.  _ Or was it one in ten? One in five?  _

The Empress, being the Empress, demanded that ‘we sleep outside’. And being a loyal Consort that I am, I followed her outside. There was a small bit of village green to the east of the town center, and that’s where Toph pitched her earth tent. A large earth tent, large enough that I could stand up and  _ not  _ bust my head open. Anyhow, this would be a normal night of me being the Imperial Pillow and Toph being Toph, but  _ at some point  _ while I slept, Toph randomly woke up yelling about...something. Because I’m a moron, it took the effort of one Suki to run in and have Toph whisper something to her. Something "do you her that?" and Suki going "No" and Toph going "go inside the town center and check." Before Suki could leave, "Kyoshi, go with her!" and I sat up, tried not to bash my head against the roof, and agreed. Then Suki and I, dressed in whatever clothes we were wearing, ran  _ inside  _ the town center and ran  _ upstairs _ and started kicking doors down until…

In the words of Pu-On Tim, if it exists, it can be oogies. Such was how we found the Lady of Hai-zao, dressed like a Dai Li agent, and some...random nameless man, who was lacking clothing of any kind. I can't really put this into words, but the woman who wasn't a Dai Li agent seemed to steal the Dai Li agent's robes, put them on, and took to using them in situations they probably shouldn't be used for. I guess she finally learned how Dai Li multiply, at least.  _ Right. One whiskey please? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we finally, finally, return to the Imperial Palace for some rulership!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Dai Li fans, fangirls, and you, the person reading this:  
> -This whole premise was based on multiple things: One, a Twilight Zone episode where the characters end up in a village somewhere with a bunch of strange people living in it. I won't spoil the ending, but that episode and this chapter don't end the same way. Two, the idea of having a town run by a Dai Li fangirl lacking any Dai Li decorations because the villagers and farmers appear normal (see Twilight Zone) but aren't. 
> 
> -The name of the chapter is derived from the Chinese name for seaweed (海藻 / Haizao), in honor of perhaps the weirdest non-smut fanclub to ever grace the Avatar fandom, the Dai Li Seaweeds. For those not in the know, it's a group of nine, with two or three and sometimes four active, who discuss the intricacies of the Dai Li. Everything from uniforms to 'why did Long Feng give up the city' are discussed. Don't confuse this with the Karmafarm r/LakeLaogai , these people are serious. If the Dai Li do it, it's discussed. How do they raise families? Are there noble lines of Dai Li that have been around forever? And more. So, this chapter is the first one I've ever written partially dedicated to anyone, namely, those weirdos. 
> 
> -Mori used to hunt duck-geese, not gull-crows. But he's Mori, so mistakes are allowed. Gull-crows have crow beaks colored like gulls, gulls' eyes, and a mix of black and white feathers. Direct inspiration (trying to visualize this scene), picture a Hooded Crow (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hooded_crow).  
> -'While of us takes up the vanguard' is a joke about how whoever drives in the vanguard gets prestige from being in the vanguard, thus competition.  
> -'Imperial trucks do not break down and the Emperor does not screw up' is a very specific reference to a specific black comedy.  
> -Shwo was the temple-village Toph, Mori, Wuhan and Suki stopped off at on their way into the Two Lovers' Mountains.  
> -Tu-Jia is Foaming Mouth Guy. In my writing, he becomes a popular musician before competing with the Cabbage Merchant's band, The Cabbages, in a Battle of the Bands in Omashu.   
> -The Lady of Haizao and Secret Shadow Painter are dedicated to the two oldest members of the 'Dai Li Seaweeds' group. This idea of having weird people running around in a village worked even better with the Twilight Zone premise.  
> -The idea of meeting a nuclear, 'stereotypical', rural family in the Empire was something I always wanted to do. This scenery and nuclear family premise was based on Fiddler on the Roof: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRdfX7ut8gw ).   
> -The painting that the nameless, mysterious, Painter draws looks a lot like this ( https://www.amazon.com/1870-1924-Nvladimir-Communist-Shushenskoye-1897-1900/dp/B07D65SHR4 ) except replacing characters where necessary. Why this painting? I like finding something to base my portraits on, even if my descriptions are awful. As for why this painting? I like having the two Imperials talking to farmers and that being recorded. It's a big boost to popular support.  
> -The villagers asking those questions at the end of the chapter is in honor of the whole town being Dai-Li obsessed, or, all the Dai Li 'Seaweed' fans getting the chance to meet the real Dai Li and asking them these questions.


	27. If It Exists, There’s A Medal for It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who needs competency? Just hand out medals to people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUST READ:  
> -A miao is a second, a fen is a minute, a dian is a portion of the hour.  
> (Back to your regular scheduled nonsense):

Chapter Ninety-One:

There’s this  _ wonderful  _ thing called sleep. The Imperial Palace has the comfiest sheets of all the Palaces. Okay, I haven’t been to the following Palaces: Imperial Garden Palace in Helong, the Imperial Summer Palace in Taizigou, the Imperial River Palace over in Yankou, the ruins of the Yanbian River Palace, as destroyed by  _ someone _ , the ruins of the Taku Palace in Taku, the Shiguai Island Palace on that one island to the east, or the Imperial Hunting Cottage -which is actually a palace- in Zhengxing, east of the Northern Air Temple. Having been to Yu Dao’s tiny three story, only fifty rooms, Colonial Palace, and having been to the Royal Palace in Caldera, both are inferior to our mighty Imperial Palace. Yes, this is a Palace-measuring contest. We have nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine rooms, for only the Jade Palace of the Jade Emperor, or whatever the sky-guy’s name is, has ten thousand of anything. Of those nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine rooms, only  _ one  _ has the comfiest sheets of all. And no, it’s not the Consort’s bed. It’s the Empress’s. 

_ Bang. Bang.  _ “I’m asleep!” the young woman who was definitely asleep  _ shouted _ . “And I’m awake!” I added. “Your Majesties, it is  _ wugeng and one dian! _ ” an attendant spoke with a quiet, soft, Middle Ring voice. “But I’m asleep!” the young woman adjusted her pillow made from the finest exotic birds, probably a peacock-pheasant or ten. That pillow rested on my chest. And my chest rested on fine silks brought from silk farms in the Upper Ring. Blankets, some of thick fur, some thin silk, all equally soft, wrapped us in layers of gold and rich green. “What’s ‘wugheng’ in Kyoshi time?” I shouted hoping my Captain would be around. “It’s twilight preceding dawn, Your Majesty!”  _ thanks Sukes. Now go to sleep. Nobody’s assassinating us today. As of this morning we have absolutely no rivals in the entire Empire. As of this afternoon...that’s to be seen _ . 

“Toph, can I wake up?” and I was greeted with a hand grabbing my chin. “You are asleep, are you not?” the voice stated matter-of-factly, and she shook my chin for me. “I am asleep.” I received one shoulder fist slam. “Then do the sleep thing. Because I will” she pulled the cover up even more, and went back to resting on my chest. She snored loudly. Loud enough to drown out “Are Your Majesties intending to attend the attending of the prayers!” or something like that.  _ Yes, Toph is the most pious of all. And by pious I mean nose-pickiest.  _ “I’m not attending them because I’m asleep!” I definitely shouted because I was asleep, right. I can’t win against an earthbender in a duel. Sleeping is like a duel, according to that one drunk. Why would I win against the best earthbender? 

I tried to go back to sleep but the call to arms inspired me to get up. And by call to arms I mean if I hear another attendant shout the name of a time I still haven’t fully grasped, I’m going to get tired and if I get tired I wake up. And by tired I mean annoyed. She got annoyed because “your heart is constantly thumping.” “That’s just me...uh...having a hard time sleeping?” and I got a chest shove. “Go, get up and talk to the Ministers. Then my Imperial Pillow will return.” “Are you serious?” I asked, unsure if I was in reality or a dream. “Go. Go play with Court. Have fun” and I found myself being rolled off the bed. I stopped that roll, swiveled my legs, and stood up. Ceasing my private voice and exchanging it for the one I’d be using for the rest of the day, “we both know it’s never that easy.”  _ But at least, for the first time since we got to Ba Sing Se, you’ll actually let me get up and go to Court. Very nice.  _

I grabbed my Imperial Robes from the small hanger next to the bed and tossed them on. An attendant would come in every few, uh, _dian_ , and make sure the one lantern was lit. Since it’s not like Toph cares if there’s light or not, it’s one of the few things I can possess inside this room. I’ll take full use of it. I’d rather not waste our candle budget if we don’t need it, but I also see, _ha_ , the necessity of having a candle, well lantern, constantly lit. It’s enough that I won’t be woken in the middle of the night from ‘why does everything look on fire’, but also enough that should the two of us care for a middle of night wrestling match, _by Kyoshi, there’s nothing like spending a whole day reading, writing and practicing the arts only to try and go to sleep and find that your companion and person using you as a pillow is more interested in practicing her wrestling than sleeping._ _Not that I regret it, but...can we sleep some time? Yes? No? Never? Oh, okay then._ Point is, that lantern means I might have a chance at seeing what I’m doing. It doesn’t mean I’ll win. More importantly, it's the light by which I record all these fascinating delusion pieces of work. Like last night when I compiled a multitude of accounts on the pilots who fought during Sozin’s Comet and at Azure Harbor into a draft.

It’s going to be called “On Gilded Wings” because I’m told to give my writing fancy names. It covers the many similar accounts of heroics of those of us who were cowardly, I mean heroic, enough to survive both battles. Excluding Wuhan and myself there are three other people to whom fought at both battles. The writing puts together the variety of aerial maneuvers employed to counter batteries from mobile airships and sea-locked watercraft. These all sound fancy but in short, we knew how to turn right and left on the stick. The biggest section is each pilot’s checklist, including my own. Teo’s getting a credit as author despite never approving of this writing. His personal checklist is the introduction because there’s no need for poetry when we’re all trying to not die. Also, the mortality rate of pilots is something like nine out of ten. I can thank the  _ other  _ reports from Azure Harbor for that. Of those, I think four out of ten are from mechanical failures. Like parts of the aircraft falling off mid flight. Or the tail snapping off for no discernable reason. Or one of the wings not having every screw in, so you find your biplane being a monoplane. Then you find yourself a corpse, of course. Most of the living pilots looked over their aircraft before takeoff instead of praying to the spirits. To quote a section, “If while overviewing your chosen vehicle, the control stick pops out, it is  _ not  _ a good idea to take off.” Even if you do all this, there’s no guarantee of survival. 

A great personal experience is the time I fought the Fire Navy at the Azure Docks: Or: That time a bunch of biplanes and monoplanes went up against Fire Jets, the wondrous little flame-jet-powered machines of death. While attacking said navy, one of my torpedo safety caps snapped off. The safety cap. The little piece of metal designed from preventing you from accidentally dropping the explosive on your own side. Then the button itself peeled off by it’s own free will and took to the skies. I had to jam the space where the button was supposed to be to trigger the release. I didn’t know it then but I had dislocated my finger in the process. An additional note, of all my landings during wartime, I believe only one has been without the wheels falling off. Not because I’m terrible at landing, but because the wheels on these aircraft don’t like the concept of ‘landing’.  _ Anyways _ .

I opened the small door connecting the massive, the size of a Middle Ring house, Empress’s Bedroom and my humble Consort’s room that I never used. I call it humble, it’s one of the largest bedrooms in the Three Nations and One Man and people keep filling it with incense assuming it’s actually going to be used. Another fun thing about the Palace, there’s a never ending supply of incense and flowers. Want to smell like spring in winter? It’s springtime  _ somewhere  _ and wherever that is, they’ll be sending us every kind of lotion and burnable stick imaginable. 

The moment I stepped into the room, a lantern-carrying attendant walked in, placed the lantern on a holder, and kowtowed. Before she could give her rehearsed speech, I gave my tried-and-tested responses that I didn’t even need to think through because I’ve been asked them many times. “Yes, I’m here to put on clothes. No, I’m not going to pray. Yes, I’m going to meet the Ministers. No, I’m not planning to leave the city. No, I did not do the heir-making thing yesterday please stop asking. Yes, I’d like whatever this season’s variant is. No, the Avatar is not allowed in. Yes, the Fire Lord is quite welcome to have a meeting on the Thousand Steps should His Royal...I forgot, His Royalness, wish to do the meeting.” The attendant rose from her kowtow and with a voice as soft as a light dusting of snow, “I was just here to inform Your Majesty of the new Emperor’s Army Standard Uniform”.  _ Excuse me? _ “Army Standard Uniform?” “A draft approved unanimously by the Council of Five.” And thus began my favorite word, and by favorite I mean the word I hear all the time. Unanimously. Everyone’s always fully supporting everything. I guess the ones that aren’t, well they never existed to begin with. 

“Bring it in.” three words, one command, and more attendants poured in through the main doorway bearing lanterns. The room brightened to the point I could see what was happening. It took four people to carry one uniform that looked no larger than the rest of my clothing cabinent’s clothing selection. It looked like every other Imperial Army Officer’s piece of clothing. I don’t know what took a unanimous agreement but here it was. A piece of clothing. Two attendants carried in a small chest and placed it on the perfectly made Consort’s bed and a third one opened it. “What’s all the glinting?” was all I could say because all the glinting blinded me. “Your Majesty, these are the  _ medals  _ that will be affixed to the front of this uniform” and she picked up one of them. “Would Your Majesty like an overview of all the medals?”  _ Aren’t I here to just put on a robe? Oh wait, it's the Earth Empire.  _ “Sure” I couldn’t be more bored.

“This is the Medal for the Defense of the Second Siege of Ba Sing Se” and she held up a metal that looked like an overhead map of Ba Sing Se, romanticized. Or, the Earth Kingdom emblem, modified. Three perfect circles, the first and second inside the third. Gold circles. Inside the first one, a small glinting green gemstone. Oh how poetic, because the Imperial Palace is... _ not green, though _ . Fine, fine, there’s poetry to having the Earth Empire’s emblem, an earth coin, repurposed to look like a medal.  _ There’s poetry to it, and I still hate it _ . “Is this just for me?” I asked. “I don’t think so, Your Majesty. There’s a letter in here, somewhere” and she  _ dug  _ into this large chest. “Here it is.” and she handed it to me. 

_ The New Imperial Medalling System: Rewarding Soldier and Citizen for valiantry, dignity and servitude in the face of impossible odds.  _

Did we need to reform the Imperial Army? Yes. So what were we doing instead? Medals.

She stuck the first medal into a spot on this Imperial Officer’s garb. Then she produced a second medal. “This is the Medal of the Mo Ce Campaign” _ I’m sorry, what? We’re doing Campaign medals? _ “Why is there a campaign medal?” I asked the woman who was picked by the Imperial...Minister of Households? I have no idea, for servitude or doing well as a servant or because she asked for the job. Or it was political and she was inept. Who knows. She didn’t know the answer to my question, as I should’ve expected. It was a medal with a tide on the bottom half and a small three masted junk on the top, the junk bearing half blue half green sails.  _ Great. I’m so impressed. A boat. That’s the most memorable thing? _ She stuck the second medal beneath the first one. 

“And this is the Medal for the Mo Ce Blockade”  _ Oh for the name of Toph.  _ Credit where it’s due, that was a bloody battle that was mostly the product of an army of waterbenders drowning our troops by accident and one boomerang wielder bonking the Admiral of the Southern Fleet’s head by accident. I think. Oh, and let’s not forget the Avatar and other waterbenders causing the tides to get so rough that most of our vanguard ships were capsized. We lost thousands that day to a pacifist who’s never hurt a fly. As for the medal, it was an overhead look of three Fire Navy cruisers with the one on the ‘right’ in the process of launching a trebuchet. A single trebuchet, because I guess four is too many. It went next to the Second Siege medal.

Out came another medal and now it dawned on me, like the coming dawn, that I’d be here all day. “Here is the Medal for the Liberation of the North Pole.” A battle that took about a day or maybe five because time measurement was hard up here. Which also wasn’t a liberation of any kind. It was justice to a bunch of chauvinists who dishonored our monarch. And  _ we  _ weren’t liberating the North Pole. Toph and I were having a  _ sleepover  _ up near the North Pole. Big big difference. It was a medal of the Northern Water Tribe capital’s famous wall with a hole busted in it. 

“And here, the Medal for the Offensive Against the Rebels in the Fourth Month of the First Empress.” She said all that with  _ ease _ . She must’ve practiced it well because each word got enunciated and strung together fluidly. Before she could affix it to the clothing, “I wasn’t participating in that. I walked through the rebel army and walked to some fort, found a drunk guy, then got on a monorail.” I explained to her. So she put the medal back in the box of medals. “But here it says Your Majesty valiantly fought the-” I cut her off, because I’d rather be honest. “Suki whacked a guy, I bought her a drink, we got lost and King Bumi killed a couple thousand people with his earthbending. That’s not fighting.” Showcased was an image of an Imperial soldier in soldier’s wear fighting a sandbender with a spear. A duel that definitely occurred and isn’t fabricated at all. I’m betting on the sandbender, honestly. 

So she presented a  _ different  _ medal. “How about the Medal for Defense Against the Rebels in the-” “No. We have another couple dozen in there right?” I guessed, judging by how many campaigns we’ve yet to go through. She nodded like the Avatar when he finds out he can go pursue a hobby instead of taking responsibilities. Jokes aside, the Avatar has more interest in responsibilities than  _ that  _ but it won’t stop the running jokes.  _ Or, I hope he has more responsibility than that. I have no idea. The Egg seems blissfully unaware _ .

“In the name of Her Imperial Majesty, if you pull a ‘Team Avatar’ medal out of there I’m going to combust and I’m not even a firebender.” The woman calmly retrieved a different medal and reassured me that “there are no such medals in this chest, Your Majesty,” possibly implying there are other medals in other chests, so I asked “is there another chest somewhere?” to which she indecisively stood there confused. For no reason, correction, this reminded me of the Dai Li, I inquired about a possible location of medals. “Is there a chest of requisitioned Team Avatar medals under Lake Laogai?” After a few  _ miao _ , that’s a time I know, it’s a few moments, she shook her head. “I’ve never been there” great, great, the  _ one  _ person I need to have been from or to Lake Laogai isn’t from there. I looked up at the dark ceiling. “Ceiling Dai Li. I know you’re up there.” and sure enough a man called out “Good Twilight to Your Majesty” and probably waved his hand, too. “Hey, do either of you know of a chest of medals hiding in Lake Laogai?” and they, too, remained silent before someone spoke up “last time I was there there wasn’t one.” “When was that?” “A few months ago.”  _ That’s so helpful. What are you, constantly-assigned-to-Palace Dai Li? Of course you are. _

“This is the Medal for the Capture of Yu Dao.” and she held up another medal. This one was more appropriate. I recall using my blade once or maybe twice during that battle. For some reason trying to think back to that reminds me of Song praying about honorable foes and Toph spinning someone around in a metal tube. I must consult the Imperial Archives. Not this moment, I have to go through all the medals first. This medal, for the record, was of the city of Yu Dao. The city’s shaped like a semi-circle. The Mo Ce coast is off to the bottom of the medal, meaning we’re ‘looking’ at the medal with the directions altered. North is the left, south the right. As with the rest, it’s made of bronze.

After that medal went on the garb, yet another was produced. “The Medal for the Defeat of Insurrectionists in Yu Dao During the First Year of the First Empress.” The year's clarification is to distinguish this from medals awarded in future due to future rebellions, for even the Imperial Army knows how to futureproof itself.  _ Not in everything, but in medals _ . This was a generic medal of a dao,  _ wait a dao? For Yu Dao?  _ As with above, it included the same overhead map of Yu Dao from the last bronze medal. This one also went on one of the lower parts of my robes. I guess it isn’t as important.  _ Only in the Empire do battles not count as important because thousands of people die in each one. Usually. _

A special -  _ you can tell it’s special because it’s not made of bronze _ \- medal was drawn out. “The Medal for the Six Survivors of the Aerial Skirmish over Wulong, Sozin’s Comet”. It was  _ beautiful _ . A very ornate side-view of a biplane,  _ hey I remember who flew that _ , cast in a bright blue and bright green, bearing the Imperial Sigil where the aircraft’s emblem would usually go. The sky was cast in blood red, a great fit, and a large airship with that distinctive phoenix prow was charging the biplane from the comfort of the background. No, that did  _ not  _ happen, yes, airship slices happened instead, also that specific airship took some explosives to the face. It was pinned on above the first row of medals, high enough that it wouldn’t block the prestigious -genuinely earned- Battle medals. 

If that was enough, that would be enough. But that was not enough. Because this is the Earth Empire! We took thousands of years to discover powered flight despite living on the same continent as airbenders and it took one old man in a hut in the Fire Nation a few days to discover flame-jet-fuelled dive-bombing strike aircraft.  _ Why? I’d wager the Fire Nation has the drive for technological prowess while our side’s busy living in the same conditions their long-dead ancestors lived in _ . Out came yet another medal. “The Medal for the Defense of Yu Dao During Sozin’s Comet.” Which, unlike half of the medals so far, is a well-earned medal that  _ should  _ exist. It was in bronze, as if it was being downgraded to the rest of them. Nonetheless, it is still a medal and it’s to be worn with pride and remembrance of that day. It was of the city from the perspective of someone standing on the Southern Range. The city was smoldering with three airships flying over the city, raining fire down on it.

Next, as if at a random time, “the Medal for the Defense of the Imperial Family with Silver.”  _ But I’m the Imperial...so do I receive this medal every other day when I get...oh forget it.  _ It bore the Imperial Sigil in silver, not bronze, and featured the fan and flying boar competing in a staring contest, where just like their real life counterparts, the contest is impossible to win with one part lacking vision and the other lacking drive. I guess I didn’t need to ask  _ why  _ I got this medal, as if it was a product of all the fighting. It went on the opposite side of the clothing. 

So I thought there was just one “Medal for the Defense of the Imperial Family” but no, there’s more than one. So I get to stand there, growing old with every moment, and she digs into this chestful of  _ there’s a chest full of medals _ and drew out an identical medal, but in gold with the two dynastic emblems represented by  _ tiny  _ ornate gemstones. “The Medal for the Personal Defense of the Empress, in Gold.” So I received a medal for defending myself, and a medal for defending Her Imperial Majesty. What next, being related to Kyoshi? I have to guess this medal is both very rare across the Earth Empire and very common inside this Palace. 

“The Medal for Guerrilla Actions Against the Rebels in Osaka During the First Year of the First Empress.” On it, a bronze medal with what I assume is supposed to be a white-sheet wearing man dueling a figure in the garb of the Imperial Army. I say assume because maybe it's the other way around. It would make sense if all the men wearing white sheets were commemorated in such an appropriate fashion. The white-sheet men stood no chance of living, but at least they died looking cool. That counts for something. This medal was placed amongst the others.

“The Medal for Liberation of Osaka” she said as she drew out another bronze medal. Note the wording. We had captured Osaka once before. Then we lost it. Thus the previous medal. Now we were  _ liberating  _ it from the occupation by...teenage rebels? I forgot which band of idiots was officially holding it. This medal is by far the best of the generic ones. An artillery piece mid-launch as a city smolders in the background. It should also be noted that for all these battles, cities, defensive operations, and so on, the characters for the operation are written on the bottom of the medal. I suppose this would help distinguish  _ this  _ artillery from a different one. It joined the rank of medals. 

Up next, she pulled out two medals instead of one because I guess the stakes need to be ramped up? There’s no such thing as too many medals, or so hypothetically stated the man or woman who concluded that this was the best use of my time. “The Medal for the Defense of the Azure Docks” in one hand and “the Medal for the Aerial Offensive at Azure Docks.” The ‘defense’ one was in bronze, the aerial one in gold. Nice and shiny gold. Since there’s so few of us to give the medal to, it's easy to be produced in gold. We  _ have  _ the gold to outfit everyone with medals, probably, but this is the Empire, nepotism and preference always come first. The generic bronze one was an overhead of the pincer-like dockyard. The gold one was of a Fire Navy cruiser with a big explosion in the middle, ascending to the skies where four biplanes circled. The bronze one joined his friends, the gold one joined one of the higher racks. Yes, I’m calling these racks now. There’s enough medals and I hear clicking so  _ there’s going to be more isn’t there? _

“The Medal for the Crescent Island Campaign” and she pulled a bronze medal out. This one was...theoretically? deserved. I recall a dragon and some madmen, sorry, mad-people, in aircraft blowing up ships. This medal bore the distinct Crescent Island from a sort-of birdseye or overhead view. Except it was also from a distance, so the island looked as tall and pointy as the real thing. A very simple medal, in all honesty.  _ And a campaign I had no participation in. But I was standing in the vicinity as Druk laid waste to his old countrymen.  _

The following medal was also ‘simple’. “The Medal for the Royal Caldera City Campaign” is what it says it is. An overhead view of the city adjusted slightly so the volcano sits in the top-right and the coastline in the bottom-left. It’s a silver medal and she happily stuffed it above the bronze ones and below the gold ranks. I don’t know why Yu Dao gets bronze and this gets silver, but I’m also not the one deciding who gets what medals. 

The next one is when the rails started going off. When the cactus juice got to the heads of the designers. “The Medal for the First Bombardment of Royal Caldera City” _First? Are we planning more?_ And out came a medal in silver. On it, the silhouette of the Imperial Siege Cannon. How do I know it’s that and not a regular artillery piece? Someone’s house is used as a perspective marker. And that’s not just anyone’s house, that’s where I was sleeping. I was inside that not-a-house, inside an earth tent, lying next to the Empress while the artillerists brought up and put together the massive war machine. I still remember the ‘ _Crack, quake, boom._ ’ The piece is mid-firing by someone so small they’re invisible. Or maybe they left the operators out. The smoke is billowing out the front of the artillery piece while a shell the size of most people’s teenage daughters takes flight. Young teenage daughters, not older. And also not from Kyoshi Island. Yes, I measured it. It’s Toph-sized. 

I mentioned people leaving rails. Now is when they took flight. “The Medal for the Siege of Royal Caldera City.” A golden medal, okay this one’s going to be  _ slightly  _ more common, and I have to wonder how much gold was needed, how many men were awarded this, and so on. No Avatars were in sight in real life for that battle. It was down to sheer grit and blood that we won. It just shows that the average Imperial  _ can  _ succeed at something, even if we’re tossing thousands of people to their deaths from incompetence. The medal features a dug in trench in the foreground, a set of firebender helmets sticking out of it. In the midground, behind the busts, a street with buildings on either side. The street comes to a point of sorts, or rather vanishes entirely, in the background. At which point it is replaced by the center attraction of Caldera, the best place to be, the volcano. This medal was worn above every other medal except the one awarded to six people.  _ You know what, remembering that battle, I accept this medal’s position _ . 

“We’re reaching recent events, is that all?” I finally opened my mouth and asked. “No, a few more” she said with a smile. Pinning medals to a piece of clothing I’m almost never going to be wearing pleased her. And hey, everyone’s free to obtain enjoyment from whatever source they wish. But since when are medals being pinned a source of happiness? Of joy? They are medals. Then again maybe I should take the opposite advice of many in the Earth Empire’s military and ‘look at things from different angles, from different perspectives’. In that case no wonder she’s happy, she gets to do her lifelong-desired job,  _ which might also be because she gets paid really well and her family gets living quarters near the Imperial Palace,  _ though considering the fanaticism of some in the population I wouldn’t be surprised if she outright rejected payment,  _ though we still pay her family because we aren’t mean _ .

“The Medal for the Capture of the Royal Fire Palace.” A note, I don’t know if that’s the official name. Not the medal, the term ‘Royal Fire Palace’. I’d think Royal Palace of the Fire Nation, Royal Palace of Caldera, maybe something like that. _ It’ll do, I guess. _ This medal was gold, like the last one, and featured the Royal Fire Palace without anything fancy like the sky being smoke or the pile of bodies. Of special note is a small green gem in the top spire of the Royal Fire Palace. Like other medals, this one has the Earth Empire’s emblem at the very top of the medal. This one happens to look just a bit more prominent, which is a nice touch as a counterbalance for the tens of thousands of dead troops we lost to put a flag on that Palace’s spire.  _ And the city was barely populated and we lost that many _ .

So that was it, right? Siege is over, time to- “The Imperial Order of Victory over the Fire Nation” and out came a medal in green. I get that us Imperials love our greens but...is this really the best use of minerals? I guess it is. It's not like we need to get to today’s activities of beginning the process of reforming the Imperial Army from an organization  _ that is busy creating medals  _ to an organization that can maintain a field force without mass desertion. Speaking of nonsense, this medal. It was multilayered. The Earth Empire’s coin in all its green and gold glory in the middle, the same size as a regular piece of currency. A gold  _ dao  _ and  _ jian  _ are crossed behind it. A turret-bearing tundra tank, also gold, is below the coin facing the left while a biplane, also gold, is above the coin facing the right. I don’t know how much of our money was spent on medals but at least the medals look pretty, right?  _ Right? It better be. That’s a good use of our resources.  _

“Thank you all, but I thought all you stiff attendants were here to help me put on clothes.” I commented and or requested, depending on my tone, as she stuck the last medal into a spot next to the gold ‘Empress’ medal. “I believe there are still more medals in this chest, Your Majesty.” the same woman with her soft lovable voice spoke out while reaching into the endless chest of endless plenty. “You got a hundred years of medals in there?” I joked. “If there’s a battle or campaign-” I cut her off. “I get it.” and I took her hands out of the chest and closed the chest lid. And bolted it. And might’ve tossed it out the window except I really,  _ really,  _ couldn’t be bothered. So I did the next best thing. “Dai Li! Put this chest somewhere in this room. In future I might come back and put on the other medals that apply to me!” and the two agents fell from the high ceiling, stuck the landings, bowed, and took the chest from my hand and placed it next to a dresser of some kind. 

I had a choice, put on the Officer’s clothes or put on my Imperial Summertime Robes. I may laugh at the outfit they just toiled over for the past  _ dian  _ or three of time, but they just toiled over this outfit for the past  _ dian  _ or three of time. I can appreciate hard work like that. Even if it’s useless. “The Emperor’s Army Standard Uniform” and the attendants picked up the outfit while I tried to stand still. Even the name is hilarious.  _ ‘Standard?’ What’s standard about it? _ On the bonus side, I think the crossbows will bounce off the amount of medals I’m wearing. Eighteen medals.  _ Maybe more, I lost count somewhere near the end _ . A box of others. 

Officially the attendants will help Toph and I put on  _ everything _ . Now, I’m not a fan of pulling off my clothes in front of a small army of women I don’t know. “Out, all of you! I’ll summon you after!” and unlike in the Fire Nation, these people were used to such instructions. I undressed, washed up, redressed in my Imperial Informal Robes, a fresh pair just pulled out of my bedroom’s clothing cabinet, and recalled them in. They helped me into this weighty, clunky, piece of gear. I put on the Emperor’s official court hat, the  _ guanmao _ . My hair was undone and redone into a queue. Finally, my trusty scabbard and  _ jian  _ were tucked away inside, waiting for a good  _ slice _ . 

I opened the door, the Imperial Guard who were patiently standing there kowtowed. Suki was one door down but noticed the bowing and looked my way. She  _ saw  _ me and cried in laughter. “I’m off to the Ministers” I told her as I walked past the kowtowing guards. “Have a good day, Emperor of Jewelry Stores.” 

I will. If we can get anything done. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, meet the long awaited Court! 
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Distracted, Medallic Wielding Folks:  
> -Do you want to be as confused as Mori in terms of Palaces? Here you go: The Imperial Garden Palace in Helong does not exist, but there are a dozen different Imperial Garden Palaces scattered throughout the Upper Ring.  
> -The Imperial Summer Palace of Taizigou does exist, but it's smaller than others. Since Taizigou is far enough north that the Midnight Sun exists, it's a great summer retreat from the city.  
> -The Imperial River Palace is the largest of all the outside Ba Sing Se Palaces, taking the role of this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summer_Palace ), except located outside of Ba Sing Se.  
> -The Taku Palace belonged to the Merchant Kings of Taku, not the Badgermole Throne  
> -The Imperial Hunting Cottage is to the northwest of Ba Sing Se, for use by Earth Kings back when they used to go on great hunts.  
> -Of course, Mori neglects to mention that the past couple Earth Kings never left Ba Sing Se and as such never used any of these Palaces.  
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> -Appendix on Time:  
> -I used a mix of ancient Chinese time and modern. Anything larger than a minute will be using the older system.  
> -Second = Miao  
> -Minute = Fen  
> -A part of an hour (20-24 minutes to be precise) = Dian . Coincidentally, that's the same as a 'finger of time' from 'Records'.  
> \- ~An hour = Geng  
> -"Wugeng and one dian" - 5:12am.  
> -In future chapters, I won't be going into complicated time counting. Mori's going to reference miao, fen and dian as units of time. Why? I don't want the rest of you to have to pull out an appendix to figure out what time it is. Just remember, a miao is a second, a fen is a minute and a dian is anywhere between 20 to half an hour (variable since Mori's a mor-on).  
> -In universe, between last chapter and this one, Mori read up on his units of time.  
> \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> -The two Imperials are brutally competitive in wrestling matches. Each one has advantages, Toph's agile and can use her hands and legs with ease, a virtue of being a crazy earthbending prodigy and illegal underground wrestler. Mori's larger and has longer reach and is more experienced with bed-based wrestling, since he and Suki warred by means of wrestling. When the two Imperials lock hands, one of them is going to get thrown off the bed. That's a given.  
> -The Emperor's Army Standard Uniform is not standard, as you can see.  
> -This chapter reflects the backwards thinking of Ba Sing Se. Call it an introduction to Court before you get to Court. Instead of worrying about daofei or crises on the horizon, they're designing clothes.  
> -The chapter's premise was based on the Red Army's extravagant collection of medals and how the top generals always had chests of medals. For once, the Qing Dynasty can't be blamed for something.  
> -Most of this chapter is a reference or ten to the events of Records as perceived in-universe. This catches new readers up on why Mori's as popular, militarily, as he is. And for old readers: Well it's nice to have you around! (Not every medal will be covered, as some are self-explanatory)  
> -Second Siege of Ba Sing Se is when Mori lost his eye (no medal for that, though).  
> -The Mo Ce preceded Black Sun  
> -The Northern Water Tribe was what distracted the then-Queen from participating in Black Sun  
> -'Against the Rebels' is the Protectorate Rebellion  
> -'Defeat of Insurrectionists' is when Mori killed all of Morishita's allies.  
> -For Mori's defense of his Empress many, many times, he only gets one medal.  
> -The Imperial Siege Cannon will return  
> -Mori's hat is the same hat Kuei wears.


	28. If It Exists, There’s A Ministry for It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the ministers we've been building up to for the past 27 chapters! I promise they're excellent at their jobs

Chapter Ninety Two:

_ Gong. _ “All officials are to enter the Imperial Palace to see Her Imperial Majesty!” a man with the land’s greatest lungs shouted at such a high voice I could hear him from all the way over here at the Badgermole Throne. He was  _ out there _ , over on the top of the Thousand Steps. Which is...over there, like a thousand feet from over here. The Throne Room was awash in the finest greens from the lanterns hanging off each pillar. I tapped on the seat cushion of my Consort Throne, as if I needed to make sure this wasn’t a dream. Because  _ sometimes _ , sometimes, I wake up and forget that all of this is reality. This is me. This is my job.  _ Does Fire Lord Zuko ever feel the same? Maybe not him, he’s the powerful bender and actual ruler. Does Lady Mai ever feel the same? Wake up, shower, dress, get distracted in the dressing room because medals, march off to Morning Court? Probably not, the Fire Nation’s better than that. Which is why they actually did well in the Hundred Year War. We just have more people.  _

“Morning Court is now in session!” announced a courtier from the other end of the hall. We - _ ha, ‘we’, this is the Ministers’ jobs _ \- pick courtiers with exceptional voices to have one purpose: shout commands and proceedings. Not all courtiers, some courtiers are picked for other duties, but these courtiers, the heralds, are picked for their heraldring,  _ no way, right? _ , of dictations. Such as screaming ‘Morning Court is now in session!’ so loud that it can be heard across the Imperial Palace Grounds. While they did that, I sat down on the seat, my humble little seat, and grabbed the armrests. While feeling these armrests, I opted to turn to the side and look at the vacant Badgermole Throne. I’ve never actually felt the Badgermole Throne’s armrests. Do they also have cushioned armrests that don’t cushion enough if you grab them too hard? I suppose I’ll never know. I won’t dare touch them, they’re holy, and meant for only one person in all Three Nations and One Egg to grab. And that woman’s asleep. Though, when she was first given the seat, she took to grabbing one of the armrests so hard I think she damaged it.  _ Anyways, back to this.  _

A detachment of the Imperial Guard marched in, in perfect lockstep. They marched in two lines with one man in the middle. He halted, drew his dao, and shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” The others repeated the shout. I’m surprised the dozens of Imperial Guard lining the walls of this room  _ also  _ don’t give such a shout. Maybe they already did and I was too busy thinking of armrests.  _ Those armrests, though _ . 

What’s older: earthbending or the Imperial Court? Was it a product of a mythical King? Was it something Huang introduced? Was it started by an ancient Earth Avatar who wanted the highest, greatest, minds of his or her Kingdom to gather in one large chamber and discuss matters? I don’t know. There’s a hundred origin stories for it with some suggesting it’s as old as the Mandate and some saying it’s ‘more recent’.  _ More recent being a few thousand years ago _ . Formerly known as the Royal Court in honor of the Royal Earth Kings, who were very royal, being the descendants of royalty and also themselves being royal, the Imperial Court -I think the name fits the scale of our realm- is the one institution that has carried through no matter the mass uprising, rebellious warlord, or Fire Nation offensive. Everything can be on fire, and Court will still be in session Whether or not they caused such wars through their high-level wits is up for talks. 

What kind of ruler has such a fancy Throne without also choosing to hold court in the same room? The Imperial Court is composed of every Excellency, Minister, Deputy Minister and Governor who could be bothered to wake up the preceding twilight to attend. Collectively, these old men are supposed to  _ advise  _ the Badgermole Throne. Each one has his own administrative region, and no that’s not a physical region I’m referring to things like ‘supervisor of food stocks’ and ‘supervisor of Her Imperial Majesty’s ostrich horse stables’. After the lines of Imperial Guard took their places on either side of the glorious green stone flooring, in came the Earth Empire’s finest. 

The Grand Excellency Over the Masses was first. Ayato, a fifty one year old. He grew up in the southeastern foothills of the lands the Avatar would call the Northern Air Temple. For us Imperials, it's the lands of Tianzhu. His job is supposedly to help draw up the Imperial Budget, his official job is to help oversee food stocks. A past Earth King decided that this role should deserve holding authority over three ministries: the Minister Coachman, the Minister of Justice and the Minister Herald. He quietly kowtowed, bopping his head, rose and walked over to his position. 

The Grand Excellency of Works was next. Yong-Fang, a sixty two year old queue-less man. In place of that, he wore a tassel similar to the Dai Li atop his hat. I believe he hails from the lands of Teng. East of Wahee, a name that I actually had heard of before, he spent his youth in the shadow of the sandpit known as the Si Wong. His job was to, guess, oversee “Public Works Projects”. In other words, he bossed other people around to  _ maybe  _ get something built. In more recent times, his status has seemed to become...dare I say, honorary? This is because the Imperial Army, as incompetant as they are, and they definitely are incompetant, know how to build things. Factories, neighborhoods, encampments, even entire towns. Yong-Fang is probably busy overseeing the Lower Ring to notice the Generals building war factories one wall over in the Agrarian Zone. I’d wager he has a bad back and instead of kowtowing can merely kneel. There was once a ruler who executed those who were unable to kowtow but the times have changed. Finally, he gets power over the Minister of the Imperial Clan, the Minister of Finance, and the Minister Steward.

There used to be a position known as the Grand Commandant. He’d oversee the Earth King’s Royal Army and bore a jade fan, supposedly some kind of relic, as most things are in these parts, by which he would issue orders. I don’t know if the Fiftieth Earth King, Jang, had him executed for failing to handle Sozin’s invasion, or if the man died of old age. I think the last Commandant was a man named Deng. Every, single, morning, I’m given a letter requesting Her Imperial Majesty appoint a new Commandant because for the past seventy years, the Head of the Council of Five has temporarily held the job. And every, single, morning, I take the letter and tear it to pieces. Why bother? How does a fine job as Imperial Commander of, hold on what’s his rank? Imperial Commander of Generals? Something like that.

There  _ also  _ used to be the role of Grand Chancellor. It evolved into Prime Minister, which remains absent. The Prime Minister has the power to represent the Badgermole Throne in Court, thus making him a regent. However, due to the rise of the Grand Secretariat and the Dai Li, the title has become purposeless. The Prime Minister can hold court  _ for  _ the Badgermole Throne, with the responsibility that he will inform the Badgermole Throne,  _ or rather, the Empress _ , of what news and events he brings from Court. 

The Grand Secretariat happens to be one of the few competent Ministers,  _ are they called Ministers? Or Excellencies? He’s an Excellency, right?,  _ who has recently set foot outside of the Imperial City, Ba Sing Se. Instead of him, a single courier arrived, slowly walked down the middle of the pathway, handed a letter to an Imperial Guard, who then handed it to me, which read “His Excellency cannot attend Morning Court”.  _ Of course he can’t.  _

The Imperial Palace Assistant Clerk,  _ no that’s not right.  _ The Imperial Palace Assistant Imperial Clerk, formerly the Palace Assistant Chief Clerk, is the middle-aged man responsible for sending that pile of letters to Her Imperial Majesty’s doorway every morning. Letters that tend to sit there, passive, until someone with eyes, or a good eye, finds them and reads them. Those letters are the Imperial Memorials, and I’m the one responding to them. At some point, I shall cover the details of such pieces of parchment and their excellently worded nature. The ruler of all clerks is Yun-Lee and he’s from the Upper Ring. It’s hard to imagine the sons of nobility  _ fighting  _ to be appointed what the Dai Li would probably call “Chief Postal Guy”. No, they wouldn’t use those words, but...

At one point there was a Grand Tutor. He disappeared one day and I’m not going to ask why. That’s the job of the Directors,  _ right we haven’t even gotten to them yet _ , their officers, and the rest of the Dai Li. And I’m content letting the Dai Li be Dai Li. The role, long ago, was meant to be a direct advisor to the Badgermole Throne. Then it became honorary, and a great way to block an ambitious figure from accuring power. Give him that title? He’s done for life. What happened to this Grand Tutor? I’m going with an unfortunate hunting accident. In the middle of a city.

After the Excellencies arrived, or didn’t arrive, the Ministers came next. Each one has a couple servants, correction, Deputy Ministers, who follow him into the Throne Room due to them having responsibilities of their own.  _ Everyone’s got responsibilities but this man’s responsibilities are greater than everyone else’s responsibilities. Responsibilities.  _ “Can I get a drink?” I asked the waiting attendants, one of whom was carrying a tray with a pitcher on it. “Is this water, alcohol, or some kind of health-enhancing, Pu-On Tim beloved drink I’m only supposed to take every other half of the moon?” I asked the man that had stepped forward. “Water, Your Majesty.” I snatched the goblet from his tray and gulped it down with haste. My clothes  _ jangled  _ with every motion. Not that I cared.  _ Anything  _ to stop me dying of boredom.  _ Anything _ . 

The Minister of Ceremonies came first. Not to be confused with the High Earth Sage who was the guy that actually did the praying, the Minister of Ceremonies just talked about praying a bunch. His name was Sud and he was thirty one. The last Minister of Ceremonies had an unfortunate end when he tried to poison my drink with some kind of ‘Lover’s Brew’ potion because “something something heirs, something spirits” was what I think he said. I told him Toph signed off on his arrest, which made the Imperial Guard that was with me crack up in laughter while he was apprehended. The Minister of Ceremonies is responsible for, what else?, planning every spiritual rite and prayer. He was given the absolutely impossible task of maintaining  _ every  _ temple within the borders of our Empire. This was an easy task when Long Feng concluded that the only temples that needed to be maintained were the ones inside Ba Sing Se. Let’s not talk about that time Long Feng caught him -not Sud, a past Minister- embezzling funds to pay for a brothel. 

One of the Minister of Ceremonies’ assistants was the Imperial Court Astronomer. I don’t know if that’s an honorary position or if someone actually goes outside in the middle of a bright city at night, looks up at the three visible stars, and concludes whether or not we’re all about to die of a meteorite strike. If it's honorary, then he’s a wine barrel of humor when he sends letters to us warning of floods, more floods, droughts, other droughts, and Sozin’s Comet causing the entire Earth Kingdom to be set on fire. Because one man, one comet, can possibly set the entire Kingdom alight in one day. If he’s genuine, then Toph’s apathy towards the spirits should bring ruin on us all, right? Ha. Anyways, I don’t know the Astronomer’s name because he’s too low ranked for my time. Wing-Lee? Wei-Ling? Side note, Wei’s a great name. Wing is a great name. He should be honored. I made up a name for him that I like rolling off my tongue.  _ I’m joking, I just hope that’s his name because I’m the Emperor and I’m supposed to be competent at my job. Supposed to be.  _

The Minister of the Household was next. He is named Jizi-Lee and is fifty-one. I only remember his name from his strange origins. This man grew up, in all places, in the Southern Air Temple! His family were colonists dispatched by the Fifty-First Earth King, back when he was Crown Prince Wei-Hung, to settle the Air Temples. The reason being? The Fire Nation brought ruin on the Western Earth Kingdom, to counteract this, send thousands of people to every last piece of uninhabited land on a map and try to establish communities there. It is rumored that these colonists fall into one of two camps. Either they see themselves as a nearly-independent realm or they are fervently loyal to the Badgermole Throne. Back to Jizi-Lee, his family lived in a small fishing town on one of the largest islands, Namsto. He was sent to Ba Sing Se for educational purposes. A few feasts and one rich noblewoman later, he’s the Minister of the Household. His job is, supposedly, to oversee all security matters for the Palace Grounds. I don’t know if he actually oversees the security or not. I know he’s the man responsible for bringing in attendants, servants and courtiers. Someone may assume Wuhan, for the rank of Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Guard, to be the main security person. Except personal experience has shown that Wuhan spends most of his time commanding the down-to-earth physical security contingent that follows Toph around as she goes on crazy adventures.

The Minister of the Household also oversees the advisory staff of the Earth King. I don’t know  _ who  _ these ‘advisory’ people are and I’ve never met them and  _ if they are the advisors who are you guys?,  _ but somewhere, in some place, these advisors sit in a circle, probably in a closet somewhere, engaging in debates over matters that were apparently important enough to discuss in a closet inside the Imperial Palace but not important enough to bring before Toph or I. They  _ also  _ are probably the ones writing all the letters we receive every morning.

In case security matters weren’t confusing enough, there’s also the Minister of the Guards. Bishe, hailing from the Upper Ring’s Yungang Neighborhood, is fifty-one. Yes, there’s lots of fifty-one year olds here. No, I don’t know why. There’s also millions of people in the Empire so I guess statistics favor the…  _ oh who cares _ . His official role is to oversee Palace security,  _ sound familiar _ ?. This was changed to become responsible for overseeing the Palace’s wall and towers. He oversees the flow of traffic during events. But only events within the Palace’s Grounds. The rest of the city can be pure anarchy but as long as everyone attending a ceremony has a kowtow cushion, its okay.

The Minister Coachman, Imperial-Mandated,  _ yes, Toph actually demanded this one _ , changed to ‘Minister Coach’ to be more egalitarian, is responsible for overseeing the Imperial Stables. I’ve never been to them but I’m sure they look like every other stable. Unlike other ministers,  _ ahem, Minister of the ‘Guards’, _ this Minister has the immense job of overseeing the entire Empire’s supply of ostrich horses and other beasts of burden. Granted, everything that isn’t our personal ostrich horses falls to his subordinates, but that’s still a large amount of responsibility to put on someone. All things considered with our beasts of burden and mounts, he’s done a genuinely excellent job. This role falls to the sixty-five year old San, originally from the Nanshi District in the Northwestern Middle Ring. Judging by his bamboo-thin legs, I’d say he’s never ridden a ostrich horse before. Which is fine, the Minister of Ceremonies has probably never prayed a day in his life, I’ve never Consorted anyone, Long Feng was never anyone’s ‘Secretary’ and the current Avatar has never attended Court in any known Nation. The Earth Empire: We can all be hypocrites if we try really, and I mean  _ really _ , hard. 

I slumped so hard in my Throne I slid right off. The Ministers, only half of them had showed up at that point, were all  _ oh no he’s fallen _ . Each one got off their knees and shuffled over to me as fast as they were Imperially allowed to shuffle. I’m not joking, they were  _ racing  _ to help me up. I didn’t even fall that hard. I did drop a goblet which went  _ clank _ before rolling forward. The Minister of Ceremonies stopped his offensive to shout “a terrible omen!” before turning around and walking back to his seat. I got up, my medals jangling about, and sat back down on my Throne. 

The other Ministers all turned to look at him and one, the Minister of the Households, went “You’re not the Minister of the Households. You have no right to criticize His Imperial Majesty.” Sud stuck his hands in his official’s robes and went “and You’ve no right to criticize the divinity of the Spirits.” So Jizi countered with “Proclaiming an omen is one thing. You shouted within the Throne Room.” Then  _ he  _ shouted “Dai Li! Take him away!”. The Imperial Guard shut the Throne Room doors. I reclined in my seat while attendants brought me breakfast, some bowls of meats and vegetables that weren’t meats. And a pitcher of water. Most were placed on a table that was also brought out and put to the side. So this Dai Li agent slides down one of the pillars, bows to me, and steps forward. The two Ministers were busy pointing at each other and claiming the other a traitor. “Can we kill them both?” he asked while I sank my teeth into this fresh cut of...I suppose it's turtle-duck? Tastes like it. “I got this.” I told him. “Attendant, hold my plate.” and he reached onto my lap and took the plate of food I was eating. I pulled on my sword-hand’s fingers,  _ pop _ ,  _ there we go _ , and got up. “Blah blah, you’re a traitor!” “No you!” and such comments came from the duo. Or, maybe those were just figments of my imagination. The reality was that they were having a little bit of a bicker. I walked along, my medals like a gong of their own, and I pulled out my meteor-forged ancestral blade of the Beifongs.  _ Swish _ is the noise the unsheathing makes.  _ Swish _ , which woke the two from their babblings. “Right, the Ministerial Mincer hasn’t minced anyone lately”, yes, I made up a name for the blade at that moment, “and it's up for a slicing.” The two ministers looked to me and “he’s the traitor, Your Majesty,” “No he’s the traitor, Your Majesty.” I groaned out of the nonsense of this situation. “Will you two dribbling morons  _ please  _ shut your doddering traps?” was my Toph-inspired command. The two immediately kowtowed to me. “That’s what I thought” and I swung my blade around all fancily, in the style of the likes of the Cranefish style, and sheathed it. I walked back to the Throne and “the procession of old men may proceed with its procession!” I shouted. The two returned to their opposite seats. A gong sounded again.

Next came the Minister of Justice. Menggei, a forty-seven year old. He’s from Dongfang’s own Wuhai Commandery, both places I’ve actually heard of. I don’t know his credentials for being chosen Minister of Justice. Traditionally, the Minister of Justice was responsible for,  _ guess what? _ , upholding, enforcing, and interpreting the laws of the Badgermole Throne. I say traditionally because for the past three hundred years, there’s been an entire organization that does nothing  _ but  _ uphold and enforce the Royal -now Imperial- Laws. They don’t “interpret”, there’s no such thing as “interpreting” Imperial Law, they ensure it's carried out to its fullest extent. That doesn’t make this position honorary. Menggei, perhaps, Meng-gei, is supposed to be the person we blame when some Magistrate in the far south fails to uphold Imperial Law in his domain. Except we don’t blame him because we aren’t idiots. The Dai Li control all affairs within the city, he controls the affairs outside of the city. All things considered, that is, our Empire maintains proper dress code in all lands -except the regions we don’t talk about- and as such he’s doing his job well.

The Minister Herald was next. Hong, a forty-three year old, originally from the Binhai District of the Lower Ring. The Minister Herald used to be...much harder or easier depending on perspective. Hong, like almost everyone else, is from the days of the Fifty-Second Earth King. Back then, nobility rarely met the Earth King. They’d see him at feasts and everyone would have a laugh. In the days when the Earth Kingdom was a unified,  _ ha _ , continent, the Minister Herald was up to his neck in scrolls. Nobles were  _ always  _ vying to meet the Earth King. Under Long Feng’s rulings, the nobility was hit the hardest by the ‘no gossip’ policy. That’s what I’m going to call it. “No gossip in these walls.” How about “no mass hysteria within these walls”. Whatever the semantics, the Minister Herald was the guy that’d get executed second should a noble who tries to visit the Earth King mention the War within the boundaries of the Imperial Palace. The first, of course, was the noble themselves. So if it’s a hard job, why do I refer to it as easy? Because once a couple dozen rich, ancient, lines were purged, everyone else learned to keep their mouth shut. So the Minister Herald’s job became as simple as telling the Earth King, let’s say “Lee Hong from the Upper Ring wishes an audience.” 

Then the Fire Nation attacked. As it does, surprise surprise. Suddenly the Imperial Palace’s main doorway atop the Thousand Steps was blasted open, undiplomatically, then maybe-diplomatically by a certain Avatar, and now the Minister Herald’s got to recieve a dozen people who call themselves world leaders. Because the Avatar and all his friends count, once we learned of Zuko and Iroh’s identities, they counted too, and people like Piandao who were high-ranking members of the White Lotus also counted. Nowadays, he’s got the most stressful job of them all. The job of telling the Avatar “you’re going to have to wait a moment.” I don’t think he’s ever been able to catch the airbender in time to inform him, which is both fine -its not his fault the Avatar is the Avatar- and  _ is  _ his fault because he could also have contingencies in place. Nonetheless, his tardiness can be explained by the armful of scrolls his Deputy is holding.

“Are they done?” I shouted, bored. “No, we’ve got a few more!” the Imperial Guard who has to tolerate all this from over at the double doors responded. “Is it past dawn and or early enough for a whiskey?” I asked, rubbing my forehead. “It is  _ chenshi _ Your Majesty.” he stated, bowing. “What’s shen-shi in Kyoshi time?” I asked the man who had no features of a Kyoshi Islander. “Suki!” I yelled, then looked to my side and  _ have you been standing here this whole time, like some kind of assassin?  _ She was. “Yes? And before you ask, I’m already tired.” she pulled the words straight out of my mouth. “Can  _ you  _ fetch me something?” I asked her while she did some kind of jumping stretch to flex her arms and legs. “Sure thing, Your Metallic Majesty” and she took a two-pace skip over to me and poked my medal-filled chest. “Do you regret putting on a jewelry store, now?” she asked with that, let’s call it,  _ I’m seriously joking _ face. “A drink, Suki, before our wits make like the Avatar.” “And vanish?” “Indeed.”

Back when the Royal Family was, well, a  _ family _ with Princes and Princesses, there used to be a Minister position named Minister of the Royal Clan. Now, like everything else, it sounds tenfold more awesome as Minister of the Imperial Clan. This was also one of the only ranks women used to hold. Rarely, as there was always someone’s uncle -and his ten thousand man strong army of veterans- to hand the title to. This role was the perfect way of taking your relatives and imprisoning them within your walls. That man and his veteran army can’t rebel against you if he doesn’t control the men, right? And having a Ministry rank is more prestigious than any generalship.  _ Remember, corruption, bribery and trying to prevent rebellions. It’s the Empire way _ . The Minister has the job of overseeing a registry of all descendants of all Earth Kings and some of those Earth Kings, let’s just say they visited every commandery more than once. The Beifongs are an Imperial Scion, that is, one of their distant ancestors, was an Earth King. I remember someone giving me a scroll with the full family tree from the Twenty-Sixth Earth King, or someone from back then, all the way down to the Blind Bandit. This role is now filled by a non-Imperial. I’ve never heard of Arik, a sixty-three year old man from Jiaodaokou Neighborhood in the Upper Ring. Or, at least, I’ve never heard of a short, olive-complexion, black-haired, man named Arik whose ancestry is entirely nobility, as being related to me in any capacity. And as for the Beifongs? They’re quite picky with who marries their children,  _ as I have learned first hand _ . You can’t just be some Lee, no, no, you must contain  _ holy Avatar blood _ or be the  _ best  _ of the nobility. Especially for matrilineal marriages.

He, or maybe the last guy who held the position, inquired about my descent from Kyoshi. Suki vouched for me, causally naming my father, grandmother, great-grandmother, great-great-grandmother, great-great-great-grandmother, great-great-great-great-grandfather, great-great-great-great-great-grandmother, and then pointing out that she was Koko the First, daughter of Kyoshi. Oh, and she was doing all of this while casually slicing bamboo in two during her daily blade practice. She also clarified that ‘he skipped most of his classes so forgive him’ which is both the truth and  _ not  _ something you say about the Imperial Consort. Then again she’s probably the only person who can give critiques and avoid being Dai Li’d because even the Dai Li fear her katana and fans. And legs. And elbows. And fists. And wits. 

In came the incorruptible Minister of Finance. The last three have been convicted, all within a single year of service, for embezzling funds and or outright hoarding tax money, but this guy, Hai, a twenty-seven year old who grew up in the Upper Ring, is “incorruptible, Your Majesty.” The last three also said that, but this guy was  _ assuring  _ us with “I swear on my life beneath the Badgermole Throne”, which, hey, he’s being truthful. The highest-ranked member of the Dai Li, the second in command beneath Han, often remarks “being the Minister of Finance is the fastest path to Lake Laogai.” Long Feng had...forty, Ministers of Finance during his fifty-year regency. Maybe fifty. On the optimistic side, we keep inheriting all their hoarded money so  _ we always get our taxes _ . 

I believe the Minister of Finance is also responsible for funding the Imperial Budget. When Toph orders that we build two divisions of artillery trucks, How has to take that order and draws up the specifics, both because that’s his job and because Toph can’t draw. How then sends that letter to...somebody, who then checks with today’s Minister of Finance over funding the production of such vehicles. Paying the businesses, the salaries of the workers, the reimbursements when a couple hundred of them accidentally try sticking their...you know...inside a working engine and are made eunuchs. This month’s Minister also figures out the units of measurement. It was  _ his  _ hands that concluded that “a Consort’s foot” is the new official measurement. Kyoshi Island uses a Kyoshi Foot, which is larger. Not much larger, but larger. The previous monarch’s foot was smaller. The larger the foot, the more resources must be spent to ensure that buildings have a height of ‘six feet’, to give a random example. Six of my feet are like eight of someone else’s. 

The last of the Ministers and his fancy official’s robes walked in through the door. The Minister Steward. Wing, a forty-six year old from the town of Yunlicun within the Agrarian Zone -yes, the Zone is large enough to support entire towns and pastureland around them-, has the most entertaining, _ha_ , role of all of them. He’s responsible for importing all the food we consume and drinks we down. He oversees the Imperial Tailors to make us new robes of every legal color and variety. He also oversees informing us of all theater events ‘deemed appropriate’ for Her Imperial Majesty. Previous Earth Kings might have a theater brought into the Throne Room every evening. To others, entertainment comes from a brothel. To yet others, it comes from listening to the ‘wonderful’, the ‘entrancing’, the ‘alluring’, poetry of the Five-Seven-Five Society. _Not those women. I had to make up haikus on the fly, only to impress one woman with my tea-pouring skills so much that she proposed to me. That was a very fun time, indeed_. During Toph’s reign, he’s had maybe a tenth as much work as any other ruler in known history. Toph’s entertainment doesn’t come from theaters, it doesn’t come from brothels, and it doesn’t come from a bunch of young women spouting euphemism-filled poetry. It comes from...wrestling, punching things and practicing her earthbending. Oh, and picking her toes and ears. And the expensive robes he ordered the Imperial Tailors to slave over? Her wrestling outfit is hers. If nothing else, sometimes I will wear the stuffy Imperial Summer, Fall, Winter and Springtime Robes. And by sometimes I will, I mean _some time_ I will. Some time in the future. 

The Minister Steward also relayed messages, letters, officially Memorials, to Toph and I. Except he has to go through the Dai Li first. And his role overlaps with the Imperial Palace Clerk -or whatever that guy’s name is- and it also overlaps with  _ every other Minister  _ because every Ministry sends letters to Toph and I. It’s still his job. The Minister Steward has previously held the role of being the Inspector for Weapons Production. Then that was transferred to someone else. Correction, it was made its own Deputy Ministry. Furthermore, the Minister Steward once controlled the musicians who would entertain us -note I haven’t seen any musicians but I’m also half-blind - but then that was deemed a Spiritual matter by a past Earth King and the responsibility fell under the Minister of Ceremonies. The Minister Steward is also the overseer of the Imperial Physicians. At some point in history, the Imperial Physician would interject himself into the Earth King -and family- and their morning routines to examine them. Here’s the thing, we’re already busy enough. I’m supposed to spend  _ more  _ time lying down while some physician looks at me and tells me I’m still breathing? The Imperial Physician also used to accompany the Earth King on his hunting trips. Listen, Imperial Physician who I haven’t met, I could really have used your magic healing powers where? On campaign. Recently, waterbenders from the Northern Water Tribe were welcomed into the Imperial Infirmary. Except because they are foreigners, they fall under the Imperial Herald’s responsibility. Sometimes. When they are at work, they are the Imperial Physician’s responsibility. When wandering Palace Grounds...instead of thinking this through like a wise man, I blurted out “Are the Northern Water Tribe healers, when outside, the responsibility of the Minister Steward or not?”

And the court heard me. I wish they didn’t but the whole room was silent waiting for me to start Court. And I just did. I could sense the  _ mass  _ of Ministers, Excellencies, Deputy Ministers, and even more Deputy Ministers I’ve yet to name all about to shout out their responses. The Grand Excellencies get first-shout, then the Ministers, then their subordinates. The whole lot of ‘em remain sitting on kowtow cushions with those who want to speak...well, those people speak. “The Northern Water Tribe healers are mine when inside the Palace, Your Majesty!” the Minister Steward called out from his second-row seat. I grabbed my armrests and fixated on him, making sure he saw me and my regret. “No! The healers are my responsibility, Your Majesty!” spoke the Household Minister. The Steward turned to face his fellow second-row friend and said “they are not!” 

So the Household Minister goes “but His Imperial Majesty specified: ‘when outside’. I control where they are allowed to go on the Imperial Palace Grounds”. The refilled water pitcher arrived just in time. As did Suki and a  _ tiny, _ finger-sized bottle of some kind of clear liquid. “It’s Clear Whiskey” she whispered, and she handed it to me. “Thanks Sukes, what would I do without you?” and I tried bopping her in the arm. And missed. I put a few drops in my goblet and  _ ahh,  _ slightly better. Back to the chaos. “When outside? His Majesty was referring to outside the Palace.” came the Grand Excellency of Masses and his two copper front-row wisdom. “In that case, they are mine!” he added at the end, possessively. “But you control the food” the Minister Steward hit back, hopefully correctly. “And I assist in allocating that food to the healers.”  _ What does that have to do with anything _ ? 

Some time of drinking and eating later, “But the food stocks of the Imperial Palace Grounds are  _ not  _ the Grand Excellency of the Masses’ responsibility. The Avatar’s provisions are mine!” blurted the Minister Herald. “No, the food for the Avatar is the responsibility of the Ministry of Ceremonies” vouched the Minister of Ceremonies. “Why?” asked everyone else in the room at the same time. “Because he is the bridge between the spirits and humans.” the Minister of Ceremonies explained, confident in his footing. “Do you mean to suggest you are pillaging  _ my  _ food stocks for your uses?” the Grand Excellency of the Masses said in a somewhat louder voice. “No, I was the one who organized the shipment of fifty sacks of cabbages to be sent to the Avatar’s residence” and the Minister Herald took the fall, I guess. Before all this nonsense could continue, the doors slammed open. With a bang. 

Three conical hat-wearing figures walked through. The one at the lead bowed. Then his two agents bowed. The entire room went silent in a flash.  _ Tap, tap, tap _ the three walked in perfect synchronization, the silence enhancing their stone feet. He took his time, for he had all the time in the world, to walk forward. The Ministers all stiffened their backs. And I put my drink down and stiffened mine. The lead one stopped twenty paces from the Badgermole Throne, facing it. The other two maintained a one-pace gap behind him. In a cold voice, “His Highness sends his regards and myself in his stead.” and he  _ kowtowed  _ to the empty Badgermole Throne.  _ I know that voice _ . 

“Arise and take the Grand Secretariat’s seat” I commanded, and the silence was continuously  _ shattered  _ by the tapping of his feet as he slowly walked over to the Grand Secretariat’s position just beneath the nine steps of the dais. At no point did he turn away from the Throne, like many of the others had previously done. At no point did his footing stagger. Or his hands move from their predetermined position, tucked inside the cuffs of his uniform. Han’s greatest subordinate is the example of what all these doddering fools  _ should  _ be, but can’t. 

Xuan of the noble Dai Li House of Daiyu. They say he’s personally executed a thousand traitors. They say his long robes hide scars from dragonfire. There are some that have called him ‘Long Feng’s Wolf-Dog’, but those people don’t exist. No, it’s not that they’re dead. They ceased existing. As did their entire family tree. He carries himself regally. He walks like a king, but not one of the brittle fragile ones. No, he walks like a king who  _ knows  _ exactly what he wants and  _ will  _ get it. His entire bloodline is earthbending prodigies, stretching back to unknown origins during the era of Kyoshi.

While the other two took up positions standing next to the pillar he was closest to, “I bring tidings for Your Majesty.” he said in that cold yet neutral, monotone, voice. “Yes?” I responded. “The Fire Lord expects an audience with Her Imperial Majesty.”  _ Oh really, oh Minister Herald? Isn’t this your job? Your Upper Ring mansion-earning job?  _ “Where is His Royal Majesty?” I would never call him ‘Imperial’ for on this continent, there are only two Imperials. Even though he definitely earned his. I assume. “The Inner Courtyard, Your Majesty” the Head of the Dai Li responded. “And how long has he been awaiting Her Imperial Majesty’s presence?” I asked, my voice the formal one I prefer to use for such matters. “He arose exactly one  _ fen  _ preceding the first strike of the sun and proceeded to a morning exercise routine before informing one of my agents that he was quote, ‘hoping’, for an audience around lunchtime. Upon the agent asking whether he wanted it before or after the highest reach of the sun, he raised a hand and went quote ‘no, no, forgive my stupidity. I didn't mean to make any demands.’ The agent immediately reported this to me, at which point I came to find Your Majesty.” and he bowed again. “What do you suggest?” I said while leaning out of my seat. I was up for asking such a high-ranked figure. A scarred survivor of two Sieges and one dragon. “Forgive me, Your Majesty. I am not the Minister Herald and as such I do not know how to handle foreign dignitaries.” and he humbly bowed, once more. I looked over at the Minister Herald and his scoffing. “And I couldn’t care what the Minister Herald would suggest. What do  _ you  _ suggest?” and I turned back to face the man who was but a few steps from my feet. “Meet His Royal Majesty as Her Imperial Majesty’s representative. As for the meeting itself...there are rumors His Royal Majesty may wish to give a speech. That would cause a logistical nightmare as crowds converge to watch a first in history.” and I could sense, somewhere beneath that neutral voice, a pinch of contempt for the Fire Lord. I got off my seat, checked my scabbard, and walked down the steps. “I’m going to go do that right now, thank you Commander.” Note, his rank is not Commander but that’s definitely more appropriate as a title than the regular ‘Agent’. “And what of the Court?” a courtier asked while I walked atop the green stones. “Have the Imperial Scribe write down all their talking points and send it to me.” and I walked past him and out the double doors. 

“The Court sends off His Imperial Majesty!” the Minister Herald shouted at the top of his vocal range. The entire court repeated it. They then stood and kowtowed. 

“If I were you, I wouldn’t do anything that could tip the balance of the world in favor of a worldwide conflict”  _ why thank you Sukes, but I’m not Toph.  _ She caught up to my side and the two of us made for a mighty blue-green-colored team. I opted for running over to meet the Fire Lord since even if he doesn’t mind waiting, surely he respects getting things done beforehand. It’s not like I’ll find him avoiding and evading all his responsibilities in favor of flying through a cloud. The two of us were halted by a line of Dai Li. “Your Majesty, you might want an escort.” remarked the guy dressed like a Captain. Then that stone voice returned. “I think His Imperial Majesty can handle himself.” I turned around and boom, there he was, the Head of the Dai Li, standing some ten paces behind me. I’d ask how he caught up to me but he also knows these halls better than I do. And I’m sure sitting in Court listening to the food stock discussion was very enlightening for all parties involved. “I’ll take the Dai Li escort, thanks” and I gave a simple bow to the Captain who gave the offer. Why? They’re the Dai Li. Is there ever a reason  _ not  _ to take them along? Especially when I’m about to meet a very powerful Fire Lord and his dragon.  _ And his dragon _ . 

The double doors of the main entrance of the Palace opened and horns  _ blasted _ . An Imperial Guard walked up to the edge of the...I don’t even know how large, but massive, terracotta colored cliffs of the Imperial Palace. “Presenting, His Imperial Majesty!” and the Imperial Guard constantly assigned to patrol the Inner Courtyard ran up to the main aisle. Looking out from the top of the Palace, I could see as far as the innermost of Ba Sing Se’s Walls. I’m dwarfed by ten story pillars and a staircase with a thousand steps. One for every mini-nation, people group, what have you, that kowtows to the Badgermole Throne. “One Thousand Nations”, assuming each commandery and town are their own nation. It also plays into the overall self-centered view of Ba Sing Se towards the outside world. To them, all these commanderies can’t just be commanderies, they’ve got to be  _ nations _ . It doesn’t matter, these are Her Imperial Majesty’s steps, and this is Her Imperial Majesty’s Empire. Walking up to the stairs, I looked down and saw the mythical dragon lying coiled up next to a house.

I ran down the stairs, Suki joined me for running. The Dai Li? They slid. They pulled the stairs into a slide and slid their way down. As they do with everything else. And they did it in two neat lines. The horns and their  _ booming _ , since the Imperial Palace is always quiet, ensuring their gongs and horns are heard by all, awoke the dragon. He looked up towards us and that’s when his companion walked out the front door of his guest house. It should’ve been obvious, There’s a flagpole attached to the ridge of the pointed roof, the flagpole juts out into the Inner Courtyard, a Fire Nation flag draped on the end of it. His companion, from here merely the size of an ant, was dressed in casual wear that could compete with  _ my  _ casual wear for most casual world leader wear.  _ Wait no the Avatar counts and he looks like he’s walking around in half a bathrobe _ . 

By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, an ostrich horse wearing blue-green barding was brought out with a small stone ridge raised for me to use to quickly mount it. Since it takes  _ that  _ long to cross the Inner Courtyard, and also because first impressions -these pivotal moments are the Fire Lord’s first impressions of the Imperial Palace, now that he is both our ally and fellow monarch- count. I trotted along while the Dai Li slid and Suki ran, all maintaining a perfect pace. As I neared, the Fire Lord gave some pats to his personal mount and Druk went back to his coil of sleep. I wish Lord Qiangyang was around, I’d ride him over, but I also don’t want to take ten years to get to the Fire Lord. 

“Your Majesty” and the Fire Lord, despite his frazzled hair and orange-black tunic, gave a perfect royalty-to-royalty bow. I hopped off my mount, a nearby Imperial Guard took it for me, and bowed back to him. “I heard Your Majesty wished to give a speech?” I asked. At the same time, Suki stopped, leaned on a pillar and caught her breath. Druk, probably smelling royalty or whatever they say he can do, decided  _ not  _ to go back into a coil and instead extended himself over to me. The Dai Li, as always, dropped into stances. Except their Commander. He casually walked up to one of the agents and was all “lower your hand.” It's ironic because that dragon once set his friends on fire so a passerby who somehow knew such personal knowledge might assume ‘why doesn’t he join them in stance’. It’s easy to answer. He doesn’t need to. A wise fighter doesn’t show off their potential, they act as any other would then when a fight begins, they  _ start snapping _ . That or he’s had a lapse into madness thanks to years of being trained to be fearless. 

“Would Your Majesty and Your Highness” and the Fire Lord turned to Suki then back to face me, “like to come inside for some  _ tea _ ?” I glanced at the line of Dai Li who collectively were probably all ‘no don’t do that’ except, again, their Commander. He gave a very small hat tip. So I did it. The door opened and with five quick finger jabs, the five candles around the room were lit.  _ What masterful precision _ . He had a small statue, perhaps a shrine, to Agni, in front of where the fireplace would be. A large table was set up in the living room, all the dishes perfectly placed as if to host a family or a... _ team _ . “Your Majesty-” I began, only to stop myself when he calmly said “Please, this isn’t a Throne.” He said it as if the title ‘Your Majesty’ brought unneeded tension. Instead he chose “Zuko” with a calmer voice. “Lord Zuko-” I began,  _ hey don’t groan,  _ “-your table was already set. Were you planning for this?” and he gestured to one of the teacups before walking into the kitchen. Amidst the sound of firebending, probably firebending some tea, “Uncle taught me to always set a table for guests, even when I wasn’t planning for them” and as he finished that sentence, he brought out two plates each bearing two teacups. I offered a bit of buttery diplomatic openings. “Your uncle’s tea skills earn praise from Beihai to Taizigou!” That brought a small smile to the Fire Lord’s otherwise unnecessarily tense face. I don’t think he knew where Beihai or Taizigou are, but that didn’t matter.

We sat down for tea, him on one side of the table and us on the other. I sipped the tea and while I still find tea to be a mix of leafy liquid and water, I have to say it tastes pretty good. I didn’t need to ask why he woke up so early, all firebenders do, but I  _ should’ve  _ asked about where his friends were. I say ‘should’ because our peace and quiet, that’s what he offered, was interrupted by a very loud “Hey! Whatcha up to Zuko!” and a “Hey! I didn’t know the Earth King was hanging out here! Hi Earth-,” cut off by a “Ty Lee, stop talking” from the Fire Lord. It didn’t matter, he didn’t say ‘stop blinking in the face of the Earth Emperor.’ So she leaned in as if for romantic intent,  _ no, I for one would rather not be accosted by such...eyelashes _ . Before she could blink me to death, or give me a kiss of flirtatiousness, she  _ got grabbed by the braid  _ by the Commander’s rock glove. With a slight,  _ disappointed _ , change in pitch. “You. Five paces away from His Majesty at all times!” and he  _ flung  _ her over to the wall with a single hand swipe. “Is Your Majesty injured?” he asked, quite ready to execute the acrobat. “I’m unharmed...and please don’t kill her. Thanks.”  _ Thanks for grabbing her braid, Xuan _ .

_ I see our talks will begin with great amusement for all _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently writing Chapter 80 (started in January), which is great because it means I can tweak these earlier chapters to make everything work better together!  
> As always, I appreciate all the hits, kudos and bookmarks! I hope this nonsense was entertaining to read (because there's going to be more of it).
> 
> Form name: An Encyclopedic Directory of Imperial Remarks  
> Form signature: 森皇帝的印章 (Or: Imperial Seal of Earth Emperor Mori)  
> Comments: This is a document on Imperial Remarks  
> Additional comments: This is a piece of parchment  
> Censorate comments: 森 , or Mori, or Sen, is a sacred name. All forests must be renamed.  
> \-----
> 
> Meta-joke aside:  
> Encyclopedic Directory of Imperial Remarks:
> 
> -This chapter's chock-full of references to the Han and Qing Dynasty. "Morning Court is now in session" is one reference to the Han Dynasty's call to attending court.  
> -All the Excellencies and Ministries are a reference to the Han Dynasty. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Government_of_the_Han_dynasty#Excellencies ) ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Government_of_the_Han_dynasty#Nine_Ministers )  
> -The variety of homelands for these ministers reflect that people from across the Empire come to Ba Sing Se to rise through the ranks. Plus, it reflects that there's a world beyond Ba Sing Se.  
> -List of Excellencies and Ministries (by appearance). These will be simplified for your sake.  
> -Grand Excellency Over the Masses - Food, farming - Ayato, 51  
> -Grand Excellency of Works - Building, construction - Yong-Fang, 62  
> -Grand Commandant - the Imperial Army - nobody, Council of Five takes their place  
> -Prime Minister - runs all the Ministries, middleman between the Court and the Imperials - vacant  
> -Grand Secretariat - runs the Dai Li, de facto regent - Han, unknown  
> -Imperial Palace Assistant Clerk - Imperial Memorials - Yun-Lee , unknown  
> -Imperial Tutor/ Grand Tutor- Personal tutor/advisor to the Imperials - Nobody (for now)  
> -Minister of Ceremonies - Prayers, rituals, rites, coronations, marriage ceremonies, etc. - Sud, 31  
> -Minister of the Household - Responsible for the servants and attendants - Jizi-Lee, 51  
> -Minister of the Guards - Overseeing traffic into and around Ba Sing Se - Bishe, 51,  
> -Minister Coach - The stables, kennels, pen for Lord Qiangyang - San,  
> -Minister of Justice - Civil laws, interpreting law, not related to the Dai Li though he has overlap with them - Menggei, 43  
> -Minister Herald - Foreigners, the Guest Houses, the Avatar, the Fire Lord, representing the Badgermole Throne to said foreigners - Hong, 47  
> -Minister of the Imperial Clan - The Imperials' families, registries of all relatives - Arik, 63  
> -Minister of Finance - Taking your gold - Hai, 27  
> -Minister Steward - Providing the Empress and Emperor with all the exotic and imported foods they like. Also included: the personal armor and weapons of the Emperor and his retinue. Because someone has to have the job of coordinating and acquiring all this - Wing, 47
> 
> -The Min. Coach and Min. Imperial Clan are quite good at their jobs. As to be seen later.  
> -Chenshi is 7am  
> -The Five-Seven-Five Society is the poetry society for the young noblewomen of the Upper Ring. Mori met them once. It ended poorly.  
> -Xuan Daiyu will return, again, and again. He's a great ally and a terrifying enemy.  
> -The Fire Lord's tense for reasons that will be covered soon. He's also Zuko.


	29. A Handful of People In a Big Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Council of Five! They're quite competent! No, really!

Chapter Ninety-Three:

“How’s Caldera going? Did you recover from all those accidental deaths?” I said before taking another sip of tea.  _ Stop looking at me like that, Mai.  _ The Fire Lord nervously went “about that…” as if he was hiding something.  _ Well of course he’s hiding something, he’s the Fire Lord _ .  _ And you’re the Emperor. Why wouldn’t he be hiding something. _ “What Zuko’s trying to say is that’s why we came here” and Mai pointed to a table with a pile of papers on it.  _ A pile of papers? You’re here to give me more work? I have enough work, between all the back massages, foot massages, campaigns against traitors, literal pillow-reenactment, blade training, bow training, and of course, spending time in a conversation with an ancient mythical creature who has big talons and loves licking friends of the Empress. No, wait, you’re not here for that. _ “You’re here to collect some of our ministers? We’ve got a couple dozen to spare” but my attempt at humor was beneath Zuko’s higher-than-all-for-I-am-the-Fire Lord tastes. 

“I’m here to give a speech about peace, she’s here to collect knowledge on administration.” I don’t remember if it was the way he said that, or the way he compartmentalized the duo into being ‘the speaker one’ and ‘the one who’s actually doing all the work’ but I choked on my tea in laughter. The Head of the Dai Li, Commander Xuan, stood over by the doorway,  _ not  _ amused. Again I thought about consulting him. “Can we even do this?” and no I didn’t specify anything because I felt that context was everything.  _ And if you can’t possibly understand context, then you’re as good as one of those actors from a Pu-On Tim play. _ “We’ve got to worry about traffic, Your Majesty.” but he didn’t give any advice on inviting Lady Mai,  _ Fire Lady Mai? _ , in to learn about how we conduct ourselves in the Earth Empire.  _ It can’t hurt.  _ Suki piped in with “what about our deal? Weren’t you going to teach us how to use throwing daggers?”  _ Right, I forgot about that _ .  _ That was...like two seasons ago, right? Back when we were leaving Caldera? Apologies, Sukes, all I remember is that Toph screamed because she was flying and then a naval bombardment that damaged the Fire Lord’s holy city more than it hurt the intended target.  _ Mai stood up and yelled “Ty Lee, get over here!” and the crazy acrobat front flipped out of the kitchen and landed on our dinner table in a perfect split.  _ That’s appropriate. Yup _ .

“I’m tossing her into this deal.” Mai declared and Ty Lee stood up, hopped off, and “what deal?” Mai coughed to catch her voice, then with a coldness that the Dai Li could feel kinship with, “You’ll teach the Kyoshi Warriors chi-blocking. I’ll teach them how to throw daggers. He-” and she pointed at me and my chest of medals, “-will help educate us on loyal ministers and running governments.” I could’ve and should’ve asked ‘why can’t you just ask your own country’s officials’, but I suppose that’s because most of them are dead.  _ Or they hate you, Zuko.  _ “Okay” the acrobat said, seemingly blissfully unaware of what she was agreeing to, and Ty Lee cartwheeled out of the room, her braid spinning like a windmill. “Is she always this easy to deal with?” The Fire Lord and...probably about to be Fire Lady nodded at the same time. Then I got tackled by a hug and a “I can’t wait to teach your friends!” by the same acrobat. There I was, lying side-on with the floor and with some acrobat wrapped around me in a very, very, very, you’re-about-to-eat-a-blade way. “-She’s a bit of a hugger” from Zuko, who had this embarrassed look, and “-she’s not ‘a bit’ of a hugger, she’s a hugger” from the most outwardly depressed of the trio, in a melancholic voice. Once again, Ty Lee got grabbed by a rock glove. This time, she got tossed into a wall. “Commander, leave her” I had to shout, to which he cautiously released his rock gloves from her legs. I was expecting Zuko to combust, but he was embarrassed and had to pinch the bridge of his nose instead. “Please forgive her” he said like a defeated duelist. The Commander took a step forward and tried to compete with Mai for the dourest of voices with “We do not forgive, we do not forget, we act in the shadows in the name of the Throne.”  _ Yes, thank you Commander. I think they get that. And if they don’t, reciting your personal creed is only going to intimidate them. Oh. That’s the point _ . 

Xuan was dispatched to handle “the traffic problem”, to which he went running -not sliding- off towards the Outer Courtyard. Zuko wanted to stay home and continue writing his speech. “I’m already up, might as well get started with the education” was how I phrased it to Mai. I’m a man of my word. She wants to learn, she can learn. As for Ty Lee, “Captain, take Lady Ty Lee, collect your girls, and start training”. “On it” Suki bowed and she and Ty Lee ran off towards some building across from us in the Inner Courtyard. As I exited, the Imperial Guard within a couple dozen paces of us kowtowed again. One of them came running, pulling an ostrich horse by a leash. 

“The first rule of ruling, everyone’s got to bow” I stated while pointing to one of the many Imperial Guards. “We have the same stuff in Caldera” Mai replied, half-serious, half-Mai-depressed. “Do you  _ see  _ those kowtows?” and I knelt next to one of the kowtowing men and held my palm next to his helmet. “He’s within a finger of the ground. That’s dedication.” and I leaned back. From behind me, looking down at the two of us with curiosity -and by curiosity I mean a bit less gloomy than usual- she inquired “Isn’t that a bit  _ too  _ pompous?” I laughed like a man stubbing his toe and covering it up with laughter. The Imperial Guards laughed. The entire courtyard might as well have been cracking up. “You want pomp?” and I continued laughing. She gave me this look of, well her look never changes from some kind of ‘I’ve seen death, I’ve seen his eyes and I slit death’s throat’ but I can imagine somewhere inside all that blackness was a ‘huh?’ Trying to follow the traditions of etiquette, I offered a hand to help her onto the ostrich horse. She accepted it, since the Fire Nation also has etiquette, and I led her and her, well it’s actually mine,  _ actually not mine, it’s the Empire's  _ ostrich horse towards the Thousand Steps. 

Mornings are always joyful to experience in the Inner Courtyard. A kind of tranquility, no not the Palace of Tranquility, can be felt as a couple birds chirp and fly over the well maintained Palace Grounds. Not a single speck of dirt is out of place. While the sun casts long shadows on the ground to our side, giving the rest of the lands an orange hue, distant gongs sounded. We’re in the middle of the densest, largest both on a map and by population, city of all the Three Nations and One Man, and yet it’s silent. Because the Upper Ring is silent. I wouldn’t trade the quiet for the hustle and bustle of the Lower Ring,  _ ever,  _ but just as there’s something ornate and exquisite about the silence, there’s something unnaturally eerie. There’s only a couple birds. There are groves of trees, but they’re tucked away from the main Courtyards. There are entire ponds and gardens that are maintained, but they hide out of sight. A visitor may think the Palace Grounds are nothing but terracotta-colored stone and a massive Palace.  _ Truly, the center of the Earth Empire. Stone and more stone and even more stone _ .

The rest of the Empire wakes to the braying of beasts of burden. And to local birds. And pig-chickens. They wake to the prayers of the local Earth Sage. Or to a gong. They might wake up to the sunlight coming in through their windows. In the more frontier lands, they wake to the call of the changing patrol shift. We wake to the smells of incense burning. Or distant drum and bell towers.  _ Very distant _ . Otherwise? Nothing. The lightest tap of a Dai Li agent’s foot as he crosses a rooftop could - _ probably _ \- be heard from where I was as I lead Mai’s mount along. And I heard a lot of those taps. As with everything else, the Imperial Palace is wonderfully cut off from the day-to-day matters of the Empire.

“The second piece of advice I’d give, make sure your Palace looks prim and proper.” I commented as I offered her my hand to help her off the ostrich horse. She accepted, decency is decency, and the Fire Lady in all her black-and-red robes and I in my walking jewellery store outfit of a General ascended the Thousand Steps. Toph? She can slide up a staircase if she so desired.  _ Running’s more fun, though _ . I can’t do that. Zuko can turn his feet into fire jets. Mai can’t do that. “Our Royal Palace  _ is  _ prim, and it’s quite proper. Everyone bows not one  _ sun  _ out of place. The servants march along predetermined pathways. We drink tea on the same two cushions.” and she tucked her hands into her wide robe-ends. “But do you drink tea in front of a thousand old people?” I asked. “We drink tea in our private residence” and she gave the faintest hint that maybe she actually  _ enjoys  _ drinking tea in a private residence. “I drink tea in front of a massive group of morons” I allowed her to nod along, pretending to be stupid, at my expense.  _ I don’t like drinking tea in front of them, and I’m free to take breakfast, lunch and dinner within my quarters, but hey, the Empire doesn’t stop for tea-time. Sadly _ . “Why don’t you just kill all of them then? I hear that solves problems.” She mused, a  _ tinge  _ of sarcasm to compliment her otherwise gloomy voice. “If only things were that easy…” I sarcastically countered.

“The Court welcomes His Imperial Majesty!” some crier screamed  _ right into my ears. I hate you Lee _ , causing the entire assembly to turn away from one another and towards the two of us entering the room. Even from this distance, the Badgermole Throne is huge. All these ministers were shouting “Ten Thousand Years!” so much I thought I was about to lose my hearing. I ran along and “Your Majesty, that’s my chair” and pointed at the Consort’s Throne. “That’s a massive throne.” she replied, eyes a  _ bit  _ wider than the legal permit would say in the Fire Nation.  _ Wrong throne _ . I had to clarify, halted myself, and adjusted my pointing and perspective “No, no, the one to the left.” She said, with genuine stupefaction, “That is a dining room chair.” “Was a dining room chair, you mean.” “Was?” “The Badgermole Throne is only occupied by one person. I’m just the Consort.” She showed signs of being actually amazed,  _ yeah, me too when I first found this out _ . “Couldn’t they afford to give you a better seat? That must be a pain to sit on.” “And now you know why I’m constantly invading other people’s homes.” which is a reference she understood. I received a dull nod of understanding. In the name of politeness,  _ ha,  _ in the name of trying to curry favor, the entire Court remained silent until I reached my chair. Before I got there, I gave a customary kowtow to the empty Badgermole Throne, it’s occupant probably lounging in bed as I performed this traditional gesture. Oh, and also because if someone  _ doesn’t  _ kowtow and isn’t the Earth Empress, the Dai Li -depending on who’s on shift- may or may not break out the rock gloves since ‘you disrespect our heritage, now you must die!’  _ You just have to love the fighting men of the Dai Li.  _

Everything changed when the Avatar punched a hole in a door  _ or maybe it was fifteen holes _ . Because, see, the Avatar is the Avatar. The Dai Li can’t do anything about it. They’ve got to stand there, silently watching, as their hundreds of years old traditions, manicured to perfection, are trampled about by a thirteen year old,  _ twelve? Fourteen? I don’t remember _ , and his friends. After careful deliberation over whether or not the Avatar counts as a spirit, someone with the title ‘Minister’ concluded that we could permit an exception to the rule. Then that Minister failed to show up to the next day’s court. Or any court afterwards. Next day’s court, they concluded that the Avatar is still a killable person, therefore not a spirit, and therefore subject to giving Her Imperial Majesty a bow. The Dai Li love their Empress. And to them, there’s no such thing as ‘an exception’ to any rules. 

“Your Majesty, you’re supposed to bow to the Throne.” and Mai gave a well-done royalty-to-royalty bow to an oversized golden couch. I could sense the dozens of Ceiling Dai Li who are probably having breakfast as we conduct court feeling either happy that a foriegn world leader obeys their rules or sad that they don’t get to kill someone this morning.  _ Yet _ . She looked around before looking back at me and “where am I supposed to sit?” An elaborate dining chair with gold armrests bearing green armrest cushions was lugged out by four attendants. “That’s a chair.” I aptly stated. “That’s a chair” she aptly concluded. They placed it beneath the dais for only Her Imperial Majesty - _ and I, thankfully, and a bunch of others _ \- are allowed to walk on this holy platform with nine steps. There’s probably a mystical reason why it’s nine and not eight or ten, and  _ certainly  _ not because the architect of this five thousand year old platform thought nine was artistic enough. Or maybe he ran out of gold.  _ Did you know, there was less gold back then _ . 

I stiffened myself, made sure the cushions were snug, ordered “a drink for the Fire Lady!” and when a pitcher was brought over, ordered that “Court now returns to session!”. “Because I’ve got to order these people around.” I said to myself. Sometimes. When I’m present,  _ that is, here _ , I have to. Unless there’s a Prime Minister. Which there isn’t. Mai was close enough she could hear my remarks and I could hear her groans.  _ Just  _ as the Minister of the Household stood up, the doors got blasted,  _ metaphorically _ , open and those three conical hats returned once more. The Commander bowed, his agents bowed, he walked forward, they walked forward. Then he stopped when he reached the Minister of the Guards, he produced a letter from his robe and “this is for you” while forcing it into his hand. 

The whole room locked eyes on this small exchange. The Minister opened the letter, his eyes went wide, and he turned to me, bowed, and scuttled off towards the door. “What in the name of me was that about?” I shouted over to the Commander. “The Minister of the Guards has a job, right?” he responded, causing the now-departing Minister to halt and turn to the Commander. “Why wasn’t I informed of this-” nope, he got cut off by the Commander and a heel-spin. “Be quiet. You’re disrupting the Court.” Then the Commander tucked his hands in his sleeves and walked over to the Throne, kowtowed, rose and walked up to my seat. 

“What was that about?” I asked him, again, quietly. “He has a job. He’s supposed to do his job. I did mention a traffic problem earlier.” and he pulled his hands out of his sleeves and produced a scroll and writing materials.  _ And a stone table _ . I called for the Court to continue and the babbling old fools resumed talks about ‘what constitutes a medal?’. “Any medals the Council of Five want to introduce that apply to His Imperial Majesty must go through the Ministry first!” the Minister Steward insisted.  _ That’s just an example _ .

A question nobody ever asks because nobody ever asks me anything: Is this what Morning Court is always like? Yes, yes it usually is. By the end of it all, the Imperial Court Scribe will have recorded every minister’s conclusions before submitting it to the Imperial Palace Assistant Clerk or whatever his name is, who will then draft each one into an individual memorial to the Empress. Then I have to read those conclusions and listen to Toph’s half-asleep decision making skills. When the Deputy Minister Steward commented on how “the Empire can wait!” I audibly went “That’s moronic!” to which Commander Xuan noted something down on his scroll. Actually, he spent most of the time writing on a scroll. I don’t know  _ what  _ he was writing and knowing the secretiveness of the Dai Li, I’d never find out.

“Your Majesty, what am I supposed to learn from all this? This isn’t administrative, this is chaos” Mai asked and stated, boredom seeping out of her voice. Some Deputy Minister, I think a deputy of the Household, stood up and went “A foreigner cannot dare interrupt Court!” So what did Mai do? A knife slid out of her sleeves and she tossed it three hundred Consort’s feet before it cut right through the Deputy’s hat and lodged itself in the pillar next to him. Of course, the rest of the Court stood up in shock. They called her “Ashmaker” to which she smirked and “I’ve got a dozen knives in here, you’re all going to have to share” and she ruffled her robes. I got off my chair, descended to hers, and whispered “don’t worry, they’ve got bad backs. They don’t have a chance.” They kept shouting for the Dai Li, to which the  _ Head  _ of the Dai Li let out the absolute slightest of a laugh. A cold laugh. A laugh nonetheless. The shouting was cut short by very loud  _ stomping _ .  _ Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.  _ All eyes turned to the double doors at the other end of the larger-than-life Throne Room. “I’m not sorry that I’m not late!” a booming voice bellowed from behind the doors. 

Then the doors opened to reveal three  _ other  _ figures, each one dressed in the attire of a General. Each one a walking medal cabinet.  _ Stomp _ . “Ten Thousand Years!” the leader of the Council of Five boomed with swagger. His two fellows joined him. “What’re all these old men doing past their bedtime?” the eldest of the three shouted while rubbing his stomach. “Is a war on yet?” came the guy with the warhammer as tall as he is. Then the three kowtowed. I walked away from Mai’s chair and to a more dramatic hands-going-wide position. “Welcome, Generals. I wasn’t informed of a Council Meeting!” and I gave a bow to the three. The Head of the Dai Li lifted his head from his writings and looked over at them. He didn’t say anything to me but I would guess he was mouthing ‘you want them out?’ to which I mouthed ‘no’. He then resumed his writings. He was as bored as Mai, but at least Mai looked more enthusiastic towards a possible repeat of what we did to the Fire Nation’s ministers.

“Tell these Ministers it’s bedtime. We’ve got fun times ahead!” General How said with that stubbornly arrogant tone that personified the Imperial Army. Unbreakable, booming, proud. “Fun times? We going to war with someone?” Fong jutted in, hitting the stones with the end of his warhammer shaft. “Nah, we’ve got  _ traffic control _ !” How refuted.  _ Oh joy.  _ He then walked past me and over to the Head of the Dai Li and tapped him on the top of his hat. The silence, perhaps the awe, of it all, ensured we could all hear How leaning in to go “What happened to my men?” and the cold response of “Ask the Minister of the Guards. Not me.” To which the General  _ might’ve  _ kicked a table into dust. “Why are there assassins at the guard posts?” Which only made things  _ more  _ entertaining as the Commander stood up, dusted himself off casually, and “again, Minister of the Guards.” “I don’t think you heard me.” and now How made himself nice and  _ loud _ , “Why are my men confined to barracks?” Song remained still, resisting the urge to laugh, and Fong spun his warhammer around with fluid brilliance. And I? I walked over to the red-faced General and the calm, absolutely frightening, demeanor of the man who never let his eyes be seen by anyone. 

I walked over to the two while they had a stand-off. “How, you’re in the audience of me and you go pick on him?” followed by “Commander, what’s going on here?” oh, and there’s always Mai sitting idly in the background watching this nonsense take place. How turned to me, including a few boot stomps, and “my men woke up today confided to barracks because of ‘traffic control.’” The Commander, meanwhile, calmly stated “I was given orders that the Dai Li were needed for traffic control, I received those orders and redirected them to the appropriate Ministry.”  _ I don’t have time for this _ . “Morning Court, get out!” I shouted. To which they all began the well-rehearsed routine of kowtowing to a chair and a room. “You two, with me.” and I spun around to face the others, “Fong, Song, let’s go talk about things. Mai, you want administration? We’re about to  _ administrate _ ” and I shoved my hands into my cuffs.

While the Ministers kowtowed to things, bowed to each other, and slowly hobbled out, I had the people who I could be bothered to actually talk to follow me to my private study. One of many rooms reserved for the use of the Empress, except since she can’t read or write, it’s become my place of reading letters, responding to them all, writing my personal records, giving some perspective to Imperial Archivists about a variety of matters, and pondering Imperial Law. And plotting. Though if you’re plotting  _ as  _ the Emperor in the name of the Empire, does it still count as plotting? _ I have no idea.  _ Once inside my room, “why do you care?” I asked How, before turning to the Commander and “and why didn’t you ask him?” and finally to Fong and Song “and what’re you two doing here?” I needed only hand-gesture to the attendants for them to get it. Chairs were set up and we all sat down and talked like rationable people. 

“I’d like to know why someone ordered my men without my approval?” How asked, glaring at the low-hat of the Head of the Dai Li. He shrugged. “Take this up with His Highness, or the Minister” he repeated the same line he used before.  _ Never budge, Dai Li, never budge _ . “I’m confused” I said, confused, “why do we care who runs what?” and I opened the question up to both of them. “We expect the Fire Lord giving a speech could and probably would spark mass riots.” the Commander explained.  _ Of course its mass riots. We can’t have anything without mass riots can we?  _ “And what, you’re going to start killing people if they riot?” “I prefer the term reeducate, Your Majesty” from the Commander “I’d rather open a dialogue with them” from the General. “ _ Then  _ kill them if they’d like to kill us.”. Mai jumped in with “so thousands of people are going to die because my boyfriend is giving a speech?” and the rest of us, as if this was choreographed, nodded. “What?” was her only word. “Welcome to the Earth Empire” I quipped, earning the Generals’ laughter. “What’s the speech about anyways?” I asked while facing her. “I think he wants to announce a new age of peace.” the first part of her sentence? We all watched with patience and self-control. The second part, namely the last words? We broke into laughter. “And I thought I was here to learn how to run a country, Your Majesty” she said with a hint of annoyance. Which is disconcerting, for obvious Mai-knife reasons. “You  _ are  _ learning.” and I turned back to the Generals. “So, which department wants the blame for all the ensuing chaos?” and the General pointed at the Commander, the Commander pulled a scroll out of his robes and held it out without showing any emotion. “Let’s all agree it’s this guy’s fault” and I finally caught a glimpse of his bare hands when he pointed at the letter which mentioned the Minister of the Guards. “Sure, why not.” I didn’t care. I really don’t care.  _ I mean, I do, I’d rather not have a massive riot, but how much can I possibly care?  _

“Generals, can you return in a few? I’ve got matters to discuss with the secret nighttime assassin department.” and the Generals, despite being varying degrees of bored or angry, got up, bowed, and exited. Except not before How stated “I’d like to throw a military parade today!” and tossing a scroll to me. “Sure, I don’t care” I whipped out a stamp, smacked it, and tossed it back at him. To which he tossed me  _ another  _ scroll. The door closed with a bang and it was just the three of us now. The Commander, myself and Mai. 

“Fire Lady Mai, meet one of the few people here with any self control.” and the conical hat tipped. “It’s a pleasure” she said with cold contempt bordering on resentment. I suppose it’s resentment for existing because aside from the entire room being made darker by this guy’s presence, there’s nothing terrifying about him.  _ Oh, well also his ability to make people that the Badgermole Throne doesn’t like disappear, but we don’t discuss that. _ “Man with self control, meet our future ally, Fire Lady Mai.” The Commander’s response? “It’s rare I’ve met a foreigner with any education who didn’t need to visit Lake Laogai first.” “I’m taking that as a hello?” Mai said the words most of us think when we first meet people like the Commander.  _ And there’s lots of those kinds of people in Ba Sing Se _ . Then she bowed to him. “Indeed, that’s a hello.” and he bowed to her. “Mai, you want administrative knowledge? Listen and take notes. Commander, retrieve all the times our Court system worked correctly within the past year and get her copies.” and I pushed my chair back and got up. “Your Majesty, this is your room.” the Commander said, showcasing the emotion I’m going to  _ guess  _ is ‘concern’. I slapped myself in the face. “Go take her somewhere less private. We don’t want her finding the secret stash of Clear Whiskey.” and I bowed to the two and left. I have a hunch that the two of them will get along, fine. That or they’ll intimidate the other until they both die of heart failure. I was  _ planning  _ to meet with the Generals today and now I had my opportunity.  _ How often do they barge into the Throne Room? Not that often. _

I rounded the corner and spotted the three midway through a war story. “So I took my warhammer and this officer was all ‘my brain! My brain! I feel my brain! Oh no, it's my brain!’ except he died because-” and he banged the rear of the warhammer into the flooring, “-that.” The other two laughed. “So I walked into Huidong and was chasing this guy, Aeko? I caught up to him in some brothel, he walked out  _ roaring,  _ completely smashed. But he takes down three of my retinue then I pull the Prince’s blades out and-” for demonstration purposes, he pulled the two  _ dao  _ out, “whoosh whoosh, slice slice-” to which he makes those  _ whoosh _ effects with his blades, “-I’m chopping this guy up like he’s a piece of pig-steak” and Song sheathed his blades. Not actually his, but they became his. “What about you, How? First Siege?” and Song made a mock of How’s voice with “‘I’m going to charge their tanks, oh no all my men are dead?’” before buckling in laughter. How stood quite resolute against this not-that-offensive-quite-accurate-instead remark.

I came up behind Song, easily standing a head-taller than him, to which How and Fong saw me and bowed. “Sorry to break your war stories, but I was thinking. We’ve got an army, right?” and the three formed a neat line, looked at me, as if trying to verify I was serious, then laughed. “We have something. I don’t know if it’s an army, Your Majesty” from How. Song whacked him in the chest with an uppercut. “We have an army, yes. We’ve got nothing to do.” and Fong looked at the two and stumbled, laughing hoarsely. “How, take your no-heroic weapons and go do that parade” and I walked past him. “Let’s meet in the Council Tower, now.” and I made eye contact with Fong and Song as if to invite them without words. They understood my one eye’d contact.

As we walked down the halls of the Imperial Palace, a pair of Dai Li came sliding along the ceiling before falling down in front of me. “Letter from the Commander” remarked one, “says it’s urgent” remarked the other one with a identical voice. I took the scroll, opened it, and saw a bunch of names. Lee? Like ten different Lees. And their addresses in Ba Sing Se’s Upper Ring. “I don’t know who these people are, here’s my stamp” and I stamped it. I handed it back to one of the agents, who bowed, before the two jumped up to the ceiling for ease of transportation. 

I reached the top of the Thousand Steps yet again. The sun was high enough that it no longer came through the eastern pillars. Down in the Inner Courtyard, Fire Lord Zuko was practicing his katas, punching fire blasts at air. Druk was watching him with intent.  _ I  _ was watching him with intent. An Imperial Guard shouted “Presenting, His Imperial Majesty!” and the Imperial Guard who were relaxing and patrolling around ran up to the aisle again. This time, the Courtyard was packed. That mass of officials from earlier were scattered about. When they heard the horns blast, they looked up at me. So did Druk and Zuko. The officials hobbled up to form a crowd on either side of the Imperial Guard partitioned aisleway. Then they kowtowed as a uniform blob of near-perfect kowtows. “Ten Thousand Years!” cried one man. Then the rest repeated the chant. 

Beneath the stairs, a truck was slowly working its way through the crowd. “I’m guessing you three came in a truck?” “We did,” Fong said smugly. I descended the stairs, the other two behind me. The crowd kept kowtowing as the truck parked itself on the centerline. An Imperial Guard jumped out, ran around the other side, and opened the door for me. I got to the bottom of the staircase and thanked the driver before hopping in. My medals banged against one another thanks to all these fast motions. As did Fong and Song and their chests  _ coated  _ in silvers and golds. 

“Driver, the Council Tower, now.” “Right away, Your Majesty.” and the truck puttered up before the driver  _ kicked  _ something and the vehicle started up. “And this is why I prefer ostrich horses” I quipped to the other two. “Right, they only die when you approach the enemy lines.” from Fong. Correction, from Fong and his warhammer that threatens to turn my face into mush courtesy of an accidental speed bump.  _ We don’t have speed bumps, right?  _

“I noticed the medals. Your Majesty is a hero” Song stated while looking closely at mine. “Yes, I’ve heard this before.” I replied, part happy for the compliments, part just as amused as I was when I first received those medals. “How even has a song for Her Imperial Majesty’s heroics.” Now, if anyone heard my laughter without context, they’d think I just choked on a piece of seal jerky and the last vestiges of my breaths were giving out. If they knew the laughter with context, they’d understand the exacerbated maniacal laughter. “A song? How can write?” I asked with a shocked voice. Fong and Song laughed at the same time. “No, but the Imperial Musician can, Your Majesty.” “Is this what you three were doing for the past season?” “No...maybe, Your Majesty?” from Fong,  _ knowing you that’s a yes _ , and a “No, Your Majesty” from Song. I’m with Song. “Aren’t you a poet, Song? I’ve heard your ballads” I changed the topic to ask a question on the back of my mind. “I am.” he said, calm but also quite confident.

“Sing a song, Song!”  _ Hey, that’s not bad _ . “As Your Majesty insists” and he coughed to himself. “I’m warning you, it’s a ballad and it doesn’t rhyme.” “Rhyme? Is that a spice?” and Fong’s joke made me laugh unironically.  _ Yes, it’s an immature laugh. Yes, riding in a regular truck towards a tower with two of the highest ranked people in the Empire isn’t the best place for this. No, I don’t care.  _ Song coughed for attention, not that he didn’t have it already, and began:

_ The enemy officer is a worthy foe _

_ I strive to be his match _

_ The men he commands are as fierce as fire _

_ Mine are as sturdy as earth _

_ His men fight ferociously _

_ My men are unwavering _

_ He wishes for an honorable end _

_ I wish for a glorious last stand _

_ To the aggressor, the spirit of Agni _

_ To the defender, the spirit of Oma _

_ May the victor remember the defeated for their valor _

_ May my last words be: _

_ Long live the Empire of Ten Thousand Years! _

We couldn’t applaud him within a moving vehicle but I’m sure Fong also thought to applaud him. While Song recoiled with a smile on his lips, passionate about the words he just sang in a deep voice, I looked at Fong. “You’re next.” “But I’m not a poet.” “Surely years of war has given you  _ something  _ you would say to warm the soldier’s hearts?” I said, knowing full well what he  _ would  _ say to his troops.  _ It’s not a song. I know that for sure _ . “Ah” and he laughed to himself, “you want to hear the March of Fong, Your Majesty?” “That’s not the name” Song said like someone’s mother trying to get their son to admit the truth. “You’re right, it’s called the ‘March of the Southerners’ and it goes like this” and Fong coughed to catch his voice before beginning. Song and I prayed he wouldn’t break our ears. 

_ Men of the Empire! The drums have sounded! The horns have blared! _

_ Today we march! Forward to victory! Forward to death!  _

_ You will face impossible odds! Most of you will die!  _

_ We may lack their weapons or their bending, but we make up for it in us! _

_ If the Empress wished your survival, you’d be born the Consort!  _

_ Heed the words of the Empress! Not one step back! _

_ On to a glorious death! On to your last breath! _

_ Ten Thousand Years to the Empire! Ten Thousand Years to our Empress!  _

He had to cough to catch his breath before bellowing a “ _ Huzzah! _ ” and returning to a normal, less ear-piercing, voice. “How does it sound?” he asked the two of us like he just created the greatest piece of poetry in history. “I think that’s the greatest piece of poetry in history” I commented. He smiled. “I know. I wrote it.” I turned to Song, who looked like he needed a whiskey and I don’t think he drinks. “Song, any wisdom?” He smacked his lips, opened his eyes, and “Nah, Your Majesty. I’ve known him too long to say he has anything wise.” I had a need for  _ more _ , so I asked “and what do the two of you say before you charge?” which got the two to ask “Your Majesty first.”  _ Hm _ .

“For the Empress!” and I brought my hand down like I was wielding my  _ jian _ . “That’s too generic, try-” and Fong made his voice nice and quakey, “Onwards to death, you bastard sons of Oma!” Song laughed at the two of us and humbly, softly, admitted “A glorious last stand!” was his choice of final words. Others may ask ‘what’s with you two and death’ but if they knew the Imperial Army, they’d be singing something similar. Which brings us to the Army.

“Welcome, Your Majesty, to the War Room” the lanky, tall, General of the East, announced, from his position over on the eastern side of the world map. My first thought was ‘ _ well How’s busy, Fong and Song are with me, you’re Jun...so’  _ “Where’s Zhi? In a tavern?” I asked and guessed. “At the Jasmine Dragon,” General Jun responded, bowing before turning to point in the direction of the Jasmine Dragon. “Can someone find him and pull him over here?” I asked the well-dressed Imperial Army soldiers scattered around the expansive room. 

The Council of Five’s tower, guess what,  _ towers _ over the Upper Ring skyline. The bottom floor is two stories above the ground as it, thanks to a set of stairs designed specifically to allow the Earth Empire’s emblem to be proudly stamped into the red earth. Maybe not specifically, but it looks pretty. We stand some nine stories above the rest of the Upper Ring and this gives us and past occupants a great view of the absolutely-never-on-fire Upper Ring. The room itself is decorated with statues of badgermoles, not lifelike, along with green blocks with the Earth Empire emblem carved into them in its usual style. Because we need to be reminded who owns this place, the Earth Empire coin is  _ everywhere _ . The room has a vaulted ceiling some two to three stories tall. 

As for the doorway used to enter the massive room? A large portrait of Her Imperial Majesty in her Imperial Springtime Robes, sitting on the Badgermole Throne. In full color. Considering she hates sitting still, I don’t know how the Court Painter got around to painting a six or seven Consort’s foot tall portrait of her that is actually larger than the real her. And yet it keeps the scale correctly. She practically vanishes into the Badgermole Throne’s cushions, almost like the eponymous badgermole is hugging her too tightly.  _ Then again I’ve seen Lord Qiangyang hug her and it looks the same _ . I know that if I turn around at any point in this room, I get to be greeted with a larger-than-life portrait of her. At four ‘me’ feet and about a half, she’s already intimidating enough. Making her  _ my  _ height? She might as well be Kyoshi the Second. Needless to say, I shall avoid turning around to look  _ up  _ at her lifeless green eyes. 

The War Room has, guess what?, the War Table. On the War Table is the Map of the Four Nations. It’s color-coded to remind all the loyal Earth Empire generals who habit this place which side they are on.  _ It’s the side with all the beige coloring. _ I’ve never seen a map larger than this and I don’t think I ever will. It also has built in goblet and bowl holders for drinks and bowls of jerked meats, since planning campaigns can make one parched and starving. Not as starved as the Imperial Army. They can eat when they’re dead. Back to our pompous positioning.

“Generals, present your scrolls” I announced from my position looking towards the five seats. Which became three occupied and two vacant as the three present found their seats. It goes, looking  _ towards  _ the seats, that is I would be standing next to the North Pole: Leftmost, General of the East; between left and center, General of the South; center, General of the Center and Head of the Council; between center and right, General of the North; right, General of the West. Just as Jun was pulling a scroll out, something hit me like Toph’s fist and my shoulder. 

“We were sailing the Feicui a few days ago when we came under harassment from a squadron, no, multiple squadrons, of monoplanes.” and I took a figurine of an aircraft and placed it on the table. Tiles are meant to be earthbent around but  _ someone  _ had the bright idea to include long poles with little semi-circle ends that could ‘grab’ a piece and push and pull it around.  _ Thanks, small clamping mechanism designed for this purpose _ . I took one and pushed it over to the Feicui. The Map was scattered with all kinds of figures and it’s not my business -actually it is but don’t tell anyone- to know which Armies are where and why. 

“So?  _ Daofei  _ are  _ daofei _ , Your Majesty” commented Jun. “Where did they come from?” I asked, immediately annoyed at the lack of a comprehensive rely. “The reports said they were stolen from an airbase in Sunan, Your Majesty” Song remarked. “And which of you three deals with Sunan?” and Song and Fong took a step back. So I looked to Jun. “Want to confess?” I said while  _ squinting _ . “I wanted a squadron of aircraft to be deployed to every commandery capital” he...I guess I could call that a confession. “And you’re telling me a bunch of  _ daofei  _ showed up to a commandery  _ capital  _ and stole some aircraft?” He put his hands together and bowed. “I cannot tell Your Majesty how these  _ daofei  _ obtained such simple vehicles.” Now that just got me furious. “You’re telling me you can’t explain how you lost eight state-of-the-art, heavier-than-air vehicles that only started production a year ago?” and the Ceiling Dai Li fell from the ceiling and came to my sides. “ _ Daofei  _ raided the encampment and stole them?” he pondered, except he made it sound like a question. “How did they get in?” I asked, lacking the  _ hopefully present  _ tactical awareness these people had. “Because the Colonel assigned to Sunan, Sheng-Lee, is incompetant and needs to be replaced, Your Majesty” The Earth Empire: It’s always the low-ranked officer’s fault. “And you  _ knew  _ of his incompetence?” I hit back, raising an eyebrow. “No, but that is the only logical conclusion.” 

I don’t ‘hate’ Jun. Or any of these Generals. The one with the fewest medals among the four of us is Jun with only a dozen. But he’s still a war hero. In fact, I might even believe he’s right. The tall man wore a white and green General’s outfit and bore a long, chest-length, beard that was quite similar to a Ganjinese’s choice of facial hair. He’s got a  _ near  _ perfect record of handling the neverending nightmare we like to refer to as “Huizhou”. Specifically, the part of Huizhou between Minquan and the coast of Suxu. He’s got the least war experience, that is he’s barely ever fought the Fire Nation, but he’s still more than qualified. Others may have him executed for one mishap but no, he gets a second chance. Besides, my ultimate objective is a mass reform. He can wait his turn.

“Go ahead then, order Colonel Sheng’s arrest.” and I pulled the monoplace piece to the edge of the table where I grabbed it and put it back in a bin of assorted figures. Jun drew out a scroll and wrote something down on it, produced his own stamp, and marked it. Then he handed it to a soldier who carried it out of the room. Fong pushed, with earthbending, a couple dozen tiles evenly across the Southlands. He turned to face his fellowmen and “I wish for this to be the main talking matter of today’s discussions.” Then he looked at me and I gave him a slight nod. A,  _ go right ahead _ , if you will. 

“The Southern Army is far too spread out.” and he raised one of the tiles off the ground with a single palm raise. “If we continue without reinforcement, the upcoming summer will bring disastrous increases in sandbender raids.” I looked at the Si Wong, the large sandpit that prevents access to the South.  _ The egg began cracking _ . A large sandpit that forces a traveller or trader on one land route and one of two sea routes.  _ Crack _ . A large sandpit that is barely kept in check.  _ Crack _ . A large sandpit that the masses of the Imperial Army can barely manage.  _ Crack _ . A large sandpit that requires hardy men to manage it.  _ Crack _ . A large sandpit that requires... _ the egg shattered open _ … “A dedicated fighting force!” I shouted like a raving madman.

The other three looked at me funny. “Dedicated fighting force, Your Majesty? What for?” Jun asked, the large bamboo reed hunching down to gaze at me.  _ How do I explain it? The Earth Kingdom rarely had specialized troops. But the provinces aren’t the Imperial Army.  _ “The Sunan Riders!” I shouted. The three gave me these unsure looks. “Who are they?” Fong asked. Song was tapping his chin, then he pointed at the air and with a grizzled voice, yelled “I know what he’s talking about!” Now the other two looked at him. 

“The Sunan Riders are a ten thousand strong force of Riders. They’re from Sunan Commandery, located just south of Chameleon Bay.” and Song recited their names and titles off with...precision. A kind of accuracy that distinguishes between someone faking it and someone who  _ knows _ it. “Sunan? That’s Jun’s lands” remaked Fong. He’s technically right. Sunan is located in the Duchy of Xigousi, which being east of the Si Wong and north of Qingjian makes it part of Jun’s ‘watch’, so to speak. “Lieutenant Ju-Long, the ‘Sand Fisher’, was the  _ best  _ back then.” As such, the other Generals looked at him, probably thinking ‘what are you talking about?’ Fong, being to-the-point, frustratedly asked “but you’re General of the West. What’re you doing in the east?”

But I remembered. Because I remembered the stories of Song. Song, the Aged General. Song, the Pass Cleaver. “Because while you two were suckling your mom’s teats, I was Colonel and I rode with Sergeant Ju-Long against the Huidongers.” Oh Song, never change your ancient ‘to tired of this’ tone. “Then why aren’t you General of the South?” asked the General of the South, possibly realizing he’s about to become General of the Nowhere. “Fire Nation blood’s the best blood.  _ Daofei _ are boring to kill. Wouldn’t you agree, General of  _ Daofei  _ Chasers?” and he gestured to Jun. 

“What’s your point?” retorted the  _ I’ve-been-wronged  _ tone of Jun. “That man’s got to be, what, forty? He and I were part of that anti-Long Feng coalition that mysteriously was barred from Ba Sing Se.” and he hit himself in the gut and laughed. “Then Iroh dueled a wall and I dueled his son.” and Song gave a complimentary bow out towards the south, somewhere.  _ Respectful of your foes. Well done, Song. _ Jun, again, tried to continue the conversation on the right path. “Ju-Long got stripped of his rank. Now he’s Lieutenant Ju-Long, ‘cause when you  _ leave  _ the Army, you get a promotion and he was Sergeant when I knew him” and Song laughed at his own joke. “And you knew him when?” Fong asked, still befuddled. “When was the last time Crown Prince Iroh punched a hole in the wall? A couple years before that. Back when His Late Majesty sat on the Badgermole Throne.” His Late Majesty refers to the Fifty-First Earth King, Wei-Hung. Song had, in Fong’s words, ‘a large pair of stones’ for speaking out against the Dai Li in the middle of Ba Sing Se. Not that Song cares. “I serve the Badgermole Throne. So do they. We’re friends.” and he looked up at the ceiling and went “right?” and smiled. 

“So your idea is to conscript this guy and his ten thousand-” “twelve, Your Majesty-” “twelve thousand riders?” but Song shook his head. “You were the one to blurt out their name. I just told these two rockheads who they are.” Said two rockheads nodded.  _ Right. Sunan Riders. What was my point _ ? Then it hit me again. “Those Riders are some of the best mounted troops in the Earth Empire, right? Not much else can beat them on the steppe.” and Song smiled. “What if we had specialized troops, like the-”  _ what was their name? Raven-heads? Excellent waterbender hunters from Whaletail? The ones we faced at Caldera?  _ “-The Southern Raiders. Why don’t we create a standing army that, like the Southern Raiders or Sunan Riders.” and Fong slammed the table. Not wanting to be impolite to the impolite man, I let him speak. “And like the Sunan Riders, they won’t be a stationary garrison. And like the Southern Raiders, they’ll be of a higher standard of training.” then Jun added his own thoughts in. “And they’d be given the best and latest weapons and vehicles. They’d be staffed by the best officers.” and then Song concluded with “and like the Riders, they are loyal to the Badgermole Throne first, not their local Magistrate.” 

I can’t explain the kind of vibrant energy that flowed around the room, but I had this...urge...to pull out my jian. So I did. I thrust it into the air and shouted “That’s genius! Those are all great!” and the other three had these...grins. They were grinning. They felt it too.  _ Charismatic yelling wins over debating. Go, the Empire.  _ “Write this up before the Fire Nation attacks!” Song, the veteran who’s faced hundreds of Fire Nation offensives, declared. “Hear hear!” from Fong. “May I call a toast?” Jun interrupted in his formallest voice. I thought maybe he’d kill the mood, but no. “I wish to toast to this new idea.” and the rest of us gave affirmatives in agreement while one of Jun’s -his men wear white and green clothes- men wrote down the suggestions. 

A fine wine, grapes from somewhere, probably Dongfang, was brought out. The soldiers tasted it first before an attendant poured it into each of our goblets. We raised our goblets and, first, as is tradition, “To the Earth Empress!” I shouted. “To Her Imperial Majesty! Long may she live!” the other three responded with their different voices. “To the Earth Empire!” I shouted, which made them chant “To Her Imperial Majesty’s Empire! Ten Thousand Years!” And we downed this fine tasting, fresh, wine. 

Such is the nature of the Earth Empire. Thousands talk and talk and a handful of people make the big decisions. We work from dawn until dusk and always chant “To the Earth Empress” despite her never attending these meetings. We toil so Toph can live in peace. Others might not want to do it, nor can they handle it.  _ It is, indeed, too much for most sane people _ . But that’s why they’re not the Emperor. Or the Generals. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks:  
> -Zuko did recover from all those accidental deaths. Not really, but the Fire Nation's never going to admit defeat.  
> -Mori has a couple phobias, Ty Lee's eyelashes and ever-present flirtatiousness take the cake.   
> -Mori loves the mornings.  
> -The Palace of Tranquility is for, what else, relaxing afternoons and passionate heir making.   
> -The drum and bell towers are how time was announced in Imperial China  
> -Sun is the Japanese version of 3cm or 1.1 inches. Thus, "not one sun out of place" could mean "not one inch out of place".  
> -Mai isn't going to elaborate on Fire Nation customs. She follows them and resents them almost as much as the Empress does. The one thing the Fire Lord does do right is follow the customs. Doesn't stop the assassination attempts, but hey, it's something.  
> -The Dai Li's stiff rule-abiding will come back in the future. The near future.   
> -In the time it takes Mori to get to his chair, the Dai Li were able to pull up a scroll on the upcoming traffic plans, stamp it a bunch of times, and bring it to the appropriate minister.
> 
> -In case it wasn't laid out, Xuan 'broke' 'law' to replace the Home Army garrisons at the Gates with his own Dai Li agents. Since he's the Dai Li, there's a loophole by which he can do whatever he wants.   
> -Mori's study has a massive secret stash of Clear Whiskey. Kyoshi's Own Clear Whiskey: For all the times you want to drown out the nonsense you're living through with a sweet, sweet taste.  
> -Song and Fong's choice of 'songs' is meant to clue you in to their personalities.   
> -Song spent most of his career campaigning across the then-Kingdom, hunting Fire Nationals and bandits alike. As such, his long tenure of worldliness means he learned of the kind of officers that most of the Council of Five have never heard of.   
> -You'll meet Ju-Long soon. Quite soon.  
> -Mori is finally proposing the creation of the Banner Armies. But as this is the Empire, reforms can't be instantaneous. They need to be proved as correct, first. 
> 
> -I know what you're thinking. "Why not have the generals debate Mori all day and night."   
> 1) I hate that trope. Why must everything always be a confrontation? Why can't a bunch of men on the same side come to a quick agreement when someone says something rational?   
> 2) I think it goes against their characters. The Generals may joke around, and it might take a little bit of time to convince them that they're not correct, but at the end of the day, the Council of Five is loyal to the Badgermole Throne. And they're loyal to good ideas.


	30. There Are No Riots in Ba Sing Se

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are no populist anti-Fire Nation uprisings in these walls.

Chapter Ninety-Six:

“We’re honored at Your Majesty’s-” I started speaking before the guard could finish his rehearsed speech. “Just open the door, I’m here to see Bishe” and the two guards kowtowed before opening the doorway to the Upper Ring estate. A young woman and two young men awaited me on the other side, bearing plates and “refreshments, for Your Majesty’s pleasure” according to the woman. I walked right past them. “If I wanted refreshments, I’d be in the Imperial Palace.” Then I looked at the most responsible looking among them, a guard, and asked “Where’s Bishe?” On the other side of the small garden, the door to the house was opened.

Most of Ba Sing Se’s Upper Ring is dedicated to the houses of military and civil officials. The entire Imperial Court, officers in all the different armies, Magistrates, Governors, everyone gets a house here. If they’re important enough, they have a house here. Because a majority of these houses belong to officials working across the Empire, most of the Upper Ring is far emptier than one may think. To own a house here may not be for personal use, no, no, it’s a landmark of how powerful you are. You own a house in the Upper Ring. Millions don’t. Lower ranked officials don’t.

Every official receives, among other things, a personal house, carriage, and household staff composed of servants. The household staff travels with the official from whatever town, city or Ring he was an official in previously when he comes here. As for the house itself, the closer the structure is to the Imperial Palace, specifically the South Gate, the higher the rank of the official. Most houses are in fact walled complexes; miniatures of the grandiose Imperial Palace. Just as we have quarters for our staff, a majority of these houses have small servant’s quarters located to the side or out back of the estate. If an official is single, that is, without a spouse or family, they may receive a much smaller guest house. One story instead of two. No walls instead of walls. An estate often has a front yard garden to allow the official to have something earth-based to tend to. Rock gardens are a common sight. Actual gardens are less common, but are a signal of someone tending to the crops year round. Which has a bunch of implications about piety, ‘being connected with the earth we tread upon’ and all that, and it also means someone lives there. It’s considered more prestigious if the court official himself is the one tending to the tiny plot of land, but as with everything else in the Empire, it’s easier to force your household to do it for you. No two estates are perfectly alike, each official giving it his own finishing touches. In general, they are made with green and gold tiled roofs and expensive white-tinted stones. For in the Empire, wealth is determined by how far a stone must travel to complete one’s building, home or wall. 

The previous Grand Secretariat was in the process of converting the sides of the Inner Courtyard into a row of guest houses at the time of his demise. Upon Toph’s ascension, we had two rows of guest houses built practically overnight, one on either side of the massive pathway. The reason? It keeps a select few within constant supervision of the Dai Li and allows someone, such as I, to pay our honored guests a visit without having to leave the Palace Compound.

Even with all the previously mentioned facts, the regions directly adjacent to the Imperial Palace are quite different from those out in the ‘middle’ between the Imperial Palace and the Middle Ring’s low wall. The analogy often used to describe this unfamiliar style of construction is the Chariot’s Wheel. The Palace is the hub of the many spokes. Only two spokes are quite prominent, the Northern and Southern ones, which form the Central Axis Road. The other six spokes, one for a direction, lead towards the Palace as well but aren’t nearly as large in terms of size as the Central Axis. Along all eight spokes lie a city of their own. Smaller Upper Ring houses, one story, two stories, along with the fanciest tea houses and restaurants. As one goes further and further away from a ‘spoke’, they end up in a much more rural environment. The empty spaces between the ‘spokes’ are where entire _siheyuans_ , each the size of the Beifong’s in Gaoling, are built. These structures are surrounded by pristine meadow and forestland. Little streams and creeks weave their way around the rural land, fed by rainfall and ancient underground springs. It’s considered prestigious to hunt wild game out in these lands. Of course, the Ministers and officials know their way around a bow, arrows and a forest as well as the Empress knows her way around reading, writing and painting. And all it takes is some sage to explain that it’s okay to _not_ hunt for all these officials to excuse themselves from demonstrating any kind of martial prowess. I guess their legs can’t handle it. I also guess they’re busy doing nothing.

An official has a ‘choice’, either live along a major roadway where they have direct access to the Palace, or live out in the ‘country’, so to speak, where they have large properties but can’t come to Court as often. So what do the officials do? They own both. The richer ones own a ‘rural’ -its still within a city- _siheyuan_ in the Upper Ring in addition to a house along one of the main ‘spokes’ or roadways. They’re granted the houses for being government officials, but that doesn’t stop them from buying fancier structures. And, more to the point, buying expensive stones imported from the far ends of the Empire. Ba Sing Se is like its own country where the less houses surround one’s home, the richer they are perceived to be and are. Owning a house isn’t enough. It is along one of these roadways, within sight of the terracotta walls and golden spires of the Imperial Palace, that I was led to one of these three story houses -thanks, the Imperial Guard- where the Minister of the Guards resides and conducts his governmental affairs. 

“Your Majesty! What a privilege! Can I get you anything? I just got a new shipment of Qianshan” and he kowtowed out of tradition. Qianshan, a commandery located along the Tuhai River to the east of Ba Sing Se, is a region famous for its wines. Except I’m not some lowly official who has to settle for Shi Ju Zi instead. “Minister, it is not a good idea to try and bribe me.” I told him off while I barged through his living room, adorned with green carpets and paintings of forests with rivers running through them. I heard his hobbled self coming after me and in a terrified voice, “I would never dare, Your Majesty!” So I stopped, turned around to face him, and smiled. “Good, now, what are you doing about this traffic issue?” He kowtowed and bopped his rich wooden floors extra hard. After rising, _letting him rise_ , he told me “If Your Majesty comes with me, the papers are just in there.” I glanced to the right at the lantern-lit room with a stone desk and papers neatly organized atop it, then back to him. “I’m not moving.” and I pointed at that room. “You’re the Minister, bring me the papers.” and he bowed and went in there. Meanwhile, an attendant came with a pitcher of what I have to assume is his ‘finest’ wine. She gave me this fake smile, no words since I guess she’s too lowly to say them, and I replied “thank you, I don’t drink.” _I don’t drink your cheap garbage. I’m the Emperor. I can afford the finest Clear Whiskey imported straight from Kyoshi Island._

“Here it is!” he shouted from inside his office. _I’m not going in there_ . “You’re going to have to walk” I spoke while watching him feign a limp. “But my legs, Your Majesty” and he intensified the limp. I gave this head-tip-gesture and one of my Imperial Guards walked over to retrieve the... _what, three?_ , papers he was holding. The guard handed them to me, I sat down on his cushioned couch, and looked over the papers. A full detail of orders, signed off by all kinds of people whose names I didn’t recognize, which stated that the Dai Li would, to quote the handwriting of one Grand Secretariat Han whose name was present, “take over from here for the remainder of the Fire Lord’s visit.” 

“What’s all this hassle over?” I said while standing up, absolutely awestruck that all this...disagreement, was over some orders. The Minister walked up to me. “Your Majesty, it appears as if the Imperial Army do not want to be confined to barracks.” _Yes, I knew that already_ . “And why does it matter?” I asked, because this seemed like a simple matter. The Dai Li are far more trained to deal with issues than the Imperial Army. “Because we’re expecting mass unrest from His Majesty, the Fire Lord, standing atop the Thousand Steps and giving a speech” and he coughed “about _peace_ .” _Again, I knew this_ . I turned my head slightly so he could look at me in my existing eye. “And what are you doing about all of it?” “I’m coming to the conclusion that we should just close the gates, Your Majesty” _Right, close the gates. That’s a great idea, I think. And I’m also being sarcastic. That’s not great,_ “that’s idiotic.” he tugged at the collar of his robe. “Your Majesty, here’s the thing about that-” _no, don’t tell me_ , I interrupted him and guessed “-you already shut the gates?” and he suddenly appeared white-faced. “I…” _That’s a yes_ . I grabbed him and said “you. Tell me these things first! It’s not like I had a _solution_ to these problems!” followed by my tossing of him to the floor. I walked over him, shouted, “Guards! My ride!” and marched out the door. _I love the Empire. Everyone’s all independent-minded and doing whatever they want. Especially when it concerns mass crowds_.

I got out the door and hopped right into the motorized Imperial Carriage. “The station! With haste!” and pulled the door shut. The Imperial Guard that came with me, the whole platoon of ‘em, got on their ostrich horses and the carriage started up and I commanded “Hit the road!” to which the driver followed through. Normally guards don’t speak to me but this driver must’ve been new because “why the haste, Your Majesty?” “I’d like to get somewhere before something really, really, stupid happens.” Satisfied with that small amount of vague knowledge, and also because it's his job, he hit the road and we drove down a side road before making a left and a right and ending up on the Central Axis. 

Why the concern? If the Dai Li replace the guards, they replace the guards. But shutting the gates? For the entirety of the Fire Lord’s visit? Of course there’s going to be people upset with the Fire Lord’s visit. But by shutting the gates, the only thing we’ll do is make the Lower Ring think we’re betraying them. Like it or hate it, Ba Sing Se is our capital. The workers are ours. The soldiers are ours. And sometimes, as I said out loud, “the people love the Badgermole Throne more than they love themselves.” If the people see me, no I can’t earthbend a mountain at someone, but I can attempt to reassure some of their more fanatical views. _And this is why we don’t hold world leader meetings in Ba Sing Se, Aang. Maybe the people are amicable with you, because you’re the Avatar, but the Fire Lord? The man whose father, grandfather and great-grandfather were directly responsible if not actively involved in the extermination of entire cultures and the deaths of hundreds of thousands if not millions over the course of a hundred and thirty years._

The driver came to a halt at the train station. I jumped out and the Imperial Guard with me. Why aren’t they sliding along the earth? For one, we don’t want to damage the expensive stonework. For two, we don’t want to make the _entire government, which lives along these roads,_ think something’s up. Me in a truck? Normal procedure. Me being carried along? There’s probably a rebellion somewhere close enough that I can see it with my missing eye. 

There’s always an Imperial Carriage, no not something we requisitioned from a Magistrate in the middle of nowhere in the Southlands, the _actual_ Imperial Carriage, parked at the stop closest to the Imperial Palace. It’s empty for obvious reasons and there’s always a detachment of Imperial Guards who await its next use. Us Imperials like to travel around, as is obvious. I jumped inside and “to the Middle Ring Wall!” and sat down on one of the many dozens of seats. When I call it a Carriage, it is not an individual object. It’s an entire military entourage built into a mobilized monorail. Defensive platforms made of metal at the very front and back. Artillery pieces on earthen swivelable platforms behind the defensive edges. Anti-aircraft behind them. More artillery behind the anti-aircraft artillery. Two carriages of ostrich horse stables. As The Mechanist once said, ‘It’s not a monorail, it's a mobile fortress. ’Then there’s the line of carriages for Toph and I’s personal usage. Quarters for the two of us, a dinner room, a washroom complete with an actual bathtub and all other amenities, a study, a room for practicing archery, along with select manuscripts of the Imperial Archives that _some ministry_ has the job of picking out for my personal reading in a library. And of course, there’s the room where Toph can sit down on a ship throne -actually a palanquin throne- and hold a kind of train court. There’s also carriages for the Imperial Guard, Dai Li and Kyoshi Warriors who would accompany us on our insane journeys from place to place. More quarters and living spaces. Our ‘official’ bedrooms are located within proximity to one of many exits. Instead of using those, the Empress and I sleep right down the aisle from the main ‘living room’, expansive enough to hold a informal dinner. On the other side of the living room, guest quarters and soldier’s quarters. We just prefer it, as our journeys across the Empire and Ba Sing Se have shown. _Because this model uses the same schematics for rooms as some of those models_ . It’s powered by a large steam engine based on a ‘tank-train’ model designed in the Fire Nation. It reaches similarly fast speeds. Imperial Guards can act as additional propulsion if needed. These same engines are also slowly being rotated into use by trains across the Empire, but because we’re special, we get it first. _Go us!_ And finally, to top off the pompousness, everything’s painted green and blue for the Imperial Sigil with some carriages bearing the full fan-and-flying-boar version. 

This Carriage takes precedence over all others. In the past year, Toph demanded a mass increase in public transportation. When she said ‘public transportation’ the Council of Five and the Dai Li heard ‘military transportation’. Because the public doesn’t matter that much. The military and the Dai Li and all the war machines _do_ . Where there used to be one monorail line, there might now be four or five. And one is kept empty for emergency military use. And unlike the Ministries to whom an emergency is...I don’t even know...the Dai Li tend to be more...rational? Down to earth? Not inebriated? _Quick?_ As such, we didn’t have to worry about the high amount of traffic that happened to be plaguing the Gates this fine morning. We had an empty rail line that acted as an express from the Imperial Palace to wherever I felt like going. And about the traffic, _oh Kyoshi_....

We reached the small -it’s still gigantic by anyone else’s standards- Middle-Upper Ring wall and it’s border crossing. Officially it’s the “Densheng-Ren Jia Pu” crossing, but I’m always going to call it a border crossing. Why? I have some _fond_ memories of crossing from the Middle to Upper Ring. According to something ancient, any citizen of the Middle Ring was free to enter the Upper Ring. Officially? You’d have to be the Avatar to avoid the bureaucratic nightmare of, as they call it, ‘going in’ or ‘going up’ from the Middle to Upper Ring.

_“Next!” someone with gravel for a throat shouted. Toph and I stepped forward. “Papers?” the Dai Li agent asked from behind his glass window. “Here’s my papers, Kyoshi.” and Toph shoved me at the window like I was a paper. “Papers?” he asked, looking up from Toph and her fancy qitou and at me and my short queue. I was new to queues. “I’m a paper.” I stated, being half-asleep. It was an especially rough day. Note, just because you can earthbend a hole through someone’s house doesn’t mean you should. ‘Who needs rules’ is never a very good justification for anything. And I’m happy and sorry to say, I didn’t try stopping her. “I’m going to need some papers to verify you are a paper.” the gravel-voice responded. “She’s blind, forgive her” and I did the head-nod thing at her. “I’m going to need papers to verify that” he responded, still cold. Toph flailed her hands, very uncourtly of her and her courtly dress, and “he’s my seeing eye man” and tugged on my arm. “Do you have some papers to prove you are a man?” the agent asked. “I’m a man” I stated, being a man. He scribbled something down. “Papers?” “How can I prove it to you without-” he interrupted my plea with “are you a eunuch?” I looked at him, confused. Are eunuchs not men? “I’m not a eunuch, why?” “If you were a eunuch, that would confirm you are a man.” he stated, coldly, while the brim of his hat stared into my soul. “I can make Kyoshi a eunuch if that’d help” the sweet-voiced noblewoman offered, tightening her fist. “I’ve got some experience in it” she said, trying to convince him. “No you don’t” I whispered. “I can get some experience right now” she counter-whispered. He scribbled something down and asked “What is your affiliation with her?” “I’m her seeing eye man, as you know.” “Indeed, I’ve yet to receive some papers proving you are. But what is your affiliation with her?” “I’m sorry, I don’t understand”, I spoke, not understanding. “Are you or anyone you know married to her?” I looked down at her while she shrugged. She wasn’t going to see me looking at her, but I was looking at her. He took a note of me looking at her. “Well...yes, but actually no. But also...kind of.” and this is the only time I’d figure he’d get confused. Instead, he scribbled something down. “Do you have any children?” he asked, leaning down to look her in the eye. “No.” we both stated, not offended but...surprised. “I’m going to need to see some papers,” he told her. “She’s fourteen.” I explained. Because she was fourteen. And nobody short of the Lord of Gaoling thinks fourteen year olds make for people who should bear children. And even then, that’s just for political use. “I’m going to need to see some papers.” he once again stated. “Can I pretend I have papers?” I asked, sleep deprivation getting to me. Obtaining court clothes wasn’t the hard part. We already owned them. Being walloped in the chest by a mugger and his companions is hard. Or...it was hard. Large earth gauntlets that cave skulls in are a good answer to most problems. As is grabbing a man’s ears and kneeing him very hard in the face. Very very hard. Then pulling his knife out of his scabbard and plunging it through his face. And his friend’s face. Back to this. “As long as it’s not in front of this counter, you can do whatever you want.” and he went back to looking at me without looking at me. I waited a moment and “I have the papers here” and pretended to fumble through my expensive Gaoling robe. He scribbled something down. “That’s good, now, are you planning to have children within the next half of the moon?” and he looked back and forth at us. She had a totally neutral expression, but I had the sense she was about to deck him, which I would too but there were like twenty Dai Li in this room alone. “She’s fourteen, also, that’s very specific” I commented. “New court law comes out at the next new moon, perhaps you’ll be free to do that then”, he explained. “I don’t get it, children with my…” “He’s my consort. He kisses my feet.” “...my woman that I am a consort to. Or children with others.” “Others.” I was about to stop and tell him that I do not, in fact, kiss her feet. But I went on to a different subject instead._

_“What do you have against men, my fellow man?” I asked, bringing the topic back around. “Nothing, my fellowman, but there’s lots of noble ladies inside the Upper Ring.” “So?” I asked. “Any of those unmarried noblewomen could be selected by His Royal Majesty as a consort.” I was quite confused. “And you think I’m going to chase women?” He shrugged. “That’s what most people come to the Upper Ring to do, aside from business, government related activities and trying our tea.” “I have a date, you know” I tried to explain. “I’m going to need some papers,” he told me. “She’s right here” and I pointed at said person. “You can’t prove to me that you will still be dating once you leave this checkpoint or leave the Upper Ring again.” Toph stuck out her tongue and I hit the physical ceiling with an accidental jump. Thank you Kyoshi-born height. “What kind of nonsense is that?” I asked, shocked. He shrugged again. “We cannot expect much of the visiting nobility.” “But what if we stay?” I wondered. “Ridiculous.” was his answer. “We’re in a union of interests. We’re here to make a new life for ourselves. Is that so hard to request?” was how I put it to him. It’s hard to explain what it’s like to yearn for nothing. “I have no reason to believe any of that. Unless you have some papers, that is.” “If Kyoshi leaves my sight, I’m going to kill him” and she punched me in the shoulder. “But you’re blind” the officer stated. “You can’t prove that, can you?” I said, finally getting a counterattack in. He looked at us, and at her waving her hand in front of her eyes, before remarking “I need a rest” and fainting on the spot. Another officer walked up, looked down at the documents and what was scribbled down, and continued the presumed checklist._

_“Are either of you carrying weapons?” he asked. “Kyoshi, grab me” Toph commented, probably setting up a joke. I grabbed her and lifted her off the ground. The vocalization of my exertion to do so wasn’t meant to sound like a dying tiger-seal. But it did. “I’m a weapon” and she punched the air. I was right. “I’m going to need to see some papers.” “Toph’s a weapon.” I explained. “I’m going to need to see some papers to confirm who this ‘Toph’ is.” and he expected me to pull a paper out of nothing. “And who are you?” he asked, while waiting. “I’m...nobody.” “I’m going to need to see some papers” he repeated his statement like we could pull a paper out of the air. “Wait!” I shouted at a much-higher-than-whispering volume._

_“Toph, you have a passport right?” and she nodded and reached into her courtly robes and pulled out a passport. The Beifongs love their documentation. The officer took a single glance at the passport and “forgive me!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t know” and he bowed to us before handing us the passport and a stamped piece of paper, “a temporary visa”, for her “possibly seeing eye person” marked with the words “approved”. We set off and heard the same gravelly voice announce “Next!”_ Maybe some of that memory was sleep deprived induced. What isn’t induced is what I saw with my own one eye. Who would've guessed, not a week later, our desires for a simple life ended. And whoever that agent was, he probably felt really, really, terrible about himself once the first printed posters of us arrived.

As we came through the gatehouse, I looked to my left and saw the other three rail lines. They were packed with carriages. Even as we progressed at a low speed -a turn was coming up- the carriages just kept going. I counted forty and there were three rail lines. And each one was stuffed with people. I wasn’t going slow enough to look inside at specific people. We left them behind and sped up. During a single finger of time, also known as a _dian,_ that I had to contemplate what I was about to ride into, I contemplated what I was about to ride into. _So we’re facing a population that may or may not be in total hysteria over a Fire Lord showing up in the Imperial Palace. And...some of those people are benders. And some of them might be in the Imperial Army. Whi...ch is why the Dai Li are going to be given the task of holding the gates._

The massive Inner Wall came into view. The Imperial Carriage slowed down. I stood up and turned to one of the Imperial Guards and confused him for one of my attendants, “how do I look?” “Ready to lead an army, Your Majesty” he said, smiling. _Well thank you, random guard._ My scabbard was snug and my blade was recently cleaned. I confirmed that my queue was done up and a tie bearing a small strip with the Earth Empire’s emblem on it on the very bottom. The same kind of ties the Dai Li and Long Feng used. I was dressed in my General’s garb, henceforth the “Imperial Jewelry Store”. I miss my Imperial Armor and its bluish tinge. And my Imperial Helmet and its blue plume and gold pin. And a cape. Capes are the best.

“Welcome to the Central Nan Crossing, Your Majesty” the Dai Li agent dressed like a Captain, who probably was a Captain, announced. The wind was nice and _whipping_ , probably because we’re standing a couple stories up on a platform suspending over nothing, save for a few support pillars. Okay, it has railings. The point stood while I struggled to maintain my footing. The Captain? He planted his stone feet in the stone platform and casually continued greeting me. The high winds didn’t help me hear his voice. They caused my chest to jangle like a wind chime. 

A few embarrassing _miao_ of an Emperor Imperially flopping around later, I walked over to the station. I was greeted with, what else should I expect, a line of Dai Li cordoning off the inner half of the wall with a low stone wall while a mob gathered on the other side. Across us on the other side of the tracks, a select few were passing through a two-person wide gap in the wall. The ones that made it through were allowed onto a carriage parked yet another track over. The few of them that got through were carrying passports. The mob, meanwhile, all looked to be Lower Ringers. Brown, yellow, sometimes green. Tunics, kimonos, tattered vests and not a robe among them. A few were dressed in the clothes of the Imperial Army. “Look!” one woman at the front of the writhing pack shouted, pointing at me. “It’s His Imperial Majesty!” and they cheered. _Now that’s what I was hoping for_. They backed up and kowtowed. When possible. There were lots of them, so most just ended up bringing up their hands and offering hand-bows. 

They rose as a mass. “Let us in!” they cried. “The ashmaker will burn the Palace down!” others cried. I scurried past them and over to the Captain-fellow. “Captain, can we go talk in your office?” “Right away, Your Majesty” and he led me down a hallway to a well lit room. Within the room, a desk, two cabinets, three chairs, and a poster sized portrait of Her Imperial Majesty in her Imperial Springtime Robes on the Badgermole Throne sitting behind his seat. I get the hunch this isn’t normally his room. “This isn’t normally your room, right?” and he nodded. “Took over from Captain Bai-Rong. I’m stationed here until the Fire Lord leaves.” 

I sat down across from him while he pulled a scroll out of a cabinet and spread it out on the desk. It was a detailed map of this section of the wall, including markings for border crossings, sorry, wall crossings, and the various districts on either side. ‘ _Until the Fire Lord_ ’ was the point in the document that it lost me. “The Fire Lord might leave in a month.” “Then I will maintain my post until then”, he said with that affirmative serious tone of many Dai Li. “And you were ordered to shut the gates?” He didn’t give me any looks of ‘no that’s wrong’, but he responded with “Your Majesty, I was ordered by my commander to let only those with passports through.” I turned my head towards the doorway and the sounds of an incoherent mob faintly shouting incoherent things. Then back at the Captain. He didn’t show any signs of distress at all the shouting. “And what are you going to do about that mob?” I asked to him, pressing my hands onto his desk. “I’m going to hold the line, Your Majesty.” he said, remaining emotionless. “Were you permitted to?” I pressed. “I was given the option, Your Majesty.” _I thoroughly enjoy that Dai Li response_ . “May I speak to the civilians?” I asked while a Dai Li agent silently walked into the room. “Is Your Majesty planning to disobey the orders?” he counter-asked, hitting well above his rank. “I’m planning to do as I wish, do I really need your approval?” I said matter-of-factly, quite angry at his rudeness. He didn’t fidget. “I serve the Badgermole Throne, Your Majesty.” “And I’m here, as representative of the Badgermole Throne” I insisted, my fist clenched. Calmly, he replied “If Your Majesty breaks my orders, I will have no choice but to detain Your Majesty. I serve the Badgermole Throne. Ten Thousand Years.” The last part held just a pinch of annoyance. For anyone else, that’s minor, but for the men of the Dai Li? _I don’t care. You’re not allowed to just detain the Emperor. My retinue and my blade will remain quite sure of that._

I stood up and exited the room. Last I saw of them, the Dai Li agent leaned in and whispered something to the Captain. I progressed down the hallway until the sounds of angry peasants grew closer. I couldn’t make out individual phrases because these people didn’t learn to take turns with their comments. That, and mobs tend not to take turns. That, and there were a dozen different accents in there. Some with a hint of a dialect or two that I wasn’t the most familiar with. I rounded the bend and came up behind the line of Dai Li. 

“It’s His Imperial Majesty!” one of the peasants shouted to help everyone else distinguish the walking jewelry store with one eye from the black and green identical garb of the Dai Li. “Let us in, Your Majesty!” a man yelled. “Can I have a conversation with the whole lot of you?” I asked, trying to be diplomatic. Then I took my off-hand and pointed at someone. The screaming quieted down until one woman went, somewhat flustered to be the person picked, “yes, Your Majesty.” I learned that in dealing with opponents, it's a good idea to learn their motives and goals. “Let’s start with your demands. What are they and why are they?” and the mob chittered and chattered like hog monkeys amongst themselves before they went quiet and a tall man said “We want to see Her Imperial Majesty!” and the rest of the crowd shouted “yeah!” and “Ten Thousand Years!” while punching the air with their fists. This one tall man wearing a light brown tunic, a green waistband, olive green pants, and brown sandals. On his head, a green headband with a gold-and-green earth coin, _the usual_ , on it. His black hair was short and undone. For the sake of this following proclamation, I’m going to call him Lee. 

“We want the Ashmakers out!” Lee yelled. “Yeah!” the people agreed. “We want the Ashmakers to pay us for what they did!” Lee said while punching the air. “We do!” the people shouted. “For every last dead wife!” Lee screamed. “For our wives!” from some and “For our fallen husbands!” from others. “For our fallen brothers!” Lee yelled. “ _Our_ brothers!” the crowd chanted. ” “For our sisters!” Lee said with fervor. “Taken in their youth!” some guy, not Lee, dressed in a green tunic with green pants, added in. “Yeah!” the crowd affirmed. _This is getting quite...rowdy._

The Captain stormed out and commanded “Dai Li! Hold the line!”. The mob did not relent. “For our sons!” blared some woman dressed in a brown kimono with tattered leggings and long undone hair. “For our sons!” the crowd repeated. “For our daughters,” Lee said, wiping a tear from his face. “For our daughters!” the mob shouted. “And for our ancestors!” Lee wailed. The crowd began _hollering_ . Some cried, others had their faces reddened with rage. I tried asking the unruly force of nature “And what do you have against Zuko?” “He killed our brothers!” a man with a topknot and small bronze pin yelled. _No he didn’t_ . _He had no part in that_ . “He defiled our sisters!” a man with a pig-goatee, a brown overshirt and dark brown undershirt, shouted. _No he didn’t_ . _He may be a terrible ruler, but he’d never do that._ “His uncle killed my brother!” a woman’s voice from amidst the mass cried. “-And my father!” followed by lots of affirmatives. “And _my_ father!” another male added. “Any my brother!” another male added. “And mine!” many voices cried out at once. “We will drive those ashmakers to the sea and we’ll start with their holy Fire Lord!” someone in the crowd yelled. Lee made a _whoop_ cry and punched the air. I pleaded for Zuko’s sake. “The last Fire Lord tried to kill Her Imperial Majesty. This one isn't on bad terms with Her Imperial Majesty!” As the last word escaped my lips I instantly realized what I had done. Lee punched the air and shouted “Down with the Ashmaker Lord!” Individuals in the crowd began punching the air, too. “Down with the Ashmakers!” they yelled. More and more punched the air. “And down with the collaborators!” a gruff-voiced man yelled. Then they stomped the ground. _Stomp. Stomp_. 

I turned around and the Captain came to the same conclusion as I did. “They’re earthbenders!” his voice was still cold, but now cold and _loud_ . “Dai Li!” he announced in his deep voice. “Give them a warning volley!” he commanded, picking up his foot and planting it in the ground. _No. Not a warning volley_. I ran over to him and shouted “Hold your volley!” and grabbed his robes. “Do you dare to disobey orders?” he said, shoving me off him and sending me tumbling into a wall. “Down with the Ashmakers!” the mob boomed. Two Imperial Guards came running up to grab me. 

“Are you hurt?” asked one while the other got into stance. “You. What’s your name?” I asked the one that held my hand as I regained my footing. “I’m Lieutenant Taishi, Your Majesty” he said, giving me a thin smile. I grabbed his shoulders and commanded “Lieutenant, take the Imperial Carriage and go home.” “Down with the Ashmakers!” the Lower Ringers shouted. “Why?” Taishi asked, shocked. _Because this isn’t going to go well_ . “Just do it. That’s an order” and I grabbed him and pulled him close and whispered “Find Wuhan. Only Wuhan. Tell him what’s happening. I’m staying here.” and backed up. “But the mob-” his voice was about to shatter. “I’ll be fine.” “But the mob-” “ _Now._ ” and I shoved him away from me. “Men…” he couldn’t do it. He gathered his voice. “Men...on to the Carriage!” And the Imperial Guard looked at us with bewilderment, then noticed my intense stare and got in lacking any of the formalities. They looked at me and I saw that some were... _sad?_ I pointed at the Carriage and they wept. I pointed again. They got on and kicked it off. _Get out of here before you all get killed by these fanatics_.

“Release!” the Captain ordered. And the Dai Li released their flurry of rock gloves. The rock gloves sailed over the mob’s heads. I don’t know who hit first, but someone in the mob shouted “No! Lee!” and _then everything started shaking._ One final note, chances are someone faked that to inspire the rest of them to fight since the Imperial Guard reinforcements had left. A crossbow bolt _whizzed_ past my head, striking a pillar. A small stone, barely bigger than a pebble, struck the Captain on his conical hat. “Dai Li! Not one step back!” his cold voice was breaking, and he got into a low stance. I watched one of the Dai Li in the line get knocked down by a boulder. “Raise the wall and kill them all!” the Captain _screamed_. He screamed. The men of the Dai Li never scream. Then again, these Dai Li didn’t last long. 

The Captain pulled a wall out of the ground and closed in the area. The shouting. The yelling. It _echoed_ . I saw one man running down the tracks and get picked up by a rising wall and crushed to the ceiling. The wall extended from one side of the station to the other. Then the echoing became muffled. I looked back at the Captain and a couple of his guards. I had no idea what to do. “Captain? Now what?” I asked while the muffled cries of men and women blanketed us. “We shut the gates and hold the lines.” and he stuck his hands in his sleeves and went down the hallway. “Where are you going? A commander does _not_ abandon his men!” I shouted at the dim hall. “I’m off to write down what just happened.” and he slammed the door shut. Then the screaming...quieted down? _We had won? The unruly mob was defeated? What?_ Then the station shook. I backed up towards the sunlight, towards the edge of the station. The Dai Li fixed their stances. And waited. Then a chunk of the wall was blasted open and quickly after, the rest of the wall fell down. One agent was crushed, another punched through it. I dived for the ground just as stuff started _flying_.

I heard the bolts fly overhead. _Where did they even get the crossbow bolts from?_ I heard the shout of the man who was standing next to me and saw him clutch his chest while a small boulder hit him in the head. I heard the sounds of rocks smashing against weapons. The sounds of _blades_ being unsheathed. And the stampede of a mob. And someone, some young man, yelled “His Imperial Majesty!” and...the hands. So many hands, grabbing me from behind. _I’m dead, right? They’re about to kill me, right?_ Instead, they helped me up and I watched a Dai Li agent who was in the process of snapping a neck with a rock glove get his head blunted in with a blacksmith's hammer. I was greeted with a young man dressed in the garb of an Imperial Army soldier. “Did they hurt you, Your Majesty?” _What? No._ “I’m fine. The Dai Li weren’t-” but he shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” and the mob repeated it, bellowing and whooping all around. In a muffled voice, I finished “-your enemies.” I tried yelling “you just killed loyal sons of the Empire!” but they overshadowed me with some person, I think it was ‘Lee’s’ voice, shouting “Brothers and sisters! Onwards!” and a young woman shouting “To the Palace! For the Empress!” and lots of “Yeahs!” _You fools. You...Zuko is not the enemy. The Dai Li are not your enemies._

Someone dressed as a Sergeant in the Imperial Army walked over to the platform I arrived at, sunlight shining off his dirty conical hat. “Spread out! Spread the word! Expel the Ashmakers!” and was given lots of cheers and “Ten Thousand Years!” chants. Some of the mob built earth platforms and entire bands of ten or so got on them before they descended down to the streets. These plates kept being built and quickly populated. Someone in the mob had a horn and blew into it. Lee, let’s call him Lee, stepped up next to the Imperial Army Sergeant, took a death breath, leaned back, and let out a fierce warcry, “Kill the Ashmakers!” The streets below us echoed with his cry, and probably the cries of many others. At the same time, the peasants quickly repaired the damaged track. The Dai Li tried to blow the track before dying. As one man’s crumpled body, ten bolts protruding out of him, showed, it didn’t work.

Then the next carriage arrived from the Lower Ring. It stopped, as they usually do. Someone shouted “The Ashmakers threaten Her Imperial Majesty!” and the train roared with “Whats?” A man dressed in the garb of an Earth Sage, I know it was him because I saw him, yelled “Drive out the Ashmakers!” and I shoved him out of the way and tried yelling “no they aren’t!”. But it went to no effect. Nobody was listening to me. The mob was ignoring me. The people on the carriage slowly changed from voices of confusion to voices of _rage_. “On! On! Kill! Kill!” was the chant someone came up with and slowly encapsulated the entire station. I couldn’t find any...leader. There was nobody who I could talk sense into. Or stab and end the conflict. The entire mob was acting as both an individual unit and some two thousand people. My voice of “Don’t go!” was drowned out by “For the Empress!” courtesy a hundred unique accents.

_I have to get back there. To warn Zuko. To Toph._ Even my thoughts were invaded by their war cries of “Save the Empress!” So what did I do? I pushed forward through the crowd. A few people noticed me and parted. The shouting was just _that_ intense. Pulses of cries and wails juxtaposed with chants and howls. I pushed my way onto the carriage and got on. Even on the carriage, people barely noticed me. The carriage began grinding forward. I looked out the window, as my face was pressed against one, and _why are we on the express lane?_ All the lanes of the monorails are connected by junctions sporadically strewn between stations and suspended over the Rings. And these people...someone got on the express lane. This sounds unimportant now, but it was a few _fen_ later when I realized the disastrous consequences this would have. 

It was a few _fen_ later when we reached the Middle-Upper Ring wall, a low wall, and the carriage stopped once again. The Dai Li opened the doors as they usually do. But this time, a _mob_ poured out and...I can’t even...I was pressed against the window and forced to watch agents fall like leaves to the tempest. For as excellent earthbenders as they are, they cannot predict the future. And as great as they are, no fighter can possibly take on an entire mob at once. The first few were struck down with blades, barely enough time to be surprised. The next few had a few _miao_ to have a look of shock, only to be attacked from three sides -the north flank, the center and the south flank- and quickly overpowered. Blades into their chests and necks and heads, hammers slammed into chests, arms twisted and broken, one or two _dao_ blades hewing heads from bodies like scythes cutting wheat. And the last few? I don’t know, because mob rule dictated that the doors be slammed shut and dictated that we carry on east.

I finally had enough room to breath. It was only _now_ that others noticed who I was. “Your Majesty!” a young woman with black hair in two braids and a yellow vest was amazed by my prescense. My medal-coated chest was like a beacon to all of them. They got up and kowtowed. “Men and women of the…” my hands shook from _what I just witnessed. All those agents, just doing their job...dead_ . “Men and women of the Empire…” I struggled to breath. Not because I was hit in the chest, but because...what I just saw. _What I just saw_ . “Zuko is not your enemy! The new Fire Lord loves the Earth Empire!” I pleaded. My pleads weren’t even true, _I don’t know if Zuko likes the Empire_ , but I didn’t want bloodshed. Or…this kind. And yet, some young man’s voice chanted “Down with the Ashmakers!” and other parts of the carriage chanted that, again. “No! Do _not_ kill Zuko! Do _not_ kill the men of the Dai Li!” but a voice, somewhere, accused “any who are against us are collaborators!” and I heard lots of “Yeah!” _Wait a miao…_ It hit me. “As your Earth Emperor, I order you all to stand down!” I walked from person to person and glared at them. “Your Majesty, the Ashmakers-” I cut this one man off and bossed him around.“Stand down! You will exit these carriages and you will _go home_ ” “Why? The Ashmakers-” someone, somewhere, dared stand up to my orders. I turned around, found this person, and grabbed him. “You’re all going to die!” I yelled into his face. “We die for the Empire, Your Majesty!” _Oh my Kyoshi you’re all insane._ “I order you to stop!” I screamed, turning around and around and around, looking for _someone_ who had a position of power. A person I could stick my _jian_ through. “We take orders from Her Imperial Majesty, Your Majesty!” someone, somewhere, a woman, spoke up. The crowd chanted “Long live the Empress!” _You know, you men and women are just like the Dai Li but you don’t get it. They also serve the Empire. They also serve Her Imperial Majesty._ I could’ve tried something, _anything_ , but my attention was grabbed by _a cloud_ somewhere off in the distance. I know, it’s just a cloud, right? 

I ran to the window and looked out. That cloud was defying the winds and heading towards the glinting point of _the Imperial Palace_ . That cloud lowered itself before vanishing behind the walls. Which meant we were _there_ . _Kyoshi, save me_ . The carriage slowed down as we came alongside a massive, half-a-house wide, Imperial flag. I ran to the other side of the windows and looked down at the street. _Empty, as usual._ And that was no street, that was the Central Axis and _this is the station_ . Someone on the carriage shouted “For the Empress!” and the crowd repeated it. We came into a nearly deserted station and a small group gathered at each doorway. But they weren’t clutching weapons. The carriage doors opened. _We’re all about to die_ . _I don’t want to die like a total idiot_.

But nothing happened. A hundred artillery shells didn’t turn the carriage into dust. Dozens of rock gloves didn’t pluck people from their seats. And the mob? They didn’t start stabbing the _Imperial Guard_ . Because they’re the Imperial Guard. They’re Toph’s personal guards. _And so are the Dai Li, but look at how they fared_ . Instead, the mass descended the stairs with me clumped somewhere in the middle, out of sight of the Imperial Guard. _And this is why I wear that blue-plumed helmet_. As the mass reached the bottom, people yelled “spread the word!” and pairs or trios of individuals ran off in every direction. An Imperial Guard finally spotted me and shouted “Your Majesty!” 

“Get me an ostrich horse!” I beckoned over the mass that waxed and waned with calls of “Ten Thousand Years!” The mob progressed as a large wave down the Central Axis, leaving me alone amidst a platoon of gold. An ostrich horse was brought over - “she’s ready, Your Majesty”- and I hopped on. “Orders, Your Majesty?” one of the guards asked. “Shut the lines! Shut the lines!” and I snapped the reins. “Forward, girl!” _snap, snap_. That Imperial Guard spun around and shouted “Shut the lines!” and that command barely made itself heard over the mass’s calls.

It was only now that I noticed the _size_ of this mob. They took up the same space as a ten-by-ten with a few paces between each. Except they weren’t giving a few paces between each. It looked like a sea of heads and some of those heads were wearing the conical hats of Imperial Army earthbenders. Others had brown or green or white headbands. Others just had topknots. I snapped the reins and _maybe this side street will work_ , made a left turn. The mob may have disappeared but their loud cries of “For the Empress!” echoed across the quiet Upper Ring. I rode on. And on. As fast as this ostrich horse would go. Shutters of some Upper Ring houses were opened and heads poked out. The denizens of a teahouse saw me riding up and some shouted “Your Majesty” so I slowed down for just long enough to “get inside! Now!” But they looked at me, logically, with misunderstanding faces. “Get inside! A mob’s coming to kill you!” I repeated myself and snapped my reins to keep going. I hope they listened to me.

The thousand strong mob’s voices became more...distant as I made a right upon coming right up against the Imperial Palace’s walls. And their voices dropped in number. _They spread out..._ I found myself back on the Central Axis Road for but a few moments as I appeared just in front of the South Gate. A platoon of Imperial Guards were constantly stationed in front of the gatehouse. They saw me and kowtowed immediately. One of them opened the gate. I didn’t have time to even issue orders. _Must. Get. To. Zuko_ . I came into the Outer Courtyard and straight ahead, the ornately beautiful Imperial Palace. The pathway was, as usual, lined with two rows of Imperial Guards. They noticed me and barely had time to react to such a surprise. “Hold your lines!” was all I could shout out, my mind focused on one thing. On either side of the path, rows upon rows of Palace officials kowtowed on green cushions. They didn’t look up as the gong sounded from behind them. Possibly because they didn’t hear it over _the roar of the dragon_ and the sounding of a horn. The dragon roared at the cloud. 

Men of the Imperial Guard were running back and forth on the small wall between Outer and Inner Courtyard. One of them hit a gong and the gates between the two opened. I plowed forward and just, _just_ into the Inner Courtyard in time for... _a performance?_ Soldiers of the Imperial Army, well dressed, were forming some kind of line and facing the Thousand Steps. And they were... _singing_? They were singing. In high-pitched voices. As a mass. Singing a very touching song that could apply to me and probably did, but they weren’t singing it for me. 

_See, the conquering hero comes!/Sound the flutes! Beat the drums!_

_Festivities prepare! The Futou we bring!/Songs of triumph to him sing!_

But they couldn’t continue singing because someone hit a gong during their pause. It was then that I noticed the top of the Thousand Steps. From left to right, General How, Toph, Zuko and Mai. I had to make a left to ride around the mass of singing men and thus almost bashed myself into Druk’s neck, who had raised himself from his coil to watch the performance. Once I passed him, I almost ran over the Avatar. The Avatar and his two friends standing by their guest house, the three were _also_ watching this demonstration of the Earth Empire’s finest non-Dai Li singers. He brought up his hands to bow and commented “You’re just in time to hear Zuko’s speech on peace, Your Earthliness!” _Oh you’re a total moron. I mean, I don’t even have the time to chastise you for your ironic irony._ I stopped the ostrich horse and hopped off. The four figures at the top _really_ didn’t understand what was happening. A squad of Imperial Guard came to me but I cut them off with “I’m going up there now!” 

Zuko took his formal step forward and opened his mouth at the _worst_ possible time. “Your Majesties, Your Holiness-” and I stopped my ascent of the Thousand Steps for a moment. “Guards, can you please toss a boulder at that man?” he _also_ didn’t get it, which would explain his “What?” question. I didn’t hear the rest of Zuko’s announcement of formal titles as I ascended the Thousand Steps one step at a time, but by the time he got to “A new age of peace!” I had half a mind to _tackle_ him. Except in my panic, I tripped on one of the highest stairs and he paused -as speech givers tend to do- while I tripped and went face-first onto a stair. _Ow_ . My medallic chest jingled and jangled. Two Imperial Guard helped me up. Side note, I think I recognized them as being Wuhan’s friends, the twins. “Are you alright, Your Majesty?” the Fire Lord asked, _really_ confused about what was happening. More confused than usual. “You...get out...now!” was all I could muster before coughing out of lack of breath. _I did just sprint across half of the Inner Courtyard and up the Thousand Steps_ . He gave me this ‘excuse me, what?’ look. “There’s...a...mob…” but I realized the better thing to do was turn around. I got up and took his hands, _Zuko why are your hands almost on fire, wait I know why but why?_ , and pointed off towards the Central Axis. “Look out there!” I shouted to his still surprised face while pointing his hand at the main thoroughfare. “I don’t see anything,” he said while I _did_ . There was a very large, street-spanning, mob over there, running towards the South Gate. _Of course, you don’t look out from this view everyday_ . _Oh I have no time for formalities_ . “Toph! You sense a large group of people running towards us?” She put a hand to the ground and after a few moments, “I do, why?” “Can you make them all vanish with some earthbending?” and I don’t know if it was how I put it or...but Zuko recoiled in shock and How grinned. “I can do it, but why?” was her response. _Oh Toph, you’ve got the right idea but...it’ll take too long_.

  
  


“General How!” I shouted, then it hit me, _even better_ , “Imperial Guard!” and the stiff Imperial Guard retained their stiffness. “Yes, Your Majesty” the _it’s a pleasure to hear your voice, Captain_ , voice of Wuhan replied. “Loose about a hundred boulders into that mob coming towards us!” but again, everyone _didn’t get it_ . I only realized afterwards _of course they don’t get it they weren’t there_ . “Toph” and I grabbed her shoulders because there’s no way I’m grabbing Zuko with what I’m about to say, “there’s a couple thousand crazy mad-people who want to kill Zuko and burn half the city to the ground”. And then Zuko was _so_ shocked with a “What?!?” that he breathed fire. _And that’s why I’m not touching your shoulders._ “So? That’s like every other week” she told me and she _told_ me so hard I almost punched myself in the head. “No, no, there’s a mob of them _in_ Ba Sing Se. And they’re running towards-” _gong, gong, gong_. 

Everyone _started_ taking me seriously when a single boulder came flying over the southern wall and crashed into like five-to-ten officials. How grabbed a horn from a nearby soldier, blew into it, and the Imperial Army Choir spun around and got into stances. He shouted “Charge the rebels! To the last!” and pointed his hand _furiously_ at whatever was happening over there. Boulders were being tossed, the Avatar stood there like a moron, and Zuko asked “What… they want me dead?”, also like a moron. Toph wasn’t as stupid. “Imperial Guard! Kill them all!” she screamed, stomping on the ground and making the entire Palace quake. “ _Now_!”

The Imperial Guard slid down the stairs in a rare showcase of their might. Wuhan was at the head. He drew his _dao_ and the two lines of the Imperial Guard fell into formation after him. Toph, at the same time, said “I’ll cut off their path of escape.” and knelt on the ground. She took a few breaths, really felt the ground up for a few _miao_ , before going “Got it!” and _pulling_ the famous tiles into malleable clay in her hands. The Imperial Guards and the Imperial Army men charged the South Gate. We couldn’t see what was happening, but the rebels were losing. Lots and lots of shouts. Many more boulders flying everywhere. Wuhan jumped up and cut a boulder in two before...well I have no idea. Couldn’t see it. The Avatar was still there, dumbfounded. Zuko was still here, dumbfounded. Far past the South Gate, out on the Central Axis Road, a large rift formed. Part of that mob had taken to a retreat. The ones that did fell into that rift. The ones that didn’t...well a swarm of conical hats fell upon the South Gate. 

As the shouting subsided, the Empress asked “so, Kyoshi, you up for a mud bath?” tugging on my arm. “Sure”, I reflexively said. I felt like I was about to faint. Then I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, face the consequences! Someone's going to be punished!
> 
> -Preface: I promise I'll get through the backlog of publishing. This was written in early March.  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Rebellious Folks:  
> -In summary of the notes on Upper Ring houses: Think of Ba Sing Se as an analogue for a major metropolitan area. Most people know of Manhattan's extremely high housing prices. People paying hundreds of thousands to own tiny apartments, sometimes with nothing more than a view of a different building's wall. The closer to Manhattan, the pricier. Ba Sing Se is similar. Except government officials are granted housing near the Imperial Palace. Said 'houses' are one or two story structures and are made of simple stone. While it sounds expensive, the prevalence of earthbending means that nearly anyone who can afford to employ an earthbender can build a house similar to the ones the government give. The 'expense', ala Manhattan, is a different kind. Becoming a court official or officer is difficult, especially with millions of possible competitors. And to maintain one's status costs money. Throwing extravagant parties for one, ensuring you and your family is decked out in the latest fashions is another. So while these officials and all the basics are entirely taken care for by the government, the officials still live expensive lives.  
> -In short, 'just' owning a one story stone government house near the Central Axis Road is a sign of being 'poor' or stingy. 
> 
> -Qianshan is one of the many more expensive brands and is shared to showcase one's high status in being able to afford it. Shi Ju Zi is a neighboring commandery with cheaper wine. Think of the two as being wine country akin to the lands of France. I'm not a wine drinker, so the most I can do is a reference courtesy my more wine-experienced friends.  
> -The Imperial Carriage is a monster of a train and designed to plow right into a warzone and survive it. There's not much else to say that Mori himself didn't say in his own rambling way. Inspiration included Kuvira's train and Azula's Tank Train.  
> -Densheng-Ren Jia Pu is the name of two districts. The higher status name always comes first, because it's the Empire. Upper-Middle, Middle-Lower, Lower-Agrarian, Agrarian-outside. 
> 
> -The entire flashback is a homage to one of my favorite games of all time: Papers, Please. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBQE_TNI7zw <\- I thought of the theme while method acting the writing for the flashback. (10 minute version for those of you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbBB1j5qAFs ) . If you've played the game, this scene makes much more sense. If you haven't, then it's just another piece of bureaucracy to enjoy.  
> -This documentation scene was included in a storyboard for 'Records'. The two then-couple-not-a-couple were on the run to Ba Sing Se to make a new life for themselves. The Upper Ring was to attend the Earth King's birthday. Not the best plan, Lao Beifong's allies lurked all around, but they were two stupid teenagers who were going to try and find allies using the Beifong name, nonetheless. Fate and it's 1 ton dragon had other ideas.  
> -Why include all this bureaucracy in a chapter about rioting? It demonstrates the insanity of the wall-crossings and it's one of the few times we get to see Mori and Toph before they became the most important people in this hemisphere.
> 
> -Since Iroh could never redeem himself (to the people of Ba Sing Se) in this timeline and Zuko didn't win the war, the people of the Earth Empire are still furious at the two. ---Especially Iroh, but Zuko is a representation of all the death and destruction the Fire Nation has caused. And where there's a scapegoat, there's an unruly mob.  
> -The Dai Li don't help this matter.   
> -Historical bases include 4000 years of people's rebellions in China, the Hungarian Revolution, and a bit of the Hong Kong Protests. The West doesn't have a concept of secret police, or even of mass suppression by the police, so trying to base anything on contemporary well-known history (Avatar was a primarily Westerner program, if you're reading this chances are you live in the US or EU) would only draw terrible analogues.  
> -Objectively, the Dai Li are in the right. Their morals and ethics can be put into question (they follow Kyoshi's rules, so they're lawfully neutral at worst), but it's hard to deny that controlling Ba Sing Se is hard to do  
> -Objectively, the Home Army would've failed miserably  
> -Classic rebellion, it goes from vilification of one person to 'let's just kill everyone we don't like'.  
> -The song the Imperial Army Choir is singing is "See, the Conquering Hero Comes" by Handel. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p1BedwyFKY )  
> -The Imperial Guard + Dai Li + Toph? That's a hard team up to defeat.


	31. Blames and Bloody Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The out-of-touch Ministers are great at handling peasant rebellions. That's why they're discussing building the wrong world leader a Palace on land they don't even own.

Chapter Ninety-Seven:

“Oh Kyoshi, stop being so tense” the Empress of Ten Thousand Years ordered, an outsider may take it as a whine, from behind her privacy curtain. Which, as it turns out, is another thing she’s not told about but exists anyways. Because it’s not like she’ll see the curtain. After a year on campaign, I could take some time to enjoy the  _ greatest  _ of mud - _ note, it’s still just mud, it’s just better mud _ \- and an associated bath with it. Unlike  _ some  _ places,  _ ahem, the Fire Nation _ , the Emperor and Empress are always granted personal privacy. Without question. I don’t need to see anything I shouldn’t see, and sure, it’s not like the Empress will see anything ever, but she’s too busy reclining happily in some mud. I say ‘always granted’, traditionally the Earth Kings  _ might  _ have trampled a curtain of elaborate lotus motifs to get to their concubines or consorts or whoever was joining them for a mud bath. It should be easy to imagine where it goes from there. Thank the Spirits,  _ or maybe just thank the Empress _ , as much as she seemed to desire smashing a wall in two, she maintained her privacy while I got to keep mine. 

“So how was Morning Court?” she asked while an attendant undid my queue. Since my hair is done so ornately, I have to take longer than her to get down into the mud and embrace it.  _ Note, it's still mud _ . I could comb my own hair but the large wash basin behind me and two attendants can also take care of that. “Some ministers yelled, one person accused another of being a traitor, and then I told them both off.” I said while,  _ ow, that’s why you don’t tug on my hair, nameless attendant number three _ , an attendant tugged my hair with some kind of...I have to guess it’s silver...a silver comb. “That’s great to hear!” she said earnestly. “And how was your morning spent, Your Majesty?” I asked while an attendant gave me that  _ okay you can lie down in the mud now _ head nod paired with a somewhat creepy smile.

“I practiced metalbending with the Imperial Guards then took my favorite little badgermole-”  _ note, Lord Qiangyang is the size of a truck sitting on a truck and is as wide as a train carriage  _ “-out for a ride in the Training Grounds.” I’m sure if I could see her she’d be whacking the air with her fists and smirking. “Your Majesty, are you planning to attend Afternoon-” but she cut me off with a “Maybe”. “Your Majesty, being indecisive is not a-”  _ nope, got cut off again _ , “I was thinking of going to go listen to one of those plays. Or maybe go out and visit my friends in the Agrarian Zone. Build a few more houses. They liked the houses I built last time and that just inspires me to go build more.” I’d never accuse Her Imperial Majesty of being...distracted, let’s say...but  _ surely  _ she could see, er, sense, the matters at hand. 

At this point the attendants had pulled the last of my knots apart and my hair was freely flowing in the stone,  _ I believe imported from the Great Divide, _ basin behind me. “Your Majesty, do you know what happened earlier?” I said, as if the memory itself would rise up and strike me down with a knife. “A bunch of idiots attacked a wall and died” she said, and because she said that, that’s the Imperial-Mandated response to the situation. “Your Majesty, they weren’t ‘a bunch of-”  _ no, no, don’t say it, they were idiots and they did stupid things,  _ and thus I stopped myself short. But Toph recognized this halt and asked me, with an interested voice, “you were saying?” “May I give my thoughts?” I asked, and yes I phrased the question oddly because one, we’re surrounded by attendants not alone and two, it’s not a good idea to stand up to the Earth Empress if she’s not in the mood for discussion. She also sounded quite...relaxed. Mud baths are one of her favorites, and I would  _ not  _ want to be the one to break up the dreamy enjoyment for her. “Yes, Kyoshi. I’m not going to earthbend a hill at you.” she remarked, applauding her own joke with a single sarcastic laugh. 

“The Dai Li were right. And so were the peasants. But the peasantry conducted themselves inappropriately” was my attempt at a balanced, neutral, response that took both sides into account. “And that’s why those idiots died. Don’t charge the best defended castle across the Four Nations.”  _ Toph, you’re missing the point _ . “Your Majesty, they...the peasants claimed to be defending the Badgermole Throne against-” but thanks to how I said it, she interrupted me and countered with “they must’ve been liars because nobody attacks a Palace claiming to defend it.” At that moment, I considered a possible way to resolve this using her abilities and her trust in me. “Your Majesty, can’t you just grab my shoulder and figure out that I’m telling the truth?” After she gave a pleasurable sigh at all the cool mud, she replied “no, I believe you, I just think they were idiots.” 

“We’ve just,  _ just _ ,  _ just _ , ended the longest conflict in recent history, unless the Avatar’s hiding something, and the largest-scaled conflict in recent history. If not all time-” My attempt at being...logical or realistic was interrupted by “You know it! I’m the one who won it!” and a cheer from the other side of the curtain.  _ She’s right, but…  _ I continued my sortie. “Surely we should go to our loyal citizens and...reassure them? Try to?” “They  _ are  _ reassured” she insisted, “we won the war, the Fire Nation’s crippled.”  _ Wars don’t just end because someone signs a peace deal. Wait-  _ “Did Zuko ever sign a peace treaty?!?” I accidentally shouted because someone  _ just  _ tugged on my hair at that time. “I have no idea, I can’t see” she replied like this was a known fact.  _ It is.  _ “I…” and I pulled myself out of the mud bath. “I need to find Zuko and get him to sign one.” and I looked around frantically for my Informal Robes. Which were  _ right there _ , near the doorway, hanging on a robe-hanger. “Why?” she asked as if this wasn’t obvious. “Because otherwise we’re still at war with the Fire Nation.” but my attempt and scrambling out of my bath was stopped by her going “no, you stay here and take a break for once!” I asked “Is that an order?” with my breath stolen mid-rise by the request,  _ or the order _ . “That’s an order.” She said with her  _ I’m-ordering-you  _ voice. I broke my formal tone because…  _ all those peasants _ … “Toph, can we have a mud bath...alone?” and I looked down at the mud that I was in the process of lying in that was now in the process of lying all over the floor. “Sure” she said, her voice back-to-usual Toph. Before it could return fully, in her commanding tone, “Attendants! Out!” and the lot of them looked at me and I nodded since  _ alone means alone, random nameless nice attendants _ . Thankfully, these aren’t Fire Nation attendants. They understand that  _ sometimes _ , people want to relax in peace, quiet, and intense conversations on the state of their capital.

They filed out, now they’d wait on the other side of the three sets of hanging beads and one set of doors. “What’s the matter, Kyoshi? You’ve been tenser than Twinkletoes when he finds out Sugar Queen and Fire Lord Hotman hit it off as friends.”  _ Tense? All those citizens of the Earth Empire. Yes they were idiots in how they conducted themselves and half of what they said is traditional fanaticism, but were they wrong? Well yes they were wrong and deserved to die for killing even a single Dai Li agent, but about the other...demands.  _ I got back into my mud bath,  _ no, attendant somewhere nearby, I’m not going to drown, calm down _ , and tried to relax. “A ‘bunch of peasants’ weren’t what attacked us earlier. They were loyal citizens of the Lower Ring who were fighting for you.” She took a  _ fen  _ to think it through and concluded “They still sound like idiots to me. You fight for me and I don’t hear tales of you attacking my own Palace.”  _ Except...they thought you were being held prisoner _ .  _ They’re stupid, but that’s not the point _ . 

Maybe I was stupid to try and defend the people. But when the bodies pile up, the towns lie in ash and rubble, the farms salted, the banners burned and the campaign is over, those are still our people. Those will always be our people. I was once one of those people. “Toph, think about it. They are the same fanatical types that gladly sallied against the Fire Nation. I agree that  _ those  _ peasants, the ones that killed our loyal enforcers, deserve what was coming to them, but...they also had demands.”  _ Why am I pleading for them? They’re in the wrong.  _ She said “I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t know.” That’s what she said. It’s dismissive, which... _ we don’t have the time for this!  _ I decided  _ might as well  _ and stated one of their implied if not stated demands. “They want reparations from the Fire Nation for the millions upon millions killed.” “Reparations? We’re going to go to Fire Lord Hotman and what? Wasn’t his city rubble last time we were there?” She made a good point. A clever point, even. “What do you want to do about it, Toph?” I asked in a softer voice than normal. This wasn’t a soft matter, but there’s  _ nobody  _ that should be allowed to force me to speak formally to my Empress. “Nothing. The Dai Li will take care of the ones that even think about hurting us and the rest, well I love the rest of them.”  _ That’s exactly what I expected you to say. But you’re proving the point of not being there. _ “Your Majesty, nobody in that mob wanted to hurt you.” And  _ that _ got her to hop out of her mud bath, stomp the ground next to me, probably do some fancy earthbending tugging and shriek “What?” 

“Their demands were as follows: They wanted to kick the ‘Ashmakers’, that is the Fire Nationals out and they wanted reparations for all their dead family members.” Toph finally took notice of the privacy curtain and kicked the bottom out from under it.  _ Thank my ancestor, you’re wearing a towel. We don’t need the Avatar to randomly pop in _ .  _ Then I’d have to punish him for seeing things none of us should see.  _ She walked over and up to me. “Then why did  _ you- _ ” and now she was face-to-face with me, “-want them killed?”  _ Oh no, you’re going to completely misunderstand this aren’t you _ . “Because they killed our secret, uh, secret night assassins.” Unsurprisingly, Toph misunderstood this. She and her mud-drenched self and mud-coated hands and legs sat down on the rim -our baths are flat-brimmed for sitting purposes, not that the Earth Monarchs would often simply ‘sit’ next to their Consorts... _ thank you histories _ \- and carried on from there. “How could two groups that love me kill one another?”  _ There you go Toph. You just nailed it.  _

“That’s the thing, Toph. Both groups loved you and yet they killed one another” I explained, and I was going to use my hands to talk with my hands but one, inappropriate positioning of her towel, and two, she isn’t a fan of visual things. She asked “Who killed who first?” and sounded somewhat confused. “Nobody. Both sides just started… fighting.” Then Toph took this in a completely different direction. “So why shouldn’t I punish the Dai Li?” she asked with that voice of  _ I’m going to go punish them anyways _ . Confidence in being correct is a virtue of being a monarch, but educating oneself on matters is also a good idea. “Because the Dai Li aren’t going to kill the Fire Lord.” I replied. She put a hand on my shoulder and said “You’re lying.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you were.”  _ Maybe I need to explain this _ ... “Clarification,”  _ ow don’t squeeze the shoulder, _ “the Dai Li won’t kill the Fire Lord  _ unless  _ he threatens you.” “And the peasants?”  _ It’s...wait, it really is the same isn’t it? _ “They thought the Fire Lord threatened you so they wanted to kill him.” “So nobody’s at fault” says the person who rarely ever says ‘nobody’ and ‘at fault’ in the same sentence. And even she didn’t believe what just came out of her mouth if her tone is to be believed. Then she corrected herself to what she’d usually say. “No, that can’t be. One side is wrong.”  _ Deep breath. Don’t mess this up _ . “We know which one it is. The Dai Li were defending the Badgermole Throne, the peasants' surprise attacked them.” She had let go of me earlier, now she found my shoulder again and barked “Repeat that.” So I did. “But that’s the truth.” and she released her tight, muddy, grip from my shoulder. “Earlier you said nobody started the fight. How are you telling the truth twice?” she wondered, swinging her legs over the rim and dipping them in part of the bath that I wasn’t occupying. 

Side note, each tub is four Consort’s feet wide and seven Consort’s feet long. There’s lots of room to dip one’s toes. Extra side note, I moved over a bit to let her find a place to stick her feet in without kicking me in the chest. Or torso. “I’m telling the truth twice because at the beginning, both sides were at a standoff. Once the peasants overwhelmed the Dai Li, they went on to catching any agents they’d meet off guard.” She nodded her head. As her feet were connected to the stone at the bottom of the tub and I was resting on that stone, her seismic sense still works. 

“So the peasants  _ are  _ at fault.” she affirmed while scooping some mud out of the mud and smearing it on her arms. “Yes. But if they weren’t fanatics, they wouldn’t be. It’s not like we like the Fire Nation.” Her decision? “So let the Dai Li go and catch whoever gave them these ideas and we don’t have unrest anymore!”  _ Toph, this is Ba Sing Se. Things are never that easy _ . “Your Majesty-” “I have a name-” she sliced in, “-Toph, I don’t think you can just send the Dai Li after the entire Lower Ring” I sarcastically said. “What do you mean?” she replied, unaware of the sarcasm. “I believe this...ideology, let’s call it that, runs rampant across the Lower Ring.” She grabbed some of my hair and ran a hand through it. With a slightly softer voice, “why do you think that, Kyoshi?”  _ Side note, grabbing my hair makes you calmer? Well done, me _ . “Because these are the same peasants that love you.” And yet, she was distracted with my hair. “But these peasants were as crazy as the One-Eyed Badgermole charging a bunch of firebenders in the middle of the dark.”  _ Why thank you for the compliment...wait _ . I concluded it as such: “And ‘these’ peasants weren’t alone. The same people that rise at dawn to kowtow towards your bed are the people who will grab farm tools and charge Imperial Tundra Tanks. And they’re the same people who would give their lives in the name of the Badgermole Throne.” “And why do you think that? You don’t spend time with them” she counter stated. She doesn’t read the Imperial Archives,  _ she can’t. _ Even without the Archives, that last sentence struck something...deep...in me. “You’re completely correct, Toph. I don’t spend time with them. You do. But I  _ am  _ one of them.” I could barely muster the courage to say that, but I said it anyways. “What?” she asked, both surprised at what I said and surprised by sensing that,  _ yes, that was the truth _ . I don’t think she was surprised by me saying I’m a peasant, the Lord of Gaoling was happy to degrade my lack of status -and my only redeeming quality being my Avatar’s blood- in front of others. Of course, as he is who he is, he propped up the Avatar’s blood to make me so holy.  _ Holy enough to be told to go consummate a marriage with a fourteen year old. I’m glad we escaped when we did _ . “I don’t spend time with them and I hope to be better educated and think smarter, but that same sense of loyalty runs through my blood.” She punched the air fast enough to flick some mud about. “But they were idiots! They were going to kill Fire Lord Hotman!”  _ That’s the point, Toph.  _ “And if he ever dared raise a fist to you-” she cut me off by putting a finger on my left cheek “-you’d kill him, wouldn’t you?” and she pulled the finger back.  _ Well I might not charge a master firebender, I’m not that dumb, but in theory, sure.  _

In what felt like a repeat,  _ maybe she’s trying to fix the distracting conversation? _ , she asked “You’re taking the side of the peasants?” “No” I replied without flinching. “But you’re defending them?” her voice toned down. I said the truth. “I’m not defending those peasants.” She asked “But you’re defending their ideology?” while slowly running her hands through the lower part of my large amount of undone hair. “I’m defending the ideology, the backwards ideology that’s as old as dirt, that is perhaps the only thing keeping this continent together.” and I grabbed a washcloth to wipe my face with it. She didn’t rudely jump in with a one word solution, she took some time to think it through. “Kyoshi.” and she pulled some strands of my hair and wrapped them around her fingers. “Yes, Toph?” I asked while looking up at her and her towel-head. “I love those peasants too. Not the idiots but the rest.” and she hit me on the shoulder.  _ Ow _ . “And I hate those stupid ministers and their stupid boring stuff.” and I received another shoulder punch.  _ Ow two.  _ Then, she cleverly asked “Who was responsible for this fight? If both sides agreed then it’s  _ someone’s  _ fault.” Now  _ I  _ took some time to think. During this, she enjoyed wagging her toes and legs in the mud and  _ hey, please don’t press hard on my chest with your feet, you might break it _ . “I...guess it’s the ministers? The Grand Secretariat signed off on it but he’s busy. The Minister of the-”  _ what’s his name? What’s his job?  _ “-I think the Minister of the Guards was the one who came to the conclusion that led to violence.” So Toph released her grip on my hair and grabbed my shoulder. “You. Go find these ministers and fix this!” and she went back to playing with my hair.  _ But...things might get...slicey. I...isn’t this a bit of a drastic conclusion?  _ “Are you coming to Court later?” I asked, hoping she’d say yes. “No. Too boring for me.”  _ And what are you going to do instead?  _ “Where will you be?” I asked. “I’ll be building some houses in the Lower Ring, then I heard there was a new play about me and I thought it’d be fun to go listen to it.” and she laughed at the latter thought. “So I’m going to be running Court and...you’ll be at a play?” “Oh don’t worry Kyoshi, I’ll be back in time to have a need-” and she tried to lean in and rest her head on mine but I wasn’t predicting she’d do this so she fell face first into the mud, leaving a Toph-sized face print in said mud, I picked her up, “-an Imperial Consort pillow.”  _ You really like to carry through with your goals _ . Note,  _ I should say more jokes and stop thinking of them _ . 

“Court’s not until the sun vanishes and-” I looked up at the ceiling as if there was sunlight there. There wasn’t. “-I don’t know when that’ll be. What do you want to do instead?” and she swung back around the rim and stood up. “Attendants!” she shouted, breaking the nice quiet almost quiet -  _ it wasn’t that quiet _ \- quiet that we shared, “I’d like a mud bath!” “And what of me-” and the attendants began returning, “- _ Your Majesty _ ?” “How about we share a mud bath!” the eagerness in her voice wrote a letter to me to tell me how eager she was. And she walloped me in the shoulder.  _ Ow, not my sword arm _ .  _ I would like to use that at some point, if needed _ . “You enjoy mud baths, right?” “I do, Your Majesty” and I smiled because who doesn’t love mud baths? “Good. Because you’re getting one” and she trampled the Earth Empire’s traditions to join me in my tub, note, she had more than enough room, and put a muddy hand in my hair. I took her hand and redirected to  _ anywhere else, please _ . “Can I take a shower after?” I asked the grinning Empress. “No.” and she wiped some mud on my cheek.  _ It’s better than grease, I guess. _

We had an excellent shared mud bath. Strange creams from the farthest ends of the Empire are brought to smooth skin. Not all her skin, mine. “If any of you  _ dare  _ touch my feet-” was all that needed to be said to remind the attendants, as she always reminds them, to not touch her feet. Or her hands. These creams and lotions and the rest of them are supposed to rejuvenate and help, featuring such elaborate words as “vitality” and “endurance.” I have absolutely no idea what context  _ those  _ people think those words are for but I don’t know how a cream can make one endure a campaign more than before. I don’t feel my skin growing a layer of armor, let's say, as a result. The only product is the two of us smell like freshly cut grass and fruits. Oh, and my skin is made, to quote one of these attendants, “as smooth as silk” for “Her Imperial Majesty’s sensational pleasure”. Listen attendant, I don’t know if you’ve actually met Toph, but, as I said to her while Toph was getting some kind of cucumber-eye treatment, “please stop referring to Her Imperial Majesty as someone who craves ‘sensational pleasure’, unless you are referring to the ‘sensation’ of getting punched in the face.” “He’s right” Toph helped me out.  _ Thank you, Toph _ . Again, context is necessary. If they’re referring to Pu-On Tim, well... _ you’re all crazy _ . If they’re referring to her enjoying me as a pillow, fair. But that’s still a totally intimate matter between a woman and her tree. Not something to, as they did, talk about like school age women. 

“Have a good evening, Kyoshi!” and she punched me in the shoulder. “Have a good time at the play, Your Majesty” and I got on my hands and knees and kowtowed to her. “Oh, stop with the head bopping” she ordered. So I bopped the ground and stood. She stomped the ground and earth pillared up to Lord Qiangyang.  _ Roar _ he roared me in the face. “I think Qiang wants to give you a lick” she said while ecstatic and patting the top of the mythical animal’s head.  _ Li-i-ick _ . He slobbered my Imperial Informal Robes and she giggled. “Let’s go, Qiang” and she petted his neck. He turned around and swiped my legs out with his whip-like tail. I might’ve become one with the earth but  _ thank you Sukes _ , my cousin grabbed me. The battalion of Imperial Guard heel-turned and maintained a synchronized perimeter around the massive Lord Qiangyang and his wagging back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back-and-forth,  _ yeah I get it _ , tail. 

“How was Ty-” and I turned around to confront a handstanding Ty Lee.  _ I was going to say ‘How was Ty Lee’s training going? Did she learn to be somewhat less flirty? _ ’. “Hi Earth King! You look even prettier when upside-” I walked past her and began the Thousand Step ascent. “I’d say she gets along well with us” the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors jokingly remarked while following me up the steps. “So is she a Kyoshi Warrior now?” I asked while climbing and the referred woman front-, or maybe back-, but definitely, -flipped, over my head and landed some ten stairs above me.  _ How do you do that? You’re not an airbender, so is this just something weird flirtatious people with eyelashes get to do? If so, should I consider telling Sukes to… no. No. No.  _ “She’s yet to take the oath” Suki said while watching the acrobat cartwheel so hard she almost flew off the Thousand Steps. Certainly to a neck-snapping doom a hundred feet below us, if she was dumb enough to fly off it. “We have an oath?” I asked in my  _ wait what  _ voice. “Maybe if you attended classes, Your Majesty” Suki kept the running joke up. “Wait, the Earth King didn’t attend classes?” the airhead among us asked, finally remembering which way is up and almost smacking my face with her braid. “No, he didn’t.” Suki held back her laughter. “You mean he became the Earth King by fighting really hard?”  _ I...sure let’s go with that.  _ I didn’t want to nod, Suki took my head and nodded it for me. “That’s so cute!” the acrobat dreamily inputted. “Suki, please don’t tell me she’s maintained her...let’s call it simplicity”  _ because if she did you really lowered your standards _ . “No, she’s still a Kyoshi Warrior in training.” “What’s so bad about auras? Auras are fun!” And she stepped in front of me to flash her eyelids.  _ I strongly dislike you and I’m also terrified of you _ . “Auras can’t win wars” I tried my best to explain that in  _ simple  _ terms that a  _ simple  _ person would understand. “You’ve got such a fun aura!” I didn’t shake my head. Or anything. I just. I just watched her back up the stairs. “Aura. Right.” “Your aura is full of passion and drive! So much passion!”  _ Right.  _ “Monarchs  _ have  _ to have passion and drive, that’s part of how they act as monarchs. Unless you’re referring to…” Suki’s frantic non-verbal eyebrows told me ‘it’s the other option’ and I felt an urge to go fall off the side of this giant staircase.  _ And I thought the attendants were something else _ .

A note to the Imperial Archivists, I know why Zuko scowls all the time. It’s called Overexposure to Ty Lee. It’s a disease that only people affiliated with but not in a romantic relationship with this woman would have. I say not in a romantic relationship because at least that relationship has some...perks, if you could call chi-blocking and kicking people in the face perks. And she’s got a braid, so some people like braids. Oh, and you’d have to be crazy enough to _be_ in a romantic relationship with this woman. Expect lots of...passion and drive. _I need a whiskey in the present._

_ I don’t know what her redeeming qualities are,  _ I thought to myself _... _ then I took note of her wearing a pink gymnast’s outfit and  _ oh... _ “Suki, can’t you tell her to dress in something more...appropriate?” was the nicest way I could put it. “What’s wrong with how I’m dressing?” the acrobat asked while backflipping up some stairs. “It’s...not exactly appropriate garb in Ba Sing Se” was, again, the nicest way I could put it. “Your girlfriend and her absolutely awesome bending powers rode off dressed like a wrestler-” “Her Imperial Majesty is not  _ you _ , and Her Imperial Majesty is not-” but I didn’t even try to bother. I turned to Suki and asked “can you back me up here?” but the only backup I got was giggling. “In the Fire Nation, we dress as we feel comfortable.”  _ How do I put this nicely? _ “You’re dressed like-” She flipped forward and accidentally kicked me in the knee “-a brothel maid!”  _ Ow. Ow. Ow. My knee hurts. Ow. I’m falling _ . And two Kyoshi Warriors behind me caught me. When I rose again I was confronted by a confused Ty Lee’s ‘passionate and driven’ eyelashes blinking. And blinking. And her large eyes. “What’s so bad about one of those?” she innocently asked, tugging on her clothing.  _ Oh Kyoshi help me and I don’t just mean my knee _ .  _ I mean my head might fall off it’s shoulders and just roll away because there’s the Avatar and then there’s this _ . “Have you ever  _ heard  _ of a brothel?” I asked, groaning because  _ you kicked me nice and hard, thanks _ . Before she could answer some rock glove from somewhere grabbed her by the arm. “Dai Li agent! Let her go!” I shouted at the sky. The rock glove let go and went back towards somewhere off to the right. As we walked, I regained my head. 

“Kyoshi Warriors do not dress like brothel attendants and the Earth Emperor does  _ not  _ get kicked in the knee!” was my regained composure fueled response and definitely not a product of stubbing my toe on a stone step. “Is that an order,  _ Your Majesty _ ?” Suki jokingly asked. “I...don’t you agree?” I asked the Captain who walked to my side. “I do, but she doesn’t have official clothes right now. So we let her wear this. And she’s allowed to wear what she wishes” and Ty Lee  _ got on her hands _ and maintained my speedy pace  _ up the steps _ . She was walking up the steps. On her hands.  _ You...I think you’re even weirder than Toph. I’m sure Toph would see what I mean if I tried to explain this. Or...not _ . “The rest of you don’t have off-duty clothes” I remarked. “Yes we do” insisted one of the Kyoshi Warriors from behind me. “Then why don’t you wear them?” I asked her. “Because we don’t feel like it,” she said as if she spoke for the rest of them. Then the rest of them gave affirmative additions.  _ I guess you do...wait, I know your voice. Aoma?  _ Probably.

_Gong._ “All officials are to enter the Palace to see Her Imperial Majesty!” the far-distant courtier yelled. _Her Imperial Majesty is not here. Try again later?_ “-Court is now in session!” shouted the almost-ant-sized courtier on the other end of the hall. First came the two lines of Imperial Guards. The lead drew his dao and the entire contingent did their “Ten Thousand Years!” chant followed by a kowtow. I marched down the hall, kowtowed, offered my greetings to a chair, then went to sit down. I gripped those armrests like I _meant_ it, because I did. “Suki, the pile of scrolls?” I asked while turning towards the table that’s _just out of reach_. She waved two Imperial Guard over who then moved the table so the scrolls were now _just within reach_. I still have to tug, but now it’s successful. I took the first scroll off the pile and opened it up. 

Slowly, a column of old men and their aides filed through the many doorways -each one designed to inspire awe- before they reached the Badgermole Throne Room. Their nonsensically long procession arrived. In retrospect, thinking off each person’s name and title makes it sound like it took half a day for them to arrive. In reality it only took a tenth of that. Grand Excellency this. Excellency that. Minister. Deputy Minister. Vice-Minister. Deputy-Vice Minister. Lee, the Imperial Janitor. Lee, the Earth Sage. Lee. Lee. Another Lee. “How long do they take?” asked the quick footed acrobat.  _ Wait, you’re quick footed and you have greyish eyes. Are we sure you aren’t an airbender? Maybe you can help restart the Air Nomads and get us a trade deal _ .  _ I know I proposed it earlier, but it makes so much sense. It explains why you’re so...ahem...you. The Air Nomad nuns were, too. All those ‘Great Spring Fertility Festivals’ had a point.  _ “Forever” the bored Suki explained. “Between now and nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine” I corrected her. “Neither of those are times” Ty Lee replied.  _ And you’re not from the Earth Empire. So?  _

When the last of their entourage arrived, I produced a scroll that was already quite visible,  _ so maybe not ‘produced’  _ and opened it. “A minor rebellion occurred today! Approximately five thousand Lower Ringers and sixty two Dai Li agents died!” was my announcement.  _ Now, time to watch their reactions _ . The Minister of the Guards stood up and “Your Majesty! The blame falls on Minister Hong for not informing us of the Fire Lord’s length of stay” So the Minister Herald stood and said “I informed all the Excellencies and Ministries that His Majesty, the Fire Lord, would plan to stay for, according to Her Majesty, the Fire Lady, a full cycle of the moon.” 

The Minister Steward stood and said “That is correct. I was told as of yesterday evening that His Majesty would be staying for a month. I have set aside provisions.” then the Grand Excellency of the Masses stood and said “I, too, consulted His Majesty as to what his mount, the dragon Druk, would care to eat. Two hundred pig-sheep were put aside for the dragon’s consumption.” The Minister Herald grinned.  _ Why are we talking about food? Who cares.  _

At some point someone had caused the conversation to become “Should His Royal Majesty desire it, we could order a more elaborate guest house constructed” according to...someone. “But Grand Excellency, His Royal Majesty is not of the Empire.” remarked some Deputy Minister. The Grand Excellency countered with “A guest house for foriegn dignitaries is allowed, is that right, Minister Herald?” to which he looked at the Minister Herald. One of the Minister Herald’s aides gave him a scroll and the Minister Herald announced “here is a list of all accommodations a foriegn dignitary can be afforded with rank taken into account.” Thus began a discussion. An argument, even.

“A Fire Lord is not a member of the Empire!” the Minister of Ceremonies insisted. “Neither is the Avatar, but past Avatars have always received guest houses in Ba Sing Se” the Minister Herald  _ also  _ insisted. “Do we agree that if the Avatar receives a guest house, so too should a Fire Lord?” and the crowd went silent until the voice of the Grand Excellency of Works broke it with “I believe that...it is sufficient.” The Minister Herald was instructed to draft a letter informing Fire Lord Zuko that he would be invited to owning a personal guest house “anywhere within the region of Xiong Lin.” I, bored, went “why Xiong Lin? That’s the far northwest?” to which the Grand Excellency stood and “His Royal Majesty is forbidden from owning any land east of the Da Xijiang River.” I sipped some whiskey,  _ thank you attendants _ , and asked “Do  _ you  _ even know who rules the lands of the far northwest?” The ‘Grand’ Excellency shook his head. Someone else from somewhere else went “the Empire!” and earned cheers. I guess he didn’t read his Imperial Archives. “The Northerners lay claim to the lands of their ancestors, the lands of the ‘Barbarians’, or so that’s the name the Imperial Settlers sometimes call them.” “That is wrong. All lands from the South Sea to the North Sea belong to the Empire.” some Minister stated, bordering on shouting.  _ Oh for Toph’s sake.  _ “Really? Were you all telling yourselves that during the Hundred Year War?” These men had no proper counter for that, because why  _ would  _ they have a counter to that. That’d require that any of them ever participated in the conflict. Sure, some might, they just stayed quiet.

“The Imperial Army could be commissioned to mount an expedition to clear the Xiong Lin of filthy barbarians,” one of the Grand Excellency’s Deputies spoke up. The crowd, mostly, nodded in agreement. “Ministers” I said, tired of this. “Do any of you know what happened to the last thirty expeditions mounted?” and I took yet another sip of whiskey. “Each previous expedition lacked the blessing of the Spirits!” the Minister of Ceremonies declared.  _ Really.  _ “Minister of Ceremonies, do you know who blessed my blade?” and I put my hand on my hilt. “I did.” he said, proud. “Do you know who blessed my blade when I rode out to a fight I had no chance of winning?” and I looked around the room. Not at the stupid ministers, but the Imperial Guard. “Into a fight I was  _ going  _ to die in! A fight many Imperial Guards died in!”  _ None of you were there, were you?  _

I finally found a man. He had the hint of a quiver to him as my voice boomed in the quiet grand hall. I pointed at the nervous man and yelled “Guard! Step forward!”. He did, then he kowtowed to me. “What is your name, and do  _ you  _ know what I’m referring to?” I said, almost stumbling off my  _ dais  _ to walk towards where he was. “I am Sergeant Cao. I served alongside Your Majesty at the Second Siege of Ba Sing Se, Your Majesty!” he shouted with actual, well earned, pride. “And, do you remember what happened that day?” I took some steps forward, almost stepping on one of these Ministers and their fancy cushions. “Your Majesty was ordered to retake the Middle Ring. Your Majesty handpicked men of the Imperial Guard to join Your Majesty on a sally.” he said with that stoic formal voice. “Go back to your post, Sergeant. Your sacrifice is never forgotten” and I brought my hands up to bow to him. He looked like he was going to cry, but he held himself together. He walked back to his guard post, heel-turned, and became a stone once more.

I walked back up to my Consort’s Throne, turned, and sat down on it. “Minister of Ceremonies, do you know what I refer to?” and he got up and bowed to the Guard. “Yes, I blessed your blade on the night of that assault!” he exclaimed without shouting but still with arrogance. “Except, Minister, it was the day.” and I pointed over at that guard. “Sergeant Cao! When did we embark on our sally?” and the soldier stepped forward. “Just after daybreak, Your Majesty.” Then he kowtowed and went back to his post. “Minister…” and I found him and his babbling self and walked over, but not up to him. “Minister,  _ you  _ blessed my blade?” I asked, leaning in to his seated self. “I did, Your Majesty.” So I reached up to my eyepatch and I pulled my eyepatch off. “I guess the Spirits didn’t favor me then, ‘cause I’m missing an eye.” I never knew how  _ cold  _ the Throne Room felt until I pulled that eyepatch off. There’s no eye there, the eyelid’s closed but the reflex made me open the functionless eyelid and feel a strong chill enter in it’s place. That chill bit right into my head. The Minister of Ceremonies proved he had stones by not caring much for this. “I blessed Your Majesty’s blade. And it is by that blade and the protection of the Spirits that Your Majesty did not fall that day.”  _ Really? Really? Spirits?  _ “Minister, tell me. Where were  _ you  _ that night?” “I was within the Imperial Palace, Your Majesty” “That’s nice!” and I laughed five  _ miao  _ of buckling laughter. Uncanny for most of these people, because the formal side of me never laughed. And this wasn’t a matter that you’re supposed to laugh about. Death’s something these people find sacred.  _ It’s a good thing I’m friends with him, then _ . “Imperial Guard! Ain’t it nice! This guy sat inside some thick red walls!” and I heard two people, somewhere in the distance, laugh. I looked over at that Sergeant and he was one of them. 

I went back to my Throne and put my eyepatch back on. “Where were any of you?” I announced it to the whole crowd and their acquaintances. “Within the walls of the Imperial Palace, Your Majesty” one of the younger ones, he’s probably thirty, told me. Summoning my inner Toph voice, “that’s sweet, really, it is”, and back to my normal formal voice, “I don’t recall any of you riding ostrich horses beneath the salmon-bass scarred sky”.  _ That’s the color of the scar that crossed the sky at night. The darkness of the Agrarian Zone was the first time I really noticed it. That and the darkness of what was happening. Ten thousand stars were up there. _ I looked back at this Cao fellow. “Cao? Do you remember any of these faces with us?” and he stepped forward, kowtowed, and responded “I do not, Your Majesty!” So I turned and faced the Minister of Ceremonies. “Where were your Spirits that night?” “They protected Your Majesty and Your Majesty’s valiant companions, Your Majesty”.  _ Really?  _ “Did those Spirits intervene when one of my officers took a fire dagger to the throat?” and I grabbed the entire flask of whiskey and downed it, keeping my good eye locked on this man the whole time. The ministers had no response. Of course they didn’t. “Any man who remembers that night remembers what I said!” and I refrained from laughing, instead portraying an unhinged smile.  _ Just as unhinged as then. _

The ministers didn’t take me seriously. Maybe it was because I sounded like a rambling madman. Maybe it’s because I was one. I recall Captain Wuhan recording that I was ‘insane’ for even charging Shinji. So I guess that madness has stuck. While the ministers returned to talking about...houses and estates, my memories danced in my head.  _ Okay, you might be a bit off _ . After the performance of Ministers ended, “Ministers!” I shouted, stopping their talks of estate sizes. “Have any of you flown a biplane?” and they shook their heads. “That’s a shame!” and I refrained from laughter. Ty Lee didn’t get it. Suki did and maintained a serious face. The Minister of Works, or Excellency, who cares, was talking about proper “estate sizes for the Fire Lord.” “Ministers, where were any of you when that Comet showed up?” and I eyed the Minister of Ceremonies specifically. “We remained in Ba Sing Se.” “Oh really?” I said, breaking into a wheezy laugh. “You missed some  _ toasty  _ fun. We-”  _ inhale. Exhale _ . “-got picked off like rat-mice by the Fire Lord while we buzzed about his great machines of war!” Yet again, the Ministers looked at me. Yet again, they had no emotion or understanding to their faces. Some might’ve, but I didn’t notice those ones. 

I was as foreign to them as an Air Nomad in...an underground wrestling competition.  _ Imagine the Avatar watching Toph accidentally castrate someone. That’s brilliant.  _ Or maybe an Air Nomad in a brothel. Or Air Nomad in the  _ daofei _ . Now was the time I could appreciate my walking jewelry store clothes. “Ministers! I don’t see any medals on your chests!” I said, not that serious in tone but quite serious in intent. “That is because, Your Majesty, while Your Majesty committed yourself to the Hundred Year War, we administered Ba Sing Se” spoke the Minister of Finance. Who wasn’t even the Minister of Finance last season. I slumped back in my seat and they returned to blabberings. I mumbled “I’m quite glad I lost an eye so you can live in fancy houses” and I’m glad they didn’t hear that.

It’s rare to meet a group of people so stuck up in their own importance. It wasn’t just that they didn’t take me seriously. No. They just didn’t. Get. It. A note to the Archivists, you know who got it? Suki. She stood there, keeping a calm demeanor. But I saw beneath that layer of  _ daofei- _ born makeup, a woman who knows what it’s like to sail to the edge of reality itself  _ and come back _ . Not that the ministers cared. To them, she was “the Captain of His Majesty’s Guard.” She’s not a person. Neither is Aoma. Or Sai. Or...Toshi, was that her name? Or the half-dozen Kokos who surely populate our ranks. I’m ‘His Imperial Majesty’ and the rest? I suppose they are just people. 

You know what’s really important, though? Not government reforms. Not army reforms. Not figuring out why half the Empire is on fire and the other half submerged in ice. “According to the ruling of the Thirty Third Earth King, a firebender can only be granted a domain exactly one _li_ across, and no greater.” stated the Grand Excellency of Works. “Grand Excellency? Have you ever walked a _li_ at any time in your entire old life?” I said, sarcastically. If Toph was here, she’d laugh. Even if she doesn’t know what that’s a measurement of, she’d still laugh. The rest of us have to be _quiet_ for these morons. He ignored my remark and continued. “Up until the incursions by Fire Lord Sozin, the lands of Makapu and Taku would be offered as places for firebenders from the Fire Isles to reside in. According to the Minister Herald, it is the wishes of Her Imperial Majesty, long live, that the Fire Lord be given such an estate. This would require speaking to the official Lord, Magistrate, or possibly Daimyo, of such lands as Taku currently is part of the Colonies.” “According to Imperial Law,” the Minister of Justice began, “any lands upon the Imperial continent are subject to Imperial Law first and foremost.” “Then what do we do with a Fire Nation-born individual who owns the lands?” asked someone else. _I have no idea, Ministers. You’re asking questions. The real questions. Sarcasm. And also not._ The Grand Excellency of Works continued his nonsense. “A dignitary should be sent to the Magistrate of the lands around Taku to inquire over whether or not he will approve of donating his land to a new estate for the Fire Lord.” “Would this land fall under Colonial Military Law or Imperial Law?” asked a third voice I didn’t recognize. _Is Taku even ours? It’s part of the Colonies, but isn’t Makapu on the border with the Free City-State of New Taku? That nonsensical arraignment the Avatar’s got going that’ll explode in his face? That one?_

While the two groups squabbled, I almost ripped my armrests off. “Who! Cares!” and I stood up.  _ Great, all eyes on me _ . “It is of pivotal concern to ensure that His Royal Majesty has proper supplies-” “I don’t care!” and I made myself nice and prominent, standing off to the right of but still on the dais of the Badgermole Throne. “Why did we have a rebellion this morning?” I shouted, pulling a random scroll out of the pile. Opening it, it is the account of one Captain Ieharu,  _ huh, nice name _ , of the Dai Li from the Middle-Upper Ring Crossing of Chaoyang-He Jian. He records that a mob of angry peasants stormed into his crossing and killed two agents and wounded another fifteen before hijacking a monorail. The monorail was quickly raided and all occupants were ‘handled appropriately’. The Minister of the Guards stood strong and “we had a rebellion because we weren’t informed about the levels of unrest in the Lower Ring population.”  _ Levels of unrest? Levels of… you… you weren’t… you…  _

“Minister.”  _ Inhale. Exhale.  _ “There shouldn’t be any levels of unrest.”  _ Inhale. Exhale.  _ “This is Ba Sing Se. Not Huping Commandery in the middle of who-cares-where.” The Ministers looked to one another. Then the Minister of Justice stood up. “The Dai Li have been misinterpreting Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Laws.”  _ What does that have to do with anything? _ “Excuse me, what?” was all I wanted to ask at that time. Thankfully Suki fetched me a goblet of water. “It is the fault of His Excellency, the Grand Secretariat!” but judging by the others’ reactions, it’s not. “He’s a traitor!” they accused him.  _ I don’t have time for this _ .  _ There’s a good way to resolve these things.  _ I drew my blade. “Ministers!” and everyone stopped chattering. 

“I want to know why we lost many loyal Dai Li agents and many more citizens of the Empire!” I shouted. “Those citizens were not loyal! They were spies!” one of these old men exclaimed.  _ Spies? Spies. Of course. Spies. A bunch of illiterate backwards spiritually driven peasants are spies. How even?  _ Here’s the thing. I knew why they rebelled. They were loyal to Toph and thought Zuko was about to kill her. There’s an argument to be made for not letting a known war criminal and master firebender near the Empress. I won’t deny that. And there’s an argument to be made for having him killed for being a war criminal. But we need that man to run the Fire Nation. There’s no alternatives who are sane or not top-ranked officers in secret societies. All of this...is irrelevant to the task at hand. I needed to get to the bottom of who allowed the men of the Dai Li to get into such a precarious situation.

I sheathed my blade and went back to my seat. I cut off a conversation about spies to ask “Why were the Dai Li deployed?” and pinch the bridge of my nose because  _ if Zuko does it, why can’t I? _ . “They were deployed to counter unrest!” the Minister of the Guards explained, staying within the legal upper limit of one’s vocal capacity. I looked him dead in his right eye and “you just told me you were misinformed about the levels of unrest.” he suddenly appeared quite sweaty. “I said ‘we’ were misinformed. I ordered the Dai Li to replace the Imperial Army in the event of a mass rebellion” and he looked from side to side, “and I was right, wasn’t I?” and the other ministers gave him congratulatory remarks.  _ You were right? Interesting. Very interesting. _

“Minister, how did you possibly know we’d have a rebellion?” I asked while drinking my refreshment. “Many years of loyal service, Your Majesty” and he nodded his head. And others nodded their heads. Because everyone’s nodding. Not everyone but almost everyone. “Minister, was there any way we could’ve prevented this?” I continued pressing. “Of course not, Your Majesty. The arrival of His Royal Majesty, the Fire Lord, was bound to bring such rebellions.” and the room seemed to agree with him. “And how many more rebellions are we expecting?” I asked, since if this man can see the future I’d like to know. “That is not for Your Majesty to know.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Not to know? Not to  _ know _ ?” and I got off my Throne, walked down the stairs, and up to this man and his face. “Why. Am. I. Not. Allowed. To. Know?” I enunciated every word through gritted teeth. “The Ministry wishes to prevent Her Imperial Majesty coming down with a case of hysteria.”  _ What?  _ “Hysteria? What, you think she’s going to faint?” and this old doddering fool stood his ground. “It is not for Your Majesty to know.” he looked up at me. Before I could gut him, I was grabbed by the shoulder by the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors. Somehow, her shoulder-pat stayed my hand. That, and she physically grabbed my sword arm. I turned around and walked back to the Throne. 

_ Let’s try something else _ . “Minister of the Guards. Was there nothing you could do to prevent this traffic issue?” and the Minister tipped his head. “By ordering the Dai Li to hold the Crossings, we prevented mass panic Your Majesty. Did we not?”  _ Five thousand dead is prevention? I suppose it is. But you’re also just making up nonsense.  _ I tried something  _ else _ . “Why was the Imperial Army confined to barracks? Was this also your decision?” and this Minister pulled a scroll out of his robe. “I concluded that the Imperial Army would be incapable of handling such matters.”  _ But why?  _ “Why?” I asked, curious for an answer but also willing to accept a decent one. “Because the Imperial Army is a bunch of drunkards and bums and they’d have half a mind to join those lowly peasants.” the Minister of the Guards replied. “Lowly?” I asked him,  _ three, two, one _ , miao from breaking. The Minister replied. “They are lowly peasants. My household staff has more noble blood than all five thousand of them!” and the ministers, not all but most, found this  _ amusing _ . I waved over an Imperial Guard. He leaned in and I whispered “get me General How,” “I’ll see it done, Your Majesty” and she set off down the aisle. 

“Minister, do you regret today’s loss?” I asked, wondering what he’d say. He stuffed his hands in his sleeves. “I am glad the Dai Li held the line and prevented a mass uprising, Your Majesty” and much of the room agreed. “Minister, the Dai Li did not hold the line” I countered. They didn’t. “The Dai Li did their jobs,” he replied. “Minister…”  _ Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale _ . “The Dai Li are not some token to be placed on a war map and sent off to die!” Then the Minister Herald stood up and “I stand with Minister Bishe. The Dai Li did their jobs. Not a single member of the Imperial Court fell in today’s uprising.” and the Ministers cheered. 

“The Dai Li are people. They are men, young and old, just like you.” I said, producing a scroll I had also collected on my way over. It was a very  _ different  _ kind of scroll. The ministers laughed. I coughed to get my voice back. “Agent Liang. Thirty-four. Married to a woman named Ren, has two daughters and one son. Stationed at the Central Nan Crossing. Fell in battle defending the Central Nan Crossing on orders of one Captain Xiu, who in turn had received orders from ‘The Minister of the Guards, Bishe.’” I rolled up the scroll and placed it back on the table. The ministers and their laughing dwindled to nothing. I fetched another scroll from the pile. “Agent Fu. Twenty. His mother, An, fifty, is a widow. Her husband fell in the First Siege of Ba Sing Se. He, too, was stationed at the Central Nan Crossing. He fell in battle defending the Central Nan Crossing. He has no siblings or children of his own.” and I tossed another scroll at the Minister of the Guards. “Need I continue?” I asked, one hand on the pile of scrolls. 

“Go ahead, Your Majesty” some Deputy Minister stated not that serious and bordering on laughter. I looked up at the ceiling. “I know you all are up there!” I announced to the hundred Ceiling Dai Li who’d be patrolling the ceiling as we spoke. “Minister, do you want to tell those-” and I pointed up there, “-hundred agents that their lives are nothing to you?” But the Dai Li didn’t descend upon him to kill him. “I never said they were worthless, Your Majesty.” and he flapped his arms about in his sleeves. “I said that those who fell fell and I am glad we did not suffer greater loss today.” and the other ministers chanted in agreements of “Yeah!” and “I agree” and other such words.

“Minister, what about the peasants?” I asked, downing the last of the ale or whiskey or whatever this delicious substance was. The whiskey kicked in and my mind...became mine. “The peasants...it's unfortunate that so many workers died, but it is good that the Dai Li contained the rebellion as they did, Your Majesty” the Minister of the Guard countered. “And what of their ideals? Of reparations against the Fire Nation? Of loyalty to the Badgermole Throne?” but I was  _ cut off _ by one of the ministers finding some humor in all this. “Peasants have no voice! They are born to serve!” this deputy stated earnestly. “Is this true?” I asked, looking across the room for the source of the voice.  _ Five. _

“This is true! If the Spirits wanted a man to be a noble, he would be born a noble!” the Minister of Ceremonies stated. “And do all of you know where I’m from?” I said, first pointing at Suki then myself, twisting around to let everyone see me and my spinning auburn queue. “Your Majesty was born on Kyoshi Island! You were predestined to be the Emperor” the Minister of Ceremonies explained. “And do you all think Azula thought that?” I asked a question I knew nobody knew. Because nobody knew to whom that name belonged. “The Spirits have defended Your Majesty your whole life” the Minister coddled me. “They didn’t defend me when my feet were blasted with lightning for nothing more than affiliating with the wrong person. They didn’t defend me when I was told to go commit unspeakable deeds to an underage noble’s girl, then continue those deeds regardless of whether she approved, until those deeds bore fruit.” “Yes they did, Your Majesty! Both Your Majesty’s claims prove that the Spirits defended you from birth until now!”  _ Four. _

“So to all of you, the peasants are nothing?” I said, getting off my Throne and taking steps towards the main aisle. “The peasants are but servants of the Badgermole Throne,” the Minister of the Guards told me.  _ Enough of this _ . I turned towards the Minister of the Guards. “Minister, I take it you care not for peasants.” I joked, not sounding serious at all, while walking towards him. “I do not care for them, Your Majesty”.  _ Three.  _

“Minister, what is a ' peasant's place’?” I asked, picking up my pace and walking up to look at the Minister of the Guards. He smiled as he said his response of“The peasants toil. They will live and they will die. Why do I care?”  _ Two _ .

“And the Dai Li are just your servants?” I asked, glancing up towards the ceiling. “The Dai Li serve the Badgermole Throne” the Minister of the Guard said while standing up. “And they are just a tool to you?” The Minister replied “They are a tool if necessary, Your Majesty. What more should I expect from illegitimate sons with no other path in life, or peasants whose highest achievement will be to join such an order? What more do I expect. The Spirits have predestined them for these  _ useful  _ lives of service. The Spirits predestined mine, Your Majesty.” I backed up and my voice got  _ slightly  _ louder. Slightly more unhinged. “I order you to get on your knees and apologize to them! And to their families and fallen brothers!” and I backed up. “Ha! You are just the Consort. You cannot tell me what to do!” and the Minister laughed.  _ One.  _

“I’ll give you one chance. Kowtow.” and I put my hand on my waist, just next to my  _ jian _ ’s hilt. Nobody saw this. “Why do I care? Their only purpose is to serve the Badgermole Throne. Death is what ends their service.” “The Dai Li  _ are  _ people. The peasants  _ are  _ people.” “They are not. They work for us. They live for us. If I asked, they’d die for us!” He was nice and  _ proud  _ when he said that. “You said the Spirits predestined your life?” “I did, Your Majesty.”

The blade felt natural as it drew out of its sheath. “Then the Spirits will have predestined this.” I grabbed his head and shoved my blade through his chest. “You...traitorous… bastard” he gulped his last and crumbled. “No. I serve the Empress. And I found a traitor.” 

“Who’s next?!?” my voice boomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Commander of the Dai Li's tolerance level for nonsense reaches zero and the Fire Lord shows up for tea. 
> 
> Slice Chop Thrust Notes for Aspiring Slicey Folks:  
> -The two Imperials love their mud baths. The reason they don't share said mud bath is because they have slightly difference preferences. Mori prefers a higher mixture of peat and doesn't get himself wrapped in it, Toph lets herself get wrapped in it. One can't bend it off, one can.  
> -The Fire Nation and their intrusive attendants is a callback to the beginning of this story. Mori hasn't forgotten that.  
> -The peasants love Toph, the Dai Li love Toph, and everyone hates the Fire Nation even if they don't admit that. The Dai Li are technically in the right, Mori's just feeling invested in this matter because he was once a peasant (unlike Toph who was a detached noblewoman who could only aspire to befriend peasants) and he's a dumb teenager. If he was wise, he would distance himself from most political matters and focus on the Empire as a whole. This kind of particular-interest-fueled-fanaticism is based on...well, teenagers in general. In this case, he happens to be Consort/almost ruler/joint ruler/second in command of a massive Empire. Being politically invested in the real world can lead to unnecessary distractions from education (and rifts in one's social circle), being invested in a populistic cause here will quite literally backfire in his face.  
> -Such a pro-monarchist movement is not that common in contemporary history, as generally speaking the populists were anti-authoritarian 'at the start', ergo anti-monarchist. Those movements are always going to end up authoritarian on their own since if there's more than two people together, there's always going to be the group 'leader'. Even worse, populist movements calling for mass reformation (1790s France, 1900s China, 1910s Russia) lead to mass bloodshed for a multitude of reasons. Let's just refer to it as 'the ideology' since I'd rather not spoil where this storyline goes. The following is a basic guideline for the danger of this movement and why Mori is concerned about it (note: some parts are meta analogies and he has no knowledge of them):  
> -1: The ideology is mass-appealing (it's kind of in the name). This pro-monarchism may be rare in our world because there's no difference between a royal and a non-royal, but in a universe where some people are born objectively superior to others (benders, the Avatar) and some of those people prove how powerful they are (think Fire Lord Sozin), they'll attract a large following.  
> -2: The ideology kills it's opponents. If you're against the monarchy, e.x. pro-equality (or the converse, you're pro-'equality' and anti-authority), you'll get purged for not believing in the dogma. Because group think always rules out. See: Orwell, the three aforementioned countries.  
> -3: The ideology does not aim to be intellectual, it aims to be as widely attractive as possible (why are people's movements always lower class? There's more of them than the middle or upper class. Why are modern populist movements in the West secular? More of them than Christians, let's say). As such, the intellectuals are purged for being wise enough to stay out of the fanaticism.  
> -4: The ideology starts killing the less fanatical of it's own, since the only way 'change' will come is violence. Even in democracies, humanity prefers finding conflict than admitting there is none or resolving it peacefully.  
> -5: The ideology is run by charismatic leaders who are in turn run by people who know what they are doing. The masses may claim to be moderates, but if anyone wants any prestige and if anyone wants to maintain their head, they'll have to accept the slowly warping dogma that goes from peaceful to raising chaos. 
> 
> -Mori demonstrates his affinity in being just as loyal as they are. Not a good idea to affiliate with them, but he doesn't really realize what he's saying. Toph appreciates it because he would genuinely do it if he had to.
> 
> -Ty Lee may have a character somewhere, and in her own way she means well, she's just ill-prepared for the challenges of reality. As for being an airbender's descendant, who knows.  
> -The Great Spring Fertility Festival is a callback to Records when Lao Ge mentioned that the Air Nomads used to gather to do this. It's based on cults in the mountains doing that + a chaste group being not chaste
> 
> -The Ministers demonstrate their out-of-touchness. Mori being 'friends with Death' is a reference to Lao Ge being akin to the Spirit of Death.  
> -A li is a half-kilometer. Mori doesn't use it because he's not that educated on distance (see: one eye).  
> -The Toph mud bath at the start contrasts between her and them. She's practical, she's not as out of touch, but she's emotionally charged. They're impractical, they're out of touch (not all, as you'll see in future), and they're kind of passive.


	32. Fools All A-Round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murder is sometimes punishable. Invading and colonizing land while reeducating the natives is always allowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xuan gives his thoughts on Mori's actions, Mori and Zuko discuss worldly affairs and something *new* is *discovered*

Chapter Ninety-Eight:

Normally, when I hear ‘grab him!’ it's a product of a command of mine or the Empress’s or someone of high enough standing to issue such orders. Or, it's a result of an action. For example, if I drew my blade and pointed it at some  _ daofei,  _ there’s a good chance the Dai Li that were milling about in the ceiling at the same time understood that signal to mean ‘grab him’. Credit where it's due, the Dai Li  _ did  _ yell ‘grab him’ as a result of an action. Except this time, I was both the cause and consequence of the action. 

A rock glove came for my sword-arm but I had sidestepped it involuntarily as part of my sidestepping of the falling corpse of Minister Bishe of the Ministry of the Guards. Instead, the rock glove hit the top of the old man’s back, just below where a necklace of fine pearls hung. That only bashed more of his blood out, just so he could stain our nice green floors red. Another rock glove came and grabbed my offhand and sent it and I into the paved floor. Suki, being Suki, ran out to stand over me and drew her katana by reflex alone. The new Kyoshi Warrior in training, having no idea whose side is whose and where her loyalties belong, cartwheeled over to me. A team of Dai Li fell to the ground and herded us into a three person, two people standing and one lying on the ground like an idiot, circle. “For assassinating a Minister in...public…!” the Dai Li agent said while... _ shaking _ ? His voice cracked once during his proclamation. His fellow agents got into stance.  _ Let’s do something with this. _ I said “I have to wonder,” locking my good eye onto his nose, “are you new here?” He gave off the faintest hint of a shake and from his young voice “recently promoted to Sergeant, Your Majesty!”  _ You’re not the smartest lad are you? You shouldn’t answer that, you’re supposed to be arresting me.  _ Then again, it’s rare to arrest a completely reasonable -I promise, I’m not even inebriated!- man who is also your superior and is polite enough to start a conversation with you. In reality I only asked him what I asked him to try and distract him. To buy myself some time. What I didn’t see coming was Ty Lee, being inversely intelligent as she is wearing a circus outfit, chose to frontflip over to this ‘Sergeant’ and poke him in both shoulders and both knees. 

The Sergeant fell flat on his face with a thud. The other Dai Li took notice that  _ maybe  _ the man lying on the floor in the pool of someone else’s insides was  _ not  _ the threat,  _ I’m not,  _ and took to trying to apprehend her. Everybody both ignored and maintained a safe distance from the katana-plunking Water Tribe-dating, whiskey-drinker who probably could and certainly would go up against four, eight, maybe even twenty of these conical hats and might even win. As such, they assailed the nimble Ty Lee with rock gloves. And she  _ jumped  _ over them. Normally, people don’t jump over fist-sized projectiles. I can’t jump over an artillery shell and I’ve got long legs. 

She’s such a fancy flier she heel-stomped one agent in the hat before flipping over another and poke-punch-assailing a third. Needless to say, their companion agents broke their cold voices to shout in terror as their master earthbending friends were given a good old poking or two. I cried out. “Ty Lee! Stop hurting my friends!” As much as I don’t like being arrested by the secret police, they deserve better than getting kicked  _ in the face _ . The rest of the Court was also busy crying out. And by crying out I mean they maintained an unhealthy kind of silence. First their fellow Court Minister person was killed and now there’s a crazy... _ fourteen year old? Fifteen? Seventeen, yeah? She definitely looks like she’s twenty _ ...whatever aged girl or maybe woman knocking our glorious agents down.

Ty Lee didn’t listen to me. Instead she proceeded in an orderly fashion to finger-jab one agent on the shoulder, another twice in the chest, another in the head, kneed one in the head and even grabbed a man’s hat and ripped it off him with her toes. There’s a reason, despite having known Azula and having seen Ozai, I think I see this woman as being the most terrifying of them all. Even Azula took time to appreciate “the amount of prodigies I had to set fire to today”. Ty Lee just...reflexively… punches all these people. Master earthbenders with ten years or more of training. She can finger tap someone’s shoulders and turn all that training into arms with the consistency of melted snow.

Ty Lee’s rampage was stopped when the far-away doors were forced open and a single man casually strolled in. A single conical hat. “What’s going on here?” the silhouette asked with a bored tone. “There’s this crazy attractive girl punching all our men!” someone somewhere filled him in. He cupped his mouth with his hand and yawned. “Court, please count down from one  _ fen _ ” he said while he got into stance.  _ I’ll do it. Ready, Sukes? Let’s watch this.  _

  
  


_ Fifty nine, fifty eight, fifty seven, fifty six, fifty five _ . He skated forward towards Ty Lee’s newest set of targets, six agents. She poked one twice in the shoulders, then flew over a volley of four rock gloves.  _ Fifty four, fifty three.  _ She hopped  _ on  _ a rock glove before knee-ing one agent in the face and sweeping another out from under him. Then poked him five times in two  _ miao _ .  _ Fifty two, fifty one.  _ An agent who tried to grab her was kicked, hopped over, poked four times, then collapsed.  _ Fifty, forty nine, forty eight _ . She noticed the man skating, slowly, he didn’t want to destroy the tile work, towards her from the doorway.  _ Forty seven, forty six, forty five _ . The last two agents backed up, they weren’t going to charge her with ranged capabilities like in all the folktales, that’d be dumb, and they punched a pair of rock gloves at her. She ducked beneath one and jumped over another, her braid spinning around like a windmill.  _ Forty four, forty three, forty two _ . She poked the second to last one twice in the shoulders, then kick-jumped off him,  _ make sure to thank the conical hat you just stepped on first _ and over to the last one. He punched another two rock gloves at her, she ducked and weaved and  _ kneed him right in the chin _ .  _ Forty one, forty, thirty nine.  _ She took notice of the single hat charging her and opted to charge back. He came to a complete halt and stood there.  _ Thirty eight, thirty seven, thirty six.  _ We all watched her descend from the skies, only now did he pull his hands out of his sleeves.  _ Thirty five.  _ She cartwheeled towards him.  _ Thirty four _ . He punched either rock glove forward.  _ Thirty three _ . One caught her in the braid and the other her right arm. Together, they sent her flying backwards to the body pile.  _ Thirty two _ . Then he bowed to the Badgermole Throne and offered his fealty to it. 

He paused to marvel at her handiwork. His face showed the faintest hint of respect for her. Not that she saw it, facing the wrong direction. “For a woman wearing a brothel-dress with the correct requirements to attend such a brothel, you happened to make a good opponent. I expected as such from the Royal Fire Academy.” Then he strolled up to me.“Anyone else, Your Majesty?” and he looked-without-looking at me, my bodyguard and the four Dai Li who fell from -probably dinner- to surround me. “Nobody else, Commander Xuan.” 

He stayed still while asking, loudly, “Who’s in charge here?” “You are, Commander” spoke one of the many writhing Dai Li agents. “No you... _ you _ …” the faintest hint of a groan emerged from him, “I mean who  _ was  _ in charge here?” and he climbed over his fellowman’s body. “Sergeant...Yin? Yan? Yiu? Ye?” someone else contributed.  _ Come on men, you’re embarrassing all of us in front of the Fire Nation girl or woman _ .  _ She’s too young to be married but she looks like...well she looks like she looks. I imagine the men of the Lower Ring who spot her and have the wrong conclusions will face a large amount of ‘Dai Li, open up!’ polite knocking followed by polite head snapping. _ “Sergeant!” he said, not shouting but I added in the exclamation because I figure if his voice is loud enough to be heard by the entire room it’s his way of exclaiming. “Yes, Commander?” the young man from earlier replied, his voice cracking from the pressure. At the same time, Ty Lee was struggling against her restraints. To note, “we don’t have these in the Fire Nation!” and that  _ was  _ an exclamation. “Because we aren’t in the Fire Nation Lady Brothel-Dress,-” the Commander said while clenching his fist and turning my restraints to dust, -we’re in the Earth Empire” and he offered a rock gloved hand to help me up. 

“Why were you arrested?” he asked while I almost stepped on the man who was making a red mess of this otherwise beautiful green paving stone. “Ask him” and I kicked the dead man’s arm. The Commander feigned a sad voice. “Poor guy.” Then he slapped my arm and asked “Got what was coming to him?” I nodded. “He did.” “Good. We like justice-” and he spun around to face the squirming Fire Nation woman “-and there is no better place for justice to be served than beneath the steps of the Badgermole Throne!” and  _ that  _ was an exclamation. Because his voice boomed. He also pointed at the holy object and offered it the second bow of the day. 

I almost forgot about the thousand pairs of eyes watching me while Suki sheathed her katana and a pile of conical hat wearers rolled around on the ground, slowly regaining their feeling. “He’s a traitor!” someone in the audience broke Court rules to shout. The Commander sounded quite bored as he said “I don’t care.” Then he was less bored and more serious when he said “Take it up with the Jade Palace” and the Commander continued looking around at the squirming agents and where they fell. “Your Majesty, this is three for three.” and as if by pure conjuring he pulled a scroll out of his robes. I countered.“Three for three?” He explained it for the less-intelligent me. “Three Fire Nation women from the Royal Fire Academy in the Imperial Palace. Three masters of their arts.” and he walked over to the table, produced a writing utensil and began writing  _ amidst  _ all the ‘oh my legs’ and ‘oh my arms’ and ‘where’s my hat?’s from his men.

The Commander asked, loudly, “What’s with Lady Brothel-Dress? I thought the Captain took her to go get training. What’s she doing in here…” and he paused “...making a fool of all my men?” and he went back to writing. I gave Suki an eye-gesture, almost a beg, she got it. Suki helped me out with “I think she’d make a great member of the Kyoshi Warriors, Your…” she turned to me and whispered, quietly, “what’s his title again?” “Commander” the Commander spoke up from fifty feet over there. “Right…” then she realized who said it. “Wait…” I waved her conclusions away,  _ yes, he’s got good ears,  _ and she coughed to catch herself. Then she continued. “I thought she’d make a great member of the Kyoshi Warriors.” and Suki bowed to the Commander. “You mean...she’d be on  _ our  _ side?” and I could almost sense some happiness for a moment. “That’s right.” “By Kyoshi…” and he pulled  _ another  _ piece of parchment out and wrote something new down on it. 

After some time writing, he pressed himself back in his seat and glanced over at me and my cleaning of my blade. The dead minister was still here. “What’s the name of the man who had you arrested for serving the Empress’s Justice?” I pointed at the young man with the squealing voice. “I’m going with him. I don’t know his name, but that’s him.” So the Commander got out of his seat, walked up to the man who was just regaining his ability to stand and casually stated “Sergeant, you’re demoted.” The Sergeant broke the standard Dai Li cold-voiced character and shouted “Why?!?” back at his superior. In a neutral voice, “You just shouted at me, Agent” and the Commander turned around and walked back to his table. “And you arrested His Imperial Majesty without cause.” 

The Imperial Court, which had begun rising, kowtowing, and filing out, collectively replied with “His Majesty has no power here!” To which Commander Xuan  _ laughed _ . He actually  _ laughed _ .  _ Note. Make a record of every time Commander Xuan laughs _ . To retort, one of the Ministers went “His Imperial Majesty abuses his power!” to which  _ I  _ laughed and asked “How can I have no power and also all the power?” which caused Suki to laugh and Ty Lee to go “Hey! That’s a good one cutie!”  _ Of course it is, well-timed quips are the best. Wait a miao… Did…  _ I went on a side-tangent of asking Suki “Are you sure you want  _ her  _ on my bodyguard?” The bodyguard shrugged. “If nothing else, you know she’ll kill for you.”  _ I suppose that’s true but I don’t need two people invading my privacy, I already have the Empress punching through walls to strike up conversations with me _ . Meanwhile, someone in the Court broke Court rule to yell “Because Your Majesty shares a bed with Her Imperial Majesty!” I could’ve laughed but instead I replied “That’s a terrible argument.” The ministers retained their tactical retreat out of the room while one rejected the previous statement of my tyranny to tell me “Your Majesty has no power over the Imperial Court. You can’t just assassinate someone!” and whoever that wise guy was earned applause from the other ministers. They were so heroic and steadfast... they cowered and backed themselves out of the room. Then the doors clanged shut, leaving just myself, Suki, Ty Lee and the men of the Dai Li.

I politely asked “Commander, can you release my cousin’s trainee?” He was writing. Not a good idea to interrupt the Commander while he’s writing. He didn’t visibly respond but he pointed a fist at the squirming woman and the restraints became dust. “Why thank you Commander! Might I say, a very pretty queue of-” “I’m married, Lady Brothel-Dress” and like that she stopped her frantic pace. Then he yawned because everyone knows if he really wanted to he could toss her into the Lower Ring from here with a single throw. Because of his yawning, I had to ask “Where’d you learn to yawn? Since when has the Commander, the Head of the Dai Li, gotten tired?” Others may view that as sarcasm, he didn’t. “Her Highness, the Fire Lady, taught me how. Also, I just spent the day talking to the closest thing I’ve ever seen to the Spirit of Death. Death tends to make one tired. Forgive me for my exhaustion, Your Majesty.” and he stood up and offered a formal Dai Li style bow as if he needed to  _ apologize _ . No matter what his voice was suggesting, his tone remained the same deathly cold. I shall presume his metaphor applies to the brooding yet competent Fire Lady Mai because… well it  _ could  _ apply to someone else. But that man was long forbidden from entering this Palace since he killed an Earth King of long ago. 

“Did you learn anything, Commander?” I asked while stepping over to my Consort’s Throne to take my waiting dinner. “The Fire Nation’s a mess. His Royal Majesty has no idea what he’s doing, but he’s trying. In all reality, the entire power and potential of the Dragon Throne rests in this one moody ever-depressed woman. That’s just not a wrestler I’d bet my gold on, Your Majesty.”  _ You bet on wrestlers? _ The attendants brought out a plate of... _ did you cook an entire turtle duck? What? _ ...with a small note attached. ‘Dear Your Majesty, this is an entire turtle duck.’  _ Why that’s helpful _ . “Suki, come, sit. Food.” and yes I know that sounds strange but she seemed to comprehend it. “If you want. I’d like to go train with my fans but-” I cut her off. “Food. Enjoy dinner before we get into another fight” and I took a piece of this turtle duck, lathered in some kind of oil. Good for me, I’ve got some fine bronze utensils to slice and dice with. “How’s the political situation out west? They resolved their officials’ crisis?” I asked while chomping down on,  _ hey, this stuff’s pretty good. Note, thank you Cook Juyuan-Lee. You always make excellent food,  _ this meat. 

“With all due respect, Your Majesty, I believe ‘resolved’ is an understatement. I taught Her Highness how we handle things, correctly, over here in the Empire-” and the Dai Li all shouted “Ten Thousand Years” in some kind of creepy sync, ''and she took notes.”  _ Chomp _ . I swallowed and asked “And is the Fire Lady planning to incorporate a secret police -a Dai Li- of her own?” “In the simplest term, yes.” and he produced  _ another  _ scroll from his Commander’s Robes. And by ‘produced’ I refer to him reaching into his sleeves and pulling one out. He grabbed the scroll with a rock glove and carried it over to me. He released the rock glove’s grip when Suki got a hold of it and the rock glove returned to him.  _ You need excellent, excellent, skill over your hands to carry paper and not tear it _ . The scroll, as expected from a master earthbender, barely showed signs of being grabbed. 

“On the Spiritual Heritage of the Glorious Fire Islands” Suki read out loud. “Glorious? Spiritual Heritage?” and I almost choked on my sliced meat. I waved to her to hand it to me, I do use utensils unlike some people and as such my hands are always clean and ready for killing. Or holding things. I took a glance at the scroll. It was Zuko’s handwriting style, the kind of perfectionism you’d expect from a royal with a few bad habits,  _ that character’s drawn a bit incorrectly _ , that you’d expect from Zuko. It unfurled to be as long as a table. “What is this? His entire personal record?” “No, this is everything His Royal Majesty wishes to save, maintain and preserve. He’s concerned that with the end of the Hundred Year War, some of Sozin’s more egalitarian practices will be abandoned in a mass purge of old beliefs. Personally, I think he should focus on preventing his Royal Court from factionalizing further than it already has first, but-” he eyed me and I spotted his jaded jade eyes squinting at something  _ near  _ me, “-my service is first to the Badgermole Throne.” I looked to my right and spotted Ty Lee and it clicked.  _ He doesn’t want to say ‘I will never serve the Fire Lord or the Fire Nation’ because Ty Lee’s standing right there.  _ The cold man continued. “He also wants to reintroduce something called ‘the Eternal Flame’ into the mainstream Fire Nation.” I rolled the scroll back up and rolled the scroll back down the stairs. “What is ‘the Eternal Flame’?” I asked. Ty Lee blurted in, innocently, “that’s this secret group of Fire Nation people living on an island out west by the edge of the world.” The Commander lifted his head from his writings and I from my dinner. “Who?” we both said with varying shades of surprise. 

“He told me there’s these people living on an island somewhere out west and they have two dragons and one of those dragons gave his Uncle a dragon egg which hatched into Druk and also these people are the original firebenders and they used to have a big nation of peaceful firebenders but then evil firebenders kicked them out and drove them into hiding so now they hide in a island or they did until Uncle Iroh found them and learned to be a awesome firebender and also got a dragon egg from-” The Commander interrupted her and saved us all from losing our hearing. “Are you a walking run-on sentence?” “What do you know about them?” Suki asked. I leaned in to whisper to her “Suki, if you ask her, we’ll never hear the end of it” Suki looked dismayed but must’ve come to the realization that I was right. “Can we summon the Fire Lady? Or maybe the Fire Lord?” I asked while putting my hands together and almost dipping one of my elbows in a thick pool of greasy oil spice-laden...substances. “That would be a good idea,” the Commander added in. “Agents, retrieve His Royal Majesty. Politely” he requested. While one pair set off down the halls another almost grabbed me with rock gloves. The Commander grew semi-furious and said “Not his  _ Imperial  _ Majesty. The one with the scar, angst problems, firebending mastery, and the star of half of Pu-On Tim’s plays.” 

“Announcing the arrival of His Royal Majesty, Fire Lord Zuko!” a courtier somewhere in the distance shouted. Xuan put his writing utensil down, stood up and  _ shouted  _ “Men! At attention!” I heard the raspiness in his voice, he’s quite tired. But I also am not going to dismiss him. If things get...toasty...because  _ somebody  _ has anger problems...he’s a walking Imperial Siege Cannon. A half dozen pairs of feet came walking at high speed. The Dai Li skated up to the ceiling while a line of them marched over to stand in front of the Badgermole Throne. Xuan himself took his position just beneath the Badgermole Throne itself. Two rows of Imperial Guard formed up on either side of the green paving stones. During all this, someone, an Imperial Janitor, cleaned up the bloody mess. Aside from the scuffs in the tile and a few holes, it would be impossible to tell a fight broke out. Oh, and also the blood on my hands. But that’s not justification for assumptions, I’m the Emperor. You’d have  _ no  _ idea whose blood this is. Could be mine from a stupid accident. Could be from some  _ daofei.  _ Could be an assassin. I leaned over to Suki to ask “Whose blood do I say this is?” but she stayed all stiff-backed because we were being joined by guests. An attendant silently handed me a cloth to wipe my hands free with. Just as those doors opened, I heard the familiar voice of Mai. “Remember, Zuko, no running.”

The doors opened and the iconic hairpiece of the Fire Lord crowned,  _ ha _ , the Fire Lord. He was dressed as a monarch ought to be, elaborate clothing with a perfect topknot. A black top section with gold trimming and a golden version of the Fire Nation’s emblem in the middle, the whole top chest-piece resting on dark shades of red -if I had to guess its the same style as the Imperial Firebenders- which is further supported in lavishness by pants of black, gold trim, and dark red outsides. The spiked attire helps with giving an imposing effect. Even in my -correction, Toph’s- own halls, I still get a small shiver in my nape when I see that figure, that armor, approaching. The Avatar has always been a...acquaintance?...tool?...of the Badgermole Throne and it tends to be that the best Avatars - _ ahem, Kyoshi _ \- were the ones who made the lives of the Earth Kingdom’s plentiful peoples better. The reds and blacks in halls of green and gold is a mighty contrast. Once before I saw such elaborate attire as it came through that door. Similar attire. That was the day Ba Sing Se  _ burned _ . It's hard not to shake when the mental comparison is made. 

Accompanied by his Fire Lady, the two brought their hands up to bow royalty-to-royalty to the Fire Nation’s greatest opponent, its greatest rival, a golden chair. A hundred years of attrition and offensives and the Fire Lord can now stroll into the heart of the Earth Kingdom, now Empire, and address the beating heart of millions. Or, because the beating heart is currently out building a monorail extension on her own, he has to address me instead.

“I’m honored to be invited into such splendorous halls, Your Majesty” and he bowed again. The two lines of the Imperial Guard formed a golden wall on either side of his bow. I say this because I descended from the dais and came to the same height as him. The Dai Li didn’t even have to turn to sense my desire to pass. One agent took a single step left, the other a single step to the right, and a path was made for me to go through. To play up  _ our  _ side’s pompousness, something I’m sure Toph would hate and love at the same time, I turned and kowtowed to the Throne, shouting “Ten Thousand Years!”. She’d hate it because it’s a formality, she’d love it because the only thing more Toph than high confidence is toe-cleaning. The Imperial Guard wall repeated the chant with deafening intensity. But they didn’t break their formation due to security reasons. I rose and walked up to the Fire Lord. I offered him a royalty-to-royalty bow in response to his. His face contorted to one of confusion. “The Earth Emperor knows how to bow in Fire Nation style?” I laughed, not the most common thing for non-Toph non-Suki people to hear, at his statement. “I’ve been to many places, Your Majesty”. “But that bow...that bow is even better than mine.” and it's almost like he was embarrassed at being beaten at his own pomp game. Credit where it’s due, he’s an honestly awkward man.  _ Not a good trait for a world monarch _ . I opted to tell him the truth...in different words. “Let’s just say I was taught by someone who  _ aimed  _ for perfection and leave it at that, alright?” and I backed up one pace. “Master Piandao?” he bumblingly asked.  _ If Master Piandao can shoot lightning and execute people for bowing incorrectly, then yes.  _ Mai must’ve understood my squint, my harsh breath, and told him “he said leave it” followed by her putting a hand on his shoulder.

I called out “Attendants, some tea for the Fire Lord! And a fine drink for me!” to the rows of attendants hiding in the many shadows of this Throne Room. A table of fine reddish-brown wood with gold inlays was quickly carried out and placed in the middle of this multi-story marvel of Earth Kingdom engineering. We sat opposite one another. He sat with his back to the entrance, I with my back to the Badgermole Throne. Teacups came next and were placed down on white gold platters. Then the pitcher. A bottle of rice wine was also put on the table for my use. I got the feeling, judging by the constant look of unrest that the Fire Lord wears on his face, that he had an unstable Nation on the brink of another crisis. But I wasn’t interested in that, yet. First, some soft talk. Let’s unwind the Fire Lord and calm his nerves a little bit.  _ Then we can really find out what’s going on in Caldera _ . 

“What is the Eternal Flame?” I asked, and he looked over at Mai in some kind of surprise. Which makes sense, moments ago I was a better bower than him and now I’m mentioning an ancient spirituality that, as he put it, “only a couple people currently alive know what that is, how does Your Majesty know?” I took the rice wine bottle and poured it into a teacup. “I’ve been to many places.”  _ sip _ . “And I’ve seen many faces”.  _ Sip. Hey, maybe I can make a rhyme of this _ . “I drink”  _ Sip _ . “and I think”  _ Sip _ . “I’m headstrong”  _ sip,  _ “and I’m quite strong.” He seemed quite dazed from my  _ gallant  _ poetic skills. “But that doesn’t explain how Your Majesty would know about it”  _ hold on Zuko, I’m not done trying to impress you. Sip. Okay now I am _ . “Your girlfriend wrote a paper down, that paper mentions the spirituality and-” I pointed off towards the shadows somewhere to my right “Ty Lee helped me out in her own way.” Mai rolled her eyes. Her following statement was about as far from bored, her tone, as possible. “What, did she kiss you? Flirt with you? Did you kiss her and that made her flaunt her knowledge of minor near-extinct spiritualities?” “Hey!” someone to my left shouted. Out cartwheeled the pink-dressed Ty Lee. “I didn’t flirt with the Earth King!” she said while jumping over the row of Imperial Guard. Then, in a much less happy voice, “today…” Now  _ I  _ rolled my good eye. “You mean right now” I hoped my correction would remind her of her past attempts. It did. “Oh! Right. I flirted with you earlier. You still have a pretty auburn queue, you-” Mai’s voice called “Ty Lee. Sit down.” and that’s all it took to stop this crazy acrobat from going down yet another tangent of how ‘pretty’ I am. Suki? She’s pretty. Toph? She’s beautiful. Me? I’m dressed like a walking jewelry store. Nothing says opulence like wearing more gold on your chest than the Fire Lord on his. Then again, that’s part of this whole ‘outdo’ show going on between the two powers.  _ So...okay then _ .

Zuko put the Pai Sho tiles in his head together and must’ve reached Harmony because “so Ty Lee probably told you a bit of truth and lots of ideas about what she believes. I’m sorry, Your Majesty.” I felt that melancholy from him, that kind of ‘I’ve been there’ feeling. The Fire Lord isn’t supposed to be compassionate but he’s not being ruthless, he’s just accidentally failing at it. “No, I think she spoke in one long run-on sentence.” “Same thing” Mai cleared the air for me. “She mentioned something about them being the original firebenders and living on an island. Two questions. Can I have a dragon to replace my flying death coffin and can we set up a trade port there?” I don’t know if Zuko understands Earth Empire humor, or humor in general. “No, you can’t have a dragon and I don’t know if they want a trade port there.”  _ Aw. I wanted a trade port. We’re rich enough we could probably buy a dragon off them. I’d like a nice pet, too.  _

Zuko continued giving me useful exposition. “These firebenders live on one island but they claimed there’s more islands to the west” he paused to take a drink. “They used to have a big fleet but the last dynasty before mine kicked the Sun Warriors, that’s their name by the way, off the Fire Islands. They used to have great maps of the Western Sea but they were lost to time.”  _ Maps? What possibly lies west of the Fire Islands? The answer is more ocean…  _ “You mean there’s uncharted islands off to the far west?” “We don’t know” he stated and I could tell by his voice that he was wondering the same. “I sent an expedition west to find some of these islands. Let the Sun Warriors know that the ‘tlenamacac of iquizayanpa’ is friendly.”  _ What did you just say?  _ I tried to repeat the word, letter by letter to him. “Tlena-ma-cac?”  _ That’s a strange word _ . “That’s what they call the Fire Lord. It just shows that for all my ancestors tried to snuff other cultures out, they stuck around.” and he smiled. “Tlena…” I stopped and let the word roll around in my mouth instead.  _ I have so many questions.  _ “So the Sun Warriors are the true firebenders? What’s their word for themselves if you’re the Fire Lord?” He reclined and thought to himself. “They told me they call themselves the People of the Rising Sun. That’s where the name Sun Warriors comes from.”  _ That’s...where have I heard that? _

“Rising Sun? But aren’t  _ you  _ the People of the Rising Sun?” I asked back, ideas prancing about the glade that is my head. “No, we are the Empire of the East.” and he put his hand down on his right side of the table. “Then there’s them.” and he put his hand down in the middle of the table. “Then there’s the Lands of the West.” and he ran his hand off his left side of the table. “The Icalaquiampa, as they are known.”  _ Icala-... Icala-...  _ “Wait. Wait.”  _ that word. That word is familiar. Too familiar _ . “The Icala-quiampa?” “The People of the West” he told me. “That’s…”  _ I know that word _ . My teacup fell from my hand and shattered on the ground as I shouted “I know that word!” Yet again, he gave me this look of ‘how, there’s only ten people in the world who’ve met the Sun Warriors’ while some attendant shrieked in horror. As a different, more stable, attendant showed up to clean up the pieces, I said “I heard it while travelling through Huizhou. A bunch of crazy people who prayed to the moon and thought Prince Sokka was the reincarnation of their Prophet”. He gave me his Zuko look of ‘what?’ or its alias, ‘you just mumbled a bunch of incomprehensible words’. In this case, his alias would be correct. “How do you know that? The Lands of the West are ruled by the Tlalteuctli. That’s who I sent an expedition to go find.”  _ How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How.  _ Suki and I shared the same look.

_ How? You went west. Huizhou…all of those words. Those people. That’s...that’s the east not the west. How?  _ “According to the people in Minquan, I was the Tlalt-euc-tli” and I took some deep breaths because  _ this...how? How. How? _ “Your Majesty...can’t be” he pointed out, unserious in tone. “You would be so far east of them...they think  _ I’m  _ the ruler of the Rising Sun. What would that make the Earth Empire? The Lands Beyond the Sun?”  _ The Lands Beyond. That’s what…  _ I slammed my hand down onto the table and drew everyone’s attention, whether they wanted their attention drawn or otherwise.“When I was in Minquan, the sailors and drunks claimed they’ve seen or heard about ‘the Lands Beyond’. Apparently dragons fly in flocks and tempests plague anyone who dares sail it. But...they’re sailors and drunks. To them the Badgermole Throne is a mountain that Her Imperial Majesty  _ climbs  _ up to sit on.” “It’s possible...no…” and Zuko stopped talking and actually  _ laughed _ . The Fire Lord laughed. Then he laughed again. “It’s possible...it can’t be...but it’s possible...maybe You Majesty’s east and my west are the same.” “But...how?” was all I and my measly education growing up on an island that suffers half-a-year winter could come up with. “If I’m right, then not only would our world be round, it’d be traversable.”  _ But...you can’t be right. Sozin sent his fleets east. Fire Lords held the western archipelago while the great earth continent warred over itself. Two Water Tribes grace the far north and south and four Air Temples form the other directional extremes.  _ “If you’re right…”  _ then there’s absolutely. No. Way. The Fire Nation gets proven right for this.  _ “Commander? Are you alive back there?” I shouted and the Commander plucked himself out of his writings. “I am, Your Majesty. His Royal Majesty sounds sure of himself.” “Do we have the resources for sending an expedition...east?” I asked, my voice showing that the very concept was preposterous. “Do I look like the Imperial Admiral?”  _ Do we even have an Imperial Admiral?  _ “Find him and bring him to me!” I ordered, at once. Because I wanted this man at once. “Fire Lord.” I pushed myself back and stood. Zuko retained watching my every small motion. He was still drinking. Dramatic poses need effort! 

“If there’s any islands out… ‘there’...” and I pointed to my left, towards the east, “The Empire gets first pick of colonization.” “No, Your Majesty, the Empire doesn’t.” and Zuko got up, too, to trade one-eyed glances with me. “If the Fire Nation finds them, the Fire Nation can have them.” and he looked at Mai, who couldn’t be bothered to show emotion. Tea and keeping her Nation from collapse was more important. “You’re on, Fire Lord. The Imperial Navy is the largest there ever was. We’ll find  _ something  _ long before you and your navy.” he grimaced at my challenge. “I had the idea first” he stated, almost whining. “But I had the knowledge” I replied, having the knowledge.  _ Huizhou _ . “But I proposed that the world is actually a...globe” and that last word echoed through the otherwise quiet halls.  _ A globe. _

_Quick, don’t let the Fire Lord whoop us all._ “But I’ve got more men” and I punched the air. “Boys, stop,” Mai said, standing up and showing some emotion, _annoyance_. “Can’t you both start acting like world leaders?” she said, sounding much more like Katara than the bored, knife-happy, Mai. “Sorry” Zuko apologized. I didn’t apologize. _We do not apologize. Especially not for being...us._ “I have an idea,” she said softly. The two of us turned to her. “Why don’t the Fire Nation and Earth Empire split it. Anything the Fire Nation finds goes to the Fire Nation, anything the Earth Empire finds goes to the Earth Empire.” “But what if the world is round?” I asked, now pondering if _maybe that trained-in-a-royal-setting and also firebending-prodigy,_ Zuko, was right. “I learned in the Royal Fire Academy that we draw these things called _maps_.” she sarcastically quipped. The Dai Li might execute her for treason if they also weren’t busy having dinner. The ones that did look like they were doing something, the Commander warded them off with hand gestures the Fire Lady didn’t see. The Imperial Guard...I saw at least two Guards laughing and trying really hard to maintain their _I’m intimidating_ expression. They are intimidating, just not when they’re laughing at the Fire Lady insulting the Fire Lord. Because she wasn’t and isn’t insulting me. She’s insulting her boyfriend, husband, Lord, head of his own cult of personality, head of the Fire Nation’s religion, whatever. She’d never _dare_ make fun of the Earth Emperor in his own home, right? _No wait, she would. And she’d do it just like this_. And Ty Lee? “That was pretty funny, Mai! I learned about maps, too.” _Yep. Ty Lee is still as qualified as ever_. 

I tried to re-rail this conversation “Your Majesty was saying?” He put his hands down on the table. “If both sides draw a map together, they can cut the map in half. Everything on...oh...the left half goes to the Empire and the right half goes to the Fire Nation.” and Zuko and I traded glances and I nodded. “That sounds fair. We get our minerals and you get yours.” and I head-bowed to him. “This will let me preserve their culture! And, if it’s true, reintroduce dragons to the world!”.  _ Right. Right. Please don’t bother my half while we’re test firing the Imperial Siege Cannon Two: Bigger, Thicker, Longer. No that’s not a euphemism...Lee. _ This was about culture? Ha. Our Empire will trample your backwards moon-worshipping culture into the dirt while we replace it with worshipping someone real and down-to-earth, Toph. Because there’s nothing like praying to a chair, right citizens of the Empire?  _ Now kowtow.  _

“Your Majesty, would you be okay if we maybe massacred all the natives we find and populate their islands with our loyal citizens instead?” “It’s your half, do as you wish.” When he really thought about what I said, his face became a bit shocked and he said “No killing.” _Oh, we don’t need to kill them._ “Commander? Can we order them to be sent to ‘re-education’ instead?” and from back over by his writing desk, “I quite like the idea of reeducation, Your Majesty. One problem. You’re not the Earth Empress.” _Riiiiiiight. I forgot._ My rank fell back on me like some kind of mythical flying bison crushing a firebender while his rider attacks a city. But...because the rider didn’t notice the dead firebender he can go around talking about having brought peace to the Three Nations and Him. _Possibly,_ _I’ve got no power. Or maybe I do. I do for most things. Just not this. Also, I can’t just commission a fleet without Her Imperial Majesty’s approval. Now, to sell her on the idea. And we still don’t know if there even are islands. Or if the world is round. Or if those islands have minerals and jewels that we could mine. Or if there’s enough land to test-fire our Siege Artillery._

“I’m sorry, Fire Lord. As merely the Earth Emperor,  _ not  _ the Earth Empress, I cannot agree to your plan.” and I pulled the chair back out to stop my dramatic posing of drama and sit down like a regular person. “That’s okay” and he sat back down since I suppose he also got tired of dramatically exclaiming -you know, it hurts all the  _ angst _ \- and he poured Mai a cup of tea, then himself. A very sweet gesture that earned a cheek kiss.  _ Ew. Oogies. That’s not how we do affection in the Empire.  _ “On to more interesting matters…” I began, while a new teacup was placed down for my drinking usage. “Like the whole ‘Zuko needs a secret police force’ matter?” Mai jutted in.  _ Yes Mai. That. Exactly that. That is why I like you. Can you be the monarch instead?  _

“As Your Majesty must know, the Royal Fire Intelligence Corps has been...lacking...in recent years” Zuko said...stuttering...like...this. Probably from embarrassment.  _ No, I don’t know. Who do you think I am, a walking encyclopedia of information? Beihai is part of Nantu and not the other way around. Wait… _ “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, I didn’t know.” Then the Commander made his voice nice and neutral and “But I did.” so we all looked at him. Then after he stayed his tongue, probably because he didn’t want to say ‘hey I knew your entire Nation better than you did’ because  _ he’s  _ a walking encyclopedia, Zuko continued embarrassing himself. “Grandfather thought there were spies in his midst and  _ that’s  _ why the Earth Kings were able to check Uncle’s offensives around Ba Sing Se. So he killed most of the Intelligence Corps.” The Commander watched this and showed no emotion. 

_ I mean, your grandfather wasn’t wrong. Long Feng had spies in Azulon’s Court and it’s because of these valiant heroes, these nameless agents, that the Council of Five knew Iroh’s every plan. If only the Council of Five wasn’t busy measuring the size of their estates, they might’ve put up a better defense. It’s why the Grand Secretariat knew Prince Lu Ten would be leading the vanguard. And it’s why Song was assigned to die at some outpost in the Agrarian Zone. We, correction, they, had spies so heavily tossed about in the Dragon’s Host that when his army retreated a bunch of high ranking officers accidentally died and someone even stole his teacup.  _

“...Can we agree your grandfather was a bit crazy in his older years?” and Zuko tipped his head. “Sadly, Grandfather had lost his mind. He grew up as the War began, he led a dozen campaigns, and he almost lived to see it end. Ninety-five years of War can make anyone insane. There were no spies in our Court. It was impossible for an earthbender to even get inside Royal Caldera City.” I looked over at our own Commander. He didn’t make any faces _but I_ _know you._ That Commander, that madman, _he_ went to Caldera and came back. Before aircraft, no engine-powered ships, no provisions. A man, his sailboat and some orders from Long Feng. Not that I’d tell Zuko that. We don’t know what he retrieved or how many people he killed and I’m pretty certain all he was told to do was ‘kill the Daimyo of Jang Hui’ but instead he took a boat and...went even further. He killed that very Daimyo then he went to Caldera and stole campaign plans from the Palace, _itself_ , under the nose of the entire Palace staff. 

“And what does the Dragon Throne request from us?” I asked, glancing left and right at my Imperial Guards. Note, it’s appropriate conduct to refer to the actions of the Fire Nation as, quote, ‘the Dragon Throne.’ Since I want to sound courtly, I’m not going to say ‘and what does the Fire Nation request from us’ because Zuko acts in the interests of his chair just as Toph acts in the interests of her chair. Except her chair has popular support holding it up and Zuko’s is...I have no idea. Then again that’s why he’s here. “I would like to learn, Your Majesty…” but he awkwardly paused as the physical embodiment of an awkward turtleduck -just as Toph is the physical embodiment of a badgermole- is prone to do. He looked at Mai who yawned, took a sip of tea, put the teacup down with a small  _ clink _ , and continued for his sake. “Zuko wants the Fire Nation’s sorry excuse for an Intelligence Corps to be trained by the best in all of the civilized Nations.” “You want us to give you the Dai Li’s secrets?” I said, knowing full well that a ‘no’ would, well, fully be the next word out of my mouth. Humbly, he said “I want all forms of Fire Nation culture to be preserved. All my living advisors have told me that there’s no better place for cultural heritage than Ba Sing Se.”  _ Living? Do I want to know what happened to the rest?  _ I have a personal theory that the Avatar’s best friend has had to kill many,  _ many  _ people by his own two hands and he’s feeling quite guilty because who knew peace was so bloody?  _ Tell me about it _ . 

To his statement, the entire ceiling broke out into “That’s right!”s and “You know it!”s and when one voice shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” the entire ceiling chanted it. Then the Imperial Guards joined in. Mai rolled her eyes while Zuko recoiled in shock. “Are...why is the ceiling talking to us?” Mai, being the sweetest Spirit of Death this side of the Kyoshi Island Grottos, put a hand on his shoulder and “don’t worry, they do that often.” “They?” he said, as petrified as I am when Ty Lee flashes her eyelashes at me. “Yes, they. There’s an entire army of men hiding up there.” Then she looked at me. “Right, Your Majesty?” I nodded. “Dai Li! Get down here and make yourselves present!” and I heard a bunch of mumbling and “Sorry, Your Majesty, we’re having dinner!” from one guy. “Chan’s cooking is something else! I’d kill for another bowl of this turtle-duck stuff!” someone else in the ceiling called out. “Right?” yet another voice added in. Zuko was just sitting there...he looked like he was about to faint. “Didn’t you kill a guy named Chan for the recipe, Chan?” a sixth, or maybe seventh, voice asked. “I did, Lee-Jun. Was good, too” the voice I must assume belonged to Chan responded to the man who I guess was named Lee-Jun. “Your Majesty…” the awkward turtle-duck stuttered. “Yes?” I replied like this was nothing at all. Because it’s normal to me. 

“How...how is the ceiling doing that?” he asked with amazement. “Four hundred years of well trained history, Your Majesty” I said through a grin. “How...but how do these people not scare you?” he continued stuttering. “They’re my cousins!” I said, punching the air. “What?” was all he could say. Then Suki burst into laughter. “That’s...that’s...that’s right! They  _ are  _ our cousins!” and she almost turned into a ball to appreciate laughing at the situation. “How? Aren’t the two of you the only cousins...or is my Intelligence Corps wrong again?” and I took a few  _ miao  _ to laugh at the ridiculousness known as cross-cultural exchange. I had to offer, “This is weird to you? But women you don’t know peeping on you while you take a shower is normal?” in the name of cultural trade. “Those are attendants and they know us from childhood on!” he said, offended. “And men? Male attendants watching women?” “They’re probably eunuchs!” he probably told me. Suki grabbed her fan hilts. “Probably? Don’t make me pull out my fans. They’ll all be taking a close shave...to the neck.” Because Zuko is terrible at asking for help, I changed the topic.

“Let’s take your eunuchs theory. Which, by the way, last time I checked it’s the Earth Kingdom that gives people a, ahem, close shave, not the Fire Nation.” again, possibly incorrect words, but Suki smirked at them.  _ Yes Suki, I know you’ve got a war to wage with everyone who dares violate Kyoshi’s ethics. So do I. But I can’t cut people in half with a katana.  _ “What about all the women? Do you  _ know  _ how many bastards have surely been the byproduct of...well all that?” but no, he didn’t. It’s almost like this Fire Lord forgot the part of Fire Lord class that teaches him all these things.  _ Just like someone else didn’t go to class. Huh. All the bowfishing got me the seat next to the holy chair, though _ . “Bastards? I would never dare-” but he got cut off in his tirade by Mai and “yes, about a hundred. And that’s just recorded history that Sozin kept.” “And you trust these attendants? What about that time an Earth King was assassinated in the shower by thirteen female attendants and one chopstick?” Okay, maybe  _ that  _ confused look from Zuko was earned. “Hm.” and Mai put a finger to her lip. “If you gave me a chopstick, I could probably pin it through someone’s neck. It’s possible.” and I don’t know if it's  _ how  _ Mai said that, being a cold as wintery nights voice that she has, or the mere fact she did, but a couple pairs of Ceiling Dai Li took offense. So a couple pairs of Ceiling Dai Li fell down, one of whom accidentally kicked an entire bowl of turtle-duck off one of the rafters and causing it to smash onto the floor nearby. They encircled us but before they could melodramatically order Mai to apologize for being Mai, the Commander held up his hand and “men, go back to dinner” then he yawned. The agents looked around and climbed back up. I looked back towards Mai and Zuko and Zuko was... _ frozen _ . “What happened to him?” “I think he…” and she delicately grabbed his palm and felt it. “...fainted.” 

“Is he going to die? Do I have to find a  _ new  _ successor? I had a hard enough time last time. I reached the Dragon Throne and was asked by the soldiers who I’d like to proclaim the new Fire Lord incumbent or if  _ I  _ wanted to be it-” Mai nicely cut me off. “No, no, he’ll be fine. Give him and I a few...whatever short measurement of time Your Majesty has…, somewhere private to relax, and a bowl of fruit tarts.” “A few fen? And why private? And why fruit tarts?” I muttered like the madman I was and am. “What His Majesty is trying to say is his personal saying of-”  _ no Suki, you’re not going to beat me this time _ . “Why?” I exclaimed. “Because sometimes a Fire Lord needs to wake up knowing everything’s all right and he’s not about to get a rock glove to the neck” and Mai, somehow actually showing concern, petting her Fire Lord’s well-done topknot. “Also, by private, can you...you know, make sure nobody bothers us for the rest of the night?” “How specific” I commented, somewhat sarcastic, somewhat confused because  _ that’s a really specific request _ . “Specific situations call for specific-” but she was stopped by the Fire Lord jerking his head forward, then reaching up and grabbing his head. “Ow. My head. What happened?” Mai gave him the shorthand. “An army of Dai Li agents who reside in the ceiling fell down because I said something mean.” “They don’t live in the ceiling. They come down from time to time” I had to correct her before Fire Nation painters start drawing art of Ceiling Dai Li with beds and the works. Case in point, a pair of Dai Li were scurrying down one of the far pillars, carrying plates, before vanishing into one of the many shadowy parts of this great Throne Room.

“As you have learned firsthand, Your Majesty, the Dai Li are a well-entrenched organization” I tried not to smile too hard while saying this. “Entrenched? They’re like spirits floating about” and he gazed up at the nothingness. The opposite of a bottomless pit. “That’s the feeling Your Majesty is supposed to get.” “Wait, you mean I’m  _ supposed  _ to be terrified?” he said, visibly sweating. “Unless that someone is Her Imperial Majesty, long may she live, Ten Thousand Years-” the ceiling shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” as one, I continued, “- _ all,  _ even I, are supposed to be terrified of the Dai Li.” and because  _ someone  _ likes playing jokes on me,  _ someone  _ fell down behind me and yelled “Bang!” and I  _ jumped out of my seat and screeched like a little girl.  _ I turned around and found some Dai Li agent coldly looking at me. “I can see your eyes!” I shouted at him while my voice stopped being that of a  _ little girl  _ and started being  _ formal _ . Now  _ he  _ was the little girl and he pulled his hat over his eyes. “Forgive Agent Wei.” said a voice that was in the process of skating down one of the pillars. “I’m Agent Shen and on behalf of all the Dai Li-” but he was cut off by the voice of the Commander. “Men, go back upstairs. I meant...go back up  _ there _ .” and he didn’t even take his head out of his writings. Shen grabbed Wei and the two went back up to the emptiness that is our ceiling. When I looked back at Zuko he was clutching Mai like he was about to eat a ballista bolt for breakfast.  _ But it’s dinner _ .  _ And our ballistas aren’t here, Fire Lord _ . “Did...did that man just go ‘bang’?” he asked, scared. The Fire Lord.  _ Scared.  _ Shaking. “He did. I think that’s the same agent who spooked me once before” and my quick heartbeat calmed down after a few breathers. “I did, Your Majesty! Back when you had the crutches!”  _ Oh for Kyoshi’s sake _ . I was halfway to putting my own hand on his shoulder but his face started smoldering. I didn’t know people, save Ozai, could do that. Even Azula...I mean she didn’t breathe fire. He exhaled  _ fire  _ because...I don’t know, I’m not Katara.  _ Note, I meant Mai. Toph’s ‘let’s put Fire Lord Hotman and Lady Sugar Queen together’ stuff is getting to my head _ .  _ Thanks for attending all those Pu-On Tim plays, Toph. You almost made me slip up.  _

The Fire Lord calmed his flame breath down and “Sorry about that, Your Majesty. I was...so scared I breathed fire.” and he brought up his hands and examined them. “I didn’t even know I could do that” he said, and he sounded genuinely scared of his potential.  _ You are, in fact, the Fire Lord. Get used to this _ . “On behalf of the Fire Nation, and in the name of world peace, I-” and he got out of his chair and bowed royalty-to-royalty to the Badgermole Throne, “-request assistance in training my own Intelligence Corps to be as excellent as the Empire’s.” A Toph-like response came to me. “So you want a bunch of secret assassin training for world peace? Doesn’t sound very peaceful to me” and I would’ve crossed my arms but I’m not Toph. So I didn’t. “Your Majesty, there also isn’t world peace.” the Commander said in his...voice...from his writing area. Zuko widened his good eye and “what?” “Oh, we’re still at war, Your Majesties” and the Commander finally emerged from his seat and walked over to me. “The Empire is at war with  _ daofei  _ in the south, technically we’ve never signed a peace treaty with the Northerners, and there're countless tribes scattered about. Not to mention the Sandbenders. In terms of  _ news _ , since the rest of that is as old as the Empire, as of last night, meet a new enemy of the Badgermole Throne. Rebellious islanders.” and he handed me one of the many scrolls on his table. Zuko was now justified in being shocked. Because I was, too. 

“Wuge, Magistrate of Taizigou, has received reports saying a self-proclaimed Lord, Yasanobu, Magistrate of Nan Day Island, has raised the flag of rebellion. His patrol junks were destroyed by ships with the White Sun of Nan Day.” _What?_ I asked, amazed by the names I heard “But Taizigou is the land northeast of Ba Sing Se. Nan Day is...isn’t that the island northeast of Taizigou?” and the Commander nodded. “Where was this letter this morning?” I almost punched someone. “The Imperial Palace Assistant Clerk must’ve forgotten it during all his Ministerial duties. Being extremely competent that he is. I only found it while rummaging through Your Majesty’s Memorial pile.” and he stepped back as if he knew I’d punch something or someone. I didn’t. “Forgive me, Fire Lord. I’ve got to go kill a rebel. Commander, ensure the Fire Lord is treated with respect.” and I got out of my seat, gave him a proper bow, and marched off.

The attendants greeted me, helped me out of my clothes and into my Imperial Informal Robes and I fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed. I was awoken at some point by the shoulder-punch of one Earth Empress. “How was your day?” she asked while I felt her crawling up my chest and resting her head on it. The near-total darkness gave me no insight to where she was. “I got a robe with medals on it, went to morning court, planned some army reforms, watched a peasant rebellion, followed your instructions and delivered justice and just hosted the Fire Lord.” I received some shoulder jabs and a tight hug. “I heard. You did well, Kyoshi.” I buried my hand in her hair and felt around. She enjoyed that. “And there’s a rebellion from an island to the northeast.” “Oh?” she asked, tired. “Yes. Oh. A rebellion.” “You’re the bringer of justice, you should probably get on that.” She sounded sarcastic but was serious. “You want me to get on it now?” She groaned. “No, no. You had a long day. And I need my pillow!” I felt her enjoyment at the last line. She found the comfortable nook of my neck to rest in, I found her hair to massage, and the two of us fell asleep.

Tomorrow to Taizigou. Next day, Nan Day.

_ I love being the Emperor _ .

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we're off on campaign to conquer some subpolar island! (What a good use of our time)
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Quite Confused Folks:  
> -The chapter title is a reference to the Dai Li failing to stop Ty Lee (being the fools) and the mythical New World (being all a-round).  
> -The Dai Li aren't meant to be awful at their jobs, they're not some stereotypical mooks from fiction. They're master earthbenders. They've just never prepared for someone who fights like an aggressive airbender.  
> -For context, Ty Lee is in her usual pink outfit. An outfit that is quite out of place in Ba Sing Se.  
> -I have nothing against Ty Lee, but her immaturity doesn't really fit in the world of backstabbing politics and grown-up matters.  
> -The 'Spirit of Death' in reference is Lao Ge. We'll see more of him...  
> -Normally in fiction, the character of Xuan would have some kind of misunderstanding with the character of Mori, e.x. 'Xuan': "You killed him!" 'Mori': "He deserved it!" 'Xuan': "Murder is bad!". Not here, because both are justice-oriented.  
> -Xuan can respect his foes, case in point Ty Lee for her chi-blocking, while still make fun (in his own way) of them. She's "Lady Brothel-Dress" because that's a much nicer way of saying she's skimpy.  
> -The Fire Lord being the 'star' of Pu-On Tim plays is a reference to Pu-On Tim's rabid obsession (or rather, his Lower Ring fans) with shipping Fire Lord Zuko with anyone or anything that moves. Everyone except Toph is a possibility. Oh Kyoshi, indeed.  
> -An aside, a few chapters from now will feature the introduction of the underground legal betting pool based on which world leader sleeps with whom. And there's Dai Li writing fanfiction. And there's a ship war between who Katara belongs with. Because there has to be a ship war.
> 
> -Zuko's outfit is his Fire Lord clothing from the end of ATLA.  
> -Mai's outfit is her usual black-and-red outfit.
> 
> -To the surprise if you're new here (hello from the appendix notes of chapter 32!), Zuko does not whine on and on about his trauma or honor. He's a world leader, he may not be a good one, but he's got adult responsibilities to think about. That doesn't mean he won't have emotional breaking points, just that he has more important matters at hand. Like groveling before his family's rivals to gain some aid. Aid that he won't get because why exactly would the Earth Empire, a nation with a dozen small conflicts brewing at the same time, set aside it's resources to help their former foes? The Earth continent suffered and now it's trying to consolidate itself.  
> -"I've been to many places and I've seen many faces. I drink and I think. I'm headstrong and I'm quite strong." Poetry, everybody! In case you needed proof why Mori can't poetry, this is why.  
> -"Harmony" is to Pai Sho (thank you, fanon) as Checkmate is to Chess. He reached Harmony, he 'won', he 'got it'.  
> -"tlenamacac" is fire priest in Nahuatl. "iquizayanpa" is the place where the sun rises. Together, they'd combine to mean "The Fire Priest from the place where the Sun rises". I used the word for Fire Priest and not the word for 'Lord' because it's a holdover from when the Fire Lords were more spirituality inclined and the Fire Sages had a closer connection to the monarch.  
> -The splitting of the undiscovered islands on the other side of the world is based on the Treaty of Tordesillas between Spain and Portugal.  
> -Xuan took a sailboat, infiltrated Caldera, and stole campaign plans from the Palace itself.  
> -This marks one of the many returns of Shen and Wei. They will return again.
> 
> -The 'new world' affairs (exploration) aren't going to be a focus in the future as the matters are no longer the responsibility of Mori's but of the Imperial Navy.


	33. Go Go Taizigou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Campaign Against Subpolar Backwards Island Rebels begins with some stage-setting!

Chapter Ninety-Nine:

_Bang. Bang. Bang._ “Yes?” I barely mumbled. “Your Majesty requested to be awoken at exactly _Wugeng_ !” some young woman whose voice I didn’t know spoke up. One of our attendants. “No I didn’t!” the Empress said, groggily, while finding my arm, grabbing it, and holding it tightly. “And _you’re_ not getting up, Kyoshi” and she tried her hardest to hold my arm down. _Oh, your nonbending attempts remain as precious as...well I’d say a flower but then you’d punch me in the face… so your nonbending attempts to hold me down are as delightful as a mud bath. Like a mud bath, they aren’t that effective._ Because her hand is like a pincer and dug into my skin, I _did_ wake up. “What’s _Wugeng_ in Kyoshi time? We have someone out there who speaks Kyoshi Time, right?” Thankfully for my sanity, Suki’s voice made itself present. “There is no such thing as _Wugeng_ on Kyoshi Island!” _Oh, that’s nice._ “Young woman attendant-” I was interrupted by Toph’s exhausted voice, “Kyoshi go back to sleep” _ow, stop pressing on my chest with your head._ I continued. “-what is _Wugeng_ ? Remind me.” and I stirred my body and _tried_ to make my legs do the ‘move’ thing but they told me to go back to sleep. They were made numb by a night of the Empress sleeping near or on them. “ _Wugeng_ is the point when the stars begin to fade as the sun approaches, Your Majesty!” _Huh? Stars? Sun?_ “Isn’t that twilight?” “That’s _Wugeng and One Dian_ , Your Majesty” the attendant politely replied. I heard Suki ask with the same confusion as I “There’s a time before twilight?” “Kyoshi!” and now Toph was _annoyed_ , so she pressed on her loyal pillow like that was going to make me budge. _No. I will not budge. Unless you start bending. Then I’ll budge_ . The attendant probably nodded her head, as she is taught to do, then “yes, _Wugeng_ itself is the entirety of what the commoners call twilight.” _Commoners? I am no...well actually I am._ “Thank you for the lecture on time, I should have you promoted” I chimed in, not counting the break in the middle of the sentence for a frustrated Empress frustratedly tugging on my hair. The attendant probably bowed then disappeared. 

“Kyoshi, its so early there’s no sun out” came Toph’s genuine sounding plea. _Ha._ “You can’t see the sun” I hit her plea with my anti-aircraft powered battery of ‘ _I know where this is going_ .’ “So? Someone else can,” she retaliated. “But Toph…” and now I sounded like a child begging, _not good ground to put one’s footing_ , “we have a campaign to go on.” She ‘hmph,’ed and crossed her arms. Or I suppose she did, I couldn’t see the Empress as she hid underneath a pile of thin summertime smooth silken blankets. “We have a _war_ to fight.” I emphasized the word ‘war’ and _that_ got her to pipe up. “You mean there’s heads to crack?” “Some minor ethnic group with its own culture, yes” I explained, trying to recall what little I knew of a group of people I’ve never met before and will likely never meet again. “Well why didn’t you say so!” and she pushed her loyal headrest off the bed and made me land with a _smash_ on the floor. I stood up, collected my sanity, and asked “Do you want to come along?” “How ‘minor’ are we talking?” she asked, finding a real pillow with which to use for pillowy purposes. “I think it’s one island and probably just one guy living in a castle.” In her noblewoman’s voice, a rare treasure to be heard, “that’s too minor for me!” I half-expected her to hand-wave it away, as noblewomen do. I respectfully asked “And what do you plan on doing instead?” “Train the Dai Li in metalbending” she responded, partly muffled by her choice of sleeping face-on with a pillow. “But they are trained” I thought I could get her to come along with that counter. _Nope_ . “Says the nonbender. _Nobody_ ’s ever fully-trained. Not even you. Not even me.” _Was that...Toph’s exhaustion making her humble? What in the name of me is going on?_ Eitherway, “So I’m off to do this alone?” “You like wars, right?” she asked, pretending to sound like Sugar Queen. “That’s correct, Your Majesty” I said while tying up my Imperial Informal Robe. “You’re a good commander, have fun Kyoshi. I’m going back to sleep.” Because she did a not-good job of kicking the blankets around, I walked over to her, pulled them off, tossed them somewhere on the floor since the bottom half are dirty from someone who never cleans their feet, then retrieved a new blanket and threw it over her. I even tucked the blanket in on the edges. All of this was for nothing since she back-kicked it off, sat up, and said “Kyoshi, get over here.” I walked up to her, she moved her hand around until she palm-struck my chest. For a brief moment, I saw the silhouette of all her tumbling sea-raven black hair. A brief moment. Brief because she hammerfisted my shoulder soon after. Hard enough to make my hand numb. “You’re welcome, Toph.” “I didn’t need the help.” _So says the woman who punched my shoulder as a ‘thank you_ ’. “Come back in less than three pieces, Kyoshi! Get back within a day. I need you for my pillow!” I bowed to her. “I will.” with that, I collected myself and a lantern and carried it into one room over.

Once again, as they always do and always will, the attendants filed in like strange phantoms here to steal my hair or something. I specify stealing my hair because one took to immediately combing it. _I’d ask if you all dream of these jobs, but you probably do. So reach those goals, attendants I don’t know the names of! Reach! Reach and you will achieve!_ “What attire does Your Majesty wish to wear today?” the same attendant whose voice I shall refer to as “Lady Medal Announcer” asked. Then I thought through my personal record of voices and… “Ming? That you?” The faint amount of light the half dozen lanterns gave off _-note, not actually that faint-_ showed the two braids of my favorite _-and the one name I remember-_ attendant. And her smile. “Yes, Your Majesty, Your Majesty’s attendant, Ming.” While she talked, some attendants brought out a variety of clothes: Dresses for manly men like me and my being-combed-as-we-spoke-hair, robes for everything from post-marriage intimacy to pre-marriage intimacy and even a bedrobe, armor and uniforms. “The Imperial, er, Emperor’s Army Standard Uniform has had a few extra medals added to it” she nicely add. _If I hear one more word about medals I’m going to personally walk all the way to Nantu, yes it takes like four months to do, and take a drink from the icy waters of the South Sea. Then I’d toss myself in and try swimming home._ “No medals. I don’t want to walk into battle jangling and chiming” I said, far more annoyed that I internally thought I sounded. She seemed distraught by this, as one would be, and “forgive me, Your Majesty.” I looked around at the attendants and the clothes they carried and groaned “What else?” while resting my good eye in the palm of my hand. “There’s the Imperial Summertime Robes.” and this me-spanning _longpao_ was dangled in front of me. “I’m not walking into a parade, am I?” _Note, I haven’t dressed as my rank befits me to be dressed in a long time_ . “There’s a robe commissioned by the Council of Five, I believe it's called the Imperial Commander Attire.” _How many Imperial...wait don’t say it. There’s already enough_ . Because I wasn’t scowling, they brought over a lantern to show the clothes off. It’s a blue-green version of what General How wears. “Can I just wear the Imperial Armor?” I tried not to get annoyed at the attempts of these polite young women who meant well. Polite and possibly, _possibly_ , flirty, judging by how they made off-hand remarks about how ‘nice’ my hair looked. “Of course, Your Majesty.” and out came my _favorite_ piece of clothing. 

As they helped me into the elaborately fancy and doubly practical piece of Imperial pride, it hit me that _Toph’s not coming along. I can actually take a shower._ So all their work was for nothing. I went to take my shower and enjoyed that I had _privacy_ . No weird attendants I didn’t know watching me in the corner, _thanks Caldera you’ve scarred me forever_ . Once I washed and dried myself, it was back to the Imperial Armor. I’ll march off to battle smelling of the greatest soaps this side of Caldera. Those smelly Magistrates of far-flung regions - _wait where are we going? It’s not that far? Oh well the metaphor still works_ \- won’t know what hit them! After my Armor came the blue-plumed helm of the Imperial Helmet which is more like a full head-and-neck covering than a helmet. Then, my scabbard. Someone somewhere modified my scabbard to hold two _jians_ , my Piandao-forged one of fine steel and the Beifong meteorite blade. Except, one, I haven’t had advanced training in dual-wielding, and two, I prefer to retain agility. That means I can only have one. Crazy old men like Song can spin about with twin _dao_ . Not me. So the black blade would stay behind and my trusty Piandao-made one gets to come along. Also, everyone else gets fancy sword names. _The Dragon’s Dao. The Strong Hand of Lord Beifong. Starfall. Duskblade. The Swamp Trimmer. The Green Dragon Sabre. The Twin Sisters of Xishan._ My blade? It’s just mine. A blade is only as good as its deeds, or so the folktales say. 

I walked through the quiet halls and tried very hard to ignore the _pair of agents sitting up on the rafters talking about the latest wrestling match_. I could’ve stopped and went ‘agents, please stop talking,’ but no, I respect their privacy. Also, when they noticed me walking towards them suddenly they went silent. Suki came running over to join me, citing “Toph ordered me to come with you and I ordered me to come with you.” I then pointed at the ceiling and commented that “we’re not alone” and she corrected herself to “Her Imperial Majesty ordered me to come with Your Majesty and I ordered the Captain of His Imperial Majesty’s Guard to come with Your Majesty.” The pair of Dai Li pretended they weren’t there. And nobody could prove they were or weren’t. The ceilings are too high. 

I walked up to the southern entrance, the main one and “no, guard, don’t blow the gong and hit the horn.” but when Suki started giggling it hit me that _maybe_ I said the wrong thing. “Don’t hit the gong and don’t blow the horn.” He nodded and replied “Yes, Your Majesty.” Then the double doors opened and I had to shout “Don’t!” to stop one of the Imperial Guards from hitting a gong. Instead, my shout echoed across the Imperial Palace Grounds and probably helped in waking everyone up. If not waking them up, it caused the Imperial Guard who were assigned on patrol to run over to their predetermined positions along the main path. The resting serpentine dragon Druk blinked once, raised his head to look towards me, blinked again and looked back at his master’s house, then looked up at the crazy auburn haired man waving his hands about trying to stop everyone from waking up. The skybison couldn’t be bothered. He was tired. Lord Qiangyang was probably enjoying his sleep in the Crystal Catacombs beneath our Palace. If he was awake, chances are Toph would be with him. And she’s asleep. One of these Imperial Guards went the wrong way and returned with an ostrich horse. An armored ostrich horse, blue-barded. Then he noticed that I was joined by someone else, Suki, and a second ostrich horse was brought out. 

I descended the stairs and hopped on. Suki, normally a fan of running, must’ve agreed with the whole ‘essence of time’ or whatever those wise, wise, ministers might utter, and hopped on an ostrich horse, too. “Where is Your Majesty going?” the Imperial Guard who held the two reins asked. I told him “Council of Five. We’ve got a war to win. Again” while I took the reins from his hand and snapped them. Suki followed suit. We clopped ourselves forward. The dragon resumed his fire-breathing snoring, _that’s still terrifying_ , and, no, I wasn’t greeted by a Fire Lord and his katas. The sun had yet to rise and the moon, a thin sliver, just did. 

When I noticed the moon I wondered, so _, do waterbenders have the same effect_ ? Riding through the gates of the Outer Courtyard, to which a loud _gong_ sounded -and there goes my secrecy- I spotted my answer. Katara, in an eight-armed waterbending stance. _That’s not relieving to see_ . The Avatar was launching ice shards at her and she grabbed them and tossed them in other much more dangerous directions. One of these almost cut my queue off and _that’s_ when The Egg Lord made his ‘oops’ face. _Yes. Oops. No cutting off queues_ . Katara looked at Aang and his face, making her spin around and notice me riding past. “Sorry, Your Majesty” she managed to say within my earshot. I slowed my ostrich horse down after passing the two to turn around and wish them well. “I hope you have a successful training. Make sure to do productive things, too, like bring peace to nations and make sure tyrant _daofei_ lords don’t pop up. Make sure to spread your peace around like a man spreading his...” Then I noticed the platoon of ostrich horses that were riding towards me. _What? Why?_ So while Aang and Katara offered their bows of gratitude, _I don’t think they were listening to me_ , they almost got stampeded by banner-lance carrying Imperial Guards. “Why are you joining me?” I asked the platoon of them. “As Your Majesty’s personal retinue.” one of them told me. _Fine. I guess I might need some actually competent benders. Can twelve of you replace one Toph? Probably not_ . _But you can try_.

I left the Avatar and his girlfriend to go about their business and did not divulge today’s objective of _let’s kill some rebels_ because I didn’t have the time to be told about how great peace was. Peace is good. That’s why I have to exterminate all the rebels. Imperial orders. And I will always follow my Empress’s commands. And her orders brings peace. It’s simple. End war to bring peace. End war by chopping the head off the spider-rat. I rode out the Southern Gate, earning another peaceful-silence breaking _gong_ and continued on to the Council Tower. When I arrived, I was greeted by a strange sight. A bunch of young women in _blue_. Blue kimono-dresses. Standing at the steps of the Council Tower. They turned around and noticed me, _loud horns and gongs tend to cause that_ , and kowtowed. “Who are you?” I asked while I brought my mount to a stop. “Healers, Your Majesty.” the middle-aged one stated. “Healers?” _Wait, we have healers? This sounds like something I remember hearing about once before then vanishing into the back of my memory because more important matters took over_. “We are General How’s personal healers. We were summoned this morning.” one of the younger ones stated. On closer inspection, _not much closer than face-to-face_ , they all had the hairstyles of Water Tribe women, _what were those things Katara referred to her hair as? Hair hoops? Hair droops? Hair loops? Hair loopies._ They had those, but braided. I asked the slightly-organized group of some fifteen women “Who leads you?” . “Immuyak” and whoever that was, _oh it's her, the middle aged woman_ , stepped forward and bowed. One of the door guards must’ve noticed my arrival because what felt like a _fen,_ and was probably ten, later, General How barreled out of the front door passionately formal.

“It’s early to be greeted by Your Majesty” he said, formally. Then he kowtowed. I asked “What are we doing about Nan Day Island?” and looked off towards the northeast, where the island would lie. “I had musters sent out last night, Your Majesty. We’ll be ready to move out by breakfast.” and I could hear the pride in his voice when he said that. I looked back at him then over at the collection of young women. “And these healers?” and I gestured to them. He turned around as if to greet them for a hug. “They were told to arrive before daybreak.” “Are we going to do all the fancy parading or can we get right to the assault? And what of Song, Fong, Jun and Zhi?” and I looked around expecting them to show up any _miao_ now. He recited each one and their excuses off. “Song’s business is the west. The Makapuan Mountains. Fong has enough on his plate. Jun deals with Dongfang and Liaoyang mostly. And Zhi? He claims this is Jun’s problem.” _Kyoshi, what is with you five?_ “So why don’t you tell Jun or Zhi to do it?” I asked him, earning his bellowing roar of a laugh. “They’re _busy_ , Your Majesty.” _The sarcasm is so thick I could scrape it off you and eat it. Not that I would. I don’t consume other’s sarcasm. Toph consumes my sarcasm and I consume hers. Wait, no, I don’t want to imply something that Pu-On Tim might take and use against me. I literally consume her sarcasm and she mine_ . Then the sarcasm became sarcasm with a touch of frustration. “Jun’s off serving tea to his Dongfanger friends and Zhi’s probably in a tavern in the Lower Ring.” “General, know I would trust nobody else, except maybe Song, to see this through.” his touch of frustration subsided and he let out a thin smile. “Thank you, Your Majesty.” and he kowtowed. I had to make clear “Oh, and I’m coming with you” in case it wasn’t obvious. _It was probably quite obvious._ “Is Your Majesty planning to take over the operation?” he asked, suddenly much more humble. “I’m, what, seventeen? Eighteen? I don’t have your years on these matters. I’ll co-run it with you.” _That’s not a lie. He’s not the leader of the Council of Five for nothing. I’ll defer to him on these matters. Though, though, he’d be right if he said that I had a disproportionate number of military battles, victories, on my record. I could ‘command’ tens of thousands of men, but I need officers beneath me who know what they are doing. In this case, he knows what he’s doing_. How appreciated the compliment, ‘co-run’ being a compliment, and smiled. 

While Toph never said ‘Hey Kyoshi, you’re Imperial Commander of this operation’, she did name me an Imperial Commander previously and that is on record. And because she never formally redacted the title from me, _why would she? I always get home in time to give her foot massages,_ I’m an Imperial Commander without an army to my name. Though, it could be said that the entire Imperial Army -not the Dai Li for they serve the Badgermole Throne directly- is mine. Not that I would abuse it. So in a twist only fitting of Imperial bureaucracy, I’m both How’s liege and his fellow General. And because we’re leaving the pomp of the holy city where formality precedes reality, I gave him a new permission. “General, until this campaign ends, you’re free to call me ‘General.’” “As you wish, General” and he pretended not to laugh at that. Pretended. It was hard. 

We took How’s personal vehicle, a truck that’s in need of a wash, flying small pennants of the Imperial Army on the front, down to the closest Upper Ring monorail station. With us came a small entourage of his healers and the rest of his personal guards. His personal guard wears fancy green capes with the Earth Empire’s national emblem in the middle. I also wore a cape, one of many I could’ve chosen, a cape with the Imperial Sigil in the middle. Their fanciness mimicked his. His personal guard shares the same small beard that he has and they wear nicer variants of the standard issue Imperial Army conical hat. A dark green rim with a small golden tipped pin on top. When we got to the monorail station, we were greeted by the same Imperial Guard that were deployed there last time. Still standing there, now the mild -to me its mild- predawn winds can lightly tickle them. Lots of “Ten Thousand Years” were shouted and I got on _How_ ’s personal choice of carriage since there’s an entire depot here. Gongs, horns, all those other things, and next thing I knew the carriage was kick-started and I’m surrounded by a bunch of strange men I don’t know, Water Tribe women with braided hair, and Suki. 

Our carriage stopped at what must’ve been one station later. “Here we are, the Imperial Army of the Center” and he brought his hands out to embrace an entire procession. He hopped off first and we were overtaken with lots of “Its General How!”s and affiliated “Yeah!”s. Then I got off and was greeted with even more fanatical shouting as thousands of eyes looked at me for...guidance? I have no idea. “Let’s go kick Nan Day into the sea!” was my that-moment inspired call to arms. And of course, it earned cheers of “Ten Thousand Years!” So I took my platoon of bodyguards, _and Suki_ , and their banners, and followed the wave of taunting-minor-ethnic-groups that was formerly known as General How and his guards. He led me to “the officer’s cabin!” and yes, everything he said was a _shout_ because that man’s got some mighty chords. _Note, the entire Imperial Army High Command does except for Jun because he’s busy drinking tea_ . _And sometimes Song, because Song doesn’t need to impress anyone._

I went inside and my first thought was _this cabin’s as lavish as ours_ and my second was _so when are we leaving_ ? I refrained from the first and asked “when are we leaving, General?” but was responded with a loud horn blasting and the sound of the ground beneath me moving. He walked through a doorway and “we don’t wait around, _General_ ” and he personally carried in a barrel of what I must assume is some strong stuff. “Which region was turned to rubble to get you this, General?” I asked, tapping my knuckles on the barrel. “A bunch of Yankou who tried to harass the river trade of the Bianjing River. They thought I didn’t have earthbenders in my army. Then I showed up and” he grabbed a cushion and “ripped ‘em in half!” and he ripped it in half. _Okay then. I appreciate the drama as much as you do but was that absolutely necessary? Maybe. Probably._ I sat down next to that cushion and pondered what kind of madman I was going off to fight with. “General, you don’t look _pumped_ ! Are you not _pumped_ enough?!” the _pumped_ General asked while pouring a cup of whatever this alcoholic product was into a goblet that was decorated with the Earth Empire’s coin in a patterned style. “I’m quite pumped” I said, not quite pumped. “His Imperial Majesty hasn’t had breakfast yet” Suki aptly pointed out. So some soldiers went and brought me breakfast. “Just give me whatever the soldiers are eating” was my request. So I was granted a bowl of rice. A piping hot bowl of rice. Why what they’re eating? I’m just a soldier. I may be the _Emperor_ , but I’m as prone to death as they are. I deserve to be fed like them. I just happen to be the Emperor and they soldiers. We’re still the same. _Thanks, Kyoshi’s Ethics_. 

As we circled _around_ the Imperial Palace, going off towards the east-northeast, the Sun showed up. And by showed up I mean it rose and gave me temporary blindness in my good eye and had no effect in the eyepatch-covered cavity of my other eye. I downed my rice and made sure my dozen men and one woman were fed before finally considering _hey, maybe we should plan this one._ So I approached General How, who was having a good time eating his braised turtle-duck, _the men aren’t eating that_ , and asked “can we plan this operation?” He put down his food and responded with an eager “sure.” So he had a soldier bring him a localized map while he cleared a table of fancy pottery and obtained some paperweights to hold the map down upon. 

The following is the order of battle for all troops mustered -this preceded the military planning and was noted for mutual knowledge so we’d be able to reference the same forces- for The Imperial Campaign Against Rebels on Nan Day Island, as it is formally known and documented onto records sent back to the capital:

The Imperial Army of the Center, led by General How: 

-The First Division, formed and garrisoned in the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se, led by Lieutenant General Kuon. The First Brigade, but only five of ten infantry regiments mustered, the Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth and Tenth. In addition, one Tank Company and one Artillery Battalion, the First Artillery Regiment, were mustered. 

_Note: All Upper Ring Regiments bear the prefix “Empress’s Own”, so the Sixth Regiment would be the “Empress’s Own Sixth Regiment”. This is in honor of their proximity to the Imperial Palace._

-The Nanshi Division, comprising the northern half of the Middle Ring, led by Lieutenant General Xie. He led the Third Brigade, ten infantry regiments, Twentieth through Twenty-Ninth, two Tank Companies and another Artillery Battalion, the Third Artillery Regiment.

-The Liuxiayu Division, covering the southern half of the Middle Ring, led by Lieutenant General Jai. The Second Brigade, ten infantry regiments, Tenth through Nineteenth, two Tank Companies and an Artillery Battalion, the Second Artillery Regiment. 

_Note: Between the two Middle Ring Divisions, we had about twenty thousand standing forces. There’s also dozens of district-sized regiments that were not mustered due to a ‘lack of need’ according to How. In total, The Middle Ring could supply us forty thousand soldiers and that’s just standing armies._

-The Fourth Division, covering the eastern ‘thinner’ stretch of the Lower Ring, led by Lieutenant General Feng-Fang. The Fourth Brigade, ten regiments, Thirtieth through Thirty-Ninth. One Tank Battalion, the ‘Emerald’ Battalion, and two Artillery Battalions, the Fourth and Fifth Regiments. This region, the smallest of the Lower Ring Divisions, has one hundred thousand able bodied soldiers but only ten thousand were mustered. 

-The Mengxiang Division under Lieutenant General Hongji. Of this, two Brigades. The Binhai and Tianjin. Each brought ten infantry regiments, the First through Tenth Binhai and First through Tenth Tianjin, respectively. Two Tank Battalions to either brigade, the Xiqing and Binhai to the Binhai Brigade and the Kojiki and Tianjin to the Tianjin, respectively. Finally, Two Artillery Battalions to either brigade, the First and Second Xiqing to Binhai and the First and Second Kojiki to the Tianjin, respectively. At one hundred thousand to either brigade, this region is the third most populous in terms of standing forces.

Other Lower Ring Divisions were _not_ mustered. In total, General How requisitioned most of Ba Sing Se’s monorail network to send approximately seventy thousand troops, not counting individual vehicles or war machines, to the Hequcun Gate of Ba Sing Se. I don’t know how many monorails exist in Ba Sing Se and How mentioned that most of the forces were brought to the staging ground of their own accord with How personally travelling with the First Division. 

Finally, the Army of the Center’s Nongchang Air Division under Colonel Muneie was mustered in its entirety. It contains one hundred of the latest IAC Mark Two Biplane models and supposedly a hundred brave souls willing to fly the Toph-hated things. Upon asking General How, yes, I can take one of those flying death machines into the air and maybe blow something up with it. If I wanted to. 

As we sailed over the Agrarian Zone, it occured to me that this is my first time going this far north in my - _not mine, Toph’s-_ own capital city. It’s the same endless expanse of farmlands, but the towns -arguably military bases with towns built around them- our monorail was traveling over felt quite new to my eyes. They had the same green roofs and gold inlays and I spotted more than one group of people kowtowing towards a portrait, surely the portrait of the young woman currently having a good nap, while a man dressed as an Earth Sage delivered a prayer-speech. I finished up my breakfast just in time for the Outer Wall to come into view. _By Kyoshi we’re going fast._

I happened to be in the carriage just behind the front carriage, so I got the privilege to stop _inside_ the train station. The Imperial Guards garrisoning this section of the wall must’ve been surprised to see a “one hundred carriage long carriage”, as How stated, show up at their boring little station that never has activity. When How delivered a set of papers that still bore fresh stamp ink, the Imperial Guard looked at him, then over towards the carriage whereupon I waved my hand about and shouting “yes!” which earned laughter from Suki because “they can’t hear you, you know”. _Yes Sukes, I know. I’m having fun_ . The Imperial Guard proceeded to _slam_ that gate open and pull out their _daos_ , thrust them towards the ceiling, and shout “Ten Thousand Years”. Some of the less-serious ones waved their hand in a ‘let’s go’ motion while shouting various compliments and cheers for us, _they were hard to hear_ , and taunts for the enemy’s ears, _the enemy probably didn’t hear them_. Nan Day Island was about to face some seventy thousand well-trained men and all their artillery and tanks and pieces of technology that our ‘throw gold at the wall’ policy has ensured they have.

A _fen_ later, we were in the commandery Taizigou. Rolling hills with groves of evergreens near and far. Lakes were spread all around, as is customary for what are known as the ‘highlands’ of the Empire. The Beidiqiu Plains are the official name for the region that stretches from the Shannan River -the border with Dongfang- all the way over to the Northern Air Temple’s foothills. This sight of evergreens in place of hardwoods and lakes in place of riverbeds is commonplace to these peoples. They are also hit with early winters and great tempests that harass sailors of the Sunrise Sea, which wash the Liaoyang Coast and break before reaching the Outer Wall. 

It must be said that travelling such a little distance, we reached the capital of Ni’an by some time after noon, from the ‘center’ of the Earth Empire to an ocean, the Sunrise Sea, is...an extremely unique feeling. Anywhere else save for this small stretch of coast, we’d travel day and night and day and night and day and night to reach the water. Furthermore, the ‘Army of the Center’ needs only travel past one Wall to reach the frigid northeast of the Empire. It could be argued that our capital is misplaced, but try telling me -or anyone else that- and one would be executed for some crime I don’t know the name of. A long dead king from a likely extinct line of monarchs decided our capital would be where it was. On the helpful side, it’s far from any conflict. There have never been any wars in Ba Sing Se. Except for all the peasant rebellions and the time the Dragon, Iroh, and the Dragon, Druk, showed up. 

The town of Ni’an seemed unassuming at first. From a distance it looks like every other town we passed on our way. Like Junli, a town which was within my eyesight for a grand total of half a _dian._ Unlike other towns in the Empire, this one has a...special feature, let's call it. There are no two story buildings. Everything is made with steep pitched roofs. Even the temple, which normally would be a three to seven story structure, is one story tall and in place of a pagoda, has a pitched roof. This is the result of the high winds. Many of the structures are made of the soil they were built on. Houses built out of mounds. Surely they had real supports and maybe even real houses, they were just tucked behind the smooth mound coverings. The other special quality of Ni’an is that for two _li_ around the town, a massive army encampment was, well, encamped. Other monorails which had travelled through other gates and got here before we did. Regular citizens of Ba Sing Se would have to walk to work today but the Imperial Army needs to show off how big and menacing it is to go stomp some island of probably ten thousand people, _tops_ , into dust. 

Our train carriage stopped along the coast to the southeast of the town. One of the first things I noticed was a multi-story statue right on the edge of the water. It sat on a hill and, as previously mentioned, is an oddity in a town of such low one-story structures. So while a man in Magistrate’s clothes announced the arrival of myself and “the Army of the Center that has come to free us!” earning a large crowd of peasants and their applause and also kowtows _because no kowtows means no head_ , I wandered over to this statue. Suki gave chase and thankfully for us the crowd got out of our way to let the two Kyoshi Islanders visit, in Suki’s words, “I think this is the farthest in all Four Nations we could go from Kyoshi Island.” This is due to Taizigou being on the northeastern tip of the Empire, which is far further to travel to by land or boat than the North Pole. _I speak from experience._

A man dressed as an Earth Sage _popped out_ from behind the statue of...a man dressed as an Earth Kingdom soldier holding another man’s decapitated head by his hair. “Your Majesty!” the Earth Sage and his elderly voice proclaimed while he got into a kowtow. I asked “What is this?” with a tone of interest while Suki looked around probably wondering _‘are there any other surprises waiting in store for us?’_ . A different old man from somewhere in the distance was announcing a prayer, something something “blessing on Her Imperial Majesty”’ something something “Ten Thousand Years” and maybe something about fine whiskey. Then _this_ old man spoke up.

“This is the Statue of Kun and I am the Sage charged with defending, protecting and maintaining it” he started. _Yes. Who is Kun and why do I care?_ To answer my own thoughts, I care because this statue looks amazing and is better maintained than most. _If visiting the Fire Nation taught me anything, the Fire Lords liked statues, too. Though the ones of Ozai were always far more dramatic than the real man. Statue Ozai was compensating for what real Ozai lacked in size. Namely pant size. Sadly in this case, I speak from experience. He happened to be fighting that day wearing just pants, showing that pants are the most important article of clothing, so that means his Royal Pants are...somewhere._ Suki did some kind of hand-wave in front of me to remind me to stop thinking about the size of Fire Lord Ozai’s pants. Not that she knew that, she just wanted my one-eyed attention.

I asked “Who is Kun?” because I don’t know who Kun is. The Sage was emboldened with happiness, the face of someone who _wanted_ to educate others and now got to educate the Empress’s personal pillow. _Okay he doesn’t see me as that. Something more epic like ‘educate the legendary One-Eyed Badgermole_ ’. “Kun killed the last of the Sikuk Chiefs in a duel.” _Oh good, some mythology._ “Who are these Chiefs and…” I paused to ponder if I had better things to do with my time, “what’s the significance of all this?” I’d get both inquiries answered.

“Long ago, Your Majesty, before the age of Avatar Kyoshi, the Northern Water Tribe was an expansionist regime.” _In other words, before the age of the person who fixed everyone’s problems. Back when things were difficult and chaos reigned. Or something_ . “A Chief bearing the dynasty name of Sikuk expanded the Tribe’s domained by attacking the entire coast.” I interrupted the exposition to ask “You don’t know his first name?” and the Sage shook his head. Suki waved him on since she had the face of a curious schoolchild. “Over the next hundred years, the Water Tribe’s attacks spread out.” Suki raised her hand with a question. The Sage paused and recognized one of two active individuals -the Imperial Guards are just stones- with a “Yes, my lady?” and Suki asked “If that’s the case, did they set up Colonies?” He shook his head. “No, my lady, they set up raiding camps to loot and pillage our towns.” _Ah, so whereas the Fire Nation wisely saw the use in establishing Colonies to make best use of resources and tame the wilderness, the Water Tribes prove their backwards nonsensical sister-marrying selves once again._ “They were able to mount surprise attacks using the Moon and their fast cutters. Our local garrisons fought valiantly-” I interrupted him, “You mean they were incompetent and got destroyed by dumb” and Suki covered her mouth to hide her giggling. The Sage continued. “-The garrisons were defeated. We called on the Earth King for aid, but he never delivered.” Suki raised her hand again. “Yes, my lady?” he even _pointed_ at her. “Why wouldn’t he deliver aid,” she turned to me while saying the second half of the question “aren’t we just north of the capital?” “We are, and…” _think, why wouldn’t he send aid?_ , “...chances are the Earth King didn’t send aid because he was either busy eating expensive food, busy learning to multiply with his concubines, busy killing his illegitimate children, or…maybe, he didn’t see the value in defending a mineral-poor commandery that seems to export just lumber.” I turned to the Sage, he was somewhat confused by my Toph-inspired honesty, then I turned back to Suki. “From what little I’ve-” I pointed at my eyepatch emblazoned with the Imperial Sigil, “- _seen_ , the Earth Kings had to make choices over which land they’d have to defend.” _Don’t mention the Empire. We’re totally capable of handling everything at all times. Yup. That’s how we maintain our legitimacy. It’s not like we are forced to choose between Huizhou or anywhere more important. I mean, we haven’t. Yet. But the time will come. Because this is the Empire and someone’s always rebelling somewhere._

As is common in the history of the Kingdom, it came down to a local to save them all. We had Kyoshi step in and kick some justice into the Yokoyans. Earth King Huang comes to mind for a continent-wide figure who could unife the many peoples. In the case of Taizigou, and the greater Beidiqiu region -which was the primary ‘civilized’ area affected by these raids- the Sage explained that “When all hope was lost, the hero that stepped in to save us was named Kun.”

Suki asked “What’s his story and the story behind the statue?” with the tone of a passionately curious schoolgirl while I pretended to go along with her. _Do I really care? No. Not really. But I like my cousin and seeing her get happy about learning folk history makes me smile. It may or may not be illegal for others to see the Emperor smiling and I don’t think I care enough to execute anyone right now. Also, Sukes is happy. Go you, Sukes._ “Kun was a commoner who grew up as a goat-sheep shepherd. When winter came again, the Water Tribe came south on it’s raids. The heavy snows that burden us assisted them. This expedition of theirs went further than any before and they were numbered more than any previous host.” _Always with the romantic retelling of history._ “Our forces weren’t armed lik the Royal Army.” _He means the Earth King’s Royal Army._ “We were armed with spears and slingers and a couple earthbenders.” Suki then asked “So how did the duel take place?” and the Sage beamed with happiness. “The Sikuk Chief came ashore and was challenged to a duel _by Kun_ .” This was when the Sage brought out his _Dramatic. Storyteller. Voice_ . “On one side, the Water Tribe shieldwalls straight from legend. On the other, commoners like-” he _almost_ said ‘you and I’ and while he _would_ be correct, _Sukes and I are just Sukes and I_ , he’d also get executed for derogatory comments, calling the Emperor and his Captain ‘commoners’. Because there’s no such thing as a mess up in a speech, no, he _intended_ to ‘insult’ us. Therefore, his head. _Anyways_ . He caught himself before the slip up and continued. “The other side was made of locals, men and women of the forests and fields and coast. Four different cultures from the corners of the commandery gathered together. We were barely scraped together.” Then he caught himself in the act of _boring us all_ with his dramatic retelling and pointed at a small stone pillar erected near the statue. Unnoticable unless pointed out. “There’s a song that summarizes the engagement, since…” he stuttered, “...Your Majesty has a penchant for the arts.” _I do not. Unless you mean the art of art-chery. Or the art of winning battles. Or the art of having friends. Or the art of being good at giving massages to earthbending prodigies who double as monarchs._

I walked over to the statue and started reading from the lyrics. They were as followed.:

_Once on a hill a boy had a dream_

_Kun the fisher asleep by a stream_

_Soldiers were cheering and calling his name_

_Kun left his home and a soldier he became_

_Down on the coast the army stood still_

_Everyone watching a man on the hill_

_Soldiers were trembling and saying his name_

_Kun was a boy but a soldier he became_

_The Sikuk the mighty, alone on a hill_

_Shouting his name to the town he would kill_

_Kun came running and shouting his name_

_Kun was a boy but a soldier he became_

_Soldiers looked down from the west to the east_

_Kun the fisher, Sikuk the beast_

_Kun alone with the beast he must tame_

_Just a fisher boy but a soldier he became_

_Kun stood waiting, a boy on his own_

_Fastened his sling and picked up a stone_

_Struck down the Sikuk, his blood ran like rain_

_Kun was a boy but a soldier he became_

“The song inspires us all day and night, Your Majesty” the Sage affirmed. He meant it. “Up to the present and going forward, the tale of Kun has always made Taizigou-ers motivated to join the Earth King’s Royal Army. Your Majesty, Taizigou-ers have participated in campaigns against every group of invaders and raiders for the past six hundred years.” Again, he meant it. And when I say ‘meant’ I don’t mean in a smooth-talking bribe sense. He had pride for his fellow locals. From somewhere in the back of my mind, I recall that Taizigou has a small standing army in the mid thousands. A large number considering most of this land is just tundra or evergreen forest. _I_ would live here. Most would not. 

Suki cheerfully jumped in yelling, somewhat excited, somewhat Suki, “I think I know this song! Whistle the tune, please?” The Sage obeyed and began whistling it. _Right, right, of course, I need to learn to whistle._ Once he was done, the two of us looked at Suki and her rosy cheeks of happiness. “I _do_ know this song.” Then she grabbed my shoulder. “ _You,_ ” she pointed at my chest, “have a song written by Aoma about the duel with Shinji to this tune.” _Of course I do._ I backed up and dramatically pointed back at her. “I don’t want to hear it right now, thanks Sukes.” She made the ‘aww’ noise of disappointment. Clearly, if _Aoma_ wrote it, it either doubles as a love ballad for me, _because I’m definitely going to sing your love ballads to Toph,_ or it has something funny -perhaps _‘Just a tree boy but a soldier he became’_ \- in it. I didn’t want to hear it because one, it likely uses my birth name not my granted title which is forbidden for others save Toph -obviously- Suki and a few others to hear and two, I’m not that keen on such persona-inflating music.

I was compelled by circumstance to wonder if, _long after my generation and I have wilted away and our records etched into the histories, will I be granted ballads like ‘The Tale of Kun?’ The answer is yes. Will I be granted ballads about my previous fights, the one I shall embark on, and the ones I will participate in the future assuming I survive this? Yes. It’ll tell a story of how I and ten nobodies volunteered to stand against the entire Royal Fire Army. Instead of Toph practicing Neutral Jing, she would be practicing mortal peril and would live if I won. Or something. The story will likely tell of how the ten other volunteers died and I ended up fighting Shinji with, let’s go with my bare knuckles. I’ll kill him and lose the eye in some heroic fashion instead of the truth of me being careless and drunk and not knowing when to maintain my distance. Decapitating him would result in the entire army routing instead of the truth of decapitating him making only the men in his vicinity flee. My sole act would be what won the battle, not the reality of the Imperial Guards rushing forward to fill the gap in the wall, then reinforcements rushing inside to win a surprise assault on the engineers and defenders. Some blew apart the machines, some dug trenches to the sides of the Drill to prevent it’s locking mechanism from working. Because fiction and me being the sole victor is more interesting than the truth of a victory won on the backs of nameless balladless heroes with I acting as a small part of the greater achievement. Because fiction and folktales are simply more inspiring and motivating._

_This Sage is retelling a dramatized story. Of course he is. Kun probably killed someone near the Sikuk Chief, or, sure, maybe he did duel the man and win. But, just as I was not a simple bowfisher when I killed Shinji, this Kun was not a mere fisher. I’d be willing to put gold on the metaphorical table and bet that he was given adequate training. I doubt he was a mere ‘boy’, either. I was a boy, too. Fifteen, right? Aside from the standard martial training all are given, how to hold a spear, how to spear a man, and so on, I had Suki and the other Kyoshi Warriors as my martial tutors. They taught me hand-to-hand combat, they taught me how to wield a blade, they taught me how to get back up after being knocked down and hit back, harder. Shirahaman native Garrison Officer Lee enhanced that training with more advanced lessons on my blade of choice, the jian. Agile and sharp. Perfect for my build._

_Reality put all of this training to the test. Defending a prodigy when she couldn’t be one. The time with the dice. The dice. They were bad men even before the game. They were bad men before the, what, thirteen year old, arrogantly said ‘You can do whatever you want...if I lose. If.’ They were bad men when she stuck her tongue out at them to dare them. And so, she manipulated the stone table to win her dice. She cheated them out of their gold. They had eyes and saw that. They caught her out on the lie and one kicked her backwards and onto the wooden floor. The two of them pondered ‘what they’d like to do’ while the third held me back. They thought and thought and before they could act on their...thinking...one had a blade sticking out of his throat, the second was grabbing his weapon and the third fell over from being elbowed in the face. The second tried to axe the prodigy lying on the wooden floor and instead had a blade cutting into his skull. The third begged for mercy and I gave him Kyoshi’s mercy for what they wanted to do. He lost his hands. Then his feet. Then I followed Lee’s advice for gutting a deer-rabbit and cut him from waist to neck. I spent the rest of the night trying to explain why Toph should never do that again and what they wanted from us. I couldn’t explain it...fully, but she seemed to get the message. That was the last time she ever cheated anyone out of gold._

How’s voice interrupted me to remind me that there’s a war to be had. “General! Let’s get to breaking some heads!” and he roared for good measure. I returned to reality to see a column of Imperial Army soldiers, wearing clean clothes and dark-rimmed conical hats -earthbenders- marching towards the coast. As I ran over, I asked “General? We’re moving out?” “Indeed. I want a landing on Nan Day by _tonight_ .” and when we stopped, he pointed at the, _wait, that’s the island?,_ a piece of rock that stuck out from the tip of the horizon. _There’s no way twenty thousand people live on that_. He waved a soldier over, who proceeded to give me a regional map that flapped in the breeze. An island ten times the size of Kyoshi Island with one town, a temple-village and some minor hamlets. 

The soldiers formed into what would be defined as a column and endlessly marched past. A hornman blasted his horn and like _that_ , a cadence began. I asked him “Your men sing?” while rolling up the map and tying up my cape so it doesn’t break free and fly off into the west. “Sing?” and he leaned back and yelled “Ha! No man alive can dare beat the Army of the Center! We spent three _dian_ practicing singing every day!” He pulled a green fan out of his waist -ceremonial and doubles to order troops around- and snapped it open. He waved the fan and the column that extended from all the way to the left to all the way to the right -I know, how specific- stopped. “Men! Sing a song for the Emperor!” and I spotted the Imperial Army soldiers. They smiled. They looked _forward_ to this. _Oh no_. They didn’t turn to the right to look me in the one good eye, but I could tell they were jovial. 

_Red is the Banner and Black the Dra-gon_

_That want to take the Badgermole Throne_

_But from the Dongfang to the Mo Ce Sea_

_Earth Army is the strongest of all!_

_Let the Great Earth Army_

_Take on it's campaign_

_A dao with its war-hardened hand,_

_And now we must all_

_Unstopped by their flames_

_March into one last deadly stand!_

_Imperial Army, march! march! forward!_

_His Majesty leads us from the front!_

_But from the Dongfang to the Mo Ce Sea_

_Earth Army is the strongest of all!_

_Let the Great Earth Army_

_Take on it's campaign_

_A dao with its war-hardened hand,_

_And now we must all_

_Unstopped by their flames_

_March into one last deadly stand!_

_The Great Earth Army marches to campaign!_

_Freeing the loyal and the oppressed!_

_But from the Dongfang to the Mo Ce Sea_

_Earth Army is the strongest of all!_

_Let the Great Earth Army_

_Take on it's campaign_

_A dao with its war-hardened hand,_

_And now we must all_

_Unstopped by their flames_

_March into one last deadly stand!_

_Let the Great Earth Army_

_Take on it's campaign_

_A dao with its war-hardened hand,_

_And now we must all_

_Unstopped by their flames_

_March into one last deadly stand!_

_And now we must all_

_Unstopped by their flames_

_March into one last deadly stand!_

I must say, _this_ song is a song I could march into fire for.

This is a song that could make me fight tenfold as strong.

This is a song that got _my_ blood pumping. The fervor of as each column in near total sync punched the air with their _dao_ blades. Their chanting of "March! March!" during the first and third line of each stanza. 

I will not die today, but when I confront a battle I will not win, a battle where I will fall, let it be with an army of _dao_ punching soldiers at my back chanting so powerfully, so ferociously, that we turn from men into Spirits.

They repeated this full song, on and on, a cycle of cries and shouts, as they marched down towards the docks and the coast, where a grand fleet of dozens of cruisers and countless junks awaited our call to move out. That tiny island’s about to face but _part_ of the might of a _one_ battle-hardened Imperial Army. 

Seventy thousand men and all our machines against a couple islander rebels. 

_Let’s d_ _o this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we actually invade Nan Day.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for People Becoming Soldiers Who Are Also Possibly Named Kun:  
> -The Longpao is the 'Dragon Robe', or the standard dress of the Qing Emperors. Earth King Kuei from canon (and this drunken nonsense) wears one of these.  
> -Some of the 'named weapons' Mori references are based on real folk weapons, some I made up. Some you've already met, some you will meet. I won't reveal which is which.  
> -Daily reminder, Aang, Katara and Sokka, and Zuko and Mai have their own stories going on. I won't divulge the details because it'd ruin the restrictions this POV has and I'm not going to invent a second POV unless it's for very specific circumstances.  
> -Mori is still quite young to be a leader. I suppose the Young Conqueror trope applies to him quite well. It's hard to subvert it because 1) this is a world with strangely powerful teenagers (that I try to subvert) and 2) his preference is fighting and war and he's personally quite tall and well-built because of training. That said, if you've been reading up until now (thanks! someone saw these words!) you'd know that he's earned his military victories.  
> -Yes, the Imperial Army of the Center can muster overnight. The hundred-thousand strong army is a standing army (that is, they aren't raised/levied from the commoners). Cite this ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_number_of_military_and_paramilitary_personnel ), specifically the 'active military' section. 
> 
> On the size of the Imperial Army:  
> -As the Empire is based on late-Qing era China with more population (it's a whole continent, not a single country), I'd guess roughly 400 million people on the low end and up to 600 on the high end. Many millions were likely lost in the Hundred Year War, but considering most of the Fire Nation's advances were montane wilderness (like Makapu) and that the Colonies didn't advance beyond the western coast, we can guess that a large number of possible deaths became refugees.  
> -Qing China maintained an army of about* a million strong. As such, we can calculate that 1/300 - 1/400 of the Empire is the military.  
> -*Due to a lack of comprehensive records (from the Qing side) from wars such as the Taipeng Rebellion, we don't know exact numbers. The best western guesses and what little we did put together say that the Eight Banners numbered in the low hundreds of thousands and the Green Standard numbered in the high hundreds of thousands. It's quite possible the Green Standard (which were woefully incompetent) numbered in the single digit millions.  
> -With the previous statements put together, the STANDING* Imperial Army is anywhere between < one million strong (low population, low proportion of soldiers) to up to two million strong (high population and 1/300 or 1/400).  
> -Please note, our modern armies aren't reputable for proportions. Modern countries with one exception (North Korea) are all-in-all far more demilitarized than their predecessors a hundred years ago.  
> -The highest number of active military personnel per 1000 people is North Korea with 50 active per 1000 (but with a massive 7.79 million military force including active, reserve and paramilitary bringing the total proportion up to 300 per 1000).  
> -North Korea is a window into yesteryear, with paramilitaries being akin to the levied populus. Levied, not forced conscription.  
> -The STANDING Imperial Army is likely around a million strong. The TOTAL Imperial Army (counting muster-able levies) could be anywhere between 10 and 100 million strong. This large number does not reflect the active strength as most of this number are peasants who would have to be called to a barracks and given armor and a weapon.  
> -Side note/headcanon: With an army that large, it would explain why the Fire Nation couldn't make much headway in the Hundred Year War. If you're going up against 10 million men, you can't progress. Granted, their incompetency means they can't mount successful grand offensives, but it would cause a stalemate.  
> \-----------------------------  
> -Ozai's statue pants were larger and more embellished than Ozai's actual pants. There's some symbolism about monarchs there.  
> -Kun's song is based on a song I forgot the name of, but it told the story of David versus Goliath. And yes, the original lyrics included the final-line-of-the-stanza repetition and the double use of 'beast' in the penultimate stanza.  
> -Mori hates dramatized stories because they're fantasy, folktales. Everyone's taught that the hero gets the maiden, but reality is always far different.  
> -The Northern Water Tribe's raids will return. Likewise, future chapters will tales of Mori and Toph before they became monarchs.  
> -The second song is Red Army is the Strongest (or White Army, Black Baron) with changed lyrics. ( https://youtu.be/R8f6Mhe7_Nw ) for what you can read along to.


	34. All Day Nan Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Imperial Army captures an island in a single day, officially. Unofficially, it's the land of the Midnight Sun so it takes more than one.  
> But the records will say it takes one. And the records are canon.  
> Ten Thousand Years to the definitely-not-propaganda!

Chapter One Hundred:

“Let’s go, Mengxiangers! I want  _ all  _ troops embarked by nightfall and that includes you!” General How shouted from atop his self-made hill-platform thing. Suki and I were busy lying on the grass like teenagers. ...Well we  _ are  _ teenagers. We were lying on the grass like a pair of teenagers, gazing up but not directly at the sun. “Suki?” I asked, turning my head to my left. “Yes?” the young woman reached as far back behind her as she could. I asked “How far north are we?” while pointing at the moderately-high-but-not- _ above- _ us sun. “We’re pretty far north.” She didn’t use titles, but that’s okay since she’s Suki and titles aren’t needed. “I know we’ve been further north before but...does it ever strike you how weird it is...?” I trailed off. “Weird  _ what  _ is?” she asked, unsure of what I was trying to say and also unable to read my mind. “Back home, the Sun was never...I don’t know... _ that  _ high towards the south, right?” and I felt somewhat nauseous because...the Sun is higher than it should be. Which is weird, right? She counter-asked “We’re looking south, right?” while resting on her hands. I wagged my toes, though due to the thick leather boots I am issued, she couldn’t see the wagging toes. I explained to the best of my knowledge that “Our feet are south, our hair is north.” “Yeah, it’s noon and the Sun is...high. But it’s high in the south. It’s not  _ supposed  _ to be high in the south.” Suki slowly put the words together and I got the hunch it felt weird to her, too. “Yeah” I said, and yes that’s one stupid word, but that’s the right word for the right time. 

I tried to remember a specific saying from my ancestor. I wasn’t able to. So I looked at my cousin, whose hair was intertwining with the moss below us, and asked “What was Great-grandma’s old saying about the seasons and the Sun? Something high, something summer?” Suki, being far wiser than I, replied “Low sun, no sun; the summer and the winter. One begins as the other ends.” I pretended I knew what I was talking about when I recalled the meaning of it. “Right. Something about perpetual harmony?” The truth is, deep down, I remember hearing  _ something  _ about harmony. She giggled. “This is why you should attend classes more.” and she took a half- _ fen  _ to slow her giggles down.  _ Well then. If you’re an expert,  _ “What did she say about the summers?” “Great-grandma used to say” and she summoned the crotchety voice of our great-grandmother, “‘the Earth Kingdom is like the seasons, you see.” Then she tapped the ground like great-grandmother tapping her old rocking chair. “The Sun reigns over all half the year and it’s gone the next. The Kingdom was long united once, just like the midnight Sun. Then it divided, just like the long winter with no Sun. But just as winter becomes summer once more-’” Suki coughed, mimicking our ancestor’s coughing fits, “‘-so to the Kingdom will become one, once again.’” This was one of the many sayings we used to grow up hearing. Coughs and chair-taps included. “Suki, didn’t she say something like that...the night, you know,  _ that _ night?” and I watched Suki tear up just a little bit. “Yeah…” she wiped her cheek and said  _ the  _ saying. “Long united, must divide; long divided, must unite…” she paused to wipe her cheek again. “Thus it was. Thus it ever will be.” That was the saying. I still knew it by heart.. Then I rolled over and “you need this,” I took my arm and laid it out on the ground. She rolled into the arm and we hugged.  _ Great-grandma left us too soon.  _ She was far closer to Great-grandma than I was, but there are still times I wish I had a hundred and ten year old to guide us.

For the sake of the Imperial Archivists: Lady Koko the Fifth as she was officially known was the last person who remembered Tao the First, grandson of Kyoshi. Tao was...thirty when Kyoshi died. Long enough to learn everything she knew. Koko the Fifth was twenty when her great-grandfather died. Of course, her grandmother Toshi and mother Koko could’ve also been links between Tao and the future. Sadly, both died before their time, making Koko the Fifth, at the age of forty, the last surviving link between our founder -through Tao- and the oncoming generations. And Suki and I had the...humbling...privilege to be tutored by her personally. She died when I was...seven? Six? I don’t remember exactly when, but it was in the late winter season.

She was around one hundred and ten when she died. I remember that night. She demanded we remember the second half of the saying. This half: “Long united, must divide. Long divided, must unite. Thus it was. Thus it ever will be.” She kept questioning us and the other children until we recited it from our memory. Then she wished us all a good evening, as she normally did, and walked off to bed, still retaining the movements of someone sixty years her junior. She never woke up. She died, peacefully. She’s buried near the Shrine of Kyoshi, next to her older siblings -all of whom died young- and her parents. They were buried next to their siblings and parents. Each one had a small tombstone and shrine dedicated to the individuals’ personal achievements. Even if they died young, they were remembered and we were told to remember their best traits. Bravery, courage, determination, longevity, a good death, and others. I don’t remember how long Suki and I spent hugging in memory of her. Suki whispered “It’s just us. Us, baby Sai, and Oyaji. That’s it.” And she was right. It was just us. The rest of the official Line of Kyoshi had died off. 

“General!” How yelled while  _ stomping _ , emphasis on the quaking motion of it, over to the two of us. I lifted my head off Suki’s -I took off my Imperial Helmet when first lying down- and looked up at General How. “I’m sorry to break up the loving relationship the two of you have, but Your Majesty’s float-biplane is ready.” I smiled like a kid who just took the last piece of cake but was pretending he didn’t and I rolled off Suki and her armor and knocked over my helmet. “Give me a  _ fen _ , General” I picked up my hand to wave him away. “ _ General _ …” Suki said in that nagging, title-mocking, voice. “What?” I asked while she gave me this  _ you’ve got something on your face  _ look. “Do I have something on my face?” “Yes. Go check in that undisturbed pond” and she pointed at one of the many small ponds that scattered this area. If I looked just a bit southwest I’d see evergreen, conifer forests. But here? We’re  _ just  _ far north enough that it's tundra. And tundra means lakes, ponds, marshes and bogs,  _ lots of bogs _ , everywhere. I got up and went over to the nearest pond and looked at myself. 

_ Oh _ . I had a red-makeup kiss marked on one of my cheeks. My hair was  _ not  _ a mess because my queue prevents  _ most _ helmet hair. The helmet hair that is present can just be masked by, get this, the helmet. “Suki…” I balled my fist. “It was an accident!” and she  _ tried  _ her hardest to withhold giggling. I couldn’t help but mock my situation. “Are you leaving your boyfriend for… ruddier pastures?” I dipped my palm in the water, causing a small ripple to spread out.  _ Cool.  _ The water was cool. I wiped my face down. “I would never dare!” she said in a fake high-pitched voice. I walked over to her, she was still enjoying the mossy ground, and put a finger on her lips. “Shh, don’t tell Toph you’re stealing her Imperial Pillow.” and I couldn’t handle my pretend voice so I fell over and laughed. She laughed, too. “You were downgraded from Imperial Heirmaker?” she asked, pretending to sound really serious. “Do I  _ look  _ like an Imperial Heir-maker?” I responded in the same kind of pretend serious accent. “I don’t know,  _ Your Majesty _ , last time I checked you were possibly an adult.” Because I can’t let this mere slight pass, I swept her legs out from under her. She regained her footing like it was nothing because it was nothing. While doing so, I counter-quipped. “Right. And last time  _ I  _ checked, you groomed yourself to have hair in the shape of a fan.” “A Kyoshi Warrior until my last day!” and she pulled a fan out of her waistband and punched the air with it. “And unlike  _ you _ , I didn’t watch  _ you  _ get dressed.” She swept my legs out from under me and made me fall flat on my back. Then she tucked her fan back in her waistband. “You’re right,  _ General _ , you and I and the other Warriors went to a sauna together.” “Which is  _ normal  _ back home, may I remind you.” “Except,  _ General _ , we were not back ‘home’, were we?” and she pointed at the ground, then at her palm. I pointed southwest. “Ba Sing Se is my home.” Suki countered with “What you and I and the Warriors think is normal is not normal in Ba Sing Se.” I nodded, for she was correct, then let my finger run along until it pointed towards her. “That didn’t stop the rest of them from peer-pressuring you into joining us for a relaxing sauna experience.” She smiled shrewdly. “You’re right, that  _ didn’t  _ stop them from peer-pressuring me…  _ and you! _ , into joining them.” I put my hand on my chin. “Wait, Suki, are we blaming all of this on them?” She wagged her finger until she thought of someone to blame. “Aoma. She had the idea. It’s her fault for dragging the rest of the Warriors.” I continued where she left off. “Who then kicked my door open while I was practicing my blade work and dragged me over to ‘see’ something then, as a collective mass of duck-geese, quacked at me until I joined them.” “It’s your fault for  _ letting  _ them get away with it,  _ General _ .” In a high-pitched voice, “ _ How  _ is it my fault?” “You could tell your bodyguards that it was a bad idea.” “Suki, have you  _ ever  _ tried convincing your Warriors that, say it with me now… going out to a tavern, going to a theater, going to get hammered at a tavern or theater, going to a sauna, or going to a sauna while hammered… are bad ideas?” She slumped her shoulders. “No… you win. For now.” Then she punched the air with her fan, once again. “I’m girl enough to  _ admit  _ that I am proud of being a Kyoshi Warrior, though!” “Yes, Sukes, girl enough to have preferential grooming choices.” “Says the Emperor who-” Feeling quite particular about this, I cut her off. “If you mention  _ hair _ , I’m going to-” but then she cut me off, proudly declaring “A Kyoshi Warrior to my last day!” 

I put my hands on my hips and asked “If you’re proud of your hair and a Kyoshi Warrior, what does that make me?”. I know, I know, a random question to be sure. But inside my head, there was a connection between the two. She held back her laughter and said “The guy that’ll ensure the Earth Empire has a worthy successor” I feigned a nobleman’s voice. “Is that an honor?” She responded, seriously sarcastic, “I mean  _ you’re  _ the unlucky guy who has to actually...you know... _ conquer  _ that peak.” “Peak?” I questioned as I looked around at the flat plains, searching for one. “You know, like Mount Rangi” she said while watching me look confused. “Is this a callback I’m not getting?” I asked, trying to think where I’ve heard her use of that name before. Of course I knew who Rangi was but what did ‘conquering’ have to do with it? “You’ve got to do the whole...ahem,  _ heir  _ part of heir-making.” “Do I?” I said, like a kid who  _ really  _ didn’t want to clean the house because he wanted to go play with friends. “Unless you want the Empire to collapse after one generation, yes.” she responded, being  _ wise  _ in tone. And so thickly sarcastic you could scrape it off with a cake knife. “And you’re not in the same pressure?” I tried to throw the weight back on her. “Ha!  _ You’re  _ the Imperial Consort.” Then she shoved me. “Con _ sort _ !” “Now you’re sounding like-”  _ no, nobody’s around,  _ “-Toph.” and she burst into such grand laughter that she rolled over on her face. “Suki, I didn’t choose the job-” “No, no, you’re right” she now sounded much like her sometimes an idiot boyfriend, “the Earth Empress picked  _ you _ . Don’t you feel proud?”  _ Why of course I do, Suki. There is nothing that makes me happier.  _ “No.” I replied, pretending to be dour. Also known as being Mai. Suki rolled once more over herself and jumped up without using her hands. She walked over to me, leaned in, and took the back of my head in her hand. She turned me towards the southwest and the two of us looked that way. She even added in her free hand, pointing southwest to help. “One day, cousin, the sun will rise and a certain crazy Empress  _ will  _ want an heir. Or she’ll want some...ahem, fun. Lots of fun. Passionate fun.” and she slapped my shoulder with the back of her hand. I undid and redid my eyepatch. 

“And you know this from experience?” I offered the question while tying up my eyepatch. “I do.” she said like a  _ wise  _ prankster. “How?” “While  _ you  _ were off making friends with dinner, I was befriending and leading the Kyoshi Warriors. And those girls have a  _ lot  _ to talk about. Which boys they liked, which ones they didn’t, and of course, gossip.”  _ You know, I’m glad I spent as little time in the Town Hall as possible. I don’t think I missed much. Except mathematics class. _ I walked over to pick up my helmet and came up with a suitable reply. “I’ll be on campaign. She can’t tie me to a bedroom if I’m subjugating a commandery in the name of the Empress.” and I put the helmet on. “She  _ will  _ track you down and she  _ will  _ bury half the Empire in a rockalanche if she must” and Suki did a cartwheel because  _ why not _ . “Is that a joke? Are you joking?” I said, pretending to be scared, including the ‘oh no’ hands-raised-defensively part. But...I was also concerned. “No,  _ General _ -” she  _ had  _ to say that stressed, “-powerful earthbenders are known to destroy the earth they tread upon under emotional duress.”  _ That’s the flower-iest way of saying what you just said, Sukes. Credit to you.  _ “And you’re saying-” I looked up and saw some Imperial Guard watching us from about twenty paces away, “-the Empress would cause some...ahem, earthquakes?” and for some reason the way I said that made me genuinely concerned. Suki must’ve known this because she walked up to me and whispered into my ear “I don’t remember who Kyoshi slept with but he probably died” and she pulled out and screamed “So best of fortune,  _ Kyoshi _ ! May the Empress spare you in the bedroom! It’d be nice to keep you around!” and she swept my leg out from under me with her foot, catching me mid-way into the fall. Then she looked over at the two Guards who ate this up and were  _ not  _ laughing. Nope. They weren’t. 

“Sukes, why are you emotionally mature enough to discuss these matters?” “Because I am. Why are you emotionally mature enough to lead armies?” I shook my head slightly. “I’m... _ not _ ?” She let out a single loud “Ha!” I countered, pointing at her. “You’re the one who knows about all these flowery things, Sukes.” “You’re right,  _ General _ , I am. But I’ll never have to be fortunate enough to get killed by an emotional rockalanche.” Because my loyalty is second only to my lack of sanity, “It would be an honor, Sukes!” She broke into more laughter. “The man with no experience claiming it’s an honor?” Then she messed up part of my queue. “Don’t worry,  _ Kyoshi _ , I’ll get the other party up to speed.” “Do I want to know what that means?” “No, General, you don’t.” An aside, leaving Kyoshi Island meant I had to leave the comfortable... _ ahem _ , environment, where people casually discussed all kinds of matters. Ba Sing Se is about as far from this as possible, which just makes co-ed saunas between childhood friends stranger to them. Irony of ironies, Suki and I are quite casual about these matters since, as  _ one  _ of our ancestors, Koko the Fourth, said, ‘if you’re content with ending another’s life, then why is creating a life so hard to discuss?’.  _ Kyoshi Island is weird. Yes.  _ Meanwhile, the Imperial Guards  _ still  _ tried their hardest not to break into laughter. They tried and tried and failed. 

“General?” General How once again asked, returning over to the two of us and our  _ definitely not trying to have some fun, leave us alone How! time,  _ and he asked “What are your thoughts?” and gave us time to respond.  _ Take a few breaths. Stop laughing at the nonsense _ . Instead of taking time to respond, I blurted out my thoughts. “I am  _ ready  _ to die in my Heir-making Campaign! Ten Thousand Years!” I shouted at the top of my vocal capacity, causing Suki to try, really, really, hard not to break down laughing. “I didn’t know you were so  _ eager _ ” she cut the silence with witticisms. Sokkacisms? Sokkasms? Sokka-quips. Sokquips. Sockquips. Sock quilts. Socks. Then it hit me that  _ if Suki is complimenting me, that’s more of a Toph thing to do... _ but How didn’t seem to take heed, nor did he laugh at my statement. “I am sorry that Your Majesty has such desires so soon after departing, if you wish to go back to have them relieved-” I held up my hand and rejected his offer.  _ Oh yes, of course. Did you watch a Pu-On Tim play?  _ “No, no, sorry, I haven’t had enough to drink this morning. Get me a light ale? You couldn’t have said that any better, could you?” I asked the whole statement  _ nicely _ . Because,  _ please? I could do with one. Or two. Or three _ .  _ After that line, I think I could drink a whole ship of ale and still need more. _ He had this  _ uhhh  _ face which was strange for such a high-ranked official, but hey there’s a first for everything. “Does Your Majesty not want to go back?” he asked while a soldier from his personal retinue ran over to the basecamp, probably to retrieve the ale. Suki literally jumped in with a pre-thought-of statement. “Forgive him, he and I had a personal discussion where we disclosed our feelings.” and  _ that  _ didn’t help things. To help not help things, Suki added “We had such strong feelings to share and it was important that we got the matters off our chests.” and she tapped her own chest.  _ Why are you able to say something so true and yet so...easily converted into meaning something else? Wait, no, you’re Sukes, you can manufacture these sentences.  _ “Oh...kay” and How bowed to her. I clarified “What she’s trying to say is I was making a fool of myself” before nonsensical rumors started spreading. Soon after, he  _ got  _ it and tensions, or rather confusions, subsided. 

The basecamp took up all the land a hundred paces from us, leading out for hundreds if not thousands of Consort’s Feet, stretching to the other side of Ni’an. It went from the train depot to the coast; where a grand fleet was onloading men and machines. Columns were still passing as I looked over from where Suki and I had our idiotic discussion. The troops marched in five by twenty formation. The first four lines would always be bannermen, carrying the Earth Empire’s flag in square standards. None of this provincial flag nonsense. All regiments, all men, have the same Earth Empire flag. The difference is for one half of the flags, the characters for the regiment’s name would be written. An example is the regiment passing us had ten Earth Empire flags with no writing, regular flags, and ten Earth Empire flags, the same earth coin emblem, with ‘Seventh Tianjin Regiment’ written below the flag. It should also be said that some of these flags had extra writing on them. Whether blank or regimental, a flag that participated in a battle is marked as being such. In this case, I spotted that on at least one flag -likely many more- was written “Second Siege - Ba Sing Se” written above the gold and green coin in black -someone’s handwriting- ink. It was a  _ personal  _ flag. Someone had a personal attachment to this flag. Also, most Imperial Army soldiers, usually tucked inside their clothes, carry a Earth Empire pennant. A small one that can be pocketed but large enough to allow personal writing -of engagements- to be written on them. We take our victories seriously.  _ Probably because most men don’t live to see more than a couple. Go Empire _ . Finally, at the front of every column I would find an officer holding his  _ dao _ . While the rest of the soldiers marched forward, he would look directly at me while pointing the tip of the  _ dao  _ at me. Some of these officers had  _ jians  _ instead of  _ daos _ . Usually the older ones, to whom the  _ jian  _ was a point of pride. 

After collecting myself and a professional attitude, I walked over to ‘inspect the troops’ as would be officially recorded. Each of these soldiers could go home to their families and tell them ‘The Emperor personally inspected my regiment’. And I did. I watched the Ninth Regiment of Tianjin, all ten five-by-twenty columns, march past. All had straight backs and determined faces. They wore beards of all kinds of lengths and a few had queues. They were dressed uniformly, conical hats for both bender and nonbender with the only visible difference being a lack of boots for benders. As each column marched past, the men would stop their singing to shout “Ten Thousand Years” while on the march. And they did it with sufficient synchronization. Suki joined me at my side, her makeup applied and her hands resting on her katana’s hilt. I don’t know what it is about watching so many professional soldiers marching elegantly that gets me  _ pumped _ for fighting, but I drew my Piandao-forged jian and held it in the air and shouted “For the Empress!” The soldiers, being ferociously loyal to the greatest earthbender of all time, repeated the shout. “For the Empress!”. Then they chanted it and “Ten Thousand Years” at the same time as they marched forward. By my outstretched arm, I was literally blessing them. Maybe it’d have no physical effect, they aren’t going to become immune to ballistas, but I gave them a morale boost otherwise unimaginable. As the last column, the Tenth Regiment of Tianjin, walked past, I considered my options going forward.

I was joined by the small detachment of Imperial Guards assigned to me, Lieutenant Taishi leading them, and of course, Suki, as I followed the last of the columns to the docks. General How said I ‘had the option’ of taking a biplane on floats. But it occured to me that I was much safer on the ground than I could possibly be in the air. On the ground, I’ve got  _ seventy thousand  _ fighting men along with entire  _ battalions  _ of tanks. In the air, sure, there would be a hundred other crazy madmen flying about, but we didn’t know what we were going up against. I don’t  _ have  _ to be the first man off the boat. While we walked, How asked my thoughts on the war plan he and the Lieutenant Generals put together.

The hundred-odd aircraft will be launched while at sea since all of Muneie’s pilots are trained to launch from the water and the aircraft brought along are outfitted with floats. They were to proceed to sortie against the two main ‘bases’ on Nan Day Island: The port town and capital of the commandery, Pu’an; and the temple-town of Anlong tucked away on the south side of Mount Nan Day. A vanguard force of ex-Fire Navy cruisers, correction, the Earth Empire’s own attempt at a model, were to deploy the Fourth Division’s ‘Emerald Battalion’ of tanks around and in the town of Pu’an. Junks will sail to the other side of the island and deploy elements of the Nanshi and First Divison’s infantry regiments. Once the vanguard tanks were to encircle the town, the Fourth Division’s Artillery were to land and begin shelling it while the Imperial Navy blockaded the Sunrise Sea. To How, I gave two remarks: “I’m not experienced enough in port assaults,” and “If you consider this sensible, then let’s go with it.” He bowed and gave an apology remark of “Your Majesty, you’ve assaulted Caldera. Not many can make the same claim.” He’s correct, but  _ I  _ didn’t take Caldera. I got stuck in some trenches while waves of men tossed themselves at things. Later on, oroud of my -the Emperor’s- compliment, he decided to proceed with the war plan. 

We boarded How’s personal cruiser,  _ Hono _ , taken from the Fire Navy after one of their many failed Sunrise Sea raids. He renamed it to  _ Jinchang  _ after one of his favorite commanderies to visit which also happened to be a spot of many great battles between Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation for the past hundred years.  _ Also, a well-known rice wine maker.  _ With us came the First Division’s tanks and the Empress’s Own Tenth Regiment of infantry. As our ship backed away from the docks, I looked from side to side at the sea of wooden masts and metal towers. This kind of sea-spanning presence was what the Imperial Navy  _ should  _ look like. Countless junk masts and dozens of cruiser towers. I was offered the same kind of fancy lunch that How had but instead I told him I “want what the men eat” and as such ate a bowl of rice and jerky while all the officers around me ate grilled and roasted meats from a buffet table. The word spread of my lunch, since word spreads of nearly anything the Empress or I do even if it’s as mundane as me wrapping a blanket around her, and the soldiers below deck had their spirits raised ever higher. After all, monarchs don’t eat normal people food. But since they’re soldiers and I’m one, I ate what they ate. Bored of the officers, I waited until after the customary “Ten Thousand Years!” toast to leave. I took my bowl of rice to my personal set-aside room.

“Your Majesty, it's a good idea to get some rest  _ before  _ we land,” Suki said while barging into my room, causing me to almost drop my bowl of rice. I asked “And are you going to rest as well?”, looking up at her while she all motherly loomed over me. “Only if you do.” she countered in that motherly tone of hers.  _ Fine.  _ “Can I finish my dinner first?” I said, kind of begging.  _ Begging isn’t very Imperial _ . “Lunch” she remarked. “Food” I concluded. She laughed at the vagueness and “yes, I permit you to finish eating.” while she took her katana scabbard off. I finished my food, she had already finished hers, and we went to sleep dressed for battle. 

_ Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.  _ A note to the Archivists: Metal doors on Fire Navy cruisers are loud. Annoyingly loud. “General! We’re landing in less than a  _ dian _ !” the voice of someone who’s probably old enough to be a Lieutenant General shouted from the other side of a metal door. I mumbled nonsense to myself before rolling out of bed and mustering the words to call out “Suki! Let’s go!”. … But she was already awake and fastening her weapons. All I put down before sleeping was my helmet and scabbard so I didn’t have much I needed to pick up. Despite this, she got her makeup -can’t go into war without it- and headdress on before I got my two things that are easy to put on, on. 

We raced out the door and General How asked “Do you two want to join the landings?” in his inspiring shouty-voice. “Are we the first ones off the boats?” Suki responded with a question before I could. “No, there’s going to be one line of cruisers ahead of you.” _Well that’s reassuring._ “Where are we?” I tried to quickly gather information. “West of Pu’an.” I asked “Are we landing at dusk?” while we set off walking down the halls and towards the staging area. _Why dusk? Since we couldn’t have been asleep for long and it was noon when we left, it was either dusk or soon to be dusk_. How spoke ahead to me. “That’s the thing, Your Majesty. There isn’t any.” ‘ _Isn’t any dusk?’_ “What do you mean ‘there isn’t any’?” I asked back. The well lit hallways allowed me to grab the railing and go down the stairs quickly. Hitting each stair made them all go _clank_ and muffle the chatter. “We’re too far north for dusk, Your Majesty.” _Wait a miao._ “So where’s our element of surprise?” I barely got the words out while a loud _crash_ caused the whole ship to shake. We didn’t need to ask ‘what was that?’ because whatever it was...it didn’t matter. In a much louder voice, I stopped my descent, turned to How, and in a stupid spontaneous decision, “I want whatever made that-” _crash_ , and we all held on to the railings, “to be silenced!” “Right away, General!” he formally responded, bowing, and racing back upstairs. Suki and I progressed on, down the _clank_ ing stairs. 

As I approached the much bigger-on-the-inside landing bay where the troops of this boat waited to disembark… the men were singing the chorus of the song from earlier in the morning. 

_ Let the Great Earth Army _

_ Take on it's campaign _

_ A dao with its war-hardened hand, _

_ And now we must all _

_ Unstopped by their flames _

_ March into one last deadly stand! _

I walked through the large doors and onto a small balcony overlooking the waiting soldiers. The chorus of Upper Ring and Middle Ring accents meshed well. A man dressed as a Captain was also on the balcony, holding onto the thin metal post-like railing, and noted my arrival. “Attention on deck! His Imperial Majesty joins us!” and the voices stopped, turned, and looked up at me. They punched the air with either fists or spears. I bowed to them, then took a right and descended the stairs. Two lines of infantry took a step to either side, turning their  _ shields  _ towards me, allowing me through. Yes, shields. 

The Imperial Army is about as decentralized as the Earth Kingdom. The Army of the South and Army of the West seem lacking in military equipment despite one having authority over almost half of the Empire and the other now controlling a high amount of metallurgy. Not to mention the militias...if people had shields they were so few I don’t remember them. The Army of the Center is the best equipped and ‘most’ standardized of all. As has been noted, they wear the same uniforms, though I believe benders have slightly less armored variants and don’t wear boots. Each nonbending soldier carries a spear between five and eight Consort’s feet, a tower shield five Consort’s feet tall, and a pattern-forged  _ dao.  _ A large portion of soldiers trade a shield they carry on their backs for a crossbow and quiver of bolts. Soldiers are made to carry all this gear on foot to reinforce the Empire’s training of long grueling marches. Apparently the basis for this ‘new’ shield was the Water Tribe impressing the Council of Five last year when they paraded around and formed shield walls. As such, the shield was returned into circulation  _ just in time  _ to miss all the fun of the Hundred Year War. Since the Earth Empire has lots of factories to produce non machine goods, mass-producing shields is easy to do.  _ So now we’ve got shields with our troops _ .

“Any inspiring words, Your Majesty?” the Captain asked while I walked up to the front line of three tanks. Amidst the lines of infantry, four rows of three tanks were positioned, waiting to do the charge thing. The tank hatches were open and a head poked out of each.  _ Inspiring words? Hm. Nope. I’m not Toph.  _ I drew my  _ jian  _ with a nice  _ swish  _ and held it in the air. I shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” and hoped my predicament of not being the best at inspiring words would vanish. “Ten Thousand Years!” the entire ship hull chanted. They punched the air as one mass and repeated this while I did a final check,  _ armor’s on, scabbard is tight but not too tight, whiskey flask attached to the waist, that’s about it _ . The vessel made that...that  _ sound _ , when the keel strikes the sand and everything jerks forward. The Captain rallied his men with booming calls to arms “Places! Places!”. “Ten Thousand Years!” the men repeated their chant. Paths were cleared for the tanks and bender infantry took their places on the flanks of the boat. The tank hatches came down with  _ bams _ . A loud  _ creak  _ was followed by outside light pouring in through the widening gap of the bow as it lowered top to bottom. Then it stopped and the world held its breath.  _ Boom _ . Something was exploding out ahead of us. The tank engines fired up, twelve  _ whirs  _ as I backed into the infantry mass. A line of shields was pulled out and formed a lion-turtle formation with me in the middle. Some men were muttering prayers, some were breathing intensely, some were doing both. Suki said something quiet to Kyoshi. And I drew my blade. Within the last few feet, the bow outright  _ crashed  _ down, kicking up some sand as reality poured in. 

“Charge!” came the warcry of someone. Through a small gap in the shields, I saw the tanks race forward. The front three immediately started launching shells. Far ahead of us, I think there was a  _ mob  _ of people. They were beating their chests. Their... _ black _ ?...chests. One of the shells lobbed a head off, another cut a gap in this...mob. Someone back there was pointing at us with a spear in his right hand. “Infantry! Advance!” came our Captain’s shout commands. The men in front of me picked up their shields and we ran off the boat. Benders on our side ran ahead of us, pulling up earth walls for protection. The shieldline broke as we spread out and formed up behind this ever-expanding earth wall. I stayed back to oversee it all and the hundreds of us -previously crammed into these cruisers- poured out and into platoons, awaiting a...signal, I guess. Far from us, and probably no more than a hundred paces away, the taunts of...a mob. Their  _ those aren’t accented  _ chants? “By the light of the sun! Onwards, by the light of the midnight sun!” 

“Orders?” the Captain asked, running back to me. “Can we lob-”  _ thud-smash _ , something hit one of the cruisers to our left just beneath the bow. All of us instinictively ducked. “What is that?” I shouted over the sounds of yelling. “Perhaps they’ve got-” but I stopped listening to him as I looked ahead, ahead at the tall mountain ahead of us. Small dots would rise out from it and I watched one as it grew, grew, became a boulder, and struck a cruiser three down to our right in the tower. I pointed at that mountain. “We need to take that mountain,  _ now _ !” and I drew my blade. “But there’s an entire-”  _ thud _ , a boulder hit somewhere beyond the earth wall ahead of us, sending a layer of topsoil flying into the air, “-army, ahead of us, Your Majesty!” I ran past him and put a hand on a bender who was holding up an earth wall. “Captain!” I called, he looked over at me from next to the bow of the ship, “If we spread out, we won’t be targetable!” “Right away, Your Majesty!” he replied through others shouting amidst another  _ smash  _ and one of these large shells striking the ship behind us, scattering into a hundred pieces which rained down on us. “Tenth Regiment! Break ranks! Charge!” the same Captain screamed over the now intensifying sounds of  _ bangs  _ and  _ thuds _ . 

The walls we once hid behind were punched forward, cleaving holes in this distant line of men. “Charge!” he sang, drawing his dao and pointed it forward. The regiment shouted warcries of its own, “Ten Thousand Years!” “For His Imperial Majesty!” “For Her Imperial Majesty!” as the chaos of an uncontrolled charge ensued. I found myself, where else, in the middle of all of this. Amidst the charge, it seemed like some platoons took their own independent volition to  _ stop _ . As was the case with one group that was ahead of me to my right. A platoon of crossbows. Their commander, I guessed he was their commander, stopped and they formed two lines. He yelled “Volley!”,  _ thunk _ , the ten crossbows loosed a volley. Suki and I ended up behind a few lines of spear-wielders. Had we been at the front we would’ve taken arrows and crossbow bolts to the face. They were launched from somewhere and struck our lines straight on. I don’t know  _ where  _ the benders were but they weren’t in front of us. 

We crossed soft mossy soil to assault a wide, thick, line of bare-chested people armed with spears. Bone-tipped spears, at that. Their chests were painted black with white suns in the middle. The sun had eight sun rays, one to a direction. Their leader stood on a small stony outcropping and on closer look, he was beating the white sun mark on his chest. He held a bone-tipped spear in one hand and a club of some kind in the other. In addition, it was only within the last thirty paces that I noted arrows whizzing over his ranks,  _ so that’s where they come from _ , and falling upon ours without any kind of precision or order. On our side, the crossbows were landing direct hits in the armorless Sun people. 

Instead of being stupid and charging into the line, a voice I couldn’t place yelled “Spears! Lower spears!” and the spear-wielders in front of me slowed to a regular walk and tightened their formation. The rival line didn’t seem to care about, I don’t know,  _ charging _ us as we remained scattered. Instead, they stood there taunting us. “Spearwall!” the same voice shouted. Instantly, the frontmost line drew their shields, followed by two lines of spears pointing forward, one pointed halfway between horizontal and vertical, and the rest pointed up. I found myself somewhere in the third line and Suki in the fourth, just behind me. As we neared, we saw that our rivals’ faces were painted in elaborate wavy styles on either cheek and the forehead. The wavy styles were also black and white and seemed to maintain personalities between them. Some were waves, some were swirls, some were a mix. Some had swirls around their eyes and waves on their cheeks. Some waves intersected at their mouths. Some had waves running down their legs. Some had swirls around their chests instead of just the normal black background. It didn’t matter  _ what  _ they had, they were still merely flesh and our spears were spears. As we impaled their first line, the top right of the Sun  _ just  _ rose from behind the cover of the mountain. As we were marching forward and impaling them, we involuntarily looked towards the Sun, because it’s bright and attracts the eye. They were planning on this. 

The taunting man let out a mighty wolf-dog howl and the rest, men and women alike, howled. They kept howling as they broke ranks and charged forward. The shieldwall in front of us planted themselves and faced the brunt of their countercharge. “My spear’s broken!” the guy to my left cried. Others were making the same claim. “Orders?” He looked to  _ me  _ for advice.  _ We can hold or… _ but my indecisiveness cost us. “Break ranks! Charge!” came the Captain’s shout from somewhere in the back of this mass of green. Suddenly, spears all around us fell to the ground. Hundreds of  _ swishes _ as  _ dao  _ blades were drawn. “Ten Thousand Years!” someone screamed and the cry flowed like a wave from left to right. The shields ahead of us pressed against these howling... _ peasants _ ?...making enough of a space to open their shields and let the lines of dao-wielding infantry pile through. And pile through we did.

I don’t know what happened on other parts of the line, but the men in front of me cut a literal hole in this mob of bare-chested men. More and more of our men followed these leaders’ examples and we cut their line in two. By the time I got through, I was able to run to the other side of the clashing lines. I was joined by Suki and a couple others. The rest were in an intense close-quarters-combat against bone-tipped spear-wielding bare-chested howling maniacs. I spotted their leader, let’s call him that, standing atop his little rocky outcrop. “Suki, I’m getting that man.” and I ran towards him. “On it.” and her katana came out of it’s nice long well-cleaned scabbard. One of these spears came at me, I parried it to the side and _slice_ , cut a large gash open on his bare chest. Then Suki, I, and our band fell on this defensive perimeter of men and women who had forgotten what shirts were, pointing their spears at us. Suki made quick work of three, “I’ve got to hand it to you,” _slice,_ and she removed one’s hands, “That’s not how you get ahead” _slice,_ no more head, “it’s like target practice”, she elbowed one in the chest before slicing his chest right along one of the sun rays. I joined in. _Slice,_ I opened his chest up _. Slice,_ I opened her chest up. Someone with some intelligence tried to stab my chest, so _parry_ and _stab_ and his insides were draining outside. Another tried to stab at me but her bone-spear couldn’t penetrate my chest armor. So I grabbed the spear and _stab_ , stuck my blade right through her face. A few more had this idea...you know, stab the man with heavy armor. Just as it did nothing to the rest of our men and their heavy armor, it didn’t really do anything to me either. When one person _did_ try to go for the face, all I had to do was _side-step,_ and _slice,_ and she had no more hands. Three more. _Slice, stab, stab_. The rest of this perimeter was cut down with Suki’s katana and the other men’s _dao_ strikes and pommel hits. 

I found the path this man used to climb up to his vantage point from,  _ note, it's about a story taller than the rest _ , and like that I was on top of this outcrop, behind him. Just as I got my footing,  _ bonk _ , his heavy club came down on my off-arm.  _ Now that stings _ . I retaliated by coming at him with a center-section stab but he swiped at me with his bone-spear. Here’s the thing with bone-spears and how he did it. He  _ swung  _ it. He didn’t stab it. It swung into my sword-arm but the arm armor protected me. He had this surprised look when, after hitting my arm with a sharp pointed object, it did nothing. “You’re probably a famed duelist, commander person, but what kind of duelist doesn’t wear armor?” and I carried through with my stab, going right  _ through  _ his arm and into his white-sun chest and through  _ it _ .  _ Because he didn’t wear armor. That’s why you wear armor.  _

“The midnight...Sun” he mumbled as he staggered, looked past me and at the rising sun, fell backwards and into the pile of his followers. Before I could do anything, I felt something  _ ping  _ off my armor. I looked down and saw an arrow fall by my side. I couldn’t turn my head around, lest they have a wonderful target -my face- to fill with arrows. So I ducked to the ground. Looking ahead, that is, back down at the coast, more of these boulders were being lobbed at our ships, and now, our offensive forces. Then I took notice of the  _ whirring _ and looked higher than the boats, at the skies. Dots. Dozens of dots. Like a flock of duck-geese. And the dots were flying right towards us. 

A  _ fen  _ must’ve passed as I hid on this piece of land, low enough arrows can’t hit me but high enough that I was isolated. I watched those dots as they turned into something greater than chaos. Organization. Four dots would group together and suddenly there were two dozen of these dots buzzing about just off the coast. One of these packs of four came flying over the beachhead and that’s when the squadrons of the Nongchang Air Division began their offensive.

The Sun glistened off their beautifully painted green aircraft. They flew so low I could practically see the pilots. Back down on the ground, our forces were cutting down the last of these strange bare-chested crazies. They chop them down just in time for the loud engines to call the entire beachhead into a grand cheer of...well everyone was cheering their own thing anyways. And we had just won a battle on the beachhead. But Air Corps reinforcement earned special cheers.. But most of it was “Ten Thousand Years!” Then it hit me,  _ maybe  _ I’m safe. So I stood. 

I wasn’t filled with arrows. Looking at where the arrows would’ve come from...there were a bunch of Imperial soldiers with bloody daos and there was one person amongst them who was looking back up at me. She waved her katana about like a dancer. She was elated.  _ Yes, Sukes, you’re crazy. We get it _ . She was a dancer and war was her dance. I took notice that my arm did sting, but not that much, and cleaned my blade off. Then I hopped off this vantage point I could’ve used for reconnaissance just in time to see what I’m going to call “The aerial siege of that one hill”. 

These hundred aircraft, as previously mentioned, were in flocks of four each. They flew in two or three semi-organized lines towards whatever their objectives were. Some went right towards  _ the town _ , the town that we were supposed to attack. Some went left, I saw one squadron follow the beaches towards...I have no idea. But most? Most went straight ahead towards, from here, what appeared to be a village.  _ The temple-town?  _ That was the same direction the large boulders were being tossed from. But when the aircraft came at them, they stopped their shelling of us. Instead, they began launching these massive boulders into the air.

“Rally! Form up!” Someone of prominence to my right was shouting while Suki and I could only watch with amazement at the performance happening up there. Biplanes would, as a team of four, dive towards this village and surrounding hillside. They’d release their bombs and things would go  _ kaboom _ . Sometimes, one of these biplanes would get smashed by a boulder mid-flight. The boulder and the wreckage would fall back towards the hillside and join all the bombs. Some of the side effects of this ridiculous waste of resources were boulders erratically falling upon the hills around this one defensive position. Some of those boulders would shatter into more boulders which would then tumble down these treeless hills right at us. Good thing Lord “Form Up” was also Lord “Benders! Break those boulders!” and good thing his men were loyal to him. The well-versed, and by well-versed I mean ‘Let’s kill ‘em all’ voice of General How made himself present with “General! I’ve seen you’ve taken the beachhead with few casualties”.  _ Huh? Few? _

I turned around and my attention was redirected towards him. “What do you mean? I didn’t do anything” and I pointed at the rest of the beachhead to my right, his left, and the torrent of green soldiers running about, killing things that were already dead, and the forty-something tanks that were launching shells at bunkers. He let out a roaring laugh and “Good! More men to use on our attack on Pu’an!” and he turned to his right, my left, and stomped towards the city. “But you said we would wait!” I called after him. The lines of infantry were forming back into platoons and I saw leaders of platoons...well standing in front of their platoons. They could’ve been cracking jokes for all I know. General How continued. “Wait? Ha! We’ve got to destroy that defensive position on Mount Nan Day.” and he stopped walking to go “General, how would you like to lead the mop up operation up the mountain while I take Pu’an?” “Mop up?” I countered but  _ boom _ , some pilot’s aim was slightly off and he released a bomb somewhat closer than expected. “Sure, there’s not going to be anything left by the time you get there!” he said like all of this was a joke. I mean, we just defeated a bunch of half-naked -at least they wore pants- weirdos so it probably  _ is  _ a joke compared to the might of the Royal Fire Army, but as I said to him, “General, it’s unwise to underestimate your enemies!” “Why? A bunch of half-naked men and women?” and he laughed at his own statement, stepping over the body of one such person and looking down at the dead man. I  _ tried  _ reminding him that “We fought a few thousand school-age students in Caldera and it took us a week!”. He walked back over to me and put a hand on my  _ ow-that-stings  _ arm, “not every battle is Caldera, Your Majesty.”  _ So? A battle is a battle.  _

At the time, it seemed like he was right. The flocks of birds, I mean aircraft squadrons, were flying away from the mountain. There were...less, I saw ten squadrons of threes and four squadrons of twos along with squadrons of fours. The shelling had completely stopped. Our troops could land seemingly unchecked. And they did. Onwards, into the... _ well there was no night _ . I remember, as I walked into How’s new ‘Nan Day Headquarters’, carved out of a cliff inland the beaches, that one of these “White Suns”, as the Infantry were calling them, had surrendered and was being dragged in at the same time. He was the talk of celebratory remarks since our side was “Just that good” at defeating what amounted to a bunch of half-naked spearmen who couldn’t even penetrate our armor let alone our lines.

I wondered something:  _ where was the Nan Day defense force? Surely the entire island isn’t just one hilltop defense and some crazy spear-wielders. What kind of commander sends his men into such stupid defenses? The ‘White Sun’ Commander, or more likely the sub-officer charged with leading the defense, was smart enough to time his counter-offensive until when the sun rose from behind Mount Nan Day. Whoever’s behind this defense either has spasms of brilliance or is making up the defenses as he goes along.  _ I remember telling Suki “we can’t arrogantly run up that mountain” but as with everything else in the Empire, sometimes I have to wonder where the chain of command is. Because How was, up until we met this ‘White Sun’ person, was quite adamant that ‘tonight’, we’d launch a mass offensive up this mountain and plant a flag on top. This is the same man, by the way, who recognized that it's the summertime -thus no night- but was now planning a charge ‘tonight’. As I told Suki, “Tonight? We won’t have a ‘tonight’ for another week.” Then we were summoned, a knock at our shared bedroom from an officer, to speak to, or ‘speak to’ this captured ‘White Sun’ person.

“We’re mercenaries! We’re not the island defenders! We were hired by a man named Lord Kazuhiro of Rinchen!” this ‘White Sun’, his name was actually Imnek, told us. “Where’s Rinchen?” How asked the man. Suki and I gave each other this _look_ , and at the same time, “no, it can’t be _that_ Rinchen.” The General turned red and angry and began “What Rinchen? I’m going to siege that Rinchen-” but I cut him off halfway. “That’s the Eastern Air Temple” Suki then asked a question that would’ve taken the words straight from my mouth. “What’s someone named Kazuhiro doing in Rinchen?” This Imnek, _interesting name you’ve got there_ , said “I don’t know! I know my Commander, Uyarak, took orders from him!” I took my turn asking a question, since we’re quite civil about these things, “and where’s Lord Yasanobu?” He pointed, with his tongue, no less, to the side. _Well that’s clever._ “He’s in Anlong?” Suki used her turn to ask that. “He’s under Anlong.” _Under? But...how?_ “You two take care of this, I’m getting something. I’ll be back soon.” How bowed and said “On it, Your Majesty” while Suki nodded. I left to go find a map, and a drink. I found the former and was distracted by a search for whiskey. The search took me back to my room. I had the privacy to drink and drink and I would’ve had more privacy had I not been found by some Imperial Army soldier. 

“We’re under attack!” he frantically shouted, metaphorically knocking me off this stone seat I was enjoying.  _ It’s slicing time, I guess.  _ I left and ran for the last known position of Suki and How. The White Sun man was knocked out. They were still there, except now in stance. “He said nothing,” Suki informed me while gesturing to him.  _ Good for him, I guess _ . I asked “What’s happening?” over the sounds of shouting, “Form up!”, “Line!”, “Hold!” and other such commanding shouts. “We’re under attack, that’s all I know” from Suki, hand on hilt and waiting to strike. “General?” I hoped he’d clue me in. “The beachhead was taken, it’s lost on me General”  _ oh good.  _ A few  _ fen  _ later, some officer and his platoon came running in. Not intentionally, they appeared to be clearing the rooms room-by-room since they were brandishing weapons. Annoyed at all this, I asked “What’s happening?” His panicked response was “they’ve got tunnels!” They’ve got tunnels.  _ Why didn’t we think of that?  _

These...Nan Dayers...had tunnels. Of course they did. This is their island, not ours. In an act of bravery, the two top commanders of the Imperial expedition hid in a well-lit cave while a bunch of soldiers ran around and took various ranged weapons to the face. Not every battle needs to be fought from the front. In our case, I thought it would be wiser if we stayed where we had; one, everyone knows that  _ this  _ is the command center; two, it’s well defended; and three, we can receive information without getting stuck in the middle of combat without any tactical awareness. And that we did. A terrible excuse of a postal service,  _ note, needs revising _ , in the form of couriers, ran to us and told the two of us what  _ was  _ happening. Some time during the ‘day’, or maybe morning, it’s hard to keep track of what’s a day and what isn’t a day this far north, a couple hundred troops emerged from burrowed tunnels and ambushed our forces at certain ‘points’, if one could call them that. The Nanshi Division took it the hardest, their entire front crumbled because someone stole their flag. I think. “They lost their standard and the men routed!” was what the courier said. We lost some twenty tanks and maybe a thousand infantry to idiotic ‘counter flanks’ performed by people who either paid for their stupidity with their lives or  _ are going to _ . These infantry commanders gladly led frontal charges against forces that could dig tunnels. Does any other criticism need be mentioned? No. Why do I record it in this style? I was half-inebriated and if I tried to recall  _ all  _ the dialogue I’d be stuck with stuttering and slurred words. It was all a fog and it shall be remembered for being a fog. Except, a fog of idiotic commanders and bad troop movements.

Then the assault ended. It broke against more veteran regiments, namely elements of the First’s Tenth Regiment and Nanshi’s Twenty-Eighth. I couldn’t be bothered to foot it to the other side of this stupid island to go “Thank you for being competant.” Turns out, it happened to be that I charged and landed with the best of the best. The Empress’s Own Regiments, Upper Ring-stationed, actually have heard of marching in lines before. And they know how to form shield walls. And also we happened to face light resistance. Between this and Imnek, assuming he was telling the truth, How and I both realized that we really  _ do  _ have to capture this island. Otherwise the other Nations can watch us get walloped by the geopolitical equivalent of a toddler.  _ But rest assured, nobody except my mind since my mind’s the only one listening to this, there’s going to be reforms. And people will pay for this. People will pay. I want my new Armies. I want my progress. I want an Imperial Army that can kick all the other Armies Imperially.  _

“We’re going to attack Mount Nan Day from all directions!” General How pointed at the red tile -since normally red is our opponent, not whatever black-and-white nonsense this is- while his Lieutenant Generals, Suki and I gathered around his stone table. Beneath the lantern light, we looked at this map of Nan Day. The most prominent feature of the island is Mount Nan Day, which sits directly to the north of our position. We are on the southwestern tip. ‘The Backbone’, coined by Kuon, is the ridge which cuts the island in two, a northern and southern side. Anlong sits in the shadow of Mount Nan Day on its south side. Pu’an sits along the south coast. Clusters of houses are gathered elsewhere across the south with associated pastureland. The northern side is devoid of any civilization.

“What remains of Nanshi will hold the northern side” and How placed some tiles on the northern side. “We’re not going to pull back?” Xie asked, sounding unsure of How’s orders. “No, you will hold your beachheads.” How said in his commanding voice. “But...we’ve taken heavy casualties.” Xie humbly replied. Since I had some say in this and I recalled his force’s successes, ‘successes’, in holding, I commanded him “And you held. That’s an order.” Xie bowed and gulped. How moved on to other tiles “The First Division will reinforce and hold the northwest down to our position.” and he tapped the map at our position. “The land here is much steeper, but I trust you can do it” and How gave a professional smile to Kuon. Then he looked to Feng. “I want the Fourth to ascend ‘The Backbone’ from the east. They will join the-,” he paused to look at Jai and make sure he understood, “-Liuxiayu Division in an assault on Anlong.” and he moved some tiles to surround the cluster of dots marked as Anlong. “Mengxiang will stay offshore, prepared to reinforce any or all flanks. Hongji?” How looked at the man in his high twenties trusted with command of an entire Division. “Yes, General?” he replied. “I want your men kept fresh and ready.” “Yes, General.” “Muneie, get your energy out now ‘cause you’ll be on reserve.” “Yes, General” the Colonel of the Air Division bowed. He was straddling the fence between content and disappointed. His men had the highest success rate but they also lost many men and, more importantly, biplanes. Then again, the Imperial Air Corps has a one in two casualty rate so his casualties were quite low all things considered. How backed up to address us all. “Assign your regiments to these tasks as you see fit.” “Yes, General.” “Yes, General”, “Yes, General,” “On it, General” “Right away, General” among others. “Dismissed.” and he put his hands behind his back. As the Lieutenant Generals bowed to How and kowtowed to I, he asked me “would Your Majesty-” clearly forgetting that I was a regular General “-like to join the Anlong offensive?” It was a wonderful offer. Instead, I gave a glance to Suki, who returned it with a glance of her own. I looked back at How, smiled, and “After I get some sleep.” As such, we went back to our shared bedroom.

We woke the next, or maybe the same, day. I had a bad headache and Suki was feeling quite…something about moon cycles, I don’t remember. She acted like she ignored whatever was bothering her, and that was good enough for me and my headache. “As long as you’re alive, I’m alive, right?” She pursed her lips and responded. “Something like that. I’ll be alive-er after we can go back to comforting back massages at the Imperial Palace.” To this, I asked “Am I supposed to give you one?” She smiled and rejected me. “No, but the offer is appreciated.” 

We had food, the same food the soldiers had, rice, rice, and more rice, and we went to find How and learn what was happening. “Yes, we deserted!” a young man said from behind a passing door. Two Imperial Army soldiers were stationed outside. “Let’s check out what’s happening” and Suki, a bit crankier than usual, barged in, taking me by the hand with her. How turned around and exclaimed “Ah! It’s a good day, General!” “Good day? You’re not usually the bringer of good news.” Suki said, hands immediately going to hips. “This man, Zexi, has wonderful news.” and he redirected my look to a blindfolded man dressed in a brown tunic and brown pants, his hands and feet tied with metal shackles, while he sat on a chair with two guards standing behind him. I said “What information do you have?” and took a step over to him. “All of Yasanobu’s earthbenders deserted, my lord!” this Zexi man blurted. Suki asked, annoyed, “And how do we know you aren’t lying, you random enemy soldier?” “Have you been shelled?” he counter asked. I looked at How,  _ he’d know the truth _ , and he shook his head. “We haven’t?” I almost couldn’t believe what I was saying. I had more questions. “Why would Lord Yasanobu’s benders desert?” This Zexi person,  _ great name by the way, really rolls off the tongue _ , replied “He ran out of money to pay us with. So we tried to escape last night. There’s only twenty of us left.” I leaned in and squinted. In hindsight,  _ I can’t intimidate a blindfolded man with my legendary one-eyed squint _ . My tone conveyed the intended intimidating emotion as I asked “Left?” suspecting him of, as Suki said, lying. “Your…” he stuttered, as if out of terror, “...metal birds killed us! I had the rest of us go home.”  _ Metal birds? Biplanes?  _ How stepped in to ask “Go home? Where?” The man returned the question. “We’re mercenaries. We’re not from here.” and he spat the ground. Then he continued. “If I knew I’d have metal birds killing us I wouldn’t have come.” and he tried to turn his head to face me, but couldn’t. I looked at How, who was elated. “General, what happened?” He requested I join him for a moment, we walked out of the room and away from this defector. 

Once we were far enough away, he whispered “We’ve had a few minor skirmishes in the north and the Fourth has been quite slow about taking ‘the Backbone’ and Jai’s going to start the assault soon.” Because war must really be in my blood, I felt an urge to join the assault. “Can I take the vanguard?” I asked, feeling all energized and also feeling a bad headache from all the... _ rice wine?  _ I don’t remember. “Of course, General. They could use your motivational skills.” So that’s what I did. “Suki! With me!” and she left How and this Zexi man alone. Once I  _ started  _ explaining the situation, “The temple’s open to assault-” She cut me off and, a  _ bit  _ crankier than usual, asked “You’re going up to Anlong, aren’t you?” She knowing my response before I even said anything. I tried my hand at a joke. “It's what you get with Kyoshi’s blood, right?” She quietly chuckled at it.  _ Wait. You found that funny? You must really be tired.  _ She poked my arm. “Hey, I’m  _ also  _ bored. And I’m feeling this urge to cut some strange tundra folk apart?”  _ Yes, the arm still stung.  _ Inspired by Toph, I pointed out “That’s a very particular urge. And why did you ask it like a question?” I asked, not just like but  _ as  _ a question. She poked my arm,  _ it still stings _ , and said “Let’s go,  _ General _ .”

We joined Liuxiayu's second tank company, twelve Imperial Battle Tanks, as they are officially known as. They were leading the vanguard. I hopped on the back of a tank named ‘The He Send Their Regards’. Suki and I found the name somewhat comical, then we asked as to why. As each tank is given a platoon of infantry support, half benders half non, one of the men who was walking alongside the tank told us “Your Majesty, it’s because there’s two Sergeant He’s and one Platoon Commander He. There’s Jian He and Lian He and no, they aren’t brothers.” Since the naming convention was pretty interesting, I asked “are all tanks named like this?”. “Sure they are, Your Majesty” this soldier began. ‘There’s also tanks named ‘Lord’s Not Here’, ‘Third Tank to Go Boom’, ‘Confused for My Wife’, ‘A Head Above the Rest’, ‘Why, My Lord, Why?’, ‘The Dong Thinner,’ ‘The Empress’s Second Favorite Shaft’, ‘A Really, Really, Big Compensation’, ‘Yet Another Batch O’ Lees’, ‘Bangin’ Brains’ and ‘Is It Kaboom Time?’ in our Company.” and the mention of the names made the other soldiers walking along chuckle. 

The sun had managed to circle itself back around to being behind Mount Nan Day, casting us in these near-horizontal shadows. Anlong, like Ni’an, consists of one-story houses. Most of the temple-town is situated around the hillside. There’s no town planning to it, though. Just houses scattered about. The central ‘temple’ is actually carved into the south side of Mount Nan Day. We continued up this roadway, but just before we reached the two dozen houses that comprised this temple proper, Suki heard  _ something  _ because she grabbed me and tackled me off the tank and into the soil. Not a single  _ miao  _ later, an arrow struck one of the men walking to our left in the chest. 

“Ambush!” someone yelled. I barely had enough time to look up at Suki and her short auburn hair before she punched her shield open. More  _ whooshes  _ as arrows  _ pinged _ off the tanks’ armor. “Earth wall!” the same voice yelled. Suki helped me up with one hand while her shield was in the other. An earth wall rose to our left, more arrows came flying and  _ tink'd _ on our wall. But from the right? The Nan Dayers did  _ not  _ employ the Sokka strategy of surprise attacks and shout oncoming arrivals. They surprised us. A bone club came down on one of the nonbenders. The tanks began launching shells. One took the torso out from the bone-club wielders. Suki parried a dao strike with her shield while she cut the man down with her as-being-drawn katana. For my part, some guy came out with an axe, a blue-and-white bladed axe, which I parried with my jian before  _ slice _ , no more man.  _ Parry _ , I blocked another man’s club, then  _ stab _ , he didn’t have a face his mother could like. Because he didn’t have all of one. I turned around to join my companions and one of them was on the receiving end of a boomerang. Suki? “You guys fight worse than my boyfriend!” she taunted while letting a spearman charge her, step on his spear, and kick him in the face. “You’re  _ such  _ bad fighters!” and she kicked another person in the face before decapitating two more in a passing strike. But we were interrupted by the tanks firing up their engines and driving forward. I shouted “I’m going after them!” to Suki while kicking a man attacking her in the back of the legs. He went ‘yeow’ and crumbled, only to get kneed in the chin by Suki. She yelled “I’m going with you!” into my face. She was panting, but with...enjoyment. She enjoyed this. She was smiling while panting. If I could put a description on her face, it would’ve been ‘She’s getting far too much pleasure from all this’. Our allies here, meanwhile, were handling themselves quite well. 

The tanks drove into the village and actively launched shells  _ into  _ the houses. Whatever civilians were here were probably gone, or dead, and we have no idea how many surrendered so far. Not that we cared.  _ It’s town, taking, time! _ I ran down the main village path and after the two tanks. Suki came with me. We faced no resistance inside the village for whatever peculiar reasons. Sure, I  _ heard  _ tanks launching shells but neither Suki, I, or the platoon of Imperial Army soldiers who followed us were attacked by any arrows. Instead, their commander ordered them to clear the two-story temple. What did I do instead? As I ran towards the temple, I looked  _ up  _ at the peak. The peak of Mount Nan Day. Suki dared to say “You’re not…”, knowing that  _ look  _ in my good eye. She trailed off from a sudden headache. She gave a quick loud monologue towards nobody. “I strongly dislike whichever Spirits were like ‘yeah you, Suki, time to feel  _ awful _ .’” She punched the air with her blood stained katana. “Can’t I just  _ win  _ a battle?” I nodded along, for I guess Tree-Man Madness runs in the family. “I am...going up that hill.”  _ There’s no stopping me, Sukes _ . “I’m-” she began, but I interrupted her to finish her sentence. “coming with me, I know.” She shrugged and gave chase. The two of us found one tank and some men that were  _ also  _ making the ascent. There must’ve been ten on the ground and another four in the tank. Not much. Not much at all.

As we were about to crest the peak of Mount Nan Day, I saw a  _ fire blast _ flying overhead. “Wait, was that-” Suki said, confused and also sounding somewhat in pain from...I have no idea.. “Firebending” I replied, just as confused but not feeling in pain yet. Before she or I could say  _ how _ , the men that joined us charged forward to counter. “We’re going with them?” I pondered. “I guess we are,” Suki declared, a mix between confused and ‘okay then’ since this was a bit...spontaneous. I followed her and for some reason all that was going through my mind at the time was ‘ _ His Majesty leads us from the front! _ ’, or, the lyric from ‘The Imperial Army is the Strongest’. As we came over the hill, we faced a line of four people dressed as Fire Nation firebenders and eight bare-chested people. No commander to be seen.

The bare-chested people engaged the Imperial Army soldiers in melee. The tank launched a shell into the firebenders, putting a hole in one. The Imperial Army soldiers made quick work of their targets while Suki sheathed her blade and ran forward. She must’ve figured it would be useless. The firebenders focused on her. One versus three. They punched three blasts at her. She jumped over two while blocking the third in a head-on shield charge. She drew a fan with her other hand and did something poke-related that was quite effective because she’s Suki. As for the other two, the tank launched another shell and the firebender learned a new meaning of ‘going flying’ as he was sent flying off the side of the cliff and off to...whoever knows where. Probably a terrible death. Suki dodged the last one’s blows while sweeping his legs out from under him. Then she kicked him in the face once. Then twice. Then another time. And he was out. I looked around. Mount Nan Day was...ours.  _ That felt easy, but we’re also fighting incompetent mercenaries with no morale, so maybe it wasn’t supposed to be hard? _

I walked towards, but not up to, the cliff, and noticed that the sun was halfway to...well it's neither setting or rising, was it? Part of it was dipped behind the ocean. The other half sat like a red semi-circle. I looked over at where the battle was fought. Suki stood up and looked over at me. She asked “Were you just standing there?”, snapping her fan shut. “Yes.” I honestly replied. The other soldiers began cheering lots of “We did it!” and “We captured Mount Nan Day!” and other cheers. She walked over to me. “You’re sweaty” I commented. “I am” she admitted, and she wiped some sweat off her cheek. “Because I just  _ battled _ . Now, I’d like a back massage.” and she tried to poke me with her finger. I  _ think  _ I finally realized what her...problem, or rather ailment since it’s not a ‘problem’ it’s an ‘ailment’ was. But I also felt a bit too tired -and aching, whiskey does that- to discuss further. 

The Imperial Army soldiers gathered around a small piece of rock that barely stood one step higher than the rest of the plateau. The tank crew stopped their tank and got out. “Ten Thousand Years!” one of the tankists shouted. The rest repeated it. One of the Imperial Army soldiers, a man named Liu, was carrying a Earth Empire banner that would normally go on the end of a spear. “Why isn’t it on your spear?” I asked. “I took mine off to keep it closer to home, Your Majesty.” he replied. A different soldier, a man named Lingxin, bended a column of earth up to mark as a pillar. While I looked out to the east, at the slow descent towards the eastern coast, and towards the south, at the empty village we just came from, one of these soldiers tied Liu’s banner to the top of this stone pillar. Now, the Earth Empire’s flag could fly proudly from the highest point of this desolate island.

This Lord Yasanobu was dragged out of his Anlong hole, alive. He was to be taken back to Ba Sing Se for questioning. Between firebenders, mercenary earthbenders, mercenary fanatics and having the equipment of Water Tribes, there was something deeper going on and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. Rinchen is the northwestern Eastern Air Temple. The Empire does not control the Eastern Air Temple’s lands. Technically it’s the Avatar’s responsibility and I would have to ponder whether or not it would benefit the Empire to tell him his lands are ruled by people of questionable loyalty, let alone people who aren’t Air Nomads at all. If there are people on those islands who are loyal to the Badgermole Throne, then they fall under the Badgermole Throne’s protection first and foremost, regardless of which person owned the land a hundred years ago. As such, that’s the first thing to find out. The second is the motive of these mercenaries. Why were they hired and sent up to the far northeast? What do they want? Who is Kazuhiro? He sounds vaguely like Fire Nation. Is there, perhaps, a rump state of Fire Nationals hiding out there? If so then we must get Zuko involved because I’d much rather let Zuko handle his rump states. 

The nine men, total, that ‘ascended’ Mount Nan Day and lived to tell the tale would be commemorated, as  _ everything  _ in the Empire always is. That one tank from Liuxiayu would gain a new name to replace it’s old one. From “Yet Another Batch O’ Lees” to “Gone Flyin’”. 

As Suki and I descended that mountain, she told me “oh, and you’ve got something on your face.” I rushed over to a mirror-like pond and looked at myself.  _ A red makeup kiss _ . “Again?” She insisted that it was “By accident!”. “How?” “Perhaps when I tackled you before the ambush started? Now, will you stop asking complicated questions?” and she sighed. “You just gave a long response.” she punched me in the  _ ‘that stings’  _ arm. As we continued walking, she heel-spun and pointed at me. “I just realized something! You ascended a peak today. Good job, Imperial Heirmaker!  _ Your training has only just begun _ !”  _ Thanks, Sukes _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we rejoin the Empress while she listens to some Pu-On Tim Zutara while Mori *tries* to do some planning!  
> Tries.  
> Poor Mori. Not-Zuko's thrusts are just too damn loud.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Island-Storming Folks:  
> -Mengxiang is the name of a district in Ba Sing Se  
> -The issue of the Sun being too high is because Suki and Mori grew up on Kyoshi Island, which is in the southern hemisphere south of the Antarctic Circle. The Sun in the south would always be low (if even present) while the Sun in the north would go up to ~50 degrees, at best.  
> -In simple: Mori's homeland: High Sun = north. Low Sun = south. Taizigou in the northern hemisphere north of the Arctic Circle: high Sun = south and low Sun = north.  
> -"Long united, must divide. Long divided, must unite. Thus it was. Thus it ever will be." is a rework on the famous first line of Romance of the Three Kingdoms by Luo Guanzhong: "The empire, long divided, must unite; long united, must divide. Thus it has ever been". The original quote refers to the Mandate of Heaven. New Dynasty builds and protects, Old Dynasty lets corruption run rampant. Warlords break off, a new Warlord unifies the Kingdom and starts the New Dynasty.  
> Why use it here? The Lady in question, Koko the Fifth, lived more than a hundred years and saw the time before the Hundred Year War and almost all of it. She knew her ancestors, people who lived during Kyoshi's time and thus had another ~300 years of knowledge to draw from through them. All of that time featured unification, division, factionalism, peace and war.  
> -What does it mean for the Empire? A golden era can only last so long. Are we currently in it? Are we going into it? You'll have to read along and find out.
> 
> -Yes, that was a very long tangent -courtesy flow of discussion- about grooming hair, the Kyoshi Warriors and their antics, and Mori having to eventually, you know, produce an heir.  
> -Mori and Suki's conversation is reflective of their casual nature back on Kyoshi Island. Their discussion does not reflect my beliefs (in the slightest) but I figured that since the two are quite close (not that close, r/Incest  
> -Normally Mori's character would help plan the siege, but as he said in the previous chapter, he's not experienced like the rest of the officers are. I skipped past the planning because Mori was not present for it.
> 
> -On shields. I won't lie, I forgot they were even used for a majority of Records since the only time we see Earth Kingdom soldiers in ATLA are earthbenders or men armed with spears. Chin's army had shields but they were very visible.  
> -I rectified this with the decentralized Army system. Just as with real Chinese history, not all forces were armed equally. The standard in China was jis (dagger-axe spears), shields and crossbows. In the Kingdom, as we saw in Zaofu, jis and crossbows make up the backbone of the militia. Even the Army of the Center, the closest we get to a standard force, they're still using jis, shields and crossbows (and earthbenders). Even a standardized force has a discrepancy in shaft length.  
> -The 'new' shield is this. https://preview.redd.it/gl0hgna2sq031.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ee1843df59ff84b7ee6b16cd06caa79226071d7 .  
> -Body and face markings inspired by the Picts and Germanic peoples. This: https://allthatsinteresting.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/pict-painting-of-warrior.jpg  
> -At some point in the future, I may expand Nan Day's surprise attack. I prefer having Mori be honest enough to go 'I was still feeling the effects of this rice wine' to explain what was going on properly.  
> -Tank names are a real thing. https://taskandpurpose.com/mandatory-fun/tank-names  
> -The 'He Send Their Regards' in honor of the He Jin, the General from just before the Three Kingdoms era. He was a man from a butcher's family who went on to butcher the Ten Attendants.  
> -Other names need not be defined. Figure it out.  
> -Rinchen and Kazuhiro will return.


	35. Gone to a Play, Try Again Later?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mori dreams of a new way of warring, Toph prefers doing instead of dreaming...
> 
> ...and that somehow entails ending up watching/listening to Pu-On Tim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me 171 days from when I started Chapter 1, but I finally reached Chapter 100.
> 
> Expect daily (or twice a day) updates from here on out.

Chapter: One Hundred and One

_ “Your Majesty, wake up!” some voice called to me. It sounded like it belonged to Suki but it was different in some regard. It was like it was her...but it also wasn’t _ .  _ Not as...high? I pulled my blanket off and there I was, in Oyaji’s old house, namely inside the old bedroom the two of us shared because Sai got her own bedroom. “Wake up! We have a war to get to!” this...Suki-like voice was calling to me from just beyond the doorway. Sunlight was gracing the mountains out the window, so that meant it was spring. I got out of bed, looked down, and...of course, of course “Suki, did you steal my kimono-tunic?” I shouted at someone to whom the word ‘sister’ felt more descriptive who also...likes stealing kimono-tunics...sometimes...because pranks. This not-Suki voice repeated “We have a war to get to!” from just beyond the doorway. I opened the closet and found...armor? Why does Kyoshi Island have a set of common issue Imperial Army armor? I pulled the layers of clothes on, shades of green and yellow, and grabbed the conical hat, this one more pointed than most, and wore it. “We have a war to get to!” she conveniently reminded me just as I finished dressing. I looked around my room and found...not what I’d expect to. Her weapons weren’t anywhere to be seen and whatever or wherever this was...neither was my blade. Or my wooden training stick. I did find a crossbow and some bolts. “We have a war to get to!” this Suki-like impersonator repeated in panicked exacerbation. _

_ I ran out of the house and came upon the normal clearing. Except it was...a battlefield? Somehow, there were artillery trucks parked up the village, to my left, next to the multistory Great House. They conveniently began launching shells when I looked at them. To the right, there were Tundra Tanks driving off the beach and up the road. But there were no boats transporting them. Their grinding only began when I looked at them. I heard the whir of aircraft engines and looked up to see a macabre dance. A fire jet swooping around, except in the shape of a monoplane. The small black dart was dueling a bright green biplane. The biplane pilot was smart. He pulled a Teo Maneuver and forced the jet to stall. Then he turned his biplane around and launched a crossbow bolt out the front. For some reason, I heard this crossbow launch like it was next to my ear. The bolt hit the jet and exploded, raining shrapnel on the village. And around me, something just as strange. People dressed like Kyoshi Islanders were hiding behind cover, leaning out just as Imperial soldiers did during the Second Siege, in both cases with crossbows in their hands. They’d release a crossbow bolt at the oncoming tidal wave of...firebenders, that’s who was to the right, charging us, then they’d go back behind their cover. Then the skies roared with a hundred of these jet-monoplanes. And a hundred green biplanes. I don’t know why but I knew it was exactly a hundred for either side without counting. The fire jets launched whooshing fireballs and the biplanes launched explosive bolts. Sometimes they’d crash into each other. And I was in the middle of it. I then focused on the artillery. They were launching shells towards the beach. For some reason, as I looked at one of the four artillery pieces, time slowed down so I could watch the shell as it zoomed overhead before coming down on a platoon of firebenders.  _

_ I ran behind cover just in time for the time itself to go back to normal speed. All these people looked like Kyoshi Islanders, but I didn’t know any of their faces. I joined one group of four behind their cover. We broke cover in sequence, each one getting a bolt off with their crossbow. For some reason time slowed down when I aimed, allowing me to precisely pick the soldier’s neck -where the armor was weakest- to release my bolt. It always found its mark. The skies cried as aircraft parts rained down. We were killing these firebenders but more kept coming. And off at sea, a ship with...four naval artillery pieces on the front suddenly popped up. No precedent, and the sea was clear a moment earlier, but there it was. I could hear the Captain, his thick Penghu Islands accent distinct, as he announced “Launch!” Time slowed down allowing me to shout to my companions “Retreat!” because I guess...I knew...yeah I knew...those shells would hit me. I don’t know why I knew but...I just knew. It’s a weird sensation. Like the chill of anxiety with the uneasiness associated with certainty. “We can hold the line!” a woman, one of the four, yelled back to me. Where was my title? I don’t know. I ran as far as I could and as those shells screamed as they fell, I dived for the ground and prayed to Kyoshi I wouldn’t die. My heart was racing. Boom, bo-bo-boom. The earth shook furiously. Dirt flew upwards like a geyser before crashing down on my neck. Without putting in the effort of getting up, I was suddenly standing and looking back where the four were. The house and the four were gone. It was just a crater. How was I not dead? The plot armor protected me. The artillery launched their retaliatory strikes and one of these four struck the massive cruiser in the midsection. A plume of water ascended into the sky.  _

_ Where was the Unagi? As if reality, or what I thought was reality, answered my questions, I looked towards the beach and on the left flank, my left, the Unagi’s body lay twisted. It was filled with giant crossbow bolts. Ballista. I looked up at the sky and the aerial battle was far from over. One fire jet came so low it knocked me backwards with a wind-gust before accidentally clipping a wing out at sea and flipping over itself. Then exploded. I don’t know why it exploded. Do aircraft explode when they stop functioning? A fire blast flew past my face and I lowered my crossbow and struck the firebender in the chest. He reached for the crossbow bolt but it wasn’t it time. He fell down and died. The next man came carrying some kind of...spear. He was dressed like a nonbending soldier. Only now did I notice that my crossbow became a repeating crossbow. One miao. One bolt. Clunk. Clink. Thunk. It was reloaded as repeating crossbows are, except this drawstring was...fast. Really fast. I could lose two bolts into this spearman in a single miao. One to the chest and one to the face. I ran up to him before he could finish falling and grabbed the spear from his hands. This spear had a long pointed tip, like a crossbow bolt tip but prolonged. I opted to test it out against the next oncoming soldier. But this time, I was joined by an entire battalion of Imperial Army soldiers. Men who were also wielding this spear. We formed a spearwall without any kind of communication and braced against an onslaught of firebenders and nonbender soldiers. I thrusted this spear forward and it went right through an Imperial Firebender’s armor like it was parchment. How? I don’t know how it could do that so efficiently or so...well. But then I noticed the speartip and how pointy it was. It was made for armor piercing. A single fireblast striking the man to my left sent the entire mass into a rout with someone’s call to “retreat!”. The ships -yes, now ships, cruisers as big as Empire-class battleships- off at sea thundered another volley and before I knew it, boom, crash, a plume of dirt sent skywards before raining down on us...and most of those men running away were dead.  _

_ A hot wind came at me from the south. The sky was given this whitish hue to take back from the beauty of a springtime sunrise. I looked around. Everyone was...gone. Gone like they were never there to begin with. Gone like the village, my home, was deserted. And ahead of me was a platoon of Imperial Firebenders wearing white capes. Slowly advancing towards me. Two tundra tanks, painted white and red, followed them. Their firebender turrets were opened. I took my crossbow and managed to empty a clip of bolts into the platoon, but I don’t know why, most were knocked down but they weren’t all dead. One decided to charge me. I blocked his punch with my spear, but he snapped my spear in two with the punch. I took the pointy end and stabbed him through the central eye slit. He fell and the next man came. Why they attacked one at a time, I don’t know. But they did. I tried using my spear as a blade but he set the thing on fire. I dropped the charred remains of it. I was left with my fists. “Kowtow in surrender!” he shouted. “No!” was my simple rejection. Someone was telling me to “Wake up” but it was a voice I could not place. Then I came forward with a punch. “Wake up!” He blocked it and...grabbed me. He grabbed me and suddenly I remembered that night...with Shinji, and that...all of it. No. How? Why? How? “Wake up!” this voice once again yelled into my ear. This white-caped man, perhaps the Spirit of Death itself, drew his blade of milky-white to strike the death blow. _

When this person who cared to wake me up grabbed my chest, I actually screamed. And suddenly my ears sounded like my ears, not as...muffled. This person who cared to grab my chest received my attempt to bop them. I wasn’t going to die to this Spirit of Death without a fight. He could grab me for the death blow and it didn’t matter. He could stab me and I’d keep trying. I’ll punch him until my blood turns the beautiful greens of Kyoshi Island red. I don’t care. Except...this person who grabbed my chest let out a girl-like cry of “Ow! What was that for,  _ Kyoshi? _ ” 

And my good eye opened to look up at...the ceiling. A ceiling mural of mountains and forests. Of ancient Earth Avatars practicing earthbending. Of badgermoles frolicking in fields of golden earth coins. Of statues decorating this landscape portrait. And I looked to my right but not before receiving a hand to the chest. “First you sound like your heart’s going to go on a race and now this?” the Empress grouchily, perhaps rightfully, asked while  _ ow, are you pinching my chest?  _ I asked “My heart was racing?”, having to blink to make sure I still wasn’t... _ there _ ,  _ with that white-caped man _ ...and I received a great sign of being alive and in reality: a shoulder hammerfist. “Yes, I thought your heart was going to go for a run but here you are.”  _ Here I am? Wh- but last I checked I was _ … I asked her, disbelief thick in my tone “Your Majesty, last I checked I was on the train back here.” Like it was obvious to her, she countered with “You were, and Suki tried waking you up. But she said you were exhausted, I wasn’t listening and I wasn’t there.”  _ You really are great at being specific and helpful, you know that?  _ “How did I get here?” I asked the Empress, who at this point took her hair bracelet out of her hair and tossed it at the nearest wall. “Ask them” and she pointed straight ahead and to my left. I rolled over on my other side,  _ ow, that stings _ , and received a “Hello.” from one of the two shadowy figures standing there. I put Pai Sho tiles together fast. “Let me guess, you two carried me?” “That’s correct, Your Majesty” the one with a disliking for brevity added. I rolled back over to my Empress. “And you said something about my heart?” I continued, both pretending to be stupid and also actually being stupid. After a yawn, she explained “Well you just got here, so I thought maybe to wake you up.”  _ Ah. Right. Of course. The moment you get involved everything’s expedited.  _ “And you did, it seems,” I half-jokingly replied. “The old people from that Infirmary were scared you were ill but I was like ‘nah’ and-” she flexed her muscles “guess who turned out to be right?” she rhetorically asked.  _ You.  _ She kissed her fists. “Me.” She kissed her fists again. “You.” “Yup. Me.” and she kissed her fists, again.

Part of why I knew this was reality is if this was a dream, this would’ve turned into a oogie-fest. Akin to those plays where the main characters, for no understandable reason, after a discussion of nearly any kind, suddenly conclude intimacy is essential. The same plays where the man or woman or both forget their clothes at the door to their easily accessible tent but suddenly the tent is completely isolated so nobody gets to hear them whisper sweet nonsense to one another. Or have to endure their miserable attempts at the makings of love. Granted, I don’t have those dreams and I’m basing all this on the Archives which contains stories that sound like they were written by celibate authors. But this is reality. And in reality, Her Imperial Majesty and I do not participate in such peasant-like actions. We participate in actions of the nobility. Like when I reopened my good eye again after a pause and found Toph picking her nose with full intent to gain enjoy from it. Or noticing that she was not dressed up like a fancy noble but in some kind of undershirt of whitish green and that usual short short undergarment of olive green. Because everyone knows nobility wear is for,  _ ha _ , nobles, and we aren’t nobles. We’re the Empress and Emperor! Our clothes are ours and ours alone. If she wants to wear sarashi one night and an undershirt another,  _ that _ is the Empress’s clothes.  _ Anyways _ .

“Kyoshi, I heard you fought well in that Bei Night Island.” and she hit me on the shoulder with her nose-picking hand. Surely, a holy act that many would faint over. I politely offered a correction to her, “Nan, Day,” while pulling the blanket up over myself. “Whatever” was her polite response with polite tones included. I needed the blanket because  _ someone  _ stole my Imperial Informal Robes and that’s not very, _ guess _ , noble. “Did you steal my Imperial Informal Robes?” I asked her while looking at the pair of shadow people to my left. “I did. I prefer hearing hearts with my ear.” and despite the dim light of the room, I could make out her pointing at her ear and wagging it with her hand. Forgetting who I was addressing, “Did you wash that ear? I could have a bunch of bare-chested people’s blood on it.” “Bare-chested people? My, my, Kyoshi, you’re really picking fun microstates to invade.” and for  _ that  _ I received, no, not a shoulder punch, a heel-kick to the shoulder.  _ How do you roll around to do that so quickly? Also, why?  _ “How is that fun? Thousands died” I countered, really curious about what she’d say. She chuckled while taking a few crawls over to me and  _ well there goes my blanket, thanks for ripping it off _ , “You fought bare-chested people? That includes men  _ and  _ women. Must’ve been fun for your ‘ethics.’”  _ My ethics? What?  _ “What ethics?” I asked her, trying to recall what part of Kyoshian Ethics forbade stabbing a man or woman in the chest just because he or she forgot their shirt. Sure, in all the folktales, people never kill women...for some reason. I have no idea why.  _ But you’re Toph, you’ve never read a folktale. You’ve never read anything at all _ . “That’s my point, Kyoshi! What ethics?” she said in a mock tone, raising her hands up in celebration of success. I idly laid there while she removed the blanket and opted for one of her favorites:  _ Ow, please stop sitting on my chest, I’m not a chair _ . I was treated to her elbow-length hair acting as a beautiful blind for her face. Eventually her nose-picking must’ve tired her because “I was joking.” When she admitted to joking, I know she’s actually hit rock, ha, bottom. And by rock bottom I mean she’s admitted defeat. I could’ve tried to maybe push her off, but no, she sat down on my chest and in doing so locked my arms in because  _ you sneaky, sneaky, master earthbender _ . And  _ she  _ knew that I wasn’t about to move my arms because...she’s Toph, and for me to throw her off me would require trying to beat her in this kind-of-a-wrestling match. 

_ You clever...wait, two can play this game.  _ “If you get  _ off  _ my arms, I can do your hair!” I exclaimed, also smiling because doing the Empress’s hair is a fun pastime. “You  _ could  _ move your arms yourself.” and she,  _ ow why did you kick my shoulder,  _ kicked my shoulder. “We both know that’s not going to happen” I replied, accidentally admitting failure. She pushed me on with the inquisitive sarcastic “Why?” I proved defeat with “Because I’m not strong enough”  _ okay, that was actually the truth. She’s sitting where my elbows are and thus on the joint, so I actually have no move-ability potential. Move-ability isn’t a word, right? Or is it?  _ That admittance, that honest truth, made her laugh so hard she fell over and almost headbutted me had she not  _ stuck her hand out and used my face as a hand rest. Ow. That’s my nose. I like noses. Almost as good as my mouth or my good eye. Pretty...sensible...to like. Because...they are one of my senses. Hey, Suki, I know you’re reading this and I know you mock me for my social skills at times. Mock me. Go ahead and laugh. I earned it. I’m dueling a woman who’s like four Consort’s feet tall when she stands on her toes and she’s got the raw arm strength of not-really on the scale of no to yes while I have the raw arm strength of carrying someone who weighs the same as a smaller sack of grain, or one Empress in weight. _

Having had some fun but not yet done, “Dai Li! Get out!” and the two agents walked up the walls -  _ sure, why not _ \- and disappeared. Then she opted to strike a deal with me. “And what will  _ you  _ do if I let your arms go?”  _ The Empress is bartering with me. _ “I’ll do your hair!” I insisted, preempting that foot-kick-shoulder-strike. “That’s already on the table” and she leaned in close enough I could receive her lifeless green eye glare and she could be  _ intimidated  _ by my one blue eye. Yes, intimidated.  _ You’re a genius, self _ . “I’ll...give you a back massage?” and I had to pause at the beginning to wonder what the next possible bargain would be. “No, that’s part of your job, Kyoshi” and she cracked her shoulders with some arm rotations. Then resumed her too-close-for-lying  _ I’m looking directly into your soul  _ look, except we both know she doesn’t believe in souls so that whole intimidation factor isn’t that...scary. And also, because she was this close and I couldn’t help myself, “Your green eyes look great in such dim light!”  _ okay, self, will your conversation changer work?  _ “That’s sweet of you, but you’re not my Imperial Eye Complimenter. And your  _ eyes _ are great, too.” and I could hear the sarcasm seeping from her voice like her hair was seeping its way onto my skin.  _ Maybe don’t use the word seep, it’s not a fluid _ . “Eye, singular” I stupidly went along with her sarcasm.  _ Disastrous attempt at flirting, success! At being disastrous.  _ She smirked. “I’ll massage you with my own two hands.” I tossed that vague-enough-to-be-misunderstood statement in. “Ah, a full body massage. Your cousin speaks highly of such potential” and she  _ had  _ to say that while pretending to be a fancy noblewoman’s voice, didn’t she?  _ I can’t just say no, can I.  _ “No.” I should’ve predicted her angry-not-actually-angry-it’s-all-an-act, just-wants-something-specific response of wrapping her arms around my chest and headbutting my nose with her head of hair. “You do not say ‘no’ to the Empress!” she made sure to speak...loudly...into my face.  _ I can’t just say no.  _ “Yes. You want a ‘full body’ massage. I’ll set the boundaries on-”  _ why do you keep adding words like a bad archer launching arrows into his feet  _ “I set the boundaries, I’m the Empress!” She said with such vigor and determination to  _ get  _ that body massage that I almost wondered why she didn’t ask my cousin, who is greatly my superior on such matters -and also a woman- for the honor. So, because I’m me, I asked “why don’t you ask Suki?” “Maybe I will,” she said with just enough genuineness I wondered if she was telling the truth. And thus assumed she’d leave it at that. I asked, “How about...something  _ you  _ want to do, Toph?” only for her to try and successfully grab me for an embraceable moment of embracing. “I want to go to a play! Your favorite ‘adult’ playwright wrote a new play called ‘Mixing Fire and Ice’ and I’d like to go to it. After a whole day of sweaty sweaty monorail work I  _ need  _ a break. And I’d like you-” and I couldn’t see her face but she said ‘you’ with such childlike happiness  _ how could I say no? _ , “-to come along!” and she gripped my sword-arm shoulder. “I’ll come, Your Majesty. But I’d rather save the massage until after” and I tried, tried, begging for my end. But her elation, her genuine passion for the fine arts, won out over her sarcasm. “I don’t care! Just come with me to this play!”  _ As you wish, Toph. I’d love to. As long as you don’t steal my pants.  _ “I’ll be happy to, Toph” and she gave me a headbutt. A headbutt of affection, perhaps. Or a headbutt because when she’s happy and her arms are wrapped around things she has to resort to more creative means to bonk people in close proximity to her. “Where’s it going to be held, Toph?” and now  _ I  _ was... _ happy? Really? Pu-On Tim? Really? _ ,  _ oh well it’s Toph, she enjoys this stuff _ . “There’s a Royal Theater in our Palace Compound I didn’t care about until earlier. He’s bringing his actors and actresses there.”  _ So it’s just next door. Saves me the security hassle.  _ I asked a stupid question in the name of security. “Are we the only ones attending?” “ _ We _ are” and she headbutted my shoulder. “And I’ve already got a bed there. So we can lie down, eat dinner in bed, and I can listen to the play while you watch it.” “I’d be happy to come along, Your-” nope, she heard my formal voice and mentally went ‘no’, hitting back with “I have a name.” As she wished, I spoke the title that I thought was personally a much better title than all those fifty titles -except maybe Blind Bandit- “Toph.” She lifted her head up, letting me catch a glimpse of a smile through that carpet of great-smelling -only the freshest of muds- black hair. “There you go.” She grinned. 

Normally, when one says ‘to get it off one’s chest’ they mean it metaphorically. Stress, anxiety, what have you. But just as I’m the only person in all Three Nations and One Egg who gets the privilege of seeing the Empress wearing a whitish-green undershirt for sleepwear, I’m also probably the only person to whom ‘get it off one’s chest’ refers to a person, literally. Actually correction, I’m sure Suki -in whatever closet she’s currently in- would remark the same about Sokka. Except, again, despite the wishes of many ‘oops they vanished’ Ministers, the Empress is  _ not  _ as...well I can’t say what they say about her. It’s the kind of stuff that would make Kyoshi’s blood boil. And thankfully for us all, the Dai Li happily serve the role of ‘Makes Kyoshi’s blood boil? We can handle that’. Thank you shadow people. And ceiling people. Her Imperial Majesty removed herself from my chest and announced “Kyoshi, you don’t need to dress all stuffy for this.” I might as well take after my Empress. “What are you wearing, Your-”  _ nope, use the correct title _ , “-Toph?” “Right now? I’m wearing a single shirt. It could disappear if things get too heated. Or it couldn’t.”  _ Right. Right. Of course.  _ I slapped myself in my face. I picked the right question. “What are you planning to wear?” “My wrestling outfit. Then I’ll change into this since we’ll be sleeping in a bed together.”  _ Right, I forgot. We’re getting dressed to get undressed. This is not yet the strangest case of ‘whoops there went my pants’ I have experienced. Mostly because nobody stole them….yet. Yet. _

Before we could get to any plays, Toph had some new...requests. While we sat together on the edge of the bed, she pointed at me,  _ ow that’s my chest _ , and loudly proclaimed. “You haven’t gotten a workout in recently, have you Kyoshi?” I nodded, then remembered she couldn’t see the nod. “I haven’t, Toph.” She flexed her knuckles and smiled. “Good. Get on the floor.” and, quite unsure of exactly what she was about to plan, I sat down on the floor. “Wrong position, Kyoshi. It won’t hurt you if you’re like that.”  _ It won’t hurt…  _ I involuntarily sounded higher pitched than intended when I asked “Toph...what ‘won’t hurt?’” and she laughed. “Something.” I groaned a “ _ What _ ?” She snapped out of one tone and into another. “Kyoshi, push-ups position,  _ now _ .” and then I got it. I rolled over and got into a push-up position. Just as I’d ask her long, long ago while we were on the run, “How many pushups, Toph?”. And just like long ago, instead of immediately answering she hopped onto my back, making me exhale far louder than is probably appropriate. “Kyoshi, I want...oh...thirty.” I would say ‘you’ve got to be kidding’ but she wasn’t. 

While I worked my way up from nothing to something,  _ one, two, three, four, five... _ she summoned some attendants to get her her wrestler attire. I thought I was getting a break since she hopped off for a half- _ fen _ , but, true to my word, I remained at push-up number ten until she was back. And once she did return, she was adorned in wrestling attire. Not one to simply lie back and let others do the work for her,  _ well… _ , she told me “Let’s find out if you’re able to finish the last ten in the time it takes me to do up my hair.” An attendant handed her her hair bracelet with the white puffballs, it  _ felt  _ like she put it on my neck, only for her to remove it soon after. “I’m done!” she proudly declared while I was just finishing the twenty-fifth push-up. She poked my head. “And you’ve got four left to go! But it’s okay, we’ll  _ race _ .” and she hopped off my back and laid down next to me. She got into a ready position for push-ups. “Each of us has to do ten, right Kyoshi?” “Right.”  _ Ten? _ The two of us took to starting “At the count of whatever, right Kyoshi?” “Right.” So Toph did the announcing. “Ten, twenty, five, whatever!” and we set off. Surprising to her, I  _ beat  _ her and jumped up while she was still at...I have no idea but I was done. I finished quicker than her because, as she intended, the back-sitting is strength training. “We both know I would’ve gotten  _ more  _ done, Kyoshi.” “Most likely.” 

“Can I have some time to get my hair queued?” She stuck a sweaty hand into my hair and played with it. “Sure, get some girly soap on it while you’re at it, too.” I sighed. I went over to the Consort’s Bedroom, put on the Imperial Informal Robes and grabbed a scabbard. Then I sat down and the attendants got to work queuing my hair up. Toph waited, patiently, standing not in the doorway but a hole in the wall she made for herself, picking her ear. It should be said that that...dream...was having an effect on me while I waited for my hair to get done. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Thankfully for me, Toph was busy picking her ear and the attendants were going to take a few  _ fen  _ to make my hair nice and clean and queued up all properly. So I took the time to think. 

_ Artillery on Kyoshi Island? Coastal defenses? Hundreds of aircraft? Well that makes sense, I saw a flock of a hundred the other day so now my mind knows what they look like. Explosive crossbow bolts? We have those. Maybe I should get more? Tundra Tanks, or Imperial Battle Tanks? Sure the Fire Nation would have vehicles they own. But the massive ship? A battleship. A battleship with four artillery pieces on the front. We could do with more naval advancements and bigger ships are always appreciated. We have cruisers being mass-produced in the drydocks, right? Naval offensive artillery was pivotal during the Second Siege of Caldera. At least...until the Colonial Navy vanished. Went home. Found more important things to do. Naval offensive artillery is a necessity.  _

_ The army had...no benders. It was all repeating crossbows and these new...spears. They looked like armor-piercing spears. Repeating crossbows have proven their potential in battle after battle. Combined with cover, they prove an excellent way for a nonbender to match up against even a master firebender. Sure, many will die, but every dead master firebender can’t be so easily replaced. No...that can’t be it. We have all these things in one form or another. What is it? What could it be. Wait... _

_ The army. They all routed. Everyone routed. They had the technology. They had the orders to brace, but they ran. And this is also realistic. How many times have our lines been broken with ease? Imagine fighting a technologically equal or superior foe? Our armies would break with barely any losses! That’s it! That’s what the dream was telling me! I need to get the army reformed, now! Get it reformed before we face another rebellion or major war!  _

So I interrupted Toph’s ear-picking with “Toph! We need to reform the military, now!” in a panicked tone. “Oh, Kyoshi. You can wait.” she responded, almost annoyed at my suggestion. I recalled the blunders and pointed them out. “But...after Nan Day, that was an organized Army and it had problems”. “And it can wait, right?” she asked, pulling her finger out of her ear. “No, it can’t!” I almost bordered on begging. “Oh...Kyoshi.” and she put a hand on my shoulder. “It can wait  _ one  _ night. Right?” She said this while speaking into my face instead of normal, speaking towards whatever direction she felt was comfortable. Trading lifeless glares with my good eye. I...I really wanted to do it now. But...she’s my Empress. And she wants to listen to a play. And beyond it being my  _ job  _ to go with her, both for security and to provide her some sort of pleasurable company, I  _ want  _ to. I do  _ want  _ these times in my life. Times when the two of us can just lie back and enjoy...events. Together. It’s the point of all of this. But...the army. The reforms. My duty to my Empire and my Empress demanded I plead. “Toph, if I reform the army now, we can attend a play later!”. “No” and she grabbed my hand and pulled me after her. “After all that fighting, you’ve definitely wanted to spend  _ some  _ time with your Empress, right?” she asked, pretending to be cutesy but also, beneath the prank, she genuinely had that sense of desire. Of a need to spend time with me after  _ everything  _ we’ve been through. It hit me, she  _ is  _ my Empress. My duty  _ is  _ to her. I wasn’t going to say no. Her word comes before anything else and it’s that simple. “I’d love to go with you” I stupidly said out loud. “How oogie!” she cheer-laughed. Before I could recognize the absolute stupidity of my line, she grabbed me by the hand, said “Let’s go,” and pulled me after her. The Imperial Guards kowtowed. I’m sure they’d have laughed at the sight. Where was Suki? In Toph’s words, “I gave her the night off for keeping my pillow safe.” Meaning she was...well I don’t want to guess what she  _ was  _ doing, was it hanging out with the Kyoshi Warriors? A special night with not-a-prince Prince Sokka? Who knows. Either way, Toph pulled me after her while all those we passed kowtowed out of respect to their Empress. Their Empress who was dragging me like a little girl dragging someone to ‘just one more game’ at a Fire Festival event in the Colonies. Except this was no little girl, this was a young woman. And she was no young woman, she was  _ Toph _ .

We departed through the North Gate, which is almost never used, and down the ‘back’ stairs to the Imperial Carriage. There were no horns or gongs as the guest houses are on the more famous south side and the northern side remains constantly eerily vacant. Sometimes I forget how  _ big  _ the Imperial Palace Compound is. There’s dozens of buildings here, all ‘Palaces’ of one form or another. Why the North Gate? The Empress’s Bedroom and my own are actually on the northern side of the Palace and it's much easier to take a few lefts and rights and go out the ‘back’ door, as the Imperial Guard nickname it. It is within the Northern section of the Palace Compound that the Imperial Theater resides. The Imperial Theater is a small, mostly open, two story structure. It’s decorated in the same green and gold style as the Imperial Palace except much smaller. The Theater has no doors. There’s a Throne, now a Throne-bed, inside the building itself. On the other end of a long -held up with pillars- hall was to sit a hundred-foot wide stage. I mention the pillars because to either side of the hall is the outside. Outside, ponds with junipers and hollys are placed to ensure brightly colored foliage all year. The junipers have leaves of white and light green and the hollys are gold. 

When the Imperial Carriage stopped and Toph and I got out, I stopped and listened to the birdcalls. It was just around sunset, the clouds to our east forming a high pink wall, so I got to hear the twilight chorus of birds. Our predecessor’s fascination with all kinds of animals resulted in some fifty different songbirds being imported to his Palace. The only problem is Ba Sing Se is so far north half the birds froze to death in winter. To alleviate this, a large number of chickadee-thrushes and other northern birds from Xishan were imported with boxes. Then the professors learned that birds being transported by box results in their deaths so they went and used cages instead. I’m sure there's a fascinating account of a professor wandering into uncivilized lands where tribes still reign but I’m not him so I can’t record that. And they fit right at home here. So while Toph ran inside, er, into the hall, I stood there and listened to a gravelly mating call of ‘ _ chick-a-dee-dee-dee _ ’. Somewhere inside, the esteemed playwright’s voice personally greeted Toph with “It’s an honor to be in Your Majesty’s presence.” I ignored his pre-written speech to admire the hooting of some kind of owl-kingfisher. Such wondrous sounds, so foreign to the capital.

I don’t know how long I stood there, gazing up at the trees that were slowly taking on the black silhouettes of the dark but I know it came to an end with a pair of Imperial Guards grabbing me and apologizing, “Sorry for not warning Your Majesty, Her Imperial Majesty wants you in bed,  _ now _ .” followed by me being dragged over to a large bed with a smaller version of the Badgermole Throne for a headboard, followed in turn by me being tossed into bed. This part of the hall was quite dark so I had no idea what I was being tossed onto. I know that some hand grabbed my chest and the bed shouted “No, I said  _ without  _ clothes!” Before the quick-witted Imperial Guards could take off my Imperial Informal Robes, I did it myself. I received another hand to the chest and a “good” and that was my sign to climb under the blanket. I received a shirt-like shirt, the wrestling attire, to the face, which I didn’t understand why, and involuntarily dropped it on a chair to my left. Because there’s always a chair or a nightstand to the left of the bed. Except there wasn’t a chair there so it fell to the floor.  _ Time to get comfortable _ .

Now that I was lying in bed, I could look down the hall at a brightly lit stage. A roly-poly man in orange with a thin black mustache and matching color black cap stepped out in front of the wide stage. He kowtowed. A courtier of ours handed me a small scroll with the poster of the play. Thanks to a lantern-carrying Imperial Guard, I could read it from the comfort of lying on a soft bed. It featured a young woman dressed as a Southern Water Tribeswoman and a Fire Nation man in Royal Fire Prince’s Armor embracing in a kiss of some kind while the background is an explosion. Nothing more specific than ‘an explosion’. I didn’t have time to read the summary, and I already had the hunch I probably wouldn’t like it. “You ready for the play?” I asked the bundle of blankets -it’s just one blanket- that is the Empress. Because she really likes plays, she yelled “Let’s go already!” and ruffled the blanket. The roly poly man rose and announced “Presenting, ‘Mixing Fire and Ice,’” before giving a bow to the ‘audience’, the two of us, and walking off the ‘stage’, the hall, to the right. “You want some snacks, Your Majesty?” I asked the single blanket silhouette of a woman lying back with her hands behind her head. “I do.” she said, quietly. Then, much louder, “bring out the snacks!” and she shook the blanket. A pair of courtiers walked out with trays of fire flakes and other kinds of flake-like flake products that may or may not be flakes. They put them down on the table set up next to the left side of the bed and I took a flake from each bowl to taste them.  _ Nothing poisonous, yet _ . After doing this, the play began.

The stage opened to a backdrop of the Royal Turtleduck Ponds in the Royal Estates of the Fire Nation. There, we followed a man dressed as Fire Lord Zuko with a painted on scar -so small it's barely a scar- and a brass -not gold- Fire Lord Headpiece, walking over to a  _ tree  _ -an actual tree- in the middle of the stage. There, a young woman dressed like a Southern Water Tribe...I guess Princess...relaxed, or maybe slumped, against a tree. “I shall hope our arranged marriage goes well!'' The man dressed like a Fire Lord said in such a high-pitched voice I was prepared to find out the plot-twist was he was a eunuch. “Oh, my Lord, I have always desired this” the woman dressed like a Princess responded. “Flakes! Where’s my flakes!” the Empress asked while grabbing my arm and pulling on it. “Here” and I leaned off the bed, took a bowl, and hung it in the air. “You’re going to have to get out from under the blanket” I made note to her. So she got out of the blanket and wrapped it around her chest. Despite it being a hot summer night, she preferred wearing a blanket over not. She sat up against the pillows while I put the bowl in her hands. There, she noisily chomped down on her flakes, commenting “these are delicious!” and thanking  _ me _ with “Thanks for these” and a finger poke where the fingers were stained with the oily byproducts of the flakes. 

Back to the play, as I had missed some of it, I returned at a random point. The Fire Lord person and the Princess took to holding one another’s hands and...I don’t even know, looking into each other’s eyes? They were flirting with one another. “Oh, your hair is as black as midnight during the winter!” from the Water Tribe woman and “And your skin is as soft as silk” from the Fire Lord person.  _ What in the name of Kyoshi am I watching _ ? Looking over at Toph, she seemed content.  _ And this derailment has only just begun hasn’t it?  _ “Toph, can I do some writing while watching this?” I asked, hoping if she’d say yes then maybe some good could come from this. “No” she said while opting not to close her mouth while eating.  _ I guess not _ . I stupidly asked. “I’m supposed to sit here and watch this?” “Yes” she replied, snapping flakes in twain with her teeth. I took a bowl of food and put it in my lap. If I had to suffer, I wouldn’t suffer hungrily. I took to eating the flakes with chopsticks. Then gave up because it didn’t work.

“Oh no, someone’s coming!” The man who I assume is the bastardization of the current Fire Lord exclaimed. The woman who, poor Katara -now that’s not a line I often muse- must be a stand-in for Katara gave a quick bow to her...friend? Fire Lord? While he ran off. I had the privilege of facing Toph while a young woman called out “Good morning, Sugar Queen!” And real Toph grinned. “That’s me!” she declared for all the land to hear, happily. “Good morning, Toph” Actress Katara -who now, I notice, is either not wearing much on or her chest was inflamed to a great capacity as a side-effect of...something,  _ I’m sure the plot will let you know _ \- answered. “So, how’s your arranged marriage going?” Actress Toph, who happens to have oversized arm muscles -a fact I’m sure real Toph would greatly wish to hear- asked while sitting down next to this tree. Actress Katara’s face became red as she raised her hands, asked, “how do you know about that?” and shouted  _ down  _ at the woman who somehow must’ve been shorter than Toph actually is. And Toph hasn’t grown in the past year so...I don’t get it. 

“Oh, I was listening to you while you talked to Twinkletoes last night.” Actress Toph said while picking her toes. “Toph, just so you know, she’s picking her toes.” “Her voice sounds like me and her actions are well-within character” real Toph added. Actress Katara mastered the ‘rapid flurry of emotions’ trick, going through blushing, then anger, then feigning confusion.  _ You know, real Katara, even if she’s a nagging woman, has more of a character than nonsensical emotional instability _ . “I don’t know what you’re talking about” Actress Katara defended herself. “Oh yes you do” Actress Toph deepened her voice to sound even more... _ I don’t know? _ ...than real Toph. “I...fine….” the ladylike of the two admitted, annoyed but defeated. Then Actress Katara turned to the audience and leaned forward in a very  _ I need to cover my good eye  _ compromising position, _ considering her...ahem, inflamed chest...and...ahem, lack of clothing...and...where can I buy a Water Tribe parka made like a bikini? I want to know just so I can burn the place down, thanks _ . Actress Katara wept “the Fire Nation took away my mother!” earning the laughter of Pu-On Tim and the courtiers that were with us. “Toph, you  _ do  _ realize real Katara has more personality than ‘my mother died’, right?” The Empress yawned. “She’s...she’s an upjumped peasant who is a master waterbender and expert organizer...she’s not just ‘oh no my mom.’” The Empress yawned again. “This play is doing her an injustice and  _ how often do I say that? _ ” Toph quickly replied -mouthful of flakes- with sarcasm: “If you like the real her so much, why not tell her?” This reminded me that I should close my mouth before Pu-On Tim hears this and something comes of it. Back to the play, Actress Katara said the following sentence “But Aang took away something  _ else  _ I’ll never get back.”  _ in such a...I can’t possibly lump ‘Katara’ and ‘seductive’ into the same sentence, except I just did... _ forget it….tone. Toph laughed so hard she could’ve choked on her flakes. “That’s the greatest line I’ve ever-” she coughed “heard!”. “Oh did he?” Actress Toph asked. Actress Katara blushed and “He did. Last night” This caused both Actress and real Toph to laugh at the same time and end their laughter at the same time. Real Toph hit me in the shoulder. “Oh Kyoshi, wasn’t I right? Isn’t this a great play?” Strained by the ‘ow,’ I said “Yes.” This in turn earned me another punch. “I knew you’d like it!” she declared, happy. Genuinely. No, really. She liked this. 

“So, Sugar Queen’s going to become Fire Queen. Won’t the Fire Nation nobles cook you alive?” Actress Toph asked, loudly laughing at her own statement. Actress Katara looked dour. “We will make it work. They’ll have to learn the  _ might  _ of the Water Tribes!” which earned the courtiers’ laughter and real Toph’s giggles. I really can’t tell what’s supposed to be laughed at and what’s supposed to be sarcastic. Personally, waterbenders are nothing to laugh at. “Oh Sugar Queen, you’re  _ hilarious _ . What about ruling?” and Actress Toph crossed her legs to give herself closer toe-picking access. Actress Katara flailed her hands about. “I’ve taken lessons from Aang.” Real Toph was busy downing more flake-like flakes. “Twinkletoes? What, did he teach you to politely talk to your enemies?” Actress Toph said before howling in amusement.  _ Okay...that might’ve been the first time in this utter nonsense that I let out anything that resembled a laugh. _ “He taught me how to come down on crime with a fist!” Actress Katara clenched a fist and brought it down on the mighty opponent of  _ air _ . “Did he give you lessons while he  _ took something  _ from you?” Actress Toph added, earning real Toph’s laughter. “No...the other way around.” Actress Katara said, putting her hands together and blushing. “Oh? Bloodbending?” and Actress Toph put her hand against a tree. Actress Katara nodded like a kid caught for stealing a piece of fruit. Actress Toph stood up and boomed “Can an earthbender learn bloodbending? I know a guy who could use it! He never has time for me!” and  _ that  _ made real Toph smack her bed with “She did  _ not  _ just say that!” in absolute surprise.  _ Remember the laugh? It died. I think I’m going to faint from this. This is...so bad.  _ I muttered “She did” in shock.  _ Maybe Toph would also be annoyed by this, and we could go back elsewhere, or something _ . “That’s hilarious!” Real Toph said so loud that it made my ears ring. Then she applauded it.  _ I...I’m going to faint _ . With the last of my strength, I put my bowl on the table before falling against the soft pillows...

“Yes! Katara! Bloodbend me harder!” were the magical words from a deep-voiced Actor Zuko that spurred my awakening.  _ Excuse me, what?  _ I opened my good eye  _ and why is Toph lying on top of me? _ “Toph? Can you get off?” I whispered to her. “No, I like it here” she responded to me in a slightly louder voice. Correction, she wasn’t lying completely on me, her head was on my chest and her hair was everywhere. “Yes! Like that!” the same actor grunted.  _ What am I even listening to? Also, am I a bed?  _ I grabbed Toph’s head,  _ find the head,  _ and whispered “Toph, am I a bed?” Toph pushed me off her, instead handing me some of her hair, and said “After you fell asleep, I wanted to find a nice hard headrest to use. And my Imperial Pillow happened to be next to me!” She then went back to lying down on my chest and crossing her hands behind her head. “Yes, Zuko, you’re so hard!” the high-pitched Actress stand-in Katara moaned in happiness.  _ Am I listening to…  _ “Toph, can I get a look?” I asked while maneuvering my hands up to maybe assist her in moving her head. “Oh?” she wondered with surprise. She shuffled her legs and half-sarcastically half-not sarcastically said “I didn’t know you were into the stuff I’m into.” “What stuff?” I muttered but was overshadowed by her saying “This stuff!” loudly, then rolling out of my eyesight.

There was a bed in the middle of the stage. And it was... _ the Imperial Palace?  _ The green walls with gold badgermole motifs... _ what? What? _ The bed had a green blanket and Actor Zuko, or the top-half of him, outside the blanket. That man’s got some  _ muscles, _ let me tell you that. He makes The Boulder look like...well who’s the least muscular person I’ve met? Hmm. Aang? This Actor who, by the way, is playing a seventeen year old, has a  _ pig-goatee _ .  _ And he’s probably thirty.  _ Why did I only just notice this? Maybe he didn’t have one earlier and he put it on now? I had no idea. I couldn’t think over the moaning and grunting happening in front of me. “Toph, this is-” she interrupted me with elation. “Amazing? I know!” As such, she didn’t hear my mumbled second part,  _ ‘not very appropriate.’  _

I mean...Toph’s free to enjoy what she likes and the two adults on the stage are adults, but...well maybe I’m annoyed because I missed the plot. “Toph, what was the plot?” I asked the woman who now decided to put her head back on my chest, her sea of hair going in all directions. “I don’t think there was a plot. Hotman married Sugar Queen and I showed up at some point and left, then Hotman carried Sugar Queen to the bedroom where they’ve spent the past...however long...doing  _ this _ ” and she extended her open palmed hands out towards the stage where the two actors were...doing things.  _ What?  _ Out loud, I asked “What kind of play doesn’t have a plot?” in confusion. “These kinds. And they’re the best kinds.” I looked up at the two on their bed. The sight made me force my mind to wander for my sanity.

My mind returned to  _ army reforms _ . While Toph relaxed on my chest and enjoyed listening to all this grunting and Toph’s statement of “I didn’t know firebenders could firebend with their swords” and associated comments brought on by the characters on stage explaining exactly what they were doing,  _ but...firebenders can firebend with swords... _ I thought about the military. For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was explosive crossbows. I was using some kind of repeating crossbow that was so fast it took no time at all to launch another bolt. Everyone else was using them. We could do with equipping all soldiers with these kinds of crossbows. Bolts are cheap to make, I’d wager we make thousands a day. But my thoughts were interrupted by...

“Zuko, you can last so long!” the Actress screamed in a very...satisfied tone. “That’s right!” the Actor grunted. “And I can extend your endurance, remember-” but she was cut off by me, forcefully, going into my mind and thinking.  _ Who is this play written for? People with no memory? I fainted for most of this and I know she’s talking about bloodbending _ . The two of them embraced beneath a blanket, censoring themselves for the sake of my good eye. While they pleasured themselves with sweet nothings, I could go back to thinking.

The standardization of equipment. All the Kyoshi Islanders were dressed the same,  _ which is pretty obvious,  _ but so was the Imperial Army. Everyone wore the exact same uniform with the same conical hat. Mine was the same but a pointy hat. Everyone had the same style of kind-of hunting spear or repeating crossbow. None of this ‘my spear shaft is four Consort’s feet’ and ‘mine is six Consort’s feet’ nonsense. The Imperial Army needs to become standardized. 

At the same time, the Actor and Actress talked about other kinds of shaft lengths and depths and measurements and other things I wish I had my whiskey for. Toph seemed to enjoy every moment of this, remarking -possibly sarcastically- “how great it would be if the two  _ really did  _ get like this.” Which...it’s probably better not to comment. But I’m me. “Toph, you do realize Katara loves Aang and Zuko loves Mai.” Toph groaned. “But this relationship is more  _ heated _ ” she countered.  _ Right, right, of course. Sarcasm. Back to the military _ .

Regional armies. Earth Kingdom armies never set foot on Kyoshi Island. With the mention of that man, I forgot his name, but he led the Sunan Riders, that would make for a good precedent if successful. Imagine, an army that’s better trained than a militia and instead of the chaotic chain of command in this Empire, assigned a region. Instead of one Army having the responsibility of the Si Wong, the Southlands  _ and  _ Omashu, why not have an army for each? The Si Wong Army, for instance, might never venture out of the Si Wong but it could remain to patrol it. 

At some point, Actress Toph returned and said “Come, Hayashi, let’s see if this bedroom is free!”  _ Wait. Hayashi _ . “Oh no!” real Toph said in pretend fear. “Are they going to stumble on Hotman and-” “We’re using this bedroom!” Actor Zuko interrupted real Toph’s pondering. “Get out! We need it,” Actress Toph said, probably while dragging poor Actor Hayashi. I wasn’t looking. “Let’s  _ split  _ it” Actor Zuko responded, tense or maybe angry. “No. Empire first!” Actress Toph shouted, probably punching the air. “Ten Thousand Years!” the Actress shouted. Then the courtiers who are attending to us but also doing this yelled “Ten Thousand Years!” I didn’t want to look at the bright stage. I looked down my chest at Toph’s bed hair and pulled the blanket up to her neck. She was smiling.  _ Back to important things _ .

If we had regional forces, that could make the soldiers loyal to their region over us. So how do we ensure their loyalty to us? I can’t see Xiong-Lin, Beishan, Nanchang or Dongfang ever having a cause to rebel against us. That’s a large swath of the Empire right there. But let’s say the Xiong-Lin army  _ does  _ rebel.  _ I’ve forgotten one place. Ba Sing Se. _ A minor expedition brought seventy five thousand regulars. That was only a portion of the city’s standing force. Ba Sing Se could easily field a force of a hundred thousand. Or two hundred thousand. And we could staff this force with the best equipment. As for the regional forces? This is something to consult the Council of Five over.

Poor Hayashi. Judging by the sounds of things, he was being tossed through a wall by earthbending. Toph was rolling around cheering “go me!” and “Now  _ that’s  _ what I like to hear!”. I wasn’t going to ask her what the Actress was putting the poor man through and I really  _ didn’t  _ want to see what was happening. I hoped for normalcy but- “Yes, Hayashi! You will give me an heir who is the strongest earthbender of all!”  _ Right. That. That’s what was happening _ .

Nineteen regions? Twenty? I don’t remember exactly what constitutes a region and I don’t know whether or not to count tribal lands or Earth Islanders. Each region could have a force of twenty thousand constantly active troops. If we have twenty regions then the Council of Five could remain. The Five could become like High Generals in the Fire Nation except instead of being reduced to be honorary, they would control other generals. Let’s take the Center. Ba Sing Se, Nanchang, Gaolan, the lands between the Si Wong and East Lake - _ Yizhidifang? _ \- could each have a General in command of a force with General How issuing orders to them. It keeps the chain centralized, like what the Council is supposed to be. The west coast would be confusing as the Great Divide, well, divides, but a compromise is possible.

Toph grabbed my chest, waking me from my meditative thoughts, and yelled “Kyoshi, ain’t this great!” and I used my ears to listen in closely. Didn’t need to try too hard, Actress Toph was moaning while Hayashi went “I am honored to give Your Majesty an heir!” earning laughter from the courtiers and chest-beating -hers- laughs from Toph. She shook me and demanded “I want more plays like this!” followed by “Don’t you want them too?” as she ran a hand up my chest.  _ Sure. For you, why not?  _ “I’ll be more than happy to watch more of this in future, Your Majesty” I professed,  _ as is my duty _ . I handed her a bowl of fire gummies, “here, for you”, and earned a shoulder punch. She went to work eating the gummies while playing with my hair. Back to the future. Wait,  _ the future _ .

More biplanes. We need biplanes that can shoot crossbow bolts out of the front. I only had such a thought because Teo used  _ something  _ like that back in the early spring. So it's possible. It just hasn’t been mass produced. We need biplanes that don’t fall apart half the time. I don’t know about survival, but if only we could test out, I don’t know, escape gliders? Is that even possible? Like the Avatar’s glider, except for pilots.  _ Wait. We have the Avatar. He could test out an escape glider! We could reproduce successful designs! Tree-man, you’re a genius, obviously!  _

“Kyoshi, you sound tired,” Toph remarked, twisting some of my hair around her finger. “I am.” I said, happy. But then I heard the sounds of  _ sliding  _ and sat up. Toph would have to wait in my lap. “Your Majesty!” the Commander, the Head of the Dai Li, called out in his cold voice from just outside the Hall. “Yes, Commander? I’m sure you can see the...uh... _ intimate _ moment you’re interrupting.” I replied with a bit of frustration.  _ This is us time _ . “Your Majesty, your favorite prisoner, that’s what she says she is, wants to see you.” and he put his hands behind him. “Who?” I asked.

He handed me a scroll.  _ Her Royal Majesty, Wielder of the Blue Flame _ …All I told Toph was “Sorry Toph, theater night’s over.” and sat up. She rolled off and  _ sadly  _ asked “Really?” and I stroked her hair. “Really. I  _ have  _ to go.” She felt my chest and knew I was being honest. “Well...Kyoshi...stay safe then.” and she let me sit up. “And try not to get killed or anything.” and she gave me a shoulder punch.

_ That might be harder than you think, Toph.  _

Time to face a nightmare incarnate. A woman who torched a capital from dragonback. A woman who downed the Avatar. A woman who demanded perfection and never lost it, even when her nation fell. A woman who would plan for all eventualities all the time. A woman who was a master torturer and got her information.

Azula.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet the ex-Fire Lord. 
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Interrupted Folks:  
> The dream:  
> -I rarely if ever disclose Mori's dreams. Mori tends to be like the rest of us in that whatever oddities he dreams of are forgotten the moment he wakes up.   
> -This dream was an exception. Just as sometimes we remember a vivid lifelike dream, so can he.  
> -Mori's explanation of his dream was partly inspired by video games (and fiction in general): NPCs will do nothing until you engage in them. Nothing new happens. If the player never arrived at a place, nothing would occur. This is subverted in some video games (sandboxes, namely the Mount & Blade series) where a lack of player involvement just means that the player isn't involved. If he or she doesn't attack an enemy army, the army will move on to do it's original objective.   
> -Most of the events here are subject to dream rules. I.e. Mori knows it's a hundred biplanes because it's a dream and he is sub-subconsciously in control of the dream while he only 'thinks' he's a single character in his own dream.  
> -The Penghu Islands are part of the eastern Fire Isles.  
> -A dream like this lets me let Mori watch one of those folktales he loves reading come to life: Characters with plot armor, vehicles that explode, events not punishing him for not being involved (take, for instance, standing in the middle of a battlefield).   
> -His new weapons are inspired by grounded creativity. He can't dream of guns because as of this chapter, they haven't been invented, yet. Instead: He's seen repeating crossbows, therefore what if "one of those, but faster." He's seen spears and pikes, so what if "one of those, but pointier" for armor piercing purposes.  
> -White is associated with death in the Sinosphere/Orient. Red is for the Fire Nation, not for love/beauty/fertility/good luck as it may normally be.  
> -Mori's dream in a tldr: an age where mass-produced technology replaces benders.  
> -Mori's dream isn't meant to be prophetic, it's his experiences + creativity = conclusion.
> 
> -Studies would show that placing your current monarch on your back helps with strength training, but there are no studies to show it.
> 
> -Yes, this whole play is meant to be a parody of the extremely high amount of smut this fandom produces. Zuko x Katara has a lion-turtle's share of the smut fics, and thus is the ship of parodying choice today.  
> -The play isn't meant to make that much sense. There's no deeper meaning or symbolism or any of that. It's the kind of stuff that the Lower Ringers may eat up en masse and that's it.
> 
> -This chapter establishes the next dozens of chapters. New equipment, new tactics and reformed armies, all under the backdrop of a erotic play.   
> -Toph cares more about erotic plays than reforms. As funny as the concept sounds and is, it will have consequences.


	36. Lake Laogai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We delve into the depths of Lake Laogai to find one woman.  
> Azula.

Chapter: One Hundred and Two

Just as twilight turned to night, I was found in the passenger seat of a Dai Li Transport Truck. Sure, if they can earthbend over things, they wouldn’t need trucks, right? Wrong. Everyone can always use a truck. Their trucks bear no markings and look like any other Middle Ring vehicle owned by any other Middle Ring merchant. The Imperial Palace Grounds were quiet as to be expected, save for the hum of the truck engine. Two more Dai Li hopped on when we went through the first Gate to the Upper Ring. I messily did my completely undone hair into a topknot with a tie -courtesy one of the Dai Li who was carrying extras- and tied up my clothes to look as proper as I possibly could while wearing the Imperial equivalent of sleepwear. This seemed more difficult to do at first due to the unsteady vehicle, but I got used to waiting until we were on flat paved ground to do it. When we got to a gatehouse for the Middle Ring, more Dai Li hopped on. Silently. They took to sitting in the back and I doubt any of them even knew I was in the vehicle. Or maybe they did and they didn’t care. The Dai Li have their own society that subverts the rest of Ba Sing Se and the Empire as a whole.

The Rings passed, growing longer and longer as we drove. People were sitting down to dinner in some places, the occasional tavern was abuzz with activity. Sometimes, a young couple could be found leaning on a railing of their second-story balcony, enjoying the relative ambience that this time of night brings. The rest of the city was asleep. Lights were out, some windows were kept open for the breeze but all ground floor buildings were shuttered. A patrol of the Home Guard may be found boringly walking along the sidewalk of this main, paved, well-maintained road we were taking. Babies wailed, wild wolf-dogs howled, and sometimes,  _ sometimes _ , the truck would come to a halt. 

The main passenger of this truck, the Commander, the Head of the Dai Li, would issue his commands “You two, Lee-Ji and Liu” with the same cold professional tone he used elsewhere. There’s something...choreographed, about all this. It’s almost like he planned everything preceding picking me up. He probably did. He probably told his agents to wait at certain points to provide security detail before coming to find me, then as he drove past, they identified his truck -how? somehow- and hopped on. And now their time had come. He pulled a sheet out of his bigger-on-the-inside robes and the two named agents stuck their heads out of the back and noticed me, “oh, Your Majesty,” to which I brought up my hand and waved. Then they looked at the Head of the Dai Li. The Commander pointed at a name on this sheet. “Kill him, make sure she doesn’t see it.” Those two agents ducked back into the truck. “Next two, let’s go!” and two different agents popped in, he pointed his finger at a different name on the list, “toss his body in his shrine, make sure  _ her  _ knife is in his hands,” the two agents nodded and left. “Next two!” and a new pair of heads appeared. “Kill her, throw her off the roof, they’ll blame it on him. So kill him too.” The agents nodded and ducked back in. “Next two!”  _ pause _ , “Kill the whole immediate family, save the daughter and pin it on her.” “Next two!” “Kill her, but make it look like she broke her head on the stairs.” “Next two!” “Kill him, accident with a knife.” 

_ “Dear, If only you knew, how dear to me, these quiet Ba Sing Se nights are.”  _ Such were the lyrics the Head of the Dai Li sang while he watched his agents hopping out of the truck and landing stealthily. The first two vanished across the rooftops, the second two walked up to a door to our right. The rest of the pairs also vanished across the rooftops. As for the second pair and the door to our right? Above them, a candle was lit,  _ someone’s home _ . Someone answered the door, one of the Dai Li asked “you this man?” The middle-aged fellow with a terrible excuse for a beard nodded. “That’s me” he politely responded. Then he took a rock glove to the throat. I didn’t see the rest because “oh, forgive me, Your Majesty. We have a Lake to visit.” the Head of the Dai Li stated in his calm, unsettling, voice. So we drove off. I have to imagine the rest of the Dai Li accomplished their missions with similar effectiveness.

By the time we reached the Agrarian Zone wall, the back of the truck was empty. The Head of the Dai Li isn’t a chatty one. Which is fine. I wasn’t feeling very conversationalist either. I looked out to the right and noticed that this part of the Agrarian Zone was more...hillish. In fact, we ended up driving on a four lane road that became two lanes that became four lanes. “Why does it change?” I finally felt the urge to ask. “We preserve the lands of Ba Sing Se. Where we could build, we did. Where we can’t, we will not destroy painting-worthy land.” he responded. Excluding a few trucks -with Dai Li agents driving them- heading towards the city, the road was desolate.

We wound through the rural countryside. Dark, rural countryside. No lights from houses for there were no houses, only a few lanterns hung every so often on poles to either side of the road. In a way, the land out here was actually brighter than the land inside the walls. I could look up and see a star-filled sky. The Moon,  _ I know who you are now, Northerner _ , looked down and watched the three of us and our truck as we wound through valleys and occasional farmland.  _ Sometimes  _ we’d spot houses adjacent to the farmland, but it seemed like this specific stretch of road and nearly everything in either direction from it was set aside.  _ Which it probably was _ . “Here we are” the driver recited by instinct, coming to a full stop and turning left. “But...there’s street lanterns over there” and I pointed out the window at the lantern poles. “Nobody expects the secret underground military base to be down this road,” he remarked.  _ That’s true. They don't _ . The road quality didn’t diminish but it did become one lane both ways. And there were few lights to guide us. We passed a sign that read as follows. 

_ Welcome to Lake Laogai - Home of the Dai Li - There is no sign here - Here we are hidden, here we can party! - If you see a sign here, please report this to your local Dai Li agent _ . 

I pondered whether or not I was supposed to report the existence of a sign that does not exist, and concluded that as the sign does not exist there is no need to report what I read. But, because I was also curious, I asked “What’s with the partying?” “What partying? There is no partying” the Head of the Dai Li replied, looking forward at the road ahead. Or...his hat was pointed forward, it was dipped too low for me to make out his eyes. I  _ assume  _ he was looking forward since his cheeks made it seem like he was facing ahead. “There’s a sign that-” but I stopped myself because I thought I came to the conclusion  _ not  _ to report it. “Did you see a sign? I didn’t see a sign” he replied, coldly. “How did that sign remain under Long Feng?” I asked, since Long Feng doesn’t strike me as the type to be in favor of such pleasantries. The Head of the Dai Li countered my inquiry with “What sign? Was there a sign Long Feng himself personally knew of? If so I didn’t see it.”  _ This is like fighting a Dai Li- wait no of course it is, because I’m verbally fighting one _ . “If there  _ was  _ a sign” I offered in a mock tone, “wouldn’t a Dai Li agent be required to know of its existence?” He brought the truck to a stop and  _ turned his head towards me _ . Which  _ might  _ have made me fall out the side of the truck in  _ ahh!  _ and land on dirt. “I’m going to have to execute you…”  _ note to self, that escalated quickly,  _ “...for having a sense of humor!” and he hopped out and helped me up. “But there is no sign. Definitely not a sign that Long Feng approved of because he liked the Dai Li and wanted to give them something personal to make all the secret police action more enjoyable. You hear me?” and he opened the truck door for me. “I do,” I responded as I climbed in. “Good. Because senses of humor can get you killed. I wouldn’t want to find a new Emperor.” and he kicked the truck hard enough it started. I was unsure of whether he was joking or not. Something about me says that if there was anyone in the Three Nations and One Egg who could find a new Emperor, it’d be either him or the Spirit of Death incarnate in immortal form. And the latter is...somewhere. Somewhere. Who knows where. 

The truck drove down this road for a  _ dian _ or so until it came to a halt in front of what appeared to be a small aircraft hangar. Except it obviously wasn’t an aircraft hangar because there was no runway. Outside the hangar-like structure sat a bunch of parked trucks with some space between each. Behind each truck, facing the hangar, five pairs of Dai Li agents standing still like statues. Our truck stopped one inspiring speech distance away from their trucks and the Head of the Dai Li hopped out. I say ‘hopped’ because he landed gracefully and with barely a sound. He hopped like an airbender. In the meantime, I confirmed my hair was in a topknot and my Imperial Informal Robes were on properly with the sash actually tied around the waist. And, of course, my golden scabbard being the only regal thing I’m bringing with me. The Head of the Dai Li did not choose to give an inspiring speech, instead pulling sheets out of his black-and-green garb. As is rehearsed on the daily, probably, each team of ten walked forward -one truckful at a time- and he’d hand the head of them, that man would take another pace step forward, a sheet. 

The Platoon Commander, or Sergeant, or whatever, would stand there while the Head of the Dai Li gave clarificationary remarks. He pointed at one part of the sheet, “Bring him in alive, but not his brother.” He moved his rock gloved finger down the sheet. “Toss them in one grave and make it look like someone got drunk.” The Head of the Dai Li must’ve known his Sergeant was pondering something he wasn’t supposed to as he pointed out “Clearly, he’s a traitor, so I don’t care. Right?” and the Head of the Dai Li leaned down from his usual down-facing look to look at the Sergeant in the face. “Right.” the Sergeant responded. He gave him the sheet and the ten men marched lockstep into the truck. “Rest of ‘em are up to you, Sergeant.” 

He pulled another sheet out, ordered “toss him through a wall”, pointed further down on the sheet, “toss him into a well”,  _ point _ , “he’s in a tavern fight so if he doesn’t die right now make sure he does”  _ point _ , he handed the Sergeant the sheet and he walked on. “Wait!” he called out to the second team. The men halted. The Commander raised a rock glove finger. “No, no, just execute him and arrest everyone else involved in illegal tavern fighting. It’s much easier.” The Sergeant nodded and he moved to the next team. They also marched in lockstep.

A new sheet was drawn out and new pointing was to be had. “Arrest them all except the Sage. He’s practicing Northern Water Tribe style lovemaking so execute his family first and make him watch.” and he handed the next sheet to the next Sergeant. The remaining three groups noticed me and my Imperial Informal Robes and bowed out of respect. “It’s wonderful seeing you here, Your Majesty!” one of the agents who wasn’t a Sergeant blurted out and waved to me. He stood on the far end of the fifth -originally fifth- truck.  _ That’s nice of you _ . “Be quiet, Ji” someone else commented. “But...but...it’s the Emperor-” the man I assume is named Ji tried countering. “And?” a third voice added in.  _ This is getting only partially nonsensical.  _ “Just…” I pinched the bridge of my nose, “hello Ji” and I waved back to him. “See! He noticed me! He noticed me!” and the man fainted. The Head of the Dai Li barely paid attention to this, only giving it a cursory glance, and “Sergeant, find another two agents” and the entire fifth,  _ I don’t know, enforcement team? _ , groaned. “We like Ji! He’s funny!” someone  _ else  _ spoke up, pretending to be part of some link of minds. A hive of minds, if you will. “Sergeant” the Head of the Dai Li asked, sounding bored. “On it.” and the incapacitated Dai Li agent was carried inside by his other half, or his partner if you’re not in-the-know on Dai Li speak.

The third truck moved out and the Commander walked up to the fourth. “You like the Upper Ring, Sergeant Duan?” the Commander asked, finally elaborating on his vague execution orders which were to be executed. “I do. Great place for tea.” The man I assume is Duan responded. “You’re on Ministerial Cleanup.” and the Commander stuffed him with a sheet. “Do I have to toss someone off a wall again?” the Sergeant asked while the Commander had already walked on. “Up to you. Please kill the people marked as ‘kill’ and don’t kill the rest.” “On it” Duan bowed and the fourth truck loaded up and drove off. I have to say, I appreciated the lack of formalities here. People were given orders, they countered with questions, the questions were answered, and that was that. 

Two agents skated out of this large hanger structure, bowed to the Head of the Dai Li, and formed up in place of where the last two were. “Sergeant, you’ve got a task so difficult I know you’ll fail.” I’d say the Sergeant was depressed by this but he maintained his neutral voice. “Go do Avatar things. And arrest all these other people that have nothing to do with the Avatar.” and the Commander handed a sheet to the Sergeant. “ _ I’m  _ supposed to watch The Avatar and Friends? Don’t we have Palace Dai Li for that?” The Head of the Dai Li rarely ever laughed. Today, tonight, he did. “We do. And you’re to track him if he  _ leaves  _ the Palace.” “I...I’d rather  _ kill  _ the Avatar, that’s more of our thing, but-” the Head of the Dai Li cut him off with a heel-turn glance. The Sergeant bowed, said “On it.” and had his truck loaded up. As his truck drove away, a line of trucks came down the road.

“Your Majesty, do you want to stand out here all night?” the Head of the Dai Li asked, putting an arm around me and leading me inside.  _ I can’t say whether to feel creeped out or not. I’ll go with not. You’re a reputable secret police leader _ . “Are all those people here for execution? That’s a lot of trucks” I stated, pretty quickly putting the truck and the Dai Li together. “No, arrest, Your Majesty” he corrected me as we walked through the large double doors. “Crimes?” I asked, curious about what they were here for. “The usual. Anti-monarchist things, conspiracies to assassinate Her Imperial Majesty, conspiracies to assassinate Your Majesty, conspiracies to assassinate the Avatar who currently is our honored guest but only for now, invading people’s privacies, violating Kyoshi’s Ethics, attacking Dai Li agents, you know…” and he trailed off.  _ I really don’t. This is a whole world I’m not familiar with.  _ He finally unleashed some specifics. “We’ve had trucks coming in for the past week, stuffed like a pig-chicken during the New Year Festival, except instead of stuffing it with green headband wearing people” I asked, “Why aren’t you executing them?” only post-question realizing that I could be the cause for thousands of deaths in one question. 

He stopped at a pair of doors and turned to me. “Most of them are anti-Fire Nation, Your Majesty. There’s no crime for being against the Fire Nation.  _ We’re  _ against the Fire Nation. Only the ones that go forward with a plot to kill someone, like the Fire Lord, would we then arrest” and he opened the door for me. Still bored, he edited his response. “Arrest, not kill, for all I care the Fire Lord can go eat a rock glove.” This gave me a new question, or rather an old question in a new context. “Then why is there a truckful of people? Or, many truckfuls of people?” We took to continuing this discussion as we walked down a long ramp with greenish-hued lanterns on either side. “There’s a lot of people who wanted to kill the Fire Lord,” he began. _ Oh, right, of course.  _ “We can’t kill them for that since the Badgermole Throne does not legally have a law that bans the assassination of fellow monarchs, Your Majesty. Does that make sense?” I nodded and replied “It does, Commander.” Then I realized it didn’t. “Wait, so that means the Fire Lord  _ could  _ die?” “Sure. If Your Majesty wanted to join the betting pool, I’d rather bet on the Avatar first. Drinking poison or having his throat slit while he’s kissing his girlfriend. Anyone can be killed. Rival, or as we call them in peacetime, ‘fellow’ world leaders are the first to go.” All things considered, I wasn’t surprised. I could understand both of those methods. As such, I could casually inquire “Why the Avatar first, Commander?” “The Badgermole Throne currently views him as an honored guest, but he’s given us nothing but idiocy to contend with during his tenure as our guest. Wrecking houses, destroying streets with his airball, trying to turn dilapidated housing into fancy housing and only ruining the slums even further, petitioning for the Lower Ring to turn into the Middle Ring, and so on.”  _ Yeah, and?  _ “Why him before the Fire Lord?” “The Fire Lord is as manipulatable as clay. The Avatar has his obsolete beliefs that make him think he has the right to tear up our city. The Fire Lord is respectful of Ba Sing Se.” Then it hit me.  _ I’m discussing assassination attempts. Against world leaders. Monarchs. The Avatar and the Fire Lord _ . “Do I want to ask any further questions, Commander?” “No, Your Majesty, you likely don’t.” I bowed my head. “I won’t, then.” 

Why reveal any of this to me? I’m the Emperor and as part of the Empire’s security, it’s important for one of it’s leaders to know the...options...if we could call it, on handling anyone and everyone should the need arise. Besides, the Commander knows I’m not going to go telling these secrets to the Fire Lord or the Avatar. For one, they’d never believe me. For two, as he so eloquently implied, anyone can be killed, and they’re our rivals. It’s not in my interests to go telling them about our Empire’s secrets. Even the Imperial Archivists copying this like they did Records are sworn to secrecy on the matter. Finally, it helps the Commander since it means I’m up-to-date on the happenings of potential plots. Let’s say the Avatar  _ stops  _ complying, or rather he turns into Kuruk, Air Avatar edition. In the Head of the Dai Li’s own words, “If the Avatar was to act like Kuruk and start violating Kyoshi’s Ethics, we’d have no choice but to eliminate him.” Sure, it could be argued that, from the Avatar’s perspective, this is evil. But the Avatar is a fool if he thinks monarchies are run on happiness and sweet nothings. We in the Empire are, recently, quite open about our secret police.  _ Anyways _ ...

“Oh, Your Majesty! You’re just in time for the Imperial Dai Li Choir’s daily performance!” came a man with a happier voice -but a happy Dai Li agent should be unnerving in it of itself- from behind me. I wasn’t required to follow the Commander down the ramp. So I didn’t. I turned around and asked the man “Daily performance?” The man bowed. “Sure, Your Majesty, up in the hangar. When fresh prisoners arrive-” I raised my hand and he silenced himself. “You sing for the prisoners?” I raised my good eye’s accompanying eyebrow because  _ what? Assassination attempts, sure, that’s part of the Dai Li, but...singing to prisoners? _ He tipped his hat in a nod. “We do, Your Majesty! Would Your Majesty be interested in listening?” and the Commander turned around and I could sense his ‘ _ what are you doing Officer some name _ ,’ but I didn’t care. I’m not the Commander’s subordinate. “Sure. Lead the way, officer. Officer…?” I stuttered and left that off with a question. “Wenming. Head of the Imperial Dai Li Choir.” and when he said ‘Dai Li Choir’ he made it nice and higher-pitched.  _ Such a nice voice for such a weird mesh of Kyoshi’s beliefs in singing -see Aoma- and Kyoshi’s beliefs in secret police forces eliminating all threats to the monarchy. _

“Imperial Dai Li Choir!” the man with the voice of a liuqin and a pipa combined to form a harmonious sync called out to the hangar while we entered. Lines of conical-hat wearing men fell from the ceiling in perfect unison before forming up into some four lines on one side of the light grey stone pathway. This was the very same pathway I had just walked on that led from the entrance to the double doors. “Your Majesty, find a nice place to watch!” the harmonious voiced happy Dai Li officer Wenming called out. “Please don’t listen to Wenming, Your Majesty. We have things to do” the Commander spoke up in a muffled tone. Since I was as eager as a little kid, I probably sounded like one when I turned to him and said “but I  _ want  _ to hear the Dai Li” and as such, like a little kid, I stomped over to the opposite side of the room. “Your Majesty, that’s for the prisoners” the Commander countered, sounding bored as ever, while walking behind the lines of Dai Li. I went behind the lines as well. Just after I got there, Wenming took to the front of the four lines and “Men! The Laogai anthem!” and he raised his hands as he raised his voice. The doors were opened just after and after a few pairs of Dai Li led the way, I barely made out a thick column of people with their hands... _ free? Really? Why?  _ They were wearing all kinds of clothes, though most were Lower Ringers wearing sleep robes or just sarashi cloth. Of those, most had green headbands on their heads. Wenming called out “One, two, one two, three!”, punched the air and the Imperial Dai Li Choir began singing. 

The first line, the one lacking a ‘won’, is always sung by the front line. The back three sing the repetitive part. 

_ Laogai's home to no sun _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

_ You tried to kill sense 'cause you had none _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

_ You dueled and lost 'cause you ain't one _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

The Dai Li Choir paused to let the new welcome-ees go “what’s happening?” and “where are we?” and “will I see my son again?” or “will I see my sister again?” among other questions. Instead of responding, they continued singing.

_ You tried to flee but you just couldn’t run _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

_ Your time here has just a be-gun _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

_ You’ve lost your wife and you lost your son _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

_ You'll be here, no chance to see the sun _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

_ One day soon you'll confess and it's done! _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

_ Until that day comes, say hi to Gun! _

_ You fought the Throne and the Throne won _

_ You fought the law and the law won _

The Dai Li, all four lines, repeated the chorus parts of this song another ten times before one man jumped up and shouted “And welcome to Lake Laogai, scum!” while the rest of the Dai Li chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” and  _ bowed  _ to the prisoners. The prisoners, justifiably, had no idea what was happening and one shouted “we’re not scum!” while another said “wait until the Empress hears of this!” and a whole  _ mob  _ of them shouted “the Fiery Sky is dead! The Jade Empire will rise!” They then grabbed green strips of cloth, their headbands, and punched the air with them. 

One of them,  _ one of them _ , a woman, noticed me in the back of the Dai Li crowd and shouted “The Emperor!” Others heard this young woman’s cry and a young man went “Look! He was grabbed in his sleep!” and the Commander grabbed me by the arm, whispering “We. Have. To. Go. Your Majesty” and began pulling my arm. I involuntarily grimaced because, surprise, being grabbed by the arm by anyone who isn’t Toph or Suki is quite impolite, but the crowd took this grimace to mean something very, very, different. “They arrested His Imperial Majesty!” that same young woman, or maybe her cousin, shouted. And that’s when the confused mass of people of all ages collectively concluded it was better to die for someone who wasn’t even a prisoner than to live lives as prisoners. Someone in the crowd jumped up and yelled what I must assume is their motto, “The Jade Sky Will Rise!”  _ Right, you know what Commander, I’m with you _ . By the time I agreed, he had already summoned a pair of agents to physically grab me and drag me away. The mob was like pine needles, ready for kindling, and watching their auburn-haired Emperor being dragged off to wherever their creative minds thought I was going was more than enough to start a riot. “Down with the collaborators!” someone shouted and that was the last I heard while I was dragged through the doors and down that long ramp. There were sounds of smashing and screaming and intense close quarters combat, sounds that were only enhanced by the silence and echoed down, down, down yet further. 

Eventually, the pair of agents let me go. “Do you know what’s happening up there, Your Majesty?” the Commander asked me, probably rhetorically. “A bunch of people are rioting.” I responded, thinking it was a question. “Do you know  _ why  _ they’re rioting, Your Majesty?” he asked, talking down to me like the kid I am compared to him. “Because they saw me and drew some hasty conclusions?” I offered. He put his hands into his sleeves. “Precisely.” “What will become of them?” I asked while he walked in that classic fast Dai Li pace down the ramp. “They’ll be politely asked to stop.” he spoke back to me, ending it off with “I’m confident Wenming’s Choir can handle themselves. Those are some of our best agents. They are experts at peaceful negotiations.” and I followed him yet further down.

“Right, here, Your Majesty.” he said while coming to a stop and turning to the right. “What is this?” I asked, looking at an unassuming section of wall, the only distinguishing feature being a small gold earth coin planted into the wall to the left of where he stood. “The stairs.” he made a small punch motion with his rock-gloved hand and the wall became a door. Inside the doorway, if I could call it that, was a dimly lit staircase. “How far are we going?” I wondered, hitting the railing with my fist and making a loud  _ ping  _ sound that echoed down, down, into the deep. “Bottom floor, Your Majesty.” and he skated down a ramp to the stair’s left. Both, in turn, circled around a central square pillar. 

We walked for what felt like a  _ dian _ . We walked in near silence, save the endless patter of feet. Pairs walked up on a staircase that mirrored ours. As it turns out, there’s a staircase for going down and a staircase for climbing up. By doing this, the Dai Li maximised space and ensured a steady flow of traffic. It’s still unsettling. You hear footsteps and look up but rarely if ever catch a glimpse of who’s making them because the stairs are solid. Every story the staircases would come to an open area allowing either descenders or ascenders to depart and go to the current floor. Each floor was numbered. The lower, the higher the number. The design of the stairs is meant to mimic the Earth Empire’s emblem, the earth coin. The central square pillar is akin to the central square part of the earth coin, something about the people of the Empire being protected, the stairs we were walking down were akin to the green part of the earth coin, something about depth, and the exterior of the staircase is like the outer ring of the coin, symbolizing our golden walls and gilded armies. Or, maybe, this was just a circular staircase built to maximise space and I was looking too deeply into it. It didn’t matter. Approximately a  _ dian  _ of walking later, we came to a staircase that was much more rugged. 

“Pardon us, Your Majesty, this staircase is still being built.” he explained as he earthbent stairs out for me to use. I got to the bottom and faced a wall devoid of the normal hanging lantern. Whatever this door was was not open like other doorways we passed. “The doorway is over here, not there” the Commander called out from behind me. I turned around and noticed the ground was not paved like the stairs -which were made of dark grey paving stone- but instead of rudimentarily carved earth. I looked down at it long enough to earn a “the ground’s also not done” from the Commander. I then walked up to him while he tapped on the door. For one, it was made of metal. For two, the metal had an eye slit. The eye slit opened barely long enough for me to catch a glimpse of who was looking out. “Commander’s here” the stone-cold voice on the other side announced. 

“I brought the Emperor,” the Commander added. “The Emperor?!?” the voice from behind the door said in surprise. Then the eye slit opened and the Commander stepped out of the way to let me look in. I actually saw a pair of brown eyes on the other side. The Dai Li never show their eyes but then again, this  _ is  _ a special place, being brand new and lacking normal furnishings. I pointed at my eyepatch which itself is blue with a tiny intricately woven fan on it in honor of my lineage.  _ They could’ve given me a fan and flying boar but my blood isn’t flying-boars, its fan-wielders. Blood I’m proud of. So a golden fan it was.  _ “It’s really him?” asked a lighter-voiced Dai Li agent from somewhere inside there. The Dai Li agent with the soft brown eyes turned to his side and commented “He’s the only person wearing an eyepatch with our sisters’ choice of weapon on it, Xing.”  _ Sisters’? So you consider the Kyoshi Warriors your sisters? That’s...enlightening. For you are both children of Kyoshi, in one form or another. Separated children, now together after hundreds of years. How romantic and poetic. _ The man with the lighter voice stepped up to the eye slit and spoke. “Welcome, Your Majesty. Our, ahem, esteemed guest, has been expecting you” I heard a pinch of actual  _ terror _ in his voice when he said ‘esteemed guest’. The men of the Dai Li never get scared. A metal screwing sound came from somewhere near my waist and a massive  _ squeal  _ of metal as a door that was, well, “How thick is this?” I asked while banging the side of my fist on this. The two Dai Li agents, their hats now over their eyes, bowed to me. The brown-eyed one explained “we need it to be two Consort’s feet thick. For...reasons,” and left said ‘reasons’ quite vague-sounding. This only added to the unnerving aspect, Dai Li aren’t vague. They know their facts and they know them well. If they’re vague, it’s because they’re hiding something.  _ Which isn’t good for me _ .

The room itself had only a few lanterns compared to the dozens in the hallways and staircases. The floor itself was of a kind of rough cut-out earth. Not paved stones and not precise. Rough bumps, marks where architects stopped and started, lined the ground. Something quite...rare...for such master earthbenders. I looked at one of the two and, something inside me felt  _ insulted _ at the low quality of this...room. I yell-asked “Why is this floor so shoddy? Can’t you do better!” The two guards backed up. Then a  _ different  _ voice, one as feminine as it is deadly, one as precise as lightning, spoke out to me from somewhere. “Well done, Auburn! You’re learning!” That voice. I knew that voice. “You heard your King, make the floors look good!” the terror of a thousand nightmares quietly,  _ calmly,  _ stated.

Then I looked to my left.  _ There _ . At the other end of the hall, where no lanterns rested, where the floor was rough with marks where...something cracked the floor itself in multiple places. Beyond those holes, a line of iron bars. Behind those iron bars, a single palm open, blue flame emanating from it like the wick of a candle. And that palm moved itself around to sit just in front of a face. The body was clad in red robes. A face of a woman with perfectly done up hair bearing a special topknot pin reserved for the Crown Princess. A face of a woman releasing a soft smile. “Did I scare you?” she offered in that calm voice. And  _ now  _ I know why the Dai Li standing here are so...unnerved. The figure stood up from her cross-legged meditation position and formally bowed as a member of royalty would bow to a soldier in the Royal Army. “I’m sorry for scaring you. These two, Lee and Lee, have been kind of mean. I’ve been feeling, how do I say…” and she paused to  _ look  _ at the two, “bored...lately” and she walked over to the side of her,  _ wait, that’s her cell? _ , cell and illuminated the room further, showcasing the charred, black, remains of a skeleton.

Did I dare take a step forward? After everything I lived through? All of it? I did. I still know little about my former Crown Princess but one thing’s for certain. If she wanted to kill us all, she’d already have done it. She’d have killed me back in Caldera. Or beneath Azulon’s statue. Or...before those days. Days so old the calendar referred to the reign of the Fifty Second Earth King. She let me, and the Commander, and his guards, and these two Dai Li, get a good look at the burnt remains of a man. “I think his name was Yasanobu. I got tired of hearing about his stupid tundra wasteland of an island, so I cooked him. So far my favorite was Harghasun. Always prattling on about flowery women.” 

“Your Majesty, you might not want to step so close to her” the Commander stated, actually worried, from a few feet behind me. I did  _ not  _ take my good eye off her. I felt the ground I was stepping on was rough and messy. Dirt particles. I also knew quite well that every single person in this room, combined, could not defeat her even if she was sleep deprived. “Oh come on, Commander Xuan, the legendary Dai Li agent is  _ scared _ ?” the young woman said while squinting past, no,  _ through _ , me at the man. “What’s your wife going to say when she finds out you’re actually a massive coward? What kind of Commander doesn’t step in front of his King?” and I didn’t need to be an earthbender to feel the ground itself tighten. “I bet she and the Dai Li will be happy with a Head of the Dai Li who lets his sovereign die” and she sat back down in her cross-legged position. The Commander did not take this well, opting to slide forward and grab me. To which she coiled up a lightning bolt. “Come on! You don’t get to suddenly be a hero!” The Commander was about three  _ miao  _ from turning her entire cell into a tomb when I said “stop playing into her”. But he didn’t care. He punched a rock glove forward “to teach you a lesson!” and she turned the rock glove into nothing with a lightning bolt. A lightning bolt that blinded the lot of us and made everyone stumble. “I told you” I whispered. Of course, her ears are better than even my Empress’s. “See! Your King ain’t dumb! That’s why he’s King and you’re the Dai Li Head!” The Commander tried grabbing me but I slithered out and sat down on the rough ground. “Your Majesty!” he genuinely yelled. “She can kill us all” I reminded him. “There’s no point. Let’s just sit. And talk.”  _ Let’s just sit down and have a nice talk. I remember those words _ .

And that’s when the memories came back to me. All the useful information I learned about diplomacy that I learned on the flame-finger end of...questioning. I yelled “We’re all going to die and let’s sit down for tea first!”, raising my hand expecting an attendant to show up. “Your…” one of the Dai Li asked, quite shocked. “Tea! Bring me tea! Bring Her Royal Highness some tea, too!” I ordered the fierce nighttime assassins around like they were my Palace attendants. “Auburn gets it” she commented, looking at me and especially my missing eye. “Who gave that to you?” she asked, as if only now she noticed it. “Shinji.” and  _ those  _ memories flashed through my mind, all at once.  _ The charge, no chance of victory, the duel, the arrogant opponent, my recklessness…  _ “That was about nine days into the spring, if I am correct” she responded, focusing on that cavity covered by a patch. “You are,  _ Your Highness _ .”  _ Never, ever, forget how to address her. Or she’ll burn it into your skin if it’s the last thing you ever feel _ . 

“I knew it. Shinji dueled a man a...what...fifth his age, and lost?” she stated, still calm but with a sense of resentment to her tone. A very small amount, though. “He did.”  _ here, enjoy all the burns as living memories of that _ . She sensed my experiences like some kind of shirshu sniffing a location from someone, “where’s the rest of your burns? Shinji was about as good as eight year old me.”  _ Of course, you’re always the best. Everyone is relative to your strength _ . “I had a waterbender heal them.” I commented, recalling those other memories and the moment I learned that waterbenders can bring people back from almost death. “Was it the Avatar’s girlfriend?” she honed in on my...mind? “It was” I could only mutter as but a humble man. “Remember to tell her, if you haven’t killed her yet, that she shouldn’t launch water whips at lightning-abled people.”  _ Is this a battle I’m unfamiliar with?  _ “When was this, Your Highness?” I asked, keeping my good eye on her to watch her every move. Except she kept herself perfectly still. Perfectly still. Sitting down and perfectly still. “Oh, Auburn, this was before I killed her boyfriend. She was hitting me with water whips. This was also before she lost her emotional control and took control of my own arms.” 

_ Took control?  _ “What did she do?” I asked the woman who most definitely has killed more of my people, my allies, and was treating her like a young girl whose knee was scuffed during playtime by some savage child. “She...I don’t know, actually.”  _ That’s really, really, terrifying for reasons nobody will understand. Azula never says ‘I don’t know’ _ . She continued, “The Water Peasant screamed and I think she froze my arms with her waterbending powers. But she did it on such a tiny level that I couldn’t see it.”  _ Wait. Katara learned to bloodbend later that summer, right? How could she have done this before?  _ “I recall Katara learning to bloodbend later-” but she held up her pointer finger and I stopped. “I’m surprised you haven’t had her killed yet” she said in that same creepily genuine tone. “Why?” I asked, wondering where she was going with this. “Bloodbenders. Don’t they send chills down your spine?” she said and somewhere in there, I heard a small hint of genuine discomfort. “I don’t understand,  _ you _ ,  _ you  _ of all people, have nothing to worry about” I had to choose my words properly. Azula cannot fear anything. Everyone fears Azula. “Bloodbenders can defeat entire armies with a swipe of their wrists. And the Avatar’s girlfriend is emotionally unstable. She’s a water peasant and needs someone to teach her her place!” and, something, something inside all of this, I actually felt Azula trying to convey something. It felt strange. Like a hint of a real person in there. Something about bloodbenders even had the potential to be greater than her. And anything better than her must be destroyed for there is nothing better than her. Azula rules over all. But...aside from that personal obsession of hers… she had something of a case to say. “It makes sense, Auburn. I killed her boyfriend, she suddenly manifested a power from emotional instability. Just as your girlfriend learned metalbending from tiny particles of earth, there are tiny particles of water in all of us.” What amazed me, it shouldn’t, is that she knew everything she knew. “How do you know all this, Your Highness?” “As per your kind agreements, Auburn, I receive any and all reading material I want. What kind of royalty doesn’t educate themselves?”  _ She’s… she’s actually got a point _ . 

“Tea’s here, Your Majesty” the Dai Li agent called out, setting a pitcher and tray with cups on it down next to me. I was sitting across from her, my kneeling contrasting with her crossed legs. I poured the tea into one cup and pointed at her. The Dai Li agent reluctantly agreed and moved the ground beneath the plate over until it reached Azula’s cell. There, a small empty space existed beneath the iron bars that allowed her to reach out and pull the plate into her cell. “I commend you, my pupil. You prevented a Kingdom from collapsing for a year. The Earth King rules his lands once again. Oh, how the dumb peasants must cheer! Maybe you’ll keep it together for multiple-” and she paused to drink her tea. “Your Highness, I am not the Earth King” I began, with intent to say ‘I am the Emperor’ but she cut me off with “of course, of course, I forgot. I practiced my firebending on  _ you  _ so your blind friend could take the throne.”  _ Thank you for bringing that memory back _ . “I recall we agreed to something different. I agreed to more of your…”  _ inhale. Exhale. It’s over.... It’s long over.  _ “...practicing, in trade that Your Highness would agree to not...to  _ never _ harm my friend.” she saw that look of defeat in my good eye and smiled. “Did you ever tell her what happened?” “I told her I was set upon by a woman with an eel-hound who scorched my feet.” Sarcastic in tone, she asked “You never told her about your ‘heroic sacrifice?’” “She’d have killed you if she knew.” “You’re so loyal, you  _ knew  _ I’d either burn you or burn her, and yet you pleaded for you instead.” “Because that’s who I am.” “That’s not who you were when you informed me of your employer’s treachery.”  _ I...had changed.  _ “I recall agreeing to the…”  _ don’t cry. It happened. It won’t… it might not… it could very easily happen again but it won’t…  _ “I recall agreeing to the  _ training _ .” “And I recall agreeing since I took pity on your political alliance turning out to be with a blind girl.” and she shot a small flame into her tea to heat it up. I asked, “When Your Highness met her, you knew you’d attack Ba Sing Se?” wondering a question I never got the answer to. “Of course. Of all the women my  _ favorite  _ pupil picked for political gain, he picked the blind one that had no skills and needed him to help her walk from place to place.” but after pausing to take a drink, she continued. “Wait, no, that’s it. Of course. You picked the idiot so you gained all the political power without worrying about someone who’d plot against you. You really  _ did  _ learn my lessons.” and she thinly smiled. And she drank from her tea cup.

“I’m a woman of my word. I did not harm her. I already had my fair share of auburn haired holy-blooded people. Nobles burn easier, you know.” then she noticed my lack of a response,  _ do not, showcase, any emotion _ , and she raised an eyebrow, “Did you know?” As stone as my Dai Li guards, I asked “Know what, Your Highness?” “That nobles burn much easier. As I’m sure Kozuke would agree” and she scoffed at the mere mention of his name.  _ Azula. Always. Aims for the heart. Do not fight back. Do not hit back. Silence.  _ “What about those other officials?” I asked, not knowing where I was going with this. “Ah. The ones  _ you  _ and your friends nicely helped me find.” and the way she twisted some of those words could make the skin on the back of my neck freeze solid. “A shame about those  _ friends _ . All these conspirators. All those corrupt  _ friends _ . You know, Auburn, I made sure Oda and Lee and the rest  _ knew  _ before I finished  _ practicing  _ on them.”  _ Inhale. Sniffle. Exhale. Sniffle _ . I took a small piece of cloth, actually a napkin from my dinner earlier, and wiped my good eye down with it. But, as always, Azula noticed. “Oh? Their deaths still hard to get over? I’m  _ sorry _ . I’m  _ sorry  _ I misjudged you then. You were loyal, they were disloyal. A loyal person should never feel sad for a disloyal person’s death.” “And yet you burned me.” “Why of course-” she waved her hand about, “-you told me of their treachery, but if I let you go unscratched, they’d know you were the one to tell on them.” “You wanted someone to practice your new techniques on.” She smirked. “Do your feet still make you wince, Auburn?” I felt the soaring flash of heat race to my feet. “Yes…” “When your girlfriend touches them at night, do you tell her  _ why  _ they are so scarred?” “No.” “You should. She should be grateful I left some other parts of you less scalded.” “Like my hands...” I mused. “Next time you sleep with someone, make sure to tell them it was by the grace of Her Royal Majesty, Fire Lord Azula-” she paused, “-nice name to it-” then went back to her normal commanding tone, “-that you, Auburn, even possess the ability to reproduce.”  _ That was enough _ . In a stupid, stupid, outburst, “Your Highness, you’re lucky I didn’t tell Zuko you’re here.” Her eyes widened so little that it would’ve been unnoticable, but the slightest movement of her cheeks gave it away. “No wonder why my conditions are so good. You actually were a man of your word” and she stood up and walked around her room. With a set of quick, precise, jabs, she lit candles sitting across the room.

She had a large - room for two - bed with red sheets and a thick green blanket. A wall cut off outside viewing of what I must assume is a washroom. An actual washroom. The room itself was as wide as the hallway. Probably ten feet wide and twice as long, if the back washroom is to be believed. “You even gave me the privacy that fits my rank” she said, calm but hinting at happiness but that fake kind of happiness, while opening a  _ clothing cabinet?  _ Did the Grand Secretariat really give her everything? She even had a writing desk with writing utensils and paper. And the room has more than enough empty space to practice her katas. “And your Dai Li guards need to learn how to treat such royalty better!” she commented while walking back up to the bars and sitting down on  _ there’s a cushion there. A green cushion _ .

“Auburn, do you want to remind them what Fire Nation prisons were like?” she asked all nice and softly. I didn’t respond. I heard the Dai Li in the background whispering. “Want to remind them what  _ my  _ prison was like?” I didn’t respond. I took some deep breaths.  _ Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.  _ The memories... _ Inhale. Exhale _ . “Oh, Auburn’s being a bit of a quiet one it seems. Guards! Do you want to know what my prison was like?” she asked, shouting -but not erratically shouting, a determined collected shout- over me and my passiveness. One of them murmured a “I always wanted to know” and that was enough for her. “The higher the value the prisoner, the better the cell for them. Auburn here was just a Magistrate’s aide but he  _ helped us all  _ so much he got a cell with his own privacy. In fact, if I remember correctly, you were put under house arrest. Do I have that right?” She leaned forward and looked at my slumped face in my good eye.  _ I feel just as terrible now as I did then. Thank you, Azula. You did well at breaking me.  _ “You do, Your Highness.” She smiled like one would smile at a obedient wolf-dog or badgermole. Then she looked up at the guards. “Exactly. He got to remain under house arrest. When I wanted to practice my  _ special  _ firebending, I’d go to him. He was the only prisoner who got such a treatment because he was  _ so  _ helpful.” and the way she twisted the concept of being helpful...it wasn’t helpful. It was loyalty. “I was loyal. I was loyal to Kozuke. I was loyal to…”  _ all of them. I was loyal to my position. I am told to report corruption. I report corruption. Execution for corruption? I mean, that’s extreme even for Kyoshi’s ethics, but days and nights of prolongued, twisted, torture preceding execution?  _ But because I had stopped myself, my words turning into mental inquiries, the fallen Fire Lord was not happy. “Come on, who  _ were  _ you loyal to, my dear pupil?” and once again, her words are like a lightning strike to my defenses. “I was loyal to my Fire Lord.” to that, she broke into hysterical laughter. “See? Guards! He’s loyal to the Fire Nation!” Thankfully for me, the men of the Dai Li didn’t immediately jump to any wild conclusions. Instead, they likely thought it through, and dismissed it as deception. The Dai Li aren’t that stupid. 

“You know, Auburn, I love your Dai Li. They’ve got the ability of earthbenders, the stability of earthbenders and the loyalty of well-trained, drilled, earthbenders. But...they’ve got that killer instinct of firebenders. I can see why you made them your personal enforcers. After all the  _ fun  _ we had together, who wouldn’t want more of that? I love ‘em.”  _ Right. I chose them because I wanted memories of all of that. Right. Remember, Azula always deceives. Azula. Always. Deceives.  _ With mentioning of the Dai Li, it dawned on me,  _ what did she want me here for?  _ So I looked her in her right eye and “Your Highness, what did you...summon...me for?” I staggered the words to make sure I picked correctly. Picking wrong can result in a hastier death. “Give you a fair warning. From royalty to royalty.”  _ All this for a warning?  _

“Well? What’s the warning?” I asked, impatient because  _ all this mental warring, for what?  _ She laughed. “Who runs the Earth Kingdom?”  _ I won’t dare correct her. She wants it to be the Kingdom. Let it be the Kingdom. Sure. Such minor details mean nothing to the Wielder of the Blue Flame and Agni’s Chosen, the greatest firebender of all time _ . “My...Empress. Her Imperial Majesty.” “And you still haven’t had an heir.”  _ It’s...she’s like sixteen. What in Kyoshi?  _ “No, of course not. I mean I...like her, but that’s all kinds of wrong.”  _ Why do you leak these things to Azula? Why? Oh wait, she’s good at making you say them. I confessed my love of Toph to her before I even confessed it to Toph. If I even ever truly confessed it to the same amount I did under force of fire.  _ “Oh? Had I known you  _ loved  _ her for means beyond political gain” and she laughed, probably imagining all sorts of permanent things she could’ve and still can do. “You know your Kingdom better than I do, seeing as you actually run it.” she… declared? Can she make such statements? “I don’t run it. Her Imperial Majesty does” I said, incapable of the involuntary smile that would normally result from mentioning the greatest formal title of all. Like anything happy, though, Azula shot it down. “No she doesn’t. She sits on her bed all day picking her toes and-” then someone interrupted us by launching a rock glove at her. A rock glove she turned into...nothing...with a palm of firebending. “Men! Hold your line!” I shouted, scared as much for their lives as they were for mine.  _ She’ll kill all of you, I’m the only one she wants. She’ll kill the rest of you to get to me. In fact, she’ll probably set the entire Empire on fire to have a conversation with me. _

“As I was saying before I was  _ rudely  _ interrupted, your ‘Empress’ doesn’t do anything, does she?” and I felt Azula eye each of those guards, and the Commander, as they formed a line behind me. I could feel her gaze into each one and rip them apart, finger by finger. Like she ripped all those men and women I once knew apart, one finger of flame at a time. What was I going to do? Lie to Azula? Lie to the person who could even break Toph’s lie detector  _ oh so long ago _ ? That’s like lying to a Toph who can read people’s faces. “Your Highness is correct. Her Imperial Majesty is… preoccupied.” For  _ this _ , Azula let out a single  _ ‘ha!’  _ laugh. A terrifying ‘ha!’. A bone-chilling ‘ha!’. “And why don’t you take the throne? She’s so busy picking her ear or whatever.” I couldn’t look back at the Dai Li wall or she’d kill us all, but I could sense them trying to hold back their anger. “Because my Empress is my Empress. I swore to…” but she cut me off. “You swore something to her? Is  _ that  _ why you tossed yourself so eagerly at me? Had I known that...I would’ve rejected you and taken her instead.”  _ Yes. I swore something to her. I swore something and I paid for it _ . “I promised to help her escape from Gaoling and to commit everything I had for our mutual benefit.” Azula, finding all this hilarious, let out a single more ‘ha’ laugh. A laugh that showed for all she was a prodigy, even now, not a hair out of place, she lacked anyone to converse with. She never had any friends because the rest of us are terrified of her mere voice. 

“And promises aren’t kept, are they?” Azula questioned, daring to question my own self. “Your Highness...I promised to serve my Empress. I have kept that promise.” and I really, _really_ , needed something to wipe my face down with. Good thing I still had that napkin. “Come on, you could take the Throne tomorrow. Nobody would care. Your Empress would rule her own house but you’d rule the Empire.” she stated an offer that, for many, for nearly any, would be tantalizing. Seductive. The greatest offer a person could ever have. Ruling the Kingdom, now the Empire of Ten Thousand Years. And she was right. If someone wanted to, assuming they were as intimate with Her Imperial Majesty as I was, surely they could usurp the Throne. But I’m not that man. “I promised to serve my Empress until my death.” I said, my voice filled with pride. “And what if I killed you right now, Auburn?” she asked with a pince of deliberately calculated unhingeness, enough to scare anyone who didn’t know her. “Then…” _no, I know this_ , “then you would have no pupil to train. Nobody outside those bars.” and it was like this that I mustered the courage to metaphorically and literally _stand up_. “I gave you those quarters, Your Royal Highness. I order these Dai Li around.” She scoffed. “So? I could kill you right now.” _If I want to win against Azula, I must think like her_. “If you kill me, the Empress will remarry and her new Consort will kill you. You want to strike a message, that’s not how to do it.” I said, avoiding the urge to gulp or retch. “That’s my pupil!” she said with possible real elation. “I can’t kill you while she’s still heirless. Then I will have just killed some _insignificant auburn peasant_.” _That’s where you’re right, Azula._ _Kill me now and I died doing what I loved. The one thing she knew about me, the one thing she hung over my body in those dark rooms, was that I was loyal and my loyalty brought all these traitor’s deaths. If she wants to get through me, she’ll have to try harder._ “I will never betray my Empress.” She nodded to that, for it was that sheer force of will that convinced her to be _nicer_ on me. “You’re foolish, Auburn, but I respect your character for it.” _A compliment?_ The latter sounded like one. 

“I’m warning you, Auburn. From deposed royalty to current royalty.” and her voice became one of...was she actually concerned or was this another trick? Surely it was a trick. Azula never cared for me. Except...she also did.  _ ‘You have Avatar’s blood. I am already greater than the Avatar with my blood. The folk tales say I’ll achieve immortality.’  _ But that wasn’t why. It’s because, as she put it, what’s the point of a performance if there’s nobody left to tell the others. And I was the one man left. I could go around telling stories. And maybe, just...maybe, I gashed my own lips and refused to give in, no matter how many low-voltage bolts she wanted to strike me with. Or maybe I had my ancestor on my side. I don’t know and part of me doesn’t even want to address that these...happened, and weren’t just nightmares. I don’t know, but I knew that for better or worse that line...that was  _ real _ . She was being real. She sounded like a regular teenage girl, not as Fire Princess Azula. Everything else she may ever have said could be fake and that line was real. And that’s the scariest thing of all. 

“Auburn, I may not know your Court, but if  _ my  _ court backstabbed me, what do you think they’ll do to you?” Instead of interrupting her, I let her continue. “Ministers conspire in the shadows. Your army may contain traitors. And don’t forget Zuzu. He’s a moron and the Fire Nation needs someone  _ capable  _ of leading it. The Fire Nation will be in mass rebellion soon enough. Father’s officials, Grandfather’s officials, Zuzu’s loyalists, the Avatar’s loyalists, ambitious men wading between them all...rebellions will rise. If they don’t, the peasants of my homeland will look at you and cry for revenge. And then there’s the Colonies. The Colonies. They’re nothing but trouble. Ethnic groups that never belonged together forging something...new.” I felt a migraine setting it. I was getting tired. This was tiring. I stood up. She continued, this time a bit louder. “The Colonies were always trouble for me, Auburn! These people with their ideas of independence! They acted like their new culture deserved it’s own autonomy three years ago! Kozuke did, and look at what happened to him! Imagine what would happen when the strong hand of the Fire Nation or the large palm of the Empire stop tightly gripping them? Imagine what would happen if the Avatar’s stupid idealistic self held control over them? A man who’d never put me on trial and kill me even though I killed him! Imagine that!” I started walking away. “The Colonies are treacherous!”

  
  
  


As I left, I heard her final comment of the night. She sounded truly genuine, just like before as she uttered this final sentence.

“Auburn!” I opened the door, “The Colonies bring on the new! Let it last, the age of the Monarchies  _ will  _ end!”

Because of how silent the stairway was, the sentence echoed up it’s flights. 

_ “The Colonies bring on the new! Let it last, the age of the Monarchies will end!” _

_ “The Colonies bring on the new! Let it last, the age of the Monarchies will end!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Mori engages in some sword practice
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Confused-Rightfully-Worried Folks:  
> -Every night, the Dai Li go on these midnight hunts for criminals and wrongdoers. As Mori expected, the Head of the Dai Li did have agents prepare for his truck to drive east down a specific large road. In fact, everything about the drive east was pre-planned.  
> -The Head of the Dai Li isn't joking. He could find a new Emperor. Toph wouldn't love this new Emperor, but if there's anyone in the world who could do it it'd be him.  
> -The 'other' person is Tieguai the Immortal. We'll meet him again one day.  
> -The Dai Li lists is a reference to the KGB's lists as best parodied by this: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw2G4SZ8NxI )  
> -The Dai Li may be secret police, but they do have senses of humor, and they're all big fans of the Emperor and Empress.  
> -The Dai Li have 'Avatar and Friends' duty. It's as exciting as sitting on a next door rooftop listening to every discussion, spat and piece of teenage romance can possibly be.   
> -The Dai Li do have plans to assassinate nearly anyone with the only exception being Toph. Why reveal this to Mori? He isn't going to spill their secrets since he respects (or rather, fears) the Dai Li's organization and the Commander knows it. 
> 
> -Wenming means 'civilized' or 'cultured'. Therefore, he's quite *cultured*. I'll see myself out.  
> -Yes, the half-asleep mob thinks that the Emperor was arrested  
> -The Green Headbands will return. They are a rebellion anti-foreigner pro-Toph movement.  
> -Azula's room/floor is a new floor all to it's own and still being built. It hasn't been fully built to her lightning breaking the ground.  
> -You're not supposed to know if Azula is genuinely concerned about Mori (he was her pupil) for his own reasons (he helped her) or genuinely concerned because she needs him (for her to live) or her 'genuine concern' is yet another deception. It can be any of the three or all three. 
> 
> -The backstory in Shirahama is meant to be mysterious. Just remember, for every lie there is a facet of truth.   
> -No matter what happened, one of his defining characteristics became loyalty.
> 
> -Azula might be on to something, but it's all based on what she hears, learns from the agents by means of deception, and knowledge she has accrued over time.   
> -We will see if her warnings pay off.  
> -Possible theory: Azula may or may not have assisted with the Beifong Marriage pact, since she certainly knew of the fame (and Royal Scion status) of the Beifongs. When I say assisted I mean she helped Lao Beifong -through proxies- track Mori down and kidnap him.


	37. Dreams, Swordbenders, and Dreamy Swordbenders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, we meet some dreamy fangirls and enjoy a little bit of swordbending!

Chapter: One Hundred and Three

A voice haunted my dreams. A voice of the distant past. A voice that beckoned entire armies forward with. A voice that brought down the largest cities. A voice that required only the most perfect of bows. A voice that expected perfection. A voice of terror. _ “The age of the Monarchies will end!”  _ the voice cried. Again, and again. And for all this  _ was  _ definitely the voice of terror, the Fire Princess’s warning had something...eerie to it. Yes, of course, her voice is meant to scare, to impress, to invoke fear. But this was a different kind of eerie.  _ “The age of the Monarchies will end!” _ . This was the kind of eerie that one...another once gave.

An old immortal man. A man who claims to be Oma’s bastard son in one day and the killer of five Earth Kings the next. He told me, back in Caldera, in the waning moments of the final day of the Hundred Year War, that the Colonies would bring trouble and that the age  _ after  _ the war would be filled with as much strife as the War. So far, he’s been proven right. Conflict hasn’t ceased. For an age of peace, it’s been far from it. And yet, it’s not that he warned me that. Many warn their inferiors, the younger generations, of possible issues ahead. From reaping crops to reaping successful successors. From tailoring clothes to tailoring reforms. It wasn’t that it was a mere warning. It’s that it was echoed by the Fire Princess. For better or worse,  _ and there’s a lot of worse _ , I’ve been granted the right to meet the two. One, the greatest firebender of the generation. The other...well the truth as to what he  _ has  _ done...no man will ever learn. 

Between all this, I get the chance to sleep in the bedchamber of the self-proclaimed greatest earthbender of all history. Not that it matters. She knows how to break a skull with a rock fist. She’s never studied what these two speak of. One learned it in schooling, the other’s old enough to have lived through it all. The more I think back to the similarity between the firebender and the assassin,  _ the amount of skill they possess isn’t demonstrated by what they show, it’s demonstrated by what they don’t. Her Royal Highness used the full potential of her skills once, to capture a Palace. The assassin...he lurks in the places the government hasn’t found, or maybe he lurks in plain sight. A continent of hundreds of millions, we can’t possibly track one old drunk.  _

It was a consequence of having such a curious mind that I woke the sometimes light, sometimes heavy, sleeper that is the Earth Empress. The preceding night, I was carried back to Her Imperial Majesty’s bedchambers and, as with anything, the voice of the Empress gave me the energy to toss myself into bed. It was the same voice, now much, much softer and much more tired, that spoke out from beneath a thin blanket. The Empress of Ten Thousand Years, a woman who could beckon entire armies forward, a woman whose lifeless eyes brought terror to disloyal subjects, a woman who invented her own bending… and she softly casually inquired “Kyoshi, what’s got you up?”. I opened my good eye and saw light attempting to squeeze its way through the thick curtains on our window. Morning had come? Day?  _ It’s so far north that could mean anytime of day. _ “Guards? What’s the time?” I yelled with a hoarse voice. 

“Si central, Your Majesty.” some Imperial Guard spoke up. In the voice of a young woman I knew, “It’s midday!” A young woman from ‘our’ homeland. A Kyoshi Warrior. Not Suki. She must’ve been busy, which is okay. She needs to sleep, too.  _ Si central. The hour preceding the highpoint of the sun. But the sun never gets that high. And we’re...after the solstice. Long after the solstice, right? Must be.  _ Did it matter? I looked away from the window and the room retained a nighttime aesthetic thanks to the many overlapping curtains. Somewhere underneath the single thin blanket was the Empress. And had her small fingers ‘walking’ up her Imperial Pillow. Me. As she normally does. 

I forced a response out. “What’s got me up? It’s midday” I felt my chest get poked. “You’re lying.” The poke was light, soft, but it was still a poke with a calloused finger. And it wasn’t the finger that was the concern, it was the person it was attached to. The figure beneath the blanket was annoyed. “What’s the lie for?” “I...it’s complicated.”  _ Yes, say something stupid _ . Sadly, that was the best way I could phrase it. The figure moved her head around and I felt the individual strands of hair fall over and tickle my skin.  _ Once again, she pulled off my Imperial Robe and used my skin as a pillow _ .  _ That’s sensible _ . My chest felt...bruised. She planted her feet in the lower part of the mattress and pressed herself up until a carpet of hair popped out from beneath a blanket. For a moment, I had thought she forgot about lying when she laughed and declared “Ha! I noticed your heart skip a beat when my hair showed up!”  _ Yes, of course. Because I like your hair. Even bed hair _ . She happened to be face-on with my chest, so she leaned back and her glazed over eyes, green like sea foam, stared into my face. I mean, she wasn’t staring, but it felt like she was. And it’s  _ really  _ hard to resist giggling, even slightly, at this peculiarity. ‘Blind Empress looks Emperor in the face’. 

That momentary respite ended with her semi-serious tone. “What’s got you wound up tighter than a Twinkletoes at a steakhouse?”For one, I couldn’t resist the urge to part her hair so I could ‘look’ her in the eyes for politeness sake. “Had a bad dream. Kind of.” again, I tried to explain this without  _ explaining  _ it. Because that voice, in it of itself, can strike terror even while disembodied. Toph shook her head, side to side, and went “Kind of? Yes or no.” and her voice absolutely  _ commanded  _ to be heard. And, she’s the Empress. I can’t really say no. “No. I was haunted by some words someone said.” I received a shoulder jab for “telling the truth” which happened to be pretty reassuring. “Was this one of these ‘I went to Court and discovered everyone’s an idiot’ statements or a ‘hey here’s a massive world-changing secret’ statements?”  _ Hey, Toph’s nothing if not direct. _ I had to choose between options, and chose “The second one.” 

“You going to do the lip thing?”  _ Lip thing? Are we inventing ‘things’ to do?  _ “What lip thing?” I asked, confused of where she was going. Instead of immediately responding, she rested her head on my collarbone.  _ Ow. Okay then. Do you want me to, you know, make you comfortable?  _ She said “You know, spilling the secret,” implying I ‘knew’ already. But she was also affixed with deliberately tousling her hair, making Imperial Hair Stylists all the world over scream and faint.  _ Hm.  _ “So there’s this prisoner in Lake Laogai who warned me that the Colonies are, quote, ‘nothing but trouble.’”  _ Don’t say the name. Don’t. She might tell Zuko in an Empress slip up moment.  _ The mention of Colonies perked her up. And by that I mean I was holding her hand and felt her heartbeat climb up for a moment. My other hand was busy playing with her hair. She took to asking “And why are you listening to the words of someone in prison?” proving that she was still on her feet...metaphorically...even if her hands were busy elsewhere making herself comfortable. I realized what I should’ve led with, but stated it a bit late. “Because these were the words of a wise, wise, man I once knew.” Her lifeless -quite pretty- eyes ‘looked’ at me. “So this prisoner repeated those words?” “Yes. And the wise man is wise.” I expected my half-serious comment to earn laughter, but instead, silence. “That was a joke” I didn’t care if I’d spoil the joke, I wanted her to know it was  _ meant  _ as one. “But you’re telling the truth,” she replied.  _ Right. Right. Of course. She can feel my truth-telling because she’s holding one of my hands and the other one is...resting against my side.  _ “What did the wise man suggest?” she asked, not a hint of joking to her voice. “I don’t know. I wish to find him again” I replied humbly, out of respect for his wisdom. Toph replied as I should’ve expected she would. “Well you can tell him that the Colonies are  _ mine _ now and forever!” I ran my hands through her hair. “Don’t you want to take this more...seriously, Toph?” She tried her best to shrug. “No. The Colonies are mine. I earned them with my own fists.” she took her hands and kissed them. “Didn’t I earn them, Kyoshi?” I felt like I was being defeated at this discussion. “Yes, Toph, you earned them.” Her tone moved to one of pride. “And ain’t nobody’s going to take it from me, right Kyoshi?” and she pushed for a quick answer by grabbing some of my long undone hair and running her hands through it. “No… nobody’s going to take it from you, Toph. But...shouldn’t we heed their advice?” She sighed. “No, Kyoshi.” And that was that. That was that. I might’ve sounded a bit pleading when I asked “Can’t we discuss this?” but she sighed. She wasn’t  _ annoyed _ , she kept likely stroking my hair, but she sighed. “No, Kyoshi, we can’t.” 

With  _ that  _ talking point seemingly smashed into the ground, my mind returned to the usual activities. “So I take it I missed Morning Court?” I asked her. “Like I’d know!” she answered while laughing into my chest. I asked the next logical question. “Was I not woken up for it?” “If you’re seriously asking me if  _ I  _ could be bothered to go to Court, the answer is no. If you’re asking if someone else  _ dared  _ disrupt my sleep-” she fell forward and back onto my collarbone, nestling herself there, “-to inform you that there was a Court this morning, the answer is also no.”  _ What? How could they forget?  _ I asked the pile of hair that was rubbing itself against me “May I ask the guards?” “Go right ahead.” So I rolled my good eye up from her head and to the doorway. “Guards?” I called out. “Yes, Your Majesty?” the voice of Captain Wuhan responded. “Did a courtier come this morning?…” then another question came to me before he could respond, “and where’s my cousin?”  _ Where is Suki?  _ “No courtiers came this morning, Your Majesty. And the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors does not have this watch.” His harsh Northern voice was nice and... _ powerful _ . “And where  _ is  _ she?” I asked him again. “She’s practicing the blade with His Highness, the Prince, and His Royal Majesty, the Fire Lord.”  _ Wait...what?  _ “The blade? And I wasn’t invited?” I said, involuntarily shocked. “I believe so, Your Majesty” he replied.

Thankfully for me, the ceiling called down to me, stating “The Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors is currently outside the Avatar’s Guest House.”  _ Wait why is the ceiling talking to me?  _ I wondered, forgetting which Imperial Palace I was sleeping in. “Ceiling? Why do you sound like a thirty year old man?” “Because I am a thirty year old man, Your Majesty” the ceiling answered. Toph pinched my arm,  _ ow _ , then murmured “no, no, you’re not attached to the ground” and she rolled to the side and draped her right arm down to touch the ground. All it took was a single touch. “There’s a pair of Dai Li sitting up there. They’ve got teacups and a Pai Sho board.”  _ Right. Right. Of course they do.  _ “Ceiling Dai Li?” I asked it like a question when it was actually a statement. “That is us!” a younger voice replied, happy to be summoned I guess. I looked at the Empress as she pulled her hand back up and rested it on the soft bed before repositioning herself for maximum pillow usage.  _ This feels like a waste of a day unless I do something with it.  _ I couldn’t press the Empress on the Colonies, so I thought of something else to do. There was a mention of blade practice, so I told her “I’m going to go blade practicing.” “Oh...kay.” Toph replied, half-tired and half-disappointed. “Would you prefer I stay here and you rest on me all day?” I asked, unintentionally sounding so nice and courtly my voice could belong in the next Pu-On Tim romance play where Hayashi and Actress Toph do things in places that aren’t bedrooms. “I mean...yes.” she took a breath. “But I also want to go say ‘hi’ to my favorite adorable friend.” and she, not I, let it be said she went first, threw the blanket off and sat up,  _ ow that’s just above my knee, ow _ . She was wearing whatever off-white undershirt was in style this season. Or any season. Because she can’t see color.  _ Right.  _

My campaign with the objectives to one, put on Imperial Informal Robes without being dragged off on a side-adventure, and two, put on  _ real  _ Robes without being dragged off to a wrestling match, went unchecked. My offensive into the Imperial Consort Bedroom,  _ note, why does it keep smelling of plants that are supposed to invigor fertility...oh wait I just answered my own question _ ,  _ double note, I hate those plants, does that mean I hate fertility?,  _ was successful. A small force of attendants converged on my position to bequeath me a variety of clothes. It took two to draw open the gigantic wall-high curtain to drown us all in volleys of sunlight. It took far more than two to carry out a closet sized collection of robes. Whereas the first portion of the operation was successful, this part was...not as successful. The histories will say the campaign succeeded in all objectives because we don’t use the word ‘defeat’.

I had many options. I could wear the Imperial Armor and go show off my blue glory to the teen with the egg-head, the teen with anger issues, the teen who can’t stop talking about her dead mom, the teen with a boomerang superiority complex and my amazing cousin.  _ Yes, Pu-On Tim, two can play at ‘the oversimplification of famous world leaders game’ _ . Or I could wear the Imperial General’s Wear -I don’t remember the old name and that’s what I’ll call it- famously remembered for being the Emperor’s - _ note, stop using third person, you’re not deserving of it _ \- Jewelry Store but as clothes. Now...I didn’t like the Imperial General’s Wear that much. Too jangly. 

  
  


Or I could choose... _lover’s robes? What?_. “Are those lover’s robes?” I asked the poor attendant with the job of holding some red robe so thin it was nearly see-through _-okay that might be dramatic_ \- made of...lace? And also when I said see-through I meant it had lots of very small holes everywhere. And again, it was red. “Yes, Your Majesty. Imported from Caldera” the soft-spoken attendant replied. _Ah, right. We liberated that whole truck full of soaps and clothes and towels and barrels of whiskey_. “Why would I wear this?” I meant to phrase it slightly differently, _I don’t need another reminder, I really really don’t_. Before she could open her mouth about what a ‘lover’s robe’ is used for, I clarified my question. “Why has this been taken out?” She looked sad. As if her life goal was to show me a piece of _no that’s not stolen, you’re stolen_ clothing that makes for lacy -did you _see_ what I did there, Toph?- burnable material. “Because Her Imperial Majesty was sleeping close to Your Majesty”. _Next thing you’ll tell me, snow falls in winter. Or the Avatar is actually an egg_. “Forgive me, but are you new here?” I tried my best to not sound rude. Then again, saying ‘forgive me’ is something a monarch isn’t supposed to utter to a ‘servant’. _But I’m not a monarch and you’re not a servant._ _I mean, I am a monarch, but you’re a person too and you deserve some respect_. “Yes, Your Majesty” the kind woman kindly replied. Very kind of her. “Right, so let’s make this clear. Whatever gossip _you all-_ ” and I looked over at the other young women who were all probably older than me but are still young compared to five thousand year old assassins, “-like talking about in your personal mess hall is not true. I” and it’s _great timing_ that I stepped forward and stubbed my toe on my own bed, “do not sleep with Her Imperial Majesty!” and because of the toe-stubbing, I shouted that at the top of my vocal capacity. I could’ve executed everyone for laughing at that, but that’d also be mean. I don’t like being mean to these people. “But Your Majesty does sleep with Her Imperial Majesty. Her Imperial Majesty can be found resting on Your Majesty’s chest.” _What, are all of you suddenly Katara with your surprise nitpicks?_ Using reality, I tried countering “and Her Imperial Majesty is wearing clothes!” _Because maybe you all really don’t want to believe me. Go ahead, don’t. Can’t refute that_. “Not always!” one of the attendants holding my Imperial Summertime Robes replied. _I...okay. Not always. And...oh forget trying to argue with the gossiping masses. Wait a miao._ “If I was sleeping with her, why would I come out and retrieve clothes now instead of earlier?” _There you go. Can’t beat that._ “Round two, Your Majesty?” the original ‘lover’s robe’ carrying woman challenged. _What is this? Wrestling?_ “Round two? What…” _What even...What. How. Why. I’m… Wait, why am I even discussing this._

I changed the subject, proudly declaring “I have a scabbard to unsheath!” I sounded confident. Determined. _I do. I have to go practice the jian_. Which only earned more giggling. _Why are all of you giggling? What about ‘unsheathing a scabbard’ is...oh. Oh. Oh. Right. Right. Of course._ “Are you all sixteen?” I asked and pondered. “I am!” one of the four people who were holding up one of the Imperial Summertime Robe variants, this one had a hint of yellow to it, responded. “You enjoy stupid discussions and terrible double meanings? I need to hook some of you up with this guy. He’s called Sokka. He’ll ‘rock ya’ as he so often claims.” _Since when did he claim that? You only heard that because Suki made that claim once_. “Is that the Water Tribe Prince?” asked one. “It is!” replied another. Then they all giggled about his looks and how dreamy he was. For the purposes of setting an example, I tried to say “and I’m dreamy, too, but I don’t see any of you falling head over heels for me!” to prove that such passing remarks are idiotic. Because they are. “But Your Majesty _is_ dreamy!” _I...right. What about ‘has one eye, auburn hair, forbidden from taking showers, constantly bruised chest, short life expectancy due to campaigns’ is dreamy? Who even went ‘oh I’m dreamy’. Wait. I’m an idiot_. “We just assume you’re so preoccupied with Her Imperial Majesty-” _please stop._ I cut them off. “Can I just put on clothes and get out of here?” Then, during the pause, I re-stated my objective. I’m getting up and going out to go practice the blade” This time, I hoped that I made it clear to this band of strangely obsessed -okay, actually that makes sense- attendants. So the people carrying ‘lover’s robes’ carried those back out and left me with an entire wall of clothing options. “I’ll take the Imperial Summertime Robes. I’d like to show off how wealthy I am.” I said that like a joke but they all genuinely smiled. “Your Majesty is as rich as Your Majesty is handsome!” one of them replied. _Handsome? I...right. I forgot. Right. Fans._

Before I could do that, I opted to shower. I went and completed the secondary objective -since this is a campaign, yes?- of showering, thankfully no creepy attendants standing in corners, and washed off all the dirt that was nicely, kindly, smeared onto me by the Empress and her hands. Who doesn’t like showers, but that’s okay.  _ Note, I like soap. Soap is nice.  _ Shortly thereafter, I returned and had the multiple layers of Imperial extravagance and opulence put on. After putting on my scabbard and choosing my meteorite-based blade of the Beifongs, I conducted a debriefing. Campaign? Successful. Robes were acquired, scabbard affixed, and I could march on the Avatar… 's Guest House. Main objectives? Completed. I did, in fact, put on clothing. Additional remarks? I was sidetracked, as was expected. I will  _ not  _ punish my personal attendants for gossiping and laughing. They’ve got tough jobs and I don’t mind if they go around talking about what they think happens. Besides, popular support for monarchs is good. Better to have them adore the Empress for events that don’t transpire...than to despise us for, well, anything that monarchs can be despised for. Including but not limited to: abusing the staff, abusing the people, throwing away all the gold on garbage, never paying servants, conscripting people into the military...and so on.

I marched across the Palace and somehow avoided all the Ministers and their ministerial nonsense.  _ I’m still annoyed over not being invited _ . I have to wonder if it was deliberate? Were they leaving me out because they didn’t want me to show up? I mean that’d make sense after I killed a minister for being utterly disrespectful to the Throne and it’s glorious defenders, the Dai Li. It was  _ possible  _ and it was sensible. But it  _ might  _ also be illegal. You can’t  _ ban  _ the Emperor, a monarch, from his own Court. Then again nobody banned me, they just conveniently forgot to invite me. 

As I marched, I stumbled upon an old friend of mine. Ming. Her hair was done up in two braids. She wore an outfit probably from a Middle Ring tailor with nice gold-colored trim on the dress fringes. She didn’t notice me because she was reading something. A book, in fact. “Ming, what’s the book?” I asked her from behind. She jumped and slammed the book shut, spreading dust everywhere. “Oh! Your Majesty!” and she kowtowed out of respect. “What were or are you reading?” I asked, now clarifying the question. She replied as excited as usual, jumping up and down. “There’s this wonderful historical fiction from the days of Earth King Jian. It’s about this Prince and it’s  _ his _ personal journal!”  _ Personal journal? Prince? Who in the name of Kyoshi?  _ “May I ask what the fascination is?” I asked her, looking down at the work. “Well, Your Majesty, see-” and she tried to make her voice nice and noble, “I collected as many records I could find” and she opened the book.  _ What in Kyoshi is this?  _ I asked. My good eye was drawn to  _ ‘today, my father told me to get good with the jian, lest the day come I need it! _ ’ 

_ What kind of person writes with so many exclamations? What in the name of Kyoshi!?! Why would that even be a passage? What kind of nonsense is this! So many exclamations! And practicing with blades? Wait! _

It’s called “The Records of Me. The Greatest Prince. Chong Shan.” Or...that’s what the first page says it is. I’m pretty certain the official book cover-title-thing is  _ Records of His Royal Highness, the Crown Prince, Chong-Shan  _ but considering one of the first lines is about how ‘awesome’ the color green is, I have to imagine the first title I mentioned is his own. And...it’s...something else. Ming thinks this ancient Prince -okay not that ancient- has some fun comments on the state of his realm at his time. And she was all ‘oh, you should check out  _ this  _ perspective’ since I’m a descendant of Kyoshi who most definitely fixed the broken, bloated, system that was the Earth Kingdom and founded the Dai Li in its place. But, alas, one man’s heroine is another man’s tyrant. 

So this Prince was the son of the actual Crown Prince, which, no,  _ that means the title is incorrect _ , and grew up in the Royal Palace. He was given the usual education of ‘learn to use the blade, the bow’ and all other gentlemanly arts that I  _ wish  _ were still practiced. And he was also...self referentially aware of his existence as a nonbender. So, when he was a kid, he learned that the Avatar, Kyoshi -she’s the best by the way- was running around killing  _ daofei.  _ And what are young Chong’s thoughts on all this? “So I can train for years to use my  _ jian  _ and some woman can show up and kill everyone in a mere moment?” And, sure, if you aren’t on Kyoshi’s side - _ one, poor you _ \- and two, that’s quite right. Aang, if he wasn’t a pacifist, could quite easily blow the top off the Imperial Palace. 

Anyways, this -not actually the Crown- Prince,  _ at least for now _ , also has no idea how the rest of the world worked. He thought Air Nomads could summon typhoons to kill fleets, he thought the Water Tribes practice cousin-marriages - _ wait, I also believe that...and it’s not wrong- _ and he thinks the Fire Nation’s boring. ‘Probably too hot’. Again, I’m with him. Ba Sing Se’s nice and mild. I only took a few cursory glances at Ming’s book, because I have things to get to, but I  _ must  _ know more. So I ordered that the original texts be copied and sent to the non-burnable pile of letters for future reading. Whoever this Chong was, he’s one of the most self-aware men in history. And as such, I pray his eventual death by poisoning or assassination or whatever came nice and quickly. Considering my other option is to read the accounts of Earth King Jian himself, a man who was half deluded and actually bankrupted his Kingdom, I’d much rather take the Prince’s accounts. Oh, and he likes whiskey.  _ You and I could be friends. Except you’re probably anti-Kyoshi considering the sentiment those days. Also, you aren’t the Crown Prince. Unless some major plot-related event happens later on, your title is a lie!  _ And of course, there’s the chance this entire thing is just historical  _ fiction _ and never happened. Such is the case with a folktale of a handmaiden deliberately losing her clothes to flee to a Prince’s bedroom to attempt to seduce him only to get bonked really hard on the head, dragged out, and executed for...well...attempting to seduce the Prince.  _ A  _ Prince. Just as that is folktale, this might be, too. It’d explain why Ming loves reading it. Real history’s too boring, right?  _ Like the time the Fire Lord took a whiskey bottle to the head while an aerial battle ensued above him, before being impaled by a fifteen year old blind girl.  _

I exited through the main doors, officially the Southern Entrance. Except when I got there, after the loud horns blared and the whole “Presenting, His Imperial Majesty”, one of the Imperial Guards went “Your Majesty, you may wish to learn of some new changes.”  _ New? Changes?  _ His comment was  _ perfectly  _ timed for the majestic and terrifying dragon -and personal mount of the Fire Lord-  _ screeching  _ while soaring over all of us and flying into the Inner Courtyard. Which in turn caused the Imperial Guards there to ‘advance forward’ because it’s not like any of us knew where he wanted to land. Did I mention that he’s a big beast? I don’t know how dragons had stables when they grow to be so imposing and  _ massive _ . Instead of obeying Imperial Parking Law, which probably exists, he landed next to the small handful of ants swinging sharp things at one another. With this spectacle concluded, I looked back at the Imperial Guard whose name I did not know and “what changes?” He pointed above the door. At first I thought  _ maybe another giant flying animal was about to pounce on us _ but eventually realized he was referring to the door itself.

“The Gate of Imperial Supremacy”. _Gate? Imperial? Supremacy?_ There was only one cause for this. “Did the Ministers rename our gate?” and yes, I said ‘our’ because I actually live in this nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine room Palace. “I don’t know, Your Majesty, I’m just the guard” the man responded. _Right. You’re just the guard. Sure. Right. I don’t know why I asked you_. I’m pretty certain it used to be the “Doorway of Everlasting Peace” or something nonsensical like that. _No, that’s the Council of Five’s Tower’s door’s name. I think_. Henceforth, I could walk through the -in an intense, gritty voice- “ _Gate of Imperial Supremacy_ ”. Nothing says Supremacy like all this gold, though. Back down in reality, the Imperial Guard formed their lines for all five ministers that happened to be wandering around at that time. Someone decided to summon the Imperial Palanquin - _is this also a Minister thing? I thought we were using a truck? I mean the Imperial Carriage-_ and all palanquin-bearers that entailed. As if this flamboyant couldn’t get more flamboyant, the Spirits disagreed and out came a line of attendants from behind the Palanquin. I ran down the stairs and it occured to me, _you know, you can’t fight while dressed as an Emperor_. But I was going to try anyway. What did I have to lose? Getting knocked down by someone?

It won’t be said that I didn’t know how to make an entrance. I didn’t _need_ to take a palanquin but I guess someone saw ‘oh, he’s wearing _actual this-costs-more-than-an-entire-town’s-taxes clothes_ ’ and concluded that I wanted style over...not style. Also, Toph isn’t with me. So we don’t have to all play a game of ‘Catch that Empress!’ _which is a game. Requirements: One cactus juice. All of my patience. A small army of Dai Li skating around like fancy dancers. Alternative style of play: One Empress, a small army of Imperial Guards_. I got in the Imperial Palanquin and ordered “forward, to the blade practice!” and the bearers stood up and we set off. 

Instead of writing fifteen chapters about Palanquin Adventures: How a Dai Li Agent Learned to Fall in Love, I showed up momentarily afterwards because, as it turns out, palanquin-bearers are fast on their feet. Some horn man was quite happy with his horn and he kept blowing it. As we -  _ well I _ \- approached our destination, I noted that Suki was training with a multi-national team. Not really a surprise, I was informed of it earlier, but it’s something unique nonetheless.  _ On to the contestants:  _

Representing our wonderful home island, the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors swung a wooden blade - _ right, we don’t want to kill anyone-  _ that looked as long as a katana. She was parried by the Water Tribe’s representative, Prince -not actually a Prince- Sokka, the Seductionbender, Captain of Boomerangs, and his wooden  _ jian _ . And by parried I mean he let her come in with the strike before clanging the blade on the tang. The Fire Lord himself was swinging two wooden  _ dao  _ around. After kind of defeating my cousin, Sokka turned to him and had his world turned  _ up, side, down _ by Zuko. Zuko was mimicking a scythe cutting wheat and Sokka was mimicking a piece of wheat making love to the dirt. To represent the Empire in all its glory, out strolled a shorter man with a topknot of grey hairs that were more white than grey and his “three on one! Let’s do it!” challenge to the other three.  _ General Song _ . Before Zuko could run head first into getting Lu Ten’d by the Slayer of Lu Ten, or Sokka could run face first into another failure, or Suki could...well she was just standing there politely, I hopped out of my palanquin and everyone took to their appropriate formalities in a game of one-upping each other. 

“Well _someone’s_ dressed fancily” commented Suki, the first to get out of her proper bow. “Who says you can’t fight with swords and sword-like weapons while dressed like _this_ ” and I pulled on my lighter-than-expected robes and let them fall to the ground. Or...almost to the ground. They were tailored so unless I was climbing stairs, my feet always _just,_ just, stick out. Granted, I was wearing slippers, not boots. “Glad to see Your Majesty is alive and well” commented the General, to what he was referencing I didn’t know. “What are you referencing?” “Attacking an army of bare-chested people armed with this year’s finest whalebone” and he and Suki laughed at that while Zuko metaphorically scratched his head -he had his usual neutral or happy scowl- and Sokka literally scratched his three chin hairs. “Did you know those were _mercenaries_?” I countered his challenge. “Oh no! Scary scary bare-chested mercenaries” General Song sarcastically quipped. “Greetings, Your Kingliness!” the not-a-Prince of the South bowed. _That’s not the right title_. “A good day, Your Majesty” and the Fire Lord pulled off a perfect royalty-to-royalty bow.

Everyone paused their performance to watch the two of us engage in conversation. “Any ideas on what could motivate a bunch of men and women to refuse wearing shirts and paint themselves with white moons on their chests?” General Song pulled on his beard. “This was the first time in the Empire’s history that we encountered that. Not the first for the Kingdom. They sound like Kang Shen to me, Your Majesty.”  _ Kang Shen? Weren’t those the crazy lunatics that charged a castle in the east?  _ “They still exist? Weren’t they all, you know” and I made a  _ slice-neck  _ motion after noticing the Avatar sitting on a nearby rooftop watching us. I needed to use my subtlety to prevent reminding him that his past life actively partook in battles, even if she didn’t kill anyone herself. General Song glanced up there, then back at me. “No, no, they weren’t Kelsang’d, Your Majesty”  _ Oh, I get it. I invented a saying, to be Ozai’d. And now it’s being repurposed.  _ “Movements like that love hiding themselves in lands where Imperial…” then he glanced to the side and noticed the Fire Lord watching him and “let’s talk about this later, Your Majesty?” My good eye followed his in a trying-not-to-be-obvious-gesture-that-was-actually-quite-obvious which earned Zuko’s scowling. And I agreed. 

He waved over some of his men who were sitting in a _how did I miss that, wait I’m missing an eye_ , truck off to the side. They started their engine for the immense thirty foot journey and drove over. The General asked me if there aer “any wooden blades you want? They’re in there, Your Majesty.” I undid my scabbard and held it out, waiting for someone to grab it. But because all my attendants are too busy looking at shirtless Sokka and shirtless Zuko, I looked at Suki. _Okay Sukes, I guess it’s on you_. Thankfully she wasn’t infatuated enough to forget her job. She took my scabbard and belt and carried it over to the Avatar’s Guest House doorstep. _Wait._ Then a question hit me. “Why are you two shirtless? How does that assist in training?” This earned Song’s chuckles and Suki’s shrug. Suki wasn’t shirtless and neither was I. They didn’t respond. I took a wooden _jian_ out of the back and said “okay, you two can back out of my sight now” and I meant it metaphorically. The guards took it literally. They took it literally but they only backed up a few feet. Because...right eye what eye? Song gave them some verbal encouragement to back up a smidge further, “His Imperial Majesty means _back up_.” “Yes, General” the two replied. I turned around, and _ahh!_ Sudden Ty Lee! 

I politely asked the girl “Can I practice here?” She decided that a one-handed handstand was the correct procedure for greetings.  _ I guess it beats ‘Bang!’ and some guy falling from the roof _ . “Sure thing, and you’re pretty  _ fancy  _ by the way, Earth King!” and she effortlessly bent over backwards and walked away.  _ What… _ Also, Earth King? That’s somehow worse than ‘Your Earthliness’. Speaking of worse than, the Avatar himself waved to me from up high. He was sitting next to his waterbending girlfriend and I believe the two were enjoying watching us puny nonbenders -and Zuko- flail around with heavy, slightly disproportionate to correct size, sticks. Again, I don’t know why the other two male members of royalty -but not the Avatar- were shirtless. But that would explain the sudden Ty Lee. Because Ty Lee...I guess she enjoys watching her lawful monarch and the Seductionbender twirl sticks.

“Places!” Song shouted while the four of us faced one another in a wide circle. Starting with Suki, Sokka was to her left, to his left was myself, to my left was Zuko, and finally to his left was Suki once again. We’d attack one another in organized sets. We had been practicing for the course of a few  _ dian _ . We’d go in sets where one person attacked the others. This way, we’d figure out who was the best and worst amongst us. Each time the set ended, General Song would give personal corrections. I don’t think he owes the other nations anything, but this is a courtesy, something something ‘exchanging information’. Like exchanging information would make a club-wielder a master  _ dao  _ wielder.

“Another set!” he shouted. “Fire Lord, you’re up!” Zuko brought his blades up to bow to the three of us before charging his opposite, Sokka. One  _ dao  _ came up and clanged against Sokka’s wooden  _ jian _ . The other came down and Sokka pulled back, letting it hit air, while side-stepping and striking Zuko in his side. Except Zuko had two  _ dao _ and parried tie swinging strike before ‘stabbing’ Sokka in his undefended chest. The ‘duels’ were to first hit and we weren’t meant to kill one another. The idea was a duel can be won in the first hit -not counting armor, which is rarer than one may think- and that all the folk tales are lying. The folk tales  _ are  _ lying, so this isn’t that incorrect. 

Zuko pulled back and we watched him.  _ Suki or me? Suki or me?  _ He went for Suki. A side-on strike with both his  _ dao _ . Suki held her ground and hit both with her much longer blade. Zuko had to avoid a slicing strike for the chest, he did, and took to circling Suki. Suki, meanwhile, did not budge. Zuko came in with one stab and one strike and took a blade to the stabbing arm, knocking his  _ dao  _ to the ground. He bowed to her, looking past her at I, picked up his  _ dao _ and walked around her to come towards his last target. 

I raised my blade to head-height and prepared for a down strike. He could see this tell coming and brought one of his blades up to block it while the other lunged forward to stab me and my robes.  _ Nope. Got you.  _ I swapped hands at the last moment and parried his stabbing blade. Before he could take his blocking blade to counter mine, I prodded him in the chest. “And you’d be dead,” I added. “No talking!” the General barked from off to the side. Zuko found his place again and bowed to the three of us. 

Song followed Zuko’s order of battle and critiqued each of us. “Prince Sokka, your footwork was off.” and he showed him the ‘correct’ way to sidestep, something akin to lowering into a horse stance and getting out of it. “Thank you, General” the not-a-Prince stated. He paced over to Suki. “Captain, your blade cannot parry his dao. Stop treating it like it can.” “Right, General.” Then he spun around, as fast as a elderly war hero could spin, to look at me. “Your Majesty, what kind of trick was that? Since when would anyone swap hands?” and I raised my hands to bow in respect to him. Humbly, I explained myself. “General, I swapped from my off-hand to my sword hand.” “So? He would’ve chopped your head in two and left your brains spilling out.” “I...what do you wish me to do, General?” “Block, Your Majesty.” “Very good, General.” I bowed to him. Content with his commanding, he looked to Zuko. The winner of this ‘set’ earned criticism like the rest of us. 

“ _ Fire Lord _ , you lunge far too much.” Song demonstrated the issue in the middle of the space, extending his front foot forward while punching ahead of him. The Fire Lord bowed to him and defended himself. “Master Piandao encouraged otherwise.  _ Uncle _ stated that an overwhelming offensive could overwhelm a rudimentary defense.” Song smirked. “I’m sure he told you that when he defeated General Cao.” “What’s that about?” the Fire Lord asked. “Nothing” the General waved it off.  _ The then Crown Prince defeated General Cao with an overwhelming offensive. So overwhelming and unbreakable until his son died. Then it stopped being unbreakable and started being breakable. And...who was the man to bring Iroh’s first defeat? That’s right, Song _ . Song quickly changed the subject with “Who wants to go next?” Since I was the freshest of the bunch, I offered myself. “May I go?” “By all means, Your Majesty.” and he nodded. He barked “Places!” and we all backed a few paces into our specific spots. 

I gave a simple bow to the other three, locking my good eye onto each. I stepped into the middle of the ring, looked from side to side, and visually picked Sokka. He brought his hands down to a guard position.  _ Ha.  _ I thought as I watched his  _ right  _ hand holding his blade.  _ Do you see what side my blade is on?  _ I came at him, he prepared for the block, then all I had to do was step just a little bit to my left and  _ bam!  _ my blade smacked his right. “Ow?” he replied, rubbing his side.  _ Ow, the question? Or...ow! the exclamation!  _ I smiled while he rubbed himself in confusion and defeat.  _ And that’s why you don’t do shirtless _ .  _ As you would’ve learned had you come with us to Nan Day.  _

Spinning around, I had a clear-cut order in mind. I slowly walked over to Zuko, giving him the old  _ here’s my eyebrows, flashing, do take this taunt and run face-first into a blade _ but he was too busy practicing breath control. So I came at him with the usual chop-like swing down the middle. He brought up both blades to block it. I followed through by pulling back to a guard position. To this, he came at me with both  _ dao  _ at once. I ducked,  _ thanks _ ,  _ front stance _ , and his right  _ dao  _ banged into my blade as I blocked the downward head strike. We backed up, not that normal for real combat but common in practice, and raised our blades again. This time, he tried one after the other, both coming from the same direction -left to right- and both enhanced with his spinning footwork. I blocked the second of the two. As he attempted to bring his first blade around, I ran my heavy wooden  _ jian  _ down the underside of his blade before poke-stabbing him in the underarm. The Fire Lord smiled and silently bowed to me. 

Suki was next. And she knew what she was doing.  _ Bang! More bang! Another bang!  _ Her blade came down on mine, I pushed it off, and had to backstep due to her wide right-to-left swing. Then I came back towards her and parried a more vertical strike of hers. I followed this up with an attempted strike to her right side. And  _ that  _ is when she stepped on my toes and swept my front leg out from under me. She also caught me on the way down, which was nice.  _ Thanks Sukes.  _ The General shouted “What in the name of Her Imperial Majesty was that?” as he walked over to the two of us. 

“I used my legs” Suki justified herself. Frustrated at this, he loudly said “You didn’t strike his blade, he would’ve cut into you!”. In response, she dropped me to the paving stones with a  _ thud _ . “He wouldn’t have.” she probably pointed at me to prove her point. I wouldn’t know, I was looking at her leg. “Your guard was improper for defense against the unusual”.  _ Defense against the unusual? I’m unusual? Song, have you ever been to Kyoshi Island?  _ “It was. My right hand was maneuvering the blade. Because I was pretending to  _ not  _ know that he’s about to come at me like  _ that _ ” The General seemed to calm down -it was an act, he wasn’t upset at us, this was part of training- and bowed his head to her. “Very good, then. You prepared for the usual and adapted as needed.” I could feel the superiority of a sibling rivalry pour out of her voice as she declared “I prepared for the usual and adapted to  _ him _ !”  _ Thank you, Sukes. Make me fall over on my face in front of all the world leaders.  _ Then he went over to scold Sokka and Zuko for having terrible guards. To which they used Suki’s excuse of “how could I see a left-handed blade wielder coming?” Zuko was the more frustrated of the two, Sokka was the more confused of the two. The General told Zuko “You’re wielding  _ dao _ , you don’t have to attack with both.” Zuko knew this, he  _ had  _ to, but as he pointed out “It’s not often I’m fighting left-handed men.” Suki helped me up. I shook myself off, attempted to pommel-strike her in the arm, succeeded because I caught her off-guard, then the two of us pretended none of that happened when Song’s heavy footsteps walked over to Sokka and asked “and?” as he leaned in to look at Sokka’s blade. He swiped it from his hand, “you swing like your pommel weighs an entire sack of grain!” “Because my hilt is heavy.” the Prince kind of whined, at least it sounded like a whine, in reply. “Then practice more” came the General’s bored tone of a reply.

After we were all told how terrible we were, which is part of training, Song offered us a challenge. “Four on one!” and he took his place between the four of us in the middle of the ring, holding a pair of wooden  _ dao _ . It was at this point that I had retrieved my real blade and scabbard. “Do we want to do this?” Sokka asked, looking around. “Sure!” shouted the Avatar, who was still sitting up there, his and Katara’s feet dangling off the edge of the roof. “General, can we plan this first?” I asked. “No!” he responded. We all looked around, trying to individually form plans that probably would work well as a group. “Begin!” and he held either  _ dao  _ outstretched, pointing at the two shirtless members of royalty. I put the ancestral blade on the ground and took the scabbard in my off-hand to compliment my wooden  _ jian _ . It’s usually hard to detach a scabbard mid-fight but now?  _ Why not? _ Zuko went first, yelling because surprise attacks require yelling. Then, since he was attacking, I thought to go on the offensive as well. Which made Suki raise her hand into one of those higher  _ kamae  _ and join in. Which dragged Sokka into the charge as well. So how did the fight go?

How would four people, who didn’t plan this, fight together? Zuko ran at him and received a strike so forceful Zuko had to buckle into a stance. Song used one dao to cut at his legs, knocking Zuko out. Then he turned around to double-swipe Sokka, but Sokka followed his instruction, got into a deep horse stance, and pulled back out of it to appear on the ‘inside’ of the swing. But Song, being Song, must’ve known this was coming because he went for a low shin-strike to send Sokka spiraling backwards. Then he turned to me and brought both blades down on my left or his right in two fast slices. But that’s when I drew my scabbard and blocked both of his blades with my blade and scabbard. He, again, put force into the attack and would’ve broken my nonexistent stance -being taller than an opponent can be a deficient- except Suki hit the side of his neck with her katana in one of her usual diagonal side-to-side strikes. He immediately dropped the dao and broke into laughter. “Good! Someone’s learning to fight  _ as a team _ .”

He bowed to the two of us still standing. “And Your Majesty used your scabbard. Very Piandao.” He had a happy tone to his voice. He turned around to Suki, who bowed to him, and said “you know how to fight in a team. I would expect nothing less from the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors.” She smiled and admitted that “I didn’t plan this with His Imperial Majesty. His Imperial Majesty took the brunt of the strike while I took an opportunity that was available.” Again, it might be how she said it, it might be her honesty, but it made Song give a howling laugh. “And we’re all none the wiser. A team is formed from unified practice, and I’m sure if the roles were reversed, His Imperial Majesty would’ve gone for the opportunity. Right?” and both he and Suki looked at me. I deeply bowed to the two of them. “Of course, General. Though...I often end up the man holding another man down while she does the slicing.” and she nodded to the back of his head to affirm what I was saying. The Avatar jumped down from his comfortable position and childishly-in-tone asked “So! Is practice over?” directed towards the General or maybe me, while looking between the General and I. I looked at him for approval, he nodded, and I said “yes, Avatar. It is.” We put our wooden weapons back in the truck and retrieved our usual ones. Then, the Avatar, instead of doing anything reasonable, said that “You’re all invited to have some tea in my house!”  _ It’s not even yours, though, is it _ .

As the Avatar led the way for his friends and companion, including a Mai who was waiting inside the house already and a Ty Lee who was hopping and skipping over, I called out “Avatar, surely this isn’t all the training for today?” He spun around and said “If Your Earthliness wants to continue training, I’ll keep your tea warm!” He wholesomely laughed at his own offer. I looked up at the afternoon Sun and shook my head. “I do want to continue training. My day is not done until I’m done practicing!” He shouted “I’m hoping you’ll come later. We have some important matters to discuss!” while I got back in the Imperial Palanquin. Suki ran after me, probably with intent to join me, but I pulled open the cover of the Palanquin and asked her “You bear the Imperial Seal, right?” and she pulled it out of a pocket. I nodded. “Represent Her Imperial Majesty, should anything drastic arise, find me at the training grounds!” “Right away,  _ Your Majesty _ ” she replied in a formal voice and bowed. “To the archery range!” I ordered. The General came walking along the side of the mobile platform. “Ah! His Majesty cares for the fine arts!” Then he looked to me. “May I join Your Majesty for some archery?” I wasn’t going to refute his eagerness. “Of course, General.” 

To get to the archery range, we make a right past the row of Guest Houses and work our way into the southwestern portion of the Imperial Palace Compound. This is the same range that, according to Song, “traditionally, every member of the Royal Earthbending Guard would train their archery at”. Nowadays, the Imperial Metalbending Guard uses it as a place to also practice throwing metal javelins. We got there within a few  _ fen _ and it was quite empty. Aside from the usual conical hats peeking out from nearby roofs, that is. The range itself had a variety of weapons with which to practice with. Bows, namely wood laminate longbows and three varieties of composite horn bow; Crossbows, repeating, ‘mounted’, that is, a lighter draw weight, along with the regular foot-drawn types, among others. 

I picked out a composite bow specially designed for winter weather since most bows that exist within the Empire would fall apart at the seams should we be hit with a rainstorm. I went down to the range itself, a variety of hay targets made to look like soldiers, some even with actual tower shields planted in the ground in front of the target to represent hitting a shieldwall. Song joined me at my left, a deliberate move which made it easier to see him. He began training immediately. “Remember, you want to practice long draw-” and he nocked an arrow, drew it back, and five  _ miao  _ later, he loosed an arrow into the ‘head’ of one of the hay targets down the range. One of the further targets. “And short draw” and within the span of a single blink, he drew an arrow back and launched it into the chest of the hay target. 

I took his advice and tried alternating. There were quivers full of ‘practice’ arrows for me to use. I went for the long draw first.  _ Nock. Draw. Aim.  _ A target with a shield to his left. _ Exhale. Twing.  _ Just above the smallest circle on his chest.  _ Nock. Draw. Aim.  _ Same target.  _ Exhale _ .  _ Twing.  _ A bit below the smallest circle.  _ I adjusted my aim too far _ . “Song?”  _ Twing _ . He hit the head just below the second-to-smallest circle.  _ I bet I distracted him from the perfect hit _ . “Yes, Your Majesty?” he responded, calm. “So I’ve been thinking about the army reforms.”  _ Twing.  _ He hit a target in the neck. “What about them?” he asked.  _ Okay, you can recall them all _ .  _ Regional armies. Standardized equipment. Better training. Modernizing everything from the Imperial Guard down to the lowest militia. Repeating crossbows and biplanes.  _ Song loosed another arrow.  _ Twing.  _ An arrow hit a target on the spear-arm shoulder.

I began sounding all the requests and needs and goals off. “Her Imperial Majesty needs regional armies. Her Imperial Majesty needs regional armies that can respond to local problems.” He  _ twinged  _ another arrow into the chest. “Her Imperial Majesty needs regional armies that are better trained than the militia so-” and I’m not going to lie, I said the next part with an element of frustration, “-mere  _ daofei  _ can’t rout an army. Or mere mercenaries can pose a strategic threat to a defensive position” and I took a few deep breaths afterwards.  _ Twing _ . Another arrow into the head, then he planted the foot of the bow into the soft dirt. He turned to me and asked “Your Majesty, are you calling for a total military reform? That’s impossible.” I appreciated his compassionate tone, but...  _ And that’s what I feared. It’s impossible because my dream was a dream and the only thing nicer about reality is Toph’s in it _ . That last thought brought a smile to my face.  _ Smiling isn’t training, and it isn’t progress _ . I took my bow again and nocked an arrow.  _ Draw _ ,  _ aim,  _ I chose a shielded soldier and the joint where the right arm meets the shoulder.  _ Exhale. Twing _ . Direct hit.

“We don’t need to reform the entire army-” _though that’s what I wish would happen_ , “-but I think-” _no, that’s not right,_ I corrected myself, “-in the interests of Her Imperial Majesty, I believe she should…” _where was I going?_ I lost my words because of formalities. “General, can I not be formal?” He half-laughed. “Your Majesty can cut the proper for now. It’s alright. I want to hear Your Majesty’s, as a fellow Imperial Commander’s, opinions.” The half-laugh is because there’s a part of this that is humorously annoying -the formalities- and a part of this that forms one of the few tenants of stability in the Empire, _also the formalities_. I breathed out in relief. Then I picked up another arrow. _Nock, draw, aim,_ I chose a hay man probably a hundred feet away. _Slow… Twing_. I hit the target where his mouth would be.

I explained my idea in the best words I could come up with. “From my experiences, I think we need to incorporate regional forces into the Imperial Army. The militia are too poorly trained and better left off garrisoning their villages or towns, not chasing  _ daofei _ . I wouldn’t hire these ‘armies’ to be akin to mercenaries, but...standing armies. Especially for mobile patrols. Armies that are assigned to a region and do not leave it. When a  _ daofei  _ warlord rises up and tries to take the Gong Basili Pass, an army from Zhaoze De or Zaofu can be dispatched to get rid of it instead of having Fong sent down from Senlin or wherever his fortress is.” Song, not intentionally, came off as annoying when he corrected me. “He has two fortresses, the Northern Fortress which is now the Azure Docks and the Southern Fortress which is where he met the Avatar.”  _ Wait really? So he’s not travelling all the way from the other end of the Great Divide? Have I been calling something Fong’s Fortress that was in fact his staging ground? _ “And where’s the Southern Fortress?” I wondered, curious because one, I’d like to visit, and two, I like knowing things. “I believe Dalaozi, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh, good. Just over the Yangwa River from Dahai. Where was this almost two seasons ago when we showed up at Dahai?  _ “Forgive me, Your Majesty. You were saying?” and he bowed to me. 

I went on. “I don’t know how many regions the Empire has. I don’t even know what counts as a region. Is the Bei Sha a region? The Si Wong’s got some strange borders, what with all the steppe lands. Would Kyoshi Island fall under the Chin army or the Earth Islander army?” and as always, I got caught up in the little details. “Your Majesty, it’s okay.” he reassured me with a elderly kindhearted voice and matching demeanor. “Personally, I’m with Your Majesty. Twenty or so regional armies could do wonders to deal with the seasonal  _ daofei _ . But what would the chain of command be like?” he asked while picking up his bow for another draw, aim and loose. “Maybe…” I pondered, “each army could fall under the Council with each member of the Five being given, let’s say, four regional officers, relative to the lands they already administrate, for supervising purposes.” I looked at him and I saw a grin. “That sounds great, but what would-” he was interrupted by someone shouting “Your Majesty!”. 

I dropped my bow and turned around and encountered a pair of Dai Li.  _ What in the name of Kyoshi happened?  _ I was  _ quite  _ bitter at being interrupted from this discussion. “Why have you interrupted me?” The Dai Li pair bowed and the same vocal one said “The vanguard of the Sunan Riders has arrived in the Outer Courtyard.” Song put his bow down and murmured ‘he’s early’ before turning to me and bowing. “Your Majesty, I’d like you to meet Captain Ju-Long.” “You sent for him?” “I did, Your Majesty. He could help us with the creation of these regional forces.” “Very good, then” and the two of us got on ostrich horses and rode for the Inner Courtyard. 

“Form up!” Lieutenant Taishi shouted. The Imperial Guard formed up in a thick line in front of the Steps. Each one had his left hand on a lance and his right hand on a  _ dao  _ hilt. With our men finally organized, I ordered “Let them in!” and the command was repeated. I ran up about twenty stairs, spun around, and made myself as stiff-backed as possible.  _ Now I’d be grateful for that Imperial Summertime Robe choice _ . 

The South Gate to the Inner Courtyard opened and in rode a column of ostrich horses. They bore lances with pennants showing a white bellflower on a dark green background.  _ Or...it looked very similar to a bellflower _ . Looking at these riders as they approached, I thought they wore helmets. No. The Sunan Riders all have long straight black hair. Undone black hair that flows down to their upper chests.  _ Like ostrich horse manes _ . The column was led by a man wearing a dark green ‘crown’ with a small white pin in the front. “Men!” he shouted. They punched the air with their spears. He hopped off his mount and  _ kowtowed _ . Really really well considering he looks like a wild man. He looked up at us and remarked. “I’m  _ back _ ! It’s good to be back!” His ‘crown’ resembles their bellflower banner. 

I let him rise. He punched the air again. “Ten Thousand Years, men!” The men chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” in one massive husky voice. He punched the air again. “Again, men!” The riders shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” He stomped the ground, making his hair fly all over the place. “I didn’t hear ya loud enough!” So they yelled “Ten Thousand Years!” “See what I mean, Your Majesty? They’re loyal.” and Song tapped my shoulder. Oh, there was no question. These men were wild. And fervently loyal to the Badgermole Throne.

_ The bellflower banner...I found a more...official...name for these forces. These regional armies with their own banners. These regional armies flying the banners of their regions.  _

_ The Banner Armies. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Sunan Riders demonstrate their competency!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Encyclopedic Folks:  
> -Azula and Lao Ge can both be considered Mori's mentor figures. He's met and learned from Azula, soon he will learn from Lao Ge.  
> -Their similarities are deliberate. Neither are good people, but as you've seen or will soon see, the 'good' people don't make it far in the world of politics and court intrigue. 
> 
> -Yes, Toph averted discussing the Colonies with the power of arrogance and disinterest.   
> -This chapter once again demonstrates Mori's inability to push his Empress towards listening to him. You're free to choose whether it's a character flaw or a virtue...or a mix of the two. Future chapters may give support for one or the other. 
> 
> -In classic style, Mori -and the writing- is distracted by debating and proving that he does not *sleep* with the Empress.  
> -I know what you aren't asking: Why write this? The discussion of heirs and heir-making becomes a crucial plot point in the future. I will explain more when the appropriate chapter arises. Just know that heirs = legitimacy.  
> -In addition, this discussion with the attendants is meant to give some insight into who they are. They love the monarchy. There's a point to it, popular support keeps the Empress in power.  
> -Ming first appeared in Records. She's Toph's personal attendant.
> 
> -Prince Chong-Shan was mentioned once before. As said previously, he's a bit of an eccentric partygoer who loved the people. He's like if Mori was drunk 24/7 and hung out primarily in taverns.
> 
> -Song killed Lu Ten. Lu Ten was a hothead and Song wasn't.  
> -The Kang Shen are a fanatical sect from Rise of Kyoshi. These moon people are (likely) an off-shoot of the movement. In place of the characters for 'impervious', they believed in the power of the Midnight Sun to protect them. Granted, it almost did.   
> -Mori does have sword training every morning. Or almost every morning. I skip over it because it's unnecessary to show *every* single instance of him practicing.   
> -Kamae are taken to mean 'stances' but the context of this sentence means Mori's refering to the Kendo Kamae. The main five are Jodan-no-kamae, Chudan-no-kamae, Gedan-no-kamae, Hasso-no-kamae, and Waki-no-kamae. They will be elaborated on in a upcoming chapter.
> 
> -Zhaoze De is the land between Zaofu (south of Zaofu), Gaoling (west of Gaoling) and Chin (northeast of Chin).
> 
> -Captain Ju-Long looks like this: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/BNjtE63GHlA/hqdefault.jpg  
> -The Sunan Riders look like Ju-Long but without the 'crown'.  
> -The Sunan Riders's designs are based on the Qiang/Xiliang from the Three Kingdoms era. Their fighting style and culture (elaborated on in a few chapters from now) is based on the Mongols.
> 
> -Thus, henceforth the term 'Banner Army' is to be used to refer to these regional forces


	38. The Sunan Riders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Sunan Riders, one of the only organizations in the Empire who get too little hype for their qualifications.

Chapter: One Hundred and Four

The man with the prestigious black mane that went down beneath his shoulders got back into a kowtow until, and only until, I told him to get up. He gruffly asked “Your Imperial Majesty. How’s Her Imperial Majesty?”. With the mention of Toph’s official title, the mob of ostrich horse riders piling into the Inner Courtyard raised their lances and chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” Their mounts were stirred, as if standing still was against their nature. I looked at Song, who was giving me this visual ‘no, they’re not insane, Your Majesty’ look,  _ note, I kind of needed that. Thank you Song.  _ Because I’m used to formalities, I responded with a formality. “Her Imperial Majesty retains her youthful beauty while exemplifying eternal glory in the name of the Badgermole Throne.” Sure, I know that sounded obnoxious.  _ Welcome to being formal _ . And yet, the mob of riders replied with the chant “Ten Thousand Years!” and punched the air with their lances. Seeing this, I realized that maybe they didn’t want to sit there all day.  _ What gave it away? The ostrich horses refusing to sit, er, stand still?  _ The leader of the ostrich horses looked up at me and smiled. “That’s wonderful, Your Majesty. I heard there were some  _ traitors  _ who needed a-cracking. So my boys and I rode up to give Your Majesties a hand!” and the ‘boys’ who were all young or middle aged men punched the air and whooped. The mass of ostrich horse riders concerned me.  _ Stirred mounts could cause chaos _ . With this in mind, I asked “perhaps your men would like to dismount?” and looked at Song because I wanted to know  _ did I just ask them the wrong question?  _ The Commander of the Sunan Riders yelled “We don’t need to, Your Majesty.”  _ Okay then.  _ “Then…” I staggered to continue the offer, “...if anyone wants to dismount, they can.” One Imperial Guard, not Taishi, looked to me and asked “Would we be allowed to form a temporary stable, Your Majesty?” I looked back at him with no comment. Good I didn’t have any, none of the riders opted to dismount. Instead, the Commander yelled “Formations!”.

The Sunan Riders formed up in...well I don’t think the word ‘formation’ is right. The Commander had a trident halberd, possibly called a double halberd, with a halberd-head on either side in addition to a point. On the other end of a shaft sat a mace head. He planted the bottom of the spear on the ground and it was able to free-stand.. The Commander looked at me, bowed, and asked “may I greet my old friend, Your Imperial Majesty?” and I realized he wasn’t looking at me but at Song. So I looked at Song, who nodded and smiled. Happy to let Song reunite with his friends, I happily permitted him to. “Go right ahead.” The Commander walked past my platoon of Imperial Guard bodyguards and embraced Song with a large hug. “It’s been too long, Yizhen.” from the Commander. “Feels like the Southern Campaign was yesterday, Ju-Long.” from the General. The Commander retorted“You’ve gotten old. It was yesterday.” The General laughed and counter-quipped “I’ve always been old.” The two spent a half- _ fen  _ in some kind of tight platypus bear hug. While they did, I looked at his riders. Each ostrich horse had a bow scabbard on one side and a quiver on the other. The riders themselves were carrying spears. Spears with nice big points for stabbing. Each rider also carried a  _ dao _ , except even more curved than usual  _ dao.  _ They had long hair, just like Ju-Long, but kept their beards short. And there was a space of no hair between their mustaches and their beards. After longer than I thought, though I did watch them for a while, Ju-Long walked over to me, maintaining his distance, and bowed. 

I looked over at Song. “General, do you care to explain what we were thinking? About...you know, the regional armies?” The General nodded. “Sure thing, Your Majesty. The day a General has to give a speech is the day the Army is useless.” and he patted his stomach. The General turned to an eyebrow-slightly-raised Commander. “His Imperial Majesty thinks the Imperial Army is,  _ get this! _ , awful!” and the Commander roared in laughter. “Five hundred of my riders took on a two thousand force of Imperial Army and Imperial Militia deserters back south.” and without turning his back to me, he asked “How did it go, Riders?” and as expected, the Riders cheered. The General continued. “We, well, His Imperial Majesty had the idea-”  _ the credit’s not all mine, but thank you _ , “-were thinking of incorporating you back into the Imperial Army-” and as he said this, Ju-Long alternated between grimacing at the thought and looking at me and bowing, “-but not as regular soldiers. As a more elite corps of regional soldiers.” “You mean...after all these years, I can actually join the Kingdom again?” and his voice almost broke towards the end of that. I nodded in approval to him. I mean, this man was absolutely insane but then again so am I. “By the Spirits! Eternal blessings on the Badgermole Throne!” and he kowtowed, on the stairs, to me. “Ten Thousand Years!” he yelled in appreciation. His men chanted “Ten Thousand Years” in their slightly foreign accents.

_ Except...it’s never that easy is it _ . “One...let’s call it...bureaucratic problem” I remarked, after he regained his gruff composure to match his large eyebrows. I don’t think, emphasize on think, he was about to assassinate me, but his eyebrows might think otherwise. I resumed my formal voice. “We need to hold a meeting with the Council of Five first.” “Why?” he said, as massively surprised as I was massively annoyed at the systems at play. “You’d become part of something  _ new _ . I’m thinking of reforms. Reforms to increase our coverage while maintaining a centralization of power.” and that was all I could disclose because that was the only...thing...grounded about it. Centralization. Our militia forces are terrible, the Imperial Army is stretched thin and mercenaries... _ who in their right mind hires mercenaries?  _ Hiring mercenaries is like betting on pirates to make for good guards of your ships. Sure, if you pay them enough, a job’s a job, but considering our  _ magistrates  _ can outright defy the Badgermole Throne, what’s stopping anyone, the moment they hit the South Sea, from doing the same thing.  _ South Sea? What about the Earth Islands? Right...I have to think about that too. _

“My men are the Badgermole Throne’s. Now and forever.” He kowtowed.  _ You weren’t always, were you?  _ I knew full well that the following question could get me killed, and I didn’t care. Duty and the truth come before all. “Weren’t you banished by orders of His Excellency, Grand Secretariat Long Feng?” The Imperial Guards tightened their formation as if to prepare for a battle. The Commander looked from side-to-side, then bowed his head. “I was, Your Majesty. Even when we were, we still flew the banners of His Royal Majesty, the Fifty Second.” and he kowtowed.

_ It’s not that easy. There’s this thing called paperwork. And yes, everyone hates paperwork just like everyone hates bureaucracies. But this isn’t the village green with young kids playing around. Just because someone wants to eagerly participate doesn’t mean they instantly can. Especially with the size of your forces. _ The Empire likes reputations. I like proving the men I seemingly pluck from nowhere -or in his case, the border of the desert- are reputable. “Is what they say true about you? That you are ‘The Sand Fisher?’” Now, of course, he could lie. To preface this, I gave Song a look. A ‘if he’s lying…’ without continuing the statement, since Song should know what happens to those who lie in front of the Emperor. “I’ve scaled the Si Wong Rock ten times. I’ve brought five different tribes from Bei Sha to heel and exterminated two.” I looked at Song. Song nodded. The Commander looked up at me again. “I’ve even seen things… most men have never seen.” He held an air of mystery to his voice. I held out my palm. “All of what you’ve claimed is true, what is this ‘mystery?’” Thus far, he hadn’t lied to me. Not because I can tell the truth akin to the Empress, but because I’ve read the Archives and the Archives listed these achievements. I hoped he wouldn’t break that trust. 

“Your Majesty, there lies a building in the center of the Si Wong...a single tall tower. The smoothness of the stone, the ornamentation, the lack of erosion despite the climate...it wasn’t built with human hands.”  _ Interesting _ .  _ A building. _ “Surely, a wonder of the wasteland. Who dwells in it and do they kowtow to the Badgermole Throne?” “The locals claim it’s cursed. They claim locals have entered and  _ if _ , if, they leave, they are to be seen wandering the Si Wong, mad, before their skin crumbles to sand and their organs turn to sandstone.”  _ Skin to sand and organs to sandstone.  _ “Aren’t these just folktales? Why haven’t you entered it?” “Your Majesty, they very well may be folktales, but any scouting parties that have been sent in never returned. There are creatures that lurk in it, red-hued desert foxes, but they are...too fast for our blades and too agile for our bows.” “Then why tell me this?” “It is proof that I have seen things that few men have ever seen. The locals claim the pillar was once a mausoleum, back when the Si Wong was a fertile grassland.”  _ Was?  _ I leaned over to look at him. “Was?” “Yes...then the tales say a man stole a book, a guide to longevity, from the structure and the Spirits themselves brought down ten years of endless sandstorms and plagues, filling the land with sand and killing most of its inhabitants.”  _ Really now. The Si Wong was a fertile grassland, then it became a desert _ .  _ Because of someone stealing a book. Right.  _ “And  _ why  _ should I believe you in regards to a folk tale you could very well have made up on your own?” Song coughed and caught my attention. “Your Majesty, Kyoshi Island was born from a single woman slicing an island off the continent and pushing it backwards. Is the Spirits bringing on something like this so far extreme?”  _ Hmm.  _ “I suppose not.” 

I wasn’t about to admit to such ridiculousness being convincing, yet on the other hand General Song had a point. It’s not like my own ancestry isn’t full of such fantastical events. No, I was the Emperor, and the Emperor is meant to only expect competency.  _ Ha. Ha. Ha. Okay that was a good one. Ha. Corruption what corruption?  _ Anyways. I formally, politely and all those other -lys asked “Commander, may I see a demonstration of your men’s skills?”. I half-expected him to, as many would, get annoyed because ‘I’m already excellent, therefore so are my men’ or whatever arrogant statement half the Imperial Army likes making, but no, he bowed. 

“With pleasure. I request the following: Targets to either side of the path and my men’s ostrich horses. I will showcase the speed and precision of the Sunan Riders!” and he bowed again. I looked at my personal Guard Lieutenant, “Taishi!”. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Go grab as many hay targets as you and your men can and put them out in the middle of the Inner Courtyard.” He bowed and replied “right away, Your Majesty.” The Riders chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” and punched the air.  _ Now, all there is to do is wait _ . 

Multiple carts of armored hay targets on small earth plates were brought out from storage. Each target was one of those people-shaped hay targets. Each target had a helmet and simple chest armor, not even chest plates. Just a leather or cloth combination of a few layers. In fact, I believe this was standard Imperial Army nonbending armor repainted in white. White for death, of course. Some had tower shields that they ‘held’ in their left hand, in reality, tied to their left hand or left arm. They could be rotated with earthbending...or manually...but earthbending is faster and looks nicer. By the Commander’s orders, two big clumps of targets were set up, mirroring one another, in either half of the Inner Courtyard. The clumps formed a circle of shields each, an  _ almost _ lion-turtle formation. In addition, individual hay targets were scattered about the rest of the Courtyard to act as soldiers who were...well idiots, since when your men are forming a anti-rider circle, you should probably form that circle with them. No, no, the hay men were to act as ‘spearmen we have to dodge during our charges’. He also wanted small stone pillars to be raised to ‘reflect’ the reality of terrain on the battlefield. Unless he’s fighting in the Wulong Forest I can’t see the point of earth pillars. But then again I can’t tell distance so maybe he just wants to show off his forces. He mounted his personal ostrich horse, distinguishable due to it’s dark green beak, and shouted “Ten Thousand Years to the Badgermole Throne!” while punching up towards me with his triple-pointed trident halberd. He then took to the head of his formed riding column.

“Riders! Cranefish formation!” and the four riders standing, er, riding, side-by-side behind him broke off into two each. The right two, from my perspective standing halfway up the Thousand Steps, let’s call them the West Two, rode to their left. The left two, let’s call them the East Two, rode to their right. The lines of ostrich horses behind them would follow whoever was in front, West to West, East to East, until two massive, half-of-the-Courtyard spanning, circles formed. The West Two kept turning left and the East Two kept turning right. In this way, neither side hit the other. Both pairs of leaders continued like this until they reached their ‘starting’ position, facing the Thousand Steps and also not far behind the rear of the circle. Once fully formed they stopped and waited for further orders. And Ju-Long? He remained where he was, mounted, looking up at me. He stabbed the sky with his halberd. “Riders! Flying Cranefish formation! I want an arrow in each hay man’s head!” and every head of chest-length black hair,  _ no helmets needed apparently _ , looked up at Song and I. Mostly I. The Imperial Guard pressed themselves up against me to form a human wall. Half because the riders were seemingly taking up all available space. And half because, in Taishi’s words, “Just on the off chance they bombard the wrong yellow-hued forces, Your Majesty.”  _ Right, like the platoon and a half of you all are going to stop the flood of arrows those men possess.  _

His two circles, let’s call them the West and East circles, took to gallops. Despite what I had just said about the two circles, they were yet reformed once again. The East Two spun their entire circle around and continued turning to the left, just like the West Circle. Even despite the irregular random placement of pillars, the ostrich horses remained in a kind of fixed pattern of motion. Each rider followed the one in front of him and each rider -in both circles- always had one directly behind him off slightly to his left. Each rider placed their spear into a scabbard mounted along the saddle’s right that kept the spear upright while granting them two free hands. With these free hands, they grabbed their bow, kept in a scabbard on the left, and five arrows, kept in a quiver on the right just adjacent to the spear scabbard. With motions as fluid as a hawk-falcon flapping its wings mid-flight, each rider drew back his bow while retaining the other four arrows in his bow hand. Each rider turned his body to the left while his bow was drawn, keeping the ostrich horse in motion with his feet. And each rider released their arrow.

Poetically, I’d write that a thousand  _ twings  _ sounded at the same time. In reality, most riders released their arrows within the same two or three  _ miao _ . Which is nearly instantaneous. That’s less time than it’d take to read this sentence. Not nearly enough time to know what’s happening. And within two  _ miao _ , about a thousand arrows plunged themselves into the lion turtle formations. Not every arrow hit, many let out  _ pings _ as they’d hit the shields and some hit the stone paving stones. But enough worked their way through the shield wall -the gaps- that the heads of the hay targets were impaled with multiple arrows each. At the time, the Imperial Guards -excellently trained, master earthbenders, each a veteran of many battles- collectively gasped in awe. Murmurs of “Spirits above!” and “we’d be sitting turtle ducks”. And personally, I was just as taken aback as them. But I refused to show my displeasure or rather,  _ shock _ , even if nobody was looking. I was the Earth Emperor, possibly the Imperial Commander of all Imperial forces, a veteran of five sieges and countless skirmishes and field battles. A bunch of steppe folk on ostrich horses isn’t supposed to scare me. It isn’t supposed to. That’s what journals like this are for. To let it be known that seeing a volley of shafts being able to cut down tens of men, averagely-armored men...it’s the stuff no commander ever wants to know. It makes shields seem useless and, even if, even  _ if _ it’s not as deadly as showcased, that’s going to send all but the best trained enemies into a full panicked rout.

After the first big volley, each rider took to releasing arrows at his own rate. For some, the nock, draw, aim and release process took two  _ miao _ , some three, some four. It  _ really  _ didn’t matter. Anybody who’s ever been on the receiving end of a volley knows it doesn’t matter whether it takes one  _ miao  _ or ten. An arrow is an arrow. And these mounted archers were launching them into all the hay targets. I watched one rider, his hair flowing elegantly in the self-made wind, as he nocked and drew an arrow with one motion of the hands, stirring his mount towards the left, then turned almost completely around, facing  _ behind  _ him, and loosing an arrow into a hay target towards the edge of the cranefish circle. Had his arrow missed, it would’ve struck one of his allies. But it didn’t miss. This hay soldier took an arrow to the side, beneath his outstretched hay arm. All of this in about five  _ miao _ . 

I can’t imagine the absolute primal terror that must run through a real soldier’s mind as, instead of being stampeded, he is surrounded in this wide formation of constantly-in-motion ostrich horses that form a physical wall, preventing any escape, while also cutting down troops left and right. Imagine being part of a column of men and suddenly one of  _ these  _ cuts the column off. The men would barely have time to form a spear-wall circle. And it wouldn’t even matter, they can cut them down at range. What’s a nonbender infantryman to do? Dive for the ground? Charge? Even the shields don’t matter. Ten arrows might aim for each shield. One or two might hit the ground at their feet, which, by the way, there’s always the chance for a foot strike and while the histories -including the records of yours truly- disregard the variability of casualties in battle, an arrow to the foot is incapacitating. It may not tally up to a death, but it’ll knock anyone off their feet. A downed man is a dead man. While those two arrows might hit the feet, three, four, or five, might hit the shield itself and bounce off. But all it takes is one arrow. And each of these archers carried...I don’t know but the Imperial Army has forty bolts to each quiver on average. And archer quivers tend to be in the thirty to sixty arrow range. So at worst that’s thirty arrows per mounted archer. And there’s easily a thousand of these ostrich horses running around. Missing mathematics class as a child -what passed for it, we  _ were  _ a backwards village- means I can’t do the basic math of what thirty arrows and a thousand men would be, but it doesn’t matter. A thousand men is a thousand men. A thousand arrows is going to bring havoc. The only thing that could counter this is strategic earthbending. Except most earthbenders aren’t the Imperial Guards. Or the Dai Li. Or even the personal retinues of the Generals. They’re usually trained for the basics. Levitating stones and tossing them at their enemies. This works against static opponents or large formations, not against fluid forces. I and everyone else got to watch an example of how fluid these formations could get. Ju-Long rode to the West Circle and raised his trident halberd, clear amidst the sea of black and brown hair, as a kind of standard to rally his men. 

The riders stopped releasing arrows and while on the ride, many stuck their bows into their scabbards and pulled their spears out. Others kept their bows in hand. They followed Ju-Long as he led them ‘inwards’ towards the hay army. The entire circle became one long line viper-snaking its way between hay soldiers filled with arrows and thin pillars of earth. With  _ one  _ hand, he swiped the trident blade and schismed a hay soldier’s head from his hay body. Sure, he wasn’t moving, but is it really that hard to imagine he’d be just as successful with a moving target? As he reached the shield wall, he slowed his ostrich horse down to a near stop. It’s as if he predicted a line of spears to be, let’s say, mimicking a boar-q-pine formation. I believe that’s the actual name for the formation. He jutted his polearm out, holding it near the bottom of the shaft, and  _ pulled  _ one of the shields off with the halberd head. He stirred his mount and rode on. After he passed, a few riders trailing him released arrows into the gap in the formation. “That’s genius!” I shouted far too loudly for my own good. “That’s not genius, that’s  _ terrifying _ ” remarked one of the Imperial Guards. A man who’s definitely lived through both Ba Sing Se sieges. I don’t know his name but he’s one of those dozen or so who’s voices I remember having survived the sally.  _ Cao? I think it’s Cao. I’m too concerned with getting it wrong to ask though, so I won’t _ . Ju-Long went on to repeat this technique and grant his riders the ability to fill anyone poor enough to lose a shield with ten new friends.  _ Friends?  _ I meant arrows. 

Ju-Long raised his halberd and twirled it about in some kind of mini-circle. I may not know the name of that command, but the riders behind him did. And the riders from the other mega-circle noticed. They split up into individuals, peeling off the main column forming a tree of death as each branch would impale passing hay fighters. The other circle led itself over to his column to join into one big column of ostrich horse riding, flowing haired, wild, wildmen. In what can only be described as a choreographed performance that would make a Fire Nation circus flustered, each rider avoided crashing into other riders. Each one-wide mini-column formed its own circle. Each rider took a swipe at a passing soldier. Ju-Long himself  _ tore  _ shields from the shieldwall while his followers approached the defenseless pieces of literal fodder with a fiery passion. In but a few  _ fen _ , these riders  _ obliterated  _ the hay soldiers. Striking them down is an understatement. No. Heads were cleaved and impaled. Arms were cut off. Chests were filled with arrows. Bows, spears and  _ daos  _ made quick work of tens of hay men at once. Armored hay men wearing the kind of average padded armor I’d expect the Imperial Army -not  _ daofei _ \- to wear. Anyone who sees this and second guesses the Sunan Riders and their efficiency,  _ an enemy army _ , in but a few  _ fen _ ...they’d have to be inebriated or not alive. No man can beat this. The Imperial Firebenders have eye-slits wide enough for arrows to go through. The Dai Li aren’t armored enough. The Imperial Metalbending Guards have exposed faces and hands and usually feet. Most world leaders would be subsumed in the arrows. Toph...could. She’s the only one who has a chance against this. 

Toph could with a volley of finger-stabbing earth spikes and toe-kicking rifts. Assuming she was able to catch them before they could take her down with arrows. She’d have to raise a fully protective earth wall, mere earth armor wouldn’t do it since  _ some  _ of the arrows would find their way into her nose-hole. Even then, the earth wall might not do it. They’d aim their arrows high. She’d have to tunnel underground and fight them from beneath. It could work, it probably  _ would  _ work, but that’s assuming, again, she’s not taking off-guard.

Back in reality, Ju-Long did something twirl-related with his halberd and the entire formation slowed down before coming to a halt. He then pointed the polearm at me with the same precision as his men’s archery and shouted “For the Badgermole Throne!” His men then chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” as a mark of...honor? No, these men don’t strike me as the honorable types. Respect? I’d think most officers who are honest with themselves would respect them after this. I certainly did.  _ Sure, it could be _ . Fear? On a spiritual, religious, level, possibly. This massive gilded Palace is the center of everything that was and would be and is the beating heart of the Empire. No, no, I think they did it out of loyalty. A kind of fervent, natural, loyalty that a boy growing up in lands as near as Nanchang or as far as Kyoshi Island knows from as soon as he comprehends speech. As soon as he can walk, he knows to whom to kowtow to and whom to respect. Not all choose to respect the Badgermole Throne, not all would be in the wrong for being against a corrupt dynasty, but it’s tradition. Officially. It is by that same kind of natural loyalty that I was raised, except to Kyoshi first It is by that same kind of natural loyalty that I carry myself now. As such, I think I would fit in well with these men. And I think these men, for they are genuine, would fit in well in a  _ new  _ army. One that is as creative as their techniques are decisively victorious.

While his riders spread out to take up most of the Inner Courtyard’s grounds, he walked to the left side -my perspective- of the main aisle, empty of its usual Imperial Guards for sensible reasons, before stopping at the foot of the Thousand Steps and placing his halberd on the ground. It’s mace head kept it freestanding next to him while he brought his hands up in a fist-and-palm style bow. Song called out a reference of their past ventures. “I see you still use your Riders’ bow!” Ju-Long refused to laugh or express any emotion. He just...held his hands there. Bowing while mounted. Of course, his act of piety, his act that all loyal citizens of the Empire should look upon and respect was interrupted by...who else, the Avatar.  _ Oh, you were guessing the Empress? No, not yet _ . 

The Avatar who had jumped out of his house and was now on his house’s roof. The Avatar who was now sitting on the pitched roof of his personally made and customized Guest House while the two flying mythical beasts remained absent. I suppose they went on a field trip or something.  _ I hear it’s a favorite of the Avatar and his contemporary Fire Lord _ . The Avatar who was waving to me and from here looked like an egg. An egg wearing orange robes and smiling. An egg whose attention-grabbing grabbed my good eye, which caused the Commander of the _ -and now I know why they are legendary- _ Sunan Riders to turn around and look over at the waving egg. The Commander opted to snap his ostrich horse’s reins, charge through his own lines, and ride to the doorstep of the Avatar’s personal residence. Song offered some encouraging and hint-of-panicking words. “Your Majesty, you might want to get down there before things get...heated” I followed his advice and began descending the steps. At the same time, I asked “Why?” “Because Ju-Long’s got some...impolite… thoughts on the current Avatar incarnate.” and the  _ way  _ he said that made my steps just that much lighter and quicker. The Imperial Guard parted as their well-discliplined training would teach them and I made it to the bottom of the stairs. I shouted “Dai Li!” and the nearest pair knew what was next.

Thanks to a pair of Dai Li and their earth-skating, I reached the Avatar’s Guest House not much longer after the Commander did, for he had to weave through lines of troops and the Dai Li can simply pillar themselves over the Sunan Riders. And the Avatar, in all his wisdom, must’ve seen the gruff looking, clothing-dusted, shoulder-length black hair and concluded to go back inside and retrieve tea. I found the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors resting on the exterior doorpost of the -closed- door of the Avatar’s Guest House. She raised her non-resting hand and politely, sarcastically, asked “Would Your Majesty like some tea? Aang’s getting some.”  _ What, are Zuko, Mai, Katara and Sokka busy with more important matters that they can’t come out and stand at attention?  _ “Where’s everyone else?” I asked, skipping her -I didn’t realize it was sarcasm- question. The Captain rolled her eyes. “Playing Pai Sho while watching Sokka paint.”  _ Really? That’s more important than ‘an army of desert-hardened men, some of the few in the world who’ve ever survived the Si Wong, arrived here and maybe have some interesting stories to tell?’ _ She offered “It’s a good excuse, he  _ is  _ a good painter.” and I sensed that she wasn’t being sarcastic. “He’s getting better?” “I guess.”  _ Am I bothered to go see his drawing? Not really _ . 

I tried being nice. “I suppose I can’t fault them, Captain, they are teenagers.” Suki pointed at me, then her, then the Imperial Palace. “Just like how you, me and Her Imperial Majesty are teenagers.”  _ Good point. Nice time over _ . “Doesn’t Zuko have a country to not run into the ground?” She sighed. “You mean un-run into the ground. What with the whole Hundred Year War blowing up in his side’s face.” “I mean, doesn’t he have obligations like you and I and Her Imperial Majesty?”  _ Yes, Toph sits around picking her toes and listening to Pu-On Tim fantasies of oogies, but she’s also training people to metalbending and sometimes does...other things. Yes. Other things. Okay, the point stands. She does do things...at her own pace. And she dictates the pace _ . The Commander of the Sunan Riders had to watch the Emperor’s personal Captain look up at the ceiling, then back down and at him, then over to me. “I think the Fire Lady handles those obligations.” “You think?” “I do think. Eitherway, they’re preoccupied.” Suki sounded as bored and disappointed as I was. Before my criticisms could end, the door opened, and the Avatar walked past Suki bearing a small tray of tea. “Your Earthliness!” he said, earthbending a small pillar to put the tray on followed by bringing his hands up to bow. 

I’ve never met Ju-Long before. I didn’t expect him to raise his trident blade and point it at the Avatar with a certain, let’s call it, violent, intent to his voice. “That ain’t His Imperial Majesty’s title,  _ Air Avatar _ .” The Avatar, as usual, did his bow-and-apology. “I’m sorry about the mistake. And since you seem quite the...poke-y type. What’s your name?” he asked with that kind of childish curiosity that could get someone killed. “The name I gained at my coming of age ceremony was Ju-Long. I lacked a family name, but you may call me ‘Commander.’” The Avatar seemed elated. “That’s a pretty interesting name, Ju-Long. I’m Aang!” and while he meant well what with his waving, the Commander did not take kindly to this. He grunted and pointed his blade up at the Avatar. Before he could impale the young egg, I shouted “Commander, stay your hand!” and the Commander immediately withdrew his halberd and placed it freestanding on the ground. He sounded like he mumbled a vulgarity against the Avatar, something like “Spineless airbenders should get off their high places and die like normal men” and thankfully the Avatar didn’t hear it. 

“Your Imperial Majesty, may I speak my opinions of the Air Avatar?” he asked, both polite and sounding quite angry but also keeping the anger off with an ingrained respect for the Badgermole Throne. “Of course, Commander.”  _ I’m going to look forward to this, aren’t I?  _ “Air Avatar, what was preoccupying you when His Imperial Majesty held a grand demonstration of Her Imperial Majesty’s-” the army that was at his back and mine shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” “-loyal Sunan Riders,  _ you  _ were busy?” _ Wow, this man really could get along with me. Good to hear. Maybe he likes killing traitors, daofei and ashmakers, too _ . “Commander, I was drinking tea. Had I known, I would’ve gladly shown up” the Avatar claimed. In his defense, he sounded genuine. Also in his defense, he’s not smart enough to do anything but say whatever he thinks. Ju-Long was less...sweet voiced. His thick eyebrows almost spoke for him, he infuriatingly asked “Tea? You did not hear my Riders because of  _ tea _ ?” The Avatar nodded. 

“Where  _ were  _ you?” the Commander continued his tirade. “Where was I? I was inside.” The Commander corrected himself, avoiding the error of being vague, and asked “Where were you for the past hundred years?” bearing a tone that seemed to release a hundred years of anger. Or a hundred years of his inherited anger, perhaps. “I was in an iceberg, Commander.” the Avatar humbly replied. Humbly. Even his face, somewhat solemnly, reflected this. The inherited anger continued. “You retreated from the Fire Nation? Or did they hunt you and you fell into an iceberg?” The Avatar did not respond to this comment, instead tugging on the part of his robe that went over his left shoulder. Tugging it back into place. “How many men have you killed, Avatar?” and I got the hunch by the bitterness in his comment that he knew the Avatar’s answer long before Aang could happily say “none. And I don’t intend to.” The Commander laughed in a similar thick laugh that the Northerner Wuhan has. Similar, not the same. Then, while laughing, he said “That old Air Nomad rule.” followed by a shout, “Riders!” and the Riders whooping to attention. He stared at the Avatar while yell-asking “What  _ happened  _ to the Air Nomads?” The riders chanted “They died!,” which caused the Avatar to become dismayed. “And what happened to the hundred generations of the Sunan Riders?” The Sunan Riders whooped and cheered, I looked back and saw them stab the air with their spears. The Commander kept heartily deeply laughing. “So, Avatar. A bunch of us puny ‘nonbenders’ lasted a hundred years while your personal army of airbenders died in, what, a few days? A single season?” The Avatar, credit to him, held his ground. “The Air Nomads didn’t have an army. They were...genocided.” “Just like the Sandbenders of Sunan!” one of the Riders near us yelled. The others joined in for some cheers. “You...genocided an entire people?” the Avatar could only ask with...I guess it’s confusion? Numbness? Shock?“Why not? They dared leave their sandpit in  _ our  _ old Caiheccun and cross into the Sunan Steppe, we killed the Aknins to the last.” Again, the Avatar seemed to...not get it while also bearing the weight of getting it. He was shocked and he was more shocked at  _ who  _ he was talking to. “How could you possibly...you’re like Sozin!” he really,  _ really _ , stupidly said. “Sozin? Ha!” and the Commander laughed. “Three thousand Aknin led by Yalil or Jalil or whatever his name was. I don’t remember. The Sand Piercer does.” and he grabbed his trident halberd.  _ I guess his weapon’s name is the Sand Piercer. Good choice. _ I’m kind of surprised the lover of all life Avatar didn’t initiate his Avatar State and kill all of us right then and there. Oh wait, I know why, because he was having an Avatar-based existential crisis. And those kinds of crises tend to lead to lots of accidental kills. I politely,  _ nicely _ , told my fellow “Commander...I’d thoroughly recommend holding back your criticisms.” He turned to me and raised his hands in his bow. “As Your Imperial Majesty will wish, it will be my command. May I ask why Your Imperial Majesty’s face is suddenly pale?”  _ sure, you may _ . I gave him the ‘let’s walk over there’ look while the Avatar sat down and took some deep breaths. So he got off his mount, one of my Imperial Guard held it there for him, while he and I walked over to the main pathway, the one that two lines of Imperial Guards protect at almost all times. At the same time, the Avatar sat there, Bane of Dynasties, Slayer of Monarchs, Destroyer of Nations...sat down cross-legged and looked...depressed.

I nicely, seriously, asked “Have you ever seen the Avatar State?” “I’ve heard legends of our personally venerated Avatar, the wise and powerful Kyoshi, using it. But she was wise, and powerful. This boy is a fool.” and he laughed at the young orange-robed man.  _ Another Kyoshi supporter. That’s great.  _ “I wasn’t in the Northern Water Tribe, but that boy, fool or no fool, killed a fleet of tens of thousands while possessing some kind of fish spirit thing. And if I were you, I wouldn’t aggravate him.” “Nonsense, you have the Imperial Guard! The great protectors of Ba Sing Se! And you have the silent Dai Li! The loyal men that would gladly die in the name of the Badgermole Throne!” he exclaimed this with all the passion, fervor and drive that a good loyal citizen would have. “And all those men and all that training will get swept up in a hurricane the size of the Upper Ring, or so the folk tales go. And the Avatar knows how to initiate his Avatar State, so the Spirits above and below help us should  _ your  _ comments, wise or unwise, trigger such untapped power. This is  _ not  _ the Avatar State of Kyoshi, who cared for our people more than Earth King Jian did.” and yes, I might’ve been dramatic to Ju-Long. Because I for one don’t want death by Avatar State. He can showcase the epitome of ‘Everyone I don’t like is Sozin’ all he wants. But if that turns into an unintentional Avatar State… well… the Avatar State is not simply a cheat to go faster, it’s a  _ weapon _ . Ju-Long countered, as formally as his gruff voice allowed, “But...Your Imperial Majesty...he outright defies the Badgermole Throne. His mere presence and his holiness defy the Imperially Mandated power bestowed upon Her Imperial Majesty by the Spirits themselves.”  _ Right, the Spirits gave it to her. Right. Remember, the Sunan Riders and most of the Empire worship Toph like she’s a goddess. Maybe she is.  _ Even despite his quiet voice and emotive eyebrows, the riders who were all watching us chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” in honor of the mere mention of the Empress’ title. “What would  _ you  _ have me do? Tell the Avatar and his best friend, the Fire Lord, to just go home?” “Yes!” and he banged the rear of his weapon into the tiled flooring with a small thud. It somehow didn’t crack the paving stone. “And you think, for a  _ moment _ , I consider either the Avatar or his friends as my own?” I asked him, getting  _ quite  _ annoyed at his well-intentioned but idiotic statements. “No, Your Imperial Majesty. I would never dare” and he kowtowed. In a commanding -and possibly intimidating- tone, I explained “They are not our enemies. Save Prince Sokka, they are likewise not our allies. They exist as neutral entities. And in the name of Her Imperial Majesty, I  _ do not  _ want Her Imperial Majesty’s Palace to get obliterated because the Avatar’s wearing orange robes and not green ones.” Since the Commander kowtowed and fearfully responded “Your Imperial Majesty’s wish is my command! Forgive a humble servant of the Badgermole Throne!” and because, one, he  _ is  _ loyal, and two, he had the right intentions or rather was well-meaning, I let him rise and keep his position. “Now, let’s go to the Council Tower. We have a role for you to play in this upcoming...well who cares what the specifics are?” I hit him on the back. Half-jokingly, I yelled “You get to kill traitors! Blood! Death!” and he laughed while thanking me and thanking me and all those niceties. “Thank you, Your Imperial Majesty!” and all that. 

_ It’s good to be the technically powerless but theoretically limitless position that is the Emperor. The Ministers treat me like I don’t exist but this random bumpkin with his unbathed hair and his private army of savage fighters kowtow to me and treat me like Toph’s personal representative. You know, the role that I’m actually supposed to bear, being Imperial Eye Guy or whatever that title was.  _

“Riders! With His Imperial Majesty!” Ju-Long shouted while pointing at me with his trident halberd. I trotted along at the head of the Sunan Riders column on my blue armored ostrich horse, with only a few Imperial Guards as bannermen to accompany me. It felt really weird turning around and seeing seemingly endless rows of long haired men slowly trotting away from the Imperial Palace as it glistened in the background. At least Ju-Long’s a good rider. I snapped my reins and sped over to the Council Tower and he easily maintained my fast pace. And his men maintained his. I was quite confused when I spotted Song and two of his guards standing beneath the Council Tower’s steps. I brought my mount to a halt and asked “How did you get here so fast?” “This old man’s not so slow” and he lightly pulled on with his long grey-white beard. “You left earlier?” “I did, I  _ did  _ want some tea but not that sorry excuse of tea the Avatar drinks. I wanted the  _ good  _ stuff. Also, I wanted to prepare the room and summon all the Generals for the eventual ‘wait what are we doing’ preemptive meeting to the ‘what’s going on’ meeting that we’re about to engage in. Soon.” Song, Aged General and master of being down-to-earth. I suppose that’s what fighting the entire Royal Family of the Fire Nation gets you. He blew the Serpent’s Pass to stop Azulon forty years ago, there’s the whole First Siege of Ba Sing Se and that whole ‘Where’s Lu Ten oh wait that’s one way to get a-head’, he probably fought Ozai at one point or another - _ did Ozai even fight? _ \- and he chased Azula’s Fourth Army remnants south.  _ Well done General Song, if only you were forty years older you might’ve been a soldier in training and fought Sozin somewhere that’s now just ruins. _

The Upper Ring has Imperial Army stables. And those Imperial Army stables, not far from the Council Tower, would have to service another, wait,  _ ten _ thousand?, ostrich horses. Not as big a task as it sounds, we are a city of many tens of millions. That being said, “Where were the other nine thousand men?” I asked Ju-Long while he dismounted. “Trotting through the Lower or Middle Ring” he claimed. “I only came with my vanguard” he also claimed.  _ Right, only his vanguard.  _ There’s actually another...many...of these crazy unkempt men and their long hair and bows. Which is great. Really. More arrows the better. He got off and his four bodyguards, no I don’t care for their names, yes, they’re all probably awesome in their own regard, joined him as my Imperial Guard followed me as I followed Song inside. 

Get this, we reached a table where all five seats were occupied. General How looked exhausted and had a chest-ful of medals, General Fong looked like an ornery cactus in a pile of petunias with a few more prestigious golden medals than the rest, General Zhi looked inebriated and wasn’t even wearing the right outfit, General Song was drinking tea and wearing his General’s attire properly. And General Jun... _what is that smell? Soaps? Perfume?_. In addition, he was wearing his white-and-green General’s attire and proudly pinned up the dozen medals on his chest. The five Generals bowed and shouted “Ten Thousand Years!”. Almost immediately after, maps were pulled out of places that maps come from and places on a table where maps belong. Ju-Long must have a similar sense of smell to me because “you. Tall man. Why do you smell like a woman?” I guess the respect for the monarchy ends when not dealing with the monarchy. Or Song. Which makes sense. “I was planning to go out for dinner with my wife after this, Commander” Jun replied, smiling at the thought of such a task. Now, maybe _other_ Generals would make fun of him for actually smelling nice and formal, but instead the rest of us started applauding him. “Go Jun!” we collectively shouted and How stepped over to pat him on the back. The Sunan Rider Commander added his own comment. “Give your wife a good time!” “Is that a euphemism?” I asked him, unsure if it was meant to be one or not. He immediately became all formal and “no, Your Imperial Majesty. I wish General Yun to have a wonderful night with his wife.” _It’s Jun. That’s okay, Ju-Long. At least you refer to me nice and formally._

Soldiers came out bearing tea that smelled like tea - _ no wait that’s whiskey _ \- and each of us received a teacup to go with the tea. I took the first toast, as always, “To the health and wellbeing of Her Imperial Majesty! To Her Imperial Majesty!” “Hear hear!” the Five shouted while Ju-Long shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” and held his teacup closer to him than it actually was supposed to be. I gave the second part of the first toast. “To the Empire!” “Ten Thousand Years!” the Five responded. And Ju-Long repeated his chant. Nobody minded. “May I call a toast, Your Majesty?” General Fong asked. “Sure thing” I gave him the space to do so. “And finally, to our brother and fellow General, Jun! May we all live to see the day when we come home to our wives and take  _ them  _ out on wonderful dinners!” The other Generals nodded along with that. I offered the call of “Ten Thousand Years!” and everyone else repeated “Ten Thousand Years!’ And we drank our teacups. After putting the cups down on small plates, it was time for all the scrolls.

First was, “news straight from the Eastern Air Temple’s island chain” stated a calmer Jun -well he’s always calm but this one was less excited than a few  _ fen  _ earlier- while unveiling a scroll. “Lord Xin of the Province of Hanshu claims that a small fleet of ships flying Imperial Navy colors shipwrecked on Shiguai Island. These ships claimed to be part of the Eastern Air Temple’s patrol fleets but were chased away by biplanes.” and immediately pieces were moved over to the respective lands. Now, I don’t know what constitutes a province in Dongfang compared to the rest of the continent that we actually control, but for the sake of simplicity, I’ll assume that a ‘province’ is three or four commanderies just as elsewhere in the Earth Empire.  _ Note: Commandery: one piece of land with one or two towns, many villages, and at least one temple. Province: Multiple commanderies with a capital. Region: Titular combination of multiple provinces, unknown as to the existence of such ‘Regions’ and whether or not they would be called, let’s say, the ‘Region of Gaoling’. Since Toph kind of sort of definitely killed most of the Governors, there goes our top level administrative regions -thus where the term Region comes from- and thus begins the organized chaos I like to formally address as our beautiful continent. Back to this... _

While the other Generals awaited my response, since I expect everyone wants to hear my thoughts first, I thought about a few...let’s call it...issues with this dilemma.  _ Biplanes? How did a bunch of islanders obtain them? Where do they store them? Find fuel for them? How did a patrol fleet from the Eastern Air Temple, which is southeast of Huizhou, sail north and miss the Feicui Sea and somehow wash ashore Shiguai Island. And of course, who’s behind this and why. _ “Do we have any details about the perpetrators?” I asked Jun like this was some police matter as opposed to, well, requiring a massive military investment. Jun replied “The crews claim the islands are in a state of civil war. A faction of white-flag flying men claiming to be independentists chasing out ‘loyal’ Earth Empire settlers.”  _ Settlers? Loyal? Where’s the postal service and who’s getting their head removed for this?  _ “And this had to reach the Council of Five and not get handled by, I don’t know, the Dongfangers?” I countered, looking at Jun, but the comment was directed at everyone.  _ Do we really have to handle every last rebellious island? Don’t we have a continent-spanning army two million men strong or something?  _ “The Dongfangers, specifically Lord Feng and Lord Xin, claim that they are willing to fight a defensive war. Lord Feng claims that this is ‘Southern Army’ matters and sent it to us.”  _ Lord Feng rules the southern tip of the peninsula, Xin to his northeast and rules the eastern coast. _ “Isn’t Lord Feng the ruler of like ten commanderies?” I asked Jun, since he would know these things. “Four, and they’re all big.”  _ That’s not vague. _ Frustrated but not showing it, I asked for more information. “And what, there’s been this news playing a game of toss the boulder? How long was this news?” “Since not long after Your Majesty returned from Nan Day” Jun claimed.  _ So this is connected? Rinchen and Yasanobu and Kazuhiro...  _ “Where’s that Nan Dayer ‘Lord?’” I looked around expecting the Head of the Dai Li to fall from the ceiling and give me his whereabouts. Didn’t happen.  _ Also, wasn’t he a corpse in Lake Laogai?  _ I put my fist down on the North Pole. “Generals!” and drew all eyes back to me.

“This is exactly the kind of  _ nonsense  _ that is why I brought  _ this  _ guy!” and I tried shoving a man twice my weight and twice my strength forward. And considering the sack of grain that is Toph barely budges, I was fighting an actual rock wall here. “What in the name of Her Imperial Majesty are you doing?” he asked, wondering where my sudden bout of eccentricism came from.  _ You’ve not spent enough time around me. I’m one part this, one part One-Eyed duelist, one part Imperial Pillow, all parts mad.  _ I was, indeed, making a fool of myself. Everyone else got to watch. When I realized I had given up,  _ thank you Song for reminding me six and a half times with “Your Majesty, it’s not working”, “Your Majesty, it’s not working”, “Your Majesty, it’s still not working”, “Your Majesty, it’s still not working”, “Your Majesty, it’s not going to work”, “Your Majesty, it’s not going to work”, “Your Majesty…”  _ , I took to explaining instead. Words are easier than shoving a rock wall of a person. “If we had regional armies, this would be someone else’s problem!” and I awaited the five different inquiries of what whiskey I was drinking and how would it better the Empire. Instead, I received quizzical expressions. 

“Regional armies, Your Majesty? Isn’t this a naval matter?” asked How. “How would a bunch of desert trackers benefit a mountain range?” from Fong, and creepy silence from the other two, Song notwithstanding because he knew about the plan beforehand. _No, no, you’re all missing the point just like I’m missing a semblance of reality_. “Let’s say we _created_ an army, or in this case, a navy, that’s entire job was to patrol the Eastern Air Temple islands.” General Jun nicely reminded me “We already have that fleet, Your Majesty. It’s the Imperial Navy of the East.” _Thank you Jun._ I clarified, putting my hands in my sleeves. “I mean a specialized force. Maybe a force capable of doing beach landings and mountain ascents.” and I should’ve thought twice about that statement because it sounds as delusional as I can be without my whiskey. How rightfully corrected me with “Armies can’t...do that.” “Well how did _Sozin_ pull it off?” I tried my hand at asking. “He had a big navy” Song added, sounding like he was actually there. “Then where’s our big navy?” I wondered. “We have one” Jun, again, reminded me. “Of actual cruisers that don’t catch fire” I corrected my question. “Being built at the Datan Drydocks, Your Majesty. We’re getting twenty to thirty new cruisers a season and that’s not counting the Colonial docks.” _That’s...not nothing_. _That’s...a lot_. “Aircraft carriers?” I looked at How since this is his thing. “After the success of the _Kyoshijima_ I have approved creation of, quote, as many of them as we can possibly budget.” “How many is that?” How put his hands on the table and calmly explained “Well considering Your Majesties aren’t buying a new Palace every five _miao_ , I’m going with...ten? Twenty? And some of them won’t catch fire. I promise. And some will be of newer, better, designs.” _Right, we’re swimming in gold. I need to remind myself of that. Long Feng being so...Long Feng-ey had its perks_. _Taxes without wasting money on Palaces while focusing on raising the economy. Economy gives us gold. Long Feng gave us lots of gold._ “Do I need to Imperially Mandate their names? Or are we going to name them after trees and wildlife?” _Because I’m named after a forest and I’m intimidating enough._ “No, no, each one will be named after a titular region.” _The Imperial Army. We’re too busy naming things after things to, you know, modernize_. _As. Per. Usual._

I asked “Back to solving this independentist crisis, any of you got an expository overview I can just sit back and listen to and comprehend half of?” while looking around and thankfully, Song the walking Earth Empire Encyclopedia piped his elderly voice up. “Knowing Kingdom history-”  _ note, most people don’t _ , “-this is a result of Kingdom, or in this case, Empire, settlers being sent to colonize foreign lands and deciding enough was enough ‘let’s leave.’”  _ Wait, what?  _ “We’ve colonized other lands?” I asked, sure that that was a Fire Nation thing, not a ‘us’ thing. “My error, Your Majesty. Replace colonize with owning distant lands. It’s why the Southlands are always on fire.”  _ That’s reassuring. Thank you Song. I feel reassured. Thanks Song. You always know how to reassure me _ . I waved my hand for him to continue. So he did. “It’s likely these Air Temple secessionists are tied into the Nan Day ones. Together, they probably want to form some kind of, I don’t know, island nation?” “Why? What’s their motive?” I asked a question that didn’t need asking. “No offense, Your Majesty, but have you  _ seen  _ the Imperial Navy?” In honor of my favorite person, I waved my hand in front of my missing eye. He winced. But the Dai Li didn’t show up to execute him. I said it as it is. “Yes, I’ve seen it. I’ve served on it. It’s depressingly sad.” General Fong had this look like he wanted to say something, so I pointed to him and gave him an audience. “I request that we focus our attention on the mainland. Huizhou is still plagued by  _ daofei _ . If our attention is anywhere, wouldn’t it make more sense to, once and for all, get rid of these  _ daofei  _ problems and install proper monorails and military bases?” Now, as much as I’m interested in the Boat Adventures of a bunch of failures, Huizhou is...something ele. sI hate that place. I hate it with a burning passion. Toph got burned there, which immediately means I’d really really feel happy if every last one of those  _ daofei  _ and their associates were put to the blade for burning poor Toph’s feet. Oh, and also it’s rife with  _ daofei  _ and needs to be cleaned. And there’s something else, it’s much easier to fight on land. Naval invasions are tricky enough. The Eastern Air Temple is like the fourth-to-last frontier, behind the Earth Islands, the Si Wong, and the Xishan Tribes. Then an idea re-hit me like a Kuai ball to an eye as a byproduct of a lack of hand-eye coordination.

I took the metaphorical stage, in other words I stood up, and gave my thoughts. “As most of you hopefully know, I’d like to try bringing on the concept of a regional army. It’s above the standard Imperial Army in terms of training and unlike the Imperial Army isn’t as...centralized...on garrisons. These regional armies would be decentralized, one to a region, and restricted to that region.” Zhi, Jun and Fong, all being clever clever men, looked at me funny. Song was nodding along, I knew he was on board.  _ General How could decide this. _ “Your Majesty, why not just increase the training of the Imperial Army? Or create mobile patrols?” I countered, having prepared for this very question. “That would be too much for an individual low-ranked officer to manage. A patrol force is  _ not  _ the same as a garrison and a region wide patrol force might be too small in size for the Governor to oversee but far too large for a Magistrate to oversee.” I saw Song’s smile.  _ Yes, my preparations actually make sense.  _ “Can Your Majesty demonstrate any success of such regional armies?” and I jumped up and down pointing at Ju-Long. “Him! He fought the sandbenders!” but the Generals didn’t seem to budge. Jun pointed at him. “So? He was a mercenary.”  _ You all...are rock-headed. The Fire Nation wasn’t obsessed with garrisons.  _ “What if…”  _ no, tree-man, you’re too dumb for this,  _ “I took Ju-Long and the Sunan Riders and  _ proved  _ that a regional army could work while General Jun takes the Imperial Navy of the East or whatever formal title we have for it and sails to the Eastern Air Temple?” The Generals sipped their tea and pondered. “What resources would Your Majesty need for such an operation?” General How, the decider of all of this, asked me. He was serious.  _ He’s serious. Don’t mess this up! You’ve been planning for this! _

_ Inhale _ . “I require all ten thousand of the Sunan Riders, one Armored Division and one Artillery Battalion. Infantry support would be only for the machines as the Riders already act independant. The less infantry, the more mobility the force would get. We’d go south to wherever the  _ daofei  _ are present and see how they handle a fast striking force. Lightning strikes worked during the Second Siege of Ba Sing Se and this would give-” note, I took to referring to them in the third person as per formality, “-the Council of Five a great field test for our Armored Corps. Finally, the Council has little to lose. If the operation fails, then not nearly as many men are lost. If it succeeds, it proves the Fire Nation’s lightning strikes can work in the steppe country of the Empire.”  _ Exhale. You did it _ . “So...thirty thousand in total?” How asked, on the fence. “Less than that, but correct.” He rubbed his chin. He rubbed it some more. And Song and I held our breaths. “Your Majesty, what requests would Your Majesty have should this...work?” and he said it with too much uncertainty in his voice.  _ Inhale. _ “I’d want to debrief on what worked and what didn’t, and improve from there. An army of just Riders, tanks and artillery, would be my goal.”  _ Exhale. _ He rubbed his chin. “Your Majesty...I approve of this. Do any of the officers object?” and he looked around. The other four shook their heads. “Since there are no objections, Your Majesty, the Council agrees unanimously.” and he put his fist down, causing the whole table to quake.  _ Yes! Yes! Yes! Here comes the reforms!  _

After a few  _ fen  _ of looking at registries, How placed the papers down and came to a decision. “The Council grants Your Majesty, an Imperial Commander, the Yunlicun Tank Division and Fancun Artillery Battalion. The Yunlicun-based Terra Team will assist with infrastructural duties.”  _ Division? Battalion?  _ Ju-Long put his hand down on the table. “I also grant Your Majesty the right to use my Sunan Riders.” I looked around the room. I couldn’t believe it, and yet I could.  _ The Council of Five aren’t idiots _ . 

The Council of Five dismissed the war meeting, declaring a new Imperial Campaign Against Rebels in Sunan since there were Imperial Army deserters located there. As we rode back onto the Imperial Palace Grounds, I was informed by the Dai Li that “The Avatar has departed for the Eastern Air Temple, Your Majesty.” When I stopped and asked the agent why, he said “The Avatar claimed that it was his people’s land and therefore his concern as both Avatar and an Air Nomad.” I looked at the Dai Li pair funny. I nodded along, slowly. “Right. Right.” Then I looked at the sky towards the east. “Have fun convincing insurgents to side with pacifism, Avatar.”

I’d have one night with my Empress before I rode off...again...to war. The two of us found our comfortable positions, I lying on my back and the Empress resting her head on my chest with her hair everywhere, and the two of us, well...she...drifted off to sleep. I thought to give her a hair massage to try and calm my nerves down about the oncoming campaign. It’s never  _ easy  _ to decide to give up your opulence to go off into a battlefield, but it was my duty to my Empress. Thankfully, she wasn’t awoken by me staying up. Far from it, she seemed to greatly enjoy -if her mumbles counted- my hair rubbing. 

I thought about tomorrow. As the Imperial Army liked singing, 

_ If tomorrow brings war _

_ And gives us hard battles _

_ Be prepared for the campaign today! _

And tomorrow, hard battles will be fought. A campaign of uncertainty lay ahead. New reforms if I bring victory, who knows how much backwardness if I bring defeat.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we set out to go kill some ethnic groups! Get hype!   
> Encyclopedic Notes for Aspiring Sunan Riders:  
> -The Sunan Riders are based on, among others, the Mongolians (for their mounted archery), the Qiang (for their looks) and generic 'Xiongnu' from the Sinospheric perspective. In reality, these 'Xiongnu' were proto-Huns and other steppe people. These riders are meant to evoke a similar kind of 'foreigners in our prescene'. Men with long unqueued hair riding ostrich horses and wearing simple clothing in the middle of a fancy elaborate capital city.  
> -They're also based on the bodyguards/forces of Dong Zhuo, the famed Three Kingdoms-era tyrant. His men were rugged and far tougher (due to their climate and being raised in the steppe) than the average Han army.  
> -Commander is a naval and air force rank in our world, but in this world, 'Commander' is used as a title by the leader of militia, paramilitary forces and sometimes mercenaries. Ju-Long, being a unrecognized paramilitary, would fall into the second category.  
> -Ju-Long wields a weapon similar to Lu Bu's halberd, famously known as Sky Piercer. Reference picture: https://sc02.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1QaOrmcuYBuNkSmRyq6AA3pXaq.jpg_350x350.jpg  
> -'Yizhen' is a reference to the real Huangfu Song, to whom Song owes his namesake and some of his talent. Yizhen was Huangfu Song's style name. Style names haven't existed in this writing, yet. They won't exist for a while, but just like many other things, reforms may bring about their return.  
> -The building Ju-Long references is, of course, the Library. It has a more mythical status since this isn't the Avatar telling this tale, it's superstitious illiterate sandbender locals and a non-native expert of the terrain. If the locals think the place is cursed, then Ju-Long would think it's cursed.  
> -The move Mori speaks of when the rider turns around and fires backwards is the Parthian Shot: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parthian_shot . It was used to great effect against the Romans and Byzantines, empires whose forces were mostly infantry with complimentary archers and auxiliary cavalry. You'll just have to see what the Parthian Shot in this story can do to an enemy army.  
> -No, Mori still can't do math. No, having him set aside time to learn it is difficult to do when his day is preoccupied with other activities including but not limited to: reading memorials, answering memorials, blade practice, bow practice, attending Court or meeting with the Ministers, and of course, any intimacy that Toph requests of him (or, in less poetic terms, cuddling).   
> -Lion-turtle formations can either be regular shield walls or Romanesque testudos.   
> -Boar-q-pines are spear circles or schiltroms (schiltrom reference: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WXfSBS6KiZA/maxresdefault.jpg ).   
> -I gave the two their own Avatar-relevant names since using the word Testudo would be out of place. Testudo means Tortoise so Lion-turtle fits. Boar-q-pines have quills pointing in all directions just like a spear circle/schiltrom.  
> -Sokka is painting and he's probably doing a very Sokka job of it. No hard feelings against him.   
> -Caiheccun is a piece of land west of Sunan that was once part of the commandery when the commandery had larger borders. (Commandery borders change with time, just like borders in real life).  
> -The Aknins were a dynasty of Sandbender Chiefs.
> 
> -Aang is not used to facing the harsh reality from someone like Ju-Long. There are bound to be officers in the Empire who had to drive entire ethnic groups, or even just dynasties, to extinction. These people aren't tyrannical, it's simply a matter of waging war against one's foes. The Avatar's existential crises come from when he either sees death (case in point, Toph killing Ozai) or hears about world-shattering events.  
> -"Everyone I don't like is Sozin" is an in-universe meme. Anyone Aang doesn't like might as well be like Sozin since the Avatar isn't the most nuanced. In our world, we have Godwin's Law, or, as time passes, the likelihood of Hitler being brought up is increased. By reading this, you have proved that even I, random online writer, follow the law. Since I just proved it -I just wrote the word Hitler- after hundreds of thousands of words and half a year of writing.  
> -For some reason in stories, the top military commanders have to be idiots. In this case, I don't understand why the Council of Five would be idiots. They have methods that work (the Imperial Navy, the local garrisons) and bringing change to the Empire is quite difficult. They're completely in the right for being on the 'defensive' with their approaches. Such approaches do work. Mori's just advocating for something more pragmatic -akin to his roots- which wouldn't naturally come to officers all trained in the same Academies.  
> -The Imperial Army snippet at the end is from "If War Comes Tomorrow" by the Red Army Choir


	39. Many Potential People Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The campaign against rebels begins...  
> ...by being torpedoed for a day...  
> ...then other problems arise...  
> ...but the power of attacking people you don't like wins out...  
> ...so...victory?...

Chapter: One Hundred and Five

I followed a platoon of Imperial Guards as we descended through some kind of secret entrance _ that wasn’t secret  _ located a few rooms over from the Imperial Bedroom. The walls of green and gold designs became ones of dark stone, and the massive green lanterns became crystals implanted into the ceiling. I followed this walkway as it became a ramp. Then I descended down the gradual slope. This was but one of the many secret entrances to the Crystal Catacombs.  _ Granted, if the Imperial Guard are able to access it, and if I’m able to access it, then it’s more of a forbidden entrance since everyone outside of the Palace is forbidden from entering it _ . The Catacombs were once used by the Dai Li and the Dai Li alone. They met here, they planned here, for all I know they executed people here. Long before that, it was the original town that would grow to become Ba Sing Se. And now?

“That’s not metalbending, this is metalbending!” and something really loud smashed into something else, sending someone screaming and possibly flying. The light at the end of the tunnel became a cavernous ancient city. Small bushes of crystals were everywhere. Pillars the width of trucks seemed deliberately placed about, as if it was by these pillars that the Imperial Palace itself was held up on. Ancient houses, long dilapidated, were built into the walls, or rather back then, the cliffs. Whatever the case was, the ancient city of Ba Sing Se looked to be built around one central river, now formed into a canal. And standing next to this canal was a small young woman in wrestler’s garb, punching boulders at the column of in-stance Imperial Guard. As I walked in, I was pounced upon by a  _ growl _ , looked to my right, and encountered the snout of one mythical companion. 

Lord Qiangyang pressed his snout into me and the Imperial Guard who had joined me backed off for  _ their  _ safety. After a moment of intaking what I smell like to confirm I am who I am, I was licked knee-to-neck.  _ Lick _ . I didn’t want the Imperial Guards to see me visibly shiver from the randomness, but I also can’t control the randomness. When I was done falling backwards - _ thank you, nameless Imperial Guards, for helping me up _ \- I gave his snout a pet. “How’s my favorite badgermole doing?” and he grumbled in happiness. He stuck his tongue out as if to ask for another lick, I backpedaled slowly. “I know the Empire doesn’t retreat, men, but I’m...backwards advancing.” And I backed past them and kept backing up until I could spot all of Lord Qiangyang within my one good eye. He softly crooned, but before I could apologise for making him sad, he walked over to me -stomping on the ground as he went-, knocked me down with his snout, and licked me again. 

_ Smash _ . Whatever practice the Empress was putting her Imperial Guard through must be... _ well it’s Toph what else would I expect _ . I sat up, looked past Lord Qiangyang’s wagging tongue, and sure enough, the Empress was tossing rocks at people’s feet, trying to knock them off their footing. In her classic commanding voice, she shouted “Draw blades!” while her badgermole companion and her human companion felt and watched, respectively, from a safe out-of-imminent-destruction difference. Correction, I backed up just a little bit further. Lord Qiangyang felt me do that and walked  _ around  _ me to appear at my other side. I distracted myself, or rather was forcibly distracted by Lord Qiangyang tilting his head towards me. “You look like the kind of ultra-powerful blind badgermole that needs some ear scratching, don’t you?” I asked, extending my hand as an offer to provide that. He dropped himself from his stance with a massive  _ thud  _ while accidentally poking -and sending me falling backwards- with his snout. _ Thank you pair of Imperial Guards, again _ . So while Toph was...kicking earth plates at people and yelling “your blade is an extension of your bending!”, I was doing a similarly daunting task. Petting a badgermole behind his ears.  _ Oh, it sounds like I’m joking. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch _ . 

I gave him too soft of a scratch, causing him to get annoyed and  _ growl _ as opposed to his usual  _ grumble _ . So I pulled my hand back. But as I watched Toph kick herself forward with an earth pillar before  _ tackling  _ some poor Imperial Guard  _ in the chest _ ..., it hit me that  _ maybe Lord Qiangyang also likes things...hard _ . “I’ll do better this time” I pleaded with the giant animal who was more than capable of cutting me in two by accident. He grumbled in anticipation and laid himself out on the ground to let me get to work. I went back to scratching him as hard as my hands can possibly scratch the back of a giant ear. The grumbling became happy grumbling. He turned his head to the side and started tickling me with his large whiskers.  _ Wait, is this a command to hold still? I bet it’s a command to hold still.  _ I held still while he lifted his head slightly to feel my entire body with his whiskers. I don’t know what  _ roar  _ means in badgermole but he stuck out his tongue and...I guess he was happy roaring? I have no idea. I pointed at his tongue - _ yeah good job, me, as if he’ll see that _ \- and asked “You want me to scratch your tongue?”  _ If so, then you’re actually madder than an Empress.  _ No, he didn’t. He just wanted to lather me in badgermole tongue, as Lord Qiangyang likes doing. I tried to wipe my face off with my hands until I realized my hands were also coated in badgermole tongue.  _ There’s no hope _ . Not that it’d help me,  _ it would help him _ , I nicely asked “Do you want me to scratch the  _ other  _ ear?” He grumbled something, I took that as a ‘yes’, and proceeded to the other ear. 

The secret to this is like giving Toph a foot massage. Be slow, don’t try and stab the target, and be meticulous. Somehow the two people, er, person and giant badgermole, who always like asking for what they want and expect  _ you  _ to understand also have similar levels of preference. The two of them hate soft light scratches. Either give it the full fury of ten thousand years or don’t even try. Now, I’m a bit mad myself, that’s why I look at these daring tasks and go ‘yes.’ Oh, and most importantly, be genuine. I actually wanted to give Lord Qiangyang an ear scratch, he likes it. I’ve never  _ not  _ wanted to give Toph a foot massage when she’s asked for it but I imagine, judging by her hatred of forcing emotion unless for joking purposes, that both appreciate it when you’re honestly invested in their foot-or-ear wellbeing.  _ Can Lord Qiangyang tell lies? I don’t know, I can’t speak badgermole. Toph can. _ Now, I can’t exactly say ‘no’ should the Empress of the Earth Empire ask, but I can pretend that the option exists. Not that I  _ would  _ say no.  _ Wait, why am I even caught up on this? Right, Toph’s like a badgermole in more ways than one _ .

_ Roar _ . This was a much louder roar. Lord Qiangyang was probably quite happy with his ear massage and I got the feeling he was all  _ ‘you, puny human, walk over to me so I may dispense affection upon your mere mortal soul’  _ assuming he could write prose like that. So I did and... _ lick _ . That one caught my queue. So now my hair and face and clothing smelled of badgermole tongue. That much louder roar attracted the attention of “Qiang? What’s the matter?”.  _ Oh. I interrupted her class.  _ I turned to her and took a few steps forward and was stopped by her shouting “I’d recognize those feet anywhere, Kyoshi!”and raising her hands which inadvertently launched two pillars to pop out of the ground and point at me.  _ Okay, thank you for the recognition but I don’t want to die _ . It’s okay, instead of doing something as stupid as that, she heel-tapped the ground and sent a fissure over to tie my feet to the earth. 

Because she’s Toph and facing her students is a courtesy, she casually back-kicked boulders at the static column of horse-stanced master earthbenders while walking over to me. The students had to destroy the boulders in mid air with their own metalbent javelins or blades. Their  _ dao  _ sliced the boulders apart, their javelins swung the boulders out of the way...and so on. The column was in a scattered formation and this helped for when parts of boulders would come raining down on empty land instead of people’s heads. And also, leave it to Toph to train her students by tossing massive deadly objects at them. All the while, I was forced to stand there with my legs tied to the ground.

In that neutral between bossy and not-bossy, she asked “Kyoshi, how’s your day going?”  _ I mean...we’ve got things to do _ . She kicked the ground while finding the middle of my queue and grabbing it. The shackles fell apart and I fell forward and was caught by her, well, holding my hair and holding me up like some limp ragdoll.  _ Let’s get right into it _ . “I...tried some military reform things. I’d like to get going on the campaign soon.” Toph, okay she can’t look but she gave me this  _ huff _ of, annoyance? “What do you mean, ‘I’?” she asked, dropping me to the ground.  _ Thud _ . “Do you want to come along? We...I thought we discussed this yesterday, you know, all the reforms and military matters and me leaving on campaign this morning except I wanted to say goodbye first and-” I took a foot to the back.  _ Ow, not my back, what was that for?  _ “Blah, blah, all this talkin’s boring. Let’s go break some heads!” and she extended a hand down to help me up...by pulling on my hair.  _ Of course _ . “And...were you being a good friend to my favorite badgermole?” she asked while stomping over to the happy grumbles of the massive badgermole. He licked her and she squealed in happiness. “I love you too!” and she embraced him in a hug. The Imperial Guards who dared to watch this were likely as confused as any of us are.  _ The Empress of Ten Thousand Years’ weakness...a giant mythical creature who could slice people’s heads open. Right.  _

“Oh, Kyoshi, I got this for ya’” and she reached into her wrestler garb and pulled out a small metal ball, about the size of a small nut. “What am I supposed to do with that?” and I tried to look at it. She pointed at me, _no, I don’t get it_ , and waited for me to get it. After I didn’t get it, she walked up to me and elbowed me in the chest, causing me to buckle over. Then she grabbed my hair and said “you, hold still.” _Hold still? What?_ She pressed on my cheek with her finger and found my eyepatch and yanked it off. “What are you doing-” I could barely mutter before my legs were enshrined in stone. “I made you a fake eye.” and then she held up the nut-sized piece of metal. “Do I have to...endure this...here?” _Why do you ask these questions, self?_ “You’re free to stick it in your eye” she said, probably sarcastic. “It’s more _fun_ like this” the Empress grinned. Then she stuck the metal ball into the space where I once had a right eye. After all the _ow, ow, that feels really weird_ , it...stuck? Worked? She heel-tapped the ground, released my legs from their shackles and I blinked where my right eye once was. “How did you know the correct size?” “I asked the people in the infirmary for a fake eye’s size. Then I made it, but _better_ ” and she smiled. _Of course you did, you’re Toph._ “Now, about the campaign, you want to come along?” I looked over at Lord Qiangyang and his whiskers. _I know, I’m not asking you, but it’s hard to take my good eye off those large whiskers_. “Why not, when are we leaving?” she responded while _crack_ , pulling a boulder out of the ground and one-handed tossing it at the Imperial Guard over _there,_ somewhere. I hope someone caught that because she was busy catching _me_ , like a fisher and a net, and dragged me over to her mount. _You know, Toph, I do have legs. They work._ “Today.” “Nope. We’re leaving tomorrow!” I couldn’t explain the Empress’s cheering and I’m grateful she didn’t hear my groaning. “Why...not today?” I asked. “I’m taking my _favorite_ mountain-chucking badgermole out for a stroll.” and Lord Qiangyang crooned softly and lowered his talon to let her get on. Not that she needed it. While I was coming to terms with _our campaign being delayed_ , I thought to make something of this. “Shall I prepare dinner for Your Majesty?” “Nah, I’ll find you later.” and she stomped the ground and hopped into her saddle. She shouted “And none of you get out of your stances! I’ll be back soon!” before stomping off into a darker part of the cavern. I turned around and walked back up the ramp.

As I walked about the Imperial Palace, I was surprised when a trio of Dai Li hat-wearers fell from the ceiling down the hall from me. “Your Majesty, I bring news” neutrally stated the middle of the three, which I identified as being the voice of the Head of the Dai Li himself. I responded, sounding more tired than I was, “What news? I was about to go eat.”  _ Maybe that wasn’t a good thing to say _ . “Your Majesty, the Imperial Court has qualms with what they deem as an ‘invasion’ of ‘smelly barbarians.’”  _ Oh for Kyoshi’s sake it’s one of these days.  _ “If the Imperial Court dislikes our noble southern allies, then perhaps the Imperial Court should take some introspection.” The way I said it, half-light hearted, made the Imperial Guards following me laugh. The Dai Li, officially, possess no such senses of humor. The Head of the Dai Li chief among them never laughs. “I have also been informed that Your Majesties intend to go on campaign together?” and he stuck his hands into his sleeves. “That’s correct. Her Imperial Majesty and I intend to depart on campaign to remove the  _ daofei  _ of Suxu and Sunan once and for all.”  _ And...remember what you thought of earlier _ , “To keep the region stable, we will install a monorail line that connects the Serpent’s Junction to Minquan.” He inhaled and exhaled. “With all due respect, Your Majesties cannot  _ both  _ leave the Imperial Palace.”  _ What? Why?  _ __ “Why? Her Imperial Majesty is the Empress of all the lands, not of Ba Sing Se” I countered his point, unable to keep my annoyance back. “And the Imperial Court does not like Your Majesty” he said, formally and coldly. “What gives it away? My killing of one of those old bastards for disrespecting the Dai Li?” and again, the Imperial Guards laughed. “Your Majesty all it takes is for enough people holding enough power and the Mandate of the Spirits, no matter what the loyal citizens think…” but he held his tongue. It’s like he was hiding something and either didn’t want to say it or, judging by the hint of worry in his voice, feared a consequence for speaking his mind.  _ Wait. Enough people. The Imperial Court. There’s one man who could hold this power _ ...

_ Han _ .

“Where’s Grand Secretariat Han? I’d like to have a meeting with him.” And the Head of the Dai Li tensed up. “The Grand Secretariat has been preoccupied with the Avatar, the Fire Lord, and the Green Headband Rebellion.” I went wide-eyed for a _miao_. _Wait, what rebellion?_ “What rebellion?” I asked, a hint of shock in my voice. I thought there was _unrest_. “The...pro-monarchist anti-foreigner rebellion that started the other day” how he managed to say that so casually is beyond me. “And we’re handling it, how?” and now I really wondered what pile of scrolls hid inside that robe. “That’s just it, Your Majesty. We don’t even know how to handle it. Because the entire loyal population is pro-Empire and anti-foreigners. It’s impossible to distinguish a revolutionary from a regular peasant. And beyond the walls of Ba Sing Se, the Dai Li are stretched far and thin.” _Wait...then… what’s stopping a…_ I came to the conclusion. “A mass rebellion.” He nodded. I added _another_ logical conclusion, “And the peasantry are unforgiving in those they determine to be traitors to the Badgermole Throne,” and he nodded. “And if the two of us leave the capital, the workers of the Empire will rise up.” again, he gave me a small nod. “I believe His Excellency calls it ‘the Yellow Necks but loyal to the Badgermole Throne.’ I call it a rebellion. A rebellion is a rebellion.” His solemn directness was appreciated in the realm of fancy talking court nobles. _We could stay in Ba Sing Se, but_ “If we stay in Ba Sing Se, the Empire’s lands could fall into disarray.” “And if Your Majesties leave, Ba Sing Se may...counter-rebel. The Imperial Court expects results and unlike the Dai Li, their high honor prevents them from understanding loyalists from traitors.” and his snarky comment made the Imperial Guard behind me chuckle. “So in other words, the Imperial Court will declare war on themselves, the peasantry want to kill the Imperial Court and the Fire Lord and possibly the Avatar, and the Dai Li want to kill anyone that opposes the Badgermole Throne?” What did I get? A head nod. “That’s correct, Your Majesty.” _I...yeah, no, this makes sense. However_ , I tried to sound as noble as possible, “I fear that even I will not be able to convince Her Imperial Majesty to stay home.” and he actually showcased emotion. A grimace.

He produced a scroll from his waist. “Your Majesty, may I give a warning?” he asked, coldly but also humbly. “What warning?” “The deposed King, His Late Majesty, retains massive support within the bureaucratic Imperial Court.” _Oh really?_ “Was Kuei not executed for being a traitor?” “The Dai Li we sent to, ahem, tie up loose ends, all vanished.” “How?” “The...Imperial Court.” and that was all he needed to say. “What next? Did our western fleet suddenly sink again?” and my attempt at comedic levity - _the Empire is just the birthplace of disasters, isn’t it_ \- went nowhere. “No, but we’ve found spies belonging to Lord Lao Beifong trying to infiltrate the Middle Ring.” _Oh right, I almost forgot, that man’s still alive._ This was all a bit...much...to handle at one time. I bowed to him. “Thank you, Commander. May I go to sleep?” “I believed Your Majesty desired dinner.” _Whatever. Same idea_. “Isn’t it the early morning, Commander?” “It’s mid-morning, yes, Your Majesty.” “So dinner is not for a while.” “That’s...correct, Your Majesty.” _Right, right, of course. I’m losing my mind. I wanted to start the campaign today, but nope. Then this_.

As I walked away from his Dai Li bow, I thought of a way to stop this rebellion. I turned around and asked “Can we...cancel the Fire Lord’s visit? Maybe someone politely tells him to go back to his capital before ours turns to ash again?” The Head of the Dai Li bowed. “I will do whatever I can, Your Majesty. Ejecting him, officially, is beyond my authority. That would fall under the role of the Imperial Herald.”  _ The Imperial Herald. The Imperial Court. Great.  _ “I can...see if other arrangements can be made to convince him to leave.” “Thank you Commander. I will try my best to convince Her Imperial Majesty to...put off...marching on campaign.” He bowed to me, I bowed to him, and he passed the Imperial Guards and I by as he went off to go...somewhere.  _ Right, I need to sleep. But not sleep. Why...why does Xuan like tossing all these problems at me at once? Is it because this is the first time in a few days I’ve been spotted ‘free’ of any obligation? Is it? Is it because he likes to do this because he’s got a twisted sense of humor? Or does he want to throw as much at me as possible to try and convince the Empress to not go on campaign?  _

I went back to the Consort’s Bedroom, peeled off my badgermole-scented clothes, and stumbled my way into a shower. Showers aren’t the  _ best  _ place to contemplate happenings, but this isn’t Caldera so at least I won’t have random attendants watching me from the corners. And washing badgermole-tongue off is...a good thing to do.  _ Anyways _ … 

The Imperial Court doesn’t understand that the Sunan Riders aren’t bad,  _ scrub _ . Pro-monarchist anti-Court anti-foreigner peasant movements,  _ or ‘a’ movement _ , could cause chaos while trying to protect the Badgermole Throne.  _ Scrub _ . The Fifty Second Earth King...exists... _ scrub _ ...which means our legitimacy is questioned... _ scrub _ . New Taku has its own problems,  _ scrub _ , and it’s a melting pot of possible unrest.  _ Scrub _ . And finally, of course, the whole campaign against  _ daofei _ ,  _ scrub _ , which is only being done to try and push for army reforms,  _ scrub _ . And these reforms have to be pushed or the Imperial Army will sink further into degradation. 

It’s almost like every time anyone attempts progress in the Empire, the Empire presses back twice as hard. Such is the nature of continent-spanning domains. This was too much to contemplate for one night. A whole array of issues to contend with. After washing myself off, it occurred to me that  _ I need to keep my priorities straight _ . The Fifty Second Earth King was an idiot, but he carries important blood. As do his cousins. And their children. That’s...unavoidable, for now.  _ Okay let’s knock the other issues down, even if for a moment.  _ If the Fire Lord is compelled to leave, then that negates some of the rebellion’s power. The Sunan Riders are leaving soon, which stops the Imperial Court’s issue. New Taku remains New Taku. This leaves the army reforms and the campaign or the campaign and the army reforms or…  _ it’s the same idea.  _ Those two can be resolved  _ quite  _ soon. As I dried myself off, an idea hit me.

_ By winning a campaign against hardened daofei, we’d showcase the power of the Badgermole Throne, giving us more legitimacy against the previous dynasty, proving to the Imperial Court that the Sunan Riders are to be trusted and proving to the Council of Five -or the Imperial Army in general- that the army reforms are to be pushed for. This leaves New Taku...which we can’t resolve in a one-two punch.  _ And yet, the Head of the Dai Li was, in his own way, insistent that we not go. I spent the rest of the day browsing the Archives for reading materials to let my mind wander.

A few  _ geng  _ later...“So the Head of the Dai Li gave me a few great reasons why the two of us should  _ not  _ go on campaign together and he suggests-” but I took a pillow to the face. _ Ow, did I deserve that pillow?  _ “The answer’s no.” remarked the person who just tossed that pillow at me from the other side of a bed that’s so large it’s the size of some minor power’s war table. “Will you at least wake up early tomorrow?”  _ I don’t know why I asked that. She’s going to say no.  _ “You kidding? I can’t wait to crack some heads.” and she jumped into bed.  _ Wait really?  _ “That’s...unexpected,” I mused, a bit confused. “No it isn’t. I hate attending Court. I don’t hate kicking people into the next nation over.”  _ Don’t cross your arms. I’m just surprised. Pleasantly.  _ I moved over to sit up against a pillow. “What about the Head of the Dai Li?” The Empress pulled her hair bracelet out and tossed it at a wall. “I do  _ not  _ care, Kyoshi.” Then she took to lying down on my chest.. “So...we’re going.” I said it like I didn’t want to go. “Yes, Kyoshi. Tomorrow morning, we’re going.” and she found the right spot for her head to rest on. “What of his warnings?” “I don’t care about his warnings. Stop talking about them and  _ go to sleep _ .” and she fell asleep but moments later.  _ I can’t…  _ I couldn’t wake her up, even though I wanted to...advise her. But she’s also the Empress. And I’m only human. I fell asleep.

As always, I awoke on the finest...yeah no there’s no boring court today so I didn’t wake up depressed and looking forward to dealing with a bunch of old idiots sitting on green cushions. The Empress roused awake soon after, courtesy a hair massage. One of my Kyoshi Warrior bodyguards, one of the Kokos, informed us that twilight had arrived. Morning twilight. We got up, one of us passionate to succeed at army reforms, the other ‘let’s go crack some heads with big rock fists!.” Some of us like wearing armor. Some of us like marching off to battle dressed like underground wrestlers. I need not explain who chose what. 

Many layers of fine Imperial engineering later, one man and his Imperial Armor set off to attempt and fail to give chase to the overly eager Empress who was overly eager to, I don’t know, duel an entire army? I reached the South Gate -no wait it’s called the ‘Gate of Imperial Supremacy’ or something- and that’s when all the musicians collectively decided to give it everything they had. Drums sounded. Horns blasted. Someone was playing the tsungi. And I looked down at the Inner Courtyard and yelled “I thought I said no parades!” to one of the many static Imperial Guards. As it's not his job and it's not his responsibility I don’t blame him for not having any idea of what I was talking about. And below me was a half dozen trucks with... _ struts? _ Trucks that had struts on their backs in place of the normal metal tube. And one man clad in an engineer’s outfit was somewhere in the middle of it all. An engineer’s outfit and goggles and thick gloves.  _ Satoru? It’s been a long time.  _

“Your Majesty!” he remarked, quite happy over  _ something _ . “Satoru, what are you doing here?” and my answer came in the form of a scroll that  _ I’m not going to bother reading _ . “The Mechanist suggested I introduce Your Majesty too…” and he flamboyantly waved his arms like an eccentric madman towards the vicinity of one of these artillery trucks with struts on them, “The Wailing Yaling!”  _ The wailing...what?  _ “Satoru, have you been in proximity to a certain Water Tribe Prince?” I asked, because  _ it’s too early for this _ . “No, I haven’t, Your Majesty. This is what I’ve been working on.” I felt this sense of disappointment, but ignored it because  _ it’s too early for this _ .

“Please tell me one,  _ what _ , two,  _ why _ , three,  _ how _ ” I gave him my list of questions stylized as I cared to stylize them. Almost as if having the Earth Emperor looking at his...invention...is a sign of validation, he excitedly walked over to one of these vehicles -the drivers were sitting inside- and pointed at the back. “Light  _ this  _ fuse,” he held up the dangling fuse cord, “and a hundred fireworks will make your enemies  _ disappear _ !” and he pointed at the...I suppose...firework holders. One, I didn’t even know fireworks were usable as weapons. Two, that’s a lot of fireworks strapped to the back of a truck. They came in what looked like a large box strapped to the struts. A box with spaces to hold a hundred little fireworks. Three,  _ Wailing Yaling?  _ “Why is it called the” and I dared mimic his voice, “‘the Wailing Yaling!’” and even cracked my own in the attempt. “Because it’ll make the Empire’s opponents wail, Your Majesty. And Yaling rhymes with wailing.”  _ how clever. No wonder you’re friends with the Mechanist, you’re both cactus-juiced. Also no wonder you and the Empress get along well. Explosives...  _ “In other words, I park a couple of these somewhere, light some fuses, and a town vanishes?” and I looked over at the other trucks parked here. There were a few of them. “Town, army, entire front of a campaign, you name it, these trucks can do it, Your Majesty!”  _ Where...why is the Imperial Court busy talking about the size of a Palace while a teenage engineer and his mad alchemist friend are able to go around the entire system and just...invent newer more efficient means to turn our enemies into paste?  _ “How much money did all this cost?” I pondered, because if it’s a lot, then  _ someone’s  _ getting their head liberated, and if it’s a little and it works, then  _ someone’s  _ getting a medal. “It was quite cheap. We have all this blasting jelly lying around.”  _ You’re quite eager.  _ “How did you invent this?” He bowed. “One day, a firework misfired and flew into a building. It wasn’t that damaging, but it got us thinking, Your Majesty. We put a more...potent...version of blasting jelly on the fireworks, then tested it out. Soon enough, fireworks tipped with blasting jelly were being test-launched. Then it was a matter of artillery. We took a firework launcher and strapped it to the back of one of these trucks and-” I like Satoru as much as the next person, but he rambled  _ on _ and  _ on  _ and I actually had things to get to. “Thank you, Satoru.” I bowed back to him while he brightly smiled. He looked as if he was going to say ‘I’ve been validated!’.

Satoru hitched a ride on one of the vehicles. I? I got the latest Imperial technology, a blue-barded ostrich horse. At least I had something he didn’t, the companionship of one Kyoshi Warrior Captain, Suki. I wished her a good morning, “Morning to you” and she wished me a good morning “And a morning to you, queued man.” “Where’s the Empress?” Suki calmly, unironically, said “A badgermole proved to be faster than the rest of us.”  _ Oh you’ve got to be kidding me _ . I snapped my ostrich horse reins and rode for the monorail. I found the Empress waiting next to a carriage entrance, bored. Suki and I dismounted. “You done flirting with your cousin, Kyoshi?” I could tell by her question that her ear-picking was not satisfying her. “No, no, I wasn’t...we were discussing the schematics of-” note, never argue with someone able to use rock gloves who then uses those rock gloves to drag one inside a monorail. For, when arguing with that person, they will use rock gloves to drag one into a monorail. In Toph’s case, she did it while giggling “I’m glad you were learning your cousin’s schematics really well.”  _ Right, we need more whiskey? No? Yes?  _

Back in Wailing Yaling land, the dozen vehicles were not abandoned and as it turns out, they can drive at a relatively fast speed. Relatively. Biplanes are faster than all. I’d guess it’s because instead of a heavy metal tube, they’re carrying a bunch of really fragile easy-to-accidentally-detonate fireworks. And there’s also entire  _ carriages  _ of these fireworks.  _ I’m really glad our personal monorail doesn’t double as an inventory of these fireworks _ . 

The trucks went to get on other carriages, not ours. Our Imperial Carriage set off on it’s own, bound for whatever the farthest eastern depot we could reach was. There, we will converge with the rest of the,  _ what’s our name? _ , Banner Army, or all the riders, tanks and regular artillery. Wherever that will be, it’ll be a day or three to get there.

While we engorged ourselves on breakfast, turtle-ducks for Suki and I, a large piece of steak for Toph, we speedily passed through all three Rings courtesy of our private express lane. While enjoying breakfast, I looked off to either side at the Agrarian Zone. Directly around us, row upon row of war factories with entire neighborhoods of shops, restaurants and houses built up around them. As we passed by, I spotted a specific factory from a large grouping of them producing Imperial Battle Tanks and watched them drive down a small ramp before being loaded into waiting carriages. Another factory in another neighborhood might be producing boxes of artillery shells. Another one might be building biplanes. Yet another could be produce parts for cruisers and other warships. There was an organization to all this that was beyond me. One day I’ll return to inspect this on the ground, for myself.

We passed through the massive Outer Wall with a great  _ whoosh _ . The Outer Wall that once marked the end of the Earth King’s direct authority. The Outer Wall, the boundary that was once all that lay between the safety of Ba Sing Se and the evil, harsh, probably on fire, outside world. The Outer Wall that no longer has the same unbreakable aura the legends gave it. Which didn’t matter, because the wall’s taken a few upgrades. In classic Earth Kingdom, now Empire fashion, the military is more concerned with defending what it owns as opposed to trying to regain what it has lost. Artillery pieces, large enough their barrels can be seen from below, in a fixed position pointing towards the southern noontime Sun. They seem perfectly halfway between vertical and horizontal. Except they aren’t fixed. Knowing the technology behind it, they’re on slabs of earth that could be rotated. Their only weakness is if someone makes it to the Wall, I don’t think they can launch shells downwards. But that’s what the giant droppable boulders are for.  _ Not that they worked last time against a giant drill.  _ Though,  _ though _ , the then Home Guard shouldn’t be discounted for being idiots. They tried to cripple the Drill by digging large trenches to disable the locking mechanisms. It didn’t work against an army twenty thousand strong, but they  _ tried _ .

We set out to practice our own skills. The Imperial Carriage is large enough that there’s a room for Toph to beat people up with metalbending and be just down the hall from an archery range which itself is down the hall from a place to practice sword fighting. In regards to the former, I pity the Imperial Guards chosen to ‘practice’ with Toph. I gave my customary bow and requested permission to watch, which earned a “sure, go right ahead” from the woman currently wielding her metal arm bracelet like some kind of dagger. “What’s the use in using a small metal bracelet?” I asked while she pointed at one of the guards, and all bossily, commanded “draw your blade!” He hesitated but complied. “Now, come down at me from above!” The man looked at me with this ‘ _ is Her Imperial Majesty crazy’  _ look, I nodded, and he went through with it. Toph stood still until what was probably the last moment before blocking his strike with hers, and despite him weighing something and her weighing almost nothing, she easily knocked his blade out of his hand. She then turned the dagger into a bracelet and wrapped it around her arm. “Kyoshi, I’d  _ like  _ to be able to use any amount of metal I’ve got to do whatever I’d like.” I countered with “But...I thought you couldn’t hear flying earth.” because... _ can she? Is this something I’ve forgotten about?  _ “If you’d stop shouting, I can hear everything. It’s  _ all  _ based on them touching earth” and she planted her foot in the ground and pointed at me. Sarcastically serious, “Even some man falling over himself down the hall, third door to the left. I hear that.”  _ Is that cue for me to leave you alone? I’ll take it as it is _ . So I gave a pointless kowtow before walking down the hall.

“Why and how and why again” was what I first heard upon opening the door and finding,  _ no, not the pair I thought _ , Suki’s second in command, Aoma, standing over a Dai Li agent with his hands tied behind his back. He turned his head as far to the right as he could and “Good…” then he shrieked, “Your Majesty!.” I raised my hand like this was normal to see and “A good morning to you, too, agent” Then I looked at Aoma. “Why are his hands tied, how did you defeat him, and  _ why  _ are his hands tied?” She smiled, knelt, and pulled a single string which then caused the whole binding to fall apart. She collected her rope and helped him up before remarking “So he came at me with a strike, I swiped his leg out from under him like this-”, then she did just that, making him have this surprised look, then as he fell, she caught, gathered and tied up either of his hands. “And once he fell, I could tie his hands” and while the poor agent could only watch me -yes, I saw his eyes- watch her with amazement, she tied his hands together and dropped him to the ground with a  _ thud _ . “Can you stop doing that to me?” he said with a pinch, no it was more like a  _ squeeze  _ of annoyance. “No” she smirked. “In reality, I wanted to exchange…” but the Dai Li agent was already too sad to continue. His hat was sitting on the ground nearby, which made his fancy braid all the more apparent and distinct and  _ why does he look like he’s going to cry?  _ The Kyoshi Warrior, taking after Suki, was proud to proclaim “I wanted to kiss  _ him  _ but I also wanted to show him that no matter where someone is or when something’s happening, someone  _ could  _ be attacked.” Then she put her hands on her hips. “Suki taught me that  _ anyone  _ can be grabbed” and she said that with a tone of ‘you’re next’. Instinctively, I jumped backwards and dodged her lunge. “Aw, I thought I had you, Your Majesty” she said, disappointed that I knew her teacher’s tricks well enough to know her. But this didn’t keep the agent,  _ I think you’re Tu-Lee _ , out of things. “His Imperial Majesty didn’t fall for it!” She turned around and gave him a polite foot tug, then a less polite foot jab which caused him to roll over to lie on his back instead. She inquired “Would you care to join our wrestling match, Your Majesty?” while grabbing him by the arm and pulling him up “Not really?” I said it like a question because something about crazy Kyoshi Warrior versus singing Dai Li agent is  _ not  _ a fight I want to watch. That said, it’s entertaining. Fire-flake worthy entertaining. “Thank you, but I’d rather go watch the Empress beat up men thrice her size” I offered a bow to the grinning second-in-command and the ‘you’re so getting demoted’ Dai Li agent, slammed the door shut behind them, and left.  _ He’s so getting demoted _ . 

I went to practice archery instead. Sounds easy, there’s a target over there and there’s a bow over here. Except we’re on a moving vehicle. So everything’s got this dull shake to it. Which means it’s the closest I’ll get to mounted archery without doing mounted archery. I also dared myself to ‘short draws, only’. According to the Imperial Guard who stood outside my door, I spent one _geng_ in there practicing. For normal people, that’s like half of the afternoon. It felt like a _dian_ at most. I reused the same two dozen arrows, collecting them all but only after I launched each one. There were nine targets in that room, three about fifteen feet away, three thirty, and three against the back wall. _Nock, draw, aim, loose._ _Nock, draw, aim, loose. Nock, draw, aim, loose. Nock, draw, aim, loose._ On and on. I can’t write how many times I mentally issued that order to myself. Why? _I did it a lot._ As for my hits? I missed far fewer attempts than I’ll admit, but that’s because these targets are like duck-geese. _And I happen to have an eye, one good eye that is, for archery_. Why issue these commands again and again? If I practice with issuing commands to myself, it’ll help when giving commands to troops. In addition, archery is much like practicing a sword _kata_. Just as one doesn’t rush through each strike, block and parry and accompanying stances and guards, one wouldn’t rush through operating a bow. Nocking, drawing, aiming -especially aiming- and the momentary loose aren’t meant to be rushed. They should be able to be, _namely aiming_ , if necessary, but it’s not intentional.

Our train stopped at Gaijin to stop for supplies, news, and due to the rail line not being wide enough to support five rows of traffic. Despite the mass increase in infrastructure projects across the Empire within the past year -mostly due to the centralization of the Army- that has only brought more traffic and commuters from the rural country to Ba Sing Se. And a large town like Gaijin, which popped out of the foothills and dirt -there was but a village here a year and a half ago- provides a place for people to live at before commuting into Ba Sing Se’s Agrarian Zone for work in the factories. The news that we received was that the other trains that held the other tens of thousands of men, mounts and machines were on their way. The other more important news was that the easternmost depot we could depart at was in western Caijiahe, the commandery north of Sunan. 

When the afternoon traffic ceased, we took the once mighty guardian, the only way to go south-to-north without crossing a river, the Serpent’s Pass itself, in stride. I stopped my archery to look out the windows to the west. We were on the eastern side of the mountain range itself. We were crossing on the bridges the Imperial Army built, rapidly, as part of connecting our monorails to the train lines of the Colonies and the Fire Nation. As part of a grand infrasturctural campaign.  _ Somewhere  _ out to the west, a year and a winter ago, the Princess of the Fire Nation put a lightning bolt through the eye of the Great Serpent. A year and a winter ago, the last bastion of hope that the Fire Nation wouldn’t attack the walls of Ba Sing Se and a spiritual entity in it of itself, was killed. Not that the city knew what was coming. Who could possibly foresee a great drill being offloaded and physically driven into the Outer Wall? And now, when we reached the other side of the Serpent’s Pass, the town of the Serpent’s Junction, we were not greeted with a field of Fire Nation banners or a Fire Nation encampment.  _ That’s what sat here a year and a winter ago _ . Instead, we were greeted by a city on the rise, with its own factories, a prosperous textile industry, and a hub of commerce and people flowing in from all directions. At the center of it all, a wall built to block would-be attackers from crossing the paved pathway dug out of the spine of the Serpent’s Pass. An ancient natural rock formation was carved through like cake to make way for a ten-laned -five in either direction- roadway. And, considering the high amount of traffic crossing it, I’d say it was a good investment.  _ It’s not like the Serpent can protect it any longer _ .

I went back to the room Aoma and Agent Tu-Lee were using earlier for...I don’t know, rope-tying practice?, and unsheathed my sword for some  _ jian  _ practice. Once again, it felt like a  _ dian  _ but the Imperial Guards at the door told me it was more like a  _ geng _ . Many could ask ‘do I practice the blade everyday?’ to which I would confirm that I do. I’m familiar with about twenty  _ kata _ and eight of them are from Kyoshi Island. The Kyoshi Island forms are much more rigid. A blade and the user will appear more stiff as the moves go from guard to guard. In addition, those eight  _ kata  _ have their own specific postures meant to be used with a katana. The room they were using possesses many targets perfect for practicing with blades on. Just don’t hit the stone. As for each  _ kamae _ , I know them by heart because I grew up surrounded by them. A special prefix note: Kyoshi Island’s rigidity is meant to teach discipline. ‘A master teaches, a student adapts’ or something poetic like that. In reality, it’s a basic system and that’s why six year olds are able to start practicing on it. And it’s a practical system, that’s why teenage girls are able to cut down invading  _ daofei  _ when equipped with their trained-from-birth weapons. 

_ Chudan _ is the basic guard stance. It is the basic position by which all others are derived. Fail to grasp this and one cannot possibly wield a blade of any kind. The blade points at your opponent’s midsection while it’s hilt is held near your waist. For a katana-wielder, this is much easier  _ since the system was designed around that _ . Unsurprisingly, the Earth Kingdom had its own systems of blade-wielding and they have a similar stance. In both cases, the blade threatens the enemy’s chest with a possible thrust,  _ not a lunge! _ . Should one’s opponent dare thrust, a counter-thrust is viable. Of course, when wielding a blade that’s much longer than your opponent’s -like the katana- that is much easier to do than when holding a blade the same length as an opponent. For the  _ jian _ , the difference is instead of playing completely defensive, one must anticipate the strike and correctly parry it before assaulting the opponent with a thrust.

The next two are similar to  _ Chudan _ .  _ Gedan  _ and  _ Jodan _ .  _ Gedan  _ is the lowersection guard stance. For either katana or  _ jian _ , hold the blade at the waist and point it at the opponent’s waist or legs. For the  _ jian _ , again, it is much harder to take advantage of the presumed range benefit of this stance. For this is considered the ideal defensive stance as a katana-wielder such as Suki could raise her blade to block any opponent’s strike, parry it, and advance into a thrust or slice. Personally, it’s quite hard to use a  _ jian _ , which is already a thin shorter piece of metal, and then point it away from where most of my guarding would entail. Yet again, range wins out. But range does not always equate to fluidity with one’s strikes. But I’ll get to that later.

_ Jodan  _ is the guard stance every famous folk hero seems to always entail using. Instead of guarding one’s waist, or even being  _ near  _ the waist, the blade is held above the head. In doing so, the wielder appears both heroic to his or her allies and intimidating to his or her enemies. That said, there’s a reason it’s the stance of the folk heroes. In any fight, against anything that isn’t the exact same blade, or even if you’re slow, this stance, this pose, will result in getting one’s arms sliced or throat impaled. If someone is a master at the katana, then this position allows for the greatest reach with the blade because few opponents can possibly predict how long the blade actually is. Likewise, a teenage girl wearing ornate makeup while holding a blade that looks to be her length in size is far more frightening than it sounds hilariously comical. Just as with the last stance, I have almost no use for this. Though, I still train with it.

_ Waki _ is a guard stance by which the blade is held behind oneself. Sounds crazy. In the midst of a massive field battle, it most definitely is. But like with the rest of these forms, they were built around what the greatest duelists used and created for ‘optimal’ conditions. Which, of course, ‘why create a system for optimal conditions’, because Kyoshi Island has pride in our dojos. And also because being an island of peasants, we can only tolerate learning a few stances. Sometimes all one may fight with is a bamboo stick. In that case, hiding the length of the stick will assist with catching the opponents off-guard. Like the previous stance, I practice this even if it serves little function in practicality.

Last, and similarly iconic is  _ Hasso _ .  _ Hasso _ is when the blade is held next to the head, but the blade points up at the sky. For a katana, it is meant to curve slightly backwards to help with a cross-cutting slice. For a  _ jian _ , this is the greatest possible stance to be in. From  _ Hasso _ , one may perform any thrust or strike. Of course, the stance is not nearly as defensive as the balanced  _ Chudan _ but if one masters keeping the blade in this guard, they can block nearly any incoming strike. This stance is the easiest to adapt to usage for other blades, namely the  _ jian _ . Instead of slicing, extend one’s sword-arm out and lunge at an opponent. Or just use it to block head or chest strikes before thrusting forward as one might do in  _ Chudan _ . In case it wasn’t obvious, this is my favorite stance of all stances to practice and has served me well in skirmish and duel after skirmish and duel. I don’t chronicle every single blade-raised move, but know that this tends to be my preferred opener and -should my blade do its job- closer.

And that’s just Kyoshi Island. The Empire has nearly as many stances as there are commanderies. I know of about three dozen, thanks to the finest swordsmen -and Piandao- but that’s supposedly the tip of the metaphorical iceberg. There’s probably a hundred variants on poking someone with a  _ jian  _ and some involve raising the back hand to look cool and some don’t. There’s likely fifty variants on the right-to-left slice -due to most swordsmen using their dominant hand- and only four known left-handed systems. The one I practice, Makapuan, involves trying to be light-footed. I am taught to constantly be in motion and counter others’ range with my agility. Counter their strikes and engage in quick cuts or, if possible, a thrust. Nobody’s going to be grabbing a two-handed blade with their bare hands. Fanciness gets thrown out the window in the name of simplicity. In addition, most opponents have never fought someone with my sword-hand. As such, they simply haven’t prepared for it. So the quick strikes are advantageous.

I practiced the eight katas I knew from Kyoshi Island both unarmed and with my blade. Then I practiced the other dozen I knew from the Empire’s lands. Some of these are actually Colonial in origin, taught to me by an almost-master of both popular blades, the  _ jian  _ and  _ dao _ , Garrison Officer Oda. Remembering that it was  _ him  _ that taught me much of what I know, for he was the man to state ‘use your sword-hand to other’s weaknesses’ and he taught me the Makapuan style, which comes from the Makapuan Mountains, home to ‘strange styles’ according to Oda. And now, Oda’s ashes can tell Yozuke’s how to bow properly. I was getting caught up in ashes and Oda and past events.  _ I need a break _ . So I sheathed my blade and sat down and amidst the distant smashes of Toph probably turning people upside down and took some time to remember them. I lit some incense and offered prayers to them.  _ I can never forgive what was done _ . 

“Kyoshi, let’s get lunch!” was my only warning before the Empress headbutted a wall and walked right through. She didn’t stop -or care- that I was sitting there resting on my knees, drinking a cup of tea. She didn’t know I was toasting my fallen friends. I took a final inhale and exhale,  _ I will avenge you all,  _ stood up, turned to Toph, and said “As you wish, Your Majesty” I asked her “Where are we?” so she asked Captain Wuhan “Where are we?” He then walked off and asked someone down the hall. Then his footsteps returned and “Mengjin, Your Majesties.”  _ Where’s Mengjin _ ? “Where’s Mengjin/” I mumbed. The ceiling read my mind and a voice stated “that’s the commandery that comprises the entire southern shore of the East Lake, Your Majesty.” I then looked  _ up  _ at the ceiling and, halfway stunned and halfway spooked, “you can...talk?” I asked it. “I’ve been up here all day.” a second voice whined. 

“You have not,  _ Wei _ ” claimed the first voice. “Yes I have. I’ve been waiting to refill my tea but you were all ‘no, we don’t want to disrupt His Imperial Majesty’” the second one whined. “Wei, he’s looking at us. Please be quiet.” the first one said, annoyed. Then one of the two fell down. “Forgive Agent Wei. I’m Agent Shen, on behalf of the entire Dai Li-” I held up my hand to stop Shen, that was the first voice’s name, from talking. “Just get back up there...please.” and the man bowed in Dai Li style and hopped back up to the ceiling. “Can we come down to get tea?” the second voice in the ceiling whined. I waved and said “Go right ahead.” So the second agent fell down and shouted “Bang! Wei’s back!” and bowed to me. The two bowed to Toph, who had taken to scratching her underarm and going “we done yet?” When the two left, I, too, bowed to her but before I could rise from it she grabbed me with her hand and “okay okay, enough of this” and dragged me out. As I was forcefully taken to lunch, or dinner, or whatever, same idea, I looked around and “Where’s those two people from earlier? Aoma and Tu-Lee?” She released me from her grip. “I’m guessing you’re talking about the two down the hall in the room opposite ours? Go get ‘em yourself.” and she pointed in the rough direction of where to go. So I went down the hall, passed the kowtowing soldiers, and found my -well Toph’s- bedroom. Then I opened the door opposite it, assuming, you know, that they were talking.  _ Perhaps they were wrestling or something, like what Toph and I do to pass the time.  _ They weren’t talking.

The Kyoshi Warrior and the Dai Li agent were both missing their shirts. Thank the spirits, Suki’s second in command  _ was  _ wearing her undergarments. But the Dai Li agent was...more lacking in the pants division. The two were embraced in kissing and other things that are so oogie mentally thinking about them makes me need a drink. Now, being a calm and collected Emperor, I did what any rational person would do...and involuntarily screamed. Which got the man who was a member of the very modest Dai Li to, just as manly, scream back at me a “What are you doing in here?” After recoiling from all the  _ oogies _ , I pointed at him and “No, what are  _ you  _ doing in  _ here _ ?” to which the Dai Li agent soon realized  _ who  _ I was -I guess all the  _ oogies  _ prevented him- and went “By...it’s Your Majesty!” and he hopped out of his kissing to bow to me...while still not wearing much. 

I exclaimed “You’re...not. You’re free to...do all this...Kyoshi’s Ethics permits it...but where’s  _ his  _ shirt?” then pointed at her and asked “Where’s yours?!?” “We took them off because it was hot in here” Aoma said like this was a normal activity. “Can you...I need a drink...can you put them back on and come to dinner?” I may or may not have felt lightheaded after seeing all that. “A moment for privacy” The Kyoshi Warrior asked. The Dai Li fell slumped over in defeat. He knew what was going to happen to him. But...it didn’t.

She left him there, since she can’t  _ force  _ him to get up and furthermore, “come join us when you want” from her while she followed me out the door. Before we could get somewhere nice, public and scandalous, she found Suki and asked  _ her  _ something in whispers. Then Suki’s eyes widened and she leaned in to ask  _ me _ “can I ask you for something?” “Go ahead” I waved her on. “Hey, so I know you’ve got a bunch of, ahem, ‘lover’s robes’, right? Or were they all burned?” For a moment, I had to recall that at some point in my past I took inventory of possessing items known as ‘lover’s robes’.  _ I still possess them _ . “I assume they still exist” I replied, unsure of their whereabouts. “Can I ask for...two? It would be a great gift for my Prince and for Aoma’s-” I held up my hand and she paused. “Five don’ts and one want. I don’t wish to know. I don’t desire to know. I don’t yearn to know. I don’t need to know. I don’t demand to know. I want you to pick whatever clothes you want and you could eat them for all I care.” and I got up and walked over to lunch. “Oh, thank you!” she brought her hands together in some applause and giddily jumped up and down. “Thank you! Thank you! You’re the best cousin!” she jumped after me then tackle-hugged me. Then Aoma offered her bows. “Thank you for being so-” I cut her off. “Stop talking. Please. For my mind’s sake.” Then I looked at Suki. “ _ Why  _ did Aoma need to ask you?” “Because  _ some  _ people are too shy to. Also, she wanted to check with me first.”  _ I… what in the name of Kyoshi is even going on?  _ My mind lost itself. “And you need one for Prince Sokka?” “It’d be a nice gift” she seriously,  _ yes really _ , said. “I…” I just waved her towards my bedroom. “Take whatever you need.”  _ Because all I need, right now, is a bottle of Clear Whiskey _ . 

We enjoyed dinner,  _ I’m sorry, it was the middle of the day _ , I meant lunch, in the main lunchroom aboard the Imperial Carriage. The provisions bought from the Serpent’s Junction were even fresher whole turtle-ducks and pig-sheep steaks. And rice. Lots of rice. Because ‘where we’re going, the men like being paid in rice. Gold’s worthless. Water sells well’ according to one of Ju-Long’s Lieutenants who stowed aboard our Carriage as a kind of representative of the Riders. 

While eating lunch, we receive news through a messenger hawk of events transpiring. The railhead at Yuantaizi, a town located where the plains country becomes steppe country, is where the troops have been forced to disembark. Further depots are under siege, pinned down by some Sandbender Chief named Rong and his ‘army’ of sandbenders which seemed to be composed of  _ daofei _ , deserters, and sandbenders alike. We didn’t lose any army positions, yet, but we were to be forced to continue this campaign on foot. A messenger hawk was sent to Ba Sing Se requesting additional biplane support. Finally, Commander Ju-Long, having left before us, remarked that  _ “When Your Majesties arrive, the lightning strikes will begin! _ ”

Toph’s fully dedicated to leading this one from the front, atop Lord Qiangyang, with me as a mere Imperial Commander. The White Flower Banner Army, that’s its temporary name, will progress east from Yuantaizi. We will try and race as far east as we can, leaving behind the Terra Team and contingents of the Armored to defend the Terra Team’s monorail-expanding operation. We were also going to receive assistance from the definitely competent local garrisons. 

But it’s okay, the Avatar was only facing an entire island chain of people that likely wanted him dead. 

This stuff’s easy by comparison.

Also, there’s Clear Whiskey. That makes things easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Sunan Riders engage the rebels!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Off-on-Campaign-Again Folks:  
> -Toph uses the Crystal Catacombs as her training/teaching room. Why? It's large enough to support large classes, it's an earthbender's paradise, not-blind people can use the crystals to see. Oh, and Lord Qiangyang prefers this habitat to anything above ground. To this, Toph agrees.   
> -They were going to go on campaign the first day. Mori went down there to find her and tell her they'd be leaving soon, but Toph ensued.  
> -While Mori is concerned with army reforms or distracted by Toph's plays or Toph in general, people like the Head of the Dai Li are monitoring events. The world doesn't just stop because Mori isn't interacting with it. Likewise, plots established in previous chapters won't just vanish because Mori stops paying attention to them. 
> 
> -Wailing Yaling's are full of references to rocket artillery.   
> -The vehicle design (the struts on the back of a truck) are based on the Katyusha's design (an already in production truck with rocket holder on the back): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katyusha_rocket_launcher  
> -The Wailing Yaling's payload design, a box full of fireworks, is visually based on the Hwacha: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hwacha  
> -In real life, fire arrows were the first 'form' of rocket artillery. Fireworks exist in the world of Avatar, so in place of fire arrows, fireworks.   
> -The name, 'Wailing Yaling', is a reference to the Katyusha being named after a song, 'Katyusha' and also a common Russian name, Katyusha (or Katya for short).  
> -Mori's remarks about the Walls are here because this is one of the only times he's not distracted while leaving the city. Last time, he had How to talk to. This time, Toph's leaving him (mostly) alone.  
> -Yes, Aoma and Tu-Lee's romance continues.   
> -Gaijin is a town on the northern side of the Serpent's Pass.  
> -Yes, the Serpent's Pass -now Junction- was converted into a highway. The mountains weren't completed destroyed, their centers were just carved through to make way for the roadway. Now, instead of one mountain range, it's two thin spines walling off the roadway. This is part of the rapid industrialization that the Empire was and is going through. In the event you were wondering why or how this was accomplished, the answer is earthbenders. Enough earthbenders could probably make anything possible.
> 
> -Mori's tangent on blades is for encyclopedic purposes, not everyone's going to know the Kyoshi Island style.  
> -The guard stances themselves are all taken from real stances.  
> \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ch%C5%ABdan-no-kamae  
> \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gedan-no-kamae  
> \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J%C5%8Ddan-no-kamae  
> \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hass%C5%8D-no-kamae  
> \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hass%C5%8D-no-kamae  
> \- From personal experience in Japanese Karate, I only knew a few basic forms for a long time since I was taught to 'perfect' them before moving on to the more complicated elements. The forms I learned were based on forms taught to average peasants. As such, I derived that someone like Mori -and Kyoshi Island- would also learn basic militia forms. In his case, these five stances are basic but that doesn't make them any less deadly.


	40. The Flower Banner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sunan Riders demonstrate their competence...  
> ...and Toph and Mori engage in some arguing...  
> ...Imperial arguing...  
> ...against their enemies...  
> ...with rock gauntlets and meteorite blades...  
> ...it's going to be a rockin' time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 40 chapters in, 60 to go!

Chapter: One Hundred and Six

_ Ow, okay, okay, I’ll give them a speech _ . “Kyoshi.” and she shoved me. “Go.”  _ But I didn’t prepare! Ow, please no shoving.  _ It only took a few shoves to get me to walk forward and  _ up  _ the stairs that someone - _ ahem, Toph _ \- kindly built out of nothing. I ascended the staircase and looked out from the one story tall platform. Ahead of me, steppe lands in all directions. Nearly if not entirely flat, with no trees. Far to the right, to the south, barely visible, the lands where biomes meet. Lands of dust, not of grass. Where civilization ends and the untamed desert begins. Behind me, somewhere far back there, the town of Jinyazhen. To my left, somewhere out there, the hills of Jinzhong. Meaning that the mighty Da Dongjiang was that line of blue, invisible from the ground but present from my position. And just in front of me, a few stone pillars were all that distinguished that this was a commandery border. I stood in Yuantaizi while a  _ horde  _ looked up at me from Caijiahe. And I’m not referring to the tanks arrayed in organized lines pointing eastwards.

Just beneath my platform, and extending out like a black sheet towards my east, north and south, ten thousand men sitting on their ostrich horses. Some held their spears high. Some punched the air with their fists. Some ostrich horses were desperately trying not to stay still. Some riders held spears with pennants on them. And at the head of this mighty host, a horde, a small line of riders with mounts that were still, wearing small crowns of dark green and small white centerpins with the mightiest crown of all belonging to the man with the mightiest spear of all, the Sand Piercer. His crown was larger than theirs just as his hair was longer than theirs. 

Among spears, the Sand Piercer. Among the Sunan, Ju-Long. He made a single motion of his hand and the entire crowd went silent.  _ Right, self, you can do it. Motivational speech pulled out of nothing, here we go _ .

“Sunan Riders! Today, the Badgermole Throne calls you to war! A new army waits to be forged and it is by your hand that will make it so! From here, we will race forward and we will not rest until we have reached the borders of Suxu! We ask for what some call impossible and we know you shall-” _Ow_. I found that the mighty, conquering, small, _one of those is not like the other_ , hand of the Empress was poking my shoulder. I stopped my speech. “Okay Kyoshi thanks for teaching the girls how to sew” and I _might’ve_ been -or, in other words, I was- grabbed by the arm and tugged backwards, falling into the loving arms of...Suki. “Thank you” I looked up at her makeup made-up face. “My pleasure” she smiled down at me. “I tried, Suki.” “You tried.” _Oh yeah, Sukes, keep grinning_. 

Now Toph...Toph is not us. She flexed her palms, raised both her hands and yelled “Sunan Riders! What’s up?” To  _ that _ , the horde yelled “Ten Thousand Years!”

“Was that a chant? That sounded like a bunch of girls crying! Give me a  _ chant _ !” and she stomped the ground because...why not. So they yelled “Ten Thousand Years!” at the same time. “I  _ hear  _ a chant, but I don’t  _ see  _ a chant!” she shouted in a mix of bossy and... _ charismatic? Insane?  _ “Do we want to tell them she can’t  _ see  _ anything?” I asked Suki. The woman attired like a wrestler tapped the ground and an earth pillar kneed me in the shins for her. “I’m going with no.”  _ Thanks, Sukes _ . “I said-” Toph raised her hands again, then shouted “-I didn’t  _ see  _ that chant!” The army chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” and punched the air with their blades and spears. “Chant!” she yelled. And so they chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” “Chant! Your Empress commands you!” and they chanted again, “Ten Thousand Years!” this time shaking the ground. I looked to the side at my cousin. “Suki...it sounds like an earthquake.” She gestured to the horde. “It’s just ten thousand men rearing their mounts.” “Chant you girls!” “Ten Thousand Years!” “Chant!” “Ten Thousand Years!” Even Lord Qiangyang roared from behind us. “Now  _ that’s  _ a chant!” she said with what  _ sounded  _ like that classic grin of hers. “And what are you girls going to do?” the young woman, who, spoiler, happens to be of the ladylike persuasion herself, asked. “Kill!” they boomed. “That’s my girls!” she yelled. Then she pointed, with only one hand, at the mob. “So get out there, and kill something!” and she turned around while they chanted “Ten Thousand Years!”. She was grinning ear-to-ear and in watching her grinning, I missed the part where she stomped over to me, grabbed me by the off-arm, started dragging me, and dragged me down the fifteen stairs.  _ Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud.  _

The engines fired up on both tank and artillery truck -they were behind us- and drove out towards the east. Ju-Long and some of his men galloped over to us and our nameless ranks of Imperial Guard. As Toph pillared herself onto Lord Qiangyang, He asked “Your Majesties, orders are still to charge and press through?” while stirring his ostrich horse to a stop. “That’s right.” “And Your Majesties…” he trailed, only to be cut off by Toph. “Kyoshi can go join you if he wants. But I’m taking my  _ favorite  _ little badgermole.” then her voice became a bit more girly and “aren’t you my favorite little badgermole, Qiang?” and she rubbed his forehead, making him give off a quiet croon while smashing his right palm into the grass. So Ju-Long looked at me, head-bowing, and asked “Your Majesty, would you care to join us?” which then spurred me to turn to Suki and not-chief-engineer Satoru. “I’m with you, now and until the end” from Suki,  _ did I ever tell you how much I like you? You're literally the best, except for Toph of course, but you get second place.  _ And as for Satoru? “I don’t have much experience with ostrich horses, Your Majesty.” He rubbed the back of his head, as if the mention of beasts of burden made the engineer sweat profusely. At the mere inquiry of an ostrich horse, four blue-armored ostrich horses were dragged out of the nearby stone structure compound used as last night’s sleeping quarters. Correction, the one adjacent to it. “Captain Suki, stay here with the engineer. Join the main force.” then I turned from west to east and ordered “Ju-Long, I’ll take the vanguard...with you.” He hit his chest and laughed. “I see how it is, Your Majesty might want a spear.” “But…” Suki protested. I pointed at her “I’m ordering you” and she frowned. “Is it my fault, Your Majesty?” the engineer asked. Toph, having listened to all this, interjected “No, it’s not your fault, Satoru, you’re just not as good at killing people like Kyoshi is!” I bowed my head to her. “Thank you, Your Majesty.” “No problem, Kyoshi, now,  _ do that thing you’re good at _ !” and she pointed where Lord Qiangyang’s snout was pointing...to the south.  _ Right _ . 

I was taking twenty four hundred men, for the Sunan Riders are subdivided into groups of one hundred and twenty, with two Lieutenants to each group of one hundred and twenty. These groups were led by a Captain. There was a chain of command, something like four Captains to a Major, but I wasn’t paying attention at the time. All that mattered was I only had to issue commands to two officers as opposed to a whole blob. Instead of being smart, I was grabbing a spear. “Leave some men left for us to  _ smash, _ ” Toph remarked, bringed a closed fist down upon her palm. My spear went into its thanks-for-donating-one scabbard, my bow into its specialized scabbard on the other side of my saddle. A quiver with some thirty to forty arrows hung on the ostrich horse’s side. Another quiver, probably with twenty, hung on my back. Finally, my  _ jian  _ sat in its scabbard on my Imperial Armor-wearing person. “Onwards!” I shouted, stirring my ostrich horse forward. I passed the platform and passing lines of this...horde...pointed their spears upwards to form a kind of roof to which I rode under. As I reached the front of the mass, Ju-Long and two others right on his tail, he shouted the orders “Form up! Form up!” After reaching the very front of what was to become the vanguard, Ju-Long rode to my side and waited for the signal.  _ Inhale. Exhale. No sleep until Zhujawan _ ,  _ at least.  _ I gave the signal command; a shout of “Riders, let’s go!” 

I snapped my ostrich horse’s reins and trotted forward. The tanks were off on our flanks, or perhaps behind us. Spirits only know where, when, or how the artillery would play a part in a lightning offensive, but they would. And if they didn’t, then we’d learn a lesson about lightning offensives. We made for the faint signs of a dust cloud, somewhere up ahead on the horizon. As twenty hundred some ostrich horses trotted forward, the men behind us -we were at the literal front- began singing. Singing while on the mount.

  
  


_ Hey soldier, rider from Sunan! _

_ You're our joy and you're our pride! _

_ He can loose shafts while on the fly! _

_ Arrows whoosh by as he rides! _

We rode forward, the men repeating this small section of some war song they like singing, for maybe two  _ dian  _ while that dust cloud settled. The steppe country, for knowledge’s sake, is almost if not completely devoid of any trees or of any landmarks to distinguish where we were. Far to the left, hills would adjust slightly, but that wasn’t a help as a hill would only be replaced by another hill. No landmarks and the great river to our left -north- was too far away to use.

As we neared the settling dust cloud, faint silhouettes of...objects appeared in the distance. Ju-Long, who was riding to my right, held up his hand and shouted “infantry, spotted!” and slowed his trot down to a simple walking gait. “Are they friend or foe?” I asked, varying my look between him and whoever we were approaching. “I don’t know.” He turned his head around and ordered “Halt the column. We wait for our scouts to return.” So we halted the column. And we waited a few  _ fen _ . The silhouettes were too distant to be visible.  _ If only we had those Colonial-model telescopes. Which...were left behind at the monorail. That’s helpful. Good _ . For the next few  _ fen _ , the men stayed mostly silent and the steppe turned almost silent. Eerily so.  _ Something’s to our east, our there _ .

Then, from the right, the direction of the desert, four ostrich horses approached. Two bearing standards, one the white-and-dark green bellflower pennant of the Sunan Riders, one the iconic green-and-gold earth coin pennant of the Imperial Army. I backed up,  _ just in case _ , but the riders halted and raised their hands to bow. “Commander,  _ daofei  _ lie ahead.” the man with the only beard of the four spoke and pointed ahead of us at the silhouettes. Ju-Long took a few steps forward, brought his mount to a halt, and asked “what are they armed with? Are they prepared for battle?” The bearded man nodded, “I believe they’ve spotted our force, and are preparing a defensive line.” This spurred a newfound fire in Ju-Long’s voice. “Then let’s hit ‘em before they can!” and the four scouts nodded before riding off to a flank. He turned around, faced the vanguard and shouted “Sunan Riders!” and they collectively punched the air, whooping. He gave the following order with enough vigor to spit all over the grassy steppe “Draw bows!” I followed through with his order, drawing mine. Then he turned back towards the enemies and began a slow trot, his trident halberd Sky Piercer proudly waving and reflecting light off it. The rest of us started into gaits as well. 

As the line of silhouettes neared, they became individuals. Men mostly in yellows and browns. Some had headbands, some wore turbans, some were dressed like sandbenders. Some weren’t even men, they were women. They were armed with a wide assortment of weapons. Spears of half a dozen different lengths, from ones shorter than their wielders -who happened to be mostly short persons- up to spears that were probably pikes stolen from the Imperial Army. _ Jis _ could also be seen amidst the sea of pitchforks. I called out to the Commander “Commander, I’m not sure riding into a spearwall is a good idea!” “We’re not! Follow my lead! It’ll be as we discussed!” he replied. Earlier, at the war meeting, he mentioned feints and ‘tactics designed for countering lines of spears’. Likewise, one of his officers, a man named Tugan, mentioned that spear-lines tend to be weaker than officers think they are. Having fought with walls of spears in front of me, I can confirm that Tugan is correct. Spears don’t mean anything. It’s the morale and training of the troops wielding them. As we neared, the Commander blared “Spread out! Form lines two squadrons deep!” Horns sounded and our flanks suddenly grew wide as our center grew thin. We must’ve spread out from four squadrons wide, five deep, to ten squadrons wide, two deep. 

It was when we were no more than two hundred paces out from them, close enough I could see their topknots, close enough for them to see my eyepatch, that Ju-Long shouted “Territorial Cranefish!” and immediately thereafter nocked an arrow while spurring his ostrich horse to turn around.  _ That’s what he means _ . I took slightly too long to turn around and as a result had “Loose at will!”, a flurry of arrows  _ whoosh  _ past or over me me.  _ Well that...that was unexpected _ . I thought as my heart skipped a beat. The arrows fell upon the enemy line over the course of three or four  _ miao.  _ Moments. Men and women were struck in the chest, in the head, in the feet, and everywhere in between. Every other soldier fell to this volley. And  _ that  _ was when it - ‘Spear lines aren’t that strong’ - made sense.  _ Spear lines aren’t that strong because we have mounted archers _ . I turned my ostrich horse around just in time for Ju-Long to turn his  _ back  _ around. A man to his left took an arrow to the head of his ostrich horse.  _ They’re countering _ .  _ They’re countering with their own archers _ . I spun my ostrich horse back around and followed Ju-Long as he twirled his spear above his head. 

_ Nock.  _ The enemy line was backing up, slowly. _ Draw.  _ A whole line of bodies coated the ground, a hundred, some squirming, some still. I couldn’t feel pity for the men and women who opted to stand there and face down a horde. With their faces.  _ Aim _ . I picked out one woman, her sand-colored turban distinctively eye-able. “Territorial!” Ju-Long’s distinctive voice shouted.  _ Twing _ . As I released the arrow, my feet got the mount to turn right. Another wave of arrows crashed against the defenses of the enemy line. Chests, legs, heads. Mine hid that turban-head in the chest. I just made out the woman grabbing the arrow shaft before crumpling forward.  _ Poor, poor daofei, trying to wrestle with an arrow and losing _ . Ju-Long spun his beast around on a copper-piece and I managed to join him. This time, he snapped his mount’s reins and trotted, quickly, towards the enemies. He brought the point of the polearm down, shouted “Release!”, and yet another flurry of arrows were loosed.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ a man in a brown vest of sorts, the right arm of the piece was tattered,  _ twing _ . I hit him in the head. The enemy line was backing up, some man dressed as a sandbender was running back and forth in front of the line, shouting commands.  _ Nock.  _ The line grabbed their spears with both hands and lowered them, pointing them at us.  _ Draw _ . But  _ some  _ of those men weren’t wielding spears.  _ Aim _ . They were wielding...javelins?  _ Walking staffs _ ? Thin shafted sticks with no speartips. Ju-Long brought his glinting weapon down and yelled “Release!”. Another flurry of arrows, taking three to four  _ miao  _ at most, but a few paces crossed, was all it took. Now I could watch, closely, as the arrows struck the lead line, hitting unarmored soldiers in their chests and torsos and sometimes heads, while other arrows passed between heads and struck those behind them. The enemy formation, however large it was, was losing dozens of men and women with each volley. And even if they’re incapacitated, they dropped their spears and -at best for them, fall backwards and get helped through the line; at worst for them, fall down into their fellowmen- and a rank of new  _ daofei  _ take to filling their place. All the more chaos. Assuming, of course, the  _ daofei  _ didn’t break their line and start fleeing. Because after a few of our volleys, it certainly seemed like some of them were in the process of doing just that.

We were probably fifty paces out when I opted to put my bow in my scabbard, and coincidentally, Ju-Long shouted “Spears! Territorial Spears!” and his slow trot sped into a gallop. I hastily looked to my left -it’s easier than looking to my right due to possessing an eye in my left eye socket and a small metal fake one in my right- and noticed men, almost instantaneously, either putting their bows into their scabbards or tossing them over their backs, before pulling their spears out and holding them in one hand. I couched my spear as they couched theirs. “Sunan Riders!” Ju-Long shouted. A great howl went out from the center of the advancing riders and towards the wings. A few horns were blown. We were a thin line but the enemy didn’t know that. The enemy line, seeing a front line of some six hundred men charging at them, howling at them, after just hitting them with volleys of arrows...that was enough for them. Men and women dropped their spears. Some ducked and covered their heads as if by instinct. Others turned around and tried running through their fellows to retreat. Some shoved their fellows out of the way. “We’re going to swamp them!” I shouted, proud. Ju-Long had a far more noble cry to give. “Aaaaoooh!” The rest of the Riders repeated a similar howling, bloodcurdling, cry. We neared, and neared. Then we hit.

It’s impossible to accurately describe what hundreds of riders coming down upon unbraced infantry is like. I’d imagine spears penetrated heads and chests from the left to the right. If they weren’t perfectly accurate, they might tear an arm off. The lucky ones could’ve gone for throats. And worst of all, at least for the defenders, experienced riders can stab a passing defender and hold on to their spear. I for one, am not as experienced. My spear hit a leather-helmeted woman in the back of her head and the tip snapped off, leaving the spear-end in her and the shaft-half in my hand. As the enemy formation had shattered, our ostrich horses weren’t forced to stop. The best way to describe our post-charge is as follows. A story of one young auburn-haired man, his lovely cousin, and a dam. Also, it’s a great memory of mine.

Back home on Kyoshi Island, there existed a few streams that flowed down from the various peaks, working their way down through the forests via streambeds. At multiple points along each stream there exist waterfalls due to the steepness of the ground being too much for a stream to wind through. It was at one of these points at which a young Suki and I used to frequent on our many, many, hiking trips after -or during, in some cases- classes. We used to call this specific waterfall “Suki Falls” because the young Kyoshi Warrior-in-training was -at the age of six- exactly as tall as the waterfall. Also because Suki used to climb to the top of the short waterfall and jump off it, landing in the piles of withering spruce leaves that were shed from the surrounding trees. As such, it was the place where Suki fell.  _ I know, I know, how clever of me. Yes, I’m the one who named it _ . I mean, I also climbed up and jumped off but I wasn’t and still aren’t important enough to get a four foot waterfall named after me. 

_ ‘What are you doing?’ Suki asked while walking over to me. ‘I’m damming the waterfall.’ I said, while putting a set of rocks in the smaller -barely one hand high- waterfall that drained into the pond which then drained into Suki Falls. ‘That’s really stupid, water doesn’t work like that’ she explained, hands-on-hips. ‘What are you going to do? Stop me from trying?’ I asked her, looking up at the young warrior dressed in a blue kimono-tunic. ‘Oh, you can try. And you’ll fail,’ she said in a challenging tone that only a ten year old girl could possibly pull off. ‘I’m going to go meditate’ she declared, assertively. Then she went off and did just that nearby. Instead of giving up, I kept trying, adding more rocks as per needed. The sun, first partly covered by the canopy of spruces, lowered to the point that it shone through the trucks. As it slowly setted behind the mountains on the opposite side of the island, I stood up and yelled ‘Success!’ _

_ What I did was simple. There was this tree root which crossed from one side of the small waterfall edge to the other. So I piled up rocks beneath it. But the current was still strong enough to flow over the rocks and under the root. So I found some large rocks -relatively large, small enough to fit in two hands of ten year old men- and got to work building a small ramp of dirt and gravel and even leaves. Whatever stuck stuck. Eventually, I had done it. With a combination of rocks placed such that they all overlapped, along with dirt that was forced into spaces where the water flowed through and backed up with flat rocks so the water didn’t press the dirt away, I had forced the water to now have to climb over the tree root. Now, after I yelled that, she went ‘huh?’ then screamed because ‘Why are my legs submerged?’ because, as it turned out, she was sitting in water. Her legs were sopping wet. _

_ The water level rose to the point that where she was meditating -I mean sleeping, she had fallen asleep- earlier, dry land coated with spruce leaves, was now part of the pond. As that part of the dry land was just slightly below the tree root even if it was off to the side, the water, in an attempt to get through, rose to it. The pond barrier was now half a great spruce tree’s roots, half slightly steeper forestbed. It looked like it had naturally formed, but it didn’t. Suki was furious and grabbed me by the hair. ‘Do you know what father’s going to do to us?’ ‘For once, not get annoyed at me?’ I replied, partly sounding innocent and partly like a total goof. ‘He’s going to be really annoyed that I got my clothes wet. And no, I won’t get sick, though you’ll hear him tell us that I will.’ and she stood up and walked over to a nice and dry piece of land and started practicing some katas. ‘My clothes aren’t wet, he can’t blame me’ I countered, since for once I didn’t stumble myself into something stupid. She paused her kata punch and gave me this look. This...look. I knew what that look meant. Let it be said, I was the one to volunteer for her sake. _

_ I returned to Oyaji wearing soaked-to-the-bone, courtesy snowmelt, pants. And she returned wearing nice and warm pants, their warmth fueled by all my exerted chi or...something like that. I didn’t want Oyaji to be annoyed at her, as it wasn’t her fault she was sitting in something that would become a pond. It was my responsibility and I’d gladly take the blame. So I returned to our house and got a stiff talking-to about building dams while part of me ended up submerged in the water. That said, after explaining my progress, ‘I rerouted the stream’, and Suki vouching for ‘seeing the finished dam’, he stated ‘my advice still sticks, don’t dam a stream if it’ll get you chilled and cold, don’t do something if the consequences aren’t worth it...but I’m proud of you for trying’ and he gave me a nice hair-rub. Then he pointed at the room the two of us shared -since Sai doesn’t share- and said ‘Now go to bed.’  _

_ I had learned that day that water will always find a way to flow through at the lowest point. And the water will, will, will, find a way to flow through. Maybe it’ll subsume the defenses, maybe it’ll flow around. Only if it cannot possible do either will it rise until it can flow over. And if there're ten rocks in the way then the water may flow through any of a dozen different points depending on if any overlap.  _

Just as the water flowed through those rocks, our riders flowed through the enemy line. And if six hundred riders are charged a defensive line of a thousand -assuming it was even a thousand wide, probably more like three hundred at most- then that’s almost six hundred different points that riders are flowing through. There was no stopping that onslaught. A defender could raise his stick, if he wasn’t busy routing, but someone else from his other side would probably strike him down. We were in no rush to go through the force, though I personally was and did. Men and women were cut down by spears and  _ daos  _ to either side of me. I drew my blade with my sword-hand, as my spear-shaft was couched in my off-hand, and struck a gash in a brown-haired man’s head with a swing to my left. Then I leaned over to my right and while a spear-wielder was trying to jut his spear into my companion, I sliced him in the back of the neck, just above the collarbone. My ostrich horse managed to naturally dodge all these fleeing men and women and made its way to the other side of the mass. I looked back over at Ju-Long. He swung his trident halbert out  _ wide _ , holding the six-footer with one hand and yet able to slice people’s heads. He grabbed one spear-wielder’s stick with one of the halberd blades, pulling it out of his hands before thrusting forward and stabbing the poor, poor, _ daofei _ who’s probably raided many homes, in the chest. On the other side of the mass, I was joined by many others. Some had even swapped to -or never sheathed- their bows and were releasing arrows at one pace range into our foes. This band of  _ daofei  _ was utterly smashed but as more and more of us poured through to the other side, Ju-Long yelled from in close, “Regroup!” and we turned around and ran back  _ through  _ the quickly dwindling number of men to the other side.  _ Slice _ . I cut a man’s head open as I rode by. We formed a rough blob of riders as we pulled back. But that didn’t stop some of us. A man to my left, his head of black hair flowed like an ostrich horse’s mane, drew his bow and managed to turn all the way around, as his left hand drew the bow and his right hand held the drawstring, and loosed an arrow into one of the fleeing  _ daofei _ , a man dressed as an Imperial Army soldier except without his standard issue conical hat. Others were doing the same. Individual ‘Territorial Cranefish’es, loosing arrows in one direction while riding in the opposite one. I for my part didn’t do that since I’m not a trained Sunan Rider. I just sliced people’s heads open and arms off. I think I got five,  _ ten? _ , slicing opportunities with my blade. Correction, I got dozens of opportunities because a mount doesn’t stop, which meant I could only take advantage of a small number of them. We came to a halt some hundred paces out and turned around. The  _ daofei  _ were fleeing east. The first skirmish had been won. 

I tensely -battle senses- asked the Commander “I thought we were going to do a lightning-strike attack?” “We are, Your Majesty, but first we regroup.” At the same time, men to either side of us formed back into their customary lines. “And second, we dispatch-” and he turned to the southern -or, our right- flank of our formation “-scouts!”. Again, four riders peeled off and rode over to us. He pointed at them while they bowed. “Keep going east until you reach something, then turn around and find us. We’ll be heading east, you should be able to find us by our dust cloud.” and the four soldiers had some chuckles to share before bowing and riding off. “And third…” he spun his polearm around until the head neared his, to which he cleaned the tips off with a small cloth before then pointing it at the fleeing ‘mass’ that was more like a hundred or so people running away, “we collect what we need” and he rode over to the field of bodies with a gallop. There, “anyone who has lost a spear, find one! Any supplies, grab ‘em!” and some men dismounted to grab weapons.  _ I...but...looting is...we don’t loot, right?  _ “Commander, isn’t looting criminal?” “Your Majesty, aren’t they deserters? Don’t we need weapons?” and I couldn’t argue his points. I might not have been in the best of senses. I did just ride through a large enemy battleline, twice, and had blood on one hand and on my  _ jian _ ’s blade. And, Ju-Long was right. I  _ did  _ need a new spear. 

I dismounted and found a spear slightly shorter than the one I was using, now with a much longer tip,  _ for armor piercing? _ , and also found a small pennant. A fallen pennant amidst this sea of fallen bodies. A earth coin sat on the pennant, the gold replaced by grey and the green replaced by sandy-yellow with ‘Sha Hai’ written above the coin. I pocketed this pennant, grabbed some arrows from a fallen quiver-user, and remounted. I also cleaned my blade off. Others restocked their quivers, too.“And fourth” he declared, addressing me, “We ride east!” he shouted, pointing his cleaned weapon at what was once an army and was now a small dust cloud. And so we stirred our mounts and rode east. The tanks that had joined us were not far behind and retained a safe few  _ fen  _ distance to allow them to not get caught up in the middle of a ten thousand strong continent of riders. A good idea, all in all, it means they’ll still be able to flank should the need arise. 

We rode east for many  _ dian _ , perhaps half a  _ geng _ . As close as we were to the desert, these were not the lands of the Si Wong. This steppeland is the home of these Riders. Each one grew up traversing it on ostrich horseback. Each one has fought many skirmishes against  _ daofei  _ and raiding sandbenders alike on these lands. From even before they could walk, they learned to ride. The Sunan Riders are but a militarized contingent of the native steppe peoples who inhabit vast, less arable, lands of the Empire. While there are towns scattered about, almost all of them hugging the main river. The Riders, herdsmen by birth and life, live in temporary earth shelters. Their wives and sisters tend to flocks of pig-sheep which join the horde as it travels about, looking for new grasslands to be a part of. The Sunan Riders are not part of this horde for this is a militarized ‘standardized’ ‘unit’ as opposed to a generic horde. 

Long ago, the tribes of Sunan, Suxu and Caijiahe, among others, warred over pasturelands for their flocks due to the land being so desolate that it only rains during the winter months, the ‘rainy’ season. At some point before the time of Kyoshi, a legendary figure named Lord Ma; his ostrich horse so fast could outrun its own shadow, his hair undone and flowing like a mane, and his hands bearing a halberd forged from end to end of meteorite, unified the tribes in a grand war of conquest. The legends say ruled an empire from sea to sea. They also say he hand four hundred legitimized children. Not long after he died, the ‘Empire of the Steppes’ shattered into a hundred pieces. However, the lands crushed between the Feicui Sea and the Si Wong retained their unity. That is why, despite being called the Sunan Riders, they are in fact a combination of the various local tribes, the biggest of which is the Sunan. Not every male joins the Sunan Riders, as this organization was specifically created with the intent of fighting the Fire Nation and the desert-dwellers. Any who are affiliated with the Sunan Riders, whether combatants or their families, are loyal citizens of the Empire. They protect Imperial towns, they protect local caravans, and of course, they were fanatically supportive of riding north to meet Her Imperial Majesty. As for this Ma guy...we don’t know if this man did or did not exist. Everyone’s got a personal statue of him and much of the population out here claims to have or has the surname of Ma, some even affiliated with mounted combat. Almost everyone in this contingent claim to have his blood in them. The truth’s out there, somewhere. This is what I spent my time doing. Talking. Learning things. Because I never know when some piece of information, especially when it concerns an entire ethnic group, could be important to know. 

As the shadows grew long, the ground and far hills alike being cast in an orange hue, those four riders returned from our east. The entire force slowed to a casual gait before stopping at the behest of the Commander. “ _ Daofei  _ encampment, straight ahead. No walls. Field of stone tents and campfires.” the ‘head’ of the scouts huffed. “Did they see us coming?” the Commander asked, looking ahead. “No,” the scout replied. The Commander turned around and “then we’re going in for the attack!” he exclaimed. The men didn’t cheer, since this was still a surprise attack.  _ I guess one man shouting won’t get us spotted?  _ “Get me the tanks” he ordered his officers. They dispatched men who rode through the columns and out the rear. Just as we thought, not five  _ fen  _ later, the sounds of engines grinding overtook even my own thoughts. The tanks rolled up to the front, the orange sun at their backs. 

The top hatches popped open and the men looked over at myself and the Commander. He ran up and down the tank line, repeating “I want you all to flank south and encircle them.” The men dressed as tankists with those small leather caps all nodded. One yelled orders while the Commander resumed his position at our side. He ordered “Riders, with me!”, his officers repeated the command. He lowered his polearm so that the halberd-head pointed towards the enemy and snapped his mount forward. “Spears?” I asked him, giving chase. “They’re free to choose as they wish,” he responded. “Tell the officers the men are free to choose what they want!” the Commander ordered. The officers repeated the orders. And like that our small horde rode out and towards where the enemy position was suspected to be.

It was only half a _dian_ later, at most, that we spotted the encampment. Rock tents spread out across the field, surrounding a small two story building, a permanent building. It looked to be a watchtower with the stilted lower story and the opened half of the top story. Our tanks kicked up a dust cloud behind us, turning the sun red and giving us a giant ‘hello we’re over here’ signal for any perceptive individuals. They drove off towards the south and judging by the dust cloud, were in the process of swerving around the southern side of the camp just as Ju-Long raised his blade and brought the force to a halt. He turned his head and addressed the line that directly followed the two of us, his officers. “I want twelve hundred in the middle, we’re going to punch right through them. Six hundred to the flanks, thin lines! Flank around and crush!” The men raised their hands to bow before each kicked his ostrich horse in a different direction, left, right, or just straight back into the formation. The hundreds of men regrouped and upon confirmation by the officers, he turned back towards the camp and pointed his halberd blade forward. 

For the first two or three  _ fen _ , we slowly trotted towards them. To our left and right, the ostrich horse groups were forming into thin wide-spanning wings, again lines no more than two men deep. Some men opted for their bows, putting three or four arrows in their bow hand. Some opted for spears. I took out my bow, since spears aren't really my thing and bows are. As we neared, someone inside that encampment rang a gong repeatedly.  _ Gong. Gong. Gong. Gong _ . Said encampment was now growing in visible width to end up encompassing everything in front of us. Upon hearing the gong, the Commander turned his head as if to look back at  _ something _ , then turn back ahead, pull his horn from the waist, and give it a strong blast. With a single horn blast, the horde suddenly broke into a full gallop. I saw some of the  _ daofei  _ on the periphery looking at us. Except they didn’t grab their spears, nor did they seem to be able to react. They were covering their eyes.  _ The sun’s behind us. That’s why. Genius you, Ju-Long _ .  _ Nock. Draw.  _ “Charge! Ten Thousand Years!” screamed the gruff voice of Ju-Long.  _ Aim _ . A  _ daofei  _ directly in front and slightly left of my ostrich horse’s head. The horde chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” while more war horns around us sounded off.  _ Twing _ . This  _ daofei  _ took my arrow to the chest. We were getting too close for another arrow. I threw my bow over my back and drew my blade.  _ Gong. Gong. Gong. Gong.  _ The gong’s cry came ringing again. And then our charge crashed.

I was separated from Ju-Long by a row of earth tents, I went left while he went right.  _ Daofei  _ dressed in yellows and browns tried raising axes and spears against us. I had to slow down because these men and women were stumbling out of the tents. I cut one spearman down, he couldn’t block due to the sun. Others in my group pressed forward. Spears lanced heads. Blades swung at chests. Bows  _ twinged  _ arrows into unsuspecting unarmored foes.  _ Daofei  _ fell left right and center. I worked my way to the middle of the encampment after cutting down another five. Three looked like standard peasants, one had small braided hair and wore a brown headband, one was dressed like a sandbender. Ju-Long, as well, found himself in the middle of the encampment. At the foot of the two-story tower, it  _ is  _ a watchtower, we met again. “I got seven” and then he turned and thrust his blade into an idiotic  _ daofei  _ with a knife, “sorry, eight.” and he laughed. “Seven” I replied. Then I hopped off my ostrich horse and ran inside the tower,  _ jian _ in hand. Ju-Long gave chase and some of his retinue followed him. 

I climbed up a small staircase before coming upon the second-story. A band of sandbender-dressed young people turned to look at me while I stood in one of the four corners. One of them wasn’t wearing his headwrap. I brought my blade up to the side of my head,  _ Hasso _ , and waited. The three armed with spears lowered them to point at me, as if trying to hem me in. I waited. They hesitated, surprised, before all three came in with thrusts. I parried the one on the right and used the opening to run within their spear range. So now they poked at the air. One quick  _ Hasso _ followed by a down slice and the rightmost man was down, neck and chest opened with the blade. The other two withdrew their spears to try and stab me. Instead, I went into  _ Chudan _ and parried the nearer of the two before grabbing it with my offhand and -since the  _ jian  _ can be single or dual handed- jutting my blade into the man’s throat.  _ And that’s why I like the jian. Light, versatile, can stab and slice. _ As for the last man, he tried stabbing at me but I side-stepped him, brought my blade back to  _ Hasso _ , and diagonally sliced him, I turned to face the rest, this officer-looking fellow and his bodyguards who had left to retrieve a weapon and returned with said weapons. Sadly for them, the bodyguard on his left took a halberd tip to the back of the neck,  _ pulling  _ the poor  _ daofei _ -sandbender back towards the aggressor. The other bodyguard and the officer summoned  _ sand _ , no kidding, they’re sandbenders, and tried smacking the two of us with the stuff. The thing is, I don’t know if they know this or not, but sandbending is like earthbending. When standing in a two-story  _ wooden  _ watchtower, it’s not that useful. I took a sand whip to the hand, which hurts much less than it sounds because they didn’t turn it into a spike. Ju-Long pulled the officer’s leg out from under him while I lunged forward and impaled the bodyguard with a blade. Through the cheek.  _ Sorry about that, my lady _ . Ju-Long just missed getting the final kill as I took both my hands on my blade’s hilt and buried it in the officer’s chest. “The Empire will never parley with  _ daofei. _ ” is what I said...to a room that was once full of  _ daofei _ .  _ Really...use the one-liner before, not after?  _

I looked out from the other side of the tower and towards the east. The sky was darkening. But I could still make out the rough figures of a small column of tanks driving north, successfully encircling the encampment. Men fleeing on foot, as scattered as dust into the wind, were being blown to shreds by tank-launched stone shells. I watched one woman, or maybe man, it was hard to tell, receive a stone shell to the chest, sending them flying backwards. Another was cut in half. Another lost his head. Ju-Long’s bodyguards arrived and brought flags to fly from this tower with them. I looked west and watched the hazy red sun sink into the horizon. Somewhere out there, a massive dust-cloud marked the rest of the army being on the move. Shortly after turning away, “Your Majesty, I’m prepared to move out, should that be Your Majesty’s goal” the gravelly voiced Commander sounded much more...ettiquited compared to the ‘fun’ madman from earlier. “I think we should set up camp here. Use the tents we have.” then I walked over to look down at the cheering soldiers who were tearing sandbender flags from their spears and looting bodies for arrows and other such provisions. “Can you dispatch scouts east and south?” “Already done, Your Majesty.” and he bowed. 

I had dinner in this watchtower. That first moment I got my hands on a flask of water...I gulped the entire flask down at once. It tasted delicious, especially after I sweated through my Imperial Armor.  _ Oh, after a day of riding, water...water’s the best. _ Ju-Long and I spent our dinners discussing plans. This wasn’t the enemy leader Rong’s stronghold. The question was...where was it? If he was ordering around  _ daofei _ there was no way he was leading them into the Si Wong. It was unlikely he had  _ more  _ of these big encampments. We concluded that tomorrow, we’d ride  _ south _ . Since as it turns out, we actually crossed almost all of Caijiahe in one day. And looking to the east, a few twinkling lights had changed their positions.  _ Ships? _ And to our east-southeast, a row of faint lights that belonged to the port town of Caijiahe. I must not have noticed, during the whole day’s ride, that we were going east-southeast instead of just east. How? We didn’t follow the Caijiahe road, we cut a straight line east. Ju-Long punched the air and cheered, because “Tomorrow, we’ll easily make the Sunan border. If we ride hard and fast, we’ll make the Suxu border. Within three days, we’ll be in the town of Minquan!”  _ Minquan _ . Minquan reminded me of...past experiences. “Wait...but Minquan is full of crazy moon people” I replied to him. “Do they defy the Badgermole Throne?” his much more serious voice asked. “That they do, I’m afraid.” I honestly replied. “Then I found a new town to put to the halberd” he grinned.  _ No, no, there’s no point.  _ I counter-stated “Wait...let’s deal with Rong first” while raising my hands to try and calm his excitement down. “As Your Majesty wishes” and he bowed. Then I finished dinner, soldier’s portions of ostrich horse meat, and went off to sleep. 

I was awoken by my chest being smashed by someone’s hand. Which made me get up, as such actions would, and toss whoever my opponent was off me. Except this opponent yelled “This is what I get for staying behind?” and rooted herself in her earth and easily broke whatever measly defense I tried to put up. I opened my good eye. “Wait...Toph?” I asked like this was some kind of weird dream. “Who else? Sugar Queen?” she sarcastically retorted, and I heard a loud thud as a result of her letting herself fall back-first onto the ground,  _ and my chest. Ow _ . “How was  _ your  _ day?” I asked while the usual feeling of someone choosing me to be a pillow occured. “Qiang and I tracked down a bunch of people who didn’t like us and I tossed a couple boulders at them. And Qiang ate one of them, I think.” and she proceeded to scratch her  _ ear _ . I think. I couldn’t see much of anything, it was dark. I was just taking guesses.

I awoke on the  _ finest  _ of dirt with the person using me as a pillow already up and putting on her clothes. She turend the earth tent into a small earth circle wall, letting light in, which let me see her. “Did...I sleep in my Imperial Armor?” I stupidly wondered the question that was already a ‘yes’. “It’s quite comfy to rest on, to be honest” she replied from the other side of a nonexistent privacy wall where she was putting on her wrestler outfit after having already done her hair into a bun.  _ Why thank you...wait...is that sarcasm? Is it? Or...no...the sarcasm levels are getting too self-referential. They’re getting too sarcastic for their own good.  _ I got up and leaned over to put my scabbard on and...my hair fell in front of my good eye.  _ Of… course _ . “Toph...what happened to my hair?” I said, part way between annoyed,  _ I spent far too long on that _ , and happy,  _ I’m glad you got a good sleep, Toph _ . She turned to me, a courtesy, and casually went “Oh, this evil hair Spirit showed up and undid all your hair. As for why it’s got my sweat in it...the evil hair Spirit went and stole  _ my  _ sweat and smeared it all over your hair. Not my problem” and she did up the last clasp on her wrestler outfit, gave the ground a good spittin’, and headbutted the wall into being not a wall.  _ Right, right, of course. Who was I to argue? I’ll...just not be doing my hair today then. Okay then. _ So I put on my scabbard and helmet and wondered what queueless helmet hair would be like. And also hoped I wouldn’t care enough to wonder by the end of the day.

“Your Majesties!” Ju-Long greeted us with a shout and a hands-raised bow while the two of us marched up to the watchtower. I think he said“Wonderful news!” while his bodyguards bowed and yelled “Ten Thousand Years.” Their yelling made hearing him hard. Toph agreed, if the following line was the truth: “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you over how awesome I am.” Now, Her Imperial Majesty  _ is  _ awesome, which means the line is the truth _. _ Then he elaborated himself. “The scouts say Chief Rong’s base is just to our south, in northern Sunan.” I didn’t know whether to cheer or be quiet, so I chose to be quiet. But Her Imperial Majesty cheered. “Woohoo! People to punch!” and she punched the air in front of her like she was in a hand-to-hand fight. “The scouts say Rong chased the Imperial Army out of this military base.” and again, Her Imperial Majesty cheered. “Let’s go!” she jumped up and down, thankfully not destroying this entire tower, hint,  _ probably because it’s made of wood _ . “What are its specifics?” I asked, since unlike Her Imperial Majesty I sometimes like knowing what I’m walking into. “It’s a military base. Got a big stone wall around it. An airfield on one side, barracks, training grounds and storage facilities on the other, Your Majesty.” “What’s our plan of attack?” I counter-asked while I felt my arm being tugged on by an Empress. And tugged. He gave his thoughts. “Riders will circle it, tanks will punch a hole in it. Riders pour in.” And my arm was tugged again.

Then out of literally nowhere, probably coming in from a completely different scene where he was enjoying looking at designs in his tents, the engineer Satoru. “What about my ‘Wailin’ Yalings’, Your Majesty?” he asked, his voice suggesting pleading but I don’t think Satoru is the pleading type. I turned to him and asked “Where did you come from?” He smiled and “my tent, Your Majesty.” I didn’t need to know any further, he was doing something engineering related, I was sure. Toph...did need to know, apparently. “How intense was it? Did you _rock_ Captain Kyoshi? I felt those-” _oh no you don’t, Your Majesty. No. Nope. I’m going to cover your mouth now._ _Also...what?_ But in doing that, Ju-Long pointed his blade at me, “no interrupting Her Imperial Majesty!” he shouted as his eyes squinted and locked on to me like a predator. I dropped my hand and took a hand to my shoulder. “Don’t worry, Commander. Kyoshi’s just got a weak stomach.” and she pressed me to the side, making me stumble. _I...sure. Let’s call it a weak stomach. Not...I don’t...what?_ I exited before having to hear the rest of that and found my way to Lord Qiangyang, who gave me a lick. “Do _you_ like listening to Her Imperial Majesty talk like that?” I asked him while rubbing his snout. He licked me and growled happily. _Of course you like it. Because you’re Lord Qiangyang._

When the Empress finally came back down to the rest of us, “Toph, you  _ do  _ realize you were talking to Satoru, not Sokka, right?” She shrugged. “Anything to play with your head, Kyoshi.” I tried and failed to roll my eye. “Next time, can you at least make it appropriate?” “It made you stumble, did it not?” I pointed at the sky in a dramatic pose. “Yeah! For a moment, I thought…” but she cut me off. “You just proved the fun of it” and she punched me in the shoulder.  _ I was going to say I thought my cousin had changed her relationship partner...but you’re Toph, you greatly enjoy messing with others for the sake of practical jokes. And you succeeded _ . I wasn’t going to hold it against her. For one, it’s illegal to deny that a joke of her’s is funny. For two, it’s illegal for the same reason as the first reason.

The Empress hopped on her mount while a platoon of Imperial Guards gathered around us. The plan, courtesy of Ju-Long and Satoru was that we’d drive up to the wall of this military base and shell it with the Wailing Yalings and regular artillery before plowing in with tanks and Riders. Satoru and Suki would follow us on ostrich horses, the engineer needed to be protected and he isn’t the most combat-inclined, while the Riders go on ahead to clear a forward position for us to shell them from. At the behest of one giddy -for eliminating enemies of the Empire- Empress, the Imperial Guard picked up the ground Lord Qiangyang was on -them included- and began moving the whole slab forward like some kind of monorail except on flat land. Each one contributed in these wide sweeping motions to create an earth wave to drive us forwards. Meanwhile, Riders poured out of the encampment and rode off to the south in a gigantic moving mass of spears and black manes. Also at the same time, tanks fired up and drove forward, some alone and some dragging artillery trucks along with them. This is because each Imperial Battle Tank can, easily, pull an artillery truck after it. Despite already being mobile, the former tracked vehicle is much faster than the latter. 

Only a few _geng_ -and one breakfast and ride of ‘ _Ow, do you need to play with my hair while we’re on a giant mythical animal I meant companion’_ - later, we came upon it. A large military base. Of course, all we saw were the walls and the towers. The Riders had formed up behind a specific ‘line’ in the ground. According to people with two good eyes and able to tell distance, the line was three thousand Consort’s feet out. The tanks pulled the artillery up to a safe distance, just behind the riders. And the Empress and I sat on our moving watchtower and she heard it and I watched it. The artillery lined up in two long rows. The Wailing Yalings were in their own special row just in front of the Riders and just behind the four rows of tanks. Satoru was excited to see his invention be used. “Can I give the order, Your Majesty?” he begged the two of us from below. “Go for it!” the Empress said, grinning. Then she leaned over to me and whispered “If those things misfire, you better tackle me outta here.” “I’m on it, Toph.” The single red-clothed goggle-clad figure rode through the rallying riders before vanishing somewhere near the Yalings.

Ever heard an entire field wail? Like, screaming wailing? Howling while scream-wailing? These trucks howled as dozens of projectiles launched off their racks. The tiny projectiles bore sun-bright trails of fire as they ascended into the sky before raining down on the military base.  _ Kaboom! Boom! More booms! _ The ground itself shook, repeatedly, as these tiny firework-sized explosives pummeled whatever poor  _ daofei  _ were inside. And it kept shaking until the payloads were depleted. And that’s when the artillery, proper, after a single horn blare and shout of “Launch!, launched. Shells flew over our heads, precisely aimed, before smashing themselves against the main wall. Some were explosive and added to the mayhem as they rained upon the gatehouse and buildings within the walls’ confines. 

Our men were cheering like lunatics and the tanks fired up their engines and began driving forward, launching their own shells at anyone stupid enough to stick their head out from behind those walls. I expected to watch us get another great victory from the safety of-  _ nope, interrupted by  _ the Empress’s shouts of “Load the Me!”.  _ Wait what?  _ Someone who sounded like Captain Wuhan yelled “Cease artillery!”.  _ Smart man _ . 

I jumped down there to find out, but instead was grabbed and told “Kyoshi, we’re going to take their headquarters. That’s the big building with like a million rooms right?” _Uh…_ I said “Sure,” confused where she was going with this. I couldn’t debate which building, she has seismic-sense. “Great!” she grinned while grabbing my arm. “Now, hold still.” _Wait what?_ “Tanks! Advance!” someone intelligent who sounded like Ju-Long shouted. I couldn’t be allowed to see that, though. No. She stomped the ground and suddenly the two of us were in a hole. No time for ‘wha-’s. We fell into a hole. A hole of her own choosing. She grabbed me with...a rock glove? The earth? As large tunneling sounds and the ground moving beneath me meant we were moving forward. We kept moving forward, her boring us onwards and me encased in stone. After a few _fen_ of the ground above us _shaking_ with explosions, she stopped. “Kyoshi, you good with a blade?” and she released me from the encased rock with a ground-tap. “I am” I smiled. Not that she’d see the smile. “Hold on, one Toph going” _stomp_ “up!” And the ground above us was bored out until it utterly shattered itself. We found ourselves at the bottom story of some building, somewhere.

“Hey, look over there!” a sandbender yelled. “What’s up, girls?” Toph replied, cracking her knuckles. “Wha-” but that sandbender took a rock pillar to the face. I charged a man holding a crossbow and stabbed him. Toph pulled a plate out to block some sand-strikes and sent the plate back at them.  _ Smash _ . Those men were turned into flat men. She punched one man’s boulder back at him,  _ goodbye, man’s head _ . She hit the ground with a double foot-stomp and our platform rose into a new story while she politely removed the ceiling for us. I barely had enough time to gain my bearings.  _ Oh good, a room full of people _ . I ran at another man, clad in browns and armed with a spear,  _ bye, neck _ . His head rolled right into someone being hammerfisted in the chest. With earth gauntlets.  _ Okay, that’s...Toph...that’s kind of extreme? No? Wait, who am I kidding, you live for this _ . I found another sandbender.  _ Slice _ . No more sandbender hands. Toph hit someone so hard he flew through the wall. She heel-tapped the ground and crushed someone’s head against the ceiling. Then she yelled “Kyoshi, we’re leaving!” and rock-glove grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the building through the wall that a man had just used and out on an  _ earth slide _ . “I’m taking this building down!” she yelled.  _ I...okay then _ . We slid down to the bottom and Toph turned to face the building itself. 

There were crossbowmen, two of them, and spearmen around us. “Toph! Crossbows!” I shouted. “Got it!” she hit the ground and made everything start shaking, knocking most of them off balance. Except the two crossbows, who were  _ sandbenders _ .  _ No _ . In a momentary panic, I did what I thought was right. I ran in front of Toph and tackled her out of the way of those two  _ thunk _ s. “What are you-” but she was interrupted by me tossing her to the ground. As such, the two  _ thunks  _ meant for her missed her. One of them struck me in the sword-arm.  _ Bolts are superior to Imperial Armor. That hurts _ . She tapped the ground twice and must’ve gotten it. This time, she sent an earth spike at both of the crossbowmen -they ate those spikes through their waists- while fissuring the ground to shake up the terrain. The  _ daofei  _ fell over and I got back up. I swapped hands,  _ ow, ow, ow _ , and ran at the first of the spearmen. I got him right in the throat with a passing slice. Another was getting up and got catapulted into the Feicui with an earth pillar from somewhere. Not somewhere, someone.

The rest of the spearmen were trying to get up. “I’m focusing here!” she yelled out from somewhere behind me. _A little more_. I charged a spearman, blocked, and shoved the _jian_ through his neck. The entire ground suddenly started vibrating, the _daofei_ and I both fell down. And I fell onto my sword-arm. _Ow. Ow. Ow._ I don’t know where that massive _smash_ came from, but I didn’t turn around to find out. “I’m fine!” was all Toph needed to say and my mind, _wrong part of me_ , suddenly kicked into adrenaline as that bolt dug itself further into my skin. I focused on another one of these spearmen and parried his miserable attempt at a strike with a stab of my own. There were loud _booms_ ahead of me, somewhere. Somewhere out there, the tanks were riding in. I kicked a new arrival crossbowman’s legs out from under him, his face meeting it’s end by my blade hilt. Another spearman was swallowed up by a sinkhole. He was just...swallowed up. He vanished with just his head poking out. Then the hole closed up and decapitated him. “What’s up girls?” that same Empress called out, taunting the spearmen who had managed to get up and were now grabbing their weapons. Then a boulder removed one of them from this form of reality. _I hope you remember I’m here, too_ , _Toph. Thanks_. I swung my blade around, scaring some of the spearmen off. Good for me one of them suddenly ate a boulder through the face. Then another did. Then another. And I had managed to stumble forward and shove my _jian_ into her chest. _Sorry for you, my lady, next time please don’t try and kill the Empress. Thanks_.

The spearmen eventually got me in a semicircle, because, no, they don’t attack one at a time, they attack as an uncoordinated mob that prefers formations. “How are you all doing, girls?” Toph continued, stomping the ground. The pain in my arm got kind of...let’s call it frustrating. And when I noticed _yet more crossbows_ , “Toph, defensive!” I shouted, parrying a spear thrust from three different wielders. Then an earth wall popped out of the ground in front of me, sending three of the men I was fighting flying into the sky and leaving two of them on my side and countless others on the other side. I backed up and right _into_ an Empress, who yelped “I’m walking here!” before bringing out the good old earth gauntlets and _caving in_ some poor _daofei_ ’s head. And by poor I mean he deserved it. The other tried to stab Toph, I grabbed his spear, and in a lunge that would make Suki proud, used my off-hand to go right into his chest. He didn’t understand what was happening, which was okay, because Toph made the bottom half of him vanish into the earth so all he could do was look up at us funnily. “Kyoshi? You up for round three?” she asked, I could practically smell her enthusiasm and her lovely grin only matched it. I looked at my arm and, _I’ll just pretend this isn’t here_ , “I am.” That was the truth. “Good.” and she kicked the wall down, “Let’s do this, Imperial style!”.

The courtyard in front of us had an entire army looking at us. Or...a battalion. “Girls?” the Blind Bandit inquired, still grinning. The men and women did not respond, how unkind, and instead ran at us. So the Blind Bandit pulled another earth wall out of the ground, then kicked it over.  _ Someone  _ in that mass knew how to earthbend, and stopped her move. So she hit the ground and pulled out two plates akin to her Earth Rumble moves and launched one forward, crashing against the wall. Then she launched the other and the earthbender, having climbed out of the body pile, took it to the chest. He took it to the chest and went into a nearby building. As there were others alive, and they were running at us, the Blind Bandit opted for swiveling the ground  _ they  _ were on, making them dizzy and fall over. Then she hit the ground and quite literally turned them upside down.  _ Smush _ . I don’t pity them. They were all crushed even further when she jumped up and down going “You’re! All! Awful! At! Fighting!”. 

Their reinforcements had arrived.  _ Okay pain, just...don’t be there, okay? Good. You’re not present. There is no arm pain in the capital, or so the Dai Li say. Except...we’re not in the capital. Oh. No.  _ Toph got bored of the area of effect attacks, “Kyoshi! Charge!” and she pulled two earth pillars out of the ground and held one in each hand. They were the width of tree trunks. I charged forward at the reinforcements, a few dozen of these people, because...well I was slowly losing my mind that’s why. I blocked a couple spears. A few others needlessly bounced off my armor. The spearpeople to my left who were preoccupied with the blue man didn’t see the  _ giant earth pillar  _ coming. It rammed into and through their faces. Then it’s wielder launched it forward and crushed a whole line of these people. 

That’s before Toph emerged from a nearby building, head-to-toe covered in metal.  _ Right, military bases, they use metal doors sometimes. Right _ . The spearpeople tried to stab her, she grabbed one and tossed him into his friends. A few others tried to stab her, missing the Imperial Memorial on not doing that, so she kicked some fissures to make them fall over and give her Emperor some space to get with the stab-stabbing. And I did. There’s no honor in this fighting style, you know, the ‘kill fifty people lying on the ground wounded by fissures’, but it’s  _ a  _ style. I didn’t care that much. I sliced and sliced and sliced until my off-hand was tired. One of these people got up and somehow ignored Toph’s earth gauntlets combining with faces and chests and this...person, whoever they were, kicked me in the back of the leg. A normally not-that-important move made all the adrenaline decide to stop participating and made  _ me  _ fall over. The person who kicked my leg lost their head to accidental building renovation; _ did that new wall need to pop up in the street? I guess?  _ “You’re down, Kyoshi?” “Kind of” I told a lie. “You’ve got to be kidding” she replied, getting somewhat annoyed. Then she ran over to me and offered her hand. “No, let... _ ow, _ you’re pulling on the bolt arm!” and she let go. I couldn’t see her eyes through the metal outfit she put on, but I  _ heard  _ her go “Oh you’re all  _ so  _ dead” and start stomping the ground again and again. People beyond the wall were sent into nearby commanderies or came raining down in the unceremonious death of ‘unintentionally airbending’.

The horns of the Sunan sounded and a  _ fen  _ later, the wall came down revealing a mob of ostrich horse riders. At the head of this group, the trident wielder himself. When he saw me, “Your Majesty has a bolt in Your Majesty’s arm!” Toph peeled her armor off and cast it aside. She took to feeling my arm but before she could do something not smart, “No, no, don’t give bad aid! Don’t!” and I shoved her off. She, thankfully, agreed.

She was able to help me to my feet. Trying to bring some levity back in, “You’re sweating a lot, Toph.” She smirked. “I just had fun. Real fun.” and I nodded. Not that she saw it. 

Elsewhere in the city, the new army had succeeded. Artillery softened, tanks destroyed, riders swamped. 

A standard of the white flower on green was raised while I collapsed.

The Banner Army concept worked. 

I remember yelling “You’re all the Sunan Banner Army!” and hearing no cheers since nobody knew what I was talking about. My deluded self thinking they were simply against the name, I yell-offered “What about the Flower Banner Army?” Then I realized that was dumb. And I passed out as punishment for being dumb. Also, bolt wounds might’ve contributed to that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for Riders from Sunan (They're our joy and our pride!):  
> -Jinyazhen is a town at the eastern edge of the Yuantaizi commandery.  
> -"Among Spears, the Sand Piercer. Among the Sunan, Ju-Long" is a not-so-subtle nod to the famous line about Lu Bu: "Among Men, Lu Bu. Among Horses, Red Hare." Ju Long might as well be the Lu Bu (or more accurately, Ma Teng) of the Sunan Riders, so I figured the saying fits.  
> -Mori's good at motivational speeches...but Toph is supreme.  
> -Since Mori won't mention it and it's a subconcious notation, part of why the Sunan Riders are so effective at inspiring Mori is that their chain of command is quite good for what is needed. He only has to command two people, Lieutenants, instead of a whole slew of officers.  
> -The song the Sunan Riders sing is the chorus of Tachanka repurposed to fit these riders. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tachanka_(song) )  
> -Why use the bellflower? It's based on a mercenary company sigil from the CK2 Avatar Four Nations mod. In headcanon terms, it's a point of irony. The Sunan Riders are as far from classic nobles (the people whose homes they'd raid) as possible while still being under the envelop of the Empire. There are more barbaric peoples, you'll just have to wait about 15 chapters to meet them.  
> -Territorial Cranefish is the Parthian Shot mentioned a few chapters earlier, now employed en masse.  
> -Cavalry charges against unbraced morale-depleted lightly armored men = super decisive victory. The only way the conditions could be better for the Empire's side is if the men were already routing. Wait a miao...that's what the arrows were for (softening them up).
> 
> -Mori's waterfall story is based on a story I know of a person who went and dammed a small stream above a high waterfall with nothing more than rocks. He used a tree root that crossed the stream and placed rocks against it, then flat rocks against those rocks to give it another layer of coverage. Then more rocks to prevent water from running underneath the flat rocks or the base rocks. Soon enough, hours passed, but his technique worked. What was once a fast stream became a small 5 meter or 15 foot wide pond with a new stream 'branch' weaving around the other side of a too-large-to-move rock. The too-large-to-move rock's left side (the new stream) was too thin to dam up.  
> Years passed. The dam still stands.  
> -Lord Ma is named after the Ma family from the Three Kingdoms era. His ostrich horse outrunning it's own shadow is based on Shadow Runner, the Three Kingdoms era mount.  
> -Ma conquering the steppe conquer (and an empire from sea to sea) is a humble reference to the likes of Genghis Khan.  
> -The four hundred legitimized children is also a reference to Genghis, who supposedly had hundreds of children and has been shown to be the ancestor of millions alive today.  
> -Yes, Mori recorded his stance use in this one fight. It will likely not return since it was more of a practical example of his footwork than a precedent for future events.  
> -Wailing Yaling source sound https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2o53GZV93g  
> 


	41. A Step By Step Guide to Displacement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learn of what the Avatar's been up to.
> 
> Hint. The Avatar demonstrates his political ineptitude.

Chapter One Hundred and Seven:

While most of the Sunan Army went south to, well, pacify the rest of Sunan, a small retinue of troops went back west with us. As it turns out, the Empress and Emperor do not need to participate in the  _ entire  _ war against  _ daofei _ . “For his extermination of  _ daofei _ , I award Commander Ju-Long the rank of Lieutenant General” I declared, being granted the permission to issue such awards by Her Imperial Majesty herself -she was busy picking her toes- to a small crowd of some twenty tanks and a few pieces of artillery, a platoon of Imperial Guard, a similarly sized platoon of handpicked Dai Li and of course, my Kyoshi Warriors. Oh, and the engineer Satoru, I wouldn’t want to forget about the inventor of the Wailing Yalings. There was lots of cheering and applause and Ju-Long kowtowing a few times in gratitude. “You’re now part of the Empire, Lieutenant General. Wear it with pride.” “I intend to, Your Majesty.” Not that he had an award for being a Lieutenant General, but it was a metaphorical one. The wildman could prance about the capital and flail his hair about in the faces of Court and they couldn’t, do, anything, about it. 

On more or less interesting news, depending on who you ask, there was this little matter of a crossbow bolt lodged into my arm. Of course, without any healers, removing a crossbow bolt that managed to prod itself into me -note,  _ good job Imperial Armor _ \- was difficult. And I had two options. The -relatively- painless one,  _ thank you Captain Suki _ , or the, ahem, Toph one. The two individuals stood on opposite sides of the metaphorical and literal decision. “Painlessly, we’d knock you out, cut open the wound, and see if we can twirl the shaft out.” “ _ Twirl _ ?” I felt nauseous. “Oh, you know, cut you open and see if the metal’s lodged in bone or not.”  _ That’s not relieving _ . “Suki...is there a reason you can say this with a straight face?” With a straight face, she looked down at me and remarked “I learned all this as a kid.” “Can I get the whiskey first?” As if she predicted this, one of her Warriors passed her a flask of whiskey and she passed it to me. Before I could say ‘thanks’, I noticed that the Empress of the massive continent-spanning Empire was waving. “Yes…”  _ remember, name _ , “...Toph?” She pulled a bracelet off her arm and manipulated it into a straight stick. “You’re going to...but...Toph…”  _ you’ve got to be kidding _ . “Your Majesty, slicing someone open when you lack… _ sight _ … isn’t a good idea.” Toph let out the loudest  _ sigh  _ I think I’ve ever heard. “No, tree, I’m not going to cut you open. I’m going to pull the bolt out.”  _ Oh _ . Suki, being smarter than I, stepped in for my sake. “I don’t think that’s smart.” In the meantime, I downed as much of the flask as I could and handed it back to her. “I’m with Suki. Getting…”  _ right, I feel more nauseous now,  _ “...cut open...would be less painful.”  _ For everyone else.  _

And like the rest of my existence, I had no choice in the matter. “Nope” declared the Empress. Then she hammerfisted my chest to quite literally take my breath away, felt my wounded arm, sliced said shaft off with a swipe of a bracelet-turned-metal knife, then...I can’t even explain it. I was too confused, nauseous, and shocked. She did exactly as Suki didn’t suggest and pulled the bolt out with a  _ pop _ . The me-stained half-a-finger-length bolt was a bit more intimidating up close than...well further away from being up close. I thought I was done there?

No, of course not. As part of ‘let’s not tell the Emperor anything’, someone yelled something and suddenly I had a whiskey-stained rag shoved into my mouth and a red-hot small disc of metal being pressed onto the arm wound. I found good use for that rag. Thankfully for me, the Empress had predicted the kind of reaction being burned alive would give and shackled me to this table. When I was done doing my best job imitating a writhing person,  _ good imitation I’d bet _ , the shackles were removed. A few  _ miao  _ or maybe a few  _ fen  _ passed while Suki twirled the bolt head between her fingers. “It’s a good thing this bolt wasn’t barbed.” “Sukes…” I had to pause to take a deep breath. “...There were and are no ‘good’...”  _ another deep breath _ , “...’thing’s…”  _ deep breath again,  _ “...about this.” I didn’t want to look, let alone feel, the skin that was given the well-cooked treatment. Suki tried to reassure me. “On the optimistic side, you’ll live.” I looked at Toph, she was simply crossing her arms and smugly smiling. “Toph...you did the opposite of the right thing to do.” She crossed her arms and widened her smile. “You’re alive, Kyoshi.” “I am, as long as I didn’t suffer internal bleeding.” Suki held up the red-hot disc, proclaiming “that’s what this was for.” _ “You stabbed my skin with it?”  _ “That’s what  _ this _ ” and she gestured to a thin metal rod, “was for.” Then she placed either utensil in a stone basin of water. While I watched the steam rise, I felt my off-arm was the recipient of a shoulder punch. “What was that for, Toph?” “You were an idiot and tossed me out of the way.” I nodded, not that she saw it. Suki and the other Warriors did, and they giggled as expected. I took that as the opportunistic time to pass out. 

I was left with a reminder of my intelligence. Said reminder was wrapped up in bandages and hung in a sling. Was the bone broken? ‘Most likely’ claimed one of the Imperial Infirmary people we had dragged along. Even better than that, “Your Majesty should stay away from fighting until it’s healed.”  _ Wait, no, no,  _ even better than  _ that _ , “It could take weeks to heal, Your Majesty.” I looked over at Toph, she was lying back in bed with her hands behind her head. I didn’t know how to react. Toph, for her part, spoke up for me. “Telling Kyoshi to stop fighting is like telling me to stop earthbending.”  _ Thanks, Toph _ . Then she gave me another shoulder punch.  _ Ow _ . This didn’t stop the fact that I had to wear this reminder in tight braced bandages or a sling, but it was something.

When we reached Yuantaizi, the local garrison force had  _ finally  _ mustered. In the time it took us to ride east and south and defeat most of the  _ daofei _ , the local militia of bamboo sticks and crossbows, totalling some fifteen hundred people, got off their tavern chairs and showed up. The only portion that even mattered from this large force was the three hundred benders and five hundred riders. Not that it mattered,  _ we’d already fought the battle and we’d already won. The artillery, tanks and riders were proved to be a good system _ . None of us -it was only Toph’s opinion that mattered but it sounds nicer if I try to be inclusive- cared to stay in this town for dinner. So, as per Toph’s orders, we didn’t depart the Imperial Carriage. The crowds that gathered were waved to by us, not me, I was asleep, but that was that. No long Magistrate meetings and being tossed clothing as gifts. We stopped for a moment to swap benders, and we carried on. Captain Wuhan told us that we “could be home in two to three days, Your Majesties.” Not that I cared that much, I was busy sleeping and Toph was busy using my off-hand arm as a headrest of some kind. 

Soon later, Toph opted to go pay her good friend a visit, and of course, dragged the dazed me along with her. “Don’t I need to heal?” I asked her while she departed our -her- bedroom. “You can heal later. Qiang comes first” she said with that  _ I-don’t-know-if-you’re-serious-or-being-sarcastic _ voice. I was leaning towards sarcastic, it’s rare I’m ever knocked out for long. “As Your Majesty-” I began, before receiving a-  _ ow _ , knee to the knee, “I have a name”, “as you wish” I stressed while being stressfully pulled on the good arm. “You’re fine, right?” she asked, reaching up to grab my shoulder.  _ I…  _ “Yes. I’m able to walk around. I’m just not supposed to use the good...well formerly good...arm.” She gave me  _ another  _ shoulder punch and said “Good, then you’re coming with me. No excuses.”  _ Okay, fine, that’s my fault for saying the truth and her being able to tell that I was telling the truth and wasn’t actually wounded _ . So we left - _ I see all of you kowtowing with my good eye, thanks _ \- and walked down the halls, across an enclosed causeway built to allow turning, and found the great badgermole’s private quarters. Me and my Imperial... _ Semi-formal _ ?...Robes complimented Toph’s... _ wait a miao _ ...yes really, for once the Empress wasn’t wearing her wrestler attire. Too bloodstained, I guess. No, for once, she was dressed in a more...unexpected,  _ expected, I’m confused? _ ...light green robe and a white dress for a bottom. Anyways, the two of us would’ve entered alone, but Toph was accompanied by two Imperial Guards -no less than the twins Shi and Jie- and lanterns dangling on spears. They opened the door and Toph vanished into the darkness while I slowly walked in to avoid tripping and making one broken arm two broken arms. 

“How are  _ you  _ feeling, Qiang?” Judging by what it sounded like, Lord Qiangyang licked her face,  _ so there goes my attempts to do her hair _ .  _ Roar,  _ he said. I don’t speak badgermole. But Toph does. “Yes, I’m feeling fine” she said, and now that the lanterns were brought far enough into the cave-like room, I could see the badgermole. Toph was scratching the white patches beneath his eyes.  _ Roar _ , Lord Qiangyang said. “Yes, Kyoshi’s standing there.” and at mention of my name, I might’ve taken a small hop backwards.  _ No. No. No. I like you, but no _ .  _ Roar _ , Lord Qiangyang declared. “Yes, he’s funny” she giggled.  _ What am I getting myself into?  _ The Empress stuck her hand backwards and waved me over, barking “Get over here, Kyoshi!”  _ O...kay then _ . I walked up to the Lord and, remembering my courtesies, asked “Do I have to bow to him?” She waved her hand, for in her mind such a question is a good joke. Except, of course, when it isn’t. She nicely, albeit seriously, ordered “Just...stand...still”. So I did...not. Because a large badgermole slowly emerging from the darkness is only a  _ little  _ unsettling, even if said badgermole is a big softie  _ when he’s not busy slicing our foes in two _ . I backed up, this aggravated the Empress, so she walked around me, behind me, and next thing I knew I had someone pressing on my back and preventing me from going any further backwards because said person’s feet were rooted in earth. Lord Qiangyang stomped forward and  _ Lick _ . Now  _ my  _ face and neck and hair was almost entirely lathered in badgermole tongue. 

Toph let me ‘go’, but I was busy shivering from the tongue, and walked around me once more to stand in front of the badgermole. She then proceeded to take counsel from a badgermole about civil politics. Yes. “Do you like the peasants, Qiang?”  _ Roar _ , the Lord responded. “Whose opinions about matters do you take more seriously, the peasants or the nobles?”  _ Roar _ , the Lord replied. The lanterns illuminated enough of her face to let me see that she was smiling. “I agree, the peasants are usually right.” She asked the badgermole “Why haven’t you come to Court, Qiang?” and the badgermole grumbled. “Ah, yes, you don’t like Court. Neither do I” and she took to scratching the area around his snout. As a thanks, he tickled her with whiskers.  _ Right, right, of course. Taking counsel from a badgermole. Mhm _ .

We went back to our bedroom, now with Suki taking her position as one of the door guards for the upcoming shift. Her Imperial Majesty Imperially pulled off her formal garb and dived face first onto the bed. “Kyoshi, you’re alive, right? Pull off your robe!” Never has a call to arms been more inspiring and awkward. “Are we going to wrestle?” I wondered while, indeed, trying to follow her instructions.  _ Hard to do with one hand, Toph _ . “Perhaps” she replied, her tone one of teasing since we both knew that’d be a yes, while enjoying the comfortable sheets. Of course, because my arm was unusable, I had to embarrassingly yell “Suki, can you come in here and pull my robe off for me?” which, not a few moments later, earned some refrained laughter that I wasn’t technically supposed to hear. She did as I wished and helped me out of my formal robes and into my informal ones, the bluish kimono-tunic. She gestured to the arm. “Does your arm hurt?”  _ No, this is all for show _ . “My arm’s fine” I told her, earning an eye roll. “Don’t do anything stupid” she remarked, glancing at the Empress hugging a sheet. “What kind of stupid?” I countered, since there’s a variety of options. “Wrestling,” she sounded far too motherly for this. I sighed. “I  _ won’t _ -” but I was interrupted by Toph loudly saying “Oh come on, just get in bed already! He’s going to sleep!” and the two of us Kyoshi Islanders gave one another a wary glance, as if to say ‘that’s unexpected’. She pressed my shoulder which pressed me backwards, then departed. I took to blowing out most of the lanterns, save two. The dimness gave me enough illumination to see.

So I moved over to get in bed, sat up and was asked, quietly, “you ready to wrestle?” while the Empress grabbed my good arm. Now, if I was smart, it would’ve hit me that I couldn’t wrestle with one hand. But I’m not that guy, I’m a tree. If I was smart, I would’ve taken Suki’s advice. Again, I ain’t that, I’m a Consort. And, more importantly, I was really eager to do some wrestling. “Why not” and the two of us faced one another, each bracing in their own way. I sat up, the Empress sat on her knees. “To first?” I asked “To first” she agreed, and she,  _ do you need to do that _ , cracked her knuckles. And then, only  _ then _ , did it hit me. Literally. With her grapple and quietly proclaiming “You’re going down!” and  _ slam  _ I went down, down, and fell off the bed. That’s how hard I went down. I don’t know if the ‘Ow!’ was deliberate or accidental. I picked up myself and my arm and told the grinning victor “Toph...I can’t wrestle. My arm’s busted.” She looked,- _ ha _ \- unchanged but she dealt with this situation with “fine” and a crossing of her arms.  _ Oh, she’s not happy _ . Suki and Wuhan ran in, weapons at the ready,  _ because, I guess, they were bored? _ , and looked at the young woman in the light green undershirt and the young man wearing his finest clean bright blue-green Kyoshi Islander kimono-tunic and sheathed their blades. Well, Suki did, Wuhan didn’t. 

“Was there an attack? Did someone attack something? Did one of Your Majesties attack the other one?” he asked, genuinely concerned and looking about ready to hack a wall into pieces. I sarcastically replied “Ah yes, this is how we do succession in the Empire. Of course.” Once they saw that there wasn’t any asassination attempt occurring, Wuhan sheathed his  _ dao _ and Suki offered her opinion, “No, Captain, this is obviously a  _ marital  _ dispute,” while pointing at me not wearing pants and pointed at the Empress who, unlike me, was wearing short olive-green shorts. Wuhan ran his hand through his beard, Suki ran up to my arm and looked it over. I began to say “What kind of marital dis-” before cutting myself off because I know how these things end. “Oh, Kyoshi was eager about bastard-making and I wasn’t!” the Empress happily shouted.  _ That’s...exactly how I thought it would go _ . So of course Wuhan gave me this look and casually asked “Does Your Majesty want me to make His Imperial Majesty a eunuch?”  _ Wait, wait, wait wai.t _ I raised my hands,  _ well, one hand _ , because  _ no, no, no, no _ . “No, no, no, no, I don’t want that!” In her nasal courtly voice, “if that’s the proper punishment, then…” but her voice swapped to reality, “wait really?” and he drew his blade.  _ I take that as a ‘yes, really’, what with the blade draw.  _ “That is the proper punishment” the Captain stiffly declared. “No, Her Imperial Majesty! I...was just failing to wrestle her.” I embarrassingly said, since I knew if I didn’t admit this, I’d be...well... “Without pants?” he counter-asked. “Without pants. I  _ am  _ wearing undergarments” I responded. “But without pants.”  _ No, without a shirt. Yes, don’t you have two eyes?  _ “He’s telling the truth.” the Empress finally stepped in and vouched for me, sounding as bored as Mai. In her own way of course. So the Captain sheathed his blade while Suki continued examining my hand. Like all of this nonsense was indeed occurring. “You’re both dismissed!” Toph yelled, since she probably didn’t intend for this to happen. “Is your arm alright?” I nodded to my cousin. Then, once the Captain left, I looked at Toph and asked “Did...did all of that just happen?” Toph replied “No, this is a cactus juice laced dream. Good night.” which reminded me of the times she consumed cactus juice. 

Toph and I took our dinner in bed while dressed as we wish to be dressed. Grease got everywhere, but that’s what the Imperial Blanket compartment of the Imperial Bedroom Storage Carriage is for.  _ Because when in doubt, there’s probably a compartment for it.  _ After enjoying some fine local delicacies, like pig-sheep cuts of meat that were taste-tested by me first, the two of us proceeded with our sleep preparations. For real this time. One lantern was snuffed and the other was kept for me and my one eye’s purposes. As usual, ‘preparations’ for sleeping meant my robes were untied while a woman with hair she ruffled up,  _ deliberately _ , lay down on my chest and snored. Or, pretend snored. “Why are you snoring?” I asked, not believing her being tired. “Because I’m tired. Aren’t you tired?” she stated, obviously being tired. “I am also tired.” I responded, but I was also in a  _ smidge  _ of pain. Arm-piercing bolt wounds tend to hurt. Or maybe I’m just a weak nonbender, I have no idea. She took her hair and tossed it as far up as she could, landing on my face - _ because who needs sight? _ \- and, possibly actually tired, remarked “It was a good wrestling match, Kyoshi.” “We only went to one round.” “And I won.”  _ Right _ . Then I  _ think  _ she fell asleep. I took a blanket and wrapped it over her before parting her hair and putting it back where it belongs and  _ trying  _ to fall asleep with some deep breathing. I don’t know how much time passed, but I didn’t fall asleep. I sat there with this dull ache. Too dull to ask for one of those… ‘knockout’ rags - _ don’t make me remember that _ \- but too strong to properly fall asleep. And eventually Her Imperial Majesty’s pretend snoring shifted to “why is your heart still running around like a headless pig-chicken?” I lifted my bound arm and pondered, out loud, “I guess because my arm hurts?” So, to cure this, she took her hair and tossed it at me. “Play with my hair, or something.”  _ That’s not how...that’s not how you treat arm-puncturing wounds...but I’m also not a herbalist.  _ “As you wish.” And then I did that. For a while. My Empress enjoyed that greatly, murmuring that tomorrow she’d ‘go easy on me’ for it. Which means I’ll only be tossed through  _ one  _ wall instead of, let’s say, four. Or only sent to a skirmish instead of a campaign. Or...maybe only get taken to  _ one  _ play instead of going on a vacation across the Agrarian Zone and visiting villages populated by strange Dai Li fan-people. Nonetheless, my skills in hair-playing-with go unmatched...if you only rank the people in this one bedroom. By some fortune, all the hair massaging tired me out to the point that I actually fell asleep. It helps that I was exhausted. 

I woke the next day, as I normally do, being used as a pillow by the Empress. As expected, her hands thought I was a tree that one could embrace. As expected, the most powerful person on this continent lay there like an innocent young woman, peacefully sleeping. As expected, my queue was undone and some of the strands were wrapped around her small hands. Others were intermixed with her black hair, forming a canvas of multicolored hair. As unexpected, my arm had these...pulses...of pain. As if she was pressing on my chest so hard that somehow my arm pulsed with every other heartbeat. And my bandage had remained...clean. But it needed to be changed. Prevent infection and all that stuff we learned back home. The first conscious thing I did was grab my Empress’s wrist and confirm that  _ you’re sleeping, safely _ and let it drop back onto my chest. Then, I destroyed that sleep with a yell. “Suki!” and,  _ sorry, Toph _ , I felt the moderate change in the blind earthbender’s breathing as she was stirred from her peaceful, innocent, sleep. “Captain Suki is not present, Your Majesty!” the voice of... _ Aoma,  _ responded. “Get in here!” I yelled again. This time, the blind earthbender went “what’s going on?” in a mumble, moving one of her hands up to grab more of my hair. The headdress and done-up hair of Aoma marched in. She bowed.  _ The curtains were drawn but it was light outside. Possibly just after sunrise or just before sunset. _ “Bandage. Infection.” I pointed at the bandage. The young woman looked at my arm and “ah, of course, Your Majesty.” She turned around, left, and what felt like a few moments later, returned with a roll of sarashi. She got to work unwrapping my arm, cleaned the... _ that’s a really tinged burn mark...that isn’t going to be coming out, is it _ ...then applied a new bandage. Not just bandage, but readjust bounds to keep the broken arm still. Meanwhile, Toph twisted her head about, sending her - _ I was trying to do your hair!- _ hair flying all over the place like chunks of unsuspecting  _ daofei  _ after being hit by one of Toph’s earth pillars. I looked at the bandage, smiled at Aoma, she smiled back at me, wished me well, and I dismissed her. “You want to go back to sleep?” I asked the Empress while she ran her hands through my hair. I met her hand halfway and  _ might’ve  _ rubbed it a bit. “I do” she tiredly replied. I asked “Can I read while you sleep?” pondering how I could use my time while being a good Imperial Pillow. “Not that I’ll see the difference with more light or less light, go ahead.” and she went back to happily sleeping on my chest, playing with my hair. I summoned an attendant to bring me a ‘collection of books’.

Thanks to Ming, a copy of  _ Records of His Royal Highness, Crown Prince Chong-Shan _ , was added to my personal reading inventory. I spent much longer than I’d like to admit reading from it that morning. I skipped the childhood passages, mostly him remarking on what it was like to grow up in the Royal Palace, to which each day would get a brief paragraph of events. Instead, I chose to skip ahead to when he was a teenager. 

_ Today, I arose at dawn. I went to pray to my ancestors. Father wanted me to attend optional Morning Court, but as it was optional I said no. I went to practice my blade with Ji, Xian and Ci instead. We got lost in the Northern Palace. I discovered a secret room filled with Northern Water Tribe relics. The Sikuk Avatar, what was the failure’s name, Kuruk?, once gave His Royal Majesty, back when He was a Prince, a fur cape fashioned from a polar-bear-dog that the Sikuk man hunted. I think it’s a great looking cape, even if the Sikuk was an awful Avatar. He allowed his Tribes to wage war against my brothers of the far northeast because the father of the current Magistrate of Taizigou, ‘Fisherman’ Kun, killed the last main Sikuk Chief. The other relics, bone spears and necklaces, were of terrible quality. I suppose I should expect as much from a bunch of degenerate Northerners. _

_ We were lost until Granduncle found us. Well, I found him, having tea in the Northern Gardens. He was in his ‘I’m the General’ state of mind so he got annoyed at what I was doing out of Court. He took me, by the back of my collar, and dragged me back over to the Throne. I sat next to Father while His Royal Majesty addressed the Royal Court. For being found affiliating with revolutionary groups, Minister Lee-Sun will be executed. As a result of the rebellion in the Northwest Provinces of Hu Xin, General Chin will be dispatched to handle the matter. He visited me in my quarters to wish me well and gave me some special treats. A jian scabbard that some Admiral of Ba Sing Se held before losing it to a Pirate Lord, a jian blade from an old Fire Island warlord with a red tassel and a dagger with the characters for ‘Strength and Determination’ that he claimed was taken from the corpse of a dead Yellow Neck Leader. He ‘wants to stay in touch’ with me. I promised to stay in touch with him. I wished him a successful campaign and he bowed formally. The Court sent off General Chin, titling him ‘General Who Defeats Rebels’ and granted him a new jian and scabbard. Not long after, Mother chastised me for cutting court but was also happy that I went exploring.  _

_ With his departure, Father and I are the last vocally in favor of our dynasty’s longevity. All these bureaucrats. They’re looking and looking. His Royal Majesty had another episode of madness, cursing the long dead Jianzhu for failing to eliminate the Avatar. The bureaucrats are waiting. One of these days, they’re going to strike. They speak in the shadows of His Royal Majesty having lost the Mandate. And we need to wait. I hope General Chin returns soon. I’ll miss his lessons on warfare and how to fight. I’ll miss Chin. He’s a bit eccentric but it seems like he has the Kingdom’s best interests at heart. The same cannot be said for the Ministers. If I could, I’d let Chin have his way with them. One day, maybe I will. One day, those traitors will pay. The traditional punishment was death to the fourth generation. _

I read other passages, mostly from the same time as this. They concerned Prince Chong-Shan’s lessons on war and how to lead an army. As it turns out, Crown Prince Ling and Prince Chong-Shan were very much in favor of Chin’s usurpation of the Badgermole Throne. The two believed that a military-backed Throne would be unstoppable. Ling was far more vocal. Chin treated his officers well, or so Chong-Shan claimed. In his wars for the Throne, he often would let two rival warlords spar before killing the weakened victor. He led his troops from the front and was usually one of the first into battle. He was also a talented earthbender. Chong repeatedly referred to him as ‘Uncle’ informally.

While reading, I was interrupted by Her Imperial Majesty waking up and calmly, less tired, saying “Good morning, Kyoshi.” “Good morning, Your-”  _ ow, thanks for the headbutt to the chest _ , “name” she declared, annoyed.  _ Right, right. Formality is for everyone else and also me but only at specific times.  _ “Morning, Toph.” “There we go” she grinned. Then she remained in bed, since ‘I’ve got nowhere to go’, and she grabbed my free hand and put it on her neck. “My neck’s feeling...tight.” “On it, Your-”  _ ow. Okay, okay.  _ So I got to work, putting the book on the side and using my good hand to lightly scratch her neck while she clutched me like I was some kind of...pillow.  _ Well you are a pillow, you moron.  _ I took that as my call to massage her neck. 

I massaged her neck with my free hand while my incapacitated one sat outstretched, resting, on a cushioned table to my left. I found the tense muscles and gave them some light -but hard- rubs. And to that I earned some light shoulder jabs of my own. At her request, “My back’s also needs some massaging,” I moved on to her back. She readjusted herself and found a comfortable spot on my chest. For her way of passing the time, she took to playing with my hair. Spinning it around like a weaver and loom. As it should be expected, there’s no better time to think about history than when slowly trying to release the tight muscles of a monarch.  _ No, there’s a multitude of better times. Well, I decided that the best time to do this is while giving a massage. Why not _ . 

One thing I learned from Prince Chong-Shan, he was a steadfast populist even back when  _ he  _ was around. He thought the nobility should be abolished and replaced with qualified members of the peasant class. A controversial opinion and reflective of the old ‘peasant officials’ system. As he put it here, from when he was twenty,

_ The nobility, the Upper Ring, are filled with power-hungry fools. They kowtow to the Badgermole Throne in name only. When nobody’s watching, they break all the rules of formality. To my father, they should address him as His Royal Highness, but instead they casually call him ‘Ling’. He’s not Ling. He’s not your friend. He’s the Crown Prince of the Earth Kingdom and one day soon, he will be the Forty Seventh Earth King. He will be His Royal Majesty. You will be some member of the landed nobility who happens to own a plot of land somewhere. You, Ministers, have to fight and work your way up the political ladder, killing all your opponents. I have something none of you ever will. I have the blood of all those who sat upon the Badgermole Throne. I have the birthright. After my father has lived a long life as His Royal Majesty, one day, I will ascend to the Throne as the Forty-Eighth Earth King. All of you ministers should treat me as a Prince. Address me as Your Highness. Instead, they call me a young man, even when I am old enough to attend court. Great-great Grandfather went to court at thirteen. The peasants don’t wait, they get to work. They deserve praise far more than any of you. They weren’t born to live opulent lives plotting and scheming. They worked and they toil. Behind all the pretend kowtows and pretend formality that all of you love showcasing, they are the true Kingdom. It is by their hand that the Kingdom is built and by their hand that we assail our enemies.  _

I understand where he’s coming from, but from a completely different perspective. The Ministers are so obsessed with  _ their  _ formalities that they forget their place. The Ministers now  _ also  _ kowtow in name only. The Spirits only know what they do in their backrooms. And the Dai Li...for all of it’s organizations perfections, they’re unable to constantly contain the Ministers’ ambitions. I  _ know  _ they have ambitions.

Before I could finish my thoughts, Toph requested I get back to massaging her back. So I did. Upon noting that she might need to disrobe, she quickly pulled off her undergarment and tossed it at my face. I refused to look and instead requested, “Your Majesty, perhaps putting on the chest sarashi would be a good idea?” to which she  _ laughed _ and went “you’re kidding, right?”  _ No, I’m not. I’m really just that idiotic about the Empress of Ten Thousand Years not dressing like Ty Lee _ . “I’m not,” I declared, proud, and also proudly looking away. “You’re not” she found my chin and turned it to face her.  _ Then I shall close my good eye _ . “I’m not” I responded. “Why?” she asked with that,  _ I’m annoyed,  _ expression. “Because at any moment, the Avatar could arrive.”  _ No really, who knows _ . She laughed. “Ha! Get back to doing a fine job on my back. Don’t worry, the Avatar won’t see anything!” and she took to pressing herself against the bed. I took to sitting up, now with my chest no longer being slowly bruised, and looked at her back to try and figure out how I’d do this with one hand. I couldn’t exactly ask  _ against  _ this, I was being given an order after all. So I followed through with that order and realized that I still had  _ one  _ hand.  _ Bang _ , here, take a hammerfist to the back. I alternated between hammerfists, good in general, and kneading of fingers against shoulder blades. The main benefit of not wearing top clothes is it lets me put all those lessons I learned on Kyoshi Island about pinpointing positions on the upper spine and the shoulder blades to the test. As it was just her back, she need not also slap my face with her short shorts.  _ Kyoshi...or the Spirits… or Agni, help us all if Pu-On Tim shows up and records this. The main detriment of giving the Empress a back massage is that Avatar could arrive at any- _ but I was cut off. 

Captain Wuhan yelled “Your Majesties, the Avatar requests an audi-  _ ow _ !” Then the doorway to our room was blown open with airbending and a young man dressed in orange robes with an expression of...annoyance?  _ Dissatisfaction? Impatience? _ Walked in, staff in one hand. Then he noticed the two of us, screamed “Ahh! Your Majesties!” and he pointed his staff at us. “What?” asked the waterbender as she followed him in, unsure of what tone she should pick out of the Princess’s Tone Cabinet. Then she looked at us, her eyes swelled to the size of earth discs, and “Ahh! Your Majesties! How...filthy!” and she moved to cover the Avatar’s eyes, since Spirits -no, Katara- forbid he see us...doing literally nothing.  _ Oh no, a woman is lying down on a blanket with her back and just her back showing! You idiots do realize that you can’t see anything? I can’t see anything! This is like Yu Dao all over again.  _ The not-a-Princess’s hands didn’t make it all the way, because either one was caught by a rock glove, forcing her to fall over. The Avatar, too, his hands, brought together while wielding the staff, were grabbed by two rock gloves. “What’s this for?” the waterbender screeched at  _ us _ . “You’re under arrest!” shouted one voice from the ceiling. “For entering Her Imperial Majesty’s room without permission!” shouted the other. My Kyoshi Warrior on shift, Aoma, also jumped in, quickly examining the room. I pointed at the doorway, gestured, gestured again, and she left.  _ Thank you, Aoma _ . I also threw a blanket over Toph while she whined in annoyance at having a good back massage interrupted.

Then two Dai Li fell from the ceiling, one pulling Katara’s hands together, one trying to pull Aang’s together. But Aang pulled back on his wrists and the two combined rock gloves just...fell off. The other agent looked over at him and launched a pair of metal shackles at the Avatar and  _ those  _ were tightly bound around the Avatar’s hands, earning a yelp from the young man. His yelping caused Katara to go “what are you doing?!?”, loudly, as if it wasn’t obvious. “Arresting both of you” the agent who was tying up her hands with a metal wire stated. “That’s against the law!” she shouted loud enough to probably break an iceberg in the South somewhere. “We  _ are  _ the law” the second agent stated, chuckling at his joke. “Wei, stop laughing” the other agent stated, serious.  _ If he’s Wei...then you’re Shen _ . “It’s funny. I should use that more often” then Wei repeated himself albeit in a deeper voice, “‘We  _ are  _ the law,  _ Avatar _ ” and he continued chuckling. “Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” Katara scream-asked of me, her voice panicked and erratic. I poked my own chest, as if to confirm it’s a chest and not a shirt, and calmly stated “Her Imperial Majesty uses me as a pillow.” Granted, I said this completely seriously while  _ mentally laughing myself silly _ . “A  _ pillow _ ?” she replied as I, myself, would have replied -shocked- I knew this was my fate years ago. “Yes. A pillow.” and I smashed my own chest with my fist, earning a giggle from the Empress. 

“Why isn’t she wearing a shirt? Was she doing something she shouldn’t be doing” the mother of the Avatar’s three man team decided to ask. Sounding like a mother. “You lowly water peasant has no right to criticize Her Imperial Majesty!” from Shen and “What he said,” from Wei. “Also, we weren’t doing anything.” I added with a finger raised. The Empress added the best part, “And if we  _ were,  _ would it really be your business, Sugar Queen?”  _ Toph...you might want to lay off the Pu-On Tim plays.  _ “So? She should always be wearing a- mmph!” the ‘mmph’ was what I believe she said after Shen gagged her for...completely the right reason. I don’t know where Sokka was before,  _ it took him a while to dismount? _ , but now he showed up and shouted “what’s going on here?” as if it really wasn’t obvious. He was  _ also  _ imprisoned. And gagged. I threw my legs over the side of the bed, pulled on my Imperial Informal Robe -draping it over my battered arm- and walked over to the Avatar who was forced into sitting on his knees by another pair of metal shackles courtesy the other half of the Dai Li pair. There, I looked down at the Avatar, looked down at his shiny egg head and sharply,  _ annoyed _ , asked “Avatar, why did you come here?” The rest of the Dai Li and Imperial Guards who had poured in went quiet.  _ The Emperor doesn’t often sound like this _ was probably what they thought. 

“I went to the Eastern Air Temple, Your Earthliness.” Credit where it’s due, the Avatar maintained his composure where his companion was unable to. Sure, he cracked at the beginning but that’s part of why I wanted Her Imperial Majesty to wear something. “Oh?” I said those pesky inner thoughts out loud again. I continued where I originally planned to begin; “And what did you learn?”.“I found this man named Kazuyoshi, Your Earthliness. When he saw Katara and I arriving on Appa-” the distinctive sky bison conveniently roared from somewhere nearby, “-he welcomed me as the ‘ancient caretaker of the Air Temples’ and all his men set up this big feast for us.”  _ Really? Huh. That’s...really interesting in fact.  _ The Avatar suddenly found a  _ dao  _ blade resting next to his neck. It’s wielder, Captain Wuhan. In his thick Northerner voice, “Failure to address His Imperial Majesty  _ properly _ is executable.”

I grabbed the Captain’s hand. “Save killing him for some time in the future.”  _ Whoops. That...that wasn’t supposed to be said out loud. Whoops _ . The Princess and Prince went wide-eyed. To fix what could become a little bit of an international disaster, I blared “Dai Li!” and looked over at the two. “Yes, Your Majesty?” they both said at the same time, bowing. “Release these two.” Then I looked over at Toph, who at this point was wearing her sarashi. My favorite Dai Li pair obeyed and released the two, Aang immediately hopped up into a bow and Katara and Sokka gave me angry and inquiring eyes, respectively. When Shen slammed his rock palm with his rock fist she calmed down a little bit. To also fix the waterbender’s totally justified emotional reaction and the Prince’s confusion, “It’s a saying in the Empire,  _ Princess _ . We say ‘save killing for some time in the future’ as a way of telling people to calm down.” The Dai Li and Imperial Guards gave me a few wary glances, I gave them my one-eyed stare, and they proceeded to nod. “What His Imperial Majesty says is correct. It’s merely a saying.” And the guards nodded. And nodded. And nodded. The Avatar’s girlfriend huffed and her chest expanded and contracted and... _ she isn’t calming down.  _ “There are other saying, Princess” and I got on one knee to bow to her. “Such as ‘gut the pig-chicken later’ which means to do something more important first.” Some of the Imperial Guards, like Wuhan, were wise enough to produce their own made up sayings. “There’s also ‘to break a head, you must first grab the mace’” from one, “‘To kill a cat-deer, you must track it’” from another and “‘May your relationship be as strong as the Majia and the Zheng’” from Captain Wuhan. 

The Princess calmed down. “I get it...they’re popular sayings.” I could smile again. I didn’t, because the Emperor isn’t supposed to smile...normally. The Empress confirmed “Those are real sayings” which saved all our necks. While Katara watched me with suspicious eyes, I nodded. “Princess, Prince, the arrest was for modesty’s sake. You’re free to go.” The Prince kept his...watchful gaze even as he moved over to stand in front of his sister. Then I looked at the Avatar, who was rubbing his hands.  _ Quick, don’t let their suspicion win out.  _ Calmly, nobly, I said “Avatar, I want to know everything” and I sat down on the edge of the bed while the Empress sat up, wearing her normal sleep undershirt, and picked her toes. The Avatar pulled a stone seat out for the three to sit on. Then the Avatar began.

“So I went to the Eastern Air Temple. As you know, it’s technically ours.” he spoke as if there were multiple Air Nomads running about. There weren’t and aren’t. “As it turns out, there’s actually people living along the coasts of the Air Temple Islands. The largest coastal town has some five thousand people in it. The rest are scattered in these little fishing hamlets all over the place. Kazuyoshi’s ancestors were originally sent by a past Earth King-” of course the Avatar wouldn’t know the specifics about the towns, their names, _which_ Earth King, and so on. “-to settle the Air Temples. Do you know what he did?” and he left it off like a question. _No? He declared war on the Fire Nation?_ He answered for me, excited. “He chose to become a caretaker for the lands!” The Princess and Prince tipped their heads in agreement while varying between watching the Avatar speak and my calm -on the outside- responses. _Really?_ _Really? Some Earth Islander cares about the Air Temples? Right, right, of course. And Toph can firebend_. “Him and these other wonderful young men, Kazuhito and Kazuhiro, chose to caretake after the Air Temple. Kazuyoshi told me that his father was really sorry that he couldn’t save most of the destroyed Temples from being looted.” _Really? Not like he ransacked it_. _Nope. Men and women would never, ever, loot things. Daofei don’t exist._ The Avatar’s endless speech continued. “Since the Eastern Air Temple belongs to the Air Nomads, I told them that I was going to tell the Emperor and Empress-” and he paused to look over at Toph, who definitely did not reciprocate as she was picking her toes, “first before going forward. So here I am!” he left the end off with a cheer. He was happy! Happy! _Happy! Happy for him! Great! Good for you, Avatar!_ “And then what?” I let out one of those pesky inner thoughts again. The Avatar practically hopped up and down out of passion to destroy our serious tone. Or something like that. “Then? I welcome them into the new Air Nation.” _Wait...what? What? What with full emphasis on the WHAT?_

While Katara sat there, varying between smiling at her boyfriend’s passion, looking at me with  _ I can icicle you  _ eyes, and looking at Shen with a petrified expression like a piece of wood that was frozen in permafrost, I asked “I thought the Avatar...I thought you of all people would be against inclusivity. You have strict cultures to preserve.”  _ You know, the Air Nomads only stayed Air Nomads because of stringent traditionalism. The Air Nomads that left the order, so to speak, were cast down.  _ He nodded his head. “That’s right, Your Earthliness. But that’s where these people can come in. While the Air Acolytes follow the strict traditions of the Air Nomads, these people are free to live on my peoples’ homelands. They don’t desecrate them. They tried their best to preserve them from the Fire Nation.”  _ Wait, so you’ve invented a new sovereign entity? And you’ve…  _ I couldn’t keep thinking. These statements begged to be said. “You invented a new social class? How’s that going to work out?” and he looked at me funny. Like the word social class was beyond him. “What? I named them all Air Acolytes. Kazuyoshi claimed that all of his vassals would join.” Then he turned to Katara and asked “What do you think?” She smiled, looked at me, and said “Your Majesty, just as New Taku is a mix of all Four Nations, so to, the Eastern Air Temple is a mix of Earth and Air. Most people wear Earth Kingdom-” we can’t blame her for getting our name wrong,  _ can we?, _ “-clothing, but some of them actually dressed like Air Nomads. And they were vegetarian. And they lived in the foothills of the Temples, refusing to set foot in the Temples themselves.”  _ That’s...awfully strange. A bunch of people who aren’t Air Nomads and have nothing to do with them and aren’t held back by the Air Nomad’s laws or rulings or Council of Elders.  _ Then  _ more  _ things hit me. “Avatar...can we go speak somewhere else. Her Imperial Majesty is busy.” and I turned to Toph, who was eagerly at work with her foot. “Right?” “That’s right. I’m really busy here!” she said, both sarcastic and serious. So I got up, kowtowed to her,  _ set the precedent for the rude Avatar _ , first, then exited the room with the Avatar following me. 

Once we got outside, Katara noticed that my arm was bandaged. “What happened?” she asked, inquisitively with her inquisitive eyebrows. “I jumped in front of crossbows to protect my Empress. I took a bolt so she didn’t have to” I said, pride emanating like a high Sun in the middle of a warm summer. Katara immediately uncorked her waterskin and like  _ that  _ her palms were connected by a thick stream of water.  _ Okay then _ . I walked over to the Consort’s Bedroom, now empty, and ordered the guards to remove my bandages. Prince Sokka, now joined by the Avatar’s flying lemur companion sitting on his head like a crown, watched the Guards tear off the bindings and bracers and let my arm droop onto a small stone plate. The Avatar drew a stone seat out of the ground with a staff swipe and his girlfriend sat down upon it, giving my arm a visual examination. Aang continued his ideological torrent of dispensing information. This time, with something that mattered. 

“There were a couple of locals who were really...rude.” Aang declared. Simultaneously his girlfriend set to healing my arm.  _ Ahh that’s both relieving and painful _ .  _ Wait...Rude?  _ He continued, sitting down on a stone seat he pulled out of the ground with a simple staff swipe. “This man named Liang claimed that these people were attacking him with ships. Turns out he was new to the area. He claimed that this land all belonged to him but the rest of the people at the meeting we held disagreed. And of course, he was wrong.” The Avatar tried his best to look  _ angry _ , instead looking a bit like an all-powerful shiny egg. “ _ The land belongs to the Air Nomads.” _ The pain dulled,  _ only part of the way there _ . Once out of my trance of calmness, I asked“What did you do with him?” “I nicely asked the two to get along since they both wanted to share my islands. Liang decided to threaten me, which isn’t very nice of him, so I told him to get out.” “And he was a member of the Empire?” I counter-asked, nobody understanding the subtext of what I was saying. Aang replied, sternly, “He claimed that he was settling the land in the name of the Earth Kingdom, but the Earth Kingdom has no right to the land and...he had no deeds or documents from the Palace that proved what he was doing was approved by the Palace.” “Wait, you said that these Kazu people were sent there by an Earth King. What’s the difference?”  _ Ahh. You’re good at calming the nerves, Princess.  _ “The difference is  _ they _ , the Kazu, were sent to caretake for the islands. This man just settled on his own, claiming he was sent.” I blurted out -the calming water pooling over my wound calmed me too far- “I believe we  _ did  _ send someone to settle that land.” Aang had a confused face for a  _ miao _ , then, “So can Your Earthlinesses...recall them?”  _ Quick, quick, quick, figure out a lie. Now. Before the world-ender does something stupid _ . “We sent them to...caretake for the islands” I nodded convincingly.  _ Dramatic pause _ . That worked. And my arm was finished. “The broken bone is healed, but the scar’s going to be there.” Katara gave me a genuine smile while tapping my light skin with her olive fingers. Now that I was healed, this obviously granted the Avatar the right to shove his face into mine. “So? Your Earthliness? What do you think?” Not one to understand his vagueness, I asked “Think about what?”  _ I hope I’m not forced to pick your wedding robes. _ “Creating a new nation where all four elements, all four peoples, can come together as one.”  _ Wait…. Wait. Wait. Wait. What? WHAT?  _ I properly pulled off an imitation of Toph, sarcastically saying “That sounds great. Can’t fail. Nope.” “Thank you!” he took... _ he took that seriously _ . “Can you...I don’t know, go back to your ‘Air Nation’ and…”  _ deep breath. Deep breath. He’s mad _ . “You know you can’t just create nations out of thin air, right?” and I stopped talking to look at the three of them and their expressions.  _ He’s serious. They’re all serious _ .

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the hands-on-hips Water Tribeswoman asked, hands on her hips. The Avatar, meanwhile, was curious. “Oh, wise Earthliness, any wisdom is appreciated. Especially from someone of your stature.”  _ How flowery. Did you learn that from Lao Beifong? Wait. Of course you did _ .  _ One world crisis at a time. New Taku’s on the other side of the continent compared to the Eastern Air Temple _ . “Avatar...my people…” I spoke like they were  _ mine _ when they were actually Toph’s, because if he thinks I have power, then more power to me.  _ I will not let him know that I don’t control as much as he thinks I do. I can use that against him _ . “We’ve come under attack from people from the Eastern Air Temple.”  _ Wait. Perhaps I can sabotage his entire ‘nation’ nonsense _ . “They flew biplanes and sailed ships and attacked Earth Empire ships.” Suddenly, Aang’s eyes grew in width before squinting. “They  _ what _ ?” He said it all shocked in tone. “I don’t know what Air Nomads they claim to be...but they attacked us!” I insisted, almost shouting. Katara looked over at me and tossed me some words, “That’s not possible” while Aang handed me some more words, “But we saw their lands. They don’t have any airfields.”  _ In the name of Her Imperial Majesty, they’re all lying to you aren’t they. You gullible, gullible, morons. Someone named Kazuhiro and the Eastern Air Temple? Really?  _ “You do realize that if you suddenly founded a nation, not everyone may be in favor of it” I proposed. Katara scoffed while Aang went “oh? Please explain?” So I did. I explained. I explained using what I knew. 

I took a serious deep breath and began. “Avatar, throughout the history of the Four Nations, ethnic groups  _ mostly  _ remain within their own little boundaries. But...when two ethnic groups meet, war is inevitable. Do you know what the greatest example of two groups meeting is?” and the Avatar, credit to him,  _ not that hard _ , nailed it. “The Hundred Year War?” I nodded. “The Hundred Year War was the result of Sozin sensing weakness in the Earth Kingdom. But...that’s not the only war.” I looked at the hallway and shouted “Captain Wuhan!” and moments later, the Northerner walked in. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Tell the Avatar about a war that’s lasted for generations. A war  _ you  _ know of better than the rest of us.” I watched his face contort into one of solemnity. I eyed him with ‘you know the one’ and he slowly nodded. He looked at the Avatar’s retinue. “The...Northern Water Tribe...and the Tribes of the Xishan and Xionglin...we have warred with the invading Northerners for hundreds of years.” The Avatar and his companions, not to my surprise, looked surprised. “Has the war ended?” I prevented Wuhan from speaking up. “Yes. It has.” He went wide-eyed,  _ it hasn’t stopped, the raids haven’t stopped _ , but then he got it. The Avatar’s response? “Good.” “Thank you, Captain, you’re dismissed.” He bowed his head and left. I caught the Avatar’s attention with hand motions of mine, namely two open palms. “And... _ Your Holiness _ …”  _ I know how to prop your ego up _ , “...we just returned from a conflict between the Suxu and Sunan peoples fighting sandbender raiders.”  _ My point?  _ “War will always happen when two differing groups are brought together.” I wasn’t done. I gave another example. “The peoples near the Great Divide have warred for generations on variations of the same story. The Plains of Gaolan, home to a hardy people, have been run over by a dozen warlords in recorded history,  _ alone _ .” Now that I had the Avatar’s full attention, “founding a new Nation, not only does it go against tradition, it’ll lead to ceaseless bloodshed since  _ everyone  _ claims New Taku and, as I said, ethnic groups don’t get along.” I gave him a little time to digest that. 

  
  


And New Taku? Built on ‘Air Nomad’ land that was occupied by the Fire Nation, in all reality it’s occupied Earth Empire land. All the Colonies are Earth Empire land. We talk about the Colonies being their own ‘thing’. That’s nonsense. They may have a fusion of cultures, but they are not their own sovereign entity. At some point we have to put our foot down and annex them. That’s rightfully Earth Empire land and there’s nothing the Avatar can say or do about it. There simply isn’t. New Taku itself is a small peninsula with a land claim on the mostly uninhabited mountains around it. I’m pretty certain there’s a holy site up in the mountains somewhere, but otherwise the only value in the land is that the coast has been a crossroads of sea traffic throughout the ages. Behind Ba Sing Se, it’s claim to fame is being ‘home’ to so many spiritualities and religions. Which makes sense. If all kinds of groups of people crossed through, as conquerors and settlers, then their ideologies are bound to have passed off to this piece of land. So the Air Nomads are one of many groups to lay claim to the land. I don’t even know if it’s ‘home’ to any spiritualities or if so many different cultures have shown up there that there’s something to pray to for everybody. It doesn’t matter, does it? If enough people believe Toph wields an invisible Mandate then she wields it. I believe it because at the end of the day, she’s extremely powerful and a populist leader at her heart. If enough people truly think that this piece of land is a,  _ as they call it _ , holy land, then it is. We might be able to point at it and say “no,  _ your  _ religion’s home is that desert over there” or “no,  _ your  _ spirituality is actually from a volcano” but what’s the point? The population is still uneducated masses. It’s the Empire’s land first and foremost and it will be since it’s part of this continent.

Back to the Avatar. He believes that the Earth Islanders who settled the Eastern Air Temple Islands are the people with suspiciously Fire Nation sounding names. I can’t really fault him for the gullible belief. If anyone found out the Earth Emperor was, both, named after a tree, and also had a Fire Nation sounding name, then they’d be in an uproar. So maybe he’s being,  _ what does he call it? _ , “forward-thinking.” Forward-thinking. The Earth Empire does not like change. I don’t know what a nation of ash led by an egg-shaped human calls ‘change,’ but that will never work with our rockheaded Imperials. And  _ this  _ is where multiple...perspectives converge. 

Because Prince Chong had something similar to this. Prince Chong, the man who sat inside the walls of the Royal Palace, conspiring to slowly rid his dynasty of his bureaucratic opponents. Prince Chong, citing the wisdom of Jianzhu, claims that a traditionalist view is what works. Force the peoples to submit to the Badgermole Throne and they will know their place. And not some nonsensical pretend formality,  _ true  _ submission. Which, that’s what we’ve been doing. We took a train southwest, south, east, and east again, to pacify lands that were in rebellion. We brought people, ethnic groups, under control of the Empire. But what are we coming home to? More bureaucrats. Ministers. For the Avatar, his lackadaisical systems may work because he’s a moron. But the Empire is huge. Beyond scale. There is nothing that can hold such a massive expanse of land together other than total power of the Badgermole Throne. 

And now I return home to a crisis in the making. I asked the Avatar about New Taku, and to that he told me that “Lord Lao Beifong has generously offered his wealth to help organize the city’s government.” I think someone new was elected to run the city. I asked about the whereabouts of Governor or Magistrate Loban, “Where’s Magistrate Loban? He was appointed by the Badgermole Throne.” “I don’t know” the Avatar replied.  _ Of course he didn’t know. _ So  _ I’ll  _ have to find this Loban, a loyal Magistrate, and learn what the  _ truth _ is. Because if the Avatar was lying, or rather, being misinformed, and New Taku is something far worse, then…  _ then that’s a problem _ .

The Avatar soon after departed, plucking Sokka out of someone else’s bedroom. Suki gave him a passionate kiss or fifteen as he left on Appa. The soldiers didn’t salute him. Ju-Long refrained from slicing his head off. We just...don’t care. The Avatar’s too busy with being the Avatar. His direction was unknown. Nobody told him that we rained fireworks and stone on the  _ daofei  _ of the northeast Si Wong. Our direction? We will return to Ba Sing Se, a city where I have nearly no power due to a system as old as the book I’m reading. The difference, of course, is I know someone who  _ can  _ get things done. Someone above the law. The Empress. But does she care?

Back to the Eastern Air Temple. From what I could gather, I believe that the Avatar supported one group -a bunch of ex Fire Nationals- over another group -the Earth Islanders who may or may not have been supporters of the Badgermole Throne- and as such resulted in the...well I don’t know but I’m going with persecution, of the Earth Islanders. Will the Avatar actually go after Kazuyoshi? Probably not. He’s off to bring peace to two quarreling tribes in the middle of some sandpit somewhere, probably. Or that’s what he implied. Which means, as always, it’s probably going to come down to me. I went to ask the Empress, she was having late lunch, “if the Eastern Air Temple turns out to be full of people we hate, am I going to lead the campaigns against them?” To that, she nodded. Prefering to keep her mouth open while chewing, “I would trust nobody else to do it” she said. That said, it was hard to hear her through the chewing. “So...if it happens, I’ll be leading a naval invasion?” “Yes, Kyoshi. Now, let me eat.”

We returned to Ba Sing Se not long before nightfall -remember, long days- to lots of music and an entire Imperial Procession waiting for us. An Imperial Carriage with twenty ostrich horses drawing it. With another entire column of gold-and-green armored ostrich horse Imperial Guards prepared to escort us. While the entire Central Axis Road kowtowed to the horn blares and gong soundings of Her Imperial Majesty’s arrival, I took Suki and sauid “let’s go for a walk.” She agreed, “We need some time away from all the…” I finished the statement for her, “Formalities?” “Yeah. Those.” And the two of us, just the two of us, went for a walk.

We walked down a side street in the Upper Ring, one with a few lanterns. We walked down this road, a border between urban and rural. On our ride, rural countryside with the dim lights of noble’s  _ siheyuans  _ in the distance. On our left, a row of small government houses two stories tall.

As we walked down this road, a cloaked figure appeared on the other end of the road. Suki and I put our hands on our hilts. Just...in case. Then the figure walked beneath a lantern-light and threw his black-green cloak off. 

His face was as pale as a corpse. His cheekbones were pronounced against shrunken skin. His two eyebrows were arched like drawn bows. His mustache was curved like a thin crescent moon. His fingers were bony, and his nails were like daggers. His fully white chest-length beard came to a sharp point. He wore a simple green robe with a thin white trim running down it’s edges. His robe’s cuffs were just like those of the Dai Li’s, with white in place of gold. 

And there was not a single wrinkle to be seen.

It was his eyes, his light green eyes, very similar to Toph’s. Where hers carried a lifeless beauty, his brought a chill to my neck.  _ It was his eyes.  _ Those eyes, that figure, the robes...

“I serve the Line of Kyoshi. I am here to serve once more.”

_ I  _ fell into a kowtow out of respect.

Lao Ge had returned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, IT'S LAO GE TIME! YES, HE HAS RETURNED!  
> GET HYPE  
> THEN GET MORE HYPE
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Politically Inept Folks (Or: The Avatar is still not that qualified to do anything worldly):  
> -Fun fact, don't rip a arrow (or crossbow bolt) out of a wound. Our universe doesn't have metalbenders.  
> -Double fun fact, there's a case to be made for arrows (or bolt) being more fatal than a bullet. Bullets pass through the body. Arrows and bolts likely won't.  
> -Cauterizing wounds does a good job of stopping bleeding. Side effect may include: screaming  
> -The Imperial Militia don't take forever to muster (a day or two at most), but the rapid advance of the lightning strike is demonstrative of how fast the Sunan Riders were.  
> -Toph oftentimes takes counsel from Lord Qiangyang. The two mutually agree on most things, including the peasants being right, helping to build up the Lower Ring, going to war with people that don't like Toph, and of course, 'Kyoshi' being the best of pillows/commanders/Consorts.  
> -Records of His Royal Highness, Crown Prince Chong-Shan is the personal account of one Prince Chong-Shan, the same aformentioned character.  
> -His eccentric-ism is not properly conveyed in this writing. He's a drunk people-loving Prince. The Prince you read about here is younger and less partygoing.  
> -Yes, he was friends -through his father, the then Crown Prince- with General Chin. The very same Chin who'd become a warlord and would be killed by Kyoshi.  
> -Chong's jian scabbard was taken from Tagaka.  
> -The Northwest Rebellion is what kickstarted Chin's conquests.  
> -There's no better time for a reflection on history than when giving someone a neck and back massage.  
> -This marks another instance where the concept of peasant officials, an old system in the Kingdom that is based on the real Chinese Imperial Examination ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_examination ). In real life, the bureaucratic class of China wasn't inherited nobility, it was made of the students with the best scores on these difficult examinations. Scholar-bureaucrats, they're called. They were still quite corruptible and similarly ambitious, but at least the entrance tests were hard. If the system worked in real life, it makes sense that the Earth Kingdom -a continent spanning regime- would also benefit from scholar-bureaucrats.  
> -The reference to Yu Dao is when the Avatar kicked down a door -breaking the law, obviously- and caught the two Imperials in an identical back massage scenario. (Poor Imperials can't catch a break from the Egg).  
> -Wei and Shen aren't just comic relief, they are Dai Li agents first and foremost.  
> -Captain Wuhan would've restarted the Avatar cycle right there had Mori not intervened. Yes, the Imperial Guard take their jobs seriously.  
> -The Majia and the Zheng are tribes from Xishan. They happen to be fierce allies.
> 
> -Aang reinvents the Air Nation courtesy the manipulation of some no-name low ranked official. Yes, he's gullible.  
> -This will return a lot in the near future, but Canon never played with people pretending to be on his side for the Acolytes then doing whatever they wanted. In real life, opportunists would jump on this pacifist order in a moment's notice. The closest we've gotten in canon is mustache-twirling 'bender supremacists' whose 'plots' to manipulate the Avatar last for 20-odd pages and that's it.  
> -I understand that Avatar is by-and-large made so children can absorb it. This isn't that.  
> -If you're reading chapter 41's notes, you've probably realized this already, but in case you haven't: this is a mesh of Avatar with a more realistic attempt at politics and intrigue (think Three Kingdoms' Cao Cao, or, for Western readers, Game of Thrones' Littlefinger and Varys).  
> -Mori doesn't want this 'new nation' for a variety of reasons:  
> 1) The Empire claimed the land and he's not going to give that up.  
> 2) It's bound to be corrupted by opportunistic craven villains who act peaceful and do the opposite  
> 3) It throws off the balance (or imbalance) of power in the current Four Nations. The Empire is the strongest and if they are forced to start losing land then they stop being the strongest.  
> 4) There's a strategic point to holding the Air Temple Islands. Garrisoned with Empire flags means pirates and bandits can't take up residence there. Air Nomads aren't as militarized.
> 
> -New Taku (or proto-Republic City, since it's built in the same spot) is based on holy lands from throughout history. Every single power claims them as their own. Of course, just as in the real world, the matters of who possesses holy lands and holy sites are up to lots (and lots) of debates (everyone's an authority/expert, looking at you Reddit).  
> -Lao Ge has returned.


	42. Friendly Immortal Assassin Man (At the Tavern)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The near-omniscient immortal assassin introduces the Kyoshi Islanders to a side of Ba Sing Se they haven't seen before.
> 
> Or, for the rest of us,  
> LAO GE'S BACK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying this, a comment or a kudos would be appreciated. 
> 
> Also, 20 kudos! Thank you all, guests and named humans alike!
> 
> GET HYPE, LAO GE'S BACK

Chapter One Hundred and Eight:

“How do you know this man?” she looked at me while her stance wavered.  _ I know, it’s not normal for the Emperor, or rather, it’s not normal for your cousin to randomly drop in fealty to cloaked figures _ . I gave Suki my full attention. “I know him. He knows us.” She watched me warily, as if to say ‘you’re not even looking at him’. And she’d be right. I wasn’t. I knew, I knew that he would never harm a member of the Line of Kyoshi. I gestured with an open palm to him and calmly,  _ no this wasn’t an act _ , bowed. “Master Lao Ge, I’m honored to meet you again.” He grinned. His grin only made the heroically steadfast Kyoshi Warrior shiver.  _ We all shiver when we first meet him _ .

“Wait...Master Lao Ge, like...the...immortal guy from Kyoshi’s folktales?” Suki’s stuttering was emblematic of how far his grin, alone, could take him.  _ For once, I know something you don’t _ . “Who do you, Suki, daughter of Oyaji?, take me for? Master Lee of Lee’s Cuisine?” and he snorted at his own joke. She looked like she had seen a ghost. And considering the one light pole, his pale-skinned face, and originally wearing that cloak, he  _ looked  _ like a ghost. His corpse-colored skin tone made him look like a walking ghost. “I saw you going out for a stroll, though I’d… hop” and he gave a small hop, “on in. Do I have Your Majesty’s permission?” and he kowtowed to me. Then Suki turned to me and mouthed  _ wait-you-know-Lao-Ge-and-have-him-on-our-side and-he’s-asking-you-for-permission _ so I turned to her and mouthed  _ yes-I-do-and-yes-I-have-and-yes-he-is _ then looked at him and said “by all means, Master Lao, join us.” 

Suki needed another few  _ fen  _ to figure out what just happened. She pointed at me but didn’t point at the master assassins for his ‘casual’ smile was enough to scare her finger away. “You...how have the two of you met?” Lao Ge bowed. “He and I have met many, many, times.”  _ Many?  _ “I recall meeting you once...when I was a little kid. You told me about winter and waterbenders. Then we met the fall before now. Then we met on the final day of the Hundred Year War.” “Your cousin is right. But we  _ also  _ met many other times, for part of my duty to the Line of Kyoshi was occasionally ensuring that her descendants were training.”  _ Training _ . Suki reacted about as well as I would’ve in half the time, “ _ You watched us?!? _ ”. “Not really. I was busy. The Hundred Year War couldn’t end itself, my lady.” She looked at me with an agape face. “He…” but she stuttered and staggered and stopped speaking. “Yes, Suki. He’s the very same as the folktales.” “My folktales do me a disservice. They always forget the entire cast of mummers I had to kill to get to the Fire Lord.” “Mummers?” my cousin mumbled. “Mummers.” I asserted. “Suki, just...let’s go for a walk.” and I took her  _ very _ confused hand and started walking down the road. The immortal assassin kept smiling.

The Upper Ring somehow manages to be both rural pasture land -except replace hard working farmers with well-maintained estates- and urban cityscapes. We follow a side road, a string of lanterns on poles, with estates off to one side and the packed in houses of government workers on the other. The Moon was somewhere above us, probably entertained by the gait of one eccentric old man and the two wary teenagers following him. Not that I was wary, I was…  _ okay maybe I was a bit wary _ . The Immortal walked this paved quiet side road with his hands out wide, his stroll wherever he wanted it to be, and his voice a drunken kind of ecstatic. 

“I’m so happy to see you two again!” he proudly declared. “Didn’t you previously say you were stalking me?” I asked from behind, earning Suki’s  _ what?  _ face. Yes, she had returned to consciousness. No, she didn’t drop her literal and figurative distance. Uncharastically distant. I say this like I was calm. I wasn’t. He wasn’t going to harm us, but… the air was always cold around him. He laughed his drunken laugh. “I was  _ following  _ Your Majesty. It’s one thing to watch from a distance. It’s another to show up and interact. Wouldn’t you think the same?”  _ Should I even question watching from a distance? That’s like asking if the Badgermole Throne has a stone badgermole built behind it _ . What intrigued me was the...logistics of his claim. It was well within possibility, but  _ how _ . “How did you get past the...Dai Li...and the Imperial Guards” and I glanced at my cousin “and Suki?” He laughed his hoarse snorting laugh, then in a serious -not that serious- tone, “A master knows his students’ tricks, son.” “What are you on about?” the wavering Captain asked.  _ Oh Suki, Master Lao is a man of many claims. Learn to know this. _

Instead of speaking, he stopped his walk, cracked his wrists with two big  _ pop _ s, and summoned a thin layer of stone from a nearby building to become a pair of rock gloves. Then he, on the spot, heel-spun to the left, walked over to a building, and scaled the side of someone’s city-side three story house with his hands with the ease of climbing a staircase with one’s feet. Silently. The two of us backed up, since for all we knew the entire structure could collapse, and watched him climb up to the top of the building. When he reached the top, he planted one of his hands into the stone making a small  _ crack  _ sound and let go with the other. He turned his head and greeted us with a wave. A wave as easy as one standing on the ground might give. As if to one-up himself in the eyes of his wards, he let go with most of his planted hand until a single finger remained. So there he was, hanging onto a wall with a single rock glove finger, waving to us, all the while as still as a dead man. 

“Wait…” Suki muttered quietly. But Lao Ge heard her. As such, he paused his demonstration and waited. And waited. And waited. Her eyes revealed that she didn’t believe it. My good eye would wish to agree. She didn’t believe what she was about to say, and that’s why she said it with a heavy lean on the question. “You...trained the Dai Li?” He quietly chuckled and pointed at the road. Then he launched a single finger of the rock glove. By the time it hit the paving stone, he had kicked off the wall and landed on the ground as gracefully as an airbender. “I gave them some  _ point _ ers.” Suki looked at me like I’d somehow give her advice. I didn’t. She might’ve started saying something, “I…” but she trailed into nothingness. This was quickly stacking up to be... _ bonkers?  _ Something like that. He bowed to her, then to I. “Remember, my young wards, it’s always a good idea to be-” and he raised both hands to the starry sky, leaned back, and  _ boomed  _ “-silent!”. 

Of course, this attracted the attention of others. Was it his intention to do so? Was it not his intention to do so? We may never know. A lantern was lit in the house the Immortal had used for climbing practice and the two of us who weren’t the Immortal scanned the surroundings for cover. “That grass right there” the Immortal quietly helped us, then he helped us further by walking off the road and lying down in the grass. I followed him and Suki followed me. While the three of us -Suki and I together and the Immortal a few paces to our side- lay there, the Immortal gave us another pointer. “Remember, that lantern only lights so much. The shadows conceal all.” The lantern was carried up to the third story. He pointed at the one window with any light, dim light, emanating from it. “See how the light’s dim? That means they’re not near the window.” “I take it you learned this from experience?” Quietly, he explained himself. “Nobles on this continent have a thousand different kinds of those lanterns. Flames can only illuminate so much. The shadows consume the rest. Now Caldera’s a whole other tiger-moose lion to wrestle-” but he was interrupted by two voices from somewhere up there talking. A man’s panicked voice. “You! Take Jin and get into the tunnels. They’ll take care of you!” and a woman’s “No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening!”. A baby started crying, drowning their conversation out with wails. The assassin quietly snorted in laughter. Suki leaned back and looked past me at this snorting Lao Ge. He spotted her blue eyes from the corner of his and calmed down. He spoke a question that was on my mind -and probably Suki’s- “Why?” I nodded. “Now...by loudly shouting, they’ve just given away their plans to the listening shadows.” “Which…” but Suki didn’t finish that statement. Lao Ge pointed at the roof above the house. “ _ The  _ shadows. The ones that-” he was cut short by them yelling and the sound of smashing pottery, “-have haunted their dreams for some time. Good for them, they’re not haunted by more pragmatic shadows. Or maybe the shadows are late.” 

A half a  _ fen  _ passed while the two and their wailing baby made more noise than intended. “Come, now. We wouldn’t want to scare them” and the Immortal got up and strolled down the street. “We...but…” I didn’t continue, I just got up and followed the old man. Suki gave another look up at the dimly lit window, then pursued us. While walking, the Immortal sighed. “If this was back in the good old days, the agents would’ve been here a  _ dian  _ ago.” “Good old…” Suki didn’t continue that. “Yes, my lady. I don’t think the current Head of the Dai Li will tolerate such tardiness. I never did. These toddlers should be grateful I don’t run this or I’d have their heads.” Suki quietly murmured “ _ run this _ ” and I nodded my head along with her. “If these are revolutionaries, a single  _ fen  _ late could mean the deaths of hundreds if not thousands.” He pointed towards the Imperial Palace...which was somewhere out there...to our northwest. “A single revolutionary could carry knowledge that the Dai Li would need to know. And this is the Upper Ring. Those two either know someone important or they  _ are  _ someone important. Some peasant is useless, but a servant of a noble or a noble or a government official? They likely know far more than average.” He stopped for a  _ miao _ , turned towards us, and brought his fist down on his palm. “The Dai Li’s tardiness will mean, at best, a servant who knew that his or her crimes would come back to hurt them. At worst, a noble with ties to others.” I couldn’t look him in his eyes. His faded green pupils were squinting towards the road we came down. His voice made me shiver. “The Dai Li  _ will  _ be punished for this.” Suki, not looking at the assassin, asked a counter. “But we were the ones to scare them awake.” “And the Dai Li should’ve captured them already. Or they should be about to.” 

  
  


We rounded an unnamed corner. We might’ve continued, but the old man raised his hand and halted. We walked  _ up  _ to him and halted just before crashing into him. “What is it?” Suki asked, turning her head from the side to the side to look around. “Truck’s coming” and a moment later, he dived past us and into an alleyway. Sure enough, far ahead of us, a truck was driving down this small side road. And it really wanted to drive at absolutely the highest-possible speed and produce a lot of noise while doing so. Because we don’t want to be run over, Suki grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. What we didn’t predict, not thinking that far ahead in all this, was that the truck would’ve spotted us. The truck came to a stop and someone with a cold voice somewhat like Lao Ge’s yelled “Over there!”.  _ Wait, cold voice… _ I broke free of Suki’s grip and ran back into the street. A pair of conical hat men were sliding towards me. 

_ Is my eyepatch still on? It is.  _ I pulled it off and held it out ahead of me. One of the two stopped before the other and shouted “he’s wearing blue! Water Tribe spy!”. I slapped myself in the face. I counter yelled “No, I’m the Emperor” and waved the eyepatch around like a child twirling a string. “No you’re not, he’s in the Imperial Palace” the first agent angrily stated with his commanding ‘I’m right’ statement. I squinted at the first agent and tried to eye him in his eyes. “No he’s not. He’s standing right here,” but, well, the Dai Li aren’t such fans of that. “Really? Where is he?” asked the second one, being sarcastic.  _ They don’t take me seriously. Fine _ . Then the first one snatched the eyepatch from my hand and tipped his head to look at it. Then he un-tipped his head to look at me. I opened my right eyelid to reveal a lack of eye. The agent somehow looked at it without showing me his eyes,  _ well he’s shorter than me so it’s possible _ . “Since when did the Emperor have a fake eye?” he asked in an accusatory tone.  _ Are...how bureaucratic are you people?  _ I told them the truth.  __ “My betrothed made it for me” A third agent showed up, might’ve done something arrest-like, but paused upon seeing me and my crossed arms. He pointed at me and my crossed arms and shouted, “that’s His Imperial Majesty, you Imperial idiots!” I didn’t bow to him, I don’t need to, but I mouthed a ‘thank you’. The two looked me over before dropping into bows. Then the third agent went “since when has Your Majesty chosen to walk around in Imperial Informal wear?” and again, I slapped my face.  _ Oh wait, you aren’t all connected in the head.  _ “Is that really your place to ask?” I countered. I might’ve caught a glimpse of his slight  _ oh-I’m-so-dead _ facial expression as he joined the other two in a bow. I was growing tired of this already and gestured for the three to rise. The agent summoned his humbler voice and stated “I was simply asking since such clothes...well Your Majesty could get cold.” From the alleyway to our side, Suki broke out into laughter. “Who’s  _ there _ ?” one of the agents asked, turning to the side. “My cousin. We went out for an evening stroll together.” then I looked past the three and at the truck, “and what are you three doing out here?” The third agent, the only one with a beard, pulled a scroll out of his robes. “Lists.” I don’t know if I was ‘allowed’ to see his list or not but he showed it to me anyways. He pointed at some names with his rock glove “I need to kill him and toss him in his sister’s house,”  _ point  _ “kill him and blame it on the neighbors,”  _ point  _ “arrest the neighbors for killing their neighbor”,  _ point  _ “and there’s these officials that need to get arrested.”  _ Well that all sounds quite reasonable to me _ . I looked at his hat. “And they all live here?” “The nearest one is one block over, Your Majesty.” “Carry on then” and I waved a  _ go past me _ wave. As they turned to go back to their truck, I shouted loud enough to wake up the entire block, “do any of you know a good tavern open this late?” and one of the pair stopped, turned, and bowed to me. “Of course, One Hahnded, Your Majesty!”  _ What kind of name is that?  _ “Carry on, go on and arrest those traitors!” and they went on. So the three slid back, hopped into their truck, drove past, only to round the corner we just came around in a hurry. Then my two companions emerged. “That was a close one” commented the elder Immortal and “‘evening stroll together?’ Did you  _ have  _ to phrase it like we were from the Water Tribes?” from the younger Captain. I looked over at Lao Ge and asked “let me guess, you know exactly where ‘One Handed’ is?” and he laughed. “Of course, also it’s ‘One  _ Hah _ nded,’ since the owner is named Hahn and he’s got one hand.”  _ Of course that’s the name.  _ Why did I want to go to a tavern? Taverns are great places to meet people, and this is the Upper Ring.

We arrived in time to hear the middle of a joke and watch it from outside a window. Namely, a drunk individual standing on a small podium saying a joke. “-So I was having this wonderful conversation with the Lieutenant about how it’s a bad idea to walk through this pass, and what do you  _ think _ happened next?”. “The Lieutenant took an arrow to the face?” asked one of the many patrons from his table. The man on the stage shook his head before shouting “Ballista bolt. Man always told us about getting ‘ahead’ in life, and there he was!” And the entire tavern let out an uproar of laughter. We walked through the front doors, somehow avoiding to attract attention -actually it’s not somehow, the entire tavern was watching this man- and Lao Ge went up to the waitress, smoothly said “table for three” and pointed at the two of us -Suki without her makeup and me not wearing my eyepatch and my hair tucked inside my robes- and the waitress nodded. She led us over to a table by the door and the three of us took our seats. Suki facing the entrance, me facing the opposite wall, and Lao Ge facing the two of us. 

This tavern was packed. Round tables that seated four each were, in a pattern, placed all over the middle. The tavern counter sat in the back, as they often do, while a man with, surprise surprise, one real hand and one fake metal one, was pouring drinks. As for the tavern goers, they were a mix of people dressed as soldiers of the Imperial Army, members of the Home Guard and servant-clothed individuals. Despite being in the Upper Ring, this place lacked any nobility or their fancy clothes. Or queues. And the man on the stage was one of these ‘I’ve lived through two frontal charges’ men. He had a large bladed weapon scar running up his left cheek, almost reaching his eye. On the hand that he probably uses -his right hand- to thrust spears and swing  _ dao _ , a burn wound. After the laughter had subsided, the man behind the counter yelled out, hoarse, “who’s next?” and the crowd did a bunch of murmuring. Men and women were trying to peer-pressure one stepping up there and saying something. I looked over at a soldier, or his uniform would make him one, sitting at a table across the aisle from me and asked “what’s all this about?” He turned around and said “oh, It’s Battle Night. Craziest, wildest story wins free dinner and drinks.”  _ Battle Night. Couldn’t get more original?  _ “Thanks” and I went back to looking around. Or, was going to, but the tavern goers began chanting someone’s name which in turn caught my attention. “Wu! Go you!” and sure enough, some soldier got up, punched the air -earning more cheering and table hitting- and walked up to the podium or stage or dais or whatever the Lower Ring term for it is. He didn’t have any noticeable scars and save the dirty clothes, looked like nearly any other soldier of the Imperial Army. Lao Ge put his hands behind his head, Suki rested hers on the table and I rested mine on my knees.

“First things first. Anyone ever been up north?” he asked, leaning back to let the audience give their answers. Someone in the crowd shouted “How far up north? We’re already in the north!” which earned lots of “He’s right!”s and “Yeah!”s. “The real north”  _ How ‘real’ is north?  _ But the crowd, being a bunch of uneducated peasants, didn’t really understand what he was talking about. And neither did I. “Hands, please. Anyone here been to the Northern Water Tribe?” and before Suki’s hand could impale the ceiling...metaphorically... I grabbed her hand and whispered “no, blowing, cover.”  _ Why? Why not. It’s more dramatic. Also, we don’t want to give away our cover to a bunch of drunks. _ Otherwise, a few people at the tables raised their hands. “Our story takes us back…” and like a storyteller, he made his voice deep and impressive. “Far in the north in the land of ice and snow, there’s these people. Water Tribes people.” and immediately the crowd starts boo-ing. Not him, hopefully. “When those tight self-righteous cousin-marriers  _ disgraced  _ our Empress, I was sent to go capture that giant blue thing at the center of their capital.” and he was interrupted by cheering. Mostly “Yeah!”s and “Kill those savages!” and “They regretted messing with us that day!” among others.  _ Stop shouting! But he’s not even at the good part yet _ . 

A different waitress showed up and inquired as to what we’d like. “How can I help you three?” “Do you have Clear Whiskey?” asked Lao Ge. “Yes.” and then the man who’s never shared a conversation with Suki and all of... _ three _ ...with me, went “three Clear Whiskies then.” and we both looked at him with jaws-dropped. “How did you know?” Suki said, her voice jumping up in amazement. I quietly pointed out “He  _ stalked  _ us, you know.” The old man snickered. “I prefer the term ‘followed’ myself. And...I always loved Kyoshi’s alcoholic invention. I mean...I loved all of her inventions. Fan people, an island, shadow people, alcohol!” and he lightly tapped the table in amusement.  _ Right…  _ Suki got the right idea in avoiding asking him any questions. Or...maybe she was going to, but she was interrupted by the entertaining storyteller and his story of a grand campaign all launched in the name of seal jerky…

“I don’t know how many of you have seen people flying about in giant pillars of water, plucking people out of lines and tossing them into the next nation over, but it’s side-splittingly hilarious!” and the crowd, as expected, laughed. “So my platoon is told to charge one of these monsters! This middle-aged man’s in his water pillar and he pulls out his ‘I’m going to tentacle all of you’ face and suddenly his pillar has eight tentacles popping out of the sides. Lieutenant Lee draws his  _ dao  _ and threatens to execute anyone that runs, so some guy who’s name I forgot decides that he’ll earthbend the pillar. Except,  _ get this _ , we’re standing on ice. So he gets into his ostrich horse stance, yells ‘For the Queen!’ and punches the pillar with his fist. Then this waterbender notices his shouting and,  _ get this _ , grabs him with a tentacle and smashes him into a house.”  _ Right, how did our armies beat theirs again? We were attacking with earthbenders. On ice. Against a city. On ice. And we aren’t firebenders so the sunlight didn’t do much. And our forces are surrounded by water.  _ “So we kept tossing people at this one waterbender until he got tired and his water pillar fell over. Then I ran in and chopped his arms off. So he’s all ‘oh no my Chief’s so dead’ and only  _ then  _ did I realize I was the last of my battalion to live.”  _ Right. We won with attrition _ . While the crowd applauded him, the waitress returned with three goblets of Kyoshi Island’s favorite homebrewed brew that we brew in the back of our homes. 

“Then I run inside this big blue building and, get this, the walls are made of  _ ice _ . Except by the time I got there all those cowards had fled. Some officer I didn’t know was telling us to clear the Palace so where did I go? I was really thirsty and got lost. Couldn’t drink the ice. It’s ice and the retreating savages entombed some of our men, still breathing, in the walls. They tried to scare us, didn’t work. So I wandered and I wandered, and men, what am I going to say next?” and he paused to let everyone toss in their ideas. “Get this?” I shout from all the way in the back. “That child is right!”  _ Hey. I’m no...fine _ . Then he continued retelling his story. “So,  _ get this _ , I found this pond! No really! There’s a pond at the back of the Palace. There were these two fish swimming about, but I’m allergic to fish. Next to the pond, I found some soldier, each of his fingers and toes were cut off and tossed about, and someone hastily wrote ‘this is what will happen to you’ in blood on his tunic. I didn’t know what the sign meant, so I took a drink from the pond.” and he pauses to lick his lips. “Best water of my life.” then, back to his normal happy-to-retell-this voice, “so after I took this drink I heard some guy yelling ‘No! Don’t kill the fish!’ and I turned to the shadow and told him ‘but I have a fish allergy.’ Out of the shadows stumbled this man, dressed in fancy blue robes and white furs, sobbing. He was all ‘I’ll surrender to you, just don’t harm the fish!’ and I looked at him and went ‘again, I’m allergic to fish’ but he didn’t care. He surrendered to me and I dragged him out of that room and handed him over to someone else while I went to loot.” I’m half of the mind that this man is lying. Perhaps a folk story told by soldiers. The first half was probably true, but a  _ pond _ ? A pond with fish in it? Really? In the Northern Water Tribe? Is-or-was he on cactus juice?  _ Wait what am I saying? I’m betrothed to someone who invented a new form of bending. And I fly a biplane. Is a pond really the craziest story I’ve heard?  _ Then it hit me that I’m next to an immortal knower of all. 

“Lao, is the pond story true?” Being unaware of what I’m thinking, he asked “Is what pond story true?” he swigged down some of his cup. “A pond up there in the Northern Water Tribe?” “It’s true. There’s these two fish there. The water’s also Spiritual.” “Spiritual water…”  _ what?  _ I know it  _ makes  _ sense, but it doesn’t  _ make  _ sense. “Yeah. You know how the folk tales have plot armor?”  _ Yeah…  _ “Of course. Good guys win.” “Well this is plot armor but water. Drink it and it makes you invincible or invulnerable or...I don’t remember. I knew this Abbot that once drank some of it and he was able to sleep with  _ all  _ the Nuns during the Air Nomad Spring Fertility Festival.” “But…” I cut myself off. Suki spoke up for me. “Should we, perhaps...you know, take some of this water for its use?” The Immortal gave her this creepy wide smile. “We could. Not today. But we could.” 

A full story had come and gone -regarding a duelist and a fighting pit on the edge of the Si Wong- and the call came out for another story. “You have any good stories, Lao? Surely, your...knowledge of history…” but I didn’t continue that sentence for fear of being overheard. He looked at the doorway, then the ceiling, then the podium. “For you two, sure, I have a story.” and he stood up and changed his voice to sound drunk. “I volunteer!” All eyes looked at him. One of the men sitting at a table, glass in one hand, the other resting on the table, asked “You a duelist, elder?” He shrugged. “I’m an unfair duelist and I’ve had my unfair share of them” and he bowed to rousing applause. Suki leaned in to me and whispered “I take it unfair duelists are more popular than fair ones.” I cupped my hand to her ear to say “Unfair duelists live longer.” She nodded in agreement.

The Immortal took to the podium. “My story takes us back a few hundred years!” One of the women, a servant girl, yell-asked “How would you know the story?” and the room erupted in similar questions. The man chuckled. “I knew this man who knew this man who knew the story, first hand! The man, a firebender, who knew the man lived to be a hundred twenty!” and the room quieted down. Old people are more common than one may think. “There was this young member of royalty! He wasn’t the best, nor was he the brightest, but he was alive during the days of Kyoshi’s creation of the Dai Li! Now, because he was royalty, everyone’s favorite seven Jian foot tall Avatar assigned some Dai Li to guard him! But, surprise surprise, the man took to not appreciating his bodyguards.” The Immortal looked at the doorway and bowed to the darkness outside, as if the darkness was also enjoying the performance. “Anyways, the successional line brings him a  _ little  _ closer to something important, so our favorite Avatar tosses this experienced lone agent at him to guard him. She’s all the stereotypes of the Dai Li except, like the Earth Kingdom during the Hundred Year War, the Spirits just  _ do, not, favor, her _ .” The men and women around the table laughed and cackled.  _ Ah yes, we were all fortunate enough to face all of the Fire Nation, all of the time _ . “Anyways, this young man and her...or so I’ve been told...grew affinity. Why, you soldiers may ask? Well he’s a man and she’s a woman.” Then he ‘leaned’ over and ‘whispered’ “And I don’t need to explain how that works, do you? You’re all old enough, right?” I felt a double meaning from this. “Is he referring to all of us being toddlers in compared to-” but Suki hit me in the back. “I’m still amazed  _ he’s… _ ” “real?” “Yeah.” Nobody could hear our private discussion over all the laughter. Back to the story…

“Man is infatuated with woman and lavishes her with gifts, woman does what she can to protect him, and, as a lady and mother I once knew… long ago… said, ‘men just  _ want  _ to toss themselves into stupid scenarios.’ Side note, her daughters also tossed themselves into stupid scenarios.” The room followed him. We followed him. Or… I did, Suki whispered ‘Is he talking about, you know, Kyoshi?’ and I, being the vastly intelligent knowledge of  _ every  _ single piece of encyclopedic information ever, realized she was right. “I...yeah...it would make sense that...yeah. Probably is.” Thus, the irony of a story that he was telling to everyone -and also telling us, the people who knew who he was- was not lost on me. Back to his storytelling, “So this man does something  _ really  _ stupid. He pays for it, courtesy...well...someone… I think someone shadowy had someone from Court try to kill him. The attempt fails, he gets a concussion, the Dai Li agent gets the hots for him because cripples are  _ far  _ more attractive than us mortal upright types!” and the crowd burst into a chorus of laughter. “Man recovers from concussion and gets dragged into this plot to try and usurp the Earth King! Yes! The same plot that included the Crown Prince at the time, Chong! Yes, Crown Prince Chonger!” and the crowd punches the air in support of a long-dead man who’s been long dead and...something something tossed gold at people and that’s why they liked him. The Immortal continued. “Did you all know, he got the name ‘Chonger’ from a waterbender?”  _ No. We didn’t know.  _ Someone, somewhere, in the crowd yelled out “What’s the relevance to this man and his love with the Dai Li lady?” and the rest of the crowd demanded  _ that  _ story be furthered. 

“So the usurpation attempt fails. This man that was dragged into it, clearly not wanting to be tried alongside actual criminals, decides the  _ best  _ thing to do is lavish his secret lover with treats and back massages and… you all know where this is going! Yes! That’s right! Secret lovers! Anyways,  _ some  _ of you may know that royalty and Dai Li aren’t supposed to...well...date. Obligations and responsibilities and ‘chastity’ according to the man who  _ established  _ the rules and  _ wanted _ -” he stressed ‘wanted’ “-his agents to focus on the job first and foremost. Now, when I found… out from the man who told me the story… that this woman had suspiciously had a child, I wondered… if the person running it at the time would’ve killed her or not! Turns out, whoever that man was, he may be called tyrannical and evil and a thousand other names, but he didn’t!”

“So this young lady gives birth to a healthy son! And that’s!” and he tapped his foot against the podium “...when the story starts going off the rails! The young man, Jianjin, never knows his father, lest an illegitimate royal bastard is discovered!, and his mother tries her best to raise him! He’s a prestigious earthbender from a young age, and thanks to his mother teaching him of his mysterious father’s loyalty and honor -irony of ironies, neither of them were honorable considering he even existed- he went on to join the Dai Li. Being a very good earthbender and being given...the right tutelage towards loyalty, loyalty as the Dai Li would dictate, he went on to become a prestigious member of the Dai Li! Many years on, he’d even become the Grand Secretariat!” Nobody knew where this story was going except Lao Ge. That said, the former assassin knew how to keep things with an air of dramatic. Every sentence ended with an exclamation to make it sound as prideful as a boast of prowess. And, as I just said, none of us knew where he was going with this.  _ He certainly did, though _ .

“Unlike his mother, Jianjin went on to have a legal affair, which is what we call marriage! His two children were  _ also  _ good earthbenders. While his firstborn, his son was more interested in...un Dai Li like activities, his secondborn, his daughter, a lady named Huang, took her childhood seriously.” And he stomped the ground. “ _ Seriously _ . Let’s just say the shadows favored her and eventually, she’d get the Grand Secretariat, too.” 

“Unlike her grandmother, Huang did  _ not  _ fall for any young Princes running around with their oh-so-attractive concussions. It’s-” he whispered, loudly, “- _ rumored _ -” then resumed his normal lighthearted unsettling voice, “-that she killed the right people. Or maybe the shadows did. Eitherway, people died and she got herself a Dai Li agent for a husband. And you thought your job was tough! She had a few sons, no daughters, which, sadly for her means she couldn't raise an identical version of her. One pulled a Kyoshi Islander and died of stupid, one joined the Dai Li, dropped out, and probably founded a cadet branch with half of the Lower Ring, and her youngest, Yuan, would be the only intelligent one of the three and eventually, he, too, would take her place.”

“Three peasant rebellions came and went before he was even Grand Secretariat and he knew that if his line, if the Dai Li, wanted to continue, he’d have to be a bit stricter. For Yuan saw his mother and saw the achievements that came before him and he did something that his predecessors had yet to do. He made his legacy come first. Yuan chose a lady, a daughter of a different less-known Dai Li line, as his wife. It was mutual, or so the poetry claimed. The two went on to have five children. His descendants would  _ have  _ to join the Dai Li, and they’d be expected, from birth, to follow in their predecessors' footsteps. His children fought for the top ranks and Xianyu, the third child with the smallest feet and a small stature, was the one to win them out.”

“The expectations were set for the line of jade-eyes to do well, and the short Xianyu would keep them going. As Grand Secretariat, he faced backlash for implementing yet further strict reforms. He took a wife, some poets claimed she was distant kin, and had three children. Of which, only one survived the plague that crept across the city in those years. Luojian was given a task: beat everyone else in the Academy and become Grand Secretariat. If that wasn’t hard enough, he was expected to keep his father’s legacy going. Hard to do when his father joined his siblings in an early demise. But, yet, this young Luojian would press on.”

“He never achieved the rank of Grand Secretariat. He spent most of his days serving some reformer Grand Secretariat, I don’t remember the name but I’m quite certain the corrupt man died in his sleep of a special shirishu blended poison. That’s what the poems say. Luojian, in the meantime, would go on to take a wife and have as many children as possible. Was it fear of yet another plague’s return? Was it something else? Was it the foresight of an assassin warning him that heirs are a man -or woman’s- most important treasure?” The Immortal shrugged. 

“Luojian did as most of you watching me would really, really, want to do, and had heirs. They weren’t some noble’s daughter, they were of someone he loved. I...think the man who advised him couldn’t convince him of the consequences of marrying out of the nobility, but he didn’t care. He did it and he had ten children. Some of them might’ve even made it to adulthood. Who knows! Child mortality, claiming everyone since the fabled last bastard of Oma killed all his siblings. For a bastard, he was a real...illegitimate person!” The only person who found that funny was Suki. “Because…” and she absolutely cracked up at it. “Wordplay.” “Yes, wordplay!”

The Immortal carried on. “Luojian’s third, or maybe fourth, daughter, Sujin, was the one who’d outshine all her competitors and achieve the prestigious status as Head of the Dai Li. It’s no Grand Secretariat, but who’s to blame her? She served for forty years as Head of the Dai Li. By the time she was done, the Four Nations were teetering on the edge of a new Avatar. Teetering. The same woman who founded...or co-founded, if the poems are true...the Dai Li, was nearing her death. The last meeting between the jade-eyes and Avatar Kyoshi was during Sujin’s tenure. Supposedly, the two discussed their preferred kids of rock-scaling, with the Avatar outperforming a woman a hundred and forty years her junior. When the Avatar came, she brought some of her associates from Kyoshi Island.”

“Who'd have guessed, Kyoshi Islanders are  _ so  _ attractive.” Then he coughed loudly and everyone began laughing. The two of us who were Kyoshi Islanders looked at each other. I asked Suki if “He’s right, yes?” and she nodded, replying “I guess so.” I muttered “I hope so.” and she consoled me with “Probably.”  _ Nothing gained, nothing lost.  _ The Immortal continued. “She fell for someone who was theoretically her distant cousin if adoptions count and the two went on to have two children. Only two. She couldn’t be bothered to listen to m-y friend’s friend’s advice about heirs. Her elder son, Huanyu, would outperform her younger son. Her younger son went on to live in the Earth Islands while the older one would, as per expectations, succeed at everything he could. Oh, right, at this point, the earthbender blood was getting strong. Huanyu easily outbeat his fellow agents at a young age and would rise to fame.”

“His mother died a few weeks before his Avatar did. He had a new struggle ahead of him. In an age with no Avatar, who holds final say? He moved to send out chroniclers to every corner of the continent and every island if need be and finished a job his long-dead ancestor Jianjin started. A full registry of the continent’s cultures, laws and martial capabilities. Now, updated. While the Avatar may have left this mortal realm, her beliefs and her ethics were not going to fade into memory. Leave it to the last son of a prestigious family line to go above and beyond. Huanyu would kill most of the top ranks of the Dai Li in a move to crack down on the power vacuum at play. Since the Avatar was dead, nobody could police her ethics. Well...that’s what they thought. With the help of a mysterious assassin, the Dai Li were consolidated. Kyoshi’s Ethics became  _ the  _ law and  _ anyone  _ who went against it would be punished.”

“The world Jianyun, Huanyu’s third son, would be born into was one far from the one any of the jade-eyed line had been born into. Now, the Dai Li were even more so a matter of laws and stringencies. Kyoshi’s Ethics were no longer debated amidst the Dai Li, it was simply  _ the  _ law. Kyoshi herself was far,  _ far  _ nicer than Huanyu. Grand Secretariat Huanyu expanded the Dai Li’s presence to the shores of the Feicui, even if tenuous. Jianyun along with his siblings would go on to become a generation of jade-eyed rulers of the Dai Li. Why? His father killed most of the opposition for legal reasons. Most of the Dai Li were being corrupted by the lack of an Avatar.”

“Huanyu’s death came days before the visit of the new fully realized Avatar, Roku. The Fire National had neglected to visit Ba Sing Se for two years after being realized. Jianyun took his father’s mantle. His first act? Executing one of the Avatar’s friends, some local, for breaking Kyoshi’s Ethics and trying to...indulge...in the localities. And the locals. Roku never knew and assumed the man simply died as many do, of crime. The Avatar demanded the city improve it’s crime-fighting and, as the famed encounter goes…” the Immortal looked at the doorway. “Men of the Dai Li! What did Jianyun tell Roku?” Nobody responded.  _ It’s not like we know _ . 

It is a perfect match for the voice of the Commander and current incumbent Head of the Dai Li, “‘I already have, Your Holiness.’” The Immortal resumed his regular…‘regular’...voice. “Jianyun would have a...formal...relationship with his Avatar. The Avatar demanded results and was supposedly chastised by his former life for, and I quote, ‘telling the Dai Li to do their job.’ Not that it mattered, Ba Sing Se was getting smaller and the scope of the Four Nations was getting larger. More people were visiting from farther and farther lands. Jianyun, when confronted with the pressure of the Avatar and his...lack of wherewithal...and the warnings of war on the horizon, began clamping down on the city. He took a policy of putting his capital and his people first. A policy that worked out at the time. His children would go on to prove the family name well. Two became high ranked officers in the Dai Li, one went into the government, and one...one was Shenyu. Shenyu might’ve gone on to regular Dai Li duty, but his younger brother stupidly gave up the higher echelons of the Academy for street patrolling! When opportunities come, men and women,  _ take them _ !”

“Grand Secretariat Jianyun died of a heart attack when he found out that the Fire Nation had invaded the lands of Hu Xin. Shenyu would go on to being the Head of the Dai Li after his predecessor died of...going to the wrong brothel, I believe. As Head of the Dai Li, he had a new issue ahead. The Dai Li were, at this point, stretched, if barely, across the continent. The Earth King refused to let his lands be taken. The soon-called Colonies were illegal. The land’s part of the Badgermole Throne, then and forever. Shenyu began a new age of Dai Li. What I’ll...think the poets called ‘The Resistance.’ Assassins went west to eliminate Colonial Magistrates. A dozen men claimed the lordship of Yu Dao in a single year. Shenyu had to fight that,  _ and _ , an incompetent Avatar. Roku had decided to go live on his island. Sure, there was one time when he blew the Palace in Caldera, but he didn’t kill the Fire Lord. Shenyu would raise his children, with the guidance of advisors, under a war footing. Skirmishes were breaking out in the far west and for all they knew, a Fire Navy fleet could appear in the Feicui. Shenyu’s four children took different paths. For the first time in their lineage, one of the jade-eyes went off to the Royal Army. Actually, two. One went into politics and wed the daughter of a cadet branch of the Earth King. This left Ran. The young lady was prepared from birth for one thing and one thing only. Preparing for the day when the Fire Nation turns these skirmishes into a war.”

“Ran, breaking from her family’s tradition, simply became a high-ranked Dai Li agent. Most of her life was spent supervising the entire Agrarian Zone and the then-Expeditionary Dai Li forces. Her father died half a year before the third passing of the red comet since the days of Kyoshi...or somewhere in the ninety...sixth?...since Oma’s last bastard killed his siblings. I know, strange way to time things. It would come to be called Sozin’s Comet.”

“The Dai Li were no fools. We...they knew that the Fire Navy was coming. They knew that a dragon was coming. The folk tales say that the Dai Li drew up a secret pact to help with taking out the Air Temples. The folk tales might be true, or they might not. History doesn’t care. The Dai Li did what they did in the interests of the Badgermole Throne. It was not our...or there...responsibility to warn the Air Nomads. Just remember, don’t walk into someone else’s city, insult their culture, then pretend like yours is superior while being a massive hypocrite. And...don’t be one of the highest ranked members of an order that would have no such misdeeds. Eitherway, history does not care. The Fire Lord brought an army upon a ‘defenceless’ people. Hurricanes were tossed around. A world war spanning all Four Nations and all peoples began. Ran stayed out of it while her siblings...didn’t. Two brothers went off to the Royal Army, two brothers came home in urns.”

“Lianyun was the Head of the Dai Li when the infamous Kuzon Report came in. Flocks of dragons, armies beyond the Sunrise Sea, untold terrors lurking in the deeps, the Dai Li dismissed it as Fire Nation propaganda. The war had escalated. Lianyun was the last surviving son of Ran, for all her other sons and daughters had perished. Some from illness, some went off to fight the Fire Nation and never came home. Lianyun, seeing his family slowly go extinct, pressured the Grand Secretariat to do something Shenyu was considering doing: locking down Ba Sing Se.”

“They say a million people were killed by Lianyun’s purges. Azulon was nearing the Serpent’s Pass and had it not been for the mighty Song, he’d have crossed the West Lake and broken through the city. No commander marches without scouts. Azulon’s scouts...and their entire families...found themselves pulled out root and stem. Anyone Azulon’s scouts knew. Any contacts. Tens of thousands were found to be spies and collaborators, or collaborator’s collaborators. Their bodies were hung from the Outer Wall. It is said there were enough to span the entire wall with one every thirty Ji Houa feet. There was even an attempt against Azulon’s own life. Between that and Song’s victory, the man was beaten back. Not that he wouldn’t return. Oh...he’d return.”

“Lianyun set a precedent for his children. He wanted them to go further than he ever did. He sacrificed many missions for the sake of personally seeing to their training. Jianyu was the third oldest or fourth youngest of six. His father’s gambit worked and he and the rest of his family went on to both survive until adulthood and make it through the Academy with top marks. Jianyu, having assisted with the purges, was experienced with countering anarchists. It was his grades, a perfect thesis on the implementation of two hundred year law as it pertained to a world-spanning conflict in regards to counter-espionage, that earned him appointment to being Head of the Dai Li. His father was a fist of stone. He was a fist of metal.”

“Azulon’s agents returned and Lianyun’s own hands stopped them. The Royal Court lost many ‘good’” the Immortal laughed, “old men who were not being as nice anymore. Lianyun killed thousands in the place of hundreds of thousands, but these thousands, in being government officials, would carry more weight. This soon earned him the position of Grand Secretariat...which had opened up recently when the previous one was killed for conspiracy to betray the Kingdom. Learn to taste-test your wines, first.”

“Lianyun made discussion on the War illegal. This was done so that anyone that  _ did  _ discuss the war could be investigated. As it turned out, the kind of people that discuss Fire Nation victories in the west with optimistic tones are the kind of people who might, just might, try to help the enemy. By making the War illegal, it forced the residents of Ba Sing Se to focus on keeping the city stable. The Royal Court couldn’t keep squabbling over skirmishes, the Earth King couldn’t be driven to hysteria. The Council of Five were left to do their jobs in peace. Lianyun assisted with that peace up until old age. He retired content...and feared by all.”

“Jianyu grew up...unique. His siblings and he conveyed a sense of authority that even the Earth King or Princes couldn’t achieve. If they lived, men a thousand years older than him would have to bow to him. Perfectly. The Earth King was confined to the Royal Palace. As such, in the rest of Ba Sing Se and the Agrarian Zone specifically, Jianyu walked like a monarch. Or rather, a princeling. And he was trained as one. Many of you are old enough to remember ‘Jianyu the Archer’ or ‘Jianyu the Bowman’, right?” and the Immortal gave a pause to let the audience react. Some people in the crowd were old enough, as it seemed, judging by a few calling out “I do!” and “I remember!”.

“Jianyu never bent earth. There were rumors around his birth. Those rumors and claims were silenced in the shadows. Some called it disgraceful, I, being alive at that time, said and still say that you don’t need bending to bring about fear or control. A nonbender with a will and a commitment to success if far more dangerous. A bender is born with an ability, but a nonbender? What does he or she have? They have a  _ will  _ to succeed.” and I felt him give me a glance, a single glance, long piercing glance, while he looked around the room at the drunks and not-yet-drunks Lao Ge continued. “Something, someone, who lacks is far more driven than his or her entitled companions. We all learned, soon enough, to respect Jianyu the Archer. He could not bend, but he could still carry fear where he went. He achieved an honorary rank in the Dai Li, one his father granted him since only benders were accepted to the real ranks. Jianyu used this humble title, a title that previously meant nothing, and turned it into one of fear. If ‘the Attendant’ was coming to meet you, it wasn’t to give you a kiss. It was to, as many learned, kill entire generations for breaking Kyoshi’s Ethics. When his only daughter was born, he put down his work to ensure her successes in life.”

“Lady Feiyin didn’t have the same serious drive her father had. She was below average for applicants to the Dai Li, but at his pressure for his successors to go further than he did, she joined. Whether due to her father’s hands on approach in the Dai Li or his hands on approach constricting her in childhood, something inspired her to choose Lake Laogai as where she’d work. She rose through the ranks, inheriting her father’s bloody ruthlessness. Eventually, she became the top information gatherer and leader of the Reeducation Branch. It happened to be, according to an anonymous source, that she met a fellow gatherer of information one day. The two of them fell in love and even held a small ceremony on Laogai Island. Soon enough, as it would happen, she was pregnant. Did that stop her from gathering information? No!” Lao Ge slapped the railing, “Why would it? She took after her distant ancestor, the founder of this line. Just as her ancestor, Lady Min, would do her job while encumbered, so did this Lady Feiyin.”

“After a beleaguered labor, Xuan was born in the Lake Laogai Infirmary. Our current Head of the Dai Li could have a whole book written about him. What’s the point of this story, you drunks may ask? The Line of Daiyu is famous. Their actions and achievements should be respected. They put their children’s successes first, they put their laws first, and they are indiscriminate with how they punish. Beggars and Princes alike could be found in Laogai should they defy the Badgermole Throne. May all of you, you drunken bastards, learn a thing or two about raising children  _ half  _ as loyal as these!” then he drunkenly ‘slipped’ and sent a clay cup flying into a wall, shattering. The crowd of, as he predicted, drunks, broke into howling cheers and applause and...I don’t think they knew what they were cheering. I also don’t think they knew  _ what  _ they were cheering. 

Why? The Immortal’s eyes locked onto me, and stayed locked, when he said that final paragraph. His eyes cut through me like a meteorite  _ jian  _ through flesh. After ‘slipping’, he walked back over to our table. Amidst all the shouting and cheering and drunks supporting drunks, he leaned in close and said “You wanted a story? Everyone’s got a story. You two ain’t the only long-running line of people. I hope, for your sake, you learned some of those lessons.” I was about to speak but he held his hand up. “Ah, ah, ah...I don’t want to hear that you did. Your ancestor bound herself to her word.” I felt...singled out. Though judging by Suki’s sudden sweating, she also felt singled out. I calmly gathered myself and replied, softly, “I  _ will  _ learn those lessons.” “Good.” His lock broke...

And he went back to eccentricity within a single  _ miao _ . He picked up a glass of Clear Whiskey, at this point probably fermented into a new version of Clear Whiskey, raised it high, and lightheartedly yelled “A toast, everyone! A toast!” When the crowd didn’t respond, something triggered everything to shake slightly. The ground moved back and forth without moving anything above ground. The shaking made people regain their perception. Before  _ they  _ could react, he again gave his declaration. “I’d like to call a toast!”. The patrons agreed.

These people may have a hundred different backstories, but there’s one thing that unifies them.  _ Toasts _ . Lao Ge tapped me and whispered “You might want to give the toast.” So I looked at Suki and eye-gesture asked ‘can you do it?’ and she agreed. For proper eye-gesturing, look tired or disinterested for her to do it instead of me. Suki raised her cup. “To the Empress! Long may she live!” The rest of us chanted “To Her Imperial Majesty!”, even the assassin man from the shadowy part of the table. And we raised our goblets. Suki loudly declared “To the Empire!” and the rest of us recited, by second nature, “Ten Thousand Years!” It was and is. And we held our goblets out. Then other people tossed in their chants. Lots of personal chants but the most distinctive one was “and down with the Fire Lord!” from some man, somewhere, which earned -not the entire tavern but many tables of- cheering and “Down with the Fire Lord!”. The three of us downed our goblets and Suki gave me this worrying glance. I knew that look and I didn’t need or want to bring it up then. So instead we remained as quiet as we could.  _ There lies trouble in this tavern.  _

Lao Ge’s… odd...tale was not the last of the night. As enthralling as the entire lineage leading from one woman to one man is, most people preferred telling stories of war, bloodshed, and love. Stories came and went. Soldiers from two dozen different armies or regional garrisons talked of visiting a hundred different places and fighting a thousand battles. The smallest? A skirmish of one man and his group of lancers engaging a Fire Nation scout camp. The orator punched the air, imitating what he’d do with a spear in hand. The others around the table joined him. The lancers encircled and crashed upon the camp and slaughtered the men while they slept. The largest stories? The largest battles. Full pitched battles in the steppes and plains of the central Earth Kingdom. Thousands joining on either side, forming shield walls and launching artillery at one another. Archers turning the sky dark with mass volleys. Firebenders trampling the flanks on the backs of komodo rhinos. Earthbenders holding and impaling attackers. Battles with hundreds of casualties. Of duels between swordsmen and duels between benders. ‘The old honorable way’, some men would claim, when two commanding officers picked champions, their best benders, and the two would dance in circles throwing stones and punching fire blasts until one side came out on top. The ‘honorable way’ would have the loser retreat. More often than not, the duel simply motivated the victor’s side. There were stories of grand naval engagements. Junks against cruisers. Boarding parties hopping ships with axes and crossbows. Of fighting pirates. Of battles where ships sank because the admiral made the wrong left. So, so, so many battles where the Fire Nation’s armies led frontal assaults with their officers at the front, sometimes eating a boulder and sometimes not. Incidents of platoons being trapped in villages or towns or a brothel or the enemy officer’s house while the Fire Nation absolutely obliterated their defensive lines. Lots of ‘so my force of spear-armed militia were ordered to hold the line against a komodo rhino charge’  _ and guess which side won? _ No, it wasn’t the half-trained militia. If even five of these people’s stories were true then the last thirty years of the Hundred Year War saw tens of millions of Earth Kingdom casualties. Then again, the ‘famous’ Earth Kingdom generals, the ones who actually have stories written of them, more often than not -according to these storytellers- sent waves and waves of their men against the Fire Nation until the Fire Nation’s defenses was crushed and they were swamped by a torrent of farmers and farm implements. 

I don’t record individual feats because they aren’t much of feats, nor are they heroic. I have to record my military engagements for the sake of hindsight, which, something something one eye. For better or worse, it’s a chronicle of my military victories, engagements, and the events that are transpiring during and around them. Most battles aren’t heroic, as my chronicling has demonstrated. Two sides clash. People are: thrown from mounts, impaled by lances, struck with arrows, gashed open with blades and crushed with earth boulders. And that’s just the opening rider charge. That doesn’t mean battles aren’t exciting. Quite the contrary. Blood pumping. Any mess ups or bad moves will result in death. I wasn’t going to shout ‘hey everyone, half your stories are nonsense’ because if I did that, how would we keep the spirits of the Imperial Army up? People  _ love  _ heroes. Even if you’re a blind girl living in isolation in a  _ siheyuan  _ in Gaoling, you’ve heard of local folk heroes. Or of Avatar Kyoshi. And if you’ve heard of her, you’re intelligent enough to conclude that her descendants must live up to her expectations. Whether that’s on the battlefield -being an amazing earthbender, for instance- or being tossed into your bedchamber in the name of an arranged marriage. More specifically, what holy blood brings. And that’s a blind noble lady. Imagine what a peasant from nowhere halfway between a rock and another rock looks up to? That’s right, nobody who asked, propaganda posters. Or, in the case of a tavern night like this, their siblings-at-arms. As such, I sat back and slowly sipped down water -saving the Clear Whiskey for later- and watched the men and women trade stories. 

As the night grew on, the tavern dealt with the turnover of a dwindling number of customers as people, well, have  _ lives _ . And unlike the Colonies, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a ‘rest day’ here. Well, unless you’re the Empress. Then every day is a rest day. Correction, maybe there is, I’ve just never worked in the Empire in any jobs that wouldn’t entail a rest day. In the Colonies, on the other hand, for every seven turns of the moon, the new moon, at either half, and full, the two days on either side of that day would be for rest. So, for about twenty eight days to a month, we used to get anywhere between four and eight off varying on the season and who our boss was.  _ Just another thing the Colonies do right _ . My tangent doesn’t matter. Back to the events at play...

The couple seats left as the night progressed went to a few types of people. Those who hadn’t had enough storytelling stayed for the stories. Those who were looking for things that need the prefix ‘oogie-’ to be Imperially correct, well those men and women found their partners. Suki’s simple green robe and dress and my simple blue robe -this was the Imperial Informal Robe that lacked the sigil- made us look...normal. Finally, there were those who were chattering the latest news and gossip that flows down from the so-close but -for these people- so-far Imperial Palace. The oogie-people, well the one man that confused Suki for someone single received a kick in the face -yes! Use your high kicks!- and everyone -the conscious ones- collectively agreed that she and I were dating.  _ That’s sweet of all of you, really. I can’t wait for the Empress...or Pu-On Tim...or anyone to find this out _ . Lao Ge simply chuckled. So what was the probably factually-incorrect information these lowly soldiers of Her Imperial Majesty’s million-strong army were hearing? Lao Ge gestured to a table of four and we followed him over to look in at a table of four.

“Why of course, the Ministers want to bring back the traitor. The Fire Lord and the Avatar, combined, cannot stand up to the might of Her Imperial Majesty. Why  _ wouldn’t  _ the Ministers bring him back?” the first voice stated.  _ Thanks for being vague enough I can’t deduce the problem immediately, man-probably-named-Lee _ . “Because the black robes are everywhere” commented a second voice. “And so? Didn’t stop the Princess and her dragon.” the third person jumped in. “That’s because she had a  _ dragon _ .” the fourth one countered the third, thick with sarcasm. “He has a bear. A  _ bear _ . Bears are weird” the third hit back at the fourth. “And one swipe” and the fourth man swiped his hand “of His Highness, Lord Qiangyang, and that bear will be sent flying into the next province.” “Maybe the bear has strange bending powers. Maybe he can breath fire.  _ You  _ don’t know. I’ve never fought a bear before” the third man justified his claim with his non-knowledge.  _ Hey, I don’t know if bears can breath fire. He seemed terrified when Azula and Druk showed up...oh so long ago _ . Then the first one noticed Suki and I leaning on the same pillar and asked “what do the two of you want?” while Lao Ge...probably clung to a ceiling or something.  _ I’ve no idea _ . Suki fanned herself with a fan. “We were just listening in is all.” “Really?” the second one asked, interested. “No, we were innocently standing here” I sarcastically replied. The other three -everyone but the second voice- laughed. Then I asked for their names so this wouldn’t be as confusing. The first voice belonged to a Lee, the second to a Ji, the third to a Qi -actually Qian but he prefers the nickname of Qi- and the fourth to a Kang. I don’t know why the fourth one wasn’t also Lee but...fine. Together, they were four friends from the Army of the Center and fought in the elite Empress’s Own Fifth Regiment of the First Division. Ji, short for Jiang, is a mid-ranked officer. Not high enough to run the Fifth Regiment but high enough that  _ he  _ reports to someone who reports to someone who commands the regiment. They asked for our names, and of course we pulled the classic ‘I’m Hayashi and she’s Aoma’ because nothing like wearing my actor’s name around for pride. “I’m Hayashi and she is Lady Aoma.” and the two of us nodded our parts.  _ As it turns out _ …

Lee was  _ amazed  _ when I revealed my name. “Hayashi? Are you the guy from Pu-On Tim’s plays?” I also took off my cloak so they could see my auburn hair. “He looks like His Imperial Majesty, but he’s too short” Ji corrected. “And your arms are thinner,” Qi added. “And doesn’t the Emperor have a beard?” Kang also added in.  _ I… sure I have everything you think I have, let's go with that _ .  _ So...this means I’m seven Consort’s feet tall instead of six? With giant arms? And a long flowing beard? Sure... _ “Yes, of course he is” Suki said, hitting my side with her elbow.  _ Why do you make me suffer these things?  _ “You’ve got the best job in the world!” Lee shouted and the others cheered. Then, like some kind of invasive court scribe, Lee asked “tell me, do you  _ actually  _ sleep with all those actresses?”  _ Well this just turned...how do I say it...exactly as I expected it to _ . I gave my most convincing Prince of the South voice, “I do” and I felt the confidence to actually  _ go with this _ . The soldiers grinned. Qi looked up at me with pure fan-based joy. “I heard Her Imperial Majesty loves your portrayal, any thoughts?” and the other three kicked the ground in their loss of composure.  _ What...actually yes of course she does. Who am I kidding.  _ So I used my best Sokka impression in the middle of the night and replied “oh yes, of course. Her Imperial Majesty has often complimented my portrayal for the fantastical elements.” If my good eye could speak, it’d tell Suki that ‘two can play at the pretending game’. Not that she was doing much of any pretending. I was.  _ And...this isn’t that hard. It’s just really undignified _ . I continued; “However, His Imperial Majesty is far too noble to be as...violent...as Pu-On Tim directs me to be. Her Imperial Majesty told me she loved attending the plays for the ability to immerse in such fantasy while also staying true to the noble intents of-”  _ Ow. Suki. What in the name of our ancestor are you doing to my side?  _ But I was cut off by Suki. In a more courtly voice, “Forgive Hayashi. He takes acting seriously. Actors, y’know.” The four of them chuckled.  _ Actors. You know. Mhm _ . Kang tossed his one copper piece opinion in. “Yeah, actors can be a bit too ‘holy’ at times.” Then Ji yelled“Hahn! A drink for this man! You’ve got  _ the  _ Hayashi in your tavern!” and the man sitting behind the counter, examining a bottle of, I suppose he bottles his own alcohol,  _ rice wine _ , looked up at me. 

“He’s even wearing the same blue from the plays!” Qi said while getting up to tug off my cloak. And yet, I still looked _down_ on him because hey, us Kyoshi Islanders ain’t short. Hahn ordered free drinks for ‘Aoma’ and I, in honor of who I ‘portray’. _This is ironic. If I was the Emperor, I’d get all of this for free but the men might not talk to me the same. And they’d definitely not touch me or my cloak_. Suki, being street-smart, tossed in a statement that could be interpreted in one of two ways but was also quite neutral. “Hayashi here claims that Her Imperial Majesty does _not_ like being called a flower.” The four soldiers looked at us all confused and or funny. “What?” they all said in their own tones. One of the four, I think Qi, said “Her Imperial Majesty is the Empire’s most beautiful flower. For unlike the others, she cracks heads!” and the four clinked their goblets together in cheers. _So that’s how you four think of her. She is a flower with her rulership and as a person but a populist commander of the troops._ My mental note recorded where mental notes are recorded, that hollow space inside my head, I posed a question of my own. “Do _you_ four think my portrayal is accurate, based on what you four pictured Her Imperial Majesty’s-” _okay I might need a whiskey or fifty three of them for this_ , “inner court life is like?” and I received three glares and one Ji, _ha, that’s a pun because there’s also a ji, the weapon_ , for a response. “I don’t know, I always thought Her Imperial Majesty told all the nobles to go eat a rock spike. Including their traditions. But this is also Her Imperial Majesty. How can we possibly imagine that? We’re just...us. We aren’t the Avatar. We don’t invade the private quarters of Her Imperial Majesty or the Imperial Consort. What they do is what they do. For your sake, I hope your portrayal is accurate, ‘cause otherwise you’d lose your head. But...I’m happy to see that Her Imperial Majesty enjoys the same plays we do. Right boys?” and the three who weren’t Ji shouted a multitude of “that’s rights”. _Suki, stop nodding and smiling like some Dai Li brainwashed handmaiden._

More Clear Whiskey was brought out for Suki and I to quench our parched selves on. A spoiler for anyone who wishes to travel to Hahn’s, his Clear Whiskey tastes like water. If my throat isn’t being stabbed by a katana that’s also on fire and being wielded by a two hundred and thirty year old woman who got bored one day and shaved some mountains into steeper slopes for the giggles, it’s not Clear Whiskey. There’s only one good way to make Clear Whiskey. That simple. I glanced up at the ceiling and sure enough, Lao Ge was relaxing up there -this is a two story establishment and the second story’s lanterns were all blown out- like some kind of... _Ceiling Dai Li._ _Right, right, of course._ Back to these four. 

As their inebriation rose, their inquiries grew less courtly. Qi asked “What was your favorite scene to act, and to  _ act _ , out of all your scenes?” “What are my options?” I asked, pretending to be a sober person pretending to be a drunk person pretending to be a famous actor. “All of them,” Qi retorted.  _ That’s vaguely specific _ . “Has there been a wedding night scene? I’ve had too much to remember,”  _ that’ll stave off their appetites _ . “The wedding night scene?” and Qi nodded. And the others nodded. Qi raised his goblet. “Great scene. Always pulled off with only the perfect harmonic chorus of thrusts and moans.”  _ Thrusts and… with… and…  _ Suki drew their attention to her with their fans while commenting “Hayashi would say thank you, but he’s clearly drunk.” She was distracting them from me pretending to bash my skull open against the nearest wooden post. Correction, maybe I was  _ trying  _ to. I don’t know.  _ I do. I tried to _ . I would’ve murmured ‘Remind me to never have Toph attend that play’ but thankfully I remembered not to. For obvious reasons. This Clear Whiskey was awful and tasted terrible and was not nearly strong enough to make me forget what I was living through. 

Suki re-railed the conversation with some good old “You four were talking about Kuei?” Lee continued his tangent from earlier, now reformatted. “Sure, sure. I heard the Ministers want to bring him back because he’s nice and tame. He’s so...noble...and naive, he can go back to having them coddle him with gifts.” 

Qi said “I miss the days when to be a minister meant they had to chop off your dong. No dong. No ministerial corruption” and earned three “Hear hear!”s and one -from Ji- “To dongless ministers!”  _ Right, that was a policy for a time _ . Don’t tell the Imperial Army who are all definitely educated, but they’re quite wrong. There’s no correlation between being a eunuch and being competent. I think the difference was  _ those  _ eunuchs from ‘the days’, presumably the ‘good old days’ knew that if they stepped out of line the Earth King could find another thousand more qualified individuals to replace them. And that their value was directly tied to their competence. Then everything changed when Kyoshi showed up and...did her Kyoshi thing. As my great-great-great-great...I forgot, grandmother does. I think it’s five greats and one grandmother. Nonetheless, eunuchs aren’t guaranteed to be competent -sometimes those with nothing to lose can be the most ambitious- and neither are members of the nobility. Except nobility has a landed -get it,  _ do you get it, Imperial Archivist _ \- stake in these events. If the Empire collapses they’ll be some of the first institutions to suffer for it. Angry peasants tend to go after nearby local nobles first. Unless they accrued enough power,  _ ahem, House of the Flying Boar _ , that they can stay safe through any crisis. 

The stupid actor who’s only role is to go state poorly-written but popular lines fed to him by a rotund man in orange and then ‘method’ act with a bunch of actresses, or rather, the person he’s actually playing who’s currently standing in to play for him playing for the other him... _ wait no I got this _ . The person Hayashi is portraying is portraying Hayashi, portraying the other him. That person,  _ me _ , asked to the four at the table “But wouldn’t the Dai Li intervene in the name of the Badgermole Throne.”  _ Why mention this? If I am who they think I am, then a stupid actor asking such a deep question should cast new...light...on all this _ . Lee raised his finger to his mouth while Kang and Ji went wide-eyed. “You want us all killed?” Qi said in a hushed tone.  _ I mean...maybe?  _ “Why would we all be killed?” I wondered, since... _ being in a tavern isn’t illegal _ . Qi spoke up. “Are you  _ new  _ to this city? The same people run the black robes that had run it under Long Feng. And those people betrayed Long Feng. What’s stopping them from betraying again?”  _ Why would...who would even betray who and why and what and why and how?  _ “Because Her Imperial Majesty is beloved by them” I countered,  _ Suki, why are you giving me that look? _ . Suki gave me this… look. A wary look. Qi hit back with “And? If you ruled the entire Empire, would you rather have a domesticated pet for a puppet or a wild badgermole who says what we all think?”  _ I’d rather...well, interesting.  _

_ In terms of pure control, it would make far more sense to have a corps of baby-like officials. They’ll kowtow to you , problem solved. But if you want what’s right for the Empire, you need the wild badgermole that proudly stomps out our enemies. Except that same badgermole might not listen to authority and make for a terrible officer or even general. And...that’s just it. Of course. If you hold power, then Toph is someone who never listened to authority and now that she has all the power, has no reason to. And she doesn’t have the same investment by blood as someone like Zuko. She wants to listen to Pu-On Tim plays and go on trips. And if you want, one, to keep your head, and two, control of any kind, you’d need a ruler who heeds to your demands. Which she isn’t because she’s busy tossing hills at people and picking her toes and other such _ .  _ Not that she’s bad, but there’s a case to be made for their ‘uneducated’ selves. _

Suki asked“So you think they’d try to...install Kuei as a puppet...again?”  _ Can you stop leaning on that wooden pole, Suki?  _ “I don’t think anything” the man she was looking at -half-asleep- told her, then he pointed at the four men at the table. “Most likely.” Qi stated, serious. And seriously drunk. “How? I thought he was dead” I played the fool because sometimes that’s what I have to do. “He’s probably hiding out to the northwest, east of the Northern Air Temple. I think there’s a Summer Palace out there. If not there, then somewhere along the northern shore of the West Lake.”  _ Wait...so all you know is that you think it? Thinking doesn’t equal knowledge. That’s not helpful _ . “And, what, one day, all us truly loyal people will get imprisoned?” Suki asked, throwing in the ‘us’ for good measure. “Unless we stop him-” and Qi put his fist to the table, “-yes.”  _ Unless we stop him? How?  _ “How would we stop him?” I finally asked, since both as this ‘Hayashi’ and also as me, the Emperor, the last thing I’d want is for my Empress to be tossed off the Throne. “We...can’t talk about that here.” Ji gave me this  _ look _ and looked around. “Where can we talk about it?” Suki jabbed in from the side, over by that same pole  _ that’s also leaning _ . “Since you’re  _ the  _ Hayashi-” and Ji slipped his hand into his Imperial Army garb, his tunic, and pulled out a green cloth. “-take this.” and he handed the long green piece of cloth to me. I held it in my hands and, for no reason, had the urge to see if it was what I thought it was. I tried wrapping it around my head and sure enough, it was a headband. Of course, nearly any piece of cloth if long enough can be a headband but when unfurled, it’s the right width. “Was this...tailored?” I inadvertently voiced my thoughts. “Probably” Kang responded for the four, uncertain. I flipped the cloth over and realized there was  _ writing  _ on the other side. 

_ The Fiery Sky is Dead! The Jade Empire will Rise! _

Glad to see their subtle messaging in that one. “And what do you want me to do with this?” I asked, genuinely confused since I’m not familiar with possible revolutionary movements. As part of two nation’s governments, one as some official and the other as well,  _ me _ , you’re usually discouraged from associating with anti-government groups. For obvious reasons. Also, the Colonies themselves already fought an uphill battle against Caldera over their autonomy level and anti-earthbender laws. This was, despite, of course, earthbenders providing a great workforce. And the Colonies, being double or triple the size of the Fire Nation’s home islands, were far too large to police effectively. As such, the further into the hinterland one went, the fewer the differences between Fire Nation’s rule and whatever made for the previous rule.  _ The montane Colonials are far removed from their coastal brethren with local beliefs and local cultures and almost total intermarriage. _ To an extent, Sozin was quite right. The Fire Nation effectively centralized the western coast of the Earth Kingdom. That said, I had nothing to do with any anti-Ozai groups or revolutionary movements. Lightning tends to make for good encouragement. 

“Come with us.” this Jiang fellow requested. “Where?” Suki got off that pillar at the mere mention of a summons and was  _ quite  _ ready to draw her  _ katana _ , which she had. The four got up, bowed to Hahn and his half-asleep self, kowtowed to the the year-old portrait of Toph sitting at the Jasmine Dragon enjoying tea, and walked out the door. “You, back” Suki gave me two words and a grab-shove instruction, forcing herself to the front of this two person troop. I parted to let her lead on,  _ for safety _ . The four exited the building, made one right, and made another right upon entering the alleyway. The alley between the tavern and, I’m guessing...some innocent civilian’s house...was, surprise surprise, dark. And an alleyway. Ji quietly requested “Kang, go on ahead.” The three, in sync, stepped to the side while Kang stomped the ground and revealed a hole. Correction, looking into it, it was a  _ staircase _ . With a lantern hanging every few stairs. I backed up while the first three hopped inside and coughed, “ _ Ahem _ , ‘Aoma, are we too tired?’”. “No, we aren’t” she countered.  _ We aren’t? Are you certain about this _ ? “What about my...uh...betrothed?” I stuttered, making up an excuse as I went. Well...it’s not not an excuse, I just didn’t want to name names. “She can wait.” and the Kyoshi Warrior hopped down the stairs and I gave chase.  _ Remember, I’m...somewhere in the Upper Ring. Next to ‘One Hahnded’.  _ So I went after her. And Kang entered behind me. He hit the wall and caved the ceiling in.  _ Down we go _ .

We made a left at the bottom of the staircase and came upon a tunnel. A tunnel as wide as a Middle Ringer’s house, or perhaps the Avatar’s Guest House. The tunnel stretched onwards….what appeared to be forever. “What...is this?” I could only ask. “Old tunnel system.” Kang responded from behind, clearly rehearsing this part of the...well… introduction. “Where does it go?” Ji widened his pose. “Everywhere.”  _ that’s not helpful _ . In front of Suki and I were earth tents built into the walls. Also in front of us, racks of spears, really pointy spears. And blacksmiths currently working on sharpening some of those spears. Most of the earth tents had curtains drawn over them with a few remaining,  _ I guess, _ empty. And of course, everyone was wearing these green headbands. “Hayashi, Aoma, welcome to one of our many places to spread the word!” this Ji, or Jiang, officer said, booming his voice. “Many?” I asked. “Places?” Suki asked. Both of us, almost at the same time. Ji proudly proclaimed “Of course, there’s a hundred more of these across the city. The black-robed collaborators can’t control  _ everything _ , can they?”  _ I am so getting all of you killed _ .  _ Or arrested. Peacefully politely arrested.  _ “Don’t you have barracks to report to?” I wondered, since...they probably do.  _ You have barracks to report to...at some point _ . “Not for the First Division. We’re special.”  _ Let me guess, the entire division is about to initiate an uprising?  _ “Is  _ everyone  _ on board with this?” “Who wouldn’t be?”  _ Rational, sane, not cactus-juice laced people _ . This… Ji man was walking over to a wall with a  _ really, really big map _ on it. It’s got the entire… “is that the entire southern half of the Upper Ring?” I asked, my jaw preparing to break the floor in half. Suki, too, was agape. “It is” he proudly replied. “With every last street?” Suki added in, definitely also in awe. It’s true. It had hundreds of little streets on it and even the roads that led out to the noble estates in the countryside. “It is.” he said, with pride.  _ You’ve got a better map of the city than I do. What kind of madness is this?  _ “Who died for that map?” I asked, since that was the first thing that came to mind. “We live here, we just put together a couple dozen neighborhood maps.” “Clever bunch” Suki said, crossing her arms and sounding faintly like a petulant Prince. 

“Right so...there’s  _ hundreds _ of” and I opened my arms out to try and take up as many of the earth tents and armor and arms racks that I could “these.” “Oh, we’ve also got ostrich horses. And tanks.”  _ How exactly do we even put up with this? These people make our army look like a … wait. This, is this the Army?  _ “How many of you are in the Army?” and the conscious members of this mad group of ‘ _ you’re all going to die’ _ rebels cheered. “Everyone here’s in the Imperial Army.” Ji yelled.  _ I guess being quiet isn’t needed since we’re underground _ ? “And your goal is…?” I had to ask, again, because with the amount of gear these people are packing, there’s not really much I can do but  _ run as fast as my legs can take me and find Xuan _ .  _ Find anyone _ . Ji calmed down. “Prevent Kuei from returning.”  _ Wait _ . I offered a question. “So you’re not going to try and take over the Throne for yourselves or something?” A bit stupid in hindsight, but I needed to know and I’m not always smart enough to craft the perfect sentence. “What? No. We love Her Imperial Majesty. Look.” and he pointed at the  _ other  _ wall, where a giant mural of Her Imperial Majesty stepping on a firebender’s helmet can be found. The mural version of her is larger than the real her. “And for some reason, all the ministers have to die?” Suki asked,  _ thank you for being the voice of...Well, I guess reason?  _ Ji’s response? “Sure, why not.”  _ Sure. Why not. We don’t need ministers for things. I mean, hey I’m with you, but _ … I decided to offer “a word of advice, I know you know me for my features in all those erotic plays, but I’ve also read a thing or two” and I made sure to lock my good eye onto Ji. “Go ahead,  _ Lord  _ Hayashi.”  _ Lord? Was fake me just promoted? What in the name of Kyoshi is even happening? What? Huh? How? What?  _

I took some deep breaths, _you’re in a nest of fruit pies. Deep, breath_. “Right so peasant rebellions, I know the Kingdom had about a thousand in Ba Sing Se alone, but you know they never work, right?” _No, you idiot. Of course they work. For every thousand that don’t one or two or three or five might actually succeed. And if they don’t actually overthrow the government, they force the government to accept their demands_. _Because we only have power so long as the people think we have power_. Ji’s intelligent retort? “Did past peasant rebellions have the support of the army?” _No? Then it’d be a military rebellion, genius_. “You know the monarchy won’t-” _wait, no, do. Not. Say. That._ I stopped talking, but Ji didn’t lose his hearing. “They won’t what?” Ji asked, stepping away from his map-wall and over towards me. _Slowly towards me_. “I don’t know.” “You said it like you knew something. Is this from all your reading?” he gave me this… sense that maybe I should take my auburn hair and politely back up those stairs. “Won’t you harm innocent ministers as well? Or the servants?” He looked at me like I was crazy. “Ha! All workers of all Rings will overthrow their corrupt ministers and the puppet Kuei!” _Okay you’re just...I mean you’re insane. You’re...it’s not even a matter of a question. It’s a fact_. Suki hit back with “Kuei isn’t even here yet” while cautiously stepping towards me. “And should he come-” the Ji fellow took his fist, “-he’ll face the full might-” and he punched the air, _screaming_ “-of the Imperial Army!” _And we’re all going to die in a blaze of fire. We are… you’re… we’re… you’re going to get us all killed in fire and artillery and if you don’t get us killed you’ll bring ruin upon the city. Assuming you’re not just making this up._

I inquired, trying to play into all this for a moment. “Let’s say I wanted to join. You called me a Lord earlier” “I did, because in granting you that headband, I welcomed you in. You’d be a Lord because you’re a hero of the people.” Ji explaining his probably drunken ideas. But he wasn’t totally drunk.  _ Wait, in your records, a Pu-On Tim play actor is a ‘hero’? I mean, the actual Emperor of the Earth Empire me has cause for the term, sure. But an actor? Really?  _ “Let’s say I wanted a place to hide out from the evil black-coats” and I tried my best to sound like an actor and their… fancy light-footed way of speaking. “Where, oh where would I go?” and I looked at this detailed wall map. “There’s hideouts everywhere, my Lord. They can’t control  _ everything  _ and their Upper Ring assassins are lazy.”  _ Note to self, find Xuan and tell him that his Upper Ring agents are lazy _ . “If you  _ really  _ want to be safe, I’d recommend going out to the countryside” and he pointed at some random field in the Upper Ring. I only saw that after asking “You mean the countryside like Nanchang?”, which is a reference to the lands outside of the Outer Wall. “No, the Upper Ring’s much bigger than people think. There’s abandoned estates that nobles used to live in and some of those have hunting cottages. For someone of your fame, just say the word and we’ll get you a mount and directions to one of these abandoned estates. And household people to help you around.”  _ My fame? I earned all this because… I was a famous actor. This is… there’s not really any words for ‘insane’ but sure, this is actually real and happening _ . “What if I wanted to go, you know,  _ out  _ of the city.” I emphasized the ‘ _ out’  _ because any rational person, seeing the end of an Empire upon them, would probably get  _ out _ . “Sure, there’s a hideout for loyalists in the Makapuan Mountains if you’re into mountain ranges. If you’d like towns, may I suggest somewhere in Gaolan?” 

_ What, do you guys control the entire country? Ha. Ha. Hahahahaha.  _ As such, my next question was pretty simple. “Do you have a presence in the rest of the Empire?” “We’re trying, but the problem is, all those traitorous magistrates care more about themselves. And their Grand Magistrate Conspiracy” his tone was brewing with anger.  _ Grand Magistrate Conspiracy? Does it not cease?  _ “Well each Magistrate seems a few days away from outright seceding. We can’t get a presence in towns where the Magistrates aren’t loyal to the Badgermole Throne” and he calmed down to a more neutral,  _ I mean normal _ , tone.  _ Right, right, of course. The entire country is… wait what did you just say?  _ It was at that moment that I started...thinking. Perhaps they are mad, but they might know something I don’t. 

“Did you just say the Magistrates aren’t loyal? How many?” My voice was as shocked as his was calm. “I don’t know. There’s hundreds of Magistrates. Maybe twenty we’ve confirmed are completely loyal. Because we’re also citizens of the Empire and it’s our duty to report corrupt officials. So of those twenty, none are for us, but a couple don’t mind our preaching of anti-Fire Nation statements.”  _ What is going on in my Empire. In Toph’s Empire. What is this insanity and… what, am I going to wake up one day and the entire world’s on fire?  _

I raised my finger in questioning and asked, semi-sarcastic,  _ the other part was serious _ , “And...what are they all going to do? Sit around while Kuei gets killed by you?” “We’re checking their loyalty. Anyone that vouches for Kuei’s return is our enemy. Anyone that states that Her Imperial Majesty is, as she is, the true Wielder of the Mandate, will be spared.”  _ Anyone that...so you’re just… but.  _ I gave a glance to Suki, a,  _ you better remember all this,  _ then said “Remember this...should we need it.” in my fancy actor imitator voice. She sweetly said “Oh, I will” and winked, pretending to be the flirtatious Ty Lee, all for this...ruse. “And what of Her Imperial Majesty’s bodyguards? Her retinue? Her Emperor?” Ji looked shocked that I even asked that. After inhaling some rice from a bowl of rice that just finished cooking on a cooking pot, “Why would we harm the Imperial Guard? They are loyal protectors of the Imperial Palace, unlike  _ some  _ black coats who act without Imperial Authority. And His Imperial Majesty? Kyoshi Island is our long-lost sister who has finally returned to the Empire.”  _ But...I...Toph told Oyaji last year that he could live in the equivalent of Omashu, an autonomous region _ .  _ Wait _ . I continued that thought process. “And what of Omashu?” He squinted his eyes. “Omashu seceded from the Empire. They are no brothers of ours. Any who secede are not our brothers.”  _ I… Of course. Right, right, of course. They’re… I… I don’t… What. I…  _

I was suddenly tired. Not physically tired. “I’d like to go back to my place, to rest. Expect a future visit.” and I bowed to him, then saw Suki kowtowing to the giant mural, so I did the same.  _ Of course, act the part _ . “Ten Thousand Years!” she shouted. “Ten Thousand Years!” I shouted. He punched the air and also chanted “Ten Thousand Years!”. The rest of the gathering chanted a hundred different tones of “Ten Thousand Years!”. Then we took to ascending the stairs. Ji barked a command. “Kang, see they get out safely” So Kang and his topknot walked past us, pressed the door open, wished us “Safe travels Hayashi and Aoma, the shadows are the longest in the dark” and he caved the entrance back in. 

Moments later, Lao Ge hopped off a nearby rooftop. “Line of Kyoshi!” he whispered to the two of us. Then, still quiet but  _ light-hearted _ , he asked “How was your first exposure to the next big rebellion?” And the two of us were just  _ not  _ interested.  _ I… _ I asked him “Can we go home?” with the tone of how a child would ask his father to go back from the fishing hole to rest and sleep. He laughed his unsettling spine-shivering laugh. “By all means, I’ll find you two tomorrow. You need not worry!” and he let the two of us wander, no,  _ stagger _ , away. Hahn’s was shuttered. As we walked into the street, he shouted “This one will succeed by the way!” he shouted, before a pair of soft feet scurried off into the darkness. Then, as if he turned back into a ghost, or the Spirit of Death, his footsteps stopped making noise.

We walked like ghosts upon a cemetary. Soft feet, softer breaths. Eventually we reached a two-lanes-both-ways road and I felt quite...faint. “I’m...going to sit down” I told her. She had barely enough time to grab me and prevent me from falling. We went to sit under a lantern. A truck came driving by and Suki ran out to wave it down. Inside were Dai Li, on their… shift of whatever time it was. One flick of the eyepatch and the Dai Li in the back of the truck made space for us to hop in. “To the Imperial Palace” I declare-shouted, exhausted. The driver comprehended the directions and took off. Whatever his previous plan was would have to wait by personal Imperial Edict.

I was beyond torn. Where can I begin? Fire Lord Zuko is not an enemy of the Empire. If he chooses to be, just as Ozai did, I’ll be the first one in a biplane flying out to attack him. The Avatar is beyond incompetant, but I don’t think he’s an enemy of the people yet. If he poses a threat, then he’ll pose a threat. We can handle a gullible idiot.  _ They also didn’t mention the Avatar. Perhaps they don’t care or they have innate respect?  _ The Ministers...sure, they’re mostly terrible. Especially the ones in the Imperial Court. But there’s also some qualified ones. A lot of qualified ones. I don’t know their names, but there’s enough of them that the Empire is able to function as, well, an Empire. Even the corrupt ones ensure the Empire’s success. The difference is they spend a lot of the extra time lining their pockets. I’d bet for every ten ‘bad’ ministers, including deputies and vice ones, there was one ‘good’ minister who had the Empire in mind, first and foremost.  _ It’s just the Imperial Court. Even then, just the top of the Imperial Court _ . 

As for Kuei, everything they’re saying is...right. Kuei  _ would  _ make a better King from the perspective of the bad Ministers. But… do we really need an entire army to stop one man from… actually doing it?…  _ Actually _ maybe they do. Maybe that  _ is  _ what is needed to stop the Ministers. But… there’s still good Ministers. And even if… for a moment, I thought these people were right… Kyoshi Island.  _ Home _ . Even if I agree that Kuei -assuming he’s even returning- needs to be stopped, my home.  _ I have to go home and warn them. Or get Oyaji to agree to rejoin the Empire _ .  _ And I must tell Xuan. I must tell people. We must hunt this rebellion down. I don’t need to act ‘beneath’ the law. I have the Empress on my side. She’ll have Kuei’s head on a spike if she was given the right -totally honest- reason for it _ .

  
  


Not that any of this mattered to Her Imperial Majesty. When I returned, I told the woman with her bed-hair everywhere and lying back on the bed “There’s...some unrest...soon, Toph” and fell face-first onto the blanket.

Did Toph stand to attention at this remark? No. “Get some sleep, Kyoshi.” and she helped me into bed. 

“But...we  _ must  _ do something about it.” I insisted “Now!”. She dismissed it, “We need to sleep.”

I’d have to try again later.

Or we’d all regret it soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Mori tries to resolve the Green Headbands...legally.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Underground Rebellion Folks:  
> -Oh the irony, for once Mori knows of something related to folktales that Suki doesn't. Lao Ge, the folk character, is still alive and didn't fade into memory.  
> -I was inspired by what little Lao Ge we got in RoK and tossed in some creative liberties. Namely, an arrogant eccentricism with proud boasts of actions/events he may or may not have done and may or may not have seen.   
> -I loved writing Lao Ge. A man who knows nearly everything and can do nearly anything who fears nothing and has his own twisted sense of justice.   
> -I won't explain all of Lao Ge's references, they're meant to be easter eggs of a sort.  
> -Know that almost everything Lao Ge says, even a simple sentence, could carry a deeper meaning. 
> 
> (This counts for anything from a question to storytelling!)
> 
> -For instance, Lao Ge gives his pointers, said pointers involve pointing his finger at something and deconstructing why it's a good or bad move.  
> -The Dai Li were going to show up. They weren't late, Lao Ge was early.  
> -Mori sometimes forgets that the Dai Li aren't a hivemind.
> 
> A plothole that nobody probably remembers, but the North Pole Campaign was originally set during the Polar Night. That doesn't make sense based on the established seasons in my writing (currently we're at the end of summer and the Nan Day Campaign aka Midnight Sun Campaign was a few weeks ago in the middle of the summer).  
> -This chapter retcons the North Pole Campaign to be during the time of Midnight Sun. Instead of only two hours of daylight, there was about 20-22 hours of daylight with 2-4 hours of twilight. It doesn't impact much since the Moon would still be out. That said, the full moon would only be up for 3 or 4 hours at most.  
> -It doesn't make the invasion any less stupid. Attacking a waterbender city with wooden junks and frontal earthbender charges (earthbenders, on ice) is not the best of tactical moves.  
> -Yes, the Siege of the North was one of the Kingdom's costliest victories. Something like 1 waterbender killed for every 20-50 soldiers. They only won because the NWT didn't expect such an assault and sent most of their levied waterbenders south to assist the Southerers while the rest of their waterbenders were back in the tribal lands across the continent. Had the Northerners brought all ~12 thousand waterbenders of theirs together, they'd be impenetrable.  
> -The story of the Spirit Oasis is true, except it wasn't Wu who did it. We don't know who visited the place and saw a fish and refused to eat it. Such is the case with these kinds of 'urban legends' but on battlefields; someone might've started it and we'll never know who. Everyone claims to be 'the one' and everyone laughs along at the claims.  
> -Much of Lao Ge's story is true. I won't spoil what is or isn't true.  
> -Regardless of it's truth, the story served to teach the listeners (specifically the Kyoshi Islanders) some lessons in a very Lao Ge-esque way.  
> -I won't do this explanation for each character, but Jianyu and Mori have a lot in common (or, that's what Lao Ge is implying).  
> -The Colonies have one rest day a week (new moon, waxing 1/4, full, waning 1/4, repeat) for 4/28 days a month.
> 
> -"The Fiery Sky is Dead! The Jade Empire will Rise!" is a reference to the Yellow Turban Rebellion's saying: "The Azure Sky is already dead; the Yellow Sky will soon rise..." The Fiery Sky/Azure Sky are the Fire Nation/Han Empire, which 'ruled' the world. The Jade Empire/Yellow Sky are the movements that will rise up and usurp them. Both groups are anti-government. The connective tissue is both are 'pro' monarch, with the Yellow Turbans wanting one of their own, Zhang Jue; and the Green Headbands want Toph to stay on the throne. The GH are also pro-Imperial Guard (and pro-anything Toph is in support of, publically).   
> -The Green Headband's claims are true. They have ostrich horses, and tanks, and lots of infantry, and popular support, and...yeah...don't mess with the masses.  
> -Is there a Grand Magistrate Conspiracy? Find out!


	43. Work? Just Embezzle Money and Build a Palace Instead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling stressed over the previous night's encounters, the Emperor searches for answers.

Chapter One Hundred and Nine:

_ The Fiery Sky is Dead! The Jade Empire will Rise!  _

I tossed and turned throughout the night. I was fraught with these terrors, a hundred different ways this situation could end. Most would see Ba Sing Se reduced to rubble. Some had these...rebels… causing it, being let loose and pillaging the city. Some had the rebellion fail which gave the Court the perfect excuse to overthrow the Empress on their own. Some had the rebellion fail because...as these uneducated soldiers say, the former Earth King has many allies. Some had the Empire dissolve into two dozen warring states, each vying for total control. One featured myself being beheaded. My fright was only amplified because the young woman using me as a pillow tended to get quite...hand-grabby. She tended to enjoy wrapping her hands around my hair or -accidentally- roll her head over and bang my chest with it. I was in no position to tell her to, I don’t know, go use an actual pillow, because at the end of the day, she’s the Empress of Ten Thousand Years and I’m...me, the man from Kyoshi Island. I mean, I  _ did  _ wake her up and cited “a fear of rebellion” as my reasoning why -since revealing secrets to the Empress is both the law and the right thing to do- but she dismissed them. “What you say is the truth, but there’s  _ always  _ a fear of rebellion. Isn’t this the Empire with lots of  _ daofei _ ?”  _ Yeah...no.  _ She wondered how my heart could race while I was afraid of something that “won’t happen.” As she said, “How could you be so scared of something unlikely to happen? We have a massive army and Dai Li and a  _ Palace _ and these ‘rebels’ don’t have a dragon.” She believed that, instead, “You’re scared of New Taku. That’s what your fear really is. Now go back to sleep.” and, to fix the whole racing heart, she took a pillow and rested on it.  _ I can’t fault her.  _ It was too late for either of us to discuss this.  _ I’ll talk about it...tomorrow. I guess _ . As for New Taku? Sure, there’s some concern over that.

I have a rating of how I categorize fear. The closer something is to Her Imperial Majesty, the higher my concern. A  _ daofei  _ rebellion in the Southlands means not much to me if we’re in Ba Sing Se. That said, I would be worried about Kyoshi Island. New Taku sits across the continent from us. The only reason it’s even a passing concern is that the Avatar’s attempts to form a new government -namely the head of it- could cause waves that wash over Ba Sing Se. A conflict in the Eastern Air Temple matters much more due to its proximity to our coast, our main waterway, and thus Ba Sing Se. Should the Junction or Nanchang be taken by rebels, then our access to the entire center and south of the Empire would be schismed. And more importantly, that’s on the doorstep of the insurmountable -but quite penetrable- Outer Wall. Inside the city, the former Fire Lord sits in a jail cell buried deep in the pits of Lake Laogai. She has no reason to try and escape and even if she does, she’d have an entire city of Dai Li and Imperial Guard to counter her. A rebellion in the streets is a rebellion in the streets...of Ba Sing Se. That would be an uprising within our walls, and unless  _ every  _ Dai Li border guard was able to close every last gate, then that’s a mob of peasants swarming the Rings. Meanwhile, an uprising in the Upper Ring? There’s nothing but a few Imperial Guard and the Dai Li from stopping them on their quest to storm the Palace. The  _ only  _ thing -currently- that threatens Her Imperial Majesty’s peaceful, innocent, delicate, sleep, would be if the Ministers themselves rebelled. This didn’t make my sleep any easier. It just meant that  _ one  _ of our large foes could rear itself, a peasant rebellion, and if it doesn’t, then a Minister-backed… usurpation. could happen.

I can’t say the Empress was especially pleased when I rolled out of bed and got up. Before a rock glove, or her own hand, could detain me, I went to the doorway. “Guards.” “Yes, Your Majesty?” a pair of Imperial Guards replied. “Double the guards for the rest of the night.” “As Your Majesty wishes.” If nothing else, I had command over the guards. That was something. I had half a mind,  _ no,  _ a full mind, to leave and go audit the entire Palace… but I was stopped. By stopped, I mean the Empress -who was supposedly quite asleep- grabbed me and tugged on my arm to return to sleep. “Your paranoia’s just going to prevent you from getting any-” she gave one hard tug, “- _ sleep _ ,” and she tossed me back over to the bed. Thanks to sleep-deprivation, I had this to say. “My paranoia is based on dreams I’ve been having!” The Empress’s harsh -and tired- tone turned lighthearted. “ _ Dreams _ ? You woke  _ me  _ up over  _ dreams _ ?” “Yes.” “Oh, Kyoshi...you’re…” but she lost her composure and broke into laughter. Loud stomach-buckling laughter. I started to join her in laughter but took a  _ shove  _ instead and fell onto the bed. “Don’t laugh, Kyoshi. It’s not funny.” “But you were just-” I was cut off by the Empress tackling me in some kind of well-practiced wrestling move. Not that I could defend, a single lantern meant I couldn’t see much. “Go back to sleep, Kyoshi” and she crawled back under her blanket. I got back under mine and...at some point, I resumed my duties as Imperial Pillow.  _ I won’t be able to sleep.  _

And yet I did fall asleep. Upon reawakening, I shouted “What’s the time?” and received some Imperial Guard’s voice and a “after-midday” response. Her Imperial Majesty was  _ not  _ waiting on my chest, instead for once in a very long time I did not wake up feeling sore. I turned and rolled to my side and, no, she wasn’t lying next to me either. Now, if one can understand the previous night of terrors -since my next phase of sleep was complimented by a few terrors- and affiliated context of such terrors, then it would make some sense as to why my next course of action was  _ jumping  _ out of bed, ripping my blade out of its sheath, and yelling “Where’s Her Imperial Majesty?”. The  _ slam  _ of standing up and subsequent shout earned two Imperial Guards to run inside, their hands on their hilts. “Her Imperial Majesty is training the troops, Your Majesty” stated the one who gave me the time from earlier. “Is Your Majesty alright?” asked the other.  _ Wait. She’s safe?  _ I found my sheath and “I’m-” stuck the blade back in “fine. Dismissed.” I They kowtowed and left. And  _ then  _ I noticed that I was just wearing a robe and some sarashi.  _ Well that’s not embarrassing. Nope _ . Also,  _ training the troops? But...wouldn’t those be the same troops that… But… they aren’t going to hurt her. They… what… troops… but.. _ . I felt confused. To resolve this confusion, I’d go put on pants. An aside, assuming something  _ did  _ happen, charging enemies armed with oh-so-durable  _ skin  _ and robes would  _ absolutely guarantee  _ a victory on my end.  _ I say this like I haven’t killed people wearing sleepwear.  _

I went into the Consort’s Bedroom and immediately came under the offensive of a multitude of attendants and their well-meaning intentions. “A wonderful afternoon, Your Majesty” the sweet voiced Ming stated while her aides and her kowtowed. I looked over at the window. The curtains were already drawn back. It was, indeed, afternoon. Then I looked over at her and her two braids. “Indeed it is.” Subsequently, they showered me with suggestions for clothing attire while I physically, politely, told them “I’d like to go take a shower  _ first _ .” After enjoying the pleasures of standing beneath a fountain of warm water and having my hair stretched long and made soggy and smelling of  _ flowers _ , I returned to my official chambers. The attendants,  _ I only needed one but I was hard-pressed with more hard-pressing matters at hand _ , did up my long flowy hair into a queue while others presented me options to wear. Yes, such flowy, flowy, manly hair. It’s tradition and it looks nice.  _ If Prince Sokka gets to have a bag that matches his belt, I get this. _ End of discussion. I chose the Imperial Summertime Robes, a  _ longpao  _ decorated much as the old Earth King’s robes were. The normal bluish-green design was muffled beneath the luminous yellow of the summer season. Of course, never try to  _ fight  _ in such clothes. While they helped me into such robes, I pondered if I could combine the Imperial Armor with, well, the fanciest tailorwork this side of...oh who am I kidding, the fanciest tailorwork anywhere in any of the Three Nations and one Egg. I get a nice blue and green cape to represent the merger of my previously nonexistent noble dynasty with Toph’s, so that’s neat. Upon the end of ‘let’s play dress up’, I inquired about Afternoon Court. Ming, credit to her, gave a response I expected. “They’ll be holding it, I personally doubt they would invite Your Majesty to it.” I appreciated that, “Thanks Ming”, stood, and chose to march off to Court. “Even if nothing’s going to happen in it,  _ someone  _ should be present at Court.” And I’m that somebody. ‘Ten Thousand Years’ to everyone else, I’m somebody. Also, it’s true. Someone should attend Court. If we had a Prime Minister, it would be him. 

I worked my way down a long hall of silence, no that’s not a name it’s just long and silent because this is the Northern part of the Palace and only for us. Dear Avatar, please remember this. Dear Fire Lord, please remind the Avatar that he can’t just air-scooter his way into our bedchamber. Dear Avatar, I know you’ll do it anyways. Since nobody else was around,  _ that’s a lie, I’m being followed by a small army of Imperial Guards and attendants _ , I wondered if maybe I could try running down the hall instead. So I did. It was quite fun. Also my legs kept getting caught in my, my... _ dress _ , but alas that’s the price for wearing one’s wealth on their sleeves. And legs. And chest.  _ Mostly the legs, though _ .  _ Note, no wonder nobody ever tries running, they’d trip on their clothes _ .

“I disagree, I say we need to add another guest house to the Imperial Summer River Palace” was the first thing I heard when the small side door that faced the expansive Badgermole Throne was opened. _Are we starting with this? We are, aren’t we?_ “Why one guest house? Why not two? His Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Uncle deserves more than one mere guest house” came a second voice. Then someone with eyes noticed the man in flashy yellowish blue-green clothes step in and someone else yelled “His Imperial Majesty has arrived!” But, but, because that’s not formal enough, the Court Herald, _not to be confused with the Imperial Herald_ , rattled off the usual “Presenting, His Imperial Majesty...” He sounded like he was reciting a bunch of chores, or perhaps, Commander Xuan rattling off specific kill-then-dispose instructions. Speaking of competent people, of which these are not, “Your Majesty, is your Imperial Uncle a lowborn?” a man whose voice probably matched the arrogance that befits the word ‘Grand’ and the word ‘Excellency’ inquired. _No he’s...wait what? Who? What?_ I looked at the crowd, tried to find the source of the voice, and uncharacteristically -that is, not formally- said “My uncle? You mean Oyaji?” “Indeed, Your Majesty” he responded. _What kind of person goes ‘indeed’ to something? Indeed, only an arrogant delusional man._ I walked over to the Consort’s Throne, pulled on my cape, and sat down. “No...he’s…” but I staggered because… _Oyaji? My...what?_ To try and clarify, and start somewhere -you can’t just enter a conversation in the middle and expect them to discuss what you want them to be discussing- I asked “I’m a noble, right?” _No, you’re somebody. Don’t you remember?_ This man… I couldn’t place a name to his voice, declared “Your Majesty is above the nobility.” “Therefore, so is my uncle” I concluded, slicing the need for punctuation off because _hey everyone there’s a rebellion coming and you’re all going to die_. The man smiled and turned to a different man, _how specific_ and said “see, Minister Hai? His Imperial Majesty sided with _me_ ” _Who. Are. You, though?_ The man I presume to be Minister Hai - _he’s a minister? Of what? Stealing my time?_ \- responded, only after bowing, “but shall we invest in an additional guest house for the Imperial Summer River Palace, we would not be able to afford the expansion to the Imperial River Junk. Your Excellency, please reconsider.” _Imperial...what? Huh?_ I grabbed food from a waiting tray, some kind of pig-turkey broth, and in doing so missed who he was talking to. As such, I asked “Were you talking to me?” This Minister Hai clarified, “No, Your Majesty. His Excellency, Minister Yong.” _Wait so he is an Excellency? That...I’m glad I nailed him well. I nailed him like Toph nailed that one man to that other man with a metal javelin._ “And _you_ are?” I asked this ‘other’ man, since I’m new here - _note, I’m not_ \- and I couldn’t care less, _priorities_. “Grand Excellency Yong-Fang of the Ministry of Works, Your Majesty” he replied as humble as a badgermole is sighted. _Oh, so you build things. That’s neat. Wait. You build things. I have questions. And you can give me answers. Let’s do it!_

I asked something that might be relevant to an overarching goal. “Minister, how’s the Terra Team’s infrastructure expansion project along the Caijiahe coastline going?”  _ And the goal is not a Palace. _ “Halted for we have yet to finish construction of the Yankou Palace’s extensions.”  _ Yankou what?  _ I inadvertently choked on some of this delicious broth I was enjoying because it’s not everyday I hear a sentence like that. “Yankou  _ what _ ?” “The Terra Team’s matters were south of the Lakes, Your Majesty. The Yankou Palace is north. Our resources need to go to the Palace first, Your Majesty.” This man said  _ this  _ with a serious tone. I hit back with“What?”“In my humble opinion-”  _ oh yes you are so humble. I needed two eyes to see that _ . “-Your Majesty, there was no point in trying to expand the monorail line. As Your Majesties’ Imperial Campaign demonstrated, those savages can handle themselves. The Yankou Palace, on the other hand, is a fine jewel that needs our resources first.”  _ What? You…  _ I couldn’t laugh at this. It was stupid. So I countered, sipping my broth and swallowing it first so I wouldn’t be able to drown myself in a few  _ miao _ , and said “You took away our attempt to centralize the Caijiahe, Sunan and Suxu peoples because of a  _ Palace _ ?” and he nodded. And everyone nodded. “That’s correct, Your Majesty!” he said. And the rest said. If I wasn’t going to get my… you know… realistic expectations fulfilled, I might as well learn of the next time I  _ can  _ get something completed. “When’s this Palace going to be finished?” He nodded, because he likes nodding, and joyfully stated “With the Terra Team’s support, Your Majesty, next spring.”  _ Oh joy.  _ I grabbed my jade fan and waved it around because nothing like waving fans to assert dominance -it worked for my ancestor- and everyone stopped side-chattering to let me give a proclamation. “I order you to send the Terra Team back to Caijiahe. I want that monorail line to connect to Minquan by next spring. Not some Palace I’ll never even use.” To help emphasize the formal annoyance I had, I snapped the fan shut. “I do not possess that authority, Your Majesty. Your Majesty must consult with the Council of Five.”  _ Wait what?  _ “Then how did you  _ take  _ the Terra Team?” This Grand Excellency humbly explained that “As Grand Excellency of Works, I have the authority to requisition anyone for building projects, Your Majesty.”  _ But you can’t dismiss them? What is this madness?  _

I chose to move on to something else since I had more important matters at hand.  _ Like rebellions _ . “I’ve heard rumors of rebel groups that wish to stage a rebellion.” Nobody seemed to take the statement seriously. “So? That’s the Dai Li’s problem, Your Majesty” remarked some Minister with no name who I’m probably going to kill soon. “Is that not the Minister of the Guard’s issue?” remarked a completely different nameless minister from the mass of cushion-dwellers.  _ Didn’t I kill that guy? I think I did _ .“Minister Bohai, your thoughts?” asked some old person.  _ How specific _ . “I oversee traffic.” a man probably named Bohai responded from the front row of the old men gathering. “Who’s Bohai?” I, being too busy, you know, waging campaigns against  _ daofei  _ and traitors, didn’t know who Bohai was. “The  _ new  _ Minister of the Guards” this Bohai fellow responded, cheerily.  _ Oh you’re so happy.  _ I squinted at him.  _ I can make you the Late Minister if you’d really like it _ . 

But before I could continue, those far-distant doors that tend to be dramatic dramatically opened. And in walked a man in court attire with a wispy white beard and his hair done in a topknot. “Presenting, the Imperial Tutor, Lao” and this thin figure who looked like he’d blow away in a single gale stepped forward and kowtowed. A thin figure dressed in court robes. His beard was clean and crisp, his hair done into a topknot within a court cap, his skin was less pale, but he still bore those two faded green eyes.  _ No. How did you even...but...I was speaking to you yesterday. What?  _

Because my inner thoughts double as outer thoughts, “Since when was this man named Imperial Tutor?” I asked the crowd while getting off my Consort’s Throne. One of those pesky ministers explained “Minister Lao worked in Nangang, specifically Chameleon Bay, and was recommended by all four Magistrates of the Embara Coast along with a half-dozen Magistrates from the Earth Islands.”  _ Recommended? You’re a known assassin. You were recommended… how?  _ I used my pretend formal voice. “That’s...good to hear.” because  _ I don’t know this famous kingslayer. Nope. Though, his deeds were so long ago that his name faded into memory _ . I opened my palm to him. “Welcome, Minister Lao.” He knelt at a specific spot, lowered his head, and when he kowtowed, he created a loud echo.  _ This is the first time in your history you’ve kowtowed before the Badgermole Throne, isn’t it _ . With his natural voice, “I will proudly advise Your Majesties until the day of my death.”  _ That’s going to be a long time then. And I’m from Kyoshi Island.  _ I did  _ not  _ laugh. I bowed back, not required per formality but  _ he deserved it _ . “Minister, I request your exemplary tutoring lessons.” and I gracefully  _ jumped  _ off the dais and walked over to him. “Arise, Minister Lao.” I took him by the hands to help him up.  _ A formal courtesy for the Imperial Tutor. Not that he’s ailing. At all _ . Then, as he followed me out the side door, I turned and shouted “Oh, and keep Court in session! I want the scribes to report the conclusions in Imperial Memorials!” and I walked out. Beyond the realm of Palaces and River Junks, there was a  _ chance  _ I might be able to talk to someone with some smarts. Lao Ge followed me -a first for him in hundreds of years- over to my private study. 

I slammed the door shut. Once I knew we were as alone as we could be, I quietly, in an accusatory tone, said “You killed all those Magistrates and stole their seals didn’t you?” “I politely asked them for their recommendations, Your Majesty” he replied, his voice making the room slightly colder. I took a breath. _Remember who he is_. “Did you also politely knock on their doors?” “I did, Your Majesty. In every commandery I visited since Her Imperial Majesty’s ascension, every commandery that wasn’t on fire that is, they all unanimously recommended me for my abilities to solve any problems.” _Of course they did. You’re a walking history book. What do you not know?_ “How many did you kill for their seals? I’m just asking because I hope they were incompetant, too.” “I don’t remember. Maybe...a hundred? A hundred and fifty? But not all for their seals. Only one or two people for their seals, and those were county-level officials. I might’ve gotten drunk one day and just turned someone’s town center into a sinkhole. Sorry ‘bout that.” His lighthearted tone meant nothing. It’s a game for him to act like a drunk, but _we both know you can turn me into paste if you really want, so I’ll just ignore that last comment about killing officials._ “Were they all incompetant?” I pulled out a chair for him to sit down on, then walked over to a counter and retrieved a pitcher of water to pour for he and I. “What country do you live in?” he ignored the titles and ignored the answer. _That said, he’s right._

“You miss Ba Sing Se? Last time you were in this Palace-” but I cut myself off because I love storytime and I thought it was storytime. Also, I had to focus on pouring a drink. “If I may be honest, Your Majesty, the Earth Kings were too boring to chat with. How do I advise people and haunt others if they’re so...uninteresting?” I had no idea how to respond to that. “So, you promise not to kill me in my sleep?” I half-jokingly asked, since I knew the fate of many past Earth Kings and their never-ascended heirs. He hoarsely laughed. “You’re too much fun.” and affirmed, in his best unsettling tone, “I won’t.” Then he gave me a pat on the shoulder.  _ Note: ow, please don’t slap my shoulder.  _ “Now that I have the father of the Dai Li under my...hold on, what’s a good metaphor?”  _ really, I was clueless to the metaphor, he slapped me senseless from merely arriving in Court _ . “You’ve taken the father of the Dai Li under your  _ wing _ , Your Majesty. Also that’s a flowery name for the co-founder of the shadow people” and he snorted at his own sense of humor. He sat down and cupped the teacup in his hands, but didn’t down it. I looked down at him and replied “You’re talking to the guy named after a tree whose ancestor was the  _ mother  _ of the shadow people. It’s in my blood.” “To be a shadow person? Did you listen to yesterday’s story?” “I did.” “Those people were shadow people. That was a line of shadow people. I can’t see-” then his face flashed with shock, “Oh I’m so sorry about that, but I can’t picture you crawling up a wall.” For a moment his apologies sounded like a grandfather apologizing to his grandson. For a moment. “I can still  _ try, _ ” I arrogantly declared, pointing at a wall.

“No he can’t” the ceiling announced in it’s distinctive ceiling voice. “Wei, be quiet” announced the  _ other  _ ceiling voice. While he looked up at the ceiling and pointed “you, agent, you’re sitting on the rafter incorrectly” I looked up at the ceiling and saw nothing. “I  _ am _ ?” asked the first voice. “I keep telling you that you’ll cut off circulation to your legs” the second voice said. “But it feels fun” the man whose legs were being cut off -metaphorically- stated. The Imperial Tutor pointed at the ceiling and ordered “You, get down here” So the two of them fell down. The leg man stubbed his toe and face-planted my studyroom’s bed, the other one casually stuck the landing. “Ow. My face.” the man who was now lying in my bed whined. The other of the two bowed to me, then grabbed the former with a rock glove, chastised him, “get up” and dusted him off. “Minister, I’m Agent Shen, on behalf of the entire-” but he was cut off when the Imperial Tutor raised his hand. He greeted his children, metaphorically, with “And I’m Lee, how we doin’?” Wei looked around, a bit stunned -falls can do that- then bowed, first to me, second to the assassin. The Wei of the two was all sunshine and smiles, completely different from his partner’s neutral professionalism. Wei, unprofessionally, asked “you’re  _ the  _ father of the Dai Li? Lao Ge? Tieguai the ‘Imma put a rock glove through your throat’ Immortal? Immortal Tieguai?” Wei looked about ready to head-smash the ground from excitement. On the other hand, if nonexistent looks -I could only see his chin- could showcase emotion, I’m sure Shen would be rolling his eyes. “I told you, I’m Lee.” Lee stated, nonchalant. Then he gulped his drink down and “also yes. I’m all of those things. I can also paint really well with the color red.” and Shen laughed at that.  _ Okay...Dai Li laughing. That’s… that’s creepy _ . “I’ve always dreamed of meeting you! I thought you were dead!” this Wei agent was so happy he smiled. “I told the Spirit of Death to go die, so now I’m him” Lee casually replied, waving his fan away with a hand wave. “You got a new title? That’s awesome! Did you duel Death?” The Immortal chuckled softly. “Nah, I bought him a few whiskies.” Then he turned to me. “Turns out your great-great-great-great-great grandmother’s recipe for Clear Whiskey was  _ so  _ good even Death didn’t want to claim her.”  _ No I’m not on cactus juice. Right? And...the Spirit of Death isn’t real.  _ And he smiled.  _ That’s not creepy _ . But Wei hopped in front of me and was all “you’ve even got the white beard! You look just like the Spirit of Death! It’s so surreal!”  _ No this is Lee. Or Lao Ge. Or maybe it’s nobody. I’m somebody.  _ Lao Ge chuckled at the compliments, “thank you, thank you, I love all my children-” and he turned around to face the bowing Shen “-equally.” “Minister, can we get on to, I don’t know, some secretive plotting?” and my inquiry made him laugh and rotate his wrists around. “I love secrets. And plotting. Only if we crack some skulls after it though.” and within the blink of an eye he grabbed Wei with a rock glove and tossed him over to the bed. His tone went from lighthearted and humorous to serious. “Right, so playtime’s over, the grown up people have to plot now.” The two agents gathered themselves and reascended to the shadow lands. He pointed up at the ceiling and, in a deep voice, “If either of you mention who I am, I’ll have your entire family killed off.” That, maybe as he expected, sent shivers down my spine.

He presented me with a smile. “Let us begin, then.”  _ I… okay…  _ I needed to learn to accept his...quick deliberate changes. I questioned “Have you noticed the Ministers being incompetant? I’d like to do something about that” while gesturing in the direction of all the babbling that we couldn’t hear but was probably happening. “What? You think I’m your personal assassin?”  _ I mean…  _ “Yes?” He gave two or three “Ha”s before, back to the assassin self, squinted his eyes and said “I’m not a mercenary.”  _ Wait, what? _ So I stated “But...the Line of Kyoshi. You pledged to  _ serve  _ it, did you not?” “And the Badgermole Throne isn’t the Line of Kyoshi.  _ You’re  _ the blood of Kyoshi. A golden chair over there’s a chair.”  _ Then...what, you came up here just to antagonize me? Is this one of your long-winded jokes?  _ “My...I don’t know legally what she is but somewhere between going-to-be-married and eloped, the Empress, if you want to serve me then you should serve her.” He snorted. “I serve the interests of your ancestor’s ethics. And aside from this, what do you  _ think  _ will happen if I suddenly twist my wrists and make all those old people go flying? I got myself the rank of Imperial Tutor to advise you. Do you think I’d still have that rank or position if I made them vanish?” “But...you don’t care. You’re, you’re, you’re-” he cut my staggering self off. “I, I, I, what? I don’t want to  _ lose  _ what was gained.” “So you… can’t act in my interests?” “I won’t act  _ for  _ you, Your Majesty. I didn’t act  _ for  _ Kyoshi either.” I inquired, a bit of concern in my voice, “Should the need arise, you’ll protect us?”, since otherwise this man stumbled his way through a bunch of commanderies only to drunkenly barge in and make himself a high rank just to... _ I don’t know, joke around?  _ “Why not,” he said, light in tone, downing more of the pitcher-filled goblet of water. I joined him in sipping a drink, but didn’t toast to it. “So what was your point of coming here?” “Finally, Your Majesty asked the  _ right  _ question.” 

When done drinking, he put his cup down, put his hands on the desk, and looked over at the pile of memorials. “I needed to get some influence again. I knew one, Her Imperial Majesty wouldn’t even know who I am or why I deserve a rank over anyone else and there was no way for the two of us to meet up. So I did it the old fashioned way and just up-jumped myself. Once famous enough in Chameleon Bay -of all places, I know- all it took was a few polite requests and suddenly the Ministers had ‘one of their own’ coming to Ba Sing Se to join the bureaucratic nightmare that is the Imperial Court. I had enough competency to be trusted with teaching the two of you, but not enough to be a threat to anyone else. And besides, nobody  _ wants  _ the rank of Imperial Tutor.” “But...why choose Imperial Tutor? Why not become something less...popular?” He sighed. “While Her Imperial Majesty runs around punching hills at people and you buzz about in a biplane turning your foes into well toasted paste, I could stay here and attend to the Court. Since, after all, the Imperial Tutor traditionally advised the Earth Kings. It’s like a blacksmith forging a  _ jian  _ for a specific  _ jian  _ scabbard his friend down the road is making.” The following was said with elation. “It’s a perfect fit!” Then he went back to his normal, ‘normal’ on the softer end tone. “I sit around listening to what these intelligent, intelligent, people say, and unlike Your Majesties, I’m ‘one of them’. And I know what you’re thinking, ‘Illegitimate child of Oma, what does that mean?’”  _ I didn’t ask that _ . “Whereas Your Majesties solve problems...let’s call it, Kyoshi-style, I solve problems, let’s call it, Jianzhu-style. They’ll never listen to Your Majesty but they might listen to me. I know their ways. And if they don’t, there’s a chance I can...smooth things over.” and he relaxed, stretched his arms backwards, and yawned. I had questions. Many questions. 

“Minister, what stops them from learning that you’re, let’s say, on our side, and conspiring against you? Does this mean that your end-goal will be to rid us of the Ministers? What will we replace them with? Are you still going to travel the Empire, killing your foes and wrongdoers?” but in response to my serious tone, he yawned again. “I. Can’t. Just. Kill. All the Ministers.” and he yawned for some five  _ miao _ . “That’s not how politics works. I can’t kill  _ any  _ of these people. I hate to break it to Your Majesty’s mind, but the Empire will not, just as the Kingdom did not, take to change.” “So are we supposed to do about the incompetent ministers?” “Oh, they’ll meet their fates. A reform is needed. I’ll see what I can do within the Imperial Court, let’s say, be Your Majesties’ sentinel, while the two of you proceed as you desire.” and he got up and walked towards the door without even asking me if he had the permission to. Because he now did have the permission to. 

Imperial Tutor Lao Ge, from  _ daofei  _ assassin and shadowy hunting to one of the highest ranked individuals in the Empire. Was all of this just an attempt for him to consolidate personal power? I have no idea. As for the Dai Li listening in, “all of you know what happens to those who spill internal secrets,” he stated to the ceiling. So not only was he Imperial Tutor Lao Ge, but he was a self-proclaimed Dai Li agent. And he walked off, probably to Court. I sat there for another  _ fen _ , maybe five, alone in the room. Or...almost alone. The attendants didn’t come in earlier and they stayed out while I tried to rationalize all this.  _ He stumbled out of the history books and into Court _ . After drinking up the rest of the pitcher, I got up and left. I went back down the hall and to the room full of babbling idiots.  _ Perhaps now, I had an ally amidst all this. No...I think I have an ally. He serves the Line of Kyoshi, right?  _

“Minister Hong, after the recent riots, perhaps trying to publically affiliate with His Royal Majesty is  _ not  _ beneficial” the Imperial Tutor stated while looking the Herald in the eyes. “Why? The Dai Li took care of the riots” Hong replied, neutral but with that hint of ‘I’m taking offense at this’. “And ideologies don’t stop when you kill a couple of their worshippers” the Imperial Tutor replied. “What would Your Excellency do?” one of Hong’s deputies asked. “Suggest that His Royal Majesty maintain a safe distance from Ba Sing Se and give reparations to Ba Sing Se and the Empire.” The Minister and his deputy laughed. The whole room broke into laughter, or...most of them did. The Minister of the Imperial Clan stayed quiet, as did a few deputies. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?” asked someone who had regained their composure from somewhere in the crowd. “I find that whiskey is the best of friends. And no,” and he changed the pitch and tone to be less...ecstatic and be much...darker, “considering the rebels want to kill every last one of the people in this room, I’d rather be enemies with a crippled nation than friends with a pile of corpses.” Yet again, most of the Court -most of- laughed at him. I wasn’t laughing. I watched him dish out all this. Hong stated“The Ministry has made its decision.”with thick arrogance. “Do you  _ not  _ want your tax money? Because this is how you don’t get your tax money.” the Imperial Tutor, back to his usual drunken tone countered. “I believe His Excellency should retain tutoring Her Imperial Majesty, not meddling in the matters of the Ministry.” So the Imperial Tutor stood up, bowed to him, and declared “Your funeral” before kowtowing to the Badgermole Throne, then walking up to the staircase and looking up at me. “I suggest Your Majesty attend another tutor session” and he walked out the side door. 

“You’re  _ not  _ going to kill him?” I couldn’t believe it. Even my reply. I just... _ how. Why?  _ “Your Majesty, if you go and execute them, you’ll just have a new row of faces” he said in his reassuring grandfather tone. “But...they’re idiots! They’re complete idiots! They care about the size of some Palace’s guest house compartment  _ somewhere _ , and not unrest!” My shouting was stopped when he grabbed my hand and placed it on the desk. Did he reassure me? No. In his serious tone; “If you think I’m here to pursue some deluded idea of killing ministers and replacing them with more ministers...no.” “But...these people…” but my staggering was interrupted by him. His serious tone turned  _ slightly  _ harsh. “We face crises in all directions. The Xishan are still autonomous. Huizhou is full of  _ daofei _ . The sandbenders remain a thorn in our side. The Magistrates are incompetent. New Taku’s status is peculiar. And did I mention… the rebels?”  _ I can’t...I can’t disagree with you. That’s...right. You’re right. Of course you’re right.  _ I took a few deep breaths while he  _ apologized _ . “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but that’s, count ‘em, five, no six, problems. And that’s just the problems you know about.”  _ Yes, that’s the point. There’s a lot of problems and we aren’t even talking about the Imperial Court _ . “How would you suggest I tackle them?” I asked. He grinned. “Finally! You’re treating me like the Imperial Tutor, not the Imperial Problem-Fixer. Let me take a long-winded analogy to explain this…” and he proceeded to give a long-winded analogy to explain ‘this’, or, in other words, how to organize this.

He spoke like a grandfather, even with the shaky voice. “When you build a dam for a waterfall, you don’t put the gravel in first, right? When you build a dam, you find the tree root you’ll use and, despite what anyone else says, you’ll  _ try  _ to make that tree root work. Only if it fails do you move on to a different location, a different chokepoint, for the dam. So you have this tree root crossing a stream. First, you find big rocks, big enough to act like shields, and you shove them into the streambed sediment forcing the water to part. Now you’ve chopped the stream from a single torrent into some spigots. And from there, you find small rocks and plant them in front of the edges of the bigger rocks. Now the water spigots turn into trickles. They’ll struggle to get through the wall. You fill those holes in with smaller and smaller rocks, and finally gravel. If your slabs were big enough and their holes small enough, you turned that stream into a few trickles at worst and a pond at best. Right?” I slowly nodded along.  _ Right.  _ He carried on. “Your issues should be approached in a similar fashion. You take the biggest issues, the biggest rocks, and you deal with them first. If the Magistrate of who-cares-where in the far South is having trouble because his wife’s brother’s cousin’s first nephew declared open rebellion, then he rebels. And you have an army to crush that rebellion. If someone stages an uprising along the main trade lines, you tackle that before worrying about the rebellious first nephew. You take the army and you hammer that uprising into the dirt. If someone stages an uprising in Ba Sing Se, you take the full might of the Imperial Army of the Center and turn that rebellion into a footnote in history.” 

I appreciated his analogy. Really, I did. When he mentioned the waterfall, I felt a bit of a chill down my spine, and as such my first response question was “were you watching me build a waterfall?” to which he nodded. Which only made my neck twinge because  _ this man’s watched my entire life _ . I don’t want to think about what he has or hasn’t seen. Aside from the creepy formerly sweet memory of building a dam, I appreciated the analogy. I understood it. But his suggestions were as detached as an airbender on a battlefield. “Here’s the thing-” and here, I chose to refer to him as befitting his rank, “-Master-” which earned a smirk. “-may I be honest about the Imperial Army?” He smiled widely. “Of course. The Imperial Tutor doesn’t need all the formalities. We can talk as peers.”  _ As peers.  _ His flattering took me aback.  _ Okay, collect yourself. You can finally talk the truth and speak your mind _ . 

So I did. “The Imperial Army is incapable of crushing these kinds of rebellions, though. I’ve spent the better part of the past half a year, actually no, going forward from Sozin’s Comet, I’ve spent the past year  _ on  _ the battlefield and the Imperial Army is...a disgrace. They’re usually quite loyal and tangentially not going to rout, but they are simply awful. I fought the  _ daofei  _ in the south and the  _ daofei  _ had more tanks than our regional militia and had more riders than the five commanderies’ standing armies together.” To that, he snickered. “So then Your Majesty already knows the first big rock to plant. The Imperial Army. Your story intrigues me, though. How did Your Majesty defeat a force of technologically superior foes if the regional army was, I’m launching an arrow in the dark, composed of bamboo stake carrying peasant farmers?” and he looked around the study as if the answer would pop out of the walls.  _ Maybe she will.  _ “The honor system that  _ daofei  _ and Imperial follow. Or...I expected the  _ daofei  _ to follow it. I dueled their lord’s best soldier and killed him. Then he showed up and smashed me into the wall a few times. Then the Empress lost her mind and brought the mountain down on the rest of the  _ daofei  _ army and also impaled the lord with his own chestplate. Since she’s...you know...the Empress.” He took a few deep breaths, actually appearing to ponder the situation. “So Your Majesty didn’t win on strategy or tactics. You simply had the strongest fighter.” “That’s correct” I somewhat disappointedly replied. “So if Her Imperial Majesty was ever made incapacitated, the entire Empire would collapse. That’s...what I warned you of in the past.”  _ I don’t recall you warning me of this in the past. I recall being told that she’s an extremely powerful earthbender and something about bloodlines _ . The way he said that, though...it was unnerving. As if the mere concept of Toph being defeated in battle could go join that part of my mind that loves to be full of night terrors. Except...she was. She  _ can  _ be. “Her Imperial Majesty  _ was  _ made incapacitated at one point. Some kind of throwable whiskey bottle, I forgot the name. If Her Imperial Majesty’s feet are burned, she’s functionally useless.” only after saying what I said did it hit me,  _ you idiot. Don’t say that. Don’t admit that _ . Except I didn’t know  _ why  _ my mind was telling me I was wrong. Normally it’s logical but this...felt strange. “This proves my point. The Imperial Army needs to be able to succeed on it’s own merits. Not because it has a mountain-tossing earthbender on it’s side.” and he pulled on his beard as if to think on it.

“With all due respect, Master, I serve Her Imperial Majesty. I don’t want...I mean, I won’t let her be incapacited. Ever.”  _ Congratulations, you idiot. You let your emotional attachment for someone overpower common sense. You let your love of someone overpower the objective truth that, well,  _ the Imperial Tutor verbally annihilated me in his counter. “Ah yes, and Her Imperial Majesty can travel everywhere at once, right? Your Majesties lack a sky bison. You are not Kyoshi. And if a mere  _ daofei  _ can reduce one of the greatest earthbenders in history into a blind young woman, what would someone like Fire Lord Ozai, or Azula, or Zuko, accomplish, assuming they could reach her? They don’t even have to be the Fire Lord, just a mere peasant with the ability to firebend which, considering most  _ daofei  _ bands are composed of Royal Army deserters, is a possibility. What is Your Majesty going to do then? Attack the Fire Lord with a  _ jian  _ and a prayer? Loose arrows into someone who can burn them all with ease? An experienced army can do so much more than any one person. The people can, if they knew how to, bring about far more change than any one person save perhaps the Avatar.” I was defeated. I felt exhausted despite being ready for the rest of the day a  _ dian  _ ago. I brought the conversation back around to the analogy that I understood. “So you would suggest I make the Imperial Army my main ‘rock’? My main objective?” Like that, he was back to his reassuring grandfather tone. “Yes, Your Majesty.” There’s something haunting about a man who can just...swap like that. “Where first? I have an entire continent of military forces to deal with” I asked the man who has probably fought, and if not fought then definitely fled from, said military forces.  _ Remember, this man is wanted for the assassination of at least one Earth King and a multitude of Earth Princes, not to mention Fire Lord Sozin -though nobody will miss him- along with countless officials.  _ “If Your Majesty would like to, as they say, kill two duck-geese with one arrow, I would suggest a repeat of the Sunan Riders. Those who live on the frontiers are the hardiest-” and he lightly tapped the table with his fist, “-you’d know, you’re from Kyoshi Island.”  _ But who...who?  _

_ There’s a hundred frontiers. What counts as a frontier? The Earth Islands are a frontier against the Southern Water Tribe and it’s raiding Chiefs, the Eastern Air Temple is untamed, the lands around the Si Wong are a frontier, the Si Wong itself is a frontier, the Northern Air Temple is a frontier, the Xishan Tribes are a frontier, the Xiong Lin lands are so far out in the middle of nowhere that if it wasn’t for the coast, they might never even constitute a province. _

I pulled a map out of my study’s drawer. “What frontier would you suggest?” and while asking, I placed it on the desk itself. It was a large map, albeit small enough that it fits on a one person writing table. It’s one of those regional maps where instead of calling the lands around Gaoling ‘Gaoling’ its’ Nantu. Instead of Chin it’s Zhaoze De. The Earth Islands retain their boring name of being the Earth Islands whereas the Si Wong is cut into four pieces. The immortal assassin examined the map. “I don’t want nonsense, who does Your Majesty trust as an ally?” “Personally? I don’t know that many. Her Imperial Majesty is not exactly the most...friendly...or...diplomatic, to be formal...of people” I stated, somewhat annoyed -not at the Empress, at everyone else- for the reality of my predicament. “And that’s why the people love Her Imperial Majesty. It’s why  _ I  _ like Her Imperial Majesty” he said with a kind of eccentric whimsy that I imagine, based on Kyoshi’s folk tales, Kyoshi herself dealt with.  _ That same whimsy attitude that covers his assassin side _ . “You have Kyoshi Island. But they’re loyal to the Throne because their prestigious son and daughter dwell in it’s Palace. Her Imperial Majesty’s Captain of the Imperial Metalbending Guard is…” and he paused like this was some kind of question. I gave the answer. “Wuhan. Captain Wuhan of the Zheng.” He suddenly yelled “Great!” and pointed at the region of Xishan. 

“Then I’d suggest Your Majesty travel to the lands of Xishan and form a new Banner Army composed of the Tribes.”  _ Wait a miao.  _ I looked at him, seeing only death in his faint green eyes, and no not a beautiful sea foam green like Her Imperial Majesty’s, these are faint from...age. “But...how do you know about the Banner Army concept? I don’t recall telling anyone my planned name for it.” He shrugged. “I know of discourses, you know. General Song also came up with the name for the regional force-turned-professional standing army. It’s not the most creative wild name out there.” and he rolled his eyes. He intensely jammed his finger against the ink, “the Zheng, the Xishan Tribes in general, have a sense of unity that the Imperial Army lacks. At best, you’ve just got an army that, like the Sunan Riders, proves that this ‘concept’ can work, except now with people who aren’t even part of the Empire. At worst, Your Majesty unifies a force of, no offense to the Captain, tribals, who have no reason to march out of their mountain spruce woods and down to Ba Sing Se. At worst, they’re just a buffer against the inevitable Water Tribe invasion.”  _ Wait what? Water Tribe invasion? Water Tribe invasion?  _

His almost omniscient statements about the events of the Nations derailed the conversation. I was too curious. “A Water Tribe invasion? Why? The North was  _ sacked _ . We made Arnook a puppet. We killed most of their waterbenders. What are they going to do, summon spirits?” Except my humorous attempts meant nothing. With a grave tone, “The Moon is on their side, Your Majesty. Shall Your Majesties’ forces attempt another invasion, the Moon  _ will  _ rise to protect them. And you only sacked a  _ city _ . There are thirty tribes up there and they have hundreds more waterbenders.”  _ The Moon...that’s nonsense. The Moon can’t take sides. It’s the Moon.  _ “Why, though? A...about the Moon. That sounds like folktales parents tell their children.” and somehow despite seeing clouds get knocked out of the sky, the Moon turned red, and even a princess riding a dragon, I didn’t get it. 

“Because of a series of so coincidental surely they were the work of Spirits events that transpired the same time Your Majesty was a mere administrative aide in Shirahama. So coincidental I knew, for a fact, that the Avatar had returned and the Spirits had chosen to side with him as they, sadly, often do.”  _ Wait, the Avatar has the Spirits on his side? What kind of unfair game is he playing? That’s just...stupid _ . And the conversation continued it’s derailment. “How coincidental? Azula-flying-north-and-finding-our-fleet coincidental or...I don’t know? What’s the most coincidental thing that’s happened to me? I keep missing events or being forced to physically travel from place to place.” The assassin laughed. “Well this Admiral kept coincidentally ending up wherever the Avatar, the Avatar kept getting into a fight and won each fight within a few  _ fen _ . Somehow, he claims to be a pacifist despite freezing firebenders solid which tended to make them suffocate or die of freezing to death. Of course, when he merged with a giant fish, he destroyed most of a navy and  _ nobody  _ pointed out that all those ships sliced in two were, in fact, full of people. People who would inevitably freeze to death at sea, assuming they weren’t killed by falling ship parts first. But Your Majesty wanted the reason why? I believe that the self-proclaimed ‘Prince’ of the South, not actually a Prince, Sokka, despite breaking all traditional law, fell in love with the Princess of the North. The two might’ve even kissed. I wasn’t watching, my friends might’ve been. Then she became the moon.”  _ Wait what? No...wait, this… this makes sense.  _ “He mentioned dating the Moon… in Minquan.” “He did.”  _ Right. Right. Of course.  _

I went back to asking the relevant questions. “You want me to attack Xishan, is that it?” “No, I would suggest you unify the Xishan Tribes, preferably the Zheng, and form a regional army with them at the core.”  _ But how would I go about doing that? This...needs questioning _ .  _ But first _ ...“And what of the peasant rebellion in Ba Sing Se?” “Such should not concern you. The Dai Li can handle it. Such is their job. Such is what they are trained for.” and he got on his knees and kowtowed to me. In a humble tone, “I am off to attend to Court matters. Have a good day, Your Majesty.” and started for the door.  _ You… but do the Dai Li know about the secret underground tunnels? The amount of people involved or possibly involved?  _ “What of the Xishan?” “We’ll talk more later.” “What about the tunnels?” I didn’t think he knew what I was talking about. But he did. “You can wait with that. The Dai Li  _ will  _ handle it!” and he walked out the door. Instead of following his instructions, I set off for a friend. Someone who I could have a reasonable conversation with and bring up the concerns I had. The Head of the Dai Li. I sent a request -by Dai Li agent- to meet him in regards of handling ‘personal matters’.

Still dressed in my Emperor’s robes, I walked down the halls accompanied by a platoon of Imperial Guard. Suki was asleep, Wuhan was with Toph and to the best of my knowledge, the Avatar and his friend the Fire Lord were far from our Palace. I reached the top of the Thousand Steps and the horns blared and the gongs sounded. The crier announced my arrival, which spurned the populated courtyard -lots of deputy ministers were abound, those who were too low ranked to fit inside the Imperial Court- to form columns and kowtow. The Imperial Guard formed their two lines and an ostrich horse was drawn up for me. I requested a Dai Li agent to go find the Commander and inform him of my desire to meet him. Of course, it took two agents to go run off and accomplish this. The pair returned and informed me that “the Head of the Dai Li would like to meet with Your Majesty out in the Upper Ring at one of the Dai Li bases.” I descended the stairs, taking my sweet sweet time since after being treated like nothing by these Ministers, it was nice to have them -thanks traditions- be forced to kowtow and stay still while I passed. I reached the base of the Steps and mounted my bluish-green armored ostrich horse. The rest of the Imperial Guard mounted theirs. And we set off. Past the South Gates to both Courtyards, into the Upper Ring. The Dai Li agents made a right not far after exiting and our small entourage followed them. We rode along the rim of the Imperial Palace Grounds as the tight urban streets shifted to be spaced out houses with yards, which then shifted to become a wide grand landscape with  _ siheyuans  _ and their respective estate lands dotting the hills. Amazing how all of this is  _ inside  _ a city the size of multiple commanderies, isn’t it? We followed this pair down a paved road, a road that hugged the hills it went along, before reaching a  _ siheyuan _ with its own walls and a nearby forest. The double doors opened, revealing the dramatically standing-there-like-a-statue single conical hat. 

“Your Majesty” the Commander’s distinct, cold, voice announced. Then he bowed. I hopped off my mount while an Imperial Guard took to grabbing her reins. I curiously asked “You wanted me?” “It is the other way around, Your Majesty. I simply offered the meeting point.” My good eye was immediately affixed to the splendour of this...nameless piece of property. Out in the middle of nowhere. “What is this?” I asked, amazed at how...grand it was. It looked like a  _ siheyuan  _ that would fit right in with the nobles of the rural plains. “I liked this place, so it’s mine” he responded with classic Dai Li aversion. He led the way and I, alone, walked inside. Seeing as I was safe, I ordered “Imperial Guards, ride back!” and the Imperial Guards looked at me warily with one, Taishi, asking “Does Your Majesty not need protection?” I shook my head. “No, I have the Dai Li here.” It was true. I felt protected.

I was greeted by a woman in Dai Li robes serving me tea. The Head of the Dai Li gestured to a cushion and I sat down. Him, being him, does not know the meaning of sitting down. This cushion was also perfect for giving me the occasional -when he let it be so- glance at his eyes. 

“Your Majesty had a story to tell?” I nodded. “Lay out the story, completely, for my scribe to record” he instructed me, somewhat interrogatively. Except I was free to sip my tea while his hands sat inside his cuffs and a nearby Dai Li handy with a writing utensil wrote down  _ everything  _ I said. Even my actions. “I had just gotten back from Sunan. I opted to go for a walk instead of going home immediately. I was in the Upper Ring. Southeast of the Imperial Palace. After some wandering, I stumbled upon a tavern. It was a special night for soldiers to share stories. A few drinks later, these four men reveal they’re part of an underground movement. I follow them into their tunnel hideout where one of them, seemingly the rebel leader of this ‘area’, explained that much of the Imperial Army of the Center has been planning some kind of rebellion. It’s affiliated with the Green Headband Movement.” He tipped his hat back and suddenly these two jade eyes  _ stared  _ into my face. He was across the room from me but that... _ stare _ . “What?” he asked, a pinch of exclamation to his otherwise harsh voice. That  _ stare _ . “The...rebels are affiliated with the Green Headband Movement.” He didn’t speak. He just stared into my existence, making me shrivel into my seat. “They...I don’t know, Commander. They’re...widespread. They’ve got plans. They’ve got weapons. I infiltrated them in disguise. I know their leader. I know their codes. I-” but I was interrupted by his  _ loud  _ commanding voice. “You will tell no such thing to  _ anyone _ , do you hear me? Absolutely no one is to know.” “What about my Empress?” I asked, more like a whimper. “Nobody. At all. Is to know. If this information gets into the wrong hands…” he didn’t finish that statement. 

A few  _ fen  _ passed. “Do...you not want me to tell the rest of the story?” He shook his head. “No, Your Majesty. I have everything I need. We will dispatch agents to investigate every single tavern southeast of the Imperial Palace Grounds.”  _ But…  _ “This feels rushed.” He huffed. “Nonsense, Your Majesty. Your Majesty has provided all intelligence that was needed for a start. I ask of Your Majesty to keep this information close to the chest.”  _ But…  _ “What of my Empress?” I countered. “We will inform Her Imperial Majesty after we have taken Your Majesty’s lead and collect all necessary audits. We will present the conclusions and any known rebels to Her Imperial Majesty.” “So you’re not hiding it from her, you’re simply...waiting?” “That is correct, Your Majesty” and he bowed his head.  _ That’s not hiding it then. That’s just…  _ He offered me a cup of tea. “It’s a matter of being tactical. Wouldn’t the military manuals suggest something similar, Your Majesty?” “I...suppose they would. It’s not withholding information. Just...tell Her Imperial Majesty...soon.” “We will, Your Majesty.” I stood up and drank the tea. “So...I guess I go home, now?” “That’s up to Your Majesty’s decision.” I nodded to him, then hand-bowed to the room. “Thank you all, but I’m going home.” 

The evening night was mild enough for a stroll. So I mounted my ostrich horse and began riding into the rural countryside. I took in the rolling hills and groves of forests. I rode on for a full  _ dian _ . Judging by the location of the twilight, I was heading southwest. 

It would’ve been a nice night of riding had an earth spike not thrown me off my mount. I rolled out of it, losing the fancy Emperor’s hat in the process, and stood up. I drew my blade. There was a grove of trees on one side of the roadway and grassland on the other. In a momentary choice of action, I chose to run into the grasslands. Why? Give myself the best possible sight of my attackers. 

Instead, something hit me in the back of the head and knocked me out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet Mori's attackers and get to see a group of people from a perspective he never sees them from.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Panic-Stricken Folks:  
> -Even monarchs can have nightmares.  
> -Toph isn't meant to be portrayed as some apathetic jerk who doesn't care about Mori, she's just tired. Her actions come off as selfish because she can't read Mori's mind. Contrary to what we may think, she has no idea of Mori's (very well justified) anxiety and being anxious, he doesn't outright say everything.  
> -The longpao is the Dragon Robes of the Qing Emperors.  
> -Yes, the first paragraph with the Imperial Court is meant to be jarring. Mori's got priorities and plans and he stumbles into a discussion on Palaces. The chapter's title is reflective of this.   
> -Note, this doesn't mean Court is always bad, just that they're mostly obsessed with far-out-of-touch events like building Palaces.  
> -Lao Ge earned his appointment legitimately. Being near-omniscient and a countless-years-old history book, he can solve nearly any problem presented to him. Usually that involves intrigue, assassinations and sneaking, but those are his staples.  
> -One day, Agent Shen might get to finish his sentence.  
> -Lao Ge can flip between happy and cheerful (or, his 'old drunk'), lazy (or, 'old drunk') and serious (the real him). He chooses which 'one' to use. It's all part of a game. It's all part of deception. He's no less perceptive when he's cracking jokes.  
> -Nobody's going to snitch on Lao Ge. The Dai Li all know him well and know that he'd -probably quite easily- kill any of them should he choose to.  
> -Lao Ge doesn't do things for other people. I don't remember which chapter he says (or will say) it, but "If you want to get yourself killed, go ahead." and "I won't intervene with anyone's actions, I simply sit and give them some of my experience. It's up to them to make the right choice."  
> For all he serves the Line of Kyoshi, he doesn't 'serve' the Line of Kyoshi. He advises them. Or that's what we're led to believe.  
> -"Chameleon Bay -of all places, I know-" is one example of his multitude of references only he understands. 'Of all places' is because that's where he, as part of the Flying Opera Company, met the young Avatar Kyoshi
> 
> IMPORTANT: We do not know Lao Ge's personality. He would never disclose it in dialogue and I will not disclose it. He's meant to maintain an air of mystery.
> 
> -Notice the difference between Mori and Lao Ge's concept of danger. Mori is worried about Toph (and Kyoshi Island, but it's inferred) while Lao Ge is worried about the Empire or stability in general.   
> -The 'Spirits' aren't fourth-wall breaking characters. Lao Ge's just humoring the amount of coincidences and 'just happened to work out' events that transpired during Season 1 and early Season 2.


	44. Very Polite Questioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rogue agents of the Dai Li capture Mori...  
> ...and we learn some of the Dai Li's methods for information extraction.
> 
> ...it's quite polite.

Chapter One Hundred and Ten:

I woke up inside the back of a truck without a seat to rest on. My arms and legs were tied behind my back and I was forced to lie face-on with the cold metal flooring of the truck. Every little bump in the road, every little turn, I felt it. And whereas normally occupants sit in the back of these trucks, this time I didn’t have such company. I’d occasionally go “Ow” from the sharp turns. After a few  _ fen  _ of driving, the truck randomly came to a jarring halt. The back shutter was reopened,  _ yes, the dim moonlight...it’s still light...it’s back _ . Not for long, though. Before I knew it, I was resting on my knees, or trying to, and I finally found who had captured me. An agent of the Dai Li. His conical hat pulled over his eyes. “The Dai Li? You…” I took a long breath and calmly stated “The Commander  _ will  _ have your head for this.” But the agent walloped me in the stomach with his knee, causing me to fall over and gasp for air. In doing so, it allowed him to offer me a muffled rag to get choked on. I imagine this was to keep me silent. “He doesn’t know we’re doing this” and someone else, another agent, grabbed my head and threw me back into the truck. I muffled a yell, but the door was slammed shut. The truck returned to darkness. 

The ride was long. The truck sped down the roads, taking turns with little respect for the man flying around in the back. The driver and passenger didn’t care to open a dialogue with me, in fact from what little I could hear through the wall they barely spoke. Just a “take this left” or “take this right”. I was left with just my imagination to interact with. And on a trip that took what must’ve been...who knows how long...I had a long time to think.

_ You can’t do this to me, I’m the Emperor! I am above your nonsensical rules. I do not answer to the whims of the Dai Li, I answer to Her Imperial Majesty. You can’t just...attack me and throw me into...this! The Commander will have your head! I’ll have your head! Toph will have your entire bloodline’s heads! And...you’re rogue agents? If you did this to me...what about Toph? Is she safe during all this? Why was I arrested or ‘apprehended’ or whatever fancy word they’ll record it as? For mentioning affiliation with rebels? How? The Commander is loyal. Was it one of his underofficers? Someone’s feeling ambitious? How’re they going to hide this from him? And, I get arrested for rebels? Really? I was the one who discovered their existence. Why would I affiliate with them? I’m against such groups! For knowing ‘too much’? What is there to know? That there’s a possible mass rebellion? What do they want with me? What can I provide that they can’t get on their own? Why can’t anyone else know? Is this a conspiracy? What about Toph? What’s she thinking right now? Does she even know what’s happening? What are these people going to say to her tonight? I’ll give them whatever I know and I’ll go home, right? Wherever you are, Your Majesty, I hope for your sake you don’t know what’s happening. I will return home tonight. I will.  _ At some point, the rocky driving knocked me out. 

I found myself in a nice,  _ cozy _ , room with but a single green lantern dangling from the ceiling, barely illuminating the walls and leaving the corners in the dark. And my seating arrangement was just as cozy. Hands? Tied behind the chair. Legs? Also tied behind the chair. Chair? In name only. Judging by the warm feeling of  _ ow _ , someone slapped me in the face.  _ Oh wait, here someone comes, now _ . The dangling light was blocked out by the single figure of a man dressed in the garb of the Dai Li. I made out what I could make out from what the light illuminated. His hair, grey with age, sat in a long queue at his back. His arms were marked by scars of places where fire licked him. His face was masked in shadow as he walked up to me and my predicament and looked down at me. “A shame we had to meet under such conditions, Your Majesty” came the voice that matched the garb of what he was.  _ A Dai Li agent _ .  _ Hardened by experience.  _ This was the voice of some agent, some man who had no name, but had the kind of authority in his voice to have lived long enough to have his hair turn grey. Maybe he was nobody, maybe he was somebody,  _ wait until the Head of the Dai Li hears of this _ . I never got a good look at his face, so it’s not like I’ll remember what he looks like;  _ for when I return with my Empress and my jian _ .

“And now, we meet. One of us, a rebel conspirator, the other, a loyal servant of the Badgermole Throne” he stated, reaching into his sleeves to retrieve a scroll of some kind. “You violated orders at Caldera. Here, I hold the proof.” but as much as I tried to fight my restraints, they would not budge. _If only I could bend_. “The only traitor was the Grand Secretariat. He manipulated… he forced us all to race against entrenched defenders! He sent thousands to their deaths! Why ask me when you can ask him?” to this, this man and his queue just...laughed me off. He laughed my statement off. And from what I know of the Dai Li, they tend to not be the humorous types. He stuffed the scroll back in his sleeves. “But you are the Emperor, are you not? Why listen to someone as far from combat as the Grand Secretariat?” I fought back. “I listen to Her Imperial Majesty, as you should really be doing so, right now. And I shouldn’t be...here. I _am_ the Emperor. And when Her Imperial Majesty had a command issued, I followed it to the _best of my abilities_.” The agent laughed once more. “It seems like the best of your abilities weren’t good enough. And you cannot blame the Grand Secretariat when all those troops were under _your_ command” and he opted to prod my chest with a finger of his rock glove. A fast prod. One that made me try -and fail- to curl up. “The person responsible for their deaths is you, and your tactical incompetence.” _No._ “What? You _really_ think a teenager is going to take command of an entire army? I wasn’t about to tell the man old enough to be my grandfather how to lead his men, and I wasn’t able to tell Fong to _stop_ smashing people with his warhammer.” _I’m a teenager, I’m not...how hard is it to believe that maybe, just maybe, I’ll let people with far more knowledge lead their forces_. _And Fong did charge face first into heavy defenses._ “The person who commanded us all was the Grand Secretariat. And he manipulated us. He told us to charge before the artillery had finished! He had the most inexperienced militia sent in as a vanguard!” Again, the agent who had no name but was...powerful _or_ cunning enough to... _where even am I?_...put me here without fearing what would happen… this man laughed. It didn’t matter that I was telling the truth: _The artillery should’ve bombarded the city for many days further. We should’ve encircled the city and strangled it. Or...just send in a battalion of Dai Li and assassinate everyone of importance. It wasn’t even like we needed to rush. The Comet came and went._ And yet this man laughed. I had a _lot_ to say -and think- while spending a season and some travelling thinking about this. My voice increased to reflect my pent-up anger. “We had tanks! We had artillery! We had the Imperial Siege Cannon! We had aircraft! Powered flight! We had elite forces like the then-Royal Guards! We even had that man and his expert infiltration skills, the wheat-chewer and his squad! The ones that blew some of the north-facing towers! Give him a couple of Dai Li and that archer of his and Bujing could’ve been gone! But no. We had too few tanks. Our artillery had no shells. The Imperial Siege Cannon was...not used. The aircraft never arrived. The Dai Li were playing a game of earth-skating and...well I don’t know what happened to…” _you can remember the name. Remember it. Explosives. Misfit gang._ “...Lieutenant Jet and his men. And yet, I was sent in at the front, _the_ front, the first wave.” This man, again, laughed. He didn’t seem to care about what I said, or my attempts to fight against my ties, or...anything.

“Thank you for telling me that the  _ legendary  _ One-Eyed Badgermole is actually a coward. I’ll be sure to remind Her Imperial Majesty that you are nothing more than a mere  _ peasant  _ who found himself in the right woman’s bedroom and through some simple  _ lying _ , made yourself close with Her Imperial Majesty.” He took a writing instrument from the nearby desk, some ink, and took to writing something down on a piece of parchment.  _ No. You wouldn’t dare _ . “I am no coward! I have defended my Empress at every turn from Gaoling until now! I’d bet I’ve taken more bolts and fireballs for Her Imperial Majesty, personally, than…” but my voice stopped. It just...didn’t want to continue. I felt choked up..  _ I don’t know who you are, but you have two very well working eyes. _ He stopped his writing to look at me, as if the sudden halt in my declaration was a surprise. “So you’re accusing the Grand Secretariat of ordering Her Imperial Majesty’s  _ closest  _ ally to charge a heavily defended position. Why would he do that? What could he gain?”  _ I… ‘what could he gain?’ ‘what could he gain?’  _ “What  _ couldn’t  _ he gain! You said it yourself, I’m Her Imperial Majesty’s closest ally!” and I’m sure that wherever I was, my shout was loud and great enough that anyone in the surrounding neighborhood or district or even Ring could hear me. I struggled against the bindings but instead found them digging into my skin. As a reward for the shouting and the struggling, I got...something. Was he smiling? He gave a single snicker. I didn’t think of  _ why  _ he snickered. I assumed watching the high-and-mighty one-eyed man who is famously seen flying around in a biplane or leading assaults on tundra islands, or in some more entertainment oriented places, has  _ other  _ skills he uses, being helpless against the power of a  _ chair _ was funny. “Closest ally?” the man laughed a raspy laugh. “You mean the person closest to Her Imperial Majesty. We know of what you do behind closed doors, for we don’t use doors. We know of what you do behind walls, for we  _ are  _ the walls. We know of your plots and your games and your attempts to use the one thing a nonbender  _ can  _ be better than a bender at...if he’s trained.” He stopped, since whoever this man was, he liked having fun with me. But I’ve lived through worse, or rather, lived through someone far more efficient who knew how to use her time correctly. 

“What am I _better_ at?” I asked, sarcastic. “Intimacy, of course. You use it to persuade the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits to follow _your_ agenda and your goals.” “I’m glad to see my legendary status as a pillow has spread. Because that’s the only ‘intimacy’ I would know of.” He didn’t listen, or didn’t care, he wasn’t affected by my attempt to one, bring some levity to this situation and two, distract him. Instead, he kept writing. Once done with his scroll, he returned to inquire “Is there anything you’d like to confess? An honest criminal gets fair treatment.” _Ha. Honest criminals. Ha. How very Dai Li of you._ I couldn’t move, but I could give him an unsettlingly wide grin. “If you’re _so_ perceptive, then surely you can tell _me_ what agendas I’m following so I can correct you.” I caught a glimpse of part of his face. Of his chin. Illuminated by the lantern-light. He was happy to smile. Smile and lightly walk over to me and lean in to look me in my one good eye. His leaning didn’t intimidate me. “I’ll give you one for free. I’m an alright back massager, if I do say so myself. That’s my agenda. Become a master back massager. Give really good chi-enhancing massages, which will then improve the Empress’s chi. And massages are relaxing. Maybe not for my hands, and I’m standing the whole-” but my attempt to answer his question was cut off with his sudden, spontaneous, decision to take his boot of stone and kick me in the shins. “Your plots. You used your _skills_ to give yourself regency over the Imperial Court. You’ve avoided punishment by seducing Her Imperial Majesty to your side.” _I don’t… I… don’t….command Her Imperial Majesty… that’s like… the whole thing that unified us long ago in Gaoling. Be a free person with nobody ordering her around and all that._ “That’s not true” was my half-hearted attempt to counter. So stupid to say. Not that it mattered, in retrospect. “You wish to keep Her Imperial Majesty as far from the matters of Court as possible. You desire to make her a puppet. And you’ll use your seduction to keep her a puppet. You’ll use _other_ parts of you, one day, maybe not soon, but _one_ day, to keep her satisfied” _I’m sorry, what?_ “Se...I...I’m not the self-titled Prince Sokka. My critics and my friends agree on one thing: The _only_ thing I could ever seduce...is a _tree_.” This was not the right answer. I took another shin kick, a kick that took the wind out of me. “Confess to it” he quietly uttered. That, followed by “Confess to the truth and spare yourself from this.” Then I took another shin kick to be fair to both my legs. “ _How_ do you plan on me using my ‘other parts-’” I mocked his tone for that, “-to do _anything_? If you were the doors or the walls or the whatevers, you’d know that we do not have such thoughts.” He kicked me in the shins, again. _This is… really bad torture_. I didn’t let the pain that hit like a crossbow bolt stop me. _Oh, I’ll teach you all a thing or two_. “You know, a teenage girl did a better job getting information from me and all she had to do was use one finger and one type of bending. Do you _really_ want to be compared to a teenage girl? You’re...what, fifty? Surely you can try _harder_ to torture me.” This earned me a shin kick. Harder than before. _Fine_. _You want my agenda?_ “You want my agenda?” I yelled. _I will try this again_. _Stall until he fails_. “Everytime I return, I’m instructed to become a cushion. So I tend to become a cushion. I even _plan_ on becoming a cushion while on my way back. It’s a very simple agenda-” but this nameless agent grabbed my chin and _wow, your rock glove is hard_ , opted to squeeze it. “And after you’re a cushion, what _else_ do you do during the day?” Since I didn’t want my chin broken in two, I spoke up. “I attend Court. I schedule meetings with the Council of Five in regards to military matters. I practice the blade and the bow. I go to the Archives. I might even venture from the Palace to meet with government officials. Sometimes, I might even go meet the Avatar and endure his-” but then it hit me. A confession doesn’t always need to be the man saying ‘I confess’. A confession, by its nature, is admitting -voluntarily or not- to another party that you are guilty of the crimes they have placed upon you. 

_ You wanted me to say all that. Because Toph’s orders are almost always that I return and resume being used as a pillow. And I don’t do that.  _ As it turns out, my thought process was onto something. I took a slap to the face.  _ Oh, changing things up? Very good.  _ “You insolent peasant. You defy direct Imperial Mandated orders and get away with it because you happen to be quite good with your hands.”  _ I...you know, I don’t actually need whiskey for that. I’d like a Suki instead. To come in and slice your head off.  _ I had lost, but don’t tell the past me that. “If you were so perceptive, you’d see that Her Imperial Majesty isn’t a brothel-maid and I’m not one, either.” He took to finishing up another scroll, then spoke to a darkened wall. “Drag this peasant somewhere where we can  _ learn  _ something from him.” And like  _ that _ , I was bonked real hard on the head. Not hard enough to kill me, but hard enough to knock me out.

Wake up time, the second. This time, I was sitting in a cell. A cell facing a vacant cell on the other side of the aisle. My hands and legs were freed, but due to the… damage… I suffered, walking brought a whole slew of painful tingling that I’d rather not address. I walked up to the bars and looked out. Across from me, indeed, an empty cell. To my left, a pair of Dai Li agents standing at the end of the hallway. I couldn’t count the feet but it was,  _ what _ , thirty?, or so, to them. The ground going there was unpaved. It was rough and… cracked.  _ Wait _ .  _ This hallway _ .  _ Crack _ . Then I looked to my right. The  _ other  _ end of the hall, thick bars barely hid the woman wearing a red bathrobe. She was meditating. Her cell had a grand bed and was massive. Large enough to…  _ practice _ . With a charred skeleton in one corner.

“Crown Princess Azula!” _ouch, why does my chest hurt from that?_ Normally shouts don’t hurt like that, but that one did. The young woman removed the hairpin from her head, redid her hair, then _jammed_ the pin back in to finish the topknot. She stood up, at first pretending I didn’t exist, yawned, then ‘noticed’ me and my resting-on-the-bars. “Auburn?” between that voice of confusion and her _actual,_ if a flash, hand on cheek, I take it that she was surprised. The next line proved it for me. “ _You’re_ my new friend? I was hoping to get some kind of fancy dancer who I could _play_ with but... _you?_ ” She blinked her eyes a few times. “ _You_? My favorite plaything? Now I’ve seen everything.” Then she covered her eyes. “Does this remind you of anyone?” _No. Though the two of you have a penchant for nicknames, so I’ll give you that. And Toph is quite good with metalbending. Two points_. Since the Dai Li didn’t seem that receptive to words, I opted to speak to the woman who, even when deranged, was a woman of her word. As such, I asked “Why am I here? Last I remember I was...bonked on the head.” “I was asleep when you were dragged in. All I knew was I’d be getting a new friend to replace my old friend. He and I had so much fun! Did you know I can do this-” and I involuntarily jumped backwards. My instincts were for the right reason. She coiled up lightning and launched it at the ground in front of the cell, blinding all of us and blowing out our ears temporarily.“-Because _he_ didn’t know that. He _really_ wanted to do other things.” If I was going to die, I’d at least like to stall first. “Like live another day?” “Something like that. But I was tired and needed to go to sleep.” and she yawned. _So you’re tired again?_ But before I could say anything, she shouted “Oh shut up, Mother!” _I’m sorry...what?_

And she got into a conversation with...a phantom? A spirit? There was nobody else in that room with her, nobody else alive. I don’t think she was speaking to someone who was once a person. Or the ashes next to that person. “Come on, lightning’s a great technique.” she pleaded, halfway between deluded and collected. She pleaded with the  _ wall _ . “No, Mother, there’s nothing wrong with torturing your enemies!”  _ Glad to know we’re still enemies. At least the rule to never take my eye off you remains true. Thanks for teaching me it...long ago.  _ “Maybe if  _ you  _ learned how to plot  _ properly _ , you wouldn’t be dead.”  _ I thought the former Fire Lady was… banished?  _ “No, do  _ not  _ tell Zuzu!”  _ But you’re in a cell. At the bottom of a prison. Beneath a lake. In the middle of the Agrarian Zone. An entire continent away from the Fire Nation _ .  _ And… I’m in a cell. At the bottom of a prison. Beneath a lake. A short distance from Ba Sing Se.  _ “No! I will not give someone who sides with the  _ Avatar _ any respect. The Avatar is weak and I killed him!”  _ At least a case can be made for that being somewhat sensible? Other world leaders are other world leaders. And you killed him? Oh, right, you did. And Katara’s magic water saved him _ . “In my opinion, and I’m right, I’d make a far better Fire Lord.” She looked like she was going to break the wall in half with her hands, and she couldn’t bend earth. But she’d probably achieve it anyways, because Azula is perfection and perfection is Azula. Other benders have limitations. They might only be  _ so  _ good. Or they might be blind and one  _ good  _ shot to their feet is their weakness. But this  _ is  _ Azula. Azula practiced her firebending and practiced and practiced and had the best tutelage and Azula is nearly undefeatable. And Azula is ranting at a wall. “I am  _ not  _ a monster. I will do what it takes to win. Zuzu is a loser. He needed to be carried to a victory he did not deserve.”  _ Well, that’s not a lie. Zuko didn’t win his country. I doubt he’ll hold it, considering for all intents and purposes we put him on as a puppet _ . “No! He cheated! Uncle cheated! Uncle finally lost some weight and put the tea cup down, stole my dragon,  _ my  _ dragon, and helped Zuzu! You know I’m right!”  _ I...did he steal your dragon? Wasn’t Druk his then yours then his and now Zuko’s?  _ “Uncle is deceptive! He sided with a bunch of dishonorable men. He sided with  _ traitors _ and savages! The White Lotus… if Uncle was wise he would’ve helped us take down Ba Sing Se from the inside!”  _ Hmm. I suppose you’re not wrong, Azula. Having a secret shadow army has its benefits. It’s like the Dai Li but… unrecognizable. They blend in anywhere and everywhere _ . “My whole staff was just them! The traitors didn’t even die properly, they fled!” The deluded woman who may or may not be onto something was interrupted by the same voice from earlier. 

“You’re not here to learn about who’d be a better Fire Lord. You’re here to learn everything about traitorous rebel groups within the walls of Ba Sing Se” and this agent launched a rock glove at her. And she dodged it like she saw it coming,  _ maybe don’t yell at the Princess first, you genius _ , and with a single finger, launched a lightning bolt at his feet. And, speaking from experience, I could feel  _ some  _ pity for that. Until I remembered that that voice was kicking my legs earlier. So when he fell over and screamed out in pain, I had little remorse over it. I couldn’t see his face while he writhed in pain, an earth wall was raised in his defense. After scoring a mortal wound, Azula was back to being Azula. “I’m not here to learn about ‘rebel groups’. I don’t care about some stupid rebellion, you moronic up-jumped peasant. And  _ I’m  _ the Fire Lord, trying to strike me is  _ quite  _ executable. But...because I felt bad for your incompetence, you get to live.” Some agents arrived to drag the wailing man away, the earth wall crashed down, and the bathrobe wearing woman took to staring at me. “Ouch for him, right Auburn?” and she went back to sit on her bed like this was a casual situation. “I would guess so.” But our fun, well, levity, was interrupted by a  _ different  _ stone-like voice yelling “Extract the information, that is the order!” She examined her nails. “I’d like a nail trimmer, you ‘failures for servants!’” I wondered whether to back up or not, then concluded that  _ if she wants to roast us all alive, she will _ . “Will you complete the objective?” the same stone-like voice asked. “If you stop cowering and  _ get  _ me the nail trimmer, I will.” Then someone said something too quiet to be heard and an agent emerged holding a nail trimmer.  _ Do...do you all just have a stockpile of that here? Actually… of course you would. It’s a contingency in case, I guess, the last one gets broken or immolated.  _ Once the agent handed it -by means of rock glove- to her, she took it and began working on her nails. When the agent returned to his shadowy place, she flicked it behind her and onto the bed.  _ I… don’t think you did anything _ . “Now, extract the-” He and his intimidating stone voice were cut off by Azula’s. “Oh shut up already. You sound like a really, really depressed orphan whose family was set aflame during the First Siege over in one town in the Agrarian Zone and only joined the Dai Li because anyone you ever knew was dead and you couldn’t even bury them because they were ashes stomped by the might of the Fire Nation’s latest technology. Or am I confusing the wrong agent again?” Someone, somewhere, began crying. “Oh, well. I’m not ‘extracting’ information. I’m not a spy like you cowards.” “I could arrange to have you killed” a  _ different  _ voice added in from behind a safety wall. Azula rolled her eyes. “Just so you up-jumped cowards know, I’m rolling my eyes. And, by all means, try it. Who would I teach the art of plotting to? Who would I be a non biased mentor for?” The second voice asked “So you admit that he is your pupil?” She yawned. “Yes. If you stick two people in a house together, the one that’s under house arrest tends to learn something. That’s…” she paused, “...how learning works, you incompetent fool who only got your rank because you were extra-violent towards your peers.” Some infuriated voice yelled “Agents! Take this man somewhere where we can learn something! Thank you, Princess, for helping us learn something new.” Azula uncrossed her legs. “You could also keep him here. I mean, sure, I could try filling him with lightning bolts, but I did that before and as an eccentric friend of mine who’s probably now a lady of the evening would say, ‘You never want to try something twice. It hurts your aura.’” “Agents! Retrieve him!” the voice yelled. 

A pair of agents came around the corner. “Auburn! Get back!” I didn’t think, I jumped backwards and watched a lightning bolt go  _ right through  _ the thick robes of one of the Dai Li agents. A single finger of fire hit the second. The two screamed for some time, only for the former Fire Lord to roast them alive with multiple large fireballs. Their peers jumped in to pull them out, the zapped one was dead, the other one was kicking and screaming. “He is  _ my  _ plaything for  _ my  _ pleasure, not yours, you up-jumped cowards!” Someone tried to launch a metal chain at her, she struck the chain with lightning and electrocuted the misfortune wielder. I won’t lie, I was quite surprised that this was happening. “Why are you defending me, Azula?” “They’re liars, that’s why. If-” and a fire blast flew past, “-they-” another blast “-wanted to grab you, they  _ could  _ at least have the courtesy to be nice to you. Like I am.” And another volley of blasts flew past.  _ I’m…  _ “Thanks, Azula.”  _ That is not a line I’ve ever imagined saying _ . “You, orphan boys, I  _ could’ve  _ extracted information from him...but I guess you’re so insecure you-” but whatever she said was cut off. Not by her, but someone broke the wall of my cell down and bonked me on the head.

Wake up time, the third. This time I was inside a room with my head, hands, arms and legs bound to a chair. And ahead of me, some kind of rail with a lantern on its track.  _ Oh, it’s the brainwashing room. That’s.. I know what this is.  _ But the lantern wasn’t doing it’s run around the track. It was just… sitting to my left and the figure in the center’s right. “So you didn’t fold to Azula?” The third voice,  _ the first is the man who can call himself the second person to survive lightning to the legs and not being immolated afterwards, good on him,  _ spoke up from across from me and my bound predicament. His entire face was hidden by his shadow conical hat. His voice was oddly familiar, but that could also be all the kicking getting to me. “Come on, didn’t you know Azula likes me far too much to just do the old zap zap? We go  _ way  _ back! We’re practically drinking buddies!” but this stone-like man didn’t get the joke. He sat there, probably quite  _ bored _ . Not to the point of a sigh, but not enough to even recognize my attempt to be as bright as this room wasn’t.  _ Okay, the lantern doesn’t count _ . “I see the machine, I know enough to know that this is brainwashing. Why don’t you brainwash me?” Of course, my recalling of this memory means that he didn’t. “My superiors would have my head for it.” “Your superiors? How did you even manage to get in here? Is this place not secure?” but instead of speaking to me, he kicked me in the right leg. I noticed the agent sitting in the corner, pretending to be a shadow, writing something at a desk.  _ Oh, right, right, of course, you’re all scribes in addition to being singers, dancers and assassins.  _

He and his harsh, oddly familiar voice asked “Were you or were you not affiliated with the so-called Green Headband Movement?” “I’m not.” I replied, honestly. I’m not affiliated. I saw a bunch of them gathering but that doesn’t make me part of them. Well, this man clearly went to the Dai Li school of extracting information because _guess what_ , _it’s back to the shin kicking._ _Ow._ While I still had some sense in me, leg-sense, that is, “Can I give some torture advice?” He laughed. _That’s not good_. “What possible advice do _you_ have?” _Ha. For once, I have played you_. Now, to use something Azula taught me. “If you make someone so delirious and light-headed that they can’t recall basic facts, then the rebel cells you desire hunting down will just be those that exist in one’s own delusions.” He...thought about that. I heard him go ‘hmm’ and put his hand on his chin, contemplating such a truth. “You’re right.” _Knew it. You can’t expect to gain real intelligence from senseless beating_. This only inspired his shin-kicking since I guess it’s never _not_ time for shin-kicking. “How do you know this?” _If I could roll my good eye, I would._ “I lived through this before. And the last person I lived this through really didn’t care about made up confessions. She wasn’t going to execute you for making up things, she was going to execute you for telling the truth. I mean… she’d also kill you for making up things… but she wanted the truth. She needed to find who was committing what illegal actions, how far the corruption spread, and all knowledge about anti-monarchist rebel groups. Oh, and she had a hundred different means to get you to talk. Granted, life expectancy was low. It was hard _not_ to get killed by her, but my point, unlike my legs, stand.” Credit to this person who is _so_ getting his head removed, he let me say all that. 

“If this woman was so effective, why do you live?” and he didn’t kick me. “I simply followed the laws. I was told to report, I reported. My peers crumbled to the power of brothels, or to the power of fire, or to the power of lightning. And I lived. _Now, does that answer your question?”_ “So which option did you choose? Forsake your honor for the brothel? Burn to the fire? Scar to lightning?” “Look at my feet and find out. And I didn’t _fold_. _Does that answer your question?_ ” “You showcased stress at the end of that statement. Stress implies more? A tragic backstory, perhaps?” _I mean, no?_ I sighed. “Do you read your folktales or something? Normally the _hero_ is the one locked up and with the tragic story. Go bother Lord Egg and ask him or something. He’s the hero. The Avatar’s always the hero. Do I look like a hero to you?” He didn’t appreciate my honesty. “I’d rather not. Besides, you’re the one sitting here and you’re not leaving, so you might as well tell us something we don’t know.” _I mean, if I’m not leaving, then what’s the point of saying anything?_ That thought aside, _sure, why not?_ “I did my job, I reported corruption, then someone competent found that and passed it on to a deranged Princess who, in her own sense of right and wrong, punished the corrupt and spared the innocent. It happened to be that most of that city _was_ corrupt and I was also the writer of that letter, and as you probably know, being a deceptive illegitimate person that you are, it’s always a good idea to leave out your own fallacies in your autobiography.” “Clever, why didn’t she punish you for that err?” “Check the feet. Since I was named after a tree, I got to be reminded of it. I have roots of a _different_ kind in my feet. That, and well, Azula ran out of people to test the technique on.” “How come you aren’t suffering from such a tragedy?” _Wow, your sarcasm is… quite good. Almost had me there for a miao_. “I learned a bunch of lessons. Namely-” and I changed my tone to be much louder, “-You’re all terrible at torturing!” _Ow. Did I deserve that shin kick? Ow again,_ “Really? Two kicks?” _Ow. Three_. “You could learn a few lessons from this one woman I know, she’s a few stories down…” _Ow. Four_. The man took a deep breath. “I already did back when she attacked the Palace. My friends learned, too. Learned more than I.” _Oh, I see. I mean I don’t, but I imagine you’re probably one of those people with a lightning scar or your chest is burned to the point of scarring or something like that_. _Well you and I can share stories then. Wait, we just did._

Back to the less-interesting parts of torture, “How many people know of this group’s existence?” this man’s cold voice asked me from beneath his dark hat. _I won’t drag my cousin into this_. “Just myself.” I tried to sound convincing, but this is like lying to Toph. I only thought of that _after_ he kicked my legs. One blood-curdling yell later, he repeated the question. “How many non-rebels know of this group?” _I will do as I did before._ “Just myself.” I did wish for something to bite down on, not that it would come, because I saw that rock glove, and I felt the air being knocked out of me before it hit. Then it _lightly_ hit. _Sparing me? You really do need to learn from Azula._ “How many others were you with when you visited that tunnel? We spotted your cousin that night.” _So you’re all ever perceptive, or maybe you are. I’m surprised Master Ge didn’t think of this, since he is Tieguai afterall._ “I went into the tunnel alone, she did not participate.” One hit later, I had to think. Quick. “She told me to go home because-” _better to sacrifice your identity than ruin your friends, I suppose. Azula would be so furious at my heel-turn. Loyally declaring my friends traitors in Shirahama, defending my cousin here. I guess family comes first?_ “-I was inebriated. So I ordered her to stay in the tavern. A bodyguard cannot go against her charge’s orders.” He refrained from another strike, instead keeping his hand closed in a rocky fist, hanging just... _right there_...in front of my waist. “One release and you’re a eunuch.” _By all means. Go ahead. I won’t confess._ I dared him. “Go, do it. If you’ve got what it takes. But...I give you this warning. I asked Azula this very question once and she explained that removing one’s ability to reproduce means they have nothing to lose. If you do it, I’ve nothing to lose. I could lie and lie and lie and die and you’d learn _nothing_.” He was taken aback. “You’re right. Your previous torturer knew a thing or two.” “She’s a bit of a prodigy. In case you didn’t derive that.” and, in another first, _today’s producing a lot of those_ , I grinned in the name of -and defense of- _Azula_.

To prevent him from going into a full-blown rage thanks to my stupidity, “I can tell you about the organization.” Because this man can’t read my mind and can’t read my knowledge of who or what I know, and I am pretty certain they  _ weren’t  _ in the tunnels, because if they were they would’ve done something about this, my statement appeared to be something he yearned for. “What do you know?” But because this is the Dai Li, he had to do  _ something  _ with the rock fist, so he went for hitting my leg instead.  _ I...you’re really into legs. I mean, sure, but come on. Go for more malleable parts. Again, learn a thing or two from Azula perhaps? Would bashing a finger really kill you? She broke my friend’s fingers. And mine. Multiple times. I tell you, it would work. Fingers can heal. As can toes. Really. Trust me.  _

Since I didn’t know these rebels from...well I _did_ know them from a hole in the ground...I could confess the truth. “They want to assassinate Kuei. They think he’s alive, or they claim to know he’s alive, and he’s returning and… they think the Ministers are going to plot to overthrow the Empress and install Kuei as a puppet because that’d bring back their power or something like that. And… and they think there’s some Empire-wide conspiracy of Magistrates who want to get rid of the Empress. And… also they are mostly comprised of the Army.” and my voice gave out. Getting kicked and assaulted a bunch of times can do that to someone. _Did he listen to my terribly worded sentences?_ This… nameless agent with a familiar-ish cold voice, albeit raspier than most cold voices, “The Army? What’s it’s involvement?” I coughed to catch my breath and must’ve taken too long because _smash!,_ a rock fist hit my chest. “I...can’t confess if you’re…killing me” I shouted. He went back to stuffing his hands in his robes, realizing I was right. So I hyperventilated while also thinking that any breath I take, or if I take too long, might result in another punishment. “The Army…” _wait, you have information...use what you know._ “They’ve got tanks!” I yelled. He backed up. Actually backed up. And he put his hand to his forehead “What?!?” _My thoughts precisely_. “They’ve got tanks. And most of the Imperial Army of the Center is involved in this. They’re going to launch a mass uprising.” _I… yes, they are. I’m right. I’m saying the right thing. And like last time, these are traitors. So… well done me. History can’t look down on me for repeating._ “How do you know?” he completely broke his stone cold character and asked, sounding like a...person. “I’m here, after all, and I’m here for the crimes you or your previous incumbent of ‘beat up the Emperor’ accused me of.” I replied in the form of a joke since it’s as comical as it is terrifying. He regained his composure, bringing his hands back to their normal hidden position, and his voice back to it’s normal stone-yness. “How many are there?” “I don’t know. I only saw one tunnel. They say there are hundreds. And each one has Imperial Army soldiers garrisoned-” I was cut off with a rock glove muffling me. “Is the Council of Five involved?” he asked. _What?!? Why would they be? Aren’t they more competent than all this?_ The rock glove was removed. “No! They don’t even know what’s happening!” I yelled. But my voice of reason wasn’t reasonable enough. “Perhaps I should have them arrested for conspiring against the Badgermole Throne.” _What? They… what? You can’t just arrest the top military officials. That’s a Dai Li backed coup and that would..._ “That would cause the uprising to begin.” “Ah! So you _do_ know more!” he exclaimed, holding a hand up. _No, this is just common sense_. 

“I don’t know more, I know that they’re one bit of civil unrest away from a rebellion. And usually, if a military force overthrows the populist ruler, the people would rise up in defense of their ruler. And there’s nobody the people love more than Toph. If they  _ think  _ their Empress is threatened, at best, they’ll stop sending you food, at worst, they’ll march here. And a hundred agents may be skilled, ten million rioters cannot be stopped. I learned that at Caldera. Human waves work.” I sounded like I was on  _ their  _ side. Was I? No. But also yes in an idealistic sense of defending the Empress. But I’m not for killing Zuko, at least not today.  _ At some point, if needed, sure _ . Whatever the case may be, whether he listened to me or not, whether he took my tangent to heart or not, he decided he had had enough.

“For conspiracy and associating with rebel groups, I should have you executed. However, I… don’t think that’s as beneficial. I’m willing to discuss something fairer for someone who has given us such useful information and  _ will  _ provide more.”  _ Fairer?  _ “Like what? Not killing me?” I responded, confused and not taking him seriously. “No, no. I have no authority to make you a eunuch,  _ yet _ , but something like, oh, being stripped of all civil ranks.”  _ What civil ranks? I’m the Emperor, not some Magistrate. What ranks can I be stripped of?  _ “Do you have the authority to do that? Really?” I inquired, a voice of concern brewing in my throat but overshadowed my tone of skepticism. “Avatar Kyoshi included… contingencies.. .to deal with any who oppose the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Se. Including any disobedient Consorts or rogue party going Princes.  _ Because  _ of a rogue party going Prince. And affiliating with a rebel group counts as going against the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Se.”  _ Wait what? So you...how can you circumvent Imperial… how do you circumvent Toph’s rulings _ ? “How can you possibly go around Her Imperial Majesty’s ruling?” I asked. And the following statement. The following statement. That summarizes  _ all  _ of this. Whether this man had the authority to do any of this, I don’t know. He sounded like he did, but he couldn’t have. 

“We have the authority, as per our creation, to do what we must in order to maintain peace. As the Empire is but the successor to Kyoshi’s Earth Kingdom, it maintains the same laws. And those laws allowed for the Dai Li to go above, around and below what used to be considered Royal Law. For you do  _ not  _ have absolute power over Ba Sing Se. You simply have honorary titles that we’ve all recognized because up until now, you followed the goals of the Dai Li. Break our ethics, conspire with traitors, and you forfeit any rights within Ba Sing Se. As you are  _ not  _ part of the Dai Li, you are simply a Consort that was selected by Her Imperial Majesty, you only ever had the rights a Consort had. You do not have the authority to act without her intention in mind. For the past season, in fact, the past year, you have acted  _ presuming  _ to have Her Imperial Majesty’s approval. When Her Imperial Majesty orders you to go to Court then return to her chambers, doing  _ anything  _ else breaks Imperial Law. We are loyal to the Badgermole Throne. The physical object. Her Imperial Majesty follows the Dai Li’s wishes at times, and as such we support Her Imperial Majesty’s Mandate. You? You’re just a peasant who might, one day, fulfill the objective of producing an heir for the Empire. When that day arrives, you will have completed your objective and will be recommended for summary execution. And should Her Imperial Majesty desire a strong earthbender for an heir, then there are a million candidates we can supply. Likewise, shall Her Imperial Majesty go  _ against  _ the preservation of Ba Sing Se, as per Kyoshi’s orders, we have the approval to find someone who will.” That was too much to...consume at once. I’d say I was glad he explained his ethics or rules or whatever morality he claims to have, but this was...a lot to learn of at the same time. Still is. 

_So the Dai Li are loyal to Toph but only because she follows their goals? Do we get to know of said goals? No of course not because the Dai Li are secretive. Apparently I’m...breaking Imperial Law when I don’t immediately go back to bed? That makes sense_. “Why wasn’t I warned of this beforehand?” I asked him while he sipped some water from a flask. _Even the Dai Li need to drink_. Credit where it’s due, he explained himself. “Because the Hundred Year War took precedence. The situation of His Royal Majesty’s reign took precedence. The Avatar’s arrival took precedence. The War is over. His Royal Majesty is back in Caldera and under our control. The Avatar is off being an idealist fool and under our watch. Nothing threatens Ba Sing Se. As such, we can now pursue criminals.” _So...I’m a criminal? Was I always one? Was this day always going to come? Is that why they pounced on me the first time I was alone and riding?_

“So...what you’re trying to say is you’ve stripped me of all my ranks within Ba Sing Se’s walls. Or that...I never had them to begin with?” He gave a single nod. _One or the other. From what he said, probably the latter_. “When you return to Her Imperial Majesty, you will be an Imperial Commander. As that is the highest military rank you were named. And you will retain your title as Emperor. You have no authority over the Imperial Court and cannot order Ministers around.” _Well I couldn’t order them around beforehand_. _They don’t exactly take me seriously anyways_. “So I’m an honorary figurehead? I’m… your puppet?” I said as the...dreaded realization hit me. “I prefer the term ‘honorary monarch’. We have no authority to strip you of your military ranks. We _do_ have authority to cut under or around any of your actions.” Because I’m the One-Eyed Badgermole, and the One-Eyed Badgermole is a crazy madman, I metaphorically spat at this man, “And what if I tell Her Imperial Majesty?” But he voiced no shock or terror, no awe or regret. Casually, as casual as a stone-voice can reply, “We are not required to follow Her Imperial Majesty’s ruling should it go against the safety of Ba Sing Se.” _And I’m just that much of a threat to the safety of Ba Sing Se. Wait_ , “ _Why_ can’t you strip me of military ranks?” “You can serve the Badgermole Throne well… as a commander.” “Then what stops me from attempting to coup you?” “A hundred thousand Dai Li agents would.” “But you don’t command the Dai Li.” He slapped me. “These rules apply regardless.” I changed the subject.“And will the rebels be handled?” “That is not within your ruling to know. And yes, in due time we will handle the situation. Once we… have the correct amount of information.” and he _bang_ , knocked my restraints off, grabbed me by an arm, and tossed me into the wall. 

I managed to  _ attempt  _ to get to my feet. This was...insane. Too much to learn all at once. So the Dai Li serve Her Imperial Majesty...somewhat.  _ Wait. Wait. But if they find someone who would act as a puppet, they could install them. That.. .so Kuei. Maybe that’s the information I wasn’t supposed to know. Except… the Commander told me about Kuei. What in the name of Kyoshi is real and what in the name of Kyoshi is fake? Are you even real? What authority do you have to even grab the Emperor let alone… do this? Or is this just a case of you and your rogue agents being deluded?  _ I was grabbed by a pair of rock gloves and suspended in the air. “When are these rebels going to strike?” he asked, one swipe away from tossing me into the ceiling. “I do not know,” I said, quite concerned about the nearly inevitable ceiling smash. He tossed me into a wall instead. “What do the rebels think of the Dai Li?” His rock gloves bit into my wrists.  _ I guess I can still speak if you break my hands.  _ “I don’t know. I could…”  _ ow _ , “ask. They hate the Ministers and the Imperial Court.” He tossed me into the wall instead. I was dazed and tried to keep to my ethics and more importantly, my senses. “When are they meeting again?” “I don’t… know!” I tried shouting. But this shadowy figure didn’t care. He slammed me into a wall, again, but this time, I was knocked out. 

I woke up. Everything about this felt off.  _ Why am I not...where I’m supposed to be? Am I on a journey? _ What I didn’t expect to wake up in was a house. A house with birds chirping outside. A house with curtained windows drawn open. A bed that was as hard as a stone with a blanket that was as soft as… fur? Grass? And it was a green blanket, too. And I was lying there, completely confused, while this person I had yet to learn the name of was… closely looking at my shins. I supposed I breathed too heavily or something because that made her look my way and “Your Majesty! You haven’t died yet! Wonderful.”  _ What, are you from the Dai Li Academy of Humor?  _ And she went and retrieved a bowl containing some kind of liquid,  _ I’m going to have to drink that, right? _ “Drink this, it’ll calm down the pain” she offered the bowl to me. “But I’m not in pain.” I retorted. She momentarily looked surprised, then, “oh, your One-Eyed Badgermole instincts haven’t tired out yet, I guess.” and she retrieved some kind of balm to then apply to my legs.  _ Now, I’m all for randomly appearing in some stranger’s house. Really, I love that. But let’s do introductions.  _ “Lady, can we trade introductions?” I asked, clearly deluded off my mind. 

“Oh!” and she brought her hand up to her mouth in a gasp, “My apologies, Your Majesty. I’m Yin!” I couldn’t tell whether to be scared of her voice or happy she’s so happy. “That’s amazing!” I replied, pulling Toph’s sarcasm in for a change. “I don’t know who that is!” I seriously said, sarcastically. “Oh...forgive me. I’m Xuan’s wife.”  _ That’s great. Thanks. I didn’t know… hold on  _ “Xuan, like, Head of the Dai Li, terrifying shadow assassin who knows when to be polite, veteran of a dozen battles, Xuan?” And she nodded. Just a nod. “You’re crazy” was my first declaration. “How did I get out of...wherever I was?” was my second. She giggled. “Why am I here?” was my third.“My husband found you with your assailants gone. And because it’s not a good idea for all of Ba Sing Se to hear about the actions of the few, he brought you here. Thank him, not I. I simply know my balms and my potions, as he knows quite well” and she winked.  _ Why are you winking? Should I be scared of this?  _ “Forgive  _ me _ , but that wink was unnerving. I’m not used to waking up inside stranger’s houses with women with ten, or twenty, year’s difference winking at me.” I reasonably explained.  _ Or, I thought that was being reasonable _ . “I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I was just...attempting to lighten the mood” and then she pulled out a blade.  _ Wait what _ . “Is that part of the humor?” I asked, now quite certain I  _ should  _ be scared. She looked at me, then realized the possible predicament it could entail, went wide-eyed, and went “No, no, Your Majesty. I’m just cutting this bandage” and with a single swipe she turned a piece of cloth into two pieces of cloth. “How...how are we not dead? Dai Li agents… they’re good at stealth.” I asked of her while she applied the bandage with the paste to my legs. “I’ll punch  _ any  _ Dai Li agent that  _ dares  _ enter my bedroom, no matter what their rank is or who they are. I act before asking, since that’s the only way to be sure.”  _ Wait what?  _ “Isn’t that… all kinds of treason to say that” I said, very, very, confused. “No, Your Majesty” and she put the knife down. “Allow me to demonstrate” and she walked away from my bed and over to the window, opened the window, and shouted “If any of you Dai Li  _ dare  _ to walk into my bedroom, you’ll get it with both fists. You hear me?” She… shouted that into the street.  _ This woman’s insane _ . “You’re insane”, a statement that is not often a good idea to say to someone if they are, in fact, insane. “No, I married a Dai Li agent. You have to be as tough-” and she casually back-handed the wall, “-as the Dai Li to marry into the Dai Li.”  _ You’re not tough. You’re insane _ . The way she said that reminded me of another delicate little flower -not nearly as delicate, and preferring wrestler garb to Upper Ring dresses- with a big punch, and as such I inadvertently let my inner thoughts out. “You remind me of my Empress.” and she blushed. She blushed. This woman I don’t know,  _ that’s a lie, her name is Yin, refer to her as such! _ , blushed. “That’s...one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard, actually.” she said, her voice almost cracking up from all the...I don’t know. Then she brought her hands up to pray towards me, which was weird until I turned my head around and  _ ahh! A portrait of Toph! Hello there Toph! You’re looking… courtly! Actually you’re not ‘looking’ anything, it’s a portrait _ . A portrait hanging above the bed proper. One of her sitting on the Throne in official clothing. She prayed to the painting and apologized for the...people I didn’t know and their treatment of me. Which was nice of her. But before I could hear the end of it, a small child ran in. 

The small child walked up to me, or to be specific, a nightstand next to my head. Thereupon he plucked a small metal ball and held it in his hand.  _ Wait, that's no small metal ball. _ “Child. Small child. Put that down! That’s my fake eye!” and said referred child looked at me, grinned, and ran out the door.  _ What even… _ “My Lady, please fetch that child. He’s… why is he holding my… why is my eye not in my eye?” The woman stopped praying, looked at me and my politely confused and bordering on frustrated expression, then locked in like an expert archer on the nightstand, loudly said “Xiu! Get back in here immediately!” and pointed with great intent at the doorway. Only then did I notice that this room proper was decorated in paintings and tapestries. While the child returned, proudly  _ not  _ holding the fake eye, I embraced the aroma of whatever kind of flowery incense this not-young woman was burning. “Why are you burning incense? And if you’re married? Why is this a one-bed bedroom?” I asked a slew of questions while she was freaking out because “Where’s the metal ball?” But after hearing my last question, she turned around and proved that her ears were as good as the Head of the Dai Li’s. “Because as per Kyoshi’s ethics, my husband and I each get a private bedroom.”  _ Oh. It’s… right.  _ That would explain that small statue of Kyoshi in the opposite corner.  _ Small? It’s the size of a small child. _ Like the child currently going “I didn’t lose his fake eye” while his mother freaked out and said “remember your titles!”  _ I don’t even know what’s going on. Is this the Jade Palace?  _ I pinched my arm.  _ Nope.  _

Surprise, the small child pulled a metal eye out of his pocket and displayed it between two fingers. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty!” he said so adorably and innocently I almost forget the absolute ridiculousness that has been my day so far. This insane Yin lady swiped the eye from his hand and humbly kowtowed, presenting it to me. “Am I supposed to get out of bed?” I asked her while she kowtowed. Since my legs were, well, covered in cream-like cream. “Oh...right.” and she stood up and handed it to me. “I...don’t know how to insert this into my eye. I don’t often go digging into my eye-space for reasons.” I admitted, confused and maybe even dazed. And more confused. “I removed it to examine Your Majesty without possibly causing damage-” I nodded along in appreciation. “Thank you, thank you, I don’t like being examined by random women I don’t know in bedrooms I’ve never been to with small childs’ milling about.” _ I didn’t mean to say it like that but I said it like that.  _ But she wasn’t in shock or scared, she humbly bowed and declared “I was unfamiliar with this, Your Majesty.”  _ Unfamiliar with something? Aren’t you all Dai Li. Or… are you not Dai Li. I have no idea _ .  _ What’s there to be unfamiliar with _ .

“Xiu! Apologize to His Imperial Majesty, the Emperor, the-” I’m not listing off all my titles. Nope. There’s a bunch and this woman memorized each one and read them off from her mind with the same kind of efficiency I read off Toph’s titles when presenting her -like she needs to be presented- to a foriegn leader. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I won’t do it again!” he said earnestly, and then got into an adorable little kowtow and bopped his head on the floor, too.  _ You’re forgiven, small child _ . Completely genuinely, I forgave him, citing “We all make mistakes from time to time.” I’m not some wise old person but if I don’t attempt to sound wise in front of my followers -okay actually Toph’s followers- then I’ll look like an idiot. And looking like an idiot is bad. Which is why the next thing I said was, also genuine, also with passion “I’d like to go home, I’m a pillow and I need to fluff myself up for my pillow-y duties!” This earned the wide-eyed admiration of this small child. “You’re a pillow? Are you a soft pillow?”  _ No… the pillow is metaphorical. I’m a human being _ .  _ It’s a metaphor for taking a shower. Because I like taking showers, small child.  _ “Titles!” his mother quietly, calmly, exclaimed. Her calmness unsettled me and made him repeat the question with my titles included. It might’ve taken half a  _ dian  _ but he did it anyway. By the time she did, I forgot the original metaphorical meaning. “I’m not a soft pillow. The pillow is a metaphor to represent the personal duties I fulfill as Consort of Her Imperial Majesty, of which the terminology should really be changed to be something more specific like ‘Imperial Headrest’ but alas that’s the nature of the Imperial Titling System.” I don’t know why this child understood what I just said, since to me I was just mumbling a word salad because I took at least one head injury from the slam-a-thon earlier. But this child was able to comprehend what I said, inquiring “If Your Majesty is the Imperial Consort, does that title not suffice?”  _ Suffice? What… But… You’re a child.  _ Again, inner thoughts poured out into my outer thoughts. “Why is your child so smart?” I asked the mother, who was attending to my leg. A  _ different  _ voice called out from beyond the doorway, “Because Xiu has been to Lake Laogai one too many times.”  _ Wait, that voice… I know that voice… _ . I immediately thrusted myself to the side, combining head with wall and side with wall, trying to flee back-first into the next province. “Is that strange agent here to kill me or something?” I asked, concerned. “No, no, Xuan’s not allowed in my room,” the Lady Yin said while trying to grab my leg from me. “Is… this true?” I asked her while intending to ask him. “It is” he replied, calm but not of stone. “So your wife could commit crimes in here and you aren’t allowed in?” I shout-asked, because I’m a genius and this is the first thing I jump to with a question. “Correct. I am forbidden from entering her bedroom unless she permits me.” and the Lady Yin quietly shouted “Kyoshi Ethics! Woo!”  _ You’re all insane _ . Speaking of, I suppose Xuan and all the Dai Li just share similar voices.  _ It wouldn’t be the only thing they all have in common, now would it?  _ I was happy that I was pardoned for freaking out,  _ well never accused, but still _ . 

The small child ran back inside holding a Dai Li conical hat. “Please.. .give that back” the Head of the Dai Li now sounded like a child who was asking a child for his hat back. “I’m not going to,” he declared and…  _ you remind me of Sai _ .  _ A little bit _ . Lady Yin took it out of his hands and tossed it like a boomerang out the door. Somewhere out there, the voice said “thanks Yin.”  _ This is just… who needs words right?  _ “I’m sorry, Your Majesty. Children can be wonderful…” and she cupped her hands together, “and also sometimes annoying. Does Your Majesty have any experience with such matters?” She took to giving some light prodding to either shin as if a need to confirm that it’s not in fifteen pieces. Because I’m a smart, smart, person, I jumped to the conclusion -or rather question- of “Is this some kind of subtle statement about the relationship between myself and Her Imperial Majesty?” She laughed. “No, Your Majesty. Though I imagine when the day comes that we are all graced with an heir to the Empire, it  _ would  _ be a good thing to know.”  _ Hey, woman I don’t know. I mean Yin. What’s with everyone and asking me about heirs? Just because my only purpose in existence, as part of being Imperial Consort, is to have an heir… wait no that’s completely the point isn’t it. You all ask me because that’s the only legal value I have. Just as that random Dai Li agent said. That’s all I am. It’s like being back in Gaoling again. My only purpose is to deflower one person, then consummate such until an heir is produced. I have no other purpose. Right. That’s why everyone says what they say. Right.  _ To distract myself from the somewhat solemn reality of events, “Can we talk about more...violent things instead?” I asked to change the conversation. This small child bounced up and down, “I once saw Dad catapult a man off the Outer Wall with a rock glove swipe!” and this child mimicked that swipe. “That’s my son!” the Head of the Dai Li said, proud. 

This strange woman didn’t like the concept of budging. I mean, she did, but she was also really curious about my knowledge of children. “If you understand children, children won’t seem as strange to Your Majesty.”  _ No, really? If I never met an airbender, I wouldn’t understand airbenders.  _ Time for backstory? Time for backstory. But since this person’s never met me before it was  _ relevant _ , not convenient. “Kyoshi Island’s got a disproportionate number of young women. Half of them are named Koko. I’ve also got a younger cousin who I occasionally forget even exists because my life doesn’t revolve around my homeland. Yes, as of now, my dear Sai is the only female blood-of-Kyoshi individual on Kyoshi Island. Or...direct bloodline that is. There are probably many people who are half or partially descendants of Kyoshi, but true descendants of Kyoshi are descendants of Kyoshi Islanders who were alive… wait what was I talking about? Right. Child. Children. I’d recommend asking my cousin, the Captain of His Imperial Majesty’s Guard, the Kyoshi Warriors, or if you want to talk like a normal person, Suki, for more details on dealing with children. She’s perfect at everything including that. I was more of the ‘go swimming, come back frostbitten’ kind of guy.’” And this Yin woman clapped her hands and gasped in happiness and “that’s amazing!” exclamations. “Does Your Majesty know what it’s like to take care of children?”  _ Why are we talking about children? You're weird _ . But, for politeness sake, I thought to continue this nonsensical conversation with a somewhat unnerving kindhearted woman who was healing my legs...somewhat. “I know what it’s like to live  _ with  _ children. I shared a bedroom with my cousin Suki while my little cousin got her own private bedroom. You’d think it’d be, ‘oh, two bedrooms? One goes to the man and one goes to the two women’ but Sai demanded her own. And we’re not from the Water Tribes.” and I completely lost track of what her question was because I couldn’t stop talking about how great Kyoshi Island was and is. 

The Imperial Guard, no I don’t know how, tracked me down to the Head of the Dai Li’s Upper Ring private house near the Central Axis. And they brought a certain young woman, according to the dozen different horns blaring off in the distance. While they waited outside the house bearing an Imperial Carriage, Commander Xuan apologized from outside of the bedroom. “Your Majesty, please try to forget the events from earlier. A rogue agent committed them and he will be punished by execution. My agents will attempt to track him and his cell’s movements and catch them when we are able to. We will present their heads to Your Majesties.”

A cane in hand, I hobbled out the doorway and looked him in the eye. Now, it happened to be that all the events that just transpired had boggled my mind to the point of delusion. Not entirely, since I still recalled this rogue agent’s statement about my civil authority. “Am I actually without power?” I asked, glaring at him. “No, Your Majesty, that’s just… a threat that this rogue agent, or rather a cell of agents, made” he countered, playing defensive with both tone and voice. “So I’m still the Emperor? What about all the ‘Imperial Law’ things?” since I also recalled that. “Personally, I don’t care if Your Majesty does as Your Majesty wishes. However… certain rogue forces, rogue groups, you know the ones, are furious that Your Majesty disobeys Her Imperial Majesty.”  _ Hmm.  _ “So you’d recommend I, what? Follow Her Imperial Majesty’s every instruction. Even if it means ignoring going to Court?” I asked, resting on my cane. I didn’t need it, my legs weren’t broken -they were just hammered so hard the legs were covered in black-and-blue marks that were tender to the touch- but as per Yin’s instructions I used it. He nodded. “Just remember, the Dai Li law is that anything Her Imperial Majesty says must be obeyed. Do anything else and it counts as treason. While I see the benefits, Your Majesty’s attempts to better the realm while also individually pursuing goals is admirable, rogue Dai Li agents will not. As such, I would recommend doing  _ whatever  _ Her Imperial Majesty requests and never breaking those rulings. Even if it means lying in bed all day. Until we’ve captured these rogue agents. Those rogue agents may be traditionalist oriented, or maybe  _ they  _ are in favor of a coup. And, we’d want to investigate the entire Dai Li to find who orchestrated this. This conspiracy could be hundreds of agents large.”  _ Wait...wait...wait,  _ “How do you know about what they learned? How do you know  _ any  _ of this?” He smiled. “A Dai Li agent knows how to extract information from other Dai Li agents. Anything they claimed about you is a reflection of their own goals. And, I happened to catch them and extract  _ everything _ .”  _ This is all… a bit much to take in _ . It was so much to take in, I just looked at him, exhausted, and said “Thank you, Commander.” I didn’t bow, I just hobbled down the stairs.

With a full Imperial Procession of a twenty-ostrich horse drawn Imperial Carriage, Her Imperial Majesty, clad in usual wrestler garb, hair done up in a bun, rolled out, stood, and ran over to and tackled me. “Kyoshi! How are you doing?” and I went ‘ _ ow’  _ a bunch of times as I received some tight hugs. “Are you hurt?” she asked, helping me up. Merely being tackled by her energized me like a second wind.

“ _ I fought the law and the law won _ !  _ I fought the law and the law won! _ ” “So...you’re not hurt?” she wondered, resting on my arm. “I’m fine, Your Majesty.” she ‘looked’ at my chest. “Great! I was told you suffered a bad accident.” I looked over at the doorway. The Head of the Dai Li’s jade eyes looked back at me. “I didn’t suffer an accident… I did suffer...but” I couldn’t continue. Knowing that Toph was okay was all that mattered. “Nothing’s happened to you, right Toph?” “No, Kyoshi.” “Nobody attacked you.” “No, Kyoshi.” “Did you have a peaceful sleep?” “I might’ve, but I need a good pillow for a good sleep.” “So you’re good. Well. Decent. Adequate.” She didn’t answer, instead dragging me back towards the Imperial Carriage. “Stop worrying so much.”  _ No _ .

While I was being thrown into the Imperial Carriage, Toph told me that “The Prime Minister, or some old guy, told me there’s a great Palace for us to go visit! This River Palace place. I’ll take any excuse to get out of this stuffy city!” 

And like that, the Carriage set off. 

Oh, and I took a shoulder punch because “Thanks for caring.” “But I didn’t say I cared. I just asked you a bunch of-” but I was cut off with a hand-muffle. “Whatever.”

I guess we’re going on an adventure now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Mori is scared of a repeat of this time and Toph practices her sandbending.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Interrogated Folks:  
> -The events around Caldera are a reference to the finale of 'Records', when Grand Secretariat Han manipulates Toph into sending Mori and Suki in with the first wave of the naval assault. It's presumed, by Mori, and eluded to by Suki that he did this to get rid of Toph's allies. We don't know whether it was pure coincidence (Mori and Suki happened to achieve success in claiming an important landmark, so maybe he wanted them to lead the attack) or deliberate (no allies for Toph = more power for him).  
> -Eitherway, Mori will come to his own conclusions. Normally, because he's Mori and Mori is the Consort of Toph, Mori's word is law. A traitor is whomever he names. The Dai Li don't always respect that, as this chapter shows.  
> -Mori's knowledge of confessions comes from what he's accrued over his time in the capital since first being instated as Consort.  
> -Azula may have good control of herself, but she still has moments of mental snapping. Mori never saw them before because the two past times they met after the fall of the Fire Nation, she was in total control of herself and felt in control of her surroundings. This just happened to happen when she went overboard with her lust for torture.  
> -Yes, Azula did defend Mori from the Dai Li. She's got a twisted sense of value. As he says, he did do what she wanted. And he learned lessons from her. And he always listened to her. And he always served her every pleasure. Therefore, she defends him.   
> -Why not brainwash Mori? They wanted intelligence from him and they planned on beating it out of him.  
> -The line about the hero is a bit of self-reference. The Avatar is the one who gets free everything no matter what. Mori, before he was Emperor, didn't get much. After being Emperor, he only gets things because of the title.  
> -Yes, Chong-Shan, though not canon in the fanon RP, 'inspired' a contingency (a very obvious one) to strip relatives of monarchs/Princes of all their ranks.   
> -Meet Xuan's family!   
> -Yin is his hardworking herbalist wife and for all she looks weak, she's as crazy as he's efficient.  
> -Xiu is his son, as of now a mere child. Playful and spends most of his days at his father's workplace bothering Dai Li agents. One day, he may go far. Very far.   
> -Xuan's family, courtesy of u/Ahylae , inventor of the whole Daiyu (that's Xuan, his ancestors and his family) lineage and some wonderful headcanons.  
> -You thought Mori being Imperial Consort would be only for laughs? Nope. That really is his purpose. Have sex, produce heir, the end. As he ironically points out, it's just like back in Gaoling. He was brought there to produce a strong earthbending heir. Because Toph chose him as Consort, he's legally only in existence to...produce a strong earthbending heir. 
> 
> -Moral of much of the story: You don't have to be the titles others define you as. You'll have to fight them to prove you aren't what they say you are, but you don't need to resign yourself to their declarations of who you are.


	45. The Imperial Yankou River Palace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph decides to go on a field trip...  
> ...and Mori's afraid of being killed for disobedience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter than usual. ~9.5k instead of the usual 10 or 11.

Chapter One Hundred and Eleven:

I can say whatever I want about the Empire and its faults, but the Empress knows how to travel in style. Entire roadways getting cleared by a long line of Imperial Guards riding on barded ostrich horses carrying banner lances. The Imperial Carriage isn’t that much larger than a regular Carriage, but it makes up for this with having so much legroom...and amazing cushions to sit on. Two dozen ostrich horses, arrayed in four rows of six, ride forward pulling us with them. Captain Wuhan sits next to the coach, ready to answer any of our requests at a moment’s notice. Behind us, a procession of Imperial Guards and usually, attendants. Attendants bearing everything anyone could ever desire at a moment’s notice. Correction, not  _ anyone _ , the Empress. She likes hippo-cow steak and seal jerky? Smaller carriages and palanquins bring an assortment of treats behind us. Healers, too, within their own sedan-chairs. As I am accompanying her, a platoon of Kyoshi Warriors on their own ostrich horses, blue-armored ostrich horses after Kyoshi Island’s blue clothes, with Suki at the front of the group. And of course, within the Carriage itself, the watchful ears of Her Imperial Majesty. Even as Her Imperial Majesty receives a back massage from her private pillow. All of this… stuff… just to travel partway down the Central Axis Road. All of this opulence, only for us to reach the first monorail station and Toph to immediately jump off her cushion and run up the stairs and into the monorail. The Imperial Guards who formed two perfect lines barely had time to kowtow before she ran past. This isn’t to mention the rest of the procession, who had to stop in place -as she stopped- and attempt to form a circle of defense around her. And she ran past it all and ignored it. The  _ only  _ person who knew what would happen, me, got up and tried to go after her. Because unlike all the kowtowing guards and attendants, I could ‘run’ after her, legally. Except, of course, my legs ached from the pain. I initially tried to run after her, only to stumble and fall flat on my face. Thank you Imperial Guards. They helped me up and, cane now in hand, I hobbled up the stairs. She ran inside the Imperial Carriage, her favorite badgermole companion somewhere in the back -he got on earlier- and she hastily made her way to her large bedroom. By the time I caught up with her, my legs throbbing from the discomfort, the ‘essential’ soldiers and staff had been loaded on. And...our journey had only just begun. We departed for the Yankou River Palace in Yankou Commandery, the titular Region of Nanchang, directly southwest of Ba Sing Se.

I was summoned -no I wasn’t, I was already in the bedroom- for a wrestling match with Toph. Then I got my legs healed. It went something like this: “Kyoshi, how did you day go?” the Empress of an entire continent, acting like an Empress and definitely not just lying back in her bed picking her toes, asked. “I...I had a hard day. Tried to deal with some…” I paused and looked up at the ceiling. I knew there were two agents there. The ride here was numbing, but I hadn’t forgotten the row of black-and-blue marks on my legs. “I dealt with the Court, Court was being annoying, so I went out for a stroll.” _Yep, a stroll_. Toph picked her head out of her feet, flopping said feet about on this massive bed, and leaned over to rest on an arm. “No, you went to Court yesterday.” _It was...yesterday?_ “It was yesterday?” I asked, confused. “You went to Court yesterday, but then you disappeared for the night. The Commander of the Dai Li said you were going on some kind of personal trip to the Agrarian Zone. Then you got into an accident.” She said all this, unnaturally serious, while quite not-seriously grabbing my chest and pushing me backwards so that I fell onto the bed. “Do _you_ know what it’s like to go without a pillow for a night?” she asked me, extremely serious, while headbutting my chest. _I...no...what?_ “You have lots of pillows, Your Majesty” I formally corrected the person who was formally scratching my chest like a badgermole scratches rocks. “I have many pillows, but none as fitting” she replied, continuing her assault on my chest. _What are we talking about?_ Because I wanted to know what we were referring to, or maybe my mind was just stuck in euphemism land, I asked “when we are talking about pillows, are we talking about actual pillows that can be fluffed up, or men you happen to like sleeping on, or something completely different?” I was feeling a odd mix of emotions. Confused -at the question-, afraid-to-admit that the chest scratching was somewhat relieving, and of course, numb. She picked her hands off my chest and instead took to grabbing my hair. “Are you blind? I’m talking about _fitting_. You _fit_ well. Actually, according to Pu-On Tim’s plays, Prince Boomerang would fit me better.” I heard her say that, quite serious and Imperial-sounding, and my mind jumped to ‘ _Is this a euphemism?_ ’ “Is this a euphemism? Are you setting me up for a punchline?” and guess what? She punched me in the arm. “How didya know?” she asked, much less Empress sounding and much more lighthearted. “You mentioned Prince Boomerang and ‘fitting’ and-” but I took a hand to the face. “Of course, Prince Boomerang and his thick-” _nope,_ I pushed her off me, cutting her attempted statement off. “Hey! Did you just _push_ me off? I’m the Empress! You can’t do that!” Her attempt to hit back reflected that she was not taking her words seriously and instead looking for some fun. 

I wasn’t feeling as in-the-mood. ‘ _ I’m the Empress’,  _ and, based on what I told a few  _ dian  _ earlier, that had far more serious meanings underneath.  _ You pushed the Empress off. You’re going to get punished for that _ . Suddenly my mind raced to  _ those  _ outcomes. “Toph...I don’t want to die.” Toph got off her back, sat up, and glared at me.  _ “What _ ? You’re not going to die! I challenge you to a duel!” and she -grappled me by the hair, pulled me up, and sat back on my torso.  _ I… right, right, of course. Toph’s not going to kill me. You’re losing your mind _ . “A wrestling duel?,” I inquired. She blew on her bangs and cracked her knuckles. “ _ A wrestling duel _ .” and she got  _ off  _ my torso, crawled elsewhere on the bed, and braced for the start of the match. Meanwhile, I tried to get on my knees. My legs were hurting a _ lot _ , but I pretended they didn’t.  _ That healing balm did well.  _

We took our places, her towards the foot-side of the bed, me towards the pillow or headrest side of the bed. She pulled her hair back and let it drape behind her like a cape. Then she raised her hands. I tried the same and pretended my legs didn’t hurt. “Campaign, begin!” she shouted in a mockery tone. She sat there, licking her lips and  _ waiting _ . “We  _ are  _ dueling with wrestling, right?” “Yes.” “We  _ are _ , right?” “ _ Yes _ .” See, one of us was worried about doing something  _ wrong _ and the other one seemed to have been blissfully ignorant of this. “Kyoshi…  _ start _ .” 

I realized that I couldn’t win. That’d put me in a bad light.  _ So I shall lose.  _ “My offensive shall break your defenses!” I declared before, well, going on an offensive. I grabbing her left arm with my right hand. “No fair, I’m-” her left hand wrapped around my right hand and she pressed her thumb against that chi-blocking spot. At the same time, she raised her right hand and did a chopping motion against my right hand -her palm struck my elbow joint- “blind!” I involuntarily winced and yelled “ow!” before stumbling back on myself. Instead of going on the offensive, she sat there while I collected myself.  _ I can’t win. But I have to appease her. That’s what the Commander was referring to _ . I opted for the exact same strategy. “Charge!” I grabbed her arm and attempted the same grapple as before. She giggled. “You’re doing the same thing,  _ again _ ?” she said, not taking my feint seriously, and raised her right hand again. Except this time, I grappled her right hand with my left. “You… clever” she let out a small grin. So she rolled forward, pressing both her hands forward and pressing me backwards. I fell back onto the bed and she fell onto my torso, coming down with a great headbutt  _ smash _ . “Yield?” she asked with that  _ if you don’t yield I might send you into the next commandery over _ voice, except playfully. I tried raising my legs for protection but one, she was lying on them, and two, a bolt of pain shot through my shins as she did that  _ hard landing _ . I take it that she felt that because she immediately sat back up and commented, innocently, “Wow, didn’t know I was  _ that  _ good”. I wasn’t about to lose this duel.  _ It’s a game. Make it fun. Appease her. Or lose your head.  _

So I grabbed her arm and said “you’re going...down!” and pulled her towards me. Then with my other hand, I rolled her over so now she was back-on with the bed, to my side. This maneuver completely caught her off-guard, earning her “how crafty” comment and accompanying hair blow. Now  _ I  _ was on top, metaphorically, I was actually to her side, but I could sit on my legs. Also _ , Kyoshi, my shins feel like growing pains with an unhealthy dosing of hammers _ . The game would progress. Winning, but not winning. So I asked Toph “You sit on me and that’s how you win right?” expecting her to reveal her secret to success. Arrogantly, I went for the old ‘pin her arms down’ strategy. “Don’t monologue so much” she said in a criticizing -sarcastic- voice. Then she  _ kneed  _ me in my lower back. “H- _ ow _ …” She tossed my hands off like one tossing off a cape and gave a single  _ twist  _ to my wrist, sending me tumbling to the side. 

“How did you...defeat me?” I asked, using the ‘bad guy’ tone all the folktales come with, since this was a big game. With me back on my back, she was back assaulting my back, absolutely no way to back out of that. She picked up her legs and brought them down on my stomach with a  _ bang  _ and a  _ bang _ , like two sticks playing a leather-covered drum. Then she... _ licked  _ her right hand. In her voice of arrogance, cheerful arrogance, “Yield, or Operation Oogie  _ will  _ commence!” Before she could...commence...with that, I had a worrying thought.  _ So, to what extent does ‘appease’ her mean? When she’s being sarcastic, am I supposed to play along with her or act like an idiot?  _

I played along, “is Operation Oogie the greatest sally in all of history?” and she  _ grinned _ . Widely grinned. “You know it” she said in that, well,  _ you know I’m the best, right? _ , voice.  _ But...if I play along, I’m not...I don’t want oogies. But she’s not seriously thinking of oogies. But…  _ I forgot that this was fake and timidly admitted “I yield.” And, for my yielding...I got the badgermole-face treatment, except with a hand. This was followed by her sitting back,  _ ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow _ and giggling nonsensically of being victorious.

Only after her celebrations quieted down did she finally realize that the whole time, I was wincing. “What’s the problem, my favorite pillow?” and she pinched my chest. “My shins are...maybe broken?” I maybe said. Suddenly, she snapped out of her giggling, grabbed my wrist and held it. “Repeat yourself!” she boomed. So I did. “I think my legs might be broken.” And her eyes widened. “but how?” I...struggled to speak. I looked up at the ceiling and gulped. “I...Your Majesty...I can’t say. Not by you. From before. I...I wrestled because I didn’t want to say no.” That  _ was  _ the truth, and she gave me a wrist squeeze. In a surprising tone, she gently stroked my hand. “It’s okay, Kyoshi, it’s okay. I know, your legs are hurt. It’s okay.” Because I was still numb from the events...and Laogai...and all that, I found her soft tone to be unsettlingly odd. I didn’t have long to think, she yelled “Healers! Get in here!”  _ For once, we went somewhere with deadly waterbender healers in our staff. _ Nobody questioned  _ why  _ we needed healers, afterall. If we were assaulted we’d call for guards. Toph got to my side, sat back on her knees, and took my hand with hers.  _ She  _ was reassuring  _ me  _ that “it’s okay.” I gave her a look she’d never reciprocate and a question I’ve never expected to ask. “Why are you being so nice?” “I...because… I spoke to someone that gave me some good advice. And that’s that” and she let my hand fall onto her lap. 

So this Northern Water Tribe woman enters with two Imperial Guards guarding her -just in case- and after the three kowtow, she uncorked her waterskin and ran it over my legs. The healer, her name I forgot, ran her water over either leg and gasped. Toph may be blind and couldn’t see how she  _ looked _ , but she heard the gasps. “What is it? What happened to him?” she asked, suddenly more like a protective badgermole mother, and as angry as one, too. “Your Majesty...your legs are...both fractured in the same spot. Multiple times.” The Imperial Guards’ faces winced. “How…?” the healer asked, Toph repeated, “ _ How _ ?”, -albeit with more hair petting- and even  _ I  _ questioned. Correction, I didn’t question it, I  _ knew  _ how. “Who did this?” and her tone went from soft to “I’m going to  _ kill  _ whoever did this.” “I...I went to the Upper Ring…” I began confessing, then I looked up at the ceiling.  _ ‘No telling the Empress’.  _ I didn’t even remember if this was a real memory or a fake one. Did the Commander tell me not to tell her? Or did the rogue agents? All I knew was...earlier, I was  _ beaten _ . Someone beat me so hard I woke up in the house of the Head of the Dai Li, being tended to by the wife of Commander Xuan. Some _ one _ beat me up so hard I should’ve cut off my queue in shame. That memory, those words,  _ felt  _ real. They felt real, like someone was waiting in the shadows to kill me. And the Dai Li….rogue agents.  _ They could be anywhere _ . I couldn’t look up at the ceiling without feeling...scared. “I went into the Upper Ring, Your Majesty, and I was… ambushed. I was… unconscious...I think… and then I woke up in the Head of the Dai Li’s house.” and the whole room had this look of surprise. I remembered Xuan telling me to ‘forget’. But in all reality, having my legs so severely...busted, waking up in a daze, his wife taking care of me...all the memories meshed together. “What?” Toph said with such a screech she could’ve torn this carriage off it’s track had she not been clutching my chest with her fists. So instead she squeezed my skin with two intense pinches, which made me yelp twice. “Who did this? Me and them are going to have many, many, words” and she punched her fist into the air to scare the rest of the room into  _ getting it _ . “I don’t know any names”,  _ that’s true, they were elusive.  _ The healer got to work, turning her water light blue, and pooling it into both of her palms.

“This will sting, Your Majesty” she warned. While I understood her warning, Toph didn’t. She raised her hand and pointed it at this healer. “If you  _ dare  _ hurt my Kyoshi I’m going to send you  _ flying _ ” and  _ that  _ commanding voice scared the Midnight Sun out of this woman. As much as I appreciate the possessiveness, “Your Majesty, let her work” I tried consoling her. But Her Imperial Majesty huffed and puffed instead. The healer, adamant, got to work and sure enough, I yelped from “ow, that does, in fact, sting!” except in less words. This drove Toph to initiate  _ I’m-going-to-break-you-into-multiple-pieces _ mode and “Guards! Arrest her!”  _ No Toph… this woman’s trying to help me _ . The two guards grabbed her while she had this ‘huh’ look on her face. I grabbed Toph’s hands and pleaded. “No, no, no, no, I  _ need  _ her. Arrest her afterwards!” Toph felt my hand. “Don’t arrest her, let her heal me first! Please!” Somehow,  _ probably me telling the truth _ , my pleading voice worked, and she came to her senses. The woman was released from what would be a very quick execution by a giant earth fist and went back to running her water over my legs. I grabbed the bed around me so I’d have something to tug on while this healer got to work making  _ every single motion sting _ . I’m no earthbender, but I would’ve involuntarily punched a stone at someone had I been near one. Instead, I gritted my teeth and practically ripped the sheets off while Toph sat to my side and, at least,  _ tried  _ to hold me down. Having come to her senses, she didn’t kill the healer. Still being Toph, she struggled to keep my right hand from flailing about as I tried my hardest not to do something really stupid.

The memories of being beaten up by these rogue agents were distraction enough. The consequences even moreso. Toph kept asking, kept prodding, “who did this?” to me while… stroking my hand for reassurance. “A shadowy figure… in a dim room” that was the extent of what I could say. “And this was in the Upper Ring?” she counter-asked. “At some point, yes.” I said, unsure of my own statements. I couldn’t say more, when she prodded “Tell me more!” I softly, trying not to collapse and lose  _ all  _ my composure, “I  _ can’t _ . I don’t  _ want  _ to.” She couldn’t break my defense. As this woman switched to my other leg, the first numbed, I remarked that “My mind is still...foggy, Your Majesty.” This made her rub my hair and reassure me with “It’s okay, you’ll eventually remember”. And so, I laid there. For a few  _ fen _ . Someone, at some point, had the bright idea to offer me a calming drink, which I then downed with no regrets.

The woman finished my right leg and actually shook herself off, exclaiming while looking at the two of us, “Your Majesty...whoever did this actually fractured your legs. How did you walk so far?” I’d guess it’s because I didn’t know my legs were fractured. “He didn’t know his legs were fractured, as a result, he didn’t fall over” Toph said exactly what I was thinking. Toph also stated that “for healing my Imperial Pillow’s legs, you’re free of all charges” in her formal Empress voice. And the woman was dismissed, back to whatever compartment she was pulled from. Her last remark before leaving was one of gratitude, “Your Majesties are merciful.” 

Toph had to “check” I was alright. This transpired in a very Toph-like manner, hammerfisting -softly- either of my legs. When I simply said ‘ow’, she smiled. I took a shoulder punch for “surviving whoever those shadow people were who attacked you” and,  _ ow, another? _ , ‘“returning in one piece so I can have my Imperial Pillow back”. After, she called for dinner, as wherever I was, whatever happened to me, took a full night and most of the rest of the day. I didn’t want to think about it. Hippo-cow steak was brought into the bedroom along with a bunch of other dishes I don’t know the names of and won’t eat. I had to taste everything Toph wanted to eat, and despite multiple pleads of “let me go take a shower”, Toph insisted that she prefered me smelling like me because “I’m blind and I’ve got nothing to look at on this bed”.  _ You also don’t have anything to look at off the bed, and smelling isn’t sight, but perhaps I shouldn’t question it _ . So I did as a boulder does, and rolled with it.  _ That was a joke _ . I tasted three plates of this imported steak and one bowl of rice coated in hippo-cow grease. And I was also smeared with grease because “it’s not like we have napkins, right?” and everyone knows how well that stuff washes out of hair. Especially when forbidden from taking showers.

After dinner, we engaged in the Imperial tradition of Her Imperial Majesty lying on my chest and playing with my hair, while I cup her chin and back of her neck with my hands and give her a soft neck massage. This time, with even  _ more  _ intent to do well. Murmurs of approval are good, murmurs of ‘that’s not hard enough’ followed by ‘let me show you how’ and some intense scratches made on my skin are  _ not  _ good. Good for her, perhaps, but not good for the objective of delivering a satisfying neck massage. So I gave a satisfying neck massage and committed all of my energy to it. Besides, I was ordered to. She paused, realizing she forgot to change into her sleepwear, and got up to go do that. Meanwhile, I requested to change into mine -I was just wearing undergarments, the robes I had worn were discarded- and was, get this, rejected because “a pillow works as a pillow, not a pillow covered in fifty pieces of hard linen.” Such comments need to be recorded for future record of her comments. Other examples include: ‘Her Imperial Majesty was referring to how a Lower Ringer functions best as a Lower Ringer.’ ‘Her Imperial Majesty meant that the Earth Sages functioned best as Earth Sages alone, not as town leaders.’ ‘Her Imperial Majesty implied that an officer of the Imperial Army should be an officer only, and give up any other tasks for the other tasks are like layers of linen clouding his purpose.’ Of course, the real intention of this comment was a euphemism or something similar to it. 

Once she was changed -it took one dramatic wrestler-garb-being-tossed-into-my-face - into sleepwear, she jumped back onto the bed, got most of her hair flying into my face, and said “Hey Kyoshi, you owe me for not being there last night.” Because I was willing to do anything,  _ remember, orders _ , I tensely went “What does Your Majesty wish of me...to do?” She pointed with her thumb at her neck, “a good hair massage,” and I took to complying. I used both my hands to alternate with scratching the roots of her hair, as she always prefers it, and she casually played with mine while putting one ear to my chest and doing one of her seismic sense practice things. It started cautiously, me being scared of the ceiling, and slowly evolved into something more...relaxed. I guess many  _ fen  _ of near total darkness and Toph’s murmurs of ‘being the best hair massage-person  _ ever _ ’ are good at calming one’s nerves. Sure enough, my tension and worry for failure was what kept me awake. As I calmed down, I fell asleep. I was stirred awake by her tugging of my hair. Knowing that I was going to pass out, I apologized to her. “Sorry I couldn’t finish your hair massage.” She giggled and ran a finger up and down my chest. “Don’t worry so much.”  _ But that’s the whole point. That’s...all of that is the point. I am supposed to worry _ . I fell asleep. 

I awoke...somewhere that had wind rushing through it. I awoke to the feeling of wind. I looked up, _hold it a miao, that’s not a ceiling_ , guess what?, I was inside an earth tent of some kind. For a split _miao_ I thought I was somewhere dangerous or unsafe, _again_ , and shouted “Toph!” So she shouted, directly into my ears, “What!” while chewing on some kind of food. I had to put up with the same kind of ringing in my ears that one puts up with after standing next to the Imperial Siege Cannon when it launches. This is a testament to the absolute _power_ of my Empress’s vocal capacity. “Where are we?” I asked, sitting up a little bit. “We’re next to the Yankou River Palace” her voice was garbled due to talking while chewing on food. My next question was obvious, “Where’s the Yankou River Palace?” Her response? “I dunno, it’s near a river, and it’s in a place called Yankou.” _Thank you Toph._ I almost asked if she looked at a map first but held my tongue. _No, she hasn’t_. I sat up. “Do you want to go explore the Palace?” Meanwhile, she gave the ground one good fist punch, the ground shook slightly, and, “I’ve already explored it.” “You...look like you just woke up.” She yawned. “I did, Kyoshi.” and she punched the roof of the tent off, sending it flying and revealing twilight around us. Maybe a hundred feet away, the Palace itself.

The Yankou River Palace was...large. Quite large. We were looking at it from the back side, as in reality the ‘front’ sits along the great Bianjing River. From what I remember, the Palace was symmetrical in construction. A five story structure built with the spire-like features of an Earth Temple sat in the middle. Two four story structures to either side and a half circle of five three story circles sat around them. A long terracotta wall, much like the wall around the Imperial Palace, ran in a straight line, blocking off the Palace Grounds from the rest of the continent. It seeming to have no end. A large gate sat down the road -we were next to the road- marking the land-side entrance to the River Palace. It was a three story gatehouse instead of the usual two story walls. Nearer to us, a small circle wall, made of stone, no more than a story tall. Even closer to us, a post of Imperial Guards standing like statues. Toph was busy gobbling her -smelled like pig chicken, was probably something else- jerky, so I stood and asked “Guards! Why are we out here?” 

The sole guard that stood within the human wall of men turned around, revealing himself to be Captain Wuhan. “Your Majesty” and he kowtowed to Toph. After rising, “Her Imperial Majesty ordered us to stop here, as Her Imperial Majesty wished to sleep on  _ that  _ spot for the past night.” I looked down at Toph, happily chewing on her food, and, not believing it, asked “You couldn’t walk another few feet to the giant walls?” But something inside me  _ panged  _ like a gong, and I immediately got on my knees and kowtowed, “Forgive me, Your Majesty!” Toph, being Toph, pulled on my ear and giggled. “Nothing to forgive. I felt tired, so I went to sleep here. Good thing I have my pillow around” and she hit my shoulder with her fist. And shortly after, as if my awakening was what spurned her, she jumped up and walked off towards the terracotta walls. She and her wrestler garb, surrounded by tall golden statues. And me, and my blue robes. And my scabbard. The moment Toph took to walking, the circle of Guards walked as one. She desired going through the nonexistent gate? They walked in front of her -but still left a space for her to pass- and filed out. This is because in place of a gate, they had an empty space between the stone wall.

“Can I go explore the River Palace, Your Majesty?” I asked, calling out to her as she ran off towards the terracotta walls. “No, it’s boring. Trust me” she shouted back, halting her gait. “Then where are you-”  _ no, that’s wrong _ , “Then where is Your Majesty running?” I wondered since, contrary to her statement, she was running off towards the large River Palace. She stopped there, as if she needed to contemplate something. I caught up to her. “Was Your Majesty going for a run? May I accompany Your Majesty on a run?” but before she could respond to what I said, some attendant popped out through the red gatehouse, a gatehouse bearing a large Imperial Standard, and welcomed us “Your Majesties-.” She was cut off by Toph grabbing my wrist,  _ stating _ , not asking, “you liked beaches, right?” and dragging me off towards the gate. Before I could, guess what,  _ respond _ , I was grabbed by a rock glove,  _ her  _ rock glove, and pulled after her as she ran through the gates. An army of kowtowing attendants lined up at our sides behind two rows of Imperial Guards who were  _ already  _ inside this place before we even entered it. I’m serious. There was no way they all ran past us, unless they tunneled. And these two lines stretched all the way through the bottom floor of the Summer Palace -get this, the main road goes into the main building- and over to the beachside entrance. The bottom floor, aside from being nice and  _ clang _ y, as Toph’s feet pittered over it, was also quite expansansively...empty. There’s a throne bed, some cabinets for hanging an assortment of clothes, I imagine, a table for eating food, a bookshelf, and some drawers. The bed’s sheets and blankets were pre-made and had it not been for the row of Imperial Guards standing here, it’d feel nice and...alone. But I didn’t have enough time to think more than a sentence about each of these objects, I was pulled out through the curtain-bead-door thing and suddenly went face-first onto the beach. 

I looked up from my face-first fall and...we were at a beach. A private beach. A small dock sat down by the waterfront, a two-story boat immersed in the water sat next to the dock. The beach stretched as far in either direction as I could see. As this whole Palace was built on a corner of the Bianjing, the beach curved out of sight. Next to me, Toph rolled around in the sand like...well a child. As I got up and gained my footing to walk over to Her Imperial Majesty, an entourage of Imperial Guards cut me off and marched past in two lines. “Where are all of  _ you  _ going?” I asked, angry that they got in front of me. “To the Stone Boat, Your Majesty” commented Wuhan and his fancy  _ dao  _ scabbard. I looked between their columns and  _ no, no, she’s not your Toph, she’s,  _ “Your Majesty, are we going on a boat?” But Toph rolled about in the sand, letting it coat her sea-raven hair with river sand. After a short while, she addressed me. “A boat? You’re kidding, right?” and I heard the sarcasm in her voice, and yet, I fell back into a kowtow. Out of fear. “There is a boat...prepared, Your Majesty!” “I hate boats!” she declared like an annoyed child, except she was not a child. She took to trying to hammer her feet into the sand, but instead slipped about. “Why does this beach have sand?” she asked, I assumed, seriously. Though perhaps the parading Imperial Guard and their musical instruments blocked my senses. “It’s a beach,-”  _ titles...something inside me is telling me to,  _ “Your Majesty!” I declared. I had to scream it to overcast the small army of flute players. She barked an order, “Kyoshi! Get over here!” and like  _ that _ the two rows lowered their instruments, broke in half in perfect precision, and made a gap for me to walk through. I walked through the space in the sand and over to her. Then I attempted to kowtow again and instead tripped on the sand.

I lifted my head up and looked to one side. Up on the rooftop, a pair of the shadowy conical hats, _one of you...a rogue agent? did things to me...one of you is going to pay…_ took to their perches. They sat on the stone rails of what was otherwise a golden-tiled roof, their cold expressions uncaring of whether or not the Emperor looked up at them. Looked _up_. But as suddenly as I got to look up at these shadows dragged out into the bright sunlight, my hair was taken by a blind earthbender. As to how she managed to both stand and fall over was beyond me, but her tug pulled me, _all_ of me, forward. “Kyoshi, any experience in sand castles?” _Sandcastles?_ “No, Your Majesty” I said, I don’t know why I felt sad but I did. Who cares if I can’t build a sandcastle? I’ve _tamed the skies_ in a mechanical marvel of engineering. I’ve sailed to the ends of the Four Nations, the lands of icebergs and volacnos, but the inability to build a sandcastle made me dour. _No, I know why. Because that might be disappointing to Her Imperial Majesty. That could be...something… rogue agent. I could be punished_. She got up, I looked up at her knees, and she kicked the ground beneath her. The sands _did_ move, but it was more like a wave crashing over the beach, not a wave that rippled the soil itself apart. “What’s the matter, Your Majesty?” I asked, helping myself into a position where my legs lay behind me and I was pressing myself up with one arm’s elbow while the other relaxed on the sand. She kicked the sand again. 

“The water’s just below us. Can’t bed such muddy sand. Can’t even  _ see  _ in sand that well” she said, de...defeated?  _ Was this person really defeated by some sand? _ “Your Majesty, there is far more to do at the beach than earthbend” I proposed, trying to lighten the mood. “Like what?” she said, hop-falling into a sitting position at my side. “I-” but I glanced because my side, that is, her face, sat in front of those perched falcon-fisher Dai Li agents, and something about their expressions  _ struck  _ me that didn’t from all my months of servitude in the past. I corrected my err of titles. “Your Majesty’s humble servant… has gone swimming. Swimming is something that can be...” The oddness of my voice, possibly it was because the first portion of the statement was so fake of tone while the second was so driven and eager, made her knee my arm out from under me, causing me to fall back into the sand. “‘Humble servant?’ You? Humble?” and she pointed and, I  _ have  _ to mention this, went “Ha...Ahahahaha!” and bent herself over in booming laughter.  _ What...do I say? How do I respond to this?  _ “I am indeed-” but my formal tone was knocked out by her grabbing my arm and rolling over my back,  _ note, ow _ , and onto my other side, causing me to flip over with her. I ended up in her lap and she ended up with all her elbow-length black hair tickling my face. 

“What’s with you? Humble servants? ‘Your Majesty’ every other moment? I  _ have  _ a name,  _ Kyoshi _ ” and she blew on her bangs out of...assertiveness? “I...I don’t know what it is-” but again, my formal voice was cut off by her standing up, taking my arm with her, and her making me stand up. “Kyoshi, your pulse is like what Captain Boomerang is like after he’s finished his oogie session with Captain Kyoshi.” and she pulled my hand -and the rest of me- forward. I wasn’t even able to comprehend her euphemistic attempt at humor. “Let’s go for a walk. I like walks. You like walks.” and I… followed her. After a dozen paces for me, two dozen for her, she heel-turned and pointed  _ at  _ me, her face grimacing. At first I wondered if I had, I don’t know, forgotten her hair bracelet, or something. So I fell into a kowtow and “Forgive me, Your Majesty!” just as I was always  _ supposed  _ to do, according to Imperial Law. As it turns out, no, her hair bracelet was on her hair, but she wasn’t using it. Instead, she let her hair down. No...I wasn’t a criminal. “Guards! Leave us!” she ordered. I turned around. Indeed,  _ are you...breeding? Where are all of you even coming from? _ , there were more, and more, Imperial Guards standing over there, following us at some kind of twenty-pace distance. I knew those faces. I knew the men beneath that armor. People like Lieutenant Taishi or the twins, Jie and Shi, or that one Sergeant, Chen, was it?, and of course Captain Wuhan. And yet, they now moved like a solitary mass. Multiple parts of one piece. One unit. “Leave us!” she barked again. “Your Majesty, we are here to protect-” but the Captain of the Guard had his Northern voice shattered by the booming high-pitched command of “Leave us! I want some ‘ _ me’  _ time! Or I’m  _ leaving  _ you!”. Not willing to let them have a choice, Toph reached forward, grabbed my hand, and whispered “Kyoshi, we’re going for a  _ run _ .”  _ What kind of run? Where? How?  _

My answer came in the form of Toph immediately making for the grass on the side of the beach, my hand held by hers, and then kicking her feet into stone shoes. I was barely able to keep my feet up with her fast sliding, and I had no idea what kind of organized chaos was happening behind me. All I knew was that Toph kicked her way through a random wall of one of these one-story pavilions that dotted the place, and it happened to be a bedroom with a clothing cabinet and a drawer and...it’s like the other room but smaller, and Toph proceeded to swing me around her and  _ slam  _ me into the bed. “Kyoshi! What’s going on? You’re being fishier than a fish!”  _ Where...what? How...what? I’m just following the instructions that my instincts are telling me to do. Hmm.  _ I looked up at her and her hands-on-hips and begged. “I’m just doing what my gut tells me to do.” She took a step forward and  _ bang _ , her fist, meet my shoulder. “Congratulations, I’ve given you some oogies. Now, what’s going on?” and she crossed her arms.  _ I don’t...know. Maybe I’ll try that _ . “I don’t know. And...since when have  _ you  _ given people oogies?” It didn’t alleviate this nauseousness in my voice, but I thought it would. “This old man I met had some advice. And  _ what do you mean you don’t know _ ?” She sounded like she was about to rip my head off. By accident. A small army of footsteps came running, “Kyoshi, take my hand!” she yelled, a yell I remember being told to do oh-so-long a year ago. Without questioning, blind -no offense- faith in my Empress, I took her hand. She gave the ground a good kicking and suddenly we were in a hole. She did a small twirl motion with her hand and the light above us became darkness. 

“Now! Let’s go, for a walk!” she yelled, but quietly yelled. “Where? Why?” I didn’t bother with those inner thoughts. “I need to get away from Captain Gold and the Gold Gang. And that army of rooftop people.” _Rooftop...no._ “Your Majesty, those rooftop people would not be happy-” I was interrupted by the darkness grabbing my hand with a rock glove, “I don’t care about those rooftop people. I care about one person and one badgermole and that’s _it_!” and she took to, I imagine, destroying the land in front of us out with effortless ease. I felt… really tired. “I’m tired, Your-” I was cut off again. “I have a name,” the annoyed darkness told me. “I’m tired, _Toph_ ” I corrected myself. Saying that made me even more tired. I felt like I could throw up my insides and I didn’t know why. _Because those shadow people… the Dai Li… they are supposed to protect us. And those shadow people… rogue agents… no._ My mind _wanted_ me to say that Toph ‘needed’ the Dai Li for protection. No, that was a dumb thought. Toph can handle herself. Of course she can. She can handle me, too, or at least handle dragging me through the darkness. Tunneling through darkness reminded me of events from oh-so-long ago. 

May the Spirits not say we weren’t crazy. Crazily crafty. Nobody escapes the Beifongs, let alone an arranged marriage. As the two of us commented, hammered beyond reason,  _ “what kind of guy leaves an arranged marriage? Isn’t that what men live for?” she asked me. And to her, “and what kind of girl kidnaps the guy out of the arranged marriage? Aren’t eventual-wives supposed to be seducing their husbands?” and to that, I received a bonk to the chest with a whiskey bottle. It didn’t break because it was a jab of jest. “I’m a ‘wife’ now. Lovely! I can start producing children tomorrow. Just schedule a time to fit in! My day’s pretty.. .tight! I have to, oh, I know, get my hair done in the morning! Go to girly classes in the afternoon! And get my hair done again in the evening! Maybe I can fit someone in somewhere, at night? Are you available for night appointments?” She said it with such a courtly voice it was hard to believe what was coming out of her mouth. “Fit? Are you...is that a euphemism?” I asked, back then I was far more confused about what she said. Still am. Some things never changed. “Hey, until I find a better man, go right ahead. If you see what I mean, that is!” And no, I didn’t get it. She had to wave her hand in front of her face and laugh.  _

_ “Next time you plan to escape, maybe don’t spend half the night trying to eat my hair. It’s not actually holy.” Of course, inebriation makes for fun memory recollecting. Especially when said memories are completely imagined. Nobody ate anyone’s hair, but there were many jokes about doing that. Toph pulled out a retort. “And next time you try to escape by being kidnapped by the greatest earthbender ever, don’t kiss her! Waterbenders get beat by firebenders, we get beat by oogiebenders.” “Oogiebenders?” I wondered, amazed at a new bending style’s invention. “Not all of us are masters of the kissing arts.” she replied in her courtly voice. I tried my best to explain that “A hand kiss is not some kissing art-” but I was cut off by her inebriated courtly voice. “Oh it was such a sweet gesture, I say. But if you really want to beat a earthbender, you kiss their feet! Then we get blinded...with love!” And no, I had no idea what she was talking about. “So you see with your feet.” “No, I see with my ears” and she dug her finger into her ear. “Do you feel with your hands?” I idiotically drunkenly posed. “No, I feel with my tongue, now hold still!” and I did not hold still. “I am not a child” I said, sounding exactly like a child. “Really? You sound like one” her normal voice correctly pointed out. So I needed to counter that with reality. “You’re a girl” To this, she grinned and remarked “And you’re about to be a eunuch.” and she made a fist. And I gulped.  _

With that said, we gave up. I already knew how she saw, but sometimes being inebriated means we forgot past events. Namely when the news was still news. I had to capitulate and buy her as many rounds as she could drink, and I also had to carry her out into the woods while she suffered a hangover that’d make Shirahamans jealous. Note to self, just because you can drink all the rounds doesn’t mean you should. I also sat there all night and day, pretending I wasn’t holding her while she dealt with a wonderfully wonderful headache. And nausea. It’s okay, she doesn’t have to know everything I did. I’ll also pretend her lack of clothing was part of getting a protective layer of earth, and prayed that she did not notice me helping her rediscover the pleasures of...pants. And wrappings. And wrestler garb. And a hair bracelet. And maybe a shower. How the tavern’s blend made her forget what pants were...well… maybe it wasn’t the inebriation. Maybe it was finally being free of control and celebrating how she wished. Anyways… I still wanted for her to get that shower. Because showers are  _ not  _ something ‘Courtly’, they’re showers.

I never got her to take that shower. No matter how crazy, she casually threatened assassination should I dare even suggest she take a shower. I’d have to put up with her ‘I’m not doing it’ opinion on changing clothes, or bathing. And she’d have to put up with my cautious, as she called me ‘what are you, a coward’ attitude towards, you know, staying within the same town as a brothel. And the thing was, perhaps my emotions got the better of me. Spending so, so many nights holding her, being her one and only pillow, I got used to her opinions on showers. It became part of what made her so… her. Not that I’ll ever tell her this. I mean, people like Katara take showers, and as Toph put it once while we slept in a earth tent in the middle of nowhere,  _ ‘taking a shower doesn’t make you a better person.’  _ Sure, that wisdom was nonsensical, and was her way of telling me to start embracing her anti-shower stance, but after a while, I realized she was quite right. Taking a shower  _ does not _ make someone holier. Toph does her Toph things and she’s the best. I’d die for that showerless lady then and I’d die for my showerless Empress now. 

At one point, we travelled into some… town. A big town. On the road to Ba Sing Se. Possibly it was in Gujia Commandery, since we had bypassed Omashu not that long earlier. It would make sense, the town was one of these plains towns with no hills anywhere. Anyways, we had entered it as the duo that we were with one objective: “Scam all these  _ daofei  _ out of their money!” For this town had lots of  _ daofei  _ in it, not much of a shock, and those  _ daofei  _ stole Earth Kingdom gold. Instead of returning it to whatever joke of a garrison lived here, we opted that “Toph Beifong comes first!” with a unanimous agreement and one shoulder punch. So how did we scam everyone out of their gold? Was it games? Did we play games? Did we steal it with our hands? No. No. It’s all about  _ hair _ .

See, in the Empire, hair has special properties, depending on who you ask. In general, there’s to be no cutting of any hair. No matter where it is on the body. Some folk hero dictated that hair is to be venerated. Trimming may be allowed, for beautification purposes. Usually, and predominantly among the peasant class, hair is kept. So if you happen to grow a beard at sixteen, like many of the steppe peoples around the Si Wong do, then you grow a beard at sixteen. Sure, some Sages give their own decrees and some cultures allow for more leniency, but this hair veneration runs across the Empire. This doesn’t mean hair is  _ never  _ cut. Some herbalist, probably wanting to make boatloads of gold, ‘figured out’ that a potion of hair can do wonders. Just as Avatar’s blood is  _ so  _ holy and  _ so  _ special -take me and my specialness, oh I’m so so special and not just another nonbender- so is Avatar’s blood’s hair. My hair could sell well. Just don’t cut it all off and keep it below the shoulder so I still look honorable. 

_“Step right up and get yourself some holy Kyoshi hair! Holy Kyoshi armpit hair! One gold, one clump of hair!” Toph shouted, amplifying her voice with earthbending to make everyone look at her_. As it turned out, that was neither armpit hair or even my hair. We caught some _daofei_ outside of town and, as Toph would say, ‘rocked his existence’ with a large rock so hard he vanished into dust. Then I cut all his brown-enough-to-be-auburn hair off his head. It wasn’t true auburn hair and he wasn’t a true Kyoshi Islander. The thing is, this eventually ran out. He only had so much appropriate to slice off hair and we had to chop it into small pieces so people would think this girl actually...pulled it out. _“Kyoshi hair! It gave this man his vision again!” she’d shout_. People would walk up to her and go ‘really? Prove it’ and she’d go ‘how many fingers am I holding up’ or something like that and I’d tell her -and them- exactly how many fingers she was holding up. These people would actually fall over themselves in shock. Toph sold this not-me hair as a cure-all for anything you could think of. _“It’ll grow your crops! It’ll grow your hair! It’ll give you kids! It’ll regrow your missing limbs or man bits! It’ll give you bending powers! It’ll make you as powerful a bender as me!”_ As for the last one, she’d demonstrate that by picking up boulders with ease and flicking them into people who didn’t buy our scammed products. Needless to say, all it took was reminding these people it came from ‘the holy womb of Kyoshi’ -or something flowery like that- and that it was magic hair, and they bought it by the handfuls. So much so that people were asking Toph to cut off my hair. _“If this can grow my crops, what’s his man-part’s hair going to do? Give us firebending?”_ Some man genuinely asked that. And Toph grinned. _“It could do...many things”_ I shook my head passionately while Toph played along with this deranged man’s nonsense. So Toph told him to _“give me half a day to… remove it all”_ and she dragged me out through an alleyway over to a sidestreet. _“Toph...you don’t even cut your own hair, you can’t even cut your own hair! Please...don’t!”_ She let me grovel for a few _miao_ before grabbing my real, present, hair and saying _“Kyoshi, find some dead person and take their hair.”_ and we went and did just that. We killed another _daofei_ , stole this woman’s black head hair -I couldn’t remind Toph that it was the wrong color she was too passionate- and we returned to this interested man. _“Why is it black?” the man asked._ _“I looked at him with my own two eyes and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. So thick. Kyoshi Islanders have multicolored hair. And because it’s black Kyoshi hair, it’s even rarer because all Kyoshi Islanders have auburn hair.”_ Toph _really_ sold him on it. _“What do I do with this hair?”_ the interested man asked. _“Eat it? Lick it? Mix it into a concoction? Whaddya need it for?”_ she asked, as if this was some kind of real potion that actually had a benefit. _“My wife wants a fourth kid”_ and with that I proceeded to down my mind in whiskey while Toph sold him _all_ the black hair, promising wonderful results. In one day, we left with a bagful of gold. We also could only stay there one day because, as Toph logically pointed out, _“The moment that guy learns that he’s just terrible at his existence, he’ll come after us_. _”_ So we hit the road and ran for it, like one might do. 

In the next town north, we had to pass through a barely-existing Royal Army garrison to get there first, the Magistrate was hosting some kind of noble’s dinner. He was a noble, after all. And Toph was a noble, apparently. So what did Toph do?  _ “You’re coming with me and we’re going to invade that noble party”  _ she said. Then she changed into her court dress. Why were we going to a noble’s party? Because Toph wanted to. And because  _ “What’s the point of living if we don’t screw up these nobles’ lives?”  _ Sure, she was right. I reminded her about the possibility of a Beifong presence and she didn’t care. Because she’s Toph. That day, we were so rich off the backs of hair-scams that Toph could buy me a fancy, fancy, nobleman’s robe. And she even offered to help me into it, then tied it up all wrong because I forgot she was blind and can’t tie on a robe to save a life. After we did our hair into a topknot and a  _ qitou _ , we set off as the Lady Beifong and her Consort husband, me. I didn’t have a name, I was just her gentleman-in-waiting. I...I don’t know, I was told  _ “do not speak unless spoken to, you’re supposed to fill me with holy Kyoshiness and I’m supposed to already have a child waiting to pop out”  _ and surprise, I felt like I needed to retch from hearing that. But I followed my dear Toph then as I followed my Empress now through a tunnel. So we showed up to this event and were allowed in through Toph’s passport alone. The door guards almost fainted when they saw the amount of gold on the thing.  _ That was only the beginning of her gold _ . We showed up in this big dinner hall, she pretended that she needed me as a seeing-eye man, and I assisted her to a table. The Magistrate discussed the usual; his wife was boring, he wanted to take a sixteen year old concubine who was nice and ‘flowered’, and he was thinking of trying to plot against the Earth King because he thinks his little county would be better off to face the Fire Nation alone than with the one-day-soon-except-never support of the Earth Kingdom. Oh, and he was like forty. Almost as soon as the Magistrate revealed all his threatenable material, Toph got up and dragged me away.  _ “Let’s go steal his bed”  _ she insisted. So she led the way,  _ now who’s the blind one… still me,  _ until we found a room that was so fancy that I almost passed out from all the gold.  _ Only the beginning, as I’d learn _ . And one room over, this scared young woman hid in a closet. She confused me for the forty-something and  _ “are you...here… to prepare me…?”  _ she asked, terrified.  _ “Prepare you for what?”  _ Toph wondered. _ “The Magistrate wants me ‘prepared’ for deflowering”.  _ I looked at Toph, she blew on her bangs,  _ “She’s telling the truth”,  _ and we concluded that we had something far more… pressing… to do. First things first,  _ “stay in that closet. Do not come out. We aren’t going to harm you. We’re here to...help”  _ Toph tried to sound as reassuring as a fourteen year old can sound to a sixteen year old. Second things second, Toph had the two of us wrestle until we worked ourselves into a massive sweat. She then rolled around on the sheets, letting her sweat and mine get everywhere. Third things third, Toph instructed the two of us to lay on the bed in a compromising position. Thank the Spirits, we could keep my clothes. We sat there, I resisted the urge to compliment her pretty hair, and we waited. And waited. And waited. 

And this man eventually stumbled in, drunk. He was all  _ “What are the two of you...doing in that bed?”  _ he asked, confused and shocked. Toph, being a master poet,  _ “I just turned your bed into a mix of Kyoshi and Beifong fluids, so I’d recommend you back off.”  _ was her ‘polite’ way of getting rid of him. He didn’t seem interested in budging. Less polite, I asked  _ “Are you really going to sleep with a sixteen year old girl?”  _ The drunk man was all  _ “Sure! Slept with ten others just like her!”  _ and, well, this man might as well have asked Toph and I to do what we did next. I let her jump off my waist and she immediately pulled the stone beneath this man up, encasing him in earth. I grabbed my  _ jian _ , which was bought near Gaoling, and drew it with a beautiful,  _ romantic _ , gust of air.  _ “For breaking Kyoshi’s ethics, and also Kyoshi’s own ethics, we sentence you to castration!”  _ Toph happily cheered. This man’s face could speak volumes. It didn’t. She flipped him onto his back, encased his hands and legs and neck and mouth in earth, leaving one large gap that was  _ not  _ encased in earth, and cheered me on.  _ “Go on, Kyoshi! Make it slow!”  _ She pointed at him, his muffled screams, and taunted him with  _ “I want you to watch this. This is when things are going to get bloody! Nice and bloody, if Kyoshi’s claims are true!”  _ I had practiced such a move a hundred times and enacted it ten times, thank you some people from Shirahama.

_ Stab _ , swing back and a  _ slice _ . This man could wail to the spirits for forgiveness all he wanted. Or...he could try to, he was gagged and, since Toph hadn’t had enough, half-buried in the floor. We left, offering him the courtesy of a quick earth-gauntlet knockout, and took the girl with us. We never learned her name, but we sent her off with a bag of forty gold pieces, enough to buy her a secure carriage -with a platoon of private bodyguards- south to Kyoshi Island and still have some gold left over. There, I told her to “tell Suki his favorite cousin sent her’”. 

So this ended up being our purpose, for some time. We travelled north, scamming the  _ daofei  _ and giving all our wealth to those who we could find. A few dozen officials lay unable to reproduce by our bloody hands, and what did we get for it? An interesting relationship founded on the back of dishing out Kyoshi’s Ethics. Toph got my never ending back massages and my use as a pillow, and I got her shoulder punches. Together? We had many nights of getting to lie quite close with one another for protection and ‘because you’re comfortable to lie on’ and all that. Oh, and whiskey. Lots and lots and lots of whiskey. And fights against others. 

Speaking of fights, “there’s a battle up ahead, Kyoshi!” and Toph’s yell brought me back to reality. “You want to partake in some? I do!” and before I could answer, Toph kicked the ground up and flung us into a forest. 

Sure enough, in a clearing some distance ahead, a bunch of  _ daofei  _ were attacking a convoy.

  
  


“Yeah,  _ Toph,  _ I think I’m up for a fight” and I put my hand on my hilt.

_ Note to self, how to avoid being terrified of rogue agents hunting you down, get into big battles with your girlfriend, I mean betrothed, I mean Empress… I mean Toph, at your side.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, a battle against some daofei! And we meet a competent Magistrate, for once!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Opulently Confused Folks:  
> -Why did Toph take the formal procession? She was feeling lazy.  
> -Why does Toph batter Mori with euphemistic jokes? She's Toph.  
> -Yes, Mori's individuality (and personality) was/is temporarily defanged. Temporarily. It will have long term consequences.   
> -Toph does have a sense of compassion, contrary to all the propaganda posters and Pu-On Tim erotic plays.  
> -The 'someone' that Toph spoke to is Lao Ge.  
> -Lao Ge, here on out, is always going to be in the shadows. What's he doing? Metaphorically moving chess pieces around. What's his goal? We'll have to find out.  
> -The Yankou River Palace is in Yankou. I know, how helpful.  
> -The Bianjing River runs northeast-southwest with Yankou being the point where the river reaches the West Lake.  
> -Falcon-fishers are falcons + kingfishers. Both are small perching birds.   
> -The concept of sacred hair is from real China. Confucius taught that one must venerate their body. Hair and nails were still trimmed, but the general idea was to let your hair grow long (thus all the topknots and queues).  
> -Toph did scam people into buying holy healing hair that isn't holy or healing.  
> -Why does it work? She appealed to the superstitious. A similar kind of nonsensical can be found in ancient China, where virgin's blood could be used as a healing remedy.  
> -Yes, hair is used for potions. Avatar's blood hair has special properties. Supposedly.  
> -Yes, Mori castrated a man for breaking Kyoshi's Ethics.  
> -Yes, the two Imperial's relationship is built on vigilante justice.


	46. The Lord of Jinhui

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Magistrate and some guards walk into an ambush.  
> A blind girl and a tree-man also walk into an ambush.
> 
> Lots of people die.

Chapter One Hundred and Twelve:

“Who’s attacking who, and how?” I idiotically asked while the Empress cracked her knuckles. “I take it the people attacking the convoy are bad” the Empress replied before taking off through the forest. Unlike her, I have eyes. I looked ahead and from what I could tell, the convoy had Imperial flags and the people swarming the convoy were  _ daofei _ -looking people with a motley assortment of rags. I tried insisting “No killing!” because... _ I don’t remember why _ . I think it’s because even though one group looked like  _ daofei _ , I had no confirmation of them. “Sure thing, Twinkletoes!” she shouted.  _ Shouted. That’s good. Attract their attention _ . I drew my  _ jian  _ and hopped over tree roots, ran aside of rocks, and wound my way between this forest. Toph wasn’t as quiet. She kicked herself into an earth wave and rode over the ground itself. And because  _ who needs to be quiet? _ , when she reached the clearing proper, she stomped the ground and screamed “What’s up, girls?”. I… wasn’t as loud. She stomped a few more times, because ‘element of surprise’ and ‘element of earth’ are opposites, or something. A couple  _ miao  _ later, I reached the convoy. Just a bit late for all the fun stuff to begin.  _ The fun begins when the Empress dictates it begins _ .

The convoy itself was one of these classic ‘we got ambushed’ ones where the guards brought their carriages into a wagon circle. The soldiers and probably loyal Imperial people were inside the carriage circle while the  _ daofei  _ and probably not loyal people  _ -it’s in the name daofei- _ assailed it from the outside. The  _ daofei  _ were tossing boulders, launching bolts and arrows, and trying to climb  _ over  _ the carriages. They were armed with lots of hand axes, spears, and a few  _ dao  _ blades. I don’t know why they didn’t break the carriages -perhaps all the stored gold- but I also didn’t have time to think about it. Toph’s shouting attracted most of the  _ daofei _ ’s attention, which was  _ great  _ for us. And by us, I mean her. Because I’m just a man holding a sword. And Toph? 

Pulling both fists back, she covered herself in earth armor. “Oh...you guys are  _ so  _ dead” I commented, loudly, from the side. Turns out the shouting attracted a man interested in trying to dance with me. By dance, I mean stab me with his spear. I stepped to the side and let him thrust himself forward, only to pommel-hilt then elbow hit him in the chin.  _ And you’re...going...down _ . And he went down. She heel-tapped the ground as she slid into an ostrich horse stance, sending a fissure to grab the nearest of these  _ daofei  _ and...well he...and a couple other men... learned to do the splits. The fissures quaked the ground and sent most of her attackers falling over themselves. For the rest, she pulled earth plates out of the ground, forming a shield against the arrows and other such projectiles flung at her. She punched the right plate forward, catching a  _ dao-wielder  _ off-guard - _ how are you possibly off-guard there’s two people to attack _ \- and sending him flying into the carriage wall.  _ Bang.  _ I guess that’s not a kill. Not to be outdone -also, I wanted to know who and what was happening, and how- I stayed close to the treeline until I reached one of the now devoid-of- _ daofei  _ flanks and took to approaching the carriage defenses. “Earth Emperor here!” I shouted, trying to attract their attention so they wouldn’t bolt me with crossbows or smash me with boulders. A head popped out from behind the rock wall, “It’s him, I think!” that pair of eyes said, thinking real hard about all this. So the small wall fell and I walked towards it. Back in Empress-versus-army land, Toph did her ten-finger finger-stab, smashing ten people in their chests. I’m sure those aren’t kills. Nope. That one man taking an earth pillar  _ to the skull _ .  _ Nope _ . 

There were also  _ daofei  _ running around from the other side of the circle, and a dozen or so of them decided that the man running around in a blue bathrobe was a worthy target. It was more than that, but a crossbow-wielder from inside stuck a bolt through one of these people’s necks. Two of his friends stopped to take care of him and two of his friends took, respectively, a small boulder and a crossbow bolt, to their heads. 

I could either try running towards the carriage wall or run  _ at  _ the scattered formation of the  _ daofei _ . I went for the latter because hearing Toph yell “I am not Toph, I am Melon Lord!” before punching someone into the sky with an earth pillar is  _ the  _ most inspiring of inspirations a man could ever hear. And it reminded me that, among other things, I  _ am  _ the One-Eyed Badgermole, not some cowardly court official.  _ Time for stupid _ . I side-stepped a spear-throwing soldier only to stab his shin with a slicing strike. Blocked a  _ dao  _ with a scabbard, “you don’t have a foot to stand on”, stabbed his foot, made him fall over in agonizing pain. Blocked a spear thrust, parried another, pommel-struck the former, punched the latter in the face.  _ Not honorable for a jian-wielder, I don’t care _ . 

Unlike folktale characters and duelists,  _ daofei  _ don’t care for being polite enough to wait one-at-a-time to attack. Nope. A couple of them, armed with non-ranged weapons, concluded to charge me. Things I had going for me included: they were scattered and had to group up, they weren’t led by an officer or platoon sergeant, they weren’t that armored, and I had assistance. The spear-wielders tried to keep their range -as intended- and hit me with the pointy end. The axe-wielders tried to hack me apart. As they attacked, I started blocking strikes. I blocked and blocked and went  _ forward _ with my strikes. I cut an axe-wielder's chest open,  _ no killing policy over,  _ and he collapsed. I tried cutting a spear-wielder’s chest open but she was wearing some kind of tunic. Punches work well. Others tried to flank me, but as aforementioned, I had some assistance. Crossbow bolts were sticking people in arms and backs. Aftering cutting the spear-wielder’s leg off, “apologies, my lady”, a few of them decided that death-by-tall-auburn-man was not how they wanted to go. So they routed. I grabbed one of the ones that remained and let her be my meat shield since, reminder, the  _ daofei  _ do have archers. She ate a few arrows for my bathrobe self, the enemy archers ate a few bolts, and fled away from this side of the fighting. Then I cast this woman aside to, momentarily, assess my surroundings.

At some point, some crazy young man came running. This sounds like a set up for a ‘it’s me’ joke, but no. My fighting inspired a young man with a topknot for a headpiece to run out from behind his carriage wall of protection. He was dressed like an official with a long, flowy, green robe accompanied by a small black and green headpiece to cover his topknot. And he carried a  _ dao  _ blade. “Your Majesty!” he called out to me, almost… excited. I was busy, you know, parrying some man who really badly wanted to interrupt my existence with his spear, and poking his face with my  _ jian  _ instead. Then he blocked a  _ dao  _ strike, blocked another  _ dao  _ strike, and it looked like he was having a bad time so  _ side-of-head? _ meet Piandao- _ jian _ . Turns out, most people don’t expect you to run your blade down their blade, or expect you to be able to actually block their first strike then quickly stab back. But I did just that. Blade lock, then a stab through his eye and out the back of his head. 

An aside, my heroics don’t matter, they never really do, because some misfortunate man was sent flying over our heads by a rock pillar. Then the Empress pushed the two of us out of her way, only to elbow-strike some poor  _ daofei  _ with earth armored elbows. And by poor I mean he was a criminal. The rest of the close-quarters-combat  _ daofei  _ saw the young teenage girl sending people flying with pillar-summoning foot taps, pillar-summoning finger-stabs, and sending people tumbling over themselves with chopping hand strikes, and collectively concluded to one, run away, or two, run away and surrender. _ But then they weren’t collectively concluding it were they? No, they were _ . Their faces all became  _ kind of  _ concerned and by  _ kind of  _ I mean terrified. So they ran away. Since while people might be stupid enough to charge me and my nonbending sword, nobody’s crazy enough to voluntarily attack someone who can send you into the next commandery with a fingerstab. 

Of course, Toph’s enjoyment of fighting didn’t cease. Not all of the  _ daofei  _ fled. The archer ones had the right idea, stop and hit the blind girl with arrows. Toph wasn’t stupid. She fell face-first into the ground and emerged clad in earth armor, again. They tried to hit her, but here’s the thing with hitting a woman covered in earth armor. You can’t. The arrows passively bounced off while she  _ took her time _ approaching them. She also gave the two of us an earth wall to hide -I mean heroically cower- behind for cover. So we cowered, I mean used our cover. From what we could glimpse, she slowly walked towards them like some kind of nightmarish unkillable folklore creature. If any of them were earthbenders, which a few were, they learned to get  _ split.  _ Split and flung into the trees with hand jabs. The archers, realizing their weapons ineffective, ran. “Nobody escapes the Melon Lord!” and the Empress’s voice boomed out of her earth armor. Then she stopped, hit the ground a few times, and hit any and all the archers with  _ large, flying, boulders _ . The ones in the trees weren’t safe, either. I like to imagine that, from their perspective, it was something of a horror tale you’d hear told in the taverns of the Lower Ring.

You and your friends just fought and were defeated by a walking mound of earth. It has no eye holes and yet it can kill. Everything you and your friends have thrown at it, it either blocks with earth walls or shrugs off without even acknowledging it. It booms a war cry of “I am Melon Lord!” as it sends people flying. With simple motions of it’s blocky limbs, your friends are crushed by flying boulders or hit in the face with earth pillars. And whereas other benders, your former allies, may only summon one or two projectiles at once, this object with its booming voice can summon ten. So your forces, formerly fifty people, are reduced to ten. Heads caved in, chests crushed, legs torn asunder, and this creature’s sustained no damage. 

You’re absolutely routed and choose to flee into the forest. You and your friends think you’re safe. The nightmarish creature walks slowly and takes it’s time. Then, suddenly, one of your allies behind you trips while another falls into a hole. Moments ago, the ground was flat. Now, it quivers and quakes. The creature is still coming. Trees are unrooted and start falling over. You leave some of your allies to die and run. You run as far as you can.

An earth spike comes out of the ground and goes right through one of your allies. One of your friend’s feet is ensnared by earth. Before you can save her, she is sucked into the ground. A row of spikes pop out of the ground, catching the last of your allies in the feet, legs, or maybe cutting right through them. It’s just you that’s left. You run. You run and run and run. Then you trip. The ground reached up to grab your foot. Your foot’s broken. If you’re lucky, the ground was so tight that it tore your foot off. So now you’re either clawing at the ground or crawling away. Then you’re struck through the chest with an earth spike. It only lasts a moment.

The  _ daofei  _ fled or dead, Toph punched both her hands at the ground and her earth armor fell off. Then, still in the hot-blooded tone of battle, she shouted “Kyoshi, do I have any bruises?” and her voice alone was enough to make this man kowtow out of respect. “Your Majesty…” he muttered in cowardly fielding while I strolled past him -and the now emerging convoy guards and soldiers- and looked down at the Empress. I gave her a once-over glance. She was sweaty and suffered some helmet hair, namely her hair falling all over the place. No bruises. “I have no idea. From what I  _ can  _ see, nothing.” She scoffed. “I  _ want  _ to have bruises” she sounded like a noblewoman’s daughter being frustrated for receiving the wrong type of pastry as opposed to being content with even having a pastry. Then again, bruises aren’t pastries. I, again, looked her over as best I could without asking her to move her arms or flex in any one particular direction, and it turns out that she did have bruises. On her elbows. “You have bruises on your elbows” I remarked, sounding like a bureaucrat. She jumped up and down gleefully going “woohoo!” and punching the air in self applause. This robe-wearing man -okay I’m also a robe wearing man but the One-Eyed Badgermole does not refer to himself in the third person- was kowtowing and muttering how ‘amazing’ it was to hear Toph’s voice. His soldiers, too. Toph walked up to the man lower than her -he was kowtowing- and asked the deeply humbled man “Do you have a place to make tea? I’d like to go back there” In a deeply humbled voice, “of course, Your Majesty, my private estate...just down the road.” Toph gave the earth a mighty stomp. “Is it a small cluster of walls that way?” and she pointed south-southeast, down the road. The man nodded and came to the amazed realization “How does Your Majesty know?” I addressed him for her. “Her eyes are her feet”  _ I could say that in my sleep _ . I received a shoulder punch for… something. “Why?” I asked the sweaty, sweaty Empress while grabbing the bottom of my robe. “Why not, Kyoshi? Your robes are good for this” and she proceeded to wipe her face down.  _ That’s not what I… oh forget it _ .

On our way there, I learned who this man was and got an appropriate amount of exposition from him. This man, named Tycho, was Lord, more on that in a moment, of Jinhui. Jinhui is a province comprising the three commanderies of Bianjing, Shigusi and Yankou with Yankou being the ‘capital’ of the region. Bianjing hugs the river that bears its name, Shigusi forms part of the southwestern border with Ba Sing Se and the large commandery of Yankou shares a border with the Serpent’s Junction in the south. Tycho was Lord of Jinhui in name only. One of the pieces of land, Bianjing, was not under his direct authority. Now, I’m sure one would wonder ‘but isn’t the Empire all under control of Ba Sing Se’ and to that...oh boy, to that, may I introduce one to the fun that is Magistrates fighting Magistrates. Imperial in-fighting. Squabbling over ambition. Squabbling over justified and unjustified reasons. Why the title Lord? He wasn’t a Duke and he wasn’t a mere Magistrate, for he controlled two magistrates -one of which was his personal domain- and as such someone at some point gave him the title of Lord of Jinhui. 

With a small procession of soldiers -turns out his private guards aren’t  _ that  _ bad when facing the worst of the worst,  _ daofei _ \- we arrived at this Tycho’s private estate. As he controlled more than one commandery, and also because he felt like it, he could afford to build a small  _ siheyuan  _ for his family to reside in. It was no Beifong Estate of Gaoling, but it was a somewhat adorable  _ -is that even the right word? No, it’s not. Humble- _ abode bearing an outer wall, some ponds beyond the structure itself, and a small amount of gold trim for the primary roof’s peak. As we were in the middle of plains -forested plains, but still plains- country, the two-story building stood out amidst a sea of grass and trees. The door guards noticed the Empress strolling up to them and kowtowed immediately. Then they remembered to open the doors.  _ A good idea. Good door guards.  _

The two of us entered, Toph first and me following her, and were greeted by a woman who could only be a few years older than us wearing nobles’ robes. She loudly proclaimed “Your Majesties! Ten Thousand Years! Welcome to our humble Estate of Tianqiao!” and followed this with the head bopping. Toph let ‘Ten Thousand Years’ of blessings last a few  _ miao _ . “Oh, get up already.” While the stunned attendants brought out tables and goblets and pitchers of tea and set it all up in an outdoor courtyard, I inquired as to who she was and what she did. The man that arrived shortly after us did  _ not  _ cut my inquiry of “Who are you?” off, instead choosing to remain quiet. “I am Misun, Lady of Jinhui, Your Majesty.” It didn’t take Sokka to figure out that a Lady is married to a Lord. “Aren’t you a bit...young to be a Lady?” The teenage Empress took to sitting down at the being-set-up table and picked her ears. “I’m twenty one, Your Majesty” she softly replied.  _ Yeah no you’re actually older than me _ . “And Lord Tycho?” “He’s twenty four, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s…but that’s larger than one might think.  _ Because the concept of marriage tends to strike a bit...close to me, I went on to ask “was this an arranged marriage?” because if it was, I’m  _ more  _ than happy to do the slicey slicey. My face demonstrated this intent well, I hope. The woman looked aghast, at first  _ shocked _ , as if my statement offended her. Then she looked at her husband, an amazed expression on her face. I heard him get on his knees and  _ bop _ the floor. “Forgive us, Your Majesty! We...fell in love...during the Yankou Uprising.”  _ Uprising? Against...whom?  _ “What uprising? Tell me all of it.” and my insistence earned Toph’s persistence of “And did you crack any heads?” which got  _ me  _ to laugh but the other two… blank. Maybe they don’t understand Toph’s humor, maybe it’s part of her being the Empress. I sat down next to Toph, the two of them sat down across from us. 

“When the Dragon came on his Ba Sing Se Offensive, one of his officers, named Jia, killed Gejun, my adopted father and the last Magistrate of Jinhui. While the Dragon tried to break into Ba Sing Se, us Jinhui plotted a rebellion. Unlike regions to the west, we’d never been conquered before. Jia had been left a two thousand-strong garrison. There were a hundred thousand people living in the three commanderies of Jinhui. While Jia sat in his town center in Tianqiao, I took what was left of Gejun’s court and plotted a rebellion headquartered out of the Linnan Woods. It was there that I met her” and he paused to let the young woman blush, “and it was there that we planned how we’d catch this Agni-worshipping bastard. The same day the Dragon broke the Outer Wall, ‘Governor’ Jia was riding from Tianqiao to Linnan to supervise how the assimilation of Linnan was going, first-hand. A thousand of the commandery’s best men and women joined me in an attack on his small procession. By nightfall, we sent his head in a grain sack to the Dragon. On the walls of Tianqiao, our scrawlings of ‘Yankou stands forever!’ still remain, years later. The day the Ashmaker flag was lowered from atop the Tianqiao town center, the two of us decided to get married. She’s the smart one, I’m the head-breaker!” and she giggled at that joke. Then he kowtowed. I looked at Toph -what, are you expecting her to  _ look  _ back?- and concluded that while, personally, I can’t understand why a teenager would want to marry, they have a bond forged by the anvil of war. Or something flowery and poetic like that. Besides, they’re actually my seniors in age and we’re all Toph’s seniors and yet we all pay our respects to her. Speaking of the Empress, she took a sip of the tea and nodded, “this is pretty good stuff.”  _ Isn’t all tea just...hot leaf water?  _ So says the Emperor who drinks tea more often than he’d admit. The difference is when there’s  _ anything  _ else, I take anything else. 

I took to drinking some tea, as well, since if the Empress is doing it I might as well copy her because something something unified fronts and also because it’s the law. We held a toast, toasted the Empress, the Empire, ‘Ten Thousand Years!’, and might’ve even toasted each other except Toph cut us off with “Just get to drinking.” While sipping tea, my mind wandered to earlier events from the same day. I asked “Why was your convoy attacked?” since the only reason we even ended up here was because Toph felt like joining a random engagement in the name of... _fun_? _Something to do?_ _It gets the blood pumping and makes everyone sweaty?_ I’m the one with almost-got-stabbed syndrome, she ran around in earth armor tossing people into things that people shouldn’t be tossed into. “The Magistrate of Bianjing, Wuge, has hired _daofei_ to get rid of me. He feels threatened by my…” he paused to look at his Lady, “Misun, what would you say it is?” She smiled and softly mused “the Lord of Jinhui opposed the Fire Nation, Wuge was willing to collaborate.” Toph quietly whispered that they were telling the truth, which preemptively resolved my inquiry on their legitimacy. _This is why we bring along the truth-teller. She solves crises before they become crises_. Curious, but _not_ interested in joining some campaign, I formally asked “and what is the Lord of Jinhui doing about this?” He looked down at the ground, then back at me, “I don’t want to invade his land, that’s Empire land and his peasants are Imperials, Your Majesty.” _So...you actually care about the people in your service? That makes you better than many._ I thought he’d look at Her Imperial Majesty, but...he didn’t. “Your Majesty, is there any assistance you can provide to us?” he asked _me_. Me. Not Toph. Then I thought of why. _Because I’m the Empress’s Speaker in many parts_. _That’s why_. So I leaned into Toph’s ear and “What do you…” but cut myself off because something inside me reminded me what proper procedure is, so I got up, turned around upon facing her, and kowtowed. “What does Your Majesty want to do?” She laughed at the performance. “I’m all for bringing a fist down on this Wuge guy” Toph stated in very Toph and direct fashion. While she spoke highly of beating up someone I barely knew, I had more questions. “Your Majesty, are we going to let this man remain a Lord?” and the way I asked that question… I imagine the couple behind me shivered. After all, being a Lord is a particularly powerful rank. She decreed “Sure. As long as he knows who the Empress is” with that arrogant tone that exudes power and control. The pair got on their knees and kowtowed, thanking Her Imperial Majesty. Multiple times. Something inside Toph enjoys all the ‘everyone thanking her’, and that’s why she doesn’t interrupt them. Or maybe because she was drinking tea. 

I don’t know much  _ of  _ this individual. But Yankou’s a pretty safe commandery on the scale of commanderies and safety. And it’s one of the more important pieces of land to maintain centralized power over, as it borders the Junction and the Outer Wall and, in the wrong hands, could grant  _ daofei  _ or raiders or Tribals access to our Walls and if not our Walls then the main trade artery of our lands. And considering his genuine loyalty -he  _ is  _ kowtowing constantly and following traditions- assuming I had any say in this I’d be willing to let him keep his land. But Lord? Controller of commanderies? I guess we’d have to assess his skills as an administrator before coming to such… hastened conclusions. Of course, there was a very large… issue that Toph and I had forgotten about. We forgot about it because we had a chance to go back to the old ‘us’, a pair of individuals on the road, getting into fights with groups of people. And that issue -correction, issues- came crashing through the doors of the Tianqiao Estate. 

Dai Li that elegantly ascended the walls before falling into the courtyard, the Imperial Guard physically  _ kicking  _ down the door, blades drawn, not to mention the distant  _ roar  _ of Lord Qiangyang. While Toph sipped her tea, she wasn’t that bothered, I got up and shouted at the pairs of Dai Li sliding towards me. “What’s the meaning of all this?” “We believed Her Imperial Majesty to be kidnapped, Your Majesty!” one of these agents stated.  _ What?  _ “Why would...how would Her Imperial Majesty be kidnapped?” I asked, quite shocked that such a statement was uttered and existence. The Dai Li didn’t answer me, instead forming a circle around Toph and pointing their rock gloves at the absolutely innocent Lord and Lady of Yankou. One of these agents had the voice of the Captain of the Dai Li, the very same man that accompanied us on  _ wasn’t-actually-our train _ from Gaoling to Minquan. 

“And  _ you’re  _ under arrest!” the Captain barked, grabbing the Lord of Yankou with his rock gloves.  _ Arrest.  _ The way he said that, the motions he made, it reminded me of... _ it’s only been a few days _ . Something unsettling inside me that shivered. I took to defending the man I barely knew. “What did the Lord of Yankou do? He served us tea.” Even  _ if  _ he was somehow a liar -which Toph’s detection skills would’ve picked up- he was a good host. And good hosts get credit for that, if nothing else. The Captain spun around and tipped his hat back, looking me in the eye. “Quiet, you, this was  _ not  _ approved!” he said with fury.  _ You? I am not a ‘you’. I am the Earth Emperor!  _ “Don’t you ‘you’ me! I was here” I dared to stand back up to him. “And  _ you  _ were last seen running off with the Empress!” he responded, and suddenly I felt many eyes look at me from many directions. Toph,  _ finally _ , got out of her chair. “I ran off with him. Yes. I did that. So?” and her skeptical tone was no match for his insistence. “This man ran off with Your Majesty! That’s a crime punishable by-” but he was interrupted by Toph and her walking in front of me and ‘looking’  _ up  _ at him. “Will you please stop using your mouth-hole? Yes, I ran off with my Consort. Who cares. He’s not punishable by anything! If I didn’t want him to come I wouldn’t let him come!”  _ Thank you Toph. Thank you. Thank you.  _ I got on my knees to thank her _.  _ The Captain of the Dai Li, a man of usually neutral stone-faced composure, for but a single  _ miao _ , looked worried and or scared that maybe he’d be sent into the next commandery. “But Your Majesty, he did not request-” Toph put her hands on her hips and loudly yelled “Say another word and I’m feeding you to Lord Qiangyang!” Now  _ that  _ made him stop. And it made the other Dai Li stop their watching-without-watching. Except, that cold feeling on the back of my neck didn’t leave. “Thank you…” I barely managed to say. She walked past me and up to the pair of agents detaining the Lord Of Yankou. She tapped his lock, it turned to dust, and let the Lord of Yankou return to his weeping wife. “You...monsters! You invade our home, break out stuff, and tell  _ us  _ that we-” but she said one too many of the wrong things and got  _ bonked  _ in the head by a rock glove. “ _ She’s  _ under arrest!” the now returning-to-cold Captain declared. “No, she isn’t” Toph countered, quite willing to start a shout-off, and with a single palm thrust, she sent the Captain flying backwards. In her Empress voice, she ordered “In the name of me, nobody’s being arrested!” and, worried about also dying, the Dai Li bowed.  _ This is… exactly that terror, though.  _

_ ‘You invade our home, break our stuff’,  _ such are words that  _ feel  _ like they were a dream, but would have also been reality. I should never, ever, forget that beneath the cold faces, rock gloves, and singing, that these people will, as casually as I would fight a  _ daofei _ , enact justice as according to...something. And there was something...deeper about this. This Captain didn’t care for who I was and that...that brought back memories that  _ were  _ memories, again, probably of some rogue agent, disregarding whatever ranks I earned -I did not buy them, I did not consummate my way into them, I bled for them- and treating me like a prisoner.

“Kyoshi, you’re with me!” Toph ordered, walking up to and grabbing me and walking out. “As you-r Majesty wishes!” I made sure to yell at the top of my capacity. All these Dai Li standing around us... _ any of you...could be part of that group of rogue agents. Or none of you. Or you know those rogue agents.  _ And...I...something was telling me I must address Toph as her rank claimed, no matter the year and a half of ‘us’ we’ve shared. It was something that outright threatened the mere concept of the two of us. Something deep down, again, unsure if a memory or if real, was telling me  _ ‘you are just an insolent peasant, she is the Empress, and you got lucky’ _ and it made me feel quite faint. So, sure, Toph grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the estate, the Lord following us and the Lady freed of crimes she never committed, but I still felt light-headed. The Imperial Guard, their column perfect, split and kowtowed properly for us, I mean...her. “Are we going to the River Palace?” I asked, my footing threatening to go. “Sure.” and she stopped her dragging to turn around and commanded “Invite the Lord of Jinhui, too!” and someone somewhere repeated the command. I looked backwards and saw the Dai Li easily sliding across the ground. I knew they were watching me. I couldn’t place why, either because they thought I did something that is so against who I am as a person it belongs in a parody, or because they are just doing their usual security detail. But...something about those eyeless looks...it was too much. And whereas Her Imperial Majesty’s eyeless gaze looks intimidating and is actually quite soft and comforting, the Dai Li...lack that. The closest I saw to that was the Commander for the few moments he actually interacted with his wife. His eyes stopped breaking me into pieces and instead had an element of ‘compassion’ to them. But they still looked right  _ through  _ me, just as Toph’s blind gaze can do to her foes. Except the Dai Li have this… as a group. Even when they don’t look, I know they’re watching. And watching. Waiting for me to fail.  _ Some rogue agent was waiting. _ They were waiting for me to do something incorrect... _ and I can’t tell Toph. They’ll find a puppet who’ll listen to them. I can’t tell her. I can’t tell her.  _ As a result, I fainted.

Where did I expect to wake up? I have no idea, I was asleep. With that in mind, I didn’t think I’d wake up lying underneath some kind of large silk canopy. To my side, a sand-based model of the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se. Working -if by working, one can stomp the ground- on such a project was the Empress. Actually, it wasn’t to my side. It was underneath me. I sat up, something was toppled over, and to that I heard a yell of “You knocked over the Imperial Palace!”  _ Now that’s not something you hear every day _ . So I  _ stood _ , accidentally trampling whatever remained of that part of the model, and found myself standing -originally laying- atop the Central Axis Road. And when I got up, one of my feet fell upon the sand walls of our massive house like some kind of meteor. I tried my best to walk, I had to step  _ over  _ the models of the government buildings, putting my feet down in the more rural sections of the Upper Ring, before eventually trying not to knee a section of the innermost wall and escaping. 

Turns out, some attendant brought out a large silk canopy to cover the Empress while she worked -really hard, and by really hard I mean she slammed her foot into the ground and repaired all the damage- because I guess the Sun’s...evil? And she worked, and worked, twists of her feet giving finer and finer additions to the  _ city  _ that she was building a matched replica of. A ‘pond’ instead of a blank piece of land. A few figures walking down a road. In the Outer Courtyard, a few heel turns created an entire army on parade. Walking down the main pathway through the Palace Grounds, a replica of Lord Qiangyang. Looking elsewhere in the city, figures crouch on rooftops while others sit on their porches and balconies drinking tea. Of course, my good eye was attracted to the large arrow  _ -thank you for building a large arrow sign-  _ pointing at some figure engaged in...a slapping contest? “Is this a slapping contest?” I asked, leaning in to examine it. “No, that’s you ‘heroically’ dueling someone.”  _ I don’t slap people.  _ Oh… Oh.  _ That’s a sword, not an extension of my arm. Actually my jian is an extension of my arm but metaphorically _ . “I’m dueling someone?” “Yep.” All of this… was amazing. So much detail. Things nobody would ever think of including and yet Toph did. Like a certain old man pouring tea to a patron in a famous Upper Ring teashop. Or a street vendor selling his foodstuffs one block over from the main road. Or what appeared to be an ostrich horse race out in the fields, with a track set up for them to run around and everything. Or an artillery truck in the process of launching, the ground underneath it cracked from the intensity of it’s shells. “How did you build all this? I thought this sand was too muddy?” and I looked around. “ _ That  _ sand is-” and she pointed towards the river, “-but this sand isn’t” and I realized where we were. We were far up the beach and not near the entrance from the beginning of the day. “And this is all how you see the world, isn’t it? A thousand things going on simultaneously, a world where everything is the same color, a world where you can stand on top of your gigantic staircase and somehow know exactly who I am slapping where.” She didn’t reply, opting for a nod instead. I replied to her nod. “It’s so...odd.” and I reached down and grabbed one of these figures, accidentally breaking his legs off. “This man...his conical hat...and to the rest of us he wears black and green. To the rest of us, he’s invisible. But to you?” and I stopped myself to let her finish the sentence. “If he’s touching stone and I’m touching stone and I’m near him, yup.”  _ It’s such a peculiar way to view the world _ . I looked at the roof of the Imperial Palace. The gold is absent, instead this looks like an oversized hut. “You’ll never know how our house looks when the sunlight shines on its roof” but my existential remark was cut off by “I can  _ feel  _ it’s big” and a surprising lack of a euphemism. “I wouldn’t trade colors for anything” I continued my existential tangent, only for Toph to knock it out of the sky with “and that’s your problem. Because I wouldn’t trade  _ this  _ for anything.” and she tapped the ground with her foot,  _ once _ , and buried the model in the sand. My jaw dropped.  _ Titles… titles… titles…  _ “Your Majesty, that was a beautiful replica” I stated, suddenly reminded that I have to kowtow while speaking. “Can’t beat the real thing.” She grinned at her accomplishment.  _ That is true. That’s your house.  _ “It’s true, the Imperial Palace  _ is  _ your house. It’s quite pretty.” “You know it!” and I expected a shoulder punch or something. Instead, I took a shove to the chest. “ _ That _ -” the Empress put her foot on my chest, “-is for knocking down the Imperial Palace.” Then she took her foot off. 

I opted to go inside, I desired refreshments and also not slowly sweating through these Kyoshi Island-style Informal Robes. As I got up to do that, I felt this instinct to look over at the bead-door, and look inwards at the dark expanse that  _ was  _ this Summer Palace. Something in the darkness, I couldn’t tell if there was actually  _ something  _ or if this was a figment of my stressed imagination, but something reminded me, again, who I was and what my place was. So I kowtowed and asked, “May I go inside for refreshments?” Now, because nothing has changed about Toph, she’s still who she is, she responded, content, with “Sure, make sure to bring something tasty out for me, too.” So I rose and set off the twenty or so paces across awning-covered sand before reaching the doors of this facility. 

I walked in, as quiet as a spider-rat, and heard the  _ ceiling _ in a conversation with itself. The ceiling. “No, I’m telling  _ you _ , Da-Wa’s got this season in the trap” some young man stated, sounding quite annoyed at, well, the ceiling. “No they don’t, Liuxiayu beat them ten-nine” a different voice replied. “And Chan’s goal record has yet to be broken” the Da-Wa voucher vouched.  _ Who is Chan? What record? What is this?  _ “And? Wasn’t he arrested?” the second person asked. “No, that's Chan, left-defender for Nanshi,” a third voice joined this ceiling conversation. A  _ fourth _ voice, loudly, yelled “His Imperial Majesty’s here! Quick! Act natural!” and so I acted natural. This felt like something I imagined.  _ Why...why are there people in my ceiling discussing earthball? I...I mean I know why. But… it’s so random. They’re… rogue agents can discuss earthball?  _ I waved over some attendants. 

While they brought out plates of meats and refreshments and other such lunches, I asked the ceiling “Where’s this Lord Tycho?” The ceiling, being a ceiling, told me “nobody’s up here!”. So I nodded. If the ceiling doesn’t exist,  _ no wait,  _ if the ceiling people don’t exist, then nobody would be able to answer the following: “Assuming there  _ was  _ someone up there, where’s Lord Tycho?”. But, because there  _ were  _ people up there, the ceiling told me that “assuming we were up here, Lord Tycho would be over in the nearest guest house.” I blinked, because... _ right, the ceiling just spoke to me… right. Of course it did. I’m not losing my mind, right?,  _ and I ran out the other doors and looked for the one habited structure amidst this sea of desolate facilities meant to only be used by one person and her family. It wasn’t that hard to find them, it  _ was  _ the one structure with non-Imperial Guards standing outside the front -since everywhere else had pairs of Imperial Guards silently watching me- and these guards did recognize me. One of the guards went inside and summoned the master of two commanderies for me. 

He walked out, dressed in his finest official’s robes, and with two of his guards as escorts. Attendants, to whom all of this is nearly instinctive, brought out a table, chairs, goblets and pitchers for us to use. Drinks were poured and the two of us held our drinks high, toasting to the young Empress as she played in the sands but a hundred feet away from us. “To the Empress! To the Empire! Ten Thousand Years!”  _ clink _ . Whatever we were drinking tasted like wine. I wasn’t going to complain. I summoned Tycho in the name of unifying the Empire’s lands. 

“Say we remove this Wuge from power, what could you then provide?” I asked over more of this awful, but diplomatically appropriate, grape wine. “I have already given my quota of ten thousand men to the Army of the Center, Your Majesty. Yankou’s crops and Shigusi’s wood get sent up to Ba Sing Se. Our ships patrol the West Lake. What else can we possibly give?” I heard the hint of desperation in his voice. He wasn’t lying. The Empire’s fed by hundreds of people like Tycho and what they provide to us through nothing more than loyalty to a golden chair and the young woman -who we just toasted a long life to- who rests upon that chair.  _ Let’s see. You’ve already given us your minimum requirement, what else could you do for us?  _

_ First, let’s toss the bait into the water _ . “Would you desire the lands of Bianjing, my Lord?” I asked, sipping down a refilled glass. “I...I serve Your Majesties. I do not desire any additional lands.”  _ How very neutral. You don’t desire things. I’m tossing the bait back in _ . “What if we removed Wuge and gave you the commandery?” He let out a thin smile and humbly replied “Then I would suggest a better administrator to rule the lands. Bianjing is not my homeland, it’s people are not mine.”  _ Oh? You want to rule your homeland? Let’s try something...else. If a large amount of bait does not work, perhaps remind these officials who grants them power _ . Taking another sip, “Give me a single  _ dian _ , my Lord. If you want to rule your homeland, I’ll strip you of your self-proclaimed Lordship and make you Magistrate of Yankou. If you  _ really  _ want to rule your homeland, then I could opt to make you Mayor of Tianqiao.” This man surprised me. Others would be terrified. Others would lose their formal composure and cry of tyranny or attempt to brag. Tycho? He put his drink down, got out of his chair, and kowtowed. “Then that is Your Majesties’ decision.” Was I actually going to take his ranks? I have the Imperial Seal in my robes, or it’s little twin brother, the pocket-sized seal, but what was the point? Usually a threat works on those who are against you. Not those who are  _ this  _ subservient. As such, I did what I thought was appropriate, and let out a hearty chuckle. “Why would either of us take away someone so loyal’s ranks?” While doing that, I helped him up, “Rise” and he went back to the table. “Because the Mandate of the Spirits willed it” he argued.  _ I’m sorry. Did you just say the Mandate of the Spirits willed it? Yes, you did _ . “Her Imperial Majesty is not present” I countered. “That is correct, Your Majesty, but the Mandate is ever present. It is the Mandate’s will whether what I have done is right or wrong.”  _ And you’re a person. If you’re a good administrator, which you sound like you are and the standard’s pretty low, then you’ll be rewarded _ . So what was he talking about? Why, he wasn’t being literal. The Mandate of the Spirits.

No, not Toph. She’s a human being. She’s a person. This man believes as what  _ most  _ of the loyal -key note, loyal- citizens of the Earth Empire believe in one facet or another. That the Spirits -their limits and what constitutes a spirit is quite variable- have choices for the matters of the Four Nations, and all of us have a part to play in these choices. It is why Her Imperial Majesty was given the title of being the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits. She doesn’t actually wield their choices, she’s the vessel by which they... _ okay I think I need a whiskey for this _ ...she’s the vessel by which the Spirits commune with... _ no I actually need a whiskey, where’s my spirit-forsake whiskey? _ ...long story short, these people think she’s some kind of Avatar without the Avatar powers. Instead of being possessed by a Spirit, a reincarnating Spirit, it’s nature and whether or not this Spirit has a sense of morality is unknown, the Spirits ‘chose’ Toph to be akin to a steward of a forest. The Spirits apparently chose Toph because she’s a just individual and a fair ruler who cares for the masses. How they picked a teenage girl who will never read or write, and also the fact said girl just  _ happened  _ to be in Ba Sing Se when the other hundred-odd contenders for the Throne got roasted and toasted...no, that’s all convenience. It’s pure coincidence, or as the mythology these people believe, it was the will of the Spirits all along. It’s impossible that Toph was picked because Azula wanted an ‘independant’ Earth Kingdom led by someone Azula believed would make a terrible ruler. And Toph happened to be a scion. That Kingdom would then collapse under its own weight. If occupied, then the people would unify to throw the occupiers out. If ruled by someone Azula deemed incompetent, it’d fail of it’s own volition.  _ No, no, it’s the Spirits’ doing _ . So to the Spirits, if true, I beg the following statement. You’re all a bunch of jerks, you know that? Letting so many people be killed so the Mandate can choose Toph, a young woman who doesn’t deserve all the challenges of ruling, that’s not fair. That’s tyrannical. With that statement out of the way, any aggravated Spirits are free to cast blizzards, or lightning bolts, or the Avatar, down upon me for insulting their high and mighty selves. 

There’s a kind of circular relationship to this ‘Mandate’. Toph is a populist and loves the peasants. She fights for them. She thanks them. They fuel the Mandate’s concept. If enough people think, let’s say, Toph, wields the Mandate, those people will follow her every command and will treat her as a goddess. If they treat her as a goddess and she’s coddled, then she becomes detached from the population. If she becomes detached from the population, then the people might decide to find a more down-to-earth person to rule over them. If they find a populist ruler and he succeeds, then they will say he wields the Mandate. Such is the nature of the Kingdom of Ten Thousand Years. 

Back to the worshipping part of this, this Tycho would fall into one of the more fanatical of the bunch. This is probably because he fought a campaign against the Fire Nation, a campaign that barely won and required the assistance of the likes of Song and Long Feng to ensure Iroh’s defeat, not that he’d ever know that. So to him, he won because the Spirits or the Mandate or Kuei or someone important was on their side. The first option is the most believable -there  _ are  _ Spirits of trees and rocks and mountains and grasslands and specific forests and coasts and celestial objects- the second option doesn’t make that much sense and the third option? Yes, the Fifty Second Earth King  _ definitely, certainly, of course,  _ cared about some commandery that he’s never heard of. The same King who never left his Palace until a dragon showed up. Alas, I worship my sevenfold great grandmother for guidance so this isn’t as far fetched as, say, worshipping the rising Moon because you’re afraid of the Dragon Lords or the Empire of the Sun or whoever those Minquaners feared. In conclusion, how do I know this man is honest? Those beyond the conspiring walls of Ba Sing Se tend to be more honest and rooted in their element, and in a land with as many rebellions and wars as this, sometimes it’s a belief in a higher more centralized power that keeps the people together. The uneducated smelly unwavering farmers. Uneducated; save the nobility, unbathed; save the Court, unwavering; save all those hundreds upon thousands who rout upon the first skirmishes of a battle and immensely loyal; except when they aren’t. 

What did I do? What was I supposed to do? Tell this man the two of us,  _ no wait I’m so sorry,  _ the three of us,  _ the adorably lovable Lord Qiangyang is always included,  _ are going to march northwest and find one man and kick him into the river that bears his homeland’s name? What kind of ruler goes out of their way to personally see such things get done? “Your Majesty! A request from Lord Tycho!” I asked -through a yell- while kowtowing. “Oh, spill it already” the  _ bored  _ tone of the woman building a pitched battlefield stated. “He requests I-”  _ I can’t say ‘her,’ she’s the Empress… _ “-go northwest to Bianjing, find this Magistrate Wuge, and kick him into a river.” Toph’s bored expression, almost like assembling a battlefield was uninteresting, changed into one of a small smile. “That’s a great idea! Let’s do it!” and she walked past me, earning the entirety of the Imperial Guard to turn around and watch me, look past me, and watch her as she walked inside. 

“Your Majesty, Bianjing could harbor  _ daofei _ ! Perhaps wait for the Imperial-” the Captain of the Dai Li did not expect her to walk right past him and drag me with her courtesy rock glove. He also did not expect Toph to call her favorite friend over and for said badgermole to whack his legs out from under him with a tail swipe. “Sorry! He’s eager to get head-smashing!” Toph declared while earth-pillaring herself onto him. She gave him a head scratch and he roared in thanks.  _ We’re all eager to go head-smashing. As eager as Prince Sokka is to get lost in a clothing cabinet _ . Speaking of the most level-headed, maturest -of the three- member of the Avatar and his companions, we had to come up with a war plan. Or...a ‘how do we get rid of Wuge’ battle plan. And upon attempting to ask Her Imperial Majesty  _ how  _ we’d get rid of this Wuge person, what was I told? “All questions are to be answered by Lord Qiangyang, I’m too busy getting ready to toss people into things!” “May I climb on-” I was going to say ‘Your Majesty’ but she cut me off with “Sure! First, Lord Qiangyang needs to approve” and Lord Qiangyang, to nobody’s surprise, slathered me with badgermole tongue. I felt like I needed a shower, but instead climbed up the lowered paw of Lord Qiangyang and sat down behind Toph. “Let’s get to killing some people we don’t like!” the Empress declared.  _ Well at least you’re direct.  _ Speaking of direct, by the time the Sun was done scorching our necks -and  _ no,  _ the Imperial Guard can’t casually walk and catch up to us. Either they casually stroll along or they run after us- we reached a completely different piece of land -the sign said so- called Bianjing. 

While we could progress along at a satisfactory stroll, other ‘parts’ of our entourage were far more shadowy -which is great in the middle of plains country where there’s nothing to hide behind- and fast -which is also great in the middle of plains country where there’s nothing to stop you- and as such could precede our expected arrival at the town-temple of Xinzhuan. So quick were they that they managed to track down Magistrate Wuge to his homestead southeast of the town of Xinzhuan. The Captain of the Dai Li, and his battalion of fancy conical hats, ‘warned’ us that he was ‘guarded’ by people with spears. How threatening. Next thing you know, someone will tell me that people with spears can  _ thrust  _ those spears. As such, it should come as no surprise that Toph’s immediate reaction was “Great! Let’s get slamming!” and ordering, actually politely asking, “Qiang, will you please march on ahead? We’ve got traitors for you to slice!” Lord Qiangyang roared in happiness and agreed to march up to the metaphorical gates of this homestead. There weren’t any gates, we just walked along the road until we found a  _ siheyuan  _ surrounded by men with pitched earth tents. 

I jumped off the protective, boulder-proof Lord Qiangyang to give the formal declaration of how awesome Toph is. Her words, not mine. Now, my words, not hers: “In the name of Her Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Empress, the Lady of Gaoling, the Blind Bandit, Daughter of the Spirits, the Liberator of Ba Sing Se, the Reformer, the Inventor of Metalbending, Slayer of Fire Lord Ozai, Winner of Earth Rumble Five and Seven, Rider of Badgermoles, the Victor of the Hundred Year War-” but I was cut off by her badgermole striking the ground with his talons and his rider chastising me. “Yes, yes, I’m that awesome!” _Again, her words, not mine_. “Ladies first?” I offered, looking up at the woman who was certainly not going to look back down at me. “How _sweet_ of you.” she replied, absolutely humbled by my statement. So humbled that she yelled “Qiang! Destroy these earth tents!” and her companion took to turning these people’s houses into tombs. With earth swipes.

Sure, some of these  _ daofei  _ looking fellows could throw boulders at us, but one, they kept tossing them at the badgermole and not the fragile auburn haired man and two, they kept trying to toss a boulder at a person who headbutts boulders before breakfast. They were going to be in for a,  _ I got this _ , rockin’ time. The mighty badgermole did not care for such things as pitched battles. No, he pressed his palms to the side -as he would normally do to move forward- but this time brought up earth walls which then combined with rows of earth tents, flattening many and raining debris on others. I don’t know if the people  _ inside  _ those tents were innocent but there’s approximately a hundred million of us so I’m sure we can make do. Earthbenders, being rock-of-head, formed lines to try and counter his attacks. They picked up boulders, they launched pillars, they tried to form fissures, but it the badgermole kept reinforcing the ground beneath him as he moved. Good thing I came to the sudden realization -war tends to do that- to  _ maybe  _ hop on and as such I held on to him by his tail, getting swung this way and that while a teenage monarch cheered at her companion’s success. With all the earthbenders being turned into earth paste, out came the ‘danger’ the Captain of the Dai Li was warning about; spearmen. Lots of spearmen. “Toph! People with pointy sticks!” “ _ Fine _ ”  _ Hey, don’t you start sounding like Mai. This is not boring.  _ Correction, it's boring for her. As she jumped off, the spearmen decided to surround us -the ones that weren’t getting their necks insta-snapped by rock gloves that is- and  _ that’s  _ when they found me hanging onto Lord Qiangyang’s tail. For once, I saw them coming,  _ thank you for charging me from the left _ , and jumped off. There were some twenty of them at a glance and one of me. So, I’m dead, right? 

_ Swing _ . A quite large tail, attached to an equally large animal, swung at the men. Part of that swing hit me in the back of my knees and made me tumble backwards and,  _ great, thank you _ , get a great view of the scattered clouds and blue skies. But it also knocked  _ them  _ down. So we got to have a race to get back up. Would the one man or the twenty other men get up at the same time? Hint, I attended  _ some  _ classes on Kyoshi Island. They attended some classes in...somewhere with  _ daofei  _ in the name. Probably. I grab my blade and used it like a proper two-hander, holding it in the regular guard stance. But the  _ daofei  _ are...not as smart. Or maybe not as dumb. They turned around and ran away. They had no reason to, Lord Qiangyang was busy smashing his face into a building wall and Toph was ice-skating on earth with earth-boots, playing a game of earth-skate with the Dai Li. So these  _ daofei  _ run away from me and through the collapsed tents of their residences. Do they make left or right turns? Do they think? Of course. When Lord Qiangyang summoned a large earth pillar to drop on them, instead of trying to outrun the giant pillar, they dived out of the way. The  _ daofei  _ also ducked left and right to avoid the Imperial Guard and their javelin practice. Only an idiot would either, one, try to outrun a falling earth pillar. Or two, try to run in a straight line away from someone with a ranged implement of any kind. Even  _ daofei  _ are smart enough to know that. That said, there were Imperial Guard everywhere. The gilded men took to playing target practice with the  _ daofei  _ while I found Lord Qiangyang and his ‘me-versus-house’ headbutting, which wasn’t that hard considering the size. Were there bad people inside the house? Why not. Do we attack  _ good  _ people inside houses? 

“Dai Li open up!”  _ Do you need to shout that?  _ The Dai Li pair blasted the door down with earth pillars. The two young men and their powerful lungs skated inside and...stopped. I ran in after them, almost impaling the right one because,  _ don’t stop so soon you madman _ , and quickly understood why they were stopping. Some man was sitting at his table, playing Pai Sho, with a different older man. “Excuse me, are either of you Wuge?” one of the Dai Li asked. “I’m him!” the proud younger of the two declared. Then he took a rock glove to the neck and was dragged past me and out the door. “I wanted to finish the Pai Sho game first!” the older of the two said, annoyed.  _ I really, really, don’t care. Sorry.  _ “Sorry about that” I apologized for the Dai Li. The pair of players were halfway to forming some kind of flower gambit,  _ there’s so many in Pai Sho, though.  _ I didn’t have enough time to tell which flower, the man kicked the table at me and ran for it. A pair of Dai Li, also shouting “Dai Li, open up!” grabbed him and made him levitate with rock gloves.

Me, alone, inside some house I don’t know. I opened another door and find some rag-wearing man brandishing a  _ dao _ . “Are you  _ daofei _ ?” “Hmph.”  _ What? _ “Death it is” I concluded. He swung the dao, one block, one  _ stab _ , no more  _ daofei _ . I ran through this kitchen-like kitchen before going out the backdoor and encountering Toph...being Toph. She was standing in the middle of a self-made earth ring, daring people forward. And all these spear-wielding men were shaking in terror. “Kyoshi!” she said, excited to meet me again, or something, and yelled “Alright girls, playtime’s over!”. She stomped the ground, splayed her palms, and sent the lot of them flying into nine different commanderies and one lake.  _ Ouch for all of you _ . 

Out in the front, this Wuge confessed -thanks truth telling Toph- to hiring  _ daofei  _ to raid Tycho’s personal caravan for ambitious reasons. He was sentenced to imprisonment and we’ll find out more...back in Ba Sing Se.

Tycho would retain his current. We don’t hand out Governorships just because you happen to be honest. We hand them out to people who earned them. What this does prove is that we need to reexamine our Magistrates pool.

If only there was some way to replace the Magistrates with a meritocratic system that rewarded competency. If we could remove it, for instance, with officials who were entirely loyal to us and lacked any personal ambition because they aren’t nobles.  _ Like peasants _ .

It happens to be that I know a man who may know of such a system.

But he has other tasks for me, first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for Stumbled-into-Ambush Folks:  
> -Nothing like a battle to give Mori some lucidity. To remind him who he is.  
> -Mori's 'folktale' comment is a reference, within universe, to how all the folktales he reads have the hero face off against his opponents one at a time. It just proves that the people writing the folktales have no idea how battles work.  
> -Yes, Toph still has the alter-ego of Melon Lord. It's saved for some battles. Usually the ones where she's doing all the fighting, and killing.  
> -One could ask "Why don't Mori and Toph fight back to back like a proper battle couple." One of them is a nonbender. One of them is a master earthbender. It wouldn't work. They still get their fair share of fighting.  
> -I don't like writing from multiple POVs, but I liked the idea of having Mori write what he thinks the escaping people would've thought.  
> -Obviously, the horror story is an homage to The Predator and other such 'humans are the prey' works of media. If people like it, I could write a whole homage starring Toph as the hunter and some daofei as the prey.  
> -Imperial Informal Robes are good moisture absorbents.  
> -Mori -and Toph- have raw nerves over marriages. You can thank Lao Beifong for that.  
> -Yes, the Dai Li told Mori off. As the rogue agent said, the Dai Li don't need to listen to the Emperor.  
> -The effects from Lake Laogai haven't worn off. Even after they have, he'll still never look at the Dai Li the same way.  
> -The Dai Li were discussing earthball. Each neighborhood and District has their own distinct teams. If there's an interest, I'll write a one-shot about earthball teams.  
> -The Dai Li may have traumatized Mori, but the Dai Li agents' personalities haven't changed. They're still human beings. There's no reason they would change. The world doesn't revolve around Mori.  
> -Mori cites that it's 'unknown' if the Avatar's Spirit has any morality. That is because, from someone who isn't the Avatar looking at the Avatar's history, past Avatars have been quite selfish and some have been outright terrible at their duties.  
> -The peasant officials reform suggestion is brought up once again.


	47. The Pacifist’s Call to Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empress wants to duel the Avatar...  
> ...the Avatar wants to talk about embassies...  
> ...and the Emperor wants no part in it.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen:

I was having a wonderful sleep, as my sleep often is, when someone decided to bang on our door. This made me open my good eye and look around, as best as I could. My slight shuffling to look around earned Her Imperial Majesty’s inquiry of “What’s going on?” while she in turn moved around to readjust her sleeping position. Long undone queue hair and a blanket are quite comfortable, or so she’s murmured. There are few things that deserve  _ waking up  _ Her Imperial Majesty for. Most issues have Ministries to deal with them,  _ ha _ , or the Army.  _ Ha.  _ Or the Dai Li. “What’s the matter?” I shouted. You know what Her Imperial Majesty does  _ not  _ want to hear, ever? “The Avatar has arrived in the Outer Courtyard, Your Majesties!”  _ Ow. Did I even earn that chest-headbutt?  _ “What!?!” she yelled in a high-pitched voice.  _ Oh, you didn’t hear? Well I don’t hear anything either, all the ringing tends to contribute to that _ . “The Avatar has arrived” the voice of Captain Wuhan repeated, calmly. This didn’t relax Toph, instead making her sound even moodier. “Kyoshi, what are we going to do?”  _ Any moodier and you might be Mai _ . “I… I guess we’re supposed to meet him?” I pondered. “I’m not feeling up to it” she said before dropping her head back onto my chest and snoring.  _ I. Do not. Have. The. Patience. For the Avatar. He’s the Avatar. We have military reforms and magistrate reforms to get to. The Egg Lord is not one of those things. _ “You can kick him into Lake Laogai,” I said, completely joking.  _ Ow. Did I even earn that chest-headbutt?  _ “That’s a genius idea!” she  _ screamed  _ into my chest. Then she tossed the blanket off,  _ ow, you don’t have to knee my torso to get up _ , and ‘apologized’, “Sorry, I’m blind!” 

In one of the few instances of Her Imperial Majesty ever desiring to wear clothes -not counting the wrestler outfit, sleepwear, and sarashi that also doubles as sleepwear- she followed me into my private - _ ha, like anything is private within the vicinity of Toph _ \- bedchamber. Normally, a small army of attendants walk in and engage in anything from pinning medals to a chest to flirtatious remarks on how pretty my hair is.  _ It’s called a shower, Lower Ring peasant servant person _ . This time, sure, they entered, but before they could assault me with nonsense, they kowtowed. The Empress, her underclothes, her bedhair, and a crossed arms pose are quite intimidating. Yup. Also, they’re quite Imperial. “Your Majesty has graced our-” but the ever loyal Ming was interrupted by Toph’s rhetorical “Kyoshi, have you ever been to a wrestling match?” question. Because I didn’t know it was rhetorical, “I have.” She grabbed her arm bracelet and handed it to me, then began the process of changing out of the almost nothing she was wearing. “Good, then you’d know a wrestler needs to dress to impress” and she turned towards me while addressing Ming. “I want my Imperial Robes!”  _ Wait. What?  _ Then I got smacked in the face with a shirt.  __

In the world of underground illegal wrestling, competitors often take to a specific outfit to match their style -or lack thereof- as a part of some kind of grand performance aimed at selling pennants and shirts emblazoned with their faces because half of the business is the ‘made for fans’ goods. Merchandising is the real wrestling champion. Most competitors have specific personalities and tailor the duels towards their personalities. Most of the wrestlers are friends...or at least not enemies… outside of the ring. There’s invented drama and... _ wait wait, where was I? _ Toph is known as the Blind Bandit, but this time, as she ‘is going to kick the Avatar into Lake Laogai’ according to her claim, and the Avatar is sadly not a normal wrestler, she needed an upgrade. Whereas other world leaders wear their world leader clothes all the time, because they just love to show off how much of a world leader they are, Toph’s not like that. Since giving herself the title of Empress -because there’s nothing like giving yourself a titular title- she hasn’t ever worn the Imperial Robes that befit her status. Until now. And she’s not doing it for the sake of going to Court. No, no, she’s doing it because she’s a wrestler first and wrestlers dress to impress. As it is now the season of the fall up in Ba Sing Se, the attendants brought out the Imperial Autumn Robes. The green is duller, the yellow less strikingly flamboyant, and the blues are meant to attract one’s eye -or eyes- in place of the usual green. The yellow’s still bright and golden just not going-to-reflect-the-sun-in-your-eye-or-eyes golden and the green’s still green. That said, she refused “some stupid hat”, the hat of Earth Kings for hundreds of years, because her hair bracelet still defines her as her. Only in retrospect do I realize I could’ve snuck out instead of looking out the window this whole time...and taken a shower. Alas, when Her Imperial Majesty finally began redressing into the most expensive clothes in all Three Nations and One Man, it was my turn to put on some clothes.

As Toph sat through half-of-twilight getting things laced up and put on and checked and double checked, I sat, staring out the window and the silhouettes of trees and the Imperial Palace Grounds. I gave her her privacy, for that is the way of Kyoshi’s ethics and I’ll happily duel anyone who disagrees. But, as Toph is Toph, when  _ I  _ was offered some two dozen different robes and I picked the Emperor’s Imperial Autumn Robes so the two of us could be a matching pair, I was not given the same privacy. “I’m not wearing pants!” I shouted at the person who stood some ten feet from me, who then proceeded to roll her eyes and fail at the attempt. I suppose asking for privacy from the Empress is like asking the Avatar to eat a steak. Right intentions, the results are just, as Toph would say, “it won’t happen, stop asking”. Except us Imperials do not flee from fights or challenges. Unless challenging the Empress. Short story long, it’s as fruitless as a vegetable farm to even consider asking for privacy from the Empress. 

I put on the second-most fancy robes this side of the Fire Lord, wait no that’d be third-most then, and unlike Her Imperial Majesty I did desire wearing a funny hat.  _ It’s not funny, it’s Imperial!  _ So the two of us, now wearing wonderfully elaborate clothes  _ and a golden jian scabbard _ left our private chambers. Turns out, spending the entirety of twilight putting on a fancy equivalent of a kimono and pants is not the best use of time. I say this because while we  _ slowly  _ walked down the halls, a pair of Ceiling Dai Li abandoned their positions to fall in front of us, bow, and “the Avatar’s impatiently wondering where-” but was cut off by a young man, somewhere, somewhere out there down the hall, yelling “coming through!”  _ Oh, you have got to be kidding me _ . 

The Avatar, the destroyer of entire ethnic groups, at present in the body of a somewhere between thirteen and fourteen year old egg, approached through the well known roadway of the walls. Specifically,  _ on  _ one of the walls. Riding an airball.  _ Yes _ .  _ See, he gets those powers and if I want to go flying I have to invest in technological advancements. That’s just not fair _ . Can anyone else guess what isn’t fair? A total disrespect for the Empress or even house-rules -we  _ are  _ your hosts, please be respectful- when visiting the capital of the largest nation, ever. Thankfully for us, before Toph could uppercut him into the realm of the Great Hunter, the Ceiling Dai Li did their Ceiling Dai Li thing. Someone’s rock glove grabbed his arm, he was quite surprised  _ despite already knowing rock gloves exist _ , and the rock glove  _ pulled him  _ off his airball and smashed his egg-head into the opposite wall. “Sorry for damaging the badgermole motif, Your Majesties!” that one member of the Dai Li yelled from up there. The pair that had fallen to give us a message turned around and one of them grabbed his neck with a rock glove. Again, before Toph could intervene,  _ wait no, she doesn’t seem to care _ , this Dai Li agent picked him up and suspended him in mid air. “You should be taught some respect!” the agent said while keeping him hanging there. His rock glove was choking the life force out of this ender-of-ethnic groups. The agent forgot he could airbend, and as such couldn’t stop him from blasting the pair of Dai Li, and our entire Imperial procession of Imperial Guard and attendants, with a strong gust of air, courtesy his breath. He then peeled the rock glove off his neck and, sounding quite childish, “and that’s not very nice of you.” He took his air staff and pointed it at the Dai Li. “I came here to  _ find  _ the Empress” and he walked forward and up to us.  _ Swish _ . I drew my blade because I’m insane. “You, kowtow” and I pointed the blade at him and his armorless -orange robes aren’t armor- chest. And he...didn’t. He brought his hands up to give us some kind of hilariously awful Air Nomad bow and then “Your Earthliness, I have important news about the Northern Air-” but he was cut off by a man pretending he had authority, and even if I didn’t have authority,  _ I have a jian,  _ “Leave us. We’ll talk to you when we want to.” To that, Toph gave a ‘hmph’ and slight nod, signally that she agreed with me. So he bowed again, turned around, and pulled up an air ball to ride away on. I opted to shout “And no air balls in the Imperial Palace!”, but in classic airbender fashion, he avoided and evaded and was  _ gone _ .

Toph broke into laughter. “You’re absolutely mad, Kyoshi. And if he  _ didn’t  _ bow, you’d impale him?” I looked up at the ceiling, because after seeing that Dai Li agent calmly grab the  _ Avatar  _ with a rock glov, I felt humbled beyond words.  _ No, humbled isn’t the right word. Concerned _ . As much as I find the Avatar to be a ridiculous fool, there was something primally unsettling about how casually and effortlessly a single unnamed Dai Li agent was able to grab, pick up, and almost snap the neck of the  _ Avatar _ . It would’ve taken a couple  _ miao _ and the Avatar Cycle would start anew in the Water Tribes. Had Toph been just a bit moodier, like earlier in the morning when she wanted to ‘kick him into Lake Laogai’, then the Avatar would be dead. 

_ Wait, Toph asked me a question _ . I gently lowered the  _ jian _ so that the hilt rested in one hand and the dull tang near the blade’s edge rested in the other, and knelt in front of Her Imperial Majesty. “Shall the Army fail, and the Imperial Guards fail, and the Dai Li fail, I would attempt to succeed” but she didn’t comprehend my serious tone. Or maybe she did and the laughter was part of the ridiculousness of it. “You’re crazy, Kyoshi.” and she hit my shoulder with her fist, making me drop the blade. She walked around me and down the halls. I retrieved my blade, sheathed it, rubbed my shoulder, and gave pursuit to her.  _ I am crazy, Your Majesty, but I would do it in a heartbeat.  _ If nothing else, the Avatar  _ does  _ take after one of his past lives. Kyoshi also trampled into the Palace whenever she felt like it. The difference is I don’t know if anyone  _ fears  _ Avatar Aang as a person like they feared Kyoshi. I mean, if this was Kyoshi, and someone drew a blade against her, she’d turn them and their entire family tree into paste. 

Everything in the Empire takes forever. Such is why it took us as long as Toph wanted to take to walk across the expansive Imperial Palace and reach the,  _ I remembered the name this time _ , Gate of Imperial Supremacy. There, gongs and horns and other such instruments blared to announce “Presenting, Her Imperial Majesty-” and by the time that one Imperial Crier, may Kyoshi give blessings to his voice, was finished announcing her -then my- titles, we reached the bottom of the Thousand Steps. Morning Court was yet to begin, but the couple hundred Ministers who rise early to attend it every morning were gathered in two large columns in either half of the Inner Courtyard. The Imperial Guard formed two lines of gilded statues. Right where we expected the Avatar to be -in front of his guest house- we spotted him, having a conversation with his sky bison. And his friends were...not with him. The Imperial Palanquin - _ a  _ Imperial Palanquin- was placed on the ground -someone must’ve seen us walking out in our Imperial Robes and realize we want to have the fanciest way to be carried- and Toph, surprisingly, got in. “We want to show up in  _ style _ ” she declared, before stylishly grabbing me and trying to pull me onto the sedan-chair. “For me, style is an ostrich horse.” “Then get your ostrich horse, Kyoshi.” I didn’t have to. The blue barded girl was already taken out for my use. I mounted up,  _ thank you, foot stool _ . All the while, Ministers, being  _ lovers  _ of the Badgermole Throne, kowtowed and maintained those kowtows. I joined the front of this procession, a small wedge of Imperial Guard carrying spears with Imperial Standards. Considering  _ all of this  _ is supposed to be like setting the stage for a wrestler’s performance, the more examples of Imperial grandeur we demonstrate, the more akin to a wrestler’s introduction to a crowded arena.

I brought my mount to a stop in front of the Avatar’s guest house, eyeing the Avatar and his relaxed,  _ I’m drinking tea,  _ face. Get this, he was drinking tea. Firebending it to heat it up and airbending to cool it.  _ Or maybe waterbending?  _ Eitherway, tea is something something ‘the elements.’ Grows in the ground, needs fire to boil it, stirs in water, cools with air. The Avatar used his privileged elemental powers to  _ cool tea _ . 

As Her Imperial Majesty’s non-sentient means of transportation neared, recited from perfect memory, I announced her titles. The whole “Presenting Her Imperial Majesty” and so on and so on. By the time I finished the titles the guards carrying her had long previously lowered the sedan chair. By the time I was done, she was standing next to my ostrich horse. The Avatar put down his teacup and got up to bow. “Twinkletoes, are you ready for another go?” and Toph rolled her shoulders. The Avatar had this whimsically odd expression, summarized well enough in “Huh?” Since I’m the most qualified hype man for Her Imperial Majesty, I dismounted my ostrich horse,  _ thank you footman, I know I’m paying you for nothing,  _ and thought to restate why we were here. “Her Imperial Majesty awoke from her rest with the purpose of dueling Your Holiness.” and because this man is not from the Empire, the idea of waking up to duel someone is beyond him. “I thought the Fire Nation was into this” he remarked, looking over Toph and at the Imperial Guards and their statue-like expressions -for now- then at the far rooftops where conical hats watched us all.  _ Okay, fine, the Empire and the Fire Nation both wake up to kill people.  _ “I came to Ba Sing Se because I learned that-” 

_ Smash _ , the Avatar was sent flying by a block pillar courtesy of a Toph foot-stomp. Being a fancy egg-headed man, he floated back down to the ground like a leaf. He politely insisted “We can fight later! I wanted to talk about the Air Acolytes and-” sadly for him, but happily for the Imperial Guards, he was  _ cut  _ off by another earth pillar. Why happily? The Imperial Guards broke their statue-like selves to cheer their Empress on. “Go Your Majesty!” and “Duel! Duel! Duel!” and even one “Crack that egg!” from the voice of a certain Lieutenant I know. He floated back to our Palace Grounds and  _ yelled _ , since being hit in the feet by earth pillars tends to make nearly anyone tense, “I just want to talk!”  _ And we just want to fight _ . This time, his sky bison bellowed, smacking everyone with a burst of air and sending me and my nonbender self flying backwards.  _ Thank you Imperial Guards for catching me. _ “You want to talk, I have Kyoshi over here, he can do all the talking. When you stop being such a Twinkletoes, we can-” she pulled a piece of paving stone up to her height, then headbutt-smashed it, “fight!”.  _ No. No. Do not send me inside and make me responsible for all of this. No. I don’t want to deal with it _ .  _ I...don’t you know my opinion on dealing with eggs?  _

The Empress grabbed my arm, swung herself and I in a circle, and tossed me in the rough direction of the waiting Avatar and his understandably unsure expression of unknowing. She shouted “You can handle this, I know you can! I order you to!” followed by her turning around and ordering someone, probably someone with a rank, “Get me my favorite badgermole! I’d like to go play with him!”  _ I wish I had a companion like that. The Avatar gets a sky bison, the Fire Lord gets his dragon, Toph gets a badgermole.  _

I pointed at the doorway. “Right, Avatar, let’s make this quick. Lead the way.” But I didn’t walk, I waited for him to act or do anything other than be confused. “Quick? What do you mean, ‘quick?’”  _ The opposite of slow. The opposite of as slow as you are being right now _ . “Listen, Avatar,” I groaned, “I don’t know about  _ you  _ but I’ve got-” and I paused to recollect, then started counting off on my fingers, “a Court to possibly attend-”  _ one finger _ , “-classes to attend in the art of the blade-”  _ two, _ “-the bow-”  _ three, _ “-calligraphy-”  _ four _ , “-poetry-”  _ five _ , “-military stratagem-”  _ six _ , “-civics lessons-”,  _ seven _ , “-Tutors to tutor me-”  _ eight,  _ “-a Council of Five meeting to  _ also  _ squeeze in somewhere-”  _ nine _ , “-military reforms to push for implementation-”  _ ten, and I’m out of fingers _ , “-of course the Empress to attend to at any time-”  _ eleven,  _ “and-” I paused to catch my breath, “did I mention the one hundred Imperial Memorials I must read to Her Imperial Majesty then record Her Imperial Majesty’s thoughts on?-”  _ twelve _ “And it’s currently-” I pointed at the low Sun hiding behind the clouds, “-just after dawn. And I’ve had a backlog due to recently going on two small campaigns. I’ve been working day and night, getting one  _ geng  _ of sleep at  _ most _ , so with all that in mind, let’s get doing things, right?” He slowly comprehended what I said, more likely  _ some  _ of what I said, and bowed. “I didn’t know Your Majesty was so busy!” He sounded so innocent. “Yes, Avatar, monarchs  _ have  _ responsibilities.” His innocence confirmed that he, despite being a monarch, titularly, had no clue what being a monarch is like. He blew the door open with a small thrust of his staff, likely leading to it’s eventual destruction.  _ Avatar, do the Air Nomads have a currency? Because you’ll be paying for those repairs, we won’t. Or...you know, you can just live in a house that slowly crumbles apart. _ I pointed at the doorway once more. “Lead the way.” He looked at me, then the line of stone statue people, then back towards his doorway. He  _ finally _ went inside his house, hopping and skipping like an airbender, and I gave pursuit.  _ House? No, no, this isn’t yours. It’s a courtesy of the Badgermole Throne _ .

“Sokka! Katara! His Earthliness is here in the living room!”  _ Yes, thank you for shouting. My ears only recently stopped ringing.  _ We sat at a table, the tablecloth was, as with the rest of this property, quote ‘left as how the Avatar left it’. We don’t intervene in what the Avatar does inside his temporary guest house. Which is probably why the tablecloth wasn’t there and the plates weren’t set out. It looked like a peasant’s hovel, except even a peasant would at least try to set a table properly. And, and, if a peasant knew that the Emperor was coming, he’d try his best to make his place look as fancy as possible. It’s not that I want people to kiss my feet -that’s more of a Toph thing- but if you’re a fellow world leader,  _ try  _ to have some decency? The Fire Lord does. The Avatar...doesn’t. 

The Avatar brought out… green food. Some kind of bowl of vegetables in a kind of salad. “A salad?” I looked down at this bowl he placed in front of me. “I like to start my day out with a salad, Your Earthliness” he said, smiling at the product of his ‘cooking’.  _ Right. But...that’s not breakfast _ . I looked over at the doorway, “Guards? Do any of you have some jerky for me?” and only after my asking did the Avatar realize something, “I forgot, Your Earthliness, you prefer-” and he stopped himself to walk over to what must be the storage room where he retrieved, in his conclusion’s wording, “-Meat. Smoked meat’s what we got.” and he handed me some smoked jerky of some kind. “Am I stealing food from Prince Sokka?” I wondered, since I wouldn’t want to mess with a hungry Prince. Sounding much like an amused child, he laughed. “No, no, no, Sokka’s…” but the door to...a room opened, and “ _ Prince  _ Sokka?” asked a woman emerging while dressed in a kimono-tunic, giggling at her own statement. As formal as I could muster myself, “Indeed, he is the heir-apparent to your family’s tribal lands, right?” She started chuckling. “I don’t know if Sokka can lead anything...You should see him when he commands some little children” and she sighed. Then she flashed me with her eyes and asked “Wait...does that mean I’m a Princess?”  _ I don’t know _ . Instead of being honest, I appealed to her need for approval or self-consciousness or...oogie-ness, and “Sure. The Northern Water Tribe had Princes and Princesses.” Of course, what I didn’t say to her, which should be obvious to anyone else, is that title has almost no meaning. Prince of  _ what?  _ A couple igloos? The title sounds fancy and probably makes her quite happy, but she’s not a Princess of the Earth Empire, she’s a Princess of the smallest possible entity that could conceivably have such a title. A couple thousand people isn’t a couple million. Sure, maybe the giant iceberg has twenty or thirty thousand residents, but her tribal lands of Umiak would only have a few thousand, tops. That, being, said...she was elated and jumped up and applauded the Avatar with “You hear that? I’m a  _ Princess _ !” A smile came to his face, she ran over, grabbed him, and kissed his cheek.  _ Great, great, I’m going to leave, find a whiskey, and go fall into a hole now. I don’t need all these oogies. Also, do you really need validation from others? In a practical sense, what authority do I, as Earth Emperor, have to name you Princess of some iceberg?  _ I don’t think the Avatar or his girlfriend considered this. 

I droned “Your important political concerns?” to interrupt their oogie moment. “What important political-” but Katara stopped, as if the question meant something to her, “Wait, is this about the Air Acolytes?” I shrugged,  _ I have no idea _ . “I have no idea, my lady.”  _ She may not be a Princess but I’ll still give her the courtesy of ‘my lady’ _ . She blushed at this, “Oh,  _ my lady _ , how thoughtful!” and I tried to slap my face with my palm. I succeeded.  _ It’s called courtesy _ . The Avatar, to whom I think she was directing the question since he probably knows what we’re supposed to be talking about, nodded. “Then, excuse me, Your Earthliness” and she offered me a far superior version of an Air Nomad bow, turned, and departed into the room she came from. Maybe this time she’ll do her hair up.  _ Doesn’t she have distinctive hair...loops...loopies?...to do up? _ I have my queue, though, and my queue gets to hang over my right shoulder, it and its small gold hair tie can watch me eating these smoked meats while the Avatar departed “for just a moment!” to then return, more than a moment later, bearing a handful of scrolls. He laid these scrolls out on the table and chose one, they were all tied up with the same kind of cloth string so I have no idea if one was more important than the other, and opened it up. Whatever it was, I didn’t get to see it. I also didn’t care to see it. 

“I travelled up to the Northern Air Temple. Does Your Earthliness know what’s happening up there?”  _ if I did, would I have this uninterested facial expression?  _ “I don’t know, are the Xishan Tribes attacking the lands?” I threw that idea out there since that was always a possibility. “No, people claiming to be from Ba Sing Se  _ looted  _ the Northern Air Temple lands of ancient Air Nomad relics!” His  _ this-is-a-crisis! exclamation!  _ was contrasted by my “So?”, Mai-like bored response. “Do you know about this?” he sounded almost angry.  _ Please address me properly?  _ “No, will you please exposit all over me? I’ll finish my breakfast first, thanks” and I took to chomping down these smoked pig-chicken strips of meat. “Exposit?” he raised an eyebrow. I rolled my hand over itself, a gesture to ‘get started’. He didn’t understand that, so I, still bored, said “Start from the beginning and tell me what happened and how I can help.” I had to exposit on what ‘expositing’ meant. With that, he agreed, “I’ll start at the beginning”, and began expositing.

Contextual information: The Northern Air Temple lands, the main temple and all other peaks -used for a variety of nomad purposes, from prayer to rest to gathering spots- were administered by the Council of Elders for the Northern Air Temple. The Air Nomads believed they ‘owned’ all the land in the mountain range, which goes against their principles of being without  _ but we’ll just ignore that. If I had to explain the hypocrisy of the Air Nomads I’d die of old age before finishing _ . As, save for the four Temples, the Air Nomads were by nature a nomadic group, they often found peaks and mountain sides to stay a night at. While the Northern Air Temple was a permanent settlement, if it could even be called such, the other spots the Air Nomads visited and inhabited were nothing more than small huts or caves or shrines. And yet,  _ and, yet _ , the Air Nomads claimed that all the valleys and land far beneath them was also theirs because they owned the peaks. In reality, the steep river valleys were often occupied by ‘barbarians’, as the Northern Air Nomads called them, or according to the encyclopedic materials in the Archives, the Tribes of the North. The Fire Nation cared little for the Air Temples after their extermination was complete. The Air Temples, that is, the peaks and main ‘hubs’ of Air Nomads themselves. The river valleys were akin to any other subpolar evergreen-filled valleys and had, at most, a transportation-based purpose. Ferry troops from the North Sea through some of the wider valleys and south to harass the lands north of the West Lake. It is due to this not-really-that-important status given to the lands by the Fire Nation that local tribes were able to maintain a tentative grasp on the region. The Royal Army frequently tried to retake the nearest of the four Air Temples for the purpose of defense. Most of these valleys were thin enough that a small garrison could shut out future Fire Nation offensives. As a half-dozen Generals learned the hard way, one does not march into the lands of the ‘barbarians’ and come out alive. Some of these tribes intermingled with settlers, but most in the Northern Air Temple’s lands and the neighboring lands of Xishan retain the old ways of isolationism. The ones in the southeastern foothills have  _ some _ interaction with the Badgermole Throne.

At one point in the past ten years, a middle-aged man led a group of refugees, fleeing from the mighty Dragon’s Host, and they braved the harsh climate to settle  _ in  _ the Northern Air Temple. From there, his creative mind combined with the Air Nomads’ drawings and eventually produced the first non-Air Nomad gliders in known history. This same man would go on to, with a boatload of gold, invent a powered engine that could, when combined with a glider, produce something heavier-than-air that could  _ fly _ .  _ Flight.  _ This man, or rather his son,  _ tamed  _ the skies. It is because they tamed the skies that I can buzz about in a half-working deathtrap known as a biplane. Only the Shogun’s last ditch ‘Fire Jets’ were able to pose a threat to us. However, he paid for his aircraft with two Imperial Firebenders to each aircraft. Two people that needed years and years of training. We could scoop up nearly any duelists, archers, or individuals with a steady hand and a patient mind, and put them in biplanes within weeks. 

But the Avatar is an Air Nomad. And Air Nomads hate war. So building weapons which will keep us safe when the next war -who am I kidding, we’re fighting multiple  _ daofei  _ hordes and possible secessionists all the time- goes against his principles. If that wasn’t bad enough, he claimed that His Excellency, the Interim Imperial Commander of the Flying Fleet, the Inventor of Powered Flight, the Mechanist, was “given an Imperial Edict to ransack the Air Temple”. Was he? Of course he was! We’re not idiots. We tossed a carriage full of gold pieces at this man so he’d produce more weapons for us and us first. We -mostly Toph’s initiative- sponsored the creation of the Imperial Siege Cannon. We sponsored him to produce us faster Tundra Tank designs with better turrets.  _ The Imperial Battle Tank _ . I can’t say this to the Avatar, because he’ll draw Sozin comparisons, but what kind of Monarch  _ doesn’t  _ do whatever they can to ensure the safety of their people and their people  _ first _ ? 

How was I supposed to counter the Avatar? ‘Yes, Avatar, I personally stamped an Imperial Edict ordering the Mechanist, with full logistical support by the Imperial Army, to ascend your as high-as-honor tower and loot anything and everything that the Air Nomads knew about flight. I personally told them to collect toys, instruments, prayer equipment, and scrolls. I told them that even ‘useless’ items may be manipulatable by airbending.’ Was I supposed to tell the Avatar that the reason I’m able to tell up from down while flying is because every biplane is fitted with a copy of a small metal toy -shaped like a metallic top- airbender children played with? A toy that is bound by gravity, ensuring I always know how far I’m banking or diving. Or a scroll that mentions the creation of gliders. Or scrolls on wind currents and a ‘map’ of the Northern Air Temple’s ridge lifts. I don’t regret any of those orders. I don’t regret them to the point that I  _ stood  _ for my people. I put down my food and gave him a relaxed tone bearing my thoughts.

“Yes, Avatar. I ordered the Imperial Army to-”  _ I can’t say what I want to say… _ “-bring Air Nomad relics back to Ba Sing Se.” His face could speak a thousand words. “What? You told them to  _ loot  _ my people’s lands?” and the room got chilly despite the mild autumn weather. Pushing my chair back somewhat, I wanted my hand free for unsheathing a blade should something bad happen, I formally explained “Not looted. Preserved. I invite you to meet with the Dai Li over the concept of preservation. They have an entire Branch dedicated to keeping historical relics from all Four Nations.” My formal tone, my formal clothing and my relaxed demeanor caught him off-guard. As if he didn’t know this already. “I...didn’t know that.”  _ Oh. So he’s clueless _ . A sigh would do. So I sighed and tried not to break the bridge of my nose with a nose-bridge pinch.  _ Exhale.  _ “Next thing you’ll tell me you think the Emperor does  _ everything  _ on his own.”  _ Why am I speaking in third person? Only the Emperor is stupid enough to speak in third person! Wait _ . “I thought that was why Your Earthliness was so busy” and he took out his hand and started mock-counting my genuinely-annoyed counting earlier. “You have classes and Court and classes and attending to the Empress and Court and writing something called Memorials.”  _ Deep breaths. Do not explode. Do. Not. Explode. Do not. You don’t have to. He’s an idiot _ . “ _ I  _ have classes. The Ministers...do the...no I’m sorry” and I began laughing hysterically, “Many of the Ministers don’t do anything.”  _ Ha! Hilarious. Ministers actually working. What is this? The Fire Nation?  _ “So then who does the administrative tasks?” he logically asked, also somewhat confused at my maniacal laughter. I sarcastically replied. “I have no idea. I just act like a pillow until I’m told to go run some things and learn some other things” I’m not even inebriated but this  _ feels  _ inebriating.  _ Why am I the Avatar’s educator on administrative tasks?  _

“Do you have responsibilities, Avatar?” “I...do...Your Earthliness.” “Like?” and I sighed, waiting to hear his  _ long  _ list of things he needs to do. “I need to train everyday. I need to meet local officials to learn of their problems. I need to meet people to help them. The other day, I was helping the victims of a small flood by building shelters for them.”  _ Right. Sure.  _ I calmly asked something of him. “Avatar, do you  _ really  _ have to train, though? You’re gifted with the four bending arts.” “I have to master them.” I gestured to my blade hilt. “ _ I  _ have to master the blade and the bow to even get a  _ chance  _ at fighting a master bender.  _ I  _ have to master calligraphy so that I look regal. So that I may represent the Empress of Ten Thousand Years. Do you ever practice your handwriting, Avatar?” Partway between defeated and unsure of himself, like a child who was given a task and never did it, “No…” I nodded. “Exactly. Because you, as the Avatar, don’t  _ need  _ to. You could write terribly and you  _ will  _ be listened to by most people.  _ I  _ don’t have that luxury. If my writing isn’t regal enough, many will question my legitimacy.” The Avatar gave me this confused face and a confused statement “What?” I expected him to do that. “Exactly. Nobody questions that the Avatar is the Avatar. People  _ will  _ question how qualified someone in the Empire is to do their job if they don’t meet expectations.” “Your Earthliness!” the Avatar pleaded, “Some people  _ do  _ criticize me.” I ignored answering his comment. “Anything is expected for the Avatar. Your past lives feature many successes and many failures. People will flock to you even if you fail.”  _ And boy, Avatar, have you failed.  _ “People will not flock to the Empress if her Consort’s hand looks like the pig-chicken scratch of a peasant.” “If an Avatar isn’t fully realized-” but I cut the Avatar off.  _ I know my folk history, thanks cousin _ , “The False Avatar Yun sat around for years and had all kinds of luxuries tossed at him. All he could do was earthbend. It’s not about fully realizing, it’s about expectations.” What the Avatar doesn’t realize is the subtlety of this. The fact the Avatar has nothing expected of him means that the current incumbent is not a successful Avatar. At least a bad Earth King is  _ called  _ a bad Earth King. Maybe not in the present, but when the histories are written.

The conversation, once derailed, needed to be re-railed. I am a man of my word, when I’m not busy sticking my sword in people,  _ no, Toph, that was not a euphemism. How are you able to read my mind? You can’t even read! _ , and continued this Air Temple inquiry that was as pointless as an earth ball. “Should you desire your relics back, I’d recommend consulting the Research and Development Bureau of the Imperial Army and or the Preservation Branch of the Dai Li. If the relics were used for military purposes, they went to the former. If the relics were just-”  _ don’t say trash, you’re talking to a very easily-frustrated egg _ , “-relics, then they went to the Dai Li.” I should’ve expected the Avatar’s confusion of “But...how do I know what a ‘military’ relic is and a non-military relic is? The Air Nomads didn’t have armies!”  _ No you egg! Our military. The Great Earth Army that cannot be defeated _ .  _ Unless I’m the egg...but then I’d be dating a waterbender and… let’s not go there. Nope.  _ “I don’t know, Your Holiness. My plate-” and I gestured to a nonexistent plate, my voice straining with newfound exhaustion,  _ the Avatar knows how to tire me out _ , “-is kind of full. Always full. Never not full. There’s always something to do.” 

Thank the Spirits, or maybe _don’t_ thank them, the responsible Prince of the Umiak Chiefs, the Prince of the Southern Water Tribe’s ‘largest’ ‘region’ - that claim is as baseless as an Air Nomad - Sokka, emerged with his hair also not done up. For once, his, _what do those Southerners call it?,_ ‘wolf tail’ was missing. His short hair could greet Suki’s short hair and perhaps the two hairs could attempt and fail to intermingle. _Actually, I didn’t want to think about that any further because I’m sure their hair does intermingle and-_ thankfully my thoughts were interrupted by “Good morning, Your Kingliness!” _Kingliness?_ “Can you call me _some_ thing more appropriate?” I asked this to the man who looked as prim and proper as a Lower Ring peasant after playing five rounds of earth ball. “Your Emperorliness?” _That’s not even… that’s not a title!_ I shook my head. “Your Imperialiness?” _Wait! You almost got it!_ I didn’t react quick enough, so he settled on “Your Imperialiness, it is!” I’m thankful my hand was close enough to my face that I could almost break my own nose with a pinch. Again. Good thing I can’t firebend or I’d be breathing flames. The Avatar told him a word salad of “Northern Air Temple”, “Dai Li”, “Branch of Preservation”, “Imperial Army” and “Researching weapons”, or that’s what I could take back from it. I wasn’t really listening, I had some jerky to suck on and I’ve heard that too much Avatar exposure is not a good idea. I expected Sokka to turn to me and chastise me for some kind of misrepresentation of ideologies that results from a simple worldview where all monarchs are akin to Sozin. 

I didn’t expect him to defend us. “Aang, military technology tends to help us” and he pointed at me,  _ I don’t know you that well, please stop pointing, okay actually my Dai Li have told me everything they’ve heard, but that’s not the point, I’m being dramatic _ , “nonbenders. I can’t pull water out of a waterskin and turn it into throwing icicles, unless I take icicles and throw them. I can’t toss a boulder at anyone, unless it’s with my hands. I can’t breath fire, unless my tongue is on fire, and I can’t do this” and he waved his hands around in a mimic of Aang’s airbending.  _ What tangent are you going down?  _ “With technology, however, I can have a fair chance.”  _ Very well put, Prince Sokka _ . I applauded his oddly worded but quite agreeable statement. “Very well put,  _ Prince  _ Sokka.” The Prince awkwardly smiled. I turned towards the Avatar to address him. “The Mechanist believes that we could build passenger airships now, and within a generation, take those designs and put them to aircraft. We’d never have those without nonbender ingenuity.” The Avatar, in a rare twist, held his ground, “those are still Air Nomad relics, Sokka.” Sure, he’s right, but now they’re Imperial artifacts and, don’t tell him this, most of them are probably currently sitting in a room in the Northern Palace Grounds, waiting to be trinkets offered to the Imperial Army for research purposes or as gifts to certain especially loyal people to hang on their walls. Finally, after many  _ fen  _ of  _ where’s-the-rail? _ derailment, he got to this ‘Air Acolyte’ thing.

“Your Earthliness, I request, as the Avatar, to open an official embassy from the Air Nomads within the walls of Ba Sing Se.”  _ What. What? What. What?  _ “An Air Nomad...embassy?” I said it like it was some strange cactus-juiced dream. “Of course, manned by the finest Air Acolytes.”  _ Right. Right. Of course. Air Acolytes _ . I...where do I even begin with how such a suggestion  _ will  _ explode in the Avatar’s face harder than that one projectile exploded the phoenix prow of the Fire Lord’s flag-airship. “You’re...going to stick a bunch of teenage girls in charge of an embassy...and you’re suggesting to put an embassy in the middle of a city that  _ hates  _ Air Nomads to the point of burning down the  _ last  _ Air Nomad shrine the-” “What?” he asked me, his composure suddenly defensive and worried. “They burned down a shrine?”  _ No, I was sarcastic _ . “I’m pretty certain the Fiftieth Earth King was furious at the lack of the Avatar intervening in his Kingdom when Sozin invaded, and as such, encouraged a mass destruction and pillaging of shrines and other such holy sites.” Really confused and looking for answers, the Avatar inquired “Is this some kind of Earth King tradition?” I held up my hand to think about that one.  _ Yes. Prince Chong did it. The Fiftieth Earth King did it. _ However, I couldn’t say that. “I have no idea,” then, quickly to re-rail this nonsense and get to the bottom of all of this, I played dumb and asked “So you want to open an embassy representing the Air Nomads?” He nodded. One word, “Explain” one wish,  _ I need to know what this entails.  _

“The Air Acolytes are spiritual successors to the Air Nomads. While many of them appear to just be young women, there’s a large number of men and women from all walks of life who desired giving up their possessions to join the movement. In putting an embassy here, I would no longer have to fly all the way here to talk to Your Earthlinesses unless it was an emergency. These chosen people could also represent the Air Nation at the Imperial Court. The Air Nomads were always interested in the betterment of the lives of the Lower Ringers and the Air Acolytes could assist in that, appealing to the Imperial Court for changes, giving charity and providing whatever assistance they could. We don’t ask for pay and the Hundred Year War’s over, nobody’s going to be doing any war-waging!” This man’s, no, this egg’s naive ignorance was amazing. I’d kill to be that innocent about killing and war. Nobody’s doing any war waging? I suppose all those  _ daofei  _ are just going to peacefully stop being  _ daofei _ ? And the best part of this? Representing… at Court?  _ What? At Court? You think a bunch of teenage girls can just represent...what in the name of Kyoshi?  _ “You...Your Holiness,  _ I  _ can’t even represent  _ myself  _ at the Imperial Court. Why would a bunch of teenage girls accomplish what-” the following is what happens when you get arrogantly angry at someone else’s idiotic words, “-the Earth Emperor, who has been fighting  _ for a year, non stop,  _ in campaigns against everyone and everything, cannot?” The Avatar, being blissfully unaware of reality, or maybe he just hasn’t heard the news, naively stated that “because the Air Acolytes have the people’s best interests at heart.”  _ Right, right, of course _ . I, being sometimes aware of reality, countered with “Right, and all those Ministers and their Upper Ring mansions really care about the Lower Ringers. And people care about other people. And there’s no such thing as corruption and we’re all supposed to just toss our money at institutions because they have fancy titles?” Even he could detect the sarcasm thickly layered like a good Kyoshi Island pastry, “No…?” he trailed it off because his head-rubbing was more important. 

I went back to being serious and gave him a serious question. “What do these Air Acolytes know that the Dai Li don’t?” If these Acolytes were quite diverse, that is, from across the Empire, then this ‘embassy’ could function as a great way to easily monitor the situation across the Empire since these people  _ -assuming they can read and write- _ would probably write home to their hardworking families and tell them how they’ve abandoned all that to go live in a hut and eat grass. And their families could write back with news from their homes. “The Air Acolytes care about the Lower Ring, the Dai Li don’t. The Dai Li are corrupt and care about themselves first-”  _ what was that? I couldn’t hear you over this… _ I jumped out of my seat, drew my blade, and pointed it right at the Avatar and his wonderful egg-head arrow. “Say that again!” and I pulled my blade  _ slightly  _ back, a  _ Hesso  _ stance with the blade jutting out towards the enemy and not held in a guard position next to one’s head. The Prince of the Southern Water Tribe did not take kindly to my instant snap of aggression and gave me a good side-push.  _ It’s a shame I’m in an ostrich horse stance _ . The Prince’s attempt failed. The Avatar, quick to solutions, airblasted my blade into the ceiling. “Did I insult your Dai Li or something?” he asked like he wasn’t just threatened with a  _ jian _ . I got out of the stance and backed up towards the doorway, getting quite defensive with my fists. “The Dai Li protect this city! The Dai Li care for the peasants! That’s why they go after incompetent Ministers!” “Not from what I’ve seen” he countered. Sokka brought up his fists.  _ Oh, there’s no winning with this kid.  _ I offered the Prince of the South “Cousin-not-by-blood, do you want to duel?”, instead he stepped in front of his brother-in-law.  _ I see you and I share a stupid kind of loyalty to our respective allies. I like that. Good on you, not-a-Prince Prince. _

Then the Imperial Guard - _ where were you guys? _ \- ran in. “We heard yelling,” said one of them. Then a different one held the first one back and “Your Majesty, are you alright?” and I gestured with my chin at the ceiling, where an expensive blade with a thousand dead to its name was stuck in. “Avatar, you’re under-” before the voice of one Lieutenant Taishi could say the wrong word, I ordered “Leave him be.” The Imperial Guard, loyal to the death to the Badgermole Throne and in many cases Toph and I specifically, kowtowed. One of them grabbed the blade with metalbending,  _ okay that’s really cool _ , and dislodged it, bringing it down from the sky and handing it back to me. I took a cloth, cleaned it off, and sheathed it. I looked at the surprised -going through a bunch of emotions- Avatar and stated “As for your ‘embassy’, I’d need to consult with the Head of the Dai Li. The Commander is as wise as he is loyal and he would know how to handle such matters.” and I did not offer him a bow and walked out. The Head of the Dai Li is a wise man...some of his agents...are not. The Avatar’s remarks on the Dai Li are, in general, false. Of course,  _ some  _ rogue agent did things to my legs. Those dream-like memories were fresh in my mind. One agent, or a cell of agents, is not the entire organization. 

Besides, the Avatar is not part of the Empire. If he, a foreign leader, learned of a possible weakness in the Empire, he could exploit it. Sure, one may claim that  _ he _ , a pacifist with a high kill count -the rumors from the North Pole, his escape from Pohuai Stronghold, just to name two- but that’s assuming he’s a pacifist who keeps his mouth shut. He wouldn’t. Word would spread, he’d think he was being helpful, and before we knew it some opportunist would have an inroad to infiltrate the Empire and sow dissent or chaos. We do not confide in foreigners, no matter how friendly they may be. These are state secrets. I’m expected to understand that.  _ Toph _ , even being Toph, understands that.

The Commander and I met at the famous Upper Ring tea shop owned by the absent Dragon of the West. While we sipped tea, him ditching his rock gloves for once, he asked for clarification. “I don’t understand. The Avatar told you, just now, that they wanted an embassy?” “Yes, Commander.” The Commander retained his stone-face. An Emperor and a Head of the Dai Li, out in the open, in the middle of the Upper Ring, discussing the Avatar and his wishes for the lands.  _ The times, they are a’ changing _ . Sure, there was an entire detachment of the Imperial Guard standing in the street with some on ostrich horses and some on foot. And the buildings around us were crawling with Dai Li who did not seem to be afraid of their presence being noted despite the daylight. Still. An odd sight for the occasional passerby. “Interesting. He told me this… some time ago. Last time he was here. And his Air Acolytes have multiple ‘chapter’ buildings scattered across the Rings”  _ What? What?  _ “And you did this… I don’t recall being asked for my opinion, and I don’t recall Her Imperial Majesty agreeing to such things” and I took another sip of tea. “I  _ did  _ discuss it with Her Imperial Majesty. If only Your Majesty wasn’t so preoccupied with campaigning-” I cut off the man who should never be cut off because, I’m sorry, that’s insulting. _ And while you were sitting in a safe city with a private army, I was wandering barren tundra trying to hunt down mercenary-hired traitors, leading an army of idiots and watching aircraft fall from the skies. _ “Enough, what was the result? Why are we allowing this?” He looked around, did a cross-cutting hand motion, and the Dai Li who were ‘near’ us took to backing up. Then he leaned in close enough to slice my head open with his metal-rimmed conical hat, should he intend to, -he  _ is  _ a master earthbender and a decent metalbender- and whispered “We infiltrated their chapter with spies. The Avatar’s a total moron.”  _ Huh. You and I had a similar idea.  _ Then he proceeded to explain why he did what he did and explain it in a fashion that someone as intelligent as myself - _ If I set my hands on fire, that’ll solve the freezing to death from jumping in ice water-  _ could understand. 

“The Avatar is a naive idiot, an idealist, someone who’s never worked a day in his life and has been given whatever he wants. He’s like if the Earth Kings of old were given free stuff by all Three Nations. And his idealism is sending people to their deaths. But they ain’t from the Empire and I couldn’t care less. His idealistic pacifism, the kind that little girls think is how governments conduct themselves, has attracted a force of young women and people of all ages. I’m sure the young women all really, really, want to apply for concubinage. But stupid young people can be a boon to…  _ our  _ needs. The Avatar, as per the charter of his movement, welcomes anyone who is willing to lose the meat, lose their families, and most important, lose the greens. Now… that’s treason. Members of Her Imperial Majesty’s Empire can’t just give up their citizenship. They are all eligible for being conscripted in times of crisis. If one of them is an earthbender, he or she may be politely asked to join our noble institution. So right there, we’ve got a great cause to arrest most of these people. But there’s no reason to. Instead, with the assistance of Her Imperial Majesty, I came to the conclusion that such buildings would act as lanterns for a horde of moth wasps. All information from all corners of the Empire and all Three Nations flows through these buildings due to their connectivity. We don’t need to send spies to Caldera disguised as household attendants of His Royal Majesty. We don’t need to torture actual members of His Royal Majesty’s household staff. Now?” and for one of the few times in my life, I heard the Head of the Dai Li  _ laugh _ . 

“We send people disguised as Air Acolytes! We don’t even have to sneak around the Royal Palace. We can send actual diplomats whose purposes are to learn about the wellbeing of their city. We’ll be learning about Caldera before His Royal Majesty does! So that’s what I’m currently organizing. Of the chapters in this city, a couple hundred of its members are working for us. Of course, some people had to be politely told to take the job, and were given salary raises for agreeing. As of right now, we have members who are inserting themselves into Caldera. What a surprise, a bunch of brothel-maid turned Air Acolyte-worshipping young women know nothing of being diplomats. But citizens from the finest Academies in Ba Sing Se? All we had to do was show off  _ some  _ of what we know. And like that, we’re practically running the movement. And if we need more spies, let’s say, in Caldera; do you know what we do?” He didn’t give me time to answer that. “We pose them as Air Acolytes and send them west. The end. The Avatar doesn’t punish people for leaving his little cult of personality, instead claiming that ‘all are free to love, to live, to a life of their own making’. Don’t tell him but Your Majesty’s definition of ‘life of their own making’ would involve exactly infinite times the amount of hunting and killing as what he thinks a ‘life of their own making’ means. And, personally, I’d rather be singing a old Dai Li song on a rooftop that my maternal ancestor wrote than going to attend some stupid circle prayer. But alas, he’s a moron and everything he touches gets polluted with the most childish kind of idealistic wisdom.” The well-versed Commander of the Dai Li is as eloquent as he is committed to serving the Badgermole Throne. 

He backed out of the close-in-lean and downed the rest of the tea. This left me with a curious question. “So why did the Avatar ask my permission, today, if he already did what he said he wanted to do?” The Commander turned around, grabbing his teacup with a rock glove, propelled it back inside the Jasmine Dragon, and placed it on a waitress’s tray as she was walking along. Needless to say, she screamed and dropped the tray and the teacup smashed itself on the floor. But she also looked over at us, the Commander tipped his hat back, and the waitress probably looked straight into his striking jade eyes.  _ I know those eyes, I don’t know why I do, but I know what that feels like _ . Of course! He met me when I was recovering. 

His issues addressed, he could redirect his hat’s attention towards me. “Because the Avatar...is an airbender. He does things without approval and then asks for it. He’s as wily as a rogue agent.”  _ Rogue agent. That...that...yes… I know that saying now.  _ The Commander was adept at knowing that such a statement struck me like a chi-blocker’s punch, and halted his speech. “Forgive me, Your Majesty… I did not mean to bring up such bad memories.” What was I going to say? ‘Bad memories are awful?’ Then much of my mind would be ‘awful’. “It’s alright Commander, I hope you and your Dai Li catch whoever did this. I’ll cut his head off myself.” and I put my hand on my  _ jian  _ hilt to demonstrate the anger I had for whoever did this, as best as I could. “We will have results within a cycle of the Moon.” I had had enough. The Avatar was sneaking around our city, doing things with…  _ wait a miao. Wait a miao _ .  _ He wasn’t sneaking if he- _ “Commander, you said you had a meeting with Her Imperial Majesty about this. Why would he come to me and ask this again if you already resolved it?” The Commander stood and stuffed his hands into his sleeves. “We held a meeting in regards to the formation of chapters. He made a passing remark about an embassy in the future but that was merely a passing comment. Her Imperial Majesty concluded that the chapters were allowed as they are not a threat and give us access to the knowledge of the rest of the Three Nations with the convenience of Ba Sing Se.”  _ I don’t think Her Imperial Majesty would’ve put it like that, but semantics _ . He bowed to me, I bowed to the teashop, and the two of us started off on our separate ways. Then, as I was about to mount my ostrich horse, something hit me.

“Commander!” I yelled to the man halfway up a building wall. He dropped himself to the ground, turned around and walked over to a twenty pace from me. He bowed and said “Yes, Your Majesty?” “The Avatar also wanted to go after some artifacts, Air Nomad relics.” And this made the Head of the Dai Li walk right  _ up  _ to me, his hat rim just below my eyes. “He wants  _ those  _ then, does he? He’s never mentioned this before.”  _ Really?  _ “Why hasn’t he told you? The whole pursuit of relics was one of his claims for why he needed an embassy.” The Head of the Dai Li stood idly, as if needing to recall a memory,  _ trust me, I know the feeling, _ or perhaps compose a sentence to be as well-said as his usually are. “Last time, the Avatar claimed that he needed a way for Air Acolytes to organize within a legal framework. He’s never mentioned anything related to relics.” With a much sterner, and that’s saying something for a cold-voiced man, voice, “What did you tell him?”  _ What did I tell him?  _ “I stated that I knew not where such objects were located. I gave him two institutions to check but also reminded him that such tools are Imperial property.” and his lack of a response almost called me to give him the two institutions. “The Bureau of Research and Development and the Preservation Branch. I figured making the Dai Li handle this would help confuse and distract him.” The Head of the Dai Li scoffed. “He’ll get lost in bureaucratic nonsense. Good.” and I spotted a thin  _ smile  _ from beneath his rim. “Those relics aren’t his. They belong to the Badgermole Throne. Many of those tools are our key to mastering flight and by no means would I give those back to some airheaded egg and his water wench girlfriend.” 

_ Xuan’s plan...it’s genius _ . “I wish to compliment you, Commander! I find your plan, your infiltration plan, genius.” Once again, a rare scene for the Commander, he  _ smiled _ . “Thank you, Your Majesty” and he bowed. “Just…” I felt the need to be cautious over this, “...are we  _ sure  _ that the Avatar won’t catch on to our deception?” “The Avatar won’t be able to figure it out.”  _ He’s not the only one, though _ . “And what of the Fire Lord? Fire Lady Mai is not stupid.” The Commander let out a single ‘ha!’ laugh. “She is smart, yes, but the Royal Court is full of people that want the Fire Lord ousted. And...some of those people…” he patted me on the back. “Your Majesty, should we ever need to... _ distract _ … the Fire Nation, we will have many allies and agents, expendable ones, who can...assist with that.” 

Commander Xuan climbed up the wall and left. 

_So the Dai Li are going to hunt down this rogue agent or cell of agents, _

_ The Avatar’s going to build an embassy that’s actually just our spy agency, _

_ The Fire Nation's going to be thrown into chaos should we ever need it, _

_ and...Right.  _

_ Toph has to go kick Twinkletoes into Lake Laogai.  _

_Priorities. I should go attend to that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Mori get a new companion and we meet some competent officials!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Still-Politically-Incompetent Folks (But mostly the Avatar):  
> -The chapter's title is meant to be ironic. Pacifists shouldn't call to arms. A pacifist's call to arms is a call to action. In this case, the Avatar wanting to found an embassy  
> -This chapter takes place a few days after the previous one. Mori's been mostly in the Archives and practicing his skills in the blade, the bow, and recently, calligraphy.  
> -Toph rarely wears the heavy takes-forever-to-put-on Imperial Robes (the longpao or dragon robe). Even if she's blind, she's aware of the flamboyance that it produces.  
> -Leave it to Toph to avert dressing appropriately for all 'normal' occasions and save her 'normal' clothes (the longpao she wears is what she would be wearing every day if she was dressing appropriately) for a ceremonial occasion. Not just any ceremonial occasion, but one of her inventing.  
> -The realm of the Great Hunter is in the sky. The night sky, specifically. He gaits around, firing arrows -shooting stars- at prey. This will be heavily elaborated on in about ten chapters.  
> -The Dai Li don't care who you are, if you fail to properly address their currently chosen monarch correctly, they will dish out their version of punishment.  
> -Mori has a very busy schedule with a neverending backlog.  
> -Geng are 2.4 hours long (2 hours 24 minutes) but when Mori uses the term geng he's rounding down to mean a little more than two hours.   
> -Emperor fun fact: Mori's right. He has no legal authority to name Katara a Princess.  
> -New Taku fun fact: Lao Beifong doesn't have the authority to name her a Princess either. Not that it'll stop him from doing it and pretending he has legitimacy.  
> -The lands of Xishan will return.  
> -Mori's story refers to the Mechanist's journeying.  
> -The small toy in biplanes is a gyroscope. Gyroscopes are essential for flight. They help tell which way is down. I could see airbenders inventing toys that are meant to be used with airbending, like a gyroscope being flipped upside down and yet still 'pointing' down.  
> -As Mori said, the Avatar might have responsibilites, but they pale in comparison to Mori's schedule.  
> -The Umiak tribal lands -the home of Hakoda, Sokka and Katara- are courtesy the Avatar CK2 mod.   
> -Sokka's defense of technological advances is taken from canon. In 'Imbalance', he defends modernization with "machines can make things between benders and non-benders a little more equal".  
> -In another less-political world, the Emperor and Prince Sokka could be good friends.  
> -The exploded phoenix prow is a reference to Sozin's Comet.  
> -Mori admits to hypocrisy. The Dai Li aren't the stellar idols of perfection, but he can't say that to the Avatar because the Avatar's not part of the Empire.  
> -Xuan's plan, tldr:  
> -Take people, infiltrate the Air Acolytes with deception and pretending to join (there's a low bar of entry), then travel to Caldera under the guise of being Acolytes. These not-Acolytes will relay information from Caldera and can assist with future espionage actions.  
> -If you think about it, a lot of Xuan's plan is quite...dark. Such is the nature of running a secret police organization.  
> -


	48. Bloodlines and Good Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor gets a lifelong companion and meets some Ministers who know what they're doing!

Chapter One Hundred and Fourteen:

I thought tracking down the Empress would be hard. Normally, she’d be as far from all the Ministers and their huddled-like-otter-penguin masses as possible. Not this day. I snapped my mount’s reins and rode down the pathway that cut the Inner and Outer Court in twain. Gongs sounded, statues formed their lines, the usual. From the top of my one existing eye, I spotted the teenage Empress, in all her regal attire, relaxing on top of a giant staircase. Why the top of my eye? Because the staircase is just that big. The flocks of turtle-ducks,  _ no, up here we call our turtle-ducks Ministers,  _ were in a state of confusion. On the one hand, they had the oh so critical Afternoon Court to attend to. That’s cause enough for them to form a milita’s attempt at a rider square -a blob- and march towards the Thousand Steps and go to Court.  _ Except they can’t, because I arrived _ . And as they all know very well, when the Emperor and his dozen-odd retinue arrive, all thousand or so of them have to split apart and wait until I pass. Even if I wasn’t here, on the other much more iron-based hand, the Empress was sitting on  _ top  _ of those steps, eating lunch.  _ Thank you unnecessary footman, _ I hopped off my ostrich horse, committed the wonderful head-bop-ground action of a kowtow, then got up and walked  _ past  _ all these very intelligent, very competent, quite loyal, ministers, and marched up the stairs to physically retrieve the Empress since a normal shout is neither appropriate or legal. Lots of stair climbing -no wonder my leg muscles are so much stronger, thanks for commenting that the other day Imperial Attendants, I’m climbing  _ this  _ to get to my home- later, I got to the top. Correction, I got to the Toph.  _ She’s not a title, you buffoon. Maybe she is, what am I going to do, implicate my own thoughts for calling her ‘the’ Toph since there’s only one Toph? No. _

“Wasn’t there the matter of kicking one Twinkletoes into one Lake Laogai?” I asked the young woman sitting on the stairs, refusing the half-dozen plates and associated cutlery, opting for good old ripping and tearing of meat off a bone. “And  _ I’m  _ supposed to track him down? He’s supposed to be an excellent firebender, let him come!”  _ But...you can’t fight firebenders. Feet. Feet getting burned.  _ Wait who am I kidding? She took on an  _ airship  _ filled with firebenders with all the efficiency of me taking on a defenseless duck-goose standing in front of me with my hunting bow.  _ Wait, who am I kidding, though? Her feet could get burned. Except the Avatar won’t do that.  _ So I did what any reasonable person would do and addressed the idle Captain Wuhan. “Can we summon the Avatar? We’ve got a really-”  _ okay it is a dumb fight but don’t let them know that _ , “-amazing fight to watch.” The Captain, being somewhat unaware of the two of us and our bonkers planning, replied with “I don’t think the Avatar would  _ want  _ to fight Her Imperial Majesty. There’s a thousand of us running around and if he so much as staggers Her Imperial Majesty, he’ll face a couple surface-to-air rock volleys. And my  _ dao _ .”  _ No Captain, you don’t get it. We like fighting the Avatar. Toph gets tired of wrestling me and I’m the closest thing to an Avatar if bloodlines count, so of course she wants to fight the real deal. Correction, she’d also probably want to wrestle Suki, but Suki has a job.  _ Toph finished ripping a piece of some kind of thigh-muscle-meat off the bone of this pig-chicken thigh she was gnawing on, chewed it into its completion, then  _ tossed  _ the bone to me.  _ How am I supposed to catch these things?  _ I did not, instead it chose to take flight -as  _ living  _ pig chickens are known to do- and fly off the Thousand Steps, only to likely smack some poor, poor, overly corrupt, Minister on his head down below. Toph, well nourished, reassured her bodyguard. “Captain, I’ll be fine. It’s the Avatar who’ll need a small army to protect him.” and I guess being told that she needs to be protected was enough to make the  _ I’m not moving  _ earthbender get up and move. She quietly grumbled “If you want to get something done, you’ve got to do it yourself” before taking off down the  _ but-that’s-such-a-long-climb  _ Thousand Steps. 

She hopped  _ back  _ into her private Imperial Palanquin -not the big version, the sedan-chair version- and a small army of people escorted her the grand total of a hundred paces to do rock-based things to the airbender. Being not as quick,  _ that’s meant as both a comment on my intelligence and my speed _ , I chased her and -an embarrassing amount of time later- got back on the ostrich horse I had dismounted a few  _ fen  _ earlier. I’m probably not allowed to take my ostrich horse and ride  _ into  _ the mob of ministers, but I went and did it anyways because I’d like to reach the Avatar before Toph does so I can do all the flamboyantly pompous announcing, think ‘here’s all her titles, oh, and she’s amazing, and she’s also the Empress, and you’re going to go flying and not in a airbending kind of way,’ because that’s my job. With my small retinue of bodyguards, I rode up to the Avatar’s residence and… the sky bison was there.  _ Meaning the Avatar’s probably inside doing Avatar things _ . I got back off this ostrich horse and walked up to the front door. 

_ Bang. Bang. Bang.  _ “Avatar! Her Imperial Majesty, so called-” and of course I ran off her titles and statuses and other names and other titles by memory, barely able to reach the conclusion before a frazzled haired Princess -kind of Princess- of the Southern Water Tribe opened the door and annoyily said “Oh will you just cram it?”  _ You’re so dead for so many reasons _ .  _ Listen, I get that all the title-announcing is kind of repetitive but it ain’t the Empire if we aren’t talking about how superior and great we are to everyone else while the rest of the Empire’s on fire or being plagued by daofei _ . Instead of having this woman executed for waking up on the wrong side of,  _ actually no you look like you woke up face-slammed the floor, trust me, _ a bed,  _ note, it’s the afternoon and you looked totally composed earlier in the morning so what’s the deal now? _ , I responded with “Can you just get me the Avatar? The Empress wants to fight him.” and she slammed the door in my face. I stroked my few chin hairs and wondered what to do.

I heard  _ laughing  _ and turned around, looking for the source. A turn to the right revealed two Dai Li agents, one of whom was silent and the other was losing his mind,  _ laughing _ . “Be quiet, Wei”  _ Oh it’s you two.  _ “Why? Nobody’s got the stones to stand up to-” but the happy-voiced Wei was cut off by his bored counterpart. “Because it’s  _ wrong _ . We should go kill her for being so wrong.” and he walked up to me. “Your Majesty, pardon us, we have to go make the Southern Waterbending style extinct” and he pardoned me,  _ or maybe himself _ , with walking past.  _ I’d rather not die in a blaze of air-based hurricanes, water-based floods, earth-based fissures and fire-based fire.  _ “You’ve got to fill out some papers first!” I shouted to him. That got the determined Shen to stop and ask “Papers? What papers, Your Majesty?” Thankfully for me, the easygoing Wei backed me up. “Of course. You want to execute a foreigner belonging to the Avatar’s company, you’ve got to fill out a ‘Request to kill the Avatar and or his companions’ paper.”  _ Is that actually a paper? You didn’t read my mind so… what?  _ “We have those?” the stern Shen asked. “We do. Nobody ever files them because the Avatar’s a bit of a coward and he’s not going to threaten us with-” and the door slammed open. “What did you two say about the Avatar?” the towel-wearing waterbender yelled at us. Shen immediately bowed and apologized, “I’m Agent Shen, and on behalf of the entire Dai Li-”  _ slam _ . The waterbender had had enough of us and our nonsense, it seems, and slammed the door in the agent’s face. And she walked away. “Thanks Wei…” Shen looked about ready to smack him, “No problem” and Wei gleamed like the Sun. By the time us and our nonsense was done, the Empress arrived to bring yet more nonsense. And horns. Lots of horns. The three of us got into a kowtow -for me- and a pair of Dai Li bows for the pair of agents. Even if Wei and Shen are Wei and Shen, they’re still servants of the Badgermole Throne. As are the Imperial Guards. And everyone else. 

“Where’s Twinkletoes?” she shouted with her  _ if-anyone-says-anything-they’re-getting-a-boulder-to-the-face  _ voice. I told the person who was probably going to toss a boulder at me “I have no idea, probably inside.” “Didn’t I order you to  _ fetch  _ him?” she asked, annoyed. “No” I responded. In a flash, she calmed down. “Oh. Nevermind then.”  _ Well that was easy _ . She hit the ground and pulled a stone seat out, then fell backwards onto it. “Kyoshi! Tell Twinkletoes I’ll be waiting here” she ordered. And as I’m her...speaker? Representative?  _ I forgot the official title _ , I rose from my kowtow, turned, and walked up to the door. In my most formal shouting voice, “Her Imperial Majesty has a message for His Holiness, the Avatar, otherwise known as Twinkletoes!” 

The door re-opened and I was greeted by the  _ what-are-you-still-doing-here  _ face of a waterbender who was clearly partway through a shower and had to keep stopping the shower to answer the door.  _ Don’t you have a brother? Or the Avatar? Are you the one responsible person?  _ “What’s the message?” she couldn’t sound more wound up if she was a metallic spring powering some piece of machinery. “Officially, Her Imperial Majesty awaits the Avatar ‘out here.’” and I palm-gestured to the young woman picking her teeth. “Ten Thousand Years.” and I bowed to the waterbender. She put her hands on her hips and, annoyed,  _ I know, my formal tone is repulsively formal _ , asked “and what’s the unofficial message?”  _ I don’t know how to put this, but you smell great. I’m jealous.  _ “Whatever soap brand you’re using is great. Is it tiger-seal pancreas? Or otter-seal?” As it turns out, I’m not a master wordbender. The master waterbender took great offense at my comment. “Are you trying to flirt?” and I think her eyebrows tried to break through the ceiling.  _ No. No. Don’t waterskin my face. Last time you did that, I had my eye bruised and my mind staggered slightly. Not that the bruise lasted long, within a day I lost the eye to a duel. Also, no, I’m not trying to flirt _ . “No, I’m just…” and in a more defeated voice “jealous.” She cracked up laughing. “You? Jealous? Don’t you have ‘everything in the world?’”  _ Hey don’t mock my voice, even if true _ . “I’m forbidden from taking showers.” and I swapped to sound like a depressed poet reciting his awful works in the streets, “I yearn for the pleasure, the sweet release of, taking a shower. With actual good imported soaps.” Because Katara is  _ not  _ a resident of our lands, she did not understand the subtext of that. Wei and Shen did. Or Wei did. And he chuckled. “Be quiet, Wei” Shen reprimanded him. Then the door slammed in my face again. I turned around and told Toph “I delivered the message.” She removed her fingers from her teeth and replied “I’m glad you told me. It’s not like I was sitting here or anything. And as for showers, you’re  _ always  _ welcome to a mud bath with me.” “I…” I raised my finger to debate why a mud bath isn’t a shower, but before I could continue she dismissed me to “Go do something more fun than sitting here all day. I’ll wait here” I was about to debate that, then she pointed at me. “Get going, Kyoshi.” I looked at the pair of Dai Li agents, they bowed to her, so I paid my kowtowing respects too.

After paying my respects, I got on an ostrich horse and rode  _ back  _ to the Imperial Palace. I had nothing to do for however many  _ dian  _ it would take the Avatar to stop doing whatever he was doing in a backroom -probably drawing up a charter for an embassy- and I for one wanted to stay as far away from flying mountains as possible since I can’t bend anything more than my limbs. So I rode back into the Inner Courtyard. At this point, most of the Ministers were ascending the Thousand Steps at the speed of change. I could either force myself in to listen to a speech on building guest houses and definitely not embezzling money or  _ I could hold my own Court out here!  _ I trotted through the crowd, because of my arrival the Ministers had to get out of the way, and up to the foot of the giant staircase. Once there, I turned around and shouted “Do any of you want to hold Court out here?” Most of the Ministers turned around, looked at me, and shook their heads. Someone aptly stated that “Court is inside, not outside, Your Majesty. This isn’t where the Court is taken.”  _ But it’s the Court-yard. It’s the yard of Courts. That’d be like the Imperial Armory storing weapons, not armor. I mean...it does. But the point stands. It stands on quicksand, but it sands. I mean stands.  _ Not all the Ministers agreed with this consensus. “Of course, Your Majesty, I’ll be happy to hold a meeting out here.” stated one man at the head of his small platoon of deputies, and “Surely more progress can be made out here with Your Majesty’s Kyoshi-minded determination” from a different man at the head of his four person squad of people. 

So we decided to hold a two-minister one-Emperor Court outside off to the side of the main pathway and in the shadow of the Thousand Steps. A fallen piece of pig-chicken thigh watched us from its elusive corner. I’m sure other people were also watching us from the shadows and  _ so what _ . So who were these two Ministers and how come they weren’t idiots? One was a man with bamboo-thin legs, the Minister Coach. He likely has never ridden the animals he is responsible for. The other was an olive-complexed man who looked nothing like me, the Minister of the Imperial Clan. San and Arik, respectively, both in their mid-sixties. “And do the two of you have any pressing matters?” I asked. In the Empire, anything and everything is a pressing matter except things that are actually pressing matters. Asking this question and hearing a ‘no’ means you aren’t in or affiliated with the Imperial Court. It’s a polite way of recognizing that whatever  _ their  _ matters are are more important than everyone else’s equally nonsensical matters. The two Ministers kowtowed, “Yes, Your Majesty”, and it was up to me to choose who was first. So I pointed at the olive-complexed man, Arik, because  _ what exactly can you possibly have for me to deal with _ ?

“Upon inspection of the Imperial Registry, I have come to the conclusion that the Earth Islanders of the South Sea are distant relatives of yours.” _Okay, so we’re starting with this. Right. Just...get right into the deep stuff. No small talk? Okay then_. He produced a scroll from his sleeves. I gave him that, _you can read it,_ look. Arik continued speaking. “It always confused me how someone as popular with the peasants as the Late Earth Avatar, Kyoshi, could only possess one sect of followers. I sent my deputies out to the Earth Islands to conduct a cultural survey. While her blood does not run through their veins, Kyoshi’s culture does.” I’ve never heard something so boringly interesting. _So there’s more nutcases like Suki and I? That’s wonderful. A whole army of crazy Kyoshi worshipping maniacs? Maybe with skis? And bows? And Clear Whiskey? I love it._ “Yes, yes, ignore my existential pause.” I told him, trying to encourage his aged voice to continue. “These officials went to the Earth Islands and discovered a nearly identical culture to that which Your Majesty may find familiar. They share a great many similarities.” _Stop teasing me with the appetizer already! Just get to the main course!_ “They possess blue clothing, live on islands with steep mountains and conifer forests, the islands themselves are subpolar climates, they face occasional raids from the Beihai Pirates much as Your Majesty faced raids from the Chin-” _the Chin. Yes. I’m glad their little town was set ablaze last year_. “-They have a similar culture of hot tubbed saunas, ski usage, and bowhunting. In honor of the Avatar’s campaigns against Southern Water Tribe based pirate movements, they also possess statues that venerate the late Earth Avatar. Their spiritual beliefs are rooted in the late Earth Avatar, much like Your Majesty’s homeland.” _So...there’s more of us._ If only his rambling was coherent, I might actually be more excited about this. 

I hit him with a bowhunter’s volley - _ note, if you’re volleying while hunting, you’re doing it wrong _ \- of questions. “How many of them are there? What are their residences like? How are they ‘related’ to us?” He bowed, a humble genuine bow, and answered thm. “Across all the Southern Earth Islands, maybe two hundred thousand in total living in scattered villages, hidden hamlets and the occasional port town. The largest of these towns is Chwa, part of the territory of Luzhu Island, and it has a population of twenty thousand. Our censuses are not complete and it’s nearly impossible to track down every last village especially when most of them don’t want to be found. As for their relation to Your Majesty, they come from the same culture group and see themselves as spiritual successors to the Avatar’s breed of ethics. Many claim descendancy from Yokoyans who were assisted by the Avatar, making them distant if unrecognized relatives to Your Majesty. Some of the late Earth Avatar’s children went on to live in these islands.”  _ Yes but… you don’t just go backwards in a family tree.  _ If I was alone, which I thought I was, then I’d say ‘great, what’s the point?’. Instead I was jumped by the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors who went “You’re looking nice and fancy today” which made me jump and shriek while my fancy hat fell forward onto my face. Then I was hugged. Because there’s nothing like being jumped, scared, and hugged in the span of an eye-blink. “Do you… just jump people for the fun of it? It’s  _ not  _ funny, it’s a total not funny move-” _ okay fine Suki I get it you like hugs I’ll be quiet.  _ “I heard we have distant cousins.” the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors said with a gleaming smile. “Distant and unrecognized and...possibly related...Suki.”  _ ow, please don’t shove me out of the way _ . “Ignore him, he’s just being picky.” she couldn’t sound more like a mother if she tried.  _ Also I’m the Emperor, you can’t just-...actually you just did so who am I to judge.  _ Then she turned to the confused pair of Ministers and spoke to them. 

With all the happiness of someone who just discovered they have distant relatives who also happen to do the same things they do, “Sure they count as part of our extended family. They count like the Kyoshi Islanders count! And you said that they’re relatives of Kyoshi’s children?” The Minister nodded. Suki jumped up and down, cheering, like a bit of a fanatical lunatic.  _ Also known as my cousin _ . “Woohoo! Go us!” I put my hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay.” A  _ fen  _ of her cheering later, she returned to reality. Or so I thought. “If some of them are descendants of Kyoshi, then they’re our family!” and she shook me, furiously. “T...h...a...n...k you for that.” and she let me go. “Even if they aren’t, anyone who follows our great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother's beliefs is welcome to be like our adopted family.” I don’t know if Suki has the authority to do these things, but I also didn’t want to be politely  _ shoved  _ out of the way so one eager teenager could state her thoughts, and of course I value my cousin’s opinion more than my own so  _ go right ahead _ . The Minister  _ also  _ looked happy. He bowed to her and explained “To do this...we’d need to establish a system to recognize who is actually of His Imperial Majesty’s blood and who isn’t, Captain.” “It’s easy. There’s a handful of us with Kyoshi’s blood in us and the rest are Islanders who are descendants of Yokoyans.” This prompted the Minister to ask “May I get an explanation to overwrite the current Imperial Registry’s documentation on why the Line of Kyoshi has dwindled?” Suki  _ and I  _ chuckled at the same time. “Do you want to tell him?” she asked between bouts of chuckling. “Sure I will” I stated as head-strong as the Empress. 

“So we’re all crazy. There’s supposed to be an entire family tree of us but our entire family tree has thrown itself into near extinction in the name of fighting the Chin and following insane whiskey-fueled dares.” The Minister stroked his beard. “This is what the Imperial Registry says, I just...” but even with all his wisdom, he trailed off. Suki fixed this for me. “He’s not joking, it’s true,” then she gave me a pat on the back and said “I’ll take this.” So I backed off, metaphorically and literally, and let my cousin,  _ you’re the best by the way _ , take the metaphorical stage. 

“The descendants of Kyoshi, even our ancestors, were lunatics. Seven of them died young in duels with the Chin-backed  _ daofei _ . At least ten, possibly more, got absolutely hammered, went swimming, and froze to death. Only a few usually lived to be a hundred-and-something and die peacefully in their sleep. His father died fighting in the Colonies and mine’s still alive. And we also don’t have large families. I’ve got one sister and other than her, the fancy-dressed man standing next to me, myself, and my father, there’s none of us left.”  _ And we all died a few nuts short of a fruit pie _ . And yes, there’s folktales about how  _ most  _ of my family tree died doing things far from remotely sane. The Minister, after digesting everything he heard, requested our opinions on “how we would incorporate all these Earth Islanders.”  _ I… do we even have the authority to do this?  _ “Suki, can you even make this decision?” I asked, skeptical. “Of course, Minister Arik named me the Imperial Representative of the Imperial Clan” and she grinned. She grinned like a kid who just got away with a prank and nobody will recognize that she did it until far too late.  _ Why does she get this power? Wait… maybe because she actually knows her -our- family. That would make sense _ . Suki, taking authority for this, postulated “Minister, we could request representatives from each territory.” The Minister tapped his scroll. “This...would be possible, my lady. We could have four high representatives, one to an island. Luzhu, Linkou, Karokou and Yonaguni. Then, each main town could get a representative.” Honestly, as excited as I was for all this, I couldn’t see the logistics of all this. I also can’t tell distance. “Suki, do you want to handle this?” and she nodded with passion. I trust my loyal cousin to handle that which I can’t possibly handle. Why give it to her? As aforementioned, she knows our culture, our people, and how the integration would work far better than I. 

Free of this, I pointed at the other Minister and offered “Let’s talk elsewhere.” The Minister Coach and I, his deputies and my guards, left Suki and the Minister of the Imperial Clan to their discussion. We set off on walking along the edge of the larger-than-life foundation of the Imperial Palace. “What matter did you wish to bring to me, Minister?” I inquired. He stuffed his hands in his sleeves. “With respect to Your Majesty, I was organizing the logistics for an event the Earth Kings haven’t held in generations. A Great Hunt.”  _ A Great Hunt? Right, of course _ . 

Explanation time: Long ago, the Earth Kings would showcase their supremacy over  _ all  _ of the continent, both animal and man, by engaging in elaborate hunts with their personal bodyguards, a retinue of government officials, his extended family, and the top military commanders of the Royal Army. Now, the Earth Kings did not grow up in the hunting lands of Xishan or the Northern Air Temple’s foothills, and as such the tradition doubled as an opportunity for the Earth King to oversee his elite troops and their training. The Earth King’s success at such hunts proved the superior martial skill of his lineage. Of course, as with the rest of the old dynasty, it declined in value as the Earth Kings travelled less and less from the Royal Palace until the Earth Kings from Dai Li-based recorded history never left Ba Sing Se. 

This was probably the easiest request, ever. “I would love to reinstate the Grand Hunts. I love hunting.” and my comment brought a smile to his face. “That was as I suspected, Your Majesty. This is why I opted to hold a conversation out here. The other Ministers might get caught up in Summer Palaces, I would prefer to reinstate ancient traditions.”  _ A man after my own goals _ . “When and how would we go about such a hunt? Explain everything.” and I set to following him as he led me, as he said, “To the Imperial Stables for further investigation.”

“Traditionally, the Hunt was held in the early fall or mid-spring. The old Royal Hunting Preserve in southeastern Zhengxing, the far west of Beidiqiu, was where it would be held. A force of the Imperial Guard would have to be mustered as escort, the land cleared of squatters and poachers, clothes for Your Majesties fashioned, ostrich horses and hunting wolfdogs prepared…” and he sighed, as if he was unsuccessful at  _ something _ , “...it’s a lot of work to be prepared. We’d be ready for such a hunt come the early spring, Your Majesty.” In other words, this man might actually do his job, as Minister Coach it’s theoretically his responsibility since he oversees the stables and I  _ guess  _ someone could interpret that to be ‘Minister of the Stables and the Preserves’ since all those ostrich horses have to be raised somewhere and it’s not the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se. Oh, and more truthfully, the Minister Coach, at one point or another in history,  _ did  _ oversee the Great Hunts. I asked this in response to his sighing. “Then why have you chosen to converse with me now? Not later?”  _ I don’t mind, this conversation is far more interesting than ‘we need a new guest house in the Imperial River Palace’ _ . He pointed at...a building?  _ I can’t read your mind, stop being vague _ , “The Earth Kings of old, no disrespect meant, Your Majesty, would have a personal investiture in the logistics of the creation of the hunt.”  _ That’s… a lot of words. Some of those words mean things. I’m confused _ . He could probably tell from my eyebrow scratching expression that I had no idea what he was talking about. “I request Your Majesty to accompany me to my offices for some...picking...purposes.”  _ Picking? Picking what? And why?  _ “Can you stop being vague?” I asked, instead he just coughed into his arm.  _ Ministers. Can’t get anywhere with them. Even when they’re nice _ . 

Since when would Toph care for hunting? She’s  _ blind _ . She can’t ride an ostrich horse, she can’t use a bow or a hunting spear. I asked this to the Minister while we walked. “Her Imperial Majesty does not care for hunting, Minister.” But this San man knew this already. “And, Your Majesty? Her Imperial Majesty does not need to participate first-hand in such hunts. Your Majesty can represent the Badgermole Throne.”  _ Wait...so I finally get to do something here? Wonderful.  _ “I also don’t think Her Imperial Majesty wants to wear hunting clothes.” To this, he laughed. “Does Her Imperial Majesty not care for a fine moose-lion pelt? No living individual has seen the elaborate clothes hewn from the kills of the Earth Kings of old. I imagine even the Avatar would be amazed.” Now, I know he’s being poetic about how great a Great Hunt is,  _ it’s pretty great _ , but I needed to correct him on one thing. “The Avatar wants to preserve ‘all life’ including mosquito-flies, Minister.” The two of us chuckled at my comment. “I imagine his lover and her brother would love a fine pelt.” Don’t tell the Avatar that if he truly wanted to preserve all life, his waterbending companion and her brother would probably have to give up their entire culture -not really a culture, but it’s better than ‘let’s live on a mountaintop and tell everyone else how much higher and superior we are while pretending to be humble peasants- of sustenance based living. I can’t wait to see -assuming I could see that far- how  _ that  _ conversation goes. ‘I’d like to raise our heir to hunt, as the last Southern Waterbender there’s some traditions that I am the sole keeper of’ dueling ‘I’m an Air Nomad and we don’t kill things’.  _ Of course, let us not begin on the absolute hilarity that is a pacifist monarch running a ‘free city’ that’s had more bloodshed than the rest of the Four Nations combined. The holiest land likes to bleed the most. Nobody cares about some farmstead somewhere. But a site holy to most ethnic groups? Ha.  _

Anyways, we walked until we reached a large facility shaped like a farmhouse barn, except much  _ -much _ \- larger and gilded. A sign ran across the top of the double-door entryway, “The Imperial Stables, Imperial Palace Grounds” and beneath it, “Ten Thousand Years to the Badgermole Throne!” A pair of Imperial Guard,  _ I didn’t know you fellows were responsible for this place as well, though perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised _ , stood outside the doors. Upon spotting me, they kowtowed and ordered “Open the doors! The Emperor!”. The Minister Coach was into his own, like a hunter in the forest, here. Individuals dressed as courtiers and court officials would kowtow to me, then to him. “What brings Your Majesty here?” one of these court official-dressed men asked. “His Imperial Majesty followed me. I’m here to showcase our Imperial Hunting Wolfdogs to His Imperial Majesty.”  _ Wolfdogs? The crazy, hard to tame, fierce…  _ I wasn’t going to question it. I’ve got a small group of Imperial Guard with me and if this turns out to be an assassination attempt, my Piandao- _ jian  _ will run red by the time the sun sets. 

I walked through a wide hangar-sized room, a small selection of ostrich horse mounts on either side,  _ small _ because apparently these are just the ostrich horses picked for the two of us, that is, Toph and I, to have as a variety of options. Because when going on a Grand Hunt, extra ostrich horses are brought along should the one we ride on get gored by a moose-lion or die from an intense day-and-night pursuit of game. There’s hundreds,  _ thousands _ , more ostrich horses out in the Upper Ring, all used by the Imperial Guard and the First Division of the Army of the Center. After walking through  _ one  _ giant hangar-sized room, I crossed a small road -small is subjective, it was as wide as a small thoroughfare- and reached another barn-like structure. Granted, this one was about the size of a barn. This one bore a sign, “The Imperial Wolfdog Kennels” and, as with the rest, “Ten Thousand Years to the Badgermole Throne!” beneath it. Green light illuminated the whole room from a central row of dangling lanterns. Everyone we passed kowtowed. A pair of Imperial Guard,  _ okay so no assassination attempts, great _ , escorted a man towards us. He was dressed in Imperial Guard armor but wearing a thick fur pelt. “Your Majesty! It is beyond a privilege” his thick northern voice declared. Then, he whistled and yelled “Wolfdogs! Kowtow!”  _ now that’s not a command I often hear _ . I looked at their kennels and, get this, the animals laid down, resting on their back legs, stretching their front legs out and dipping their heads to the ground. They were  _ kowtowing.  _ Wolfdogs. Kowtowing.

After I recovered from the amazing dose of nonsense I just saw, I asked, with wide -one-eyed- amazement “You trained them for this?” “They are trained for fealty and service. If we are supposed to properly bow, why not our loyal companions?”  _ Some people, ahem, the Avatar, would disagree with you. But I agree! It’s always good to bow correctly. _ I looked at the Minister, because I was curious of where he was going with this. “You brought me here to oversee the-” I respect these large animals, well, not as large as the mythical beasts that have taken to flying around us, “-companions we’d take on our hunt?” He nodded. “I wished to demonstrate the cohesion that our wolfdogs possess.”  _ Cohesion? Wait...are you telling me that our wolfdogs are better trained than the Imperial Army?  _ Only partly jesting, I offered “Have at it then” “Guards, take the Imperial Wolfdogs outside and let’s give a brief demonstration to His Imperial Majesty!” Note, the Minister sounded much less like a hobbling old man and more like someone who was passionately interested in what was happening.

My Imperial Guards built a stone seat -atop a stone platform- for me to reside on while the “Masters of the Wolfdogs” ordered their packs -without any kind of leash- out into the pastureland behind the barn. Each man had four wolfdogs following him around. A man would whistle and his companions would  _ form up _ in a two-by-two row. A man may point at a target, yell “attack!” and the four wolfdogs would charge a stone pillar, growling and  _ howling  _ at it since they couldn’t bite down on stone. They somehow  _ know  _ they can’t bite down on stone.  _ Okay so they’re smarter than the average Imperial Army soldier, too _ . And each soldier could order them to return to their owner and the four would regroup into their formation. The Minister went over their capabilities as both hunters and fighters. They are trained to hamstring an ostrich horse or a moose-lion and, generally, they love going for the limbs of their prey. While all this insanity took place, the Avatar and his sky bison returned  _ -where was he?-  _ from somewhere to the south. His sky bison flew over us, ignored us, and landed in the direction of the glinting Imperial Palace.

Seeing the Avatar enjoying his flying companion reminded me of something. _Toph’s got a badgermole, Zuko’s got a fire-breathing dragon, the Avatar’s got a kindhearted bison._ _Where’s my animal companion?_ And no, Sokka and Katara do not count, they opted to join the Avatar and the three became one team. Also, the Water Tribes are boring and cold. They probably _eat_ whatever animals they could tame. The Imperial Guard continued their performance, demonstrating _flanking_ with their wolfdog packs, aggressive frontal charges, and the craziest of all? These animals that I’ve never seen before in my life -and I know I don’t see lots of things but I’m serious- knew that they should bow to me. I asked the man with the fur cape and he told me “well, they’re trained to kowtow because they see portraits of Your Majesty, Your Majesty.” _What portraits?_ My next question? “What portraits? Are they portraits I’d be proud of?” _Because if they’re not I’m burning them_. He chuckled. “Of course. They’re the propaganda posters, Your Majesty.” _Propaganda...posters. Oh. Oh! Those!_ “So...the ones where everything behind me is on fire and I’m standing on some firebender’s helmet while posing?” and the man looked around at my bodyguards before _all of them_ broke into laughter. I like the Imperial Guard. Not as stuck-up as the Dai Li but still quite formal. When they need to be. _Well...Wei ain’t stuck-up, your argument is pointless_. _No it isn’t. The Imperial Guard are more fun_. “Yes...those ones, Your Majesty. And the ones that were designed to recruit people to the Imperial Army. And the ones where Your Majesty is flying in a biplane.” _Am I a walking recruitment advertisement? Actually...blue clothes, fancy hat, missing eye, golden scabbard, dishes out punch-iments...yes_. _Yes, I am_. 

One bottle of Clear Whiskey later,  _ thank you Imperial Guard _ , and my mind stopped running around with questions and started getting serious. As serious as I can get when I just consumed  _ the  _ strongest of beverages. How serious was I? “Guard, I’d like an animal companion for life!”  _ Yup, that serious. And by serious I mean it’s bonkers time!  _ The soldiers looked at me, the  _ Minister  _ looked at me, and everyone held their breath like I just ordered everyone to hold their breath. “What? Is my request  _ too  _ insane? If Her Imperial Majesty can get a boat-ride to the Northern Water Tribe, surely I can get this!” but no, they weren’t denying my request, just...a bit aback.  _ None of you have met Toph, have you? You want random desires? Try ‘we’re going to Earth Rumble by travelling through heavily populated daofei lands’.  _ Correction, the Minister wasn’t. San looked at me and smiled. “This is what I hoped Your Majesty would say. Past monarchs had hunting wolfdogs that’d join them for the hunts.” I nodded along and when he was done, drunkenly said “No, no, I want one  _ for life _ .” He smiled once more. “That will be arranged” and he ordered something to the fur-caped Kennelmaster. “Wolfdogs, line up!” the Kennelmaster yelled. And the Imperial Guards and their wolfdogs formed a line. Wolfdogs in front, men behind. The fur-caped man turned to his animal friends and shouted a speech. A  _ speech _ . “One of you will have the greatest privilege of all wolfdogs of this generation! You shall commit your life to the service of the second-highest-ranked person in the Empire! Which of you wants this?” and guess what, the wolfdogs, not being people, didn’t talk back to him. But they did  _ howl _ . They howled as a coherent pack of animals may howl. Or one General Fong. I got off my stone seat and had the whiskey-fueled task of  _ picking  _ one of these good boys. 

They had coats of white-and-black, black-and-white, dark brown-and-black, white-with-a-little-black, brown-and-white, and so on. Nearly any combination I could picture, they had it. I slowly walked down the line, as if I was examining the troops.  _ And you are akin to troops, aren’t you?  _ The Kennelmaster joined my examination. He offered me some advice. “Give them this, Your Majesty, and they’ll love you” and he handed me some meat that looked and felt awfully similar to jerky.  _ Wait, you boys love jerky? One of you’s going to be right at home with us _ . Some of them howled, some of them stayed quiet, some of them opted to kowtow. Their masters smiled as I passed, though the fur-caped commander reminded me that “whoever Your Majesty picks, his human companion will feel saddened at the loss and celebrate one of his own being picked. Just as one would send their son off to become a ward, one of these men would be sending one of their sons off to become a ward of a different sort.” I found it...touching, in a way. These men all had the faces of people who didn’t want to give up their companions, but hid it behind pride. Lots and lots of pride. And some gratitude.  _ Whoever I pick has the highest prestige a wolfdog could have _ . 

And then I saw  _ him _ .

Two-thirds of the way down this procession, I came upon one wolfdog with a top-coat of copper-red and an underside of white. The ridge of his back was bright copper in tone, a rough line of this copper color ran from his head down to his tail. The rest of his back was a duller copper. His ears, pointed, bore the same reddish hue on their exteriors and whites on the interiors. He possessed two light brown eyes, too dark to be of amber and too light to be considered brown. Like some of his brothers, he opted to kowtow when I passed. But there was something too...wonderful about this boy. I felt a connection that I couldn’t explain. He and I shared hair color. He lacked my blue eye,  _ once eyes _ , but he made up for it with a wagging tongue. Who could say no to such a wonderful boy? I handed him a piece of meat, he licked it up, then proceeded to lick my hand. If I’ve learned anything from Toph, licking is a sign of a good bond. 

I looked to his master, a young man who must’ve read my mind -it’s hard not to, I wear my thoughts on my overly fancy wear- and stated, sniffing up his tears, “so this is Nan Zhong. He chased some thug across the entire Upper Ring before ripping his leg off.” This...Zhong fellow’s master walked forward and knelt beside him. “Who’s mad? You are!” and the wolfdog licked the man’s face before looking back at me, turning his head slightly, and wagging his tongue.  _ I like you _ . I opted to get on my knee and look this Zhong fellow in the eye. I could’ve had my face ripped off, but that’s part of the fun of rulership, isn’t it? Instead, he howled. I offered him another piece of jerky and he took a step forward and licked my face.  _ Well this ain’t coming out, but alas, who cares?  _ I gave his ears a good petting and the fur-caped Kennelmaster said “I think you’ve found your companion, Your Majesty.”  _ No kidding. He and I look quite similar _ . “I think I have” I couldn’t help but smile at this good boy licking my hand. As such, the Imperial Guard who was assigned to be this Zhong’s master drew his  _ dao  _ and punched the air. “Nan Zhong, you madman, you shall be missed! Ten Thousand Years!” and the other guards -not my bodyguards but the ones to whom this is their entire life- repeated the shout. Then the wide line of some hundred wolfdogs  _ joined  _ the chanting with howls. Still unorganized howls, but just as each boy had his own coat, each had his own personality. “How do you command him?” I asked his master. “We do not command our companions. If Your Majesty refers to a name, I suggest Nan. Zhong is his rank, but he prefers being Nan.”  _ So Nan it is. _ I suppose it’s similar to us people. I’ve got a name,  _ I’m the tree man! _ , but I’ve also got an ever-expanding list of titles. I tried my best to whistle, and whether or not I failed I do not know, because right afterwards I shouted “Nan! With me!” and… this wonderful auburn haired lunatic followed the  _ other  _ auburn haired lunatic.  _ Oh this is… great!  _ Nan almost tripped me, but that’s because he was so happy to look up at my face and wag his tongue all the time. So much panting.  _ Lots of licking of my legs, too _ . 

As I walked in the direction of the Imperial Palace, a new friend running around my legs, looking up at me, and wagging his tongue, the Minister shouted from afar “I wish Your Majesty well! I shall do what I can to organize a Grand Hunt! Expect a Memorial to the Throne within the next few days!” and I turned and offered a bow to him. The Minister, seeing my wolfdog running around and jumping like a happy good boy, genuinely smiled.  _ You know what, when the day comes that the Ministers get a-killed, you won’t be one of them _ . This Minister really  _ did  _ look like he enjoyed his duties. And I’m sure I looked like someone who was extremely happy and not-inebriated-enough. I walked along and thought to properly forewarn, or perhaps build excitement, in the heart of my coppery boy. “Nan, you thought you liked your kennel? Wait until you see where  _ I  _ sleep” and to that, he howled.  _ I know, it surprised me when I first saw it, too _ . I paused to stop and give him an ear-scratch, “And you’ll-”  _ scratch _ , “-get a spot  _ next  _ to it. I’ve got a whole bedroom I hate sleeping in.” He licked my hand.  _ Why thank you.  _ One light howl,  _ was he asking me something? _ , I thought to answer him. “No, no, it  _ is  _ my bedroom, I just don’t use it.” and he got to eye me and my grin, “I get to share a bedroom! Amazing, right!”  _ Lick _ . I guessed that he found it amazing. 

“Captain Suki! You spent the past  _ dian  _ talking about theoretical family, here’s a new member of ours!” and I pointed at the woman dressed as a Kyoshi Warrior and addressed my new friend. “She’s not food, I know, I know, she  _ looks  _ like food. She’s a  _ friend _ . Please lick her?” and he ran forward in a sprint and looked up at her and her completely confused face of  _ what-is-happening _ . “Suki! He probably wants to lick you!” I had to shout to reassure her. So she got on a knee, the Minister of the Imperial Clan took a few steps to the side to eye this event as it transpired, and Nan  _ licked  _ her face. She giggled childishly. “He’s adorable!”  _ I know.  _ She looked at him, then at me, then back at him. “Did...did you pick him because he looks just like you?”  _ No...yes...yes _ . “Yes, I did. Her Imperial Majesty and Lord Qiangyang, Wielder of the Mandate of… I think Adorability, go together well. She’s an amazing earthbender, he’s an amazing earthbender and they both have a very peculiar sense of affection. So I thought to find someone who-,” She giddily interrupted me. “I didn’t need a speech” and she rolling her eyes at my nonsensical attempt to justify that which does not need to be justified. “He’s adorable.” she repeated.  _ Lick _ . Nan likes being complimented.  _ Good on you, Nan. Also good on you for taking quickly to my cousin _ . Warning, she’s not as used to being licked by animal companions as I am.  _ Yes, I know. I’ve seen half as much as others, but that’s still lots of things to see. Oh, and get used to eye puns _ . 

After not nearly long enough time spent between Suki having a conversation with a wolfdog, said wolfdog howling questions at me like ‘why does she taste like soap’ and ‘why does she look like you but with two eyes?’ and me trying my best to respond to them, we were interrupted by a  _ different  _ animal’s arrival. An animal that introduces itself with roaring. An animal that has a small Imperial Guard escort and one of said Imperial Guard stating “Your Majesty, we were just taking His Highness to Her Imperial Majesty!”. My friend and overall second-best-auburn-haired-person, behind Suki of course, ran in front of the massive Lord Qiangyang and wagged his tongue at him. Lord Qiangyang turned his large head to me, as if to say ‘what is this tiny creature and why does he stand in my path?’ Since I don’t speak badgermole,  _ I know a girl that does, though _ , I ran up to my wolfdog friend and bowed to Lord Qiangyang. “Nan, meet His Highness, the Wielder of the Mandate of Adorability, or the Wielder of the Mandate of Adorableness.” Did Nan respect this title? Kind of, not really. Nan walked in front of me, turned around, and licked my cheek.  _ I know, I know, you like to lick my cheek, but...wait. I’m giving a speech _ . I pointed at the badgermole, who sat there pondering what was happening, and tried to formally speak as best as I could, “You are to Lord Qiangyang as I am to Her Imperial Majesty. Please don’t attack him. He  _ will  _ send you flying.” Nan whimpered. “No, no, he gets to earthbend.” Nan whimpered some more. “You’ve kowtowed to this short girl before, right?” and I held my hand at Toph’s height. Lord Qiangyang raised his talon and met me in the middle, my hand tapping his talon, with Nan just beneath the two of us looking up at the nonsense that was happening. He gave me a small whine of confusion. “No, she’s actually my boss. I know. I know.” He continued with a whine. “You can lick her, too. Just remember that she’s  _ my… _ ” Suki randomly interrupted “Girlfriend, but he’ll never-” I cut my cousin off. “Quiet Suki. I’m actually  _ her  _ friend because she’s the ruler of all of this land. So you can be her friend, too.” After a while of looking at me, he needed to  _ understand  _ what was happening, he got on his hind legs and began jumping up in excitement. While he jumped up to try and lick Lord Qiangyang’s snout, I apologized for his lack of formality. “I’m sorry for not informing you beforehand, Your Highness. Please don’t eat Nan.” Lord Qiangyang gave a small grumble, I take that to mean ‘fine, not today’, and then he put his head on the ground and licked the entirety of this already large wolfdog -wolfdogs are all tall, Nan’s head reached my waist- in one swipe of the tongue. Nan rolled backwards onto his stomach and continued his strange mixture of excited whines and confused whines. Oh, and of course, Suki just had to lose her mind laughing. I gave Nan a belly rub, my expensive robes got licked, and I waved him to follow me along. The massive Lord Qiangyang growled in annoyance, then it hit me as to  _ why _ . I walked up to him, opened my arms as if to embrace him for a hug, and got a nice slathering of badgermole tongue.  _ I can’t tell you to stop prodding my cheek with your whiskers, can I? _

The four of us, two humans and two absolutely wonderful companions,  _ and I will kill any who disagree _ , took varying paces to reach the Avatar’s Guest House where we spotted an in-the-middle-of-battle duel between a man in a waterspout and a bunch of rocks being tossed at that waterspout. Suki  _ ran  _ there, Nan gave chase to her, howling as if the call to action was his sole purpose in life, and I looked at the badgermole and shrugged. He would take absolutely as long as he desired to get there, and the small platoon of Imperial Guards escorting him were just there to quickly bring him food, nothing else. I asked him if I could run after my howling friend and my  _ other  _ friend and he seemed to not care. After all, he was giving me these growls that I’ll just assume meant ‘My Empress can handle herself’ and I was in agreement. “You’re right, Your Highness.”  _ Lick _ . His licks were like showers, if showers were made of saliva.

So I ran after Nan. This wolfdog, Spirits can he sprint! Even the Dai Li, who happened to be following me this whole time and I didn’t notice until right now, couldn’t catch up to him and his running even on their earth skates. He ran up to the gate between Inner and Outer Courtyard and  _ kowtowed  _ to it. Then he slowly walked through the gate and halted, for like me, he likes to keep a safe distance when all kinds of elements are sent flying. I caught up to him and watched the duel as it was in the middle of a duel. 

The Avatar was standing in a water spout that waxed and waned, trying to strike at the Empress with tentacles. The Empress, meanwhile, was punching rocks at the base of the waterspout, causing the Avatar to lose his balance and have to regain the spout  _ as  _ he fell. The Empress brought plates up to cut the spout out from under him so the Avatar glided right over her head. 

“Where  _ are  _ you, Twinkletoes?” she asked, holding her stance, waiting. Nan was in a wolfdog-kowtow. On the rooftop of the Avatar’s residence, Katara and Sokka sat there sharing a bowl of some kind of food. Probably meats-on-a-stick. “Kyoshi! How are you doing?” Toph asked, turning to face me. “Fine! I got a companion! He’s the best! Like Lord Qiangyang is to you!” and she interrupted this duel to smile. “That’s great to  _ hear _ !” but she was cut off by the Avatar’s foot touching the ground. She immediately back-handed struck him with a piece of pavement, sending him into the air once again. “Ha! I think Qiang’s better. What’s his name?” and I looked down at my friend, who looked back up at me and wagged his tail, “Nan Zhong! He’s a wolfdog!” and Toph took a few steps towards us. She was grinning a bit more girlishly than usual, but maybe that’s because she’s beating up the Avatar. “I’m very proud of you, Kyoshi! Does he give licks?” and the mention of that word made Nan wag his tail even more. 

“He does. Nan, go lick Her Imperial Majesty!” and my best friend sprinted across the field and stopped just in front of Toph, looking up at her submissively. The Avatar was somewhat clueless and landed yet again. This time, Toph turned around and grabbed the Avatar with a large earth fist that came out of the ground. “Wait a moment will ya?” she shouted, annoyed. Then she got on a knee and stuck her hand out. I ran over to and neared the two. She felt his face and he licked her hand. For the second time in my life, I heard her say “Aww!” unironically and unsarcastically. 

The Avatar noticed what was happening and stopped the duel. He flew up to his companions to watch this once-in-a-season-at-most - _ Lord Qiangyang in the spring, Nan in the fall _ \- event ensue. She fell onto her back while he licked her hand and her clothes and her face. She was nearly as jovial in tone as she was when we first met Lord Qiangyang. “Aww! You’re the second-best, behind Qiang!” She rubbed his head, he licked hers and messed up her bun. He then rolled over onto his back and I yelled out “Does he want a stomach rub? I think he wants a stomach rub!” and Toph got it. I ran up to the two as she rubbed his stomach. His tail looked like it was about to take flight and he had his tongue hanging out. I looked up at the ethnic-group destroyer. “What of the Avatar?” She got up and ‘looked’ up at him. “Twinkletoes! Let’s say I won since you never knocked me off my feet!” The Avatar squinted his eyes and, albeit with a mature tone, remarked “I recall making you move side-to-side!” Toph scoffed. “I won. The end” and she walked towards the center of the Courtyard. My wolfdog friend took to my side while we followed her. “Your Earthliness! You did  _ not  _ win!” the Avatar shouted as he landed not far behind us, pointing his staff at us. “If she won she won!” I shouted back at him. And Nan ran to my side and gritted his teeth. It’s almost as if he knew I was going to defend her and he joined me.  _ Aww.  _ “Come on, Nan, let’s go.” and I gave him an ear rub and took to running after the Empress. She did have an Imperial Palanquin chasing her, and she didn’t care.

Toph ran up to her badgermole friend, and mount, and said “Qiang! Have you met Nan? He’s cute.” Lord Qiangyang growled. She gave him a snout rub. “No, no, don’t worry. He doesn’t get your Mandate of Adorability.” Lord Qiangyang growled, much happier, and licked her chest. “I know, I know. He’s not replacing you” she was similarly happy. Nan came to her side and howled. “Kyoshi! Get over here!” and at her shout, I ran right up to her.

She pointed at Lord Qiangyang and then at Nan. “You two boys. You’re like sons. You  _ will  _ get along well. You  _ will  _ not fight one another. You  _ will  _ be the bestest good boys ever. Do I make myself clear?” and Lord Qiangyang let out a great roar and Nan let out a ‘Yes, Your Majesty’ howl. 

She rubbed the hair above Lord Qiangyang’s snout and Nan’s head at the same time. “Good. Now go play!”. 

And so, a lifelong bond was forged.

Oh, and Twinkletoes  _ did  _ get beat up in round two of the duel. Giant metal fists win over all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Mori takes to the skies in a new model of biplane!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for...oh forget this. Nan is the best.   
> Encyclopedic Notes for Nan-loving Folks:  
> -The chapter title is for the two big plot beats. Bloodlines for the Earth Islands reveal and Good Boys for Nan Zhong. 'Good boys' can also refer to the Ministers being literally 'good' 'boys' (err, men).  
> -Coincidentally, the two Ministers that opted to join Mori for his personal court happen to be two of the most competent ministers. When I say 'competent' I mean they're working for the Badgermole Throne, not working for themselves or their own ambitions. These ministers want some change.  
> -Luzhu, Linkou, Karokou and Yonaguni are the four 'main' islands of the Earth Island archipelago. The first three are southeast of Kyoshi Island. Each one is roughly the size of the Agrarian Zone, by landmass. The fourth is much smaller, the size of the Upper Ring, and is to the south of Kyoshi Island, just south of the eastern tip of the Southern Air Temple island chain. There are about a hundred tiny islands scattered around these four main islands. Some are windswept and devoid of any habitation. Some are subpolar tundra islands with a fishing village or two. Some are subpolar coniferous islands like Kyoshi Island with a few hamlets.   
> -The Great Hunt is inspired by/based on this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_hunt_of_the_Qing_dynasty . Both had nature preserves set aside for their hunts. Both were accompanied by a large number of ministers. Both monarchs would partake in the hunts themselves.  
> -Zhengxing is to the northwest of Ba Sing Se, located in the de jure Northern Air Temple lands. As said last chapter, their claim was tentative at best.  
> -Mosquito-flies have the following features: They have a fly's wings and a mosquito's snout. They're as numerous as flies. They have double the capacity of mosquitos. Many of them carry diseases. They're everywhere temperate. In other words, they're the stuff of nightmares.  
> -Wolfdogs are wolves + dogs. As loyal as dogs but the size of wolves. An aside, wolfdogs are a real thing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfdog   
> -Nan Zhong's name has many meanings:  
> -Loyal Baron or Loyal Southerner come to mind.   
> -What's in a name? Zhong, or Baron: A simpler title than most. Barons are low-ranked officials on the hierarchy of ranks, compared of something like Wang (King), Bo (Count) or Zi (Viscount). This reflects Mori's simplicity (he's not as flamboyant as one may think).   
> -Nan being southern is obvious. The two are from the south.   
> -Zhong meaning Loyal instead of Baron is also obvious. The two are loyal.  
> -In the world of Avatar, animals have some capability to understand communication. Badgermoles, dragons and sky bison to name a few. Wolfdogs are part of that group. This was grandfathered in through the canon, so I figured to keep it.


	49. Forward Mounted Biplane Crossbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor learns of a new aircraft invention.
> 
> It works...Imperially.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifteen:

As with always, I woke on some fine sheets and, since the season is changing, a fur blanket. Ignoring the high amount of sweating, this is a byproduct of ‘it’s almost winter so therefore Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Bedroom is outfitted with fur blankets’. As it would turn out, it’s quite comfortable. What’s also comfortable is waking up with the Empress _not_ making my chest sore with her head. I thought having _one_ person breaking all concepts of traditions and court rules was fun. _Wait no there’s also the Avatar and his two friends_. Correction, I thought having one person demanding hair pets was fun, which, to her credit, it _is_. Double correction, she doesn’t demand it but I know if I don’t give it she’ll break out the ‘I’m the Empress and my word is law!’ and because her exclamation is law I’m legally obligated to follow it lest I face execution. Triple correction, even if she didn’t demand it, I’d still offer it because that’s the fun of being the Imperial Pillow. And I like giving her hair massages. Once I was done playing with her hair -while she enjoys sleeping, of course- a completely different friend of mine decided to _also_ wake up from his small once-used-by-the-Court cushion at the other end of my room. He then strolled over to me and gave his morning greeting of “Woof!”

Now, when  _ I  _ said anything, I got instantly reprimanded because “Kyoshi, I’m trying to sleep here!” or “Kyoshi, I’m tired!” or “Kyoshi-” followed by a yawn. When he went ‘woof’ and shouted said woof -it might not actually be a shout, but compared to the preceding idyllic silence it’s loud- Her Imperial Majesty wakes from her slumber and calmly orders “Get up here, Nan.” Nan walked around to the other side of the bed, hopped on, and laid down next to the Empress and I. Toph then took her hand off my chest and rubbed his head. Once she’s done, he turned towards me and awaited my turn. I gave him a head pat and some ear-scratching. “Woof! Woof woof!” which I think means ‘are you planning to awaken or shall I return to my post? I loved those head pats by the way’. 

“What time is it even?” I asked Nan and hoped he’d tell me something.  _ I know, genius _ . Instead, someone outside, an Imperial Guard, shouted “It’s-” but Nan cut him off with some howling. “See,  _ he  _ wants to know it in Kyoshi Island time”. “It’s the early afternoon, Your Majesties!” the voice of Captain Suki clarified.  _ Early afternoon?  _ I looked at the window,  _ yes, there was light coming in _ , but there appeared to be an overcast instead of clear skies. I looked back down at the mess of hair that was Toph and softly asked “Have you been sleeping all day?” She pointed at her wrestler outfit hanging next to us, “No. I got up earlier, went to speak to some important old people, then came back-” and she wrapped her arms around me “to enjoy the company of one pillow.” I looked over at a desk with a pile of scrolls sitting next to it. “Was I writing Memorials  _ all  _ night?” Of course, because Toph is Toph, she leaned back so I could look her in her expressionless eyes and waved her hand in front of her face. “I have no idea.”  _ Yes you do. _ Instead of arguing with someone who was right, I opted to politely push her off so I could get on with my business of the day. This attracted the attention of one wolfdog and he growled at me. His growling meant something like ‘You, don’t push her off. She gives good head rubs.’ But Toph didn’t seem to mind. She grabbed a real pillow to rest on and asked “You’ve got stupid Court stuff to get to, right?” “Yes...I have some Memorials…” then it struck me, “wait, wait, I wrote down your response to the scrolls and you were asleep so does that mean all those responses are your sleep-deluded mumbles?” Because Toph has never had to deal with the bureaucratic entertainment that is the Imperial Memorial system, she laughed. “Go find out. If they’re full of me talking about how much I like wrestling and spying on unsuspecting people with my feet, then yes.”  _ But...they’re already being delivered to the Imperial Palace Assistant Clerk or the Imperial Palace Clerk’s Assistant or the Imperial Postal Man or whatever his name is.  _ “That means…” Toph raised her hand. “I don’t care. Maybe if you’d  _ stop  _ responding to all the papers and came to rest with your Empress more you’d be less worried about all of this.” and she gave me a reassuring arm punch.  _ But...you missed the entire point. If I don’t respond to those scrolls those scrolls will keep piling up until our room is just scrolls _ . 

Every single day, when not engaged in Toph-related antics or the Avatar’s shenanigans or the Courts or travelling to some commandery somewhere,  _ I’m  _ the person responsible for writing down Toph’s thoughts on whatever we receive as an Imperial Memorial. Such Memorials are the finest example of poetic essays one has ever seen. Full page scrolls drafted and submitted over the course of a single day,  _ at most _ . While there are probably millions of ‘questions’ and ‘requests’ people have of the Empress, the nonsensically efficient bureaucracy of the Courts handles most of them for us. Since, afterall, there are  _ some  _ people in our government that are responsible at their jobs. And some farmers in the Region of Gaolan’s problems are not as worthy as, say, a war. It used to be that the courtiers would read aloud the Memorials to the Earth Kings of old but the current reigning monarch is preoccupied with playing ‘catch the boulder’ to be present for that. So a pile of scrolls ends up on my desk. Each one an exemplary piece of writing, 

What reaches Her Imperial Majesty’s desk is usually the following: Crop reports; weather predictions; intelligence on various institutions and officials that are not part of our Empire, think the Acolytes; intelligence on various ethnic and spiritual groups; possible rebellious movements within our Empire; news of large  _ daofei  _ bands; intelligence on what the people currently think; updates on military movements; upcoming cultural and social events that the two of us may be interested in partaking in; audits conducted by the Dai Li of various Palace officials… _ take a breath, it’s okay _ ... and sometimes even generic current events that deal with Ba Sing Se or it’s surrounding lands. We -Toph, but I’m her Memorial-reader- choose what we do and do not respond to. Her word is law and my hand when stamped with her seal is law. Where these reports and thoughts go is beyond me. They could float out the window and into a bonfire for all I know. They probably  _ do _ . These Memorials must also pass through the Censorate, who have a reputation for choosing what is and is not important news. Cultural events that Toph is never going to attend? Unimportant.  _ Yet another group, yawn, of people choosing to rebel _ ? Important. 

I got out of bed, offered “Would you like a back massage”, was rejected, “I just want to sleep,” wished her a wonderful day, “Have a good day, Your Majesty,” kowtowed and professed my loyalty of “Ten Thousand Years!” and walked over to put on some pants. Nan ran circles around me, staying quiet until we left her room. Then, once in my bedroom, he jumped up and eagerly woofed ‘Are you off to go bother the Ministers?’ to which I gave him a chin scratching, which made him roll onto his back and stick his tongue out. He whined ‘I enjoy bothering the Ministers!’ while I stepped around him and the army of attendants stormed in. While they did their kowtowing, he barked ‘Let’s go bother the Ministers!’ and he pointed his head at the doorway, as if waiting for the command of ‘Let’s go!’ to then burst into a sprint. The attendants, led by the elegantly dressed Ming, gave me a variety of choice of wears. “Nan, what do  _ you  _ like?” and I looked down at him and his passionate tail wagging for advice. He got up and walked over to munch down on a treat that one of the attendants brought in and placed in his food bowl.  _ Right. Right. You’re not into fashion _ . I pondered if there was a less elaborate version of the Imperial Autumn Robes but...no. There’s a couple  _ more  _ elaborate versions for specific ceremonies and events, though. With my choices growing smaller and smaller due to my criteria of ‘can I actually walk in this?’ I settled on the usual Imperial Autumn Robes since I don’t want to walk around dressed as a jewelry store. Note, they’ve added  _ more  _ gold and silver medals to that chest since there were new additions to what counts as a medal. I could spend what feels like an entire day talking about them,  _ or _ , I could get on with my life. I went with the latter because what kind of idiot would spend thousands of characters on explaining them?

Recently, my mind was piqued in interest by rumors of the Mechanist and some of his inventions or improvements to such inventions. Memorials arrived written by his hand talking of advancements to air-to-air combat. While he didn’t say it, he implied that all our gold being tossed at him was going somewhere useful. 

As it was too late for Afternoon Court, Afternoon Court takes place at noon, and it was too early for Toph going out to listen to one of Pu-On Tim’s plays, I had lots of ‘me and just me’ time to look forward to. Except it wasn’t just me, it was myself and an eager good boy who whimpered ‘Why aren’t we going to harass the Ministers?’. I told him “Because we have big exploding things to go look at instead.” Fully understanding what that meant, clearly, he licked my leg. And so we set off for the Mechanist’s private research, development, and testing grounds out in the Upper Ring. I walked for the many  _ fen  _ it took to reach the Thousand Steps and descended the Thousand Steps while some crier shouted my titles. Nan, being Nan, can run down the steps quite quickly. He’s like a mountain goat-deer and  _ nobody’s  _ going to stop and tell him not to do that. One court official who had shunned him for running down the stairs was knocked over by his snout and had Nan’s presented teeth and growling to look up at. That man owes me for Nan not ripping his throat out which he was  _ about  _ to do.  _ Oh, yeah, forgot to mention, Nan’s trained to go for the throat. Here’s hoping that’ll be useful _ . By the time I got on my personal ostrich horse, Nan had run all the way to the Outer Courtyard’s South Gate  _ and  _ back and was wagging his tail with a passion. With a small escort of Imperial Guards, I took my ostrich horse and set out for the Mechanist.  _ What crazy wonders will you show me this time?  _

The Upper Ring had some light traffic, mostly carriages to contend with, as is to be expected on a fine autumn afternoon. Nan, being a great boy, stuck to my side like an Empress while hanging on for dear life in a sky bison. He knew not to run in front of ostrich horses and the rest of the Imperial Guard, one, knew to give him his space, and two, were smiling at his running. As for the rest of the Upper Ring, shutters were opened and citizens sat out on their porches drinking tea and playing Pai Sho. My personal hornmen, Guard Ning, was quite interpretive with what needed a horn blast and didn’t. Sometimes we’d be in the middle of a crowded street and he would be busy on his reins. But then we could be riding down a side street with nobody on the sidewalks or the road and he blasts it for no other purpose than, when I gave him a glare of wonder, “What? It’s fun.” Everytime he blasts his horn Nan howls and that howling echoes down the quiet side streets.

It’s not hard to find the Mechanist’s private mansion. There’s an airfield adjacent to it and, no, that’s not the Imperial Palace’s private airfield, it’s his own. It’s got one runway for taking off, one runway for landing and one similarly paved path for taxiing to a set of hangars of different sizes. A row of large flags sit atop the hangars. Earth coins of the usual green-and-gold, a red earth coin for the Colonials, a flag of a side-on view of a biplane with the standard earth coin in the middle representing...something,  _ the Air Corps _ , a flag with two crossed artillery piece barrels probably for the Artillery Corps, a flag with a ‘winged’ earth coin, also for the Air Corps, and on the farthest right, a flag with the Northern Air Temple -or what I assume must be it, a multi-spired temple- resting on a peak that rests on a standard green-and-gold earth coin. I’m guessing that’s his personal workshop emblem and I’m  _ not  _ going to go consult the Ministries lest I hear a never ending speech about the definitions of each of these flags and their meanings.  _ Note, it is his personal flag. Go past me.  _ His ‘mansion’ is probably a requisitioned once-belonging-to noble’s  _ siheyuan _ and the airfield was built around it. Out away from the mansion, farther in the distance, row upon row of targets sit in the scorched grasslands. 

As we arrived, one of those buzzing biplanes came into land. Surprisingly, his aircraft didn’t combust or shatter into a hundred pieces and his landing wheels actually stayed on. We rode down the road marked “This is the road, there is no other road but this road, should you ride down this road you will come upon the end of this road. At the end of this road, your journey will be completed.”,  _ thank you whoever posted that _ , which earned the chuckling of the Imperial Guard, and came upon a gap between two small walls with a sign of “The Humbly Expansive Simply Elaborate Gate.” It was not even a gate, it was just a gap between two walls. One of the people who’s jobs it probably is to inform the Mechanist he has visitors ran inside to go inform the Mechanist he has visitors. The rest of us hopped off our ostrich horses, taken by some of his guards, and, in the words of one of these nameless Guards, “Well now where do we go?”  _ I don’t know. Usually this is when something explodes and attracts our attention, right?  _

Because the fun explosions always happen when I’m not around, my platoon and I sat down at a table and waited for something interesting to happen. At least we had company. “Can I pet him?” the man who’s name I  _ do  _ know, Lieutenant Taishi, asked. I looked at Nan and watched him run over to scratch a door to an unmarked room. “Nan, get away from that room probably full of explosives!” Being a good boy, he ran back to me and licked my hand instead. I gestured to the Lieutenant’s gauntlet and Nan walked over to him and looked back and up at me, offering a single ‘woof?’, which means ‘Is this food, is this my enemy, or is this one of your friends?’.  _ I think that’s what he said, at least _ . I gave Nan a reassuring head pat and “Yes, yes, he’s a friend.” and Nan took to licking his hand. I took some jerky out of my pocket and offered a piece of Nan. “He didn’t do anything, though” the Lieutenant said, unsure, while the rest of my guards collectively went “he’s such a good boy!”  _ There you go, nameless Guard number seven. Exactly.  _ Instead of making things easy, I took the piece of jerky, let Nan see it -he stuck his face in my lap and awaited one delivery of one jerky- and tossed it as far as I could throw from a seated position. It slammed into the wall and fell to the ground. He  _ bolted  _ to the wall and gobbled it up before looking back at me and howling in ‘thanks’ or otherwise a well-mannered way of thanking me. Or just because he was happy and being fed imported seal jerky makes him happy.  _ Between Toph, Lord Qiangyang, Nan and myself, we probably import a truckful of seal jerky every few days.  _ After running back to me, Nan’s ears perked up. “What is it, boy?” I asked, looking in the direction of his snout. The door afar from us -the entrance to the Mechanist’s house- opened and the Mechanist walked out with some attendants at his side. They were holding, respectively, a crossbow and a grain-sack sized quiver of bolts. 

The Mechanist and his aides kowtowed, rose, and happily proclaimed “Your Majesty! It’s a wonder to have you this fine afternoon!” I got up and offered a bow to him, which my guards then copied. Nan gave me this ‘is this strange man also friendly?’ whimper and I told him “He’s friendly.” So Nan ran over to him and got on his hind legs and waited for, I’m guessing, another treat. “What a wonderful wolf-dog, such an exquisite coat!” the Mechanist commented, surprised. “I see he shares Your Majesty’s hair!”  _ Indeed. He is the best boy. _

Cutting to the chase, “I’m here to inspect your new inventions.” He stiffened up and “Then Your Majesty will love what I have come up with.” His attempt to be serious was cut off by Nan licking his not-prosthetic fingers. While trying his  _ hardest  _ to maintain a straight face while Nan licked his hand, he told the attendant “hand the Emperor the crossbow.” The attendant passed it to me. I took it and looked it over. It’s just a repeating crossbow.  _ There doesn’t seem to be anything special about it...at first glance.  _ “You invented the repeating crossbow? Again?” I asked like a total moron. I whistled my best whistle,  _ did nothing _ , and recalled Nan to my side, “Nan, get back here,” so he’d stop happily cutting us off. The Mechanist gave a short burst of laughter, “Quite funny, Your Majesty. No, I invented the forward-aimed biplane-mounted repeated-crossbow.”  _ That’s three too many compound words for me.  _ “Forward aimed? In a biplane?” he nodded. “I thought our crossbows were mounted on the rear.” “That’s correct, Your Majesty. It only took...some volunteers...but I figured out how to make it work!” and he applauded himself. At my behest, “Let’s get to the inspections, then, lead the way,” I followed the Mechanist to the hangars.

By a few volunteers he means about fifty pilots who died launching explosive crossbow bolts into their own propellers. On the bright side, they were all barely pilots to begin with. With those deaths, he went on to do ground tests. Ground tests were less deadly. His invention was that the crossbow’s trigger will not operate while the propeller is in front of it. Now, logic dictates that it would be nearly impossible. I’d argue that it  _ would  _ be impossible but only a year ago, metalbending was invented. Only a year and some ago, powered flight. The secret is this ‘interrupter’, named after someone interrupting someone else -of which I can think of one person for inspiration- plate shoved between the crossbow and the propeller. The Mechanist was able to accurately predict the time between the crossbow’s operation and the crossbow bolt exiting and worked backwards from there to prevent the trigger from activating if the bolt’s launch will strike the propeller. I can’t explain this nearly as well as Satoru can and I’m not really that concerned with  _ how  _ it works, just that I can press a trigger and my face doesn’t go kaboom or my biplane decides to -of my own doing for a change- fall apart. Has this improved the safety of the  _ rest  _ of the aircraft? Why would it?!? We’ve got the factories to mass produce the things. As most Imperial generals would say: Quantity is a quality of its own.

The Mechanist explained this as “Your Majesty, the mortality rate in these aircraft is still...sadly quite high.” “And my biplane won’t fall apart, right?” “No...Your Majesty.” “Then I don’t care, I’m going  _ flying _ ” and I tossed my stupid hat and those equally stupid beads onto a table and put on a pilot’s leather cap and associated goggles. Nan was eager, he’d never seen a biplane fly before. “As Your Majesty wishes” and the Mechanist took to giving orders. There was someone else present who was up for joining me. The greatest pilot in all Three Nations, the son of the Mechanist, Tamer of the Skies, Teo. 

“Your Majesty and I? A dance in the sky? Why in the name of Her Imperial Majesty would I refuse!”  _ There we go _ . “Teo…” but his father’s opinion couldn’t stop him. Nan also asked, with a whimper, ‘can I come along?’ but I told him “there’s no such thing as a wolf-dog seat for an aircraft” and  _ that  _ sparked the Mechanist’s inventor's mind. “For now…”. The Mechanist could not refuse my insane request, but he could point out that “Your Majesty’s clothes are… too uncomfortable for flying.” Leave it to me to get into this predicament. Worry not! “I have a pilot’s outfit for Your Majesty!” moments later, he returned with a standard Imperial Air Corps pilot’s uniform. I went to put it on. For knowledge’s sake, it’s a leather two-piece outfit with buttons for holding notes and other such parchments.

I returned soon after. Lieutenant Taishi challenged my good boy Nan to a run and the Mechanist went to draw up a plan for a wolf-dog seat to be installed in a biplane. I put a green headband with a red earth coin in the middle of it on as a personal token of good fortune. Once, it was a mark of the crazy dozen of us that flew against the Fire Lord. Now, it was something of an invented tradition worn by pilots. If Wuhan was there he’d tell me to try not and get lost in the middle of steppe country again. If Toph was there she’d be telling me she wants to go air-surfing. If Suki was here?  _ Where was she?  _ I didn’t know, I knew she did need to sleep sometimes so she was probably doing that or any of her other many, many, obligations. 

After proceeding through with a checklist confirming parts of my aircraft are still attached, I was briefed by Teo: “On today’s objectives.”. A local map was taken out and he laid out the plans. “Your Majesty and I will sortie against a rock encampment and a rock-shaped fort. A convoy of hay soldiers march down a pathway towards our position and we  _ must  _ eliminate them first.” With this mock battle plan -every pilot goes through it, nearly every day- completed, the two of us got in our respective aircraft. Me ‘in’ and him locking into his. The present pilots saluted us with “Ten Thousand Years” and with some assistance, our propellers fired up. 

The pilots sang a new two-line tune. 

_ “High, high, into the sky! _

_ Us bastard sons of Oma are gonna die!”  _

That feeling of the wheels lifting off from the ground...that suddenly lightness? Those feelings never get old. That feeling when my queue gets grabbed by the wind as I ascend into the realm once thought unconquerable? That feeling never gets old. The knowledge that such technology used to not exist and for all of history, only airbenders could control the skies, and yet now the Empire has accomplished the unthinkable? That feeling never gets old. And finally, the knowledge that Her Imperial Majesty will be credited with all of this, a hundred or a thousand or ten thousand years in the future? That feeling will  _ never  _ get old. Amidst all these ‘feelings’, I actually had to maneuver the aircraft. 

Teo took to the sky behind me. I pulled back on the stick to circle around and join him in getting into a pattern. He effortlessly caught up with me and  _ joined  _ my bank, even waving to me from his seat. While we circled the main hangar, I spotted the ‘battlefield’ off towards the northeast. As I banked my machine to it’s right, he ascended  _ above  _ me and turned his aircraft upside down so that when he leaned his head back, he looked down at the airfield and surrounding fields below us. I possessed four ‘press this button’ buttons, I assumed each had a bomb associated with it. Likewise, a crossbow mounted behind the propeller with some kind of clip of bolts. It was a  _ big  _ crossbow. I did  _ not  _ realize how big this thing was when handling it earlier.  _ Note, I do only have one eye and I measure things in weight as being lesser than, equal to, or greater than one Toph.  _ And... _ wait was he carrying out a completely different model?  _ That’s probably what it was. He was carrying out a smaller model for demonstration purposes. 

We came overhead -as opposed to underhead, as biplanes are known for their tunneling purposes, as most of our former pilots would agree- of the ‘fortification’ and associated convoy of hay men with Teo to my left -thanks for being within sight distance- and I to his right. We were close enough I could see him and his waving hand and he could see me and my eyepatch. He pointed down with his right hand, I took that to mean ‘bomb’ and followed through with a point down of my own. He nodded and rolled to the side, his biplane swapping horizontal for vertical and vertical for horizontal. I looked down and spotted the hay army. I banked to the right to come in at them from another angle. 

Such is the way of biplanes: every battle I’ve ever fought at taught me that approaching  _ anything  _ directly  _ will  _ get you killed. Teo’s personally taught that “wolf-dogfighting”, that’s what we agreed on calling it, “uses the principles of airbending. Use the sky to our advantage, strike from different angles against targets who can’t retailite.” Airbending, afterall, is at home in the air. Airbenders weaving and turning sharply may be useless to a pacifist, but to someone with bombs or explosive-bolt-launching crossbows, weaving allows us to escape other aircraft. Turning lets us strike in quick succession. Both let us dodge anti-aircraft projectiles.

Verticality. I flew far enough south to spot a large ‘ring’ wall, it’s a small low barrier marking the battlefield from the rest of the Upper Ring.  _ This is a big mock battlefield, isn’t it? _ Some things need to be explained. Like a battlefield so large one I couldn’t spot the opposite ‘ring’ border wall. I turned my aircraft around and it went as smooth as a matching blade and it’s scabbard. Biplanes...oh biplanes. They can turn on a single copper piece if you just...wrestle...with them enough. She’s a hard animal to tame but once done...it’s still hard. Enough anguish can solve nearly anything. So said me. Also, I  _ do  _ refer to my biplane,  _ any  _ biplane, as a ‘she’ because...reasons. Did any of the pilots ever guess who the namesake for the ‘she’ is? No, they didn’t. Someone,  _ ahem _ , introduced the name. The convention is named after Toph, since trying to wrestle a biplane into listening to you is as easy as winning a wrestling match against Toph. Therefore, biplanes are ‘she’s.

The Great Hay Army lay ahead and below me. I reached for one of the button covers, each button get’s its own protective cover, and pulled the small pin out. The cap is  _ supposed  _ to flip open and hang there, only to be reclosed later to help with aerodynamics -as every little bit counts- but as I’m writing this, it’s evident it did  _ not  _ do that. Instead, I pulled the pin out and the whole cap snapped off and went flying. I watched the small airbender toy that rested beneath the crossbow and in the ‘control panel’ of the aircraft -much like a ship- as it balanced out.  _ Good, it means I’m level with the ground _ . Note, I think they’re called ‘gyroscopes’.  _ I’m not the Mechanist. I call it useful _ . 

I could either go for the dive-bomber approach or the fly-by approach. Being the Imperial Consort, insanity runs in my veins doubly from who I am betrothed to and who I come from.  _ Down we go, then _ . I was high enough that such an idea could be planned and maybe,  _ maybe _ , I’d live to see it carried through. I pressed forward on my stick and made my aircraft dive, dive,  _ dive! _ , the small toy flipping on its side. With a giant crosshair to aim with, I pressed that one open button. A small dislodging noise followed by the faintly shrill cry of the bomb. My biplane engine was loud enough as is. I pulled up long before any chance of hitting the ground,  _ not everything needed to be at the last miao, folktales _ , and heard the loud  _ boom _ of the bomb’s success. Then I heard another three  _ booms _ . At that time, I thought  _ oh, it’s just Teo also doing his thing _ since he was somewhere to my left. 

I flew out to the other end of the small -in height, not in scope- ring wall and banked on  _ two  _ copper pieces. Teo was out there, doing a loop to show off his loopy loop skills. Not painted: a teenager doing normal teenager things like tending to the crops or flirting. Painted: Two teenagers flying around pieces of wood with wings on them dropping bombs that can level a house. Coming back towards the Hay Army, I spotted the thin and long crater,  _ that’s a long crater _ , where the bomb fell. I opted to turn left at the crater and try bombing the rest of the column as it departed the fort.  _ Bomb safety pin? Remove. Piece of metal? Dangling in an unsafe manner, that means it's working. Button? Pressed _ .  _ Now time for that shrill cry as some poor hay-men are turned into dirt. _ As I flew over the stone ‘fort’, a basic hill fort, I was expecting to hear an explosion of some kind. Nope. No explosion.  _ No explosion?  _

Then it hit me. I pulled out another pin and the cap smacked me in my right cheek.  _ Ow! _ Since I was flying over a bombable piece of land, I punched that button and...nothing. I pulled out the fourth pin and this one smacked me in the chest. Then it hit me. I pressed a button earlier and in classic Earth Empire fashion, the mechanism failed to trigger properly. All four bombs were released at once. Considering the  _ safeties  _ on these buttons were giving me the occasional cheek-cut, I can’t imagine the undercarriage is that sturdy. But I still possessed weapons on this aircraft, right? A crossbow with only fifty fatalities to its name, at least. And those were self-induced, not from combat. 

The Great Hay Army marching on campaign was in shambles. A line of craters cut it in two and Teo blew up the vanguard with a back-and-forth dive where he bobbed and weaved  _ despite diving _ , probably to counter any kind of anti-aircraft weaponry. I took to the rearguard, where I was  _ trying  _ to make that section go boom but failed because, hey, you can get a metalbending Empress to help build it but that does not mean the equipment’s going to work. Besides, fifty fatalities? That’s barely even a skirmish in  _ any  _ of the battles I’ve fought in. I pulled a clip of crossbow bolts out of their convenient thigh-biting position,  _ was this not designed for people with Kyoshi Islander height in mind? _ , and jammed them in the repeating crossbow’s clip holder.  _ So...this works, somehow. That’s helpful. I’ll try not to die _ . I lined up my target, a small five-by-ten column of hay soldiers stuck between a rock tank and a crater. “Ten Thousand Years!” I shouted, grabbing that trigger with all my vigor.  _ Thunk _ .

I lived. Far down there, a small explosion as the crossbow bolt -note, I do  _ not  _ want to be on the receiving end of that, even if it’s a small explosion- struck the ground, or the hay soldiers, or something. It doesn’t matter. It went boom. And I lived. Because I’m insane, I grabbed that trigger again and gave it a good squeeze, like one would squeeze a orange or a lemon or one of those squeezable fruits except fruits can’t blow up in your face. Nothing happened. So I squeezed it again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Again.  _ Thunk _ . It worthed the fifth time. The bolt struck part of the Hay Army.  _ Note, these didn’t cause clouds of smoke or big shrapnel effects. _ They eviscerated a few soldiers and that was that. I imagine something this small could knock one of those Flamin’ Fire Jets,  _ not their official name, no I don’t care _ , out of the sky. Now that I think about it, that’s what Teo did oh-so-long ago.  _ How did you do that by the way? Did you turn off your aircraft for a few miao or something? Does it matter?  _ Teo, being a true Prince of the Skies,  _ note, that’s a title I better make real _ , also made some enemy rock tanks explode with what I must assume is the same overly massive crossbow-bolt shots. He even tipped his wings to me while on one of his descents, only to pull so far back he went inverted and was flying around upside down, as one ought to do. 

I gave the ground a few more banks, turns, twists and even some attempts  _ thunks _ . I used up my quiver of ten bolts,  _ how do people fit more of these in here? _ , and made a reasonable conclusion that unless a smaller more portable deadlier version of this crossbow is invented and mounted on the front of one of these, I’ve got no more bolts to use. And even if it is invented, I still need to go to Morning Court tomorrow and if not that then I am better off returning to Her Imperial Majesty in one-piece-and-a-missing-eye as opposed to one-piece-per-ethnic-group-we-rule-over. I waved to Teo, he got tired of defying reality, and we flew back to the Mechanist’s not-a-mansion in a leader-follower formation with me pretending to have a leadership position in such matters and him humbly following my every light bank. There’s no easy way to turn my head around and look  _ back  _ at him but I assume, for poetry’s sake, that he was actively doing whatever he could to mimic whatever I was doing. Upon reaching the airfield, I used my hand to gesture for him to land first. As if I was going too slow or something, he easily overtook me, going  _ over  _ me despite how close we were to the ground, and then descending past me to my side. I took to patterning around the Mechanist’s hangars. Down there, I spotted a golden man pointing at me, and a  _ very good boy _ howling -that’s what he looked like he was doing- at me. I waved to him, then I had an absolutely mad idea. 

Here’s the thing with the Imperial Palace. We’ve got defenses for nearly everything imaginable. There’s a bunch of really big walls,  _ perhaps you’ve heard of them, _ that are supposedly impenetrable but just like  _ -thank you Toph for giving me this mental image- _ my cousin’s undergarments, they can be pierced by  _ -again, thank you Toph- _ ‘the mightiest of heroes’. I guess that’s a compliment.  _ And I need a whiskey _ . The Palace itself has got row upon row of surface-to-air rocks. A light crew of Imperial Guards are stationed there at all times to impress the approximately two flying creatures and half-dozen people riding those creatures. Also because it looks cool. A couple of burly men standing next to a giant rock and preparing to  _ punch  _ that rock at anything that flies over? If that isn’t the Earth Empire summarized, I can tell distance. They’ve also got gates and giant rocks and rock-like statues they can hurl at invaders. But all those  _ land  _ defenses didn’t concern me. Because I wasn’t  _ on  _ land, was I? Normally, requesting to fly over the Imperial Palace is  _ not  _ allowed for reasons that are as clear as Toph’s eyes are glazed over. Normally, I would be approaching the Imperial Palace as most Imperials would, the ground. The Avatar’s sky bison is recognized. The Fire Lord’s dragon is feared. Some guy in his biplane?  _ Yeah…  _ My mad idea wasn’t thought out. 

The horns sounding should’ve been my first warning. The army of golden dots running out my second. “I’m about to die, aren’t I?” I asked my biplane, giving her a good rub because something something superstitions around aircraft. Rub your aircraft and speak to it softly like you’d speak to your lover,  _ ew, oogies _ , and she will listen to you. Treat the aircraft the opposite and it’ll fall apart. Now, I don’t know about the  _ rest  _ of you but I don’t speak to my,  _ ew, oogies _ , ‘lover’ like some Pu-On Tim parody. I don’t softly rub my,  _ ew, oogies _ , Empress, and ask her for things. She’s the Empress and her word is my command. So I thought to let this biplane do the commanding for a chance.  _ Where in the name of Kyoshi am I, or this tangent, going _ ?

_ Whoosh _ . One really big rock came flying past.  _ Okay you know what biplane, you’re as indecisive as the Avatar. I’m usurping your power. Time to grab that stick!  _ I dived forward, not a good idea, but nonetheless dodged another two of these rocks with ease. It’s not that they ‘almost hit,’ it’s that they’re launching giant rocks and expecting each one to  _ almost  _ hit me is like something Pu-On Tim would write because it ‘raises the stakes’. Stakes aren’t realistic. Reality, boring boring  _ terrifying  _ reality is reality. These are people, not Imperial Firebenders. Most of these surface-to-air rocks were inaccurate. They’d fly up and above my height and arc over before tumbling into the estates of whichever poor corrupt government official lived below us. They weren’t inaccurate because the Imperial Guards were untrained,  _ ha, screw you folktales _ , they were inaccurate because fighting biplanes is a bit of a recent art. Surface-to-air rocks are meant against larger -think dragon- targets. Or ground targets.  _ Anyways _ , I pulled back, and up, and flew towards the clouds. If I couldn’t convince them I was friendly, as I said then, “I’ll make like the Avatar stumbling on a brothel and get outta here!”, I was going to take my biplane and fly  _ somewhere else _ . I was in the process of doing just that...when... I heard something I didn’t expect to. A bellow. A bellow that sounded  _ awfully close _ .

I turned my head around and,  _ oh, no. Nope.  _ The Avatar was standing on the head of his sky bison, pointing his staff right at me.  _ No, I don’t want to die from pacifism. That’s one of the worst and most embarrassing kinds of deaths. Killed by someone who accidentally sliced your aircraft in two and, because he stopped looking in your direction, means he thinks you’re going to land. I say this because he blasted all those firebenders when escaping the Fire Nation, but, I assume, because he wasn’t looking at them, he assumed they were fine.  _

I took my stick and opted for the old ‘into the clouds’ maneuver. I ascended into the cloud and breathed a momentary sigh of relief.  _ Premature celebration, he’s an airbender.  _ I wasn’t going to act like I was safe, just that I’d outrun the Avatar and try to land...somewhere. Not much later, I wondered  _ where  _ the cloud I was flying in was going. The winds weren’t that high...a bellow cut off my thoughts. I turned my head around yet again and,  _ right, right, of course _ , the Avatar can pull water out of a cloud. As can  _ his girlfriend _ . Okay so I’m not just facing the ender-of-ethnic groups, I’m facing Katara. My chances of survival have  _ sunk _ .  _ But if I impress her enough or tell her I’m a powerful bender or something she might also bring me back from the dead _ .  _ That’s what Pu-On Tim once said during that one play where the two consummate their marriage. So it’s the truth. Because...why not _ . So… I’m dead either way because I’m not that ‘powerful bender’ guy. I’m me. I banked my aircraft to the right, getting a great look to my left at the skies above us that must stretch upwards forever, and tried to flee  _ beyond  _ the walls of the Imperial Palace. Since once I’m out there, I can dive for the pastureland and hop out before I get tracked down and... _ stop rambling you’re so dead. He’s on your tail _ . I checked. He still was, except his sky bison isn’t as agile as my biplane. Realizing flying a large air buffalo is not flying a biplane, I pulled back far enough to loop over him and his fur-coated friend. Or, that’s what I thought I’d do. Fly over him and go the other way.  _ Nope. The Spirits hate me.  _

He jumped off his sky bison and flew up to me using the power of being the Avatar, a master airbender and let’s not forget, he’s got a girlfriend to impress. Once ‘up’ at my inverted aircraft, flying alongside in his glider, he shouted something but I couldn’t hear it over the sound of my engine and my pride. I turned my aircraft the right-side up and, for a moment, escaped. Nope, he’s just...gliding along on the other side of the aircraft and by other side I mean he’s hanging on to one of my biplane struts. And by hanging on I mean he’s causing me to bank hard left. Great. _I’m going to die to stupid_. “Do you not know how aircraft work?” I shouted, hoping the engine, or my pride, calmed down a bit. “What?” he shouted back. _Nope_. I leaned _hard_ on my stick, pressing it the opposite direction and trying to beg my biplane to work right. In a war of biplanes against the Avatar, my wing smacked the Avatar in the face and sent him tumbling towards the ground. Knowing history, this’ll be taken as a moment of symbolism. Modernization defeated the traditionalist Avatar. No it didn’t. My wing uppercutted his jaw because I held down the stick hard enough. My momentary contemplation about the histories ended when the Avatar returned. _How...do you just have Spirit armor? That’s a thing, right? Instead of folktale-born plot armor, the Spirits just grant you...oh nevermind_. The Avatar, not one to get the message, grabbed my strut again. Then the Avatar, using the force of being an egg going through puberty, _ripped_ my strut off. By accident, of course, of course, but still. Biplanes don’t require four wings, it only takes two to fly. Not that the Avatar gave me that pleasure.

He ignored the falling pieces of aircraft parts and flew  _ right  _ up to my side, close enough I could eye his grey eyes and, because this is the first thing that came to mind as I fell towards my death, “you and Ty Lee share the same eyes.” “Wait...Your Majesty?” he casually asked while hanging on to his glider.  _ No, I’m Lee _ . I scowled at him. “I’m so full of angst” I offered, since he was using actual titles so maybe he confused me with someone he  _ does  _ respect. He sailed to my side and grabbed my arm. Turns out he’s got a good grip.  _ Ow. Ow. You’re dislocating that. You’re actually popping that arm out of its socket. Ow. Ow.  _ I took his arm because...well I’m falling to my death thanks to the Avatar and the Avatar’s offering to save me.  _ And if he’s not offering to save me, I’m going to jam him into this propeller.  _

He took my now,  _ ow,  _ hand and shouted “Hold on!” I definitely held on.  _ Is this what being blind in a flying bison is like? If so, I’d like my working existing eye back _ . People call me crazy. I don’t grab people with one hand while flying a glider with another and hold someone who probably weighs twice his weight on with nothing more than a grip and some prayers.  _ Who do I pray to to say me? You? You’re doing a wonderful job.  _ The Avatar’s sky bison, the machinations of convenience and the Spirits’ protection themselves, drunk Lao Ge said so, appeared below us.  _ Or, perhaps, he flew up to us because good boys follow their friends.  _ Unlike his mount, the Avatar is a moron. To those who disagree: upon noticing the saddle being below me of an undetermined height but close enough to smell that Katara was wearing seal jerky perfume, he dropped himself  _ and I _ and I face-planted the saddle. “Wait, the Earth Emperor?” the waterbender surprisingly asked while I pondered if my head had been broken or not.  _ No. I’m Lee _ . 

Katara helped me onto my legs, correction, into sitting on my legs, while staring me in my two places where eyes normally go. As normally women, or rather _people_ , don’t stare into my eyes unless they’re Toph -who for reasons well known cannot stare, but I do sense a ‘glare’ from time to time- or Suki -whose accidental cheek makeup kisses are appreciated _and also_ _you’re the best, Sukes_ -, I found this whole affair to be quite sandalous. _That’s...not the right word._ No, maybe it is. Affairs? Sandals. _Pu-On Tim I know you’re around, writing this down. “‘The Adventures of a Princess and an Emperor, Chapter One Thousand and Fifteen, The Princess of the South and the Emperor sit in a sky bison and stare intimately at each other before one decides to go back to her prior hobby and the other takes half a day to put on pants.’ Despite being marked as a romantic story, the main characters rarely if ever get romantically involved_. “I’m sorry, but there’s no eye here” I _pointed_ out to her. “Why were you flying in a biplane?” she asked, uncorking her waterskin and drawing water out. “And are you hurt?” she asked this after drawing the water. _Are you actually crazy? You don’t just uncork yourself first and ask second. That’s all kinds of...wait Toph’s going to euphemism this isn’t she?_ “I’m going to say yes and not for the possible parody play reasons.” and she had no idea what I was talking about. Though she did hear the word ‘yes’ and saw me lying back on the saddle and therefore determined to get to work running her magic water hands over my not-magic person. _Toph...I know what you’re thinking. Wait, no I don’t. We’re not a Dai Li pair._ Katara concluded that my arm was indeed ‘hurt’, _how very nice and specific of you_ , and sat back and got to work healing it. Aang snapped his bison’s reins and we slowly -as opposed to the normal _crazy dive time!_ \- descended towards the Imperial Palace. I looked off to my right as this happened and spotted my biplane get _smashed_ out of the sky with someone who was finally given enough payment to actually do their job. _That’s not because they suddenly learned to aim afterwards, that’s because a biplane falling is easy to predict_. _This isn’t hard to figure out_. 

As the Avatar came in on a final approach for the Imperial Palace, the golden roof sparkling like some kind of metaphorical gem wrapped inside someone’s undergarments that’s actually in it of itself a metaphor for innocence,  _ thank you long-dead Prince Chong and your perceptive two eyes of wisdom and alcohol _ , yet more horns sounded because there’s no such things as too many horns. The Avatar didn’t have to yell ‘hold on tight’ unless he was trying to scare me, and if he was, “Hold on tight! We’re coming in for a tight landing!”  _ did  _ scare me sufficiently enough that Katara dropped her water on my arm. Since I had nothing better to do and screaming is not manly,  _ just ask Sokka the wearer of a bag that matches his belt,  _ my intelligent inner thoughts showcase themselves. “Lady Katara, you smell of seal jerky.” As the last of those words exited the hole known as my mouth, I expected to take an icicle to the face.  _ You did give me a black eye once before. Then I lost that eye in a completely irrelevant but one-day-later event.  _ She  _ smiled _ . “Why thank you, Your Majesty” and she blushed.  _ Wait, blushing. Pu-On Tim, did you slip all of us some cactus juice?  _ “Why...why are you blushing?” the question nobody should ever ask a young woman and I did it anyways. “Because I  _ chose  _ to use some seal-jerky soap and in my culture, wearing it is considered-” I cut her off, “Listen if I wanted to learn about your culture I’d go sack your capital city.” To that, she raised an eyebrow and asked “What?” I gave her a proper response of “What”, no not the question, the statement. And she ended it there, since she wrote me off as “you’re being a bit delirious. That’s a possible aftereffect of-”  _ Oh I don’t care _ . Yes, I was delirious. I wasn’t actually delirious.  _ Hey Prince Chong, I know you’re dead but did you also face this problem? Lots of people treating you like a delirious man a few nuts short of a fruit pie, one or two you could confide in? If so, well done. You defied your Avatar and it went really well for you, or so I heard. I’m not defying someone who is as idealistically nice and doubly naive as Aang. He’s just clueless _ . Oh, and speaking of cities, I  _ did  _ sack her culture’s...well her sister culture’s capital city. And I still didn’t learn anything about those cousin-bedders.  _ Why open the communication with a man who has no relation to me except he messed with the Avatar and I’m pretty certain the Avatar won?  _ No idea. I was delirious. Apparently. We landed, it was not a rough landing, and I was immediately faced with a bunch of Dai Li climbing onto Appa’s saddle and pointing their rock gloves at the three of us. 

“You’re under arrest for trespassing Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Bedchambers. And also, the Imperial Palace!” the coldest of the bunch announced.  _ Is there some detail I missed out on because I wasn’t here? Yes. Probably _ . A different agent went “Wait, isn’t that the Emperor?” and a bunch of conical hats started nodding. So they bowed. No apologies, just bowing. “I would’ve left but  _ someone  _ pulled my struts out.” and that casual comment of mine made their ears perk up like a good boy wolf-dog. And because the Dai Li love nothing more than arresting, than perhaps their wives and choir practice, they pointed their rock gloves at the Avatar and his girlfriend. “The two of you are under arrest for attempting to assassinate His Imperial Majesty! That’s not your job!”  _ Not your job? Are there people for that job?  _ One pair grabbed me and assisted me in hopping off while the others menacingly closed the distance around the Avatar and his girlfriend. “Are you going to arrest the Avatar? Isn’t that like fifty different illegals?” I wondered and asked, aloud, of the Dai Li agent who had helped me up. “No, no. This is part of a performance, Your Majesty.” he said, less cold and more soft but still quite stone-faced.  _ A performance. Right. Right. Of course.  _

To my unsurprise and the Avatar’s confusion and his girlfriend’s mood swings that could make the tides of the Chin Coast look tame, the Dai Li hopped off their about-to-be-repossessed sky bison. One of the agents raised his fist and loudly announced “Dai Li! Form Choir!” The Dai Li got into their three-lined formation. A pair at the front. A pair behind them. A line of pairs behind them. To the side of the front, one man and his raised fist. The whole group faced the sky bison and it’s passengers. The two humans looked on with bewilderment. “We’re not under arrest?” the somewhat slow Katara asked.  _ No…? _

The man with the fist yelled “No, you’re under arrest… ‘cause you’d have to be imprisoned to  _ not  _ want to hear this! Presenting the Dai Li Palace Choir! Light-footed Jun!” and this man tap-danced the ground while announcing “One two,”  _ tap tap _ , one two,” a one, a two, a one two three!”

The first pair sang most of this, the second pair gave backup lead, the last row was vocals. After every comma, the back line went ‘oooh’. Oh, and all of these people would tap the ground with their rock boots. In sync.

_ Here's my story, it's sad but true _

_ It's about a girl that I once knew _

_ She took my heart then ran around _

_ With every single Lee in town _

Chorus: 

_ Hey, hey.  _

_ Bomb-da hey hey, hay hay  _

_ Bomb-da hey hey, hay hay  _

Note, chorus was sung by chorus singers during each stanza. 

_ Ah, I should have known it from the very start, _

_ This girl will leave me with a broken heart. _

_ Now listen people what I'm telling you _

_ A-keep away from-a Light-footed Jun. _

_ I miss her lips and the smile on her face, _

_ The touch of her hair and this girl's warm embrace. _

_ So if you don't wanna cry like I do _

_ A-keep away from-a Light-footed Jun. _

_ Hey, hey.  _

_ Bomb-da hey hey, hay hay  _

_ Bomb-da hey hey, hay hay  _

_ Ah, she likes to travel around, _

_ She'll love you but she'll put you down. _

_ Now people let me put you wise, _

_ Jun goes out with other guys. _

_ Here's the moral and the story from the guy who knows, _

_ I fell in love and my love still grows. _

_ Ask any fool that she ever knew, they'll say _

_ Keep away from-a Light-footed Jun _

_ Yeah, keep away from this girl _

_ I know, know what she'll do _

_ Keep away from Jun _

_ She likes to travel around, yeah _

_ She'll love you and she'll put you down _

_ Now people let me put you wise _

_ She goes out with other guys _

_ Here's the moral and the story from the guy who knows _

_ I fell in love and my love still grows _

_ Ask any fool that she ever knew, they'll say _

_ Keep away from a  _ _ Light-footed Jun _ _ , yeah _

The choir kept singing, but I was interrupted. I was tackled by a wolf-dog. Tackled and licked in the face. He woofed two woofs. ‘Where were you, friend?’ and ‘Are you hurt?’. Or...I imagine that’s what he was asking. The Dai Li continued singing but I was busy rubbing my good boy’s good snout and letting his tongue turn my neck into a pond. The Avatar and his girlfriend were distracted by this tale of...something that if the Avatar’s girlfriend thought about for too long, she’d realize it’s not appropriate for Air Nomads to hear.  _ Ignore the Spring Fertility Festival, of course _ . 

As I walked away, I was halted by the same Dai Li Captain from earlier. “I’d recommend not going to sleep, Your Majesty. Tonight, we see if our bets go well. Maybe this song’ll help our side win the bets.” 

“What bets?” 

“The bets in the Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool.” 

_ What? _

If only I took my own advice and thought about what he just said. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet in-universe shippers. The Dai Li.  
> They write fanfiction and debate over the superior ships.  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Technologically Innovative Folks:  
> -The chapter's title is meant to be read like an academic paper taken seriously.  
> -It's been at least a week (possibly two) since the previous chapter.  
> -Mori may or may not know what Nan is saying.  
> -"I could spend what feels like an entire day talking about them" is a callback to the time he spent a whole chapter talking about medals.  
> -"This is the road, there is no other road but this road, should you ride down this road you will come upon the end of this road. At the end of this road, your journey will be completed." is a jab at philosophers and their sayings about roads and journeys. The Mechanist is the opposite of a philosopher. He's rooted in science and technological advancements and his research team mostly shun spirituality or archaic traditions.  
> -"The Humbly Expansive Simply Elaborate Gate" is meant to by oxymoronic. It's another jab at philosophers.  
> -The Mechanist invented this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronization_gear , except for crossbows.  
> -Yes, repeating crossbows are like the machine guns of this era. Machine guns from the Great War could fire about 1800 meters. These crossbows can fire about 500. This just means that the pilots have to get up close and personal in wolf-dogfighting. Which they will.  
> -Mori oversimplifies the creation of the syncronization gear because he's not a engineer, he's a peasant with no knowledge of these fields.  
> -"Quantity has a quality all it's own" - Stalin. I didn't realize the Imperial officers quoted Stalin. I kept the line because it's appropriate for the Imperial Army's high command.  
> -"not everything needed to be at the last miao" is Mori calling out 'folktales' in universe and me calling out fiction in real life. In books, but most noticeable in movies, how often is an action only carried out at the very last possible second before disaster? It's cliche and anti-realistic  
> -In reality, trying to hit a ~30 foot long (10 meter) biplane while it flies 2000 feet (~700 meters) overhead is like trying to hit a fly across the room from you with a sewing needle.   
> -Mori calls the folktale writers out for having elite guards not be elite. The Imperial Metalbending Guard and Imperial Firebenders are two elite units and they tend to maintain such a status. This is one of the few cases where the Guard aren't exemplary and that's due to inexperience with fighting this kind of foe. It's not like you can train by hitting prop aircraft out of the sky.  
> -"‘The Adventures of a Princess and an Emperor, Chapter One Thousand and Fifteen" is a jab at myself. "Whacky Adventures", so far published, is going to be about 1,050,000 words long and 100 chapters. Some chapters are less 'plot' filled than others. This mock chapter title would be one that takes a simple premise and turns it into a whole chapter of antics and character exploration.  
> -Prince Chong was also big on euphemisms.  
> -The Dai Li realized that arresting the Avatar is a bad idea, so they fix it by singing. And being cheesy. And the Avatar falls for it because everything happens at lightspeed.  
> -The Dai Li song of choice today is based on "Runaround Sue" by Dion. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NQLmUOgT5M )   
> -Yes, the Dai Li like singing about love. As you'll learn next chapter, they're quite lonely.


	50. The Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor meets some in-universe shippers and fanfic writers.  
> ...they're the Dai Li.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grab your popcorn and delve into the underground betting drydocks that give birth to ships and fanfictions.
> 
> Also, chapter 50! 50 to go!

Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen:

There’s lots of misconceptions about the Dai Li. Some more common than others. ‘The Dai Li never sleep’, probably some smug Captain’s motto and also a commonly repeated phrase in all three Rings and one Water Tribe sized Zone. ‘The Dai Li never eat’, because what kind of secret shadow person’s going to break out a plate and some food and start eating it while hanging on to a wall, sitting on a roof, sitting under a roof, arresting someone, or anywhere that you, a person with eyes, would be able to see him? Eating while on the job  _ looks  _ unprofessional. Of course, if you can’t see them -they can see you- then they don’t  _ look  _ anything. ‘The Dai Li can’t sing’, well that one was disproven with the -someone decided on this and someone else stamped it- launch of the Imperial Dai Li Choir. ‘The Dai Li have no emotion, and are like a silent dagger in the dark’, sure, that’s all true and a few of those Dai Li agents beat me up -note, the Commander’s talk of pursuing them has reassured me because if the Commander’s on this, it’ll be solved- but the Dai Li in general are still people. ‘The Dai Li don’t know how to have fun’ is another myth. The Dai Li are people. When they’re not enforcing their laws, they’re probably relaxing in their quarters, living rooms, or taking their lovers out to dinner. With all this said, and my personal experience of the Dai Li included, in a hundred years I’d never expect to see… a mural-sized board titled ‘Who’s Going to Sleep With Whom?’ 

“Woof!” my good friend, Nan, looked up at this large mural and gave his thoughts. I assume he was saying ‘what is this?’ because that’s what  _ I  _ was saying. “Captain, why...why are there small posters of…”  _ wait, let’s count ‘em _ , the Avatar, Aang, the Lady Katara, the Prince of the South, Sokka, the Fire Lord, Zuko,  _ is she technically the Fire Lady? _ , Mai, my cousin and Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors, Suki, that crazy circus acrobat, Ty Lee,  _ myself _ , and... _ what even is the point anymore, it keeps going, forever _ , “everyone?” The Captain bowed to me and replied “All the world leaders that are or were affiliated with the Avatar are on here, as are their families. That’s not everyone, Your Majesty.”  _ No that’s not everyone but that’s still a lot of people _ . My counter? “Why, though?” Nan took to my emotive response to lick my hand.  _ Thank you Nan, you’re wonderful, too _ . The Captain, still cold, replied with “Because this is what we do as our pastime.” Not a moment later, some man with a high vocal capacity shouted “Update! His Highness, the Prince of the South, has taken the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors out for dinner!” and a large number of the Dai Li here cheered. I forgot, there’s a whole battalion of Dai Li sitting in front of me and looking up at this mural.

A few agents were climbing up the mural to erase -using earthbending- the  _ previous  _ number that was there and write down a new one. “We’re up to one gold for the two!” the agent who appeared to be directing them with his pointer finger declared to the audience. The  _ audience _ . The Dai Li were sitting around small round tables while other Dai Li brought them pitchers full of wine, I assume it’s wine because it smells like wine, and pouring the sitting Dai Li drinks. There was also a large counter down the banquet hall where a pair of Dai Li were pulling out gold pieces and checking from what appeared to be a ledger. I use the word ‘appeared to be’ multiple times because what this appeared to be is too unbelievable to be true. The Dai Li were drinking and toasting to the two  _ teenagers  _ hoping the two teenagers would get oogie-ed.  _ One of those is my cousin, you crazy bastards.  _ And also Sokka. 

These tables weren’t equal. I think everyone was...sorted into which pair of people they were betting on. Because this was a betting pool and these people were betting on us being romantic. _Betting_. I say this because they were waving gold pieces around and, _wait_ , _gold_ pieces. Gold. Not silver or bronze. Gold. Perhaps due to, you know, having jobs, some tables were mostly empty. Words don’t do this justice. It might be hard to explain a battlefield or what it’s like to wake up with the Empress laying on my chest, but enough words can give a visual idea of the events at play. This is just… This will never have the words. A giant mural with names and people cheering and discussing my cousin’s prospective choice for date occasions. “This is bonkers. I need a whiskey!” _thank you, pesky inner thought_. 

A Dai Li... _ waiter _ ...showed up bringing me a goblet  _ and  _ a pitcher to pour a drink into. Then he noticed who I was -he was looking at my eyepatch and I actually caught a glimpse of his eyes widening- and he yelled “His Imperial Majesty’s present!” and the mural-officer -and everyone else- turned to look at me. The mural-officer declared “bets on His Imperial Majesty have decreased!”  _ Decreased? What?  _ “Decreased?” I asked the confused group of tables while Nan whined a confused whine. The Captain, again humbly bowing, stated “of course, Your Majesty is the unsuspecting dark ostrich horse. His Highness is a safe bet for people, and as such our betters have to invest, now, one gold to win the stake of ten silver.”  _ I’m sorry, what? Safe bets?  _ This wasn’t reassuring. “Safe bets? What’s a safe bet? I... _ why  _ are you betting on my cousin sleeping with her lover?”  _ Why did I just say that sentence? _

The Captain explained this in terms he understood. “Let’s take His Highness and the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors. They’re known to be in a relationship. As such, it’s obvious they will spend time with one another. As His Highness is quite the favorite amongst us betters, there’s almost no value in betting on him. Someone who bets one gold will almost for certainty get that silver stake but if the Captain is suddenly preoccupied, then the better lost one gold. On the absolute other end of the betting pool-” and he pointed at the bottom of this section of the mural, where a small poster of Her Imperial Majesty and I’s faces sat, “-Your Majesty is our most popular unsuspecting ostrich horse. Nobody expects Your Majesty to overtake His Highness, the Prince, but investing in Your Majesty only costs a few copper and has the potential to win a  _ massive  _ pot of hundreds of gold. As Your Majesty can see, nobody’s currently investing in Your Majesty due to the current events.”  _ No, I really can’t see it _ . I waved my hand in front of my missing eye but he didn’t get it.  _ ‘Current events’ _ . How about, Her Imperial Majesty and I aren’t... _ I think I need cactus juice, not whiskey _ . Also, there’s the whole matter of  _ betting _ . 

Each bet is based on one of the many pairings that exist. The people who are currently in a relationship, namely, the Avatar and his girlfriend, my cousin and her boyfriend, the Fire Lord and his respective Fire Lady, and apparently, the Empress and I, get one category. Each of us has a price, a value, an amount that needs to be invested to win a certain pot of currency. The first three all have silver pots, and the two of us have a _gold_ pot. There’s ‘odds’ written down next to each person, the ‘odds’ of them getting romantically involved -that is, oogies- the upcoming night. Respective to the list mentioned, it’s two-to-one, twenty-five-to-one, unknown -because the Fire Lord’s not in Ba Sing Se- and finally one-thousand-to-one. _One thousand to one? We sure that’s not an understatement? Maybe have it be fifty thousand to one?_ _A million to one?_ Whoever’s running these bets is making up the rules as they go along. To win a small silver bet for the first main pairing, one must invest a gold piece. For the second, it’s a moderate amount of silver to win an ever growing pile of gold and silver pieces. For the third, it’s empty for clear reasons. And for the fourth? A few copper pieces. But this is only the beginning of this… ‘pool’.

Whoever decided that such a pool should exist also wanted to create other options and situations and pairings and, I don’t know, they’re labelled ‘Contingencies’. Amidst this category, one can find the Fire Lord paired off with, just using the names from this mural that I recognize, the Avatar’s girlfriend, my cousin, the crazy acrobat and...Jin? _Who in the name of Kyoshi is Jin?_ And that’s just the women. He’s also paired off with the Avatar and the Prince of the South. _Zuko, if only you saw this. All the action you’re getting. You’d hate it. You have a loyal relationship with a smart administrator and...these people are betting in the lower silvers that you’ll abandon your loyal Fire Lady and...what, go steal the Prince of the South away from my cousin?_ I wasn’t about to ask why these people assume ‘friends’ means ‘lovers’. I couldn’t continue looking at Zuko’s expansive list...because seeing the Fire Lord getting so much...I don’t even know how to say this… ‘attention’, made me interested in a question. “Captain, you do realize that the Fire Lord _hunted_ the Avatar and his companions for half a year, right? Didn’t he hold Lady Katara for ransom at one point?” and Nan, despite knowing none of this, howled anyways. But this isn’t the Capital of Reason, this is the Capital of the Earth Empire. Just as our mechanical marvels tell your concept of gravity to go die, our Dai Li object to reality. “See, that’s the _prelude_ to what could’ve been a wonderful romance, Your Majesty.” _Prelude? What?_ I took the man and started shaking him. “Are you on cactus juice, agent?!?” and he broke his stone voice to go “No, Your Majesty!” and I released him. I sat down at a table because I needed to know more for quite interesting research purposes. _I could write a book on all of this_. In the meantime, I tossed Nan a piece of jerky. 

“So let me understand you correctly. You believe that the Fire Lord and the Princess of the South  _ belong together _ ?” The Captain and a pair that showed up because they heard our conversation and were interested nodded.  _ I mean, love is love, but...you’re all on cactus juice _ . “Of course, the Avatar’s a monk.” the Captain pointed out.  _ And the Earth Empress is blind. So?  _ I countered, trying to appeal to their loyalty to Toph’s Imperial Mandated Laws, that “I assume you’d prefer our possible trading partners went extinct?” “The Avatar’s not going to trade with us, Your Majesty” he responded, defending nonsense with possible truth. “No, but his children definitely will,” I replied, still trying to appeal to reality. I guess these people don’t worship reality. That’s okay. 

“Don’t you  _ see _ , she’s water and he’s fire. Opposites attract!” one of his agents jutted in. “Before I get offensive, which I’m going to, were all of you inspired by Pu-On Tim’s plays?” and their conical hats shook ‘no’. Also, Nan howled happily when hearing me get  _ serious  _ in tone. “No, I’m not ripping anything out of anyone” I told him while giving him a head pat. He whined sadly, then silenced himself to  _ also  _ listen to the wonderful beauty that is this Captain and his thoughts. “We were not inspired by his plays. Opposites attract. How is that so hard to understand, Your Majesty?”  _ I’m betrothed to a rock head. I’m part rock-head thanks to Kyoshi. It’s quite hard for me to understand.  _ “Have any of you ever taken two people with vastly contrasting worldviews and tried to put them together? Do you know what you get?” my annoyed tone was reaching Katara levels of pitch. “Steam?” asked the left agent. “Steamy romance?” asked the right agent. 

I sighed. “No. You get a  _ fight _ . The Fire Lords for the past hundred years wanted to turn the Earth Kingdom into ash. The Earth Kings disagreed strongly with that. I’m pretty certain His Late Majesty, the Fifty First Earth King, and Fire Lord Azulon did not get together and solve their disagreements with  _ kissing _ .” The Captain counterattacked with “Is Your Majesty certain or pretty certain?” I slapped my face, slowly pulled my hand off my face, then groaned loudly and pinched the bridge of my nose.  _ Deep breaths. Do not combust _ . “Nobody’s...nobody  _ living  _ in the world who has met the two prospective world leaders would  _ ever  _ go ‘ah yes, the young woman from the far south igloo land with a decentralized rule would go along well with the member of actual royalty who came from an absolute monarchy.’” The three agents agreed with me. “That’s right, nobody ever says that. Because  _ nobody thinks like that _ .”  _ Correction, kind of agreed with me.  _ “I have more in common with the Princess and I’ve never slept in an igloo! Do you know what would happen if the Fire Lord travelled that far south for...I can’t believe I’m about to say these words... _ marriage? _ ” One of the agents pulled out a scroll and a writing implement. “Would Your Majesty like to tell us?” he asked nicely.  _ Well...it can't hurt, can it? And he asked nicely. So...sure. _

“If he shows up during either of the solstices, he’s going to be really confused when he finds a lack of either the day or the night. And since he’s a firebender, he’s going to be energized all day during the summer or...I don’t know,  _ depressed _ , during the winter. He’s also going to freeze to death because the South Pole’s cold. I’ve never been there but the icy southern winds whipped at Kyoshi Island all year. And that’s not even mentioning that the locals would probably not like to see the Fire Lord on his  _ dragon.  _ While Zuko’s only betrayed the Four Nation Alliance once or maybe twice depending on how we count it, Druk burned down a majority of the Southern Navy. Let’s not forget, Chief Hakoda spent his entire life fighting the Fire Nation. The last thing he’d want is the Fire Lord going ‘hey, you’ve got an icy daughter and I’m a  _ hot  _ man, let’s join our dynasties.’” I cringed at the very thought. “Speaking of joining dynasties, that’d make the Chiefdom of the Southern Water Tribe part of the Fire Nation’s domain whether they like it or not. I don’t think some tiger-seal hunting tribespeople want to know that their kids are now eligible for conscription to the Royal Army. And what happens if the Fire Nation goes to war with the Southern Water Tribe? Would the presumed Fire Lady side with her marriage alliance or her homeland? As a Kyoshi Islander myself and having had  _ probably  _ more experience with Water Tribe traders than you three, I’d say that the Southerners are quite loyal and territorial. That’d cause chaos. And speaking of alliances, the Fire Nation would not take kindly to someone who’s not only  _ not  _ a noble, but not even from the Fire Nation. They’d be more likely to accept a Colonial and they don’t like Colonials. Oh, and since marriage alliances are usually followed by a night in the Fire Lord’s fertility-filled room-”  _ I’ve been there, can confirm it’s not filled with fertility spirits _ , “-also known as consummation which itself is followed by heirs, what happens if the Fire Lord’s children come out as olive-complexed waterbenders? That’s worse than that time the Pho Zel’s married their sisters to keep the blood pure. No, that’s worse than the time the last of the Pho Zel Dragon Lords drank cactus juice and dived out a window because he thought he was a dragon. A waterbending Fire Lord? Ha! Time for a succession crisis because  _ nobody’s  _ going to walk into a dimly lit Dragon Throne room  _ because  _ the fire wall’s not lit  _ because  _ the person sitting in their golden chair isn’t a firebender. The people of the Fire Nation would look for any unknown bastards, most likely some strongman would claim he was a descendant of Kazuhiro, and we’d have a massive fiery civil war to concern ourselves with.” I took a breath. “ _ That,  _ that’s why the Fire Lord and the Princess of the South would not go well together. And I haven’t even mentioned their nothing-in-common personalities. Oh no, the two of them have absent mothers. What a-” I raised my hands as Toph would, “-nightmare! One’s royalty and the other’s a peasant! One’s trained in court life, the other would’ve spent her days living on an iceberg had she not bumbled into a...well whatever they found the Avatar in.” 

The man put his implement down and looked at me, nodding his head. “Thanks for that. Your Majesty has given us some wonderful scripts.”  _ Scripts? I was telling you what would happen if…  _ “What scripts?” I asked while thinking back at what I said and  _ none of that was related to scripts of any kind _ . “Some of our Dai Li are expert poets and most… less so. All Your Majesty’s thoughts will now provide inspiration for our fanclub.”  _ You’re on cactus juice. I’m on cactus juice. Someone’s on cactus juice. Fanclub?  _ “Fan-club? What?” I downed my goblet of rice wine. The three nodded in sync. The Captain spoke for his fellows, “We have a fanclub for our pairing. All of these tables are but fanclubs of their own.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “What?” I felt like I was just banged in the head by a rotund little man and his giant sword. “We gather here when off-duty to discuss our favorite pairings of people.” then he gestured to a group of tables, “Those people want the Fire Lord to be with the Princess of the South.”  _ Right. Right. Of course. I...who am I kidding?  _ “I...you’re all intoxicated. That’s...that’s reality.” The Fire Lord belongs with his Fire Lady who cares about him and the Princess of the South belongs with a, if very idiotic, hopefully well-intentioned young man who can adapt like the winds. Not someone from a rigid system. And, oh yeah, they’re all teenagers.” The three kept nodding politely and ignored my last comment because...why not?, right? “What about all those times the Fire Lord compliments the Princess of the South?” the left agent asked. “When he calls her form nice, that’s because he loves her!”  _ What are you two talking about?  _ “I...you do realize that people compliment one another all the time. Right? Right? Right?” and my frantic hysteria was calmly retorted by “But they’re being subtle. That’s  _ subtlety _ .” Subtly?  _ Subtlety? You’re not kidding.  _ “These are  _ people _ , not...I don’t know, Pu-On Tim’s actors. And even Pu-On Tim’s actors aren’t that subtle.” My point was contested by the Captain and his less-stone more normal voice. “People can give each other subtle hints towards attraction. Like when the Princess shows up to watch the Fire Lord training because he’s shirtless. That’s subtle, Your Majesty.”  _ What?  _ “You’ve never considered that the Fire Lord trains shirtless because he  _ likes  _ being shirtless? Or that the Princess is watching him because one, the Avatar’s probably also there training and she’s watching him practice, and two, she’s not a moron. Watch  _ anyone  _ from any bending style train and I’m sure there’s something to be taken from it. The Fire Lord’s demonstrations of firebending are a rare sight for any and aside from a select few individuals, nobody would contest his control of his element. The Princess is  _ learning _ . I go and watch the Princess train from time to time because I like to take inspiration from her stances and technique. You wouldn’t  _ dare  _ accuse me of...whatever nonsensical drunken ramblings you believe occur.” The three of them seemed defeated for a moment, but then the writer one raised his hand and said “Why of course!”. I had no clue what he was talking about.

The Captain changed the subject. “This isn’t the one pair that exists, Your Majesty. Perhaps you’d like to tell us why the Prince of the South and the Fire Lord would not go well together.” and at his statement, the man with the scrolls presented a new scroll and eyed me. So I gave him a one-eyed glance, then looked at the Captain and began. “First of all, neither of them are into men. Second of all, friends don’t equal lovers. Third of all, they have almost nothing in common. Fourth of all, friends don’t equal lovers.” The scribe-man sadly groaned at my halt of talking. “Why not? Anything’s possible” the Captain asked a literal question to metaphorically nudge me down a direction I’m not going to go.  _ Why not, indeed.  _ “If you gave them cactus juice and...I don’t know, lots of makeup, and also-”  _ you know what, Dai Li. No. I barely know these two people and I can’t even try to do the mental image. You’re all insane _ . But this...intrigued me. For a different reason. “How do you possibly pair the Fire Lord  _ and  _ the two Water Tribe siblings? That’s...all kinds of wrong.”  _ Next thing, you’ll tell me Avatar Kyoshi was into random Water Tribe men she found. Or the Earth King’s family. Just...give me some cactus juice and I can make these ideas happen!  _ The Captain was  _ reasonably  _ calm. Which, in addition to being a Dai Li agent, was off-putting. “One is the pairing we believe to be true, one is a pairing we support for the fun of it.”  _ I’m sorry, we’re supporting hypotheticals now?  _ “Why are we supporting hypotheticals?” I slapped my face because I’m not part of those three, “Correction, why are you three supporting hypotheticals?” They took offense to this. Because...why wouldn’t they. “Anything could happen, Your Majesty. The Fire Lord and the Princess of the South would go well together.” I took the whole pitcher of rice wine and drank it up. Then saw my whimpering friend and realized he needed a snack. So I offered him another piece of jerky and he gave me a hand licking as a reward.  _ Thank you for the hand licking, Nan. You’re all that ties me to reality. Besides, if we’re going to go down hypotheticals, I might as well not be there fully in the head.  _

“What about the Fire Lord and Your Majesty’s cousin’s acrobatic Kyoshi Warrior who was also the Fire Lord’s companion?” The Captain asked, the scribe got his writing tool out, and the other guy just sat there, as useless as a badgermole’s eyes. No offense Wielder of the Mandate of Adorability.  _ Or is it Adorableness?  _ I sighed into my palm. “Ty Lee’s...Ty Lee is a flirtatious woman who had it not been for her opulent upbringing would probably... _ she’s crazy,  _ you morons.” This did not throw them off.  _ One more goblet of rice wine, it is _ . One goblet of rice wine later, I wanted to go back to attacking them on their ground all firebender style.  _ Wait a miao. Just because you are on an offensive doesn’t make it firebender style. If that was the case, every single time someone had their feet in a stance, that’d be earthbender style. But it isn’t. It’s just called being in a stance.  _ Anyways, “What are the other most popular pairings and how can I wage an Imperial-Mandated war on them?” For point’s sake, I drew my blade and pointed it at the large mural. Nobody took me seriously, which, fine,  _ fine, fine _ . “There is Your Majesty and-”  _ No. Nope. No.  _ I cut the Captain off. “If you say the Princess of the South or  _ anyone  _ other than the person I’m betrothed to, I’ll need at least one more rice wine.” Thankfully for me, someone showed up with a rice wine.  _ Hello Lord Convenience. Thank you. Wait no, you’re just the waiter _ . Then he finished. “Your Majesty and the Princess of the South.” 

_ Time to obliterate you. With words!  _ “I am  _ not  _ going to sleep with a...surely you all know what it means to be a Consort right? You’re actively telling me to betray my Empress. That’s breaking so many laws...and morality...and what do you have against the Avatar? He’s an idealistic idiot, sure, but…”  _ There’s so much wrong with this I don’t think I had enough whiskey _ .  _ No wonder, I’ve been drinking rice wine not whiskey _ . “I’d rather my eventual heir be an airbender and take the Badgermole Throne in some kind of military backed usurpation.” and I downed another goblet.  _ Like that’ll ever happen _ . “Thanks for the writing suggestion” the scribe helpfully, annoyingly, commented and reminded me he existed. I glared at him, Nan  _ also  _ glared at him. “I need to know more about this writing. What’s the details and...will I need a whiskey to hear them?” 

They opted to not reply to my request for inebriation and instead moved on to their passionate discussion on teenagers doing oogie things in their spare time because apparently all these world leaders have time for that, right? We’ve all got days upon days where we can kick up our legs and just...do nothing, right? The Avatar’s the  _ Avatar _ , whether he’s the laughingstock of the Imperial Palace or not, he’s still the Avatar and that’s still a job nobody would want for even a day. Even if he’s gifted everything, he still has  _ some  _ job. Somewhere. The two Water Tribespeople are, respectively, the Avatar’s girlfriend and assistant in getting his tasks done and the heir to the largest of the Southern Water Tribe chiefdoms. The Fire Lord is  _ the Fire Lord _ . Even the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors is busy with being a bodyguard and chasing one fruit pie with one eye across the Nations on his campaigns. Where do we find the time to  _ relax  _ let alone...this? The answer is we don’t. 

“Amongst our many groups of Dai Li, there exist those who took the suggestions we come up with while sitting here -not just right now but since we’ve started this- and crafted stories based on them. Sometimes it’s short poetry about forbidden love. Sometimes it’s full epics about ‘what ifs’. Most of them are short stories of, let’s say, the Fire Lord and the Princess of the South, interacting and doing various day-to-day things together interspersed with elements of romance.”  _ Forbidden love? Short stories?  _ “You’re kidding, right?” They were not, in fact, kidding. “A question, I can understand fantasy poetry, but... _ epics? _ . Like epics of our folk heroes slaying tyrants and bringing peace?” They nodded. “Aren’t you all  _ Dai Li _ ? Why bother?” The man and his annoying scroll smiled.  _ A Dai Li agent, smiling. I’m not terrified at all _ . “Why not? If it exists, we can write stories about it.”  _ That’s not a good statement _ . My stupid inner thoughts escaped and I inquired “what are  _ your  _ favorite fictional stories of events that never happened and never will?” The Captain started, since he’s the highest rank. “There’s this one story about the Fire Lord and the Princess of the South and it takes place in the  _ future _ .” Oh no, the future.  _ I'm so scared. Except I’m not _ . “The two meet up and realize that they actually love one another. Lots of things, namely romance, ensues. But since it’s so long I’m still waiting to see some of that steamy steamy-” I didn’t want to hear another word out of this man’s mouth. “Stop. Please stop.”  _ Also, not that I care what you read, except I do,  _ “Why in the future?” The Captain let more words out of his mouth. “So that way they aren’t teenagers.”  _ Oh, right. Of course. It’s not immoral to imagine… nope. Nope.  _ “And you, quiet man?” and I gave the quiet man the chance to speak. “I liked this story where the Fire Lord gets stranded on Kyoshi Island and-”  _ No. Do not go there.  _ “Let me guess, my cousin slits his throat for being a foreign invader?” But because reality does not concern these people, “no, no, he gets stranded there while on the hunt for the Avatar and grows to  _ love  _ Your Majesty’s cousin-”  _ No.  _ “I’m sorry, but that’s not how Kyoshi Island works. We don’t fall in love with random firebenders who washed onto our shores. My cousin told me she killed a bunch of then-Banished-Prince Zuko’s troops. How is that a start to a romance of any kind?”  _ Why are you asking realistic questions? Shouldn’t you be pursuing whiskey?  _ The quiet man, true to his personality, opted not to comment.  _ Like my cousin would fall for some foreigner invading her homeland. And I can fly. Without wings.  _ “And you, writer man?” and the writer smiled. But he was cut off by the Captain. “Can I give another one I like?” “Go ahead, Captain.” I attempted and failed to roll my one good eye.

“There’s this story, really popular. What if Your Majesty never left Kyoshi Island.”  _ What if?  _ “What of it?” and I sighed. “Such a simple action that Your Majesty took. Massive consequences.”  _ Right. ‘Simple action’.  _ “Continue.” “The Avatar is found when he is. He travels to the Northern Water Tribe in search of a teacher, he learns waterbending and fights the Fire Navy. Then he travels south to find an earthbending teacher. Since Her Imperial Majesty was the one he chose, instead of finding Her Imperial Majesty in Ba Sing Se he finds her in Gaoling.” “Right...and she then kills the Avatar for being an idiot?” “No, she’d help teach him earthbending, Your Majesty.”  _ Ha.  _ “No she wouldn’t. She’s not interested in the Princess of the South’s motherly nonsense. She’d leave within a day.” “The group participates in the Second Siege of Ba Sing Se and then…” the Captain stopped. “And then what?” “The current writing says that Princess Azula kills the Avatar with a lightning bolt.”  _ Oh, really?  _ “So like reality.”  _ She did that in Caldera _ . “Yes, Your Majesty.”  _ So it’s a retelling of events...with a twist. Right.  _ “Then what?” “I don’t know, Your Majesty. The writers are still writing it.” “It sounds boring. Where’s all the deception and nuance?” “Your Majesty, does every single piece of work need to be full of deception and political intrigue and all that?”  _ You’re all ones to talk, Dai Li _ . “Yes, it does.” 

I went on to the ‘writer man’. “And you, writer man?” “I write these short stories, but I write hundreds of them. Any and all pairings are accepted and I turn them into short stories for other fanclubs to indulge their desires in.”  _ Hold on. Hold a miao _ . “You...realize that all these people are teenagers, right? Some are of marrying age, some are not. They’re still,  _ I’m  _ still, a teenager.” The three of them  _ laughed _ . Another rarity, Dai Li laughing. “So?” the Captain asked. I lost the last of my composure, stood and shouted “That’s against the law!” The three of them kept laughing. “We  _ are  _ the law!” the Captain declared while the whole room looked at me making a genius of myself. I sat back down and addressed the three. “It’s still immoral. You can’t just...invent desires for teenagers to have! Do you think all the Avatar and his companions do is sleep around in both a metaphorical and euphemistic way?” “It’s a work of fiction. We aren’t fantasizing about sleeping with teenagers, we’re writing  _ about  _ teenagers sleeping with teenagers!”  _ This…  _

I’ve lived for a long time in my life. I’ve seen burning skies and burrowing badgermoles. I’ve seen people set alight by blue flame for incorrectly bowing. I’ve seen lots of things that I’m getting tired of writing about seeing. I also only have one eye so I’ve only seen half of what others have seen. But this. This might actually be the craziest thing I’ve ever heard out of someone’s mouth. At least Fire Lord Ozai was consistent with his plans. No, no, this is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard  _ or  _ seen. Dragons burning down entire navies is at least...logical. This is what happens when cactus juice is crossed with a bunch of weirdos.  _ Note. I haven’t lived a long time in my life. I’m being dramatic _ . 

These three agents had to go do their jobs. As did other agents. Day turned to night, as it does during the season of autumn, and teams of Dai Li had to depart this underground facility nestled next to the Imperial Palace to go patrol, sneak around, sit in people’s rafters, assassinate people in polite fashion, and so on. The mural-people were changing numbers and people were tossing coins in to bet on current pairings. Nan howled for me to give chase to some of these silent conical hats, or maybe he was telling me ‘it’s time to leave these people’ and so? I followed him. He’s a smart boy. The two of us took to following one pair of Dai Li, who, being Dai Li, noticed us following them. They didn’t mind. “Is Your Majesty coming with us to go watch the Avatar’s Guest House?” asked one. “I had no idea that’s what you were doing.” “Oh.” the same man said. Then he changed from a completely cold voice to a slightly more excited voice, “You want to come spy anyways?” I waved my hands about, pretending I was scrollbending,  _ that’s a think people can do, right? _ , and said “It’s not like I have a half dozen Palace Memorials to respond to, sure!” but my sarcasm was not detected. So they invited me and my woofing friend on “the second most exciting non-assassinating Dai Li job in Ba Sing Se.” The first? “Agents Wei and Shen, bodyguards to Your Majesty.”  _ Oh right, those two _ . Someone could kill for that job. Someone probably  _ did _ .  _ They probably did _ .

We exited a secret tunnel marked “If you’re reading this, it isn’t a secret tunnel”, so correction,  _ not a secret tunnel _ , and appeared right behind the Avatar’s private residence. We took the very obvious staircase up the next-door guest house, the Fire Lord’s Guest House, whereupon the Dai Li effortlessly slid across the roof before sitting down on the central ridge of the roof, their legs tapping the shingles. I...did not have it as easily. I climbed up and crawled along the roof and cursed the strong winters for making us need pointed roofs. Nan, meanwhile, ran along the shingles like a wolf-dog on the hunt and found a comfy spot to my side, pressing me between a loveable, “Don’t woof, we don’t want them to know we’re here” quietly woofing wolf-dog and two Dai Li agents. 

“So you sit here all night, watching?” I asked them while scratching Nan’s chin with my right hand. One of the Dai Li pulled out a scroll while the other commented “watching and recording any and all actions they do, Your Majesty.”  _ Right.  _ Nan was licking my arm because he likes chin scratches. That made me giggle like a bit of an idiot, which made the pair look at me like I was making too much noise. Below us, across a small alleyway, the Avatar and his girlfriend were doing far-from oogie things. They were having dinner over a game of Pai Sho. Like any reasonable couple would do. Assuming both people have eyes, that is. I silenced myself,  _ but his licks are too powerful! _ , and stopped with the head rubbing. Nan, being smart, decided to lie down in my lap, his eyes watching the two bored Dai Li to my side. Now, he could get head rubs, ear pets, and other such scratches from the comfort of being lazy.

I expected to happen upon the Avatar and his girlfriend to hear some pivotal information or insight into their lives, stuff that could benefit me and the Badgermole Throne to know.  _ Note, stop reading all those folktales where the hero keeps conveniently finding pieces of news critical to his quest _ . Nope.  _ Besides, you’re not some ‘hero’, you’re just a tree-man. To the Avatar, you’d probably be a villain, no? Oh, who cares, quiet, internal thoughts _ . We just sat there, listening to them talk about Ba Sing Se. Some fancy fountain that the Avatar took his girlfriend too earlier where the Avatar lit all the candles but messed up and accidentally -he admitted it was deliberate- airbent one of them instead of firebending it, sending the candle flying. He then caught it and brought it over to his girlfriend to offer her a candle.  _ Show off _ . That got him a cheek peck,  _ what are we, songbirds?,  _ which made him blush. The two Dai Li next to me quietly cheered for the two. Then the two lovers spoke of their desires...to go out for a walk to some pond somewhere in the Upper Ring.  _ I know, it’s fascinating _ . She wants to go buy some autumn clothes -to compliment her blue kimono-tunic I suppose- and he wants to go visit some Air Temple for some holy day. I suppose that’s...helpful? Do I care? We were interrupted by two  _ other  _ Dai Li agents skating over. One of the agents to my side grabbed my shoulder and “Your Majesty, don’t let those two knock on that door!”  _ Why? How do you know?  _ Instead of following his instructions, “why?” “Because they threaten to destroy our adorable pairing!”  _ You’ve got to be kidding me _ . 

In the name of not-anarchy, I slid down the shingles and after a small Dai Li made slide, thank you Dai Li, I landed on the ground. Nan slid after me and the two of us rounded the corner to try and cut the Dai Li pair off. But because this isn’t some folktale, we didn’t succeed and they knocked on the door.  _ Well that’s sad _ . Before Katara and her “I’ll be right out!” call could come to fruition, I told the two to leave. “Why, Your Majesty?” one of the agents asked. “Because there’s a pair of Dai Li already doing their jobs...I guess.” He looked at his fellow and the two shrugged. “Alright then.” they bowed to me and skated off. My job being done, I hopped over the small railing and ran around the corner only to re-ascend the stairs. As I climbed up the stairs, I heard Katara’s cry of “Nobody’s here” as a probable answer to Aang’s question of “who is it?” I don’t know why the Avatar couldn’t answer, maybe they partitioned the chores. 

The Dai Li pair quietly cheered “for the longevity of the union between the Avatar and his girlfriend!” as a kind of toast. “Aren’t they our...not allies?” I asked the one who was in the process of patting me on the back. With a rock glove. Ow. “They might not be our allies but the two of them are perfect together!” and the not-back-smasher brought his hands together in a gleeful tone.  _ I’m losing my mind _ . “So you two...favor reality? What was with the other two agents?” The closer one to me answered with “oh, they’re filthy followers of  _ the other one _ that we do not speak of.”  _ Other one? Is this some spirituality with evil Spirits?  _ “What in the name of Agni are you talking about?” I asked, really confused. The further one whispered “They think the Fire Lord and the Princess of the South belong together.”  _ I… wait a miao. That betting pool wasn’t a cactus juice laced… no that… that extends out to the real world, too?  _ “I thought the betting stuff stayed in that not-a-secret-tunnel?” I asked while rubbing my chin  _ and  _ Nan’s, to which he gave me some eager whines of ‘thank you’. “No, no. The Dai Li as an organization is factionalized into who we support. Ask  _ any  _ Dai Li agent if they prefer the Avatar or the Fire Lord for the Princess of the South.”  _ I’m very sorry, what?  _ I shook myself to properly regain my composure.  _ This is only slightly insane. _ “This… you make this sound like it’s a form of spirituality.” I claimed that they said that even though I was the one to coin it. The closer agent explained the nonsense as well as he could. “It’s the most popular pairing that the Dai Li as an organization has gotten into fights over. Some people are really stupid and think the Fire Lord’s a better match, whereas us smart people think the Avatar’s a better match.”  _ I...you could… _ “You could make a spirituality out of this” I offered. “We could, and we probably will.”  _ No. Don’t.  _ I let my inner thoughts out. “No! Don’t!”  _ because it’s really stupid _ . The closer agent gave his opinion of “People have made spiritualities off of holy rocks and holy trees, why not actually worship something real that we can see?”  _ I...no there are words for this _ . So I said some words for this. 

“Have any of you considered asking the Princess of the South’s opinion? She’s a person, right?” and the two nodded. “We don’t need to ask her. We know she prefers the Avatar. That’s why the two are kissing-” and the far agent pointed at the two, kissing.  _ Oogies _ . “So...the Dai Li agents that prefer this...pairing between the Avatar and the Princess of the South...do you have a name for yourselves?”  _ If you do, then I need a whiskey.  _ “We call ourselves the Defenders of the-” I held up my hand to cut him off. “No. You’re a bunch of grown men. Please stop acting like children.” But he didn’t seem to listen or care. “This is  _ important  _ to us. We have nothing else to do while sitting up here all day and night. We don’t get to love others and all our friends are fellow members of the secret police. We might as well invent stories in our minds. Besides, if we’re proven right, it brings some satisfaction to an otherwise dour job.”  _ This is insane _ . I needed clarification. I don’t know why I did but I did. “So you all take these...pairings very seriously. You  _ really  _ care who ends up with who? Don’t you have  _ lives _ ?” “No,” the two said at the same time.  _ Thanks for the honesty, I guess _ . “Can people be supporters of varied pairings or is this like a religion where you pick a deity to sacrifice your pig-sheep too?” They nodded, but I didn’t know what they were nodding about. Or why it was in sync. With the same kind of fury as a man defending his wife, “we support this pairing, which is sadly not the most popular because most Dai Li are secretly artists or poets and their poetry makes them  _ authorities  _ to tell  _ us  _ that their Fire Lord would make a better match. The two of us also support the Prince of the Southern Water Tribe and the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors. And we, for legal reasons, support whomever Her Imperial Majesty picks as a Consort!”  _ That’s reassuring. Now can you stop talking about this like you’re some man defending an immoral action with a passion? Wait...whoever?  _ I could’ve closed my mouth-hole, but inspired by Toph and her earnestness for messing with me -and my hair- I opted to inquire some more. “Whoever? Are there  _ multiple  _ options?” 

“Of course. There’s Your Majesty, the most popular due to obvious legal reasons.”  _ Wow that’s nice. I’m glad I’m beloved.  _ “Then there’s the Prince of the South.”  _ Wait what? He’s...dating my cousin. What?  _ “Then there’s the Mechanist’s top engineer, the Architect of the Imperial Siege Cannon, Satoru.”  _ The...the man with the big wrench and engineer goggles? Sure, he’s got a lot in common with Toph, but...what?  _ “That’s...all the most popular ones I can think of.”  _ This...I have so many questions _ . First things first, “So...why not pair some world leader with a random member of the Lower Ring?” The two looked at me weirdly. And they weren’t even looking at me since they had their hats on. The nearer of the two responded “Because characters like that aren’t as interesting. We like famous people and famous people are the only ones with names!”  _ Are you drunk? Am I drunk?  _ Nan was giving me some light ‘I need a chin-scratch’ whines so I gave him some chin scratches. He rolled over onto his stomach -while on my lap- to let me give him as many as he desires. While doing the scratching - _ note, most of my life is just scratching others isn’t it. Either giving Toph a hair or back massage or giving Nan a head or chin scratching. Not that I mind _ \- I asked my second question. It wasn’t really a question. “Why would anyone pair the Prince of the South...he’s my cousin through my cousin, meaning Her Imperial Majesty would be breaking  _ some  _ ancient Earth Kingdom law.” Reality, again, went and jumped off the Outer Wall. “Because Her Imperial Majesty loves charismatic lunatics and Your Majesty isn’t as into romance as the Prince is, therefore the writers among us assume that he would be better.”  _ Are you...inventing drama? Actually inventing drama? What in the name of Kyoshi is going on?  _ “I assume all of you, being spies,  _ know _ that Her Imperial Majesty isn’t a romantic. She defines all of it as ‘oogies’. Why and how would Her Imperial Majesty pick…” I couldn’t even finish it. It’s too stupid.  _ Aren’t you all shadowy ceiling spies? You know this already.  _

“Some of the writers in the Dai Li have written short stories that might pose an argument.”  _ Short stories aren’t reality _ . “Have those writers consumed cactus juice?” “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, it’s not my fault some of them believe that, as Her Imperial Majesty is a young woman, she prefers romance to idle nothingness.”  _ Correction to what I said earlier, this is the strangest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. No, wait, the earlier one is still stranger _ . “You’re… assuming that since Her Imperial Majesty is a young woman...she…” I lost my dignity and began laughing. The Dai Li agent put a rock glove up to cover my mouth, “Shh! We don’t want them to hear!” and he pointed at the Avatar and the Princess of the South down there...playing Pai Sho while the flying lemur rested on the Avatar’s head. With my laughter subsided, I continued my campaign for reality. “You...you...think that because Her Imperial Majesty is a woman...she...what, impulsively, pursues romance? Do you think  _ all  _ women want romance? And all men?” but my almost-laughs meant nothing to these people. They sat there like two stones. Finally, the further one responded. “Why not? In all the stories we read, all the characters, men and women, their end-of-story objective is-” he said the following with a straight face, “-falling into the loving arms of intimacy and engaging in such mutually pleasing acts until the subsequent dawn.”  _ Right. Right. Of course. I forgot, this is because of the stories _ . “Let me guess, that means all of you assume that  _ my  _ end goal is…” I couldn’t finish, there was no whiskey and it’s too nonsensical to try and picture. ‘Loving Arms of Intimacy’, the latest crowd-loving play by exemplary playwright Pu-On Tim. I needed a counterattack and I thought of no one better than Suki for inspiration. “Here’s my humble,  _ Imperial  _ advice, get a girlfriend. And tell her this. And see where you’re sleeping tonight.” The two Dai Li didn’t care to respond. Probably because they don’t have girlfriends. I might’ve hurt their feelings.  _ Oh I don’t care, you’re deciding what the Empress’s character is and isn’t without even having the guts to ask her yourself.  _

“So none of you have ever considered that  _ maybe  _ not every single man and woman is a member of one of Pu-On Tim’s plays? Even the Prince of the South...nobody acts like that.” But I halted my tirade because after all, these people  _ read  _ things. Read made up fictions of stories that are so nonsensical… I couldn’t oppose them. Where would I begin? How do I begin? Do I have the time to? “How large is this community?” I asked them. This time, the nearer one showed some emotion with his voice. “Not every agent of the Dai Li, but those of us that follow these things, well Your Majesty will find lots of very vocal agents beating up other agents over having the wrong affiliation.”  _ So it’s like sports teams but you’re betting on teenagers getting deflowered instead. That makes lots of sense...if you’re intoxicated _ . Our conversation was yet again interrupted by a  _ different  _ set of two skating agents. “Stop them!” he spoke loudly, I pointed for Nan to get off, and I slid down shingles and the rock slide before landing on the ground, again. 

We rounded the corner one more time but once again missed the knock by a few  _ miao _ . I heard a very annoyed sounding Katara -not to be confused with moderately annoyed Katara- yell “Hold on! We’re busy!” and I felt bad at the interruption of their Pai Sho game. I also stepped in front of the Dai Li pair and declared “Get out. I’m watching them tonight!” The two looked at me, then up at the roof, and one of them said “Your Majesty is being indoctrinated by the Lee twins.” I pointed at the Courtyard for emphasis. “Get out!” The two shrugged and decided to leave. “You’re on the wrong side of this pairing dispute, Your Majesty.” one of them warned me.  _ I don’t care. I’m on no side _ . They skated off into the not-darkness of the moderately lit grounds and I, being not Dai Li, didn’t skate away. I hopped over the railing, Nan ran around it, and we ended up back in the alley. Then the door creaked open and  _ this  _ time, I could hear Katara’s angry reaction of “Again? Who’s pranking us and  _ why _ ?” and I’m sure the moat’s water supply got slightly colder. 

I climbed back up the stairs and back to our three person and one wolf-dog perch. The Princess of the South was dressed in a night-robe so I imagine the Dai Li and their...their nonsense, were cutting off her attempts to go to sleep. Not that we could see anything. We were hiding across the alleyway on a roof and there’s multiple rooms to that house. We sat there, Nan rolled over and enjoyed his chest rubs, and the Dai Li were writing down notes on things that I’m sure were of critical importance to someone somewhere. We got to hear the Avatar and his girlfriend discuss upcoming plans and  _ finally  _ I heard something relevant. “Are we going to go back to New Taku before or after we talk to the Empress?”  _ That’s partially relevant.  _ “I want to make sure the Air Acolytes have a base of operations first.”  _ That’s also partially relevant _ . This was something the Dai Li agent with the scroll took seriously and wrote down. We’d need to prepare for that meeting and whatever it entails. Oh, and there was also a large amount of oogie words, Katara complimenting Aang, Aang complimenting Katara, and so on. And that’s when then things began going off the rails.

The Avatar’s skybison returned from flying around...somewhere, I guess. The Avatar had gone to do his nightly meditation,  _ seriously how does he have that much time?,  _ and the Princess of the South went to go clean all the like five dishes they had with her waterbending. Her hair was completely undone and as it turns out it’s quite long,  _ that’s as shocking as lightning versus water _ , and she was wearing the same night-robe from earlier. Sounds normal for now. We sat there, watching. And I got to learn the many, many, downs of being assigned to this job. But there’s one up. After she finished, her voice changed somewhat. It lacked the annoyance or frustration of being the stand-in for a mother and became more...befitting her. She was calling the Avatar to come to bed. He, being the Avatar and being an Air Nomad, rejected her offer because he was busy trying to meditate on something. And the Dai Li agents cheered quietly, punching the air with their fists.  _ Why are you cheering?  _ A  _ dian  _ must’ve passed. The Princess paced around the house, mumbling of wanting a moment for the Avatar to stop being the Avatar and just be...him. Eventually, it seems like she  _ marched  _ past, hands next to hips, and I think she grabbed the Avatar and kissed him so hard he stopped meditating. Something like that. The kissing evolved into Katara whispering romantic nonsense to Aang.  _ Wait...wait. Wait. Is art imitating life or is life imitating art? Except they’ve never seen Pu-On Tim. I guarantee it. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I think they fell into a bed and the Avatar, being as experienced in lovemaking as I’m experienced at telling distance, had no clue what was happening _ . The two agents to my side were actually, loudly, cheering. Applauding the two teens for being in love and hugging one another. Or something. We couldn’t see much and for my own morality’s sake, I did my best to look away and wait for the moment to  _ go home _ . This serenity of romantic idealism crossed with sweet nothings, like anything heroes endeavour on, did not last for long. 

In the far, far, lands of some few hundred feet away, I spotted a man clad in blue clothing walking, hand-in-hand, with a young woman with short auburn hair wearing a blue headband and an off-duty blue kimono-tunic. The two walked down the central pathway before halting in front of the Avatar’s Guest House. As the Avatar’s skybison was asleep, there was nothing to alert the two lovers of the Prince’s approach. The young man begged his friend to “spend the night here-”,  _ loudly _ , because “-it’s a long walk to the Palace”, showcasing that he was indeed intoxicated. He was infatuated in love and immersed in alcoholic products.  _ A definite sign of a night out on the town with a Kyoshi Islander.  _ She thanked him, “You’re so sweet, Sokka”, giggling, and gave him a kiss before telling him to go to sleep because she, as she joked, has “A woman, her pillow, and her pillow’s howling friend” to go “guard with her body, you know, as a bodyguard”. He tried to hug her and instead face planted the ground, earning the far, far, distant chuckles of the platoon of Imperial Guard marching around patrolling the Palace Grounds. She helped him to his feet and couldn’t stop laughing, “Wait until my cousin hears of this!”  _ She’s right. I heard it. It’s funny _ . Slinging his arm around her, she led him up to the doorway and opened the door for him. “Can you walk from here? I really  _ do  _ have to go.” she sounded like she was panicking or in a rush.  _ Probably is. Her shift begins soon _ . I’m guessing he sluggishly nodded his head because she then walked some twenty paces out to the middle of the path, turned around, blew him a kiss, and strode off towards the Palace.  _ What am I supposed to do?  _ I did the smartest thing I could think of. I summoned my friend. “Nan,” he got off his hind legs and looked up at me. “Woof?” I pointed at the Kyoshi Warrior and “Go, go to her”. So he did. He went down the slide and sprinted over to her. Before she could figure out what was happening, the Prince of the South stumbled his way through his own house and into, well I don’t know if they share a bedroom or something, but he stumbled into  _ a  _ bedroom and...

Katara  _ screamed _ . 

She screamed so loudly the Dai Li standing next to me involuntarily pointed their rock gloves at the house. The platoon of Imperial Guard -one of theirs was a lantern-pole carrier- patrolling the Grounds ran over towards the house. Suki was startled to attention, snapped her fans and ran over towards the house. 

I went down the slide and ran  _ towards  _ Suki, who soon noticed me -and my tail-wagging Nan at her side- and yelled “What’s happening?” I shrugged as a platoon of Imperial Guard went around me, kicked the door down, drew their  _ dao _ and stormed the building. 

“I was wrong. I thought the Dai Li fans were writing fiction. No, no. This stuff…” I broke into laughter.  _ The Prince of the South caught the Princess of the South and the Avatar...kissing. Or something _ . I slapped my sides in laughter. “They’re just copying what’s actually happening.” “Excuse me? Are you...feeling alright?”, she shut her fans and grabbed me to give me a visual examination. “I’m…” I couldn’t speak over my hysterical laughter.

I pulled a gold piece out of my pocket. “I’d like to bet one gold-” she blinked and asked “What? Where?” 

“One gold on Aang and Katara in...The Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, two of our favorite populist movements return!  
> It gets a bit bloody.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Fanfic-writing Dai Li folks:  
> -This was my third favorite chapter to write. Second place goes to the 98th chapter of 'Adventures', first goes to the 100th.  
> -If I tried to explain each piece of inspiration for these writers, the stories they tell, and the ships, we'd be here all year.  
> -Obviously, this chapter, the betting pool, the gathering of fans discussing fan stuff, the arguments between shippers, it's all a nod to fandom culture in general, not just Avatar.  
> -The betting, simplified:  
> -The more likely a pair is to have sex with eachother (e.x. Sokka and Suki), the higher the stakes. Higher risk, higher reward.  
> -The less likely a pair is to have sex with eachother (e.x. Mori and Toph), the lower the stakes.  
> -This counts for any pairing. Aang and Sokka are technically a possibility, but because they're unlikely, they're quite cheap to bet on.  
> -As events progress (e.x. Sokka and Suki going out on a date), the betting skyrockets.  
> -Mori cares more about the trade agreement than Zuko committing double infidelity. That, or he's trying to rationalize this.  
> -The Pho Zels have a complicated end. They became obsessed with trying to become dragons. All that incest didn't help.  
> -"Note, stop reading all those folktales where the hero keeps conveniently finding pieces of news critical to his quest." this is a nod to all the stories where the good guys eavesdrop at the most convenient me  
> -The Dai Li do all this fandom-ing because they're lonely and can't make friends. Why? They're the secret police. Most people are terrified of them. Note: this is not a commentary on the Avatar fandom. The reason these people are, in-universe, so insane, is because they're extremely lonely and this is one of the only ways they can cope with it.  
> -Suki spends much of her free time on dates with Sokka, or practicing various hobbies including martial arts and tessenjutsu.


	51. The Greens and the Acolytes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Green Headbands and the Air Acolytes return.  
> Blood is thicker than laws that don't exist.

Chapter One Hundred and Seventeen:

The harsh sound of wind whipping at the window was what woke me from my slumber. The wind seemed to desire an audience, and our thick-enough-to-sustain-an-artillery-barrage walls rejected the request. As is the norm for me, I woke with the dull ache of my chest being made sore by the Empress’s head resting on it. In tune with how one would treat a loyal pillow, if pillows  _ can  _ be considered loyal that is, her hands rested on my chest. I gave her a head rub while pulling the blanket  _ that she managed to kick off _ back onto her. A glance at the window revealed that it  _ was  _ daytime, specifically sometime during the day, and that a strong overcast prevented any visibility of the sun. I looked the opposite direction, at the place where I was writing the Memorials, and couldn’t help but grimace as _ I only had a couple left yesterday...but now that’s like thirty _ . As it was...sometime during the day,  _ the day _ , that means I missed Morning Court. In the wise words of the person sleeping on my chest, Oh no, what a nightmare.’

If I couldn’t get to Morning Court to at least audit what’s going on in the administrative heart of the Empire, I yearned to meet the person who  _ was  _ auditing the Court. To go through with this plan, I had to politely press the immoveable Empress off of me. Say what one will, I don’t know when to give up. The first press brought a genuine “hmm?” and was the only time that I had a chance to win. If only I grabbed her and rolled her -and I- over, I might’ve been able to get her off. If only. Instead, she was attentive. She doubled back in aggression to affirm her position as “I am asleep.” The second press, this time with a request, “May I go to visit the Imperial Tutor?” didn’t work thanks to her wrapping her arms around me. “You can visit the Imperial Tutor at any time” was her tired-voiced -fake- counter. The third press, this time trying to use some wrestling to actually  _ pull  _ the underground wrestler off me, failed. Why? Try wrestling a wrestler and, as the Blind Bandit would say, ‘Go see what happens.’ I glanced up at the ceiling, it chose to laugh at the ‘master’ duelist failing in his duels. The ceiling was also chastised by Agent Shen, “Be quiet, Wei.” Then the other part of the ceiling fell down, namely the Dai Li agent attached to it, and “Your Majesty, I’m Agent Shen, on behalf of the entire-” but this time the Empress got off her comfortable, if sore, pillow, and shouted “Oh will you just cram it? I’m  _ trying  _ to sleep.” The agent looked like he saw a ghost, backed up, tripped, and fell against the wall of our bedroom. “If you didn’t see it, I’m not reporting it!” the laughing ceiling countered.  _ No, no, I didn’t see anything _ . While she was  _ off  _ her comfortable, if sore, pillow, I used my Kyoshi Islander training to roll my way right off the bed. And I went right off the bed. One  _ thud  _ -thank you pair of rock gloves that fell from the sky for helping me up- later, I was retrieving my favorite article of clothing.  _ It’s pants. And the Imperial Informal Robe.  _ Meanwhile, the Empress may fight to the bitter end to keep her pillow in her possession, but once he escapes she doesn’t care because she just wants to sleep and or is feeling lazy. After tying on my clothes, I walked over to the young Empress happily holding a real pillow and asked “Would you like a back massage?” She waved me to walk closer, which I did, then while not facing me, “Nah, I’ll find you later if I want one.” Then she  _ slammed  _ my chest with her fist. While I rubbed my chest,  _ that’s going to bruise _ , “Get back here soon. I’m going to need someone with an eye to handle all of Twinkletoes’ gibberish.” I couldn’t promise it. “I can’t promise it.” I replied. “But you  _ will  _ do it.”  _ Assuming I don’t get distracted, sure _ . I pondered a reply, then concluded it was best to just head off and leave the Empress to her Imperial business of sleeping. 

I set off for my private study since that was the most likely place to find the Imperial Tutor. On my way, I walked through my private bedchamber. The attendants ran in, showcasing dresses and robes and other such manly clothing, along with something befitting the title of “Imperial Jewelry Store.” They ran out of places to stick medals since officially we’re only supposed to wear medals on our chests...and the chest was covered in golds and some silvers and even specific medals with  _ gemstones _ . Now, if someone invested that much money in an outfit, that justifies it’s wearing, right?  _ No, what are you, drunk?  _ I love nonsensical flamboyance. Everywhere except reality and in any circumstances except practical, it’s wonderful. But I’m not going on parade, I’m going off to speak to a very friendly, very immortal, very good at assassinating, very much a man, man. With that in mind,  _ I don’t need to wear fancy clothes to speak to a man who prefers the comforts of a simple beggar’s tunic _ , I chose to depart in my Imperial Informal Robes and scabbard. I thanked the attendants for their hard work, “Your persistence in getting me to wear all this is appreciated. Since I won’t be around for the rest of the day, why don’t you take the day off and go enjoy the Upper Ring?” They murmured “Is Your Majesty certain” and “We won’t leave” and other similar lines. “Just do it” and I waved them out of the room. When they didn’t, “Go, your Emperor commands you.” And they did. 

Before I could depart the Imperial Consort’s Bedroom, two things came of note to me. One, my favorite wolf-dog, the mighty red-coated Nan, woke up from all the commotion - “Woof!” or ‘Good morning, my friend’- and  _ demanded  _ chin-scratches. After washing up, I gave him  _ all  _ the ear rubs. I didn’t care if it lasted a full  _ dian _ of me kneeling in front of my Nan whispering “Who’s a good boy?” and him whining in happiness and licking my face,  _ this  _ was a good use of distraction. If only Captain Suki had heard my giggling. She’d point and laugh at “the One-Eyed Badgermole rolling around on the ground acting like a child.” Then I’d whistle -and fail because I can’t whistle- and tell Nan to go give  _ her  _ some licks as payback.  _ Except she wasn’t listening _ . 

The second thing of note was that my bedroom apparently had a mural of prayers installed above the doorway. I don’t know if this was  _ always  _ here or if some Minister decided  _ this  _ was a good use of our countless amount of gold, but now it’s here. I’m glad to know the Lower Ring’s taxes are paying for a large sign with prayers for fertility, strength, and bravery, to be put on a wall nobody uses. Then again, would it be the Imperial Palace if we  _ didn’t  _ have this kind of brilliant nonsense? Credit where it’s due, the architects inlaid gemstones for each specific incantation to allow me to pick a specific one. To honor the architects, I kowtowed to a small shrine to Avatar Kyoshi in my bedroom and prayed for the wellbeing of my remaining family. Nan was respectful and joined me in a kowtow to the shrine. Once done, I got up and set off for my private study. Expansive halls, empty save the silent statue-like Imperial Guards, and pathways that few will ever live to see. Nan followed me, staying quiet, until we reached the Imperial Study.

I walked inside and without a second thought closed the door behind me.  _ If he wants to meet, he’ll have to knock first _ . Normally, I go here every morning and wait for the Imperial Tutor to show up. I was taken aback by Nan’s growling and baring his teeth, facing a...closet. A walk-in closet adjacent to my desk-filled room. It’s used to store hand picked Archive scrolls on war and strategies written by long dead generals. “Is someone there?” I stupidly asked while not-stupidly drawing my blade. The closet door opened and out walked a man with his hands raised high. His beard was long, clean, and as white as fresh snow. His once unkempt hair was done up into a topknot, itself inside an official's cap. His hands were bony and thin and appeared almost...ethereal... as they emerged from the long green robes that many officials wear. I brought my hands up to bow to him. “Master”. He smirked and bowed back, “Line of Kyoshi.” That wasn’t my title, but this man also shouldn’t be here. He should be in jail for regicide. I looked down at Nan and his growling, “No, he’s not going to kill you” and rubbed the back of his neck. That calmed the wolf-dog’s temperament. Somewhat. At least he didn’t charge forward and try to kill the immortal legend who I was lucky to be in the presence of. I pulled a chair out and offered it to him, he took it, and I joined him, yes, I joined him, in sitting at my desk. Nan sat behind me, resting on his hind legs. This was his first time meeting the Imperial Tutor.

The Imperial Tutor drew out two scrolls.  _ Two?  _ “Two scrolls?” I asked, grabbing them. “I spent longer than any living man wants to admit listening to those youngsters.” I felt the contempt in his voice. “What news did they have?” I asked while taking the first scroll, sealed with his personal stamp, and unraveling it. “Nothing of note to anyone. Lots of jabbering hog-monkeys about Palaces.” I redirected the question. “What news do  _ you  _ have?” Being wise, he gestured to the scroll.  _ Ah, don’t talk. It's not like you need to. _ “May I recommend you read the scrolls?” and he handed me the first scroll. “Yes, you may.” “Then I recommend you read the scroll.” 

The first scroll was a list of names, but they weren’t people’s names. They were teahouse names, Pai Sho dens, tavern titles, brothel names, all with associated addresses and respective districts.  _ What’s the use of this? Did you travel around and find the finest entertainment in Ba Sing Se?  _ If he did, there were some absences. This list seemed to be centered on the Imperial Palace, that is, the nearest teahouses and dens were listed first. Since it was centered on the Imperial Palace, it  _ should  _ include the nearest teahouse, the Jasmine Dragon. Legendary beyond respute. And yet, not on here. “What are these?” I asked, playing dumb. “A list of affiliates.”  _ Affiliates?  _ “Of what?” and I reexamined the paper, running my good eye up and down it. I spotted the ‘One Hahnded’ name on the list.  _ Affiliates _ .  _ Those affiliates _ . He gave a single chuckle. “A word can have a hundred meanings if one is wise to them.”  _ So it’s a list of… _ but before my thoughts could finish, he handed me a cloth headband, green, with characters written in a peasant’s unprofessional hand, ‘The Fiery Sky is Dead! The Jade Empire will Rise!’ _.  _

He leaned in to glare at me with his ghastly eyes. “You wanted intelligence? Reconnaissance? I warn you, every wall casts a shadow.” and he backed out of his unsettling lean-in and unraveled the other scroll. I looked at this headband, wrapping it around my hand so that the words were on the outside. I examined the poor handwriting. I looked at the scroll again. “The Jasmine Dragon isn’t here. It’s not an affiliate. That’s good.” He let the “Well…” drag on. “Well what?” “Well, it’s associated with a  _ different  _ anarchist group that could bring down the Badgermole Throne, but they’re being handled right now.”  _ What? What anarchist group?  _ “Should I… pursue that lead?” “No. A blend of herbs from the Fire Isles will make sure they are silenced.” I felt uneasy. I didn’t know whether his reassuring tone was supposed to make me feel at peace or be scared of… “Poison. How? Where?” “From places where honorable people don’t look. There are nooks and crannies in the Eastern Fire Isles where some of my students turned it into an art form. Even a few villages, old clans, which specialize in this. But…” and he gave me that  _ smile  _ of his, “...it’s none of Your Majesty’s concern.”  _ He’s...right. It isn’t. Things happen all the time all over the Nations _ . I called in an attendant to bring me some water, then refused to drink any of it. 

“What’s your advice? I march down there with an army and...get rid of these rebels?” He pulled his flask from the side of his waist and sipped it. “I suggest going to go meet with the rebels. They’ll be gathering in the Upper Ring in honor of the Avatar’s genius plan to start an Air Nomad, wait no, ‘Air Acolyte’ embassy. They’ll be in a field near ‘One-Hahnded,’ then they’ll march on to protest the embassy.”  _ Meet? With my army?  _ “I can take a battalion of the Imperial-” and as I pointed at the doorway, he took my hand and put it back on my leg. “No, go as Hayashi, the populist erotic actor.”  _ But why?  _ This didn’t make sense to me. “Why? As the Emperor I can command them.” He licked his lips clean of the whiskey before laughing so hard he coughed all over myself. “As the Emperor, you’ll...what? Kings can’t lead rebel armies. Emperors, if your  _ presti-gious titles  _ have any meaning, can’t either.”  _ So you want me to go there as some actor and...what, stop them?  _ “Wouldn’t they all recognize me as, well,  _ me _ ?” He pointed at the queue hanging over my right shoulder. “You’re not supposed to command them. They’re either going to die or they’re going to succeed. Get involved with them, and the Sun’ll burn you or the shadows will take you.” 

I recalled a comment he made long ago. “Didn’t you say this movement would succeed?” He gave the faintest of faint smiles. “One day, it will. Such is the nature of change.”  _ So you’re sending me off to...what, die?  _ “And if I don’t go?” I took to pulling off my queue tie. “You may  _ influence  _ them to stop fighting, now. If nothing else, you’ll meet their current slew of leaders before they meet untimely ends.” and he stood up and walked for the door. He wasn’t furious, but he sounded like he was done. I wasn’t done. 

“Wait! The second scroll!” He turned around and bowed to me. “That’s a list of all of the Xishan Tribes, their chiefs and chiefesses, and their strongmen and strongwomen. Take the Captain and go north. They’re currently in a state of war and assuming you side with Chief Kozel and drive the Gerse and their allies out, you can get yourself a new army.”  _ Nothing else? That’s it? What?  _ “Is that it?” I asked, really amazed that all these days of Court and  _ this  _ is it. “The Captain’s from there. The Xishan are your big rock. You want to build the waterfall, you need a big rock. The Captain can help you do it.”  _ But…  _ “You’re giving me so... _ no  _ information!” He chuckled. “Ha! Because you’re busy. I’ll be back to advise you after today’s task is done. Ride for the Upper Ring. And remember, the walls cast shadows!” and he walked out the door, quietly closed it, and…  _ and that… what?  _

The Imperial Tutor is excellent at exhausting and confusing me with but a few sentences. He collected a bunch of intelligence, somehow, on a set of locations the Green Headbands meet at. He, what,  _ travelled north? _ , and found out the state of the Xishan lands?  _ Who’s Chief Kozel? Unless he’s referring to Captain Wuhan’s father, but...I thought that man was dead. _ Unless he knew this all along and that’s why he was telling me what must’ve been weeks ago to go to the north. And back to the Green Headbands,  _ meet? Meet their leaders? Why?  _ Lao Ge, master of never explaining anything to its fullest extent. He’s always hiding something.  _ The Sun burning me? Shadows taking me? The Sun would be, what...Zuko? The Avatar? And the shadows are, what? Some rogue group of Dai Li?  _ This sparked yet more questions. Questions I feared I wouldn’t get an answer to unless I did as the Immortal commanded.  _ Because he has the ‘Line of Kyoshi’s’ best interests at heart. That was his promise to Kyoshi.  _ I considered telling the Dai Li agents first, but I was reminded that he wanted me to go  _ as  _ Hayashi, the famous actor. 

“I’m not busy, no, no, my  _ job  _ is to follow you around. Why would I be busy? And going into the Upper Ring? Sure, that’s the safest place aside from home to go to. But tell me  _ why  _ Nan can’t come?” the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors asked all of this from behind the privacy wall she was using for...privacy. Instead of normal off-duty wear, she switched into a green informal kimono-tunic. Nan, being a good boy, instead looked up at me and wagged his tongue at the mention of himself. “Because if people see Nan they’ll know it’s me.”  _ Isn’t that right, Nan? You’re a wonderfully unique good boy?  _ I have him some ear scratches because I felt bad for his lack of inclusion. “I order you to take him along,” Suki said with that  _ I’m-your-cousin-and-your-Captain-and-you-will-listen-to-me  _ voice which she doesn’t often use. But assertiveness is a language of its own. And I’m not going to go against a katana-wielding teenager. So I budged and agreed that the three of us would take two ostrich horses and ride for ‘some field southeast’ of the ‘One Hahnded’.  _ That’s what Lao Ge said. That’s what I’ll do _ . My submission got me some cheek licks from a good boy who loves licking my cheeks. I put on a less-formal,  _ truly  _ informal blue robe without any special properties, gold trimmings, or other such markings of Imperial power, might, and so on, on, and grabbed a less-formal scabbard,  _ it’s just a scabbard _ . My simplicity joined Suki and her fans and Nan and his howling and the three of us set off for the far distant lands of the Upper Ring. The Imperial Guards that lined the hallways were the only people to notice our departure, and most of them wished us off with “Have a good lunch, Your Majesty!” and “Enjoy the play, Your Majesty!” for they presumed that such  _ in _ formality was a sign of the two of us trying to go interact with the Lower Ringers. They were right, we were going to interact with Lower Ringers. Just not the ones they thought we’d meet.

We descended the Thousand Steps and requested regular ostrich horses to get on. I wasn’t going to say a  _ word  _ of what Lao Ge told me until I was far from the eyes and ears of the Imperial Court and their bobbing heads. As the three of us left, some of them gathered on either side to see us off. The Imperial Herald’s aides still announced that the Emperor and his bodyguard were departing the Imperial Palace, not that they knew where. The Avatar’s mount wasn’t there to see us off, meaning the Avatar was gone.  _ Where? Where did he go?  _ I was reassured by the reminder that  _ the Avatar always returns  _ and that if he was a man of his word, he’d be consulting Her Imperial Majesty later on during this day. To compliment all this, harsh western wind made the flags lining the terracotta walls of the Southern Gatehouse stand tall and proud. Had I worn a cape, it might’ve sent it flying. “No, Lieutenant, we’re going  _ alone _ ” and the Lieutenant and his retinue gave us -well I- confused looks before submitting. Suki’s genuine -she thought it was the truth- comment of “We’re going to a play! Don’t worry!” was what convinced him. He and the rest of their barded mounts rode back while we rode out to the sound of horns and drums.

“We’re going on a roundabout journey first” is what I told my cousin. She ‘told’ me a pair of calm eyebrows. It wasn’t that hard to find the tavern. Going south from the Imperial Palace, we made a left at the closest monorail depot, then went straight until we reached the ‘outskirts’ of the ‘urban’ governmental area that hugs the Central Axis. Only a few blocks away the lanterns poles lessened and the right side of the street showcases wide expanses of nothingness, of rural game and pastureland. Not nothingness...estates belonging to the higher echelons dotting artificial hills. We also didn’t need to find the tavern. A small band of figures stood out in one of these grassy meadows, gathered around a single individual like he was some kind of sage dispersing wisdom. I brought my mount to a halt and looked out in their direction. Suki rode up to my side. 

“Suki, are you up for visiting the Green Headbands again?” “So  _ that’s  _ why you wanted us to dress like this. I should’ve known.” but this wasn't a ‘no.’ Just as motivated as ever, she half-sarcastically quipped “Sure thing,  _ Hayashi _ .” I put on my green headband, holding back some of the hair I deliberately didn’t queue up to appear less formal. _ I also had someone else to ask.  _ “Nan, you up for this? It might be a long day.” “Woof!” which I think means ‘Let’s go’ since he took off into the field. “Nan! Get back here!” I shouted before stirring my mount after him.  _ That  _ got the attention of the small group of people. Nan stopped, turned around and gave his head a slight twist out of misunderstanding. I caught up to him and with one big leg swing, hopped off the ostrich horse and landed next to him. Did it have to be as dramatic? No. Was it fun? It was. Good for me that my ostrich horse decided to stop. Not as good, a dozen men holding knives pointing them at me. 

“What are you doing out here, noble?” one of them said. Nan didn’t take kindly to that question and bared his teeth. Suki also didn't take kindly to that question and got in front of me. “We’re here to-” I cut her off, “I’m Hayashi, perhaps you know me” but they looked at me funny.  _ What...what am I supposed to do?  _ Thank the whiskey Spirits, or maybe the spirit Spirits, or maybe spirits, because I thought of something  _ so  _ stupid that it  _ might  _ work. I copied one of my actor’s poses, bending my arms to ‘show off my muscles’ as he sometimes does after cutting a evil, evil, ashmaker in two with the power of his  _ jian  _ and just before he uses his ‘ _ jian’ _ to... _ forget it _ .  _ I’m shuddering at the thought _ . One of these knife-people stuck his blade back in his sheath and started foaming-in-the-mouth. 

Much like that young man from back home who tried and failed to date Suki.  _ Or wait no, Suki tried to date him.  _ She asked the  _ wisest  _ man she knew on dating advice -she didn’t name who, just ‘someone from the village I like’- and the  _ wisest  _ man she knew -unaware of who she’d been gossiping with- was busy trying to frontflip off a rock to go swimming in a snowmelt-filled lake. What did this man say? ‘Just tell him you like him and don’t be girlish’. I couldn’t help it, I  _ was  _ the  _ wisest  _ man she knew. Still am, probably. Anyways, back to men threatening to murder me. 

“You’re Hayashi!  _ The  _ Hayashi?” this foaming-at-the-mouth man asked.  _ No, this is Lee _ . “He is  _ the  _ Hayashi, and I’m his friend Aoma!”  _ Right, right, I forgot, you named yourself after everyone’s favorite Dai Li dating music composer.  _ Finally recovering from almost being stabbed,  _ not that I’d go down that fast, as I’m sure a bunch of daofei would attest to _ , I shouted “The Fiery Sky is Dead! The Jade Empire will Rise!” and the rest of them cheered. How did I know they were supporters? They were all wearing green headbands. And they were gathered in a field around a man wearing a green headband and they looked to be of the Lower Ringer type and unlike some,  _ some, you mean most _ , it’s rare to find a mob of Lower Ringers gathered in a random Upper Ring field. Why stab me? Why not? Who doesn’t love a good stabbing? “You really  _ stabbed  _ that Empress last night!” some man in the crowd shouted while they gathered around myself, Nan -who was now much calmer but still watching them like a guard wolf-dog- and Suki. I didn’t listen to that man’s comment, or rather the context that surrounded it, and replied “Yes! I did that thing!” and Suki broke into laughter.  _ Well this isn’t confusing _ . “You going to  _ stab  _ the Empress tonight?” and this time I heard what he, a different he, said.  _ I’m sorry, what did you say?  _ “I’m not planning to assassinate the Empress, no” I replied like this was a formal inquiry. The crowd laughed. Suki leaned in and clarified that ‘they were talking about in the bedroom...on stage’. And I went all “oh’, then “oh”, then another “oh” and finally “oh!” and resisted the need to retch. Mustering my charisma,  _ remember, it’s part of an act _ , “Yes! I shall stab the Empress tonight with my sword!” and the crowd punched the air in applause for the actor, Hayashi, and his many antics related to bedrooms. 

A figure made the crowd part. It was a man in Imperial Army attire.  _ Ji _ . “Hayashi!” he said, elated. “I’m glad to see you got our invitation to our rally!”  _ I’m glad to see that, too _ .  _ Assuming I could see with both eyes _ . “I’m…”  _ quick, words! _ , “sorry for being late, I was held up.” then I gestured to my cousin and my wolf-dog, “this is-” “Aoma” he yelled, happy, and offered her a polite bow, “and my wolfdog Nan” and Nan gave a whimper of ‘but you’re not named Hayashi.’ So I rubbed his head so he wouldn’t... _ wait it’s not like he can speak the same tongue as the rest of us _ ...and he licked my hand. The people looking in at us collectively went ‘aww’ and one even stated “Your wolf-dog’s so adorable!” while others asked to pet him. I rejected all petting requests, much to Nan’s annoyance which he voiced through some whines. With everyone else backing off to give officer Ji some space, he and I could talk. 

“We were just mustering to go march on a nearby Air Acolyte chapter.” and he patted my shoulder before spinning around to address his audience. In a booming voice, “Those thugs are going to  _ pay  _ for what they did to my sister!” and the crowd yelled in agreement. “Sister?” I asked his back. He turned back around, his face wasn’t as upbeat or as charismatic, it was solemn. “Some thugs...my poor Bao…they fled and took the vows and hid behind those walls...” but  _ Suki _ intervened to hug him. “We’ll get who did this. And they’re going to pay.” 

I didn’t even have the time to comprehend what was going on. Suki grabbed me by the arm and whisked me out of his small speech area. There, she whispered, a fire in her tongue, “I don’t know what you wanted to do earlier,  _ we’re  _ doing this.” I looked her in her blue eyes, she looked at my good one, and I put a hand on her shoulder while she put one on mind. We nodded. Remember, she didn’t know what happened to me for affiliating with the Green Headbands. Oh, and also remember, common sense tends to go flying out the window when someone mentions something that Kyoshi’s Ethics stands against. I’m sure in her mind, she was thinking  _ “The Emperor’s justice and the Imperial Army bringing it”  _ or something like that. 

Against  _ all  _ common sense, I walked up to the teary-eyed Jiang -or Ji for short- and in my most heroic voice I could muster “by the name of Kyoshi, we will bring vengeance on them!” and drew my blade. The crowd looked at me, probably wondering  _ why  _ the actor for the Emperor was acting like the One-Eyed Badgermole, and some murmured “has he taken his acting too seriously” and “is that a real  _ jian _ ” among other questions. So I looked at Suki, who was all ‘go for it’ and I pulled off my basic eyepatch and pointed at the fake eye sitting in the place of a real one. First, silence. Second, murmurs of confusion. Third,  _ Ji _ pulled out his  _ dao _ , punched the air, and yelled “Ten Thousand Years!” Fourth, everyone else did. This Ji fellow suddenly became quite humble. 

“Your Majesty, we...didn’t know you were part of...our movement.” and the lot of them kowtowed. I was inspired to question them. “Does your movement call for the extermination of those who break Kyoshi’s ethics?” While in a proper kowtow, Ji looked up at me and responded “Of course, Your Majesty” and bopped his head against the ground. I looked at Suki, she gave me a nod of  _ intent _ , I looked back down at him. “I...am not against it.” The men rose and chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” while Jiang pointed his blade towards the skyline of buildings that sit along or near the Central Axis Road. “Out there! The building that’s flying the swirling flag!” and he marched to the front of the column of this… unorganized mob… and walked off for that building. “That’s where they hide!” Suki and I got back on our mounts, Nan at my side, and the three of us took to riding up towards the man’s side. “Weren’t you going to go protest the Avatar’s embassy?” I asked Ji, looking down at him and his waving  _ dao _ .  _ The Imperial Tutor wouldn’t lie about this, right? No, he wouldn’t. _ “No, no...this is personal. Those  _ cowards  _ fled to the ‘sanctuary’ and took their vows. Maybe their Avatar will protect them-” and he spat at the ground. “-maybe not.” 

_ Am I really doing this?  _ “I...shouldn’t we consult with the Imperial Army?” and the crowd laughed. “We  _ are  _ the Imperial Army!” they shouted.  _ I’m really doing this _ . “And you?” I eyed Suki with my one good eye. She calmly stated “Those who break the ethics of Kyoshi should pay.”  _ That’s...I agree...but… _ I couldn’t keep thinking, because the men were singing. I forgot, these people were part of a  _ movement _ , a movement that may or may not be considered rebellious.  _ But under my command, they aren’t rebels _ . They weren’t singing songs, they were singing chants. Phrases like their personal motto or “Ten Thousand Years” and other such. And they kept singing, an incoherent mob of singing, as we walked down the outskirts of the Upper Ring and approached this...building.

It was three stories tall, so about average for a government building. It was coated in banners with a swirling orb of light blue and light gray on an orange background. From the best of my knowledge, the gray was passive while the light blue was like a wind current blowing in from the top-right of the orb. I’m sure there’s some philosophy or spiritual meaning of this and  _ I, do, not, care _ . There were also different sized flags -and pennants- of orange with three grey airbending spirals on them. The western wind helped us with glimpsing these flags in full... _ attention? _ The building itself had many decorations of orange tapestries. Orange potted plants were placed in a disorganized manner all over. This looked more like someone’s private residence who happened to have an affinity for a specific culture, and  _ not  _ a government organization of some kind of institution. Let alone a building supposedly founded by the Avatar’s own holy hand. I suppose that’s why these suspected criminals wound up hiding behind the one story wall. Upon the arrival of our mob, a young woman wearing orange robes similar to the ones I saw back in Yu Dao emerged from an orange door with the Air Nomad’s three swirls carved into it. She looked up at me while Nan ran up to her and sniffed her out,  _ good on you, Nan _ , and it only took one point-at-eye for her to go “Your Majesty!” and perform a  _ terrible  _ Air Nomad bow. One of the soldiers in this mob of green headbands grabbed my ostrich horse for me while I jumped off. 

I walked over to her, did not bow back, and recalled Nan to my side. “On orders of…” I looked at Suki, she nodded, “myself, I’m here to apprehend a criminal” and I put my hand on my hilt. She looked somewhat frightened by the hand-on-hilt move. “Your Majesty, we...don’t let criminals in” and her stuttering was either a sign of her terror or her lying. And I like to give weird cults the benefit of the doubt. I walked around her and  _ kick _ , the wooden door opened. “Then I’m sure you won’t mind, as this is Her Imperial Majesty’s city, I perform a routine inspection.” and I walked into the courtyard. She ran after me and pleaded “But...Your Majesty...this is Air Nation property!”  _ No it isn’t. _ I was tired of this woman. “This is  _ not  _ Air Nation ‘property’, the Air Nomads lacked any sedentary property and  _ this is Ba Sing Se _ !” and if I had to make my voice any louder I might become a short blind girl with earthbending powers. She took a few deep breaths, probably taught to her by the Avatar since that’s the only air she’ll  _ ever  _ bend, and offered yet another bow to me. “I’m Xia, head of-” “In the name of Her Imperial Majesty will you  _ please  _ cram it?” and this woman did not, indeed, cram it. “How may the-” I cut her off,  _ time to act like a General, then _ . “I order your barracks emptied and all to stand at attention!” This Xia woman, thin like a featureless bamboo stalk, gasped at the command. “We...don’t have barracks. We aren’t an army, Your Majesty.”  _ Well you better find one because I’m invading _ . The angry  _ dao _ -wielding Ji looked about ready to cave this woman’s face in. As such, no better time for introductions. “Xia, meet Officer Jiang of the First Division. He’s got some questions.” and I took to walking around this courtyard. More potted plants. And airbender...gliders.  _ Gliders. That’s our property _ . Ji was not nearly as polite but quite effective. Some shouting later and Xia ran inside to fetch ‘her stupid concubines’ as Ji put it. 

The small force of soldiers, mostly Lower Ringer peasants dressed like peasants, with a few Imperial Army soldiers in their garb in the midst of them all, gathered outside the compound waiting for justice to be delivered. Ji and his three friends, Suki, and myself remained inside the courtyard waiting for this Xia woman to return. And Nan? He was running his snout along the edge of the interior, sniffing for something. I don’t know if Imperial Hunting Wolf-dogs are good at searching or not, but he seemed interested in his objective and I wasn’t about to stop him. “When this... _ daofei _ , and his friends, come out, I’ll let Your Majesty know” and I could feel his blade crying for blood. But that didn’t happen. Xia, or one of her friends  _ I have no idea they all sound quite similar to me _ , called out inviting us inside. Suki gave me a wary glare, I gave her a ‘what could go wrong’ look, since at best,  _ we find this man and we kill him _ and at worst _ , this man finds us and we kill him _ . With Suki, Ji and Nan at my back I went inside this structure.

Derelict buildings have sent letters to their ‘Chapter Headquarters’ of whatever district this is telling them that this is too derelict for the word. In the Earth Empire, we’d say that their living room or lounge room or common room was covered in ‘garbage’. But here? Young men and women were cleaning and looking after ‘relics’ from a bygone era. Small statues of monks and nuns who probably play a significant role in their spirituality, pottery,  _ more  _ pottery, laughable attempts by these people to recreate said pottery pottery, toys, playthings, baskets, more toys,  _ flags? _ , and of course, walking sticks. I didn’t know the Air Nomads had so much  _ stuff _ . I didn’t know the people who never had worldly possessions had so many worldly possessions. I didn’t own an entire orchestra of instruments in  _ my  _ spruce hut back on Kyoshi Island. But these people? They get so many objects that are either instruments or props of instruments that I’m surprised the Air Nomads didn’t  _ music  _ the Fire Nation to death. The Acolytes got off their physically unfit positions and opted to try and terribly perform a mixture of Air Nomad bows, Earth Kingdom bows and what I can only describe as ‘made up bows’. I didn’t know inventing a made-up national identity required so much...inventing.  _ Okay, I get the irony of that, but who would’ve known they’d invent such poor… ‘tradtions?’. _

Following the call of action, I went up the stairs before finding myself in a second story dining room. This room spanned the entire structure and I’ve only got one eye, meaning it might be larger than even that, and was full of chairs... _ wait a miao _ . I looked at the nearest table and pointed at one of the women idly standing there like a moron. “Did you...steal these from the Imperial Palace? What’s a badgermole motif got to do with an  _ Air Nomad  _ table?” I looked elsewhere, the chairs were of many kinds. “What does a blue and green cushion have to do with the Air Nomads?”  _ That’s my cushion. And if it’s not mine, it’s not yours _ . “We...bought them from some officials, Your Majesty” and this nameless woman bowed.  _ You bought a table? You bought a table with blue and green chair coloration, the sigil of us Imperials. No official owns such goods. You… _ “I thought the Air Nomads didn’t have gold. Or worldly possessions.” “We are not Air Nomads, Your Majesty.” and the woman bowed. “The Air Acolytes get to have gold?” “The Avatar gave us his own, Your Majesty.”  _ The Avatar doesn’t have that much gold.  _ It didn’t matter. She was doing a terrible job of lying. “You stole these, didn’t you?” but the woman shook her head.  _ Fine, fine. but I’ll get my one thousandth five hundred and thirty seventh chair back _ . From a doorway -okay so this isn’t the whole floor- emerged this Xia and some middle-aged men who, personally, I wouldn’t trust to deliver a verbal statement to the next room order let alone join a monastic order. 

“Please, Your Majesty, sit. And relinquish your weapons. This is a weapon-free zone” she stated with a hint of commanding while two of her allies walked up to me and expected me to,  _ what? _ , give up my weapons? “Ha!” I counter-offered. “No.” and I kept my hand on my trust  _ jian  _ hilt. One of these four middle aged men, his beard so scruffy I wonder if the Acolytes picked him up off a street corner, decided to walk up to me.  _ You need to take a shower. I’m saying this as someone who follows the ‘protective layer of earth’ rule _ . Nan ran up to my side and looked up at this man. Then came Suki and Ji, or their footsteps. And upon Ji’s arrival, “that’s the guy!” But this… guy, had other ideas. Namely, he drew his knife and really,  _ really  _ really, wanted to give the Emperor a haircut. Two downsides to that idea. One, he tried to stab me from the wrong angle. What kind of idiot comes  _ down _ with a stab? I’m not wearing armor!  _ Wait he doesn’t know that _ . Go for the chest! And two? Two came in the form of my good boy, Nan. While this genius of geniuses came down at me with a stab, I grabbed his hand. I might’ve offered some wisdom on corrections but Nan  _ jumped up _ and grabbed this man’s throat. And by grab I mean he sunk his teeth into this awful assassin’s poor,  _ poor _ , throat. The man dropped his knife, screamed in pain, tried to wrestle the wolf-dog in the process of ripping his throat to pieces, and instead was taken down to the ground by Nan. He was pulled down and had his throat ripped out. At the same time, Suki snapped her fans open, Ji put his  _ dao  _ in guard stance, and the teenage girls no older than Suki or I shrieked like they just saw some random man get his throat removed. Sadly for them,  _ they just did _ . 

“In the name of Her Imperial Majesty, you’re all under arrest!” and now  _ my  _ blade was drawn and pointing at the three other men and the cowering Acolyte women. Did the three men drop their knives that I didn’t know they had and surrender peacefully? Would I be writing this if they did? No. They drew their knives,  _ not a good idea _ , and one grabbed the Xia woman and held her at knife-point while the other two charged us. Note to all future assassins, knives are terrible choices. Try a long blade instead, like Lord Dong’s thick - _ no, Toph, I’m not going there _ \- two-hander me-length  _ jian _ . Because with knives, the two could try, and did try, stabbing me at the same time, sure, but it didn’t work well. For the first one, I leaned forward and  _ stab _ , went right into where his mouth was. The second one paused to admire or look on in terror as his friend ate a  _ jian _ , and because he paused, he got a hand handed to him through hand removal. With a blade. Now without a knife and without a hand to hold that knife, he looked at Ji and his blade, Suki -and her intimidating fans- and myself and my his-friend-stained  _ jian _ and fell over. I think the Imperial officer gave him a good  _ slice  _ to stop his bothersome nonsense. Basic logic concludes three dead means one’s alive. 

The last man? “One step forward and I gut this wench!” and the three of us, at my hand raise, halted. I pulled a cloth off the waist of the man my wolf-dog was currently eating and cleaned my blade. It’s always a good idea to clean one’s blade. I looked at this teenage Xia and her absolutely terrified face, and commented “Okay then. She’s not part of the Empire anyways. Not my problem” and I backed up. This  _ daofei  _ was doing a terrible job of being a  _ daofei _ . Normally, threaten someone who  _ matters  _ and your victim will kowtow. I couldn’t care less. He taunted me with “I  _ will  _ kill her! She’s a girl! Emperors don’t let girls die!” I looked at my cousin, then back at him. “I really don’t see why not. My battalion was ambushed by cadets in Caldera. We didn’t stop to ask whether or not they were old enough to die.” He pressed the knife blade up against her chin. He wasn’t getting the point. “This is one of the Avatar’s women,  _ daofei _ , not mine.” “What if I tell everyone  _ you  _ let a woman die because she wasn’t yours!” he yelled.  _ A fair question _ . “Then you tell them a woman died because she wasn’t part of the Empire.  _ She  _ took the vows. She left the Empire. She’s not my problem. She’s the Avatar’s.” “You’re pregnant, aren’t you, Xia?” this  _ daofei  _ asked. “Yes” she nodded. I looked at my cousin, then back at her. “I don’t care. Again. You want to kill her, go ahead and slit her throat. You want to ransom her, the Avatar’s-” I squinted at this Xia lady, “- _ got lots of gold _ .”  _ You all bought these chairs. Your own words _ . “I  _ will  _ kill her” he sounded less like he was going to and more like he was frustrated. “Are you frustrated that I don’t care about your mortality?”  _ Wait, wrong person _ . “Are you frustrated that I don’t care about Lady Xia’s life? I don’t.” 

This was getting boring. “Nan! Eat him!” and the wolf-dog ran up to the large  _ daofei _ and sunk his jaws into the man’s hand. The man turned into a squealing pig-sheep. Pig-sheep can’t hold knives up to hostages’ throats. He dropped the blade and ate a fan,  _ thrown _ . “Did you just  _ throw  _ your fan?” my cousin nodded. I could only ask “Why?” while approaching the squealing pig-sheep.  _ Why would you waste such a perfectly good implement? _ “Quiet” I told the floor, and the pig-sheep was silenced with a blade through the chest. 

The hostage was as offensive as a light breeze and despite watching her  _ assailant  _ being distracted by my dialogue and the subsequent removal of his hand from his body, she couldn’t be bothered so much as elbow him to try and escape. No, no, fighting back against assailants is dumb. Just wait for the Spirit plot armor-powered Avatar to fall from the sky and save you.  _ Yup _ . I have to assume that’s what she thought would do. Anyone reasonable would, you know,  _ try  _ to elbow the distracted man. Instead, she stood there with her hand on her mouth wailing. With all these people dead or about to be, thank you Ji for -  _ why did you have to cut off his hands first? Come on, is this a competition? _ \- finishing the last one, I could properly sheath my blade and whistle -and fail to whistle- and recall Nan over. He was wagging his tail and he woofed happily. Ignoring all the blood, as one would, he was acting like he just went out on an absolutely satisfying stroll. “Who’s a good boy?”  _ here, you get a head rub _ . “Woof!” which I take to mean ‘I am!’ followed by some whines of happiness as he enjoyed the ear-scratching. While the Xia woman fainted from the nonsense she just witnessed, Nan gave me a “Woof?” which probably ‘Did I kill the right people? Did I? Did I?’ and as such I knelt next to him,  _ watch it, pool of indignity right there _ , and rubbed his head. “You did, Nan. You did.”  _ here, have some more rubs. You’re a good boy. You’re a very good boy. I like you. _ Meanwhile, Ji and Suki kicked open doors ready for, as Ji taunted, “anyone else?”  _ I don’t think so.  _

With the assistance of his companions, Ji dragged the four fellows, or what remained of them, outside and gave them the honorable burial one  _ would  _ give four men who violated Kyoshi’s ethics. Her most personal ethics, in fact. And by honorable I mean the four’s heads were removed and the rest of their bodies were hacked into small pieces. I watched all this from the second story. They were hacked apart with knives. And  _ dao _ blades. And even a spear stabbing for the pleasure of stabbing. The Air Acolytes who had gathered to witness this strange -to them- execution of justice were crying and moaning and groaning and other such words at how ‘awful’ and ‘terrible’ the Green Headbands were treating these people. Because to the Acolytes, all life is sacred. While all this happened, I went and stood next to Xia until she recovered from her brief bout with reality. When she got up again, one of the skittering attendants informed her of, “the soldiers cut off the four Acolytes’...parts, and will, quote, ‘find their families and send them all that remains.’” Xia did  _ not  _ expect me to punch the air and go “Good!” while grinning. “You...you’re a monster” she said to the man holding a blade that just cut a man twice her size down like it was nothing.  _ Me _ . “That’s for the histories to decide, isn’t it?” and she recoiled in terror.  _ Because everyone knows monsters love monologues, eh? _ Speaking of such, “I’d like to meet with your Air Acolyte leader. And no not the Avatar. Whoever  _ runs  _ all these chapters.” but this woman and her terrified expression could speak a thousand words. “Please,  _ please _ , don’t go against Imperial orders.” In retrospect, I can see why the way I said that made her decide to embrace one of the Air Nomad’s finest practices. Avoiding and evading. 

She ran off to go find a safer place, I guess, to hide in and also preach her ideology from. In the meanwhile, Ji and his friends returned inside and “Orders, Your Majesty?” while getting into kowtows. Addressing them and the two attendants who sat in the far corner scared beyond measure, “Get me all their documents. I’d  _ love  _ to know why or how some...people...let’s call them that, were allowed to join an order of monks and nuns.” The men of the Imperial Army took that order with a smile and proceeded to bash down door after door. One of the attendants got out of her scared position, walked up to me, and  _ insisted  _ with that  _ insisting  _ tone that some people who really have nothing like to use when they’re standing ‘up’ to ‘authority’,  _ see Osaka _ , “You’ll answer for your crimes! Murder is punishable by-” but I cut her off with my laughter. “What? You’re going to kill someone for  _ saving all of you _ ? Do you know what those men did?” and she shook her head. Suki, ever elegant, stepped to the side and whispered something to her. She looked at me with wide-eyes, then raised her finger as if,  _ what, are you going to object to that? _ . “They came here to reform who they were. They took vows of-” But her rehearsal speech was cut off by, get this,  _ more  _ laughter. “Yes I know, I know. They’re suddenly holy and perfect and not carrying weapons. And they love each other like siblings love one another and they only eat plants and all of that.” and once done laughing at my own statements, I squinted at her. 

“You going to tell me something I can  _ use  _ or are you going to keep telling me how everyone’s holy and can change and all that?” She lowered her finger because she likely didn’t expect me to be done with her. But she didn’t give up. “Those four should’ve been allowed to go to prison! Or a chance at-”  _ nope, I’m actually done with you now _ . I drew my blade. “Listen here, and  _ please  _ listen  _ well _ because it’s considered a high honor to not be executed for failing to address your Emperor but as you’re clearly a uneducated fool I can forgive you for that. For as long as you want to sit in Her Imperial Majesty’s city, you’re going to follow Her Imperial Majesty’s laws. And one of those is a very simple one. Suki?” and Suki stepped forward, clearly annoyed at my hastiness-to-anger, but accepting of the reason why, and spoke for me. “These four attacked us. Attacking the Emperor is punishable by death. Violating another is punishable by death.” and she backed off. This nameless attendant was shocked. I rolled my good eye because this was  _ boring.  _ Send me on a campaign or something, this is just...idiotic. “As all of you are members of the Earth Empire, you’re quite conscriptable to Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Army. So unless you want to be stationed along the Si Wong, I’d advise  _ following  _ the rules. Please consult with a local Dai Li agent for further instructions.” I stuck my blade back in it’s sheath and shouted “We’re leaving!”. I left with Suki and Nan in tow.

The two of us got back on our ostrich horses, joined by Nan, and decided to go home. There was nothing of note within the Air Acolyte’s rooms. For all the junk they own, they have no records of any kind. In fact, Ji, rightfully, suspects most of them aren’t even literate. So we have no idea what  _ other  _ nonsense lurks beneath the surface and for once, this isn’t my problem. I ordered Ji to disperse his mob and ‘go do something else’. He kowtowed and his forces, now happy with their conclusion, went back to their barracks and servant’s quarters and wherever else they might’ve come from. Ji warned me that ‘other groups of Green Headbands’ might do ‘other things’ that he didn’t specify. I ordered him and all his men to pretend I didn’t exist. 

Only afterwards, with my mind cleared, did it hit me that this is one of those events that is better off becoming an urban legend. ‘The One-Eyed Badgermole will hunt you down’. Did I trust these Green Headband people? They didn’t seem outright suspicious. And their movement? It’d be far better if people  _ don’t  _ know the Emperor accidentally associated with a rebellious group because that would not go well. Especially one that is anti...the Avatar, the Court, anti-everyone that isn’t the Empress.  _ Nope, that wouldn’t go well _ .

We returned to the Imperial Palace in the middle of, what else, a bending battle. The Avatar was doing his air-spout, dodging boulders the Empress was kicking at him. The drums and gongs and horns of the Imperial Guard weren’t loud enough to wash out the battle cries of  _ the  _ Twinkletoes and  _ a  _ wrestler. The Empress noted the two sets of ostrich horse feet, and the wolf-dog’s feet, and ordered the duel be paused in a very Toph-like manner. She hit the Avatar with a large rock pillar and he vanished behind the not-actually-his Avatar’s Guest House.

“Your Majesty!” I shouted, hopping off my ostrich horse. The moment my feet hit the ground, “Kyoshi! You’re back too soon! Did the tavern close?” and she waited for me to make the  _ long  _ run over to her. Nan, being Nan, ran up to her, kowtowed, and began licking her hands like a wolf-dog chasing prey. The Avatar’s wind buffalo and his friends were gone, suggesting from first glance -like I’m going to see anything anyways- that maybe they had responsibilities to get to.  _ Well I probably do _ . The Avatar fell from the sky, as Avatars sometimes do, and bowed to me. “Your Earthliness! You look like you just had a good workout!”  _ I did. My thighs hurt. You try sitting in an ostrich horse stance all day.  _ “How was your day, Avatar?” I asked while a certain Empress was giggling from Nan licks. “The Empress and I came to an agreement on something! Woohoo!” and he raised his hands high in elation. He pretended to wipe sweat from his head. Suki, meanwhile, wiped actual sweat from my head.  _ Woohoo. Right? Right?  _

“What woohoo?” and I alternated between looking at him and her, “what agreement?” The Avatar stepped in front of my line of sight,  _ listen Twinkletoes I’ve only got one line for sight, please don’t _ , and bowed to me once again. “I said I didn’t care, Twinkletoes took that as an approval to go build his stupid embassy full of Twinkletoeses. His Twinkletoeses are going to have to pay tax for living here, so no more free living. Also, did  _ you _ ” and she pointed her ear-picking finger at me, “know that this army of Twinkletoeses was living here without paying their tax?”  _ No, I didn’t _ . I looked at the Avatar. “So...why? Are you creating an organization of  _ daofei _ ?” but he didn’t understand the connotation like Suki and I did. “No, Your Earthliness! My Air Acolytes are the purest, best intentioned people. They’ll build homes for the homeless, host the homeless, give food to the Lower Ring, all for free!”  _ Really now? Really?  _ “Avatar, I would suggest taking a look at your organization. Bad soil will produce bad crops.” and I turned to my side and  _ ow, thanks for the shoulder punch, Toph _ . “Any news?” but the howling western wind objected to my question. I repeated my inquiry, “Any news?” and Toph waved Captain Wuhan over, also,  _ hello Captain Wuhan! _ , and he produced a scroll from his armor. “News right here!” He handed the scroll to Toph, she handed it to me but forgot I was not standing  _ in front  _ of her so she handed it to the air and the air took it flying. Thankfully, the stationary lines of Imperial Guards stopped being so stationary. One of them grabbed it out of midair and walked over to me to give it to me. I unfurled it and read it. It was Lao Ge’s list of Xishan Tribes with a note to ‘Start with the Zheng’.  _ I should get on this.  _

“Your Majesty, may I take Captain Wuhan and Captain Suki and go north to the lands of the Xishan?”. Thankfully the Avatar had run off to go find something to do with his existence so that left the four of us, and Nan, and the statue-like Imperial Guards. Toph put her hands on her hips, “Why?”  _ Think of something. Other than unification. Wait, wait, I know what I want to do _ .  __ “I want to go...get you a fur blanket?” and I’m not joking, she hugged me. “Really? That’d be sweet of you!” and as quickly as her girlishness began, she shoved me backwards. “Then get out of here already and go get me that blanket!” and she turned to Captain Wuhan and “you heard your Kyoshi! Go with him! Up north! Blanket!” but before  _ he  _ could think it through, he agreed to her orders, “As Your Majesty commands”, kowtowed, rose, and joined me. The three of us, not counting Nan, went to wash up. Nothing like a good shower to get all the filthy Air Nomad dust off of me. 

After finishing, we discussed our plan. Afterall, Wuhan and Suki had no idea what the scroll read. “So the Imperial Tutor wants me to unify the tribes of the Xishan.” Wuhan’s mouth dropped. “Go...home? I...I...I haven’t been there in so long…” and Suki’s mouth likewise dropped. “Unify the, no offense Captain, people who’ve  _ never  _ kowtowed before the Badgermole Throne?” and I nodded. “Why are you listening to this old man anyhow?” my wise cousin wondered. “Do you know who ‘this old man’ is, Suki?” and she paused, tapped her chin, and I saw her go ‘oh’. “Yes,  _ that  _ old man.”  _ Oh indeed _ . Suki then turned to Wuhan and, with a completely different tone, said “trust me, Captain. This man’s...a legend. The Imperial Tutor is legendary. His advice is from a lifetime of experience.” 

“But...Father...he hasn’t seen me for so long” the normally rough and gritty voice of the Captain was now less rough and more...gloomy. Suki, ever the wise, stated that “we don’t  _ need  _ to go there as the Emperor and his friends. We can go as...well...travellers. Travellers joining you. Right? Captain, would your father let you return?” and the burly Captain put his head in his hands. “Yes...he would. But...we’d have to be...smart.’

A couple Clear Whiskies later, we concluded “This can work” according to Suki, “I’ll even get my unification of the tribes!” from me, and “Father’s going to have so many questions.” from the Captain.

And so, into the Far North, we go. In the name of our Empress, whiskey, a fur blanket gift, and maybe creating a Banner Army

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we depart for the lands of the Xishan Tribes!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Not-Gang-Warfare Folks:  
> -Yes, there are murals filled with prayers all around the Imperial Palace, in places nobody's ever going to look. As for why the Consort's Bedroom has words for fertility...well you can guess.  
> -The other anarchist group Lao Ge is referring to is the White Lotus. Mori doesn't know that.  
> -Aside from canon's use of Hira'a being the hometown to Ursa, I have headcanon'd that many of the Eastern Fire Islands are home to ninja-like organizations. I don't mean men in black spandex defying gravity, I mean historical shinobi. Lower classes with no literary skill recruited for a variety of tasks.  
> -Why the Eastern Fire Islands? Just as the Iga and Koga clans were inaccessible and mountainous, many of the smaller Eastern Fire Islands are too small and out of the way to pose strategic purpose to anyone and too mountainous to base a large garrison. As such, the 'larger' small islands (that is, the ones with a small mountain range instead of just one peak, think Kyoshi Island) make for prime homes to such organizations.  
> -As always, almost everything Lao Ge says has a hidden meaning to it. I won't spoil them. When I finish 'Adventures' and you reread Lao Ge's passages, you'll learn something new.   
> -Yes, Lao Ge has previously traveled north to the lands of the Xishan. He did it within the past year.  
> -"Unless he knew this all along and that’s why he was telling me what must’ve been weeks ago to go to the north." Oh, Mori, if only you listened to him weeks ago.  
> -How did Lao Ge know where they'd be meeting? He's got spies of his own assuming he wasn't eavesdropping on this movement for weeks (he was).  
> -Mori and Suki's weakness: Kyoshi's Ethics. First brought up in Caldera when they find a bunch of their own soldiers (about to) rape some Fire Nation noblewoman. The perpetrators are brutally executed.   
> -Of course, remember the context that beyond everything else, these are still two -sometimes don't think everything through- young adults.   
> For instance, if they use violence against the presumed pacifists, wouldn't that destroy far more lives and cause far more chaos than using a legal route?  
> Possibly. Possibly not. I'm not going to let my characters pause and think every single thing through.  
> -https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/avatar/images/f/f5/Air_Nomads_emblem.png/revision/latest?cb=20090125144136 This is the first of many emblems the Air Acolytes will use.  
> -Mori has met the Acolytes before. They were present in Yu Dao back near the end of Records.  
> -Osaka was a colony that had a 10-way battle fought over it, see, Records.  
> -One of the most prominent groups was founded by a stereotypical bunch of teenagers. They're all 'unique' and special and...the Imperial Army obliterates all of them with a couple artillery volleys. Because stereotypical YA teenage rebel groups would fail if it wasn't for incompetent evil people.


	52. On the Road to Lan Shan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three companions, the Emperor, the Kyoshi Warrior and the 'Barbarian', set out to unify the North.  
> But first, they've got to get there.

Chapter One Hundred and Eighteen:

By order of Her Imperial Majesty, before the Sun could turn night to day, the three of us had risen and grabbed what we needed. Wuhan and I had our lavish-yet-practical Imperial Armor, and Suki her Kyoshi Warrior armor. We brought along our off-duty clothing but believed we’d likely never get the chance to use it. For once, I took the ancestral blade of the Beifongs, it’s black metal glinting against the lantern light. We did not depart with a fancy procession or any extravagant send-offs. Three people, one wolf-dog, three ostrich horses, some clothes, weapons, maps, bags, and as much jerky as we could stuff into everywhere. Not that we’d go without, but we were in a  _ bit  _ of a rush. The last thing I did before quite literally running out the door was give the Empress a hug. I earned a shoulder punch.

We rode for the nearest monorail terminal. Upon reaching where the Imperial Carriage rests, the Imperial Guard stationed there were surprised to see myself and only two bodyguards, to which I corrected them that I have  _ three  _ bodyguards and Nan woofed in agreement. “I’m looking for the Ba Sing Se-Xiong Lin line. What station do I go to?” The nearest Imperial Guard that wasn’t trying his best to pretend to be a statue pointed down the Central Axis Road, “the next station over is a depot, Your Majesty.” I gave him a small head bow and the four of us rode off, destination: further down the road.  _ I know, it’s so far _ .  _ So very far _ . 

We rode for the second-nearest monorail terminal. Upon reaching multiple hangar-sized buildings, where the monorail carriages are stored, an Imperial Guard who was not asleep and was awake and seemed to be doing his job noticed the three -actually four but it’s not his fault for not knowing- of us arriving. Like his predecessors, he kowtowed. Unlike his predecessors, he fell over because he was inebriated. Before Suki could hop in with an intervening hand, he got himself up and asked “How may we...serve you, Your Majesty?” I wasn’t about to execute a hopefully competent Imperial Guard for probably doing his job, so instead I moved on to more need-to-know matters. “I’m looking for the Ba Sing Se-Xiong Lin line. I’d like to requisition a carriage.” and I half-expected him to say “Papers, please?” and ask for all my documentation. Nope. He walked over to what appeared to be a guard station, a small two-story building. After some incoherent yelling, an annoyed man dressed like an Imperial Guard marched out the building with his hands at his sides and his face red with anger. Then he noticed me and my auburn queue and fell into a kowtow. No wait, he simply fell over. “I didn’t know...Your Majesty...forgive me!” For all I loved his stuttering, I  _ did  _ have...you know...to go somewhere. I said,  _ no,  _ ordered, “I want a carriage on the Xiong Lin line, the one that goes north around the West Lake” He properly kowtowed this time, “As Your Majesty wishes,” went back inside, and did all the boring paperwork related to this. 

By the time we actually  _ got  _ our own carriage, we were no longer alone. It took him so long to write a few words and stamp a paper that the Kyoshi Warriors came riding on their own ostrich horses. “Hey there!”  _ no, not that voice. Anyone but that voice _ . And sure, I turned my head to address my personal bodyguards. Not that it mattered. I was greeted with a pair of blinking eyes and their associated eyelashes. “Ty Lee.” I couldn’t sound more like Mai if I tried. “That’s me!” and she backflipped over to the other Kyoshi Warriors who were dismounting their ostrich horses the normal people way. I was saved from more of her nonsense, for the moment, by the sounds of a carriage being pushed onto a track.  _ Thank the Spirits of convenience. _ I ran for the carriage, Nan following suit with a confused whine. Suki was busy hugging her fellow Warriors. Wuhan felt as out of place as a snow-leopard-caribou in a desert. 

I’ve taken so many of these ‘requisitioned’ ex-noble’s carriages that I already knew where the bedroom is. I made a right upon entry, walked past the living room, down a hallway with a half-dozen doors, and picked the second one on the left.  _ Slam _ . Sure enough, that was the bedroom. With, get this, a bed. I did  _ not  _ want to have to deal with the acrobat and her nonsense, so as soon as Wuhan showed up and asked for instructions, “we’re going west until we reach Southern Beishan. The end.” and that  _ was  _ the end. He went to guard the door while I tried to fall asleep.  _ Tried _ . I tried to fall asleep. I know, it’s hard to do. I  _ tried _ . 

Inevitably, I woke up again. But things felt...different. I wasn’t greeted with a sore chest, and I was still wearing my Imperial Armor, save my helmet. My hair was still queued up. I looked around, half-expecting the Empress to be practicing her stances or stretching or something like that. I sat up and looked out the window behind me. We were in the process of crossing some kind of river. A wide river.  _ Where are we?  _ Considering the Sun was not shining in these windows, my windows ‘look out’ to the right of the carriage and it’s late-mid autumn, I’d guess we’re going west, placing the Sun to our south as it would be and placing all the land I’m looking at to our north. 

I didn’t need to put on pants, I was already wearing them. I walked around the room and felt...alone. I mean sure outside that door I’d probably get attack-hugged by the Kyoshi Warriors and licked by my good boy, Nan, but I wouldn’t get called ‘Kyoshi’ by anyone. Nor would I have the honor of doing one’s hair. Except now wasn’t the time to mope about missing people - _ you can do that later! _ \- now was the time to go one, find out where I was, and two, find out if we were going in the right direction. So I opened the door and…

“Good morning!” the acrobat screeched in giddiness, followed by an unprovoked attack hug. I gave this annoying woman with nightmare-inducing eyelashes one good  _ shove  _ and turned around to face...Suki and her dismissive, head shaking, head shake of disapproval. She even wagged her finger around, “No Ty Lee, that’s  _ my  _ job.” Then she attack-hugged me instead.  _ Can. We. Stop. The. Attack. Hugs?  _ The answer was no. Kyoshi Warriors love being weirdly affectionate. Also they’re all my bodyguards. “Suki, I didn’t die. All I did was go to  _ sleep _ .” “So? You going to tell me hugging isn’t fun?”  _ I...you. You know you’ve knocked me into a corner, Sukes. You know that.  _ Unlike Ty Lee to whom I imagine I’d never be released from a hug, Suki was quite quick and went back to standing in a relaxed guard stance, also known as standing upright.  _ Right, now that all the hugging is done _ , “Where are we?” I asked her while turning to look at a  _ sad  _ Ty Lee. Sad Ty Lee. That’s like a happy Mai. “He De Xikou” and before I could inquire as to how Suki knew that, she pulled a map out of somewhere and pointed at it, smiling. “Do I look like I can read?” I countered, since I didn’t want to go read a map. “But Your Majesty has eyes, right?” Ty Lee asked, only for Suki to let out a few hearty chuckles and me to point at my eyepatch and wave her hand in front of it. “Forgive my newest Warrior, she means well.”  _ She means well? She means well? Means well? What?  _ Having had not nearly enough to warrant leaving, but enough because I’m the Emperor and I said it’s enough,  __ “I’m off to find the Captain of this train.” As I walked down the hall, Suki shouted “You  _ are  _ the ‘Captain’ of this train!” and broke into laughter.  _ Right. Right. Of course.  _

I walked over to the dining room or lounge area or whatever the name for such common places are.  _ Common area. That’s the name _ . Two pairs of Kyoshi Warriors were present. One pair was playing Pai Sho. The other was looking out the window, pointing and talking about grass or mountains or something natural like that. My not-so-loud stomps weren’t what made them notice me. Instead, a wolf-dog ran between one of the player’s chair legs, up to me, and stuck his tongue out while woofing ‘hello, friend!’. I knelt to give him some pets while the Warriors were all “Well look who’s awake!” in the nicest pronoun-iest way possible. No, they didn’t attack-hug me. They maintained their distance. Not Nan though. Nan licked my armor and whined ‘why isn’t this your hand?’ so I fed him my hand. Metaphorically fed. Then I asked for something to eat, “May I get whatever food everyone else is having?” As Suki and Ty Lee were assigned to following me, they followed me out there and joined the other Warriors.

While some Warriors sat and played Pai Sho, Ty Lee spectating and Suki advising, and others enjoyed the scenery of wherever-we-were, I received a plate of roast-turtle-duck and a bowl of something green that I’m supposed to eat. As always, I ensured Nan got his jerky first -which he was very happy to eat, and rewarded me with jerky-flavored licks- and took to eating dinner second. _Not dinner, it’s the daytime._ _If Her Imperial Majesty says it’s dinner, it’s dinner_. While slicing a piece of thigh-meat off, I was ‘Good morning’ed’, _yes, that’s a word_ , by the Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard. “Captain, how may I help?” I was quite happy to help. A few _miao_ of greetings and small talk later, we sat down -well I was already sitting- to talk about the North.

Wuhan put down a map covering the land between the Da Xijiang River and the Bianjing River, between the West Lake and the North Sea. From the long Cholsan coast down to the lands of He De Xikou. From Ansai to Weinan. This was the titular North. Xiong Lin and Xisenlin were part of the Northwest. I knew enough to know that a Northerner knows his homeland better than anyone else. I knew that the Northerners hated the Southerners. I knew that they were...well to put it nicely, ‘uncivilized’, compared to the Southerners. Nonetheless, I still had some questions. “So we can’t approach the Northerners directly, but can we approach them as envoys?” He laughed. “Of course not, they’ll kill Your Majesty, imprison her, and at best banish me.”  _ That’s not good. That’s not good. _ “Then how do we come to them?” I wondered, loudly. He looked me in my one good eye. “As friends of mine. Your Majesty and the Captain are both good fighters.” He corrected himself. “Not just good fighters, Your Majesty is a hunter, right” I nodded. I am a hunter. Have been most of my life. “The Xishan, all of us, respect hunters. The Great Hunter guides us.” 

We were interrupted by Ty Lee flipping over to us and leaning in close enough to kiss me, “Whatcha talkin’ about, Your Auburnliness?”  _ Do you have to throw your head into all this? Also, Auburnliness? Really?  _ I sighed and thought about tossing her into a wall, but realized she could just climb out of it if she chose to. “The North.” She blinked and leaned back from her creepily-close position. “But we’re  _ in  _ the North, Your Auburnliness.”  _ I don’t like that name _ . Wuhan covered his face because, for once in a long while, he  _ laughed _ . “You’re in the center, not the north” he remarked through laughter. She widened her eyes, which is  _ also  _ scary because they are already circle, and “Oh? Then what  _ is  _ the North?” Wuhan...lost his composure...entirely. And broke into laughter.

“Your Majesty...absolutely no disrespect meant to the Badgermole Throne or Your Majesty’s holy line, but...come on!” And the way he said that made me chuckle as well. As Suki said, “The best fighters need not be the smartest”  _ thanks Sukes _ . “Hey!” the woman who was not the smartest but definitely a good fighter exclaimed. “Ty Lee, you want to learn about the North? Sit down and prepare for some exposition! There’s a lot of it and it hurts but-” Ty Lee, clearly attending the Caldera Academy of Convenience Interruption, cut me off. “That’s what that cutie, the Prince, said to you last-” but  _ she  _ was cut off by the Kyoshi Island School of Palm-Grab-Tosses, to which Suki is a Grand Master at. “Ty Lee, no speaking of-” but then  _ she  _ realized that she was only giving Toph more funny lines to use against her political and military opponents,  _ and Consort _ , and anyone, and cupped her own mouth. The other Kyoshi Warriors started cackling. Not that they wouldn’t have if she said something, but the situation was funny. To them.  _ Like you, Aoma _ .

So I looked at them while my cousin pretended _she did not just say that_ while launching daggers -eye daggers- at Ty Lee, who in turn seemed blissfully unaware of what she just said. Wuhan was rubbing his forehead, murmuring “and this is why our sisters fight alongside their brothers” followed by some small prayer to the Great Hunter in regards to family. I don’t think he could believe the nonsense, even though he’s lived it before. _Ty Lee always has something insightful to bring to the table. Not._ Feeling some kind of call-to-muster against...incompetence, I blurted out “Do...is all the lot of you do all day is talk about boys?” and they broke into even more cackling laughter. I know they don’t, but...it was _annoying_. “Only the Prince!” one of them said, mocking Suki’s voice. _I’m so so...just… I want a drink_. I gave this unnamed my one-eyed stare. This unnamed warrior, _I think you’re Kikyo_ , raised her hands and was all ‘not me!’. Her companion and fellow window-watcher said “Captain’s words, not mine.” and it took me longer than I’d like to admit to realize what she was referring to. Then I slapped my face with my hand. Which gave everyone other than Wuhan more arrows of humor to collect. _Or something like that_. They got a quiver of arrows with which to use for the purposes of laughter. _Explaining it makes it less funny. But this is a personal record, it’s not funny to begin with_. Suki, once done glaring at Ty Lee, commented that “We train, train, train, and only _sometimes_ talk about boys.” _You’re not helping your case, Sukes_. “Ty Lee, just sit down and listen!” her Captain instructed in that _possibly-angry_ commanding tone of hers. Ty Lee, fearing for her life, probably, or more likely because she really wanted to sit next to me and stare at my eyepatch, _hey, I’m not going to judge unless you’re going to bother me, then I’ll judge, and I’ll execute_ , decided to sit down next to me. I don’t know why this crazy acrobat has a thing for my eyepatch, _or my hair, that’s quite possible_...wait _maybe this is punishment for not venerating my ancestors enough. I’m sorry, Kyoshi! Forgive me for my lack of piety! I’m sorry!_

Back to the fun of learning about other people’s cultures, “You want to learn about the North?” Wuhan howled. His howling made Nan look up at him, whimpering ‘is this a man or a wolf-dog?’ and conclude wrongly that he was the latter,  _ I guess _ , and that’s why he decided to howl  _ with  _ Wuhan. Ty Lee clapped, “such an adorable boy” which,  _ for once,  _ I agree with her. He looked around the room. “You  _ all  _ want to learn about the North, right? Because that’s where we’re going” and the Warriors gave us confused expressions. “Take a chair, sit back, and into the far north I shall take you” and those words made me imagine a hearth back home, where my family and I might be gathered around the fireplace to hear a story from Oyaji or my grandmother, or great-grandmother. I could  _ feel  _ the warmth of the flames while sitting here...with turtle-duck grease on my hands.

Wuhan took a few deep breaths, and tried to explain it to Suki and the Warriors. I don’t think he cared if Ty Lee understood or not and I knew much of this already. That said, there’s always something new to learn. “North of the West Lake and south of the Frozen Coast lie the lands of, as many Southerners call us, ‘barbarians’. My family and those like us. We did and do not kowtow towards the Badgermole Throne. Previous years have seen Royal forces set up outposts along the coast but they could not penetrate our forests or mountains. Instead of farming, we hunt, fish and tend to caribou-deer. To the lot of you, no disrespect meant, we’d call you ‘Southerners’ or ‘Those Who Lie Where the Sun Rests.’ The latter is ‘cause of the long winters we deal with. The Sun may not rise for many moons.” The Kyoshi Warriors ‘ooh’-ed and ‘ahh’-ed and these introductory expository comments. They then asked for  _ more _ . Aoma, ever loyal to my ancestor’s ethics, asked three questions. “What’s the culture like? Do you have something like the Kyoshi Warriors? How are women treated?” Wuhan looked at her, his eyes were serious, and he gave a simple nod. Then he gave her her answers.

“We are not unified like the Empire aspires to be. We do not claim to rule the entire continent, by the Great Hunter, we can’t even rule over ‘commanderies’ as the Empire calls them. Instead, we are divided up into tribal lands. From my memory, there’s twenty-five tribes that live in the forests and foothills of Beishan and Xishan. Long ago, an owl-cat could climb a tree in Sitou along the West Lake and crawl north through the trees and through all those lands until he reached the Frozen Coast. Folktales said that there used to be hundreds of tribes. We don’t follow a King or a Lord, we follow our local Chief. And not always because his father was chief, but because he proved himself. Fathers fight sons, brothers fight brothers, and the Shamans tell us if we have His blessing to rule our kin. Most of the time, the Tribes kill one another over territorial boundaries or someone’s daughter going missing. But when those Bastard Sons of the North Star come down to hunt us in their blue sailed cutters, we put aside our differences and come together under the strongest of the strong, guided by the wisest of the wise shamans and led by the fiercest of the fierce. To answer your second and third question, unlike the rest of the Kingdom, we didn’t care if you were a man or a woman. If you can kill one of those ‘true’ Northerners, those ice-hearted men and their cutters, you can lead us. We’ve got Chieftesses and Shamanesses and my sisters are excellent with the spear. Our ancestors might respect the Avatars if the Water ones stopped killing our leaders. The Avatar before Kyoshi killed Chieftess Gundes and the Avatar after her called all our land part of the ‘Earth Kingdom’. Need we mention the absence of the current Avatar? We respect ourselves and our fists. That’s a big part of the culture. You’re respected for what you can catch and hunt.” The Kyoshi Warriors were taken aback in amazement. Like they just heard intriguing mythical folktales. Except these stories are all true. I trust the Captain’s word, he grew up in it. The questions continued. This time, from the other Warrior sitting next to Aoma. “What’s your army like? If your people are so powerful, why haven’t you expanded?” Wuhan exhaled sharply at the last comment, to which I tried to calm him down with “she meant it out of respect.” Because he’s well-mannered, because he knew I wanted to know, and because killing one of my bodyguards would not be a good idea, he continued. 

“The Tribes do not have ‘armies’. We do not have commandery levies and standing garrisons. We will never field a million-strong force and I don’t see a hundred-thousand men pouring out of the glades. We are too far north to have such big gatherings of people. I can’t speak for the tribes of Xiong Lin, for there’s many more valleys for them to reside in out there. Instead of towns and commanderies, we have villages and tribal land. We are not like the people of the steppe-country who migrate. Our structures are built to last but there’s not that many of them. Each tribal land has a few villages to its name. The forests are not devoid of people. Many set up hunting cabins next to their perches, next to their favorite lake or along their game trail of choice. Along our borders, we build posts for the runners and the watchers. When the Chief calls his people to war, runners are sent to all these places. They know the paths so well that even during the long night of winter, they can find my kinsmen who live in the eastern passes and summon them. If you mean to ask what our troops are like, we lack the Southerner’s numbers and the Ashmaker’s technology, but we make up for it in fighting like a pack of rabid moose-lion.”

“There aren’t that many earthbenders in our tribes, and the ones that can bend prepare. They train for war and help building, but they aren’t...that good. There are no master earthbenders in Xishan. The rest of the Zheng, and I’m sure the other tribes too, train with the tools we use to hunt. Each of us must master the bow and arrow and the spear before we’re allowed to join a hunting party or, as the Southerners call ‘em, warbands. Ech village has more than fifteen able bodied men who can fight. These bands of tight-knit hunters are what is sent east and west to raid other tribes. These parties are what counter the Water Tribe’s invasions first. Like a pack of wolf-dogs, each man of the party knows where the others are while they prowl. The Water Tribes oftentimes think there’s hundreds of us in the trees because a few men with well placed arrows and graceful quick steps can harass from many directions at once. And when our arrows run dry, we have hunting spears. Our shafts are thicker, made of better wood than the Southerner’s -no disrespect, Your Majesty- and their bamboo. And our tips are designed for much bigger targets. If it can gore an adult caribou-deer or a charging moose-lion, it can gore a man. And I’ve faced Southerners before. All those years of working in towns...ha! Arming such weak men with spears doesn’t make them soldiers. The Tribes? We’re  _ born  _ hardier. The winter molds us like a blade, we are hardened by the ice as a blade is hardened by fire. The only thing that can break us is us. Ask the many army outposts now abandoned and in ruins in the middle of the tribal lands because the garrisons of hundreds were driven out by small teams of twenty or thirty tribesmen. And Southern women? They’d freeze solid in half-a-day up north. Our women...our women and Your Majesty’s Kyoshi Warriors would get along very well. We lack your elaborate dresses or gold fans, but my sisters have the same passion for fighting.” 

Ty Lee was giggling about...something, and, upon being eyed out for it, pretended not to giggle but failed miserably at it. The Warriors were like a bunch of fangirls,  _ also metaphorically _ , fawning over the Captain like he was reciting a popular story. “Your brothers sound so noble and heroic!” one of the Warriors remarked. This earned Wuhan’s short-lived glare. “Heroic. Hmph.” Suki noticed this, it was hard not to, and asked “What? Would you not say that about your people?” and he gave a single laugh. Then he gave her her answer. I suppose in Suki’s mind, as with mine, one’s homeland is venerated above all.

“Heroic? The Tribes are not heroic. We are not heroes. We do not fight tyrants and save the peasants. We fight for our homes and our families and that’s it. Up in the north, we do not care how many titles someone has or how many songs are written about him. We live for but a few things. We worship the Great Hunter.” and the Captain held his hands high, as if to point towards the sky. “He does not punish someone for sacking a city. He does not punish someone for not praying to Him. He asks that you thank Him for your kill, whether animal or man. For we all walk in His preserves. The greatest hunters and those who fight for their families and die in the process, they can ascend to join Him on His Great Hunts. The folktales say that He travels the night sky, each star is part of His hunting lands. He travels as a hunter would, silently and invisible. When He strikes, releasing an arrow into His prey, that is what the Southerners would call a starfall. On rare occasions, our ancestors join Him on His Great Hunts. A hundred arrows may be released. These arrows fall towards our lands.”

He kept his serious storyteller voice up. “During many of these same nights, the evil minor spirits come out to dance. To mock us. The Southerners call them the Northern Lights. They are seen as a portend of an oncoming Water Tribe invasion. Where are these Northern Lights when the Sun returns from its slumber? They retreat, like cowards, back north. I would not say that our Tribes are heroic peoples. We do what we must to survive the frigid winter. We war with one another more often than against Southerners or Water Tribesmen. Only a fool marches up north imagining it to be a paradise. It is not. That is why we try to push south. We love our homes but we cannot survive the Water Tribes forever. They have more men. And they can kill us in the night. They swarm our coast with their cutters. Many lines of warriors from Majia, from Pangou, from Xainza, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, struck through the head with icicles and ice whips...and even without them...what man who has seen the South wishes to go home again?” He gestured to the ground. “Down here, you have kind seasons and fair weather. And lots of gold. Your weapons are made of steel, not of stone or bronze. Your armor is made of iron, not of bones or leather. Your tunics are light and pliable, our furs are heavy and hard. We may grow up with winters coming and going, but the Water Tribe raids…” and some tears pooled and ran down his cheeks. The Warriors realized to give him some space. I knew him better than that.

“Get him a whiskey,  _ now _ !” I shouted. One of the Warriors heard this cry and bolted for the counter where drinks are usually mixed -seriously, these noble’s carriages are  _ nice _ \- and grabbed a bottle, returned, and offered the whole thing. He looked at her, smiled, and toasted, solemnly, “To the Empress! Long may she live!” while hitting the air with his corked bottle. We shouted “To Her Imperial Majesty!” He pulled an arm bracelet off his arm armor and turned it into a small bent bar with a demonstration of metalbending. He stuck the bar through the cork, pulled back on it, and popped the cork. “To the Empire! Long united!” he yell-shouted, teary-eyed. “Ten Thousand Years!” the rest of us chanted. And he drank the bottle down. After drinking  _ most  _ of it, his voice now much more relaxed, he got up, walked to the wall of the monorail, opened it slightly with a hand motion, and  _ tossed  _ the bottle out the side. It vanished as he closed the wall back up. He then turned around, looked to the bunch of us and our confused faces, and bowed.  _ Smiling _ , he proclaimed “That was rice wine. Rice wine isn't an alcohol. Babies drink harder stuff.”  _ Right right, of course. You don’t drink wine _ .  _ Of course you don’t drink wine. You wanted whiskey. I wanted whiskey. Someone’s getting punished for this.  _ “Who failed to get him a whiskey bottle?” but none of the Kyoshi Warriors wanted to take responsibility. “It’s okay, Your Majesty. It was a terrible drink, but it’s what I needed.” and he bowed to us again.

Ty Lee stopped embracing Nan with pets and squeezing hugs,  _ so that’s what you were doing this whole time _ , and came back over to our table. “Your Auburnliness’s wolf-dog is the bestest boy ever!” her already happy voice found a new height to hit in terms of happiness. And it really  _ peaked  _ me. And not in the fun way. In an annoyed way. Not that loving Nan was bad. No, no no, Nan is the best. But  _ can you please not squeeze him?  _ “The rest of you are dismissed, by the way.” The Warriors looked at me, mostly numb over the long folktale-like retelling of encyclopedic events that even I didn’t know, then looked at one another. “Go. Do things” I ordered. The other Warriors took to going back to Pai Sho, Suki grabbed Ty Lee by her braid and dragged her over to watch them, Wuhan went to pray somewhere, and I went back to looking at this map of the North while enjoying lunch.

Many  _ dian  _ of examining a map, and having lunch, later, the monorail started grinding down. I didn’t notice this until it came to a full halt and I no longer heard that dull sound of a carriage grinding against smooth stone. When I noticed this, I got up and by instinct drew my blade. “Why’s the carriage halting?” I asked, or rather it sounded more like shouted. A soldier dressed as a member of the Imperial Army came  _ running  _ down the hall before falling into a kowtow. “Report! Colonel Tang wishes an audience, Your Majesty.”  _ Colonel Tang?  _ I looked at Suki and the rest of the girls. They all snapped up and in stance, ready to draw blades or fans. “Let him get his audience...at my door.” “Right away, Your Majesty” the man kowtowed again, turned, and ran off down the hall. I walked over to the doorway with Suki standing in front of me. I caught a glimpse out the window of a group of people walking. Men. So did Suki, since she shoved me backwards and gave the order “Girls.” The Warriors bounced forward and took to either side of the doorway with Suki in the middle of it. I  _ knew  _ if someone so much as insulted me, these young women and all their gossiping would draw their blades and hack that ‘one’ into ‘two.’ The door opened from the outside, the Imperial Army soldier acting as a doorman, and I was greeted with… a bunch of men kowtowing.  _ Not an ambush. Oh. Very good.  _

This man with a long beard and a scar running down his left cheek addressed me. “Your Majesty! Thank Her Imperial Majesty that the monorail halted!” I took a step forward, the Kyoshi Warriors parted in a mix of sync and deliberately-showing-off-our-synchronized-movements. With all honesty, I explained “I...I didn’t halt the monorail. Why was it halted?” He got out of his kowtow and pointed off behind me. “We have danger up ahead, Your Majesty.”  _ Danger? That’s very vague _ . “What danger?” I asked while squinting my good eye and looking him in his right one. The tension in his voice brewed to an explosion. “Lieutenant General Ling Li’s Sentinels are under attack! The Xiongnu Wall is threatened!”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Who’s Ling Li? Sentinels? What?” and I spun around and looked at Wuhan, “Did you know of any of this?” and he shook his head. “Please, Your Majesty! If the barbarians make it south of the Wall-” Wuhan stepped forward and  _ grabbed  _ this man with his gauntlets and without any bending, picked him up. “They aren’t  _ barbarians _ , they’re Tribes. What’s going on here?” and this Tang man’s guards stepped back, terrified of this moose-lion of a man who just picked up an already large man and his fur cape. And also probably scared of this growling wolf-dog who looked about ready to eat someone. I stepped forward, ordered -with a calm formal tone- “Wuhan,  _ let him go _ .” and Wuhan dropped him. This Tang man recoiled in fear while I gave Nan some ‘it’s okay’ head scratches and a piece of jerky as a reward. “The...Tribes...the Xiongnu Wall…” but his stuttered voice was cut off by my annoyed questioning of “What wall? What Tribes? What?” He looked at me like I didn’t know what he was talking about,  _ I didn’t _ , but before I could ask further,  _ boom _ , from somewhere behind me. 

I ran outside, the Kyoshi Warriors surrounding me facing all sides, and turned around once outside. In an unknown distance from us -I can’t tell distance, one eye and all that- a green flare was ascending into the sky like a Fire Jet. I looked back down and around at the guards, and Tang. This Tang had a bunch of banners with him, but they weren’t the usual Earth Empire banners. They featured a brown-and-gold instead of green-and-gold earth coin with a brown background instead of a green one. While I was distracted with heraldry, Tang yelled “That’s Ling’s position! They’ve breached the wall!” I looked at Suki and she said “He’s telling the truth.”  _ I can’t exactly debate that. I have no idea what’s going on _ . So I turned to him and asked “How many men do you have? How did you know it was us?” and he looked at Wuhan, Wuhan’s nonchalant expression, and at myself, turned around, and pointed at the military encampment tucked near a grove of trees. “Two thousand, mounted, Your Majesty. It’s all I could gather in time. As for Your Majesty, the Imperial Carriage is...iconic...and...heralds came bearing news that Your Majesty would be… passing through. Through. Yes. Your Majesty would be passing through.” His stuttering was genuine. In folktales, people only stutter when they’re lying or doing something suspicious. By that logic, he was a liar. Nope. His shaking was real. Say what I will about this man, his repetitive use of kowtows and humble way of saying ‘Your Majesty’ felt quite...legitimate. I looked towards the flare. “And how many tribespeople are invading?” “Four thousand, thanks to the scouts.” “Where did they-” I needed to clarify, “-the invaders come from?” “Many of them are  _ daofei  _ that retreated north, Your Majesty.” I didn’t have the time to think, or care. “We’ll talk on the ride over” I said it like an order. Ostrich horses were pulled out from the encampment and given to myself and each of the Warriors and Wuhan. We tightened on our armor, made sure our weapons were in place, ensured the carriage would wait on a side-track so as not to interrupt the flow of traffic, and rode out.

As we rode the long ride over to what appeared to be a wall a third of the size of Ba Sing Se’s Outer Wall but no less imposing with the tall peaks to its west and our left and what I can only assume is more wall further to the right, I asked more questions. And by asked I mean I had to yell the questions to drown out the hoofbeats. “Who’s General Ling!? What are the Sentinels!?” “Lieutenant General Ling, General Who Pacifies the North, Protector of the Beishan Valley! Never heard of him, Your Majesty?”  _ Why would I? We have a hundred Lieutenant Generals.  _ “Not really, Colonel! Why is he here? And what  _ are  _ the Sentinels?” but Wuhan tossed in a question -he was riding right behind me to my left- of his own. “Why is there a wall here? Last time I was here it was empty foothills!” “Then you...Captain...must not have visited in the past year! General Zhi ordered the construction of a long border wall to pen in the….Tribes! It’s quite effective when it’s not under siege!”  _ I imagine that statement, ‘effective when not put under pressure’, could be made about many things _ . “As for Your Majesty’s question, the Sentinels are those who watch the...Tribes...for us!”  _ I don’t think you understood my question. I don’t know why they’re called what they’re called.  _ “What is the ‘army’ of the Sentinels? Why is your banner brown?” 

I don’t know what Tang thought I was asking but his response remained quite vague. “The Sentinels aren’t an army. They’re a better alternative to prison!” Okay, at least the second response was something I kind of understood. _ Conscripted men. This or imprisonment. People would choose this. Got it _ . “And the brown coin and brown banner represent how we’re defending all peasants, Colonial and Imperial, from the northern invaders.”  _ You’re...defending all peasants? From what? A couple thousand Northerners with hunting implements?  _ Suki jutted in -she was on my right- with “a better alternative to prison? How?”. Tang cheered. “Of course! You can either go to jail for being a thief or you can serve your time as part of the coldest battalion of the Imperial Army! And us Sentinels stretch from here to Wulong!”  _ Here to...Wulong? How large is this organization?  _ “Why have I never heard of these people?” I asked a question that I didn’t think anyone had an answer to. 

It should be clarified, here, and now. While I study the Archives, I’m not the supervisor of every single operation every General or officer goes on. My daily schedule is busy enough and I rely on Memorials to convey news. Nobody  _ ever  _ mentioned the Sentinels or the Xiongnu Wall in the months since I returned to Ba Sing Se. Most likely because it’s not my direct ‘problem’ or ‘issue’ or ‘dilemma’ or whatever poetic word they want to us. It’s something the Council of Five handles, and only if  _ they  _ have an issue would they ask me. It’s how bureaucracy works. With a nation of millions and armies everywhere doing a hundred different things at once, as large a project as this sounds, it’s quite small in the grand scheme of continent-wide military management. Back to the events. 

Tang gave his answer. “This was General Zhi’s doing! He wanted to create a border guard and Zhi always gets his way!” _A border guard?_ Another question. “Are these people loyal?” He laughed. “If they don’t want to get executed, they better be!” _Well you seem like a bit of a character._ “What’s that vague nonsense supposed to mean?” I shouted. Then I shouted some more. “Are they loyal or are they not loyal?” “They’re loyal, Your Majesty! They’re trained to be loyal! They’re forced to be loyal! All are equalized by the fighting!” _Right, then. So they’re conscripts. They’re just conscripts._ I moved on to something, er, some _one_ else. “And who are you? How did you get that scar?” “Long story! Went out on a foray into Yancun! I came back as a Colonel!” This man had a kind of bravado or arrogance that, if nothing else, marked him as someone slightly deranged. I could respect that. Shortly after, Tang came to a halt. My bodyguards, Nan, and I joined his halt. “Why are we halting?” “Up ahead.” and he pointed, get this, up ahead.

Ahead of us was this ten story high wall. Ten stories is nothing to laugh at. But he was pointing at the forest  _ below  _ the wall. A wide forest with nothing demarcating it as anything special. It was a mixed hardwood-softwood forest. Oak trees meeting spruce, maple meeting pine, birch meeting fir. The season of autumn turned what I imagined would be a mix of lush greens into a quilted canopy of greens, yellows, oranges, reds and browns. It was from behind this forest that another green flare was launched and took flight.  _ Whatever’s happening there...well...battle is happening _ . Tang turned his mount around and asked “Your Majesty, any battle plans?”  _ I’m still jarred. _ “Who are we supposed to kill?”, since afterall I don’t want to accidentally kill the wrong side. “The men wearing green and carrying our banners are on our side. The men wearing furs or not wearing clothes are not.”  _ That’s helpful _ . I turned around to face the... _ this isn’t that large _ ...force of riders. Two thousand men on ostrich horses, some armed with pennanted lances, some with regular lances, some armed with poleaxes, some armed with  _ dao _ . “What...are we attacking?” I asked, less noble or brave than the propaganda posters would make you believe. Why? I’ve never been here before. “There’s a small fort built into the side of the Xiongnu Wall. We’re the relief force for that, Your Majesty. The forest south of it might also be under attack!” then he turned to either side. “Scouts! Ride there and return! Tell us what’s there!” and a team of riders peeled off to go scout out the forest.

A few _fen_ passed and the riders returned. One of the scouts raised his hands in a bow. “Report! There’s fighting in the forest, Your Majesty, Colonel! The _daofei_ have taken our hunter’s tents!” _Okay then. Good. Fighting is good. Not for them. But for us_. Citing the knowledge I’ve gained, and also because this man kindly asked me to, I looked over these men and tried to...I guess, _Pocket plan, let’s go!_ _It’s like Pocket Seal without all the pomp. Wait. Wait. Thinking. Got it!_ I pointed at this Tang man and in my formal General’s voice, “I want two wings. You and me. We’re going to attack from two sides.” He gave a small head bow before punching the air. “You all heard His Imperial Majesty! Two wings!” and he rode into the mob of riders, physically splitting them into two groups. “Your Majesty, we’re not...rider specialists” one of the Kyoshi Warriors commented. I was preoccupied with watching the schisming of an army. She repeated it. “We’re not rider specialists.” I looked at the Warriors and commented “So? Stay back then!” and I heard Nan woof a ‘but I am!’ so I looked down at him and asked “Do you want to join me with a charge?” but Suki pointed out that “Not everyone knows he’s with us, Your Majesty” which... _she’s right. We don’t read each other’s minds_. “Nan! Stay with the rest of the Warriors! Suki, Wuhan, you’re with me!” The two nodded and said “Got it” “As Your Majesty commands!” from Suki and Wuhan, respectively. And a whine of ‘but I don’t want to miss the fun’ from Nan. _Oh, you won’t. But we need to fix this first_. Nan, being a good boy, stayed with the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors.

The force of two thousand riders was split into two one thousand man wings. “West and east, Your Majesty?” he asked, drawing his  _ dao,  _ his nice, clean, good steel,  _ dao _ . I yell-taunted “It’s like Osaka all over again, except maybe our maneuvers will work!” but that was a reference that only Suki could laugh at. And she did. “With me!” Tang shouted, using his  _ dao  _ and a couple bannermen to direct his wing. A similar number of bannermen took to getting behind my mount while Nan and my non-involved bodyguards, and some green-tunic wearing men for identification purposes, got out of the way of this impending gallop. As Tang led his men out towards the west, I stirred my mount to the right to the east. Unlike him, I’m wearing a bright blue piece of armor with a gorgeous blue plume on it. There’s a  _ reason  _ we dress so lavishly. It’s part of communication. Speaking of communication, as we rode out, the men remained strangely silent. I’m used to people chanting, singing, in the case of Wuhan right now,  _ praying _ , but silence? What is this? The Dai Li Dance Party? I was  _ going  _ to shout “Sing something!” but the not-so-distant sounds of close-quarters combat coming from that forest were reason enough as to  _ why _ .  _ We want to surprise them. Right. That was the plan _ . See,  _ ha _ ,  _ one eye,  _ normally, the Empire cares not for surprise attacks. We march into battle with a song on our lips and women in our hearts. Or that’s what the poets say. Not that I’d know, none of them were involved in this stupid charge. 

As with other charges before it and likely every one after until my last, I took my whiskey flask from my hip, opened it and poured it into my mouth while on the mount.  _ Glug, glug, glug _ , one lip lick later,  _ now I’m ready _ . “I’m ready, now!”. That whiskey, sadly, tasted like breaded knives and not ice katanas and therefore was of worse quality. Just like the strange assortment of many-sized,  _ tall and short, rotund and bamboo-like _ , many-complexioned,  _ as pale as the Earth Islanders, as toned as the men of the steppe lands _ , many-weaponed,  _ lances, long axes, dadao, regular dao,  _ people behind me, I guess it’ll do. As we reached the side of this forest, I heard a loud horn blare from either inside the woods or… nope, the hornman shouted “Your Majesty, that’s Tang!”,  _ Thanks, hornman _ . “Blow the horn!” I yelled to him. And he did. I drew my blade, Suki hers, Wuhan - well Wuhan looked like he was going to headbutt the Xiongnu Wall and his face might as well have been on fire because  _ that man _ was furious - drew his. I turned my mount left with my off-hand while my  _ jian  _ hand pointed at the mixed forest. What do us Imperials cry before a suicide charge? 

“For the Empress! Ten Thousand Years!” And what did everyone else yell? “Ten Thousand Years!”

The Sun vanished as we rode into this dense undergrowth. It took a  _ miao  _ to adjust to the new light conditions. However long that  _ miao  _ was, I heard a northern-accented man from somewhere yell “Reinforcements! From the Jade City!” and before I knew it my ostrich horse fell out from under me. Something cut it down like an axe to a tree. Good on me I fell forward, dropping my blade, and just managed to land on my hands and not my face. I rolled around,  _ hello canopy _ , hopped up, and  _ just  _ dodged some lancer and his couched lance. The man who just cut down my ostrich horse was not wearing clothes. Of any kind. He  _ was  _ wearing a fur cape. He also held an axe. “You!” he taunt-shouted.  _ Yes?  _ He tried to chop my throat, I backed up and let him swing before running forward, grabbing his axe with one hand while punching him in his wolf-tailed head with the other. Him down, I could find my ostrich horse -he was right there- and his lack of legs.  _ Okay so this man sliced his legs off.  _ The ancestral Beifong blade,  _ wait, another crazy lancer, good on you for not getting tagged _ , was now back in my possession. I could set off towards somewhere. Mounted men were all around me, their lances pinning and breaking against  _ more  _ of these naked...people. 

I ran forward and towards a...mob...of naked men wearing fur capes standing in a circle around a man wearing a moose-lion’s head for his helmet. The lancers had decided to run  _ around  _ this mob since the first few took javelins to the face. And chest. In the rest of the woods, from what I could tell, naked men were being cut down left and right. A lance through the chest. A lance to the head. A  _ dao  _ swing severing head from not head. Suki and her show-off katana skills, jumping off an ostrich horse because I fell off mine and  _ working her way  _ over to me. I noticed the four men who had hidden behind some trees and decided to pounce on her but couldn’t cross the path due to all the passing riders. But she did. Three spears and an axe. One hand, the buckler, blocked the axe strike. The other hand, katana, sliced through three torsos at once. Not all the way through like bamboo, but gashed them open and leaked their stomachs out. I think she took that last man’s axe and smashed his face with the shaft of it. I had something  _ crazier  _ to deal with. I ran over some rocks until the, I guess he was the commander, of this circle mob, noticed me. He pointed at me with his two-handed axe. Then he yelled something I couldn’t hear.

One man from the mob, a man with a  _ dao  _ in one hand and a spear in the other, beat his chest, his fur wearing chest, howling, and charged me. I let him run the twenty or so paces, then in the last five counterattacked. He tried to thrust the spear, I  _ cut the shaft  _ in two with my blade. He swung his  _ dao  _ from below, I blocked it and we both backed up, pointing blades and glares at each other. He swung from the right, I blocked. I counter-stabbed, he jumped forward and swung at me from the other side. The blade went into my armor,  _ ha ha, I have armor, what’re you going to do _ . I  _ grabbed  _ the non-blade side of the  _ dao _ and before he knew how to counter it,  _ slice _ , right-to-left, his throat. He fell over and the commander, back there, had this look of wide-eyed bewilderment. He’d continue being bewildered as I walked towards him. Suki hopped between the roving riders and got to my side. We neared the tent and one of his mob, some clothless man,  _ ran  _ at us. This man had the back of his head gashed open by a passing  _ dao  _ strike from one of the riders. The commander took his axe and tossed it at the ground. The naked men surrounding him were all ‘huh?’ but it’s okay, their uncertainty was soon reassured. The force of mounted men quickly surrounded them, lances pointed inwards, while the scarred, bearded, Tang rode around and joined us. He got off his ostrich horse and got to my  _ other  _ side and the three of us approached this armorless and armless -but not  _ arm _ less, yet- mob of naked men and their fur-lined commander. “Do you surrender?” Tang asked, pointing his  _ dao  _ at this commander. He looked at the three of us, probably thinking about how different from one another we appeared, but before he could say  _ anything _ , Captain Wuhan’s voice emerged from the mob. “Kuntuvidi? What in the Great Hunter are  _ you  _ doing here?” and  _ through  _ some ostrich horse riders emerged the gilded suit of Wuhan. He  _ shoved  _ one of the naked men out of the way and stepped right  _ up  _ to this fur-lined commander. 

“You.” this commander’s voice...changed. “Your father didn’t join us. Why are the Zheng refusing their blood-cousins?” but that was the last of  _ him _ since Wuhan  _ picked him up  _ and  _ tore his right arm off  _ with the power of strong hands. “And  _ you  _ refused to answer  _ our  _ call back when the Bastard Sons of the North Star came south. Learn your loyalties, you filthy Kazarig.” The commander-man cried out as Wuhan took his golden boot and combined it with this...person’s...head. He looked around at the now kneeling naked men. “Who are all of you? You’re not from here.” Tang conveniently -for him- took a ten pace back up. “We’re...not, Your Highness.” Wuhan took his helmet off and  _ tossed it  _ at one of these naked people. “Your Highness! You all hear that? I’m a  _ Highness  _ now!” he laughed a roar. Everyone else looked like they just saw some evil spirit assassinate a man. Wuhan, now rabid, picked one of these naked men up by the throat, “Who hired you? Menggei and his  _ daofei  _ from the Northern Air Temple’s lands? Gzi of Hejiagou? Any who side with the  _ Kazarig  _ are no friends of us.” and the squirming naked man barely managed to mutter “We’re mercenaries!” before his neck was...well...broken. The next man on the snapping block yelled “We’re mercenaries! We’re the Dagze Company! We’ve got nothing to do with you and your barbarians!” but this man was not given the privilege of a quick death. Wuhan, instead, knelt close to look this man in his face. “Then what are you doing here?” “We’re...we...we were hired by Alignak from the Olikpok Isles. You barbarian!” and  _ this… _ this is  _ not  _ what you say to a ‘barbarian’. Why? Among other things, as Wuhan  _ yelled _ , spitting into his face, “You...you were hired by a man from the  _ Water Tribe _ ?” “He instructed us to...help the Kazarig Tribe…” and  _ this  _ man was tossed aside. Wuhan then looked over at the backing-up-Tang and “I found your ‘barbarian’ invasion. It’s some mercenaries backing one of the Xishan Tribes. The Kazarigs. That’d explain four thousand strong forces. Also, where  _ are  _ these ‘four thousand?’” and Tang shrugged. The remaining men of the Dagze Company were arrested and given some clothes to wear. We still had another keep to capture, though. 

This time, thankfully, we didn’t need a bunch of ostrich horses. We could make it on foot. And  _ this  _ time, we had the assistance of the Kyoshi Warriors since “it won’t be hard to distinguish friend from foe”, in the words of Tang. With the Kyoshi Warriors, Nan and Tang -Wuhan was busy praying and  _ nobody  _ was going to ask that man to do anything- at the head, we ran for the fortification. The double-doored entrance was gone. We happened upon the fortification as “a lot of people”,  _ I know, how specific _ , that’s the phrase Tang shouted, were trying to bash down the doors of some upstairs room. The ground had lots of green-tunic wearing and near-naked bodies lying about. The naked bodies had the characters for ‘Impervious’ and ‘Strength’ tattooed on their foreheads and chests. 

Quick aside, I realized that these men were like the Kang Shen. They avoided wearing clothing because they believed the magic would protect them. That, or they were one of the many ‘cult of naked’ cults out there. People who worship fighting naked. Those people tend to die, but they’re formidable and effective against militia. Why? A bunch of naked men charging you is quite intimidating, especially if all you’re wearing is a tunic and all you’re carrying is a spear. And these men had big  _ armor-piercing  _ axes.

Back to the fighting, there was a pile of brown and green bodies around the staircase showing that there was likely some kind of spearwall. Ty Lee yelled out “Hey everyone!” as a taunt and it attracted most of these naked people to our direction.  _ Thanks Ty Lee _ .  _ You genius _ . Much of this mob, too many to count off-hand, decided to charge the platoon and some that comprised the Kyoshi Warriors, Wuhan and I. And also Nan. “Go get ‘em, Nan!” I yelled and my good boy sprinted forward, jumped up, and ripped the throat out of some poor, poor, mercenary. Ty Lee  _ also  _ ran forward despite nobody commanding her to. She jumped up, kicked one man in the head, used another man’s head as a jumping point, then dive-attacked a third, poking him in either shoulder. Suki had already yelled “Lion-turtle formation!” but upon seeing Ty Lee get surrounded by about five, likely seven, possibly ten, men, Suki drew her katana and ordered “Break ranks! Protect our sister!”.

I know, I know, ‘you make fun of Ty Lee all the time’. That’s correct. I do. But. But. When I saw her in the makeup of the Kyoshi Warriors, I didn’t see her as Ty Lee. I saw her as one of my adoptive sisters. And, for my adopted sisters, just as for my real sisters, my homeland’s ethics call to me. I pointed my blade at the mob and shouted “Charge!”

Ty Lee was completely fine being surrounded by a bunch of naked men, though, for she had one thing they did not. Fingers. Correction, chi blocking. _Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke._ One after another with no breaks, and she swiveled on her heel like she was a toy top. They didn’t know what hit them. The last man standing in the circle got his spear stepped on, she cartwheeled over him using his head as part of the rotation, and she jabbed him _twice_ in the neck. The remaining men decided the best approach was to stand next to this one door they were trying to break down but instead of breaking it down, or surrendering, they’d _pose_ with their spears and taunt us to death with insults. _It’s not effective. Get some pants._ Suki and the Warriors -Ty Lee was busy running on walls, picking off stragglers and Nan was _really_ digging into some other poor, poor, mercenary’s chest- _now_ could initiate “Lion-turtle formation!” which is the best formation and anyone that disagrees is going to meet a _jian_ to the face. 

A bunch of young women bring their bucklers together while their other hands draw fans, or in Suki’s case, redrew her katana. And as we had to climb up a staircase, we could  _ really  _ pack in with two in front, Suki and Aoma of course, me behind them, and the rest of the Warriors behind me. Tang had to watch in  _ awe  _ as a young woman with a fan elbowed a man off a railing while another sliced a man open with a katana. The naked men tried to press up against us but we won in the push-of-war since we’ve been shoving each other since we were kids. As one  _ mass  _ of Kyoshi Islander power, we pressed back against their puny mercenary mob and pressed them off the side of the balcony. Or into a corner. Other reinforcing Sentinel men helped out with the rest, stabbing any poor, poor, mercenary that fell down and  _ really badly wanted to kill us all _ . Not to mention, Nan chomping away at various enemies. And Ty Lee. Ty Lee defied reality by running along walls before kneeing people in the head. Yup.

We also saved this one man and his fellow men who were barricaded inside a room.

Once he saw who I was, and saw the being-routed mercenaries, he kowtowed. 

“Lieutenant General Ling Li, at Your Majesty’s service. Welcome to Lan Shan.” 

_ I see. This is a cultural thing.  _ “A warm welcome, indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet the Sentinels!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Cavalry-Loving Folks:  
> -General note going forward: I'd normally give encyclopedic notes for all the Xishan topics covered, but you'll just have to read upcoming chapters to learn more about them.  
> -The Da Xijiang is the river that runs northwest from West Lake and up to the North Sea.  
> -The Bianjing runs north from West Lake near Ba Sing Se and ends somewhere southeast/east of the Northern Air Temple  
> -This story, "Long ago, an owl-cat could climb a tree in Sitou along the West Lake and crawl north through the trees and through all those lands until he reached the Frozen Coast. ", is a reference to this: "The forest was so thick that a squirrel would have traveled from the Atlantic coast all the way to the Mississippi River without ever touching the ground." This isn't true, but it's a saying nonetheless.  
> -The Xishan Tribes are, in many ways, an homage to Native Americans with an emphasis on the Iroquois and Huron.  
> -The land of the Xishan is an homage to the Lake Champlain River Valley, as you'll see  
> -"Bastard Sons of the North Star" is because the Xishan see themselves as trueborn sons of the North Star.  
> -The Great Hunter is a made-up religion/belief that has no inspiration or bases. I made it all up on my own in a single night while writing. Not now, back when I started 'Adventures'.  
> -The Northern Lights were part of this made-up belief. In canon, they are a sign of the world being in balance. They're Spirits frolicking in the night sky. I figure that, long ago, some Water Tribe raider captain realized that they're bright and can be used for nighttime navigation. A tradition was started.  
> -The Sentinels and the Xiongnu Wall are both based on the Great Wall of China. The Sentinels being the guards that man it. The Xiongnu Wall being low but long and built to, get this, keep barbarians out.  
> -Someone could find a comparison between the two and the Night's Watch and the Wall from Game of Thrones. I didn't have the comparison in mind when writing this, but sure, that's an honorary reference.  
> -The Sentinels, next chapter, are revealed to be drawn from soldiers across the Empire and manned by criminals-turned-soldiers. Also not intentionally a reference to the Night's Watch. A reference to real China's use of sending criminals to man fortresses. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ReassignedToAntarctica/RealLife (scroll down to China).  
> -Dadao are large dao blades  
> -The Dagze Company are a semi-mercenary band based out of the valleys of the Northern Air Temple. Semi-mercenary because they're comprised of followers and believers alongside paid-for fighters.  
> -As Mori explains, the Dagze Company avoid wearing clothes because they believe in a cult of being naked. See, Celts. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nudity_in_combat


	53. The Xiongnu Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the men unlucky enough to be stationed on the Xiongnu Wall!

Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen:

“You failed to scout properly, you failed to take the reports from our men in Xinjiagou, you failed to use the giant wall we have that was  _ built for these such occurrences _ , you failed to hold the gatehouse, you failed in every last spearwall attempt, you all lost your arrows somehow!, you failed to send for reinforcements in time, it’s almost like the lot of you got wasted instead of going to your guard positions! Who needs patrols, right? It’s not like we’re defending against roving hordes of men and beasts that  _ want us all dead _ ! It’s only by the good fortune of His Imperial Majesty that  _ any  _ of us are still alive here! Yes, you bastards, kowtow. Kowtow like your spirit-forsaken lives depend on it because  _ they do  _ and if you  _ don’t  _ kowtow I’ll break every last one of your toes until you  _ do  _ kowtow! Get on your knees and  _ thank _ His Imperial Majesty and His Imperial queue and His Imperial band of Kyoshi Warriors and His Imperial southern reinforcements ‘cause otherwise you’d all be moose-lion food right now and  _ I do. Not want. To be. Moose-lion food _ . Do you  _ hear me  _ Lee or do I need to pull out your tongue so you  _ stop having a side conversation,  _ Lee? Because I  _ will  _ send you into the Mountains of Zhag’yab and I  _ will  _ make sure you do not return until spring! So kowtow! Break your knees for all I care! You’re all drunk anyways! Kowtow and pray that His Imperial Majesty doesn’t kill the lot of you for not only treason but failing to even respond to the simplest of threats! Why must our nobility ride in on ostrich horses to save us? Why must His Imperial Majesty come north to save us? I don’t know ‘cause I wasn’t getting  _ hammered _ .” 

Such was the debriefing speech, if you could even call that a ‘speech’, of the Lieutenant General, General Who Pacifies the North, Protector of the Beishan Valley, Ling-Li. Afterwhich, the assembled men kowtowed towards the balcony where the Lieutenant General and I were standing. “Ten Thousand Years!” he shouted, setting the example with a proper kowtow directed to me. “Ten Thousand Years!” the assembled men chanted...hungover. I suppose that proves the matter of being ‘too drunk to fight’.

I gave Ling permission to rise. After getting up, he raised his hands to give me a palm-covering-closed-fist bow. Then he turned back to his troops and yelled “Get back to training, you drunks!” and down in the courtyard, men with slightly fancier green tunics began issuing orders to the mob of brown and green tunic-wearing men. The Lieutenant General heel-turned, put his hands behind his back, and went back inside his personal office. I thought to join him,  _ might as well participate in the debriefing now that I’m here and accidentally rescued all of you _ . While most of my bodyguards -including Ty Lee and Nan- were asleep in quarters loaned to us for being the Emperor and his retinue, Captains Suki and Wuhan followed me inside. The end of the siege was but a  _ geng  _ earlier. Enough time for the Sun to have gone down, giving us a light blue sky to the southwest. The fringe of such twilight barely reached over the mountain ranges’ ridgeline.

Ling’s office was far from the extravagance befitting a place named “The Gates of Beishan.” Most of the furniture was made of stone. And not the rich stuff imported from Dajing, no no no. This was made of the same greyish-black stone that covered the mountains to the west. He had lanterns sitting on stone shelves. They weren’t perfectly lined up and rough along the edges and filled with books and writing materials. Pillars for supporting the roof of this fortification appeared to be placed without a care for architectural design. The only piece of furniture that was ornate in any capacity was a chair with small green trimmings etched into the rear side of the backrest. Hanging above the desk behind him was his  _ jian  _ scabbard and blade. An attendant stepped around me carrying a tray with some cups and a pitcher on it. “Tea, Your Majesty?” the grizzled Lieutenant General asked, gesturing to his assistant. “Of course.” and I pulled out a simple chair,  _ it’s so simple it’s just a stool _ , and sat down on it, putting my hands on the desk. The tea was poured for me and placed in front of me. I thought now was a good time as any to get a conversation going.

“Lieutenant General Ling Li. Seventy-five years, is that right?” the man with a dusting of white amidst his black beard sighed. “Anytime a man asks me this question, Your Majesty, the next one will be ‘and are you going to retire?.’” _How did he...how did he know_. “Men of your age aren’t leading garrisons, they’re sitting back in an Upper Ring _siheyuan_ sipping tea. What brings you up here?” He opened up a scroll that I couldn’t see the details of, a writing implement, and got to writing something while speaking to me. “I could ask the same of Your Majesty. According to Tang, Your Majesty led a charge that broke the raiding party’s back. Royalty aren’t leading riders, they’re sitting back in the Palace, being royalty.” I sipped my tea. “I’m not the usual ‘royalty’, then. My business is mine, what intrigues me is what _you’re_ doing up here.” “The General of the Army of the North, Imperial Commander Zhi, came and barged down the door of my house in Bukimina Nanika and told me to help him do his job for him while he went and drank his way across the Empire. Three seasons later, here I am.” and he made some marks on the scroll of his and placed it to his side while drawing out another from a scroll pile.

I thought of Wuhan’s comment from earlier about there not being a wall here. He was still visibly...pumped… for some action, so I spoke for him. “The Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard recalled that there was never a wall here before.” The Lieutenant General took his eyes out of his scroll and looked up at the statue-like Wuhan. His eyes squinted as he said “Of course he’d know that, he’s from Xishan.” and while Wuhan scowled, Ling ran his eyes over the man’s face before coming to the inquisionary question of “You’re of the Si Gou?” Wuhan looked  _ down  _ at me and my chair, his eyes requesting permission.  _ What could it hurt?  _ I pondered. So I gestured a ‘go ahead’ to him. He gave a quick nod then “No, I’m of the Zheng.” Ling banged the table with his fist, “Ha! I was close!” and he looked at me and said “Your Majesty, he’s from the Zhenzheng Mountains. No wonder he knows.” and yet again his gaze turned back up towards Wuhan. 

“You were a tracker in the Imperial Army? How’d they let a Tribesman in?” but this time, Wuhan crossed his arms. So I spoke for him. “It’s his business. You won’t find a more loyal man to the Empress.” Ling gave a couple half-hearted chuckles, as if he thought I was joking. I’m sure Wuhan’s death glare was what got him to stop. “Were you a tracker, Captain?” and the Captain looked at me, I said “Go on, tell him”, since I didn’t know either. “Went southeast on a hunt. Weiyi Shijian. Kept going south until I ended up in King’s lands. The rest’s history.” I believed him since I had no reason not to. The Lieutenant General, on the other hand, gave him a suspicious smile. “How does a man of the Zheng get lost in the Yancunese Mountains, Captain?” “Have you ever been in the Yancunese Mountains, Lieutenant General?” The old man nodded. “You haven’t gone as deep in as we have. There’s hinterland that these maps don’t even show. A thousand little riverine valleys tucked behind what we can see from the great valley itself.” The Lieutenant General sipped his tea. He couldn’t admit defeat, so he just dropped the inquiry.

He regained his control over the conversation by responding to my earlier question. “Your...Majesty’s question. Ah. Yes. So the Xiongnu Wall is new. There used to be a border wall further north, the Yancun Wall, but I’m sure Your Majesty’s friend could...elaborate...on what happened to it.” and, curious about new information, I responded with “And what happened to it?” since I hate vagueness. “Some Tribesmen broke through it at the end of the winter, during the final month of His Late Majesty.” He’s referring to the same spring when Toph ascended to the Badgermole Throne, the Avatar arrived to learn earthbending and assist us, and the could’ve-succeeded Black Sun Campaign. I heard Wuhan and his loud exhaling and addressed him, while looking at Ling, with “What happened, Captain?” 

Wuhan gave a formal bow. “I’m sure Chieftess Sevilay would not want to be referred to as ‘some Tribesmen.’” Ling was taken on the backfoot. “You knew the Old Moose-Lioness? She killed fifty of Zhi’s retinue with bow and arrow and ten more with a dagger.” A thin smile came to Wuhan’s lips. “She must’ve been pretty tired.” “According to Zhi, her war paint still haunts those who saw her in action...we...gave her proper burial rites.” Wuhan’s eyes flashed wide before returning to his normal squint -his  _ examining  _ squint- and he took a few deep breaths. “So she punched a hole in the Yancun Wall and you all ran away like a herd of cat-deer?” I could tell Ling didn’t like to hear the events, probably brutal events, transpire like that. “I don’t know,  _ Captain _ . I wasn’t there. The wall fell and was completely demolished. Soon after, Zhi found me and ordered me to get out of retirement and pull together some men and start work on a new border wall. Then he got busy out in Xisenlin.” Wuhan pointed at the doorway. “What’s the situation now? Because...if General Zhi hears of  _ this _ …” but Wuhan’s words trailed off into nothing. Ling, still a voice of ice and harsh winters, humbly spoke up. “We’re...well I’d be lying if I said we were holding. Every few days, we face another raid. I don’t even know where the Tribes are managing to get all these men from.”  _ Because... _ I countered a postulated thought, “These aren’t Tribesmen. They’re mercenaries.” 

“What?-”  _ What indeed, Ling _ . “-What are Tribesmen doing with mercenaries? How?” and he looked at Wuhan as if Wuhan could explain this. “The Zheng, we refused to work with outsiders. I can’t vouch for these men.” The Lieutenant General put his hands together to think. “The Southerners...I mean the Beishan...they’re more likely to work with other groups. Is that correct?” and now Ling sounded like a humble man addressing his elder. “The southernmost Beishan, the Xinjiagou...they’ve always looked down on us Xishan. We’re backwards and ancient and they’re...well they have a toe-length less snow than us.” The Lieutenant General sat back in his chair and thought things through while an attendant arrived with more goblets. I gave a suggestion to Suki and Wuhan. “Drink, drink up” Suki accepted the offer, Wuhan was down on his knees, thinking of something. It hit me that  _ we aren’t alone _ . So I snapped around and “You. Attendant. You heard nothing. Got it?” and the attendant furiously nodded his head. “Yes, Your Majesty. Not a word.” After some  _ fen _ of silence, the Lieutenant General exclaimed “because winter is upon us”, an answer to a question we didn’t remember. “Winter, upon us?” Suki restated the words, running through them out loud.  _ Has it really been only two seasons since Caldera fell?  _ Wuhan rose from his meditation, as silent as a barren wood. “He’s right. Winter is almost here. The Beishan might be going south due to winter.”  _ That might explain the, what was his name?, the Kazarig man. _ “Is this a yearly occurrence?” I asked the two of them. “No.” from Ling. “When the sea freezes during the equinox, winter has come early. Usually a sign that the Bastard Sons of the North Star are coming. They come from Tatkret and from Otok. From Aquijuq and and Olikpok.”  _ Wait. Wait.  _ “Olikpok. That’s what that man said earlier!” I shouted. “That man?” Ling gave me a questioning glance. “How vague.  _ What  _ man?” from Suki and her voice of skepticism. “The mercenary man. He said he was hired by Alignak from someplace called the Olikpok Isles.” Wuhan watched my every word and I countered by watching him add things up on his fingers. “It can’t be.” He said, falling to the floor as if he was faint. Suki, being Suki, stepped in to grab him. “Beishan Tribes being lent mercenaries by the Northern Water Tribe? What in the name of Her Imperial Majesty?” Ling questioned, his voice addled, while Suki helped Wuhan to his feet. I added one other thing of note.  _ The naked fighters _ . “Not just mercenaries, there were also followers of some cult of nakedness.” Ling sipped his drink. “The low ranked men are often parts of cults, Your Majesty. At least until their sage gets bought off. Gold’s more valuable than the Spirits.” and he laughed.

While Wuhan spoke of how ‘historic’ such a union “between the Bastard Sons of the North Star and the Beishan”, I was glancing at Suki and her Kyoshi Warrior makeup. It was when I spotted those lips, red lips, that an egg started cracking in my head. Here’s how that egg cracking worked.  _ Lips. Red lips. If we weren’t busy, I’d make a joke about how she’s always able to find time to put on makeup, even now. I’d make fun of that makeup if I could. I used to make fun of that makeup. The last time I joked about that makeup was...Nan Day Island.... Crack _ .  _ The Nan Day Campaign against traitors. Crack. Nan Day Island, which was defended by...crack. Mercenaries. Crack. Mercenaries hired by a man from Rinchen. Crack. He hired the mercenaries to...Crack...boom… _ “To fight the Badgermole Throne!” My shout made Wuhan and Ling stop their conversation and drew Suki’s questioning gaze my way. Since everyone was bewildered, I realized  _ why _ and explained myself as coherently as I could. “There were mercenaries hired by a Rinchen man,  _ also  _ not part of the Empire, to fight a war against the Empire, on an island that was in the North Sea.” See,  _ ha _ , in my mind, all of this makes sense. Why  _ else  _ would a Northern Water Tribesman help his traditional foes? It’s obvious! Suki put her hands on her hips and pulled a Katara, or a  _ kind of  _ Katara, “Are you drunk? What does one have to do with the other?”  _ Oh. I guess it’s not obvious _ . 

“I...while I don’t agree with Your Majesty, I do think there’s a correlation.” Suki swiveled to the man she just helped up and gave him a scowl of ‘I could help you  _ down _ ’. Wuhan, un-unnerved by the Kyoshi Warrior who was slightly shorter than him, explained himself soundly. “If the Northern Water Tribe could find a ‘loyal’, to them, ‘barbarian’, as they call us, then they could extend their political influence on the continent proper. A...a... foothold, if you will. Whoever sides with them would get an ‘army’ for support and would probably be kept alive as a puppet. None of our oral histories feature such Tribes siding with them, but the Fire Nation did something similar in the northwest.” Ling now looked at Wuhan more like a pupil, or more accurately, an advisor. A local. Someone who knows what the Lieutenant General never will, just as nobody knows Kyoshi Island better than Suki.

“So you think this is part of some kind of...operation to unify the tribes?” Ling looked down at his hands, then to the side at the scroll filled shelves. “That would explain the attacks. The Tribes aspire to unify.” he tapped his desk a few times. “We’d know more but...our scouts went missing not long before this recent raid.” I didn’t know much of what he was talking about, and instead of asking him, I looked to Wuhan. “The Tribes can ‘unify?’” “Only against invasions. And...Lieutenant General...I think the word ‘unify’ is incorrect.” Ling looked up from his desk-tapping. “Oh? What else would you call it?” “A coalition.” “Does it matter?” I interjected, since if this was semantics this was  _ not  _ our priority. “It does, Your Majesty. A coalition has many voices. Unity has one. The strongman.” His finisher was Ling’s starter. “And the Tribes hate one another, Your Majesty. It’s nearly impossible for anyone to unify them all.” And to this, Wuhan smiled. “That’s...mostly right, Lieutenant General. We’ve ‘unified’ in the past. Long ago. We’d need a strong figure to do it. Until then, no, we don’t unify, but we also don’t break.” and Wuhan let out some howling laughs. As if he was laughing at his own ancestors’ and homeland’s...well I guess the best word is ‘persistence’. The thing is, as much as I wanted to enjoy a  _ happy  _ Wuhan, there was a  _ big  _ problem here. Big in a literal sense.

“Why did the Xiongnu Wall almost fall? Do you not have the resources you need for this?” The Lieutenant General took some ‘ _ I need to explain myself’  _ deep breaths. “Your Majesty, the Xiongnu Wall is not just the Beishan Valley. It’s...much bigger. And...we have the resources. A hundred new recruits show up every few days from all corners of the Empire.”  _ Well he sure explained himself. Poorly _ . And his explanation only raised more questions. “All corners of the Empire? Is this not under the Army of the North? Are you not subservient to General Zhi? And what are the Wall’s limits?” He took a sip of tea before continuing. 

“Your Majesty, the Xiongnu Wall  _ is supposed  _ to stretch all the way to Lishudong. It goes northeast from here, cutting into southern Xinjiagou and southern Mazhai before ending at the Awooga Mountains. A second section was built to dam up the Dagze Valley at the border of Dagze and Zhenxing. And...that’s it. That’s the entire Wall. It’s not tall but it doesn’t need to be tall. Just higher than the conifers we’re looking over. And it's twice as thick as Ba Sing Se’s Outer Wall. We have mounted men riding from post to post up there.” For reference sake, Lishudong is  _ north  _ of Ba Sing Se. It’s the coastal commandery north of Dalidong. This far south, the Beishan Valley is almost as wide as the Great Divide. The Awooga Mountains are but the southern end of the eastern side of the Beishan Valley, the last of the tall peaks before it descends into foothills and plains country. Likewise, from my memory of maps, the Dagze Valley is about as wide as Lake Laogai. All of these places are of little importance to most military commanders. They’re one of our many frontiers and  _ most  _ people, especially the government and merchants, will never see them. No trade lines run through or near them and their only strategic value is if we have them, other people don’t. Commandery-sized mountain ranges filled with spruce trees and mountains and ponds and that’s about it. 

Back to Ling and trying to explain the unexplainable, “The Sentinels  _ are  _ part of the Army of the North, Your Majesty, but we draw from the entire continent for recruits.” Again, his answer was some kind of airbender evasion. More annoyed,  _ if you’re doing something you’re not supposed to of course I’ll be annoyed _ , “Why the whole continent? How is that your jurisdiction?” but Ling exhaled and pointed at the attendant. “This here...this man’s name is Song. He’s from Jinchang. He volunteered because, what was it?” and the attendant -he’s probably twenty- stepped forward, turned to me, and said “I wanted to see the world, Your Majesty.” The Lieutenant General grinned. “He’s in the minority. Most of these people...well they were given a choice. Go to prison for anything from stealing someone’s pig-chicken up to affiliating with the Protectorate, or get a second chance at life. Serve as part of the Sentinels, do well, live long enough, and you  _ might  _ be let free. We get lots of refugees, too. So we’ve got hundreds upon hundreds of recruits pouring in. And they get handed off to my officers, who then decide  _ where  _ on the Xiongnu Wall they’ll be posted.”  _ So...you took criminals and drafted them into the military. And… _ “So you run an army of criminals. That’s why you don’t give them military training.”  _ If true this makes sense _ . Ling laughed and gave his beard a good tug. “Your Majesty, most of our recruits have far higher tolerances of violence. They’re not as scared of plunging a knife through someone’s throat as a regular townsfolk man. That…” he laughed, “...that doesn’t make them the best  _ army _ . But...the volunteers get training. Training to bring them up to the level of some of the criminals. And… Everyone gets a chance at promotions. And we’re  _ always  _ looking for scouts.” His stuttering was a little more annoying than he probably intended.  _ Criminals? Daofei? Wait. I just thought of something. I know, me thinking...how strenuous. I might need a breather if I think too much.  _

“What’s stopping all these  _ daofei  _ from just rebelling against us?” I questioned. “That’s a possibility, sure, but that’s why we train them.”  _ How do you train daofei?  _ I argued logic. “But they’re  _ daofei _ . They’re ambitious and looking for any way out. They’ve got their bands. They have no reason to join...I...it doesn’t work!” I don’t know why it turned into me yelling at him, especially when I had no idea what I was talking about.  _ No wait, I do. Daofei  _ are  _ daofei _ . “Your Majesty, I’ve  _ made  _ it work. Because  _ daofei  _ like being part of a team, a group, a band. And when faced with the harsh reality that if  _ all of us _ fail in our duties,  _ all of us _ , whether noble’s son, veteran, farmer or  _ daofei _ , will be killed by, as I tell them and as they see for themselves, ‘whatever lies in those woods.’ When…” his hand shook, “...when they hear that, when they realize that they’re all going to die and everyone they know will die if this wall falls and the darkness pours through... they’re not routing. And these raids reinforce that only together can we hold them back.” If what he said was accurate, that’d be...outstanding. Outstanding and... _ the darkness? It’s like a folktale _ . 

Suki of all people surprised me by joining in this conversation. “General,  _ daofei  _ are wrongly perceived by most. Taking aside the crimes, the bonds they form are equal if not stronger than familial bonds. I would take it to guess you took advantage of those bonds to form the foundation stones for your army?” And the light of youth returned to the grizzled veteran’s eyes. “Exactly! How do you know this? You’re His Imperial Majesty’s personal bodyguard, not a  _ daofei _ .” Suki giggled. “Because I know my folktales. And as a Kyoshi Warrior, I represent the spiritual succession to one such bond.”  _ Right. Right. Of course. Why do the Kyoshi Warriors have that makeup? The Flying Opera Company. We’re the successors of daofei. The fact we treat one another like family, the bond we hold for life, that’s because of the daofei _ . The Lieutenant General was either paying too much attention to me and my head-in-hands pose while my queue rolled itself up on the desk  _ or  _ he didn’t listen to the last couple of words of Suki’s statement. “Even our name, the Sentinels are from...wait...wait, instead of asking me, Captain, why don’t we ask the men?” and Ling got out of his seat, walked around the table, and awaited my approval. 

“Ask the men what?” I asked, since again, vagueness.  _ Just. Be. Specific _ . “What better way to demonstrate their knowledge than by asking them some questions? What better way to prove  _ their  _ loyalty than by making them prove it?” The not-so-old out-of-retirement man was making a good point. Granted, it’s just as likely he was saying it because he’s trying to get favor with the never-visits monarch from the Badgermole Throne. Eitherway, he wanted to offer?  _ Go ahead _ . Suki didn’t have a comment and Wuhan was preoccupied, “I’d like to continue looking at this map, Your Majesty.” As such, I rose and went for the door. The attendant, Song, opened the door for Ling, myself and Suki before closing it behind himself as the three of us exited onto the balcony.

Below us in the courtyard, men were training with sticks and dulled blades. They wore padded armor. Most of the blows were blocked and those who weren’t able to were criticized for failure. Tang had a small group of people standing around him while he spoke about “-Tribesmen like to carry spears. And their spears can gore a moose-lion.” followed by one of his attendants handing him a spear shaft. He handed the spear to Ding-Lee, a young man with the eyes of a steppe-man, who grabbed it and ‘pointed’ it at Tang. Tang drew his wooden  _ dao  _ and gave a step-by-step directional guide on dealing with such. “You don’t want to get the pointy end. His range is his weakness.” Ding stepped forward into a front-stance, trying to ‘stab’ Tang with his ‘spear’. Tang parried the spear out of the way. “It’s still a piece of wood. He can always give you a good elbowing. So you want your strike to be quick.” Ding tried to smack Tang with the shaft of the spear. Tang came in with a diagonal ‘strike’ that landed on Ding’s padded shoulder. The other soldiers, most with their hair short and undone, a few with topknots similar to Tang’s or Ling’s, gave affirmations of comprehension. “But that was too slow, right?” Ding claimed, and he looked around at the nodding soldiers. “Nobody’s politely waiting for you!” he said, earning laughter from many accents. Just from my ear I placed two different Omashuans, a Gaolinger, a ‘inland’ Dongfanger, a ‘coastal’ Dongfanger, and a Ganjinese man. But Ling wasn’t here to watch his men train.  _ Maybe he would be normally but he’s here to prove a point or ten.  _

“Form up!” Ling-Li boomed from up high on the balcony. Tang turned around and looked up at his commander, then at me, then back to his commander. The courtyard of them formed into a tight column, maybe a foot spacing between each. I counted off the width of the formation.  _ Eight, ten, twelve, fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, twenty.  _ Then the depth.  _ Two, four, six, eight...ten? Eleven? Nine?  _ Bit of a problem, I can’t really  _ see  _ distance and these lines kind of mesh together. Point is, there were a lot of people in the village green-sized courtyard. 

The Lieutenant General grabbed the handrail and shouted “Recite the Sentinel Oath!” The  _ mob  _ of people began speaking as one, unified, mass. “Yesterday, I was a thief, a murderer, and a deserter! Today, I am reborn as a Sentinel! Yesterday, I came from Shirahama and Osaka, Gaoling and Omashu, Yu Dao and Ba Sing Se! Today, I am reborn as a Sentinel! I bring peace where there is war and civilization where there is anarchy! My blade pacifies, my body protects! Every Sentinel is my family, and my family is every Sentinel!” and the formation drew their  _ dao  _ blades and planted the tips in the dirt of the ground while kneeling. I looked at Ling. He had the look of a father proud of his son, or sons.  _ I was wrong. Daofei can have some unity. Just give them a code.  _

“At attention!” the veteran barked. The men rose, grabbed and sheathed their blades, and stood like a grove of bamboo. “Sentinels! We are honored to have the greatest duelist of our generation visiting!” _I appreciate the award, but it goes to Suki, not me_. I couldn’t exactly step up and go ‘well this is Suki’s award’ could I? “Lieutenant General, I’m sorry but your giving of titles is wrong. My cousin is tenfold a better duelist than I. I just keep finding whiskey and battles to engage in.” What I didn’t realize then was that it was a quiet courtyard. A courtyard that echoed what I said. “You all hear that?” he yelled and the formation broke into laughter. “His Imperial Majesty _also_ keeps finding drinks! No man can resist one!” and the crowd cheered. He went on to ask a question with a serious tone. “Men, are any of you pure?” The crowd shouted, collectively, “No!” “Are any of you pious?” again, a single grand shout, “No!” “Are you polite?” he sounded excited, as if he was going to rip the railing off from all the fun he was having with this. The men punched the air and cried “No!” “Are you patient little nobles? Are-” but he was cut off by them shouting “No!” “Then what _are_ you?” and the men drew their blades and punched the air. “Sentinels!” “What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the size of your pride!” and the men laugh-chanted “Sentinels!” 

After the men calmed down, he moved on to the questions. “Sentinels!” he yelled, the men brought their hands to their sides. “Why are you called Sentinels?” and the whole crowd erupted with chattering.  _ Truly, the well-disciplined well-mannered men of Azulon’s Royal Army, try beating this _ . With his hand, he pointed at a random member of the crowd. “You!” and some man jumped up. “Why are you drunk bastards called Sentinel?” and the man looked up at his commander. “We’re called Sentinels after our job as being guards, Lieutenant General.”  _ Right. That part was obvious _ . 

“And  _ why  _ does the Lieutenant General scream at his men?” Ling asked a third-person question  _ and also that question is probably not the best question to ask. _ Once again, the crowd exploded into chattering and people clambering over each other in vocal levels to try and be the highest. Ling pointed at, “You!” and picked a random member of the audience, someone I could actually see for once.  _ Green clothes, no beard, topknot _ . “Because you are a hammer and I’m an anvil, or something like that!” This eager man earned the humorous applause of ‘He’s right!’s from the rest of the crowd.  _ I get it. You’re all daofei and the only way to boss around daofei is to boss around daofei. But since daofei love being part of a group, if all Sentinels treat one another as equals then it’s as if they’re part of a big daofei organization _ . 

“Sentinels, what is our motto?” he yelled, and yet again the crowd erupted into a couple hundred individual accents trying to vy for control. “Would Your Majesty like to pick?” he asked, moving closer to me. “Sure.” I took my hand and ran it along the heads of the courtyard. The mass quieted down in anticipation. I closed my good eye to help with this being truly ‘random’. “You!” I yelled, pulling my hand back. Opening my good eye, the crowd parted to let a short rotund man with a one-season long beard speak. “Every Sentinel is my family, and my family is every Sentinel! We drink together, we train together, we go north together, we fight together, we die together!” and the group, no synchronization in the slightest, repeated that chant.  _ I have to say, for a bunch of daofei who will probably get executed for a variety of crimes, you seem to have got good spirits. And I hope to imply that you have good whiskey, too.  _

“Sentinels, what are our four branches?”  _ Four branches?  _ This time, he picked Tang since most of these people were in that  _ ‘I’m drunk and part of a mob so I’m going to do whatever they do’ _ state of mind and I think he wanted me to hear the proper answer without him himself giving it since he seemed to enjoy making his men do things. Or maybe he was being random and Tang happened to win due to his overly zealous desire to answer this one. “Fire! They march north on our campaigns. Air! They are our eyes and our ears. They scout for us and they are our couriers. Water! They reach to any invasions or cross-wall raids with riders. Earth! They defend the wall and maintain it.”

Suki was giving me this  _ ‘why didn’t we think of that?’ _ look, to which I gave her a  _ ‘I’m me, what do you expect?’ _ counter-look. “I see, and I don’t often see things, that you took inspiration from the Avatar Cycle.” The Lieutenant General, credit to him, had no idea that my in-joke was a joke, and had no idea  _ why  _ Suki giggled at the statement. Instead, he honed in and focused on the second part. “General Song was the one to come up with the idea, Your Majesty.” The attendant went ‘huh?’ but the Lieutenant General corrected his question, “The legendary Aged General, Song. Not you,  _ yet _ . You’ve got to  _ live  _ to be his age first.”  _ Yet? Come on. Just say never. Stop getting the young man’s hopes up _ . “I thought General Song wasn’t part of the secret Avatar worshipping society.”  _ Wait. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that _ . “What? Does Your Majesty mean the White Lotus? They’re a bit public about their intent. And no, he’s just lived long enough to see all four elements used at the peak of their strength. Also, the names inspire people to die for us so who cares?”  _ Valid point _ . I had another question. “So your four groups...how does that work? Someone apply for one?”  _ Oh wait, I almost forgot _ . The Lieutenant General, instead of answering, waved his hand about until it fell down like the Finger of Embarrassment upon whoever was honored enough to be on the poke-end of it. “Where do we start, men? Do we start off in branches?” Some middle-aged man in the crowd was picked and spoke up. “All Sentinels start off as defenders of the Wall, Lieutenant General. We are then picked for a specific branch.” That’s vague and unhelpful. 

Does this mean good riders are cut between Fire and Water? An archer would be better off defending the Wall, but what if he’s also a good rider? Or infantrymen. Not every single dismounted soldier should be resigned to defending the Xiongnu Wall. Then it hit me like a fist that I don’t need to spend all year pondering these thoughts. “Lieutenant General, can we go back inside?” The Lieutenant General nodded, “Of course, Your Majesty,” and loudly ordered his men “Back to training, you drunkyards!”. He followed me back inside -thank you for opening the door, Song- and back to his desk. “Your Majesty, Lieutenant General, a question?” Wuhan asked,  _ right, I forgot you were here _ . “Yes, Captain?” I didn’t bother with Ling’s approval, I just let him go ahead. “Your...map...was this drawn during the late spring?” Ling stepped up to the wall-sized map and looked at it. “Yes, it was, Captain. How did you know?” and me, being a genius, cut in with “and why does it matter?” 

“Because the Majia only ever gets this wide during the snowmelt. Same with the Zhag’yab. Come winter, all these lakes and rivers are frozen.”  _ Oh. Because...water...movement. Right.  _ Wuhan pointed at the Beishan Valley proper, “the Beishan riverbed’s usually not much more than a creek. I take it you’ve been planning military maneuvers using this inaccurate map? And  _ why  _ does it say that the Zhenzheng and Qingje live  _ in  _ the Zhenzheng Mountains? We don’t live in the mountains, we use them for our tombs.” Wuhan seemed partway between disappointed at their inaccuracy and humored by what I assume are inaccuracies. “Because...our scouts found Zheng men up there and...well we’ve never had any scouts that far north, at least...during the spring, Captain” And this drove Wuhan into a laughing fit. “No...wonder...you didn’t have scouts up there! It’s the...Spring Hunt! They’ll be picked off like cat-deer!” and he buckled over in hysterically terrifying - _ note, a man from the frigid far north who rarely shows emotion laughing is quite unsettling and that’s not because I think he’s unsafe it’s because everyone else should be afraid of this. It’s like happy Zuko without the underlying angst problems _ \- laughter. 

While Wuhan recoiled from the after-effects of his tangential allies trying to hunt his family down and doing it  _ so wrong _ , I looked this map over. It was a regional variant of ‘the Far North’ as some professor called it in a dozen different Archive scrolls. It was focused on the Beishan Valley from Lan Shan, where we were just on the northern boundary of, going  _ up  _ in both elevation and towards the north, up to the Xainza and Majia Coast. The Valley itself has mountains and hills, but the two ‘walls’ of the Beishan Valley are so tall the map doesn’t have topographical markings for them. There’s also a pair of long lakes separated by a thin creek running north-south nearer to the western edge of the valley. In each commandery, a rough circle was drawn showcasing the tribal lands. In Yancun Commandery, for instance, there lay the lands of the Yancunnese in the northern region and the Mankou in the southern. “Are there really only twenty five villages?” I asked, much like the intelligent man that I was. And much like that intelligent man I was, Wuhan laughed at me. “No, there’s a bunch of villages to each tribal land. This map...this map.... _ why are our tribal lands circles _ ?”  _ I have no idea _ . “Because our scouts can only view them from a distance, Captain.”  _ Oh, he wasn’t talking to me _ . I have to admit, Ling somehow walked the line between arrogant confidence and humbled embarrassment  _ well _ . Wuhan snapped out of it and looked at this grey-haired man, and with the tone of a Captain commanding his men, “Do your scouts even have skis?” The Lieutenant General, not one to budge, didn’t back up from this. “For that, we are underequipped, Captain.” “Then how do you plan to scout lands that are layered in snow?” “We lack the craftsmen to make proper skis, Captain.” Wuhan sighed. “And  _ that’s  _ why you’re getting picked off. A dozen archers can harass an army of a thousand, easy.”  _ Of course they can. That’s the brilliance of mobility. We on Kyoshi Island could beat small armies with just our uplands advantage. Not that they got past the Unagi. And the ice. Wait.  _ This, the numbers difference, reminded me of something. 

“Lieutenant General, Colonel Tang told me some twenty thousand men were attacking this fort. And yet, we attacked a thousand of them in the woods and maybe...oh, a hundred, within this fortification. Is the Colonel lacking in counting skills or did the scouts report incorrectly?” and I watched the Lieutenant General tap his chin and think. “He wasn’t wrong, Your Majesty. Most of them probably ran north of the wall once the riders arrived.” _How do they do that? This is a wall_. “How did they run north of the wall? How could they possibly retreat?” Then I turned to face the Captain, no not my cousin the other one, “I thought the Tribals never retreated.” _Am I going to have to doubt you, Ling?_ Wuhan gave an answer that could explain all of this. “If these were mercenaries, not Tribals, then they may act differently.” Granted, it’s not that specific. Ling spoke up with his thoughts while he grabbed his tea to drink it. “A few earthbenders, Captain…” _pause to grab tea_ , “...and they can burrow underneath the wall.” _Earthbenders_. This inspired a thought in my head. “Why not just destroy the wall?” It sounded so smart when I thought of it. “And let the entire Sentinel force know where they entered? These Tribals don’t _want_ people to know they’re south of the wall built to keep them out.” _Right, right, of course. Ling, that’s...right._ He looked at me like I took one too few blows to the head. “Is Your Majesty alright...all these questions…” Suki hopped over to my side, put a hand on my shoulder, and grinned widely, “No this is His Imperial Majesty _before_ he gets hammered. Not after.” and she slapped my back and stepped away. _Thank you for that contribution, Suki_. That back-slap made my mind do some basic calculations. “So there’s up to fifteen thousand people north of the wall?” The Lieutenant-General nodded. 

“Most likely. And they’ll be preparing for another raid soon.”  _ Another raid?  _ I opted to take a seat and let the Northerner and the Protector of the Beishan Valley engage in their own verbal duel or peaceful conversation,  _ it’s up to them _ . Suki noticed my choice and  _ also  _ chose to remain in the background. “When was the last raid?” Wuhan asked, curiosity in his tone. “It was a minor raid, a dozen people, six days ago.” the way Ling said that...it implied that he lost people in that. He probably did. The Captain didn’t stop. “And the one before that?” Ling took some breaths. “Four days earlier.” The Captain raised his eyebrows. “Did you identify if they were mercenaries or not?” Ling sighed, rubbing his head. “They were wearing furs, Captain.” Wuhan pointed at the map. “Tribesmen don’t come this far south. And if we did-” and he moved his hand over to the western side of the Beishan Valley, “-we’d take the mountains.” Ling pointed at Wuhan’s extended hand and said, loudly, “But the mountains are impassable, Captain!” After a single chuckle, Wuhan corrected him. “To you, yes. To us, it’s our homeland. Anyone who grew up in the mountains knows what I say is true.”  _ That’s right.  _ I looked at Suki and she and I were in nodding agreement that he was right.  _ We can cross the mountains of Kyoshi Island. We can land kayaks on most of the coasts. We can ascend hiking trails nobody knows about _ . “Tribals would never attack a wall like this. We may war against the Kingdom but that doesn’t make us idiots.” Ling went back to sit down and drink some more tea. “So in your opinion, these were all mercenaries?” he asked and Wuhan nodded. “Yes. Someone’s got the money for all of this.”  _ But who? How? There are a lot of mercenaries _ . 

Ling was only made more...concerned about these connected pieces of information. “Why a prolonged fight against us? We can toss more men at them.”  _ And they aren’t exactly the most competent of men.  _ Wuhan shrugged, but not rudely, more of an involuntary shrug. “I don’t know. I’m not whoever’s behind this. But it makes sense that the Northern Water Tribe would pay for mercenaries to  _ weaken  _ our northern defenses, both my Tribe lands  _ and  _ the Empire.” Ling had a moment of jaw-dropping. “I thought we were at peace with the Northern Water Tribe, Captain.” Wuhan said what we were all thinking. Or, Suki and I, at least. “A Magistrate of the Empire may be part of the Empire but he doesn’t act in the interests of the Badgermole Throne. Why wouldn’t the Chiefdom of the North be different?” Ling didn’t get it. He was thinking on a national scale. With defined borders and such. “Because if the Northern Water Tribe was in an act of aggression against us this would be beyond the Sentinels’ responsibility, Captain. This would...this would be...a war. The Imperial Army would be mustered, the Imperial Navy would sail north...the Avatar might get involved...anything could happen!”  _ Except, as Wuhan said, not everything is as...official, as we all wish it could be _ .  _ That goes for both sides _ . It was at this point that I wanted to prevent the conversation from going off on a tangent. Not that I thought the possibility of war was...well...impossible. It sure is, and for all we know this  _ is  _ an act of war, but it’s not relevant to the current right-across-the-wall-from-us matters.

“How do we get rid of these fifteen thousand? And...I take it we have no idea what else exists further north of that, right?” and Ling shook his head. “All our scouts are dead or gone.” Wuhan, the voice of reason and also experience, added his thoughts. “Men, men...remember something. As the days get shorter and colder, those fifteen thousand mouths are going to need to be fed. They’re going to come back south…”  _ And if they come south… _ I came to a conclusion “We don’t want them coming south, do we?” He slowly nodded. Ling’s voice grew with a hint of stress. “If they cross this wall, they’ll rampage across the plains lands. By the time the Army’s mustered, they could be at West Lake or as far east as Nanchang.” “So what do we do?” I asked. Then asked again. I felt the dread in Ling’s voice as he stated “There’s only one thing  _ to  _ do. Go north.” The rest of us looked at him and watched him grab a whiskey flask from his desk and drank some of it.  _ Go north?  _ His statement was insane. And yet…

A few  _ fen  _ later… “If we travel north, we’ll kill multiple duck-geese with one arrow. We can get rid of the mercenaries, we can secure the Beishan Valley for the winter and get to the bottom of any Water Tribe involvement.” and I put some pieces down on Xinjiagou Commandery. We had a map open and lying on the table with but a few of the Sentinel’s commanders convening. Lieutenant General Ling, Colonel Tang of the ‘Water’ branch, Colonel Peng-Lee, a bald man from Beixiao in the Region of Nanchang with a medium-sized beard, one of the main commanders of the ‘Fire’ branch; Colonel Xin, a mustached man with topknot from Ningqi in the Region of Dahexi, another commander of the ‘Fire’ branch; Colonel Akisada, a man with a three-pointed black beard and Fire Nation bronze eyes hailing from Lushan in the northeastern Colonies, a commanders of the ‘Earth’ branch; and finally Colonel Du-Ho, an Imperial Army of the West officer with short hair and a short beard hailing from Ba Sing Se’s Yunlicun who volunteered to join the ‘Earth’ branch. 

“Your Majesty, we lack scouts,” Akisada stated. “And if we wait until winter, they’ll have scouts,” Wuhan remarked for me. “Your Majesty...what is our objective? Pacify the entire Valley?” Du-Ho asked, unsure of himself as much as he was unsure of what I was saying.  _ No. No. No. _ “Stop thinking on a large scale. We’re not going to clear Xinjiagou, let alone the Beishan Valley. I’ll let Her Imperial Majesty’s Captain of the Imperial Metalbending Guard explain this. Captain,” I stepped back and made space for him. He put his palm down on the mountains of Yancun. “The Tribes go on hunts into the mountains. We don’t intend to spend all year up there. We’d freeze to death. Instead, we go and come back. If you try to occupy the lands of Xinjiagou, the locals will harass us. A better plan would be to treat this like a hunt.” But the officers didn’t understand his analogy. “How would we ‘hunt’ these mercenaries?” Du-Ho said with wonder in his tone. The Captain let  _ me  _ jump in, our roles reversing again. “There’s fifteen thousand of them. It’s kind of hard  _ not  _ to notice them. They lack the locals’ abilities to hide in forests and they are  _ mercenaries _ . Mercenaries don’t get paid for sitting around in frozen mountain passes, do they? The rest are spiritual fanatics. They aren’t the passive type.” Despite this, I faced questions from all sides. Peng-Lee asked, part worried and part anxious, “And Your Majesty proposes sending the entire Fire branch against them?” “All we have to do is get rid of the mercenaries. Unlike them, we can set up a supply convoy. We can capture the old abandoned outposts that dot the Valley and use them as bases.” I looked at them and their mixed responses. “Let’s go on a Campaign. It’s that simple. Take some riders, go north and be south before the solstice hits.” 

After far, far, too many  _ fen _ of everyone tossing their skeptical opinions in, Ling said ‘Enough!’ and sided with me. Here’s why: Wuhan aptly pointed out that the Tribes, if they wanted to attack, would find ways through.  _ If  _ there’s some kind of unification war, we as the Empire want to intervene in that before it gets out of hand. Doubly so if the ‘unifier’ is a Northern Water Tribe puppet. As our naval presence that far north is non-existent due to the nearly if not frozen seas, there’s no way to find out what’s happening. The Northern Water Tribe could be, through vassals and suzerains -thus keeping them in direct control of their own land only- holding different Tribes. There’s more personal reasons, for our sake. And by our, I mean the instructions I was given by Lao Ge. We really  _ should  _ try and unify the Xishan and Beishan Tribes. That’d secure our northern border, give us a buffer against the Northern Water Tribe, and allow us to divert these tens of thousands of men guarding the Xiongnu Wall elsewhere. 

It was concluded that the entirety of the ‘Fire’ branch would be committed to this. About ten thousand men in total. We’d ride north, find these mercenaries, and get rid of them while capturing and retrieving information from any we can. Ling would lead us, Tang volunteered to come along and of course, Peng-Lee and Xin would be commanding their soldiers. We lacked skis but made up for it in overwhelming numbers and, with the assistance of the ‘Water’ branch, a supply line that could theoretically get us all the way north into the Si Gou-Yancun Pass. In reality we’re going to play it safe and  _ only  _ go into Xinjiagou. Specifically, a fortification partway up the valley. The orders were dispatched and the men are to be mustered. In the meanwhile, Suki, Wuhan and I got bored. So we did what bored people do.

We took a staircase up to the top of the Xiongnu Wall. A staircase. Because the Wall’s not that high and anyone that’s climbed the Thousand Steps twice to ten times a day can handle ten-story climbs,  _ easy _ . At night, the Wall’s less...majestic, compared to whatever beautiful scenery we could see during the day. But it’s replaced by the torches that line either side of the wall and the contrasting views. To the south, where villages exist, clusters of lights. Most farmhouses have small fireplaces and are visible from even here. To the north, not a single light of any kind. Pure darkness across however the endless expanse of forest. The stars, the salmon-colored scar that crosses the sky, illuminated silhouettes of mountains to the north. Not just any mountains, the Northern Mountains. These mountains are so tall their peaks are hidden by clouds. They look like a set of spike tips sticking out of the ground. I don’t know if the ascents are inherently steep or if the silhouette makes them look like a wall of spiked mountains covered in snow. Speaking of, our first snowfall came while the three of us were up there. 

As any three would do, we sat back against the southern battlements. Wuhan was facing north and meditating, Suki and I were lounging about. Oh, and the two of us made sure to drink as much as we could take before getting nice and  _ comfortable.  _ “You think wherever the Prince is, he’s getting snow right now?” Suki asked, looking up at the stars. “You think Her Imperial Majesty’s getting snow right now?” I asked, thinking of said woman while also looking up at the stars. “But the Prince, ah, he probably  _ loves  _ snow” she mused, and I heard her blush. I know you can’t hear someone blush but I did. It’s when her voice gets a bit softer than usual. “I don’t know if Her Imperial Majesty likes snow. She likes anything she can step on” I said, confidently hammered. “Like you?” she couldn’t hold back the giggling. “I’m honored to be her footrest”  _ you couldn’t say that much better if you tried, could you _ . “Since most girls like getting kissed below the eyes, does she like it when you kiss her feet?” and she made air-kissy noises with her lips. The ‘mwah’ kinds. “How many ‘girls’ do you know as an example, Sukes?” “Me, Aoma, Kikyo, the two Kokos…” “So all the Kyoshi Warriors are into some weird stuff, right?” I finally came to this realization. She sat up and  _ pointed  _ at me. “Hey, hey,  _ you’re  _ the one married to the blind inventor of metalbending.” I corrected her, taking her hand and putting it back where it belongs, her other hand. “I’m  _ not. Married.  _ To her.” She rolled her eyes. “Oh? Oh, right, you’re dating her.” I nodded and tried to not get annoyed -sibling rivalry, not actually annoyed- at this. “‘Right’. And you’re breaking Kyoshi’s ethics by being close to a man before you get married!”  _ Is that an ethic? Who knows _ . “That’s not an ethic” she knocked my argument out of the sky.  _ I can still fight this!  _

“And what if Sai heard about this?” She blinked. “Sai, like,  _ my  _ little sister, Sai?” Now it was time for me to roll my one good eye and pretend to roll a fake metal ball. “No, obviously someone we don’t know.  _ Yes. Sai _ .” She laugh-shouted, then, between soft chuckles, said “She’d make fun of whoever she felt like.” Since I didn’t get it, “What do you mean?” “She’d make fun of you because you went swimming and she’d make fun of me for trying to, just,  _ not  _ come home at dusk. And then Father would reward her and-” I finished her thought, “-the two of us would be told to watch her while he went to the Great Hall, he’d come home-” she cut me off to finish my thought of her thought “-bringing her cake and telling us that we should’ve gone to sleep earlier because-” I chose to give a good impression of Oyaji’s voice, “- ‘now, you two won’t be ready to rise early tomorrow for classes!’” And the two of us laughed like lunatics at the same time. Not lunatics, Kyoshi Islanders. “I hate that girl,” Suki said jokingly, while actually smiling. “You hate her as much as you  _ love  _ Sokka?” I challenged her. “Hey, hey, hey,  _ I’m  _ not going to be giving the Empire an heir soon or a later.” That was her counter. I fanned myself, pretending to be stressed. “Someone shout for the Avatar, I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders!” and she cackled. “No, you’ve just got the weight of a sack of grain on your shoulders. And this one sack of grain can carry mountains. Speaking of, you think she misses us?” The fact that there was a pause between sentences befuddled me. “Which she? My favorite back-talking  _ wise _ cousin or my favorite Empress?”  _ I can feel your anger at losing the title, Sukes _ . “Oh, Sai misses us, she’ll never ever admit it, I meant Her Imperial Majesty.” “No? She’d never admit it. Just… just like Sai!” and the two of us broke into even more laughter. “Oh...you  _ know  _ the two of them would make the best of friends.” “They would, Sukes.”

Suki turned the discussion back against me. “She doesn’t have a replacement for her pillow” she said, before losing her composure once again to laugh. “Speaking of, you know why we’re going up here, right?” I asked, sitting up and looking at Suki as she spread her legs out to relax against the cold stone. “We’re going to unify the North” Wuhan quietly whispered from between his murmurs.

“Yes, but no, officially, Her Imperial Majesty sent me up here to fetch her a blanket!” and Suki let out a girlish cry of happiness. “That’s...really sweet of you!” “Ain’t I the best, Sukes?” and I even grinned at my own arrogance. “No, I am, but you’re the craziest. Possibly the best boyfriend ever, but the craziest.”

“Only I could have us go on a campaign to unify an ethnic group while  _ really  _ having the goal of getting my monarch a blanket!” 

“To the Empress!” Suki cheered, out of nowhere. “To the Empress!” the other two of us cheered. “To stupid actions!” I cheered. 

Into the far north we go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for Wall-Loving Folks:  
> -Bukimina Nanika is a town in the far south of Lan Shan commandery.  
> -On the various names of the mountain ranges (Zhenzheng, Yancun, etc.)/ The best analogy for this is the Alps. There's the French, German, Swiss, Italian, Austrian and Slovenian Alps. They're all the same mountain range, the Alps, with different tribes/nations laying claim to parts of the mountains. The Yancun people lay claim to the mountains near them, then to their north the Si' Gou lay claim to their part of the mountains, then on and on. All the 'claims' border hinterland that nobody owns (between the tribal lands).  
> -The Empire cuts the land into commandery-sized chunks. Therefore, while the Yancun might only own a small part of their mountain range, the entire northern half of the river valley is called Yancun despite multiple tribes living there.  
> -The Olikpok Isles are the island(s) east of the Northern Water Tribe. They're directly north of the Northern Air Temple's lands.  
> -The Protectorate were an army of rebels that fought against the Badgermole Throne during 'Records'.  
> -The Sentinel Oath is based on the Daofei Code that Kyoshi takes during Rise of Kyoshi.   
> -"Yesterday, I was a thief, a murderer, and a deserter! Today, I am reborn as a Sentinel! Yesterday, I came from Shirahama and Osaka, Gaoling and Omashu, Yu Dao and Ba Sing Se! Today, I am reborn as a Sentinel! I bring peace where there is war and civilization where there is anarchy! My blade pacifies, my body protects! Every Sentinel is my family, and my family is every Sentinel!"  
> -Explanation of the oath: It's about rebirth. Thieves, murders and deserters turned into a crimeless 'Sentinel'. Shirahama and Osaka are cities in the Colonies. Gaoling and Omashu are cities in the Empire. Yu Dao and Ba Sing Se are the capitals of both. They came from these lands and now they're not from any land (thus the lack of contrast) for they are now landless 'Sentinels'. They bring peace and civilization today instead of yesterday's warring and crime. Previously, they were individuals, but now they're 'all in this together', they're all brothers of one another.  
> -The origin story for the four branch names is that Song got drunk one night. He was asked how the Sentinel program would be organized and he mumbled about 'unity' and 'the elements' and soon enough cut the Sentinels into four. Why include this here and not in writing? Why in the name of Kyoshi would Ling-Li ever admit that origin story?  
> -The two long lakes are in honor of Lake George and Lake Champlain. Next chapter, we'll get to a fort that is an homage to Fort William Henry.


	54. They’re in the Fir Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sentinels march north on a campaign of pacification.  
> The trees can talk.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty:

The Beishan Valley and its corresponding mountains go by many names. Large maps of the continent give this land the simple name of “the Northern Mountains.” Sensible, I suppose. They’re in the north, and they’re mountains. Many Ba Sing Se maps including the ones in the Archives of all places call this the Beishan Valley. In both aforementioned maps, they have a large line drawn on either side of the Valley. That’s the Northern Mountains or the ‘boundaries’ of the Beishan Valley. A simple single line to distinguish a mountain range. Sometimes they get the name ‘the West Peaks’ and ‘the East Peaks’. The line drawn is the same used elsewhere. This line doesn’t get any notation to tell you what the line means, but if you compare this line to Ba Sing Se, you might believe that the mountains are as impassable as the Outer Wall and that the hinterland tucked behind them is as thick as the Upper Ring is wide. As this is a Ba Sing Se-based map, everything is based on Ba Sing Se. Just as the Outer Wall is unascendable, so are these Northern Mountains. Of course, the line doesn’t give you a clue as to the height of said mountains. The Outer Wall is hundreds of feet tall but would be dwarfed by the foothills, let alone the peaks, of these mountains.

Those from northeastern Lan Shan, to whom the Sentinels are not, call this the Akhasir Valley after the original settlement to be built in this land, the Temple of Akhasir in Awooga. Note: Awooga  _ isn’t even in  _ the Beishan Valley. Akhasir isn’t even the  _ capital  _ of the Awooga Commandery. It’s just a temple-town that happens to be the second-most important location in a commandery with only two map-recognized locations. There are more, hunter’s cabins and cottages, but the maps don’t make note of them. These Earth Kingdom settlers named it as they felt. I can’t fault them for it, they saw a big valley and needed to name it something, so they named it after something they owned so they could hold a claim over all of it. 

The Sentinels call this ‘the Land of the Barbarians’ or ‘the Land of the Beishan Tribes’ or ‘the Land of the Northern Tribes’. Most of the fighting men of the Sentinels probably didn’t know what Beishan was until they showed up here. Their wall ‘helps define’ the boundaries, the civilized from the uncivilized. Regardless of who from north of it is consulted, if they are south of the Xiongnu Wall they think this land belongs to and is -supposed to be- run by the Empire. And it is. The Wall was and is meant as a stopgap. One day they’ll civilize this valley, a valley with a name they gave based on sheer ignorance. Finally, a majority of the real locals are those north of the Xiongnu Wall. And to them, they have names and definitions that few non-Tribals know. The non-Tribals that do know it are the hardy settlers scattered across the lands up here, unaffiliated with the Sentinels. 

We rode north along an old Royal road in Xinjiagou that ran in the shadow of ‘the West Peaks.’ While Nan ran between the ostrich horses of Ty Lee and the other Warriors -namely Suki- she was chatting with, discussing the arts and poetry verses, Captain Wuhan looked to his left and up at the cloud-covered mountains. I knew then what the Southerners called these lands, but these  _ aren’t  _ the lands of the Southerners. Just as Kyoshi Island is the land of the Kyoshi Islanders, the Beishan Valley is the land of the Tribes. 

“Captain, what amazes you about all this?” He chuckled, since as he’s said once before, ‘I’ve seen too many things to be amazed’. And yet, he gave his thoughts. “It’s hard to believe I’m riding _north_ through lands that my father and my brothers would consider the south. I know these mountains. They’d never believe the size of this army.” _Oh? How interesting. No really, that’s interesting._ He wasn’t looking at me, but I was trying to wave him on like a soldier would wave a taxiing biplane on. At some point he heard me flapping my hand about, turned to face me, and was greeted with “Do go on! I may not see the point but I can hear it! What can you tell me of these peaks? What do the local Tribes call it?” He sighed, rolled his eyes, and turned back to face the sky-high wall of snow. “The Zheng...and the other Xishan Tribes...call these the ‘Southern Peaks’, Your Majesty. Our Shamans and Shamanesses call these the ‘Peaks Where the Sun Hides in Winter.’” Looking at these peaks, sure they seemed quite high but they’re _to the west_ , not the south. “Why call them that?” I had to say, loudly, over the sounds of Ty Lee making everyone laugh at _something_ funny. Or she was laughing. Someone was laughing and I’m sure that conversation was fascinating. “From equinox to equinox, the Sun would not rise on our tribal lands because of these high mountains to our south. Someone from Si Gou would still see the Sun. We’d see the sky change color for a few _dian_ , as Ba Sing Se would call them, and that was it.” then he turned towards Suki and ask “Didn’t Your Majesty have the same with Kyoshi Island?”. _Please don’t start addressing her as ‘Your Majesty’, we’ll never hear the end of it. No wait you’re looking at her because she’s smart, right?_ Suki turned away from some hilariously out of context laughter about water being wet - _is that an analogy, a metaphor, or a euphemism? Thank the Empress for forcing me to contemplate_ \- and responded _for_ me. 

“I don’t know if _he_ had the same thing back home but we’re closer to the temperate lands than Xishan is. Or...Beishan. Shan. Up here, we’re a day or two by boat from the Northern Water Tribe. Kyoshi Island’s, what, a _week,_ or a Kyoshi Week, a quarter of the Moon, from the South? I wouldn’t know, I didn’t take a kayak and sail there _did I_?” and she looked hard at me. _Hey. Don’t you accuse me of doing something I did_. As expected, this made Wuhan turn around and ask “Your Majesty...did you take a kayak and sail to the south?” I wasn’t going to go down like a kayak in the middle of the Umiak Coast. “No...I...no. Nope. Not me.” Suki, also an expert at the defensive martial art known as ‘Not me’, parried and counter-attacked with “Oh yes you did. And you _found_ the Umiak lands, didn’t you.” _No, I didn’t_. But, like a child that I was and a genius that I is, _are, not is_ , I pretended to have no clue what she was talking about. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Wuhan saw through my lie. “Your Majesty…” _hey, just because you’re old enough to be my elder brother by ten some years doesn’t mean you get to act like my Uncle. Or...Katara._ “What’s the story?” he asked with such a _smooth_ commanding voice that I had to respond. _No, wait it’s nothing to do with his voice_ it’s entirely on Suki for giving me this _I-will-embarrass-you-in-front-of-Ty Lee_ face. To whomever the blame should or would go, _neither of them and entirely on me_ , I folded like a bad ostrich-horse stance.

“Storytime.” and the Captain honed in on me. Suki smiled, she knew what was coming. “When I was a young man, even younger than I am now, I chased and killed an elephant koi with a kayak, a bow, lots of arrows, a spear, and some Clear Whiskey. That’s a big deal on Kyoshi Island since all of us  _ love  _ fish almost as much as we love Kyoshi. But that’s a story for a less exciting or relevant time. My esteemed cousin, my less-esteemed cousin and I smoked as much meat as we could. As the traders had already left with their ships that they trade on, we couldn’t sell them the smoked meat. Because we couldn’t do that, I was inspired to try it for myself. Why? Well I had this Clear Whiskey-induced delusion that if I took a kayak, some smoked elephant koi, and some provisions, I could barter with the Southern Water Tribe for some sweet, sweet, arctic wolf furs. My esteemed cousin thought this was a quote, ‘wonderful’, idea and that ‘there’s no way you’ll get in trouble for this.’” I paused to let the two of us look at Suki and her grin. 

“Anyways, So I took one of my family’s kayaks, my clothes, one pair of pants full of smoked thin strips of elephant koi, and a kayak full of elephant koi in thin slices. I left during the next morning’s nautical twilight. Autumn mornings are normal days, relatively speaking. I sailed for the Qiki Isles, the Tribe of Qiki, just so you know, Captain, were our best trading partners. My map, being a great implement for pathfinding, was taken by a passing otter-seal when I neared the northern side of Sangria. I knew I was  _ not  _ in the right place because Whaletail Island, I knew the coastline well, was  _ not  _ south of Sangria, which itself is north of Qiki. Wait, wait, I mean. Sangria’s north of Qiki and Whaletail’s north of Sangria.” The two Captains nodded along with Wuhan commenting “I understand.” 

I continued my storytelling. “As I desired a nice place to sleep, I found an inlet near a local Fire Navy outpost. I brought my kayak ashore, tucked it somewhere out of sight of passing vessels, and edged nearer the base. I happened to  _ just  _ miss, as the screaming outpost commander called them, through yelling, ‘an angry, edgy, angst-filled problem factory’ and his ‘friendly tea-addicted mind-addled uncle’ on ‘their quest of self-enlightenment and other such oddities’. Being a young man from Kyoshi Island, I knew not if this was some kind of running joke in the Fire Nation or if some strange uncle-nephew team was wandering the Southern Air Temple Islands looking for ‘oddities’. Being an  _ expert  _ at stealth, I waited until the Commander went to sleep to sneak into his main headquarters office and take  _ his  _ map since all Fire Navy officers have to have maps.” I paused to let the Imperial Guard react. A wary suspicious glance. “I know, I know, how did I do it? The base was barely guarded.” Wuhan didn’t relax the glance.  _ Oh, who cares. He’ll be suspicious forever. Or maybe not. Just ignore the look and tell the story. _

“I went to sleep near my kayak. I woke the next day on some awful sand and set out. I followed this one map south, southwest, through the similarly sky-high peaks of the Patola Mountains. The trade wind was fortunate and took me west then south between two large islands. One little problem: Qiki was to the east, not the southwest. Being a Kyoshi Islander, one of our rules is ‘always improvise even when not needed’, or maybe I made that one up. So I settled on getting  _ anywhere  _ in the Southern Water Tribe regardless of where. So I kept rowing south, gobbling through my elephant koi. By the next night, I almost crashed into a docked Fire Navy cruiser off the coast of Baingoin Island.” Wuhan replaced his suspicion with “why didn’t they kill you?” to which I shrugged. “They were busy blasting music to tell. A drummer, a tsungi horn and a few other instruments together in a kind of on-the-spot band.”

“Anyways-” and I waved myself forward, -here’s what I was thinking. I could probably hop aboard and grab a torch to warm myself with. Right? Well… The allure of good music and one old man’s amazing voice was too much for me, and instead I spent most of the night tucked away listening to this man sing while his really scream-y nephew ran around angry that his firebending wasn’t as deadly as it should be. Some engineer spotted me, but instead of whacking me with a wrench, she said ‘if you don’t say a peep, I won’t get in trouble for not killing you, and I don’t want to fill out that paperwork’. So I didn’t say a peep while she used firebending to warm me up. I asked her ‘are you the only engineer here?’ and she responded ‘the rest are involved with the General’s music night’. I never asked her who this vessel belonged to, mostly because we only spent a few  _ fen  _ together. She was a nice woman. She thought I was a local from the Southern Air Temple, one of the settlers. She warned me to stay away from this vessel ‘or we’ll have to capture you.’ Like that, she was done and the two of us wished one another well. So I took my kayak and rowed off to the sounds of a romantic season-based song,” I tried my best to mock the voice from my memory, “‘Winter, spring, summer a-a-a-a-a-a-a-and fall. Four seasons, fo-o-o-o-o-o-our loves.” and the two of them broke into laughter. 

_ Time to regain control of this storytelling before it becomes a bad old men impersonation competiton _ . “Anyways, I rowed away from that and a whole instrument band playing along to it. Two days of current-aided rowing later, I spotted land. Ice. Which meant I was in the right place. You know, because the Water Tribes aren’t called the Water Tribes because they live on  _ earth _ . On my way towards the coast, I had to dodge an entire Water Tribe Navy that decided to embark. Let me take a  _ miao  _ to comment on how nice and sleek their cutters look.” And so, we all took a  _ miao  _ to be quiet and think about that. Or maybe not, and the other two were just quiet because I was quiet. Back to the story. “I managed to duck behind an iceberg and watch this flotilla sail north. A fog bank came rolling over the coast of ice. Before it could block out my sight, I was able to catch a glimpse of some oncoming Fire Navy ships. They flew the black sea-raven banners. A naval battle ensued. Cutters were obliterated by trebuchet projectiles. Fire Navy ships were boarded by these bone-weapon-wielding men. You know the drill, this is the usual naval battle that would make for an entertaining story to tell and a nightmare to live through. As I couldn’t be bothered to pick a fight, I was a young man and had no stake and didn’t care about the Water Tribesmen beyond trading partners, I sailed south. Because I had trading partners to trade with. I made for the coast. I reached the coast and came upon...a village. As I was wearing the blues of the Water Tribes they immediately assumed I was a fellow Tribesman despite my not-oliveness. And by them, I mean some young women. Lots of young women. I didn’t think twice about the lack of men because...hey I had fish to sell.” During my drinking break, the Northerner commented “Wouldn’t all the men have been a part of that naval battle” and Suki held her finger up to her mouth. “Shh! He’s getting to that part.” Then she turned towards me. “Aren’t you?” and I cordially head-bowed.  _ You remember the story well, Sukes _ .

“So...I searched this village and was led to the highest authority I could find, a woman old enough to be the Water Avatar. I asked her some important questions. One, ‘Where was I?’ Two, ‘Where did the traders go?’ Three, ‘How do I get from wherever-this-is to Kyoshi Island?’ She explained I was almost as far from Qiki as one could travel. I was in the lands of Umiak. I had little idea  _ who  _ ruled Umiak and didn’t care. Thankfully for me, this old woman was happy to lump in the ‘traders’ question with a ‘and if you’re wondering where all the men are’ question, the Chief took his navy and went north to join whatever nonsensically stupid campaign the Southern Water Tribe was having. Right, she didn’t phrase it like  _ that _ , but you two get it, right?” and the two of them nodded. “So she told me that he  _ just  _ took his navy and went north. Now, I didn’t mention this before, but the Water Tribe fleet that went north was having it’s naval supremacy questioned...yes, that’s the nicest way to put it, by this Fire Navy ambush. I put what I saw and what I saw together and told her ‘so...I kind of watched your Chief’s navy get smashed by the sea-raven people.’ She looked like she was about to die of a heart attack or something. ‘That’s my son’, she said. Now, I didn’t tell her this but I will tell you this, I was just there to pick up some furs. Not hear someone else’s sad story. Does this make sense Captain?” and I stopped to let Wuhan give his thoughts. “Yeah, it makes sense. You didn’t know these people from a hole in the ground. And they’re snow savages, so it’s not like they’ll be missed.” “I didn’t look at it like that. To me, neutrality was the best thing to maintain. That’s what Oyaji taught.” “That’s right” Suki confirmed. “I hope the Water Tribesmen got what they deserved” the Water Tribe-hating Captain declared with a clenched fist.

I went on with the story. “What I did tell her was that ‘I’m here to trade whatever elephant koi was left in this kayak’ for some furs. As you never know when an old person’s going to cry or pull out a  _ dao  _ and hack you in two, I hoped it would be quick. The bartering, not my death. It was. She had the villages collect some clothes and I handed her a large quantity of smoked meat. I received some fur coats and some kimono-tunics and tossed them in my kayak. I was requested to go ‘scout’ and find out what happened to this old lady’s probably-middle-aged son and his navy, and as I learned trading from the traders, I demanded one payment of seal jerky for such a request. She couldn’t exactly refuse, could she? She reluctantly accepted and gave me one morsel. I took my kayak, went north through the fog, and discovered that the Southern Water Tribe Navy had turned the blue seas red with the blood of the sea-raven people. There were one or two cutters that had sunk but some ten Fire Navy cruisers and dozens of people who had already frozen to death from the cold waters. Determined to get more payments of jerky, I went back to this coastal village to report my findings to the elderly woman. She stopped crying and I took  _ all  _ the seal jerky. I justified it with a reason. I said to her, ‘I’ve got a long path ahead of me’. I didn’t have a long path ahead of me. It was much easier to go north than south. Sail east across the mouth of this large bay, then north to an island, east around that island, north from there until another island, east around  _ that  _ island and directly north from the easternmost point of Sangria Island to reach Kyoshi Island. Took two days, or maybe three, I don’t remember.” “So that’s the story?” the Captain pondered. Suki and I both laughed at the same time. My cousin put it into better words than I could. “There’s an epilogue!” 

The epilogue: “Others might be upset at this. My uncle was proud that I embarked to go do some trading. He was also very happy at the fur coats I had received. And he was glad that I returned safe. But, because of how Kyoshi Island operated, I was judged for the good  _ and  _ the bad. And the bad meant I had to be punished for going out on my own and not asking permission first. I was grounded for as long as I was gone, a little more than a week. Then, for the exact same amount of time, I was going to be  _ dragged  _ to class by my absolutely perfect cousin and get taught a lesson or two in ‘trying to escape’ by one woman and her rope. I was dragged every day for the next week and embarrassed beyond belief by being forced to practice spar every single Warrior until I collapsed from exhaustion, then raised from said attempts to sleep by some ice water -thank you South Sea- and forced to continue sparring until nightfall. Now, Captain, you may ask why this punishment system is so...disjointed?” Captain Wuhan shook his head. “Not really, Your Majesty. You did something good but you were disloyal. You did something ‘bad’ but were well-meaning. You were judged based on both actions. It’s a bit black-and-white, but then again, temperance and justice and raising someone have to be. It’s not the same justice as up here, but it’s a system.” 

A half a _fen_ passed while these two, and others, reacted. Turns out Ty Lee was listening in and her jaw had dropped from all the “Heroics” I was participating in. Ignoring her nonsense, I looked to the Northerner. Wuhan, curious for answers, asked “Who was the Umiak Chief?” Suki didn’t need to ask anything. She was just going to sit back on her saddle and watch me endure this. Simultaneously, Ty Lee asked “Who the annoying nephew and uncle were?” I’m not an encyclopedia of trivial notes, but I _am_ an encyclopedia of possibly relevant -depending on context- maps. I picked Wuhan first since his question was comprehensible and he was an adult enough to understand my evil, evil, big words. “According to the Imperial Archives’ most recent Map of the Southern Water Tribal Lands, the Umiak lands roughly correspond to the one and only Chief Hakoda, meaning…” _and reality suddenly hit me_. “Meaning I interacted with some old woman who was related to him, and assuming he didn’t have any recognized bastards…” _no, he didn’t,_ “...that pouty young man I met was the Prince, the young woman who was busy knitting his pants was his sister, the Princess, and the battle I witnessed was the Ninth Battle of Umiak Bay, where Chief Hakoda’s fresh -they were literally fresh from their homes- fleet routed the some ships from the Southern Raiders’ Navy and drove them back to Whaletail Island.” _Of course. Of course you stumbled on them when they had a historic battle. Because every battle in the South Sea was historic. But for more heroic points, claim that you stumbled upon ‘a young Prince and Princess’. No, don’t do that. That’s work, and that’s dumb. Work is dumb._ Captain Wuhan was able to follow everything I said while the level-headed Suki was distracted by “Wait so you met a younger Sokka? Was he as goofy as he is now?” and _that_ question was then derailed by Ty Lee and “Was he as cute?” _I swear, by Kyoshi, Ty Lee… you… you always know how to ask this stuff._ Suki didn’t take offense to this, instead joining in with “Well, _was_ he?” _Right. Right. Of course you jump in on this. Maybe...don’t?_ I couldn’t fight _two_ Kyoshi Warriors, let alone one. I stuck to my inner thoughts, which conjured themselves as outer thoughts. “I’m going to make up an answer, is that okay?” Ty Lee shrugged, Suki raised her fist and demanded “No! Was he as cute or was he not as cute?” _If I hear one more oogie I’m going to find the nearest biplane and take flight._ Now, I didn’t want to be forced to duel every single Kyoshi Warrior again, so her fist-raising was enough to scare me into a “He was, Your Highness! He was!” Thus, she blushed and fanned herself with a fan, “I thought so.” _I’m glad you thought so, Sukes_. One of these days, I think Ty Lee’s going to get Sokka, whether she has to fight through every single Kyoshi Warrior or not, I do not know. Maybe she only _joined_ the group just to get a legal reason to stay near him. I don’t know. That said, it’s either him or one of the other martially-prowessed young men wandering the Palace Grounds or, considering _who_ she is bodyguarding… _nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Do not let the underground Dai Li hear of you contemplating whether or not she has a crush on you. Of course she does, she’s said it, but… don’t give them any more ideas._ I don’t do that with my day. I do this with my day. Back to ‘this’, I had some unanswered questions and _I don’t care if Ty Lee’s going to giggle for the next thirty fen I’m going to get my questions answered!_

I looked up at the clouds, which while not overcasting us were covering the slopes of these snow-sided mountains. Why bother? I was looking for a gorge. A gorge would give us  _ access _ . “Captain, did you not claim that these peaks are passable?” He gave a small nod. “They are passable.” As I looked to my left, I remarked that “normally a ‘passable’ mountain range implies a ‘pass’. And I don’t see any passes.” That said, I tend to miss out on seeing lots of things,  _ because who needs two eyes when you can have an eyepatch instead? _ , so it was possible that I was just an idiot. “Your Majesty, from this distance it’s impossible to see what is climbable and what isn’t. We, or the Beishan, would follow the streams into the mountains. Some go up to waterfalls, some lead into thin gorges, some go north or south along the sides of the mountains. If you can find and follow  _ those _ ...then you’d find one of many hidden entrances running northwest-southeast. They’re invisible from here. See how those mountains overlap” and he pointed at a pair of high peaks. “Yes, Captain.” “So those peaks might have a gap between them, but it’s only noticeable if you were halfway up the left mountain and looking northwest.”  _ Right. _ “That gap leads up into the web of valleys that no Southerner has ever mapped.”  _ No Southerner ever mapped? So does that mean the Tribes have mapped it?  _ I tried to follow through with this question, “Have the Tribes mapped these valleys?” He shook his head. “I’m afraid not, Your Majesty. We don’t even  _ have  _ maps. And these aren’t the peaks I grew up with. This is much further south. Take me up to the Zhenzheng Mountains and I’ll recount every hunting path from memory!” His exclamation of anticipation was to be commended, albeit the current circumstances might prevent it.

We were near the front of a long column of ten thousand mounted Sentinels. Tang was up north, Lieutenant General Ling-Li led the vanguard, my bodyguards and I were behind Ling, Peng-Lee was behind me and the rest of this column stretched back down this eight-ostrich-horse-abreast Royal road. And we weren’t going eight-ostrich-horse abreast. Some riders were on the grass on either side, the Kyoshi Warriors maintained a scattered formation just behind me, and Colonels Xin and Akisada -he decided to come along with a band of ‘Earth’ branch men to help expand fortifications- rode up-and-down the column checking in on the troops and reporting to Ling directly. With a force this large there was, in the words of Wuhan, “No way we could approach the lands of the Majia or the Zheng. They’d see us coming a year ahead of time.” This was something we’d have to resolve, but we couldn’t do it now. 

Back to the question, I looked to my east at the jagged line of snow-capped peaks that jutted out of the earth itself. The previous night’s snowstorm coated everything from snow-capped peaks -to the east, not the west- down to the ground we were trotting on. “What do the Beishan call these mountains? Wouldn’t it be confusing if, let’s say, I wanted to meet with someone and I said ‘let’s meet in the West Peaks?’” Wuhan withheld his chuckles. Suki did not. “You mean like that time you told me to ‘meet you in the hidden inlet’ but we went to two different hidden inlets?” and she took a swing at my chest but missed due to this little  _ distance  _ problem. Ty Lee and the other Warriors were exchanging jokes about idiotic courtiers they met and as such didn’t have any excuse to jump into our conversation. Before Wuhan could say “another one?”, to which I would go ‘Yes, my life is just full of this nonsense’, which would make him desire  _ more  _ of my stories, I cut his thoughts off with “I just want to know what they call them and why.”  _ Sorry for sounding impatiently ill-mannered. I just don’t want to be cut off, so I cut you off instead. If I was the Empress this would be allowed because, well, Her Imperial Majesty is Her Imperial Majesty and that’s that.  _ He didn’t take offense to this. “Your Majesty is quite right. Having one name for the mountains would be so vague that it would be unusable. Instead, each tribal land that borders the Peaks calls it’s section of the Peaks after itself. We’re riding along the Xinjiagou Mountains. If we climbed into the mountains, the watershed line is where the Xinjiagou Mountains become the Hejiagou Mountains. North of the Xinjiagou are the Yancun, north of the Yancun along the corner of these Peaks is the Weiyi Shijian, west of those are the Zhenzheng, and so on. We use the watershed line going north-south because even the youngest child can figure it out. The only confusing part is up north where three different tribes have the same northern periphery of the mountains. The Weiyi have the northeast, the Zheng the north, the Qingjie the northwest.”  _ It’s a culture with no writing or maps and yet they, what, know? _ . This was a question I wanted answered: “Do all the Tribes know the mountains and just...agree to not travel too far south, west, north, or east?” He chuckled. “I don’t think my father agreed with the Weiyi that the Weiyi Peaks belong to the Weiyi and the Zheng are stuck in the middle. It’s just tradition. Our boundaries aren’t like the Empire’s commanderies. There’s no line in the ground that says ‘this is Zheng land’ or ‘this is  _ not  _ Weiyi land’. Every child grows up learning his or her hunting and tribal land like second nature. Hunting parties might travel much further south than goes to their Tribal lands. They can only be caught if they’re caught.” He looked around, as if looking for someone  _ listening  _ who wasn’t supposed to be, then back at me. “Don’t tell the then-Magistrate of Sitou but the first time I ever saw the lush central plains north of the West Lake was back when I was part of a hunting party.”  _ I’m...not going to. _ I wasn’t going to. I suppose his concern is tangible, the way he said that implied he did less-than-legal things.  _ Well it’s a good thing we’re leading an army of daofei, then _ . 

Because I didn’t know when to quit, “Did you steal something?” He banged his chest and howled. “Some pig-sheep-shearing woman saw me while I was passing by and well, we had a bit of a wrestle if Your Majesty knows what I’m saying. She was sad to see me go!” Now, context is everything, which is why Suki going “Wrestling? Of course he knows what you’re saying! He’s the best wrestler on Kyoshi Island!” made me slap my face so hard I thought I broke my nose when my good eye went white for a flash. Wuhan let out a very hoarse sounding wheeze, “I did  _ not  _ know Your Majesty was  _ that  _ good. Who was your first?”  _ Sukes. Sukes. This is on you _ . “I didn’t  _ wrestle _ , I wrestled-” I glanced towards Suki,  _ I’m going to take this in pride, just like you would tell me to _ , “-And I  _ am  _ the best, thank you very much Captain.” She snickered, but her snickering stopped when she went through her head and inquired “Wait...what kind of wrestling are we talking about?” It was at this point that Ty Lee joined the conversation with “Wrestling? Wrestling isn’t good for the auras. The only good wrestler was Zuko and he was always a very red aura anyway so it fit him.”  _ Red aura? What in Kyoshi _ ? Wuhan sounded like he choked on a live, squealing, wriggling, pig-chicken. That’s...the most accurate noise I can describe for it.. His bewildered follow-up was“Zuko...like, His Royal Majesty, the Fire Lord, Zuko?” Ty Lee nodded like a bobbing head. “Great Hunter...I...then where are all His Royal Majesty’s illegitimate heirs?”  _ Yup. He was talking about what I thought he was implying. And I took it in pride.  _ Ty Lee made this ‘huh?’ noise as her eyebrows rose in an act of defiance to... _ oh who cares she completely misunderstood what we were talking about _ . Was I going to try and badly butcher an explanation that was safe for someone as delicate as Ty Lee? 

Am I the Earth Emperor or am I a tree-man? The answer is both and I’ll mess up anyways.  _ Let’s go!  _ “Ty Lee-” she looked at me and  _ smiled _ , as if me saying her name was some kind of validation she desired, “-he was talking about a different kind of wrestling.” “Ooh? What kind?” she asked with all the innocence of an Egg Lord or a Lord Egg. “The...the kind where people do oogie-related things.” I clarified.  _ There you go, slap yourself in the face for that.  _ So I did. She understood this in the capabilities only Ty Lee possibly could. “Oogies? Like...the dark-red aura?”  _ What in the name of Kyoshi is a dark-red aura?  _ I looked at Suki while Ty Lee covered her mouth in shock or awe or something. “Does  _ anyone  _ know what a dark red aura is? Or an aura in general?” Ty Lee raised her hand. “Other than Ty Lee?” Nobody raised their hand.  _ Fine.  _ I sighed from the impending ridiculousness. “What’s an aura, Ty Lee? What am I? Green? Blue?” For a moment, she looked like a genius with how she blinked her eyes. Or maybe I was losing the last vestiges of a mind and she was just blinking her eyes. Who knows. “An aura is who you are! I’m feeling quite pink right now!” and she let out a passionate gleeful cry of happiness.  _ I’m...great. Great. I forgot, I’m talking to Ty Lee _ . “And you? You’re red! Brilliantly red!”  _ What in the name of Kyoshi?  _ “Brilliant red? What’s the difference between-” I’m not sorry for mocking her voice, “‘-brilliant’ red and dark red?” She giggled. “Well dark red is when the Captain and that cute, cute, Prince Sokka, go share a bedroom because they really want to hug!”  _ You. You’ve actually got to be kidding me _ . I turned around and faced Wuhan and the sky-high mountains. I could take my nose-bridge pinching out on him. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He held back his wheezing. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “And brilliant red?” I asked,  _ why bother? _ . “Brilliant red, well, you’re passionate, full of energy, and quite centered!”  _ Passionate? Full of energy? Suki, why are you laughing your sides off at this?  _ “Suki…” her cries of laughter, since her composure was long defenestrated, could replace even the best of Pu-On Tim. “No. No. This is great!”  _ No. No. It’s not _ . “You... _ passionate _ ? Wait until I tell Her Imperial Majesty! Wait until I tell  _ anyone _ !”  _ No _ . “Suki...you wouldn’t. I’m a good cousin…” and I took a deep inhale to let out a very long “Right? I’m a  _ good  _ cousin! Good cousins don’t get told about how passionate-” I was interrupted by Ty Lee and her yammering, “Passionate, because you’re doing something you love  _ or  _ for someone you love!”  _ Ty Lee I’m going to do terrible things with this jian.  _ Suki would’ve lost the rest of her mind, and was in the process of laughing her way into hysteria, but  _ thank the spirits, no, thank Kyoshi _ , Nan howled.

I slowed my ostrich horse down to a mere trot. “What is it, boy?” and he got on his hind legs, looked at me, and turned his head to the right, towards the rolling forests hills of Xinjiagou. “What’s out there?” I asked, quietly. He whined, his ears were fully perked up and his tail was straight and tall. I turned in my saddle and rested my hand on the bottom of the bow that hung behind my back. _What is out there?_ I wondered. The Sun was moderately up in the southern sky, but it wasn’t able to pierce the seemingly endless expanse of arrowhead-shaped firs. On either side of this Royal road was only a couple paces of snow-laden ground before disappearing into the darkness of those woods. And it was towards these trees that Nan was pointing his snout as he walked. “What is it?” Suki asked, listening to his soft whines and looking at him. “I have no idea. A predatory animal?” and Nan howled once more. “Your Majesty…” Wuhan’s eyes squinted like an owl-cat watching a rat-mouse. _No._ Like a rat-mouse looking up at an owl-cat. 

A strange call pierced the trotting of ostrich horse hoofbeats, a wail.  _ Ooo-aaah-ooo.  _

A javelin, or ten, came flying out of the woods. One of them stuck my ostrich horse in the side and caused it to buckle under pressure.  _ Nope _ . I swung my leg off and rolled right off, face-meet-snow. “They’re in the firs! Ambush!” someone, somewhere, screamed out. Then a horn blasted. An ostrich horse let out a wail of death, a couple men started screaming in pain, and  _ we’re dead, right?.  _ I rolled onto my back and popped back up, only to watch my good boy charge  _ past  _ me and into whatever darkness had just tossed a dozen arrows at our line. _ No, Nan, no, you are not running away from me _ . I drew my  _ jian _ and screamed “Charge!” “Your Majesty?”  _ Oh, you stupid daofei-officers. Let me show you how we do it on Kyoshi Island _ . 

I ran the ten-pace distance of snow, thankfully the snow wasn’t deep enough to take my boots whole.  _ Some  _ attacker loosed an arrow at me and it bounced off my Imperial Armor.  _ And that’s why we wear armor _ . Yes, it stung, no, it didn’t sting that much. The men behind me noticed this and let out their inspiring war chant of “Every Sentinel is my family, and my family is every Sentinel!” and joined me on this definitely-a-good-idea charge into the trees. Except for one problem. Most of the troops  _ weren’t  _ wearing armor and as such took arrows to the chest, shoulders, legs, one guy had five of ‘em sticking out of the poor, poor, man. Not me. Someone hit me with an arrow and they wrote me off as immune to arrows because their Great Hunter probably forbade it or something. Or maybe because I raised my arm to block my face and the rest of me was impervious to armor. That  _ would  _ explain why in this darkness, some man came counter-charging with a spear  _ and skis _ . He was pole-ing  _ skis _ . Unlike him, I had to stomp into the snow and as such tripped on some buried tree root, missed the parry chance, but  _ was  _ able to grab his spear and pull him towards me, giving him the old stab-through-the-neck trick. It silences most enemies. I looked at his skis and... _ they’re too small for my feet. His skis are too small.  _ “Why was I born a Kyoshian?” was what I asked the darkness. 

And out of the darkness came a platoon of men wearing tunics and light fur helmets. Without skis. The other guy was wearing the furs of a Northerner. Now, a single fighter may not be able to take on a platoon. So I backed up. Turns out, I wasn’t alone. As I parried one of their awful, awful, attempts to stab me with a spear and stabbed him in the neck, an ostrich came riding into the midst. On it, a man with a dao that was levitating  _ next  _ to him, cutting people’s chests, throats, and heads, as he rode by.  _ Oh you gilded crazy bastard.  _ He drop-kicked a man as he jumped off his ostrich before plunging that levitating  _ dao  _ into this tunic-wearing man’s tunic-wearing friend.  _ Drop kicked _ . Where was Nan? Feasting on some Northerner’s insides. As any good boy would do. I tried and failed to whistle, so instead I yelled “Nan! Get back here!” and this boy ran over the snow and up to me, his face covered in what was once other people’s insides.  _ That’s a good boy. You're the best boy _ . He understood my smiling and took it upon himself to jump-tackle some enemy man, sending that man falling backwards against one of the trees, forcing the man’s head to splinter open  _ against  _ the tree, which Nan then licked up like,  _ okay you know what Nan...I...you’re crazy. I’m not going to keep commenting on this _ . 

He wasn’t to be outdone. Some Northerner came charging me with skis and two axes. I parried one axe, bashed the other one out of his hand, but before I could kill him the guy took a  _ whack  _ to the back of the head by Wuhan. “Duel me, you filthy Kazarig!” and Wuhan smacked his chest. “You...Si Gou?”  _ Wrong _ . Not that the Kazarig cared. He grabbed his axes and came down upon Wuhan, who headbutt disarmed the first, twisted the Kazarig’s hand, and  _ sunk his teeth into this Kazarig’s throat _ . He pulled back and  _ ripped this man’s artery out _ . Summoning a voice so deep and guttural he sounded like an evil spirit, “I. Hate. Kazarigs. Such  _ softies _ ” and Wuhan picked up this completely random man and pile-drove him, a wrestling move, into a tree. “You...want to wipe your mouth down?” I timidly asked the man currently hyperventilating and  _ smiling _ . “Nah” and he licked his lips.  _ Well I...great. That’s great _ . “Your Majesty, some skis.”  _ wait Suki how are you...forget it _ , Suki called out from just behind me, having somehow missed the events. “They don’t-” but I was cut off by  _ another  _ couple geniuses charging us. I’ll get to the rest, but the first one was one-handed-grabbed by Wuhan, summoning his inner  _ beast  _ voice, “Us Zheng don’t like you soft,  _ delicate _ , types” picked up, squirmed about a bunch, and tossed head-first into the same tree from earlier.  _ That tree’s amassing a kill count _ . As for the rest of them, they wore armor. Not that good armor, but armor nonetheless. Wuhan kicked up an earth pillar to blow two back while Suki cut someone’s hand open with a fan, bopped said person in the head with another fan, and I stuck my  _ jian  _ through another’s. Wuhan pulled up a wall of earth, while I looked at the skis. Sure enough, these skis did fit. “Let’s regroup in the glade!” Suki suggest-yelled.  _ I’m with you, Sukes _ . I slide my feet into the skis while the Kyoshi Warriors gathered around me,  _ how...how are you all wearing skis? Were you all busy ski shopping? Are you all perfect at everything?  _ No, no, of course, to Kyoshi Islanders, skis are second-nature. Behind knowing a good Clear Whiskey.  _ It’s also possible during the brief combat we just had, they took the skis off the ostrich horses that were brought along with us after we left and Suki got my skis from the dead ostrich horse. Or something _ .

With our personal retinue of ski poles, we “Advance forward!” going west, not east, because east is where all the screaming and arrow volleys are, and west is where the road is. It’s not retreating, it’s advancing forward in the opposite direction. Once back  _ on  _ the Royal road, we formed a lion-turtle formation with Wuhan, Ty Lee and myself in the middle. I looked around. To the left, the vanguard riders had decided to take a leave and  _ vanished _ . Ahead of us, a row of bodies belonging to  _ daofei  _ and once- _ daofei _ of both kinds. To my right, chaos. Some Sentinels were holding  _ a _ line on ostrich horseback, some were dismounted, others were riding  _ south? South?  _ “They’re retreating!” Wuhan aptly pointed out.  _ Yes. Yes they are _ . “Do we rally them?” Suki asked as an arrow  _ pinged  _ off her buckler. “What do you think, no? Who do you think I am? Of  _ course  _ we rally them!” and the Kyoshi Warriors cheered. I took my ski poles, sheathed my blade, drew my bow and yelled “It’ll be  _ just  _ like fighting the Chin all over again!” a reference that all the Warriors and Wuhan got. So the only one who didn’t was Ty Lee, but “As long as I get to chi-block bad people, I’m happy!”  _ I’m happy you’re happy, creepy woman _ . 

I skied down the road, nocking an arrow in my bow and using one hand to hold a ski pole, a bow, and a nocked arrow. If it sounds like it’s a lot,  _ you’ve never tried carrying an Earth Empress with one hand while that hand is impaled with a full bottle of glass _ . “Warriors! Do your offensive thing!” I shouted a nonsense command while Nan howled in approval. “Girls! Break ranks!” and  _ now  _ was the time Suki decided to draw her katana.  _ Things must be serious. I see. Half as well as I’d like to _ . That unsheathing sound  _ might  _ be one of the greatest blade-unsheathing sounds. As elegant as the wielder is a mad-woman. The Warriors, at home on skis, rode up to the tree-line and stayed on the defensive. Except Ty Lee. She - _ how, how do you jump like that, are you an airbender? _ \- hopped  _ up  _ to the tree trunks and jumped from one to another before smashing her fist into some man’s face. The rest of the girls waited on the oncoming charge of the men, many of whom were covered in tattoos with characters for strength written on them.  _ Sounds like a Pu-On Tim play.  _

It’s scarier than it sounds. There is something haunting about a bunch of freezing-to-death men wielding sharp sticks coming out of the darkness screaming incoherent taunts about people’s mothers. Good thing the  _ first  _ purpose of the Kyoshi Warriors was to deal with these kinds of men.  _ Yes, Kyoshi may have been drinking her own Clear Whiskey. As we all do.  _ Each Warrior drew a fan or katana, as they wished, and made quick work cutting people down. It’s almost like  _ not  _ wearing armor makes people more vulnerable to being attacked. Except Suki. She  _ had  _ to bound herself forward, screaming something quite coherent about “Let’s teach them how we do it in the South!”  _ that’s not even a taunt, that’s a declaration or a factual statement _ , and followed by her parrying five spear thrusts at once -because it’s not like they wait for you, one at a time- before cutting all five pairs of legs out from under them. I didn’t see the rest but Suki’s voice distinctly cried “And now you’ve got no legs to stand on!”

That wasn’t the end of it.  _ No, no, of course not _ . Because there were also people coming out of the  _ other  _ forest. The one that we were ‘advancing’,  _ note, retreating _ , towards. There was nobody to yell about this tidal wave of mercenaries pouring out of the firs,  _ and spruces, but like the Dai Li they never get recognized for their existence, poor spruces _ , but that also meant there was nobody to save my not-inebriated-enough-to-be-deadly self. “Wuhan? Some whiskey?” I shouted. He happened to be there. “On it!” and he ran over to some dead man, pulled a flask off him, sniffed it, and chucked it to me.  _ I caught it!  _ And it smells like... _ come on this is the garbage fake whiskey. Well I guess it’ll have to do _ .  _ Glug _ . The first mercenary got Ozai’d.  _ Bonk _ . The second mercenary got Ozai’d.  _ Thwick.  _ Officially the second version is the official ‘being Ozai’d’. The third mercenary got Shinji’d. Also known as  _ stab. Let’s do the stab thing!  _ The fourth got Nan’d, which you do  _ not  _ want to get because Nan does not care for such principles as gravity, he  _ will  _ hop up and snap your neck with his gorgeous teeth. Another mob of them came and I ran out of stuff to toss at them so it was  _ One-Eyed Badgermole time!  _

Three men thought to attack me, with spears, and at the same time. And they’ve never used skis because if they did they’d know the  _ last  _ thing you want to do is try and put your weight too far on one side. Sure they were lightly armored, leather and some fur, but men on skis are only as smart as their ski-smarts. One leaned too far to his right because he  _ really  _ wanted to poke me but instead his skis tripped and he fell over, messing up the other two’s attempts. That’s when I went in with the  _ poke, poke, parry and poke _ . All to their necks or the gaps in their armor. Another man was going to try and get the same result but instead a wolf-dog grabbed his messy undone hair and  _ pulled  _ him to the ground before  _ Spirits, Nan do you have to rip that man’s chest into pieces with your teeth? What are you, Toph without the earthbending and replacing all the earthbending with insanity?  _ No wait, he’s just a toned down Wuhan. 

Because Wuhan has this thing, a  _ dao _ , a  _ dao  _ that he has been metalbending practicing with since he learned to metalbend. In one case, he stuck it into his foe and metalbent the blade to slide  _ up _ , sawing the man in two like you’d saw a cake in two with a knife. A Northerner came at the back of this monorail-line of dead people. “You a Kazarig?” the Captain shout-asked. The Northerner beat his fur-chest. “I am. Bonyak, seventh son of Lady Ayasun.” The Captain gave a ear-shattering roar, “Your mother tried to kill my father-” but he cut himself off to  _ tackle  _ the man, grab the Kazarig’s head with one hand and  _ shove his hand into the man’s chest  _ with the other since... _ no that’s just bare strength _ . And... _ pop _ . Pulled the head off. And affiliated spine.  _ Spirits above, you’re… _ “You’re actually insane.” “No, I’m  _ from the north. _ ” and he played a game of earthball with the man’s head, except the man’s head was the earthball and his  _ iron boot  _ was the kick. That head was...turned into many small pieces of head. Yet more of these spear-wielders swarmed us. Wuhan dug his blade into one man and used metalbending to slice  _ through  _ the man, my meteorite blade, already known to be good at cutting through wood and men, could cut through wood and men. So I cut through their shafts like bamboo and stabbed their exposed bits.  _ One poke, two poke, three poke, four… yeah I get it. _ It didn’t matter. There were like two dozen of them and they were in the process of surrounding us and as much as I like Nan eating someone’s leg, he’s only one good boy when we really need two. A man with a fancy cat-deer helmet had just tried to stab me with a spear when...a fire blast struck the furs he was wearing. Fire doesn’t immediately consume someone, but it must’ve felt quite toasty as he fell over and tried to put out. That must’ve been some kind of condensed blast because the rest of the attacking mercenaries were engulfed in a fire stream. A fire stream.  _ Did Zuko pop out of the trees too? Is he about to go ‘Hello, Zuko here?’  _

No, it was someone much less historically significant. But it  _ was  _ a firebender. Colonel Akisada and his ostrich horse, in fact. He rode a circle around Wuhan and I, blasting the backs of these spear-wielders with fire balls and making them fall to and roll around in the snow. Poor guys. Perfect opportunity for... _ by the spirits _ ...for Wuhan to bring his boot down on their heads. And also for me to parry the living ones, stab their necks, then kick them when they’re down. That was not the end of their waves of men. More of those terrifying wails from earlier filled the air to our east.  _ More of them _ . Colonel Akisada, the three-point bearded black haired  _ madman _ jumped off his ostrich horse and drew his  _ dao _ . “Your Majesty, get west!” he yelled at me as he swung his  _ dao  _ and sent a fire-wave at the woods across from us. I watched Wuhan amplify his metalbending with his  _ dao _ , plunging the blade into some man’s armored shoulder, as if the piece of leather wasn’t there at all. He pulled the blade out and shouted “Yes, Your Majesty,  _ do it _ ! There’s tens of thousands more coming.” Not often does someone try to order me around. We were in the process of cutting through those that we could, with firebending, metalbending, and good old meteorite blades, when...

Horns blared from north of us. All eyes paused to turn towards the road ahead. A detachment of riders flying the Sentinel’s brown pennant were coming towards us.  _ Where did they come from?  _ All that mattered was that they fell upon the loose formation of mercenaries and Sentinels and Warriors and me, lances breaking against chests as  _ dao  _ cleaved head in twain like a fisherman’s blade cutting a fish in two. And at their head, Lieutenant General Ling-Li, wielding a huge  _ dadao _ blade. He operated it like a scythe, treating the passing men like his grain. Not all were cut down, his blade couldn’t pierce armor. Didn’t matter. Momentum knocked as many down as the slicing of the blade did. Akisada released a wave of fire with every elongated swing of the  _ dao _ , and each wave either staggered the mercenaries or sent them fleeing into the woods. 

_ Is it bow time? I think it’s bow time _ . I had the space to do it, so I did.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ a man running at me _ , release _ . Into his head.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ a man to his side,  _ release _ . Another arrow to his head.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ a spearman stabbed an ostrich horse,  _ release _ .  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ hammerman knocked a rider off with his  _ big hammer _ ,  _ release _ .  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ enemy  _ dao  _ wielder,  _ release _ .  _ Nock, draw, aim, release _ . Four more quick draws. They weren’t aimed the best and they weren’t supposed to be. I used the chaos to get a few arrows in. I didn’t kill everyone I struck, but that wasn’t the point. After another four arrows, two to spearmen, one to an axeman, one to a man stabbing a downed rider with a knife, I realized I was getting nowhere with this. “Captain? An earth wall?” I shouted. “And let them know our weakness?” he countered before  _ charging  _ an oncoming man and sawing his arm off with a brutal  _ dao  _ swing that, again, was modified with the help of metalbending. I knew when he modified it because he pressed  _ just a bit harder  _ on that hilt, like a touch to the neck that shivers one’s spine. Or, I imagine, like what being chi-blocked feels like. Sadly, Ling’s riders were halted by the amassing mob of men. For Ling’s riders were but riders. They could not beckon their ostrich horses into a wall of spears, for the mounts were not trained for such. Besides, charging an enemy formation that isn’t loose and unbraced,  _ also known as most non-daofei formations,  _ is idiotic. 

Poetry may one day be written of the three men, surrounded on all sides by a neverending rampage of men wearing a variety of scraped together leathers, furs, metal plates, and sometimes nothing at all. The three of us spun around in an ever tightening circle. Our foes came at us, the firebender and his magic blade that produced flame from its tip, the metalbender and his blood-stained blade and blood-stained mouth, and the nonbender, a flower scabbard in one hand and a blade made from a fallen star in the other. For all that there were a couple dozen men around us, they were a couple dozen individuals, not one battalion. In the poetry, we will have danced through the day, three parts of one spiral. In the poetry, they will have fallen upon us like a wave crashes upon rock. In the poetry, we will have repulsed their waves either through steadfast determination or through relentless assault, depending on whether a man of the Empire or the Colonies writes this. 

In reality, each of them was but one man and no man wants to fling himself against a man with a flame-spewing blade, a ferocious ‘barbarian’ who just ripped someone who got  _ too  _ close’s throat out with his bare teeth and a man wielding a blade that can cut through any wooden shaft. In reality, we moved as three individuals with only the  _ hope  _ that our back flanks were covered. In reality, once each of us got a few kills, whether by fire wave, brutal hacking or precise  _ jian  _ strikes from the  _ hasso  _ stance, the mercenaries took to staying just out of stabbing range. They weren’t idiots. They lowered their spears and tried to harass us. Except...Akisada set the spears on fire, Wuhan used his metalbending to saw the wood apart, and my blade did all the work for me. And we did not fight on through the day like the poets may say. 

The commanding voice of one Captain Suki yelling “Warriors, regroup!”, I couldn’t turn around to face her but I  _ knew  _ what that meant. Not five  _ miao  _ later, a woman had hopped over my head and I  _ felt  _ the air of her foot as she nearly bashed my helmet in as she went on with this fancy dance.  _ Fancy dancer _ . She landed in front of me, thankfully for her I wasn’t in the middle of a strike, and ran up one of the spearman's spears before backflip-kicking him in the jaw, sending him tumbling backwards into other spearmen. She, too, fell in with him and ended up surrounded by spearmen. I wavered, unsure of whether to go on the offensive or not.  _ She’s a Kyoshi Warrior.  _ Whatever Ty Lee may or may not be,  _ she’s like an adopted sister to me. Let's do this. _

So I ran forward, scabbard in my off-hand and blade in my sword-hand. One footbound swing cut a few shafts off. Then it was a matter of _stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab_ and they no longer had feet since most people don’t have leg armor. Before they knew it, I was in amongst them and stabbing people up close and maybe even personal. The fancy flier Warrior jumped up, dodging four spear thrusts. She fell back down on them, punching two and another two, an extravagant use of her fists. _But there was still an entire...okay not an entire army_. I could only hack through so many men, _swing, slice, block and swing, stab, swing, stab, block and swing, stab, swing, stab, swing, stab_. _Stab, swing, stab, stab, swing, stab_ , _stab, block head with arm, punch man in face, stab, stab, sweeping slice to make them back up. Kick, stab, stab, scabbard block, stab_. I was proven wrong when the mercenaries wavered, dropped their weapons, and fled into the western forests. “Am I doing that?” I asked myself as I removed my blade from someone’s poor unarmored midsection. A band of screaming fan-wielding women led by one katana-wielding crazy person who, _nah, forget one man_ , she cut a man’s top half from his bottom half. When she wasn’t doing that, she stuck the long end of the katana into people’s backs or cut at their unarmored legs or... _sure, why not_ , gave a man a real good kicking. The fan-wielders could toss spears aside using their fans before jumping forward and giving the mercenaries a good punching or five. It also helped that somewhere, somehow, _no it’s a result of competence,_ Ling’s men broke through the fragile spearline and were chopping their way into the northern flank of this inner-facing boar-q-pine formation. 

The mercenaries, at least the ones on the northern end of the convoy, had scattered into the western trees. Suki and her Warriors formed a cordon around the three of us while she asked the twenty-something Akisada, then Captain Wuhan, lastly myself, if we had any injuries. Akisada had, through the power of far too many swings, sprained his sword-arm. So Suki took some sarashi,  _ note, every Warrior carries rolls of it _ and wrapped his arm. Wuhan didn’t need any healing but the men missing their throat-arteries did, and he  _ did  _ need a napkin. And I took a bunch of bruises, but I didn’t tell Suki then. I  _ did  _ say that “I need a shower.” The Captain and I were  _ not  _ going to get what we needed. Nan showed up, carrying someone’s arm,  _ that’s sweet of you _ , and dropped it next to me while offering  _ my  _ arm licks which was kind of concerning since, you know, context. Instead of giving context as to who’s arm that was,  _ that’s a nice ring you were wearing, someone _ , Lieutenant General Ling -Li showed up, handed us some ostrich horses -the previous riders wouldn’t need them, sadly for them- and told us to “Make for the Fort Wei-Hung!” 

Now, I didn’t know  _ what  _ he was talking about, and thus asked “Where’s that?” and Ling pointed down the road.  _ Ah, so you came from there _ . “Warriors, get going!” and the women complied, mounting up and forming a column to prepare for riding off. “And what of you, Lieutenant General?” He smiled. “My days are not over. This is my army, Your Majesty. My men. Not Your Majesty’s problem. I’ll see Your Majesty at the Fort!”. Before he left, he ordered “a hundred and fifty riders” to escort us north. After this, he trotted southwards, hornman blasting the horn for regrouping.

Just after night fell, which could mean the mid-afternoon further south, we arrived at the southern entrance to Fort Wei-Hung. Our small group of bodyguards was quite distinctive -thank you scouts- and was let in. The sign was fresh, and stated that this structure was built...a year ago. Colonel Tang welcomed us with his personal retinue of fur-laden men, a different group than south of the Xiongnu Wall. He kowtowed, they kowtowed, Wuhan collapsed from exhaustion. We helped him to a bed, then I went to speak to the rest of my bodyguards. Nan earned many hair pets, I offered Suki a hug, and the rest of my Warriors got together for a group hug. One by one, I made sure each one got tucked in, had provisions equally sorted out, then went to my private chambers where Suki and I would be staying. 

We returned to our room only to find Ty Lee reclining on  _ my  _ bed.  _ Of course she would be.  _ “Can you... _ not _ ?” I asked the happy-faced acrobat. “After growing up with my sisters, I  _ like  _ having my own room.” Curious, I wondered. “How many sisters did you have?” She sat up, her braid whirled around and slapped me in the face, and replied “Six.”  _ By the blood of Kyoshi. Six more Ty Lees?  _

“SEVEN TY LEES?” 

“That’s right!”

“Right, right, of course.”

I stumbled and ate a pillow soon after.

That concludes the day’s travels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we take a tour and make preparations for the rest of the campaign.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for people *not* IN THE FIR TREES!:  
> -Most people reading this likely have Google Maps or one of it's kin. If you grew up with paper maps, like me, then the first couple paragraphs are an homage to the days of paper maps and map books.  
> -If you didn't grow up with paper map books, then allow me to explain the inspiration behind the first few paragraphs:  
> -There are many kinds of maps, made for many different purposes. Let's use the Appalachian Mountains (any mountain range from the Rockies to the Pyrenees to the Alps would do): World maps treat the Appalachian like it's a single line. Of course, massive world maps can be forgiven for needing to include the rest of the world. Then there are 'better' world maps that add in the major roads. The highways. Continental map books will include the highways and some bumps to let you know it's elevated. Only when you get to the state map books will you get a semi-accurate idea of what the terrain is like, through the use of topographical lines. The best you can get from state map books is road numbers, crossroads, and dots for villages. Local maps can tell you the name of every single peak and valley and river and pond.   
> -Even then, no map can possibly prepare you for what driving through a steep mountain valley will look like.   
> -The Qiki Isles are east of the Southern Water Tribe's continent.  
> -Sangria Island is the easternmost of the main/large Southern Air Temple Islands.  
> -Baingoin Island is one of the largest islands in the SAT island chain.  
> -Yes, Wuhan repeats the information from the previous chapter for clarification's purposes. It's one thing to be told it while looking at a map, it's another thing to be on the ground marching through these lands.  
> -If you think I'm going to explain all the auras, I'm not. Pink is...bubbly? Optimistic? Airheaded? I don't know. Red is to do with love. Dark red's carnal desires (or, oogies).   
> -Imperial Armor is handed out to the Imperial Metalbending Guard for a reason. It's heavy, you can't swim in it, but it's nearly impervious unless you encounter a man with a hammer, mace, or good with a crossbow.  
> -Cavalry charges work against unbraced loose formation enemies, like daofei. They don't work against a mob of mercenaries, except in a flanking move (like what Ling tried to do at first).


	55. Fort Wei-Hung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a tour of the edge of civilization.  
> ...It's quite pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos, duckseamail!

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty One:

Standing on the top of the extensive earthen rampart that was the northern wall of Fort Wei-Hung, I looked out over Lake Haidian. The dawn approached, and whereas further south that is marked by the clouds or the rise-to-action of the birds, here, a pinkish glow illuminated the peaks of the Southwest Yancunese Mountains. Before an Earth King of old chose to name it after his favorite part of the Upper Ring, it was named Hudan for the mirror-like qualities. Further north, the mountains tighten in a vice-like hold upon the Beishan Valley. Here, it is still easily a half-a-day ostrich horse ride across the width. The maps would give the impression that between one side of the Valley and another, it is just plains country. It could influence a general to deploy a force of riders on a wide sweeping movement. Such is misleading. The spike-like peaks of the eastern side of this range ascend to the clouds, sure, but the rest of the Valley consists of rolling hills and expanses of softwood, northern,  _ hardy _ , forest. None of these hills are high enough to eclipse the Peaks, even the nearest one to the Fort, so called the Scout’s Rest, which sits a two to four  _ fen  _ ostrich horse gallop from us. The land around the Fort has been cleared of all nature out to a reasonable distance, the length of a well-aimed crossbow bolt. Beyond such, the white cones of snow-blasted conifers hide away the forest floor. Only in the early morning, when the Sun rises from such a low angle, will beams of light find their way into the forest. Up here, the forests have no such concept as maintenance. The ‘forests’ of the Upper Ring were, even if at present appear real, planned. A noble who  _ could  _ afford  _ did _ afford. Here, we find no such variety of temperate leaves and their changing colors. No jasmine, plum or cherry blossoms. No pinks. Just greens, or now, whites. Evergreens all year. 

The chilly air, wafting off the Lake, flowing like a calm river from further north, in turn coming from tempests out in the North Sea, hung about, biting into myself and my fur clothes. By no means was I afraid of such cold. Far from it, part of me felt at home with it. It was an early morning chill that was too cold to fall asleep in, but too warm to freeze to death. I thought of how this was similar to a chill I’d experience before dawn back home.  _ Home. The opposite side of the continent. My new home’s closer, but is it? A mountain range the size of a titular province separates us. No wonder the Air Nomads found homes to our east. It’s so much… of this.  _

The wind was so lacking that the water could retain it’s old name. I looked at my own breaths. I put my hands on the ramparts . It was quiet enough that I could hear my own heartbeat. The sentries weren’t walking around, they had posts and they were at their posts. If they were even alive. The dawn rays neared. A pair of feet loudly clopped their way up the wood-on-stone stairs. There was only one named person I knew who was both here garrisoned with us at this fort, and in possession of such hard stomping feet. 

“Captain Wuhan, a good morning to you.” I offered him a bow. I feared speaking at a high volume for, save a few sentries, the entire fortification -as small as it was- was likely still asleep. And part of me did not want to disturb the ironic idyllicness that came with looking at such calm waters. He happened to be holding a plate with some smoked meat on it, and was picking them off one-by-one. “All the Pangou, Majia and Si Gou call this ‘the Door.’ Does it strike Your Majesty as a door?” I gave the lake a long look. It did not go north forever, it appeared to thin out and...somewhere out there, it disappeared behind a forest. “No, it does not look like a door, Captain.” He pointed down the lake, “Out there, the Door becomes a small creek, that creek a lake again, that lake a creek, that creek a stream, and that stream finds itself at the border of the Si Gou lands. Therefore, to all north of us, Your Majesty, this is a door.” And he took a piece of this smoked meat and crunched it into bits. 

_ What’s your point? We’re standing next to a door? We’re at a door? We’re…no...that’s not the perspective you want us to see. Of course, to the Northerners,  _ “We’re encroaching upon a door...like invaders.” “To us, that’s what we see, that’s right, Your Majesty. Though I have learned that many Southerners are good people, and the Empire provides security that no chieftain ever could, the Tribes do not think that.”  _ Of course they don’t. We’ve been on-and-off fighting them for a long, long, time _ .  _ Was there ever a time locals from Lan Shan weren’t fighting Beishaners?  _

More footsteps distracted me, these ones light and delicate, and I turned around to find Suki and Ty Lee, such a wonderful bedmate,  _ that was sarcasm, I don’t, ever, want to be woken up in the middle of the night by her explaining all the different auras to Suki...anyways _ . The two of them walked into the main courtyard and began their morning practice. Just as back home, they start with stretches. 

My attention returned northwards, the rays of sunlight had reached the nearer northwestern banks of the body of water -banks where I could see into the undergrowth- and were working their way towards us. We were only some ten or fifteen feet above the ground, for this fortification was at the far end of the world. This was no fortress, it didn’t even deserve the title of ‘Fort’. It was an outpost at best, and a place for a bunch of, as the Captain said previously, “Does Your Majesty see those sentries? They’re freezing to death” at worst. A fort manned by southerners who can’t handle the snows. Who knows what it’s like for them to sustain a blizzard here.  _ They probably can’t _ . 

I looked up at the mountains,  _ trying  _ to look for some kind of movement. A few dots, a raven-eagle, some small unidentifiable birds, that was all the movement an entire mountain had produced during the two or three  _ fen  _ of silent watching. “Captain, those mountains…they’re dead.” He put his food down and pointed at the nearest one. “They’re far from dead-” then he finished chewing and swallowed, “-Your Majesty. I would bet ten gold pieces there’s a couple Yancun watching us as we stand here and eat.”  _ Wait… _ When I realized it, as obvious as it was, it sent a shiver down my spine. “We’re being watched? So we’re going to be ambushed? Because if so, we need…” but I silenced myself. “Do you want to scare all the soldiers here? They’re already freezing, they’d just become petrified wood.”  _ I...do I?  _ “But you know...in the Empire, we scout on these things, we prepare, we…” He politely interjected, his voice much more rough than usual. “This is not the Empire, Your Majesty. This is the North. And in the North, hunters watch everything. I’d much rather be down here by the lake than scouring those slopes.” and he gestured to said slopes. The sun rays just,  _ just _ touched the green plume atop his helmet. “Captain, wasn’t our original objective to head north,  _ that  _ kind of north-” and I pointed at the far-end of the lake, “-to find your family?” He nodded. “We must depart for the north if we wish to arrive before the solstice.” He looked up at the Sun, I turned around and joined him as we were both touched by the first rays of the morning. Rays from the southeast. “How soon is soon?” I pondered out loud.  _ Kind of stupid to say it like that, but alas _ . “As soon as Your Majesty wishes, but before tomorrow night.” I would ask how he knew the times and the distances but he was who he was, and this was his homeland. There is no better man to ask than possibly the Imperial Tutor, if he was bothered to reveal it. So Captain Wuhan it is. 

I left the Captain to a moment of prayer and walked down the creaking wood-on-stone stairs. I was going to pay the Colonel a visit and inquire about the matters of yesterday’s disastrous ambush, a matter that harassed me much of the night. With a force of ten thousand, it should be nearly impossible to be  _ routed.  _ And yet that’s what appeared to have occured. A tidal wave of men fell upon us, first from the east, second from the west, and were only partially removed by the force of Ling’s charge. This is not to say that ambushes are to be taken lightly, the entire principle implies a hasted collapse of the ambush victim’s morale and it is by that quick jab -like a  _ jian  _ strike- that the aggressor is able to roll up the defender’s lines. Except riders aren’t infantry. Riders have mobility. Riders  _ shouldn’t  _ have the problem of being ‘trapped’. Ling’s personal bodyguard, what?,  _ vanished _ , then came back to us when we were already surrounded. And not everyone had the privilege of an elite bodyguard force of Kyoshi Warriors or a man with a flaming blade.  _ Where were our scouts? Why didn’t the Sentinels prepare for this? Do they lack perception? _

Speaking of perception, Captain Suki spotted me, got out of a front stance, and gave a formal bow to me. She didn’t need to, she’s my cousin, but the Empire prefers we all treat one another with respect. Ty Lee also spotted me, got out of her stance and also bowed to me. I could tell by Suki’s eyes, encircled by a red mask like a performer, that she could tell that my one good eye was _not_ happy. There’s not that much that can _formally_ upset me. Instead of being ‘courteous’ and leaving my scowl to myself, she softly asked “Are you going to go ask the Colonel what happened?” I looked at her, then at Ty Lee, then at the main structure in the courtyard, then back at her. “I am.” She stuck the fans she was practicing with into her waistband, “Do you need backup?” I gave two long “Ha!” chuckles. “No, but Lieutenant General Ling-Li _will_.” 

Fort Wei-Hung is as small as the pride of its namesake was large. Few Magistrates, officers, or Generals dared to counter the neverending plight that was the Fire Nation, but the Fifty-First Earth King tried. His reign will go down in history as being full of disastrous battles and poor tactical handling. And sure, he never commanded anything more than a band of teenage handmaidens and most of  _ that  _ goes to the Council of Five and the Grand Secretariats, but to the credit where it’s due, the Kingdom stuck on. And the credit is due to the Council of Five and the Grand Secretariat. The Fort gets the title of Fort and not ‘Outpost’ because to its south-southeast sits a small village. Also because ‘Fort’ sounds more imposing and impressive than ‘Tied together palisade’. Between the Fort and the village, the Fort has four buildings and all four are protruding in from the walls and the village of Haidian has about thirty with it’s own small town center and four-story temple spire. Above a doorway to the building that extends in from the northern wall, hangs a sign, “Garrison Officer’s Office.” I opened the door with a loud  _ squeak  _ and found the Colonel sitting next to his desk, looking at a wall-mounted map. He spun to face me and immediately fell into a kowtow. “A good morning to Your Majesty! How many I serve you?” Colonel Tang stated, humble,  _ scared _ . 

I walked up to the table and put my hands on the desk, pattering it with a casual fist jab, like an impatient child with nothing to do. “I’m...looking for Lieutenant General Ling-Li. I want answers.” He got up from his act of humility and passed me and went to his desk. There, he sat down and gave me an open palm, “Is there anything Your Majesty needs,  _ first _ ?”  _ First?  _ I looked at him, looked  _ past  _ him, turned around and looked at the doorway, and ignored his question. “Aren’t we expecting someone?” I asked, looking away from him. “The Lieutenant General sent me a messenger hawk informing me that he’s...unable to come, Your Majesty. The  _ daofei  _ harassed his approach.” Before I could ask ‘what’ or ‘why’ or ‘why wasn’t I told this?’ he said “The mercenaries hold the road but are ‘afraid’ of travelling south or north.”  _ I’m sorry, what? What?  _

“Why wasn’t I told this?” and I brought my fist down on the table.  _ Slam _ . His chair squeaked like a dying animal as it tried to flee. “Your Majesty, there’s a couple  _ thousand  _ of them! There’s thousands of them!”  _ Oh really?  _ “And there’s a couple thousand of our Sentinels, right?” He gave me a questioned glance, the kind that a man gives a bowhunter who forgot how to draw his bow. I rephrased. “Are there... _ not  _ thousands of Sentinels?” He gave a sad nod. A  _ sad  _ nod. As in, his cheeks looked sad and his eyes distraught. His topknot was about the only thing presentable left in him, being fashioned by a simple tie. I quieted the fire that swelled in my chest at the thought of  _ whatever happened _ , and cut right to the hunt. “What happened last night?” and I drew his attention to my  _ jian  _ hilt as I rested my hand on it. 

He misinterpreted this resting action and his face grew pale. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty! I’m sorry! I didn’t know until this morning! The Sentinels...a few of them...broke their vows. And...and they fled. They fled...and they fled south.” _What? They broke their vows?_ I looked at him, now my hand-on-hilt had a completely different connotation and _not for him_. “I thought Ling was a famed commander? Why did his men flee?” and I answered my own question in my head. _Because they’re daofei and that’s what daofei do_. Before he could say something, probably give a more formal flowery version of what I just said, I cut to the hunt. “It doesn’t matter. What’s his status? Why aren’t we relieving him?” I had other questions in my head but I knew he couldn’t answer them. _What about the Wall? Will they also break?_ We were cut off by the cries of a bird-of-prey, of a predatory raptor. Too high-pitched to be an eagle-raven. _A hawk_. “Lee-Aiwei, the messenger hawk!” and someone ran across the creaking wood.. The bird shrieked. I counted thirty three _miao_ until Lee-Aiwei yelled “A message from Lieutenant General Tian!” 

Tang looked at me, I don’t know why, before turning to the doorway and counter-shouting “Of Gaolan?” “Yes, Colonel!” and the attending soldier came walking out bearing a scroll in hand. He saw me and kowtowed so hard he dropped his scroll, mumbled his way through a “Your Majesty”, I waved him up, and he sloppily handed the scroll to the Colonel. I sat there, resisting the urge to tap the desk due to politeness. The Colonel’s face lightened as his eyes ran back and forth, before he yelled out a cheer of “Thank Her Imperial Majesty! Ten Thousand Years!” and a fist-punch to the air. _Thank Toph? For what? Did she hear about this? Is this a metaphor? Will you stop being vague?_ Not sorry for destroying his moment of happiness, “What happened? Will you stop being vague?” His cheering subsided, but I could still clearly hear the elation in his voice. “Lieutenant General Tian is bringing a relief force of fifty thousand up from Gaolan.” _Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait._ That name ran through my head. “Tian...like...Tian of the Line of Yuan?” Tang’s bearded smile was something to appreciate. “That Tian. The Protector of the Plains, Tian.” _Oh._

The Line of Yuan stretches back hundreds of years. By some fortunate gambling, a little bit of seduction, a lot of nepotism, and even some competence, the Yuan have made themselves a famed line of nobility. They were ministers, they were Generals, they’ve even married the daughters of past Earth Kings. To be compared to a Yuan is considered an honor especially for those from their homeland of Gaolan. And it is not without  _ some  _ justification, even if most of it is propaganda. The Yuan have produced some famed Generals. Each generation, a son or two or five of the Yuan find themselves in the Royal Army and through competence,  _ I’m sure it’s competence and not nepotism _ , all one, or two, or five, find themselves as high-ranked officers. Tian distinguished himself in the follow-up to the Second Siege, encircling and destroying entire regiments of fleeing Fire Nation soldiers. He then marched on the Sikousi Peninsula with a fresh force and killed the highest ranked human he could find, some fellow named Zetsu, a very-recently promoted General.  _ I heard the Fire Nation was quite willing to promote people, considering their main offensive was absolutely smashed _ . For reclaiming Gaolan and opening the way for further Imperial Army movements, he was rewarded by the Imperial Court, the ever-wise and not-bribed-at-all Imperial Court, with the rank of Lieutenant General and assigned by the Council of Five to become the new Protector of Gaolan. 

His superiors kept and keept switching. At the beginning of his tenure, he was under General How and reclaimed all of Gaolan from the Fire Nation. During the Yu Dao Campaign, he fell under General Song and was ordered to press southwest and take Sunjia, Xiwa and the rest of Sikousi back from the Fire Nation. And he did. During the Colonial Pacification Campaign, General Fong took control of him. As Fong wanted to save all the  _ big  _ cities for his  _ giant warhammer _ , he gave Tian the humble job of capturing the Fire Nation Colony of Senlin,  _ no, not Xisenlin, just plain Senlin _ , namely it’s capital of Bieshu. Whether Fong was drunk or not when he assigned that order is unknown, but Tian didn’t like the idea of taking  _ one  _ town so he marched on Hong Chen, or for those familiar with the Hundred Year War, the town south of the Azure Docks. And now, he’s under...Song? Fong? I don’t know. There’s supposed to be some kind of reform over who-controls-what but...welcome to the Empire. At least someone will have a fancy  _ siheyuan  _ to go home to. That’s what really matters. 

Except...as great as Lieutenant General Tian is, or could be, there’s this...distance problem. “Colonel, he’s on the other side of a giant lake. It’ll take him-” I briefly paused to consider travel time, “-two weeks to muster all those troops and take the rail lines to us. That’s not counting a ride up here.” “A rider can get from the Xiongnu Wall to Fort Wei-Hung in a half day’s gallop.”  _ Right, sure _ . “No mount can gallop for half a day. Let’s say three weeks, total.” The Colonel forcibly conceded, realizing I wasn’t about to be swayed by nonsense. “We have to fortify this fort. We have to sustain ourselves for the next three weeks.” “Yes, Your Majesty” he replied in a defeated tone. 

I examined the room. The brown flag of the Sentinels hung on his back wall, the coin a faded hue. This reminded me of the Sentinels, or, the discussion we were having before our fortunate unfortunate interruption. I looked him in his right eye, since it’s easier to stare at that one, and asked “How many are ‘a few’, Colonel? How many deserted?” “It’s...a few...Your Majesty.” I thought the stutter in his voice was annoying, especially because it was accompanied by  _ a lack of information _ . I stood up with a quick motion, sent my chair falling backwards, and put my hand on my hilt.  _ Do we have to solve this the blade way?  _ I didn’t think so, but he doesn’t know what I’m thinking. 

“Colonel, I haven’t killed a traitor to the Empire yet today. My Empress likes high-ranked targets. So...how many men deserted?” and something about how I said that, maybe it was the standing, maybe the lantern behind me casting my tall shadow on him like the Spirit of Death, maybe my calm demeanour, maybe it was my scabbard of green and  _ white _ , Death’s favorite color, I do not know. I do know he fell out of his chair and kowtowed. His voice broke as he cried “Se… se… seven th… th… thousand, Your Majesty!...”  _ Seven thousand, eh? That’s a small number.  _ “...Seven thousand less men to fight for us, Your Majesty-” he pleaded. I interrupted him. 

“Fewer, Colonel.” He raised an eyebrow. “Fewer?”  _ Must I repeat myself?  _ “Seven thousand  _ fewer  _ mouths to feed. Turn-cloaks are no loss to us. Better now than later.” His voice was still as broken as,  _ well here’s a relevant one _ , a chair that fell over and had it’s backrest snapped apart, when he exclaimed “But...Your Majesty… that’s seven thousand men for the mercenaries. For the Xinjiagou.” I don’t know if the Spirit of Death can break into laughter, but the One-Eyed Badgermole can. And I did. I leaned back and looked up, the signal of amusement, and laughed “The words you just let flow from your mouth are the  _ stupidest  _ things I’ve heard someone say today,” which I then followed up by laughing. His scared expression only got worse since “But… Your Majesty… those were trained men!” Correction,  _ that’s  _ the stupidest thing I’ve heard today. I had to find something that wasn’t as funny to look at, so I thought of Ty Lee’s ‘you look cute’ comments that bordered on outright insubordination, and returned to my more formal  _ and also mad _ voice. 

I paced back and forth, my footfalls would’ve broken the stone flooring had I been gifted with the power. “I know the officers of the Empire  _ love  _ to tell me how great they are and it’s one of my favorite parts of leading armies. Truly. The officers of Yahazhen all professed that their trained forces were going to absolutely hammer  _ the _ Dong at  _ the  _ Gong Basili. If the price of upkeep defines quality, Lieutenant General Xie’s Nanshi Division was the best in Ba Sing Se, if not the entire Empire. Tell me-” I stopped to look him in his cowering face, “-what makes an army of  _ daofei  _ more reliable than an army of volunteers?” I continued pacing. “Tell me, what makes an army of lightly armored and lightly armed  _ daofei  _ better than trained crossbows. Tell me, what makes an army of foot soldiers better than squadrons of tanks or aircraft? Tell me, if the Nonchang Division’s aircraft could be shot out of the sky with  _ stones  _ or even better, even better,  _ crash into themselves! _ , then why do you suspect  _ daofei  _ to perform well?” and I walked around the table and looked down at the cowering veteran who’s scar looked much much smaller from up here. “Tell me,  _ Colonel _ ,  _ what did you expect? _ ” His really stupid defense couldn’t hold forever. “I...we trained them, Your Majesty!”  _ Stop kowtowing, it only makes you look like a fool _ . “So? I knew they were going to break.” He looked up at me, for a flash of a  _ miao  _ he was angry, but that anger was replaced with a child looking up at an elder with shock. “How?” I might’ve laughed if this was any more idiotic. “They’re  _ daofei _ . Why do you think I sat at the vanguard?” and I crossed my arms. “Those seven thousand...even if every single one joined the mercenaries, winter is still here. In the words of Her Imperial Majesty’s Captain of the Imperial Metalbending Guard, ‘they’re a bunch of Southerners, they’ll freeze.’ And even if they weren’t, have you ever fought  _ daofei _ , Colonel?” But I wasn’t going to let him speak. I was proving a point. “ _ Daofei  _ run as soon as they’ve lost. They’re not idiots and they’re not compelled into fighting and they want to  _ live  _ to continue their criminal enterprises, not die in a ditch somewhere!” and I grabbed him and pulled him out of his mindless kowtow. Once he relearned how to walk, he, with a voice shattered like glass, said “Your Majesty...that’s still seven thousand people.”  _ So? _ “And how many do we have here?” He gulped. “About a thousand Sentinels. These ones are...volunteers.”  _ One question, then _ . “And a couple thousand mercenaries surround Ling?” He nodded. “That’s...right, Your Majesty.” I walked to the door. “Empty the fort.” “Your… Majesty?” his voice broke like a bottle smashing a rock. “I will relieve those forces where you failed,  _ Colonel _ . Give me a thousand, or a hundred, or ten. It will be done.” 

I walked into the Fort’s courtyard. The Kyoshi Warriors were out in force and collectively noticed my arrival, getting out of their ostrich-horse stances to offer formal greetings to me. Suki walked over. “How did the meeting go?”  _ “Productive _ ” and I turned around just in time to hear a horn blast and the door open with that one attendant from earlier running out, past me and past Suki and into the middle of the courtyard. He yelled out a mustering call. Suki blinked, blinked again, spun towards me and “Wait...what’s going on here?” 

I chose to be honest. “I ordered all the men be mustered. We’re going to march south to relieve Lieutenant General Ling-Li’s men. He’s bleeding men and it’s our job to relieve him.” The Kyoshi Warriors had a variety of expressions. Some were surprised, some were anticipating and or looked excited and one went “I...I’m too tired for...” but Suki turned around and produced the face and gesturing hand of someone about to go on a Toph-level ear-blistering rant, but I grabbed her hand and put it to her side.  _ Inspiring speech time _ . I took my vocal capacity and used a very small portion of them. “Kyoshi Warriors! Any of you who do not want to come do not have to! A tired man is no good in a fight. I will ride alone if I must!” and I drew my meteorite blade with a nice, crisp,  _ swish _ . “Each of you fights with the power of a hundred. A platoon of you can fight with the strength of double  _ all  _ the trapped men.” but I was cut off by a loud  _ crash  _ as Wuhan hopped off the wall and stuck the landing, a few feet to my other side. Before I could continue from  _ that  _ a few men dragged out ostrich horses from somewhere outside, “For Your Majesty!” announced one. “Your Majesty, what’s going on here?” Wuhan started off humble in tone but soon became the  _ Captain  _ of the Imperial Guard. “I’m going to go relieve Lieutenant General Ling-Li, Captain.” His eyebrows rose in what  _ could  _ be counted as disobedience. He, still with his Northerner tone, asked “may I request a  _ fen  _ to talk, Your Majesty?” I couldn’t see a problem with this, just as I couldn’t see distance, and followed him over to the private room in one of the four buildings that Suki, Ty Lee, and I slept in last night. 

_By the way,_ _Ty Lee is such a great bedmate, why must you have strange delusions of me being...well… me. I never would’ve thought that a deluded woman by day is so...flirtatious...by night. I mean it should’ve been obvious, she’s Ty Lee. But she’s also a Kyoshi Warrior. Wait, that doesn’t matter, Suki, Aoma, the Koko twins, Kyoshi herself, they’re all Kyoshi Warriors. Thank you Sukes for reprimanding her and assisting in reminding her of who I am the Consort for, again. And yes I know most of that was dreaming by her part but who wouldn’t freak out hearing such… strange… desires… Again. Thank you Sukes. You’re the best around. Thank you._

He closed the door, leaving us in darkness. “Your Majesty...remember what I said earlier about the hunter’s eyes?” My mind was elsewhere. “Something about my wonderful auburn hair?” I heard a man furiously shake his head like he was losing his mind. “Wha- No. No. The Yancun who are more than likely stalking the mountains to our west. If we abandon the fort, they’ll take it.” “But the Tribesmen are-”  _ maybe I should be quiet and stop yelling _ “-much...better fighters than our Sentinels.” “Shh! The Tribes don’t know that. They see armor and iron weapons and they’ve got bone weapons.”  _ Okay okay I get it, we’re not all hives of information and people have to scout for knowledge so if they have misperceptions about peoples or groups those misperceptions will stick. One miao, I have to blame my lack of knowledge on some minor ethnic group. ‘Cause it’s their fault, right? They’re worshipping the rising Moon or something like that. _ Back to reality, “So you suggest I take a hundred men instead?” Less Captain-y, more casual “Yes, Your Majesty. Then we can cut through part of their formation.”  _ Alright then.  _ I opened the door and  _ ahh!  _ “Suki! Why… are you standing right  _ here _ ?” She grinned, “I was just making sure you were alright. Oh, and to listen in on your conversation.”  _ Thank you for being honest.  _ “And…” I said ‘and’ because I expected her to have some opinion on the matter. “Give me a hundred fighters-” “-and one Ty Lee!” At the loud mention of her name, the acrobat hopped over. “What about me?” she asked as she spoke to us while handstanding.  _ Door’s getting a bit crowded.  _ “I take it our plan is to break through the encirclement, right?” and the two of us nodded to Suki’s question. “There’s no better chi-blocker out there.”  _ I’m sorry, were you planning all this in the past not-even-a-fen we spent talking?  _ Surprisingly, it was Wuhan and not my inner-turned-outer thoughts who asked “Were…you planning this?” She smiled while Ty Lee got off her hands. “I plan for every situation and contingency that I can, Captain.”  _ Right. Right. Of course. Kyoshi Warrior training. If it exists, plan for it and every single way it could go wrong. Plan every security breach and every scenario and have a backup. Even if you’re going to the shower. Plan, rehearse, plan, don’t ‘hope’ they aren’t used, ensure that they aren’t and if they must be then use them. Got it _ . I left the private room and declared to the now-emerging Colonel Tang “Give me a hundred.”

My blue armor acted as a beacon for the hundred men, one platoon of Kyoshi Warriors, one Nan and a Wuhan - _ a  _ Wuhan because there’s only one- to follow. Having a hundred men as opposed to, let’s say, a thousand, made commanding much easier. I point my hand somewhere, everyone goes wherever I point. The converse is that “there’s only a hundred men here, Your Majesty, how will we break through a thick line of men?” Colonel Akisada -who, because he ran out of Fire Whiskey, swore to follow me ‘until I get my next drop’- aptly pointed out. With only a hundred men, we  _ shouldn’t _ , by all military manuals, deploy a four man scouting party. So I didn’t. “Suki, take three girls and go scout.” “On it, Koko Twins, Kikyo, let’s go!” and she rode off. Why them? Aside from the semantics-based ‘I’m not using a four man scout party’ the four of them aren’t going to fail so  _ easily _ . They might fail, emphasis on needing to lubricate them with Clear Whiskey like one would lubricate a truck’s parts, but they’d do a better job of failing, or succeeding, than anyone else I can think of. At present. Toph can stomp the ground and do the same thing.  _ No wonder all fights that involve her are always going to be easy. She makes it easy _ . Nonetheless, we rode south. The Sun sat in the southeastern sky, tucked away behind a thin layer of clouds most of the time, and it’s rays illuminated parts of the forest we were riding between. Songbirds whose calls I’ve never heard crossed the Royal road, diving into the canopy as quickly as they emerged. Aside from that, all that could be heard were the ostrich horses’ foot stomps and the occasional person’s side-comment about the weather - ‘it’s cold’-, the circumstances, -’there’s a few of us against a lot of them’-, a joke - ‘you think Lee signed up for this?,’ ‘yes, yes he did’- and even prayers towards the many different Spirits these far-flung Sentinels venerated. A full  _ dian  _ later, Suki and her band returned, none appearing hurt or even tired.  _ I guess you all found some Clear Whiskey.  _

Suki explained the situation as such while I took off my helmet and held it,  _ I need air sometimes _ . “A small south-facing barricade of wooden stakes has been constructed at a natural choke point. A pond on either side of the road. From that barricade, heading south past the ponds, the Lieutenant General and his men are surrounded by an improvised earth wall mound. I don’t know their status but there were no guards on the walls. The rest of his army is cut off by a double-sided blockade further down the road.”  _ Thank you, as always, Sukes _ . “Your thoughts on his situation? I trust your eyes better than I trust anyone’s”. She couldn’t hide the smile from such a compliment. “If I had to guess, his men are scared of relieving him and he lacks the resources to break out on his own. If he looked north, he’d see a wall of spikes. If he looked south, he’d see a wall of spikes. And we all learned the dangers the woods hide...” Wuhan jumped in, interrupting, before I could propose something, “Are his men encircled or not?” and the three Warriors that were with her shook their heads. 

“No, they’re not encircled. There’s a sentry every hundred feet in the woods but there’s a couple hundred mercenaries at the northernmost blockade, a thousand at the middle one, and Kyoshi-knows-how-many south of that.”  _ Wait. A couple hundred?  _ This sparked a follow-up question of mine. “Where are they sleeping? How? A couple hundred people can’t fit on one road.” It’s not that I didn’t believe her. I did. I just wanted to know as much as I could about what I was about to engage in. “There’s a hundred tents north of the south-facing palisade, most congregated on the road, some outliers in the woods.”  _ Not that I’m going to judge, but is there anything you’re not the best at Suki? Yes, I will judge. Nothing. Wait, inner thoughts, stop being distracting, we’ve got to kill people!  _ There we go. “Suggestion, Captains?” I asked, looking at Suki then Wuhan then Nan for no reason other than his howling was adorable.  _ Who has the best howling? You do, Nan _ .

“We form a wedge and break through the barricade.” Akisada stated, punching the air in front of him and sending a small fireball past the rest of us.  _ You’re not a captain, Colonel _ . Suki and Wuhan glared at him. “What? I miss being a Captain. Xiaobo had the best tavern on that side of Makapu! The Drunk Dragon in  Lanshan-Hu knew their Lushan Ale.” As that sentence went on I understood less and less of it. I’m glad Suki and Wuhan did, though. “Your Majesty, I’d advise out-encircling them.” For a moment, I thought he was crazy. Then Suki reassured me despite not knowing that she was supposed to. “That would work. Make our line four men deep and we could wrap around their flanks with ease!” I looked at her because I lacked whatever she knew inside her head. “Their flanks are that weak? That’s...but why are their flanks that weak? One of the first rules of commanding an army, flanks. Flanks. Flanks!” and I pointed at the forest. Wuhan tossed his gruff two copper pieces in. “Your Majesty, Ling’s forces yesterday lacked any scouts, why would they expect intelligence where there is none? No… No offense meant.” He was right. Ling failed hard yesterday and it almost got my bodyguards killed. In a momentary decision, I turned to Colonel Akisada who was the commander of the non-Kyoshi Warrior retinue and issued commands. “Order men to form a flying wedge, we’ll break off at first sight of the defenses!” The Colonel twisted his head slightly, “and...I take it Your Majesty will take a supervisory role?” I put my helmet back on. “No, I’m going to lead the charge.” “Your...Majesty?” he asked, worried. “I’ll take that barricade.” and the Kyoshi Warriors cheered. And Nan howled. I snapped the reins and we set off. 

It was a  _ fen  _ short of a  _ dian  _ later that we spotted their defensive emplacement after making a small right turn on the road.  _ You didn’t mention this… _ It was alright. I finally realized the strategic brilliance of the defensive position. The barricade was in the middle of, judging by the paved road and how the two ponds were the same width, an earthen dam. Earth tents ran back down the length of the dam. They looked more like bogs what-with the brownish stagnant water and grasses growing on tiny estuary-like islands.  _ Wait... _ now wasn’t the time for exposition on whether this was a stream-fed pond or just one of the many ponds that dot such subpolar climates. “We...we’ll have to go wide, Your Majesty” Akisada pointed out, no need for pointing  _ but he did it anyway _ . “Suki, take the left wing. Wuhan, the right. Akisada, you’re in the center with me. Ride around and ride well. Charge at my signal.” The three nodded and took to the flanks. I stirred my ostrich horse forward slowly, as quietly as possible. To my left and right, the riders were trampling their way through the underbrush and ignoring all rules of being quiet.  _ I also didn’t tell them to be quiet _ . I was five hundred feet from the nearest tent when I made that wonderful unsheathing sound, you know, the sound that’s like a dinner horn except  _ it’s the one, the only, One-Eyed Badgermole time _ . The two dozen people in my detachment knew what was next. They lowered their lances. Akisada took out his  _ dao _ and held it up to the Sun, “You praying to Agni?” He froze. “Yes… Your Majesty. How did you know?” I offered a single quiet laugh. “I find Agni to be quite benevolent.” “Agni protect us!” and he looked Sunward. “Why does Your Majesty-” but I cut him off before he could ask  _ why  _ I knew about Agni.

“Ten Thousand Years!” I screamed in my best loud tone, pointing my blade at the encampment. “Ten Thousand Years!” the men behind me chanted. I felt my veins pulse and throb, begging for blood like a poor man begging for water. I kicked my ostrich horse forward, shouted “Nan, get in there!” and he howled as he  _ sprinted  _ forward, crossing the distance with ease before jumping up and tearing the nearest sentry’s arm off in a single pass. Akisada brought his blade down in a swing and flung a stream of fire, like one would fling water out of a bucket, down the left corridor. They fling water to douse fires, he flung fire to douse humans. As we closed the distance, the men behind me, in eerie sync, recited their Sentinel Oath. The shorter one. “Every Sentinel is my family, and my family is every Sentinel!” 

Those mercenaries didn’t know what hit them. 

A better General may stop his ostrich horse to try and keep an overview of the battlefield. A better warrior would let someone  _ else  _ lead the charge for fear of taking an arrow to the face. A smarter person would  _ not  _ charge a heavily defended encampment. Well it’s a good thing those three weren’t here so  _ I  _ got to run the show. Because my black blade found its mark in the head of a man in his night robe, half-asleep emerging from his tent. The lancers behind me impaled anyone stupid enough to hear a cry of ‘Ten Thousand Years’ and  _ leave  _ their tents. The men on the south-facing palisade? Someone either didn’t see or neglected to mention their  _ bows _ . 

When the sounds of combat began, the swords cleaved heads and the spears went through necs,  _ who  _ did they turn and notice first? Was it Lee, the green-tunic wearing nobody? No, because this isn’t a Pu-On Tim play where all the guards die first and the hero survives all the nonsense. No, no, they noticed  _ me  _ and I didn’t return the glance because I was busy blocking a spearman’s thrust before sticking my blade into his head. It happened to be that most of those archers were terrible shots because my ostrich horse took four, or five, and I took one to the thigh. I would’ve commented on why that was terrible, but the arrow bounced off the leg armor. Thank the Spirits, my ostrich horse  _ died  _ and I fell off him and headbutted a man in the head. My head’s made of metal and his was made of puny flesh. 

After ensuring he learned how to eat -a blade- properly, I found myself in the middle of what can only be described as a lance-and-pass. Riders were coming through lancing anything with two legs, Nan must’ve been following my scent -thank you ‘protective layer of earth’- and Akisada was trying to see how many men he could cut in half  _ while  _ setting on fire. He’s up to two at a time with horizontal slices. Two men emerged from the nearest tarp-covered tent, shirtless but wearing sarashi, one holding a knife and the other a cleaver. I was going to take a  _ safe  _ bet and assume that they were not the best equipped ones. The knife-man tried to do the downward stab routine, I chopped  _ up  _ with my  _ jian  _ and hacked his knife-hand off. The cleaver came in at weird angle strikes. Weird for a cleaver. Normal for an axe. I blocked the cooking implement before throwing him off and  _ stab _ , the butcher got butchered. Nicely butchered. The handless man was screaming as he  _ punched  _ me in the chest, breaking his other hand on my metal. He pulled his hand back and shook it, screaming in agony. “Surrender?” I offered. “Ow!”  _ That’s a great case.  _ Nan bit into his leg and pulled him down to the ground,  _ thank you Nan _ . Then the handless took a stab to the face and Nan received a head pat. He licked like three different people’s blood onto my hands, but that’s okay ‘cause “Who’s the best boy?” and he whined happily. He might’ve went on whining but his ears perked up, he turned around, and tackled someone so hard the man fell backwards into a tarp tent before  _ tearing his chest out  _ with his teeth.  _ You crazy wolf-dog.  _

Being dressed like a blue beacon was great for my allies. Nobody was going to lance  _ me  _ in the back of the head. There were two corridors with five tents per row. Three in the middle and one bordering either pond with the corridors forming aisles between the two. I hugged the left side of the right aisle and worked my way from row to row.  _ Most  _ of the mercenaries were asleep and the ones that weren’t were meeting the tip-end of lances. I had my fair share of decapitation chances. Who would’ve guessed that the meteorite blade that can cut into armor can cut a head off through the unprotected neck _.  _ Sometimes they’d come out with a spear. Kill number four, five, seven, nine, ten, eleven, and thirteen were all spear-wielders with really,  _ really  _ bad spears. Who armed them? Bone spears that can’t go through much of anything. The Imperial Army can use it’s spears better.  _ No _ , the Imperial Provincial Militia - _ ha, that title makes them sound so heroic _ \- can thrust better. As I neared the south-facing palisade, I noticed that there was one man cowardly standing there with his  _ big  _ axe. His big axe wielded by his big lumberman arms.  _ Oh, I’m so killing you _ . He was surrounded by archers. Archers who were, sometimes, picking off people at range. Like cowards.  _ Oh don’t say that you do the exact same thing _ . One of my riders took an arrow to the chest, but nothing happened. Another took an arrow to the head.  _ Right, armor, let’s see if you can do your thing _ . 

“Hey! Lord Muscles! I’m jealous!” I yelled, not giving away my not surprise, _bright blue armor on a tall man is pretty...conspicuous_ , before climbing up the stairs and stabbing some archer so hard the blade came out the other side. “Kill the blue teen!” this muscly man counter-commanded. _Oh you’ve just made me a...bit...annoyed_. “Blue-” _stab_ , “teen?” _stab_. “Do you know-” I had to parry some knife before giving this third archer his right hand, “who I am?” “No” the axeman shouted in a foriegn...unplaceable, _maybe Beidiqiu?_ , accent, while _yet another_ one of his archers died to the ever-so-heroic _slice_. I pointed at my eye and ducked because I had to dodge three different people trying to stick arrows in my good eye. “You’re the Jade Emperor!” _Jade Emperor? Isn’t that some folk god?_ But, because I love titles, “I...sure why not! That’s me!” If this was the folktales, I’d have to go through his elite guards to get to him. Turns out most people don’t have elite guards. And if he did, those weren’t these archers. These archers were _terrible_ in close quarters combat. I kicked one off the wall, blocked two strikes, pommel-hit another, stabbed the third, took the fourth one and tossed him over the side, impaling him face first on a spike below, and finished off the second with a back stab. 

He picked up his axe and tried to cut my head into two head halves. I blocked his axe-stab, also known as when someone tries to stab using the axe-head like a pitchfork, then backed up to avoid getting my blade caught and disarmed by his axe. “The Flower King sends his regards!”  _ Oh, we’re just using nonsense titles now?  _ He tried to chop a tree down, and I’m a tree so I took offense to that. Since a long-axe strike requires so much momentum, I could step forward while he swung his axe and charge myself into him.  _ You’re getting Shinji’d _ . I plunged my blade  _ deep  _ into his burly, burly, gambeson-wearing chest and smiled as he dropped his big axe. But I wasn’t about to be made the No-Eyed Badgermole, so I hopped back while he buckled over from the stab. The archers behind him weren’t that happy to see their,  _ uhh...Captain? The man paying them? _ , get stabbed, so they tried to kill me with arrows. But I wasn’t about to stand there and  _ take that _ so I jumped over the collapsing commander and  _ it’s fist-meet-face time, isn’t it?  _

It was midday fisting time. Much more fun than late night inebriated punching-tree time and  _ less  _ fun than blade time. But still. One midsection strike with a punch, one face strike with an upper punch. First man down. The next two were smarter and took out their knives. If I was without, then I might get  _ really  _ hurt for trying to block them with my arms. But I was wearing brigandine armor, the best protection the Imperial Palace can afford. So I could afford to treat my arms like shields and upper-block the second strike following by grabbing his wrist and pulling him into an uppercut. The third man’s legs were shaking. If he wanted to kill me, he’d have to  _ wait _ . “Who’s the Flower King?” I politely asked him. “I don’t know.” he nervously replied. “Thank you for your time” and I  _ walked  _ forward. He came at me with a chest-stab, I  _ grabbed  _ his stabbing wrist and  _ this is why you wear metal pieces of armor _ , took his fingers and made sure he’d never be a calligrapher again.  _ Snap, snap, snap, and...thrown to the ground _ . Correction, thrown to the wolf-dog with the rabidly ecstatic wagging tail who can turn screams into happy whines! I mean, that poor, poor, idiot lost his face, but my good boy had dinner.  _ You’re a good boy. You crazy bastard _ . 

Over in the fun side of the battle, the much  _ better  _ fighters were doing their thing. Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors had dismounted and were pulling a few dozen mercenaries off the south-facing palisade they were guarding and were making quick work of the mercenaries. Our opponents don’t understand what ‘forming a spear wall’ and ‘taking the defensive’ means. They do understand how to charge. Ty Lee also knows how to charge. She can frontflip over the Kyoshi Warriors and poke the shoulders of  _ all  _ who stand in her way. One, two, three, four, five, six, up to ten. All with her hands. Note, charging a bunch of teenage women in lion-turtle formation is not a good idea. Extra note, don’t do that when they’re led by a woman two nuts short of a fruit pie who is more than capable of slicing five people into ten pieces,  _ but only at the unarmored parts _ , and is doing that with ease while shouting stuff like “For Kyoshi!” and “For the Empress!” and “Your death helps me beat my cousin’s count!”  _ Like it was even a competition in the first place _ . Over on Wuhan’s side…

Wuhan’s riders all vanished down the side of the earthen rampart. He ran up to the wall and used some kind of violent form of earthbending, one that involves lots of digging motions and swipes, to  _ tear  _ the wall off and shout “Rally! The Emperor joins us!” But the people inside that wall aren’t the same as the people  _ outside  _ of the wall and he concluded to leave them to their nonsense. Why? He found an un-decapitated person he needed to un-un-decapitate. He took this man’s head with one hand while his foot grabbed the man’s feet with two small earth plates and despite the mercenary’s resistance,  _ pop _ . He pulled the head off and tossed it to the side. Then he charged towards me yelling “Your Majesty! There’s an arrow in your waist!” and I looked down and...sure enough, he was right. But it didn’t hurt me. It was stuck into a piece of the armor. I took a hold of it and snapped the shaft armor.  _ I’ll get to the arrowhead later _ . He grunted and ran right into a four-man team of mercenaries. 

He drew his  _ dao _ , plunging it into one man’s shoulder, running  _ past  _ a second man and ‘grabbing’ the  _ dao, _ pulling it  _ through  _ the first  _ and  _ second man, cutting a massive hole in the latter, before he spun around and grabbed the hilt out of mid-air.  _ You...crazy...madman _ . The remaining two tried to stab him at the same time. He turned their iron spearshafts to a grey liquid, then tossed his  _ dao  _ like a dart. Like a dart, it buried itself in the man’s face. The second was headbutted so hard...well I assume all of the man’s skull-bits exploded, but he was wearing a helmet so I didn't know. Eitherway, Wuhan picked the man up and pile-drived him into the ground. I looked around during all this and killed another two spearmen. One tried parrying a  _ jian  _ with a spear, one had a rusty  _ dao  _ and was just overall a terrible duelist. He could’ve had potential. Had. If he was a  _ good  _ duelist he’d still be alive. None the more, we had won.

Ling emerged as the last of the mercenaries fled into the woods, being pursued by our riders. We must’ve lost ten men at most. I wasn’t interested in asking. “Thank you, Your Majesty!” this Ling professed gratitude for all of this. He ordered his men to kowtow and shout “Ten Thousand Years”. And they did. Most of them were wrapped in bandages, arm slings, leg bracers, and eye coverings, but they did. I looked at Wuhan and was reminded of my objective.  _ Go north. The fort needs to hold while I’m gone _ . So I gave Ling the order I would’ve taken. “I order you to take your men to Fort Wei-Hung and hold it!” “Hold it? Is Your Majesty not coming along?” he asked, his old self barely able to kowtow fully. “I’m taking my bodyguards north.” “What?” came a surprised gasp and lack of courtly procedure, both clues that he was amazed at the out of nowhere request. “We’re going north. Personal matters. Girls, Nan, Captain, let’s go!” and I waved my bodyguards over to me. We grabbed fresh ostrich horses and departed northwards.

As we rode to the Fort, the platoon and one, and myself, discussed the oncoming matters. Wuhan strode up to my side and, sounding disappointed, “Your Majesty, all of us can’t possibly go north disguised as being my friends.” I looked around at my friends.  _ He’s right, of course _ . “I love all of you, you’re all the best.” and the more normal Kyoshi Warriors took that as a compliment, Suki giggled, and Ty Lee... _ right Ty Lee’s here _ . Ty Lee blushed. It’s not false, they’re great people. Ty Lee just took it as a different kind of love.  _ The crazy acrobat _ . “Forget it. Wuhan, continue.” And Wuhan continued while Ty Lee mumbled about what aura she was feeling which...I don’t know what that means and I don’t want to know and I’m glad I didn’t hear it. “At best, I can convince Father if Your Majesty and the other Captain come along. Then you two can be brother and sister and my friends. The rest of you…” he looked around, then back to me, “...far too many.” What he said hurt, but I supposed it made sense. If a platoon of women and two men showed up,  _ with  _ a wolf-dog, they’d have a hard time passing for much of anything. I looked around, “Who do I choose?” but my answer came to me in the form of “Your Majesty, just your cousin and I would be enough.”  _ I… is it really that simple?  _ “What about Nan?” and he woofed. “Or Aoma? The rest of the Warriors?” The referenced woman spoke up, “Your Majesty, the bunch of us  _ can  _ take care of ourselves while you’re gone!”

Despite the tears that ran down my eyes when doing it, I decided that I’d leave the Warriors behind at Fort Wei-Hung. Wuhan figured that the Yancunese, after seeing my -in a grander perspective, the Empire’s- escapades over the past two days, chose to take a neutral uninvolved stance. We weren’t on their tribal lands, we were on the Xinjiagou’s tribal lands. I gave my farewells to them, was almost hugged by Ty Lee - _ thanks Sukes for pulling her by the braid _ \- and of course, had to say goodbye to my favorite boy. 

At first, Nan growled and was  _ really  _ angry, justifiably so, about me leaving. When I explained that “I’m going on a secret mission”, he growled less intensely. I  _ promised  _ to him that I’d be back ‘within a month’ and he whined anxiously. Then, because I love my favorite good boy, I gave him a head pat. Not one head pat. Ten head pats. And he gave me lots of licks, mostly comments I’d take to mean ‘have a safe trip’ and ‘make sure to kill someone who dares defy the Badgermole Throne’. When I promised that I’d get him moose-lion jerky, he tackled me and licked me all over. After this, Wuhan, Suki and I changed out of our normal wear. 

Wuhan into fur clothing that was similar to what the Kazarigs wore, the furs are just lying around in the warehouses here, and even if the fort didn’t have a surplus, they’d make some for us. Suki and I into thick fur-lined evergreen green peasant robes, like the clothes the Sentinels wear. I undid my queue so as to not raise suspicion while Suki left her Kyoshi Warrior headdress and armor and makeup kit. 

For weapons, Wuhan took his  _ dao  _ and fancy  _ dao  _ scabbard, citing that it “looks like a trophy I got while in the South”. I took my  _ jian  _ in a simple brown scabbard, a regular bow, some regular arrows, and a leg knife. As it can cut through wild animals, it should be able to cut through the furs those animals produce. Suki had to say goodbye, temporarily, to her katana and fans. A Kyoshi Warrior without her weapons. As Aoma said, “it’s a chance to use your skills in other weapons, Captain”. As Suki replied, “It’s not a ‘chance’, it’s an  _ opportunity _ .” and the two exchanged a laugh or three. Suki replaced her fans with a pair of knives she wore at the waist. Likewise, as Lady Kikyo reminded her, “You’ve got your backup knives, right?” and she nodded. These were, of course, the sarashi knives. Drunken Kyoshi Islanders came up with the idea and drunken Kyoshi Islanders perfected it. 

The Sun set behind the Southwestern Yancunese Peaks not long after we departed Fort Wei-Hung. As our three ostrich horses rode north, that terrifying wail erupted from the lakeside. By instinct, I drew my blade. “We’re under attack!” I yelled. Suki, being Suki, drew her knives. “No, no, that’s just...that’s just a bird.” Captain Wuhan replied,  _ chuckling _ . He was laughing. “A  _ bird  _ made that noise?” “Indeed, Your Majesty.” I quietly whispered “Such creatures do not exist. That was no bird. That was a Spirit.” He heard this and lose yet more of his composure “Your Majesty! Up here, the temperate Spirits turn tail and run!” “Then what  _ was  _ that?” “That was a loon-grebe.”  _ A what?  _

I didn’t pay attention to his comment, I just tried not to, I don’t know, faint, from it’s ghastly cries. We rode on until Suki yawned four times consecutively and I announced “We stop here!” despite her completely conscious protests, “We don’t have to!”  _ Oh, but I know you. We need to sleep. _ We brought our ostrich horses down to the edge of the lake and put them in an earth pen,  _ thanks Wuhan _ , while I collected some tinder with nothing but the stars as my guide, took two spark rocks from our provisions bag, and started a fire. Wuhan contained the fire with earth while I unfurled my blanket and helped my cousin under it. “You had a long day, Sukes.”

She took dinner in her blanket, the Northerner and I took our dinner on the lakeside.

I looked out over Lake Haidian. Fort Wei-Hung twinkled like a star in the distance. 

“I might go to sleep here, Captain.” I whispered to him. “It’s a beautiful spot.” It really was. A single twinkling star of civilization amidst a sea of darkness. The night sky was star-filled with the salmon-bass scar slicing across it. It was almost...romantic. The chilly but not cold air, the scent of spruces, a few locust-crickets, a owl-falcon hooting… and that was it. 

My attempt at being existential was cut off by Wuhan laughing. “Then this is the Emperor’s Rest.” 

_ I guess it is.  _

Tomorrow, then, we take the Emperor’s Trail north.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, three friends share stories while wandering through the wilderness.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for The Edge of Civilization  
> -Fort Wei-Hung is named after Fort William Henry.  
> -Lake Haidian is based on Lake George (which borders Fort William Henry). Lake Nanshi is based on Lake Champlain. Both are of the Lake Champlain River Valley.  
> -Hudan means 'Tranquil Lake'. The real Lake George is not named for being tranquil, this is just a creative liberty of mine.  
> -Haidian is named for an Upper Ring district.  
> -Leave it to the monarchy to name a lake that has nothing to do with the physical features.  
> -Fort Wei Hung's layout is creative liberties mixed with a little historical accuracy for frontier forts.  
> -The Yuan line is a nod to the real life Yuan Clan, specifically Yuan Shao and Yuan Shu, generals from the Three Kingdoms era.  
> -Mori's gambit isn't as risky as it seems. It's a repeat of the tactic he used at Zaofu.  
> -Ty Lee will never stop her attempts to flirt with the Emperor. Will that go anywhere? Who knows.  
> -Lanshan-Hu is a large village in the Makapuan Mountains. We may see it one day.  
> -Arrows that get lodged in armor can be removed. Arrows that get lodged in people need instruments to remove them.  
> -Secret sarashi knives are not a Kyoshi Islander invention. Brothel-maids have used them since humans first had carnal desires. However, it's the Kyoshi Warriors that implemented it as 'part of the uniform' and it's Kyoshi Warriors who are known (by other Kyoshi Islanders) to carry two or three blades instead of one.  
> -The call of a loon-grebe is this (featuring, narrator) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ENNzjy8QjU  
> -The chapter's end pokes fun at the beginning of the chapter. Mori has a spot named after him just as the Earth King had the fort named after him.


	56. Three Drunken Friends Riding North

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three people travel north along a road.  
> It's that simple.  
> There's also some storytelling.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Two: 

“Where are we now?” I asked ahead, looking at the fur-cape of the man riding in front of me. “For the seventh time this  _ dian _ , Your Majesty, Yancun.”  _ Hey, Suki, don’t laugh at this. This isn’t funny _ . “You know what I don’t understand?” I asked the fur cape as it moved up and down in it’s saddle. “Is it women?” Suki tossed in, looking at me all funny. “It’s not women, Suki.” Suki looked around.  _ That’s the same spruce tree. You’ve seen spruce trees before _ .  _ I’m a tree. Stop getting caught up in what a tree looks like _ . It didn’t matter to her. She was amazed, perplexed, by the nothing-but disorganized array of  _ guess what _ , spruce trees. 

“Captain, can we use unofficial titles?” _Why are you asking Wuhan_? The Captain visibly shrugged. “See if I care.” Suki gave me a crafty grin, a grin of an expert prankster. “Alright, Your Imperial Heirmaking Majesty, I know for a _fact_ you don’t understand women.” _Oh you know for a fact? Also_ … “That’s not unofficial!” I shouted far too loud for what I deserved. “Fine, fine, Lord Hayashi…” _stop giving me those eyes. I know what you’re doing_. “I am not Lord Hayashi, I am the Earth Emperor” and no, I didn’t shout this, because it didn’t feel like it needed to be shouted. “Quiet, Your Highness, you want to let the Yancunese know who’s riding through their woods?” _Sure. My blade hasn’t been blooded in a day or two. It’s getting hungry_. “I want to be addressed formally” I couldn’t sound more like a spoiled child if I tried. “How about Lord of Trees?” Wuhan offered, waving his hand like he was bestowing me some kind of title. “Lord of _Trees_?” Suki couldn’t hold back her snickering. “Can...can I just go with Hayashi?” I casually concluded. Suki faked a gasp. “Your Majesty! You cannot say that name!” _But...you said you weren’t using official titles._ “I _order_ you to use informal titles.” I said in my _I’m_ _ordering people around_ voice. “Fine, Hayashi it is.” she said while trying to somehow combine a pouty voice and some snickering or giggling. 

“Anyways…”  _ oh please don’t start with ‘anyways’ dot dot dot, this isn’t going to go well is it… _ “ _ Hayashi _ , you don’t understand women.” I was going to think of something but my inner thoughts unleashed themselves. “I do  _ not  _ want to hear ‘you don’t understand women’ from the person who  _ does not _ understand men.” She pointed at herself and her voice jumped like ten steps to a high pitch “What?  _ I  _ don’t understand men? I’m  _ dating  _ a man!”  _ Do you want said man to see you like this? No?  _ Time for my counterpoint. “And I’m betrothed to a woman.” Suki pointed at me and “that’s...that’s not fair! And...you’re  _ not _ . You happen to be unique in that-” I heard what I wanted to hear and cut her off. “I’m unique and that makes me an authority. Right? Right?”  _ You’re a genius, aren’t you _ . “No, it just makes you a good judge of that one woman.” and suddenly she sounded like some academic student with a more  _ noble  _ tone. “It should be stated that you are very good at understanding someone nobody understands and you deserve full credit for it. But. You don’t understand women in general.”  _ I’m beyond confused _ . 

“I don’t understand women? I grew up surrounded by women! I spent all of my life sleeping in a woman’s bedroom! I don’t understand women? I’m the most woman-understanding man there ever was!” and only after, only _after_ , did she break into laughter. “Wuhan...Wuhan...are you laughing at this?” she asked through her really loud laughing. The Captain gave a chuckling response, the kind that someone who wasn’t listening would give when someone else asks if they laughed at a statement. “I’m sorry my Lady, I was focused on looking ahead.” Suki laughed while I one-eyed glared at her. “Hayashi, you can’t take a joke can you?” _Was that a joke?_ “I didn’t even think that was a joke” I stated, _and yes, I’m telling the truth_. “That’s my point!” and she laughed some more. “Have you been getting lessons from Toph?” I wondered. “I have!” and she cheered herself. _That explains everything_. “I love that woman but she’s a bit of a walking euphemism at times” and I rubbed my forehead to get the nonsense I just experienced out of my head. “Wuhan! Wuhan!” _must you yell at top volume, Suki?_ “Yes? Yes?” he responded in a duet, matching her pitch. “He said _love_! He said _love_!” and she jumped up and down in her saddle. “That’s amazing” he couldn’t sound more disinterested if he was suddenly replaced with a teenage Fire Lady. _By the way, Suki, the words you just said don’t even make sense_. Pinching my nose in a poor mimicry of Fire Lord Zuko, “Yes, Suki, I said love. Because I _can_ experience love. Because I am real and not dead.” she mumbled “Yet.” My good eye’s eyebrow widened. “What?” She snickered. “Yet. You’re still alive. For _now_.” _What in the name of the holy Kyoshi?_ “Why do you sound like a Dai Li agent?” I asked, but she waved the problem away. “Oh, it’s nothing.” Concerned, I asked “No...I want to know why you said that.” She rolled her eyes. “Because I’m having fun _and-_ ” she locked them onto Wuhan “- _we’re in the middle of nowhere_.” Then she looked up at the mountains, then over at me, then at the other Captain. “Wuhan, where are we?” Wuhan groaned. “For the eighth time this _dian_ , my Lady, Yancun.” 

The lands of Yancun were a gradual slope. If we looked ahead, everything looked normal, but if we looked  _ behind _ , we were actually climbing in altitude albeit gradually. Lake Nanshi, or Upper Door Lake, was in the shadow of the setted Sun. But to our east, the red rays of the departing Sun made the white conifers bright, like lanterns. Somewhere further back from Nanshi was a land bulge, where the two Door Lakes are connected by a small rapid, Xi-Haidian. We were going so far north we had run out of places named after Upper Ring Districts. Nanshi Forest sat behind us, and Haidian-Lin far behind us, barely visible. The two Lakes were quite grand. Not wide, but long. We had likewise gotten so far north that the Southeastern Yancun Peaks or the Eastern Peaks of the Northern Mountains or the First Sun Range -after being the land the sun touches first come spring- were as far from us as the Upper Ring Wall was from the Imperial Palace. That was longer than one may think. Unlike the Innermost Wall, these peaks went up, and up, and up, and up,  _ did I mention up _ , and they came to rounded tops. As Wuhan said after Suki asked a question on why the peaks weren’t pointy, “They will never be sharpened because the North Wind is too strong.” I think the North Wind follows the Speak-of-the-Avatar principle. Mention it, and here comes a high gust of wind to just discourage our derogatory comments.  _ About wind.  _ “Even the wind hates the Empire up here” Suki logically quipped. And was then smacked in the chest with a flying branch as if to prove the point. As soon as the wind arrived, like a bad case of improvised surgery by a moody teenager, it left. But the flying branch didn’t bother her. It was a small branch and she was and still is too crazy to be hurt by such things. 

Speaking of the very descriptive ‘things’, the forests up here were two ‘things’, _incoming academic speech_ : Lacking in, _here’s a big word, you can do it_ , biodiversity; and spaced out. It’s almost like every tree was demanding its own personal space. ‘ _No, you, stay exactly three feet away from me or else I’m going to slap you with my trunk!’_ is what the trees may threaten. In reference to the former, it’s almost like there was a line that was drawn and ‘north of’ that imaginary line, only a few animals inhabit. We were told there were caribou-deer, but didn’t see any. Likewise, we were told that there were moose-lion, but we didn’t see them. There’s these grouse-quails, their feathers as white as the snow around them. A few of them ran across the road that wasn’t a road but would be called ‘The Emperor’s Trail’ in honor of _guess who_. There were some raven-crows _squawking_ , or there was _one_ and he was being quite noisy. I spotted a flock of chickadee-thrushs, a flock being six. Four different lone chickadee-thrushes sitting on the topmost branch of four different spruce trees. There was also some kind of terrifying owl-falcon that swooped past us and into the forests, only to emerge a few _miao_ later holding an elephant-lemming. _An elephant-lemming_. Correction, half of one since it pulled a Wuhan and _tore the creature’s head off_ and took the torso. This all sounds like lots of action but over the course of an entire day this was _all_ we saw. Two birds running across the road, two dozen inhabiting the trees, some strange owl-raptor, and, oh yeah…

_ Ooo-aaah-ooo _ . The wail of that... _ thing _ . Wuhan could  _ hear  _ me fall off my ostrich horse and also could  _ hear  _ me as I yelled “They’re in the firs!” Thankfully, this time, the ostrich horse didn’t run off. “Hayashi, those are  _ spruces _ .” the Captain commented.  _ So?  _ I grabbed my ostrich horse saddle and got on, my legs and their shakiness did  _ not  _ want to go away. “They’re still in the spruces!” I shouted, pointing my blade nervously,  _ I don’t know how you nervously point a blade but I made it possible _ , towards the darkening woods. “It, not  _ they _ ” Wuhan calmly corrected me. “‘It not they?’” I asked him, sheathing my blade. “Singular, not plural. That’s only one.” And the Spirits love us, they gave us another one of these things’ cries. “ _ Ooo-aaah-ooo _ .” The cry echoed into the mountains.“ _ Only one?  _ What are you, Oyaji?” I wondered, out loud. “Hayashi, you mean  _ who, _ ”  _ Suki why are you getting involved in this?  _ As she’s wiser than I, I took her criticism and adapted something from it. “Wuhan, who are you, Oyaji? Who cares if there’s one or two or ten! Singular, plural, what’s the difference! That  _ thing _ , those  _ things _ , are terrifying!” 

Wuhan gave a hearty, just as unsettling, chuckle. “It’s a pair. A male and a female. That’s the loon-grebe’s mating call.” _What did you say?_ “Did you just say that that’s a _mating_ call?” I asked him, because I’m a bit slow in the head when I’m not drinking my whiskey and because I also didn’t believe what I was hearing. “Yes, that’s a mating call. That’s how one loon-grebe tells another loon-grebe ‘I’m over here!’” Then, Wuhan did something completely unnecessary and I believe was done just to throw my mind into more shambling madness. He put his hands to his face and...repeated the call perfectly. “Ooo-aaah-ooo!” And his was much, much, louder. A pause, metaphorical, time doesn’t actually pause, and about ten _miao_ later, one of those... _things_...cried out again. “ _Ooo-aaah-ooo_ ”. Suki, being a master of words and naming things, stated “I don’t know about you two but that sounds more like a consummation call.” _I’m sorry, what?_ “A...consummation call? Like...oogies?” _No you blockhead, consummation like dinnertime. Wait, that's consumption._ Suki, instead of listening to my very mature, thank you, question, pointed at me, bent her head backwards, and laughed. Wuhan also laughed, albeit his laugh was quieter. I shook my head, trying to _shake_ the nonsense out of me, and asked a more productive question. “How...and more importantly, _why_ would you even think about these things, Suki? What inside your whiskey-infused mind goes ‘yes, this is a consummation call?’” She continued girlishly snickering like I was sharing some kind of fascinating gossip. “Because...experience, Hayashi” and she blushed. I wasn’t thinking clearly, _thank you lack of whiskey_ , and as such inquired “Experience? What experience do you have with consummation calls?” Thank the Spirits, Wuhan didn’t let Suki respond. “I wouldn’t ask that. Remember, the Lady’s heart is for the Prince.” and, _boom_ , that was the kind of kick-to-the-face that I needed. 

_ Oh. Oh. Oh.  _ I pointed at the sack of provisions that Suki’s ostrich horse was carrying, lacking in the whiskey needs, and said “I need a whiskey.” Suki tried her best to sound really serious, but failed as miserably as I failed to tell the distance to the next  _ giant mountain _ . “Why, you don’t want to have the mental image of that? Of your  _ esteemed  _ cousin?” I slapped myself in the face. “Do you have nothing better to discuss?” “No! We’re in the middle of  _ nowhere _ !”  _ No, like I couldn’t tell _ . That  _ thing  _ gave it’s call again, “Ooo-aaah-ooo”, and I was left thinking  _ and  _ saying “Forever onwards, I am forced to put you and that screeching bird together. Thank you Suki. You’re the best.”  _ Please ignore my gritting teeth _ . She grinned. “I’m glad you think so.” she replied, sarcastically. I needed a whiskey, she needed to lose her composure, and Wuhan needed us to get as  _ far  _ north as possible. 

The sky darkened, the loon-grebes called back and forth to each other at rare enough points to make you think they’re done for the night, then, as a Dai Li agent may say,  _ bang! _ , they wail again. They wail and the last part, the ‘ooo’, lingers in the air for a few  _ miao  _ after. We lacked any torches, which was okay because the salmon-carp-colored scar that ran across the night sky was so bright it cast our shadows on the ground. The occasional hoot reminded us of the forests to our sides. We eventually came over a small ridge and were immediately harried with high winds. Not high enough to stop us, and they subsided after Wuhan yelled “Ride fast!” and we snapped our reins and descended down this old, unmaintained, six-ostrich-horse-wide road. Note, that was not referring to the road, that was referring to the distance from one side of the forest to the other. What I noticed as we came down this slight decline was a lack of lights of any kind. No forts twinkling like stars, no farmhouses and their faint firelight, not even a campfire. And the forest wasn’t that thick. We  _ should’ve  _ seen  _ something _ . Anything.  _ Nothing _ . I thought Wei-Hung was the north? Ha. There was nothing up here. Why? “Those who  _ are  _ up here don’t want you to know that,” or so Wuhan said. 

He followed this up by saying “Here is where we should stop” and Suki and I looked at one another, then around. Then at the same time, at him. “Why here?” I asked. “Because there is a glade to our east. Small. Uninhabited. A stream runs through it.”  _ What?  _ “How...do you know that?” Suki asked, perplexed. “I looked through the forest” and he pointed.  _ What…But… it’s dark. Wait, no, you have better night time eyes or something, right?  _ “Also, this past ridge was the Yancun-Si Gou border, meaning this is one of the highlands that run along this old Royal road. That highland has a stream.” The same question was asked yet again, this time by me. “How...do you know that?” “I came south over this same path. Slept right there-” and he pointed at the darkness, “-too.” Did I believe him? Yes. Was I tired? Yes. So we took a right and guided our ostrich horses through the approximately ten trees and one face smacked by passing branch each, before emerging in, get this, a clearing. We dismounted and, using nothing but starlight, gathered some pine needles while Wuhan penned our mounts in. Wuhan made us a small fire pit, we tossed in all these burnable needles and branches and whatever we could hack off of nearby trees, or rather rip off trees, and Wuhan’s spark rocks turned the darkness into a campfire surrounded by dark, foreboding woods.

Wuhan made two tents. Why not three? Who needs three? There’s three of us but  _ someone  _ insisted on sleeping in my earth tent for the sake of being a bodyguard. And I wasn’t going to refuse her. While we rolled out our blankets, Wuhan got to work putting food on the fireplace. The crackling sounds were a great counter to the  _ dead silence _ . Because I was now the man with the cool blade,  _ I guess you don’t get to use your katana now, huh,  _ I was tasked with  _ chopping apart a tree  _ for more firewood. “I can’t do that. I have a sword.” So Wuhan grabbed a fallen young tree, pointed at it, and designated “Go break that apart.” Suki? She went to collect river water and boil it. I collected my firewood, Suki collected her water, Wuhan made three stone seats around the fire pit, and each of us contributed what we had to. Soon enough, all our tasks were done. An aside, we had no clothes to change into or change out of, it’s not like we were going to pack an Imperial Informal Robe in that sack of supplies. With everything that could be done being done, we grabbed dinner -safe-to-eat berries and whatever strange platter of meats we brought along- and sat down by the fire. Three of us. Alone. Surrounded by darkness. Two commanderies away from the nearest civilization.

I looked to my two companions and declared “As the Empress would say, what’s a good fireplace without some stories?” Wuhan took his flask and jutted it into the air, “Hear hear!” Suki nodded in a more passive capacity. “She would, so let’s go.” “Who wants to go first?” I asked while gnawing on a piece of crunchy, crunchy, _something_. Whatever it was, it was as hard as jerky. “Hayashi…” the way Suki said that, _I know what’s coming next. It’s going to be ‘you should go next’._ “...You should go next.” I glared at her with my one good eye. “Why me? _Why_ me? Why me?” I might’ve gone on asking but Suki gave me this... _look_ … a mischievous one… and that look compelled me into going “Fine. Fine. Suki, what story do you want from me?” and she gave a pretend-fancy bow for dramatic purposes. “ _Hayashi_ , why don’t you tell Wuhan the story of when Sai went to Yonaguni to conduct… _diplomacy_ … with the Lord of Yonaguni.” _Oh. Not this story_. Wuhan leaned towards me, “I thought Kyoshi Island was neutral.” I clarified to him. “It was. Didn’t stop us from being sent like traders to other islands.” He rubbed his face, “then why is it called diplomacy?” I couldn’t resist smiling as I said “Because my adorable little cousin got some diplomatic deals out of them.” Wuhan blinked, confused. “Not you? Your cousin?” Suki and I both nodded. I offered some wisdom. “Let’s just take it from the start, right?” and Suki grinned. “Why don’t _you_ ” and she waved me towards the flames.

I looked at the flames for inspiration, sat back, rested one leg on the other’s thigh, brought my hands together, and summoned my best storyteller voice. “This was the spring before the House of the Flying Boar sent their letter of lies telling us how much money we’d get if I sold myself to them. Uncle, Magistrate Oyaji, was going to go to Yonaguni for some trading. But he had come down with a serious cold and was incapacitated. In most places, the oldest would be sent in his stead, right? Not Kyoshi Island. We’re crazy. Suki couldn’t go, we needed  _ someone  _ to lead the island’s protection against the Chin should they fund some  _ daofei  _ to come on their yearly raids. And, I know what you’re thinking, ‘why not send me?’. Well, Kyoshi Island is either too drunk to be smart or too smart for everyone else. As a young man, I was heavily suggested  _ against  _ representing Kyoshi Island. I’m...not joking. So who was our diplomat? None other than my second-favorite cousin, Sai. The girl who, unlike me,  _ was  _ going to her classes and unlike me,  _ was  _ shaping up to be a fine Magistrate one day. Suki was to lead the Warriors, Sai was going to lead the Island, and I was...going to get hammered. I guess. Okay, okay, I was trained to also help lead everything, but it sounds more impressive if I was simply the one that missed his classes.” The Northerner nodded along. “Right, folktales.” “You got it.” and I carried on. 

“So Sai is given the job and she jumps up and down with excitement. Back then, Suki flashed me a ‘is this going to go well?’ look and I flashed her a ‘I’m going with her’ look which only made her  _ more  _ worried. See, because I don’t, Uncle had assigned me to protect her. That’s right. My job of protecting people younger than me did not start with my Empress. No, no, I was named Sai’s personal bodyguard. And  _ what  _ did Sai say? ‘No, I’m quite fine with handling myself. I can probably beat you up with one hand’. And then she did. She took my wrist and sent me flying across the dojo. But Uncle insisted and I was looking for anything to get away from home for a few days, so I volunteered to do the job he was commanding me to do. Suki and I won over Sai’s support with the promise that she’d get to have some real responsibility... and I’d just come along to make us  _ look  _ tough. She had a child-sized katana brought along with her. Yes, us Kyoshi Islanders make child-sized blades. Because if Kyoshi could end the Yellow Necks at sixteen why can’t we kill a few  _ daofei  _ at...well younger than that? And Sai wasn’t ten, she was a young woman of...twelve? I think twelve. This would be her first mission since she conducted her womanly rite of passage, because we have those, and this would be my first mission where I was sent as a bodyguard. Sai, being head diplomat of all this, demanded exactly and no more than one platoon of Kyoshi Warriors to join us. Not because she needed them, despite talking  _ up  _ to most of us, she liked ‘scaring some sense’ into ‘those weirdos’ who were not weirdos but Yonaguni’i. So we took our single trade boat, loaded with trading luxuries like an entire elephant koi of meat and some cakes, and sailed off. I really could spend a week telling you about how long it took and all the nonsense that took place while we got there, but I know you’re here for the story, Wuhan, not for the journey.” He smiled. If his smile could talk, it’d say ‘that’s right’.

“If you’ve never been to Yonaguni, Captain” the Northerner tried his best to sound formal. “I haven’t,  _ Hayashi _ ,” “Right, then. Yonaguni is all the cold of Kyoshi Island without the trees. It’s five islands shaped like a crescent Moon in the middle with two stars on either side. Though...one of the stars on the right got drunk and almost wandered into the main island. I don’t know their names, I didn’t care to know their names, and it didn’t matter. The port town of Xi Long’a lacked all the tree-tures of Kyoshi Island. Everyone lived in these hill-mounds with holes for smoke. We were led, not in a creepy way but in a professional one, into the largest of these turf-houses. There, we met the Magistrate of Yonaguni, Hung-Lee. Now, most people would approach a Magistrate and bow, right? Not Sai. When we first entered, he called  _ me  _ the trader from Kyoshi-Island which made Sai request the nearest spittoon and use it. She laughed and shook her head. He then addressed her as the trader and she laughed. She told him ‘I am no trader, on behalf of His Excellency, Magistrate Oyaji, of the blood of Kyoshi, I, Sai, daughter to Magistrate Oyaji, am here to forge an alliance with you’. Now, anyone who isn’t from Kyoshi Island might look at someone like Sai and laugh, right? Well he did. He called her ‘a child’. She corrected herself. ‘Magistrate Oyaji wishes for a trading agreement to be forged between us.’ His laughter shook the room. ‘You’re an immature child, why should I care what you think?’” Wuhan reacted by covering his mouth. “Oh, he’s  _ so  _ dead for that, right?” and I held up my hand. “In time.”

I varied my glances between the woods and Wuhan. Suki sat back, uncrossed her legs, and enjoyed listening to this. “As it turns out, he didn’t get the Memorial on Kyoshi Islanders. So she did as a Kyoshi Islander would do, she  _ was  _ dressed in Kyoshi Warrior makeup and an  _ adorable  _ little Kyoshi Warrior cuirass, she taunted him. ‘I can cut your man parts off instead. My cousin told me how to!’ and she drew her adorably small child-sized katana which is about the size of my  _ jian _ . The Magistrate was all ‘Guards!’ and can you guess what came next? If you picked anything other than the Magistrate ordering the guards to throw us out, you haven’t had enough whiskey. These two burly guards, who weren’t burly despite being in the frigid tundra, tried to grab my little cousin. She resolved the issue before I could intervene. She pommel-struck one, sheathed her blade, and  _ grabbed  _ the other one, throwing him over her and into a wall. I don’t know how someone who weighs half a sack of grain can do that, but I know she could’ve castrated him with her knee if she wanted to. Then she eloquently drew her blade and pointed it at Hung-Lee. He ordered some tea be brought out and for our parties to sit down and discuss terms.” Wuhan burst into uncontrollable laughter. “Let me guess. He was this big bearded fellow?” and Suki and I furiously bowed our heads at the same time.

“So… where was I?”  _ Think, think, right. The alliance _ . “He  _ tried  _ to demand that as part of our alliance, we’d send troops to his side. Sai explained that ‘one of my Warriors could kill your entire garrison’ which scared the Midnight Sun out of his guards since this twelve year old just beat up two men far larger than her size this  _ other  _ person was standing above her and to her side and glaring at everyone with his katana. Because...as part of my bodyguard duties I was given a katana, a bow and a quiver. The Magistrate stated that he was doing a fine enough job as is, to which Sai reminded him that his neighboring towns -Karokou Island- had been pillaged by pirates five times in the year and Kyoshi Island had never been successfully raided, ever. Her demands were that Yonaguni would join ‘The Coalition of Neutral Southern Islands.’” “So your uncle wanted an alliance?” Wuhan wondered. Suki and I shook our heads. “Nope.” Wuhan’s ‘what’ face...I wish I could get a painting of that.

“Oyaji didn’t have plans for such a coalition. Nobody did. But little Sai...she made it up and decided that that was what her goal was here. I don’t even remember what our goal was. I thought we had come to trade, but in retrospect what was I expecting? Hung-Lee laughed at us claiming that such an alliance didn’t exist. Sai ordered us to go ‘teach him a lesson’ but none of us knew what she wanted us to do. So we stood, or sat, there. After many  _ fen  _ of two people staring, he gave us quarters for the night.” 

The Kyoshi Warriors held dinner together and we all awaited the wise leadership of Sai. As part of our stay there, we swore by the blood that ran through Sai’s veins and mine that we’d teach the women of the island to fight. Come next morning, we gathered all the women of Xi Long’a and any surrounding fishing houses up and down that coast that wanted to come, and we taught them to fight. And by we I mean Sai. I sat back and watched since I’m not a Kyoshi Warrior. The island had some veneration of Kyoshi, so having a Kyoshi Warrior train them was something iconic. The women weren’t the best at discipline, but they made up for it telling us that Hung-Lee was...in polite and flowery terms, not a very polite or flowery man. As it turns out, the piracy issues?...he was actually a pirate. He was sponsoring the piracy of Karokou and the locals were just in fear of speaking out against him.” “Oh, he’s  _ so  _ dead” Wuhan spoke up. I held my hand up, again. “In time.”

“So Sai dragged the two of us over to his private quarters. We asked him if his villager’s claims about the piracy were true because, just as Kyoshi faced her problems directly, Sai fearlessly asked him this. Let no man or woman claim that my cousin is not fearless.” and I watched Suki patter the ground with anticipation. “The best part is coming up!” she yelled. Wuhan traded a glance with her, one of suspicion, but didn’t say anything.

“Hung-Lee… he was a big man. He made a move to lunge at Sai. I pushed her out of the way and ended up taking the brunt of his move. He grabbed me, specifically my off-hand with one hand and the rest of me with another. I was less-muscle back then, so breaking free of such a hand lock was...hard. He took my hand, and the rest of me, and  _ snap _ , broke my arm with his knee. He was in the process of bringing his knee up to do more damage but a blade popped out the front of his mouth. That blade cut it’s way through his right cheek before exiting his face, leaving a gaping hole that made him look more like a grotto, a grotto filled with blood instead of water. He dropped me, I yelled a  _ bit  _ too loudly, and Sai decapitated him with another swipe. His guards heard my yelling and ran in. I drew my katana because as painful as it was, adrenaline kicked in. Two to five. It became two to three as Suki killed either of the men in one strike each. They’d try to strike her, she’d give a single long slash, they’d be down. Then it turned two to two with Sai parrying a  _ dao _ and, in two strikes not one, slicing his hand and then his throat open. Then one to two because the man dueling me lost his hand, sure, but he grabbed that broken arm of mine, note, that hurts, and swung me in a wide circle like some kind of dance rituation before sending me flying into a wall. Sai cut his other hand off before an up-slice cut his chest diagonally into two pieces. The last guard dropped his weapon and surrendered, pleading, yelling ‘Wait! Wait!’. Sai honored his word, up until he pulled out a dagger and tried to stab her. Then this man lost his head. Again, one strike.” “Your cousin’s crazy.” “Thanks for pointing that out, Captain. Oh, and she’s the best katana-wielder on the island, right Suki?” “That’s right.”  _ back to the story _ . 

“The battle ended, and she had me to deal with. She couldn’t carry me out, sadly. She helped me over to the wall that was adjacent to the giant blood splatter that the Magistrate’s face was, for a time, leaking all over. She pulled out a roll of sarashi and two pieces of wood and wrapped it around my arm as a basic splint. She also gave me her whiskey, I drank it up, and the pain was dulled. She stayed with me for so,  _ so  _ very long. You want to know what a Kyoshi Warrior is? It’s someone who…” I had to wipe a few joyful tears from my good eye, “...does. She didn’t leave. She stayed there, watching me. I didn’t need it. She knew I didn’t need it. And I could walk quite well. But she  _ ordered  _ me to stay still and stay there until  _ she  _ could assess what had happened. She reassured me in a very...Kyoshi Island manner. ‘It’s okay, brother, maybe in the future you’ll go to class and be prepared for this.’ She yelled for the Kyoshi Warriors, soon enough the platoon poured in. They were, as they would be, a mix of confused and enraged at Hung-Lee. The young Sai pointed at the man, quipping ‘He’s half the man he used to be’, while she helped me up. Later that same day, the peasants agreed that one of their own, the ‘Mayor’ of Xi Long’a, I believe his name was Tortoden or Tortogen, was a better fit for rule. We forged an alliance with him. We embarked on our single transport, the food swapped for clothes and fishing supplies. Such is the story of Sai and Yonaguni. No matter how young, never mess with a Kyoshi Warrior!” 

Suki applauded, clearly cheering for her sister as much as she was cheering for the Warriors in general. Wuhan gave me a round of clapping, mostly at “how...unique...your family is”,  _ that’s right _ , before declaring that “My sisters would love to hear these stories.” Suki and I, at the same time, went “Sisters?” and he smiled. Then I took a  _ fen  _ to actually  _ dine  _ on some of my food. As for who was going next? Suki mentioned, in passing, “Yeah, he returned  _ just  _ in time to catch Tu-Jia in my bedroom,” which then earned Wuhan’s really loud yell of “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-” yes, with the stuttering repetition, “... _ who’s  _ Tu-Jia?”. This caused Suki’s far from innocent blushing and follow up burying of face in knees to try and hide said blushing. “Tu-Jia was her boyfriend” I said and  _ ducked  _ in time to avoid a flying Suki who drop-kicked the air  _ instead of me _ before tumbling to the ground, rolling back up and challenging me. “You… you take that back!” Wuhan, of course, was howling like a wolf-dog. “Fight, fight, fight!” Suki eyed me, almost breathing fire. I got off my seat and matched her stance. “You will take that back. Tu-Jia and I were friends!” I couldn’t roll my good eye -had to watch her- but I wanted to.  _ Really? _ “That’s why I caught you kissing him right?” “Wuhan, turn around. What you’re going to see is  _ not  _ going to be pretty!” and Suki stayed in her stance, slowly shuffling over to me. Wuhan did as she requested and turned around, facing the woods. Suki waved me forward, and I wasn’t going to deny her the privilege of the first punch. “To the best?” I asked her, trying not to smile at the chance to get into a sparring match with my cousin. “Something like that,” she replied.  _ Got it _ .

I ran at her. She blocked my punch, I tried to sweep her leg with mine but her stance was  _ too  _ good and I didn’t do anything other than open myself up for a  _ tackle _ . But I wasn’t going to go down without a tackle first. So I tried as best as I could to avoid punching her chest, I’d rather not bruise her, and grabbed her sides and  _ pressed _ . But she was used to this puny attempt at winning. She took one of my wrists, swept my right leg out from under her, and my face met the ground sooner than I could say “I’m falling!”. I fell to the ground and…  _ how are you so fast _ … my hands were tied up with a piece of cloth. “Yield?” she asked, stomping her foot into the ground  _ right  _ next to the left side of my head. Or the side that I could actually tell something intimidating from.  _ What am I going to say, no?  _ “Sure, I yield.” and she laughed. “Good” and she pulled me back up, gave me a single  _ flick _ , and pulled the cloth tie off of me, sending me twirling in circles around myself before going face-first into the grass again. A few cricket-locusts chirped. As I got back up, Wuhan spun around and asked,  _ politely _ , “So...what’s the story with Tu-Jia?” and even from here I could hear Suki’s tiny groan of either disappointment or childhood nostalgia. “I’m not going to sleep until I say this, am I?” she slumped in her posture.  _ Oh, the irony. Normally it’s me forced to do that. Now it’s you _ .

She sat down, took some breaths, and spoke up. “What I said earlier is true. When my sister and cousin returned from Yonaguni, my cousin stumbled up the road and tried climbing in my window. Because...that’s what he does. Who needs doors? What can I say?” I decided to cut her off. “What  _ can  _ you say?” Wuhan asked. I answered for Suki. “You can tell Wuhan why I returned home to you  _ smeking  _ the daylights out of that man!” That might be one of my first times using the word ‘smek’ and I don’t regret it. She groaned into her knees. “I’m not proud of it. I was...young. And stupid.” and she… she looked sad. “Just...don’t tell the Prince, okay?” and the Captain, halfway between elated and serious, complied. “I won’t.” Elated because he was hearing some juicy, juicy, stories. Or...about to. “So...where to begin?” and she paused to sigh. I pondered a way to help her. “The beginning?” She groaned. “The beginning it is…”

“Everyday, I’d go to the dojo to practice. After classes, I’d go with the other girls and we’d go swimming, or hiking, or meet up at someone’s house or just enjoy the breeze. Some of us were told to take care of our siblings but most were free to go roam around. Like all the other villagers, I knew Tu-Jia growing up. Bit of an eccentric kid, not that different from my cousin.” I jabbed in with “I’m still quite eccentric, thank you very much Sukes!” which got a chuckle from Wuhan. Suki rolled her eyes, yawned, and continued. 

“But when he got older...he was such a sensitive soul. Laid-back, easygoing, kind hearted, really sweet. He could get, well, excited over the smallest bit of good news. But that made him so-” “Loveable, Sukes?” I gave her my one-eyed wink of sarcasm. “Yes…” she gave me this  _ look  _ that ‘ _ you’re going to get it later _ ’, and I grinned. “He was a terrible fighter and didn’t know one end of the spear from the other. He’d never fished or hunted, but...that’s what made him different. He went out and would compose ballads from the sounds of nature. His favorite was ballads about the Avatars.” I wasn’t going to let her semi-emotional tone continue. I had to get in with a jab or twenty. “Yes, so sensitive. That really protects during invasions, right?” Suki rolled her eyes and tried to wave me away with her hand. “Quiet, you.”  _ No.  _ Wuhan took all this in a more lighthearted tone. 

“Laugh all you want. Back then, Tu-Jia...he was so...unique and that’s why we all loved him.” Another jab time. I made sure to swallow my food first. “Captain, you should know that there were only ten or so men of their age on the island, compared to dozens of women. Why? I’d guess something,  _ something _ Spirits but a better guess is lots of us died in previous invasions.” Suki glared at me. But she knew how to punch back. A joke. “Yes, and of course Your  _ Holiness  _ would get free choosing of whichever woman you wanted.” This made Wuhan give me those  _ well-did-you  _ eyes and I was like  _ what,-no-I-didn’t _ . “Did you?” he asked, thinking I didn’t understand his eyes or something. “Do you  _ think  _ he did?” and my cousin shoved me. “I didn’t.” Surprisingly, Suki didn’t carry on with that tangent.

“One day, we happened to be out and about, my cousin was off chasing a fish, and the girls and I heard Tu-Jia singing a ballad of the Avatar Cycle. I wasn’t going to let anyone else take him! I'm the blood of Kyoshi! If I want someone, I’ll go after ‘em” and she built up so much self-hype she hit the air out of self-approval. Now, she was recounting her most humiliating tale, eagerly, so I suppose self-hype is necessary. “So I walked up to him-” and she got off her seat and walked over towards a tree, “-and he was like-” and she pretended to be the man “‘-oh hello Suki!’ and I was like ‘oh hello Tu-Jia, you know your song is really sweet’ and I blushed and he was like ‘wow Suki that was so kind of you, I wrote the song for you, you know’ and-” and she turned to face the two of us and our amazed expressions, “-what was I supposed to do except blush?”.  _ I guess you’ve come to terms with this. Well done _ . Wuhan slapped his sides from laughter.  _ He was laughing. You amused the ‘barbarian.’ Good on you Sukes _ . 

“You could’ve told him how dreamy you thought he was.” Wuhan pondered between bouts of hysteria. Then  _ I  _ made that stubbed-toe noise, insisting “That’s what she did!” Suki pointed really angrily at me.  _ I don’t care. I’m saying it _ . “She was all-” and I mimicked her voice “- ‘oh Tu-Jia, your hair is so nice and your face is so dreamy and I think you’re really really nice you know that and I love your voice you know-’” but I was cut off by being grabbed by the hair and pulled off my stone seat.  _ Ow _ . “Some people don’t like being pulled off their seats!” I yelled like a child who’s hair was being tugged. Because my hair was being tugged. “Well  _ some  _ people don’t like being made fun of, poorly.” Suki countered. Then she added to it. “If you’re going to make fun of me-” she helped me up, “-please put in the effort. Alright?” and she slapped me in the back.  _ Okay, fine _ . “I will. Okay.” “Good.” Feeling a bit of remorse, I looked at her in her blue eyes and apologized. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you said to him.” she smiled. “It’s okay, just… try to sound like me and not like Katara when you’re going to make fun of my romance. I do a good impression of you, right?” and I nodded. “Good” and she turned me around and placed me back in my seat. “Now...back to this!” she exclaimed while walking around the fire. Once there, the storytelling continued. 

“So, so, so...I said something kind of like what my cousin said, except it was much, _much_ , more idiotic. You know. Because teenagers are dumb.” _I can confirm_. “But he liked that stuff since he was so sweet, and he asked to take me out to dinner!” I looked at Wuhan. Wuhan’s face said everything. ‘ _This...Your Majesty, this is your cousin?_ ’ To which I would say ‘ _Yes, my family is like this_.’ Now, I for one do not want to hear “The Romantic Adventures of Young Teenage Suki and Equally Young Teenage Tu-Jia”, so I nicely destroyed all of Suki’s happy and or really embarrassing memories with “Can you cut ahead to while I was gone? The _party?_ ” and she looked at Wuhan who was doing his best surprised face. _Yes, I know, there was a party_. 

“My Father was ill and stayed in the Great Hall so he could be taken care of. My sister and my cousin had gone off to Yonaguni. This meant that my house was empty. It took a few days of spreading the word and buying the supplies from traders-” I interrupted her to ensure she got her facts as straight as a bow is curvy, “-Suki,  _ whose _ money were you using for these  _ supplies _ ?” Suki  _ snored _ , “I used  _ your  _ money. What? Are you going to get angry?” and her sarcasm was so thick it might be too thick for my meteorite black to hack through. Wuhan wasn’t getting the sarcasm. He was jovial, no, perhaps hysterical  _ is  _ the correct word. Hysterically amused. To help calm him down, I asked her if “the money was well spent?” and she let out a thin, embarrassed, smile. She justified this by citing our supreme ancestor. “Kyoshi would say there was nothing wrong with having fun once in a while.”  _ Once in a while _ .

Suki’s grin almost,  _ almost _ made up for her scowl when she recited the rest of the night’s events. “So my Warriors showed up. Everyone our age showed up. It started with sitting around and talking about things. We did some singing, some games, then the cakes and the drinks were brought out. Singing became dancing and games became dares. And Tu-Jia showed up, too. He and I went out back and we did some stargazing. I wasn’t inside the house so I didn’t know who was doing what to whom or where-”  _ note, that’s such a great way to put it, Sukes. So vague and now I can’t imagine our bedroom any other way _ , “-but everyone got really hammered and also went home, leaving just him and I. Because his house was a long, long, way away,”  _ yeah, like...two thousand Consort’s feet away _ , “...and everyone on Kyoshi Island did sleepovers often, his parents didn’t care when I grabbed him and carried him to  _ our _ bedroom.”  _ Correction, now I can’t imagine the bedroom any other way _ . Good for me, Wuhan popped a flask and was glugging it down. She began blushing really intensely and giggling like a child. “What’s she gigging about?” the Captain asked, nudging my shoulder. “How embarrassing her first kiss was, of course.” But...see,  _ no, I don’t _ , saying the word ‘kiss’ aggravated her. Probably because it was so embarrassing.

“So...I...we had both...changed into our sleepwear. Well...he took some of my cousin’s. But...we weren’t doing anything! We were just...being close. Did you… did you know his voice was actually really soft?” her stutters were like me trying to piece together a really  _ bad  _ memory. Not bad in a traumatic  _ I-just-had-my-eye-plucked-out  _ way, traumatic in a  _ well-that-was-uncessarily-stupid  _ way. Or something like that. “I remember waking up with the lofty spring air pouring in through the window...and he was there, wrapped around me, lying on my chest with the blanket covering him. He was...it felt so nice… but… nice things can’t last can they?” 

Wuhan raised an eyebrow, a slightly-inebriated eyebrow. “What happened?” he asked, confused. “Hayashi did” she replied, not nearly as bitter as I thought. “He...well he had just returned from Yonaguni. He came up the road and found our house and he...came up to the window and climbed through the window… even with only one arm he could still do it… and… I was asleep and I was lying back and most of me was under a blanket and-” I cut her off. “Can I take this, Sukes?” One sniffle of ‘I was such an idiot’ self-regret  _ or maybe guilt? _ , later, she agreed. “I climbed in, yes my off-hand was wrapped in a brace and a sling. Yes it was in pain. I saw this rough outline of a person lying underneath the blanket and went ‘What are you doing in my bedroom?’ and the figure responded with ‘I’m sleeping with the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors.’ He was too tired to recognize who the voice belonged to. I pulled off the blanket and found his hands  _ too  _ close for comfort. So I-” but Suki interrupted me, “He grabbed Tu-Jia, pulled him off me, and slammed the man into the wall. He was yelling ‘No touching my cousin, you bastard!’ and bashed Tu-Jia’s back against the wall. They were both similar ages but...one was a poet and the other went out every morning and practiced martial skills.” Now  _ I _ took a drink of cooled water and began downing it. 

All the while, Suki regaled us with her heroics. “I jumped to Tu-Jia’s defense and claimed that he wasn’t doing anything to me but my cousin was having none of it. He took the man by his neck and _tossed_ him out the front door, telling him that ‘if you ever come back, I will make you a eunuch!’. I got _really_ furious at my cousin...but I guess it was all for the better. He _was_ too soft for me. And that night we spent together, he wanted me to give up my training to go travel around the Kingdom with him. The Prince is much, much more of a fit!” _Was… was that… was that…_ I _had_ to ask “Was that a euphemism?” Suki chuckled. “No. The Prince of the South can provide. Tu-Jia never practiced how to fight and couldn’t hunt and couldn’t really do anything. Nice man but I prefer people who are more in line with Kyoshi herself.” This didn’t end our conversation. Wuhan had yet more things to ask about. 

“So...what about the party? Wouldn’t there have been a mentioned?” and Suki and I looked at each other and realized ‘ _ we forgot to mention that didn’t we’ _ so we did. By we, I mean her. “Father came home the next day and my cousin took full blame for planning the party. He explained to Father that he was going to host a party for everyone his age and demanded to take responsibility for our house being trashed. And Father was...Father. Even with the broken arm, he was punished and confined to the house, told to clean up the entire house and surrounding yard. And he never complained. He never came to me and was like ‘Oh Suki this is your fault’. And I tried to convince Father that it was my fault but he went ‘No, no, your cousin admitted to it.’” and Suki walked over to me and gave me a hug. “Leave it to my cousin to get his arm broken  _ and  _ take the responsibility. He’s the best cousin” and she grinned while  _ headbutting me in the head with her head, good job Suki _ . 

After pulling away from all the disgusting sibling affection, “we three should get some sleep, right? We’ve got a short ride tomorrow” and Suki grabbed her flask, filled it with water, and downed it in one gulp. Wuhan raised his flask and declared “Hear hear! No Imperial toasts! Remember where we are!” and he downed his drink. We finished dinner, put out the fire and went off to sleep.

I took some time to look up at the moonless sky, so bright from the countless number of stars up there... _ and all of that is the Great Hunter’s land, is it? _ . Us three are...so insignificant by comparison. Not that such deep thinking mattered. Far in the distance, a pair of loon-grebes wailed. Cricket-locusts buzzed about. Something  _ hooted _ . And...we were at peace. The forest was tranquil. Idyllic. Even, one could say,  _ romantic _ . Shall I have the highest privilege I could ever amount to, an heir, I would encourage him or her to frequent such land, assuming we have pacified it. Which  _ was  _ the objective of all this. Or...secondary. Primary was to get a pelt for the Empress. 

We woke and it was...still darkness. I guess I was hoping for sunlight? To wake in the loving arms of the Empress? To wake with a sore chest  _ from  _ the loving arms of the Empress? To wake with news of Morning Court and stupid campaigns. News of the Avatar’s whereabouts and the status of Free Cities. Nope. We’re in the  _ icy north _ . We woke to  _ silence  _ and a starry sky. And Wuhan, being attuned to the darkness and also having possession of two working and existing eyes, took some spark rocks to restart the fire from the previous night. We used this firelight to navigate in the… As I asked Wuhan, “Is it the early morning? The late night?” and he snorted, “It’s the winter. There’s lots of nighttime and little day.”  _ Fair point _ .  _ We have the exact same thing back home on Kyoshi Island. Lots of night and little day. _ Wuhan got on his knees and prayed to the Great Hunter for protection, Suki and I opted for some good old Kyoshi veneration, praying for her protection and wisdom. We took turns washing, using gathered stream water. After the three of us took our turns washing and standing guard, we gathered our clothes, packed up our provisions, put out the fire, mounted out ostrich horses, and set out. 

It was  _ still  _ the darkness as we exited through a grove of trees and onto what I could faintly make out as a main ‘pathway’. Emphasis on the ‘main’. In fact, it wouldn’t  _ stop  _ being darkness. We were at the far end of the Empire, that much was certain, and we were travelling even further north of the north. What’s north of the north? More north. Point is, we’re going so far north that the mountains were, in poetic terms, kowtowing towards the North Pole. Or...that’s what some of the mountains looked like. People prostrating themselves on the ground. In not poetic terms, they are mountains and we have no idea how mountains work so we invent spiritual beliefs that sound really appropriate in retrospect but don’t stand up in the present tense. Nonetheless, the three of us and our ostrich horses set off down this main road and towards...somewhere. Speaking of somewhere…

I looked at the silhouette of a fur cape. I was addressing this silhouette. “So when we get up...North, well, wherever we’re going, what are your directions?” Wuhan coughed before responding with, in a professional tone, orders. “You are Hayashi and Sai, from Lands Where Sun Rests in Winter. Do you understand?” and the two of us repeated “We do.” In his Captain’s voice, he demanded “Repeat it.” 

“I am Hayashi, from Lands Where Sun Rests in Winter.” Likewise, Suki repeated hers, “I am Sai from Lands Where Sun Rests In Winter.” In a voice that was as gruff as gravel and as deep as the blackened woods on our flanks, “You are  _ not  _ from the City of Jade, that’s Ba Sing Se. You are my friends, and everything you two know about me, apply it as you can. You, Hayashi, are here to embark on the Path of the Great Hunter. That will earn your legitimacy with the Tribe. We are not here on any business related to the Empire. So… any affiliations you have that are tied into the organization… nope. None. None at all. Got it?”.

He paused to let the two of us think that through.  _ So, I’m not the Earth Emperor, I’m not a General, I’m not the Consort, I’ve nothing to do with the Empress, I’m not in any sort of relationship with her, I don’t even know her. I’m...I might as well be back in Shirahama...before I met the Princess. A nobody. _ The pause ended. “I understand.” “Good, and Sai?” and my cousin snapped back, like a servant responding to a master, “I understand.” “Good.”

A gust of wind hit us then dissipated. “I, as a Man of the Zheng, can get us far enough. We will… earn the Chief’s trust.” Intelligently, Suki inquired “What is our plan?” and Wuhan coughed again. “We’re going to try and convince Father of the dangers of the times. All three of us lived through the Hundred Year War. Our experiences are not fake. I do not know what their knowledge of current events is. I don’t know what the status of the Northern Tribes is, either. I know that Father is not warm to outsiders. All Xishaners are like that. We may still be able to convince them, as long as we give them a purpose. And let us be us.” The way he said ‘us’, he was saying it  _ as  _ a member. “Let us be free. A Banner Army by another name is still an army. It’s possible. We just have to unify. A Chief of Chiefs must arise. A strong man with the blood of the Great Hunter flowing through his veins!” and Wuhan clenched his fist. 

“As for after… at best, they’ll be our buffer state. At worst… let’s not prepare for the worst.” I heard his voice quiver from that last line. I had one more question, it sounds as nonsensical as my Empress is strong, but it was a question. “Will I be able to acquire a pelt?” He raised his fist to the air. “That’s how you’ll get in. You will have to prove yourself as a good hunter.”  _ Which I am, right? Oh come on, of all the times to have self-doubt… _ “”Am I?” “Of course you are, Hayashi.” he replied. “And… ‘Sai’? Is she going to be safe?” Suki didn’t get angry at me for asking, I got the hunch she understood that I meant it in a sense that’s beyond one person’s capabilities. “We aren’t like the Southerners who think women are meant for one...purpose. I’m sure Sai and her knowledge of fighting will help gain reputation. She’ll prove her strength and she’ll be respected.” Then he turned around to look at us. “Remember, we want to leave as allies.”  _ Leave as allies.  _ He spun back around and carried on forward.

In all those stories I read in the Imperial Archives, nobody ever talks about how quiet things can get. When all we can hear is the clopping of ostrich horses.  _ Geng  _ pass slowly as they happen and quickly in the past. The three of us engaged in bits of small talk, but we weaned out of our campfire humor and into more...serious faces. We were doing something never seen before in the history of the Kingdom. We had no military escort, no backup, nothing. Wuhan’s reputation and the two of us’s wits. It was possible, he was going to ensure of that.  _ And we’re the three of us. Is there any task we can’t beat?  _ No, of course not. As we rode down and down, the winds calmed to be nothing more than a light breeze. The quality of the road decreased. There were more holes, little ponds formed by snow.

We were left to think about our pasts, presents, and futures. I had a long time to think. New Taku was… we still did not know. New Taku must be kept as part of the Empire. Ba Sing Se… the Green Headbands… What could that movement bring for my Empress’s home? Or if not home, her residence? I met some of them. They weren’t as bad as the Dai Li made them seem. They were disgruntled soldiers and workers and at least the ones in the Upper Ring were fighting for the right thing. I’ll kill someone who...does those… _ things _ … anytime, anyday, regardless of  _ who  _ they are. And my Empress...Toph…  _ why must you sit back on all these matters? Why can’t you… take more action? I am honored to do as you command…, but… please. Do something _ .  _ I can do this while you do that.  _

I opened my good eye. The sky was light out. We trotted down this path. 

Wuhan brought his mount to a sudden halt. I didn’t even have time to ask what the matter was, he gestured to the trees. Ten,  _ ten _ men appeared at the edge of darkness and light, of the woods and the thin clearing. They were wearing furs and had their bows drawn all the way back. 

“Those are the Zheng.” Wuhan murmured.  _ Into the far north we have come, then _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we meet the Zheng tribe.  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Drunken Storytelling Friends  
> -This whole chapter was written in half the time it normally takes to write a chapter. I had this idea, a road-trip-esque break between Wei-Hung and meeting the Zheng tribe, because this is a journey that took a little more than 2 days, so I figured 'why not add some storytelling'.   
> -No, they didn't spend the whole ride north discussing women.   
> -Mori and Suki and Wuhan tend to act quite professional, not this chapter.  
> -Notice how Wuhan explained that "for the seventh" and "for the eighth" time at the very start and very end of the first 'discussion'. That's a deliberate framing device.  
> -Xi-Haidian is the Haidian Creek  
> -Haidian-Lin means Haidian Forest  
> -In canon, the moose-lion lives in the Southern Earth Kingdom's woods. Here, since it's a boreal climate, I made the moose fit in for more than just aesthetic purposes. As you'll see in a chapter from now.  
> -I'll post this link to the call of a Common Loon, the basis for this bird. Context, imagine that it's the darkness and you're in the wilderness and hear this. https://macaulaylibrary.org/asset/107964   
> -Some call it beautiful, some call it terrifying. You decide.   
> -My opinion: I've heard them in real life. The first few times I did, I found them shiver-down-the-spine inducing. Then on, I found them to be beautiful. A symbol of the boreal wilderness. They're still quite creepy.   
> -Kyoshi Island's elephant koi and cakes are renowned across the world.  
> -tree-tures are tree features. Or, a forest  
> -Sai was always quite mature for her age. The idea of a younger sister to Suki is based on the Crusader Kings 2 Avatar mod.  
> -Mori and Suki weren't actually fighting, it's more of sibling bickering mixed with gossip.  
> -And now, the story behind Suki and Foaming Mouth Guy.  
> -In short, man and woman like one another, Suki held a party and used the opportunity to meet Tu-Jia. The two did some stargazing (unmentioned, hand-holding and laying on laps), soon enough they ended up cuddling together. It's as simple as that.  
> -This is one of the first times Mori voices frustration at Toph's inaction.


	57. Into the Far North: Family Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for some family reunions, and an introduction to the land of the 'Barbarians'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of a long arc, 'Into the Far North'.
> 
> Into the far north...  
> ...we shall take you.  
> A land of neverending darkness in winter.  
> A land of blood rituals and incantations.  
> A land almost devoid of life.  
> A land of hunters.  
> A land surrounded by it's foes.  
> A land hemmed between modernity and savagery.  
> Between the Empire and the Water Tribes, a people that once thrived now merely survive.
> 
> Into the far north we shall take you.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Three: 

I decided to take the initiative first. A dead leader ought to lead a dead army. I’d rather  _ not  _ be a dead leader, thank you very much. I took my hand off my  _ jian  _ hilt and raised it as high as possible. Wuhan had already raised his hands. Suki joined us last, sliding her knives into her waistband. Two men emerged from the forest wearing red-and-grey light armor adorned with fur, simple reddish helmets, thick reddish-brown boots and bearing spear shafts with bone tips. They maintained a safe distance while one archer moved in a mimicry of a cat-deer, hopping from root-to-root and taking a more...let’s call it...advantageous position.  _ Well if you want to put an arrow through my head, you’d be far from the first to try. If I was wearing a queue, you could pin it to that spruce over there _ . 

Captain Wuhan spoke up. “My cousins, I-” but was interrupted by the two jutting their bone spears at him. The man on the left pulled his face covering, a black scarf wrapped around his nose and mouth, down. “You. You three come from lands where the Sun rests,” and they thrust their spears at the mountains above us. It was… ‘daylight’ if one could call it that, but we were all gathered beneath the shadow of a range of mountains to our south.

With all the poeticism of a experd bard and the voice of a deep, deep, Northerner, our loyal bodyguard said “The Great Hunter summoned us with His horn.” and the two, as if this was some kind of secret message, lowered their spears. Their shoulders slumped slightly as they drew their weapons back to a guard position. The same mask-less man from before asked “You follow His path?” and the gruff Northerner smiled. 

He then beat his chest and yelled “I am Kotyan, son of Kozel, son of Koncek, of the Zheng.” The two looked at each other then one whistled a bird call. A chickadee-thrush call, to be specific. “Get the Chief!” the second one shouted. “Brother Kotyan has returned!” the archer who was watching us shouted into the forest. That call was echoed across the woods.  _ Wuhan, you’re just full of surprises this month, no, year, aren’t you? ‘Brother’ Kotyan?  _

The two spearmen were joined by some ten archers, all wearing the same or similar armor, all watching Suki and I like an owl-cat would watch it’s prey. Some wore cat-deer antlers on top of their reddish helmets.  _ Wait, that’s not a fur helmet, that’s the head of the cat deer _ . They stopped with the frustrating ‘about to kill us’ pulled back drawstrings and exchanged shortbows for spears. “Who are your two friends?” the burliest of these asked. Despite sitting on an ostrich horse, he, his beard and his head came up to my torso. “They are from the far south” Wuhan stated, gone was his regular voice and now one that is more...natural? More-accented? It sounds less like he’s forcing a command and more like he’s talking...like him. Suki and I exchanged a glance, I quipped “What is the far south? Weinan?” and the two of us let out a single laugh each.  _ That’s the north. Still the north _ .

We were escorted down a hiking path that was barely even a ‘path’, one person and ostrich horse at the time, while the hunters ran through the underbrush. The ground showed signs of fresh snowfall, probably half-a-foot deep judging by the steps the hunters that led us on were taking. Despite being on the opposite end of the world, there was something familiar about these thickets. The same trees. A spruce grove. Thin spruce that grew to varying heights. And just spruce. Nothing else. The trees were sparser than further south, and at no point was a closed canopy properly formed. You could find a tree a foot or two from another, but it looked nothing like the forests of the rest of the Empire. Large amounts of open land. It’d be a meadowland if there weren’t trees scattered like dice. It’d be a forest with tenfold the number of trees. But it  _ was  _ a forest, since the sparsity of trees extended in all directions. Off to our left was a mire of some kind. The hunters didn’t get stuck in it. Most went around the long side, as if knowing exactly where the ground ended and the bog began. It had the same bog smell as back on Kyoshi Island.  _ I guess spruce bogs everywhere smell the same. No wonder. Toph would probably love this place _ . And when we finally got to the end of wherever we were, we came upon a wooden palisade surrounding a set of houses with large pitched roofs. Suki quietly mused “It’s like home, but it’s not home.” She was right. There was an eerie… parallel, between these pitched roofs, these forests, all of us being in the shadow of great peaks, the way the hunters  _ knew  _ the land. But it wasn’t home. And that was part of why I had this worried feeling in my gut. It looked almost the same. It looked almost the same but it wasn’t the same.

The wall was a ring of wooden stakes planted into the ground. Barely even a ‘wall’. No gatehouse. No gate. No flags. No name of this...place...on a sign. We were led into this village’s main...courtyard? Could it even be called that? Was I really so used to Ba Sing Se that I had forgotten that this land was the ‘common area’, just like back on Kyoshi Island? Yes. I was. This common area was far larger than a courtyard. Two hundred feet, at least, I’d guess, from one side of the common area to the other. 

The children were playing a... _ sport _ ? They were organized into teams. Each child had a stick with a small net on the end. Three children on either side of this ten-person…  _ group? _ ‘team’ had sticks the length of spears and the rest had sticks the length of walking canes. I’ll call them Right and Left for simplicity. Right was charging Left, one of the lead... _ players _ ?, launched a small ball towards Left’s ‘goal,’ a space between two goal posts that a child was defending. The defender caught the ball and passed it over the head of the front three Right players and into the net of a Left player who was flanking wide. The Left player attempted to pass the ball to another Left, only for the ball to be swatted out of the air by a Right. One Right passed to another Right. This Right launched the ball between the two goal posts, and the rest of the Right team dropped their sticks to cheer. As we got closer, I spotted that the sticks had little carvings on them. I wasn’t able to find anything detailed as the hunters alerted the children of our arrival.

They saw our ostrich horses, looked up at  _ us _ , and seemed to scatter like the breeze in all directions. The children’s faces mirrored mine and every other child’s when seeing the Unagi rise for the first time. Terrified amazement. Wonder and fear dueling within the mind. The children, the hunters, were slightly darker in complexion than us. Not olive-skinned like the Water Tribes but not nearly as, as many derogatorily call us, ‘snowy’, as us Kyoshi Islanders. The hunters stuck to the front of the outer ‘houses’ as if forming an impromptu wall of men. I call them ‘houses’ because they were...expansive. Large. But that wasn’t our focus. 

Wuhan signaled for us to dismount. He then gave a slight gesture in the direction of a building double the height of the others. It had the same steep pitched roof, faint signs of it’s brown wood emerging from a blanket of white snow. Suki was taking some deep breaths, which meant that I was probably hyperventilating even if I didn’t know it. Not from the cold, but because... _I know I say ‘it’s not every day’ or it’s analogue often, and that just so happens to be because I keep having these wild adventures, but hear me out, oh parchment..._ It's not every day we are led into some village that we don’t know the name of, the location of, or much about it’s inhabitants. Nobody knows where we are. The children watched us from behind their safe wall of hunters while their mothers put down their quilted clothes and butchered meat and pottery and grabbed spears and axes as if to rise in defense against all _two_ of us outsiders. I couldn’t point at one of them but I saw Suki’s expression go through bewilderment, joy, shock and finally rest on being unsettled. She was clearly happy for these axe-wielding women but like I said to her, “This is _not_ home.” 

One of the hunters stepped in front of the two of us and redirected our attention towards the central building with his spear. “That is Great Hall”  _ Great Hall? It really is like home _ . His accent was thick and nigh incomprehensible. The ‘Great Hall’ had a large moose lion skull above the front entrance. I call it the front entrance like it’s a palace. It was just two doors with large animal furs shielding them.

The structure was illuminated by one large fire in the middle. The smoke billowed up to an exit hole in the roof. On the other end of the fire, an old woman was sitting. Three hunters walked around to the other side of the fire, as if to protect this woman. I was compelled, spears in guard stance, to walk towards the woman. As I walked around the left side of the large fire, I noticed her lifeless brown eyes. Just as Toph does when I walk on stone or any kind of bendable surface, this woman’s glare followed my every footstep. She was joined by a second woman who was carrying some kind of pot. She set the pot upon the fire then walked over towards me. I froze. Her back was quite hunched and she went up to my torso. I saw Suki thinking of her blade and was shaking my head,  _ no, don’t do it _ . This woman’s voice was as withered as her face was wrinkled. “You. Tall. Hair like winter Sun” and she pointed up at me. 

I’d say she reminded me of Toph and her blind gesturing but this was...off putting. I’m confident Toph’s not actually going to flick me through a wall or ten. I’m confident that Toph’s pointing is a manifestation of her preference for being visual, _ha_ , and as all-encompassing as possible with both voice and hand. I’m confident that, I can’t speak for anyone else, but the Empress would never harm me or those I love. This elderly woman? I don’t know. Her white hair fell around her shoulders and down almost to her elbows. It was matted, webs of it tangled like vines. The scent of the pot arrived, a pungent mixture of berries that parted the smell of wood smoke and wood entombed with smoke. 

_ Remember, do not reveal who you are. ‘You are Hayashi, from Lands Where Sun Rest in Winter _ .’ I looked over at the man whose advice ran through my head and he gave a small head nod and mouthed ‘Do as I say’.  _ Got it. I’ll do as the host does _ . I nodded to him. Then he bowed his head dramatically. I bowed my head to her. He did this little gesture with his hand where he lowered his palm. I looked at him and mouthed “kneel?” and he nodded. So I recalled one of the many styles of bowing I’ve had to learn, the regular kneel, and knelt. This old woman who smelled of herbs and the forests she lived amidst put her hands on my head. Her hands were just like Great-grandma’s. I felt like a small five year old once again, kneeling for my elder, whose every word was council.  _ Everything she said was the law. She knew best. She was the last remnant of...long ago _ . 

This woman brought me back to the present with a rickety voice. “You come from the south and yet you come to us, why?” and I felt quite unnerved as she ran her old hands through my hair.  _ Okay, Dai Li, I know the feeling now. I get it, this is why you hate having your hats off _ . I couldn’t look to Wuhan for advice, and I also couldn’t exactly say ‘I’m here to acquire a pelt for a blanket for my blind betrothed who's also the Earth Empress to sleep on while I do her hair’ so I stayed quiet. A  _ miao  _ passed like a  _ fen _ .  _ What do I say?  _ I didn’t know what to say. This was too...unexpected. I couldn’t prepare for what I didn’t no. So I stayed silent. Eventually -was it three  _ miao  _ later? Three  _ fen _ ? I didn’t know- Wuhan chimed in, his voice breaking the air of silence. “He comes to embark on the Path of the Great Hunter.” and the blind old lady’s head rotated like an owl-falcon’s, precisely honing in on the direction the voice came from. “Kotyan? Is that you?” and Captain Wuhan responded like a man ten years younger. “It is I, Shamaness” and he knelt.  _ Kotyan?  _

We were interrupted by an even deeper, gruffer voice, shouting “Where are they?”. Loud stomping footsteps grew closer until the ground I knelt upon shook. The Shamaness took her hands out of my hair and backed up. This man, the creator of the footsteps, came up to my side and looked down at me.  _ Anyone else want to come over and stare at me? No?  _ In a commanding aggressive tone, he declared “You...I have not seen one with hair like sunrise. Get up.” And so I rose. Despite us Kyoshi Islanders being taller than average, he was taller than I. And wearing the skull of some kind of antlered animal only made him larger. The massive fur cape wrapped around him made him look like a mountain. I guess I wasn’t his focus, because he turned around and walked over to the other kneeling figure. Note, Suki was staying in a shadowy part of the room and avoided this...man’s... _ beast’s _ …ire. I watched the knelt Captain be grabbed by the chest, picked up, and  _ hugged _ . “Son, it has been too many winters.” and the man who already seemed like muscles on top of muscles was squeezed by a man who looked as large as the animals whose furs he wore. 

This giant of a man embraced his son as any father would. He gave a prayer to thank The Great Hunter for his son’s safe return. His son thanked the Great Hunter that ‘through all these winters’ his father persisted. After this massive man finished his embracing, Wuhan arose once more Kotyan of the Zheng. The large figure who took up much of the room with just his...I hate to quote Ty Lee, but... _ aura _ ,  _ that’s the best way to put it, his commandeering aura _ , walked over to the shadows of the room and boomed at them, “Young woman, my eyes have not failed me yet” and Suki walked out and probably felt  _ really  _ dumb about herself. “Son, come and sit at your place!” and... _ Kotyan _ … walked over to the fireplace. Then he turned to me while my cousin came up to my side. Once together, he instructed us, “You two, take a seat by the fire” and some of those spear-people from earlier led us to some stone seats. 

Kotyan started first, speaking for the two of us. “Those two are Hayashi and Sai. They come from the far south” and Suki gave an innocent wave and I nodded. “Hayashi, this is  _ Chief _ ” he said that following part with pride, “Kozel” and I had to recall Wuhan’s advice, now paraphrased.  _ Remember, the fancy rules of the Imperial Court have no bearing here. We do not kowtow. We do not submit to others. We haven’t bowed in fealty for years _ . _ We do not have the different social classes of the Empire _ . I imagine Suki was thinking similar thoughts, and that’s why she also intuitively knew to just sit there, politely. 

A strange feeling returned, one I hadn’t had since I had visited, ‘visited’, the Beifong Estate for the first time. I was but a guest in another’s house. The Lord of Gaoling was free to do with me whatever he wished. And he did whatever he wanted to me. The maps call this land the Earth Empire, ha, but I do not have any rule over this. I'm nobody, just some person. Actually, no, even worse than just some person. I had no power over this, just like a prisoner. Step out of line, I can’t just use the excuse of being in an arranged marriage, or the family name, or my blood, to save me.

That said, I approached this situation as I approached the Lord of Gaoling. He didn’t know my intentions. He didn’t know I was going to go against his house’s laws and the expectations of his House. I appeased him as much as a duck-goose can appease the hunter. All monarchs, rulers and petty warlords alike demand respect. It’s an unspoken rule. If someone is telling you you need to respect this person, you’re probably about to die or the person’s a pretender. I presumed that so too would someone like Chief Kozel want the respect of I and my cousin. Besides, Captain Wuhan, or Kotyan, is one of our greatest allies and companions. I could just do as he advises. And ‘sit there, don’t speak until spoken to’ was his mouthed advice. 

Despite being, I don’t remember,  _ thirty?,  _ Kotyan spoke to his father like one would speak to the Fire Lord. Except without all the bowing and proper titling. With pride simmering in his voice, “Father, I have seen the ends of the world.” The old Chief, as one may predict, had a look of ‘oh?’ disbelief. Then he looked at Suki’s hair and mine. Auburn hair. He looked at Suki’s patient resolve and my simple eyepatch. He looked at how the two of us were smiling at that understatement of a proclamation. And he looked back at his son and grabbed him, pulling him into another enveloping hug. “You have made the Zheng proud. Tell me, son, what have you seen?” and the Chief looked at us, not his son. We kept smiling - _ stay quiet! _ \- and acted like good little courtly people.

Kotyan looked up at him and regaled him. “I have seen the Impenetrable City of Jade stabbed twice. I have seen the Ashmakers driven back to the shores of our ancestors. I have seen the Ashmaker capital, Caldera, be set alight from great beasts of iron. And I turned the holy city of the Bastard Sons of the North Star to rubble!” The Chief stood up and let out a howling cheer. “My son truly  _ is  _ my firstborn!” and he jumped a toe’s height into the air, his landing causing a small quake in the ground. He pointed at the walls, slowly spun around, and declared “Tonight, we will hold a great feast in honor of my firstborn!” and the shadowy figures barely visible from amidst the shadows cheered in guttural voices. I thought of saying something. To request something. I was about to say ‘Your’ then I remembered,  _ there is no such title _ . So I addressed him as I’d address a lower-ranked official.  _ Title. Mayor. Magistrate. Captain _ . “Chief, I have travelled…” and I had to recall a system of dating that the Tribes would understand, since seasons don’t exist here. “I have travelled a full moon-”  _ I haven’t. But don’t tell him that _ . “-to come here to...hunt.”

The Chief squinted. “And why should the Zheng game lands be opened to you, a cat-deer in the home of the saber-toothed moose-lion?”  _ Weird analogy, unless moose-lion eat cat-deer _ . Kotyan stood up, both literally and metaphorically for me. “Because he-” he palm gestured to me, “-and she-” then to Suki, “-have travelled to the ends of the world, too. They watched the Ashmakers of Caldera die. They raided Caldera. They killed Ashmakers in their own royal homes. They came with me to the North Pole. And him-” and he pointed at me “-he defeated the Ashmaker Lord after taming the sky”.  _ I didn’t defeat any Fire Lords. Azulon was killed by the Imperial Tutor’s pupil’s daughter, so no, nothing to do with me. Toph killed one using one of my arrows, sure. I definitely didn’t kill Azula, and Zuko’s not going anywhere until we find someone even more gullible _ . 

Maybe the reality didn’t matter. Maybe it  _ is  _ about storytelling. The Chief lumbered over to me and I had to look up towards the ceiling to see this man properly. The lower part of his face was illuminated by the fire. His eyes were hidden under the pelt of the dead moose-lion he wore. “You, Man from Lands Where Sun Rests in Winter...you fought an Ashmaker Lord?” I gulped. I wasn’t lying when I said “I fought him...it was brief…” though of course the context is wildly different. I threw a whiskey bottle that broke open on the head of the Fire Lord, that staggered him for long enough that he didn’t come down with a killing blow against the Avatar. Then Toph popped out of the ground and built the Fire Lord’s own tomb for him. While the Chief looked down at me, Kotyan decided to continue standing up for me. “He killed an Ashmaker General and that’s why he lost an eye.” The Chief grabbed my eyepatch and pulled it off. I opened the eyelid, I still had function over it, and in place of an eye he saw a small metal one. He stepped back, looked me once over from forehead to boot, and I tried my best to stay still. I didn’t shake from nervousness, I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t going to let myself be afraid. I was being truthful.  _ He can’t deny me being me.  _

Because of this, the Chief man, with a single hand, picked me up and embraced me in a hug..  _ I’m not a pillow, but thank you.  _ “You conquered the sky and fought the Fire Lord, Sunrise Hair”. Suki, being the best person ever, added one more in. “He actually  _ fought  _ the Fire Lord at sunrise in the sky”.  _ Thanks Sukes. Even in a far corner of the world, I know I can count on you and your complimentary sarcasm.  _ The Chief walked back to his son and whispered something to him. The latter then whispered something else to the former and the former announced, booming, “Outsider, I invite you to come on a hunt.” Suki grinned and tapped me on the shoulder  _ like I don’t get it already, because I get it already _ . “I accept,” and I made sure  _ not  _ to bow, “are we going to set off tomorrow or-” He stomped the ground, interrupting me. “We set off  _ now _ !” Before I had time to go ‘wait I’m tired from a short day of trying to get here,’ he yelled “Hunters! With me!” and stomped over to the door. I looked to Kotyan for advice but he gave me this  _ ‘if you don’t follow what he says we’re all going to die’  _ look. Maybe he was being dramatic, maybe not. I was going to follow him anyways, for I am a stranger in this land. And, afterall, by Imperial Mandate, I’m only legally here to get a fur blanket. I don’t want to die over the retrieval of a blanket.

Before I left, I should mention that this Great Hall wasn’t like our Great Hall. It was one large living space. It must’ve been three hundred Consort’s feet long, maybe thirty or forty wide. As has been said, the interior was quite dark. How these people navigate it so effortlessly without any torches is beyond me. Up against the walls were small ‘walled’ off areas with bunks. They weren’t truly rooms, they lacked a ceiling and half a wall, but they weren’t fully open. Elsewhere on the ground floor, smoking racks, pottery stations, and places where people do knitting and quilting. The loft had more bunks and storage racks. I don’t have the depth perception to go exploring but I counted two dozen ‘cells’ with bunk beds in them, just illuminated by the central fire’s light. And the structure extends much further into the dark. So this could fit a hundred people, easy. A hundred,  _ no _ , two hundred? More? 

All of this was reinforced by the everpresent smell of wood smoke. An alluring smell. A beautiful smell. A distracting smell. The scent of a herbal remedy and smoked meats, a distasteful combination, weaved it’s way over while I looked around. After it came the smell of moss. Nearer to the bunks, the air was stagnant and unmoving, the smoke hole’s powers unable to extend this far. Everything was warm. Good for fighting the winter, bad for the flow of air. Lastly, the furs and blankets smelled of human density. I was pulled away from this by Kotyan’s strongarm.

Kotyan ‘escorted’ me, staying at my side, as we followed the Chief and his circle of men out. Green peasant garb -even if it’s covered in fur on the inside- makes me stick out, granted not as badly as the blue Imperial Informal Robe. Or even worse, the Imperial Armor. Suki ran up to my side, correction, the side of the circle. “Sai, don’t.” and she gave me this  _ why  _ look. While the Chief and fifteen of his men gathered at the village’s entrance, I leaned in to whisper to Suki. “Kotyan has got me. You stay here and watch our provisions and ostrich horses.” Did I think these tribespeople would take our stuff? I didn’t ‘think’ it, I was taking a precaution. It’s always a good idea to take a precaution. Suki reluctantly nodded and “I’ll scout.” “Stay safe, Sukes.” “You know I will.” ‘Scout’.  _ That’s how she passes time. _

Walking up to the Chief, he handed me a quiver filled with red-fletched arrows. “Take off your quiver, those Southern arrows aren’t going to catch you a ptarmigan quail, let alone a moose lion”. I pulled one of the arrows out. Not that the Imperial Archivists have ever  _ seen  _ arrows, let alone released them from bows, but if they did, they would’ve known that this arrow was a broadhead. Perfect for penetrating something that mortal men probably shouldn’t hunt in the first place.  _ Then again, Toph went hunting Fire Lords. Singular. A Fire Lord _ .  _ And she killed him with a bodkin.  _ Correction, mortal  _ men  _ shouldn’t go hunting these great beasts of the northern forests. While I tossed my quiver on, one of the antler-wearers professed “Chief, darkness falls soon.” The Chief and his absolutely huge shoulders turned to the small man and countered, while pointing at the sky, “So? The Sunrise haired outsider has conquered the skies. Night shall not be his foe.” 

We were interrupted by a woman’s voice and a pair of running feet. “Kozel, where is our firstborn?” and she was quite delighted to see Kotyan turn around. And he went wide-eyed like a small child. “You...you’ve returned from the south!” the young woman joyfully said in surprise, and many older-sister-to-younger-brother hugs were traded. Yes, I write this like an outsider. One, we  _ are  _ outsiders if it wasn’t obvious. And two, Suki and I didn’t have the privilege of a mother-son or much-older-sister-younger-brother hugs. Not that we were jealous. We weren’t. “And you are?” I quietly,  _ or I thought I was being quiet _ , asked. “Akgul” Kotyan replied for my sake. Then he went back to hugging. Kotyan whispered something in between all that hugging, which is why she said “Young friend of Kotyan” and I turned to face her. “I come to offer my prayers for your successful hunt” followed by her saying something quietly accompanied by raised hands. _ A prayer to the Great Hunter.  _ After she finished, “Thank you-”  _ don’t say ‘lady,’ _ , “-Akgul.” I have no idea what she said but it’s the thought that counts. Note, it’s a good thing she didn’t ask me to join her in prayer. Suki gave me a -  _ you’re crazy, but so am I - _ look over from the house the three ostrich horses were tied to. I resisted the urge to laugh at that truthful claim. “Let’s go!” the Chief yelled, Kotyan broke off from the hugging, and we departed through the same village entrance. Skiless.

Even though the Sun was still up, we’d never glimpse it, just as we never saw it throughout the ‘day’ due to the high mountains, and the sky was still light, time wasn’t on our side. Any who have spent time in the mountains knows that darkness falls fast in the mountains. Especially around the times of the neverending nights. Any Kyoshi Islander could tell you what the neverending nights were like.  _ Nothing but twilight. Better get used to it.  _ We marched deep into the snow-covered woods. They weren’t dark like the forests further south, even in Yancun, due to a lack of a persistent canopy. This made walking easy.  _ It would’ve been easier if we had skis. But we didn’t.  _

The Chief was in the front, a true leader, his son behind him, me to Kotyan’s side, the rest of the band surrounding the two of us. The Chief, despite his stature and the thick snow we were trekking through, maintained the pace of a brisk jog. His son kept up with him and I followed Kotyan. I copied every move. If he jumped, I’d jump. The band was...surprisingly talented. The front couple runners set four or five paths through the woods, the rest of us used the same trails. It was most reminiscent of how, despite the high amount of snow, the Kyoshi Warriors and Kyoshi Islanders in general are able to run into the uplands. The same uplands that no  _ daofei  _ can penetrate because they’re steep, and yet for us it’s… well it’s home. We know where the rocks are, snow or no snow.

Some fifteen  _ fen  _ later, the Chief stopped in place like his legs were cut out from under him. But that wasn’t what happened. As the hunters stopped and the sound of packed snow being crushed ceased, he whispered “listen” to his son and I. I breathed in and out, the air was cold enough that my breath was clearly visible even against the dim light.  _ Crack. Smash _ . Somewhere out in the distance something was breaking trunks. No man can hew trees with such force. The Chief walked up to a small rocky outcrop. The two of us followed him. “You, Sky Conqueror, has my son told you about The Path of the Great Hunter?” and I...had to pause.  _ Do I lie? Do I tell the truth? No...if I lie, I die. If I tell the truth...I might not die as quickly _ . “No, Chief.” I shook from his intimidating dark brown almond-shaped eyes examining me. Testing me with his eyes. He smiled. I could barely see the smile, but I saw the cheeks lift up. A man as tall as a young spruce and as wide as an ostrich horse  _ smiling _ . And I’m normally called ‘the tall one’,  _ thank you blood of Kyoshi _ . He put a hand on my shoulder. “My own younger sons must go through the same. Do not worry.” That right there should’ve been a hint for the future, but I was too busy being immersed in the environment and everything whizzing by at high speed to realize it. 

He handed me a pouch, “water” he claimed, and I downed it. _Mmm. Snowmelt._ Then he explained what I was going to do. “You will go out to hunt that animal and we will act as your witnesses. My son will call upon our ancestors to grant you success. We never do this for outsiders, but my son has stood for you. He will assist you with all the prayers as you are about to strike the animal down. When it comes to the hunt, it is between you and the animal. Either you kill it or it kills you” _I faintly remember Wuhan mentioning this_ , and the Chief slapped my back with his shoulder. _I guess that’s ‘good luck’_. “Whenever you are ready” and he gestured for the band to spread out. I looked around at the trees and the trunks. I vaguely remember Wuhan mentioning... _scratching the bark?_ Something like that? _It was so so long ago. The opposite side of the world in a cabin somewhere just after ascending into the Omashuan Mountains. It was our last night before adopting Lord Qiangyang. Oh, it was a simpler time. No… no it wasn’t. I was still worried about the future then_. “Chief, what are my restrictions?” He thundered over to me and told me, in a whisper, “it is between you and the animal. There are none.” and I had an idea as bright as the noontime summer Sun. 

I drew my black  _ jian  _ and started cutting into the tree. I slowly, methodically, chopped into the bark. I scraped the bark off. I wasn’t going to damage my blade if I cleaved the bark and just the outer bark, off. The band got further and further away until they became like phantoms weaving their way through the snows. I heard something, much closer, crack. A tree trunk  _ cracked _ . I kept cutting into the tree. The hacking noise was working. A few more chops and I heard the loud sounds of  _ something  _ crushing snow underfoot or underhoof. I sheathed my blade. From up on the hill to the right, Kotyan looked at ‘it’, fell to his knees, and began chanting some kind of prayer. Something like “Ancestors, give your strength…”. I’m sorry to say this but I couldn’t pay attention to his incantation. Something made a tree trunk  _ fall over _ with the top of the fifty foot adult spruce landing in the clearing a few feet to my right. I peeked out behind the trunk I had been hacking at and an adult saber-toothed moose-lion was... _ there _ … some thirty paces over. He was looking  _ down  _ at me. He was hitting the trunk with his antlers. And his antlers...his antlers made him appear as wide as a truck. His antlers formed the shape of a wide crescent moon. And this crescent-moon headed  _ beast  _ saw me. The green clothes didn’t help. It was in that moment that ‘either you kill it or it kills you’  _ really  _ stuck. 

But...I did travel up here to get Toph a fur blanket. Come blood moons and burning seas, I yelled to the beast “I’ll be getting my blanket! Or I’ll die here!”. 

I took out my bow and put one of these beautiful broadheads in my bow hand. I had nowhere to run to. I couldn’t run  _ up  _ the hill, he’d give chase. So I ran out from behind my cowering position of a spruce trunk, and took some inspiration from Lord Qiangyang.  _ A bellow of war. _ I gave him the best bellow that an exhausted man  _ could  _ give while nocking an arrow. This large animal didn’t take kindly to that and kicked up three feet of snow with his front right foot.  _ Aim. Not the head. You can do it.  _ He lowered his antlers and charged me as he would charge a rival mate during rutting season.  _ Thwick _ . His left front leg was impaled by my arrow. He was still in charge. I could’ve jumped back or dived for the ground or ducked out of the way. But I didn’t. I dropped my bow and drew my  _ jian _ .  _ Either you die or I die _ . The tribesmen could’ve been shouting praises. I didn’t care. This was a duel between him and I. He only made it ten paces before buckling under the gaping wound in his leg. His seemed to grunt, or wail, in pain at the wound. 

His hot painful breaths colored the darkening air as, despite buckling to a wound, this animal  _ tried  _ to get back up. He tried. His leg was bleeding out and yet he took his other front hoof and dug in, forcing himself back up. He made it a single foot before falling over. And yet, he didn’t give up. He swung his head side-to-side, trying to strike me down with his gigantic antlers. I picked up my bow, nocked an arrow, two  _ miao  _ in total, and,  _ thwick _ , it went into his neck. The juicy part of his neck. Kotyan’s cries finally reached my ears. “You must repeat this prayer before he dies!” and I glanced up at him. The prayer was something along the lines of ‘thank you, oh wild brother of the forest, for giving us your life so that we may live’ or something like that. As I walked over to him, the snow around him staining red, I felt a kind of affinity for this beast. Even in his final moments, he tried to lunge at me with his antlers. He lacked the strength, he may have lived for a few more  _ fen _ if he stayed still, but yet he brought his head as high as he could  _ just  _ to try and strike at me. This beast was about to die, and he refused to give up. He swung and swung, frantically trying to hit a man just out of range. If he had his legs, I’d have been gored. Instead, he blinked and blinked and watched me, the silent hunter that felled him. I didn’t taunt him back. Was he confused by me? Probably.  _ And yet, he didn’t give up _ .

He moved his head side to side. Each attempt grew more desperate, each attempt was slower than the last. And yet, he didn’t give up. Each antler was the size of a great  _ jian _ blade. If only he had the strength, he could’ve cut me down. He didn’t. He tried and failed. He didn’t give up. His motions depleted himself of endurance, but his eyes showed a fire. A persistence. He’d swing all day and night if the ground beneath us wasn’t turning red. Eventually, his head fell onto the ground. He could no longer twist and turn. All he could do was watch. 

As I approached him, I drew my black blade and planted it in the snow a few feet out of range of this fellow duelist. I then got to my knees and prayed to him. I wanted to let him know my gratitude. “When my last day comes, may I be given the endurance that this fellow duelist has. May I be given his strength and his drive to keep going.” He watched me doing something he’d never seen before. Perhaps it terrorized him. It didn’t matter. I told him, in my own way, that I would memorialize this fight. It may have been short, and it may have been without the heroic pomp of others, but this moose-lion would never be forgotten. He tried and tried and tried all the way until his own body gave out.

I drew my blade from the snow and gave him another prayer. Not one that Kotyan wanted me to say, but one of my own. “You will never be forgotten, fellow duelist.” I plunged it into his throat, cutting a massive gash in the side of it, spurting blood everywhere and onto my clothes. He bellowed a final pained breath, and died. The sullen silence was annihilated by a symphony of twilight bird calls, far-distant bird wails, and the deep-voiced cheers of the hunters I had gone out to journey with. 

These hunters trudged their way down from the heights, loudly yelling praises towards my tactics, the spectacle, and of course the kill. Bloodsoaked hands helped with that as Kotyan personally grabbed me and lifted me up like a proud father. “He’s a Man of the Zheng!” he shouted and the rest of the hunters chanted in agreement. The Chief ended  _ all  _ with a single loud stomp. From all the way up the steep hill slope, he yelled “We can celebrate back home! We must make for the village!” and he pointed at the sky.  _ It’s getting dark _ . The hunters quieted down, Kotyan dropped me, and I looked around at the fast-darkening woods. Moments ago, the distinct colors of the brown tree trunks and this fellow fighter’s fur contrasted. Now, they were the same dull color. The snow wasn’t as white. I wiped my hands down on my clothes -I had nothing else  _ to  _ wipe them down on- as four hunters grabbed the dead animal and began the arduous slow process of lugging him back to… ‘the village’.  _ Where we’d be staying. For now _ . 

We took to similar marching positions,  _ is that even the right word?. ‘Formation’ doesn’t apply to a hunting band _ , that we had used to reach this nameless grove. While on the march, the Chief spoke a few words to me. “You, Sky Conqueror, you remind me of a woman from our history. She too had sunrise hair.” I looked at Kotyan, murmuring ‘who is he talking about?’ and earning Kotyan’s shrug. “Who?” Kotyan asked like a pupil to a teacher. The Chief responded “I don’t know. I know she had sunrise hair. The Shamanesses would know her name.” and Kotyan turned to me and clarified, being a walking guide to these Northerners, “We haven’t had outsiders enter our lands in many years. And everything’s oral history.” This clarification attracted the annoyance of the Chief and his question of “What is ‘oral?’” I  _ looked  _ at Kotyan, he casually looked back at me before realizing that such… well no disrespect meant… simplicity, was new to me. Kotyan defined it without defining it. “It is the history the Shamanesses tell, Father.” The Chief didn’t seem the type to care about a word’s meaning. His ears were like Nan’s, constantly listening to the woods around us as we marched through them. 

About ten  _ fen  _ of walking later, the Chief halted, forcing the rest of us to stop. He didn’t move, he just...listened.  _ Smash _ . He stomped the ground and to our right an earth pillar sent some fur-cape wearing man flying into the sky. As simple as that, our skirmish began.

A flurry of uncoordinated arrows, like a flock of birds escaping in all directions from a single predator, were launched at us. But not before the Captain and his father, together, produced an earth wall to shield us off. A dozen  _ pings _ on icy snow. The Zheng hunters drew their bows and their spears, Kotyan drew his  _ dao _ , and the Chief pulled his lumberman’s axe off his back and  _ smiled _ . As I had no idea who, what, where, how, I instinctively went for the  _ jian _ . And thankfully for me, our opponents were kind enough to charge us. In my case, a few... _ wait I recognize these people _ .  _ Mercenaries _ . Kotyan did, too. Three of these men ran at me with their spears in hand. I parried one shaft while jumping to the side and grabbing another. I lunged forward and  _ stab _ , went through the fur-wearing chest of this man. For the first and third, I ran at them and they truly  _ were  _ upjumped peasants, they involuntarily raised their spears to try and block my strike. But my blade parried those shafts and  _ slice  _ two wielders with one motion. Kotyan...Kotyan did  _ not  _ use the same techniques he had applied earlier. Now, he was opting for something more...brutal? He swung his  _ dao  _ and pulled spikes out of the ground to impale people’s feet, legs and chests. It wasn’t precise or coordinated. Anything the spikes hit the spikes hit. His  _ dao  _ strikes lobbed boulders at people. As for his father? 

His father swung a six-foot axe as fast as Fire Lady Mai throws her daggers.

While the rest of us were in a scattered formation, using tree trunks to protect flanks, sometimes pairing up, the archers moving back and forth to harry from multiple angles, Chief Kozel charged forward. He charged into the enemy mob,  _ mob _ , a mob as many as the trees they were in. He swung his axe like one would use a scythe on a wheat field, hewing a half-dozen people in one swing. The mercenaries weren’t the most aggressive of fighters, I’d argue they were opportunists who sensed when they could charge and did. 

Kozel didn’t obey their rules. He didn’t obey  _ any  _ rules. He grabbed one mercenary with the back of his axe, pulled him over, picked him up by the  _ legs _ and swung an axe in one hand and a human being in the other. The person was broken into pieces, bloody bloody pieces, as he was bludgeoned against his fellow mercenaries. At one point he came down with a vertical axe strike that acted like a katana, except somehow even more brutal, cutting a man from head-to-toe into two imperfect parts. At this move, that man’s allies  _ backed up _ to say the least. In the South, we don’t often pursue our opponents unless we’re mounted. It costs time that could be used for regrouping, or as Imperial Doctrine likes to say; ‘a strong defense first’. Kozel...isn’t from the South. He ran through the woods chasing the routing mercenaries like a hunter chasing cat-deer until he was surrounded in all directions by a spear-circle much akin to the one Suki, Akisada and I found ourselves in the other day. 

Except this time, he had the range. His axe was the size of their spears. And if it wasn’t, he chopped the spears into pieces -they  _ are  _ wood after all- and the men soon after. To call that the limit of his capabilities was an understatement. While the rest of us sliced, stabbed and released arrows into a cyclical enemy, the Chief made his own exit path. A six-foot axe is meant to be used for chopping wood, but what people don’t know is that it doubles as an excellent throwing weapon. He tossed it, the axehead flipping over itself before being planted in the armored chest of one mercenary. As that mercenary had dropped his spear during the unfortunate difficulty known as death, the Chief picked it up. The Chief spun it around like a quarterstaff, forming a small circle of clocked heads and empty room to move. But he didn’t like empty space. 

A quick intermission. I fought a spear-wielder, then another, then another, and the exhaustion had gotten to the point that swinging my blade was...tiring. Since not everyone has indefinite endurance. One of these attackers was a knife-wielder. He came at me from above and I blocked with the scabbard-hand while stabbing with the other. I was too slow on the block. His knife went into my arm. I stuck him in the chest and  _ buried  _ that blade in him. He fell over and that was a natural excuse for me to pull the blade out. I still didn’t register the stab. Thus, intermission over. 

So Kozel grabbed one squirming piece of prey, armlocked it, and popped the head off. These mercenaries had undone hair. He swung the head around by its hair strands like one would swing a meteor hammer. That was enough for most of them to take their gear and  _ leave _ . But he wasn’t done. One of the men in this mob was a fur-caped wearing man similar in look to him. That fighter brought an axe down against the axe-wielder,  _ note, not a good idea _ . In the South, that’d be a parry. In the North, that’s the prelude to Chief Kozel grabbing the man and ripping his throat out with his  _ teeth _ . He made sure to spit out the remnants of that man’s gushing artery. He looked  _ over _ , quite literally, the routing men, and at Kotyan and I. I wasn’t shocked, or disgusted.  _ Very Kotyan. I guess it runs in the blood _ . He stomped through the snow towards us. At one point, he halted to hammerfist a routing man so hard he was sent into the earth until just his chest and head stuck out, at which point he kneed the man in the face so hard his face shattered like a broken window. With a quick swing of his axe, he lobbed a fur-cape wearer’s head off. Holding the man’s head by his braid, he held the head up to show his son and I. “Gerse” he spat, and he tossed the head into a tree. The mercenaries and their fur-wearing friends fled east. And night had fully come.

The hunting band regrouped, or...returned to being within earshot of one another. The archers were filling their quivers, Kotyan and I were cleaning our blades and the Chief got to our theoretical centerpoint and spoke to all of us at once. One-by-one, he called out their names to check their status. “Etrek?” “Here.” “Elde?” “Here.” “Girgan?” “Here.” “Begluk?” “Here.” “Short Uzur?” “Here.” “Togli” “Here.” “Ituk?” “Here.” “Itrek?” “Here.” “Gzi-Aepak?” “Here.” “Borc?” “Here.” “Kubasar” “Here.” “Atrak?” “Here.” “Sevenc?” “Here.” “Sugr?” “Here.” “Sokal?” “Here.” “Kotyan?” “Here, my father.” “Sky Conqueror?” I didn’t know if I wanted that to be my name, but alas, “Here, Chief.” 

He had his four best hunters, Etrek, Itrek, Kubasar and Borc, grab the fallen saber-toothed moose-lion and carry it. As we walked back to the village, I had a momentary lapse in my walking map of a mind and asked of both father and son “Who are the Gerse?” Kotyan replied, not turning to speak to me since we’re north of the Xiongnu Wall, “They’re a tribe from the western lands of the Northern Air Temple.”  _ Wait. Wait. That Gerse.  _ The momentary lapse ended. I spoke up far too loudly for the situation, _ forgive me _ , I was surprised at the revelation, “That’s...That’s a couple provinces east of here.” The Chief came to a halt, turned slightly, and went “Oh? You’ve taken to the air and you’ve fought a Lord of Ashmakers. And you also know maps? What else do you know?” But before his father could get more inquiry-ing, “Father, we don’t have time to sit and wait. The Sky Conqueror learned his maps before he came up here.” The Chief reluctantly agreed. 

We came upon the village and were greeted by lots of young men and women. Collectively, they shouted, in a near incomprehensible dialect, “The hunters have returned!” All these men and women had the same undone hair. The hunters, fine, but  _ everyone _ ? It’s a surprise, to be sure. And that wasn’t the only surprise. The Chief grabbed my  _ off-hand  _ arm and held it up, yelling “This outsider has completed the Path of the Great Hunter!” The crowd cheered. “What is his name?” many asked. “The Shamaness will tell us!” the Chief countered. A literal path was cleared for me to walk to the Great Hall. Suki ran over to me, also jovial. “Good job, Hayashi!” and all that. Then she noticed the bleeding wound I had yet to register as being painful and...went pale. “What... _ did you get stabbed again _ ?” and she likely took ahold of the arm. I countered with “I fought a man, I won.” She didn’t understand that reference.

Suki immediately ran up to the Chief and yelled “this man needs that wound to get stitched before it infects!” and the Chief looked  _ down  _ at her and laughed. “He bled in battle?” he asked. She grabbed my arm and pointed at the bleeding wound. I nodded, because it wasn’t obvious. “You bled for the Zheng. This proves you are a Man of the Zheng!” and the Chief let out a great roar which earned the howling approval of his tribe. He looked into the crowd and yelled “Girls! Where are my girls?” and two women weaved through the crowd. Kotyan saw them and ran over. “Gundes? Sirin?” he asked in disbelief, and the two women giggled. “Kotyan…” one of them said before he cut her off. “Last time I saw you, you” and he pointed at the left one “were about to go on your rite of passage” and he pointed to the right one “and you were jealous that ‘if Gundes gets to go, why can’t I?’” and the three took to a quick group hug. “It’s been too long, elder brother,” one of them said. “Go to the Chief” Kotyan ordered. They detached from him and walked over to the Chief, Suki and I. “Escort the new Man of the Zheng to the healing hut” and the Chief moved out of the way to let the two women look me over. They then turned around and led the way. The crowd kept cheering “Man of the Zheng!” as I passed. They were quite content to celebrate. Suki followed me, keeping a sharp eye out for “attackers and assassins”, as she claimed. That may have been the usual that we’d see in Ba Sing Se. Except this wasn’t Ba Sing Se. This was the middle of nowhere in Majia Commandery. “We’re not  _ in _ ...there” I reminded her. The crowd was pulled away with cheers for an oncoming dinner. We were led to one of the village’s many structures.

We walked inside and found a deserted building. It was small enough that all corners were illuminated by the central firelight. “What is your name?” one of the pair of girls asked.“Hayashi, and she’s Sai” I said, pointing at Suki to help with all that descriptive stuff. “Hey-ash-ay?” the fur-clothed woman, well they both were but she was wearing more furs, asked, butchering the name. “Close enough,” I conceded. She pointed at a bed, “Lie down over here” and after one  _ she’s okay  _ nod from Suki, I followed her instructions. She pulled out a small metal needle and some kind of fabric, among other supplies from some kind of stone...table-object that contained pottery bowls filled with what smelled like herbs and balms. 

The other woman was busy looking intently at my arm. “How did you get this?” she asked me all interrogatively. “I fought, I won,” I said, proud, earning a newfound grin from Suki. _Can’t take my stupid credit_. “What stabbed you?” she asked in a voice that Lady Sugar Queen may find similar. “I think it was a knife,” I thought, I said. I didn’t remember since I wasn’t paying attention. The truth was, I was busy watching the Chief cut men in two. This interrogative woman yelled “Sirin! Get the milk of clouds” _Milk of clouds? What?_ Which only sparked my next statement. “Forgive my lack of knowledge, but what’s milk of clouds?” and the woman I was speaking to gave me this serious look that I had no idea how to perceive. _Can’t tell some things. Eye? Can you see it?_ Just like a waterbender I know, she avoided the answer, instead opting for a “It’ll help when we stitch up your arm.” Suki jumped in with a vague-busting “What _is_ it? What is it made from?” This woman responded with, calm in tone, “It calms.” “I’m not going to find out, am I?” I asked, and she giggled. The other woman walked over carrying a bowl. Suki stuck her hand in while the woman carried it over. “Can I taste it first?” she offered. _Thanks for being my taste tester, Sukes_. “Hayashi! It’ll knock you out! Don’t worry, we use this stuff all the time!” shouted the voice of Kotyan, who just walked in. Now, Kotyan’s a reliable person. I trust him. Meanwhile in my mind, _oh, so it’s just like whiskey?_. I demanded, “Just give it to me and let’s get this over with.” Watching that woman, Gundes, holding that large sewing needle was intimidating and, as I thought, _if this is whiskey, I’d rather put all this behind me as soon as I could_. “Sai, you’ll make sure everything’s done right?” I asked her while the other woman, Sirin, brought the bowl up to my mouth. She gave the most honest shrug I’ve ever seen. _Hey, at least you’re honest_.

Why, at my young age, I’m so familiar with healing remedies is beyond me. Well, no it’s not beyond me.  _ I know why _ . I brought that upon myself. That said, this liquid tasted like sweeter milk.  _ I guess that makes sense, it’s called milk of clouds or something _ . Whatever  _ else  _ was in it kicked in almost right after drinking. I thought whiskey could knock a person out fast,  _ well most whiskey’s too weak for my Kyoshi Islander-ness _ , no. This is the new temporary record for fastest knockout. I say temporary because as surely as day becomes night, so too will I have to ingest  _ other  _ strange liquids with weirdly off-putting tastes that are also addictive. It’s a certainty. Credit to their broth, I fell asleep  _ before  _ hearing the two of them talk about how ‘nice’ me and my undone strands of auburn hair looked. But because Suki was there, she remembered all the events that had happened. 

I don’t know about the Fire Nation, I can’t vouch for the weird shower attendant men and women, but it’s usually a part of being...decent, to not make flirtatious remarks about your patient while operating on them. And sure, stabbing my arm with a needle fifty times isn’t the same level of surgery as removing a crossbow bolt, but it still counts. I think. It’s not like we have laws for these things. Important context, I had no idea any of this was happening.

No, no, they gave me the  _ good  _ stuff and I was sent into a strange spiraling world of dreams and imagination. Namely, I was dueling this saber-toothed moose lion again. And for some reason he was able to speak words that I could understand. We engaged in a duel, one armed with a bow and Piandao-forged  _ jian _ , one armed with two antlers that he swung like a matched set of  _ jian _ . I struck him down with two arrows, just as I did before.

But something...peculiar happened next. A product of the liquids I was ingesting, I assume. Or maybe dream rules. The forest changed to be of mixed woods, and a voice called out to me from somewhere in the trees. A voice I hadn’t heard in...a year, at least. And yet his...formally deceptive rat-snake tone was of iconic respute.

The Lord of Gaoling, Lao Beifong. There he was, dressed in the same robes I last saw him in. White and light green robes. He taunted me, “You ran away from Ba Sing Se to fetch a stupid blanket!”  _ I did it for Toph _ . He taunted me. “You do anything Toph says. You’re her tool!”  _ I serve my Empress _ . He taunted me. “You let  _ her  _ command you to attack Dong-Ji!”  _ I do my duty. _ He taunted me. “You stole my daughter!”  _ I rescued her.  _

He attempted to scare me. “I will have vengeance for he who stole my daughter!” He clenched his fist. “A Beifong does not make a poor investment!” 

So what did I do? What did I say to him? How did I diplomatically resolve this? 

In the fever dream, my Empress commanded me, “He tried to get  _ us  _ assassinated! Arrest him!”

So I did the next best thing. I took an arrow out of my quiver, slowly nocked it, and stuck it through his chest.  _ Just like hunting a duck-goose _ . 

I ran at him, he was petrified and froze. I drew my black blade, and with a single great swing, lobbed off his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for the Zheng, part I:  
> -The chapter title and arc title is from Unreal World: 'Into the far north we shall take you'.  
> https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/37472115556371850/9F291822882A5D6429544089C9D7062EA74E8EC9/?imw=512&imh=512&ima=fit&impolicy=Letterbox&imcolor=%23000000&letterbox=true
> 
> -We learn Wuhan's real name, Kotyan.  
> -All names are courtesy the CK2 Avatar mod, pre-name addition patch.  
> -The 'Barbarian' (Xishan, Beishan, etc.) names are Turkic in origin. They're 'foreign' to the Sinospheric world of Avatar. This is deliberate. They're meant to sound alien to the 'common' names we've already seen. The real 'barbarians' that existed to the north of China were also considered alien and foreign to the Middle Kingdom.  
> -The lands of the Xishan tribes look like this: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/83/75/0f/83750f9bd5902d30e42ce0043f43c13d.jpg .  
> -In general, the lands of the Xishan are inspired by the taiga/boreal forests.  
> -The game the children play is lacrosse. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_lacrosse .  
> -The village design and longhouses and lacrosse are based on the Iroquois and other neighboring peoples.  
> -The blind Shamaness has excellent hearing and (possibly) Seismic Sense.  
> -The Chief has absolute rule, but he's not a monarch in a contemporary sense. He's the strongest and maintains his legitimacy so long as he's expected to be the strongest. Why strongest? The strongest can protect the tribe. The strongest can provide the best.  
> -The Chief doesn't need to prove his authority or power on a daily basis. Only when pretenders or challengers come along.  
> -Bloodlines have little* meaning.  
> -*All Tribals are descendant from one of the (Great) Chiefs, and all Tribals claim descent from the Great Hunter. Kotyan's bloodline is the same as the rest of his tribe.  
> -Firstborn are still important. It is presumed, and often proven, that the firstborn ends up being the strongest. So, even if he isn't called it (in this chapter), Kotyan would've been the Crown Prince.  
> -We'll learn more about how the Xishan view outsiders and their relationships with the Four Nations in the next couple chapters.  
> -"That right there should’ve been a hint for the future".  
> -Mori will remember this duel. As should you.  
> -Chief Kozel's hearing is also excellent. As is his son's.  
> -The Xishan Tribes have a dialect that's almost it's own language.  
> -Not everyone's going to get names right the first time.  
> -Milk of the clouds is entirely of my own invention. It's a solution of herbs sweetened with breast milk so it doesn't taste as repulsive. In varying doses, it either dulls the senses or knocks someone out.  
> -Fever dreams let us see what Mori really thinks/fears. Take of it what you will


	58. Into the Far North: The Chief of the Zheng

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loyalty is stronger than blood.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Four: 

I woke on the finest... _no you didn’t_ . I woke on the finest sheets in this montane region... _no you didn’t_ . I woke on some furs, thick furs, wrapped around me. Entombing me. “Good evening, _Hayashi,_ ” a familiar voice greeted me. One that I’d fondly remember being accompanied by a little bit of pranking. I opened my good eye and... _why hello there can you not loom? Or do you just weave?_ Suki was resting on her legs and looking down at me and my situation. My off-arm was outside of the blanket. A fire sat behind Suki, helping with her shadowy looming persona. The smoke went up into the rafters of this... _building_ . So we were in a building. The cool, _cool? Are you mad?_ , fine, _cold_ air was lightly biting me and my arm. Oh, and my off-arm was stitched up and had some ointment applied to it. There wasn’t any blood. I pulled my good arm out to try and grab it but, “No touching!” Suki declared like someone’s mother, snapping at me. She noticed my amazed expression -I was amazed by the situation- and addressed it as such. “They’re amazing. Great handiwork.” _Right… no, no I was just amazed at being alive and awake. And where I was. No, yeah, the stitching is… decent_ . _And...t_ _he cloud milk was pretty good_ . Two voices giggled from in the shadows. I don’t like shadow people. Unless they’re _our_ shadow people. 

Bemused by the giggling, I said “Oh? Hiding? Come out so I can embarrass myself _properly_ .” They resisted and or tamed their capacity to laugh at my situation, rose from the shadows, and came over to harass me instead. One grabbed a bowl and filled it with some kind of liquid while the other decided the best thing to do was loom over me like a lighter-skinned Katara with the exact same hairstyle except no...loop things. Loopies? _Was that Sokka’s name for them?_ I think it was. She looked like a Gundes. “Are you Gundes?” But she laughed much like a schoolgirl would, _except you look a bit old to be one_ , and replied. “I’m Sirin” _Of course you are._ I faced the woman walking over with the bowl of liquid. “And that’s Gundes?” “I am Gundes,” Gundes explained. _Okay, good._

I grabbed the bowl and drank up. It tasted...refreshing. Refreshingly delicious. It tasted sweet. And creamy. Like cheese. _I do have a preference for dairy products. I am a Kyoshi Islander afterall, we know our cake-making._ Curious of this delicious substance and possibly thinking of importing it, I asked “What made this so sweet? And what’s in it?” and I wish I didn’t ask that. “It’s a special type of berry combined with milk from a wet nurse” Sirin said quite gently, kindly and all those other complimentary words. She said it like she was lullabying a child to sleep. ...And I spat out my liquid and gagged. Between the gagging, “Did… you just say… wet nurse?”. Amidst this, Suki was in the process of losing the last of her composure. The two women nodded. “Next you’ll tell me _you_ were the wet nurse” Suki added, using her wits. _Thanks Sukes, now I need to go die. I’m not two_ . “No, no, it’s our older sister Tura” Gundes explained, _why are you so happy about this?_ “That’s great. That’s great. Can I go die?” I asked nicely. The two giggled. 

One, or the other, I don’t know, asked “What’s so bad about a wet-nurse?” and Suki _finally_ stopped having a humorous time and interjected herself. “I think it’s great.” _Well maybe if you aren’t drinking it_ . “I’m _not_ a baby!” I snapped at her, threatening to throw a tantrum. “I don’t drink….” and I summoned more liquid to spit out into the fire. Suki gave me a few pats on the back and shoulder bumps. “He and I aren’t used to this. Where we’re from, once one is weaned off such things, they never ingest it again.” _Why thank you for being a walking archive of expositional information for other culture groups, Sukes._ “I’d react the same, honestly” and she patted me on the back. 

The two sisters went ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ at how strangely peculiar our absolutely normal customs are. “Here, such milk is used in many recipes” _I’m not even going to bother_. My mind returned to reality. I miss reality. _Woah, can’t believe I’m saying that_. “Where’s the Chief, where’s your brother Kotyan?” and one of the women pointed at the wall. “Over there-” _Ha. I got it. Because I can’t see. That’s pretty good_. “-in the Great Hall” _Oh._ “May I leave to go attend the dinner?” I asked them all formal-voiced. “If you’d like. Father requested we attend to you until you’re better”. Suki, quippy as ever, jumped in. “If you knew Hayashi, he never gets better” and the two gave us a puzzling look. “How do you mean?” Gundes asked. Because I love Suki’s quips, I joined her jump. “The moment I’m healed, I get myself… are you ready for this?” and the two of them looked at me with confusion while Suki let a thin grin break her ‘anticipated’ face. She knew exactly what was coming.

“Stabbed once, shot with lightning multiple times, face-slammed a rock while in an underground tunnel, almost stabbed, had myself thrown through a wall, burned because _someone_ cheated at dice...again… then, then, I lost an eye in a duel and picked up at least three new reminders of why fighting Ashmaker...Generals… is dumb. I got stabbed not once, not twice, not three times, not four times, but like ten all in the name of…” _don’t say ‘other nobles_ ’... “...a large number of people that don’t like me. Not all at once, but over the course of weeks. I have no idea how much nonsense I faced while on campaign. I’ve been elbowed and punched multiple times in places, I had a leg caved in by some former warlord, I think I punched a metal helmet with my not metal fist. Recently, I’ve taken a crossbow bolt to the leg while fighting a _different_ warlord, then said warlord broke a couple of my ribs...and my nose… and maybe my legs… I don’t remember. Some time later, a whiskey bottle filled with fire came flying in from a completely different scene. I sliced up my hand while trying to rescue…” _you can’t say who,_ “...a sack of grain. I sustained an arrow wound...or two… while on a different campaign. I think I had a rock glove hit me-” but I was interrupted by Gundes. Her and her sister spoke soft enough that their accent was comprehensible. “You’ve been far, then? Good.” The woman sounded flirtatious but it was probably just the _wet nurse milk_ I just drank making me sick.

I walked back outside and into the cold darkness of the night. Suki offered me support, I didn’t need it. Looking up, the sky was a set of green dancing curtains. I didn’t need two eyes, or a hand, to point up at said curtains. While laughter emanated like the glow of firelight from the largest of the halls, I stopped and layed down. First Suki was preoccupied with walking back and forth _over_ me, contemplating...I have no idea..., then she accepted defeat and joined me. We watched the curtains as they swirled above our heads. 

“Back home, they go south, here they go north” she remarked while trying to trace a finger along one of the many sheets blowing in the wind. “Remember the North Pole?” she asked, nudging me in the side. “I do, we rode to the top of the world” I responded, quite happy to remember that insane campaign. “And then the...you know who...snuggled inside your clothes because she was _cold_.” Half-sarcastically, I replied. “Yes. I know who. Because someone did that.” “Of course, stupid me!” she hit herself in the face. “She was asleep and _someone_ felt that she was cold so _someone_ opened your coat and closed it around her! She woke up sweating like a waterbender in the Si Wong!” “Yes… she did. Who knew fancy coats are made to last?” I replied, not paying that much attention because the dancing green carpets were more allure to watch. “And we all had our theories as to why.” and Suki sat up, looked at me, and winked. _Stop winking Suki_. _Stop. This isn’t Pu-On Tim._ But she didn’t stop. “Aoma even said you were giving her a massage-” So I made her stop, by interrupting her. “Enough, please save the gossip for talking behind my back.” but because irony has a name, and it’s mine, I tossed in some Kyoshi Island gossip. “And we all know Aoma has a crush on that Dai Li agent who sings really well.” Suki finished off with “Judging by how happy she was, I’d say it was-” _nope I’m interrupting you._ “Enough!” I shouted. She ‘stopped’, in her own capacity. Also known as getting the last stab in. “-Fine. I bet you don’t remember how you made her so warm...” _I’m going to interrupt you again_. “Let’s say I didn’t.” _It involves thick fur robes and conserving heat._ “Why do you...make me suffer?” I questioned. “Because no matter what you did, it was adorable and this whole quest is a similar kind of crazy. You...crazy person.” _How descriptive._ “ _Adorable?_ Who are you, Katara?” I inquired, earning her single chuckle. “And crazy? What’s crazy about taking some ostrich horses to the far north to get a pelt?” and we paused to watch the curtains dance like frolicking phantoms. 

“You’re doing all this to give her a blanket…” she pondered, correctly. _I am. Officially_ . “And for Sokka, wouldn’t you do the same?” and she hesitated, hesitated, then conceded to a blush. “Maybe...but I expect him to give me the gifts.” I tried my best to sound like my, our, grandmother. “Kyoshi would be disappointed in you, young woman!” and I shook my fist. “Women and men are supposed to lavish each other!” but that only stirred her laughter further. “I don’t notice Toph buying you any gifts” she said, being wise. A bit too wise. “Her gift is my service, or something poetic like that” I said in a fake-romantic voice, clutching my heart. “Oh, you’re such a poet. Also, that doesn’t make sense” she countered. _Fine, you win_ . I countered her...incorrectly. “I know it doesn’t. Neither does travelling all the way up here” and she stood up, pretending to be furious. “That’s what I said!” _So?_ “Well I’m the Imperial Consort, my word before yours-” and I was halted by her grabbing me by the okay arm and pulling me up. “Okay, curtain-time is over. Let’s go eat dinner,” “But _mom_ , can’t we watch for a few _fen_ more?” I said in a childish tone, and she groaned like a mother, or perhaps, an older sister would. “If you _really_ want to...”, and she threw in a pinch of _yes, I do want to do this instead of dinner, too_ in her voice. Because we both love the dancing curtains. Anyone who lives under their ghastly shadows do. Some time watching the dancing carpets passed. When we both felt like we were done, “ _Now_ , let’s go eat” I said. Suki nodded. The two of us walked over to the Great Hall. Our discussion remained for our ears and our ears only. Which is pretty good, because we could’ve blown our cover with our stupidity had someone been wandering around or if the Great Hall wasn’t as lively. But they hadn’t been. And our voices were too accented for most of these people.

When we opened the doors, I noticed that four long tables were taken out, two on either side of an established wider aisle, and seats -from somewhere- with tribal warriors and villagers sitting on them. All kinds of food was being served and a few large barrels of...probably ale, were feeding different kinds of goblets with liquid. Many different kinds of goblets. Small tea cups that peasants might own, fancy noble’s silver-trimmed cups, even a cup or two with the earth coin’s green motif emblazoned on them. _They’re stolen. Looted._ I couldn’t say much. A guard noticed me and called out something, I think ‘the newest Man of the Zheng has come’, but it was hard to understand him. The large furs the Chief wore made him look like a round hill. When he stood up from the fireplace, he turned into a mountain.

He stomped over to me. “Welcome, Hayashi!” and he put an arm around my shoulder, an arm as wide as a buckler shield, and led me to a seat. A seat right next to the fire. I found myself to the left of Kotyan, who was in turn to the left of the Chief. Suki was led to my left. Opposite myself were some occupied and vacant seats. “Who are these people?” I asked the Captain of the Imperial Guard. “My brothers and sisters” he replied, naturally mentioning their titles. No need for ‘His Highness’ or that. Suki’s eyes asked ‘how many brothers and sisters do you have’ without actually asking it. “How many do you have?” I asked him for Suki’s sake. His father responded for us. “Kotyan is my firstborn. Then there’s Kopyak, named for Chief Kopyak,” and he gestured to a man with a braided beard sitting to his right, “Akgul, my first daughter” and he gestured to a woman who must’ve been in her young thirties, who smiled politely, sitting to Kopyak’s right, “Tura, my second daughter, is busy resting...then there’s Gundes and my baby girl Sirin, both in the healing hut.” I looked at him a bit too funny for what I should’ve. “Chief, Sirin is older than I,” I said quite foolishly. “And she’ll always be my baby sister” Kotyan countered, saving me from the blunder. The Chief didn’t notice this blunder, and moved on to gesturing and introducing the last two sitting around this fire. One looked young enough to be the Captain’s age. “My younger brothers. Asalup is three springs younger, Uzluk is eight.” Kotyan took over from his father. “Both run their own parts of the tribe. Asalup guards the eastern passes and Uzluk the northern approaches.” I looked over at Suki who gave me this _look_ and I accidentally verbally, out loud, went “you’ve really got a lot of kids” which, surprisingly, made him laugh. _That’s still a terrifying laugh_ . To which the whole crowd laughed. “Hayashi, you’re not wrong” and he patted me on the back. Kotyan added in, again, trying to save me from stupid, “It’s a good thing to have many children here, _Hayashi_ .” _Of course it is. It’s a harsh environment and most won’t make it to adulthood_. Two voices I recognized from not that long ago barged in the front door. “Girls!” the Chief shouted by instinct. They walked over to him, each a hug, then over to their seats to the right of the Chief. 

“Hayashi, Sai, would you two like anything?” and he watched our expressions. I don’t know about Suki but being welcomed into a tribe that my good friend was a family member of is a bit numbing. I’m part of enough organizations as is. I tried my best to muster words. “Later. Any smoked meat?” and he nodded while ripping apart a piece of something’s leg with his fingers. “Girls, fetch the two some smoked fish” and the two women got up, no bowing, no formalities, and grabbed food from a rack beyond the fireplace. They then brought it over to the two of us and handed it to us. “I like that stitch, I wonder who did it” the woman who had a similar hairstyle to Katara, except...probably six years older, making her three to four years my superior, winked. _I don’t know why you are winking, but you’re giving me memories of Ty Lee._ Once the Chief finished devouring his meat, he got up. He beat his chest multiple times and began singing a deep melody.

He sang of the Tribes of the North. Zheng, Majia, Pangou, Si Gou, Zhag’yab, Xainza, Qiugou and others. He sang how ‘all’ brothers should come under one banner. The villagers and tribesmen stood and beat their chests, too. He sang about the green dancing curtains, a portend for ‘an oncoming war’. He sang about the waterbenders and their raids. Then he joined the rest as they ululated as one coherent mass. They produced deep voices, like the calls of moose-lion, and lighter wails, like the cries of the loon-grebes. 

The entire room sang the chorus, best written as ‘ _Ey, ey, aj aj aj_ ’. I don’t know what it meant, but the entire room coming together to sing it made it sound like one all-encompassing deep voice. _If I heard that while in the woods, I’d drop whatever I was doing and run._

He finished beating his chest and he sat down. The rest of the tribe ceased their vocals and sat down. “Zheng!” he yelled. The villagers applauded, hammering their own tables. “These three have seen the far corners of the world! Tell us a story!” and he patted his son then me on the back. He looked the Captain in his eyes and, somewhat softer, went “My firstborn, you left us many springs ago. What was the greatest battle you fought in?” and Captain Wuhan thought back and let a thin grin escape his ‘formal’ filial piety face. 

“Father, do you want me to give the greatest, by most kills, or greatest, by glory?” and the crowd chanted “glory!” as one powerful voice. He smiled. “Have any of you heard of the Second Siege of Ba Sing Se?” and they shook their heads. The Chief did. “You said the Impenetrable City was stabbed twice. I only knew of a first stab under the man they called _The Dragon_.” and he stood up, encapsulating the fire with his presence. While surrounding this fire, the Chief bellowed “They say The Dragon came from the west and burned down the Jade Wall. Those who ran from him claimed he was the greatest general of all the days! Considering you three are around, he couldn’t be that great!” and the Chief stomped the ground and let out a howling cheer. 

“During the Second Siege, I volunteered to defend the city,” Kotyan said. The crowd _glared_ daggers at us. The three of us. Suki and I exchanged a look and I chose to wait, and listen. I didn’t do anything wrong _yet_ . “Men, women! Settle down!” the Chief commanded, and when the crowd didn’t, the Chief stomped the ground and the room shook. Twice. _._ The stragglers were shaken into place. “My firstborn does what is right!” and he patted the thirty-something, _Kotyan’s thirty...three? Four?_... on the back of his neck. The Captain continued.

“During the Second Siege, there was this woman. She was the Princess of the Ashmakers!” and the many children went ‘ooh.’ I don’t think they understood us, but they heard ‘Princess’ and ‘Ashmakers’. Kotyan made his voice more like a storyteller’s. “She rode a _dragon!_ And she...burned down much of the Earth Palace, the guards and the nobles…” he maintained a storyteller voice but I could tell that he wasn’t that happy to say it. He looked away from everyone and towards Suki and I for a brief moment. He looked back at the crowd as if to teach them a thing or two. “The war seemed lost. Had the Jade Kingdom fallen, the Ashmakers would’ve marched up from Weinan and killed us all!” The people were riled up, shouting ‘the Jade Kingdom is evil’, or comments like that. The Chief wasn’t. He sat back and listened. “But one man. One crazy man. He gathered what was left of the best fighters and led them on a charge against the Ashmakers. I joined him because I knew that if I did not, all of you would die next. He retook a Wall in a rapid offensive.” The crowd affixed their looks on Kotyan, simmering with anticipation. 

“He took fifty men on ostrich horses. That’s it. Fifty. And he led us across the plains of the Jade Steppe during the middle of the night. He stopped and gave us a speech. He told us that none of us were going to make it out alive, so he ordered us to drink!” and Wuhan cackled. “So what did we do? We unclasped our flasks and downed all the whiskey we could!” and the tribespeople cheered. “He had us ride up near the Askmaker’s main base. Other Generals or officers would plan something complicated. Other officers would throw their men in. But him? He ordered that we _shout_ . So we rode up to their base under the cover of darkness and shouted! And the Ashmakers were _scared_ and they thought there were more of us. So I rode forward and charged the surprised Ashmakers! We cut them down! And we killed them! And we massacred them in their beds!” _I guess creative liberties are forgivable_ . “This man, this leader? He challenged the enemy Ashmaker _General_ to a duel to protect all of us! The enemy Ashmaker General! In a mere moment, the young man won the duel. He lost an eye, but the Ashmaker was dead! The Ashmaker army routed! He had me taken care of before him!” The crowd was...taken aback. I sense they were confused at what he said. The Chief took his words and repeated most of the story, but accented. _Then_ the crowd reacted.

Lots of cheers and howling and “Kotyan! Kotyan! Kotyan!”. The Chief, still somehow unaware, asked “And who is this man? To kill an Ashmaker General is no easy deed.” Wuhan raised a finger and pointed it at me. “Hayashi,” and I wasn’t up for the about to be a massive hug, hug. The Chief stood up, towering over me, grabbed me with one hand, picked me up, and hugged me tight enough that I felt my air get squeezed out of my chest. “You are a man of many things, Hayashi.” then he _dropped_ me. 

The Chief didn’t care to ask Suki or I for stories. Not after he was entertained. He called for everyone to drink to ‘Hayashi!’ and various sized and shaped goblets were raised. The toast was called and they chanted “To the Great Hunter!” before downing their drinks. The Chief then stated “how proud I would be if you were a son of mine” which was… contrary to his gruff appearance, “A rare thing to offer” as Kotyan explained. Now that storytime was over, despite being short, I thought to ask a question. I waited to finish my smoked fish, _thank you, one of you girls for bringing that,_ and turned to the Chief. 

“Your song mentioned uniting the tribes. Why aren’t they unified already?” and maybe for others this ‘obvious’ question would be insulting, but for the Chief, he didn’t mind. It’s almost like he recognizes that I’m an outsider who can’t possibly know these things. “We do not want to become one tribe. I want all of us, from Ansai to Zhag’yab, to return to the days of the Sixty Great Halls.” Needless to say, my next question was, in a very humble tone, “What is, are, or were the Sixty Great Halls?” and I got a bit of backstory next. 

A hundred years ago, the three massive regions hemmed between the Northern Air Temple, the West Lake and the western Earth Kingdom coast were a set of independent tribes. Each tribe had its own Great Hall. When the Fire Nation crossed from the Western Air Temple to the lands of Xiong Lin, the northwestern Kingdom, the most prominent tribes voluntarily came together to stop the invasion. A council of sixty tribal leaders were formed. They voted one person, the strongest of all the tribes, to lead the Sixty Great Halls. Her name was Gundes. She was “a fearless moose-lioness”. She brought the Tribes together to sally against the Fire Nation. It doesn’t take a military genius to realize bone spears, hunting bows, and fur armor aren’t going to last well, or long, against the Fire Nation’s relentless onslaught. _The Earth Kingdom was battered down by it._ It took two decisive defeats, pitched battles, for the Sixty Great Halls to be shattered and splintered. The coalition ceased. 

The Fire Nation then went inland. They tried the classic Fire Nation method of wiping out an entire ethnic people. They’d try and attack enemy ‘armies’ to discover they were just thirty person hunting bands. They’d try and attack ‘towns’ only to discover a few hunting cabins. They’d march on month-long campaigns into the wilderness and get picked off by the Tribals. They could burn the forests, but they couldn’t track down every last remnant. The Fire Nation lost ten for every one Tribal, but the Tribals didn’t have a country with a population in the millions, or tens of millions.

The tribes of Xiong Lin and Xisenlin, having always been more ‘open’ to outsiders, living near the trading sea lanes, eventually conceded to the Fire Nation’s rule. How? The Tribals were informed about the opportunity to get vengeance on the Northern Water Tribe -a well known blood feud, even in the castle courtrooms of the daimyos- and in return were gifted blacksmithing and iron weapons. Not all the tribes agreed, but not all the tribes remained to live to tell the tale. So they swore their fealty and, as it turns out, were left alone by the Fire Nation. I get the hunch that Sozin and Azulon were smart enough to recognize that the harsh northern climate was nearly inhabitable and bore no strategic value. The Kingdom’s cities were far to the south. The trade routes were already owned, courtesy naval ports in the Western Air Temple Islands and one in Huping on the western Earth coast.

As all this happened, the Earth Kings fought campaigns against the tribes, driving them from the coast of the West Lake up into the Yancun Valley. Then further. While the Zheng always lived in Majia, others weren’t as fortunate. The Earth Kingdom gobbled up southern Beishan. Settlers flocked in to turn the wilderness to civilization. _And, everything south of the Xiongnu Wall is, indeed, civilized_ . _Bureaucratic? Yes. Insanely bureaucratic? Possibly._ In defense of the Earth Kings, the Kingdom and the Empire in turn needed southern Beishan for defensive works. It lets us maintain control of the West Lake and hold the approach to Ba Sing Se. Not to mention, all the farmable land has helped boost our population. Back to the Chief’s telling of events, _context and perspective matters_...

The Northern Water Tribals, or ‘The Bastard Sons of the North Star’, were the worst. They always hated the Xishan, Beishan, Xiong Lin and Xisenlin tribes. But, for the first part of the grueling war, they took to going with the flow. They stayed out of it. The _official_ stance of the Northern Water Tribe is neutrality against the Earth Kingdom and war against the Fire Nation. So… these Tribals wear red and grey, and some of them, their distant cousins, sided with the Fire Nation. It doesn’t take a diplomatic prodigy to figure out what happened next. In an effort to fight ‘the invaders’ allies’, some of the minor Water Tribe chiefdoms took their cutters and sailed south. Two generations of yearly raids later, most of the Tribes have fled into the mountains guarding our southern flank. Some have hung on in the foothills, like the Zheng. And...all of this, goes unnoticed by the rest of the Four Nations.

The Northern Air Temple, back when it wasn’t ashes and mechanized prototypes, absolutely despised the Tribals. They called them savages and, get this, barbarians. The Tribals _aren’t_ civilized, living in hunter-gatherer lifestyles with bone equipment and fur clothes isn’t the pinnacle of technology. But...who were the Air Nomads to talk? A bunch of orange-robed monks who live, according to Kotyan, ‘as high as their honor’. In other words, they were blind to reality. _Not much of a surprise for most of those abbots._ According to the Chief, through Kotyan when necessary, the Air Nomads undermined the local’s efforts where possible. 

So, in conclusion, the Tribes were enemies of all of the Four Nations. The Fire Nation warred with them and, at best, contracted them as glorified conscripts. The Earth Kings wanted to settle the land and the only reason they haven’t is they were held back by incompetence, corruption and regional ineptitude, _the motto of this continent_ . The Water Tribes viciously slaughtered anyone they found, using the excuse of ‘fighting the Fire Nation’. And the Air Nomads, the people as high as honor, turned their noses up at the sight of the Tribals, people who were objectively far superior even if they lacked civilization. The Tribals were egalitarian, with Chieftess Gundes being a _Chieftess_ and a military commander, they’re practical by birth, _hunting isn’t a esoteric skill_ , and were enduring, surviving the harsh winters in longhouses, not fleeing across the Four Nations with sky bison and gliders. 

After he told me the story, I learned what I learned from Kotyan, I thanked him and requested a bedroom to go to. He granted it, as I was a Man of the Zheng. I was led to a bunk in the healing hut. As my injuries remained...injuries, I was to sleep there. Suki and Kotyan went off to bunks in a different hut, one set aside as a guest hut for my friends. My friends were _out_ , like _that_. And quick enough, with the firelight dimmed down and a warm thick fur blanket as my companion, I was out, too.

Either I was asleep for ten _fen_ or it felt as short, I was awoken by someone’s footsteps. But I had fallen asleep, so I was left delirious. It was a woman’s voice, talking about marriage of all things. As I thought it was a dream, _it felt as random as one,_ I stated “ _Your Majesty_ , I’d like to sleep. We can plan it tomorrow.” The woman asked who I was referring to, “Who is ‘Yo-or Majesty?’” and, if I was smart, I would’ve picked up on it then. Sadly, I was too tired to. “The Earth Empress.” I mumbled. I had stated the wrong thing at the wrong time. Her footsteps vanished. Only a few _miao_ later, maybe it was longer but it felt like five _miao_ , footsteps stomped in. “How do you know the Jade Empress?” a deep voice I couldn’t place asked. My delirious genius of a self went “Well, silly, I’m the Earth Emperor! Ten Thousand Years!” and I expected to return to sleep. _That was the wrong choice_.

I awoke on the finest... _I’m not on a fur blanket. This isn’t the Imperial Palace._ I opened my left eye to see...some kind of cloth blindfolding me. It was either quite thin or I was up against a fire, because I could see through the individual strings. Then someone walked in front of the glowing yellows and reds of the fire. I tried to reach to pull _off_ my blindfold but found my hands bound together behind me. Then I tried my feet, also bound by something, probably rope. And my back was rubbing against a stone pillar. A large stone pillar. 

“The self-proclaimed Earth Kings were never stupid enough to come all the way up to Majia” the Chief’s distinct, deep voice greeted me. My ears sensed he was the tall blur standing in front of me. “But you...you’re full of surprises.” he said, growing angrier with the word. I wasn’t going to counter him on that. I _am_ full of surprises. “Where are my companions?” I asked, but my voice was muffled. _Oh, so you bound my mouth as well_ . “Why do you come this far north?” the old woman’s voice joined the discussion, asking a familiar sounding question. Someone pulled off my mouth rag. “I came to hunt” and I got slapped with something. _Ow_. 

“The Jade Kings never come this far north to hunt.” the Chief stated, the ground beneath the two of us shaking from his movements, before someone hit my right leg. “If you want answers, beating me up won’t give you to them” I tried to reason. _I’ve lived through this nonsense before_ . “Strength brings truth” he said before someone, maybe he, hit my _other_ leg. _Time to think._ “You’ve never tortured anyone, have you?” I questioned. “We do not ‘torture’, we retaliate.” Yes, he was kicking my legs. No, I wasn’t about to give in. “If you keep kicking me, what’s to stop me from dying?” I, again, reasoned. “We get information from you, then we kill you” he yelled at my blindfolded face, while kicking me in the leg once again. “Then just kill me.” but that simple statement wasn’t enough for his fiery personality. “Chief…” one of the old women spoke up. “Yes, Shamaness?” he said, the mountain suddenly as subservient as a grain of grass. I don’t know what she said but he paused his leg-breaking tirade. 

“Emperor, why come up here alone?” the ancient woman said, rolling the _Emp-er-or_ off as a derogatory title. “I’m not alone-” I began, still quite idiotically. “Are your assassins in the shadows? Your armies marching up the valley? Your navy just off the coast?” She loosed metaphorical arrow after arrow into me. A large hand grabbed my neck. “If you keep beating me…” I couldn’t tear his hand off, mine were bound, so I tried to force words out before he choked me to death. “I’ve no reason to speak!” I shouted, feeling the air leave me. The Shamaness commanded “Kozel! Release him!” and the man released his grip on my neck. _Huh. So she’s got power over you. I could and can use that_.

I changed the topic entirely. “I’m worth a lot of gold,” I said, as calm as a Dai Li agent may advise me to be. _Use calmness to invoke confidence. Confidence is universal_ . The Chief declared “You claim to be the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits. That is self-proclaimed. You cannot speak for the Great Hunter!” _Except I’m not_. I wasn’t going to correct them, yet. Correcting someone confident and arrogant will only fail.

I tried a more..angular approach. “Funny thing about titles. If you tell everyone that one person is the King, they’ll believe it. Then people will follow that man. People will take His word as superior.” but my chest was hit with a punch. I gasped for air. “You have a made up title.” the Chief decreed. I might not win with him on an intellectual discussion of how all titles are made up, but, _there’s always another angle._ The Dai Li are masters of using any available angles. _That’s part of how you fight in the ceiling, after all_. 

“I may have a made-up title. But I’m worth a lot of gold”. What I said is true. The Imperial Consort isn’t an ancient title. The term Imperial _has_ been around, used interchangeably with Royal to refer to the Monarchy. But Imperial Consort? Never have the two been put together. The wives of the Earth Kings were the Earth Queens or Royal Consorts. Not that semantics like this mattered.

I took a punch to the chest again. It wasn’t a hard punch. More like a simple _jab_ . I wasn’t going to give in to that. “If you bring me to Lan Shan, I can bring you gold”. “Kozel! No punching!” and I imagine I was just saved from getting my face smashed in. “Why wouldn’t you spring your armies upon us when we get there?” her wrinkled voice slowly asked. Slowly but wisely. I rolled my good eye, not that anyone saw that. _What armies? Have you seen the Imperial Army?_ I settled for the second best option.

“Fine. Send a messenger hawk.” I don’t think they knew what that was. “What stops us from taking the gold and killing you?” the Chief hit back, thankfully not breaking my chest with his fist. I couldn’t lie. If he wanted me dead, it would be as simple as that. “Nothing.” I countered, trying to use my honesty for my defense. he Chief _laughed_. “You have an army. It’s out there! They wait to kill us all for good!” 

_Time for another angle._ “You mentioned the Sixty Great Halls earlier.” He was taken off-guard with this, and said “Yes, I want them united.” I took advantage of his lack of wherewithal. Much more formally, _breaking all the court rules since we’re not supposed to be formal with our enemies, who cares_ ... “I can help you with that.” “You?-” and he let out a booming laugh. “-You’re tied to a pillar” “I _am_ tied to a pillar...” and I tried moving my hands to point at the pillar, but the rope was too tight. Or rather, tight enough. “...But if I am who you say I am, I also control the Imperial Army”. The Chief let out another laugh, “The Jade Kingdom army was always weak. Most would freeze before they get this far north”. I nodded, he _could_ see that. “That’s correct. They would freeze. And there’s hundreds of thousands who wouldn’t. And they’d kill all your enemies. And we have achieved things you cannot dream of. We can act as airbenders would. You know I can ascend to the clouds. We…” 

Then I had an idea. I remembered the voice of the former Fire Lord. I remembered how she spoke. _Time to try that_ . “ _We can sail anywhere. We are everywhere. We are in the trees. We are on the mountaintops. The Imperial Army is a thousand thousand strong and there’s not a single place in all Four Nations that our ships have not sailed or we have not walked. And myself... Did you forget about my conquest of the sky? I have killed Ashmaker Generals. I smashed an Ashmaker army with twelve men. I captured the capital of the Ashmakers. I helped kill an Ashmaker Lord._ ”. My Azula-inspired voice was enough to make this lumbering mountain sink ever so slightly. That, and or get reflexively defensive. “And...and what stops them from killing us?” Then he jabbed my chest. _He’s not allowed to show weakness._

_Now, if I was an idiot, I’d say ‘me’. But these are Tribes. They respect power, sure, but they care for one thing above all. Self-approving bias._ “Because you’re the Zheng. You are not the Weiyi or Si Gou. Your ancestors fought for hundreds of years against the Bastard Sons of the North Star.” _Remember, self, remember the story Kotyan told us months ago_ . “The previous Chief, Kopyak, was a strong, fearless man. He fought the Northern Water Tribe and died a warrior’s death.” The Chief didn’t restrain, hammering me in the chest with an elbow. “How do you know this?” He asked, somehow unaware of my affiliation with the Captain. In the moment, I used what I could think of. “Because, as you said,” I hysterically cackled. “ _I have eyes and ears everywhere_ . _And that’s why we have not done anything to the Zheng. We respect you as warriors._ ” 

He howled. “We _are_ the Zheng! We are the greatest of the Tribes! The Bastard Sons of the North Star will pay for Kopyak!” and that gave me...an idea. Another idea. _You hate the Northern Water Tribe. We could be allies. And I’ve been there. All the way up there._ “The evil Spirits that protect the waterbenders? They come from a forest at the North Pole. They can be attacked.” The Chief...stumbled. Vocally and literally. “Wait...we can _kill_ these spirits?” _Maybe? I don’t know. Logic, and everything I know about you and the Xishan suggests you wouldn’t know that. Time for a Pai Sho gambit. A hard one_ . “Yes. Burn the forest down.” _That should be the, well, wood, to their fire._

“We are the Zheng! We are the true followers of the Great Hunter!” and the Chief beat his chest. Then others did. _Wait, others?_ I corrected the course of the conversation. I wanted to keep control of it. Control reminds him who has the most to offer and the most to be left free. “If you keep me alive, I can give you gold. Did you know that the Earth Kings sleep on golden beds?” and I got whacked in the chest by an elbow, forced to cough for air once again. “You sleep on gold beds?” his voice seethed with jealousy. _Yes. We do._ “Of course. We wear Robes of pure silk. We eat from plates and bowls of white gold.” “What is white gold?” a warrior asked, heavily accented. _You’re as sharp as a club._ “It’s gold, but colored like fresh snow.” then I turned my head as best as I could to face the blur that was standing in front of me. “We ride in ostrich horseless carriages.” But this earned me another whack to the chest. “We care not for dishes or clothes or your carriages” the Chief declared. And he whacked my sword-arm. _Right, right, of course. You don’t care for civilization. Stupid me._

“I know what you all want. The Zheng-” note, I put them in their own category to reinforce their arrogance, “-love fighting. You want _weapons_ . Our blades are made from fallen stars. _My_ blade is made from a fallen star. They can cut through other blades. We wear armor that no weapon can pierce.” The Chief haughtily laughed. “If that’s true, why do your armies fall so easily?” _You’re not wrong_ . “They did under weaker rulers. _We are not weak. We are unstoppable. We cannot be stopped. A thousand thousand men will fall upon anyone who dares defy us and we will put them to the sword._ ” The not-blind old woman’s voice stated, faintly, “And the Ashmakers have metal beasts.” _Of course. Technology_ . “We have their metal beasts. And metal ships.” “The beasts are unbreakable” the other Shamaness murmured. “They _are_ ” I reinforced myself. And… it worked.

He pulled the blindfold off. _I guess I’m slightly more valuable now._ I was wrapped to a pillar adjacent to the central fireplace. A dozen warriors stood around the room, all of whom had faces I recognized from earlier. _His hunting band_ . The two old ladies sat by the fire, looking up at me. And the Chief? He looked down at me and grabbed a lock of my unbraided, long, hair. “We don’t need to send you south for gold. We can send this!” and he unsheathed a big, thick, knife and _… no. no. no. no_ . “No… not the hair.” _My hair. The proof of my honor. No._ He didn’t care. He took the bottom of some of the hair, down by my chest, and sliced it off. I’m surprised he even remembers that part of the conversation. I shouldn’t be, his scowl was visible from the Southern Air Temple. I would have broken into tears, but _I need to keep being on the offensive. Do not give up_.

The best way to cycle the conversation? An obvious question. “You hate waterbenders?” As expected, he roared like a saber toothed moose-lion. “We will kill every last one of them” and he stomped the ground, shaking it. _I used that as a spark._ “Do you know the Avatar helped the Northern Water Tribe?” He paced around the room, ranting. “Know? Ashmaker ships came to pillage the coast because of this Avatar!” One of the warriors jutted in with his personal opinions, his personal spear-wielding based opinions. “This Avatar? He is an enemy.” _Good. Actually no, not good. Perfect_ . _Perfect. Time to pull out one of the ultimate tiles._

It’s not hard to detect someone telling the truth. And where the truth is not allowed, a well-crafted lie can count tenfold. But in circumstances like this, I didn’t even need to lie. “The current Avatar hates war. He thinks of you as savages. He has taken a waterbender as a companion and a wife” and the Chief...cracked. He cracked and he lost it. He pulled a stone pillar out of the ground and _bit it_ in two. With his teeth. He spat the pieces of stone out onto the floor. 

“The Avatar’s a puppet of the Bastard Sons of the North Star?!?” he yelled. _No, he isn’t. He’s just a kid. However… opportunity is opportunity…_ “Before you kill me, consider calling for all tribes to come together?” He turned to me and glared at me in my good eye. “Why?” he spat in my face. “Because he considers you, your warriors, your hunters, even the villagers, as beneath him. He is an Air Nomad! He is a walking hypocrite who claims peace while looking both ways when-” _slap_ . If nothing else, credit where it's due to the Northern Tribes. When they get annoyed, they’ll wail one with punches. Or slaps. Only problem, that person happened to be me. “So? He will come up to our lands, and we will kill him. What do we need to fear?” _He’s the Avatar. You’re a bunch of backwater tribespeople_ . “The Avatar, should he find out you exist, will campaign to destroy your culture. Since it goes against him and his worldview. It doesn’t matter if _you_ think differently. He’s the Avatar. The masses _will_ rally behind him. I respect you far too much to-” but I was interrupted by a warrior running in. 

“Chief, the Gerse party approaches!” The Chief turned towards the doorway and with a _stomp_ , brought the pillar I was rubbed against down. He shouted something along the lines of “Men! Grab him and his cousin! Don’t let them get captured! The Gerse are here to liberate him!” and four men ran out the other door while two walked up to me and my fallen self and dragged me into the middle of the room, not far in front of the fireplace and the two Shamanesses. They were murmuring things to one another, I couldn’t understand them, but they were taunts and discussions of what to do with “the Earth King” as my hair collected dust, fallen scraps of meat, and all the associated grease.

And a _fen_ of shouting, arrows twinging and close quarters combat, the other Captain yelled “Let go of me!” and probably whacked one of them in the face with her foot. I was rolled onto my face. “Suki?” I shouted at the ground. “What are _you_ doing here?” she asked my back, her voice somewhere to my side. “He Earth King” one of the warriors said in a broken dialect. “No he’s not. He’s the...wait…” but I interrupted her. “I got grabbed in the middle of the night and was dragged here. Now I’m on trial for being... _me_ .” I was able to pick my head up enough to _attempt_ to look around. At least I could look to my left. _Thanks, eye_.

I couldn’t fault her for being _somewhat_ confused. “Is this how trials are done in the far north!?!” She was _thudded_ onto the ground, and next thing I knew, she was lying on her chest just like me, to my left. “Good evening to you, by the way” I added, to try and bring a moment of levity. She wasn’t laughing. She just...stared. She had this creepy stare that reminded me of when she’d interview Fire Nation spies before tossing them to the Unagi. She wiggled her way over to me. Once achieving that with the power of _really_ good thighs, knees and practicing lots of strange forms of push-ups, she asked “How do we plan on getting out of-” but was interrupted by some hand forcefully grabbing her collar. “No being together” the warrior from earlier stated. I was _honored_ to watch them toss her against a wall and leave her there. _And by honored, I mean I’d be honored to toss whoever tossed her into that really warm fire over there_ . She was also moving her hands about, trying to pull them out of the bound ropes. With that plan failed, she swapped to her first contingency. “Warriors, if you let us go, we can help” That _same_ voice from earlier, I’ll take a shot in the dark and say he’s Etrek, pointed out that “You Earth King and you Earth King sister” and someone -maybe him, maybe Atrek- kicked me in the back of my right leg. _Think. Use your blood of Kyoshi. Your mad blood of Kyoshi._

Watching her move her hands around her waist, whatever idiot tied her up, tied her hands in front and not the back, reminded me of something. Something long ago. I couldn’t believe the words or the mental image, _I’ll need a whiskey for this_ , but I said the words anyways. 

“Suki! Remember when you slept with Sokka for the first time? When you first met him in the tent?” One of the Warriors picked me up by my hair, _ow_ . She involuntarily blushed. “Sure, it was in a meadow. All the world leaders got together for a field trip. He bought candles and...when we met, he had his hair all undone and he was trying his best to pose. _What does that have to do with anything_?” Her eyes went wide and she yelled in anger as she watched one of these Warriors toss me into a stone table and press my head against it. She writhed. 

“Remember your surprise!” I shouted. For speaking, I was elbowed in my back. _Ow_ . “My surprise? There were lots of surprises that night” and she involuntarily blushed even more intensely. “The one that made him yell” I tried to be brief and tensed up for the oncoming jab. She gave me this confused, flustered look. _I guess lots of things made him yell. I...Sukes, I don’t want to know_ . I took an elbow-jab to the back. I _had_ to continue. I had to say the word without saying the word. “What’s in your pants? That he was surprised by?” and again, another whack. She raised her eyebrows. “I’m… you mean my… womanhood?” I would’ve slapped my face if I could. “No!” and I got hit in the back, again. Realizing I’d get nowhere with all these accidentally double-meaning euphemisms pulled from the Toph Academy of Euphemisms, I tried something else.

Since these warriors have never met the Fire Lord or his Fire Lady, I could get away with first name basis talking. They wouldn’t get it. “Mai carries a set of, _what_ ?” and I got hit in the back, again. Her sleep deprived self finally woke up. She mouthed “Mai carries… _oh_ .” _Yes, oh._ I eye-gestured her pants. “Oh.” she mouthed. _Oh._ She got it. “I’m a girl, but I’m a warrior, too.” and she mouthed the word ‘knife’. _Yes._

Operation Secret Sarashi Slice was a proud moment of my existence. Not the proudest moment. It’s also one of the only times when I can proudly declare that someone shoving their hand into their pants was an effective strategy to deal with opponents. But, you may ask, I couldn’t shove my hands into... _right, context_ … Well you’d be right. I was the _other_ part of Operation Secret Sarashi Slice. I was the _distr_ action while Suki was the action… taking advantage of the one of the greatest features of being a Kyoshi Warrior _other_ than the sword training, the fan training, the martial arts training, the fitness training, and making yourself so muscular and well-toned that anyone would fall for you. _The secret undergarment knives._

“Warriors!” I deliberately yelled _so_ loudly that if this was the Dai Li they’d have caught on right there. I did this while keeping an eye, well, my only eye, locked to Suki. “What?” the one who couldn’t stop hitting me asked, followed by a jab to my back. “Why was I arrested? Who found me?” I asked, getting my hair tugged. Suki got her hands inside her peasant garb. _Yes. Go you. Get those hands in there! Yes! Who needs context anymore? You’re doing it!_ “Gundes.” he responded. Suki was probably on the sheath. “Why?” I asked, earning one more jab for our insane tag-team. “The Chief sent her to be with you” and this man was ‘with’ me, with his fists. Or rather, a fist. _Right, so that needs context_ . I didn’t hear the sawing of her wrist-ties on a knife, but considering the back-and-forth motion she was either doing that or she’s got a bad itch. _Only another couple miao_. 

As such, I voluntarily asked another question, really loudly, “Did the Chief expect me to sleep with some woman I barely knew?” and that got a justified hair tugging. If I had a daughter and some random man I barely knew asked that, assuming for some reason I tossed my daughter at the man, _which by the way that’s a idiotic approach to courtship and I’m bethrothed to a Beifong_ , then sure I’d also probably tug his hair. But...I wouldn’t be tossing my children at outsiders I barely know anyways. One of the more well versed men, he strikes me as an Atrek, told me in the most poetic voice a Northerner could, “It is pride to be handed a Chief’s daughter. The Great Hunter saved us from your Southern _deception_ by warning Gundes.” _Right. Right. Of course_ . _Slice_ . I watched Suki’s hands get free. She gave me a look, a wink. She was winking at me. One of her hands was free, the other was grabbing something _pointy_ . And for once, that pointy thing was… _not affiliated with Prince Sokka_ , _great, I need a whiskey now_ . I smirked at her because blinks are hard with one eye. _May Kyoshi protect us_.

With a single motion, she rolled onto her back, got up, and gave a quick _slice_ to cut her foot ties off. Then it was a matter of one _sweep_ and she _spun_ herself up. The man didn’t know what hit him when she pulled his spear from him, tossed it aside and _kneed_ him three good times. Once even in the head. The other guards ran at her in a popular formation for untrained individuals, the disorganized mob. She sweeped one with her leg before clopping two heads together. She pulled a spear from one and swung it around and around, driving the mob backwards. She turned to me and gave me a wide-eyed expression followed by “Roll!”. Coincidentally and definitely not a result of that, I had a bright idea to _roll_. I rolled to my left and dodged a spear that stabbed the ground. Now I was facing up so I could watch this warrior give me a very honorable execution by killing someone when they’re down. Except...not. 

He took a spear-end to the face, probably chipping a tooth or two and making him fall over head-first into a wall. _That must hurt_ . The rest were in a rough spear wall trying to stab her. So what did she do? What’s the first thing you think of when facing a couple burly fur-laden heavily clothed men who _really_ want to poke you? Get into a split, take your spear, and sweep all their legs out from under them, _of course_ . So she did that. She only made one of these men fall, though. So she went with _another_ contingency. A man tried to stab her, she got underneath his spear and gave him an uppercut somewhere that people, _ahem_ , men, should not be uppercutted. Using this tumbling giant to her advantage, she pressed the falling man who just reached a Dai Li Choir level of pitch into his fellow fighters. She used him as a disposable shield. His friends wouldn’t want to stab their fellow and as such one poor man was crushed beneath his encumbrance. Now behind the spear-line, the Captain popped up and punched one man in the head before giving another a kick. The kicked man broke some pottery on his way down.

The remaining five _backed up_ away from the crazy sleep-deprived Kyoshi Warrior. I wasn’t able to saw off my binds, the man’s spear was too far away and I was afraid of squirming too close to the nonsense that was Suki versus five men. So I gave motivational support instead. “Yeah! Do it for Sokka!”. She took one man’s spear and snapped it in two with a knee. She dodged three thrusts while running at the fourth man. She jumped, missed his stab, and caught his spear as she landed. She pulled it from his hands, kicked him in the chest, and began spinning the spear. It blocked the other threes’ stabs. She backed up to me and went “you free yet!?” to which I disappointedly went “nope!” and had we not been fighting, she’d probably be giving me that _you need to attend class more_ look, but...we weren’t not fighting. She tossed the spear wrong-way into one of the three, bonking him in the face. Three became two when he concussed himself on the wall. She leaned over with enough time to grab a fallen knife. And a fallen goblet. She tossed the goblet into one’s face, the sound of soft metal hitting soft skin is a wonderful, wonderful sound to hear. The last man had the smart idea to run over to the Shamanesses...who were patiently sitting there from the beginning of all of this.

“Surrender!” she shouted to the last living man. “Suki, do the knife thing?” I begged, trying to roll over like a drunk wolf-dog. “Okay” and she ran at him, plucked his spear from his hands, and elbowed him in the face. _That’s not the knife thing_ . “That’s not the knife thing!” I yelled, sounding like a child. He flopped to the ground like a fish. Then she kicked him a few times in the head to make sure he was out. She came back to me and rolled me over. “Hold still” _I’ll try_ . I heard a sawing noise and felt my hands be freed. “Do _I_ get any weapons?” I asked, hoping it’d be an easy ‘yes’. “No,” she said, flashing a crafty smile.. “Maybe if you attended classes…” and she cut my legs free. “I don’t have underwear knives” I countered. “That’s a problem. For you” and she helped me up. “I hope your girlfriend carries underwear knives.” “We both know Toph is a human weapon.” “True.” and I looked Suki over. _You’re not wounded. Good_. She kicked up a spear and pointed it at the two women. “So, ladies. Who wants to go first?” 

They couldn’t respond as a man came stomping in through the door. Loud footsteps. “Shamanesses, we routed the Gerse and-” but the lumbering beast came to a stop, amazed at Suki pointing her spear at their heads and me trying to pose menacingly. “Kozel!” one of the Shamanesses said in a commanding and old voice. “These two are the blood of Kyoshi” the other said. _Wait. What? How did...how did you two... know that?_ We couldn’t speak, we were sent flying backwards by an earth pillar. Or rather, I was sent flying backwards and Suki, being Suki, ran over to grab me. I looked over at the giant from here. Even from across a massive hall, he encompassed the entryway. “Get me my firstborn! The traitor!” he yelled, stomping the ground and sending out shivering quakes from every footfall. Guards ran off. But they did not have to run far. For the doors _slammed_ open and fast, quite loud, steps came running in.

“Father!” Kotyan yelled. His father turned around and drew his large axe. The not-blind Shamaness insisted “Kozel! Do not kill them! They are the blood of Kyoshi!”. The Chief towered over his son. “How did you know?” I asked, stumbling in speech from the really good bang to the head. “She is of the sunrise hair. From Where Sun Rests in Winter. Travelled the world. Ferocious fighter.” I can’t describe Suki’s expression. It would’ve mirrored the best of Toph’s grins when she completed a personal achievement of hers. Like winning the Monarch Earth Rumble. 

The Chief didn’t seem to care at that moment. “This man is a traitor! He is the Emperor! Zheng! Kill him!” and the men surrounding him pointed their weapons at us. The Shamanesses intervened. The blind one said “No! They are the Blood of Kyoshi! Kyoshi helped us!” and the not-blind one added “The Evil Spirits of the North Star dance in the sky above us. The two heirs of Kyoshi have travelled up here to help us fight those spirits!” _No...we haven’t_. But the Chief didn’t care. He didn’t monologue about trying to kill us, he just raised his axe...but had his legs encased in stone. A quick glance past him revealed Kotyan having raised a closed fist. 

Kozel broke out instantly and spun around. _All_ the Warriors that had surrounded the two backed to the corners. “You wish to duel?” The father asked his son, seething with rage. His son’s response? “I do.” As was tradition in these lands, the two took to resolving their differences with a duel. The Warriors couldn’t intervene. This was a familial battle, not a clan-on-clan one. Unlike the rest of the Four Nations, these people _revelled_ in the chance to exert their physical strength on one another. This, among everything else, explained why the Captain was always so burly and why his father is a giant amongst men. An Agni Kai has ‘honor’ as it’s restraint. An Agni Kai has formal traditions. But this isn’t the land of the Ashmakers. This is the land of the Xishan.

The Chief kicked his shackles off, summoning a pillar up to try and bash his son with . Kotyan kicked the pillar in two and pulled two earth discs out of the ground. He flung both at his father. His father swung his axe around, crashing one disc against the axehead and one at the end of the shaft. The Chief then raised an earth wall with the backswing of his lumberman’s axe. Kotyan quickly pulled two more earth discs up. He tossed them like artillery shells over the wall before _grabbing_ the wall with his hands and _tearing_ it off in a copy of a move Toph has done. “You. You betrayed the Zheng.” the Father shouted, raising his axe for a cleaving strike. Kotyan exhaled. And the strike fell.

And the axe-head stopped in mid air. 

The Chief was still trying to _force_ it to go down but it wasn’t working. It froze. As if the axe refused to fall on the metalbender. _Just as Toph trained._ “Her Imperial Majesty _is_ my family. I swore to protect her. I swore to die for her.” and Captain Wuhan tore the axe-head off the shaft and flung it to the side. His voice became one I was familiar with: “Surrender or die.” and the Chief laughed. He proudly declared, one last time, “We do not kowtow, you traitor.” 

So Captain Kotyan of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard stabbed his father’s face with a metalbent _dao_ thrust, then ripped his father’s throat out. With his teeth. His father’s body slumped over and fell to the floor. The duel was over. 

The surrounding soldiers broke into a chant. “Chief Kotyan! Chief Kotyan! Chief Kotyan!” 

Long live Chief Kotyan ‘Wuhan’ Zheng. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Chief Kotyan enacts some new policies.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for the Zheng, part II:  
> -"I woke on the finest..." being the classic Mori opener for a chapter. Normally, he'd say he woke on the finest sheets in the Empire sleeping next to the greatest person in the Empire, Toph.  
> -Mori's abbreviated history of getting attacked covers events from Shirahama up until present. Or, almost present if he wasn't interrupted. No need to explain the references.  
> -One's age in years is counted by springs. Mori might turn 18 in the early winter, but he'd still be considered 17 until the next spring. This is due to high infant mortality and the harsh winters.  
> -"Ey, ey, aj aj aj", the chorus, is based on the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth song Oi Šermukšnio. I didn't translate it to maintain the mystery of the lyrics. Here's the original. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFEOPKDdYKc  
> -Even these tribals have heard of the Dragon of the West.  
> -The men we see in 'Siege of the North' are Xiong Lin 'Barbarians'.  
> -We will encounter more 'Barbarian' tribes in future.  
> -Xisenlin and Xiong Lin are to the west, located in the same spit of land as the Colonies (except to the north and northeast).  
> -Hair is very important in the Empire. Just like the Fire Nation, it's a symbol of honor and pride. To have one's queue cut off, or shaven, is one of the greatest acts of shame. Mori, luckily, only had the bottom portion of some of his hair cut off.  
> -The meeting Mori is referring to between Suki and Sokka is from the Records chapter, 'Field Trip.'  
> -Sarashi knives have been foreshadowed since early in Records. This was one of it's main payoffs.  
> -The duel between Kotyan and Kozel wasn't meant to be complicated or an 'epic' 10 minute long duel. The two fight, Kotyan proves his strength and wins, the tribe follows him.


	59. Into the Far North: Friendly, Friendly Chiefs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new Chief is coronated, a meeting of the Chiefs is held,
> 
> and we dive into the bloody recent history of the Xishan Tribes.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Five:

I barely, the wounds tired me, remember what those men and women that greeted the new Chief saw. I don’t speak their dialect, but the amazement, the terror, the shock, the  _ fear _ , the power… those are words that the eyes can communicate. Men and women saw  _ power  _ in Kotyan. They saw  _ potential _ . Anyone would have to be an idiot to deny that. No, not power. They chanted his name like he was a  _ god _ . 

The new Chief was, in our terms, ‘coronated’ by being marked with sea-raven’s blood on his face. A prayer was held to The Great Hunter with the Shamanesses leading it. It was a prayer to thank Him for protecting them from the Gerse and to ‘anoint’ the new Chief with a bowl of loon-grebe’s blood that he downed like it was good whiskey. Retrospectively,  _ that’s weird but… who am I to judge? The Empress doesn’t like showers.  _ During this prayer, the dancing green curtains from the North returned. Suki spotted them earlier but we didn’t say anything of it, mostly due to...well… you know, the previous events. In the time between one part of nighttime and later at night, the curtains ran North like a cowardly airbender and came  _ back  _ south, well this is the far north, but it’s not the North Pole, and danced above the tribal lands. 

Such a large number of evil dancing green carpet spirits,  _ something like that _ , during the coronation of a Chief is a sign. In other spiritualities and other realms, this may bring the Chief’s reign into question. However, this is not other spiritualities or other realms. The Chief automatically has the ‘Mandate’ if I could call it that. He only loses it when he’s weak. The Spirits are, by and large, viewed as the enemies of the Zheng and the Xishan in general. The Shamanesses declared this incursion of the Spirits as a portent of an oncoming Northern Water Tribe, well in their words, ‘Bastard Sons of the North Star’, invasion. 

Chief Kotyan is by far the best person to have in terms of slightly unfair but still decent deals in regards to the Tribes of the North. After  _ ripping the throat  _ of his own father out in the name of his Empire,  _ by the way Imperial Medal Service, _ please give that man a medal, he obtained absolute authority over the Tribe. His uncles could’ve contested the decision, but as per tradition they would have had to engage in a duel with the incumbent. What he did  _ to his own father _ , something that doesn’t have to be stressed as being a high crime in the Empire,  _ kinslaying _ , that...that’s revolutionary enough.  _ Wait, no. No _ . I was wrong. Killing one’s brother or father is not forbidden in the lands of the Xishan. But his method. He was and is the first metalbender of the Xishan. An art that these people thought was impossible. In that moment, according to the Shamanesses, Kotyan proved to be the strongest man of the Zheng in all of oral history. All this considered, it makes sense that his uncles stepped back from duels. It makes sense that anyone that saw that feat with their own eyes would spread the word. Most of these people can’t even earthbend. That’s also why they didn’t kill us, or rebel. They saw something impossible,  _ impossible, meet Toph _ , and were smart enough to stand down.

Since I’m always going to be a bit slow in the head -when not properly hydrated,  _ mmm, Clear Whiskey _ \- and more importantly exhausted from the wounds, I vouched for my cousin and her ‘direct from the folktales’ mind to act on my behalf. If this was Ba Sing Se, I’d probably have to work to get a bunch of appointments of positions to then draft documents that give someone else permissions to draft documents that I myself don’t even have because the Imperial Palace Assistant Clerk or someone with a name like that  _ has  _ that job and ‘the Imperial Consort doesn’t need to be burdened’ with the oh-so-intense job of writing a few characters on a piece of paper and stamping it with my pocket-sized seal. It’s not the only thing pocket-sized and in my pants. I was granted a dagger made by what passes for a blacksmith up here, made of some kind of jawbone of some massive beast that one of the Chief’s siblings slayed with his bare hands. Back to pocket-sized objects and my cousin’s affinity for pocket-sized objects, the Imperial Pocket Seal comes to mind, I gave her whatever authority  _ I  _ had to help the Chief draft what passes for an alliance up here. And they don’t have parchment to write on, so we...pretended we had one instead. I know, I know, if it’s not stamped with an oversized emblazoning of how superior we are, it’s not official. By that logic, the three of us wandering north like drunks is  _ also  _ not official or legitimate or something like that. But we did it anyway. None-the-matter, we pretended to have something to stamp. 

Once Chief, the sea-raven blood applied to his face was not to be washed off, he immediately got to work treating us as allies. Note,  _ allies _ . Not superiors. Because Northerners aren’t into golden chairs with coin clutching badgermoles behind them that much. Even with his power, there was a line he couldn’t cross. Yet. With his power, there were things he could do and he immediately set out to doing.

The Badgermole Throne and any who represent her were unofficially welcomed to the greatest comforts that the Zheng can provide. By order of the new Chief, we were to be considered “the Sixty First Hall”. Of course, to any reasonable philosophical critics, a Empire of millions is  _ not  _ equal to a small not-even-a-commandery-sized tribal land of ten thousand, if that even. But...when said Chief and Suki and myself, acting as representatives of Her Imperial Majesty, drafted such a verbal agreement, for parchment does not exist up here, I could  _ not  _ be bothered to try and assert our superiority to any degree. The Zheng were free to be the Zheng, the Empire was free to be the Empire. 

For a first in recordable history, a ‘barbarian’ tribe declared it’s kinship to the Badgermole Throne. I would be an idiot to give up a historical opportunity in the name of some stupid ‘enforcement of superiority’ rule that some man in the Imperial Court who’s never seen a battlefield let alone experience other cultures let alone seen Xishan drafted. And...kinship is the wrong word. Temporary alliance.  _ Temporary _ . That’s not because of me, no, no. The credit to all of this goes to two people: My esteemed cousin, Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors, Suki. And the new Chief of the Zheng, Kotyan ‘Wuhan’ Zheng. The Avatar’s blood and the mythical Great Hunter’s blood, together in an agreement.

For Suki’s part, she encouraged us to give the Zheng Tribe, of the southern part of the Majia Commandery, the status of Autonomous Region. If that reminds one of a certain  _ other  _ region, then yes. We can toss out Autonomous Region statuses to whoever we feel like. And they’re just vague enough that we can’t be blamed if there’s unrest problems since ‘they’re autonomous and not part of us  _ that  _ much’. Also breaking with tradition, we didn’t demand that the entire population kowtow to the Badgermole Throne. Likewise, the Zheng would be elevated to a world power. Sure, they’d be quite small, but they’re -the Xishan in general- are certainly a unique enough culture to earn it. They wouldn’t be a  _ nation _ , but they’d be a nation...of their own little domain. We’d have to work out the details of this Imperial-Zheng agreement in future, though at that moment, it was just two teenagers and one man tried their best to figure things out. We were making history and we were sleep deprived. 

So we’d be the titular Sixty First Hall and given all sorts of gifts.  _ More on that soon _ . This title was created with the spiritual approval of the two Shamanesses, who for all intents and purposes decided who did and did not wield, well there’s no word for it, the ‘Mandate’ of the Chiefdom. These same Shamanesses were the ones to declare Kotyan the Chief. Did they have some spiritual authority? I have no idea. I’m sure the one with eyes watched nice and closely as Kotyan ripped the floating axehead off and told the other crone. They’re alive this long for a reason.  _ They’re smart _ . In their ancient eyes,  _ well _ ,  _ one’s ancient eyes as the other just stared at us with that deathly stare that sometimes freaks me out at night when I’m talking to Toph _ , we were eligible to be considered their peers. Kotyan’s word was law.  _ Much like the Badgermole Throne. Oh, the irony of the two warring sides sharing the same authoritarian top down law decreeing.  _

In being the Sixty First Hall, I was considered a ‘Chief’ in my own right, even if the real Chief was the ‘Chieftess’ Toph, except her name was never spoken for sacred purposes. She was simply referred to as the ‘Chieftess of the Sixty First Hall.’ Why her and I instead of just her? In these Chiefdoms, they are egalitarian. The Chief and Chieftess rule as co-rulers when they wish to. And it’s very hard to explain to these people that there’s a  _ title  _ in existence for the sole purpose of heirmaking It’s equally hard to explain the full backstory of why, despite such a title’s existence and an outsider’s perspective on us, Her Imperial Majesty and I are far from traditional members of royalty. It’s also hard to explain what royalty is to these people. They don’t believe in someone happening to be born into a seat of wealth. They’ve never even seen,  _ ha _ , the wealth that the three of us might refer to. As such, I was reduced to a ‘Chief’. Which I’ll gladly accept as a title.  _ Oh the irony. Holding more power here than in my own home _ . 

It gave me,  _ note, Suki pressed me to accept it and not her _ , the kind of representation needed to speak for Her Imperial Majesty in a respectable platform with, well they’re not my peers in the literal sense, but fellow ‘Chiefs.’ And now back to the start. I was offered the comforts of being a ‘Chief’, my own private hut residence as a guest, a fur blanket, and that’s about it -they don’t have the concept of attendants, nobody has servants up here- but I rejected it. Not because I  _ don’t  _ like a fur blanket, or a private place to sleep, or attendants, but because...well it’s the right thing to do. I don’t  _ need  _ that fur blanket, or that private hut, or attendants. I didn’t need it back home on Kyoshi Island. 

Besides, It’s a good idea if the Jade City’s main representative acts humble. If I’m humble, then these people’s perceptions of the ‘Land Where Sun Rests in Winter’ may be changed.  _ And we want them changed _ . So Suki and I were given a bunk bed in the Chief’s quarters. Why? He insisted, in a commanding tone, ‘take a bunk bed in my hut, Chief Hayashi.’ I couldn’t comment on the comedy of a Captain telling the Emperor what to do,  _ I really wanted to though.  _ Within this region, it’s not a good idea to refuse a throat chomping Chief.

Despite the feet of snow and the fact it’s the winter solstice meaning the Sun not only won’t rise -we are north of the Zhenzheng Mountains- but we wouldn’t see the twilight that precedes and succeeds whatever little amount of ‘Sun’ ‘rise’ that there is for many _geng,_ the Chief was not afraid of the portents the Shamanesses saw. He took this as a cause to do something else entirely. He ordered runners to be dispatched to _all_ the Northern Tribes to call for aid. _To bring the Tribes together once more_. Runners. In the dark. 

I could document each one’s epic journey and how they overcame snowfall, wild animals and running through the darkness lit only by the green lights above them, all to find a fellow Chief or Chieftess dining or asleep or learning to multiply, or… I could not. Because who cares about the runners? They ran. The Tribes lack messenger hawks or ostrich horses. They can cross entire commanderies in...well there’s no good unit of measurement for time up here, but it’s as fast as the Dai Li can skate. I’d argue that years of hunting and running into the forests, foothills and peaks on a daily basis can condition one’s legs for such daunting tasks. I mean, the only reason Suki and I have ease,  _ correction, we don’t like it that much but it’s not inherently hard _ , ascending the Thousand Steps is because we grew up going mountain climbing. Or...upland climbing. The two of us have gone running most of our days. I, more than Suki, as I had to rise early every morning to catch a duck-goose. But we, the Empire in general, can’t compare to these Tribes’ capabilities. It’s to be expected. They lack the bending to a similar scale as the Earth Empire or the Northern Water Tribe, they lack the boats of either, along with aforementioned maluses of long nights, frigid wilderness, and a general lack of population density. By the time I woke up, the next ‘day’, namely the next ‘night’, so almost a full day had passed, the runners had run to most of these Tribes and come back again.

Soon after the runners were sent out, I think, I don’t remember when, Kotyan and Suki took to resolving another issue. I was roused from a state of exhaustion and requested by my cousin to drink that milky substance that, while retch worthy, ‘would make the stitching painless.’ She softly told me this, and I told her -I think Kotyan was present- that ‘I trust you and anyone Chief Kotyan trusts, to do the right thing.’ So I drank the liquid. 

The effects of this herbal remedy were similar to what I believe chi-blocking feels like. My whole body went limp. I couldn’t move my chest, let alone my arm. It wasn’t enough to knock me out, it was enough, as baby-faced Sirin said, ‘to dull the arm’. It dulled the arm and she took out a very imposing sewing needle. Credit to me,  _ yay me? _ , I sat through watching this. Kind of. My head was resting on a pillow up against a wall, so I could only see so much. She and Suki, with Gundes as an assistant, sewed up the knife wound that had opened. Suki commented that she was surprised I forgot it opened. I replied that ‘with all due respect, the circumstances were a bit more important.’ She nodded in agreement.  _ Oh, Kyoshi Islanders. Trained to do nearly anything and picking hobbies in everything. Go us.  _ The locals also deserve respect. Sirin  _ looked  _ like she knew her salves and balms. I mean, maybe she didn’t. I have one eye, after all. At some point from all this, I fell asleep.

It is with this precedent that I woke on above-average fresh furs on the top bunk of two. A fire was alight, it’s oranges and yellows dancing in a choreographed performance in the center of this rounded structure. It attracted my good eye only so much. My attention returned to me. My extremities were wrapped inside good furs, which, while limiting my attempts to roll myself off my bed, kept them warm. Toasty, even.

_ This  _ time I woke up, my arm was bound in sarashi. Was it mine? Was it Suki’s? No, both those options are dumb. Suki brings a bunch of extra with her because as she always puts it, ‘you don’t need it until you do’. Back in the wonderful present, I sat up, flinging the blanket forward and exposing myself to the cool winter air. I looked around only to discover one young woman lying on the floor like a drunkard and, well, a floor, and some Warriors sleeping in bunks across from me. There was also the Chief’s bunk, which was more like an enclosed cabin within a large structure with its own fur-covering doorway and not-window holes on either side. All structural components were made of wood with stone foundations. I collected my clothes... _ wait are these mine? What are they doing here if they aren’t?  _

Fine, I collected these black, red and brown clothes that were made of furs, since it’s always good to march into the unknown while wearing pants, and performed the acrobatic achievement of pulling on clothes while trying not to force myself to fall off this five or six-foot high platform I was sleeping on. And also, not straining the hand I wasn’t supposed to strain that much.  _ What is it with me and always being ‘that guy’ to emerge with a stab or an arrow wound or a missing eye. Oh, that’s an internal monologue for a less cold time.  _ As much as I loved cold, I love war more than the cold and as such grabbed my - _ thank you for leaving it next to me, Sukes _ \- simple scabbard and  _ beautiful  _ black blade within. With proper Northerner clothes to match my personality change... _ wait no that’s wrong, my personality didn’t change _ … with proper Northerner clothes because when in the middle of frigid ice-forest land, wear as they wear or eventually succumb to the cold, I hopped off and  _ almost  _ stuck the landing. I did land on a fur carpet on the floor, but the carpet chose to slide out from under me like a squirming piece of dinner and caused me to go down, down,  _ down  _ into a face-slam with the floor. Once back topside and given a healthy shake-up by reality itself, I consulted with the body lying there next to the dancing flames. 

“What seems to be the matter?” Because nothing like waking someone up with such a question. The person was not in fact dead, which is why she was able to roll over towards my direction and reveal herself to be... _ wait are you Sirin or Gundes? _ ...one of those two Considering she opened her eyes, looked at me, was either shocked or embarrassed, and propelled herself upwards like some kind of deranged Ty Lee,  _ I’m going with...Gundes.  _ “I was asleep” this Gundes and her fur blanket that she hastily threw over herself told me. “Are you Gundes?” and my question was given the reward of a “That’s me!” and... _ are you just...Xishan Ty Lee?  _ “You don’t have to answer this, but can you perform feats of acrobatics?” and Gundes stood there, mesmerized by the sentence I put together. Because she’s...Gundes...she went “Yes.”  _ Oh. Good.  _ “Why are you lying next to a fire?” and she took to getting up, revealing that she was wearing what looked like a brown version of a Water Tribe summer outfit.  _ That’s all you need for the cold?  _ An under robe.  _ Pardon my judgement, but sarashi is not a concept these people have. They just...don’t.  _

I turned away from her when I realized what I realized. I have a hunch that the Xishan, like Kyoshi Island, are far more...accepting… of… let’s call it, social informality. Kyoshi Islanders aren’t ashamed to… I don’t know how to put it for an Archivist’s perspective. We have a sauna culture, and the saunas are usually shared by men and women. Nobody with eyes is doing anything they shouldn’t, thanks to Kyoshi’s Ethics. Skinny-dipping in the middle of winter is a social norm for us. Considering this woman didn’t punch me in the face for stumbling into the discovery of a lack of sarashi, I’d bet some gold that this social un-norm, or social informality, or social norm for Kyoshi Island might be shared by the Xishan.

While I reflected on cultures, Gundes recognized that she wasn’t wearing that much and tied on her robe. I heard the sound of a flapping blanket, which then sounded like it was thrown over something. Or some _ one _ . I heard her walk away from the fire and into the darkness. “You can turn now.” she told me. No ‘thank you’, but  _ hey, my Empress doesn’t say ‘thank you’ either. _ I turned back towards her. She was wearing the blanket as a cloak.

I repeated my question from before. “Why were you lying next to the fire? Why not lie in a bunk?” “Elder brother wanted me to stay here to stay close to the new Chief.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ I took to walking for the doorway, if things were going to get...Ty Lee-ish then the safest place is not-inside. “Your arm.” she asked, or stated.  _ Oh. I thought...something else. ‘Staying close’ has many meanings. Your father had his own idea of what that meant. He and Lao Beifong may be friends in that regard. I’m glad it wasn’t that _ . My arm felt fine, and besides I’m not here to talk about arms. “Where’s your brother?” “Elder brother is in the Great Hall. Is there anything I can get you?” and maybe it’s because she has that same tone as the newest Kyoshi Warrior, maybe it’s because she sounded flirtatious, sweet-voiced, but flirtatious, maybe it’s the lack of clothes, maybe it’s for another reason, but I decided that the absolute best course of action was to take my feet and pretend to earth pillar myself into the next commandery.

A few buildings over, I entered the Great Hall of the Zheng. The two door-guards surprised me with a lack of ‘Presenting, His Imperial Majesty, the-’ and so on and so on, but then I recalled that up here I’ve got less,  _ no, fewer _ , titles. I entered the room to find...a bunch of people sitting around a fireplace. When I say ‘a bunch of people’, they weren’t the same from last time I entered this structure and met a bunch of people who had names but were not that relevant to me or my personal goals. These were different people. Kotyan sat where the Shamanesses once did, his...brother?,  _ I’m going to go with _ ...his brother, distinguished by a braided beard, sat to his left. The two brothers of the previous Chief sat to his right. One had his very long black hair that descends to his waist reddened with... _ is that blood? _ ... and nearly as long a beard, the other was wearing an antler-cap that covered his likewise long black hair, but this time with a goatee-less beard. The four of them all bore the same thick black eyebrows and flattened noses. It was by these similarities that I identified their blood-affiliation with the Chief. 

The Chief spotted me, stood, and yelled “Chief Hayashi!”. I had to instantly remember to _not_ involuntarily bow, and instead I walked up to him and the two of us exchanged a tiger-bear hug. The other figures, all of whom were facing Kotyan, turned to me and looked at myself and my loose auburn hair that was not done in any fashion. Of the six I did not recognize, _note, at that time I couldn’t look them all over_ , one of them was a woman. Her hair was long and braided in three places. One ran down her back, two came down on either side of her head. “This is the young Chief of the Kyoshi?” she asked with a tone of _‘ha, you’re kidding’_ that all cultures and people share. Kotyan looked at her and pointed at me and my...self. “He is a young spruce, Irge. But like a young spruce, he has more agility than all of us.” _Do I? You’re confusing me with my cousin._ “Is that why he wields an Ashmaker sword?” one of the three non-Zheng asked. This man had a braided beard and all his hair brought together in a single braid before becoming like a wide plume and falling behind him. I looked down at my scabbard and... _I guess this blade is less common in Empire lands…_ but whatever thoughts I had didn’t continue, Kotyan stepped over to me and _drew_ my blade. With a swish, he pointed it up at the sky. The whole room went wide-eyed. “He...he is blessed by The Great Hunter!” the blood-haired man said, followed by breaking into a short prayer to their sky-deity. The rest of the room joined him in prayer. 

One  _ fen  _ later, Chief Kotyan took me and used his hand to introduce me to the rest of the Chiefs. “Chieftess Irge of the Pangou” and the woman with her two axes, one slung against either hip, ‘hmphed’. “Chief Aepak of the Majia.” and a man with a long pointed grey beard, unbraided, and a thick blackish-grey mustache put his hand on his waist scabbard. He too wore the heavy furs of, well, the ‘Northerners’. “Chief Sugr of the Si Gou,” a man with a brownish-black mustacheless beard quietly looked at me. “Chief Vachir of the Zhag’yab” was the man with a grey roughly tied topknot, and disconnected mustache and chinstrap beard. “Chief Sotan of the Xainza,” this black haired short bearded man, he looked not much older than I, wore seashells on top of his furs. He also carried a bone spear and whalebone dagger. “Chief Girgen of the Weiyi Mountains” and a man removed the fur covering from his head to reveal that he was, one, bald, two, had an axe-head lodged in his skull and three, gestured with his elbow towards a  _ guandao  _ that rested against one of the poles of this building. “Where did he get that from?” I asked, gulping. “He reclaimed it from a fallen Southerner” Kotyan explained, for my sake.  _ Oh good. You killed a large man and took his big dao on a stick.  _ Girgen gave a grunt of agreement.

After being introduced to them, I was led to a vacant stone seat that looked inward at this fireplace. Kotyan resumed his position directly opposite from me. He cheered me, stating “With the help of Chief Hayashi, we will have all we need to bring together the Halls!” I couldn’t help but smile at that strange, but nice to hear, title. Since I was a bit of an idiot, I needed an explanation. “There’s seven Chiefs here, there’s sixty one in total. Where’s the other...ones?”  _ You can’t fault me for forgetting basic numbers, _ but this thought process was interrupted by the young one, Sirin, offering me a goblet bearing  _ earth coin motifs. Liberated from the Empire, it seems _ . I clutched it and she poured me something to drink. I sipped it,  _ ale? _ , and savored the taste, licking my lips. Kotyan, too, took a ‘liberated’ goblet and drank some of this stuff. “We didn’t send runners to those filthy Kazarigs and the Yancunese rejected us.”  _ But that’s...not sixty one in total _ .  _ That’s two down and...many to go _ .

Side note, I let the taste slosh around in my mouth. It took another half-goblet for me to figure out why I liked it. This was spruce ale. Kyoshi Island often brewed this as a cheaper, sellable, alternative for the traders. It tasted less citrusy and more...piney. But it was still a distinct desirable blend. “I take it you’ve sent mustering calls to all the Tribes?” and he scoffed. “No, only those who we think would answer. If the Qiugou and Ansai refuse us, then we will make do without them.”  _ But...Sixty One Great Halls. Seven out of Sixty One… I guess seven united is pretty good _ .  _ But… that’s… still a low number. Better than nothing _ .

I shouldn’t have asked this, but I blurted it out anyways, “Why did the other six of you come to Chief Kotyan?”. To my surprise, they didn’t all take out their knives and gut me. “Us Majia are blood brothers of the Zheng” the unbraided, untamed elder Majia man stated. “Long ago, the Pangou and the Zheng hunted together. We honor that tradition” and the Chieftess, courtesy Sirin walking around serving everyone food, chomped into some kind of meat. “Uzluk helped us fight off mercenaries,” the brown-haired Si Gou man said, punching the air with his fist. Or...smashing it. Same idea. _He was glad to have Uzluk’s aid at some point._ “Together, we can break the Gerse and their...Bastard Son of the North Star allies” the top-knotted Vachir said before also punching the air with his fist. _Bastard Son of the_ _North Star allies?_ Kotyan looked to the bald one. “Girgen’s here because the Weiyi love a good head-cracking, right, Girgen?” and, uncharacteristically, Kotyan smiled. Girgen gave a small grunt of some kind. _Note, do not engage in an intellectual conversation with this… Girgen. He looks like he’ll eat me for breakfast_. “The Xainza are forever in debt to the Zheng” the young Chief told me before turning to face one of the Zheng. _Is there going to be some kind of epic story to all this?_

I  _ had  _ to educate this curiosity. “Kotyan, is there a story to all this?” “Yes, Chief, there is” he replied, as if knowing that I both detested - _ come on, we’ve got a war to start _ \- and loved  _ -I greatly enjoy learning about other cultures _ \- hearing stories. “Sit back, Hayashi. Grab some ale-” and he waved over Sirin, “-Sister, bring him some ale-” then he looked at me, “-and relax.” Sirin poured me some ale from a pitcher and gave me a little smile with it. Kotyan told the other Chiefs, in a deep accent, that he was going to spend the next amount of time ‘telling me a story’, from what I could derive. They agreed to it, Aepak being the only one whose answer I fully understood. “It is good for the Chief Hayashi to know our history.” Kotyan turned his voice into one of an aged storyteller. A veteran of a hundred battles. “Sit back, Hayashi. Into the north I shall take you.”

After the death of Chief Kopyak at the hands of raiding Northern Water Tribesmen, the Tribes of the North came together under a coalition of sorts. The Great Halls of the Zheng, Pangou, Qingjie, Majia, Si Gou, Weiyi Shijian,  _ note, not to be confused with the Weiyi _ , Weiyi, Xainza, Drongyen, Zhag’yab, Chatri and even the Zhenxing from all the way down near Awooga, came together under one person. One woman. Ozlem. The Chieftess of the Zheng. She swore vengeance on the Northern Water Tribe, or in the Xishan’s words, the ‘Bastard Sons of the North Star’, and while Chiefs being killed by their own families was allowed -infighting was infighting, strength defines power as I’ve seen with my good eye- and Chiefs being killed by rival Chiefs was allowed -commonly done in a brutal fashion- a Northern Water Tribe raid was never just forgiven. If the poets were writing this, they’d say it was shunned. 

In a practical sense, it did what nothing else, whether snowstorm or winter, could do. It united these Tribes under one goal. To avenge the death of one of their kinsmen. An excuse to unify in a war to fight back against, and kill, some Bastard Sons of the North Star. Previously, the Weiyi Shijian and Si Gou had fought skirmishes and the Qingjia and Pangou had a fifteen on fifteen scuffle over someone’s daughter ending up in someone else’s bunk. But when an external threat pressured them, they came together to fight their mutual enemy. The Northern Water Tribe.

As the Chiefs and Chieftesses came together, they brought their Great Halls together. Each led his or her band, but they also strategized towards pooling resources against their opponents. Sure, in retrospect this sounds like a bunch of Tribals plotting to rid the other and advance one’s own position but if they  _ didn’t  _ work together, the Northern Water Tribe would easily drive them into extinction. And, as much as they hated one another, they hated the Bastard Sons of the North Star far more. They knew their forces better than the Northerners did, and they were going to exploit that to whatever end they could manage. With the objective of raiding the Ice Coast in mind, they got to work.

Chieftess Asayun led the Xainza at that time. She was a prestigious raider, having pillaged land from as far west as the Huzhou Straits, the land between the Earth Coast and the Western Air Temple Islands; to Helong, the land just west of Taizigou. From as far south as the Wulong Forest Coast to as far north as the lands of Qallut in the Northern Water Tribe. She may have seen seventy springs but that didn’t stop the woman whose hair had gone white like Death itself from having her thigh-length hair braided, her axe sheathed, and her longboat set out to sea. 

Chief Bonyak the Blacktongue, so named for a counterattack against an Ashmaker offensive where the Fire Navy Captain torched his tongue. The Chief of the Pangou wielded the double hammers Cilen and Cicek, named for his sisters, killed and...worse… by a previous Fire Nation raid. Despite the burning, he bashed in the skull of the poor Fire Navy Captain. He then stormed the Captain’s encampment with twelve other men and killed a hundred and boarded and captured the docked cruiser. The Chief of Pangou was picked to be one of the commanders for the land operations, citing his large stature and intimidating lead from the front mentality as good traits.

Chief Itlar ‘the Wanderer’ of the Zhag’yab was a capable commander. He led raids against the Earth Kingdom’s positions in the Northern Air Temple lands. He led raids against the Fire Nation when it tried to take control and  _ hold  _ the Northern Air Temple lands since his home was one ‘commandery’ over. He also might’ve travelled south to the Kingdom’s lands occupied by the Fire Nation and...well the best way I can put it, he travelled from town-to-town winning the hearts of female Fire Nation officers with his charisma and ability to speak normal dialects. Oh, and strength. When I say he won their hearts, Kotyan implied he also won their pants. It’s said he has a hundred descendants in the ‘lands of the Ashmakers.’ Itlar forged a ceasefire with the Fire Nation after the other side’s ‘negotiator’ and he happened to do some ‘negotiating’ in a hut somewhere. She was also probably amazed by his ability to swing a bone-spear. I don’t know. Either way, the mix of his charisma, his worldliness and his strength as a fighter earned him a place among the Great Halls as one of the many ‘commanders’ of this operation.

Chieftess Ozlem gathered all the Chiefs and Chieftesses at the Majia Coast. Together they numbered about twenty thousand, composed of the most experienced bands of all the named Tribes. Not all the bands, just the best. That said, they lacked much in the way of weaponry. Bone-tipped spears, stone axes, stone mauls, stone hammers, bone-daggers and  _ lots  _ of bows and arrows. The quote-unquote ‘generals’ of this operation were, according to Kotyan, outfitted with looted weapons such as  _ dao  _ or  _ jians _ . The fleet of hundreds upon hundreds of small longships gathered, each one led by a personal strongman or strongwoman. It was a short, relative speaking, few days of rowing to cross the North Sea, so named the ‘Frozen Sea’ here, to reach the coast of the Northern Water Tribe. Other nations, other peoples, other armies, other commanders...they might do something smart like plan a hundred flanking maneuvers to take the Northern Water Tribe from a hundred different angles. But the Tribes don’t act like that. In their eyes, the only good combatant is the headstrong one. Their first targets? The lands we would know as Otok and Aquijuq. 

Imnek, the forty-eight year old Minor Chief of Illitkosetsiak, woke on a day when the Sun would rise in the east and set in the west, and woke to the alarm drums of a fleet of rowboats and small cutters flying emblemless black-and-red sails. Chieftess Asayun and her band of fighters landed in the port-town before the waterbender garrison could even wake up. Her fighters made for the barracks, getting rid of most of the garrison in their sleep. Noncombatants, hearing the screams as the full strength of the Xainza fell upon their town, took whatever they could carry and fled into the tundra. The few buffalo yaks in the city were repurposed for sending cries of help out to the surrounding towns. While Asayun sliced Imnek into three pieces, fellow fighters, wielding nothing more than stone axes, sacked the town of all it’s belongings. Mostly furs and the occasional good weapon. Besides, the Water Tribes aren’t known for their excellent blacksmithing. Especially out in the ‘rural’,  _ ha _ , parts of the land. All she needed were twenty nine longships to sack an entire town.

The bloodening had just begun. At the same time, Bonyak and some of his ships sailed up the coast and found the Temple of Nanngui. Nobody even knows who the Water Sage was that led that Temple, but he and all his priests were killed by twenty two of Bonyak’s personal black-tongue painted men. That’s right, his personal retinue painted their tongues black to mimic his. They also painted red ‘scars’ on their faces to match the explosion-shaped one he received from fighting a firebender. Nanngui’s artifacts were sacked and loaded onto the boats. 

Up and down the Otok Coast, the Spirits favored the Xishan that day. What may normally be foggy conditions were clear skies. An already-set Moon meant whatever defenders that could be scrapped together from the destitute fishing hamlets had even less effect against the oncoming invaders. Rowboats and cutters would break off from the armada that slowly divided itself and take to looting whatever they could see. By nightfall, half the commandery, well to us it’s a commandery to them it’s a rough outline of tribal lands, was stripped of its riches. It’s holy sites were destroyed and it’s main source of food was annihilated as any and all fishing vessels from the smallest one man kayak to the largest blue-sail flying Minor Chief’s cutter were repurposed by the Xishan or scrapped.

The lands of Aquijuq weren’t as blind. By the next morning, equinox mornings, equal parts day and night mornings, news had spread that an invasion was at their shores to the west. Minor Chief Pukak barred the gates of his town and summoned the men from the surrounding hamlets to prepare for a defense. The women and children were sent northwards along the coast, with Pukak believing, according to Kotyan, that  _ eventually  _ the Xishan would run out of vengeance steam and be bottled up by attrition, as all invaders were. 

Chief Itlar and Chief Koza “The Iron Legged,” for having lost a leg -and gained an iron one- in a Kingdom-backed assault on the Si Gou, of the Si Gou, came to Pukak’s gates. The Xishan didn’t believe in ‘surrendering’. Pukak knew this. The low western Moon gave him and his men enough strength to batter any would-be attackers with ice spears and other such projectile weaponry. Such was the fate of Chieftess Yeldem of the Si Gou, she took her boat to try and break in through the sea and was killed with a tentacle that turned into an ice spear. What Pukak, like most people, never counted on, was their population. For many women, primarily the healers, were ordered to stay. And some of those women spotted the Chieftesses of this assault, their fur-lined cloaks and armor, and despite their lack of bending, their relentless attacking, and… 

Well nobody knows what triggered what. Maybe it was a wife who had had enough of her husband. Maybe it was a healer who hated her role. Maybe it was a woman who heard the folktales of the ‘filthy barbarians’ being composed solely of faceless men who brutally killed any who stood in their way. It is unknown. But  _ a  _ woman, in a fit of waterbending rage, brought down the gates of this town, letting a tidal wave of Xishan in. We don’t even know if this is a real story, nobody sitting at this table was present in the one-morning Siege of Aquijuq. It’s recited like a folktale but has some facts that line up with the Northern Water Tribe’s culture. It didn’t matter. Someone brought those gates down and the town was pillaged. Pukak was struck thrice through by the ‘Iron-Legged’’s bow and arrow.

By the next day, the coalition showed signs of failure. Not because they were losing motivation to sack their arch-rivals. But because the Tribes never really unified. It was more akin to each Chief agreeing to attack  _ a  _ place. And by that morning, Aquiluq and Otok had been looted of anything not hidden by snow. Uzluk, brother to the late Zheng Chief, went with his elder inland towards Sanngijuq’s tribal lands. 

The Zheng clashed with the locals at the Battle of Taimq. A hundred Zheng led the vanguard, reinforced by a few hundred more Si Gou and Majia. Minor Chief Tadlo, like a vast majority of the Northern Water Tribe, lacked the waterbenders that the coastal ‘commanderies’ had. His men grabbed their bone-spears and large shields, he grabbed his bone-club, and they formed at a thin pass where the Imijauti Mountains, or as named by the Xishan, the Peaks Where Sun Hides in Summer, the name is self-explanatory, met the Sanngijuq Foothills. The Xishan might’ve just been on two-days of nonstop raiding, but they weren’t out of energy. 

I paraphrased Uzluk’s -he knows our dialect- words. Tadlo and his men interlocked shields and ‘cowered’ behind them. Kozel was at the very front of his lines. He tore a shield off with his axe before swinging it and de-legging three men. Uzluk and his spear were part of the first wave of men and women who followed Kozel as the former punched a hole into Tadlo’s lines. Kozel spotted Tadlo, the one club-wielder at the back of his formation, and challenged the man to the duel, offering the latter one of his lieutenant’s heads. Tadlo, being an idiot, dared to duel Kozel. To nobody’s surprise, the man who died recently outlasted the man whose name hasn’t appeared in any conversations preceding now. Credit to Tadlo, his head was apparently so meaty it caught the late Chief’s axe. What do you do if your axe is lodged in someone? Why, grab the person and swing them around like a club. Uzluk’s spear, meanwhile, claimed five Bastard Sons of the North Star. His dagger claimed two. 

Far from the rampaging Zheng who catapulted themselves into their opponents, Chief Kopuk the Second, of the long line of Atanniupaa Chiefs, ruler of the whole Northern Water Tribe, received news of something along the lines of ‘as many longships as the stars’. Why do I say this? Because the Northern Water Tribe tends not to muster the Chief’s Fleet unless they’re faced with destruction of so much land. Kopuk, like his father and his grandfather before him, never needed to muster the Chief’s Fleet. Locked behind the North Wall, life progressed in a ‘noble’, pre-war, chauvinistic fashion. Or maybe he was told that the ‘barbarians’ that were striking westwards and towards the Capital were led by a  _ woman  _ and if the people saw a  _ woman  _ leading an army, all the propaganda they were raised on would come crumbling down. That would make a lot of sense,  _ see Aquijuq,  _ but we don’t know. Maybe Kopuk in his old age started to care about his petty Chiefdoms. They were bringing in loot from somewhere. 

Three hundred ships. War Catamarans. That was the fleet of Chief Kopuk,  _ note, why does everyone up here have a ‘K’ name? _ . That was a fleet that sat in and around the Northern Water Tribe’s capital. Three hundred ships that sat up there while the Kingdom burned and countless groups were driven into extinction. How many Fire Nation landings from Garsai to Beisu could’ve been stopped?  _ Instead of letting his subordinates go out to raid the ‘barbarians’, maybe take the boats and sail for the Mo Ce or the Sunrise Sea? _ No, no, because this was the Northern Water Tribe. Three hundred war cutters outfitted with waterbenders taken from the tundra-lands and pulled into defending the capital. Sure, the Fire Navy could rarely break the blockade that surrounded the seas of the Northern Water Tribe, but what did it matter? When an entire continent of riches is to be had, and it’s known that you’re going to sit on your blue cushion and watch the rest of the world burn while you stick your head in the snow, why  _ would  _ the Fire Nation bother? Kill the carp-bass or hunt the elephant-koi? Fire Lord Azulon got more than enough prestige beating the Northern Water Tribe’s sister time and time again. And the Northern Water Tribe couldn’t do much ‘going with the flow’.

By this point, the Xishan had already scattered in almost as many directions as there were tribes. The Zheng, Majia and Si Gou being absolute fruit pies chose to race into the hinterland. As previously mentioned, their endeavours worked. Why? Because aside from those from the Northern Water Tribe, only her sister, Kyoshi Island, Earth Islanders and the ‘Barbarians’ can survive her harsh climate. The Weiyi Shijian, Drongyen, Zhag’yab, and Chatri, having looted enough gold, weapons and furs from the Town of Muruniu and the Sikuiqtua Temple, took half the Majia’s fleet -as between the three they lacked any boats- and went home. 

The late Zheng Chief, upon finding out that he reached a point in the Northern Water Tribe where they ran out of towns and everything was just sustenance villages comprised of not much more than hunter gatherer, who, among them, lacked a single piece of currency, opted to turn around and go home. He and his fellows took the other half of the Majia’s fleet and, guess what,  _ also  _ went home. Which left the Pangou, Qingjie, Zhenxing and Xainza. Chieftess Asayun barrelled west like an airship crashing into the Wulong Forest. 

If they were the airship, the Pillars of Wulong was the land just east of the town of Pialaitok. 

There, Chief Kopuk landed his well-trained and yet quite inexperienced -they still thought the Fire Navy used the old-style helmets- army of thousands. Asayun’s forces saw this and...charged anyway. I know, I know, why do I expect formations - _ like ‘everyone should charge Caldera on the Day of Black Sun and let’s just hope we can hold them’ levels of intelligence _ \- from people who live in such domiciles at the far end of the world. I guess it’s because despite those domiciles, they are supposed to be well-weathered against the North. 

Kopuk was a  _ real  _ Northern Chief, that is, he commanded his men from the back line inside the comforts of an igloo.  _ That’s how they always did it. I guess it matches their ‘go with the flow’ nonsense _ . Asayun’s forces, led by the Blacktongue, crashed against the shieldwall of Kopuk. The first four rows of men might’ve been skewered like a boar-q-pine, sure, but the fifth, sixth and seventh lines could buckle, lock shields, and strike back. And earthbenders had no purpose here. The ground was ice. Out at sea, Prince Arnook, the very same, led his navy against Chieftess Asayun and the Xainza-Pangou Fleet. But they weren’t engaging to board. Arnook was educated enough to know that trying to board would be a costly strategy. Why do that when he has range? War Catamarans sailed up to the Chieftess’s fleet, lobbed a few icicles against them, then retreated. They did this time and time again. 

It was claimed that the Xainza found some brief success. When Arnook’s ships approached, the experienced tiger seal-skin wearing Xainza longshipmen and longship women took their bows and hit back. One of Arnook’s uncles, aboard his personal flagship War Catamaran, was boarded by a Xainza vessel, not Asayun’s, and the uncle was killed with a bone harpoon through the chest. His ship wasn’t reinforced. This appeared to be a portent of victory. Appeared. 

It was only when the low Sun finally set did everyone realize what was happening. It was only then did they realize why Arnook’s ships kept retreating and staying away from fights and rarely if ever reinforcing their fellow vessels. They were practicing neutral  _ jing _ . Pulling… the Xishan realized too late...and  _ pushing _ .

The moment the full red Moon emerged from the east, Arnook’s forces jumped  _ off  _ their ships and turned the sea itself to ice. Each waterbender became his own weapon, ice-skating across the being frozen seas. Upon reaching Asayun’s fleet, they plunged ice spikes through the keels and hulls of her ships. They drew out water rings and sliced wooden masts apart and cut large gashes into fur and the men and women in those furs. Her troops fought back, killing the few waterbenders who were slow enough to eat an axe, but it was too little too late. Asalup was there, he took some Zheng men and joined the westwards campaign. Asalup, according to Kotyan’s retelling, remembered what had happened. He remembered, but he shook like...how I shake after I remember the duel with Shinji.  _ There are some memories best left...un-delved into _ .  _ The burning. The eye being...crushed _ .

And yet, he mustered the inner strength to tell the story. To paraphrase him: the Bastard Sons of the North Star surrounded the land-forces and crammed them against the ‘coast’ if it could be called that. The Chieftess ordered a tactical retreat and bands of Xishaners clambered aboard anything that remotely resembled a boat. Individuals took kayaks, vessels that might not have been theirs, but now they were, and rowed south, fast. The Blacktongue threw all the loot they had worked so hard to get overboard to make some space for the retreating Tribesmen and Tribeswomen. In the meantime, Asayun took her vessels and formed a sea ring around the coastline. Layer upon layer of small longships formed up to hold off the rest of Arnook’s forces while her allies got to the ships and fled. Back on land, waterbenders would emerge from behind a wall of shields to impale random soldiers with the deadly accuracy that even novice waterbenders possess. Impaled by icicles in heads and chests, or having water rings cut arms off. Others were grabbed by tentacles and dragged into the spear and shield line, only to be given death by ten bone-tipped spear stabs. 

The night drew on them. Arnook withheld his men from killing those retreating, instead going after Asayun’s grand personal navy of longships. And her longships were no match for his catamarans. The former might be good at sailing quickly, and able to run up rivers, but the latter was  _ built  _ for these conditions. Conditions that the waterbenders could modify. And while the former was outfitted with archers and the occasional earthbender, the latter was maintained by waterbenders. The Northerners didn’t go into the darkness without a fight, there were occasional glimmers of victory. Like when the Blacktongue and his personal band of black-and-red warpaint wearing crazies broke through the eastern shieldwall. They  _ did  _ bust their allies out, only for a couple master waterbenders to destroy the coastline they ran upon, sending his men into the frozen waters and giving him the most undignified death possible. It’s said he was blasted with a snow drift. He didn’t appear frozen externally,  _ there were many who were _ . Instead, he stopped, his hammer in the middle of the swing, and fell over. It’s believed that the waterbender froze his organs solid. What was Asalup’s part in this? That question made for a great segue into the infamous part of this battle, the part that people up here retell over and over on the yearly anniversary of the event.

The “Battle of the Torches”, as it’s called. The Xishan weren’t firebenders. They brought torches with them to use while campaigning at night. The Northern Water Tribe used the light of the Moon. With the last of the boats filled to the brim, Asayun declared a full retreat. It’s claimed that her ‘full retreat’ was more of chaotic anarchy. The coalition collapsed, everyone was out for their personal families at best and themselves at worst. Assuming she  _ did  _ call the retreat, nobody could fault her, and considering people like Chief Kozel can lob half a dozen men’s heads off at once, and doubly considering the  _ heroic  _ Kopuk’s  _ heroism _ , there was a  _ chance  _ that the men on the coast might survive. 

Nope. They were already dead. And they knew they were already dead, and Asayun was trying to save what she could. The forces that weren’t able to retreat on the boats formed a line of torchlights on the coast of Pialiatok. As the waterbenders tightened the noose, the lights dwindled and dwindled. Asalup was one of the last boats to depart and was one of the only boats who saw those torches turn into twinkling stars and diminish from ‘a hundred to fifty’, soon ‘fifty to twenty’, then ‘twenty to ten’ and ‘ten to five’...until one torch remained. One torch and the gurgling sounds of icicles impaling people. The sounds of bones being crunched by waterbending. The screams of men and women being ripped apart by waterbending. The screams of those being frozen to death. The torch went out. 

If this was the Fire Nation or the Earth Kingdom, that might’ve been it. Retreating force retreats, winner cleans his wounds and gets a good sleep. In the Imperial Army’s manual, that’s the advised strategy. Night combat is never advised. Same with what I remember from Shirahama. The Fire Nation, even though they have the tactical advantage of being human lanterns, are advised against nighttime combat because of visibility.  _ Nope _ . The Northern Lights, as if by command, emerged overhead. Maybe it  _ was  _ by command. Maybe it was the Spirits getting their revenge for their holy sites being desecrated, looted, and destroyed.

As the surviving longships went south, the water around them began freezing. And this isn’t freezing akin to weather, the water would be water one  _ miao  _ and ice the next. Those ice-blasts wouldn’t be precise, nor would they be meant to flatten the water. Most of the waves were frozen mid-wave, leaving sharp spikes jutting out of turbulent, upturned ‘land’. The evil green Spirits on high granted Asayun and the rest of the rearguard the ability to see, not behind them, but see one another’s vessel as the nightmare unfurled itself like a stage play. Like a performance. What they didn’t realize is the performance was just beginning.  _ And they were the actors _ .

Waterbenders were skating after them. Those waterbenders let out a variety of war cries, all meant to terrify the vessels themselves. Ululations, howls, but their favorite were these blood-curdling screeches. These screeches that echoed across the ice-ocean. Screeches that could’ve been coming from somewhere, anywhere, in any direction. The longships were outfitted with torches, as would make sense, and those torches would, one moment, be there, and the next, snuffed out. If they were fortunate, they could hear the piercing scream of wood being impaled ten times at the same time by ice spikes. That sound would be followed by the gurgling of the first wave of victims and the wailing cries of the second as the dark consumed them. Other vessels would face such rough water that the ship would be turned sideways and pour the men and women into the frozen dark waters, only for untold horrors to be committed to them. The water would freeze and that was that. It’s rumored that if you go down to the Xainza coast and put your ear to the ground, you can hear the screams of those trapped under the ice who haven’t yet drowned.

Nobody knew how many waterbenders there were, and it was impossible to see them. The ships had put out their torches and the only form of light was the Moon. How do you release an arrow against something that, one  _ miao _ , isn’t there, and the next, just sliced you or your boat in half with an icy blade. Other times, a waterbender would come on-side of a ship and deploy eight tentacles, which would crawl out of the darkness only to pluck an unsuspecting, or sometimes, quite suspecting, tribal into the water. And these ships weren’t destroyed quickly. One may be sliced in two with waterbending, then nothing for a few  _ fen _ , then another would have it’s mast cut off before being brought under by the water. They’d go down and the darkness would take them.

Asalup’s ship had survived a waterbender’s assault. Some middle-aged man jumped on and had his back broken in two by one of Asalup’s hammermen. This waterbender was then set on fire and tossed overboard. They watched as water whips grabbed this...person...and cut the man,  _ their own man _ , into pieces. The darkness was relentless and merciless. Tentacles still came for his crew, dragging them into the darkness, never to be seen again. His mast was cut in two, his ship being emptied, and he could only just make out the nearest vessel, Asayun’s own ‘flagship’, a slightly larger than average longship. ‘In the name of my brothers and sisters’, he took a torch and set his own vessel aflame. 

This did exactly what he thought it would. Water whips descended on his ship, cutting it apart. He didn’t get some heroic last-moment rescue, nor was he like the Avatar and ‘always’ able to figure a way out of this. His ship was cut to pieces and he went into the frozen waters. Sotan, son of Chieftess Asayun, claims -through Kotyan- that thanks to Asalup’s sacrifice, the few surviving ships could retreat under the cover of darkness, for theGreen Spirits had fled back north and the Moon was shrouded in clouds. Some of the Tribals believe that the Spirits’ need for sacrifices was appeased, so they went home. Asalup nearly died from the frozen conditions and was considered missing and dead.

Instead, he washed ashore on an island in the North Sea. A small island, smaller than Kyoshi Island. Some huts and bone dressed souls. They were also ‘barbarians’, distant cousins of the Xainza. They wore the beaks of sea-birds on their heads and their clothes are entirely made of tiger-seal furs. There were only a hundred or so on the island and they were led by some...sage-man. He claimed to speak for The Great Fisher, someone who bears striking similarities in all but name and occupation to The Great Hunter. This priest offered Asalup a kayak, something something ‘outsider landing on our shores,’ something something blessing, and after Asalup spent one night in the sage’s mound of a house, he took the kayak and sailed southwards. This one night, being rescued ‘by the waves’, changed Asalup.

For his near-death experience at sea, Asalup was reborn as a ‘Horn’, a battle-shaman of The Great Hunter. It is why his hair is currently matted, waist-length and dyed crimson red from a pitcher of loon-grebe blood. It is why he wears the black-and-red dyed fur clothes and carries a dagger with a loon-grebe’s beat for it’s hilt. A Horn of The Great Hunter blesses others by taking his blade and slicing the palm of any who wish his blessing, or by anointing them with blood of birds. There’s a hierarchy of preferred birds with sea-ravens and loon-grebes being the best. This is followed by crow-ravens. Raven-eagles are allowed, but not preferred. Ground birds like ptarmigan-quails are forbidden. The hand and or the birds are something about shedding blood and its symbolism in the blood that The Great Hunter sheds. Those top three birds, sea-ravens, loon-grebes and crow-ravens, are used because they are common and considered the holy birds to sacrifice by generations of Horns.  _ Maybe the Horns just like cutting people’s hands? _

Some time later, reminder, all this expository backstory took less time than one may think, Chief Kotyan staked his claim that he would “Unite the Great Halls” and “bring the Sixty-One Halls together!” This came with news that the Gerse were preparing for yet another assault, courtesy one of the Zheng runners. This  _ also  _ came with the news that the Chatri and the Drongyen intended to join the Zheng in bringing together the Chiefs of the North under one...well not one banner but one... _ allegiance _ ?  _ Coalition _ ? Sort-of alliance that will probably fracture any moment now. 

The couple Chiefs who were present were given yet another grandiose feast, this time to prepare for the oncoming war that was  _ definitely  _ going to turn everything bloody. It was during this feast that I finally remembered that my cousin existed and asked “Where’s my cousin?” to which Chief Kotyan pointed at the doorway,  _ yes that’s very helpful _ , and directed me “Outside of here.” “Thank you for the specifics, Chief Kotyan.” 

I exited and found the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors, what else, training the women of the tribe in one of the intermediate katas of the Kyoshi Warriors.  _ Hey, I’m not a girl, but I know how to look in the window and watch the bunch of you spin around with kicks. No, Toph, that was not… forget it _ . The women of the Zheng, not being Kyoshi Islanders, found the idea of dinner more appetizing than standing in the middle of the dark and being  _ softly  _ tossed into the snow. Despite being the host of the feast, Kotyan possessed the kind of depth perception,  _ it’s depth perception _ , that many of us would kill for. He had something to do. I had just returned -with the Zheng women crowd- when he said “Chief Hayashi, we’re going outside”.  _ Of course. Can’t eat lunch, or dinner, or breakfast. Nope _ . I asked “Why?” and he walked up to me and whispered “We have to discuss why  _ we’re  _ here.” The way he said that, I got it.

He took me, or I took him, or one of us led the other one while the latter was technically the former’s superior, outside and over to the now empty village ground. Suki, being Suki, said ‘hello’ in Kyoshi Islander fashion, by sweeping my leg out from under me and catching me on the downfall before helping me up and addressing Kotyan in some kind of weird fashion. She said “Good evening, Chief.” He spoke of,  _ no ‘please’ because there is no ‘please’ _ , “try not to beat up all the village women” to which she shrugged and went “Once they improve enough, I won’t be beating them up anymore.” 

I looked around, hard to do with one eye but I could manage, and hoped that we would be alone enough to discuss top-secret information. I wondered if he was thinking of what I was thinking. I didn’t wait to ask if he was, instead I asked him “Kotyan, how exactly do you plan on making a Banner Army from this?” to which he smiled. “I’ll do what hasn’t been done for a hundred years.”  _ That’s vague _ . “What?” Suki asked. 

He grinned. “Become the Chief of Chiefs.”  _ That’s also vague.  _ “Can I get my fur blanket, too?” I countered asked.  _ I have to keep those priorities straight _ . “Sure, why not. You’ll get the blanket,  _ Her Imperial Majesty _ will get a blanket  _ and  _ the Banner Army.” and he patted me on the back.  _ Sounds good.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for the Xishan Tribes, part I:  
> -The title is ironic.  
> -The Zheng weren't forced to concede to Kotyan, but after his demonstration of the unknown art of metalbending, nobody was going to challenge him. Besides, the agreement drawn up was better than independence. It was being named a world power, a peer and rival of the NWT.  
> -Yes, the Zheng and the other Barbarians consider the Spirits to be their enemies.  
> -The Xishan runners are based on the Iroquois Confederacy's long-distance courier-runners. Supposedly, they had runners that could run across New York State (namely, a 300 mile or 480km distance) within a day.  
> \---------------------------  
> The Xishan Tribes, the NWT and the Empire bear many parallels to the Native peoples of the Lake Champlain Valley (namely the Iroquois Confederacy and Mohicans), the French and the British:  
> -Much of this was unintended and only resulted from the circumstance of geographic parallels and previously-decided alliances.  
> -The British/Empire are in the south (Albany, NY and south/Lan Shan and south) with a frontier fort (William Henry/Wei Hung).  
> -The French/NWT are in the north.  
> -The French/NWT have an alliance with the Huron/Gerse.  
> -The Iroquous and other native tribes/the Xishan Tribes are between the two, slowly being crammed in. Some groups want to stay isolated, some groups are compelled/given reasons to join one side or the other.  
> -Therefore, this whole arc is much like the Seven Year War's American parallel, the French and Indian War.  
> ...Except, the French can waterbend. (Note: Vive la France! Vive le roi Henri! Vive la France! Vive le roi Henri!)  
> ...And the English can earthbend.  
> \---------------------------  
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed. Note: Generally speaking, all of the same Tribe are of distant familial relation. Direct relations listed as relevant.  
> ++Zheng:++  
> -[Kopyak], former Chief of the Zheng, uncle to Kotyan, killed during Kotyan's rite of passage.  
> -[Ozlem], former Chieftess of the Zheng, lost at sea.  
> -[Kozel], former Chief of the Zheng, killed in a duel with his son Kotyan after the former tried to kill the latter for allying with the Emperor, the Empress and the Empire.  
> -Kotyan, current Chief of the Zheng  
> -Asalup, Kotyan's elder uncle. Had his ship destroyed by waterbenders, his crew slaughtered, presumed dead. Born again as Horn, the battle-priests of the Great Hunter.  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's younger uncle (a few years younger than Kotyan himself).  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother  
> ++Majia:++  
> -Aepak, an older man, Chief of the Majia  
> ++Pangou:++  
> -[Bonyak] 'the Blacktongue', former Chief of the Pangou. Wielded the twin hammers 'Cilen' and 'Cicek', named for his brutally killed sisters.  
> -Irge, middle-aged, Chieftess of the Pangou. Wields twin axes.  
> ++Si Gou:++  
> -[Koza] 'the Iron Legged', former Chief of the Si Gou. Lost his left leg in a battle against the Earth Kingdom. Presumed dead.  
> -[Yeldem], former Chieftess of the Si Gou, married to Koza. Killed by ice spear.  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, Chief of the Si Gou  
> ++Zhag'yab:++  
> -[Itlar] 'The Wanderer', former Chief of the Zhag'yab. Supposedly slept with a hundred female Royal Fire Army officers. Got a ceasefire with the Fire Nation by sleeping with the negotiator. Died peacefully in his sleep.  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, Chief of the Zhag’yab  
> ++Xainza:++  
> -[Asayun], former Chieftess of the Xainza. Died peacefully in her sleep.  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, son of Asayun, Chief of the Xainza  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains. 
> 
> -Otok and Aquijuq are two 'commanderies' (tribal land) far southeast of the NWT's capital, along the southern shore of the NWT.  
> -The Xishan found success because of the NWT's chauvinism.  
> -Atanniupaa is the same dynasty as Arnook. It's the successor dynasty to the Sikuks.  
> -Normally, the heroes all make honorable last stands, or they sacrifice to protect eachother. The Xishan aren't like that. The coalition failed, so they scattered.  
> -The Water Tribes at night are terrifying. They're meant to be terrifying. 'The darkness' is deliberate.  
> -The Northern Lights may or may not be bloodthirsty. Some might want blood.  
> -


	60. Into the Far North: That’s Just Our Culture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Xishan 'Coalition' heads east on campaign.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Six:

_ Ooo-aaah-ooo.  _ Somewhere off to the south, hidden behind a grove of young spruce, one of those loon-grebes was announcing the coming day. Or night? The slice of mountains that belonged to the Chatri Tribe weren’t going to budge and let us know which we were in and which we were going into. 

Maybe, somewhere beyond the ‘low’ Si Gou-Yancun ‘border’ ridgeline, the Sun would rise and bathe our fellow Kyoshi Warriors, Sentinels and Imperials settling the valley in forester’s cabins in its light. The two Door Lakes would sparkle like jewels. Even  _ further  _ south, General Tian of the famed House of Yuan would be leading the best-equipped farmers he could pick up and drag, and drag them and tens of thousands of others like them up to the Xiongnu Wall. Across the Empire, towns are alight with action. Daybreak is like a firebender lighting a candle. 

Lastly, to the south-east, Ba Sing Se wakes to a new day of administrative and commerce-based events. Drum and bell towers announce the time. Morning Court has just begun. Young nobles take tranquil walks in gardens. Middle and Lower Ringers open their shops. Lower Ringers rise, attend prayers, kowtow towards the Badgermole Throne, and set off for work in the Agrarian Zone or the Lower Ring. Soldiers get up to practice the bow, the blade, and bending. Others are finally going home after the late night shift. Somewhere in the Imperial Palace, someone important woke up, likely refused the chance to attend Morning Court, and instead is probably playing ‘catch the boulder’ with a giant badgermole and some short-stick drawing Imperial Guard. 

On a path that bears no name, we marched, not rode, towards a place that bears no name. We did not have ostrich horses, for there are no ostrich horses up here. Somewhere, out where the mountains come down towards the coast, the Gerse live. Somewhere in the shadow of the high cloud-covered Northern Air Temple, the Chief’s sole point of unity, us versus them, will make it’s stand against  _ whatever  _ lives in those dark dales and twilight-stricken hills. For the Gerse do not dwell in the sparsely forested coastal plain. They’re born, they hunt, they marry, they raise their children, and they die, all within sight of some of the Air Nomad’s holiest desolate peaks.

I never noticed, and yes, I lack an eye so I don’t notice  _ most  _ things, how small a few hundred men felt. Sure, sure, as a kid, fifty, sixty, seven, a hundred Warriors of Kyoshi is a smaller number of soldiers. But when your cousin, her younger sister, every single female in your life  _ and  _ the icons of our folktales were all fighters, that’s most of your existence. A hundred becomes everything. When one stands atop the imposing Inner Wall and looks down at the capital, that’s... _ millions _ . Hundreds of thousands of people just within eyeshot, millions more spread out across a city the size of the Northern Water Tribe’s entire continent. 

Marching off to battle, thousands upon thousands of  _ faces  _ looking up at the most inspiring speech a -not inebriated enough- Emperor or -moody because we haven't killed anyone yet- Empress could give, not to mention the many, many, more who look would look like dots to me and...nothing to the Empress, because  _ she’s blind you moron. Correction, silhouettes _ . Take the Sunan Riders. Thousands of men looked up to us and awaited orders. A couple hundred people? The Imperial Guard numbers in the low thousands and that’s just the Imperial Palace Grounds. It’s not counting the Walls, which they also guard, or the dozen Palaces - tossed about like an object that can be diced up and tossed out to the masses but the masses don’t get to touch it- across the countryside… no,  _ continent _ . The Imperial Guard is in the thousands, and it’s our most elite organization.  _ Imagine the rest...hundreds of thousands. Millions. _

We lacked ostrich horses or monorails or boats -for the boats, see, the last genius attempt to break the Northern Water Tribe- to move  _ quickly _ . But we weren’t dragged down by camp followers or  _ an entire army of ladies-in-waiting, handmaidens, attendants, couriers, courtiers that force themselves to accompany the Empress _ .. .and also me. And Suki, if she wanted it. We didn’t have any of that. The Xishan don’t have ladies-in-waiting. 

While we lacked what Southerners would call ‘cohesion’, the Chief and his men and women made up for by being outfitted with skis. You never say no to skis. Skis make crossing the flat land fast. Also, never try going ‘off’ the beaten path. Because nothing here is beaten. And Kubasar knows his hunting trail better than you do. So if he says something in a broken northern dialect, which Kotyan then translates into something comprehensible, and that something is ‘make a left at the tree’, you make a left  _ at the tree _ . Even if you don’t know which tree. Just do it. Make that left. Follow Kubasar and make that left. Because the right is a bog. 

After skiing onto a sheet of ice that cracked under the weight of one tall bamboo stick human encumbered with heavy furs, I got everything up to my elbows immersed in the wonderful smell of a  _ bog _ . And I know Toph’s a big supporter of, what was it,  _ smelling like spruce moss? _ , but I’m not  _ in  _ the Empire. She  _ loves  _ the scent of spruce moss, or whatever that is. Good for her. This was a black spruce bog. So I can curse vulgarities at, well, Agni, but he’s busy partying down in the south, so...myself. Because Her Imperial Majesty is a holy demi-goddess and also...it’s Toph. How would she be responsible for  _ me  _ being an idiot? Either the ethereal Avatar is at fault, or it’s my fault. And as I’m not the Avatar,  _ wait, would he blame himself for failures? He’s divine,  _ I  _ took  _ that responsibility and thanked Kubasar with a ‘thank you’. He didn’t understand what I said because the concept of ‘thanks’ doesn’t exist up here, so to him I was speaking gibberish. Only after learning or re-learning that the Tribes don’t understand gratitude did Suki pull me out. 

She skied behind me and thus when I went in, she realized to  _ not  _ make the right. I had the privilege, perhaps punishment, of waiting until we found running water that doubled as a spring to lose the heavy furs -oh, pulling them off was such a good feeling!- and  _ freeze  _ in the  _ brr _ -worthy  _ ice  _ water that was turning my hair into icicles. To which, as always, Suki laughed at the situation. But, because she’s Suki, and we love not much more,  _ don’t make me do the count-thing Suki _ , than freezing ourselves half-to-death while also washing the light dusting of spruce leaves, for her, or  _ entire bog of bog-liquid _ , for me, off, she rejoiced that ‘this is great.’  _ For her. _

That strange Weiyi man, Girgen? Baldy,  _ the cracked egg _ , looked at the two of us emerging, wearing clothes, funnily. I’d say he was confused but it was more of a curious squint. Since the Chief of the Zheng was never more than a few paces from us, except when showering of course, I galloped like a man who was freezing to death -except I wasn’t, ice-based habitation is second nature to all from Kyoshi Island- who emerged into the darkness, which was somehow colder than the kind-of-cave darkness, and up to him. 

“Why’s Girgen looking at us like that?” I asked him while the aforementioned shiny bald man looked at me from all the way over _there._ “The Mountain People only bathe in montane lakes. Otherwise, it’s the blood of their enemies.” _I’m very sorry, Chief. What?_ I gave the Zheng Chief a good long look, as if to say ‘What cactus juice are you on?’. Then I rolled it off outside my head. “They… bathe… in the blood of their enemies?” The Chief gave a convincing nod before watching my good eye widen in _slight_ worry that _maybe_ I’d be next, then he snickered like a madman. “I’m joking. Though, if you’d _like_ , my uncle can anoint you since we’re going to fight...any day now.” _Shhh. Don’t do the ‘speak of the Avatar and the Avatar arrives’ thing. A battle will break out if you talk like that._ Suki, opting to dry herself off with furs, joined me later on dressed to impress. I say impress, her favorite Southerner, _actual Southerner, not us_ , was...not here. Can’t fault her. If you’re going to make yourself pretty, do your hair, and so on, might as well do it _before_ the battle and _in the middle of an encampment._

“You should really dry off,” Suki said, interrupting my inner monologue of concern.  _ Why am I even concerned? I don’t know.  _ Then she tossed a fur pelt at me.  _ Ah yes, let me just take off this makeshift towel in the middle of this kind of encampment _ . Back to washing oneself, Kotyan tapped the ground and pulled a earth wall out of it to give me  _ some  _ privacy to put on my pants,  _ thank you for chucking them at me like I’m some kind of Imperial Guard in a game of ‘catch the boulder’ or Imperial Firebender in a game of ‘catch the bomb’,  _ and it was during this ascension of the pants,  _ sounds like a dynasty rising _ , that I inquired “so the Weiyi bathe in mountain springs, what about the rest?” The Chief, I guess he accompanied this with pointing,  _ reminder, wall _ , explained as such. “The rest of us aren’t as...peculiar. We use water, just like you use water.”  _ What a shocking piece of information.  _ Suki, being Suki, remembered instances I would never have forgotten, proving that she too never forgot them. “Do you  _ also  _ have strange attendants hiding in shadowy corners watching you take showers?” “No, but our men and women take showers, or...immerse ourselves in the springs, together.”  _ Together? Right. So, my kind of a hunch about them being like Kyoshi Island might be proven now _ . 

“Where were there strange attendants watching you two?” and  _ that  _ question made the two of us blurt out two different statements. “Caldera!” from her and “Ba Sing Se!” from me. I don’t know if I deserved that metaphorical glare, I  _ heard  _ her attempt to glare but instead glared into a wall, so I justified it with “Hey, the Dai Li are strange. And they are attendants. And they  _ watch me sleep! _ ”. Even though it was known that I was a Chief, it wasn’t  _ known  _ that I was the Emperor. Most of the Zheng that were present during the impromptu torture session learned, courtesy the new Chief, that you don’t question the Chief. So I’m just a Chief, not the Emperor. It helped that most of those soldiers didn’t understand what Kozel was espouting at me, as they didn’t understand the dialect, instead they followed his primal actions of being angry.

Pants? On. Robe? On. Fur clothes that were brought along as part of this expeditionary campaign? On. Scabbard? On. Sanity? Location: Wherever the Sun is, or, for definitive proof, far to the south hiding in some hovel probably. I left my earth wall privacy chamber place and took to joining the Chief while he had dinner in a large earth tent. An earth pavilion. Once there, Suki and I were treated as guests. Not honored ones, just...guests. Anyone could sit with the Chief if they wanted to. I pointed this out when, upon entering, I spotted four men from his hunting party. 

“Isn’t this the Chief’s tent? Why are the regular soldiers here?” Kotyan put down the bowl of berries he was nourishing himself with and ordered his men to leave. The men passed us and the two of us were ‘granted an audience’ as it were, sitting on the ground near the Chief. Once we sat, he resumed eating and his Ty Lee-ish sister brought us some smoked meats. “I may be new here” I, new here, remarked, “but traditionally- '' I glanced to confirm that our dining station was vacated, it was, “-the Imperial Guard don’t dine with their monarch.” Suki, after chomping a piece of meat into two pieces of meat, retaliated with “‘ell, back on Kyoshi Island, ‘he Girls and I would eat dinner together.” After swallowing her food, she smugly smiled. Now, I might not remember  _ some  _ things but it’s hard to forget that she said something wrong. “You didn’t ‘ _ eat dinner’  _ with them, you ate dinner with Oyaji, Sai and I. You just used that as an excuse to go have sleepovers at Aoma’s house.” For my honest word, I took a piece of jerky to the face. It was tossed at me like a throwing dagger. I grabbed the end of it and fake-yelled “Oh no, I’m in such pain!” and I ‘stabbed’ myself with the jerky. Suki snickered at seeing her throw land well. 

Kotyan, deliberately ignorant of our teenage escapades, said “We’re not in the Empire. Our bodyguards aren’t treated as nameless like  _ some  _ monarchs treated us. Past monarchs” I could sense the anguish he had for  _ some  _ monarchs. The tone sounded like bottled-up resentment. “I try to remember that my men have names,” I stupidly blundered out of my mouth. “Turns out, that’s why there’s much more loyalty for you two than for the previous dynasty.” Then he grabbed a handful of berries and sucked them up. 

Suki took another piece of meat and tossed it at me. While I pretended to get stabbed in the chest by a piece of smoked moose-lion, Suki was all craftily satisfied, citing “As we’re not in the Empire, I don’t have to address you properly. And crimes can be punished…  _ correctly _ ” and she tossed a berry at me. I ducked and it struck the fur used as a mock doorway behind us. Not one to be outdone, I chipped in with “As we’re  _ on  _ the Empire’s mainland, I should have you...executed by sibling-based wrestle match.” I shouldn’t have stated that, because the oncoming  _ tackle  _ which sent me buckling over myself and going face-first into a bowl of red berries should’ve been,  _ ha _ , fore _ see _ n. Kotyan rubbed the skin underneath his eyes. “We’re acting like children, aren’t we?” I asked my cousin while the two of us, in sync, looked at the man casually chewing on some jerky and rubbing his eyelids at the same time. “ _ You are _ . I’m dispensing  _ justice _ ” and she shoved me backwards.  _ Right, right, of course you are.  _

“About justice in Xishan…” the Chief started with the voice of some old man who  _ might’ve  _ seen a battle or two,  _ so, nobody from the Court _ , and the two teenagers broke off their sibling scuffle, sat back on their knees, and awaited his lecture. “There is no… ‘justice’ up here. In all technicalities, there’s nothing stopping  _ her  _ from stabbing  _ you _ .”  _ Oh no. You’ve opened up that part of Suki that we’re not supposed to open up.  _ Too late for us all. Suki drew her jerky and made a  _ swish  _ noise with her mouth before trying to and repeatedly poking me in my fur-lined robe with it. While the mature one acted like an egg, the immature one tried to sound smart. “So what stops me from killing you, Chief?”  _ in reflection, not the best way to put it _ . Thankfully for us, this man doesn’t take everything that literally. 

“Nothing. Nothing at all. I’m Chief because enough people respected me to support me being Chief. And most people…” but he trailed off, chuckling. “Most people?” I asked, citing his words. Then I cited experienced. “Where’s your Mandate-system? You know, the Mandate of the Spirits, Agni’s Chosen, that kind of divine-bordering declaration?” He continued chuckling before realizing that I was serious. “Do you see any Earth Empire flags? We’re not  _ in  _ the Empire. There’s no official ‘Mandate’. The closest to it was me being coronated Chief of the Zheng, but nothing stops a challenger to the throne. The three of us agree  _ who  _ that Mandate belongs to, but up here? I’m the Chief because enough people respect me.” and Suki and I actually ceased our nonsense to sit back and listen.

“See, the climate weans out the weak. You can have someone holding the Mandate and sit on a golden cushion all day while the lands burn. You can have someone claiming to represent Agni while he’s sleeping with his sister. If a Chief makes a promise, he keeps that promise.” I was curious. Such informality would lead to anarchy. “What stops chaos? If there’s no system for choosing a ruler, wouldn’t every death become a succession crisis?” He gestured to the loud conversation happening somewhere near us, one or two tents over, possibly. “Nothing. We’re unshackled from fifty different bureaucratic measures. I talk to my soldiers and the only difference is, if they want to, they can call me ‘Chief’. It makes most problems much easier to resolve. Should someone have an argument? They don’t need to bop the ground nine times before bringing it up.”  _ Huh. That’s true. Many issues are caught up on all the formalities _ . 

I tried to defend my,  _ our _ , Empire, good and bad. “Continent-sized domains need tiered offices. A peasant from Yangwa might face a band of  _ daofei _ , but we’re too big to concern ourselves with that man and his five  _ daofei  _ assailants.” Suki gave me this  _ ‘are you sober’  _ look, as if I was saying something incorrect.  _ I mean, I was. Sure, that man from Yangwa...blah blah blah, but you all know it’s the truth _ . “Sure. And up here, if someone’s causing trouble, I’m a few tents over. Their problems are mine and mine are theirs.” and he made his voice slightly,  _ slightly  _ accusatory. “And what you just pointed out, we come upon a problem that has plagued the Kingdom for hundreds of years. Who does the Imperial Court represent? The continent? I  _ see  _ people from all across the land but I don’t  _ see  _ anything that benefits the land. The Capital? Where’s the Agrarian Zone or the Lower Ring’s representatives? The Middle Ring? I didn’t see any businessmen front-and-center, and you’d think they’d know the large-scale operations that need to be done that benefit their Lower Ring workforce. The Court generally represents the Upper Ring and  _ only  _ the Upper Ring.” “Not all the Ministers are like that, though. And the Imperial Court  _ does  _ do its job. The Empire hasn’t collapsed, it’s just burdened under the weight of corruption.” “Can we agree that the Imperial Court does it’s job, sure, but it does it poorly, and that in general, the Ministers care about their own ambitions only?”  _ Yes.  _ “Yes, yes we can.”  _ I wholeheartedly agree.  _ He put his hands on the fur rug he was sitting on. “So, then, who represents the rest?” he asked.

Suki stopped eating to say “the Dai Li do, Chief. They exist to give the Lower Ring a voice.” Kotyan looked at me, then at her, then back at me. “The Dai Li seem to represent whatever the best interests of the Badgermole Throne are. With some tweaking for whatever the Grand Secretariat thinks is fair. I miss Long Feng.” As much as his point could be argued,  _ the Dai Li seem to have the Lower Ring’s best interests in mind, even with all the secret police business.  _

I had to counter, for argumentative sake. “And how does  _ this _ ” and I gestured to the walls, implying the people that were dining around us, “make a system? There’s nothing stopping, let’s call him Lee, from plotting his way up and killing you.” “Have you  _ seen  _ any plotting up here?” he asked me with all seriousness, blasting my comment out of the sky.  _ I tend to miss some things _ . My one word answer, “No.” He took a handful of berries, “There’s no time for plotting. Summer’s shorter than it feels, winter lasts longer than it should.”  _ What’s that platitude supposed to mean? Summer’s short, winter’s long, so there’s no time? _ “And you can’t possibly plot to kill someone while also fetching a fish?” Suki, being Suki, offered a literal and metaphorical jab to my chest. “You remember how back home, it was us against the winter? Did anyone have  _ time  _ to think about much else?” and judging by her strained declaration, I’d say she was expecting some kind of dramatic revelation. I yawned. “Yes. We had  _ more  _ than enough time for you to have sleepovers with your classmates where you’d sit around and talk about-”  _ ow. Ow. I didn’t deserve that hair pull. You’re not Toph.  _ She tugged on my long hair and made me fall over. “You know what I’m talking about” she said in that interrogative tone, before interrogatively putting her hand on my chest. “Yes...I do.” She then gestured towards me with both her hands. “That’s the point. There’s no time to plot when survival’s at stake.” Kotyan nodded. 

I was still curious about the whole ‘dining with your men’ aspect. Not that I was against it. “So...it’s normal for your men to share your tent? Don’t they have barracks?” The Chief grabbed the hardened leather sheath of a bone dagger to his side. “Take this dagger,-”  _ oh no, an analogy _ , “-it’s  _ my  _ dagger. And not because I am Chief but because I made it with my own hands. Long ago, yes, but I made it with  _ my own  _ hands. Just as we don’t have the same kind of blacksmithing up here, there’s no such thing as a ‘barracks’ up here.” He put the dagger scabbard down. “So if there’s no barracks, how is there unity of any kind? Wouldn’t this become an army-” I paused to reconsider my wording, “-a  _ mob  _ of individuals?” He nodded. “You notice that everyone’s got their own clothes? Nothing uniform about our weapons?”  _ Now that you mention it…  _ I thought about what I’d seen. Everyone wore furs, and they carried bows and spears, but they weren’t wearing Imperial Army Uniforms. Nothing distinguished the benders from nonbenders. This is the kind of quality we’d see in a militia,  _ maybe _ . Even militias have some aspiring standard. Usually it’s the green robes. These dull browns, sometimes dyed red and grey, aren’t that. “Yes, nothing’s uniform.” 

Suki drew her own conclusions in a commendable use of wordplay, “So the army isn’t five hundred strong, it’s five hundred individuals who banded together.” He smiled. Before poetry night could go on, I was reminded of all the reading I did in the Imperial Archives. “So it’s utter chaos wrapped inside the tendrils of a strongmen-run chiefdom.” “Strongmen and strongwomen” Suki  _ had _ to get that in. “Yes. That’s why we spend more time fighting one another than we do fighting invaders. Our greatest weakness is us.” That last line could probably be used to describe anyone save the Fire Nation. The Earth Kingdom survived because of the persistence of it’s peasants, but it’s been thrown into more chaos by it’s own peasants than anyone else. The Water Tribes are already barely unified. The Air Nomads, it only took a single Guru Shoken to drive, if one immortal assassin is to be believed, a large minority of the Nation into ‘heretical’ views. The Fire Nation’s greatest weakness, in the meanwhile, is the daimyo system. Not the peasants, even though the Fire Nation’s peasants are the most technologically advanced and best educated. Clan leaders and their domains holding too much power, then trying for a power grab on the throne, has brought the Fire Nation into warring time and time again, and it was only the centralization of Sozin’s ancestors that that came to an end.

I went backwards,  _ a smart idea for any ruler of anything remotely related to ‘earth’, backwards is forwards, forwards is chaos,  _ “So you’ve got an army of individuals or...a bunch of individuals formed into an army-” Kotyan was giving me this ‘yeah? And?’ look, “-and, so, what’s stopping everyone from going off to stake their own claim? You know, a tree for me, some grass and a monorail junction for you, a statue of Prince Sokka for my cousin-”  _ now here’s a first for this season, Suki scowling while hiding a blush of embarrassment, _ “-and so on until everyone’s got a piece of land to themselves? Isn’t that what this decentralization is logically leading to?” He raised his finger, as if my suggestion was just  _ too  _ ridiculous for his sensibilities, and maybe it was, and voiced his counter, “We have a folktale like that.” and he deepened his already deep voice to sound more like someone about to recite a story,  _ I wonder why _ . 

“Long ago, they say our tribes started with one woman named Gundes. Gundes was born into a people who were hunted like game by the waterbenders. One day, they came for her village and she, having never left that village, unleashed a great feat of waterbending that pushed them back to the North Pole. When a Fire Warlord came from the south, she raised the mountains to shield us. When he came again in the summer, she impaled his dragon, whose shadow was as wide as a commandery, on the highest of the Sky Peaks-” I thought he paused, so I interjected,  _ I mean interrupted _ . “Right, right, I get it. Folktales and stuff. How and when does this relate to Gundes being the founder of the Tribes?” Suki was...upset, to say the least. “No! Continue! I love folktales!”  _ If we sit here listening to folktales we won’t have time for all the head-cracking.  _ The Chief did not concede to the applauding Kyoshi Warrior and instead jumped ‘right’ to the conclusion. “So this Gundes woman had a hundred children-”  _ nope, I’m going to stop you right there.  _ “A hundred sons?” I turned to Suki, my expert on all things women, “Is that even possible?”, I asked, and she maintained  _ neutrality _ . “ _ Probably _ ? If she had twenty five sets of four.”  _ What is this, a physical training regimen? The voice of Toph comes to mind. ‘And now, you’re going to do twenty five sets of four push-ups! You do not need to breathe, Kyoshi!’  _ I probably shouldn’t try and figure out the logistics of having a hundred children. It’s a folk tale. 

“The children each went off on their own, but-” he paused, as if to let me try and figure out some ancient folktale’s morals  _ for  _ him.  _ Well he already knows it so maybe it’s a test?  _ “Let me guess, they learned that staying in tribes is better because winter is  _ cold  _ and everything dies?” He chuckled. “That’s not what I expected. No, no, the moral was that a person only gets what he can hunt, fish and trap for himself.”  _ That...what does that have to do with a hundred children? Maybe I shouldn’t have cut him off _ . Suki raised her hand like this  _ was  _ a test, and was picked on by the Chief. “So that’s why you sleep as family units in the Great Hall. Because individuals are individuals and a family stays together to lighten some of the load.” He nodded and added “The blood of Gundes runs through all our veins. If this was in the south, we’d all be claimants to some golden chair. But here, the blood doesn’t matter. Each of us has our possessions, if we band together, it’s not because we were forced to, it’s because we chose to.”  _ Good for you, Sukes, you got a question on this made up test correct. Here’s a piece of made up cake.  _ The two of them mentioned families, which made me think of, get this, families.

“How does marriage work?” Don’t ask why I was curious, I just was. Suki darted her eyes from my good one to my eyepatch then across the space between myself and the Chief to the Chief, then back to my good eye, and she snickered. “Why are you laughing?” I asked the person who was refraining from laughing and failing. “Oh, nothing. I just  _ really  _ want to know where  _ this  _ is going.” and she slid herself backwards to watch...nothing. Because nothing was happening. While she giggled, Kotyan pulled on his beard. He waited, like a teacher, until she was done finding humor from something I did  _ not  _ understand.  _ Why is this so funny? Me asking about marriage in a culture I’m unfamiliar with is funny?  _ Then, like a teacher, he brought his hands together and did that ‘teacher’ gesture where his fingers, now together like in a prayer posture, turn towards -and point at- the student. 

“We do not have...the same roles that the Southerners have. Men and women go off to war. If some Southerner woman came up here, she wouldn’t last. Either you hunt and bring home food, or fish, or forage, or help making clothes, or gather firewood, or the winter kills you. Winter doesn’t care about whether you’re a man or a woman. Either you train to fight or the Gerse or the Ansai or the Yancun or the waterbenders kill you.” I wish I could paint a portrait of Suki’s jaw dropping. It would’ve been  _ lovely  _ to maintain. But Kotyan wasn’t done. “Up here, there’s no betrothals. If a woman is strong enough to survive twenty winters, then she’s ready to go out and choose whoever she wishes. I hope my sisters aren’t-” but he was cut off, not by me, but by my cousin. Namely, her laughter. “What  _ are  _ you laughing at?” I tried to speak up over her making the cold damp atmosphere joyous.  _ Okay maybe the damp-ness is a result of me falling into a bog and almost drowning myself in ice water. _ “So...so...women go out and choose their…” but she couldn’t keep her nonexistent composure together.  _ I really don’t understand what’s so funny.  _ “Next thing, you’ll tell me they sleep with one another out in the open as well!” she jested.  _ Oh. Oh. Now I get it.  _ “So you’re talking about that weird free love stuff the Nomads were into?” I asked. For a moment, her face cringed. Then she smacked me with a piece of jerky. “ _ No.  _ Not that!”  _ Is this what more than ten years of fan training gets you? Precise jerky strikes? _

Kotyan, being not as thick as me, nodded. “No, we aren’t strange cactus juice intaking Nomads. The outside’s cold in winter. But there’s no...restrictions...on anything. Just expect lots of people to not stop making jokes.” “What you’re trying to say is this place is perfect for Ty Lee.”  _ Ow. Did I deserve that shoulder shove into earth wall?  _ “No insulting a sister!” I heard while my head was pressed against the ground.  _ I...Sukes have you lost your head? Wait, no, you’re right. No insulting a...but it wasn’t an insult, it was a joke _ .  __ “What you did, defeating fifteen men in one on fifteen combat, that got you lots of respect.” Kotyan explained to...Suki.  _ Hey. I’m over here too.  _ His compliment might’ve been designed to calm her heated temper,  _ it’s not heated Chief, she’s just Suki and if you say anything about her adopted sisters, she’ll do things with your head and a wall,  _ and it worked. She let go of me. I got up, made sure I was still alive with a good head-shake, and squinted at her. I didn’t need to ask anything, and I wasn’t going to ask  _ why  _ she suddenly defended Ty Lee - _ I don’t think she did, she was just looking for an excuse to wrestle me into the sweet, sweet, earth _ \- but she took my squint as some form of offensive maneuver. And she counterstruck. With  _ words _ . “You can’t make fun of it, the Empire’s backwards.” 

Right, right, of course. She’s right about that. The Empress isn’t  _ supposed  _ to use her Consort as a pillow every night. In fact, if I was going by ‘tradition’, I’d only be permitted to even  _ be  _ in her bedroom once every five days, at maximum.  _ I don’t know why I know this so precisely, but I do _ . And such occupancy in a bedroom is normally  _ not  _ for the purposes of just being a pillow. No, such statements of vacancy, or lack thereof, are for a completely different purpose.  _ Technically the whole ‘point’ of my title, no not the Emperor one, no, not the One-Eyed Badgermole one, is for such a purpose.  _ The purpose of  _ heirmaking _ . 

I assume the creators of these rules presumed that every single person who’d occupy the Badgermole Throne would be as carnal as they are rich. To that, may I introduce me, tree-man and my upjumped peasant self, and the Empress, a person who labels all things as oogies while also watching,  _ that’s not the right word _ , err, listening, to plays featuring nothing but oogies. I also assume the creators of these rules believed in, for one thing, the ruler being a  _ male _ . Namely because the whole concept of Consorts implies one man and many women. Because...pregnancy. To best ensure a child that survives to adulthood, might as well have many children. Of course, women can inherit the Throne, and they can also possess Consorts, but it’s singular. The inherited blood passes through the monarch, not through his -or her- companion of choice.

Before I get into the logistics of how something that could  _ only  _ come from the mind of Pu-On Tim, or that one playwright -playwright is a polite way to put it- from a few hundred years ago, contemporary of Chong, who Ming is an avid reader of,  _ note, Ming, lay off that writing it’s too bizarre for us sane people _ ,  _ double note, I’m sane? _ , I’ll preface and postface with ‘it’s lots of oogies’. 

Up here, both in elevation and location, “We don’t have the Southerners and their hundreds of rules on how to properly put a blanket on a mattress.”  _ What does a blanket and a mattress have to do with anything? Or is this something that Toph would find funny? And if so, how?  _ “Chief, have you been watching one too many Pu-On Tim plays?” Suki’s strange look aside, Kotyan was dismissively confused. “Chief, we’re in the far end of the continent. When in the past month have I had the  _ time  _ let alone been in the right  _ place  _ to watch such a play?”  _ Hey, I tried.  _ Back to the absolutely fascinating marriage laws, or...law laws, or ‘which bed do you belong in? Guess wrong and die!’ laws. Something something Consort, something something Consort’s Bedroom, something something ‘that’s illegal’, something something ‘I’m the Empress and my word is Imperial Law!’ followed by some ‘muahahaha’s and the man who asked such a creepily personal question getting his creepily personal person tossed into the next commandery,  _ er,  _ Ring, over. With an earth pillar. Suki and Kotyan were either having a quiet conversation or I was wrapped up in mental monologues about Consort’s ‘Laws’. Emphasis on the lack of emphasis. Because the Earth Monarch is akin to a god and their word is law and according to every whiskey-fuelled folktale I’ve heard, or made up, divine beings tend to have Pu-On Tim, or maybe Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool levels of...oogies. Let’s go with oogies. 

As much as I  _ love  _ hearing about beds and how to properly use them -  _ note, it’s called sleeping, and it’s part of why Toph loves grass, wait, was that a character personality trait discovery moment? No? Sleeping on someone’s chest because the blanket is too soft and the ground isn’t proper earth? Also because I smell like spruce moss? No, no, Pu-On Tim’s busy drinking cactus juice and jumping to conclusions about how this proves a character trait  _ \- I wanted to also  _ stop  _ talking about beds and go back to talking about the organized chaos that is this culture. I don’t know what the two were discussing and I didn’t care that much, so I interrupted what could’ve been talking, or a pause, or maybe they weren’t talking and just looking with intent at one another. 

“If the Chiefs are only powerful because  _ they  _ are powerful, then what happens when they grow old? Why are the Shamanesses still alive?” I was right,  _ there were lots of possibilities for ‘being right’, maybe be more specific? _ , the two  _ were  _ talking. But Kotyan stopped talking to turn and address me with his face. “The Shamanesses are wise beyond their years. They form our backbone, they advise us on spiritual matters. They tell us when The Great Hunter supports us.”  _ So...a priesthood. They’re priests.  _ “And I take it that they’re the wives of former Chiefs? Powerful warriors?” “No.”  _ No?  _ “Then what are they?” “The Chieftesses normally meet glorious ends on the battlefield. Some die in their sleep. These are the women picked by the Shamanesses before them, who were picked by the ones before them, backwards in time all the way back to Gundes herself who trained four of her many daughters in the ways of communing with the minor Spirits and learning their ways.” Before Suki could jump in all elated, ‘that’s just like Kyoshi Island,’ one, it’s not, we didn’t have Shamanesses picking young girls to become Shamanesses, and two, what I said just before, but again, because repetition correlates with intelligence. 

“I take it these women were great fighters?” my intelligent self intelligently asked. And I earned an intelligent non-verbal reply of one sigh. Realizing I’m not Toph,  _ only halfway there,  _ Kotyan explained in his lecturing teacher tone. “They were, and still are. But they are immune from all Tribal infighting because they can commune with The Great Hunter.”  _ So you do have rules. They’re just strange.  _ I exploited this cultural loophole, “So you  _ do  _ have rules!” The following sigh was a strong counter. I closed my mouth before Suki could grab my chin and slam it shut. 

The two of us agreed that sleep was a good idea. As neither of us can earthbend, Kotyan invited us to stay in his large pavilion-sized tent. So we did. The Chief sleeps with no bodyguards, he knows why I find that odd even if I don’t say it. While we  _ tried  _ to sleep, someone out there was ululating quite intensely while other people chanted about being anointed. I chalked it up, with a finger, to a bunch of crazy lunatics probably doing crazy spiritual things. Not my problem. What my problem  _ was  _ with all of this was... _ Could you all please stop making noises with your mouths?  _ At some point, someone screamed and something loud went  _ smash  _ and I think they all went to sleep. Or died. 

Suki quietly got under the same furs as I and moved a pace closer to me  _ Ow, why are you poking me with the hilt of your dagger. Wait. Wait. Oh. You want me to grab it. Which dagger is this? Is this your secret dagger that nobody knows exists?  _ “Suki, which dagger is this?” I murmured. “Not mine,” she mumbled, “I liberated it from someone else.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “It’s not the dagger from Operation Secret Sarashi Slice?” I whispered, because if it was, then that’s like taking her fans. It’s a part of her and it’s not right to steal a Kyoshi Warrior’s secret sarashi knife. “No.”  _ Oh, good. That’s a relief _ .  _ I wouldn’t want to deprive her of her blade. _

“Why are you giving it to me?” I asked the darkness while she pressed herself closer,  _ probably to share heat, since it’s cold out, right, right.  _ “You never know when you need a small object that can gouge out someone’s eyes.” she mused.  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Why...why are we specifying eye gouging?” “Oh...no reason!” she chirped, gleeful. “Good night,  _ Hayashi _ . Make sure to sleep with one eye open!” Then she gave my hair a good ruffling and fell against the roll of furs to my side. Somewhere out there, a man was shouting “I’m blind!” Then he stopped shouting because someone did something that made a large  _ bonk  _ sound, followed by the sound of someone impacting the ground with their… I’m going with their skull.  _ Ri-i-i-i-i-i-ight _ . “Good night, Sukes.” 

Sometime in the next ‘day’, no, I’m not being as indecisive as an airbender, I didn’t know if it was dawn or dusk or the five  _ fen  _ in between, we departed on skis for the Gerse lands. While leaving our small, small is a relative term that refers to a number below ‘large’ and above ‘tiny’,  _ small for me and large for them, no Toph that’s not a euphemism about our foot sizes though the joke would also work _ , encampment behind, Kotyan skied up to the two of us and inquired as to  _ why  _ one of his ally’s warband men was missing his eyes. 

I looked at Suki, asked “you got any part in this?” and she shrugged. “Not me.” she said with that persuasively embarrassed voice. I swapped directions, looking at the moose-lion head-wearing Chief who was nearly eye-to-one-eye with me and asked him “Why are you asking us?” He coughed. “Everyone else was too busy...ahem, doing loving things, last night to do this.” and he waved his finger like a knife, before stabbing the air with his finger.  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “What kind of loving things?” I raised my good eyebrow.  _ I should really stop using my mouth and start using my mind.  _ “You know, the loving things that people do the night before a climactic battle.”  _ What climatic battle? We’re marching, or rather skiing, over to go beat up a couple hundred men while looking for… someone or someone else. Some mercenary leader. Or something like that _ . One of my pesky thoughts escaped my head, “Can I have specifics?” and Suki raised her ski pole and bopped me in the chin by accident. “Yes?” I used my finger to point at her. 

“A few of those men were doing things that  _ probably  _ broke Kyoshi’s Ethics.”  _ I...why do you know this?  _ “Are you the Minister of Relations? How do you know this?” “No… I was… out scouting last night.” Before she could continue down a tangent of stupidity that only the male line of Kyoshi is allowed to pursue, I cut her off and directed the conversation back to Kotyan. “Why did you ask us? We were too busy sleeping together to-”  _ Okay genius. Words. Context.  _ “-to be busy randomly gouging out people’s eyes.” Suki crossed her arms and in doing so upside smacked my torso with the pointy end of the ski pole. “I don’t know what happened but I hope whoever  _ did  _ gouge out that man’s eyes did it for the sake of Kyoshi’s Ethics.” I leaned into Suki’s ear as best as I could without falling into the snow. “There’s only two Kyoshi Islanders up here.” and in a turn of wits and tree-man intelligence,  _ they say I’m as smart as a plank of wood _ , Suki was the one who blurted out “Maybe there are some Earth Islanders running about? They also follow Kyoshi’s Ethics. All I know is I didn’t do it.” and she raised her hands defensively.  _ I...sure why not _ . I leaned over to whisper to Kotyan. “Was this man...important?” He shook his head. 

“Just some man. Not my man. Not my problem.”  _ That’s the Imperial Spirit! _ “So how do you know it was him?” He tried to sound serious and reasonable and professional. “ _ How many people run around an encampment screaming about going blind before stumbling face-first into a chair and splitting their skull in two against a rock? _ ” “Wait wait, he died?” and Suki jumped out of her skis and yelled “Thank Kyoshi! Woohoo!” before realizing that the cawing sea-ravens and single wailing loon-grebe, alongside, you know, the entire army that we were travelling with, was watching her do this. The other Tribesmen and Tribeswomen following us didn’t seem to mind that much. A few mumbles and grunts. Oh, and Girgen was giving us this creepy grin. “What’s with him?” “Whenever he hears of someone killing someone, he smiles.”  _ Oh I see. I see. He’s a Dai Li agent without all the pomp _ .  _ Or the girly braid. Wait, you’re one to talk, self. You’ve got the manliest manly manly long hair, ever.  _

Suki collected herself as best as she could, nothing gets her blood pumping like, one, following the will of Kyoshi, two, executing people as related to Kyoshi’s directives, three, Sokka and anytime he appears in the same room as her, and four, good whiskey. Oh and five, having sleepovers or in general hanging out with the other Warriors. We took to using the short amount of daylight,  _ ha, ‘day’ _ , for movement purposes. Sure, we could just sit on some rocks and talk, but we  _ want  _ to get somewhere and kill  _ something  _ sometime soon-or-a-later, right? With that in mind, we resumed skiing. Suki was beaming with happiness.  _ You crazy follower of Kyoshi _ .

As with before, I followed the man skiing in front of me. This time, that man was Kotyan. Not because I  _ needed  _ the guidance, but he knew as well as I that I’m a bit  _ too  _ Imperial and thus need ‘tutoring’ in the right direction. Also, I don’t know these hunting trails or paths and people are going at a pace faster than walking. When we’re on flat land, it’s lots of pole, ski along, pole, ski along, pole, ski along, pole. When we’re climbing up a hill, which we never do because there’s almost always a way around, we’d fight an uphill battle against a hill to climb up it. Skis are much preferred to trying to trudge through this many feet deep snow. And skiers in front of us carve paths for us to travel in. Since Kotyan isn’t at the front of this contingent of skiers. His younger uncle Uzluk is. 

And unlike in the South where we march in a thin column that stretches across a commandery, the soldiers, I don’t think ‘soldiers’ is the right term, the warband here travels wide. We came upon a frozen pond on more than one occasion. In the South, we’d take the same crossing. Here, many of those who went with us skied around the pond or ignored it’s existence altogether, for they were far to the left or the right of us. There were no horns to sound maneuvers or changes in formation and it was impossible to figure out where this disorganized mob began or ended. “They’re disorganized” I remarked to Kotyan. “No, the ones that know this land know there’s more than one way to cross it. And the ones that don’t follow the ones that do.” In the South, as was evident on our march north to Fort Wei-Hung, our forces need main roads or paths to tread upon. That’s just part of having a large army. “There’s so few of you-” I paused to get around a tree, “-and everyone’s on skis, no wonder you cross this land quickly.” “And we’re not held up. We aren’t carrying much.” 

His comment made me take another look, when I wasn’t trying to follow him, at those to my left and right. Warriors would be carrying a bow and roughshod quiver, some had more arrows than others. They’d be carrying spears of differing lengths. Occasionally short scabbards tucked into the waists of their heavy fur clothing. Though some of that clothing is, in the case of the Xainza...more seashell than fur. In case things weren’t confusing enough, there’s nothing that distinguishes one hunting band from another. There’s no flags and, sure, the Empire has the oh-so diverse range of green, slightly yellowish green, brown, and more green, but compared to reddish brown and brown, it’s  _ something _ . And we have no idea who is or isn’t a bender. It’s not like they get special hats, or boots. This  _ might  _ have a strategic purpose. I asked Kotyan why, and he stated that “it’s not like we have any master earthbenders who can train us.” This somewhat evasive question sparked my inquisitorial one of “How many benders  _ do  _ you have?” “I’d guess fifteen, total, in the tribe. There could be others who don’t know they’re benders, though.”  _ Fifteen? That’s...tiny.  _ Since I didn’t know, and I needed scale for dramatic  _ and practical  _ reasons, I asked “And how large is your tribe?” After we swerved around some snow-capped trees and into a meadow, “Maybe...ten thousand people. You won’t see them all, they’re tucked away in ten villages.”  _ Of course they’re hiding in villages _ . “Then why did you take only...I don’t know, a hundred people?” and I looked around at the few other silhouettes, just a small piece of a small army. 

“Did you forget to count while that strange twenty year old woman was attending to you?”  _ Suki, why, why in the name of me do you have to phrase it like that?  _ “Why...why phrase it like that? Also-” one slumped ski-pole stab into the ground later, “Let’s go with yes. I forgot to count. Why? It’s relevant to a shortcoming of mine as a person. Because if I lacked such a flaw, I’d be  _ perfect _ .” Suki chuckled at this and derailed the conversation that I was trying to both de- and re-rail. “Like your not-sword arm is  _ perfectly  _ tied up?” Since she started it, I might as well continue it. “You’ve read the Pu-On Tim works, they always forget something at the very last  _ miao _ .” “Like Sokka and his shirt.”  _ Yes. But...that’s real life. Something fictional _ . I wasn’t going to argue with someone who was right even if she was wrong,  _ wait, that's Katara _ . I wasn’t going to argue with the woman trying to run me over with her skis. Kotyan, being the stand-in surrogate father and surrogate teacher and all around least fruit pie of us, got his two teenage companions to stop trying to kill one another with ski poles and skis. He explained that “I only needed the best hunters from my Tribe.” The egg started cracking.  _ Crack _ .

_ Crack _ . That was what was going to happen to my bones had I chosen to make the left and gone  _ off  _ the small rise and  _ into  _ the conveniently placed bone-breaking rock. But I had grown as a person. Literally. My legs ached all of last night and  _ not  _ because Suki was jabbing me with a dagger. I woke up and  _ felt  _ taller.  _ Nice.  _ Speaking of cracking, my mental state was doing just fine, thank you very much. The Sunlight that didn’t exist and was replaced with twilight while a half moon chose to pop out from the east...that wasn’t affecting my mind.  _ Nope _ . 

Anyways,  _ crack _ . “The best hunters from your tribe?” I asked the fur cape in front of me. “Thirty warriors. And Asalup.”  _ Thirty? That’s...strangely specific for a number choice _ . “Why thirty?” was the next logical question. Which I asked while making a right turn to wind between two ‘walls’ of a mixed spruce-fir grove. “Two bands of fifteen.” he shouted.  _ Crack _ . “Your personal retinue and Uzluk’s? Any overlap with the...former Chief?” “After the former Chief met his untimely end-”  _ yes, how ‘untimely’ _ , “-for crimes against...people-”,  _ yes, ‘people’ _ , “-his bodyguards had an option. Join us, go off to the mountains, die. All of them chose to join us. And just as a commander does not represent the quality of his men, my father did not represent the… values… of his men. So I reorganized them into hunting bands.”  _ Crack _ . “Why fifteen?” my clueless self pondered. The answer was walking, er, skiing in front of me the whole time. Correction, behind me. Her short hair was nice and washed. Not that that was relevant to anything. Oh, and something relevant to something, she wasn’t wearing makeup. “Fifteen’s small enough to organize. It’s like the Kyoshi Warriors.”  _ Oh. That.  _ The egg  _ crack _ ed some more. I think an idea was trying to break out, but like an Imperial Pillow trying to push his Empress off, it’d take a  _ little  _ more of a  _ shove! _ .  _ Just a little more, though. You can do it. A little more effort. A few more questions _ . “They’re only thirty men, though.” I addressing the fur cape while  _ trying  _ to turn back -but also avoid crashing into something stupid like a tree- and politely look at Suki. “Fifteen men who train together. Two groups of them. Only two commanders I have to talk to. Uzluk and Kopyak.”  _ Crack _ . Suki exclaimed the comparison I needed. “That’s just like the Sunan Riders! A hundred and twenty men per officer. A couple top-ranked commanders.”  _ And the egg went kaboom! Eggs don’t do that, but...who cares, delusions of oneself?  _

“You’d be perfect for a Banner Army!” the statement that an immortal assassin was hammering into my head, despite him not being around for weeks, finally found the strength to shove itself out of myself. “You mentioned this before” the Chief, I can’t say he was being rude, he wasn’t, replied.  _ I did? That… now it loses all its dramatic revelatory significance. Then what was the setup with that egg cracking?  _ “There’s.. .that’s not the best conversation to have right now. Sure, we would be good at it. But we need to have the numbers first. We are better saving it for a more peaceful time-” but he was interrupted by Suki chuckling at a joke. “ _ What _ -” I stressed that part, “-is  _ so _ -” and that “- _ funny _ ?”  _ oh, and also that part _ . “After the  _ Flower  _ Banner, are you going to call this the  _ Spruce  _ Banner?” Fine, fine, I chuckled at that  _ stupid  _ name, as well. What kind of  _ idiot  _ comes up with a name like that? 

I went face-first into a tree. I was skiing on flat country, not downhill, or I wouldn’t be around to write of karmic punishment. I didn’t have time to classify it as a spruce tree or a fir tree or a pine tree, but when Suki pulled me back to my feet and I started pulling the needles out of my clothes, one lodged itself in my eyepatch, she identified it  _ for  _ me. “I know you love hugging your trees since you’re named after them, but-”  _ I’m not listening. _ I got back on my skis and continued after Kotyan, who had slowed down upon the loud sound of a man crashing into a tree. 

Suki poled her way after me. “Kotyan continued what he was saying. There are enough people for one. But not from the Zheng alone. If we took a hundred warriors from each Hall, we’d more than make it.” Suki, having caught up to me,  _ it’s not that hard, my relationship with my fellow trees was… not branching out…  _ drew some conclusions, “So that’s why you want to be Chief of Chiefs.” His response? “That, and also if we don’t unite, we’ll probably die to the waterbenders, should they invade.” “What makes you think that, among other things?” I sarcastically pondered. “Our Tribes are mostly nonbenders surrounded by overwhelming numbers of deadly benders.”  _ Right.  _ He wasn’t joking.

We came upon a small lake. Or a large pond. For context it was about the size of that one inlet on Kyoshi Island where I had the ‘two girls and one moron fall into some water’ incident when I went bowfishing and got back-tackled by two  _ for some reason without clothing _ Kyoshi Warriors. My clothes got drenched, I grabbed someone else’s and walked back dressed like a  _ girl _ . So yeah, that inlet. 

Kotyan ordered all of us to halt and we stopped by it’s lake, or pond, shore. Across from us,  _ nothing _ . It was dark out after all and we could just barely, those of us with eyes at least, make out the silhouette of conifer cones on the other side of the water. That spirit-forsaken loon-grebe let out it’s wailing cry.  _ Ooo-aaah-ooo.  _ Our force had come to a complete halt. Then, in the darkness, a bow went  _ twing _ . A few  _ fen  _ of pointless quiet complete with Suki looking… I don’t know what to say...resentfully? at… well… I’d say nothing but the only visible object out there was the Moon. Now, I’m not one to judge, but I don’t know what qualms Suki has with the Moon. Nonetheless, I didn’t have enough time to muster the strength to  _ ask  _ “why are you looking angrily at a celestial object?” since my encounters with The Moon People have taught me to avoid that subject entirely. Why? Moon People are crazy. The end. Also, _ I’m probably an idiot. She just doesn’t like standing in near-total darkness. It’s for security reasons.  _ From the darkness and into the torchlight a man with long hair walked up to us. Hair that fell to his waist and a bow on his back and a quiver along his waist.  _ And a loon-grebe in his hand.  _

Other torches were lit along the pond, or lake side. Men were huddled beneath them. “Across the Lake of the Chatri, they wait for us!” this man yelled. And he drew a knife. A man with similarly long hair grabbed the bird while he  _ gutted  _ it, draining it’s blood into a small earthen bowl. “Across the Lake of the Chatri, they conspire with the Last of the Sky Men!”  _ Wait. Sky men?  _ I nudged Kotyan. “Is he talking about-” but was cut off by his annoyed tone of “It’s a myth. Northern Air Temple lands.”  _ Oh. Right _ .  _ These people have no idea that there’s only one airbender left _ .

“Who wants His blessing?” the man, his hair was dyed crimson red,  _ I don’t want to know why, do I _ , looked across our mob. The Chief leaned close to me and whispered “I’d recommend you.” “Why? What’s he going to do?” I asked, wary. “He’ll bless you and that’ll inspire these warriors. You’re a Chief, after all” Suki didn’t object, “Is it safe for Hayashi?” “It’s safe” Kotyan reassured the two of us. So I went through with it. Kotyan got the Horn’s attention with “He will!” and gestured to me with his  _ dao _ .

I stepped forward and followed this bloody-haired man over towards the water’s edge. Kotyan, just as he did back when I first met the Zheng, was helping me out with giving me some advice so I didn’t do the wrong thing. He passed the torch to his brother before getting on one knee. So I followed suit and got on one knee. 

Up close, the man in his forties stank of iron,  _ blood _ , and bog mud. His hair was crimson with blood. And yet, his face was clear, washed… recently. Kotyan tipped his head back, as if to gaze at the star-filled sky and salmon-bass colored scar that ran across it. So I did. Asalup asked for my name and status. So I replied “I am Hayashi, Chief of the Kyoshi.” Nothing about that statement was true, and yet together, it was a truthful title. This Asalup man brought up the bowl, it still had that fresh kill smell to it, and held it above my face. I can’t say what he said, but it was some kind of prayer calling on The Great Hunter to grant His follower a blessing of strength, ‘to be as strong as a moose-lion,’ of speed, ‘to move like a sea-raven,’ ‘as spiritual as a loon-grebe’, among other traits. 

It was capped off with him pouring a few drops of this loon-grebe’s blood onto my face before giving a perfect mimic of the loon-grebe’s wailing ‘ _ Ooo-aaah-ooo’ _ . The men and women who watched us, bearing their spear and axes, ululated. Kotyan got off his knee, I got up. Then I walked over to Suki and Kotyan while Asalup yelled “Who wants His blessing?” and awaited another volunteer.

“You’re the first Southerner to see that” Kotyan said while hammering my back in cheer. “Much appreciated” I replied. Suki grabbed a cloth but Kotyan grabbed her hand, “no, no, you cannot wipe this off” and he pointed at the blood on my face.  _ Oh good.  _ So instead Kotyan, Suki and I stood there and watched while Asalup blessed all kinds of men and women. Others, further down the pond edge, were doing the same. Other Horns were blessing other Chiefs and other warriors, men and women. “I guess you’re a follower of The Great Hunter now” Kotyan got his jab in. “Add it to the list” I quipped, earning a single laugh from this otherwise serious experience. 

The conclusion of this event came with a meteor turning the sky as bright as the day, crossing from the northwest, over us, towards the southeast. Everyone except Suki and I fell to their knees as a unified mass, chanting some prayer to “The Great Hunter blesses us!”. Kotyan then stood, held his  _ dao  _ high to the sky, and  _ boomed  _ his voice. “The Great Hunter granted us His omen of victory!” and the Horns ululated and the rest of the warband stomped the ground.

No great crashing sound was heard as it vanished behind the monstrous peaks of the Gerse range. 

Judging by the direction, somewhere in the Agrarian Zone, someone’s farm just got leveled. 

An omen of victory here, what kind of omen could it be for the people of Ba Sing Se?

I can almost hear Lao Ge’s voice in my ear. He'd say  ' _ Long united, must divide. Long divided, must unite _ .'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we war with the Gerse. And friends.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for the Xishan Tribes, part II:  
> -Mori's introduction is a guess at what's happening elsewhere in the Empire.  
> -Black, white and red spruce are all real trees.   
> -Mori and Suki need some time to act like two stupid siblings.   
> -Kotyan brings up the need for peasant officials in the Empire, subtetly. This is something Mori has wanted done since the start of this.  
> -Mori makes an offhand comment about Guru Shoken. https://avatar.fandom.com/wiki/Shoken  
> -The Xishan pride themselves on their autonomy. They choose to be parts of Tribes because the Tribes are more powerful together than apart.   
> -They're individuals, but they're still part of a group. The cold kills most people, so the ones that remain are good at hunting, fishing, foraging, trapping, etc.  
> -Turns out, a co-ed army has lots of people engaging in pre-battle relations.   
> -Yes, Suki executed someone for 'violating Kyoshi's Ethics'. The specifics are unknown.  
> -Yes, the 'egg cracking' motif has been repeated here. It'll be repeated again in time.  
> -"Somewhere in the Agrarian Zone, someone’s farm just got levelled." For Want of a Nail.
> 
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed. Note: Generally speaking, all of the same Tribe are of distant familial relation. Direct relations listed as relevant.  
> ++Zheng:++  
> -Kotyan, current Chief of the Zheng  
> -Asalup, Kotyan's elder uncle. Had his ship destroyed by waterbenders, his crew slaughtered, presumed dead. Born again as Horn, the battle-priests of the Great Hunter.  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's younger uncle (a few years younger than Kotyan himself).  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother  
> ++Majia:++  
> -Aepak, an older man, Chief of the Majia  
> ++Pangou:++  
> -Irge, middle-aged, Chieftess of the Pangou. Wields twin axes.   
> ++Si Gou:++  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, Chief of the Si Gou  
> ++Zhag'yab:++  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, Chief of the Zhag’yab  
> ++Xainza:++  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, son of Asayun, Chief of the Xainza  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.


	61. Into the Far North: The Gerse Are Jerks, See?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Xishan fight the Gerse and Friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Gerse' is meant to be read as 'Gher-sea' like the 'Jersey' in 'Bailiwick of Jersey' or 'New Jersey'.
> 
> As such, you pronounce the title 'The Ger-see are Jerks see?"

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Seven:

As we skied deeper into the lands of the Gerse, the landscape changed. The giant mountains, the Sky Peaks is what they’re called, that first hemmed us in against the coast, vanished. Well… not ‘vanished’ like an Avatar whose departure caused a hundred year long war that is  _ completely  _ his or his predecessor’s fault, but they weren’t  _ right there, _ towering over all of us. Instead of being half a  _ geng _ ’s march from us, they were two or three  _ geng  _ south. Their spike-like tops protruded all the way  _ out there  _ like the wrecks of the Mo Ce Blockade. Instead of the rough ‘flat’, that’s a relative term, land that marked the previous days of skiing, the lands here were as mountainous as we foresaw. The lands east of Lake Chatri were mountainous and winding, much like the mountains east of the Zaofu Valley. Even with a map and a highpoint to use it, I  _ still  _ couldn’t tell you where we were supposed to be going. North was easy to distinguish, there were less mountains that way. South was easy to figure out… for a few  _ geng  _ of time, it’s light in that direction. I say a few  _ geng _ , in reality travelling through mountains means it’s even less than that. But that’s why we have Chief Kotyan. Or rather, Chief Vachir. 

They say the peaks that sharply rose around us were the holy sites of airbenders past. I can’t see,  _ don’t make the missing eye joke,  _ why a bunch of towel-wearing men would choose subpolar bare peaks for holy spots, but I’m also from the South Sea. It’s cold, to people that aren’t from here. Then again, I’ve never lived on top of Mount Rangi. Mount Rangi is snowy nearly all year, so it’s probably  _ quite  _ cold. Anyways...subpolar regions are  _ kind of  _ my thing. Not as much as being named after and having intimate relationships,  _ slam _ , with my namesakes, trees, but far, far, more than say, living in a temperate climate with four seasons. 

They say these peaks and the valley we skied in, the Zingpoje, all of this belongs to one Egg. Some six commanderies of land, granted they’re small commanderies relative to the steppelands, but still. Six commanderies to one Egg. Even when this was a whole Nation, that was only a few thousand people residing here.  _ They’re nomads. Nomads nomad _ . One Egg, Lord of the ‘Air Nation’, which from what I’ve seen so far is a bunch of ruffians disguised as monks, happily ‘liberating’ Imperial property and ‘using’ old abandoned structures for the sake of their  _ definitely  _ peaceful endeavours like stealing someone’s sister and doing unspeakable things to her. So all this ‘land’ which is barely even land, it belongs to an Egg. Right? 

Tell that to the Tribes that have lived in these thin river valleys since time itself began. They lived here with the Air Nomads flying over above them. They bear resentment against the ‘as high as honor’ ‘Sky Men’. The ‘Sky Men’ were supposedly elitists who treated the local Tribes like the dirt they flew above. This was  _ their  _ land, the Nomads would claim, the Tribes didn’t belong here.  _ Right, right...  _ Somewhere,  _ somewhere,  _ to our south or southeast, it was difficult to tell with no landmarks or major towns, Imperial settlers were in the process of trying to carve out a living in similar looking lands. They’re  _ probably  _ a hardy bunch, it’s hard not to be since the lot of us were skiing through four feet of snow, but they’re...over there. And in case it wasn’t obvious, over there is not over here. 

Over there, there’s hundreds of them, scattered like dice, eeking out a living in the cold. Small villages, most likely, built near the largest ponds. They’re all ‘on’ Air Nomad land,  _ which the Egg won’t be happy about, but we don’t care, do we? _ Over here, there aren’t any of them. They don’t come this far north. Over here, it’s just us. Over here, the sky was lit by the oncoming morning, bathed in a bluish hue. Over here, I followed my leader, er, my fellow Chief, Kotyan, as he followed the vanguard led by Chief Vachir, which itself followed a couple scouts.

In the traditional military order of battle, the word ‘order’ and Imperial Army go together like Toph and painting, there’d be a select detachment of men who  _ probably  _ know the land they’re walking on. Those people’s jobs is to tell us smart people, we’re smart because we have higher ranks, information on the upcoming land features. You know, hills, meadows, deep hard-to-pass forests, rivers,  _ giant cliffs _ , chokepoints, and so on. We’d be told of the upcoming villages and towns and places we could halt for the night. Not that I’ve done any grand military marches recently,  _ save one _ , the monorails and trains have taken all the fun away. 

But...when I was in Shirahama, I partook in part of such a march. I had to escort some important Governor to a town three days’ march away, scouts told him and his officer where they could rest along the way. Not that he made it there, but I wasn’t paid to have him make it there, I was told to escort him to the edge of the Shirahaman territory, then rest up at the guard posts along the border, then return back. Local earthbenders grabbed him somewhere in the wilderness, killed him, and crushed his officer’s hands and feet for being a master firebender. 

In this group, or force, or… warband, there is no such organization. I’m sure in retrospect that’s to be expected from the kind of people who rip heads off and hammer in skulls like a blacksmith and his anvil, but considering the circumstances of where we were going, I can’t really complain. We were going  _ into  _ the dark, brooding, damp, sparse, coniferous forests of identical trees with the only way to tell where you’re supposed to go being derived from having already gone there and returned. Of course, to  _ rule  _ the kind of people who rip heads off, you have to be the kind of person who rips your own father’s head off,  _ Kotyan, _ so ‘order’ doesn’t need to apply. Or...it doesn’t have to have the same bearing and meaning that it does in the Imperial Army Manual, and in the training the likes of General How would dispense. Because to say that these people are  _ disorganized  _ is an abject lie. No, on the contrary. A Kyoshi Islander,  _ like me! _ , knows Kyoshi Island better than any invader. Someone who grows up hunting and treading upon this  _ oh-so-holy  _ holy land with his filthy fur boots likely knows it better than any outsider. And whereas we  _ need  _ a force of scouts or we go in as blind as an Empress sitting on something wooden,  _ case in point, ‘the Bloody March to Fort Wei-Hung _ , _ ’ _ all of these people act as fighters and reconnaissance in one. We might need, or request, the use of a biplane for our purposes. We may employ ostrich horse riders, or if we can find them, eel-hounds. These Tribals? The Zhag’yab can guide us well enough. 

It is this truth, locals always know their homeland with the proficiency of a Yuyan Archer’s archery -when he  _ hasn’t  _ had his arms cut off by an old General- which is why were were able to trek into these unknown lands and get somewhere other than lost. While a  _ few  _ crazy explorers have mapped the North,  _ our  _ North, or their center, nobody’s braved the lands of the Northern Air Temple. It’s the estuary-like peatland of a backwater marshland that itself is at the end of a backwater inlet of a lake that  _ itself  _ is a lake adjacent to the ebbing and flowing ocean of the Empire.

When a man with a small topknot of matted hair returned to Kotyan’s section of the line, or Kotyan, or just in front of me, whichever sounds best, telling us to halt our men and women, Kotyan sent out a few of his retinue to ski  _ across  _ and inform the other parties. Because  _ also  _ unlike the Empire, the Xishan march wide, only ten or so warriors to each ‘path’. We came to halt within a ‘dense’ forest of thin tall black spruce. For equivalency, it was about as dense as the average hardwood forest in places like Yankou or Daoli or Lushan. But since most of the time, forests up here are marked with single trees spaced out every ten or twenty paces with some stunted growth in between, this five-space wood felt as dense as the Great Swamp. And like the Great Swamp, untold horrors could lurk just beyond our perceptive sight.  _ Which is why we have scouts. Just because we can’t see something doesn’t mean it can’ see us _ .

In this forest, we took a moment,  _ it was more than a moment, but that sounds brief-er _ , of respite, on orders of the Chief. Suki reached into her bag and pulled out some jerky. She then held it  _ over there _ , waving it to me like I was some kind of good boy woofer,  _ Nan, I do remember you _ , as if  _ asking  _ for me to try and run over there to grab it from her. But I’m as immovable as an Empress who refuses to wake up in the morning. So... _ no.  _ Her expression changed from playfulness to frustration to ‘I’ve got a way to have fun here’ which resulted in a game of  _ throwing  _ the pieces of jerky in my general direction while I took my moment of rest to rest against this one young tree and pour snow out of my snowshoe boot-things.  _ I think they’re boots _ . One of those nourishing, nourishing pleasure-giving pieces of crispy meat slapped me in the exactly thirty hints of auburn facial hair that I possessed. I know this because I counted them. 

Suki poled her way the not-that-far-away distance from her to I before plopping down next to me, opting to eat instead of, as I asked, “You’re not going to take off your own boots?”. In an exchange of roles, she was the one who had to be reminded to do something smart. She took her snowshoe boots off and poured many goblets of snow,  _ er, water,  _ out while I was the one watching this procedure take place. 

A knock on the tree I rested on spurred me from my watching. I turned around, looked up, and was confronted with Chief Kotyan. “Take this” and he placed a bow on the snow. Then he took a quiver of arrows from one of his hunting party members, and handed it to me. “Why are you giving me this?” I asked while sliding myself up the trunk, getting up and grabbing the bow. I held the bow in one hand while feeling the drawstring with another. “You’re a better archer than I am.”  _ That may be true, but _ , “Why, _ really _ ?” and I threw the bow on my back and slung the quiver over my shoulder so it dangled at my side. “You’ll be going with the archers.” and he pointed towards somewhere else in the forest.  _ Archers?  _ Suki finished her interlude, rising like a waterspout between the two of us. “What’s going on?” She followed Kotyan’s large arm, only made wider by the wrapped furs, out towards the edge of the woods. “Gerse. Leading a small army of mercenaries.  _ Not  _ Imperials. Mercenaries. Like the Dagze Company.”  _ Oh _ . We kept quiet. “Where?” She whispered. “Somewhere beyond that meadow. We’re going to ambush them.” _ Oh _ . His exhaling formed a mist of air in front of his face. “And why didn’t anyone  _ tell  _ us?” I countered, somewhat annoyed at this lack of information.“I just did.”  _ Fair point _ . “So...Suki and I will stay back?” I pondered, now watching the silent forest, save for the soft sounds of ski poles as they pierced feet of snow. “Up to you. If I was you, I wouldn’t get involved in the close quarters stuff. We don’t  _ want  _ to until we’ve softened them up. Like hunting. Better to kill from range.” Suki gave me a very convincing nod and we put our serious faces on. They’re not to be confused with tired faces one would make when his or her clothes are drenched from a day-long ‘march’. Since we weren’t marching. And it hadn’t been a full day yet. And most importantly, we weren’t tired.

We moved over to  _ almost  _ the edge of this forest. Almost. Ten or so trunks,  _ a hundred paces?, _ between the warriors and the clearing. The clearing was a few,  _ ten?, fifteen? _ , feet below us on a gradual decline, not a steep drop-off. A small sunken basin. If this was the springtime, there might be a stream there. There might’ve been one, but the layer of snow covers all indiscriminately. Behind each trunk, a few warriors wearing brown furs, or sealskins adorned with seashells, or furs and wearing topknots.  _ Zheng, Xainza, Zhag’yab, respectively _ . I followed the Chief over to a band of men carrying bows. I recognized their thick eyebrows, flat noses and pronounced cheekbones to take them as being of the Zheng, even if they weren’t  _ of  _ the Zheng… ‘royal’ family. The men I was surrounded by, surrounded being a dramatic term, each a few paces away from me, were led by the Horn, Asalup. While the blood that had poured onto my face dried and was washed off,  _ thanks, snow _ , it seemed like that man and his long hair had an endless supply of blood. I don’t  _ want  _ to know where that blood came from. It wasn’t my problem. As long as he’s on our side and he’s not killing my friends,  _ you do you.  _ Needless to say, the bloody face peering at me from across the twilight-stricken forest was concerning enough. I would not want to be the man looking into the woods and seeing that.

And so we stood. Waiting. Suki crowded me out of the tree-space while Asalup walked over to each of his men and gave some quiet blessing to them. And so we stood. We spent the past...many  _ geng _ in pitch darkness with only the stars -and occasionally, torches- to guide the party. A night march is unforeseeable,  _ ha _ , in the south, but up here, you either learn to night ski using little if any light, or you ski but a few  _ dian  _ a day, going nowhere. The sky had lightened up to the point that it was possible to make out the difference between brown and black hair. And it was at that point that, far past the edge of the trees, a blob of figures wearing what looked to be a form of light leather armor, adorned with furs, emerged into the meadow. On their flanks, traditional Northerner-attired thick fur wearing fellows. I couldn’t tell their choice of weapons, nor did I have the time to.  _ Who do I kill?  _ I pondered. 

Then  _ he  _ emerged. Yes, I know, I know, how vague. ‘He’ was a man of olive complexion, a simple mustache and hair bound in a topknot. He wore a surcoat adorned with  _ orange _ . Orange. I don’t know who  _ he  _ was, but he -and his bodyguards, men with orange sashes tied around their fur caps, who surrounded his ostrich horse- practically called out to me as being important enemies. There was only one way to find out.  _ Nock. Draw. Forget a cool hero pose, peek out. Aim.  _ Target? A Northerner’s head.  _ Thwick. _

My bow twanged as an arrow went between trees, out across the field, and struck the moose-lion head wearing man in his chest. It probably didn’t kill him, the fur looked pretty thick. Not that it mattered. Asalup let out a battlecry of ululatations as other bowmen nocked their drawstrings and loosed an erratic tide of fletchings out of the woods.  _ Nock.  _ I emerged from behind the tree again. The band of archers that were around me stuck to their spots while the closest-to-the-field warriors thumped spear to chest.  _ Draw _ .  _ Aim _ . The blob of figures. I’ve  _ got  _ to hit one of them.  _ Thwick _ . The arrow joined its brothers and sisters,  _ note, can arrows be male or female? Who knows,  _ as they escaped the woods and found new homes in the hearts of unsuspecting men,  _ right, now they sound like an army of Ty Lees _ . And also their heads. And other parts of their chests. 

To the poor, poor, nameless army we were ambushing, they completely caught off-guard. The front rows of men were too busy eating arrows to ponder a counterstrike and at least one of those Gerse-looking men who  _ might've  _ been one of their officers or lead trackers was being filled with projectiles. I don’t think he deserved it, but it was clear, or as clear as something  _ can  _ be in this twilight, that the mob of men were not suspecting one of their...guides, people,  _ someone _ , to take  _ that  _ many arrows to the face and chest. So the front lines fell, as to be expected from men who forgot to use their small shields. The next sets of lines did the next brightest thing and  _ backed up,  _ forming a terrible, terrible, shieldwall. That orange-robed man drew his  _ dao _ ,  _ ooh, you’re a special one,  _ and screamed orders at his men. Stuff like “Wall! Form wall!”. And two wings of about ten men each fell out of the sides of the formation. 

_ Nock.  _ Our archers pelted the mass with arrows. The enemy Northerners fell back towards the trees,  _ they are not stupid _ , while these men started pulling earth walls out of the ground to cover their line.  _ That’s not good.  _ “That’s not good!” I shouted while pulling the string back.  _ Aim _ . My good eye caught one of these men was running crosswise, right-to-left. The far right and far left flanks were pulling up the walls first.  _ Come on, aim, aim, predict the shot.  _ With only two trunks between me and the meadow, my arrow was lined up as best as can be.  _ Thwick _ . He  _ stopped  _ and my arrow flew past him, finding a new home in someone else’s forehead.  _ I don’t care about that guy, though _ . 

_ Nock.  _ He smashed the ground with his feet, trying to pull some earth out to manufacture into defenses.  _ Draw. Aim. Thwick _ . As he pulled his arms up in a motion akin to a man picking up a basket, my arrow struck true in his right arm. And sure, that didn’t kill him,  _ most arrows don’t _ , but it made him pause. The enemy army couldn’t see us, so they couldn’t hit back. A few earth projectiles, small boulders the size of pottery, were tossed at us in a panicked attempt to do something. They crashed against the meadowside trunks.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ an orange-sash man barking orders from behind his men,  _ thwick _ . I thanked the Spirits, or rather myself, for being ‘above’ the enemy army at a high enough point to snipe off enemies further back than just the front line. The orange-sash officer took the arrow through the chest and waddled backwards like a drunk otter-penguin before falling over. He wasn’t dead, probably, but he was stunned.

While I obsessed over one man, I didn’t notice Kotyan and the other men screaming taunts at their opponents. I did notice them grabbing their axes and other assorted implements and skiing forward towards the enemy position. And the earth wall? It wasn’t completed. A couple of Kotyan’s men tossed throwing axes,  _ really, throwing axes?, that’s awesome,  _ into the enemy lines. Namely the enemy earthbenders. So while the flanks were done, the center wasn’t. And even better, Kotyan grabbed the earth walls that  _ were  _ constructed and tore them down, allowing the wave of Xishan to fall upon the enemy mercenaries like a rock-alanche on something fleshy.

In the Empire, this might call for a cease in bow-use. This might call for...tactics. Rudimentary flanking? We have more maneuverability, so why aren’t we running, er, skiing, at them from all angles? Why  _ aren’t  _ we using angles? The archers weren’t volleying or arcing correctly. An experienced wielder of a composite bow, with enough experience and ability to tell distance,  _ geese are horizontal and lateral _ ,  _ and I can’t always tell distance due to the whole one eye thing _ , could easily aim his arrow upwards and have it fall on our opponents from the sky. It isn’t as accurate, but I’d rather a miss or two than risk hitting my own men in the back. Likewise, I’d also have my men charge with some semblance of cohesion. Because organization… is like that.

But we’re not  _ in  _ the Empire. These archers, or rather the more appropriate name would be foresters, didn’t care much for arcing. Some did, most didn’t. And, sure, many of the Xishan -especially those further down the forest’s edge- were fanning themselves into a flank. But that could also be because they were further to our north or south, so attacking the marching column would cause them to approach from an odd angle. I took a spectatorial position, I wasn’t going to lodge myself in the thick of it, as per Kotyan’s orders. As for cohesion? That’s a funny word, isn’t it? These Xishaners… no, no, no, they don’t need our fancy words like formations, raising shields,  _ having  _ shields or wide pompous flanking attempts. No. They’ve got a system, and it works. It’s just not as...nice and pretty as ours.

Here’s what I saw. The fifteen men under Asalup? They waited next to me, releasing arrows, randomly, not strategically, like one would think from such tribalistic fighters who know nothing of Imperial training. They, like I, had an arrow tucked in our fingers. As the close quarters fighting progressed, these archers would wait until a clear opportunity, like a hunter and his prey, presented itself. For instance, the band that charged in front of us was pressed backwards -along with the rest of the Xishan- by a spearwall formed at the orders of that one  _ dao _ -wielder whose shouts just barely sounded over the cries of men. Of course, the man himself was nowhere to be seen. Some of his orange-sashed followers were to be seen -their oranges appear much brighter than intent against the browns of the lower-ranked men- moving around the back of the force. When that order came over from the rear and the Xishan troops were forced back, just enough to get out of the huddled-like-otter-penguins tactic that these mercenaries were drilled in, we had  _ targets _ . 

_ Nock, draw. Aim.  _ A spear-wielder wearing fur armor and a fur cap.  _ Thwick _ . It went through the gap and into the man’s head. Something I didn’t think about back at Wei-Hung but I did notice now: Xishaners are  _ large _ . They’re tall and they’re well-built. The mercenaries' small leather or fur caps came up to the chins of the Zheng. Their ‘commander’, the cat-deer helmed Uzluk, being the ‘shortest’ of all Zheng, was still half-a-head taller than the caps. Kotyan and I are almost eye-to-eye with me just beating him most of the time, but I’m also unusually favored to have that Kyoshi blood running through my veins, granting me great stature.  _ Also, training. And rice.  _

While the Xishan did not dispense with winged assaults, they did something else. Kotyan, his beard and large-knotted queue distinct from the mass, ran head-first into one of these spearwalls. I believe he grabbed one spear as it was thrusted towards him and  _ snapped  _ it, before using his  _ dao  _ to cut right through the spear-wielder’s head. Correction, dig the  _ dao  _ through the skull and into the man’s shoulder. This act, along with similar ones that happened in the rest of his group, men burying axes while others jabbed with their bone-spears and yet others caved in skulls with stone-mauls, was enough to cause some of those mercenaries to retreat. 

Unlike our men, who had skis and ski poles that allowed them to stay at range, many of the mercenaries were trudging over deep snow. And if enough people start  _ scrambling  _ to escape, some of them are going to fall over. And if some of them fall over, that’s not helping dissipate the weight of a  _ stampede _ , is it? So whereas they might have crossed the packed snow with  _ some  _ ease had they retreated in style, scattering and fleeing in all directions without any order upturned the soft upper layers, forcing men to fall over. That’s not to mention them being trampled by their fellows as their fellows ran this way and that. So the mercenaries made like a duck-goose flock, not a thrush-starling flock. Thrush-starlings tighten together to scare us away. Duck-geese flee. 

Something else duck-geese do that thrush-starlings don’t is  _ die _ . Asalup slammed his spear into the tree and the rest of us pulled out arrows.  _ Nock, draw, aim, thwick _ . I hit a man fleeing north and knocked him over. The rest of the soldiers joining us  _ thwick _ ed arrows. Who knows how many struck. Who cares. Those not-flanking allies of ours found an accidental point to withholding from flanking: Targets. Tens of arrows flew out of trees up and down the meadow. Men were stuck in the sides of their chests, in their heads, sometimes necks, and worst of all, legs. A simple leg hit can stagger. When they’re fleeing in a panic, they fall over. When they fall over, men behind them might trip. If the men don’t trip, the wounded arrow-burdened men found their bones broken by their peers running  _ over  _ them. 

It was at this point that Asalup raised his loon-grebe’s beak-hilted spear and jabbed it in their direction. So his men skied out of cover and into the meadow. The men in the distance cried “May the Avatar protect us!” as Asalup -and some other warband leader’s- men released arrows into their fleeing mass.  _ I don’t know where all of you are going in the middle of… this. You’re not going to last. _ Between Asalup’s charge and the not-flanking Xishan from the north and south, whoever wasn’t already dead was about to be.

While many of them ran, the fur-lined Gerse reserves skied out of the darkness, throwing javelins of bone at our men. A few crossed the thirty pace distance and impaled the oncoming Xishaners in the chest. But there weren’t that many javelineers and for every javelin they tried to throw, we had ten bowmen or in some cases bowwomen, countering. Ski troops can go up to a position, halt, release an arrow, and continue skiing, all in under ten  _ miao _ . Such was the case with Asalup’s band as they went on the right flank, chasing the mercenaries into the woods. They moved as a group, with everyone halting at roughly the same spot -granted, they were in a rough blob, not a column- and releasing their arrows before continuing the chase. Meanwhile, in the center of this mass, we spotted the orange-dressed man. And he did something that I didn’t expect.  _ Okay, okay, there’s been lots of things I haven’t expected today, but I expected my opponent, a commander on the opposite side of the forces, to either fight or run.  _

Not to take his  _ dao  _ out and hold it out in an act of surrender. “Spare me!” he cried.  _ What is he, mad?  _ Some of the other Xishan, the seashell people,  _ Xainza _ , were quick to try and kill him. Kotyan, distinct with his moose-lion helmet, instead stomped the ground and yelled “Stop!” For unlike the Xishan, Kotyan has got enough experience in the South, or the Empire, to give a possible surrender-ee the benefit of the doubt. And also, us Southerners  _ do  _ have a sense of honor. Asking for surrender gets surrender. 

The man and his personal retinue, or those that weren’t bleeding out on the ground, threw their weapons into the red-tinted snow as  _ all  _ of us were awash in the rosy light of, confirmed by a quick glance to the right, the Sun rising from behind a far-distant peak. It was so far in fact that the Sun appeared blocked by the mountaintop while either edge of it was visible. I took about a  _ fen  _ to cross the plains. In that time, the Xishan Coalition stopped posing menacingly and went to loot the corpses of the dead or soon-to-be dead,  _ one good spear jab tends to get those results, assuming the person is nice enough to make it quick and doesn’t treat the person like a butcherable piece of venison...I’m looking at you, nameless hunter wearing a simple leather-fur cap.  _ I wasn’t in favor of looting, but if I tried to stop them… I couldn’t try to stop them. The end. 

Kotyan, Uzluk and other men I knew from the Zheng land,  _ right, I didn’t know them but I knew their faces _ , rounded the survivors who surrendered into a circle. His hunting party was upset, they spoke in a dialect I couldn’t hear, but I could hear the tone. They wanted blood and Kotyan didn’t. As I, a lone auburn-haired man,  _ Suki followed shortly behind me _ , neared the hunting band, Kotyan’s younger brother gestured to me, attracting Kotyan’s attention. He waved me over, wave is the wrong word, he gave me a  _ look  _ to come over, and I strafed their circle before reaching the Chief himself. The Chief found himself busy.

“Who hired you?” he politely asked. No really. Politely. Ignore the gruff, deep, voice and the scowling harsh demeanour and the bloody mittens. He wasn’t stabbing anyone or pulling heads off,  _ yet _ . “You’re Xiongnu, who taught you to speak so well?” the ‘commander’ of this group, he was separated from his friends, asked, looking up at the braided beard man. “Who, hired, you? Tell us and we’ll let you go.” Credit to Kotyan’s band was pent-up, ready to start doing the stabby stab stab, and yet here he was, a calming demeanor, talking to this topknot-ed man and his orange sash. “You’re Xiongnu, you’ll kill us anyways.” the man stated assertively.  _ He’s sure of himself.  _

I walked up to this on-his-knees man and drew my  _ jian _ . I then made sure he could  _ see  _ the  _ jian  _ as it pointed towards his feet. It was just out of lunge range. He then turned to his other side and looked up at  _ me _ . Bathed in the pinkish light of the ascending Sun, I probably looked much, much cooler than I actually felt. “Who are you? You’re not Xiongnu.” the man asked, gazing at my good eye and the strip of cloth that covered the other one. “I’m  _ me _ . Who are you?”  _ What, you think I’m stupid enough to tell you?  _ “You’re not from around here” he stated, while looking me up and down. “I’m not from around  _ here  _ but I’m from  _ around  _ here.” I replied, happy to play into his word game. He took a hand and made this open-palm-point-thing towards the blade. “That’s...that’s a star-blade” he remarked. I chuckled. “It is-” but I was paused by him trying to  _ turn  _ to face me. “-If you make a  _ single  _ motion towards me, this blade will cut through that  _ intricate, intricate  _ leather armor and into your  _ intricate, intricate  _ chest.”  _ I can’t confirm that, but I sounded like I was going to confirm that _ . “So, for both our sakes, let’s  _ not _ , alright?” and I winked. Well, blinked. One-eye winks are blinks, as one would know. He then looked past my tall stature and...this man went slack-jawed. 

“You...she’s a Warrior of Kyoshi!” and my eye darted over to my cousin. She was wearing her war-paint. _How...when, how do you have the time to do this application? Do you carry a makeup kit around with you at all times? Or… no wait, you do, don’t you_. Suki, not as worried about personal safety as I, put her hands on her hips and proudly, pridefully, let her voice be heard by everyone from here to Beihai. “Yeah. I am. You got a problem with that?” He looked like he’d seen a ghost. “The… Warriors of Kyoshi. They’re… they’re legendary. You… they… I didn’t know they sold themselves off as mercenaries… Zhang forgot to mention that.” 

A  _ name _ . He only realized the blunder he made after he made it. Suki snapped to her interrogative, ‘Unagi feeding time’ voice. “ _ Who’s  _ Zhang? And  _ yes _ , I  _ am _ a mercenary.” The man blinked a few times, twice for the three of us as we each looked down at him. “I… who’s your boss,  _ girl _ ?” Suki  _ slapped  _ him. I don’t know if that was part of her game or if she just doesn’t like being derogatorily being treated like a servant, but she did that. Then she went back to her  _ persuasive, ‘if you don’t tell me the truth I will feed you to our loveable giant sea monster friend’ _ , 

“We’re new to the mercenary scene. We split and we went our own ways. I’m tagging along with  _ these  _ people” and she gave an elbow-tap towards the commander of the angry-faced tall men and their angry-faced pointy spears. Kotyan barked orders to them, orders that I took to mean to back up since they soon after granted the three of us a ten pace cordon. This young man smiled like he was successfully seducing her with his good looks. “What’s in it for you? They’re a bunch of dirty barbarians. There’s no pay. You want  _ something _ ?” 

She played into his game. “Yeah? What? I’m up for  _ anything _ ,” and she bit her lip. Kyoshi Warriors, after all, are masters at the art of… playing up their femininity. It’s like Katara with no morals and a couple sarashi knives. They weren’t created to seduce and kill their enemies, but when hunting down those who violate Kyoshi’s Ethics, it’s good to make yourself look like someone who’d violate Kyoshi’s Ethics would yearn to violate. This young man, well he’s older than myself but he’s still got those baby cheeks, continued his ‘I’m so awesome’, _ just ignore the recent massive military failure of yours,  _ tangent. “Get me out of here and I’ll  _ make it worth your while _ .” 

“Oh? You want some help? Tell me who Zhang is. If he’s half as handsome as you, I’d _love_ to work for him.” she stated, fanning herself -metaphorically- while being dainty-voiced like some vain Upper Ring woman. “You’re _twice_ as good looking as what we were told about the Kyoshi Warriors-” but he was cut off by her grabbing his chin with her hand. “ _Who’s_ Zhang. Answer it and I’ll help,” she stressed this last part like a prospective innocent bride, “ _okay_?” and she gave him an eyebrow raise to kill all eyebrow raises. _Kyoshi help me, why am I watching this?_ “Baihu Zhang...runs the mercenary underworld.” She made a move to _appear_ to start the process of disrobing, that is, contemplating removing a layer of the layer of heavy fur clothes that all of us have to wear. 

“Who hired  _ you _ ? Where’s  _ that  _ guy? I want to meet him, too.” and she started pulling, or fake pulling, her outer robe off. This was enough for this man who’s likely not enjoyed the company of a tavern for weeks. He was absolutely head-over-heels looking at her and her makeup and her fake sudden vanity. “We’re Masanobu’s. He was hired by Alignak. Masa...Masanobu is over there!” and he pointed at the trees.  _ How very helpful _ . Also, the mention of that Water-Tribe sounding name,  _ hey, can’t fault me, the Isles he’s from are the Water Tribes _ , reminded us of the  _ last  _ mercenaries. Suki  _ actually  _ pulled her furs off, revealing a green peasant robe, the same one she took with her from the Fort. This made the man even  _ more... _ crazy? He didn’t seem to remember the two of us also there and Kotyan and I independently made the call to back out of his line-of-sight to allow him to enjoy my cousin’s deception. “Where’s  _ there _ ?” she asked. Now sounding more like a drunk and-in-love man from the Lower Ring and less like...whatever his accent was before, he mumbled “Oh, he’s...with Lord Xai over there. We just… we just came from there.” She licked her lips. “And? Where were you going?” and she, again, grabbed his chin to keep him focused on her and only her. 

“Us...Alignak… he ordered us and the Dagze and the others… we’re supposed to go kill those filthy barbarians. Drive ‘em out. Replace ‘em with the civilized peoples.” Suki ignored the rhetoric that was making Kotyan fume. His men were too far away and too dialect-sensitively untrained to hear these insults. Had they been closer and more knowledgeable they would’ve killed him. “So...the Gerse, you’re telling me your friends are using the Gerse lands for themselves?” and this lone mercenary gave a passionate nod. I knew where his eyes were  _ trying  _ to look, down at her loose peasant robe, and I knew that in other circumstances I would have plucked the two of them out. “Are they going to attack soon?” she asked, leaning in as if to kiss him. “No, we were the...vanguard. They’re all having breakfast.” 

She smirked. Her dainty voice  _ dropped  _ like a rock and returned to her normal Suki voice. “Kotyan, do what you want with him” and she shoved him backwards, standing up and grabbing the fur coat from the ground to put back on. Now...if I was a prisoner of one legendary-in-prowess Warrior, a ‘barbarian’ who just tore some of my allies’ heads off with his bare hands and...some auburn-haired man, I would probably try and negotiate. You know what I wouldn’t do?

He pulled a dagger from the ground and tried to stab my lower limbs with it. What he  _ didn’t  _ think about or maybe forgot was the meteorite blade that sat  _ just out of range _ out of his line-of-sight. So when he did that idiotic lunge toss himself forward, he was practically  _ asking  _ to be cut into pieces. I mean, into two pieces. He was asking to be cut in two pieces.  _ Whatever _ . The edge of my blade stopped his dagger stab, I threw his hand off and I taught him a new meaning of ‘to be disarmed’ as I raised my blade and swept to one side, removing his arm for him. He shrieked like a child while Suki giggled,  _ go you, you crazy cousin of mine _ , and Kotyan  _ grabbed him  _ with one hand,  _ picked him up _ and, guess what, dug his fingers into the man’s eyes. His screaming only got worse as he clawed at the already bloody arms of Kotyan. Kotyan dug his fingers further in and ripped the top of his skull off. I don’t know if he rooted his stance in the earth -hard to do with all the snow but no matter- or if he’s just that strong, or if he had earth daggers on his fingers, but one  _ miao _ the top of the man’s head was part of his body, the next  _ miao  _ the top half of the head was not part of his body and was gushing inside fluids outside. 

The randomly-appeared-from-nowhere Asalup was quite happy and demanded the head for himself. Kotyan cut off the rest of the head and handed it to him. He...anointed himself with that man’s head while his fellow soldiers were ordered to  _ not  _ be executed. No, no, they had already fainted and screamed and all those other things from seeing their commander go from ‘charming’ to ‘cut up’. Asalup was  _ anointed  _ by this man’s blood. He also yelled out some prayer for The Great Hunter.  _ Well this battle, er, massacre, has gone quite confusingly.  _ Correction, it went quite well as a massacre. As a conventional pitched battle? Not really. 

Our forces regrouped into the rough ‘formation’, that is, Kotyan and I in the middle and Vachir’s men at the front -and everyone else everywhere else, but I lack the kind of tactical oversight that I’d have elsewhere- as we counted our casualties and set off eastwards. The Zheng lost nobody, most Warriors got two or three kills. I believe twelve Zhag’yab died to a mix of spears and javelins, nine Majia and six Si Gou. When possible, the men were regrouped to ensure that the maximum number of full hunting bands existed, with the remainder being used as a reserve. I’m sure a system like that would work quite well in the Empire. 

Combine that with the ‘one party attacks one stays back’ from earlier, and,  _ idea! _ , we’ve got a system waiting to start working properly… But before that, we had to march, er, ski, on the Gerse.  _ By the way, the wounded don’t count. They were left behind with the reserves, a small band of Majia at a base-camp we set up in the meadow we fought in since it’s ‘iconic’ in terms of not-being-the-forest and also being kind of in the shape of a square.  _

As we crossed this sparse one-tree-type forest, the rays of light changed from reddish to orange-yellow. It was like walking  _ through  _ a painting, where the tops of the trees were awash in identical hues and the forestbed, if it could even be called that, along with us, were immersed in the dark greens of these trees. The air was cool, not as cold as earlier. The few times we left the cool forest air for a small clearing, not a  _ true  _ clearing like the slash-and-burn one from earlier, a clearing where a few sprouts of young trees were emerging from the snowfall, I  _ felt  _ that sunlight. It felt warm. I could sit down and enjoy it all day.  _ Well, there wouldn’t be much of a ‘day’, but still _ . I could also look left and right and see how wide our forces went. Hundreds of feet in either direction, one-man wide columns crossing a clearing. And all of it? Silence. A few chickadee-thrushes might chirp. A distant loon-grebe would wail  _ ooo-aaah-ooo _ . Only up close would one hear the soft sounds of poles digging into snow and pressing us forward. 

The sunlight showed these people’s faces off in ways that...it doesn’t make sense to a man living in Ba Sing Se who sees the same Sun and the same circumstances everyday,  _ or is supposed to _ … but as many covered their faces with furs, the Sun would turn their brown and grey clothes yellow. What I should say is, when all you’ve seen of someone is by a solitary campfire, with bits of them visible from the radiating light, seeing them march in the sunlight is… an interesting experience. Previous days, I wasn’t able to  _ see  _ every little scar or individual strand of hair, as we were skiing at a fast pace through forests. But in these clearings when I noticed them… all the stories people in Ba Sing Se hear about the ‘barbarians’ don’t do them justice. They look much more intimidating in person. Tall statues gracefully crossing the land on skis. They had little scars here and there. Their eyes shimmered like cave creatures when exposed to the light. They almost seemed like ghosts wearing the clothes of hunters.  _ Wait, where was I?  _

A man with hair in a rough topknot, the ‘knot’ part falling apart, went backwards -we were going east and he was going west- to Kotyan and informed him that the once-had-a-head-man was correct. Ahead of us, a Gerse palisade surrounding a town with many longhouses and a large hall. Many tents, made of fur and canvas, sat outside the village. Kotyan concluded that this was probably the largest of the Gerse communities and ordered, in his dialect that he soon translated to us, that ‘I’m summoning all the Chiefs for this plan’. 

So we stopped right there and waited as skiers went up and down the ‘columns’ and brought other Chiefs and… other people who weren’t the eight or so faces I recognized together. Irge and her two axes might’ve been unique enough, but her band of men and women wearing dyed red-and-black clothes weren’t. The pointed beard and sunken eyes and pronounced cheekbones of the Majia Chief, bringing along others in his group who had similar long beards. A bunch of brown-haired men with bone-spears slung over their backs following the Si Gou Chief. Men with topknots just like the courier from earlier being led by a mustached man and weighted cheeks of Vachir. A dozen-odd seashell-clothed men, the whites, greys and reds of their seashells forming a painting standing out from the browns of the rest. And others, others who I couldn’t identify on the fly. And last, but not least, the silent Girgen and his large  _ guandao _ , accompanied by only two men, bald, and their striking eyes. I sat back while Kotyan gave commands to  _ each  _ person in the half-circle of men and women that had gathered around him.

When all that commanding was done, we were made even  _ wider  _ than before. By Kotyan’s command, each Tribe was assigned a direction and told to spread it’s bands out evenly in that ‘section’. Such a tactic might be employed during a hunting expedition, but never to this scale. The Pangou’s large numbers were to come in from the north. The Majia were to take the northwestern approach, the Zheng and Zhag’yab were to tackle it in a direct assault, the Weiyi, all twenty or so of them, were to go with the Xainza to take the southwest and finally the Si Gou would come from the south. With that in mind, each Chief and his or her  _ officers _ , that’s what they were, set out for the oncoming battle.

Another couple  _ fen  _ passed while Suki and I followed Kotyan’s contingent,  _ ha, ‘contingent’ _ , over to their pre-battle positions. Looking out from the woods in a mirror of the battle that happened earlier the same ‘day’,  _ ha _ , we spotted a similar kind of lack of tactical awareness. Any sentinels looking out towards the woods wouldn’t see us. We were too deeply embedded. Tents were set up in the clearing around this large village that every one of these communities tends to have. Not the tents, the clearings. The clearing was  _ below  _ us, there was grass there whereas we were on snow.  _ Someone melted it _ . It must’ve been a foot or two in height difference, but it was enough. And the Sun was in the process of setting, the rays that touched the tips of the higher spruce, forty odd feet above us, were all that was left of this day’s sunlight. The forest was made dark enough that we were hidden from sight. 

Men sang and drank no more than a hundred paces from us. And they sang and drank in dialects that were  _ not  _ from here. Their local companions, Gerse tribesmen, weren’t as...quick to the drink and quick to the carousing. We had to stay completely silent. Not hard to do. Out there, no more than a few  _ miao  _ in a quick sprint, the nearest of the tents circled a campfire. As we gathered our weapons, a bow and a fresh quiver -looted from the corpses of the fallen- for me to compliment my  _ jian _ , they sang. I watched the ones nearest to us, a tent close to the forest’s edge. Along with their singing, the firelight revealed them to be in blacks-and-reds. This is what they sang:

_ The Year was a Hundred in _

_ It's worth not forgetting _

_ The men who fought through _

_ The month-long bloodletting _

_ T'was called the Imperial Campaign _

_ A bloody, world-spanning fight _

_ Against all peoples _

_ Who opposed her regal might _

_ The flags of the Mo Ce Isles _

_ How they fluttered in the breeze _

_ The Maizuru and the Tenri _

_ And the flag of the Yamazoe _

_ Then came the sound of horns _

_ The rolling drums of doom _

_ And the streets of Caldera _

_ Were as empty as a tomb _

_ The Empress of Ba Sing Se _

_ Gave the signal to break-in _

_ Let those who opposed her _

_ Be wiped out by her kin _

_ They stormed the Lower City _

_ They attacked with blade and shell _

_ And they came with green dresses _

_ Crying "Ten Thousand Years" as they fell _

_ The slaughter has long been done _

_ The horns ceased to ring _

_ But even from here _

_ You can hear them echoing _

I don’t know if they had a continuation or not to the song. Our warriors made the cries of mimicking loon-grebes. “ _ Ooo-ahh-ooo _ .” I  _ wish  _ I could paint their reactions. They stopped singing and  _ all  _ turned in our direction. The Xishan men wailed in screeching “ _ ooo-ahh-ooo _ ”s. They crashed their sticks to their chests. They made vocalizations with their throats, both high and low. They howled. They grunted. And best of all, the likes of Asalup and other Horns made these blood-curdling screeches. 

Some of those faces...they were priceless. People who went as pale as the half Moon behind them.  _ They  _ yelled, “what...what’s out there?” in sheer horror. And  _ some  _ of these men were easily Kotyan’s age, some nearly as old as the likes of General How. And all they did was freeze. Or… that’s what the stupid ones did. They weren’t even able to grab their weapons. Our screams -not mine or Suki’s- were enough to petrify them. A smart one of the ten punched at us and  _ a burst of flame exited his hand _ before breaking against one of the snowy trunks. Kotyan, a few trees over from us, did what  _ any  _ commander would do. He used metalbending to treat his  _ dao  _ like a throwing weapon. And his  _ dao  _ lodged itself in that firebender’s chest.  _ That’s a very ‘any commander would do’ tactic. Yup. _

And we attacked.  _ Nock, draw, aim, thwick _ . An arrow for one of the guys who ran to grab his  _ ji _ . A  _ ji _ . The arrow took him in his back. The warriors that were with us barreled out of the trees and into their encampment. Kotyan, having pulled his blade  _ out  _ of the man, ran-by-sliced his head off. As Kotyan was followed by his men, Suki tapped my shoulder and was all ‘let’s go after him’ by saying “Let’s go after him” and then legging it herself, you know, to go after him. So I tossed my bow over my back and ran after her. 

We passed what I can only describe as ‘a little bit of a massacre’. Our fur-clothed men pulled tents open and did the slicey slicey or stabby stabby to anyone inside. The rest of the campfire-ers were cut down where they froze. They just… I don’t know, the circumstances were too much for them. A few of the red-and-black men with three-pointed beards had figured out how to grab their implements, sadly they were just  _ dao _ , sadly for them that is, and formed a line of  _ dao  _ wielders outside the palisade of this structure. As  _ most  _ of the warriors were distracted by the tents and the errant man with a spear, it was up to Kotyan, a few others,  _ and guess who?,  _ Suki and I, to get rid of these gate guards. 

Kotyan went first, parrying two strikes with his  _ dao  _ before plunging it through the chest of one of the two. Suki let her opponents try to hack her, only to stick a dagger through one man’s head, turn him around  _ with  _ the dagger, and leave it with him while he got slashed and she punched someone completely different in the face. And me?  _ Block, parry, slice. Parry, slice. Kick, slice.  _ I worked my way into the village grounds. Kotyan joined me, having decided to play with his food instead. Who knew one wide sweeping slice, with his thumb on the blade, allowed him to cut four people’s heads open at the same time?  _ That’s great _ . They could’ve filled up a pond with all that blood. Once I got done stabbing this  _ one  _ guy in the chest, I noticed the mob of men passing around me and into the village proper. 

I followed Kotyan as he weaved through the men that were running in all directions. We were heading towards a large structure, the center building of this town. An intense fight occured in the ‘courtyard’ as mercenaries were towered over by Xishaners and could do little against their fast, hard,  _ stomps _ . Metaphors aside, the Xishaners were able to parry most blows and simply lodge their weapons in whoever was sorry enough to be in their way. A few fur-coats got set on fire by a few blasts, sure, but far more of these mercenaries had their heads ripped off. 

Girgen kept getting his  _ guandao  _ stuck inside people’s shoulders, necks,  _ you really need to clean your blade more,  _ and so on. He also bashed someone in the head to the point the head shattered. But that didn’t concern myself, Suki -she was mostly using her daggers- or Kotyan -he was having a dancing competition with someone’s topknot of hair- since we were running towards the building. I killed five people, Suki six, Kotyan... _ he’s Kotyan. Any guess is too low. _

The door guards, two Gerse fellows, were quickly disposed of by Kotyan’s four allies, one of whom was Uzluk. The fur doorway was smashed down with a small earth pillar, courtesy Kotyan, and we barged into the Gerse Great Hall. The guards inside poured out, and we fought a brief skirmish in the doorway. And by brief, I mean Kotyan sliced one man’s head open, then headbutt-broke another, one of our allies stabbed an enemy, Suki shoved a dagger into someone’s underarm, before the last man took a random ally of ours’ stabs to the face. All of this happened at the same time.  _ Only in folktales do all the allies die leaving just us. That’s dumb. We have soldiers. Soldiers help _ . Inside, a man wearing the armor of a Fire Nation Captain got off his stone seat and drew his  _ jian _ . His partner, a man much larger,  _ or the Captain’s quite tall _ , wearing the furs of a moose-lion’s head, grabbed his hammer and grunted in our general direction. “Prisoner” I one-word commanded. Kotyan nodded. We took our positions. Suki against the Ashmaker, Kotyan against the Chief and me in the middle. 

The Captain screamed  _ something  _ incoherent, I’d guess a battlecry, as he charged forward at us with his  _ jian _ . The two Chiefs ran towards one another. I took my blade and  _ ping! _ , blocked the Ashmaker’s blade with my own. Suki then swept his legs out and pulled a cloth from  _ somewhere _ ... _ where are you hiding those _ , and wrapped his hands to his feet,  _ she went to the Kyoshi School of Tying People Up _ and turned him from a menacing figure to a yelling man with his face pressed into dirt by a teenage girl’s hand. Oh, and the Gerse Chief’s hammer found the  _ hammer  _ part of it gone, Kotyan effortlessly pulled it it off with his hands. As the former grappled the latter, Kotyan went in and  _ chomp, chomp, rip, tear _ , pulled that man’s throat out getting some of the flesh caught in his teeth. The Gerse Chief roared like a dying animal, fell sideways and hilariously lit his head, long hair, and pelt on fire thanks to the fireplace. Or... it was funny to me. I pointed at it and broke into uncontrollable laughter. Kotyan, after spitting out the flesh, also laughed. We watched him writhe around until the flames consumed enough of him, and Kotyan plunged his  _ dao  _ through the man’s neck, quipping “Be quiet.” 

“Who are you?” Suki asked, her foot on his head. “Who are  _ you _ ? Why’s a Kyoshi Warrior fighting with the barbarians?” the man responded, trying to wiggle his way out from her foot. So she swapped to holding his head down with her hand. “Are you Masanobu?” she jabbed a dagger at the ground next to his face. “Your men fight poorly,” she proclaimed, laughing at her own remark. I leaned in to get a chance to look at his eyes. His orange-brown eyes. He looked at me, so I twisted my head to the side so we’d be able to  _ see  _ one another from a similar perspective. “This your boyfriend? I thought the Kyoshi Warriors didn’t take such...goofs.” Suki giggled. That giggle made her loosen her grip for a moment, which let him  _ try  _ to roll away. Try. She  _ kneed  _ him in the small of the back, and that got him to stop. After yelping in pain, Suki again asked, now a bit less nice, “Are you Masanobu? What’s your affiliation with Alignak?”. The man’s voice was muffled as his face was shoved into the dirt of the ground. 

Nonetheless, he was able to blurt out “Yes! Alignak hired me! He hired me! Just… don’t...” She squinted and tapped her fingers against the small of his back, then the backs of his knees, then his shoulders. He fell to the ground like a wet mop rag. Kotyan was the quickest to ask-state“You chi-blocked him?”. Suki nodded.  _ Wow, I guess that Ty Lee training is for a good purpose _ .

“What are  _ you  _ doing up here?” she shook the puddle. “Why are you affiliated with the Gerse?” and I looked over at the man whose hair was on fire as his face became overcooked. This Masanobu scoffed. So, what does Suki do? Does she act according to the Imperial Laws on treating prisoners? No. Why would she? We’re not  _ in  _ the Empire. He yelped as she kicked him again. “He...he hired me. Chief Xai and I were friends! We… we fought the Zhag’yab way back! We’re… we’re going to-”  _ kick _ . One more scream. “We’re going to...get rid of the Zheng… before they can… unify the North!” “Why?” she asked, a newfound softness almost as piercing as his shrill cries. 

He shivered. “Alignak...I don’t know! I was hired by him!” “Who  _ else  _ was hired by him?” “I...I don’t remember!” this man’s voice begged mercy. He took a kick instead. Not from Suki, from Kotyan. “I… Alignak wants the North to be… turbulent… Alignak bought up most of us! He wants to get rid of the barbarians!” and this time, I got down on my knees and looked at him. Or rather, let him look at me. “But Chief Xai  _ is  _ a ‘barbarian.’” I pointed out, emphasizing that last word to appeal to him. “Chief Xai… he’s always been a good friend of mine! Mercenary under the North Fleet. We… we were going to back his claim to unify…” but he took another kick to the face, courtesy the Chief. “The rest of the Gerse army is marching west. They’re marching on  _ your  _ lands. They wanted to crush you. They’re marching west and they’re...okay!” and he begged “Okay!” a few more times. Kotyan kicked him once again. “How many more of you are there?” “We… we were gathering… the Xinjiagou...at the Si Gou-Yancun Pass...and the-” but Kotyan grabbed him, picked him up, and bashed his head once against the wall. “ _ You  _ gathered with the Kazarigs!?!” Kotyan yelled so vigorously that he was spitting all over the man. “The Kazarigs… we were going to come from the east… and them and Yancun from the South...Si Gou… Si Gou… the ridge. We’re...” but he broke into stumbling over his words and coughing out blood. Turns out that kick to the chest, again and again, wasn’t good for his internal organs. 

Lord Masanobu the Helpful gave us all the information we needed to know. And at one point he realized I  _ might’ve _ been the Emperor. And to me, he pleaded, “You have honor, Your Majesty!” He even said “I’ll become Your Majesty’s servant! I’ll kowtow!”. Here’s the thing, he  _ also  _ admitted to raiding Imperial villages in northwestern Zhenxing. We know this claim to be true because there were reports by Tu-Lu, Magistrate of Zhenxing, that ‘barbarians’ wearing red-and-black, capable of firebending, were attacking his frontier territories. They were passed off as the problem of the local garrison, as things usually are. As for Masanobu’s life? Here’s the  _ other  _ thing. We’re not in the Empire. My rules don’t count. So I turned around and headed for the door as Kotyan sentenced this man to death with decapitation. 

The Chiefs gathered outside the Great Hall. Kotyan gave them a speech, everything we just heard, but in their dialect. The union of the ‘Bastard Sons of the North Star’, the Kazarigs, the Gerse, and other mercenary bands. As he spoke, the Northern Lights came south and appeared in the sky above us, mocking us with their dancing presence.Kotyan concluded his speech with some command that took the Chiefs aback. I couldn’t make it out. 

After the speech ended and he dismissed them, he turned to us. “What was that command about?” I asked. “I told them we’re marching west.” Suki finished cleaning her knife and got up. “West to...where? Your home?” He nodded. “We’re not going to bury ourselves in the depths of the Gerse lands. If what this man said is true, then…” he took a deep inhale and an even deeper longer exhale.

“We must unify the Xishan tribes. Or we will die.”  _ But…  _ Suki pointed out what I was about to say. “I thought you said the Xishan don’t like unifying.” “They  _ don’t _ .” he frowned at the other Chiefs, looting the bodies of the dead firebenders.  _ The red and black armor? They’re Fire Nationals. The Hundred Year War ended, but they’re still soldiers. They sold themselves off to the highest bidder as men-for-hire.  _

“They  _ don’t  _ like unifying, but...they will be compelled…” he looked at the ground, then back over to me, “...to.” “How?” Suki asked, wise. “Tales are going to spread from what happened here. When the Xishan Coalition’s success is heard of, having destroyed a Great Hall and smashed a small of Ashmakers...others will hear of this. When they do, they’ll…” he paused, as if he choked up in his words, “...they’ll hear of how strong  _ I  _ am. They’ll flock to follow the Coalition. And… if they don’t. They’ll die.”

He strode off towards the gap in the palisades. “Rest up, Hayashi and Sai. Tomorrow, we’re going to go west again. We’re going to catch the Gerse and their allies! And we’re going to kill them all!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Unification War ends.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for the Xishan Tribes, part III:  
> -Mori uses the term geng like we'd say 'an hour or two'. In reality: Geng = 2 hours 24 minutes.  
> -Many of the tribes live in de jure Air Nomad territory. This just shows the dichotomy of what we see on a map (an land painted orange) versus real life (orange peaks, the rest colorless or brown or red-gray). This will come back in the future.  
> -Yes, most of the campaign has taken place at night.  
> -I can't stress how much I hate the 'you've got to see this' trope, and the 'hollywood tactics' trope.  
> -Real commanders, when possible, always learned of upcoming army movements. When they're told that information, it's not 'there's something you need to see', it's 'enemy army, half a mile ahead, marching column'.  
> -As for Hollywood Tactics:  
> -Mori makes fun of the Xishan for lacking a formation, but they're smart enough to use their terrain to their advantage.  
> -The enemy army is smart enough to form a earth wall for protection.  
> -The Xishan, as explained by their culture of headstrong charging, don't wheel around in flanks, they approach directly from all sides.  
> -The Xishan, as stupid as they are, softened up the enemy with arrows and taunts, only charging when the enemy took to the defensive.  
> -The Xishan are dynamic enough to use archers and infantry at the same time.  
> -The Kyoshi Warriors double as good spies.  
> -'The Siege of Caldera' is based on/inspired by the English lyrics of '55 Days at Peking' by the Brothers Four: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBO7dT44HKc ). The German version is far cooler. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rMbxmQmo94  
> -Maizuru, Tenri and Yamazoe are prefectures/provinces of the main island of the Fire Nation. They're also three names of clans from the main island.  
> -Yes, the men they attacked were Fire Nationals. After the war, soldiers became soldier-for-hire mercenaries.  
> -Yes, this was all written before Shadow of Kyoshi. It seems like both Yee and I had the same inspiration: the clans of the Sengoku Jidai (and Japanese history in general).  
> -I also hate the redshirt trope. I shouldn't need to explain why they're my most hated trope, but if you're new here (welcome!), it's because of plot armor. Plot armor is dumb. Soldiers/barbarians/what-have-you. If they're good at what they do, they won't die.  
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed.  
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, current Chief of the Zheng. Alias, Wuhan, Cpt. of the Imp. Metalbending Guard.  
> -Asalup, Kotyan's elder uncle. A Horn, or battle-priest of the Great Hunter.  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's younger uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother  
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia also have pronounced cheekbones, alluding to them being the parent (not cadet!) of the 'cadet' branch of the Zheng.===  
> -Aepak, an older man, Chief of the Majia.  
> ++Pangou:++ ===The Pangou are the most populist, their elite warriors wear furs dyed red and black===  
> -Irge, middle-aged, Chieftess of the Pangou. Wields twin axes.  
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou tend to be the only Xishan with brown hair===  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, Chief of the Si Gou  
> ++Zhag'yab:++ ===Zhag'yab adopted topknots for their hair style===  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, Chief of the Zhag’yab  
> ++Xainza:++ ===Xainza wear seashells on sealskin clothes instead of the usual fur===  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, son of Asayun, Chief of the Xainza  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.  
> ++Chatri+++ ===Chatri are a smaller tribe located to the south of the Zhag'yab.===


	62. Into the Far North: The King o' the Xishan!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Xishan Coalition faces the Gerse Coalition oncemore.
> 
> Kotyan makes a power play, Mori makes a mistake

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Eight:

It was along the Majia, up where it borders the Si Gou lands, that the scouts under Aepak ‘the Bold’,  _ I’d replace old with bold, but what have you _ , spotted the ‘assembled host’ of the new Kazarig Chief and his associated mercenary detachments. After the  _ rest  _ of his, well it wasn’t his two days ago, army left for a tea-break,  _ that’s a polite way of saying they died _ , at the First, Second and Third Battle of the Si Gou Foothills, this new guy chose to stake up his encampment at a strategically sound position. I know, the records are still out on what we’re calling them, but I’m all in favor of calling decisive battles anything but decisive. 

Unlike the last Chief, who thought ‘meadow surrounded on all sides by forested hills’ was a good place to stop, this one...chose better. Then again, I can’t fault the last Chief for being on the run and  _ thinking  _ he and his camp followers had escaped the ski troops. I also can’t blame my opponent for having all of  _ no  _ options in tactical positioning. We’re in the middle of an endless sparse forest with hills too steep to properly ascend and feet of snow all over the place. Even having a clearing is lucky enough as is. A meadow’s easy to have oversight of. Yup. He had  _ all  _ the oversight necessary, and watched us fall on him. Nonetheless, or rather none the better, this new Chief had more sense than the last one. 

On one flank, the raging torrent of the Majia River. On the other, forest unnaturally thick one would think we were down in Weinan or Gaolan,  _ note, are there actually trees in Gaolan or does everyone just pretend there are because that’s more of a steppe land to me, but maybe my definition of forest is wrong _ . To the Chief’s south, the thick forest encroached up against the river bank. Even if it wasn’t as thick, this Kazarig’s leading a mostly ski-less force. To  _ him _ , no, to  _ them _ , forests might as well be giant ‘you will not pass’ signs. The only way to approach this Chief’s encampment as a large force would be to come from the north, where the riverbank clearing goes as wide as a few hundred feet.  _ I only have one eye, so you’d argue I’m bad at this stuff. You’d be right, voice in my head _ . My companions were the ones that guessed that the clearing was that wide, er, thin. 

The history books like pretending that we all had this grand encyclopedia of knowledge in the moment. As if everyone’s just going to pull prose out of their pants and perfect mastery of terrain and calculations along with it. A few hundred foot wide meadow is nothing in the rest of the Empire. On Kyoshi Island, it’d be a close second for ‘widest stretch of cleared land’. Here, it’s jarringly wide. Far too thin for a rider-based assault,  _ but we weren’t using mounted men _ . Thin enough that he could shore it up with on-the-spot defenses.

I don’t know what he was thinking, and I mean  _ him _ . As he sat on the other bank, gnawing on a piece of meat, I watched him from my side of the bank. He was eating and acting like he hadn’t just sustained...well  _ he  _ didn’t sustain any defeats, but his army was shoddy. Now, one may ask, ‘how was it that he, a man with two good eyes, did not spot you?’. And that’d be a valid criticism. Except, of course, it was dark out.  _ Was _ . The southern stars were leaving us. Experience up here taught me that that meant twilight was upon us. Not that we’d see the Sun, there’s a giant mountain range to our south. It’s too close to even see the bands of blue.  _ If we’re fortunate, we’ll get a little blue _ . Anyways, I don’t know what he was thinking. 

From the little bits of information the mercenaries gave us before they met untimely early ends at the end of one man and his  _ dao _ , he was...depleted? I...guess. If I could shrug at that, I would. I mean, sure, this isn’t a populist rebellion where the moment you kill  _ one  _ blob of a hundred thousand men with their pitchforks, another blob comes over on the horizon. It’s an army that was chipped away like a potter sculpting a piece of pottery. Except the pottery went from good clay to hardened mud. That said, maybe it was the darkness, maybe it was something else, I could no longer resist the urge to yawn. So I yawned. 

I rested my arm on the soft snow beneath me, the chilling touch waking me back up. “How do they count time up here, Sukes?” “I don’t know.” the voice of my cousin responded, close enough I could feel her warm breath on my chilled face.“How long’s it been?” I asked while rifling the same snow with my hands. “Since?” she filled in the question for me. I forgot how cold I was. After awhile, you get used to it. Her remark made me rethink,  _ ah, I need to specify _ . “Since we last slept, Sukes.” She grabbed my off-hand’s shoulder and pulled me to face her. Well, the silhouette of her. I yawned once again. “Since after the Sun set...two days ago? Or...” she trailed that question off. An uncertain one. My response was just as confused. “Two sunsets ago? Or two sunrises? Or the sunset before last sunset? Or-” then I paused since I noticed her feeling my arm. 

“Still hurt?” she asked, giving it a tap or two. _Ow. Yes._ She must’ve noticed my involuntary wince because she fumbled through her bag, I think I heard a piece of pottery get broken against a tree, _why though?_ , and suddenly I smelled this...substance. It was a herbal combination that Asalup, yes, _that_ Asalup, had told Suki -through Kotyan’s explanation- about. _‘All my sisters know how to concoct it,’_ the Chief said, a day, or two, earlier. _‘It’s a good thing your sisters are back in the Zheng Great Hall, then,’_ I countered. _‘We all want to protect our sisters. Your little sister’s in a Great Hall of her own, right?’_. Suki and I had exchanged a look, then burst into laughter. _‘She’s always had a large room to herself.’_ I started and... _‘She probably would get the Great House’_ Suki finished. The two of us making fun of our spoiled sibling aside, Kotyan wasn’t wrong. _I wouldn’t want my younger cousin in the middle of nowhere in the lands of Xishan. Someone’s got to take up the mantle of Heir to the Island. Heir to the Line of Kyoshi. Preferably someone who doesn’t find themselves freezing to death in a forest in the middle of nowhere._ The distracting… fragrance… of the herbal remedy distracted me. It smelled like rotten peat mud, which may or may not have been a good sign. _At least my senses are still functioning_.

She switched to the quiet, albeit commanding, voice of hers. “Take off your overcoat.” and she prodded at my overtones. “Can you say that  _ any  _ more feminine, you almost sound like a-” I was interrupted by a  _ bit  _ of a shove for that.  _ Justified… maybe _ . Reluctant to admit defeat, I pulled off my coat while turning my head to face the encampment of people. The river, while frozen on top, was still quite active underneath, since the Majia is large enough to not properly freeze over.  _ Okay, fine, most rivers don’t freeze over, but the Majia was large enough that the running water could wash out, ha, the sounds of pottery breaking against a tree _ . As my warm insulated arm was exposed to the ice air, I, one, needed to distract myself from the mud, and two, let my sleep deprivation get to me. 

I thought out loud. “So we haven’t slept in two days? Or one day?” Her remark of “There’s no ‘days’ up here” spurred me to roll my good eye towards a torch. Not just any torch, the one next to the burly man gnawing at his meat-on-a-bone, as a point of reference. As always, she was all “ _Hold_ still” in a hushed tone. “I’m not six” I replied, also using a quiet voice. Nevermind the point, I did hold still as she cut the last set of wrappings off and applied the new stuff. “Why must it smell so terrible?” I pondered to myself, except sadly, out loud. Suki’s well-put reply? “No, that’s just you, you need a shower.” _Ha, very funny._ The cleverest response I had was “And you don’t need a shower?” . I would’ve squinted at her if I could. But I couldn’t. “I take showers every single _day_ ” she stated, sure of herself. _Day_. _Sukes you… must your jokes be so well-versed?_ I voiced an inner thought of mine. “But… but… I didn’t _see_ you shower yesterday-...well the last time the Sun was out!” Then I thought about what I said, how I said it, and slapped myself in the face. This made her giggle while also tightening her hold on my arm, since after all, she doesn’t want me to… I don’t know, _leave? Go swimming in the Majia River? That’s not out of character for me, I do like my ice swimming_. I wasn’t going to get off this question that _was_ bugging me all day, er, night. “It’s been two days, right?” “I guess.” the distracted Kyoshi Warrior replied as she did the sarashi wrap. The Sarashi Wrap is not the name of an operation. It’s just the description of what she was doing. 

While she wrapped my arm, I looked across at this man. All those tents… well they  _ looked  _ like a lot. There weren’t that many torches. The almost full Moon had set, but it’d rise again in like five  _ dian _ . The Moon operates...differently in the lands of the far north and far south. A long full Moon in winter, a long new Moon in summer. Here, it’d rise as soon as the not-risen Sun set. Wherever  _ here  _ was. It wasn’t like I could pull out a map and go ‘We’re in southern Yankou, a few  _ dian  _ by ostrich horse from Beixiao and half a day’s ride from the Junction’. Because, for one, last I checked Yankou does not have this much snow or Xishaners, and two, it’s the middle of the,  _ er _ , it’s early-early-morning. 

All I know is what Kotyan and Aepak told me. We’re in Majia and this  _ is  _ the Majia and somewhere to our south were the Zhenzheng Sky Peaks - _ Sky Peaks of the Zhenzheng? Zhenzheng Mountains? Who knows? Kotyan probably does. Too tired to ask _ \- and somewhere to our north was the Majia Coast. Maybe we were half a day from one, or maybe a full day from the other, or three-quarters of a,  _ wait, there are no days here _ … Maybe we were one distance from one or the other. Or halfway between. It didn’t help that most of our travelling happened at night and most of our fighting during the brief periods surrounding the ‘day’. At least during the day, I’d be able to look out from the nearest highpoint and go ‘oh that’s that place’. Also, there’s no landmarks. 

The nearest Empire town was somewhere.  _ Wait, I have a walking map… or kind of one _ , “Sukes, where’s the nearest Imperial position?” She paused her tying, “I’d guess either northern Nanta or the Fort.” Like a sober man with no whiskey for days around, I pointed at a random direction. “Nanta’s  _ that  _ way, right Sukes?” and she nodded, “Yes, I guess.” In reality, Nanta was to the southwest of us. It’s a couple days by ostrich horse, just ignore the cloud-crowned Northern Mountains. Or Sky Peaks.  _ Sky Peaks _ : a name that elicits thoughts of massive spike-like mountain tops. One of the most accurate titles I’ve heard.  _ Really, the title is growing on me _ . Not as much as how the pause in blizzards is growing on me. Or how I salivated when merely  _ looking  _ at that campfire. I mean, you could almost smell the embers from here. Granted, I’m a Kyoshi Islander so freezing to death is extra-hard, and I’m also fully clothed in furs at all times,  _ unlike right now _ , so freezing to death is extra-extra-hard. That didn’t stop me from practically tasting the cat-deer meats. Smoky smoky meats.

Back to this man, he appeared to be leading a sizable force. I mean, if someone looked across and saw a couple dozen tents scattered about, you would think it wasn’t that sizeable. Now, if  _ your  _ army was hunted for the past few days, honestly the only way I remembered was that the Moon rose and spun in a circle around us twice, at least, then the smart thing to do would be to...keep moving. And he was almost there. If only half his army wasn’t without skis, he might’ve reached the Zheng lands by now. I don’t know what he was thinking or  _ if  _ he was thinking. 

We had caught more than a couple, no,  _ many,  _ men who had fallen over and died from the cold. And in regards to our battles, again, the mercenaries weren’t the most expository. Even the ones that Suki tried her ‘interrogations’ on weren’t able to give up more than ‘we’re heading west’. I can’t fault whoever the commander is, or was, maybe his body lines a nameless glade in the lands of the Si Gou. That unknown commander was wise enough to not inform his lower ranked men of his plans. A good commander doesn’t have to. If he was  _ really  _ good he wouldn’t be lying in a snowy red ditch somewhere.  _ Was that a guy I hit with an arrow?  _ I didn’t remember. And the Tribals...the Kazarigs don’t seem to like talking. And the ones that might tend to get killed by Chief Sugr before they can. He’s not that happy at his neighbors burning his tribal hunting lands. The  _ last  _ Kazarig Chief had some sense to him. Was it sense? Was he just not as headstrong? He may not have had sense, afterall. He should’ve known that we’d be waiting at the Si Gou-Yancun border. Or… he would’ve had his scouts not all been picked off by Sugr’s. Had he been smart, he might not have been pulled over near Sugr’s own Great Hall by a feint. A feint that drove the uncontrollable parts of his army forward. A feint that cost him his life.

This new Chief. I like him. Race west, northwest, until you escape your pursuers, rest in a fortified position, and set out the next morning for your foe’s lands? Sack ten hunting cabins on the way for preserved meats? Ignore sieging a village for the sake of speed? That’s all good. It’s not the  _ best _ , but it’s understandable. It’s good tactics. Whoever he was, or rather, however wise he was, he sadly wasn’t that realistic. Having part of your army die from the cold is not the best of moves. Maybe he’s just used to leading other Tribals, or rather, ski people. Why didn’t he realize that we, people  _ with  _ skis, can easily follow him? Maybe he knew that. He looked tired. But now, he sat there, beneath a torch, ripping a piece of meat off a bone. 

“Your arm’s done being wrapped,” Suki helped me back into my clothes, and Suki also grabbed me and shook me a few times to “get up. We’ve got a battle to get to!” Her shake was pretty conveniently timed,  _ that, or she has good hearing, probably the latter _ , because a few  _ miao  _ later, a pair of skis came up behind us and on that pair of skis, the voice of Kotyan. “We’re going to ford the crossing south of here. You two coming?” and Suki and I got up. I put my feet into my skis. “He’s a bit tired.” she said, grabbing my chin and trying to make me speak like some sort of puppet. She tried to make me say ‘I’m a bit tired’ but it didn’t work. I admitted defeat. “I’m too tired for blade-on-blade.” 

After the last battle, or: When I managed to close my good eye while operating a bow and arrow, releasing an arrow into hopefully someone who was supposed to die,  _ probably just a tree _ , then taking a step forward and  _ tripping  _ on air, followed by a faceplant of snow… After  _ that _ , Suki  _ begged  _ me to go rest somewhere, like one of those hunting cabins in the Zheng lands. So I have nobody but myself to blame when I unsheathed an  _ arrow _ , not a  _ jian _ , and punched the air, declaring “I will see to it that my forces have finished their campaign!” While Suki did smile at this remark, she also mumbled regrets of ‘and now I’ve got to take care of you’. She wasn’t wrong. Who knew skiing with your good eye closed was a bad eye-dea. 

I mentioned how strategically genius this Chief’s position was, right? As with many things, I was wrong. Not...wrong, but misleading.  _ You mislead yourself, genius.  _ For, while in a pitched battle, he’d be defending one chokepoint, meaning his opponents could have a hundred men or a hundred thousand and they’d be forced into fighting on plains that were about twenty men wide, he only had one direction to defend. Worse of all, it widened as you went north, or another way to put it, the forest spaced itself out and became similar to the forests everywhere else up here. So, sure, he only had one direction he  _ thought  _ he had to defend, but it was far from advantageous. And he  _ thought  _ he outran us. He had crossed the river to the north and melted the crossing with some of his men’s firebending. He also probably thought, judging by his position -one direction, north, guarded; the other three ignored due to trees, trees, and a river- that the other tree,  _ tree? _ , two directions were too thick with my namesakes to maneuver in and that the Majia was too hard to cross. Before we could assess . If someone told me and my nonbender self to ford the ice-capped, fast-flowing,  _ wide _ Majia, I couldn’t do it. 

That’s why we brought along Kotyan, or Kotyan brought along himself, it’s unknown who technically brought the other.  _ I didn’t make him become Chief _ . Kotyan devised a plan, one that I’ll summarize. “The Kazarig Chief only expects us to approach from one direction, the unguarded north. That’s why he stationed most of the defenses there. We can come through the forests and hit him from north, west and south simultaneously. Ranged attacks from the woods to soften him, then classic ambush tactics to take the men by surprise. While we attack, the warbands on this side of the river can pelt his completely undefended eastern flank.” As my cousin said, “it’ll be like when we fought the Chin-backed  _ daofei  _ back home.” Kotyan raised an eyebrow, but just as quickly lowered it. “You told me that story.”  _ We did...back in the Omashuan Mountains, right? _ “The Kyoshi Warriors fought in the clearing, the ranged support hit the  _ daofei  _ from the other sides, protected by the forest. Three directions converged and drove the  _ daofei  _ into the sea.” Us two Islanders nodded. “The Kazarigs will never see us coming!” Kotyan cheered a quiet cheer. 

Suki commented on how “Folktale logic dictates that our plan will now fail” which made just Kotyan and I laugh. It’s rare to find a literate Xishaner. On the other hand, the three of us working in the service of the Empress have the privilege of access to the Imperial Archives. Chief Kotyan rightfully argued “But the plan won’t fail, it’s a military plan.”  _ It probably won’t _ , I thought. Folktales seem to be filled with ‘a person devises a plan and the plan fails’. The Archives feature no instances where it’s explained, from a storytelling perspective. From a poetic one, it’s ‘more heroic’ or ‘more dramatic’ if the plan that’s established fails.  _ How is it more heroic?  _ If a plan succeeds, doesn’t that demonstrate the competence of the planners? Even worse, the folktales that feature battles. So I guess the good side  _ has  _ to be stupid? When my life’s eventually given the folktale treatment, are they going to turn all these plans into failures or just cut the ‘so we spent time discussing plans’ out even though discussing plans is as important to a battle as all the _ dao  _ swinging and far, far, more important than individual heroics? One man doesn’t win a battle. Tactics and armies do.

As for crossing? He took us, himself, and about fifty of Aepak’s hunters -divided into three bands of fifteen, give or take a couple, not counting Aepak- and travelled ‘up’ the Majia,  _ up being south since the river originates in the Zhenzheng Mountains _ , to a point where the river was partitioned by a thin island in the middle. As the sky lightened, the blue south overtaking the pitch black coloring the whole sky a dark bluish hue,  _ or maybe my eye’s misbehaving _ , Kotyan dug out the snow that was at his feet and got on his hands and knees. He strained, crying out like an Empress when she goes ‘What!?!’ and is a few days before her moon cycle,  _ note, I’m so so dead for even saying this _ . And like an Empress, he was  _ going  _ to win. He cried out as the ground shook, did some smashing, crashing, and so on, and eventually a straight line of ice from our spot to the island cracked apart like glass. The cracking spread and the ice shattered, revealing a piece of the riverbed, still soaking wet. He had raised a piece of earth despite the strenuous weight of rushing water, and made it both a dam and a platform wide enough for us to cross. But he wasn’t done. Now, all it took was a few great  _ stomps  _ and the thousands of pebbles were paved once, then twice over, making it as smooth as a stone from the Imperial Palace Grounds. 

“How was it so difficult to do?” The man with no experience in bending asked him like this was some kind of daily hobby. “I’m  _ tired _ ...” and the Chief said the following between deep breaths, “And...the…  _ she _ taught me how to do that… but I never had a practical use for it.” Suki’s metaphorical glare of disapproval was enough for me to breathe a sigh of stupidity, self-reflective stupidity, into my fist.  _ Note to self, not everyone’s Toph. Note to self, Toph trains people in earthbending and metalbending. That’s kind of one of her favorite things to do. Stop forgetting it.  _ I don’t know why I was overthinking him doing this.  _ Because you’re an idiot?  _ I know why, now.  _ Because you’re an idiot _ . 

With the base, er, ‘main’ section of the walkway complete, Kotyan couldn’t help but one-up himself. He walked over to the middle of the ‘bridge’ and pulled an earth wall out of the ground. It went up to his waist and faced the south. “That’ll keep the water back for a little while” he said to us while he waved us over in a ‘Come on, who wants to kill a Kazarig?’ wave. So the people who weren’t me and didn’t have as interesting a backstory or were even named crossed before I did. Just… in case. _ If the dam broke, the unnamed characters need to die first, right? Wait, no the dams always wait until the named characters cross, unless the folktale is about them not crossing _ . None of that happened, since, you know, Kotyan knows what he’s doing. Despite having skis, it wasn’t as hard to cross as one may think. Just take the skis off, grab them with one of your two usable hands, or if you’re too lazy, tired, or are me, have a friend take them instead while also taking hers, and cross the first bridge. 

The middle island was a short walk across a grove of spruce and fir, and by the time I got to the other side of the river, the Captain of the Imperial Metalbending Guard had pulled the other ‘bridge’ out of nothing, well a river but nothing sounds more impressive, and allowed his cousin Tribesmen and Tribeswomen to cross. Aepak was the last to go and gave his fellow Chief a good whack in the back of the back for good measure.  _ Sure, by all means, hurt the man that’s our one verifiable back across this raging torrent. Genius. Us smart ones have to stay together. _

On the other side of the Majia, our large hunting band strapped our feet back into our skies and took to the age-old tactic of doing the pole-thing. With poles. As we poled our way through this, Suki remarked “you know, I thought this was thick from over  _ there _ -”  _ yes, thank you for the vague directions, you can’t even point can you _ , “but it’s much thicker on the inside. I must say, I like this.” She was quite right, save the smug part of her voice. This forest was strangely dense, that or we had spent far too much time in sparse spruce forest to remember that spruce-fir-pine mixed woods tend to be...woods. Not ‘one tree here one tree there’ in five to twenty five pace increments. And I agree, actual forests are much preferred to one-tree-every-commandery forests. Though, the latter has a kind of romantic ‘wild’ appeal to it. As for her uncontrollable snickering moments later, I did not understand why. “Why are you giggling like a schoolgirl?” I asked her, I wasn’t going to  _ turn around  _ and address her because the last time I tried to do that I got into a fight with my namesake. All I know is the tree won. “Forget what you heard,” she mumbled. Loudly mumbled. “What should I forget? You think it’s thicker on the inside and you like it-” and I left it there. I didn’t understand humor. As said, I like forests that are forests. 

Kotyan and his gruff voice spoke up from ahead of the two of us. “Is this about Prince Sokka?” he wondered aloud in a gruff voice. Suki’s voice was one of loss, of failure, of an attempt to hide something only to be embarrassed beyond belief. In a flustered, quiet, tone, she practically shouted a “ _ yes _ .” Then it hit me.  _ By Kyoshi…  _ “Suki, can you  _ stop  _ daydreaming about my cousin-in-law while we’re trying to kill a ethnic group?” “Fine. Fine. Sorry.” then her voice became one of wittiness, nitpicking and evil, evil semantics. “ _ But it’s not the day, is it? _ ” Now  _ I  _ slapped myself in the face. “Great Hunter, please give me a whiskey!” I shouted to the sky, specifically to the clouds that gathered to our northeast. I even did the hand-thing when we were climbing up a small rise and I didn’t have to worry about skiing into the next commandery. To answer my prayers, Kotyan informed us that “we… are about to arrive.” and in no time at all, we halted. The fifty of us were divided under the command of two of Aepak’s officers and himself. 

We came upon the edge of the woods and gazed out at the encampment. Now that we were much closer, they really  _ didn’t  _ have any kind of sentry system. Nobody was looking towards us. Fifteen of the hunters went northwest of us, ranging wide instead of direct to avoid the  _ chance  _ of being spotted while the rest spread themselves out along the western and southwestern parts of the forest. Lots of planning and movements later, we were ready. I even took out my bow and held it, beaming with excitement. So we waited for Kotyan’s command. And waited. When the sky got light enough that we could see their faces and they could see ours, Kotyan gave ‘the signal.’ What was ‘the signal?’ 

He took a stone javelin he had pulled out of the earth and carved into a javelin and hurled it as far as he could. Between his  _ really good  _ throwing arm, his rooted stance -he dug the snow out from beneath him- and you know, being a master earthbender, it’s no surprise that his javelin consumed most of the nearest sentry’s head.  _ Nock. Draw. Aim. Thwick _ . For my part, an arrow to a man who was walking around near his tent for an innocent morning stretch. At the same time, the rest of the forest erupted in a volley of arrows. 

Within ten or twenty  _ miao _ , almost no time at all, we released dozens of arrows into the few men we could see. People had five, six arrows sticking out of them when they fell. Or one large stone pillar to the upper body. Or both. Didn’t matter  _ where  _ it struck. The pillar would embed itself in someone and the arrows were a nuisance at best. The only man left standing who was standing was the Kazarig Chief and that’s because he hid behind a tent. Kotyan howled and ran out of the forest alone like some kind of hero. Some mercenary was just getting out of his tent, he had a good sleep, rising early for the new day-  _ and he’s gone _ . He woke with the goal of getting ahead in life. His wish came true, ironically. Such is what happens when you run neck-first into a  _ dao  _ swing. As for the rest of us? Some of us,  _ some of us  _ were more daring than others. Some of us. 

And after the first twenty-odd sentries ate a bunch of arrows, the next dozen men who were sitting out-of-sight,  _ so I’m not the only one with the seeing problem _ , appeared for their turn to die. But at this point, some of the hunters, one of the bands of fifteen to be in fact, the band of fifteen adjacent to us in extra fact, charged out of the woods axes and spears in hand. I pointed at them and made the Tu-Jia foaming at the mouth noises with my mouth. “No...don’t do it” Suki warned. So I put my bow on my back, grabbed my ski poles, and skied in. 

‘Ten Thousand Years!’, right? That’s how these things always go, right? As I got tent-side, I drew my  _ jian _ . I had a target in sight. Some mercenary was ducking behind a small rock escarpment, bow in hand. And he didn’t see me because he kept looking behind him to his left at the trees. When he’d get up, arrows would whizz past. He never thought to look  _ right _ . He was so good at not thinking that he only noticed me at the last moment, turning around as if to say ‘good morning’, albeit less politely, and instead finding his throat a gaping hole. I turned to the side to go after my next target. Then it hit me.

_ Thunk _ . I didn’t register the sensation at first. I just kept going. I parried a mercenary’s spear, he had a nice topknot complimenting his reddish-black tunic by the way, before digging my blade into his fur-only wearing side, turning the fur a new shade of red. Then I felt this strange pain in my sword-arm. Like... _ why _ is it there?  _ Why is my arm hurting? _ I didn’t think too hard about it, a bunch of morons were exiting a nearby tent. Me and these two other Majia men crashed into them before they could gather. Hack, hack,  _ slice _ ,  _ stab _ , hack,  _ slice _ , five dead men. 

Even further over from us behind a different row of tents, a bunch of archers were gathering. They started as ten, or so, men with bows. Then they stood and a flock of arrows migrated west for the winter,  _ that’s not how it goes anywhere but Omashu but okay _ , and struck one man twice, another man in the cheek, another in the neck and yet another in the upper shoulder-area. Somewhere nearby, a horn blared. These two Majia men were grunting and I decided to follow them as they went towards this archer line. Then it hit me again. 

_ Thunk _ . This time, the  _ thunk  _ took the wind out of me -I was skiing at the time- and I had to...pause. By pause, I mean stop and lean against a rock. I had to stop and go  _ ‘why is my torso hurting?” _ So I looked down and, get this, I had an  _ arrow shaft!,  _ sticking out of my torso. Who would’ve guessed, just because I can’t see someone doesn’t mean they can’t see me. Who would’ve guessed that battlefields are larger than just one’s peripheral. Likewise, I can’t see to the right, so someone was bound to have a free hit and, get this, did it. Because archers don’t wait around and let people like their enemies wander around. Someone, or two someones, got their hits in.

I looked over at the man preparing another arrow before he, in turn, took an arrow to the back of the head.  _ Wait what?  _ As it turns out, all those enemies didn’t take into account the  _ opposite river bank _ . This came at the same time as the sounding of a horn and the  _ ‘ooo-ahhh-ooo _ ’ warcry. A bunch of our hunters on the opposite river bank, their location unknown -thanks not-daylight- released  _ their  _ arrows into this… position… that… I’m… in.  _ Right.  _ An aside, this is part of why  _ explaining plans beforehand is a good idea. Is it really less dramatic if I knew they’d be attacking at a specific signal? No, it isn’t. I’m currently bleeding, I have enough drama, thanks _ .

“I’m a sitting turtle-duck!” I yelled at the sky. And so the sky delivered me… Suki. As always. She skied over to me while I opted to _sit down_ and _hide_ behind a tent. I wasn’t going to be stupid enough to get a _third_ arrow lodged in me. Suki made it over _just_ in time for the two of us to watch Chief Kotyan and Chief Nameless Kazarig the Second engage in ‘an epic duel.’ The Kazarig parried Kotyan’s weapon, sending his _dao_ flying off to the side with his oversized two-bladed axe. So Kotyan headbutted the Kazarig, stunning him for a moment, while _also_ pulling a metal strip out of his waistband, metalbending the strip into a spike, and jamming the spike into the neck of this Kazarig. It was so long it popped out the other side of his neck. So Kotyan grabbed the two ends of his spike-dagger and twisted it, snapping the Kazarig’s neck while also slicing a overkill-sized hole in his rival’s head. “I _hate_ Kazarigs” the Chief said before his obligatory noshing down on his foe’s throats. I don’t know why Kotyan loves tearing his hated Kazarig’s throats out, but I guess I shouldn’t bother asking. _Sure, why not._ That’s not terrifying. The rest of the battle raged on, but I wasn’t able to watch. Back in ‘the Emperor is a moron and got arrow’d twice’ land…

Suki pulled open the tent flap of the tent I was resting against, only for some man inside to go “Hm?” and Suki went, in a very polite voice, “Sorry, I need this tent, my cousin’s a bit too Kyoshian” before the man ate a couple punches. She returned, her hands covered in blood for absolutely no reason. She then forcefully dragged me - “I can walk”, “I don’t care” - into this tent before sweating  _ a bit  _ more than normal. “Why are  _ you  _ panicking?” I asked her, quite calmly if I do profess myself. “You could’ve died out there!” the Captain logically respond shouted. As for her sweating… my sleep deluded self had no idea why she needed to sweat. “Why are you sweating?” I asked while I felt her prod lightly at the torso shaft. “I’m… not sure of how to pull this out.” she responded, quite unnaturally panicked. “We’re going to need surgical tools…” and she choked up on her concern.  _ I feel fine, though _ . “I’m going to have to pull off your- no wait, I could just  _ slice  _ it off” and I didn’t understand where she was going with all this, but she was definitely going there. 

“Did you happen to see if you were hit with a stone arrow or a metal one? What was its width?” she asked as the fur around the shaft began getting  _ sawed  _ off by a dagger that she pulled from somewhere. Knowing that intensity, I’d say that was her backup dagger.  _ Also, did I happen to see? What?  _ Instead of asking how stupid she was for asking, a random idea hit me as the pain decided to take flight. “What are the arrows in my quiver? I took them from the Third Battle in the Si Gou Foothills.” and she took to placing the warmish blade hilt  _ -where was it kept that it was so warm?, I thought to myself _ \- on my now exposed-to-the-cold-and-open-air torso while reaching over to feel for my quiver. She pulled an arrow out and I heard a sigh of relief. “It’s a thin point. Armor piercing.” She then moved back to where I was lying, note, I couldn’t see her face or anything beyond a silhouette, this tent was partly see-through and it was light enough out that the tarp of this tent contrasted with the head of my cousin. Or the outline of her head. “Why is thin good?” I asked, now unnecessarily nervous because... _ thanks, Sukes _ . Her sigh turned to one of  _ worry, again _ . “Who am I kidding? We have no idea what you were hit with. We can’t pull it out.” 

“ _ Great _ ” I commented, preparing to bite down on nothing. I felt her warm hand touch the area around the suspected wound and move around.  _ Ow.  _ “Wait!” she shouted. “Wait? Yes? I’m here all day. Just slice my torso open and be done with it.” “The tip didn’t penetrate!” “That...explains why I don’t feel like I’m about to die.” She had cut around the arrow wound, but didn’t dare, you know, do something stupid like pull it out. What she had done was feel around to find out if it had penetrated or not.  _ It didn’t _ . 

The arrow and surrounding fur and she made a girlish celebratory noise before hugging my neck. The celebratory noise ended and became a professional -if compassionate- tone once more. “Any bleeding?” she asked, getting to work pressing on my torso with a sarashi cloth of some sort. “I have no idea” I honestly replied. I took my ‘ _ ow there’s an arrow there why didn’t I notice this earlier’ _ arm and reached up for her head. I felt it and… _ you’re even sweatier than before _ . She struck my hand to the side before going “Wait? Was that the arm that also took an arrow to it?” and I couldn’t do much more than go “I assume.”  _ Yes, lie. That’s a good idea _ . So she pressed down on my torso and once done with that, a fen of “I’ve got to tie this around you” before she declared me “Not dead, yet” and moved on, physically, metaphorically and healing-wise, to my arm. “You should really stop getting into these situations” “Oh, if only all of us were perceptive of all directions all the time” I countered her nonsense with mine.

She took her warm dagger and cut the surrounding fur off. Then, once again, she placed her hand on the surrounding skin, I winced, she shook, then she found the arrow and optimistically declared “I feel the tip!” as if that’s going to help me. As she felt it, I bit down and sounded far less manly than I wish I had. “The tip is in you, that’s it!” “How do you know?” “The rest of the broadhead got stuck in your fur.”  _ Broadhead _ . “Give me something to bite down on.” but instead of doing that, she just removed the fur and arrow. To help me through the process, I grabbed her other, comforting hand, a bit too hard and made her yelp as if to say ‘don’t grab my hand so tightly’.  _ Then don’t offer _ .

“Try not to get impaled anymore, alright? I might have to resort to the sarashi I’m  _ wearing _ .” and she ruffled my long hair for me since she couldn’t do anything physical like punch my chest, for obvious reasons. We had a moment of sibling banter while I sat up and she finished the arm-tie. “You shouldn’t have charged them” she proclaimed, like some kind of authority. So I, an actual authority, hit back. “I’m a world leader, what kind of world leader  _ doesn’t  _ charge?” “The living ones”  _ Fair… but _ “How many living ones are there, Sukes?” “A bunch.” “And do they have fancy bending powers?” and I punched the air in front of me. I didn’t even realize the anti-point I had just made. “Or are they like me. And you. And me?” Her giggling was a nice break from our hushed tones. “I think the ones with ‘fancy bending powers’ live” and her mockery of my voice was  _ spot on _ . Better than my actor-sake, Hayashi, any day of any week of any month of any year of any time ever. 

“So...I’m the One-Eyed Badgermole. Charging is in my blood.” “It’s in  _ my  _ blood too, you don’t see me doing that.” and I sensed she was scoffing at my stupidity underbreath. I wasn’t going to let her ‘intelligence’ win out. “Except you  _ did  _ charge to rescue me.” “I might’ve got my knife a bit bloody because some mercenary’s skull was just too...open, but it’s not my fault he tried to run at you.” I metaphorically rolled my useful eye. “So? Point is, we love charging.” Her tone changed towards one of unwilling-to-say-it. “I  _ could’ve  _ lost you.” “Maybe. Maybe not. Tell me, is the man whose blood is currently staining this tent, no not me the guy a few Consort’s feet over, does he happen to have whiskey on him?” “I’ll find out, do what I told you and stay still.” “It’s hard not to.”

For some reason, the answer to this inquiry required the sound of a piece of pottery being smashed against what  _ sounded  _ like a sack of meat. Then the sound of something being unflasked. “Yes!” she declared in bliss of a personal achievement. In a pretend noble voice, “Have at it then, your ‘ _ world leader _ ’ commands you.” and I held out my hand while she placed the whiskey flask in it. “Is that what Toph tells you when you’re in the bedroom?” she asked while I took to guzzling down the  _ sweet sweet nectar of life-giving pleasure, ahh I missed you so much. _ Then I heard what she said and almost choked on the liquid I was drinking. 

In a much higher-pitch-than-appropriate voice “Toph does  _ not  _ say that!” This high-pitch retaliation was comedic. I guess. Why not. “Does she get all hands-on-hips and demand that if you  _ don’t  _ pet her hair while she pretends to be asleep, she’ll toss you out the window?”  _ Stop being invasive, my personal bodyguard whose job it is is to be invasive _ . “She’s too tired for that. Also, no, it goes-” I tried to imitate Toph’s voice, “‘-if you don’t pet my hair I’ll make you do pushups while I sit on your back-’” then went back to my normal tone, “-and then she does it anyways… So I can’t really complain can I?” and Suki burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“Is  _ that  _ where your arms came from?” and she prodded my less-injured arm.  _ Less-injured. What is this, a competition of stupidity? Also, don’t answer yes.  _ “Yes.” I answered. “I’m  _ proud  _ of you. No, really. You’ve got strong arms. I hear Kyoshi did, too.”  _ Yes, yes, compare me to my ancestor, fellow blood of my ancestor.  _ “When you’re done doing the nobleman’s seduction, do you want to give some  _ better  _ choice of comments?” I heard her cackling laughter. “Yes! I should try making Sokka do that with me.” I wasn’t going to let her win this. “But you’d reward him with  _ kisses  _ because you two  _ love  _ your oogies” and I stuck my tongue out to emphasize that. In a much ‘angrier’,  _ pretend anger _ voice, she countered “No, I’ll ask Toph for how she rewards you and do one half of that.”  _ Half?  _

“So...you mean you won’t make Sokka’s chest sore and only lie on his chest _half_ the night?” Suki’s silhouette crossed it’s arms. “She doesn’t reward you with a shoulder punch or something? Huh. You should _stand up_ for your rights more.” _I’m sorry, what?_ I was quite unsure of myself when I asked “Stand up to Toph and, what, insist one shoulder punch per every time I finish massaging her elbow-length hair?” Suki had this ‘Yes!’ attitude to her, like all that Kyoshi Ethics was paying off right now. “You’re going to be giving the Empire an heir one day, you’ve got rights!” I felt… inspired by that statement of hers. Not because I looked forward to that, I couldn’t really look forward to _anything_ , I’ve got one eye. No, my sleep-deprivation was taking her statement as a joke. So I pulled a formal speech-giving voice out. “Ah yes, please, people of the nations, remember me for _that_ and not for _this_.” “You’d rather be remembered for taking an arrow to the arm and torso because you weren’t drunk enough than being the father of one of the greatest earthbenders of the generation?” _Huh?_ “How… _yes_. Of course. _And you say that as if being a nonbender is bad_.” But I should’ve realized she was taking this even less seriously than I was. And I was discussing _heirs_ for Kyoshi’s sake. That’s how I knew I was sleep deprived. That and being unsure of how many days, _days_ or ‘days’ we’ve been not-asleep. 

Then she hugged me. And I happily received her. “Please, please, wait with the stupid charges until we get you in some Imperial Armor again.” and she tapped my chest in a spot that hadn’t yet been set on fire  _ -see Shinji- _ , stabbed  _ -see, a bunch of occassions that I forgot possibly relating to drunks, kitchen cutlery and an assassination plot or thirty _ \- or impaled with a crossbow or some kind of ranged weapon  _ -see, recent campaigns against minor ethnic groups- _ . With all this in mind, I asked “Why? So then I have  _ actual  _ armor for the sake of my Pu-On Tim character, Hayashi, to then have plot armor?” She tapped my chest. “Exactly. No monarch should die from some random arrow. That’s dumb.” 

“Hayashi’s too busy-” I was going to say ‘being incompetent at anything’ but I was interrupted by her. “Too busy being held up by Her ‘I have needs’ Majesty.” I was about to shriek from the name but instead calmly raised a finger and replied “Did you  _ have  _ to point it out like that?” to which she chuckled. “That’s from one of the latest posters.” I was far too sleep-deprived for this. “ _ Needs _ ? Are we confusing the Princess of the South and the Empress?” I sensed her slight laugh. This meant something to her.  _ Is that the exhaustion kicking in? Maybe _ … Whether or not it meant something  _ good _ , I do not know. “This is Pu-On Tim. If it’s a woman and she’s not me, she’s apparently only thinking about one thing.” I threw a guess out. “Is it world piece?” Her answer? “It’s not world peace.” “No, Sukes, I said world  _ piece _ .” “No...it’s not that, either.” Then she wondered “How often do people mishear you when you say that?” I thought about it for a  _ miao _ and came to the conclusion “Not that common. I think the Fire Lord made that mistake on the day of his coronation.” 

The second guess hit me like an arrow and my torso and inspired a question. “Wait, so the one young woman who  _ is  _ in a… ahem, oogies relationship… is the passive one and everyone  _ else  _ isn't?” The Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors breathed out like she was going to confess something. “Listen, I can’t explain  _ why  _ the people, and Aoma, are so obsessed with seeing plays about our two favorite Imperials doing Imperial things, but...that’s that.”  _ Oh, so she did confess something _ . “Wait, Aoma, our Aoma, is…” I took a long breath, “You know what? Why should I bother?” and I stopped bothering. Suki didn’t. “You should. Her room is full of these play posters. You should  _ see  _ it sometime. All kinds of romantic poses, battle scenes, all of them are advertisements for plays. Some, they’re even barely dressed!”  _ Right, right… great _ . “It’s times like these I’m glad I have one eye.” She snickered. “Half the trouble?” “Half the nonsense. Double the whiskey pleasure.” Our start of ‘silent hugging  _ geng _ ’ was only a ‘silent hugging  _ fen _ ’ because the tent flap burst open and someone mumbled something in a Zheng’s dialect. I think it was ‘Chief of Kyoshi is here’. Then someone else said something else in a Zheng dialect, ‘Summon the Chief’ I think, and half a  _ fen  _ later the voice of Kotyan made itself loud and present and happy. “I only killed twenty-five people today! How are you two doing?”

What a way to kill the mood. We’re just trying to chat about heirs and Pu-On Tim and my cousin’s weird second-in-command and this man pulls open a flap and tells us his kill count. “Let me guess, you ripped  _ two  _ throats out?” I asked as Suki turned around to let me ‘look’,  _ ha, _ at the silhouette of Kotyan. “Three. Last one was tougher than the others. That man… his neck was quite tanned.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Right, right, of course” I justified it. I rubbed my face. “ _ What  _ does this have to do with the battle? Did we win?” and Kotyan stomped the ground. “Yeah we won!”  _ Yay us. Great. Can you please let the two of us continue chatting about nonsense _ . Suki lied back and yawned, I took it she was as tired as me but just less whiny.  _ Or maybe she’s got a personal journal and it’s where she goes to complain?  _ “So, you want to go back to discussing Aoma’s personal-” 

I interrupted her to yell “Nope. Kotyan, let’s go!” and I threw my cousin off and tried, desperately, to clamber out of the tent. Suki handed me my scabbard, I slung it over my shoulder,  _ like I’m going to use you, or you,  _ metaphorically gesturing to my  _ jian  _ and it’s accompanying simple sheath. As I walked out I noticed Kotyan looking at my torso. “What? Do I have something on my torso?” and in that moment, all the intoxication, formerly known as ‘discussing heirs’ drowned out the realization that I  _ might have  _ suffered an arrow wound there. “You… what happened to your torso? Or your arm?” and one of the Tribesmen mumbled something. “An arrow? Two?” he grabbed my other arm with enough strength to pop the shoulder, but didn’t, and thrust my fist into the air with his. “This man! He is a Chief!”  _ I’m just tree-man, though.  _ I wasn’t going to say no to that, or Suki’s associated grin. 

When everyone was done cheering, beating their chests, howling, and so on, I looked Kotyan in his right eye and went “Now what? We sit around until the next army of people that don’t like us show up?” He shook his head. “We’re going to host a feast! And in that feast, I’ve got a special… proposition, for the other Chiefs!” I didn’t know if the vague-ness of his statement should concern me, or the whole ‘let’s not say anything now and save it for the surprise reveal later’. So as he walked, er, poled himself away, I yelled out “Wait!” and sure enough, the Captain halted. “Yes?” he asked, respectfully. “You and me. This tent. Espionage chatter.” and I pointed at Suki for  _ absolutely  _ no reason. Kotyan was all ‘what are you on about?’ and Suki was all “oh he hasn’t had enough to drink to _ day _ .” Then Kotyan returned and knelt next to the entrance of the tent. I knelt, too, since my knees and legs hadn’t been hit with arrows, yet.  _ Yet _ . “What do you need?” he whispered to me. So I whispered to him “What’s with this ‘feast’ thing? Can we maybe not do surprises?” and he groaned. “Fine...I was thinking of declaring myself a King of all the Xishan Tribes.” 

See, that’s why you don’t keep things secret until they can be dramatically revealed and destroy other people’s… I don’t know, _ulterior motives?_ _Is it ulterior if it was the objective, assigned by the Imperial Tutor, of coming up here?_ “Right, at what point do I get my pelt for my betrothed?” He pointed at the trees. “Trees. Yes. You _want_ to help me out here?” and he rolled his eyes, clearly my insanity wasn’t strong enough for him. “Back at the Zheng Great Hall. Your pelt should be done.” _Oh. Good_. 

Instead of asking more about the King business, I was curious about my betrothed. “Did I kill an extra-large moose-lion by any chance? It’d be, in her words, ‘sweet’, if I came back and as it turns out killed some legendary beast.” He  _ laughed _ . Rare for a Zheng man to do. “What? No. You put an arrow in an average moose-lion. Nothing special. Just an adult male moose-lion. Big pelt, sure, nothing to write about.” I knew he was speaking with a flair for the Imperial, but I like writing with a flair for the Imperial. “What if I already had intentions to write about it?” He replied with a flair for the non-Imperial. “You’re wasting ink.”  _ Too late. My battle will go down in history. My history.  _ Looking at Suki, for no reason, reminded me of the whole King business. __

I backed up the conversation. “So you want to go ‘hey, I know all of you hate kowtowing but I’m your King now’ and...expect them to listen?” He nodded. “Why not? We’ve had Chief-of-Chiefs before. A strong man or woman is what’s needed to lead them. I would think I’m a strong man.”  _ Makes sense, you’re a metalbender and single handedly killed other Chiefs in one on one duels _ . “I’ll just be Chief of Chiefs, renamed. One higher.”  _ One higher...wait,  _ “Did you get this idea from a certain plucky young earthbender who invented her own titles because she got bored while sitting on a red cushion in front of a really  _ hot  _ wall?” Just as defeated as Suki when we caught on to her euphemism, he went “ _ yes _ .”  _ Ha!  _ “I’m proud of you. Let’s go celebrate, hopefully not prematurely!” and he punched the air.. 

So we set off. Whoever this Kazarig Chief was, we’d never know. Just… some guy. I’m sure he had a fascinating tale of political backstabbing  _ wait no they don’t do that up here _ or political marriages  _ wait no I don’t think they do that up here _ , or a expansive military campaign,  _ wait no, expansive to them is small to us _ , or...well I hope he had an interesting life. Not that it matters. The former Chief tried to get north then southwest and died and he led what was left of his forces against the Zheng expecting to…  _ I don’t know? _ , catch our  _ mobile  _ army of hundreds off-guard? He forgot how each village has a large number of garrisoned men, not to mention the militia, or the women. But that’s his problem. And he’s dead now.

As for his mercenaries? As one can tell, nobody got around to interrogating them. Which… is not good. It’s always a good idea to try and get as much information from one’s opponents as possible, lest they gain the upper hand. Knowledge is knowing your opponent’s moves many moves in advance. Which, in the case of our campaign, was why we knew everything that was happening.  _ Scouts _ . Where was I? Right, partying. 

Say what I will about the Zheng and the other Xishan, they sure know how to celebrate. We returned to the main Zheng ‘almost a town’ and over  _ there  _ at one end of the ‘courtyard’, the three ostrich horses still sat, er, stood, tied to their posts. Oh, and of course, there was a massive mob of women who were happy to see their brothers, cousins, husbands, unaffiliated but want to be men, among others, return from a campaign. The other Chiefs left their retinues outside out of respect to Kotyan and his town. Meanwhile, inside the Great Hall, a  _ great  _ feast was set up. 

I don’t know if the Zheng possess the provisions for a hundred ‘great’ feasts or not, this feast  _ felt  _ like it had less luxurious foods, like bread, and more ‘common’ food like berries and shrubs and hunted game. And some fish. Suki and I were given seats to the left of Kotyan, much as we were not-so-long ago. The halls were packed with Chiefs, some of their brothers or sisters who joined them on campaign, and most of the Zheng warriors.

Seated from Kotyan’s right to Suki’s left: Kopyak, the Horn Asalup, the Horn-in-training Uzluk, the eldest sister Akgul, some woman feeding her baby with milk and... _ right, don’t think too hard about that _ , that one creepy ‘young’ woman who makes me think of Ty Lee, Gundes, her adorable younger sister who is somewhat terrifying when she pulls out a sewing needle, Sirin, Aepak of the Majia and his long beard and pronounced cheekbones, Sugr of the Si Gou and his...brown hair, the mute Girgen and his  _ really big blade _ , the Lady of Axes, okay actually her name is Irge and she’s of the Pangou, Sotan of the Xainza and his  _ fishy  _ clothes of sealskin, and Vachir of the Zhag’yab and his topknot. That’s just the old group. New to tonight! 

Continuing the gathering-around-the-fireplace: A black-haired, short-bearded man, Etrek, Chief of the Ansai and a green-eyed, short-haired, long-bearded young man, Sevenc, Chief of the Qiugou. Then, there was a bunch of Chiefs who had come from other tribal lands who  _ didn’t  _ fit in this circle of Chiefs because there was not enough space. They included Chief Cilbu of Weiyi Shinjian, he helped us spring a trap on the former Kazarig Chief’s forces by raiding his rearguard while we fought at the Si Gou-Yancun ‘Pass’. This was my first time seeing the mustached’ man in the flesh and, save his laughter -I don’t know what story he was telling but it  _ sounded  _ amusing- echoing through the hall, he was an unknown to me. I mean, he was reliable, so there’s that. This group of Chiefs also included Chief Borc of the Qingjie. His land is reputed to be mostly bogs, whether or not his hair just  _ happens  _ to be the same color as brown, muddy water, is unknown. He’s also quite thin, strange as most of the Chiefs present were burly and stocky. That said, his lands have supposedly never been invaded… for long. 

Two others were present here who, like Cilbu, were part of our ‘coalition’ if it could be called that: Chief Koza of the Drongnyen, a long black-haired man wearing sealskin, who looked to be of Kotyan’s age with more scarring. And Chief Atrak of Chatri, what little I know of him suggests that he’s a Horn, much like Asalup. I don’t know where his facial hair went or why his eyebrows are the width of my fingers,  _ no, I didn’t measure _ , but...sure. Sure. Why not. As long as those eyebrows don’t pop out and stab me, we’re good. Yup.  _ Oh, and there were these two other Tribes from Ansai and Qiugou lands but they were too lazy or preoccupied with responsibilities to show up _ . 

With the tables set and all the stolen goblets -I mean,  _ liberated  _ from Imperial positions- poured full of liquid substances that smelled delicious and tasted thirst-quenching,  _ by Kyoshi if you reveal that the secret ingredient is actually...cloud milk, I’ll… and that’s how you delete an appetite,  _ we could start our feast. There was no grand toast, everyone just began eating and drinking as they wished. 

The twelve Chiefs and their families, because each of these Chiefs had a brother or sister who also came with them, took to socializing. I was expecting Kotyan to do some hero pose and propose something, but...he sat there for the first  _ dian  _ or so, chatting with his brother and uncles about the war we just fought. Now, I believe that it’s solely  _ my  _ job to deliver exposition on battles, and also there’s nothing to write about, so I ignored most of their statements. Short story long,  _ I don’t know if that’s how that works _ , Atrak was an anointed Horn and Koza, after the fighting he’d seen, wanted to join. As with any sensible organization, there was no ‘you can’t marry’ rule if you join this order of Battle-Sages or Battle-Shamans. Of course, you’ve got to  _ battle  _ and also be a sage or shaman, but I hear some Clear Whiskey and or cactus juice can help with both of those. And also, generic whiskey. The more I listened, the more it seemed like all of these Chiefs, the ones Kotyan would helpfully translate, or whose dialects were understandable, were well-attuned with The Great Hunter’s religion in one form or another. 

The difference between Horns and not-Horns is Horns have specific incantations to grant their followers blessings. They can commune with the Spirits, to some degree, to draw portends and be granted strength from the Spirits of their ancestors. And they use their skills to draw omens from natural occurrences. Horns commit themselves to a more existential discussion on  _ what  _ The Great Hunter is and how He appears to those who believe whereas non-Horns just accept the prayers, think they’re killing the right people because  _ their  _ belief is correct, and exchange some chatter about omens and portends and green dancing carpets and meteors and all that. At some point, all of this was enough for me. I slunk back against my chair, a belly full of caribou-deer tends to do that, and fell asleep. I was awoken, a few… who knows how long later, by… 

A runner barging through the door. A  _ runner _ . Panting and hyperventilating, the war-painted man  _ collapsed  _ before he could make it to Kotyan or the rest of us. As expected, people drew their blades and pointed at this man. He coughed a hacking cough before getting to his hands and feet and looking up at Kotyan and his  _ dao _ . “What is it?” the Chief asked, like a voice of an elder. “The...Waterbenders! Invasion! The River of Majia!” was all he said, and even that was enough for me to understand. This man slumped, coughed again, and combined his face with the ground beneath it. Was he dead? Was he alive? We didn’t know. The chatter that had warmed our hearts as the food warmed our stomachs was  _ gone _ . Like  _ that _ . Like all the air of the room was sucked out and a chill was put in it’s place.

“Waterbenders?” I looked at Suki, my jaw dropped? No. It went  _ into  _ the floor. Her first words? “This… this is… this is an Imperial matter!” she shouted, regardless of where we were.  _ She’s right.  _ I spun around, got out of my seat, and grabbed Kotyan’s wrist. “You… this… this is a matter above all of us.” was how I phrased it. He couldn’t respond. His face was pale. His eyes sank into their skull. That was all. So I turned back to Suki. “We… we need to get  _ out  _ of here.” but before I could grab her, or her I judging by her face, a new voice took  _ control  _ of the room.

“Brothers! Sisters! Long have we suffered!” Aepak, of all people, took to standing in the middle of the aisle and pointing his dagger at the dead-faced Kotyan. He proceeded to give a speech in a dialect that I could barely make out. I heard words like “Bastard Sons of the North Star!” and “Only together!” but many other words that… who knows. I looked at Kotyan. Then I looked at him again. He had seen a ghost. I grabbed him, ignored the pain from the tensing of muscles, and shook him. I screamed “Get control of yourself,  _ Captain _ !” into his face.

He did that face-vibrate thing and life returned to his eyes. I was  _ so  _ locked in to shaking my Captain that I ignored the room standing up and chanting. He vibrated, looked at me and my one good eye and my not-as-good eyepatch, then past me and at the rest of the room. I took a side-step to let him listen. Part of that side-step was a whisper to him. “This  _ is  _ an Imperial matter. Remember your orders.” Kotyan ‘Wuhan’ Zheng did  _ not  _ forget his orders. He turned to me with a face of bewilderment. I wasn’t about to apologize for what I said,  _ it’s the truth and you know it _ . No, no, I overestimated. Whatever fog addled his mind… it left him. 

“They want me to be the Chief of Chiefs. Because… the waterbenders… because of the waterbenders.” and the crowd kept chanting. He explained more. “And if we don’t come together as one people, we will go extinct.” I was a bit suspicious of rulers being installed. Besides, Toph only gained her power because someone more powerful made her the monarch, assuming disaster would follow shortly. 

“Why you?” I asked. “I can metalbend. They’ve never seen that skill before. They don’t even have a way of calling it. They call it ‘Makes Metal Sing’. I had disappeared south and returned. I’m...apparently ‘the most fearsome fighter’ since Gundes the Third, the last Chief of Chiefs. I…” he staggered, taking in their chants and statements and needing time to digest it all. “I...did what no Chief could do, I brought together the Halls against the Gerse and the Kazarigs… I...” I put a hand on his shoulder. “Enough.”  _ You’ve convinced me _ .  _ And these are the Xishan. They’re all men and women of their words. As you’d say, there’s no politics up here _ . “ _ You can do one better _ , Captain.” 

He grinned like the Empress. He pulled his  _ dao  _ out and that shut the entire crowd up. 

“I name myself King of the Tribes! King of Beishan and Xishan! King of the Sixty Halls! King of the Xishan!” and… the world held its breath. Would these people kill Kotyan for such a title? The people who have  _ never  _ kowtowed? No, of course not. Because they  _ don’t  _ kowtow, they choose their rulers. And today, they chose their Chief. Their Chief of  _ all  _ of them.

The crowd chanted “Kotyan! King of the Tribes! King of Xishan!” 

“King of the Tribes! King of Beishan and Xishan! King of the Sixty Halls! King of the Xishan” 

“King of the Tribes! King of Xishan!”

“King of the Tribes! King of Xishan!”

“King of the Tribes! King of Xishan!"

“King of the Tribes! King of Xishan!"

“King of the Tribes! King of Xishan!"

Now that’s how you make an alliance. 

Now, for the wars to come. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Spirits come out to play...
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for the Xishan Tribes, part III:  
> -I chose to keep The First, Second and Third Battles of the Si Gou Foothills as something talked about, but not seen. This was my test to see "How much of a campaign could I reference without any flashbacks"  
> -Mori being sleep deprived impacts his fighting capacity.  
> -Kotyan didn't rush west because he's a brutal commander, he marched (skied) west because of the necessity to fight and win before more reinforcements show up.  
> -In lands with Midnight Sun/Polar Night, the full moon's only up for an hour or two during the summer and only sets for an hour or two in the winter.  
> Plans:  
> -On my campaign to point out and bash tropes, 'plans must fail' is one of them. Planning only takes a few sentences (or a half a minute of screentime) max. The 'plan explained over actions' is a fine substitute. It's the "we're going to spend 3 minutes/a paragraph or two laying out a complicated plan" and then finding out said plan fails that annoys me. Mori's well read in tropes, so part of his recordkeeping is him calling them out (sometimes as jokes, sometimes not).  
> -Why bother? What's the point of establishing a smart military commander (same could apply for, let's say, a smart criminal) if said person's plan backfires immediately or 'just at the last second'? You subvert the expectations, but at what cost?  
> -It would've been really easy to write this chapter's insignificant battle as 'the trio' coming up with a plan that fails. Mori would still get injured. But if I did that, then it makes Kotyan and Suki look like idiots. If Mori gets himself injured, then the other two maintain their status. I'd rather have smart characters make the surface-level story (not counting political intrigue) 'boring' than deliberately undermine myself.  
> -I also hate the 'if we can't see it the characters' can't' trope. Battles are big and spread out. Even skirmishes. If someone spots Mori and has a chance to hit him, you think they're going to go 'no, he's a named character?' NO!  
> -The kind of fur clothes Mori and the rest are wearing aren't a single layer of fur. It's dense padded fur.  
> -Unless it was tracked, there's no reason why Mori (or anyone) would kill a 'legendary' moose lion. So Mori didn't. The 'main character kills famous beast' is also a trope I resent.  
>    
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed.  
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, KING O' THE XISHAN!, King of the Sixty Halls! 'He Who Makes Metal Sing'.  
> -Asalup, Kotyan's elder uncle. A Horn, or battle-priest of the Great Hunter.  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's younger uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother. New Chief of the Zheng.  
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia also have pronounced cheekbones, alluding to them being the parent (not cadet!) of the 'cadet' branch of the Zheng.===  
> -Aepak, an older man, the Chief  
> ++Pangou:++ ===The Pangou are the most populist, their elite warriors wear furs dyed red and black===  
> -Irge, middle-aged, the Chieftess. Wields twin axes.  
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou tend to be the only Xishan with brown hair. They're the 'gatekeepers of Xishan' for guarding the main north-south pass===  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, the Chief  
> ++Zhag'yab:++ ===Zhag'yab adopted topknots for their hair style===  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, the Chief  
> ++Xainza:++ ===Xainza wear seashells on sealskin clothes instead of the usual fur===  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, son of Asayun, the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++ ===Lives in the mountains===  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.  
> ++Chatri++ ===Chatri are a smaller tribe located to the south of the Zhag'yab. They have giant eyebrows.===  
> -Atrek, the Chief. A Horn like Asalup.  
> ++Ansai++ ===The Ansai are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan.===  
> \- Etrek, the Chief  
> ++Qiugou++ ===The Qiugou are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan. They have green eyes.===  
> -Sevenc, 'The Young', the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Shinjian++ ===The W.S. are a small tribe spread out across their respective foothills SW of the Si Gou===  
> -Cilbu, the Chief.  
> ++Qingjie++ ===Mostly live in bogs, prefer long matted hair, lanky===  
> -Borc, the Chief.  
> ++Drongnyen++ ===Minor tribe near Xainza. Also wear sealskin===  
> -Koza, the Chief.


	63. Into the Far North: The Frolicking Spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King of the Xishan makes preparations for war.

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Nine:

_ War _ . I’ve met so many officials to whom the word is a foriegn as fire flakes. There was this war that lasted a hundred years, but how many of them were personally impacted by it? The Empire currently has something like two hundred million inhabitants. Probably far more. The higher in the Rings, the less likely you felt it. Once, their city was invaded, I mean  _ really  _ invaded, and the far-distant conflict that never impacted them became relevant. There was no war in Ba Sing Se, after all. The rest of the continent could burn, but as long as their  _ siheyuan _ s kept up their perfect hedgerows, a Fire Nation flag could fly over the Badgermole Throne’s Palace for all they cared. Sure, sure, they’ll tell you how their second and third sons went off to the Imperial Army. ‘They served’. But in reality their sons are serving in a cushy job in the Upper Ring’s Home Guard, which...yeah sure, save the occasional time someone’s dumb enough to try and rob a  _ mansion _ … no. The Upper Ring’s Home Guard,  _ not the Army of the Center, the Home Guard _ , don’t do anything. They have nice outfits and they sure can march in lockstep, but all their training was as antiquated as their experience was dim. The Home Guard, most of all the ones in the Upper Ring, is not the Army. At least the Agrarian Zones Home Guard act as anti- _ daofei  _ patrols, crossing the commandery sized regions of the Agrarian Zone, hunting down those who’ve nestled themselves in foothills near Laogai or a rogue gang on the prowl in a Yunlicun village. When the War ended, my focus could return to Ba Sing Se, now with undisturbed attention. Now, more...grown up. I could take a second glance at the nonsensical bureaucracy and all it entailed. 

_ War _ . The Generals, the  _ real  _ Generals, look forward to leaving Ba Sing Se behind for the Plains of...wherever.  _ War. _ The men pray for victory and the boys sing of battles, the wives clutch their chests in hopes for their beloveds’ returns, and the girls tell eachother stories of folk heroes.  _ War _ . It’s so… noble. Everything about it sounds so noble and high and honorable and intricate and meticulous. All the instruments and the Thousand Steps and thousands of men standing at attention, a punch to my shoulder, my blade’s sheathed, my expensive fancy armor’s on, and I’m on an ostrich horse and I’m trotting down the Central Axis Road at the head of a battalion of Imperial Guard who proudly sing of the roads ahead and the girls they leave behind. Or of the regiment’s flag being held high as we take to a  _ noble  _ frontal charge on an enemy position. The blood’s boiled and it doesn’t cool until whatever rebellious island or commandery has learned how to kowtow. And it’s large. A hundred thousand men marching off on campaign. The lucky ones were born benders. The rest of us weren’t. It’s so Imperial. Just like the rest of the Empire. Lavish beautiful outfits for the commanders, regimental flags, a bureaucratic maze of a high command, ceremonial  _ jian  _ blades next to real ones...

_ War _ . Where men beat their chests while others chant prayers to The Great Hunter.  _ War _ . Where each Chief sent runners to everywhere from Qiugou to Zhag’yab to summon every single fighter we could.  _ War.  _ Where one man sliced open his own caught sea-raven and anointed the present Chiefs.  _ War _ . Where clays and ashes are turned into war paint and applied to the tens of us inside the Great Hall of the Zheng and hundreds outside.  _ War _ . Where one Chief will volunteer, Aepak, in the name of defending his people’s river, and where a second Chief, Sugr, will volunteer to lead the offensive.  _ War _ . Moose-lion heads are put on, turning seven foot men into nine foot men.  _ War _ . There are no ceremonial weapons. The bows are drawn, the spears are tested, the axes sharpened...and that’s it. The room was swamped in calls to moving out and blood and vengeance and everything else. The  _ King _ stomped the ground in a mimic of another monarch’s technique to take control of the situation. And the Hall went quiet. 

“We will catch them before they can set up a basecamp!” he ordered the gathered forces in an accent both his men and the two of us could understand. Suki tore me out of the howling audience, “Where? Where are we going?” and dragged me out the ‘back’ ‘door’ of the Great Hall. We exited into a village green, except it wasn’t green, it was layered in snow, where I fell over into the feet of snow. I helped myself up and sat on the snow while Suki stood over me. “You. Me. We need to  _ get south _ and get south  _ fast _ .” I looked up at her, couldn’t see any of her beyond the faint silhouette shrouded in darkness, and sat up. “And what? Go get the Imperial Army?” I asked, skeptical with a pinch of sarcasm. “Yes!” she exclaimed near-hysterically. I countered her quick thinking with my yawning. “We’re in the far north. We don’t even know where we are. We don’t even know what’s going on.” My own mind didn’t know much of what was going on, either, it seems. 

I stood up and physically moved around, dizzy. Suki stepped in to grab me by my sides before I could fall over. “Are you alright?”  _ Clearly, yes.  _ “My mind’s in a fog...I’m not that tired…” I reassured myself, but not her. My mind was addled by two things: exhaustion and... _ this _ . “The Imperial Army… the Tribes aren’t part of the Empire” I mumbled. My lips quivered like they would from the cold, but I didn’t feel cold. My mind wandered like I was suffering Midnight Sun Madness, but I wasn’t. “They’re  _ your  _ protectorate” Suki said while shaking me out of concern.  _ My  _ protectorate.  _ Protectorate.  _ “I need to speak to the… King.” and I walked, using the door as a focus point, then using the fireplace the King sat in front of as a focus point, only to walk into the line-of-sight of the rallying King and his allies. His commands were already given, the men and women finished chanting his name, and the room liquidated itself save for his direct kin and Chief Aepak of the Majia. 

The King pulled a stone chair out of the ground off to the side of the room, near the fur drying rack, and let me sit down on it. I looked at the fire, then at his figure eclipsing it, then at Suki and her short auburn hair that shone quite nicely, then back at the fire. The waxing flames made me tear up. Not from some kind of sad situation, but an aftereffect of being tired.  _ It’s so bright _ . Suki finished cupping her hand to Kotyan’s cheek and pulled back from some whispering. “Chief, I cannot… I think it’s a better idea if we go on the offensive and knock these people out  _ before  _ they get a foothold.” He had a humble yet confident tone to his voice. It’s like he wanted to sound like a Chief and also a servant and didn’t know how to accomplish it.  _ Because a Xishaner does not kowtow to anyone _ . 

I tried to put my hand on a hand rest only to realize it was imaginary. He alleviated this with pulling a piece of earth out on either side of the stool. I rested my hands, pulled my head back from an unintended slump, and focused my good eye on his eyes, since he now sat -a new seat- to the side of the flames such that they illuminated the front of his face. “I’m all for knocking them out...but we  _ need  _ to get the-” I caught sight of the grey-bearded man sitting nearby, and stopped speaking. Why? A distraction. My voice trailed into nothing. This just made the other Chief squint. 

The King noted my pause and turned around to address his ‘subordinate’. “This Chief knows those who command a large army.” was how Kotyan phrased it.  _ I don’t know if that’s a good enough cover _ . “And?” the old Chief asked, his tone one of uninterest. “This Chief’s home is the Lands Where the Sun Rests in Winter.” The Chief didn’t seem to care.  _ Why would he?  _ I looked back at the King as he rotated back around out of respect. “We don’t know how large the waterbender force is. If it’s big-” I couldn’t continue.  _ Remember where you are. You’re in the lands of the Xishan. They respect offensives.  _ I switched topics. “You… you sent everyone out?” He didn’t need specification to figure out what I was saying. “I can’t exactly tell them to stay back, can I?” he said, pretending to be annoyed at my ‘insubordination’. I say this because his eyes told a different story.  _ ‘You’re right, but I can’t’ _

“And you, you’re the King, don’t you want-” but my question was cut off by Suki covering my mouth with her palm. “Shh! This isn’t...the army” she said while getting in my face so I  _ got it _ . I got it. “So we’re just going to sit here until we get news of how it went?” I directed my question to him while looking at the Majia Chief out of the corner of my good eye. Kotyan’s answer? The one word “Yes.”  _ Then what’s there to do? Continue sitting here and discussing it?  _ With that in mind, I requested “a place to sleep” and Kotyan held his hand to the side and gestured for one of his sisters to come over. “Lead Hayashi and Sai to my quarters” and the youngest of his sisters, Sirin, smiled. 

We followed her, unlike the middle sister, she wasn’t as into flirtatious Ty Lee-ishness. She led Suki and I out the door, took a  _ brief miao _ to look at my long undone hair as it reflected off the firelight,  _ no, that’s not flirtatiousness, that’s just surprise at auburn hair _ , and brought us across the dark, snow-laden ground. A few torches were all that marked the far edge of this _ large _ village. Between the trees to our north, I spotted the greenish-tinted carpets as they flapped in the northern night sky. Likewise, cloud cover revealed a full Moon to the east, ascending and soon to vanish behind the Sky Peaks. Suki had no comment, she was busy looking at the large longhouses and I was too tired to give a statement on what was clearly there. I should’ve. Someone should have. Instead, we were led back to the Chief’s quarters, back to where what felt like a month ago.

_ It was less than that, right?  _ Certainly  _ felt  _ like a month. Probably half of one. No matter. I went back to the bunk I used last time, except this time “You  _ must  _ sleep on the bottom bunk”, as ordered by Suki. And I don’t say ‘no’ to my cousin. Suki also had me take off my top robes, with her help, and examined the two arrow wounds, now under actual firelight as opposed to being inside a tent. “They lack the kind of herbs we’d use down in Ba Sing Se or back home for treating this” she remarked as she washed -note, the singeing pain as she pressed on the area around the torso wound is not that enjoyable- my torso wound. She then bound it and it’s companion, good-arm arrow wound, with cloth that Sirin helped provide. With all this done, I drank up a duck-goose broth and fell asleep. 

I desired to wake on the finest furs that Kotyan chose to provide to me. Instead of that, I was forced awake by someone violently shaking me and yelling “Get up!” I realized that the voice did  _ not  _ belong to the dream-realm at roughly the same time I opened my good eye and learned that it was my cousin who was shaking me. I sat up so quickly I bonked my head on the ceiling. After she involuntarily winced from the pity, she yelled “The waterbenders are coming!”.  _ What? Waterbenders, coming? What? What!?  _ I threw myself off the bed as Suki handed me my robes -I slept with my top clothes off, wrapped in a blanket- and I asked “Why are they coming? What happened?”. “The Xishan won two skirmishes but then they came back in force and now scouts say...” Her voice was still tense and fast and...cut itself off from my actions. “...They’re coming, the scouts say they’re coming!” and she helped me get dressed.

I grabbed some heavy fur clothes, new fur clothes without holes in them, and tossed them on. As I stuck my legs in the fur pant legs, I yelled for “A bow and my scabbard!” Her tone changed. “I... _fine_. We can’t retreat south, anyways. They’re in the woods.” and she slung the meteorite-blade housed scabbard and it’s common leather sheath over my shoulder. _I guess I’ll be using my off-hand, then_. Then she found a bow -the Chief’s quarters has its own small weapons rack- and a quiver and handed them to me. I put the quiver on, it’s a side-quiver, and counted up the arrows. _Ten?_ I looked across the room. “Are there no other arrows?” she frantically pulled weapons out of their holders, searching the ground like a Prince of the South looking for a lost trinket. She cheered and stood again, presenting a single arrow to me. “Eleven.” she presented it like a wonderful gift. “ _Eleven_ , great.” I was far more...dismayed. Her smile was enough to brighten my hopes. Not that it mattered. She went and put on her Kyoshi Warrior makeup, using local supplies. I got my boots and mittens on, she already had hers, and we ran outside.

The ground was...well for one thing it was  _ ground  _ not snow. I don’t know what happened to the thin layer of snow that permeated the ground, and I wasn’t going to ask. We didn’t need skis and that’s good, since without skis, we’re able to be quite agile. For a second thing, it was much brighter out than I first thought. Not that it was daytime. It wasn’t. I turned around and noted that I could distinguish the tall Sky Peaks from the trees some fifty feet from me. Meaning nautical -or sea- twilight was upon us, if nothing else. Which was...good. It’s good to see things. Or was it? The green carpets hung just to our north, cyclical in their approach and retreat, much like the tides. The Moon was just emerging from behind the western Sky Peaks, like something out of a painting you’d find in a noble’s  _ siheyuan _ . And for a third thing, the ground was  _ covered  _ in men and women holding bows in one hand or the other. Many had spears lying on the ground next to them, others had axes hanging from their waists, others lacked anything more than a bone-dagger for an close-quarters implement. And I’d wager more than half of these people were  _ praying _ . Led in a prayer by the King’s own uncle, a man whose hair dripped with blood as he yelled to The Great Hunter for strength and endurance. Oh, and fourth, the palisade wall was no longer the only protection that existed. A stone wall double the height of the palisade ran around the wooden stakes. The only place that lacked a wall was the ‘gate’, the entrance to the village. I scanned the heads for... _ someone _ . For Kotyan. I didn’t spot him. “You see Kotyan?” “No.” “We can’t shout over them!” I tried shouting, trying to ensure Suki heard me.

The voice of Asalup echoed back, forth and sideways off the walls and the buildings, out, out, out, into the sparse spruce forest around us. “The Great Hunter, grant us strength!” and the ground let loose with stomps and howls and ululations. Someone began singing that song, the one the former Zheng Chief sang long ago. The village was singing the chorus: “Ej, ej, ay ay ay!” As their chorus came to an end…a new sound rose up.

A horn that I’ve never heard before. It’s pitch was high and it nasal in tone. It took a full ten  _ miao _ in three sets of waxing and waning intensity. It wasn’t the horn made from a cat-deer that I recognized most of the Xishan for. It wasn’t the proud horns of the Imperial Army or Ba Sing Se. It was a horn of something… other.  _ Someone else.  _ Something from out  _ there  _ in the silhouetted forest. From out in the lands where the twilight hadn’t yet reached.

“Shut. The. Wall!” came the cry of some woman’s pumped-for-battle voice. With that command, a team of four people, three men and one woman, ran forward and each took to a section of the ground. With strained effort and the motivational prayers of the Horn, the four of them caused an earth wall to rise in front of the gap. And like that, we were fully encircled by  _ thick _ , at least a foot and I was looking from all the way  _ over here _ , grey stone. And like that, we went silent. The prayers were no longer important. All eyes and ears were directed towards those woods.  _ Towards whatever was out there, and whatever’s coming here _ .

The men and women that stood in this ground were perfectly still. Only my footsteps and Suki’s as we worked my way across this loose formation where everyone was six, seven, eight feet from one another. Two pairs of feet crunching dirt under our boots. And the men and women we passed while on our way to the Great Hall… they all wore a variety of red clay, white clay, and ash on their faces. Ground up into dyes, sure, but that’s where they came from. Some had a hand imprint on their face. Some had stripes. Some had a painting of an arrow, the head, shaft and fletching all in one, on their face. And those arrows were multicolored. Red tips, black shafts, white fletching. Others had zig-zags in the shape of lightning. There were also those who bore symbols of four-pointed stars and circles with rays -the Sun- on their faces. When someone,  _ anyone _ , blinked, I spotted that their eyelids were painted white with black or red ‘eyes’ painted in the middle of either eyelid. One man who had a long scar that ran down his cheek and had red painted into the scar line. A woman who shared my lack of an eye wasn’t wearing an eyepatch. Instead, her closed eyelid was painted with white where the top and bottom eyelid met and red elsewhere. As if the eye was bleeding white paint. Nobody was...maskless. Nobody except I, that is. 

We stopped in front of the Great Hall. And there was silence. Silence for  _ fen _ . A baby cried. Silence. The faint sounds of walking, feet pressing down on packed snow. Many feet. The faint sound grew in  _ power _ . Men and women were exhaling mist.  _ It’s too cold for this _ . Then it hit me.  _ Cold _ . The air itself was freezing. A lockstep marching of footfalls neared.  _ Somewhere  _ out there. Silence took over, as if all the footfalls died.  _ Or stopped _ .

A blast of water hit the gap-bridging wall and soared twenty feet into the air. As a mass, the men and women nocked their drawstrings and pulled back on them, pointing their arrows at this fleeting wave. The water disappeared behind the rock wall. The sounds of water being  _ pressed _ , splashing around… that’s all we heard out there. Asalup resumed his prayers. Other Sages may cry out in the face of the water. Asalup proudly chanted for The Great Hunter’s support. You’d think he’d pull a lightning bolt out of the sky with his long deep ululations and grand arm movements. The wall began  _ leaking _ as cracks formed. And the cracks grew.  _ Nock _ .  _ Draw. _ And they grew. They grew until the entire slab of stone shattered into a hundred pieces. 

A team of five figures stood out in the clearing beyond the village’s wall. Each one had his hands raised. The snow behind them turned to water and raised, forming a wave. We didn’t wait for them to charge up their powerful attack.  _ Thwick.  _ A hundred  _ thwicks _ . A hundred arrows flew through the hole, pincushioning the five of them. Arrows to the faces, arrows to the eyes, arrows to multiple places on the necks. Don’t mess with a culture of hunters, ‘cause they know where to aim. 

Nobody cheered. It’s never a good idea to prematurely celebrate, and  _ only five people _ killed is too few to even celebrate. The ice-water behind them collapsed in one big wave, splashing the ground and the trees. Only some of the water flooded in here. Too low to do much beyond wet our boots.  _ Nock, draw…  _ I was proven right to prepare for  _ more _ . The buffalo yak’s horn,  _ that’s what it was, a buffalo yak’s horn, that’s where I remember that horn from… the North Pole _ … sounded again. And from either side of the hole, a squad of men ran into the clearing. Men carrying large shields and large white spears. Men with dark blue tunics with white-trimmed parkas. Men with full face paint. Grey for most of the face, black around the eyes and sometimes in parts of the jawline, and white to compliment the black in some places. Not that we  _ saw  _ these faces for long. They wore wolf helmets. They locked their shields together, jutted their spears through the gaps built-in to the shields and ducked behind the wall of shields. 

Asalup, all the credit to him, yelled  _ something  _ and the whole field let loose a volley of arrows. Most arrows bounced off the shieldwall. One or two found their way in between the small gaps in the walls, striking the wielders. Not that it had any effect. The shieldwall slowly advanced into the village. Someone gave an order and the four benders from earlier picked up boulders. Except… the Water Tribesmen weren’t stupid enough to get  _ crushed  _ by a flying boulder. So they split apart like a school of fish and, save one man, ignored the boulder onslaught. The large mob of attackers formed back into a shieldwall in a kind of precise, choreographed, dance. At the sound of the horn, they picked up their shields, still locked together with spears jutting through them, and  _ ran  _ forward. The archers near enough to them suddenly found themselves on the receiving end of a twenty-man slow charge. So the archers pulled back.  _ They… why charge us?  _ The order to launch boulders came again. The boulders  _ weren’t  _ launched. Why?  _ Because they’re so close to us. You… you… you knew.  _ Our side had something they didn’t. Numbers. 

At the orders of one man and his large cat-deer helmet,  _ Uzluk _ , the archers fanned out while keeping a couple foot pacing from each other. As they fanned out, the Water Tribe shieldwall’s wings folded in, forming a lion-turtle formation. And like that, we were at a standoff. Our men and women loosed arrows into them, the arrows harmlessly bounced off the shields, but they didn’t take the offensive.  _ Thwicks _ as hunters try to find a weak spot to manipulate.  _ Thwicks  _ as hunters try to kill their prey. As I watched the woman to my left draw the last of her arrows from her quiver,  _ then  _ it really, really, hit me. “Cease! Stop! Cease nocks!” I screamed. Nobody understood me. Not because they didn’t understand me, but because they didn’t understand the order. The man with bloody hair saw me and my distinct hair -the missing eye and lack of face paint probably helped- and because Asalup was looking at  _ me _ , I chose to point at my quiver, then this woman’s quiver. He traced my motions with his own… then his eyes widened in shock. But it was too late. The last of our arrows were being launched in.  _ How many did we kill? _ Ten people? Fewer? 

Like the tides that go out and return, they let us throw away our advantage. They  _ let  _ us throw it away, knowing full well some of their own would die. Sure, it wasn’t our  _ only  _ advantage, but when your opponent has hundreds of arrows, the only way to avoid becoming like those five genius partridge-quails out there was to let their arrogance get the better of them. I happened to choose  _ not  _ to release any arrows beyond the first one for a simple reason: As any hunter  _ should  _ know, you don’t aim for something you won’t hit. But a  _ couple  _ men died at the beginning. Which fed the Xishan’s headstrongness into believing they’d win again. Because when your mind is cluttered with prayers to The Great Hunter and you’re watching everyone  _ else  _ release arrows in, every so often getting a kill… It doesn’t matter. Because as the last of our arrows were launched, a hornman, tucked away inside that shieldwall, let out a blast of his horn.

And they charged. The green dancing Spirits frolicked above us, lighting the way for them.

And our  _ scattered  _ formation was not prepared for a shieldwall  _ charging _ . It’s not that shieldwalls don’t charge, it’s that shieldwalls don’t stand still for half a day. They lost men, and they charged forward as a lion-turtle shieldwall. They moved forward as one unit, colliding with the nearest of our men and women and running them through with spears. Everyone else backed up. Only once they reached our lines, our formless, incoherent, loose, lines, did they break apart. They did it much as a wave breaks against a rock. It doesn’t just turn around and go home. It breaks, fanning outwards in some strange natural act of symmetry. Just as Chief Hakoda’s men performed for the two of us while we sat atop the Thousand Steps oh-so-long ago, these men broke apart in a similar maneuver. But this time, they didn’t stop. They ran at the men and women. Those who were smart drew their spears. Those who weren’t took spears to the legs, the head and anywhere in between. 

Asalup led the counterattack. He  _ pulled  _ the shield down from one of these men and stuck his loon-grebe hilted blade into the neck of one of the Water Tribesman. He  _ kept  _ jabbing it until the blade and his hand were coated with that man’s insides. Whether  _ this  _ was the act of inspiration, or those fortunate enough to have drawn their spears and axes already drew their spears and axes is unknown. As the men and women ‘around’ me took their weapons, from something as large as a hunting spear to something as small as a dagger, and charged the twenty-odd men, I stuck back. I didn’t need Suki to  _ hold  _ me back this time. Because I had an idea. And as anyone who knows me knows, when I get  _ ideas _ , that’s not good. For me? Maybe. For others? Certainly. 

While the Water Tribesmen  _ believed  _ the field to be uncontest in range, they allowed themselves to abandon, or possibly were told to, the hornman. And the hornman took to his cowardly advantageous position of standing in the hole-between-walls. Was he their commander? I didn’t think that hard about it then.  _ Nock. Draw. Aim _ . General Song once told a story about a duel with a nameless opponent: This opponent was the head of a battalion. Song ignored all rules of honor to kill the young duelist. In doing so, he routed the entire battalion. So… no, this hornman is probably not anyone important enough to carry his own special  _ dao  _ scabbard, but,  _ thwick _ , he ate an arrow to the face all the same  _ as  _ someone important enough to carry his own special  _ dao  _ scabbard. Worst of all,  _ for him _ , he happened to be  _ about  _ to blow his horn again. With his fall, the Water Tribesmen were… well their time was numbered. Because, as I’m sure he was about to address with the means of battlefield communication, the shieldwall was, one, not a shieldwall, and two, being harried from all sides. A  _ smart  _ commander, whether he’s a low level Sergeant or the leader of a hundred-thousand strong army, would pull back his forces when on uncertain ground. Now he couldn’t do that, for he died. Oh, yeah.  _ Ground _ .  _ Someone  _ was probably having a good rest somewhere. Then that someone was stirred.

Anyone who hasn’t seen the new Xishan King in action was really  _ in for it today, er, in for it this morning _ . So Kotyan walked out of his Great Hall, did a quick stretch, and drew his  _ dao _ . As  _ most  _ of the Water Tribesmen were cut to pieces by nameless male and female hunters and their hunting tools, Kotyan ran across the field, stomped the ground, and parted the way into the middle of the ‘largest’ ‘blob’ of survivors, these four men and their shields held in a rough semicircle. They try stabbing the large, lumbering, quaking-with-every-step man and...to absolutely nobody’s surprise, it doesn’t work like they thought it would. Turns out he’s good at blocking and parrying.

He used his  _ dao  _ to slice into a shield, only to rip the shield away and fling his  _ dao  _ like an oversized throwing knife into the shielded man. With his  _ dao  _ firmly lodged in some raw Water Tribesman meat, he took his skull and did what any sensible man would do. He headbutted one of the other three so hard the man’s head caved in on itself. Or...maybe it did. Maybe it didn’t. That man fell over like a total dead man anyways. With four to three-and-one-chest-clutcher and three to two, he could get to the  _ fun  _ part of dueling. He grabbed  _ one  _ of the two and pulled on the man’s head -Kotyan’s feet rooted themselves in earth- so hard that he tore the head and the attached spine out. He then took this spine and used it like one would use a meteor hammer or a flail. That is, while the last guy,  _ credit to him he’s fearless _ , tried to stab his friend’s killer, Kotyan parried it with the dangling skull of the friend before  _ slapping  _ the friend’s living friend in the head with a head. Now, as any from the North know, bone makes for a good weapon. His friend’s skull wasn’t that strong, instead it bonked off his head like a whiskey bottle and a Fire Lord... _ that’s a story for another time _ … 

So he moved on to classic Kotyan tricks. By classic, I mean he grabbed the guy with his bare hands and snapped the Water Tribesman’s neck with a head-twist, before gorging himself on the man’s throat. Why? Well once the throat was gone and in Kotyan’s mouth, he took the body and himself and marched over to the hole in  _ his people’s  _ wall and held the lifeless body that was spewing blood  _ everywhere  _ high for all friends and foes to see. I took this as a signal of an oncoming rout. So, I took an arrow out.  _ Nock. Draw. Hold _ . 

The couple Tribesmen that  _ saw  _ this and weren’t being ganged up on were like ‘I’m out’ in their own ways. And by their own ways, I mean they abandoned their fellowmen to try and break through the one-man wall and  _ get out of here _ .  _ Aim.  _ As all of three people took to fleeing, I  _ thwicked _ an arrow, across the field, into the side of one of these guy’s shoulders. The arrow took all the wind out of him, he fell over, and was subject to three different hunters, two spears and one axe. My arrow didn’t kill him, but that woman’s giant lumber axe certainly did. 

The remaining two… brought their shields together to try and fight him. Kotyan took the lifeless body and swung it like a club. Except, unlike a club, he let go of the person after committing to the swing, committing this body to the swing, which committed the body to combining with the other two. While the two men were forced to buckle down and brace, Kotyan used his awesome metalbending powers to, with some focused breathing, pull his  _ dao  _ out of the fallen man and  _ recall the blade to his hand _ . Not exactly ‘recall’ but levitate it in mid air long enough to jog over and grab it from mid-air before  _ charging  _ the two buckling men. 

Before he could get another two kills to his kill score, I  _ had  _ to get a  _ thwick _ in. So I got into a front-stance, bordering on a lunge, focusing my good eye on my drawstring and my good hand on  _ that little target a hundred feet away _ and got a  _ thwick  _ in. The right of the two took an arrow to the spear-arm.  _ Anyone  _ that goes ‘bowfishing is pointless’ is, much like a ball, without a point. It takes  _ some  _ skill and  _ lots  _ of ‘keeping the correct eye open’ to hunt duck-geese. And, in place of missing the right eye, use the left eye. Left eyes are also right, or rather, correct. As it turns out, this kind of twilight is  _ exactly  _ the time of day I used to rise, except on the opposite side of the Empire, to go bowhunting for my family. But enough about me. 

Kotyan was surprised at the one-less man to deal with. He walked up to the last of the Water Tribesmen and  _ smirked _ . And the Water Tribesman dropped his shield and his spear and decided the smartest way to leave a slowly walking over towering ‘barbarian’ is to  _ run away _ . What he didn’t think about was that the ‘barbarian’ had the ability to, and chose to, stomp the ground and grab both of this poor, poor, raider’s man feet. With the man’s feet encased in stone, he couldn’t even turn around to see Kotyan casually stroll over to and, with one grand plunge, shove the blade through his exposed neck. Then, a  _ slice _ to saw the head off. He pulled the helmet off, grabbed the man by his ‘warrior’s wolf tail’ and tossed him to Asalup. Asalup had his dagger out and was ready to do unholy things to that man’s skull. All I know is by the time Kotyan walked over to me and my stance, Asalup was covered in blood and the head he was holding was missing it’s scalp.  _ Sure. Why. Not _ . Just before he got to us, Kotyan, with a single motion, pulled a fresh piece of ground out to shore up the ‘gate’.

“I was having such a good sleep and then  _ this  _ happens!” Kotyan announced, looking at me but his statement easily could’ve been directed to anyone in the village. The men and women were all sweaty and hyperventilating and looking at the King and I, or...the ones that were standing were. Because there were people that  _ weren’t  _ standing that were being loomed over from all angles by fellow hunters and Tribespeople. “Why did this happen?” he asked, leaning in to look at me.  _ Am I supposed to have the answers? I don’t have the answers.  _

Suki, being present and a major part of my two-person team, helped fill in the three of us who weren’t her. “Runners came in the…” she paused to look at the sky, then back at us, “They came in the  _ night _ , yes I know, how helpful… They came and told your brother that the ‘Left,’ that wasn’t their name but they were the western force, had chased the ‘Bastard Sons of the North Star’ into the Majia but the ‘Right,’ the eastern force, wasn’t as effective and that raiding parties were spotted approaching us from the Land Where Sun Rises in Spring, which is the east, right?” Kotyan nodded, I looked at him with a ‘and you understand this woman,  _ how? _ ’ look, since to me she was doing the old title soup and my head might be a  _ bit  _ foggy from all the sleep deprivation. Not that anyone took me seriously, which is fine. With her done and Kotyan sufficiently satisfied, I inquired “What’s ‘Left’ and ‘Right’?” He turned away from my cousin and towards I and shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t plan this.”  _ Oh, you’re using the Emperor tactic of ‘oh I didn’t plan for this’ plan? No wonder you’re the Captain, you’re almost as smart as the Emperor.  _ So I asked Suki, but she also shrugged. “I’m not from around here.”  _ No way.  _

Kotyan gathered his men and women together. Those that were wounded, there were lots of wounded, were taken to the longhouses for healing by the King’s own sisters and, because she’s the greatest cousin ever, Suki. Those that were dead, in the words of Uzluk, “Thank The Great Hunter”, there were only a few due to our  _ -er, their- _ love of heavy furs, were to be prepared for burial off in the Hill Tombs of the Zheng. Or… the Zheng ones were. There were also Xainza present, visible due to their choice of garb, to which the woman Chief Sotan left behind would take care of. We didn’t have time to care about such matters. I mean...Suki did. She was happy to volunteer herself  _ -with my permission, which would you believe it, only requires a simple head nod and smile- _ to go do extremely gruesome things in the name of  _ trying  _ to save people we, technically, have no reason to care about saving. Or, to enhance that explanation, “I’m going to go help cut off people’s legs and work in the healing hut. And cut off people’s legs!”  _ Thanks for the repetition.  _

Why? It’s the Kyoshi Islander way. Anyone against us dies - _ yeah, just try expecting us to help your wounded, people who tried to kill us _ \- but people we like, we  _ do  _ try to help them. Or Suki does. I’m too incompetant - _ and cut all the herbalist classes in favor of swimming _ \- to do these things. Also, Kotyan ‘invited’ me with a head-gesture and a command, “Follow me, we have a meeting to get to!”, to join him in his Great Hall. I ‘invited’ myself, with a counter head-gesture and some words, “I’d like to go to sleep instead.” But he’s the King and I’m just a Chief. The King widened his eyes as if to command me. A Chief kowtows... _ wait no they don’t do that _ ...a Chief follows his King.  _ So I’m your boss and you’re also mine? This is all kinds of messed up and my home’s in Ba Sing Se.  _ I paused to look around at the Xishaners looting their fallen and enemies of weapons. Lots of spears. Not many arrows. 

Suki briskly ran off to amputate someone’s leg, at least that’s what I assume her musing of ‘I have to go cut off someone’s leg’ was about, unless it was metaphorical for some other act of kindness, Kotyan jogged off to go inside his hut and I… hastily face planted the dirt. Not intentionally. We all can’t choose our fates, can we? Thankfully for me, the Lord of Blood, the Horn, Asalup,  _ titles, titles, make up some titles! _ , helped me up and got my  _ nice, not-even-mine  _ furs coated in other people’s blood, and with the assistance of some woman and some man, was dragged into the Great Hall. Because just as Kotyan will drag  _ me  _ into  _ anywhere  _ at the command of his Empress, his hunters will drag me  _ anywhere  _ at the command of...himself.  _ See? Everything’s full circle. Except it’s not.  _

I woke up to the sounds of talking. No matter how many verbal reminders I may or may not have been given, I know for certain Kotyan wouldn’t  _ force  _ the man who is his boss, his boss’s betrothed heir-doing,  _ according to some old person _ , hair-doing, whiskey-drinking companion, his officer, and at one point, almost his brother-in-law, to wake up. So I got to wake up when I chose to. And I chose to  _ be  _ woken up, of course, by the sounds of people speaking a dialect I barely understood. I don’t have the  _ Encyclopedia of Imperial Dialects  _ to refer to. 

Anyways, I woke up and was greeted by Kotyan sitting on his stone throne with anger in his tone. After I was greeted by his face, I was greeted by the Xishan, Pu-On Tim knockoff Ty Lee. Her name’s Gundes and she makes me miss that walking brothel-maid attired woman. “How are you feeling?”  _ by Kyoshi she even sounds like Ty Lee _ .  _ No, do not put your hand on my head to feel if I’m sweating or in a fever or suffering from some kind of calamity. I’m perfectly fine.  _ “I. Can. Hand-” I took her hand and pressed it away, “-le myself.” She smiled that kind of smile that I don’t like seeing people present me with.  _ Please don’t smile like that. I’m not the Sokka to your Suki or the Sokka to your Ty Lee or the Sokka to your… everyone. Or your Zuko to everyone. Or… you know what, I’ll just stop with the metaphors. The Dai Li Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool has enough nonsense _ .

“How is the war?” I asked. My voice, now much louder, caught the attention of the King and whatever furious tangent he was running off on,  _ hey, he’s learning from the best _ . He stopped to turn towards me and speak to me. Was it because I’m important? Nah. I just think he, like any monarch, likes variety in opinions. And when I haven’t a whiskey, I tend to give lots of variety. “They either captured or killed Chief Atrak at a trap they set along the Majia. With the power of the full Moon, they broke into the Great Hall of the Majia and flooded it. They raided villages up and down the coast, catching us off guard with waterbending.”  _ The Majia’s downriver along the Majia. The coast is the coast. But this is the uplands. This is not near the Majia River. _

“What happened here?” I asked, looking around. “Our scouts suggested this was one of their smaller raiding parties.”  _ Smaller? Fifty men isn’t small. And yes, I know that compared to the Empire all of this is tiny, but we’re talking forces with maximum sizes of the hundreds _ . “So they sent raiders to all the Great Halls?” He nodded. He might’ve said something, but I had an idea. “Makes sense. They’re trying to feel around. Fifty against a stronghold might die, fifty against a smaller village might succeed. They’re gauging how many fish are in each pond.” That’s an old trick of bowfishing. Throwing bait into the water and seeing where the larger schools gather. It would work with duck-geese, but you can just count how many you see. Water’s never clear. “Your…” he couldn’t say ‘Majesty’, “...you’re right… we already came to this conclusion.”  _ Ah. Should I be disappointed?  _ “I take it because of your generations of experience fighting these raiders?” In a bit of brevetic lightheartedness, he replied “Something like that.” 

“And what about the runners? Didn’t you send runners?” he nodded and directed my attention to a couple figures and their Chiefly appearances.  _ You’re the axe-woman, Irge.  _ She ‘hmph’ed at me.  _ You’re Aepak, because...you’re Aepak _ . The man who was definitely Aepak pulled on his beard. Then there were a couple others whose faces I didn’t know to associate with names and  _ weren’t  _ Kopyak, Kotyan’s younger brother, or his two uncles. I turned back to Kotyan. “I appreciate the game of which face is whose, but can we get right to it?” I didn’t mean to sound rude but for all I like wasting time,  _ we’re the Empire after all _ , I also like knowing… things. 

“We sent runners east and west and found that it’s not just our lands that are falling victim to this… new incursion. The whole Pangou, Majia and Xainza Coast is being raided by some kind of invisible fleet of waterbenders. Nobody’s lived long enough to see them and the darkness isn’t helping.”  _ Are you trying to scare me? Because it’s working _ . “If ‘nobody’s lived long enough to see them’ how do you know it isn’t, I don’t know,  _ ten  _ ships and not, I also don’t know, a fleet?” “Can ‘ten ships-’” I admit, his mockery of my tone was well-done, “-raid a piece of land as wide as the Lower Ring in one or two nights?”  _ When you put it like that… yes, that’s hard.  _ “As  _ wide  _ as the Lower Ring?” and I looked around and it occured to me that nobody in this audience knew what the two of us were talking about. But for all they were uncivilized, they seemed awfully polite. Or they just didn’t know what we were talking about because the Ba Sing Se-an dialect is higher pitched than their guttural one. So we sound like chirping birds.  _ Or both _ . “Including Pangou it’s easily that wide, probably much bigger since our maps have always been undersized.” His exposition was only  _ helping  _ the tension pooling in my gut.  _ Yup _ . 

“How?” I asked. I asked him somewhat rudely, the tension in my voice wasn’t helping my case. He didn’t take it to heart. “The Moon’s full. I don’t think you forgot what happened  _ last time  _ the Moon was full and we dealt with waterbenders.”  _ Yes. How many thousands died attacking that city in the name of being dishonored and teaching the Chiefs of the North to be just a little bit more respectful to their women? And that was only against a couple master waterbenders because they didn’t expect us to invade _ .  _ And neither did we. But the allure of seal jerky is not to be ignored _ . “So…” I tried to regain my formal voice, I did not want to sound panicked. “...that doesn’t mean there’s a thousand ships sitting offshore. It could just be a dozen and they’re speeding around like a responsible carefree Egg or some Angst Lord chasing him in the name of honor, right?” Kotyan sighed. “Would thirty different hunting cabins be lying to me?” and he turned to glare at his runners,  _ er, they’re skiers _ . 

“I’m going with yes” _note to self, who needs to think before speaking?._ I might’ve said that because I didn’t want to think about _a thousand ships falling on us_. “I’m going with _no_ ” he countered. _Right. You’re probably right._ “So no problem? Thirty ships.” When in doubt in the Empire, downplay the problem until the problem goes away. “Thirty ships, not counting the four ships, eight total, of men that were disembarked at two different parts of the Majia River. Or the ship that deposited it’s men in _our_ lands.” “So, little problem. Thirty nine ships. And we killed one. And the Western Forces defeated four. Thirty four. I’m making your life easier.” _stop thinking like an Imperial, you Imperial_. “I’m sorry we don’t have the endless supply of expendable ballista, crossbow, arrow and firebending fodder.” _I’m not sorry. We need that fodder_. _That fodder is part of why we’re so good at fighting_. The sarcasm in his voice didn’t _feel_ directed at me, since I tend to agree with him and other non-Imperial Imperials about Imperial matters. Non-Imperial, correction, non-Imperial Court, about us. The fodder strategy is a poor one. 

He outstretched his arm to wave, horizontal-wave, at the group of different-looking people sitting at the tables on their chairs who weren’t the tall Zheng runners. “With the news of this large fleet, I had runners dispatched everywhere to bring all of us together. If we stay apart, we’ll get cut down. Like the villages that  _ were  _ cut down. It’s only because we were all gathered at the Great Hall of the Zheng that we could repel them. And even that was not without some casualties. Villages can be rebuilt. Tribes cannot be brought back from extinction.” he then got off his simple throne and addressed his people. “Do we want to become like the Tribes of Fanhui?” the Chiefs and their retinues that comprised this audience stomped the ground as one, crying “No!”. “Do we want to become like the Tribes of  _ Taku _ ?” “No!” they wept in anger. I darted between the furious King and his hot-tempered subjects. 

“I thought Taku was  _ always  _ part of the Kingdom” I said, quietly, hoping my proximity to him -helped by him walking over to me to give his speech- would ensure he and only he heard. “A Tribe may have a million members. Or ten. To us, it’s still a Tribe. And long ago, it  _ was _ .”  _ I mean...if you look at it like that, then yes.  _ “Do we want to become the Sitou? Our graves by the Lake of the Serpent, never to be seen again?” “No!” the room chanted. He then turned to me and gave a simple head nod. A ‘see, this is what you can do when your people are as feverous as you’. A guidebook for  _ all  _ monarchs.  _ Fill your heart with passion and let them feel it. All will follow _ . “Let us be like Hayashi’s people, everlasting and enduring!” and he did this ‘I’m going to embarrass you with a gesture,’ gesture. And then everyone looked at me. I don’t know if Kyoshi Islanders are ‘everlasting and enduring’ but in that moment I felt that he was referring to my  _ other _ , newer, more famous, affiliation. The  _ people  _ of everlasting and endurance. The  _ Earth  _ Empire. The room cheered in rabid support, the dialect hard to completely make out, but some words I’d already heard a hundred times. “For Kotyan! For The Great Hunter! For Xishan!” 

I happened to be looking towards them, and in turn towards the far end doorway, and was one of the first people to see the doors burst open. Two men came running in, carrying the lifeless body of a third with an arm over either shoulder. As always, the room stood and threatened to impale this duo and one. But Kotyan held his hand and so his people held theirs. I wasn’t able to understand their dialect, but I was able to understand the facial expressions of the rest of the room. They went through the emotions of shock, concern, then a desire for  _ blood _ quite quickly. I needed someone to tell me what was happening. I looked at Kotyan once he was done speaking to them and he explained “A skier who reports that Yancun and Jissai were helping guide these waterbenders. And now the waterbenders hold the Pangou River.” “ _ You were right, _ ” I murmured. He didn’t need to tell me off. And he didn’t. 

He took to ordering his Chiefs. I had no say in the matter both because I can’t speak in a way that they’ll understand me and for all intents and purposes I’m not the Emperor I’m just me. The Western Forces, they  _ have  _ a name, the Qiugou-Ansai-Pangou coalition, were going to gather all men east of the Pangou River and break the waterbender’s hold on it. The Eastern Forces, Si Gou-Xainza-Zhag’yab, would evacuate all Tribes east of the Pangou either south into the Sky Peaks or into the Zhenzheng lands. He wants ‘most’ of the Tribes to flee into the mountains, with a rearguard of volunteers to protect them. 

He declared “No Brother behind!”, which was something I understood. The Chiefs howled in support, chanting “No Brother behind!” again and again and again. Then, he raised his hand, shouted something like ‘get out!’, and they departed. No fancy kowtows or bows. Just people grabbing their weapons and offering prayers to The Great Hunter. I don’t know these Tribes like I know the Empire, but the idea of never leaving anyone behind… that’s as noble as  _ anything  _ us ‘Southerners’ could brew up. If not more noble. 

“Hundreds will die” I commented to the now vacant, save for the Zheng ‘royal’ family, the males, and the Majia Chief. “Thousands will die if we leave them behind. And I’m not leaving any of them behind. These people helped me win the North, I learned that to the people who helped you, you reward.”  _ A message I could get behind. From who, though? _ “And who did you learn that from?” I asked, letting an eyebrow rise in inquiry. “In order of who taught me the lesson, the late Grand Secretariat helped me after I helped him. Then I watched the relationship between well, you know, you and that one short earthbender, and how she’d reward your service with her assistance. You didn’t  _ ask  _ for a reward and you never seem to demand one, but you do it. So…” he held out his arms as if to gesture to the rest of these people, “...I hold these Chiefs to the same expectations. I expect loyalty, I reward loyalty with honesty.” I couldn’t help but laugh.  _ Me? Use me as an example of loyalty? I’m sitting here with two arrow wounds and a knife wound… and…  _

“I only came up here for a fur pelt,” I admitted. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea from my actions. “And you’ll return with one,” he replied, reassuring me with his voice. The other Tribals watched him place a hand on my shoulder as if to convey brotherly affinity. I still didn’t want anyone to take the wrong message from who I was. “My… King, you do realize that… most people don’t see shoulder punches as a proper reward, right?” His tone was absolutely serious as he responded with “And in your words, you only see half the things others do.” Okay, I can’t help myself sometimes. There are moments when losing one’s composure is okay. That was one of them. 

“I expect my Chiefs to be as loyal to me, a person who is their distant kin, as you and your cousin are to a short earthbender. If you two can go on campaigns against a variety of enemies for nothing more than a shoulder punch and some free whiskey, then surely my distant blood should be able to do it for the satisfaction of an increase in local power.”  _ Ha. Ha. You’re… oh, you’re serious _ .  _ Oh… you’re serious… right. Ha. That’s…  _ “I… I don’t do it for  _ just  _ the whiskey. If you’re going to copy me, do it right. My satisfaction comes from the knowledge that my… you know…  _ Tribal land _ …”  _ that’s an understatement,  _ “...is not on fire and my… earthbender… is as safe as she wants herself to be.” 

He nodded. “A noble gesture.”  _ I guess. _ I might as well admit the truth. “It’s one that’ll inevitably get me killed.” His counter was quite profound, “By that logic, we all die, do we not?” The profoundness came from reminding me of, as I say, “I grew up thinking the same.” When you grow up with someone as tall,  _ ha _ , as Kyoshi to look up to _ , ha _ , it’s hard not to hear about stories of immortality or it’s direct, anticlimactic counter, an early death. I was reminded of something my great-grandmother claimed Kyoshi’s grandson once said. “I’d rather my end to be with my blade in hand.” He smiled. “I agree. And… it’s a noble intent that I’m sure all of the...you know, the  _ Court _ ... is jealous of.” I looked across the room. The others didn’t understand what we were saying. Or if they did, they only picked up bits and pieces. “The Court’s never been to war. If they were, they’d know the noblest thing about war is that the side we supported won and the other side lost. Mud’s not the noblest of...intents.” He laughed twice, both hearty and strong. 

“And...Hayashi...I’ve learned that we must give ourselves ‘noble intents,’” and he gave me a pat on the back. “Like whiskey,” I half-joked. “Or women… but...” he trailed off. I caught him out on that, so I caught his trail off. “Oh?  _ Women _ ? I need to hear this.” He smiled with his eyes. “Wouldn’t you be the greatest person in the whole of the South to agree that women are the strongest of fulfillments?” I took his statement as one of a joke. “Do you  _ see  _ any heir-making? Do you  _ see  _ any? I don’t. Playing a game of ‘lets tag along with the girl escaping her own arranged marriage’ is  _ not  _ ‘women’. That’s just… what happens when you get really hammered and think you’re going to outrun the Beifongs.” No, the story wasn’t entirely true, getting hammered had little to do with it. 

“It seems like it’s worked. You haven’t been killed yet.” His argument was valid. “Yet. And now-” I made a circle motion with my hands “-We circle back to dying. I’d rather die defending the whiskey-fuelled nonsense I conjured up one perfectly tepid night with one teenage woman who thought it was a really smart idea to do tunnel things.”  _ I mean, it wasn’t totally whiskey-fuelled. There were some intelligent discussions happening and far too many compliments on appearance that only later turned out to be a joke to check if I was the potential groom. And there were discussions that I didn’t realize were tests of my truth telling. Wait a miao, that marriage was never...confirmed, though? I never did the deed. So… betrothal might not apply?  _ My revelatory thoughts were interrupted by “It’s not as crazy as  _ my  _ intentions for going south.” and he used metalbending to bring over a goblet. His brother brought him a pitcher of ale or wine or ale-wine and he started drinking. “Oh? Some exposition I haven’t heard” I joked, and I sat down on the floor and crossed my legs. I was happily on the receiving end of a goblet. A goblet poured with a drink that smelled like bread, but it was still a drink. I was going to toast, then I looked around and remembered the context. 

“Kotyan, Heir to the Zheng. Not actually my title, but it worked. I was an earthbender. I was probably going to take over from my father. I was tough, I trained every day, I knew how to hunt, I was… I  _ was  _ next in line. You know… I grew up thinking everything south of Xinjiagou was… bad. Like… you were all short people that wanted to kill my entire family. One day, I went into the Sky Peaks on a hunting trip. And I went south. And I went south. I chased the Sun south. I had heard the rumors, and I found the whole concept of a year where the Sun rises and sets consistently and daily… amazing. And I was a really stupid teen. I left the Sky Peaks...I don’t remember where. And I came across some farmstead. There was this young woman tilling the field that day. She saw me. I saw her. Her brothers and father were in the Army, for one brother, or dead, for the rest. So she was alone, running her small farm. She didn’t kill me immediately. She took out her crossbow, sure, but I used my broken dialect to ask for some food. I… I don’t know why, but she saw something in me, and I… her.” He took a piece of fur and wiped his face down with it. Then he poured a new cup of ale and guzzled it. He offered me the pitcher, I shook my head and gradually sipped my cup. 

“I learned a new dialect, she learned that we  _ weren’t  _ the stuff of nightmares. I gave her a pelt, she gave me some nice clothes. I looked up at those mountains and… didn’t care much to go back. Selfish desires before the Tribe. I could either be the Crown Prince in a village, or… living in a land of plenty… an easy land… and be a nobody. A couple missing dresses later… I  _ might’ve  _ been considered married to her, if only the local Sage was sober enough to marry us. Those foothills Sages allow marriage between Northerners and Kingdomer. You know the marriage vows, right?” I shook my head. “Oh… well… one day, when you get married, you’ll swear to protect your wife and her land. And her family. You swear loyalty to her, she swears loyalty to you, beneath your Ancestor’s spirits… and… there were other vows. So… I promised to protect her. But good things never last forever?...” and he wiped down his face once again.

“Kotyan and Lady Lin. It was a few months into our marriage...I’d gone hunting,  _ daofei  _ came to the village, by nightfall… I’d normally return to bring her a fresh kill. But...everyone I knew, farmers down the road, the local Sage, my wife… they were nothing more than ash. Maybe they were  _ daofei _ , maybe they were part of Azulon’s massive proxy of allies. She’d always told me about her family’s devotion to a golden chair she’d never seen, all because the military, the real military, was protecting her and her people. It was because they had a real military, the one her brothers and father served in, that she was safe. She was of a line of footsoldiers, but proud foot soldiers. She...she’d wanted a son to follow them. I wasn’t going to say no. After everything I’d seen… in the land of plenty, the Kingdom… wasn’t evil.”

“I don’t know how to explain it. Her last words weren’t the stuff of legend, but the night before, we discussed going to Ba Sing Se due to the news of escalating offensives. We were going to leave within the week and take refuge there. I… I gathered her ashes… and… she’d always wanted to visit one of the mountain lakes up there, the ones I’d hunted in. So… I took them… in an urn, and I buried it in a mountain lake in the Sky Peaks. The southernmost one… within sight of the plot of land she grew up on. I don’t even remember where she…” he looked like he needed a hug, so I gave him one. “...I don’t remember where she lived.” “It’s okay. As long as you… didn’t forget her.” “I… didn’t.” 

He pulled out of the hug, drank some more, and gathered his strength to continue. “I… I promised, beneath the Great Hunter’s constellation, that I’d get my revenge on those  _ daofei _ . I took the clothes on my back, my  _ dao _ , and walked. I reached Ba Sing Se. Those walls. They’ll never  _ not  _ make me in awe. The first time, I fell to my knees. It’s…” but he cut himself short. “I met a recruiter, I was in the Army the next day. A few campaigns in Nanchang later, I tried to join the Royal Earthbending Guard. But nope. I was a dirty ‘barbarian’. Until I met this man. A man whose bureaucracy didn’t care about ethnicity, just competency. Long Feng, for my sake and others like me, pushed for laws to be passed. The moment they were, I was part of the Guard. And.. I rose through the ranks until eight out of ten of my best friends and my boss were killed by dragonfire. We’d all taken the oath...and we served. And the rest? You lived it.” 

  
  


Words need not be said. He’d come from nowhere, found himself somewhere, lost everything, and joined to avenge his dead wife. He joined and rose through the ranks in the name of nothing more than duty. I offered him the pitcher, and the two of us, in sight of the other Tribals, in sight of the Northern Lights, in sight of the Great Hunter’s huntsman constellation of stars, drank up.

Neither of us needed to profess our loyalty to a golden chair, or to the woman currently sitting on it. 

We just drank up.

The Spirits watched us, waiting for an opportunity to strike. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter,
> 
> Night gathers.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for the Frolic of the Spirits:  
> -Mori's comparison between the Empire and Xishan contain lots of symbolism. Those paragraphs could get their own personal appendix of references.   
> -The Water Tribe war horn has no historical basis. I thought the nasal tone produced would be something different.  
> -Xishan war paint based on Native American styles. No specific historical reference for body markings of arrows or of the Sun or of lightning bolts. Arrows are for excellent huntsmen(women),the Sun is for it's protection and blessing, lightning bolts are for power, etc.  
> -Water Tribe clothes, armor and facepaint all based on canon.  
> -The Water Tribe strategy relies on feeding the Xishan's arrogance. The waterbenders weren't planning to die, they were going to break down the walls and let the Water Tribesmen in.  
> -Suki spent much more time talking to Kotyan and other half-barbarians in Ba Sing Se than Mori did. As such, while she's not as good as a native speaker, she understands the dialect quite well.  
> -This is very much a calm before the storm chapter.   
> -So now we know Kotyan's origin. He was next in line for the Zheng chiefdom, but he went south on a hunting trip and never returned. He met and fell in love with a woman, Lin, south of the Sky Peaks. The two spent some time together, only for him to return one day and find that she was killed by bandits. Inspired by her loyalty to the Badgermole Throne, and seeking revenge against the bandits, he joined the Imperial Army.  
> -
> 
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed.   
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, KING O' THE XISHAN!, King of the Sixty Halls! 'He Who Makes Metal Sing'.   
> -Asalup, Kotyan's elder uncle. A Horn, or battle-priest of the Great Hunter.  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's younger uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother. New Chief of the Zheng.   
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia also have pronounced cheekbones, alluding to them being the parent (not cadet!) of the 'cadet' branch of the Zheng.===  
> -Aepak, an older man, the Chief  
> ++Pangou:++ ===The Pangou are the most populist, their elite warriors wear furs dyed red and black===  
> -Irge, middle-aged, the Chieftess. Wields twin axes.   
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou tend to be the only Xishan with brown hair. They're the 'gatekeepers of Xishan' for guarding the main north-south pass===  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, the Chief  
> ++Zhag'yab:++ ===Zhag'yab adopted topknots for their hair style===  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, the Chief  
> ++Xainza:++ ===Xainza wear seashells on sealskin clothes instead of the usual fur===  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, son of Asayun, the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++ ===Lives in the mountains===  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.   
> ++Chatri++ ===Chatri are a smaller tribe located to the south of the Zhag'yab. They have giant eyebrows.===  
> -Atrek, the Chief. A Horn like Asalup.  
> ++Ansai++ ===The Ansai are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan.===  
> \- Etrek, the Chief   
> ++Qiugou++ ===The Qiugou are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan. They have green eyes.===  
> -Sevenc, 'The Young', the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Shinjian++ ===The W.S. are a small tribe spread out across their respective foothills SW of the Si Gou===  
> -Cilbu, the Chief.  
> ++Qingjie++ ===Mostly live in bogs, prefer long matted hair, lanky===  
> -Borc, the Chief.  
> ++Drongnyen++ ===Minor tribe near Xainza. Also wear sealskin===  
> -Koza, the Chief.  
> ++Jissai++ ===Minor tribe near Yancun.===


	64. Into the Far North: (A Living) Polar Night(mare)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The darkness has gathered.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty:

_ Folktales _ . The Imperial Archive is full of them. Stories of how the Four Nations came to be. Stories of how some local tree came to be spiritual and how that tree is the ancestor tree of  _ all  _ trees. Stories of rivers flooding when the Spirits had become angry. Stories of the First Avatar. Stories of the Earth Kings. Good men, their descendants corrupted, eventually a tyrant rises, only to be overthrown by another good man. The Mandate must turn and all that. Stories of the ancestors of whoever wields the current Mandate. All the Mandate-wielders are descendants of the same couple folk heroes, if not scions of past lines. Otherwise, where does the righteous blood of authority come from? Where’s one’s birthright to hold dominion over hundreds of millions if they aren’t born with it? Stories of famous generals, valiant heroes who rose when the peoples of the continent called upon them, or cunning men who used their deception to rid the lands of a tyrant. All these stories… so much myth. 

Was the world  _ really  _ subsumed under a thousand years of ice and snow because the Spirits were upset? Did a Waterbending Avatar from a bygone era bury Ba Sing Se under a tsunami? Do the Spirits still find their ways out of hidden caves and eat random villagers? Are there still men and women who found ways to fight, win and consume Spirits, turning them into monsters? Was the Si Wong Desert  _ really  _ a grassland? There are subsets of people, they’ve got nothing better to do, who spend day and night discussing folktales like this and countless,  _ countless  _ others. From Moon Worship to reading the clouds to praying to a specific rock in the middle of the desert because that rock is holy. It is rumored the Makapuans worship a different form of Agni, it’s rumored they believe that Agni chose the Empress, not the Spirits. The Minister of Ceremonies has a  _ job  _ based on dealing with all this. He has to organize national festivals and such. He works with the Earth Sages, and they in turn ‘represent’ the two of us at the prayers that the Empress is too busy picking her toes to go attend and I’m too busy being not-in-Ba-Sing-Se to do so. All these events are based on mythical folktales. Do they have a purpose? I don’t know. Are they there to remind us of our mortality?  _ As if a world of bending didn’t remind us of how easy it was to lose your life…  _ For the day-to-day man or woman working the fields or living in Ba Sing Se, all these events are superstitions, they may be true, or false, but they don’t matter to the day to day living. He or she is busy trying to pull in a harvest so as not to starve when winter comes once again.

_ Folktales _ . The Great Hunter’s origins vary from place to place. Long ago, Great Halls dotted the northern part of the continent. A conflict, at some point, began, it’s cause as unknown as whatever lurked in the dark woods in this sun-forgotten land during winter. It’s claimed the Spirits themselves emerged from cracks in the ground, they came out like mythical beasts, here to feast on the villages. It’s believed that only the greatest of the hunters were able to stop them. Men and women who pass their names on to most of the Tribesmen of the present. 

There aren’t any famous generals or commoners who found themselves leading armies up here. Folktales are told of tribes that went extinct because they reject The Great Hunter’s way, hunting, and opted to only forage. They died of starvation when winter withered the berry bushes. Folktales are told of what happens to those that  _ don’t  _ set out in the early spring. They think they’re fine, and then they die. Morals are told: He who rises early catches the prey. He who works with his family to gather supplies  _ will  _ survive the winter. A tree is never alone, but grows within a forest. A people shouldn’t be, either. 

As such, from the moment the snow begins melting, all leave to hunt, fish and forage. Beneath a Sun that never sets, they will spend days out in the forests, returning occasionally to stock up on their supplies. Soon enough, the Sun will begin setting in the northwest. It’ll return, rising in the northeast one short period of twilight later. The men will still be out in the forests, for when compared to night, twilight is bright. But then it sets in the west. Twilight turns to night. The first couple true nights, as short as they are, are times of celebration. Great festivals dedicated to The Great Hunter and a year -or half year, if we’re going to be accurate- of successful hunts. The men and women rise the next mornings, off to hunt and gather again. The days will come when the only sunlight the Zheng will see is the early morning, just after it rises and before it vanishes behind the Sky Peaks. 

When a day comes that the mountains high, high to the south of the Zheng receive the montane-glow but their lands don’t, that’s when winter begins according to customs so old the traditions are nameless. They aren’t questioned, it is an unwritten rule of those who live here. When winter comes, the last of the hunters return to their villages. Their supplies are counted. More prayers may be held. And the forests go quiet. The old tell the young ones of the same tales they were told many years earlier. Tales of working with one’s family, or going out to hunt, lest they die of starvation. And so, while the winter batters the desolate North, children play games inside the palisade. They train with a game of netted sticks, tossing a ball from one to another. But...there are always whispers. 

Bedtime stories made to scare children. Stories of horrifying monsters that lurk  _ out there _ , in the shadows of the denser spruce groves. They lurk just off the coast, waiting and watching. The tale tells of children who went against their parents’ wishes and ventured down to the coast. And the children vanished. Because whatever hides, beyond the range of any land-based eyes, is a hunter supreme to the Zheng or the others. The Spirits were hunted by this… predator. It is a predator that uses the dancing spirits, not the Sun, to hunt. The Spirits that dance in the sky empower it. A hunter that draws its powers from the Moon. Others cannot see it. 

They never do. It is the silencer of forests. It is the extinguisher of campfires. It is the exterminator of villages. The bedtime story gives it a vague name, ‘the darkness’, for mortal men have rarely seen the predator in its natural environment and lived to tell the tale. The bedtime story calls it ‘the darkness’ because rationalizing it is impossible. Reasoning with it is impossible. It is a predator and the children are it’s prey. Some have routed the darkness’s smaller skirmishes, but just as summer always turns to winter, the darkness always comes again. 

The skiers came a morning later. The skiers came two ‘days’ since the King and the Emperor drank. It might’ve been the middle of the night or one  _ geng  _ away from the morning. I didn’t know. I was awoken by running footsteps. Not for me, for Kotyan, as for safety reasons and for diplomatic ones, Suki and I stay in his personal ‘house’. We both jumped up, and between the two of us we wore three strips of cloth and two heavy winter furs. The runner spoke to his King and Kotyan explained it to us. “The night came for Chief Sevenc”. That’s how Kotyan phrased it. 

Not people, not a nation, the night itself. His band of Qiugou were among many that checked the Waterbenders’ assaults. Where others pulled back, he was a bit  _ too  _ arrogant. A bit  _ too  _ headstrong. He chased one fleeing cutter down the Majia, only to be ambushed by a team of waterbenders. The battle itself was a fleeting moment, a single  _ fen  _ from when they sprung out of hiding until the last man fell. That’s all it took. He was dragged into the River. Twenty against two waterbenders and the two waterbenders won. We only knew of this because of a scout that had spotted the battle, but was too far away to intervene. That scout skied to a runner’s post in the woods, and that runner went nonstop to us. 

“Where are you going?” I asked the King as he grabbed his simple -simple for a King- furs and put them on. He then grabbed his  _ dao  _ scabbard and tossed it over his side. He gave me a quick look during the process. “I’m off to speak to the Chiefs.”  _ Speak to the _ \- I hesitated and glanced back at Suki, who chose to sit on the edge of the bunk bed, asking “I...what’s there to speak about?” He seemed quite annoyed at these couple  _ miao  _ of wasted time. “We’re being picked off. That’s what there is to speak about” and he set off out the door without any formalities or respect for them. So I grabbed  _ my  _ furs and threw them over my holed traveling wear-turned-sleepwear. Suki did the same, since wherever I go, she’s going to follow me whether I like it or not. A scabbard,  _ four  _ knives, a bow, a quiver, not to mention the sarashi knives. Between the two of us, we were a small armory. And with this in mind, we set out to the harsh cold air of the largest of the Zheng villages. 

Out in the cleared village ground, we got to witness a small line of Chiefs remove their skis. It was the middle of the night, or maybe it was  _ almost  _ morning, we didn’t think about it then. The sky to our south was still dark. I stopped before I could make the left and follow them. “Are we going to go listen in?” I asked. She put a hand on my chest, “Let’s wait.” So we found a place along the palisade, a few feet from a torch, and rested against the wall. We watched the Chiefs and their personal bodyguards, whoever they were -family, friends, kin, didn’t matter- go inside the two doors of the Zheng Great Hall. A pair of guards stood at attention, the closest of formal stances I’d seen in a month. And so we sat there for what could’ve been a few  _ fen _ or maybe a  _ dian _ . 

A bout of shouting erupted from the Hall, this bout woke Suki up and she jumped to her feet and brought up her fists, since she’s naturally predisposed to getting onto the defensive.  _ Sure, why not _ . The shouting subsided not long after. “A fight?” I asked my silhouetted cousin. The nighttime would’ve consumed us all had it not been for a torch behind her. Even then, torches don’t light much. “Maybe. Maybe not.” Before she could press her back into the groove between two trunks that formed the palisade, some four men ran out of the Great Hall. They yelled  _ something _ and I locked my good eye in as they stumbled across the grounds before going into the Chief’s Quarters. My inner thoughts let themselves out. “What are they looking for?” My answer, since the Spirits hate me, came not long after. 

“There he is!” one of the men yelled, pointing at  _ me _ . Suki got her hands to her dagger hilts while I stood up and mentally went  _ if it’s a fight you want, then sure I might be dead but Sukes’ will kill the fourth man before the first one hits the floor _ . “Kotyan summons you!” the smartest of them said. Smartest because if he  _ didn’t  _ say that, he’d be dead by now. I looked at the Great Hall’s doors for them, they didn’t understand such complicated eye gestures, so I took a walk over to the structure. This didn’t stop Suki from having her hands stay within knife-drawing distance of her hips. Whoever these four were, they liked women who were ready to stab them at a moment’s notice. Or maybe that’s just a perk of being a Xishaner, that’s the  _ only  _ kind of woman that seems to exist. 

The two semi-professional retinue men clad in antlered helms opened the door for me, revealing a gathering much like previous ones, except everyone was standing this time. And they were standing in a half-circle around the King and his firepit. All their eyes watched me as our two pairs of footsteps broke the silence of their waiting. The large woman, Irge, and the Majia Chief, Aepak, parted to either side to let us pass through and get to their King’s side. With the room gathered, one man murmuring ‘and, so? A Chief can’t do much’ and others murmuring in agreement, Kotyan took to speaking nice and  _ loud _ . “May I present to all of you: Our way south. His Imperial Majesty, the Earth Emperor!” 

The Xishan Chiefs needed some time to figure out what was said. Earth is Jade. Emperor is the title of the enemy. They began shouting and screaming and yelling “Traitor!”, “No he ain’t!”, and others. Kotyan slammed the ground with his foot. “He is!”. One man, some Pangousmen, decided to spit at my feet. Aepak, Uzluk and Kopyak squinted. Asalup drew his loon-grebe dagger, as if to suggest he wanted to do to me what he did to that skull-shaped goblet on the table next to him. Many of the other Chiefs rested their hands on their axeheads. Their eyes conveyed a mixture of inflated arrogance and concern. As if merely seeing the man who was the stuff of some of their nightmares, a figure who commanded ‘a thousand thousand men’, would result in their deaths. Gundes maintained her silence, clearly she’d learned to keep her mouth shut. Girgen gave me a wary glance over from the large wooden pillar he was resting again. 

And Irge drew her two axes. “He loves bowing? Why don’t we send him back to the Penetrable Jade City. Let ‘em get his legs back.” And most of the room laughed. Suki didn’t draw her blades, instead quickly scanning the room for… who knows what.  _ Exits? Number of opponents? _ Kotyan stepped forward. “Do you not trust him?” and he grabbed my stitched sword arm and held it up. “He  _ bled  _ for us! He  _ bled  _ for the Xishan! He killed the Gerse!”  _ I can understand his accent. _ The shouting subsided as the Chieftess stomped and yelled over them all, so enunciated was her statement that even my inexperienced ear could pick it up. “He killed the Gerse from the trees, like a coward! He’s a coward, just like his Jade friends! They have to cower behind their walls!”. The King kept my hand held up. “He  _ bled  _ for us! He completed the Path of the Great Hunter! The night gathers, and it will kill us all, Jade Men or Xishan!” and that got  _ some  _ of these people to back off. Namely, the three Zheng men who surrounded the firepit, and Aepak of the Majia, whose old brown eyes were more interested in submission to the strongest then quarreling. 

“Why’s he up here?” the Chieftess barked, drawing one of her war axes and pointing it’s axehead at me. The Chief stepped in front of me, pushing me backwards and into the helping hands of Suki. “He came up here to bring the Halls together!” and Kotyan turned his head from side to side. The Chieftess spat at the shins of Kotyan. “I chose you as our King to  _ fight  _ the Jade!” and others in the crowd shouted agreements, the likes of “Yeah!”s. The Chief strutted right up to the Chieftess and her loopied hair. “And now, the darkness comes for  _ all  _ of us! The Bastards come for all of us!” but the Chieftess didn’t seem to care. “You’re a traitor. You’re no King o’ mine. The Pangou are done!” but before she could turn around, he drew his  _ dao _ . 

He flexed his fingers and took a tight grip of it. He challenged her, getting into stance. “Let’s do this the right way.” The rest of the room stood and backed up, forming an almost-full circle around Kotyan and Irge. They left a space for Suki and I. The Chieftess growled. No snappy monologue, she just took her axes and brought the two of them down at the same time. He blocked both with his  _ dao  _ before pressing back against her, shoving her backwards, and lunging forward to grab her neck with his off-hand. He then held his  _ dao  _ to her neck, the tip  _ so, so  _ close to impaling her. “Yield. Surrender.” “Nah. You’re a traitor. I’d rather die than-” So he shoved his  _ dao  _ through her neck, letting it and her drop to the floor as one. As she fell, he let his hand hang in the air and, as if on vocal command, retrieved his  _ dao  _ blade. She grabbed her own neck as blood pooled through the gaps. “Who’s next? Anyone else want to die?” and all the voices went quiet. Like that, the imposing, feared, long-serving Chieftess Irge of the Pangou was dead. In other places, her retinue would’ve sworn fealty to her. Which means they’d avenge her. But… nobody spoke out when Kotyan cleaned his blade off. Hushed murmurs as he walked back to Suki and I. He gave me this ‘ _ you should speak’  _ look. Someone coughed, as if lifting the veil of silence like a mourner’s veil. The Chiefs held their distance like a pack of wolf-dogs being reminded of their leader.

I caught my breath. I had a few days to practice this accent, and I was going to get it  _ right _ . “I...Yes. Kotyan says the truth! I’m the Jade Emperor. You-” I did an open-palm gesture to include the whole crowd. “-you haven’t been allies of the Jade.” I took a deep breath because I knew what I was about to say and part of me had that ‘pang’ of fear of saying it. “And the Southerners… haven’t treated the Xishan right. They...look down.”  _ Now, play them up _ . I made my voice as deep as possible. It’s easier to speak to them than it is to understand them speaking to me. “They think the land’s theirs and theirs alone.” People were shouting agreements. They  _ agreed  _ with me.  _ Good _ .  _ Time to deploy all I have learned.  _

“The Lands Where the Sun Rests in Winter...those were your ancestors’ lands. Your ancestors lived by The Great Lake of the Serpent. Your ancestors lost their land. Lost and lost and were pressed into one valley and one coastline. I am not the blood that spilled your ancestors’ blood. I come from lands so far south, the Sun would be up all day right now.” The crowd murmured and murmured, I had no idea what they murmured. 

“My ancestor…  _ our  _ ancestor… she wasn’t friends with the Jade Kingdom either. Avatar Kyoshi. And when the Ashmakers came from the Boiling Seas in their ships of metal, they killed Jade and Xishan alike.” Someone in the mass interrupted to shout “The Xisenlin sided with them!” and got yells of solidarity. I tipped my head forward,  _ didn’t expect that _ , and pulled back before anyone could exploit my weakness.  _ How do I to fix it? _ Speak  _ even louder _ . One problem, I had no idea what he was talking about beyond the basics of historical alliances. So I  _ tried _ . 

“And the Xisenlin Tribes were put to the blade!” That was enough to make some of these men and women stomp the room. But I didn’t stop there. “And the Bastard Sons of the North Star… we  _ sacked  _ their capital! Yeah! We did! That’s… yeah! We sacked their capital! We turned it to rubble!” and I opted to give some payback to the King. If Kotyan was going to thrust this upon me, I’ll thrust it back into him. That was only fair, and it was the truth. I took my hand and pressed on Kotyan’s shoulder. “He did.  _ He  _ captured their Chief!” The King was a bit aback, before collecting himself like it never happened. “I did!” And like that, the room was cheering for their King.  _ No, their Kotyan. _

As fast as he began, he ended, backed up, and tossed me into the speech-circle of speech-giving that we definitely made up in that very moment. “Keep going” he whispered.  _ Keep going. That’s not easy _ .“Join me, brothers and sisters! Join me! Come south. There’s…” the awkward silence didn’t help with the drama, but I needed it to think. “There’s lots of land. Lots of land! Lots…” but the sentence trailed off.  _ Lots of what? What can we give them? _ “We...I can give you… all of you… all weapons! Weapons for you all! Yup! Weapons, we can give you  _ dao  _ and axes and spears and houses and food. Bows and arrows and you know, weapons like bows and arrows and… hunting grounds! We’ve got lots and lots of hunting ground! And…” I took so long to try and figure out where I was going that I was interrupted by Kotyan hitting me in the back. “Oh, yeah, and… and...the Bastard Sons of the North Star are  _ my _ enemies. I’ll… I’ll cut every single one of their cousin-bedding heads off!” and I paced,  _ aggressively,  _ around this small circle, trying to use my body language to showcase my furious tone. 

It must’ve worked. Some of the warriors were wondering what in the name of their Great Hunter I was saying, or that’s what their eyes suggested, so the Chiefs repeated it in a more...understandable...wording. Because only  _ some  _ of these Chiefs understood my rough, very rough, pick-up on the ‘Xiongnu’ dialect. I didn’t know what they were saying, but hindsight says they were explaining my nonsense. 

Of all the people to speak, I didn’t expect the voice of the ragged, hagged, blind old Shamaness. “Do you trust this man, Kotyan?” And I spun around to spot her and her hunched body and long hair. The aggressive,  _ ‘I’m going to kill everyone here if I have to’  _ Kotyan’s voice became one of humility. “I do”. “Quiet!” the Shamaness said in her soft elderly tone. The rest of the room, men and women having side-conversations, went silent. Something about respecting the wisdom of a woman who’s seen,  _ right, right, I forgot _ , a hundred winters.  _ Maybe not a hundred, but she looks like she could’ve _ . 

“You. Hayashi. Step forward.” and I looked at Suki, she was too speechless from everything, then at Kotyan, who gave me a head tilt, and walked over to her. I went around the fireplace and knelt in front of this woman. She then took her hand and found my hair with it. Her wrinkly hands could only be matched by the face of someone so ancient she probably  _ saw  _ the tall spruce framing the village when they were young. She felt my hair, went up, up, up, got to my head, and I recalled what I was told to do last time. So I knelt. “You.” her dead eyes gazed into me like a judgemental Spirit. And yet, they moved around, as if looking for something, as if she was still using them. But she wasn’t. I don’t know if she felt the sweat from my nervousness. I don’t even know  _ why  _ I was nervous. Something about the whole situation. A random speech, being judged, being up here in the middle of nowhere at the far end of the continent...

“Are you a friend of the Zheng? Just as your ancestor was?” I didn’t need to take ten years to gulp in response to this. “Yes.” And she kept feeling my head. “Did you avenge the blood of the Zheng?”  _ What…?  _ “I...didn’t know what the Zheng were. But I… yes… my Empress was dishonored, so the city-” but she cut me off, clearly even the blind have seen enough of my yammering. “Good.” she made two popping noises as she rolled her wrists and turned towards the fireplace. I take it, even when blind, she knows where the fire is. “Kotyan, he is an ally. Such is the Way of the Great Hunter. Jade Kings speak like nobles, this is not one.” And before I could even process what she had said, or the underhanded insult that was actually a compliment, I got grabbed by the back of the neck, pulled out of my kneel, and given a really - _ ow- _ powerful - _ ow-  _ hug by - _ ow-  _ the King - _ ow-  _ of the - _ ow-  _ Xishan.

The Chief of the Majia yelled out from the humbled crowd. Kotyan, still in a hug, told me “Because you sounded like a...well… not someone professional, they respected you.”  _ Right, so… talking like a normal person saved me?  _ “Are their expectations just high or something?” “Kind of, yes.” Then the various Chiefs continued their difficult-to-understand dialect shouting. Kotyan let me go. “Aepak says ‘If stay here, the Bastards will kill our families!’”. The other Chiefs shouted in agreement. The Si Gou man contributed his own shout. Kotyan helped me out. “Sugr says, ‘this Jade Emperor speaks truth, so we will follow the King southwards!’”

The King smiled at all these shouts, most of them were just people agreeing with other people. And Kotyan rarely smiles. So while I stood off to the side -somewhat- and Suki looked like she needed a whiskey to comprehend all this,  _ hey, they were convinced by one woman getting Kotyan’d and another putting her hands on my head and declaring my nothing-to-do-with-this actions being relevant to them _ , Kotyan addressed his subjects. Well, not subjects. A reminder to myself, they  _ chose  _ him. Just like Irge chose to die. 

He addressed them with the following orders: Runners were to order all Tribespeople to make for the Sky Peaks, and any who wished to join the Zheng host make for the Zheng Great Hall. Volunteers only. The runners left immediately. Any who joined his host would go south to make for the Si-Gou Yancun ‘Pass’. The attraction of this was that Fort Wei-Hung sat at the other end of the march, and Fort Wei-Hung brought some protection with it. Uzluk would take his personal hunting band, his cat-deer helmet wasn’t just because he hunted the animal, but because he led the ‘fastest hunters’, and race southeast to escort those already gathered there southwards through the Pass. There wasn’t to be much of any cohesion to this. We’d just go south and bottle up chokepoints as necessary. 

Any who wanted to remain in this village were going to be tasked with defending it while the rest of the Tribes fled into the Sky Peaks. Of the remainders, Sugr, for obvious reasons, was to take his ‘army’ and guard the path south-southeast. Vachir, to return his favor -the Gerse were formerly his problem and now they were nobody’s problem- offered himself and his men to guard this strongpoint. The men and women who went with Irge, including her sister, partly out of fealty, partly out of being in a coalition, volunteered some of their own to stay behind. Any who wanted to retreat to their homelands to help their people flee into the Sky Peaks were allowed to. 

The Xishan aren’t supposed to retreat. It’s not in their nature to flee a fight. But Kotyan is as much as Imperial as he is a Zheng. He’s not an idiot. If the entirety of Xishan and Beishan sat on their hands, they’d be cut down. If they go into their mountains, they’ll live to fight another day. And Kotyan? He wasn’t going to leave until all who had gathered would leave. And so, the Chiefs rose, without any formalities, and left.

Not long later, after committing to a tally, Kotyan met me again. One  _ little  _ problem. “After reviewing the orders, we...have a small force here,  _ Hayashi _ .” “Are the Xishan not good with small forces?” “We are, but these are a few hundred militia and hunters and foresters.”  _ Wait _ . I looked around the firepit. “Did the entirety of the Xishan host leave?” “I gave them the option to. There were only a few hundred people in our campaign. There’s twenty, thirty thousand in the rest of Xishan. I...didn’t expect...” I cut him off, not bothering to give him the courtesy. “Will our numbers be able to hold off the waterbenders?” He gave me an uncertain glance. “Depends on how quickly they return. They will return, though” I was  _ very  _ grateful Suki wasn’t standing here when I spoke to him. “And you didn’t want to ask me for advice?” “I… if I told the Chiefs to stay here, they’d rebel. The Great Halls are their homes. I’m demonstrating strength by standing here.  _ You’re  _ demonstrating even more strength by not fleeing like a cat-deer.” I knew his look was one of concern. He didn’t want to admit that he might’ve made a tactical blunder. “So we have to hold off a small waterbender raid with a few hundred men?” “Y...yes.” His staggering was worrisome. “But, by tomorrow, we’ll have a few thousand?” “That’s what the skiers claimed.” “Get something to eat, Kotyan.” “I… think I will, yeah.” and he went to sit down next to the fireplace. It lacked the Shamanesses, as they had been escorted away. 

I opened my flask and poured its contents into two goblets. Then we raised them and held a silent toast to the Empress and to the Empire. We couldn’t say anything, Kotyan’s hunting band was stationed around the room, but we both knew what we’d say.  _ ‘Ten Thousand Years!’ _ . After drinking, I had to spit out the liquid. “It’s like whiskey and ale had an illegitimate child!” I cursed the ceiling. Kotyan didn’t care, instead he just laughed at my plight. “Probably because there was a bit of the former left inside when you poured the latter in.” I thought about the preceding tally. “A few hundred? You remember when I commanded a few thousand militia and won with a few decisive lancers?” “Yeah” the King poured the last drops in. “Well, a few hundred is like a few thousand. We’ll outnumber them...I guess, right?” and he gave a reassuring howl of “We don’t need to. Reinforcements from Pangou will arrive by tomorrow.” 

But things are never this easy, right? So my wonderful cousin and I wander through the dwindling mob and outside into the cold,  _ no really, why is it so cold _ , twilight. Or was it daytime? Did it matter?  _ Maybe?  _ While Suki and I recieved dinner, if it could be called that,  _ a pile of jerky isn’t much of dinner, except maybe for the Empress _ , we listened to, as one woman I once knew put it, “the very romantic sounds of troops mustering.”  _ Okay, Toph, at what point did you ever attend one of those troop mustering musters?  _ Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. If she did, it would’ve been ‘oogie’ not the word that poets use. It was somewhat humorous to watch this force of people who all looked quite similar to one another, save the Xainza and their seashells and the Pangou and their reds-and-blacks, boss each other around. 

A column, no really, of ‘civilians’ carrying spears and daggers, dragged sleds of  _ stuff  _ with them. Mostly furs, more furs, some pottery, even more furs, and did I mention  _ furs _ ? One of these columns wasn’t a column, it was a couple of people and they ransacked,  _ I don’t know if that’s the right way of putting it but okay _ , the Chief’s personal hut. While inside, they did things.  _ Yes. How descriptive.  _ It wasn’t ransacking, it was transporting the Chief’s personal belongings southwards. Transporting the entire village’s belongings southwards. One of them, after leaving, didn’t join the rest of the mob in walking through the village entrance. She was carrying this  _ roll  _ of fur the size of a rolled up carpet. When she finally staggered over to me, she brought the carpet down to reveal that...  _ oh, you’re Sirin. You’re the less creepy one, right? _ Which, logically, made me go “You’re the less creepy one, right?”  _ Oh wait I said that…  _ No matter. She giggled. And she presented a rolled up fur with straps for... _ oh you’ve got to be kidding me _ … “Why...why are you giving me this?”  _ Why do you ask these things? Just accept others’ gifts and be quiet _ .

“Elder brother said you have a Chieftess, too. And you got this for her. So here it is.” “She’s not a-” my nose-bridge-pinch and groan made Suki giggle, and I swiped the large roll from her. “-You know what, yes, thank you.” “Chieftess? That means-” but I cut my cousin’s banter off. “Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.” “So instead of Princes and Princesses, you’ll make little Chieftains and Chieftesses-” I cut her off, again, with “Suki I  _ will _ -” I raised my finger as if to disagree with her and sounded like I was about to cave her head in...and found that a spear was pointing at me.  _ I’m very sorry, what?  _ “Gulc, No. He’s a  _ friend _ .” and Suki took the spear-tip and pushed it away from my head. “Who and why?” was all I could ponder. “I can’t help myself” and she flexed her muscles, casually pulled a dagger from somewhere, and kissed it’s hilt.  _ I’m not-so-sorry, what?  _

She justified that random action with “I gave them all a basic education in the Kyoshi Warrior-” I couldn’t yawn and speak at the same time, so I spoke. “Right. Right. Of course you did. Because you can’t just keep it in your-” She shoved the dagger back into her pants. I finished my statement, defeated, “-mind.” “How do I wear this?” I pondered, examining the strap. “You once wore Toph, did you-” I didn’t let her continue, I needed to clarify that “ _ She’s not a skin, Suki _ .” This meant nothing, she rephrased herself. “-Just stick it on your back like it’s a pack.” I stood up and grabbed this,  _ why was this moose-lion so large?  _ blanket roll and it’s accompanying straps and put it on my back. Get this, it’s much lighter than it looks. It’s large in size but it doesn’t weigh much. In fact, my  _ jian  _ probably weighs more. And the way this thing was strapped,  _ thank you less-creepy one _ , I can retain some agility with this. Which is why…I gave this to Sirin and instructed her “Hold on to this until I meet up with you again.” Why? Well I built up trust with her, might as well use it. Besides, how stupid would I be to  _ carry a blanket around  _ when I need to be light on my feet. Just because I could carry it doesn’t mean I should. She took it, she was really happy to carry it, and joined some other villagers as they walked out the ‘main’ entrance and departed south. 

We sat there, having dinner. Sustenance. Most of the food was meat and more kinds of meats and berries. Not smoked, fresh cuts turned into dinner.  _ It’s not like there will be a point to preserving them, we’re leaving soon _ . The King walked around checking each longhouse personally for the villagers having had left. As he walked, Asalup did his anointing. He anointed the present Chiefs, then the various warriors. Not long after he’d finished blessing the last of the retinues, the loon-grebes let out their  _ ooo-aaah-ooo  _ cries. 

Which meant twilight was upon us. Which meant nothing to us at the time. We just kept eating and enjoying the evening sky. The Warriors around us...weren’t as relaxed. Most had joined Asalup in prayer. They had their war paint applied to their faces. The same war paint from last time. The torches were lit as the Zheng village prepared for a night where almost none of its own villagers would be present. The King emerged from his inspection of his own village longhouses carrying a hunting bow and a quiver with a few arrows in it. He handed both to me, I took a moment to joke “Should I  _ bow _ ?”, which made him almost laugh, but instead just hand me the bow and walk past. He had business to attend to. He would stop at every Warrior, some stood, some sat for resting purposes, and speak to them. He wasn’t speaking for long, but his conversations often ended with hugs or shoulder-pats or mutual arm grabs or him  _ smiling _ . I couldn’t hear ‘what about’ because Asalup was  _ really  _ loud. Lastly, as we’d seen while walking around the village, the Zheng village ground was also populated with lots, and I mean  _ lots  _ of villagers who were ‘waiting for their families to arrive’ since the Xishan, for all they are individuals, prefer travelling with their families. Mostly Pangou who had come east at a previous summons. Their families had crossed their prospective River and, like many of the reinforcements from the west, were going to be arriving. Were. 

That horn. That horn sounded as Asalup was in the middle of asking for a blessing on endurance from The Great Hunter. That horn sounded… and that horn’s sound overtook his quiet speech. That horn emanated out of the woods to the northwest. And things changed. Everything...everyone stopped whatever they were doing. Walking, eating, listening, praying. Even Asalup. Everyone in the village from the youngest child to the old men that came along with Vachir. And Suki and I were in the middle of it all. “Was that-” Suki began, only for Kotyan to rise from his conversation with one young woman and for his voice to pierce the stunned village itself. “Everyone inside! Now! Light the fire! Light the fire!” and men and women came running in through the palisade ‘gate’, carrying all kinds of lumber and tinder and pine needles and moss and in some cases  _ clothes  _ and they placed them in the middle of the village ground. Kotyan emerged from the Great Hall bearing a torch and lit this huge pile, some ten feet wide at least, of gathered wood and burnable materials. The fire started small, somewhere in the southern side of the pile. But it blossomed. It bloomed like some kind of flower, quickly engulfing all of it thanks to the spruce and pine branches and leaves, er, needles. Then it blossomed into a tall pillar of grey smoke from all the moss. And then the horn rang out again. Was it much closer? Was the silence  _ making  _ it louder? I don’t know. 

“Suki…” but I didn’t talk to her, I looked over at the King. “Kotyan! You said the reinforcements would get here tomorrow!” “They  _ are _ .” Then he slowed down and came to a stop, as if his comment hit him with a realization. “The… we’re too few.”  _ We’re too few _ . “The horn! The Bastards are here…  _ early _ .” He ran up to me and gave me the quickest campaign plan in the history of plans. “We’re going to have to hold off until tomorrow, then!” Just as fast, he darted past me and back into the middle of the village. 

The King stormed through the village ground, stomping with every footfall, pointing at the gathered villagers and yelling “Grab weapons!” The women who were sitting there, waiting for their brothers  _ who’d never come… because the waterbenders are coming from the northwest _ … got up and ran inside to retrieve weapons. Warriors broke their formation to also run inside. Lots of smashing and some yelling as men and women came back out carrying bows, quivers, spears, axes, hammers, daggers and even just wooden sticks and handing them out to the mob of villagers. 

I didn’t need to understand their dialogue to feel the panic in the air. Shouts turned to screams which turned to calls to action and “Run!”. The torrent of Tribespeople who had gathered outside the palisade were now running inside. They flooded us and their panic robbed whatever cohesion we could’ve had. They were practically crawling over one another to get through the gatehouse. 

Asalup gave the loud command of “Shut the wall!” but nobody ran out to  _ close  _ the wall. Why? The swarm of villagers were pouring through it. Too many to stop. I pulled my bow off my back and walked over towards -but out of the way of- the entrance to the Great Hall, nocking an arrow along the way. And the soldiers… no… the  _ warband _ … I don’t even have the words for what they did. It was total chaos. Some ran  _ towards  _ the wall, axes and spears in hand. Others took out their bows and pulled back, taking cover near and around the string of longhouses. Then the horn, the nasal horn, rang out again. But this time… it was from  _ behind  _ us. And when it blasted, we all turned around as if to collectively say ‘how?’. It was in that moment,  _ that  _ moment, that Kotyan’s iron-faced expression broke ever so slightly. His voice, his deep, proud, ever-confident voice, snapped like a bone.

“We’re surrounded!” 

Battles don’t wait for their combatants to be ready. All our eyes could look southwards as a tall  _ wave  _ of water came from the east and...all those villagers that were in the process of running inside? Most were hit with a wave that froze solid as it hit them. The ones that didn’t? Hidden icicles, coming out of nothing and nowhere, with no commands ordered, stuck them through the chests. Others had these vertical discs of water slicing right through their exposed hands and unprotected heads. A mist of air came rushing in like a windstorm. A few of the survivors were frozen as they tried to charge the darkness. They… it’s like their organs were frozen. One man was able enough to let off a single arrow before being  _ grabbed  _ by a tentacle and dragged into the woods. Then the tentacles came. Men, women, people were dragged, kicking and screaming, over the frozen piece of land. Tentacles pulled them into the woods. The dark woods. The woods to which a  _ full moon  _ was rising behind. 

A commander takes the initiative. Kotyan, Captain of Toph’s Imperial Guard, did. Kotyan, King of the Xishan, dipped his  _ dao  _ blade in a basin of tiger-seal oil, then he touched the tip to the massive bonfire, lighting the blade like he was a firebender. He raised the blade high, attracting the village’s attention. “Xishan!” and he swung his  _ flaming sword  _ around, pulling together some of the warriors. “Kotyan!” the twenty different dialects shouted, cheering their King on. “Xishan!” and he stomped the ground. Icicles were sent at us. The smart among us dived out of the way. The Kotyan among us raised his blade and sliced them out of the air. It’s no surprise that Toph’s greatest student, taught to parry her  _ sharp, deadly  _ javelins with nothing more than his  _ mind, would _ be able to slice through icicles like they’re nothing.

He stomped the ground, raised the blade, and summoned an earth wall to blindly slam into the woods. People screamed, which was a good thing. Then he swung the blade around and pulled a chunk of earth out. Not just  _ a  _ chunk. A surface-to-air rock sized piece of earth. “Hayashi, grab this!” and I grabbed his fire  _ dao _ . He took a deep breath, got into a deep stance, and single handedly launched a four-man projectile up, up, up, and into the twilight. It crashed down somewhere beyond the village’s walls. Then he swiped the blade from me, pulled an earth wall up, and shuttered the village in. We were surrounded. 

He ran through this...field of people. Not soldiers. Not warriors. Men, women, children, most just wearing basic fur clothing with the occasional hunter wearing leather or iron...and he ran  _ up  _ to the gate. “We should get out of here” my cousin wisely offered. “ _ Yeah _ . Get out of here. You see the full Moon?” She spun in a circle until I pointed it out for her. “ _ Oh. No. _ ” “ _ Oh. Yes. _ ” For a first, she fell to her knees and offered a prayer to our mutual ancestor. 

Any thoughts of us leaving were crushed when Kotyan raised his flaming  _ dao  _ and yelled “Xishan! Today is the day we die! Do we die like the Bastard Sons o’ the North Star? Or do we die like  _ this _ ?” and he waved the fire blade around. Unsurprisingly, nobody went with the cowards’ way out. “A friend of mine once said-” and he made his voice sound far more inebriated, “‘-Ten Thousand Years!’” Then he stomped the ground, making us all shake. “Come on, brothers and sisters! Ten Thousand Years!” and he raised his hands like an orchestra's master.

“Ten Thousand Years!” chanted the men and women who, since time began, called for the deaths of the Earth Kingdom. “Ten Thousand Years!” chanted them. “Ten Thousand Years!” the King yelled. He gathered a band of hardy warriors and their heavy furs together. As if to one-up himself, he chanted “Onwards men! Let us pray for a quick death!” and he personally hacked the wall he stood before in two. With a flaming sword. Then he jumped up on an earth pillar. When he fell upon the earth again, the ground shook and a thousand pieces of ice shattered at once.

A Chief, a King, what have you...if a monarch  _ can’t  _ lead their troops on the frontline, what kind of monarch are they? When he cut that wall apart, and a physical wave of men clad in red, white and black face paint charged out of the gap, he was there, leading them. And when the darkness pulled a column of ice out of the ground and began flicking the top off, sending razor sharp discs towards the oncoming mob, Kotyan cut them apart like a cook slicing a fish. The ones that he could hit, at least. Others proved their sharpness as they cut large gashes in the faces and necks and chests of the men and women he ran alongside. 

The darkness was arrogant. From it emerged a force of scowling wolf helmets and their tall shields. As they came out of the woods, the waterbenders let loose with  _ four  _ streams of water that climbed into the sky before arcing down on the Xishan line in a large ice-spear. Kotyan kicked himself up, the ground being ground and not snow, and sliced the spear in two with his  _ dao _ . Once done with that, it took one kick of his to send him flying over his own men and crashing into the line as wide as what I could see, spanning from the ring of trees to past the palisade. As his fellow Warriors joined him, the two masses of together, hundreds, became one large blob of screaming and intense hand-to-hand combat. The darkness concealed most of it. 

Suki and I were in the gap, the gap in the wall, when a horn sounded from  _ right there  _ in the woods maybe a couple hundred feet over from us. Suki grabbed my hand and forcefully tugged me to follow her back inside the village walls. I looked back in time to see  _ another  _ force of wolf helmets come running out. Running. Not on skis. And they were holding spears with their shields thrown over their backs. I involuntarily shouted “Archers! Nock!” as I ran inside. Asalup saw what I was running  _ from  _ and yelled for his men, or his troops rather, to form a spearwall. 

So, they did. I heel-turned,  _ nock, draw, aim,  _ in one  _ miao _ , and,  _ thwick _ , struck one of the wolf-helmets in the face with an arrow. Then the spearmen… except they weren’t spearmen, they were just people… villagers… commoners… holding spears… formed a rough idea of a spearwall. It wasn’t packed together properly. It wasn’t organized correctly. They had ten different sizes for spears. Hunting spears, sharpened sticks, adorned with bone or stone tips. These were men -and women- with no concept of formation. Instead of having the first line pointing ahead, the second line pointing just above the first, the third pointing half-horizontal, half-vertical, the fourth, fifth and so on vertical… the first line had their spears pointing ahead and everyone behind them did their own thing. Some people tried overlapping their spears with the first line. Some didn’t. Most didn’t even have the range since these spears are three to six feet long and...oh yeah, this all happened in nearly an instant. Because battles don’t wait. 

Our spearline was...not a failure for the first part. Our lines caught them before  _ they  _ could form up, and their spears weren’t any longer than ours. So our front line, usually, got the first couple impales in. But the Water Tribesmen  _ backed up _ , and instead of our entire spearline marching forward, a few individuals did. And as they did, they were struck on the heads by spears being lowered since the Water Tribesmen  _ were  _ forming spearwalls. I could barely get an arrow in because men and women were swarming the spearline, trying to fill it up with ranks. And I know why. Children. Children were left, mostly over by the longhouses. 

Asalup had all the archers, which formed much of this panicking mob, aim _up_ and...arc their arrows over our side and try to hit the Water Tribesmen. Some archers did, drawing and releasing arrows that would launch themselves into the sky lit by the faint twilight and bright green dancing spirits before falling upon who, I hope, were not our side. These Water Tribesmen did a great job filing in through the gap but not as great a job with flank protection. Because this field of a thousand people outnumbered their, what, _fifty tops?_ , men by a thousand-to-fifty. But then...the horn rang again. This time from our _southwest_. And moments later, the southwestern part of the palisade, from here, it's pretty small, was washed over with a wave of water. After it was bathed in water, the water froze. Or...everything up to the top of the wall froze. _Does that mean waterbenders can only control what’s within their sight range? Oh, this’ll go unanswered, we’re in the middle of a battle_. Suki picked up a spear from the spear pile -a circle-shaped pile with all the tips of the spears pointing inwards- and yelled “Let’s go!”. I don’t know where ‘us’ are going, but I followed her. 

Asalup stayed behind, directing hunters to run around to the flanks of the Water Tribesmen and try loosing arrows in from behind -or almost behind- them. Suki yelled out “Girls! With me!” and we were joined by some of the women who had yet to join the spearline, mostly women armed with daggers or the occasional axe. “This isn’t an army!” I tried yelling to the Kyoshi Warrior ahead of me. But she didn’t care that much. “We need  _ something _ .” The wall was nearing. 

_ Blade or bow. Blade or bow. Blade or bow. Bow _ . Thanks to all the torches that were placed all over for guiding us, I could stop running and take my bow and some arrows out. The all-female battalion,  _ except it’s not a battalion _ ,  _ it’s like a platoon at best _ , stopped in front of the cracking wall. There was this noise of cracking ice, followed by chunks of the stone wall falling off. The women prayed to The Great Hunter. “Remember your training, girls!” the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors yelled in her motivational voice. She then tossed one of her companions her spear. The women seemed quite surprised to suddenly obtain a spear. One post of the palisade wall was being  _ sawed  _ by...I don’t know, a water axe? A water saw?. I didn’t care that much.

_ Nock. Draw.  _ The top part was chopped down, only to be grabbed by the very top by a water tentacle and the entire wooden trunk to be pulled out. With that  _ one  _ palisade gone, I could  _ aim  _ my arrow right through it. The water was raised up into a wave of water.  _ Thwick _ . Part of the wave fell.  _ Part _ . The left half of the wave.  _ Oh. No _ . The wave turned to  _ ice  _ as a man  _ out there  _ screamed in agony. The ice came down like a hammer, putting a large dent in the palisade wall. Posts fell inwards like falling timber. The girls backed up and took cover, getting out of sight.

_ Nock. Draw.  _ It was enough for our enemies. This ice block smashed the posts out of the way, forming a nice big wide entryway. A mass of men and their spears with thrown-over-back shields came running in, led by a man holding a bone-club of some kind.  _ Adjust aim. It’s just like a bird, except not at all _ . I picked out the bone-club man.  _ Thwick _ . The man took an arrow to the  _ chest  _ because my aim was a bit off. His chest was  _ armored _ . He wasn’t going to die. He did have the air taken out of him, as an arrow impact is quite stunning. He fell down, causing the men behind him to slow down. They stopped for long enough that Suki gave the command of “Charge!” in that voice that I haven’t heard in  _ so very long _ and the women broke from their cover and charged, swarming the Water Tribesmen from three directions.

Spears against daggers. Training against motivation. A couple dozen of them against very few of us. It was a bloodbath. The women got a few stabs in. The best could get an underarm or face stab in. Turns out, the Water Tribes have good armor that covers most of the body and protects against most kinds of blows. There were some archers Asalup sent over to me. They took to opportunism instead of volleys.  _ Nock, draw, aim, thwick _ . I saved some woman, probably a mother’s, life by hitting someone in his face. And then she took a spear-slice to the back of the head because  _ there’s just so many of them _ . She slumped over, leaking liquid from her head. It was too dark to point out the color.

Suki was able to get up close and personal with these men. She dodged a strike. She stabbed the striker in the face with a knife. Then she dodged a chest stab. She blocked multiple at once, jumping over the attacker, and kicking one of the Water Tribesmen dead-on in the face. She dodged a spear-strike, stabbed the man’s hand, took the spear for herself, and cleared a small personal circle for personal use. On and on. Dodging, punching, punching, kicking, elbowing, parrying and parrying, and…  _ well stop watching! Use your bow! _

_ Nock, draw, aim, loose.  _ Lower neck.  _ Nock, draw, aim _ . Someone’s hand.  _ Nock, draw, aim, _ someone’s unguarded leg.  _ Nock, draw, aim, _ another leg.  _ Nock, draw, aim, _ the gap where the helmet  _ doesn’t  _ cover the neck.  _ Nock, draw, aim, _ the chest of the man running towards me.  _ Nock, draw, aim, _ I missed.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ the head of a soldier who lost his footing.  _ Nock, draw, aim, _ I missed.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ someone’s face.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ a foot.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ a miss.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ another foot. I reached for my arrows, but I found that I had used them up.

Together with the other archers and Suki, we scared them off. We didn’t kill them all. Their survivors, some ten men, pulled back at the commands of one of them. Suki took the dagger from her hand and flung it at the back of one of them, making ten nine. The wounded Water Tribesmen were cut down by our archers’ sidearms. Knives and hand axes. Meanwhile, the nine because none as a familiar man yelled a howling battlecry, charging into the flank and hacking one man’s head off with a passing dao-strike while another man gave two scything motions and killed two people with his  _ guandao _ . And, of course, some...sixty? Seventy? Who joined them in their charge. 

The Captain made eye-contact with me and yelled out, in a questioning tone, “Your Majesty?” while forgetting where he was. “What are  _ you  _ doing over here?” I asked him. “The same to you!” he shouted, not a question. Then he ignored any possible response of mine as he ran inside, past me, and screamed like a wounded tiger-moose. He screamed really loudly. Why was he screaming? The…  _ six _ … of us that were still alive followed his run and spotted that the spearline  _ all the way out there _ was being... _ flanked _ . The right line of the spearline was being slowly rolled up by a Water Tribe spear and shieldwall. His pause was...short. He and his force of bloody men, the only one I could recognize, was the bald Girgen, charged. They didn’t bother with some kind of surprise attack scream. Seventy pairs of feet stomped as they charged in a counterattack. And the counterattack was joined by the rest of us, albeit at range.

Kotyan caught them off-guard. His fellow warriors enveloped the flanking Water Tribesmen. Sure, a braced spearwall’s great against riders and decent at anything with shorter range, but you know what a spearwall’s not that good at? Being flanked. Kotyan’s fire  _ dao  _ found itself having cut through the back of someone’s neck. His men’s axes aren’t that good fighting head-on against spears, but from this angle? Axes do well against armor. And even if they didn’t have armor, they’d still be faced with the brunt of tall burly men carrying  _ axes  _ and swinging those axes from overhead and…  _ yeah no they’re dead _ . Of course, Water Tribesmen don’t simply carry axes. Most also have these bladed side-arms. Whale-tooth scimitars. The ones that weren’t caught up in close quarters combat of their own and  _ might’ve  _ spotted Kotyan and his men as they chopped those to their left in twain with axes...those people drew their scimitars and fights became a competition of who can block first followed by who has quicker hands.  _ Pings  _ rang out. As we neared, it was hard to look over the fighting since they’re all a little below my height, men and women grunted, screamed and yelled. There’s nothing else I could say about it. I lacked a tactical oversight of it.

This engagement was finished up as Kotyan and his allies circled around the right flank, yes, they flanked the flankers, and rescued the militia -I’m just going to call them that from now on- by rolling up their assailants. Except… it didn’t seem like they had won. From where I was, I spotted a large number of the Water Tribesmen fleeing. And no matter how many  _ nock, draw, aims  _ I do, I couldn’t hit them all. Not that I had any arrows left to  _ nock, draw aim _ . Neither could the other hunters we had with us. From the little bits I could catch looking over the shoulders of fellow fighters, it looked to be roughly thirty or forty men that had escaped. 

“Is that...really it?” the King coughed, his  _ dao  _ held up, it’s flames wafting into the lightning sky. I commented “Maybe. Maybe not” as I walked up to his position. Suki tapped my shoulder and pointed at the full Moon. Then at the green lights in the sky. Then at the woods. I told him “They retreated.” Kotyan stabbed the ground with his flaming  _ dao.  _ Then he kicked the ground with his heel. “They  _ retreated! _ ”. 

The other soldiers that were with us gathered around their King. I turned around and looked at the battlefield. There was a large mob of militia here earlier. There was still a mob of militia, but...there were also lots of dead. Not as many Water Tribesmen as we...thought. And for every Water Tribesman, four or five of ours were fallen. We started with more than a thousand people, though that may or may not count Warriors and children. And a headcount showed that we took a sizable dent in that. It felt really mind-twisting. I’m so used to massive armies where each formation is five by twenty, but more recently, ‘five by twenty’ is a big number for me. If we were just… a couple commanderies further south… a few hundred fighters would be swamped in waves of green flags and low-quality no-quality trash disguised as infantry disguised as competent troops. But alas, here it was just us. 

It was only a  _ dian  _ of respite. A  _ dian  _ of gathering arrows and drinks. Of eating bits and pieces of jerky that we found. Of mothers tending to their children. Not even their own. All of us had...thought, no, we  _ prayed  _ it would be over. Suki wrapped up a couple people’s wounds. But the healers...they weren’t here. It was...just a couple hundred of us. Less of those were still able to fight. All the Chiefs were still alive. And we still had a large number of archers. It was a  _ dian  _ that passed like a few  _ miao  _ under the fast-paced stress of everything that happened. The blur of time, of grabbing bits of crushed food and throwing them in my mouth, of wandering around the courtyard, assembling an odd assortment of fletchings… it passed as a blur. The blur ended with the nasal horn blast. 

It was a horn blast that stirred  _ all  _ of us awake. “The night has now returned!” Kotyan yelled, pulling his flaming  _ dao  _ out of the ground. Many of the women who weren’t trained fighters started shaking. “Do we escort them south?” I asked the King. He was busy taking some deep breaths. “I...no…” he wiped some blood off his lips. “For as long as  _ that  _ burns-” and he pointed at the fire, then he palm gestured his blade, “-they will come for us.”  _ But...that’s… another sally of the Water Tribesmen...  _ my mind was still in a fog. Stirred to attention, but aback at  _ how few of us there are and... _ . I just… I couldn’t process  _ another horn blast _ . I know it happened. I looked at the ground, and all the spilled blood and  _ yes, this...they’re coming again _ . 

“This time...we go for their waterbenders” the King said, his voice hoarse. “How will we do that?” Suki pondered in the little amount of time we had. “We defend. Make them come to us.” and he got off his stone seat and began snapping out instructions. Archers, er, hunters, were to take up ‘ambush positions’, scattered far enough apart that they can’t be hit with ice spikes. We lacked their bending. We lacked their training. But we had hunters. And Kotyan realized that. “Vachir! Take three bands and go into the woods!” and the Zhag’yab Chief rounded up some of the surviving  _ actual  _ warriors, the word being somewhat subjective considering circumstances would dictate most of these people are untrained at best. After they took the skis, Kotyan ripped the eastern part of his own wall down to let them through. The rest of us? We formed up in the village ground, ten paces between each of us. And we were pretty far back. Kotyan ran along, pulling earth walls out to help us with cover. A wall to each of us. 

_ Nock _ . Kotyan took a position at the front of our scattered formation. Everyone from Asalup to Girgen who  _ could  _ hold a bow  _ was  _ holding a bow.  _ Draw _ . And we all pointed our bows at the few known entryways. And we waited. Children cried. The sky was alight with the green from the Spirits. The same Spirits that looked down on us, mocking us. It almost seemed like they neared when that nasal horn returned. This time, Kotyan took his horn and gave one strong blast into it. He really, really, wanted to let them all know he was here. “The Zheng do not go into the night!” he yelled. He added “Ten Thousand Years!” because…  _ well why not _ ?. It seemed like it worked.

A low wave, half a foot high of water washed out of the northern woods, gushing through the ‘gate’,  _ it’s just a gap _ , of the village and into the grounds proper. On this wave came one bender.  _ Aim _ . Then another. Then another.  _ Thwick _ . I wasn’t the only one who got that idea. The first bender took a couple arrows to the face as he tried to raise an ice-wall. The water itself stopped just before the bonfire, possibly due to a fissure that Kotyan kicked up. The second bender also took some arrows to the face and chest and arms and tumbled off his wave sending some of his own water splashing all over. The third bender pulled a water shield out, the arrows we sent at him ended up harmlessly bouncing off. He was joined by another five or six waterbenders skating in. You know what  _ doesn’t  _ bounce off? An earth projectile.

Kotyan pulled up a chunk of earth, a boulder, with his blade. He condensed it into something that intensely vibrated, as if a Spirit was inside it trying to claw its way out, then tossed the boulder behind the ice wall and we all got to watch it explode like a bomb. Pieces of shrapnel ripped through the kimono-tunics of the waterbenders. So many little pieces. “Earth bomb?” I shouted, in amazement. “Yeah! Toph taught me!”  _ Of course she did _ . The waterbenders couldn’t seal up their own wounds, for Kotyan pummeled them with  _ swing, boulder, swing, boulder, swing, boulder _ . 

Was it premature celebration time yet? No, no, of course not. Because running through the expanding puddle that once posed us a threat was a large continent of shielded men. Shielded. With shields. Asalup gave the equivalent ‘nock, draw, loose!’ commands, and we filled their shields, like total geniuses, with arrows. Kotyan pulled out a boulder again, began condescending it...and simultaneously, the Water Tribesmen deployed their secret weapon. Their secret surprise weapon. The front line ducked, letting a  _ full line  _ of men toss  _ boomerangs _ . Yes. Boomerangs. Thirty to forty boomerangs. The darkness shrouded most of them.

I’ve never seen a boomerang in combat before. I’ve seen other weapons. I’ve seen one man and his opinions on pacifist combat wielding a boomerang. But as he’s such a good shot he always hits them without killing them. Or… that’s what he tells the Avatar. I’ve seen archers loose arrows. I’ve seen javelineers. I’ve even seen a moody woman toss knives at people. But boomerangs...they were tossed  _ over  _ or out to the side of our lines. We released arrows,  _ do understand, all of this is instantaneous and before anyone has any time to recognize what’s happening, we have to act. _ Our arrows had an effect. A couple of their boomerang-tossers took arrows to their not-padded, not-armored fur clothes. All were mortal wounds save one arrow that hit someone in the mouth. The boomerangs? They came back around, as boomerangs are supposed to do. 

By the time my good eye blinked, screams and shrieks were let loose from  _ behind  _ me. Because I thought ‘are we being flanked’ I turned around and saw… the results. Boomerangs  _ lodged  _ in the back of some hunters’ heads. Boomerangs that had cut some hunters’ necks open. And they didn’t even get to  _ see  _ the weapons hit them. They just...stumbled, grabbed the back of their necks, and fell over. 

Worst of all... I looked over at Kotyan’s uncle and noted that his hair was all...shaved off below a certain point. The strands were in the process of settling. Before Kotyan could even say anything, the man drew his own small loon grebe beak hilted dagger and tossed it to the ground, buckled over with a hand on his neck, and slumped into a position that he was not going to rise from. The liquid that welled up in his hand...we couldn’t make out colors, it was too dark for that...but I knew what that was. We all did. 

I do not know what it is like to lose a sibling. My parents died not long after I was born. In all things but literal ‘who were your parents’, I’ve always seen Oyaji as the man who raised me and his daughters. His wife died giving birth to Lady Sai. My cousins, for a long time I thought of them as my sisters, were always jumpy and an active part of my life. I may not know what it’s like to lose a sibling, but I know what it’s like to lose a friend. The nightmares of those exact events transpiring, of those closest to me… of those I love… the kind of dreams all people have. It’s something different to  _ see  _ it in person.

Kotyan let out a roaring bellow, much like that moose-lion as it died. The nasal horn of the Northern Water Tribe sounded once more. And this time, waves of water came from north and from the southwest. I managed to take my head off the man holding his uncle’s lifeless body for long enough to go  _ wait… you were all waiting for this… weren’t you?.  _ They must’ve.  _ Why us? Why us? Why? Because you want to play with your food _ . “Asaaaaaaaluuup!” he bellowed. The waterbenders returned with their low rolling waves. Our archers had to spin around and launch whatever we could into whoever we could. And our arrows did nothing. They had ice shields. But then the earth itself shook, much like the drums of war. And the earth shook.  _ And the earth shook _ . 

And the Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Guard proceeded to draw his flaming _dao_ and his uncle’s dagger and do _really_ unspeakable things to the army of people who were cowering behind ice shields while pelting us with giant icicle artillery. He took to the earth itself and rode it like a wave. Right the line of Water Tribesmen and their boomerang friends. And his wave cast them aside. His target? Well I have no idea _who_ his target was, but as he tossed his two bladed weapons into two different men and resorted to using his _fists_ , _everyone_ who had dark blue on their clothes learned _why_ it’s not a good idea to annoy a metalbender. 

First, he staggered everyone with a single grand jump and, pulling a stone hammer out of the ground,  _ hammerfall _ . He buried the hammer in the ground and caused the entire village to suffer a minor earthquake. Then the master got to work. He pulled the boomerangs that some of them had recovered  _ out  _ of their own sheaths and twirled them around in mid-air before flinging them into whoever he felt like. Sure, they’d try to get a strike in, they’d try, and he’d just tear their speartips off either with metalbending or his  _ bare hands _ . Once sufficiently bored with the boomerang game, the first man he tackled had his head torn off like meat from a bone. Kotyan played earthball with it. He kicked it right into a passing waterbender. 

See...his tactic had attracted the attention of  _ all  _ the waterbenders because...well...would you rather all gang up on one man or try and attack the scattered formation of long-range archers? These waterbenders must’ve slept with one too-many cousin because they concluded he was the right target. As they surrounded him and pulled up ice pillars to  _ really  _ put the ‘pound’ in ‘smash’, he put the ‘head’ in ‘getting ahead’ by snapping a man in half with his hands, followed by  _ pulling his dao out of someone else, the blade happening to slice through two other’s heads on it’s way back to him _ , and start treating it like a meteor hammer. A flaming meteor hammer. A waterbender, sure, could pull up an icewall, but could this waterbender stop Kotyan personally headbutting that icewall in two before  _ chomping down  _ on the man’s throat? Nope. He couldn’t. He also couldn’t stop Kotyan burying a flaming  _ dao  _ in anyone and everyone’s heads. If the beast saw you, the beast would metalbend his blade around and into you. 

The regular infantry, the shieldwall, had seen enough and retreated. Not routed. Retreated. Their commander, I just missed his scimitar-wielding hand with one of my  _ thwick _ s, ordered them to pull back. The boomerang people didn’t. No. One smart,  _ smart, really smart,  _ wise man tossed his boomerang at Kotyan. Kotyan must’ve heard the metal coming because he stopped the boomerang as it approached, pulled it towards him, and traded places with the fist that  _ was  _ going to combine with some young waterbender’s face. Now, this stupid boomerang wielder could get gashed and slashed instead. And this wasn’t even the best part. 

No, no, the best part? The waterbender ‘commander’, whoever he was really doesn’t matter, tried to duel Kotyan. Not in the Empire’s style of dueling, but he was one of the waterbenders who hadn’t yet been killed or retreated. So he attacked Kotyan and Kotyan pulled his uncle’s dagger out,  _ he retrieved it from the neck of someone stupid enough to also try and attack him _ , and stuck the man in his forehead. Kotyan sliced off the commander’s hands and feet, then got to work. Kotyan carved a symbol into the head of the waterbender  _ as the waterbender writhed around, screaming _ . When he felt sufficiently satisfied at that, he snapped the man’s neck. No rock gloves or anything. Kotyan can just...snap people’s necks. No problem with that. 

He hopped off his own earth wave -he sliced the gap apart- and grabbed the dead man, dragged him all the way over to Suki and I, and placed him at my feet. The ‘commander’ had the logo of the Northern Water Tribe carved into his forehead. “To let everyone know who he is”, the hyperventilating man stated. I tried my best to give the man who was  _ steaming  _ a word of consolement, or attempted consolement. “You’re a good artist.” “My uncle was better… but… thanks.” and he...broke. 

No fancy ‘you’re the best person ever’ well-wishes from Suki or I. Not because we were bad people, Kotyan himself yelled “Stay on guard!” to the men and women gathered around. Yes, he took a few  _ fen  _ to cry. Suki helped turn the fallen Horn upright so at least he could have  _ some  _ dignity in death. Yes, Kotyan took a few  _ fen  _ to weep into my shoulder. And I felt obligated to be the shoulder to weep into since...well, Suki had wounds to tend to and Kotyan had no family present. The soldiers saw this. They saw their King crying and some random Chief guy who they maybe recently heard was the Emperor of the people that live to the south just...sitting together, not far from a fireplace. I certainly wasn’t acting like what they  _ think  _ a ruler is or what a ruler ‘is’ supposed to do. But I did it anyway. 

Because, as I said to him, “You’re like an adopted older brother to me, Captain.” and my well-meant statement was rewarded with some sniffling and ceasing of crying. “Thank you...Your Majesty...coming from you that means-” I interrupted him,  _ note, not a good idea to do _ , to throw in a bit of a joke. “Less than you hoped for?” I said it to ease the mood. Because there was a long night ahead of us. He sniffle-laughed into my shoulder. “Well yes. You  _ are  _ just the Consort afterall.” And he sat back on his knees. I stood up because… I wanted to look around. Suki was cutting apart furs of those that had died, they wouldn’t need them anymore, and used the furs to tie up wounds. Not everyone was dead. When I looked back at the Captain,  _ no, the earthbender one _ , he was  _ kowtowing _ . He was actually kowtowing. Those few of us still left… looked at this.

We started as easily over a thousand. Then the first wave attacked and we lost almost half. Maybe more. Maybe less. And for the half we lost, another half of the survivors were wounded. Then the second wave attacked...and even  _ more  _ people died to icicles and discs, not to mention the boomerang volley… 

We went from a thousand to what, two hundred? Fewer? And we didn’t have time to think that much about this. 

Chief wrapped his uncle in the Chief’s personal furs and used earthbending to dig a grave to put the body in. “No hill tomb for you, Uncle.” and he kowtowed to the hole in the ground. The Xishaners knelt. Suki and I joined him in the kowtow. He rose once more, his voice had properly returned. “We set out for the Si Gou-Yancun Pass  _ now _ !” and he poured water onto his blade, putting the fire out. Then he sheathed it.

I don’t really remember the rest. It was… tiring. The Chief was exhausted. The civilians, no, the  _ survivors _ , were murmuring in shock about...from what Kotyan told me, ‘abandoning’ a Great Hall. Kotyan gave some foggy order “We march to the Empire! Anyone who doesn’t want to live tomorrow, stay here and die!”. Something like that. He also ordered his remaining runners to spread out in all directions and tell the reinforcements not to come. He went to retrieve some skis from the Great Hall. By the time he returned, most of us had grabbed skis. Suki was adamant that we always keep three pairs near the three still alive ostrich horses. 

When he came back outside, while everyone  _ had  _ put on their skis, many still asked ‘Why’ he was leaving. He pointed at me. “The Emperor’s life is at risk! There’s no south to go to! I swore an oath to the Empire! We  _ also _ make promises!” and I really… I don’t remember if that’s what he said. Or if he said something else. Suki reminded him of our ostrich horses and we gathered  _ everything  _ we could carry; food, arrows, extra knives, provisions, cloth, and most importantly, alcoholic drinks loaded into flasks, and dispatched a now-returned Vachir with rearguard command.

  
  


The three of us mounted our ostrich horses and rode south in a daze. We rode towards the silhouetted peaks. The full Moon watched us. I remember turning around and looking towards the north. The last thing I remember before passing out was the Zheng Great Hall’s bonfire. The smoke was billowing...until it wasn’t. 

_ The waterbenders have taken the Hall. _

_ The hunters have begun their hunt _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the darkness chases the fleeing Xishaners.
> 
> It'll be a bit shorter than the usual chapter.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for the Polar Nightmare:  
> -The 'folktales' introduction sets the stage for the events in this chapter: the waterbenders are like folktales come to life.   
> -Some of the folktales are true. Some are not.  
> -If you read Shadow of Kyoshi, some of these stories may suddenly sound far more plausible.  
> -Mori's on-the-fly speech wasn't prepared, therefore it falls under realistic diction rules.  
> -Kotyan has to mix showing strength -that's the only way he maintains power- and letting his subjects get rights -otherwise they won't contribute their troops- and finally, doing what Mori wants. It's far harder than the writing implies, since the kind of actions that would be 'good for the Empire' are not the same that are 'good for the Pangou' or 'good for the Qiugou'.  
> -Something else I don't cover is that while Kotyan is King of the Xishan and the Xishan are strongest together, they will never be 'together'.   
> -A flaming sword, because you're attacking an enemy in the middle of the darkness, you need something to see with.  
> -There isn't much dialogue because I wanted to reflect the ebbing and flowing of battle.  
> -Normally, in fiction, the good guys win. That's a staple of fiction. Good guys can have worse training and come out on top in military engagements because of individual heroics. Time and time again with this chapter, that is not the case. Kotyan can bend, but he can't fight an enemy he can't see. The Xishan might be the 'good guys' of Mori's story, but they have no military experience. They can raid and hunt and ambush, but that's not the same as a siege or a pitched battle.   
> -Earth bombs were first shown in Shadow of Kyoshi. I figure someone like Toph would figure out the ability and teach it to all her students.  
> -Mori will have some...interesting...experiences with boomerangs going forward.
> 
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed.   
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, King of the Xishan  
> -[Asalup], Kotyan's elder uncle. A Horn, or battle-priest of the Great Hunter.  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's younger uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother. New Chief of the Zheng.   
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia also have pronounced cheekbones, alluding to them being the parent (not cadet!) of the 'cadet' branch of the Zheng.===  
> -Aepak, an older man, the Chief  
> ++Pangou:++ ===The Pangou are the most populist, their elite warriors wear furs dyed red and black===  
> -[Irge], middle-aged, the former Chieftess. Wields twin axes. Killed by Kotyan for disobeying his orders.  
> -  
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou tend to be the only Xishan with brown hair. They're the 'gatekeepers of Xishan' for guarding the main north-south pass===  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, the Chief  
> ++Zhag'yab:++ ===Zhag'yab adopted topknots for their hair style===  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, the Chief  
> ++Xainza:++ ===Xainza wear seashells on sealskin clothes instead of the usual fur===  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, son of Asayun, the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++ ===Lives in the mountains===  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.   
> ++Chatri++ ===Chatri are a smaller tribe located to the south of the Zhag'yab. They have large eyebrows.===  
> -Atrek, the Chief. A Horn like Asalup.  
> ++Ansai++ ===The Ansai are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan.===  
> \- Etrek, the Chief   
> ++Qiugou++ ===The Qiugou are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan. They have green eyes.===  
> -[Sevenc, 'The Young',] the Chief, killed by waterbenders.   
> ++Weiyi Shinjian++ ===The W.S. are a small tribe spread out across their respective foothills SW of the Si Gou===  
> -Cilbu, the Chief.  
> ++Qingjie++ ===Mostly live in bogs, prefer long matted hair, lanky===  
> -Borc, the Chief.  
> ++Drongnyen++ ===Minor tribe near Xainza. Also wear sealskin===  
> -Koza, the Chief.  
> ++Jissai++ ===Minor tribe near Yancun.===


	65. Into the Far North: The Xishan Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Xishaners are in limbo.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty One:

_ Hunts _ . Long ago, when Earth Kings didn’t just  _ talk  _ about their dominion, they showcased it, they’d take their retinues and their bows and go chase famed beasts across valleys and hills. Hundreds of riders and thousands of soldiers and entire commanderies of wilderness. The  _ departure  _ was grand enough to have it’s own paintings. The hunts take up long murals in the Imperial Palace Gardens to the north of the Palace proper. There used to be more, but the previous sovereign had a purge of hunting because he wanted to assemble a zoological collection.  _ It’s back now _ . Then they stopped, because I guess the Badgermole Throne’s too attractive as a chair. Or maybe they took to enjoying sitting on chairs more than running around. The Imperial Court is full of hypocrites. Sure, they’ll  _ talk  _ about how great a hunt is, just like they’ll talk about how great war is. And in neither event do I see the Minister of whatever grabbing some lamellar or brigandine, a  _ jian _ , and setting off to join a hunt or a war. There’s probably more sons of hunters residing in the far distant Huping in the Imperial Army than the entirety of the Court. And Huping’s mostly a bunch of stones with maybe four villages. Or...I guess it is. I’ve only ever seen the coast of it. Point is, like with nearly everything else, the Imperial Court’s got no idea what they’re talking about. But they’ll talk anyways. 

For the time I spent in Shirahama, I learned that the landed nobility, the lords of castles, the members of the Fire Nation’s hundred minor clans, the governors of towns and even the most minor garrison officer, they’d all go out on hunts. Those hunts weren’t of the same scale as the legendary Great Hunts of the Earth Kings of old, but unlike the Great Hunts of the Earth Kings of old, these hunts existed. Long ago, there was the art of dragon-hunting, started by some minor clan in the Mo Ce Isles. It’s long-dead. The people that worship strength are expected of such. I thank Kozuke for introducing me to this and taking me on as his personal quiver-carrier. I thank Lee for demanding that we rise at dawn to set out for the near woods to pursue cat-deers. Hunting a cat-deer is quite different from a bird, but like any foe, with enough practice and enough patience, it too will submit to a well-placed arrow. These simple hunts were held four, five times a season. Hunts acted as training for the garrison officers and a way for the Governor to check that his troops could still use their bows. The Daimyos and their little estate islands supposedly hold it even more often. Sure, firebending is useful, but not everyone can firebend. Everyone  _ can  _ learn to use a bow. 

No matter where one learns to hunt, or what they hunt, there’s a few fundamentals to it. Take, for instance, being stealthy. You don’t want to let the prey know you’re pursuing them. You want to be quiet. You don’t even want them to know you exist right up until you’ve loosed an arrow into them. You want to be quick but light-footed, able to catch up to a fleeing animal at best or maintain visual contact with it at worst. You want to have the right arrow for the right animal. Once the animal is struck, if it hasn’t fallen yet, you want to have the endurance to chase it until it  _ does  _ fall or until you’ve trapped it somewhere. And once it has fallen, you must skin it properly. Or defeather it. Or do as you must do to make best use of its resources. Of course, there are those who hunt for the sake of sport, much like the Great Hunts of old or the hunts I went on in Shirahama. And those hunters are admirable in their pursuit of ruthlessness. Why say all this? Because most of my life, I was the hunter. I was the one loosing arrows into the shallow end of a hidden marshy inlet, picking off waterfowl before retrieving both arrow and game, despite the cold water, to bring back to the village. I was the one journeying with high-ranked military officers and the Governor into the local hunting grounds. I was the one who would, one day, should I be able to get the logistics set up, go on a Great Hunt with the Empress.

And for those few days as we fled south from Si Gou, I and the rest of the Xishan were the  _ prey _ .

The first ‘day’,  _ no, that’s an injustice _ ...the first portion of this… hunt, was the most numbing. The chills of the air woke me up from my sudden passing out. Unlike the rest of the Tribals, the three of us had ostrich horses. Ostrich horses are quite capable of running over packed snow, so we weren’t held up like we might be on foot. Not that we saw any other skiers. Or saw anything. The sky wasn’t going to give way to daylight for many, many,  _ geng _ . We had no guides and had it not been for Kotyan’s...I don’t know, intuitive… knowledge of the terrain, we wouldn’t have escaped. I don’t even think he knew exactly where he was going, but he led the way and would occasionally bark orders to the two of us to turn left or right. Left or right of  _ what?  _ Suki and I didn’t know. Our three pairs of ostrich horse feet were usually all that emanated from the forest. If an army on the march is a military orchestra, we were three singers, three drunken singers, alone. Except… we weren’t alone. 

Sometimes,  _ sometimes _ , you’d hear it. The screams. Somewhere out to our west, or east, hidden by the darkness, you’d hear the screams. You’d only hear the one for a couple  _ miao  _ as it echoed off the trees and into the mountains themselves...and that would be it. Someone had their life essence ripped out of them by a icicle, someone was dragged into the darkness by a tentacle, someone was frozen solid. They tried to flee, but they didn’t know what they were even fleeing from. The darkness could take them from any direction. And it did. 

I can’t explain how it felt. Every time those cries would reach us, only to fade away, I felt my blood boiling. Innocent men, women and children were being...killed. Assassinated in the darkness. The stragglers. Maybe the old or the young. Those who had to camp out. Those who had fallen on the march. Those who had tripped. Any staggering, and you’d hear their shrill screams and that’d be it. If the darkness wanted to drive us into extinction, they’d have tracked us all down with ice-skating and killed us. Even  _ if  _ they had the potential to get tired, blood’s a motivator better than any. Except...it didn’t happen. 

In this true darkness, where we could barely see ahead of us, the world was far more massive than it felt. Maybe, maybe, five thousand Consort’s feet to our west, a convoy of skiers were crossing the darkness. Maybe not. The one time I did try to escape, to find out, to find them, to  _ help them _ , to save people as their screams went into the sky of the green dancing Spirits, to save people I didn’t know and were going to be dead by the time I’d reach them, my two bodyguards chased me and… Well… I don’t remember what happened next… I think I fell from my ostrich horse and slammed my foot into a boulder… but I woke up with my hands bound and resting on Suki’s back while my ostrich horse was led along to our side. I asked “Why stop me?” and they both insisted that “As the bodyguard for you, and the bodyguard for the Empress, we have the authority to prevent you from getting yourself killed.” Kotyan was right. Sure, 

I also got quite angry that we weren’t saving them and yelled, again, and again, and again, that “We should save them! We should do whatever we can! We should! The Emperor does not let others die!” The ostrich horses came to a stop, Suki dismounted and rigorously shook sense into me and whisper-yelled “Do you want to die  _ here _ ? Like an idiot?” I couldn’t fight against her shaking and I also knew she was right. I didn’t want to accept that she was right but I had to admit that one man against a bunch of night hunters...there would be no fight. I submitted, “Fine. You’re right.” and swore quietly that “A day will come, a day when I  _ will  _ get to defend others. I’ll be the rearguard, I’ll protect others. I will get my revenge.”  _ It will come. One day, I’ll get to save those who can’t defend themselves. One day. _

I can’t say the Spirits were fortunate or favoring us. I know that, at some point, the green spirits on high had retreated northwards. Maybe we had won?  _ No, victory doesn’t taste so… uneasy.  _ We had survived a night. For a night…  _ them _ … they could ravage the northern spruce forests. For a night, however long these nights last, nothing sprang from behind us and cut us to pieces. If it was there, it could have. Nothing stopping it. No earthbenders capable of tossing hilltops at people. No master waterbenders. Definitely not the Avatar. And if the Spirits really  _ did  _ favor us, they were doing an excellent job of helping. It’s becoming more and more often that I say ‘listen, your spiritual beliefs are just...wrong’ but whatever these Xishan were believing in wasn’t helping. Maybe it’s because our rivals can pull weapons out of the ground itself and Spirits have got nothing to do with it. Maybe not. The Spirits exist. There have been folktales of ones that emerged from the Spirit World to hunt and prey upon humans. There have probably been Spirits that took sides. That’d just mean...either the Great Hunter is a fiction, a story told to children, or he isn’t answering these people’s last- _ miao _ prayers as they’re struck down. Or the Spirits have sided with… the darkness.

Then I thought about it, as foggy as I was, and the delusions made me realize  _ who  _ was hunting us.  _ The darkness was the Northern Water Tribe. A culture of fellow hunters. Even the most basic of hunters doesn’t drive a species to extinction. They need the prey to stay around for their sons to hunt. So they hunt, they don’t exterminate. Not that they asked the prey if they could hunt. And their prey are people. They don’t hunt with honor, they hunt with terror.  _ That’s why they hadn’t killed us all.  _ They want to hunt.  _

The second day, I awoke to… being elbowed in the chest.  _ That’s not nice _ . “Drink this” followed by someone, the voice suggested Suki, shoving something into my hands. I opened my good eye to see that it was bright out.  _ It’s bright out _ . I grabbed the flask, uncorked it in an involuntary reaction, and guzzled it down like a parched ostrich horse having spent the past weeks in the desert. “This is...needed.” then I was proven wrong when I leaned to Suki’s side.

“Sunlight! It’s the sunlight! It’s the daytime!” I shouted one exclamation after another after another. We were in the  _ day _ light. It was the  _ day _ . I cried out in merriment so hard that I fell off the ostrich horse. My face collided with a blanket of soft snow, my undone hair fell over my head, and all of me got a nice layering of snow. Then, some hands grabbed me. Those hands were… not Suki’s hands,  _ no, she couldn’t have fallen off the ostrich horse that fast _ ...and I got my answer soon enough. I was helped to my feet by a young man wearing seashells on his clothes, his black hair hidden beneath a tiger seal-skin cap. He spoke no words to me, nor a head nod. I, in return, nodded to him,  _ because that’s what you do when you can’t thank someone, right? _ , before the two of us were interrupted by the Captain, or rather, the  _ King _ , yelling “You want to get south or not?” to me. 

Then I noted this man’s footwear, skis, and noted my surroundings. A column of people on skis, men, women, children and the occasional wolf-dog. Some were in the forests to the side. I looked ahead, except ahead was  _ down _ , for we were… descending.  _ We’re descending.  _ Far ahead of us, which was actually  _ below  _ us in elevation, the canopy of forest gave way to a  _ lake _ . And the forest… it was thicker than before. And the canopy was a canopy. In the distance, below the Sun, a lake with some islands in the middle. A long lake.  _ Lake Nanshi.  _

“What happened?” I asked the King while resaddling an ostrich horse. My ostrich horse, assuming I followed Suki’s rule of “As long as you don’t run off on us again” to which I -having forgotten my bout with madness from the prior night- nodded. “We came south” the self-titled monarch of all lands north of us informed us as he turned his mount around.  _ Yes, we came south. I can see that.  _ I looked at the mass of people...there was no ‘formation’ to them. The only unity I could detect were a couple men, women and a bunch of children would be gathered together, all on skis.  _ Families?  _ In some cases, I’d spot a man, woman and some children huddled together on a sled drawn by wolf-dogs, slowly weaving its way alongside the rest of the foot-people. 

“How…” I paused because ‘how’ is the wrong question,  _ of course Kotyan could manage to command these people,  _ “How did you convince them to go south?” and I didn’t need to gesture to the horde of civilians. “The Chiefs met with me last night. We had two options. Stay at the Pass and die, or go south. Most of the civilians chose south. Into the Mountains. These were just the ones that  _ wanted  _ to come with us”  _ But… your people… your whole nature is to stay and fight.  _ “Why didn’t the Chiefs protest? Wouldn’t they stay and fight?” Suki gave me this look of ‘what did you just say?’ like I was some kind of idiot. Then I learned why. 

“This isn’t some folktale. We...we  _ saw  _ what was out there-” and he spun his mount around to point at the land behind us, the land that didn’t look higher than we were but  _ was _ because  _ I came up this road once before _ . “-and it doesn’t matter how strong one man is, we can’t face down a full  _ navy  _ of those… things… of… of  _ them _ ” and his finger.  _ I...well I would’ve stayed and fought. One day I will _ . _ I suppose _ . “Then where are we…”  _ no, that’s wrong _ , “Where are the Xishan going to go?” and I looked down to my side at a family pressing themselves forward with ski poles. A man at the front wearing a spear and bow, followed by a woman and her bow, followed by a daughter on her skis. “Anyone coming with me is going to go for the Xiongnu Wall. Lots of others had already broken off, to take to the Sky Peaks.”  _ I...what? But you’re...you’re  _ “You’re...what the wall is keeping  _ out _ . Why...”  _ Suki, do I deserve that glare? I didn’t mean to be offensive.  _ “And  _ you’re  _ not from Xishan.” 

Reflexively, for I assumed he was doing things without my bidding, I yelled “ _ You didn’t think to ask me first?!? _ ” as if I was a moody waterbender. The King had, for a  _ miao _ , a look of worry-filled confusion. “I...did you not want us to…we… we can’t just turn around.” Suki then jumped in, “We  _ had  _ to help these people. It’s what Kyoshi would’ve done.”  _ Both of you, stop. I mean...you can’t… relax, we’re being chased by… them, but…  _ I couldn’t raise my hands to be defensive but I could raise my voice. “I didn’t mean what I said! No, no, I’m fine with… yes, I’m fine with these people… but the rest of the Empire might not be…” That quelled both their spirits. It relaxed Kotyan’s tension and it calmed Suki. “That’s where you’ll come in” my wise cousin offered with the voice of an up-to-no-good-er.  _ I can’t believe we’re doing this _ … 

I believed that we were ‘doing this’. At no point did I ever voice hostility against the Xishan Tribes. Their war was never my war, their people never did my ancestors wrong, nor are they anti-Kyoshi’s Ethics. But on a larger scale, a more mature scale, one where I’m not just ‘me’, I’m the representation of concepts and systems that just...exist, that are far larger than Kotyan, Suki, I or even Her Imperial Majesty herself, such an action would be...massive. The Xishan  _ are  _ at war with the Empire. The Empire  _ does  _ have a giant wall built to stop the Xishan from doing exactly what Kotyan wants them to do. Then again, all of this was in a momentary decision. A panicked King trying to make the best choice for his people. I’m unsure of anyone who wouldn’t think as rashly under such circumstances.

The second ‘day’ passed like a feverish dream. The Sun was beaming down on us. We were able to  _ see  _ the forest. The dark green hues of the conifers. The browns of their trunks. The blackish-coloring that gave the black spruces their names. The reddish cones that gave red spruces their names. Tall pines with their stand out lack of a cone top. Everything from the largest snow-capped rounded peak of the Eastern Yancun Mountains to the smallest brownish-grey chickadee-thrush as it crossed from one side of the old Royal Road to the other. 

Beneath this warm washing of yellow, an army of noncombatants marched. Browns and greys, reds and blacks, war paint on some, bloodstains on others. Some had arms or chests wrapped in cloth of some kind. Halfway through the ‘day’, when the Sun reached its highpoint, a low point in the south, scouts reported that our pursuers,  _ them _ , had let up. They were no longer on our tail. In fact, they had seemingly vanished. This didn’t stop Kotyan from ordering that we progress southwards. Why do I call it a feverish dream? Because it felt surreal. “There’s no way we’re free” I said to Kotyan while both of us rode on forward down this decline. He nodded.  _ Perhaps they wanted Xishan and Xishan alone? No… that… no… that seems too coordinated.  _

A hunter does not spring his hunt upon his prey. Then the prey would be scared off. Scared prey runs. Running costs time, and fleeing prey might even flee. A wise hunter does not let his prey know he follows them. A wise hunter tracks from the distance. When the time is right, the hunter will appear to lose his arrow. A good aim and the prey is dead within a few  _ fen _ . Poor aim and the prey might bleed out at best in a few  _ dian _ . At worst, the hunter misses and the prey runs. The worst hunters might spend  _ days  _ tracking their prey. Those hunters tend not to track such prey since a forest can have dozens or hundreds of cat-deer in it. But for a more valuable query, like a moose-lion with extra large antlers, a hunter may give chase. The prize is worth more than the effort. During this chase, this hunter does not give up, but he also does not let his prey know he follows them. The prey may stop to rest, and when the prey stops to rest, he launches another arrow. If he caught up in time, that is. Other hunters, wiser hunters, have better tactics to use… Tactics that let the prey know of the hunter’s presence… tactics that tire the prey out. Tired prey dies. 

_ ‘Ooo-aaah-ooo _ ,’ the loon-grebe’s wail echoed off the mountains themselves. The second ‘night’ came when the Sun sank behind the Western Yancun Peaks. I can’t explain how much I wished to just stop and soak up all the sunlight I could. Or prayed that the Sun just stay up,  _ just a little longer _ . Sure, I grew up on Kyoshi Island, but there was a difference. The second ‘night’ was a far cry from nights on Kyoshi Island. The three of us, for one, kept going south. “We need to make as much ground as we can as far as we can!” Kotyan yelled to his two followers. For a second thing, there was no… lively evening. The line of people to our side, some now carrying torches, were in no mood for a Kyoshi Islander night. I spotted no campfires. No music was sung. Nobody halted. We kept on. 

The few that did were ‘going to get a quick lie down’, in the hard to understand dialect of the Northerners. I didn’t say anything. Suki didn’t say anything. Kotyan would tell them not to, but he couldn’t do much beyond that. The three of us were too busy being consumed by that…  _ dot _ … that single light on the horizon, to tell people that if they stop, they  _ will  _ die. That single dot… that was our salvation. That single dot would rescue us. Kotyan tried that the first couple times, but the families didn’t care. He can’t ‘order’ someone to keep going. He had no bodyguards or personal retinue with him to  _ force  _ them to keep going. He could threaten them with his blade, but what good is that? If they wanted to stop, they would stop. If they wanted to stop, they would die. 

That second night felt like it would never end. I remember cursing the salmon-bass scar that crossed our heads. A beautiful scar. This was The Great Hunter’s lands, right? This was where The Great Hunter protected, right? He was going to,  _ what _ , lob meteors at  _ them _ … those that lurked in the darkness behind us, right? A Horn, a battle-sage from the Si Gou tribe, claimed that the lack of the green Spirits was a portent of our victory. Of our survival. He also claimed this while draining the blood of a caught loon-grebe and anointing himself with it. But nothing  _ about  _ the night smelled like a victory. I know, I know, the ale was getting to me. But victory has a certain taste. A relief. This feeling that ‘everything is over’, the kind of feeling that soldier turned poets talk about. The feeling that usually is followed by them returning to their farmsteads and kissing their wives. I know what victory feels like. Or… I used to.  _ Before the Immortal met me at Caldera and told me that my conflict had just begun _ . That while the Fire Nation was defeated, the Kingdom was always going to be at war with itself. Even despite this, I still know the taste of victory. It is when a flag is planted atop a tundra mountain. 

And as we travelled south, as near as that dot on the horizon was, a cluster of huts around a tiny fort was, I still felt that dread in my chest. Because...well nothing felt complete. Sure, the Horns might proclaim what they perceive as news, but are these not the same Horns that ignore all sense of strategy and mindlessly send their men and women into battles? Was the Last Kazarig Chief’s Horn wise? We later found out that his Horn told him to march where he did. Was he wise? Was he? I don’t know. No, I don’t think he was.

The second night felt a mix of exhaustion and  _ just… a little further… the dot is right there _ . The dot  _ was  _ just there. Beyond that dot, a Royal Road south. Beyond that road south, a wall. Beyond that wall, a monorail line. Beyond that line,  _ home _ . And as I thought this, the Empress of Ten Thousand Years was probably sitting down to a wonderful dinner, maybe a play and dinner. Sure, the ‘day’ was short and I had no excuse to be as exhausted as I did. 

The trees… more than once I  _ thought  _ things lurked in them, even if they didn’t. Even  _ if  _ Suki’s reassurances were well-meaning, going so far as to stop and offer a hug, I still felt this dread, this fear that seeped out of the darkest depths of the canopy to either side of us. The hooting of owl-falcons didn’t help. I was driven to madness from all of this. If I fell asleep, I’d never wake up. If I stayed awake, I’d be in no condition to fight. I forced myself to be awake by watching the scar in the sky above us. By watching the Moon, a bit less full, as it slowly crossed the southern sky.  _ The Sun never rises in winter, and the Moon is ever present _ . 

At  _ some  _ point, I had fallen asleep. The stress had gotten to me to the point it invaded my own thoughts and after doing that, it was a battle of the wits that I lost because I’m the tree-man. I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep until I was woken up by Suki. So my cousin did the most reasonable things while I had passed out. One, changed my bandages, and two, tossed me onto her ostrich horse so I could rest against the nearest available cushion of some kind, her furs. She woke me up because “You need to get something to eat” since I guess going without food for a whole night is a... _ bad  _ thing?  _ Sure, why not _ . Kotyan tossed her a piece of jerky, then she handed it to me, then I tore it off bit-by-bit with my teeth. I don’t know if that counts as food, but the taste of some kind of animal’s meat was enough to revitalize me. That, and the cold North Wind blew down at my back, biting at my neck  _ just enough  _ to wake me up. And it was a good thing I woke up. 

A  _ dian _ , maybe it was more, later, a runner, er, skier, came from ahead of us. He was skiing in the wrong direction, which could mean anything but after a shout of some kind to Kotyan, “King!” He stopped his ostrich horse and turned to the side so the skier wasn’t looking eye-to-eye with an ostrich horse’s beak. One brief conversation later, Kotyan yelled for “Warriors! On me!” and Suki gave me a back-glance of ‘what’s going on’ that I could only reciprocate with the same look, albeit one-eye less. “What’s happening?” the two of us asked him at the same time. “Mercenaries blocking the road up ahead. Attacked our scouting party.” and a band of warriors, Tribesmen and Tribeswomen, wearing a variety of styles, skied over to us. The band of dark blue in the southern sky meant one thing.  _ Twilight is upon us once again _ .

The scout claimed there were only some twenty-odd mercenaries who had ambushed the lead party and drove them back. As such, in a momentary decision of ‘do I halt everyone or do I take what is necessary’, he went with the later. Because it’s hard to think on a larger scale when a panicked young man arrives yelling of his fellow scouts being cut down. Kotyan rallied a couple dozen men and women, armed with the standardly unstandard hunting bows and hunting spears. Mixed remnants of hunting bands gathered together to sally against enemy mercenaries.

I went for my bow but Suki held my shoulder, “You’re still injured”, since, afterall, I had a knife wound in one arm, an arrow wound in the other, an arrow wound in the torso and  _ many  _ bruises across the chest and torso from being Kozel’d. This wasn’t going to stop me. “Can I at least go ahead to  _ watch  _ the fight?” She didn’t say anything. 

I jumped off her ostrich horse and after licking some snow to help get my blood pumping, I know, how smart, I got on  _ my  _ ostrich horse and the two of us snapped our reins to go after Kotyan and his band. Ahead of us, the lone glowing dot revealed itself to be the faint outline of an artificial hilltop fort…  _ We’re so close… only a few thousand away. We’re so close. We could be there in no time at all.  _

But… the sounds of war caused the two of us to stop. Up ahead, Kotyan was pulling hard on his ostrich horse’s reins and the men and women around him were yelling taunts. Ahead of ahead, a line some three men deep spanned the roadway. The line itself was formed of spearmen.  _ Spearmen _ . They were braced in a spear-wall with all three rows’ spears facing us. The lowest was parallel to the ground, the second was parallel to the first except held over the first row’s shoulders and the third was halfway between horizontal and vertical. They looked more ready to brace a charge of riders than halt a line of ranged skirmishing foot troops. 

The egg began cracking.  _ Crack _ . Kotyan drew his  _ dao  _ and waved it about. The band of thirty of ours pulled out their bows and nocked their arrows. Only as their drawstrings were pulled back did the opposing force of men realize that no, the famed Xishan hunters weren’t going to charge them.  _ Crack _ . A dozen  _ twing _ s. A dozen arrows struck home in the opposing line. Suki and I rode up to the impromptu battleline. We rode up to Kotyan and his commanding voice. The enemy spearwall broke formation to charge us. But they had a few hundred feet to cross. And that was more than enough time for arrows to find places in their  _ surprisingly  _ lightly armored selves.  _ Crack _ . Chests, arms, faces, legs. 

Many were receptive of more than one arrow. Some survived long enough to  _ almost  _ reach us. Almost. The Xishan were fast with their draws. A benefit of being a culture of ambushers. But as we finished off the last of this line, Suki remarked that “these men weren’t locals. Haven’t they and we learned that those tactics don’t work against the Tribes?” Kotyan turned partly towards us and replied “Spearwalls. Holding the line doesn’t work when we’re on the move.”  _ Crack. Crack. Crack. Boom _ . 

“Because…. What you just said!” I yelled.  _ On the move.  _ “What did I just say?” the King pondered with a confused look at me. “You’re… you said it. We’re not  _ on  _ the move. Spearmen aren’t for on the move, they’re for holding the line!” Suki’s response of “And so?” would normally be appreciated, for in her mind it was quite possible that I was inebriated on sluggishness, but this time it wasn’t. “And we’re halted…” but his conclusion was prematurely cut off by a horn.  _ That  _ horn. The nasal horn. I looked down at the snow below us and…  _ by Kyoshi… we’re on snow _ . 

Out of the woods to our west… countless men wearing the exact same light armor except dyed orange.  _ Orange _ . Padded fur robes. Not lamellar, not tunics,  _ fur _ . I couldn’t look for long, we were hastily surrounded on three sides, the fourth being the eastern woods, by men with spears.  _ Are you mercenaries? Why wear orange?  _ I wasn’t going to find out, the western men formed a spearwall and started prodding at us. 

“Why aren’t they charging?” I shouted. “You  _ want  _ them to?” the Kyoshi Warrior countered, drawing her dagger  _ like that’s going to do anything against a spearman _ . “No, no, why  _ aren’t  _ they?” I asked, eyeing the front rows. “Because they’re spearmen!” the King yelled, circling around the two of us, the men and women following his mount to form a circle of archers facing outwards.  _ Yes, they’re spearmen. But spearmen…  _ “They outnumber us ten to one!” I announced. “ _ What,  _ did you count?” my esteemed cousin snapped back. “Yes. They outnumber us! They could easily win!”. Kotyan’s hunters ran and loosed arrows at the same time.

Sometimes, being at the back of combat is more useful. Oversight, tactical awareness, all of that. And yes, I understand the hypocrisy of being the hub of a wheel of archers, but compared to being the wheel, the hub is ‘at the back’. And watching the archers of this three-fourths circle loose arrows erratically against this mob of cyclically advancing forward and backing up men… it made me think. 

For one thing, they  _ had  _ the numbers to encircle us. They also had the numbers to overwhelm us.  _ So why aren’t they?  _ For a second, they were deliberately  _ not  _ in the eastern woods. _ They’re not there _ .  _ Unless… they’re hiding _ . “Kotyan!”  _ Thwick.  _ “Yes?”  _ Thwick _ , the man called back, his head swiveling around to summon a boulder from the ground. “Why aren’t they in the eastern forest?”  _ Thwick.  _ “Maybe they are!” he shouted in reply. Then he pulled his  _ dao  _ out and summoned a boulder to toss against the enemy spear line. It drove the spearwall back, but not into a rout. He then issued a command to his troops in his dialect. In the meantime, I looked to the eastern woods. The canopy was too thick to see through.  _ Wait a miao. Eastern woods… the fort’s right there… it’s just to our south… this…  _ “Kotyan!” “I’m a bit busy!” the busy man replied. “What’s to our east?” I shouted,  _ trying  _ to look, hoping that I’d see what the dreaded feeling was simmering towards. “The Emperor’s Rest! Lake Haidian!” “ _ Lake _ Haidian?” I asked, rhetorically. “Yes, Lake Haidian!” My cousin shouted to me, like it wasn’t clear.  _ Lake…  _ I got it. Then I  _ got  _ it.

I screamed “They’re trying to push us into the lake!” and my two companions turned towards me at the same time. Their eyes didn’t understand what I said for that first few  _ miao _ . They comprehended the words ‘trying’ and ‘push’ and ‘the lake’, clearly, but they didn’t  _ get it _ . Then Kotyan had this face of a man who had seen a dragon appear from the skies above. This ‘oh no’ face of shock and paleness. And Suki had the face of someone who saw something similar. “Into the lake-” said the first. “-because of the  _ water _ ” finished the second.  _ Yeah. The lake. Water. The way Chief Sevenc fell. Waterbending. Waterbenders. We’re the bait _ .

Wiser hunters know when to employ terrain to their advantage. When pursuing a cat-deer or any four-legged game, know that they struggle with crossing rivers. They don’t  _ want  _ to cross a river if they don’t have to. So if the pursuer can pen the animal in and force him to run up against a river, or lake, or any body of water, he will be trapped. A trapped cat-deer is an open-to-loosing-arrows cat-deer. This is just with the conventional use of an arrow and a bow. If you’re a waterbender, then it’s even easier.

So far, the hunting has discussed a long-winded pursuit of a single animal. What about herds? Just as with earlier, know how to avoid being heard or seen or smelled by the prey. Know that the first arrow is the end of stealth and, hopefully, the end of the hunt. When hunting a herd of cat-deer, the Shirahamans -as few as we were, compared to the grandeur of the Earth King hunts of old- wouldn’t conglomerate together. We’d be spread out across the forest of hardwoods. When prey was spotted, the Governor used to cut one cat-deer off from the rest of them and I’d stay by his side as he chased that single cat-deer. I, of course, would be following the Governor personally. Hunter’s horns would summon the other riders to help pen in the cat-deer. 

Who needs verbal communication of orders, right? Just do as I do, run my ostrich horse towards the pointy, pointy, wall of spears that was only filling out with more ranks. Then, because they picked up their spears and marched forward, halt and take out my bow.  _ Nock, draw, aim, oh come on, hand slipped. Aim?, thwick.  _ I’m happy to say my mounted archery skills aren’t as bad as they could be. I  _ was  _ like thirty feet from him, so maybe the chest hit is excusable. Maybe not. The rest of the Tribals had taken to forming a tight mass with full awareness of my plan…  _ yeah right _ . They noticed me and my genius and because like minded people know how to befriend one another,  _ charged _ . And by charged, I mean they ran up to the spearwall,  _ up  _ to the spearwall, and released arrows from a comfy ten feet away range.  _ Ouch for all of those mercenaries that really really want us dead _ . Some of them swapped bows for spears, some swapped bows for enemy spears, and Kotyan swapped one man’s head with a boulder.  _ Nock, draw, aim anywhere, really, anywhere, thwick _ . Kotyan condensed a boulder once again, yelled “Hayashi!” as if to warn me to get down, I ducked, and he threw the boulder behind the enemy line. Everything shook, everyone started screaming, and the mercenaries sustained lots and lots of casualties.  _ Rock pellet shrapnel… the best artillery, ever _ .

Kotyan jumped off his ostrich horse and upon hitting the ground, sent out a rippling shockwave of earth that staggered that entire direction of people. With them downed, the Xishan had an easy time stabbing them. He got a few slices in, namely when someone got back up, tried to block his  _ dao  _ with a spear shaft, only for Kotyan to headbutt them  _ then  _ stick the pointy end of the  _ dao  _ in that man’s face. “Kotyan! The fort’s right there!” I yelled over the sounds of men crying out. He looked at me, then at my finger, then at the silhouette of the hillfort, and he nodded. 

He took his  _ dao _ , yelled for dramatic purposes, and stomp-kicked himself into the air, only to come back down in the middle of the spearwall, his  _ dao  _ lodged in one man’s head in particular. The spearwall backed up as best as possible, since I guess nobody wants to be stuck next to Kotyan. For good reason. The man got his  _ dao  _ back in one hand and a spear in the other. He kept the spearwall at one spear’s length range. Those who didn’t want to obey  _ his  _ rules, all ten of them, were cut down by  _ dao  _ strikes. 

During all this, looking northward revealed a mob of men and women on skis holding bows poling their way towards us.  _ More Xishaners _ . Leading them were two people. The one on the left had a cat-deer helmet. The one on the right was bald and carried a giant  _ guandao _ . As more orange spearmen piled out of the western forest, mostly on skis, the Xishan loosed arrows on the fly. It became kind of ridiculous to try and tally up how many were getting killed by mobile archers. They’d try to exit the woods and would be immediately pelted with arrows. Well-aimed arrows. Then those same Xishan foresters turned their bows towards their King, who was playing a game of ‘who wants to come near’ with a wall of men. 

They weren’t many. Ten? Fifteen people at the front of this scattered ski corps? Those were still fifteen arrows that found their marks in the chests and backs of this spearwall. As they whizzed past, I opted to  _ nock, draw, aim, thwick _ , again, and again, and again, and again, and again. One to the head, one to the chest, another chest, miss, and another chest. We were trimming this force of… whatever they were… down quite easily. And before we knew it, Kotyan was joined by his allies, Large Bald Man With Polearm and Agile Archer Man. 

The former pretended that he was cutting wheat and swung his  _ guandao  _ around, forming a  _ guandao  _ sized hole in the middle of the spearwall. The latter went back-and-forth, up-and-down the line, just out of stabby range, well within arrow-loosing range. Not to mention all the nameless Xishan with their bows, contributing to this tally of dead orange people. With the last of them dead, the force let out a roaring cheer. But it felt...incomplete.  _ Sure, there were a lot of them, but what kind of force is this?  _

_ A wise hunter doesn’t let his prey know he’s pursuing them. Prey can be stupid. What’s the adage? ‘A running cat-deer is never able to turn around and see the hunter’s face?’  _ Something like that. The writers of such things are usually stuck in a building somewhere and will likely never experience the reality of the ‘saying’ for themselves.

From the western trees, small objects came flying out and at our unorganized mob of foresters. One passed right by one of the huntsmen to my side.  _ What is it?  _ I pondered. It just missed his shoulder. Then the whirring came back and stuck itself in the back of the man’s head.  _ A boomerang _ . More of these small metal objects found themselves cutting holes in our backs. The ostrich horse roared in discomfort and suddenly, still with my feet in the saddle, fell over to it’s right, taking me with it. It crushed my leg. The sharp pain of the full weight of an ostrich horse falling upon one of my legs wasn’t enough. No, no. I felt around the snow, trying to press myself up enough to look around, and spotted  _ them.  _

A row of scowling Fire Navy fur helmets emerged from the darkened wood. As one, their shields, Fire Nation style, were planted in the ground. As one, the shields locked together. Our Tribals were running and skiing around me, loosing arrows. Our Tribals  _ thwicked  _ them with a volley and a half, and the arrows, save one or two, mindlessly bounced off the grey shields. A good marksman, the cat-deer Chief, stuck a shaft through the gap between the shields, knocking it’s wielder down and more importantly punching a hole in the formation. Not that it lasted. The pain from the weight of this ostrich horse made me yell  _ really  _ loudly. This yell caused Suki to give a horrified cry of her own before catapulting off her ostrich horse and getting to my side. 

  
  


I wasn’t listening to her. I was watching the shieldwall reform as they lowered their bone-tipped spears.  _ Them. Proxies of the darkness _ . That’s what sits over there where the trees give way to the old Royal road. Something sliced my foot free of it’s saddle. Then Kotyan appeared in front of me. He knelt at my side, asking for my status, I replied. “Yes, I feel like  _ ow _ , fine, no,  _ ow _ , really!” I pretended not to wince. He did some kind of fingers-raised motion and the ostrich horse was pushed off me for long enough that Suki could cut the saddle off my right leg and drag me out.  _ Ow. Yes that hurts. Yes. Ow _ . I grabbed her shoulder and pushed myself up. “You’re… alright?” she asked, kind of amazed and kind of worried. I smiled. “I’m fine. Yep. Certainly” and took a nearby spear, stuck it’s rear into the snow, and tried to rest on it.  _ Tried _ . It snapped from the tree-man’s tree-like height and made me fall into the snow with it.

“You’re not fine” the woman with two eyes remarked. So I flashed her a “I am fine” grin. Because, afterall, if the Emperor says he is fine, he is fine, right? Kotyan took the prerogative and yelled “Get him to the fort!  _ Now! _ ” while Suki helped me up. “But... there’s an  _ army  _ here!” I replied, because as much as I wanted to go home, I also wanted to point out that we’re kind of surrounded. “I can deal with that” the Imperial Guard stated like this was something, I don’t know,  _ not  _ difficult. I couldn’t say much, Suki dragged me over to her ostrich horse and helped me get on. Kotyan, not sufficiently bloody enough, charged ahead of us to... _ what, are you going to block an entire army for us?  _

Kotyan threw his  _ dao  _ into one of the spearmen. He pulled up an earthwall to block any attempted boomerangs. Then he fell into a deep ostrich-horse stance, pulled a surface-to-air sized boulder out of the ground and perfectly arched it into the spearline ahead of us. The ones that weren’t obliterated by a large rock spread out. He ran forward, snapped someone’s head off with an earth pillar, impaled five different people with stomp-turned-earth spikes that went up into their legs, and finally pulled his  _ dao  _ from the dirt  _ with his mind _ and started hacking away at them.

Suki and her reins barreled out of the clearing that Kotyan made for us. I looked behind me at the wall of Fire Navy mercenary-style helmets as they ducked and allowed more boomerangs to be thrown from behind them. More Tribals were being cut down. Some, like the bald man, ran forward and cut three men down in one swing. Others,  _ Kotyan _ , augmented their earthbending with weapons. Kotyan gave an upward swing, sending a whole three-wide-four-deep block of men flying into the sky, cutting a hole in the wall of shields. A wise hunter does not care for the herd. He cares for the animal he chose to pursue. 

Did  _ they  _ know we’d flee the encirclement? Were  _ they  _ planning for us to? Probably not. But they took the opportunity of one of their prey escaping the herd. A band of orange robed spearmen came out of the woods and tried to chase us down. I didn’t  _ need  _ to yell “There’s a bunch of orange-robed spearmen chasing us!” but I did anyway. Suki yelled “There’s a bunch of orange-robed men  _ in front of us _ .” Within five  _ miao _ , despite being on an ostrich horse, we were surrounded by men with pointy sticks. We  _ were  _ surrounded. 

Something howled. Something howled and caused some of the spearmen to turn around and face the source of the howling. A wolf-dog with an auburn coat jumped up and tackled one of these spearman to the ground. He chomped into the man’s face. He was followed by a band of women wearing battle makeup. A voice I knew  _ far  _ too well yelled “Draw blades!” and the platoon of women drew their katanas at the same time.

I don’t even need to explain what happened to those spearmen. They were sliced apart, literally. The Kyoshi Warriors -and Nan- formed a backpedaling cordon to defend Suki and I, and escorted our ostrich horse into the courtyard. Lots of “Open the gates!” and all that. The newest of the Kyoshi Warriors, as jumpy as ever, asked “How was your vacation?” I looked at her, grinned, and replied “I’ve had a good vacation, good day!” and collapsed. We were home, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Fort Wei-Hung gets put under siege.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for the Xishan Hunt:  
> -For the third and finale time, to close out this arc, I draw the comparison between the Empire and the Xishan. Each is meant to contrast, and helps set some of the stage for the chapter.  
> -This was, without a doubt, the hardest chapter to write in all 100 chapters of 'Wacky Adventures'. First person POV does not go well with a chase. First person fleeing POV also doesn't go well with a chase.  
> -This is also the shortest chapter in 'Wacky Adventures'. 7.8k words.
> 
> -I had an option. Break my own rules and stop writing Mori's perspective, all for the sake of some spooky action, or maintain Mori's perspective and miss out on lots of possible drama.  
> -This is not a folktale, even if the Xishan have a nature of never giving up, they're not stupid.  
> -Why didn't the Waterbenders attack? This has many possible answers. The truth may be harder to figure out.  
> -Why does Mori keep getting wounded? He gets punished for his actions.  
> -Why did the Kyoshi Warriors arrive? They spotted the Emperor. They were just next to the fort after all.  
> 
> 
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed.  
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, King of the Xishan  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's sole living uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother. New Chief of the Zheng.  
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia also have pronounced cheekbones, alluding to them being the parent (not cadet!) of the 'cadet' branch of the Zheng.===  
> -Aepak, an older man, the Chief  
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou tend to be the only Xishan with brown hair. They're the 'gatekeepers of Xishan' for guarding the main north-south pass===  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++ ===Lives in the mountains===  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains. 
> 
> \-------------------------------------  
> The following's fates are unknown:  
> ++Pangou:++ ===The Pangou are the most populist, their elite warriors wear furs dyed red and black===  
> -An unknown Pangou Chieftess.  
> ++Zhag'yab:++ ===Zhag'yab adopted topknots for their hair style===  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, the Chief  
> ++Xainza:++ ===Xainza wear seashells on sealskin clothes instead of the usual fur===  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, the Chief.  
> ++Chatri++ ===Chatri are a smaller tribe located to the south of the Zhag'yab. They have large eyebrows.===  
> -Atrek, the Chief. A Horn like Asalup.  
> ++Ansai++ ===The Ansai are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan.===  
> -Etrek, the Chief  
> ++Qiugou++ ===The Qiugou are one of the two large tribes along 'the Great River' forming the western border of Xishan. They have green eyes.===  
> \---------------  
> ++Weiyi Shinjian++ ===The W.S. are a small tribe spread out across their respective foothills SW of the Si Gou===  
> -Cilbu, the Chief.  
> ++Qingjie++ ===Mostly live in bogs, prefer long matted hair, lanky===  
> -Borc, the Chief.  
> ++Drongnyen++ ===Minor tribe near Xainza. Also wear sealskin===  
> -Koza, the Chief.  
> ++Jissai++ ===Minor tribe near Yancun.===


	66. Into the Not-So-Far North: We're Besieged, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone tries to figure out what just happened, what's could happen, and prepare for what will happen. 
> 
> But most importantly, are we besieged, or not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Into the Far North, the arc, is over. 
> 
> But our characters haven't left the Far North. That'll only happen when they go south of the Xiongnu Wall.
> 
> Enjoy, a badly prepared preparation, badly!

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Two:

I was having a dream, a good dream about bringing the Empress a fur blanket for her birthday. I  _ was  _ having a dream. I felt something graze against my hair. I snapped awake and grabbed something coarse, rough, like armor, and pressed into it, it’s edge was biting into my skin, but something softer was located next to it, spaced out by a gap in whatever it was, to push myself up. I opened my good eye while a voice went “Ow!” in a very high pitched tone. I rotated my head to the right, only to come within smelling distance of a round-headed woman with vibrant grey eyes and a pair of very emotive eyelashes. I say smelling distance because she smelled like incense dipped in flower-scented soap. I don’t know how that works, but maybe she and her light head and terrifying eyebrows could tell me.  _ Ty Lee.  _

“Your  _ Majesty _ ? How  _ are  _ you feeling!” and she leaned in to hug me. I then looked down at my hand and found it pressing on her leg. Namely, her leg armor.  _ So that’s the gap. I probably cut my hand open on that armor.  _ I took so long to say “I’m feeling better than usual, but-” that she could interrupt me to say “I hope you’re feeling good ‘cause Suki and some nice man with a scar needed you.” Ignoring her comment, I was more interested in “Why do you smell like incense.” “I love-” and she emotively tossed her hands into the air, “-the smell of incense.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Where did you buy incense? Are we in Ba Sing Se?”  _ Forgive me, I just got woken up by some crazy Fire Nation acrobat. My mind’s not as clear as it should be.  _ “No, you’re in the fort-” I cut her off,  _ it’s only fair for earlier _ , mostly because I was enraged “Where, did, you, buy, incense, in the far north?” “I brought some with me from Ba Sing Se. Was that bad? If that was bad, I’m sorry...” and she wagged her eyebrows in submission, innocent innocent submission.  _ We’re in Fort Wei-Hung and someone with a scar wants to speak to me. Well that’s helpful.  _

Then I noticed my hair dangling to my side.  _ Why…  _ “Why… why is my hair braided so...round…” I couldn’t even produce the words. I needed to only look at  _ her  _ long braided hair to realize what had happened. My hair wasn’t fully braided, there was probably half a foot of hair that was still loose, but the rest...the rest was something else.  _ You braided it into your style _ . “After all that dirt, your hair  _ needed  _ a makeover!”  _ I… you’re of the same Imperial-housed, hundreds of years old, elite bodyguard corps as my cousin, right? Right?  _ I didn’t really know what to say, so I said nothing.  _ There, look, Pu-On Tim, character growth. Or: How do you compose a sentence for this nonsense?  _ “Do you like the makeover? I think it looks really cute!” the Warrior of Kyoshi stated while grabbing my hair and rubbing it with  _ passion _ . “Can...can you not use the word ‘cute’” and I tried to take my legs and place them on the ground but found one...bound up and sure, I managed to throw it to the ground, but it  _ hurt _ . The foot stung like some kind of vulgarity. Ty Lee noticed this and let go of my hair to move over to my legs. 

“You might not want to move that,” she said. Kindly and softly. And  _ late.. _ . “Thanks.  _ Could’ve  _ told me that earlier.” She mumbled a “ _ sorry _ ” in a kind of hushed, defeated, tone, then crossed the room and brought me two sticks with... _ okay they’re just crutches _ . “You  _ probably  _ need this” and she handed these two crutches that looked about as rudimentary as this candle-lit room was. “Thanks, Ty Lee” my common remark of gratitude was taken as, like anything else, something more than that by the newest Kyoshi Warrior. I tried not to scowl at her blush as she clapped her hands together and said “I’m happy to help!”. And...yeah, I know people love optimism, but I like results.  _ And news _ . “Ty Lee… why were you lying next to me?” “Oh, well, Suki told me to guard your body, then…” she rubbed her eyelids, “I guess I fell asleep.” “While guarding me?” “Your furs are warmer than most of the room. And…” she sounded like a defeated child, “...I thought I’d just take a nap.” “You…”  _ I…  _ I just shook my head. I knew Ty Lee was telling the truth. She’s too...innocent to lie. And, for the record, she’s head-to-toe dressed in the attire of the Kyoshi Warriors. From a distance, it really did look as if she just sat down next to my bed and fell asleep. “Thanks, Ty Lee. You’re the best.” and I nodded my head in an attempt to bow. “Thank you so much!” and she cartwheeled backwards and into a bow. I can say many things about my bodyguards, but Ty Lee is always beaming with sincerity and happiness.

I walked outside and was immediately set upon by an auburn coated wolf-dog, his tail wagging with happiness as his tongue hung out and he panted with excitement. He licked my good leg, only for me to let out a small “no, please don’t” which, because he’s who he is, he totally understood. So he ran around me instead, hyper to the point of happily woofing. This attracted the attention of some fur-wearing men, the furs barely covering their light brown outfits. They dropped into kowtows, save for the one with his polearm and brown pennant slumped on the tip. Nan had fun circling me, his face kept looking up as if waiting for my signal to resume licking. The woofing attracted someone  _ else _ , someone with a penchant for introductory hugs. She doesn’t give them to everyone, but when I heard “You’re up!” from my cousin, I knew to expect a hug. 

Thankfully for my foot, she didn’t tackle me. Instead she maneuvered around me, stopping to give Nan a chin scratch, then hug me from the front. I couldn’t really hug her back so I just stood there, smiling. She gave me two shoulder pats, then backed up as if to give me and  _ whatever  _ my appearance was a once-over. This moment of happiness lasted half a  _ fen _ , only for her to run off, “We have a meeting you won’t want to miss!”, in the direction of the familiar office of the steward of this tiny outpost. Nan and I followed her over to the office and I went inside. 

A massive map was cast over where a mostly clean primitive,  _ I once saw it as primitive _ , desk stood. Where the commander of this hilarious, laugh-worthy excuse of a fort sat, Colonel Tang and his pronounced scar stood vigilantly, pointing at something on the map. Next to him, the rightful King of the Xishan, Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s most elite corps of men who  _ can  _ express emotions, Kotyan. Forming the rest of the Table Team, some unnamed people who probably also have ranks and are important to the Colonel. I wouldn’t know. 

The bunch of them heard Nan and his howling -and also the door-guard getting started on my titles- and gave me their attention. And their kowtows. And their well-wishes, you know “Ten Thousand Years to Your Majesty’s health!” and “A quick recovery to Your Majesty!” and formal blessings on my vitality and my ability to remember what  _ feet  _ are. I gave the whole lot of them some head nods, since I’m not the supreme ruler of the Empire and… after just spending weeks in Xishan… a mere head nod was like a big deal to me. Thus it’s not completely out of the ordinary for me to so much as say ‘thank you’ to some nameless man. It may have been out of the ordinary for them, but  _ any of you, by all means, go north and experience the north for yourself _ . Back to the map…

I walked up to the desk and looked down. A small green dot at the southern end of a chain of two lakes and countless tributaries. Lake Haidian, Lower Door Lake, and Lake Nanshi, Upper Door Lake. That small creek that connected them was as clear as this room was well lit...by lanterns. The small green dot was us and our humble fortress, the outpost of civilization in lands that were anything but. A small mark, a green blotch to appear between notations on the map that didn’t do the mountains high enough to impale the sky itself justice. You wouldn’t be able to tell there was a thick forest going off in all directions. The map was...mostly blank. The road cut northwards… through a row of discs. Colorless discs spread out near the lake. 

“What have I gotten myself into?” I pondered unintentionally loudly. “The mercenaries got a siege going” the King of these lands proclaimed.  _ A siege?  _ My first thoughts weren’t even to our own security. No, no, no. They were to the security of the people I had spent the better part of a season hunting and warring alongside. Strange names, strange dialects and even stranger customs. “Where’s the rest of the Xishan? Zheng, Pangou…” I didn’t need to continue. Their ruler, now still dressed in his people’s clothes albeit with the hint of gold-and-green peeking out from beneath the crevices in his arms, stated “Most of them have fled into the Sky Peaks south of here. Once we got to this Fort, I told them they’d be safe. So they took to the mountains. The Zheng and a few others were sent to the lands just north of the Xiongnu Wall. Ling won’t let them south without Your Majesty’s authority, but after Girgen almost ate him for breakfast, he reconsidered that  _ maybe  _ letting them stay out of archer’s range but within protection range was a good idea.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Girgen ate him?  _ Ling _ ?” 

The Captain let out a hearty laugh. “No, no, that man just growled.” “Is Girg-hen the mute?” one of the nameless officers inquired. I didn’t even need to try correcting him, Kotyan did well enough on his own. “He’s not mute.” “Then why doesn’t he speak?” “If  _ you  _ had an axe lodged in your skull, would  _ you  _ ever utter anything?” and maybe it was how the King said it. Maybe it was how I casually nodded along. If my expressions could speak, they’d say ‘Yes, yes, that’s the guy. Bald, as tall as a young spruce, big bladed weapon. Crazy. Yup. That’s him. Yup.’ I wasn’t going to continue, and it didn’t seem like the nameless officer wanted to either. “How did you get them not killed?... The… the Xishaners. Wouldn’t our side kill them?” “My own personal seal, as Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard, is how.” and he flashed the seal. “And...how did you prevent the Xishan from being killed in the rest of Yancun?” Colonel Tang cut Kotyan’s answer off. “Your Majesty, we have a siege to get to.” I frowned at the Colonel, then pointed at Kotyan. “ _ Fine _ . I will get my answer later.”

“So we’ve got a siege. And…” I paused to glance at the map. Lake Haidian, as all three of the Imperial Archivists who remembered to put it in would know, has a rounded bottom end. To it’s direct west is a giant mountain, a protrusion of the range of the Northern Mountains, or in actuality, the Sky Peaks. To its east, forests and foothills give way to the  _ other  _ Northern Mountains. Why does this matter? The discs were stacked closely on the western side of the body of water. Other commanders may cry out that we were being besieged. But I’ve seen,  _ ha _ , too many sieges to care that much. If a bunch of moon-powered waterbenders wanted us dead, we’d be dead. If a single bender has the will and isn’t an Egg, he’ll have his way. I’d already established that they were hunting us. Not us, the ignored people of Xishan.  _ A war with the Empire would not be a good idea, on the other hand _ .

  
  


“Where’s their eastern forces?” Most of the officers looked at me like I ingested some Si Wong Special Brew of...well some drink, not cactus juice but it’s Upper Ring  _ legal  _ equivalent. “A bunch of Sentinels led by that guy ambushed them,” Tang replied, and he pointed at a man sitting on a chair whose head was blocking the window.  _ That guy?  _ Because I like my inferiors, one, showing  _ some  _ fealty,  _ like, come on, your young adult Emperor bumbled into your room with a broken foot, that’s not a daily occurance,  _ and two and more importantly, participating in conversations, I ordered “Get up, that guy!” The man opened a pair of drowsy eyes and staggered himself up. A flask hung from his neck, it’s strap acting as the most practical kind of necklace I’ve ever seen. 

“Major Senlin...” the man said  _ a  _ name like he was, well it’s not ‘like’, he  _ was inebriated _ . He then fell over. One of the ballista fodders in the room helped him up. He blurted out “...at Your Majesty’s eternal service!”  _ Oh. Okay then.  _ His peers didn’t question his look. But I did. Because I’m not from around here so this kind of decadence is acceptable  _ only  _ in Ba Sing Se and other corrupt places.  _ Like the Empire _ . “Major, please conduct yourself with some appropriate formality?” I staged it like a question because I was uncertain what ‘that guy’ was doing, had done, or was going to do. He took a swig of whatever potent liquids hid within his bowl-shaped flask before, like a second wind, walking over to me with a straight face and almost-proper hair. But not too close, my cousin stepped in front of him “What did this man do? Why are the rest of you so vague?” and I looked around the room as if this was a normal event for these people. “He’s Senlin, leader of the…” but the battle-hardened Tang was cut off by Senlin.

“The Young Spruces O’ Yancun!”  _ I’m very sorry, what?  _ “I assume that that is the name of a singing group?” The Colonel didn’t laugh but the two not-normal people -the ‘barbarian’ and the Kyoshi Islander- did. This sparked the other soldiers, having no idea of what they were laughing about, to join the laughing. Then, it seemed like some of them remembered that while their institution is lackadaisical in efficiency, their supreme ruler’s...pillow was present.  _ So maybe get collected.  _ “That’s… that’s the name of his military unit,” Tang explained. 

_ Right, right, of course.  _ I swung towards Suki and her stiffness, “Did I have something to drink? Is this a dream? If this is a dream, where’s all the flying, the aerial battles, the... _ reading _ ?” She gave me a shake and a smile. “No, no, this is real.”  _ This is real. Okay. Right. Mhm.  _ Pretending I wasn’t losing my mind, “ _ What  _ is your military unit’s name? And better,  _ why _ ?” The Colonel groaned one of those ‘I’m going to have to try to explain this’ groans. I know this because that’s  _ my  _ groan when trying to explain Kyoshi Island to non-natives. “The-” He perfectly copied his drunk ally’s tone, “‘-Young Spruces’ were founded in southern Yancun to protect the local land back when the Army of the North wasn’t as...northern, Your Majesty. I believe they were founded as a dare, or maybe an intoxicated fantasy of theirs, but a season passed and this local militia had quilted themselves green cloaks and were travelling north, taking the fight to the...Xinjiagou. We moved north, they kind of…” and he stopped to let the drunk bumble around, “...followed us.” 

I turned towards the drunk and nicely, slowly, asked “So you’re a bunch of militiamen? What are you doing up here?  _ Why _ ?”  _ I shouldn’t have asked _ . For this man had the kind of pride that you don’t duel. You don’t ask ‘why’ of a mountain man. He slapped the desk, much as one would do, and yelled “We were up here first, and  _ nobody  _ knows these mountains better, ain’t that right boys!” and, save one cricket-locust, nobody responded.  _ Boys? You can’t even treat your men like men?  _ “I could have you hung for such...insanity.” I joked, except I wasn’t really joking. “Then I would’ve died protecting my land! The spirits of the valleys, the spirits of the southern plains, they ain’t  _ our  _ spirits!” I gave Suki a bit of a wayward gesture, “Do you want to take him outside?”  _ No _ . “No.” The other officers saw this and went quiet. “Major Senlin, is there any reason we keep this  _ boy  _ around?”

One officer replied, stiffly and formally, “He’s killed a hundred with his own hands.” Another added “His band has harassed anyone and kept all kinds of horrors at bay.” Tang must’ve seen my glare and knew that if he didn’t speak up I’d draw my  _ jian  _ and hew this drunk’s head from his neck. “Major Senlin’s our best tracker and hunter. No man knows… the terrain better, Your Majesty.” 

_ You know what, fine. I don’t care…  _ “You-” and I pointed at the man, “You take your ‘boys’ and go kill something. Wheel around the lake. Up north. They won’t expect that angle. I want them hit in the rear. I want them dead.” He punched the air and laughed hysterically, “Of course I’ll do that, Your Majesty!” For some reason, he decided to take a pennant out of his pocket and toss it onto the table before stumbling, tripping, and falling over. I took his flag in my hands. I ran my hands over the rough cloth and felt the texture of some quilted… additions. It’s a dark green flag with a single, small dark blue earth coin in the middle and a small white star inside the earth coin’s square.

Outside in the Fort’s courtyard, he was joined by a few of his bodyguards. They were also mountain men, wearing long grey raccoon-cat fur caps and spruce-green dyed clothes. Nothing about them suggested a uniform of any kind, beyond the fur caps. One had a long robe, one had furs. Most had little hand axes and wore bows over their shoulders, much like the Xishaners. Senlin shouted something incoherent and the little group of theirs began singing.

_ Ho-- all to the borders! Yancuners, come down, _

_ With your britches of cat-deerskin and jackets o’ brown; _

_ With your grey woolen caps and your fur boots a’ come, _

_ To the gathering summons of horn and drum. _

_ Then cheer, cheer, the white mountaineer! _

_ Then cheer, cheer the white mountaineer! _

_ On the south came Lan Shaners, our land to police; _

_ And armed for the battle while canting of peace; _

_ On our east came the Gerse, the orange coated band  _

_ To hang up our leaders and eat up our land! _

_ They claim our possessions--the pitiful knaves-- _

_ The tribute we pay shall be prisons and graves! _

_ Then cheer, cheer, the white mountaineer! _

_ Then cheer, cheer the white mountaineer! _

_ We owe an allegiance, to the Badgermole Throne, _

_ Our ruler is law and the law is our own; _

_ Our leaders themselves are our own fellow-men, _

_ Who can handle the dao and the scythe and the quill-pen _

_ Hurrah for Yancun! For the land that we till _

_ Must have sons to defend her from valley and hill _

_ Our vow is recorded--our banner unfurled, _

_ In the name of Yancun we defy all the world! _

_ Then cheer, cheer, the white mountaineer! _

_ Then cheer, cheer the white mountaineer! _

“Independent spirits, the whole lot of them.” and I clicked my tongue. Suki had walked outside during this choral performance and joined me at my side. “Do you want us to…” and Suki made the ‘slice throat’ motion with her finger. “No, no… can’t you tell?” and I paused to let the Yancuners practice batting a whiskey flask out of the air with a stick. “They’re crazy,” she told me. “Yes, that’s the point. They’re crazy enough to be the only people capable of handling this place” and I opened my arms up as if to hug the entirety of the Sky Peaks. I walked back inside.

“Forgive us, Your Majesty. Senlin and his band of boys don’t reflect the-”  _ right, just cram it, will you?  _ I interrupted one of the officer’s attempts to win my support with his  _ nobleness _ . “Enough! We’ve got a siege going so let’s get back to it, yeah?” I took the flag off the table again and looked it over. “What’s the flag all about?” Despite me  _ just  _ cutting one of the under-officers off about going on about Senlin, I went on about Senlin. “The star’s for the single star that lights their way. The blue’s for the sky and the green’s for the forests.”  _ Then where’s the mountains?  _ I realized that it’s best to thank Tang  _ so we can move back onto important matters.  _ “Thanks, Colonel Tang.” Somewhere out there, the drunk was probably rallying his band of fruit pies, off to go... _ you know, why do I bother sometimes? Northerners… they’re like Southerners but with less whiskey.  _

“We’ve got a siege going…”  _ except, wait a miao,  _ “... but if there’s a siege, where’s the artillery?” and I braced to my crutches,  _ genius move _ , waiting for the incoming artillery strike to conveniently point out the missing piece of this puzzle that already lacked a bunch of pieces. “Mercenaries with spears don’t make for capable artillerists, Your Majesty” the Colonel replied.  _ You… person… that isn’t the entire army…  _ “Then where are the waterbenders?” for this, I looked at Kotyan and let him say his thoughts. “I’d wager...well all of us, even people I can’t legally wager on, that the waterbenders and the Bastard Sons of the North Star don’t want to pick a fight with the Badgermole Empress, Your Majesty”  _ Right, right, of course. Makes sense.  _ “One problem” and I brought my left forefinger and my thumb  _ almost  _ together, but not completely. “One small problem...Her Imperial Majesty is not here.” “They don’t know that. And I was being metaphorical, Your Majesty.”  _ Of course you were. I’m just thick headed.  _ “So they fear the Empire?” the room looked at me while I looked at the room. And Nan. Because he was having fun licking my left leg.  _ Stop… I’m ticklish there… and you don’t want a tree-man falling down. That’d be both anticlimactic and poetic _ . 

“A thousand ships  _ did _ turn their capital into rubble last year, Your Majesty” the Imperial Guard stated, his professional voice masked a bit of anger. The anger was because he stayed around while Toph and I went camping and I’m sure he got all the Xishan bad blood, what with the dead grandfathers and dead Chiefs and dead families and impaled people, out… on the greatest waterbenders in the world. And he’s still around, so he probably won. Some officers challenged the history. “Was it a thousand, I heard that a hundred ships were destroyed-” I cut this man off with “Imperial ships do  _ not  _ get destroyed and Imperial honor  _ is  _ maintained!” and the rest of the room cheered.  _ Honor? Did I fall into the wrong nation’s war room? Where’s the giant fire wall and the man with a short chin beard?  _ In truth, yes, we lost a hundred ships to waterbenders. 

I continued my rant of reality-reminding commands. “Imperial ships don’t get destroyed by such cousin-marrying savages, just like Imperial aircraft do  _ not  _ crash. Am I right?” Everyone nodded while Suki snickered. “No, no, only the  _ bad guys’  _ aircraft crash.”  _ I… you and I will have words later _ .  _ Good words. Words nonetheless _ . Before I could say words to her, she interjected. “But...we’ve got a siege to get to” and she took my expressive hands,  _ one at a time, thank you _ , and placed them on the desk.  _ Yes, a siege to get to. No sidetracks, yes?  _ I could sense that the other officers weren’t big supporters of all these tangents, but as I was the Emperor, they couldn’t just tell me to stop getting caught up on all of this like, let’s say, the Xishaners would.

I pointed, with my fingers, as opposed to my nose or my toes, at the discs and their locations. Then, because I  _ still  _ needed to be brought up to speed, I verbally addressed everyone with “So the mercenaries surround us from the north and the west. That’s not a siege, that’s like half an encirclement. It’s a half-circlement.” Suki hopped in with “A semi-circle” and included the inquisitive waving finger of correction.  _ Thank you, Sukes _ . “Why don’t we just...go east. Or south?” The Colonel gave what sounded like a well rehearsed statement. “To our east, we’re not going to find much beyond a bunch of drunks wandering around waving that flag of theirs. And going east doesn’t get us south, Your Majesty.”  _ Must everything all of you say be so convoluted and bureaucratic?  _ “Can’t you just say it’s impossible?” I snapped at the Colonel. “No, Your Majesty. As per Imperial Mandate, there’s no such thing as ‘impossible’. Just ‘unreasonably difficult.’”  _ I...right, right, of course _ . Just as they were upset at my tangents but couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t speak up and just destroy these contrived bureaucratic formalities. “Impossible. Because of T...because Her Imperial Majesty invented metalbending and has done all kinds of other wonderous never-before-seen- _ ha _ -things like kill a Fire Lord with an arrow or not get married as a teenager, right?” and everyone, again, thought I was crazy. They were all too polite to say such. Suki giggled. 

“And what about the south?” The Colonel pointed at the spot just to the south of the village of Haidian. “The mercenaries cut the supply lines and ambushed any patrols that were going south. And Xinjiagou’s still quite...hostile”  _ Oh. So we’re trapped?  _ “And how large is this force of mercenaries?” Kotyan, being the most experienced in dealing with them, replied “I don’t remember, Your Majesty. It’s not like we counted while in the north.”  _ Speaking of…  _ I sidetracked the conversation yet again, back to a question I gave before. 

“Why did the Xishan get south so easily?” Such a question shouldn’t have been asked. Kotyan huffed and crossed his arms. Tang backed up. “I’m their ruler, I’m the Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard. If Xinjiagou is not  _ in  _ the Empire, they can’t let us  _ not  _ stop. Well...some people tried…” and he glanced at Tang. He stuttered. “Forgive us, Your Majesty… we were-”  _ I don’t care _ . I still needed to be caught up. I cut him off, “Captain, continue.” “They went south, my brother and the others that speak our southern dialect were given papers with my stamp. They’ll be at the Wall, defending it from the north, as per...well one or two convincing convening of the Chiefs.” and he launched daggers at the rest of the officers in the room. I sensed that there was some fighting between some of these men and either Kotyan or his kin, and the last thing I wanted to do was instigate more of it. 

I moved the conversation back around. “So they-” I meant the mercenaries “-have either or are going to surround us and have left us the option of fleeing east?” One of the officers stated “They can’t break Senlin’s men, Your Majesty. Senlin’s got skis and bows and-” but he was so boring and predictable I just stopped him with “I get it, his men are equipped properly and dressed poorly.” With the man shocked and kowtowing out of fear,  _ of course I let him rise _ , “Get up,” Tang thought to continue explaining the situation. 

“The General’s vanguard was supposed to relieve us already but he’s  _ late _ . As such, I summoned Your Majesty’s aide-” “ _ Captain _ ” Suki corrected, and he fixed, “-Captain to establish a strategy.” He then backed up slightly to let one of the officers step over and address me. “The forests buzz with more and more of them, just out of range of our bolt-slingers, Your Majesty. We’re planning to send raids out there to skirmish with them. Get an idea of their strength. A couple thousand, maybe more. Our scouts reported that after the Xishaners reached Fort Wei-Hung, the mercenaries fled back north. We think it was to regroup. Two days ago, there were none. Yesterday, our scouts spotted some of their skirmishers-” but he was interrupted by a man barging in through the door, earning Nan’s barking and the rest of us’s looks. A man in the brown tunic of a Sentinel. “Your...Majesty, they’re marching!” the high-pitched voice screamed. And that was enough to shut all of us up. 

Tang didn’t bother with ‘closing remarks’. He didn’t bother with trying to explain anything in further depth than there was. There was no time. He grabbed his Imperial Army conical hat, put it on over his fur cap, and ran out the door. “With me!” was his yell. His officers gave chase, men with  _ dao  _ scabbards and basic topknots. The small group ran out into a sun-basked courtyard just as a gong sounded. Suki looked at me, then and only then did I realize that she was wearing her Kyoshi Warrior armor  _ and  _ katana scabbard. She took a moment to draw the latter, but only enough to confirm the scabbard wasn’t too tight. The sound of sheathing contrasted with the loud call-to-arms outside which in turn contrasted with the sound of a village bell.  _ Haidian _ . I took my crutches and followed her and Kotyan out. The civilians were piling into what appeared to be a door built into the ground. Mostly women and some children. If I had to guess, they were fleeing into some kind of underground complex built to sustain sieges. “Get me into my armor!” I yelled to my companions. Before I knew it, Kotyan had already brought the Imperial Armor over while Suki gathered her Warriors. 

In the meantime, a procession of men in brown tunics with unkempt beards and topknoted hair ran past, crossbows in hand,  _ dao  _ at their sides. A few had spears. A few had shields. A few were wearing the furs of a non-native in a cold environment. The Sun was high enough that I wasn’t blinded when looking south. Commands were issued by Tang. “Man the walls! Get up there, you sons of brothel-maids!” and the small force, it couldn’t number more than a company, poured onto the walls. The armory was emptied, men who looked like they had no place near a battlefield were handed spears and shoved towards the ramparts. 

My Imperial Armor, oh how I missed it, was finally put on. I threw my helmet onto my head and didn’t bother tying it on. “You’re in no condition to fight!” my cousin warned. “I’m in full condition to  _ order _ . And I order you to take the Warriors and draw up as reserves.” Then I pointed with my crutch and screamed “ _ Now! _ ” and she took a breath before twirling her finger around and bringing the other girls together. “I’m not going to fight. You’re going to act as the reserve. If we need you, we signal you!  _ Got it _ ?” “But…”  _ “That’s an order! _ ”. Suki nodded, “Girls, with me!” and the platoon ran over to the barracks’ door, near the trapdoor. The Sentinels running past us spotted the crutch-wielding man shouting at his Imperial-gifted bodyguards and ordering them to reserves while he followed the Sentinels towards the fort’s wall. They saw that. They didn’t say anything to me, but they saw that.  _ Actions speak louder than intentions _ .

_ So there’s the commander’s office and barracks, that’s the north. There’s two more barracks, east and west, the eastern one has a trapdoor by it’s northern corner and the western one doesn’t. There’s a warehouse and armory split in two to the south. There’s the underground space, but that’s not counted. Then, on the second story there’s a full wall-walk behind the battlements. There’s a gatehouse on the southern side with an additional story of floorspace in it as gatehouses normally have. And that’s...it? That’s it. And the only approach is from the south.  _ “Captain Kotyan! You’re with me! Let’s go!” “On it!” and I  _ furiously  _ hobbled my way over towards the northern staircase to climb up. Once up there, I almost recoiled from the shock...the amazement...the  _ wonder _ .

A field of men out at the clearing of the forest. They were taunting us with their spears. One or two  _ idiots  _ were testing the range and wasting crossbow bolts of ours. “Stop loosing! Hold!” I yelled. That attracted the attention of most of the defenders, men lying behind the stone parapets, crossbows lying at their sides. I heard lots of shocked “Your Majesty”s. They looked quite surprised at their Emperor hobbling along and up to them. I spotted a soldier operating his crossbow and yelled, again, “Hold! Does  _ hold  _ mean loose?” and the man looked at me and went “No, Your Majesty!” “So  _ hold _ ” and I tapped the ground with my crutch.

I walked along, stopping at one particular man, he was older than I and his face was pale. I tried to kneel to speak to him, but couldn’t due to the foot. “You didn’t expect to see this, did you?” He shook his head. The mass of a thousand,  _ just within sight, who knows what’s beyond there, _ began howling and hooting. Nan couldn’t out bark them, much to his anger. “You didn’t join for  _ this, _ ” I continued. The soldier, Sentinel, shook his head. “You’re worried that you’re going to die today. In a fort. In the middle of nowhere.” He gasped for air, since I guess such a truth is hard to admit. But after I didn’t magically vanish in a puff of smoke, and this terror he was experiencing  _ was  _ real, he forced himself to be honest. He nodded. “Give me your crossbow.” then I gestured to Kotyan and “Mind getting him a drink?  _ My  _ whiskey flask?” and Kotyan spun around and his loud footsteps dissipated beneath the roaring tide that was that mass of mercenaries. The man trembled and I swiped his crossbow from his shaking hands. He took his bolt quiver off and also handed it to me. By the time I had managed to sling it on to accompany my black-bladed scabbard, Kotyan returned with my flask and one cap-popping later,  _ yep, that smells like whatever I’d drink _ , I handed it to this man. The first time, he refused it. “Drink up. Never a good idea to die without a good drink” and I head-gestured Kotyan. He  _ shoved  _ it into the soldier’s hands, and he accepted it. It drizzled down into his system, only for him to wipe his lips and go “T...thank you...Your...Your Majesty,” like a parched traveller grateful for water. I gave him a pat on the back and shouted, both to him and to the rest of this wall, “If you’re going to die here, so am I. And I’m the Emperor. Emperors don’t  _ die _ .” This brought a faint smile to his face and a few laughs from the rest of the men. Whatever faintness could exist was quickly shut down by a grizzled Colonel’s all-encompassing shouts.

“Crossbows!”. The men behind the walls got up. The ones over here had watched what I did. They got up with some pride. I looked over the battlements. The mass that had taunted us was  _ charging _ . A human wave of orange-tunic wearing figures, the snowless land beneath them meant their lack of skis was no longer a problem. They ran like any mob does. And their mob was led by a few figures who wore accessories on their heads. Helmets with orange tassels, for instance. Or men with bright orange flags on their poles. And of course, horns.

“Aim!” I had a crossbow in my hands and Suki was too far away to tell me ‘no’ or anything similarly reasonable.  _ I wish I had my drink with me _ . I took aim between the battlements. “Send those bastards back to their mounds!  _ Loose _ !” the Colonel yelled. So we let loose with a volley. I struck a man in the chest. Some of the oncoming orange wave’s front line fell down to other bolts. 

The Colonel’s voice drew eerily near as he yelled, and repeated, “Volley! Volley!” Then the footsteps of a man passed by my ears and from my good eye’s edge-of-sight, I spotted the commander running down the wall-walk himself.  _ So he’s running around the wall.  _ I reloaded. So did everyone else. The mob crossed a hundred feet, easy, by the time we aimed. The order of “Volley!” came and our coordinated force let loose with a hundred  _ thunks  _ at the same time. “They’re pulling back!” some Sentinel with a Gaolan accent yelled. The rest of us reloaded. I didn’t need to sit down to reload, just let Kotyan build a seat for me to sit on. “Volley! Hit ‘em on the backfoot!” the Colonel yelled. We rose from our hiding as one consecutive line and thunk’d right into their front line. 

The mob retreated as we released more bolts. Bolts that found their marks… in the dirt. “Tang!” I shouted. “ _ Range _ !” and he ran up to and past me and looked out. “You’re right.  _ Hold _ ! Hold! Hold!” he kept shouting it as he ran past each in-cover Sentinel. At the same time, a team of four Sentinels carried a snake-scorpion bolt thrower onto the wall and placed it maybe twenty feet away from me down the wall.  _ That’s an old piece of equipment. Real old _ . A fifth man arrived carrying the one foot bolts that this torsion piece uses. 

“They’re coming back!” a Sentinel shouted. I peeked out from cover and he was telling the truth. A dozen ladders and a tidal wave guarding them, advancing in a semi-coordinated jog. I looked around.  _ Where’s Tang?  _ “Kotyan, where’s Tang?” “He ran off to the south side.”  _ He ran off to the…  _ I didn’t bother with questioning it. I stood and went behind a tall parapet and yelled “Men! Aim! Volley!” and the Sentinels took to listening to me, now. And they volleyed.

I spent so long in the far north, the savage, tribalistic, far north, that hearing a bunch of men launch crossbow bolts at the same time was like a chorus to my ears. Hearing someone give a command and it being followed out so quickly and without any secondary instructions… _or how about having everyone be armed with the same two or three -spears aren’t that helpful when men are kneeling and reloading- weapons? How about having entire jars of bolts sitting every five paces along the wall?_ _Oh, we might all get killed, but we can die with some style_. 

I set high expectations of my men.“Volley!” I shouted not a moment later. The snake-scorpion made a loud  _ thunk  _ as it shot it’s projectile out. The one foot bolt went right through a line of ladder-carriers. Our volley of bolts took down the orange front line and a few more ladder-carriers. “It’s not enough” Kotyan whispered, not wanting to scare the already shaking Sentinels. “You’ve got earthbending. Grab some earth-” I slapped his shoulder, “-and  _ bend _ !” “Yes…” but he trailed off, looking around for a piece of earth he could use that wouldn’t destroy the fortifications. I ordered “Volley!” shortly after. Another couple dozen  _ thunks _ . They all hit.  _ We’re hitting them, we’re just not killing them fast enough _ . When one man fell with a ladder, his organ punctured by a bolt, his companion picked it up and kept going. 

We were interrupted by Tang’s yelling “Reinforcements! The gate!” and pulling men out of our reserves in the courtyard.  _ Our dwindling dwindling reserves _ . The Kyoshi Warriors and like two dozen others. That was it.  _ To the gate. The gate. Right.  _ I found a man that looked responsible and said “You’ve got this wall,  _ go _ !” hit him in the back and hobbled away.  _ If I had my whiskey… I could use it right now. Alas, I gave it away.  _

I could only hobble along the western wall-walk so quickly. I wasn’t going to descend into the courtyard, since tactically a wall let’s me see more, and I  _ did  _ have Kotyan, a man who can make a staircase or ramp at will, at my side if I needed him. While I did, another three volleys were launched. And each one  _ did  _ get a jab in at the mob. It’s really hard to miss aiming a crossbow at a mob of people. And these people didn’t seem to have the ability to, or weren’t ordered to, scatter. Something I enjoy about having a good eye is the abilities it gives. Namely, while most of the crossbowmen were scared and aiming at whatever they could pick off within a  _ miao _ , I could look for longer. 

And I spotted two things that most of them didn’t see. Axes,  _ which makes sense _ , and  _ one  _ group, or at least one noticeable group off in the ‘middle’ of the pack carrying, at their waists, “A battering ram! They’ve got a battering ram!” I shouted! I pointed at the men carrying it to try and alert Kotyan, but he couldn’t see them.  _ They’ve only got one spot to use that battering ram.  _ “You want me to toss a stone?” the King-Captain asked. _ Unless they’re secretly earthbenders. Wait… secretly… wait a miao _ . “No! Don’t let them know we’ve got an earthbender!” I said in a frantic whisper as we neared the gatehouse. He handed me my crossbow again. 

I got to Tang’s new position, the wall-walk just above and slightly to the side of the battlement above the gate, When I reached Tang, another “Volley!” was just ordered. The sounds of crossbow triggers activating reverberated off the structure’s second story and right into the ears of Kotyan and I. “Your Majesty!” the Colonel yelled to me, bowing, not kowtowing,  _ which is fine _ .  _ We’re in a battle _ . My good eye was pulled away from my earlier observation -of a battering ram- and towards something new that was occurring.

The mob had rounded the corner and were...reorganizing. That’s what it looked like. It wasn’t pre-planned, that’s for one. What it _seemed_ to be was that everyone with axes tossed their spears to other men, or to the ground, or over their backs, and took their axes and ran up to our doorway. At the same time, Tang yelled “Volley!” and I joined it. _Thunk_. The bolt struck one of the lead axemen -part of this mass of uncountable axemen- in the collarbone. He and many to his sides, in front and behind him, fell. But that wasn’t _all_ the axemen. There were many more, with handaxes, and a few more, with lumberman axes. Enough got through that I heard the sounds of axes striking wood. But that’s not what concerned us. “Ding! Get down there with some spears! Hold the gate!” and some Sentinel took a group of other Sentinels, ran down the stairs, and formed a spearwall behind the gatehouse. _The men holding those spears, they’re untrained. Ding and his friends aren’t, but the rest...they’re just peasants. With spears as long as them. And they’re not even in a spearwall._ No, no… that’s not what concerned us. 

No, what concerned us was someone yelling “Battering ram!” and all eyes turning towards a team of twelve carrying what looked to be a tree trunk with some spear shafts stuck into it to provide grabbing points. Tang shouted orders once more. “Volley you sons of brothel-maids! Volley!” and the crossbows launched their bolts into the oncoming force. But the battering ram people… were safe. They had formed a fish scale formation. A lion-turtle formation. If someone died, another one to his side would pick up the position and continue the charge.  _ Bang.  _ The ram hit the gatehouse. I looked to my side, at Kotyan, then I looked to my side,  _ at Kotyan. _

“Earth bomb! Now!”. The Captain of the Imperial Guard smiled. With a stomp, he pulled a large chunk of the battlement wall out, the largest chunk I’ve ever seen him use for this, and condensed it with a few long breaths. He was breathing, and breathing,  _ in, out, in, out _ , trying to focus. I shouted “Sentinels! Into cover!” and everyone looked at me funny. “Into cover!” I screamed. So they ducked into cover while Kotyan walked up to the battlements and heaved the rock over the side. I ducked as best as I could. The  _ crash  _ and small explosion were followed by rock pellets flying into the sky. I glanced over the side and the ram was missing the front half. If it was that alone, they’d be fine. But the men around it? Pellets embedded themselves in everyone’s tunics. I’d guess thirty people had pieces of rock in their chests or legs. It was like someone exploded a pile of crossbow bolts. People were bleeding out of their heads and eyes and necks and chests and…  _ everywhere _ . Granted, I only observed this for a few  _ miao _ .

“They’re regrouping!” Tang spoke up in a half-breath. Then the Colonel thought to give orders. “Kotyan! Get down there and defend the gate!”, he yelled. The Captain looked to me for permission. I hand-waved his approval. He jumped off the wall, stuck the landing, and ran along before reaching the gate. I couldn’t hear the loud smashing as he likely pulled some pillars, or a large pillar, out to block up the gate. Then another pillar to reinforce it. Then another pillar. He tore the ground out to shield up the wall. With that done, many of us were stupid enough to think we had survived for but a temporary respite. I smiled at some young crossbowman, a brown bearded fellow with two crooked front teeth.

Ka _ boom! _

The ground quaked like an angry Empress, thirsting for revenge. A piece of the wall between the southeastern corner and the gatehouse was blown into pieces with a loud belching explosion. Stone fragments flew up in a fountain of pieces while wooden fragments of the floorboards shot out in all directions. The poor crossbowmen who were crouched on that portion of the wall were sent flying out, out, out, out...into the mass of invaders. Not that they lived that long. And the rest of us were riddled. I felt a piece of  _ something  _ bang into my armor with enough force to take the wind out of me. Something else sharp and splintered hit me in the off-arm. 

I blinked and suddenly men all around me were screaming. The crossbowman I had looked at a moment ago had a piece of timber the size of a dagger protruding out of his neck. Another crossbowman to his side had a plank of wood the size of a  _ jian  _ nightmarishly jabbed into his right thigh. He was already bleeding out. Tang had been blown back by the explosion, but got up with the help of the pillar-stomped-returned Kotyan. He shouted “Regroup!” to a mob of men dead, dying, or in enough pain they wish they were. I struggled to get back up. Kotyan extended his hand to me and gave me one hard  _ pull  _ and helped me up. There was no time for thanks. 

The spearmen below us had barely enough time to  _ recover  _ from the explosion of blasting jelly, let alone comprehend their orders. The ones that weren’t blown over ran over to the new hole in the wall and lowered their spears.  _ Their single row of spears... _ just in time for the human wave of men to smash into them. Densely concentrated men in orange tunics. Needless to say, the farmers were overwhelmed. Spear against spear, three against one at best and five against one at worst. I managed to get a crossbow bolt off to save one man from death, only for the non-Sentinel militiaman to flee into a barrack and slam the doors shut. The other farmers, the ones that weren’t cut down, took to doing the same.  _ It’s chaos _ .  _ We’re losing the courtyard _ . 

Tang was shouting all kinds of commands and men were running about in all directions. The orange wave had poured towards the barracks and towards any living being. Some of them began ascending the staircase nearest to the six -I count Nan- of us. The first five men who dared climb up took multiple crossbow bolts to the face and chest. Their bodies, since they were climbing up, fell backwards and tripped up more of those would-be aggressors. I managed to take a crossbow from a man with his head snapped in the wrong direction by a fist sized piece of parapet.  _ Thunk _ . I stopped one more of these attackers with a crossbow to the side of the head. He fell over and caused another man to his side to crumble off the stairs. 

But a couple dead and a dozen injured isn’t enough to stop a hundred. Tang drew his blade. The crossbowmen that could drew their blades. Others dragged their bleeding companions into the gatehouse. Tang, in an act of tactical brilliance, knew to swarm the enemies at the top of the stairs. Five of ours including him could hold off the two at a time climbing up. In the meantime, I and two other crossbowmen, without a care for orders, loosed at will.  _ Thunk _ . I hit another ascending orange tunic in the left arm, making him stagger long enough to have Tang’s  _ dao  _ cut into his head.

Kotyan used a technique I haven’t seen much of before now. There wasn’t that much earth he could use, large area of effect attacks would destroy what little defenses we had, so he conserved. He pulled small rocks, bits of the ground, out, and condescend them into yet smaller pebbles. From where I was, the staircase was exposed. He punched a small volley of pebbles at the men climbing up. They’d hit them in the heads and chests. Lots of head strikes. They went right into the mercenary’s temples. If they didn’t, the headfirst one story drop usually did. As if he read my mind, he said “The Empress taught me. Earthbending moves that require precision and concentration.”  _ Of course.  _ “Right, right, while you’re lecturing me on-”  _ thunk _ , I put a bolt into a mercenary’s underarm, “-precision, can you just pull a spike out and… spike?” He complied, took a breath and pulled a small head-sized boulder out of the ground to hit the enemy climbers on their backs. It worked, but the boulder rolled away. Despite ten blades, a dozen crossbows and one earthbender using a strange form of bending, we weren’t going to last forever. A few more  _ dian _ , if we lock ourselves up in the gatehouse. 

A faint  _ boom  _ was heard from behind us, to the south. I turned around in time to see a green flare go up, up, up, up in front of the Sun. Then the sound of horns.  _ Horns _ . Those were horns that I recognized. Imperial horns. And sure enough, over at the barren Scout’s Rest, a group of men carrying flags and  _ only  _ flags  _ rode  _ up. In the middle of their flag formation, a figure with an official's topknot, a gold tie, wearing gold-trimmed, likely padded, Imperial Army armor.  _ The riders. _ I legitimately broke into laughter. “I...I can’t believe it!” I yelled to the sky. The men behind me were busy bracing for another sortie of orange-men, and out there... _ out there _ … the forest quaked from the arrival of the riders. I watched the only visible group -those along the old Royal road- as they neared. The man on the hill made a motion with his fan. Horns sounded. The riders got louder. The mercenaries...those outside of the walls...they turned around to try and form up, but they hadn’t prepared for this. 

The orange-robes on the wall had driven some of the crossbowmen back. I had to block a spear stab with a crossbow. Then I kicked a man,  _ ow, ow, ow, _ and unloaded a crossbow bolt into his face. Then Kotyan took his head. Another spearman swung at my crutches, knocking one out from under me. That made me fall on my broken foot, which triggered a very, very, painful yelp. That kicked my adrenaline into overdrive and I suddenly could use my foot again. I drew my  _ jian  _ and tackle-stabbed this one spearman, plunging my blade, repeatedly, into his chest, while Kotyan metalbent his  _ dao  _ to cleave another attacker’s head off. Tang cut in with a new wave of crossbowmen. One of these orange guys managed to get a kick into my shoulder, making me fall forward in agony. I  _ did  _ get his leg with my blade, though. While on the ground, I looked out.

From the forest itself, a force of  _ thousands  _ of riders came trampling out. Their lances were couched and their pennants flew the Imperial Standard. I headbutted the ground in victory. The mercenaries that had  _ tried  _ to brace learned what a wave was like. A wave of pure iron and barded mounts. Thousands of lances converging on a not-yet-formed line of orange. So many snapping sounds as heads were violently cut through. So many screams as men had their faces impaled. Even the ostrich horses that  _ were  _ cut down, ten more took their place. And all of this… killing… over the course of a single  _ fen _ . Thousands killed in mere moments. And the riders didn’t stop. I couldn’t see them pour in -horns blaring- to the courtyard, but I heard them. Riders were cutting down mercenaries from the back. I forced myself to stand once again and drew my blade. The mercenaries that were on the staircase had routed. They were down there, in the courtyard, getting their heads impaled by ostrich horses. 

I took my crossbow, loaded it, and launched a bolt into the back of an unarmored fleeing mercenary. Then I fell over, very Imperial of me, and rested against the gatehouse wall. I spied the characters on the riders’ pennants. ‘ _ Yuan’  _ family _. ‘Gaolan’  _ region. The Protector of Gaolan had arrived. 

General Tian had arrived. He was very, very, late. But he had arrived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, politics and competency are judged!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for sieges and bad preparations:  
> -No, Ty Lee's not just lying next to Mori because she's attracted to him. She's taking the 'bodyguard' part of it seriously.  
> -This chapter takes place approximately a day and a half after the previous chapter.  
> -The Young Spruces of Yancun are filled with references to the Green Mountain Boys. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Mountain_Boys .  
> -Both groups are militia operating in the northern frontier. Both take the appearance of wild lunatics. Both fight in the mountains. Both know their terrain. Both were formed by settlers from the larger southern power. Both exist on the fringe of legality, with the larger southern power letting them live in the name of allies. Last and not least, they both took to wearing green clothes.  
> -The song Major Senlin and the Young Spruces sing is the 'Ballad of the Green Mountaineers', https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MulJCaFTWnY , but reworded to fit the world of Avatar.  
> -All the distractions, caused by dialogue flowing realistically unrealistic (i.e. Mori controls the discussion, nobody can tell him to shut up) meant that when the mercenaries did arrive, they weren't as prepared as they could be.  
> -There's an alternate ending to this where everyone prepares for the oncoming siege in a far more proper manner, but I didn't think that fit Mori's half-asleep still-in-shock situation. Nor does it fit the Empire's obsession with rules and traditions before adaptivity.  
> -Tian's arrival was foreshadowed. Once back before Mori went on his journey, 'we sent for reinforcements'. Once up in the Xishan lands, 'While I'm here, Tian is marching north with a bunch of farmers' and once this chapter with Tian being late.  
> -Why not make the mercenary siege take longer? They've got a human wave of men. The Sentinels numbered ~300.  
> -A snake-scorpion bolt thrower is this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scorpio_(weapon)  
> -Why wait with the blasting jelly? They didn't wait. The human wave was a distraction. If the ladders and battering ram don't work, the blasting jelly will.  
> -And now, we see Toph's lack of going to court paying off. Someone like Kotyan has an arsenal of attacks he can use.  
> 
> 
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed.  
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, King of the Xishan  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's sole living uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother. New Chief of the Zheng.  
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia also have pronounced cheekbones, alluding to them being the parent (not cadet!) of the 'cadet' branch of the Zheng.===  
> -Aepak, an older man, the Chief  
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou tend to be the only Xishan with brown hair. They're the 'gatekeepers of Xishan' for guarding the main north-south pass===  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++ ===Lives in the mountains===  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.


	67. See, The Conquering Hero Comes!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone tries to figure out what went right, what went wrong, and most importantly...
> 
> How many rewards can a tardy man get for being tardy?

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Three:

Oh! To draw my blade, my black blade, and jam it into a piece of the floorboard that had splintered in twain during the preceding explosion. Oh!, it was  _ just  _ as heroic as all those folk heroes.  _ Yup _ . To take it and press myself up and pretend it was a walking stick while my  _ actual  _ walking stick was off, somewhere else,  _ yup _ , quite heroic. To rest on it, killing exactly nobody, contributing nothing to the rout of the mercenary army, that’s what the characters from folk stories do, right?  _ Right?  _ Yeah… no. 

A full retinue of fresh mounted men surrounding one well-rested man in his courtly robes… he’s heroic. Yup. Of course, I could smell the fancy orange-scented soap from up on the battlements. His gold trimmed officer’s robe looked like he had just gotten it made at one of the fancier Upper Ring tailors.  _ Maybe he stopped off on his way here? That’d explain why he was late.  _ Wealth can buy a man anything, and for some men, all they want is for the rest of the Empire to know they have wealth. His long robe were adorned with the kind of furs that were from the southern forests. His cape was as luminous as the Sun that sat on high to our south. That little topknot of his was quite courtly. Not a speck of dirt anywhere on his attire. I think he was getting dressed for the dinner  _ after  _ the battle. The retinue that surrounded him, the edges of their capes were dirty and some of their tips were bloody. Granted, ‘bloody’ is a relative term. The men around me were covered in blood. 

Colonel Tang had remembered that my leg, or arm, or  _ something,  _ one of the two, maybe both, had taken yet another strike and rushed back up the stairs from his courtesy bow to help me. And  _ he  _ was covered with the blood of a dozen orange-robed assailants. It was kind of funny to watch a man lathered in blood bowing to his superior officer, a man who looked like he was interrupted by dinner for the ‘insignificant’ problem that was, well, you know,  _ this siege _ . Not that I listened when he begged me “don’t walk around, Your Majesty, please”. Compared to the green-and-gold of our rescuer’s robes, my Imperial Armor was more red and brown, like the clothes of Tang and many of the other nameless crossbowmen who surrounded us. It’s supposed to be bluish green and gold, or blue and gold, but it’s red and more red. The feeling of the battle, that ebb and flow like a tide, that feeling of just taking your legs and barreling out and towards the nearest man who looked at you the wrong way, that still coursed through my veins, Tang or no Tang. We call it adrenaline. It’s like the body refusing to buckle over because you’re too crazy to fall over and pass out. It’s quite good at what it does.  _ Storytime?  _ Sure, storytime.

My great-grandmother once told a children’s story of two brothers, her grand-uncles; one was an earthbender, one a nonbender. Naruhito and Tao the Tall, respectively. Naru, as she called him, became a master earthbender. He took to using fans for earthbending and preferred large boulder strikes. The kind of area-of-effect techniques the Imperial Metalbending Guards have to have perfected to qualify for applying to the Guard. Tao the Tall couldn’t bend, so he trained in the as-expected weapons. Spear,  _ dao _ , bow and arrow, katana. Tao, unlike Naru, spent far more time in punchy-punchy sparring matches. Naru believed his earthbending would be enough. One day, great-grandma said, the two of them travelled to the mainland to get a trading agreement signed between the Magistrate of Kyoshi Island and the Magistrate of Xinyang. They’d get first pick of our fish, we’d get first pick of their riches off the Gaoling trade route. While there, the town they were in came under the assault of raiding  _ daofei _ . Naru and Tao joined the other defenders. Naru has no experience in dealing with real combat, so once he realized he couldn’t toss half the street at the enemies -his allies were on the same street- and he couldn’t tear the walls off the streetside houses -there were people inside- he resorted to more basic kinds of bending. Some no-name  _ daofei,  _ the son of a no-name  _ daofei  _ and a brothel-maid, lodged his hand-axe in Naru, killing him soon after. Tao, elsewhere in the town, got into close-quarters combat. Now, while Naru had all the formalities of bending and understood the philosophy and the  _ jings  _ and all that, Tao had the experience. More than that, Tao was a  _ nonbender _ . He couldn’t just tear the ground out even when he had the opportunity to. He was able to kill a few  _ daofei  _ with his  _ dao _ … even when he took a spear to the stomach, he carried on fighting. That adrenaline, only achieved from nearing death time and time again, kicked in. It kept kicking in... until someone’s earth pillar broke half the bones in his torso, crippling him for life. Moral of the story, nonbenders inherently have it harder than benders. If you want to survive in the Four Nations as a nonbender, and you claim to be a duelist, you’re dancing with Death himself. Nonbenders suffer far more broken bones, it’s part of fighting people who can throw rocks at you. Double moral of the story: don’t fight a earthbender on stone ground. Tao lived… as a cripple. He would’ve lived… as a person… if he was more tactical. 

Despite Tang’s very logical statements, the drive to carry on propelled me to hobble along, down the being-repaired stairs, past the corpses that leaked their innards all over the place, past the spearline that had broken, reforged and broken again, past all the dead farmers and mercenaries and their spearshafts and  _ dao  _ and axes and  _ right up to  _ the riders holding spears displaying the proud bright banners flying the regimental colors of the Army of the West, the provincial colors of Region of Gaolan and of course, our glorious Imperial Standard. 

I won’t lie. Seeing those flags, all three styles were the same with the only differences being the names -or lack thereof- underneath the coin proper, that brought a smile to my lips. It was nice to see such brilliant flags in what otherwise amounted to a bunch of brown Sentinel flags. I will lie and say that I appreciated this man taking his  _ sweet sweet  _ time dismounting. He took so long to get off his ostrich horse, his plated ostrich horse, a ostrich horse that had its own footman and stool, that I lost the adrenaline of war and fell against a wall instead. Why? I was tired. So, sure, he  _ did  _ get around to kowtowing to me, and his retinue got around to kowtowing to me, and the banners were hung while horns sounded in the valley and all that other stuff letting us know that the riders were swamping any mercenaries and slaughtering them to the last. But it all took so long that I outright passed out. Who would’ve thought a month of nonstop warring can do that to someone? A month of being on your feet in really cold nothingness with no guarantee of survival. Certainly not I, apparently. I thought I’d just continue swinging a  _ jian  _ until everyone I didn’t like died. 

I opened my good, well-working eye to a situation so familiar I knew I wasn’t dead and riding a chariot off to the Jade Palace.  _ Or dreaming. You don’t have to be so dramatic _ . The most…  _ special  _ of the Kyoshi Warriors braiding my hair. Braiding my hair, not  _ queue _ ing it. Did I have the energy to go ‘can you please not?’. Not really. Because I had the energy for other things, instead. Namely asking the woman who had yet to notice my awakeness “What’s the situation with the fort?” She was surprised that I had silently opened my good eye and turned to face her and her braiding. 

“You’re awake!” she said, as if the alternative - ‘you’re not awake!’- was one, not already happening and two, bound to end at _some_ point. _Come now, I only took one elbow to a piece of armor. I think. Yeah, no, that sounds about right. That’s like...a day in the life stuff._ I shouldn’t expect anything… reasonable… from the woman who thinks ‘appropriate court attire’ is wearing the kind of clothing brothel-maids wear to… their occupations. I didn’t dwell on the subject, as said, I had more important things to do. I sat up, throwing her and her _delicate_ process -that’s what she claimed, “You messed up this delicate process!”- off. I also threw _her_ off. As much as I love sitting, er, lying, on a bed at the far end of the maps, I also love _going places_. I don’t know if the Northerners, er, the Xishan, accept additional titles, but if they do, I have one for them. ‘Tree-man, He Who Went Places’.

“What’s the situation with the fort?” I asked, again. She blinked like an innocent brothel-maid who was new to the profession.  _ No, that’s wrong, they’re in it for the money _ . More appropriate to her kind of innocence, a love-struck bride who heard about how great her life’s about to be...while having no idea what said bridal duties entailed.  _ No, Pu-On Tim, get your grubby hands off that ink. I’m not… she’s not… she’s my sworn bodyguard you disgusting sorry excuse for a writer.  _ After terrifying me with her eyelashes one too many times,  _ one time _ , I took her hands and placed them on her lap. She took my hands off her hands and placed them back on me, insisting “I’m not done!”. So I took her hands, crossed them, and placed them back on her lap. Before she could involuntarily chi-block me, I begged her “Please just keep your hands to yourself thank you.” She smiled, since… I guess me forcing someone to  _ let me get up  _ is… nice?  _ Okay maybe it’s because I’m the Emperor and my hands are holy or something… or she just has a crush on me. I have no idea. Probably the latter. Still no idea. _

I grabbed the sticks with which I like - _ must _ , not ‘like’, nothing to ‘like’ about it- to propel myself, forced myself up, and hobbled away from her and her softness. She even whined like a disappointed child, since clearly, the chance to braid the Emperor’s hair was one of her favorite hobbies. Inspired by the concept of hobbies, I thought to disclose to her that “My favorite hobby is sitting in a dusty war room with a bunch of middle-aged and old men and drawing up plans with one eye.” She smiled and in a very Ty Lee fashion, said “That sounds wonderful!”.  _ You’ve got no idea what I’m talking about. Right. Got it _ . I then made sure my clothes were tied on correctly -note, someone pulled the cumbersomely comfy Imperial Armor off- and before Ty Lee could say one thing about ‘auras’, “Your aura’s looking very-”, I slammed the door shut.

I could tell who was new to the Wei-Hung courtyard and who wasn’t. The crossbowmen,  _ that’s too vague _ , the crazy Sentinels, they were dressed in dirty clothes that stank of sweat and dried blood. They wore brown robes, and the ones that didn’t had more than enough dirt to color them brown. Their  _ dao  _ weren’t on properly, their scabbards were hung wherever they felt like. The Sentinels’ scabbards were made of faded leather in a half-dozen different hues of black or brown. Should they be crossbow-armed, they carried them around. And when they saw me, they dropped those crossbows and kowtowed. But...their kowtows weren’t always the best or correct. Some slipped in their bows.

Compared to them, the yellowish-green tunics and dark green short-capes - _ they’re not capes but they protect the shoulders and are buttoned up at the collar so...not-capes? _ \- were quite clean. Clean and not wrinkled. And their  _ dao  _ scabbards were all in the exact same spot, for they were unanimously trained to be right-handed swordsmen. Their scabbards were made of rich leather in the same two or three shades of brown or black. I’m sure their blades all made the same fresh  _ crisp  _ noise as they are unsheathed from their leather bindings. Many of these yellowish-green tunic wearing men had crossbows. Crossbows that they wore in slings made to carry crossbows long-distance. Each of these men carried a spear. Spears that were held with their right hand with shafts planted into the bloody earth. Atop their heads, uniform green conical hats.  _ Iron  _ green conical hats, emblazoned with the Empire’s earth coin in the middle. A far cry from the fur caps the Sentinels wore.

While the former group was messy in their kowtows, the latter only took one man dressed like a low-ranked officer to shout “Ten Thousand Years!” for the whole group to place their polearms on the ground and fall into kowtows. The ground was bopped and bopped until I let them get out of their bops. “Get up!” didn’t work. “You all have permission to rise!” And while the former rested on walls, or sat down, after finishing  _ and probably before beginning, _ the latter resumed their stiff-backed stances. To each of our reinforcements, he wore a full armory, and carried an arsenal of weapons. Sure, compared to the Imperial Armory, having three or four weapons is little, but when one has a spear, a crossbow, a  _ dao  _ and a dagger, that’s three or four more weapons than many of the Sentinels standing around us. Not that they carry these weapons all the time, that’d be impractical, and they can’t possibly carry more than this, but when the battle starts, they’re outfitted for battle. Not to mention, the men who had just arrived, but only the best among them, had a couple pens set aside for their ostrich horses. I’m sure -without looking- that the land outside of the fort became a temporary stable, too. And finally, last and far from the least, a number of men, of fresh men, were barefoot.  _ Oh, how we could’ve used you. That would’ve been nice.  _

Something to note: the proportions of benders to nonbenders using these two forces as comparisons. Earthbenders can get jobs in all kinds of construction fields. They can dig for farmers or build houses or work in our plentiful war factories. Nonbenders...can’t do that. Why are most of the Imperial Army soldiers nonbenders? Why is practically the entire Sentinel force made of nonbenders? Easy. Peasants have lots of children. At a certain point, they can’t afford to put food on the table for all of them. So, option. Either try and obtain more land,  _ ha, good luck with our bureaucratic system _ , or figure out a different way of making money. The Imperial Army can legally get them somewhere. That somewhere is probably a grave, but the point stands. There’s also the life of a  _ daofei _ . If a  _ daofei  _ life doesn’t lead them to the grave, then it leads them to the Sentinels. A bender would be an idiot to give up his birthright potential for a measly few silver pieces.  _ Especially when he can join the Imperial Army on a fast track to a much higher-paying field. Artillery, Armored, Engineering… all needed, benders only.  _

My mental notes on our Empire and its need for more social mobility in the peasant field were distracted by opening the Colonel’s door and walking inside his office to find… “Your Majesty!” the voice of the man in the gold topknot declared, before his taller-than-average self kowtowed. The other officers, a salad of yellowish-greens and browns, of green capes and no capes, and one fur-cloaked Northerner and makeup-wearing Warrior of Kyoshi reacted in their own ways. The salad people kowtowed, some better than others. The brown-clothed Sentinel men, some had slings over their arms, _no,_ _most_ had slings, with some having bands of cloth wrapped around their heads to cover wounds, they didn’t bow. The Northerner was probably the proudest of us to get blood on his fancy personally-slayed furs. He kowtowed perfectly. And the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors gave me one of her signature hugs. Even while Suki tightly squeezed me, _note: ow_ , I had my good eye locked on the highest ranked man in the room. 

The man who was  _ late _ . Tardiness either needs an explanation or earns a punishment. Uncle -back then, I knew him as Father- taught me that even the best-explained tardiness could still be corrected. That even the best excuse was just that, an excuse. He placed expectations on returning home at a certain time. Expectations to get dinner on the table by dinnertime. Others had expectations, too. The Governor of Shirahama expected the scrolls to be on his desk by nightfall. He expected my journal entries on his desk by nightfall. Nobody was to see them until somebody sent a report on corruption west. A report that sounded genuine because it lacked all the poetry of normal reports, instead, it was chronicling normal people speak and normal people actions. Nobody ever saw those reports, the Fire Princess made sure of it. She taught me the value of being on-time. If we didn’t answer in time, we’d regret it. So we answered, and answered, and answered, until we dwindled like the torches on Pialatok’s ice shelf beach. She also taught expectations. If she said she’d do something at exactly sundown and one  _ fen _ , she’d do something at exactly sundown and one  _ fen _ .

In writing, it seems like it took me a whole  _ fen  _ to remember these events. In reality, I didn’t think any of them. Their lessons were already ingrained in me. The writing is for the sake of understanding, as with everything else, why I think the way I do. Maybe someday, someone’s going to send one of these reports somewhere, and I, too, will find myself executed by immolation for saying the wrong word. 

Suki pulled out of her hug a bit earlier than usual. I sense she sensed my lack of reciprocation was not because I was as cold as my critics often claim,  _ the living ones, that is _ , but because of other reasons and as such prematurely ended what would normally be a nice reunion. No, I think she knew that my good eye was locked onto the gold-topknot man and his gold-topknot aura of importance. 

I remembered what a formal tone was and pulled it out of my sash for this purpose. I took to standing -edit, propping myself up with crutches- and facing the gold-topknot man. “Lieutenant General Tian, Protector of the Gaolan Plains, you’re far from your home” I cordially stated. The thirty year old smiled. “I answered the summons, Your Majesty.” One of his officers was glad to add in “Fang’s eldest maintains his line’s lineage. When the Badgermole Throne needs him, the humble Tian brings his best.”  _ Yes, what are you, his personal propaganda assistant?  _ I looked at this no-name, said “I don’t care if he was the  _ youngest _ ” then turned towards the smiling commander and  _ nicely  _ asked him “Why were  _ you  _ late?” The two fell into kowtows out of fealty, both saying “Your Majesty.” I waved them up for the sake of maintaining formality.

“I cleared the path of mercenaries and Xinjiagou Tribesmen on my way north. Now his subjects can reside north of the Xiongnu Wall in peace.” and he gestured to the King of the Xishan. I didn’t care to strike up a war in the war room,  _ this place is for peaceful exchange first,  _ so I moved on. The fact he recognized Kotyan’s legitimacy was something.  _ We can deal with more of that later _ . I took a step forward and felt a bolt of pain run up my leg, forcing Suki to grab me and help me to a seat. I mouthed a ‘thank you’ to her. She maintained a stern face.

With this shocking reminder of his lateness, I involuntarily snapped to be...less formal. “Were your orders to go wander around the North? Did you get some time in to go swimming? Catch a play at the Yi Ming?” “Your Majesty, Fang’s eldest had the-” I swiveled my head towards His Mouthiness and formally, politely, cut him off with “Cram it.” Then, I looked over towards the Lieutenant General, “Where are your orders… and I’d like to see them.” The Lieutenant General’s gilded demeanor broke for a moment while he fumbled around his pants for a paper. Quite literally pulling it out of his pants, his leg to be precise, he handed it to His Mouthiness, who then handed it to Tang, who then handed it to Suki, who then handed it to me. I rolled it open and…  _ this is some nice handwriting _ . 

_ Lieutenant General Yuan Tian... _

_ The local barbarians have tried to infiltrate our Xiongnu Wall, but we repelled them at the Wall. Despite this, His Imperial Majesty’s recent unexpected unplanned arrival has showcased the Badgermole Throne’s intentions to finally pacify this tumultuous region. Our march north was harried by light skirmishes. His Imperial Majesty expects better. As such, I send this to you. Help us out, and I’ll gladly vouch for you over that blight of a bastard half-brother of yours.  _

_ Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty, Ten Thousand Years to the Earth Empire _

_ -Lieutenant General Ling-Li, General Who Pacifies the North, Protector of the Beishan Valley  _

_ Right _ . I rolled such parchment up and stuck it into my waistband.  _ Breath in. Breath out _ .  _ Remember, information begets power and power begets information. Such is the wisdom of the Imperial Tutor. Do I stay quiet or do I speak?  _ I looked around at the room. Silence. If nothing else, I can always count on the Empire and Imperials in general to be properly patient.  _ Do I speak? Speaking would give away information, but in reading this, everyone but Tian and his assistants know that I read this _ .  _ So…  _ I acted in what I thought was right. I took a poke at this man’s ego in the name of seeing where it’d go  _ and to see what I’m dealing with _ .

“I agree with Ling-Li. Your action is quite commendable. I will see to it that, as gratitude for pacifying the lands south of Lake Haidian, you will be recommended for a Generalship over your brother Jian.” The Lieutenant General listened, and listened, and scowled reflexively. Impulsively. “ _ Half _ brother.” I would’ve groaned from his semantics, but I also wasn’t done with what I was saying. “I  _ will  _ recommend you.” Then his scowling turned to a face of plea. Of humility. “Your Majesty” and he fell into a kowtow, rose, and inquired “ _ Will? _ ” “Of course, on a couple of conditions.” “Your Majesty,” he said it like I held the key to his future in my hand. He fell into another kowtow, another rise, and began, “The orders were to-” but was chopped off. 

I squinted at him, then let my eye resume it’s normal intensity. “I’m giving new orders.” At such a command, a scribe, a Sentinel scribe, walked out from the side door and sat down at the officer’s desk. “I reward those who serve the Badgermole Throne. As such, there is one man here I must reward first.” The Lieutenant General grinned like he was the victor at an underground earthbending tournament or at a  _ lei tai _ in general. Then I palm-gestured someone else.

“Captain Kotyan. For a month of leading some of the hardiest men and women across ice and endless nights, and  _ converting  _ those men and women to become acquaintances of the Empire, you’ve probably got some requests. Name them, and I’ll see it done.” The Lieutenant General looked quite surprised. And as did his allies. They were surprised in that ‘legally surprised’ fashion. They couldn’t showcase disappointment, the Emperor’s word was Imperial Law codified, but they sure could smile in a not-genuine fashion. The smart ones, like Tian, knew that their ambition would be rewarded...once the Emperor was done with everyone else. Everyone else...kind of expected this. The Sentinels, presumably, heard about Kotyan’s achievements from Kotyan or Suki. Suki gave him a pat on the back, as if the campaign was some simple sparring match.  _ It was us three fruit pies and one northern campaign.  _

He kowtowed. “I ask that my brothers and sisters get safe passage south until the winter turns to spring and the...Water Tribe aggressors go home, Your Majesty.” I looked at the others. Except for Suki, everyone else took such a request with faces of confusion. “The Xiongnu Wall was built to protect the fertile plains country from the Tribes. How can you guarantee that  _ your people _ won’t just pillage the land and defile our women?” I don’t know why Tang said that. I mean, I  _ know  _ why, because he’s right. The Xishan aren’t exactly the most...civilized of folks. Sure, they’ve got egalitarianism, and their spirituality isn’t actively getting people killed by lying or claiming ‘we’re pacifists’ while letting  _ daofei  _ in, or such, but that wall  _ was  _ built to keep them out. Kotyan, being well-trained in the art of courtliness in Ba Sing Se, didn’t immediately take his  _ dao  _ and schism the Colonel’s head from his neck. He just gave him a silent look. I knew what he was thinking, if this was but a little bit further north the two would engage in a  _ lei tai _ or an impromptu Agni Kai or… Kotyan would just kill him and be done with it.

Before his blood could quake the very ground, I pulled an ego-pandering solution out of my robes. “Lieutenant General, the stories of your army border on legendary. Yesterday, we saw the prowess of just a couple thousand riders routing… uhh…”  _ pick a number,  _ “...twenty thousand men.. Why don’t you stay around in Yancun and… block up the valley… not letting anyone south of it…?” Before  _ he  _ could say anything, I needed to rescue myself from the hole I was digging myself into. “Kotyan, would it be possible for your Tribes to take up residence in the lands between the Xiongnu Wall and this lake?” “Your Majesty” the Lieutenant General began, but was cut off by Kotyan’s thick Northern accent, “Yes. It would.” 

Then the Lieutenant General and his kowtowing self got up and continued. “I will gladly… guard the Beishan Valley, Your Majesty.” It seemed like he, also, had to pull a statement out of nothing. _Ambitions? Stifled._ _Good_. “Scribe, Record that my orders are as follows: ‘Lieutenant General Tian will guard the Beishan Valley until the Spring Equinox.” The man at the desk looked up at me and nodded. He finished inscribing the writings and I reread them, _that’s it_ , and stamped it with - _thanks for carrying it, Sukes_ \- the Imperial Seal. There’s also the Imperial Pocket Seal signet ring, so I added that for addition’s sake. With the orders written again, stamped again, and sent southwards for Ba Sing Se, I could continue dishing out rewards for those who I deemed worthy in the order I deemed worthy. The Lieutenant General stood there, appearing more content. I’d think that _any_ Imperial recognition is better than none. 

“Kotyan.” and the King of the Xishan kowtowed out of respect. Not something he’d do in front of his own men and women, but he wasn’t in front of his own men and women. “For your victories in the lands of the Gerse and Majia and Zhenzheng against mutual enemies of the Empire, you deserve a promotion. Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard is too insignificant for your accomplishment. Name a reward.” I palm gestured to him to get up from his kowtow and respond. Afterall, it was he who could request what he wished. Such was my agreement. 

“My reward is my people’s safety, Your Majesty. Can Your Majesty guarantee their autonomy and their protection from the Water Tribes?”  _ Really? This is your request? Part of our decision making? Sure. On a condition.  _ “In return, will your fellow Tribesmen accept living in Yancun?” He proudly replied “I will make them agree. Some of the Xishan Tribes were originally from Yancun. This is still our homeland. We Xishan are of our word. Your Majesty knows this,” and gave a small head bow of submission.  _ I shall hope so. Because you can’t be a ‘buffer state’ if you’re not a buffer. Or a state.  _ I know I implied a single condition, but there was more than one or all this. “You’re a people of independent individuals. How can I know that they’ll agree to not fighting the Empire garrison?” then I turned to Tang,  _ not that you run this _ , and asked “Can you keep your Sentinels in check?” The Northerner replied first. “They’ve seen the dangers of being too close to the Water Tribes. The Chiefs who still live have seen Your Majesty fight. They’ve seen the pelt Your Majesty has from the moose-lion. Your Majesty is Chief of the Kyoshi, a Man of the Zheng, and Your Majesty was anointed as a Warrior of the Great Hunter. These are all respected traits. For other rulers and other people, they might not agree. But between my status and Your Majesty’s prowess, they’ll unanimously agree. And the ones that don’t won’t be a problem for long.” 

I felt the pale face of an immortal advisor in my head, giving me a smile of approval, that thin smile of his.  _ ‘Very good, my pupil, very good _ ’. I vocalized his compliment. “Very good.” I changed my tone to be more light-hearted. “I will see to it that you are given a promotion. How about a Colonel in the Empress’s Own First Division?” The man, the Captain, needed to take a few deep breaths from the offer. I’m pretty certain he welled up with tears from it. I couldn’t see clearly enough, the lighting wasn’t all-encompassing. “I…” he fell into a kowtow. “Your Majesty...I...I would refuse it.” Then he drew his  _ dao  _ and held it out in his hands while in the kowtow. “I… I pledged my life to the Imperial Palace’s protection. I pledged my life to Her Imperial Majesty’s protection. Being given command... _ the...the  _ First Division...that would take me further from Her Imperial Majesty… I… wish to refuse an offer, Your Majesty. Unless… it was a command.” Then he looked up at me, as if to judge whether my good eye said ‘command’ or ‘offer’. Rarely, if  _ ever _ , have I heard the tall, sturdy, muscly, beard-braided, thick-eyebrowed Captain of the Imperial Guard sound so...not like himself. He looked a bit scared and… very much not like the normal sturdy man I knew. 

I wasn’t going to command him to. Half of this offer was just to demonstrate his reaction. The other half was because I really did think he deserved a reward for doing what no Earth Kingdom citizen ever has. “You need not panic. You wish to protect Her Imperial Majesty. So do I. I’ll ensure you remain at your post. But do you not want an upgraded title? Colonel of the Imperial Guard?” The pause brought nothing. “Get up,” I said in a commanding tone. The man stood, practically mouthing a ‘thank you’, before dusting his furs off and stating “I prefer Captain. It’s the traditional title of the Guard and, if I may give my opinion…” “Go ahead,” “it rolls off the tongue better.”  _ Ha. Ha. Well done Kotyan. Juxtaposing the offer with an attempt at levity.  _

Kotyan...is special. I like Kotyan. _But we’re not done here_. Mentioning Ba Sing Se reminded me of something: Kotyan can’t be two ranks at once. “You can’t be the King of the Xishan _and_ the head of the Imperial Guard.” He looked at me, then looked at the ground, then looked at the ceiling, then back at me. “I shall abdicate the title to my brother. But...if I’m in Ba Sing Se, may I request one person come with me?” _Oh? A person? One?_ I tapped the armrest with my finger. “Who? Why?” “My uncle Uzluk. He knows more of the Southern dialect than most and he could act as a representative of the…” I felt that pause, “...Xishan Autonomous Region.” I didn’t see, _no, eye,_ the problem with that. I felt that pause that he didn’t want to admit. A concession of individuality in the name of a grand design, _unification_. A concession of his culture, something _they may not like unless they’re convinced by different means_ , in the name of the greater good. The Empire. 

I didn’t dwell on it. “By all means. A representative could help us.” I couldn’t exactly order a paper be given to a man who I was pretty certain was illiterate, so the best I could do was depend on Kotyan for this. Before I could depart for some kind of breakfast-lunch,  _ the day’s quite short up here, but at least there is a day _ , Kotyan said something inaudible that attracted my distracted ears and my good eye. Once I paid him attention, I heard “...bodyguards. Not for the Palace, but for Your Majesty. A personal hunting band.”  _ I’m sorry, what? No, I’m not being sarcastic. I didn’t hear what you said.  _ “You want to...grab some men and make them my bodyguards? I  _ have  _ bodyguards” and with both my hands -benefits of sitting on a chair, I don’t need to hold myself up- I pointed at Suki. She waved her hand and tilted her head side-to-side to prove my point. “Of course, Your Majesty,” and he caught his breath as if he just embarrassed himself, “...but would Your Majesty not recommend bringing a band of my most elite men with me? I’ll make sure they speak  _ some  _ Southern dialect first.”  _ I don’t want to know where they picked it up from. The taverns that accept all comers so long as they have the coin? The traders that braved the Majia coast? Men abducted by raiding Tribeswomen? The inverse? _ . “I must consider the logistics of that, one  _ fen _ , please.”  _ I had to consider his offer.  _

I must thank two people for helping me think. A Kyoshi Warrior who brought me a flask of water, for bringing me such, and my good boy Nan for finding me and licking my hand, or rather my elbow, while I rested my head on my hand. He licked, and licked, and licked until both my hands,  _ well one hand and one elbow _ , were soaked in wolf-dog tongue. And even after, he took his front paws and placed them on the part of the chair in front of my parted legs so that he could look me in the face and we could engage a nose to nose conversation. I don’t know what everyone  _ else  _ was thinking, nor did I care, when I began a conversation with my personal wolf-dog. “Yes, yes, I missed you.” He happily howled  _ in my face _ . I believe he said ‘How was the vacation? Did you kill anyone interesting?’. I gave him a head pat,  _ yes, I miss the feeling of his head under my palm _ , while responding “Vacation was fun. I’ve got to get back to work soon. And no, nobody  _ that  _ interesting.” He whined in disappointment.  _ What are you, Lord Qiangyang?  _ He howled ‘I missed you. A lot. Can I lick your face?’ and I leaned forward and let him do just that. So he got my face and my fifty nine barely present facial hairs  _ -and my cheeks, and my nose-  _ covered in his tongue. Which was quite fun. And ticklish. And I’m sure for all those people watching, seeing the Emperor giggling and “I’m...ticklish!” is probably a first. Then again, if they haven’t seen the Empress hugging the  _ best  _ badgermole and exchange kisses with his giant snout, then they should. Because  _ that’s  _ a first. Even when it’s not a first.  _ Anyways _ … 

Nan’s asking ‘Will you take the nice strong man up on his offer?’ made me contemplate taking the nice strong man up on his offer.  _ He’s not wrong to suggest it. A hunting band made of such warriors can be quite reliable. And they’re good with bows. Which is something the Kyoshi Warriors aren’t...yet. And… fifteen men to a band. Where have I heard that before? Think. Crack. Fifteen men is a small number. Tight-knit. Crack. They are commanded by one person. Crack. ‘Low number of soldiers to officers’, that’s what Kotyan said back in Earth Rumble Seven. Or...something like that. Wait… the Imperial Tutor sent me up here because the Tribals… a Banner Army. Crack, boom! The egg cracked, much like eggs tend to do. Some eggs have existential cracks, some don’t. _

“Kotyan! Will you consider turning the Xishan into a Banner Army?” my completely random question took the entire room off-guard. Because...well why wouldn’t it? It’s not like these people can read my mind. And  _ most  _ of them, actually everyone except Suki, Kotyan and Nan, have no idea what a ‘Banner Army’ even is. “I...Your Majesty…isn’t this a topic to bring up with the Council of Five, not…” and Kotyan tried his best to be polite “ _ here _ ?” Kotyan had the right intention, and I might’ve piped in a ‘you’re right, we’ll wait until later’, but the reality of the Empire came crashing in. More specifically, the Lieutenant General pounced like an owl-cat. 

_ Opportunities are opportunities, afterall.  _ “No, no, Captain” the Lieutenant General waved the man a head-height taller than him away like he was a small songbird. “I’ve heard of this. I have friends in Court, you know. They told me that  _ Jian  _ was talking to His Excellency, the legendary Aged General Song, about this.”  _ ‘This’? ‘This’? Your ‘friends in Court’ couldn’t tell you more than something vague?  _ I counter-waved Lord ‘Friends at Court’ into submission. His Highness, the opportunistic Friends at Court man, stopped for long enough to let me get an Imperial word in edgewise.

“What’s your point, Lieutenant General? Yes, Song and I have plans. Turns out, Emperors  _ do  _ make plans for things. I know, how terrifying. Power and all that.” The Lieutenant General took control of the conversation. “Why not reward- I mean…” he kowtowed and in that ultimate formal foot-kissing of voices, “I request, Your Majesty, that I be granted the role.” I resisted the urges of my right hand, it rose to involuntarily slap this man but I had to grab it and place it back on my leg, only for Nan to come along and rescue my hand from itself with some licking.  _ You are really, really fortunate I’m too hungry for this… ‘Court’ business. _

I looked at this kowtowing commander of fifty thousand with a mixture of Fire Lady boredom and ‘you sound quite ambitious in a lazy way’. “Lieutenant General, do I  _ look  _ like I’ve been in Ba Sing Se in the past season? I’ve been retrieving a pelt.” My own speech reminded me of that pelt. I turned towards Suki, then Kotyan, then Suki again, “Where’s the Empress’s blanket?” Suki and Kotyan traded glances and Kotyan ran outside for a  _ fen _ . By the time he returned, the Lieutenant General got around to collecting his latest speech. “I mean no offense, Your Majesty. I simply wondered why my half-brother, who is a incompetent wretch, should be given command of anything higher than the Great Divide patrol.” Kotyan returned,  _ thank my ancestor, thank Toph, thank literally anyone, thank Lee I don’t care,  _ carrying a giant rolled up blanket in his hands,  _ barely  _ in his hands. “Here it is, Your Majesty.” Unlike some people, Kotyan understood that you don’t hand a giant blanket to a cripple, well temporary cripple, and he also understood that even if my foot  _ was  _ working properly,  _ what am I supposed to do with it? Eat it? _ . The large blanket took up everyone’s attention. I pointed at it, then at the doorway. “Go get it prepared with an ostrich horse for our ride south.” He gave a quick head nod and disappeared from the room. Tian watched this with legal jealousy. I’d bet he was thinking ‘why can’t  _ I  _ get the Empress, a giant blanket?’ and he's right. You have to be a special kind of Imperial -mad- to go on such campaigns. As Kotyan left, I could go back to  _ Tian, Lord of Court Friends _ .

“Maybe your brother, your  _ half  _ brother,  _ is  _ an incompetent wretch. If I may be honest-” the room held their breaths, “-most of the Empire is full of incompetent rotund slobs sitting about doing nothing more than counting gold while the  _ daofei _ , Royal Fire Army deserters and the occasional secessionist run havoc on  _ my  _ land. Her Imperial Majesty’s land.” The room gasped.  _ Oh no, I’m saying heretical thoughts.  _ Suki didn’t. She just sat down next to me, loudly chewing on a piece of meat shoved between two crackers.  _ Snap. Crunch _ . “I’m saying lies?” I questioned, rhetorically, to the whole room. “Your Majesty, the Empire’s officials are-” the Kyoshi Warrior cut off Lord Court Friends’ Number One Fan off “Morons.” “What she said” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder to give her a shake of approval.  _ Also, I want your lunch. That looks good. Mmm. Crunchy.  _ “That is not true!” some no named Army of the West officer shouted. After this man’s nonsense, I finally had an excuse to groan into my hand and tug on my good eye’s eyelid. 

When the dramatic stuff was done, I made my voice quite loud and quite clear, “I’m the Emperor. I say that most officials, especially of the far-distant frontier lands, have little if anything to do with the Badgermole Throne and many,  _ not all _ , maybe half, are incompetent and ill-suited to handle their positions. They’d make for great mayors or commanders of local outposts,  _ not  _ Magistrates and commanders of our many great redoubts.” The room couldn’t dispute me. Not just because I was saying the truth,  _ Kyoshi knows reality doesn’t matter to Imperials _ , but because I was voicing my semi-divine right as a semi-divine person. I’m not divine, Toph is, but due to the insane bureaucracy that exists, I’m the Consort to her. Sure, our marriage was never formalized since we kind of eloped beforehand, but it was also never annulled. 

_ Wait...does that mean I’d have to get re-married? That’d be...expensive. And possibly quite bloody for all the would-be assassins. Because there’s no such thing as too many assassins in the kitchen. I think some Prince once said that in his drunken rambles. Or...you know what, all of this makes for stories for another time _ .  _ I’m too busy dealing with blockheaded geniuses _ . 

I directed my look at the Lieutenant General while my hands awkwardly fumbled around for Suki’s two-crackers-one-piece-of-jerky combination on her thin stone plate. I grabbed her hair instead because it’s not like I have peripheral vision to my right. “I will take your recommendation into consideration. I can do very little up here.” Then I grabbed my crutches and pushed myself up. Suki jammed the last bit of the cracker into her mouth at an odd angle -stuffing it into one’s mouth as if to preserve it for selfish reasons- and joined me in getting up and being there in case reality itself sends me flying.  _ Or an airbender _ .  _ Hey, you never know _ .

“Do we have any other business here?” and I looked around the room. Most officers, the nameless ones, stayed silent. Tang held his hand up. “There was the matter of why we came here, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh?  _ “Oh?” I voiced an inner thought out loud. “Well...yes, Your Majesty. We were discussing the expansion of the old Royal Road and establishing one or two villages between Wei-Hung and the Xiongnu Wall.”  _ One or two villages?  _ I couldn’t summon Kotyan, he was busy doing things with a blanket. He needs his hands and his eyes for that.  _ I want that blanket tied on correctly _ . 

So, instead, I summoned myself. I know. I’m a reliable source. I know that. “I don’t think the Xishan would like it if you started building villages on their land.”  _ I just… you know, they’re all kinds of violently predisposed… I’d rather not be the one misfortunate -or really hated- man who is assigned to build a house in the middle of nowhere _ . Speak of the Kotyan and Kotyan returned,  _ I guess I was rambling about incompetent officials for long enough. ‘The Kotyan?’,  _ the moment he returned, I surprised him with a life-altering question. As you do.

“Do you think your Tribespeople would accept a couple villages built along the Royal Road?” The folk tales would teach me that such a question would  _ always  _ get a ‘no’ because the ‘natives’ are hostile-y in defense of their lands. He  _ shrugged _ . “I’ve got no idea. I’d need to ask them. Probably yes as long as they respect our boundaries. How large and how wide are we talking?” and he put his hands on his hips while he looked at the desk and the officers, specifically Tang. Tang wasn’t expecting to be stared at by a tall Northern man. “I...we’d build two stopover points for Sentinels going north-south. The villages would be the same size as Haidian.” Kotyan looked back at me and my crutches. “Can we,-” he coughed to clarify, “-we the Xishan get something out of this? Maybe both the towns are trading posts?” He looked back at Tang, who was in the process of reenacting a bobbling official’s head from a Pu-On Tim play.  _ ‘Oh yes, I’d love to enact your policies’, always followed by a scene of oogies.  _ “I’d say we could arrange that the Xishan get something from this.” He nodded. “I’ll talk with the Chiefs about this. They’ll probably say yes. Considering the South, well for you all, the Empire, has supplies, and they like surviving the winter, they’ll be fine with only a few small villages confined to a road.” I felt quite… unsure all of a sudden. 

I hobbled out the door and waved Kotyan over to me. Once he came outside, Suki, he, and I converged in a three-way group hug-turned-whisper. “Are you sure? I thought your brethren, no, I  _ know  _ your brethren hate the Empire.” “I’ll  _ talk  _ to them. It’s not like we’ll be living in the Empire. Past Tribes have traded with travelling traders, so it’s not like this is a first or anything. Where do you think we get our metal weapons?” I coughed. “You steal them?” He laughed. “No, no, aside from the ones we stole, Your Majesty”  _ Hmm.  _ I played with my chin, then looked back at him. “You bought them?” He nodded, finishing my statement, “With furs.”  _ Wait. _ “So the Xishan are hypocrites? They hate the Empire but like traders?” He let out a single harsh laugh. 

“The traders that come to us tend to be peaceful and non-invasive, Your Majesty. Sometimes they take our sisters as wives.”  _ I...fine. Fine. I must’ve missed this part of the exposition back when we were going north. I guess it makes sense. The Earth Kingdom as an institution was a bit… large and wide and all of that. A single person from the Earth Kingdom is not evil. I… yeah that would explain why you don’t stand out in Ba Sing Se, except for in the Imperial Guard. Because there’s other half-barbarians. But wait…  _ “So the Xiong Lin Tribes...do they do this as well?” “There’s lots of half-Kingdom half-Tribals, like General Zhi, who are descendants of those Tribes, Your Majesty. Because they were much happier to assimilate or interact with other peoples. So...yes.”  _ Right, right, of course. Zhi _ . 

I take back my earlier comment. Instead of sitting around here listening to Tian, I opted to leave. “Let’s go. Sukes! An ostrich horse. The one with the blanket, preferably.” Suki nodded and ran off. Before I left, I wanted to get this one issue concluded. “So you agree with them building villages?” and he looked at the doorway to the facility. “If they keep to how they are now, barely a presence in the valley, then I would, as King of them all, support such a decision.” So I turned away and took to slowly crossing the courtyard,  _ the bodies were all cleaned up at this point _ , headed towards an ostrich horse that Suki was standing next to. As I neared it, “But!” the King shouted. So I paused in my place. He crossed the courtyard in a few strides. When he reached me, he quietly said in a deep serious voice, “If, in a generation or two, Your Majesty, they ask for more, then there may be war.” “Right.” I replied. In a much less intense voice, he gave me a smile and took to joining Suki to help prepare the ostrich horses for our departure south.

Of course, going south wasn’t that simple. “Suki…” “Yes?” the Kyoshi Warrior politely replied as she took the lead of her ostrich horse. “Aren’t you forgetting someone? Or...you know, a  _ group  _ of Warriors who are following the ethics of a certain ancestor of ours? People who are  _ your  _ subordinates?” She made that ‘whoops’ noise before giggling uncontrollably and handing Kotyan the ostrich horse’s lead like  _ he  _ was supposed to read her mind. “You want me to eat the ostrich horse?” he half-joked.  _ He’s also hungry, then _ . “No! Go...get more people!” and she ran off. Then I heard a loud  _ slap _ and looking towards the source, “I meant ostrich horses! Get some ostrich horses! We need ostrich horses for the girls to ride! Because ostrich horses!” and her voice diminished as she barged elbow-first into some barracks somewhere. Kotyan held the ostrich horse’s lead and asked  _ me  _ “Where am I supposed to get an ostrich horse, Your Majesty?” and he looked around the courtyard. “I don’t know. Do I look like the Imperial Coach?” He shrugged. So  _ he  _ tied up the ostrich horse, went and barged back into the officer’s office while I… well I’m the Emperor, I get to go do whatever I want. So I went to go do what I wanted.  _ One last look _ .

I stood atop the extensive battlement that was the northern wall of Fort Wei-Hung. The Sky Peaks to the northwest were illuminated by the Sun. The same Sun that was now beginning to set. The Lake of Mirrors, Lower Door Lake, glistened with no ripples in sight. The Sky Peaks were reflected quite well off it’s glasslike surface. A small flock of duck-geese were flying overhead and took to landing in the nearer ramparts. When I stopped and...listened, I could hear more birds than usual. The hoarse  _ chickadee-dee-dee  _ of the Xishan Chickadee-thrush. The duck-geese were  _ honk _ ing back and forth to one another. Their landing caused a small ripple that crossed the Lake. It wasn’t enough to destroy the paint-worthy image. The hardy spruce forest may be monotonous, but the variation in thin, tall and short and round was enough to… well… part of me didn’t want to leave. The bird calls were… great. Wonderful. That cold winter air wafting down from the Frozen Sea… it was as comforting as it was unsettling.  _ I know what that blast brings _ . I looked up and down the shorelines. Up the lake at a small break in the forested shores, that was the Emperor’s Rest. I  _ just  _ made out a small statue that was erected on the shoreline. I don’t know who that statue portrays, or what, but at some point  _ someone  _ built it there.  _ Perhaps it’s a statue of me?  _ I tried looking even further north but to no avail. Somewhere, far, up in those hilly mountains, a kind of home that never was lived. I still knew the smell of the Zheng Great Hall. The meats. The fresh kills. The cooked moose-lion. And the once unnerving cry of loon-grebes echoed back and forth inside my head. It was unnerving, but it’s been superseded by something far worse.  _ Somewhere out there, the darkness resides. Somewhere out there, the darkness comes for those who aren’t prepared... _

While Suki shouted “Your Majesty, we’re ready to go!” from behind me, I went and rested on the battlements. The same battlements that still had some crossbow bolts -out of jars- resting where the floorboard met the stone wall. I rested against the battlements, with one hand on the crutch so I wouldn’t fall on the foot that was causing me a headache and a bothersome amount of pain. I rested and I mumbled a quiet prayer. 

_ Toph. One day, I hope to take you up here. There really is something about this valley and these mountains. There’s an allure about it that I can’t explain. It may be the centerpoint of a conflict, but that does not take away from it’s expansive beauty. All the tiny ponds and bogs. The forests that grow sparser and sparser. The songbirds. You can’t see it, I’m sure if you could feel the amount of trees and the height of the mountains, you’d like it. Kyoshi Island’s got a similar beauty to it, but it’s just… so much smaller. And as always, I pray for Your Majesty’s wellbeing. I shall return to Ba Sing Se soon. And I brought you a birthday present! I can’t wait to surprise you with it! Please don’t shoulder-punch the arrow-wound arm. It’s still bandaged. Sincerely, your betrothed punching bag, the Imperial Pillow, the Emperor-Consort, Me.  _

I hobbled back down the staircase. Before I could get on an ostrich horse, Kotyan pointed out that “His Imperial Majesty can’t ride an ostrich horse alone.”  _ Which… that’s quite correct. I can’t use my right foot _ . I looked at the pack of Kyoshi Warriors and their mounts. “So...which of you wants to-” I got hugged from the side by someone who smells like Ba Sing Se scented soaps. “ _ Me! _ ” the terrifyingly kindhearted eyelash woman screamed into my ear. I elbowed her in the gut, but that only made her  _ more  _ attached. So Suki casually  _ hopped  _ off her ostrich horse and tugged the woman away by the braid, treating the braid like some kind of rope you wind around your hands to pull back to shore. Suki stepped around the coiled up athlete and asked in a half-concerned tone “Are you alright?” 

I squinted at her, replied “What do  _ you  _ think?” which made her swap to a much more lighthearted ‘sure, let’s do it!’ tone. “I think you’re feeling fine and if you could go impale someone with and possibly ditch the crutches you would.”  _ Oh, yes.  _ “You know me!” I yelled loud enough that Ba Sing Se could probably hear us. She then helped me onto her ostrich horse and passed the crutches to, guess who,  _ me _ . “You’ve still got hands, right?” I nodded. “I hope you do. Your Empress will-” I cut her off. “Don’t.  _ Don’t _ .” I didn’t want to hear the next word out of her inspired-by-entertainment mouth.  _ And this is why we don’t go watch plays while hammered. Oh wait you’ve always been like this _ . She couldn’t refrain from the laughter. Everyone in our band save Kotyan -he’s too polite for this... _ ha _ \- and Ty Lee -she’s like twelve, even though she’s Suki’s age- chuckled. 

And so, the platoon of Kyoshi Warriors, the King of the Xishan, my best good boy Nan and I took to riding south. Did we eat dinner? On the road. Did we talk about nonsense? Probably. Did we make fun of how much we missed in Ba Sing Se? Yes. Did I fall asleep and as such I’m just making assumptions about all of this? Also yes.

Oh, and because Tian’s Tian, he dispatched a force of his riders to ‘escort’ us southwards.  _ Right _ . He definitely didn’t do this to gain more support from us. Credit where it’s due, I didn’t bother rejecting them. He can gift me things, I don’t need to do favors for him.  _ I am the Emperor _ .

_ Now, south, to talk to the Xishan Chiefs, and to go home _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet the Xishan Chiefs one last time!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Tardy, Tardy Folks:  
> -The chapter title's a double reference. Tian will claim credit for actions he had little personal involvement in (anyone could've pointed at the band of mercenaries). The other reference is to the song 'See, the Conqu'ring Hero Comes!' by Handel. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p1BedwyFKY )  
> -Avid readers will recall that this song was sung by the Imperial Army Choir while Mori was racing back to the Palace to warn everyone of the oncoming peasant rebellion. Yes, it's deliberate. Tian will get the same song for him.  
> -Both cases are giving credit for a military operation to a person with little involvement:  
> -Mori led the attack on Caldera, but he was one prong in a four-prong assault (himself on the right, Fong in the middle, Song in the left, the Imperial Armored Corps/Toph coming in a flanking maneuver). And his prong accomplished the least of all four, having struggled to break through the enemy's defenses. He participated in the final battle in the Royal Palace, but the Imperial Firebenders were human wave overwhelmed, the Shogun took his own life, and Azula and any other survivors surrendered.   
> -Ty Lee may or may not have a crush on Mori. She's also Ty Lee, so chances are she's well-meaning and aloof.  
> -Tian's troops are dressed like Fong's troops when he greeted the Avatar in S2E1. (Note, for reference, the average Imperial Army soldier is dressed like that).  
> -Note, just because Mori is making fun of the formalities of Tian's men doesn't mean they're bad or the formalities are bad. In Mori's mind, formality can be a good thing. However, he just came out of Xishan, where people are much...freer. And the Sentinels lack most of these formal principles.  
> -Mori's notes on nonbenders v benders is something that some readers will have noticed over the course of these chapters. More benders would've made many of the battles go differently. They'd either have had less casualties, ended quicker, or both.  
> -Mori's 'expectation' thoughts are to give context on his anger. It's not just 'he doesn't like people being late', it's that he's been taught responsibility forever. Hint, it's part of the same reason he's so damn punctual about getting things done in the Palace.  
> -This chapter reveals (part of) where Mori's journal entries came from: the Governor of Shirahama had him write down a daily journal of what he saw in the city and his conversations.   
> -The Line of Yuan is, once again, a nod to the Yuans from the era of Three Kingdoms. Yuan Shao and Yuan Shu. Tian is based on Shao, his half-brother is based on Shu. Also a humble nod to another Yuan, but I won't reveal who, or you'll google him and figure out how one of the Yuans' stories will end.  
> -Captain is a bit low for a title that commands a few thousand men of the I.M.G., but it's hereditary. And prestigious. The most prestigious title in the whole Imperial military. It may be low, but it's equal to the rank of Colonel (or rather, Senior Colonel). The high-command structure's a bit bloated in the Lieutenant section.   
> -Mori has picked up naming conventions from Toph.   
> -An aside, Tian isn't particularly evil, he's the bog-standard Imperial official outside of the small circle of professionals Mori normally deals with. He may be ambitious, but he's militarily adept and he does swear fealty to the Badgermole Throne. WE as readers may see him as someone to get rid of, but he makes up the average (with his military skills being above average). 
> 
> -This appendix will be used until the end of the arc, updated as needed.   
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, King of the Xishan  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's sole living uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother. New Chief of the Zheng.   
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia also have pronounced cheekbones, alluding to them being the parent (not cadet!) of the 'cadet' branch of the Zheng.===  
> -Aepak, an older man, the Chief  
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou tend to be the only Xishan with brown hair. They're the 'gatekeepers of Xishan' for guarding the main north-south pass===  
> -Sugr, middle-aged man, has brown hair like the rest of his people, the Chief  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++ ===Lives in the mountains===  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axe embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.


	68. Hunting Party, Banner Army

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King of the Xishan tries to get the people of Xishan to agree to a proposal that would have them leave Xishan
> 
> On the bright side, they're not in Xishan to begin with.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Four:

“If you keep getting parts of you broken or bruised or impaled with arrows, I’m going to run out sarashi to wrap you up in.” the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors said while tying said sarashi around my foot. The Sun being out meant I could actually  _ watch  _ what was happening for once. A nice courtesy, as previously I was relegated to watching a silhouetted or a woman lit by a campfire or a lantern. “You mean underwear.” her second in command, the black-haired pointy Aoma, added in, looking  _ over  _ my lying -on the ground- self and at Suki. She then turned to me, as if I didn’t already hear it, and clarified “She means underwear.” I tried my hardest to groan. Not from the pain, who knew healing balms and Ty Lee’s chi-blocking could work so well together, but from Aoma pulling a Suki while Suki was not pulling a Suki. “ _ Why _ ?” I pleaded. Aoma helped me out. “Because that’s what sarashi is also used as.” “No, I...  _ Why? _ ” 

  
  


While the second in command of my bodyguard giggled like an idiot, I turned my attention towards my cousin. “I’ll try to ignore arrows that I can’t possibly see coming,” and yes, the last part was sarcastic. “Well, you  _ can’t  _ see them coming” and she put her finger on my right cheek, not daring to touch the eyepatch or the fake eye inside it. I tried to fight my cousin’s logic with my wits. “So next time there’s a rush of blood, I’m supposed to sit back and watch everyone else die for me?” Suki laughed.  _ Right, Hayashi, thick as a trunk _ . “Are you a foot soldier or a commander?” my cousin, not as thick as a tree truck, asked. This spurred me to look around at the retinue of Gaolan Army riders since I didn’t want to say something stupid in front of a bunch of peasants.

“I’m the Emperor” I said, quite sure of myself. “An  _ Emperor  _ doesn’t need to charge head-first into battle” and she poked my cheek. She was right, of course. They were all right. I didn’t  _ need  _ to run into battle. I could probably sit back and watch the events ensue. But… as I said, “What good is an Emperor who sits at the back while his men die?” “Stop thinking about it like that!” she insisted with that nagging tone of hers. The silent circular ring of Gaolan riders gave her a passing glance. She gulped,  _ yeah, you should’ve have said something dumb.  _ “By...even  _ being  _ on or near the battlefield, you’ve got more courage than most world leaders.” and the other Kyoshi Warriors nodded.

“But that’s my point. I want the-” I paused to once again spin my head around and look at the retinue, “-valiant soldiers of the Empire to know that I’ll lead them into anything!” and I punched the air while falling backwards onto the grass,  _ who would’ve guessed I was holding myself up with my arm _ . “Will you consider less dangerous options?” I eye-gestured the Gaolan soldiers, as if to remind her of what I already knew.  _ The Imperial Army’s morale is already weak enough. If they don’t see or hear about the officers participating, what stops them from fleeing? So many officers sit at the back and toss tens of thousands of people at the problem until the problem goes away. I am not a mere officer, I am the Emperor of the Earth Empire. There will always be an expectation of me. My duty is to prove Toph’s Mandate by bringing a sword to those who contest it. I don’t need to lead the army, I just need to be at the front.  _ Then, I came out and said it. “The Emperor does not flee!” and Suki got it. She got it.

She rubbed my forehead and replied “You’re insane, cousin, insane. But-” and she helped me up, “-I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same.” Nan was tired of sleeping and got up to go offer me some motivating licks. I was glad to accept them. Suki and Aoma helped me onto Suki’s ostrich horse. “Isn’t that right, girls? Wouldn’t we do the same?” their Captain shouted. The girls punched the air, lots of “Yeah!”s, and such. “We’ll follow you wherever you go. Just...wear armor next time” and she gave me a loving sibling elbow to a part of the chest that didn’t have sarashi wrapping it. The rest of the Warriors, having gotten off their ostrich horses to form a protective circle around me, mounted and joined their Captain and their Emperor -on the same mount- in riding south.

When we first rode north, the forest itself was blanketed in snow. Conifers were white with the only proof of being evergreens being in trees steep enough that the snow slid off. When we rode south, the Sky Peaks retained their snowy toppings appearing to be like a set of pointed pastries. But the rest of the forest was less-snowy. The treetops may still have snow on them, but as one neared the forest floor, the greens and blackish hues became present. I even spotted the reddish cones that hung from the branches of the shorter, rounder, red spruces. The scent was rich with that mountain fragrance. Mountains with trees. I’d say the air’s cleaner than in Ba Sing Se, but where I live, the air’s always clean. The Lower Ring, less so. While heading north, we heard a few bird chirps; while going south, I heard far more… diversity… in calling. Duck-geese flying in flocks, the occasional bird-of-prey soaring above us, not to mention crow-ravens or sea-ravens cawing. I don’t know the other species, but to compliment the one or two chickadee-thrushes I might  _ just  _ make out eating berries from the snowless parts of trees, brownish-yellow small songbirds would frequent our travel south with their calls. Likewise, yellowish-lime birds that looked like they belonged much further south stood out quite well against the evergreens. For the best contender of ‘standing out’, I would give it to the cardinal-robin, whose red plumage was distinct and whose morning calls were calmingly pleasant to hear. Together, all of this drew me out of the fact that I was still north of civilization. The beauty of this northern environment was distracting. It was almost peaceful. If we forgot what was to the north, it became like a painting come to life. And yet, because of necessity, I had little time to stop and take in all the sights due to safety and our goal of trying to get south as fast as possible. After all, I needed my foot healed and we had a blanket to bring to someone. But before we could…

The Xiongnu Wall rose as we approached. It felt a lot smaller than I remember when coming from the south. Ten stories? A sideways glance from my good eye would tell me that the Sky Peaks were a couple  _ thousand  _ feet tall, and that’s not even the highest of them. Kotyan previously claimed that the  _ foothills  _ were a few thousand feet tall. The Sky Peaks themselves are fifteen thousand feet above the surrounding countryside. So, no, by comparison, the Xiongnu Wall’s not that large. But it’s wide. If anything, it should be called the Xiongnu Dam, since it looks more like it’s going to block the north from flooding into the south. Symbolically, I think that’d make more sense. It’d be offensive to the Northerners, but hey, we’re the Empire and. Besides, it applies more to the tidal wave of Northern Water Tribesmen,  _ get it, because they’re waterbenders _ . Therefore, the Xiongnu Dam would function well against a waterbender assault. 

Even if it’s small, it’s still a work of art. Above the main ‘gatehouse’ sat two gigantic flags. A Sentinel flag, brown earth coin on brown, and the Empire’s flag. And when I say gigantic, I mean they were the size of regular flags from all the way over  _ here _ , thousands of feet away, and considering they were half of the wall, they must be fifty-odd feet long, a similar length wide. So...so… as we approached this wall, a man on an ostrich horse rode out onto the Royal Road in front of us. He was adorned with the furs of a Chief and wearing a moose-lion on his head. His beard was braided and his hair was  _ queued _ . He raised his hands to make himself seem less threatening. There was no need. “Kotyan!” I yelled when I spotted him. “Hayashi!” he called back. The retinue of Gaolan men that had come with us looked at me. They didn’t know my name, nor did they know that my name is not Hayashi. But they do know that improper titles constitute some kind of crime, and punched their spears in the direction of the lone King. “No, no, hold back!” I yelled. So they stopped.  _ You know what?,  _ I looked at the officer that Tian had sent along. “Can the rest of you  _ please  _ go ride to the Wall?” Since I’m the Emperor and he knows I’m the Emperor, he had to listen. “As Your Majesty wishes” the man replied.  _ Good _ . He then yelled for “Form column!” while Suki -at my wish, “Let’s meet the King”,- and the other Kyoshi Warriors rode up to King Kotyan. 

“We’ve got a lot to get to. I got the Chiefs ready for your presentation.”  _ What? You… so we’re just cutting straight to it… what? _ “Presentation?” He smiled. “Yeah, reorganizing them into a Banner Army.”  _ But… _ “But… didn’t you recommend that I speak to the Council of Five, first and we speak to them...second?” Last I checked, that was the idea. I’m the Emperor, Emperor talks to Council of Five,  _ namely Song, Zhi and How for confirmation _ , then Emperor rides back west to help create Banner Army “I did, but I also spoke to the Chiefs, and we both know trying to go through the Council of Five…” he started laughing uncontrollably. “...you might as well just do nothing.”  _ I mean… yes and no. The folktales would have us believe that the top command of the military are always incompetent. They’re not incompetent, there’s just a long amount of bureaucracy that is needed to create an entirely new style of army organization. But… sure, I suppose if we could the length of time it’d take, it would be like doing nothing _ .

“Lead on, then” and he was more than happy to do just that. He led us into the woods. The Kyoshi Warriors maintained their loose rider formation around Suki and I. And Nan sprinted here, there, and everywhere in between. He really seemed to like darting between trees. He  _ really  _ liked chasing a white-feathered ptarmigan-quail. The bird tried to escape, but trying to run from Nan is like trying to run from the Dai Li. “What did you talk to them about?” I asked, talking through the woman in front of me. “Your reputation, my reputation, and how we’d make a regional garrison force.” “Was it that simple?” I asked, my voice as shocked as I was internally speechless. Kotyan chuckled. “Sure, sure, a few people had to be reminded that I’m the  _ King _ , but you know my people by now. They’re a sensible bunch when they’re not trying to kill you.”  _ I mean…  _ “I… no? They’re a bunch of backwards Tribals with very little in the way of civilization.” I only realized my stupidity after I said it. Fortunately for me, the man who killed his own father and time and time again demonstrated his loyalty to the Badgermole Throne didn’t kill me. “That’s quite correct, Chief Hayashi. The climate’s tough, some of our cultural traits are backwards, and Southerners simply have better lives.” Suki, for whatever reason, thought to contribute to this. “The most attractive quality of the Xishan are the women-” but she was cut off by Kotyan’s head almost snapping off when it turned around to address her. “What?”, he said. I realized the hilarity of the cut-off and also added to him “Can we save the Pu-On Tim for the Ba Sing Se?” “I was interrupted before I could say that the most attractive part of Xishan is that the women learn to fight.”  _ Right, right, of course _ . “Oh. But... you don’t have them for sisters.” Suki gave me a sharp elbow in the not-sarashi part of the stomach. “Yes...  _ I _ do, Kotyan.” Kotyan reconciled this. “We can all agree the Xishan culture isn’t that attractive, but it’s practical, right?” and we all nodded in unison. 

Shortly after this, we came into a meadow where a large number of fur tents were set up. A tent thrice the width of the rest of them sat in the ‘center’ of this meadow. Children were running around. I looked at their faces. I remembered some of them from that net-ball game from long ago. I don’t know if they remembered me. I don’t think they would recognize me in my Imperial Armor anyhow. If they saw my one good eye and my eyepatch, maybe. They’re children, they’re not perceptive. “Nan! Over here! No eating anyone!” and the wolf-dog howled, disappointed at the command, and ran to my side as Suki helped me dismount. I grabbed my crutches and followed the King inside. 

Of the Chiefs gathered in a circle around the fire, I only recognized four of them. The long-bearded Aepak of the Majia, the brown-haired Sugr of the Si Gou, the seashell wearing Sotan of the Xainza and the topknot-adorned Vachir of the mighty Zhag’yab.  _ Wait, no, five _ . Silently watching us from one of the walls was Girgen, his  _ guandao  _ resting on the ground next to him. The other Chiefs and Chieftesses likely rounded out the rest of the Tribes. People that came down from the Sky Peaks, I’d wager, using the runners and skiers that know many of these very mountains. I’m sure their personal journeys were adventurous in their own regard. Skiing through steep mountain passes using the stars or their memories to guide them…  _ and… why can’t I get that adventure?  _ Anyways…

“Hayashi was wounded?” the Aepak man asked, looking at my crutches.  _ Well, everyone was looking at them _ .  _ Hard to miss _ . “Yes” the King confirmed the obvious. “How?” the same man continued his questioning. Before I or Suki could say the whole truth, “He fought at the Lake of Mirrors.” The Chiefs started talking. I couldn’t understand everything they said, but the dozen or so figures sounded positive and not like they were about to kill me.  _ Which is good. That’s good _ . A few  _ fen  _ of talking between the King and his Chiefs later, Kotyan turned to me -now seated, with Nan’s head resting in my lap- and told me that “The Chiefs view your actions as valiant.” I was immediately taken aback by him speaking a normal dialect.  _ I… what actions? Sitting around? Sitting here?  _ “What actions?” I asked, confused. “Fighting with the men at Haidian.”  _ Oh… right _ . “Do I… get a reward for valiance?” His voice became a bit… sarcastic. “Guess. Tack up enough credit with someone, what do you think happens.” He said that like he was back in Ba Sing Se, telling a new recruit about how the city’s politics and favor system works.  _ Right… right… credit.  _ Once I nodded, he said “Now, onto the army matters” and he gestured for me to  _ walk  _ over to the middle of this room and… well I’m not the only one half-asleep, it seems. “Kotyan, I...they can’t understand me.” He held his face, refusing to “I’ll tell them”.  _ Alright then. Time to turn my thoughts into words. What are my thoughts?  _ “One, two  _ fen  _ to let me think?” “Sure.” Then he told the other Chiefs something and they all went quiet.  _ So I have a little time to think about all of this. Great _ . 

_ What are my thoughts?  _ Here’s a summary of what I was thinking, reorganized into something easier to record. __

The Sunan Army, first and foremost, was organized. A chain of command. Sixty men to an officer, though it’s possible there were sub-officers who were too low-ranked to be of importance. Sixty  _ riders  _ to an officer. Two Lieutenants to each group of one hundred and twenty. Two Lieutenants are led by a Captain. Four Captains to a Major, some number of Majors to a Commandant, and so on, up to Lieutenant General Ju-Long ‘the Sand Fisher’. A small number of high-ranked officers makes commanding easy for commanders. A high number of low-ranked officers allow for the kind of tactics that a mob -or the Imperial Army- couldn’t dream of. 

Second, the Sunan Riders reflected their environment. They were pastoral and nomadic and while the Imperial Campaign saw the Riders separated from their families, that’s not the norm. Sure,  _ no  _ army has their families come along to join them, but the difference is that the Riders were a nomadic people who often travel around the steppe lands with their families. These low level almost-tribal bonds allowed them to quickly muster. Since everyone grew up on the mount, it was easy to levy from the local population. They’re not infantry and they’re not driving tanks. They’re on ostrich horses, armed with bows, arrows and lances. They’re dressed in the clothes of the steppe.  _ Not  _ the fancy court robes of the Imperial Army. The Sunan Riders would not work in the tundra of the Northern Water Tribe, nor would they be effective at besieging a heavily fortified city or keep, but they don’t have to be.

Third, and this is an addition to the previous, the Sunan Riders are still quite regional in function. Sure, everything north of the Gaoling Mountains and south of Ba Sing Se would be the kind of terrain that the Riders are comfortable with, in theory. But they’re not on the road to Gaoling or Ba Sing Se. They don’t need to patrol the Gong Basili, and ostrich horses as competent as they are, aren’t needed in the Si Wong. They are  _ regional _ . After all, this was what Song proposed and agreed with, right? Regional armies for the twenty-odd regions of the Empire. Keep the force within its boundaries, it’ll be the most qualified to tackle an issue that arises within its boundaries, and unless the invader has the same kind of forces with the same experiences -so, locals- or an overwhelming numerical superiority, the regional army should win. And the regional army can, citing the previous, draw to it’s roster much easier. You won’t find more tank operators in nomadic villages in Sunan, but you will find more ostrich horse riders and mounted archers.

Fourth, the Sunan Riders were far superior to the average Imperial Army force. Now, the Imperial Army isn’t equal in how competent it is or isn’t. How’s Army of the Center knows how to form lines and they know what volleys are. The human wave of people that I joined at Caldera were, aside from the militia, formed primarily of the Army of the West and the Army of the South. Some were better at killing and living, the two are tied together, than others. But, in it’s defense, the Army of the South has a lot of ‘south’ to ‘army’ over. Most of the troops that joined the Imperial Campaign Against  _ Daofei _ , also known as the Gong Basili Campaign, informally known at taverns and brothels everywhere as ‘Smashing the Dong at the Gong’, were of the Army of the South. They weren’t the  _ best  _ of the Army of the South, but they also weren’t the worst. They were about average, and… they weren’t able to handle an ambush. Again, credit to them, a swarm of riders falling down the side of a mountain with tanks blasting holes in the lines with stone shells… I wouldn’t expect people to handle that. Point is, any future Banner Armies ought to be superior to the Imperial Army in everything they’d face...within their region. For now, I can’t train the Sunan Riders on how to siege a castle. For now. I can’t train the Sunan Riders how to fight in the evergreen forests of Xishan, either. For now. The force should still be able to defeat any invading forces and any rebellious Imperial Army forces.

_ First _ . “Kotyan.” I stood up, since speeches are better given when standing up. “Yes?” the man replied.  _ Let’s do this. Inhale. Exhale.  _ “If...the Xishan wish to do as we proposed…”  _ why must you speak in such convoluted fanciness? _ , “...they need a command structure.” I expected the King to then turn to his Chiefs and talk to them. But he didn’t. They watched the two of us, not counting Suki standing to my side or Nan trying to protect my broken foot with his body. “We have a command structure. Fifteen man hunting bands.”  _ Oh. Right. Right. Of course.  _ “Do those fifteen man parties listen to anyone?” Why ask? The lowest ranks may be organized properly, but that doesn’t mean much if the army is chaos. The Imperial Army has lots of low-ranked bands pulled out of towns. The platoon commander,  _ ha, what a nice title for such a position _ , may know his platoon quite well. It doesn’t really matter that much, does it? Because that platoon commander doesn’t know his superior at all unless the two are from the same town. 

“A relative of the Chief may command one or two hunting band leaders. Don’t you remember the war against the Gerse?”  _ Oh yeah. That.  _ “Sorry, all this” and I made a ‘dizzy’ motion with my hand, “is a bit tiring.” Suki gave me a reassuring  _ shove _ to get back into a seat. Because being nicely shoved is hard to say ‘no’ to, I took the offer. After she returned bearing a drink for me to drink,  _ as opposed to eat? _ , I could get back to thinking.  _ Note, that tastes like fresh snowmelt. Nice and cool. Great to compliment the cold air that isn’t that cold since I’m from Kyoshi Island. _ Kotyan was right of course. When we warred with the Gerse and the Kazarig Chiefs, the entire band of summoned tribal warriors didn’t just follow their Chief. They were divided into fifteen man parties who followed the strongman or strongwoman of the party, who in turn followed an ‘officer’ if I could even call the fur-dressed men and women that. 

Because I didn’t want to get even more confused, I proposed a temporary command structure. “Let’s call the leader of the hunting band a…” and I trailed off to let Kotyan propose something. “Arrowhead?”  _ That’s… that’s so stupid.  _ “Sure...for now. As in, until I leave.”  _ I suppose the title works. It’s easier than ‘strongman’ or ‘leader of a hunting party’ and since there’s women here ‘strong person’ doesn’t really have the same roll-off-the-tongue, does it?  _ “So there’s a couple Arrowheads are led by an officer, and the officers are led by the Chief?” “That’s correct.”  _ You know, as stupid as it sounds it does make things easier _ . “Is there a uniform number? Something like ‘Four Arrowheads to an officer, two officers to a Chief?’” He pulled a thin stone pillar out of the ground and rested on it. “No, because each Tribe has its own force of hunters and some, like the Pangou, have forces thousands strong while others, like the Weiyi Mountains, have thirty.” 

“Then-”  _ this is going to be so difficult, but… _ “-can’t you reorganize the structure? Remember the Sunan Riders? Let’s say I had ten Lieutenants under my command. Then I’d know I had six hundred Riders under my command.” “The only way I could do that is if I removed the tribal boundaries and made all of us one large group.” “So… you can’t do that?” I took another drink. The Chiefs continued watching us. Did they know what we were discussing? Did they not? If they did, they didn’t have the facial expressions to support it.  _ If you can’t remove the boundaries, what about the high command?  _ “You’re leading the Xishan-” the Chiefs locked onto what I said when they heard the word ‘Xishan’, “-so why not reorganize the top of the ‘army?’” “What do you mean?”  _ You’re not wrong. Sometimes I don’t know what I mean, either _ . “You told the Chiefs what to do during the Gerse War, so why not use that the rest of the time?” I changed my tone to be more formal to inquire “What’s your army size?” The King turned to look at his Chiefs, spending some time scanning each one, then back to I. “The Pangou have maybe… ten or eleven thousand but runners have told me they’re out in Qiugou, the Majia have like three thousand, maybe more, but when we retreated south, most of the warriors helped the women and children flee into the Zhenzheng Mountains. The Si Gou and Xainza do have a few thousand each, and they’re most of what’s in our encampment here. Then there’s the Zhag’yab, but Vachir’s told me that they, like the Majia, fled into the foothills during the...massacres. I’d guess they have a slightly smaller number. As for the other tribes, we’re depleted. A few hundred to each? And there were countless minor Tribes that didn’t join the Gerse Campaign and they’ve got a hundred warriors, each.” It was clear that he was guessing.

We have no idea how many there are or aren’t. Before the Water Tribe came knocking, it was hard to count forces. When we warred with the Gerse, it was only the standing, actively hunting men -and some women- who joined us. Only certain hunting bands associated with certain ‘Arrowheads’ who opted to follow their Chiefs across multiple commanderies of land. So a Tribe might have thousands of people in it, but they’ve all got the same thirty to sixty names. Since nobody can read or write, it’s not even like there’s a scroll somewhere that did a headcount of the population. Of course, the Empire is likewise uncountable but that’s because there’s too many of us to count. And when the Water Tribe did invade, it would’ve been really stupid for someone to run east -and ford rivers,  _ rivers _ \- to try and join up at the Pass. Most of these Tribespeople know their own terrain and the Water Tribesmen can’t climb into the mountains. Oh, and of course, any Tribes that border mountains have an unknown portion of themselves inhabiting the more fertile valleys. It’s theoretically possible that there are entire tribes of people living in valleys as of yet unmapped. If the  _ Xishan  _ have rumors about the land and they’re the ones that hunt it in, then who knows? So...maybe there’s thousands. Maybe there’s a hundred. All I could use for information was what I was told.  _ Maybe one day someone will do a headcount. _ With this in mind, I had a proposition. I may not know much math, but I do know how to slice things apart. And you can slice numbers apart!  _ Wild, right?  _

“Fifteen goes well into a sixty, does it not? Four Arrowheads to an officer. Except this officer would be a more experienced Arrowhead. Then, you save the officers for commanding experienced Arrowheads. Since you’ll have a lot of experienced Arrowheads, maybe five to an officer proper. Then, you only need three officers to match the largest of the Tribal forces. If the Zheng only have two hundred able-bodied hunters, then they’ll only need three experienced Arrowheads to command the force. Three people to communicate with instead of twelve. If the Pangou have a thousand, then the Chief or Chieftess only needs to speak to three officers instead of  _ sixty  _ Arrowheads.” I  _ like  _ feeling smart. It’s fun. “That’s...not a bad idea” the King remarked. “ _ See _ , this is why you don’t get almost killed in battles. You can be awake to say smart things… and not smart things”  _ thanks Sukes. I’ll make sure to incorporate that in the future _ . But… such simplicity is one, far too simple for the Empire and two, idealistically impractical. 

And Kotyan, after a  _ fen  _ of smiling, pointed as to why. “To use more… Southern terms… the Zheng would have too many officer-like men as foot soldiers and the Majia would have too few. Just because someone’s good at commanding fifteen of his blood-brothers and sisters doesn’t mean they’re good at tactics.”  _ That is quite true. As previously stated, many militias are formed by people who know one another quite well but are totally incompetent on the field of battle.  _ I had a counter to Kotyan. “Aren’t the Majia and Zheng blood brothers?” Aepak understood that question,  _ how much else did they understand? _ , and gruffly stated “We are.” Surprised,  _ though not showing it, _ I looked at him. “So wouldn’t the Majia accept a Zheng ‘officer’?” Kotyan rubbed his beard and answered for me. “That would depend. Which officer? The Arrowhead or the more experienced Arrowhead?” 

_ You know what, I’m done using that silly title.  _ “Can we change it to Sergeant and Lieutenant? I love arrows as much as the next man with a couple arrow scars, but still.” and Kotyan agreed, “Sure, Sergeant and Lieutenant.” With enough time passed to let anyone who would speak against us do so -nobody did, the Chiefs watched Kotyan and I with wariness, Suki watched Kotyan and Nan, Nan watched my foot with tongue-wagging anticipation and Girgen watched everything- I opted to continue. “A Sergeant is bound to his blood-brothers, right? So… so... he can’t be replaced. Because blood brothers. But a Lieutenant can be. Then, the officers can stay being officers and they’ll be commanding a mixed force of Zheng and Majia Lieutenants.” Kotyan sat down and pondered this by putting his head in his hands. And he pondered. And pondered. And pondered. I don’t know what he knows, but he knows his fellow Tribespeople better than any of us Southerners ever would. And it’s why, when he finally did respond, it was even  _ more  _ satisfying than it normally might be. “That would work. Yes, yes. That would work.” 

_ Second _ . The Xishan are people of their homeland. As obvious as this may seem in retrospect, when approaching the concept of army organization from a ‘Southern’, Imperial, perspective, remembering that not every force is akin to the Imperial Army and it’s uniformed chaos - _ ha _ \- is hard. Once Kotyan had finished figuring out the previous part of this task, and we had all been sufficiently quenched of thirst by means of boiled-snowmelt water, we moved on to the other parts of this possibly army’s organization. Just as the Sunan Riders can’t abandon the mount, the Xishan can’t abandon their hunts.  _ So, let’s discuss. And propose _ .

“As part of this new force, I would support that the Tribes maintain their cultural identity. I’m aware that in late spring, the hunters depart the villages and don’t return until near early fall. It would be nonsensical to try and remove the large force of well-trained hunters from their homes, since the Tribes need them for hunting as well as fighting, right?” Kotyan took a little while to comprehend all that, then nodded. “If you removed our traditions, we’d stop existing. If you removed our way of getting food, we’d also stop existing. Because, you know… death. Starvation and all that. So...yes. We do need our hunters for hunting.”  _ No way. Hunters hunt?  _ “As hunting is a primary part of your way-of-life, I’m in no position to ask for a standing army. However...however…” I tapped my knee, “...However...however however...”,  _ hey, all of you, stop looking at me like I’m repeating myself.  _ “...you could be levied from the major villages, yes?”  _ Major villages. That’s about as ironic as a war being civil.  _ “We could. We have runners.”  _ That’s great. It is. Really.  _ I liked hearing that he  _ could  _ but in mentioning runners -actually, skiers- he reminded me of one of the problems we faced while further north. 

“But the Tribes are too spread out. Let’s say an invasion force comes-”  _ ha. We don’t need to ‘say’, we’re lived it just a few day’s ostrich horse ride to the north _ , “-by the time the full army was mustered, the villages would be destroyed.” Kotyan took some deep breaths. “And what do you propose? We centralize?”  _ Well…  _ “Yes. All these random little hamlets in the middle of nowhere have households…” then I paused because I can’t just pull this out of nothing.  _ Where am I going with this?. Right, right, of course, levies and villages _ , “Those households contribute part of your forces. A single village might contribute a Lieutenant worth of men, but when faced with a couple thousand invaders, it’s for nothing.” He countered, reasonably, with “We can’t just put all the Tribes together.” 

“Who said putting all the Tribes together? Within the Tribal lands, instead of having three large villages, ten little villages and a hundred hunting cottages scattered about the woods, have one large village and the outlying hunting cabins. Or have the three villages be within… I don’t know, a single day’s march? Less? Fewer?” Then I took a sip of water while giving Nan a chin-scratch. Kotyan responded during this. “Wouldn’t that just cause more problems? A single Tribe would only have a couple hundred warriors to muster.” I put the flask down on the table to my side. “A couple hundred warriors  _ is  _ better than a dozen.” He sat in silence for another  _ fen  _ before putting his fist down on the small stone table to his side. 

_ “No. I’m not doing it!” _ I didn’t appreciate the Chiefs glaring at me that much. I’m glad Suki and Nan are wiser than I am, because this idiocy could’ve ended far, far, more idiotic. “What about a mustering ground?” I asked, still noble in tone. I’m not going to suddenly start pleading because the master earthbender and experienced metal bender over there is upset.  _ And… kinslayer _ . “A mustering ground  _ does  _ make sense.” Curious, and stupid, I asked “Why can’t you do it? The...centralization?” “Our Tribes can’t just abandon our decentralized villages. It’s traditional. It’s part of our culture. And all the frontier houses… when invaders do come, that’s where most of the Tribes fled to. No invader can scour the Sky Peaks or their foothills. They can’t invade the little houses built in the valleys of the fifteen thousand foot Sky Peaks, can they?” I rejected the opportunity to respond to that rhetorical question, instead changing the subject. “So we agree on some kind of mustering ground?” “Yes, we do. But the rest of the year, the hunters are hunters.” “Deal.”  _ Deal? What am I, some kind of hustler in the Lower Ring?  _ Suki gave me a look that said ‘you sure of that word?’  _ Yes. Maybe.  _ In conclusion, this draft of a draft of a concept would have the Xishan maintain their traditions and... _ wait, wait, wait, wait… wait we’re only halfway done _ .

_ Third _ . The Xishan lands are quite harsh. And cold. And deadly. And inhospitable. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason the Water Tribes waterbenders didn’t kill us on our way south was because they ran out of places to pillage for food. All the mercenaries that were sent ahead ate up everything they could. It would also explain why we didn’t see any waterbenders. They ran out food and had gone fishing or something. Granted, it’s also possible they were hunting us and this was all a big sport. But… it’s always good to try and make strategic sense of situations.  _ Or maybe they were just pillaging places with actual treasures, not a bunch of sleep-deprived men and their associated women and children wandering south like some drunk turtle ducks. At least… they stopping coming after us after the Si Gou Pass. Who knows?  _ After Kotyan had obtained something to eat, some smoked ostrich horse meat imported from the Xiongnu Wall, we continued our talking points. 

“The Xishan will remain a regional force.” A simple declaration, a simple statement, a simple fact. “Yes, that would be best.” I had a joke to offer. It was  _ just  _ a joke. “It’s funny...because the Xishan are feared by the entire Empire! It’s a good thing that they’re only up here or they’d-” “Wait!” the King shouted, interrupting me.  _ I...maybe don’t interrupt me?  _ “Wait what?” I asked. “What? Why wait?” asked Suki, who just returned from bringing us something to drink. “You… you said something smart!” the King frantically pointed at me.  _ I… I don’t say smart things that often. I’m just a tree-man who’s supposed to give the Empire an heir.  _ “What did I say?” and then I went over what I said.  _ A statement and a joke. Yes. Great.  _

“The Xishan are feared! You want to keep the frontiers in line, bring a couple of us along with you!”  _ I… _ “I’m sorry, what?” “Bring some of us with you! We’ll scare  _ anyone  _ and there’s no opponent too large for us.”  _ I…  _ “You’re...you’re telling me to bring a bunch of you along with…”  _ wait a miao…  _ “Didn’t I already agree to bringing a hunting band?” “No, no, a hunting band is a few people! Bring more than that!”  _ I…  _ “Are you inebriated?” I don’t know why my tone jumped up a few pegs on the ladder, but it did.  _ Well now I sound like the Avatar’s waterbending girlfriend.  _ “No. I’m not!” he insisted.  _ What a turn of fate. Normally it’s the other way around _ . “Why...why would I bring a bunch of Northerners…” but I couldn’t finish that sentence because there was nothing to finish. “Remember when you were near Omashu and we dealt with all those idiots?” He let me answer. I answered as best as I could with this sudden quiz. “Vague memory. Singing contest. Fertility festival. We used them as meatshields, right?” “That’s right” Kotyan confirmed. Then he added something. “The earthbender closed in the cave entrance and let all the Nomads die so the  _ daofei  _ wouldn’t chase us.”  _ Ah, yes, of course.  _

“Anyways…”  _ hey, that’s my line _ , the passionate Kotyan went off, “...instead of having the earthbender elbow everyone she doesn’t like in the face, just bring a couple of us!”  _ I… What?  _ “No?” I left it off as a question because I was uncertain of what I was supposed to say. I tried my hand at rejecting it. “We’ve already got an intimidating bodyguard force. They’re all teenage girls and they have fans and anyone stupid enough to underestimate them tends to meet their fans on the slicey end.” Suki let out a quiet cheer of ‘yay!’. “Sure, you do, but in your own words, is there ever such a thing as too much security?”  _ I...you’re…  _ I started talking with my hands. “I...uhh… I was… uhh… talking about the, well, earthbender, and… that was when we were attending a tournament. Not going on a campaign...” then I realized what I said and how I said it and slapped myself in the face.  _ Also, how could anyone forget Earth Rumble Seven?  _ “I’ll take a single hunting band now. Do well and I’ll take more bands with me later.” He smiled. I insisted “ _ Later _ ” and he went back to a neutral face. 

A private bodyguard corps of Xishaners. They’re loyal to me and only to me since if any of them are stupid enough to try anything, they’ll face a rampaging mob of other bodyguards. In other words, as long as I am alive, they have value.  _ This… this is something I need to consult a master for. Not myself. Because I’m a tree.  _ Note to self,  _ ask Master Lao Ge when I return to Ba Sing Se.  _ “Go pick your fifteen best and I’ll take them.” Kotyan stood up, ready to go. “ _ Later _ ,” I added. So he sat back down. “We didn’t finish talking about this reorganized force,  _ did we _ ?” and I left that statement off with a bit of sarcasm. Kotyan knew it as well. “No… we aren’t done.” Sometimes, even monarchs have to be reminded of responsibilities, I guess.  _ Right, because that’s your secondary job when you’re in the Empire, isn’t it? Remind the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits that she’s supposed to go to the Imperial Court. Some day. Some day you’ll do that. When the Beifong flying boar takes flight… except… that’s the sigil of her House. When the fox-boar takes flight. There you go _ .

“The Xishan-” the other Chiefs and Chieftesses locked onto me as I said that, “-will remain within their region.” and I put my hand down on my leg. “But this is Beishan,” the King stated, a bit of a Fire Lady tone to him.  _ I...wait, you’re right _ . “I’ll take a paper, a stamp, and rename the whole valley if I want to. My point stands...unlike my legs. I’ll petition the Council of Five to send an army under my command up here and remove the invader’s presence if it exists. Then, you’ll… the Tribes will be free to live along the Frozen Coast once again. And… the Tribes that were originally from here… they’ll be reinstated.” “If I may give a suggestion” the King requested, quite formal in tone, but lacking all the normal formalities since we’re technically not in the Empire and if he starts kowtowing  _ someone  _ will have to get their head crushed. “Go ahead.” 

“Can we use the turmoil in the region to unify  _ all  _ the old Tribal lands?”  _ What? _ “But...I thought the Xishan hated unity. Aren’t you all ‘I for myself and what I can carry’ types?” “After recent events, we’ve had more unity than in the past hundred years. And there have been Chiefs of Chiefs previously. Gundes, third to bear that name and be Chieftess of the Chiefs.”  _ Wait. Wait. Wait.  _ His enthusiasm needed to be… stopped. So much idealism. “You want to take all this land and bring it under one ruler?  _ All  _ this land?” I stressed the ‘all’ and waved my hand around this room to metaphorically include the land we sat upon as well. “Not I, my brother. We’ll be getting weapons from the South, right?”  _ I…  _ “As part of joining us as a Banner Army, yes.” “Then… we’ll stay in this region.”  _ Good _ . He walked over to me and leaned in to whisper “Just remember, you  _ did  _ promise lands south of the Xiongnu Wall.” “I did?” I said quite loudly. “Yes. But… knowing that the Empire won’t attack us anymore is a good consolidation… for now” and he hit me in the back. He then walked back to his not-a-throne and sat down on it.  _ So you’ll stay up here. Good. Be a buffer. _

_ Fourth _ . I wasn’t going to go back on something I  _ did  _ promise them, weapons. “If you want to be a good force, you’re going to need metal. Lots of metal. And it just so happens that I know a place.” The King and the Kyoshi Warrior both laughed. “I want you to be better trained than the main army.” and again, the two of them broke into laughter. “Better trained? I’m pretty certain a child with an imaginary sword could be better trained!” and the King slapped his leg from laughter. I’m quite good at killing the mood. Or so my critics might claim. And they might be right. “Do your hunters know any formations?” The serious question stopped the King’s booming laughter in its place. “I...no they don’t.” “I will have them taught formations.” and I was about to call over a piece of parchment and something to write with, but I’m in an encampment with none of that. 

And,  _ and _ , Kotyan seemed against it. “The only formation they ever need to know is the formations they learned as children. To form into wings and strike quickly. When they need to engage in close-quarters combat, they will, and they’re usually quite effective.” It seemed like the King was falling into a natural defense of his culture. Kind of to be expected, except… not, as he's the Xishan Tribes’ biggest critic. I needed to stop any pretend notions. “And so? Are they any good against a pitched army? Surely you know that against riders, they’d be crushed.” “I…” he took a deep breath, “No...they’re not good against riders.” “You’re-” and I pointed at him, “-proving my point. Will you let Imperial officers be sent up here to tutor your officers in the art of tactics?” He gulped. “Yes. I’ll make sure it will be done.” 

With this in mind, I got up,  _ thanks for the help, Sukes _ , and hobbled to the middle of the room. “Suki, my  _ jian _ ” and she pulled it out for me. “Kotyan. I-” I took the blade with my sword-hand and held it up as best as I could with one crutch in the ground and the other foot trying to keep the broken one off the ground. “I, the Earth Emperor, declare the creation of the Xishan Banner Army!” then, unceremoniously, handed my blade back to Suki, who in turn sheathed it for me. I looked at the Chiefs and their lack of expressions. “Why… do they not have thoughts?” and one of the unnamed ones scowled at me.  _ So you did understand what I said. Or at least understood it right now _ . “They’re all waiting to talk to me. Which I’m going to go do now” and he gave me a polite two-handed ‘get out of here’ push wave.  _ I got it. I got it. No need to be obvious about it _ . So I took my crutches, my good boy -and his woofing- and Suki and left the King’s private tent.

Once outside, we took to walking over to the place where the other Kyoshi Warriors had gathered. The Sun was a little above the tall Xiongnu Wall as we took our lunches -some provisions we had taken from Fort Wei-Hung- and sat in a rough circle either on the ground or, for me, a tree stump. Ty Lee was practicing her tree-scaling and insane abilities to acrobatically jump off trees or something like that. Nan was chasing her, clearly confusing her for some kind of dinner and not for a person because people can’t just voluntarily defy gravity… except she can.  _ Some kind of technique… probably to do with her light build… and… you know what, my Empress can bend earth and she’s a short thin young woman, I’m not going to bother _ . With Ty Lee practically flying through the trees as our backdrop, Suki and I had some private-r time to talk to one another. We were far enough away from the encampment that, unless we  _ screamed _ , they wouldn’t hear us over the chatter of playing children and hunters having returned from a hunt.

“You sure giving ‘them’ all this autonomy is a good idea?” and she  _ crunch _ ’ed down on a two-cracker-one-jerky meal that was neither a meal or a snack. “What’s the alternative?” I posed, enjoying twirling a berry around in my tongue. “Send them back north?” “Sukes, these are Kotyan’s people. We made a promise.” The berry was crushed on my teeth. “The Archives...autonomy leads to rebellion” and she gave me a wary look. “And I have my sources”  _ I do. Someone did tell me to do this _ . 

“Your  _ sources _ ? What sources? Your sources haven’t seen the stories of roving bands killing everything in their path, have they?” She sounded quite skeptical and a hint of being annoyed. And… everything she said was wrong. I had to counter this with humble confidence. “No, my sources might’ve lived through it. Besides-” and I put a hand on her shoulder, “-once we get back to Ba Sing Se, I’ll talk to the Council of Five. I will never have to deal with these matters, personally, ever again, unless I choose to. As long as the foundation is there, the four basic tenants of a Banner Army, it’ll work out.”  _ Right?  _

I don’t know if I believed everything I said, since I tend to have to deal with a multitude of matters personally and considering I’m one of the few people of rank who gained the trust of the Xishan, I might have to deal with them again. Suki had other thoughts. For our sake, she didn’t eat with her mouth full. “The Council of Five is… come on! We all know how terrible they are at handling anything.”  _ I’m not going to bother this time, she’s not referring to them being idiots but the bureaucracy.  _ I don’t understand my cousin sometimes. Sometimes she’s the biggest advocate of the Empire, sometimes she’s saying this. Maybe it’s because we weren’t  _ in  _ the Empire so we could get away with saying what we wanted.  _ She’s honest. That’s why. She’s honest. _

“What’s your point? Leave them be here?” and I threw another berry into my mouth. “No... just don't arm them and teach them our strategies. If you want to do what’s never been done and bring peace between the Northerners and the lands south of them, that’s great. But if you start giving them ideas… well it won’t end well for the Empire.”  _ I… maybe? Maybe not? I had thought about this. _ I tried to make her see my logic. “Think about this, if they’re loyal to  _ me _ , then as long as I’m alive, they’ll be alive. Don’t you see?” “You’re not going to want to hear what I’m going to say-” I cut her off, “I probably won’t, but I can’t have you executed for saying something mean, we’re not in the Empire after all,” then let her continue, “-but that’s a selfish reason. And while  _ you  _ have the right intentions, the rest of the Imperial Court will probably want your head for this. Especially if you return with a band of… well not offense to Kotyan, but his kin and their fur cloaks. Like the Sunan Riders, but uncivilized.”

Suki says really wise things. That’s a benefit of going to class. But I didn’t go to class. “I’m still going to take a single hunting party back with me. The Imperial Court can’t go after me for having a single small retinue.” She groaned. “They could. They  _ might _ . Do you want to get assassinated by the Imperial Court this year or next?” I took her comment as a joke, even though I have enough marks in my skin to remind me otherwise. “Preferably, never again” She got on her knees, took my hands, and looked me in my good eye. “These  _ aren’t  _ the people we grew up with. Yes, they have similar ethics. Yes, they’re good fighters. But those who followed Kyoshi were always loyal to the Badgermole Throne, loyal to the concept of centralization, even if they weren’t loyal to whoever sat on it.” 

_ I’m sorry, what?  _ I let go of her hands because she just said gibberish and that’s my job. “What? We grew up totally isolated from Ba Sing Se.” She corrected herself. “The Earth Islands didn’t.”  _ What in the name of Kyoshi do I care about the Earth Islands?  _ “Why do I care about the Earth Islands?” “ _ They’re  _ our kin. Not all of  _ this _ …  _ this! _ ”  _ But… you… we… all this travelling…  _ “Where was your voice of opposition the last season of campaigning and fighting and warring and all that?” She suddenly let her head tip over towards the floor. In a more defeated tone, she explained “I wasn’t against helping these people. And I’m not against helping friends of Kotyan.” Then she sat back on her knees and looked at me. “But  _ arming  _ them? Teaching them to fight as we do? Didn’t we see how efficient the Sentinels were at defending their own easy-to-defend positions?”  _ I mean… the Sentinels failed for a variety of reasons, no less the training as their enemies. Likewise, Fort Wei-Hung didn’t fall immediately.  _

“Where’s the cut off line?” I asked and followed it with some half-sarcastic commentary. “So I can make them an autonomous buffer state but I can’t ensure their survival?” She took my good shoulder and shook some sense into me. “If. You. Get. Them. Trained. All it takes is one despot and we’ll have Chin but snowy.”  _ Right… and? _ “Chin was hundreds of years ago.” She sighed. “And how did he start? Where  _ did  _ Chin come from? Do you remember?” and yet again, her going to class benefited her. “You...just do the exposition thing. I’m too busy thinking about what they’re saying in-” and I pointed at the building a thousand feet from us, “-there.” “Ahhh!  _ Fine,  _ listen good, cousin!” and she began pacing back and forth.  _ I’ll listen. I’ll listen _ .

“Chin was originally from the lands of Xiong Lin. He was the child of Earth settlers, not the Xiong Lin Tribes, but it didn’t matter. Being  _ from  _ such a hardy place accustomed him and others like him to fighting in conditions most soldiers would freeze to death in. He grew up an expert archer, just like-” and she paused to let me get it,  _ the hunters here _ , “-and he ended up in the local garrison. He rose through the ranks, quelling  _ daofei  _ bands that scourged the land. He went to Ba Sing Se, as all aspiring officers did then and now, and hoped to seek an audience with the Council of Five. He didn’t, for he was considered too ill-mannered. He didn’t care. He impressed the right people, some Crown Prince, and got himself a Generalship. Then the Yellow Necks rose up, and it was his time to shine. He went back to the lands of the Xiong Lin, they had quickly quelled the rebellion, and found that the Xiong Lin were also rebellion. He effortlessly crushed them when the Earth King’s armies could not. The populism he achieved gave him ideas. He took his armies south. He knew the ways of the Earth King’s armies but he had one better. His men were fearless and  _ he  _ was fearless. They were hardy and he was as hard as them. During Jianzhu’s era and Kyoshi’s first years, he was ignored as being a minor warlord somewhere. But...he grew in power. Two warlords fought, he attacked the weakened victor. Some time on, after killing anyone who got in his way, he marched south and, well, you know the rest of the story.”  _ Thank you for the story, Suki. I’m glad you attended classes as a young girl.  _

But I didn’t understand. “What’s your point? We know Chin was a tyrant.” “ _ Don’t you get it _ ?” she snapped back, clearly not understanding that I didn’t understand. “No. I don’t. Tyrants rise and fall. How many warlords rose out of the steppe? Or from the fertile Dongfang lands? Many. Many many. So what?” She groaned like a dying boar-q-pine. “Don’t act without thinking!” and she grabbed me and tried shaking intelligence into me. “I agree with the Banner Army, but if you want to go train a group of people, why not the Earth Islanders?”  _ What is it with you and the Earth Islanders?  _ I opted to voice my thoughts as a question. “What’s with you and the Earth Islanders?” 

For this, her voice became optimistic and cheerful and passion-filled. “They also follow Kyoshi’s Ethics and like Kyoshi Island, they faced raids by pirates or  _ daofei _ but unlike Kyoshi Island, lacked a large friendly Unagi to eat them.”  _ Again, so?  _ “What’s your point? Should I go make a Islander Banner Army?” I asked, sarcastically. “Yes!” she shouted, really, really, loudly. Enough to make the other Kyoshi Warriors pull their heads out of their food to look at us. Enough to make the hunters that were skinning a dead bird stop to look at us. “Why...why-” and I mocked her voice “‘-yes’?” “One, that’s a stupid name. Two, I don’t know them beyond like one island.” She countered, as always proving her knack for education. “I was reading up on them before we left on this trip. Right up until, in fact.” “And…” I sighed, “...you didn’t think to bring this up, I don’t know,  _ before  _ we travelled into this?” Then I sighed a bit angrier. “We got off the monorail and went right into fighting. Haven’t stopped since. Until now.” and she gestured in such a fashion I expected the Spirits themselves to send some kind of meteor down behind us and prove her wrong. Nope. Didn’t happen. “I’ve also met some Islanders in Ba Sing Se. They’re-” but she was interrupted by Kotyan’s voice yelling something I couldn’t hear. So I yelled “What did you say?” while he ran over to us.

“The Chiefs...agreed...to rearranging themselves” and he had to catch his breath, “into the Xishan Banner Army.” Suki gave me a  _ very  _ concerning look. “What’s the details?” I asked, instead of doing as she said. He pulled a chunk of earth out and sat down on it. After he was done catching his breath, “We’re going to have fifteen to an Arrow, each Arrow controlled by a Sergeant, but not that title a new title, but for your sake, four Sergeants to a Lieutenant, five Lieutenants to one of the Chief’s relatives. Tribes with larger populations will be expected to provide a roaming force of hunters. The Pangou and Majia, primarily... Extra Arrows will be used for scouting or reserves when called to arms. Except for the standing forces of the Pangou and Majia, the rest of the army will act as it would now, hunting and gathering. We’re...not going to leave our lands, but we’re also going to subdue any rival Tribes to unify everything north of that” and he pointed at the towering wall to our south. 

“And as for the training, I told them to wait until I got to the Jade City and spoke to the Council of Five. They don’t seem to care for learning formations, so I wasn’t going to push it.” “Wait… but… you can’t… you’re the Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard. You…” and the two of us eyed the Captain. “You can’t just… you have oaths.” At my statement, he offered a bow to me. “You’re right. I _do_ have oaths. That’s why I won’t be King. I’m abdicating it. Last thing I do before we leave.” _What? What?_ “But...how will you? Who…?” I didn’t even have the words to finish what I was saying. It was just so... _what?_ _What?_ “Kopyak. My younger brother.” “And you?” he pulled back on his furs, revealing gilded armor. _“I’ve got an Empress to go protect_.” _Good to hear it_. Suki gave me a ‘you’re not doing anything stupid, _yet_ ’, look. And I, instead of countering that, got up -thanks Aoma- and followed Kotyan back towards his tent. Suki followed me, and Nan returned from chasing Ty Lee to have real lunch.

It’s a rare sight in these places to see a new tradition being invented. Sure, when the Empress is around, there’s a new tradition practically every other day.  _ But we’re not in the Empire, yet _ . The younger brother of Kotyan looked just like him, except his face didn’t age like Kotyan’s did. Kopyak knelt to the side of an outdoor fireplace while a Horn’s attendant finished combing his hair. With his hair clean and his forehead almost shiny enough to reflect light, Horn Uzluk tipped the bowl over and ‘anointed’ the new monarch with the blood of a sea-raven. Watching him was his elder brother, myself, Suki, the Kyoshi Warriors, a retinue of men from Tian’s forces, along with the many Chiefs and Chieftesses, their bodyguards, and the two old women. In the beauty of the daylight,  _ never take it for granted, _ the two were less terrifying. The blind one’s face drooped, her glazed over eyes lacked any emotion while also being intimidating  _ with  _ their lack of emotion, the sighted one kept her eyes varying between the new ruler and the man dressed in Imperial Blue. 

A new tradition, the ruler was given the blessings of strength, of longevity, and of  _ unity _ . “To bring together all Tribes, as the Chief of Chiefs did long ago,” Kotyan explained in a hush. Suki traded a wary glance with me. I paid it no heed. When the young man rose from his humble kneel again, the entire crowd burst into cheers and howling and applause. He was not the King, but the Chief of Chiefs. The Imperial Army detachment behind us didn’t cheer. I wasn’t cheering. I was busy thinking about going home again. The other Kyoshi Warriors gave their formal applause of clapping and Suki quietly watched everything take place. When the ceremony was done, the new ruler was hugged by two young women who... _ no, you’re kidding me… _ I didn’t want to think about it then.

Kotyan took fifteen of the best Zheng warriors. Some were his father’s men. Some were his distant cousins. All were experts with the bow, the spear and the axe. They spoke enough of our normal dialect that I could issue them commands and maybe even have a conversation with them. They’d learn more in Ba Sing Se. They couldn’t ride ostrich horses.  _ They’d better learn _ . He also brought the Horn Uzluk, and, for all our entertainment and annoyance, his two youngest sisters. “Why are they coming?” I asked while the one airhead Ty Lee spoke to the two moss-heads. “They need to learn the ways of the Imperial Court,” the former King explained. “ _ Imperial Court _ ? They’re not nobles.” “I intend for them to be.” and he whistled for his,  _ my _ , new bodyguards to run on ahead towards the Xiongnu Wall. And for the two sisters to bring the giant blanket. I pointed for Tian’s men to get going to the wall and they did. “To the wall!” I yelled. My real bodyguards snapped their ostrich horse’s reins and we rode towards the large gate. 

I gave a last look to the lands of the Xishan. A bunch of men and women cheering while a man with blood dripping down his cheeks drank something out of a bowl. The two old women were watching all of us ride away in a proper Imperial formation. Around all the Tribals, the white-tipped conifers stretched forever outwards. The Sky Peaks cradled the endless forest. And… a Horn let out the  _ ooo-ahhh-ooo  _ call of the loon-grebe. 

“His Imperial Majesty has returned!” came the voice of a gatekeeper… somewhere. We rode into the keep’s courtyard. When we did, I looked around at the people who had come out to see us. Sentinels had stopped training and fell into kowtows. Others were in their barracks and looked out the barely window windows. Then, my head turned towards Ling-Li’s private office, and as I looked along the balcony, I spotted two old men leaning on the railing. One held a teacup, the other was pouring himself some. Sentinels ran up to grab our ostrich horses. Suki hopped off and helped me off the ostrich horse. After this was done, during all the kowtowing and bowing and formalities, I hobbled up to be below the balcony of the two tea-drinkers. Then I looked  _ up  _ and finally got to see them. 

_ Oh, you’re kidding _ . 

“General Song?” “ _ Iroh _ ?” The Aged General hit the railing, pulling my mind from that. “So the lands of the crazy loon-grebe people haven’t addled Your Majesty’s mind!” The second held out a teacup, “How was Your Majesty’s trip?” I hobbled over to the staircase. “It was a good trip…”  _ how do I even title you,  _ “...General.” After ascending the stairs, I tried my best to give a proper royalty-to-royalty bow from the Emperor to the Fire Lord’s uncle and once Crown Prince  _ and one of the greatest firebenders of this generation _ .

He grabbed my shoulders and helped me not do that. “No need, Your Majesty” and he tapped his stomach with his palm. “Respect is good, but healing is better!” then he turned to his side, “Don’t you agree, General Song?” The Aged General was far less cheerful. “I agree.” 

“What... _ why  _ are you two here?” I directed the question towards the man who was  _ supposed  _ to be wearing the red scabbard of the  _ Dragon Dao _ belonging to the presumed Crown Prince, but wasn’t. Instead, the father of that scabbard’s last owner responded to me. “Just as spring brings new life, so too, does it bring new challenges.”  _ I...what?  _ I pinched the bridge of my nose in a mimic of what the Fire Lord would probably do when hearing this kind of  _ soft, nice, flowery, dialogue _ . “Yes… great… what’s that in non-platitudes?” General Song tried to side-step General Iroh politely, but failed as the two of them have stomachs of chi and Iroh was standing in the middle of the already thin balcony.

“Your Majesty, Ba Sing Se is...unwell,” the Fire Lord’s uncle said. “ _ Unwell? _ ” I responded, confused.  _ You imply it’s diseased.  _ “There’s a bit of a fire,” the Fire Lord’s uncle added. My good eye slowly widened.  _ “A bit? _ ” Song hit the floorboards with his foot, pulling the attention to him. Then, he cheerfully said “It’s just a rebellion, Your Majesty!”  _ Oh. Oh. No, no, that’s alright. Nope. That’s good. All good.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, there's a little bit of a rebellion.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for 10-Chapters-to-complete-a-task Folks:  
> -The chapter's title needs no explanation.  
> -Suki and Mori's conversation is a long time coming. He doesn't have to lead the charge all the time and she will point that out.  
> -If the answer seems inconclusive, that's because it is. Such a quandary, 'to lead from the front and inspire' versus 'to lead from the rear' is not something that can be easily answered. We will explore some of Mori as a rear commander soon enough.  
> -The answer given is complicated: Realistically, leading from the front is deadly. Mori has proven this, getting injured all the time as a result of it. However, the current state of the Imperial Army (inspired by the late Qing era) is so low in morale that he doesn't really have any other options. The soldiers are tangentially loyal to the Badgermole Throne, but in-universe history of thousands of men getting thrown to their deaths while generals sip tea somewhere is proof as to why so many fall to banditry.  
> -In addition, Mori is the Emperor. Folk heroes are always leading from (or near) the front. Mori has to embody that if he wants to bring victory on the battlefield.  
> -Normally in fiction, the characters go to some alien world/foreign culture/etc and learn about how amazing they are.   
> -Not here. Mori's unsaid thoughts are as follows: The Fire Nation and Earth Empire are the most civilized. The Fire Nation is first, with a centralized government, egalitarianism, public education, a powerful industrialized economy and a strong military to prevent bandits/piracy. The Empire is in second place, with a centralized government, officially unified, egalitarianism as an official stance (not always practiced), academic education that requires standardized civil service exams to get in, and a military that may or may not keep the peasants safe. The Colonies, if they were there own country, would rank at 1.5, being behind the FN and above the EE.   
> -By comparison, from his experiences, the Water Tribes, the Barbarian Xishan/Beishan/Xiong Lin-ers, Sandbenders, and other small ethnic groups are still stuck in rural agriculture (if they're lucky) or hunter-gatherers (if unlucky) w/ some fishing in some cases.   
> -As such, normally in fiction, he'd return to the Empire and teach everyone 'a thing or two', but here, he just returns mostly unchanged. He had experiences and he met some good Xishaners, but nothing gave him a reason to go 'the Xishan should be a hallmark for all peoples'.   
> -Mori's speech about the Sunan Riders is him finally recording everything he's learned over the past 60 chapters in one rant.  
> -This chapter poses a question. Did the Water Tribes deliberately hunt the Xishaners, or did they run out of food, or were they in it for pillaging treasures?   
> -Suki's protective nature towards Mori extends to the Empire in general  
> -Chin's backstory is partly based on Dong Zhuo's: Both grew up in the hardy northwest (Xiong Lin, Gansu). Both were excellent archers. Both fought bandits. Both fought the populist Yellow- rebels. Both gained power as warlords from said Yellow- rebellion. Both marched on to conquer much of the land.   
> -The Crown Prince that Chin befriended was Ling, father of Chong-Shan.  
> -Does Iroh know Song killed his son? 
> 
> The final time I need to use this appendix.
> 
> ++Zheng:++ ===Zheng have pronounced cheekbones and flat noses.===  
> -Kotyan, King of the Xishan  
> -Uzluk, Horn-in-training, Kotyan's sole living uncle  
> -Kopyak 'the Younger', Kotyan's younger brother. New Chief of the Zheng.  
> -Akgul, Tura, Gundes and Sirin, Kotyan's four younger sisters (sorted oldest to youngest).  
> ++Majia:++ ===Majia 's pronounced cheekbones ===  
> -Aepak, an older man, the Chief  
> ++Si Gou:++ ===Si Gou are known for their brown hair===  
> -Sugr, the Chief  
> ++Zhag'yab:++ ===Zhag'yab adopted topknots for their hair style===  
> -Vachir, wears a topknot like the rest of the Zhag'yab, the Chief  
> ++Xainza:++ ===Xainza wear seashells and sealskin===  
> -Sotan, young, wears seashells instead of furs like the rest of his people, the Chief.  
> ++Weiyi Mountains:++ ===Lives in the mountains===  
> -Girgen, a unknown-aged bald man with an axehead embedded in his head, the mute Chief of the Weiyi Mountains.


	69. Letters Wouldn’t Lie, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There Are No Entire-Ring-Spanning Uprisings in Ba Sing Se.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of the Xishan and Into the Fancun

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Five:

It was all of one  _ dian _ . That was all I had to take in the nice, warm, Southern air of land that was neither especially southern nor especially warm. That was all I had before ‘Ba Sing Se is...unwell’ truly sank in and stopped being some kind of in-joke. Song was telling me words. His mouth was making word sounds, yes. I tried my best to watch him make those word sounds. First he was telling me the city is unwell, like it’s someone’s aged grandfather. Then he was telling me that there’s a  _ bit  _ of a fire. Then he corrected himself, offering a bow -not a kowtow, he’s old enough to earn that privilege- of apology. Before I knew it, the Royal Uncle, uncle to His Royal Majesty, Fire Lord Zuko, Agni’s Chosen, titles, titles, titles, had a hand on my shoulder and another on a tray holding a teacup.

“You know who’s feeling unwell?” I asked the man offering me his cup of tea. “You, Your Majesty?” replied Iroh, Dragon of the West, Commander of the Dragon’s Host, Daimyo of Tottori Castle, and so on… I gave him a  _ very  _ slow nod while my arms chose  _ then  _ to stop acting correctly and I kind of Imperially leaned against the wall. Not enough to warrant my cousin’s worry turned annoyance at ‘why do you risk yourself getting hurt’, but more than enough to make the once-heir to Bayan and now Imperial Commander of the Army of the West grab me. 

Normally, grabbing the Emperor is quite illegal unless you so happen to be above the laws. Considering I was standing on the edge of civilization, the green paint’s to our south, the brown paint’s to our north, it  _ might  _ be passable to grab the Emperor. I  _ do  _ know that Kubasar, He Who is Wordy, one of Kotyan’s fifteen who served his father and grandfather, looked up at me and shouted “You want me to chop head?”, picking up and pointing his axe at the Imperial Commander of the Army of the West. I shivered and told him “No, no, Generals are my friends” and he put his axe down and snapped a bone in two to get at the marrow. 

“Your Majesty...may I suggest a cup of tea? It’s good at calming the nerves under such duress.” “ _ General  _ Iroh, I…” I looked up at the sky and embraced the sunlight,  _ oh how I missed you _ , then looked back at him. “...I don’t  _ want  _ a cup of tea, but I know I probably should accept one.” A good way to prove I was numb? I was accepting things I’d normally refuse. Iroh went back inside Ling-Li’s office and returned with a cup of tea that he was heating up with his palms. He offered it to me, mentioned something about a special calming blend that bringers of bad news carry around to hand out to soon-to-be victims of bad news, and I drank it. He was right. It was calming.

Suddenly I was on an ostrich horse. I didn’t even have time to tell Ling-Li, one, what I had found up north, or two,  _ why  _ fifteen smelly Xishaners dressed in the furs they killed, one man wearing a cat-deer’s head and two young unmarried women -like he’d know they had two married sisters- were following me in some kind of bizarre entourage. But since I’m the Emperor and I didn’t order him to Imperially prosecute these people, he could only kowtow. As could his army of ‘well-trained’ Sentinels. I… you know, normally, I’d take a breather and go ‘excuse me, I’d like to see them train’, but me, or maybe Sukes, or maybe Song, well  _ someone  _ with the Imperial authority to Imperially order me to Imperially board the Emperor’s personal carriage -the monorail kind- did what they had to do and before I could inquire how or why I was being shepherded off down a roadway, past a recently built large statue created from local stone and dedicated to the Sentinels by the Commandery of Lan Shan, and… eventually, onto a comfy bed.

There was a pile of letters on my desk. A  _ pile _ . Some of them were in Song’s hands. He was offering Suki them since “His Imperial Majesty is feeling unwell” to which I loudly proclaimed “I am feeling  _ quite  _ well!” but Suki sighed and explained “You might not be ready for this, but orders are orders” and handed me one of the letters. I sat up as best as I could,  _ she’s right, I am kind of tired, _ and stated “I’d like your letters, too, Song”. Iroh was out there, brewing tea. I know this because the Imperial Guards who had come along with me but not  _ along  _ with me and the Dai Li, who at this point had grown tired of sliding past every single rock within this commandery were both, in their own ways, complimenting the old General for his superb tea making skills. And I could smell the leaves he had used. I’d wonder where or why he was bringing along tea leaves, but I’ve learned that you don’t question an old man with the power to generate lightning such questions. Ironic that they were the same people that once warred with him. I’m sure they bear lots of inner hatred for the man, but he acts the part of a wise loveable old man. Only Iroh could speak to his former enemies with such polite words and “Be honest, is my tea good?” and then get annoyed at said men for “I know you’re lying, tell me who makes better tea and let me go learn from him” and only Iroh could say  _ that  _ and not imply ‘and go kill them while we’re at it’ because… he’s… Iroh. Ruthless commander of the Fire Nation’s vanguard, winner of a thousand battles and only ever lost one, and now… old man who makes tea. Song’s not Iroh. 

Song groaned and quietly debriefed the situation with a “I regret going on this tiger-lion hunt.” Curious, I called out to Song. “You went on a tiger-lion hunt?” He realized I was talking to him and nodded. “Yes, Your Majesty. The Dragon of the West’s an avid hunter.” “Even now? Even as an ally of the Avatar?”  _ That’s pretty ironic if so _ . “Why wouldn’t he be?” and Song took a pause to drink some tea. “There’s a universal principle of all military commanders. They hunt to train their martial prowess.” “How many animals has General Iroh slain?” “He claims twenty four, of which dragon-moose make up the majority of fourteen” “A liar.” “Nobody questions it. His spear skills are almost as good as his firebending.” The more I thought about the situation, the more I found it humorous. “I just…” I stopped myself from uncontrollably laughing, “...I think it’s funny that the Avatar, the  _ Avatar _ ’s ally’s uncle, would go against the Avatar’s own principles.” “”The Avatar’s peers do not represent him, Your Majesty. The family he’s probably marrying into  _ are  _ Water Tribesmen, afterall.”  _ That they are. And I just got off a campaign of fighting Water Tribe hunters. During winter and the polar night.  _ Song thought to add something else. “Well, Your Majesty, aren’t we allies of the Avatar? We don’t follow his idealism, either.” and he curiously swirled the tea around with a small stick. 

“Need I remind you of what it says above the Badgermole Throne?” and I mustered the strength to sound like an old man, “‘The Badgermole Throne kowtows to none. The Avatar is but our acquaintance, not our equal.” “Your Majesty, it doesn’t say that. It just says ‘Ten Thousand Years’.” One long sigh later, “You know what I mean, General.” “I do, Your Majesty” and he put the teacup down to bow to me. “Who sits upon the Badgermole Throne is superior to all, for they are the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits.” Once he was done professing that saying, he went back to a more relaxed tone. “Still, didn’t the Four Nations Alliance Against the Tyrant nullify that terminology?” I sighed. “General Song, has anyone in the Earth  _ Empire  _ ratified that charter? We agreed to  _ cooperate _ with the other powers in the name of defeating the tyrannical Fire Nation, but they are not the Badgermole Throne’s allies. Go check the Archives. All documents about the matter refer to the other powers as  _ acquaintances _ .” I would know, I signed off on most of those papers in the seal of the blind Empress. As if I needed to prove my point further, “Recall that the Empress explicitly ordered the Imperial Navy to turn around at the Gates of Azulon.”  _ Let’s forget that that was because she was bored and wanted to go home.  _ Song didn’t question it. 

I had one more point to clarify. “Besides, General, the Badgermole Throne’s policy is that the  _ best  _ Avatars, those who act in the interest of centralization and stability, are treated as high-ranked nobility in the Imperial Court. Not allies. Not peers. Acquaintances” This caused the General to start snickering. “And the Air Avatar is far from centralized.” “The only reason he even has a house in the city is because it’s much, much easier to gain intelligence that way.” “Does Your Majesty think he’ll ever pick up on that?” “The Avatar’s a gullible moron, so… no. It might be funny if he does, but… no.” Then I head-gestured at the letter. 

“Now, about this rebellion in the capital…” and he put down his teacup. “Right, of course, Your Majesty” and grabbed the top letter from the pile and handed it to me. “This is the chronological order of events, as dictated through the records of various lower level officials.” I asked a rhetorical question. “Did you already break the seals?”, knowing full well that they weren’t broken since they were still bound up. “I wouldn’t dare, Your Majesty.”  _ And that’s why you’re the Imperial Commander of the Imperial Army of the West.  _ “What would you have done had I not returned from the campaign?” then I thought about what I said and redacted that statement. “Actually, I couldn’t care less. I’m here now.” I took the letter, broke the seal, unfurled it, and began reading. 

The first, or one of the first, letters was written by some garrison officer in Lizhixie, a district in the western Lower Ring. It spent three pages discussing local economics, an influx of factory workers as a result of new factories being built, a page discussing this man’s personal recommendations for people to replace him while he goes and gets promoted, and the last couple sentences devoted to ‘ _ there’s a bit of unrest from a dozen extremists going around preaching _ ’. It cites a fallen meteor as some kind of prophetic omen. You know. A bit. It concluded with  _ ‘the local garrison can handle it _ ’ because  _ why wouldn’t this man say that?  _ They always make those claims. I don’t know who this officer is or why he’s reporting economics, but...whatever. So there’s some people preaching. What are they preaching? Do we know? This officer couldn’t be bothered to tell.

One of the following letters reported … a page about economics and new immigrants, a page about some band’s,  _ The Cabbages, _ successes in selling out a local theater… and oh yeah, some unrest. Local gang warfare attacking someone’s home for the man of the house being a Colonial. Quite minor, right? Apparently a Dai Li patrol got off their ceilings and went and fixed the problem. The next letter was from District Captain Yong-Lun of, well if the perfect calligraphy and title introduction stretching half the page wasn’t proper enough, and five different stamps weren’t proper enough… he’s from the Dai Li. He reported that, and I quote, ‘ _ the Dai Li assigned to Lizhixie are handling the local unrest with restrained efficiency. We have the people’s best interests at heart and are working with local enforcement to reduce collateral damage. _ ’ That’s… that’s great.  _ Mhm _ . Why was this written like a military report?… well it’s the Dai Li.  _ ‘People’s best interests at heart’.  _ Alright. The Dai Li really had the  _ hearts _ of the Green Headbands. 

Thus began a period of letters, addressed to everyone from the local District officers all the way up to the Imperial Court, where the garrison officer whose name I forgot and Captain Yong-Lun  _ ‘remark’  _ on the growing unrest in this one district. And by remark I mean the officer called Yong-Lun a ‘ _ lazy sloth-cat _ ’ for not dispatching agents to handle the unrest and Yong-Lun called this officer ‘ill-mannered’ for daring to go against the formalities and bureaucracy. All the while, these unrest-making people were preaching about… some movement… that evolved into gang warfare against the local gangs. Because there’s always local gangs and you know it’s serious when government letters are mentioning the presence of the obvious instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. Speaking of pretending, both the Home Army officer and the Captain denied any unrest. The Army officer would remark one letter that  _ he  _ was  _ ‘within two days’  _ of rooting out the ‘ _ daofei _ ’ and the Captain would remark that he was  _ ‘one day’  _ away from rooting out the  _ ‘traitorous factions’ _ . This went on and one for fourteen letters. Each time, all I understood of the situation was that there was  _ ‘gang warfare’  _ led by  _ daofei _ who were also traitorous  _ ‘factions’ _ ,  _ and...what in Kyoshi is a ‘faction’ _ , and that this situation was almost over. Right. 

Between those two bickering, a name and a rank were brought into the mix. Lieutenant Lee-Deming of Fang Yu remarked that ‘ _ local unrest _ ’, and by local he means  _ district-wide _ , was disrupting traffic. Disrupting traffic.  _ Disrupting _ . A very… humble statement. One letter came through all this, written by an anonymous source, that claimed that ‘ _ Fang Yu burns as bright as day at night _ ’. But this unknown author’s handwriting style appeared only once, which I take to mean that he was executed for saying something controversial. Wouldn’t you know, the next letter discussed ‘ _ removing posters promoting controversial ideas _ ’. What were they? What did they call for? Who knows. It doesn’t say. Anyways, the officer and Yong-Lun trade more blows about this not-a-crisis. 

One of my favorite letters, taken with a cup of Iroh’s just-brewed calming tea, had a line amidst the essay-like composition, reading ‘ _ Disregard Yong-Lun’s writing, there is a uprising within the district _ ’, followed by a reply letter that said something like ‘There was never a uprising, that’s some local unrest and the town criers are overstimulating the populace’ which was then followed with a ‘solution’ to this ‘problem’: ‘Execute the town criers for promoting lies.’ 

The next letter remarked on ‘the successful eradication of the uprising’ as a direct result of ‘ _ the arrest of all traitorous town criers _ ’. Yong-Lun ‘learned’ that the ‘ _ town criers were the rebels all along’ _ . As such, the next ten letters talk about how  _ great  _ everything is going. The factories are ‘requested’ to reopen, the theater’s playing a variety of neighborhood bands and theater acting groups, but the city-wide players were banned from performing due to some kind of new week devoted to increasing neighborhood unity and centralization and...I don’t remember. 

I had my second cup of tea and was requested to disrobe to allow a local He Di Xikou herbalist and a herbalist brought along from the Imperial Infirmary as part of this expedition to examine me fully. I took off my pants, as one does, only for the Imperial herbalist to request that I  _ fully  _ disrobe - in her words, “It would be beneficial for Your Majesty to remove all clothing to allow a more accurate examination of the wounds” - because who would’ve thought, the torso arrow wound is in my torso. I shrugged, asked “Can I distract myself with these letters while you check my definetely not infected arrow wounds?” and the herbalist replied, “Whatever makes Your Majesty more comfortable.”  _ Well that’s a total lie.  _

You know what  _ doesn’t  _ make me comfortable? Lying on a bed like some kind of corpse while two well-trained herbalists go ‘hmm’ and try to figure out, one, if said wounds are infected, and two, the best course for treatment. One had her bonesaw ready because… I have no idea, thank Suki telling her “Don’t think of grabbing that bonesaw”. The other had a bowl, or ten bowls, I lost count,  _ just like I lost count of the letters _ , of various ointments and balms. Instead of having the local herbalist executed for thinking “An amputation would prevent the wound festering”, I pardoned her and stated “I’ll hear you out as long as it doesn’t involve removing limbs.” She kowtowed out of gratitude and produced a tray of metal instruments designed for “stitching together damaged limbs”. I was too busy thinking about getting to the conclusion of this epic-sized chain of letters to care about who forgot to properly cast-ise my leg. So when the herbalist asked “Would Your Majesty like me too” after tapping my skin with some kind of piece of metal, I was all “Sure, go ahead”. 

At least they let me wear my undergarments. Again distracted by all these letters, at this point in the insanity they were talking about whose fault it was for having an uprising to begin with, I didn’t notice the piece of parchment written on and passed from herbalist to Kotyan to Suki and finally to myself. I gave it a wary eye, something about sticking a knife into something…  _ sure, whatever _ … and took a stamp and  _ smashed  _ that paper with my stamp before handing it back to Suki. She then passed it to the herbalists and while I was reading Yong-Lun’s remarks on the officer’s incompetence and recommendation for execution, someone handed me a bowl. I sniffed it, put the letter down, and asked “why does this smell so funny?” to which the herbalists said “it’s a calming mix of roots, ginseng, moonflower, rhododendron, and herbal extracts mixed together and distilled in wine, Your Majesty. Would Your Majesty like to re-read the diagnosis?” and the soft-spoken middle-aged woman handed me a parchment with  _ my  _ stamp on it. I got bored of reading about the intrinsics of ‘Locally known solutions to help dull the senses for a stitching operation’ and handed it back to her. “Sure. Sounds great” and I nodded repeatedly. Suki raised her hand in semi-objection, “I don’t think you read it, if you did you’d know you’re supposed to ingest the substance.” I wasn’t going to prove her wrong, so I took the bowl and downed it. It tasted putrid and also… calming. Really calming.

I’m going to get tired of waking up with stitches in places they don’t need to be,  _ like my body _ , aren’t I? I suppose not. I also wasn’t about to get tired of Suki’s quite wonderfully encompassing hugs of “You’re not dead yet!” which, without context, sound concerning. With context, they also sound concerning. The thought counted and I enjoyed it all the while. Then the two herbalists pointed at the stitches and began a rehearsed speech on “The stitching will prevent future bleeding but the stitches will need to be replaced...” and so on and so on. All that mattered was, as Suki said, “Your leg’s fixed...temporarily.”  _ Why is it light outside?... _ No, really, it was light out. The beams of sunlight were hitting me  _ right  _ in my good eye. The Sun itself was a small orange circle just above the horizon of rolling farmland and...whatever  _ it’s not like it matters _ . What does matter is that the herbalists both kowtowed to me and thanked “Your Majesty for being the best patient ever for this procedure”. I’m glad to be the best at  _ something _ for once. 

I then pointed at my foot and it being inside a cast and the Imperial herbalist, without any pause to figure out what I was pointing at, stated “Your Majesty’s foot needed to be bound up and placed in a cast since part of the lower leg and foot were shattered.” I looked at Suki, who had learned how to pull out of hugs, and requested “In your words, what’s she talking about?” Suki helped me out with “That ostrich horse broke your foot. And lower shin. And as such, the choices were either amputation or a splint.”  _ What? Why amputation? How do you even… wait nevermind. That’s what the bonesaw was for. Got it.  _ By the time I was done inner-thinking, she had her hands on her hips and was quite smug in tone, stating “I had to remind these two that we have  _ healers  _ in Ba Sing Se.”  _ Note to self, the one benefit of Water Tribespeople. Healers _ . “I also had to remind them that you’re not the biggest supporter of losing more body parts.” I nodded convincingly. “That, I am not.”  _ One eye’s enough.  _ I got the sense there was some inflated dramatism to all this, since nobody’s seriously stupid enough to cut off a foot  _ just  _ because a ostrich horse fell on it and shattered most of it, right? I thanked both herbalists, “Thank you both for doing your jobs competently” and requested some privacy, “Now, please let me be.” Since Suki’s around, privacy means Suki sits on the end of my bed -no really, this was  _ mine _ , it belonged to  _ me _ \- and listens to my mumbling responses to far more interesting drama: The rebellion that wasn’t happening.  _ Oh wait, it wasn’t a rebellion yet _ .

A new set of letters. The garrison officer was  _ ‘discovered’  _ to be incompetent and inefficent and was arrested and executed for not  _ ‘handling’  _ the  _ ‘gang warfare’  _ that  _ ‘plagued’  _ Lizhixie. He was replaced with a name of someone he had recommended to fill his position, someone named Ping-Lee. Ping had a day or two of  _ ‘impeccable’ _ , quote,  _ ‘extermination’ _ , of  _ ‘rebellious factions’  _ within this one district’s confines. Then, on the third day, Yong  _ ‘discovered’  _ that Ping had gotten totally hammered the night before and had him executed for inappropriate behavior at the job. 

Now, I don’t know who this Dai Li agent is, but garrison officers are well-within their rights,  _ ha, ‘rights’,  _ to go get drunk when and wherever they please. That’s one of the perks of the Home Army. The Imperial Army allows it, too, but there’s less taverns in the volcanic isles of the Fire Nation. Less open, currently operations ones, that is. Nonetheless, Ping was out and someone new was in. I don’t know who, because the next letter from Yong stated that this man was actually a member of one of the ‘rebellious factions’ but it was only discovered after he had the appointment granted to him since...I guess learning things takes time?

Meanwhile, in less-drunk parts of Ba Sing Se, Lee-Deming reported said ‘ _ local unrest _ ’ to be targeted at primarily Colonial and Fire Nation-owned businesses. Again, so what? We’re not exactly friends with the Fire Nation. Not enemies, either.  _ Doesn’t this news belong on the desk of someone less important?,  _ I wondered. While wondering why anti-Fire Nation sentiment was completely tolerable for all I cared, General Iroh offered me “A cup of tea to help numb the pain from the stitching, Your Majesty.” Turns out, they’d also stitched up my arm and torso, since Suki could only do so much inside a tent in the middle of the wilderness. Stitches are better than bandages. I took the cup and downed it.  _ You’re right, General, this is calming _ . He bowed royalty-to-royalty, being a nice formal man that he is, and departed to go back to the partying Imperial Guards out there who were singing ballads about girls and gold while he served them all refreshments. Back to this not-a-rebellion because there never was a rebellion...

An anonymous source, one of these one-offs directed at General  _ Song  _ of all people, begged for ‘ _ real military aid _ ’ to be brought to ‘ _ a district that is ablaze with strife and fire _ ’. The letter included an edit, ‘ _ and also populistic unrest. _ ’ Then another letter, supposedly from this same source, remarked that ‘ _ I was inebriated when I wrote the previous letter _ ’ except this new writer was quite good with his hand whereas the former one was… not. I yelled “Song! Someone get that old war hero in here!” to the door. Suki got off my bed and went to go summon him. 

The General had  _ two  _ cups in his hands and was quite happy to see me. “Your Majesty! Care for a drink? I’ve got two cups of rice wine!” and he handed Suki both cups.  _ No. I don’t want your terrible temperate stuff.  _ “What’s the deal with this letter?” and I handed said letter to the man. Over the course of ten  _ miao  _ he went from casual bemusement to confusion to shock to  _ knowing  _ and had a very different voice at the end of it all. “I...Your Majesty, this was the letter that got me to go wait for Your Majesty.” “Why not bring the military back to Ba Sing Se?” “Most of the Army of the West is busy quelling Royal Army remnants in the Makapuan Mountains, Your Majesty.” This then made me side-track, like this monorail changing tracks to get on the track heading to Ba Sing Se, to something different.

“Remnants in the Makapu Mountains? How? Why?” He rubbed his stomach. He could really use laying off  _ some  _ of the good stuff. Then again, he could also down a hot air balloon with a single arrow, so maybe it is I who should find more food to ingest.  _ Too bad I was in the frigid far north where there’s nothing to eat except jerky and more jerky and some berries and jerky and even more jerky and more jerky and some berries again.  _ “Despite the success of the Yu Dao Campaign a year and three seasons ago, the ensuing Colonial Civil War didn’t stop in some of the more rural lands. Namely the Makapuan Mountains, and hundreds of little hamlets. As such, certain commanders who didn’t want to stop fighting, probably for honor’s sake, took up residence and took to launching raids.” He pulled on his waist-sash to tighten it. “The Makapuans are a bit...weird… with their religious beliefs. Agni and sacrifices and all that.”  _ And all that. _ I was about to say ‘what?’ but he went on. 

“And it’s up to the veterans of the Army of the West to handle them before they start causing-” he gestured to the pile of as-of-yet-unread letters, “letter-worthy problems.” He then laughed quite loudly at his own remark. For formality's sake, I had to thank him. “Thank you, General;” but before I dismissed him, a thought,  _ I know, how scary,  _ hit me. “Why not just muster an army to the south of Ba Sing Se and march in and kill whatever caused these ‘letter-worthy problems’ I have yet to read about?” “Your Majesty, I was named Imperial Commander of the Army of the West. It’s not within my jurisdiction to muster non-West forces unless an Imperial Edict comes-” I cut him off, not because I didn’t want to hear what he said, but because I had more pressing -like Suki, pressing into my shoulders because ‘who doesn’t enjoy a good shoulder massage once in a while?’- matters to get to. “Then whose jurisdiction  _ is  _ it to muster such a force?”  _ How? It’s How’s job, isn’t it?  _

“Lieutenant General Jian of the Line of Yuan, Protector of the Boshan Plains.”  _ Jian? Yuan? Jian? Line of Yuan? No. No. No. No. Come on. No.  _ “What do you think of Jian, Song?” “A bit of an ambitious self-centered officer. Not that good of a commander, throws quite extravagant feasts in honor of himself, he’s like a noble’s populist. I would recommend going to one of his feasts. Has heroically legendary wine.”  _ I… that’s very helpful.  _ I’m reminded of the  _ other  _ Yuan in this. “And what do you think of his half-brother? Tian?” Song sat down and took a deep breath. “Tian? He’s like his brother but sometimes shows up to battles. There’s a saying about the two. Did Your Majesty know that?”  _ I… what?  _ “Saying? A saying?” I felt like a curious child. “No, no, tell me.” I  _ sounded  _ like a curious child asking that. 

“They say Tian is distantly courageous and that Jian is courageously distant.”  _ Right. That’s… really stupid… and really confusing. Right. _ “Pardon me, General, but what does that mean?” The General laughed. “Your Majesty, one will rally his troops on the battlefield and avoid fighting, the other will avoid the battlefield entirely and rally his troops in a party.”  _ Oh Kyoshi help me.  _ “So...which one would you prefer?” The man, the Aged General, glared at me. “Tian’s more reasonable, Your Majesty. That’s what I’ve found in service. He’s reliable, if late. He’s always conveniently on time to get credit. Jian’s conveniently on time for the feasts.”  _ Reliable? More reasonable? What does that… oh no _ . I felt my voice die in my throat. “Is Jian efficient at… anything?” “I would hope so, Your Majesty. I would hope so.”  _ Oh no. _

Back to the letters. I went back to the letters. I didn’t want to think about dealing with this Jian fellow…  _ for now _ . So Yong-Lun finally admitted to  _ ‘a possible rebellion being in the works’ _ and as such,  _ ‘more Dai Li forces being sent in to intervene and ensure it is removed by the next week. _ ’ He had yet to name who this force was formed of, or what their ideology was, but in admitting there was a problem, he paved his own downfall. As Ping’s successor’s successor, a man named Lee-Wang, pointed out in a letter, ‘ _ Yong-Lun lied, fantasizing about a rebellion existing. In doing so, he has proven his unreliability and should be investigated for working with traitorous factions within this otherwise peaceful district _ ’. So… did the Dai Li react accordingly?  _ Guess _ .

The very next letter was given a  _ new  _ Dai Li stamp, Captain He-Ling, who ‘ _ regrets to inform all of Lizhixie of the tragic death of Yong-Lun during a hunting accident in the Agrarian Zone _ ’. The letter misidentifies the thirty-one year old as being sixty-one, which, sure, that’s not  _ that  _ hard to correct, but also stated that the former went hunting despite hunting being an uncommon tradition among the Dai Li. But, sure, maybe the man aged thirty years in one day and maybe he picked up hunting despite being busy. The Dongfang-sized Agrarian Zone is still quite plentiful, in some parts, with wild animals. It’s possible.  _ Sure _ . Who knows.

He-Ling was _‘encouraged to go into retirement’_ in the next letter from the Dai Li, this time stamped by Kenji, _that’s not a very Earth Empire name there, but go on_. Why? He was _‘corrupt’_. The following letter reports on ‘ _pursuing corruption_ ’ within the _‘perfect district_ ’ of Lizhixie. Lee-Wang was somehow still alive for the next three letters, writing about how conditions had returned to pre-rebellion -note, he used the word _‘rebellion’_ - levels. Then he vanished and despite my searching through the remaining thirty-odd letters, I could find no more ‘Garrison Officer of Lizhixie District’ reports. At all. You’d think the epicenter of this not a rebellion would be filled with the most important information. _I guess not_.

The last thirty letters were the best thirty letters. They got better and better,  _ that’s sarcasm.  _ It turned into a black comedy. We have the usual letters from the Dai Li, telling us that they’re ‘ _ So close, had it not been for the rude intervention by _ ’ pick a name and rank between the Home Army, the local government, peasants working with  _ ‘the enemy’  _ since that’s the new name. Anyways, had it not been for ‘those’ people, the Dai Li would  _ ‘have ended the unrest by now’ _ . We have Lee-Deming’s letters informing us that there was never unrest and it was just some people overhyping a couple acts of violence. We have other neighboring districts writing about their  _ ‘traffic’  _ being interrupted. Neighborhoods like Jinshu and Wu reported  _ ‘traffic problems’ _ . Traffic problems. Traffic. One of these letters even had the marks of a bloody hand on it, which...well the only question I have for  _ that  _ formerly-a-officer man is  _ ‘did you really use your last moments to write a letter and not pray or do something smart?’ _ but since I was busy uniting the Xishan Tribes, I guess the same argument could be altered for I. His seal ceased being involved with this crisis.

Then we get to Bai. This man named Bai is the Prefect of Fancun, a large region of the Agrarian Zone. Fancun forms most of the western-central Agrarian Zone, with Zhanglicun to its north and the far too infamous Yunlicun to its south. Fancun is mostly farmland with a few rivers to divide up the major ‘parts’ of the region. It only has a couple towns, Fancun the largest, followed by Quyang, Laiyuan, Doshi, Dingzhou, and some I forgot, with the rest of the land being villages. Villages very closely packed together, but villages nonetheless. Fancun is the second largest in size, third if we include Laogai Commandery, behind it’s sister commandery of Yunlicun. 

Now, unlike the Lower Ring, Bai had  _ some  _ idea of what was going on in the commandery despite Lizhixie being one-sixth of a district in size and Fancun being approximately thirty six Lizhixie’s in size. In his letter addressed to the Colonel of the Fang Yu-Fancun Crossing, the second largest crossing between the Lower Ring and the Agrarian Zone and one of the largest in the entire Empire, he writes that  _ ‘If you can’t get a control of these daofei sneaking their way into my land, I’ll have your head! _ ’. I already knew I’d like this guy.

Bai was never responded to. Instead, the Colonel of the Crossing outright denies any crossing of  _ daofei  _ or, as he puts it,  _ ‘there aren’t any rebellious groups crossing into Fancun. The only ones there are the ones your incompetent lazy drunken self has let arise _ !’ The Colonel wrote that ‘ _ Within my section of the Lower Ring, all rebels have been eliminated by night raids by the Dai Li on their various tavern headquarters. _ ’ One day and one cup of tea later, Bai wrote that ‘ _ My town of Doshi was put to the flame overnight, ten factories with it, and the tanks they produced are gone. Your name, rank and head will be delivered to the nearest Imperial Army barracks. I expect results or I’ll get them myself _ .’ Of course, Bai being proactive is a no-no, and the Colonel’s reply of  _ ‘Why should such a rude man be taken seriously? Do you not have enough rebels in your slum of a commandery? _ ’ showcases the lack of awareness by one side towards the other. Bai and the Colonel exchange a contest of reality and denial until the tenth Colonel’s letter which admits to  _ ‘a possible rebellion that resurged in popularity thanks in no part to the idiocy of the Avatar and his thugs disguised as charitable successors of the Air Nomads _ ’. 

_ So the Air Acolytes caused this rebellion _ .  _ Some daofei did something under the guise of being a holy Air Acolyte, the local townsfolk didn’t take kindly to it, and they chased the daofei down. The Acolytes probably refused to let the criminals go to the mob of angry townspeople, and… well… conflict ensued. The comet that fell weeks ago was their signal from the Spirit World that it’s time to kill all the Air Acolytes or something. And the Acolytes, being half hypocrites and half criminals, probably did an excellent job of handling the situation by fighting back. Daofei killed townspeople, townspeople grabbed their dao blades and hacked down the doors of these chapters, and the Acolytes paid for it. I’ll have the Avatar’s head.  _ But, enough about me. What did Bai do? 

‘ _ Why wasn’t this matter sent to the Imperial Palace? The moment I had rebel activity in my commandery, a week ago, I notified the Council of Five, the Grand Secretariat, the Imperial Court, and of course, Her Imperial Majesty, through letters written to each. _ ’ The Colonel responded with ‘ _ How dare you send letters directly to Her Imperial Majesty _ ’ followed by a bunch of threats of  _ ‘removing’  _ the ‘ _ traitor who should learn some respect’ _ . With this contest of insults going on, Bai increased his updates of current events while the Colonel  _ used  _ those updates to blame the entire rebellion -which at this point was considered  _ ‘district-wide unrest _ ’- on Bai. Unless these documents are lying, Bai had nothing to do with this until  _ much  _ later in the story. Things changed with the last couple of these letters.

The end began with Lee-Deming breaking formality and reporting that ‘ _ at least a dozen neighborhoods _ ’ had their town halls put under siege.  _ Siege _ . Under  _ siege _ . Officials were being dragged out of their homes and strung up, the characters for  _ 'Collaborator _ !’ etched into their skin with blades. The Colonel of the Crossing’s response was -without permission from the Badgermole Throne- to  _ close  _ the Crossing. Within a few days, it seemed like the rebels were completely eliminated  _ in the Lower Ring district of Fang Yu _ . Or, that’s what the Colonel’s reports stated. Was he telling the truth? I have no idea. But remember, the Crossing goes both ways.  _ Both ways _ . Inside the Walls is safe. Outside… 

_ To Imperial Commander, General of the Imperial Army of the West, Song. _

_ In closing the Fang Yu-Fancun Crossing, approximately ten thousand daofei, rebels, whatever they are they’re criminals, were trapped in the Agrarian Zone side of the Wall. We’re stuck in with them. In raiding our factories, they stole the tanks and aircraft straight from the production line. The last reports said they were putting the farmland of those they deemed as traitors to the torch. I am trapped in the town of Fancun, which currently sits under siege by a half-battalion of our own tanks. No support from the Imperial Army has arrived. No support from the Dai Li has arrived. Is this not in the same city as Fang Yu or Nanshi? Were there even rebels in Nanshi? I don’t know, because my last postmaster had an arrow stuck through his throat and bled out before we could pull him off the street. Is the Imperial Army going to relieve us? I don’t know, because the last Garrison Officer took a tank shell directly to the chest, blowing him into two pieces. If I die where I stand, know that my blood and the blood of the innocents falls on all of you for failing to respond. And if I die, know that the rebels will take control of the Fancun Armory.  _

_ I don’t know what their motives are. I’m not busy sitting in a comfy chair somewhere discussing their motives. I’m trapped in a half-demolished barracks since the commandery’s capital town hall was bombed by aircraft. Most of my men are starving or have starved. We tried tunneling out, but they found the tunnel and routed us. This messenger hawk’s the last one I have. The last three were struck down by crossbow bolts. May you receive it in fortune. _

_ Prefect Bai of the Yu Choo. Ten Thousand Years to the Earth Empire! _

I rolled up this scroll and tossed it into a wall. “Song!” I shouted. The Imperial Commander walked back into my room and bowed. “Suki, grab that scroll.” Suki was already off my bed, I guess an enraged Emperor is enough to do that to people, and leaned over to grab the letter. I pointed for her to give the letter to him. “Why is this here?  _ What is going on? _ ” I shouted. I wasn’t angry at Song. I didn’t know if I had the capacity to be even  _ annoyed  _ at the man. But I sounded more than annoyed, I know that much. He opened the scroll, skimmed it with his eyes, closed it, and placed it on the table. “Your Majesty, a uprising of peasants is what went on and, as of just before Your Majesty returned from the lands of Beishan, still going on.”  _ What?  _

“This...this ‘uprising’ has been active for…” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “..how long?” “I wasn’t in Ba Sing Se, Your Majesty. The letters would imply half a season at least, assuming the first letters were written-” again, my  _ annoyance  _ at… not him… worked its way through. Instead of my formal voice, I sounded much less...sane. I cut him off. “You’re telling me this has been going on for forty days? Fifty? Fifty! Fifty. Days!” “I...was not in Ba Sing Se, Your Majesty.” and he genuinely fell into a kowtow out of fright. Even Suki backed up when she saw me and my sitting-up self yelling so loudly that spit was coming out of my mouth. 

“Whoever was, where were they? Drunk? Am I going to have to cut some heads when I return? Tell me, am I?” but before I could continue my tangent, Suki went and put a hand on my shoulder. “Stop. Whatever happened is done. Whoever failed at their job will pay for this, but we’ve got more important matters.” She had read the letters I had finished reading, save for the last one, and was almost up-to-speed on the whole affair. “Important?” I questioned, rhetorically. “Yes. Like you being wounded.” “That’s the Empress’s city! That’s  _ our  _ home! We have a duty to the Empress!” She didn’t seem to budge at my rhetorical statements. Instead, she pointed at me and my cheek. “Your home is Kyoshi Island. Ba Sing Se is where you  _ reside _ .”  _ Are you really getting caught in semantics?  _ “No! It’s  _ our  _ home! I’m the Emperor who lives in Ba Sing Se!  _ Our,  _ like the Empress and I! I have a duty to bring peace to my Empress’s home!” but again, Suki didn’t seem to care. “It doesn’t matter! We’ll regroup our forces when-” but she stopped talking. She must’ve realized something because she just… stopped… right there.  _ Well? What is it?  _

“General Song…?” she asked the man who had risen from a kowtow and took to respectfully standing there, formally. “Yes, my lady?” he replied, fast and confident in tone. “Where are our forces?” “General How sent letters to have any and all available forces to muster in southeastern Shigusi Commandery.” Upon hearing  _ that  _ name, a new voice chose to politely ask, in the polite tone of a elderly man, “Shigusi?” I looked at Suki, both of us looked at Song, then the three of us looked at the door. “You may come in, General Iroh! What do you know of Shigusi?” 

The door was opened and the happy and hearty Dragon of the West walked in, no tea cups in hand. He offered me a royalty-to-royalty Fire Nation bow before walking up to Song. “Shigusi’s where  _ I  _ attacked Ba Sing Se, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh.  _ “But…” I wasn’t able to produce the correct words to explain the thoughts running through my head at that moment. Suki, on the other hand, was quite capable of such a task. “So General How wants us to attack Ba Sing Se in the same place you did.” Iroh for one rubbed his head much like his nephew would. “I have no idea. Destiny is a funny thing, but sometimes too much alcohol is a funny thing, too.”  _ I...is Iroh about to platitude us to death? I...what… _

I pressed myself against the headrest of this large bed so I didn’t have to keep resting on my elbows. Then, I could address the Dragon of the West. “It seems like General How learned from past mistakes.” “I believe, Your Majesty, that it was General  _ Cao  _ who made the mistake.”  _ Right, right, of course. You’d know your opponents better than anyone _ . The tale of Iroh’s assault is quite legendary. Even the Xishan had heard of him and those people had yet to know that we were run by a woman, not some old man. 

“Does the Imperial Army have the same quantity of blasting jelly, Your Majesty?” “I think we’re better than you on siegeworks.” “Ah, that may well be-” he said, far too optimistically for what  _ should  _ be a serious discussion on a  _ siege  _ of  _ my home _ , “-but all our siege engines couldn’t do much to the Wall. Blasting jelly. Lots of it. A rock wall can block a fireball but it can’t block an explosive.”  _ I… we’re actually discussing this _ . I don’t know why, maybe because we’re talking about sieging my home, maybe because there’s two old men in here who once fought on opposite sides of a siege, maybe the pain from the surgery was getting to me… 

“Can all of you leave? I’d like to get some lunch and… sleep.” The two Generals bowed at the same time in their own proper styles before exiting. Suki… didn’t. I pointed at her, “ _ You _ ” then pointed at the doorway, “ _ Leave _ ” followed by pointing at myself, “ _ Me _ ” and then my pillow, “ _ Sleep _ .” She took to using all her Kyoshi Warrior strength to roll me onto my front. Without asking.  _ Ow.  _ I had the company of my undone hair while she went “I’m going to give you something you earned for once!” before taking to massaging my back. Instead of enjoying this too much, I fell asleep. 

When I awoke again, I was lying on my back, tucked into a blanket. I…  _ wow… someone did all this for me _ . I knew who without saying it, but since I always thank those who do nice things, “Suki! Did you do this?” The door opened and I realized that it was dark out since normally during the day, lanterns don’t emit that much light. Instead, the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors walked in and said “I see you’re awake” with a thin smile. I sat up and remembered that I’m not supposed to move my leg  _ after  _ I moved the leg and yelped like an idiot. 

“I am” I winced. “I see that you’re still my cousin” she said, snickering between words. I looked out the window and into the darkness. “Where are we?” I asked the darkness. I was distracted from the darkness by Nan, hopping onto my blanket and giving my arm some licks. “Yunzhong. General Jian’s base camp.”  _ Base camp? Jian?  _ “Well! Let me get out there and go meet him, then!” I declared, forcing my leg to do that which it did not,  _ move _ . After proper karmic punishment of yelling, Suki helped me up and Nan backed off to let me get up. 

I took longer than I’d like to ever admit getting washed. I must thank Suki for helping me with the leg, since I can’t bend down. I missed showers. They’re so… nice and clean and good-smelling. After spending half a  _ dian  _ helping me stick my leg into my courtly robes, among other things, I was dressed. My hair was, for the first time in a long time, properly  _ queued _ . It felt nice to have everything organized and  _ clean _ . I had, also a first in a while, my  _ proper  _ scabbard on with my meteorite  _ jian _ sheathed in it. Last and most prominent, I wore a blue-green-with-gold-trim  _ chaofu _ with the Imperial Sigil emblazoned on the middle.  _ Ahh… I miss the fancy scents of these clothes _ .

An entire Imperial Guard contingent exited before me, forming two perfect lines.With my crutches, I hobbled out and into the fresh,  _ cool _ , air of...wherever I was. Ahead of me was... _ an entire siheyuan? What? _ ... but… when I looked to the left or the right, even  _ with  _ the darkness, it was clear that we were in the middle of some plains. Maybe a desert in the summer and plains in the winter. Lots of earth tents in the distance, some  _ pavilions  _ surrounding us, and this large… building… made of stone… lit with torches… in front of us. 

Emerging from the curtain that formed his door was a man in gold-and-green court robes.“Your Majesty!”, he sounded a little like  _ another  _ gold-and-green court robe wearing man. He and his two guardsmen kowtowed. “Welcome to my humble campaign estate! You’re just in time for the party!”  _ Just… in time for the party.  _ “Campaign estate?” I asked, feeling a bit lightheaded. “Of course, Your Majesty! It’s built from stone, so it can be built anywhere!

_ Oh… you’ve absolutely got to be kidding _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we meet the decadent, opulent Jian.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Folks that know There Are No Rebellions in Ba Sing Se:  
> -The title of this chapter is sarcastic: The letters lied. A lot.
> 
> -Iroh still controls his family's castle in Tottori, northeast of the capital (but on the same island).  
> -Song gave up his family's claim on the city of Bayan in Dongfang (the very same Bayan that has the famous Bayan Drydocks) in the name of being an Imperial Commander. You can't rule both. Mayors tend to need to be near where they work. Generals need to be everywhere.  
> -Iroh may be on the 'good guys' side, but he's still a Fire National, and royalty. A previous chapter mentioned that the Fire Nationals are avid hunters.  
> -The conversation between Song and Mori isn't meant to sound like brainwashing, this is just the rules of the Kingdom-turned-Empire. One of the many formalities of the Badgermole Throne (i.e. Kingdom/Empire) is that the Avatar cannot be seen as an equal, because that would challenge the whole concept of a centralized god(dess)-monarch. Therefore, honorifics dictate that the Avatar is an 'acquaintance', a derogatory term, as there can't be any peers to a god(dess)-monarch.  
> -This is based on 'All Under Heaven', https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tianxia .   
> -Remember that meteor from earlier? Yeah, the meteor sparks the rebellion. I did say it'd return.  
> -Mori's absence from the capital did have consequences, as seen here.
> 
> -The whole chapter was based on past and current-day China's handling of internal affairs, as the Earth Empire is inspired by China. I wanted to write this chapter since December '19.   
> -Fun fact: I had planned most of 'Wacky' while writing 'Records'. Some things were added in the aftereffect (Pu-On Tim's storytelling, half of the early chapters for the sake of letting the characters develop, the Xishan Arc), but the peasant rebellion in Ba Sing Se was inevitable. Imperial China has a thick, thick record.
> 
> -In history, oftentimes the Emperor never knew what was happening. In fact, as is well known, the Dai Li are based on the secret police of the Ming Emperors. 
> 
> -Some letters, the blame game, are based on statements given by Xi Jinping (or, more often, lower ranked officials) finding county-level officials to blame. Case in point: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-51453848 .
> 
> -In both Empire and real life, nobody wanted to take the blame, so they just downplayed it until it hopefully goes away. (It doesn't).
> 
> -The Cabbages are the Cabbage Merchant's band, used to sell merchandise and make him boatloads of cash. They're inspired by the Beatles.
> 
> -Fang Yu's also in the Lower Ring  
> -The Makapuan Mountains will return. Encyclopedic entries about what they're based on will come when relevant chapters come.  
> -The origins of these rebels will be learned in time. Remember, Mori's basing what he concludes on what he knows.   
> -Once again, we see Mori's sense of duty comes through. He'd rather go handle the crisis as soon as possible, even if it means he's being a bit reckless.  
> -Events happened while Mori was asleep. Mostly, him travelling east (since it took ~2 days to go from Ba Sing Se to Lan Shan, it'd take 2 days to go the other way).


	70. The Coalition Led By Morons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor meets his under-officers for the upcoming campaign...  
> ...at a dinner party celebrating their oncoming victory...
> 
> ...IT'S DONG MEASURING TIME!

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Six:

  
  


“A toast!” the Lieutenant General declared from his personal throne. His  _ personal throne _ . It wasn’t a stone throne, it was wood. Someone carried this throne up from wherever and over to this random spot in the desert. Yes, yes, Toph had the same thing in Caldera,  _ but she’s the Empress _ . “A toast to His Imperial Majesty?” proposed one of the sitting officers closest to him. “A toast to Her Imperial Majesty?” offered a different offer. “A toast to our victory!” one of the officers next to the entrance yelled, proud and probably a bit arrogant.

“To our victory!” the room chanted. I gave a sideways glance to one of my two Captains,  _ the earthbender one _ . He gave me the same look of ‘What?’. Lieutenant General Jian noticed my glance, a result of how close I was to him, I’d guess, and possessing as much confidence as a coward, asked “Would Your Majesty like to toast to something?”  _ Not really, no _ . But… because of how the Empire works, if I  _ don’t  _ give a toast, that’ll be a piece of gossip to be discussed by all these schoolgirls,  _ I mean officers _ . So I raised my goblet and toasted “To the Empire!” and the many men of the Imperial Army knew quite well the next three words to yell in unanimous agreement. “Ten Thousand Years!,” we cried. And then  _ they  _ drank. I took a sip of rice wine and put the goblet back down on the table. I can tolerate a lot of liquid, but it’s best to maintain one’s wits…  _ or just go throw toasts to the oncoming victory, do that _ .

I had the privilege of having a chair to sit on, not because I was the Emperor -I rejected the offer at first- but because Kotyan pulled one out of the ground for me to rest on; due to the broken foot. Most of these officers rested on cushions, since they all bring cushions along for this purpose. They perpetually sat as if they were about to kowtow. Most of these officers had their own officers to accompany them. Looking around, their uniforms varied in the amount of gold and the men varied in sizes. The ones from the richer commanderies ate well. The ones from the poorer commanderies... _ oh who am I kidding?  _ All these men could eat well if they wanted to. Their uniforms were quite clean, and most men carried straight  _ jian _ s with detailed hilts. In fact, it appeared like the only person in the room to bear a weapon with a block-like, detailless,  _ simple _ , hilt was Kotyan. His heavy furs long behind him, he now sat to one side, his Imperial Metalbending Guard armor glinting as it should. His scabbard was a simple thing, practicality over gemstones. Suki doesn’t count, her Kyoshi Warrior armor stood out for being one of the only people in this large  _ siheyuan _ ’s banquet hall to wear simple armor. Besides, the katana hilt is unique enough for being a katana’s hilt. The three of us were the strange ones in this event. This  _ event _ . It was a party. A dinner party.

The officers conversed amongst themselves for many  _ fen _ . Some discussed their wives and families, like “Brother Yuu, I couldn’t be prouder of my sons. Their training goes well and soon they’ll be ready to lead patrols!” Of course, the man talking, Senior Colonel Lun, leads a garrison.  _ Most of these people lead garrisons _ . A garrison in a  _ daofei- _ free province whose only major conflict in living memory was the two times the Fire Nation attacked. Patrols that won’t have much conflict is not the same as patrolling, I don’t know, the land east of Shirahama.  _ What’s that region called? Oh yeah, the Southlands.  _ Also of course, I have no idea if this Lun fellow is competent or not. 

Some discussed other people’s sisters. Some made jabs at marital unions while also certifying them, as Yizhi-Lee asked of Ying, “When I’m the first one through the Great Western Gate, can I have your sister?” to which Ying replied “The day you become a General is the day I’ll give you my sister” and the room laughed in informal tones. But when Wenshunu raised his cup to the commander of Jian’s center and asked “Am I high enough a rank?”, Magistrate Wang looked over at his younger brother, then across the room to Jian’s Commander of Ridders, and a thin smile took to his lips. “By all means, Brother Wen, if you wanted my sister, just ask!” Suki flashed me a certain… look of disdain. A… ‘I didn’t know women were considered property by these people’. “Do you want-” she began, only for me to cut her off from saying ‘me to kill them all’, “Let’s just...listen.” She had to accept. She might not have wanted to, but my cutting her off made her hear reason. 

While the officers spoke about their families, and desires for future ones, I was curious of who all these people were. Not  _ all  _ of them, there were multiple rows of guests after all, but the ones closest to Jian. Why? As I was told at some point previously, this large dinner was organized by rank and affiliation and age. Or some mix of the three. Or all three. I sat closest to Jian, with a fifteen foot gap between my right bodyguard and Jian’s personal throne. 

I asked before,  _ but was interrupted by the arrival of one Yijian,  _ and chose to ask again, “Why bring a throne with you on campaign?” Jian toasted I, “To Your Majesty’s comforts in my humble abode!” which earned roaring toasts in the rest of the room. So I asked “Why?” again. “I had my bodyguards build it, Your Majesty.” Then Suki, Kotyan and I, at the same time, looked  _ up  _ at the ceiling, then over towards the large doorway, then  _ back over  _ at his throne. We were all trying to comprehend the scope of this building. A building built here, for this purpose, by his household. “You...had a hundred foot banquet hall  _ built _ ?” “It took two days and one night, but by the time I arrived from Boshan it was ready, Your Majesty!” and the Lieutenant General cheered himself. 

_ I’m sorry...what?  _ “You… you  _ sent a messenger hawk _ ahead of your position to inform… what, your vanguard, to build a  _ hall  _ for you to throw a feast?” The Lieutenant General nodded. “I…” Kotyan didn’t even know  _ what  _ words to say, so he trailed off into nothing. “Lieutenant General?” I  _ nicely  _ asked. “Brother Jian, Your Majesty!” he optimistically cackled.  _ Brother? What? I’m your Emperor, I'm not your ‘brother’.  _ “I...forgive my companions…” and I waved them down, “...we could’ve used your earthbenders elsewhere...recently” and I’m quite sure the three of us thought of the same events transpiring from different perspectives. 

“Where, Your Majesty? I would’ve gladly assisted had I been notified.”  _ Must you sound so… obnoxious?  _ “The lands of Xishan” the former ruler of those lands said, quite solemnly. “Why would I bother with barbarians?” the Lieutenant General asked, viewing the statement of Kotyan as some kind of joke.  _ I… well of course… you think they’re all evil… right.  _ “Because it was an Imperial-Mandated Campaign Against Invaders,” I proposed. Suki corrected me with “It wasn’t, you just went hunting”.  _ Right.  _ “Forget that” and I hoped he had forgotten. I’m glad I’m in the  _ Mobile  _ Palace of Jian, and not the stationary tent of...I guess Song… because only here could my comments be completely ignored because some low-ranked officer was giving a knee-slapping hilarious retelling of… something.

“So Brother Hongji and the River Lord had a staring contest!”  _ I’m glad I missed the prelude to the contest, because now I’m confused _ . The room applauded the storyteller and the man sitting to his side. “Then the River Lord goes back to his camp and next morning, two thousand riders descend upon Keifeng!”  _ I… where’s the joke? Or am I lacking in taste because the only humor I’ve been consuming in the past season is ‘so I tore his throat out with my teeth and then the Water Tribespeople, I mean, Bastard Sons of the North Star, ran away’.  _ “But Brother Hongji took his spear and ten men and lets the riders into the town. Once inside, they have no idea where we were. And that-” the storyteller stomped the ground, “-is when we struck!”  _ I still don’t understand if there was a joke or would be a joke.  _

“We poured out of the houses and taught the River Lord why you  _ never  _ bring riders into a city!” and the audience cheered. Uncle, well I viewed him as my father for most of my life, used to comment that I was ‘always getting distracted’ when I  _ did  _ attend class, unless the subject was on history. Or hunting. He was never going to call me foolish, I did listen when he discussed the value of leadership and a leader who is as courageous as Kyoshi, but I didn’t listen to the whole ‘don’t be reckless’ and ‘think with your mind before with your blade’ and… well here I am. Anyways, I demonstrated my knack for intelligence by going “Who was the River Lord and why should any of us care?” The man being applauded and not speaking got off his knees, waddled out to the aisle, turned towards me, and kowtowed. “I am Hongji, Your Majesty! Sergeant General of the Keifeng Garrison!”  _ I don’t really care.  _ “And? Who’s he? You want me to toss a title at you?” and the Imperial Guard snickered while the Kyoshi Warrior tried not to for politeness’s sake.  _ Tried _ . 

“Your Majesty! I fought the River Lord, Sangyanan, and killed him in one-on-one combat!” Before I could tell the man to cool his ambition, he kept going. “Sangyanan came with some turbaned men and crossed the Da Dongjiang. He raided the Yuci coast until we pulled him off the coast and into the city itself.”  _ I…  _ I didn’t really know how to react to all this. I tried to format an opinion. “Turbaned men? You used a  _ city  _ as bait?” I maintained my formal tone but all I could think of was  _ so you’re not qualified _ . 

“Yes, Your Majesty” the man kowtowed and bopped his head once again, “They could bend the sand of the beach, but were useless inland.”  _ That means... _ “So they’re sandbenders.” “Yes, Your Majesty” the man said with a grin. “And he’s called the River Lord because…?” I think my companions knew where I was going with this. “Yes, Your Majesty, for he came from the Da Dongjiang. He and his turbaned retinue smashed our patrols.”  _ Hold it a miao.  _ “You’re telling me a  _ sandbender  _ is a ‘River Lord?’ That’s like an earthbender being named the new Elder of an Air Temple.” The gathered men either chose not to laugh or didn’t find it funny, save one or two voices in the corner of the room. Suki and Kotyan did. I downed my current goblet of cold water and waved him away. 

“Enough, incompetence is…”  _ wait...if they didn’t laugh… oh for my ancestor’s sake …  _ “ _ -not  _ one of your traits.” and I nodded him off the aisle. He bopped the ground a few more times because retelling his most famous tale -defeating a sandbender who was apparently the lord of a river despite not having any idea how naval combat works and  _ the Si Wong being on the opposite side of the river from us _ \- in front of the Emperor made him excited. And excited men fight harder. Or stupider.  _ But it’s hard to go down from there.  _

“Next! Someone come out here with something compelling!” and I looked across the front rows, waiting for someone brave enough to get off his knees and use his voice. “Yeah!” my cousin punched the air. “Something that really gets me on the edge of my seat!” and Suki got up and sat down on the edge of my seat. The  _ edge _ . She made Nan hop off and take to resting on the other side of my foot.  _ Note, thank you Kotyan for building a seat wide enough to accompany one tree-man and his cousin _ . Yet again, nobody seemed to understand Suki’s enjoyment of visual comedy.  _ This is what happens when you live somewhere with a consistent and not-moody Sun and Moon that just rise wherever they want. Try no Sun and maybe some of you will turn half as… entertaining... as half of one of us _ . 

After an embarrassing -for them- long amount of time sitting around, Suki thought to intervene. “Someone get up here and tell a fascinating story of how you single handedly saved the Empire or something!”  _ I see what you did there, Sukes. I see what you did there _ .  _ I see and I only have one good eye, but I saw it anyway.  _ After wiping my good eye’s eyelid, since all that  _ seeing  _ made me sweat and...something something… anyways, after that, I got to bear witness to another one of these officers and their uniforms get off the floor and kowtow to I, first, and thank Jian for hosting the  _ party _ , second, “Blessings upon Brother Jian and his Line!”. When this officer rose, so did his ego. 

“I am Qingde, Your Majesty! Sergeant General of the Zaqqiang Garrison.” I looked at Suki, if my eyebrow could speak it’d go ‘so?’, but it can’t speak, it’s an eyebrow. “After the Fire Nation was routed by Your Majesty’s valiant duel against General Shinji, many in the land of Nanchang rallied to counterattack the Fire Nation. I led the local commandery’s standing forces and we were flooded with militia. I took them to the coast of Datan and we blocked off much of Shinji’s army from escaping.”  _ Our forces rallied? Where were all these people beforehand? Did they sit out the Second Siege or something?  _ I tapped the hand rest with my fingers, thinking of a question to ask.  _ Wait, no, I have one. I’m curious about something…  _ “And?  _ How  _ did you block them off? Did you wipe them out?”  _ I know, that’s more than one question, I don’t care _ . The man I addressed, who had the entire room’s eyes gazing upon him, smiled. 

“Shinji’s army routed, Your Majesty! We attacked their troop columns from the flanks. We deployed skirmishers to hit their routing vanguard! We attacked them day-and-night, never giving them time to break! When they finally got to the beach, they were exhausted and disorganized. The Fire Navy showed up in time to watch the last of Shinji’s forces being cut down on the beach itself.” The man brimmed with elation at his own successes. I might’ve clapped because it was a nice story to hear, but even if I  _ wanted  _ to, I was interrupted by someone in the crowd saying “That’s a total lie.” “Oh really?” I said, my voice boomed across the room. The crowd flipped from applause to anger. As one of these officers said, “Whoever said that, make his name known!” 

Near the doorway, a man stood up and walked into the aisle. He was wearing an Imperial Navy uniform. The difference is that his clothes look, and are, lighter than the clothes of the other branches save the Imperial Air Corps. He had a short  _ dao  _ scabbard at his side. He kowtowed to me, just as all before had. When I let him rise again with a palm wave, he addressed in a formal tone of “Your Majesty’s servant is Ding, Sergeant General of the Imperial Navy, Ba Sing Se Fleet, Naval Infantry!”  _ So that’s why you’re a Sergeant General, you’re leading land forces attached to the navy. A bit confusing, but then against the Ba Sing Se Fleet’s organization structure leans heavily on the Imperial Army, since How’s the supreme commander of it.  _

“And why do you claim that this other man is lying?” The ‘other’ man didn’t look like he wanted to hear that he might’ve been lying. “I was stationed in Datan when the Second Siege began, on orders from the new Rear Admiral, Yuu Zhi, of the Ba Sing Se Fleet. I was stationed in Datan when, one rainy morning, a courier arrived telling us that in a surprise attack, the Third and Fourth Armies were either trapped inside Ba Sing Se or routed. Rear Admiral Yuu ordered me to take my…” he groaned, “...experts in  _ boarding combat _ and block off the late General’s forces.” 

As interesting as this sounded, I didn’t understand the tangent. “Yes, but why do you claim he is lying?” and I waved my hand so that he’d get on with it. “Because he didn’t participate in the ensuing conflict, Your Majesty. We took a map and calculated that they’d flee to the nearest coast. This brought us to a piece of land in Datan, east of the commandery capital of Qingliangdian. I took the other men stuck on shore leave and we marched to this strip of unimportant land populated by a few fishing villages and one small fishing town. We were in the middle of evacuating the locals when the vanguard of the Royal Fire Army arrived.” The officer let out a single laugh, making me raise my eyebrow since normally chronicles of such events aren’t laugh-worthy.

“Forgive me, Your Majesty. They weren’t a vanguard. They were just the men with the eel-hounds. The men fleeing with the eel-hounds. All eighty-two of them. They didn’t have any officers. Boarding axes are quite good at pulling men off mounts.” and he made a motion of pulling on an imaginary shaft. “Eel-hounds were ours. We had finished sending the civilians east and shuttered the main town when the ostrich horse riders came. They tried to form a flying battalion of riders to smash through us.” He looked to his left and his right and shrugged. “Didn’t work, Your Majesty.” 

He resumed locking his eyes on my eyepatch and my good eye. “Then the komodo rhinos came. I won’t  _ lie _ , they plowed through the local militia sent out to skirmish with them. But komodo rhinos don’t do well inside a town or village. They’re too wide. And they don’t like turning to the sides. We opened the shutters on the second stories of the buildings and tossed grappling hooks, spears, and harpoons at them. The komodo rhinos stamped-ed  _ right  _ into our anti-rider spikes on the beach…” five  _ miao  _ of dramatic pausing later… “...Then the infantry, or what was left of them, made it to our positions. After what we heard happened to the towns in the Agrarian Zone, the other men and I would agree, there was nothing more satisfying than seeing men tired after days of running being cut down by our throwing harpoons. In one of the only pitched battles, I worked my way to the enemy commander and lobbed his head off with an axe.” The approximately  _ three  _ men who had accompanied him cheered at his retelling of the story. But I’m not in the Imperial Navy, so I don’t have to cheer. 

Instead, I retained my ancestor’s trait for being bored by people’s fancy tales. I’m the Emperor, I’ve heard more interesting tales from either of my current companions. No, I’ve heard more interesting stories from people I met and will probably never meet again due to the Empire’s scope, like Baatar of Sangzhen. I allowed the boredom to seep into my tone. “And how does this prove that the other officer is lying?” “Your Majesty, we didn’t ‘catch them’ just before the Royal Fire Navy showed up. The Royal Navy was out in East Lake fighting the Ba Sing Se Fleet. We did harass them with skirmishers, but that’s standard Imperial procedure for  _ any  _ battle. Most of all, this other officer wasn’t present at any of the war meetings between I and the other officers. Maybe he was leading his men out as part of the local call-to-arms, but he wasn’t assigned with blocking up the Royal Fire Army’s escape route.” 

_ I mean… you sound like you’re telling the truth. You went into more detail than the other officer, but…  _ I sighed. I sighed because  _ why does it matter? Why does it matter who had the important victory? The histories will claim I won the Second Siege of Ba Sing Se but all I did was kill a general. The Fire Nation was going to bleed itself out in the Lower Ring. I just preemptively ended it.  _ But,  _ I could sigh, _ I’m not the one mustering the partygoers, Jian was. Which was why when he yelled “It doesn’t matter, Ding! We’re here to feast, not to quarrel amongst each other!”, the two officers had to back off and go back to their seats. 

Suki, Kotyan and I nourished ourselves on braised roast turtle-duck, baked fox-antelope, grilled turtle-duck, turkey-duck, among other treats, all delicacies of Ba Sing Se and of the Empire, and food that we sorely missed despite never talking about how much we missed it. As we did, Jian held a meeting with his officers. Did they discuss the current events? The rebellion? My injuries? No, no, why would they? They continued talking about military victories. Not ‘victories’,  _ that’s a high honor,  _ no, they talked about some of their greatest achievements.

Junshi of the town of Xiajin led a couple thousand men against the Protectorate and was promoted for stealing one of their  _ really large  _ ‘we’re poor peasants but we have big flag’ standards in a battle.  _ Well he certainly is qualified for leadership, then _ . He still has the flag, and is proud of parading this faded strip of cloth around like it’s a standard from the Imperial Firebenders.  _ It’s not. It’s really not _ .

Luo, commander of the standing army around Jinan in Yunzhong, sacked a Protectorate encampment and probably found that the most valuable item there was the weapon he was carrying. Dirty peasant clothes and pitchforks don’t sell for much to marketplaces, no matter the location. After all, anything of value was burned or melted or tossed into the sea because everything the peasantry didn’t like was associated with The Usurper, my Empress. But… he ‘sacked’ the encampment. A full hundred thousand strong Protectorate army could be routed by an army a tenth it’s size. No, not even that. A full Protectorate army could be routed by one King of Omashu, as demonstrated once. 

Yizhi-Lee, neighbor to Luo and distant cousin to him, commanded another small army in Yunzhong. When the Protectorate came for his measly outpost in the middle of the steppe-country, he encircled the two thousand strong force of peasants armed with farming tools with five thousand disciplined men armed with crossbows and spears. Taking a thousand casualties, he won. A thousand casualites of heavily armed and armored men, fighting ‘fanatical’ Protectorate troops. ‘Fanatical’ troops last longer against  _ benders, crossbows and spears _ ? I didn’t know the shirtless Kang Shen sect was onto something. He paraded their ‘commander’, a farmer with a stockier build than most, around on a personal parade before executing him with a classic ‘get tossed off a waterfall’ technique. 

Lun, an officer from Kuinaixi, the capital of Niu Ju, resisted a Protectorate siege for ten days and earned  _ his  _ promotion after rallying a bunch of farmers to go kill another bunch of farmers, and win. Ignore the core garrison force of a couple thousand trained spearmen, likely armed with shields, and crossbowmen… just ignore them. Those couple thousand trained men probably waited until it was  _ convenient  _ to arrive, instead of…  _ oh who am I kidding.  _

The officers toasted one another’s accomplishments. As the Emperor, I didn’t have to join these toasts, for I was above them all in rank and importance and if nothing else, they respected that. But instead of showing off my powers and my authority and my,  _ you know, all that Imperial stuff _ , I could simply sit back while the toasts took place and didn’t have to join them. Since Kotyan and Suki are my bodyguards, they  _ also  _ don’t have to join them, though there was some social pressure -the rest of the room cheering- to do so. Such toasts took an entire  _ fen,  _ each. 

Take one for example. “To Brother Jiuling, for vanquishing the deserters and pacifying the pirates!” Then everyone else would raise their cups and go “To Brother Jiuling!”. They’d down these small goblets of rice wine, have some side chatter like “Brother Jiuling should get a promotion for that!” and “May his name be etched into the Histories!” and other such compliments. Suki and I were too polite to say anything. Kotyan had to get up after this toast. He didn’t say anything beyond “I have to go check in with someone, Your Majesty” before getting up and marching out the room. The room had gone silent for a few  _ miao  _ while he did this, as if they were insulted by his act. If they were, nobody voiced it to his face. Once he departed, they went back to chattering about how great Jiuling was and still is. No time later, they went on to regaling themselves with  _ more  _ stories. 

“Jian’s Elites” refers to a group of five officers under his command who have followed him for many years. The oldest for nine, the youngest for three. The five sit below the stairs,  _ yes, stairs _ , to the sides of Jian’s little throne. He met the oldest, Zhihong while in battle against a  _ daofei  _ band operating out of the farming country in Gaolan. When I, just the Emperor, not some kind of record of  _ every  _ general, let alone their bodyguards or officers, asked Zhihong for the story, he told me his version of the story. “Brother Jian rode out with just his household guard to attack the  _ daofei _ , Your Majesty. I came with the local militia, between his men and mine we numbered no more than two hundred. We fell upon their larger force. By the time the battle was done and Brother Jian saw me again, my hands were drenched in the blood of ten. Jian said ‘a man able to kill ten is a man worth ten.’ And so-” and Zhihong head-bowed, “-I have followed him ever since, Your Majesty.” Jian added his version of the story. “For charging first and leading fighters into the  _ daofei  _ hideout, Your Majesty, I named him my personal Officer of the Vanguard-” Jian did as Jian does and turned this into a toast. “-May all men aspire to be as driven!” and the officers behind me -I was facing him- cheered. “May we all aspire to be as driven as Brother Zhihong!” was their rehearsed cheer.

Next to the scruffy-bearded Zhihong sat a taller man and his pointed beard. “Who is that?” I asked. The man sitting there introduced himself to me as “Renxian, Your Majesty! Lieutenant General Jian’s Officer of the Left!”.  _ Mhm _ . I turned to the drinking Jian and asked “And what’s his story?”. Jian put his drink down. “Brother Renxian met me in… unfortunate circumstances, Your Majesty.” Jian looked somewhat sad, as if these circumstances were  _ sad _ .  _ Oh, how sad _ . I looked at the two, if my good eye could talk it’d probably say ‘and, what?’. But it can’t. But my mouth can. “And what? What unfortunate circumstance? Did your gold-plated carriage not arrive on time?” and the Lieutenant General put his hands in his face. The officers gathered here, well a majority of them,  _ not all, there were a few with some sense, I take it _ , began weeping with the Lieutenant General. 

“The caravan attack!” one of the officers cried out. “How awful!” someone else unironically said. I looked over at the entrance. The man in his Imperial Navy garb sipped his drink. I don’t know what gives away that I, the Emperor, am looking in your direction,  _ maybe the eyepatch? _ , but he noticed me looking at him and we exchanged a silent look of mutual ‘what are we doing here?’. Once all these thirty-something year old men were done crying,  _ no really, crying _ , Jian sniffled his tears and continued his speech. I mean lecture. While sniffling.

“Brother Renxian led the local guards that had escorted us from Xiatu to Jinchang. When we were attacked by  _ daofei _ calling themselves ‘The Followers of Wei Jin’, most of my household caravan guards were killed. We were saved by Renxian and his spearmen. Renxian personally slew their Chief in a duel.” Finally,  _ I know it’s only been a few sentences but it felt like much longer _ , the Lieutenant General stopped with the weeping voice and went on with his normal, much more comforting to listen to,  _ arrogant  _ one. “I brought Renxian into my retinue and for his many feats in hunting down and killing enemy commanders, and for his feats in keeping his soldiers steadfast against any threat, I named him Officer of the Left. Whether riders or tribals or  _ daofei _ , they’d be hard-pressed to punch a hole in anything I tell him to defend.” Jian punched the air in approval. Once again, Jian turned this into a toast. “May all aspire to hold the line like Brother Renxian did against Fuling at the Battle of Zhashi!” The officers cheered, “May we all aspire to hold the line like Brother Renxian!” and downed their refilled goblets for the fifth or sixth drink of the night. 

Next to the tall Renxian sat a man with the kind of face I might find on an actor in the Upper Ring. I’m sure had this man taken to acting he’d have  _ all  _ the Upper Ring women trying to knock down his door and throw themselves at him. What a man of such famed facial features, namely two sparkling eyes and baby-faced cheeks, was doing in the private court of this twenty-eight year old Lieutenant General, I did not know. Yet. Unlike the other two, this man noticed me looking at him and got off his knees to kowtow to me before I even asked. 

“I am Yi, Your Majesty. I am Lieutenant General Jian’s Officer of the Right!”  _ Right. Right. Of course.  _ Before I could ask what his story was, he started talking. “Brother Jian knew me from childhood. When he was called to fight The Dragon’s Host, he mustered anyone he could in Jinchang, Dahaizi and Zhaojia. I answered the call then and joined him as a personal guard of his. When Brother Jian led us against the Dragon Host’s southeastern flank… well… Your Majesty, is the Third Battle of the Xiaodian Plains not legendary enough?”  _ Okay… fine, credit where it’s due, you’re right about that. I’ve heard of it. I don’t know how ‘legendary’ smashing Iroh’s morale-depleted forces is, but it’s still a famed battle.  _ Suki, not being I and not having all the time in the world to go browse the Imperial Archives, didn’t know what this random number and location meant. “What was the ‘Third Battle of the Xiaodian Plains?’” 

I’m happy to report that none of the officers present, save myself, were restricted in their walking capacity. I cite what followed Suki’s innocent question: The officers put down their teacups and quickly shuffled over to the aisle, before dropping into kneels with hands raised in bows. They  _ begged  _ the Lieutenant General, not I, to respond to her question. They begged him in the most formal way possible. Kneeling and bringing their hands together as if to bow, except not bowing because something-something old formal tradition. When twenty officers are all lined up in rows of four in order of rank and age, it’s very hard to resist picking  _ one  _ of these thirty-somethings. It’s doubly hard if you’re Jian, who loves picking one of the twenty  _ named  _ officers -that is, officers who are subordinates to Jian, not their subordinates, or: officers he knows the names of and interacts with on a daily basis, thus, ‘named officers’- who keep toasting to him. Note, everyone here that has two eyes and isn’t a Kyoshi Islander is a colonel, at least, meaning they’ve got majors and lieutenants.  _ Don’t get me started on the sergeant generals.  _ “I pick Yixing!” Jian declared with his pointer finger. The other soldiers,  _ ha, ‘soldiers _ ,’ stopped their quiet pleaing of ‘Brother Jian!’ and went back to their cushions, leaving one man kneeling in the aisle.

This man who I didn’t know the name of and would likely never meet again took the time to kowtow to me and go “I am Yixing, Your Majesty! Senior Colonel of the Luliang Garrison!”  _ That’s nice. I’m tree-man, Senior -and only- Consort to the Empress. _ Then he turned to Jian and began speaking.  _ Why  _ he chooses to regale Jian’s own battle to the Lieutenant General seems kind of redundant, but  _ aren’t we in a party instead of planning for a battle?, redundancy got thrown out the window of this stone siheyuan earlier _ .  _ Also, hey, nothing like ego-boosting _ . He kowtowed to me again, since that’s what you do, and rose again to address Suki. 

“General Kazushi of the Uchida met then-Sergeant General Jian on the Plains of Xiaodian. Kazushi offered parley and the two decided on a battle.”  _ Yes...that’s why it’s called the ‘Third Battle of the Plains of Xiaodian’ not the ‘Third Battle of the Mountains of Xiaodian’. Also, what idiot would fight in mountains? Also, also, is Jian really the kind of person to meet his opponents for a parley? Really? Does he even show up at battlefields?  _

“We set up earth walls on our front and flanks and kept most of our nonbenders in spear walls and crossbow lines. Our riders rode out against their komodo rhinos. Our riders were routed back to our battleline. Their komodo rhinos broke our walls apart and charged our spear lines. We braced and fended them off. Then their infantry came. Our benders threw boulders at the oncoming attackers and built more earth walls to create chokepoints. Our crossbows peppered the unshielded spearmen and firebenders with bolts. When Kazushi feigned an assault on our center and forced most of our forces to regroup in the center, he then swung around his left and towards our weak right. I was on the right when he crashed into us, personally leading from a komodo rhino’s back. We would’ve died had he not dispatched his elite reserves to our aid.” 

_ The Rapid Tiger-Lion Infantry. Masters of the jian, heavily armored, trained to run in said armor. Right?  _ Yixing continued. “The Rapid Tiger-Lions, led by Yi, held the crumbling right flank. Yi and his personal pair of  _ jian  _ cut his way through the firebenders and right up to Kazushi. He dueled the master firebender. In honor of the duel, they say of Yi:” he paused, purposefully, and let the entire crowd -save a few from earlier- shout as one: “In one slice, the hand! In two, the head! In three, never again!” and the man being referred to in all this smiled.  _ You really would be a great actor _ .  _ Really. But then again, leadership is part acting, so you’re doing your dream job? _ When their war cry was done, this officer Yixing concluded the story. “We rolled up the firebenders and routed them west.”  _ West… and right out of Boshan and right out the administrative region that you’re defending. You weren’t able to encircle them to the point of disbanding? What?  _

Suki seemed genuinely intrigued by all this, which, maybe that’s not as rare as I think it is, is rare for this night. “Did you-” she turned to Jian, “-give chase to them?” Jian laughed. The crowd -save the same few quiet ones- laughed along with him. “We chased them out of our region! They can be Jinhui's problem!” and the crowd, again, laughed in a kind of snobby, arrogant laugh. On the one hand, they’re wrong to make fun of it, since the Dragon’s Host affected everyone. On the other hand, if this was my military reforms, ‘a regional army stays in its region’ and all that, they’d be in the right. So, while I disagree with the snobby laughing, I agree that a regional force shouldn’t overextend itself, especially when it’s partaking in a massive -in terms of men committed and scale of battles- campaign. A campaign that saw a hundred thousand on the Fire Nation’s side and four hundred thousand on our side,  _ and that’s the low estimate _ . Yes, when such a large military operation is occurring, it’s a good idea to not open oneself up. An encircler or pursuer can quickly be encircled and pursued. 

Because of this laughter, Suki seemed annoyed. “So you didn’t chase them down?  _ Why _ ?”  _ No, you don’t need to draw your katana, it’s okay.  _ Thankfully, she didn’t. “I was ordered to make for the Outer Wall” the Lieutenant General stated. Then at Jian’s behest, a hand wave, this Yixing person went back to his cushion. Jian ended Yi's tale with “In honor of leading my best men, I named him Officer of the Right!” A toast was called, “May we all be as experts at dueling as Brother Yi is!” followed by the cheers of the officers, “May we all be as experts at dueling as Brother Yi is!” Yet again, they downed their refilled cups. Suki and I didn’t.  _ This is a great idea. You’re all going to regret this tomorrow morning. I won’t. You will. I will remember this.  _

My good eye went from the actor-like face of Yi to his right. A man with a long dark queue and a fancier-than-usual dark green uniform, almost silk-like in its construction. This time, I addressed Jian himself. “And who’s the queued man?” He stood, er,  _ sat _ , out amongst the crowd in that most officers here had their hair in regular Imperial Army top knots and accompanying pieces. His queue… wasn’t that. “That is Ying-Xun of the Line of Kui, Your Majesty.” The Lieutenant General didn’t see the reason to get off his chair and kowtow to me.  _ It’s okay, I won’t see a reason not to remind you of this… later _ . Anyways, Jian continued. “I won the battle and the Badgermole Throne gave me a promotion and the job of guarding Boshan. And, when in Boshan, the Line of Kui provides  _ anything  _ you need. I joined my lineage with theirs in my marriage to Lady Liwei.” 

_ Line of Kui? Aren’t they some kind of scion? Didn’t they plot to overthrow the Badgermole Throne long ago? Prince Chong mentioned it in his diary.  _ I interrupted this man’s pride with some questioning. “And how does that relate to this queued individual?” Such a question was meant to addle his mind or remind him of reality, but where we are, there’s no such thing as reality. “Ying-Xun was an excellent commander and I took him on. Now, he’s Officer of the Center since I spend most of my time in the lands of Boshan and nobody knows Boshan better than a Kui.”  _ So what you’re saying is the Line of Kui bribed you. If you wanted a wife, you’d need to take one of their sons on as an officer. You’re being used by the Kui. And now he’s...wait…  _ “You made him Officer of the  _ Center _ ?” I couldn’t help but sound a bit amazed. Involuntarily reaction and all that. 

The man with his queue threw his queue over his back and gave me a quite invasive… look. A ‘are you about to say what I think you’re about to say’ look. Also famous for being the standard look of many Ba Sing Se bureaucrats.  _ But we’re not in Ba Sing Se _ .  _ And neither are you _ . “Indeed, Your Majesty. He and I became good friends through Lady Liwei and he’s the best commander around.”  _ Except… you’re probably better than him.  _ Even though my instincts told me  _ not  _ to say what I was about to say, I said it anyways. “Do you need an Officer of the Center?” Jian looked down at the queued man and his lavish green uniform that was more silken robe than uniform. In a  _ very  _ light tone, he asked “Brother Ying, do you want to retire any time soon?” Said man looked at me, squinting his eyes, and responded like he was in casual light-hearted conversation, “No, Brother Jian. I’m too young.” To this, Jian -being younger than Ying- laughed. “Then for as long as you’re young, you’ll be my Officer of the Center!” He then raised his refilled cup and called for a toast. “To Brother Ying and to the Kui! May we all have such excellent administrators!” The officers cheered, “To Brother Ying and to the Kui! May we all have such excellent administrators!” and they downed their... _ eighth? _ ... cup of barely-alcoholic rice wine.

I looked at the rightmost of his ‘five’. A man with very similar facial features to Jian, but a pig-goatee instead of a beard. I had the hunch -it’s the cheeks- that the two were somewhat related. Instead of following through with that inquiry, I asked something vague-er that couldn’t get me in trouble -only the boring social kind- if I got it wrong.  _ I learned this from being an idiot in my classes!  _ “And who is your most recent of the Five?” “Hui-Yan, my cousin, Your Majesty. Officer of the Rear.”  _ Oh. So I was right. I… maybe I should pursue such inquiries. Actually, no, don’t. Better to be vague and demand exposition _ . “And why is he in your army, Lieutenant General?” The man who bore his boss’s facial features didn’t showcase any ill emotion towards me. “Hui has showcased his proclivity for being a Yuan first and has proven to be a master commander.” 

_ W...wow. Way to self-promote your own lineage in front of the Emperor, right? That’s… that takes stones.  _ I think, no, I  _ know  _ my jaw fell off and bounced off the floor.  _ I...you really just told me how great you are… In front of the Emperor… me… the Emperor… this isn’t how you get a promotion _ . But, I  _ am  _ the Earth Emperor, and the Earth Emperor is supposed to be formal and let others bop their heads and be formal and all that. So I nodded and gave my formal reply of “I shall hope he can reach your heights in military victories.” The crowd held a very loud toast to commemorate the words that poured out of my mouth and Suki got up and leaned over towards my ear. 

She whispered “Are you choking?” and I whispered -during the toast- back to her, “No.” So she whispered “You sounded like you were choking.” I asked “What on?” and she answered, still sounding serious, “All…  _ this _ . It’s never good to choke. Worst of all to choke on stupid.” The cups were thrust into the air with the kind of vigor they  _ should  _ be using to thrust blade and spear at their enemies, but we’re also in a party, not on campaign. Right?  _ Right?  _ Of course we aren’t on a campaign. I’m not here because there’s some kind of  _ need _ to be here. Nope. I just get off my comfortable Consort Throne and go wander around like a drunk turtle-duck.  _ Yup _ . That’s what I do. The Earth Emperor. Imperial Commander me. The Empress’s Fist.  _ Yup _ . The One-Eyed Badgermole.  _ Yup _ .

I took my second, or maybe third, cup of rice wine for the night, joined the drinking and  _ some  _ idiotic rambling, and drank up. I tried to get up, but Jian -now slightly-tipsy- gestured to me with “I see Your Majesty’s foot is injured! May I recommend a healer?” Suki, having got up to help me walk around, joined me as the two of us Islanders glared at him. “Why… where was this healer earlier?” she asked, bitter in tone. Jian pointed, sloppily, at the wall and stated “She just got up. She was asleep for awhile!” Suki and I continued trading ‘What?’ looks. “ _ No, I’d like to be a cripple for the rest of my life _ ” I said in my best Toph impression. Suki intervened with the shoulder-elbow, to which I had to pause my sarcasm and go “No, no,  _ I’m  _ the one who gets the punch, not gives it.” She then took one of my hands and tried to punch my own shoulder with it.  _ No… _ Our sibling rivalry was brought to a close with me remembering that that was sarcasm and  _ Jian didn’t get it _ . “Hold it with the punching” I had to command Suki. “I  _ wanted  _ to,” she whined in protest. Then I moved back over to Jian, metaphorically.

“Yes!” I shouted the first part and said the rest in a higher-than-normal loudness voice, “I’d like to get my foot healed!” Jian rubbed his chin, seemingly about to pass out. Suki, having let up from the shoulder assault of irony, joined me in my statements. “Yeah! He needs that foot for… Consorting!”  _ I… what in Kyoshi, Sukes? Consorting? What am I going to do with a foot? Or… wait, no, no, no, no, I’ve seen one too many Pu-On Tim scripts to know the answer to that.  _ She redefined what she meant. “That’s an  _ Imperial _ -” stressed ‘Imperial’ “-foot!”  _ That  _ woke Jian up. 

“Hmm? Imperial?” he mumbled, then noticed who had hobbled over from his chair and was now like five feet from his head and accidentally shouted -like a man woken by night terrors-“Your Majesty! Ahh! Your...” and shook. Then he got off his throne and kowtowed to I. In my  _ commanding  _ voice, I politely requested that “I would like to see your healer.” Jian got off his hilariously poor kowtow and yelled “Servants! Where are my servants?” and two waiting attendants walked out, bowing to their master. “Escort His Imperial…” he yawned. “Escort His Imperial Majesty to Lady Akna!” The two servants looked at me, I looked at them, and the four of us walked off to the side carpet door, through it, and into  _ the rest of this siheyuan. The rest of the siheyuan. Because it’s a mobile Palace _ .

A  _ fen  _ of hobbling along later, I reached the room on the other side of this  _ siheyuan’s  _ courtyard. It was well-lit, considering the darkness of the night that surrounded us, and it had a carpeted ‘not a door but a way to partition one from the other’ entryway. In other words, a carpet hanging from some kind of built-in carpet-holder so it could be draped in front of the entryway. The servants opened it up and I came face to air, since the top of her head went up to my seventy-three mustache hairs. “How can I help-” her voice broke when she spotted my -I could go with anything distinctive but let’s give it the credit it deserves- auburn queue dangling around my neck and over my chest. “Your Majesty!” and she dropped into a very...not-Imperial kowtow. 

It was a kowtow, but the hands were slightly further out from a proper kowtow. I suppose her blue clothing and her olive complexion should’ve clued me in, but as I’ve mentioned previously, I can only see _half_ what I otherwise should. So I miss out on everything. “Are you Lady Akna?” I asked, very politely and nicely. She smiled. “That is I, Your Majesty.” Then she spun around and looked at her room. Her...office. “I’m so sorry, Your Majesty! It’s quite dirty! I-” I cut her voice of desperation off and took pity on her. “It’s fine. I slept in a wooden hut for the past season. I’m here about my foot.” She was halfway through being sad and trying to clean off a mattress resting on a stone bed when I said that. She then spun around, _well someone’s fleet-footed_ , and looked at my foot. “Ah! Yes, Your Majesty! Of course! Right away!” and she took to grabbing a _blanket,_ yet another thing this Palace has, from the _closet_ , another feature of the Palace, and tossing it onto the bed. The two servants helped out with all this. During all the noise making, Suki whispered that “her sudden reaction proves that she’s the real deal”. _Okay then_. I for one _love_ having my foot feel like it’s on fire all day and night, but I also like not having that, so I agreed with Suki’s emotive wording. “I hope to trust you.” With the bed finally set, Lady Akna made way for Suki to help me onto the bed. 

“How did Your Majesty sustain the wound?” the Lady asked while Suki began to undo the wrapping that went up my right foot, past the ankle, and past the shin. It stopped just above the shin. My foot was bare save for the wrapping, far from the usual foot armor - _ better known as a boot _ \- and I felt that bareness as it was exposed to the mild air around us. “I was leading forces, we were being chased by-” I stopped because  _ she’s from the Water Tribes, and she’s a bender, so Northern _ ... I restarted my explanation. “I was chased by mercenaries. My ostrich horse was cut down from under me, it fell over, I was trapped in the saddle, it crushed my foot and lower leg under its weight.” 

Lady Akna took a water basin and brought it over to the table. As she pulled water out using smooth, slow, waterbending moves, Suki made her stop with “Wait” and put a hand on my torso.  _ Yes? Also, ow.  _ “What about your arrow wounds?” and she nailed the precise spot where I had an arrow break through the thinner-than-expected furs and hit the skin.  _ Well, the other spot _ . Since I didn’t have enough reasons to take off my Imperial Armor yet, I offered “What about the knife wound in my other arm?” Suki made this ‘Oh, yeah!’ face before shouting “Oh yeah!” and finding the spot. It was still stitched up, courtesy...  _ uhhh… Sirin? Gundes?  _ Akna didn’t drop her water while Suki did as Suki does with the overly emotive talking and pointing and poking. Instead, she pooled the water into her palms and stood to the side watching Suki interact with me as Suki does. With emotive talking and pointing and poking.

When I finally got out of my Imperial Armor, the pieces organized on a table near the door, the Lady who patiently waited this whole time could walk over to me and give me and my informal-robed self a once-over look. I say informal robe, I had to take off the top part because two arrow wounds and once torso wound. Thankfully for my whiskey-deprived self, she didn’t ask for further robe-removing. No, she placed the water -a sharp cold feeling- on my torso, first. And she closed her eyes.  _ Ahh...it stings _ . 

“The arrowhead pierced the muscle, Your Majesty.” she made that cool sensation…  _ no _ … I can’t really put it into words other than ‘a very calming and yet strikingly painful sensation’ at the same time. Before I knew it, the pain was gone. I looked down and found a small scar shaped like a bump. “What’s with the scar?” I asked, somewhat rhetorically. “I bound up the skin to cover the wound. I can’t make skin come back where there is none, Your Majesty.” “Was the scar inevitable?” “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but yes.” Suki gave her a reassuring pat on the back. “It’s not his first, knowing him, it won’t be his last.”  _ That is true. Scuffed knees, skinned my elbows, then some reminders on my feet, and so on, up to and including my eye _ . And it won’t be my last. Assassination attempts, battles,  _ it’s inevitable _ .

Lady Akna took her watery palms and moved down, down, down to my feet. Seeing a waterbender in action reminded me that I’m in the  _ Earth  _ Empire not the  _ Water  _ Empire. Meaning she wasn’t from here. Meaning...“What’s your story, my Lady? How were you contracted in the service of Lieutenant General Jian?” She paused, the water got  _ icy _ , and she held herself back from… I don’t know, freezing my foot off? I did shake enough to get Suki’s watchful eye and her extra watchful hand resting on her sash,  _ in reality that’s for easy hilt access and nobody else knows it _ . 

“I… when Her Imperial Majesty came to the Northern Water Tribe’s capital, I was a healer training for the Chief’s personal service. I was trained… but I didn’t want to serve him. Chauvinistic…” she mumbled some sort of vulgarity. Then she collected herself. “When the city was being sacked, I and some other healers rebelled against the Chief’s Guard and surrendered to Her Imperial Majesty’s General. We went to Ba Sing Se and… that’s where I met Jian. Most healers were bought off, but as he promised the ability to see the world, I joined up for free.” A couple tears rolled down her cheek. She must’ve noticed this because she wiped them off with her palm and immediately after looked over at me as if to check if I saw that. 

As the tingling, ever-present pain in my foot diminished to a dull pain, Suki tried her best to both reassure Akna and get to the bottom of this. “What happened? Is Jian treating you well? Do you want to leave?” and Suki offered her hand for comforting hugging purposes. Of course, Akna was busy healing my foot to engage in such. She wasn’t busy enough to ignore the questions. She stopped the healing to look over and note that there was only one servant present inside. The other young woman -dressed in Earth Empire colors and looked to be of the Lower Ring in origin- gave the olive-complexed woman a wordless nod. The healer put her healing first and took to working on my foot while talking.

“Lieutenant General Jian… well… I fell in love with him. He didn’t spoil me or anything, but… that’s what happened. I fell in love with him.”  _ Wait what?  _ Suki was just as surprised. “How? Why?” but she also knew how to reassure people who made bad relationship choices - _ ahem, you and that Tu-Jia foaming mouth man _ \- and calmly said “If there’s something wrong, His Imperial Majesty and I will get to the bottom of it.” As nonsensical as that sounded, I guess it’s what this lady wanted to hear. 

“He doesn’t really like his wife. Something about the politics and noblewomen and she using his name to gain power. When he’d come to get healing sessions from me, that’d be the only time we would be… together… and private.” I don’t think she needed to say anything else, and what she  _ did  _ say, else, can be left up to the imagination of the poets. Man loves woman, woman loves man, man is stuck in a boring political marriage and actually loves waterbender woman instead, waterbender woman and man spend time together in a private chamber, over time, waterbender woman feels stuck in all this and regrets falling in love with man and wishes she could be back in Ba Sing Se permanently with her other friends, waterbender woman stops loving man, man respects her wish. “I’m surprised someone like Jian doesn’t… well do  _ worse  _ to you.” “I was, too. I guess because I’m one of his only friends who wasn’t bought for an alliance, he doesn’t bother me. And I  _ do _ heal and I heal quite well.” 

The dull aching pain...remained. It didn’t completely disappear but it’s like the almost-new moon. A sliver left, enough to notice, but I could probably take to ignoring it if I don’t think about it. It was like she read my mind. “I healed the bones, but they should be kept off walking, Your Majesty. And yes, your lower shin and everything above the mid-foot was broken. Are you sure you didn’t accidentally break your foot somewhere else? Multiple times?”  _ Like kicking a rock?  _ “I’m going to be honest, I forgot much of that journey south. My mind was in a fog.” Thankfully, Suki didn’t make a joke about my mind always being in a fog.  _ She’d be right _ . “It’s possible, Your Majesty, that such an injury could result from falling off a ostrich horse mount, accidentally striking a rock with your foot, or of course, battle damage. I… my sources are the soldiers. Sleep-deprivation helps, or rather hurts, since you might forget you just impaled your hand on a spear. I’ve healed a few like that.” 

I replied, honestly “I  _ did  _ fall off an ostrich horse mount” and Suki added “And you did trip on a rock.” Those two memories  _ felt  _ real...I couldn’t place it but it felt like a me-thing to do. “Your Majesty is recommended to stay off your foot.”  _ Recommended. Right.  _ “So no running?” I pondered. “If I may give a suggestion to Your Majesty?” she asked, humbly. “Sure.” “Take a walking cane. It’ll help you. Your Majesty won’t need it anymore once you reach the Imperial Infirmary or in eight weeks, whichever earlier.”  _ There’s no way it’s taking me eight weeks to reach the Infirmary _ . “I’ll take one.” I then looked up at Suki. “You think we have any in the Imperial Carriage?” She nodded. “We’ve got a copy of  _ On Royal Lovemaking _ , why wouldn’t we have a walking cane?”  _ I… great. Good. That’s a book someone picked out for me.  _ “Go…” I flapped my hand like a bird, “...go run and get one!” she gave a quick head bow and ran off. While she was gone, I had more time to talk, alone, to the woman healing me.

“What do you think of Jian, my Lady?” The healer had taken to running her water over my aired out wound on my left arm. Except, because the arm felt warm beforehand, the mild air feels colder than it should.  _ Now I know how temperate people feel like going to Kyoshi Island _ . “He’s quite ambitious and proud of his ancestry, Your Majesty”  _ That’s not the best of reviews. Let’s see if it can be made more honest.  _ “What’s he like as a commander?  _ What do you think of him _ ?” I stressed the second sentence because I wanted to get her to get the point. 

She did. “He never leads his men on the battlefield, but he has some good generals… wait I’m sorry, officers… who fight his battles for him. And… I like him, but he’s a bit vain.” _Hm._ That was good to know, but Song already told me this. “What about his followers?” She wrapped up one of my arms and moved on to the next. _Ahh… it tingles in such a relieving sense. Credit to the waterbenders, first Katara’s amazing skills, then the various healers we picked up from the North, you, they’re all… wonderful_. She maintained her quiet voice. The distant sounds of partying and cheering likely deafened any would-be listeners, but she did it just in case.

“He surrounds himself with his friends and people who want to follow him, Your Majesty. He has connections across the Region of Boshan. When he wanted to buy a gift for his newlywed, a surprise gift made in Boshan ‘in honor of where he lives and how much he loves it’ or something like that, by next week twenty different people had brought silken dresses,  _ Liangbatou  _ and even jewelry. And he didn’t even make his intent public. And before you ask, he confessed to all this under…” she blushed, “very truthful circumstances. Of his own...will”  _ I think that’s enough for me to get the idea _ . Lovers know the most, afterall.

“So, what, does he kill the people he doesn’t like?” She made my arm twitch from the cold water. I don’t think it was intentional, she just shook when I said that. “There’s a reason his cousin and his brother-in-law are in his army. One of his friends leads all of Qixian Commandery’s mounted forces. Another cousin leads his detachment of Imperial Tanks. Another friend of his leads the local Air Corps detachments despite not being a pilot at all. Story is, if you’re his friend or you’re of the line of Kui, he’ll…” she admitted this in a defeat tone, “ _ kill _ …”  _ So he’s ambitious. And he treats his friends well _ .  _ Interesting.  _ Not long after she finished our conversation in a more… dour mood, she declared “Your healing is complete, Your Majesty!” in a lighthearted tone; and I tried, for the first time in days, to move my foot.  _ Ow...wait no...not, ow. It’s… it’s…  _ I put my foot on the ground. 

I stood up, resting on my better leg and yelled “It works!” in applause. The young woman,  _ I call her young, she's probably in her mid-twenties _ , smiled and gave a formal, deep bow. She absolutely beamed with happiness seeing me hobble quite slowly around the room. I was  _ not  _ going to put pressure on my foot, and sure, it still hurt, but she was still excastic. Reminds me of a certain Kyoshi Warrior of mine. Both have braids and upbeat personalities, except Akna has hair loopies and Ty Lee doesn’t. Some time later, too long to be merely convenient, Suki came running in carrying a cane. No really. A cane. “You...where did you get it?” I asked, happily surprised. “You’re walking around!” she stated, avoiding my question and being a great cousin instead. Lots of hugs. The hugging is greatly appreciated.  _ Why thank you for that, Sukes _ . She pulled out of the hug and grabbed the cane from the doorside. It was a simple cane made of hopefully sturdy dark wood with a long -horizontal- wooden handle. It wasn’t the most comforting surface to grab, but it’ll do. “Where did you get this?” I repeated myself. “The Imperial Carriage really  _ does  _ have everything.”  _ I suppose it makes some sense, after all. It’s a large carriage funded by the Imperial government, why wouldn’t it be stocked to the brim with nonsense, like ‘Consort’ books, and useful tools, like a repeating crossbow? We’re the Empire. We’re good at this kind of juxtaposed drunkenness.  _ Suki went to thank the Lady while I took my cane and hobbled out the door. My destination?  _ The one, the only, the pre-battle party _ .

Having a cane is a...nice feeling. Or maybe it’s the mobility of my legs again. Sure, I have to -quite literally- take everything in stride. A well-planned stride where every little movement must be planned beforehand.  _ I want to walk forward, I must place the cane at the right miao to maintain my walking and not get caught up _ . A well-planned endeavor that requires contingencies.  _ What if I reach mud? Sure, it hasn’t rained, but it might.  _ A well-planned event that keeps your focus the entire time. It’s actually quite easy to use crutches by comparison. They do all the work for you. A cane requires concentration. It’s just one small peg, one thin stick, if it lands wrong I’m going to put weight on my foot and if I do that...it’ll be a trip back to the healer. It’s like dueling, or fighting on the battlefield in general. Precision, focus, concentration, all for extended periods of time. 

As for Akna’s inability to completely heal my foot?...  _ It’s fine, not everyone’s a master healer _ .  _ My foot isn't broken, it’s a little painful, but… she’s a healer and she just brought my foot back from nothingness.  _ I walked back down the side-corridor, led by a pair of attendants, to the banquet hall. I arrived at the hall just in time to hear the noble booming voice of… 

“I, Jian of the line of Yuan, formally announce the creation of the Coalition to Pacify Fancun! I, Jian, will lead it. All members of the Coalition will work towards one purpose, we shall maintain formality at all times, and we shall not break any rules. He who violates such will be put to death! Ten Thousand Years to the Badgermole Throne! Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty, the Earth Empress!” 

I caught a glance of the man and his  _ gold _ -and-green formal military robe, emblazoned with the character for ‘Yuan’ in the middle, standing in front of his throne, punching the air. The crowd of officers and Jian’s retinue had formed up in a column formation in the main aisle and were punching the air with their blades unsheathed. 

They cried “Ten Thousand Years” as one...and the coalition was formed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the partying officers plan their campaign against the rebels.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for (Definitely) Qualified Official-Folks:  
> -This isn't premature celebration, the chapter. This is arrogant officials, the chapter.  
> -Ranks are based on what I can find from the Three Kingdoms era, translated over to modern English terms (i.e. instead of Junshi, it's Sergeant)  
> -The Imperial Army muster-able forces are quite big.   
> -Not all towns donated troops, not all towns emptied themselves fully for this  
> -Commanderies sorted from west to east (save Qixian because it's Jian's headquarters. Qixian is to the southeast of Shigusi and east of Yunzhong)  
> -The Line of Kui is an easter egg to the Age of Kyoshi roleplay I'm in. I figure, 300 years later, they're probably still around, still doing their...thing.  
> -Normally, someone like Ding would be the inspiring storyteller that the POV (who knows best!) is intrigued by/interested in. Not in this case.   
> -Wei Jin is the Zhang Tribe from 'The Great Divide'.  
> -And now, resolution to an unanswered question: What became of all those people who surrendered during the Sack of the Northern Water Tribe? They went to Ba Sing Se and were bought off as private healers if not part of the Imperial Army to begin with. They have no reason to rebel, they have far more freedom in the Empire than in their homeland.  
> -And now, a bit of a redeeming quality for Jian. He's in an unhappy (forced) marriage and treats his real friends quite well. Take of that what you will.  
> -Jian's final speech is inspired by Yuan Shao's from Romance of Three Kingdoms
> 
> \- - - - - -  
> Appendix on who's who in Jian's Coalition: Commandery written like THIS, Town written like ' T. of This: ', Name written like {This}. Rank written like (This).  
> Appendix on titles:   
> Col. = Colonel.   
> Sr. Col = Senior Colonel.   
> Sgt. Gen = Sergeant General  
> Lt. Gen = Lieutenant General  
> First number is age, second is number of men brought along.   
> QIXIAN:  
> T. of Qixian:  
> \----Jian of Line of Yuan (Lt. Gen), 28 - 30K! - Protector of Boshan, Head of Coalition  
> \----Zhihong, (Maj.) 40, Jian’s vanguard - - - 2k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Renxian, (Sr. Col) 38, Jian’s left - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Yi, (Sr. Col) 30, Jian’s right - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Ying-Xun of Line of Kui, (Sr. Col) 32, Jian’s center - - - 14k - Wang’s younger brother  
> \----Hui-Yan of Yuan, (Col.) 26, Jian’s rear - - - 4k - Younger cousin to Jian  
> \----Wang of the Line of Kui, 34 - Magistrate of Boshan - Boshan  
> SERPENT'S JUNCTION:  
> T. of Gaijin. {Laquan} (Sgt. Gen), 30 - - - 10k - Defensive  
> BEIXIAO:  
> T. of Wangmiao: {Yali} (Sr. Col) of Line of Tianxiao, 32, - - - 8k  
> T. of Xiajin: {Junshi} (Sr. Col), 38, - - - 7k  
> DATAN:  
> T. of Qingliangian: {Ding} (Sgt. Gen) of Line of Jin, 35, - - - 10k - Commander of the IN BSS's Naval Infantry contingent (basically the Marines)  
> T. of Zaqqiang: {Qingde} (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 6k  
> YUNZHONG:  
> T. of Jinan: Luo (Sr. Col), 27, - - - 8k  
> T. of Zhonggong: Yizhi-Lee (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 5k  
> NIU JU:  
> T. of Ulanqab: Longqing (Sgt. Gen) , 31, 12k  
> T. of Kuinaixi: Lun (Sr. Col), 34, 8k  
> YUCI:  
> T. of Keifeng: Hongji (Sgt. Gen), 29 - - - 10k  
> T. of Jiaozhou: Tugor-Jun (Sr. Col), 27 - - - 9k  
> T. of Yinping: Jiuling (Col.), 25 - - - 4k  
> XIAODIAN:  
> T. of Luliang: Yixing, (Sr. Col) 27 - - - 7k  
> T. of Yulin: Yu-Suogu, (Sr. Col) 30 - - - 5k  
> JINZHONG: Following are mostly riders.  
> T. of Zhumadian: Wenshunu, (Sgt. Gen) 33 - - - 10k - Commander of all Riders   
> T. of Gra: Huai, (Sr. Col) 24 - Gra - - - 8k  
> T. of Pingding: Yijian, (Sgt. Gen) 32 - - - 11k  
> \- - - - - - - - -  
> -PROVINCE OF BOSHAN, Jian's direct control, includes the commanderies of YUNZHONG, QIXIAN, XIAODIAN


	71. The Coalition Against Morons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Coalition against rebels plans to fight...  
> ...and Iroh shows off some of his skills.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Seven:

“Imperial Commander Song!” exclaimed the Coalition Leader from his coalition-leading position of a  _ throne _ . He looked more like a King than a commander, but maybe that’s the point. All eyes -including my good one- turned towards the doorway in some kind of dramatic timing straight out of a Pu-On Tim play.  _ For a good reason, if a commander you actually want to see showed up, you’d also be looking at him. Mostly to make sure it isn’t a hallucination from sitting here and inhaling all this nonsense.  _ When these officers and their eyes confirmed that Song was, indeed, a real person, they stood up and bowed to him. Jian got off his throne to bow to him, too. I wasn’t going to get up and bow to him because  _ I just got my foot back, let’s not waste it away on something stupid, right?  _

Song brought his hands up and bowed to various officers specifically. “Jian.” He bowed to the Lieutenant General out of courtesy and the Lieutenant General bowed back. He turned to his left, all the way over, “Ding” and bowed to the naval man. The naval man bowed back, commenting “General Jian, you were missed”.  _ So that’s who you noticed first. Interesting _ . He turned to his right, “Laquan” and he bowed to the Sergeant General, the Gaijin -not to be confused with Gan Jin- bowed back, responding with “General”. Further along to his right, “Longqing” and the long bearded fellow traded a bow with him, “General”. Even further to the right, almost facing Jian, “Hongji” and Song bowed to the Yuci man, “General”. He turned around completely and noted two officials standing next to each other. “Wenshunu,” “General,” “Yijian,” “General,” and finally spotted me sitting outside of this cluster of duck-geese and walked -the crowd parted- over to me. 

He knelt and got into a full kowtow. “Your Majesty, I didn’t know you were present.” and he kowtowed. “Why?” I countered, “You don’t think I fit in here?” and Jian granted me one raised eyebrow. “I imagined Your Majesty would be…” he didn’t want to finish, instead getting up and straightening his robes. “Somewhere more productive?” I asked in jest. Song kept his face towards me to allow a  _ bit  _ of a laugh to leave him. He quickly covered it up with coughing into his hand. All-the-while, the other officers -except Ding- were watching the two of us with wariness and a bit of confusion. Because I wasn’t interested in any mass executions yet, I covered Song’s coverup with “He’s been feeling ill” and covered my  _ own  _ statement up with “This  _ is  _ somewhere more productive, and that’s why I’m here, but it’s not the most productive place I could theoretically be!” I didn’t think they’d buy my claim, but these are also Empire officers, so they happily applauded themselves, quietly, for being somewhere that the Emperor approves they be. Granted, I didn’t say that, I implied that this is  _ a  _ place of productivity. A factory that fits four thousand people  _ is  _ technically productive if only five workers showed up to work. It’s just not the most productive.

General Song took to pacing around the room, thinking of something. The officers pretended to be the tides, sometimes approaching him as if to form an officer blob, sometimes pulling back to give him a couple feet of space. It was really awkward and doubly as fascinating to watch. Most of the officers tried to take turns standing in front of the General, causing everyone to circularly rotate  _ around  _ the General. Nobody could take more than a few  _ miao _ because everyone else was alternating their position. Nobody could just run in front of the General, that was disrespectful, but they could spin around him and hope his gaze turns to them. His gaze didn’t turn to them. This unwritten set of sallies and motions, all designed to assert one’s dominance. All based on standing position. It all looks ridiculous, and that’s because Song isn’t catering to their desires. He’s just looking around like a person. 

I… I buried my head in my hands because… as much as I understood this, I didn’t grow up with this. If I kept looking at it, I would just suffer insanity from watching a formation of officers spinning around like dancers, silent save for the footfalls. Luckily, I wasn’t forced to be alone and endure all this. I heard pitter-pattering, some officer giving a passing comment about a wolf-dog -everyone else was busy orbiting the General as he casually strolled around the room- and before I knew it, I had the face of a auburn-coated wolf-dog in my lap, looking up at me. “Nan!” I yelled, loud enough to grab everyone’s attention.  _ Well, if I said anything I’d grab their attention because I’m the Emperor…  _

I smiled and started petting his ears and head, he looked like he smiled back.  _ Or maybe he just stuck his tongue out, who knows _ . The other officers took to slowly leaving the cyclical orbit of General Song to come over to and stand like stationary statues near I. Nobody was going to  _ dare  _ ask to pet Nan, but they wanted me to watch them watching me to know that when I was having a very personal, happy, moment, I’d have  _ their  _ faces to remember. Thankfully for me, Nan knew what I wanted -or maybe he just likes licking- and he took to licking my face. When I reacted a bit… ‘well I didn’t expect that’, he whimpered in self-apology. “You’re alright, Nan. I’ve just missed you.” I know, I know, he’s only been gone for like three  _ dian _ . That’s forever when dealing with this. He seemed to reciprocate this with a happy whine followed by more licks. My face, my cheeks, my neck, of course my hands, my hands again. I gave him some very grateful chin rubs. I was so distracted by all the petting that I didn’t notice Song pushing his small mob out of his way and strolling over to me.  _ I mean, I did notice it, just a bit late _ . Instead of standing there like an idiot like the rest of him, he brought his hands up to  _ bow  _ to the wolf-dog. 

“A good evening to you, Your Highness!” The other officers,  _ I mean idiots, wait… _ copied their General’s personal act of charity and, as one, brought their hands up to bow to Nan and said “Good evening, Your Highness!” In copying his personal act, they made it something of a bad taste. Not like Nan, who tasted like he just ate  _ quite  _ well. With his personal gratitude completed, Song requested what none of these officers would  _ dare  _ to request, “Would Your Majesty like to join us for the war plan?” I say they would dare to because I’m the Emperor and… something something lots of power. Song, on the other hand, straddles the line between endless formality and practical word-usage. I rubbed Nan’s head with fervor before lifting my own and looking at the General. “Of course I would.  _ Thank you for asking _ .” The General gave a small head bow and waved to someone outside to come inside. I stood up, hand fixated on the cane. Since these officers are more like children than officers, they all turned and faced the person he was waving. 

In walked a man, no, a  _ legend _ , wearing the garb of no nation or people. He wore the clothes of the White Lotus. The white collar guard decorated in the pattern of a lotus flower’s rim of petals, the blue tunic tied together with a white belt, the white arms and dark grey cuffs, the blue boots with two white decorative lines running down the middle before forming the swirl that binds all elemental symbols together, and, of course, a tray with a pitcher and a dozen cups in one hand and a large map in the other.  _ Did I mention he’s quite strong?  _ You don’t become  _ the Dragon of the West  _ without doing at least a few push-ups.

The officers backed  _ up _ . Really far. Almost into the walls of this mobile, built-overnight, stone  _ siheyuan _ . Even the Lieutenant General had to back up. I stood up. This left the middle of the room vacant save General Song, I, Nan -because he follows me around- and now “General Iroh” and I offered him a small bow.  _ Sure, it’s technically illegal or wrong for the Emperor to bow to anyone, but this isn’t just anyone, is it?  _ Everyone else noted this irregularity and fell into a deeper one. Except Song. He gave the same one as I. Iroh bowed to everyone in the room at the same time before asking “Does anyone have a table around here?” and the still numb Jian raised his voice “Servants! A table!” and tapped the ground,  _ loudly _ , with his boot. The Dragon of the West took to turning towards the Protector of the Boshan Plains and  _ quietly  _ said “Is there a need for a raised voice? When the loudest voices are tired, the quiet ones will be able to speak.” That silenced Jian.  _ General Iroh, master of scalding and master of scolding.  _

A table was brought out and it was to the two servants who carried it that Iroh -after placing the tray down on it- offered two cups of tea. He poured the tea and handed it to the man and woman. “Your….Your Highness… we’re just servants” and the man dipped his head forward in defeat. “By the time the Sun rises, you’ll have done more work than anyone else.” Because these officers are as ambitious as they are fools, one of them took to saying “General! We haven’t done any work yet!”. Both Song and Iroh patted their stomachs in mutual appreciation of that comment before mutually laughing. “You have proved your point” the Aged General remarked, smiling. The Dragon of the West was too polite to give any further remarks. Instead, he pushed the cups of tea into the servants’ hands and they slowly sipped it. The two had this look of hunger, as if such a gesture was never done before and now that it was, they wanted more. A very unnatural look for a pair of servants, as servants are supposed to have no face at all. 

In the meantime, elsewhere on the table, Song unfurled the map and pulled four small blocks of stone out. He placed them on the four corners of the map as paperweights. When the woman finished drinking her tea, Iroh grabbed the pitcher of tea and held it just off the table. “You look like you need another.” The woman was...unsure of how to progress. Her eyes told one story, her mouth told another. “No, thank you, Your Highness.” “Really?” he questioned in a tone that was rare to hear from him, “I’ve found tea to be the finest of rewards for everything from as simple as carrying a table to blowing a hole in an impregnable wall.” The servant maintained her… servitude, I guess…  _ obedience? _ ... and rejected the offer again. Iroh’s closing remark to her was “Shall you desire a cup of tea, return! You’re always welcome at the Jasmine Dragon!” “Thank you, Your Highness. Your Highness is too gracious.” and the two servants departed. Iroh looked like he was going to crack up from this, but withheld himself when Song pointed at a wall. So his face snapped over to one of more serious prospects and he overlooked the map. 

I joined him at his side, Nan joined my foot at my side, and the Sergeant Generals and Senior Colonels formed up, trying to figure out who goes where. First I had the Jinzhonger Wenshunu at my side, then the Yuci-born Hongji, then some officer whose name I didn’t know, then another one of those, then  _ another  _ one of those, only for Song to put his hand down on the table, “Enough!” and everyone paused where they were walking. I recognized that the rest of the table was populated by the General’s Club, or: if you have a General in your title, you get to actually see the map instead of looking over someone’s shoulder. By virtue of...I guess the Spirits, or maybe because he happened to be walking by, Ding ended up next to me. I wasn’t about to act my age and comment “That’s a nice piece of clothing”, even though it was.  _ I can’t help it, I like the naval uniforms. Sleek and practical while exuding power through it’s green coloring but not too fancy, since the green is a darker hue akin to the Imperial Standard. A darker hue that fits for the open oceans.  _ Because Jian can’t take so much as a single step without having five other men shadow him, he got to stand surrounded by his bodyguards.  _ But, since all the bodyguards aren’t part of the General’s Club, they’ve got to stand behind him in the second row _ . Or...I thought as much. Nope. Aside from Song, Iroh and I, six Sergeant Generals and all five of Jian’s bodyguards,  _ and  _ Jian, formed the first row of people. All five.  _ Why? _

“Lieutenant General, do  _ all  _ your subordinates need to take up space at the table?” I asked while resting on my cane. “Your Majesty, they are the leaders of the flanks. They’ll be leading them in the oncoming fight.” I looked at said ‘leaders’ over. I only remember their names because they took half a  _ geng  _ to tell their stories. Or… that’s what it felt like. It was probably more like half a day.  _ You really need all five of your personal bodyguards to… wait a miao _ … “Aren’t there Sergeant Generals here? Six of them, in fact?” and I looked at the six of them, in fact. The Lieutenant General held out his hand as if serving me dinner, when in fact he was just gesturing to the best-dressed of the bunch. “My officers are quite capable of leading their flanks. As per our coalition, other officers will fall under their command.”  _ What, are you feeding him words, Wang? _

__ The other officers, especially Ding, took offense at this comment. One of the Sergeant Generals commented, less offensive than it sounds, “I didn’t earn my promotion to be commanded by, what, a  _ Major _ , that’s what Brother Zhihong is, right?” Said Zhihong took some breaths to help expand his chest, as if this was some kind of muscle-measuring contest. Jian  _ pointed  _ at him, in an accusatory tone, and declared “And Zhihong is fivefold a better commander than you, Yijian!” Yijian crossed his arms. “Zhihong leads a force fivefold  _ smaller _ , you mean. Eleven thousand braves and their mounts aren’t going to follow  _ him _ .” Jian’s personal Officer of the Vanguard produced… his fist… and held it towards the Sergeant General of Pingding. “You want to see who they’ll lead? I’ll break your head in two!” but the insult-fest was quickly stopped by General Song taking  _ his  _ fist and hammering the table. The sound stopped the two and even Song’s courtliness had it’s limits. “Do you two want to keep measuring your  _ jians  _ or do you want to take counsel from the  _ one  _ living person who broke through  _ that  _ wall!” and he pointed at Jian’s throne. For behind his throne, in that direction, a  _ dian  _ by ostrich horse, was the Outer Wall. He then backed away and gave Iroh -who had remained silent during the exchange earlier, watching the bickering officers prove their incompetence- the space to speak.  _ I imagine it’s something of a comedy for him.  _ If his little smile could speak, it’d probably say  _ ‘If these men defended the Outer Wall, I’d have broken through a year earlier’.  _

“To know one’s enemies is victory before battle has even begun.” such was Iroh’s simple statement. He then took some of the discs -brought out by one of Song’s retinue- and placed them about on the enhanced map of Ba Sing Se. As the city was too large for one map, let alone a detailed one such as this, we were only afforded a small section of the wall, a small spit of land that represented Shigusi, and the rest of the map being the commandery of Fancun. With the aforementioned maluses, we gained some positives. The massive Agrarian Zone commandery, Fancun was to the level of clarity that every single  _ major  _ road leading from town to town and across the commandery was visible. There were far too many farm-roads to lay out on this map. Small dots represented villages. The only important information, the towns and major geographical features like rivers, were observable.

The largest of the towns was Laiyuan. Or rather, the one directly to our east and halfway between the Wall and the capital of Fancun,  _ get this _ , the small city of Fancun. Unlike my peers, who seemed more interested in growling at one another like wolf-dogs,  _ actually that’s an insult, Nan was lying at my side, peaceful and tame _ , growling at one another like savages, I watched Iroh’s every finger motion as he manually pushed tiles around with his opponent turned companion, General Song. They were doing something more important than arguing the strength of their forces. 

As Song explained, “We’re setting the stage.” As Iroh added, “A thousand victories are decided by one man’s choice in a room such as this, Your Majesty.”  _ A thousand victories?  _ “Don’t you mean a war, General?” and I rested on my cane again. Only after asking did I record -mentally- the side chatter of some of the other Sergeant Generals. “Does a war take a thousand victories, Your Majesty?” Iroh asked. “It doesn’t have to.” Changing his tone to sound  _ much  _ less serious, he wagged his finger at me. “Exactly! But a total victory today is an elimination of one’s opposition, tomorrow! Of course-” he chuckled, “-a total victory is nearly impossible. Despite existing since time began, the Avatar has never brought a peace long enough to last forever. As such, it is the Avatar’s job to ensure his successor has as little conflict in the world as possible. So too is it our job, as commanders, to ensure that there's as little conflict in the future as possible.”  _ I...have no idea what you just said. But I also understand what you said. You can’t truly destroy your enemies forever, but you can cut down on the number of them _ .  _ Each battle leads to the next, so by ensuring a decisive victory today, you’ve won a thousand battles in the future. _

“General, you remind me of me. The Empire-” but then Song gave a very loud cough. This caused Iroh and I both to look at him and ask of his status. He smacked his own chest and “Apologies, Your Majesty. I caught a cold while on the hunt.” I restarted what I was saying earlier. “General Iroh, you remind me of myself. Many times in ruling the Empire do I find-” but again, I was cut off by Song’s coughing. We didn’t ask him again, he seemed to recover just as quickly. As soon as he recovered, he grimly asked “Your Majesty, may I request a moment with you? I have news that only concerns Your Majesty’s ears.” I didn’t understand what he was going for or why he waited until now, but I followed him -cane by leg by cane- out of the tent. As I left, I turned around and pointed at the table. “Generals! Set up your forces! Get a draft of a siege plan in the works!” and all the officers yelled “Yes, Your Majesty!”  _ Good. Get to it. I want progress.  _ Now… onto this man’s sudden illness.

Once we had gotten some forty-odd feet away from the tents, Song spun around and offered a kowtow.  _ Well that’s nice of you _ . “What did you want, General?” Instead of responding immediately, he moved to the side to whisper to me. “I know Your Majesty loves a conversation or two, but in my opinion, Iroh is  _ not  _ in the Empire. It is  _ not  _ his business to know of our affairs, our trials, or our tribulations.”  _ Oh?  _ “Then why is he here?” I counter whispered. “How many people have actually besieged Ba Sing Se and succeeded?” Instead of answering the question in my head, I read out the names. “Well...Iroh is one. Azula, by proxy, was supreme commander of the Second Siege. But then she took her two Generals and tossed them into a really,  _ really  _ stupid race. Also...the drillmaster technically besieged the city. She was off burning the Palace Grounds with a fire breathing dragon.” “Your Majesty, Azula is far from Ba Sing Se, no? And the two Generals are, respectively, a pile of ash and a decapitated corpse. And the drillmaster was probably killed by one or two rampaging earthbenders when they attacked the drill proper.”  _ I… Azula isn’t far from Ba Sing Se. Wait… that means… you don’t know. You don’t know she’s here. But she’s inside the walls _ .  _ Wait a miao, walls _ … “Why don’t we just go inside the Walls somewhere else and flank the rebels?” 

“That’s for inside, Your Majesty. But…” he paused to check our surroundings, “I hope, for the Empire’s sake, Your Majesty internalized the truth that while Iroh may be an ally today, he is not of the Empire.”  _ I… yeah… I guess that’s true. I mean, I don’t tell the Avatar my plans, why tell him? He’s leading his own military force _ . “So… why call me out here?” Song’s voice became much deeper. “Your Majesty was revealing your thoughts to him. He is  _ not  _ of the Empire. He is  _ not  _ to learn that the Emperor is in doubt of his own regime. Got it?” that temporarily stunned me. I nodded. “I’m sick, Your Majesty.”  _ No, you’re… no, no, of course.  _ “Yes, you are.” With that in mind, I followed Song back. He walked quite slowly, acting more his age than usual. 

“And so, if we bring fifty thousand down from the north and the ten thousand mounted braves of Yijian on a wider envelopment from the south, by the time Lieutenant General Jian’s forces arrive at Fancun, the main force of rebels will be surrounded and trapped.” and Iroh pushed the tiles around to form what amounted to three gigantic prongs on the local map. Amazingly, the prongs were of different sizes. The northern one was the largest, the southern was the thinnest and the middle looked like the northern one in terms of number of discs, but was stunted in length. As I had just arrived -and the crowd parted for me in time to see Iroh’s motions- I missed the prelude to this statement. 

I didn’t miss the commentary as a dozen voices proudly voiced their disagreement with Iroh’s remarks at once. Everything from “If we seperate we’ll be crushed” to “Why not throw everything we have at them” to “I won’t march into battle with-” and then some officer’s name. Because I’m dealing with  _ these people _ , I raised my voice to drown out the rest of them -and cause more problems, undoubtedly- at the same time. “ _ Why  _ was your proposal, General Iroh?”  _ Not ‘what’, I just heard it. Exposition wastes time _ .  _ But why? Maybe I missed the ‘why’, maybe Iroh talks in strange form and neglects critical information, who knows. I’ve never been under his command.  _ In raising my voice, I earned Nan’s licking approval. Nan likes it when I’m assertive even beyond my sensibilities because… I don’t know, he’s a wolf-dog and wolf-dogs like leaders. 

“If we split the army, Your Majesty, we will be able to hit three places at once.” Song nodded along. Iroh continued. “Your Majesty, the peasant rebels, being peasants, are unorganized. And rebels tend to be more a collection of raiders than a unified military force. After all, even in army deserter-formed rebellions, the rebels are too busy killing their own officers or anyone who  _ could  _ command them. So a three-way strike would be too much for them.”  _ No, no I get that. Rebels aren’t the wisest bunch _ . I felt as though I needed to really confirm what I meant since redundancy, as nice as it might be for all  _ these officers who already know all this _ , is useless. “But why fifty thousand from the north? And ten thousand from the south? And Jian, and, what, his forty thousand in the center?” Song held his finger up, waited for everyone to patiently be quite  _ including you, officers _ , to let the old man explain. “Because we’re going to send the northern force in first. The rebels will think  _ that _ ’s the main force and will either form up against them or retreat. If they retreat, then the ten thousand from the south will catch them off-guard.” 

One of the Sergeant Generals demonstrated that he was, in fact, an officer. “Why not send in a proper feint force, General?” The General -not Iroh, he was grabbing more tea and boiling in in front of us with his  _ breath _ \- took to responding as assertively formally as possible. “Do you suggest I deliberately send a force that’ll get itself killed?” The Sergeant General shook his head. “No, General.” Iroh nodded and put his cup down. “Very well, then.” he then turned to me and bowed. “What does Your Majesty think of this?” 

“I’m just a teenager, General. All of you have far more experience.” That wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t a lie. Everyone offered their gratitudes and forced admissions of humility because being noted for competence by the Emperor is a reward unto itself. And loyalty to the Badgermole Throne is big, whether genuine or not. Probably because of my statement, General Song pressed on in the politest way possible. “Your Majesty has more experience than  _ many thirty year olds _ .” I think the other officers missed that, but the less...childish ones, like Ding and some of the lower-ranked officers smiled.  _ Fine. Fine. I’ve got experience. I’ve got experience. Think. What’s all the reading in the Archives for if not for usage? And sure I’ve done this before but attacking your own city’s not the same as some small town somewhere. In fact, nothing’s the same as Ba Sing Se. Nothing compares _ .

“Do we know the gates are under our control?” and I pointed at the one that the ‘middle’ army was expected to pass through. “They should be, Your Majesty. And if they aren’t, we have siege engines.” and he gestured to the Dragon of the West who was in the process of, no, not besieging a city, but handing out cups of tea. He had the face of someone who was both uninvolved with the discussion and was completely clued in, for the moment Song left his sentence off, almost expecting someone more experienced in picking up, Iroh continued it. “If I had earthbenders then, I’d have taken the wall in a night!”  _ Sorry Iroh, not the best place to joke about all this _ . Song regained control of the conversation, opting to avoid tainting the night with comments in poor taste. 

“Lieutenant General, you have artillery with you, yes?” Jian looked to his side. “Brother Ying has the full report. Brother Ying?” The member of the Line of Kui was better dressed than the Lieutenant General, the Imperial Commander and the Grand Lotus, combined. He stepped even further forward because he _needs_ to reinforce his attention-grabbing, I guess. “Seventy pieces, Your Majesty. A Colonel, He Feng, to command it.” _Hm. Good._ “And where are those seventy pieces?” I asked, trying to hold back from giggling from Nan’s newfound interest in licking my foot. _I know, I know, you missed my foot, too._ “Currently, Your Majesty?” _No, yesterday._ “Yes, right now.” “Sitting just to our east, Your Majesty.” I sipped a cup of water. _Sitting just to our…_ “Why are they to our east? Don’t…” _I can’t believe this_ , “Don’t we want to _surprise_ the enemy?” The Officer of the Center of Jian’s forces laughed. “Of course, Your Majesty! That’s why we have artillery posted along the entire front up and down Shigusi!” _What?_

I wasn’t the only one to turn towards him and go “ _ What _ ?”. Suddenly, two old men and their looks of disappointment were cast down on him. “You…” but Song held his tongue. Iroh drank his tea, ever so slightly shaking from the probable urge to… do whatever he used to do to his officers to discipline them… I don’t know. I didn’t hold my tongue. “By whose permission?” was all I felt like I wanted to ask. Jian hand waved his subordinate to back off a bit, since discussing grandiose military maneuvers was probably Jian’s thing.  _ Or… not. He’s Jian _ . 

“Every commandery up here has at least fifty artillery pieces assigned to it. So...preceding Your Majesty’s arrival, I had all artillery pieces relocate to be within range of the Outer Wall.”  _ I…  _ I pinched the bridge of my nose.  _ You… you spurned our offensive capabilities. Now, if the rebels have even a single functioning eye they’ll see where we are and where we aren’t _ . “By  _ whose  _ permission?” “My own, Your Majesty. As Lieutenant Gen-” “Stop!” I shouted, breaking my formal tone. “Stop talking! Just stop saying things with your mouth!” I shouldn’t have said that.  _ I shouldn’t have said that _ . Before I knew it, someone’s hand, calloused from years of military service, was presenting a cup of tea to me. “Your Majesty.” General Iroh said it so nicely, trying to press the tea into my hand. I took it and downed it.

A few  _ fen  _ of  _ calm _ ing tea later, my mind returned to the realm of the calm. “The sooner we dispatch the orders, General, the sooner we can begin the assault!”  _ That’s… Jian’s voice _ . I blinked my good eye and my voice somewhat slurred from how relaxing this tea was, “What’s the orders?” Song looked at me with a serious face, Jian almost appeared…  _ excited? _ ... I don’t really know how to put it aside from  _ that _ .  _ Excited _ . Song didn’t let Jian’s excitement win over. “We’ve all agreed that a three-pronged assault is a good idea, Your Majesty.”  _ I… I don’t really see, don’t make the joke, a problem with that. Sure, three prongs. Makes sense. Rebels are about as competent as the Imperial Army. Then why do I feel like I disagree with something? Am I turning into the current Fire Lord? The Angst Lord? No. It’s the details _ .  _ Details are important. Details _ .

“What’s the details of this… assault plan?”  _ Why did you stutter? Why not.  _ Song took charge of giving me a response since it seems like everyone else is busy being asleep or pretending to be asleep or making more tea. “We will divide up the forces, Your Majesty. We intend to send most of the Western Boshan forces north, fifty thousand with a few thousand in reserve, to either pull the rebel force into a pitched battle or scare them into fleeing south. And if they choose to stand and fight in Laiyuan or Fancun, we’ll surround them.” Out of nowhere, that is, I didn’t expect it, came Iroh’s voice. His confident voice of confidence. “I based it on the three jings, Your Majesty! If the rebels are offensive, the Imperial Army will be defensive and win. If the rebels flee, the Imperial Army will chase them down and win. If the rebels stand and fight, the Imperial Army will defeat them, technologically and numerically!”  _ Right right, of course. You base everything on spiritual lessons or the bending arts or what have us. It doesn’t make you unique, just because someone’s in a stance doesn’t mean they’re an earthbender, but the creation of so many plans, all based on how you think the enemy would act, is why you’re unique. The jings are just a simplified way of explaining it. It’s why you handed all of our generals back to us in urns.  _

With all his... _well-experienced_...knowledge consumed by my good eye, or something metaphorical like that, I still had a question to ask. Because platitudes and _jings_ are nice but I’m not a master platitude-bender. “Why do we believe that-” _no, no, don’t say ‘why do we believe that our forces will succeed?’ You’ve heard of the enemy sabotaging morale but sabotaging your own morale? Cut out the enemy, save them the trouble of mustering_. Even if I stopped myself from speaking, I still opened my mouth to begin with. _Good idea._ _Truly_. Because I still spoke, and I’m still the Emperor, and everything’s still in reality, and I’m still me, others who aren’t me looked to me for guidance. And also because I said something and suddenly came to a halt. “Is Your Majesty alright?” the naval officer asked. _Quick. Fake a mumble or something_. So I mumbled an “I’m fine” like the drowsy man that I was, or maybe wasn’t, _or maybe…_ , and earned lots of concerned statements that weren’t rehearsed _at all_ and one or two genuine ones. I reinforced my not-mumbleness by grabbing the table and pressing myself off it so I stood upright and rested on my cane. Distracted by my act of me-ness, I could find a _new_ angle to approach all these rockheaded men from. 

“So where’s the complicated battle plan?” I looked around, feverishly, for a complicated battle plan. Song chuckled. “There is none, Your Majesty. Not every assault requires an overly complicated battle plan. If Your Majesty wishes to make any adjustments-” he changed his voice “-we are all Your Majesty’s servants!”  _ That’s nice of you all _ .  _ And… really? No complicated battle plan? The northern army marches south and either routs the rebels or surrounds them. The southern army rides north and either catches the rebels off guard or joins the surrounding maneuver. We… march east and hit the rebels. The fast southerners… oh, that’s a question.  _

“General Song, is the southern force going to be composed entirely of riders? And if they are, wouldn’t they be better used as a force that sweeps across the entire commandery once completing their primary objective?” General Song downed a cup of tea that, like the Dai Li, seemingly appeared from nothing.  _ Ignore the tray next to him.  _ He tipped the small cup back and drank the tea. “That’s the plan, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh. Yeah… no wonder you’re an Imperial Commander.  _ I  _ slowly  _ examined my palm, and once I concluded that it would do well at its purpose, slapped my face with it.  _ You i-d-i-o-t _ . “Let me guess, the central force will be the hammer for the anvil that is the northern force?” Song was quite quick in his simple reply of “That’s the idea, Your Majesty.” He was quite passionate, too. I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a very loud groan. Very loud. 

“Your Majesty reminds me of my nephew. He also slaps his face.”  _ I…  _ I slapped my face again. All the slapping attracted the voice of none other than the Dragon of the West. I couldn’t believe how stupid I felt for asking,  _ but I’m so, so, curious _ , “How did your-” I made sure to copy his accent, “- _ nephew _ learn to stop slapping his face?” “When he met Her Highness, Lady Mai, of course, Your Majesty.”  _ Of course _ . Because I didn’t get it, I asked a similar question. “Then what is your suggestion, General?” He rubbed his stomach. “It is no suggestion of mine. Honest love is like a tree. Water it, let it grow, and it can produce something so strong it can last generations.” “I…” I didn’t really know what to say. “Would Your Majesty like to sit down with me outside and have some tea?” he offered with a smile.  _ I…  _ “Yes, General. Yes I would.” Iroh gave me that  _ smile _ , bowed to his companion and once foe, and walked out the  _ siheyuan _ . I hobbled along the side of the table and halted when I got to Song. “Yes, Your Majesty?” and he fell into a kowtow without even requesting it. “Anything you want to plan,”  _ Dramatic pause _ . “I will make it so. Just...be sensible. If you wish to deploy the troops tonight, allow me to read the papers and I’ll give it the seal.” “As Your Majesty commands” and Song fell into a kowtow. When he rose again, he whispered “Remember Your Majesty’s friends and allegiances.”  _ Friends and… Iroh. The White Lotus _ . “I will.” Then he kowtowed again and I left.

Iroh and I walked nearly side-by-side over to my personal carriage. Nan raced after me and took to strolling along my right, his head constantly switching from looking up at me -tongue wagging- to looking around. On the way, the few soldiers assigned to the nights’ shifts dropped into kowtows and “Your Majesty”s. They didn’t know how to bow to the Grand Lotus, and since I’m me, they didn’t bow to him because they were busy slamming their foreheads into the upturned soil we were treading upon. 

As we neared the carriage, I spotted Kotyan and his small warband. He was drilling them in line-formations. Namely, standing as a group, together, without any spaces between them. The fifteen of them, not counting Kotyan, were  _ not  _ dressed for this weather. Heavy furs aren’t the best choice in steppe country when the temperature’s mild outside. One of them pointed me out, Kotyan turned around, and  _ didn’t  _ fall into a kowtow. “Hayashi!” he called out to me. Then the fifteen others  _ also  _ yelled “Chief Hayashi!” like that was their version of ‘Your Majesty’. He walked over to the two of us and looked quite happy. “I’m glad to see you don’t need crutches.”  _ I’m glad to see I don’t need them, either _ . As is customary, I told him “Not until my next battle.” Iroh didn’t get the joke, Kotyan did. “How’s their training going?” I asked. “They have an idea of how to form into a line,” he moved out of the way, and I looked over at the line of men who seemed like they were in a line. Not really stiff-backed, but they were  _ almost  _ there. If ‘standing in a line’ counts people with improper foot placement, then they’re in a line.  _ This is the Empire.  _ “How long will it take to train them?” Kotyan felt his braided beard and thought about it for a  _ miao  _ or two. “Weeks? Fighters don’t always make for good disciplined men. Disciplined men don’t make for the best fighters.” 

Iroh added that “My brother… was an excellent fighter, but that didn’t make him a good ruler.” Reminded that Iroh was standing here, I gave a slight head bow to Kotyan, “I must go, I have tea to get to!” and I walked off to the carriage. But Kotyan gave chase, ran up to my side, and asked. “Do you want me to go observe what’s happening in the Tent of Humility?” “Tent of Humility? What’s-  _ oh _ .”  _ Yes, oh _ . “If you’d like.” “As you wish” and he jogged back to his personal bodyguards while I strode into the carriage and earned yet more kowtows. Since the dining ‘hall’, well room, is just inside the main doorway, I didn’t have far to walk to get to my seat. And because Iroh is famous for his tea and has been acting as our personal tea-maker since… whenever we left the Xiongnu Wall, the attendants knew to bring out the proper utensils for making tea. 

“Your Majesty, do you know the story of the First Earth King?” he asked while putting one of his hands on the tea-pitcher and boiling it.  _ Do I? Of course I do _ .  _ I once told Toph it _ . “Huang was a peasant, impressed a noble with his charisma, then led a peasant rebellion against a tyrant, dueled the tyrant, and became the first Earth King.”  _ He also picked up a wife and a badgermole along the way, but that’s the shorthand. Peasant leader.  _ “Where did Your Majesty learn that story?” he wondered, curious in tone.  _ Where did I learn it?  _ “The Imperial Archives.”  _ Okay, you don’t need to have all your confidence melt away because you don’t know if that’s where you learned it or not _ .  _ But where else could I have learned it? A tavern? Are tavern goers that intelligent? No, that’s the wrong question. Are they that sober? _

Iroh smiled and didn’t let me stay distracted for long. “It’s okay. All of us pick up our stories from everywhere. Does Your Majesty know the story of the Second Earth King?”  _ Do I? I think I do. Wait, no, I do.  _ “The Second Earth King was a tyrant who caused a peasant rebellion that overthrew him.” Iroh took his hand off the boiling water and at that signal, an attendant came over bearing rolled up tea leaves. “That’s right, Your Majesty. Does Your Majesty know what that story shows?” and after hearing some loud cheering coming from the  _ siheyuan _ , I looked over at the doorway.  _ Wait, you’re supposed to answer his question!  _ So I thought. And thought. And inhaled a scent whose name I couldn’t place but I recognized from the Imperial Palace.  _ The story shows the Second Earth King was a bad ruler? He didn’t understand what the peasantry wanted? He regressed into the exact thing his father seeked to uproot? Decadance was his undoing?  _ Credit to him, he didn’t cut me off, instead letting me think and think until I felt done.

“He was a bad ruler,” my short and simple response, and I looked at Iroh while he examined the tea leaves. He heard my answer and returned my look. “He was, Your Majesty. But  _ why  _ was he a bad ruler?” “Because… he was a despot?”  _ That’s circular reasoning _ .  _ Also, good job staggering in the face of the Dragon of the West. _ “Because he was a  _ warrior  _ first, Your Majesty.”  _ Right. _ This, this I knew. “And warriors don’t make good monarchs.” “That’s right, Your Majesty!” and Iroh took to grabbing two cups and placing them down, one next to me, one next to him. “ _ Why  _ do warriors not make good monarchs, Your Majesty?”  _ This. This I know. It’s important to study the past to absorb it’s lessons _ . “Because...you can’t just lob off the heads of everyone you don’t like.” I decided to further this as if to double down on why warriors aren’t good monarchs by listing the traits of what the Archivists would call ‘good’ monarchs. “A monarch must be good… I mean learned in all bureaucratic affairs, a monarch… has to solve dilemmas the wisest officials can’t resolve, a monarch has to be involved in administrative matters and be the final decider of such, and a monarch has to have his people’s best interests in heart.” The Dragon of the West smiled. 

“That’s correct, Your Majesty. Thus,  _ why  _ was the Second Earth King a bad monarch?” and Iroh poured me a cup of tea. “Because he was a warrior, and most warriors aren’t good at rulership. Warriors like to fight. Fighting can’t solve all problems. And-” I took the tea and sipped it,  _ mmm, it's good _ , “-ironically, the Second Earth King was overthrown by a man who knew how to rule and how to fight, right?” “That is correct, Your Majesty.” He held his tea up, murmured a quiet prayer that I couldn’t hear, and downed his tea.

“Does Your Majesty know what the strongest force or desire one can have?”  _ The way you phrased that...it’s probably not archery, swordsmanship, earthbending or overwhelming numbers. Because archery can’t kill everything, swords can’t cut through everything, earthbending has its limits, and if overwhelming numbers meant anything, the peasants would rule _ .  _ Wait. Wait.  _

__ “The Avatar?” I impulsively answered. “The Avatar is not unkillable. It’s why he must be protected.”  _ Hmm. If it’s not the Avatar, then maybe it’s a concept that everyone believes.  _ “The search for truth? Don’t we all desire that?” Iroh placed his tea cup back on the table. “That’s a goal that all should have, but that’s not the strongest desire one can have, Your Majesty.” He changed his tone to be less-serious and more… grandfatherly. “Think about it. Not on a grand scale of thousands, but the strongest desire  _ one  _ can have? One person?”  _ But… the people are a force. Wait. ‘One’. I knew it _ .

__

“ _ Love _ .” He smiled. “Love has many names, does it not? Loyalty’s the most popular one in these parts. Does Your Majesty agree?”  _ I…  _ I gave a response without thinking about it. “I suppose.” “I know of Your Majesty’s love of the Earth Empire, and I know of Your Majesty’s loyalty to Her Imperial Majesty.”  _ Yes.  _ I felt my cheeks get warm from the mention of the two, together.  _ Why must I blush from this? Great, now I’m embarrassed. Thanks for embarrassing me, General Iroh _ . He put a teacup down on the table.  _ Oh good, something to drink.  _ I grabbed the refilled teacup and drank it up. Iroh noticed my blushing and… didn’t really try to reassure me to  _ not  _ blush since I guess he likes seeing world leaders get embarrassed by their emotions. He  _ is  _ uncle to Zuko, afterall.

“Your Majesty, may I ask a question?”  _ Finally, something to stop the blushing.  _ “You’ve asked me a bunch so far, go ahead.” He poured another cup of two for the two of us but waited to drink it. “What do you know of the actions that have happened in the Imperial Court in Your Majesty’s absence?”  _ What are you talking about?  _ “What actions?”  _ Did something happen?  _ “Her Imperial Majesty has gone to Court a total of five times in the past few weeks. Instead of Court, she went travelling around the capital, visiting the Lower Ring, visiting land in the northeastern Agrarian Zone, and going to her private beach residence on Laogai Island.”  _ What? I mean… that’s to be expected of Toph. But… what?  _

_ You’re… you’re not in the Empire. How would… Imperial movements are theoretically confidential. It’s not like town criers go crying of it _ .  _ But… her attending Court…  _ “How do you know that?  _ Why  _ do you know that?” “It’s hard not to hear all the crashing gongs and horns.”  _ You’re so… not serious about this. Why?  _ “Okay. So? What’s the matter with her going travelling? And… how do you know how many times she’s been to Court?” He gave me that grandfatherly smile of his. “Word travels, Your Majesty. Rumors fly with messenger hawks. While Her Imperial Majesty was hunting for a fallen meteorite, this uprising began, Your Majesty.”  _ Hunting for a fallen meteorite? Wait… was that what we saw on the border of the Gerse lands? The meteor that… an omen for the rebels. _ I didn’t think for long. “What’s the connection? So T-”  _ title _ , “... Her Imperial Majesty leaves the Imperial Palace, uprisings begin?” 

Iroh changed the subject. He offered me tea and he gave me a five  _ fen  _ lecture on his experiences in teamaking. He told me of a variety of blends he’s invented and recommended a type of tea for almost any ailment. From battle wounds to illness. He told me of how he discovered each type of tea, some courtesy fellow officers, some from experience, some from surrendered generals. Each battle gave him a new lesson in fighting, “And a new lesson in teamaking!”.

After all of this was done, he asked this. “Does Your Majesty think that a monarch should administrate and rule first?”  _ That’s quite easy _ . “Of course. A monarch should be a ruler first, everything else second. It’s why I try to attend Imperial Court as often as I can.” He nodded, toasting the air with his teacup before saying “Then Your Majesty has one of the first steps in being a good monarch.”  _ But…  _ “But I’m not a monarch, General.” “Oh?” he asked with raised eyebrows. “Is Your Majesty not the Earth Emperor?”  _ Nope _ . “I follow Her Imperial Majesty. Her Imperial Majesty is the Earth Empress, the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits and, well, you know the rest.” Iroh softly laughed to himself at that comment. 

“Any who does not say the blood of this continent’s last Avatar does not run through Your Majesty would be ill-read. She too was loyal.” Being compared to Avatar Kyoshi, someone who I wish I could’ve met, made me smile. “Thank you, General” and I toasted the air, the standard Imperial toast. “To Her Imperial Majesty! To the Empire!” Iroh reciprocated, “To Her Imperial Majesty! To the Empire!”, we both gave well-wishes of “Ten Thousand Years!” and drank up. Iroh maneuvered into a less-cheery tone. 

“If Your Majesty thinks administration is important for a monarch, why not go ask Her Imperial Majesty to attend Court?”  _ Hmm?  _ “Why me?” “Everyone else… they must go through so, so many formalities to simply  _ request  _ that Her Imperial Majesty attend Court.”  _ Ha.  _ “And she  _ hates  _ formalities” I said it with a passion.  _ Because it’s true _ . “That’s my point, Your Majesty. Your Majesty has something everyone else doesn’t.” “What’s that? One eye?” and I felt my eyepatch.  _ One eye indeed _ . Iroh laughed. 

“ _ Two  _ things.  _ That _ , and an ability to communicate with Her Imperial Majesty in an informal setting.”  _ That’s not not-true. I do get that privilege. But only because I’m me, tree-man. And only because Toph and I have many of the same interests _ .“So you want me to go talk to Her Imperial Majesty, on your behalf, and ask her to go to Court?”  _ Because that’s what you seem to want.  _ “No, no, no, Your Majesty” he raised his hands as if to protect himself from the ridiculous notion. “A monarch needs advisors, right?, and Your Majesty is one of the best advisors Her Imperial Majesty could get. So, advise!” “What you’re trying to say is you want me to go and… suggest that we attend the Imperial Court?” “Yes, Your Majesty. A wise advisor will ensure the right decisions are made.”  _ Huh. I...guess? It’s not like that wasn’t already my intention. I wanted her to go to Court. I already wanted to advise Toph and I do think it’s in her best interests to attend the Imperial Court _ . I enjoyed the last of this one cup before Nan’s tail slapped my leg and reminded me that I have other places to be. My good eye followed Nan as he pointed his snout at the stone  _ siheyuan  _ out there away from us. He was probably attracted by the loud cheering. 

I stood up, earning Nan’s jumping onto his back legs and lightly pressing his paws against my chest.  _ Yes, yes, you’re the best of boys _ . I gave him a head pat before trying to whistle, failing, and pointing at the door and telling him “We’re going. I want the Imperial Standard to fly above Fancun by...”  _ Standard. Green. White.  _ I came to a sudden halt, turned, and faced the General. “What’s your agenda in all this? No man is without motive.” 

General Iroh bowed. “I seek to enlighten all world leaders, Your Majesty.” “As a tutor?” I questioned, thinking that  _ I already know someone who would fit that role, and who already has. And he's immortal _ . “As a fellow seeker of truth and justice, Your Majesty. The Hundred Year War ended, now is the time for mending wounds, is it not?”  _ There’s no such thing as peace, though _ . I thought to entertain his question. “And you believe Her Imperial Majesty’s lack of… ruling capabilities… is something that needs to be mended?” He offered me a deep, royalty-to-royalty bow. “I do, Your Majesty. And I believe that Your Majesty holds the key to solving it. For  _ love  _ is a powerful tool, especially when powered by a genuine desire for good, such as what Your Majesty has.”  _ I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but… sure. I get it. Talk to Toph, convince her to attend Imperial Court. Love is a bit… oogies, but I don’t need to use that. He’s being metaphorical. _

But before we could get to Toph, or the blanket that’s sitting in this very carriage meant for her, I had to hobble back to the  _ siheyuan  _ to listen to the rest of this war plan. Fortunately for me, I was joined by a Kyoshi Warrior and her very wide-swinging waving of “I’m back!”. Then she ran over to me and my hobbling self. “What’s the matter? You were gone for…” I cut myself off to think of the time.  _ I don’t know, it feels like a longer time than it probably is _ , “...more than no time but less than a lot.” “I was talking to Lady Akna about healing and herbal remedies. I wanted to copy some of her recipes to bring back to the Imperial Palace.” Normally, I’d continue strolling, as I did. But as I took my cane and strode over to the  _ siheyuan _ , Nan running circles around me, Suki approached me from behind. 

She leaned in to whisper to me. “I learned a lot about Jian and the corruption of the Boshan forces.”  _ Tell me something I don’t know, already _ . “Anything to tell me?” “Just that Jian has...had beyond-legal… ‘meetings’ with Lady Akna. Oh, and lots of people being appointed to positions they don’t deserve.”  _ So he’s doing something technically illegal and he’s doing something else questionably illegal. Questionably because appointing family members is hard to prove. Qualifications and Empire don’t always go that well together. Especially among the lower ranks.  _ “Thanks. But either way, we’ve got a battle to go fight.” and I patted her on the shoulder. “You’re not going to be  _ in  _ the battle, right?” she asked, worryingly. Then, before I could say anything, she grabbed me and shook me “You. Do not. Fight. You hear me?” I smiled. “No, but I  _ see  _ you. By the way, don’t you want to cut your hair at some point? It’s growing a bit longer than short. I mean...” “Maybe.” 

At some point before forever but after ‘conveniently just as I returned’, General Song finished with his war-plan war planning. I sat on my stone chair and  _ finally  _ tuned it to whatever they were all saying when the old General walked over to me, kowtowed, and presented me a letter. A  _ letter _ . Nan sniffed it, probably thinking it was dinner, but I called him over to me, “Nan!”, and distracted him with ear scratches. “Suki” and she retrieved the letter for me. She gave a quick ‘are you sure you want to read this while Nan is licking your cheek’ look, I gave her a “You read it” in response, and she took the responsibility of reading it.

“By request of Imperial Commander of the Army of the West-” I cut her off, I didn’t have the patience for listening to  _ more  _ titles. “I get it, it’s Song”, and she understood what I meant. “By request of  _ him _ , the Imperial Campaign to Pacify Fancun-,” I cut her off again. “I get it, our operation”, “Right. The army will be split into three groups. The central one will be led by Lieutenant General Jian, the-” I cut her off once again. “Titles, titles. I don’t care.” “And the northern one will be led by Sergeant General Longqing…” she paused speaking to skim past the titles, “... and the southern one will be led by Sergeant General Yijian.” She scanned the paper, with, get this, her eyes. “Just skip to the military strategy, alright?” and she nodded.

“First, the Northern Corps will come down through Fancun from the north, marching towards the capital of Fancun. The Southern Corps, being entirely comp...comprised of mounted and armored contingents, will swing wide and act as mobile reserve. The Central Corps will march straight for Laiyuan, pacify it, then on to Fancun and besiege it.” When she stopped to catch her breath, I took it to mean she was done. “Well! Do that, then! What’s the complications?”  _ I hope there aren’t complications _ . “Would you-” she fixed herself to sound more formal, “-Your Majesty like to hear the order of battle?”  _ Do I care that much?  _ “No. I trust that the commanders will do their jobs?” I meant that as an exclamation but, sadly, left it off as a question. The commanders  _ looked  _ like they… might do their jobs. 

“General Song?” I asked a real question this time. The man kowtowed, answering me with “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Do you think this plan is sound?” He nodded. “I do, Your Majesty.” “May I join the Army of the, I mean, the Central Corps? As an observer?”  _ That’s an idiotic question _ . “Of course, Your Majesty!” the Lieutenant General exclaimed.  _ Great. Good.  _ “Then…” I drummed my leg with my finger. “Let’s go!” I yelled. The officers cheered “Ten Thousand Years!” while I got up. Then they chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” again. I gave the paper an official  _ seal  _ of approval and it was passed around like a bottle of whiskey in an Air Nomad temple, held but not desecrated, before vanishing into someone’s hands somewhere. With all that in mind, I walked over to the carriage to change for war, gather my provisions, and  _ maybe _ , just  _ maybe _ , offer a prayer to my supreme ancestor. 

Not  _ one  _ fen after I left the  _ siheyuan  _ did I hear a “Ten Thousand Years! Fire!”, followed by gongs and “Ten Thousand Years!” echoing down the line. I was shaken,  _ shook? _ , as, to my absolute horror -and surprise- the line of artillery pieces over  _ there,  _ out by the Outer Wall, let loose a grand volley of shells. The ground shook as artillery pieces’ operators, talented earthbenders, braced against the earth. Somewhere to our north, the sky was lit up like the second Sun as a dozen Wailing Yalings opened up with blood-curdling screeches. The fireworks, hundreds of them, crashed against the mighty Outer Wall. 

“No, you idiot, I did  _ not  _ order a volley!” someone yelled.

_ Well this is getting off to a good start, then _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the assault begins!  
> Again!
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for (Definitely) Qualified Official-Folks, Part Two:  
> -The chapter's title is in referenced to our upcoming opponents.  
> -This is an Iroh heavy chapter. We see his many sides through how he talks to others. He's a friend to the commoners, he's a good teamaker, he's a tested commander, he's a many of many wise sayings...and he's a foreigner with the goal of manipulating all the world leaders towards his agenda. He can be all of these things at once.  
> -I can't possibly overstate the size of the Agrarian Zone. Each of the six commanderies is roughly the same landmass as one of the Great Plains US states. There's no good European comparison, so I'll say that the Agrarian Zone is roughly six Romanias or six Minnesotas. Granted, some commanderies are thinner ('thin') and longer like Laogai. And not all of that is farmland. Laogai's mostly forests and hills.  
> -Recently, I've seen people looking very, very deeply into Avatar's battles and found some... interesting conclusions. "In the Final Agni Kai, Zuko is in a deep stance like an earthbender." Sometimes, people analyze a bit too deeply. Iroh is not a mastermind because he draws from all four bending elements. I made him one because he's good at planning his enemy's maneuvers akin to Sima Yi or Zhuge Liang or Cao Cao.  
> -The Wailing Yalings are still based on Katyushas.
> 
> \- - - - - -  
> Appendix on who's who in Jian's Coalition: Commandery written like THIS, Town written like ' T. of This: ', Name written like {This}. Rank written like (This).  
> Appendix on titles:  
> Col. = Colonel.  
> Sr. Col = Senior Colonel.  
> Sgt. Gen = Sergeant General  
> Lt. Gen = Lieutenant General  
> First number is age, second is number of men brought along.  
> QIXIAN:  
> T. of Qixian:  
> \----Jian of Line of Yuan (Lt. Gen), 28 - 30K! - Protector of Boshan, Head of Coalition  
> \----Zhihong, (Maj.) 40, Jian’s vanguard - - - 2k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Renxian, (Sr. Col) 38, Jian’s left - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Yi, (Sr. Col) 30, Jian’s right - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Ying-Xun of Line of Kui, (Sr. Col) 32, Jian’s center - - - 14k - Wang’s younger brother  
> \----Hui-Yan of Yuan, (Col.) 26, Jian’s rear - - - 4k - Younger cousin to Jian  
> \----Wang of the Line of Kui, 34 - Magistrate of Boshan - Boshan  
> SERPENT'S JUNCTION:  
> T. of Gaijin. {Laquan} (Sgt. Gen), 30 - - - 10k - Defensive  
> BEIXIAO:  
> T. of Wangmiao: {Yali} (Sr. Col) of Line of Tianxiao, 32, - - - 8k  
> T. of Xiajin: {Junshi} (Sr. Col), 38, - - - 7k  
> DATAN:  
> T. of Qingliangian: {Ding} (Sgt. Gen) of Line of Jin, 35, - - - 10k - Commander of the IN BSS's Naval Infantry contingent (basically the Marines)  
> T. of Zaqqiang: {Qingde} (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 6k  
> YUNZHONG:  
> T. of Jinan: Luo (Sr. Col), 27, - - - 8k  
> T. of Zhonggong: Yizhi-Lee (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 5k  
> NIU JU:  
> T. of Ulanqab: Longqing (Sgt. Gen) , 31, 12k  
> T. of Kuinaixi: Lun (Sr. Col), 34, 8k  
> YUCI:  
> T. of Keifeng: Hongji (Sgt. Gen), 29 - - - 10k  
> T. of Jiaozhou: Tugor-Jun (Sr. Col), 27 - - - 9k  
> T. of Yinping: Jiuling (Col.), 25 - - - 4k  
> XIAODIAN:  
> T. of Luliang: Yixing, (Sr. Col) 27 - - - 7k  
> T. of Yulin: Yu-Suogu, (Sr. Col) 30 - - - 5k  
> JINZHONG: Following are mostly riders.  
> T. of Zhumadian: Wenshunu, (Sgt. Gen) 33 - - - 10k - Commander of all Riders  
> T. of Gra: Huai, (Sr. Col) 24 - Gra - - - 8k  
> T. of Pingding: Yijian, (Sgt. Gen) 32 - - - 11k  
> \- - - - - - - - -  
> -PROVINCE OF BOSHAN, Jian's direct control, includes the commanderies of YUNZHONG, QIXIAN, XIAODIAN


	72. The Imperial Army is the Smartest of All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Imperial Campaign Against Fancun begins...  
> ...with lots of booms.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Eight:

After the genius misstep in opening fire on the Outer Wall, the artillery was silenced. It wasn’t for long. Something happened, and “Ten Thousand Years!” was screamed from one end of the Empire to another as all our artillery let loose on the mighty Outer Wall. Again. I didn’t sleep through it since I had woken up only a few  _ geng  _ earlier. But almost everyone else, save, if I have to pick one named person, Suki,  _ was  _ trying to sleep. She couldn’t, though. I was too tired to get up and go tell the officers that I’d have their heads, but I was too awake to go back to sleep. I found myself in the dining room, dressed in my night robes, my hair a mess of long strands. Someone handed me a comb. 

I looked at an attendant like she’d give some sage advice.  _ She didn’t _ . She held onto her seat as the ground kept shaking from the force of a hundred benders rooting their stances and punching stone shells at the Out Wall. Or rather, the quaking was a result of, if I had to guess, the surface-to-air rocks being launched by teams of four or eight since that’s been our conventional artillery for nearly forever.  _ Did it really matter?  _

That nameless attendant, credit to her, probably thought it did matter. I imagine that making any sense of this would help. I wouldn’t know, I didn’t ask her. The carriage might not have been empty, there was a whole retinue of elite soldiers on it with my guarding in mind, but… all those people have to sleep at some point. At night, a skeleton crew of a couple guards, a few pairs of Dai Li, and whoever else that wants to do it guard my private carriage. The large dining carriage was normally staffed by a dozen attendants and servicing twice as many soldiers. During this night there was just myself, my cold tea, some pieces of meat, a hair comb, two attendants, and one dinner-eating Suki. And Nan, resting on the ground by my feet. Suki long ago abandoned any notions of sleeping in favor of ‘waiting this incompetence out’. It was the five of us and we made great conversation.

“How goes the earthball games?” I asked some nameless attendant. “The new season’s just begun… Your Majesty. I… look forward to-”  _ kaboom, _ someone really really wanted to make those rebels holding the wall pay for it,  _ I hope _ , “-attending a game.” I nodded. “What’s your team?” “I’m supporting the locals, the Nanshi Tiger Lions.”  _ I have no idea what that is, but… I’ll take anything over this obnoxious artillery _ . “Interesting, I wish them good fortune in the games.” “Your… Majesty… has an interest in earthball?” and she looked at me with wide-eyed childlike amazement, despite being a twenty year old. “If I had the time, I’d attend a game.” Her face somehow grew even paler, as if hearing the  _ Emperor  _ voicing an interest in the commoner’s sport was a fantasy come true. “No you don’t,” my cousin destroyed her fantasy. “I  _ don’t  _ care, but perhaps after all-”  _ kaboom _ , “-I’d like to see a game once. It’s something people love, so why not partake in it once in a while.” “The Air Nomads loved to partake in fertility festivals-” I immediately cut Suki off. “Thank you, my esteemed cousin.” We were all interrupted by, one, another  _ kaboom _ , and two, a new contender.

“What in the name of the holy Agni is going on out here?” came marching a man who has a self-proclaimed stomach of chi and his long-cuffed red sleepwear.  _ Person six. _ His crimson robes matched a far-distant land, a land where he’d be greeted by deep royalty bows and three-eye-slitted guards. But here, it was just us. He looked at the attendant sitting behind the drinks counter first, the attendant sitting on a chair across the aisle from us second, Suki snacking on a salad third, and me with one hand on the tea cup and one hand scratching the top of my back  _ because it itched _ fourth When he saw me, he immediately brought his hands up to a royalty-to-royalty bow. 

“Your Majesty. What is the meaning of this bombardment?” Other people might take their canes and hobble outside and off to the far-distant yelling men. “I have no idea,” I said, because I’m me. Suki had, previously, asked ‘Why don’t you run out there and stop this?’ and I, one, pointed at my foot, and two, explained that ‘Jian heads this coalition, that’s Jian’s problem.’ “Is the Outer Wall held by rebels?” the man who had previously breached the wall at this spot asked. “I have no idea.” I repeated, having no idea. “Would Your Majesty mind if I go out there and gather intelligence?” the wise old man asked. “General, as much as I appreciate that, you’d agree that just because you have a name doesn’t mean you can command these people, right?” He didn’t get it. “But…” he sounded very un-Iroh, more like a cranky man who was woken by the thunder of war, “...this failure of orders would not stand in the Fire Nation!”. I nodded my head. “It wouldn’t stand in Shirahama, either. But Jian’s going to learn, no?” Iroh  _ really  _ didn’t get it. 

To save us both the trouble of this, a runner -a runner, not a skier, because we’re not in the snow lands- showed up, kneeled and yelled “Report!”. I hand waved him to get up and he took to telling his report. “The rebels took control of the Outer Wall’s gatehouse, so we began shelling them.”  _ Oh?  _ All of us with the capacity to stand in a moment stood in a moment. I stayed sitting. “That answers that,” Iroh said, far more content in tone. I looked the runner in his right eye. “And… have we taken the Wall-”  _ kaboom _ , “-yet?” and the runner was forced to fall over by the shaking and quaking. “G...Ge… General Jian has ordered us to ‘turn every stone into dirt if we must, Yo… Your Majesty.”  _ Hmm _ . I ran my hand over my chin. “Very good then. Carry on.” Before the runner could -  _ get this _ \- run away, I yelled out an additional correction. “Tell Jian to inform me when the Wall is captured!” “Right away, Your Majesty!” and he ran out to the sounds of thunderous quaking and flashes of light.

A few  _ fen  _ later, a completely different man came running in, fell into a kneel, and yelled “Report!”. I waved him up. “An officer accidentally ordered his troops to start launching projectiles at the Empire-controlled Outer Wall. He has been sufficiently punished”. “Does this have anything to do with the gatehouse?” my cousin asked. “The gatehouse was rebels, the rest of the Outer Wall was Imperial. The officer in charge of this is being punished, my lady.” I took both my hands off their previous activities of eating and eating and pointed aggressively Sokka-style at this soldier and his common uniform. I yelled far, far, too loudly for my own ears’ sake. “See! Jian learned!” followed by me looking at Iroh and going “It didn’t stand in the Fire Nation and it didn’t stand here!” Yes, I was being a bit hysterical. Listening to things go boom for a prolonged period of time while suffering from sleep deprivation tends to make people like that. 

I dismissed the runner. “Would Your Majesty mind if I make a cup of tea?” the tea-lover asked. “Go right ahead” I gave him in the most informal of tones. So he took to making tea. I think he said something about tea being great at calming his heart down. Personally, I’m surprised that after three years of contending with Prince Hotman, he needs tea to handle a mere artillery bombardment. You’d think having a spoiled Prince telling his crew to sail to the ends of the world in the hunt for a duck-goose would teach everyone on board how to handle nearly anything. I learn something new everyday, or so it seems. That was only the beginning.  _ That was only the beginning _ .

The first morning, I mounted an ostrich horse clad in bright green barding. It wasn’t my ostrich horse, that girl’s back in the Imperial Stables. I was joined by a bunch of ‘well-rested’ Imperial Guard, Kyoshi Warriors and earth-skating Dai Li. And one wolf-dog who slept on my lap most of the night. Song, too. Alone, without his retinue. And, new to all this, Kotyan and his personal bodyguard running as fast as our ostrich horses trotted. Our personal detachment of riders formed a proper wedge with I just behind the lead rider. I might not be recommended to use my foot to run, but I don’t need two feet to steer an obedient mount.  _ Especially if I’m not going into battle, right?  _ The runners stayed behind the wedge and from what little I saw,  _ I only have one good eye after all _ , they seemed to enjoy running. Fifteen or so men led by their own golden man. 

As we strode through the wide avenue partitioning one side of the camp from the other, a straight road trodden by what looked to be a thousand other mounts before me, soldiers emerged from their tents. Now, to myself, seeing me dressed in my blue Imperial Armor and accompanying helmet with ornate blue plume isn’t that impressive. It’s good armor, it can survive most blows from most things and it’s why I’m not dead, yet. It screams ‘Imperial’ in the most opulent kind of practicality. It  _ works _ , and it looks  _ really, really, really  _ awesome to wear.  _ And it feels even awesome-er to wear _ . But to a soldier, namely the soldiers that were listening to an Imperial Army Sage delivering a sermon of blessings, I and my retinue of gilded men and women were… special. People were yelling “Ten Thousand Years” left and right. The Earth Sage pointed at me with his cane, as ancient as his withered bones, and as a single mass, the mob of men kowtowed. A whole army kowtowing at a passing man and his passing company. 

I appreciate all the well-wishes. Really. I do. But I wasn’t here for well-wishes. “Suki, doesn’t this camp being full of people strike you as odd?” “I wouldn’t know. Maybe find and ask Jian?” I looked around for his mobile Palace. I couldn’t find it, even though it was large enough to be seen from all over. “His stone  _ siheyuan _ is gone.” “Then find someone who looks competent.”  _ That’ll be hard _ . 

I kept on going through the camp until I found a  _ small stone house _ , one with guards stationed outside, and stopped my mount. My bodyguards stopped theirs as the two guards kowtowed, rose at a hand wave, and offered “How can we help Your Majesty?” A small stone house. They were guarding a small stone house. “What’s a small stone house doing here?” “This is the mobile office of Colonel Huai-Yan of the Line of Yuan, Your Majesty.” The sentence meant nothing to me. But… I realized, because everyone here with the family name of Yuan flaunts that they have that family name, I remembered that this was the ‘qualified’ man appointed to Jian’s personal staff corps.  _ Definitely based on merits _ . “Can I speak to him?” “He’s praying to his ancestors, Your Majesty” one of these guards replied. “He doesn’t have time for me?” I asked, my voice getting slightly deeper and slightly more sarcastic. “He’s...praying, Your Majesty. He’d prefer to be left alone,” the second guard added. I made my tone quite serious, quite deep, quite  _ Imperial _ . “I’m speaking to him,  _ now _ .” and the guard I was speaking to shook. “I…ll...get him...Your Majesty.” And this guard ran inside. 

While we waited for this guard to go find his commander, Kotyan arrived at my side with his fellow Xishaners. “Would you like me and my bodyguards to go in there and pluck him out?” One of the Xishaners growled with a face of delight. Like a predator watching his prey.  _ You know, self, bringing along fifteen of these men might not be the smartest strategy. We’ll be travelling across the Agrarian Zone, pacifying rebels, and reminding the locals why being loyal to the Badgermole Throne, a completely Imperial institution, is good. Bringing along the people who create nightmares for Imperials might not be the best idea.  _ My mental monorail of thought crashed into a wall of  _ ‘but they’re also good bodyguards, as you have seen’ _ and I ignored the thought. “No. Stay with me.” Suki gave me a  _ ‘ _ why did that take you fifteen  _ miao  _ longer than you needed to to answer the question _ ’  _ look, I didn’t address it. As Kotyan was in the process of regrouping, I asked “Where’s your sisters?” and he paused his footfalls. “Back at the carriage.” He abstained from adding formal titles because his companions likely still weren’t used to their once-King kowtowing or talking to someone higher than he. “Can they take care of themselves?” “They’ve got the dialect basics and we’ll meet back with them after the campaign.” “You’re assuming the campaign’s only going to take a few days.” and my comment made the entire Imperial Guard force in the retinue break their composure at the same time. Kotyan was right there with them, laughing at such a proposition. ‘A few days! Ha!’. The Kyoshi Warriors and Song gave a few chuckles and the Dai Li retained their stone faces.  _ A few days. Right _ . Then the guards returned from the depths of this small stone house. 

The Colonel walked out with his robe barely tied on. His hair was not in a topknot, it was everywhere else but a topknot. He looked quite sweaty and was panting from…, well as I asked, “I guess that was some intense praying, Colonel.” He tried kowtowing, but his robe fell down and he had to grab it to avoid standing without  _ anything  _ in front of me. How decent of him to walk around with so little. “I wasn’t praying, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh, really?  _ “Then what were you doing?” asked my cousin. “I was having a very good sleep” Then it hit me.  _ The disheveled appearance. The lack of a shirt.  _ “I’ve seen enough Pu-On Tim plays to know where this is going” and I sighed. “Your Majesty means where it  _ went _ ” My cousin pointed out, sarcastically.  _ Thanks, Sukes _ . I rolled my one good eye, because “I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I had all the time you have on your hands, Colonel.” The man acted like his pants -which he wasn’t wearing- had fallen down, and proceeded to tie his sash even more than before.  _ I could sit here all day talking with this pious, oh so pious man _ .  _ I really could _ .

A woman appearing wearing quite little made me want to slap myself in the face. I didn’t, mostly because my helmet’s quite protective. Also because it’s un-Imperial. Not as un-Imperial as this Colonel. “When you’re done sleeping around with the brothel-maids, maybe you’ll get to doing your job?” “I’m the Colonel’s servant, Your Majesty!” the woman vouched. I groaned.  _ Like that’s any better _ . 

“Where’s Jian?” I redirected my one-eyed gaze at this man. “Brother Jian is advancing into Fancun as we speak, Your Majesty. Down this very road.”  _ I’m sorry, what did you say?  _ “He’s... _ advancing _ ? Where was communication with me?” Song rode up to my side, his face suggested he was just as unaware as I.  _ You want to ask, or...no?  _ “Song, did you know about this?” “I thought we’d be leaving this morning, Your Majesty.”  _ Yes, so did I _ . Song, seeing me be as unaware of all this as he was, only made him angrier. “Colonel, what are you doing back here then?” “I’m the Officer of the Rear, General.” Song upscaled his voice to one of elderly-fueled fury. “Get your men out  _ there  _ before I hit you in the rear!” This officer stumbled. “With my  _ dao _ !” and the General drew his  _ dao _ . “ _ Now! _ ” the General yelled. The man began screeching at his men, and I had enough.  _ This is entertaining, and… time wasting _ . “We’re moving out. Men, women, let’s go!” and I snapped my ostrich horse’s reins and rode off. 

The Central Fancun-Shigusi Gate of the Outer Wall was quite far behind us when we caught up to the rear of Army of Lieutenant General Jian. The artillery trucks drove, four wide, on this large road. The maps called it a highway. I didn’t need a map to tell me this led somewhere populated. Sure, we were in Ba Sing Se, but Agrarian Zone roads that lead to the Lower Ring that also happen to be large are large because there’s a town on the way. Or multiple towns. Our fifty man detachment of riders were carrying an obscene proportion of banners to people with something like one in five carrying the Imperial Standard. Our detachment weaved through the trucks, earning shouts of “Ten Thousand Years!” from the men sitting in the backs, and we wormed our way through the army proper. Regimental flags flying side-by-side with the standard Imperial earth coin helped distinguish, for the lowly peasant-soldier, which blob of marching men he was supposed to join up with. I could spend all year writing about the little regiments and their thousand men contingents. Where their supplies are stored,  _ on their persons, or pack ostrich-horse _ , I could write about their weapons, I could write about how the roads -farm roads, mostly- to our north and south were cluttered with columns of infantry and sometimes riders on the flanks. I could write about all the officers pointing their  _ dao  _ upwards and slightly towards me, ordering their men to chant “Ten Thousand Years!” I could  _ even  _ write about one Kyoshi Warrior who rode just behind me remarking about how  _ pretty  _ some of these bearded, topknot, men looked. Or I could write about none of that.  _ Except I already did. So your argument has no point _ . I choose not to write about it. 

The Sun had reached its midpoint for the day when I finally got to the ornate-armored riders bearing standards emblazoned with the characters of ‘Yuan’ for the Yuan Clan. This Jian had  _ hundreds  _ of men in his personal bodyguard. We rode alongside, in the grass and fields, and we were absolutely dwarfed by his column and his standards. I eyed the Lieutenant General in his lavish gold armor. Did he own a helmet? I guess not. He had a golden tie for his topknot, though.  _ Just like his brother, er, half-brother, it seems _ . His personal guard went all surprised when they noticed the fifty or so of us and our bizarre assortment of men, women, Northerners, Southerners and a wolf-dog casually strolling along in the field to their side. Then, being good men that they are, one of them shouted that I had arrived. 

Lots of formalities ensued, including but not limited to: A platoon of his riders extending out to his right flank to ‘cover’ my flanks, a platoon of men with horns and musical instruments,  _ not the fun kind, the military kind _ , playing a different marching tune while on ostrich-horse back and Jian himself  _ slowly  _ riding towards me where for every hundred feet he trots he goes one foot to the right because...I guess making a right turn is illegal because… something something Emperor. Since I didn’t have the time or the patience,  _ we’re in a war here,  _ I made the left turn to ride over to Jian. If he wanted to stop me, he… well he can’t stop me. Instead, because this is the Imperial Army, his personal guard corps panicked. They had to  _ change  _ the formalities and issue new cries of commands since the Emperor was riding  _ into  _ their mess of a mass instead of…  _ what did you expect, me to remained out here in a field? _ . Everyone’s ears suffered for a  _ fen  _ or two while the commands were issued and issued again and soldiers parted for I and my soldiers. 

I reached his side.  _ No, no wait, he reached mine. _ He brought his hands up to bow while on the mount, since I suppose my look of impatience was so visible even a blind earthbending Empress could see it.  _ Remember, don’t actually be upset at him for completely abandoning you in the Imperial Carriage this morning _ . “Lieutenant General, how goes the campaign?” “Quite well, Your Majesty. We’ve encountered a few bands of rebels, and they’ve been systematically crushed. We expect to reach Laiyuan by sundown.” Then he bowed to the east. “By Her Imperial Majesty’s wisdom, may we take the city by dawn,” he professed.  _ City? Toph having wisdom?  _ “Suki?” “Yes?” “Am I drunk?” “No” I noticed that Jian had taken a worried expression at that remark. So I reassured him. 

“I thought I might be inebriated because sometimes I get this ear-blistering headaches-” _good, good, just keep rambling_ , “-and when I get those headaches that’s a sign that I had too much to drink last night-” _keep going, a little more_ _nonsense_ , “-because you know, last night, I might be drinking with the boys-” _not just boys, we’re egalitarian,_ “-young women, too, because I’ve got Kyoshi Warriors in my retinue-” _okay, time for a conclusion_ , “-am I right?” Suki gave a very, very, passionate, over-enunciated, nod. She practically snapped her own head off as she head-bowed so deeply. Everyone else was just confused. Rightfully so. Jian’s men didn’t know what to do, but after some of the Kyoshi Warriors copied their commander’s bowing, the rest of the Imperial Guard and Kyoshi Warriors copied them and before we knew it, everyone was nodding to nothing in particular. People even said “Yes, Your Majesty!”. And they nodded. They nodded at other people’s nodding. Having successfully thrown Jian off my trail once, I could go back to inquiring about matters slightly more important.

“Lieutenant General Jian, what’s your plan for the upcoming siege?” But the Spirits don’t like me getting back to matters that are more important. A rider came riding, yelling “General! Rebel camp ahead! Rebel camp ahead! Vanguard’s halted, waiting for orders!” _Seems like you didn’t notice that the Emperor’s also here. Maybe I should have you executed for… ha. Ha. Ha ha ha._ _Forget it_. What was Jian’s first order? “Form encampment out there on the hill!” 

I’m not Jian, but  _ taking the defensive? With such a massive force? Do we want to let them get entrenched?  _ “Jian, maybe we attack?” but my voice was overshadowed by “Bring up the Siege Artillery!” and his personal guards shouting cheers of approval. Jian then took to speeding up and yelling “Your Majesty! We make for that hill over there!” and pointed at, get this, a hill ‘over there’ out to our northeast. His bodyguard sounded horns, familiar, oh-so-beautiful horns, and he peeled off with a mass of riders. 

Because I’m not Jian, and somehow…  _ I can’t believe I’m saying this _ … I’m actually  _ less  _ impulsive, I turned to my bodyguards. My odd assortment of bodyguards. Suki and her women, Kotyan and his men, Kotyan and his  _ other  _ men, the vaguely relevant Dai Li, and the rotund man with a red  _ dao  _ scabbard and a red bow. I asked my followers for advice. “What are we planning to do?” “You’re in no condition to fight in the vanguard” inputted Suki.  _ You’re not totally wrong. _ “Kotyan!” “Yes?” the once-King replied from next to Suki. “You have a messenger hawk? You remember how to write?” “I don’t have a hawk, but I  _ can  _ write.” “Good, that was just a random question because I’m feeling quite insecure, so… yeah. Just nod along.” Everyone who legally could nod along nodded along. “Got it” Suki, now speaking for Kotyan for some reason, said. “Kotyan, can your men ride ostrich horses?” “They can  _ eat  _ ostrich horses” he stated matter-of-factly. “That’s not an answer, that's a statement.” I stated. So he stated a response. “No.” “Let’s cease this bureaucratic nightmare and-” I snapped my reins and took after Jian and his private army of golden guys, “-go up to the overlook and plan this oncoming waste of shells!”.

This hill that Jian was…  _ setting up his tea table…  _ at, was large and flat topped. His banner brigade was making sure  _ everyone  _ from here to… anywhere important… knew that  _ Jian  _ of the Line of  _ Yuan  _ and his personal guard were occupying this one hill.  _ Surely a genius plan against peasant rebels who can appear from any direction including but not limited to your own army, right? Not that that’s quite important… yet, but it could be. Who knows. Foreshadowing, probably, since this is the Empire _ . Anyways, I and my gaggle caught up to his tea table just in time to watch an attendant pour him a cup of tea. My ostrich horse almost hit him in the face because unlike trucks, there’s no brakes on these headbutting animals. He looked up from his tea and said “Oh, Your Majesty” like this was a casual chattering and not… I don’t know, a social get together. “We’re in the middle of a battle and you’re drinking  _ tea _ ?” “We’re not in the middle of a battle, we’re on the outskirts.”  _ Thank you, Sukes _ . “It is said that tea is optimal for fighting, Your Majesty,” the Lieutenant General explained.  _ Is that why I keep getting stabbed when I fight? I’m not drinking the right tea? Really? Whiskey isn’t good enough?  _ Jokes aside…

“You’re a commanding officer, don’t you have…  _ commands _ ?” He sipped his tea, placed it back down on the table, and waved over one of his personal dozen attendants carrying parchment. He then placed the parchment on the table and started scrawling characters in the kind of exemplar handwriting one would expect from a noble family. “Bring this-” he moved the scroll to the side, “to the head of the Artillery.” and he started writing anew on a new piece of parchment. “What… do you have information I don’t, Lieutenant General?” “It’s not a rebel camp,” he paused to look up at me, then back down at his parchment, “...it’s a rebel  _ army _ , that’s what the next scout told me, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh. _ “Why are we exposing ourselves on a hill far from our forces?” The Aged General inserted his comment into our discussion. “Your Majesty, this  _ is  _ the best place to have an overhead perspective of the ensuing chaos”  _ That’s quite sensible. _ “Fine, I concede. But…”  _ inhale, exhale, _ “why not involve me in this planning?” “Your Majesty, this is my army, I have commanded it as I see fit.” I looked at Song because I  _ needed  _ some old man wisdom right about now. “It is his army, Your Majesty. Just as watching the fields ahead of us would assist us, so too would inquiring about the battle plan.”  _ I… thank you Song. Song, why do you sound far more annoyed than usual? Do you also find being randomly left behind annoying? No?  _

I dismounted my ostrich horse, with the assistance of Suki, took my cane, and hobbled up to a makeshift railing built before I got there. I looked east. The hill we were on? Twenty stories tall, probably, with low grassy ascents in all directions. _Far_ to the east sat a large cluster of houses, most of which appeared to be smoldering. _So that’s the town of Laiyuan_. “Jian, is that Laiyuan to the east?” “It is, Your Majesty.” _So it is_. Between us and… let’s call it an outskirt village of Laiyuan, a _large camp_ was built. _Right, so… scout… you’re so getting axed. Or rather dao’d._ _Maybe jian’d_. _Jian’d has multiple meanings_. _I’m not referring to throwing you a feast_. That camp was strategically located with a river to it’s north and a village to it’s direct east. The camp was nothing special, palisades, furniture cobbled together to form barricades, a few earth walls here and there. I had no idea how far away it truly was, I have one eye after all, but I was able to distinguish between the vanguard of Jian’s army -now forming a wide line- and the camp. The camp, or possibly the village, began tolling it’s bell from the bell tower. “What’s your plan, Jian?” The man continued his campaign of tea-drinking. He spoke up while I continued my look eastwards. “My vanguard’s going to hold back, my right and left wings will envelop, my artillery’s going to bombard, and my center mass of men are going to be the final hammerfall, Your Majesty.” I looked at Song for advice yet again while the two of us rested on this railing.

“Your Majesty, most battles tend to be fought in this manner. While Your Majesty may have a preference for charismatic offensives, most officers prefer to find the nearest tactical highpoint and use it.”  _ Song… why do you sound so… unlike yourself? _ “What’s with the lying? I’m not, well, the woman I have a fur blanket to deliver to like some kind of long winded package delivery service, but I’m not  _ that  _ inebriated, as of yet.” He changed from his not-Song tone as he knelt and got close to me. “Jian’s a  _ bit  _ of a coward.”  _ Right… right, of course _ . So I counter-whispered “And?” and he countered, whispering, “I’ve seen officers sitting in forts during sallies, I’ve seen officers in the second or third wave. There are many generals who lead from the back, but the ones that do don’t sound so indecisive and sensative.”  _ Okay, so I’m sitting on a hill with a coward _ . 

Correction, I didn’t understand. “I don’t understand, does he hold back too much or something?” then I felt my eyepatch, “ _ I’m the One-Eyed Badgermole, he can’t flee from me. _ ” “He’s… not overly qualified. So he does this instead.” Of course, Song was referring to Jian pouring tea for all his bodyguards while he scribbled some words on a document. “I’ll sort this out” I thought out loud, well quiet, but still loud. “Careful, this is Ba Sing Se,” he tried to remind me. I needed that reminder.  _ I’ll try _ .

“Brother Ying! Bring the center up, ensure our skirmishers hit them first!” and Song, Suki, the rest of those unnamed bodyguards of mine who all do great jobs, and Nan because why not, watched a man dressed like he was about to go to a dance mount an ostrich horse with a human foot-stool, because I guess we can’t see the fancy dress, and ride off. He got his own personal escort and… was leaving.  _ You know, I think I missed the ‘Lieutenant General Jian talks with his five friends save one because that guy’s busy sleeping on a woman somewhere’ scene because I was busy talking to Song _ . “Brother Renxian, can you ford that crossing behind the rebel line?” I turned back to watch the field of soon-to-be battle ahead of us. “I can.” “Then do it.” and I’m sure Renxian and his bamboo body took off. Jian’s voice… ‘Can you’ was said not as a statement but a question. He said it like ‘can you please help me’ not ‘can you do what you’re told?’. Still, he owned lots of gold and had his first and family name to remind everyone  _ who  _ was commanding them and more importantly, who was giving them all the gold

The ‘vanguard’ of Jian’s forces were formed of foreriders, lightly armored men bearing lances. The ‘vanguard’ could be divided into two groups. The proper vanguard, fast infantry, sat in a half-circle formation guarding the road. It slowly expanded, like wings opening on a bird, as the ‘main’ infantry line marched up behind it and fanned out. The main infantry line was a classic Imperial Army setup of spearmen with shields, crossbowmen, and bender support.

We sat way off to the left of this whole endeavour, so I could watch it with a clarity I’ve almost never had before in a battle.  _ Think. What would you do in this situation? Deploy skirmishers to harass, flank with light riders, encircle the camp, final push with infantry? That’s quite similar to Jian’s strategy, or so he claims.  _ Kotyan nicely built a seat for me to relax on, and he and his fifteen men formed a scattered formation around him and I. The Imperial Guard stuck the bottoms of their pennant-carrying poles into the ground and turned into stationary statues. They turned into statues. A half-circle of statues. The Kyoshi Warriors mostly took to sitting on the grass, possibly because Nan was giving out free licks, possibly because they’re not needed. And the Dai Li? They formed a small block of men, two man spacing, ten wide, with their officer in front of them, hands behind his back in as-expected Dai Li fashion.  _ Back to the battle... _

Jian was sitting up there, looking sparingly towards our east and southeast, where the battle would take place. He didn’t seem to be exchanging information with officers as his five best men,  _ four _ , had departed for their positions. At this point, our main infantry line was forming a wide, thick, line. Green dots ran out beyond the line of… I’d guess each block of men was twenty wide and five thick… and formed a loose not-a-formation formation. Some individuals began by getting into heavy-set stances, ripping chunks of earth out of the ground and hurling them towards the enemy. Other earthbenders were pulling chunks of earth out, little earthwalls for the rest of the skirmishers to get behind.  _ Crossbowmen _ , or I assume as such, were losing bolts towards the enemy camp’s ‘gatehouse’, a break in the wall. 

A few of the peasants ran out of their encampment and retaliated with, in teams of  _ four _ , spikes that broke the oncoming boulders. “Earthbenders” the Aged General and I said at the same time. Those earthbenders ran forward and, in the same teams, hurled much larger boulders towards us. Well, not us, we were behind and to the side. But towards Jian’s main line. And unlike our earthbenders, their projectiles flew further and crashed into our lines. One boulder directly hit one of those blocks of a hundred men in the middle of the line. Our skirmish line appeared to split up, with the earthbenders backing up and trying to throw their own boulders at the oncoming artillery, and our crossbows continuing to pelt the enemy with bolts. Except the enemy copied our earth walls and ducked behind them. Their earthbenders continued these volleys of boulders. Our main infantry line had to spread out and  _ began advancing _ . 

“The earthbenders are drawing us into a trap” I said as it happened. I was going to say more, the shock of facing this getting to me, but Song finished my sentence for me. “They’re experienced peasants.”  _ Experienced peasants _ . Another volley was exchanged by our crossbows. Another couple boulders were tossed our way by the earthbenders over there. Boulders that, while not  _ that  _ accurate, didn’t need to be to strike one of our columns of infantry.

“Why are our infantry just standing there? Do they  _ want  _ to die?” I shouted. “The infantry should pull back and-” “Wait, wait, wait,  _ watch _ , Your Majesty,  _ watch _ where the boulders land!” he yelled, and he pointed, desperately, at one of the boulders. It crashed some distance  _ behind  _ the main infantry line. “What? So the boulder missed.” He almost ripped his beard out. “It missed, but how many gold pieces would you bet that’s almost their maximum range?” “What?” was all I could say. “Everything has a maximum range. We figure it out, we can pull  _ them _ out of their comfort.” “Why would that work?” I pondered, now trying to focus on one of those teams of four as they prepped another volley from the comfort of being behind an earth wall. “Has Your Majesty ever seen what a fleeing force can do to the pursuers?” I tapped my chin.  _ Of course I have _ . “It invigorates them. Fight or flight and they fight while we ‘flight.’” I felt so, so sure of that answer. “Ex-actly.” I could feel the dread of past defeats in his breath, mixed in with the passion of many more victories.

Another boulder volley fell upon our lines. I watched. I watched and learned. One errant boulder fell closer than the one Song was pointing at. One fell just further. Horn blasts. Our lines were pulling back without our orders. It was faint, but you could  _ just  _ hear the loud scream of “Volley!” followed by a scattered assortment of crossbowmen launching a hundred bolts downwind. And those hundred bolts killed… one man? I saw one of these far-distant dots suddenly lose control of his team’s boulder and fall down, the boulder falling on his person and likely crushing every last bone in him. Or her, I don’t know. But that one bender didn’t run the entire army, and the rest of the enemy earthbenders continued launching gigantic projectiles. Projectiles that zoomed over our pitiful skirmish line and  _ right into  _ our main infantry blocks. So our infantry pulled back even further. “We need to pull back!” I shouted, seeing the enemy pull another set of boulders out of the ground. 

“Jian!” “Yes, Your Majesty?” The man was in the process of refilling his tea cup.  _ We don’t have time for tea _ . “Pull your men back!” “Why, Your Majesty?” I might’ve  _ felt  _ like I wanted to take him and drag him over to the cliff, but Song took a deep breath and strolled over to Jian. The ground shook from another strike of boulders. Song was probably thinking the same thing I, and my bodyguards, and even Jian’s bodyguards, were thinking.  _ A dozen more dead. A hundred more wounded men _ .  _ At least _ . And Jian? Jian sat there, mostly shocked by his vessel of liquid shaking beneath his hands. 

“ _ Pull your infantry back _ ” the Aged General said in a serious voice that was unusual for the cheery lighthearted veteran of a thousand battles. “Why? We’re taking care of the earthbenders, no? We’re losing a few men, but so are the earthbenders” and he raised a questioning eyebrow. I strolled past Song and right up to Jian’s desk. “I order you to pull your infantry back” “Can Your Majesty explain why? The Empire normally doesn’t retreat so-” 

“Who commands your armies? You, or your officers? Which one’s head should I toss at them so they  _ will  _ retreat?” I don’t think anyone present had heard that voice of mine before. A formal, deep tone, mixed with my general’s voice, lacking the normal optimistic tone of mine and instead sounding far more… tired of this. Jian’s bodyguards… backed up. And they backed up even further when I put my sword-hand on my  _ jian  _ hilt. Nan looked our way, but since he doesn’t understand nuance, he didn’t attack Jian. My Xishan allies had a yearning for blood in their eyes, which is… not something I think one of these fancy guards who look better dressed for the ballroom than the battle wants to see. Was I going to cut this man in two? No. No need. 

“I...Your Majesty’s wish…” the confident swagger in this man’s voice drained from him, just like the color in his face, as he fell into a kowtow, “...is my command.” Song gave me a ‘Are you sure that wasn’t a bit extreme?’ look. I shrugged. _I guess we do different things even if_ _I learned some tactics from a former Fire Lord, you learned from fighting Fire Lords._ “Good. I want-” but we were stopped by the ground’s own turbulence from earthbending. With that brief interlude over, I kept going. “-I want the infantry pulled back!” Jian reluctantly agreed, and before we knew it, runners were dispatched by mount ordering the entire line to pull back over to a farmhouse some distance behind the battleline. “Song, what’s your idea?” Song had taken up standing in front of the Dai Li platoon commander _well it's more than a platoon, maybe he’s a Sergeant?_. The Dai Li remained perfectly still, hands behind their backs, tucked inside their sleeves, even as the rest of us shook from the vibrations of rocks. 

“Your Majesty, would it be possible to deploy the Dai Li?”  _ Would it be possible, yes?  _ “Why?” I asked a contender for ‘stupidest question, ever’. “Well… with Your Majesty’s permission… I could deploy the Imperial Guard to counter their earthbenders. Or the Dai Li to remove them.” and he stroked his long white beard.  _ Fine, then here’s another question _ . “How did you handle enemy earthbenders when fighting?” “Normally I fought the Fire Nation, Your Majesty. But just as elite firebenders can be surrounded and killed by riders or fast infantry, I’m sure these enemy trained earthbenders can be killed by riders or fast infantry.” “Very well, go ahead.” He nodded, then turned around, slowly, since Jian’s nonsense probably aged us a few years, and took to walking over to the railing once again. When he got there, he gave some loud remarks to the timid coward. 

“Do we have any lancers?”  _ I have no idea _ . Jian fluffled his court robes and bowed in shame. “I’m afraid not, General.” Not that I could read Song’s mind, but I was still curious. “ _ Why  _ don’t we have any lancers?” I asked. “My riders are mostly for scouts and raiding, Your Majesty. Brother- Major Zhihong’s bodyguards numbering sixty notwithstanding.” Song stomped the ground and mumbled a vulgarity about Spirits. “Do  _ we _ -” he stressed his, or rather our, possession of these men, “-have any fast infantry who could reach the earthbenders?” and as he spoke, the earthbenders did exactly as he planned. They ran away from their encampment, pulling small tile-sized blocks of earth out and kicking or punching them towards our ‘advancing in the other direction’ infantry and foreriders.  _ Ha, foreriders. They got out of there fast _ .

“There’s the Rapid Tiger-Lions under B- Senior Colonel...Yi” Jian had to fix his wording because Song and I don’t call people ‘brother’. “When you call them ‘rapid’, is that because you like the title, or are they actually fast?” “Because they’re rapid, Your Majesty.”  _ Okay, but defining a word with the word is the opposite of helpful.  _ Song leisurely strolled back to the Dai Li formation, who had maintained their silence throughout all of this, and stroked his beard. “General, why not deploy the Dai Li?” “And reveal our strongest units now, Your Majesty?”  _ Right. Right. You’re right. We want to keep our best men in reserve _ . “No, no it’s better to keep my men fresh for the upcoming siege” and I looked at my multicultural band of bodyguards.  _ I could also ask them myself _ . 

“Dai Li officer, the head of the detachment, at attention!” The man heel-swiveled, faced me, and gave the standard Dai Li bow. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Would your men want to take on these earthbenders?” “Field combat’s not our strength, Your Majesty.” “Then what  _ is  _ your strength?” “If I was to engage, Your Majesty, the best tactical use of these agents would be to attack the camp itself.” “But there’s only… like twenty of you?” Yes, my voice became one of doubt by the end. “That’s why I’d keep them in reserve, Your Majesty” the beard-stroking Song contributed.  _ Fine _ . In a moment of splendour, I tried to spin around as fast as I could -not that fast, what with the leg and all- and pointed at Jian in dramatic fashion and yelled “Have your ‘Rapid Tiger-Lions’ attack the earthbenders and pull back afterwards!” Jian gave another kowtow, rose, and submitted to my request.  _ This really doesn’t have to be as hard as it is.  _

The order was dispatched by rider. A few of Jian’s bodyguards had pulled a stone table out of the ground, Kotyan finished it off, made it flat, added some small details like the farmhouse, the river, the encampment, and so on. Finally, he added small stone earth coins, the size of our gold, silver and copper pieces, for Song’s use. Song and I stood on the same side of the table as he set the table with tiles. The tiles were all the same color, but in his mind they meant different things and that’s all that mattered. “After the earthbenders are gone, we’ll deploy the crossbows” and he picked up two tiles and placed them in the field. “The crossbows will soften up the enemy encampment preceding the charge.”  _ But…  _ “We have artillery. Why use crossbows?” Song took a deep breath. “We have artillery...yes. We do. And…” he turned towards Jian and squinted his eyes, “ _ where is it _ ?” 

“At the rear of my battle column, General.” “Good.” I didn’t need two eyes to see Song being politely furious, so I voiced his frustration for him. “Bring up the artillery!” and Song gave a quiet exhale and a small nod. “Bring up the artillery and begin shelling the encampment!” Song yelled. Jian’s head bopped to the ground, rose, and agreed to my suggestion. As he gave the order to his rider, Song went “Stone shells, only! We’re not going to waste explosives on this meek selection of farming disgraces!” So Jian altered his request, the rider bowed, mounted his ostrich horse and rode off. “At our signal, have the artillery open up!” I yelled. Jian nodded. Our orders then began their execution phase.

From the right-center of the now steady battleline, a scattered force of a few hundred, at first guess, began charging towards the earthbenders. Aside from the common Imperial Battle Standard, also known as the earth coin, they had special pennants with what  _ looked  _ like a tiger-lion’s head painted in gold. A tiger-lion’s head painted in gold with a bright green diagonal line painted to the right of the head. “What’s with their-”  _ wait not everyone’s looking at the same thing I’m looking at _ , “-why do the ‘Rapid Tiger-Lions have a green line on one side of their flag’?’” “That’s a  _ jian,  _ Your Majesty.” Jian told me.  _ Of course it is _ . While we engaged in this question-and-answer, Song was mumbling something about “A thousand feet between that fencepost and the palisade.” 

Meanwhile, the  _ jian _ -armed infantry became the new target of the earthbenders out in the middle of the field. “A wise officer would order them to retreat,” I mused.“Fanatics don’t like running away, Your Majesty.” “What?” I asked, because I didn’t know if I misheard him or not. “I was wrong, Your Majesty” “What about?” “They’re experienced, they’re decent earthbenders, but not trained.” “What’s the difference?” “Trained men have officers commanding them.” “These are peasants.” “As is most of the Imperial Army, Your Majesty.”  _ By that logic, I’m also a peasant. Does that make me fanatical and rash?  _ I wasn’t going to answer my own question, the forces were about to clash. 

The earthbenders varied their defenses. Some kicked ruts at the attacking infantry, knocking them off-balance, down, or just to break some legs. Some launched boulders that, while effective and turning  _ one  _ man into paste, didn’t stop the other ninety-nine men around him. Others looked like they formed earth gauntlets. Others seemed to draw blades of their own and proceeded to augment the bending with such. This would explain two of the attacking men being sent into the next commandery over by means of earth pillar. Likewise, a couple men being sent flying to the side by  _ dao _ -fueled earthbending strikes. But this didn’t stop the  _ jian _ infantry. 

They crossed the distance and collided with the earthbenders. Now, from what little I could distinguish, it looked like some of those  _ jian  _ strikes didn’t kill their targets despite striking them in the chests.  _ Well, not every strike is a kill, but having your chest gashed open is going to incapaciated you at best and on battlefields, incapacitation might as well be death, thus it’s counted _ . I heard the General’s voice to my side. “They’re wearing armor, Your Majesty!” For the first time in all this, I guess she was busy talking to the other warriors, Ty Lee made her voice heard. “But you said they were peasants. Peasants don’t wear armor!”  _ For once, I’m with you, Ty Lee _ .  _ Not that I’ll ever admit that, you creepy eyelash twirling technically adopted relative of mine by virtue of the Kyoshi Warriors being a family of their own _ . 

“ _ Because these aren’t peasants _ ” Song said, concerned. Then he pulled his bow off his back.  _ What?  _ “What are you doing?” I, like anyone reasonable, asked him. “Does Your Majesty see the commanding officer? He’s at the gatehouse. He’s the one waving his  _ dao  _ around.”  _ No?  _ “I need a telescope. We… have ones from the Colonies back in the Carriage.” Nonetheless, I tried. I looked towards the ‘gatehouse’, a gap between the walls. It just looked like a regular soldier, albeit one with very strenuous  _ dao  _ swings at nothing. “How do you know?” “Look at the peasants gathering inside the encampment, Your Majesty. They’ve got crossbows running over towards the walls.” As Jian’s best men cut down our opponent’s earthbenders, men armed with crossbows were running over to the walls. _ Right, we’re high enough that we can actually see into the enemy camp. A useful skill in the hands of anyone that isn’t a coward _ . 

Song took a small handkerchief, embroidered with a golden Fire Nation sigil on a dark red background, and held it in the air. Nothing happened to it. He looked at the other flags. They also lay passive against the poles. He nocked an arrow in his drawstring. He looked towards the enemy gatehouse, even amidst the clashing sounds of blades and cries of the slain. He drew his bowstring back, closed one eye, leaned back  _ slightly _ , pointed his bow at the sky, and  _ thwick _ . 

The arrow escaped his string. One  _ miao _ . Two  _ miao _ . Three  _ miao.  _ Four  _ miao _ . Five  _ miao _ . I looked over at the gatehouse and watched the stationary ‘commanding officer’ suddenly get struck with something and fall over. 

“By the Spirits, I  _ missed _ ” the General cursed himself. “You  _ missed _ ?!?” Suki asked, surprised. “I meant to go for the throat, but I must’ve hit him in the chest instead.”  _ The… you meant to go for… you… you… you… you meant to…  _ my cousin cut my thoughts off. “Wouldn’t that still cause him to bleed out?” “Imperial Army officer kit is padded. My arrows aren’t going to pierce heavy padding.” The officer who had fallen over was dragged away from the gatehouse. I have to say, I aspire to do something like that one day.  _ Maybe not that far, but still. It’s a goal. _

With the earthbenders dead, the ‘Rapid Tiger-Lions’ could pull back, and they did. The living ones grabbed the wounded ones and tried pulling them away from the battlefield. They remained easy pickings for the crossbows. Assuming the crossbowmen could  _ aim _ , of course. Any farmer can be given a crossbow, it won’t make him good at it. 

“The artillery has arrived!” shouted Suki, being quite observant of her surroundings. I looked out to the north, and not far behind the regrouped main battle line, the artillery trucks had formed a line of their own. Three deep, I don’t have any idea how wide. More than twenty wide. “Plan?” my one word question was all I needed. “We’re going to shell the encampment, Your Majesty, and then we’ll attack.” That was Song’s order. A simple order. They really were quite simple. Everything just has to work out properly. Battles need not be so difficult, everyone just needs to do their job and do it right.  _ Of course… this wasn’t most battles, where they’re resolved quite quickly.  _

“The left flank has collapsed!” the rider cried, his clothes tattered with  _ battle-damage?,  _ as he stopped his ostrich horse within screaming distance but beyond ‘you’re going to die if you approach His Imperial Majesty’ distance. He dismounted and kowtowed as best as he could,  _ more like falling into a bow, if I may be honest _ . “Which left flank? The Longqing one?” “Who’s Longqing, Your Majesty?” this rider asked, confused.  _ Right, right, of course. You have no idea what the larger scale operations are because you’re just a soldier. That also means you’re not referring to him.  _

“No, no,  _ our _ left flank!” “Yes...which one? You’re being vague.” “Colonel Renxian is wounded! They attacked us at the ford and drove us back!”  _ Where...where were you routed?  _ I looked off to the north and northwest, over towards the river. There didn’t appear to be any engagement within sight distance. “Where in the name of Her Imperial Majesty did you cross the river?” The man was busy catching his breath to answer. “The Nanshi District?” I sarcastically quipped. “We crossed it upriver, as per Lieutenant General Jian’s orders, Your Majesty!”  _ That’s helpful _ . I looked at Jian, who had his face in his hands, then at Song, who was keeping a calm, collected, face.  _ Think _ . “Pull back the survivors, bring them back to within sight range of this hill!” and the man kowtowed. “Yes, Your Majesty.” “ _ Now! _ ” and he mounted up and bolted off. Suki nudged me to look at the now lined up artillery.

“At our signal, bring the Empire’s fury upon these rebels!” I yelled. The soldiers grabbed their signal flags. “ _Imperials_!” I swung around and pointed at that encampment. “Say it with me, brothers and sisters! Ten Thousand Years to the Empress!” “Ten Thousand Years!” the crowd boomed. “Kill them all! _”_ I screamed. A nameless soldier picked up his flag and waved it. 

The main artillery pieces opened up, benders punching shells out and sending them flying over all our lines. The regular artillery pieces themselves don’t make any noise. The hundred benders operating it do. They root their stances, focus, and punch a stone shell out a metal tube. The tube’s like a ballista, focusing the projectile. As such, while they’re hitting much smaller stones than they  _ could _ , those stones are going to be quite accurate. And since almost any earthbender can punch a small arm-sized stone, the artillery is operable even by the reserves. And since they’re small, those stones are going to go much further than a large surface-to-air rock, unless said rock was thrown by the likes of the Imperial Metalbending Guard. The most enjoyable part…, rather my favorite part isn’t even the ground shaking, it’s watching those stones fall upon a force of tightly packed enemy troops. Those stones should then collide with some, crushing them, and sending bits of stone everywhere else.  _ Except, this is the Empire, so of course things aren’t right _ .

A few of those artillery pieces were Wailing Yalings. They lit their fuses and fireworks the size of ballista bolts ascended a few hundred feet into the sky before falling on the enemy encampment and the entire countryside around it like some kind of fiery rain. Other shells  _ exploded  _ upon contact. Hundreds of peasants found pellets and shrapnel and everything else shredding them like the Spirits themselves had descended to do the butcher’s work.  _ It was beautiful. It was absolutely beautiful, and it was totally wrong _ . 

“Which kaboom-admiring unqualified Imperial-level illegitimate son of some noble gave that order?” Suki lost her composure and fell over laughing. Ty Lee looked at her, worried, and went to help her commander up. Song asked “Where’s my old rival and his tea when we need it?” and that made me realize that Iroh was, in fact, absent. “I have no idea.”  _ I don’t _ . I didn’t. It’s true. Did he leave to go somewhere else? A different engagement? He’s not obligated to join us so...I have no clue.  _ Maybe he went to the Court?  _ We might not know that, but we knew something else.

The artillery was, if nothing else, successful. In shelling the well-packed together encampment with explosive shells, dozens died and hundreds cried out from shrapnel to the face, chest, and so on. Oh, and of course, they made great ‘boom’ noises that I’m sure, if she was here, Toph would applaud. No, no, Toph would roll around grinning. Pu-On Tim’s… interesting… plays got nothing on the good clean fun of a full-scale Imperial artillery bombardment. The explosive shells also put on a nice performance of raining parts of people across the encampment and subsequent surrounding battlefield.  _ When they hit the encampment, of course _ . Because most, nine out of ten, of the projectiles somehow missed the giant encampment. They churned up the earth to it’s west, they turned the village behind it into rubble, they decapitated a small hill to the south of the village, they probably even helped turn the tide in the east.. .somewhere… in favor of our magically appearing left flank that just… wasn’t there. When the smoke cleared, the encampment was a pile of wounded people and a few geniuses who had… I don’t know, ducked inside the ground itself? Best of all, the walls of the encampment were gone. In pieces. Just like all the remains of people. 

“Now, send in the Imperial Guard!” I yelled, thrusting my cane at the clouds. Kotyan gave a chest pound and “Yes, Your Majesty” and said something to one of the fifteen. The Imperial Guard, all two or three platoons of them, mounted their barded ostrich horses, smiling. Song joined them, because “I haven’t got to use these two today” while putting his hands on his  _ dao  _ hilt. I got on my ostrich horse, as I told Suki, “To watch”. Which is why, when the ground stopped shaking, the artillery ceased launching rocks, and the Imperial Guard got on their mounts and sped away, I  _ went after them _ . Suki could shout “No!” as much as she wanted and I wasn’t going to listen. I always go with my men into battle.

We didn’t have many men. I got right in the face of the advancing battle line of ours, and upon seeing their Emperor in his blue armor  _ right there _ , the rest of the army began advancing without instruction. “Form wedge!” Kotyan, leader of the formation, yelled as he waved his  _ dao  _ around. “Yes, Captain!” the men shouted, brimming with a desire for blood. I couldn’t resist getting around my men to take the lead, much to the Imperial Guard’s cries of approval. 

As we neared them, I gave the classic shout of “Lower lances!”. “Yes, Your Majesty!” the mob replied. Everyone couched their lances and I drew my  _ jian _ .  _ Oh, I love that sound _ . “Ten Thousand Years!” I yelled, spotting one of the peasant survivors. “Ten Thousand Years!” the Imperial Guard shouted. “Ten Thousand Years!” the  _ Imperial Army  _ following us boomed. Fore-riders catching up to us, the Rapid Tiger-Lions, the infantry behind them, and on and on it went.  _ A whole army charging.  _ And then we crashed into them. 

Our lances snapped into the few survivor’s heads. That, and the sight of forty thousand men charging them, drove them into a full on rout. They dropped their weapons and ran. We didn’t even need to cut them down, but we did it anyways because what else is a rider charge for? 

Instead of chasing them down and, as I ordered, “Kill the rebels to the last! Treason is paid with execution!”, I dismounted my ostrich horse, cane in hand, and swiped an Imperial flag from a lancer who didn’t use his lance to it’s fullest extent. Then I hobbled up to a small piece of battlement that went unscathed and waved the flag back and forth towards the  _ rest of the army  _ to the west. 

The men punched the air with their weapons and cried “Ten Thousand Years!” and other celebratory remarks.

Then they took to systematically killing every last rebel.

_ On to Laiyuan. This isn’t done, yet. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the assault continues!  
> Encyclopedic Notes for Pitched-Battle Leading Folks:  
> -The chapter title's a play on 'The Imperial Army is the Strongest of All', the rewrite in-universe version of 'Red Army is the Strongest'.  
> -To help with confusion, there were some competent officials doing their job at the start of the chapter. Everyone else was just shelling already owned walls because... well... the Imperial Army is the smartest. Of all.  
> -Jian is based on Yuan Shao, both are quite indecisive. They're rich and can afford to buy entire armies, but they aren't that good at taking the initiative.  
> -Jian's battle plan sounds simple, but it's unnecessary. An envelopment would've worked better. Stationing the artillery out of range and pummeling the enemy would've been better.   
> -This is Mori's first battle where he's observing from a distance and 'leading from the back'.   
> -Song's achievements don't end. And no, just because he's the mentor doesn't mean he'll die. Death's scared of him.   
> -I could've given Mori that achievement (hitting the enemy officer), but it didn't feel earned.
> 
> \- - - - - -  
> Appendix on who's who in Jian's Coalition: Commandery written like THIS, Town written like ' T. of This: ', Name written like {This}. Rank written like (This).  
> Appendix on titles:   
> Col. = Colonel.   
> Sr. Col = Senior Colonel.   
> Sgt. Gen = Sergeant General  
> Lt. Gen = Lieutenant General  
> First number is age, second is number of men brought along.   
> QIXIAN:  
> T. of Qixian:  
> \----Jian of Line of Yuan (Lt. Gen), 28 - 30K! - Protector of Boshan, Head of Coalition  
> \----Zhihong, (Maj.) 40, Jian’s vanguard - - - 2k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Renxian, (Sr. Col) 38, Jian’s left - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Yi, (Sr. Col) 30, Jian’s right - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Ying-Xun of Line of Kui, (Sr. Col) 32, Jian’s center - - - 14k - Wang’s younger brother  
> \----Hui-Yan of Yuan, (Col.) 26, Jian’s rear - - - 4k - Younger cousin to Jian  
> \----Wang of the Line of Kui, 34 - Magistrate of Boshan - Boshan  
> SERPENT'S JUNCTION:  
> T. of Gaijin. {Laquan} (Sgt. Gen), 30 - - - 10k - Defensive  
> BEIXIAO:  
> T. of Wangmiao: {Yali} (Sr. Col) of Line of Tianxiao, 32, - - - 8k  
> T. of Xiajin: {Junshi} (Sr. Col), 38, - - - 7k  
> DATAN:  
> T. of Qingliangian: {Ding} (Sgt. Gen) of Line of Jin, 35, - - - 10k - Commander of the IN BSS's Naval Infantry contingent (basically the Marines)  
> T. of Zaqqiang: {Qingde} (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 6k  
> YUNZHONG:  
> T. of Jinan: Luo (Sr. Col), 27, - - - 8k  
> T. of Zhonggong: Yizhi-Lee (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 5k  
> NIU JU:  
> T. of Ulanqab: Longqing (Sgt. Gen) , 31, 12k  
> T. of Kuinaixi: Lun (Sr. Col), 34, 8k  
> YUCI:  
> T. of Keifeng: Hongji (Sgt. Gen), 29 - - - 10k  
> T. of Jiaozhou: Tugor-Jun (Sr. Col), 27 - - - 9k  
> T. of Yinping: Jiuling (Col.), 25 - - - 4k  
> XIAODIAN:  
> T. of Luliang: Yixing, (Sr. Col) 27 - - - 7k  
> T. of Yulin: Yu-Suogu, (Sr. Col) 30 - - - 5k  
> JINZHONG: Following are mostly riders.  
> T. of Zhumadian: Wenshunu, (Sgt. Gen) 33 - - - 10k - Commander of all Riders   
> T. of Gra: Huai, (Sr. Col) 24 - Gra - - - 8k  
> T. of Pingding: Yijian, (Sgt. Gen) 32 - - - 11k  
> \- - - - - - - - -  
> -PROVINCE OF BOSHAN, Jian's direct control, includes the commanderies of YUNZHONG, QIXIAN, XIAODIAN


	73. And Then Things Got Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Imperial Campaign Against Fancun Rebels continues...  
> ...and faces some speedbumps.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Nine:

Does time stop for a heroic victory? No, of course not. Why would it?  _ It wouldn’t, it’s that simple _ . Of the Imperial Guard, no casualties. Not even a  _ scratch _ . Who knew full brigandine would be so effective against retreating peasants who can’t even be bothered to put up a fight? Together, our men picked two or three kills on the low end and  _ guess who got thirty two kills?,  _ on the high end. That tally went to General Song, who dismounted his ostrich horse to go capture a barracks that had somehow avoided the utter annihilation of all living and dead things,  _ because even the corpses were blown to bits _ , by our previous artillery bombardment. He ran inside, alone, and started hacking people to bits. We had a very nice exchange of celebratory remarks. “Ten Thousand Years!” and “Victory!” and indiscriminate cheering and all that. Blood could stop boiling, we’d won this minor skirmish. The Imperial Guards gathered below me to await further instructions. Or, in the Captain’s case, to ponder “How did a piece of wall survive all the booms?”  _ Very good question, Captain. Who knows _ . It looked nice, that’s for certain.

Normally, after a battle’s been concluded, this is when the looting phase would occur. Except... the Imperial Guard don’t loot their enemy’s towns. It’s explicitly forbidden to take random trinkets and treasures they find. Arrows, bolts and other projectiles are permitted because they’re not unique, they’re not treasures, they’re equipment to help with fighting and if we don’t find quivers from somewhere, we’d run out of arrows. Not that the Imperial Guard ever  _ uses  _ bows or crossbows, so even then, the ruling is unnecessary. The Imperial Guard, even back when they were the Royal Guard, were always meant to be a step of professionalism above the rest of the military. Under my supervision, and in the time I’ve fought with them, they’ve always maintained a certain kind of decorum that… others lack.

Song, a man free to loot whatever he wants as he’s not part of the Imperial Guard, still doesn’t. The most he does is take ‘A worthy reminder of my honorable foe’s’ to carry. A way of remembering his most fair duels and all that. He’s got Prince Lu Ten’s  _ dao  _ and scabbard, because he fought and slew the Prince in honorable combat beneath the shadow of a hill-fort in the southern Agrarian Zone. Even then, he could’ve taken the man’s armor or the rich crimson jewelry he carries around as a signal of his birthright. Or his personal seal.  __

He’s got the once-living Captain of the Yuyan Archer’s composite bow and even the quiver he used. He defeated that man in an archery duel. He has two daggers from two different Imperial Firebenders. One, I believe, is forty years old, and belonged to one of Azulon’s personal bodyguards at the Battle of the Serpent’s Pass, jokingly referred to as ‘The High Tide of the Dragon’. The name stuck for thirty five years. Another dagger, a beautiful red hilt, was from an Imperial Firebender who was defending the short-lived reign of the Shogun.  _ That’s old enough to be history _ . And that’s just the weapons I can think of from memory. His trophy cabinet includes a whole slew of different armor sets and banners. Not that any of this matters, because as I said, General Song wouldn’t be a problem even if he looted. No.

I temporarily led the Imperial foreriders who had helped us with this charge. Barely off the mirth of victory, Song had quite simple advice: “We ride for Laiyuan and catch the routing rebels off-guard.” His advice sounded quite rational: Nothing  _ should  _ go wrong if we try to press our vanguard forward. So I had the riders take off, “Fly east, hit them fast, hit them hard!”. But the Imperial Army that we had just won the battle alongside wasn't only made up of light mounted men and their fast mounts. Most of the men with me then were infantry. Infantry that had just watched other regiments, or their own, get pummeled by boulders. They just watched their friends or fellow regimental men get crushed because of incompetent commanding. 

So, one may think I’d turn a blind eye if a few of these men wanted to start ripping the dead rebels’ clothes off, metaphorically and literally, looking for  _ anything  _ valuable to loot, right? One would think that I, knowing what getting vengeance feels like, would permit it. Right? At best they’d find a silver piece or maybe a flask for carrying wine. The rest of the time, they seemed to find nothing but did a  _ great  _ job of defiling the dead. Did I turn a blind eye to this? No. I already have a blind eye. And Kyoshi has  _ ethics _ . I felt like some army officer when I yelled “Form up!” and the infantry that had been busy body-diving took their heads off the floor, looked up at me, and formed what they thought a block of infantry looked like.  _ I may have one eye, but even I can see that’s wrong. _

It didn’t look like a block of infantry. It looked like a gaggle of duck-geese sitting in a pond. These duck-geese quacked “Ten Thousand Years!” to me while I rested on my cane.  _ Ow… I shouldn’t run up stairs next time _ . I could recite the entire, two  _ fen  _ long rant of mine that started off as a calm questioning of “did you just loot that man” to “by the blood of Kyoshi that runs through my veins, I should have you executed for stealing that man’s bracelet!”, but I choose not to record that. 

Imperial Army troops like responding… well responding assumes they  _ comprehended  _ what I said which is extreme… but they like listening to their Emperor order them around. Remember, these people  _ worship  _ me, and worship my dear Empress even more than I. They worship my auburn queue in all its glory. They worship the  _ blue  _ I’m wearing instead of their greens. Imperial Blue, which is actually blue-green but I call it blue because it’s more blue than green. They worship the  _ jian  _ I’m carrying, and I’d bet lots of gold that some of them,  _ most of them _ , probably think I used this  _ jian  _ throughout my military career even if I picked it up but a year ago. 

So, when I lost my temper and told them I’d have all their heads, the  _ Emperor would have all their heads _ , they dropped the personal belongings they had liberated from their former hosts and kowtowed, begging and pleading forgiveness. Because if someone commits a wrongdoing, the smartest thing to do is beg for forgiveness from the nearest demi-god.  _ Especially when you’re in the wrong _ . 

Were they all begging forgiveness at the same time? No, that would take too long. They kowtowed and accepted -that is, they didn’t deny- collective punishment, because... _ well doing it one individual at a time would require a roll call and I’m very certain most of these people can’t read or write and while that’s not relevant,  _ they all are probably surnamed Lee. I didn’t really have a proper punishment for a group. I mean, on the one hand, these people  _ shouldn’t  _ be committing these crimes again. On the other hand, I’m the Emperor and I’m deified -I know, I know, my genius finally being rewarded by someone for once- by these uneducated, smelly, destined-for-destitution, religiously fanatical, peasants granted weapons and some training. ‘Some training’ means ‘more than a single  _ geng  _ of training.’ So...two  _ geng _ . And if I’m deified, which I was, then  _ I can use that to my advantage _ . 

I felt some ‘reminders’ coursing through my legs and feet, stinging reminders of someone else who used their powers of being royalty to their advantage. I felt those reminders, in fact I remember when I was told to ‘always remember’. I took these ‘reminders’ as a lesson. I didn’t  _ want  _ to do what I did, but I also accepted that all things considered, this would be mercy. Mercy to me or to anyone that can read and write, divine punishment for them. 

“The Gatekeepers of the Jade Palace know who follows the Ethics of Kyoshi and who doesn’t.  _ No looting _ .” Did these people know who Kyoshi was? Of course they did. Every single boy from Beihai to...even Majia, have heard of Kyoshi. She might go by a variety of names, and those names might have taken to being part-myth part-history, but everyone knows of the tall woman who changed everything. It’s hard not to know of a woman who lived to be two hundred and thirty and travelled to nearly every single town ever. Did these people follow the Ethics of Kyoshi? I’m going to go with  _ no _ . Did my speech, my  _ divine  _ statement of truth, scare them?  _ It did _ . Why? In classic Empire fashion, I am the arbiter of truth when acting in the stead of Her Imperial Majesty since Her Imperial Majesty is absent.  _ And safe, I hope _ . And since I’m not going to tell a bunch of unwashed men when I’m speaking for myself or speaking for the Empress, they’re always going to jump to their zealous conclusions of me speaking in the Empress’s interests.  _ I mean, I do have Toph’s best interests at heart, but not in the same kind of insanity they think.  _ So they kowtowed. My harsh tone changed to one of commanding as I yelled at them to “Regroup and move out!” and their officers began doing just that. With a thousand pairs of eyes no longer… eyeing… me, I could take to descending and  _ try _ ing -try, ing- to strategize as best as a teenager drunk on battle  _ can  _ strategize. That, and speak to General Song who  _ does  _ know what he’s doing.

The Spirits like to intervene and prevent me from doing such things sometimes. Like when I’m walking down a flight of half-blown off stairs and suddenly hear a “You acted really impulsive!” from below the stairs. I actually jumped up from that, yelling “Ahh! The ground’s talking to me!” because after spending a few  _ fen  _ lecturing peasants, my mind was still suffering the side effects of sinking to their level.  _ Or maybe it always was like this and I finally had a conversation with like-minded peers _ . Because I jumped up and I’m not an airbender, I came back down and… well my foot felt that.  _ Which hurts _ . Not that the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors saw that as she emerged from her hiding spot and made her presence known to me.

The Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors forgot that she doesn’t  _ need _ to be all ‘big sister mode’ when looking at me.  _ Irony, we’re the same age _ . “Are you alright?” She removed my helmet and looked for any fresh scars.  _ Nope. Just the same ones you remember.  _ I nodded like a child. “Are  _ you  _ feeling okay?” I reciprocated in a tone as serious as she was. “I’m fine, myself” I added. She didn’t seem to accept it. “But are you hurt?”, I counter asked. “I’m not the one who led a charge into an enemy camp” and she shook my shoulders  _ because that’s a great way of analyzing my condition. _ “Okay, you’re  _ right _ , but who knows?” I sounded like I was joking but it’s not a lie that I  _ did  _ worry about how my cousin was doing while I was off… charging nothing in particular. 

Somehow, we ended up sitting on the staircase with her taking off my boot and examining my foot. “Does it hurt when I-” “I’m going to say yes-” but my interruption of her was interrupted by a finger pressing on my foot. “Yes!” I screamed. I’m  _ glad  _ only a couple dozen Imperial Army soldiers saw that.  _ Wait, no I’m not _ .  _ No, I’m not.  _ I swung my hand around, pointing at each of them with vigor. “All of you, stop looking at me and get back to work!” I yelled, sounding not at all like a general or Imperial Commander or what-have-you should sound like.  _ And telling people to stop looking at you is how you divert attention. Yup. Your genius is… amazing sometimes.  _

When Suki was done checking my skin for bruises,  _ okay that’s a bit harsh… especially considering last time I asked she has more total bruises than I do because Kyoshi Warrior training requires more acrobatics and acrobats don’t get the moves right the first time,  _ she let me go. I do mean ‘let me go’. She let me walk,  _ hobble _ , freely. After one Kyoshi Islander reunion hug, as is custom, of course. And one Kyoshi Islander “You still acted like an idiot, you could’ve died!” reprimand, passed down from the days when the Avatar had her personal firebending bodyguard.

I hobbled over to General Song, who said nary a peep between the ranting speech of mine and this embarrassing moment of sibling affection,  _ embarrassing because of being surrounded by a bunch of strange smelly men, not because of the affection _ . But when I gave him my full, one-eyed, undivided attention, he offered a deep bow -which was enough- and well-wishes of “I’m glad Your Majesty has such a good sister.” “Cousin” I clarified. After that misstep and forgiveness issues for the misstep’s step, “My deepest apologies, Your Majesty,” “Why  _ wouldn’t  _ I forgive you, General?”, we took to discussing more relevant matters. Not because we wanted to, but we have responsibilities to make sure  _ someone  _ ends this rebellion. 

We were going to mount up and ride for Laiyuan at high speed. Our strategy was as follows, including contingencies: Ride for Laiyuan with the vanguard and other riders. If there were to be rebels along the way, the scouts would report on their numbers and we would pull back to repeat the artillery bombardment-and-hammerfall tactic we used at this unnamed village that I’m just going to call West Laiyuan. If there weren’t any rebels along the way, we’d get to Laiyuan and prepare siegeworks for it. Once our objective was completed, we’d decide on how to handle the Town of Fancun. “We don’t want the Prefect to die” the two of us agreed with Suki’s statement. And such, we opted to send riders to the Northern and Southern Corps and inform them of our remarkably -for the Empire- tactic of choosing aggression and offensives over hesitant  _ crawling  _ ‘marching hills’, as Song called them. 

“Is a ‘marching hill’ what Lieutenant General Jian was doing over on Tea Hill?” I asked. He broke his gentlemanly self and took to quietly laughing. Whereas Song’s a true gentleman, what with all his skills, Suki doesn’t have to be as gentle. And she’s not a man. So she’s free to laugh at my remark. Suki said the following not-a-joke joke. “If that’s what he was doing on Tea Hill, then no wonder we fought a hundred year long war of attrition where we heavily outnumbered them at every engagement and  _ lost _ . Our generals were busy drinking tea. They’re… the Tea Generals!” A few  _ miao  _ of expected laughter from myself later, we got back to the relevant talking points.

Being offensive,  _ no, I don’t mean when Toph asks the Avatar if he’s ever been with or heard of a concubine _ , as the Earth Empire is a controversial battle strategy. We’re earthbenders. The most basic earthbending moves, from what I’ve seen, are about manipulating the very ground itself. And it  _ seems  _ like it’s almost as easy to form a earth wall as to levitate a boulder. No other bending style leans so heavily on defense. No other bending style is as suited to it. Fire and Air do nothing. Water, or rather ice, shatters. Stone withstands. Likewise, we lack the charging potential that the outfitted-with-komodo-rhino Fire Nation has by virtue of their mounts being komodo rhinos. And armored. That hasn’t stopped Song in his tens of years of experience though. “So we can’t sit behind a fort all day. We can still advance and make mobile fortifications on the fly.”  _ And that’s why you’re still alive.  _

Our force of riders was much larger than it may seem. The ‘best’ of Jian’s men were assigned to  _ Major  _ Zhihong, who led two thousand riders directly. And if a  _ major  _ is the highest officer-rank in charge of riders, then what does that mean for the rest of the thousands of riders? It means that they’re being commanded by lower ranked officers. It means that their chain-of-command is more like a tether with the tether being that the officers all know each other from parties.  _ I wonder why that is? Hmm.  _ If I was just any Imperial Commander, then it’d be hard to rally these men. But I’m wearing blue armor and a large blue plume on my helmet. Oh, and I’m wearing a helmet, not a conical hat. And, as the last battle showed, we had lots and lots of regimental banners. Those banners might help with the officers, but to me, the ‘Tenth Regiment of’ whatever has as much meaning as if you told me these people were veterans of the ‘Thirty-Second Battle of Shigusi’. Maybe there were thirty-two battles. Maybe the thirty first battle consisted of two men trying to thrust a spearhead into the other one’s head. This could be the Thirty Second Battle of Shigusi since the new year for all I know. We separated this force of thousands led by dozens into two groups.

All bending riders would be led by Kotyan, now on an ostrich horse. The bending riders would include the Imperial Guard at the center-back of their formation to act as reserves. I and the rest of the bodyguards would be part of this rider force even if the Kyoshi Warriors, the Zheng and Nan couldn’t bend anything.  _ Well the Kyoshi Warriors can bend over backwards with their acrobatics. And the Zheng can make you bend over backwards… by breaking your back _ . The rest of the force would fall under Song’s command. Why Song? That should be obvious. Song actually knows how to lead… well nearly anything if it’s on land. Infantry, archers, riders, siegeworks. Boats and the recent introduction of vertical warfare? Neither is his trade. Officers can’t just swap from land to sea and be expected to have any idea what they’re doing. The three commanding officers, Kotyan, Song and I, would stay together in the middle of the bending force. Of our riders, we had about a thousand two hundred riders who  _ could  _ bend. But just because someone can bend doesn’t mean they can be versatile. An inquiry into the level of bending helped us shave down to about two hundred and fifty, not counting Imperial Guards. After our lances were redistributed ‘as deemed necessary’ by Song,  _ so to myself, the Imperial Guards, then to the riders with barding who seem capable of shock tactics _ , we could finally move out. All of this seems so simple and responsible and  _ lacking in dialogue right now _ . Right, right, and right? Because  _ this is the Empire, guess what’s next _ .  _ Just… guess. _

And then things got worse. Not for us. For us: we rode eastwards and met very little resistance. If I had to wager a guess, it’s because we annihilated the collection of farming implements and their masters in this part of Fancun. Of course, I have to say ‘very little’ and not ‘none’ because a couple rebels were to be found wandering the farmland. When inquired as to whether they were rebels or just regular farmers, they answered by slinging an arrow in our general direction. So...a couple -roughly thirty- boulders were aimed at them and reduced them and the farmland that wasn’t theirs to a salad of people bits and soil.  _ That’s the benefit of having earthbenders on mounts _ . The other rebels were offered the chance to surrender or die, and they went with surrender. What happened to those who surrendered? I have no idea where they went, this isn’t ‘Records of Lee, the Master of Prisoners.’ Everyone else continued on.

As we passed the last village between us and the larger-than-expected town of Laiyuan, we received news that the  _ other  _ northern flank was facing a series of hilariously bad tactical maneuvers. Longqing’s offensive started out quite promising, as offensives are supposed to. The monorails had run on time, so if there’s nothing to take from all this, make sure to reward the monorail operators with gold.  _ Or rather, don’t, because being competent shouldn’t get an extra reward _ . He entered Fancun and everything immediately began to fail. His vanguard was ambushed by  _ tanks _ . Imperial Battle Tanks. Which are just Tundra Tanks. Still, tanks operated by the rebels.  _ Tanks operated by rebels _ . But the tanks didn’t launch any stone projectiles, because… well I have no idea why the reporting scout said ‘they did nothing but harass us with their presence’. Song heard this report and offered a solution. “Maybe the rebels don’t have the benders to launch projectiles from the tanks?” “Probably. Makes sense.” and we all nodded in agreement. Rebels tend not to have the skilled benders it takes to punch a disc out of a small metal slit in a moving tank.

So Longqing, being a military strategist, had his own tanks engage their tanks in a field battle. Because their tanks weren’t demarcated as belonging to a rebellion that doesn’t have a flag, they drove around under our color scheme.  _ Can anyone guess where it went wrong? _ When the tank squadrons engaged in ‘close quarters tank-bat’,  _ that made me picture a tank with owl-bat wings _ .  _ No thanks _ , they began losing projectiles at their own teammates. The report said that ‘the entire enemy team’ was wiped out but their own tanks were also heavily damaged. Heavily damaged by tanks that can’t do much of anything.  _ Maybe because you confused the enemy for your own team?  _

And then things got worse. We received word that Longqing received word of a large rebel force gathering to counter him. The moment I heard ‘Sergeant General Longqing chose to take a defensive approach’ from this scout rider courier man person, I slapped my face because  _ I know what that means _ .  _ Marching hill time _ . The Sergeant General pulled  _ all  _ his forces back and deployed skirmishers to harass the enemy. Based on the scout’s report, Song concluded that his right flank was left wide open like a ‘please hit me here’ sign. A bunch of rebels,  _ a bunch of rebels, a bunch of farmers with sticks _ , figured out that if you walk far enough to the left -the Sergeant General’s right- you can just walk  _ past  _ the right flank. But these  _ are  _ farmers with sticks, after all, so we can’t be expecting too much from them. A few of the brighter ones, though, in a band of ‘a lot of them’ according to the young man, attacked the barely-present right flank. They, all ‘a lot of them’, easily crushed the  _ thousands of men  _ assigned to defend it and routed them towards Longqing’s center. They routed Longqing’s left flank of Imperial Army soldiers. With sticks. 

So why isn’t Longqing’s force dead? The answer is complicated. One scout says that the Sergeant General led his men against the attacking ‘lot of’ rebels. One report, a different scout, says that the spirits themselves sent lightning bolts down to kill the rebels.  _ What?  _ When us named people heard that, we burst into laughter.  _ Okay then _ . Three other scouts say what I’m going to believe, which is that Longqing’s Officer Who Guards the…  _ oh who cares, titles titles titles the Empire’s never got enough of them _ , the man in charge of Longqing’s heavy infantry, Yali of Wangmiao, saved the rout and saved the day.

He ordered his men to lock shields and pikes and formed a thin four deep line. Being so thin, it seemed easy to break, especially to a horde of men, right? Or maybe, the peasants were goaded into attacking, being untrained and undisciplined. They charged and found themselves attacking pikes, nine Consort’s foot long pikes, head on. The ones that weren’t immediately skewered found themselves being surrounded because Yali packed in more men on the flanks of his pike wall. These men also had large pikes and shields,  _ not counting secondary weapons, dao, knives, and so on _ , and were fresh. Once the peasants were engaged, Yali wheeled his flank troops around and fully encircled the rebels. Then it was only a matter of a few  _ fen  _ until the entire rebel force was impaled and slaughtered. To the last.

We halted at a position because Song, just by eyeing it, determined to be ‘out of range of any stone projectiles’. At this position, we set up a temporary camp to have lunch. Because we have earthbenders, it takes no time at all to make earth tents to use as shelter. For a couple Imperial Guards, building an earth wall so we have something between us and any would-be raiders from Laiyuan is as easy as Toph interrupting a meeting to go pick her toes. Our scouts were sent off to check Laiyuan. While we dismounted and took to eating, we received  _ new  _ reports. New scouts. Longqing had crushed the rebel army, so of course this meant that he was marching on Fancun, right?  _ Right?  _

I was eating with the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors when Song arrived, laughing with the vigor of a man forty years younger. “What’s the matter?” I asked from my Imperial ‘Throne’ of a stone seat. “New reports from the north, Your Majesty.”  _ As to be expected _ . He handed the scrolls to Suki since I was tearing meat off a bone and I didn’t want the reports to get greasy. Suki took the scrolls, skimmed it, and gasped before breaking into laughter.“What’s the matter?” I repeated myself, this time mentally questioning whether I should be laughing with them or approach this in a serious tone. For once, I chose the latter. “What do the scrolls say?” 

Here’s what it said, paraphrased. ‘ _ We were marching towards a village for supplies when some of the men began yelling ‘There are peasants here?’ which then stirred up the rest of the soldiers into believing that they were ‘infiltrated by rebels’. One of my fellow officers decided the best way to sort this out was by asking who was and wasn’t a peasant. When the entire crowd responded that they were peasants, he threatened to execute them for all being rebels _ .’ 

That was just  _ one  _ part of a report. The  _ other  _ part of the report was from a different officer,  _ no I don’t remember these people’s names,  _ and said something like ‘ _ Terror rocked the column as some of the soldiers cried out that we were under attack. The soldiers told us that they spotted the enemy rebel camp, so we broke off to destroy it. Regrettably, we found that this was not an enemy camp but in fact our previous night’s campsite _ .’ Such poetic wording for what amounts to tactical  _ brilliance _ .

As one would, I almost choked on my own food from laughter. “This can’t be real, right?” Song said “It is, if this letter is to be believed.”  _ I just don’t believe this. It’s… too nonsensical _ . “This is like a comedy” Kotyan said while trying not to laugh. “A really terrible comedy for them,” I pointed out. “A comedy, nonetheless,” Song added. And we looked at one another like this was some kind of folktale and laughed. And laughed. When we were done laughing, I remembered that these were just  _ some  _ of the reports from the north.  _ Some _ of the reports from the north. “Any reports from the south?” I asked, looking at my fellow Islander companions like they’d produce a scroll. They shook their heads. Except Ty Lee, because she was busy doing a one-handed handstand instead of eating lunch. Song also shook his head. Suki tried giving some helpful wisdom. “It can’t be worse than what’s happening in the north, right?”  _ No...it really can’t _ .  _ Right?  _

In what was going to become a pattern, things got worse for everyone else and things were either as they should be, or rarely, better than average, for us. Our scouts reported that Laiyuan was only populated by civilians. Civilians who called the Imperial-pennant carrying scouts ‘liberators’. Good news for a change. So we mounted our ostrich horses and rode down the wide road towards Laiyuan in the same formation we had used up until now. Nonbenders and light riders at the front, a few heralds with them, then more nonbending riders, then nonbending shock riders, then the bending contingent and the Dai Li, then a rearguard of more riders. While things appeared to be getting better for us, we received a rider and a scroll from Longqing. 

So Longqing’s men had… ‘solved’ that peasant infiltration problem. They were in the process of marching on Fancun but encountered  _ another  _ rebel army. Their scouts  _ told  _ them there was an army ‘much larger than the last one’ approaching from the south. This time, Longqing listened to reason. He planted his heavy infantry on the right flank in preparation for another ‘ _ outstanding tactical maneuver employed by our opponents, deeming them and the battle we fought a battle for the histories _ ’ as the scroll said. So did the peasants and their  _ excellent  _ knowledge of battlefield strategy attack the right flank again? No. Did they attack the  _ left  _ flank? No. So why does it sound like everything went wrong? Because, as with most things in the Empire, the peasants  _ on our side  _ caused chaos. ‘Someone cried out that we had a large force of rebels behind us’, or so the scroll said. Such a shout was taken seriously and the center of Longqing’s men went from ‘kind of’ cohesion to ‘panic’ as they backed away from the direction they  _ thought  _ had rebels and  _ towards _ the direction that had actual existing rebels. This panic of ‘rebels, rebels everywhere’ spread throughout the formation, save for a couple of drilled regiments and their officers. Like Yali, and his heavy infantry. And Ding and his naval infantry. The report claimed that ‘ _ With the center exhausted by their battle with the phantom rebels, they were susceptible to the uncoordinated charge of the peasants _ .’ 

The report claims that the peasants armed with farming implements, plowshares, sickles, scythes, blacksmith’s hammers, logging axes and kitchen knives proved effective enough at close range to  _ break  _ the morale-depleted center of Longqing’s force. ‘ _ A special remark needs to be made for Senior Colonel Yizhi-Lee, who personally took to riding up and down on his mount, rallying his men to retreat and live to fight another day. This is despite Yizhi-Lee having an entire thousand man reserve force of spearmen. _ ’  _ Okay so maybe the breaking of the formation was mutual _ . Once again, Longqing’s army seemed on the verge of total collapse. So why didn’t it break? A report by Yali. The aforementioned Ding was commanding his naval infantry and those naval infantry formed up behind the fracturing center. As peasants trickled through, his men were waiting with boarding axes and harpoons. Peasants, lacking any shields whatsoever, react  _ quite  _ well to a volley of large, pointy, harpoons. Pointy, pointy harpoons. Harpoons that lodge themselves in big fish and tiger-whales. The naval infantry carry three harpoons in a javelin quiver. As Yali recounts, ‘ _ Upon seeing their fellowmen have harpoon tips protruding from their skulls, the rebels broke into a rout _ ’. And as such, the day was saved, yet again, for Longqing.  _ Yet again _ . “Surely, this momentary good fortune cannot last” I remarked. Everyone else who legally could nod nodded. 

We rode into Laiyuan. The wooden roofs were torched, laying bare many attics. Attics normally hold valuable treasure,  _ well ‘valuable’ is subjective _ , namely family heirlooms. Heirloom blades, heirloom spears, heirloom necklaces and jewelry, and clothing for special occasions. But these attics were empty.  _ No, not empty.  _ The glances I could get of them from down on my ostrich horse showed overturned cabinets and shelves.  _ Not empty, looted _ . The stone buildings were saved from the same rooftop calamities, but weren’t saved from having their doors smashed open. Smashed open or torn off their hinges. Usually the doors were carved open with some kind of cutting implement, probably a weapon, but once in a while we’d see a house with an earth pillar lodged in the doorway. 

As my personal retinue rode down the main road, the townsfolk that saw the Imperial Guards and their fancy armor and saw me and my fancy  _ blue  _ armor cheered. And by cheered I mean they were yelling things like “Thank the Spirits, it’s the Emperor!” or “Ten Thousand Years to Your Majesty!” or just a simple “We’re saved!”. Because watching Song have one hand on his  _ dao  _ scabbard was disconcerting, I asked “Why the cautiousness?” His response? “We’re in a town that  _ could  _ be occupied by rebels. There’s no telling if we’ll get ambushed or not.” He was right, because… logic. Didn’t mean I changed the order of our troops or suddenly became more cautious. I kept riding. “We’ll stop at the town center and assess the damages.” In folktales, this would be the point where I would get ambushed and then heroically saved by a magically appearing force that wasn’t foreshadowed at any point prior to this.

Didn’t happen. Because sadly, armies don’t just magically appear and disappear at will. I raised my hand and stopped the procession of ostrich horses at the town center. Or rather, what remained of it. It had a large hole between the first and second story. The floorboard jutted out of the abyss and into the light. The stone holding up the second story had partially collapsed, turning what would be the secretary’s desk into a pile of rubble. Surprisingly, the door remained intact. The wall to it’s side obviously… wasn’t. Some earthbender blew the wall off inefficiently, leaving bits of stone overhanging nothingness. No townspeople had gathered, probably because our arrival was far too quick.  _ But what about the heralds that were supposed to inform them?  _

“Summon the heralds!” I commanded. The command ran down the line, all the way down to the vanguard who were stationed east of Laiyuan because that’s how large this force was. “There was nobody to inform, Your Majesty” the head herald stated. “I vouch for him, Your Majesty. The mayor’s dead.” one of the townsfolk who lived next door to the town center stated.  _ So there’s nobody to punish _ .  _ Well, on to come up with new plans then.  _

“The city of Fancun is quite large, Your Majesty.”  _ Yes, that’s what the map shows _ . General Song was a master of holding a war meeting while all involved individuals were sitting on ostrich horses. “We don’t need to go  _ into  _ Fancun-” I rationalized. “-we just need to surround it while our infantry support arrives.” “Assuming we  _ get  _ infantry support” Suki added, much to the Imperial Guard’s ‘we’re not supposed to laugh at that’ muffled snickering. “We will,” I mumbled, then asked a coherent question. “Has anyone received any word from General How?” “Not yet, Your Majesty,” came the answer.  _ Then we can’t attack yet _ . I looked around, looking for someone. “And General Iroh? Where’s he?” Song spoke for everyone else, saying “We don’t know, Your Majesty.” 

“You don’t know?  _ How _ ? Where could he have gone?  _ Why _ ? Didn’t he commit to helping us with this?” “He’s the Fire Lord’s uncle! Why would he care if we live or die!”  _ someone  _ in the force, an Imperial Guard whose name I didn’t know but had one very good singing voice, said. “Who said that?” I asked very loudly. The force of riders that were with us, regular Imperial Army riders, didn’t seem to budge. “So I’ll just assume a phantom said it?” I sarcastically asked.“He’s right!” a different Imperial Guard said. “Ignore them,” the General advised me. “Why ignore them?” I countered, annoyed that I wasn’t getting my answers.  _ I want to know who said that. I want to know what this unnamed person thinks _ . “We’ve got a siege ahead of us, Your Majesty” he said in that elderly advisor tone.

He was right, of course. We had a siege ahead of us. We planned the following: Our vanguard would ride towards Fancun, where we’d connect with whatever allied forces had made it through the disaster known as their officers. Once there, we’d send in the Dai Li for intelligence gathering and  _ some  _ harassment. They had secondary objectives, saving the Prefect and any survivors, assuming there  _ are  _ any survivors. We would then tighten the knot with infantry support, before mounting an offensive on the external ‘newer’ city. At the center of the ‘new’ city is a small wall dividing new from old. Considering our numbers of skilled earthbenders,  _ the Imperial Guard, namely _ , we posited that we could besiege the old town with the earthbenders. If they can bring down large walls or sap tunnels, then we can circumvent all regular battle strategies. But to do that, they can’t be injured or killed. For our credit, we outfit our best troops with decent armor, as seen by me surviving a flurry of blows to the chest while wearing such Imperial Armor. 

As for Laiyuan, we’d leave that to the Tea General, the Protector of the Parties, Jian. Surely he’s the most experienced at handling all these matters, right? Besides, considering how rebellions are vanquished, most of the land that we’ve already passed should be safe enough for food to be brought in.  _ Why not just race over to the Imperial Palace then? _ I’m the Emperor, I’m the One-Eyed Badgermole, and so on. I  _ could  _ let a bunch of Generals handle all this, or I could see - _ ha _ \- it be done myself. And, more importantly, if the Emperor just ups and leaves during a campaign like this, while nobody will ever hold me accountable,  _ I’m the Emperor _ , the people won’t forget. I’d rather the people remember me partaking in these campaigns than remember me sitting on a dining chair next to the world’s fanciest chair, having no involvement in anything.

Our night’s rest stop was obtained for us courtesy of our scouts and Major Zhihong, who informed us of villages between Laiyuan and Fancun. We’d camp outside one of these villages. On our way out of Fancun, we got more than just rousing applause and thanks from the townsfolk. Soldiers had flowers thrown at them, other soldiers probably got ‘lost’ to go spend a night ‘talking’ to the local villagers, yet others were offered beverages of a wide sort. No, this pales in comparison to something  _ even more entertaining.  _ We got…news. 

Two scrolls, courtesy a messenger hawk and a rider. I didn’t look at the seals, not just because I have one eye, but because I had a fun idea for a change. “Suki! How many gold pieces are we betting that it’s ‘things going wrong?’” “I won’t bet money on a losing bet, but I’ll challenge you” “Oh?” I countered, open for such a challenge. “When we get back to the Imperial Palace, inform Her Imperial Majesty about everything you did while gone, but make sure to emphasize that you did it for a blanket to give to her.”  _ What?  _ “That’s unfair, Sukes.” “It is  _ not _ ” she stressed the ‘not’. “You rode to a land with no Sun to get her a  _ blanket _ . If that isn’t the Imperial-Mandated definition of being in love, then I don’t know what is.” Immediately, my urge was  _ can I please get a whiskey? Must I hear this?  _ Oh, no, it gets  _ better _ . Because recall that, aside from the rest of this silly entourage of amazing warriors -including Nan,  _ you aren’t forgotten my good boy _ \- we also have a talented and doubly freaky acrobat. An acrobat who has the most innocent of characteristics. With such innocence, I’m surprised worse hasn’t happened to her. “That’s adorable!” said an innocent young woman chirped, and she clapped her hands.  _ Forget whiskey, I’d like to drink some concussion juice so I need not remember all this _ . Ty Lee was quite… optimistic?... about things looking ‘cute’ or people being ‘cute’ or people doing things for the sake of love. Granted, her idea of love and mine are different. I doubt she’d see loyalty to the reigning monarch of a continent-spanning Empire as a form of love. I think her love is more… well I don’t want to mention him because then he’ll write a play about it, but more Pu-On Tim-esque.  _ No, that’s an injustice to Ty Lee _ . No, her love is more… ‘Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool’ esque.  _ What was I supposed to talk about?  _ Oh, right, the letters. 

Do I retell the good news or the less-than-good news first?  _ Might as well do it in chronological order, eh?  _ So we received word from General How.  _ I know, I know, how great _ . Imagine  _ being  _ there when Suki told all of us riders that someone important in the Upper Ring actually responded to our letters written by a variety of hands and a variety of levels of inebriation. He  _ ‘regretted’  _ to inform us that Her Imperial Majesty was preoccupied with… going out on an Imperial Trip,  _ like field trips but better _ , to the northeastern Agrarian Zone with her pet and personal mount, His Highness, Lord Qiangyang. As such, General How informed us that a temporary regency for matters was in place, led by a Grand Chancellor -until Her Imperial Majesty’s return, of course- who was none other than Minister Bohai, the Minister of the Guards. _ Was this legal? Wasn’t this the Grand Secretariat’s job?  _ Who knew then. So how is this good news? While he couldn’t dispatch any of the hundred thousand standing men of the Army of the Center, they were drilling right now, he  _ could  _ dispatch aircraft and tanks and artillery. Did he have the men to operate those aircraft or launch projectiles out of the tanks or repair the artillery? Again, who knows. But he’d be giving us them.  _ And this is the good news. Spirits, no forget them, Agni please help us for the less-than-good news _ . 

Hearing the name ‘Longqing’ was enough to send me into a blood-filled rage.  _ Happy thoughts. Like executing traitors. Or seal jerky _ . Anyways, while we were in Fancun -we received the rider and the news just before dusk- our favorite Northern Corps commander had blundered into yet another rebel army. Now, I’m no expert on counting things, and I don’t even understand what these confusing ‘degrees’ are, nor why there’s a hundred and eighty of them but also three hundred and sixty but sometimes just ninety, but it’s simple hand-knowledge that  _ we  _ only faced one army while the Southern Corps, well we had yet to hear if they even existed in this world anymore, and yet the Northern Corps kept running into blobs of people who really, really, want to die. It’s simple counting that  _ something  _ is either going very wrong for the Northern Corps, or going very right for the rest of us. Or… rebellions are just chaos.

In a story that’s already been told, the peasants caused the problems, again. This time, they had stopped for post-lunch and prayers, a great combination, when… well…  _ ha… ha… ha… _ the… the peasants… they… they actually… rebelled. Not all of them, not that many of them, a few thousand, I believe. When Suki regaled us with the events, she also couldn’t keep a straight face. “You wouldn’t believe it, but the Army cut itself apart when a bunch of peasants got tired of being told to kill their brethren and tried to ‘get rid of corruption on their own.’” We didn’t believe it. All of us, Imperial Guards and Song and I...we just broke into laughter.  _ The Dai Li maintained their stone faces _ . But no, it was true. When she stopped laughing, I thought about it.  _ The peasants are illiterate, they’re fanatically spiritual, they’re being led by a bunch of toddlers with swords, why didn’t I think of that? Not rebelling against my Empress, but this as an eventuality. This is the Empire. We rebel against ourselves and millions die because someone wants someone else to sit on the Badgermole Throne. Or they don’t want any throne.  _

It started with some old man dressed in regular Imperial Army garb appearing on top of a nearby cliff, shouting  _ ‘Throw off your officers, my brothers! Our war against the opulent, fat, peasant-hating court official has only begun!’ _ Was this peasant part of the Imperial Army? Was he a peasant from the surrounding fields? As I said to Song, “If he’s wearing Imperial Army clothing, he’s not a regular peasant.” “So he’s probably a deserter from Longqing’s army.”  _ Probably? We don’t know where this mysterious figure was from _ . Whoever he was, it was by his action that death fell upon the encampment. Some peasants, those from a regiment located near the Serpent’s Junction, made the fight personal. To them, corruption was their own officers, and it was their own officers, anyone higher than a corporal, who were struck down while they sat there. 

The peasant that gave this strange speech vanished, to quote the report,  _ ‘like a phantom’. _ Said report mentions that ten riders were sent to catch him, nine were found dead of earthbending-related injuries. Earth pellets through the heads, throats slit by earth knives, with the tenth left with a broken leg. The old man who did all this ran off. A manhunt was started, with an entire regiment being ordered to chase this phantom down and bring him to justice.

“So we’ve got a rogue earthbender out-” and Song pointed northwards “-there.”  _ Yup _ . “A rogue earthbender who can take on ten men and win” Suki added.  _ Not that that’s a challenge _ ,  _ but still _ . The last thing  _ we  _ wanted to do was instill fear in our men, so beyond the Imperial Guard who were dining with us -the Warriors of Kyoshi and the Zheng ate elsewhere- nobody else knew about this secret earthbender who may or may not be a major threat to us. But that was the beginning of the story. So this peasant instigated a small rebellion. And because peasants are uneducated and… well peasants, the unrest spread like disease in a Imperial Army encampment. The unrest being a disease, and disease also being a disease. As this was during the day, and not the night, any would-be rebels would have to travel around to find said corrupt officers then kill them.

Longqing panicked and decided the best thing to do would be to take his ostrich horse and his bodyguards and anyone that  _ was  _ loyal and regroup around his camp. So a few thousand men regrouped around his camp. Now, most of the rebel forces were the people who heard this old man and chose to side with him, and most of  _ those  _ people were from the Serpent’s Junction regiments. When they and a few hundred other fruit pies marched on his camp, he deployed a man whose name is as famous as Longqing’s isn’t: Yali. 

Now, because Yali, Ding and most rational people were rational and  _ trained _ , they didn’t rebel. Led by their experienced leader, the heavy infantry of Longqing’s force locked shields and pikes and  _ marched against  _ the rebels. They could’ve held the line. They could’ve panicked and routed. They could’ve deserted. But no, they did what they were trained to do  _ and then some _ . They marched against the rebels and Yali let the idiotic horde skewer themselves trying to fight through his seemingly too-thin four man lines. Because if you’ve got a dozen men, or two dozen, or a  _ horde _ , then body mass would suggest that your side would win. But not with the heavy infantry. Not when their shields are planted, their stances are rooted, and they’re screaming their heads off to hold the line. Also not when you suddenly find a harpoon lodged in your fellow fruit-pie’s head. 

With the not-a-rebel rebel army crushed, they left the camp, marched south, and finally fought a rebel army. A real rebel army. As of receiving this at dusk, the two sides were locked together in combat with the more competent sections of Longqing’s army preparing to envelop. Would they win? Would they lose? It was late for us and  _ I  _ was tired, let alone the rest of my party. So I departed for my bed, a bed inside a villager’s house that she let me use because I’m me. We prepared for the possibility of this peasant rebellion, the Second, spreading further. Suki, knowing what  _ could  _ be coming, tightened security and kept her Warriors awake. Kotyan did the same with his Zheng men. 

I knelt in my room and offered a prayer to the Spirit of Death. A phantom able to bring down entire countries if he so willed it. A master earthbender. Tieguai the Immortal. “Please help us win.” Perhaps he’d hear my prayers, perhaps not. I don’t know. 

_ Tomorrow, it’s on to Fancun.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Siege of Fancun.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Things-Getting-Worse Folks:  
> -The chapter's title is a running joke within the chapter. Things just keep getting worse for Longqing's flank.  
> -There's no Geneva Conventions in the world of Avatar, but some organizations pride themselves on being more professional than other. The better military units of Avatar don't go on looting sprees. Not because of some morality that binds them all together, but because looting is distracting. Chasing treasure is distracting. Now... those that do go looting are quite proud of the treasures they find.  
> -Why bring all this looting up? It's part of Mori's maturation as a leader.  
> -The Shogun-defending firebender's dagger was seen in Chapter 1 of this very fanfiction  
> -There have been more than thirty two battles of Shigusi. Also, Mori's record is wrong, he said Shigusi but meant Fancun.  
> -Longqing's disasters are so rapid in succession that they are recorded as being like a black comedy. (So we marched south, then we destroyed our own tanks by accident, and our army was enveloped by men with sticks, then we torched our previous night's campsite...)  
> -The Grand Chancellor was a Qin-Ming era title akin to Prime Minister that was eventually replaced by Grand Secretariat in the Qing Dynasty. The two aren't the same thing. Grand Chancellor is a Sinicized version of Chief/Prime Minister (no, not Prime Minister in the western sense). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_chancellor_(China)  
> -The woefully inept Imperial Army's susceptibility to morale-breaking sage speeches is based on the real Green Standard Army's high rates of desertion. It's also based on the Imperial Russian Army, which was known for lots of disobedience and fanatical beliefs. I recommend this video to watch my basis for the bog-standard Imperial Army conscripts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Mdi_Fh9_Ag 
> 
> \- - - - - -  
> Appendix on who's who in Jian's Coalition: Commandery written like THIS, Town written like ' T. of This: ', Name written like {This}. Rank written like (This).  
> Appendix on titles:  
> Col. = Colonel.  
> Sr. Col = Senior Colonel.  
> Sgt. Gen = Sergeant General  
> Lt. Gen = Lieutenant General  
> First number is age, second is number of men brought along.  
> QIXIAN:  
> T. of Qixian:  
> \----Jian of Line of Yuan (Lt. Gen), 28 - 30K! - Protector of Boshan, Head of Coalition  
> \----Zhihong, (Maj.) 40, Jian’s vanguard - - - 2k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Renxian, (Sr. Col) 38, Jian’s left - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Yi, (Sr. Col) 30, Jian’s right - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Ying-Xun of Line of Kui, (Sr. Col) 32, Jian’s center - - - 14k - Wang’s younger brother  
> \----Hui-Yan of Yuan, (Col.) 26, Jian’s rear - - - 4k - Younger cousin to Jian  
> \----Wang of the Line of Kui, 34 - Magistrate of Boshan - Boshan  
> SERPENT'S JUNCTION:  
> T. of Gaijin. {Laquan} (Sgt. Gen), 30 - - - 10k - Defensive  
> BEIXIAO:  
> T. of Wangmiao: {Yali} (Sr. Col) of Line of Tianxiao, 32, - - - 8k  
> T. of Xiajin: {Junshi} (Sr. Col), 38, - - - 7k  
> DATAN:  
> T. of Qingliangian: {Ding} (Sgt. Gen) of Line of Jin, 35, - - - 10k - Commander of the IN BSS's Naval Infantry contingent (basically the Marines)  
> T. of Zaqqiang: {Qingde} (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 6k  
> YUNZHONG:  
> T. of Jinan: Luo (Sr. Col), 27, - - - 8k  
> T. of Zhonggong: Yizhi-Lee (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 5k  
> NIU JU:  
> T. of Ulanqab: Longqing (Sgt. Gen) , 31, 12k  
> T. of Kuinaixi: Lun (Sr. Col), 34, 8k  
> YUCI:  
> T. of Keifeng: Hongji (Sgt. Gen), 29 - - - 10k  
> T. of Jiaozhou: Tugor-Jun (Sr. Col), 27 - - - 9k  
> T. of Yinping: Jiuling (Col.), 25 - - - 4k  
> XIAODIAN:  
> T. of Luliang: Yixing, (Sr. Col) 27 - - - 7k  
> T. of Yulin: Yu-Suogu, (Sr. Col) 30 - - - 5k  
> JINZHONG: Following are mostly riders.  
> T. of Zhumadian: Wenshunu, (Sgt. Gen) 33 - - - 10k - Commander of all Riders  
> T. of Gra: Huai, (Sr. Col) 24 - Gra - - - 8k  
> T. of Pingding: Yijian, (Sgt. Gen) 32 - - - 11k  
> \- - - - - - - - -  
> -PROVINCE OF BOSHAN, Jian's direct control, includes the commanderies of YUNZHONG, QIXIAN, XIAODIAN


	74. The Siege of Fancun (Or: One Man's Obsession With Telescope Tossing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Siege of Fancun!
> 
> Featuring lots of telescope throwing.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty:

“Artillery!” I didn’t even need to stomp the ground, just a mere shout. “Yes, Your Majesty?” came the man’s response. “Don’t give me ‘Yes, Your Majesty!’ I don’t want to see that city anymore, you hear me?” and I pointed at ‘that city’. “Yes, Your Majesty,” the nervous commander replied. “Then ensure I don’t” The man’s voice shook yet further. “Yes, Your Majesty!”. The commander of Jian’s mighty corps of artillery gave a wonderful shout of “Artillery!” and that time, _as opposed to when I asked_ , the artillerists comprehended the command. Those artillerists blew their horns and sounded their gongs. ‘The time to parley’ is something the Avatar might believe in. We don’t parley with rebels. Had we had that in the Emperor’s personal manual, that time would be over the moment the gongs sounded. The Avatar’s into peace and love and all that. I say, celebrate peace and love after all your enemies are a pile of ash. While the music of diplomacy bores me, I do fancy a different kind of song.

The chorus of artillery started as sixty metal tubes sent sixty stone shells soaring over our heads and into the city below. And let me say, that chorus sounds _nice_ . The chorus is beautiful. Just as Ning’s high voice compliments the Imperial Guard Choir’s main vocals, the little firework rockets complimented the bombardment. Those idiotic rebels _wanted_ to stay inside the safety of a city that wasn’t theirs. They wanted to hole up in a city instead of doing something smart. Like fleeing into the country. Or something even smarter. Like dying and saving us the price of the fireworks and blasting jelly. But they’re uneducated, so what _should_ I expect? And, all things considered, I couldn’t complain from on high atop this lookout’s hill. The sight was worth the nonexistent price to witness this performance of Imperial Might. Shells raining down on houses and improvised defenses. Occasionally, my ‘imported from the Colonies’ telescope let me watch an outpost tower get knocked down with a falling shell. Sometimes, I’d even get to see a defender get hit with shrapnel. It was great. All our money’s for a point and it’s _explosions_. 

The symphony of artillery had another stanza for all the operators to launch as fast as they could. Was it less imposing? Of course it was, watching one man hit a shell, then the man to his left blunder is hilariously disappointing. That’s why artillery doesn’t sing stanzas. It sings _choruses_ . “Captain of the Artillery!” I yelled, hoping to summon the man who _should be standing next to me_ . “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Can you _please_ instruct your men to...coordinate?” “I can try, Your Majesty” he said like this was something depressing. Like expecting a coordinated barrage was depressing. _I’m sorry for expecting too much from you. It’s not like it’s your job to do this or something_ . “Her Imperial Majesty would say ‘don’t try, just do it already.’” I put my foot down. “ _So do it already!_ ” “Yes, Your Majesty!” and this nameless man’s voice broke. That said, he took to accomplishing more than a whole _siheyuan_ of officers and their officers. He ceased the barrage, “Cease shelling!” and brought his battery officers over to him. _No, I didn’t bear witness to their dialogue, I’m standing up here watching enemy rebels emerge from their cover for a temporary respite_. 

Next time his hornman blew into that horn, the fifty-eight metal tubes, two had fallen off their platforms, launched another round of shells at the city. I was more interested in watching where they went, so maybe the rest of the artillery pieces broke, I didn’t care. Because, while I may have one eye, I’m sure even a blind person could take joy in the sound of crashing stones. _What does that even mean, you blood boiled by battle...fool?_ Like at Caldera oh so long ago - _wait, only a year ago? It feels like it’s been ten years_ \- the stone acted like grey rain. 

In one continuous scan with my telescope, the stone rain fell upon, including but not limited to: Buildings, their roofs, windows, the ground, the sorry excuse of a ramshackle wall these peasants had constructed with the finest Imperial furniture you can find in the poorest of the Lower Ring slums, more parts of a wall, things out of sight behind that ‘wall’, and of course, people. Nothing, and by nothing I mean nothing of what we’re bringing to battle out here because I can imagine a few people and one or two mythical creatures, scares peasants like suddenly finding a companion, or the entire platoon, crushed and or caved in by stone projectiles. People’s heads were surgically removed with shells the size of arms. It doesn’t matter how much armor you and your friends are wearing when a stone shell -made in the Empire- with a shatterable head comes crashing down. Not like these peasants wore anything beyond basic robes and tunics. They were _shredded_ and, well, it’s one of the greatest sights a military commander could live through. There’s something reassuring about watching well-trained men turn your enemies into nothing while taking exactly no casualties of their own. 

When those projectiles actually hit things, of course. Because this _is_ the Empire, and expecting accuracy is like expecting the blind Empress to learn to paint with anything other than the blood of her enemies. 

The first volley and the second volley were quite accurate. Shells and firework rockets hit walls, towers, ramparts, battlements, and sometimes even people. Did they deliberately aim at the ‘commander’ -he was dressed fancier than the rest of them- and his head? Maybe. One Wailing Yaling reduced the ‘commander’s’ house and the ‘commander’s’ entire group of friends to rubble. I’m sure they were good friends of his, some might even have had lives to go back to after _their treachery_ was done. Probably did. Sadly for them, I have a blanket to bring back to a young woman I’m in a close companionship with, and I’m bringing the full force of _one_ province of the Empire down on them. 

Did these artillerists know that breaking the gate down was both helpful, since we have a large force of nonbenders; and completely pointless, since we have earthbenders who can bend earth? I’m sure they did. I’m _sure_ of it. Definitely sure of it. Did they also know that striking some farmer’s house that was long vacant was useless? Did they know that they -by they I mean one piece- were hitting the same wall ten times because the earthbender operating the piece of technology forgot to adjust his tube? Did they know that hitting the ground _in front_ of the wall did nothing? Did they know that wasting _all_ the explosive shells that remained after the last genius battle on a random townhouse was a _great_ idea? I am just going to assume, Imperially assume, that these were all deliberate acts. I’ll Imperially assume that they were using their military training to make the best possible decisions. 

I’m also going to pretend that my subsequent ‘throwing of the telescope’ was _also_ deliberate. Because it’s not like I _wanted_ to, in a fit of rage, toss my telescope off a cliff. I had a specific spot with no artillery crew or soldiers underneath, since I _try_ not to take my anger out on humans, I take it out on expensive pieces of engineering. Unless they’re deserving of it. When one of the few competent men under my command spotted that, he did as his Zheng cousins would do, and ran down a hill to fetch a new one. Not that Kotyan’s distant kin even know, as Kubasar said, ‘Why Chief Hayashi looks in metal spear-shaft?’. Before Kotyan could make the ascent -he _could_ earth ramp his way up but he loves running almost as much as this one Empress I know- he was interrupted by a _different_ Captain. 

Or, I assume that the conical hat man leading his song and dance troupe of conical hats is a Captain. I just call people Captain when I don’t know their title. Or more accurately, forgot. This Captain took the new telescope from the man I know to be a Captain and brought it up to me… with a rock glove. He didn’t skate up here, no, no, no, he raised his hand, used some mind powers, and suddenly the rock glove was levitating next to me like an airbender on an air scooter. I _almost_ bowed to the utensil like it was the Avatar, since normally things don’t just levitate to my side, but I opted against it. Did I need the utensil to view the stone shells as they hit the city? Yes, of course, the city’s in the distance. Did I use it? Define ‘use’. If ‘use’ means ‘use as intended’ then not really, no. I’m proud of my good eye. If ‘use’ means ‘toss off a cliff when angry’ then, yes, I used this small piece of imported technology for its intended imported usage.

“You might not want to keep throwing those” my loving cousin chose _this point_ to approach me and recommend against this. “You mean after throwing away two of them here and four while on the road here, you think _maybe_ I shouldn’t keep getting _really, really, really, another really, annoyed_ , at the ‘special’ status of those who I command?” She slowly nodded, as if to stress those nods out. _Thanks, Sukes_ . “I’ll-” our discussion paused for ten _miao_ to watch a single shell soar past us and into _our stone siege shields_ , “-do that.” 

In less time than it took Suki to turn back towards me, I tossed the newest of the telescopes off the cliff. Because this isn’t a folktale, the entire artillery force didn’t just ‘stop’ because I tossed a telescope at the artillery commander. Because people aren’t that perceptive and soldiers tend to be busy doing soldier-y things. _And now their commander was lying in a pool of his own indignity_ . “Suki?” I called the woman standing next to me back over as I walked down the hill a bit to examine this commander’s blunt force trauma. _Unlike the blunt force trauma I’m experiencing watching this nightmare of lunacy_ . “Yeah?” she replied, chewing the scene with a casual tone. “Who… why are these little things so powerful as ranged weapons?” “I’m not from the Colonies, so I wouldn’t know.” As I repeated my question and her answer in my head, it suddenly hit me. It hit me like this thing hit this nameless officer’s head. _Because they’re the Colonies_ . _Versatility and adaptability. Also, more likely, they’re made of metal. Metal hurts._ “Nevermind, I got it.” “Well you’ve _got_ more than this poor officer,” my cousin quipped. _Thanks Sukes_. 

A side-tangent, I believe these tools were made with Colonial and Fire National officers in mind. The first officer that comes to mind, of course, is the legendary Admiral Zhao who was ranting about ‘going fishing’ and then vanished off the face of this reality. I liked hot tempers as much as the next servant of the Fire Lord, but not much screams ‘Insanely effective Admiral’ like that one time the Admiral -then a Captain- took to pretending to command a land force, and upon seeing them be defeated by a bunch of children with sticks, whacked his subordinate with a telescope and then snapped the telescope in two with his knee. Granted, I didn’t work where this ballad-worthy story took place, and I only heard it from... _fourth hand?_ ...sources. Then there were the other officers, land and sea, who had reputations for ‘applying force’ in the most literal sense. Sometimes with chopsticks, sometimes with an _ink quill_ . Anyone who claims that the Royal Fire Army _wasn’t_ led by deranged lunatics is… well probably either a Daimyo of one of the minor domains, or an official involved in the bureaucracy, or currently in the Royal Fire Army, or trying to win over favor with the Dragon Throne. 

Not to say there weren’t the occasional sane commanders, I mean Iroh got further than the rest, but the vast majority of the honor-obsessed nation were so obsessed with their own vanity that they… acted out. _You know what, the more I think about it, the more that they are just a bunch of Upper Ring schoolgirls who can firebend._ Side note to the side note: The Colonials tended to have more sane commanders. The Fire Nationals were very quick to report anyone for crimes that may or may not have existed and then execute said people. _Hey, say what I will, His Late Majesty, Fire Lord Azulon, ran a sane ship of people. He ran a sane ship until he started hearing voices that drove him mad. What he didn’t realize was those voices weren’t figments of his mind, they were agents of the Dai Li implanted to drive him crazy. Once his younger son took over, the entire high command turned into fruit-pies with the ability to light people on fire_ . Why say this? The histories will show that _before_ the late Fire Lord went crazier than a Kyoshi Island without his Clear Whiskey, his military was, shockingly, competent _and_ mentally there. Before. Now? I don’t know how the man obsessed with repetitive angsting, _sure beats repetitive pacifism_ , runs his military, and I guess I’ll have to wait until I get to Ba Sing Se to find out. _Wait, genius, I’m in Ba Sing Se_. I meant, until after these peasants die. 

When my mind returned to reality, a few truths had occurred to me: One, our artillery had expended _all_ of it’s explosive shells and was now utterly useless because while stone shells are adequate, we’d kill far more if they were ‘street pieces’, that is, sitting on the same street as the people it’s supposed to kill. Also, explosive shells are pretty and make a person into people, _that’s not how consummating a marriage between an artillery shell and a person works, but okay,_ and stone shells aren’t as pretty. Two, our artillery, when launching a mix of crash and kaboom, caused terror to drive the peasant horde backwards. That’s quite effective but it’s not as deadly as we need it to be. Three, explosive shells caused damage, stone shells aren’t doing that much to much of anyone. Combine that with the second note, and it means the stone shells aren’t doing much of _anything_ . Fourth… _do I even need a fourth?_ Fifth, the Dai Li standing in a creepy perfect circle around me reminded me that they exist and that _I can use them_ . And finally, sixth, I wanted to disobey Suki’s mature ideas, raise my _jian_ , and charge into that city and hack rebels from their arms. 

“Stop wasting all our easily replaceable _stone_ projectiles! We’re leading an army of tens of thousands, let’s use those tens of thousands!” I don’t know why I thought shouting at the knocked out commander was a good idea. _It’s not my fault, let’s blame a ethnic group over in the… I’m going to go with Dongfang… for this one_. Thankfully, for him, and for me, he had a subordinate standing exactly one foot away from him. I made sure to wave my telescope at him to remind this officer of what would happen if he _didn’t_ listen to my command. Nan gave him more of a questioning ‘Pets, please?’ glance, which confused the subordinate officer. But because Nan is the rank of Nan, and I’m the rank of _me_ , the officer listened to me and had his, well not _his_ _but they were his now_ , artillery cease. I wasn’t going to punish the wolf-dog who is capable of tearing a man’s arm off _and_ softly closing his mouth down on my palm to apply maximum saliva. He’s Nan. “You’re just upset at all this taking the speed of bureaucracy, right?” Nan responded with a bark of ‘I have no idea what you just said’, which, _I’m with you on that one._ Then he sat on his back legs and I gave him some head pats and scratches and received many hand licks for it. “Who’s a good boy?” “Woof!” “That’s right, you are!”. 

The chorus stopped and silence fell upon the mid-morning. Well… silence on our side. The Dai Li officer, _of course it’s him_ , was the one to say “Your Majesty, the enemy has chosen to retaliate to our singing with some of their own.” How he got behind me despite me being on top of a hill without making so much as a peep… I don’t know. “When you say singing, you mean ‘cries of terror and pain, right?” _Otherwise, where did they get the artillery for this from?_ The man and his ice-cold, _well stone_ , expression replied, neutrally, “Does Your Majesty not consider that to be singing?” “They’re screaming out in pain as parts of them are now located in other neighborhoods. Is that singing? If that’s singing, what does Her Imperial Majesty expect me to learn?” I didn’t expect him to answer a rhetorical statement.

And yet, he did. “I possess a chronicle on legally acceptably music, Your Majesty, perhaps one or two of these songs? I have courtship music, I have celebratory music, I have serenading romantic music, I have-” “Enough.” Then, quietly, I whispered, “I would like that book, though. I was told to learn to sing, so I _do intend_ to.” He bowed his head to me in a showcase of… _I don’t know, he’s being neutral_ . “My apologies, Your Majesty, I’m not carrying it on my person.” _What?_ “You mean the Dai Li robes aren’t a magically ever-expanding place to hide items?” 

He then pulled a flute out of his robe, as if to prove me wrong. “I just have this flute, Your Majesty.” _What?_ “Where… _how do you store that?_ ” “It’s a flute, Your Majesty. Flutes are thin and small-” I cut him off, not caring about the logistics of its size, but _how_ . “No, no, _how_ ?” “A secret compartment for storing musical instruments, Your Majesty.” _Huh?_ I shook my head from confusion. Then looked at this man and his flute. And shook my head again. “You’re something of a flutist?” I asked, wary of if what I was seeing was reflective of reality. The officer pulled his hat over his face, _what are you, blushing shyly at the compliment? What in the name of… actually no really. Kyoshi, what cactus-juice did you stick in your Dai Li creation potions? Was this the doing of the Immortal Tieguai? You know… considering his eccentricism, that… yeah it probably was his doing_ . _It’s something he would do._ I waved my hands about in an encouraging manner. “Go on then, play something!” “On my own, or as a group, Your Majesty?” he asked softly and un-Dai Li of him. “I don’t care!” and I waved my hands around even more. “I’m trying to listen to the sounds of my opponents trying to reattach their limbs!” 

So he did some hand command and the entire detachment produced musical instruments out of their robes. Mostly flutes, since I guess this was the Flute Division. But one man had a pipa, so...good for him. They took out their instruments, everyone had instruments, _don’t march off to war without them_ , and the Dai Li officer tapped his chin thinking of what to play. “Does Your Majesty have any picks?” “Something happy, I guess” I responded. This is normally the point where the Dai Li form lines and begin singing. This time, they didn’t. They brought up their instruments and the officer said “We’re waiting on Your Majesty’s go-ahead.” _I...sure, why not_. Nope.

I turned to my companion. “General Song! We _have_ men who can attack a city, or are they all drunk?” “No, Your Majesty, we happen to have volunteers. Personally, they all want to die.” “Well, let’s give them their wish.” _No that’s a stupid idea_ . “Are we still going with the plan from earlier, Your Majesty?” _Which plan? The ‘let's have everything assault the city’ plan?_ “The plan where we win?” I asked. “All plans assume that you win” Suki interrupted. I pinched the bridge of my nose and was glad I couldn’t firebend. “I meant to say,” I sighed, “‘the plan where we assault the city with everything in a methodical manner.’” The General nodded. “Indeed, Your Majesty.” _Okay the vague-ness is appreciated and all, but I’m about five miao away from tossing my latest utensil at someone who has nothing to do with this problem and then blame it all on him_ . “Just… you’re General Song, you’re a smart man. Initiate the plan of your choice.” “I’m on it, Your Majesty”, he bowed, turned around, and set off to go shout commands at a bunch of nameless men, well they have names but I don’t know them, who were all about to die. _Definitely_.

It’s not to say that I didn’t have a plan. I had a plan. Our men will use the stone shields… that are still there, that is, and skirmish with the enemies just inside the wall. Then our infantry will pour through one of the gaps that the artillery - _who just did their job_ \- have made open for us. We’ll advance into the city, the Dai Li will break out from the inside, the Imperial Guard will hang around to ensure there’s _some_ success somewhere, and the Kyoshi Warriors will… do things. Ty Lee’s a walking ‘cool earthbending’ nullifier. Toss her at a duelist, and if she doesn’t start romantically flirting with him, then she’ll probably kill him by accidental knee to the head. _That’s good enough for us_ . What remains of the Northern Corps will try their _hardest_ not to rout while holding the north in case of a sally attempt. And the Southern Corps? Well a detachment of sixty men and their officer _just_ arrived as Song began issuing orders. 

“ _This_ is Fancun, Your Majesty?” the officer asked when he arrived and after he kowtowed. That should’ve been the warning to us. “Where did you _think_ it was?” I asked the man with a map in one hand. “I… forgive us, Your Majesty” and he looked around at his fellow riders like he’d made a mistake. “Forgive you? For what?” the man was too busy feeling sorry for himself to respond. His sub-officer continued speaking for him. “We didn’t have any maps, so we _might’ve_ gotten lost.” I gave Suki a ‘might’ve’ glance, she gave me a ‘He’s clearly learning how to speak from his Emperor’. So the two blood relatives of Kyoshi sighed into their hands at the same time. I felt like a parent and that my progeny was… I don’t know, getting into trouble? No, making a little mistake, like hunting the wrong bird. _I remember that, Uncle. I thought you wanted me to kill a goose-duck, not a duck-goose. Imitating it’s voice with quacking didn’t help_ . _It’s alright, you didn’t scold me. We just had a different kind of dinner_ . Back to this well into adulthood officer. “ _Where did you go_ ?” I asked, imitating my uncle’s voice. “We...I think we confused north for east.” _I’m sorry, what?_ “You confused the north… _for the east_ .” “That’s right, Your Majesty.” _Right, right, of course_ . I leaned my head back, looked at the nice blue sky, and mouthed words and made hand gestures like I was wringing a piece of cloth, _or a neck_ . The sub-officer didn’t understand this, for my sake and his. “Where did you go?” He gulped. “We… well I was sent to find Your Majesty from… if this map’s correct… I was… southeastern Yunlicun.” _You’re…_

“You’re kidding me, right?” and I grinned. I turned around, and around, and pretended to be the agile Ty Lee as she and her creepy eyebrows spin around on her heel in circles, dazzling allies and seducing enemies, _and allies,_ all at the same time. Except I just spun around until I shook my nonbending fists with enough vigor to… do nothing but look intimidating. _Deep breaths. Deep breaths. You’re surrounded by competent people who are then surrounded by…_

“A bunch of cactus-juice addled noble’s children experimenting with courtship for the first time and _failing miserably_ !” Did that insult make sense? It made sense to Song, who was standing here and _was_ listening and also was laughing. Everyone else just looked confused. _As you all should_ . Then I came to a halt and fixed my posture so I was facing the man when I said the following: “Yun...li...cun… is on the _other side of Ba Sing Se_ ! _Are you being led by a comatose vegetable_ ?” “We’re...we’re being led by Sergeant General Yijian, Your Majesty.” _Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again. Exhale again. One more time. You can not do it. You can not do it._ “I didn’t ask for his name, I am asking if he’s a comatose vegetable.” “He… last time I was there, Your Majesty, he was mentally and physically healthy.” I held out my fist then pulled it back to my hip. “You know, nameless officer, I think the guy I caught sleeping with his attendant had more tactical knowledge than this Yijian. At least he _put on a robe_ and told me where the Lieutenant General’s stack of drunks was!” _I… Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale_.

“No,-” I put my foot down, “-you’re being led by a vegetable.” Then I pulled my telescope from my waist sash and held it. “Not a person, a vegetable. This size.” and I made sure he _saw_ the telescope. “This width”, I wrapped my hand around it, _either my hands are too big or this is a telescope for children_ , “and with _similar offensive potential_ ” and I withheld a striking blow. As an idiot once said, don’t launch a volley of arrows into the courier. Unless the courier happens to be an officer in the Imperial Army who has the ability to tell his commanding officer, well not tell but suggest, that _maybe_ they’re going the wrong way. 

“How does a vegetable kill someone, Your Majesty?” the officer rightly asked. “I have no idea, I’m sure Pu-On Tim would find a way.” I recommended the famed playwright since if he can make me even taller than I am, I’m sure he can put a blade on the end of a vegetable and suddenly the Melon Lord has a new weapon. _Suki, stop giggling. It wasn’t that funny_ . _You can’t use a vegetable for… wait no, you can… maybe… the logistics wouldn’t work but… you know what, Suki, you either haven’t spent enough time with Sokka in the past season and a half or spent too much time with him. And we’ve been away from the Palace for that entire period of time_ . _How… Suki… you can’t just use vegetables… Wait no, this one book I read… vegetables were written in the margins… you know what, Suki, you can’t read my mental thoughts, but know this. You owe me a whiskey._ An aside, my hands are too large for this telescope, but maybe that’s because I’m a Kyoshi Islander, not some short Takuan. 

“So your _entire army_ got lost? Did you kill anyone?” _Because if you did…_ “No, Your Majesty. We _did_ get some of the latest machinery from the Imperial Weapons Depots, though.” _Of course you did. Because it’s Yunlicun. The giant storage pit for planes, trains, and Imperial Siege Cannons._ “What weapons?” “New repeating crossbows, Your Majesty.” _Right, right… of course_ . _Not fast machinery, or tanks, or things that would benefit a mobile force. Repeating crossbows._ “Just...don’t tell me anything else you received...I’m-” I stopped to look at the lines of infantry forming up for this disaster waiting to happen, “-over here, leading an army of men who _have_ the right weaponry and are using it wrong.” _Just… stop talking, self. You’re only going to embarrass the Imperial Army any further. Not that that’s a hard accomplishment to pull off_. 

“Can you… please find Lieutenant General Yijian and tell him to bring his _entire army_ -” I sighed again, “-back to _the correct commandery_?” “Yes, Your Majesty” the man bowed. “Do I inform him of his new promotion, too?” I shook my head to try and figure out if he uttered those words. “What does that have to do with anything?” I asked. “Well… the new promotion, Your Majesty.” I turned to one of the only sensible people around me who wasn’t busy, one, holding a flute, two, organizing the offensive, or three, petting Nan. “Suki, what promotion is he talking about?” “I have no idea.” and she shrugged. _Ah, the Imperial catchphrase. ‘I have no idea’. Right next to ‘right right, of course’._ “Sure, go ahead.” and I waved him away. “Do that. Just _get back there and get him to get back here_.” “Your Majesty, a portion of his force already arrived. We were the scouts for Colonel Jiuling and his four thousand riders. Colonel Jiuling can be here within-” I turned towards the scared man and locked my good eye onto his. “ _Just do it._ ” and I turned him around with my hands and _slowly_ pushed him away. He walked away, spun around, kowtowed, rose, said “As Your Majesty wishes” before spinning back around and marching down the hill to remount his ostrich horse. Somewhere out there to our south, not that I could be bothered to look with my endless supply of breakable telescopes, we had _some_ reinforcements coming to arrive. _How very helpful. You bunch of drunk turtle-ducks._

“Skirmishers, move out!” the General yelled with his _dao_ drawn while he heroically stood on the edge of the hill. The crossbowmen and archers shouted affirmatives and moved out from our defensive position that was neither defendable or much of a position and towards the two hundred -or more, not like I counted- stone shields that they’d be skirmishing from behind. There were far less than two hundred left, mostly the fault of our own artillery, but we could pretend there were. Besides, the skirmishers had earthbenders with them and earthbenders can build new stone walls. Not long after he gave that order, Song turned back towards me and asked “May I join them, Your Majesty?” Reflexively, I replied “Sure, why not.” Because he’s Song, an old man with legendary martial prowess and personal mentor to me, I had no fear that he was going to die. On the contrary, I feel bad for the enemies. If the King of Omashu can lead his imaginary troops on the battlefield, then the Aged General can lead men that aren’t even his. Since Song was moving out, everyone who knew me knew what was coming next. 

“No, you _can’t_ join them on the offensive!” Suki said as I, cane in hand, strode towards my personal ostrich horse. “I’m not joining them on the offensive, I’m going to stay a _safe_ distance away and hit them with arrows. Like a true Emperor would. Like a true Kyoshi Islander would.” Suki groaned. _I know, reality tends to be infuriating sometimes._ “You’re from a dynasty of people who died doing stupid things, Sukes. It’s in your blood, too.” and I patted her on the shoulder. “The difference is…” but I interrupted her chance at being reasonable. “I’m going to go do it, and I’m telling you beforehand so you can tackle me off my ostrich horse at a later point.” and I, with the assistance of Kotyan and his stone steps, got on my ostrich horse. “You… _fine_ .” she said, disappointedly. She made the ‘I’m frustrated’ hand gestures, then, like me, took a breath or two. She pulled her katana out just enough to examine the blade and asked “Can I at least join you? We’ve got _shields_ .” “Sure!” I optimistically replied. So she did her finger-twirl-summoning and brought her Warriors together. “I think your recently added bodyguards would also like to join” and the former King of the Xishan gestured to fifteen men of the lands of Xishan. _Well, Zheng, but the point stands_ . “Everyone can join. It’s not like we’re marching into a _siege_. No, no, this is clearly a music festival.” 

“You heard His Imperial Majesty!” _oh no. You guys_ . The assassins were good at listening and, with flutes and a pipa and other instruments raised and ready to go, began _playing music_ . I rode down the hill and towards the slow-marching skirmishers, _flamboyance before reality, a good trait of the Imperial Army_ . So the Dai Li skated after me while… playing music. They weren’t singing, just playing instruments. You know who _was_ singing as I joined the skirmisher blocks? The skirmishers. The musicians played the tune on the flutes and the pipa _while sliding forward_ , and the crossbowmen and archers and benders sang along. 

_There lived a certain general not so long ago_

_He was big and strong, in his gaze a flaming glow_

_Most people looked at him with terror and with fear_

_But to the Crown Prince he was such a friendly dear_

_He could lead the masses like a preacher_

_Full of ecstasy and fire_

_But he also was the kind of teacher_

_The peasants could desire_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_Friend of Crown Prince Ling_

_There was a man that really was gone_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_The Kingdom's famed Conqueror_

_It was a shame how he fell on_

_He ruled the army and never mind the Throne_

_And when he was opposed, he'd break every bone_

_He missed court, he was busy getting hammered_

_When unleashing violence, he was enamoured_

_For the Crown Prince he was no zero_

_Though he'd heard the things Chin done_

_He believed he was a true hero_

_Who would teach his son_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_Friend of Crown Prince Ling_

_There was a man that really was gone_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_The Kingdom's famed Conqueror_

_It was a shame how he fell on_

_"This man's just got to go", declared His Majesty_

_But Crown Prince Ling begged, "don't you try to do it, please"_

_No doubt General Chin was near unkillable_

_Though he was a brute, his foes were quite killable_

_Then one day a woman of higher elevation_

_Stood her ground, she's not to blame_

_Fearing his reputation's degradation_

_Chin really came_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_Friend of Crown Prince Ling_

_She hit him with a strong air blast_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_The Kingdom's famed Conqueror_

_He stood his ground, mighty and steadfast_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_Friend of Crown Prince Ling_

_She didn't quit, she made the ground rumble_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_The Kingdom's famed Conqueror_

_And poor old Chin took a tumble_

Get this, this song’s beat is _perfect_ for marching. I can’t really describe _why_ , but every beat whether sung or not works wonders alongside a marching army. When I say marching, I’m talking about the people that were marching. The Imperial Guard… weren’t required to maintain the same kind of cohesion. “I know this song!” a bunch of them said at the beginning. Then Kotyan requested “May my men sing along?” in a completely serious tone. “Sure, why not” I replied, because… _I… who needs words for this?_ So the Imperial Guard sang along. As it turns out, I’m joined by a few members of the Guard Choir. Led by Ning, they ‘ran’ the chorus.

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_Friend of Crown Prince Ling_

_There was a man that really was gone_

_Chin Chin General Chin_

_The Kingdom's famed Conqueror_

_It was a shame how he fell on_

And that was only the beginning. By halfway through this catastrophe in the making, some, then most, then _all_ , the regular soldiers took to bobbing their heads with this song. Even as we came within arrow range of the like five peasants we hadn’t yet turned to paste, the Imperial Army _kept bobbing their heads_ . Bobbing their heads to the beat. The men at the back even began _dancing_ while marching. They threw their crossbows over their backs and began _clapping_ along to the flutists. And the Dai Li? Stiff faces. Stiff faces in the face of it all. Stiff-faced flutists.

When we finally reached the earthen shields, the men had to be ordered to stop dancing along and, courtesy of Song’s commanding voice, “Get into cover!” So they peeled off the line in the kind of coordinated confusion that makes you wonder whether they rehearsed this as a unit, or if some of them did, or if none of them did. I dismounted and joined them. The Dai Li, meanwhile, took to standing in the middle of the field. When peasant archers began trying to strike their _awesome_ tune down, they kicked up earth columns to protect themselves. Eventually, for… some reason, the officer started climbing up the wall with his earth boots and… well his feet were attached to the wall, but he looked more like a support pillar jutting out from the side. The difference being, he had a green tassel and a brown braid dangling like pennants from him and his mimicry of being a horizontal flagpole. _That’s what he is_ . He turned into a horizontal flagpole. And he kept his hands on his flute. Then the rest of the Dai Li _joined him_ in becoming horizontal flagpoles. Horizontal flagpoles who _kept playing their flutes_ . Why? It should be obvious if it isn’t, but I also have one eye so maybe it really is obvious to everyone else. _This is the Empire. The Dai Li Motivational Brigade applies to Ba Sing Se and Ba Sing Se alone. I think I just made that title up, but that just gave me an idea_ . _What if we had Dai Li in all armies, singing and playing music? That’d be good for motivating the troops._

Anyways, it turns out, like everything else when it comes to battles, that I was wrong in my random of-the-moment guess that there were only _five_ enemy peasants. When the crossbowman next to me stuck his head out of cover and got his head stuck through with an arrow, I reconsidered that _maybe_ there were more. He also stuck his head out for far too long. I shared my wall with Song and a dozen skirmishers. The Kyoshi Warriors were in cover at a wall behind mine. The Imperial Guards were… somewhere else. The Zheng men had joined their King, I guess. I don’t know. The Kyoshi Warriors aren’t as effective at range, _thus having Fire Lady Mai go train them in throwing daggers._ Correction, they’re probably adequate at throwing daggers, not that good with crossbows. Anyone from Kyoshi Island has to wield a bow, but they spent their days in the dojo, not bowhunting... _the point is, they’re not in any position to try and attack the enemy archers. We are_.

Now, normally, and by normally I mean in a folktale, we’d let all the nameless men die first before heroically saving the day. But as cruel as I am as a commander, I’m not _that_ dumb. These are archers and crossbowmen, we’re going to use them to their fullest extent. _We want to swamp the enemy with numbers, but… let’s use the people who might actually be decent at ranged combat first? No?_

I took my bow off my back and quickly examined my quiver. _Twenty arrows? Really? You expect me to go through this entire battle and only kill twenty people? What genius took that quiver? Wait, don’t answer that, it’s you_ . “Song, you take the left!” “On it!” and he _also_ took out his bow and the two of us prepared to ‘lead’ the archery volleys. He nocked an arrow, leaned out from behind cover, and _thwicked_ it at someone. The whole attempt took a _miao_ . I opted to do the same. _Nock, draw_ , I ducked out of cover, _aim_ , _thwick_ . _Thwick_ and a _tap_ sound, which I found out, was, in fact, an enemy arrow bouncing off my armor. So I ducked back _into_ cover and grabbed their arrow. At least the archer that tried to kill me took an arrow to the chest. And because he’s some peasant, he wasn’t wearing much chest protection beyond a robe. _He’s probably dead_.

I repeated the process with Song -other men would change places with us- and watched him launch an arrow. An enemy huddled behind a table grabbed his _throat_ and fell over. _You just… from this range. You…_ I went back to my archery. _Nock, draw, aim, thwick_ . Snagged someone’s chest while he pointed his bow at a nearby shield. I went into cover, other archers hopped out of it to hit them while I was nocking a new arrow. _Nock, draw, your target’s that wall, so aim is covered_ . I leaned back out and put an arrow through a hole in the wall where a couple enemies… _javelin_ throwers… were standing. My arrow, or maybe someone else’s, struck a javelin-thrower in his jav-hand. Then one of the archers had a good idea. He was an earthbender, and he punched a few holes in _our_ wall so we could launch arrows and bolts from behind cover. Arrow slits. _Smart_.

This nameless archer wasn’t a genius, he was just employing standard siege tactics. He made enough holes for the still living number of men to use. And we used them. Except Song. He stood up, ran _out into the field_ , _jumped_ , and released three arrows in quick succession into three different men. _But… you’re old. And rotund. How?_ Then I remembered his lesson on ‘Short draw’ and how he used to carry multiple arrows in his bow hand and… _that’s how_ . Was I going to imitate it and attempt to showcase growth in achievements? No, I’m not stupid. Not _that_ stupid. _Nock, draw_ , I looked through the arrow-slit, _aim, enemy archer hiding behind someone’s grandmother’s dressing cabinet_ , and _thwick_ . The arrow went through the gap and hit him. Maybe it wouldn’t kill him, but I counted it as a kill because _it’s not like they have healers and we’re about to run in there and slaughter them, anyways_. Speaking of…

“Infantry!” Song yelled over the sounds of battle, or rather, the chorus of men dying. He got no response, for there’s too many people to constitute a response. The infantry, for their credit, were hiding behind the much larger siege walls that could house double the best of _our_ siege walls. As part of the siege plan, after the skirmishers arrived, the infantry would come to prepare for a charge. And they did, because their officers listened to Song. “Charge the wall! Take the wall!” Song yelled before, on his own, jumping out from behind cover. “You’re crazy!”, I, the Kyoshi Islander known for being crazy, declared. Not that Song cared. Song was busy… being Song. He single handedly ran towards the gatehouse, nocking, drawing, aiming and dropping enemy archers _merely as he approached_ . For being sixty-something, he was a very good runner and crossed the… what, _three hundred feet?..._ between us and them in much less time than he should. _Good on you, Song_. In the meantime, I hit two more enemies. Two archers, popping out from cover and aiming at other targets, exposing their sides to me. 

Now, a smart person would tell me, the Emperor, to not run on a broken or rather recently healed foot. But whoever that smart person was… they weren’t present to _stop_ me. _Sukes_ . I wasn’t going to copy Song and run out there, alone, because I’m a bright blue ‘please kill me’ sign and he’s more of a ‘well that’s an old man what’s an old man going to do’ sign. And he’s fast. So when the tidal wave we like calling the infantry column poured out from behind the siegeworks, I joined them. I raised my _jian_ , cried “Ten Thousand Years!” and the blob of spearmen, _ji_ -wielders, mostly, cheered “Ten Thousand Years!”. Did I feel the pain in my foot? Of course I did. Did I admit it? Why would I do that? Did I trip and fall over from the pain? _That’s for later, but for now, Imperial heroics!_

We reached the large gap in the wall that was now a line of dead peasants with bows clutched in their hands. The street that this wall protected gave way to a series of obstructions. A couple of them were mentioned before, but now that I had gotten here and that my adrenaline -courtesy another two arrows, one bouncing off the chest and one bounced off my torso- finally kicked in, I was able to properly assess this situation and then _lead_. There was a row of tables placed in a wall-like formation blocking up the street. The infantry blob split up. Now that we were ‘inside’ the city, we had lots of places to get to. Nobody ordered platoons to break off, and part of me believes that human nature -raiding, looting, and so on- spurred them on. Maybe, just maybe, Song planned all this beforehand. I know he planned the siege beforehand, but the nuances are left to the on the ground officers, I guess. As for this improvised wall of tables, there were a bunch of men behind the table, spears out in a spear wall formation. Did Song stand here and let them thrust their spears in his general direction? No, why would he? 

Song pulled a quiver off a dead archer, or to be specific, pulled a couple arrows out. He stuck the arrows in his bow-hand and went into a full-on sprint towards the wall. He released one, then another, then another, all in stride. And each arrow struck one of the spearmen in the head or neck. “Over the wall!” he yelled, throwing the Yuyan Captain’s bow over his back and _drawing his dao_ . The rest of us cheered, even Nan howled, and ran for the wall. The spearmen had this look of _terror_ in their eyes as the first of our infantry force hopped the wall. Not everyone could make it, meaning I and my height meant I was one of the first people over the wall. 

_Pi-i-ing!_ The enemy spearhead was caught in my _jian_ . One side-slice and I pressed his spear away, then thrust my blade forward and took him out of the fight. There were more. Five men to be specific, since my bright blue armor was a great target, and these people aren’t going to attack one at a time. _That’s for the folktales, Pu-On Tim_ . What they didn’t expect from my flamboyant dress was that I knew how to wield a _jian_ . I blocked four strikes -driving their speartips into the dirt- and stepped to the side of the fifth. I then engaged in a _swing, parry, swing, parry, slice, parry parry parry, slice, parry, swing, block and parry, swing and slice, block, parry, block, slice_ , ending with a _block, block, thrust_ . One thing I love about a _jian_ is how lightweight it is. One man might come at me with a spear, I block his strike, then immediately swing my blade around and block another two. Sure, some of their strikes hit, but they hit my armor. Unless I’m being hit with a specific type of arrow or a crossbow bolt, most common nonbender weapons won’t do much more than tickle me. Not that they knew this. Not that anyone thinks that deeply about these things in the middle of close quarters combat. Soon enough, our side had won and we could keep on going.

We found ourselves fighting the errant rebel or two as we ran down this larger than average street towards the tall spire that marked the spiritual centerpoint of the old town. And by errant rebel, I mean people trying to ambush us from the alleyways. It was more than one or two, but master earthbenders made it feel as insignificant as one or two. While we ran, I had the Dai Li go do as they were originally intended to do: “Get into the old town and save any survivors you can while causing as much chaos as you can!” The Dai Li officer had his men put away their instruments, the whole bunch of them bowed to me, and then they vanished down a side alley. Were they going to tunnel there? Jump from rooftop to rooftop? I don’t know. At this point in the engagement, my good eye and thus my attention was only focused on what was happening in front of me. 

As we reached the commercial district, specifically a central marketplace for the new city, Song had us halt because of the cry “Rebels up ahead!” Sure enough, on the other end of the marketplace, where the market thinned back into a street, a wall of tables and other such objects were built. Not built… formed together to appear like a wall. We stopped and reassessed our numbers. Namely, Song declaring “Where did the Army go?” at me and the rest of the men to my side. I pondered what he had said, turned around, and realized that he was _right_. 

When we started the offensive into the city, we must’ve had a thousand men bunched up together in an endless wave of men. By the time we were here, we numbered...what, a hundred? One hundred fifty? It wasn’t conveniently low enough to leave us totally depleted, we _were_ the main liberation force, but it wasn’t as high as Song, _clearly_ , and I, _also_ , might’ve thought. “Did we lose that many men to the rebels popping out of houses?” I asked. “No, Your Majesty, I think they took to liberating the rest of the city.” _‘Liberating_ ’. I hoped for his sake that they were liberating the city and not liberating possessions from the city. 

I looked over at the rebels behind the wall and quietly stated “They’re gathering into a formation.” This attracted Song’s attention and he mumbled something beneath his breath. “So are we attacking?” one of the officers that had stayed with us, a Sergeant most likely, asked in his Boshan accent. “We’re attacking” Song and I said at the same time. Song walked up to and through -they parted for him- our attack group. Why? Was he going home? No, that’s dumb. He jogged down the street about a hundred feet to pick up a quiver and restock his arrows. Then he ran back. He handed me three extras as “There’s not enough room in my quiver” and I accepted them. 

A quick reassessment, head-count, of our forces revealed that the Captain of the Imperial Guard was with us. _Also the Kyoshi Warriors._ “Kotyan!” “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Where’s the rest of the Imperial Guard?” “Reserves, Your Majesty.” _Oh. Oh._ “But the Zheng Guard are here, Your Majesty” and he yelled something in the Xishan dialect and suddenly fifteen axes were thrust into the air. _Good_ . I looked at the wall, then back at the Zheng. _I have an idea_ . “Kotyan!” “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Take the Zheng, flank around that blockade.” Song wondered the following out loud: “Why, if I may ask, Your Majesty?” _Easy_ . “We’ll be the anvil,-” I raised a hand, “-they the hammer” and dropped said hand on my knee. _Ow_. “Oh…” and he pulled on his beard. “That’s… a really good use of resources. Your Majesty.” “Thanks, I’m just using a strategy you love.” He gave himself a good chuckle. One of those ‘I’m glad someone remembered me’ chuckles. It’s true. I’ve studied his techniques. “Let’s go!” Song ordered. Kotyan yelled something and took his fifteen hunters out down a sidestreet while Song pulled out his bow and put an arrow in the drawstring. 

We ran across the marketplace and encountered a bit of a problem. A very large number of _chairs_ . Chairs thrown about between us and the wall. I know, sounds stupid. Chairs aren’t the Empire’s greatest enemy. Except… when you’re leading a band of, let’s go with, a hundred and thirty five men and twelve women and part of what makes those hundred and thirty five men and twelve women work is that they can maintain formation, chairs throw a… well… chair into things. Why? Chairs are mere objects. They’re not tied down, so you can’t just step onto them and step over them. _I mean, you can, but it’s more likely that you’ll trip at some point_ . Since they’re large, trying to throw them out of the way _would_ work. Until you remember that a hundred and thirty five men and twelve women are forming a wide charging line, _we didn’t really plan how we’d charge, but I would guess many of the infantrymen packed in for formation’s sake_ , and that charging line’s going to encounter chairs that other people threw about. And you remember that throwing the chairs around takes time. Lots more time than one would think. When I hit a chair and toss it to the side, that’s suddenly someone else’s problem. How did we resolve this? We didn’t.

We got stuck in a traffic jam. Our line was probably fifteen or twenty wide, and it broke off into twenty one-man wide columns rat-snaking their way through the obstructions. If that wasn’t bothersome enough, _it gave the enemy time to form a proper spear-wall with multiple lines and everything_ , the enemy also had an odd assortment of ranged men on their side. The street was bordered by buildings, and as we learned from Caldera, the buildings can sometimes be populated. When they are, it’s not good for the attacker. This wasn't a Caldera-scale of firebenders with relentless fire volleys, but there were still archers peeping out of open shutters and launching arrows at our oncoming wave. Worst of all for our side, our wave was no longer a wave. 

So how did we handle this? I took out my bow, _nock, draw, aim at the window, wait for man to look out, thwick_ . Right into his unarmored head. Song, in the meantime, hit a man in a left-side window, then swiveled and struck a right-side window. One to a _miao_ each. The enemy archers weren’t that accurate, possibly because they stole these bows, possibly because the circumstances of a battle mean not everyone’s an expert. I spotted another archer in a second story right-side window. He drew his bow back, I loosed my arrow, he fell out the window, clutching the arrow lodged in his chest. Were all the archers dead? Probably not. Nonetheless, our ever smallening force had finally reached the low wall. Which meant _it’s blade time_ . I swapped bow for the beautiful sound of an unsheathing _jian_ and yelled “Ten Thousand Years” as I ran to and hopped the low wall. _That’s a perk of being tall_. “Ten Thousand Years!” the rest of the small force shouted. The final battle of the day, for us at least, began. 

Our _ji_ -men struggled to jump the wall in a similar situation as to what happened a few thousand feet behind us. But this time, it _felt_ like we met a much larger force. I don’t know. I do know that I ended up at the front lines and suddenly took a spear to the chest. Oh, I wish I could capture that man’s face when he saw that his ‘spear’, a bamboo headless shaft, innocently pressed up against my armor. He dug his feet into the earth in a nonbending kind of way and tried to _shove_ me off him. I did a simple _swing_ and cut his stick down to size. Then I outstretched my arm in a swing and cut his head open. The other men we were facing were also armed with what felt like a reservist’s nightmare, a stockpile of odd farming equipment pieces and walking sticks. Despite this, they were still able to form a ‘pike’ wall and that counted for something. They could push the few of us that got past back and _sometimes_ even stab one of the men in the face or trip his leg up. One of the four men I faced tried this. I picked up my foot with an inhale and _dropped_ it with an exhale, smashing the stick with my boot-laden foot. In doing this, I put far too much pressure on my healing foot and I _felt_ that. Nan helped me out, jumping up and ripping a ‘spear’-wielder’s hand off. 

In the meantime, Song had managed to get himself pressed up against a wall with about ten men crowding him in with their weapons. He was taunting them with “You don’t want to do this” so the ten men attacked roughly at the same time. He blocked some sticks with his arms, tore a spear out of one man’s hands and started spinning it around like a propeller or the Avatar blocking a fireblast. His spinning was actually blocking their strikes. As I cut through my fifth man of this spear-line, _a strike that cleaved his arm off followed by a thrust at his chest_ , Song lobbed the spear he was using like a javelin, bonking one of the… _eight_ … remaining men in the face. He then drew his twin _dao_ as one piece. They were blades that belonged to _royalty_ , and had the crimson hilts to show it. 

When he drew them, the blades were snapped together and he used it like a normal _dao_ , swinging around and cutting at anyone who dared get near him. His free hand pulled a spear off one more of these genius attackers and he began fighting with spear and _dao_ at the same time. As I blocked my eighth enemy, he tossed his spear away and broke the _dao_ into _dao_ . He swung the blades around him, his head, and out to the point that he appeared to be a dancer. _A dao dancer_. I think there’s a sword fighting style like that. 

Within _count ‘em_ , ten _miao_ , he killed the remaining _five_ men with a bunch of direct swings. As he chopped his way through the rebel line, he mimicked waterbending with slower, calculated, motions. Was the battle over? No. Were we about to die? Dead rebel number ten would disagree. It didn’t matter.

On the right, _our right_ , one of the ‘rebel commanders’, a man issuing orders, suddenly found his head half cut open with a _dao_ blade. Then his bodyguards found themselves to be the recipients of axe strikes to the head. A _lot_ of axe strikes. A lot of strikes to their unhelmeted heads. The Zheng men were splitting their heads like one would split a log. 

Kotyan took to earth-pillaring himself and jumping _into the middle_ of the rebel line. The first man who didn’t have his shoulder cut open with a _dao_ found his head being caved in by Kotyan’s earth fists. Kotyan even bit into a different poor criminal’s throat. And _this,_ this, was what sent the rebels into a full-scale rout. Song -and I for a short time- could keep launching arrows, Kotyan and others could give chase on foot, but who did what didn’t matter.

We didn’t know it then, but the Siege was won.

It was unceremonious, it wasn’t very noteworthy, it’s not going to go in the history books, but it was won.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we conclude the operation, and Mori finally  
> Finally  
> Finally  
> Brings his blanket home.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Telescope-Tossing-Folks  
> -This chapter's a half-day time-jump into the future.  
> -This chapter shows Mori really, really, being tired of the Imperial Army's stupidity, juxtaposed with his pleasure at it's greatest successes (i.e. artillery).  
> -Ning's the name of an Imperial Guard who loves singing.  
> -Mori's telescope throwing inspired by https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zinovy_Rozhestvensky , famous for leading the Second Pacific Squadron. They're a story unto their own.  
> -"legally acceptably music" means music the Dai Li allow people to sing. Because... censorate.  
> -This Dai Li agent was carrying a flute around. Because he's a flutist.  
> -Lao Ge did invent pockets to store musical instruments.  
> -The 'promotion' was Mori misnamed Yijian as a Lieutenant General when Yijian is only a Sergeant General.  
> -The song about General Chin is based on "Rasputin" by Boney M. All credit to them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYnVYJDxu2Q  
> -Normally, mentor characters die. I see no reason for Song to die, he excels at combat, so might as well let him show off his excellence.  
> -
> 
> \- - - - - -  
> Appendix on who's who in Jian's Coalition: Commandery written like THIS, Town written like ' T. of This: ', Name written like {This}. Rank written like (This).  
> Appendix on titles:  
> Col. = Colonel.  
> Sr. Col = Senior Colonel.  
> Sgt. Gen = Sergeant General  
> Lt. Gen = Lieutenant General  
> First number is age, second is number of men brought along.  
> QIXIAN:  
> T. of Qixian:  
> \----Jian of Line of Yuan (Lt. Gen), 28 - 30K! - Protector of Boshan, Head of Coalition  
> \----Zhihong, (Maj.) 40, Jian’s vanguard - - - 2k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Renxian, (Sr. Col) 38, Jian’s left - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Yi, (Sr. Col) 30, Jian’s right - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Ying-Xun of Line of Kui, (Sr. Col) 32, Jian’s center - - - 14k - Wang’s younger brother  
> \----Hui-Yan of Yuan, (Col.) 26, Jian’s rear - - - 4k - Younger cousin to Jian  
> \----Wang of the Line of Kui, 34 - Magistrate of Boshan - Boshan  
> SERPENT'S JUNCTION:  
> T. of Gaijin. {Laquan} (Sgt. Gen), 30 - - - 10k - Defensive  
> BEIXIAO:  
> T. of Wangmiao: {Yali} (Sr. Col) of Line of Tianxiao, 32, - - - 8k  
> T. of Xiajin: {Junshi} (Sr. Col), 38, - - - 7k  
> DATAN:  
> T. of Qingliangian: {Ding} (Sgt. Gen) of Line of Jin, 35, - - - 10k - Commander of the IN BSS's Naval Infantry contingent (basically the Marines)  
> T. of Zaqqiang: {Qingde} (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 6k  
> YUNZHONG:  
> T. of Jinan: Luo (Sr. Col), 27, - - - 8k  
> T. of Zhonggong: Yizhi-Lee (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 5k  
> NIU JU:  
> T. of Ulanqab: Longqing (Sgt. Gen) , 31, 12k  
> T. of Kuinaixi: Lun (Sr. Col), 34, 8k  
> YUCI:  
> T. of Keifeng: Hongji (Sgt. Gen), 29 - - - 10k  
> T. of Jiaozhou: Tugor-Jun (Sr. Col), 27 - - - 9k  
> T. of Yinping: Jiuling (Col.), 25 - - - 4k  
> XIAODIAN:  
> T. of Luliang: Yixing, (Sr. Col) 27 - - - 7k  
> T. of Yulin: Yu-Suogu, (Sr. Col) 30 - - - 5k  
> JINZHONG: Following are mostly riders.  
> T. of Zhumadian: Wenshunu, (Sgt. Gen) 33 - - - 10k - Commander of all Riders  
> T. of Gra: Huai, (Sr. Col) 24 - Gra - - - 8k  
> T. of Pingding: Yijian, (Sgt. Gen) 32 - - - 11k  
> \- - - - - - - - -  
> -PROVINCE OF BOSHAN, Jian's direct control, includes the commanderies of YUNZHONG, QIXIAN, XIAODIAN


	75. Imperial Birthday Presents (Or: A Blanket, a Banner Army, and a Bunch o' Blades)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After far, far, far too many chapters, Mori finally finishes his campaigning and he gets to go back to the Imperial Palace.
> 
> Next chapter, we go back to the Imperial Court. Some things have changed. Some things never change.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty One:

In classic Imperial fashion, our coordinated attack on Fancun turned into a confusing mess of a mix between a slaughter and a ‘whoops hit you with my crossbow bolt’ incident. That was not to say that we  _ lost _ , or that the troops failed at their given duties, but there were enough people who had no idea what was happening that resulted in, get this, a force of people who had no idea what was happening. And since they didn’t know, let’s say, that  _ my  _ infantry, all one hundred and twenty five of the men that joined me on my idiotic frontal charge, were standing outside the ‘gatehouse’, a raving mob of men with standard issue equipment came charging up to us only to come to a screeching ‘carriage stopped by an earth spike’ halt upon seeing their Emperor sitting on a stone seat. Their Emperor also happened to be  _ about  _ ready to throw his telescope -courtesy Kotyan- at someone. So… yes, that kind of accidental slaughter. Sieges aren’t known for their coordination. Let alone in the Empire, where we’re releasing a torrent of peasants armed with sharpened sticks to go fight a torrent of peasants armed with sharpened sticks.

For, while the Dai Li came popping out of the walls soon after, reporting that the _entire_ rebel ‘garrison’ of the ‘old town’ was eliminated, they were, regrettably, one of the few competent agencies during this siege. At some point after a small mob, previously raving, gathered around me, the Kyoshi Warriors returned from chasing down a different mob of enemies. And by returned, I mean they strolled in, lacking much of any decorum, _see, Imperial Guards_ , and their Captain ran up to me and _almost_ scolded me in front of the entirety of our ‘elite’ forces. Why didn’t she? She noticed the crowd, of course. Kotyan and his Imperial Guards, in the meantime of this all, became statues and held their spears out properly. Suki spent an obsessive amount of time looking at my foot as if it’s just pop right off, like a head being grabbed by Kotyan, _any miao now._ Get this… it didn’t. At around the same time, the reports began coming in.

Let’s go south to north, so my mind doesn’t disintegrate from all the stupid  _ immediately _ . The Southern Corps finally arrived. All four thousand of them. Four thousand out of an army in the tens of thousands. This was the entirely of the Southern Corps located in the correct commandery, at least. Their riders did quite well at their intended job of chasing down routing enemies. They chased them across the farmland around the city and cut down these untrained rebels with their lances and  _ dao _ . Why throw riders against enemy infantry? The peasants weren’t braced and they weren’t packed together, and riders always do well against unbraced loose formation  _ militia _ . No, militia is an honor for these people. They’re just peasants. Because those unwashed farmers with  _ bamboo sticks _ , pitchforks, hammers, scythes, blacksmith’s hammers, and the occasional farming sickle, are such high-threat targets, the riders wasted most of their lances on such enemies. I know, not every rider has a weapons-bearer, a young man to carry his weapons for him, but…  _ why not?  _ I saw the Southern Corps, or to be specific, this branch of the Southern Corps. They were men with full barding on their ostrich horses, they wore armor, while less fancy than the Imperial Guard, looked to be quite protective. Now, it’s fully possible that this  _ one  _ military unit, this one Colonel, could arm and armor his riders quite well. It’s quite possible that the rest of the Southern Corps didn’t have the same luxuries. But this is the ‘standing garrison’ which is a polite way of saying ‘the standing army that goes out and kills things’. Boshan has a large population.  _ Where are all the resources pooled?  _

Back to the offensive maneuvers, since that’s the tangent I meant to go on, after wasting most of their lances, they took to riding into Fancun. The credit I can and will give the Colonel is that his shock riders  _ smashed  _ multiple ‘units’... _ ha, ha, no, that’s an honor… _ ‘multiple blobs of looters’ with very few or no casualties. His riders routed nearly everything they came across with cycle charging and envelopments. They faced issues in dealing with the plentiful number of chairs tossed about on the battlefield, but they dealt with said issues by flanking. And more flanking. So far, so good, right? Riders did their job, save for the oddity of lack of arms-bearers. 

Further north, the Kyoshi Warriors and elements of the Imperial Army winged right and took to parts of the southwestern and southern city. I had ordered them to peel off and assist with the rest of the operations, and they went to do just that. They came upon a barricade manned by earthbenders, so they unleashed  _ the  _ Ty Lee,  _ hey, if ‘the Dong’ is a name and title, ‘the Ty Lee’ can be, too _ . When she wasn’t busy going, according to her own statement, ‘You look good’, she was two-finger-tapping their shoulders and legs and heads… and took the entire barricade by herself. The Kyoshi Warriors, dispatched to handle this, worked their way back towards the main spire in the city. Or, the then-spire,  _ as we’ll get to...because we’re always going to have to get to it _ . Because that landmark was  _ once  _ hard to miss, they found themselves on a bunch of side streets in the southern portion of the city. They wound their way north and were  _ about  _ to attack a large peasant looter horde when the Southern Corps shock-riders arrived and killed everything for them. The soldiers that joined the Warriors… well they lost more men to doing things against Kyoshi’s Ethics than fighting in battles. Because  _ why not _ . So far, not as good, but at least the detachments completed their objectives.

Towards the center of the city, many platoons that peeled off from our charging spearhead ended up fighting barely-present ‘garrisons’. The rebels had mostly fled inwards, as to be expected from peasants with no individual will to fight and only strong in numbers. Also to be expected from mob mentality, where it’s easier to regroup than to fight  _ the oncoming tidal wave of green _ . This left the detachments in one of two positions: Stay and fight close-quarters-combat to clear out every last house in this district, or regroup with more sensible commanders.  _ Those sensible commanders do not include me, I was busy trying not to get crushed by a… well that’s coming later _ . They stayed and fought in house to house combat. Were there rebels hiding in attics, basements, and clothing cabinets? Maybe there were. I don’t know why people to whom looting houses is part of their occupation as a ‘rebel’,  _ note, do they have manuals for being rebels? _ , would be hiding in attics, basements and clothing cabinets. But I was given  _ multiple  _ word of mouth reports by multiple platoon commanders that their platoons encountered ‘a lot’ of rebels hiding in houses. This ‘lot’ of rebels were killed in brutal combat that resulted in lots of deaths on both sides. Fighting in houses is hard, after all. Unless, you know, you have  _ earthbenders  _ who can just bring the entire house down. __

Now, personally, when some of those very same soldiers arrived and took to immediately picking through the remains of this spire,  _ more on that, soon _ , I ‘rashly’ concluded that they ‘aren’t much better than the looters you just killed’ and had ‘anyone picking through those ruins’ arrested. I had no legal precedence for this, but I’m also the Emperor, if I want someone arrested, it’ll probably happen. Besides, I keep telling people not to loot, so when they do, what do they expect I’m going to do? Stand there and smile? An otherwise hard task was made much easier by the Dai Li, returning from their capture of the center of the town, jumping off nearby rooftops and arresting the looting soldiers. I may be a harsh commander, but I still follow Kyoshi’s Ethics. Were there other looters across the city? Probably, but the Imperial Army’s supposed to be better than that. I only have so many secret police to use.

Inside the Old Town itself, the Dai Li had come across  _ and  _ solved a few issues. See, the previous Prefect of Fancun was trapped inside the Town Hall building. Most of his staff was dead, most of his officers and important commandery officials were dead. It was just him and an odd assortment of a couple guards, a trained huntsman or two, some  _ cooks _ , and a few courtiers. I’m quite certain if I had access to  _ their  _ records, it’d be nothing but talking about the heroics of the few who survived the siege that they all thought they’d lose. 

Side note: I heard from one of the rescued courtiers that the head cook was preparing dinner when the rebels threw themselves against Bai and his men. So the cook shouted ‘Dinner’s not ready yet!’ and then walked out with a large hog-chicken-splitter and took to  _ hacking one of the rebels  _ to pieces, head from neck, arm from body, leg from body, hand from arm, in front of all his friends. This terrified the rebel raiders and sent them running back out the doors. To add to this, he beated his chest and yelled ‘If anyone’s hungry, dinner’s right here!’. The room was quite dark, save for a few lanterns that didn’t illuminate much. I don’t know why the courtier told me this with a scared voice like  _ she  _ was next. To me, that sounded like average Xishan behavior. 

Speaking of, Kotyan, having gotten tired of clearing rubble, walked over and I asked him if this woman’s story was familiar. Kotyan nodded.  _ So you’re the crazy one, courtier _ .  _ This is normal _ . That aside, ‘One-ear’ Lee and his hog-chicken-splitter, dripping with his freshest kill, came up to me and kowtowed, too. When asked if his story was true, he smiled and said something along the lines of “She’s overplaying it. That was  _ my  _ kitchen, Your Majesty. We don’t serve rebels, usually. As such, I made sure the rebels were informed that they were forbidden from entering, then took to ensuring they left as soon as possible.” I didn’t even bother questioning why this man had a large scar-line that looked fresh running down his forehead, or why one of his ears was missing, or why he said ‘usually’. Or why he was smiling. Back to the Dai Li, they discovered the survivors quickly and ‘worked their way out’. First they took control of Town Hall and secured it. Then, when the rebels discovered this, they tried to attack the structure since if there’s only twenty or so defenders and you number in the hundreds, you win, right?

I can only imagine that the rebels took to running down seemingly empty halls only to suddenly be absorbed into the ground. Or to have a chain cuff metalbent at them, pulling them into a side room. Or maybe the rebels  _ spotted  _ Dai Li and tried to stab them, only for the Dai Li to vanish into the ground or skate up the walls and become part of the ceiling.  _ Why bother guessing? There was a rebel that we caught and dragged outside.  _ The man was brought to me, bound by a pair of those metalbent cuffs that the Dai Li sometimes use. He knelt, clearly still quite numb from whatever happened. Being me, I asked “What happened” and he, quite petrified, began telling his story.

“I went with my friends. We were coming up from the north, ya know?” “I don’t know,” I responded, not knowing. The Dai Li officer holding him back yelled “And you’ll use proper titles, you ingrate!” before snapping the chain and  _ probably  _ breaking this poor, poor, criminal and his hands. “I… we came up from the north, Your Ma… Majesty. We thought we were alone when we went down the hallway. Suddenly, the roof in front of us collapses. So our earthbenders, they, they broke the wall down. We kept going… we… we were on guard, ‘cause we didn’t know who did that or… or where they went. Then a metal chain falls from the ceiling and drags one of the earthbenders up to the roof above us. It was pretty dark, ya know, so we couldn’t see what was up there.” The Dai Li officer kicked the criminal in the back of the leg, making him yelp. “Officer, leave him be. He can use whatever titles he wants.”

The officer obliged. The numb man continued. “Before we… we reacted, he fell back down, and his head was  _ gone _ . He didn’t even scream, he… he just… a clean strike to the neck. So we panicked and tried to run out of the building, ‘cause we ain’t dumb, right? But then the doorway to leave collapses. One of our earthbenders tries to punch it out, but he suddenly falls into the floor. The floor… it was like quicksand, right? So he fell into the floor and suddenly the floor became hard again and he was cut in half. The other earthbenders… they weren’t as dumb. They tried to punch through the wall and escape, ‘cause we knew we had earthbender enemies so we were going to outthink ‘em.”  _ Right. Like that would work _ .  _ You’re not that smart _ . “We ran into this side room and suddenly all four of our earthbenders were grabbed by these… pieces of metal. They were… they looked like they started airbending when they tried to grab their throats and rip the pieces off. But then the metal closed itself-” and he closed his fist “-and their necks were broken. Like  _ that _ . Like nothing. Without earthbenders, what were we gonna do? The archer guy threw an arrow at the ceiling, but then  _ he  _ had a small piece of earth stab him right through the head. So… the rest of us… we just… we didn’t know what to do.  _ Then _ …” he shivered, “Then the  _ ceiling  _ spoke to us.” 

This rebel tried his best to mimic a Dai Li agent’s voice, “‘Surrender, enemies of the Badgermole Throne, or face Imperial Justice!’”  _ Really? The Dai Li say that?  _ He went back to his normal terrified voice. “We didn’t surrender, because one of our guys spotted a way out. The door. So the rest of us made a break for the door. The two guys that ran for the door… someone made the floor go  _ up  _ and the ceiling come  _ down,  _ but only right there. And...they were turned into paste. Paste. Then a rock glove grabbed my last two friends and dragged them, kicking ‘n screaming, into the ceiling above. I was… they… I watched ‘em choke to death. Right there. Then…  _ two men _ fell from the ceiling and pointed their fists at me. That’s…” he looked side to side, “...how I ended up here. I was forced to listen to their really terrible jokes along the-” but some agent jumped in from a different scene and drop-kicked him in the head.  _ Okay then _ . I was so satisfied at hearing this man’s story that I wanted to find out which pair of agents did this.“Where  _ are  _ these agents? I owe it to them to thank them for such excellent service in taking out an entire platoon of rebels!”

The drop-kicker stood up and bowed to me. Then his friend strolled over, “Hey, Your Majesty! It’s us! We did this!” and I felt  _ all  _ my energy drain out of my system as  _ that  _ voice and  _ that  _ jog and  _ that  _ ever-happy tone and  _ that  _ everything. His much quieter companion stood back up and grimly, more to-be-expected of the Dai Li, stated “Indeed, we were the agents in that operation, Your Majesty.” “Wasn’t it fun, Shen?” the man with  _ that  _ voice was jumping up and down like a hyperactive…  _ Wei _ . “One,” I slapped myself in the face. “Two,  _ how  _ did you get here? Three,  _ why _ ? Four,  _ why _ ?” “Well Your Majesty, the first question we can’t respond to. But we heard Your Majesty was returning to Ba Sing Se and since it’s our job to be bodyguards, we came to be bodyguards!”  _ Must you be so… jumpy? Or excited? _ The other agent… I could  _ feel  _ his embarrassment. I’m not related to this man nor do I work with him but  _ I’m  _ embarrassed by all this. “As for the other questions, Your Majesty, we had orders to kill the rebels, so we killed the rebels!” and the eccentric one clapped his rock gloves together. Needless to say, the Imperial soldiers gathered around us showed signs of being both really unsettled  _ and  _ being scared. The ones that weren’t clearing the rubble of the spire, that is.  _ Oh yeah, the spire _ . 

As the Dai Li repeated the same two mean teams taking on entire platoons of rebels as seen above, other parts of the Imperial Army were running around the northern side of the Old Town. Now, the Dai Li took no casualties despite numbering like thirty agents, tops. These agents quickly cleared out the entire old part of the city using said tactics. The men who circumvented the oldest part of the city… weren’t as quick or clear. They too encountered bands of rebels. Lacking much in the way of support, they were held back in some places by sturdy peasant bands and broke through rabble in others. Their crossbows and bows were effective, but they also ran out of bolts quite quickly. In case the land immediately to the north of the Old Town wasn’t difficult enough, these forces encountered the many  _ tanks  _ that the rebels had swiped from the war factories located in the northeastern part of the city. The rebels weren’t the best of earthbenders, but I’m sure even an Egg could figure out how to hit the stick on the vehicle and make it go forward. That’s a benefit of machinery designed to be used by  _ idiots _ . The downside of this technology is that the Imperial Army is  _ made  _ of idiots. So when an idiot with a tank fights an idiot with a weapon identical to his hundredth generation ancestor’s weapon, the man with the tank  _ probably  _ wins. At some point during this confusing mess of a walking carriage wreck, the Imperial Army, or maybe the rebels… someone had obtained some blasting jelly. 

The large spire was once in the middle of the Old Town, but the Dai Li said that it wasn’t their doing since they were busy securing the land around the Town Hall at that time. At some point not long after we drove the rebels from the lands west of the Old Town entrance and blocked up said entrance to trap the rebels inside, a very loud  _ kaboom  _ rocked the city. The spire made a large breaking sound and looked like it was going to fall  _ towards  _ us. Was it coincidence? Was it intended? The more I think about it, the more disappointed I’ll find myself being in the Imperial Army. When I saw that building, I thought back to chopping down a tree. A good rule of tree cutting from the local tree-man,  _ get out of the way _ . Even if I wasn’t a tree-man, it’s common logic. You don’t run in the same direction as a giant object falling over. 

I jumped up and yelled at the top of my vocal capacity “Everyone to the sides! Run!” and took off. Nan, Song and a few others joined me as we ran towards the north. Kotyan and his Imperial and Zheng men to the south. I didn’t stop running north,  _ yes, ow, foot, ow _ , until I heard the ground shaking  _ crash _ . I turned around in time to see the dust cloud billowing up and out in all directions. We all took to coughing up dust for the next few  _ fen  _ while the Imperial Guard worked their way towards us, clearing the air of dust using earthbending. In treating this large straight object like a tree and running  _ out of the way _ , we got away unscathed. What kind of idiot would see a large object falling over and run in the same direction as it? I have no idea. This disastrous example of Imperial fighting -them, not our simple tactic of running away- aside… we have more stupidity to get to.

North of the Tank Lands, the…  _ you know what, I won’t even try to sound poetic _ … the Imperial Army was smashed by a bunch of Imperial deserters. Men with crossbows up against men with repeating crossbows. I don’t know where our shield budget went but the enemy soldiers had tower shields and knew how to lock their shields together. When our men charged them, they pulled their repeating crossbows back and skewered our charging shieldless men.  _ Because the enemy deserters have better equipment than us _ . Man-to-man, we might’ve had equal or more armor, but that’s still a very little amount of armor. Our only saving virtue was we had earthbenders bouldering large holes in the enemy street spanning shieldwall. They weren’t the best of earthbenders, but shields tend to politely disagree with  _ large, flying, rocks _ . So we ‘won’ in the northern part of the city, at the cost of extremely high casualties. Finally,  _ finally _ , I can discuss  _ the land north of Fancun _ .  _ Oh yes.  _

I no longer think the Northern Corps were incompetent. No, no, such a terrible,  _ terrible,  _ amount of army organization is like… a sign of the Spirits intervening or something. I don’t know my Earth Empire spirits,  _ I do know Agni though _ , but if the Empire has Spirits that curse people, this was the Army of the Cursed. I don’t know where Longqing went, I think he might’ve vanished in a puff of smoke and fireworks, but the Corps lost it’s head. Now,  _ good  _ armies don’t rout when their leader suddenly vanishes into the night. Bad armies  _ do _ . This is the Empire though, we can’t be  _ that  _ awful. So only  _ most  _ of our forces ran away. Only most. The one-tenth remaining formed a blockade around the northern side of Fancun, beyond the outskirts and in the farm country, where they could use their shieldwalls and earth walls to full advantage. A large semi-circle. 

All our planning resulted in a mass rout of rebels from the city. The original plan was that we’d funnel them into a killzone, we accidentally funneled them into a very different killzone. The southern side was effective and pushed all the rebels into the Old Town or the northern side. Assuming they could flee and weren’t trapped in the Old Town only to be mercilessly, effectively, cut down by silent fists, they ran north. And north. North past the exhausted barely victorious Imperial Army and north… into the farmland north of Fancun.  _ The very same _ .

Seeing this large horde of a couple hundred men armed with a grand total of three spears and one crossbow was enough to cause terror to run like a wild ostrich horse through the lines. A note: the rest of them were armed with hammers, sickles, shovels and pickaxes. And kitchen cutlery. But this  _ is  _ the Army of the Cursed, so a number larger than none and smaller than all ran away. In theory, it’s understandable. A torrent of men rolling down on you and your spear. Except… the Imperial Army is trained to withstand such charges.  _ Oh wait, my error, this is the Army of the Cursed _ . Who stayed behind? Take a  _ guess _ . A  _ guess. _

If the guess was anything other than Yali and Ding, then the answer’s ‘wrong’. The two of them and about a thousand others were what held. Yali’s heavy infantry were a rock that the tidal peasants crashed against. Seeing this group of heavily armored men form a unyielding shieldwall rallied some of the other officers. As such, the other Imperial soldiers,  _ the ones on our side,  _ formed up around Yali. In the meantime, Ding led his men out onto the left flank and swooped back in. All it took was a single volley of naval infantry harpoons and javelins to throw the enemy peasants into disarray. See,  _ hard to do, but possible _ , Ding conserved his men’s inventories. He had baggage ostrich horses loaded with extra implements carried along in the event his men would be committed to the front lines. I like to think that he probably  _ knew  _ he was walking into a disaster on earth stakes, and armed his men appropriately. 

In addition to all this, it’s reported that Ding himself dual-wielded a fishing spear and his short  _ dao _ . Good on you, Ding. So Ding and his harpoon wielders lodged their harpoons in the heads of the peasants and forced most of them to rout. Not that they had a chance, naval infantry armed with short  _ dao _ are trained to board ships and kill crew. So… the peasants were hammer and anvil-ed with Ding and Yali, respectively. 

Considering all the ineptitude, was I going to stay here and try handling all this? Maybe, had the Sun not set already. Maybe, if I was an administrator. But I’m the Emperor. I’ve got  _ better places to be _ . “General Song?” I looked over at the man in question. “Yes, Your Majesty” he took his eyes off cleaning his  _ dao  _ to look back at me. “Can you… you know, stay here and handle all this while I go home and report it to the Council of Five?” “It’d be a Council of Four if I stayed, but…” he took a breath, “...as Your Majesty commands” and he put his blades on the stone pillar, rose, and kowtowed out of respect. 

“I don’t want to  _ command _ , I want advice” and I waved him to get out of his kowtow. “My advice, Your Majesty, is to go home and review this with some-” he stopped to get close and whisper to me “-more competent officials. Like General How.” and he backed away and kowtowed again. So that’s what I decided to do. I got up and began walking away, my goal being an ostrich horse which I’d then take  _ somewhere _ , take a monorail to  _ my  _ monorail, and take my monorail  _ home _ . “We’ll stay in touch?” I asked, patting the side of an ostrich horse. “By the grace of Her Imperial Majesty, I hope so, Your Majesty.” and the General kowtowed. “Stay in touch” I said in a commanding voice. “As Your Majesty wishes” and he nodded. 

I, Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors were able to swap with some reinforcements bringing along extra ostrich horses. We did a lap of the now cleared land around the western ‘gate’ of the Old Town to reform our riders so that we’d leave in style and with the professionalism expected from such important bodyguards. I ordered Kotyan to take the Imperial Guard and the Zheng and meet up with us at a train station in the Fang Yu-Fancun Crossing. Not a hard objective, Fancun’s halfway between the Wall and the  _ other  _ Wall. I say ‘it’s not far’ but that’s like… a lie. Kotyan and his men happen to be quite fast,  _ the whole Majia campaign shows that _ , and I’m pretty certain the Imperial Guard can just do the earth-plate thing for transportation. While my direct Kyoshi Islander bodyguards and I did this lap, Song drew his twin  _ dao  _ and yelled “Ten Thousand Years!”. The men that had accompanied us in this attack, and their reinforcements, fell into kowtows out of respect, crying “Ten Thousand Years!”.

And so we departed towards the last glint of twilight. The Kyoshi Warriors had to take Imperial Standards with them in the inevitable event we cross paths with the gigantic force of men under Jian. This long ride back gave me a chance to  _ reflect  _ on the past  _ season and a half  _ of absolute insanity I had lived through. There was only one other person in our small force of riders who knew what I was thinking, but even Ty Lee had experienced Fort Wei-Hung and… all  _ that _ . As we had many  _ geng  _ of nothing but a salmon-bass colored scar crossing the night sky to guide us, we had lots of time to just talk. We were technically in the middle of enemy territory, except this was the Empire so it was ours and we had repeatedly smashed the rebel forces time and time again, even  _ if  _ we suffered stupid high casualties for it. 

It’s  _ because  _ we were in the middle of enemy territory that Suki had a ‘no talking’ order issued to the Warriors. So instead of talking, I -being observant of Suki’s orders, for once- have nothing to mention about our whole night of riding west with two breaks to stretch our legs. We did end up reaching and passing through Jian’s reinforcement columns, but the whole ‘small band of young women with specific makeup’ and ‘man with blue armor’ and ‘auburn wolf dog’ made us pretty distinctive. So we rode through those columns and kept going west. And further west. I could mention the burnt plains and fields or the smell of death lurking in the air as we trampled land dotted with carrion birds. Not that they were that visible in the darkness, but you could hear them cawing nonetheless. 

Instead, I’ll take a short aside to reflect. A season and a half of campaigning. The Sentinels, the Xiongnu Wall, the beautiful land of Yancun, the mercenaries, the various officials in and around Fort Wei-Hung… and that’s before the Xishan. Us three crazy friends, bound in a union of loyalty to Toph, rode up to lands few Imperials had ever or will ever see. The Zheng, the Majia, the Gerse, and all the Tribes in between. Milk of clouds and moose-lion hunts. The Great Hunter and the Northern Lights. A first in history, the Xishan loyal to the Badgermole Throne. Or… as loyal as they can be. And, of course, a Banner Army to be made from all of it.

These Fancun rebels will answer for their treachery. The peasants will face the Empire’s justice. If the Acolytes spurred them on, then either they’ll answer for themselves, or the  _ Avatar  _ will. And… if nobles funded these deserters, then we will find out. It doesn’t matter if they’re a commoner from the Lower Ring or the Minister of the Guards, all are equal in Kyoshi’s Ethics. Her ethics do not care for birthright. That’s why she could storm right up to the Badgermole Throne and force the Earth King to answer for his crimes against his people. 

The waterbenders’ crimes against a vassal will not go unpunished. They may have thought they were attacking the Xishan and just the Xishan, but we do not forget. We will go back to the Imperial Palace, and I  _ will  _ have those Northern Water Tribesmen answer for their crimes. The Avatar may take their side, because the Avatar’s biased and doesn’t care about ethnic groups he’s never heard of. Then again, this is the same Avatar who’ll empower corrupt rat-snakes like the former Lord of Gaoling and create new systems of government because he feels like it. So… if he’s not going to bring justice to criminals, it falls to us.  _ And Kyoshi’s sense of justice isn’t as forgiving _ .

It was  _ just  _ before the break of dawn, as the eastern sky illuminated in three bands of light blue, yellow and orange, that we came upon the larger-than-life Fancun-Shigusi Gate. The Imperial Guards standing at guard spotted our small force of riders approaching and dispatched two of their own. Upon recognizing me, the two guards got off their ostrich horses at the same time and kowtowed. I was a bit too tired to exchange stilted, rehearsed, courtly conversation with them. Instead, I simply said “I have a monorail carriage over there.” and pointed at the wall, “And I’m going there.” The two men seemed to understand my exhaustion, turned around, and before we knew it, the Imperial Guard were forcing a section of the Outer Wall open -the gate- and a dozen small ants and a wolf-dog through. 

The Sun hit two objects before I fell into it’s warm rays of salvation. The Imperial Carriage, well _ mine _ , and the stone  _ siheyuan  _ of Jian. A  _ siheyuan  _ that was still there after all this. I had half a mind to have it torn down, but to be perfectly honest, I just wanted to go find a nice comfy bed that wasn’t grass and go lie down on it. So I gave my ostrich horse the last burst of speed it needed and not long later, I was at my carriage. Once at my carriage, sure, there was all the formality of Imperial Guards marching out to form two perfect lines, and I  _ did  _ thank them for their service, but I was mostly interested in just going to sleep. I walked inside, kicked off my boots, and, as I requested of someone, “One ticket, Ba Sing Se, my house, please.” That person was an attendant there to bring me a cup of water. Someone with a higher rank heard my command and repeated it. Instead of talking to anyone else, I walked over to my bedroom and pulled at the ties on my Imperial Armor. Pulling it off was like taking off a heavy weight from my back. I was more than capable of  _ wearing  _ it, but you get used to such armor. Also, it was quite sweaty, as it would be from a whole night of riding.  _ Ahh, the relaxing wear of a simple robe.  _

I awoke on sheets that I took for granted and might as well have hugged all night, despite being sheets. Why? After sleeping on grass, in the snow, on snowy grass, on pure rock, on fur that wasn’t thick enough to sleep on, a sheet as soft as this was very very comforting. I tried to sit up, only to find Nan lying on my torso, gently asleep.  _ That’s nice of you, you went to sleep on me to protect me.  _ So instead of sitting up, I just laid in bed rubbing his head. After about the twentieth set of rubs, he woke up, sniffed my hand, then shuffled himself up the bed to lick me in the chin and face and make sure my queue was properly tied together with wolf-dog licks.  _ A good adhesive, I would think _ . I  _ thought  _ maybe he’d get off me so I could get up and go do things other than sleeping, but nope. Nan wanted to go back to sleep. Not actual sleep, ‘I’m going to just lie here’ sleep that isn’t sleep. I kept rubbing his head and ears and back and scratching whatever I could. I was rewarded with him stuffing his snout in my neck and licking it. Eventually, I nicely asked him “Can I please get up, Nan?” and he woofed in approval. Or… I hope it was approval, I don’t speak wolf-dog. He backed off and curled himself into a ball, save for the head which kept watching me. So I sat up. And I looked outside. 

I was flying, metaphorically, over the skyline. The buildings below us were quite short in stature but compacted together. Small canals marked side streets while main avenues were heavily commercialized. The markets of the day were out and active. I’m sure the scents were a thousand different kinds of meat and fish and produce, merging together to form the most appetizing of buffet tables. The buildings were decorated with green-tiled roofs and many had fancy gold-green eaves, as if to showcase wealth. “This isn’t the Lower Ring” I correctly stated. By correctly, I mean I said it so loudly that Suki knocked on the door and said “We’re passing through the Middle Ring, Your Majesty!”  _ Woah, woah, Sukes, why are you speaking so… properly? No wait… I’m an idiot. We’re back in Ba Sing Se _ . 

I stood up, and in standing up, was immediately reminded of a certain foot pain by means of the foot being in  _ some  _ pain. I didn’t take it seriously and instead took to doing a very simple task that feels  _ so  _ refreshing after everything. I opened the clothing cabinet. I opened it and spent what felt like forever gazing at all the different options I could wear. Feeling fancy,  _ or rather, feeling Imperial _ , I went with an Imperial Informal Robe in brighter than normal green with blue shading. Could I be bothered to ask why? Not really. I was just happy to not be riding, running, or fighting. I was happy to not need to wear heavy brigadine or sweat through furs. I was happy to dress  _ like an Emperor _ . To dress as complicated as I wanted to dress.

Nan gracefully jumped off his part of the bed and watched me make this clothing choice. When I was satisfied, he grabbed a sash that I had dropped with his mouth and handed it to me.  _ I like you, Nan. Thank you _ . I gave him many  chin scratches out of gratitude and he licked my hand, also in gratitude. I put on some pants in a matching bright green with blue shading, and departed for elsewhere. 

I wished Suki my good morning, she wished me a good morning and gave me a  _ bow _ , and walked out and over to the dining section of the carriage. There, I was greeted with a bunch of people pulling off very accurate kowtows. One of them happened to be the arm-wrestling Kotyan, who spotted me and stopped arm-wrestling. “How’s Ba Sing Se, Captain?” “It looks as nice and green as I remember.”  _ Nice and green. Ha _ . I hand waved for him to get back to the arm-wrestling, so he went back to arm-wrestling Jiang, the well-fed cook. 

All the commotion of people wishing ‘Your Majesty a fine noon’,  _ that’s paraphrasing _ , brought out two  _ other  _ people who I didn’t expect to meet and, regrettably or not so, forgot they existed. Two women dressed like women of the Zheng, except now in what looked to be their summer wear of lighter kimono-tunics in the same colors as the rest of the Zheng clothes.  _ Brown robes, dyed with some red and black _ . “Hayashi!” the older one said, choosing to run towards me to, I assume, give me a hug or something. Instead, Kotyan held his arm out and blocked her. “Gundes, no charging the Emperor.” She groaned in despair and said, innocently, “I’m sorry.” No titles, but I think the Zheng were given an exception because they’d be learning them. Her sister saw me, went back inside what I guess is their quarters, and returned with a large rolled up fur object.  _ ‘Object?’ it’s a blanket, you tree.  _ She didn’t say anything, I took the fur, gave her a small bow of gratitude that she had no idea how to reciprocate  _ and thus didn’t _ , and brought the fur back to my bedroom. I kept it wrapped up, left it on my bed, and went back out into the dining hall to continue greeting, meeting and eating. Especially eating.  _ I know I could eat on the ride from Lan Shan to here, but that was far more stressful. This… finally. I can eat food. It’s so relaxing.  _

One roasted turtle-duck later, some man whose job it probably was to yell announcements announced “We have entered the Upper Ring!” and the entire Imperial part of the Carriage cheered. No really, they cheered. Lots of people yelling “We’re home!” and “Ten Thousand Years!” and one person, the jeweler’s son Bao, asking “Can we pour some drinks to celebrate, Your Majesty?” The room went silent in a dramatically quick fashion. For the next  _ dian _ , my word was ultimate law. And my word was “Let’s pa-a-a-rty!” I’m aware that wasn’t a word, but I stressed the word out for the sake of being genuinely ecstatic. 

The carriage let out some roaring applause with _someone_ yelling “You’re the second best Majesty, Your Majesty!”. I heard that, laughed, and the rest of the carriage joined us in laughter. Save the Zheng and the Dai Li, who maintain their neutrality. Did I have more mature things to talk about with Suki and Kotyan: _Who backed all the mercenaries? How do we hunt him down? Who brought the mercenaries and the Water Tribe together? What do we do with the new vassal state of Xishan? What caused the peasant rebellion? How are we going to fix, audit, repair, what have you, the Boshan Army? What about the Imperial Army in general?_. Yes. I did have more mature things to talk about with them. Instead of thinking, I drank many, many, small cups of refreshing refreshments. Not whiskey, I wanted to keep myself presentable for the Imperial Palace.

We poured drinks and toasted. “To Her Imperial Majesty!”, first and always. The rest shouted “To Her Imperial Majesty!”. Second, “To the Empire!”, followed by “To the Empire!” and men punching the air. Then, I had new things to toast to. “To our surviving of two campaigns!” I declared. One Imperial Guard offered the shout of “To the Imperial Medal Service’s new medals!” which caused most of the Guard to burst into laughter. Why?  _ It’s the Imperial Medal Service. Everything needs a medal. Always _ .  _ The Imperial Palace will probably get a few medals one day, too _ .

Speaking  _ of  _ the Imperial Palace, some Imperial Guard, possibly inebriated, was the first to shout “The Imperial Palace! Out there!” and pointed out the right window. Because we all follow whatever someone else says, or something, we all turned and looked where he was pointing.  _ No, you fool, it’s because you’re just as interested as everyone else and everyone else is just as interested as you are _ . Then I saw  _ it _ . 

The Imperial Palace. It’s golden roofs reflected the noon sunlight making it give off a shimmering appearance. All those roofs… it’s an iconic beauty. Roofs and roofs and golden eaves and more roofs, layered like a giant pagoda. The tall red terracotta walls gave off an imposing vibe from all the way out here. The Palace wall was framed with hundreds of flags, half the Imperial Standard and half a combination of other flags from, I’m going to guess, across the Empire. The street below us and to our right was the Central Axis Road, leading directly to the Imperial Palace and directly to the Badgermole Throne. It was large enough to accompany an entire army marching down it without any need to squeeze in. Which meant our train carriage was going right towards the last, or first, station. The Imperial Station. As expected, soon enough, the carriage started slowing down. Simply put, if they stop kicking it, it’ll stop speeding.  _ Oh who cares about the technicalities right now, you’re home! _ Even sooner than soon, the Carriage came to a complete stop with the main door grinding into perfect alignment with the center of the Palace Station. 

With my Imperial garments on, a blade at my side, my hair in a queue, and  _ new! _ , a fur blanket in my arms, I took to stepping out of the mode of transportation. Instantly, a gong sounded and the two lines, each line formed by twenty men, each man wearing a golden  _ dao  _ scabbard and holding an Imperial Standard by means of a spear, pulled their spears back to form a wider space for me to walk through. Two lines of statues with unmoving expressions. Golden statues with green  _ capes _ emblazoned with the Empire’s coin. I put the blanket in my underarm and carried it out. 

I walked past these men and their straight backs and stiff faces. They were Imperial Metalbending Guards, and they took their job seriously. I stopped at one point to look one man in the eyes with my one good one. It had been so long since I got to just…  _ stop _ … and look the elite men in their eyes. He didn’t blink. He didn’t show any facial expression. Not because he can’t, but because  _ we’re home. Home in the land of formality _ . 

An Imperial Carriage, one of the ostrich-horse drawn ones, waited for me at the foot of the station. I put my blanket inside and turned around to watch my entourage join us. The Kyoshi Warriors mounted their own ostrich horses, led by Suki. The Imperial Guard that were with us marched out in a line three-men wide led by Kotyan and his  _ dao  _ blade. He was no longer wearing the Xishan robes, now he was glinting in his gold-and-green Imperial Armor. He gave some kind of instruction to his Imperial Guard and then to his Zheng men. He then walked up to me and asked if “My Zheng can receive a scroll letting them have residence in the Imperial Guest Houses.” I  _ thought  _ I had already given him one, but I suppose I hadn’t. 

Kotyan is a man of his word. All I needed to do was say “Ink! Parchment!” and in less time than it takes to snap a finger, I had a stone block jutting out of the Central Axis Road to use as a desk, and some ink and parchment and a utensil for writing. It was very easy to quickly write up a scroll of approval, Suki handed me my stamp, I pressed it down on it, and handed it back to Kotyan. “I might be late to the reunion, Your Majesty” and he held up the paper as an explanation. I nodded my head and laughed lightly to myself. “You won’t be penalized.”  _ It’s the Empire, it’s time for bureaucracy.  _ Then I got inside the carriage. We rode along down the largest thoroughfare in all Four Nations.  _ The largest thoroughfare leads to the largest compound _ .

The Imperial Palace Grounds. For most of my life, they seemed like a folk tale. How could one person own a house and surrounding land the size of Kyoshi Island? That’s what I heard as a kid. How could one person, a mere  _ mortal _ , own a city-sized estate? How could that building have been around for thousands of years? How could so much blood be spilled over whoever  _ sits  _ on that chair? How could a single  _ building  _ the size of a small town exist? In reality, it’s a bit smaller than that. Only a bit. 

But the rest of their stories? Of paved stones imported from the farthest corners of the continent? Of terracotta walls second only in size to Ba Sing Se’s Ring Walls? Of a cluster of  _ huabiao _ and badgermole statues watching all passerbys? Of a courtyard the size of a village, empty as a tomb. They were all true. When I got out,  _ no,  _ when the door was opened for me, I got out and got to look long and hard at everything. So much to take in. The two lines of men that stretched from the Palace Ring Wall across the massive Imperial Palace Courtyards and up the Thousand Steps? That’s  _ very  _ real. The Palace’s many tiers of golden roofs? That exists. The pillars supporting the roofs that were ten stories tall? They’re real, and they’re just as imposing. 

I actually turned around and looked in a full circle, then pinched my arm to make sure this wasn’t a dream. Then I smelled the incense and flowers, the smells that permeate this land, year-round. Pines and cherry blossoms, intermingling quite beautifully. The endless supply of incense for this sacred land. The hundreds of buildings that surround the Imperial Palace, whose tops are barely visible. The statue-like Imperial Guards. All of this is meant to humble the visitor. All of this is… the center of this continent’s civilization for  _ thousands of years _ . All of this is a reminder of the  _ power  _ of the Badgermole Throne and he -or  _ she _ \- who sits upon it. And it works.

_ And it’s your home,  _ my mind said to myself. It was hard to believe. It was hard to believe years ago, and it’s hard to believe now.  _ You’re a peasant from some island in the South Sea, and all of this… you’re absolutely free to travel wherever you want. You could sit down next to one of those pillars and go to sleep and absolutely nobody could tell you not to. Except… one person _ . I adjusted my robes, took the blanket in my underarm, and walked towards the Thousand Steps. The mighty Thousand Steps. One to a people that kowtows to the Badgermole Throne. The Thousand Steps. One to our thousand  _ largest  _ commanderies. The Thousand Steps. Hundreds of feet to ascend. The Thousand Steps. Nigh impenetrable, unless you’re on a dragon.  _ Even then, only by surprise.  _ The Thousand Steps.  _ It’s morning jog. _

The gongs sounded once. I imagined they were for me. Something like ‘The Emperor has returned from his insane campaign to the edges of civilization and then some’, except in Imperial-speak. A campaign against rebels, and nonstop warring for  _ the entire winter and spring _ . A  _ fen  _ later, as I reached the foot of the Thousand Steps, they sounded again. Gongs that echoed across the silent courtyard and out into the city. So I leaned my head back and looked  _ up _ .  _ Nope _ .

I looked up just in time to see a herald and hear his yell. “Presenting, Her Imperial Majesty” then he got abruptly cut off by  _ something _ . I kept my eye locked on that  _ place  _ and spotted, shoving him out of his place, a short figure wearing a wrestler’s outfit. A green wrestler’s outfit dusted in dirt. Her hair was as lush, and probably dirt ridden, as I remembered it. Her eyes sparkled with the tint of sea foam green that she always had, while also staring aimlessly out at the sky. She was as graceful in her footing as the day I last saw her. And by graceful, of course, I mean she kicked up a small earth wave and rode down the Thousand Steps on it. I kept standing there, slack-jawed, even while she walked  _ right up to me _ . The small army of Imperial Guards trailing her came to a sudden stop when she did. She put her hands on her hips. 

“Kyoshi, you want to say something, or you feel like not? ‘Cause if not, that makes all of this much quicker.” I looked down at her. She had grown, a bit, a little bit, from the last time we met. She was taller, not that much taller, but taller. She still had the same preference for a hair bun and wore meteorite bracelets on either bare arm. “I’m home, Your… Majesty” and I almost dropped my blanket as I tried to get on my knees and kowtow. 

I would’ve kowtowed, but she poked my chest. With her finger. The Empress poked me with her finger. Then she said “Oh get up. We can do this  _ later _ ” and she pulled me up. So I got up. I grabbed my blanket and slung it under my arm. And I followed her, really slowly. When Nan ran up to her, happily woofing, she got on a knee and was all “Hey Nan! How ya doing?” and he licked her, she rubbed his head, he licked her again, and she giggled like…  _ her _ . I followed the Empress past the redundant lines of Imperial Guards, up the Thousand Steps and through the two-story doors of the Imperial Palace. Specifically, the Gate of Imperial Supremacy. All the guards we passed while walking down the hall fell into kowtows. I didn’t even have the energy to speak. It...just… _ I’m home.  _

I followed the Empress of Ten Thousand Years, arguably the most powerful person in the world, across the Palace. Courtiers and attendants and more Guards, all kowtowed and wished “Welcome home, Your Majesty” to me. Eventually, she got to her bedroom, the doors opened for her, and walked in. “Kyoshi, you can put down whatever that is that you’re carrying” and she hopped onto a bed the size of a house’s entire floorspace. She pulled a  _ new  _ hair bracelet off and placed it on the nightstand on… her side of the bed.  _ The Imperial Bedroom _ . 

After a little while of me standing there like an idiot, she sat up. “Kyoshi, are you just going to stand there all day and night? You’re allowed to lie down.”  _ I…  _ I failed to respond quick enough. Then she opted to change her voice slightly to make it more formal and less... _ her _ . “I, the Empress, permit you to lie down! Muahahaha! Long live me!” and she punched the air in pride. I shook my head a few times and suddenly remembered that I had something to do with the blanket.  _ Right… I have… blanket… right. _

I held it out, “Do you see this?” and Toph effortlessly shoved her face into the bed. “Yes,” I heard her say, muffled. So I slapped myself in the face. I heard a “Ha, ha” from that bed.  _ Fine. I have to explain things.  _ “Toph…” she rolled over and sat up, letting me look right into her  _ mess of black hair falling everywhere _ . “Yes, Kyoshi?” “I got you a blanket. Harvested it myself from a moose-lion hunt.” She suddenly parted her hair and let me see her… emotionless expression. She got off the bed, yelled “Throw it on!” and so I… did that. I unraveled the blanket and tossed it onto the bed. It was  _ large _ . Like… really large. Like… at least ten feet long and almost as wide. And yet, it only covered  _ half  _ of the Imperial Bed. I went back to where she was and kneeled to whisper “You can get on now.” She grinned and turned around to go do that. She approached the bed cautiously at first, then felt the blanket, then felt it again, then put one leg on the bed, then another, and got on. 

And she  _ loved  _ it. After a little while of her cheering uncontrollably and rolling around on the bed, she sat up and yelled “Kyoshi! You’re the best!” and I could only laugh to myself and  _ hope  _ Suki wasn’t listening in. “I humbly appreciate-”  _ no, forget that,  _ “It means a lot coming from you, Toph.” So she feigned a noblewoman’s voice “Oh, you’re  _ so  _ delicate for this” before chuckling. “Come on, you know I’m harder than  _ that _ , my lady” I counter jested. She pulled handfuls of the blanket up to enjoy the feel of the fur against her skin. “Any other gifts?” she questioned me like a carnival prize winner.  _ No. No not really. Wait no, yes.  _

_ Xishan. The rebellion _ . “I...might’ve brought an entire culture group of elite hunters over to our side, and I helped defeat a peasant rebellion, and I personally slew a bunch of-” but in looking at one part of the blanket that she wasn’t on and blushing like an idiot, I missed her coming at me from behind and tackling me onto the bed. She then proceeded to wrap her arms around me, hug me, and bury her mess of hair in my back. “This is the  _ best  _ blanket, Kyoshi.” “Toph, I… rebellion” but I was interrupted by her rolling me over. “Shut up.” and she headbutted my chest. 

We stayed like this for a long time, slowly ending up further and further on the bed. At some point, she undid the sash on my Imperial Informal Robe and it fell off of me. Not that I minded. She took to lying on my chest with her head while her feet danced about on the new fur blanket. She was yawning sighs of happiness. Suki’s interruption of “Some court official’s here to-” and my interruption of “Not now!” killed Toph’s… I’m just going to call it the side of Toph that nobody ever sees.  _ Really. Sees _ .  _ Happy, relaxed… maybe even a bit soft. _

She then pulled out of the hug, sat on her legs, and said, in her usual Toph voice, “So. That was a nice blanket.” I nodded from the  _ really soft  _ pillow I was sleeping on. “Not that I cared” she said, but forgot to do two things. One, turn away from me when she says such compliments, and two, not say that now. Eitherway, I ended up seeing her cheeks get inflamed. Which is nice. It’s nice to see her get happy.  _ Remember, don’t tell her _ . 

She then grew a sense of vanity, _no wait, that’s not vanity, that’s just Toph being Toph_ , and put her hand on my chest, and asked “Kyoshi, where were you looking?” “I was looking at that wall over there” and I pointed at a wall with a bunch of badgermole and earth coin motifs. “No you weren’t.” she stated, annoyed. “You’re lying.” and she pressed even _more_ on my chest. _Ow._ _Wounds._ _Healed wounds, but still_. “I... _fine_. I saw that. I’ll-” but I was cut off with a finger to the mouth. “You. On the ground. _Now!_ ” and I jumped off the bed wearing just pants and got on the ground. 

“I want fifty push ups! Now!” and I immediately rolled onto my front and got into a push-up stance,  _ Just… pretend… the pain is not real. The pain is an airbender. It has fled _ . Just as I was about to start doing push-ups, Toph plopped herself down on my back and I  _ think  _ crossed one leg over the other because I heard that ‘scratching feet callus sound’ that is made when she’s, get this, scratching her feet. “Toph, it’s…” “Fifty push ups!” and she lightly slapped my back with her palm.  _ Okay then. You can do it. Remember to breathe sometime _ .

_ One. Two. Three. You get the gist _ . When I had reached push-up number ten,  _ one every three miao because I don’t want to throw my Empress off _ , Toph yelled “Attendants! Bring out what I told you to bring out earlier!” and someone, somewhere, responded with “Yes, Your Majesty!” and she gathered a friend or two and took off to get… “What are they getting?”, I asked. “You’re not at fifty yet!” and she moved further up my back. 

When I reached push-up number thirty, I started feeling the pain in my foot. Started feeling it again, that is. When I reached push-up number forty, I almost slipped on the sweat that was pooling on the floor beneath my palms. At the same time, the attendants returned and said “The item’s here, Your Majesty!” and I twisted my head  _ slightly  _ to the left to see…  _ something wrapped?...  _ sitting on the blanket. I didn’t know what it was. But Toph was no fool. As I turned my head, she grabbed the back of my head and manually turned it back towards the ground. “No peeking!” she said, sounding  _ far  _ more like a child than she actually was. 

_ Forty one, one, two, forty two, one, two, forty three, one, two, forty four _ . Then my in pain foot decided it had had enough and made me go “Ow, ow, ow, this actually hurts now.” Toph, being a great trainer, didn’t care. “I can’t see numbers like you can, but I think you’ve got like five and a half left.” I groaned and reluctantly made myself agree.  _ Forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight. Forty. Nine.  _ “There you go” I said, between… deep… breaths. “One  _ more _ ” and she decided to be  _ nice  _ for the last one and moved even  _ further  _ up my back.  _ By nice, I mean Toph _ .  _ Fif… tee.  _ I fell onto the floor, sweating and every pulse of my heart reminding me that  _ this was all a terrible idea _ . 

“You’ve done it!” she said, genuinely cheerful. Then she rubbed my back  _ with her knuckles. Ow. Thanks _ . “Now, Kyoshi-” she grabbed one of my arms and tried to pull me up, “-I’ve been  _ told  _ these look good. What do you think?” and I stood up.  _ These? ‘These’ is more than one. What is it?  _ She slowly walked over to the wrapped object, lying on the bed, then tapped it.  _ That’s a wood sound _ . I felt the wrapping and pulled it off.

A set of blades inside scabbards. Three  _ jian _ blades. One was shorter than the one I normally carried, maybe two and a half Consort’s feet long. One was the same length as mine. One was longer than the other two combined. I took it off the exquisite wrapping. I held it vertical alongside the Empress, who was smiling ear-to-ear. The  _ scabbard  _ is longer than Toph. It’s long, and it’s a  _ jian _ . The scabbard was blue with gold leaf trim. I pulled the blade out, ever so slightly, and noticed that someone had  _ etched gold  _ into the blade near the hilt. Then it hit me.  _ This is a  _ _ shuang-shou jian. They were the length of an adult male from finger-to-finger. They… that would make sense as to why this… this blade…  _ I placed it on the floor and did the old measuring of foot-length.  _ It’s five Consort’s feet long. It’s… five…  _

I unsheathed the blade, slightly, again, and found that the blade itself was  _ black _ . I stuck the blade back into its scabbard, placed  _ it  _ back on the bed, and felt lightheaded. “Toph…?” She responded “Yes, Kyoshi?” while still grinning. “Is that a…  _ meteorite _ blade?” She nodded once, as if to try and not break her grin. “Where?” I asked, my voice breaking. “I was told about a meteorite that crashed in the Agrarian Zone, so I went to grab it and bring it back ‘cause I had a use for it.” “You...yeah...you used it.” and I placed the blade back on the bed.  _ You really used it _ . “You’re… you’re good.” She smirked. “You could really do with saying that more often.”  _ Oh yes, I… I really could _ .

Then she whacked me in the shoulder with her hand. “I hope you appreciate the whole set of weapons I made for you.”  _ What?  _ “What do you mean ‘whole set of weapons?’ And…  _ made _ ?” “Wait, how many blades are here?-” but her quick tone cut itself off when she put her hand on the bed and felt each scabbard, “ _ Where’s the rest of them?!? _ ” she yelled to the ceiling. “What do you mean ‘rest’?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“My metalbending and the best of the Imperial Blacksmiths, these Ironheads from Yu Dao, we worked together to forge you a whole bunch of weapons! They had these things called  _ dao _ , they had these blades they called ‘Ostrich-horse-head-cleavers’, they had a polearm with a blade on the end of it… and a bunch of others, but I don’t remember.” “Is there… any meteorite left?” “I took anything that wasn’t used on your blades and made it into bracelets!”  _ I… right. Yeah. Right _ .

“Toph?” “Yes, Kyoshi?” “Has anyone ever told you how great you are? You… you  _ metalbent  _ a whole…” I trailed off into nothingness as the realization finally came in. “As I said-” she  _ punched  _ my shoulder quite hard, “-you  _ should  _ do with saying it more.” I ignored my body wanting to just… go to sleep, grabbed her, and hugged her. “I hope my birthday presents were good enough, Toph.” “Oh, they are. A blanket, an army, and no more rebels?” she nodded at that.  _ I… I got a whole… set of weapons… meteorite blades…  _ I tightly held her in this hug. “Happy birthday, Toph” She reciprocated the hug, reaching around me to hold me. “Yeah, happy birthday, Kyoshi.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedic Notes for Wholesome Birthday Present Receiving Folks:
> 
> -The weapon-bearer is something often forgot about in stories. Heavily armed and armored men tend to have others carrying their equipment for them. In the Eurosphere, it's a squire. We'll meet a Sinospheric version of a squire next chapter.  
> -The courtier's story of Lee the Head Cook is crazy, Mori's just spent his past many chapters dealing with much crazier.  
> -Wei and Shen may be Wei and Shen, but they are not to be messed with. They are still Dai Li agents.  
> -The Spirits didn't intervene in Longqing's army, they're just a black comedy of errors.  
> -Mori's short reflection is a reminder: It's been 22 chapters or almost 1/3 of the story so far since last in Ba Sing Se.   
> -Hubiao are the pillars located on the Palace Grounds, seen in canon when the Gaang storms the Palace. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huabiao  
> -Mori's monologue on the Imperial Palace is, like with the reflection of earlier, because of his awe at returning. While it may only take us a few days to read through his events, he's been gone for months. It felt like longer.  
> -Toph missed Mori. Mori missed Toph. The two show it in their own ways.  
> -Mori's new gifts:  
> -Short jian, regular sized jian, and Shuang-shao jian. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shuangshou_jian  
> -The Shuang-shao is the size of a European greatsword. It'll return in the future as, concidentally, it fits Mori's large build quite well.  
> -Reminder, a Consort's foot is just a regular foot (12 inches) or 1/3 of a meter.  
> -Mori's Shuang-shao jian is 5 feet, or 60 inches, or 1.52 meters long.  
> -
> 
> For the final time:  
> Appendix on who's who in Jian's Coalition: Commandery written like THIS, Town written like ' T. of This: ', Name written like {This}. Rank written like (This).  
> Appendix on titles:   
> Col. = Colonel.   
> Sr. Col = Senior Colonel.   
> Sgt. Gen = Sergeant General  
> Lt. Gen = Lieutenant General  
> First number is age, second is number of men brought along.   
> QIXIAN:  
> T. of Qixian:  
> \----Jian of Line of Yuan (Lt. Gen), 28 - 30K! - Protector of Boshan, Head of Coalition  
> \----Zhihong, (Maj.) 40, Jian’s vanguard - - - 2k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Renxian, (Sr. Col) 38, Jian’s left - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Yi, (Sr. Col) 30, Jian’s right - - - 5k (not counting Jian’s force)  
> \----Ying-Xun of Line of Kui, (Sr. Col) 32, Jian’s center - - - 14k - Wang’s younger brother  
> \----Hui-Yan of Yuan, (Col.) 26, Jian’s rear - - - 4k - Younger cousin to Jian  
> \----Wang of the Line of Kui, 34 - Magistrate of Boshan - Boshan  
> SERPENT'S JUNCTION:  
> T. of Gaijin. {Laquan} (Sgt. Gen), 30 - - - 10k - Defensive  
> BEIXIAO:  
> T. of Wangmiao: {Yali} (Sr. Col) of Line of Tianxiao, 32, - - - 8k  
> T. of Xiajin: {Junshi} (Sr. Col), 38, - - - 7k  
> DATAN:  
> T. of Qingliangian: {Ding} (Sgt. Gen) of Line of Jin, 35, - - - 10k - Commander of the IN BSS's Naval Infantry contingent (basically the Marines)  
> T. of Zaqqiang: {Qingde} (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 6k  
> YUNZHONG:  
> T. of Jinan: Luo (Sr. Col), 27, - - - 8k  
> T. of Zhonggong: Yizhi-Lee (Sr. Col), 26 - - - 5k  
> NIU JU:  
> T. of Ulanqab: Longqing (Sgt. Gen) , 31, 12k  
> T. of Kuinaixi: Lun (Sr. Col), 34, 8k  
> YUCI:  
> T. of Keifeng: Hongji (Sgt. Gen), 29 - - - 10k  
> T. of Jiaozhou: Tugor-Jun (Sr. Col), 27 - - - 9k  
> T. of Yinping: Jiuling (Col.), 25 - - - 4k  
> XIAODIAN:  
> T. of Luliang: Yixing, (Sr. Col) 27 - - - 7k  
> T. of Yulin: Yu-Suogu, (Sr. Col) 30 - - - 5k  
> JINZHONG: Following are mostly riders.  
> T. of Zhumadian: Wenshunu, (Sgt. Gen) 33 - - - 10k - Commander of all Riders   
> T. of Gra: Huai, (Sr. Col) 24 - Gra - - - 8k  
> T. of Pingding: Yijian, (Sgt. Gen) 32 - - - 11k  
> \- - - - - - - - -  
> -PROVINCE OF BOSHAN, Jian's direct control, includes the commanderies of YUNZHONG, QIXIAN, XIAODIAN


	76. A Yunjiwei at Court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all the campaigning, it's time to pay a visit to the Imperial Court!
> 
> Some things never change.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Two:

Oh, what a wonderful sleep! For the first time this  _ year _ , I woke exactly as I always wanted to wake up. As someone intelligent has probably said, ‘sleeping on dirt makes you enjoy that straw mattress all the better’. I’m willing to credit that statement to any of the Kyoshi Warriors, as we all slept on straw mattresses. Well… sleeping on permafrost barely covered by tattered fur  _ really  _ makes you enjoy the lavish silk threading of the Imperial Bedchamber. The previous night was cool enough for some of us that a fur blanket was necessary.  _ It wasn’t that cold, it’s just a cold spike in the springtime, but I’m not the one who needed the blanket _ . It’s a good thing  _ someone  _ recently went hunting and grabbed a fur blanket for such usage. It’s also a good thing someone else is happy to offer that blanket so someone can take that blanket entirely for herself. The compromise we  _ didn’t make because the Empress is the arbiter of anything she wishes to be _ is that she’d sleep on my chest and I’d just try my hardest not to turn everything into a pool of sweat. Oh, and for part of that, she’d pause her hugging so I would have but the smallest amount of handroom. 

Also, you know, a short amount of time set aside to let the healers tend to me before we resumed sleeping. “What do you mean you took multiple arrows to multiple parts of your body?” “Exactly what you said. That’s… yes that’s it.” Toph went through multiple emotions but settled on slowly nodding, “Good. You’re one hard tree.” Then she proved that I was a hard tree by knocking me on the shoulder. The healers gave me this ‘can… Your Majesty please stay still’ look, like  _ I’m  _ supposed to do something about that. I shook my head, so they waited until the Empress left the room. And… being the Empress, “No, I’m not leaving until you’re done getting your legs reattached… or something like that.”  _ Something like that, right. Got it _ . I tried to eye-gesture the healers to do their job, then I waved them over. “Just work on me” I said in a less than commanding tone. “Toph…” I took one of her hands and held it, “...can you  _ please  _ let the healers… heal?” “ _ Fine _ . But I’m  _ tired _ !” and she proved how tired she was by storming out of the room. 

A few  _ fen  _ later, the healers were done, I thanked them and dismissed them.... and she returned… covered in dust.  _ “How _ ” was all I needed to ask. “I got bored” was all she thought she needed to reply…. I sat up in bed. “Are… you…” I paused to watch her casually stroll past me and over to the other side of the bed. “Are you going to explain… how?” “Earthbending training.” Then she pressed both palms at the ground and removed all the dust from her sleep robe. “Are you done asking, Your Questionliness?” and she got in bed. “I believe it’s Lord Inquiriness, Your Majesty,” I tried correcting her. “I  _ have  _ a title,  _ Kyoshi.”  _ “I believe it’s-” but she put a hand on my mouth. “Kyoshi… talk later. Sleep now.” and she went to lie down on my chest. “ _ Attendants _ , blow out the lanterns, will you?” I had to shout. This aggravated her, but as quickly as I asked, they did so, and like that, the two of us could fall asleep.

It was underneath a large thick fur blanket with the Empress resting on my chest that I woke up. It wasn’t my decision to throw a blanket over my one good eye, but as said, the Empress decides all that was and all that will be and I’m more than happy to just lie here.  _ After everything, it’s so, so worth it _ . I took my one free hand, for my other was numb as a result of the old ‘someone slept on it’ syndrome, and pushed the blanket off my face. The cool air outside the realm of the Blanket Lord bit into my face. Then I felt my face and affirmed that, indeed, I was sweating from wearing a blanket designed for harsh polar nights, not mild spring ones. My good eye looked around and I noticed that there was a hint of blue peeking through the closed shades.  _ It’s twilight. Hopefully morning twilight _ .

“Kyoshi, why are you awake?” came a voice from beneath the darkened blanket. My good eye adjusted to the light conditions that a single dim lantern and the twilight light granted me.  _ That is, very little _ . “I guess I’m a morning person?” I responded, not that serious. “Morning person? That’s sweet, I’m a  _ me  _ person.” and that voice now had a stirring mass to add to it.  _ I’m a morning person, yes, but it’s not just that. _ “Toph…” I reminded her that my hand was stuck underneath her by moving my moveable arm, she moved to let me pull my hand out, and I took my free hand and roughly found her head. Once there, I rested my hand on her hair and she pretended to be Lord Qiangyang, giving one of those ‘I am a content badgermole and will not crush you with a cave-in’ … noises.  _ It’s badgermole speak _ .  _ Trust me, I’m experienced with them _ . 

“Toph…” I repeated. “Yes Kyoshi?” she murmured. “Isn’t it about time for Morning Court?” “I don’t know, Kyoshi, is it?”  _ What do you mean you don’t know?  _ I remembered how to give a hair massage and got to work doing that.  _ Rub, rub, scratch, rub, rub, all set to the tune of… ‘Noble Girl’ by the Imperial Dai Li Choir. I guess.  _ “Shouldn’t we be getting invited to Morning Court?” and, probably from the enjoyment of the hair scratches, she moved her head. In her moving her head around, that only got more of her bed-hair everywhere but where I’m supposed to be scratching it. “I don’t know, Kyoshi. Should we?” she mumbled and followed this with a yawn.  _ I… I guess we should.  _ She yawned once again. “I’m still quite tired, Kyoshi. You want to go back to sleep?” and she picked up her hair to help toss it into my hands for optimal hair massaging. “I...we…” but I trailed off, having my duty to a hair massage to answer to, first.

I felt that urge to just close my good eye once again and go back to a wonderful rest where the biggest pain I had to worry about was Toph numbifying my hand from terrible torso placement because even  _ if  _ I was holding her in the middle of the night, I can’t stop her from somehow moving around my hand then lying down on it and forcing it to go numb. It was a great urge, and many times previously I had given in to it.  _ Oh, the attraction of sleep… it’s so alluring _ .

I’m sure many monarchs took ‘days off’, as they’re called in the Colonies. Instead of working on their monarchical duties, they just laid around in bed all day enjoying the fruits of their labor. Both literal fruits, exotic produce they imported, and less literal kinds, like attending plays. I’m sure even the tyrannical Fire Lords of the Hundred Year War took days off to go for a garden stroll. It’s a bit hard to picture the villainous Azulon taking young Iroh and young Ozai going for a walk around the Royal Fire Gardens… but… they  _ did  _ have a private beach house, right?  _ Of course they did. All monarchs own retreats that they can retreat to when they’re tired of court life _ . 

But… I’m not a monarch, am I? I’m the One-Eyed Badgermole, among other personal achievements that I got from who I am, not who I am sleeping with.  _ Pu-On Tim, don’t you dare take that out of context. _ I’m the Earth Emperor, sure, but I’ve never sat on the golden chair a dozen dynasties have coveted. More recently, I’m the Sky Conqueror and Chief of the Sixty-First Hall. I didn’t  _ get  _ those titles from accepting my basic desires of neverending comfort and going back to sleep. No, I got them from action.  _ Action gets things done _ .

“I don’t want to go back to sleep, Toph. I want to get up and go to Morning Court.” Even if my remark sounded stressed or overly impatient, that didn’t stop me from scratching Toph’s hair. “Well  _ I  _ want to go back to sleep, Kyoshi. And I think I will.” and she took her hands, raised them like pillars with their bases -elbows- being in my chest and toppling them over so that the palms landed on my shoulders. “Toph... “ I emphasized, “...I want to go to Court.”  _ Wait, wait, remember, self, this isn’t Xishan. She is the Empress. You have to ask.  _ “Do I have your permission to go to Court?” She forced a much louder yawn out,  _ okay that one’s fake _ . 

“If you want to go to Court, you can go to Court.” She used her hands to palm-strike my shoulders in a moment of ‘getting the last word in’ before retracting them and rolling over to let me get up. In rolling over, she trapped my hand under her head. Not much of a mistake, a bit of an ‘ow’ moment, but resolved shortly after when I nudged her side with my other hand. I then sat up and looked at the lantern, then at the window, then at the Empress.  _ Maybe it’s my first day back and this is a one-off, but asking can’t hurt. I need to know how active she’s been in Court _ . “Toph?” 

The woman who was swiping around for a pillow gave a quiet “What is it?” before finding a pillow and giving it a good squeeze.  _ That’s… my pillow.  _ “Have you been invited to Court recently?” I asked, grabbing my informal robe and pulling it on.  _ It’s got to match the pants I’m already wearing _ . “I only got home the other day” she replied from the comfort of her pillow. “But before that?” “I got tired of being told to come-” she paused to sit up and do her bed hair into a slightly more manageable pile, “-when all I wanted to do was enjoy these really  _ sweet  _ pillows, so I had someone else deal with the Court for me... then he and I meet later in the day when I’m not busy.”  _ Huh? What? You don’t go to Court. You’re… what?  _

“Who’s the ‘someone else’?” I asked, going back to her and taking her hair for her so I could throw it over her back. “This Grand Chancellor guy.”  _ Grand Chancellor ‘guy’. I heard that before. Wasn’t it temporary? Isn’t that rank… temporary?  _ “Wasn’t it a regency?”  _ Until you return from your travels, that is _ . “If you mean temporary, then no.” and she laid back down in bed. “He’s been doing a good job simplifying all the stupid I’ve heard when I went to Court. He makes it easy for me to go ‘I like that’ and ‘I’m going to punch a rock-’” she punched the air, “‘into that.’” 

_ What in the name of Kyoshi? A permanent regency? What?  _ “Why is it permanent?” I asked, my voice jumping up in a mixture of shock and… confusion. “Why not, Kyoshi?” she asked, a bit of cynicism in her voice. “Because you’re the Empress, and it’s your responsibility to…” I started talking with my hands, pointing at her then in the general direction of the Badgermole Throne. “What,-” she fake yawned, “-listen to all those men with one foot in the grave tell me about the latest Palace construction in the Region of Ganlanshanlan?” “That’s not even a name of a region,” I said, unsure if that was true or not. “Am I rolling my eyes correctly?” she loudly asked. “I’m going to go with ‘yes.’” “Good.” I sighed. “If you want to go to Court, Kyoshi, you can.”  _ Well… that settles it. _

“Where will you be today, Toph?” I asked, since maybe that’d help us coordinate our schedules.  _ It’s a good idea to spend time together. _ “Training metalbending. Today’s statue day!” I let out a few out of context manically sounding laughs. “Do I…” I laughed into my hand, “do I want to know what that is?” “Unless you want to be made into a statue, Kyoshi, the answer is ‘no.’” “ _ What’s that supposed to mean? _ ” I asked, sounding like I was just hit in the gut with an elbow. “It’s a metalbending secret!” she declared loudly. 

I stood up and set my good eye on the door to the adjacent bedroom. As I started walking away, “Kyoshi!” and I stopped in place, turned around, and asked “What?” A figure rolled through the blanket, swiveling her legs just before she would fall off it and thud the ground. In the darkness, her silhouette was quite different from her appearance due to the bed-hair. Even then, the dim lantern light meant I still made out the distinctive green-tinted eyes as they ‘looked’ at me. “ _ This _ is for waking me up!” and she gave me a very powerful  _ elbow  _ in the stomach. This forced me to buckle over in “Ow!”ness, which gave her an opportunity to stop my buckling with a punch to the shoulder. “And that’s for Consort-ly duties!”  _ You and I have a different definition of that _ . Then she backed towards the bed and fell onto it. 

I walked into the Consort’s Bedroom, a room I’ve used to sleep in a grand total of approximately  _ never _ . Inside, I was greeted by a whole bunch of “Your Majesty”s and kowtows. I’ll save myself the sanity of trying to explain what these attendants were thinking as they pulled out a whole slew of clothes. I didn’t need their help changing out of my sleep-clothes or my undergarments, but once I’m changed into new undergarments, I’m standing there in said undergarments while they show off a bunch of dresses and not-dresses  _ no, no these are manly manly robes _ I can wear. Because I haven’t seen them in a long time, I guess, they took to complimenting that I grew since we last met.  _ Of course. Nonstop fighting in ice land with no Sun present tends to do that _ . When I called the bunch of them ‘pretty’, since they  _ are _ ,  _ note, Imperial staff are always dressed well and take care of themselves _ , they… well I couldn’t see them blushing but I took it that they did because they suddenly found themselves acting even vain-er than before. 

Anyways, I had picked ‘the Imperial Wintertime Robes’ but one of the attendants was all ‘Your Majesty it’s the spring’ and I looked at her in a ‘what?’ kind of way which made her scared, then I apologized profusely for intimidating her by _bowing_. Then I clarified that I “Want whatever’s in in the season”. Instead of having the rich blue hue, the Imperial Springtime Robes were brilliant green in honor of the season of Earth, spring. _The season of rebirth and of planting. Lots of greens from growing leaves and growing grasses. Lots and lots of greens. The farmers call the three full cycles of the Moon that make up Spring the months of Apricot, Peach and Plum Flower._ _My robes didn’t smell like apricots, peaches or plum flowers_. With the many layers of robes that form the Imperial Springtime Robes on, I called a courtier to get me my scabbard. So she asked “Which one?” and that was when I remembered my birthday present...s. Birthday presents. Because a certain Empress was very kind. 

I now, officially, had ceremonial meteorite blades. As should be obvious, a polearm such as a  _ guandao  _ isn’t very ceremonial so there’s only one of those in stock. Same goes with the variety of  _ dao _ I’ve been given and the longer  _ jian _ s. But now I had a ceremonial meteorite  _ jian _ . Formerly, it was the ancestral blade of the Beifongs. I think being used now as a tool for formal occasions fits the ‘personality’ of the ancestral House of the Flying Boar, but just as that House was unseated and upturned, so too would the blade be replaced. When I say ceremonial, I don’t mean functionless. That blade  _ can  _ and  _ will  _ hack through people and most wooden weapons. I just mean that I have a newer  _ jian  _ forged for battle. Not just one, multiple. 

Every last piece of that fallen star was harvested for the two of us. I _think_ it included: two matched _jian_ s, a _jian_ like the Beifong one, a shorter _jian_ for naval usage, a _guandao_ , a _dadao_ for some reason, a regular _dao_ , and last, but definitely not least, the _shuang-shou jian_. “I’ll take the large blade!” All of these could be worn with ceremonial _manly manly dress_ , or they could be worn into battle. It’s such a Toph thing to do. Not wearing pretty scabbards, she’s naked when she’s not coated in dirt, but using her metalbending to make a work of art. A practical work of art, _a blade, or twenty_. I’d say she’s probably not the one who chose the elaborate scabbards or hilts, since she can’t see them, but knowing her and her innate knowledge of what I like, dressing fancy with a practical purpose, she probably demanded the blacksmiths get the best _practical_ hilts. When I felt those hilts in my hands, they felt exactly like war swords. _She knew_. Not that I’d ever _ask_ for anything specific for a birthday present, but she knew what my heart was feeling when she gave me them. She _planned_ that. 

In walked a man who was a bit taller than average and physically well-built, wearing standard court attire. He was carrying the large, five  _ and more _ Consort’s feet blade like one would carrying a pike, except his hands were located on the hilt and the middle of the scabbard, respectively. The man placed the blade on the ground, backed up, and kowtowed so that his head would touch the floor in front of the long scabbard. “I was assigned to be Your Majesty’s weapon-carrier, as this  _ jian  _ was considered too large to be carried around on Your Majesty’s own.”  _ Oh?  _ I rubbed my chin. “Assigned? Why would such a task be done without my permission?” I wasn’t upset, nor did I sound upset, I was just half-interested and half-confused from being naive. “The Minister of the Imperial Clan requested it, Your Majesty.”  _ Minister of the Imperial Clan? Is this even his jurisdiction? Is this something Toph agreed to?  _ “Does Your Majesty wish to disband my appointment?” the man asked this with such… graceful decorum in his tone. I looked at the ground, at the  _ jian _ , thought about it, and mentally nodded with his original objective. “No, if you’re to be my weapon-carrier, then go get me my ceremonial  _ jian _ . Regular.” The man stood up, looked at me, bowed, and backed out of the room. 

While he was gone, I took the scabbard at my feet and picked it up. It weighed… more than I thought but less than it looks. I guess it’s because I thought in terms of regular  _ jian  _ sizes and this blade is two of those almost end-to-end. Drawing the blade proved that after a slight tug on the blade, the rest of it would come out swiftly. I don’t know the materials used for the scabbard, it  _ sounds  _ like wood, which just means I have to be careful when drawing it. It’s far too large to just sling over my back, and only a man who  _ wants  _ to get stabbed first would try drawing from the back in battle. As such, a weapon-carrier makes sense. If I can’t wear it on my back, then someone else can and hand it to me before the battle commences. The exterior of the scabbard was decorated with a Kyoshi Island blue, a pure blue, bluer than anything else I own. Gold leafing ran down it, upon closer inspection showcasing a motif of a single line of earth coins on either face of the scabbard. The blade’s hilt has a blue-green tassel bored into the hole. Unsheathing and resheathing the blade showed that, as I remembered from the previous day, it was black with gold etching near the base of the blade. During this whole examination, I had neglected to notice that the weapon-carrier had returned. He handed me the old Beifong blade, I handed him the  _ shuang-shou jian.  _ “I’ve thought this over, I’ll take you up on your offer as my personal weapon-bearer.” The man smiled, kowtowed again, and rose. “Thank you, Your Majesty! Thank you!”  _ Wow. You’re… really excited about the prospect _ . I then put on the ceremonial blade and set off for Morning Court.

While we walked the long distance from the Imperial Bedchambers to the Badgermole Throne, I had time to strike up a conversation with this new part of my retinue. “If you don’t mind me asking” I began, politely,  _ no really, politely, meeting new people who aren’t trying to assassinate me and seem to just beam with anticipation is an enjoyable experience _ , “What’s your name, rank, you know,-” I waved my hand over itself, “-that stuff?” “I am Ju-Jun, Your Majesty. My surname is Zhou. I am a  _ yunjiwei _ .” This was… not something I would have expected to hear from a lowly ‘weapon-carrier’. A  _ yunjiwei  _ is a rare sight. Hard to achieve.  _ A he’s a weapon-carrier. _

“Who named you a  _ yunjiwei _ ?” “I was awarded the title by His Highness, Imperial Commander of the Army of the East, General Jun, Your Majesty.”  _ General Jun? The east? There’s someone else from the east with that name _ . “Did you know that General Song is of the Line of Zhou?” The man nodded. “That is where my surname is from, Your Majesty.”  _ What?  _ “General Song has children?” “I was not born to him, Your Majesty. I was adopted. My real family lived in a fishing port along the Sunrise Sea. They died to a pirate raid.”  _ There I go. Because he was adopted, he took his adopted father’s surname as his own _ . 

“What’s the son of the Empire’s greatest general doing as my weapon-carrier? Should you not be doing as your father did? Leading?” “My father wanted me to rise through the ranks, Your Majesty.”  _ Despite you being a noble, you did it the old-fashioned way.  _ “Like father like son I guess.” I quipped. This man shared his adopted father’s penchant for roaring laughter, and like his father, laughed at a joke at his own expense. Except… his laugh wasn’t as roaring, it was more…  _ noble _ . And it came to a halt long before Song ever would. “How were you named a  _ yunjiwei _ ?” “I assisted in operations to oust Imperial deserters from lands out in the southern peninsula.”  _ Assisted in… that’s not…  _

“That’s not worthy of being bestowed such an honorable title.  _ What did you really do? _ ”  _ Why must you… Song-related people, whether by blood or not be so humble?  _ “I killed a few men, Your Majesty.”  _ Why? Why be so humble?  _ “If that was all it took, every  _ daofei  _ from here to the Gong would be  _ yunjiwei  _ and… they’re not.” I didn’t want to actually sigh in front of him, I respected his father too much, but just because I respect someone doesn’t mean I can’t admit they’re too stubborn.  _ See: Toph _ . “I passed the Tests and… personally dueled and killed the Pirate Lady of Rinchan, the self-titled Queen of the ‘Two-Shade Sea.’”  _ Where the Feicui and Sunrise meet. She died a few years back.  _

“Ah, so you’re a  _ junzi  _ and a  _ yunjiwei.  _ Your father’s the last of the old ones, you know that?” “Of the Gentlemen? He admits there’s hundreds like him, Your Majesty.” “I  _ admit  _ that there’s an army of people kin to Her Imperial Majesty. Doesn’t make it factual.” He raised an eyebrow. “I always thought the Beifongs possessed a mighty host and that their scions held power everywhere from Chin to Suxu, Your Majesty.” “That’s because ‘The Histories of the Southlands’ are as ancient as…” but I didn’t have something to compare it to. So I didn’t. “As ancient as the days when Kyoshi Island was Yokoya?” he offered.  _ Ah…  _ “Yes. As old as that. And those Histories are written by nobles and chamberlins working for the House of the Flying Boar.” “It would make sense, Your Majesty. They controlled the Gaoling River for a thousand years.” 

“A student of history,” I said, offering him a smile. The man gave a polite head bow. I carried on with my explanation. “With all due respect to Her Imperial Majesty’s subjects that far south, half our maps connected Nantu and Chin and half thought that Nantu and Beihai were two islands.” “Would Your Majesty like me to get on a revision of that?”  _ What?  _ “No, no, you’re my blade-carrier, not some… well… that’s  _ my  _ job. You’re going to have enough on your hands once I mount my ostrich horse and go off to do something very justice-y to a ethnic group somewhere.” “Your Majesty, I already have enough on my hands.” and he presented the large  _ jian  _ to me. Then he allowed his  _ noble _ tone to break down into a bit of laughter. And I laughed, because visual jokes can be humorous. 

A little time passed, I resumed the conversation. “I’ve always wanted to take the Tests, my  _ yunjiwei _ .” “Is Your Majesty not the epitome of what all young men should aspire to be?” “Was that sarcasm?” “No, Your Majesty, I mean it with utmost sincerity.” I answered his question. “I’m no  _ junzi _ ”. “But Your Majesty is the Emperor,” he said it like a child talking to his role model. “The way I see it, you’re more of a  _ junzi  _ than I am, my  _ yunjiwei _ ,” and I offered him another smile. “Is that because I am a  _ junzi,  _ Your Majesty?” “No, it’s because you’re…”  _ wait, wait. Wait.  _ “ _ maybe _ . Yeah. It is.” He and I exchanged a nod.

“The more I think about it, my  _ yunjiwei _ , the more I think Song sent you here because you’re not… like everyone else.” “He used, as he said, ‘all the political power I could muster during  _ sigeng _ ’, to recommend my appointment, Your Majesty.” I missed the joke,  _ sigeng is the middle of the night _ , and thought he was serious. “Wait, I thought you said you earned this.” “I earned the  _ yunjiwei _ , Your Majesty. But the notice came in for… Your Majesty needed a weapon-bearer for the  _ shuang-shao jian _ , so I applied.” “So Song didn’t use any of his political power.” “Father wouldn’t…”  _ No, no, of course he wouldn’t. Song’s not the type to do that. You just missed the joke because we can’t track everything everyone says at the moment of them saying it _ .

“But I had also dreamed of this job for the past…” he paused, as if the next word would be embarrassing or something he might not want to admit. “Since Her Imperial Majesty was granted the Mandate? Two years sounds short, but a lot can happen in that time.” “I...yes, Your Majesty.”  _ Hey, you don’t need to sound so ‘this is too short an amount of time to desire something’.  _ “It’s alright, between you and me?” and he went large eyed at the possibility of hearing something secretive. As he should. 

“It only took Her Imperial Majesty and I  _ one  _ afternoon to become close acquaintances by circumstance and one evening to elope together. Just because the Empire and the Kingdom before it deemed anything less than ten years as being ‘no time at all’ doesn’t mean it’s always true.” I gave him a reassuring shoulder tap and he blinked and looked alive with new enlightenment. “Thank you, Your Majesty. Very profound words and it’s…” he genuinely stammered, “it’s… an honor to hear of the planting of a relationship that has blossomed into something really special.” I couldn’t help myself from rubbing my head.  _ Really special? What?  _ He looked shocked and began kowtowing out of apology. 

“Listen,  _ yunjiwei _ ,  _ I  _ know what you mean. It’s just… if you try talking to Toph like that you’ll only be made fun of.” I looked at him to try and give a reassuring smile but was only greeted with a facial expression that I can only describe as ‘I was just struck by lightning’. “What’s the matter?” “I… Your Majesty. That’s… that’s Her Imperial Majesty’s personal name.” Being given this forbidden knowledge made him appear somewhat delirious and dazed. I didn’t  _ need  _ to ask if he was alright, he clearly wasn’t. But he recovered from his bout of taboo-learning when I said “Get used to it. If you’re my  _ yunjiwei,  _ I expect that your quarters will be near ours.” He  _ froze _ . “What?!?” No ‘Your Majesty’ formal tone. Just… ‘What’. “Yes, because if you’re my blade-carrier and I like carrying my blade, I’ll need you around.” “I…” he almost dropped the blade, then he did, and got into a kowtow. “That’s… that’s the most prestigious honor I can receive… from Your Majesty no less!” I waved for him to get up. “Oh, Toph’s going to make you  _ regret…  _ what, volunteering for this?”  _ She’s going to have a field day. No, that’s giving him too much credit. A massacre.  _ “T...T…” “Yes, that’s her name. I use it within the confines of the best sheets this side of the anywhere.” I then gave him one of those Xishan tiger-bear hugs. Did he faint? No. Which means he’s probably crazy enough to survive the Empress. 

After he remembered how to be conscious, he begged forgiveness from me, I gave it as casually as one would give out insignificant honorary titles that were made up on the way from one place to another place. To bring him back to what  _ I  _ expected of him, “Just remember, you’re more honorable and noble than the  _ Emperor. _ ” Between the way I said it, and how I said it, that made him chuckle from amusement. I cheered him on. “You’re like the Emperor, but better!” He denied it, “That’s not true, Your Majesty!”. 

So I tried something else. “Did you know… Her Imperial Majesty prefers mud baths and I showers, but I never get my way?” “Why would Her Imperial Majesty oppose a shower?” he asked, exactly as surprised as I thought. “If I had to guess-” and I pulled my sarcastically noble tone out of the clothing cabinet, “-probably because she prefers being covered in dirt and spreading the dirt to the farthest reaches of the bed.” He gave me this  _ look  _ of someone who, again, heard something both forbidden and comical. “Yes. Yes. It’s true. Yes. It is.” “How does Your Majesty cope with it? Are Kyoshi Islanders not avid of saunas and hot springs?” “We  _ are  _ hot spring people, just ask my cousin. But we’re also Clear Whiskey people.” I blinked a few times. “Ignore that. What does every soldier of the Imperial Army say, my  _ yunjiwei _ ?” “I don’t know, Your Majesty. The question was quite vague.”  _ Right right, of course _ . I pinched the bridge of my nose from the stupid.  _ Time for the noble commanding tone _ . “‘Our loyalty to Her Imperial Majesty, our lives to the Empire’, right?” “I don’t think that’s accurate, Your Majesty.” “Just… you’re in Ba Sing Se. Just say ‘yes.’” “Yes. Your Majesty. Yes.” “Now you’re getting it!” and I punched the air in applause.

I corrected myself. “Maybe it’s not accurate, but I’ll gladly put my Empress’s wishes above my own. Would you not do the same, my  _ yunjiwei _ ?” “I… I would, Your Majesty. But Your Majesty is the Imperial Consort. You have the right to do anything required to prepare yourself for Consortly duties.”  _ Consort...consortly….  _ “Ha!” and I slapped my side. “Do… do you think I’m some kind of Consort?”  _ Well that was a very wise way of saying it, tree-man _ . “Your Majesty is the Imperial Consort. Unless the Archives are wrong, is Your Majesty not permitted to take showers multiple times a day due to the… nature of being  _ the  _ Imperial Consort?” “My  _ yunjiwei _ , the most ‘nature’ I’m dealing with is when Her Imperial Majesty tracks in the latest dirt from somewhere and it ends up in my hair.” “Your Majesty, I’m a mere weapon-carrier, Your Majesty doesn’t need to honor me with that title.” I felt… off, going on without correcting him. So I stopped walking, turned to him, and looked him in his eyes with my one good one.

“Listen,  _ yunjiwei _ , you’re a  _ yunjiwei _ . You’re going to be a  _ yunjiwei  _ from when you earned that title until the day you die. May that day be long in the future. You  _ earned  _ that title. I do not call my attendants attendants. I do not call my servants servants. Neither does Her Imperial Majesty. To them, their names are how we remind them that they are people, too. Being a  _ servant _ is diminutive. Being Lee, or Ming, or Bao, they’re names. You’re a  _ yunjiwei _ . Not many people are, and to me, and I’m sure Her Imperial Majesty if I explained it properly, being a  _ yunjiwei  _ is one of the best accomplishments a man can earn in his life. If you’d prefer I called you Ju-Jun, I’ll gladly call you that. But it’s up to you to make that request. Otherwise, it’s  _ yunjiwei _ . I refuse to give you a demeaning title, even if it’s the ‘correct’ one.” 

The man looked like he was about to faint. “I…” he stopped, amazed. “I…” I took the blade from him and placed it on the floor in case he was about to fall over. “Thank you, Your Majesty. I… I… I would… ‘Ju’ is fine. My friends call me Zhu.” “Well then,  _ Zhu _ -” I gave him a few reassuring back pats, “-you’re always going to be  _ yunjiwei  _ to me. I know the rest of the Empire’s a bit… Imperial, but Her Imperial Majesty and I, as much as the posters make us seem one way, we’re… very talkable. I mean, sure, as the adage goes, ‘do not bother a sleeping badgermole’, but with all your ranks considered, you’re always free to ask me something while following me around, or while I’m writing answers to the Imperial Memorials in the study. Do you understand?” Normally, asking someone if they ‘do understand’ is not a good thing. Here asking that was… well between the forbidden knowledge from before and the… I don’t know,  _ honesty _ , I gave him, Ju-Jun ‘Zhu’ looked like he was about to faint. I must thank the Kyoshi Warriors who were following me along for grabbing him  _ as  _ he fainted. 

He roused awake about a  _ fen  _ later. The first thing he opened his eyes two was an Emperor waving his hand in front of him going “Hello! It’s me, the Emperor!” and this was  _ not  _ the smartest thing to do. Zhu rocked backwards and banged his head against the wall. “Your...Your Majesty! Where… why am I lying against a wall?” “You fainted after hearing things that shocked you.” He then stood up and looked around for “Where’s my charge? I had a blade to carry, right, Your Majesty?” and I spun around and swiped the blade up from its resting point against the wall to hand to him. “You might want to take a  _ fen _ or a  _ dian _ to rest.” “Orders were orders!” the man spouted, getting up, receiving the scabbard and resting it against his shoulder while his hand held the flat-bottomed end of the scabbard. 

And like  _ that _ , he was back to walking around, the momentary faint gone and his energy restored. So I led on, talking along the way. “Zhu, did you hear what I said before you fainted?” “I...I did, Your Majesty. I just… I can’t believe it. Your Majesties are… very kind.” Not a few  _ miao  _ later, we reached the large doors that led to the main hallway. “Well, believe it ‘cause we’re about to be busy!” and I took a few steps towards the door. “Court time, coming right up!” and I stretched my hands out as wide as possible, as if I’d suddenly learn to doorbend. The two Imperial Guards opened the creaking giants. 

“Presenting, His Imperial Majesty, the Earth Emperor, the Imperial Consort, the-” and the Imperial Herald, a person not the ministry, went on and on with my titles. For the first time in a  _ long  _ time, I walked through the multi-story doors and into the room that harbors the Badgermole Throne. From over at the doorway, the menacing badgermole clutching an earth coin seemed to blindly watch me. The Badgermole Throne, the centerpiece of Ba Sing Se, of the Empire, and according to those at its sides, the centerpoint of the entire world, was vacant. When the herald finished with his titles, the entire Court rose, then lowered themselves into a kowtow. I eyed a couple faces I remembered from a season and some ago, faces scattered amidst a sea of people I didn’t know. I then fluffed my robes, knelt, and bopped my head against the ground directly along the center of the center-path that bisected the room. “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!” I spoke in calm, collected, fealty to the vacant chair. Zhu followed suit. When he rose, I took to walking down the main aisle towards the Consort’s Throne, formerly a dining room chair.

“Your Majesty, it has been nearly four full cycles of the Moon since Your Majesty last graced the Imperial Palace,” spouted one of those men to whom their names I had forgotten. “Your Majesty, we, humble members of Court, have heard of Your Majesty’s successes at quelling the rebellion. May Your Majesty be given ample rewards,” said another. The room seemed to agree with that man, saying stuff like “Hear hear!” and “Right!” in their calm formal tones. 

Things changed, for as I approached the final row of ministers, the highest-ranked ones, one of them walked out and said “Your Majesty! Please consider my humble proposal!” and this man produced a scroll from his  _ jifu  _ robes. But as this is the Imperial Court, he could not be alone. Another minister stepped out and  _ also  _ said “Your Majesty! Please accept my humble proposal instead!” Then another. Then another. Before I knew it, I had about ten ministers, or deputy ministers, or whatever they were officially, surrounding me. But because I’m the Emperor, they couldn’t legally  _ force  _ me to listen to them, so they just voiced their requests and stood there, silently, with scrolls in their hands. All this behavior sparked a “This isn’t very courtly” whisper from my weapon-carrying companion. _ I agree, yunjiwei _ . _ I agree. _ So I raised my opened palm and the court officials  _ all  _ realized what I meant, since speaking isn’t always everything. They then begged forgiveness, “Please forgive me, Your Majesty” and all that. But, as I wasn’t interested in having any of it, I just walked through the professional mob and over to the Consort’s Throne.

“Morning Court is now in session!” announced a courtier from the other end of the hall. While the Court officials began speaking to one another, I rested on my hand and looked at Zhu. “You want to carry that forever?” The  _ yunjiwei  _ nodded, “it’s a privilege to, Your Majesty.”  _ Right.  _ “Guards.” and an Imperial Guard stepped forward from the nearest guard position at one of the walls. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Get him a seat and place it beneath the stairs.” “Yes, Your Majesty.” The  _ yunjiwei  _ looked at me with shock, a look of ‘this...I’ve never had this before’. As such, I responded with “Welcome to my retinue, my  _ yunjiwei,  _ I mean, Zhu.” He had no words. As one of the guards and two courtiers left to retrieve ‘a chair’, I took to listening to the current Court discussion. Some minister was in the middle of speaking.

“...I have noticed a specific odor impregnating the harmonious scents of the Imperial Palace Grounds. On further inquiry, I discovered fifteen men of some savage tribe inhabiting a residence there. When my deputy minister went to investigate, he found that only one of them understood him.”  _ Okay… listen here. They might smell like furs, and by all accounts they are most definitely uncivilized, but they’re not forbidden from the Palace Grounds.  _ “Minister Hong, what have you discovered?” Then the first minister sat back down on his cushion and the second minister rose.  _ The second minister is Minister Hong _ .  _ The Minister Herald. _ “They appear to be Northerners from the lands of Beishan. I believed that they were taken as servants, but upon  _ my  _ deputy’s inquiries, they turned out to be in possession of weapons.” I wondered why nobody was asking me any of these questions, then I noticed why. It only took the Imperial Guard placing a chair down and making my eye look left.

A new chair sat in front of and to the left of the Badgermole Throne. It was beneath the stairs, but it faced the rest of the Court. In it sat an old man with his greyish-white hair in a topknot encased in a standard courtly  _ putou _ . A new chair, crisp and clean and  _ it’s a chair not a cushion _ . A chair dignified a higher status. Then I noticed this man’s voice. “The Badgermole Throne has no tolerance of such disobedience.”  _ What disobedience? Did I miss a part of the conversation?  _ Considering the next words were from this Hong, “How will my deputy minister be compensated?”, I take it that I did, indeed, miss a section of this conversation.  _ Those were Kotyan’s men. On my word in accepting them as my bodyguard, I vowed to give them the protection they’d or any of my other guards would give me _ . 

“Court” One word, one noble-toned word. And  _ Grand Chancellor _ Bohai turned towards me from his fancy little throne of his. “Your Majesty?” he and his old voice inquired with a pinch of an assertive voice. “I would like to make a contribution to this conversation.” I phrased it like that for this is Court, and if there’s one thing to know, it’s that trying to exert control over the Court will only throw them into a never ending loop of formalities and failure. “By all means, Your Majesty. Your Majesty is the Emperor and is fully entitled to this,” and he nodded his head.  _ There we go. That’s what I wanted. Don’t request authority, showcase it _ . 

“I was in the lands of Xishan. Those aren’t Beishaners, they’re men of the Zheng tribe, their homes are in southern Majia.” This made the Court look at me with some kind of slack-jawed peculiar amazement. “How does Your Majesty know them?” one of the second-row ministers asked. “I…”  _ think. Think _ . “I went and audited the Sentinels in Lan Shan and joined an expeditionary campaign against the Yancun…”  _ plural _ , “...Yancunese. As part of this… this audit, I became familiar with the Chiefdoms of the North.” It was only now, while most of the Court was shocked at what I was saying and how confidently I was saying it, that I noticed one man in the crowd wearing a slightly different outfit. A court robe with the short cape of the Imperial Army. 

That one man had a wispy white beard and, unlike his peers, maintained a calm smile while looking at me. His skin was still as white as death, and there were a couple extra paces of emptiness around him. He was the Imperial Tutor, he’s probably older than the rest of this room, combined. Lao Ge commanded a presence even when no words came from his mouth. As the rest of the Court pleaded in their humbled noblest fashions for information, he only chose to smile. The Imperial Tutor is a bundle of mysteries, but wearing a short-cape over his court robes? That’s something I’ve never seen before and could only be pulled off by the Imperial Tutor.  _ Why dress like you’re in the Imperial Army?  _ I wasn’t going to get answers from sitting all the way over here.

_ You. You know what I’m talking about because you sent me on this journey northwards.  _ So I directed my responses, going forward, towards the Court in a general sense and averting my one-eyed gaze from The Immortal. “I went to the lands of Si Gou, and of Majia, and of Zhag’yab, and I… learned many things.”  _ I can’t say that Kotyan got me in.  _ “Then why are these men in the Imperial Palace’s holy sanctum? Why aren’t they back with their sister-wedding friends?” asked one of these middle-aged deputies with a wealth of knowledge and nothing based in reality. Or… the reality outside of Ba Sing Se, to be more accurate. “Does a victor not take rewards?” I asked, letting the Court figure it out for themselves. “How can these men be considered ‘rewards’, Your Majesty?” the Grand Chancellor inquired.  _ I can’t just say ‘I’m the Emperor’ because that doesn’t resolve anything, does it?  _

“I… was involved in a successful campaign against a minor Water Tribe chief’s proxy allies.” The last few words sent a chilling shockwave across the room. “We’re at war with the Water Tribes?” asked someone. “War? We must muster the Army!” stated another in his loudest legal capacity. “War with the Water Tribe would cancel our pacts with His Highness, the Avatar!” said another. And one more person added something for good measure, “Where are the Water Tribe’s forces? Are they coming for us?” Amidst all these voices and many more speaking at the same time, the Grand Chancellor cut out all the chatter and took control of the conversation. “Court! Silence!” and the Court, all those talkative ministers, silenced themselves. Of all the ministers, only one was sitting with a calm smile on his lips.  _ The Imperial Tutor _ . 

The Grand Chancellor looked at me. “Your Majesty, how many casualties did the Empire sustain in this war?”  _ This? This is the first question? This is the most important question to ask? Really? Not whether or not we’re at war?  _ “What counts as a casualty?” I countered his question with one necessitating clarification. “Your Majesty commanded Imperial forces, so how many Imperial soldiers were killed?”  _ How many… Imperial… forces were killed? That’s hard to answer, we didn’t suffer any.  _ “Almost all of the casualties were Xishan Tribesmen and Tribeswomen. Other officers, namely Lieutenant General Ling-Li, would have a registry of Imperial forces. I didn’t command his Sentinels.” Appalling, the Court responded to my grim serious demeanor with  _ laughter _ . Formal laughter. 

One Minister, not someone I knew, called out “So, no casualties! Let the savages kill each other. Less savages raiding our temporary border, the better for the Empire!” and a majority said “Hear hear!” to that statement.  _ Temporary, because you think we’re going to reclaim all that land for the Empire _ . During all these exchanges of laughter, it should be noted that the Minister of the Imperial Clan and the Minister Coach were two notable high-ranked exceptions. There were likely many other lower-ranked ministers who  _ also  _ weren’t in a cheery atmosphere after seeing their Emperor grimly state something, but the loudest voices in the room are almost always the highest-ranked ones. Another exception to this all was the  _ yunjiwei  _ Zhu, who politely stayed silent. Back to the events, I gave Lao Ge a glancing look. One of ‘what is this?’. He gave me a neutral-faced response, which could’ve signaled anything since it’s impossible to read such an ancient man’s expressions. 

The Ministers started talking amongst themselves and I looked around. The beautiful flowery fragrances of the Badgermole Throne, meant to help with being calm and auspicious, drifted away. I rested against the Consort Throne, feeling every little strand of silk beneath my legs. All of this slowly went away. I felt the scent of evergreens, and blood, and herbal remedies. I knew that feeling of fur under my hands… and my mind wandered.

_ ‘No casualties.’ Because the Horn didn’t exist, and you didn’t know him. And those mothers and children who were drowned by the ice-wave outside the gate. The ones that were crying out into the polar darkness as they suddenly found their kin impaled with icicles or cut apart with ice rings. The ones that found their children cut into pieces because the waterbenders… they weren’t an army… they were hunting us. We were the prey. I happened to be at the vanguard or near the vanguard and missed it all, but… we were the prey for their giant game. So many parentless orphans now probably congregate near the Xiongnu Wall. So many widows will never even know where their husbands or wives went. And sure, the Empire has much higher casualties, but it’s one thing to sign up and join a military where the risks are known, and it’s another thing to be some… child, some poor boy or girl, and be killed for nothing more than you’re not a person, you’re the prey.  _

_ Those waterbenders… they’re likely the same in the far south, too. How many of us from Kyoshi Island lost their brothers or sisters because they happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and were killed by raiding Southerners for no reason or because we traded with everyone including Colonials. How many other Earth Islanders warred with minor Southern Chiefdoms? These Water Tribesmen… only the Spirits know what untold things they did to those Tribes and those Tribespeople.  _

I gripped my Throne’s armrest and interrupted whatever discourse was happening while I was distracted with thoughts. “They butchered the Xishan Tribes. They  _ butchered  _ them. The Xishan became a vassal of the Empire before the Water Tribesmen came south. That’s not just ‘some savages’, those were  _ our  _ subjects and they were brutally violated and pillaged.” This news was news to all but one man in the room. The ministers called out, formally, with kowtows and everything, accusations of “Where’s the proof, Your Majesty?” and “They’re savages, savages can’t be our subjects, Your Majesty” and that same voice from earlier repeating his previous comment. “Your Majesty, let the savages kill one another.” All this talking ignored the news. The news that was pivotal to the future of the Empire’s military. The news that one man internalized and gave me a smirk in respect to. 

The Grand Chancellor, being the newfound master of the Court, silenced all the questioning with “Your Majesty, what does ‘a vassal’ mean?”  _ What?  _ My good eyelid felt heavy from all the ‘what?’, as if such a statement was, no, not counter-to,  _ completely irrelevant _ to what I said.  _ Fine, what is a vassal? I assume you’re not stupid enough to not know what a vassal is defined as. You want my definition.  _ “It means that they are our subjects, albeit they currently carry the status of Autonomous Region. That is still a vassal.”  _ They aren’t vassals. How do you defend yourself? You understood what you meant, but they won’t.  _ “In due time, the King of the Xishan will become our vassal. Even now, the King of the Xishan is working with the Sentinels to retake the land.” Such a statement earned formally shocked “What?”s from the ministers. “Savages working with Imperials?” stated one. “Savages don’t belong with Imperials” stated another. “Hear hear” from a majority of the ministers confirmed that these people weren’t that interested in listening to me. 

That didn’t stop me from trying. I gave the Grand Chancellor a glance, _if you want to wrangle control of this wild tiger-moose-lion, then it’s your responsibility_. “Court, let us listen to His Imperial Majesty.” _So you have chosen the responsibility. Very good_. “I have seen it with my own good eye. The Xishan men we fought alongside bear no resentment for…” _that’s a lie. They resent the ‘Jade Empire.’_ _They respected me because I slew a wild animal and because I fought for them. And even then, a few members of the opposition had to be silenced and a war for survival had to break out to push these people into supporting the King_. “...they bear no resentment for I, the Emperor. They follow their King, but their King follows I. As a result, these Xishan will not pose us a threat.” 

The ministers, yet again, didn’t believe me. For all I dislike them, their criticisms are well justified. “Why would Your Majesty be respected by them? How would they meet Your Majesty?” asked one voice in the crowd.  _ Because I did what none of you, save one, would ever do _ . “I…”  _ I can’t lie, can I?  _ “I… met them during the expedition. To win the war, it benefited me to befriend the locals.”  _ Ha. Befriend. Ha. Like the Imperial Army had any presence that far north. Classic Imperial subterfuge.  _ “And these ‘locals’ were forced to kowtow to Your Majesty?”  _ I… your entire statement, nameless deputy minister, is wrong. Where do I even begin with it? How do I even begin with it? _

“The Xishan have a belief that they only do that which they choose to do. So I showcased Imperial Might to them, and their King chose to kowtow to us.”  _ That’s not a lie. The Tribes chose to support the Chief of the Zheng or go against him. The Captain became the Chief, the Chief became the King, and the King united what little he could. Of sixty Great Halls, he brought, what, fourteen?, together. I don’t remember, but it wasn’t that much. And their King did choose to kowtow to us. Sure, he happened to already be our supporter, and he had sworn an oath of lifelong fealty to the Badgermole Throne years ago, but he was now King. So my statement is true. And his brother showed nothing but loyalty to his elder sibling, despite the elder being a kinslayer. Because power is all, and no man of the Zheng or of Xishan will ever come close to Kotyan’s mastery of metalbending.  _

The ministers  _ did  _ understand this statement. The ministers may not be experts at much of anything beyond Ba Sing Se, but all who enter these halls must unanimously respect one thing: the  _ power _ , the raw power, of the Badgermole Throne and she who sits upon it. Personally, I may never amount to anything beyond a tree-man who happens to be better-than-average at the blade and decent at the bow, but such is the nature of being the Emperor. What even  _ is  _ ‘Imperial Might’? You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who can properly define it, but it’ll be easy to find someone who hears those two words and kowtows involuntarily. I suspect it’s due to my stature as a tall Kyoshi Islander, I suspect it’s because my wording has been honest, even if it never told the full truth. I don’t know. But the ministers  _ understood  _ it. They understand power because they were raised to worship the Badgermole Throne. 

Did that stop them from disregarding the Xishan as disloyal? Why would it? I may be the Emperor, one of the most important people of this age by virtue of who I’m sleeping with, but that won’t stop a bunch of old ministers from telling me that “They’re still savages, Your Majesty” and “Reconsider, they should be annexed and forced to assimilate;” among other things. My head slumped forward. I felt tired of all this. I might agree with them on some things,  _ like assimilate _ , but a hundred voices telling me a hundred different opinions that all match up was  _ exhausting _ . So I tried to get away with accomplishing  _ something  _ this morning. 

“Grand Chancellor, may I take control of the entire Xishan matter?” The Grand Chancellor looked like he just sank into a relaxing hot spring. “Why, of course, Your Majesty.” I half-expected him to say ‘that’d make my job so much easier’, but this is the Empire and nothing’s ever ‘too difficult’ in the Imperial Court. As such, I had some parchment brought to me and I had the Grand Chancellor inscribe that ‘All matters related to the presence of the Xishan-born men and women and their habitation on Imperial Palace Grounds’ would be transferred over to me and ‘any of-’ my ‘-choosing’. Bohai was happy to get something as difficult as this off his chest, so he stamped it with his Grand Chancellor’s seal. I then stamped it with mine, and I took the scroll and stood up. 

I walked down the main pathway, the main aisle, stopping next to the Grand Chancellor to request that “All matters both unresolved and resolved be inscribed, as usual, into Imperial Memorials for examination tonight. I have...other matters to attend to.” I watched the Imperial Tutor from the corner of my eye as I gave this statement.  _ Tonight will be a test on how truthful you are, Grand Chancellor. Lao Ge will tell the truth _ . Zhu the  _ yunjiwei _ stood and followed me. Then my Kyoshi Warrior guards followed him. 

As we set off down the main aisle, an Imperial Herald, not to be confused with the ministry, called out, in higher-than-court-appropriate volume,  _ reserved for the heralds _ , “The Court respectfully sends off His Imperial Majesty!” The Court officials then stood and fell into kowtows.  _ Ah, there’s something tragically hilarious, like a funeral of a comedian, about a bunch of disrespectful archaeological exhibits disregarding anything I say during Court only for them to kowtow out of genuine fealty as I leave.  _

As I strolled away from the grand doors of the Badgermole Throne Room, I stopped and Zhu stopped with me. “Zhu” “Yes, Your Majesty?” the quiet man responded. “Do you know who the Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard is?” “I do, Your Majesty. Captain Zheng.”  _ Very good _ . I held out the scroll adorned with seals. “My first job for you, I want you to take this to the Captain and tell him that this-” and I wagged the scroll around, “-is for him to read.” Zhu gave me a confused glance. A ‘why?’ without saying it. “He’ll understand.” “As… Your Majesty wishes.” I waved the blade towards me. “And give me that blade. I’ll meet you at the Thousand Steps!” and he, still unsure of what my point was but quite obedient, swapped the large scabbard with a small scroll. He then took the scroll, kowtowed to me, turned around, and walked in the direction of the Captain’s room.

“For the spring, Your Majesty, we have prepared a cuisine of dumplings, rice balls, and noodles. We also have Your Majesty’s favorites, wild hunted duck-goose and a plate of elephant koi fillet.” and the attendant waved in other attendants, who placed trays down on the large table, can seat many, only seated  _ one _ , and pulled the lids off to reveal the foodstuffs the nameless attendant had predefined. Today’s special tea was for fertility and longevity,  _ don’t think too hard about it _ . I toasted the Empress, “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!”, the attendants waiting on me joined me with the toast, raising their cups as well, and I drank up. 

As I dined on my breakfast’s first pick of elephant koi,  _ just like Kyoshi Island _ , the  _ yunjiwei  _ returned. “I delivered the message to him, Your Majesty.” I pointed at the table. “Eat,” I instructed him. “But it’s breakfast for Your Majesty” the  _ yunjiwei  _ replied, cautious in tone. “Eat. You’re in my bodyguard now. My bodyguard get to eat the same foods I eat.” and I pointed at the seat. An attendant pulled a seat out for him and he sat down. “T...thank you, Your Majesty.” I tried and failed to roll my one good eye. “No problem. Enjoy.” and we started dining. 

“Where are we going after this, Your Majesty?” “Either blade training or the Imperial Tutor. I haven’t decided yet.” “Does Your Majesty want me to go make preparations-” but he was cut off by the sound of a  _ gong _ . 

_ Gong _ . “Dragon!” cried some herald far below us, at the base of the Thousand Steps.  _ Dragon? _ Then a shadow flew past the Sun. A  _ dragon  _ was circling us. Its wings were massive and red. “Artillery!” came the voice of Lieutenant Taishi. The Imperial Guard poured off their formal patrols and into the defensive positions. The surface-to-air rocks were prepared. All we were waiting for was a single man to yell ‘Loose!’ and we’d blow that dragon out of the sky. 

Someone tossed Taishi a telescope and he spied the dragon as it circled. “It’s… it’s the Fire Lord!”  _ The Fire Lord?  _ “That’s unplanned.” I remarked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Fire Lord returns.
> 
> And his country's in a little bit of trouble.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Court-Despising Folks:  
> -The title is a reference to the rarity of finding a Yunjiwei (more on that later) in the Imperial Court.   
> -The introduction welcomes us back to the 'norm' of "I woke on the finest sheets".  
> -There is no song I know of that is perfect to set for the tune of a hair massage. "Uptown Girl" 's circledance version, 'Noble Girl', is probably not such a song.   
> -Mori's trip to Xishan (as would be expected) impacted his thinking going forward in a variety of ways. Some I won't explain, some I will. One such way is that he's far more interested in getting things done now. He's less likely to be seduced by the allure of procrastination.  
> -Ganlanshanlan in is actually a town. Mori's wrong.  
> -Gan lan = cabbage.  
> -Shan = mountain  
> -Lan (alone) = Blue  
> Blue Cabbage Mountain  
> -The months Mori names are real, they're based on the Chinese calendar. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_calendar#Month  
> -Mori's new weapons bear some (not all) references to the weapons of famous heroes from Three Kingdoms, the specific ones are up to you.  
> -Toph did plan Mori's birthday gift, going so far as to ensure all his weapons could double with ceremonial (but not too jeweled) scabbards and practical slicing blades.  
> -A yunjiwei is equivalent to a knight bachelor. He's been knighted. Few soldiers get to become yunjiwei as it takes an extreme test of skill. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_and_noble_ranks_of_the_Qing_dynasty#Non-imperial_nobility   
> -Junzi are Gentlemen in the Sinospheric sense. They're well-read and follow all the tenants of Confucianism. Of course, Avatar doesn't have Confucius, but it can have an analogue like that. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junzi .   
> -"all the political power I could muster during sigeng" is another way of saying "he did nothing". You can't muster political power at 2 in the morning, there's nobody to meet or bribe.  
> -Ju-Jun is named for a Three Kingdoms era official who was loyal to the Han Dynasty until the end.  
> -Zhu is the word for vermilion, the color.   
> -Jifu are court robes.  
> -The Putou is a type of court hat dated from the Tang Dynasty.  
> -None of these Ministers, save Lao Ge, have ever been to the lands of the Majia.


	77. Help, My Country’s On Fire!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fire Lord has come to visit...
> 
> ...and he needs some help.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Three:

“My  _ yunjiwei _ , shall you ever have the, I’ll call it well timed,  _ honor _ , of having a world leader crash down on your doorstep, do you know what you don’t do?” “Almost launch surface-to-air rocks at it, Your Majesty?” he asked, politely. “Very good. What gave you that idea?” and I gave him a smile. “Your shouting ‘Hold! Do not pummel him with rocks yet!’, Your Majesty?” I nodded and stroked my eighty two chin hairs. “Ah, yes, right, right, of course. Subtlety is for cowards, or so the greatest generals say.” and I toasted the air with my tea cup. The  _ yunjiwei  _ thought to correct me. “I think the saying is ‘subtlety is for headstrong men about to die’, Your Majesty.” and the  _ yunjiwei  _ raised his tea cup to join me in a toast to the longevity of Her Imperial Majesty’s reign. The usual, “To Her Imperial Majesty! To the Empire!” cry. The two of us just opted to  _ ignore  _ the dragon as it landed.

The dragon, Druk, was a mighty beast. Of all the world leader’s pets who double as mounts, Iroh’s token of piety from the first firebenders was always going to be the largest. And in the year,  _ year _ , since I’d last locked my good eye on the magnificent mount, the now, what,  _ eight _ , year old creature was even larger and more imposing than before. He looks to be about two hundred Consort’s feet long, about the same as wide.  _ That’s just… that’s. Lord Qiangyang is like fifty. The Imperial Siege Cannon is about a hundred and seventy, including the neverending barrel _ . I can only thank fortune and misfortune that the day Azula arrived, two years and a few days preceding, Druk was only half as powerful as he appeared now. The folktales say dragons can live for hundreds of years and never stop growing if they aren’t forced into caged pens.  _ He’s just going to get larger and larger _ . Speaking of how massive Druk had become, it’s a good thing, then, that the Fire Lord who came down on our Palace Grounds was not like his sister, and was much more open to diplomatic negotiations than she ever could be.  _ Trust me, I tried.  _

It’s  _ also  _ a good thing that someone yelled out “Do not, do  _ not _ , attack the dragon!”. In a mimicry of our first meeting as soon-to-be-Emperor and soon-to-be Fire Lord, if I wanted the Fire Lord dethroned right here and now, it’s as easy as giving a single command. But, of course, just as I didn’t want him dethroned then, I still didn’t want him dethroned now. But this is the Empire. 

Hurricanes have sent Memorials to Druk to tell him to calm down with the wing flaps. He refused. He blew the flags off most of the surrounding spears as he landed. His man-sized talons dug holes into the paving stone.  _ No,  _ we weren’t going to kill him for doing that. The great dragon looked up towards me, but was pulled away from his stare by the cordon of Imperial Guards. Imperial Guards who went against all their training to back  _ up _ . And back up. And back up. They pointed their spears at the dragon like their spears were going to threaten him. The dragon, noticing his master getting off, let out a soft croon and lowered his head to the ground to allow him and his lady off.

The man who grabbed his lady’s hand to help her off, he’s a friend. He’s very delicate with how he helps her off and makes sure she doesn’t snag her dress on Druk’s spine. This man… he’s a friend. Is it for opportunity? Is it for alliance reasons? Time will tell how the Empire may make best use of our contemporary between the Mo Ce and the Sunset Sea. The Imperial Tutor would probably tell me that the Fire Lord’s second, or third, or fourth born should be betrothed to our second, or third, or fourth born. Of course, I’d then tell him that neither the Fire Lord and his Fire Lady nor… well… the Empress and I, have any progeny. Knowing him, he’d then tell us to ‘get right to it, then!’. Is his reasoning sound? A union of Fire and Earth would solve most of the world’s problems overnight. The union would, quite literally, be the strongest union of all time. Both nations would be tied into an alliance that benefits the other. It’d also create a thousand new ones.  _ We’d have to learn to treat one another as equals, to name one _ . And, should either side’s actual heirs die of spending too much time in the world of politics… an earthbending Fire Lord or firebending Emperor or Empress would… cause…  _ issues _ .  _ That’s an understatement _ .

But none of that matters.  _ Back to the events… _ the Fire Lord raised his hands and offered a formal bow all the way up to me and my dinner table. I’d ask how he saw me, but my bright blue outfit and small army of distinct female guards is probably the reason. My  _ yunjiwei,  _ Zhu as he prefers to be named, was dazzled like an amazed child upon seeing, as he said, “The dragon here… not burning anyone alive… and it’s rider here… also not burning anyone alive.” 

The Fire Lord was summoned to the base of the staircase. I walked down the giant staircase to meet the Fire Lord, face to face. He and his Lady kept still until I got there. My Warriors gave me some space to greet him. Once I was there, I offered the Fire Lord a royalty-to-royalty bow. “The Earth Empire welcomes you to the residence of Her Imperial Majesty and I.” I made sure to stay above him on the Thousand Steps,  _ this is the Empire after all, visitors must remember that _ , but was completely honest otherwise. “The Fire Nation thanks Your Majesties for being permitted to land” the Fire Lord replied in his court voice. 

A mature voice hiding a hint of quiver. The Fire Lord’s trademark scar was partially hidden. As is tradition, his hair grew out. As is tradition, all his hair was pulled back into a topknot held together with the golden Fire Lord’s crown. As isn’t tradition, his outfit is less spiked than that of his father or grandfather. Instead of many spikes, he only wore one pair, a crimson-black piece that came to golden spiked tips. As isn’t tradition, he had a thin smile. 

Then, we went through the kind of formalities recently invented since Fire Lords and Earth Emperors used to not break bread with each other.  _ Well I’m the first Emperor but my predecessors _ , as sure as the Sun rises in the east, would never have broken bread with Fire Lords. I say, I’ll break bread with anyone I choose to. 

As the Empress was busy enjoying a good rest, accompanied by my wonderful companion, Nan, I was the one to greet,  _ yes I know, I already greeted them, but this is special,  _ the two Royals to the Imperial Palace. Since I was the host and theoretically of higher rank, it was their responsibility to greet me first. And so my counterpart and his…  _ married? Betrothed? _ ... gave me a formal bow, each. From the Fire Lord, “My gratitude to Your Majesties for helping forge a new era of peace.”  _ By Kyoshi, if that’s your greeting… you’re in for some interesting news _ . From the Fire Lady, “My wishes to Your Majesties for… fruitful prosperity in times of hidden conflict.” That sounded a bit more realistic. 

Based on those two greetings, I figured that one of the two was probably more idealistic than the other, and the other, being dour to start with, only seemed cheery at the chance to meet someone similar to her in status. That, and she’s trained to be formal, so she’s going to be good at being formal. From myself and the Badgermole Throne to the two of them, “May your reigns have less perilous world-spanning wars than your predecessors, and may your successors face even less strife than what we currently must contend with.” 

The Fire Lady held out her hand and I was offered a signet ring with which to kiss, and being dressed in my Imperial Springtime Robes and  _ very  _ eager to have a conversation  _ not  _ about how ‘filthy those Xishan savages’ are, I was content to kiss said ring. I took a momentary pause to think.  _ This has so many possible scandalous connotations _ . I didn’t care that much.  _ Pu-On Tim, go die.  _ So I knelt on the stairs, took her hand, and kissed her ring. “My Lady”, then I rose and offered her a bow. 

I  _ did  _ attend to the Governor of Shirahama for long enough to learn how to be all ‘proper’ in the Royal,  _ their royal not the Kingdom’s _ , Court. So I know their formalities. And I’ve spent too much of my own sanity pacing around  _ our  _ court, reading through manuscripts on formalities. As such, any excuse to use all the knowledge I’ve accrued is…  _ I can’t believe I’m saying this _ … looked forward to. 

So we’re only a single  _ fen  _ into this meeting and each of us has exchanged a bow to the others, I kissed the Fire Lady’s ring, and... _ there’s more _ . I kept on with the formalities, since  _ I’d like them to be over soon, yes _ , “May I say the Fire Lady looks quite stunning in her choice of attire.”  _ Look, dead mentor of mine, I finally pulled the compliment off. I know you can’t see this, because you’re off being a pile of ash, but if you could, you’d be happy _ . “Thank you, Your Majesty,” she actually smiled. “Zuko  _ insisted  _ I wear something ‘nice’ when flying over.”  _ Flying over? Did… what? Of course, of course you flew over. That’s why Druk has a saddle and the saddle has supplies on it _ . For his part, Zuko recreated the role of the embarrassed man  _ perfectly _ .  _ Trust me, I know _ . That mixture of embarrassment and nervous coughing is very hard to fake. From one man who just went traveling to find his Empress a blanket to another, I can imagine the battle to ‘wear something nice’ probably took a ridiculous amount of time.  _ I won’t judge. I did just go get a blanket for my Empress _ . Anyways…

“The two of you are welcome at my table” and I pointed up at the table that was more obvious that I intended for it to look. “Lead the way, Your Majesty” the Fire Lord countered formally. So I gestured to some nameless Imperial Guard to, in fact, lead the way. So he did. While the Fire Lord’s robes only fell  _ almost  _ to the ground, the Fire Lady had to pick up her fancy dark red and gold dress-robe combination and slowly walk up. I didn’t ask, but I could sense, from that really bored glare of hers, that  _ now _ , after however long she was wearing that outfit, she regretted wearing it. Thousands of steps tend to make people reconsider their clothing choices.  _ Oh, I would know, wearing a very manly manly dress that I’m awaring _ . 

Because I’m fun at parties, I cut the unspoken silence of a Fire Lady frivolously picking up her robes and climbing up the world’s most frustrating staircase. “It’s alright, there’s only another nine thousand and eighty steps to go.” For her part, the Fire Lady didn’t throw a dagger at me. “ _ Zuko, next time, I’ll just show up in beach clothes _ .”  _ But it’s early spring. Or was that a metaphor? Sorry, I’m betrothed to a woman who is either completely sarcastic or intends to do exactly as she said.  _ “I would advise against it,” I advised, and I gave her a convincing eyebrow maneuver, which did nothing. “Why?” she asked.  _ Why? Oh, you clearly don’t frequent the Lower Ring _ .

“We’ve got a playwright here who _will_ take you and turn you into a ‘describable in ten words’ character, then have that character do really un-you like things with the Fire Lord.” “Really?” she asked, surprisingly interested all of a sudden. “Yes, really” I sighed. “We could use one of those over in Caldera…” and she nodded her head along with her thoughts. “It’d be _nice_ -” she glared at Zuko for a pause, then turned back towards me, “-to have something to laugh at in between all the ‘Lord Oda please get me the statistics on the latest rebel movement’ and ‘General Mak, please reinstate a curfew’ and ‘Lord Date, how may we help reimburse your lands for the crops damaged in the last period of unrest.’ Tell me, Your Majesty. How out there is this playwright? Is he like Ty Lee?” _I… I don’t even believe you… I can’t believe you’d ask for a playwright like Pu-On Tim._

“No, he’s like Ty Lee on cactus juice without all the redeeming qualities.” She kept the Dai Li-esque stone line expression, save the eyes, which showed interest. “Speaking of, how’s she doing? Is she still a hugger or did Suki  _ train _ it out of her?” “My cousin doesn’t _ train _ those traits out of people. And I’d say Ty Lee is exactly as you remember her, except with a higher kill count.”  _ Does kicking some enemy mercenary in the chin count as a kill? Do traumatic permanent brain injuries count? She’s never killed anyone directly, but that’s like saying the Avatar never killed anyone directly. No, no, his giant koi Spirit just made the bad guys leave. Yup. Just leave.  _

Two of the most important people in the world, and also me, took to approaching the table I had just, preceding their arrival, dined at. Wait, that’s not correct,  _ that  _ table and those foodstuffs were picked up and carried over to the other side of the Thousand Steps and a  _ new  _ table was brought out from what I have to believe is the Imperial Table Storage Cabinet, accessible by some side-door into the Imperial Palace. That, or maybe, just maybe, someone saw my greeting of the Fire Lord and drew the correct conclusion that he and his Lady would like to sit down for dinner,  _ I mean breakfast _ , near where I was eating. One attendant came up to me while the Fire Lord pulled out a seat for his Lady and asked “Would Your Majesty like to hold the breakfast in the Imperial Tea Palace?” I pondered whether I cared more about formality, after all the Fire Lord  _ should  _ be given the proper privileges, but on the other hand I was getting tired of all this walking up stairs, walking down stairs, and bowing.  _ Formalities it is _ .

The Imperial Tea Palace is iconic. A large room designed to be as open as the murals of clouds on blue skies adorned on it’s walls. While tiny compared to the gigantic Imperial Palace, it’s large by anyone else’s standards. It’s about the size of a smaller  _ siheyuan _ . The wooden pavilion’s gold-tinted roof bears striking similarity to the Imperial Palace, while lacking the true gilded splendour of the real deal. The Tea Palace is located directly to the west of the Imperial Palace down a single smaller western staircase. I say small, it can’t compare to the massive Thousand Steps. It’s the same number of steps but a much thinner staircase. I would say that I led them, but I completely forgot the useless -to my daily routine, not to the Empire or her ceremonies- structure existed. I charged a nameless attendant with the task of leading while I “joined His and Her Royal Majesties in a graceful walk.” 

The Fire Lord said that “Zuko, Zuko is fine” while raising his hand assertively, as assertively as a man with a hint of a quiver  _ can  _ hold out his hand while offering a ‘smile’. It wasn’t as… smiling as the previous smile, but perhaps that’s because this wasn’t his formal smile, this was him being more informal. So I accepted his request for informality and responded “So, Zuko, how is the realm?” 

This made him look at me with a look of ‘that escalated quickly’,  _ yes, you gave me permission, I took it _ , and covered up whatever he was actually going to say with putting his hand around his Lady’s side. “Zuko’s going to tell you that everything is fine” the back-to-usually-depressed,  _ if memory serves me right, _ knife-throwing assassin, told me. She then groaned and removed his hand from around her. “I… my Lady’s quite funny sometimes, right?” the now suddenly nervous monarch asked. Nervously. I would’ve rolled my good eye if I wasn’t still feeling so formal. I represent the Empire. I need to maintain proper decorum.  _ Proper decorum? Deny the problem. _

“What brought you to Ba Sing Se, Your-” _no, wait, he wants to be treated informally_ “-Zuko?” “You know, the usual, I think the sights are nice. Druk likes visiting cooler climates, but not _too_ cold, if you know what I mean.” _Yeah, right. Dragons and cold don’t always go well, do they?_ “Right, you want to bring your mount to the city, specifically the Palace Grounds, he _burned down_ , because it’s more temperate?” The Fire Lady gave me this look, and while I can’t read her eyes like a different female world leader I know, I took her _look_ to be one of ‘Don’t push it’. She then turned towards the Fire Lord, who had taken to tucking his hands in his sleeves, and said “ _Zuko_.” I guess she’s got the right to push him and I don’t. I’d say the Fire Nation’s definition of ‘love’ is weird but it’d be a lie if the Empress didn’t push _me_ when I was nervously lying. Not that she loves me. No. Nope. No. No way. _No oogies here_. “As I said, everything’s _fine_. I’m here on vacation.” _As you said. Right_. He truly was the opposite of his sister. She could convince people that the sky was actually purple, and we’d believe her. And that was before she broke out the lightning bending fingers. Sure, for the Fire Nation, if the Fire Lord claims the sky is purple, it is. But… he just… doesn’t have that… _I don’t want to say it, I don’t want to say it_ , ‘aura’ of leadership. His Lady does. Or… her eyes do. 

The three of us, and Zhu, who remained silent and observant and polite and courtly during all this, entered the Imperial Tea Palace. A small shrine sat in a side-alcove with a statue of Kyoshi and a mural of famous warriors of years gone bye. The statue of Kyoshi and the warrior mural are two different kinds of ancestor veneration. All royals, even scions, claim descent from these ancient heroes and heroines,  _ usually Avatars _ , and as for Kyoshi, that’s for me. Granted, Toph’s never going to bow to her ancestors, and that’s her choice. I mention this since when we walked in, I gave a customary bow to my ancestor while offering a prayer to her. Zhu placed my scabbard on the wall and copied me. Zuko and Mai, being foreigners, didn’t understand why the two of us were walking over to the alcove. Then when they saw what we did, they copied us. Customs are customs, after all.

We sat down and were served “A special blend brewed for this specific part of the season of spring, to reflect a period of rebirth and strength.” Zhu rejected the offer, “I’ve had enough tea for one day”, instead desiring to stand vigilant like a proper  _ yunjiwei  _ would. After I toasted to the Empress “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!”, the three of us toasted to two different things. “Stability” from I, a somewhat ironic notion that I imagined the Fire Lord would not pick up on,  _ the Empire’s far from ‘stable’ and that’s why I’m toasting to it _ . And the Fire Lord -and Fire Lady- toasted to “An era of peace” which, again, sounded  _ really  _ weird coming from a  _ Fire  _ Lord. 

Two  _ fen  _ of silence seemed to bore the Fire Lady to the point that she went “Zuko! Tell him why you’re here!” in a tone of exclamation.  _ When she’s loud, she’s extra serious. This can’t be good _ . The awkward monarch could only hesitantly chuckle, like that would solve anything.  _ It wouldn’t _ . “Let me guess, is it a noble-backed uprising to oust you?” I threw that idea out there like a man with no depth perception trying to throw a kuai ball. His face turned to a scowl, and I felt the room heat up just a little bit. Just a little.  _ Oh… okay then. Maybe don’t provoke the Fire Lord _ . But I wasn’t the one who fought the man who was causing the room to warm up. No, that fell to the Fire Lady. 

“Zuko… doesn’t want to come to terms with what he’s dealt with for the past year.” and she rubbed the back of his head with her hand and kissed his cheek. This strange mixture worked well as a potion to cool the master firebender like water to a heated blade. A bit of steam came out his mouth, but he cooled off. “It’s true” the man admitted, placing his head in his hands. I wasn’t going to bother the depressed man with yet more piercing inquiries. Mai gave me a confident look that she’d take care of it. And she did, by means of rubbing his cheeks and giving him a little smile that he wasn’t looking at. 

“Everything you said… back at the dinner… it’s all true.” the Fire Lord mumbled into his hands before pulling his head out and looking me in my good eye. “It’s all true. The nobles  _ were  _ against me. They  _ were  _ plotting against me. And I was too stupid… stupid… stupid…” but he was calmed down by his Lady. 

“What happened?” I asked with a tone of comfort.  _ Opportunity has called. Let’s see where it goes. _ .. “The daimyos happened!” he lost control of his temper and brought his fist down on the table, hitting it with a fire blast.  _ The daimyos?  _ “The feudal lords didn’t like hearing that the Fire Nation was now at peaceful relations with  _ the Avatar _ .” The Fire Lady’s voice stressed the title, as if even mentioning it was a kind of diminutive. I couldn’t pretend that I knew what happened, but I also knew that if I admitted I had no idea what happened, I’d make an Imperial fool of myself. So I tried something else, being honest while not being completely truthful.  _ Hey, it can’t not work if I don’t try _ .

“Forgive me, I’ve been off in Xishan-” the two royals didn’t understand what that was, for reasonable reasons, “-the North. The far north. I only just returned the other day. What’s happened in the past season?”  _ That’s the truth and it covers me _ . Zuko took some deep breaths, placed his hands in his lap, and looked me in my good eye. My comforting real eye. He didn’t look at me in my glaring eyepatch. 

But Mai spoke first. “After the Avatar came and made an idiot of himself in front of the  _ entire  _ Royal Court by bowing incorrectly, the Daimyos of the Fire Isles convened against  _ my  _ Zuko.” Zuko gave a single small smile throughout this, and that was at the mention of his name. “Since they weren’t near Caldera, our intelligence services were...easily corrupted into… lying to us…” and she sighed, “...all the way until we found ships flying our own colors at the Great Gates, bombarding the capital.”  _ Right. I could take many things away from this, but I’ll go with ‘why wasn’t I informed of this by someone or anyone between Lan Shan and now?’. Probably the Censorate. Imperial Memorials deeming information like this to be unimportant. It’s only if the regime changes does it become important _ . “How did you stop them, Your Majesty?” I used the formal title because I know appealing to royalty’s senses is hard enough,  _ I know from personal experience appealing to myself _ , so why not address him in a more servant-esque respectful sense? It’s not like there was anyone around to write a scandalous report about this. That we knew of.

The Fire Lady didn’t even need to collect herself for this. She calmly explained that “Druk torched them in their steel hulls before they could get to the beach.” “Then we had the issue of our own Royal Quarters being overrun with a mob of men that wanted to ‘get rid of the…’” but Zuko didn’t say the last word, Mai did, “‘ _ coward _ ’”.  _ Coward. That’s a name that, from their perspective, would apply to you. In fact, it would apply to you in regards to our side as well. What did you accomplish in regards to winning the Hundred Year War? You backstabbed both sides and only won because we did the hard work for you.  _

I asked a neutral question to regain control of this conversation, “Why didn’t your advisors tell you of the oncoming rebels?” but I also knew the probable answer.  _ They were against you, that’s why _ . “Because most of them wanted me dead and conspired against me. The whole time.”  _ Most of them?  _ “And Uncle was off over here, doing Agni-knows-what, but not advising!” and he punched the air with both fists, punching fire blasts at the ceiling. “Your Majesty, may I suggest not employing a general as your top advisor?”  _ Okay that wasn’t the best of comments _ . “ _ Why _ ? Iroh is the  _ only  _ person who knows what I want.” Mai gave him a squint bordering on ‘look of death’, also known as Mai’s standard look. Zuko quickly apologized, “Okay, you also know what I want.” She didn’t break the look, but, again, as this is Mai, that means she probably accepted the apology.

“So the rebellion’s been put down, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t be here, you’d be there, quelling it, right?  _ Right? _ ” I didn’t intend the out-of-context sarcasm of it, I just tried to put ‘rebellion’ and ‘monarch’ together. Monarchs don’t flee rebellions, they fight them. Or… I should hope that a monarch who can  _ firebend _ would do the same. The Earth Empire has an excuse, our ruler practices Neutral Jing. Even then, I try my best to fight. “Yes.” he said, sounding far from victorious. “And much of the old guard was imprisoned or… torched… for assisting.” His voice panged with a lack of an ability to come to terms with it all. 

I’m his age, but since it seemed like he had few allies, I opted to step in to give some neutral advice. I wasn’t going to tell him how to fix his Nation, that’s his problem, I’ve got enough trouble plugging holes in my Empress’s, but I could tell him where he went wrong and how to alleviate some of it. “Don’t get yourself caught like a fish in a net over rebellions. You’ll never make all the people satisfied all the time. So you make most of them content all of the time, then you reward those and reform the system from there.” Zuko awkwardly rubbed his head, internalizing my harsh, if accurate,  _ remember, I do have the experience _ , words. 

“The Avatar… the Avatar went to the Fire Isles and held some kind of council with the local officials. Did he  _ tell  _ us what their problems were? No, why would he!” and the Fire Lord slammed the table again, producing a small rippling wave of fire that dissipated in a moment. I gave Zhu a look, Zhu gave me a ‘Your Majesty might want to back up’ look, and I got up, took my cushion, and placed it roughly ten feet away from the Fire Lord.  _ Just in case of accidental violent explosions of flame. Just… just in case. _

  
  


“Your Majesty, do you know of what became of my sister?” he looked quite longingly into my good eye. “The late Fire Lord?” He gave a nod. “My half-sister’s in the capital. She’s safe.”  _ Half-sister? You have a half-sister? Interesting _ .  _ Wait, he asked you a question _ . I shook my head, “I don’t know.” “I…” he didn’t expect me to say that I didn’t know. His good eye widened, then squinted. I’m the Emperor, I should know these things.  _ And I do _ . “I… had some questions for her.”  _ Interesting _ . Then he took a deep breath, as if to say ‘and I’ll never get answered.’  _ I can help you with that _ .

“What questions? The Imperial Archives likely have the answers.” The master firebender took multiple heavy breaths, trying to produce the words. I  _ saw  _ him attempt to open his mouth and say something, only to close it from nervousness. Yet again, Mai solidified her position as representative of  _ her  _ court and her Nation. “Zuko wants to know how his father made decisions and how his father solved dilemmas.”  _ How did Ozai solve dilemmas?  _ “If the manuscript exists,-” I put my hands on my legs, “-it’s probably in the Imperial Archives.” 

Zuko’s good eye flexed, “ _ Why  _ would it be?” Sure, the statement made no sense and his question was justified, but  _ you clearly haven’t been around here much, Zuko _ . “Because after we  _ captured _ -” I have to emphasise that, if nothing else to remind the Fire Lord whose side  _ won _ , “-Caldera, the Dai Li probably scoured the entire Palace of it’s documents and took them back to Ba Sing Se.” “Why would a force like the Dai Li do that?” the Fire Lord asked. His Lady shrugged her head,  _ she  _ probably remembers her meeting with the Head of the Dai Li. Her comment solidified this truth. “The Dai Li don’t just kill things, they  _ preserve _ , Zuko.”  _ That is correct _ .

I took this chance to add something. “It’s because the Dai Li preserve anything they touch that the Empire’s officials have kept the land running quite well without many rebellions. The Dai Li have a record of every people group, every custom, every tradition… they’re the protectors of the cultural heritage _._ ” I let out a half laugh, “ _It’s quite literally their job_!” Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and almost exhaled fire. “And _I_ have an intelligence service where the most competent men are bribable and the least competent are loyal!” Neither he nor Mai picked up on my partial lie. Of course they wouldn’t. They’re not from here. 

The Dai Li don’t know everything and they can’t see the entire Empire at once, but when they find something valuable,  _ like the ‘Personal Records of His Royal Majesty, Fire Lord Ozai, son of Fire Lord Azulon,’  _ then they’ll  _ definitely  _ be taking that. Yoink. And now it’s swiped. And now it’s been copied and passed around in the Imperial Archives. And by tomorrow’s dawnbreak, I could bet that every Minister worth his weight in gold,  _ and every high ranking Dai Li member,  _ will have read the entire book, all a couple hundred pages of it,  _ and  _ it’s side margin notes recorded at a later point to give added context to the knowledge. Will any of the Ministers be able to tell us at what time the Fire Lord took his dinner? Probably not. Will they be able to recall  _ exactly  _ what the late Fire Lord’s thought process was for dispatching troops to secure Omashu instead of just circumventing it? Of course they will. Will they be able to explain why Ozai took one side in a Court dilemma over the other? They will. The Ministers may not be the most competent, and they may be quite corrupt, but they’re good at absorbing information. 

Tyrants are perceived by all the folktales as being, in recent history terms, akin to Lord Dong-Ji of Xinyang. Or, as Toph dubbed him, “The Lord Dong”. They’re viewed as being large, impulsive, rash, throwing their men away at nothing, swinging their blades around to show off their power, and a lack of control over their ‘ruled’ lands. Are there figures such as that that exist? Yes, there are. Like Dong-Ji.  _ Daofei  _ Lords tend to be the least coordinated, least sane of all lords or rulers. But from what little I skimmed of Ozai’s personal remarks, the most tyrannical figures tend to also be some of the wisest. How else does a ruler maintain his grasp on a large country if he is not smart enough? Power? Power is never all. Be shrewd, manipulate your foes, and exert force, among other things. Don’t kill your fellow men for nothing, then nobody’s going to follow you around. For instance, Ozai rewarded his loyalists who doubled as qualified officers the right to be his High Generals. He maintained full control of the military, the military then controlled the society. The system wasn’t going to fail unless the Avatar stepped in and used powers, or, from the tyrant’s perspective, cheated. The system simply couldn’t fail since the Avatar was first gone, then a coward. The system didn’t take the Empress into account, for the best way to fight relentless power and bloodshed is superior power and, just as often, some bloodshed. The system didn’t take a bloodthirsty continent led by the greatest populist ever, a wrestler turned monarch. The system didn’t take seismic sense into account either, and that’s why Ozai lost his head in a one on one duel with a teenage girl.  _ Our system can take those things into account _ . 

The greatest rulers in history are tyrants. Afterall, do we remember the story of the Fire Avatar who saved the warring Earth peoples, or do we remember the story of General Senlin, a wise, ambitious master earthbender who  _ brought the continent to heel. Almost _ . That’s not to say they’re the most populistic, or they do the most for society, but they’re definitely the ones the history books remember. The guides to ruling that I’m instructed to read spend far more time on the  _ worst  _ rulers and why they were so bad. 

My favorites are the ones that give us the point of view of the tyrant. What’s the point of all these books if we don’t know  _ why  _ the ‘greatest villain of the age’ did what he did? Most of the time, they did it to try and improve the lives of them and their friends. Often, they were simply trying to unify the continent. Very rarely are they like Dong-Ji and do it purely for the gold and power. Fire Lord Ozai was simply trying to centralize the  _ world _ . He was trying to centralize it, and he might’ve even done it… had a teenage girl not popped out of the ground and decapitated him in two strikes.

“Zuko, what else can you tell me about the Fire Nation’s problems? I have the Dai Li at my side and I’ll be happy to retrieve relevant information to help you. Because…”  _ inhale, exhale, think this one out _ . “An age of peace can only result if everyone’s helping.” Zhu gave me a ‘that’s not something I thought I’d hear Your Majesty saying’ look, I gave him a ‘keep being a statue’ look. My  _ yunjiwei _ kept his silence. 

“The... _ most _ ” his voice regretted that word, probably because ‘most’ was not ‘all’, “of the daimyos took the attempted rebellion as a lesson. But… the Court… the officials kept telling me to ‘go back to the Old Ways’ while the Avatar’s… ‘supporters’... begged me to open up the Fire Nation to other cultures.”  _ Avatar’s supporters? What?  _ “What supporters?” I was intrigued.  _ The Avatar has supporters in Caldera? Can he not be bothered to ask the Fire Lord to do something, or did these people volunteer? I wouldn’t ignore the Fire Nation if I was the Avatar. Warring daimyos have been a problem for the Fire Nation since the first firebenders at the sunrise of time itself.  _ “The… the Avatar has supporters, most of them are these  _ peasants  _ who…” he paused to breathe, “...they come up to the walls of the Royal Palace and shout requests… with signs and everything.” 

When Zuko said the word ‘peasants’, I felt the room warm up just a smidge. This was the current ruler of the Fire Nation, some kind of best friend to the Avatar, and a young man still in his formative years, like I. Whatever happened,  _ well we know what happened now don’t we…  _ I could say a lot and think twice as much. The only and most important question is simple:  _ What is the Avatar’s game? What’s he playing at, sending peasants to do his bidding?  _ “Zuko, you treat these people like they’re infiltrators, spies. Are they?”  _ That’s not something the Avatar would do. Right? _

“At first they seemed like they represented ‘the lower classes’ and acted like they did. But they weren’t craftsmen or merchants, they were peasants. Low class landless peasants. What did they call themselves, Mai?” and he turned his head towards his better half. She turned towards me and put her hands together. “Acolytes.”  _ Acolytes _ .  _ Acolytes _ . “Zhu!” I called out in a louder-than-the-rest commanding voice. “Yes, Your Majesty?” the  _ yunjiwei  _ replied. “Can you get an inquiry answered? How many instances of Acolyte-on-Imperial violence have been there?”  _ Wait, no, that’s stupid. That’s too vague and it’s unhelpful to my point _ . “Can you…” I poked my hand at the door, “...get me the record of one attempted arrest of four  _ daofei  _ posing as Acolytes to hide from Imperial justice?” “I… I don’t know where to look for that, Your Majesty.” he said, having been caught off guard. “The Imperial Archives.” “No, I meant, I don’t know  _ where  _ to look for that, Your Majesty. Does Your Majesty have any names?” “I don’t know their names. They’re dead now and whoever’s sister they wronged was avenged.” I didn’t need the document, if it existed. No, it  _ did  _ exist, I’m sure of it. And I can’t blame Zhu for my spontaneous request.  _ None of this matters. _ What I said, as always, mattered more than whatever the truth was. In this case, my words were backed up by the kind of blood-boiling fury that almost anyone with siblings has likely had in defense of their family.

“So the Acolytes haven’t been a National-only problem” the Fire Lady said, her palms together and their fingertips pointing at I. “No, it hasn’t.” I affirmed. Zuko put his hand in his topknot, as if he’s going to just pull an answer out of there.  _ Maybe he will. _ “How has the Badgermole Throne reacted to their… if what Your Majesty is saying is true… violations of ethics?”  _ Oh no no no, we don’t talk about the Empire in the Empire. I don’t think you get it _ . “I live here, Fire Lord Zuko, I know how I react.  _ You’re  _ here to ask  _ us  _ for help. How did the Dragon Throne react to this movement?” Because Zuko knew I was asking the right question, he did come to us, not the other way around, he had to admit his response. Otherwise, he wouldn’t get our help.  _ Assuming I, a fellow world leader, would ever dare give you any sufficient advice beyond ‘go lose an eye to a frontal charge then watch an entire province of kinsmen die in the same stupid frontal charge’, and I was raised better than that. Or… I wasn’t, but I live in the Imperial Palace, I know better than to do what the Egg does and outright suggest for other world leaders to do things. I can help, but I can’t help much beyond that. It’s part of rulership. _

“I had the ringleaders… quietly… captured.”  _ Quietly captured?  _ He didn’t want to continue, something inside him made him dismayed,  _ no _ ,  _ regretful _ . I don’t know why the blood of Fire Lords regrets eliminating terrorist movements, but the blood of Kyoshi lives for fighting crime. “Did you execute them? I hope you executed them. Let the people know that supporting such an institution is punishable by death.” “I...  _ we did execute them, yes, we did _ .” the Fire Lord, the arbiter of right and wrong in his half of the Four Nations, sounded like a child who got in trouble for hitting his classmate and now he had to admit it. “Zuko, I may not be much older than you, but if you want your people to listen to you, you need to sound confident!” and I punched the air with my fist. “How does Your Majesty do it?” The man who had all the precedence to decide what was right was acting like a defeated farmer submitting to a kowtow.  _ You’ve got no self-esteem _ . “Do you want to know?  _ Do you want to? _ ” I stressed the last part because  _ the answer is that I’m not a coward and you are.  _ “How?” he asked, practically desperate.

“Do you consider yourself someone who supports the Avatar’s policies?” Mai gave me a squinting look, I couldn’t tell if she knew where I was going or not, but if she did, she held her tongue. “I...do” the Fire Lord replied. “Well there’s your problem.” and I waved over an attendant. “Tea.” The attendant brought over a tray of tea. “You’re one of the most important people of this generation, Zuko.” 

I poured myself a cup of tea. “You’re the Fire Lord. You may hate that your ancestors did what they did, but they only accomplished it because they  _ were  _ the fire.” I raised my cup of tea. “You claim descent from dragons? From the Dragonlords of old? I  _ know  _ I’m of the descent of an Avatar who enforced right and wrong.” I sipped my tea. “Dragons don’t ask others for advice. You _ are  _ a Fire Lord.” I drank up my tea.  _ He’s not going to listen to me winning his favor. Let’s try a different approach.  _ “Rice wine!” and the attendant brought over a pitcher of it. I diluted it with water. 

I poured myself a cup of rice wine. “I-” and I pointed at myself, “-don’t  _ listen  _ to some cowardly airbender as he prances about telling people how to make love.” I sipped the rice wine. “Do you think I  _ asked  _ to co-rule the Empire?” and I squinted. “Do you think I asked to rule the largest population, the largest military, the largest single sovereign landmass? I didn’t. I didn’t ask for it. But… it is my obligation now. I must enforce justice across the Empire. I didn’t ask for it, but I must do it nonetheless. Do  _ you  _ think that I’m going to waste the chance to enforce justice, or the chance to enact policies that benefit the people, or crush rebellions, because the Avatar, a man who contributed nothing to the Hundred Year War, who amounts to one man, his girlfriend and her brother, said that I should ‘be more peaceful’?” and I took the rest of the rice wine up and drank it up. I played a gambit. Would it work?

“No” the Fire Lord and his nearly-humiliated voice replied. _Yes. The gambit worked_. “Precisely, Your Majesty. If the Avatar has qualms with how the Empire is run, he can take it up with Her Imperial Majesty. If the Avatar wants to tell us that we’re not doing the best possible job we _can_ do, you know what he can do?” “Take it up with Her Imperial Majesty?” the man replied cautious of saying the wrong answer. “Yes. He could. He is supposed to. Do you think Her Imperial Majesty cares what Twinkletoes has to say about anything?” I took the diluted pitcher and poured myself some more rice wine. “Is Twinkletoes the Avatar?” he asked. _Did you need to ask that?_ “Yes, he is.” “If he is, then Her Imperial Majesty strikes me as someone who gets what she wants when she wants it.” _That’s exactly what you should think. Because that’s exactly what she is_. _Because she has no concept of subtlety._

I didn’t want to rant on about myself. This isn’t about giving him useful advice to help empower him as a leader. He’s got advisors and his wife for that. No, this is about opportunities and preventing the Avatar from gaining yet more unnecessary power.  _ And helping his mentor, the Lord of Gaoling, gain more power _ .“Zuko, do you think you’d stand up for yourself if the Avatar found out that you killed his followers?” “I…” his voice snapped. “The Fire Nation has pride” his Lady contributed her own words. “Answer the question. Would you stand up to the Avatar in regards to  _ your  _ people and what  _ you,  _ the rightful ruler of  _ your  _ land, by birthright, want?” “I… No.” he stiffened his voice and stiffened his back. “Because Aang is my friend.”  _ Fine. You want to play idealism? I can play realism.  _

“All those dead peasants, killed by roving Acolytes… Do you think their families have such high regard for the Avatar?” While Zuko sat there with the face of what was about to be an existential crisis, his emotionless, Dai Li-esque girlfriend spoke for him. “You said you didn’t know what was happening, but you must be lying.”  _ Oh, really?  _ “Why would I be lying?” I wondered, since… I wasn’t lying.  _ I’ve been in Xishan!  _ “Because the Acolytes took to raiding some of the minor Isles.”  _ Oh, really?  _ I had to cover my mouth to prevent showing them my laughter. Covering one’s mouth isn’t a good way of preventing laughter. Unlike the Avatar, though, me laughing at a comment isn’t dishonorable. Why? As I responded to Mai’s question of “What’s so funny?”, “I  _ knew  _ they’d do that. They’re rebels and thugs and peasants and unorganized.”  _ Orange-robed, though. That’s a defining characteristic I haven’t heard in a long time _ .  _ Orange robed men were part of the Water Tribe attacker’s force. Not that it has any relevance.  _ Or does it?

“Zuko, what are your opinions on the Water Tribes?” “What do you mean? They’re two separate entities.”  _ Fine. Let’s start with the easier one _ . “What’s your opinion of the  _ Northern  _ Water Tribe?” “They’re a bunch of isolationist chauvinists who should’ve learned the egalitarian ways of the Fire Nation long ago.”  _ Thanks Mai, but you’re not Zuko _ . “They’re stuck up there behind a large ice wall.”  _ Thanks Zuko, I know I can count on your royal upbringing to provide a detailed education _ . If that was the easier one, then how’s the harder one going to go?  _ Can’t hurt to try _ . 

“What is the opinion of the Dragon Throne-” note the distinction, I don’t care about Zuko’s personal vested interest in his friend’s girlfriend’s homeland, I care about his  _ people’s  _ vested interest in that land, “-on the  _ Southern  _ Water Tribe?” Zuko, being aware of his Court’s opinions and their opinions being more decisive than his,  _ which for the record seem about as offensive as a light gale _ , “Most of the Court, those that follow the Old Ways, claim it’s a backwater uncivilized tundra glacier.” “And what are your personal interests in it?” “I think the Fire Nation should repay the South for what it did in the Hundred Year War. If we can introduce some civilization, that’d be a bonus.”  _ Ah! So! So you agree!  _ “So you agree that the Southern Water Tribe is backwards?” “I… I think the  _ people  _ are good, take the Avatar’s companions… for instance... but the land is… untamed.” “So you think it could really do with some improvements, some  _ civilization _ ?” and I sipped my rice wine. “I… no I didn’t mean to imply that” and he raised his hands defensively.  _ What? You… you just said you supported it like ten miao ago _ . 

I didn’t let him think long about that. I moved on to a different question. “Zuko, how is your Court divided?” He downed the rest of his cup of tea. “Three ways, except one’s larger than the other two. Most of the not imprisoned court is…” he shook from... _ being scared?, really? _ , “...pro-’the Old Ways’. Then there’s the Reformists who want the daimyos to relinquish some of their power, then there’s the… what did you call them, Mai?” and he had to rely on his Lady to tell him a fundamental part of his  _ own court. By Agni, you’re bad _ . “The Daimyos in Disguise. Court officials who want to grab power from the chaos.”  _ So your court’s more scatterheaded than a man hit with a boulder. To the face.  _ “And how does this division go? What does each mean?” Zuko didn’t speak up, he was busy looking like he was about to suffer a rulership breakdown. “The Old Ways are people that want Zuko to act more like his grandfather or great-grandfather. The Reformists want to demilitarize the Fire Nation, and the Daimyos are made up of lesser nobles who have something to gain from all the recently vacant castles.”  _ So… not only is your court broken, it’s against you.  _

_ No wonder you’re practically right here, in the Imperial Tea Palace, surrounded by servants that aren’t yours drinking tea that isn’t yours protected by guards of the Dai Li and Imperial Guards, both that aren’t yours. No wonder you came here on your dragon. You probably fled a hundred attempts on your life, and you came here to unofficial asylum until you can reconsider what in the name of Agni is going on in your Court. And… you know… you’ll get your temporary asylum. The Fire Nation can’t play it’s tricks on us.  _

As much as I really didn't want to help the Fire Lord,  _ the Fire Nation deserves what it got for a hundred years of pillaging the rest of us _ , I also saw a new opportunity in His Royal Sadness. Beneath the scowl that usually faced me, and beneath the tantrums he’s throwing every other sentence, he’s running a nation that hates him.  _ No, that’s not a good word _ . Vilifies. And I can’t blame them. Sure, I’ll gladly kill them all for also coincidentally vilifying the Empress and the Empire, but I can’t blame them. If you’re some landed noble and your side happened to lose the unloseable war because a teenage girl barely old enough to even know what a moon cycle is just plunged an arrow through your Son of Agni, you, too, would be quite upset. Your immortal Son of Agni was going to duel the  _ Avatar  _ and prove the Fire Nation’s supremacy for the rest of time… then this random teenage girl pops out of the ground instead and kills your Son of Agni. And... if said girl, despite being blind and lacking all the strategic brilliance of an entire Council, led a military operation against your capital within a year while also mustering the greatest naval invasion in history, you too, would be upset. If this girl was able to inspire a country of millions to build war factories, then build new pieces of technology, then coronate an  _ aircraft carrier _ , then smash your invulnerable navy time  _ and time again _ , among other things, you too, would be upset. And worst of all, when this blind girl who has about as much interest in peace as she does with being a courtly noblewoman, then you too would be upset when she punches a giant artillery shell into your volcano house. If you’re a Daimyo and you find ships flying your  _ mon  _ sunk, you find your family members killed, mercilessly, you find that your  _ capital  _ was besieged and  _ sacked _ … you’d be upset at the massive loss of dishonor. So, in conclusion, yes, the Fire Nation should’ve been expected to do as they did.  _ You know who warned the Fire Lord?  _

“Fire Lord, I did warn you after your coronation that your Court’s full of people that want you dead, did I not?” Mai gave me that ‘don’t push it’ look again. Then she caressed her boyfriend’s neck and hair. This worked to make him stop looking at his hands. It didn’t stop him from raising his voice. “I know! And you were right!” and he slammed the table, spreading a wave of fire in most directions. A wave that quickly dissipated. “Here’s my advice:”  _ Note, not actually my advice.  _ “You’re the Fire Lord,  _ remind  _ the people that it is  _ you  _ who is Agni’s Chosen. The Fire Nationals respect power, as evidenced by the old Dragonlords.” “How does Your Majesty know of the Dragonlords?”  _ Not a good question _ . I pointed at my foot. Just, you know, a point. “I was taught the full history.” I tried not to remember  _ how  _ or  _ why  _ I was taught it, but I knew that I was. “By who?”  _ Not a good question _ . I pointed at my foot again. “ _ Someone who always got what they wanted _ . A prodigy in all studies their mind was committed to.” “My sister” the Fire Lord said, grimly. “ _ Precisely _ .” As precise as the marks I get to wake up to seeing with my good eye, in fact.

Zuko went wide-eyed at that. For his credit, there’s not that many people that faced that woman and survived. But since I don’t channel my past into angst sessions, he would never know. I raised my goblet. “A toast! To the two of us being reminded of our status by a member of the Fire Nation’s royalty!” Zuko was quite confused. Mai wasn’t. “Isn’t that offensive?” she asked,  _ oh Mai, you’re so protective of your boyfriend _ . “Maybe for him it is, Mai. Most of my former friends are now ashes in urns, if they even had that privilege. I think it’s appropriate to toast to that family. Besides, the two of us wouldn’t be where we are if Ozai and Azula were still in power.” It’s true. He banished Zuko, she installed Toph as monarch… then the monarchy didn’t collapse. Did Zuko budge and take the toast offer? No, because I guess I’m too heartless for him or something.  _ You should celebrate, you want world peace, well that’ll never happen _ . _ So… let’s settle for second best, having survived the Hundred Year War and the Line of Sozin directly _ . 

If the Fire Lord wasn’t going to budge to that, I had other strategies. I have learned how political alliances are secured, being both a token of one party and a student of the Imperial Archives. And… as this man isn’t required to follow the  _ Imperial  _ Court, I can bring up issues I brought up there. “Fire Lord, are you aware that the Northern Water Tribe is breaking law by attacking the Earth Empire’s lands?”  _ I mean… Xishan is and isn’t. But it is. I vowed to protect it.  _ “Really?” his good eye flashed a look of surprise. Genuine surprise. “That’s right,” I nodded. “They’re using the nighttime to stage raids. Raids where they harness the  _ full power of the darkness  _ to their ends.”  _ Granted, they use the Moon, but I saw what those monsters did. Semantics can go die _ . 

“Why…” he cautiously began. “...do you think they’ll come to the Fire Islands?”  _ Not the Fire Islands. They’re too well defended.  _ “Fire Lord, who controls the Western Air Temple’s archipelago?” “I… I don’t know. I’ve received reports of settlers from both the Empire and the Fire Nation habiting various islands.” “Do you want to control the Western Air Temple? By the map we drew up in the closing days of the Hundred Year War, that land goes to your navy.” He took another couple deep breaths.  _ He’s being cautious. That could be good or bad.  _

“If it goes to my navy, then why ask?” he asked the perfect question. “Because if the Northern Water Tribe is attacking land  _ on  _ the continent, knowing full well that they’re provoking the Badgermole Throne, then what do you think they’ll be doing out in the Western Air Temple Islands?” He took a very, long, deep, breath. I watched his eyelid open and close. This wasn’t the look of someone in control. This was the look of someone who had night terrors of waterbenders. Because… any reasonable monarch would. Night stalkers who prowl without needing any light. Impossible to see, impossible to track, invincible in snow and on open water… they’re the stuff of legends and they roam the lands where the Sun doesn’t shine. And everyone in the world faces darkness at one point or another.  _ The Fire Nation’s nights are quite consistent _ . “They’ll… they’ll attack and occupy them,” he said, tense.  _ Good.  _

_ Now, time for the purpose of all this _ . “ _ Your Majesty _ , would you like a military alliance to be signed?” and I paused to let him think. Not  _ that  _ much, since I yelled “Parchment! Ink! Here!” and some attendants showed up with something to write on and something to write with and a tiny desk to use it. “What would the military alliance call for?” he asked, sounding a bit more interested. “I believe Her Imperial Majesty is fine with parting with land that isn’t hers to begin with. You’ll get the Western Air Temple, we’ll-” and I pointed at my chest, “-handle explaining the matter to the Avatar. And if the Northern Water Tribe  _ is  _ attacking, which they are, your ships will be free to use our ports on military campaigns northwards.” A deal he couldn’t refuse.  _ No wait, I’ll do one better _ . “Since you don’t want your Court to kill you, I can see if some Dai Li would be willing to take the long journey over and sort things out over there.”  _ Find the bored ones. If they’re bored, they’ll be looking for even more corruption _ . “And what would I get out of this?” the worried man asked, less cautious than before. “Your reputation would ascend into the stars. Your people respect you for power. Take your dragon and go lay waste to the land that hurts our shipping  _ and  _ yours. Your navy’s still the mightiest. Send a couple ships up there come the endless summer and you’ll be unstoppable.”

Before Zuko could properly accept or reject this, I had finished the writing. The piece of parchment 'guaranteed that the Fire Nation is the rightful suzerain of the Western Air Temple, according to the laws put in place by the Victors of the Hundred Year War’ which coincidentally is entirely formed of Imperial officials. This parchment also included a guarantee to ‘open ports to ships flying Fire Navy colors’ and ‘a mutual defense pact between the Earth Empire and Fire Nation against any flags flying the Northern Water Tribe colors’. Why would he refuse? This piece of parchment will give him not everything, but a  _ lot  _ of what he might want. He knows what waterbenders can do, he doesn’t want to die to them, and nearly everyone except the Avatar hates them. The final note? ‘All members of this agreement support Kyoshi’s Ethics or it’s Fire Nation equivalent’. The Fire Lord stamped it with his ornate signet ring. And I? I gave it my signature as an Imperial Commander. 

With that, I offered the two of them bows and an offer. “You’re welcome to stay in our Guest Houses”, which the two accepted. “I’ll take it, Your Majesty” from Zuko and a nod from Mai. They offered bows to me, and Zuko claimed that “I feel much calmer now, thanks.” Then, the two Royals departed for their guest house.

And I? I sat back in my little Imperial Tea Palace, sipping a cup of tea. “Get me the Head of the Dai Li! I’ve got something juicy for him! The juiciest agreement in history!” and one of the ceiling Dai Li pairs departed to do just that. Zhu asked if he could sit with me and drink some tea, I accepted. 

“Your Majesty, did you just deceive the Fire Lord and Fire Lady?” I smirked. “No, I offered them advice.” “And… the Avatar, the ‘Acolytes’, is that all true?” I rolled my one good eye. “No, you think? The Avatar’s got a gaggle of weird followers most of whom are just in it for the glory.” The  _ yunjiwei  _ gave me a cautious once-over. “And the Fire Lord, is… does Your Majesty think he’ll accept the deal?” “What’s he going to do, reject it? I got his seal right here” and I waved the scroll bearing the crimson red mark of the Fire Lord. A seal that only one person carries. “If he wants to back out of this alliance, he can. The Empire doesn’t back out.” He looked at the scroll, then looked at me. “But, Your Majesty, wouldn’t this risk war with the Northern Water Tribe?” 

Forgive me, I broke into laughter. “We’re already at war with them! They’re attacking our vassal state! Now, my dear  _ yunjiwei _ , the difference is that the Fire Navy’s going to be the responsible ones when they sail up to the capital to kill them all, and get their hulls pierced, not us.” 

“Is Your Majesty sure of this strategy?” he asked with a worried tone. “No, but my betrothed loves waiting and listening. I waited, and the Fire Lord came crawling up to the Badgermole Throne.  _ That’s  _ a once in the lifetime opportunity, no?” He chose not to reply. I poured us some rice wine. And so we drank.

And so we drank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the Emperor tries to resolve the Fancun Rebellion.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for asylum-seeking Folks:  
> -The title's a play on how this conversation would go if the rulers were allowed to act like normal people  
> -This chapter takes place a few seconds after the last one.  
> -Mori references the very first scene of the very first chapter of 'Wacky', when, if Mori wanted to dethrone Zuko, he could've.  
> -Druk is very big. He's roughly the size of an airliner.  
> -Mori's mock of Lao Ge isn't wrong. Lao Ge would probably say that.  
> -Zuko's Fire Lord outfit is based on the one from The Promise and Smoke & Shadow.  
> -Mai spilled hints at what's going on in Caldera through her 'playwright' dialogue.  
> -Kissing signet rings is more of a European custom than Sinospheric, but I picked it for inspiration as it felt both foreign (hasn't been done yet) and yet fitting (it's a sign of fealty or a sign of mutual peership, pick one).  
> -Zuko's reference to 'the dinner' is from back in Chapter 2 of 'Wacky'.  
> -Yes, Druk burned some ships with dragonfire. Dragons can be deadly.  
> -"So you make most of them content all of the time" is just a line I've always wanted Mori to say. His experience has taught him that the Empire may never be fully stable, but it'll be mostly stable. Remember the whole 'Huizhou v Ba Sing Se' discussion on 'safety priorities'? That's this.  
> -Of course, Azula's in Lake Laogai. Mori's lying.  
> -And now we know why Mai wanted her intelligence service. She suspected that the Fire Nation would face unrest.  
> -Minor shoutout to General Senlin, from King Bumi Heir's Legacy of Rong Yan.  
> -This chapter reintroduces the political side of Mori. The cunning side that he never really shows off to anyone. Most of his writing, he's making fun of himself. Even in some places earlier in this chapter. But he's nobody's fool.  
> -There's a symbolism to tea versus rice wine in this chapter. Likewise, there's a sense of repetition (with new information), since a discussion like this happened back in Chapter 2.


	78. An Incompetent Review of Incompetent Officials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor goes searching for answers to the cause of the Fancun Rebellion.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Four:

“Again!” I didn’t need to look to know that if I gripped the parchment the wrong way, the ink would take flight.  _ Stomp _ . A shockwave vibrated us onlookers, including the ones that were busy playing with their companions. That shockwave was not intended for I, my stack of Imperial Memorials, Zhu, or the large badgermole playing a game of hide-and-go-smash with the larger-than-other wolf-dogs wolf-dog. No, that shockwave rippled up the large pillars and made the entire underground chasm vibrate. “Your Majesty  _ might  _ want to duck” the doubly perceptive man who wasn’t busy writing responses informed me. I followed his advice and ducked… right into Lord Qiangyang’s side. At least ducking meant I wouldn’t end up with the conical hat or tassel of one of the hundred odd falling Dai Li striking me right in my good eye. 

“When will it stop raining Dai Li?” I quietly asked the badgermole. The badgermole turned around at the speed of Imperial bureaucracy before pressing his snout into my face. I pointed at the ceiling, where all the raining Dai Li were coming from, the badgermole twisted his head and gave me this confused look.  _ Or maybe that’s always been your look _ . “You don’t see all of them, do you?” and the badgermole proceeded to raise his taloned forelimb and scratch his head. Not much, he had to be gentle. Then he put the forelimb back on the ground and shuffled slightly to let his whiskers rub against me. “Zhu, may I introduce Lord Qiangyang-” pardon me bursting into ticklish laughter, “-Her Imperial Majesty’s ‘bestest’ friend.” The anointed  _ yunjiwei  _ took a prolonged breath, gently placed the large  _ shuang-shao  _ scabbard on the floor, and kowtowed. “Your Majesty, why… why is he...? Does he understand us?” “He might not understand me and my chittering voice, but there’s one person I  _ know  _ he understands.” Zhu’s one word response of “ _ How _ ?” speaks volumes. It speaks so many volumes. 

“Your Majesty! I have a quick question!” I shouted over the pairs of straggling Dai Li and into the confusing mess of earthbending training that was the Empress dueling a dozen men at once. “One moment!” she yelled out from amidst all the people whining in pain. She did that two handed motion for pulling the earth around her into a rift, then hopped into the rift, the earth becoming solid after she vanished. Sure enough, one moment later, the Empress popped out in the form of a large earth pillar, sending one unfortunate Dai Li agent flying into the ceiling. She took a leisurely stroll towards us, backhanded heel-kicking one other pair of Dai Li into the next commandery before grabbing one pair’s idiotic attempt at using surveyor chain’s and  _ spinning around _ . Toph turned into a top, the two Dai Li agents turned into the little spinny bits on the ends of the top, before both went flying seperate directions. Finally, another pair that happened to try and approach her using the sky to their advantage were disappointed to land face-first on a platform of earth that she rose out of nothing. They all… usually… stuck the landing. If they didn’t… well earthbending training is known to break bones, and the Empress  _ is  _ training them. As she’d say, ‘we have healers for this very reason’. 

When she got to me, the other twenty pairs that were charging towards her stood in their places since the rule was ‘no harming the Emperor while he’s busy doing fancy stuffy noble things’, her words not mine, like, for example, holding onto a badgermole for dear life out of fear of being drop kicked by a random Dai Li. “What’s the question, Kyoshi? Is it another ‘How do you solve this dilemma,’ ‘cause if it is” and she clicked her tongue together. 

I held up a Memorial from the Minister Steward regarding summertime dress,  _ I meant manly manly robes _ , and whether I desired more yellow or more green. “Do you see this?” I knew the answer to this. Toph knew the answer to this. Lord Qiangyang inputted his answer to this: a growl. But since Zhu didn’t know, and since Toph takes delight in reminding others of her lack of eyesight, she waved her hand in front of her eyes before slamming the ground with the same palm. “One more round!” she yelled, and the Dai Li took to going on the offensive.

She fell onto all fours and kicked and slapped the ground around, sending them flying left and right. The ones who weren’t sent flying were sucked into the ground, not enough to kill them, just enough to ‘win’.  _ Slam _ , the ground shook, people who weren’t tied to the ground learned to regret it… and that was that. Pillars were sent at her, she headbutted them. Surveyors’ chains were thrown at her, she grabbed them and tossed the chain and man into the nearest commandery. Then she got up, spun around, yawned, and scratched her head just like Lord Qiangyang. “Round over!” she yelled. “Wait” the  _ yunjiwei  _ was putting the pieces together. “She and he… they… who copied who?” He forgot his formal titles, as one would from all this. “He copied Her Imperial Majesty.” Toph, uninterested in our discussion that she had no knowledge of, walked over to the now really happy badgermole and the two knocked heads together while she scratched the fur around his snout. I offered the Empress my thanks but she was busy getting her well-done-bun turned into a sopping mess of badgermole tongue.  _ Fine. I’ll have to do that hair later.  _

The Empress went back to her prior duties, I mean, dishing out punishment to insubordinates, Lord Qiangyang went back to trying not to get outflanked by the best good boy, Nan, I went back to trying to write the politest version of a ‘no’ that I could think of in one hundred words or more, and Zhu went back to trying to keep his courtly topknot on properly while also not trying to collapse from suddenly lightheadedness.  _ Oh, what a terrible illness. Coincidentally, it used to afflict me for gengs at a time back when I first met the Empress in Gaoling.  _ I wasn’t going to write until he looked conscious enough to continue doing nothing, so I put my writing instrument down and went to put a hand on his shoulder. I said “You’ll get used to it” while my other hand pointed at the Empress. 

The Empress had just raised both her hands and brought some kind of circle of earth around her. Inside that circle, she punched chunks of earth in three out of the four most popular directions, since the fourth one  _ could  _ hit me and my nonbending self.  _ How thoughtful of you, Your Majesty _ . Or… maybe because there were only attackers from three directions because she’d already defeated a sizable minority of the Dai Li.

For record’s sake, I told the Minister Steward in one hundred and three words that I was happy to have the Imperial Summertime Robes be made of more green than yellow since green goes better with my blue-tinted half of the Imperial Sigil. I went on to respond to the Minister of Ceremonies’ request for some ritual somewhere by saying that the Empress would probably not be able to come. I had to ensure it sounded nice and poetic because most of these Ministers don’t understand commoner talk. Then again, most commoners can’t write. A few papers by deputies that were approved for our,  _ ha, ‘our _ ,’ reading, regarding tax collection showcased a boom in wealth in the lands directly adjacent to the Colonies. So maybe they’ll be taxed a  _ bit  _ more than before. I only needed to respond to four different Memorials by the  Grand Excellency of Works to catch up to everything else. These Memorials covered large-scale plans for the expansion of monorail-to-train lines,  _ approved _ , the expansion of drydocks out near Yu Dao,  _ sure, why not _ , an increase in war factories in Yunlicun,  _ sounds good _ , and finally, reimbursements for the damage sustained during the last peasant uprising.  _ Speaking of the last peasant uprising…  _

Whereas the others were easy matters that the Empress didn’t need to know about,  _ she’d approve them without hesitation most likely,  _ I needed her to know about this. Granted, she’d probably be fine with reimbursements for Fancun, but  _ does she know what happened in Fancun? Does she know _ ? “Your Majesty!” I tried to out-shout the man,  _ no, men _ , who had been pummeled through and through, and begged to be freed from their punchiments. She didn’t hear me, these four Dai Li agents attacking her at the same time were taking up too much of her attention. As four Dai Li agents were encased from the feet to the hips in four different stone plates, I took things into my own hands and started walking over to the Empress. 

_Started_. I stopped because the battle hadn’t yet concluded. The last dozen or so agents still standing, _I guess once they’re knocked down thoroughly their round is over?_ , tried to use surveyor’s chains again. They grabbed the Empress by her wrists and legs. Her legs were pulled out from under her and she went back-first onto the stone floor. One _very_ loud “Ow! That hurt!”, possibly sarcastic, later, she tried to pull her wrists together. Didn’t work, the agents had her in four different limb locks. Normally, when someone’s on their back, being held down -and apart- that’s the moment that they go ‘yield!’. But… I’ve wrestled Toph before. _If there’s one thing you all need to know, it’s_ _that she’s not ‘normal’_ \- “You’re all _so_ dead” she yelled in a proud tone. _Well, Toph warned ‘em._ Her heels were touching the floor. 

She heel tapped the ground, breaking the chain lock on her left leg. That allowed her to grab the other leg’s chain _with her foot_ and pull it off. With her toes. She pulled the metal chain off _with her toes_. Oh, the look on the two Dai Li that had grabbed her legs’ faces. _I’ll see you two when I visit Gaolan one day, since you’re going flying_. Nobody removes the connection of Her Imperial Majesty’s feet from the ‘sweet sweet earth’. _Nobody_. Other Dai Li tried to throw more chains at her, but before they could she stood up and kicked two fissures at the wrist-grabbing Dai Li. Those two went flying, leaving it a one versus eight. 

She held out one hand, “I accept surrender from any and all of you. I promise, I’ll give nicer punchiments” and she yawned. The eight remaining men weren’t going to surrender. All eight launched rock gloves at her. Does she hear earth as it’s flying towards her? I don’t know. Does she feel when an earthbender is launching earth at her and make accurate predictions based on who the user is, Dai Li, and what the projectile is, a rock glove? Maybe. I wasn’t going to find out this day because she made two palm chop strikes and two sets of four pillars and… I need not describe what happens when a pillar  _ lightly  _ smashes into a man’s side. With the entire room of Dai Li, well the Dai Li in training, rolling around on the floor in pain, Toph kissed her fingers and dug them into her hair. I ran between these wounded or incapacited Dai Li and over to the Empress. “I see training went well” “It did. Maybe-” she stopped to kick one of these Dai Li men trying to get back up in the chest, “- _ next  _ time, they’ll learn not to break the rules they swore to follow.”  _ Do I want to know what they broke? Will it make me want to execute some of them? You know what, it doesn’t matter. I… I don’t even want to know. You had fun, didn’t you _ . Her little smile was a ‘yes’ to that answer.

“Your Majesty, can we have a moment?” and I gestured with my arms towards somewhere less populated. “A moment for heir-making? You’ve got to be quick, we’ve got trainees coming soon!” and she jogged off.  _ Heir-making.  _ Since everyone else was on the ground wincing in pain, it was easy to spot Zhu all the way over  _ there  _ tugging at his eyelids. He gave me this ‘did the Empress just say that?’ look. I nodded. He spoke up, very uncourtly, “Heir… heir making…” “I nodded along. “Your Majesty, I’m feeling a bit lightheaded, may I go… get something to drink?”  _ Sure, but where? We’re some distance underground _ . “Find something to drink, then drink it!” I commanded. He looked at me, looked towards the crystal-lit cave that Toph ran off to, then back at me. “T… thank you, Your Majesty.” He shuffled off… somewhere, I don’t know, and I ran after wherever Toph was.

“Has Your Majesty-” She kicked up a stone seat to sit down on, simultaneously interrupting me to tell me “I have a name”. The seat was because “I’m guessing this is going to be one of those boring long ‘Kyoshi rants about important matters’ speeches”. I exhaled sharply, she smirked and took that as a “I’m right.”  _ Okay, tree self, focus _ . “Have you heard about the peasant rebellion over in Fancun?” “Naw.” and she took her fifth finger and cleaned her teeth with the fingernail. “You haven’t heard about the peasant rebellion in Fancun.” She flicked some debris off. “You deaf Kyoshi? Wait, there’s a way to find out.” and she stood up, walked over to me, and whispered something inaudible that sounded like a mumble. “I didn’t hear that” I honestly remarked.  _ Bad idea.  _

“Boom!” she yelled loud enough to make me jump up from shock. After a bout of very loud laughter, she put a hand on my shoulder and said “Good. Good. You’re still good at ‘earing” and I went “What did you say at the end?”, only to turn around and spy her picking her teeth. She raised an eyebrow, “Oh? You didn’t ‘ear me?” and I twisted my head a little bit because I didn’t understand that I didn’t understand that I understood what I heard incorrectly.  _ Or something _ . “I heard you.” “Good.” She tapped the ground, made a new small stone pillar, sat down, rested her head against it, crossed her legs, and resumed teeth picking. 

“Why haven’t you heard about the rebellion?” I asked, unsure of what tone to pick because  _ it’s someone’s fault for not telling the Empress, unless the Empress heard it and didn’t react. No… that’s not in her personality.  _ “Really, I didn’t hear about it.” Her voice wasn’t sarcastic and sassy anymore, now it was just… Toph. I knelt so I could give the Empress the courtesy of looking her in the eyes. “What have you done since I left?” “I-” she flicked a piece of the past lunch’s turtle duck out of her teeth, “-went out to parts of the Lower Ring and the Agrarian Zone. You know, visiting my friends.”  _ Your friends?  _ “Do you know where-” She held an annoyed tone for a word, “ _ No _ .”  _ Okay then _ .  _ Don’t listen to what I was saying or not saying.  _ “Where did you go?” She shrugged, “I dunno.”  _ This is only going to get easier and easier. I can tell with my good eye and my missing one _ . “What did you do out there?” and I sat down on her first stone pillar. “I met with some people that love me! I also found that large stone that fell from the sky and, you know the rest.” Because she knew the rest, she could continue picking her teeth in peace and satisfaction. I felt neither peaceful nor satisfied.  _ This… this is just making me angrier. Someone’s going to lose their head for this _ . 

“Someone didn’t inform you that there was a large peasant uprising, many thousands were killed, tens of thousands lost their-” but she interrupted me with a hand on my shoulder. “Again!” I coughed to catch my breath. “There… there was a large peasant uprising, it is believed to have started in the Lower Ring and spread to Fancun, and tens of thousands lost their homes.”  _ There’s more to tell, right?  _ “We’re searching for-” but I was cut off. 

I didn’t, but should’ve, expected her voice to jump through the roof. “Why wasn’t I told of this!”  _ Okay, first, my ears, ow, that’s loud, ow, ow, now I have the word ‘this’ ringing through my ears. Second, ow, my, ow, the, ow ow it’s… I like your voice more than most people… ow.  _ “I don’t know, Your- Toph. I don’t know, Toph. I don’t know!” She crossed her arms and walked out of this small crystal lit side-cave and into the main hall, yelling that “Someone’s going to get  _ really  _ dead for that!”  _ That’s Toph ‘speak’ for ‘someone’s about to die’. Good. Great. _ “Where...do…” I ran after her.  _ You’re faster than I remember, or maybe I’m numb-er than I remember _ . 

The last time I killed someone in cold blood, I was tortured by a bunch of rogue Dai Li agents.  _ Xuan hunted them down, though _ . “Do you want to come to Court? We can talk to the-” Before she cut me off, I was going to say ‘you can just use your feet power to figure out who’s telling the truth’, but nope. “ _ No! _ No Court! Don’t waste your time with the Court!”  _ Do we need to have a cavern-spanning conversation?  _ She took a surveyor’s chain off the ground and began spinning it around in a Dai Li-less area. “Then where are you going to go?” I asked, bordering on furious at  _ someone _ . She kicked up a pillar and whacked it over with her chain. “The Grand Chancellor gave me accurate reports of events every day!”  _ But… you were travelling.  _ She pulled another pillar out of the ground and tossed the chain at it, grabbing it. 

Simultaneously, a block of Dai Li marched in. They were in lockstep… mostly… and led by a single officer. When he approached within twenty paces of her, he stopped and bowed. Then the rest of his men bowed at the same time. Were they all bowing correctly? Not really. Did they have the right intentions? Probably. Were they in for a very, very,  _ fun  _ lesson? Not fun for them, but I saw Toph’s grin from all the way over here. She had one thing left to resolve though. “Kyoshi! Get out! It’s training time!” and with that in mind, I knew I should  _ probably go _ . “But… what of the rebellion?” “We’ll talk later, Kyoshi! I need to take my energy out on these  _ trainees _ .”  _ Take your energy out… what?  _ “What energy?” She tapped the ground and made the piece of earth I was on move about a hundred feet over, with me on it. “Get out, Kyoshi!”.  _ I… what energy?  _ I looked at the ground, and her, and the ground again, and considered that it’s best to listen to her… and get out.

I rounded up my two allies, Zhu walked nowhere and settled on sitting next to the badgermole, as the room was being evacuated of the wounded and filled with fresh,  _ green _ , ready for a filling day of training  _ recruits _ . Nan especially woofed in disagreement when he was told to “Stop playing with Lord Qiangyang, we have other places to go.” He woofed ‘Can I stay,  _ please _ ?’ and included a whine and wide puppy wolf-dog eyes because he really,  _ really  _ wanted to play with his adopted brother.  _ Are they brothers? I… I forgot how you classified them, Toph.  _ Zhu gave no response. Nan kept whining until I physically gave up, raised my shoulders and lowered them. “Yes, Nan, you can  _ stay _ .” He ran at me, got on his hind legs, pressed his paws against my chest and licked my face. “Yes, just… come find me at some point. Please.” He stuck his snout into my underarm, as a wolf-dog trained for hunting  _ and companionship _ might do when he needs to chase a scent down. Did he know to do this? No. He just happened to fall that way, and judging by the Empress having gotten sufficiently sweaty from all her... absolute utter smashing of the Dai Li, I’d say it’s a good tactic.  _ Where was I?  _ Simultaneously and just after, Lord Qiangyang stomped over to me to give me a ‘goodbye, have a nice walk around, you chittering young tree’ lick. A  _ li-i-ck _ that covered me in badgermole tongue.

“Where are we going, Your Majesty?” Zhu asked while the two of us walked up this cave-corridor towards the Imperial Palace. “I could go to Court, Afternoon Court’s probably happening right now and I missed this morning’s so… it might be a good idea to catch up.” “But Her Imperial Majesty professed that going to Court was deemed a waste of time.” I had to sigh... from that comment.  _ I hate saying this...but  _ “With all absolute respect for my betrothed, she never goes to Court anyways. Such a statement is as helpful to me as… can you think of any examples?” He took a few  _ miao  _ to comprehend and think up an answer. “As likely as Fong is to use any tactical sense, Your Majesty?” and he had to adjust his hand placement to carry the large scabbard. “General Fong?” I asked for clarification. “Yeah. The Soldier’s General.” I gave a single laugh at that. “I’m glad to hear even amongst the  _ yunjiwei  _ and  _ junzi _ , General Fong is famous.”  _ Glad to hear. Fong’s a true Imperial genius, he is. Throw a couple ten thousand men at your problem, and your warhammer, and eventually win. Headstrong? Meet Caldera. _

By happenstance, and by happenstance I mean my one good eye meant I got lost, I ended up exiting this secret passage underground behind the eastern row of Imperial Guest Houses. Specifically, I threw open a door and found myself walking out of a wall and into someone’s well-tilled rock garden.  _ Only in the Empire do we hide our doors in plain sight because it’s illegal to use all of them anyways. Only in the Empire do we hide our doors in plain sight and decorate them so fancily. And also only in the Empire do our doors exit onto someone’s property. Well it’s our property, but someone once lived here and this rock garden now has two sets of shoe-prints in it because some of us aren’t obsessed with bare feet _ . By the time I registered what I was walking in, I had destroyed it. Special note, as we walked around this now destroyed rock garden, Zhu called out “Your Majesty, there’s some writing on that wall” and before I could say anything, he continued - _ you’ve got fast legs _ \- “Sokka, inventor of the airship slice… you may have heard of him, was here.”  _ Oh good. We stumbled upon…  _ “Wait a  _ miao _ . Their residence is on the  _ western  _ side.”  _ You know what, can I be bothered? Not really _ . “Zhu” “Yes, Your Majesty” “Make a mental note of this location. The Dai Li should get to removing such ‘signatures’, this isn’t the Prince’s personal house.” “I made the mental note when I saw it, Your Majesty.” and he rejoined my walk. “Very good.” Was I going to go read it? Could I be bothered?  _ I’m going with no _ . 

I had heard quiet discussion  _ somewhere  _ while I was walking through the backyard, but it was only when I walked around the large Guest House and over to the front side that I learned it’s source: A bunch of court officials gathered, as usual, out in the Imperial Palace Grounds. The  _ yunjiwei  _ stopped at my side, not daring to exit our shadowy cover. I whispered “Zhu, if you look real closely, someone’s actually getting something done” and he involuntarily chuckled. “I don’t see anyone getting anything done, Your Majesty.”  _ Yeah, neither do I _ . The court officials had to fit their well-fed selves between the two permanent statue lines of Imperial Guards running from the foot of the Thousand Steps over to the Southern Gate. An arduous task to be sure. Even harder because most of these frail old men had never taken to pursuing anything related to the military, of sustenance living, or walking around.  _ That’s what carriages are for, right? _

Anyways, “Zhu, I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I don’t know any of these people’s names.” “If Your Majesty is open to criticism?” the  _ yunjiwei  _ offered. “I’m the Emperor, my  _ yunjiwei _ , do you seriously think I accept other people’s opinions?” He gulped. “Yes, Your Majesty.” “Well that’s why you’re my weapon-bearer.” and I gave him a shoulder pat of affirmation. He smiled. “Do you know any of those old men’s names?” “I do not, Your Majesty.”  _ Ha.  _ “Neither does the rest of the Empire.” _ But I don’t. And I can’t just walk out there and go ‘Hey what’s your name’ because it’d make me, the Emperor, look bad. _ “I would think they’d take offense to that, Your Majesty.” “They can take offense to my giant  _ jian  _ if they’d so like.” “I don’t think they’d like that, Your Majesty.”  _ No, they most likely would not, like that, Zhu _ . “I need ideas,” I said, with haste. So Zhu came up with an idea. 

“Your Majesty, as part of my  _ junzi  _ training, I was tasked with reading ‘The Classics of Every Generation.’” “Yeah, and? Did some philosopher tell us how to handle a situation like this?” He took a breath. “I read one old Crown Prince’s records, and in said records, he advised for this exact situation.”  _ Oh really?  _ “Perchance, which Prince is this?” “The only one any of us remember, unofficially, Your Majesty.”  _ Right right, of course. That one. Mhm.  _ “So? Share the advice.” He leaned in to whisper what this book he memorized said. “Prince Chong wrote: ‘When I used to go to Court, I never knew any of the lower ranked Minister’s names. So I’d take my place, put my hands on my hips and proudly shout ‘Minister Lee!’ since there’s always at least one Minister Lee.’”  _ Prince Chong… I owe you this one if this succeeds _ . “Let’s see if four hundred year old advice can still carry weight”. So, I strolled out from behind cover.

“Minister Lee!” I yelled, hands-on-hips, my voice  _ thick  _ with the arrogance of born and raised royalty,  _ not like Your Upjumped Highness, Tree-man _ . Instantly, all these doddering old fools turned towards me because hearing the Emperor shout out of nowhere tends to do that to crowds. They fell into kowtows, assuming they  _ could  _ kowtow. Of special note, six men walked forward from the officials’ pack of… twenty? Twenty five? Thirty?  _ Why should I count? I’m the Emperor.  _ When those six men kowtowed, I needed to just…  _ confirm _ something. 

If this failed, I’d have blown my cover. But as this one distant kin, four hundred years past,  _ but it’s there _ , of my Empress may say, ‘It’s hard to fail if you’ve already failed, so try succeeding next time.’ Then he’d ingest a higher-than-average amount of alcoholic beverages and go… you know what, I never finished that record.  _ That’s something to do at some point _ . Also, he  _ is  _ Toph’s ancestor, through a marriage between one of Toph’s paternal ancestors to one of Chong’s… either nieces or granddaughters.  _ Coincidentally, part of her claim to the throne comes from multiple connections to the Hou-Ting dynasty.  _

I walked up to one of the men and ordered “Minister Lee, please rise.” The middle-aged man with his greying black hair stood up, “Yes, Your Majesty?” _Good_. _Great. You’re named Lee._ _I didn’t mess up_. “I have a question for you to answer.” _As opposed to a question that he doesn’t need to answer? Are you confusing a conversation with the Avatar with this random man?_ “I am Your Majesty’s servant. Anything Your Majesty asks-” I cut him off, “Okay great. Listen-” _dramatic pause so everyone can listen in and throw their copper pieces in when they want to_ , “-do you know what happened in Fancun?” 

“Of course, Your Majesty. There was an uprising of filthy Lower Ringers. They’re doing a great job of thinning out the slums themselves.” “Minister, what is your Ministry?” I didn’t let him get up from the kowtow. “I work for the Ministry of the Household, Your Majesty.”  _ Uh huh. I guess it’s time for more questions _ . “Do you know where the servants we get come from?” and I maintained my stiff pose. “The third born sons and daughters of Middle Ring merchants, Your Majesty.”  _ Is that even true?  _ Did I care to go ‘is that true?’ to the rest of the court-perfect-still mass of kowtowers? No. “Would you, Minister, claim that the Lower Ring is overpopulated?” “No, Your Majesty.” Zhu walked over to me and tried to keep his composure -from sensing all the irony- together. Because he’s  _ junzi _ , it’s easy to do. “Minister-” I held out my hand to gesture to the mass of gathered court members, “-not one  _ fen  _ ago you told me that the Lower Ring needs to be ‘thinned out’. How do you defend that?” “It was an error of speech, Your Majesty. I-” he bopped the ground once more. 

The rest of his friends also voiced pleads in his favor, you know, “Forgive Lee for the error, Your Majesty!” and “Minister Lee is extremely honorable, Your Majesty!” and “Minister Lee is filled with integrity, Your Majesty!”, and “Minister Lee showcases exemplary filial piety, Your Majesty!” and all that. He continued. “-meant to say that the Lower Ring  _ area  _ they rebelled from was a slum. The Lower Ring in general, thanks to Minister Yong-Fang, has boomed in population capacity.”  _ Okay, great. Good to know. Who in the name of me is Yong-Fang? Does he sell drinks or something?  _ When he was done groveling, I gestured for him to get up. And when he got up, I took a deep, calming, breath, so that I wouldn’t clench my fist. 

“If you don’t mind telling me,-” _inhale, exhale_ , “- _why_ can’t you recruit Lower Ringers for being servants?” “I’m just a Minister, I’m not Minister Jizi-Lee, Your Majesty.” _Thanks for being helpful. Really, thanks_. “Can _you_ -” I prodded his chest with a finger, “-tell Minister Jizi-Lee to start recruiting Lower Ringers?” “But...Your Majesty, they’re Lower Ringers!” _And I’m a peasant from a backwater island at the edge of the world, and look at where I am now._ _I… and so?_ “You’re telling me that you can’t have people from the Lower Ring learn how to be servants? Wash, dry and fold clothes?” “Your Majesty-” I didn’t tolerate his appeal. I cut him off. “You’re telling me that you can’t teach a Lower Ringer who knows how to set a table because he or she lives in a house,” I emphasized this next part, “ _and every house in the Empire has a tea set, mind you,_ ” back to normal voice, “to set a table. Because… why?” The Minister kept to his views. “The Lower Ringers are uneducated and filthy, they can’t be taught to serve Her Imperial Majesty!” 

_ You know, I’m not going to say anything to you, but that can’t stop me from mentally laughing. Because Her Imperial Majesty is both uneducated, she’s never read a single book in her whole life, nor can she do complicated mathematics, and she’s definitely not the cleanest of people, she rolls around in dirt for Kyoshi’s sake, and yet… she’s able to calculate the exact distance of an opponent for an earthbending move. On the fly. And she’s able to build entire monorail lines. And she’s a great monarch. So… your point stands on quicksand.  _

I had this… idea.  _ I wonder.  _ I needed to find out if my whiskey-lacking mind still functioned properly. I walked past this one Minister Lee,  _ remember what he looks like so I don’t make the mistake again _ , “Lee, stay still, the rest, you may rise” and over to the two lines of Imperial Guards. When I got to the Imperial Guards, the two nearest to me parted to let me pass. So I passed through and onto the main pathway. There, I slowly looked around in a circle while yelling “Imperial Guards!” in a motivating voice. The two perfect lines replied “Yes, Your Majesty!” all at once.  _ Very good _ . “Imperial Guards! Whoever among you that hails from the Lower Ring, draw your  _ dao  _ and punch the air!” At that command, every third man, roughly, drew their  _ dao  _ blades and punched the air. 

This Lee fellow’s jaw dropped. The other ministers were quick to back away from Lee and let him stand in a ten pace circle alone. Because I was feeling  _ especially  _ smug, I opted to step up to one of the  _ dao _ -wielders further down the line, heel-turn sideways to face him, and look him in his standard-issue helmet. I squinted to look at him and his facial hair, his pig-goatee was shaved, and in doing so I think I intimidated him because he took a very visible gulp. In a calm but commanding tone, I asked “Soldier, how did you join the Imperial Metalbending Guard?” “I I was noted for my earthbending skill while in the Imperial Army and invited to the tryouts, Your Majesty!”  _ Oh really?  _ I gave him a smirk he probably didn’t understand,  _ or rather he did because he listened to this whole exchange between Lee and I, he just knows how to keep his face together _ . “Would you say you worked hard, soldier?” “Yes, Your Majesty!” “How many people fail the first stage of tryouts?”  _ I already know the answer. Almost all of them. _ “In my class, nine hundred and ninety failed the first stage, Your Majesty!” I allowed myself to gesture to this man with an open, welcoming, palm, while my eye and the rest of my figure pointed towards this Lee. “ _ See _ ? He’s from the Lower Ring, and he’s standing here right now.” I caught his very thin smile from the corner of my good eye.  _ I’m proud of you, nameless Imperial Guard. I’m proud of you. Really.  _ I pulled a coin out of my jostling coin bag hanging on my waist and forced it into this nameless Guard’s hand. Before he could say anything, “One gold should cover tonight’s drinks with the boys, right?” “It will, Your Majesty,” he said, still stiffly put together. “Good.” and I walked away. 

I could take  _ all  _ the time I wanted to walk over to Lee. And he knew it. And he kowtowed and pleaded that he “...said the wrong thing, Your Majesty”. Unlike the last time, when the other ministers were happy to vouch for his ‘honesty’, ‘integrity’, and ‘filial piety’, along with a bunch of other words that have meaning to people in these parts, nobody stepped in to defend him. Zhu was mouthing ‘is it  _ jian  _ time? Your Majesty loves his  _ jian _ , so that’s why I’m wondering’ ‘Not yet’ I mouthed back to him. This minister  _ looked  _ like the mere isolation was about to kill him. I could’ve pulled out the large blade and tested it on someone, but in all reality, I had more important business matters to attend to. “Minister Lee, answer one question for me.” I wasn’t going to sit through half a  _ fen  _ of crying pleas, I just interrupted them. “Where’s Grand Chancellor Bohai?” 

“His Excellency is probably still in the Badgermole Throne Room, Your Majesty.” “Why?”, I asked. He mumbled something I couldn’t hear. I almost grabbed his chin to make him look me in my eyepatch, but I decided against it. “I… don’t know, Your Majesty!” he begged.  _ Okay.  _ Instead of giving him any courtesy,  _ he didn’t give Toph’s subjects much in the way of courtesy _ , I just left him pleading there and walked away. One wave-over and Zhu followed me. I gave a command of “Imperial Guards! Resume standard positions!” and marched in stride over to the Thousand Steps. 

Why Bohai? He was the Regent of the Badgermole Throne while the Empress was busy off… doing whatever she does. Why would Bohai still be in the Badgermole Throne Room? It’s possible that he’s preparing for Afternoon Court, or maybe having a meeting with other ministers. I don’t remember my precise laws, since the Imperial Palace hasn’t seen a proper Grand Chancellor in at least a generation, and the last regent just did whatever he wanted when he wanted it. I’ll just guess and say that he’s legally allowed to hold Court in the gigantic Throne Room, since everything north of the dais is technically Inner Court, and everything south of it is Outer Court, whenever he wants. That doesn’t mean this Bohai,  _ if he’s there _ , should be lounging around in the most sacred chamber in the entire Empire. While I neared, I had a request for the observant Dai Li: “Keep a watch on Lee and get me all his information” The walk felt like it took no time at all, probably because my legs were powered by a desire to get  _ some answers _ .

The massive doors swung open, the humbling Throne itself sat  _ all the way over there _ , and sure enough, just below it, where I last remember him sitting, Grand Chancellor Bohai was sitting in his special chair facing a small gaggle of about a dozen ministers on their cushions. Before one of those old men noticed me, I held out a hand and stopped the waiting herald from giving his announcement. “No heralding. Was the Imperial Court ever dismissed?” The young man’s high pitched voice was far less… powerful. “It wasn’t...Your Majesty” and he offered a kowtow. With the deliberately heavy crash of my large feet on the tiled floor, I grabbed the attention of that platoon of ministers.

“Your Majesty!” the head of the flock stood, got off his chair, and set the precedence for others to follow. He found a specific spot where his head bop produced a loud echo. The rest of his cushiony friends kowtowed as a mass, together. “We’re granted an esteem privilege to have Your Majesty’s audience” the Grand Chancellor said. I saw right through his coddling tone. And I only have one eye. The other ministers quietly murmured agreements, since I guess speaking over the Grand Chancellor wasn’t appropriate. 

“ _ Bohai _ . What do you know of the peasant rebellion in Fancun?” He stuffed his hands into his sleeves. “Your Majesty, I was only informed of the total size and scope of the event when Your Majesty’s personal retinue returned from the front.” The other ministers nodded their heads.  _ Okay. You know what? You know what?  _ I took more steps forward towards them.  _ Enough of this _ . “I’d  _ like  _ a private audience with Bohai.” The Grand Chancellor made this ‘duck-goose trying to take off’ motion with his hands, his friends stood up, walked down the main pathway, kowtowed to me and gave me all their well-wishes, “Ten Thousand Years!” and all that, normal formal behavior that doubles as a way of making themselves seem more relevant, and departed. 

Bohai went back to his seat and sat down on it.“What may I assist Your Majesty with?”  _ So, it’s formal tone time _ . “I came in regards to news about the rebellion.” “Has there been another? Did Your Majesty not heroically crush the last pocket of resistance?”  _ Don’t you start playing word games with me, old man _ .  _ I’ll cut your head off in a single jian stroke _ . “I have come in regards to news about the  _ cause  _ of the rebellion.” I stressed the ‘cause’. “The rebellion was caused by a bunch of fanatics seeing a meteor crash into the Agrarian Zone and believed it was the end times, Your Majesty.”  _ A meteor that crashed into the other side of Ba Sing Se, not Fancun. Not Fang Yu. _

__ “Who were these fanatics? For a bunch of end times worshippers, they seemed quite armed and armored.” “Investigations are still being done on the matter,” he said, as if that’d close the case immediately. “You have some control over the Empire’s secret police. You’re telling me you couldn’t torture a confession out of  _ anyone _ ? What have you learned?” He held steadfast against my remark. “I have learned that the Lower Ring’s peasants are prone to intense violent reactions upon seeing portends from the skies.”  _ You didn’t learn that. We all know that. We’ve all learned that from even the most basic experience in dealing with peasants _ . 

And yet, I figured I’d entertain his idea. There’s a chance he’s telling the truth.  _ Slim, but all options are on the table when it comes to looking for answers like this _ . “If this was ‘end times’ based, what end times do they believe in?” “The usual ‘the world’s going to erupt into volcanos’ type stuff, Your Majesty.”  _ That exists? Where? Not in the capital of the Earth Empire, I’ll tell you that right now _ . “Anything else?” I said it like I knew that he was lying. 

“Some believed that a night that never ends would come, and with it, nightmarish terrors from the far north and far south with watery tendrils for arms, and that they’d kill all in their path.”  _ Really?  _ “Who?” “A few Makapuans.”  _ A few.  _ The memories of the waterbenders in Xishan… stalking in the neverending night… it made me pause for a whole  _ fen _ . Just stand there and go into a freeze.  _ The chill of the air. Snow on the ground. A full Moon. The night that never ends. The night that never ends. A waterbender’s perfect hunting ground _ . Zhu’s “Your Majesty! Have a drink!” woke me from my daze. He offered me a goblet, I sniffed it,  _ water _ , and gulped it down.  _ Water. Those waterbenders… water…  _ I looked at the gigantic Badgermole Throne, looming just next to us, then at this  _ Bohai _ . My mind raced around from Bohai to rebellion and rebellion to Bohai.  _ Right. The rebels. _

I didn’t even remember what he said. It’s good I didn’t. “If your words are to be believed, these peasants were untrained and foolhardy?” “Yes, Your Majesty. What we’ve learned has told us that they were powered by fanaticism and the urge to loot and pillage.” _Really now? People have the urge to loot and pillage? No way._ I looked around to see if my Kyoshi Warrior bodyguards were present. They weren’t. _Right, Suki’s training them._ _Well it’s my word against yours then_. I took a few steps forward.

“If that’s the case, why did I encounter well-trained army deserters in their forces?” “Perhaps, Your Majesty, a sizable force of the Imperial Army is of ill quality, pretty much a bunch of looters with legal precedence to loot. Remove the rules and nothing stops them from enacting their urges on the common folk.”  _ And what would you replace them with? The Dai Li?  _ The thing was, he wasn’t exactly wrong. They  _ are,  _ in most cases, that.  _ He wasn’t completely right, either _ . “So you think all those soldiers voluntarily joined?” “That’s what it seems like, Your Majesty.”  _ Uh huh. _

This is where he’s wrong. If mere _individuals_ joined, they wouldn’t have been as competent as they were. “Then why, at the Battle of the Plains of Laiyuan and at the Siege of Fancun, our Coalition to Defeat Rebels encountered full units of ex-Imperial Army soldiers, practicing team tactics and routing our side?” “Your Majesty, Imperial Army training is quite basic. Strategically, it wouldn’t take much to place a few coordinated, better-than-average troops, at chokepoints, no? Like, for instance, along the main northern highway into Fancun.” _You’re not wrong, Bohai_.“For a man who claims to know little of the rebellion, you seem to have studied the Siege of Fancun quite well.” That made his expression shift to one of surprise, only to be covered up with, “I’m surprised at Your Majesty’s lack of trust in Your Majesty’s humble servant.” _You know exactly why I’m the way I am._

“Let’s not argue trust. Why did this rebellion start, and who’s supplying the rebels with entire trained bands of fighting men? Why were they competent enough to use tanks?” The Grand Chancellor prepared for this with a response. “As our investigations have shown, it’s more and more probable that the Imperial Army garrison of Fancun harbored a-” he needed to pause for the sake of catching his breath, “-lack of discipline. As such, it should be no surprise that men trained to operate tanks would turn those tanks against the Empire if given the opportunity.”  _ Really then. Really? So the problem is one of discipline?  _

“And what is your solution to this matter?” “Execute the officials responsible, Your Majesty. The Prefect of Fancun is the one at fault for not informing us of this matter when it began. He also didn’t properly muster his forces, and the few letters we do possess of him showcase his rude behavior towards other officials in the city.” I channeled advice I had been given by a member of royalty once: Always, always, be calculated and focused, even when being deceived. She was the best teacher in exactly these matters. As he lectured me on the imaginary failures of some Prefect, I took a few steps forward with every other statement. 

“The letters I received showed that a rebellion had begun in Fang Yu.” “That’s what we believe, too, Your Majesty.” “Allow us-” and by this point, my walking towards him had meant I was now only about fifty feet from him, “-to draw a conclusion. So a couple spiritual fanatics believed the Four Nations were going to become a volcano and staged a rebellion to… do something? Then, these fanatics somehow attracted a large portion of the Imperial Army of Fancun into looting. Between all the  _ daofei  _ and Royal Army deserters I fought, no force ever had the average skill level that this rebellion had. So by the end of the rebellion, a majority of the rebels were well-paid, well-housed Imperial Army soldiers including tank specialists and artillerists, many of whom likely had families, and yet…  _ they  _ chose to rebel because the spirits are in upheaval?” 

“May I give Your Majesty some council?”  _ Oh, go right ahead _ . “By all means-” I offered him a small head bow, “- _ Grand Chancellor. _ ” He nodded. “Most rebellions are never pinpointed until long after the rebels are dead. We only know that the cause of this was spiritual fanaticism, and that the Imperial Army garrison in Fancun needs heavy audits for this treachery. Your Majesty sounds quite stressed, such showcases a dedication to justice, but I would suggest relaxing.”  _ Fine _ . He wasn’t going to budge beyond his rehearsed script. 

_ One last thing _ . I took a few more steps forward. I was twenty feet away. “With Her Imperial Majesty’s return, you should abdicate the position of Grand Chancellor.” Bohai nodded. “I have made Her Imperial Majesty’s life much simpler. Instead of haranguing Her Imperial Majesty with news she deems unimportant, she may recline and see to the population. Besides, by historical accounts, monarchs had regents until they chose to attend Court on a daily basis.” I walked right up to him. This made him fall back in his seat and look  _ quite  _ scared. “Her Imperial Majesty is  _ not  _ a child. By all the laws outside of your mind, she’s of age. And let me give you some advice.” I gave him a nice  _ lean in _ . “Lying to the Emperor is punishable by death.” and I backed out of the lean, turned around, and walked away. 

When he mentioned ‘historical’, I instantly thought of someone else. Someone who is far more qualified to know the historical laws, and someone who tends to be so omniscient that he can inform me of matters on opposite ends of the continent at a simultaneous time. I was going to go to my Imperial Study and write up some scrolls, then go inquire about his presence and track him down. The two of us rounded the corner, I walked over to the doorway,  _ no guards _ ,  _ fine, it’s just the Study, the private part of the Palace is scoured with guards anyways _ , opened the door, and walked in. As I placed the scrolls I had carried all the way from the Catacombs down, Zhu shrieked. 

I spun around and spotted him pale-faced, pointing at a shadowy part of the room. In the shadowy part of the room? A pair of ghastly eyes honed in on me. Then the figure emerged. He was clad in the courtly robes I remember him being in from before. He still wore the short cloak of an Imperial Army soldier. His skin was death-white and his hands appeared frail and ragged. He fell into a silent kowtow, rose from said kowtow, and walked over to me. Because my only reaction was a smile, Zhu did nothing but look confused. His approach was similarly silent. I saw his feet strike the stone, but no noise was made. Instead, he bared a toothy grin. 

“So, my young pupil has returned for a lesson?” and he offered a royalty-to-royalty bow, not even the modern one that Zuko knows, one from hundreds of years ago, I reciprocated it with the modern royal bow. “Yes, Imperial Tutor.” All he had to do was turn his head to the right to scare the day out of the weapon-bearer. “The Emperor and I are going to go for a walk. Carrying a  _ shuang-shao jian  _ that far didn’t work for the Third Earth King, and it won’t work for you. If only he knew what a weapon-bearer was.” So I had Zhu stay behind with a command, “Zhu, stay here.” “Y… Yes Your Majesty” and he staggered before sitting down. 

The two of us exited through the northern door and into the very private part of the Imperial Palace Grounds. It’s only for the use by us Imperials and our kin. Anyone I’m walking with has an exception.  _ The Immortal would make his own exception if he needed to _ . “So, my pupil, ask me about any of these buildings.” “Imperial Tutor, I’m here to talk about more...important matters.” “Nonsense!” he said, pointing at the sky with his bony finger.

“History is the most important subject. Always was. Always will be. Your heirs will thank you. Past Kings were nonthewiser when their progeny staged rebellions their own ancestors staged. Know that for the thousand buildings in the Imperial Palace Grounds, many sit dormant, waiting for large lines of kin to populate with.” And he took to ruffling my queue and, in a half-joking tone, “So, where’s the large line of kin?” 

I groaned. “Imperial Tutor, is that the best thing to discuss?” “Considering the Fire Lord and Fire Lady are probably going to have an heir within the next five years, and that heir’s going to be  _ your  _ heir’s rival in forty, yes, it is. Life’s not fair, just look at me! One of the last of a line of bastards!” and he pointed at himself and laughed.  _ Line of bastards. Right.  _ “What does this have to do with the future?” I asked, confused. “You have no idea. Tomorrow, you could find a man trying to stab you. In a season from now, you could be defeated in a battle and be imprisoned!” and he laughed. I tried to smile, but it felt creepy to… laugh at this. “It’s okay, you can laugh, it’s funny!” and he tapped my back. 

He changed from a lighthearted tone to a much grimer one. And… well… to say his grim voice doesn’t worry me would be a lie.  _ It terrifies me _ . “Pupil, the tides of the era slowly change. Every single nation is currently going through a period of unrest.” and he began pointing at directions. “The Empire… well there’s  _ daofei  _ in the south, there’s conflicts between settlers in frontier lands, the new wave’s allegiance is to the Beifong Throne, the old settler’s that have been around since time began swear fealty to the Hou-Tings. The Fire Nation… well Your Majesty saw the derelict state it’s high monarch is in, right? A Fire Lord with a dragon and all the correct blood pairings, and he’s a coward. The old Shogun’s support has resurged in the lands where the Fire Lord doesn’t have the right intelligence services. In the land of that one Air Nomad, his flirting game has stepped up, and the woman of his dreams will only seal his union into the last, and final, and  _ most important, dear pupil _ , one. The Water Tribes.”  _ Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah this is all a bit much _ . “Stop!” I yelled. And he stopped  _ in  _ the stride, falling into a split. 

He popped up from the split like the acrobatic feat was as easy as putting one foot in front of the other.“Yes? Too much information to fit in that auburn head of yours, pupil?” _I… yes? Yes, it is_. “I… Imperial Tutor, where do we start with all this… information?” He laughed. He laughed and we kept walking.

“The Water Tribes, Your Majesty!” He said it like he was drunk. But he wasn’t. “The Empire’s simple, we live here. The Fire Nation’s a disaster, but I know people there. So does Commander Daiyu. The Air Nomads are quite trackable. But the Water Tribes...those Sons of the North Star...they’re not a good bunch.”  _ I… wait. Wait.  _ “Were you following us in Xishan?” “Pupil, when I swore to follow you, that was not for your entire journey. I  _ did  _ see your performance at Fancun. Brilliant show of archery skills by Song, and you’re getting up there!” I didn’t know whether to feel complimented, offended, or really, really, worried by all this. 

Instead of thinking further, I noted his army clothes and drew a conclusion. “Is that why you’re wearing a cloak from the Imperial Army?” “It’s hard to sound powerful unless you’re wearing the right clothes, would you agree? How else do I get close enough to play a part?” “In quelling the rebellion?” He nodded. “What did you do?” “I did some talking, some people listened, and sure enough, the traitors died!” and he laughed through a bout of hacking coughter.  _ I guess saying ‘yes’ costs too much of his energy. _ I didn’t bother continuing that.  _ Thanks for helping with the rebellion.  _

He changed the topic, slightly. “Assuming you don’t get yourself killed for being too much like your ancestor, you’ll be one of the better archers of this generation. Whoops. I shouldn’t set your expectations so high. It’s more likely you’ll just have everyone better than you killed!” and he broke into hysterical laughter. “Monarchs, right?” and he rubbed his teary -of joy- eyes and slapped his knee. _I…_ “Yeah. Right. _Monarchs_.” and I… just watched him laugh himself over and over. I couldn’t laugh at this. _I want those answers._ When the two of us, just him, felt done laughing at that - _not as funny as he thinks it is-_ joke, we went on with the conversation. 

“So the Water Tribes… they’re the biggest threat? Why?” “Does my pupil want the news that hits closer to home, or the news that affects his Empire first?”  _ That’s… a really annoying way to put it _ . “Why phrase it like that?” My tone of annoyance made him  _ stop _ ,  _ turn  _ towards me, and squint his eyes  _ just a little bit _ . “Where do your loyalties lie?” “To my Empire.” He turned and kept walking. “Ha! And my loyalties lied with my mother!”  _ I don’t understand. Am I supposed to? Did you kill her? Am I supposed to know who she is?  _ “I’m serious,” I said, sounding a bit fussy. “Your loyalties don’t lie with the Empire. That’s why you’re here right now, not attending Afternoon Court.” “ _ My loyalties lie with my Empress _ ” I professed the truth in a hush, well, the true truth, since at the end of the day that’s where the more emotional parts of me lie. 

“No,  _ some  _ of you may lie with your Empress, but apparently not enough, or you’d be a pillow right now.”  _ I…  _ I can’t accuse the Immortal of anything, he’d just impale me and the entire Palace on a bunch of earth spikes. And he might not be wrong. Except…  _ he is _ . “Then, Imperial Tutor, where do my loyalties lie?” “With your homeland, pupil. Kyoshi Island.” I knew I was an idiot when I said it, but I said it anyway, “You don’t know that.” 

He chuckled. “Where were you going to take your new bride to back in Gaoling? Where were you going to run away with her? The two of you laid on the grass one day and spoke of how dreamy the island will be, did you not? And you were holding hands, were you not?” I took a few deep breaths.  _ That was so long ago. Or… it wasn’t, but it felt like it was so long ago _ . “ _ Yes _ .” He gave me a thin smile.

“What do you plan on converting this country that’s mostly ash and conspiring administrators to? Is it the Way of Agni, the Fire God? Is it the ancestor veneration of your bride? Is it nothing?  _ No _ , my pupil. You want everyone to follow the Ethics of Kyoshi. Now… it just so happens to be that I too want that! That’s why the Dai Li are many things, but violators are not one of them. Well… legally. When bones start breaking so do laws.” He smiled like the twisted ancient shadow assassin that he is. “Now, tell me, where do you want news from, first?” I sighed.  _ I don’t like being forced to choose like this _ .  _ I don’t like to, but I also know that you want me to ask in a specific order.  _

“My homeland.” “Very good, pupil!” he then popped the air out of some of his finger joints. “Chief Hakoda of the Umiak Chiefs seeks to unify the Southern Water Tribe. I’m sure you’re familiar with him by now.” “Of course, he led the Water Tribe Expeditionary Force to the Palace two years ago.” “The force that one seal-jerky hoarding woman let burn. Sure, sure, history shows that you were right to be realistic, even if by accident, but from Hakoda’s perspective, you’re all traitors to his alliance.” I wasn’t going to rudely interrupt him.  _ Don’t. Let him speak. Let the master lecture.  _

“Now, I’m quite sure you’re caught up to speed on the Avatar’s interpersonal relationships.” “I am not.” I replied, to the point. “He seeks to make his union official. Which means Hakoda will have a political alliance with the most powerful person of this age. A thousand duelists can face him, and a thousand duelists will be defeated by his Avatar State. Even the best. Even legends…my pupil. As for Chief Hakoda, whereas the Avatar will not use his Avatar State, Chief Hakoda can take on the greatest of duelists and win. He can even kill  _ legends _ . They’ll be unstoppable.” He paused to take a breath. 

“Now, if the Avatar was more like your ancestor, I wouldn’t have had to mop up Sozin for him.” he looked up at the sky for a moment, then back at me. “Now, Hakoda is a clever man. He’s using his prestige as being the Avatar’s unofficial father-by-law and his prestige gained from killing a few Admirals and successfully looting much of the southern Fire Coast to build up his military. He’s lying to the Avatar. ‘I’ll be elected to run the Southern Water Tribe’, he told the Avatar.  _ Lie! _ . As we speak, his ships sail towards his largest remaining foes. If he unites the South, then come the next winter, the Spirits and their cowardly selves will be all that protects  _ your  _ homeland from a mob of pillaging Water Tribesmen.”  _ I… and?  _ “What do you want me to do, Imperial Tutor?” “You have a cousin. Send her south. Imperial-mandate that the Earth Islands be brought into the fold. Repeat what you did in Xishan, except this will be much easier because the Earth Islands love Kyoshi.” “And...I should get this done...now?” I asked, a bit tense of just sending my cousin off to do… that.

“Unless you want Hakoda to butcher the Earth Islands like he butchered your parents eighteen years and seventy nine days ago. I’d say  _ go _ .” 

_ What did you say?  _

_ Butcher?  _

And then I lost it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter...  
> ...some harsh truths are learned. Mori's known his real parents have been dead for years... but the truth hurts.
> 
> Encyclopedic Notes for Truth-Finding Folks:  
> -The chapter's title is a reference to Mori's incomplete (not very proper, aka incompetent) review of not very qualified Ministers.  
> -Toph enjoys training Dai Li agents. 'Training'.   
> -This long introduction to what she's busy doing - training - is meant to help let the reader knows what she's doing by having us experience it first hand.   
> -Toph and her thoughts on the rebellion will return.  
> -Yet another reference to the drunken populist, Prince Chong, in his advice on dealing with Court. Yes, he really was that disinterested at going to Court.   
> -Yong-Fang is the Grand Excellency of Public Works. He runs all building projects, e.x. apartment buildings, monorail lines, factories. His job has an overlap with the Council of Five when it comes to military projects, but usually, the CoF takes precedence.  
> -It's rare for anyone to come out and say 'secret police' in regards to the Dai Li. People call them Dai Li because it's a more 'honorable' or 'noble' name than calling them as they are.  
> -The Makapuans will return.


	79. The Immortal Tieguai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor learns some harsh truths...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: This isn't your usual 'Adventures' chapter. Don't expect the normal nonsensical zaniness.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Five:

A preface to the omniscient immortal man who may or may not be an actual illegitimate descendant of Oma: The Imperial Palace Grounds are not as densely populated as everyone who doesn’t live in them think. Officially, there are a thousand Imperial Guards wandering around and spirits-knows how many Dai Li, a small army of attendants and just as many courtiers. Most of those people stay out of the northern half. The half that’s reserved for the use of, currently, just two people. And one of them has always thought of trees as ‘pretty but not that colorful’ and the other one  _ is  _ in fact, named after a tree. The northern one hides a hundred houses, for whatever pleasure or fancy the two can possibly desire. Music, poetry, the martial arts, drama, there’s even a couple small forests with each grain of dirt transported from the lands of Taizigou. That northern section retains the idyllic silence that all the poets think the Imperial Palace Grounds possess, whether it’s the dead of night or noon. There, bodyguards aren’t as necessary. There, if the Consort to the highest-ranked person in the entire Empire wants to walk in tranquility and bliss, he can. If he wants to sit and practice poetry, he can. If he wants to paint a landscape of a forest, he can.

Or if he wants to draw his meteorite  _ jian  _ and start hacking away at a tree while cursing the sky itself for being misfortune enough to end up in the predicament he’s ended up in, he can. If he wants to cut away at a tree and curse the Spirits, he can. After all, it’s not like the poets capture  _ that  _ side of rulership. Because the poets won’t ever see that side of rulership. The  _ personal  _ side. 

After many, many, repetitions of furious chopping away at one of the older trees on the premises, my sword-arm got sore. A wiser man would’ve thought twice about that. A wiser man isn’t I. The person that is quite wise on the other hand rested against a different tree and watched all this as it happened. Other councillors, the idiots, might say this or that. Formal reassurances aren’t reassurances. The Imperial Tutor, whether because he knew me or because his sage wisdom has applied to hundreds of people, simply put it as “Revenge is the purest of all desires, and I’ve found it as the one that’s kick-started a hundred thousand wars and won most of them.” When I got exhausted from the  _ sheer brilliance _ I had ended up in, I sheathed my blade again and wandered over to a small side-bench, one rarely if ever used, to sit on. 

It may have been two years prior, but I helped that man, or perhaps, I  _ didn’t  _ have him executed. His army paraded around our capital, showing off how good their shield walls were. He sailed west with us. He assaulted Caldera and lost much of his expeditionary fleet and most of his allies. His kids run around with free reign as claimants to the title of ‘Victor of the Hundred Year War’ and as the Avatar’s companions. So while  _ I’m  _ stuck skiing through snow and sparse woods hunting tribesmen, they were partying it up in New Taku. I know they don’t party, but they  _ could _ . They  _ were _ . His successes earned them the life of luxury. As the Empire of Ten Thousand Years is bombarded, relentlessly, with foul incompetence and  _ daofei  _ everywhere and anywhere, the Avatar can just… ride around on his large cloud and have all his problems solved for him. 

The two of us sat, much like we sat when I met him back on Kyoshi Island, and I opened the discussion up.“Why didn’t you find me in those past years and give me this absolutely crucial information?” He answered not a moment later, as if he predicted this exact question.  _ I suppose it’s not hard to predict it _ . “Don’t we all wish we could tell our past selves something?” he stated, quite cheery for a discussion that was anything but. “That’s not an answer,” I snapped back at him. “My pupil, have you ever comprehended that the Four Nations do not revolve around you?”  _ I really could have your tongue cut out for that, but you’re also a master earthbender _ . “That’s still not an answer,” and I huffed. “That’s still not an answer, Imperial Tutor, you mean to say. I’m not a servant.”  _ No, but you’ve claimed to swear an oath to the late Avatar and my ancestor.  _ I couldn’t shake his unnerving smile.

“That’s still not an answer, Imperial Tutor.” That smile turned back to a neutral expression. “Very good. Now… as to why I didn’t tell you” he caught his breath, “Have you ever considered that the Four Nations aren’t an entity to be manipulated with? They’re not like you or I, where higher beings can toy with us as we toy with dolls and playthings.”  _ Higher beings manipulate you? You? The immortal assassin? Who possibly manipulates the immortal assassin?  _ “Whatever higher beings are playing with you, they’ve got to be quite powerful...” I mused. Then I remembered the correction, “...Imperial Tutor.” He, again breaking the serious tone, laughed. 

“The higher power is people, the strongest power of all, my pupil.” “But  _ we  _ manipulate people… Imperial Tutor” I countered. “And the people manipulate us.”  _ That doesn’t make sense.  _ I voiced such a statement. “That’s impossible.” “No, it’s impossible because  _ you’re  _ the Emperor and what else should I expect from monarchs?” “But I  _ was  _ a peasant. I  _ think  _ I know what being a peasant is like.” “Ha! You were destined to be a bargaining chip from the day you were born!”  _ Destined? How? Because of my blood? It’s because of my blood, isn’t it. Avatar’s blood runs through my veins, and Avatar’s blood is valuable. Even… if that was true, that doesn’t stop that I grew up as, in fact, a peasant. I didn’t grow up in some… luxury… because of my ‘destiny’. Also… wait, what? _ “And since when do you care about ‘destiny’, Imperial Tutor?” “Destiny? That can go eat a crossbow bolt and die, my pupil. It’s a figure of speech. You had so called holy blood, as someone else was richer than your uncle, congratulations, you became landed nobility!”  _ No, I was unlanded nobility, since I was a consort and attached to a woman who theoretically would be landed _ . 

This distraction wasn’t helping answer the original question of mine. “You  _ still  _ didn’t give an answer, Imperial Tutor.” “Oh, I did. Perhaps your  _ Imperial  _ intelligence wasn’t capable of grasping it.” It’s a very good thing the Kyoshi Warriors or one of those fanatical peasants wasn’t standing around during all this. Or we’d have some bloodshed, and bloodshed would taint the beautifully trimmed grass we tread upon. And we wouldn’t want that. Though, Lao Ge is a man who seems to live for the stuff, so if nothing else he’d get a chance to get his hands bloody once again in the name of… himself.  _ But still… we wouldn’t want that _ .

“All you said in your fancy wording is that the Four Nations aren’t manipulatable, Imperial Tutor.” “That  _ is  _ the answer, you just need to think about it.” So I thought.  _ Nobody can force them to change… sure, but how does that affect the life of the Chief of the Umiak? Wait, of course, he ran the Southern Water Tribe… somewhat. Officially. Right?  _ “Because he ran the Southern Water Tribe’s military, Imperial Tutor.” “ _ Wro-o-o-ong _ .” he stressed the word out for three  _ miao  _ longer than it needed to be. “He commanded one of the largest forces from the Southern Water Tribe.”  _ And so? And… that’s the point, right?  _ “Isn’t that the answer? He ran part of the military and thus killing him would… throw an artillery shell into everything, Imperial Tutor” 

“Wrong.” but this time he included that unsettling smirk of his.  _ Killing him would cause chaos for the South.  _ I tried again “Killing him would throw-” he cut me off. “Wrong. Stop with the ‘killing’. Think a bit more like an adult.” and he cut that smirk of his out and squinted at me. I was going to speak, but he held up his hand, smiled, nodded, and gave me “A hint!”.  _ He’s the only person who could get so ecstatic over this _ . “What did he command, what occurred because of what he did, why was he so important as a power player?”  _ Okay… power player. But… what of the rest of it? _ “What’s that supposed to mean… Imperial Tutor?” “Would you agree he was a power player at the twilight of the Hundred Year War?”  _ I mean… if power players count as people who throw their entire military capabilities away to die, then… wait, wait, wait…  _ “Because his navy was hammered and ours…  _ wasn’t _ ?” He coughed a few times. “No, you absolute genius, that’s entirely on your girlfriend for deciding to go get some seal-jerky instead of doing anything else.”  _ Hey, don’t bring the Empress into this. Though… you’re also right. I mean… you are right. She had us go off on a quest to get some seal-jerky because she felt like it. Though the Day of Black Sun was going to fail from the start. Eight fen of time for an operation…. No wait, I’m wrong. If we landed the thousand ship fleet, we’d have been able to swamp the city with numbers. But… we also had the Avatar leading us, so… pacifism means that… yeah no it would’ve failed from the start. The Avatar wouldn’t let us kill anyone of high rank.  _

“Because…” and I thought to myself.  _ His men were really well trained. He commanded raids on the Fire Nation. He… wait… am I overthinking this?  _ “Yes?” the Imperial Tutor asked, happy to interrupt my thoughts. “His children assisted with training the Avatar?” “No, considering he was quite the absentee father, I don’t think that really matters.”  _ Oh… come on _ . “Because his men were trained quite well?”  _ That can’t be it.  _ “Yes! But also, no.”  _ What?  _ “How could that be a yes and a no…”  _ remember the title, _ “...Imperial Tutor?” “His men inspired the creation of the Banner Armies, and his raids crippled the Fire Nation’s war effort. Granted, it was at the cost of many innocents, including, well, you know” and he rolled his hands over themselves as if to imply something.  _ Why are you so relaxed with this?  _ “Do you… mind… not bringing my parents into this?” “I’m the Imperial Tutor, it’s my job to lecture you. Whether you’re comfortable with the subject or not is not of your choosing” and he crossed his arms. 

Credit to the Imperial Tutor, he gave me as much time as I desired to hack away at that one tree again. When I had had enough of that, I was greeted with his frail-looking fingers pointing at me. “ _That’s_ why I didn’t tell you” and he gestured to the tree with many blade-marks in it. “Why?” I asked, sheathing my blade and sitting back down next to him. “Because _your_ headstrong Kyoshi Island mentality would’ve sabotaged the entire Four-Nation Alliance. And as much as you may take this personally, all the power players had to be kept alive for the war to end. Your girlfriend to deliver the final blow, the Avatar to rally the people and be a target for the Fire Nation to hunt, the Chief for his raiding, and so on.” _Girlfriend… right._ _You forgot someone, no?_ “What about me?” 

“You’re just a peasant. If you were dumb enough to get yourself killed in Caldera, that’s your problem. But you’re a peasant who knows people that aren’t peasants, and the young Beifong has a… penchant for obsessive violence as a solution.”  _ I… what? What? Obsessive violence? I… what?  _ “I thought you said I wasn’t a peasant.”  _ The thing about the Empress is… oddly accurate. I wouldn’t word it like that, though _ . “No, you were a bargaining chip to secure a marital union between the Earth Islands’ most famous and holiest and the rich Lords of Gaoling. Then you broke that and eloped. Then the Fire Princess destroyed the line of succession and here you are.”  _ Aren’t you… skipping a lot of history?  _ “So you’re saying once I became the Consort I became a peasant?”  _ That would be tragically ironic _ . “You became a tool of the Badgermole Throne and you’re only alive because the Empress is quite picky. And, of course, killing you would kill the chance of the  _ next  _ Earth Monarch being a powerful earthbender. Your blood, her blood, the greatest earthbending Earth Monarch in all of history will result.”  _ I…  _ “Must you be so long-term and…”  _ what’s the right word? _ “... _ brutal _ ?” “It comes with the price of immortality. Everyone dies. Except me, ‘cause…”  _ You’re Lao Ge. You don’t die.  _ “So you really just see a value in me because my blood has power to it?” “There’s more than that, but if that’s what you want, then go ahead.”  _ No… no… I didn’t just ‘want’ that _ .  _ I… no… wait _ . The way he says these statements…  _ it’s… why can’t you just… stop being so distracting?  _

“This is all distracting me… Imperial Tutor.” He smiled. “It is. Conversations are like that.”  _ You’re just admitting to it. Why?  _ “So… if I got myself into something stupid, you wouldn’t save me?” “I swore a vow to your ancestor to protect you, but I can’t stop you from being an idiot.”  _ I… well that’s heart-warming _ . “So…  _ why  _ are you here then?” I stupidly said out loud. “Just because I can’t stop you doesn’t mean I can’t advise you. And I like you. I liked your ancestor too. She was a fine pupil. She was a bit… harder to convince that taking a life is often the best solution.”  _ Kyoshi? Harder to convince? I… what?  _ “And I wasn’t that hard to convince?” He laughed a booming wild laugh of his. “You, you’re like metal. Forged in fire to become something sharp and effective. Except… you’re not the best of metals. Not all of us can be meteorites. I may never turn iron into a meteor blade, but I can  _ try _ .” I was surprised he didn’t just stand up and go ‘you’re right, bye’, and hop up the wall in one bound and leave, never to return. That should’ve been obvious. Amidst this lecture on how each of us equates with a type of metal, I realized he was  _ distracting me once again _ . 

“So you didn’t want me to kill Hakoda or his children?” That’s what I tried concluding.  _ It’s hard to figure out based on all your… tangents _ . “No, because the Hundred Year War needed to be won. And each of them contributed to the victory in one way or another.”  _ Okay, so I got it right.  _ Did he congratulate me for getting the answer? No.  _ Anyways _ , “The Hundred Year War has been won, why tell me now, not a year ago when it was won… Imperial Tutor?”  _ Don’t let your emotion make you forget to give him proper titles.  _

“I wanted some of my tasks completed first.”  _ What? Your tasks?  _ “Why, Imperial Tutor? Why your tasks first?” He inappropriately laughed. When he was done having a  _ hilarious  _ time laughing at his own humor, he wiped that smile right off his face. “You’re in the position to enact change, even if you’re just a single man with a  _ jian _ .”  _ But…  _ “If you wanted the unified land of Xishan, why not ask this of anyone else?” “You’re a much better candidate. You might just be a peasant, but you  _ appreciate  _ the value of the power you were given.”  _ So I’m just a person. That I know. But I had the power to change things and that’s why I was tasked with this. That makes some sense _ . “Why not advise the Empress?” “Does the Empress ever listen to any reason that isn’t whatever her mind tells her is right?”  _ I… No. No… I can’t lie about that _ . “I… no, she doesn’t… she rarely does… Imperial Tutor.” “But you do, because you’re smarter.”  _ I could really have your head cut off for that, but I’m feeling quite generous.  _ “I reject that notion. The Empress is quite smart, she just chooses to do as she does because-” but he interrupted me. “She does what she wants because nobody tells her to stop and think. She’s supposed to listen to advice.  _ You  _ listen to advice.”  _ Are you proposing something treasonous? Maybe… don’t? But I also can’t stop you if you say what you want.  _

It occurred to me that this conversation was being sidetracked once again.  _ The Hundred Year War ended. You wanted me to wrap up some of your tasks first. The present is the present _ . “What about now, Imperial Tutor?” “If you want to go kill them all, go right ahead. Just remember that all actions carry consequences.” I stood up because I had a newfound purpose, a new  _ drive _ . I was going to get revenge for what was done to my parents. Before I could walk away at a fast speed with a blood-fueled fire, the Imperial Tutor called out some more wisdom. “Marching off to enact your revenge will only bring about your death. If you want revenge, there are other ways to get about it! Diplomatic ways! Ways that won’t trace back to you!”  _ You’re right. There are ways _ . I stopped, turned around, and pointed at the assassin.

“You. You can kill them, Imperial Tutor!” He pulled on his beard, his well-done, torso-length beard. I wasn’t going to speak  _ too  _ loudly, so I walked over to the bench and knelt to look at his casually-relaxing self and cheerful demeanor right in his faded green eyes. “You’re Tieguai the Immortal.” He changed his relaxed self to this… really… unnerving creepy glance. It wasn’t a scowl but it also wasn’t a neutral face. “I am.” and he examined his fingernails. “If you could kill a Fire Lord and a…” I whispered this next bit, “Earth King, or ten”, I went back to my regular tone, “Then you could remove a Chief and two teenagers.” “I  _ could _ ” he put his hands back in his lap, “but why would  _ I  _ do it?”  _ What? What’s that supposed to mean? Why wouldn’t you? Because I’m the… you… you love killing.  _

“Why wouldn’t you do it?” I countered, sitting back down at his side. “Think about it.”  _ I… can’t you just give me a direct answer?  _ “Please just give me a direct answer, Imperial Tutor.” “Oh, but that’s no fun!” he said while laughing.  _ I… come on _ . “If I kill the Line of Umiak, then someone will suspect someone.” “Wait, so you’re not  _ against  _ doing it?” He pulled a knife scabbard out of his flowing court robes. “I’m theoretically not against doing it. Anyone can be killed, pupil. Just remember that. Anyone. I could get it done… hmm, within this season?” I was taken aback by how… graphic and to the point he was. It’s kind of anticlimactic. I’d expect someone to demand something, especially for a task like this, but  _ no _ . He’s the Immortal. “As I said, I  _ could  _ do it, but I won’t. However, I could  _ help  _ you get them killed, if you so desire.”  _ Well… okay then _ . Close enough. He could do it, but he won’t… for reasons. 

“How?”  _ Really, how? I can’t kill them, you can’t kill them, then who can?  _ “Simple. You know how to kill people without being suspect?” “No…” I said, really confused where he was going with this. “War.” “But wouldn’t war just result in them  _ knowing  _ the Empire did it, Imperial Tutor?” “That’s assuming the Empire is the one fighting the war.” “What do you mean, Imperial Tutor?” “The Southern Water Tribe hasn’t been unified yet, all it takes is funding the right people with the right resources and anything’s possible.”  _ Oh. You’re not talking about war with the Empire. You’re talking about taking advantage of the conflict as it happens _ . “So send money to the rival side?” “Perhaps. Here’s the thing with revenge.” He smiled like a salesman. “It’s hard to do.”  _ No kidding.  _

He took to quietly contemplating what I assume is possible revenge tactics. He sounded quite sad, genuinely sad, when he finally produced a result. “I’m quite sorry, but as of right now, there’s nothing short of an outright war with the Southern Water Tribe that’ll get you what you desire.”  _ What? No! No. That’s… How do you make these… wait no, you’re an expert. You have spies across the world.  _ “Why?” I asked, sounding like a petulant angry child. “As I said, he’s in the process of unifying the Tribe. Funding his rivals would be for nothing. However… that doesn’t mean your yearning is for naught.” It’s hard to explain what it feels like to  _ oh so badly  _ want to kill a man. Killing hundreds in war? That’s nothing in comparison. No… this, this is personal. 

“He’ll likely win, but he’ll also be weakened at the end of the conflict.  _ That’s  _ when you strike.”  _ But…  _ “That… the Empire would go to war with them, he’d bring in his son-in-law, and we’d lose.” “If you want to kill Hakoda, Chief of the Umiak and enact vengeance on his people, that is your  _ only  _ way to win now.”  _ But that’s not the only way. It can’t be _ . “What about some kind of avalanche of rocks while his boat’s sailing through a tight pass.” 

He smirked. “Good. You’re thinking.” He pulled a small rock off the rock-wall pile of rocks and clenched his fist around it. When he opened the rock again, it was dust. “That could be arranged.” “What do you mean by ‘could be arranged?’ Are you going to do it or not?” He took a deep breath. “Do you want me to waste more of your ever important time?” I shook my head. “Then the answer is no.” 

I felt like victory was  _ stolen  _ from me. I fell on my knees and begged “Why? Why? Why? Why can’t you!?!” and he chuckled. “I don’t  _ have  _ to kill anyone. I’m here to guide you, and I’m guiding you that it’s quite possible, you just need to make the right arrangements with people that  _ aren’t  _ me.”  _ You’re kidding me. You’re actually kidding me _ . “So you’re going to just… cheat me out of this?” He squinted his eyes and put his frail-appearing fingers together. “If I were you, I wouldn’t accuse me of ‘cheating’ you out of anything.” He took a breath. “I am your tutor. I am your teacher. I have not lived for thousands of years to simply be commanded around by someone. A hundred lords tried to and a hundred lords lie dead.” He stood up and looked down at me. The air felt colder than before. “ _ I am not your servant _ .” I fell off my bench. I couldn’t explain it. I just… slipped and fell off and face planted the ground. 

And like _that_ , he suddenly swapped to giving me a pat on the back. In a cheery voice, “I’ll be happy to help in anything else!” and he laughed to himself. _By Kyoshi, you’re insane_. _I… you… why am I so sweaty? Why is my heart trying to exit my chest and go flying?_ _I’ll just… change the subject… before you kill me._ “Imperial… Tutor, what...what about… what about the Earth… the Earth Islands?” “They’re going to be raided quite soon. I humbly-” he offered a bow, “-advise that you have the Earth Islands unified and turned into a Banner Army. A Banner Army with an accompanying Banner Fleet.” He left that off sounding quite incomplete. As such, and also to avoid having the life sucked out of me with a rock fist, I asked, with a bow, “Is there something else the Imperial Tutor wanted to add?” 

I sat down on the bench. The Imperial Tutor joined me. “How would the Emperor of the Earth Empire review his Court?”  _ Well that’s totally irrelevant _ . “Isn’t that quite… unnecessary to the Earth Islands?”  _ I mean, it is, right? What does one have to do with the other?  _ “To rephrase past words” and he let out a single chuckle, “ _ you haven’t given me an answer _ .” “But… Imperial Tutor, weren’t we discussing the Earth Islands?” He nodded. “We were, and now we’re discussing the Imperial Court.”  _ But… the Earth Islands.  _ “Can we finish discussing the Earth Islands and their conflict with the Southern Water Tribe… Imperial Tutor?” Once more, he chuckled. “ _ You still haven’t given me an answer,  _ my pupil!”  _ No, I haven’t. Because what’s the point of this?  _ I didn’t answer the question, but now I realized that if I didn’t answer it, he’d keep asking me to answer it.  _ If this is your sense of justice, well… good on you for being consistent I guess _ .  _ It’s frustrating, but perhaps that’s the point of you tutoring _ .

“I think most of the top ministers are corrupt, but the rest of the Court is quite efficient. I mean, our Empire’s functioning… albeit not perfectly, but quite well, right?” The Imperial Tutor laughed. “You don’t like them. I know you don’t. You know you don’t.” _But… I do_. “I do. I think that the lower court officials are usually more competent. It’s my Empress who really doesn’t like them.” “Then why aren’t you reflecting your Empress’s views? Do you want to be seen as a traitor to both sides?” _Huh? What? Traitor_? I didn’t know what he meant by that. 

‘Both sides’. “What do you mean by both sides?” “Well if you  _ also  _ don’t like the Court, then at least all the monarchists will support you. But if you have opinions that vary from the Empress’s, then you’ll be disliked by both the bureaucrats  _ and  _ the monarchists.”  _ Why…  _ “Since when were there factions, Imperial Tutor?”  _ And if there have been… what? When?  _ “There’s always been conspiring factions. That’s the nature of the Imperial Court. They all swear loyalty to the Badgermole Throne but some plot against it. The wise ones do it quietly.” “So… I thought I previously told you that I didn’t like the ministers, Imperial Tutor.” “You didn’t just tell me-” he snickered, “-you made sure to show  _ everyone  _ that ever since you shoved a  _ jian  _ through one of the minister’s chests” and he spread his arms out in jarring motions unbecoming of an old man, as if to embrace a giant in a hug.  _ Right. Right. Of course. I neglected to remember that _ . “So some of the top ministers are corrupt. Are you planning to get rid of them, Imperial Tutor?” He brought his hands back down to his lap. 

He side-stepped my question.“Back to the Earth Islands, do you know anything about the Earth Islands beyond Kyoshi Island?”  _ What?  _ “I thought we were discussing-” “You wanted to discuss the Earth Islands, now we’re discussing it.” Is it possible to both be the Emperor and one of the most powerful people on this continent and also feel like a child being scolded for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? Yes, it is. “I’ve been to-” but he cut me off. “Yonaguni. I don’t want to hear about where you’ve  _ been _ , but what you  _ know _ .”  _ I… do I even bother going ‘how do you know?’. No, because of course you know. Because you always know. Because why wouldn’t you know? You are the Immortal. You have a million eyes, and two faded ones.  _

“I know that the other islands have similar climates to ours and I’ve been told they have similar cultures to Kyoshi Island, Imperial Tutor.” This time, I nailed the title. “But do you know anything?”  _ That’s a great statement and probably could be used for many things _ . “From the Imperial Archives?” I countered. He nodded.  _ Oh. I and my one eye see. You’re talking about official knowledge. _ My voice accidentally became more formal.“The other Earth Islands bear strong loyalties to the Badgermole Throne and it’s said they bear similar cultures to Kyoshi Island.” “Precisely.”  _ Why do you care about me saying it in one form or another? Should I even bother asking?  _ “And?” I asked.

“You know, my pupil, I find the Imperial Archives a source of ironically out of touch rhetoric, don’t you?”  _ I… what? What does that have to do with anything?  _ Since that smile of his wasn’t planning to go away, I figured I should probably contribute my opinions. “Some of the Imperial Archives have said… far from accurate statements. Such as the Fire Lord possessing a pet dragon.”  _ Okay Imperial Tutor, you don’t need to break into laughter at that. Stop laughing. Or… you can’t, because you’re the Imperial Tutor and free to laugh at what you wish _ . “I meant to say Fire Lord Azulon-” but he cut me off. “Terrible, terrible, comment. Perhaps the Emperor’s as out of date as his Archives, then. Which wouldn’t be inaccurate, do you not rely on your heralds to bring news?”  _ In all honesty… kind of.  _ “I prefer to think that I rely on whatever nonsense comes crashing into the Imperial Palace Grounds this fine morning” and I gestured at said structure. The Imperial Tutor gave an agreeing head-bow. “At least the Avatar’s too blissfully honest to lie. Can’t say the same for his allies.” 

I tried to bring the conversation back around. “What does all of this have to do with the Earth Islands, Imperial Tutor?”  _ because your constant distractions are either a sign of your insanity, which seems evident, or you just wish to move the conversation on to points that you want it to go to. But I’ll resist that _ . “The Imperial Archives got this one wrong, not that you should be surprised by the failings of one of the oldest institutions in existence.” “I’m not surprised, the Imperial Archives neglected to mention our more… whiskey-related cultural traditions.” “Whiskey-related? They failed to mention that your homeland’s the centerpoint of an entire spiritual belief system!” “Center of a spiritual belief? You mean my ancestor?”  _ This is news to me _ . “Yes! The rest of the Earth Islands pray towards that small spruce island you call home!” After most things I’ve lived through, I can’t say I’m shocked. “So? They worship my supreme ancestor. So do I.” “My pupil, do you not desire having your beliefs spread across the continent?” “I… do.” My cautiousness is because his question sounded too obvious to answer.  _ Of course I do. I want the whole world to follow Kyoshi’s Ethics. Egalitarianism and saunas are great.  _

“So tell your cousin to go down to the Earth Islands and unify them.” First things first, his mentioning of my cousin made me get protective of her. “Why Suki? Why not me?” I’d rather go, bring her along perhaps, but if this is being told to  _ me _ , then it’s  _ my  _ task. “Because you need to stay in Ba Sing Se. You’re a commander of military forces and you’ve got a military to go reform.” I am a commander, yes, it doesn’t make anyone else any more competent and it doesn’t make my job any easier and… I’m like half as qualified as the Council of Five to do this. “There may also be a war soon.” I ignored his comment and went back to the discussion on my cousin. “And I’m supposed to send my cousin down there, alone? Do you remember how hard it was for me to convince Kotyan to convince his fellow tribes to unite?” I forgot to call him by his title, but I don’t think the Immortal cares that much.

The Imperial Tutor and immortal assassin who’s been around forever rolled his eyes. “No, I didn’t forget. Skiing’s boring.” “Did...you follow me?”  _ Just add another factor of omniscience to all this _ . He cracked his knuckles. “I had business to attend to that far north.”  _ Of course you did. Do I want to guess what it was?  _ I went and guessed what it was. “Did you desire chopping down a couple Chiefs somewhere?” “Close, but no spark. Have you ever hunted waterbenders, my pupil?” “I have not. The last time I dealt with waterbenders, they were…” but I didn’t really want to continue that monorail of thought. It’s still too recent. Quite fresh in my memory.  _ The snow, the chill, the darkness…  _ “I went hunting waterbenders recently!” he yelled in a cheer. “ _ How  _ recently?” I countered, wary of his self-applause. “As I said, my pupil, I had business to attend to.”  _ You went hunting. Waterbenders. In the middle of winter. You were the one hunting the waterbenders that were hunting us, weren’t you? Or… maybe you just went hunting waterbenders in the middle of winter and endless nights because… I… don’t even… I don’t have the words _ .

Correction, the Immortal is insane, unstoppable, and glory-seeking. And possibly has the heart of a Xishaner. “Imperial Tutor, you remind me of the Northerners. Same spirit to go die in really heroic fashion.” “Oh, I’m no hero, my pupil. The ‘heroes’ all died long ago. I’m not a hero. I’m alive because I had a realistic belief system.”  _ Is the Avatar not a hero? The histories will call him a hero, right? Because he’s the Avatar. Does he not count? Do I not want to ask? Should I not ask?  _ I wasn’t going to ask. I wanted to get back to the discussion. “So you want me to go unite the Earth Islands, Imperial Tutor.” “Your cousin, and yes.” “How, Imperial Tutor? How?”

“Do you think I spent the last thousand years getting drunk?”  _ Yes? I’m going with yes.  _ “If you were going to say yes, you’d be quite right!”  _ Oh. So… it was yes. That’s anticlimactic.  _ “I’ve got my contacts down there. I’ve ensured that my contacts are receptive to the idea of being reorganized and reformed. I’ve found that some contacts are even intelligent enough to be possible applicants for the Imperial Court. They’ve just been ignored because the Earth Islands are somewhere between nowhere and an ice cap.” 

Where do I begin?  _ Oh, I know where. Reliability.  _ “How did you ensure such?” “I have my ways. I’ve learned that some subordinates will do  _ anything  _ for power. And lots of the Islanders down there are like Kyoshi Island but not as fanatical.” When I heard ‘I have my ways’, I figured that the best way to remain with a head was to just pretend he was talking about extremely diplomatic  _ and  _ legal ways. Because I’m the Emperor. And talking to people that admit to murdering magistrates is not that legal. Talking to Kingslayers is… also not legal.  _ Nope. In fact, you’re supposed to be dead. Multiple times over.  _ So… for the sake of not turning these nice grasses red, I assumed he was talking about something legal. Killing  _ other  _ world leaders is fine, but the Badgermole Throne’s supposedly better than that. Yet another boon of talking up here: Nobody’s here to judge the immortal assassin and his pupil.

Back to the discussion. “Why the Earth Islands first? Why not Boshan? Or somewhere else that’s both near and relevant to Ba Sing Se?” The Imperial Tutor looked over at the tree with a bunch of blade-marks in it and chuckled. “As you’ve just admitted, it’s in the middle of everything. Reforms don’t work when they’re surrounded by a mob of unwashed peasants who are quite capable of rebellions. My past warnings came to fruition, did they not?” 

I was reminded of previous comments on rebellions by the Imperial Army short cape the man’s wearing to compliment his court robes.  _ Specifically, the penchant for populist rebellions popping out of the military.  _ “Are you implying something?” I asked, trying to play his… long winded game.  _ If so, why not just say it?  _ “I don’t imply anything. I’m not some future-seer, there’s no such thing. But… consider this, Emperor. When you were in Xishan, was unifying the Tribes easier because you  _ weren’t  _ in the Empire?”  _ That’s a really odd question. It wasn’t easier, they killed one another from a lack of rules. If the rules are what’s holding us up, then sure. But that’s disregarding all the bonuses the Empire brings.  _ But he wasn’t asking in general, he was being specific. Or… that’s what I went with. 

“In the case of reforming and forging a Banner Army, yes, Imperial Tutor.” “That’s the correct answer. Now, would you agree that on Kyoshi Island, change would come easier than in Ba Sing Se?”  _ Thanks for the obvious easy question for once _ . “Kyoshi Island.” “Correct. The Earth Islands are like Kyoshi Island. And since you’re from Kyoshi Island, consider it a bonus to any decisions you want to make.”  _ Okay, so far you’re just proving my preceding argument _ . “This is just making a case for why  _ I _ , being the Earth Emperor and blood of Kyoshi, should go.” 

He stood up. “ _ No _ . You will stay in Ba Sing Se. There are more important matters  _ you  _ must attend to since the people who should be attending to them are busy picking their toes. Shall rebellions return, you  _ must  _ stay in Ba Sing Se and do your duty! Should war come tomorrow, you must stay in Ba Sing Se and do your duty!” He then sat down, brought one of his legs up, and scratched his foot. “And, besides, Suki is a woman. The female magistrates prefer someone who looks like the statues in their homes.”  _ Weird requirement, but okay. Not the craziest thing I’ve heard today _ .  _ Far from it. And… I guess it makes sense. She’s well versed in the folktales and the cultural history, she’s practically everything the average Kyoshi-worshipper would look up to. I’m just a tree man _ .

“Why not go to Suki and tell her directly?” “I was going to do just that, but as you’re the Emperor and you have a pretend sense of agency, there’s matters that concern you first and her second.”  _ Pretend sense of… nevermind _ .  _ Another metaphor, or maybe you’re just having fun Dai Li style _ . “Were there other matters you wished to inform me of?” “We only got to discussing one of the Four Nations, and even then just half of it. And the Earth Islands. But before we continue, do you think your cousin will be willing to travel to the Earth Islands and hand a couple magistrates a couple pre-written scrolls I’ve written?” 

_ I… do you just do everything without asking anyone? Yes? You do? Right.  _ “Pre-written scrolls?” “Agreements to reform the military and swear allegiance to Kyoshi Island, with Kyoshi Island being named the capital of the new Earth Islands region.” “Why not Ba Sing Se?”  _ Better yet,  _ “Why not the Badgermole Throne? Are you proposing-” I was going to say ‘treason’, but he cut me off. “Because Ba Sing Se is turbulent and too far away, and the Badgermole Throne is also too far away. Kyoshi Island will always be loyal to  _ someone  _ in Ba Sing Se that has sense, and hopefully that person doesn’t go and get himself killed.” 

“This is breaking Imperial law, Imperial Tutor.” Lao Ge didn’t take my serious comment seriously. “You’re inventing a whole new style of military. You’re the  _ Emperor _ !” I responded as one would, “And?”, forgetting what he said. “Just go… I don’t know, kiss the Empress once or twice, and anything you want will be the law! You don’t even have to be immoral! The two of you love one another, just…  _ do _ ! How could you break the law when your betrothed can pass laws in her sleep?” Leave it to the immortal law-breaker to advise on who owns the rights to making laws and how my unique situation grants me those rights. 

“Because I follow the Empress. She dictates the laws and I follow-” He yawned. He yawned quite viciously. “Boring. You’re boring. You’d never get anything done if your words were true.”  _ But they are true. I follow whatever the Empress says _ .  _ That’s the whole… point of the monarchy. One monarch, the rest of us are servants _ . “I wasn’t lying.” “I don’t care. You know that. I know that. If you’re so scared of the ‘law’ that you get to invent, go talk to the Empress and ask her to approve of such a move. Just as the rest of us appeal to her, you can do the same. You just have one thing the rest don’t.” “I’m young?” “Ha! I was going to say you’re not a eunuch, but I’m pretty certain the last eunuch-attendant was from a few Earth Kings ago. Maybe more. Maybe less.” “For a follower of Kyoshi’s Ethics, you’re pretty… I don’t know.” Really, I don’t know how to describe this man. He’s… it’s like… I  _ know  _ what he’s trying to say, but his eccentricism and endless quirks hold him up.  _ No… he uses them _ . 

He pointed his finger at me. “Don’t you tell me I’m ‘crazy’. I didn’t kill the General of Pandimu at sixteen. I didn’t threaten to topple the Dragon Throne at seventeen! I didn’t fight Chin-backed  _ daofei  _ at sixteen. I didn’t kill a Chin Magistrate at sixteen. I didn’t duel a Pirate Lord at sixteen! I’m not the man who shoved a  _ jian  _ through an old general’s chest at sixteen. I didn’t learn to fly a biplane in a few weeks and suicidal charge a bunch of airships! I didn’t land on the shores of Caldera and started hacking my way through firebenders until I won! From Kyoshi down to you,  _ you’re  _ the dynasty that’s accomplished so much.” I couldn’t argue any of those points. So I dropped it.

“I’ll appeal to the Empress. If she accepts, I’ll tell Suki to meet you in my Imperial Study.” I put my hands together. “Now, what else were you going to tell me of… Imperial Tutor?” “Do you want to hear about the Northern Water Tribe, the Empire, the Fire Nation, the whereabouts of the Air Avatar, or New Taku?”  _ The Northern Water Tribe… I spent a season learning about them, the Empire… I live here, the Fire Nation, the Fire Lord gave me some hints… very good hints towards the state of his realm, so… sure. The Air Avatar, why do I care? New Taku? That’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. Yes, yes I’d like to know more about it.  _ “Do I have a choice?” I wondered, instead of giving an answer. Why? Knowing the Imperial Tutor the answer would be ‘The choice was predestined for you, but there’s no such thing as predestined.’ “Yes. Learn or don’t learn.”  _ Close enough. I’ll take it _ . “The Fire Nation… no… New Taku!” “You have no choice in the matter. I’m picking the Fire Nation.”  _ Why not. You control this discussion anyways _ .

“You heard the Fire Lord. A Fire Lord with the perfect mix of royal blood and the Avatar’s.”  _ I’m sorry. What?  _ “What did you say?  _ Avatar _ ’s blood? What? What?” I pressed my palm into the side of my head so hard I felt my own pulse through my… palm. “He’s the great-grandson of Avatar Roku.”  _ Yet another example of how the Imperial Archives fail. We have an entire force of secret Dai Li reports and nobody… nobody picked up on this _ .  _ Or rather, nobody told me _ . “So that’s why the Fire Princess was a prodigy.” “That and she’s the perfect firebender.”  _ Fair point _ . “The Fire Lord could be one of the best firebenders, and he’s got a dragon, and he’s got the birthright, and yet his nation’s in a period of instability.” and the Imperial Tutor paused, as if to invite me to speak. So I did.

“According to the Fire Lord, he has three factions vying for power in his Court, Imperial Tutor.” He yawned. “There’s actually more than three, I just own his Master of Secret Police.”  _ What?  _ “You  _ own _ the... _ what _ ?”  _ What? _ “Well I made a deal with her. She tells me everything. I don’t come in the middle of the night and drag her away into the darkness. Fair trade, no?”  _ I… You know what. You know what. I won’t ask _ . “That’s probably breaking a law somewhere.” He laughed. “It ain’t illegal if nobody knows about it, that’s what I learned in the  _ daofei _ . And do you not care more about your Empire than the Fire Nation?”  _ You got me there _ .  _ I can’t say I care all that much, it’s just… odd _ . “No, I’m not against you doing that. I’m for the Empire first, I just… you surprise me, Imperial Tutor.” “I shouldn’t surprise you by now. Your dynasty’s had four hundred years to get used to me.” I tried to re-rail the conversation. “So there’s more than three?” He nodded and began counting them out on his fingers. 

“You’ve got the Loyalist Daimyos, the Loyalist Officials, the Fire Isles Secessionists, the ‘Old Ways’ Sozin-types some of which are daimyos and some are just officials, the Reformers, again, some daimyos and some officials, and the Acolyte Spies.” _That’s more than three. Yes, I know, obvious, but not obvious to the Fire Lord_. “What’s the difference between a Loyalist Official and a Loyalist Daimyo?” “The daimyos are nobles that own castles and want to keep their castle holdings, the officials might not own castles or might be a peasant who got good marks on his civil service exams. The daimyos support the nobility of which they are the major sect, the officials either support lower nobility or the peasantry.” _Ah. Right. Makes sense_. “So what’s the difference between a Loyalist and a Reformist Official?” “The Loyalist’s lower nobility, think mayors or county officials, the Reformist is usually a peasant and would like to improve the conditions of the peasantry. The Loyalists also support the Fire Lord’s militarization no matter what, the Sozinists support _more_ militarization, the Reformists support demilitarization.” “So the Fire Lord has more allies than he thinks, Imperial Tutor. Right?” “Sure,-” he said it sarcastically, “-lots of people will follow him because he’s the Fire Lord. And those same people will respect whatever the Fire Lord says because the Fire Lord decides what is or isn’t right. What he doesn’t seem to realize is that his father, as tyrannical as he was, was always right about one thing: What the Fire Lord says _is_ law. The current Fire Lord forgets that. If the Fire Lord opts to go one way or another, let’s say towards reformation, he will gain _more_ support from these other not-Loyalist factions.” _So it’s chaos of an absolute monarchy crashing into an extremely factionalized Court. And Zuko is far from absolute in how he makes decisions. Thus opportunities arise for Court officials._

Up until now, this is mostly just rehashing what the Fire Lord told me, even if he was a nervous wreck while doing so. There was one thing the Fire Lord mentioned, his wife claimed, and the Imperial Tutor just hinted at. Something that still carries huge consequences if true. “What of the Acolytes. You mentioned there being ‘Acolyte Spies’. What of them?” “You know how there are Acolytes running around Ba Sing Se starting rebellions?”  _ Yes _ .  _ It was mentioned in some letters _ . “I’m going to go with no. And I’m also going to go with  _ when were you planning to tell me this? Next year? _ ” “I was  _ planning  _ to tell you after you achieved an heir, but  _ seeing  _ as you’re conversing with me and trying to save the Empire instead of indulging in those fantasies, I figured now’s a better time.” In a mimicry of my fellow world leader, I pinched the bridge of my nose and groaned. 

“How long did you know that Acolytes were behind the…  _ how  _ did you know? And if you…”  _ wait a miao _ … “There were Imperial Army soldiers rebelling. They don’t care for Acolytes, except maybe Acolyte women, but that’s for a far less than ideological reason.” The immortal man laughed like a roaring drunk. “Of course, a pious woman walks into a Lower Ring tavern. Spirits and spirits know what ensues!”  _ Was… was that an alcohol joke? Are you like me? Did Kyoshi pick up after your insanity and that’s why the rest of us are… you know what, I won’t even bother _ . The Imperial Tutor lectured his point across. “The Acolytes assisted in starting it. A couple of their thugs stole someone’s sister, or cousin, or niece, and Fancun burns as a result.” “Do you have evidence for this, Imperial Tutor?” “Not really, but the rebels claimed the Acolytes were trying to undermine the Empire and that they should hunt down and kill all collaborators. I figured, judging by your past experiences, you’d put the pieces together.” I had no idea what to even say. So I just sat there, hands in lap, looking at this ancient man and all his knowledge. 

_ Just… no, I wouldn’t put the pieces together. Not all of us are able to plan every eventuality and causality every miao of every day. When was I supposed to ‘put all this together’, information I didn’t have and was just trying to accrue by means of Grand Chancellor Bohai? When I’m training with the jian? When I’m training with the bow? When I’m studying texts in the Archives? When General Song’s lecturing me on military stratagems? When I’m answering Memorials? On campaign in frigid ice forests? When do I have the time to sit down and go ‘here’s information I don’t have, and here’s an impossible conclusion’. I don’t. That’s part of… you know… the position _ . 

He sensed my _fen_ -long pause and eventually interjected with a reassuring comment. “We’ll cover the rebellion later, since it’s over and my grandkids are extracting some information right now.” _That’s his style of reassuring_. “Grandkids?” “Metaphorical.” _I’m not even going to ask_. “So the Fire Nation, Imperial Tutor.” He adjusted his sitting. “Indeed. The Fire Nation’s full of spies. Some of them are helping me with information. Actually, they’re helping my friends, but my friends know that if they want to wake up tomorrow, they’ll be telling me that information. Of the so-called Acolytes, many are just our spies who infiltrated through perfectly legal means. They’re the types that tend to be found _out_ of the official court and talking to court officials elsewhere. Like in the middle of the night. Who would’ve known all the Dai Li’s task force of women could go so far.” _Right. Those. I forgot about those. I remember being greeted by one of those when I first arrived in the Upper Ring_. 

“There’s also Acolytes who think they represent the Avatar, only five, give or take four, were actually sent by the Avatar to advise the Fire Lord. Rest are working for my grandkids, or me. Since they’re all wearing the robes, they’re all treated like they represent the Avatar, which is great for all the ambitious power players out there.”  _ Ambitious power players? The drunk ex-daofei thugs aren’t very… power… and they’re far from players _ . “The Acolytes I met in the Upper Ring were a combination of idealistic teenagers and men using the status to hide them of their crimes, Imperial Tutor.” He smiled. “That’s how brand new institutions work, my pupil.”  _ Of course. _ “As for these Acolyte spies, what else can you tell me?” “Ha! You take me as some kind of Minister of Intelligence? As it turns out, that’s what the Imperial Tutor is. Since the Imperial Tutor must draw wisdom to teach the Emperor.” and he laughed that laugh of his that’s really shrill and off-putting and if this was the middle of the night and I heard that I might get scared. It’s the day and I’m  _ still  _ scared. He’s my ally, I hope, and I’m  _ still  _ scared. 

The arbiter of information pulled some new information out of his omniscient network to tell me. “Some of these Acolytes aren’t working for myself, or my friends, or the Avatar. Some of them work for New Taku.”  _ New Taku? That can only mean…  _ “The former Lord of Gaoling, Lord Beifong.” A simple nod, one of the Imperial Tutor’s favorite ways of conveying emotion, was all I needed. “So he’s back at his old game of having his eyes and ears everywhere.” The Imperial Tutor nodded at my  _ oh-very-accurate  _ comment. “But this time, his eyes and ears have a focal point sponsored by the Avatar and sponsored by his Business Council. One of those is only a sponsor of affiliation, but whoever the Avatar affiliates instantly gains support.”  _ Because he’s the Avatar. And the Avatar decides right and wrong _ . “And the Avatar is backing a cruel man.” “Oh there’s no doubt, he and the Fire Lord your girlfriend killed should compete for ‘Worst Father of the Hundred Year War.’” I’m glad the Immortal and I agree on that. Not that we disagree on anything…  _ no, no…  _ but it’s nice to be reassured by a man who’s seen it all. 

“Lord Beifong rules his own puppet kingdom over in New Taku. I don’t even remember who the current Chair is. Doesn’t matter. They’re a mouthpiece of the Flower King.”  _ Flower King. Where have I heard that name before? _ I didn’t think too hard about it, the Avatar’s comments came back to me.  _ His idealistic naive comments _ . “I think I learned this from the Avatar long ago. If his spies are in Caldera, then what’s that mean? He’s plotting to kill the Fire Lord? Add the Fire Lord to his personal retinue?” “I was about to suggest ‘marry the Fire Lord to his blind daughter, promise a massive amount of gold to the Fire Lord, then never deliver it’ but it’s too soon, right?” and he nudged me in the chest with his elbow. “It’s been a couple years, Imperial Tutor.” “For me, that’s like yesterday.” If nothing else I appreciate his concern. His weird, grandfather-like concern. It didn’t make the reality of the situation any less… worrying, but at least he…  _ means well? Sure _ . “So he’s trying to take control of the Fire Nation, Imperial Tutor?”

“If I had to guess, Lord Beifong is using his influence as the Avatar’s ally to try and gain power over the tattered Dragon Throne. He’s got the gold to buy a rebellion if he wants. Or a hundred mercenary companies. Whichever works for him. He’ll then cause a rebellion. In it, he’ll give the current Fire Lord a choice. Accept the Lord’s support and agree to always do as he says, or get killed. Since this man likes keeping things quiet and simple, as that knife that went through your hand should confirm.”  _ Are you really making me remember that?  _ He did. Not long after we eloped, we had assassins sent after us. Some were caught by the power of earthbending and sent flying. Some were wiser than that. Clearly, none of them did the job. Never, ever forget the power of seismic sense and earthbending. “So, in conclusion, Lord Beifong wants to destabilize the Fire Nation to his benefit?” “This isn’t a conclusion.” and the Imperial Tutor let out a few hacking coughs.

“Lord Beifong is currently planning to form an alliance with a certain Southern Water Tribe Chief. Why did I tell you that seeking vengeance would be hard? He’s going to give financial support. And if, no, when, the Southern Water Tribe Chief wins, he’ll become a permanent ally of New Taku.”  _ Why do I feel so… light… headed?, all of a sudden?  _ “This means...” I didn’t want to finish, I was scared of finishing it, but the Imperial Tutor was more than happy to. “That soon enough, Lord Beifong will have the Avatar, the Southern Water Tribe,  _ and  _ the Fire Nation as his allies. The three won’t be allies, but they’ll all owe him. And if they owe him, he owns them.”  _ No. No. No. No. No.  _ “He’ll rule half the world.” “Unless the Badgermole Throne stops him.”  _ No. No. My own parent’s murderer allied with the person who legally kidnapped me and tried to force me into an arranged marriage and is also the man who tried to have the two of us assassinated. Many, many times _ .  _ I… no.  _

I threw myself off the bench and knelt in front of the immortal assassin. “Can you  _ please  _ intervene in this?” “Why, of course. But after my recent absence from the Imperial Court-” he gestured to the Imperial Army cape, “-I can’t just go traveling there. I  _ will  _ have some of my good friends go out and see what they can do.”  _ Good friends... _ “Thank you…” I almost kissed his hand from this. “Thank you!”  _ Wait.  _ “But… do I owe you something now?” “No. Because some of these powers threaten the Line of Kyoshi, and-” he stood up, fluffed his robes so they’d cover his thin legs once more, and kowtowed to me. His voice was suddenly far more charismatic. “-I will  _ always  _ serve the Line of Kyoshi! From now until the end of time!” Then he rose out of his kowtow and I my kneel.

“So, Your Majesty, you want to go get a whiskey?” and he slapped my back.  _ I… why do I feel so nauseous. Sea-sickness… except I’ve never had that.  _ “You look like you need a whiskey!” and he ruffled my queue again.  _ I don’t think a whiskey would help _ . “I don’t need a whiskey, Master Ge. I  _ really  _ don’t need one.” “Your loss! I’ll be at One-Hahned catching up with the boys!” I didn’t even understand that reference. It sounded familiar, but I didn’t. I knew what the tavern was, but…  _ which ‘boys’ _ . Probably his ‘grandkids’.  _ But who? Who is he the ancestor of… oh… oh… the Dai Li. Right… remember… immortal assassin alive for the past five thousand years at least _ . 

As he strolled away, he gave me a final word of wisdom for the day. “Remember, the Avatar can kill legends! But poison can kill Fire Lords!” and he jogged away, whistling a folk-poem about ‘Earth King Huang is on high!’, a poem believed to be written during the reign of the Fourth Earth King and lost to time until recently. It covers the death of the First Earth King, his son’s tyrannical replacement, and his grandson’s cause of his line’s collapse. The son’s nephew unites the people and is given the Mandate by popular support, and the cycle of popularity, a descent into tyranny, collapse and finally rebirth thus begins. The final line of the poem is the one everyone from the farthest frontier in the Earth Islands to a farmstead in Gaolan knows. It’s the only line that was remembered for some time:

_ Long divided, must unite! Long united, must divide!  _

As to how Master Lao Ge knows this poem, well anything’s possible. Knowing him, he killed said mythical Earth King. Knowing him, he’d probably claim to have  _ started  _ the cycle. It’s thanks to him that I know it now.

The Imperial Palace Grounds are very quiet and peaceful and tranquil and all the other words the poets use. I wasn’t feeling very tranquil, in fact I found myself circling the same pond ten times until an attendant arrived and, after kowtowing, asked if I was feeling alright. I asked her if she was around earlier, by law she had to reply correctly, and she confirmed that she wasn’t. Then she reminded  _ me  _ that I had told the few attendants present up here to vacate the areas so the Imperial Tutor and I could have a discussion. Alone. And now he was gone. I thank this nameless woman for helping me walk about two hundred feet back to the Imperial Palace proper, where I met my  _ yunjiwei  _ again. 

“Your Majesty looks quite tired.” my  _ yunjiwei  _ said, a genuine look of concern on his face. “No,  _ yunjiwei _ , I’m feeling quite...sick? Have you ever learned  _ all  _ the information in one day and just want to go do a hundred things at once?” “Not really, Your Majesty.”  _ Thank you for your honesty, yunjiwei _ . “I will take your advice and go… sleep, though.” I looked at the stairway to walk up before it occurred to me that it was dark out. “Since when was it dark out?” “Half a  _ geng _ , Your Majesty.”  _ Really? How… how did I completely miss the passing of time?  _

“And were you standing here this whole time?” “I was, Your Majesty.” “Did you hear anything?” “Only what sounded like you taking out your rage against a tree, Your Majesty.” “Well… I was doing that. Yes.  _ I was _ ” His honest words reminded me of  _ one man _ . A man who  _ will  _ get what we over here call Imperial Justice, whether by poison, avalanche, or, knowing the Spirits, a duel. 

But for now, I had to sleep. I  _ wanted  _ to take a biplane and go find that man, and knowing my fortune, I would. Knowing how the Spirits care for my ‘luck’, as the Lower Ringers call it, that man will come crashing into my front yard one day. I  _ also  _ desire to meet the Avatar’s companions, if nothing else, for a conversation. Who knows, perhaps I can apply one of my first true mentor’s pieces of wisdom and turn-the-tables like she did against those she wanted dead. 

There’s only one certainty: An ally of Hakoda is my enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the Kyoshi Islanders talk about the future of their homeland.
> 
> An Appendix on Information:  
> -The chapter's title is in honor of Lao Ge's alias. The *Immortal* Tieguai. The everknowing Immortal Tieguai. A man who'll do whatever he needs to do for the Line of Kyoshi.  
> -"Was Lao Ge telling Mori this statement planned", you may ask. Yes. Ever since I knew Mori's parents were long dead (way back in Records), I wanted to have someone step up to Mori and give him an answer to a question he never cared to ask. Why didn't he ask? It never really mattered to him. Oyaji was his father for most of his life, up until he revealed that he wasn't.  
> -Hakoda is Chief of the Umiak, but one of the many tribes of the Southern Water Tribe  
> -A common motif of this chapter is Lao Ge's distractions:  
> -I based this on real conversations, where the topic often goes off on tangents. Real conversations aren't fair. Whoever commands the discussion commands it to go wherever he wants. Normally Mori controls the conversations he's in by virtue of rank, but this is one of the few times where's he's subservient.  
> -The two go through a variety of topics this chapter. The unresolved ones aren't going to be forgotten.  
> -Various 'achievements' Lao Ge lists off about Kyoshi's dynasty were, chronologically, accomplished by her, various descendants of her/ancestors of Mori, then finally Mori himself.


	80. A Lifelong Ambition, Fulfilled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Kyoshi Islanders sit down and discuss their homeland.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Six:

“What kind of footwork is that?” and, for punishment of my footwork not being accurate, I took a small foot strike to the back of my front leg. “Do you want me to drop this?” and I shook the hilt to help emphasize that I was about to. “I didn’t know scabbards could kill, Your Majesty” the old man laughed before returning to his tea stool. He then raised his hand and yelled “Five on one! Now!” and my good eye darted to the corners as I slowly rotated around. The fifth man was standing behind me, mirroring me  _ just  _ so that he kept out of my peripheral sight. “If you get defeated, I’ll tell everyone the Emperor was knocked down by five nameless men!” the General barked, some humor to his voice, more seriousness, and even more tea.  _ Hey, they aren’t nameless. They’re just… about to go down _ .

The five took their ready -and aggressively so- stances.  _ Right, five men. Not four. And these are a different four men because the other four men were exhausted.  _ I couldn’t draw the blade but I could hold it like it was a blade. I was supposed to, for ‘That’s not not a weapon, that’s your  _ jian _ and you better treat it like one!,’ as the General said earlier The five men and their sticks were not blades, however. “What’s your opening move, Your Majesty?” the tea-drinker called out from his low seat. “I-” but he cut me off. “Do.” he took the fan off his tea table, raised and brought the fan down, and the five men attacked.

I stepped forward,  _ remember, thrust not lunge _ , and tried to bop one of them with the end of the scabbard. Didn’t work. He sidestepped it. “Very good!” came his tutor, who also happened to be my tutor. But I have range. I swung the blade from side-to-side, forcing all five to back up lest they get struck in the side. Like the tide, they fell back and came back in. So I took advantage of one man, one of the corner men, and went for his leg. He was swept over, and I took the chance to, in the same motion, plow  _ towards  _ him while swinging my large useless scabbard around to scare away the other four. Once past him, I heel-spun and raised my blade back to my usual guard stance. “Stop!” the General yelled. The attackers planted their shafts in the dirt and paused.  _ Oh no. He’s not happy.  _

Before I could say ‘now what’, he swiped a spear from the leftmost of the four. “What kind of stance is that?” I looked down at my hilt’s position, then back at him. “My guard stance.” “You going to swat a sky bison? Let’s see how you do” and despite being old enough to know what Azulon in his prime looked like,  _ first hand _ , General Song was more than capable. Before I could bring my scabbard down to block him, he took one step forward and poked my hand, which made me let go of the hilt and drop the scabbard. It hit the ground and he smiled while I felt my recent-est of soon to be bruises. Song knew the range of that stick. Both his hands were on the very end, more like grasping the pommel than the hilt if we’re to be analogous with swords, and the tip of the shaft was what struck my hand. “Do you need a healer?” he mockingly questioned. “No” I snapped back. “Good, Your Majesty. It would be bad if the Emperor was defeated by wood” and he tossed the stick back to the leftmost man and walked over to me. That walk made me get back into my ready stance. “Your usual guard stance won’t do anything.” He leaned over and picked up the scabbard. He mimicked my stance to perfection, hilt-posture and everything. 

“You can’t thrust from this” and he  _ slowly, _ possibly dramatically, tried stabbing air with it. “You’re not going to be blocking an incoming strike” and he waved over one of the men while swapping eye contact with me, then the man, then me, then the man. “From above!” the man brought his stick down and  _ almost _ hit the General’s head. Self control dictated that he didn’t. For Song’s part, he didn’t manage to bring the blade up in time. “From the sides!” and as the two traded sides, Song was incapable of blocking a sweeping strike. He then gave the soldier a head-bow and handed the hilt to me. “Remember, Your Majesty, it’s not that you can’t hold it, it’s  _ made  _ for you, after all. It’s that it can’t hold itself from that stance.” and he took his hands and moved mine to a much more reserved, protective, guard stance. The hilt was next to my head with the blade resting on my shoulder.

It’s just like  _ hasso-no-kamae _ . It’s nicknamed  _ Mu-zi-tai _ because the whole stance, footwork up to head, looks like a tree standing tall. The way the blade rests makes it look like a tree branch. Not because I’m the tree man. It just so happens to be that the tree man is the tree man. His reasoning for this rare stance, ‘When wielding a large weapon, you want to maximize the places you  _ can  _ go with it, since it’s not going to be as dynamic as the regular  _ jian _ .’ 

Is he a bad teacher for pounding this message into my mind by sending myself to the floor. Time and time and time and time again? No.  _ That’s why he’s a good teacher _ . I just slip up… sometimes. This aside, learning to use a weapon twice the size of most weapon’s you’ve used isn’t easy. Not that it’s my first instance with big weapons, I learned how to use a  _ katana  _ courtesy of my cousin, but it’s the first time I had such a  _ heavy  _ weapon to lug around. The katana’s so thin and twirlable. The  _ shuang-shao  _ is like picking up a tree log and swinging it around.  _ Back to the Emperor being defeated by five… I mean four… men… _

“Carry on” the General commanded, and the four men and I resumed our bout. The four approached with their not-spears, and by instinct I backpedaled since normally when four or five or three or two or any number of men approach me with spears, which are  _ spears _ , I don’t want to get skewered. “Remember! Use your range!” the General yelled from his tea stool.  _ When I win, I get to sit down _ . So I did just that. I brought my blade down and forced all four of them to raise their sticks to try and block this scabbard. I went back to the tree-guard stance, and the four hesitated for a brief  _ miao _ . But, as attackers are unfair and attack as a group not one at a time, they attacked me as a group, not one at a time.

So I used what would be the cutting edge of my  _ jian  _ to parry all four of their strikes. One parry done, I ‘stabbed’ one of the men in the chest and he voluntarily stepped backwards and sat down.  _ We’re not trying to kill you, just demonstrate being struck. Being struck may not kill, but that’s not the point of this lesson, is it?  _ Four became three. One went for my chest, the other two for my legs. I pretended to be a windmill and wound the scabbard around, blocking the two on the right. I then stepped to the right so the third would miss. I dragged the scabbard out and trailed down one of the attacker’s sticks, hitting him in the shoulder. Since my blade is a  _ blade _ , that would be a killing strike.  _ And… down to two _ . The third man backed up and gave us space.

I fell back into my tree-guard stance, but General Song yelled “Use your range! Offensively!” and I tried just that. The two tried to poke me, I pressed either aside with a small push of scabbard, and lunged forward, punching one of the men in the chest. He was down for now. This stick-user had a problem. I was partway down his shaft. But this man’s no fool, he elegantly drew the staff back and tried bopping me with it. I stepped to the side and blocked it. So he  _ swung  _ it at me. Wood hit gold trimming as we interlocked in what  _ would  _ be a sword-fight posture. Sword-fighting with sticks larger than any sword.  _ Well… most _ . I pushed his stick off but  _ as  _ I was in the middle of bringing my scabbard down on his right shoulder in a grand hacking motion,  _ like a logging axe _ , Song yelled “Stop! Stay right there!” 

He angrily put his tea cup down. Yes… I know that sounds ridiculous. He got up and walked over to the two of us. He felt the bottom of the scabbard, the area that’d strike this man’s shoulder, and commented “That’s not sharp.” Because I’m me, I asked “What do you mean?” and he easily disarmed me and took the hilt from my hands. The other soldier stayed in his about-to-be-struck stance. Song unsheathed the blade ever so slightly and suddenly grabbed the edge of it.  _ Oh, you old madman _ . “See?” and he smiled, pulled his hand back. No blood. It wasn’t cut in two by the black steel. It was just...a hand. “ _ This  _ is the not-sharp part. It’s for not sharp uses.” and he stuck the  _ jian  _ back into its sheath and handed it back to me as one piece. “But won’t I just bash his shoulder in?” and I head-nodded towards the last one standing. “Maybe. Maybe not. If you dent him I’m sure he’ll thank you after he’s done eating your good eyeball.” and the General poked the air, trying to poke out my eye except he restrained himself. The Aged General backed up. I got back into guard stance, as did my rival, and Song snapped the fan, directing us to begin our duel.

It was very short, since this man’s only as good as his peers  _ at dealing with rarely seen large weaponry _ . He tried to block my scabbard, it blocked my scabbard. I pulled back and blocked his shaft-strike, only to bop him in the chest with another one of these swing-and-strike combinations. They aren’t as varied as I may wish, but the momentum of my scabbard is always going to win on the downstroke or the side-strike, unless I’m facing a certain… class of opponents.  _ Or shields _ . With the last man down, General Song remarked, in newfound merriment, “That’s a good job, Your Majesty” and he bowed to I and the five defeated men. He walked to them, they lined back up, and stated “So, the five of you should probably get back to Imperially protecting Her Imperial Majesty, right?” 

I’d just spent the past morning and afternoon training with a couple dozen Imperial Guards, weaving their way in and out of the ‘get hit by the Emperor but not in a punitive way’ training cycle. Each one’s able to ride an earth wave if they so chose to, and their  _ dao  _ skills are perhaps unmatched among all organizations, anywhere. They’re also all in peak physical performance. As the General said, “Your Majesty is unfortunate enough to fight them. If you used this on almost anyone else, a simple downward strike would win.” He then chuckled, since, as I said to him, “You’re the one that picked them to fight me.” “I picked some reserves to  _ practice  _ with the Emperor, Your Majesty.” Because I would have killed roughly five hundred people,  _ that should give the idea of how many times each of these poor, poor, prodigies had to engage me _ , I was rewarded with… one cup of tea. Just one cup of tea. He smiled.“While drinking that tea, just pretend you wouldn’t have died twenty times.”  _ Of course. _ “I’m good at pretending, General. This is the Empire.” and we shared some belly aching laughter.

After a bit of tea-time, Song ordered “Bring out the targets!” since someone forgot to wheel out the  _ new  _ set of cuttable objects to replace the last set of cuttable objects. A few Imperial Guards, now dressed in their normal gold and green brigandine, wheeled and or carried out bundles of straw, suits of armor on ‘hay-men’, a couple suits of armor on the bodies of pig-sheep, and last and least, a massive bundle of bamboo. They placed these objects erratically across this plaza. There was a much bigger plaza to use  _ over there _ but Song has a preference for commanding his pupils from within tea range. And, who’s to judge the Aged General? He wants to drink his tea, he’s going to drink his tea.

My blade’s large scabbard was held by none other than the  _ yunjiwei _ , Song’s adopted son. Let me tell you, the parchment, that there’s nothing better than the almost wooden sound of pulling a much larger than it needs to be straight  _ jian  _ blade out of an exactly as large as it needs to be scabbard. It’s not  _ loud _ , but it’s audible. The black steel glistened and shimmered against the sunlight.  _ Oh, it’s a beautiful sound _ .

“First up, your worst foe, an armored pig-sheep!” announced the General, raising his fan and pointing it at a dead pig-sheep clad in armor. “Shouldn’t we be escalating the foes?” Zhu asked. “You kidding? In war, there’s no such thing. One  _ miao  _ you’re fighting a dozen naked men with spears in hand, the next you’re fighting some well-armored son of a noble ‘cause the noble’s busy being somewhere else.” Song, as always, spoke from what sounded like experience. And considering his age, he’s got a lot of it. So I walked over to this armored could’ve-been-dinner and raised my blade. I couldn’t have it hang above my head like a regular  _ jian _ forever. I  _ could  _ swing it and use my momentum. 

_ Slice _ . The pig-sheep was cut in two. “But you didn’t cut through the armor, Your Majesty!” the  _ yunjiwei  _ said in more of a shout than a statement. “That’s what armor’s for! Not being cut through!” his father reminded him. As intended, I cut the pig-sheep in two where the armor  _ wasn’t  _ present. Because I don’t want to dent a piece of metal that is almost never going to be reforgeable unless I melt down one of a few now Imperial treasures.  _ Toph’s arm, leg and hair bracelets and my collection of blades. And that’s it.  _

On to the other cuttable contents carried out here. The General and his tea instructed me, with a shout, “The bamboo bundle!” I was proud to walk around this small plaza  _ holding  _ the large  _ jian _ . I was proud-er to come upon that bundle of bamboo and look down on it with pity.  _ Your time of being whole is over. Prepare to be cut down to size! _ Was that a quote the playwright wrote? Was it a quote that resulted from my whiskey-less mind? I’m going with yes to one of those. Oh, and I also cut the thirty-some reeds of bamboo into sixty-some reeds. “Go chop up the leather armor!” the Aged General yelled from across the plaza.  _ Fine _ . 

I walked over to the armor and  _ swing _ , the blade cut a gap into the armor and through the hay-man’s shoulder. When I drew the blade back out, the straw snapped and the arm fell off. “He ain’t going to be getting up from that” the General joked, letting out an ‘ahh’ from “Good tea.” I kicked the hay-man over. “No, he won’t.” The General pointed at that and laughed like a drunk. “You’re right! He won’t!” then picked up his pitcher and poured more tea.

Some time chopping and stabbing through objects later, I stuck my  _ jian  _ through this one hay-man’s center and sawed my way out. Because that’s just how great this blade is. Then I swung and trimmed a whole forest,  _ okay that’s a bit dramatic _ , of bamboo down. Then I swung and cleaved right through the shoulder of a man clad in the average soldier’s leather tunic.  _ This blade will cut right through every last daofei on the continent, won’t you, blade? _ When I was done examining the gold leaf of the blade, I chopped right through a man’s side and cut the top part of a hay man off. When I eyed the plaza, everything was on the ground or in multiple pieces or both. 

“General, do you have anything else? Or is training done for the day?” The General put the tile he was placing down and stood up. “Training’s done for the day, unless you’d like to dispense some Imperial Justice, Your Majesty” “On what? Another roll of bamboo?” the  _ yunjiwei  _ asked, half-serious. “Ever heard of a Lei Tai, Your Majesty?” the General mused as he approached me. “Sure, they’re outlawed, but there’s also a hundred underground arenas in the Lower Ring that we know of.” The  _ yunjiwei  _ found that contradiction amusing or so it seems. Not that he showed it. I just… could tell by his eyes. He  _ did  _ find that funny. The General laughed because it’s true, and what’s truer is the ‘that we know of’, because this is the Empire, and there’s always more, somewhere. “Some  _ daofei  _ that were going to be executed later, but since you’re doing practice today, we could try some more… advanced lessons, if Your Majesty knows what I mean.”  _ You want me to fight them? _ “Come on, General. I’ve killed men before.” “Sure, but has Your Majesty’s blade?” I looked at the blade. A couple lines of straw had fallen onto the top of the blade at some point or another. “It hasn’t.” “Thus, no offense meant, Your Majesty, my point” and he bowed to the large blade. I sheathed it. 

But my plans to dispense some of that justice would have to wait. As my  _ yunjiwei,  _ the General and I walked east from the training grounds located between somewhere vacant and a house full of training equipment, I was set upon by a familiar face. “Look who it is,” the Kyoshi Warrior said, all formal in her tone. “ _ Look _ who it is” I countered, pointing at my one good eye. “How’s cutting practice?” and she looked the scabbard over. “I chopped up some of our worst enemies,  _ hay _ .” She giggled. “Oh, what a terrible foe! A thousand battles and we’ve barely scratched the surface.” and then she hugged me and I her. Almost being skewered by her headdress made me step back and go “You’re wearing your armor and everything.” She nodded. “I just spoke to your tutor, he had some… really good ideas.”

_ Tutor. My tutor. Who… tutor? Wait, no…  _ “The Imperial Tutor?” I asked, part hoping for a ‘yes’,  _ it’d mean she knows,  _ part hoping for a ‘no’, because…  _ Hakoda _ … all that… that’s all something that needs a more mature setting. “That was him, yes.” My tone changed. I tensely asked “What did he say?” and her optimistic attitude threw me off. “I think it’s a great idea to go to the Earth Islands and visit them all! Why didn’t you tell me?” I looked at Song and his not-son son and could only produce the simple excuse of “I’m going to go sit down and talk.” “As Your Majesty wishes” responded the General, and “Does Your Majesty want me to come along?” inquired the son.  _ This isn’t a discussion with the Imperial Tutor. But it may get personal _ . “No… Zhu… but thank you for the offer.” “As Your Majesty commands, I’ll be practicing over… there, if that’s allowed.” “It is.” 

I sat down in one of these open-air roofed corridors that lead from one building nobody uses to another building nobody uses. A few rich green curtains swung and swayed down the corridor from us. We were joined by a roving wolf-dog,  _ another  _ familiar face, who had taken to roving around the Imperial Palace Grounds doing as he wished before sniffing me out and tracking me down. And now, he was sitting on the wooden seat next to me with Suki on the other side. He rested on our laps, occasionally licking Suki’s chestplate. The affection was reciprocated to him, with her giving his forehead a bunch of kisses. When she tried scratching his head and he did nothing, I commented that “I don’t think he likes gloves.” So she took her  _ tekko  _ off and handed them to me. Then she took to scratching Nan’s ears and head and he rewarded her with happy licks. As I watched the two having fun, I was reminded of the Imperial Tutor by, of all things, a blue carpet with some famous duel between a man in blue and a man in green from long, long ago. It’s one of those murals that may be fictional, or it may be real. I know it well enough to go ‘that’s that duel, you know, that one, between those two, from six hundred years ago’, and if I wasn’t as distracted I’d probably remember the folktale. But I don’t know it well enough to tell the names of the characters or what they’re doing in the duel. As this was painted or designed  _ here _ , the green man wins. Nonetheless, this whole scenario made me think of the Imperial Tutor.

“So, what did the Imperial Tutor lecture you on?” She produced a scroll, a map, of the Earth Islands stretching from the eastern archipelago of the Southern Air Temple over to the Eastern Air Temple’s island chain. “He gave me some tips on where to go and who to meet” and she pointed at this map. I gave Nan a light push of convincing and a whisper to ‘please get off’ and he whined and moved over to sit on the bench with his head on my lap. “Give me a  _ fen  _ to look at this, alright?” “Go ahead. It’s big.”  _ It’s? Oh. The directions _ . 

There was an inky line that ran from Kyoshi Island,  _ I’d know that dot anywhere, _ down southwest to a dot on an island in the Southern Air Temple chain, further southwest to the Island of Yonaguni, then east to a dot on the southern side of Karokou. From that dot, a line through the center of the island to a northern dot. Then a line that crosses a bay of some sort to another dot. A line wraps around the northern coast before reaching the western tip of Linkou Island. The trail went along the northern coast and into the Straits of Beihai before going back south and stopping off at two different ports. The directions switch back and cross the Beihai Sea, or on this map, the South Sea, before stopping off at a large dot on the mainland. All together, this map has eleven dots, I believe.  _ I might’ve miscounted. Probably not _ . I rolled the map back up,  _ no I didn’t read the little location marks, what do you take me for, someone smart?,  _ and handed it back to Suki.  _ So… this is a real… list of places to visit _ . 

“You’ve got quite the journey ahead of you, cousin.” she smiled. “I do. I’ve got to go home, then island, town, town, town, on and on, you’d think I’d get tired of all the boating, or walking, but no!”  _ Town, town, town, town. They’re towns. I should’ve probably figured that one out _ . “Where’s this map taking you?” “The Earth Islands” “I’m not blind, Sukes.” She grinned. “I’m just check-” she poked my head, “-ing.” This time, I asked it more deliberately. With a little more enunciation to help. 

“ _ Where  _ are you going? And why?” My severity made her somewhat somber. Not a norm for her, but alas, these aren’t normal times. “Kyoshi Island, the valley town of Yarlung, the port towns of Yonaguni, Kwon, Yang, Hopi, Taroko, Nantou, Tonh, Shei-Pa and finally the city of Beihai.” She recited that with precision, each word trailing effortlessly off without a need to think the names through. I would be amazed, but she’s my cousin. “I’m sorry I can’t be as good at my memory as you, Sukes, but what are all those places? And  _ why _ ?” She grabbed her stomach and giggled. “Come on…  _ you _ … memory?” She swapped to an instructor's tone, “Quick! Name me all the commanderies between Omashu and the Gong Basili Pass!”

_ I… uh…  _ “There’s that place,  _ Anwar? _ ... then the town of Shantian in Xiejia, then Yahazhen, then Zaofu, right?” This made her burst into rowdy laughter. “Wrong! It’s Xiejia, Jiangcheng, Zaofu! Yahazhen’s to the east!” “Congratulations, you just proved my point,” and I head-bowed to her, gladly accepting surrender. “Don’t get yourself tied up like a pair of sarashi, you got two right and two wrong. That’s more accurate than most of the magistrates living there.”  _ Ha. Ha. Okay fine. You’re right. I accept that you’re right _ .

“As to why? The Imperial Tutor gave me a specific set of instructions.” “Yeah? You’re still being vague.” “I’m building up to them!” she countered, crossing her arms. So I countered that counter. “If he didn’t give you instructions you’d be going ‘Hey cousin, why am I going to…-” I did the splayed-palm-gesture at the map, “...those places?” She ‘tsk’-ed’ my logical statements away, as most people do. “He wants me to go to Kyoshi Island and tell Father about the Banner Army. Father and I will draw up the plans. I’ll take a boat southwest to this town on Sangria Island and sell them the idea. I’m told to meet the local sage, Hu-Hai. He’ll give me a room for as long as I need to write up the ‘Order of Imperial Protection’ from Kyoshi Island to the Bangoin Islands. From there-” “Wait!”  _ Stop, stop for a miao. I love it when you lecture me on intelligent things but...  _

“Yes?” she asked, like this was news to me.  _ Probably because it  _ was news to me. “What in the name of Kyoshi is an ‘Order of Imperial Protection’?.” She raised her finger, and, in her best teaching tone, said “The Minister of the Imperial Clan told me that, as a Princess, I had the right to issue Imperial Decrees on a-” 

I cut her off, snorting in laughter. “ _ Princess _ ?” She frowned. “You’re a Princess? Why… but if… but the past dynasty had lots of members...”  _ What is going on anymore? Suki is a Princess? I… what? Suki? Princess Suki?  _ “And this dynasty only has a couple. The Minister of the Imperial Clan informed me that due to the current monarchy’s support of egalitarian values, I would have equal footing to-” I interrupted her interest. “You can’t represent me on the field of battle!” She might’ve shown displeasure at my lack of courtly behavior, but I imagine that if she was in my boots, she, too, would have a bit of an emotionally unexpected - _ would that make it expected? _ \- reaction upon hearing such. That, and she’s naturally a calm person.  _ ‘Naturally’ _ . 

“I’m not representing you, Your  _ Imperial  _ Imperialliness,” and she grinned.  _ Nice sarcasm, did you pick that up from the Empress? Yes? I’m going to say yes _ . “I’m allowed to issue Imperial Decrees on a royal level. The Earth Islands are large enough to count as a royal territory. And unless I start betraying the realm, there’s no reason my rights would be taken from me. I am Suki, Princess of the First Rank!” “Oh you, the traitor!” I jested. “Right?” and she shoved me over enough to make Nan lift his head off my lap and woof a ‘Hmm?’ of questioning. Then, he chose to get up and woof a ‘does the tree need help?’ followed by Nan giving some help… licks. Lots of licks. 

On a more emotional note, “I’m very happy for your success.” I saw those tears of joy. I saw ‘em. Even with my one good eye, I saw them. I embraced her for a hug. Quietly, while the two of us hugged, “I’m going to do it. We’re finally going to do it… Kyoshi Island… the Earth Islands… we’ll be reconnected. An army, a navy, all in the name of our humble little island of some trees, some duck-geese-” but I let her bury her face, headdress cast aside so it doesn’t hurt anyone, in my shoulder. “-and some crazy locals” I added that last part. She choked up on the laughter. There we sat for a few minutes, just hugging. 

Since we were kids, we always dreamed of this. Of expanding Kyoshi’s Ethics so that everyone would have the freedom we had. We never really talked about it because it’s just something that was always at the back of our minds. It’s one of the reasons I came to like the Colonies so much, they were quite similar to Kyoshi’s Ethics. Kyoshi’s Ethics would’ve prevented Toph from being thrown into an arranged marriage. And yet… despite all this hugging...

I couldn’t help but throw a skeptical question or two into all this. “You’re going to go to each town and, what, sell them on the idea?” She shook her head,  _ I felt it with my chest _ , and chuckled. “No, no, all I have to do is go there and they’ll join the Banner Army.” “Where?” I asked. Me being an idiot,  _ it’s like back home, except we’re both Imperials _ , made her get out of the embrace, wipe a few tears off her face, and go back to her normal good spirits. Well… she was in good spirits, but these were less teary.

This is what she said: “Hu-Hai in Yarlung, Lady Cong-Ho on Yonaguni, then over to Karokou. On Karokou, a famous local named Yanmu in the commandery capital of Kwon, a man named Shen-Ping in the port town of Yang and this half-Fire Nation half-Islander named Nobumasa, in the port town of Hopi. East to Linkou, Gorota, commander of the town garrison in Taroko, Bieguta, attendant to Magistrate Kang-Cong in Nantou and Ju-Wei, brother of the Magistrate of Tonh in Tong. Finally, the Governor of Luzhu Island’s going to be throwing a wintertime feast in Shen-Pa and I’ll be meeting the island’s sages. When they’re all done, I’m going to go north to meet Guang of Beihai and bring him into the fold.” If that sounded like a bunch of names and associated locations with little in the way of a description, that’s because that was a bunch of names and their locations and little in the way of a description. 

“I’m sorry, who are all these people?” _I didn’t really hear everything you said._ “They’re either the officers of the garrisons, the sages, in two cases the Magistrates themselves, _or_ the relatives of the magistrates.” “I don’t understand, why not just meet the Magistrates and present some kind of Imperial Decree to them?” “Because the Imperial Tutor wants me to get to know this specific set of people. He says they’re all well-read on Kyoshi’s Ethics and that they’ll be expecting my arrival.” _That still didn’t answer my question. But… then again, that’s some classic tutelage by the Imperial Tutor._ _Go somewhere and get integrated first._ “Does he think you won’t be able to present the Decree to the Magistrates or something?” “No, no, he told me that there are two Magistrates who would oppose the Decree in private, and that in those cases, we’ll need to be prepared. And… that’s why I’ll be meeting these people. For every other major town, he said he’s prepared them to be welcoming of such reforms.” _He’s prepared them. What in the name of my holy ancestor does that even mean?_

The Imperial Tutor has ageless wisdom and loves being vague. Not because he’s mean, he just thinks we all think at his capacity when we’re all just people who don’t know anything. “So what’s your goal going to be?” I asked her instead, since  _ maybe  _ she’s let on more  _ assuming she knew more _ . She sat back and collected her thoughts. “First-” she raised her finger, “-I’ll have all these Magistrates officially agree that Kyoshi Island is the official capital of the Territory of the Earth Islands. The practical capital will be Karokou Island and all the bureaucrats will be redirected there.” I didn’t want to destroy that loveable smile of hers, but… “How… how are you going to do  _ that _ ?” She scratched her chin. “The Imperial Tutor claims that ‘the people’ he knows will do the groundwork, all I have to do is be the representative of Kyoshi’s Ethics.” “But you’re like…  _ eighteen _ ?” She snarkily replied “And you’re the Earth Emperor, so?”  _ You’re proving my point.  _ “What do you or I know about administrative  _ any-thing _ ? Killing’s easy, just stab, but setting up a new capital for a provincial island chain?” She nodded and that shut me up. 

“That’s why his allies will take care of that.”  _ Oh. Oh. So his allies are going to do it. That I believe _ . “So you’re telling me they’ll be reorganized into a new Regional capital instead of… where was it before?” “Nowhere.” “Right, right, of course. We’re the Empire after all. Decentralized needs to centralize.” She carried on. “After we do that, we’ll also bring all the standing forces of all the islands together. I can’t turn them into a Banner Army proper until the Council of Five comes up with a decision on exactly what that means, but the Imperial Tutor said that I should get everything else done first, so when an official notice arrives, I won’t have wasted any time.”  _ Right. Legal terminology is important. It’s part of making this legal _ . “You’ll be expecting me to go get the Banner Army idea solved, right?” “No, I expect you to give the Empress lots of very pleasing foot massages.” then she leaned in close to grin mischievously, “And after one of those, maybe an heir.”  _ Stop winking Sukes. I get it _ .  _ Really, I do. People keep telling me this like it’s my job. I mean… it is, but you know. _

She went back to the calm tone of earlier. “The  _ Imperial Tutor  _ anticipates that you and the Council of Five will come to a solution soon since the Fancun Rebellion’s shaken up the Imperial Army of the Center. According to him, ‘It turned General How into a vain little bride the day before her wedding night.’ To quote the Imperial Tutor again, ‘He’s afraid of finding out everything he thought was true was wrong.’”  _ I… can the Imperial Tutor not use those sayings? I… actually no, it’s the Immortal, he’s the only one who has the right to make that joke. He’s been around forever and has experienced forever. But… still… can he not? Well… what could we do, tell him off and die?  _ “So the Imperial Tutor wants me to fix the Banner Armies, then I’ll send you a letter with the official new Army plan, and you’ll implement it?” She somehow figured out my rambling and replied, in a happy tone, “That’s right!”

“After you establish the Banner Armies, why go to Beihai? In fact, why go to Sangria at all? That’s the Southern Air Temple’s lands.” “Beihai is because the land of Beihai has a large number of Kyoshi’s Ethics supporters. Born supporters. Many of them contributed clothing that’s now in that Palace over there.” and we both looked at the Palace. Nan rubbed his snout in my arm which I took as treat time. So I pulled a small treat out of my pocket and tossed it as far as I could. He bolted after it.  _ Yes! Go get it, Nan! _ . “And Sangria? The Imperial Tutor has a whole  _ other  _ map called ‘Buffer-lands’, designed to create defense-in-depth for Kyoshi Island.” 

“What? Defense-in-depth? Does he think Kyoshi Island is under siege?” I was aghast. Such a random statement. And yet, the mention of it made me go,  _ why does this sound so familiar? _ .  _ Kyoshi Island… under siege… hmm. _ Before I could figure out  _ why  _ it felt familiar,  _ note, I wasn’t faking it, that was familiar, I just didn’t know why then _ , Suki responded. “The Imperial Tutor proposed that a small force of aircraft and a naval detachment be posted there. Shall a force come up from the south, they’ll be attacked by the aircraft and the navy.” “Navy?”  _ We have a navy down there, but what does he think?  _ “He says there’s an aircraft carrier about to be launched from Datan. It’ll join up with ten new cruisers and a battleship out in the Feicui.”  _ Right. Aircraft carrier. I’ve heard about it before in the Memorials, I just… it’s not that relevant to the day-to-day.  _

“And he thinks I’m going to get this beast relocated to Kyoshi Island?”  _ If he does, I can’t perform magic, Imperial Tutor. I’m limited in my capacity to cause change. Being a nonbender and all.  _ She went wide-eyed with giggling. “What? No. He’s already getting the entire new fleet sent down there to train them on fighting pirates.”  _ Oh. I see. He’s just… he just does what he wants. Got it _ .  _ I… got it. He… do I even bother questioning his reasoning? No. If I do, he’s just going to do whatever he wants anyways. I… fine. He does serve the Line of Kyoshi, and giving more stuff to Kyoshi Island is… not something I’d refuse.  _

“And Kyoshi Island?” I had to ask. That  _ was  _ the most important, after all. “The Banner Army will outfit it with artillery pieces and anti-aircraft emplacements.”  _ Artillery pieces? Anti-aircraft?  _ “Does he think it’ll be besieged?” “I’m going to present Father with news. And an army. We’ll be… digging… bunkers into the side of Mount Rangi, to quote the Imperial Tutor, ‘There’s no such thing as over planning.’” When I heard her stutter from the thought of tearing up part of that sacred mountain, I  _ knew  _ she was about to cry. That’s one of her favorites… no, it probably  _ is  _ her favorite spot, anywhere in the Four Nations. 

“Come ‘ere”, and I gladly wrapped my arms around her once again to let her take some deep breaths and relax. “Nobody’s tearing up  _ our  _ homeland.” “We… we won’t. He demanded we don’t. All documents have a policy… ‘not a single tree shall be uprooted’. But… but…” she sniffled, “...under  _ siege _ . He says-” I interrupted her, rubbing my hand through her hair. “It’s okay, Sukes. It’s okay.” “I wanted you to come along, but he says you’re needed up here.” “ _ Am  _ I needed up here?” I counter-asked, hoping for  _ her  _ opinion. “He said you have to get the Banner Armies done, and lead the Imperial Army in the upcoming conflicts.”  _ Upcoming conflicts? What conflicts?  _ I was distracted by my cousin looking gloomy.  _ There, there, Sukes. It’ll be okay _ . 

“It’s okay Suki. You’re finally given the responsibility you always wanted, right?” “But leading an entire  _ region _ ? That was always  _ your  _ thing.  _ You  _ were trained to be the charismatic leader.”  _ I was… when I attended classes. But… so were you… and Sai. We were all given that training. I’m just the one non Warrior, so I stand out _ . “Believe me, Sukes. As long as your advisors  _ aren’t  _ morons, it’s not as hard as you think.” She pulled out of the shoulder-pressing with tears strewn across her face. But she was less...anxious than before. “ _ You’ve got such terrible advice, cousin _ ,” she said while sniffling. I smugly smirked. “I know.” Then she headbutted me in the chest. “Such terrible, good advice. Please never stop being you.” I head nodded. “I follow the Empress. The Empress likes me as I am.” “Ha. Not ‘likes’ enough, or you’d-” “Shush” I put a finger on her mouth. 

“Suki, I don’t say this enough, but I trust you enough to know you won’t mess this up.” Her tone shifted to be one of comical, almost hysterical, laughter. “No, normally you just trust me.” “Well this time, there’s slightly bigger stakes.” “Oh, I see.” and she stood up. “You think I’m not going to do it ‘cause my boots are  _ just  _ a bit smaller than yours?” I was shook from the whiplash, but that’s to be expected from the banter, I suppose. I  _ also  _ stood up and tried to look down on her. It was hard to do since she’s almost exactly my height. But I tried. “ _ Yes _ ” I seriously not-seriously replied. “Well you’d be  _ wrong _ . I’m the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors.  _ There’s nothing that can stop me _ .” and she put her fist and her palm together and glared at me with that competitive glare of hers. 

“I’m scared to stop you.” “Be scared.” and like  _ that _ the two of us hand our palms together. Each of us tried to shove the other one backwards. Our feet were somewhere between an ostrich horse-stance and a front-stance. Both leaning forward, eyes,  _ or one good eye _ , squinting with  _ intent _ . She’d press me, I’d press her. Each one put their bodyweight into it, grunts and all. Because we’re Kyoshi Islanders. And Kyoshi Islanders don’t know how to give up. And we didn’t give up.  _ Oh, we did not give up _ . 

“Be happy I’m your blood” I taunted her while trying to shove her. “You’re right, you’re the only person I can make fun of.”  _ Oh, you…  _ I braced against her shove. “Watch out, the legendary duelist, the One-Eyed Badgermole, he’s going  _ down _ . And against a nonbender, no less!” The two of us shoved together and went nowhere. “Everyone! Look at my cousin! Her legendary squinting  _ will  _ go down in the history books.” “Everyone! Look! My cousin only sees half of what he should, so he won’t see this!” and she tried to shove me back. I braced and held my ground. “My cousin may be the Emperor, but he’s going to be  _ Imperially  _ defeated!” and she pressed me back. 

My boots slipped up a bit, but I stepped forward and counterattacked. Nan joined the fray in a spectatorial setting, watching the two of us chittering humans as we taunted one another. Eventually, just as I thought I was about to win, Suki beat me in a brute-force shove-off, sending me backwards and onto the grass,  _ and the flat of my back _ . “Good try, cousin.” and she helped me up. Despite our fight, we never were going to kick the other, because while we might be Kyoshi Islanders, and crazy, we are Kyoshi Islanders, and crazy. We grew up being fair. Justice is repaid with justice. Bravery with bravery. Honor with honor. An evil act does not make a past good act bad, nor the other way around. Evil is paid with evil, good with good. And… Nan’s licks are rewarded with head scratches for Nan. 

“Suki, as it’s your last night, what do you want to do with it?” Because she was sweating, or maybe because she was smiling like a happy young woman, she wasn’t as...honorable, as normal. “I’d say spend a night with my Prince.”  _ Your Prince. Sokka.  _ “Do you… did the Imperial Tutor tell you about… the Southern Water Tribe?”  _ Okay great now I’m the one about to cry _ . “He told me that they’ve personally wronged us, and that they might raid us. But Sokka isn’t like them. He’s Sokka. My loveable goofy Sokka.”  _ And he’s going to be the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe one day _ . I couldn’t bring the energy up to tell her. I just… couldn’t. Because while my blood gets hot, hers boils. While I’m reckless, she’ll be twice so in the defense of her blood or her beliefs. As has been demonstrated over our lifetime of sibling… siblingness. And… I can’t tell her. If the Imperial Tutor doesn’t want to tell her, for some reason, I won’t do it. “Can we… do something… more Kyoshi Islander, for the last night?” “I’ve got just the idea!” she yelled, suddenly aflame with an idea.  _ Oh no. Happy Suki. What kind of insanity are we about to wander right into?  _

  
  


“Take this!” and the Captain of the Kyoshi Warriors tossed the owner a purse of coins. He opened it and  _ shrieked _ . She then spun around, two cups in hand, and roared “Ten rounds for everyone! From now ‘till dawn!” and the entire tavern shouted “Princess Suki! Princess Suki!” The whole corner of the tavern set aside for us mocked her title. “Our Cap’ns a Princess. I thought I’d never see the day,” the younger Koko said. Then she looked at me and winced in cheesiness. “Sorry, Your Majesty. I kind of forgot about-” I cut her off. “What, the rebellion?” and I looked at her friends’ wincing, then realized she meant my eye, and pointed at the missing gap and laughed at it. “It’s okay, we all forget to  _ see  _ some things, sometimes.” When I gave them that ‘older brother forcing you all to laugh’ laugh, they all laughed. The bottles of Clear Whiskey imported from Kyoshi Island,  _ we only accept the best _ , were stationed in the middle of each table. We raced to grab them and pour drinks for ourselves. Whoever did grab the bottle would then pour everyone else’s cups. 

When all our cups were poured, “What do we toast to?” asked one of the girls, Koko the older, already having had a cup. “To the Empress, to Her Imperial Majesty!” I offered. “To Kyoshi Island!” cried Aoma. “No, no” the Captain arrived at our tables, earning a round of applause. A round of “Princess!” shouts and laughs at the title. 

“First,” and Suki put her foot down on the table. The entire room looked our way. “To Her Imperial Majesty!” and the tavern cheered “Hear Hear!” Since I got what I wanted to hear, I went with the shout first. I am the Emperor after all. “To Her Imperial Majesty! To the Empire!” As I hoped, the tavern yelled out “Ten Thousand Years!” and we all punched the air,  _ softly, we didn't want to spill any _ , at the same time. Then we downed our  _ first  _ round of Clear Whiskey. Our first round. “Ten Thousand Years!” the girls cheered, too. Or… the ones that weren’t already drinking did. 

The girls talked about many things, most among them, going back home to visit their families. Most of these women haven’t seen their younger sisters or brothers or their parents in a year at best. For most, it’s been almost two years since they went back there. The new naming convention of ‘Princess’ was still a point of entertainment for most girls. “Suki?  _ Our  _ Suki? A Princess?” one said causing the others to break into similar chuckles. Kikyo added in “If  _ she’s  _ a Princess, what does that make Sai?” and the other girls laughed. “Oh by Kyoshi, poor Sai. She’s a Lady  _ and  _ a Princess.” one of the others inputted. Koko, the older one, raised her cup and called “To Princess Sai! May she be as adorable and deadly as we last remember her!” and the other girls added in with “Hear hear!” and Suki and I mutually added in a “Hear hear!” with me adding “Let’s hope she doesn’t hear that!” and the table chuckling.

About three drinks later, Suki had some  _ new  _ statements to hand out. “I’d like to call a toast to my  _ favorite  _ brother of mine!” and she bopped the side of my shoulder with her half-filled glass. “I’m not your brother” I replied, quenched enough for the night. “Yeah, you are!” she countered with eloquence. The other girls joined her. One even said “To the best relationship, a sibling one! To brother and sister!” and the other girls joined in with their approval. Koko the younger threw in a “To always having eachother's backs!” and get this, Suki grabbed my back. Before we knew it, my arm was around her neck, resting on her shoulder, and her arm was around mine and resting on my shoulder. “To our backs!” Suki punched the air and caused the liquid to go flying.  _ It’s well meant _ .

To preface this: One of the Kyoshi Warriors, Aoma, wrote a song based on a tune we all knew growing up. I was too busy to learn the lyrics, so the rest of the Warriors sang it. I merely hummed along. Presenting, Aoma’s ‘A World of Our Own’:

  
  


_ Close the doors, light the lights. _

_ We're stayin' home tonight, _

_ Far away from the bustle and the bright town lights. _

_ Let them all fade away. _

_ Just leave us alone. _

_ And we'll live in a world of our own. _

_ We'll build a world of our own _

_ That no one else can share. _

_ All our sorrows we'll leave far behind us there. _

_ And I know you will find _

_ There'll be peace of mind _

_ When we live in a world of our own. _

_ Oh my love, oh my love, _

_ I cried for you so much. _

_ Lonely nights without sleeping while I longed for your touch. _

_ Now your lips can erase _

_ The heartache I've known. _

_ Come with me to a world of our own. _

_ We'll build a world of our own _

_ That no one else can share. _

_ All our sorrows we'll leave far behind us there. _

_ And I know you will find _

_ There'll be peace of mind _

_ When we live in a world of our own. _

_ We'll build a world of our own _

_ That no one else can share. _

_ All our sorrows we'll leave far behind us there. _

_ And I know you will find _

_ There'll be peace of mind _

_ When we live in a world of our own. _

The song pulled the tavern in. Soldiers, servants, men and women, young and old, came together to sing the chorus.

_ And I know you will find _

_ There'll be peace of mind _

_ When we live in a world of our own! _

The crowd broke into loud applause. 

“Very good humming, Your Imperial Imperialiness!” one of the girls remarked, earning a smile from me. Then the girls grabbed their refilled cups and one yelled “To being Kyoshi Islanders!”. Another added in “Family first!”another threw in “All Kyoshi Islanders are family!” and one more shouted “All Kyoshi Warriors are family!” And like that, Suki shouted that “You’re all my adopted sisters!” and the girls cheered. I, being more sober, neglected to comment. I, uncontrollably grinning seeing my cousin sing, hum and dance with her girls, wasn't going to say anything.  _ Let us have our night of fun, Spirits _ . 

At one point, she took me and the two of us spun around, trying to wrestle  _ while  _ spinning. What were we dueling over? “Which of us is the better dance-duelist!” The other tavern goers didn’t know whether to be kowtowing and super formal, or to treat us like people. When I shouted “We’re Kyoshi Islanders! We’re born crazy!” Many of the tavern goers took to, very politely,  _ no really, _ giving us the room to spin around and be idiots. A sparring contest… while inebriated. If this was in a different part of the city, most of those men might have other ideas in their minds. But most of the people drinking here are the Imperial Guard or off-duty servants, courtiers, and so on, and they’re better than that. The one exception is my  _ yunjiwei _ , who accidentally stopped being formal when one of my adopted sisters started flirting with him. And no, it wasn’t Ty Lee. She’s spending a night at the Fire Lord’s. She’s coming along, but Suki deemed her too incapable of handling a drink to join us. Unlike Suki, of course, who had five cups and was  _ about  _ to pass out. But didn’t.  _ Because we’re Kyoshi Islanders _ .

It was the middle of the middle of the night when we finally exited this Upper Ring establishment. The tavernkeep was ecstatically happy at both the payment and the press we’d get for him. Not that I was that aware of it then, I was helping one of the Warriors walk back to the carriage and get in. I think a painter might’ve drawn about twenty Kyoshi Warriors dancing. Dancing on tables. Dancing on chairs. Dancing on the floor. Whacking each other with their fists, but not really. We did  _ so so  _ much, and sadly, most of it’s just a fog to me.

We got back to the Imperial Palace Grounds. Seeing the tall golden structure changed the atmosphere of the entire carriage. Suki  _ was  _ excited and dancing and cheery and treated this like the night that would never end. But the moment she set her eyes upon the large Imperial Palace, it made her border on crying. Getting out of the carriage and being greeted by two rows of silent Imperial Guards… seeing the carriage convoy, over  _ there _ , near the Avatar’s Guest House, waiting for the group of girls to get in. That was… it hurt her. 

She had enough energy to order a “Girls! Get your belongings… in the trucks! Now!” and the Kyoshi Warriors, for all they were intoxicated, weren’t as intoxicated as I thought. They went to do just that.  _ They were just acting wild. No… they were just acting like teenagers _ .  _ It’s not inebriation, they’re just… they’re just teenagers being teenagers. Spinning around and dancing is what we should be doing _ .  _ Not leading armies and mass reformations _ .

As the Kyoshi Warriors, one by one, loaded their hefty bags of supplies, mostly souvenirs from Ba Sing Se, one girl, the very same Aoma, stopped and pulled a small scroll out of her belongings. She handed it to me and explained herself as “It’s a music scroll, ‘The Hymns of a Homesick Warrior.’ I just finished writing it. I wanted you to have the original.” and I shed a tear as I skimmed it,  _ it includes the song from earlier _ , rolled it back up and stuck it into my waist. Of the entire detachment sent here, I had ordered they all go home. They wanted to stay, but I wanted them to go back home and visit their families. And visit  _ mine _ . I wanted them to accompany Suki, since I had a small army protecting me. 

Nan was the first to say goodbye to Suki. He woofed, woofed, took multiple kisses to the forehead and scratches all over, and whined when she stopped petting him. Then Toph arrived with a bit less fanfare than usual. The herald announcing her titles, her sliding down a staircase, the Imperial Guards parting for her… all that. She offered Suki some funny words, “You’re a great Kyoshi. Thanks for being so honest,  _ Princess  _ Kyoshi”, but otherwise backed off. 

Even she could sense we needed  _ this  _ moment. 

The two of us took to grabbing the other and embracing. Embracing really tightly. “Go give the Empress an heir. Give the  _ Empire _ an heir. I want an adorable little niece or nephew.” She was saying that, a joke, to cover up her crying. I felt the tears on my bare neck. I felt her messy hair. I felt the tension rippling through us. “Stay safe out there, cousin.” I whispered to her. “I… I’ll try. But… I’m worried about you.” and she sniffled some of her crying. 

She managed to pull out the energy to whisper to me. “He says a night that never ends could be coming. The waterbenders… he says ‘the Age of the Monarchies will end’. I…” she grabbed my queue and my neck and  _ gripped  _ it tightly, forcing an ‘ow’ out of me. “I don’t want to lose you,  _ brother _ . I don’t…” “I don’t want to lose you either,  _ sister _ .” 

“Remember your ethics. And...don’t die.” she pulled out of the hug, and she didn’t bother wiping the tears off her makeupless face. I punched the air with my fist. 

“Kyoshi’s Ethics until the bitter end!”, I yelled. “Until the bitter end!”, she replied.

One more tight hug... and that was it.

I couldn’t bear to watch the carriage ride away. I sat down and cried.  _ May we meet here again in a year _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, hard work breeds results. After Sunan and Xishan, it's about time for some military reformations!
> 
> An Appendix on The Unexplained:  
> -The chapter title, explained: It's always been the dream of Mori and Suki to spread Kyoshi's Ethics.  
> -We join Mori in the middle of his daily sword practice. Recently, it's been with the shuang-shao jian. Why? I think it's important to let us experience a little bit of his training once in a while.   
> -Hasso-no-kamae: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hass%C5%8D-no-kamae  
> -The 'tree stance' is closest to the European 'sword resting on shoulder' stance used with various longsword designs. For reference, the shuang-shao Mori wields is longer than most 'long swords'. It's longer than most long swords ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longsword ) but shorter than most Claymores or Zweihanders. This is why he needs a weapon-bearer, since the scabbard of a claymore/zweihander is too large for anyone to wear all day.   
> -Mori's martial training can last hours.   
> -Places Suki's going to:   
> -Kyoshi Island, Kyoshi Island  
> -Yarlung, Sangria Island, Southern Air Temple  
> -Yonaguni, Yonaguni Island  
> -Kwon, southwestern Karokou Island  
> -Yang, north-central Karokou Island  
> -Hopi, northeastern Karokou Island  
> -Taroko, western Linkou Island  
> -Nantou, northwestern Linkou Island  
> -Tonh, north-central Linkou Island  
> -Shei-Pa, western Luzhu Island  
> -The port City of Beihai, Beihai (on the mainland).  
> -Suki's title as 'Princess of the First Rank' is based on the Qing dynasty system. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_and_noble_ranks_of_the_Qing_dynasty#Female_members )   
> -Lao Ge's 'planning for a siege' sounds familiar to Mori because he dreamed of it in a previous chapter (Gone to a Play, Try Again Later)  
> -'A World of Our Own', credit to the Seekers. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSxwqBJLU8A
> 
> -One of the last lines... that's not the first time it was said in this story.


	81. The Formation of the Banner Army

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Banner Armies are finally, officially, created!

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Seven:

_ ‘I humbly advise that you have the Earth Islands unified and turned into a Banner Army.’  _ Amidst a sea of other remarks, namely revelatory ones and omniscient notations on the state of the realm,  _ no, the state of the world _ , the Imperial Tutor was adamant from the moment I met him  _ as an Emperor _ to reform the Imperial Army. He was absolutely determined. He gave me counsel…  _ his  _ kind of counsel… about legacies and peasantry. He sent me up to Xishan to reform the Northern Tribes into a fighting force capable of stopping the Water Tribes. I got a vassal state instead. He predicted the rebellion. He…  _ sent Suki away _ … to reforge the Earth Islands. 

_ Suki _ . That whole night plagued me with the inability to sleep. I just laid in bed, looking up at the pitch black ceiling. The Empress tossed and turned, fighting an imaginary battle to either  _ have  _ a blanket or kick said blanket off. One  _ fen  _ she wanted the blanket, the next, it was too warm for her. I couldn’t sleep. I just watched her fight a losing battle against nothing, nothing at all, because she really wanted a blanket and yet also didn’t. Had she been laying on my chest like she normally would, she’d have been woken up far earlier than usual. Instead, I grabbed her a real pillow and let her rest on that. For most of the night, I couldn’t move. Or… I didn’t  _ want  _ to. My hair was trapped under one of her hands. When she mumbled for a blanket, I pulled one of the silken ones off the nightstand and -kind of- threw it onto her. Did she recognize that it was my act? No. Because she had fallen asleep.  _ What does a blind person dream of? How does a blind person have dreams?  _ I tried to distract myself with the thought, but it didn’t work. 

_ I  _ had a dozen competing thoughts for my dreams. All of them were quite visual. Everything from making Kyoshi’s Ethics the official religion of the Empire to fighting wars against different peoples. All these dreams, and no time to do any of them. My quiet, unsettling,  _ the darkness can hide many things _ , meditation was stopped when the Empress threw one of her hands onto my chest.  _ Ow.  _

“ _ Someone _ ’s awake.” she said in a potent mixture of exhausted and Toph-concerned. Also known as annoyed in tone but well meaning in intent.  _ Nobody gets it because nobody gets to spend that much time with her _ . “Yes, I’m awake” I replied, groggy. For my ‘meditation’, my reflection was never fully conscious, but I was never asleep. I was looking around, but I wasn’t ‘awake’ per se. The twilight between asleep and awake was where I tread. “Why are you awake?” she asked a reasonable question.  _ It’s not like she knows what worries me _ . “I’ve had a rough sleep.”  _ No, wrong wording _ . “That’s a lie.”  _ Thus, my point _ . Now, lying to the Empress is a capital offense, but between the two of us, I suffer even worse. “Why is that a lie?” she asked, sharply. 

I reworded my statement. “I never went to sleep.” “Why didn’t you sleep?” but before I could give an answer, “It’s your cousin, isn’t it?”  _ I…  _ “Yes. It is.”  _ It’s a big part of it. Suki’s a great advisor. No Sukes, no reasonable person to bounce all my ideas off of that isn’t the Empress. Suki… someone who I don’t realize I need by my side for advisory purposes until she’s gone and off on her own quest _ . 

The Empress shuffled herself towards me. “Kyoshi, when you care about someone, you just have to let them go off on their own.” _What? You… you’re giving me advice on caring about people? I… did not expect that_. “That’s a weird statement for a person who is self-proclaimed to not care about anyone except herself.” _Ow. Why did you just headbutt my chest? Wait, don't answer, it’s because I said the wrong sentence_. “That’s a weird statement for-” she put a hand on my mouth. “Kyoshi, the more you talk the more you’re going to eat your own words.” _I…_ I closed my mouth. Toph’s right, of course. I can’t win a verbal debate with someone who doesn’t believe in rules and can redefine _the_ rules at a moment’s notice. “What kind of care do you think I have for her?” _Okay genius, that was a great way of phrasing it_. 

“She’s your cousin, you worry about her safety.” _Wait, you weren’t going to go after me for bad phrasing? No? What?_ “You must be exhausted, or you’d be cracking Pu-On Tim jokes right about now.” “I can _start_ doing that, but I thought we were having a grown-up conversation. And also, the sooner I get you to sleep, the sooner _I_ get to sleep.” _Classic Toph. She could do it, but she’d rather go to sleep_. “No, no, we’re having a grown-up conversation!” I insisted, sounding much like a child. She giggled. “I wish I could see your reaction.” _Yup. I sounded like a child. Well done to me_. “I can’t see yours or I’d gladly reciprocate.” _I’m aware that statement doesn’t make sense._ “You can’t? Why?” she asked this with a genuine wonder, as opposed to her usual sarcastic one. “It’s… dark in here. The lanterns are all blown out.” “Oh.” _Right. She can’t see that it’s dark in here_. “It’s _always_ dark for me, you don’t hear me complaining about it.” I tried to raise my finger to disagree, but she was lying down on my off-hand. 

I was still curious of what she said earlier. So I tried asking, softly, “How do you know so much about letting those you care about go off on their own?” “I’ve learned  _ some _ things since I sat down on that gigantic uncomfortable chair out there.” and she took her hand off my chest and pointed… somewhere.  _ It’s not like I can see it _ . “Like what?” I asked, since pronoun dueling isn’t fun. “There are people I cared about, but they had to go do things. I put myself in their stupidly limiting shoes. If they attached me to them, I wouldn’t be able to go do what I love.”  _ That’s… surprisingly mature of you. _ I took a guess at what ‘she loved to do’. “Teaching metalbending all year?” “That, Lord Qiangyang, and going for leisurely strolls wherever I want.”  _ Yep. Guessed it _ . “You’re right.” “I know I’m right. That’s why I say words. And if I’m wrong, I’ll just make myself correct because I  _ am  _ the law.” Toph’s the only person who can make me seriously chuckle.  _ No, wait, Suki can as well _ . “Who do you care about that’s had to go do things?” 

Toph sidetracked my question for reasons I can’t possibly know because…  _ it’s dark in here and we’re both tired _ . “Are you going back to sleep any time soon?” she asked, now less soft and more with a pinch of a commanding tone. “Why would I? I’ve a lot on my mind.” She yawned. “I’m  _ me _ , any problems you have I can solve.” My hands were free to rub her hair, if nothing else. So I did that. And was greeted with a few soft affirmations that what I was doing was pleasing. Instead of leaving her previous statements as is, like most people would do, and take to enjoying some midnight intimacy, I  _ wanted answers _ . “When you say ‘solve’, do you mean execute people?” “I was thinking more along the lines of feeding them to Lord Qiangyang.”  _ Okay then.  _ “Toph, you know you can’t just lob off the heads of everyone you don’t like, right?” and I balanced this serious point out with some graceful hair stroking. “I can, though. I  _ can  _ arrest people who go against the Badgermole Throne. Or go against us.”  _ ‘Us’ _ .  _ Am I losing my mind, or is this something she rarely says? It’s probably sleep deprivation _ .

I took a deep breath. “Toph… my issues aren’t related to chopping anyone’s heads off-” but she interrupted me, “You mean feeding to Lord Qiangyang.” I continued, “-or that, yes. They’re about reforming organizations to try and futureproof the Army. Learning from past mistakes to-” but she cut me off with a yawn. “ _ That’s  _ what’s keeping you up? Boring political stuff?” she opted to throw the pillow off and lie down on me proper.  _ Yes. ‘Boring political stuff’.  _ “Yes.” “So… get it done?” I groaned from the… inaccuracy of that simple request of hers.  _ We have bureaucracies… stupid bureaucracies. Stupidly efficient ones _ . “Toph…” “Yes?” she answered instantly. 

“You remember the whole Banner Army idea?”  _ I hope you do _ . “Of course I do, you keep yammering about it in your sleep.”  _ Oh. Wait. Wouldn’t that wake you up and make you get annoyed at me for waking you up?  _ I didn’t ask that.  _ There’s enough distractions as is _ . “Well… that’s what I’d like to do. I want to go discuss it with the Council of Five. But I’m nervous.” Toph had moved her hands so one rested on my collarbone, one just to the side.  _ She’s lying on me _ . “Why are you so nervous?” she asked, her tone climbing towards elation. “Convincing them is hard. I’m just  _ me _ .” Toph busted into laughter. “You’re kidding! You’re you! Why didn’t you say so?” and she rolled off me, got off the bed, and stood up. “What are you doing?” I asked, amazed. “I order you get this done” she replied. 

An attendant kindly came inside, lit the lantern, then left, all in under a  _ fen _ . Just after she left… “Kyoshi! Here’s something to write on” and Toph tossed a piece of parchment at me. Because she’s not that good at tossing,  _ and it’s parchment _ , it flapped and swayed like a leaf before falling to the ground. “It’s the middle of…  _ it’s dark in here _ , Toph.” As I  _ really  _ should have expected, she took to waving a hand in front of her face.  _ But… if it’s dark, I can’t see you doing that. I mean, I can, but I also can’t _ . She walked around until she found what she was looking for: the Imperial Seal, resting on my writing desk. She felt it and the stack of papers and the little ink capsule I used for writing. “Kyoshi, I can’t write. You’ll have to do this” and I decided that  _ maybe  _ now was the right time to get up, before she chucks a large jade block at me. So I got up. Nan was probably having a nice sleep, too, until the Empress wandered over to him -I guess it takes me _ that  _ long to get up- and gave him a couple head pats. He whined in happiness and took to licking her legs, which made her squeal in delight. Toph, Empress of the Earth Empire and lover of animals. Except sky bison.

When the poets write of what the Empress and her Imperial Consort, the Emperor, are doing in the middle of the night, it’s probably not this. Likewise, I’m quite certain those poets can’t imagine that the Empress’s sleepwear is about the same as any Middle Ringer’s. An off-green camisole and dark green short shorts. Or that she has long messy hair flowing down to her elbows, at best. Though, with bed-hair, it’s more like ‘flows wherever it wishes’. It’s just not as poetic to describe her like that. Me and my blue pants and no shirt -because the robe fell off- is  _ also  _ not as poetic… well not as poetic for the Upper Ring poets. Travel somewhere else, the poetry changes. In the Lower Ring, they’d take great enjoyment in hearing that we wear simple clothes. All this is a great preface for the two of us ‘doing something in the middle of the night’. 

I drew up the orders for the ‘Creation of the Banner Armies’, a letter that gave a  _ very  _ simplified command of ‘Creating regional armies using the examples set by the Sunan Riders and Xishan Hunting Parties’. “Okay Toph, you can stamp it now.” Being Toph, she stamped my leg instead. I could only swivel my head to the left and glare with a “What? Why my leg?” accompanying that glare. Because the tone sounded like a man being involuntarily castrated, she snorted in laughter. “Why not?” was her logical reply. Then I took her hands,  _ slowly, slowly, _ and  _ adjusted _ her aim so she’d strike the parchment. With a massive red-scripted seal, this would be all I needed. Theoretically. 

“Thanks Toph. You’re quite literally the best.” Before I could even, I don’t know, kowtow to her in gratitude, she tossed herself onto the bed and said “I’m  _ still  _ tired!” before fumbling for a blanket and rolling herself up in it.  _ Oh, Toph _ . To offer gratitude in the only way I know how, I walked over to the bed and properly tucked her in. “If you needed someone to-” the faint silhouette of a figure snapped back “I don’t need anyone to  _ anything _ Kyoshi! I need to sleep!”. Before I could react, she sat up, flung the blanket off, and hammerfisted me right in the shoulder. Then she fell backwards, landed on my pillow, found my robe and used it as a blanket…  _ that’s where my robe is _ … and fell asleep.

“May I ask what troubles Your Majesty?” the attendant asked as I walked into the Consort’s Bedroom.  _ What?  _ “Why?”  _ Shouldn’t it be obvious? She can read your mind. Obviously _ . “It’s only  _ Sigeng  _ and two  _ dian _ , Your Majesty.” She walked over to a closet and pulled out a new Imperial Informal outfit since the old one’s pants have the Imperial Seal marked on them and the robe is… currently being cuddled like a pillow by the Empress of Ten Thousand Years and trying to take a robe away from her is like trying to take something away from Lord Qiangyang. Back to relevancy, I asked “What’s that in-”  _ don’t say normal people time, you’re the Emperor _ , “-day or night...time?” “It’s the middle of the night, Your Majesty. Sunrise is in approximately six  _ dian _ .”  _ Thanks, that’s really helpful _ . 

To circle back around to the original inquiry, “Nothing troubles me, my lady. I’ve got a busy morning ahead of me.” She raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Any requests on clothing, Your Majesty? Sadly, the latest Imperial Summertime Robe styles aren’t in yet.”  _ It’s not even summertime _ .  _ Right? Wrong? _ “I’ll take my military uniform.” Next thing I knew, I heard a loud jangling sound and involuntarily raised my hand, “No, no, not  _ that _ ! Just a uniform. A regular General’s uniform.” “As Your Majesty wishes.” and the jangling ‘Jewelry Store’ got put back in a closet somewhere.  _ You’re the one that named that, Sukes _ . 

I departed the Consort’s Bedroom wearing a similar uniform to what every other Lieutenant General or General wears. Granted, they all have the right to customize as they wish, and some like to dress fancier than others,  _ ahem, Jian,  _ but this is the ‘standard’ uniform, the base. Except, unlike their uniforms, mine is blue-green in color. Oh, and I’m also carrying a new pair of scabbards.  _ Pair _ . Two matched  _ jian _ , forged from the same fragment that broke off before impact. Each one had the same simple-yet-exquisite scabbard. Simple in the lack of ceremonial gems, exquisite in the colors used. Earth coins on either  _ jian _ ’s hilt, with sheaths of Kyoshi Island Blue. I was joined by a bodyguard of two Imperial Guards because…  _ the Kyoshi Warriors went home _ . At least Nan came along, quietly prowling behind the two of us. I found a kowtowing courtier, the halls are mostly empty at this time of night, and ordered him “Get me my ostrich horse, I’m riding for the Council of Five’s Tower.” The man kowtowed, I gestured for him to get up, he rose, and shuffled off down the hall. I thought I’d have a peaceful, quiet, night. Thought.

A man in courtly robes and a wispy long white beard walked out from behind a corner. I immediately recognized that snow-colored skin and that unsettlingly calm smirk of. “Imperial Tutor.” I offered him a bow. He kowtowed. Despite his  _ advanced  _ age, he was still more than capable of getting on his knees and bopping the ground in less time than most courtiers. “Your Majesty, I just happened to be out practicing my calligraphy, may I give you some advice?”  _ What? Calligraphy? You? Practicing? You smell of alcohol most of the time.  _ I didn’t even think about his sentence not making any sense. “By all means, Imperial Tutor.” 

“Proactivity now will ensure peace tomorrow.”  _ Oh, okay then. Straight into the deep stuff _ . I looked at the Imperial Guards, they were just as confused as I was, then I looked back at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Don’t let anything distract Your Majesty from creating the Banner Armies.” “Why bother me with this,  _ now _ … Imperial Tutor?” and I waved my hands around, as if to say ‘it’s dark in here’. But because we’re in a large well-lit hall, my statement falls flat. “Your Majesty-” he said it  _ so  _ courtly, I’m surprised nobody called him out on it, “-the Fancun Rebellion is a mark of the Imperial Army’s lack of quality. Before the next rebellion begins, having regional forces ready to quell it would be quite the boon.” There’s something  _ very  _ creepy about how the Immortal said that. I didn’t want to go ‘How do you know this’ because I suspect the answer’s the kind of topic that I need to discuss over in the Northern Gardens.  _ And… I’d rather not.  _ I bowed to him. “I’ll get it all done,  _ today _ , Imperial Tutor.” “Very good, Your Majesty.” He gave a very real smile, kowtowed again, gave me some well-wishes, and marched off to… practice calligraphy. 

The heralding Imperial Guard didn’t open his mouth and shout that I was exiting. This is thanks to me telling him not to. As I was informed earlier, it  _ was  _ the middle of the night. The Moon was up and out there, somewhere. Doing something. Somewhere. I couldn’t see it.  _ Granted, it might be to my right, in which I wouldn’t see it anyways, because who needs a second eye? The One-Eyed Badgermole doesn’t _ . I spied the enormous mythical dragon coiled up, asleep, from all the way up at the top of the Thousand Steps.  _ Oh, what I’d do to take a field trip… on a dragon. Toph probably would, too, except she hates flying _ . Was I going to get to take  _ that  _ to the Council Tower? No, of course not. 

Instead, three ostrich horses were pulled out of the stables, with the lead one dressed in blue barding. The four of us descended the Thousand Steps as a strong wind flapped my _cape_. _It_ _comes with the uniform, I’m not going to say no to an epic cape_. The Imperial Guards patrolling in the middle of the night didn’t race over to kowtow to me, they were busy, get this, patrolling. I told a courtier waiting for me at the bottom to “Ride ahead, summon the Council for an early morning meeting!” The courtier, a herald and two _other_ Imperial Guards grabbed some ostrich horses and rode on ahead. They’d herald my arrival. 

I mounted the blue-barded ostrich horse and set off at a casual trot down the main pathway. The Imperial Palace Grounds were as silent as a tomb. Which is a good thing. Quiet means peace. Or rather, everyone’s busy plotting in the shadows. _Oh, what’s the difference? Ha!_ A few cricket-locusts were making their distinctive noises, a few songbirds, _thrush-sparrows?_ , were chirping, and I could faintly hear the footsteps from the Imperial Guards marching hither and there. We departed the South Gate soon after. It was another few _fen_ to ride to the Council Tower ahead of us. 

But this is Ba Sing Se. Things are never that easy. The dragon didn’t wake when I passed him by, but that didn’t mean his master was asleep.  _ I’m not weird enough to randomly stop off at the Fire Lord’s Guest House and go ‘hey are you awake? No? Did I just wake you? Okay then, bye now’, then slam the door shut and leave _ . I just… figured that my ride through the Upper Ring at the  _ middle  _ of night would see me meet… nobody.  _ Wrong _ .

“Is that the Fire Lord… sitting on that bench over there?” the perceptive Imperial Guard asked. He was referring to a bench next to a small lantern-lit fountain located on a side street a block over from the Central Axis Road. Before I could go ‘yes, yes it is’, the man saw me, took his hands off his Fire Lady’s cheeks, pulled out from what must’ve been a wonderful kiss, and stood up. The Fire Lady was far less happy about this whole matter, since she was having a good time, and stood up… looking like she was about to kill someone for interrupting the one time she can break the whole ‘gloomy solemn’ character of hers and act like a normal person. 

“An interesting time of night to see Your Majesty!” the Fire Lord boomed, probably waking up people living in the Lower Ring with his voice. He also gave a royalty-to-royalty bow.  _ I… do I really want to have a conversation with this man, right here, right now? No. I don’t _ . I brought my ostrich horse to a stop.  _ Formal voice, activate! _ . “I’m glad to see you, too. How’s the night going?”  _ Why ask that? Isn’t it obvious by the Fire Lady’s embarrassed face? She and he were having a romantic night, and you bumbled right into it _ . “The night went-” the Fire Lord reached a new peak of awkward embarrassment.  _ A Fire Lord. Embarrassed _ . “-quite well, so far.” The Fire Lady ruffled her robes so they’d fall all the way back down, all proper, and agitatedly inquired “What are you doing out in the middle of the night?” 

“I’ve business to attend to” I explained in my explaining tone. “In the middle of the night?” she responded with an eyebrow raised. “I’m me, I  _ always  _ have things to do.” The Fire Lady was quite genuine when she said “Be careful then, we bumped into some muggers earlier.” I didn’t know whether to go ‘well that’s weird’ or ‘report this to’ somewhere, and thus did neither. “Yeah” the Fire Lord rubbed the back of his head. “Those men didn’t know who they were mugging.” This made the Fire Lady laugh.  _ Laugh. She laughed _ . “Who… what? Who took them down, the master firebender or the master knife thrower?” “Well…” the Fire Lady began, “...those muggers were idiots.”  _ Both. Okay then _ . “I’ll see you around, have a good night…” and I head-bowed to them. “You too, Your Majesty,” the Fire Lord replied. Did I bother thinking about why they were mugged? Or if they killed all the muggers? No, why would I? The Fire Lord’s dressed like… a Fire Lord. He’s dressed like he’s rich.  _ Because he is _ . 

I arrived at the Council Tower. It was still really dark out. I dismounted and was greeted by some door guards and their usual “Your Majesty”s and kowtowing.  _ Good, great _ . As I climbed up the Tower, I looked around. “Where’s the Generals?” I went eye-patch-to-eye with some officer-looking man. “They’re still being summoned, Your Majesty.”  _ Right, right, of course. It’s the middle of the night. What else do I expect?  _ “Have some refreshments brought up to the War Room.” The officer man bowed and went “Right away, Your Majesty” before shuffling off to go boss around a bunch of nameless servants. Or… nameless somebodies. The Council Tower felt lifelessly empty.  _ As I should probably expect. It’s the middle of the night.  _ Normally, rooms are populated by officers or officers teaching officer cadets, discussing military strategies. I ascended the many flights of well-lit -someone put up some lanterns, good on them- stairs before reaching the War Room. Inside the War Room, some  _ other  _ officer-looking man was pulling out chairs from behind the massive table. He's on ‘reorganizing the chairs’ duty. And those chairs  _ squeaked _ . 

It was a few  _ fen  _ later when the first of the Generals walked in. The eldest of the Five, he chose to bring his Prince’s  _ dao  _ along with him for this late night meeting. He wore a simple uniform and had his old hair done up into a topknot. “Your Majesty summoned me?” Song asked after trying to, and successfully, kowtowing. I produced a scroll from my robes. “Her Imperial Majesty gave me an order.” He immediately fell to his knees. “Her Imperial Majesty’s word is my command!” he proudly declared to… an empty room.  _ You’ve got the right intention. It’s just… comical.  _ I walked to him, waved for him to rise, and handed him the scroll. He opened the scroll up, skimmed it, and a smile blossomed on his face. “So...Her Imperial Majesty has finally seen the necessity of Your Majesty’s ingenious Banner Armies.” I laughed slightly to myself. “I… you humble me. I wouldn’t call it genius.” The General handed it back to me and took to pulling a tray of discs out of a cabinet and placing them on the edge of the table. “No, it may not be genius, Your Majesty, but you’ve done what almost no man could do.” “What’s that? Gone to Xishan?” He laughed. “No, well, yes, but also cut right through the year of bureaucracy the rest of us have to contend with. Inside Ba Sing Se, that is.” Then, he took a disc-pushing stick off the rack and rested it against his part of the table. These discs weren’t put on yet, there were already lots of discs with little symbols that meant something to the Generals on the table. 

Next came the tall General Jun. He wore officer’s robes of white and green and had the same color scheme on the single  _ jian  _ scabbard accompanying him. While he asked Song what he’s ‘doing here after a long night’,  _ another  _ officer walked in. Two, in fact. How and Zhi. One was dressed far more appropriately for the circumstances, the other looked like he was wearing a fur bathrobe. And  _ might’ve  _ been hungover. “Your Majesty” remarked the two at the same time. Both got into kowtows and stood again. I passed the scroll around to Jun, he gave it to How, How gave it to Zhi, and after about a  _ fen  _ of everyone greeting everyone else, they took their positions. 

“Shall we begin?” How asked, looking at Song.  _ There’s only four of you.  _ Song, the most awake of any of these people, responded “We’re missing the Imperial Commander of the Army of the South.” “We don’t need him” the half-Northerner half-hungover General assertively said. I sighed. “This is business that concerns the entire Imperial Army, not just one or two of you.” It took another half a  _ dian  _ for the ‘Soldier’s General’ to march in… in a soldier uniform. “Good morning, all.” I happened to be sitting  _ right in front  _ of him, but that didn’t stop him from blindly ignoring me and walking over to his part of the War Table. Only after he got to his spot did old Song go “You forgot to bow” and wave his palm in my general direction.  _ Ha _ . “No need, General!” I waved to Fong, then rested my hands on the seat.  _ I love the Imperial Army. You’re all geniuses _ . Refreshments, tea and water, some rice and some breaded wafers were brought out. It’s not the kind of fancy dinner they normally eat, but we’re also gathering in the middle of the night.  _ Speaking of gathering here in the middle of the night like idiots… _

“So we’re here to put forward that idea Song had?” the top-ranked of the Five asked the room. He answered “I don’t wish to take credit, How, it’s partly due to the successes of His Imperial Majesty.” This drew the top-ranked officer’s attention to I. “What successes are a precedent for this, Your Majesty? Progress does not come easy to the Empire.”  _ No, it doesn’t. But I appreciate your honesty _ . I stepped up to the table and grabbed one of those sticks, except instead of pushing a tile around I used it to point at commanderies. “The Sunan Riders represent a successful regional army. They quelled the…”  _ what do we call them?...  _ “Suxu Sandbender Raids… and took very few casualties.” Then I pulled my stick back to point at the mountains in the north.  _ Oh, this map’s so basic, it doesn’t even include the two lakes. And the mountains are barely lumps here. Ha _ . “The Xishan Tribes, once our foes, demonstrated a competency at harrying any and all foes despite having warbands that number in the tens.”  _ I could go into so much more detail than that _ . This made the non-hungover officers look at me with surprise. Except Song. No, he smiled and immediately capitalized on their surprise. He pointed at Sunan, then Xishan, which made it look like he was pointing at me since the War Table is huge. “The unification and suppression of outlier regions demonstrates that a regional fighting force designed for its region will succeed where the Imperial Army failed.” His wording reminded me of someone  _ else _ … the Imperial Tutor.  _ Did he also have a meeting with you? Or do you all share some kind of pooled thinking: age. Age being the best experience of all, or so I’ve learned. The Imperial Tutor, General Song, General Iroh, and, from what I’ve heard, when he was sane, the late Fire Lord Azulon _ .

“What do we think about this, Generals?” and How looked side-to-side to let the other members of this Council make a decision. “Regional forces have historically worked well, but we no longer  _ have  _ provinces. Except Dongfang.” Jun lathered those words with a mix of elitism and… more elitism. “Jun, Gaoling is also a region.” the warhammer-loving Fong added. I put the stick on the eastern coast of the Empire. “The lands of Huizhou are a ‘region’, even if they’re full of  _ daofei _ .” “Ba Sing Se is large enough to constitute a province” How declared.  _ Ba Sing Se was once a province. _ “The lands of Xisenlin are a region” the Imperial Commander of the Army of the North  _ also  _ declared, even louder than the rest.  _ Everyone’s just vouching for their own lands. Go figure _ .  _ But… hey, that’s a good thing. At least it means these men are knowledgeable of their assigned domains _ . 

“Generals” the eldest of us said in his calming grandfather tone. “A hundred years may have crippled our bureaucratic hierarchy, but the Plains of Gaolan will always transition into the  Sikousi  Peninsula, regardless of if a viceroy, governor, governor-general or magistrate rules it.” “Even so, General Song, what’s to say our regional forces are equal to one another?” Jun directed that question at Song, but I felt it directed towards me so I addressed it instead. “The men of Xishan might not be able to fight in the steppe-country, but they were able to take on invaders that outnumbered them fifty-to-one and…”  _ they didn’t win, though.  _ “...won.”  _ They would’ve won had we not been fighting the darkness itself. _ Song vouched “And the Sunan Riders took very few casualties on their campaign.” The half-Northerner thought to insert his commentary that “The Xionglin Tribes fight better than those backwards Xishaners.”  _ Let’s make this personal. Go ahead _ . Thankfully, everyone didn’t proceed to gang up on my claim. Song challenged Zhi. “How have your men dealt with the Water Tribe invasion, then?” 

So… I thought these people were updated and informed about the whole Water Tribe invasion. Nope. “We’re being invaded by the Water Tribes?!?” Fong yelled so loudly that some raven-crows started cawing outside before picking up his  _ warhammer  _ and dropping the opposite end of the shaft -a small macehead- on the ground, producing a low  _ thud _ . “Not invaded, raided” Song clarified. The other four generals turned towards the half-asleep half-drunk one. Jun was the one to ask “Where’s the Army of the North?”. The drunk responded “ _ In  _ the north. Garrisoned in Beidiqiu.” “Where’s the invasion?” asked Fong. Song and I gave each other a cursory look. I took my stick, a blue disc, and pressed it against the Majia shore. “They’re attacking us at our weakest point along the Frozen Sea: The Majia Coast.” I took a few green discs and pushed them over to where the Xiongnu Wall would be located. A line of green discs. Then I pushed that blue disc into the Yancun Valley. 

With a dramatically noble tone, “All of  _ this _ is what’s being raided. All of  _ this  _ lies unprotected by the Imperial Army.” I changed to a calmer voice, since being calm and collected tends to work well. “The Water Tribe  _ knew  _ where we weren’t and exploited it.” The four generals,  _ Song knew this already _ , nodded along. “If we had a regional force, it would be garrisoned  _ in  _ Xishan and able to react to  _ problems  _ in and only in Xishan.” 

This produced the exact result I hoped for. A bunch of middle aged men pulling on their beards murmuring things to themselves. Song went to grab some papers and place them on his desk. I sipped my very-early-in-the-morning refreshment of cool water.  _ Ahh. Refreshing _ . The first of these men to stop murmuring things to himself was General How. “I’m in favor of this.” Song smiled. But this is the Empire. It’s never that easy.  _ And, more to the point, not everyone thinks the exact same _ . 

“Why not dispatch the Army of the North to counter it?” Fong asked, looking at his peer.  _ No. Don’t let the conversation get sidetracked again _ . I tried to refocus the conversation. “Because the Army of the North has the whole north to cover.” Jun turned back to me and reasked his question. “Your Majesty, it’s the responsibility of the Army of the North. The Army of the East is quite capable of spreading out across it’s domain.”  _ Oh Jun, Jun… you arrogant noble.  _ “And your army protects Dongfang, right? The land with approximately three pirates and one  _ daofei  _ member?” Song chuckled at that one. “Your Majesty, I think-”  _ enough.  _ I pulled the scroll out of my robes. 

“Generals! Heed Her Imperial Majesty’s words!” The five generals looked at my scroll, then snapped to attention, walked around the table and over to me, and fell into kowtows. “Her Imperial Majesty ordered  _ me  _ to have them created  _ today _ .” Jun, still in a kowtow, probably thinking he spoke for the rest, declared “Then we shall have them created today!”  _ Oh, no, I’m not done _ . “Her Imperial Majesty ordered that they be created  _ now _ . I…”  _ don’t say you came here, use your power _ , “...I only awoke at such an early time and summoned you at such an early time because Her Imperial Majesty ordered this be done  _ now _ .” How,  _ actually  _ representing the Five, declared in his formallest, humblest, tone that “Her Imperial Majesty’s wish is our command!”, I gave him permission to rise, and the five of them stood up. 

“Where to begin?” How asked while pulling discs out and earthbending them over to the capital. I gave Song the hand-wave ‘go ahead’. So he gave  _ me  _ the go ahead with “I believe His Imperial Majesty has some contributions.” The five of them looked at me and my one nice eye, and I felt far more nervous than I really  _ should _ , all things considered. “First, we shall…”  _ don’t panic now, they’re all listening to you _ . “...determine the number of regions.”  _ Now _ , Song jumped in. “This massive map still contains the old regions, does it not?” How and the rest of us looked at the map.  _ Beishan. Xishan. Beidiqiu. They’re there.  _ How was the one to say “Your eyes do not deceive you, General Song.” “Good.” and he stopped to let me continue my  _ definitely planned speech. Yup.  _ “We’ll use the current regions.” “Your Majesty, aren’t some regions larger than others?”  “They are. So their armies might be larger than others.” How called over a scribe to take notes. A soldier with good quillmanship, I shall hope.  _ Good. Make me more nervous _ . 

To regain my composure, I put my fist down on the table. “Each army will be designed to handle it’s region’s problems. Dahexi might have less commanderies than Gaolan, but the men of Dahexi will be curated to be excellent at fighting in the mountain forests of the Makapuan Mountains.” Fong voiced some opposition. “But wouldn’t that mean that a regional army is unable to fight threats not in its region, Your Majesty?”  _ Good point. Very good point. However,  _ “That’s where the Imperial Army can step in.” I took my stick,  _ note: stop calling it a stick, it’s the size of a pike _ , and pointed at the western coast of the Empire. 

“Let’s say there’s a fight in Sikousi. The invaders are able to besiege whatever-the-capital-is.” I pushed a disc that was there out of the way. Then I pushed five more green discs in. “Then the Imperial Army can step in. Instead of being paraded around here and there and exhausted by the time they get to the fight, they’ll be fresh.” I put the pike back down. “The Imperial Army can act as the local garrison instead of being the roving force. Should a crisis emerge, the Banner Army will face them first and the Imperial Army can come in as reinforcements.” I was heavily implying something all of these people knew was true but were  _ never  _ going to admit: the Imperial Army is quite… poor in quality. Not in specifics, but in general, the average soldier in the Imperial Army is barely better than  _ daofei _ . 

The five men nodded. “So it’s a regional force trained in its environment, able to fight raiders and warbands in its environment, and able to handle anything short of a mass invasion?” Song probably knew all of this already, but now he was asking it to sound more… formal?  _ I don’t know. The Empire is weird sometimes _ .  _ No, not formal, official _ . “Indeed. These forces can be what is sent out first. They’re the vanguard and they’re the hammer that’ll break anything that approaches!” The generals applauded this charismatic rhetoric. Because they like hearing how the Empire’s going to summarily defeat all it’s opponents.  _ I like hearing it too. I just like seeing progress. Even with only one eye _ . 

“Then, Generals, let us draw up the plan of how these forces will be divided.” I cut in “By region” before anyone else could say something that’d sidetrack us. How nodded in approval.  _ Well it's not like you can say ‘no’ _ . “Since there’s a lot of regions, let’s classify them as being north or south and east or west. Then he named the regions. “North of the Lakes, from the east bank of the Da Xijiang east: Xishan, Beishan, Beidiqiu, Ba Sing Se, Liaoyang, Nanchang and Dongfang.” Song stepped in for the next part. “From the west bank of the Da Xijiang west and south to Omashu: Xionglin, Xisenlin, Dahexi, Gaolan, and Sikousi. Oh, and the Great Divide, if it counts.” How continued. “From Omashu to the Gong Basili: Omashu, Aksu and Zaofu.” Song added the next set. “The Southlands: Zhaoze De, Zhaonan, Nantu, and Beihai.” This drunken organization of regions was only finally cemented with Jun. “We forgot Huizhou and Yizhidifang.” Fong accurately concluded the conclusion with “Then there’s the Si Wong Desert.” 

I don’t remember which of these men decided that it was drink time, but next thing I knew tea was being poured for all of us and Fong yelling “A toast to Her Imperial Majesty! For bringing on a new age of military reform!” Then the six of us went, in the name of formalities, “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!” and “Ten Thousand Years to the Empire!” and slowly downed the tea. 

After that unnecessary toast was completed,  _ not unnecessary because I don’t like toasting Toph, I love it, unnecessary because we could do it later _ , we moved on to more important matters. How, being responsible, was the one asking me the questions. “What is the recommended size for each of these new armies, Your Majesty? Are we drawing them from the Imperial Army or mustering them from other sources?” I looked to Song for some wisdom. I can’t just say ‘I have far less experience than the rest of you’.  _ It’s time to put the Imperial Archives to practical use.  _

“What’s better, an army size appropriate for each region?” “I would suggest having each regional force be granted the same number of troops, Your Majesty.”  _ You’re right Song. An invading force would just choose a weak spot and attack it _ .  _ Wait a miao _ ,  _ weak spot…  _ “Generals, Xishan cannot support the same number of troops as the other regions.”  _ Because it’s all sparse spruce forest and tribals. _ How replied “Then we can supplement their forces with others, Your Majesty.”  _ I don’t know if that’s going to work well. I don’t think the Xishaners would like to work alongside the Imperial Army, unless it benefits them. And it doesn’t benefit them. Yancun? Sure. Majia? No. Wait, wait, maybe don’t tackle one region first? Tackle the continent and adapt for regional issues? There’s twenty-four regions, not just one. _

I felt the power of a continent coursing through my veins when I took my hand and pointed at the map and declared “Then we shall have an equal force of men for each region!” The five generals, inspired by this surge of Imperial-borne sleep deprived power, stated their compliances.  _ I forgot how easy things are when you have power and five, or four since one’s half-asleep, men listening to you _ .  _ It also helps that I’m taller than most of them. And my queue is done up properly. _ I put my hands on the table and looked each general in his eyes, “How many men do we want per region? Five thousand?” Even with all these people listening to me, this is still the Empire. Which means ambition. “If Your Majesty thinks that’s enough…” trailed off the humble Song. “Ten thousand!” How offered. “Fifteen thousand!” Jun tried to one-up How. “Twenty thousand!” Fong two-upped the others. Then the five of us,  _ Zhi’s asleep, don’t bother him _ , looked at Fong at the same time. “What?” he raised his hands defensively.  _ Twenty thousand men, twenty four regions, that’s a lot of men.  _ Fong’s justification? “We’re pulling from the Imperial Army, right? The Imperial Army is a million strong with millions we  _ could  _ levy if we absolutely must.” I guess the Soldier’s General is a populist, because he swayed the other conscious individuals towards looking at me. And they did. 

“Well…” Song put his hands together, then pointed those hands at me.  _ I… Listen, I may be the Emperor, I’m not smart enough to make all these decisions. I need to act with the wisdom of you all _ . “Do we have the numbers to support them all?” How asked his peers.  _ Not everywhere _ . “Not in Xishan” from me, “I’d doubt the Great Divide could support those numbers” from Song and “We haven’t taken a census of Huizhou in a while” from Fong of all people. How pointed out “Then we could just move troops from more heavily populated regions, like Gaolan or Nanchang.” And… yet again, How looked to me for the answer.  _ I’m just me, though _ . “Sure.”  _ Is it possible to shrug? No?  _

“So we are planning to create twenty four new armies, partially drawing from the Imperial Army and partially drawing from experienced mercenaries. Each army will be twenty thousand strong.”  _ Woah, woah, who said anything about mercenaries? Wait, you can’t ask him a question in your mind _ . “How… General How, who said anything about mercenaries?” He was suddenly on the backfoot, “F...forgive me, Your Majesty.” and he fell into a kowtow.  _ Oh, get up _ . I had him rise. “What’s your reasoning?”  _ Why do I have to ask this? It should be obvious _ . “There are hundreds of small mercenary companies roving the countryside. Some of them far outclass our troops. If we recruit them, we can use them as a standard to raise the rest of our forces to.” I put my fist down on the table. “ _ No _ . We are not employing mercenaries  _ in  _ our army. I want men that are loyal to my Empress… Her Imperial Majesty, not the richest man around. If you wish to hire them to help train our men, then that is allowed. Otherwise,  _ no _ .” I looked around the room, at the eyes of the Generals, then back at the table, then back at How. “ _ Am I understood _ ?” “Yes, Your Majesty. No mercenaries.”  _ Good _ .  _ I won’t have our men get bribed off by the Lord of Gaoling _ . 

On to the next matter. “How do we arm these troops?” the head of the Council asked his peers. Fong asked “We have lots of artillery, right?” and Song and I both gave each other, then him, a  _ look _ . A ‘is that your first priority’ look. How stopped his disc-pushing,  _ we need to place a disc in all the regions _ , to answer that. “I’m going to guess a thousand pieces in Ba Sing Se, but it could be more, it could be less.”  _ A thousand artillery pieces?  _ “Our war factories must be doing a great job.” How put his hand and palm together, “Her Imperial Majesty’s orders: ‘By next spring: Five thousand artillery, two thousand biplanes, two thousand Imperial Mark Two Tanks!’” Yes. He did include an exclamation at the end of it.  _ Five… thousand? Thousand?  _ “Where’s the other four thousand?” “They’re across the Empire, Your Majesty.”  _ I… don’t have words. Toph… I wonder how many of those pieces were hand built by Toph? Or her metalbending students. I…  _ I forgot how  _ fast  _ metalbenders could industrialize.  _ Toph… made demands for all these weapons… because she’s Toph… and if she wants the country to muster the greatest mechanized army of the age, she’s going to do that _ . “Sure, each army can get some artillery pieces, sure, sure, sure…” I was thinking of Xishan and the climate, “...but artillery doesn’t work in snow.” My remark was ignored in favor of “Good, we’ll give a battalion of artillery to each army” because  _ that’s what happens when you mumble your words, you genius _ . 

“Do we want to mechanize equally?” How asked the rest of us. Fong and Jun both cut one another off, with one saying “Tanks are better off in the plains” and the other “tanks are better off in the steppe.” “So what you’re saying is that we should keep the tanks for the non-mountainous regions?” and both, at the same time, said “Yes.” As always, How looked to me for conclusionary remarks. “Don’t Tundra Tanks have spiked variants? We could afford to use them in the mountainous regions.” “So we’ll evenly divide them, Your Majesty?”  _ I can’t even do division _ .  _ So, no _ . I stood there like a total moron.  _ Which, isn’t far from the truth _ . Thankfully for me, Song stepped in. “I think His Imperial Majesty is implying that we split them up. Most tanks to the plains and steppe armies, a few squadrons to the mountains.”  _ That makes sense. You explained it like I couldn’t. Good on you, General Song _ . I tapped the table and said “Yes. What he said. That’s what we do.” Because the generals are proper Imperials,  _ they actually listen to orders _ , they followed it through.

“As for arming them with weapons, I take it the Imperial Army has standardized equipment?”  _ Oh, you fool, stop asking such innocent, naive questions _ . The conscious generals broke into laughter. “Standardized?” Fong slapped the side of his leg. “ _ Standardized? _ ” How almost spat out his tea. Then they remembered who they were in the presence of and shutted themselves up. “Forgive us-” I cut them off, “No, no, it’s fine,” and I waved their worries away. “I don’t care if the Imperial Army can’t standardize, I want these new armies to be.” How gave a head nod. “Right away, Your Majesty. Just…” he paused, “...one question, Your Majesty?” “Go ahead”  _ what, did you expect me to say ‘no’? _ . “Do we draw resources from the Imperial Army to fuel these new armies?”  _ It’s not like the Imperial Army will put them to use _ . “Yes. Yes, General How.” “Very good, Your Majesty.” How then wrote a couple notes down, shuffled his papers once again, and sipped some tea.

“In conclusion, twenty four new armies will be created, each numbering twenty thousand and supported by approximately forty artillery pieces, forty aircraft and forty Tundra Tanks. Each army will be allocated a portion of remaining artillery, aircraft and tanks as per necessity with the foresight of the climate the army will be participating in. These twenty four armies will be commanded by…” and he paused. “Excuse me, Your Majesty, how is the chain of command going to work? Whose jurisdiction will these commanders fall under?”  _ I… uh… wait. Wait. I got this.  _ I looked at the map and the regions, then up at the five officers,  _ Zhi finally woke up _ , then back at the map, then at my hand because I was  _ really  _ hoping it’d do something inspiring, then at the map again. 

“Couldn’t they fall under the Council of Five?” How pulled on his beard. “That’d mean we have to manage both the Imperial Armies  _ and  _ these new armies.” He looked to his sides. “Is this something the rest of you would be capable of doing?” “Yes” “Yes” “Yes” and finally “We should probably appoint officers to manage these armies, just like how we have officers managing the subsections of the Imperial Army” from Song. “What kind? These are forces upwards of twenty thousand strong.” How’s question was countered by Song’s calm temperament. “We have a large number of Lieutenant Generals, no?”  _ Really? I’m not being sarcastic, we do?  _ “Yes, we do” How mused. “So appoint the qualified ones to leading these armies instead of their mustered ones.”  _ Wait wait this just gave me an idea.  _

“Then!” I slammed my fist into the table,  _ ow _ , attracting all eyes. “Then we can-” I felt the inspiration from Suki and Kotyan, “-order around a couple officers instead of a hundred!”  _ Commanding a few officers who have sweeping control over their units. Or something like that. One commander leading a few officers, those officers lead platoons of officers and those officers, in turn, command their forces _ . “That could be arranged, Your Majesty.” and How wrote some more notes down. “So each of us will take six regions?” “As long as I can keep my holdfast in Dalaozi”, “It’s acceptable, but I want my seat to be in Dongfang”, “If I can keep control of the Sentinel program, then what’s another region to my name?” and finally “I shall follow His Imperial Majesty’s wishes to the bitter end”, from Fong, Jun, Zhi and Song, respectively. “Does Your Majesty have any recommendations for the chain-of-command within the force?” _ Yes, in fact _ . “I would consult Lieutenant General Ju-Long, or the records on the Kyoshi Warriors, or the Captain of the Imperial Metalbending Guard since he’s an expert on the Xishan force structure. I’m not wise enough to tell you, but they are.” How took a quill and took some notes.

“And the navies?” How asked nobody, then realized he should ask me instead. “And what of our navies, Your Majesty?”  _ I… haven’t really thought about the navy _ .  _ Wait, what’s there to think about it?  _ “I’d propose that each region with shoreline access be allocated vessels. The-”  _ remember what the Imperial Tutor told you _ , “-the Earth Islands need the most. The Earth Island Banner…”  _ don’t stagger _ , “...it needs extra of  _ everything _ . It’ll be under the command of my Imperial relative, Oyaji.” “Imperial Uncle Oyaji, Your Majesty? That-” How stamped a paper “-has just been arranged.” “Due to the importance of the Earth Islands in controlling the South Sea, it would only be appropriate to create a new fleet. The Earth Island Banner Navy.” The other generals nodded in agreement. “Your Majesty, since most of the armies are regional, shouldn’t we create navies for coastal patrol?”  _ I… I… yes we should _ .  __ “As long as the Earth Island Navy is it’s own thing, I think the current Navies can handle themselves quite fine. If you think there’s a necessity for a riverine fleet, General, then I approve it” I then tapped the table lightly. “We have plenty of rivercraft, Your Majesty.” How declared, proud of his Empire’s war factories.  _ Though I’d guess half of them are beyond antiquated _ .  _ More than half.  _

“In conclusion” How began speaking to the scribe-soldier, for the final time that day, “Twenty four Banner Armies will be created, each numbering twenty thousand and supported by an allocated portion of artillery, aircraft and tundra tanks. They will act as a regional force handling  _ daofei, _ rebellions and invasions. They will be commanded by Lieutenant Generals… with some exceptions. Each member of the Council of Five will have direct supervision over the commanders of Banners within respective regions. For regions with large shorelines, an associated Fleet will be created of shore and rivercraft. The regional force will be formed from local Imperial Army units and experienced volunteers. They will be trained to an elite standard, including special climate-specific training.” Then he looked at me. “Is this what Your Majesty intended?” “ _ Yes _ . Exactly what I intended,” and I put my hand on the table. How smiled and the scribe stopped. He then punched the air. 

“Congratulations men! Today, we inaugurate the creation of the Banner Armies!” and the other officers drew their weapons,  _ dao, jian  _ and warhammer, and punched the air. “Ten Thousand Years!” they cried. “Ten Thousand Years!” I yelled. When we were done cheering, the officers sheathed their blades… or put their warhammer back on the ground and let it stand there free standing, and How gave some final remarks. “Your Majesty, we will get to work organizing these forces. I suspect the Ba Sing Se Banner will be ready to go, as a Banner, within the week. Other Banners may take longer.”  _ Are there really that many competent units in the Empire? Yes. Yes. There could be. A five thousand strong unit might be competent, a fifty thousand strong army a failure.  _ “Very good. Keep me updated, General. And…” I finally looked outside and realized that  _ it’s not even twilight yet _ , “you five are dismissed to go get your rest.” Zhi took this order literally and sat down on a comfy chair. I bowed to the remaining four of them, turned around, and departed. I heard their echoing cheers even as I exited through the front door. 

The late night’s beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that I ordered my retinue to “Ride on ahead. I  _ order  _ you to. I’m going for a late-night stroll.” The Imperial Guards hesitated to oblige, but orders are orders, so they had to. All… two of them. They rode off ahead while I made a right turn and worked my way down a side street somewhere. I must’ve spent a couple  _ fen  _ strolling down dark side roads before something interesting happened. And by interesting, I mean  _ something  _ sent my ostrich horse falling over and sent me flying over it. I rolled forward and stood up, just like I practiced.  _ Assassins _ . 

“Attack!” someone yelled. Then a dozen men came running out of two side-alleys bearing  _ dao _ . “You guys might not want to try that,” I warned them. They hesitated. Their leader,  _ I guess _ , pointed at me with his blade, yelled, and charged me.  _ I warned you _ .  _ Swish.  _ I drew my blades and blocked his  _ dao  _ strike. “Don’t choke yourself up on this” I shoved my blade through his throat.  _ Then  _ the other geniuses charged me.  _ Block, slice _ . One man lost part of his leather tunic. Oh, and his insides became outsides.  _ Block, block, block, block, thank Kyoshi for agility. Stab, slice, stab, slice, stab _ . One man ate it, the other’s going to go searching for his mouth and the last one… well he’s just dead. 

When they sortied again trying to attack me as a single mass, I yelled “Surprise!”. No reason. Just intimidation. Oh, you should’ve seen the  _ look  _ in their eyes. They  _ backed up _ . I waved one blade forward, “Come here, it’s haircut time” and out-ranged him. Easily. Then I barreled forward and cut one man into three,  _ slice and slice _ , and gave two others their hearts.  _ Because I love this _ . One locked one of my blades with his, so I just shoved the other blade right through his eye and out the back of his head.

The last two? I grabbed one man by the throat and  _ picked him up _ with one hand while stabbing the other attacker in the chest. The last man wriggled and tugged on my fingers and tried to kick me in the chest. I closed my fingers and  _ squeezed _ , “Hate to take your breath away,” then took the man and slammed him, multiple times, into a wall. Again. And again. When he got back up,  _ well you’re somehow persistent _ , I took both my blades and  _ de-cap-i-tation _ .

The first of the shadowy punctual agents of the Dai Li landed next to the rolling head of the last of these attackers. I picked up the dead man’s head by the topknot. “You’re late, agents. They’re already dead!” and I kicked the head away. That doesn’t detract from the whole ‘I was just attacked’ atmosphere, but… hey, I’ve survived ambushes before, I’ll survive them again. 

More importantly, the Dai Li were  _ late _ . 

_ Well, at least I got some practice in before they could steal all my glory with their tapdancing nonsense _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we meet and greet the newest model of biplane.
> 
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -"Kyoshi, when you care about someone, you just have to let them go off on their own", Mori's a bit too thickheaded (it's also the middle of the night) to pick up on Toph's nuance here.   
> -This late night conversation doesn't exist for the sake of having a late night conversation (like earlier in 'Adventures'). There are some little hints at how Toph (and Mori) have changed over time. (Granted, we 'see' Mori's changes firsthand.)  
> -Sigeng and two dian is approximately 3:12am. Sigeng = Fourth Watch (the fourth shift of the patrols), Dian = 'point', each new dian has the bells be tolled.  
> -The Fire Lord and Fire Lady go out on dates, sometimes.   
> -Muggers versus master firebender + master knifethrower. It won't end well for the muggers.  
> -Just because Zhi's hungover and Fong's in the wrong outfit doesn't make them incompetent.   
> -Mori's internal quip about Xishan geography is a double callback. One, the obvious one, to his time in Xishan. Two, and this one was planned, is to when he was going over the many different ways Xishan is portrayed on maps. Those simple maps don't do the land justice.  
> -Fong's warhammer includes a butt-spike macehead ( https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/butt_spike ) . I couldn't find any historical sources at the time of editing this, but when drafting this story, I concluded that a large warhammer head would need some kind of counterbalance and a macehead would be weighty enough to do that.   
> -Macehead butt-spike reference image:( https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/totalwar/images/e/eb/TW3K_Lu_Bu_Duel_2.jpeg/revision/latest/top-crop/width/300/height/300?cb=20181107194103 ). Yes, that's Lu Bu and his Sky Piercer.   
> -“Heed Her Imperial Majesty’s words!”. Any direct command by Toph will bring anyone to heel.  
> -Da Xijiang, also known as "The Great River" in the Xishan culture, runs northwest-southeast from the North Sea to the West Lake. All canon maps of the Earth Kingdom show the squiggly line.   
> -The 'east' and 'west' bank are more like northeast and southwest banks.   
> -480,000 men. That's how large the Banner Armies will be, when put together.   
> -Ambushing will return.   
> -Why is this ambush played off as unimportant? The attackers were terrible (hint at who they might be!) and Mori's getting quite good with his blades.


	82. The Mark Three Flying Coffin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take flight in the latest flying coffin model!

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Eight:

“Have you considered that _maybe_ interrogating a dead man won’t get you anywhere?” I was getting tired of the Dai Li agents asking the dead man questions. _It’s not really doing anything to help you, is it_. “Forgive us, Your Majesty. Standard Dai Li protocol.” _To interview the dead? Sounds like a… boring… job. You could call it a dead-end job_. I’m glad I carry around a cloth _specifically_ for the purpose of cleaning my metallic instruments of war. I’m also glad that cloth is… _back in the Imperial Palace_. 

“I take it you still haven’t found a motive?”  _ Why did you ask that question, self?  _ “We didn’t even know of such a presence in the Upper Ring, Your Majesty” some nameless agent piped out. He piped out, and was silenced by a louder more assertive voice, one of a commander of some kind. “We’d been tracking these men for days. Had Your Majesty not set out on your own, we might’ve caught them.” Did I care enough to debate this man?  _ Apparently so _ . “I’m the Emperor, if I want to go for a ostrich horse ride around the Upper Ring of the  _ safest  _ place in all the Nations, then I should be able to go for an ostrich horse ride, a  _ safe  _ ostrich horse around, around the Upper Ring, the  _ safest  _ place in all the Nations.” I pulled my sash off and cleaned my blades with it instead. The Captain,  _ I’m just going to guess _ , replied with “That is correct, Your Majesty” and offered me a bow.  _ Oh, you’ve got to be kidding _ . A  _ fen  _ of me cleaning my blades later, and internalizing his rhetoric… and I had a thought to grab this man by the throat and pick him up. Almost. I held myself back. My voice? Not as held back.

“ _ Then tell me, Captain. Why, if this is the safest place in all the Nations, did a dozen thugs just attack the Emperor? _ ” The Dai Li officer didn’t budge. “Your Majesty, the Dai Li are tracking rebel elements all day and night. When walking a trail, it’s best to stay in the center, right?” the stone-voiced man kept his classic Dai Li stance and… didn’t budge even when my good eye glared at him.  _ What’s your point _ ? I could’ve gotten upset and killed him, but instead I figured to play his game. 

“Let’s go with yes.” “Then, it makes sense that for Your Majesty’s safety, it is better to stick to the main path.” _I don’t think you get it_. “I’m the Emperor.” I altered my voice just a _smidge_ to compliment my stature. “ _I’m the Emperor_. _If you mean to tell me_ _that the hill country of Zhag’yab is safer at night than the capital._ ” “It is not, Your Majesty. We do not have savages prowling in the darkness.” _Oh, you may not, but I recall skiing through that specific commandery and not once getting ambushed._ I took my finger and pointed at the assortment of corpses. “But you have criminals. Assassins at that. Men with blades.” An agent opted to insert his opinion amidst this. “They can’t be that good, Your Majesty defeated all of them without a scratch. And Your Majesty was only half asleep.” _I… I mean, thanks for the compliment, but…_

“Agent, how many residents of this city spend most of their day practicing with the blade and the bow?” “Approximately five thousand,” the officer looking-fellow, or his cuffs suggested he was some officer, replied. “That was a rhetorical question” I said with an accompanying  _ sigh _ . Leave it to the Dai Li to know the precise answers to these questions nobody ever asked. The two agents fell into a bow. “Forgive me, Your Majesty.” I directed my one-eyed focus back at this officer-fellow. “ _ You _ . I want these motives on a Memorial by the afternoon.” I didn’t need to threaten him. Towering a head taller than him was enough. “Right away, Your Majesty.” 

I walked the rest of the way back. I had the highest spire of the Imperial Palace as a guiding landmark. And it guided me. I  _ probably  _ should have accepted a retinue of bodyguards, but I was feeling too annoyed.  _ One of them is lying. How do you follow someone and not grab them? Especially if they’re traitors like these criminals. How do you let the Emperor out of sight? You’re incompetent. What’s the reason I shouldn’t have your heads for this?  _

These questions were set aside as I found myself wandering down _yet another_ side street going somewhere. Off to the east, the blue streak of twilight had given way to the pinkish portrait of the oncoming dawn. The trees became detailed. Decorations became visible. The bell towers of the Upper Ring rang twice during my walk. People were departing their Upper Ring homesteads to go meditate or pray or till their stone gardens. Every single time, they were surprised to suddenly bump into _me_ as they walked towards wherever they were going. Lots of “What a privilege, Your Majesty!”s. Lots of kowtows. Lots of well wishes for the Empress’s health. Lots of “Ten Thousand Years!”. One of these lower-ranked nobles, _because_ _the important ones were converging on the Imperial Palace as I strolled leisurely_ , was nice enough to inform me that “Your Majesty’s queue is...undone.” He was happy to offer his house as a place for me to go and do up my queue. Because his household has servants and all that. _And more importantly, because if I go to his household, his social status ascends into the sky like a Wailing Yaling firework rocket_. So did I do it? _Nah. I’ve got two good hands_. I thanked him, “Your generosity is greatly appreciated” and went to go sit down on a bench instead. Just a bench. A bench next to a park a few blocks from the Central Axis Road. 

The sound of drums interrupted the few chirping birds. _Dawn has come_. The drum and bell towers across the Upper Ring, _then across the city,_ began ringing out the low growl of a thousand drumfalls _, boom, boom, boom, boom_ , to announce the new day’s start. About a _fen_ later, as the echoes dwindled into the distance, I managed to make out the distant shout of a courtier calling “All court officials are to enter to attend Court!”. The silence of the dawn means voices carry. _His choice of words… not ‘to see Her Imperial Majesty’ means Toph’s not holding Court._ I looked at the hair falling apart in my hands and split it apart to weave back together. _If Sukes was here, she’d be quipping about me having long hair_. _And she’d be right._ But she wasn’t here. She was probably on a train for the Southlands. _If the Gong Basili is still ours, she’ll arrive in the Southlands in a week, then it’s to Shirahama out on the western coast of the once-stronghold of the Chin, then a couple days by boat._ If we’re fortunate, we’ll be receiving a letter in two weeks telling us that she’s arrived. _Why am I so worried about her? She’s Suki. Is there any challenge she can’t defeat? No. Not really. Okay, maybe a giant ballista, or the Imperial Siege Cannon assuming it aims properly. But… neither of those are going to do anything_. Nonetheless, I had myself and only myself for company.

Small mobs of nobles, young and old, gathered in some of the more open plazas scattered about to practice chi-enhancing forms. The slow methodical ones that take ten  _ fen  _ to complete. The rest of the day, they’re at each other's throats plotting and backstabbing, but for the smidge of time between the Sun striking the highest tower of the Imperial Palace and the beams of day banishing the darkness from the streets, they’re together, practicing martial arts that help with chi flow.  _ How peculiar. How Imperial _ . Others were in their stone gardens, kowtowing to their ancestors. Or the Empress. Or both. Lots of kowtowing towards the Imperial Palace.  _ Remember, self, these people are within shouting distance of that building. They must think themselves really special. A couple thousand people out of a city of millions get that honor.  _ I tried to stay as far from these people as I could so that I could spectate them instead of become the center of attention. It worked.  _ I’m not a jangling medal cabinet with legs. That’s why it worked _ . Of course, doing this meant that I had to act more like a teenager, scurrying down back alleys and through backyards. If someone caught me like this, it’d be a sight for the ages.  _ Emperor running through backyards to avoid catching anyone’s attention _ .

I found myself back on the Central Axis Road just in front of the South Gate. The gate’s always open in the morning, all the court officials have to enter after all, but it’s still heavily manned. A small army of Imperial Guards trying their best to act like hawk-falcons. These ones  _ sometimes  _ have the ability to walk around, instead of the Palace Ground Statue Division.  _ Not their name _ . Some Guards tried to spot the  _ obvious tall auburn-haired man with a long queue and blue robes.  _ To nobody’s surprise, they spotted me and broke into kowtows. I rejected the special privileges despite a ten foot circle of nobody magically appearing around me. I ducked to the side and let the convoy of court officials who are less important than the court officials important enough to be gathering in twilight through. I desired to ascend to the Imperial Palace  _ somehow _ , but that didn’t mean ‘step into the middle of the Inner Courtyard and let everyone know I’m here’. Nope. I had other wishes. 

I walked along the backs of the Guest Houses. The  _ backs _ . To stay out of sight of everyone else.  _ Well, the Dai Li are always watching. I hope. Or… seeing as they were tardy earlier… maybe not. And they respect their distance. Apparently enough to not intervene when I’m attacked by thugs _ .  _ The point stands, not like those daofei… who aren’t standing _ . I kept walking along, trying to avoid stepping on the stone gardens. I tried to stay away from the main event of people and the two lines of Imperial Guards. And it almost worked. Almost. 

_ Screech _ . That noise was enough to remind me of events from years ago. When that same dragon once torched the Palace Grounds. And that noise, despite being from a now benign,  _ at least to me and the Empire, _ mount, was enough to send me searching for cover to hide under. I found a suspended porch with a dark hollow area beneath it and dived in. I didn’t know whose Guest House this was, but I’d learn soon enough. The scent of recently brewed tea was my one and only warning. 

I don’t know the right word to use for ‘a dragon’s snout exhaling smoke plumes,  _ slowly _ , while one of its eyes tries to look inside a dark area underneath a porch’. Hurricanes from the South Sea send letters to Druk telling him to calm the wing-blasts down. I don’t think he can read the letters, so I don’t think he gets the message. That, and,  _ oh yeah _ , having an  _ eye  _ the size of someone’s head is enough to send even Emperors falling backwards onto their hands and trying to crawl  _ away, away, get away, I’m getting away from that thing _ . 

For the first and probably only time in my life, I was reassured to hear the voice of the Fire Lord. “What is it? Someone down there?” he asked his mount with a half-serious half-soft attitude. The dragon huffed some kind of answer, then gave a really unsettling whine when the Fire Lord petted his whiskers.  _ Whiskers?  _ Not a whine, a croon. A soft croon. Then the Fire Lord, showing restraint, didn’t set fire to the entire porch area, instead getting on a knee and doing the palm-torch move. His good eye went through a variety of emotions upon seeing me. “Your…  _ what are you doing underneath my house? _ ”  _ Ah. Such courtesy. It must be because it’s early in the morning _ . 

I tried standing while saying “What am I doing underneath the Fire Lord’s Guest House?” but only bumped my head into the ceiling, _er, floor_. After landing on my behind like a total idiot, I mustered some words. “I’m doing what I’m doing underneath the Fire Lord’s Guest House.” _That doesn’t make any sense_. “Did you hear anything?” he asked. “What was I supposed to hear? I’m cowering in darkness because I wanted to avoid the thousand-man mob of Court.” I don’t know what the Fire Lord thought I was or wasn’t hearing, but I wasn’t. And he was either surprised by my honesty, _we’re both monarchs, our courts love deceit,_ or he found a fellow monarch who _also_ awkwardly admits to the truth. Eitherway, he backed away and said “Druk, please don’t set the Emperor on fire.” _Oh, oh. I see. Even from here._ Druk gave some kind of whine statement and Zuko responded in confusion. “How did you know that he was him?” _That’s a sensible statement._ One whine later, “You can _smell_ monarchs?” Yet another whine later, “You can sense Avatar’s blood?” then Zuko stroked his chin and said “I see…” multiple times. 

I got out of the gravel and came head-to-smoke-exhaling snout with Druk.  _ How do you even fit here?  _ The large space between the back of the house and the retaining wall for a retaining wall was the answer.  _ Of course. Acrobatic dragons. Why not _ . I offered a bow to the Fire Lord and… _ wait a miao _ . “Why are you wearing a bathrobe?” the monarch of a massive industrialized nation rubbed the back of his head and nervously said “I was taking a bath.” “I believe you”  _ I… don’t really have a reason not to believe him _ . 

I pointed at the ground and gestured towards the courtyard. “I’m going to awkwardly slide out of here…” “I’m going to go back to my bath. That’s where I was.” “Good” I nodded. “Great,” he nodded to me. “Have a good bath” “Have a good…” he didn’t know what to say, so I clarified it for him. “Day.”  _ Day, Zuko _ . “Have a good day, Your Majesty.” he bowed royalty-to-royalty to me. “Have a good day, Your Majesty.” and I bowed to him. As I strode away, I gave some closing remarks of “Fire Lord, you might wish to change your clothes for less… aromatic… ones. The only place that would be acceptable is a Pu-On Tim play.” This wondrous little meeting was capped off with the Fire Lord angstilly,  _ that’s a word right _ , shouting at the ground. Then setting some wooden post on fire and yelling “Why do I always set things on fire!?!”  _ I wonder… because you’re a firebender?  _ Also, I’m all for dressing in robes that smell like flowers and  _ alluring  _ scents… except  _ no wait, I’d rather dress in normal clothing _ .

“Good morning, Your Majesty” one of the sweet-voiced attendants said. Then others said it. “How was Your Majesty’s trip?” “Hard. Got a bit bloody at the end. Then it wasn’t as bloody. And now I need a shower.”  _ It’s not like walking around with warm summer winds cause sweating. Nope. Also, I guess fighting doesn’t make people need showers. Also, my clothes smell like ten different dead people’s blood _ . “Would Your Majesty like to attend-” I cut the servant’s beautiful soft voice off. “No. I’d like to visit the Empress after I’m out. Please  _ please  _ prepare my ‘walk around like a normal person’ clothes.”  _ I’ve had enough general outfits for one part of a day, thanks _ . The attendants were happy to receive my uniform while I obtained a proper Imperial robe with which people bathe.  _ Nice and blue _ . They were also happy to prepare a uniform for later.

Showers are nice. This is a known truth. They aren’t as good as protective layers of earth, but they make up for it with being  _ nice cool water _ . Nothing’s as relieving on a warm late-spring,  _ is it late spring? _ , morning. The hundred different scented soaps haven’t yet grown on me.  _ Some of them are even from Caldera, back when we loaded boxes of soap into a junk and sailed it across the sea.  _ I also lack the drying off after a shower company of one Kyoshi Warrior. In other instances, when our schedules line up, the two of us might exchange some banter about showers, the Empress, Pu-On Tim parodies, or, you know, deep important matters that  _ need  _ to be saved for shower time. Because there’s no better time to discuss the future of a country, right? Sure, it sounds odd, but we both have our own showers.  _ And no attendants to weirdly spy on us _ . So… we talk during said showers. Or… we would. I didn’t get that. Because she’s not here. She also wasn’t here when I sat back and had some attendants combing my long hair to make it nice and straight and clean and  _ sparkly _ . She wasn’t here when I threw a simple Imperial Informal Robe and pants on,  _ it compliments my blue sarashi like a color complimenting the same color,  _ and walked back to where I was sleeping. And finally… she wasn’t here to open the door for me or bear witness to whatever could come next. 

I’m sure she’d understand when I dramatically pointed at the person  _ in this room who is not supposed to be in this room _ and yelled “Why are you in Her Imperial Majesty’s bedroom?” It didn’t matter that it was barely the day yet, the engineer  _ still  _ chose to wear his engineering clothes, the white tunic and red vest and off-white pants. And goggles. The referred unwelcome guest jumped off his chair and slipped face-first onto the floor.  _ Well done footwork _ . “Forgive me, Your Majesty. I was invited in. I-” I interrupted him. “Okay okay, stop groveling. Can you… for Her Imperial Majesty’s sake, explain why-” then I was interrupted. “I have a name, Kyoshi!” I could counterattack the interruption. “-for  _ Toph’s  _ sake.” The engineer spun around and buried his head in a cushion of some kind. “Toph… why, if you don’t mind me asking, is there an engineer in our bedroom?” “Kyoshi, meet Lord Satoru. He’s an engineer. And he’s got lots of explosive designs.”  _ I… what? Lord Satoru?  _ “Lord?” was my only question.  _ I know who he is _ . “Satoru, get up. Stop being all fancy” the Empress ordered from her comfortable position of a head and hands poking out of a blanket.  _ Why, though?  _ The engineer got up while I made sure my clothes were properly tied on.

“Why are you a ‘Lord’?” The nervous wreck nervously tried to pull himself together, nervously. “Because Her Imperial Majesty took an affinity to my designs-” but, having no patience for this, I cut him off and tore apart his awkwardness. “That’s not a reason to be granted a lordship.” Toph cut off my argument. “Kyoshi, aren’t most people lords? That’s the title most people get, right?” I sometimes forget that I’m not the only one who cut classes as a child. “ _ No _ , Toph.” But like me, Toph doesn’t care about petty ‘classes’. Unlike me, she can just invent what is and is not a truth. “Who cares. Satoru’s designs are worth it. Oh, and Nan gave him a lick of approval.” At mention of the best good boy, he stopped licking his leg, hopped off the bed, and licked my ‘I just showered’ hands. “Let-”  _ lick _ , “-me-”  _ lick _ , “-see-”,  _ lick _ , “-the-”  _ lick _ , “-designs.”  _ Lick _ . 

Not a  _ fen  _ later… “The Imperial Air Corps Mark Three Strike Fighter’s upgrades ensure successful air campaigns against any would-be aggressors, Your Majesty.”  _ I’m glad you’re such a good salesman _ . He pointed at this scroll with a bunch of small words and notes and other such demarcations. “Instead of dealing with large bolts, we halved ours. Same explosive payload.” “So you’ve got ten more bolts to use?” I sarcastically asked. He laughed. “Oh, you’re serious.” I tried rolling my one good eye. “Is my eye rolling working?” “Afraid not, Your Majesty.” The Empress found this funny, yelling “Ha! Good job Kyoshi!”  _ I’m glad I made you happy, Toph.  _

Since I wanted to know, I asked “How many crossbow bolts can it carry?” Calmly, he smiled and replied “A hundred, Your Majesty.”  _ What? I’m sorry, what?  _ “A hundred… wing-snapping… explosive… crossbow bolts.” “That’s correct, Your Majesty.” I don’t really know engineers like I know other normal people, but why is that engineers always smile so gleefully when demonstrating their…  _ wait I just answered my own question _ . “Where did you find the time? How?” He pointed at something I’ll just pretend I understand and explained “We moved this-” he pointed at what I guess is the instrument panel “-forward-”  _ note, he and I have different definitions of ‘forward’ _ , “-which gave us the room to store all the bolts. Then, this-” he pointed at the crossbow “-mechanism feeds the bolts in.” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “But I do!” Toph declared. “How…  _ how _ do you” but I cut myself off, because she’s the Empress. “I can feel the little components inside the machinery!” she said, all cheerfully. “When… when did you… when did you even…”  _ I… why do I always miss the fun parts?  _ “While you were gone.”  _ Which ‘gone’? In Xishan? Dealing with the Banner Army? No… probably Xishan.  _

“Then why are you here now, Satoru?” I asked, shaking my head. “ _ Lord  _ Satoru.” Toph stressed. I corrected myself. “ _ Why are you here now, Lord Satoru _ .” I sounded tired, because this is the Empress’s bedroom and I was barely dressed. “To discuss upgrades with Her Imperial Majesty.” “Really? You can’t do this in places that aren’t the bedroom?” I felt the blind glare. “Fine, just… can I go past you?” The nervous engineer backed up. He, too, was sweating.  _ Probably a result from wearing a pair of thick mechanical gloves. Granted… he’s not wearing them, they’re slung along his waistband… but… still. He’s sweating from the nervousness of encountering a very upset Emperor _ . I walked past him and sat down on my side of the bed. 

“So you’re here to discuss  _ upgrades _ ? To… what?” The engineer proudly summoned his  _ lecture  _ voice. “Well, Your Majesty, Her Imperial Majesty is a prodigy at engineering. And… well she’s Her Imperial Majesty.” I turned around to face the woman lying against the headrest. “Because you’re a metalbender?” “The  _ best _ ” and she kissed her fists.  _ Right, right, of course _ . From what little I knew of engineering, it required lots of mathematics.  _ And you’re blind _ . “I thought you couldn’t do math.” “Never done it.” and she retrieved her spittoon from across the room with metalbending and spat into it. “Her Imperial Majesty has an understanding of metal that the rest of us can only dream of, Your Majesty.” 

“Toph, you hear that? You’re the stuff of dreams!” She chuckled. “You could do with telling me that more.” “ _ More _ ? When have I told you that exact line before?” “When we met.”  _ Oh _ . I slapped myself in the face.  _ Well played, genius. Well played _ . “Her Imperial Majesty really feels the metal,” the engineer said, vouching for his Empress. “Kyoshi, you get why I discuss metalbending with him?” “Because he respects your skills?” She snorted in laughter. “Because he’s a student and he listens.”  _ Okay, fair point, but…  _ “Why is he in our… your bedroom?” “Best food in the Empire’s right here. I don’t have to get out of bed. That’s a win win for everyone.” Satoru, for his part, offered a bow. “I’m always grateful to be invited into these chambers.” I gave him a once-over, as if to remind myself that I’m talking to some engineer fellow  _ in my bed _ , then took to lying on my side of bed. 

I might’ve considered going to sleep, but since he was here, I was curious. “Satoru, do you have any news for me?” “I know of Your Majesty’s affinity for flying. You’d be happy to know that we have a prototype model for the Mark Three built just for Your Majesty’s comforts.”  _ Wait, really?  _ “A prototype? Does it fly?” He grinned. “It flies quite well, Your Majesty.” I leaned over to speak a bit… closer to the Empress. “Toph, did you know about this?” She raised her hands out of the blanket and shrugged. “Do I look like a flier?”  _ I… _ “No,-” she cut me off,“Correct” and she blew on her bed-hair, parting it from her face. So I turned back towards the engineer. “And it’s ready to use?” “It is, Your Majesty.” “Then I’d like to test-fly it.” “Of course, Your Majesty. It will be ready to go at the Mechanist’s personal airport to the southeast.” He offered a Fire Nation peasant-to-royalty bow and departed.  _ For… whatever reason _ . Toph rolled over and banged her head into my right arm. “I’m going back to sleep!” the Empress suddenly decided. 

We found ourselves in comfortable positions. And by found, I mean that Toph sat up, felt for the  _ exact  _ spot on my chest that she likes to rest on, and did her best tree-falling impression and combined her head with my chest.  _ Ow _ . The morning time light came in through the windows. Not that Toph noticed. She was busy…  _ well she can’t see to begin with, but she was busy…  _ “are you picking your teeth?”, “‘es” she replied.  _ Anyways _ … “I probably shouldn’t ask-” she interrupted me to give her two coppers. “Then don’t.”  _ Take a breath _ . I cut to the chase. 

“What do you think of Satoru?” I asked because she’s usually quite good at reading people, what with the truth telling and subtle nuances of tone that the rest of us can’t pick up on. She took her finger off her teeth and rested her hands on my chest. “I like him. He’s talented, he’s smart, he knows how to turn my ideas into inventions.”  _ Why do I ask the obvious? Wait, less obvious _ . “What don’t you like about him?” “He’s kind of gullible, he’s quite timid, he’s shy.”  _ Thanks.  _ “Why give him the title?” she shuffled to let her hair fall all over and laid her head down, just below my neck. “He’s got the right intentions and he’s loyal. And he’s smart.”  _ Fair points _ . “ _ Why  _ bring him into your bedroom?” I asked, trying to look her in the eyes, but her hair was covering them. “It’s our bedroom, Kyoshi, and it’s because I can get ideas to go straight from me to him.” 

I took an additional,  _ the real reason _ , guess. “Also because you like lying in bed?” “You know me well, Kyoshi” and she took some of my hair and started playing with it. “You know he thinks you’re a prodigy.” “Am I not?” she asked, barely keeping her composure together. “You  _ are _ , but, are you sure he’s not trying to flatter you to win your support?” She broke into laughter. “He’s too naive to do that.” “Then why do you seem to be agreeing with him?” I asked, helping her by taking her hands and leading them to  _ more  _ of my hair. “It’s my ideas that he’s implementing. I say something, he discusses how realistic it is, before you know it, he’s waving a brush around.” “Is he not inventive?” I thought to ask, still a bit suspicious of the whole ‘flatter’ method of approach.  _ Then again, if Toph says he’s trustworthy, I trust her _ . “The Mechanist is. Satoru is, but he’s more of a ‘putting ideas together’ guy. He also informs me of whatever new ideas the Mechanist came up with. Like the Mark Three Punch Machine.” I tried to raise my finger in debate, but she was holding my hand down. So I voiced it instead. “I think it’s the Mark Three Strike Fighter-” “I don’t care, Kyoshi. It’s bigger than the first one and makes things go boom.” A more reasonable argument has yet to be made. Truly. 

I had fallen back asleep. The warm blanket and enjoyable company tends to do that. I was awoken by Toph shaking me and going “ _ Why  _ do you smell so fancy?” which was an utter shock for a man who  _ was  _ having a peaceful sleep. “I don’t know why,” I said, sluggishly.  _ Yes you do _ . Then I realized why. “Wait, it’s because I took a shower earlier.” “ _ Why _ ?” she asked. There was no way I could answer this. So I didn’t. I begged instead. “ _ Please  _ don’t dip me in mud.” “Not yet.” and I had this concern that she’d pull some dirt out of nowhere in particular and drench me in it. “What time is it?” I mumbled. For her part, Toph pulled on her eyelids.  _ Right, right, of course you wouldn’t know _ . I looked up and back and over at the window.  _ Mid-morning? Looks like mid-morning _ .  _ I’ve only got one-eye, so maybe it’s actually nighttime _ . “It’s probably night, Kyoshi.”  _ There you go _ ,  _ the sarcasm is appreciated _ . I told her that “It’s probably the middle of the day.” So, being Toph, she put her hand on my good eye and said “ _ Now  _ it’s night.” I pulled the hand that did not want to leave off and placed it back at her side. 

I was thinking of giving her a back massage,  _ it’s been a while _ , but then I remembered  _ you have an airplane to go fly _ . “Toph?” I softly asked. “I’m asleep,” the person asleep replied. “Toph?” “I’m asleep.” “Toph?” “Still asleep.” “Can I go flying?” She made  _ quite  _ certain I could  _ see  _ her fist when she tightened it and lightly slammed my chest. “I can make you go flying.”  _ No, no, not like that _ . “I meant flying the Mark Three-” but she, being Toph, cut me off. “Go ahead. Just let me sleep.” So I rolled off the bed and got up. Once up, I asked “Would you like a back massage?” 

I must’ve spent another  _ dian  _ on a back massage. It was very worth it. It requires a completely different kind of skill set compared to something like swordsmanship or  _ flying _ , but it’s easy on the hands. Or… that’s a lie. For Toph, I’m supposed to hammerfist her back. Again. And again. And again. And again. As I gave the massage, I felt bad that Suki wasn’t here to do it for me, since she’s far, far, better. Toph wasn’t afraid to point this out. “I  _ know  _ you wish your cousin was here to do this.”  _ I guess you and I think quite similarly. Not a shock, she’s the best at chi-enhancing massages.  _ “I do,” I admitted. “You’re better than she is.”  _ Why thank you, but we both know that’s a lie _ . “I’m not better.” The Empress flexed herself, an  _ excellent  _ way of throwing off the specific rhythm one has to maintain.  _ Rhythm? No, no, coverage amount. Or… whatever, massage-stuff. Easier done than said _ . “You  _ are _ better.” “I am not.” “You’re awful at most things, but charging headfirst into battles and giving massages are two of your most redeeming qualities.”  _ Stop. Being soft because you’re getting what you want is no excuse for being softer than usual. You’re the Badgermole Empress or some fancy title like that _ .  _ Besides _ , “What about being a pillow?” “That, too.” “I’ve three redeeming qualities?” “Probably more, but be quiet and finish oiling up my back like some kind of engine.”  _ As my Empress commands _ . So… I did that, I took the oils and oiled up her back for maximum hammerfist potential.

One extremely satisfying, for both of us, her as a recipient and me as an ability to test my skills, back massage later, I departed to change into proper clothes. Toph’s energy was rejuvenated twice over and decided to “Go try some new metalbending.” As we split up for the rest of the day, she gave me a shoulder punch and I gave her a kowtow.  _ I know, I know _ .  _ Don’t be so fancy _ .  _ Can’t help it _ . Toph changed out of her sleep clothes and into her wrestler garb in her bedroom, I went to change into the “Imperial Pilot Uniform” in mine. Officially mine. It’s a new type of uniform, made in honor of ‘standardized piloting clothes’ except blue, because Kyoshi Island. It’s got a chest plate and some padding to counter high winds. But compared to the other clothes I’ve worn, only the Imperial Informal Robe is lighter. That’s a testament either to the designers of this wear or whichever dead-for-a-thousand-years man came up with the idea of having all of us wear heavy clothes. Except the Empress, obviously. Because… her formal clothes remain in a closet most of the year. Also because… she’s Toph and if she wants to dress in a light wrestler outfit, she will. 

I departed with a  _ proper  _ retinue of a platoon of Imperial Guards. And my  _ yunjiwei _ , Zhu. Because he’s sworn to follow me around. And by following I mean following and carrying the  _ shuang-shao jian _ . Most Guards were carrying lances with banners on them for pompousness’ sake. The two lines of Imperial Guards formed up, again, in the Inner and Outer Courtyard, partitioning the pathway for my usage. The members of Court who were halfway between Morning and Afternoon Court had to get into their kowtows out of respect to me and my strangely-dressed outfit. And Nan, of course. Because Nan  _ has  _ to come along. Because he’s Nan. And if he doesn’t come along, he’ll be sad. Even if he doesn’t do anything, running after my ostrich horse is entertaining for him. As is seeing all these court officials in kowtows. The Fire Lord’s dragon was not present.  _ Where did he go?  _ Gongs sounded as we left through the South Gate. 

We rode down the Central Axis Road and towards the Mechanist’s  _ siheyuan _ . As we arrived, the Fire Lord’s pet decided to announce his presence with a  _ screech _ . I looked up and towards the source of the sound and spotted the gigantic creature swooping past, ripping our flags off with the wind generated by his flaps, and over towards the Imperial Palace.  _ Back from a more interesting plot line somewhere? I’d guess so _ . Zhu was petrified,  _ as any reasonable man would be _ , but regained his senses when he remembered that that mythical creature is at peace with us. We stopped to collect our flags,  _ always important to look fancy _ , and once done rode for the airport and attached structures. The  _ siheyuan  _ was decorated with even more banners than I last remember. And as we arrived, a bunch of guards came out to greet us dressed in green-and-white. One of them noted that I was in fact me and yelled “Summon Gan-Lan!” 

A man dressed like a humble merchant of cabbage walked out of the  _ siheyuan _ , guarded by a bodyguard corps of fancy green-and-white robed men, and kowtowed to me.  _ What an odd juxtaposition _ . One of the more vocal guards announced “Your Majesty, this is Gan-Lan.” And his guards  _ bowed  _ to him. He then offered a bow to me.  _ But… you don’t even look that important _ . “Gan-Lan, why are you in the top Air Corps research and design facility?” 

The man had a very old nasal voice. “Because, Your Majesty, I’ve many years experience with weapons design.”  _ But… you’re dressed like a Lower Ring stall owner.  _ I dismounted my ostrich horse and absolutely  _ towered  _ over this man. “What experience?” I rested my hands on my short  _ jian  _ scabbard, just in case. “I ran the Omashu Black Market for thirty years.” Then, one of this man’s peons stepped in. “Gan-Lan is the proprietor of The Cabbages, the hit music band based in Omashu.”  _ I’m sorry, ‘The Cabbages’ _ . Lieutenant Taishi was giving me this ‘is Your Majesty sure this isn’t a dream of some kind’ look, certifying  _ why  _ I like bringing this man along. Likewise, my  _ yunjiwei _ looked… very confused. Formally confused “So you run an underground,  _ illegal _ , weapons trade, and… a music group.” “That’s right!” his nasal voice stated. “What do the two have in common?” I gestured to my blade, “By my ancestors ethics, I should have you executed for illegal weapons trade.” He didn’t bow. “Your Majesty, Omashu was never part of the Empire proper. And I worked in Omashu.” He was saved from my… confusion… by the arrival of the engineer from earlier, Satoru.  _ Sorry, ‘Lord’ Satoru _ . 

“Your Majesty! I see you’ve met Gan-Lan.” and the engineer tried his best to do the hand-wave-introduce thing while wearing thick, oil-slicked, gloves. “I’ve met Gan-Lan” I grimaced, “And I’d like a reason not to execute him.” Satoru tugged on one of this merchant’s cuffs. “He’s part of the Empire, Your Majesty. Gan-Lan’s one of the continent’s most prominent experts on explosives.” “And where to get them” the nasal-and-annoying man added. “He gave us the designs for the new crossbow bolts.”  _ I… wait so you’re telling me an illegal weapons dealer has more advanced gear than… you know what, forget it. Fine. This is the Empire. Why not _ .  _ We have the endless bureaucracy to worry about, the black market does not have endless bureaucracy to worry about.  _

“What does the band have to do with anything?”  _ Because that’s still mighty weird _ . “It gave me a legal income.” “Legal.”  _ Okay, another question _ . “Does Omashu not… you know, have a tax ministry of some kind? Wouldn’t they discover your trade?” “They might have, but the Minister of Finance happened to be a massive fan of the tea shop chain I owned. She loved it  _ so  _ much she forgot about the rest of it.” I could only  _ slowly  _ turn around and look dumbfounded at my companions. Then, much,  _ much  _ quicker, turn back towards him. “So you’re open about being corrupt, you’re open about illegal practices, you’re open about manipulation,  _ why  _ do I not have your head?” “Because the Empire pays me well, Your Majesty. Instead of having to  _ hide  _ my inventions from the backwards do-nothing ‘neutral jing’ King of Omashu and mask it with underpriced cabbage sales, I can be open about what I do and don’t know here.”  _ I… you know, I’ve got no words _ . I looked at Satoru for inspiration,  _ sadly none _ , then back at this man.

“And how does all this relate to the Air Corps?” The nasal-voiced man explained his own recruitment to me. “Forty years of designing weapons. Thousand of gold pieces, anything I need financed by the Empire.” he put his hands together and suddenly produced a green cookie. “Cabbage cookies!”  _ I… I’m sorry what?  _ “Oh, and also, Omashu’s creative alchemists came up with new types of blasting jelly  _ long  _ before anyone else.”  _ You know what, you’re so genuinely mad… I don’t even have words.  _ “Satoru”. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Take me inside.” “Yes, Your Majesty.” 

“Your Majesty” the head of all technological development  _ might  _ have been old, but he looked young beyond his years. He dropped into a kowtow. “The Mechanist, it’s a pleasure.” I offered him a bow. Behind him, a couple men with similar outfits to Satoru’s were working on a wheeless aircraft. The piece of machinery looked to be cut in half, with all the interior components exposed.  _ No, not exposed, they’re using it as a base to tweak.  _ “I heard that a prototype strike aircraft had been designed for me.” “That’s correct, Your Majesty.” and he turned to walk towards the hangar door, as if to say ‘follow me’. So I did. “I’d much desire to take this aircraft on a test flight.” “The  _ Azure King  _ waits in the next hangar over, Your Majesty.”  _ Azure King? What?  _ I followed the Mechanist, this weird Omashuan fellow and his turban followed me, and Satoru tagged along like the jittering mechanic that he is. 

“This-” the Mechanist professionally slapped the side of the aircraft, “-houses clips of crossbow bolts.” He then reached up to fumble with the crossbow. “See this?” and he gestured to some kind of mechanical… It looked like a loose ladder made of metal. “What is it?” I, the educated Emperor, asked. “It’s a belt-fed repeating crossbow.”  _ I don’t understand what that means _ . “What does that mean? How does it function?” The Mechanist called for “the test model of the Mark Three Belt-Fed Repeater!” and a pair of helpers ran back inside. A  _ fen  _ later, they reemerged with a “ _ that’s it _ ” sized crossbow. It looked to be the same size as a regular crossbow, but the other helper was holding a long string of crossbow bolts. The first man handed the crossbow to the Mechanist, who took it, walked over towards the runway, and pointed it at the meadowlands across from us. “Lord Satoru! Is there anyone landing?” he shouted. Satoru looked around, “No!” “Safety!” the Mechanist yelled. We walked out of the hangar. “Safety!” The Mechanist yelled again. Any and all staff were confirmed to be out of the way before he proceeded. Then, he then drew the crossbow once while the second helper shoved the belt into the bottom of the crossbow, making a pair of  _ click _ ing sounds. He took aim, “Watch this, Your Majesty” and I  _ did _ . 

He pulled on the trigger. And a bolt was flung out and sent flying into the meadow across from us. Namely, a small  _ boom _ as it  _ exploded  _ when it touched the ground. Then he pulled on the trigger, the small trigger, and another bolt was launched. And another. And another. And another. One, two, three, four, five,  _ ten _ . As fast as I could count, he’d launch two. He kept pulling on the trigger until the bolts stopped being launched. At which point, he gave the trigger another couple pulls “To make sure it’s safe”, before handing it back to the first helper. 

The Imperial Guards, the  _ yunjiwei _ , Nan, all were taken aback by what we just saw. They had fallen slack jawed. “ _ That’s  _ what that-” and I pointed at the crossbow on the front of the biplane, “-is?” Satoru smiled. “It is, Your Majesty. I came up with the original model after studying Fire Nation bomb bays.” I hit his back, “I don’t care if you had the idea in a cactus-juice laced dream.  _ I want in _ .” And I marched over to the biplane.  _ Oh yeah, the biplane _ .

It was blue. A kind of mid-twilight blue. It shimmered from fresh paint. The paint was ‘deemed’ fireproof.  _ We’ll have to put that to the test _ . The aircraft had gold fans in place of the green earth coin for markings. Special markings. And, next to where I’d climb in, just beneath the rim, small black teardrops for my aerial victories at Sozin’s Comet and Azure Harbor and other markings for ‘defeating deserters’ in the Feicui. 

Before I could climb into the biplane, Nan licked my side. “No, Nan, you can’t come along.” The _yunjiwei_ gave me a look of ‘do you want me to come along’ and again, I refused. _There’s no Kotyan. He’s busy guarding the Empress. And Suki’s… not here_. “Taishi.” “Yes, Your Majesty?” “I order you to stay here.” Then, remembering I’m in the Empire, I changed the command slightly. “Not _here_ , but stay on the ground.” “Yes, Your Majesty.” and the Imperial Guards backed up. “Nan” I had to _politely_ remove the wolf-dog’s tongue from my leg. He whined in happiness, _he’s licking me after all_. “Nan. Stay.” He gave a sad whine. “ _Stay_.” He gave another sad whine. “ _Stay._ ” He whined again. “ _Stay_. I’ll come back for you later.” and I let him lick my face. I gave him a kiss on the forehead, he licked my face again, and he _finally_ complied. It’s heart-wrenching to have to leave him behind, but the sky’s no place for a wolf-dog. The Mark One Strike Fighter was nicknamed ‘The Flying Coffin’, the Mark Two’s probably already earned the name. Should this prototype Mark Three prove it’s past two incarnations in name, I’d rather be the _only_ casualty. 

That all said, Satoru,  _ first _ , and me,  _ second _ , comprehensively checked the aircraft. Another  _ dian  _ of time checking everything from the propellers to the ailerons. Just as I was finishing all this, a famous wheelchair-bound young man came rolling into sight. “Teo!” I shouted, absolutely elated to be in his presence. “Your Majesty” the humble-voiced man bowed with his hands. “I heard you were taking to the skies again!” he beamed with happiness, even through the embarrassment of being publicly hugged by his father. “What brings the best pilot in the Empire to me? You want to give some flight lessons?” and I sat down and looked him in the eyes. With a smile, “I’m  _ up  _ for some,” he said, awkwardly laughing at that. “I just got done with ground school on the Fourth Squadron, you want to join us in flight?” I stood back up,  _ no point in bowing while on the ground _ , and bowed. “I’d be honored.” “Great!” he punched the air. “Go show ‘em a thing or two” and he gave the sky a few good jabs. “I think you’d show them more, Teo.” “Come on, they’d have to look  _ down  _ to find me. It’s better for students to look  _ up _ .” and he rolled backwards. “As you wish, teacher.” No really, Teo’s my teacher in this. He may be younger than me, but while I’m busy being a pillow, he’s doing backflips in mid-air. “I’ll wait on your taxi!” “Got it, I’ll see  _ you  _ soon, Your Majesty!” and the two of us parted. 

I hopped inside my biplane and went over some final touches. I put on the aircraft gloves custom-made for me and my sword-hardened hands.  _ No, they’re just there because someone decided operating this control stick needed gloves _ . I put the flight goggles on and tightened the woolen cap around my head so it wouldn’t go flying. I know, the Emperor and his queue wearing such simple-yet-new clothes, how weird. The manual’s still included,  _ good _ . I went through all the stages, checking various turning and banking components from the safety of a place where turning and banking  _ won’t  _ lead to a crash. Because I’m on the ground. This aircraft required a propeller-start, like all previous ones, and probably all future ones. 

“ _ Propeller! Hit it! _ ”, no, there’s absolutely no way that command won’t sound awesome to say, and Satoru had the honor of pulling real hard on the propeller while I flipped the right switches and  _ vroom _ . The propeller fired up. The Imperial Guards, as is customary, drew their  _ dao  _ to salute me. I began taxiing.  _ Hold short of the runway, wait for Teo _ . I had enough time,  _ note there’s no such thing as too much time when preparing to fly _ , to check and re-check and re-re-check and re-re-re-check and re-re-re-re-check my checklist. Not long after I finished, Teo arrived.

A space had been left between his aircraft and the one behind him. Some hand signals told me that I could go between him and the next pilot. So I  _ slowly  _ taxied into the gap. At the same time, the Imperial Guards shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” The pilots that had showed up to see their Emperor take to the skies once again cried a slightly different song. “ _ Higher, into the sky! Us bastard sons are gonna die! _ ” I gave them a charismatic smirk and they repeated the short chorus of what I imagine is a much longer song.  _ One day, I’ll learn it _ . Then I turned my focus towards the aircraft ahead of me.  _ Let’s do this _ . 

Leaving the pull of the ground is an experience that can’t be put into words. It needs to be  _ felt _ . Everything’s suddenly much, much lighter. To the same note, even the gentlest tug on the stick could send the aircraft into an uncontrollable dive. Thus: Take deep breaths,  _ deep breaths _ , and focus. Treat this like a duel. A duel where either you do everything  _ perfect  _ or you die. When I could finally pull my focus off looking straight ahead, and the control stick, and the  _ slow, deep, breaths, gentle, gentle,  _ I could look around. I was behind Teo’s biplane, the other aircraft had formed up on my sides.  _ Very good, then _ . Teo dipped his wings to the left, sending a signal to the rest of us to look left. And to the left, a massive field of half-destroyed obsolete tank models,  _ the old caterpillars _ and the Great Hay Army. Teo pulled so far back on his stick that he did a  _ loop _ , letting me go past him to take the lead. 

_ Alright, we’ll take this length-to-length _ . I lead the squadron ahead and on towards the edge of the ‘training area’. The training area is  _ massive _ . I kept a good eye,  _ the good eye _ , left and honed in on the end of this ‘convoy’. I turned left and  _ alright, let’s see if this repeating crossbow works _ . Soon enough, I had banked around in a half-circle and was now straight-on with the old tanks.  _ Okay, gently, focus, breathe, press down, hit the trigger _ . Another couple  _ miao _ . I pressed forward, dipping my nose towards the ground  _ just a little bit _ .  _ Sights say the tank’s lined up. Hit it! _ . I did.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk _ . Five times. And… 

_ Boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom _ . A small dust cloud was kicked up from the sight of the five projectiles hitting.  _ Yes! Yes! _ . I pulled back to avoid diving too far. In the meantime, looking left,  _ not right so much _ , showed that my squadron mates were strafing the ground around the tanks at the same time.  _ So they’re taught coordination. Very good _ . Twenty  _ miao  _ later, I had ascended enough to repeat the tactic.  _ Lean forward. Gently. Breathe. Tap the trigger. Be nice to it and it will be nice to you _ . I grabbed the trigger with all my gloved might and pulled on it five times. Five  _ thunks _ . I missed the caterpillar tanks but hit the mob of hay men marching to the side. Pieces of hay people were sent flying.  _ Pull back. _ The aircraft to my sides were copying me. Teo had… taken to flying off elsewhere in the large training area. I know this because out of the corner of my sight I spotted a single aircraft that just tried to fly towards the Sun, spun around and dropped two small dots on something. Whichever hay battalion lay beneath him was sent to the stars. 

I led us down the length of the convoy once again.  _ Pull back, lean forward.  _ Five thunks. This time, I hit a tank and some space behind it due to my method of approach. Didn’t matter  _ that  _ much, I couldn’t look hard or long but it looked like the tank had a large hole in it. And if that was my imagination  _ because there’s like… not that much explosive in these bolts _ , it didn’t matter. Being hit with explosives from a perspective you didn’t expect is hard enough. Besides, the hay ostrich horse company was obliterated by my companion’s strafing. 

Is coming at them from odd angles better? Probably.  _ Flying requires the use of airbender tactics _ . I tried that next. There was a small ‘battleline’ of hay men that had formed up to fight imaginary opponents. They were my goal. A hard bank right, go forward for a  _ fen _ , slowly turn around, and my eye locked back on the battleline. I chose to use some hand signals,  _ split _ ting my fingers apart and  _ spread _ ing my hand out. The pilots on either side understood this and split from one duck-goose flock into a couple individual raven-eagles.  _ Lean forward. Gently. Gently. Grab the trigger.  _

A squadron of aircraft let loose with a half-dozen  _ thunks  _ at the same time. The Great Hay Defensive Line was annihilated.  _ Boom  _ after  _ boom _ after  _ boom _ after  _ boom _ rocking the air itself. Hay shrapnel was sent five hundred feet further back. But our sally wasn’t done. One of the pilots added a small encore performance:  _ Kaboom.  _ The Not-so-great Hay Defensive Line quite literally had a hole blown in it. That reminded me,  _ you, too, have a bomb. Probably _ . We gave the airbase a fly-by pass, earning more cheers from the small gold-and-green ants below, and banked right to go back towards the tank line. Somewhere far ahead,  _ once behind _ , us, Teo was single handedly demolishing a mock fort using amazing acrobatic maneuvers like ‘fly really close to the ground and blast a hole in the wooden gate before pulling back up’ or ‘do a loop when above the fort and bombard the interior with bolts’.  _ I’m going to have to try those again _ . But for now, I had to destroy a gathering of some ten tanks in a two-by-five formation.

_Unhook the button safety_. Safety snapped off, bounced off my goggles before taking flight. _Good to see the models still have nonexistent safety measures._ _Hit the button_. I didn’t know exactly when I’d pass the tanks, but I hit the button anyways. _And… nothing. Hit the button again_. A clicking sound was barely audible over the loud engine. Soon enough, a quite audible _boom_ rippled through the air as _something_ faced the full might of the Third version of the Flying Coffin. A carefully calculated, _definitely_ , spin had me see that, _thankfully_ , my bomb hit its target. Kind of. 

Another two or three  _ dian  _ passed. The other aircraft and I had slowly taken to shelling the convoy into nothingness. And, because we’re the Empire, all the land for half a thousand feet in either direction.  _ Because who needs accuracy? _ My men were able to pull off quite elegant twists and turns, I one-upped them, flying above them before turning on a copper piece and going beneath them. This is because  _ my  _ model’s got even better turning mechanisms. Their biplanes could also turn quite well, but not  _ as  _ well. The more I watched them bank, the more I think ‘to turn on a copper piece’ is an accurate statement. Teo demonstrated that if you ascend at  _ just  _ the right perspective, not too steep, you can twist around and fly towards the direction you just approached.  _ I’m sure whoever would be chasing you would be dead by now, Teo _ . For my part, I gave the airbase another couple fly-bys.  _ I ain’t going near the Imperial Palace this time. Nope.  _

I reformed the air wing and we circled the airbase again and again while I settled into a pattern. Down on the ground, a single daring man whose name I’d likely never know was waving us in.  _ Good thing it’s partly cloudy, not stormy _ . Because I led the squadron, I opted to go in first. Descending is easy. Landing is moderate. Surviving is hard. I lined up the runway and went in. Slowly,  _ slowly _ . I didn’t drop the nose,  _ that’d kill you _ , but I pulled back while falling forward.  _ I know that doesn’t make sense _ . I pulled back while my biplane  _ gently  _ landed. That ‘rubber meets earth’ south  _ is  _ a good one, even if it doesn’t sound like it is. 

I touched down near the end of the runway and tried to get off the runway as fast as possible. Once I did, I turned the  _ Azure King _ to the left and taxied back and forth up and down the taxiway before coming to a  _ real  _ halt at the main hangar. The Imperial Guards and fellow pilots cheered my return. I couldn’t hear anything specific, but lots of “Azure King!” cries at seeing the blue dot blow multiple holes in one army. 

All that needed to be said was said by the Mechanist. “Had this been real, Your Majesty would’ve had the second highest number of kills.”  _ Let me guess... _ “Behind Teo?” The Mechanist simply bowed his head and smiled.  _ That’s a yes _ . So… this Gan-Lan’s permitted to stay around.  _ Maybe I’ll attend a performance by ‘The Cabbages’ one day. _

More importantly, a new title! Extra special this time,  _ for me and my biplane _ .  _ Long live ‘The Azure King!’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the newest ship in the Imperial Navy is launched. It's a real beast of steel.   
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -Drums were sounded at the changing of the gengs.   
> -The newer model of biplane has no specific design inspiration, as any new features or changes were commonplace in Great War-era biplanes.   
> -Satoru gave a Fire Nation bow because he was taught that style of courtesy from the Colonies.  
> -Gan-Lan is the Cabbage Merchant.  
> -The Cabbage Merchant is secretly the crime boss of a massive underground black market that sells weapons and creates new models of weapons.   
> -"The Cabbages" is based on "The Beatles" and other similarly named bands from the 60s.   
> -Gan Lan was able to travel across the Earth continent so easily because he's secretly a crime boss with lots of connections.  
> -The Azure King is named in honor of the Red Baron.  
> -I know the repeating crossbow isn't a machine gun, but I figured that, with the right mechanism, the crossbow could be automatically drawn and reloaded. From there, it's a matter of loading crossbows. Which could be done with a belt-fed magazine. The crossbow bolts could be smaller than usual, which would allow more of them to fit.   
> -Piloting is always going to be a difficult task. Most of the 'take your time' lessons Mori mentions here are paraphrased from ones I've heard from real pilots. Check your aircraft, take your time, focus. You need to be in a completely clear state of mind to take off. Slow and methodical is the way to go. Mori's... not slow and methodical, but even he submits to the rules put forth.


	83. A Beast Made of Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Imperial Navy coronates it's newest ship:  
> A vessel that is neither a carrier or a battleship, but it's sure fancy!

Chapter One Hundred and Forty Nine:

Early morning rides. I’d rank them somewhere between ‘I strongly dislike it’ and ‘I’m of moderate opinion of it’. Why? Morning’s for being a pillow to my Empress,  _ it’s my Imperial obligation after all _ , and enjoyable walks around the Imperial Palace Gardens. And answering the backlog of Memorials. And more being a pillow. And giving my Empress a back massage. And bow practice. And blade practice. 

Speaking of... I have this whole set of blades I need to become _good_ at. Some are more intuitive than others, like the matched _jian_ , some are much harder than expected, like the _dadao_. Some are… a bit too short, like the naval _jian_ which feels like poking someone with a piece of kitchen cutlery. _I know I know it’s meant for the navy, but… it’s so small_. Some should be difficult to use, but due to my body type and my strenuously high near-obsessive amount of training are extremely easy to twirl around, like the _shuang-shao_ _jian_. 

In review of them: the matched _jian_ pair work excellently. They flow quite well. The _guandao_ also flows quite well, but the hand placement isn't something I’m a fan of. Having to swing the _whole_ thing around just to cut someone, well a hay man is not a real being, but a real person is a real person, with the bladed end is annoying. The _dadao_ is far too cumbersome. One large cutting edge, great, but I only really feel the weight of it on the downstroke. _I’m definitely going to parry all those enemy downward strokes while trying to maneuver this weighted piece of metal around._ The _shuang-shao jian_ , on the other hand, works from all directions. And unlike the _dao_ blades, it’s thrust-able. It might not go through armor, _or it might, meteorite blades have sharp properties_ _and not all armor is equal_ , but anything less will get impaled on the power of a five Consort’s feet blade. The short _jian_ is quite fast, but lacks range. It’s also one of the few _definitely one hander_ options in my armory. That said, the only practical use I see, _ha_ , in it is for naval battles or city combat. _Why wouldn’t that be it’s intent? It was designed to be used in both situations_. 

Then there’s also the assortment of daggers I was given, all made from the fallen star. There’s one for either boot, and one on my waist sash with the option for more, and if I was wearing different arm armor, I could probably fit a scabbard on the underside of my arm.  _ Daggers, inspired by Suki’s secret sarashi blades.  _ In the words of my cousin, ‘you may see no need for such a blade now, but there may come a day when you need to use it’. Her secret daggers were proof of this. And I’ve trained to go right for the splits in armor, splits due to the need for joint movement. The neck, the arms, the elbows, the waist. Not to mention, the  _ jian  _ I’ve used for a year and more. 

The Cranefish style I practice may be extremely rare, but the Imperial Archives contain rare knowledge. And Song knows the rare forms. He knows what I need to learn,  _ I always need to learn _ . He knows where I’m weak,  _ my right _ , and knows how to correct it. As aforementioned, I also rise to practice archery. Even if my archery is considered ‘excellent’ by the minds of Song and other martial tutors of mine, there’s no reason to stop practicing. Who knows, a day may come when I need to launch an arrow further than anyone else. Optimally, it’d be: rise, go for a walk, practice morning forms, go to Court, then the rest of the day. Practically, it’s usually whatever I’m able to get done since my life is mostly a game of catch-up with all the tasks I haven’t yet completed  _ along with  _ ensuring my blade and bow skills are absolutely the freshest they can be.  _ It's not like I don’t use them _ . 

Recent letters from the Head of the Dai Li  _ ‘excused’ _ ,  _ that’s the word he used _ , my absences from Court in the name of ‘ _ improving martial skill _ ’. As I’m an Imperial Commander, it has been deemed  _ ‘more important’  _ for me to train and read the Memorials later. Besides, technically it’s the Empress’s responsibility to attend Morning Court. Bohai seems quite… passive, but the Imperial Attendant Palace Clerk or whatever his name is does a decent job of compiling Morning and Afternoon Court into something edible. Speaking of being an Imperial Commander…

As Imperial Commander, I was called to attend the coronation of a ship. Was I notified the night before that, upon the first blue band of twilight breaking through the darkness, I’d be called to by a courtier summoning me? No, of course not. Toph didn’t mind my early rising, she was up early for different purposes that I wasn’t going to find out. Just, you know, ‘I’ve got reasons to be awake’. Maybe it was the sleepiness,  _ it probably was _ , but normal Toph’s not that vague. Then again, normally the Empress isn’t one to get up really early. Did I bother asking? No, not really, she’s the Empress, if she wants to wake up really ‘early’, she’s free to. Not that she knows that, since she can’t tell time let alone know the difference between day and night. We traded the usual: I gave her a hair massage through the power of long fingers and did her hair for her, she gave me a shoulder massage through the power of slamming her fist into my shoulder and making me rub it while pondering if this would be one of those bruises that would go away sooner or later.  _ Not that I mind, they’re great punches. Black and blue just doesn’t go well with green and blue _ . Then again, maybe  _ that’s  _ why most uniforms don’t let my shoulders be shown.  _ No, that’s dumb _ . 

I then walked between her bedroom and mine. The attendants said their usual soft well-meaning complimenting of me and my hair and all that, I took a shower, they helped me do my hair back up, and I was helped into the jangling General’s uniform: The Imperial Jewelry Store as one amazing cousin of mine called it. Nan whined, he wanted a fancy outfit too. Instead, I gave him some head rubs since he wasn’t going to boil today.  _ And I was _ . 

As one of the highest ranked officers in the Imperial  _ Army _ , I could only wonder why, in a sluggish confusion, I was being requested to arrive at an event of the Imperial  _ Navy _ . But I’m also the Emperor, so maybe that has something to do with it.  _ Wait, no it doesn’t, or maybe it does, but I’m not alone, because of this:  _ I wasn’t the only officer going. As I descended the Thousand Steps, a courtier finally returned to me with news that the rest of the Council of Five was ‘planning’ to attend.  _ Planning _ . I’ll always write such events up to irony: We love the formalities of the Empire until the formalities start summoning us at uncomfortable times to attend events we likely have little interest in. At that point, we publicly smile and nod our heads along with doing whatever the Emperor,  _ ahem, I’m aware of the hypocrisy and that’s why I’m calling it out here _ , or the government summons us to do. In private, we… would all really like to go back to sleep, or practice, or something else. Not ‘put on official dress and march off to some port somewhere’. But… alas, the Empire’s held together by everyone agreeing that we need to do all this,  _ or something like that _ .

Wait, wait, wait, I would argue. Don’t take that as a disliking for a ship’s coronation. Take it as a disliking that instead of practicing a new  _ guandao  _ form where I spin it around my head at one point to ‘clear a circle’ around me, I was getting dressed and getting  _ dressed  _ for attending a ship’s coronation. It’s well known how much the Empress hates the fragrances of crushed flowers and fruit concoctions.  _ Don’t tell anyone, tree, but she also stopped to roll around in the flowers on our ‘two of us on the run from the Lord of Gaoling’ run way north. But that’s not for others to know. May Agni help us, me especially, if it’s revealed that she did that _ . The Empress’s favorite scent, aside from spruce moss,  _ whatever that is, even I do not know _ , is the smell produced when rain hits mud. Behind that, evergreen mountains just after a rainstorm. What all of these have in common is that they aren’t the smell of flower petals that just bloomed, or red flowers, or white flowers, or purple flowers. Flowers. Maybe I’ve spent too much time in the close company of the Empress, maybe I’m just tree-man, but I’ll gladly take the fragrances she prefers over whatever the Empire deems as ‘formally appropriate’ for these events. 

Why is all of this relevant?  _ Why is anything relevant?  _ This repulsive combination of soaps was what I wore to this event.  _ I can intimidate all of you with what noblewomen scent themselves with to appear in-the-times and fashionable! It’ll match my manly, manly bedroom robe with split sides for movement! My manly, manly kimono-tunic, identical to the clothes the women of Kyoshi Island wear! Forget dragons or badgermoles, I prefer flowers blooming in spring! Ten Thousand Years! Manly manly dresses! The only thing better is wearing more jewelry than most noblewomen wear. And, whereas the jewels the noblewomen wear are stylistic and pretty… I’m just wearing a bunch of gold and silver and gem-encrusted medals specifically assorted to show off the ‘most important’ ones on the top. Of course, nobody even knows what these medals mean, so unless they’re carrying an encyclopedia of medals around, it just looks stupid.  _

An early morning ride through the Upper Ring isn’t as calming as everyone thinks it is.  _ Who is everyone? What is everyone? Who is debating this? Nobody. Who am I talking to? My peers are either generals far older than me, or attendants, or courtiers. I don’t have any peers who are my age or have anything remotely similar to my experiences except my cousin -and she’s off in the Southlands- and my Empress.  _

Correction, a ride down the Upper Ring isn’t as amazing and exciting as all the poets might attribute it to be. There’s some birds. And some gongs. And a bell. And because we were in an Imperial Carriage and I’m the Emperor, the couple dozen people awake at this time who were out and about had to pile over to the sidewalks along the Central Axis Road to offer their well-wishes and kowtows and “Ten Thousand Years” and so on, and so on. My  _ yunjiwei  _ had also gotten up and got into court robes tailored for him, but as soon as he got to the carriage, he humbly requested permission to get some sleep, and I granted it to him.  A few  _ fen  _ later, the Imperial Carriage came to a stop at the train station where the Imperial Carriage was stationed. 

Nan hopped out first and ran over to one of the guards. As the two lines kowtowed in absolute fealty to their Emperor, Nan was whining what I  _ believe  _ is ‘Is that a snack?’. I diverted from my preordained path, broke my neutral expression and my professional stroll... to walk over to this one guard. He stayed in his kowtow. Had I not spotted the sweat beading on his forehead while I knelt, I would’ve thought he was as calm and collected as a stone. 

“What’s the problem, Nan?” I asked while sticking a hand into his fur. Clean fur, _because_ _someone just had a shower before we left. Someone shook themselves off and sent water flying everywhere. Isn’t that right, Nan?_ I gave him another head rub. He wagged his tongue. He whined again. I think he said ‘Is this a snack’ and stuck his snout into the man’s armor. I waved for the guards to rise and looked this one man in the eye. “Do you have any food on you?” The guard gave one look at me, then the wolf-dog, then back at me, and somehow was even _more_ scared in tone than before. “Yes...Your Majesty. Smoked… meat.” Nan sat down and looked up at me with a yearning gaze in his beady eyes. The wagging tongue was what did it. “Guard, please hand over the smoked meat.” 

The man reached into his armor and pulled a piece of what looked like pig-chicken meat out. I grabbed the meat and held it at an arm’s length from me. Nan got up, then stood on his hind legs and pulled it right out of my hand. I half-considered to wrestle him for fun, but I’ve learned that just as the Empress lives for body massages, Nan lives for this. _Well, no, he lives for hunting and bloodshed. Then again, Toph also lives for showcasing her earthbending prowess, which usually ends in bloodshed._ _And Sukes also lives for Kyoshi’s Ethics. Which is… more bloodshed, self-defense bloodshed._ I opted to recompense the Guard for this by pulling out a gold piece and flicking it to him. 

I boarded the Imperial Carriage. Zhu looked like he was about to drop a blade, and he wasn’t even carrying my blade around today, he was just carrying his own blade at his side. So I told him to go to sleep, he didn’t understand if that was an order or not, so I  _ ordered  _ him to go to sleep. He vanished down a side room and likely collapsed within a few  _ miao  _ of touching the bed.  _ Poor Zhu, someone also awoken with no forewarning _ . 

I felt quite… alone… in the Imperial Carriage. Especially when I sat down at a table. I know, I know, I’m surrounded by an entourage of attendants, some courtiers, a detachment of the Imperial Guard, probably some agents of the Dai Li hiding in the ceiling or the walls, but what’s my  _ personal  _ affinity with them? I didn’t grow up with any of them, and sadly they’re all just faces to me. They’re all extremely formal. They have to be. There’s no ‘making fun of my stupidity’ like my cousin or her bodyguards may do, because that’s illegal. The one thing I had going for me at that time was that the Imperial Metalbending Guard has the potential to be relaxed. They’re people with personalities, at least compared to the stone-faced Dai Li who…  _ okay they’re also people, but they don’t express it like normal people do _ . The attendants and courtiers  _ could  _ be relaxed, if they were off-duty. We’re not off-duty, though. We’re on a Carriage bound towards the Port of Datan along the shore of the East Lake. Because they have to maintain their professionalism for the day ahead. 

I was able to strike up a few  _ formal  _ conversations with a few of the Imperial Guards and learn a little more about a couple of them. The dancer Kang implements his fleet-footing into his metalbending. Bao, the jeweler’s son, still makes earrings in his off-duty time. He doesn’t really manage to  _ sell  _ any due to… you know, where he works, but some of the attendants have bought some from him. There were others, the best singer in the entire Imperial Guard Choir was joining me, Ning, not that he’d do any singing today. One of the Lees wants to get a hammer of his own since he was going to go into the smithing business before joining the military. Another one of the Lees wants to go visit his sister since she’s going to be giving birth soon. An Imperial Guard by the name of Ji was asking  _ another  _ Guard, Deng, I think it was, if he can paint the wedding portrait of Deng and his soon to be bride.  _ As I said, all these people do have personalities, they just don’t show them off, ever _ . Of course, in all facets of professionalism, this is not expected. 

I’m not expected to strike up these conversations. I’m not expected to talk to people who are ‘below me’ in rank like this.  _ Well, it’s my carriage, I’ll do as I please _ . Where these endless ‘expectations’ of a monarch do matter, I take them seriously and I  _ follow them _ . I’m expected to attend anything someone of my ‘stature’ is invited to. So, unless the Empress is personally pulling me out of them, I go. I’m expected to pretty myself up and dress as fancy as possible. So, even if I don’t want to, I’ll get dressed and make myself smell like a noblewoman. I’m expected to pray to my ancestors, and every morning, I get on my knees and pray to my ancestors. I’m expected to practice the martial and civil arts. So, unless the Empress pulls me out of them, I practice the blade and the bow and study the Archives. I’m expected to practice calligraphy, so I practice calligraphy. 

I’m far from perfect, and there’s always more to improve, but I try my best to fulfill the duties of being a monarch.  _ Speaking of expectations of a title _ ...

I aspire to one day asking the Avatar if he ever has the same pressure of responsibility put upon him. Sure, he’s the Avatar, but he has the Avatar State to solve his problems. And he’s the Avatar, his word is usually the highest form of law. He is revered by the people for accomplishments he might not have earned in this lifetime. But… does he  _ feel  _ the responsibility? Putting on a fancy robe that smells like a woman’s dress because he has to go attend a formal ceremony? Sitting in a Carriage and mentally rehearsing the upcoming events? Those might be specific, but the point is: does he ever really feel the sense of being formal? I’m going to guess ‘no’. 

He might have his Avatar duties, but his rank will always supersede any expectations of him. Because ‘he’s the Avatar’, the people will cry. The Empress is different, she earned her title, and her rebellion against formality is very well justified. As she said a few times back when we were first on the run together, ‘I was raised to follow court customs, I just choose not to.’ The Empire, also, does not have the permanency the Avatar has. If the Empress loses the people’s support, she loses their support. For as long as she has their support, she is exempt of the same laws the rest of us must follow. Her exemption only applies to herself, as the rightful monarch. It makes sense, it’s a reward for the one person capable of wielding the Mandate.  _ Though many pretenders have claimed it, and many will try to _ . In the Empire, all of us must do their duty, whether large or small. Whether we want to or not doesn’t matter. We have obligations to our ranks, servants and nobles alike. If my duty as Emperor is to dress up in a stupid flower-scented robe and go listen to a speech, I  _ will  _ commit myself to dressing up in a stupid flower-scented robe and listening to a speech.  _ The Avatar can just find a way out of such if he so wished to. And I’m sure he would _ .

Who would’ve thought contemplating the Avatar’s recklessness would help pass most of the rest of the time for me. By the time I was done, I had a smile on my face, because I  _ knew  _ that ‘the Avatar doesn’t take formal rules seriously.’ My smiles are rarer than one may realize, and one of the attendants asked “Is Your Majesty feeling alright?” after seeing such. I snapped out of my break in official-ness and responded, officially, “I’m feeling fine, I was just...content, about something I was thinking about.”  _ That’s a good way to put it. Content _ . The attendant said that “Your Majesty looks tired.” Then, in that sweet-as-spring voice they always have, she offered “Your Majesty’s bedroom has been prepared.” I looked out the window. The rise of the Sun had just graced us with streaks of red against the rural hills of Upper Ring  _ siheyuan  _ estates and the higher stories of the ‘city’-side government houses. 

I had a pre-prepared speech. It was wrapped up in a scroll, hanging from the tea-table by a small cord of rope. I didn’t write the speech, someone else did. I was only informed of such a speech on the ride over to the Imperial Carriage station. I didn’t have to say the words on the paper, I knew full well this speech was one of those ‘it’s highly suggested, Your Majesty’ speeches, because they can never be forced upon me, because I’m the Emperor. Was I going to read the speech scroll and try to rehearse it for the ship’s launch? It was definitely on my mind. But first… 

I wanted to get the rest of the sleep I was supposed to get first. After some time of silence,  _ I was given lots of that _ , I stood up and told the attendant “I’ll take that sleep now, thanks” and gave her a head nod. She beamed with joy and led me to the bedroom I’ve used many, many times. I placed that scroll on the nightstand, took off my boots, and tried to lie down while dressed like a warehouse of wind chimes. At least, at  _ least _ , they stop jangling if you stop moving. The attendant offered me a silken blanket “for the warmer weather, Your Majesty” and I accepted it. I wrapped myself up in it, Nan jumped on the bed and laid at my side, and I went to sleep.

I was awoken from sleep by my face being licked. I opened my good eye to see the snout of the best good boy, Nan. “Please...get off, I need to get up.” He twisted his head to the side, as if me wanting to leave was something confusing, and kept licking my face. I gave him a stomach rub and that got him to roll over and spread himself out,  _ he doesn’t need to, but he did anyways _ , to accept more stomach rubs. I sat up,  _ Jangle! Jangle! The jewelry cart has arrived! _ , and gave him such rubs, commenting “who’s the best good boy? You are!” and looked around to see where I was. First, the shadows told me it was noontime in a northern region like Ba Sing Se, or mid-morning or mid-afternoon in a more central region.  _ We’re still in the north… mostly, so it’s noontime _ . Second, we were passing over land that had no houses.  _ Not no, there were a couple farmhouses scattered around _ . So we were either in the Agrarian Zone or outside of the Walls entirely. I would’ve told my companion of the news, but I looked to my side and remembered that  _ Toph isn’t here _ and felt a bit sad… because it’s nice to go places with the Empress. 

“Where are we?” I shouted to the door. An unfamiliar voice responded “Datan Commandery, Your Majesty!” This wasn’t the voice of the door guard I know and embrace, no, she’s off… out in the Southlands somewhere.  _ Datan’s where the shipyard is. Of course.  _ I got up,  _ sorry Nan, the rubs have to stop for a moment _ , and stuck my feet into my boots. I got up,  _ jangle! _ , he whined for more, I gave him more stomach pats, and he whined happily in approval. Then he gave me a reward of one hand lick. I looked around and,  _ right, right, of course, the scroll _ . 

Was now the time to read the scroll? It might’ve been, so I read the scroll. And by read, I mean I read, but more like skimmed, it. I was going to see…  _ ‘The IEN Dongfang is the first of it’s class… built on the design of the Empire-class Battleship… heavy artillery for coastal assaults… anti-aircraft… the best metalbenders worked for three seasons to build it…’  _ something about conversion into a  _ ‘heavy assault cruiser _ ’,  _ ‘... it will be the first of the Dongfang-class with sister ships Liaoyang and Beidiqiu still in construction…’  _ Okay, I’ll admit, I stopped reading it halfway through because I was hungry.  _ So I’m visiting a ship being launched to sea. Great _ .  _ Why is this the speech I’ll be giving? Shouldn’t whoever the admiral doing this… shouldn’t it be his job?  _ I didn’t get to answer it because of the aforementioned desire to give myself sustenance,  _ since lunch is always a good idea _ . 

I went out to the aisle. The two Imperial Guards and some passing attendants kowtowed, as always. I went over to get some lunch, since it appeared to be noon and that meant it was probably time to get lunch. Sure enough, at the same table I was sitting at earlier, an attendant was placing a dish of turtle-duck, still simmering in it’s own juices. Also, other bowls of appetizers and side-dishes. Exotic salads and the like. I thanked the attendant, she beamed, and sat down to eat lunch. Nan sat down next to me and gobbled some treats from a bowl next to me. 

Time passed. More time passed. Even more time passed. The train whirred along making that faint grinding noise. We slowed down once to let the train-pushers swap. I dined on my lunch and pondered what I was going towards. Was I going to read the speech? No. I kept getting distracted by other things, like the villages off to our west. Slightly rolling countryside. The spires at the middle of the villages. The ages of the villages. 

The oldest first generation houses are made of the same stone as the ground beneath them and have the same stone roofs designs. The structures are always placed in a block around the spire and town center. Why did every village have this pattern? The first generation structures were built with defense in mind.  _ They’d use the houses themselves as a wall _ . The second generation was more spread out with some houses surrounding the village center and some further out in the farmlands. The second generation’s houses were still made of the same stone as below them, but land was put aside to give them private gardens. The third generation had second and third stories and had large yards around their properties. And their roofs included lots of green shingles. Not to mention, it appeared as if a few, one or two, first generation homes were demolished to make way for the village green’s tiny excuse of a ‘commercial area’. Each village would have a farmer’s market, a smithy or two, a small barracks, and at best, a messenger hawk post.

Were these villages always here? I don’t know. Most villages south of Ba Sing Se are probably quite new, less than five years old, formed by the villagers-turned-refugees of an older village built on the very same land. Refugees who fled to Ba Sing Se and came back. So their dynasties may have lived on those grounds forever even if the houses were recently given major renovations courtesy the Fire Nation. There were also one or two towns I paid attention to,  _ note, we pass all of it quite quickly and in the time it takes me to eat a piece of turtle-duck leg meat, we pass a town _ . They were more uniform in design. And had large walls. If I had to guess, the Fire Nation took over the towns to use them as barracks and staging grounds for operations. That would explain the lack of ‘generational’ splits like in villages. 

The splits caused by, respectively, the first wave of refugees returning and poverty stricken, the second wave returning over the next few years, somewhat wealthier, and finally the people coming to work and live there because the villages were subsidized money by the Badgermole Throne over the past year for the purpose of mass rebuilding and expansion of rural areas.  _ Lots of subsidized money _ . By the time I had finished pondering what a village or town’s growth and regrowth process would or was like while balancing eating lunch and, in classic Imperial fashion, not rehearsing a speech, we hit the coast. Not literally, that’d be quite bloody. Or… rocky. Or both. And I’m writing this, which means I survived, which means the carriage didn’t go flying.  _ Because people can’t survive things like that _ .

“We have arrived at the town of Datan, Your Majesty” one of the many attendants informed me.  _ Oh… good _ . I took a waiting piece of cloth and wiped my face down with it. Nan looked quite full, if the bowl was any kind of judge. Looking down at him reminded me that I had wolf-dog tongue all over my face, which means  _ it’s shower time again. Good for me _ . “I need to go get washed up.” The attendants followed me over to the washroom, I disrobed, and took a choice of flower-scented soaps,  _ the only options available, of course _ , and took to showering. One unknown amount of time later, I flew into a wall when the monorail came to a screeching halt and bonked myself against it. “Don’t execute anyone for that!” I had to shout to precede any possible capital punch-ishments being dished out. I dried myself off, re-robed,  _ that’s a saying, right? _ , and so the walking, jangling, Imperial Jewelry Store set off towards somewhere. 

The ‘somewhere’ was the port city of Datan. Our,  _ my _ , carriage came to a stop at the central station of the city. Normally a massive crowd would be waiting for the man dressed in blue-green with a flapping auburn queue, but not this day. I asked one of the Imperial Guards “Why is everyone gone” and he answered “I have no idea, I’m just a guard, Your Majesty.”  _ Hmm.  _ I rubbed my  _ hey, wait it actually exists  _ almost-beard.  _ Oh, wait, I’m an idiot. It’s because today is ‘ship gets sent into water’ day. Right, right, of course _ . I looked at the one face I  _ did  _ know in the formation of gold and green, Taishi. “Do I have a carriage to take? Or am I walking?” He offered a bow. “I believe the ostrich horses are in the stable-carriage, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh, so a ride _ . 

“Zhu!” That call stirred the courtly man awake. “Yes, Your Majesty?” He staggered to a straight-backed ready-position. “Nothing. Just making sure you’re alive and ready for some intense ostrich horse riding!” I punched the air confidently, earning a few chuckles from a few Imperial Guardsmen.  _ Intense riding. Oh, this will be so hard _ . “Get me my ostrich horse, and others!” Taishi bowed. “On it, Your Majesty!” “It’s time for a really hard ride!”

We took a leisurely gait down the main road of Datan. One may think I was subverting my men’s expectations, or lying to them, but everyone knows that Datan’s flat. As such, that’s why they all laughed. Most of the time we’re riding off somewhere, it’s  _ got  _ to be rough terrain. Like a forest. Or the middle of a battlefield. Or rough terrain, like a forest, which doubles as a battlefield. Not a city, a flat city with straight roads. And nothing blocking the roads. No mobs with spears waiting for us. No crossbowmen. No tanks. No need to cry “Ten Thousand Years!” and, draw our blades, and silently pray that our weapons do their jobs. There was nobody at all, in fact. There were a few passersby who hopped out of the way of our slow entourage to kowtow to us. There were a few people who peeked out of the windows of shop windows and second-story apartments. But it seemed like the entire city, a city supposedly five to seven hundred thousand large, had emptied with one collective goal in mind: the coast. 

From a distance, all I spotted of the famed Datan Drydocks, the seat of a thousand years of Ba Sing Se’s finest admirals, was a couple wharfs, densely populated not by people but crowing raven-gulls. The wharfs looked like they’d been there for as long as Datan and were far from the pristine condition one may imagine. On one side of that large pier, four junks were tied to mooring posts. On the other side, an assortment of small fishing vessels partitioned with wooden pillars jutting out of the water. Again, not that imposing. I looked at some of my riders. They were trying to be quite professional about all this.  _ Oh, go ahead and have fun. _

“Men!” “Yes, Your Majesty!” they responded as one. “Say whatever you want about what you see! I order you that!” the Imperial Guards, being Imperial Guards, accepted. They opted towards making snarky comments about what was visible, calling the boats ‘some of the finest naval vessels a Ba Sing Se-r would ever see!’ and ‘the second-largest, after the patrol boats in Lake Laogai!’ Others tried to get their fellows to ‘wait and see’. The line-of-sight expanded as we neared the coastal-road. The smell of lake air wafted in and the crowing of  _ all this could be dinner  _ got louder. Just as the two were enhanced, so was the sight of nothing but small military junks and fishing vessels. A school of fish- ing vessels. I don’t think any of us truly believed that all we’d see nothing but fishing vessels or old military junks, and I do think people were simply making a joke of what they saw,  _ for we only know what we can see, and we can only see if we have two eyes _ ; but to the same note, I don’t think any of us knew what we were arriving at. As our ostrich horses came to the portside-road, I looked to the left and saw  _ it _ .  _ Oh, she’s beautiful _ . 

Twenty blocks away from us. It was  _ easily  _ hundreds of feet long. I know I can’t tell the exact distance, but you don’t need two eyes to see that the  _ nearer  _ cruisers based on the Fire Navy’s model were easily dwarfed by a ship much further away. Three such cruisers were moored a coin throw from the boardwalk and the three of them were made into silhouettes by the giant machine. The ship was flat-topped,  _ not a battleship _ , but made up for it with an odd assortment of artillery pieces. One large one jutting out above the prow, a few small metal tubes in alcoves tucked out of sight one floor below the deck, and a couple up near the main tower. The  _ tower  _ was the size of a sage tower’s spire. Instead of coming to a ornate golden point, it came to a silver top with a single large Imperial flag flying from a flagpole above it. Instead of tiers of roofs, the main tower thinned out with decks and walkways that appeared as small as my fingernail from here and yet were  _ walked on, by people _ . The deck was outfitted with lines of  _ biplanes _ .  _ Of course. Because it’s flat-topped. Biplanes go well with… wait…  _

_ Wait. It’s not… the…  _ I pulled the scroll out and really  _ really  _ quickly skimmed it again, because that’s how caution works.  _ ‘Heavy assault cruiser’ _ . “That’s not a heavy assault cruiser!” I shouted, rolling my scroll up, slinging it over my neck and snapping my ostrich horse’s reins to get me towards the ship. “It’s not a cruiser, Your Majesty! That looks like an aircraft carrier!” remarked the  _ yunjiwei _ . “You’re right!” I yelled the obvious.  _ Because it is obvious _ .  _ That’s not a heavy cruiser, it’s an aircraft carrier. That’s why it’s carrying aircraft _ . “So why does the scroll say ‘heavy assault cruiser?’” I shouted to my weapon-bearer, now not bearing a weapon, and my Lieutenant, still being perfectly competent. “I’ve no idea, Your Majesty! A naming convention?”, Zhu replied.  _ A naming convention? Why… right, right, of course. A naming convention. We’re in the Empire. Assault sounds more awesome than aircraft carrier, which sounds more passive than the Empire would demand of its navy.  _

As I neared this ship, it only grew to take up more and more of what I could see. Smaller details, like empty positions jutting out of the side of the ship, except they weren’t empty, they likely carried fortified earth discs. Or the Imperial Standard, the Imperial Naval Ensign and the flag of a Vice Admiral of the Imperial Navy, flying at the rear of the ship, side by side by side. The latter two were officially approved by yours truly through the Imperial Memorial system in passing. Granted, How’s the one that came up with the idea, I’m just the one that gave it the old  _ stamp and seal _ . The goal being to standardize the Imperial Navy even more than previously  _ and unofficially to outrace the Fire Navy in a completely uniform design _ . The Imperial Naval Ensign is just the regular Imperial Standard. The personal flag, meant to distinguish the commander’s rank at a distance, features the same earth coin on a green background that we all know quite well, with a big difference. Now, that flag in its entirety is -proportionally- crammed into the top left of a blue background. The bottom left of the flag had two gold stars. One was for rear, two was for vice, three was for full.  _ This man’s not a full Admiral… yet _ . 

As we approached the massive vessel, we came into some massive problems. Namely, but not limited to, a massive crowd of people that had gathered on the street to watch this historic day.  _ Massive. Massive. If I keep using the word, it keeps maintaining it’s value. Because I’m the Emperor _ . Now, I’m as much of a fan of having raving mobs of supporters crying “Ten Thousand Years” as the next Emperor,  _ there’s only one _ , but I also like getting places. And having people on the street, in shop windows, on second, third and fourth story balconies, and  _ crowding onto the roofs _ of buildings suddenly turning their rabid intentions towards myself and my tiny visible retinue of Imperial Guards is… not pleasant. It’s not dangerous, so much as a mob of people that worship you and love you and may or may not be fainting to see you don’t try to get too close to try and worship you, or get too close in their love, or faint in front of your mount. The Imperial Guards didn’t even need an order from me, Taishi snapped forward, raised a fist, one-move-dismounted his ostrich horse, and kicked up an earth wall to block the people in our way. 

“Where are we going?” I asked the officer. “Probably that large tower over there with all the fancy-looking men on it, Your Majesty!” and he stopped his wall-pushing to point at a tower located on the pier next to the yet-to-be-launched ship. The ship’s tower was twice as high as this skeleton-like pillar, but this skeleton-like pillar was outfitted with flags and well-dressed ants.  _ That’s where I have to go, you’re probably right _ . “Then let’s work our way there!” I had to command over a thousand cries of “Ten Thousand Years!” and not-so-personal personal attempts at affection. The officer repeated the order and the Imperial Guards pressed a wall forward down this pier. Good on us, after a certain point we came upon a barrier of Imperial Navy soldiers, braced with naval  _ dao _ and spears with small pennants on them.  _ Nothing says the navy like a spearman flying a rider’s pennant _ .  _ Nothing says ‘navy is strong’ like some stick-armed man pointing his spear at me. Not me… but the peasants. _ The soldiers parted for us, from there it was a clear and easy ride to the base of this tower. From  _ there _ , I dismounted and came one-eye-to-officer-hat with some officer looking man. After he kowtowed, I could ask him a question. “Officer, who’s on top of that tower?” “The Generals and Admirals, Your Majesty.”  _ Very good _ . So I took off and began ascending those stairs. 

I stopped counting the number of steps at two hundred. It was much,  _ much  _ more than that. Three? Four? Five? These weren’t the annoying block-like steps of places that lacked earthbenders and carved their steps out to conserve energy. These weren’t the barely-a-step steps found in many noble places. These aren't the comfortable yet tall Thousand Steps. Yes, I understand the irony of that statement. But I’m used to the Thousand Steps, even if the steps are larger in height than others, they’re easy to run up and down.  _ Or maybe, just maybe, I’ve spent so long running up and down them that, like everything else here, I think they’re the norm _ . Either way, when I got to the top of this staircase, I found the Council of Five and a bunch of other middle or old men who looked the part of commanders and officers.

Lots of kowtows. Kowtows while I took a  _ lot  _ of breaths because  _ that  _ was a long run.  _ I know how subversive that is to my fame or persona, but I too can get tired _ . General How was “very sorry that Your Majesty hadn’t been warned the night before.” General Jun had his hands behind his back and stuffed into his sleeves. General Song was sitting on a stone chair with a small tea kit on an adjacent table. Of all the possible questions, “General, why are you sitting?” was what I chose to ask. “I’m old enough to take a seat.” I gave the man an eyebrow raise and lower, since he’s not… he’s not… “You’re not old, General, you’re...well-fed.”  _ Okay, this is what running up many flights of stairs and not getting enough rest will do to you _ . Song took this as a compliment, why wouldn’t he?, and broke into a wheezing laugh. 

My  _ yunjiwei _ watched the Aged General wheezing in amusement and lacked a comment. Song turned to him and said, simply, “Son, do you find His Imperial Majesty’s joke funny?” The  _ yunjiwei _ , being a courtly man, replied “No… I don’t. I mean-” This made Song wheeze further. He took one of his hands, closed it into a fist, and punched his own stomach. “See that? My stomach’s a built in bolt-catcher!” The other officers neglected to say or do anything. I tried to keep my composure together, instead putting my face in my hand and just hoping nobody noticed. Maybe because I’m the only person here with a vibrant blue-hued outfit, maybe because I’m the Emperor, everyone stared at me  _ slowly  _ crumbling to the whims of my nonexistent sanity.  _ Okay, take a breath… or fifty. _

When I got to my senses again, I looked around at the gathering of well-dressed men and their well-stocked chests of medals.  _ Right, I recognize approximately five of you.  _ How was still apologizing, Jun was being nice and tall, Zhi’s eyes were affixed on the gargantuan ship across from us, Song was enjoying his age’s perks and Fong was… being like Jun, except he wasn’t Jun. He was also standing still. The rest of them are… just people. “Who are the rest of you?” The commander of the Council of Five took to extending a hand and introducing them. “Sergeant General Fengji… Sergeant General Zhiguo… Sergeant General Guiren… Sergeant General Guangyan… Senior Colonel Bozhuo… Senior-” I wasn’t really  _ that  _ interested in hearing each one of these men’s backstories. Credit to How, he didn’t waste time telling me each one’s greatest achievements. He just gave me their rank and name and a pause to let one of the men step forward to give a cordial kowtow. 

I cut him off with “General, I’d like to see the ship launch first and meet all the generals during the reception later.” How nodded. “Your Majesty, meet Vice Admiral Zhe Zhuang-”  _ very good, why do I care?,  _ “-the Captain of the  _ IEN Dongfang _ .”  _ Oh _ . Then I noticed them. The old man with the walking stick standing next to five middle-aged men, all of whom are dressed in Imperial Navy uniforms, not Imperial Army uniforms like the rest of these officers. At mention of his name, this Zhuang stepped forward, one cane motion at a time, and gave me a simple head bow. “Forgive me, Your Majesty.” His well kept three-pointed beard had a sprinkling of grey in a sea of white. I waved him ‘up’ and said “You’re forgiven, Vice Admiral.” I looked at  _ those  _ five men with interest. They weren’t trying to get in my face in a legal capacity to be introduced, they were standing in a line. “Who are these men?” I asked, looking at How then at Zhuang. The Vice Admiral raised his cane and slowly moved from person to person.

At a simple motion of the cane, each one made his voice loud enough to be heard over any chatter but not loud enough to be offensive. Each one announced themselves in the third person. “Bojing, Rear Admiral out of Ba Sing Se, Your Majesty!” He moved his cane to the next in the line, a man who fumbled slightly with getting himself together, “ Degong, Rear Admiral out of Beidiqiu, Your Majesty!”. Zhuang scowled, but didn’t waste time, he’s in front of the Emperor after all, and moved on to the next one. “Wuzhong, Rear Admiral out of Bayan, Your Majesty!” Wuzhong had a topknot instead of a queue and wore white-on-green instead of pure dark green like the rest. Well, dark green with gold. Zhuang moved on to the next. “Guangli, Rear Admiral out of Yu Dao, Your Majesty!” Finally, the old naval officer moved his cane to the last man in the line. A man with brown hair that could pass for a copper piece under this sunlight. “Yasuhito, Rear Admiral out of Beihai, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s why. Beihai _ . 

“Yasuhito, step forward!” my voice unintentionally boomed. “Yes, Your Majesty” and the man did just that, stepping forward and getting into a kowtow. By the time he rose again, I was practically in his face. He was… not as tall as me, but not as short as most of the officers up here on this wind-slapped flag-overloaded platform. And his copper-piece hair was quite shiny. If I had to guess, this man was in his twenties.  _ One question _ . “Yasuhito, what belief do you follow?” “Kyoshi’s Ethics, Your Majesty!” he responded without a second thought.  _ Oh… Oh really?  _ “Why, Rear Admiral?” “Because that’s what my family has worshipped for the past three hundred years, Your Majesty!” The exclamations were  _ for exclamatory effect! _ . I could go on, and I almost did, but I looked around and remembered the giant ship that’s supposed to be launched soon. And also the roaring crowd of people cheering and singing and other such festivities.  _ I’m sure everyone that isn’t attending this has lots of free time to go learn to multiply in an out of the way hidden bedroom somewhere _ .  _ Or closet. Or the kitchen counter, because… why not. _ Instead of letting those people have the permission to engage in oogies, I stopped myself. “Yasuhito. I want a meeting with you tomorrow. Stay a night in Ba Sing Se.” The man let a smile break through his formal stare-not-stare. “Yes, Your Majesty!” 

Now, on to the boat. From on top of this  _ siheyuan _ living room sized platform, I could look down at the finger-sized people or across at the  _ everything sized ship _ . I directed all questions towards the Vice Admiral. “How large is the ship?” “One thousand, one hundred and seventy five Consort’s feet, Your Majesty.”  _ One thousand… one hundred…  _ “That’s… that’s… doesn’t that make this the largest ship to ever grace the seas?” “I believe so, Your Majesty.”  _ I think I’ll need a drink from all this _ .  _ Wait, no, before I get a drink, there’s still some confusion _ . 

“Is this a battleship? Or an aircraft carrier? Or a ‘heavy assault cruiser?” and I pointed at the lines of aircraft. “It’s a ‘heavy assault carrier, Your Majesty’. Does Your Majesty see the artillery emplacements near the prow?” and he pointed at them with his cane.  _ Yes. I do. There’s a large one and two, maybe more, smaller ones on the sides but out of swinging range _ . “Yes, Vice Admiral.” “An aircraft carrier doesn’t have that artillery power, Your Majesty. The Admirals wanted a new model of ship that could do everything.” I accidentally let my inner thoughts out. “That sounds ambitious.” The Vice Admiral chuckled. “This is the Empire! We can accomplish anything if we put our minds to it. Right, Your Majesty?” I gave a ‘as-required’ nod and a “Yes, Vice Admiral.” 

“Vice Admiral, how are you going to launch a ship if there are aircraft on it? Won’t the aircraft topple off?”  _ Aircraft fall off in good conditions, so your point stands about as well as a cripple, no offense Teo, though knowing you, Teo, you’d probably laugh at this _ .. He pointed at a low earth wall that ran around the ship’s hull out in the lake. “Your Majesty, we have a system of dams and locks in place. When ready, the earthbenders working the dock will remove the locks. The lakewater will flood in and raise the ship up.” Indeed, as of right now the hull was exposed for all to see. The scaffolding holding it together was a testament of what an army of earthbenders can do. 

_ Speaking of _ … “The whole ship’s metal?” I wondered out loud. “Metal with earth discs included for offensive and defensive capabilities.” “So… metalbenders built it?”  _ Yeah, no, I remember reading that and just proved that I didn’t read it. No matter, I’m the Emperor. My word is correct.  _ “That’s correct, Your Majesty. Seasons of labor poured in. The latest technological innovations on land, at sea, and now, in air. Her Imperial Majesty contributed a few components, too.”  _ Toph helped out? Wait, no, of course she would. Why would she ever pass up the opportunity to build something with her metalbending? _ If it wasn’t already mentioned, this man had lots and lots of pride for his new capital ship.  _ The capital of capital ships. And it’s named the Dongfang _ . 

The cheering crowd reminded me that there’s a speech to be had. I looked around. I looked at How. At Song and his tea. At Jun. At my  _ yunjiwei _ who’d been standing there silently. Nan, who has been a very good boy, sitting quietly being fed treats by Taishi. At this Zhuang man.  “Who’s going to give the speech?” Most of the officers looked at me.  _ Oh no. That means I’m supposed to have rehearsed it. Well… no matter.  _ I leaned in to How and whispered “I didn’t have time to read the speech.”  _ That’s not a lie. I was sleeping. Not all the time. But a lot of it _ . “Your Majesty, I’d recommend reading the speech, then.” Song, sitting next to How, adding in “Your Majesty, do what you do best,  _ improvise _ .”  _ This one’s for you, Sukes _ . 

“Empire!” I raised my hand and waved to the finger-people. “Ten Thousand Years!” they whooped as one.  _ Okay, got their attention. Okay, time to read this stupid scroll _ . “The _ IEN Dongfang _ is the first of its class! The  _ IEN Dongfang  _ was built on the design of the Empire-class Battleship, our Empire’s reward for…” no matter how I phrased that, even  _ I  _ was starting to lose the crowd. “It was our reward for absolutely  _ smashing  _ the Fire Nation!” and I punched the air.  _ That  _ brought the crowd back. The crowd of men, women and children. The sailors on the  _ Dongfang _ . And,  _ oh yeah _ , the lake  _ full  _ of small Fire Navy cruiser designs, lined up in Imperial Fleet Review. A grand performance for the eyes of us and the shoreside people. Fifty of them, at least.  _ Wait where was I? Right _ . 

“This ship, it’s got artillery! It’s got aircraft! Our best metalbenders worked long and hard on it! When you look up to that steel ship, thank the metalbenders!” The crowd was punching the air, barefisted and with weapons, and they were shouting compliments. “When you-” I pointed at the thousands down there, “-look up-” I swung my hand around. “-at that giant steel ship, thank the Empress for inventing metalbending! Thank the Empress for helping  _ build  _ it.”  _ That.  _

_ That did it _ . The crowd exploded in monarchist fervor, “Long live Her Imperial Majesty!” “Ten Thousand Years!” “Ten Thousand Years to the Badgermole Throne!” “The Empire forever!” and many others. The ground started thumping and shaking from all this. Actually thumping. There were enough earthbenders in that crowd to cause vibrations. I…  _ it’s hard to explain how rare that is _ .  _ Wait, stop getting caught up in how awesome it is. Wrangle control of this wild audience before they destroy your tower, genius!  _

I pointed at them, yelled “Empire!” and the crowd simmered down. A bit. I yelled “Empire!” again. A bit more. I waved my hands about, “ _ Empire! _ ” A bit more. “Empire!” I finally screamed at the top of my vocal capacity. They complied. I coughed to catch my breath. “This is the first! The  _ Liaoyang  _ and  _ Beidiqiu  _ are next!” The crowd resumed more normal loud cheering. Hurts-ears-loud, but not  _ going to earthquake your structure  _ powerful. I gave this steel megalith another look over, it’s hard to look it all over but I did it, then looked back down at the crowd.  _ People love to cheer, right?  _ “Empire!” They quieted down. “Do you have a chant for this vessel?”  _ Something like ‘Higher, into the sky, Us bastard sons of Oma are going to die!’. I butchered it, but… same idea _ . As it turns out, they do. All it took was one person to yell it. 

“Pride of a nation!” yelled the man. “A beast made of steel!” yelled more of the crowd. Then they all began  _ swaying _ . “ _ Dongfang  _ in motion!” They swayed right. “King of the ocean!” They swayed left. These four lines were repeated, time and time again, the people swinging back and forth and back and forth. Not as individuals, as  _ one _ . 

I didn’t know whether to be intimidated or just confused,  _ or in need of a Clear Whiskey _ . Nan, because he’s Nan, started howling along to every other line. I gave him some head rubs while telling the Vice Admiral “Get this boat on the water!” because an unruly mob like this  _ can  _ turn into something worse, fast. Quite fast, in fact. 

Everything looked like it was going right. The Vice Admiral gave some kind of signal to an officer standing maybe two hundred feet from us, over on one of the central tower’s walkways. Suddenly, a loud horn bellowed out in all directions from the vessel. The metal tubing proved its engineering quality.  _ I’d bet a few gold Toph handbuilt those specific parts. For the sake of using them to make her voice even louder _ . The horn silenced the cheering crowd, because it really  _ was  _ loud. Loud enough to make my ears ring. 

I couldn’t hear the command, but I spotted full on platoons of men running towards the water’s edge, rooting their stances in the ground, and pushing down. As one. Communal earthbending isn’t the norm, so when it happens, it’s serious. It took six men, count ‘em, six, to march out to the edge of the drydock, punch the ground at the same time, and cause the whole dam to break to a torrent of floodwater. The water flooded in. The people cheered. 

Within a single  _ fen _ , the boat began  _ rising _ . The ship-officer, then above us, gave the Vice Admiral some kind of hand signal and flag signal I didn’t understand. The Vice Admiral pointed out at the Lake in a large gap between the lines of cruisers. Soon enough, metallic, all-encompassing horns sounded again. This time, thick black smoke was belched out of the four smoke stacks as the coal-fired engines started up. The golden prow glistened in noon light. As the ship sailed away, the land-based civilians began singing incoherently and terribly. 

Everything  _ was  _ going right. We watched the  _ Dongfang  _ sail out to sea. And we watched it sail out to sea. And we watched it, for some genius reason, swerve slightly to the right. Oh, I wish I could forever memorize the sounds all of us made. The Vice Admiral had descended with an earth platform,  _ hey, I could’ve used that _ , but the rest of us were still up there. The officers were varying between ‘courtly polite’ and Song, who was calmly sipping tea because he was whispering “That ship’s going to crash.” 

The Imperial Guard were trying their hardest to be professional, but when one man said “Who’s piloting that, the Avatar?”, the entire detachment started hysterically laughing. Zhu had left, “Your Majesty might need some whiskey” is one of the greatest excuses I’ve ever heard. Taishi had his head in his hands, trying to pull some of his composure together. And Nan? He stuck his adorable snout in his adorable paws to avoid watching what we  _ all  _ knew what was coming. It was so clear. It was so clear. 

The ship swerved too far to the right and rammed a moored cruiser. The other cruisers were unable to back up,  _ there’s no back-up option on engines like on legs _ , and had to race forward. I stopped caring about formalities. “Guards! They’re… they’re racing forward! In the opposite direction!” and I started wheezing from a lack of refreshing liquid. 

Taishi himself called it. “They’re true Imperials!” Then, in a mock ‘tough guy’ voice, he yelled “We do not retreat! We only advance forward in the opposite direction!” and a couple of the Imperial Guards slapped themselves in the sides while others just buckled over. Everyone was cough-laughing themselves to death, but it’s alright. 

As for the rammed ship, it was nicely redirected into the correct direction of  _ down _ . That’s what happens when the bow of a ship is sliced right off by a giant icebreaker.  _ An icebreaker with a golden prow. Only in the Empire _ . 

The officers were calling this a massive tragedy and a bunch of other adjectives, save three. I’ll call them Yasu, Tsugu and Hijaka. Navy and two Army. All Earth Islanders. When I mentioned a need for my home’s brew, they parted ways with the officers to walk over to the Imperial Guard Laughing Detachment. 

Moments later, we learned that a real torpedo was accidentally launched from the capital ship, being blamed on a phantom opponent. This real torpedo sent the rest of the Fleet Review into a mass panic. There were no…  _ few _ … rammings. 

We were busy. The Clear Whiskey had arrived. “To the Empire!” I toasted. And we drank up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Emperor has important things to go get done... but the Empress wants to go listen a play. And she's going to drag him there.  
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -The title's a reference to a lyric from the Sabaton song "Bismarck."   
> -Mori's blade tangent is a classic Mori tangent where he goes off on explaining things he'd rather be doing instead of what he's currently doing.  
> -After all this time, Mori still gets the Palace Attendant Imperial Clerk's name messed up. It's not like he ever has to direct any letters to the man.   
> -Mori's writing allows him to break from the usual formalities, which is why he goes off on tangents about soaps and how annoying formalities are. Plus, as he joked, this is one of the first times *he's* been summoned to some formal event, Toph's distracting distractions don't count because she's Toph.  
> -Mori's 'expectation' rant is a bit oddly placed, and that's because, chronologically, this is one of the first times *he's* being summoned to an event to act like an Emperor would. Normally, he shows up to something military related as an Imperial Commander, or in simpler terms, a general.   
> -Unless Toph prevents him from doing something/going somewhere, Mori tries to accomplish all the goals set out for him as a monarch. Practicing, learning, etc. The speech has more weight as you've seen these events play out.  
> -It's easy to forget that, like in the land it's based on (China), the Earth Empire has lots and lots of villages. Six hundred thousand villages in modern China.  
> -The earliest statistics I can find put the rural population of China (in the 1960s) at >80%. So if you're wondering where most of the Empire's citizens live, it's in these thousands of little villages.  
> -I'd guess there are nearly as many villages in the Empire as there are in China today, thanks to the fact the Empire is continent sized.  
> -The IEN Dongfang is visually based on the Shinano, a large (for the day) carrier that was sunk 10 days after being launched, ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_aircraft_carrier_Shinano ) crossed with the Fire Nation's Empire-class battleships (since all designs are based on other designs).  
> -If the average Fire Navy cruiser is ~100 meters (~330 feet) long, then the Dongfang would be 3.5 Fire Navy cruisers long.   
> -Imperial Vice Admiral flag based on this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_Chinese_Navy#/media/File:Imperial_Chinese_Navy_Vice_Admiral's_Flag_(1909-1911).svg  
> -What General Song's wheezing laugh sounds like ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVFd46qABi0 )   
> -This was one of many things Toph was helping work on during the past months. She never left Ba Sing Se to work on it, the components she worked on were transported by train.  
> -The lines chanted by the crowd ( Pride of a nation!, A beast made of steel!, Dongfang in motion!, King of the ocean!) are based on the lyrics from Sabaton's Bismarck ( https://www.sabaton.net/discography/bismarck-single/bismarck-track/ )


	84. Misguided Obligations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor has some people to go meet...  
> ...wait no it's Pu-On Tim time again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor has some people to go meet...  
> ...wait no it's Pu-On Tim time again!

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty:

The pair of Dai Li appeared nearly silently. After bowing, the one on the left said “Her Imperial Majesty has summoned Your Majesty,” “Why?” I asked the pair of Dai Li. “Personal activities.” said the same talking one. The summoning command is a command I often don’t hear. And the justification for the command… I don’t really like hearing, to be honest. This is a personal record, and I’m entitled to personally record. 

I had risen earlier, today I was going to meet with Vice Admiral Zhe Zhuang over one, why his ship got drunk; two, where he’s planning to go and three, planning where he’s going to go. I woke at the beginning of proper twilight and began the same routine as most days: rise, shower, dress, blade practice, walk, archery. Or walk and blade practice and archery. As always, I had the Empress thrown over me, resting her head and carpet of hair on my chest. As always, I fought a small war to convince her that I was awake. A very happy war, all things considered. 

The usual banter of “You’re a pillow”, “I’m a tree,” “Do you want me to chop you down then?”,  _ and so on _ , while the two of us act about as far from sparring components as possible. As far from sparring and also within the range of not-oogies. All this aside, I won out with the power of a pressure point massage. ‘Won’ in the stalemate kind of ‘won’. “Get back here after you’re done playing with your sword,” she commanded. I didn’t take her that seriously, since…  _ come on, that’s a euphemism joke and we both know it _ . So I showered,  _ oh Toph will hate me for this _ , dressed,  _ this time in more relaxing Imperial Informal Robes _ , and set out for my daily practice. 

This morning, instead of going for my blade,  _ note: today’s lesson was on the functionality of the short jian since I voiced my disagreement with it previously _ , I went for my bow. And instead of stationary targets as I am so often told to target, I took my bow and went… elsewhere. There’s a bunch of ponds in the northern section of the Imperial Palace Grounds. I’ve been to them, before, many times. They just don’t go on the records because they aren’t as interesting as dragons landing in our plaza, or learning the ins and outs of the Fire Nation’s current political breakup. 

Around dawn, one may find flocks of duck-geese congregating on them and the grassy fields around them. The ponds are curated, the grass is curated, there’s even forests -more like large groves- of trees planted to give the pond goer the feel of being in the middle of the wilderness. We can’t erect a giant wall to prevent wild animals from flying in, though. Previously, the Household Ministry offered to employ sentinels, the Dai Li, to kill such birds and prevent their presence. But when I found out about this, I prevented the motion from being passed. Why? I, as a Kyoshi Islander, and as a tree-man, had other ideas. I could practice my archery  _ and  _ do something about the duck-geese.

_ Twing _ . I hit a single member of the flock as he swam through the water. At a single point of the finger, Nan bolted out of the small open-air shrine-like structure facing the pond and over to the water itself. This made the flock flee and some,  _ the smarter ones _ , began taking off. By that time, I had  _ nock, draw, aim  _ and was ready on the  _ twing _ . I  _ twinged _ , leading my arrow. It struck one of the birds in the center-section as it took a flap of its wings. The bird fell into the water, splashing water onto Nan and the first bird. Nan’s a hunting wolf-dog, he’s  _ trained  _ to retrieve waterfowl. How his mouth is able to be soft enough to carry a full duck-goose back and hard enough to rip someone’s throat out… I don’t know. But his mouth is quite soft, as many mornings have confirmed for me. Nan ran out there, as happy as a Toph on soil, scooped up the duck-goose, then ecstatically plopped it down in front of me. He wagged his tongue and thought to share some of that tongue-ness with my hands. I giggled like a child, not my proudest moment, and he kept licking.  _ Thank you, Nan, thank you _ .

I’d take each kill and have them sent to the cooks. Even if I couldn’t do it, even if duck-goose is ‘a commoner’s food’, I’d  _ always  _ have a little part of me that finds them a luxury. This is the part that remembers the month-long period on Kyoshi Island when we’d have to rely on our food stores, for everything outside the windows was dead or withered. Then, hunting a duck-goose was something of a celebration. The rest of the year, it just made dinner easier. 

I went back to the open air structure and used it as a hunter’s blind. The structure’s meant to be used to  _ watch  _ the pond and the creatures scurrying about, but as the only other person who can legally use this can’t really  _ see  _ the way other people do, I was free to hunt from it. So,  _ nock, draw,  _ I patiently lined up an arrow for one of the flock, as the flock had returned to their pond to swim around,  _ aim _ , and  _ twing _ . Direct hit on the bird’s midsection. “Nan”, I pointed, and he ran off to go get right on that. Simultaneously, “Attendants, take this to the cooks”, and I handed them the first two dead duck-geese by the necks. Nan returned a half a  _ fen  _ later with a third in his mouth.  _ Let’s do it again _ .

It was after my twelfth arrow launching and tenth duck-goose hit that a pair of Dai Li arrived bearing the news I told them earlier. I was actually in the process of nocking a thirteenth arrow, a different flock had gathered and I yearned for another chance to practice archery, when this pair showed up. “Personal activities?” instinctively I replied to them thinking this a regular matter, “I’m practicing archery. Can I finish my morning-” but both my hands were grabbed with a rock glove each, the rock gloves came together into a single shackle, and I fell forward. The first one repeated “Her Imperial Majesty has summoned Your Majesty” as if that’d help me, and the second one  _ did _ help me with “Your Majesty cannot refuse a summons”. Like that, they picked me up with the earth gloves and began the process of dragging me wherever I was supposed to go. 

“Good morning, Kyoshi” I found myself looking at the back of the head of upside-down Toph. I had fallen asleep, or maybe I banged my head on the way there, I don’t know, but I found myself awake and looking at the back of the head of an upside down Toph.  _ Wait _ . The walls of this chamber must  _ also  _ be upside down. “Since when is the roof down there?” I asked like a total tree-man.  _ Wait _ . “Toph…” I looked down and realized she wasn’t wearing that much in the way of clothing. Undergarments. Her sleepwear. 

“Toph… am I sleeping or am I hung like a robe on a clothesline? And speaking of clothes, where are yours?” “What would happen if you were asleep?” and she took to picking her nose.  _ If I was asleep, this… well this is well within the possibility of a dream, but dreams are usually random and unexplainable. Like waking up on an island next to a beach house, looking out to your north, and seeing some strange red beam of light pointing at… a cloud. Then you realize you’re on an archipelago and… yeah, that’s kind of the point.  _

“Probably not that, then.”  _ Listen, self, I know these are the big questions in existence, but can we get back to something normal?  _ “Why am I like this?” I asked, looking  _ up  _ to look at her in her torso, then chest, then finally leaned far enough back to look at her head. “Weird? That’s a trait of yours, Kyoshi.”  _ Right.  _ If my hands were free, I would’ve used them to slap myself in the face. “Why am I upside down?” I asked, trying to sound as nice as possible. “Fine.” She tapped the ground once and the rock braces holding my hands crumbled to dirt.  _ Freedom. _ “Climb out of it” and she went back to such serious matters as nose picking. 

My feet were still partially entombed. I’ll save myself the dignity: I failed at escaping. “I can’t.” I sounded far more defeated than intended, though maybe I  _ always  _ sound defeated and this was just me being self-aware. “Why? Are you too weak?” “I don’t think-”  _ no, don’t say that. There are people who can bend over backwards and roll into a ball, like the acrobatic Ty Lee. And there are people who can jump into the air for some crazy reason, also like Ty Lee. You’re just a tree. _ She interrupted my thoughts to say “I’m glad you don’t think.”“I-” she cut me off again. “Nothing more to add?” I groaned. “Good.” Then she stomped the ground, made a table appear out of nothing, made the table rise up a  _ little  _ bit, and said “Consider this a kind gesture of me warning you” and before I could go ‘warning me of what?’ the tiny amount of rock holding my feet up crumbled and my feel tumbled.  _ Thud _ .  _ Thud. _ Tree, meet rock floor. My face, meet her… nothing. Because she walked out of my one-eyed sight. 

“Ow!” It’s never intentional to yell that, but I guess it’s also never intentional to have your hair be grabbed. “Why is my hair being grabbed?”, the very well-put together question got no well-put together response. I just found myself pulled backwards, into a strange sitting position, and facing the lifeless green eyes of my Empress. “So, Kyoshi,-” she ran a hand along my leg,  _ I appreciate the massage, truly I do, but why? _ , “-you want to go to a play?” 

_ Oh you’ve got to be kidding me _ . “What kind?” She rubbed my neck, “The fun kind!”  _ That’s very vague and Toph-like _ . “Sure, but can you stop rubbing me?” She took to jamming a finger into my done-up queue.  _ I guess that’s not rubbing _ . Yet again, no response. So I mustered a question. “Are plays one of the only things that excite you, or something?” “ _ Yes! _ ” she made my ears ring with that one. “But they’re awful parodies of real life people.” “They’re excellent,” she removed her finger from my queue and crossed her arms. And she even scoffed me off. 

I stood up, the towering tree-man and the short Blind Bandit. “They’re terrible,” I tried to counter. So she took her hand and ran it, knuckle-on, down my chest.  _ Right, forgot to mention, I wasn’t wearing a top of any kind for all this. Pants? The sleep-kind.  _ Not that I should ask, but I asked “What’s with you and seismic sense training today?” anyways. She punched me in the chest. “How else do I get a good look at you?” she asked, half-serious. “With your hand?” I asked, a momentary lapse in forgetting that she was, technically, using her hand. But, since I said it, she took to palm-striking my chest. Then very quickly running a palm up and down said chest. “Done. Got a good look at you. Your heart’s beating-” I cut her well trained analysis of me off with “Thank you, Toph.” “No problem!” she said, again, not really that serious.  _ I really need to remember who I’m dealing with. The Empress thoroughly enjoys messing with others. Namely me _ .  _ Especially me _ . 

“I stand by my previous statement.” So she gave one of my legs a light knee-ing and made me sit down. “Those Pu-On Tim plays are terrible for you to listen to,” I said it like some kind of mature figure.  _ Besides, we have other things to do _ .  _ So many other things we could do _ . “I was going to go visit the Vice Admiral-” but I was cut off by the Empress taking me hand and walking away, my body in tow. “ _ You  _ might go do that. But that’s boring” and she yawned.

“You know what’s far more enjoyable, Kyoshi?” she took her other hand and ran it through her hair. “Killing your enemies?” I didn’t see the grin, but I knew she was grinning. “Yes. But you know what’s even better than that?”  _ Let me guess _ . “Lord Qiangyang?” Now I took a shoulder punch. Sudden one, at that. “I  _ love  _ Lord Qiangyang. Even better”. Somehow the Empress managed to sound like a little girl ranking her favorite toys. “The plays…” I trailed off like a bored… tree… who wasn’t as interested as others may think. I mean, I wore my ‘interest’ on my sleeve. Toph didn’t care.  __ “The plays!” she practically screeched in happiness. I couldn’t really groan, she was dragging me along, but I could mentally groan.  _ I’ve got no say in this, right?  _

“Do I have a say in this?” She didn’t give up the hand-dragging, even as she dragged me over to… a different chamber that I’ve never been to in the Imperial Palace. “No, Kyoshi, you don’t.”  _ Glad to know I’ve got a say _ . “Can you… at least make it painless?”  _ Please, I don’t want to have to endure this play sober _ . “That’s what I’ve been dreaming of forever!”  _ What?  _ “Dreaming of this being painless?”  _ What in the name of you are you even on about?  _ “I always fantasized it as such, yeah!”  _ I have no idea what you’re even talking about _ . “How… why are you fantasizing about a play?” and I shook my head in the name of ‘ _ come on _ ’. She took a very long sigh. “No, Kyoshi, the play is…” but whatever she was going to say, she gave up on saying. Then she threw me into a closet. “Get dressed. Casual wear, only.” and she slammed the door shut with a  _ smash _ . 

I left my dressing room and found the Empress was still dressed in very… light… clothing. I know it’s the summertime,  _ or almost the summertime? I don’t speak ‘seasons’ _ , but “Is wearing your sleepwear really the best choice for…” but I was faced with the hard truth of the Empress’s lifeless stare. “The best choice for  _ what _ ?” she put her hands on her hips. “For…” I did the hand-thing where I try to put a word together with two hands and point towards the next one,  _ no I have no idea what I’m doing either, where was I even going with this? Where was I even going with this sentence?,  _ “For travelling all the way to the ‘ _ Chong _ .’”  _ That’s the place, right? Chong Theater, Lower Ring. Named after the infamously famous partying Prince. I’m quite certain he won the hearts of everyone and won the knives of everyone else. What a madman.  _

“Kyoshi, do I look like I’m running to the Lower Ring?” and she began jumping up and down, clapping her hands together above her head before dropping them to her sides. And repeating. Once I had properly consumed what I was looking at, “Yes. Yes you do” She paused, waved a hand in front of her face, and began laughing like a total… Empress. “No, I’m not running to the Lower Ring” and she snickered. “We’re going to the Imperial Theater, or whatever it’s called. The big building over there” and she pointed at a random wall.  _ Right… you can sense the building’s location… I can just stare at a random wall adorned with earth coin motifs inlaid with gold.  _

“Good, good” I put my fingers together. “We’ll…”  _ wait a miao _ , “...but it’s the early morning.” “So?” she asked with that dismissive tone of hers. “Pu-On Tim won’t be awake.” She licked a finger of hers and proceeded to tousle her own hair. “Then we’ll make him be awake.”  _ Uh… what?  _ I scratched my head. “Do I even want to know what that means?”  _ Do I even want to know why I asked that question out loud?  _ “Clearly-” she tugged on her eyelids, “-we’ll send in the brothel-maids to stir him. That always does the trick!” and she opted to break into laughter while I just looked at her with a confused stare. Not that she’d see it. “Do… you always do this?” “Sometimes, when I want a play  _ now  _ I just dispatch a few of them, yeah.”  _ I… right… right… of course.  _

_ This is what you’re doing instead of going to Court? This?  _ Moments later, she stomped and yelled “Dai Li! Summon Pu-On Tim and his actors to the Imperial Theater!” “Yes, Your Majesty.” one of those stone voices said. The stone voices became people who fell from the ceiling, they bowed, then ascended back into the ceiling off to take one of their secret passageways or something. Then Toph walked for the door. And I gave pursuit. “So, Toph, how are we going to get there?” I asked.  _ Why do you bother asking?  _

Was it the Imperial Procession? Was it the Imperial Carriage of any sort? Was it the Imperial Palanquin? Was it me, the Imperial Pillow Who Doubles as an Ostrich Horse? Was it going to be anything sensible, regal, formal, or professional? As I followed her through the Palace, I found myself pondering these questions. When we descended the stairs on the north side, I found myself asking her “How are we planning to get there? Ostrich horse? Me?-” but was cut off because I found myself in a cloud of dust.

A footrace. It came down to a footrace. The Empress went first. If she wanted this to be unfair, she’d have swapped her feet for earth skates. Or been absorbed into the ground and popped up somewhere else. Nope. She  _ wanted  _ me to have a chance. She tried to outrun me. Nan is not I. Nan ran after her, making him second. I ran after the two of them. Except Toph was never  _ that  _ fast, I’ve got a longer stride than she could dream of.  _ Speaking of, can a blind person dream of a footrace? Such a specific question. The answer really doesn’t matter, does it?  _

Behind me ran the Imperial Guards, who were assigned to be around the Empress at all times. They’d have to catch up to her and her little legs. Call them little all one may want, they’re bounding with energy. Energy that  _ some  _ of us might not have as much of. Behind and or adjacent to the Imperial Guards were the Dai Li. They had nothing forbidding them from rock skating. And they did. Because they don’t have to worry about  _ running  _ like the rest of us. The conical hats are anywhere and everywhere, including the ceiling, even when there is none. So there’s no need for these particular agents assigned with bodyguard duty to race up to their Empress. I can’t accuse the Imperial Guards of pointing at the foolishly tall tree man as he sprinted after his Empress, but I would bet a few gold they were going to do that, whether metaphorically or actually. 

The Empress didn’t make it easier for the rest of us, she ran in circles around one pond, another pond, yet another pond, a circle around a larger pond, up a wall - _ yeah no there’s no way I’m ascending that _ \- down a different wall, around more ponds, then at one point she decided that walls were unnecessary and crashed through one. With her head. I’m a  _ little  _ bit jealous that my cousins can’t partake in what us Imperials do for fun. I mean, Nan can, but Nan would probably climb up Mount Rangi, then eat someone, then hop off it, all in the name of belly rubs. So, no, he doesn’t count. And the Imperial Guards, well Toph doesn’t know this because to her, armor -and clothes, apparently- are ‘limiting’, they happen to be wearing heavy anti-arrow anti-bolt pro-survival armor. The same sweaty, stuffy, scratchy,  _ when will I get to pull it off _ Imperial Armor that I… wasn’t wearing. Because the Empress had ordered me to dress casually.  _ Ah. Now it makes sense _ . That was the last time anything that day would make any sense, most likely. Toph wearing her sleepwear… fine, me wearing my sleepwear…  _ we’re going to go sleep together, fine _ … and that was that. 

We arrived at a building like every other building. I forgot if it’s actually called the Imperial Theater or if it’s something else. I’m going to go with the former because… reasons. It sounds appropriate and Toph called it that earlier. At said building, the Empress decided the best course of action after a long, long run  _ around a circle, not like we went anywhere _ , was to hop into the wide high-thread-count bed that she uses to…  _ no, genius, she doesn’t watch the plays…  _ listen to plays. I can’t really understand how someone who has to rely on foot-on-earth contact to ‘see’ anything would take enjoyment in blinding herself further, but… I’m just a pillow, so I have no say in the matter. While she hopped onto a bed and a selection of our guard retinue sat down from exhaustion,  _ thank you, warm summer mornings with vibrant sunrays and… warm enough to toast the guards _ , the Dai Li arrived bearing a prisoner.  _ No wait, I’m sorry,  _ they arrived bearing our ‘esteemed’ playwright. 

The well-fed man with the Three Nations and One Egg’s most punchable face was, among other things, better clothed than either of us. He was also well-fed. And looked like a single arrow would make him go ‘pop!’. With this prisoner, he brought his favorite brothel attendants,  _ no no,  _ I mean, his  _ actors  _ and  _ actresses _ . “Captain, how did you scrounge together all these…” I gave a very obvious hand wave towards the mob of them, “...these things…”  _ they’re called people, I know they look like statues of fertility gods and goddesses, what with their possessions, but they’re humans _ , “...at this time of the morning?” 

A completely different Dai Li agent walked up to me, gave the usual bow, and explained “I’m the Captain, Your Majesty, and we have… trained for this, Your Majesty.”  _ Trained for this _ .  _ Right. _ Instead of inquiring more, I asked “Who was I talking to?” so I could get a proper title across. But… alas, I was cut off by Toph. “Who  _ cares _ !”. I turned to the Empress, who thank the… her, I guess, had retained all of the clothing she arrived with. “Is today going to be one of these days?” I asked, referring to one of those ‘we’re going off on a vacation that accomplishes nothing’ days.  _ You know, the kind that take up actual days and whole chapters of record material _ . 

She shuffled herself around, rested her chin on a hand, yawned, and said “Today’s going to be one of today’s days.”  _ Oh good, you’ve learned poetry _ . “Do I dare ask-” she interrupted me with “No.” “May I…”  _ no, wrong wording _ , I changed it to “Can I-” but was cut off again.“No.” “Will I-” but she cut me off with “You just did.” “But now-” “I agree” then she sat up and yelled “Now, bring out the comedy!”  _ Well, at least she and I can agree that this classifies as a comedy. Just… not the same kind _ . “Give us something I haven’t listened to!” she boomed that order. 

The punchable face’s mouth opened and started saying words. “Pre...senting” but he had to cough to catch his breath, “Presenting”, but  _ this  _ time he was cut off by Toph. “Unless Hayashi’s about to present something, I’m not that interested.”  _ Right. Right. Of… course it’s going to be one of these plays.  _ I looked at one of the waiting attendants  _ who arrived in a carriage _ !, and waved her close. 

The playwright announced whatever stupidly romantic oogie-filled name of the production we’d be witnessing was while I asked the attendant “For two parts Clear Whiskey, one part water, one part something to make me stop sweating into the sheets.” “But you’re sweating because you ran on a run, Kyoshi,” the Empress added. I swiveled around to address the interrupting ‘I’m busying ‘watching’ a play’ Empress. “And I’m sweating because I ran on a run because  _ you  _ ran off.” This only made her giggle. “We’re both sweating. It was a competition.”  _ Oh Toph, how you confuse me sometimes. I mean all the time.  _ “Would you like to...you know, wipe all the sweat  _ off _ ?” I asked her. “Ask again, I dare you,” she said, pretending to be serious. I… couldn’t be bothered to. An attendant nodded and departed. 

The curtains opened to a stereotypical backdrop of high peaks and forests. I’m glad some announcer announced “In the far north of Her Imperial Majesty’s Empire!” because I had  _ no  _ idea where that was supposed to be. “That’s not Yancun” I remarked. “No, it’s not anywhere like that,” Kotyan replied. _ Hey, I almost forgot you existed, I’m kidding, thanks for standing about six and a half me feet away and to my right.  _

“Why is the backdrop so bright?” I asked nobody. “Right? Xishan is much darker” the rightfully abdicated King of all those lands offered, sounding more like a humble tourist than a, well, monarch. “Why are those peaks so  _ wrong _ ?” “The Sky Peaks are supposed to impale the…” and he sounded much, much more melancholy with the end of this “... _ dancing green spirits _ .” “The only thing impaling any-” but I cut her off because  _ no, Toph, you don’t get to just toss a euphemism in _ . I took to giving her a sudden hair massage to  _ maybe, just maybe,  _ give the man standing over there with a neutral expression and a braided beard a moment of peace. Toph let out a few noises of approval. Kotyan wasn’t going to cry, but… after everything we’ve been through, those pretend mountains remind him -and I- of…  _ the darkness _ . Not that he’d get it, we have some really  _ amazing…  _ whatever, to just watch. 

“At least it’s summer now, Captain,” I said, trying to reassure him. He smiled, if but for a moment, and replied “And after, winter again.”  _ And during that, the lands of the Northern Water Tribe let loose thousands of… the darkness… to raid, loot and exterminate. After, summer again _ .  _ Winter, summer, winter, summer, on and on. Neither is technically longer than the other, but winter feels longer. Winter brings death, but gives way to rebirth. Summer brings life, but just as quickly gives way to death. Thus it has been. Thus it always will be. _

Toph was quite happy to be receiving a hair massage. She tends to like massages after all. It was during one such round me of slowly running my fingers down her scalp that the play itself began. Four people out for a stroll. From left to right, they were ‘walking’ towards the left, a short woman with toned muscles, a really good knockoff of the Imperial…  _ sometime…  _ Robes, and a bun of thick black hair. Then a man who looked like General Jun or I but standing on stilts, except this man was actually this tall. His sunrise-kissed hair done up lavishly into a long flowing queue and the choice of blue as his primary color clued me in immediately and scared me just as fast. Following them were, respectively, a woman in Kyoshi Warrior-esque armor and similar hair except drawn back into a topknot. Finally, a man with fake but well detailed eyebrows and  _ not nearly the same cheekbones, but close enough _ , whose skin was a bit darker than it really should be, dressed in Imperial Armor. 

I and my one eye eyed Kotyan, he eyed me back. The two of us were thinking the same thing. And while he ‘lacks’ honor or decency,  _ father-slayers aren’t considered that honorable _ , I was the one who lacked the patience. “If you  _ dare  _ try and put my cousin and the Captain together, I’ll gut your stomach!” Out of nowhere, the playwright himself appeared off near where the waiting attendant from earlier was. He was somehow larger in person.  _ Okay, he was a person, I meant that he was larger than he first or second appeared _ . “Don’t worry, Your Majesty. This play’s dedicated to Your Majesties, only.” and he gave this really… worryingly confident smirk. It’s as if,  _ no, of course _ , he’s held productions of this play time and time again.  _ And it’s a success because it features the two Imperials _ .

“So there’s a whole  _ tribe  _ of female fighters?” the actor version of me asked with about the same perceptiveness as intoxicated me.  _ Okay we’re off to a great start. Great start _ . “Yeah” Not Kotyan spoke up in a guttural voice. “And they live in those mountains,” he pointed at the background. “Yeah” Not Kotyan spoke up, again, with the same deep guttural voice. “So that’s our goal? Go there?” and he pointed at the mountains, then brought his hand back down to his side.  _ What is this exposition?  _

Real me turned to the Empress, who was picking her teeth. “Toph, do you like exposition?” She yawned. “No. Unless expositing all over someone is something that would be interesting.” “I’m pretty certain nobody in their right mind has ever said ‘I’m going to exposit all over you.’” and she went back to picking her teeth.  _ Wait, no, wait, I might’ve at once. I’m never in the right mind, though, so it still counts _ . Then the two of us resumed listening. For me, it meant watching with my good eye. For Toph, it meant directing one of her ears towards the stage while her lifeless eyes ‘stare’ at me. Or at that wall over there. Whichever ear she prefers. 

There was some laughing coming from the four stage actors who were now four seated stage actors. “Will you two stop being sarcastic?” Not Me asked with a really annoyed tone to Not Suki. “Only, only, on one condition” Not Suki replied. “ _ You  _ have to do something I ask you to.”  _ Okay… telling me to do things on conditions… that actually does remind me of Suki a little bit. I’m sarcastically scared. Help, the production value might actually be a thing. Just not for my actor’s pants _ . “I’ll do anything, just stop joking and go scout! Your Emperor orders you to!” that’s… what notme said.  _ I need to use that line more _ . That line made Toph chuckle. “That sounds like you.” So Not Suki grabbed Not Me and whispered something into Not Me’s ear. I don’t know how to learn ‘blush on command,’  _ that doesn’t seem like something a human could do _ but this man did just that. And when he blushed, I felt the sudden urge to consume all the Clear Whiskey in the Palace. 

The attendant arrived, but it wasn’t with a bottle of Kyoshi’s Own. It was with a rolled up scroll. She handed it to Kotyan, whose Northerner eyes flashed wide, showing that yes, indeed, Xishaners do have eyes, not just little beads, before marching in step around the bed and over to me. “Grand Chancellor” was all he had to say. Better than ‘I have a letter for Your Majesty’, because that would be vague. And since he’s an honorable man,  _ obtaining power over thousands and using it for the Empire and not his own ambitions,  _ he didn’t break the seal and open the scroll. The morning light shone in enough to let me see the seal was, indeed, that of the Grand Chancellor’s.  _ What’s he doing sending me letters in the middle of the morning?  _ The four actor’s laughters compounded this.  _ What’s he doing sending letters during this intimate, even if disliked, moment between the Empress and Emperor? This is a personal time for the two of us to spend together after everything else… not Court. He should know that.  _

It was a scroll with a main paragraph then two columns, one for names and one for  _ ‘Affiliation’ _ . The paragraph wrote of ‘ _ the successful conclusion of the operation to hunt down the origins of the Fancun Rebellion _ ’ in classical high poetry style text. The names and affiliations were written with a different hand entirely. I don’t mean a different writer,  _ that would bring questions into this if true _ , I mean that it lacked the same prose. No ‘ _ Valiant men tracked the rebels into their cavernous alcoves _ ’ or ‘ _ The tactical maneuvers employed were the marks of proof as this rebellion’s core section stemming from the officer ranks _ ’ or what have you. 

Just a bunch of names and notes on who they were. A person named Fenggao, middle-ranked officer in Ba Sing Se, had his entire regiment broke rank and sided with the rebels. A person named Gongxing was found responsible for supplying the rebels with the maps of certain back alleys in one specific district, those rebels then used those back-alleys to circumvent Dai Li pursuits and catch agents off guard. Another man, Shang, worked at the Fang Yu Crossing and had his men kill the present Dai Li to help the peasant rebels flood through and out into the countryside.

This rebellion’s official Imperial statistics were that it killed some low number in the thousands and of that, a tiny number of Dai Li and other military arms of the Badgermole Throne. This paper’s notes talk of hunting down entire barracks of Dai Li, and of entire… companies… of the military breaking into rebelling. Where were all these people when we laid siege to Fancun? Some, a man named Chu, led the deserters from his tank battalion. The more I looked, the more I realized that this wasn’t just a list of  _ people _ , this was a list of officers in the Imperial Army who had used their military training to hunt down unsuspecting Dai Li and not-them parts of the Imperial Army and mass execute them in the name of… ‘justice’. This was a list of officers who were all part of some… conspiracy… and they were on the way to toppling the Dai Li’s grip on parts of the city. 

The paper had no requests of me, surprising of papers,  _ not that surprising for something quilled by Xuan, but he’s not here _ . For once, I certainly had a few. “Attendant, get back to the Grand Chancellor,  _ now _ . Tell him I want more on all these people,  _ now _ .” The attendant wavered, so I yelled “ _ now. Now, _ ” two more times and sent her running.  _ Why aren’t the Dai Li volunteering for all this? Oh, right, they’re all busy… probably.  _

The four actors were saying their farewells. Lots of “You’ll have to stay behind to see for Her Imperial Majesty” and “Try not to get lost in the wrong valley” and...the Not Kotyan man... _ praying? _ ...to the sky. Completely the wrong fashion, and the actual Captain didn’t seem to care that everyone who was looking at him would see his grimace. Some time during my reading, the Empress had moved approximately halfway towards me. I’m guessing it’s because I’m warmer than she is. I’m also guessing she just likes moving around this ten Consort’s feet wide bed.  _ Why is it so wide? It’s the bed for the Empress of Ten Thousand Years. _

Back to the stage, Not Me asked Not the Empress “So that was a lie, right? You’re quite capable of seeing on your own.” The blind woman pulled off a perfect eye roll.  _ Well you’re definitely in character _ . Speaking of character, last I checked, the Empress of Ten Thousand Years, the Blind Bandit, and so on, never approached the Emperor, the One-Eyed Badgermole, the  _ me _ , in the way this woman approached this man. That is to say, with an ire of a brothel-maid and the biting of her lips.  _ I… really need a whiskey.  _

I’m glad I only had to hear the next part and not see it. My good eye was busy watching the walkway, waiting for something. For news. I’m not glad that the Empress decided  _ now  _ was the right time to start feeling my face and my approximately ninety eight kind of facial hairs,  _ turns out they’re quite communal in choosing to appear as mustache hairs and chin hairs.  _ I wouldn’t mind that much, I end up having my face felt quite often when the Empress likes to ‘get a look at you’ while we’re sleeping. Except this time, that made me look back on stage and at the two parodies of us engaging in quite oogie behavior. Well, not  _ quite _ , it’s tame, but longing kisses aren’t what I think of when I think of ‘things Toph would never do to anyone else, ever’. I’ll ask her again next year. It will still probably be on the list. And as much as I didn’t like the two of them kissing, it could only get worse.  _ Because this is Pu-On Tim _ . 

Now, I’m no expert on the art of romance. In fact, my total experience on the matter comes entirely from reading materials and discussions with Suki. Suki, for her part, wasn’t the most knowledgeable for most of our lives, and I have to say there’s  _ still  _ a little bit of disgust at remembering that my cousin, my dear loving cousin, has done things. No, not killing. Killing is fine. You’re killing a person who is trying to kill you, no problem with that. Things more relevant to this play. Like proper kissing technique. What I  _ have  _ learned from her,  _ bless the Clear Whiskey _ , is that the two people engaging in such disgustingly oogie  _ kisses _ are supposed to do it with intent.

_ ‘It’s like drawing my blade and hewing that bamboo stick in two. There’s no wrong way to do it, but if I want to perfectly cut it in two, I need to focus, take my time, and when the moment’s right,’ she took a breath, raised the katana up and brought it down, slicing the bamboo shaft down the middle, ‘do it.’  _ I can’t say I look forward to the errant discussion on ‘when you, my dear cousin, one day fulfill your job as heir-maker’, but I can say that the kissing I was watching up there wasn’t the kissing I was… taught. Ironically, Suki explained that ‘you shouldn’t follow a manual’.  _ So I’m not supposed to follow a manual but I’m also supposed to focus, take my time, and ‘do it’. That’s very helpful. _ One more reason why I’m not doing any heir-making anytime soon: I still have no idea what vague nonsense my cousin was talking about. 

During their kissing, the two of them had taken to lying down, she sitting on his waist, and he was pretending to be a fallen tree trunk. She pulled herself forward and backwards on him and made… really out of character noises.  _ Very good, I would like to smash my head into that wall, thank you _ . I turned back to the real Toph and whispered “Are you sure this is what you want to listen to? I think it’s...really bad.” Toph snorted in humor. “You’re just stiff. Relax a little.” Then she grabbed the stone behind the headrest, tapped it, and felt what I was watching. As Not Toph pulled herself forward and made more… appropriate for a brothel-maid noises, Not Me pulled her onto his face. He pulled her hair bracelet off and suddenly vanished behind a waterfall of black hair. I looked at the real Toph, then back at this nonsensical stage performance.  _ You know what, if nothing else, I can’t say they got her hair wrong _ . 

Not Me was telling not Toph that exact compliment. “You’ve got such beautiful hair. I know you’ll never see it, but know that it’s as beautiful as an intricate cave system.” Not Toph and real Toph blushed at the same time. “Oh, so you  _ do  _ like this?” I accidentally spouted, only realizing my error afterwards. That made her blush vanish and replaced with a snarky comment of “Go back to watching.” Not Toph told Not Me “I like yours, too” while she began pulling playing with his hair. And kissing it. And licking it. He gave her a passionate kiss at the base of her neck and she gave him a happy yelp. And I gave myself a headache.  _ One head, headbump the headrest, thank you _ .

A letter returned. A Dai Li agent was the carrier, not the attendant from earlier.  _ So someone realized the necessity of transportation _ . This letter contained the details on a couple people. Someone named Qinming, officer in charge of a barracks adjacent to a guard post somewhere. He was imprisoned for giving the plans of the Wall he was next to to rebels and helping them get through. Because not everyone’s as skilled as the Dai Li in blasting holes in the wall to walk through. Someone else named Weizhi was an officer for many years and suddenly led his contingent of riders out on ‘training’ and began pillaging the Agrarian Zone. Another couple officers led their barracks out on ‘drills’ that turned into rebellion.  _ This is just one paper. _ I don’t know why they didn’t get me more details of the people I had read about before, but it didn’t matter, did it?  _ This is problematic enough. People need to die _ .

This time, my reading was interrupted by Toph grabbing the letter, pulling it away from me, and tossing it off the bed. “Kyoshi, stop holding a paper” she said with a strangely soft tone,  _ oh, right, she’s halfway under a blanket and feeling nice and comfortable,  _ and she slowly took to playing with my hair. Slowly. She pulled my queue apart and slowly ran her hands down it.  _ I… why do I feel weird? Oh wait, of course, it’s nice to have my hair massaged _ . 

“Why are you doing this?” I, the expert and destroying a moment, asked. “I’m trying to mess with your head,” she explained in her usual sarcastic tone.  _ Literally.  _ She was literally messing with my head, so… credit to her. I couldn’t do much beyond whine that my  _ critically important letter  _ was now lying on the ground, but at least I could grab the Empress’s face and trade her massaging with mine. I don’t know, it’s what felt right. I grabbed a handful of her hair in one of my hands and slowly twirled it through my fingers. This was going quite well until I heard those out-of-character noises…  _ the brothel-maid ones _ … and went wide-eyed. I fell backwards and was scared,  _ did I just do that?  _ “Did I just do that, Toph?” I asked her. She broke into laughter. “No, not yet, no that’s from over there-” and she pointed at the wrong wall and my full attention went with it.  _ Thank the Spirits I… that wasn’t intended.  _ Then it went to the right wall.  _ Okay, no, don’t thank the Spirits, can I gouge my eye out now? _

Not Toph had taken Not Me’s hands and placed them on her chest. As she was wearing fancy, fancy, robes, I found him now in the process of removing said robes from blocking his… intentions. His…  _ aspirations _ … you could say.  _ Or don’t say. The less said, the better _ . She was trying to pull off his blue robes,  _ really bright blue _ , and he had…  _ I can’t even… I can’t say it. It’s…  _ “What’s he doing, Kyoshi?” Real Toph asked, one hand on the wall, one hand on my collar. 

“He’s…” I still couldn’t say it. “What? It feels like he’s trying to poke her with his hands.” “He’s…”  _ you can do it.  _ She gave me an annoyed glare.  _ I can’t not tell her.  _ “Can I not tell you?” “Only if you want to do a thousand push-ups. With me on your back.”  _ Why must you be smart enough to detect my nervousness?  _ “He’s-” my actor had slid his hands under her robes and  _ up  _ her robes, and was… “-grabbing her chest.” The actress held her ‘partner’s’ hands and… _ more brothel-maid sounds _ . That’s it. “Yes! Squeeze them!” I looked at Toph, then at a different-but-similar-looking waiting attendant, and gave the exact same instructions as before. “Two parts Clear Whiskey, one part water.” 

“Toph… are you  _ sure  _ we can’t-” I had to whisper the next part, “-just… you know, kill these people for being so oogies?” She chuckled. “Kyoshi, it’s fine. It’s a good play so far” she sounded quite sarcastic, but she might’ve also been distracted by  _ rubbing my neck, why are you rubbing my neck? _ . “Toph, why are you rubbing my neck?” “Because I’m giving you a neck massage?”  _ I… huh?  _ “No, but  _ why _ . Did you practice? You’re getting good.”  _ I… did the attendants teach you this? Well done, you _ . The Empress, amazingly, reacted with interest. I was expecting her to hear my rarely-heard soft voice and recoil into something sarcastic, but no. “Good to hear.”  _ Okay, it’s not the best affirmation, but it’s nice _ . The two of us were face-to-face, so it wasn’t like I was missing out on the fun of slowly rubbing her scalp. And so I did. Slowly. “I learned this from Lord Qiangyang” was her justification for slowly caressing my neck, applying enough pressure to feel it but not enough to hurt.  _ Well… that immediately destroyed any thoughts of me thinking you learned this from a human being. Or beings _ . 

All good things can’t last, though. Another pair, or maybe they were the same, of Dai Li showed up bearing another letter. “Pardon us, Your Majesty, a letter from Grand Chancellor Bohai.” and the agent held out his hand. The Empress was having good fun running her hands up and down the back of my neck, but hearing about the letter made me tense up.  _ More names _ . This made Toph pull back from what she was doing. “What’s the matter, Kyoshi? It’s just a letter. You can read it later.”  _ It’s a letter, but these are important.  _ I grabbed her face and pulled her close. “Toph, can I  _ please  _ read the letter? It’s about…”  _ why are you so anxious _ , “...the rebellion.” She scoffed and laid back. “Go ahead, Kyoshi, read your stupid letter.” I waved them over and I received the letter.

I finally had a name for this movement. The ‘Paragons of the Way of Lasting Peace’ was the official title given to them. It was on previous documents, but I had paid it no heed. I had to put up with listening to the… noises… of pleasure,  _ Spirits I need whiskey, now _ , of one woman… while trying to scan this paper for new information. 

It happened to be that this paper included the confessions of some imprisoned sage. Guangxu.  _ He  _ claims that each rebel was granted a title based on their fervor. Follower, Pupil, Student, Scholar all ‘ranks’ that these officers and those under them had. The more knowledgeable someone was, the higher their rank. Most of the previous letters, the ones with the list of officers, had a note attached to each officer, ‘ _ denies any leader to the movement’, _ and only when I was reading this letter did that hit me.  _ It was chaos _ . 

Officers went wherever they felt like. There weren’t any messenger hawks. There weren’t any couriers, or if there were, they’d probably be killed off as soon as they were discovered.  _ It was uncoordinated and that’s why they failed.  _ I looked up at the agents and thanked them. “Thank you agents. Please find the Grand Chancellor and have him send me any other information he deems important.” The two agents bowed and walked off. 

I had my cheeks pinched in a surprise attack by the Empress. “Ow!” I yelped. She squealed in giggling enjoyment. I took her hand  _ off,  _ only to find my hand now coated with sweat-like sweat. “Why did you do that?” I asked her. “Why did you do  _ that _ ?” she asked me, grabbing my cheek again. “Because having my cheek pinched hurts.” I whined. Instead of apologizing,  _ this is Toph after all _ , she went on to rubbing my hair. “Will I ever find out why you did that?” I hoped she’d give me any answer other than the one she gave me. “ _ To mess with your head _ ,” she said it like someone who knew  _ exactly  _ what she was doing.  _ Of course she was, she’s good at messing with me. Not that I mind. That much.  _ I sat up, which brought her hands with me since she wasn’t going to let go. “Who taught you-” but I was interrupted by more oogie brothel-maid noises. 

Not Me had switched places. Now he was sliding his hand down Not Toph’s fancy robes and…  _ you know, it’s really hard to put that into words _ . He was… massaging something that… I can’t explain it. But he was doing… that, and she was breathing really heavily and gasping for…  _ are you seriously out of air? Come on, we’re not flying in a biplane at it’s altitude limit, you’re on the ground. Wait, no… it’s… right _ . This… rhythmic… event of the not Consort sheathing his… well the euphemism doesn’t work, but… the rhythm wasn’t lost on someone  _ else _ . 

That someone accidentally pulled off the sash to my Imperial Informal Robes. Accidentally. Then threw the sash away. And found herself on my chest, just like she’d be when she uses me as a pillow. Except, this time, she was twirling my hair. She was in the middle of playing with some of my auburn strands when she heard the parody of her expressing joy at a fictional -no, it was a very  _ real _ \- event that was happening in front of our very…  _ you know the saying doesn’t work _ . Long poetry short, “Kyoshi, what’s he doing to her? It seems like he’s scratching an itch.” 

_ Oh by Kyoshi. No. Kyoshi. No. Don’t make me. No. Supreme Ancestor, no. No. Nope. No. No. No. No. I don’t want to. No. No. Nope. This is not my responsibility as Consort of… well… actually it is. Wait… no, of course it’s my responsibility. But… Supreme Ancestor, why, why do this to me? Why not have questions be answered by experience, like everything else. Or… no, not experience. But… Why make this conversation occur at this point in my existence? Why? Is this a blessing from the Spirits? The only thing being blessed is me, by the Spirit of Whiskey.  _

“Toph. I… he’s giving her a massage.” As if the Spirits hate me, on cue, the woman wailed in enjoyment of what she was experiencing.  _ I… nope. Yep. Nope. Yep.  _ “Sounds fun” the Empress remarked, half joking, half busy working her fingers into my auburn hair. She was spreading strands out, rolling them back over her hands and spreading them out again. She was really enjoying playing with my hair, so much so that I didn’t want to respond. 

“It’s…”  _ By Kyoshi, how do I even respond?  _ “It’s… well  _ she’s  _ having fun, but I think it’s disgusting.”  _ Why did I say that? Why do I always throw my own morals and ethics into these things? _ The Spirits  _ do  _ hate me, they took to having Not Toph screech out “Yes! Pinch that button!” much to Not Me’s delight. He kissed her, she kissed him, and he… well it was impossible to see what he was doing with his hand, but he did something that made her physically quiver. 

The real Empress was far from happy. As if she knew exactly where my head was,  _ I would bet she does _ , she blocked out my actual sight with her sightless green eyes. “What button, Kyoshi? Like a button that operates an engine?” ‘ _ Like a button that operates an engine?’  _ I looked over at Kotyan, who was somewhere between disbelief and one  _ miao  _ from a total mental break. Toph’s literal pressing for an answer,  _ Your Majesty, shoving a finger into my chest won’t make this any easier _ , made the King of the Xishan Tribes sit down… and start laughing. This was the moment, not when his people were cut down by the darkness, not facing discrimination, none of that,  _ this  _ was the moment when he had a mental break.  _ Blood and war are easy… basing your knowledge of the personal arts on… Pu-On Tim… is not. _

“It’s a...button…” I looked at Kotyan for advice. Kotyan wasn’t giving any. His harsh Northerner voice boomed in laughter as he tried to restrain himself but… couldn’t. He fell backwards off the chair and started rolling around like a lunatic. Toph’s lifeless eyes are innocent, her scowl is not. “Yes, it’s a button.” Toph grabbed my tongue. “Can you just tell me what it does?” and she let go of my tongue. Her other hand was holding onto the wall so that she and I -when I wasn’t being blocked by her head- could both witness Not Me giving Not Her not a massage.  _ Oh, it’s a massage… it’s just not the kind you or I have ever given one another _ .

I staggered like a drunk drunk on cactus juice  _ and  _ Clear Whiskey. At the same time. “My… cousin’s friend, one of her Warriors… once got really hammered… and told me… it was… some… kind of really… I… I… I… I… I… I… think she called it pin-... pin-... ‘pinchable’, and that when it  _ was  _ pinched, it would make her I… I... think it would make her… lose… lose her mind in ha… happiness. It’s… it’s a button. It looks like a button. That’s why it’s called a button.” That might be a record for the most staggering in a single statement I’ve ever given.  _ There you go, Your Majesty, I… explained it. Good? Got it?  _

This only made her grab me with both hands and shake me furiously. “Where is it? How happy does it make someone?” and she tried to shake me into some nonsense.  _ Not sense, nonsense _ . Back on stage, Not Me had finally pulled part of the fancy mimicry of the Imperial Robes down and began… well thank the Spirits, it was just out of sight, but I saw him kneeling and…  _ I don’t…  _ I don’t even… I can’t even… he did things with his mouth.  _ Many many things with his mouth _ .  _ You’re doing a great job as Consort, Not Consort.  _

And yet, I had… a duty… to my Empress to explain what was going on. Nobody told me I  _ had  _ to explain it a certain way, so I explained it as I wish. “It makes people...very happy… Toph. Instantly happy… I believe.” As if the Spirits hate me and also to prove this, though probably to be expected from what we were listening to, the woman let out another passionate… brothel-maid sound of enjoyment. 

“How do I find it?  _ I want to be happy _ ! Instant happiness? I want it!” Toph sounded… really upset.  _ Maybe the right word is jealous?  _ I took a few deep breaths. I looked at Kotyan, he was still in the process of losing it; so I looked at the attendants, and the women were all formally smiling; so I looked at the Imperial Guards, but they were trying not to break into laughter at my… situation. “I... Toph… it’s a button… it’s… that’s… that’s… all I know about it. It’s… a button. That’s… it.” “Can you stop stuttering?” she snapped, getting more frustrated.  _ Oh by Kyoshi… no I can’t… it’s… too hard. _ Then she shuffled further down me and put her hand on my chest. 

After a few  _ miao  _ of feeling it, she snapped -in a concerning annoyance- “Why is your heart trying to break free?”  _ Because this is one of the strangest conversations I’ve ever had. But you can do it, tree man! You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! You can do it!  _ “I’m… really nervous about… it’s a button... I’m nervous about buttons.” Then I nodded, hoping that would work. I forgot that I was speaking to a person who didn’t understand nervously dismissive nods but did understand heartbeats.  _ And lying. _ “You’re not nervous about buttons, you’re nervous about something else,” and she… took to… not chasing me for an answer to the ‘button’ question. 

_ Ow. Please don’t grab my neck and… slowly rub it? What?  _ “Why are you rubbing my neck?” “Why not?” then I began laughing from the sensation of being tickled. “You’re…  _ tickling  _ me.” Suddenly, the morning light revealed an ear-to-ear grin of hers. _ Oh she’s having far too much fun tickling me _ . We went on like this for a few  _ fen _ . She’d tickle me in my most ticklish places, namely my underarms and my torso. I  _ tried  _ to fight back, and managed to get on the counteroffensive for about twenty  _ miao _ , tickling  _ her  _ torso. Didn’t work. She’s far more experienced at messing with people’s heads… and finding ways to annoy others. 

This came to a screeching halt when a pair of Dai Li agents returned bearing another letter. Another Grand Chancellor’s letter. “Toph, can I take this?” I asked, far from lighthearted. “As long as I can keep listening to those two having fun” and she began stroking my chest with her finger, her goal,  _ I have no idea _ .  _ Probably have fun. _ My goal? Read that letter. I gave a single glance to confirm that Not Her had  _ torn through  _ Not Me’s pants to… do things.  _ How do you even cut through pants… how? By Kyoshi...  _

I swiped the letter from them. The ‘Paragons of the Way of Lasting Peace’ appeared to be mostly an Imperial Army endeavour. There weren’t any high or high-middle,  _ think Colonel or above _ , rank officers involved in this. It mostly looked to be low level regimental officers leading parts of their regiments in rebellion. All of this, the officers, the rebels, what they were doing, it felt incomplete. It seemed like it couldn’t add up. Until...

The letter mentioned that the rebellion suddenly began when a meteor crashed into the Agrarian Zone.  _ The same meteor that forms my blades and Toph’s amazing arm bracelets, among others objects we own.  _ The letter mentioned thousands of people rising up  _ overnight _ .  _ Crack _ . Not one many walking around rallying them like a normal rebellion.  _ Crack _ . And, at first, some of these rebels were wearing green headbands.  _ Green headbands _ .  _ Crack _ . These rebels were known to be hunting down governmental figures.  _ Crack _ . But it wasn’t across the board.  _ Crack.  _ The subject of this letter was the responses by a few such figures. One officer who ran the Home Army in a district who had his house completely left alone by the rebelling regimental mobs. A Mayor who had the looters pass by his house and ignore him, his family and his household. The letter doesn’t go into detail with how these dozen-odd figures were spared, or rather, it doesn’t go into  _ why _ .  _ And the egg cracked open inside my head _ . 

The Green Headband Movement.  _ This matches up with them perfectly. _ Composed of Imperial Army officers, their mission was to root out corruption. But they also claimed that they had allies in a few Magistrates. And other Magistrates,  _ or members of the government in general _ , who they’d spare. And it wasn’t run by any one figure, it was a populist movement, just like this. Finally, the fact that all these people suddenly rebelled overnight.  _ It’s like they were planning and they used the meteor strike as an excuse to begin _ . Everything suddenly came together. 

On stage, the two people also came together. That is, they became quite intimate. Their kisses kept going, his hands were on her waist. Hers were digging into his back. Various brothel-maid noises resulted. This built up to the two whispering “Yes?” and “Yes!” from Not Me and Not Toph, respectively. I have to thank the Spirits for them spinning around so that I and my one-eye and Kotyan and his barely-held-together self could watch what we did. Not Toph lying on the ground, her legs… opened, and Not Me… well… real Toph said it the best. 

Or the worst. “Is he… sheathing his sword, Kyoshi?” she asked, pulling the scroll out of my hands and tossing it into a wall.  _ Sheathing his… oh by Kyoshi _ . I looked at Kotyan, he still had nothing to say, and I sighed quite  _ loudly _ . “Yes, Toph.” At around the same time, he did exactly what Toph thought he did, and the very vocal actress began being even more vocal. And I prayed for some Clear Whiskey and for all of this to just end. “It  _ sounds  _ quite enjoyable,” she remarked, now back to playing with my hair and my neck. “It’s…”  _ I wish my cousin was here _ . I tried to recall what I had read… and what I had heard from gossip,  _ real people gossip not folktales _ . “It’s… it’s… painful? It’s… I don’t… it’s… I have no idea… I’ve no experience… it’s… it’s… probably is.” 

My staggering confusion was stopped by Toph putting one hand on my chest while the other twirled her own hair around. “If it’s so painful, why do they seem to be having so much fun?” For once, I sidetracked  _ her _ . “Toph, did anyone ever… you know, educate you on marriage?” “Yes!” she sounded like she was crossing her arms even if she wasn’t. “I… I’m not that person… to educate you. Can we… discuss this another time?”  _ Please? Please?  _ Surprisingly, she said “Sure” and laid down on my chest. 

“On one condition…” she trailed off, making me groan.  _ One condition. You’ve got to be kidding me _ . “As long as you remain a pillow here.”  _ That’s…  _ “But I have very important news for someone…”  _ someone indeed. A mysterious assassin.  _ Toph began mimicking my mouth with her hand. “Blah blah blah blah. You  _ aren’t leaving _ .” I looked at the pair of Dai Li that had acted as couriers. They gave me these stone faces that suggested that ‘no, you aren’t leaving’ because ‘Her Imperial Majesty ordered Your Majesty to stay’.  _ Those  _ faces.

So I conceded. I put the scroll down and grabbed a bottle of freshly arrived Clear Whiskey. Then I drank it up and laid back on the bed. I tried my hardest to ignore the sounds of two parodies yelling “I love you” to each other. 

If nothing else, Toph was happy. And… for everything I’ve said, truly, I  _ don’t  _ mind attending these plays. Nothing brightens my day, save my cousins, like seeing the Empress have so much enjoyment.  _ She’s earned it. _ The thing is...  _ if I don’t get to speak to the immortal assassin, she might not get to enjoy this for long _ .  _ If I don’t speak to him… there may come a time when she won’t get to go to these plays… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Emperor searches for answers... and comes across a familiar set of headband wearing people.
> 
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -The chapter title: Toph should really be doing other things with her time, other than Pu-On Tim plays that is, like, for example, handling the aftereffects of a rebellion.  
> -The whole play drops hints at that, some will be explained here, some will be left up to your imagination.  
> -Mori's duck-goose hunting is part of how he keeps up his good archery skills  
> -Nan's visual design is based on waterfowl dogs, namely the Labrador Retriever and Golden Retriever.  
> -Going to plays is one of Toph's favorite things to do.   
> -Other fanfics may have these 'play chapters' act as filler on their own, but I keep up the motif of having two stories running side-by-side, with the 'real' story being the 'less interesting one'. A good tip is to read this chapter, then re-read it and watch for the other story going on. Why not have the 'Rebellion' plot be the main one? They're at a play, Mori can't just focus on that. 
> 
> -This play includes lots of comments by Toph that go right over Mori's head because he's busy dealing with the rebellion.  
> -The play takes place in Yancun, a land that Toph has not been to, not that she cares.  
> -This play helps further the myth of people who've 'seen' places in movies (or in this case plays) versus people that have actually been there. Why include it? It's a matter of literal character growth. In the time since they departed, Mori went to go see/be at this frontier (and even further north) while Toph stayed where she was.  
> -The most pleasure Toph gets from this play is stuff to laugh at. Mori's just an idiot and Toph's getting too good at covering it. Right?  
> -‘Paragons of the Way of Lasting Peace’ is based on the naming conventions of various populist rebellions in Imperial China.   
> -Fun fact of the day: Just because she's extremely dirty and spouts euphemisms doesn't mean she knows anything.  
> -Why did Mori tell her? It's his obligation (roll credits...please?) to do so.


	85. Multicolored Rebels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the search of answers to "Who started the Fancun Rebellion", the Emperor is led to a group of previous... acquaintances... of his. 
> 
> They both agree on a few things. Namely, Kyoshi's Ethics and an unwavering loyalty to Her Imperial Majesty.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty One:

The Acolytes. The ‘Paragons of the Way of Lasting Peace’. The Green Headbands. I’d been given a multitude of different sources for who caused the Fancun Rebellion. A drunk claimed they were created by someone’s sister being stolen. An old minister seemed to suggest a newfound movement caused them. And I, the tree-man, mused that this movement was, in turn, caused by a different movement entirely. But the drunk was the Imperial Tutor. The old minister was the Grand Chancellor. And I’m the Emperor. The first and third options are already known, the second is some organization that nobody connected any dots to.  _ But… we can’t clamp down on the entire Imperial Army, and the Acolytes sit in a peculiar spot in terms of organizations _ .

I had spent the better part of the mid-afternoon and early evening tossing and turning in bed. The Empress had opted to take a midday nap, my movement prohibited her use of my chest as a pillow. I  _ tried  _ telling her why I was so tense, “I suspect I know who’s behind this rebellion”, but instead of having a serious conversation, she shrugged. “Then go deal with the suspects.” She didn’t seem to care that much for the subtleties. I shouldn’t expect a person who can’t read to understand subtext. That’s not really her fault, it’s not who she is. “I  _ know  _ who’s behind it,” I said, proud of my answer. “That’s great. The rebellion’s over, though, so you’re a bit late.” I had hoped for better, but expected about as much. A few  _ fen  _ later, I came to a confession of my own. “I can’t sleep, Toph.” “Why?” she asked, her voice muffled by a pillow. “These rebels… the firestarter… the cause…  _ it’s stressing me out _ .” With all this aside, the Empress tried her best to relieve my tension in her own womanly way.

And by womanly, I mean I laid on a couple dozen rock pillars while she bruised my back in a hundred different spots. The pillars lightly hit me in the back.  _ Lightly _ . She’d tap the ground and ‘massage’ my back. After all that was done… “Now, are you calm?” she asked, smirking. “I won’t lie, all the soon to be bruises have distracted my attention, yes. Ow.” “Did this help you relax, yes or no?” and she put a hand on my bare chest. “Yes.” She gave me a toothy grin and gave the ground one foot stomp. 

Because my reflexes vary between present and ‘trying to see what’s to my right’, I landed on the ground with one massive  _ thud _ . “Watch out! Falling tree!” and she pointed and laughed. I made no such jokes, mostly because…  _ ow _ . Then she helped me up and gave me a reassuring hug of “If you need more, I’ll be happy to break a bone or two.” A wonderful offer that I… did not want. “I’ll pass for now, thanks.” Oh, when I said hug, I meant that she wrapped her hand around me to hammerfist me in the back.  _ Ow, two, ow-ier edition _ . Technically a hug, practically just Toph being Toph. “Your loss, not mine,” she quipped. 

Then we split up for the…  _ evening?  _ Evening. “I’ve got a metalbending class to go teach. Then I’ve got some earthbending to go practice with some friends.” and she cracked her knuckles.  _ I…  _ “I have a place… or two to go to.”  _ The Green Headbands.  _ “Aww, I thought maybe you’d want to come along-” she gave me one good  _ punch  _ to the shoulder. “-you’re a good meat bag to practice on.” I tried to maintain my focus,  _ the Green Headbands _ , but that was hard. “ _ I’m a good meat bag _ ?” I asked, not really believing the words I was saying. “Sure. The offer still-” she tried to sweep my leg out from under me, then, since I didn’t budge, frustratingly started tugging at my robe, “I wanted to say the offer still  _ stands  _ but you’re not complying!” Then, before I could apologize, she knocked me back onto the bed with a  _ shove _ . “Eh, close enough” she kissed her fists, metalbent her hair bracelet over to her, and did up her hair. “Have… a good… class, Your-” “I got a name” she snapped back. “-Toph. Have a good class, Toph” and I head-bowed to her. “Yeah, you… have a good… whatever you’re doing.” She walked over to me and my half on the bed self, waved for me to get closer, and punched me in the shoulder. Then she left, making the Imperial Guards part for her. 

“If Your Majesty is planning to attend the Minister of Finance’s birthday celebration, may I recommend this?” and Ming gestured to one of many court robes, this one with an earth coin motif where the coins almost overlapped. _Minister of Finance… Birthday? I… wasn’t informed of this in any Memorials, but maybe that’s credit to the Censorate?_ “No, I’m not planning to attend a birthday celebration. I’m going out to… go out on the town,” I tried nodding to support my genuine claim. _Yeah. Out on the town_. _Finding those soldiers is… I can’t just summon them, can I?_ _No, no of course not. They’re somewhere out in the city._

“Would Your Majesty like a robe for dinners? Or is Your Majesty’s preference… more basic?”  _ More basic. The Imperial, formal, way of referring to something that nobles aren’t often seen doing _ . “I’d like some kind of informal green robe. I don’t want to fit in.” She needed a few  _ miao  _ to react to that. Then she gave me a head nod and a  _ fen  _ later, returned with just that. A ‘simple’ green robe that made me look like an affluent Middle Ringer. Simple being relative, of course. A small amount of gold trim along the edge of the robe and on the cuffs. After that was done, my hair was done into a topknot, not a queue. I swapped the sigil-bearing eyepatch for a less conspicuous normal green one. Finally, the scabbards were traded. Fancy for simple. Same single  _ jian _ . All this and other things less important done, I set out.

I didn’t have as many problems as I thought. My  _ yunjiwei _ was a few doors down. Nan came running along, but he was tired after a day of running around and wolf-dog practice courtesy the Imperial Coach’s men. So I told him “Go to sleep Nan”. Then he licked my hand and woofed a ‘I’m going with you’ and I hesitated.  _ I can’t have you go with me. I’ll be spotted instantly.  _ Then it hit me that, for as long as I was above ground, I wasn’t technically breaking any laws. Nobody  _ else  _ knew the Green Headbands existed, right?  _ Or… rather, nobody else knows that the Green Headbands are who they are _ .  _ So if I met a few officers at a tavern, I’d just be meeting a few officers in a tavern. Right?  _ Not that illegal. If Nan was coming, then Zhu might as well, too. 

“Dress informally, but Your Majesty, I don’t understand…” he trailed off, clearly the art of dressing like a commoner was something… inappropriate for this  _ junzi _ . “We’re going out to drink a few at a tavern I know and love.” My  _ yunjiwei _ looked good in his simple robes. He could pass for my servant, or maybe, if he didn’t have such a square face and thin mustache, a sibling of some sort. “Then why not dress fancily, Your Majesty?” “I don’t want to be the center of attention.” “But...you’re Your Majesty. It’s hard not to be.” and he tied his robe on. “That’s why I look like this” and I pointed at the simple, ‘simple’ being simple for an Upper Ringer but fancy for a Middle Ringer, topknot cap and robes and scabbard and such. “What good is a weapon-bearer if I can’t weapon-bear, Your Majesty?” he asked, well meaning,but missing the point. “You passed some tests, no? You’ve got more wits than just a man carrying another man’s blade around.” He gave a chuckle, a very similar chuckle to his adopted father. “Good point, Your Majesty. I concede.”  _ Good.  _ “It’s good that you concede. Now… stop worrying about blades” I gave him a pat on the back, “and let’s get going-” I took my hand and exaggeratedly pointed it at the wall “- _ out _ !”

The three of us took the path of least people. The Ministers might not be gathering in the Inner or Outer Courtyard, but a gigantic dragon was. That dragon’s rider was staying a few more nights. He had a well known tea-maker to visit for some ‘calming’ tea, if the Imperial Guards and heralds and courtiers and a Memorial are all to be believed. And if the dragon wasn’t there, then a small army of guards and heralds and courtiers were. I wasn’t dressing to go out to celebrate a festivity,  _ when was the last time I’d even done that? _ , I was dressed to go somewhere… quieter. Once I obtained an ostrich horse and  _ explicitly  _ forbade a retinue, citing ‘a personal hunting trip’ into the rural lands north of the Imperial Palace as my excuse, I wheeled right and bolted down some noble’s old hunting trail. 

Zhu was obedient, but that didn’t make him blind. “We’re going south, not north.” This was provable by the red Sun sinking behind a far distant wall…  _ to our right _ , and by the glinting towers of the Imperial Palace consuming the skyline to the rest of the west. The Imperial Palace Grounds were somehow bigger from the northeast than from other directions, but that might be because of the number of palatial structures that are otherwise hidden behind the crown jewel of the Empire. 

I slowed my mount down to turn towards him and speak. “We’re going south, because we’re not going hunting.” “Why lie to the Imperial Guards, Your Majesty?” he asked with an unsure tone because this random break from expectations made him uneasy. “I’m the Emperor, and I have places to go that aren’t hunting. What kind of fool hunts at night?” “According to the records I studied for my _ junzi  _ exams, a waterbender, Your Majesty.”  _ A waterbender _ .

I had to stop the ostrich horse to take a few deep breaths. I closed my one happy eye and was suddenly back in the far distant lands, tribal lands,  _ Xishan _ , with snow capped evergreens and the unnerving cry of the loon-grebe.  _ Ooo-ahhh-ooo _ .  _ The waterbenders. Merciless. The darkness. A darkness that is coming for us all.  _ A few breaths later and one “Your Majesty?” from Zhu, and I opened my one good eye and was back in the Upper Ring’s curated hunting lands. Nan howled, as if he sensed the… gloominess… that haunted the back of my mind. I snapped my mount’s reins and we resumed our fast trotting. I gave my  _ yunjiwei  _ a single short glance. “Let’s go. Waterbenders aren’t fools, they’re experts. And they’re savages.” My assistance gave a nod. “Experience is often the best teacher,” I told him. 

“Couldn’t agree more, Your Majesty. I’d never know my Minquan Moon Cutters from regular pirates if not for experience.”  _ Minquan…  _ That brought back some strangely distant memories. Memories of Moon People and  _ the rising Moon _ . “Minquan? You fought them?” I had to swallow a strange lump in my throat. “I did, Your Majesty” he admitted with the humility of his father. Then with the confident arrogance of his father, he also admitted “They were taunting us and claimed that their god was on their side. They called on their Moon to protect them… we killed them all. Sailors aren’t good soldiers. The sail back…” he paused to take a deep breath, “...wasn’t as easy.” It’s the kind of breath that those who’ve lived through dragonfire or Caldera would take when recalling those events.

“Why not so much?” “Oh, you know, Your Majesty. The Sunrise Sea is quite difficult to deal with. Minquaners, they know their seas. Tumultuous waves are nothing to them. Our boats? Ripped to shreds while we sailed back home.”  _ That’s… really weird. Those people are fruit pies.  _ “I didn’t know the Minquaners were so experienced. When I saw them, they struck me as a bunch of backwards backwater peasants.” “They are on land, but at sea, they’re just…” he let go of the reins to try and make a ‘expanding’ motion with his hands. “...they’re just better, Your Majesty.” 

“I guess living along two seas makes you a good sailor,” I guessed, not taking it that seriously. “Oh, Your Majesty would know better than I. How was the Sea of Kyoshi to boat in? I haven’t had the chance.” _Can’t say it was the best_. _It… I can’t really say much about it. I grew up contending with it, but I was also used to it. It was the base that I’d compare everything else to as being ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ to deal with_. _Homeland bias and all_. “It was a sea. Not really good, not really bad. Give it respect, it’ll respect you. That’s what the fishers used to say” and I turned to the right to look inwards at a darkening wood. “Father used to say the same thing, Your Majesty. My men took it extremely.” 

“Your father told them to respect the water?” I tried to clarify, since… Song’s advice is true. “No, no, Your Majesty, the sailors I was with were superstitious.”  _ Ah.  _ “Of course. Ironic. They knew the difficulties of the Sunrise, though, no?” “They did, Your Majesty, but every once in a while we get rough tides and this was just one of those days.”  _ As always, the Imperial Army or Navy showcase their tactical brilliance. With superstitions.  _ “Any truth to the superstitions?” I asked him, trying to think back to stories I’ve heard. “Maybe, maybe not. The Moon could’ve come to avenge it’s ‘loyal people’, or maybe the Moon’s just a celestial object.”  _ They’re crazy Moon People, what do I expect? _

He went on to tell a different ‘truth’ he heard. “Your Majesty, there is a superstition based on this rumor… we used to hear a rumor that the Avatar turned into a giant fish and cut a bunch of Fire Navy ships apart.” “But that’s the Avatar.”  _ The Avatar doesn’t count. Wait… a miao _ . I changed the conversation, being caught up on his comment. “He cut the ships in half? Doesn’t the average Fire Navy cruiser have a few hundred men on it?” Zhu took a few  _ miao  _ to think about it. “I think so, Your Majesty.” 

He didn't realize why I began laughing. But I knew why I was laughing. When he mustered the courage to say “Forgive me, Your Majesty, for not knowing the joke” I stopped laughing to explain “You reminded me that the Air Avatar is a hypocrite. That is all.” Zhu didn’t laugh at this as much as I thought he might, but that’s fine. “I’ve never had the pleasure to meet him, Your Majesty” is as good an excuse as any. “When you do, my  _ yunjiwei _ …” but I trailed off because the Avatar’s… special. “I can’t put the incumbent Avatar into words. He and the Fire Lord, they’re… not the best at being rulers.” This sparked Zhu’s logical question of “And how would Your Majesty change them, ruler to ruler?” Conveniently, we were just approaching a side road that led into the city. “Give them a few more drinks, perhaps, to start with. Also, bring ‘em to a tavern and make them interact with commoners who aren’t as  _ noble  _ as the holy Avatar.” I pointed at the road. “Speaking of, we’re nearing the place.”

The One-Hahnded was quite lively for an Upper Ring establishment at night. Not that the Upper Ring is desolate at night,  _ quite the contrary, many nobles are awake, they’re just not the types to frequent taverns. Or… these kinds of taverns. I’m sure the brothels are facing a lot of activity. I’m sorry did I say brothels, I meant house parties. And sure, many nobles are awake, they’ve got to enjoy all the ‘guests’ at their house parties. Or get to work on an heir to their family. Or a son or daughter to sell off to a different family.  _

Men, and some women, some dressed like soldiers, some dressed in off-duty clothes, were clustered into pairs or triples or small groups outside of the wide-open doorway. Someone who looked like she could work there,  _ her clothes were fancier than everyone else’s _ , stood by some posts, posts currently used by ostrich horses. With just the three of us,  _ yes Nan, you count too _ , we didn’t strike up anyone’s attention. There’s more than one auburn haired person in the Empire, and for all these people knew I had an eye injury. It was as we arrived and rode around the small groups of young men and women that it finally  _ clicked  _ in Zhu’s eyes. 

“That’s why we’re dressed like-” I cut him off, loud enough for him to hear it, but hopefully not too loud, “how we always dress.” We rode right up to the woman. “Good evening boys” she said it with a hint of flirtatiousness. “Evening” and “Evening” from the two of us. We dismounted and I pulled a gold piece out of my purse. “A gold piece,” I explained, and she smirked. “Well  _ someone’s  _ fancy” Again, she said it with a bit of ‘interest’. “I come for the drinks, I stay for the-” I tried to give a hand-gesture to Zhu so he’d fill the rest in. “-drinks?”  _ Eh... close enough _ .  _ You tried _ . We handed her our mounts and walked inside. 

Inside was even more lively than outside. Packed tables and the sounds of cheering were the first two things I noted. The third was that, like the last time we’d been here, most,  _ not all _ , of the people sitting around were dressed in the clothes of the Imperial Army or the Home Guard or servant dress. These were people who were working across the hundreds of  _ siheyuans _ . Amidst the commotion, nobody noticed that a tall auburn haired man had entered and walked across the entire establishment. A different waitress spotted us as we neared the tavern counter -all the stools were full, we’d have to wait in line- and approached us.

“How can we help you two fine young men?” Zhu looked at me, if his voice could speak it’d say ‘what does this have to do with what we were going to do’ because, after all, I hadn’t clued him in to anything.  _ I have no intention of doing so, either _ . “I’d like a table.” I know, I know, a simple request. “I…” she had to pause to ask another passing waitress if they had any tables. “We can get you a table outside.” she told us.  _ No, no, that… would that do? I need to think about it _ . I thought about it. “Sure” I said, loudly and clearly. “Very good.” and she led us back out. We had to take some time, a crowd had formed to listen to a man’s drunk table-dancing and everyone else’s contributing singing.  _ Oh, their singing was far from good, but… at least it covered our arrival and departure. _

“Why are we here?” Zhu asked me. “I know people. People I’d like to meet.” That was my vague answer that I had hoped would satiate his interest. “Who?”he bugged me. I gave a one word vague reply. “Army.” So he bugged me again. “Why?” I sighed.  _ I’m not certain of this… but I can try _ . “They might have inside knowledge on what happened in Fancun.” “How?” he quieted himself down. “The Army doesn’t have to ascend a thousand steps to go home, do they?” Thankfully, he understood my random on-the-spot metaphor. “No...they don’t. They have barracks.” I nodded. “Precisely. And we do.” He drew the conclusion I was hoping he’d draw. “ _ Speaking straight to the people _ ”  _ There’s a reason you’re a yunjiwei _ . “It works for rebel leaders, why not us?” My one-liner made him laugh, but it was meant with all seriousness. A rebel sage or ‘Scholar’ or whatever they called themselves were able to rally people against the Badgermole Throne, why can’t I do the same?

“Here you go” the woman pulled both chairs out of the table. Zhu and I took our seats. While I sat down, the waitress gave me a wink. “What can I get you two?” she asked with the same tone the other waitress,  _ or… was she a waitress? Was she something else? I’ll call her a waitress even if she wasn’t one _ , had. “We’d like to...” I didn’t keep going since I didn’t know what I wanted.  _ I’ll let you do this, Zhu _ . “Drink,” he said.  _ There you go. _ I nodded. “We’d like to drink.  _ Drink _ .” She smirked. “We’ve got a variety of alcohols. You two can handle the hard stuff, or am I  _ wrong _ ?” She didn’t need to say ‘wrong’ like a whimpering animal feeling sorry for itself. 

I’m glad all I had to look at was Zhu’s reaction.  _ A wince _ . “Yes, Zhu, you want to go first?” “Sure…” he cautiously let on. “One hard Nanshi, no sugar, with water.” Having almost no idea what I’m doing, I asked “You have Clear Whiskey?” The woman nodded. “Two styles. ‘Karokou’ and ‘Kyoshi.’”  _ What in the name of Kyoshi is a ‘Karokou’? Like the island?  _ “Yes. A Kyoshi.”  _ I don’t care to experiment.  _ I watched her nod. Then smile coyly. “If there’s  _ anything  _ else you two need, I’m looking for-” I cut her off. “Two drinks now. Talking later.” and offered her a smile of my own.

With the woman gone, I could resume my formal voice. Zhu could return to a position of normal conversation, too. “What’s her deal?” he asked me. “She’s a waitress.” I replied, being a genius of perception. “No, no, I meant, what’s her _deal_?” he stressed the ‘deal’. _Ah_. “The flirting? Sun-kissed hair is in style in Ba Sing Se. Everyone wants someone like the Emperor.” and I laughed at my own statement. Then I realized my statement was _a bit_ off. “No, no, they want someone like Hayashi, the star of Pu-On Tim’s many, many works.” But… Zhu wasn’t laughing. “I wasn’t talking about if she wanted to… habit a different bed tonight,” he implied. “What _were_ you saying, then?” 

“I recognize her.” That caught me by surprise. “You know her?” It was… really peculiar.  _ She could blow our cover.  _ Zhu cut my thoughts off. “Sure. Old friend.”  _ Old friend? What?  _ “What do you mean old friend?” His tone changed completely. “Were you around before the Second Siege?”  _ I…  _ “Yeah, of course I was.”  _ Even if it was for a few weeks at most _ . So he put his hands together and gathered his statement. “There used to be these… people. They’d be your guides to the city. And they’d do whatever you wanted.  _ Anything  _ you want. They were very good servants.” I jumped straight to the conclusion “Like assisting with putting on court robes?” because in my mind, servants help one into their fancy clothes.  _ Thanks, experience _ . He sighed. 

“Think brothels.” _Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh._ “Oh.” “Yeah. ‘Oh.’” and he nodded like someone who knew what he was talking about. “So what’s the problem with that? A lot of men, women too, frequent such places of operation for those very reasons. We-” _no, no, not ‘we’, I’m supposed to be nobody_ , “-I doubt the Throne would ever ban them, they’re too many and they’re totally harmless in the grand scheme of things.” He coughed. “It’s not about that, it’s… about before these days. Before that” and he pointed at the scabbard hanging from my side. _Before the weapons? No, no, you’re an idiot. He means_ “Before the permission to carry?” “Before _all_ that. Before the Empress’s edicts. This place used to be run...” he trailed off like someone who didn’t want to say the wrong thing. _Oh. Right, right, of course. Before Toph, this place was run by the… Dai Li._

_ And…  _ “Didn’t they used to employ women to-” He cut me off with a “Yes.”  _ Wait a miao _ . “We-”  _ wrong again,  _ “-the Throne banned their use. They don’t exist anymore. Or… do they?” He scratched his chin hairs.  _ I need to ask Commander Xuan.  _ “They might not, but it doesn’t mean she’s not working for someone.”  _ I’m so… so… what?  _ “She’s working for the tavern owner.” “She’s working for him, but she might also be  _ working  _ for someone else. She has the looks and all.” So, instead of saying something dumb, I conceded to him. “Guesses?” “Rebels” he said it with a bit of hatred in his tongue.  _ Rebels. Interesting that you mention that, Zhu.  _ “Any other guesses?” I asked, since…  _ well… the first one… might be wrong _ . “Not really.” He tapped his chin. “Rebels seems about right.” 

The woman returned bearing two large glasses with drinks in both. I already had a gold piece ready in my palm.  _ There’s hundreds of thousands of you available to me, what’s one given away?  _ “Here you two go” she made sure to take her sweet time leaning over to place the glasses. Leaning over in such a way that, had I not been watching the glasses, I might’ve seen that which I shouldn’t have seen. She was… wearing quite loose clothing.  _ Thanks, no thanks _ . She stood back up and wiped her hand down… on her waist.

“Now, about ‘the talk’ later?” She tried her best to look ‘persuasive’, licking her lips. Sadly, I’m just a tree. “We’re not interested.” Zhu spoke for me. “Oh, you might not be, but  _ you _ ” she directed it at me. “I’ve got a wedding coming up soon, wouldn’t it be  _ terrible  _ if I was deflowered-” I cut her off and smiled. “It’s appreciated, my lady, but I’m not into your type.” Zhu suddenly snickered. She made a sad wolf-dog whine. The actual wolf-dog sat up from his sleep and looked up at her.  _ Hello Nan, you’re not missing much _ .

“If you’d like a strong man for your… interests, I’ve got-” I interrupted her, this time much quicker. “No. I meant I’m not into anything.” Then, I tried my best to explain myself. “I’m a… I prefer martial skills to anything else.” She tucked her hands into her sleeves. “ _ Any stories? _ You must’ve earned that scar somewhere” and she gestured to the one on the back of my sword-hand. “Oh, that’s from a hunting accident. Impaled my hand on a spear. In one and out the other, right?” and I started laughing towards the end of that statement. Faked laughing. How is it faked? One, I don’t laugh nearly as much. Two, I don’t laugh nearly as long. But someone who doesn’t know me might not know that.  _ Unless they’re perceptive _ . 

Speaking of, she changed the topic. “What’s your trade?” she wasn’t as… ‘interested’ as earlier, but she was still quite inquisitive. “You look  _ just  _ like the star of Pu-On Tim’s plays.” she offered, probably hoping I was. Zhu cut in with “How old are you?” in a total conversation-changer. “Twenty second birthday’s coming up soon. And you two?”  _ I see what you did Zhu, even with my one-eye _ . “We’re old enough to be here and young enough to  _ be here _ .”  _ I’m into my eighteenth, Zhu’s… nineteen? Twenty? _ . Zhu raised his glass. “That’s right.” Once again, the woman tried her best to ‘impress’ us. “If you want to… experiment, ask for Jiuchang” and she offered us another wink before walking back down the sidewalk, past the small groups gathered outside talking, and inside. 

“She’s  _ really  _ into you” Zhu pointed out while cautiously looking at his glass. “I can tell,” I replied, half-serious. “No, I mean, she really  _ wants  _ you.” “Because I look- because I’m Hayashi,” I would’ve snickered at my own joke, but he had cut me off instead. “She wants  _ you  _ inside her” and he tapped the table a few times. “So do most of my…”  _ I can’t say that _ , “...so do most of the young women I know. You don’t see me…” and I rolled my hands over. “That,  _ or _ ” and he tapped the table again. The tapping made Nan stand on his hind legs and put his paws on the stone table. I grabbed one paw and shook it. He put the other on my hand, somehow clawed and yet also painlessly soft. Then he licked my cheek. 

“Or…” he began, slowly, “...she’s interested in your backstory.” I would roll my good eye if I wasn’t busy scratching Nan’s soft fur. “She said as much.” “She sees Middle Ringer, she sees knowledge. It hurts that you act like someone important. Knowledge is valuable.  _ You’re  _ valuable.”  _ Ha.  _ “I should be more meek” I joked. I gave Nan a light nudge and he hopped back off.  _ My leg’s too comfortable to hug. I know, Nan. I know _ . “Between that and the looks…” I raised my glass and clinked his one while interrupting him. “Why, it’s a good thing my beloved isn’t into looks, eh?” Then I sipped the drink. Note, sipped. I had no intention of making myself inebriated.

The tavern itself was waxing and waning in numbers throughout our time spent watching, sipping, and watching some more. A near continuous stream of people were approaching it from both directions of the road. I don’t know where the people exiting were going, as I only saw a few for every throng that’d enter. But I’d see them walking back down through other alleys or stumbling down sidewalks, some clearly having had too much to drink. 

The otherwise quaint nighttime silence that permeates most corners of the Upper Ring wasn't here. The tavern was just as abuzz with noise as it was with  _ life _ . I couldn’t make out the lyrics, but different songs with different tunes were being sung throughout the night. A tune like ‘Summer in the City’, a tune like ‘Noble Girl’, a tune like ‘The Girl Back Home’, a marching song of the Imperial Army, 'Green Leaves', a song of the yesteryear, and yet others. 

All the structures located along this little sideroad, mostly offices and residential houses, were dim with inactivity… save one. The one some four buildings down and across the street. I spotted a young couple entering it earlier, and judging by the single light on inside, they were probably having a nice dinner. 

The soldiers arriving were far from professional. It’s like they’d walk down the street marching, and as soon as the tavern came into visual range they’d break ‘formation’ and jog or walk over to it. They'd walk over as friends, laughing and joking around about what they'd do tonight, drink, and  _ who _ they'd do tonight, women. A hundred different conversations were overlapping inside the tavern. Most were banter between friends, some was gossip, others discussed past wars, and others were discussing future ones. Some discussed girlfriends, wives, sons and daughters. Some were joking around. Some were daring others on to "One more", presumably of a drink.

At one point, a very loud cheer erupted, “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty! Ten Thousand Years to the Empire!”. All things aside, I was glad to hear such a loud booming cheer. Zhu and I joined in with the chant, "Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!" before  _ clink _ ing our glasses together and taking a sip, each. A sip, because “This drinks are awful," according to Zhu and "We need to stay awake” from me. 

It was just after a truck driven by a conical hat had passed by that Zhu finally asked “And what are we waiting here for?” I couldn't lie to him, so I didn't. “The Army. A few people I… know. Let’s call them that. Locals.” The crowd gathering at the tavern paid that truck no heed, but you can bet a thousand gold I did. You can bet a thousand thousand gold that I paid even more attention to the back-to-back trucks that followed soon after. They made a right off a more 'major' sideroad and slowly came down the road. Back-to-back, middle of the night, means only one thing. Zhu spoke first. “It’s the shadow brigade.” "Took the words straight from my mouth." 

I told him the obvious. “Don’t. Look.” Folktales might say to duck under a table or something stupid like that. In reality, I looked at Zhu and started mouthing fake words. He did the same. In doing this, we made it look like we didn't notice the Dai Li. The drivers -and coaches, since they had passengers- didn’t notice us any more than they’d notice the loud noise from the tavern. In fact, they’d notice the tavern first, because it was an obvious hotspot of soldiers to gather at.  _ Us? We’re just two young men out on the town, a Middle Ringer and his brother or best servant _ .

“Why don’t you want them to spot us… wait.” He cut himself off and drew his own conclusion. “Cover. Right?”  _ No, not really.  _ “Kind of," I replied, which was the truth…  _ kind of.  _ That was enough for him.  _ No, the truth is I’m off to speak to a secret group of Imperial Army soldiers _ .  _ The truth is I’m staying here and using this position as a place to watch people coming and going and if I see anyone I recognize from the Green Headbands, I’ll strike up a conversation with them. From there, perhaps I’ll gain entry. _

It was only within the last few  _ miao  _ that, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a lone man walking down the street across from us. I know, I know,  _ what’s so special about him?  _ He had a piece of straw between his teeth and his hair was… strangely pointed.  _ That’s the wrong word _ . It was undone and formed a ragged set of points over his forehead. Most soldiers, the men and women, had their hair done into topknots or ostrich horse tails, even off-duty. He didn’t. The rest of his armor appeared quite scraped together. To compliment his odd look, he wore two large hook swords in a semi-scabbard over his back. 

And just as my good eye found him, his eyes glanced in my direction.  _ Not my direction, it's no coincidence, he's looking at me _ . He walked with the kind of arrogant confident swagger that the ‘bravest’ soldiers have. And by brave, I mean reckless. _ I would know from personal experience _ .  _ The Empire has lots of Fong-like men. As did Shirahama. Also as in, I would know, being one of them. Unless, of course, my charge at Ba Sing Se was somehow not reckless.  _

“Pardon there, I’m looking for someone.” Sure, he meant that for me, but his eyes were on Nan. Nan, in turn, was standing at attention and watching him. Not growling, just… watching. Ears turned towards him too. Zhu, hearing the voice, turned around. “We’re nobodies,” the  _ yunjiwei  _ explained, quite calm in his demeanor. “That’s a good thing. Mind if you two nobodies help me find a  _ somebody _ ?” I looked at Zhu, then back at this man.  _ There’s something about his voice. And his blades _ . I kept the conversation here, not  _ there _ , at the tavern. “Nobodies can’t do much more than be nobody,” I proposed. He pulled the straw out of his mouth. “I’d say that’s wrong. Anyone can be a nobody and all it takes is something to be a somebody.”  _ That voice. That arrogance. Why do I know it? _

Sarcastically, I asked “Where are you heading, you somebody?” He gave me this… charismatic smile. “The One-Hahnded. I’ve heard it’s the best place to meet the best people.” I can't explain it, but he's got one of the most… Seductionbender… voices. Anyways, Zhu chuckled. “There’s a lot of interesting people inside there, sure. Drunk interesting people.” Zhu’s wisdom reminded me of his adopted father. 

“And you two aren’t? I’m looking for someone who isn’t drunk.” The _yunjiwei_ asked “a date?” and I asked “a friend?” The two can be the same, or they can be quite different. He laughed. "Not today, no. Last girl, Sun, she was enough for me." _So I was right. That, or he's just boastful. Or both_. "Today, I'm looking for an officer in the Imperial Army. A real somebody.” _You… you sound like a total moron. I know you don’t know that, name I almost have that’s on the tip of my tongue,_ _but you do sound like one._

“You’re in Ba Sing Se. Everybody is somebody,” I declared. Not the most truthful of statements,  _ see, the Lower Ring _ , but the Upper Ring… especially places like this… they're full of  _ some _ bodies. My comment sparked Zhu’s inquiring question of “Where are you from? You sound like a rural kid at heart.” This young man rested a hand on his pommel. Nan growled. He pulled his hands off, demonstrating a hint of fear. A hint. 

“I don’t remember where I’m from.” “The war?” the two of us asked him at the same time. “The war." He put his palm and clenched fist together. “Got back at the Ashmakers for it all.”  _ You… you… wait.  _ "You served?" "Joined up with the Army, yeah" and he chewed on his wheat stalk. I felt a shiver of curiosity cross me. “ _ Where _ did you serve?” He stuck his hand into his scraped together armor and pulled out a document. “If you need my service paper, it’s right here. I got to see Caldera. Where were  _ you _ ?” Then he handed me a paper. 

The paper had the handwriting of one bordering-on-collapse man. The strokes weren’t that good. But the real  _ seal _ er was the seal. “By order of His Imperial Majesty, the Imperial Consort, the One-Eyed Badgermole” and a bunch of other titles but  _ not  _ ‘Earth Emperor’ or... _ you know, I don’t remember all the new ones.  _ I won’t lie, I was much worse at writing like a year and a half ago. Who would’ve guessed writing letters in reply, dozens, per day, would improve my handwriting skills.  _ It just shows, years of practice pay off.  _

“You’re Lieutenant Jet.” I said it like the faded memory it was, a memory rushing back to me. “How do you know that? My name’s not on here.” He looked at the paper to confirm that it wasn’t.  _ It's not. I know it’s not. I know your name because I know you from… back then. Not so long ago.  _ I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down, “ _ Next time you want to meet, please don’t do it while I’m trying to sleep. _ Thanks.”

Suddenly the pieces fell together. “Your…” I put a finger in front of him. “Say it, speak, and I’ll have your throat surgically removed by Nan. And Nan’s hungry.” He didn’t speak.  _ Good Lieutenant _ . “Speak” I shoved him backwards. “I’m Hayashi, that is how I say hello.” “Hay...Hayashi. Yes. I’m looking for…” he looked extremely bewildered. As if he was trying to cycle between how to talk and how to act. “Right Zhu?” Zhu nodded. “I’m looking for a person.”  _ Well you’re talking to one _ .  _ So… you're already on the way there.  _ “Any specifics?” I asked, acting as bored as I was. He shook his head. “Only a name.”  _ Right, we’ll get to that _ . “Sit down.” He sat down… for like three  _ miao  _ until Nan howled and sent him recoiling backwards over his chair. Good on him, he knows how to roll. Bad on him, he’s trying to encroach on Nan’s spot.  _ Nobody encroaches on Nan's spot.  _

Once Jet found a less-habited spot and Nan received ten hair pets for being the best of boys, the three of us could take to figuring something out. Jet ordered a drink, turns out he’s a water fan, double turns out, he was stupid enough to take interest in Jinchang. Interesting interest. Good on us for getting him off that idiotic tangent with “She’s not your type.” And by us, I mean me. Since whatever I said, this man did. He wasn’t about to say ‘Your Majesty’ to every other command, but he sure acted like it. 

Anyways, while he did all this and my good eye wasn’t distracted by his young adult nonsense, I watched five, then six, different individuals knock on the door to some darkened house down the road from us. Now, there was a woman with them, so perhaps it was a party. But… they’d enter, the house stayed dark. Parties tend not to be held in pitch darkness. A few  _ miao _ later, another would approach and enter. To get there, they’d walk down the road, same as any others, but they’d make a right turn instead of going straight. I kept all this in the foreground of my mind. 

In the fore-est of foreground was my curiosity on catching up with this Lieutenant. “How’s your life been since Caldera? I’m glad to see you survived that dormant volcano.” Zhu picked up on that this man and I had a  _ bit  _ of history, and stayed back -watching us, the surroundings, soldiers and servants walking to and from the tavern- while we talked. “Survived?” He absolutely exuded self-esteem in his monologue. “I  _ thrived _ ! My Fighters and I… we  _ blew  _ those towers, then we hitched a ride with some ostrich horse riders and laid absolute  _ waste _ to the countryside! A hundred years of bloodshed avenged in two weeks!”  _ I can understand that desire for revenge.  _

“When did you stop?” “News reached us while we were up on… I don’t remember the name of the village, but we had just decapitated it’s mayor, he was a real squirmer. We were up there… on the northern coast when a single woman showed up with a letter signed by the new Fire Lord that the war had been won and that we were to stand down.”  _ I don’t know why you sound like you had the most amazing time. Traveling through enemy territory, regardless of your size, is still enemy territory. Though you’re a small force, so surely you can find food. Even then, it's a war on the enemy's terrain. Find _ . “Then what?” “So my Fighters and I held a little celebration down on the coast. We toasted to the reign of the awe inspiring Empress and I decided that since the Hundred Year War was over, our purpose had been completed. The Freedom Fighters had done their job. We-” he put a hand on his scabbard, “-put the Fire Nation to the blade. And we avenged our dead brothers, sisters and ancestors!” His pride almost made me cheer along with the events from more than a year in the past. 

“And then? You walked here?” That was only partially a joke. Ba Sing Se is a long way from the western coast of the Empire.  _ I haven’t had to walk the distance, but I’m sure it’d take months to cross what with all the mountains. _ “Nah. The Fighters and I sailed to the western coast, with pockets and bags of gold. We split it equally and everyone went their separate ways. We’re still in touch with messenger hawks to the cities since we all live in ‘em. Anyways, where was I?” I know it probably wasn’t intended, but he sounds quite vain for a supposed Lieutenant.  _ Though maybe that’s the norm _ .  _ No, no, he’s just a boastful arrogant smug seductionbender _ .

“Going...somewhere. Where?” I asked it with actual curiosity. “I joined up with the Imperial Army as a mercenary. I did some good work. A few Ashmakers had to be reminded that the war was over. I reminded them with my blades. I was headed towards Ba Sing Se anyways, you know, never been, always wanted to be, when I heard about the rebellion. Joined up with the Imperial Army and fought in northern Fancun alongside some group of Naval Infantry fancy-pantses. The commander of those fancy men ‘saw potential’ because I single-handedly destroyed the supplies of some rebel force. Since I fought really well alongside his men, he recommended I find his friend up here. So I’m looking for his friend.”  _ Friend. Potential. Interesting. So I’m not the only one who saw something in you. _

I asked something else instead. “You were a Lieutenant. What changed?” “I was, and he was my boss. I listened to him” then he opened his arms up. “And here I am.” Zhu returned to the conversation. “So you traveled all this way to find… some… man?” Jet turned to him. “A somebody. Someone who sees potential in me.” “I’m not an expert in finding people-” I gave a finger point to my eyepatch, “-but did he give you any directions? Ba Sing Se’s  _ huge _ .” “As I said, this tavern. Said I’d meet him near the tavern on a specific day. That day’s today and I’m here.” “This is quite coincidental” I mused under some breath-taking.  _ Or, is it? Do I have anything to do with this man? No? It’s happenstance. Had I not met him, nothing would’ve changed. I’m not going to go help him now, I barely know him _ .

Now was the time my good eye noticed the house down the road once again. Just counting, this marked number fourteen of ‘people to have walked in and probably not walked out.’ Sure, Jet’s monologue was long. And passionate. And he could really do with a shower. But fourteen people entering a house is… a strange event. And, unlike the other two people here, I know that the area  _ around  _ this tavern has a certain… special quality to it.  _ A certain… gathering quality.  _ “Men, come with me. I’m going somewhere that’s either nothing or something.” Before either one could debate me, I stood up and began walking away. 

Nan ran to my side, Zhu looked at me, Jet looked at me then at Zhu, then both took to following. I walked down the darkened path, street lanterns being my only guidance, and over to what I thought, from eye-guessing, was the right house.  _ Fifth house, right?  _ I walked up to the front door. Peeping in through either window -one perk of being tall is being able to do that- showed that nobody was home. Not that I was hoping someone would be home, then I’d be breaking Kyoshi’s Ethics. Though…  _ does Kyoshi’s Ethics count for these situations? I don’t think she and her earthbending powers ever cared much. Also privacy, what privacy, she’s Kyoshi. She’ll go wherever she pleases. Oh yeah, and this is Ba Sing Se. And I’m the Emperor. I can go where I please _ . I gave the door a soft  _ knock _ . 

The first time the door spoke back, there was a loud cheer from down the street. From over here, the tavern might as well have been a second Sun. Or a nighttime Sun. A smaller version, but far brighter than its surrounding. I knocked on the door again, and this time heard a “What’re you doing here?” from whoever was inside. I backed up  _ just a little  _ in case the door suddenly toppled over. “I’m here to…”  _ try it. Just try it _ . “...meet someone.” “Oh?” the raspy voice replied. “Yes,” I said, solemn and serious. 

“I don’t let people in unless they ‘got’ permission. You got permission, boy?”  _ It’s all or nothing.  _ “I have permission.” My confidence wasn’t the only thing surprising my companions. “You  _ do _ ?” Jet asked. Zhu mumbled a “How?”.  _ You’re right. How did I?  _ “What’s your permission?” this raspy voice continued. I coughed to catch my breath and remember the right words.  _ The Fiery Sky… is Dead. The Jade Empire… is not dead? No. No. The Jade Empire will arise! No, that’s wrong. The Jade Empire will Rise!  _ “The Fiery Sky is Dead! The Jade Empire will Rise!” 

A latching sound was made and the wooden door was opened. The wooden door slowly creaked open.“Welcome, brothers,” the darkness said to us. Nan ran forward and started rubbing his snout against a doorway with light pouring out through the gap beneath it. A man with a totally different voice stepped out and pointed at the door with light behind it. “Right this way, brothers.” We walked to the door, opened it, and revealed a staircase going  _ down _ . Zhu looked at me, a shocked expression crossed his face. Jet? “How did you know the words? Those were my words!” I gave him a smug look. When he didn’t get it, I said it. “Because I know them too.”  _ Today’s getting quite good.  _

We entered a large tunnel. I hadn’t been here in months, but the mental image might as well have been ingrained inside my head. There have been a few changes since then. The large map on one side stayed present. Earth tents built out of the ground became earth bunk beds built into the wall. Curtains, stolen and discolored and faded gave these beds whatever privacy they could be afforded. There looked to be no mattresses and pillows, again a mess of different styles and thicknesses, were a commodity reserved for a more ‘elite’ section of the tunnel. It was a section with walls erected and filled with, presumably, personal ‘tents’ for whoever’s important enough to deserve this. Tables, roughly made out of the same damp substance we tread on, were complimented by stone stools pretending to be chairs. 

I acted like all of this was the Imperial Guard’s handiwork. It wasn’t. If the earthbenders working on this  _ could  _ save the energy on working on these projects, they did. The stone tables weren’t tables, they were blocks. The earth bunk beds were made of slabs with nothing preventing someone from rolling off. Weapon racks were nothing more than a fence made of stone with scabbards hung over it and polearms resting against it. Entire pieces of the tunnel were carved out in preparation for future projects. Except they weren’t carved out correctly, as a few failed expansions showed. The rubble had only been removed from the tunnel proper. 

  
  


The only redeeming quality to these tunnels is that the ceiling is formed by crystals. Or rather, I should say, the only point where the earthbenders -and designers of this hideout- got it  _ right  _ was planting crystals in the roof. These were crystals from a bygone era, a time between this tunnel’s first intended use and it’s abandonment. These were crystals from the Crystal Catacombs, the near infinite supply of crystals located in the chasms below the Imperial Palace.  _ One trait does not redeem something of poor quality. The two should be judged equally.  _ And in judgement, the tunnel was  _ disorganized _ . In a few words, as Jet said, “It’s a massive-” disorganized “-hideout”

“Welcome brothers” a voice announced after some guards informed him that we had arrived. The voice had been pointing at somewhere on the map. The voice turned around. After giving my two companions a look, he got to me and suddenly went wide-eyed. “Your… Majesty!?!” he ask-yelled, shocked. The small mob of people dressed in a variety of clothes from soldier’s uniforms to servant’s dresses that were gathering around tables for discussions turned towards the three of us.  _ Right, right, of course. I was the Emperor here. Not here, but later on _ . 

“Yes.” was all I said. “Does… does Your Majesty remember me?” the voice asked, sounding more like a man praying for good fortune.  _ No?  _ “No, I don’t,” I replied, honestly, since I’ve  _ seen a lot in the past seasons. I’ve been busy _ . “I’m Jiang…” he drew his blade, placed it on his feet, and fell into a kowtow. “Jiang, Your Imperial Majesty’s humble servant!” and he tapped his head against the damp ground. And he  _ meant  _ it. The table goers let out an uproar of different statements. From “The Emperor doesn’t belong here!” to “His Imperial Majesty! Long live!” to “Ten Thousand Years to Your Majesty!” The ones that dismissed me were quickly drowned out by, what else, mob rule. 

Mob rule dictated “Ten Thousand Years to Your Majesty!” and “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!” and “Blessings on Her Imperial Majesty’s health!” and all that. I hand-gestured for this man to rise. Mob rule followed me. Mob rule meant the room went silent as this man rose from his act of fealty. “Your Majesty’s presence is always welcome,” he said, bordering on teary.  _ Teary. He’s getting emotional over meeting me _ . I turned to Jet because I noticed that Ji was looking at Jet. In Jet’s hands, a small green cloth headband. 

“Are you the boy Ding sent me?” the officer asked of his peer officer. “I am,” Jet said in a far less… arrogant tone… and a far more humble one. “Good” Ji gave Jet a pat on the shoulder. “Kneel, Jet.” The man almost my height pulled the straw out of his mouth, took his blades off his back, placed them on the floor, and knelt. “You’re officially in the First Division now! I hope you’re a better expert in your trade than the last one was in his.” He gestured for Jet to stand. “I am. I blew the watchtowers of the Great Gates. I think I can handle a few posts.” Ji chuckled. “Good.  _ Good _ .”  _ A few posts? What posts? What are you going to blow up?  _

But… I couldn’t think for long, for Ji shouted “Men! Show the Lieutenant to some fancy quarters!” A pair of guards walked up to us and led Jet on. As he walked down the center of the tunnel, Ji shouted “Get some sleep! You’re joining us in training come dawn!” “Yes, sir!” the hook-sword wielding man replied with a  _ passion _ . “Ji, aren’t you below his rank? How do you command around a Lieutenant?” “I’m a Colonel, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s a good reason. Now, on to more important matters _ . I gave Zhu a look, Zhu’s lips were sealed. 

“Ji, have you heard of a group called the ‘Paragons of the Way of Lasting Peace’?” He looked at the map, then back at me. “Sure. They’re a bunch of fanatics.”  _ Well I knew that already.  _ He looked at Zhu. “Who’s this man?” Zhu tried not to look really nervous. It’s hard to not look nervous when thrust into something totally unexpected. “He’s my sworn weapon-bearer. His silence is guaranteed. He’s a  _ yunjiwei _ .” Ji gave the man a kowtow. Not a full kowtow like for Toph or I, but a partial kowtow where he gets on his knees and raises his hands to bow. “A proper  _ yunjiwei _ . It’s an honor.” The other men and women, there  _ were  _ women I wasn’t losing my mind, rose from their chairs and got into the same partial kowtow and collectively declared “It’s an honor!” If Zhu’s face could speak, it’d say ‘They respect me?’ and also ‘ _ They  _ respect me.’ I mouthed to him ‘They do’ and he needed to take a few long breaths.  _ He was amazed by this. Whatever he’d heard of these people… wasn’t this, I’d bet. Not that I ever asked him _ .

I corrected this discussion. “How do you know the ‘Paragons?’” He tapped the ground and a guard walked up and pulled a set of stone stools out. The three of us sat down and Nan rested on my foot. “The ‘Paragons’ were the name for the more… fanatical… elements… of our… organization.” He slowly enunciated the ‘elements’ and ‘organization’.  _ So you do know them. So you...so the Fancun Rebellion… so…  _ it’s a good thing Zhu had no idea what we were referring to. Very good. And, before I go further, may I give Ji total credit for being honest instead of playing some long game with me like many others would. 

_ Time for an obvious question _ . “Do you know who started the Fancun Rebellion?” “A bunch of Air Acolytes, ex- _ daofei  _ types that had ‘turned a new leaf’, who then went and stole some Sergeant’s sister and did absolutely unspeakable things to her in revenge for him not paying their extortion money for her shop. Then they handed him what was left of her and a note letting him know what they had done.”  _ I… what in Kyoshi? What in the name of the holy Kyoshi?  _ I had to… pause. And catch my breath.  _ Someone’s sister? Someone’s… the remains… the… that was someone’s sister…  _ I had to catch my breath. The hyperventilating was a side effect. It felt too… true to be true, even though I  _ knew  _ it was. He wasn’t lying. He had the tone of honesty. The tone of emotional stress that’s hard if not impossible to fraud. Zhu also had to take a few breaths, but as he’s more noble than I, he showed much more restraint. Besides, he was still suffering the aftereffects of all this approval. 

“The Air Acolytes? The holy Air Acolytes?”  _ Why is this so hard to say? You saw them yourself _ . Still, it was hard for me to say that. “The holy Air Acolytes are no more than tiger-wolves dressed like pig-sheep.”  _ By Kyoshi. I… Of course they are. It’s… I saw them myself, afterall _ . “What else? Was this it? What else did they do? Was this it?” I repeated myself from the stress of learning this…  _ this new information _ . 

“They’d been preaching anti-Badgermole Throne gibberish for weeks. They held these protests that attracted hundreds in the Lower Ring, blaming everything on Her Imperial Majesty and calling for abdication. Then they attracted  _ daofei  _ types. If a business agreed to give free stuff to the Acolytes, it’d stay open. If it asked them for money for looting their stuff, they’d shout for their friends to show up and mobs of these types looted Lower Ring businesses across the west, south and southwest.” 

_ But… but…  _ “But this is Ba Sing Se. Can’t they report that to the Dai Li?”  _ The question feels hypocritical. I already know the Lower Ring isn’t as tightly controlled. It’s impossible to fully control a city the size of the Northern Water Tribe. It’s easier to manage the Agrarian Zone.  _ “Your Majesty, the corrupt officials don’t care about the Lower Ring. So we…  _ they _ … took it into their own hands.”  _ And put land to the torch for it? Seems a bit… extreme.  _ “So… the Paragons started the rebellion because the Acolytes are… undermining Her Imperial Majesty?” He took his fist and combined it with his palm. “And they were getting away with… no… getting away with worse than murder. At least murder is quick.” The entire crowd seemed distraught with a kind of depression. They didn’t speak, but they  _ looked  _ like mourners. As if these events were affecting their own family.  _ I guess that’s how the Imperial Army sees it. They’re all like family. A brotherhood. And the servant girls are like their sisters. That would make some sense.  _ “Yes, Your Majesty. The rebellion started because of those two things.”

All of this information led to the following question. “Why did the ‘Paragons’ burn down Fancun then?” The Colonel shrugged. “I don’t know, Your Majesty. The Green Headbands, we do not touch Imperial soil, we only remove officials who are corrupt.”  _ You only remove officials who are corrupt. Yes. This is a keystone of your ideology _ . “That doesn’t answer my question. If the ‘Paragons’ are part of your movement, then do they not answer to a specific leader of your movement?”  _ Since… it’s already obvious that there must’ve been some level of coordination. Even the most basic level, telling them to attack at a signal, and the meteor just happened to fall before… I don’t know, the New Year’s festivals turned the city into an ocean of lanterns.  _

“They were formed  _ from  _ members of our movement, but they are an independent entity, Your Majesty. I… when the rebellion started, any of our regiments that were mustered answered the call.” Then he looked out at the crowd. “Did we not answer the call, brothers and sisters?” The crowd yelled “We did!” as one. Yet again, they had a kind of genuine fervor to them. “So then who were the Fancun Rebels composed of?” The Colonel took half a  _ fen  _ to think about it. “The ‘Paragons’ became what they hated, Your Majesty. It’s possible whoever was ‘running’ the movement was seeking to accrue a large force to.. .I don’t know, attack the Upper Ring?... but failed miserably. They attracted lots of looters and petty criminals looking to make a small fortune. None of those people could do much beyond drag the army down. Any true Green Headbands would never have joined the rebellion beyond the first stage.”  _ Hmm. Even if I have to take this with a bit of skepticism, most of this makes at least some logical sense. I’ve learned more possible information here, in one night, than in a hundred Memorials.  _

Back to the conversation, I asked  __ “What was the first stage?” He smiled. “The purging of Air Acolytes from those sections of the Lower Ring. The purging of the  _ daofei  _ who looted our homes and violated our sisters! Hundreds were given justice those days!” He turned towards the mob sitting on chairs. “Weren’t they, brothers and sisters?” The mob cheered. This made Zhu recoil in bewilderment.  _ No, self, don’t… don’t get caught up on anything else.  _

“What’s the Green Headband’s future goals?” He coughed to catch his breath. “We’re to protect the Badgermole Throne from those that want to destroy it. Both from the inside and outside. If rebels come, we will fight them. If the government officials try to overthrow it, we will fight them.”  _ Here to protect? Protect what?  _ “The Throne… or my Empress?” “Her Imperial Majesty, Your Majesty. Her Imperial Majesty is the only monarch in the past three hundred years who has shown true love for the people! Right, Green Headbands?” and the mob cheered “Ten Thousand Years!” and “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!” and a few other similar shouts.

He looked back at me and continued. “But… not all members of the Imperial Army think the same way, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh?  _ I was overcome with the urge to draw my blade and point it at him. “Who?  _ Who _ dares to?” I held myself back with only the sheer force of Kyoshi’s Ethics. “Other parts of the Imperial Army. Most of the officer corps. They favor the exiled King.”  _ The exiled… the exiled King. The exiled… King.  _ “How dare they!?!” I shouted. “Because he was gullible, Your Majesty. And the government prefers a puppet over someone who rightfully deserves it.”  _ I don’t… I don’t get it. It’s… what? Those… those treacherous men.  _

“So you think there’s… an actual threat for Her Imperial Majesty?” I choked up on the ‘Her Imperial Majesty’ part, needing to take a pause and a breather. The officer looked genuinely surprised and asked “Does Your Majesty need to lie down?” but I shook my head. I hand-waved a pair, a woman in servant dress and a bearded man in a soldier’s uniform, away from grabbing me. 

A  _ fen  _ of me collecting myself later, Ji continued. “I can gather more information on the possible return of our former… ‘majesty.’” “But Her Imperial Majesty has the Mandate of the Spirits. She’s...there’s…” I looked at the ground. And looked at the ground. He made his voice slightly softer, but it still carried the professionalism of an officer. “Your Majesty, the Mandate passes from one to another. It passed from this former King to Her Imperial Majesty. We believe a strong earthbender is a strong monarch and a strong monarch is a strong Empire,” then he boomed his voice out. “Right, everyone?” and the crowd chanted “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty!”. 

He went back to a quieter tone. “While we believe that, Your Majesty… others will  _ not  _ have the same belief. And… sadly, the same officials who ignored us… are the ones who can afford to try and corrupt the people.”  _ Why of course. Of course. The whole Mandate concept passes around. The Fifty First had it, then the Fifty Second had it, then the Fifty Third had it. And now she still has it, with a different title this time.  _

The conclusion I said was so obvious I’m surprised I never pointed it out before. “The Mandate isn’t an eternal concept. It must be… reinvigorated. Reinforced.” He nodded. “Sadly, it’s not, Your Majesty. And if the Acolytes can rally enough traitors, then all of us will suffer.” Like  _ that _ , his voice went from one of confidence while being quiet to one of pleading. “Please, Your Majesty! Stop the Acolytes before they rally traitors and rebels against us! Stop the Acolytes. Save the Badgermole Throne!” The sudden shock of  _ begging _ was enough to make me shake myself sensible and stand up. But… I thought this was it. Nope.

The crowd got up and fell into proper kowtows. As a mob, in a hundred pleading voices, they said “Please, Your Majesty! Please, Your Majesty! Stop the Acolytes. Save the Badgermole Throne!” I staggered backwards and Zhu helped me into a seat.  _ I… I need to take a breath _ . “Quiet… let me…” but before I could say anything else, Ji passed me a flask, I sniffed it, and downed the whole flask of water. The soldiers and servants rose from their kowtows and went back to their seats and sat down.  _ Nobody defied the Emperor’s command. That’s to be commended _ .

That helped me regain my senses.  _ The Acolytes. The cause of the rebellion. Corrupt officials ignoring pleas of innocents _ . “Did you say that there were Acolytes siding with officials?”  _ Or did I mishear you?  _ “That’s correct, Your Majesty. Some of these officials were in favor of the Acolytes.”  _ Some.  _ “Any…” I needed to breathe, “...names?” “I don’t know them, Your Majesty. Please… give me a few days. I’ll ask my...associates to obtain a list of names.”  _ A list of names of people associated with criminals _ .  _ A list of names of people we’re going to execute _ .

Zhu leaned in to my side and said “We should go.” The way he said it, the intensity, the shock value of it… I felt compelled to agree. “Okay.” I stood up, looked around at them and said “Green Headbands, thank you” before giving a basic bow and remarking “I have a busy night ahead of me.”  _ I do. That’s not a lie. I know someone who can help me with gathering this kind of information _ . 

During all the “Ten Thousand Year”s and kowtows, Ji led us up the stairs. Once we had reached the top door, he opened it and quietly said “Watch Your Majesty’s back. Many officials are trying to hunt our movement down for they are against us.” “Thank you… Ji. Truly.” and I bowed to him. Quietly, as we were above ground, he said “Ten Thousand Years.” Then the doorman opened the door for us and we walked right out the door.

It was the middle of the night. The tavern had gone quiet. “We should’ve left a  _ dian  _ ago” Zhu said as we walked away. “What’s the matter with them?” I wondered while kneeling to give Nan some ear scratches. “They’re rebels. They’re terrorists. They’re breaking the law and we’re going to die for it,” he said, quiet and angry. 

He was wrong. We didn’t die for it. We did get ambushed moments later, though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Emperor searches for answers... and comes across a familiar set of headband wearing people.  
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -The chapter's title, explained: The Green Headbands may not be the rebels that they're presumed to be. This chapter argues that by letting us see their perspective.
> 
> -Toph's 'back massages' is just what she did to Aang in Nightmares and Daydreams. Truly, tough love.  
> -A running theme in this chapter is that Mori may draw incorrect conclusions. I won't spoil all of them, but assuming that nobody would recognize him as the Emperor... kind of backfired, since he already revealed that he was the Emperor to them. He forgot because of the past months of Xishan and Fancun campaigning.  
> -There are also lots of little details and connections I won't explain that you're just going to have to figure out yourself.  
> -A 'Karokou' is a berry-flavored variant of Kyoshi Island Clear Whiskey.  
> -For non-Records readers, Jet helped with the Siege of Caldera by attacking and blowing up some defensive towers.  
> -Seductionbender, a term coined by Mori in regards to Sokka, now applies to any womanizer (or seductive people in general).  
> -Had Jet not come, Mori's day would've transpired the exact same, minus a few minutes spent talking to Jet.  
> -If you wonder why everything wasn't wrapped up in a neat bow tie by the end of the chapter, that's because finding the cause of something like a rebellion takes more than just one, or two, or three chapters. It's about putting the pieces together and drawing the best conclusion that one can.


	86. What the Avatar Sees (Or Doesn't See)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor verbally debates the Avatar.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Two:

It was a quiet night on an empty street. A street in the Upper Ring. The city was asleep. And the three of us were supposed to be, too. Nan’s ears went up in a flash and his snout turned towards the pitch blackness of a house. A house illuminated as poorly as the rest. Then he howled. In an instant, I went from trying to intake the wafting cool summer breeze to being on alert. In an instant, Zhu had his hand on his  _ jian  _ hilt and I on mine. Someone  _ could  _ call me paranoid, but considering what came next, I’m right to be blade-ready.

Nan started growling, the good boy that he is. What we thought might be a wild animal of some kind, “What is it, Nan?”, turned out to be a wild animal… of a different kind. I had no time to spot the javelin as it came flying out of the darkness. It was only as I felt it lodge itself in my left leg that I mustered a shrill scream of “ _ Ahh-mbush _ !”. The sensation of pain as a piece of engineering designed to cripple tore into my muscles and nerves… it shot up my leg. And that’s when the battle began.

A gang of ruffians against three people. One of whom with a javelin in his leg,  _ note, not the best circumstances, but hey they’ll have to do _ , one with a blade drawn and  _ trying  _ not to panic, and one who was tongue-wagging for some bloodshed. They came out of the darkness brandishing only the highest quality stolen  _ dao _ blades and spears. Zhu’s shout of “Get behind me!” doesn’t work as a request, or a demand, when there is no ‘behind’ to ‘get’. Oh, yeah, and Zhu, as of up until a few  _ miao  _ from then, had never seen the legendary One-Eyed Badgermole fight.  _ Well, there’s always a first for everything _ . Okay, fighting's a bit of a high compliment for myself. Scream really loudly, draw a  _ jian _ , and hobble heroically into a charge is more like the correct statement. 

Nan charged towards some poor, poor badly-trained assassin and doing unspeakable things to that man’s throat.  _ Like eat it _ .  _ Especially eating it _ . I don’t know most people, but seeing your companion suddenly get a large artery ripped out and start spewing blood like a fountain is disconcerting. Which is why his companions tried to back up and unleash the spears. Hunting wolf-dogs aren’t boar-q-pines. You can’t just spear them to death. And  _ nobody  _ spears Nan. Or… they can try. And those people did try. And he was  _ quite  _ annoyed having metal points facing him. So much so that he spun around, hopped, and tackled a man in his head. Then made the man scream unknown curses as his face was ripped to shreds. Then that man’s allies realized that it might be a better idea to kill the two stupid humans instead.

Using my tactical brilliance, or rather,  _ they’re all a bit stunned _ , I charged, because the Empire doesn’t retreat, and the Emperor doesn’t go out without a few swings of the blade. Did I feel my leg slowly spurting out its insides? Not really, adrenaline’s one powerful…  _ drink? Is it a drink? _ . Adrenaline combined with manly urges to rip apart people. Powerful combination. Not a good combination for those people, but I don’t care what they think. Oh, and least of all, I towered over them all. They’d learn, the hard way, why messing with a man a heads-height your superior is never a good idea. And by hard way, I mean the Xishan way. 

I ran,  _ absolutely genius, I know _ , forward and towards one particular man. “I don’t like your beard”. Not the best insult, but it beats crying like a little girl because my leg’s bleeding. Then my blade made a cool  _ swish  _ noise and removed his beard. And his head. And his neck, which became a waterfall of inside bits. His allies were  _ extremely  _ confused as to how or why their companion’s head suddenly vanished. They didn’t have to mourn him for long, they were next. It’s guess it was about five of them,  _ everything began getting fuzzy, don’t blame me, blame the lack of whiskey _ versus the one of me. 

I blocked two different  _ dao  _ strikes, jammed my blade through a third man’s neck, then felt something poke my arm.  _ Side note, I don’t like being poked in the sword-arm. It’s just… it’s not one of my hobbies.  _ I turned to the side, recognized that this was the work of a cowardly spearman, then elbowed his spearhead off with an elbow. I didn’t know people could do that. I’m glad I learned.  _ Oh yeah, then I taught him a lesson _ . “Watch your head” I warned him before  _ picking him up with my hands _ by the neck. One very proud growl later, he was now my club. And his friends were going to be the tiger-seals I was going to start clubbing. Problem: He was a real squirmer. Solution: I cut his arm off with a  _ jian _ and started bonking him with it. Then he stopped squirming. And his allies were the ones crying out. 

They wouldn’t have long to, I brandished the arm like an arm and the person like a club. One swing later, I learned that humans aren’t the best blunt force objects when he combined with one of his friends and everything went crinkly. At least I had his arm. I threw his arm at someone and  _ for all this? _ I received one almost-hit  _ dao  _ strike by one unoccupied genius. I found my meteorite-forged  _ jian _ , picked it up with my off-hand, and felt back at home. Well… home was just down the road, but I meant ‘back home training.’  _ Swing, swing, block, block, slice, swing, block, block, another block, slice, stab. _

Two men got a-head, one man lost the ability to see what he was doing when I got him into a blade lock and shoved that blade through his eye socket. His friend was terrified of losing one of his last friends and retaliated by trying to poke me in the chest with his pointy, pointy, spearhead. I lacked armor. He had a spear. Not my finest example of tactical brilliance, blocking a spear with an arm.  _ Well… there’s another arm hole _ . 

Then again, when I didn’t just fall over and die,  _ he  _ didn’t demonstrate much tactical brilliance by grabbing a fallen  _ dao  _ instead of stabbing me again. As punishment for his idiocy and because I knew I had only a  _ fen  _ or two left before I was going to fall like a tree, I kneed him in the chest twice to stun him and bit him in the neck once. Who knew necks were so tough? I don’t know why I had to think of the Empress and her love of neck massages at that moment, but at least I knew by the end of that night I’d have to tell Kotyan that I finally learned to do it ‘Xishan style’. And… to really seal the Xishan-style, I tore this man’s throat blood vessel thing, whatever, the one that spurts a bunch, out with my teeth. Then, only then, did I have enough for the night. 

Zhu was the real victor here. While I was hacking my way through people, he got behind my back and blocked countless blows. I don’t know exactly how many he struck down, but I could occasionally get a glance back and spot that he was stabbing someone in his fancy pants ‘noble’ style of blade-twirling. Or,  _ parry, parry, stab. _ Keep your opponents at a distance, unless you happen to be the bodyguard for an important monarch person in which you keep your blade at a distance and keep your foes near your blade and away from the important monarch person. 

I know that when I took a spear to the arm and was starting to lose it, he jumped in and stabbed some poor poor assassin thirteen times in the chest like a total… well… like adopted father like son, or so the adage goes. Between that and my insane throat rip, the remaining assassins might’ve learned that messing with the Emperor and friends isn’t going to result in them living. I have to guess they fled into nothingness. One man wasn’t fortunate enough to flee, as Nan was  _ extra  _ annoyed that his friend was bleeding out of a few places and was hobbling towards the nearest source of light. Nan gave chase and I heard wailing screams as a man was tackled… somewhere in the darkness… and consumed by the snapping jaws of a wolf-dog. 

I managed to hobble over towards the tavern we had been at earlier in the night.  _ One-Hahnded _ . The place was still lit. We didn’t hear any conversing or cheering or daring or… any of that, but it’d have to do. Zhu had taken to slinging my arm around him and helping me ‘walk’,  _ that’s a real compliment _ , inside while his other hand held a  _ jian  _ ready for action. He kicked the doors open, revealing that there were a few occupants in the tavern. The tavernkeep for whom this place was named was cleaning a glass with his existing hand. 

In one corner, a group of… I don’t remember, they looked more than two but less than ten,  _ five, six _ , people were having one of those meaningful late-night conversations. In another corner, a pair of conical hats were drinking, hopefully offduty or they’d regret it. Hahn went white-faced seeing a man,  _ not just any man _ , trailing a nice amount of blood and his drinking companion barging in. I don’t remember what he yelled, but it probably wasn’t the kind of wording I’d use around my younger cousin. After all, this was a rare sight. Rare unexpected sights often call for such words. He was forgiven, he had an emotional reaction. He spurred the rest of the tavern’s attention towards the three -Nan was back, blood dripping from his mouth- of us. 

A bunch of different voices yelled different orders related to retrieving people, carriages, and so on. Without any request, someone knocked all the glasses off a table and cleared it. “No need for the drama” I noted, surprisingly -for them- calm for the situation.  _ I’ve been through this before, no worries _ . “But...Your Majesty’s leg” the equally terrified -relative to Hahn and others- Zhu said. “Not my worst. Not my best either.” He had no experience with this side of me. 

I raised the hand that didn’t have a spear wound in it and pointed over.. .there.  _ There. Yes. It’s not like I remembered it well _ . “Can I get a whiskey for the… uncomfort?” “A whiskey, you need a healer,” someone forgot to use their proper titles. “A healer, you need one of those funeral people,” a different man said. I gave that man a very angry one-eyed glare. “ _ You’ll  _ need one of those funeral people if you say that again.” This stopped whoever this man was from being more dramatic… or quippy. I don’t know. A glass that smelled of good stuff was retrieved for me while someone got to work tying up my leg. I sipped it and quickly drowned my throat in the feeling of being stabbed by a knife. Not the best feeling considering the current events, and Hahn’s parody of Kyoshi Island Clear Whiskey isn’t that good, but I’ll complain later. It was there, on some insignificant table in a tavern famous for serving low-ranked people, that the adrenaline finally ceased, I looked around at my odd companions... and I passed out. 

I awoke to an uncommon yet very familiar… I’d say sight, but smell. Seal jerky. No, really. Seal jerky. The best food, I hear it’s worth sacking an entire city over.  _ Hmm. Where did I hear that from?  _ That, and one of the most annoying nasal voices this side of anywhere. Said voice was discussing that “Your style of healing would just leave more scarring!” Was I in any position to debate that? Was I in any position? I’d have to find out. I did that by, what else, confirming I was wearing pants. 

Good news, I could move my hands. Better news, I felt that I was wearing garments of the under kind. Bad news, moving my hands around alerted said annoying voice to my existence. “Well, he’s awake, you can stop your whining.” I had no clue who the Princess of the Southern Water Tribe was talking to. I didn’t know if I wanted to know.  _ I mean… maybe I do _ . Depending on who it was, I might have to kill her right after waking up.  _ If you’re insulting the Empress, that’s… definitely a crime. Not that I’d kill you, I’m kind of… lying on a bed right now. _

I opened my good eye. Two things struck me at the same time. I had a woman’s head and chest eclipsing most of my sight and the ceiling was that dull morbidly ‘flavorful’ Imperial Infirmary kind. You know, the kind that is really decorated and fancy despite being the death place of the more prestigious monarchs. And the worst ones.  _ The meaning of life, don’t be too brave and don’t be too stupid, just do whatever everyone else tells you to do and you won’t die in battle or get backstabbed or poisoned. Just aim to die peacefully in your sleep _ .  _ They get to die in bed, not lying on a table doing a good job of pretending to be a piece of hunted game _ .

I wasn’t to be added to that count, though. The eclipsing body backed up as if seeing my eye open wide was something unpredicted.  _ I guess it wasn’t _ . “What? Did my one good blue eye scare you?” She began “No...no, you, you…” but she was taking too long, so I cut her off. “Me me, yes, yes. I’m not dead yet.” I sat up and pulled myself backwards to try and rest against what I thought was a headrest. Instead as I lay back, I fell backwards and rolled off the bed, banging my sides into the floor with a small  _ slam _ . Credit where it’s due, the people who work for us as our servants are quite good at grabbing a falling Emperor and helping him back onto the bed. Credit where it isn’t due, it’s their job to watch out for this. Though, I suppose, I can’t fault them for not being able to ever fully understand the madness that is... _ tree-man _ .  _ Sounds like a bad folktale villain.  _

The Princess of the Southern Water Tribe was being a bit… reserved. Rare for someone of her emotional potential. As such, it should be understandable that my first real question was “Did you bring me back from the dead?”. She drew a stream of water into her hands from… somewhere. “Not really. I patched you up.” She took that stream and coiled it into two palms of water, which she then applied to my javelined leg. “How badly injured was I?” _You’re the Emperor, stop admitting to failure. It makes you look back_. “It’s like you walked into a bar fight.” I shrugged, since ‘walking into a bar fight’ is a point of pride where I’m from. Also, she didn’t use proper titles, but I’m sure _someone_ somewhere was tallying that up for future… necessity.

“Do you...get into this  _ often _ ?” she stressed the last word with a bit of surprise. Justified, she’s not from where I’m from, she’s from some igloo somewhere inland from the Umiak Coast. I gave up on trying to sit up and instead enjoyed the sensation of having some random woman I sort of know rub cooling water along one of my legs. “I wouldn’t say ‘often’, but enough to be experienced with it” and I smiled, because… I  _ am  _ experienced at getting stabbed, if nothing else. “Why are you going around getting yourself beat up like that?” Did she know that she sounded like someone’s mother? If she wanted to act like that, I’d act my age. “Because I’m me, and you can’t control me otherwise.” She scoffed in maternal dismissal. 

“Why do you have experience with bar fights?” _Oh, you want to play annoying?_ I wasn’t going to answer her question. “Why do you have experience with experience?” “What’s that supposed to mean?” The water on my leg got a _bit_ cooler. “I’m quite sure you’re sure of what I’m supposing it to mean.” The water got even cooler. “You’re… like my age. Why are you going out and getting into fights?” _Lady Katara, we’re not all like you and your boyfriend_. 

“Because I’m a nonbender and I can’t just blow my enemies with blowing powers.”  _ That’s the best way to put it. Yup _ . “Maybe think before you act?” she chastised me, again.  _ Then I’ll annoy you again, then _ . “Don’t judge me for being a good enough swordsman.”  _ Good enough _ . “If you were good enough, you wouldn’t be lying here and I wouldn’t have had to spend a little spirit water to keep you nice and living!”  _ I’ll just ignore that you just insulted the second most important person in the Empire, and because we’re the best, the Three Nations and One Egg, and pick on something entirely unrelated _ . 

“A little spirit water?” I asked it like I was unsure if that was too little or too much. She rolled her eyes, recalled the water back to her palms, and presented the water she just drew out of her waterskin to me. “Got this from the North Pole. It’s for ‘special use only’. Aang insisted that Your Earthliness deserved it.”  _ I deserved it? Do I consider this some kind of treat? Or what? And… fine, I ignored the slights earlier, but  _ “‘His Earthliness-’” I said in a mock tone, “-deserves being called something more respectable, like His Imperial Majesty. Otherwise,” I nodded, “...I’m grateful to the Avatar for a gesture I would not have asked for.” 

She scoffed in… frustration? Annoyance?  _ Katara-ness _ ? I don’t know. “Do you prefer having scars across your body? Because you still do. The courtiers and everyone advised against it.”  _ Ha. Ha.  _ I laughed a bit insanely. “I love my personal tokens of all my best duels. Let’s see,” I thought to myself. “A lip cut for a fire-dagger from the man who plucked my right eye, four on either arm for times I blocked a weapon with my arm, one on the… I’m going with the sword-hand, for a knife courtesy an assassin, one on the lower torso, courtesy a drunken assassin’s knife, a couple on the legs, courtesy more stab wounds from assassins and battles, and my feet are totally discolored because… I’ve had a few run-ins… or…” I snickered, “... _ lie _ -ins with lightning.” The healer refused to comment, instead looking somewhat disturbed by my accurate recollection of reminders of battling. “Oh, and of course” I pointed at my missing eye. “I’m missing one of these little things. You  _ never  _ know how much you miss it till you lose it.” Yet again, she had no comment. She put the glowy spirit water back in her waterskin. 

“So…” she changed the conversation with the power of being a loud-speaker and an annoying one at that. “...why did you get attacked in the Upper Ring?”  _ Because I walked out of a meeting with a group of possibly legal rebels who nobody else knows exists? And I walked out and into the darkness and the darkness contains some bad people?  _ Instead of telling the truth, I just went with whatever I felt like. “I encountered some criminals, the criminals encountered I, and the two of us got to work.”  _ That’s kind of the truth _ . Katara seemed only  _ more  _ frustrated at me. 

She called me out for what I said with “Your friend said that you and he were ambushed.” “And?” I couldn’t be bothered to deny Zhu’s report, and I didn’t feel like penalizing Zhu for being as honorable as his adopted father. “Why is the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se so dangerous?!?”  _ Why must half your statements be exclamatory of some kind? Control your tone? Must you always have some bit of moodiness to you?  _ I could answer that, but I was also lying on my back in a room that smelled of incense and infirmaries. To all that have been there, they know how sickness hangs in the air, waiting to corrupt new people.  _ Or something poetic like that _ .

“Answering that question will require the application of my  _ pants _ .” I had been waiting forever to use that line,  _ thanks, fictional works I’ve forced myself to sit through and read for the sake of understanding the culture of Ba Sing Se better _ , and now I used it. “But you’re wearing pants” and she gestured to the towel wrapped around my undergarment. “Maybe in the parts of the Four Nations where you’re from, sure. But where I’m from, we call that a towel.” She groaned. “I…” then she gave up and made some water splash inside it’s large basins.  _ Victory for the Empire!... ? _ “I’ll… meet you back over at our house.” And Katara gave an awful excuse of a bow, turned, and departed. “Do we let her part, Your Majesty?” some Imperial Guard asked. She fumed. “ _ Yes _ ” and the two men far larger than her stepped to the side and let her leave. 

“Attendant, some informal pants and the Imperial Informal Robe!” The waiting attendants took their time to fetch the clothes,  _ I guess they were busy preparing to bring out the fancier robes _ , but they eventually returned with, get this, some pants and a robe with a sash to tie on. I sat up, this time not foolish enough to rest on a headrest that was as real as the Avatar’s capacity for violence, and put on my clothes. I tried moving my legs around, they felt normal,  _ that’s a good sign _ , so I stood up.  _ Only a few small scars this time… nice.  _ I quenched my parched tongue with as much not-for-healing water as I could find, and I set out. Or...I was in the process of thanking the olive-complexed women who probably did most of the healing, and to whom I probably owed my life, “Thank you, my lady-”, when someone important enough to prevent me from ‘setting out’ walked in.  _ Through a wall. _

“Kyoshi! You haven’t gotten yourself killed yet!” The Empress was still coated in a fine layer of fancy wall dust when she headbutted me in the chest. She didn’t need to, but she did anyway. Then we hugged. Or… she decided to hug me, since… I was a bit off-guard, and I stood there dumbfounded. Not that out of character, I  _ am  _ dumb, but still. “I… had no agency in the matter, beyond the agency of my blade skills-” Toph cut me off, because she’s Toph. “I  _ told  _ you that if you ever want to get yourself killed, you better ask me first, and you better do it in a sweet fashion!”  _ Ow. Thanks for the hugging… but ow.  _ “What exactly is a ‘sweet fashion?’” I questioned this while noting that I now had more dust on my hands than I wanted. Which… is probably expected when holding the dust-colored bun of hair instead of… anywhere else with less dust on it. “A ‘sweet fashion’ is a sweet fashion. Don’t think-” she lightly bopped me on the head, with her  _ fist _ , “-too hard about it.”  _ I… won’t _ . 

Since I was alive, and the Empress was standing here, I had to ask “Do you want me to go be your pillow?” because that’s one of my jobs. “Nah. I’m not tired.”  _ Not tired? Is that surprising? Who knows what time it is _ . I asked “Why aren’t you tired?” while weaving my hands through her sea-raven black hair which… could really do with a cleaning at some point. Still, it’s very nice hair that I really really like... _ wait no I shouldn’t say that like that _ . “Why would I be? Lord Qiangyang and I had an earthbending competition. Against each other. Then the loser had to fight the Imperial Guard and the winner the Dai Li.”  _ I… why do I always miss the cool stuff?  _

“Why did I miss that?” I asked, feeling a  _ bit  _ sad at missing what would’ve been a fun competition. “You’re always busy bringing-” she pulled out of the hug to talk with her hands “‘mass reforms’ and creating Shmanner Shmarmies.”  _ That’s...those aren’t words _ .  _ Banner Armies, Shammer Shmarmies.  _ “Good mockery of me.” She gave that wonderfully self-reassuring smile of hers, you know, the one with the hands-on-hips pose. The one that exudes confidence. “I try. It’s hard to beat the real high-pitched nasalness.”  _ I’m not high-pitched or… I’m not… I’m… Wait, wait, I’ve learned that it’s just a good idea to not debate the Empress on anything and it’s a good idea to never try to outwit Toph.  _

“So… no pillow? Do you not want me as a footrest, or a headrest, or a rest rest, while you pick your toes or teeth or…” she cut me off to invent her own conclusion. “Toes  _ and  _ teeth? I  _ could _ . The first two times are for a purpose, the third and on is for the sweet sweet feeling of it.”  _ That’s great to hear, Toph! No, really. I’m losing my mind, I was bonked in the head during that scuffle, apparently not hard enough, but it’s great to hear anyways!  _ The two of us stayed in a hug with me looking down at her head and her… lifeless staring at my robe. After everything, I  _ did  _ feel like some pillow time would be… a nice break from things. “Why not do that? I’m for it.” 

She went looking for… _that’s my chest, that’s my torso, that’s my torso, that’s my thigh, that’s my hip, that’s my torso again, that’s… ticklish… that’s my chest, that’s my neck, that’s my shoulder…_ my shoulder, judging by the tight iron grip she gave it. “You’ll do _anything_ for me?” she had that wrestler-worthy tone to her. “Anything.” I wasn’t lying. I would do anything. “Kneel.” Then she said the following like a little girl who won a prize. “I like ostrich horses!” _I know where this is going_. I knelt quite still while the Empress wrapped her arms around me. Her hands draped over my chest, probably fumbling for something to grab onto, when she finally kneed my back and yelled “Up!” _Ow._ _Happy ow, but ow_. “Where are we going?” I asked, looking at her hand. “Wherever you want, Kyoshi!” And like that, the Empress was sitting on the Emperor’s shoulders. _Imperial Ostrich Horse time has returned!_

I wanted to visit the current Avatar. Not because I have a particular aspiration to meet the star of the Imperial Deflowering Bedding Pool,  _ Bedding or Betting? Bedding makes more sense but officially unofficially it’s Betting, right? _ , but because I think it’s courteous to extend a warm, Ba Sing Se welcome, to a teenage boy who… is the star of the Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool.  _ Right, right, of course I need to go figure out the legality of all that. Then find out the stats. I have to place some bets on Fire Lord Zuko and Fire Lady Mai… because… the Imperial Tutor said something about something like that. The rest of those fools won’t see it coming when I walk away with a bunch of gold. I mean, I’m the Emperor and I already have a bunch of gold, but I seem even more important if I bet my gold correctly. Gold that is bet on whether one teenager will commit to the oogies with another teenager. Should… am… am I contributing to the gambling crisis? No, of course not. I’m the Emperor, whatever I do is legal. Did I bet any gold? No, what are you, kidding? I’m the Emperor. I can metaphorically bet gold then feel satisfaction if I win and feel no regret if I lose since I didn’t commit anything anyways. _

Anyways, I wanted to meet the Avatar. “You want to go meet the Avatar, Toph?” “Twinkletoes? I  _ did  _ say you can go wherever you want. That counts as wherever. Maybe I’ll get to beat him up in a sparring match!” I had many questions for him related to a certain Colonial city and the movement he ‘ran’ that just so happens to be filled with equal parts petty ruffians, Kyoshi Ethics violators and undercover Dai Li agents. And knowing the Fire Nation, undercover Fire Nation agents. Who… report to the Imperial Tutor indirectly. In other words, his organization’s either full of criminals or people reporting to the Imperial Tutor.  _ In short, your organization is in tatters, Avatar, but I can’t say why except I can except I can’t except I will because I’m the Emperor and your argument is invalid _ . 

I carried my Empress down the halls, and more halls, and more halls. Each time I turned, I wondered whether to politely ask her to dismount me. Each time I turned, she grabbed my queue like some kind of rein and gave me compliments for wearing”‘the best kind of spruce-moss soap” as if she knew I needed motivation to not fall over like a drunken tree.  _ That’s not soap, this place is as hot as a Fire Nation… anything _ .  _ Not that you care.  _ “It’s not soap, Your Majesty. I’m sweating.” “Well…” she yanked on my hair “...faster, mount!”. 

We approached the Thousand Steps and confused the daylights out of the heralds, “what do you mean the Empress is riding the Emperor?” “what do you mean, you’re serious and not making up a Pu-On Tim joke?” was what they said to the courtier ahead of us. Aside from that little debacle,  _ Toph, you don’t need to hysterically laugh at that _ , we had the big debacle of me going down stairs. I asked the sky “How do I walk down these stairs?” So Toph rubbed my hair, because that’s what you do I guess, and explained, gently, “You put your left leg in front of your right leg, then your right leg in front of your left leg, then do that over and over until you have either fallen over and snapped your own neck or gotten to the bottom of the stairs.” Her gentle voice only made sense with the finale of that remark. I tried to roll my one good eye, but failed. “I meant, walk down the stairs with you on me.” Toph hopped off my back, making me stumble for a bit until I regained my footing. In that time, she… vanished. I heard a very loud  _ crash _ to my left and below me and cautiously looked over the edge of the Thousand Steps to find the Empress strolling away from where she… _ slid down the wall and crashed into the expensive paving stones _ .  _ Great, great.  _ “I’m glad you got down okay!” I shouted. I, being just a nonbender, could only descend the Thousand Steps like a normal person. If nothing else, when I got to the bottom, I had a friend to greet me. 

“Hop on, Lord Qiangyang won’t eat you if you do!” the Empress patted her best friend’s head. He growled happily before licking my entire body from knee to forehead.  _ That didn’t send metaphorical shock vibrations down my spine. Happy shock vibrations… but still.  _ “Thank you for the licks!” I petted his snout. He growled. “Treat him properly, Kyoshi!” she yelled from on top of her custom saddle. “Thank you, Your Highness”, I bowed to him, and received yet another full-body lick. A  _ li-i-ick,  _ if you will. Nan was busy sleeping,  _ he earned it _ , so he couldn’t join Lord Qiangyang in a race of sorts. The massive mythical creature used his whiskers to feel me out. Toph said “Qiang! Let him on!” and he let out a soft croon,  _ a real mamma’s boy,  _ and extended his paw to let me climb on.  _ This isn’t hard. It’s like climbing a fur-coated hill.  _ I got on, Toph spoke soft words of request to him, and he walked towards the Avatar’s Guest House. When he, presumably, told her he’d do it, she scratched his hair. I sat down behind her. I didn’t have anything to grab onto, so I just… sat back in the saddle. 

Longer than necessary later, with the tiles lightly scraped up along the way and the lines of Imperial Guards having to take a few paces back to let Lord Qiangyang’s tail get some space, we got to the building.  _ They won’t make the same mistake of getting whipped by his tail twice _ . Let it be said we came with full Imperial style. The Avatar’s sky bison seemed…  _ annoyed? _ ... at the Empress’s badgermole. The badgermole growled and kept growling. As Toph climbed off, taking my hand with her, he changed from a harsh growl to a soft croon, for just a moment, while extending his paw out to let her and I have a footpad to use. “Ain’t he the  _ best _ ?” Toph rhetorically asked, unironically soft and girly. “He is the best.” I answered. “You’re right, he  _ is  _ the best!”. Once we were off, she went up to him and gave him some soft cheek scratches. Yet again, the massive mythical animal let out a soft whimpering croon. He gave her a lick, she dragged me over to join her in giving him some fur scratches, and he turned me into a sopping mess of badgermole tongue. Not that I mind. I then turned around and faced the creaking door of the Avatar’s personal residence. Toph… kept ‘looking’ at her badgermole companion, since… sight’s kind of overrated for her.

“Welcome, Your Earthlinesses!” the airbender yelled. The airbender said it and he bowed in his Air Nomad style. I looked at Toph, Toph had spun around and was ‘looking’ to our right with her ear pointing at him instead, so I looked back at him. “We own this land, though.” Caught off guard by reality, the Avatar scratched his head. “Right… sorry about that.” He offered another formal bow, then asked “Would you two like to come in for some tea?” Toph fist-slammed my shoulder. “I was about to start working on some bastard-making, but now that you’ve distracted me,  _ sure _ .” Before I could even comprehend the nonsense, or Aang’s priceless oblivious reaction, I had to lean in and whisper “Toph, we’re both Imperials.” She then kissed her finger, raised it, and went “Ah! I was about to get to work on some heir-making, but now that Kyoshi has distracted me, sure I’m up for some tea!” before dipping said finger in her ear and walking over towards the bowing airbender. I went after her and the two of us went into his ‘humble’ multistoried house built on the spot specifically for his usage.

He already had cups of tea,  _ granted, they were empty _ , on a table. It’s as if he was preparing for this. He air-scootered over to the kitchen, whereupon he was boiling water and retrieving tea using firebending and airbending.  _ At the same time. Well someone’s a showoff _ . I wasn’t going to say anything, but being a nonbender means you have to put in the effort to do that,  _ every single time _ . 

I pulled out a chair for Toph to sit on and offered it to her. She raised a fist and formed a stone seat to sit on instead. I went and sat down on the next chair over and mumbled “But… chair” She heard that. “Would you prefer I sat in your lap?” Before I could say anything, the Empress walked over to me and sat down in my lap.  _ I… I… what in the name of me?  _ She tried to get comfortable, I tried not to get the full weight of a sack of grain compressing on my upper leg parts, and Katara, who randomly appeared, tried to hold back her ‘aww’-ing. “It’s so sweet! We never get to see the two Imperial’s softer sides!”  _ You have got to be kidding me. Except you’re not _ . 

I picked Toph up by the sides and placed her on the floor. She figured out the rest with foot powers. Then Toph saved us both with the power of being Toph. She tugged on her eyelids and yelled “I’m  _ blind _ ! What is with you, Sugar Queen?” After confusing Sugar Queen, the Blind Bandit gave a swinging knockout of “And we aren’t softer, this is just the… the… prelude to bastard-making!”  _ That  _ is something Katara understood. I had no ability, beyond raising my hand in disagreement, to stop Katara from going “That’s  _ dis-gust-ing _ ” with a stressed midsection. Toph fixed Katara’s point with a few  _ miao  _ of nose-picking.  _ Well… at least you did follow through with saying that you’d do it, Toph _ .

Katara, having had enough, but not enough to dare kick the two Imperials out, coughed to catch everyone’s undivided attention -save Toph who was staring into the emptiness to her left- and declared “So! Tea! Yes, tea!”.  _ This proves it, Zuko wins the ‘most awkward conversation starter’ belt, but Katara comes in third. Behind me when sober.  _ She then walked into the kitchen to go… retrieve tea I guess. 

“So, Your Earthlinesses, how’s the Empire of Ten Thousand Years going?” I looked at Toph and expected her to trade a confused face with me. She remained expressionless.  _ I’m going to be the one speaking here, aren’t I?  _ One glance back at Toph, now she was sipping  _ my  _ tea cup with one hand and picking her foot with another. The foot was crossed over and resting on her other thigh. “The Empire is going…”  _ quick, genius, think of something that the Avatar might want to hear _ , “...persistently strong.” That made me internally wince.  _ I don’t say it often, but I physically cringed at that bit of platitudical nonsense _ . 

__ “That’s great to hear!” the cheery young man declared. It hurts that his booming voice actually booms us all with airbending. “How’s the stability? You’re two years into a ten thousand year long realm,” he said it unsarcastically, which means he thought of it seriously.  _ Two years into a… oh we’re totally dead by year...five hundred? Maybe not according to me, but the way you seem to treat it, Avatar _ .  _ If our heirs, should they ever be a thing, run the land like you run your responsibilities, I’ll give the realm until my death and a day.  _ “We’re doing quite well. Only a few  _ daofei  _ bands to content with and one or two peasant uprisings.” To this, Toph nodded. The Avatar and his…  _ wait is that a betrothal necklace I spot with my one good eye? _ ... girlfriend,  _ for now _ , looked at us with the kind of surprise a Pu-On Tim actor looks at another Pu-On Tim actor with. I forgot that real people could be that stupidly unaware of current events..

“A  _ few _ ? One or  _ two _ ?” the Avatar said, surprised.  _ I get it. You want to play this game _ . “Morning dew? Rhyming through? Oh, oh, what will I do?” and the Empress gave a semi-fake laugh because I think she knew what I was getting at. The Avatar was… not in the mood for this. He was acting far more seriously. “Why were there peasant rebellions to begin with?” Toph pointed at me.  _ Hey Toph, I think you’re the best, but can you maybe clue me in on what ‘point at me’ means?  _ “I… I guess-” Toph nodded a bit, “-I knew someone who-” Toph shook her head, “-I am-” Toph nodded, “-involved-” Toph nodded her head even more, “-in at least one of these rebellions…-” Toph was bowing her head so much I thought she had consumed cactus juice again, “-...yes...?” Toph grabbed my shoulder and pinched it. “Ow! Yes!” I flew out of my chair. “Yes! I know everything about rebellions! I’m the tree man, hear me bark!” Then Toph sat back down…  _ on my lap _ … and took to scratching her feet. I pointed at the Avatar. “How may I help you with the Empire’s catalog of rebellions? If it exists, there’s a rebellion of it!”  _ No really. There is.  _

“Why were there multiple rebellions, Your Earthliness?” the Avatar seriously inquired. His girlfriend, confused beyond belief by our Imperial courtship techniques,  _ obviously that’s what it was _ , was now reassured of her importance by virtue of comprehension of her boyfriend’s words. “Because there were multiple causes for rebellion,  _ duh _ ” the Empress inputted. “Because some people didn’t like us. And killing is the answer to everything, or so they think,” and yes, I was a total tree for saying that. 

“There’s  _ no  _ reason anyone should ever have to take a life!” The Avatar’s waving hands made a small gust circulate the room and blast my queue into Toph’s face.  _ Sorry Toph.  _ “There’s no  _ reason _ , sure, but that doesn’t stop people from finding excuses to.” The Avatar was upset. He had his upset face on. “Tell me who took other people’s lives and I’ll have them punished for their crimes!” By instinct, I think we both knew that we couldn’t answer that. Good on me, Toph took the first move. She shuffled over to sit on my leg - _ ow _ \- and turned her head towards me. She stared into my soul with her beautifully terrifying lifeless green eyes. “Kyoshi, do you want to give me a neck massage?”  _ Not really?  _ “No?” “Okay then.” and she went back to her foot cleaning. With our Imperial Campaign to Distract the Avatar completed, we could resume grown-up discussions. Namely, an organization that caused a rebellion.

“Avatar, the Air Acolytes are a group of ruffians,  _ daofei _ , and silent lurking types. Everyone except the last group actively participates in anti-Acolyte activities including but not limited to: Breaking Kyoshi’s Ethics in a hundred different regards, Murder, murder, murder and murder, extorting businesses, trying to overthrow governments, and, judging by our reports, causing traffic jams in the city.” Then I heroically shoved my hands into my sleeves. The Avatar was… surprised, to say the least.  _ That really would be saying the least.  _ Oh well, he believes in poverty, so he gets ‘the least’.

“What do you mean, Your Earthliness?” Normally Toph wouldn’t sigh for me, but this isn’t that normal. This is Twinkletoes. “I mean that they’re ruffians-” I took a deep breath, “-they’re  _ daofei _ -” another deep breath, and this time with a much grander voice “-they’re Ethics-breakers and we-” now I stood up to tower over the sitting Avatar, “- _ do not tolerate those who break the Ethics of Kyoshi inside this Empire.  _ Regardless of your rank or wealth or views, if you break these fundamental principles, you  _ will  _ be tried.” The Avatar gulped. I guess my towering tree-like stature was intimidating.  _ Good. Be intimidated. You egg _ . Moments after, a touch by Katara’s hand on his shoulder did the trick, he had regained his stamina and his steadfastness. “I follow Kyoshi’s Ethics. Our organization does, too. Give me the names of those who break the law and I’ll handle them, myself.” 

I know it’s not courtly to break into laughter. I didn’t care. I buckled over and  _ howled  _ in amusement. So much so I had to wipe some tears from my good eye. “Avatar… Avatar… Avatar… Avatar…”  _ Oh Kyoshi protect me from just choking out your incumbent _ , “...if only things were that easy. If  _ only _ I had these people’s  _ names _ . If only thousands of people would gladly give up their names so that they may be…  _ what was that _ ?” I slapped my sides. “What was that? You were going to... _ handle  _ them?” I pulled up one of my pant legs, put my foot on the chair, and showed off a small mark of where a knife went right through my skin and stopped at my bone on my shin. 

“I sure  _ handled  _ that would-be assassin, don’t you think?” I was more than happy to give him a tour of places where I was reminded of  _ handling  _ people. I pointed at my hand. “I  _ handled  _ this assassin, wouldn’t you agree?” He gulped. “I handle people day and night,  _ Avatar _ ” I stressed his name derogatorily. “Her Imperial Majesty, not  _ ‘Your Earthliness’ _ , handles people day and night,  _ Avatar _ . The two of us have spent the better part of our lives since becoming monarchs  _ handling  _ this, that and the other.” I sat back down, the Lord Egg shook ever so slightly from this hard slap of truth he was receiving.  _ I know, reality really hurts doesn’t it? _

Unlike her boyfriend, the Princess,  _ she doesn’t deserve the title _ , was adaptable and quick on the counter. “Aang didn’t create the Air Acolytes with the intention to loot, pillage and destroy! We will inspect them, chapter by chapter. Anyone who breaks the ethical guidelines Aang instated will be kicked out.”  _ The ethical guidelines… what? What ethical guidelines? Violate everything that moves?  _ “How do you plan on rooting out this issue? They came with the start of the organization, to kill the root would require that you inspect  _ all  _ your recruits and members. There’s thousands in Ba Sing Se alone.”  _ Okay correction, there was once thousands. Now there’s probably a couple dozen. Or none. Or… we can make sure of that. _

__ “Then we will do it!” and Katara brought her fist down on the table.  _ Oooh. Someone’s being assertive. Someone’s feeling special. Good on you, Katara. Show the tree man that you mean business. Do it! Really, ‘stand up’ to the Emperor and the Badgermole Throne.  _ “We will?” her boyfriend, the supposedly self-assuring confident arbiter of everything and peace and peace and everything asked more like a cowardly child than anything else. She looked me dead in my…  _ wrong eye _ … and said “Yes, we will.”  _ By Kyoshi, if this is how the Avatar normally faces his challenges… I feel as legally bad as I can for people following him. I mean… he’s not part of my nation, so I don’t feel that bad. _

The Avatar made us one of his pithy “Avatar promises” which mean as much as sand makes for a good house foundation. This was a promise “to fight the pollution the evil Acolytes spread while encouraging peaceful alternatives.” “When you say pollution, you realize that anything they do that is anti-Badgermole Throne is pollution, right?” I felt bored explaining it. “I will root out any pollution I find,” he said with that same ‘promising’ tone.  _ Right. Of course. The pacifist is going to get rid of all the terrorists and criminals. _

An aside, there’s no way I can tell either of them the following: One, the Empire actively,  _ unless I’ve been mistaken _ , considers the Acolytes an anti-government organization and will hunt them down as such. Two, there’s an underground movement that took justice into their own hands for crimes committed by Acolytes against them. Three, the Acolytes actively undermine the efforts of, among other groups, our secret police. In conclusion, he promised to hunt down ‘pollution’ and take an audit of all chapters. In conclusion, I’m going to have the Dai Li step up their arrests. We can’t let the Avatar’s followers get away with murder just because they’re the Avatar’s followers.  _ All must follow the same laws of Kyoshi. Whether the daughter of a famous noble line or the son of a fisher from a backwater island _ .

_There’s another matter I’d like to get to before something stupid distracts us all_. _New Taku_. “Avatar, how is your-” _don’t call it a fever dream, don’t call it a fever dream, don’t call it a fever dream_ , _don’t call it a fever dream,_ “-diseased hallucination of a city going?” Katara gave me ‘diseased hallucination?’ eyes. Or rather, she gave me angry eyes. Aang gave me innocent discs for eyes. _Ahem._ To fix my idiotic comment, I asked “Toph. Do you need a massage?” She flashed me a quick, thin, smile, before going back to her passive expressionless expression. Toph took to rubbing her foot intensely. “I could really-” she _really_ rubbed her foot “-do with a _kiss_ of fealty. They’re nice to have.” Then she wiggled her toes in my general direction. Of course, the two of us aren’t into oogies, but the two of us are also into being the two of us. And the Avatar and his partner don’t realize that, no, in fact, we’re not Pu-On Tim actors. We’re us. _Anyways_. With the distraction complete, I regained my monorail of thought. 

“How does New Taku go? Last I heard, they were doing things.”  _ Oh yeah. Those things. Being done. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, just sound more convincing than the person you’re talking to. It’s not bullying, it’s just diplomacy. Also, nobody’s forcing him to accept my intellectual superiority. But he’s too much of an Egg to see that.  _ The Avatar was cautious about speaking, so his girlfriend fixed his problem for him. And by fixed, I mean she took the nation-destroyer and dynasty-trimmer by the cheeks, whispered sweet nothings into his ears, and gave him a kiss. 

Toph stuck her tongue out and I buried my face in my hands.  _ At the same time _ . When the neverending  _ smek _ never ended, Toph loudly protested “Oh, the oogies! I am drowning in them!” before falling over and rolling around on the ground. Unsure whether to play along or not, I hopped off my seat and helped her up. “No, Kyoshi! Don’t let their oogies drown you!” Her Imperial Dramaness was playing the part well. “Oh no, Your Majesty! I’m being  _ drowned  _ by oogies! So much. They’re everywhere!” and I, too, fell to the ground and started rolling around. “Oh, you two are so immature!” the acting mother of the Avatar’s personal retinue said in her most motherly voice yet. Since I was side-by-side with Toph, I could see her grin as she said “Ah! Thank you,  _ mother _ , for ending those disgusting, disgusting oogies!”. Then she grabbed me and kicked the two of us into standing positions. From there, we went to go sit down and do our respective tasks. Me sitting and her sitting in my lap and cleaning her feet. 

The Avatar eventually remembered to respond to us. “New Taku is going quite well, Your Earthlinesses!”  _ Wipe that smugness from your face. Or I’ll do it with… nevermind _ . I said “Explain” while Toph said “No  _ way _ ” and crossed her arms. With a woman’s love as his reassurance,  _ note that’s one of the most stupid sentences I’ve ever considered and I recorded multiple Pu-On Tim plays from start until climax _ , the Avatar went on to explaining himself. 

“The Business Council was shrunken because we believed that the people should have a say. The People’s Council has been created. It’s formed by representatives of the working class. Between them, the Business Council and the many Chairmen and Chairwomen we’ve had, New Taku City has boomed!” His passion only continued. “The Business Council set aside most of the waterfront for city parks to the Spirits! We’re the first place in history to have spiritual advisors from all Four Nations on the same Sage Council. And, and, we tolerate all beliefs!” Toph is a woman who practically lives for, among other things including Lord Qiangyang and I, grossness. But this. This made her look as sick as when she has to step foot on a boat. She was too… disgusted… to say anything. 

But I did. “Avatar,  _ all  _ beliefs? What about the ones that call for the enslavement and persecution of everyone who isn't them?”  _ Like, I don’t know, half the beliefs that exist because us people aren’t the nicest _ . “That’s… a matter that the Business Council is working on.”  _ ‘Working on’. The Sandbender Tribes were ‘worked on’ with an army of riders and brand new Wailing Yaling artillery. The Fire Nation was ‘worked on’ with millions of able-bodied men and sometimes women _ . “Have you considered having New Taku adopt a belief that has…” I coughed to say it, “... _ ethics _ ?” The Avatar seemed genuinely confused by my offer to have his little city be, you know, organized. “Why would I, Your Earthliness? As the Avatar, I have no right to force my beliefs on anyone else. And they have no right to force it on any others. All life is sacred. All beliefs are sacred.” 

_ Oh really? What about all those men I saw… at Caldera. The ones that sent children at us. Or the ones on our side who kicked doors down and went about violating women. The ones we ended up executing. They weren’t forcing anything on anyone, right?  _ “You know, I’ve found that sometimes the men preaching of peace the most are the ones that are the biggest…” I couldn’t continue. I just couldn’t _.  _

“The ones preaching peace believe it, and if they don’t, then I won’t recognize them.”  _ Oh really?  _ “But you just said you wouldn’t force your beliefs on anyone else. By that virtue, shouldn’t you let anyone and everyone practice everything they want, together?”  _ Maybe Azulon and Wei-Hung could get together and end the war with a kiss. Maybe Azula could be convinced off torching a capital’s capital if someone just gave her loving kisses and a bundle of flowers. Maybe Lao Beifong could have been warded off of kidnapping someone and dragging him to Gaoling for his own ends with some loving speeches and well-meaning thoughts.  _

“Avatar. You’re...misguided. Those that  _ want  _ to commit crimes  _ will  _ commit crimes. Those that will sack cities will only be stopped with the sword.” I looked at Toph’s hands as they scratched her feet, then at the floor. While at the floor, I said “Do you know how many of my own forces were punished for just so much as  _ looting  _ the dead?”  _ No, he doesn’t. He also doesn’t know that I killed a Minister of the Imperial Court in front of the entire Court because he disrespected a bunch of dead rebels, cursing them as scum when they were simply the same workers that feed our military and our workforce. And that he disrespected the honorable secret police. Even if I was reckless, I still did that _ . The Avatar didn’t seem to care about my remarks. Or maybe they didn’t click with him. I don’t know. “As the Avatar, I have authority over them all. They can’t break my peaceful laws.”  _ Okay, that’s about enough _ .  _ That’s just about enough. _

“Or what?” I shot up into a proper stiff-backed stance. “You’ll  _ punish  _ them? For following their beliefs? That’s hypocritical.” Then I gave a short burst of laughter. He didn’t understand the laughter or the words but seeing my single blue eye  _ looming  _ above him made him push his chair just slightly backwards. “This is the job of the… Business…”  _ stop stuttering you idiot.  _ “...Council. To do.”  _ The Business Council _ . “By chance, is the late Lord of Gaoling the head of that?” “He is, Your Earthliness.”  _ Toph. _

The ground shook ever so slightly. It was enough for everyone to feel it, but only for one person to understand what it was about. I sat down next to her. I saw her faded green eyes. Just a  _ hint  _ of a squint in her eyes… I knew what she was feeling.  _ First you’ve sickened her, now you’ve terrified her? By Kyoshi, Avatar, you’re… not a very smart cake.  _ I took the Empress and pulled her into my shoulder. I put my arms around her to hug her.  _ It’s okay, Toph. It’s okay _ . “I…”  _ I don’t even have words. Lao Beifong _ . “That… that man is… not to be trusted.”  _ He’s manipulative. He’s shrewd. He would make a great Earth King, but sadly for him it was his daughter who stumbled in at the right time _ . 

“Why, Your Earthliness? He’s come off as a very honest man. Anything I need of him, he gets done. In return, he helps run the Business Council, which helps run the city. And he’ll do anything I ask of him. He’s helped with setting up parks for the Spirits!”  _ No, you… there’s no word for what you are. Thick?  _ “He’s running the city and you’re along for the ride,” that’s all I could muster. I was busy focusing on cradling the Empress and softly reassuring her with a hug. “What’s your proof?”  _ Oh no, accusatory Avatar. I’m terrified _ . And by terrified, I mean  _ you just messed with the wrong person’s boyfriend pillow thing _ . 

_ Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.  _ He found me towering over him. Who would guess, the man with no bending power who never had anything and had to earn it  _ all _ , save the titles, would grow to be taller than the boy with everything. The Empress is proof that genetic superiority, even if it exists, does not excuse training. “ _ Avatar _ . I am one of two living people to bear testament to that man’s capabilities. There are others, but they don’t have the same  _ intimate  _ relationship I was given the  _ honor  _ of having.” Yet again, the miserable coward of the Avatar that he is could only gulp. “ _ Avatar _ . You suspect  _ I’m  _ the inexperienced one? Go ahead. Suspect. When you wake up one day with a knife sticking out of your palm because you stopped being of  _ use  _ to the once Lord of Gaoling, you’ll know that it was I, the Earth Emperor, Consort to his  _ daughter _ -” I pointed at her, “- _ her _ , who warned you.” “Your…”  _ Nope I’m cutting you off _ .

_ Let’s be a bit more diplomatic. I wouldn’t want to give the poor Avatar night terrors.  _ “Has he ever mentioned having a daughter?” “No, Your-” “ _ No? _ ” the two Imperials shouted. Then, the woman sitting on the stone stool over there yelled “ _ No?!? _ ”. “No, Your-” I cut him off. “That woman is his blood. And I was sold to him so the two of us would…”  _ Oh what’s it matter.  _ “...if you followed the same ethics I did, you’d understand that simply buying up someone you want because they  _ happen  _ to have the kind of blood you want is, I don’t know-” pardon the walls for withstanding my throbbing yelling, “- _ unethical? Wrong? Evil? _ ” And… that was that. I didn’t continue my offensive. I didn’t really care to. He gulped again.  _ This man’s as thick as the walls of Ba Sing Se.  _ I spun around and walked back to my Empress’s side.  _ The Kuai Ball is in your… uh… sand pit, Avatar _ .

“Your Earthliness-”  _ fine, I won’t interrupt you,  _ “-the Head of the Business Council earned his reputation. If he was as evil as you’ve claimed, why would he invest so much of his own reserves into construction and…”  _ Oh? You don’t know what he does? Because you don’t actually know anything and you just happen to be born with literally all the power and are constantly reminded of the status? Because you’re sheltered? That’s such a nightmare. Wow.  _ “...other things like that. Yeah.”  _ You’re brimming with self-confidence.  _

“Why?” I’d slap my face if I wasn’t, one, not-holding the Empress, and two, trying to resist the urge to pull my blade out and restart the Avatar cycle right here, right now. “Because the-”  _ you want to use his stupid title, I’ll use it _ , “‘-Head of the Business Council’ knows that everything he invests in will return in the kinds of profits self impoverished monks and their followers could only have cactus juice dreams of.  _ We  _ have money. Money that could buy entire islands. Money to buy armies. Money to throw at every last fancy we’d ever desire. I could go out and give each citizen of Ba Sing Se a single gold piece and I’d  _ still  _ barely notice the change in the reserves. We inherited money like we inherited this giant house. This man? He’ll make more money than us. Do…”  _ you don’t, I’ll ask anyways,  _ “Do… you know what his  _ previous  _ occupation was? Or what he used to run? Or what your city happens to be?” 

Why expect anything other than a “No” from the most ‘qualified’ world leader. He might’ve said more words, but I was busy rubbing the Empress’s hair.  _ No. He said no. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.  _ “He ran a trade city. A city that didn’t care who it was trading to. Omashu could fall. Ba Sing Se could fall. The Gong Basili could fall. They’d trade with the Fire Nation or the settlements out on the Air Temple Islands. Appointing this man to run New Taku is just giving him a spot in the center of everything. The crossroads of all shipping lanes. Of all trade lanes. Everything passes along the Mo Ce. Everything follows the trade winds and the trade winds lead them there. And  _ who  _ would hold the tariffs to that city? Who do you pay in import taxes? Who gets a copper for every whiskey, for every brothel, for every piece of rent? Is it Your Holiness? No, why would it be. You’re the Avatar. You’re self-proclaimed as living like a monk. It’s  _ him _ . You’re making an evil man richer because…” 

_ I don’t even know how to go forward from that. This is just some of the dumbest nonsense I’ve had to intake. I don’t even know that much about import taxes, but... the Governor taught me that Shirahama wasn’t wealthy because Lee’s lumber mill was upstream. And it wasn’t wealthy because the Fire Nation was bottlenecked out east. It was wealthy because Kozuke, may he rest well with his ancestors, he died honorably, knew how to run a trade port. And trade ports don’t care about strips of cloth. They care about profits. They’re not inherently evil, a good commercial port will help sustain the surrounding region. But… if someone is ambitious or greedy, then the port will sustain themselves. And they’ll let the rest of the world burn as long as they still get trade. Because there’s always going to be trade whether one nation rules the Four or not.  _

“Then what does Your Earthliness suggest?” the Avatar asked all soft and meek.  _ Cut his head off and bring it to Toph. Kill every single person he’s allied with and treat them as rebels. Hunt them down and end their lineages. Bring this nonsensical city back into the backwards but efficient-where-needed arms of the Empire. Properly.  _ I proposed something slightly different. “Allow me to send a small force of the Empire’s best police to this… New Taku. For an audit.”  _ Then he’ll vanish and someone will find out he really felt quite down in the dumps one day so he fell out of a biplane. By accident. The wing snapped off. Blame the weather _ . 

“With all due respect, Your Earthliness, the Head of the Business Council believes the Dai Li are tyrannical and wishes to reject their presence.”  _ Of course they’re tyrannical, you genius. What else to counter only the most holy and pious? There’s a reason Ba Sing Se still unofficially follows the word of Kyoshi long after she left this realm. Because without someone to tell someone else to follow that first person, this city of millions would become a city of thousands overnight. Because as I’ve learned, I’m just as mortal as some Lee from the Lower Ring. I’ve just got armor. And the Dai Li might very well be tyrannical, but how else do you manage a city in the millions full of uneducated superstitious peasants who will rally behind the next populist strongman.  _

I wasn’t the one to put the fist down. No. It was Toph who raised a stone pillar just to  _ smash  _ it into dust with her fist. “And I, the Earth Empress, reject some mere  _ upstart _ ’s claim to have authority.  _ Avatar _ , that is still  _ my  _ city. Is this New Taku not part of the Earth Empire?” and her eyes glowed with a fright that made me skip a beat. The Avatar was  _ really  _ losing. First the tree defeats him, then a blind girl?  _ And Toph called him the Avatar _ . “The city is… it’s a Free City, as per the agreement of…” “Then as it is a  _ Free City _ , it is still  _ my  _ land, is it not?” and she swiveled in a very uncanny silent manner towards me and glared right up at my good eye. “It is, Your Majesty,” I said, answering for the Avatar. She picked up a metal plate, tightened her fist, and turned the entire piece of metal into a small ball. The ball fell out of her hand and gave a small bounce- _ thud _ as it hit the ground. “Then you-” she pointed  _ right  _ at the Avatar, “-will know that if it is  _ my  _ Empire, it is  _ my  _ rules. And  _ my  _ rules are that  _ my  _ loyal servants are free to travel anywhere in my Empire. If this New Taku is part of my Empire, then I  _ can  _ and  _ will _ send the Dai Li.” Her harsh voice softened just a bit, “If my Consort wills it.” 

I don’t know how the Avatar expected to fight back against that. For one of the first times since she ascended the Badgermole Throne, the woman I made a semi-drunken pact towards running away with finally,  _ finally _ , demonstrated the agency Captain Kotyan, Suki and I have been telling her she’s always had. She killed men, but rarely has she spoken in such a way that has terrified me for the right reasons.  _ Because you’re the Empress. Go kick him into the next commandery over! Yes! If you’re scaring me, you’re doing it right! Yes! Go Toph!  _ I admit, being given the permission made a flurry of emotions run around inside me. From fear,  _ she’s the Empress, don’t you screw up _ , to zealous fervor _ , I will lead those Dai Li myself if I have to _ , to, of course, love. Yes,  _ love _ . I said it. I love it when the Empress remembers the power she’s got.  _ Oh, and there’s the embarrassment factor to boot. I’m just a pillow. _

“Your Earthliness, did you not agree, at the Yu Dao Summit of…”  _ Three seasons into the reign of Her Imperial Majesty as being a mere queen, that one, _ “...the first one, that the Colonies would be allowed to vote on what they’d do post the Hundred Year War?”  _ Yes, we did. I was the moron responsible for drafting that because I believe then and believe now that the Colonies, fervent supporters of freedom, would prefer a lax Empire where you’re free to run around packing a dao a crossbow and some blasting jelly if you want while also running a brothel and kissing someone of the same persuasion as you as long as you pay us tax and give us some troops… over a stringent Nation where everything is banned and they think the people are going to rise up against them so ‘you don’t need weapons’ despite the firebenders being weapons. Over, last and finally, something dumb like ‘independance’ where a coal baron will just run the land anyways. Yes, I still stand by my claim _ . Katara’s look made me pull out of my self-contemplation. 

“Yes. We-” I took the Empress’s hand since technically  _ we  _ drew that drunken nonsense up, “-approved it. And I think we stand by it to this day.” Toph snapped back from such attempts at being unified because she’s got her own style. “I never, ever, go back on my word. Just ask Kyoshi.” I nodded. “Then, Your Earthliness would agree if we held another summit? A summit for just the Colonies to vote on? The Hundred Year War  _ is  _ over.” 

I felt a shiver. And it wasn’t the ‘we’re sitting in ice’ kind or ‘there’s a waterbender around here’ kind. It was the shiver that the Fire Princess, long ago, warned me. I don’t know her words, but never before had I seen such a prodigy in genuine distress from a cause that could give the best of us sleep problems.  _ She warned against letting them have another Summit. She warned against giving the Colonies that option _ .

“ _ No _ .” I put my fist down. “The Summit would require the involvement of the Empire. We are still their rulers.” Toph gave a small head-bow of agreement. I continued. “They are members of the Empire. And, besides, that’s the Earth continent you’re talking about-” I need only squint my good eye to make the Avatar feel the burden of reality, “- _ Avatar _ .” The Princess of the South was hasty to defend her and her boyfriend. “We won’t hold the Summit! But the Colonials  _ are  _ free to hold it on their own, are they not?” 

Yet again, the quiet Empress piped something in, this time by grabbing my arm and  _ squeezing  _ it. “Then they’d be traitors, and they’d have to be given the punishment of traitors. Right, Kyoshi?”  _ Ow. Ow.  _ “Right... Right, Your Majesty. I have more faith in my Colonials than most. They won’t betray us.” Toph let go and we continued.

The Avatar obviously came here for some stupid reason,  _ it’s not like we have ministers, as drunk and incompetent as they are, they are what they are, to handle you and the things flowing out of your mouth you call words _ . And now he revealed it. “Your Earthlinesses, I face a crisis in New Taku.”  _ A crisis you say?  _ “I’m for sending in the Imperial Army” was my involuntary reaction to half a hundred battles and who knows how many kills. “I’m with Kyoshi. He’s an Imperial Commander before all. Except as Consort. Right Kyoshi?” I didn’t think about that statement, I just said “Yes” because if I am not loyal to my Empress, then what’s the precedence for others to be? 

“No, no” the Avatar raised his hands defensively. “No Army. No. That’d escalate it.” _ I live for a few things, not counting Toph or my Empire, one of them is putting on an Imperial Helmet and charging forward for my Empress and for my Empire _ . “Then what are you gonna do? Hug ‘em all?” the Empress asked, serious in tone, while she left her hands on her thighs. The Avatar was taken aback, his girlfriend was quite  _ forward _ . “That’s insulting!” I laughed. “Insulting? Meet the Empress. She’s actually, provably, the best person in all Four Nations.”  _ Stop grinning Toph. This is also one of my jobs _ .  _ Stop… or… don’t stop grinning _ . Toph’s beaming grin inadvertently made  _ me  _ smile. 

The Avatar, being an airbender, tried another direction. “We’ve got a large number of blacksmiths who are against… some of the motions the Business Council has pushed.”  _ Well? They can just bring their hammers down on the lot of them.  _ “What’s the problem exactly?” I asked, because sadly I don’t speak vague dribbles. “The Business Council is centralizing all industries and that would drive the blacksmiths out of jobs. But they and the People’s Council are holding back. I came to Ba Sing Se to request advice in how the capital, known for its social divides, handles the requests of noblemen and peasants at the same time.” He even offered a bow. An Air Nomad bow. How nice of him. 

“Do you want the truth? Ask Kyoshi.” and she punched me in the arm.  _ Ow. That’s the one you squeezed. Be fair and hit the other?  _ “Do you want to hear the truth, Avatar? You might have to get your sword bloody first.” The surprising break from formality came in the tune of Toph snickering uncontrollably. I thought long. And I thought hard. And I remembered where Toph’s mind is  _ normally  _ at, not counting training or walks.  _ Bloody.  _ “Your Majesty, just because a really bad parody of me is on stage doing just that while professing such… doesn’t mean-” she cut me off. “-It does! It does! It does! It does! Doesn’t it, Kyoshi?”  _ I… Now I need a whiskey. Congratulations.  _ “It does,” I said like an exhausted pillow. Credit to us, our opponents, Twinkletoes and Lady Fuzzy Britches,  _ I hope she never learns Pu-On Tim’s use for those two names, oh by Kyoshi _ , were too busy being an airbender and a ‘I want to marry a airbender’ waterbender to understand the dirty,  _ ha, we’re the Earth Empire, we like dirt _ , insights we happen to have. 

“In Ba Sing Se, the peasants don’t really have a say. And neither do the nobles. You know who  _ does _ ?” The two of them watched me with anticipation as if I was about to pull the greatest scam of all time. But, in reality, I just subverted their expectations then subverted them again and pointed at the Empress. “Her Imperial Majesty has a say. Whoever Her Imperial Majesty dictates ‘a say’ to get ‘a say’. Otherwise everyone else is just everyone else. They’re free to do what they want, but they have little say in the government’s business. It keeps us tight and keeps everything simple. Who cares what some illiterate farmer has to say?” 

_ I mean, I care, but he knows about as much about ruling as I do about courting women.  _ “That farmer is a citizen of the Empire!” the Avatar, ever the populist, said. “ _ And _ ?” the two of us said at the same time. “He’s got a right to-” but the Empress verbally knocked him out of the sky like a surface-to-air rock. “Just like you, he has no right to speak.” The Avatar raised a finger. Then lowered it. He raised it again. And lowered it again.  _ Poor Avatar. All that exercise must hurt since you never really do any of it anyways because you can just bend your way around _ .

“I need an answer.” he said in a pleading tone. _Very unbecoming of an Avatar_. “And I need an heir! I don’t _see_ my Consort working on it!” the Empress said in a fake plead, including hands thrust at the sky for dramatic purposes. “We all want things and we never get them” was how I concluded the two in a way that was respectful to both. _Oh, and whiskey, except Toph’s not serious. He wanted an answer?_ _Fine_. 

“The People’s Council might know a bit better. The blacksmiths should keep their businesses. People need jobs to pay for them and their… people. Removing their jobs will make people starve. And sure, we’re in the Empire where thousands starve a year, but that’s thousands of millions. Not thousands of tens of thousands.”  _ The People’s Council doesn’t know better. Knowing the Avatar they’re run by a couple of drunks who were voted in for being ‘Top Pu-On Tim actor’ or ‘Best drinker’ or ‘Best late-night singer’ or ‘Slept with the most women…’ ‘and or men’ or whatever else a bunch of illiterate people think qualifies as being a good trait of rule. The population is always stupid.  _

“What other conclusions can Your Earthlinesses help me draw?” he asked with the kind of blind optimism that made me wonder if he listened to anything we said earlier. “The Business Council is led by an evil man. I hope you recognize that.” I paused to think because  _ there’s so much stupid to think of _ . “The Air Acolytes need to be fixed. They’re mostly criminals passing for not criminals.”  _ Another pause to catch my breath _ . “And New Taku is part of the Empire and you have no right, unless you’ve got Her Imperial Majesty’s blessing-” “-Ha!-” Toph laughed, “-to change it.  _ Got it _ ?” The Avatar nodded. Toph got up and walked to the door. I followed her. “Thank you both. It was a very productive time. I’ll… be hanging around Ba Sing Se for a few-”  _ slam. _

Once outside, a hundred Imperial Guards dropped into kowtows for the Empress. She marched up to Lord Qiangyang. I called out to her “What’s your pick next, Toph? Drinks or mud baths?” “What’s  _ your  _ pick?” she shouted, turning around to face me. “I’m a tree,” I professed. “And I’m blind,” and she waved her hand in front of her eyes. “Drinking solves everything…” I joked. “Let’s go to the tavern!” she yelled, running up to me to take my hand. “To meet the peasants?” “You mean my loyal citizens?” “Yeah.” 

And so… she took my hand and led us off to an evening of good fun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time... a fire starts in a land far from Ba Sing Se.  
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -The chapter's title, explained: The Avatar is blind to many of the events Mori has lived through, including things as recent as the ambush at the beginning of this chapter!  
> -It is unknown if "elbowing a spearhead off" is possible, it's also possible that Mori imagined that and did something else. He is telling these events in the past tense, so the truth might be a bit different.  
> -Normally in fiction, characters have scars for the sake of brooding over or to look 'cool'. Mori has them because reality ensues when getting into so many fights against weapons designed to maim or kill. He never brings them up unless it's to drive home a point, or more often, make fun of his experiences.  
> -The Avatar and Katara are, all in all, quite sheltered people. The things Mori has to deal with they don't have to deal with.  
> -Mori's anger comes from how hypocritical and naive the Avatar and his friends are despite being, well, the Avatar and friends.  
> -Aang's 'Avatar promise' and "to fight the pollution" are taken from the comics. In this case, he's even less assertive than in those comics, since he never had the hardiness training from Toph.  
> -The Business Council is from Imbalance.   
> -The People's Council is an attempt to have a 'democratic' council of commoners. It goes about as well as all early attempts at 'true' democracy go.  
> -The blacksmiths are against the Business Council due to their personal support of Toph. Why? Toph's a metalbender and has a vested interest in blacksmiths.


	87. The Makapuan War Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Real, hard, action is taken against the Air Acolytes.  
> Out in the Makapuan Mountains, a war begins.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Three:

“The Avatar does not trust the forces of the Dai Li. His followers feign innocence. Soon, they will turn on all of you and eliminate the last bastion of our cultural heritage this city has! Our move today is one of either victory, or death.” I stopped the speech and gave a single back-pace to allow the Head of the Dai Li to step forward. It was an afterthought that the catacombs would echo with such an intensity as if to make my voice all encompassing. It’d echo to make me sound far louder and more imposing than I actually am. The Head of the Dai Li stepped forward. His voice was the exact same as usual, but I would say that’s what made it all the more unsettling.

“This move must be silent and precise. Excluding His Imperial Majesty personally, nobody else knows of this plan. And nobody  _ is  _ to know of this plan. The  _ entire  _ Acolyte Corps must be taken out, simultaneously, before the Avatar begins his audit. Capture them all. There’s a couple hundred living not-imprisoned members scattered throughout the city and there’s a couple thousand of us. Any who you cannot capture, kill. His Imperial Majesty has expectations of success-” and the pacing commander pointed with an open rock glove palm at me, “-fail him and you will be executed.” Then the Head of the Dai Li stopped. “Do I make myself clear, agents?”

“Yes, Commander!” the crowd boomed in eerie synchronization. I gulped from the tension. “I  _ said _ , do I make myself-” and he stomped the ground with a single footfall, shaking the ground beneath us, “- _ clear _ ?” “Yes, Commander!” the thousand strong formation standing in our presence repeated. “Very good.” He turned towards me, I gave a head nod,  _ there’s nothing else to discuss _ , and he turned around to face the force once last time. 

“Dismissed!” This whole motivational speech was more a formality than anything else. Most of these men knew what needed to be done without a command. The thousand men, in a choreographed precision, heel-turned to the right before walking out, hands tucked in their sleeves. They appeared more like ghastly black phantoms than real people underneath the glow of the crystals. But maybe, that’s the point for all this. They’re  _ supposed  _ to look like phantoms. Phantoms that come in the darkness. Mimics of the shadows.  _ They are not the true darkness, but what hides in the darkness. I’ve seen the real darkness.  _

Once the agents left, it ended up just being the two of us in this massive underground cavern. “Your Majesty, may I make a recommendation?” the stone-voiced man asked. I led him towards the entrance we used. “Of course, Commander.” “Your Majesty, while I have no doubt that my agents will see this done…” he took a brief pause to catch his breath, “...if we can distract the Avatar for long enough, then we will ensure total victory.”  _ Distract the Avatar? You mean in a punchy punch sense? Or… no. You mean… no.  _

“You’re proposing that I distract him, aren’t you?”  _ I don’t want to speak to that man.  _ He tipped his hat forward. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he said, neutral in tone. “Why me?” He stopped to  _ stomp, stomp, press  _ and the rock wall opened to reveal the secret passage we used to get here. “Because Your Majesty has the steadfast resolve needed to face the Avatar.”  _ I have steadfast resolve?  _ I gave a single loud “Ha!” from the disbelief.  _ I don’t have that steadfast resolve, I’m quick to anger.  _ He kept on in defense of his claim. “Your Majesty is the only person who knows of this plan. Your Majesty is the only person who knows what we will lose if this fails.” 

_ Yeah, the Avatar discovers that we’re not such nice people, I don’t know how he didn’t realize that from my kill count alone but alright, and starts some stupid uprising against us because he has the foresight of a man about to eat a ballista bolt from behind _ . “Will I have…”  _ why do I have to phrase it like this? _ , “...backup?” The Head of the Dai Li grabbed a crystal lantern to carry while we climbed up these dark dank stairs. “I can send anything Your Majesty would need for the purpose of distracting the Avatar. Short of Her Imperial Majesty, that is.” “No, no…”  _ Toph really, really, doesn’t want to talk to her father’s best friend _ … “...I could do with some…” and I took some time to think about it. 

_ What does the Avatar like?  _ “What does the Avatar  _ like _ ?” He coughed. “Stupid musical instruments and idealistic nonsense that even my son would find ridiculous?”  _ I don’t know your son that well, but he sounds smart _ .  _ Isn’t he like ten?  _ “No, I meant...well…”  _ well…  _ “...he  _ does  _ like that. But material goods we can bribe him with until all his friends are dead.” His hat turned slightly towards me. “Your Majesty means captured, right?” “I mean, anyone involved in breaking the ethics of my ancestor will be punished fairly. And I’ll turn a blind eye to any… accidents… that result from some of these ‘peaceful’ Acolytes demonstrating martial strength or fighting back. The innocent ones aren’t going to fight.” I spotted that thin smile on his lips. “Very good, Your Majesty.”  _ Very good indeed _ . 

“Anyways...for the Avatar… I…” I had to guess, “...I think he likes obsessing over little trinkets of his people?” The Commander pulled on his thin beard. “You mean the airbender relics? We’ve got them over in Research and Development. I’d have to repurpose them from His Highness, the Mechanist’s warehouse and… as much as the Dai Li are allowed to do that, I would recommend against this, Your Majesty.”  _ Wait, what? Dai Li showing restraint? I didn’t know the Dai Li even cared to show such restraint.  _ “Why show restraint?” I asked, not faking a curious tone.

“Because that’s Imperial property, Your Majesty. And if the Avatar learns, or perhaps relearns since he posed an inquiry some time ago before we led him on a wild duck-goose chase across the steppe lands of the west, that we possess ‘his’ people’s relics in our possession, he’ll demand we hand them over.”  _ Right, this is why you’re the Head of the Dai Li.  _ “And we won’t budge” I said, as if I spoke for the ‘we’ of the Dai Li. 

“No, Your Majesty. We’re forbidden from budging. That’s Imperial property, not the Avatar’s. There’s little, if anything, that is in his possession that is actually  _ his _ . His house is property of the Empire, but we give it to him as a courtesy. His furniture is ours, his scrolls is ours, his ink is ours, his fancy clothes are ours, and those bedsheets are ours.”  _ Uhh... _ “I don’t know what the bedsheets have to do with anything, Commander, but I agree.” 

“Very good, Your Majesty. So...do we agree? A distraction for the Avatar while the Dai Li execute Kyoshi’s will?”  _ Stop, you’re making me want to smile… Kyoshi would be proud. We’re not harming the Avatar, we’re destroying a corrupt organization _ . “Of course we agree.”  _ I don’t want to, but that might be the only way _ . “And I’ll do it, myself. I mean-” I staggered, “-I’ll distract him… myself. Just give me a few agents should I need some-” the door opened, revealing that we were somewhere in the Imperial Palace Grounds but not at either of the Courtyards. “ _ -entertainment _ .” The head of the Dai Li gave me a formal bow. “It shall be done, Your Majesty.” 

Noting some attendants walking nearby, I made sure to, at the last moment, change my departing courtesy. “Ten Thousand Years to you, Commander. May the Dai Li be as silent, precise and deadly, as their intention.” “Ten Thousand Years to Your Majesty as well. Feared, not deadly. And they will. Oh, they  _ will _ ” he bowed in the Dai Li style to me, rose, and we turned in opposite directions and departed.

The fine morning air was still cool. The summertime noon would be coming, but for the next few  _ dian  _ it’d be the perfect kind of cool to go out for a run in. Not that I would want to sweat my Imperial Armor. Why Imperial Armor? Was  _ I  _ about to march off against the Acolytes? No, but the Head of the Dai Li, along with others, recommended it for today. ‘To show off to the Avatar’ is not the best reasoning, but it’ll do. And, more importantly, it’s due to the amount of assassination attempts I’ve recently faced. With the wonderful blue-tinted armor came my favorite scabbard for my favorite meteorite  _ jian _ . 

None of my companions had come along. Zhu was explicitly told against joining me while I ‘reviewed the Dai Li’, besides today he was going to go practice all day with his adopted father. Nan was tired. The Empress was suffering from a headache, who knew drinking all the whiskey you could take wouldn’t bode well for her. At least it meant she wasn’t… well I can’t say ‘sad’, but at least she wasn’t busy thinking about her father’s best friend hanging out in his own guest residence. So… she was sleeping… ‘peacefully’, albeit with a headache. I had reassured her the previous night, we had one of those late night ‘I give Toph a hair massage’ conversations, and she went to sleep thinking of that and not… well… her father’s new best friend.

In other words, it was meant to be just me. And soon enough, some Imperial Guards who had been on patrol spotted me, kowtowed, and requested that I receive  _ some  _ bodyguards. “Your Majesty, bodyguards are always helpful” and comments like that. I replied that “I’m fine, and you two have to patrol. The Imperial Palace Grounds are safer for every man that patrols it.”  _ No, that doesn’t make much sentence sense. I wasn’t exactly planning the statement _ . The two weren’t about to tell me I was wrong, also they legally couldn’t. So they didn’t. I encountered a similar problem over the next couple of  _ fen  _ and time and time again told the men to not join me. Finally, who knows how long later, I got to the Imperial Courtyards through a side path. The Ministers were inside, Morning Court was in the process of beginning, but I was  _ far _ from alone.

A seemingly endless convoy of trucks were parked in the Inner and Outer Courtyards. And they were all driven by the same person. The same conical hats tipped far enough forward that their eyes are barely visible, if visible at all. This endless convoy was joined by cries of “Go! Go! Go! Go!” from someone with a strong young voice, from somewhere. There’s no crosswalks to cross in the Palace Grounds, so I just waited until one of the trucks speeding by noticed the blue tree man and came to a full stop to let me cross. I didn’t bow to them. They didn’t bow to me. I knew  _ exactly  _ where the hundred truck fleet of the Dai Li was going, and I knew why they needed all those trucks. After I crossed the street, I came upon a man who didn’t know this. A man in orange robes and casually holding his staff shaft.

“Your Earthliness!” he beamed like a new day.  _ I’m going to beam you in the face for making my Empress cry yesterday. Oh did she cry. After we left you and before we got to the tavern, she cried _ . “Yes, my Earthliness. A good morning would be enough,” I said it in a bored dismissive tone. “Good morning!”  _ Oh...Kyoshi. I regret this instantly _ . “Where are all these trucks going?” he asked, and to help me  _ see _ , he pointed at one such truck as it sped down the main aisle and out the South Gate.  _ They’re going off to ensure that all your followers are given the justice we give to the rest of our citizens and any foreigners who enter the city. They’re going off to make sure these people know Kyoshi’s Ethics. Or, let’s be fair, they’re going off to eliminate your nonsensical terrorist organization before it kills us all with stupid. And Ukano Specials. And more stupid. _

“They’re going off on military drills, Your Eggliness.” “Egg… I’m not an egg!” the egg insisted, sounding like an  _ annoyed  _ egg. I calmly refuted him with “Well I’m not an ‘Earthliness’ either.” But, like a distracted child, he went back to watching this convoy drive past us. “Why aren’t they bowing to you?” I didn’t even need to swivel my head around to confirm that. “Because they’re busy,” I said, again, in a bored tone. “But everyone bows to you.” “Avatar, I know this sounds crazy, but-”  _ no, idiot, you can’t say ‘when you’re out on campaign’ because he might have enough intellect to figure that out. Or… no, he won’t, but he’ll be annoying about campaigns and why killing people is bad or something. Right, right, of course, I’ll just tell all the assassins to go home politely _ .  _ I’ll tell all the rebels to politely put down their plowshares and be nice _ . “-but they are too busy to bow.”  _ There we go.  _

“Why are they too busy?” he bounced around me like… well… an airbender. “Because they’re going off to drill.” “With trucks?”  _ No, with rock gloves. They’re going to practice on the Acolytes _ .  _ You… don’t even deserve this conversation… for making my Toph cry.  _ “Yes, with trucks. They need to deliver all these trucks to people who need trucks.” “Who needs trucks?” he wondered, spinning his staff around and planting it in the ground. “The kind of people who need trucks, that’s who needs trucks.”  _ I can also play the airbender evade mentality.  _

His tone became one of a frustrated child. “Why don’t you know?” I tried to roll my one good eye and  _ succeeded _ .  _ Yes. Go me _ . “Because I’m the Emperor. I don’t run everything in the Empire. I’ve barely enough time to…”  _ quick, think of what you don’t have time for,  _ “...bastard-making?”  _ There we go. All the Empress’s wit has rubbed onto you like all the dirt she rubs onto you. Or… mud’s a better example, since mud baths are a popular -and only- option for ‘showers’ within the Empress’ company.  _ “What’s-” I instantly cut him off. “Don’t ask. It’s like bread-making, but it’s not bread-making.” “Then what’s-” I cut his interested self off, again.

“When you’re a monarch and male and have like a thousand concubines but most of them aren’t officially concubines, then they have children, those children aren’t as legitimate. The number of not-concubine concubines don’t count. It’s the action. And… since male monarchs can get whatever they want, they tend to get a lot of what they want.” Instead of asking anything intelligent, or using some nuance to figure out what I was saying, he asked “Why only male?” “Well… women don’t have the ability to spread the joy around.” The Avatar had no idea what I was talking about. And neither did I.  _ Yes, of course female monarchs can, but that’s like… rare? I don’t know, I’m educated by folktales and Pu-On Tim for such matters. And Suki _ .  _ I suppose a female monarch could have dozens of partners, but she’s always going to be the legitimate one, the child’s always going to be born within the confines of the Imperial Palace. It’s only her partner that’d be unknown. Since…besides, she can’t hide a pregnancy from all the courtiers and attendants and servants and, Spirits help us all, Imperial Infirmary workers. _

I was pulled out of my thinking by his large Ty Lee-esque eyes. “Let’s drink tea. Like world leaders and tree-people like to do” and I took the Avatar and started pushing him towards his own house. Well it’s not his house, it’s his temporary residence as long  _ as he maintains an alliance with the Empire _ .  _ It’s not actually his, is it _ . “Get out of the way!” some genius somewhere yelled, causing me to turn around and notice that one of the trucks blew a tire.  _ Oh good. Imperial engineering at it’s finest _ . It blew a tire and the bottom right of the vehicle melted into the ground, when it tipped over a bit.  _ I’m glad metal can melt like that _ .  _ I’m glad the trucks are made of… what, sheet metal? Are we really skimping on the resources? No… wait of course we are, that's how we can build a million of these things. Not actually a million… yet _ .  _ We’ll get there _ . The Avatar turned to watch this performance, too.

The Dai Li are known to be quiet types. Which is why someone yelling “Move it over!” is awkward for all parties. That said, they are metalbenders and if not that, then they can just earthbend the truck over. That’s what they did, raising a plate of earth and physically pushing the truck off to the side before lowering the plate and flattening the ground. The Avatar said a statement fueled by childlike amazement, “I didn’t know they could metalbend! We should hire them for the New Taku Police!”  _ Right… like we’d hand over that secret. Metalbending secret police only, thanks _ . Then the rest of the convoy carried on driving.  _ As long as the Avatar maintains an alliance,  _ I thought earlier _. Considering where those trucks are going, it’s not going to be for long _ . 

I turned around and the Avatar fell to my unrelenting pushing and went back inside his house.  _ I’m good at it. I’ve been pushed around by this sack of grain sized person forever, I have to learn to push back. Well, ‘pushed around’ implies I don’t like being pushed around. It’s wrestling, and wrestling requires pushing. And pushing against a prodigy of an earthbender is… about as easy as it sounds. Still love every miao of it. Totally bonkers _ .  _ Speaking of bonkers _ …

“Welcome to my humble little home” the Avatar welcomed me inside like I  _ wasn’t  _ just there yesterday. That was when I noticed the Avatar was extra-jumpy, which...well he’s an airbender, but still. “You’ve got some extra kick in your step today, how come?” He then hopped across the room and over to the kitchen to retrieve some tea.  _ Your house smells far too… flower-scented for a house of a prestigious world leader. I mean, I sleep in a bedroom that smells like incense, so who am I to judge? Wait no I’m the Emperor I’m going to judge as I wish _ .  _ And also, the Empress’s bedroom isn’t as… thick in incense, Toph would never allow it. The Palace, on the other hand is.  _

“I…” but he was too busy caught in a moment of embarrassment.  _ No, wait, a blush _ .  _ Okay, blush all you want _ . “Do I want to know, Avatar?” I’d roll my good eye if I wasn’t as affixed on how he gracefully skipped and jumped across the room to grab the most basic of supplies, barely if ever using his legs. And when not skipping, he’d airbend a dish over, then wash it with waterbending and dry it with the reddened palms of an adequate firebender. “I… have my reasons.” He sounded so innocent. “Reasons for being extra jumpy today?” “Yes. Let’s leave it at that?”  _ ‘that’ but sounding like a question.  _ “As my Empress would say, ‘nah’. I’m not going to ‘leave it’. What got you so happy?”  _ You look like how I feel when I just won a siege with a reasonably small number of casualties and a reasonably satisfying number of people to have trained my blade on _ . “I… reasons.” 

The Avatar’s vagueness was something to behold. As was his tea-making skills. “Did you do something for yourself instead of for the Four Nations for once? Indulge in your own interests?” “No…?” _No… pause?_ “Did you get smashed?” I _really_ felt the Empress’s nonsense coursing through my veins. I gave the Avatar a proper nod. “Good for you, Twinkletoes! You’ve really outdone yourself if so!” He looked at the floor, which only made me notice how shiny his egg-head was. _Someone took a nice long shower._ “I didn’t drink.” he raised his hand. “Air Nomad customs-” I cut him off, uninterested in his lecture. “Yeah, yeah, and flight used to be impossible unless you were an airbender with a glider, or riding a sky bison, or riding a dragon.” 

“ _ I don’t drink! _ ” the man summoned his inner firebender to make the pot of boiled water turn into steam. Then he turned the steam back into water with waterbending. “I… _ can you not ask? Can we not talk about it? _ ” I almost felt bad for his  _ desperate  _ attempt to hide…  _ something _ . I didn’t know what.  _ Again, I’m the Emperor. I’ll ask as I wish _ .“No. I can ask. And I will.” “I  _ could  _ kick you out of my house,” he professed, trying to sound… serious, I guess. I sighed. “I could kick you out of the Empire. Let’s call it even.” The Avatar didn’t push back in any regard. But I sure pushed forward. 

“So you didn’t finally sip alcohol. Did you indulge in cactus juice?”  _ If so, then… I feel bad for everyone else in your company. Cactus juice… is one potent substance. _ “No,” he said it sharply and quickly.  _ Stop sounding so dismayed by my requesting _ . “What did you do then? I  _ know  _ you did something and I’ve got all day to figure it out” and I tapped the table repeatedly, trying to figure it out.  _ I wasn’t, I’ve no idea what it was _ .

“I won’t tell you.” I raised my finger and declared “That’s an admission of something!”  _ Ooh. How juicy. Like a hippo-cow steak. Let’s find out.  _ “What was it?” I asked.  _ I’ll just take a guess, since it’s not drinking _ . “Was it the kind of thing that would let people cash out bets in the Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool?” “What’s that?” he sounded like he could figure it out, but he lacked the courage or capacity to. “I don’t know. The organization has four words and they’ve each got definitions.” My loud sarcasm flew over his head. “I…”  _ stop blushing.  _ “You…” and I waved my hands around to try to make him go forward. “What’s going on here?” came a new voice. 

And such emerged a woman wearing a towel with her hair down and long and undone and wet because she probably just walked out of a shower. Which is where people get towels from.  _ Or a hot spring, but you strike me as being too uptight for Kyoshi Island. You’re too cold _ . When she noticed me and my one eye and my entire military getup,  _ I don’t know which, maybe all of them at once _ , she yelled “Ahh! What are  _ you  _ doing here?” and almost dropped the towel. Almost. No, wait, that’s one of those tieable towels,  _ no problem _ . “What am I doing here? I’m doing it here. That’s what I'm doing here” and I crossed my arms. “But… I’m wearing a towel!” she screeched like an embarrassed…  _ well she’s right to be embarrassed. _

“And oftentimes,-” I began, trying to console her “-I walk into my own bedroom and try to change into my day clothes, only for the ruler of a nation of millions to crash through my wall and stand there. And I’m without pants during those moments. How do you think I feel? Also embarrassed.” “But… what if you’re-” I interrupted her desperate tone. “What? Looking at you in some manner I shouldn’t? The Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool has your fantasies taken care of, trust me.” and I sipped a cup of water, just water, that the Avatar sent over to me with airbending.  _ For being annoying, he’s hospitable. Credit to him _ . 

“What’s that?” she asked, trying to roll the words off in a poor attempt to copy how I said it.  _ Are you as thick as your boyfriend?  _ “Four words.” Realizing that she can’t stump the wood,  _ er, tree _ , she went on to request “Can you… knock before you enter?” To which I looked at the door, looked back at her and her sopping wet self, looked at the Avatar, looked at her hair, looked back at the door, got up, walked to it, knocked on it, turned around, and sat back down. To conclude all this, I got up and sat down on the green cushioned couch that is also not theirs.

“I’m in a living room. I’m not invading your personal washroom or bedroom.” “But it’s... it’s… it’s… it’s… _fine_!” she waved her hands about with vigor. And gave up. And stormed around the corner, only to be greeted by a young man about her height, _I forgot how much you’ve grown, Egg_. The two called each other by a very oogie-name, so oogie that I dare not mention it. _It’s too oogie for me_. All that needs to be said is when I heard it, then saw the two exchange one of those ‘person contacts their lips with the other person’s cheek’ moves, _we know them as a ‘kiss’, in their case, one where they longing embrace_ , I know full well I would’ve spewed water from my mouth had I not already long-past swallowed it. The wide-one-eye expression of mine helped emphasize it. 

Katara, being Katara, spotted this from her periphery and tried her best to make a joke of it. “What, has the ruler of the Empire never seen two people be affectionate?” I tried to raise my hand in protest, but she kept going. “Don’t you have an Empress? Don’t tell me you’ve never been affectionate?”  _ Affectionate?  _ “I’ll make your pretty blues  _ affectionate  _ with my fist, if that’s your preference?” and I wagged my fist. Katara chuckled.  _ Note, Katara laughing is a strange sight to beheard.  _ “I was just asking. Don’t tell me you’ve never been affectionate!” “Her Imperial Majesty and I share a sort of companionship that you will never understand.” 

She heard what she wanted. “Then you can’t make fun of us kissing!” _Oh…_ I pointed at the two of them. “Yes I can. Because that ‘affection’ is gross and oogies.” She huffed in… _fury?_ _Emotional instability? Annoyance? Who knows_. “You’re telling me you’ve never shared a loving kiss with your beloved?” Credit to Katara, her nonsense was so nonsense she made the Avatar look a bit… aback. I pointed at myself. “Do I _look_ like I share ‘loving kisses with my beloved’?” and I grimaced. 

“Yes!”  _ I just… I don’t want to be here. Too stupid. Need whiskey.  _ “Why don’t you try them sometime?” she asked it at the same time as Aang choosing  _ now  _ to slink off into somewhere else, clearly embarrassed by his girlfriend acting… well I don’t know if ‘mature’ is the right word. She’s acting like  _ something _ .  _ And the Avatar, the Avatar, nation-ender, dynasty-trimmer Avatar… had to leave because of it _ . 

“ _ No _ ,” I enunciated the word. “Why not?” “ _ No _ ,” again, enunciated. “But they’re fun” and she put her hands on her hips. “ _ No _ .” “It’s a very sweet thing to do to the person you care about.” And she smiled, clearly referring to herself.  _ “No _ .” “But don’t you love your-” I pulled on the skin on my face and tried to tear it off. “We in the Empire have a different sort of affection.” “The Empire’s weird,” she was saying all this while drying her hair.  _ With a towel? Do you not waterbend your own hair?  _

“The Empire isn’t weird. It’s the Empire.”  _ I know, what a good counterpoint _ . “Maybe if you had a few loving kisses once in a while, you wouldn’t be such a grump.”  _ A grump?  _ “My lady, did you just call me ‘a grump?’” She snickered, covering her mouth with her hand so I wouldn’t see her laughing as hard as she did. “Yeah! You’re always so grumpy!” I squinted back at her. “I am  _ not  _ grumpy.” “I could set the two of you up on a date or something! It’d be sweet! You two monarchs need to spend more time being adorable together!” I don’t know Lady Katara that well, but I have a hunch that if she’s like  _ this _ … well… I’m glad I don’t know her that well.  _ Small side note, I really, really, want a whiskey right about now. I also want to fall over. This is ridiculous and then some _ .

“What is with you and trying to encourage people to love one another even if they’re fine as they are?” I asked this while getting up and taking a seat at the dining table. “It’s nice to see people being in love, don’t you think so Aang?” and she spun around to… search for the Avatar. He had vanished, as Avatars seem to be doing as of late, so she turned back to look at me. “I’ll be happy to set up a date between you two if you want! With candles and everything! Zuko and Mai are going off on something like that right now, in fact!”

_ Oh. Oh. I see. You’ve said something I’m interested in _ .  _ And no, it’s not a date. The Empress and I care for one another… in our own way, thank you _ . “Zuko and Mai...what? Are going off to… what?” The Avatar returned into the kitchen, grabbed the tea cups, pitcher and tray and brought them over to me and my table. With precise airbending. After doing this, he offered a question, “Would you like some tea?”, to his girlfriend. She smiled, opened her mouth, and he drew one hand up to pull a stream of tea out of the pitcher before slowly moving his other hand towards her in the ‘drawing water from well’ hand-motion technique, and sure enough, sending the water into her mouth. Katara gave him a very happy smile while sloshing the tea around in her mouth. Then, probably to show off his powers, he air-hopped over Katara and back to me and the tea table. He used waterbending to pull tea out of the tea pitcher and put it into his cup. Being a nonbender, I was more content to take the pitcher itself and pour me some tea. It takes more effort, sure, but it’s also more rewarding to work for things. 

I thought to refocus the discussion to where I wanted it to be. “So where are the Fire Lord and Fire Lady going?” I cupped the teacup in my hands while watching the egg’s reflective head. “Taizigou. I heard there’s no nights that far north during the summer!”  _ Taizigou?  _ “But… Taizigou is half spruce forest and half tundra with peat bogs.” The Avatar nodded along like those two things were the most attractive features a piece of land could have.  _ Okay, I agree, spruce forests are the best forests and tundra with forests is also nice. But still _ .  _ There’s a difference between genuine love of a certain, let’s say, kind of forest and climate combination, and a fake nod of someone who thinks it’s interesting _ . 

“How did they find that place?” I asked, pretending to be an idiot.  _ He has a dragon _ . “Katara found it on a map and we asked around and it seems like a very nice place to go camping.”  _ ‘It seems like a nice place to go camping’.  _ “I don’t…”  _ where do I even begin? _ , “...I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone want to go camping in a land where it never, you know, gets dark. It’s hard to camp… with no darkness.”  _ Wait, wait, wait, wait.  _

I pointed an accusatory finger at the airbender. “Do Air Nomads not go camping?” “We do. We used to go during our festivals.” “And I take it those were meditative camping sessions?” He gave a longing smile, probably for a society and way of life that’s been dead for a hundred years.  _ It won’t be returning, if your best friend the former Lord of Gaoling has his way _ . “They were.  _ They were _ .”  _ Yup _ .  _ I was right _ .

“Well-” I sipped some tea before placing the cup back on the table, “-camping requires nighttime.” “Katara thought it would be a nice place to go.” Then his voice became much happier in tone, “Just imagine! A day with no night for a season!”  _ I can imagine it. We had something like that on Kyoshi Island, except the mountains blocked most of the low Sun’s track across the sky _ . _ And it was only two months, give or take a week _ . I offered this: “It sounds like a novelty.” 

Then it hit me. _Vacation. Vacation that isn’t in Ba Sing Se._ An insane idea. “Why don’t you and Katara go up there?” And, and… after the Avatar looked into my good eye, he put the teacup down and a bit of excitement grew on his face. “That’s… that’s a wonderful idea!” _Good. You do that_. “It _is_ a wonderful idea. I’ve been to Taizigou.” _For like… half a day._ “I can tell you all about it.” _The ‘it’ being what I saw from a monorail line and what I saw while rolling around on the grass with Suki like a pair of Kyoshi Islander siblings having some fun. I miss Suki…_

“Oh? Please do! Please do!” his begging face matched his words.  _ Don’t roll your good eye at all the nonsense _ .  _ I didn’t _ . “It’s got some trees in the western, southwestern and southern parts of the commandery and the northeastern coast is almost entirely just tundra. Between the two the forests thin out. There’s probably a few creeks that worm their way through the forests and towards the coast. The tundra is full of small ponds. There’s a commandery capital town, it’s quite… nice. Real coastal town with coastal sights and… lots of windswept land.”  _ Oh yeah, keep going. You’re impressing him. Just keep making up vague comments.  _ “It’s quite cold in winter and moderately warm in the summer. And… yeah, there’s never ending days for some amount of time around the solstice.” 

“So, would Your Earthliness recommend it? Any sights to see?”  _ Oh yeah, of course _ .  _ I’d recommend anywhere.  _ “It’s a very nice place to visit. Yes, I recommend it!” I nodded furiously. “Has a lot of history, too. You might be able to commune with the Spirits of past Sikuk Chiefs who fought the locals hundreds of years ago.” The Avatar made that ‘oooh, I’m interested’ noise. “Thanks, Your Earthliness! I’ll ask Katara!”  _ Your optimism is… something else _ .

Once again, I was greeted with the Avatar’s girlfriend returning to the table. This time she was dressed in that blue kimono-tunic underclothing that she’s always worn. Also this time, she had the distinctive hair loopies that are about as much of a defining character trait of hers as my missing eye is mine. I guess.  _ Or maybe my queue? Auburn hair?  _ Also, she was wearing that necklace that…  _ has she worn that necklace before? It’s not the same necklace as she’s worn before, but… why am I focusing so hard on it? Why do I care? It’s a new necklace, so what?  _ I focused so hard on it that she… well must’ve mistaken my looking. 

“What  _ are  _ you looking at?” she crossed her arms over her chest to… intimidate me?  _ Really?  _ This made the Avatar turn towards me as well. “I’m looking at that necklace. It’s a nice necklace.” The Avatar gave me a bow. “Thank you, I made it myself!” Then he was a recipient of his girlfriend’s compliments. “It’s very pretty,” and I predicted the next part, the two calling eachother pretty. Or… synonyms of pretty. Or random compliments like that. So I stared at my hand once again while they traded kisses.  _ I need like… ten different whiskies _ . When they were done being all oogies, I could continue my distracting inquiries. 

“So, you made it for her? That’s a betrothal necklace, I take it?”  _ Of course it is. It’s got to be.  _ The Avatar’s remark says it all. “It’s not a betrothal necklace,  _ yet. _ ” He blushed. She blushed. Her remark also says it all. “He’s made me a bunch of different necklaces and I love them all.”  _ Okay so you’ve got a private jeweler. Alright then _ .  _ Back to less-oogie related activities _ …  _ please. Really, please. Back to less-oogies. Thanks _ .

“Why don’t the two of you go visit Taizigou on vacation?” Aang jumpily jumped around and over Katara, happy for the idea. Katara watched him twirl. “It sounds like a great idea!” He beamed with excitement and… jumpiness. His girlfriend blushed. “I… was hoping we’d do that, yes.”  _ Well you’re definitely bad with conveying what you think. Actually wait, don't say that the last thing we need is more of you bossing us around _ . 

While the two held their hands, I took to thinking.  _ Dongfang is also of a nice reputation, or so I’ve heard. And it’s far from Ba Sing Se _ .  _ Wait, how long did the Commander say we needed? A single day? Something like that. This is the Dai Li, knowing them they’ll be done by noon and have confessions and a full list of who knows what and who’s affiliated with who by dusk, all in time for the Commander to return home to his wife and son.  _

“I’ve got more suggestions, if you’ve got more options. How long is your vacation?” The two looked longingly with oogie desires into one another’s eyes. Then she decided to speak for the two of them. “As long as we want.”  _ Oh, very good. Who needs responsibilities? _ Truly, they were both so deeply in love with the other,  _ whatever you did last night must’ve been worth it _ , that they seemed to suddenly forget about New Taku. “Well…” I began with that sarcastic-sounding tone. “You’ve got Taizigou, then go southeast along the Sunrise Coast. The Sunrise Sea is legendary for being a great vacation destination for dozens of past Earth Kings. Some of the best kept estates are there. Since the Hundred Year War barely touched the peninsula, you’ll be able to find traditions there that are as old as you, Avatar!” Yes, that last part was a joke. Yes, but better, the Avatar laughed at it. 

“You’ll need… oh, an entire season to experience it all.”  _ A season sounds like a small amount of time, right? Enough to make these people stay away from us until the Dai Li finish their business?  _ Because I’m talking to two people who are thinking with their desires and not their heads, they followed my words along like a fish following a fishhook. “We might not have a whole season, but…” then the Avatar turned to his partner, “...what do you think, Katara?” “Do you want to go?” she nodded. “I do.” “Then we’ll go. Appa’s never been out there, so it’s new for him, too.”  _ Can you two stop holding each other’s hands? I know, I know, you’re in love. You can love someone and not be so… public about it.  _ “Then we’ll go,” Aang spoke with an ire of confidence. Whatever Katara might have said or didn’t say was interrupted and prevented by happening from the arrival of a knock at the door. 

The Avatar robbed me of my agency by saying “I’ll take it” before walking over to the door. I got up and got to the side of the room, since if this was something  _ good  _ I could step forward and be a part of it. If it was something  _ bad _ , I’d rather maximize my good eye’s sight and back away.  _ Thank you, dealing with assassins _ . He opened it and… found that it was a pair of Dai Li agents.  _ A pair of Dai Li? Dai Li? Is this what I think it is?  _

“Good morning, my fellow earthbenders!”  _ Okay that might be one of the worst possible greetings to give to anybody. _ “Your Holiness” the first stopped and the second started. “We spotted His Imperial Majesty entering these premises earlier.” Then the first spoke again. “Is His Imperial Majesty still here?” The Avatar gestured to me. “Sure, he’s right there, standing in the corner.”  _ I’m not in the corner, I’m near it. Believe me, these people take their nonsense seriously.  _ The two agents remained at the door. 

“Your Majesty!” the first said. “We have important business to discuss!” the second said.  _ Why are you two standing there?  _ “Why are you two there? Come inside.” As with before, the first spoke. “This is His Holiness’s residence” Then the second spoke. “We don’t enter it without permission.”  _ Oh you… right… _ I raised my hands and lowered them _... fine _ . I strolled over, past the doting airbender and out the door.  _ This is going to be about the Acolytes, isn’t it?  _ I leaned in to whisper to one. “Is this about today? You know, Operation...what was it you called it?”  _ Wait, wait I’ve got it _ . 

“The one named after that Prince that called for the deaths of some airbenders?”  _ Wait wait, I’ve got it.  _ “Operation  _ Chong _ .” “That is the name of today’s Operation, Your Majesty”  _ The Dai Li and their comedic sense of using history for their own humorous purposes _ . “Sorry, Your Majesty” the first whispered, “This isn’t about that” the second whispered.  _ Oh? Oh?  _ “This… then what  _ is  _ this about?” “News from the west. We’re not allowed to read it, Your Majesty” and he passed me a scroll. _ How honorable of the secret shadow assassins _ . And so I broke the seal and opened the scroll.

_ To the Council of Five, _

__

_ Takehisa’s Army routed Colonel Binshuo’s force east of Lutianzhen and sent me Binshuo’s head. We lost four thousand, he lost two or three hundred, the numbers vary. Takehisa’s new demands are for the entire town of Longmuxiang. We do not plan on conceding, but after what happened to Gongwen and Jiang, we do not have the resources to fend him off. After every battle, he is reinforced fully. We believe he’s drawing conscripts from the other rump bands. Or hiring mercenaries. Please send us reinforcements. He marches for the Makapu River as we speak. _

_ Magistrate Keizo of Gangxi. Written by the hand of the Magistrate’s regent, Yeong.  _

I rolled up the scroll and handed it to the Dai Li agents. “Nobody speaks of this. Hold this.” The two Dai Li weren’t going to break my order. A moment later, I walked back inside the Avatar’s compound and fell down against the couch.  _ Lutiannzhen? That’s the Colonies. That’s the Colonial Uplands. That’s right east of the Makapuan Mountains. Rebels in the Colonial lands? The Colonies… there’s a lot of firebenders in the Colonies. And… deserter armies? That’s what Song was talking about. No. No. If he inspires the firebenders along the coast… this could be all it takes… to start a rebellion. This could… start a war. Firebender independence. This could go bad very fast. _

I was stirred by the sensation of water against my head. I blinked my good eye and suddenly realized the Avatar’s girlfriend had her palms just off my head, applying water to it.  _ Healing _ it. “Hey, hey, thanks for the healing.” I shuffled around to regain my seating. I asked “What kind of magic water is this?” while looking at the woman and her hands and the now diminishing glow of the water. “I’ve got a couple waterskins full of spirit water from the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole.” “It… felt different.” She smiled, since I guess that was some kind of compliment to her. The Avatar’s voice appeared before he did. “That’s because Katara’s the  _ best  _ healer, right Katara?” She put the water back in the waterskin she was wearing and happily received a cheek… application of lips… by the Avatar. 

_ Anyways _ … “How are you feeling?” “I’m feeling…” I grabbed my forehead,  _ I felt a headache but now it’s gone _ . “I’m…”  _ the Colonies. This Takehisa _ . “I’m…” “You should really get some healing. Come-” and the waterbender took my hand and started pulling me after her. “-I’ve got a pool you can lie in.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Why do I need healing?” “Because you had a very bad headache. And your heart was racing. I felt it.”  _ Oh.  _ “No… no… I…”  _ the Colonies _ . “I…” she kept pulling me across the house. When we got to the washroom I finally regained some composure. “I need to...” I pulled out of her tight grip and stopped. “Dai Li! I know you’re around here! I need you  _ now _ !”  _ Don’t prove me wrong _ .

Sure enough, a pair of Dai Li came right in through a side door at the end of this hallway. “Yes, Your Majesty?” the two said at the same time. “Summon the Council of Five,  _ now _ . Take the scroll I was given and bring it! And get me my ostrich horse!” Without any question, the two bowed and declared “Right away, Your Majesty!”

Katara dragged me into the washroom and asked “What was that about?” “I need to summon the Council of Five. Personal Imperial matters.” As she prepared the tub of water,  _ do you really think I’m about to strip down and get in there? _ , the Avatar butted in in his most respectful of fashions, by suddenly appearing. “What kind of matters? The Council of Five for war, right?”  _ Oh by Kyoshi.  _ “The Council of Five is for all kinds of military  _ and  _ civil matters.”  _ That’s not totally a lie, I mean the Home Army spends most of its time in civil matters _ . 

“But you sounded panicked” the woman stirring the healing bathwater with waterbending protested. “Yes...I was panicked.”  _ No. I can’t… I can’t tell them. The Makapuan Mountains are just east of New Taku. No. I can’t tell them. I can’t _ . “So it was about a military matter?” the waterbender said, trying to conclude it. I couldn’t say no. I’d already admitted to the Council of Five. “It… was.”  _ But it doesn’t mean I can’t lie about where the matter is _ . “I’m the Avatar! It’s my job to bring peace to people! Where’s the conflict?”  _ Oh Avatar.  _ His optimism was  _ perfect _ .  _ Perfect for this _ . 

“Ever been to Huizhou?” _Okay, the ‘Histories’ will call me a liar for this. But is Huizhou never not on fire?_ The Avatar’s girlfriend reminded me “We travelled there last year, Your Majesty.” _Right, right, of course. Toph lost her vision because we were ambushed by chariots throwing Ukano Specials at our monorail. Because you were supposed to scout for us… and didn’t. Then I had to help her get that glass out by holding her down. Fun times all around._

“Well…”  _ But Huizhou is a bit too easy to cover by air _ . “...some  _ daofei  _ from Huizhou went west into the Nantu Mountains. They’re attacking towns in…”  _ quick, what’s the name of the towns east of Wahee? Beng? Peng? Weng? Wang? Wing? Weng again? Teng? Teng. Yeah. Teng. But east of there. There’s Teng, then the weird name, then...Lasala? Talasa? Talasa’s a town, right? No? Yes? Oh, try it, who cares, _ “...Talasa. It’s west of the Nantu Mountains where they curve north. Actually over there it’d be the Suxu Mountains. There… and…”  _ for good measure _ “...southeastern Teng.” The Avatar looked like he was taking mental notes with his eyes darting back and forth between my actually present eye and Katara’s and my one good eye again.

While doing all this thinking, Katara sat me down on a stool and ran her water palms over my head. It was after I said this that she said “Can you… take off the armor?”  _ The armor? Oh, it’s for protection against random accidental flying icicles. A famous problem in the middle of the summer in Ba Sing Se _ . “I… can. Yeah.” Then I started getting to work on untying knots where necessary and…  _ wait why am I doing this? She’s a healer, let her heal.  _ While I pulled my own armor off and Katara worked on helping me out of it, the Avatar tried to synthesize all of this. 

“So there’s rebels attacking this town near the mountains.” “You’re absolutely correct.”  _ He is. In simple terms, that’s what we’re facing _ .  _ Except, in classic Avatar fashion, he mistook daofei for rebels _ .  _ And… he’s completely correct, just… the wrong continent _ . Amazingly,  _ considering the implications of this _ , a smile crossed his face. “That’s no problem for me! I’ll go there and see what the rebels want. I’m sure I’ll get it resolved.”  _ I don’t want it resolved so quickly. This… this war… we need to kill everyone first _ . “I think, Avatar, it would be smarter if you travelled into the Nantu Mountains and tracked the rebels. Then… solve it.” “I’ll be happy to, Your Earthliness!” 

Of course, what the Avatar doesn’t know and I do is that the Nantu Mountains are quite unmapped. As with the Two Lovers’ and the Sky Peaks, they’re full of hidden villages and probably entire ethnic groups who are based on the environments of the mountains. As with the Two Lovers’ and most likely, the Makapuan Range, they’re likely infested with  _ daofei  _ -and aforementioned strange ethnic groups- who’ve been able to avoid the presence of law because nobody’s going to dare track them into the mountains. 

“What do you think, Katara?” and said healer paused her intricate process of weaving water around a specific spot on my chest to look over at the Avatar and his egg head. “You up for some mountain climbing?” Aside from the hilarity of two people riding a  _ sky  _ bison using the term ‘mountain climbing’, I burst into laughter for another reason.  _ Oh, if only you two lovers knew why I found that so funny _ . The waterbender had accepted that I was… I don’t know what she accepted but unless she accepts that I’m a tree she’ll have problems, but the Avatar hadn’t accepted that yet. “What’s funny about climbing a mountain?” she even raised her eyebrows in the name of inquiry. 

“It’s… just… on Kyoshi Island, we climb Mount Rangi. Named after Rangi, who Kyoshi often… well they did lots of climbing.” Neither of them understood the subtlety of that. “I’m happy to do any three hundred year old traditions! When I visit Kyoshi Island again, I’ll be sure to climb Mount Rangi!”  _ I… well… you’d be the second Avatar that climbed Mount Rangi then. And if we count Kuruk, her lineage has had three Avatars that wanted to climb Mount Hei-Ran or Mount Rangi.  _

During this, I felt a strange tingling in my chest. So I looked down and noted that Katara had made the water all weird and glowy. “ _ Why, though _ ?” Somehow she realized my vague question,  _ probably where my one eye was looking _ . “Because I’m just checking to make sure your heart doesn’t stop.”  _ But it was fine _ . “It… it was fine.” “It was, and I’m checking anyways” and she looked away from me and towards her work. The waterbender’s voice swapped to one of…  _ well, interest _ ?  _ Cheerfulness _ ? “I’m always up for some mountain climbing!” With this in mind, the Avatar asked “Any other details you can give us?”  _ Clearly, I could. Yes _ . “No. I think you should set off soon.” “Then we will” and he clenched his fist in a moment of the Avatar  _ being strong. Yes _ . 

When the waterbender finished ‘checking’ my chest,  _ note _ ,  _ I don’t feel any better or different, just that tingly sensation she made me feel with the water, _ she coiled her spirit water back into a waterskin.  _ So then what was the tub for? A bath?  _ I didn’t care to ask. I got up and offered her a bow. “Thank you for trying to help.” She smiled. “I’m happy to help.” Then, to the Avatar, who was busy collecting my armor pieces with airbending, “Set out soon.” “We will, Your Earthliness” and he handed me the whole set of armor. I was led over to a bedroom of some kind to put it on.

As I got dressed, the Avatar gathered his provisions. At one point, he shouted “Katara! Where’s Sokka?” to which the woman helping me into my armor yelled back “He’s asleep!” This sparked the Avatar’s interest in yelling, elsewhere, “Sokka! Get up! We’ve got some unhappy people to turn happy!”  _ Oh, Avatar, you’re the only person who could phrase that like that _ .  _ Credit to… you _ . Somewhere else that’s else of the else else, a young man whined “But I’m  _ tired _ .” I tied on the last of my pieces and walked out of the…  _ wait, Air Nomad stuff hanging everywhere, orange robes…  _ “Is this the Avatar’s bedroom?” “It is.”  _ Nice fancy robes for a poor man, but all right.  _ “I sleep here too, sometimes. When Sokka’s not around,” then she slammed her mouth shut as if what she just said she shouldn’t have said.  _ I see. You know what, I don’t want to know. I don’t care _ . 

I found myself back in the living room. There, the four people current inside this building, and one flying lemur, converged. “Oh, good morning Your Kingliness!” and the man with his hair still down offered me a bow.  _ Still the wrong title _ . “I’m… just going out now.”  _ What, am I supposed to strike up a conversation with you?  _ The Avatar’s best friend ran in front of me to beg. “Wait, before you go! I had a question about rulership I wanted to ask!” I groaned.  _ “Yes? What?” _ “My father recently wrote to me of the Northern Water Tribe sending the South some assistance to rebuild. But he also used to say that ‘family came first’. After being in the Northern Water Tribe and seeing how they treated my sis, I don’t know if I want those kinds of people to be ‘rebuilding’ the South. What do you think?” 

_ Your father. Your father. Hakoda. Your father. Hakoda. Your father. The man who… That man.  _ None of them knew why I sniffled a bit and suddenly had tears flowing from my good eye. None of them knew why.  _ That man.  _ “I don’t.” and I pushed my way past this man. This  _ princeling _ . But his mouth didn’t stop. “My father’s trying to get the South to be seen as an equal to the other Nations. He’s bringing troops to help New Taku!” I shoved him out of the way. “I don’t care.” and I walked right out the door. “The Empire doesn’t intervene in such business,” I said, trying,  _ trying _ , to resist declaring a duel in the name of my slain kin. 

“But…” he began. I spun around in a flash and squinted at him. “I don’t want to hear about you or your father or the Southern Water Tribe.  _ Grow up _ .” Then I spun around and grabbed my ostrich horse from the waiting Imperial Guard. I put on my helmet and yelled “Let’s go!” to the retinue of Imperial Guards. “Where are you going?” the Avatar yelled over to us. “Military drill. You’ve got a tyrant to stop, no? You should really stop this tyrant!” and I snapped my reins and galloped away.

My blue-barded ostrich horse and my armored self could confuse a passerby that I was riding off to war. No, I wasn’t. Not yet. My band of Imperial Guardsmen who accompanied me were likewise armed and armored for war. Nope. Instead, our two dozen or so riders, three mounts wide, were off for the Council Tower. With no nonsensical processions to stop us and with the best paved roads anywhere to ride on, we galloped much further than I would’ve thought in much less time than I would’ve thought. 

And the whole time, my mind was on this Takehisa person. And the land he was fighting in.  _ The lands of Makapu. A mountain range with countless unknown towns in valleys that the Empire never managed to map and the shore-based Colonials never cared to. The lands of New Taku, holy to some spiritualities for reasons lost to time. Now, they’re self-justifying. The land is holy because it is holy. The Makapuan Mountains, a curse to a dozen different invaders because the rivers and the mountains don’t have any correlations. The Makapuan Mountains, the perfect place for a deserter to rally his forces and then lead them out of the mountains and into bountiful river towns for pillaging and looting. And this might be the first time in history that we, the capital, the rulers of Ba Sing Se, could feasibly end this problem. Once and for all _ . We came to a halt at the Council Tower and I took no time at the formalities. People kowtowed and I ran up the stairs as fast as possible. The only thing I managed to hear was that “The Generals have already arrived, Your Majesty,” which was all I wanted to hear. 

How in the middle, Song, his hair not even done up, Jun and his lanky white-clothed self, the gruff half-Northerner Zhi with his braided beard and of course, the burly warhammer-wielding Fong, now without his warhammer. These were the five to whom ‘the Five’ would apply. And they were standing at attention, seemingly waiting for me to arrive. And when I did, the five gave the same simultaneous greetings. “Ten Thousand Years” and kowtows. I didn’t waste time with greetings. I tossed Song the scroll and I went right into it. 

“We’ve got war out in Gangxi? Anyone got any words of wisdom, now’s the time!” and I hit the War Table with my fist. Song, seemingly exhausted, sipped a cup of tea and stepped forward. “Your Majesty-” he raised his hands to bow to me, then moved his hands to the side, “-Generals-” then brought it down, “-the war in those lands have been present since the Hundred Year War’s demise. Colonel Takehisa was once just your average Royal Fire Army officer. Born on one of the smaller Fire Isles, the son of nobles, grew up hiking the dormant volcanoes where he grew up, attended an Officer Academy in Caldera, and ended up assigned to the Colonies. Served ten years in Yantai hunting earthbender insurgents. When the Shogun ordered a pullout of all Fire Army forces, he didn’t listen. When the War ended, he decided to go on fighting. He took his men and women and ran off into the Makapuan Mountains. This letter-” and Song waved my letter around, “-just shows that Takehisa has finally come out of his cave.”  _ So he’s an expert in those mountains. And he’s an officer.  _ “He’s Azulon-era, right?” Song nodded. “Mid-late Azulon, that’s right, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s just making this worse. Azulon ran an efficient country until he started going mad. This man’s probably not that incompetent as a leader. Though… that doesn’t make him unkillable. _

“What does this letter mean by ‘being reinforced?’ Did we not win the Colonial Civil War?” How took responsibility to speak. “We did, Your Majesty, but the… prolonged Siege of Osaka wasn’t the best… well… it wasn’t the best marker of Imperial efficiency.” Song laughed. “You mean to say ‘it showed that the people hate us.’” How took a breath. “The siege… we faced an army bought by a noble and we suffered heavy casualties. And we were fighting a bunch of men wearing bedsheets for capes and wielding kitchen knives for swords.”  _ And yet, we were defeated. Or… rather, we won, at a cost _ .  _ Honest men will say that we lost.  _

“How’s fancy point misses the part where the Colonials respect  _ power _ ” and Fong slammed the table with his fist. Song nodded before drawing the conversation back to himself. “Before Your Majesty’s arrival, we came to the conclusion that the reinforcements are from anti-Imperial Colonials who needed a place to join up to fight the Empire.”  _ That might be true. I haven’t even seen the Colonials since before the War ended. However, this begs a question _ . “Where’s our supervision of the Colonies if there’s this much anti-Imperial sentiment?” How responded, “There is supervision, Your Majesty. That’s why we’re able to disclose this with accuracy.”  _ No, that’s not what I mean or meant _ . I clarified. “Why hasn’t this been cracked down upon? We don’t let rebellions grow, we-” I tightened my fist, “-crush them.”  _ We bring the full Imperial might on these… insurgents.  _

“We can’t just drag half the Colonies out of their homes, line them up, and kill them with crossbows. Not everyone’s going to be pro-Empire, but most of them are. The ones that aren’t…” but How was interrupted by Song. “What he’s trying to say but won’t is that there’s a bunch of bureaucracy we enabled in, with respect to my old foe Azulon, inheriting, a bunch of temporary towns that became permanents that boomed out of proportion with what they should really support because of the trade lines. And that bureaucracy means we can’t just kill people like we can over here in shadow country where any of us can vanish tomorrow for whatever reason.” He laughed at the last part of the sentence, since, besides, he  _ did  _ defy Long Feng and lived. “So…” I gathered my words, “...there’s anti-Imperial sentiment and some of those people are joining up with a rebel warlord who’s traipsing around mountain roads?” Song nodded. “That… is a good summary, Your Majesty.” The other Generals also nodded.  _ Great _ .

How proposed the following: “Let’s deal with the Makapuan Mountains and this upstart first?” and the rest of us unanimously agreed.  _ First the mountains then the Colonies _ .  _ Something something, big stones, small stones, dam _ .  _ The Imperial Tutor’s ageless wisdom proves it’s relevance _ . I asked the table “What’s our plan?” and Song started. “We have to go west and crush this man before he starts sprouting some ideologies and those things, well, everyone knows how quickly an ideology can spread.” There was no disagreement from anyone. Another unanimous agreement.

With that agreed on, I asked for clarification. “What _else_?” and I looked from General to General. Song took a tile-pusher and pointed at the Makapuan Mountains, which looked quite small on this map. _Double the width of the Sky Peaks. Or maybe a bit more._ “From past reports when this man was less of a problem, his army lacks anything mechanized. No tanks, no trucks, no aircraft. He may or may not have a small number of household-style armed riders.” _Household-style, fancy clothes and fancy equipment._ _Right. So… he’s a classic warlord_.

“What’s the Fire Nation’s idea of household-style?” and I looked at Fong, How and settled on Song since all three are experienced in this.  _ Zhi and Jun… less so _ . “Imperial Firebenders, except since these are riders they’re probably one of the Fire Nation’s elite rider units.” “Imperial Firebenders with lances?” I asked it, I didn’t believe it, but I asked anyway. “Most likely, Your Majesty.” I accidentally blurted out a “ _ That’s terrifying _ .” Thankfully, the Imperial Army’s top staff don’t seem to care about feelings, instead focusing on reality. Song continued from before. “Our past forces have crumbled to him and his ever constant reinforcements. Wherever he’s getting them from… we can’t just let him go. We must smash his force.” and he brought his fist down. “Decisively.”  _ Ah, but you just gave me an idea _ .

“He’s mostly infantry, right?” Song responded with “That’s right, Your Majesty.”  _ Well… I once led a force of mostly infantry. And everyone knows infantry has its ups and downs _ . “Then we should be able to absolutely annihilate him with an overwhelming force of riders, right?” and I looked at Jun and Fong, since either one knows their riders.  _ Dongfang ostrich horses are good beasts. _

“We...could…” Song began, somewhat unsure of his footing. I threw a “But?” out there because it felt like he was going there with that. “But, Your Majesty, if he knows the mountains, then he can just flee from our riders.”  _ Right, right, of course. Because he’s fighting in the mountains _ .  _ He’d know the terrain.  _ “So we need locals who know the mountains. Or mountaineers in general. People who can fight at high altitudes in…”  _ wait wait wait _ , “...are the Makapuan Mountains one of those ranges with treeless peaks?” Song shook his head. “No, Your Majesty, most of the Makapuan Mountains have forested peaks. About forty of the known peaks are barren.” “Forty of? Forty out of?” I wondered out loud. “Countless.” he said, both confident and with a pinch of concern.  _ Countless. So it is like the Sky Peaks… except much larger. That’s… not good _ . 

The Sky Peaks comparison reminded me of the Sky Peaks. Which then reminded me of Xishan in general. Which reminded me of hunting in those foothills. “So we pull together an army of mountain-venturing types and hunt this man down?” Fong coughed. Jun and How sipped on goblets of water. Song explained “Your Majesty, as easy as that sounds, we can’t just treat him like an animal. The fact he’s coming down into the plains means he’s got a large enough army for pitched battles. Pitched battles he’s going to  _ win  _ against local armies mustered against him.”  _ Song’s right, of course he’s right.  _ If this man’s attacking us in the field,  _ okay I have no idea if he attacked us in the field proper or not _ , then he’s confident enough in his own troops. Which… considering who his opponents likely are, anyone could be confident against that. But…  _ we have the numbers _ . 

“So we need two armies. One to defeat him on the field and one to pursue him in the mountains.”  _ Two armies need two commanders _ . “That would be doable, Your Majesty.”  _ Wait, I’m an idiot. We don’t need two armies _ . “Or, we could have  _ one  _ army with the pitched field force and the mountain force and the mountain force is deployed once the pitched battles have been won.”  _ I didn’t need to say that so quickly, did I?  _ Zhi allowed me to finish and calmly proposed an alternative. “Why not a mountain force to flush him into the field and a field force to then pounce on him, Your Majesty?” “General Zhi is wrong.” Song’s to-the-point comments weren’t that appreciated by Zhi. Not that Song cared.  _ We’re planning a war right now _ . “We need a field force to catch him and destroy him and the mountain force to track him. He  _ can  _ be tracked and killed.”  _ I’m glad you have confidence in this, Song _ . I didn’t care if the field force went skiing and the mountain force went sand-fishing. I wanted an answer, then we’d start from there. “Point is, one army with two parts to it.” The five Generals unanimously agreed with “I agree, Your Majesty”s.  _ Very good, then _ . I didn’t invent the plan, I’m just a tree, but I helped organize it.  _ Like an Emperor. _ “Then, let’s get to work on composition.” 

And so we did. Once we got the numbers and the details worked out, General How produced the resulting total. “A hundred and thirty thousand troops will be mustered from the regions of Dahexi and Xiong Lin and the commanderies of Weinan and Linwei along with any men picked up along the way west. A hundred artillery pieces, fifty Imperial Tanks, a hundred Imperial Mark Two Biplanes. Rivercraft will be provided as necessary. Is this in agreement?” 

The other five of us present looked at one another.  _ A hundred and thirty thousand against, what, ten thousand men?  _ It may seem like overkill, but there’s a point to it. As Song remarked earlier, some time after my statement and before How’s, ‘There’s always the chance his force grows in size’. Besides, such a large force is needed ‘to hold the Makapuan Mountains until they’ve been fully pacified’, as Zhi pointed out. The five of us gave our agreements. “Agreed”, “Agreed”, “Agreed”, “Agreed” and finally, from me, “Agreed. We need a commander to lead this.” The officers looked at one another. I had an idea as to who I’d pick.  _ Song is qualified. Fong’s stretched thin. How is needed here. Zhi’s also qualified, being a mountain man. Jun would be qualified, but Dongfang isn’t very mountainous.  _

Credit to his character, the Aged General was the one to say “I volunteer, Your Majesty!”. I could finally sit back and pull out my noble voice. While our problems hadn’t been  _ fixed _ , they were on the way to being fixed. “Why should the Badgermole Throne send you, General Song?” Song offered a full kowtow to me, out of respect to what I was representing. He didn’t need to explain his qualifications, but he did so, in the name of ancestral formalities. In the name of tradition. In the name of who the two of us were. Not student and teacher, but Emperor and General.

“I’ve spent many years in the old lands of southeastern Hu Xin fighting Colonials, Your Majesty. I currently lead the Army of the West and some of my officers are from the lands of Dahexi and the Makapuan Mountains themselves. Besides, Zhi is needed in Xiong Lin. Should this expand, he should be ready to come down from the north. Fong is needed at Azure Harbor. Should this expand, he should be ready to come north by boat and by rail. General Jun has Huizhou and General How has supreme forces to manage.” At conclusion of this again, he bopped the ground with his head. The old man wasn’t expected to go so far in the name of fealty,  _ but that’s why we like you _ . 

Upon looking at the other officers, they all gave their nonverbal agreements. So, I waved him up. “Rise, Song of the Line of Zhou. Rise.” He rose. I waved over the Imperial Pocket Seal and the parchment How was writing the latest totals on. “I would think of no better man to lead this. No man more honorable. No man more loyal. No man who could see it done as well.” I had him take some ink and inscribe his full name as being “General Who Pacifies Rebels in the Makapuan Mountains” and gave a nice hard  _ stamp  _ to the document titled “T _ he Imperial Campaign Against Rebels in the Makapuan Mountains. _ ” After handing it to him, I noted that he looked like he was about to cry, so I gave him a hug.

The Council of Five, save Song, didn’t dismiss for the rest of the day: they had the Banner Armies to continue on the path of reforming. As they have been for days and days before. As they will be for many days to come. In the meantime, I told Song “Before you leave, let’s go have some tea.” Song claimed that he “Could be granted no higher honor.” I had an attendant find and bring my personal weapon-bearer to The Jasmine Dragon.  _ Yes, really.  _ While on the ostrich horse ride there, I spotted the Avatar’s sky bison fly off for the southeast, towards a duck-goose chase. By the time we had gotten to the famous tea shop, Zhu had joined us. He was quite sweaty, but that makes sense considering he and Song spent the morning practicing and he spent the rest of the morning practicing.  _ Like father, like son _ . When the waiters spotted who was coming, the second story balcony table was immediately cleared and the entire house rose to kowtows. The Dragon himself wasn’t here today. 

“What can I get Your Majesty?” the young woman with two strands of braided hair asked. I know nobody’s going to tell her that she’s wearing quite… tight… robes, but she is.  _ Anyways _ . “We’ll take the Dragon’s special.” The other two agreed, since if the Emperor chooses it, it’s a good idea to pick it, too.

While the waitress left to retrieve our tea, we talked amongst ourselves. “Ju-Jun, make sure, no matter what, to always keep your ethics. Never give up. Never step back. When in doubt, do as I’d do.” His son had that ‘embarrassed son’ look to him. I joked “So kill everyone in a good performance of sword skills?” and the old General laughed. “Yeah… Your Majesty. That’s my advice.” Zhu was… acting far more humble. “I will, Father. I will.” 

Right after, I asked “So how do you think this war will go, General?” He laughed. “I have no idea, Your Majesty. Nobody’s ever won a war from a tea table. Except diplomats.”  _ That’s a very fair point _ . 

“What’s your plan, General?” He looked me right in my one good eye and my missing one. “Whatever Your Majesty commands. That is what I shall do.” I scratched my facial hair. “I say kill this Takehisa and all his traitors to the last.” The Aged General nodded. “Then that is what I shall do, Your Majesty.” 

“Wouldn’t that make you seem tyrannical, Father?” his adopted son asked. “No, Ju-Jun. Every man must do his duty to the Empire. From the highest noble to the lowest commoner.”  _ I couldn’t agree more, Song.  _ The rest of Song’s statement was as follows: “All those who are enemies of the Empire are its enemies. We are not killing innocents. We are hunting rebels. If we don’t kill these rebels, then they may win. Or others may rebel. Either way, the Badgermole Throne will appear weaker.” 

This sparked a question from Zhu. “Wouldn’t the Avatar disagree, Father?” Song… a quite emotive man, took a deep breath instead. “I’ve spent my years fighting a war because of the Avatar’s failures long ago. And I’ll be fighting for the Empress for the rest of my years, may she outlive me.” and he gestured towards the Palace with his head and mumbled a quiet prayer for the Empress’s longevity. Then, he turned back towards Zhu. “May you fight after my time is up. Because the Empress, long may she reign, is what the Avatar should’ve been.”

The three of us drank up our tea when it arrived. Song led us to toast. Normally, the toast is a proud exclamation, but for this old man, it’s a quiet admission. “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty. Ten Thousand Years to the Earth Empire,” and he let out a thin smile. The two of us joined in, repeating the chant. And so we drank.

Soon after, Song kowtowed to me, he exchanged a long embrace with his son, and… that was that.

A General’s home is on the battlefield, not in a city, not with all the formalities.

Song survived a dozen campaigns, he’d survive this one, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Imperial Tutor gives some lessons on the Hou-Tings.
> 
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -The chapter's title, explained: No explanation necessary.   
> -The intro speech is quite similar to Crossroads of Destiny's opening speech. That was an accidental-turned-deliberate choice. Make of it what you will  
> -Xuan's 'bedsheet' speech shows his perceptiveness. Throughout the chapter, there might be hints that he was implying more than he let on. Which, for the record, is well within character. Dai Li love their secrets.  
> -Toph's weakspot is her father. I didn't want to write 1000 words of Toph crying. But it would've happened. Feel free to imagine Mori cradling her the whole time.   
> -Yes, Toph's crying is part of what motivates Mori's tone this episode.  
> -Ukano Specials are molotov cocktails  
> -It's much harder for a female monarch to have a bastard, because pregnancy. And they'd have far less, because... biology.   
> -Mori often calls Katara emotionally unstable. She's not.  
> -Mori's explanation of lands is right. Gangxi is east of the Makapuan Mountains. The Makapuan Mountains are the 'frontier' of the Colonies, a mountain range that divides the old Colonies from the Earth lands.  
> -Makapu Village is not located in the Makapuan Mountains.   
> -"Just east" of New Taku. Remember that.  
> -There are far less formalities in this General's meeting than usual due to the panic of the situation.


	88. The Abdicated Fifty-Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Imperial Tutor has a few more lessons to give...  
> ...will the Emperor listen?

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Four:

I was having a good night. I spent the past evening, quote, ‘taking time for myself.’ Of course, because ‘taking time for myself’ is impossible as being the Emperor, it meant that I had to have  _ something  _ to do. So I sparred with my weapon-bearer and some of his friends. From blade practice, with dull blades, to an impromptu archery competition, to hand-to-hand combat. At the longer ranges, I and my one eye surprised most of these two-eyed city-born men with my abilities. Zhu’s few friends, or rather, acquaintances, are all from Bayan or Ba Sing Se.  _ Still a city _ . Who would’ve thought the man that had to grow up hunting birds around dawn -whenever that may be- would still have some sense of how far away a tiny target is? Those duck-geese are half the size of our hay targets. The other two parts, blades and fists, I didn’t win, but it wasn’t about killing your opponent it was knocking him to the ground. And when I’m normally swinging a blade around with intent to cleave not stun, trying to stun not cleave is hard. But… all of this is just a preface. As always I found myself being used as a pillow by the Empress. By the time we had gotten tired of wrestling, the two of us were sweaty and had our hair everywhere. Oh, it was a great set of matches! I’d won two rounds, she won five. I wouldn’t mention any of this if not for what came next. 

Nan gave us about three _miao_ of warning with his sudden howling. I had enough time to ask “What’s the matter?” before something went _slam._ “Kyoshi, what’s-” but she was cut off by me grabbing her and rolling right off the bed, hoping whoever or whatever had just made that giant _slam_ sound would go for me not her. She gave off one loud “Ow!” while I shot up and grabbed the hanging scabbard from above my headrest. Someone screamed while it sounded like Nan was eating someone’s something. The dimly lit room revealed… _four?_... silhouette people over by the window. “None of you belong here!”, not the best of lines, but alas. 

I drew my  _ jian  _ and ran around the bed. The sole lantern showed that they were armed with what looked like sickles. And they were wearing black cloaks. I swung at one and lodged my meteorite  _ jian  _ in this figure’s shoulder. I thought I was doing well, Nan was eating one man’s head on the ground and I had just killed another.  _ Thought _ . Instead, when I pulled my blade out and meant to stab one of the others, he wrapped this chain around my blade. I couldn’t break the lock. With my blade locked, he came down with the sickle. One problem for him, I outrange him with my arm. So I grabbed his sickle, he kneed me in the groin, again, and again, I  _ really  _ messed up his hand when I twisted his hand too far to the right, he screamed out in pain, he tried to kick my shin, he kicked my shin, I removed the sickle and buried it in his head.  _ What an idiot _ . All of this in five  _ miao  _ or less.

I wondered where the others were and had found my answer soon enough. One man had his chained sickle wrapped around his neck with the cause of this tightening being Toph’s hand. She was… going to break his neck… with metalbending. Another tried to climb over the bed to get to Toph but an earth pillar sent him backwards. He tried again. “Toph!” was all I could do to warn her while I decided to lunge at him. _I hope you heard me, you assassin_. I did. I grabbed him by the back, he elbowed me right in the nose, _ow_ , I gave him a good pull, he spun around and instead of being nice and just dying, he tried to sick the sickle on me. It didn’t work. With this man lying back on the bed, I pulled a small blade from my garments -secret sarashi knife- and stuck him through the eye. “One, two, three, how many times do you want it?” I didn’t need to ask him. But I did. His cries of pain told me ‘more’ so I inserted and _twisted_ it in his neck and left it there while he gushed out his inside bits. That wasn’t the end of this. 

Someone tried to plunge his knife into my back but by the time I spun around,  _ thanks ears, where were you? _ , he was being strangled by what looked like nothing. He was grasping at his own throat only for me to realize said throat had a rock glove on it. Then another pair of rock gloves grabbed his shoulders and started pulling him up into the darkness.  _ Pulling him up… into the darkness _ . By Kyoshi his kicking and screaming and wailing was a sight to behold. 

You know what wasn’t a sight to behold? Another two geniuses who used the _really wide broken hole in the window, ah, that… makes sense_ , to climb in and ended up across from me. Not my proudest moment, facing two men with just my bare fists. On the contrary, their proudest moment had come, with both chains wrapped around my arms. _I guess I’m too tall for just one?_. The third, _where did he come from? I don’t know either_ , pulled out his blade for the strike. Someone went flying into the wall next to me, suggesting that the Empress was having fun. 

I remarked that “That’s a pitiful little blade” while this man  _ tried  _ to stab me with it. I kicked him backwards.  _ Nope. _ This whole performance was their proudest moment until one of the chain men suddenly had a  _ dao  _ sticking out of the side of his head. The  _ dao  _ twisted without anyone physically grabbing the hilt until it sawed a chunk of his head off. He was spurting him-bits all over and collapsed in a pool of indignity.  _ You turned my green wall red! _ With one of the holders down, my opportunity arose. 

I yelled “Don’t you know tree branches are big?” while swinging my left arm around,  _ note, a bit of a groan at first because something was cutting into my skin _ , and the whole chain and sickle on the end with it. Whatever metal these people were using was strong enough to hit the knife-man in the face but not strong enough to kill him. By the by, he had a metal chain whip him in the head. Did the sickle spin around behind him and bury itself in his body? No.  _ Because the Spirits just hate me.  _ He fell to the ground. 

When the right chain man learned I was free, he took his sickle and tried to hack away at my arm. It failed because my arm,  _ again, please just ignore whatever’s cutting into my skin _ , was more powerful than his one-handed grip. I think it was the adrenaline kicking in. Now… whoever this man was, he wasn’t an idiot. He tried to throw his strangely shaped knife, not at me, but at the woman across the room from me absolutely hammering someone’s chest in with an earth gauntlet. Being me, I stepped to the right and knocked the flying dagger out of the sky with my torso.  _ Ow.  _ He threw it improperly. It bounced off my robes. Or maybe my robes were thick enough that a side-on blade strike didn’t do much. Eitherway, this man ran for it. 

He ran for the window and dropped  _ something _ but I could barely see it through the darkness. It made a smashing sound, then a bunch of little  _ clink _ s. I ran after him, “Get back here and die like a man!” I yelled, invigorated by the adrenaline… and suddenly felt like my feet were being impaled by a dozen different knives. It was a really weird feeling. But he didn’t escape. 

Nan grabbed him by the right leg and started pulling on him. He tried to heel-kick Nan.  _ Nobody heel-kicks Nan _ . Oh, yeah, and his attempted escape was doubly blocked by something pulling a large earth wall up in front of him. Then it was blocked once more but a blade cutting the back of his head off from the front of his head. The wielder had a thumb on the  _ dao _ ’s blade and was dressed in proper Imperial Armor. When  _ he  _ stepped where I stepped, nothing happened to him. I turned around and found one last expert writhing around in the air. Again. What a wonderful sight. Someone on the ceiling shouted “Keep this one!” and this man  _ also  _ was brought into the sky, screaming and crying “I don’t want to die!” which, sadly for him, made  _ Kotyan  _ and I break into a hysterical kind of laughter. 

The battle was over. I sat back down on the bed next to the man who was clawing at his own neck to pull the knife out. I gave him a head-pat for sarcastic reassurance before pulling said knife out and  _ stab _ , “No more messing up our sheets by rolling around. And making a mess.” I looked back and…  _ wait where’s Toph?  _ “Toph?” I turned back towards the normal direction people face and came face-to-face with a woman flexing and tightening her fingers. Casually,  _ open, close, open, close _ , stretching her fingers. At the same time, around us, people were yelling all kinds of inaudible commands. The Empress remarked “that was fun, Kyoshi!  _ We should do that again _ !” while wiping her hands down on one of these dead men’s clothes. 

Within moments, we were surrounded, no really,  _ surrounded _ , by Imperial Guards and their fancy armor. They brought in a bunch of fancy lanterns to help with illumination.  _ I could’ve used that a few fen ago _ . Someone, a voice I didn’t recognize, was asking Toph a question and she responded “I want answers!  _ Why  _ did all of you dunderheads mess up?” I looked around at said dunderheads. They looked quite sad at being called dunderheads. I also contributed to this with “Yeah.  _ Why _ ? Isn’t this the most secure place anywhere?” “It is-” someone somewhere started saying something but the two of us had had enough. 

“How. There’s a couple thousand of you, right?” “There is-” but this not-Kotyan stone-voiced man was cut off by Toph. “Where were all of you silhouettes  _ before…  _ what, ten people hopped in our window?” and she looked like she was about to pick up this conical hat and toss him out a window. “I don’t think the number matters, Toph.”  _ Whoops, forgot to be formal. Oh, who cares.  _ I tapped my arm, pulled my hand back and examined it.  _ Oh, blood. Interesting _ . While the Empress got to wiping her hands dry, I asked “Why and where did these people come from?” “The window, Your Majesty.” I looked at one of these guards while pondering whether or not to immediately call for a healer.  _ A healer for him, that is _ .

“Did you see where they came from?” I asked. Toph pulled on her eyelids. “ _ No _ .” “Not you, him” and I pointed at ‘him’. “I didn’t, Your Majesty. I was outside” the Imperial Guard, not Kotyan, not Taishi, said. “Well your Empress doesn’t sleep outside, does she?” The man gave a sad head bow. “She does not-” the Empress cut him off and gave her own words of wisdom. “ _ Well, then you’re doing your job wrong _ ” Then Toph grabbed me by the chest and said “Let’s get back to sleep, Kyoshi. Not here, but we’ll go sleep on the stone floor in your room.”  _ I… how can you go to sleep so casually after all this?  _ “How can you sleep so easily?” She shrugged. “The assassins were bad at their jobs. I beat them all up.” “ _ You weren’t hurt _ ?” I asked, shocked. “I wasn’t.”  _ Good. Good. Now I can sleep _ .

During all this, the Dai Li were picking up the bodies and carrying them out. Someone kindly cleaned my blade off and hung it up. Since the Empress was safe, I could finally say “ _ Ow _ ” in a somewhat unceremonious fashion . “Kyoshi, why are you bleeding?” She grabbed my right arm. “Because… I just got into a fight?” I tried to say, honestly. She showcased that her palms were quite red and then and only then did I look down at my arm and notice a large gash in it.  _ Some… that chain was barbed on the end. _ Oh, yeah, and the adrenaline turned off and I was overcome with a searing pain in either arm. The  _ other  _ arm had a similar gash that had sliced right through the robes. The blue tattered fringes of the robe were stained with red.  _ Okay... this isn’t the best of circumstances _ . “I’m… not going to sleep. I…” I stood up. “I’m going to a healer. Toph. I’m… going to go walk over to a healer.” And I walked for the door. 

It was a bit of a fog. Long story short, I was carried to the Imperial Infirmary at high speed leaving a small trail of drops along the way. I can’t say I recall exactly how or why my thick,  _ oh so comfortable _ , fancy sleep robes were pulled off and I ended up being placed on a slab of some kind. At least I had my undergarments. While the blood loss itself wasn’t quite draining,  _ I’m ready to go for round two! _ , hearing the Empress make lots of demands for people’s heads was tiring. Not that her screaming her head off about dunderheads was unappreciated. Even more appreciated was “You get the master healer, or you’ll be the one  _ needing  _ the healer.” Followed by “Next person to give me some  _ intelligent  _ advice-” she hit the ground and, judging by what it sounded like, she pulled a chunk of earth out and said “-gets this straight to the head.” I didn’t really want to turn my head all the way over to look at the stunned and scared healers, so I just closed my good eye and felt the water running over my open wounds. “Got it?” the Empress barked. “Yes, Your Majesty!” the terrified crowd-like gaggle responded. 

Soon enough,  _ okay it might have been forever but it passed in a moment _ , I heard a bunch of women go “ _ Slowly _ ” while lowering me into a bathtub of some kind. Then even sooner, the healers got to work being healers. Good on them for being healers. I also fell asleep  _ because I was sleeping before all this nonsense happened and just because I’m bleeding out, as the Empress would decree, ‘Is no excuse for not going back to sleep’. Well… I took her up on her word and fell asleep. Hopefully I wouldn’t drown while partway lying in a bathtub. That’d be a really anticlimactic way to die _ .  _ Not a sword in hand, charging one’s enemies, drowning.  _ As I’m writing this, it’s pretty obvious I didn’t. 

I found myself awake,  _ that’s a good thing _ , and alive,  _ also a good thing _ , and lying in the same bathtub I was in earlier. Or it felt like the same one. Someone even brought over a pillow for my neck and head to rest on while I laid back in a very compromisingly embarrassing position,  _ seriously who takes baths while a bunch of random waterbenders work on your wounds? _ And the Empress was… according to my good eye… sleeping on the ground a few Consort’s feet over to my side. Someone offered her a pillow and that pillow was sliced into two pieces.  _ Right.  _ No, no, the interesting part of all of this was that when I woke up, I found myself staring into the white face of death itself. 

“Morning, pupil!” the Spirit of Death was feeling quite unbecoming of a Spirit of Death this fine morning. He was… happy.  _ Maybe it’s because we killed a bunch of people?  _ “Morning…” I replied, shivering and not just from the cold. The Imperial Tutor stuck his hands into his sleeves. “You’re looking good, you want to go for a walk?”  _ I want to go for a walk? Do I? What?  _ “What kind of question is that? Didn’t I just… get stabbed a bunch of times?” He nodded. 

“That’s correct. You and your girlfriend were targeted by assassins wielding a special kind of weapon manufactured specifically for assassins. The chain-sickle, as it’s called. Or, in the Fire Nation, the  _ Kusarigama _ .”  _ Okay okay slow down _ . I raised my hands to try and slow this man’s exposition down.  _ I don’t…  _ “You just walked into my personal infirmary and started telling me about what  _ weapon  _ the attackers used on me?” “Yes” and he let out a thin smile. 

_ I…  _ I stuttered like a drunk, half because I might’ve been drunk on whatever potion these healers made me drink that I then didn’t remember because I wasn’t really awake and half because the Imperial Tutor is a weird man. “I… do I  _ want  _ to go for a walk with you?” He backed up to let me see more than just his long white beard. “If you intend to keep your head, it’s a good idea, my pupil. If you intend to keep your head, you don’t have to come either, I’ve just found that knowing your foe’s weapons prepares you for fighting them. Thus, maintaining your head.”  _ I… keeping my head _ . The single middle-aged healer tending to me looked up at this man with a kind of pulsating fear. I said what I and the errant Imperial Guards were probably thinking. “That sounded like a threat.”

He turned to the Imperial Guards who  _ were  _ thinking what I was thinking. “I’m not threatening you, I’m educating my kin.” “You’re not my kin.” “I have many sons and daughters. Some are currently running along the ceiling. Some are currently speaking to the Magistrate of Kyoshi Island. Some are currently praying to a statue of your ancestor.”  _ I’m confused but I don’t know if the confusion is from the bloodloss, the potions or the Imperial Tutor being the Imperial Tutor.  _ All this ruckus didn’t go unheard.

“Kyoshi! Old friend of mine!” and the Empress got up and marched the approximately five paces over to the two of us. Then she placed a hand on my shoulder, or the exposed part of the shoulder just above the waterline.  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “ _ Old friend _ ? How is the Imperial Tutor  _ your  _ old friend?” and I squinted at her, not that she’d see it. “He and I sit around and discuss seeing with our feet. It’s lots of fun.”  _ I… what? Feet? I… what’s that supposed to mean?  _ “You…” I pointed at her, “and you” I pointed at the Imperial Tutor, “know one another?” The Imperial Tutor let out a unnerving laugh. “Of course, my pupil! I’m the Imperial Tutor. It’s my job to educate. And education happens to be-” he flashed me a toothy grin, “-my favorite pastime.”  _ I… right. Education… not… killing people.  _ “Education. You. The man who’s-” but I was cut off by said Imperial Tutor. “Education comes in many forms. Her Imperial Majesty-” he offered her a strange bow, a  _ daofei _ -style bow, probably some old organization he was a part of, but it was a bow nonetheless, “-has a special kind of educational need. I based my teaching on how past Avatars were taught by  _ their  _ tutors.”  _ I… you mean the teaching you tried to apply. And ‘past Avatars’, you’re referring to one Avatar. But you’re making it seem like it’s not your credit, since I guess you don’t want anyone inside the Palace to know who you really are. Or… something _ .  _ I’m not smart enough to pick up on all the little details _ .

“You’re doing better, Kyoshi” and Toph slammed her fist into my sword-arm’s shoulder.  _ Good. Bruising’s fine _ . Being somewhat aback from all this… this… I looked at the Imperial Tutor, he looked back at me, then I looked at Toph, but she was ‘looking’ somewhere else with her left ear pointing towards me, then back at the Imperial Tutor, then at the healer, then at my two hands while they dripped with water.  _ I…  _

“Yes, I’d…” I coughed.  _ I mean, he’s who he is, you can’t exactly refuse his offer _ , “...I’d like to go for a walk with you.” He clapped his hands together,  _ well that’s just plain terrifying _ , then backed up. “Very good, pupil!” He turned to the Empress and offered her the same bow from earlier. “Would Your Majesty like to come along?” “Whatcha’ doing?” “Looking.” She waved her hand in front of her face. “Come back when you’ve got something to feel.” and she took to feeling either shoulder for a few  _ miao _ , then my head -specifically face- for a  _ fen _ . Once she felt like she was done, she gave me another shoulder punch, I sat up, the healer gave no comment, and waved over some robes to put on. 

All in all, I welcome two new reminders of being the Emperor to my family of reminders. Left arm and right arm with left arm being a bit larger and right arm being a bit… twist-ier. I suppose that’s to be expected. These might be good healers, but there’s only so much that can be healed. The Empress walked off “to go wrestle with Lord Qiangyang”,  _ I don’t even know the logistics of that, but fine _ . The healers gave me their well-wishes, I gave them some gratitude, “Thanks for being the best healers anywhere”,  _ that’s not a lie, you’re all quite trustworthy _ , the Imperial Tutor interjected that “You shouldn’t be thanking them, they should be thanking you for not dying. Since then they’d die.” Instead of pressing his claim, I let it drop, gave the lot of them a couple smirks, and followed him out and out. Oh, and Nan showed up while we were on our way for some refreshing application of licks.

Out in the Imperial Palace Grounds’ northern half, the Imperial Palace Gardens, the two of us had a brisk morning stroll ahead of us. I forcefully dismissed my retinue, with the Imperial Tutor citing that “anyone who wants to beat up an old man is a mean person” before tapping the ground softly and pulling an entire rock wall out of it. Then all he had to do was tap it with a finger to make it all fall back into the earth. As such, it was just the two of us and the occasional attendants wandering around waiting on my every wish. 

“You were targeted. These were proper assassins paid for by someone with wealth.”  _ Right, we’re diving right into this ice water _ .  _ Oh...kay then _ . “They weren’t that good. They died,” I countered, sounding more arrogant than I should’ve been. He smashed my arrogance at once. “Your feet contain about ten small implant scars from the little metal spikes one of these ‘not that good’ assassins dropped. It’s a good thing they didn’t have twenty.”  _ You act like…  _ “You act like you were there. But you weren’t. You act like you were able to take part. It was dark and I didn’t even know how many people were attacking us. And… everything happened in an instant. I didn’t have time to go ‘is that a small spike’ or not.” I threw my fists at the ground, quite… angry.  _ You can’t just accuse me of being an idiot in this case. Assassinations aren’t meticulous. _ “Which is why you let the girl with seismic sense handle the battle.” 

He then pulled a green cloth out of some hidden pocket and blindfolded himself with it. And stood still. “Pupil, take a pebble and toss it somewhere.” I searched the pondside and found a curated piece of gravel, the same grey as a storm cloud, and threw it as far as I could down the pathway. It pittered when it struck. It was far enough away I’d have no ability to distinguish it from anything else unless I knew it was already there. The Imperial Tutor toe-turned towards the pebble, raised one of his hands, and brought a small rock glove out of the ground. That glove took to the air and floated over to me, the tiny grey piece of gravel cupped in its palm. He then reduced the glove to dust and removed the green cloth from his faded eyes. “ _ See _ ?” he cracked up at his own one word joke. I couldn’t roll my one good eye, this man was still the man he was. “Yes,” I said, instantly defeated. 

“Good” and he set off down the path. “If I was able to pull that pebble out of the ground, then the Empress could take on her foes in the bedroom.”  _ But…  _ “They were also on her bed.” He yawned, since I guess what I said was boring. “These were expert assassins.  _ You _ -” he paused to give me a brief squint, only brief, the perfectly unnerving amount of time, “-have no right to call them ‘not that good.’  _ You  _ were stabbed. Any man who gets stabbed by his opponents has no right to call them ‘not that good.’” I had to nod in understanding. I didn’t want to… but his squint made me.

We walked on for a little while longer while I gathered myself.  _ Right, back to the point _ . “Imperial Tutor, do you have any idea who hired these people?” “I don’t  _ know _ who hires anyone. I don’t work with the  _ daofei  _ groups. Or the gangs.”  _ That’s really helpful. And completely missing my point _ . “Do you have any leads? Did our… well did the Dai Li obtain any leads?” “As Your Majesty should well know by now, nobody ever directly hires assassins. Their secretive allies use their contacts to find respective...applicants, then send the successful ones on missions. At most, if these assassins can be...convinced...to tell us who their handlers were, we can track down their handlers.” The way he said that made me think he didn’t have any answers. “I take it you don’t have any answers.” “I have answers, it’s a matter of if you’re mature enough to listen to them.”  _ ‘Mature enough _ ’... “I am.” He smiled. “Very good then, take a seat.” and he gestured to a bench along some pond we’ve probably walked past once or twice before. To backdrop us, a small flock of turtle ducks were swimming around. 

“Do you know who Zhi is?”  _ Zhi?  _ “I don’t just know people on a first name basis, no. Unless you mean Zhi, Imperial Commander of the Army of the North.” “No, I meant Zhi, Prince of Haidian.”  _ Prince of… Prince…  _ “He’s a member of royalty. I take it he’s not my relative.” The Imperial Tutor huffed. “He’s your girlfriend’s… eighth cousin twice removed, by kinship through a marriage alliance between the Beifongs and the line of Hou-Ting from three hundred years ago. He’s more famously known as being the brother of Wei-Hung.”  _ Wei-Hung… I know Wei-Hung.  _ “The Fifty First Earth King.” “ _ That _ Wei-Hung, yes.”  _ So he's the brother of… wait. Wait a miao _ .  _ No _ . “Are you suggesting that this was done by a member of ex-royalty? By Zhi?” 

“No, because Prince Zhi is dead. Had an unfortunate accident while boating. Sunrise Sea’s got terrible tempests, as you know.” I nodded my head along.  _ Right. Terrible tempests. Mhm _ .  _ That it does. _ “You think one of the members of ex-royalty is behind this?” “Possibly. Most likely.”  _ But… Why now? It’s been two years since we took the throne.  _ Because I don’t think on the same grand board game scale as the Imperial Tutor, I had to ask “Why now?” He pulled on his beard. “They’ve tried assassinating you before, it’s just that nobody ever  _ gave  _ you names.”  _ I… Fair point. That was most of the time we spent while first being monarch and monarch-consort _ . 

“And you knew that Zhi was behind this?” “Zhi was behind some of the attempts on the two of you’s lives up until quite recently. Not all of them, I can’t trace  _ every  _ assassin to him, but do you really care? He had an unfortunate accident.” I can’t exactly dispute the Imperial Tutor. If the person’s dead, they’re dead. “And what? You suspect this new attempt was done by his relative?” The Imperial Tutor nodded. “Huan, by official Imperial ruling, was granted the title and rank of Magistrate of Xintao.”  _ Official ruling? Why would I ever agree to that? _ “I don’t recall, one, knowing that a person named Huan exists, and two, approving such a move with an Imperial Memorial.” The legendary assassin put his hands in his sleeves and sat down on the bench.

“If you don’t realize that you haven’t approved  _ everything _ , then you truly are an arrogant idiot.”  _ Don’t take offense at that. He’s right _ . So I allowed myself a few long breaths and asked “What haven’t I been approving?” followed by stating “I try to get through all the letters, every day, as soon as possible.” “There was a time before you were Emperor, no?”  _ That is also correct.  _ “There was.” and I took a seat next to him. “Did you record any Memorials then?” he asked, glazing into my good eye with his faded ones.  _ You’re asking about a time period from… a year and some ago.  _ “I think so.” “And how involved were you in the transitional period between the last Earth King and your girlfriend’s coronation?” “She’s not my-” but he interrupted me, rolled his eyes, and stiffly said “The person you have consortly duties to’s coronation.”  _ Hmm.  _ I scratched my chin hair. 

“I wasn’t involved. At all. I was too busy being brand-new to all-” I opened my arms to try and encompass the Imperial Palace Grounds, “-this. All  _ this _ .” “Since the previous dynasty abdicated, the other dozen or so officially recognized members had to be given titles. This was not done by you, but by the government itself.”  _ How many members? Why is it that when I looked through the Imperial Archives, I never found evidence of these other members? Unless… it’s because I never looked at the Imperial Registry. No, that makes some sense. These people wouldn’t go in the Histories.  _ “So what you’re saying-” and I tried to piece together everything inside my head, “-is that some ex-royalty who carries a fancy title plotted to kill the Empress and I.” “Yes.”  _ Thanks for being to the point _ .

Before I could inquire as to the obvious, _ let’s kill all these people _ , he stood up, looked down at me, and gave me a lecture. “Does my pupil know where the last Earth King currently resides?”  _ No _ . I shook my head. “Xiadian.”  _ Just east of Xintao _ . “Magistrate Benli is his cousin and rules Xiadian. Magistrate Xiaoping. Another cousin. Qianshan.”  _ Home of the famous vineyards. And just east of Ba Sing Se _ . “On and on it goes. His female cousins have arranged marriages with half of Liaoyang’s Magistrates and the ones that don’t are scattered like golden leaves across the Empire.”  _ Scattered… but not dead. Royal blood buys power. They still hold power _ . “As such, while I can’t prove Magistrate Huan, Son of Prince Zhi, the Prince of Haidian, is behind this attempt, I  _ can  _ prove that Magistrate Huan would have a very good reason to want you two killed.” The Imperial Tutor, being seemingly immortal, is well-experienced with those under his tutelage needing more time than he needs to properly comprehend something. 

“So we should kill Huan!” A completely to-the-conclusion answer. Followed by one that I have to imagine the Empress would find sufficient. “Then we should exterminate the entire family and prevent them from obtaining any more power!” The Imperial Tutor burst into hysterical laughter. Laughter that, when compounded with his long white hair and pale face, sent shivers down my spine. “ _ Right _ . My pupil, you can’t just kill a family by cutting off it’s head. And this dynasty’s run the continent for a long time. You’d…” he paused to continue laughing, “...you’d have to purge most magistrates. Most of them have some blood through the mother’s line tracing them back to this dynasty. Do you know what’s even  _ easier  _ and would affirm  _ your  _ legitimacy over any of the other scions?”  _ I have no idea. Really, I don’t. Killing them all still sounds like a good solution _ .  _ Or… killing the male-line, at least _ . “Say it with me now” and he gave me this creepy smile while trying to wave me closer, “an  _ heir _ .” 

_ An heir. Of course he’d say an heir. This is a man who is somehow omniscient and out of touch _ . “Why in the name of my ancestor would I  _ need  _ to give the Empress an heir?”  _ Even asking it as a hypothetical is drawing implications that make me a bit nauseous _ . “One day, you’re going to die. Probably quite soon. In a battle, knowing your nature. One day, your… ahem… person you’re supposed to be doing consortly duties for will  _ also  _ die. Individuals don’t matter. Families do.”  _ But we’re young. Quite young _ . “How could you say that?” I dared to ask. So he leaned in close,  _ quite  _ close, close enough I could sniff the alcoholic beverage he was halfway to intoxicating himself with, probably before this attempt on Toph and I’s lives occurred. 

“Listen to me, boy. I’ve  _ killed  _ your predecessors before. It’s so, so easy to do. One drop of poison. One bribed concubine. One good arrow. A push off a tall tower. Entombment in the ground. A stone through the heart. These individuals become chapters in a history book. The good ones go on to earn their own books. The poor ones, a mere footnote.” Then he pulled out of this lean-in to stick his hands behind him. “You  _ will  _ be snuffed out, whether that’s of your own choosing or of your loyalty. And-” he huffed, “-even if you manage to escape such a fate, your Imperial Family consists of one person and one Consort.”  _ What’s that supposed to mean?  _ “Are you suggesting something?” He groaned, long and hard.

Out of nowhere, he changed the conversation. “You better exert your influence on your Empress before she loses her Empire. This Huan, he has allies across the Empire. You two are alone. Or...alone up here in Ba Sing Se. You have the potential for allies.”  _ Potential for allies. Imperial Family. I need allies. Where do I go to get allies? Where… do… I… go? That’s it _ . I slapped my leg. “That’s it! The Earth Islands!” He smirked. “What of them?” “My kin in Kyoshi Island, they can be the Imperial Family!” He kept that smirk going. “That’s the reason I wanted them unified.”  _ Now I know why _ . “Because they’re loyal to  _ me _ , not to this ancient dynasty.”  _ That’s it _ .  _ Of course that’s it _ . The Imperial Tutor gave me a pat on the shoulder. “You’ve got it.”  _ The quick change between staring and this… it’s a bit odd, but I guess that’s what I get from having an unhinged immortal assassin for a personal educator _ .  _ He just… flips around _ . That said, I wasn’t for his plan. “Exerting influence…I still wouldn’t dare. Her Imperial Majesty is Her Imperial Majesty. She’s not some… something to be…” The Imperial Tutor clicked his tongue. “The folly of youth.” 

I expected him to pursue that tangent. He didn’t. “This Huan is going to be visiting Ba Sing Se within the next few days. He’s going to stir up a lot of...problems. If you know what I mean. Huan’s a bit fiery.”  _ ‘A bit?’  _ “What does ‘a bit’ mean?” The Imperial Tutor made that ‘Ahh’ noise. “He… ahh… takes after the more...crazy...of his ancestors. He’s the kind of Magistrate who throws gold on parties not improving Xintao. The traders stopped visiting Panshui, the sailors… that’s a different story entirely.”  _ I imagine they didn’t stop visiting _ . “What, you want me to confront Huan?” “No, no, that’s too diplomatic. I want you to capture Xintao.”  _ That’s a bit extreme.  _ “Why? I thought you said that they had political influence over all of the Empire.” “Oh, they do. But there’s a reason why. I forgot to mention one  _ little  _ thing.”  _ Oh no. Not ‘a little thing _ ’.  _ Not a little thing _ .

“He  _ happens  _ to hold some of your Kyoshi Islander fellows in a sort of… hostage, shall we say.”  _ What?  _ I drew my  _ jian  _ and pointed it at this man’s throat. “ _ What _ ? Why didn’t you tell me? Where?” “Xintao. He’s taken a… persuasive interest, shall we say.”  _ A persuasive…  _ The Imperial Tutor flicked the blade out of my hand. “You mean he stole them?  _ Who _ ? Why wasn’t I informed of this?!?” “Because your heralds and courtiers are corrupt. We both know this. And half of them are paid off by this dynasty.”  _ Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. _

The Imperial Tutor broke into laughter. “ _ What _ is so funny about this?” and I picked up my blade and thought to point it at him again. “Do you live in a world of intoxication or something? Why  _ wouldn’t  _ you suspect that most ministers support a puppet monarch like Kuei over the rash, quick-acting wrestler who has no sense of court decorum?”  _ I…  _ While I grabbed my blade and started stabbing the dirt, I thought about it. And thought about it.  _ And you’re right. Of course you’re right. You’re right and vague _ . “What do you mean  _ ‘half _ ’?” 

He sighed. “I’m being  _ metaphorical _ .”  _ Do you just like to mess with me?  _ During my tantrum, the Imperial Tutor stayed perfectly still with only his eyes following me around. “What do you mean about the heralds and courtiers?” “I was  _ joking _ . Most of them are quite loyal to the Badgermole Throne. The truth is that whoever runs your information gathering censors much of it. Whoever  _ that  _ is is sided with the last dynasty.” Did he attempt to calm me down? No, why would he? 

Eventually, the pieces started being put together. I began pacing circles around him and his statue-like confident self “You said that most magistrates have this old dynasty’s blood in them, right?” He nodded.  _ That’s one.  _ “You said that the ministers are working with this old dynasty?” “Not all of them.”  _ That’s two _ . “You’ve hinted that this dynasty is out to get rid of us.” “That’s not really a hint, my pupil, that’s called politics.”  _ That’s three _ . “And you’ve mentioned that the Court would prefer a puppet.” “Anyone would, but, yes. That’s the idea.”  _ That’s four _ . I stopped pacing around him. I came to a complete stop facing him. I blinked my good eye and everything suddenly, suddenly, made  _ sense. The Fiery Sky is Dead! The Jade Empire will Rise! _

“The Green Headbands were right all along!” And this…  _ this _ … made him produce a very reassuring smile. “You can bet they were.” I felt the passion of a correct answer course through me.  _ Finally, I figured it out. This group of peasant rebels. I was right _ .  _ Except… what were they right about? The magistrates being against us?  _ “So… wait… so when they spoke about some kind of grand conspiracy amongst the magistrates, was  _ this  _ what they were referring to?” He pointed at the bench. “Sit down, my pupil. And be quiet. And  _ listen _ .” So I sat down. And was quiet. And listened. 

“While you’ve been off solving problems you think are problems, and I assure you, they  _ were  _ problems, you have missed out on the most important of them all: the people. The people, as uneducated and backwards as they are, have more power than all of us combined. Now… sometimes the people come to conclusions based on their fanatical spiritual beliefs, or because it’s much easier to blame an ethnic group than take responsibility. But one thing they’ve gotten right from the very start is that Ba Sing Se is, in one sentence, a hive of corruption and plotters.” 

I was about to raise my finger in inquiry,  _ why didn’t you tell me any of this _ , but he gave me a soft squint and I lowered my hand. “The people of the Empire are quite… numerous. There’s a lot of them. Those people respect power. Without question, the current person sitting on the Badgermole Throne  _ has  _ power. But these same people don’t run anything important. They are the farmers and lumberers, the fishers and miners, they are the pool with which you draw from-” and he mimicked a waterbending move, “-to stock the Imperial Army. Or, as in short: They feed you. They cloth you. They will die for you. And they are not part of the government.” 

He took a breath, then carried on. “The Magistrates, or to be more accurate, the nobles, are the ones that run the government. The same nobles that were made  _ quite  _ upset when your Empress, then not an Empress, ordered the arrests of most of them. These are the same nobles who have held inherited titles across the continent since I was a boy. The last names change, the land they hold might change, but it’s always been a persistent society. Your predecessor was the ultimate example of what this continent can produce. A puppet who didn’t know there was anything outside of the red walls of the Palace. A puppet who was managed by the Court. A puppet who everyone loved, because he was easygoing and… an idiot. The predecessor’s successor was about as far from him as someone can be. The only thing in common is both have the potential to be puppets because both are more interested in activities that aren’t rulership. Now, while  _ you  _ may not have faced much in the way of problems, beyond a few daggers in the back, the Court has it’s preferences. And this other dynasty is more preferential because the Empire is one of persistence where nothing changes.”  _ Can you stop calling it all ‘persistence’? Stop calling it ‘preference’? Pick a different word?  _

I sensed a pause, so I asked a question. “Why not inform me of any of this?” “I did, my pupil. You just have the subtlety of a drunk dancer.”  _ You did? When? The warnings about ‘the people’?  _ “I say you didn’t,” I proclaimed. “I’m giving you the warning  _ now _ , my pupil. This Kuei may be abdicated, but he has lots of support for the Badgermole Throne. The one thing he doesn’t have is what you two possess in bountiful amounts.”  _ Hmm. _ I took a guess. “An unbreakable union?”  _ The Empress and I are nothing if not loyal and honest to one another _ . “He’s not in any unions, or that’d be two things.” “Courage?” “No,  _ close _ .” “Martial prowess?” He gave that smirk of his. “So while he may have the support of the old nobility, you two have the support of the people.” Yet again, all the pieces suddenly made sense.

That’s why the Green Headbands were technically,  _ technically _ , fighting for ‘the Empress’. They  _ were  _ fighting for our side. It’s why they didn’t kill me when I went off to help them hunt down some law-breaking Acolytes. It’s why… “It’s why you defended them after that night at Hahn’s.”  _ A night oh so long ago _ . He nodded.  _ It’s why they’ve never struck down a member of the Imperial Guard.  _

“What is your advice, Imperial Tutor?” and I offered him a bow for submission’s sake. I didn’t need to, but I did it anyway. “You’d like your kin back, right?”  _ Are they my kin? Oh, well if they’re from Kyoshi Island, they might as well be _ . “I would.” “Good. You’re still loyal to your ancestor’s insanely devoted traditions.” He then carried on the response. “This Huan isn’t going to just give up his new… servants… lightly. I would recommend ignoring him in Ba Sing Se and sending a force to grab Xintao itself.”  _ So… _ “So dispatch a force to arrest his entire household in Xintao?” “If you’re tactical about it, you can sweep up southern Liaoyang in one fell swoop.”  _ Right. All the residences of these Magistrates are there _ . “So send in the loyal-to-us Imperial Army to put all of the former royals under house arrest?” 

“That might work. Might.”  _ Let me just get this straight _ . “You said earlier that you had no proof for the dynasty going after us on  _ this  _ attempt, you just want me to do it now for some reason?” He sighed. “ _ For some reason. _ That’s correct. Now and not a season from now.”  _ But why?  _ “But why?” “Because now is the right time to snuff out their chance at gaining political power. Now, before the Banner Armies give the Governors an unforeseen amount of power.”  _ Right. The Banner Armies. Regionalizing the military _ .  _ We’re bound to have someone who could be loyal gain control of one of those forces.  _

“So… am I allowed to arrest Huan?” “I’ll get you the papers by tonight for proof of his involvement behind last night’s attempt.” _But…_ I thought I was losing my mind. “But you just said you had no proof.” “Oh, I don’t!” he snorted. “I’ve just brought the end to three different dynasties before. Nobody cares about the truth.” He proceeded to laugh to himself, like all of this was some kind of joke. Except it wasn’t. His tone was dead serious. 

“What of Kuei? Is there a chance they’ll try to reinstate him?” “There’s a  _ chance _ , sure. But for a matter such as that, he has allies beyond this Empire’s capital.”  _ What do you mean ‘beyond’ _ . “What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean?” “You’ve got to be an idiot. Think.  _ Think _ . Who of all people would benefit from a puppet on the throne?”  _ Well… I can think of a few. The Court. As we said. And to some extent, the old nobility _ . I countered with “Who?” since I wanted to listen to his wisdom. 

He pointed at my Imperial Informal Robe. “Do you see the other heraldry on your clothes?” I tugged on it and looked at an upside-down fan and an upside-down flying boar.  _ Yes. Who else would have something to gain from a puppet king _ . “My father-in-law.” “The Lord of Gaoling is  _ not  _ your father-in-law. You were never officially wed to the Lady Toph of the House of the Flying Boar. You eloped too early.”  _ But…  _ This statement brought me back.  _ Very far back in time. Not that long ago, and yet, long ago _ .

Back to a time when I was just a confused young man who, one moment, was sleeping soundly, granted not peacefully, the Fire Princess made sure of that, but soundly, in a bed in Shirahama. And the next moment, I was in a carriage on the way to ‘fulfill my side’s end of the deal’. An event that’s so old it feels like an entire lifetime ago.  _ So much has happened since then. Running north, the scams, the occasional vigilantism, assassination attempts, martial practice, an unexpected meeting with an unexpected tank-train, an expected meeting with an expected tank-train occupant who had plans, those plans then being fulfilled, our side and hers, and then the day when the dragonsfire fell, then the Throne… then on and on, until now _ . 

And yet, from all of this, I had made the incorrect assumption. “But then why did Lao so heavily insist on consummation before an official ceremony?” “Because he’s the Lord of Gaoling, and the Lords of Gaoling never made investments unless they knew they were going to turn a profit.”  _ Go figure. The man who treated us like tradable goods treated us like tradable goods _ . “Besides, lovemaking is an allure all to its own. He was probably hoping you’d get seduced by all the…  _ perks _ of your new position.”  _ Except… not, because Kyoshi's Ethics. And because Toph and I had other ideas _ . All of this came together to yet another conclusion.

“Lao. He’s the one behind the other attempts on my life… recently. Since I’ve been attacked in the previous days.” “Oh, I  _ know _ .” And he wagged his finger at me. “Possibly. These assassins were of the handiwork of a school out of Wahee, but then again such a school has assassins taking contracts from everyone.” Nonetheless, he tapped his finger and his leg. “Possibly. You, my pupil, may have…” he continued tapping it, “...you, my pupil, may have, for once, beat me at my own omniscience.” He pulled the whiskey flask from his side and guzzled it. “It means I’m not drunk enough!” Then drank up the entire flask. 

“What if it’s Lao  _ and  _ this Huan?”  _ That would also make sense _ . “Your not-father-in-law is many things, but he wants his daughter back. He’d never have her killed. Just have the man who stole her away.”  _ I didn’t steal her away _ . “I didn’t steal her anywhere.” “And you ruined his investments.”  _ I didn’t steal her.  _ “The  _ deal  _ was that the two of us would get to travel as we wished.” The Imperial Tutor sighed. “ _ Once you produced an earthbending heir.  _ He assumed it’d be the Avatar since the Air Avatar was about to die, the Water Avatar would die in the North Pole, meaning the time was right.”  _ Of course. The Sages and their nonsense prophecies designed to scam him out of money _ . “Those Sages were quite scummy.”  _ Those Sages caused… all this. In the name of some ‘prophecy’. _

“There may be truth to their words. Or not. I don’t believe in prophecies. It’s all a load of feely-goody stuff. What  _ is  _ true is that you would probably produce a strong earthbending heir. Avatar’s blood is quite… special.”  _ Ha. Like it’s helped me in any regard _ . “It hasn’t given me any advantages.” “That’s incorrect. You’re tall.”  _ Fair. I’m tall. But… that’s also because I ate well and did more important things than learn mathematics. Still don’t know it, still don’t care. The Empress can’t read or write.  _

“Lao and Huan plotting to put Kuei back on the throne?” was the random pieced together idea I spewed from my mouth. He licked a trace of the liquid refreshment from his lips. “That’d make sense. Lao would tighten his stranglehold on the Mo Ce shipping lanes and the old dynasty would get its power back.”  _ There’s a way to resolve all of this. Silently. Deadly. And precisely.  _ “Why not send in the Dai Li.” I was given the response of a man snickering like a madman. Now, this isn’t a mere madman, so that’s just all the more concerning. 

“The Dai Li are loyal to the Badgermole Throne. Sure. Send them in. When the  _ entire  _ once-royal family vanishes in a puff of smoke, I’m  _ sure  _ nobody’s going to wonder  _ where  _ oh  _ where  _ they went. And… the Dai Li? Really? Didn’t you have a run in with a certain high-ranked member the other season who proceeded to torture you until you confessed?”  _ Did I? What?  _ “I don’t really remember such an event. I remember the shin-kicking and that’s about it.” “For your sake, I hope whatever agent did that has been punished and found guilty.”  _ I… recall Xuan telling me that said agent was punished.  _ “I was informed that the agent was executed.” “Informed... _ by _ ?” he trailed off. “The Head of the Dai Li.”

“That’s like asking the General of Pandimu for his review of the Yellow Necks.”  _ Who… what… huh… what… Wait.  _ “You mean Xu Ping An?” “Last I checked he’s Xu  _ Squished  _ An, considering his deformed twisted body was the handiwork of, right, right, your sixteen year old ancestor.”  _ Go you, Kyoshi! Kill someone like thrice your age with the power of the Avatar State!  _ Anyways… “What do you have against the Head of the Dai Li?”  _ He seems like a reliable, if intimidating, man _ . “As he’s said to you, his loyalties are to the Badgermole Throne, not Your Majesty.”  _ Which means for the sake of this endeavour, I can’t use him _ . 

I looked up at the Sun. The day was turning to midday. If even  _ some  _ of what the Imperial Tutor said was true, then I best make arrangements ahead of time. “In conclusion, Imperial Tutor:” I took a moment to pause and  _ really  _ put this nonsense together. “There’s this man who was responsible for previous assassination attempts and he wants to kill us to gain even more political power for his dynasty. He’s going to be coming to Ba Sing Se soon-” he cut me off. “-Tomorrow, or maybe this evening-” I carried on. “-and you want me to, at the same time as he’s here, send people to Xintao to arrest his household and free my kin-” He interrupted me to correct me. “-who are currently held against their will-” I continued. “-while also preparing to...arrest… this Kuei should he dare return.” 

He nodded. “You’ll also have some executions to attend to, since unless my sources are lying, many captured Acolytes did do the things the Imperial Army claimed they did. And many of those crimes are very executable.”  _ Of course. I forgot about that because of, you know, the assassination attempt. Being stabbed hurts. So… in conclusion, again _ . “Ignore Huan, go to Xintao, arrest the household, free my kin, execute some criminals who violated Kyoshi’s Ethics.” “That’s right. That’s all correct” and he gave me that creepy thin smile of his. 

_ But there’s one more question _ . “What of the Imperial Court? If they’re loyal to the previous dynasty-” he interrupted me. “-They’re loyal to their ambitions. They won’t do anything other than be the Imperial Court. Just know that they vehemently hate you.”  _ That’s not reassuring, but it’s not not reassuring. It’s… it’s not an issue. They’re not an issue. Right now _ .  _ Not right now.  _

The Imperial Tutor got up to offer me a full kowtow. “I’ll get everything I can get tonight. Tomorrow I’m going to be going to Caldera. I have… business there.”  _ Business _ . “What kind of business?” “The kind that’s a business kind.” His vagueness knows no bounds.  _ I won’t get him to reveal it. Will I? Probably something related to killing a bunch of officials that I’m not supposed to legally know about _ . “Any further information?” “I have to pay some people some visits.”  _ Yet again, why bother? He’ll be vague. He works in shadowy ways. _

I offered him a bow too. The two of us began walking towards the Imperial Palace, now glimmering beautifully like a gem under the Sun. “Any final remarks, Imperial Tutor?” He coughed. “The Colonies are going to be a source of conflict soon. The former Lord of Gaoling has ambitions and those ambitions are going to build to  _ something _ . I believe he’s going to host some meeting with the highest ranked officials of the Southern Water Tribe soon, to help them rebuild and all that idealistic nonsense that’s used as an excuse to insert his political power somewhere. Their forces will likely also be there. And, as for the Avatar? The Avatar does still pose a threat to the Empire since he’s a walking populist rebellion waiting to happen. Not that he knows it, he’s an idiot. But the idea, the threat, is there.” 

“Any requests, Imperial Tutor?” He tapped my back. “Solidify your legitimacy as the rightful monarchs in any way possible. I will continue to insist that an heir is the smartest play. If not that, then at least join your lines, officially, in a marriage. You owe me for ensuring your blood relatives are granted the title of Prince and Princess, but I ask no repayments. I’m proud that my descendants have been able to achieve so much” and he gave a far more… grandfatherly smile.  _ In a marriage, but…  _ “Isn’t marriage a bit...far?” 

_ Thanks, now I’m blushing _ . “I still suggest it. The two of you have affinity for the other, allow one another to confess your feelings. You might as well get something political from it.”  _ You have to phrase it so weirdly _ . “What else?” I asked, changing the conversation. “You  _ want  _ the Empress to succeed, right?” I didn’t need to do anything. He knew the answer. “Next time the two of you are in bed together, discuss having her attend Court. Encourage her to try ruling more. Convince her to. No matter what.” He stopped, leaned over, and looked me in my one good eye. “ _ No matter what _ . Convince her.” 

I had one last,  _ really _ , question. “What if loyalties come into question.” “You are her closest ally. You’d never betray her. You’ll never admit it, but you love her. That’s why you must help her before she does something that hurts us all. Before she does something that brings about her own downfall.” He gave me a final bow. “ _ Don’t mess this up. _ ”

The phantom vanished. 

I had a night of planning ahead of me. And I’d get to it. 

_ Tomorrow, it’s time to execute some criminals. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, actions and reactions. Blood will be spilled.
> 
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -The chapter's title, explained: Kuei was the previous person to sit on the Badgermole Throne. He was the 52nd Earth King. And when a dragon crashed into his Palace, he surrendered to Azula. He abdicated for a 'puppet' to take his place. Had he stood and fought... this whole story may not have happened.  
> -Assassin's weapon of choice is the Kusarigama: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kusarigama . It's perfect for assassins, since it looks like a regular sickle and it's easy to hide in a cloak.  
> -Assassin's secondary weapon of choice is the Kunai: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kunai . Also perfect for assassins, since it's concealable.  
> -Assassin's escape weapon are caltrops: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caltrop (Japanese version: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Makibishi) . Also concealable, it's great for stopping pursuers.  
> -There's a few ex-machina punkers. Toph will defeat everyone at once? Not if her opponents are on the bed. The Dai Li are here? The fight takes only a few seconds (one second = one miao). Mori's getting grabbed with regular chains? They're sickle-chains and they're burying themselves in his arms.  
> -Why does Mori keep getting beaten up by assassins? They're assassins  
> -Yes, Lao Ge tutors Toph in earthbending. The two have long discussions on the nuances of earthbending.  
> -Prince of Haidian is a customary title, akin to 'Prince of Wales' for England. The Upper Ring was once a set of Principalities. Why Princes and not "King of Haidian"? It's part of the self-centered nature of the Earth Kings. A minor Prince of a small piece of land is more powerful than a Magistrate of a commandery 10x as large.  
> -Xintao is in southeastern Liaoyang.  
> -The custom of giving the previous dynasty a minor hereditary title is something that happened in Imperial China, so I transmitted it over here since the Badgermole Throne has also had a variety of dynastyholders. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marquis_of_Extended_Grace  
> -As always with the Imperial Tutor, I'm not going to explain everything he's said.  
> -Yes, many of his statements are eerily reminiscent of the second to last chapter of 'Records'.


	89. An Imperial Arrest, a Royal Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor hunts down a Prince.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Five:

As much as I would ever think I knew myself, there were always going to be things that just… scare me. The kind of fright you get when looking out into the darkness and wondering, no,  _ knowing _ that something is looking back. I used to have that fear, in fact. Back on Kyoshi Island, sometimes in the middle of winter, I’d look out from my little thatch home lit with it’s one fireplace and out into the snowy darkness. Sometimes it’d be clear enough that there’d be moonlight giving a little visibility over the clearing between our house and the forest. But not always. 

And sometimes, I’d be looking out the window and I’d go ‘someone’s out there. I’m sure of it.’ My uncle, then I’d call him father, and my cousin, back then I’d call her my sister, would reassure me that ‘Nobody’s out there’. But I  _ knew  _ it. I couldn’t explain why I knew it. I just knew it. It felt like it was real. And it was that fear that gave me many troubled sleeps. This feeling that  _ someone  _ was out there. A couple times my  _ ‘father’  _ would take a lantern and try to go out just to confirm that nobody was out there. And, sure, it reassured me. But I  _ knew  _ that something was out there. Sometimes I thought I heard falling trees, or light rumbles, but this was attributed to just me being a child. 

This fear was confirmed by the Imperial Tutor on his last night in the capital. I thought we were departing midday, but he randomly appeared out of seemingly nowhere after I finished my… plans… for the next day. I asked him and he confirmed it all. “Yes, I used to roam the forests of Kyoshi Island. I used to sometimes… help where I could. I’d gather firewood and drop it off in the communal pile.” “Why scare me?” I asked, choking on my own words. 

“Because most of life's stuff like that. Unknowns you’ll never have the answer to and the most you can do is piece what you do know together, hoping to make sense of it. The smartest collect all the pieces they can. I’m still looking for pieces.”  _ You’re still looking? And you’re as old as the world.  _ This didn’t reassure me. “Why make me spend many nights tossing and turning,  _ knowing  _ something was out there?” He coughed. “It was preparation for life to come. You’re a monarch now, there’s far scarier things that go bump in the night than  _ me _ .” 

As always,  _ he acts like the present was known in the past. But it wasn’t.  _ “But you didn’t know I’d be a monarch.” “Doesn’t matter.” What was even more unsettling was that this man… he’s barely a ‘man’... is the personification of all those terrors. He truly does lurk in shadow and in silence. He might as well be the Spirit of Death, incarnate. He decides when one’s life is done and he executes that judgement. Nobody knows what his rational is beyond ‘tyrant, innocent, tyrant, innocent’. The most one can hope for is that he gives them a quick painless end. This… ethereal being…  _ did  _ lurk in the darkness. He prowled it. And for better or worse, those terrifying nights were just the beginning of things to come.

There were always going to be things that just...scare me. The night afterwards -he vanished, his final warning a mumble on ‘don’t mess this up’- I went to lie with the Empress. As always, there’s not that much in my day,  _ er, night _ , that brings me as much enjoyment. There’s something so wonderful about being a pillow and rubbing one’s hair and having two arms tightly wrap around oneself for the purpose of fulfilling pillowy duties. Or the yawning. Or those times when said Empress will kick off her blanket and I’ll reach over and pull it back up to her. My only reward would be her slightly adjusting her position to rest in the nook of my collarbone, or the nook of my arm. But it was good enough. This gentle sleep wasn’t as gentle for me. 

I had this same ‘looking into the darkness’ fear. The Imperial Tutor doesn’t make demands. But he was  _ demanding  _ I try and exert personal influence over the Empress. The Dragon of the West while in the attire of the Grand Lotus told me that I ‘owed it to the Four Nations’ or something like that to bring the Empress back to reason. Last and first to the warning, coincidentally, the ex-Fire Lord, from her haunting cell where a blue palm illuminated her face, told me that I should be the one ruling the Empire. She tried to convince me to. She was actively trying to get me to co-rule. And the most unnerving part? She was saying it with a… regular tone. Like what little sense of ‘care’ she did have… came out then. I don’t even remember if there were other people giving this advice. 

The three of them stuck out. To two of these, the title of mentor could apply. One taught me with lightning-tipped fingers, the other taught me with a cold voice filled with entire  _ eras  _ of experience. To two of these, the title of advisor,  _ one for the Empire, one in Caldera _ , could apply. All three had different backgrounds, different circumstances to meet me, different agendas, and they all agreed that I was supposed to use my influence on my Empress. Not just use my influence, but sway my Empress, my Toph, over to do... _ what, exactly? _ .  _ Did any of them ever really explain it?  _

It seems like they wanted me to sway Toph away from opinions that she believed for their purposes. After so much mental battering, _the three of them, all their experience, legends, up against me and my tree self. Surely they’re right_... I finally buckled. It was late into the night when I finally felt the urge to do something. I was terrified of waking the spread-out Empress, but I _had_ to. For her sake. I don’t keep secrets. 

“Toph?” I lightly ran my hand over her messy bed hair, searching for the base of her hair’s roots. “Mhm?” she mumbled. Her mouth was lodged in my collarbone and far from a position to speak with great clarity. “I…” My mind began a battle with itself. On one side:  _ ‘No, you want her to attend Court. She has obligations and responsibilities.’  _ On the other side:  _ ‘Yes, she’s Toph. She doesn’t have responsibilities, she’s the Empress of Ten Thousand Years.’ ‘But other monarchs attend their council. Other monarchs-’ ‘Other monarchs are not Toph. Toph deserves to be Toph.’  _

“Yes, Kyoshi?” she brought her hand out of under my back to rub her own neck. She found my hand and gave some kind of happy remark before grabbing it and placing it  _ exactly  _ where she wanted some hair-scratching.  _ Hey it’s not my fault it’s the middle of night here and all I see of you is a silhouette _ . “I’ve…” 

_‘Everyone, from noble to commoner, must do their duty to the Empire,’_ the side of loyalty argued. _‘But the monarch also has a duty,’_ the Three’s advice countered. _‘She is your Empress. You swore to her. A promise like that is not broken.’ ‘But you can still advise her.’ ‘But your advice isn’t yours’._ “I’ve been recommended…” _‘Tell her the truth. That is your duty.’ ‘Tell her what you want.’ ‘Be quiet.’ ‘No.’_ this back and forth went on for a few _miao_. “...others have… are you…” I was stuttering while trying to say this. “...are you able to listen to something… grown up?” She mumbled a “Yeah” while I began scratching her hair. 

“Toph. I was told to… try and influence you against your own wishes.” This made her snap out of her half-asleep state. “ _ What _ ?” I felt her tug at my chest and the sheets just to her side. Then I felt the blanket get thrown backwards and crumple over my waist and legs. There were only two lanterns in the room, both far from the bed itself, but the new one to the right,  _ good for helping us look at windows _ , gave me enough illumination to see the Empress and her full head of hair. It fell all over the place, just the way she liked it. She was leaning back, resting on an elbow that was resting on my chest. Her other hand found my chest and she sharply said “Repeat that.” 

So I did. “Toph...I was told…”  _ Why are you sad? Because they’re all telling you not to do this? _ ... “...to try and influence you against your own wishes.” I heard the deep breaths she was taking. She didn’t admit that she was panting, but I heard them. Finally, what felt like a  _ dian _ later, she said “That’s the truth.”  _ It is _ .  _ Oh… it really is _ . “Who told you to do this?” I appreciated that that was her choice of first question, but I had a different one. I felt extremely remorseful, for the seasons of me hiding this ‘advice’ from her. 

“You’re not going to ask if I ever tried to influence you?” She happened to have her hand on my chest already. She blew on her bangs, giving me a chance to glimpse her faded seafoam green eyes. “I don’t think you would, Kyoshi.” “ _ Why _ ?” I felt… not like me when I asked that. “Because you’re my Kyoshi. You’d never do that. Right?” “That’s right-”  _ why do I feel so guilty? _ , “-Toph. It’s right. I never would.” She pulled her hand off my chest and slammed my shoulder with it, instead. “Good. I knew you’d never try to tell me what to do. Because you  _ get  _ me.”  _ That’s very true. I do ‘get’ you, Toph. And I never would _ . I wasn’t the one to wipe the tear from my face, she was. 

I wasn’t going to try and force her to do other’s bidding, but this didn’t stop me from asking questions. “Toph,  _ why  _ don’t you attend Court? We’re supposed to attend it, so why not?” This was a question I often wondered and never had the courage to ask. Except now I wanted to ask it. “Because it’s boring, and I’ve got better things to be doing with my time. Like this.” She then fell onto my chest.  _ And yet… that’s what I always hear.  _ “But  _ why _ ?” I was going to press for the sake of knowing. “Because it’s not the right thing to do. It’s  _ boring _ .” She stressed the boredom aspect.  _ That’s still not the answer. I know it isn’t _ . “But  _ why _ ?” Her voice changed. “Just ‘cause something is ‘the way it’s done’ doesn’t mean it’s right.”  _ Oh.  _ It hit me. She was lying on my chest and it hit me. “You’re not talking about Court, are you?” 

“Father”  _ Of course.  _ I held her while she just… rested… on me. “I was warned about Father’s rise in power in New Taku.”  _ Warned? Warned is… warned?  _ “Warned by who?” I asked, amazed that someone was giving her something of use for a change. “The friendly old man that teaches me earthbending.”  _ The… friendly… wait… earthbending?!?...  _ “The Imperial Tutor?” “Yeah. Him.” “He warned you? Why didn’t you tell me?”  _ Interesting. He’s telling her… what’s he telling her?  _ “I don’t… I don’t like to think about it. He robbed me of my entire life, he was going to imprison me for the rest of it, and now he’s allowed to escape… freely.” I stroked her hair since, while I couldn’t look, the tone of her voice suggested a far-from-the-usual Empress. 

“He runs a city,” I concluded the obvious. “I  _ know _ . Imagine what he’s doing to all those poor people!” she moved around a bit, probably trying to dig herself further into my arm. I added another obvious conclusion to help the two of us draw something of it, together. “He’s got the Avatar on his side” “I  _ know _ !” her voice was tight with pride and the inability to admit something distressing because of said pride. “Stupid Twinkletoes is going to get himself wed off to someone, or something like that,” and she scoffed.  _ The Avatar isn’t going to be politically married. Well… well…  _ “He already may, to Lady Katara, which secures an alliance with the Southern Water Tribe-” but Toph interrupted me “-who are building up a military out in the South Sea, right?”  _ By Kyoshi, she knows more than she lets on.  _ “That’s… right, who told-” she cut me off. “The Imperial Tutor.”  _ Of course he did.  _

“Kyoshi-” she grabbed my chest with both hands, forcing me to shake myself to look at her in the… top of the head. “We’ve got raiding pirates to our east, we had these waterbenders raiding us in the north, we’ve got those…  _ daofei  _ in the south, and we’ve got-” she cut herself off with a sniffle, so I said it for her “-your father-” “-in the west. How are we solving these issues?”  _ If… wait…  _ Before I’d answer that, I had a question. 

“So you don’t attend Court and rely on the Imperial Tutor for your news?” She yawned. “Him and the Grand Chancellor. They’re both honest.”  _ Honest, that’s… that doesn’t… but she’s also good at telling lies, so… I suppose she can take care of that part of talking to these people _ . “If you’re asking me how we’re going to solve them, that means the Court hasn’t solved them.” “No. I’ve been  _ told  _ solutions by people. Some fancy hunter people are our vassals in the north, we’re sending the navy east, and your sister’s going south to… do something.” It’s hard for Toph to fake knowledge, and I’m less sure if I should be upset at her sources of information or the events themselves. “And west?” I asked, since  _ I  _ don’t know what’s supposed to be to the west. “West is being solved by that old man who teaches you how to swing your sword.”  _ I don’t think that’s solving the west _ .  _ I don’t think this is solving the same west you’re thinking of. But… that just proves that either you or your sources are downplaying this _ . 

I thought of something else.  _ Priorities _ . “If all of this is the case, why do you spend all your time watch- er, listening to plays and going for strolls instead of-” but she put a hand on my chest and made me stop. “Because I don’t want to deal with all this. Plays are more fun. Strolls are more fun. Teaching metalbending is more fun.”  _ And here upon comes the problem that the three mentors explained _ .  _ Something is more fun, but one’s duty is more important.  _ “Toph, what matters more, one’s duty or having fun?” “Having fun. I spent fourteen years trapped inside a house, I deserve a little fun.”  _ And I spent almost as long on an island… though, I did get to have much more ‘fun’ than you did. By fun, I mean adventures. By adventures, I mean hiking around the island.  _

But, but, as I promised to myself, I wasn’t going to try and ‘influence’ her through the means recommended to me.  _ No. I said I’d be honest, I’ll be honest _ . “Did the Imperial Tutor tell you anything else you want to talk about?” “He told me that this Princeliness man wanted to  _ kill  _ me!” She leaned back from her lie-down and her eyes lifeless stared into my good one and my fake one. “Did he tell you the same thing?” she asked, running a finger along my chest.  _ I…  _ I told her the truth. “He suspected it.” “Was there anything he told you? Something involving ‘my kin’?”  _ Since he discussed it with me.  _ “He told me this Princeliness took your cousin prisoner because she tried to kill him.” 

_ What?  _ I accidentally threw Toph off the bed. That tends to be a reaction from someone launching themselves off a lie-down and becoming enraged. I looked around. The Imperial Guards ran in, hands on  _ dao  _ hilts. “Your Majesties?” the leader of them, Kotyan, asked. Toph somersaulted over to them,  _ I… sure _ , and forced them to hop out of her way. Then she stood up. “I’m fine. He’s fine.” “What were… Your Majesties…” but Kotyan didn’t continue that. “We were having some  _ Imperial  _ time alone and if you don’t give us some  _ Imperial  _ time alone I’m going to  _ Imperially  _ send you into the  _ Imperial…  _ Imperial Target Zone” and she closed her fist. The Imperial Guards kowtowed and left, the former King of the Xishan closing the door behind them. “Thank you!” I shouted… for the sake of politeness.

The Empress regained herself and sat up next to me. By impulse, I grabbed her cheeks to look her in the eyes. “Yeah. Your cousin. Not your sister. He said she tried to assassinate his brother for ‘doing something he isn’t supposed to do.”  _ Why didn’t the Imperial Tutor tell me? He… did. But he didn’t. He called her ‘kin’. He was vague. Why is he telling Toph the full details but not me? Why?  _ “Why did he tell you all that? All he told me was that she was ‘my kin’?”  _ Why is he lying _ ? “I asked him the same thing, ‘why not tell Kyoshi’ and he said something like ‘His Imperial Majesty needs to manage the Imperial Army’ with your fancy title and everything.” “But-” I accidentally shook her, “-you’re the Empress! You have so much more responsibility!” “I suppose I do.” she summoned a spittoon from her side of the bed and spat into it. “It doesn’t seem as hard to me as your campaigns are to you.”  _ I’m… a nonbender… and military matters are difficult _ .  _ And you’ve got earthbending. And absolute control over anything you so will. I have a thin later of bureaucracy to slice through _ .

“But…”  _ Sai _ , “...that’s my cousin! That’s my little cousin!” She rolled back onto me, one of her hands -she couldn’t see it- became entwined with some of my undone long hair. “That’s my baby cousin!”  _ That’s my dear Sai and… no.  _ “Toph.” I felt around for her hand and rubbed it a little. “ _ I have to go. That’s my baby cousin! _ ” I felt my voice wanting to break. She took her hand off. “I can send the Dai Li.”  _ No.  _ “No. Toph-”  _ the Imperial Tutor told me to not use the Dai Li _ , “-no Dai Li.” I rubbed her hand while she took some of my hair and gently ran her hands down to the ends. “I have to do this. That’s  _ my  _ cousin.” She put a hand on my chest and felt my racing heart. “Then go. I don’t sanction it. But… you’re the  _ Emperor _ … Go.” and she sat up and gave me a shoulder punch for “You can do it!” luck. 

I hopped out of bed, ran to the next bedroom over, and yelled “My Imperial Armor,  _ now _ ” before the attendants could even come inside and give me their compliments. Nan gave me an inquiring whine, ‘Where are you going in the middle of the night?’, I pointed at the bedroom. “Go back to Toph. Go back to sleep.” He whined sadly, sensing my passion and wanting some for himself. “ _ Go back to Toph _ .”  _ If something happens, I don’t want you to get hurt _ . Since this didn’t work, I yelled over to said Empress. “Toph! You want Nan to keep you company?” “Sure!” she shouted to him. Then I pointed at him and gave him a head-gesture. He went through the half-open door and went to join the Empress while she went back to sleep. 

I didn’t change into some fancy underclothing for the sake of  _ looking  _ fancy, I just put on the underclothes that came with the Imperial Armor. My hair was done up quite loosely into a topknot,  _ no time for fancy queueing _ . Then the armor itself, all the knots and pieces needing to be tied on. I refused to summon Zhu, instead telling the guards to “avoid telling him I’m going out”. Last but not least, I took along my preferred  _ jian _ , the normal one, and some daggers. 

I ran over to the Imperial Study. Sure enough, thereupon my desk sat a paper dictating the affiliation of one Huan, Magistrate of Xintao, and a contact who in turn hired assassins for a  _ previous  _ attempt on my life, an attempt from a few days ago.  _ Was that why I was attacked outside the tavern? Or was this from back when I was riding back from the early morning Council meeting?  _ It didn’t matter. It was enough. 

I found a document, also courtesy the Imperial Tutor, stating where this Huan would be, some tavern out in the Upper Ring. I had an address and I had directions and that was all that was needed.  _ I know the city well enough _ . There was to be no informing of anyone that I was departing. As such, no grand heralds announcing my titles, no Imperial Procession, no entourage of attendants and courtiers, none of it. Instead, when I got to the Thousand Steps, I called for “Two platoons of Imperial Guards” to join me. Apparently ‘a Captain volunteered’ to join me, which saved me the hassle of appointing a second in command. 

It was the slow start of twilight when the gathered men and I set out from the Imperial Palace Grounds through the prestigious South Gate. Some notes on our organization: Two of the men were flying the Imperial Standard, two others had the regular Empire flag, all our ostrich horses had armored barding and mine had it’s iconic blue, and it just so happened that the Captain ‘who volunteered’ was none other than Taishi. 

He asked “Why is Your Majesty riding out in battle dress at  _ Sigeng  _ and two  _ dian _ ?” and I explained it as “My cousin was taken prisoner by this Prince. Is there anything else that needs to be said?” He obediently nodded. “That’s as good a reason as any, Your Majesty.” With this, he didn’t ask anything else, just as promised. And neither did the Imperial Guards. I suppose the others could sense my drive. 

It was nearing the end of twilight, the pinkish sky in the east a harbinger of the oncoming dawn, when we made the final right turn off a side road that, in turn, was a turn off the Central Axis Road, and arrived at the front of this fancy establishment. I paraded around the front before coming to a halt. Some commotion was heard inside. I stayed mounted until someone came outside. Someone  _ did _ .

A dozen men, in fact. At the head of this little flock was a man with night-black hair done into a queue wearing a  _ chaofu  _ ordained with earth coin motifs. He had a  _ dao  _ scabbard at his side. He looked like a nobleman, through and through. With him was a man who looked  _ just  _ like a deputy minister I recall seeing at Court, dressed in a regular green robe with small gold trim, the same kind of robe most business owners would wear. To the queued man’s other side, another man in the outfit of a bodyguard with a  _ dao  _ scabbard at his side. They were joined with a few other men, also dressed like bodyguards with matching green-and-brighter-yellow tunics, all also armed with  _ dao  _ scabbards. 

“Your Majesty, it’s quite prestigious to see you here!” the man who looked like a minister announced before kowtowing. “Do you happen to be this tavern’s proprietor?” I asked, looking at him, then at the black-haired man, then at the tavern. “I am, Your Majesty.” “I am looking for Huan.” The tavern proprietor backstepped, letting the nobleman take a pace forward. “This is Prince Huan.”  _ Of course it is _ . I hopped off my ostrich horse. Taishi grabbed the lead and pulled it to the side. 

As I walked towards this man, his bodyguard commander,  _ or whatever you are _ , loudly said “Not a step closer to His Highness!” So I didn’t take a step forward. Instead I rested my hand on my blade’s hilt. “Prince, I’m looking for my cousin Sai. She’s quite brash and confident. And short… last I saw her at least. She’s got auburn hair, just like mine, pulled into a Kyoshi Islander style  _ chonmage _ . Perhaps you know where she is?” The proprietor chimed in “What’s the meaning of this, Your Majesty?” in an unbiased way. This ‘Prince’, on the contrary, was happy to declare “I have her.”

I drew my blade. The Imperial Guards drew theirs. His bodyguards and his bodyguard’s Captain drew theirs. All at the same time. “Wait, wait, wait, wait!” the proprietor ran in between the two groups. “I’ll get the Dai Li. No… no… I’ll get the Home Army.” Then he ran back inside. I glanced up at the second story, just in case someone had some ideas. Nope. Just a couple topless women watching us. So I refocused on this Prince fellow. 

“Why was a Princess of the Empire taken, exactly?” “She broke the law while in my town.” “ _ What was she doing in your town? _ ”, no, I didn’t bother with the formal voice. His Captain pointed his blade at my neck, albeit he was some twenty feet away. “If you dare to threaten my Prince again-” but I cut him off with a single laugh. “Threaten? You clearly mean ‘cut his head  _ right  _ off.’ I’ve always wanted to know if my predecessor’s holy dynasty bled like the rest of us, or if they just sat around populating the Imperial Palace Grounds with offspring.” The Prince didn’t budge. 

“Kill me, your cousin’s going to be executed,” he said with his  _ oh, so, noble  _ tone. I gave him a nod. “I don’t think you understand, I want my cousin back.” Then I looked at Taishi for a moment, then at Huan, and to the latter I raised my blade so that it’s tip would be pointing at his neck. “He’s a Prince. We’re men of our word. Arrest him. Kill the rest.” I looked at my men while they hesitated. “ _ Now _ .” and I rolled my hand over itself. “ _ Thank you. _ ”

The bodyguards charged us. Some Imperial Guards pulled blocks of earth out to hammer them with, others didn’t have the time too. Three bodyguards were killed immediately with blows to the head. Huan sliced one of ours in the face before holding off three of ours at bladepoint. After he hilt-slammed one of ours in the face, the other three stayed back. His captain held off two of ours, not faring as well. I had one bodyguard single me out and sidestepped him, hacking the side of his neck open with a slice. Taishi and a couple others flanked the bodyguards, our  _ dao  _ can cut through their sorry excuse of ceremonial robes, theirs can’t cut through ours. We could, very easily, just swamp them with greater numbers  _ and  _ greater quality.

Huan’s Captain singled me out and charged me. He came down with a strike from above, I blocked it, then caught his  _ dao  _ in a blade lock. He definitely didn’t see my next move. Pulling a dagger from my waist, I plunged it right through his left eye and felt it go out the back of his head. This caught the attention of the Huan, who was… attentive to say the least. If his face could speak it’d say  _ ‘The One-Eyed Badgermole’s real _ ’. 

The last of his bodyguards met their fates with slices to their legs, shoves into walls, boulders to heads, or earth spikes. This Princely Prince took his gem-hilted  _ dao  _ and waved it around in a proud circle, driving the Imperial Guards around him backwards. They couldn’t kill him, the orders were explicitly against it.  _ Now, on to you, Huan _ .

“I offer you surrender.” I blocked his strike and he backpedaled. “The One-Eyed Badgermole’s not known for parleys.” He said while trying to cut my chest open. I blocked it. I could counter his smugness with some of my own. “What  _ is  _ the One-Eyed Badgermole known for?” “Ruthlessness.” I let him go on with the offensive strikes,  _ wear yourself out, go ahead _ . He tried to cut into my padded helmet, I blocked it and pushed him back. “What’s the Prince of Xintao known for?” I mockingly asked. Then he took one hand off his blade and tried to punch me in the face.

I stepped to the side and swept his footing out from under him. He was watching my grinning face the whole time.  _ Oh, you’re an awful fighter. I’m so happy to have someone to practice with _ . He got back up, I waved him forward and made sure he stepped  _ right  _ over the dead captain and his bloodied head. He tried to chop me again, I blocked the strike again. I wasn’t going for any kind of killing move, just make him exhausted. Others had other ideas. 

One of the Imperial Guards kicked up a small rock that struck the Magistrate  _ right  _ in the back. He fell forward, his blade flying out of his hand and clattering to a halt at my feet. All I could make of this was ‘ _ who in Kyoshi did that? _ ’ I was robbed of having a duel and  _ proving  _ that our dynasty’s superior to the previous one through a duel… but  _ no. Now he’s going to think we’re a bunch of dishonorable jerks _ . 

I spotted the really confident looking man who caused that,  _ you can tell by his grin _ . So I punched him in the face and tossed him to the ground. I whispered a “You idiot” to him and all his fellow Imperial Guardsmen watched his expression change from confidence to terror. Then I spun around and pointed the edge of my  _ jian _ , still dripping with blood, at this Huan. “I want my little cousin.” 

I pulled a cloth from my waist, cleaned my blade off, and sheathed it. Then I fetched the dagger, it required rolling the dead captain over, cleaned it too, and stuck it back into it’s small sheath. “Take the Prince, or the Magistrate, or whatever he is.” Taishi asked “What about the wounded guards?” and I looked around. We’d lost none, they lost everything. None because the helmets prevent all the _dao_ cross-slices. There were wounded guards, the man with a slice to the face was bleeding from his cheeks and his nose. _No, wait,_ _six… thanks to some man with a broken nose who was an idiot, by the way_. “Take care of what you have to take care of, I’m going back to the Palace.” 

While the Prince was tied up, I looked up at the tavern. The same topless women were there, clearly quite entertained by half this street being blood. I had a hunch this wasn’t a tavern, but that would’ve just made the next question all the more interesting. “Where did the proprietor go?” “We don’t know, though if you come in here, you might find him!” one of them responded. As expected, the others gave quite euphemistic remarks about people that can be inserted into locations.  _ Do all of you only see things for their… actually yes, you do see things purely for that kind of value.  _ I rolled my good eye and pondered kicking the door down or leaving it as it. My interest was dropped by the arrival of an ostrich-horse drawn cart. I gave the driver two gold pieces “To repay you while I borrow your cart to go back to the Palace” and we loaded the Prince onto the back of it, bound, gagged, and knocked out. 

“As this arrest was done in Ba Sing Se, it falls to us to review first-” the Head of the Dai Li said while both his hands were brought together on his desk. He cordially added a “- _ Your Majesty _ ” at the end.  _ Dai Li. Always so stringent _ . “Present the paper.” I pulled the document from earlier out of my armor and handed it to him. He unscrolled it and read it through and through. With the same stone tone, he placed it on the desk and said “Why didn’t the Imperial Tutor inform us of this first?” To others, this may be a point of surprise. New information and all that. To the Commander, it meant no special treatment. I tried to think about  _ why  _ the Imperial Tutor didn’t tell them and all I could reference was his seeming disregard for the Dai Li’s practices.  _ Don’t involve the Dai Li in this _ and all that.

“I don’t know,” I replied, honestly. “Interesting. He provides you with the material for an arrest yesterday, but today I am informed he is… not in the capital at all.”  _ That sounds accurate. But how do you know that?  _ “Are you tracking his every move or something?” The Commander gave a slight nod. “Any who request it are given a Dai Li detail, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s how. They were with him.  _ “I don’t know, Commander. I know he was, or rather is, going west to Caldera.” The Commander gestured to a seat, his wife pulled the chair out for me to sit down on. So I sat down. She also retrieved some refreshment for me and the guards waiting outside.

“What did he tell you about his plans?”  _ What did he tell me?  _ “He didn’t really tell me anything,” I said, far from joking.  _ It’s also not a lie _ . “The Imperial Tutor doesn’t tutor?” the rock gloves pattered the desk while said man laughed.  _ Laughed _ . “The Imperial Tutor has other business. I don’t know what business.” I hope he appreciated my honesty. “Why…” but he paused, the rock gloves stopped pattering, “...of course. The Imperial Tutor is off to secure an alliance with the Fire Nation.” 

“What?” was all I had as a response. “An alliance. We lack such with the Fire Nation. We could do with having one, should either Water Tribe dare attack.”  _ But… I’ve had this conversation before _ . “I already  _ made  _ an alliance with Fire Lord Zuko.” “Your Majesty made a mutual defensive pact against the Northern Water Tribe. Such pacts are temporary. An alliance may require more permanent solutions.”  _ What in the name of Kyoshi is a ‘permanent solution’?  _ “What is a permanent solution to all this?” “Has Your Majesty ever read up on how our ancestors solved this?”  _ I have, but it was always a land deal or something of that type _ .  _ Which, coincidentally, was done _ .

“Yes. We gave them the Western Air Temple.” He nodded.  _ So we’re in agreement. They can have that set of mountains with an odd assortment of villages all over the place, tucked away in hills and along hidden inlets _ . “And that would be part of it. It’s also possible the Fire Lord would like a political marriage at some point in the future.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ “Political…  _ marriage _ ?” I stomped on the floor.  _ Political marriage. No _ . 

“The Badgermole Throne is  _ not _ marrying a child that doesn’t exist to our heir that also doesn’t exist. Unless you refer to one of  _ us _ … which…”  _ there’s so much wrong with this it deserves it’s own entire explanation of why it’s a terrible idea _ . “That’s how it would traditionally be done, Your Majesty. And… it would be the best way to go about with an alliance. Personally,-” he turned his head towards the wall then back towards me, “-I doubt it because of the reasons you gave.”  _ And you missed the part where both parties’ countries resent the other for the past hundred years of conflict _ .  _ An earthbending Fire… Lady… seems a bit… odd. _

The Dai Li,  _ no,  _ the Head of the Dai Li rarely makes claims he can’t defend. So I challenged him as I wanted answers. “Then how would he secure an alliance?” “Promise something the Fire Lord wants. If I had to guess, it might be a single one of our biplanes. Sabotaged, of course, we wouldn’t want the Fire Nation’s technological prowess to suddenly discover the secret to powered heavier-than-air flight. But a biplane.”  _ Sabotaged? That’s brilliant… and Imperial of you. But also… _

“Commander, don’t they already have it? The Colonies are an inroad for them to gain access to the technology.” He nodded. “They are. And it’s possible the Fire Nation already has working models. I know for certainty that the Colonials have mass-produced our biplanes for us. If not that, then one of the many other superior pieces of technology we have that they do not.”  _ Superior… What options do we have, though?  _ “When I met with Zuko, he practically begged for our secrets to running intelligence.” I couldn’t say the next planned sentence,  _ we wouldn’t give it to him _ , the Commander spoke during the break. 

“Secrets he won’t get. Secrets that don’t leave Ba Sing Se. Secrets that don’t leave the Dai Li. Secrets that don’t leave this desk.” I wondered, out loud, “Do  _ I  _ have access to such secrets? It would be good to reference, contextually, Imperial Memorials with the foresight of how our secret police will react to it.” “When you have properly completed your duties as a Consort. Which you have not done.”  _ ‘Proper duties as a Consort’. I need a whiskey, don’t I?  _ “Why is it that you, the Imperial Tutor, even random people unaffiliated with the Empire, are so, so, bent on heir-making?” 

The Head of the Dai Li tipped his conical hat back enough so that I could see his eyes. His  _ eyes _ . They weren’t as squinted as I thought. They appeared quite casual in how open they were. Jade eyes. Completely different from his emotionless mouth. “It’s the objectively correct advice, as you contain the blood of an Avatar, and Her Imperial Majesty the blood of royalty and the blood of powerful earthbenders. But none of that matters.  _ Who  _ told you. Who were these random people?” and he pointed at some cabinet behind us, his wife walked over to it, pulled out a piece of parchment, then passed it to him. 

“The Grand Lotus, I believe his rank is.”  _ I believe. _ “The White Lotus, seeking to curry favor with the Badgermole Throne.” and he wrote something down. Then his eyes moved up from his paper to stare.  _ Stare _ . “Did he offer you anything?”  _ I… what… uhh…  _ “No? Some tea and wisdom.” “Has he offered to be a councillor of some kind to you?”  _ I… you know… did he?  _ “I don’t remember. That  _ sounds  _ like the kind of thing he said to me when we met in the middle of the night in the Imperial Carriage. I was… well… kind of not totally awake. We had a battle coming up soon and...” I trailed off. “We take that as a yes. Thank you for being truthful.” He wrote a note and put said instrument down. 

“The White Lotus have no place hiring assassins.”  _ I’m very sorry, what?  _ “What in the holy name of Her Imperial Majesty are  _ you  _ on about?” “Did the Grand Lotus warn you about what happened if you  _ didn’t  _ listen to him?” and he looked me straight in my good eye with his jade ones.  _ That’s a very vague way of putting it.  _ “Yes?” I said it like a question because I’m certain he wasn’t referring to killing me. 

“Then this proves it. The White Lotus seek to topple Her Imperial Majesty for Her Imperial Majesty is completely antithetical to their law-breaking ideology. The Empire is not ‘friends’ with a nation of water-wenches, a nation of genocidal maniacs or a nation of one single hormonal young man. We are better than them. Ba Sing Se is better than them.”  _ I… are you going into a monologue? What did any of this have to do with any of what was previously said?  _

“What… what does this have to do with Zuko and an alliance.” “It’s reasons like this-” he laid his hands back out on the table, “-that we need an alliance. Because then we can push the Fire Nation to declare the White Lotus a similarly anarchist movement and bar it.” “But the Fire Lord’s own uncle is-” the Commander cut me off. “-going to vanish. And that will be that.”  _ Vanish? You can make the Dragon of the West… vanish? Really?  _ I made an argument for the organization. “The White Lotus won the Fire Nation during the closing stages of the Hundred Year War.” “And the White Lotus were our acquaintances. They were working for us. These fools are not our allies. The only ones of any respect are the ones that follow ethics similar to ours, and the Fire Nation is  _ still  _ what it is. The White Lotus of today stands against the rules Kyoshi put in place long ago.” 

_ But… Kyoshi was affiliated… to some extent… but…  _ “Wouldn’t Kyoshi herself see your actions as against her? I’m the first one to die for my ancestor, gladly, I just have to wonder.” He closed his fists. His bare fists, fists that show the many burn scars that verified his veteran status. “ _ No _ , when your organization includes chauvinistic Northern Water Tribesmen, or it doesn’t force members to abdicate their ranks so that top power players may still be members, then it goes against Kyoshi’s wishes.” I wasn’t going to push him, seeing his eyes gave me a signal to ‘leave it’. Besides, it’s not like I can disagree.  _ If he says that they hired assassins, and he is about as omniscient as the Imperial Tutor, but isn’t as vague, then… he might be onto something. _

“So you’re going to arrest the Grand Lotus for hiring assassins to kill… wait a  _ miao _ .  _ Iroh  _ would never do that.”  _ I can’t see him as being the type to.  _ “He might not, but he did warn you. And nobody is allowed to just push the Imperial Consort around. Nor can they exert influence on the Imperial Consort’s wishes.”  _ But… but…  _ “You’ve… well not denounced, but you’ve previously called me an Imperial Commander and nothing more.” 

“And  _ I  _ serve the Badgermole Throne first and foremost and am advising you on how to best navigate your head in the capital.” “Except you’re the Head of the Dai Li,” which, last I knew of, wasn’t the Imperial Tutor. “Who better to advise you than I? The secret police have done an exemplary job of holding this overpopulated city together and we’ve been institutionalized as such. If there’s anyone who knows how to stay alive, it’s probably us.” He made a valid point. I wasn’t going to contest it, mostly because I was more interested in a completely different organization. An organization whose results I was waiting for.

“What of  _ the Air Acolytes _ ?” “What of them, Your Majesty?”  _ Well that’s a good way to start this _ . “I gave a really heroic sounding speech the other day, then a bunch of trucks drove off to grab them.” He made an ‘ahh’ sound and pulled out some parchment from his desk’s drawer. “We had total success with the mission. The innocent Acolytes who were induced into joining through stupid idealism are going to be taught the error of their ways so that they may not fall into organizations such as that. The guilty ones, well as Your Majesty predicted, most of the organization’s chapters were populated by a variety of criminals. The highest ranked of these, gang leaders, have been imprisoned over at the Imperial Palace for summary-” he gave another one of his few  _ smiles _ , “- _ execution _ .” I wasn’t in such a smiling mood. 

“How did gang leaders join something that…”  _ I don’t really know how to describe the Air Acolytes _ , “...is officially as peaceful and nonviolent as the Acolytes?” “That’s for the Spirits to judge and decide, not us. Organizations are always corrupt. I have learned that the highest ranked individuals in any organization can be the most traitorous. The ones that hold the power can break the laws of the organization freely, since they hold the power. I believe, for instance, the agent that bruised your shins, he was a high-ranked agent who obtained clearance to do such. He is long dead, but the point stands.” 

_ The men of the Dai Li have these problems?  _ “Would you hold your own Dai Li to the same belief in corrupt agencies?” “The Dai Li cleans itself, if you will, of corruption quite often. There’s bound to be a few low-ranked agents with ill-intentions and they’re always executed. This rogue’s case was one where his ideology flipped and he took it upon himself to enact what he deemed justice.”  _ I suppose.  _ “Your honesty is always appreciated,” was how I thanked him. He nodded. 

“The Acolytes attract the worst types. Besides, they can’t be judged by us mere mortals. They’re  _ holy _ . A holy order of monks and nuns. Celibate ones, at that. That’s why we met multiple cases of nuns who… shall we say, had a momentary lapse in their laws. Such future progeny must be judged fairly. They are not their…” he coughed, “... _ holy _ mothers and fathers. Such an institution, in forbidding judgement for past crimes upon taking the vows, is bound to attract the worst of the worst. Since these vows are wholly dependent on trust, and these chapters are run by hormonal teenage girls who know about as much about ruling as the Avatar knows about war, that means that anyone with any wits, even the most basic street urchin, can fake their entry. And even if they happen to take the vows and say them with a tone of seriousness, that won’t stop them from breaking them the moment the teenage girls stop watching. After all, the teenagers  _ trust  _ that these well-known criminals and gangsters are just going to follow  _ these  _ laws. Strict laws that forbid even the most basic of human nature.  _ Like getting a job _ .”  _ Right, money and food don’t just grow in… slums.  _

_ I believe I’ve already covered this with the Avatar. Maybe not to the same detail, but I tried _ .  _ The rant is appreciated.  _ His mentioning of the chapter owners made me ponder something. “What did you do to the chapter owners? Are they also getting executed?” I looked at his conical hat for inspiration. I didn’t find any. “The Dai Li’s business on whether or not we will execute is not for Your Majesty to know. However, we will not punish someone who is too young to understand what they are getting into. Nor will we punish genuine idealists who don’t realize they’re just enabling such criminals. As there are many members, this is a case-by-case basis and there are still interviews as we speak. Many innocents are going to be given an education on how to avoid joining groups like this in the future.” “An education?” I heard him say it before, but it didn’t click. “Yes. The Dai Li are masters at educating on these matters. We’ve had hundreds of years of experience.”  _ Fair point. Nobody better to tutor you on how not to join a possible anarchist cell than the people fighting anarchist cells forever. They know what to watch out for _ .  _ Knowing him, he’s also referring to reeducation. Which… well… I can’t stop that. _

My blade was already bloodied today, but the thought of eliminating traitors to the Empire was very… I’m going with excited.  _ It’s almost like it’s the whole point of my position, as hunter of traitors and rebels _ . And as such, this is where I took this discussion. “How many are there to execute? Can we execute them today?” The Head of the Dai Li nodded to both. Not that the first one was a nod-able request. Not that it mattered to him. 

“There’s a couple hundred in total who we have sentenced to death. Not just members but those who were associated with members and used their membership for ill purposes. And yes, Your Majesty. We have a large number we can execute today.” His tone changed to be one of haste, “In  _ fact _ -” he dramatically opened his drawer and pulled a paper out, “-we gathered all the top criminals for execution at the same time. I was hoping that Your Majesty would have them executed. There was some opposition from the other top officials of the Dai Li, but one or two  _ leg kicks _ were enough of a reminder to them.” “Very good. It’s very good. I’m more than happy to chop some heads off. And… yeah… I’m glad to hear that other Dai Li officers were convinced.” I took a brief drink,  _ water’s good _ . 

I put my hands together. “Leg-kicking hurts, from personal experience.” “ _ Oh, I know. _ ” and he gave a nod. “I’m quite weak to it.” “ _ Oh, I know. _ ” yet another nod.  _ Must your nods be methodical? Or, no, wait, everything about you is methodical _ . I tapped around, mentally searching for something to ask. The Commander of the Dai Li is almost always busy. The man he works for is eternally busy. Running a massive city tends to do that, from what I’ve seen.  _ Executions are the right thing to do. They’re my duty. But… this is the Dai Li, so maybe I can clarify some matters here _ .

A question I thought I knew the answer to already I chose to ask. “What is my duty, Commander?”  _ To serve the Empress and do whatever she wishes to whatever end _ .  _ That’s what I swore to do.  _ “To serve the Badgermole Throne to your fullest extent.” “Have I done my duty?”  _ Better to ask an honest man than fail and never get the chance to make up for it again _ . “You have. Your Majesty has set a precedent that the rest of us can only aspire to follow. Your Majesty was instructed to obtain a blanket for Her Imperial Majesty. Others, those inferior to you and your nature, may travel to the forests of the Agrarian Zone to obtain such fur. But Your Majesty… Your Majesty travelled to the lands of the Imperial-hating Xishan Tribes to obtain a blanket, simultaneously winning people who have vilified us for hundreds of years over to become our vassals. Such an act is one of the greats for history. All in the name of…” and he took me off-guard by making me finish that sentence.  _ Love?  _ “...duty to my Empress.” “That and a bit of love, I would think.” 

_ I… maybe. Yeah… maybe.  _ Shrinking back into my seat wasn’t helping my side. He didn’t laugh. He put his papers together instead. “I would conclude that Your Majesty is one of the most dutiful people in the Empire. Any who treat you differently are making a critical error in judging you.” He leaned forward, slightly. “You will do anything for Her Imperial Majesty, even if that takes you to the edges of the maps. Not because Your Majesty wishes to manipulate her, but simply the desire to do what is right. Do I have that right?” My frantic repetitive head-bopping answered in the affirmative for me. “Then know that executing these criminals is Your Majesty’s personal duty.” 

I went back to the start of this conversation. “And what of the Prince?” “The Imperial Tutor’s seal is reliable. His word is as reliable as the roots of the Great Swamp’s Banyan-grove tree are strong.” “So we’ll kill him?” “If that is Your Majesty’s wish, then we shall see it done. I believe this document is more than enough evidence.” I eyed that document as he waved it around. “It’s also the only piece that defends the claim,” he pointed out with a palm-gesture. “It won’t fall into traitorous hands,” I affirmed. Then he placed it on the table. “Your Majesty would have to sign and stamp-off on the  _ execution _ .” I don’t know if he deliberately stressed the word, or if his voice always sounds like that. 

But I was happy to do so. So we did just that. A blank piece of parchment was obtained and I wrote down the order mandated by, not the Empress, but myself and my personal seal. Then I stamped it. And that was that. The Commander stood, his wife offered me something to drink, I drank it, and I followed the Commander out of his residence as he said, “Now, I’ll be at the Imperial Execution Grounds.” 

The Dai Li are very quick. In the time it took me and my ostrich horses to ride back to the Imperial Palace, the Dai Li had collected  _ all  _ the soon-to-be executed prisoners and rounded them into trucks. By that time, they also managed to rouse my  _ yunjiwei _ for weapon-bearing purposes, get him into fancy robes, and send him and my giant  _ shuang-shao jian  _ out the Thousand Steps and down to the ground. Last and definitely the hardest, the Dai Li jumpstarted the dispatching of heralds to invite people to watch the executions as they take place. They even brought the Commander and I’s request for Toph to join us, she cited ‘not feeling that interested right now’ as a reason not to. Or… that’s what they told me. I didn’t have the time to ask her myself, we had a large number of people to slice through. 

Since I was late,  _ or rather, I was on time and the Dai Li got all of this done early _ , I had to get behind,  _ get this _ , a long convoy of carriages. These were carriages that picked up ministers outside of the South Gate,  _ the Imperial Palace Grounds, it is forbidden save for special cases or us Imperials _ , and would transport them to the Execution Grounds not that far away from us. Not that far, but these are ministers who don’t like using their legs. And they’re ministers, so they need to show up  _ to an execution?!? _ in style. At least I wasn’t alone. Aside from the nameless Imperial Guards who joined me and who I’d likely never share a sentence with, Taishi and Zhu came along. Kotyan was busy doing one of two things: Guarding the Empress, that’s one, and teaching his Xishan bodyguards how to speak in a dialect the rest of us understand, that’s two. As it turns out,  _ to nobody’s surprise _ , trying to employ tribals to guard an Emperor when the tribals don’t understand the commands is not a good idea. Nevermind, of course, that these tribals don’t understand what ‘getting in line for an execution’ means. And until I moved to Ba Sing Se, I didn’t understand that this was even an issue people had.

“Does every single minister need to bring their entire retinue?” Zhu asked, curious. Taishi guessed “I think this is just their personal household. And only part of it at that.” The context for this is that our small detachment of Imperial Guards was trying to,  _ you know _ , get to the grounds, but so was everyone else. “Never in my life-” Zhu paused to look around, “-would I expect to be stuck in traffic to watch some people die.” I finger-gestured him. “Not just  _ watch _ , you’ll be holding my blade for me.” He gave a courteous head-bow. “I’m glad to have the honor.” 

Taishi proposed a solution. “Your Majesty could just break the traffic laws and ride in the other lane.” “ _ Are you kidding? Why would I do that? _ ” I shouted far louder than intended. “Because it’s faster, Your Majesty. And there’s nobody in the other lane. And if there is anyone in the other lane, it’s not like they’re riding eel-hounds.”  _ Your points are correct, but I disagree _ . “I’d rather obey the traffic laws,” I argued. 

Taishi continued. “What if it was the middle of the night, Your Majesty?” “Have you ever seen me go riding in the middle of the night?” “I have not, Your Majesty.”  _ Well… I do. Sometimes _ . “When I go riding, I always obey the lane laws, even when I’m the only person out. If I missed the turn, I’ll keep going until I get to the next one. Then I’ll navigate back.” “Why, Your Majesty?” “Because everyone else in the city has to obey those laws, so why not I?” Nobody gave an answer to that, since it’s illegal to call the Emperor mad. 

An aside: Traffic in Ba Sing Se, when it’s ministers versus ministers versus us versus ministers, is something else. Something worthy of a record. Our small contingent would get into one lane, only for a carriage of some sort to get into the lane to our side and cut in front of us. I don’t know if these coachmen realize that we’re, well,  _ me _ , or not. I don’t think any of them cared. Every single time we’d slow down, someone would try to get around us. And the carriages were cutting around each other. And they didn’t give any of the others any room to do anything. A carriage might get on our formation’s rear and I’d  _ very politely  _ yell “Where are you in a rush off to,  _ die _ ?” It didn’t help that these ministers don’t like sharing. There’s… I think, six lanes going either way on the Central Axis Road. Maybe more. That didn’t stop an official from claiming two lanes with his wheels being in both. And the coachmen weren’t much better. They’d swerve because… I guess swerving asserts their carriage’s importance. Sometimes, carriages would try to make right turns to, in the words of Taishi the expert at navigating Ba Sing Se, “There’s other roads to go there, so they’re cutting around”. As for why these carriages would spontaneously cross five lanes of traffic to make a right… well… I don’t know what’s in their minds. Also of note, each carriage only had one minister in it. Double also: there were also carriages coming from across the Upper Ring, mostly the residences near the Imperial Palace, with deputy ministers and court officials and military officers and anyone who's anyone that hasn’t been mentioned. The aside being over, we reached the execution grounds after a large swath of the officials arrived because  _ some people just have to speed _ .

First things first, the prisoners to-be-executed were lined up in two groups. There was one group that formed a block of twenty by many. There was another group that were inside trucks. Near the trucks and in the middle of the Execution Grounds proper sat a raised dais. On said dais, some railings to give motivational speeches,  _ we’re the Empire after all _ , and a block to put the about-to-be-executed person on to decapitate them. The head falls into a basket, or set of baskets,  _ I don’t know how the infrastructure works, it just does _ , beneath the dais. 

More notes: the ministers and officials and what-have-you were gathered in a large mass on the perimeter of the Execution Grounds. Many locals, I mean servants, sat on the surrounding roofs. Taishi asked a logical question: “How much do you want to bet the ministers have to pay for square-side positions?”  _ You’re not entirely wrong _ . “I don’t know, but considering this is the Empire, the front row probably bribed their way in.” Taishi then asked “Does Your Majesty think they reserve seats in advance?” and that was a real chin-scratcher for me. I gave him a nod. “Probably do.” Not long after I dismounted,  _ note to a note, the entire blob of ministers and all those other officials kowtowed or bowed if kowtowing was impossible,  _ I walked up to the dais and met with the Dai Li officials. And by met, I mean we discussed a bit of the details, the order of executions,  _ because this is the Empire and we need an ‘order of’ for that like this is some kind of war plan _ , and other such trivialities. With all that done, we could begin.

The ‘important’ prisoners, that’s who was inside the back of those trucks, were offloaded first. One at a time, mind you. Each was blindfolded and had their hands bound by metal chains,  _ thank you Dai Li _ . Each one was led up to the literal chopping block by Imperial Guards. Oh, speaking of Imperial Guards, there was an entire block of Imperial Guards standing symmetrically opposed to the prisoner block, each one’s hand resting on his  _ dao  _ hilt.  _ We’ll get to them soon _ . When the first prisoner, a middle-aged bald man with a really stupid mustache was led over to us, two things happened. One, the crowd cheered despite nothing happening yet. Two, Zhu grabbed the  _ jian  _ scabbard tightly while I pulled the blade out. My blade’s tip could rest on the dais floor and the hilt would be up to my collar. It was a sight to behold.  _ A lot of people were going to behold it _ .

Anyways, since I owe these poor, poor, murderers, thieves and gang bosses for being some nice meat practice for my  _ jian _ , I allowed each one to get ‘a few’ last words in. This first one - he killed three, took the vows, killed his wife because… dispute - cursed me, as you do. Then I brought my  _ jian  _ down and cleaved his head off. It was as easy as cutting bamboo with a katana. 

I could go into extreme individual detail about each of these approximately forty people I beheaded. I won’t. Just the general tidbits. All the criminals arrived in the Acolyte dresses. Most of them were men. Not all, most. Most looked to be in their thirties or forties, which I supposed would make sense for long-time criminals. As for final words, most just yelled expletives at me. Not the most honorable for a bunch of priests, but I suppose they’re not that priestly either. I had one man, I think he was number thirty four, request last words. I granted it. 

He then began giving a speech on the benefits of being an Acolyte and how it helps with a healthy lifespan. Once he said ‘healthy lifespan’ I chopped his head off. I was going to, anyway, but he just expedited it. 

Another man, instead of getting last words in, tried to kick a flame blast at me. I cut him in  _ half  _ with a swing of this blade as it combined with his fancy orange dress. A woman tried to headbutt me, only to get hilt-slammed, then one wide swing later, have her head removed. A different man tried to run for it… and took a metal javelin to the chest.

Once all these people were dead, their bodies pulled off the now blood-soaked dais and my blood-soaked blade, the Imperial Guard deployed to do the second of two parts of this. They marched over to the block of men and women, each one drawing his  _ dao _ . At the command of “Ten Thousand Years!” they brought their blades down and the entire block of less important people was killed as one. Just as our celebrations would begin, a special guest arrived. Wearing a simple prisoner’s off-brown outfit was this Prince, Huan. 

The crowd went silent. 

Huan was happy to shout in the moments before his death. “I was wrong about you. You’re not known for results and you’re not known for loyalty, you’re a tyrant.” and he writhed against the the Dai Li official’s grip. “You’re a tyrant! You hear me! My dynasty  _ will  _ return and when they do, they’ll have your head and the head of your tyrant girlfriend!” He gave a prayer to one of the many Earth Gods, calling on “Earthquakes to turn the land asunder!” before I split his head from his neck. It turns out, Princes do bleed. 

The crowd was silent. 

I went right home afterwards. My hands were tired and I spent all day on my feet. I didn’t think hard about the silence. I went to get a drink... and enjoy time with Toph. Little did I know what would come soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Empress and Emperor finally get to spend some time together...  
> ...and there will be some surprises.  
> ...and romance.
> 
> An Appendix on the Unexplained:  
> -The chapter's title, explained: Wordplay. Mori, the Emperor, is an Imperial. Huan's a royal.  
> -Mori's intro story: Reconsider what scares himself, and... Lao Ge is always watching. If it benefits him to.  
> -Lao Ge does tutor Toph. Shouldn't be much of a surprise, he is the Imperial Tutor, and he's far better than Toph at earthbending, she just doesn't realize it.  
> -Mori has never had a conversation with Toph and someone who can tell lies and succeed in the same room, together.  
> -There's no Imperial Target Zone, but I don't think Toph cared that much.  
> -Even in a gallop, it takes a long time -about 40 minutes- to have gotten to this tavern in the Upper Ring.  
> -Suki's hairstyle is a chonmage. Therefore, I figure that Sai's got the same style. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chonmage  
> -In a different story, Huan and his Captain might be central characters who suddenly find themselves... defeated or dead. Not this story, though.  
> -The Colonies mass produce most of the Empire's fleet of biplanes.  
> -Always remember who Commander Xuan is.  
> -The ministers and carriages is a callout to the traffic jams that most people living in metropolitan areas must contend with.  
> -Mori's last lines were right. He didn't know what would come next.


	90. When We Live in a World of Our Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empress and Emperor spend some time together.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Six:

I awoke on the finest sheets in the Empire with the best person in the Empire to ever spend a night with, at my side. Or rather, on my chest. These sheets were extra fine. The fur blanket didn’t fit the mild summer morning, but then again, a blind girl turned earthbender turned wrestler turned legendary bender who invented a whole new style turned war heroine turned  _ Empress _ and a Kyoshi Islander fisher’s son turned Colonial official turned eloped groom turned Consort turned tree man aren’t the kind of people who become monarchs, at least according to the records. 

And monarchs haven’t often gotten dirty then proceed to stride around wearing protective layers of earth. Or prefer mud baths. Or play with each other’s hair. I don’t know, the histories always talk about the formalities and the specifics and the kind of stuff that a monarch is supposed to do. They always talk about the ruling, and cite the wisdom of past monarchs to help the current one find a solution. That’s much harder to do when the monarch is blind. They always talk about rulership and what it means to be a good monarch of a continent-sized realm. 

They never talk about the personal side. They never include soft late night conversations while one person is wrapped in a blanket and the other is making sure they stay wrapped in a blanket. Or the side with all the hair and foot and back massages. For both parties. Or wrestling. These guides to ruling never mention that being a monarch means you can summon whatever exotic products you’d like for your own pleasure. Granted, there  _ are  _ guides that cover that, but they’re usually about… other matters. 

“Toph?” I asked. It was the first thing I said when I woke, before I was even properly awake. “Mhm?” was the mumbled response of the woman bound in her own fur blanket. A blanket fetched for a birthday present.  _ Likely the most expensive blanket in the entire Empire _ . She moved her head ever so slightly, which stirred me into more of an awake tone. 

“You want to go to Court?” She shook her head. I didn’t see it, I felt it.  _ I still intend to.  _ “Can I go?” She shook her head again. “I had… other plans,” she mumbled. She readjusted herself since her face was now resting on my chest and she more recently preferred to tuck it between my right arm and my chest. Once she -accidentally- headbutted said area, I noted “Your hair’s going to smell like a sweaty spruce tree.” She giggled. 

“Normally I smell like mud on more mud. What’s a little tree to compliment it?”  _ Very good point. Indisputable, at that.  _ “Hey, hey, just warning you.” “No, it’s appreciated. I might even take a  _ shower  _ today.”  _ Woah. A shower?!? _ “Toph…” I put a hand on her back. “...That’s… next thing I know, you’ll be telling me you like flying.” She burst into laughter. A booming “Ha!” to awaken the entire Palace. “No I hate flying. Still do. I just…” then she cut herself off. 

“Oh, be quiet pillow” and she lightly hit my face with a pillow. Because we have so many of those and we can afford to toss them around. I looked around. The light of twilight strewn in through the window. I had expected to wake up early, but instead the Empress went “Go back to sleep. You’re going travelling later.” I glanced up at the window again.  _ It’s twilight. Morning twilight, I’d guess _ . “ _ Later _ ?” I felt her run her hand over my chest and turn it into a fist. Then hit my chest with the same fist that’s able to punch an entire her-sized artillery shell. Except… this was a light hit. “ _ Later _ .” “What’re you doing now?” She let out a long snore. “Sleeping.” 

It felt like a moment later, sleep sometimes is like that after all, that I reawoke in the same position I fell asleep in. I looked up at the window and found that it appeared to be after dawn. “It’s later in the morning, Toph.” She faked being asleep. “ _ I’m asleep _ ” and she snored. Involuntarily, I responded “I don’t see that.” Then the asleep earthbender demonstrated that she was, indeed, asleep by speaking into my shoulder. “I can’t show you, but I’m rolling my eyes right now.” I half-jokingly asked “How does a blind girl roll her eyes?” and she rolled her fist over my arm. 

“How does a tree get rolled off a cliff?” she asked, her voice  _ full  _ of snark. This was a challenge. “With strength of will?” “With an axe and a good kick” and she turned her palm sideways and hit my chest edge-on. “ _ Are you implying something _ ?” and I gulped, waiting to get thrown off the bed. “I think you know me well enough to know when I’m implying something.” “Are you not implying something?” “ _ That’s  _ the right question.” Then I felt a light foot-tap to my right leg. “Roll over” came the asleep bender’s instructions. “ _ Why _ ?” I countered, quite content to stay exactly where I was.  _ It’s a nice spot, this spot.  _

“How am I supposed to get comfortable if you don’t give my feet some feet?” she pointed out… with her foot.  _ Ha. Nice pun.  _ “But they’re your feet.” “Do you like having someone tightly holding your eyes, Kyoshi?” I felt like I knew where this was going so I didn’t progress down that path of humiliation and a failed discussion. “No, I… don’t.” Then, since she asked it, I picked up my right leg and let her wrap her feet around it. “I hope you realize I’ll never be able to get out of bed if your feet are entwined with mine,” I pointed out. I‘m pretty sure I felt her grin. “Good. Now-” she fell back into her ‘spot’, except this time she was even  _ further  _ pressed up against me, “-go back to sleep, Kyoshi.” She did as she said and shortly fell back asleep.

I woke up to being poked one too many times in one of those chi-blockable weak spots. My shoulder, I believe. Not that the person doing it was chi-blocking me, it was just quite annoying to contend with. “Yes, Toph?” I mumbled. Someone opened the shutters, which meant I could now look down at the Empress sprawled about on the bed. I felt her forehead, “You’re sweating like an airbender in a tavern. Why?” “Reasons,” she said. _Reasons._ _Of course. Reasons_. “Did you wake me up for something?” I didn’t know whether to take the blanket off her or leave it on. She was sweating, but we also both enjoyed the fur blanket. Said blanket is held like a bastion against the Empress’s assaults through the power of… me. _A tree holding the line_. 

“I… just wanted to check something, Kyoshi.” “What?” I wasn’t as perceptive as I should be to her voice breaking a little bit. “Nothing.”  _ That  _ was when I picked up on it. “Toph… when you usually say ‘nothing’ it means you’re hiding something.” Quite snarkily, she replied “Okay fine, you’re good.” It’s a good thing she couldn’t see my confident face. And yet, I capitalized on this by asking, again, “Why did you wake me up?” “I don’t want to talk about it.”  _ Oh. Oh. I figured it out _ . “It’s a night terror… in the middle of the day, isn’t it?” and I grabbed her and held her. Like that, she broke ever so slightly. “Maybe it was, Kyoshi. Maybe it was.” I started stroking her hair. “It’s okay, Toph.” My strokes grew gentler and gentler as I felt her fall back asleep. I only stopped when I slowly… passed back into sleep.

This time, I was awoken by more movements. It felt like someone was trying to roll over me but doing so in the least-energy costing method possible. Crawling over me, to be precise. Sure enough, I opened my good eye, tried and failed to summon one hand -it was trapped under Toph- so I tried and succeeded with the other and found that the Empress had positioned herself on my chest. “Toph, where are you going?” I managed to ask while  _ getting my hand slept on ow, ow, the sensitivity is returning… ow _ . “I feel like I want to get up.” I looked up at the window, judging by the rays, it was midday. “Do you want to go to Afternoon Court?” I stupidly asked. “ _ No _ .  _ You and I are going out. _ ” and she pulled on my arm. “Where am I going?” I asked like a confused young tree. “We’re going out for a walk.”  _ A walk?  _ “Okay then…” I didn’t know where she was going with this, but I accepted it. The two of us got out of bed. 

The two of us broke off to ‘change into something more wearable’. A vague command from a person who had definitely already made up her mind about what  _ she  _ was going to wear. Remembering what she said earlier, “Am I allowed to take a shower?” The woman I was speaking to  _ had  _ to stomp the ground and make both rooms shake, because… she had to, I guess. “No! No showers!”  _ Got it.  _ “What about a mud bath?”  _ You like mud baths _ . “Maybe.”  _ Hey, maybe’s better than no _ . 

“What do you want me to wear? ‘Wearable’ applies to my entire inventory of clothing.” The sarcasm in her voice when she said “Lover’s robes” was as clear as the daylight outside. That didn’t stop the half-a-dozen attendants gathered around me from giggling like schoolgirls. “Are the rest of you just…”  _ don’t even ask. You know the answer to this _ .  _ Don’t bother. Let them enjoy their fantasies where you don’t give them attention. _

I shouted, over their giggling, “Can I wear something  _ other  _ than that?” “It’s not like I’ll see the difference!” she replied, quite calmly loud.  _ That’s not a yes and that’s not a no _ . I called for the usual, Imperial Informal Robes. And a cape. Because capes are always in style. Especially green-and-blue ones that aren’t heavy. But, being the Empress that she is, she decided to barge through the wall. With her head. Instead of taking the door. 

_ Just  _ in time for me to redress. I dropped my pants and declared “ _ Toph _ , I’m  _ not  _ wearing  _ pants _ !” She hit herself in the stomach from all the laughter. “It’s too bad I can’t see the look on your face. I can  _ hear  _ it.” I had no comment. I just waved over the pants from the stunned while staying perfectly still. The attendant was surprised at my… ability to maintain being still while lacking pants. I wasn’t that surprised.  _ She’s blind.  _ An attendant nicely gave me these pants. 

While putting on pants, I had a chance to notice that the Empress was wearing, what else, her wrestler outfit; along with meteorite bracelet armbands and a meteorite bracelet headband. I don’t know what the point of her bracers are, it’s not like she gets into hand-to-hand combat with anyone, but at least they look nice. As I departed, I wished my attendants, namely Ming, “Thanks for helping me get dressed.” The bunch of them kowtowed and smiled, as they always do. She herself said “It’s a pleasure” and smiled.  _ I owe you a drink at a fancy tavern. Or more. Probably more. _

Toph went and woke up Nan with some scratching of his chin fur. He got up and all it took was a single “You want to come along?” from Toph for him to happily woof and follow us around. I took along my regular  _ jian  _ and scabbard. Not that I needed it, or rather I hoped I didn’t, but I like carrying a blade around at all times. A blade  _ aside  _ from the dagger I keep, that is. I gave a small bow to the Imperial Bedroom as I normally do. Before I could fix the blankets, the Empress pulled me along since ‘we have a walk to go on’. It’s not the only thing I wanted to fix before being distracted, but as with the others, my role came first and I followed the Empress out. 

We set off down the Imperial Palace’s grand halls. They never, ever, get old. Towering. Green. Full of motifs of earth coins and badgermoles and in some places, fans and flying-boars. Motifs of legendary folk heroes and prestigious warriors of days gone by. The ceilings are too high to see and the corridors are wide enough to support a vehicle driving through. Not that anyone would, but they could. In theory. Everyone from a minor courtier to the Imperial Guards had to kowtow as we passed. And they always did it with a professional style. Not a bop out of place. People have practiced for something that amounts to a courtesy at best. The Imperial Guards that came with us, Kotyan, the twins, and a few others, were exempt from this for obvious purposes. 

We went for a side door, I had no idea where at the time. Just that it was not the main entrance. Why? “We’re going for a walk over there, not over there” and she pointed in two different directions. I had to clarify “You’re pointing at a wall” and she was all “Oh, right, you’re all blind.” Then she led us out this side door -nice of her not to walk through a wall- and down some stairs. Well.. .she casually started walking down the wall, the rest of us had to take the stairs for formalities’ sake. Nan’s confused whines - ‘why is she walking down the wall?’- get me every time. We regrouped at the base of this unknown staircase, at which point Toph… grabbed my hand and ran off northwards. No. Really. 

“Where are we going?” I yelled. “Wherever I want!”  _ Right, right, of course _ . “But why do you have to take my hand?”  _ I have a pair of feet that work and aren’t broken yet. _ “Because you won’t be able to catch up.” “Catch up, you’re running!” Being the Empress, she proved me wrong by kicking her feet into an earth wave and she began riding said wave -tearing up the tiles, but that’s an aside- and dragging me in tow. At least she grabbed my forearm, not my hand.  _ Otherwise, that’s a dislocation waiting to happen _ . The Imperial Guards, not wanting to destroy Imperial property,  _ a bit late to that, you think? _ , gave chase in a spectacle of gilded men competing in a footrace. They didn’t win. 

A few  _ miao  _ later, I continued pleading. “You still haven’t told me  _ where  _ we’re going.” “Yeah I did. Over there somewhere,” she said it so casually for a woman riding an earth wave. “ _ But why _ ?” “‘Cause that’s where I want to go.” “But why?” “It’s a pond. I hear people like relaxing by ponds, do they not?”  _ Oh, come now, you know me better than that _ . “ _ I  _ like relaxing by ponds, yeah, but I don’t know about other people.” “I’m not dragging other people, am I?” “No, you’re not. But since you’re taking special preference-” she cut me off to let out a single loud “Ha!” followed by “-Preference? I’m the Empress, I can choose to go sit by a pond with  _ whoever  _ I want-”. So I went back to what I was saying “-I always preferred ponds surrounded by evergreens.” “Are the ponds here surrounded by evergreens?” “A few are, yeah. It’s the correct climate. We’re far enough north. Some of these trees were transported-” she came to a sudden halt and let my momentum swing me around, right round, onto some grass. In stopping, she gave the distant Imperial Guards a chance, a  _ chance _ , to catch up. 

“Where’s one of those ponds?” for once, she couldn’t just earthbend her way to success. I stood up, looked around and spotted one such curated pond to our north. Not the pond itself, the towering blackish-green spruces. Compared to the rest of our trees, they stood out. Even at a distance. Eighty Consort’s foot tall trees, even if all I made out was the top ten feet, are still eighty feet tall. So I pointed at those trees. Toph, being Toph, had no idea what I was doing. “Where is it?” She could probably stomp the ground and feel my hand’s silhouette or something, but I knew she wanted me to pull through on my promise to tell her. So I took her hand and pointed at the correct direction. “Got it” she nodded… to the wrong direction… before swiping my forearm from me and kicking herself into an earth wave. 

Credit to her, she went around other ponds and small retaining walls instead of going right through them. Credit not to her, I had to duck multiple times as her head smashed through some archways. Her only regret for this was, one time, “What  _ idiot  _ put an archway within headbutting distance? Kyoshi, do you bang your head into these?” Because I had just almost banged my head into it, I accidentally said “Yes.” So she came to a stop, which, had it not been for her rooted stance and rooted grip, would’ve flung me forward about ten feet into an embarrassing grassy flop, and she  _ kicked  _ the rest of the archway down with two moves. Each aimed at the foundations, each causing the rest of the archway to collapse inwards on itself. Then she spun around and dragged me over to the intended pond. 

This was far from a Royal Garden pond in Caldera. No turtle-ducks. No hurricane-force dragons. It was shallow enough that sunlight wasn’t going to reach the bottom. It wasn’t particularly that large. It was surrounded by proper spruce trees of a variety of types, forming an entire small forest. They were placed to give an authentic feel. A few hundred feet of forest. It was large enough that I couldn’t see back to the archway. It was large enough that the trunks formed a wooden wall, if viewed from side-on. 

This pristine little forest was the setting of the rest of the day’s events. A beautiful little treasure preserved just for the two of us to use. 

Toph tossed me to the ground. “So, we’re at a pond” I managed to say, while pulling my face off some sand. “We are, but we’re missing someone special.” I looked up at the proud woman.  _ Up _ . She was standing on top of a low earthen wave after all with her hands on her hips. “Who?”  _ If you say Suki, I would agree _ . “Qiang!” she yelled, then catapulted herself off the earth and headbutted the soil. Because she’s Toph, all she did was leave an imprint of her head in the dirt. She got into a stance, pressing her palms down and to the side, and turning the earthen wave back into flat terrain. Then she ran off, yelling “Wait right there! I’m getting Qiang!”. I looked around, and around, and around, and around, and found myself face-to-face with Nan, who was happy to lick all the sweat right off my face. 

I started a conversation with the good boy. “You’d also be sweaty if you just got carried somewhere.” “Woof?” “Yes. Really. That wasn’t fun.” “Woof!” “No, no, don’t tell Toph I said that. I liked it, I really did. Toph’s the best… I just… I just… I need a shower.” “Woof.” “I don’t want to go for a swim in there without Toph’s permission.” “Woof woof.” “I’m  _ not  _ going to go against her wishes.” “Woof” “To quote her, she likes ‘spruce moss.’” “Woof.” 

I kicked off my shoes, correction, sandals, and sat down at the water’s edge. Some attendants arrived, asking if I’d like anything. “Would Your Majesty like some drinks? Seal jerky? Snacks?” I looked at Nan for advice. “Woof.” I looked back at one of the attendants. “Lots of jerky.” The attendants bowed and departed to go retrieve such products. Clearly, they didn’t predict that their Empress would go out on ‘a walk’ then toss the Emperor at some sand. 

Anyways, back to Nan. He joined me at the pond’s side, lapping up some of the water before resting his forepaws on my lap. “Woof woof, woof.”  _ Very poignant _ . “I agree. I love swimming. It’s a skill that never doesn’t have a use.” “Woof.” “You want me to teach her? That’s like teaching her to fly.” “Woof!” “Why am I asking you for advice, you’re a wolf-dog?” He licked me.  _ Good point. I should teach her to. I don’t know if she’d be able to put it to good use, she’s not really a swimmer, but I could anyways _ . 

“Woof.” I pointed at myself. “No I’m not nervous.” Then I pointed at him. “You’re nervous.” “Woof.” “About what?” Nan, being Nan, couldn’t ask a complicated question. So he offered his opinion. “Woof.” “I was nervous a few days ago because it’s not often that a mountain range is on fire.” “Woof, woof.” “What do you mean ‘This is the Empire?’  _ So _ ?” “Woof.” I gave him an ear-scratching for a reward. “You’re right. I want news. But I don’t want it  _ now _ . I want to enjoy this beach.” “Woof.” He was determined to tell me to ‘go swimming.’ Not wanting to make him suffer forevermore, I pointed at him and said “I  _ will _ go swimming. When the Empress permits me to.” The flight of a passing, soon-to-be-landing, duck-goose attracted his attention and he barked a request to go chase said bird. I gave him a head nod and a “Get back here soon”, and he bolted after the landing bird.

I was alone. There were Imperial Guards, and courtiers, and attendants, and all those people waiting on my every wish and whim. But they were outside of this pond. They may be positioned along the path that led here, a path that cut through the forest like an artificial hiking trail, or they may be at specially built guard posts, but they weren’t on top of me. They… without order, understood not to run in here and swamp me with their presence. It’s like they understood to give me a sense of privacy.  _ This is the safest place in the Empire, after all. Thousands of guards.  _

It might’ve been fake privacy, they’re within earshot, but all I wanted was the  _ sense  _ of it. I missed that. I’d never had such privacy as a Consort or Emperor or any of those titles. With that aside, I put my footwear against one of these trees. Then I got up, looked around, and walked into the small forest. It was amazing how the Imperial Palace could conceal treasures like this. A forest large enough that the trunks blocked out the retaining wall and yet small enough that the waiting Imperial Guards could hear me and run in if I shouted for them to.

It was like I was back home on Kyoshi Island. The sunbeams falling sporadically through the canopy. The height of the Sun and the time of day made the beams quite vibrant, but not overbearing or all-encompassing. Only bits of the Sun fell upon the forest bed. Songbirds chirped and swooped about above me. Small low berry bushes were spread out. Cloudberries, carp-salmonberries and even some blueberries. Moss was everywhere. The trees reeked of that smell. That wonderful forest smell. 

The one that takes me even  _ further  _ back, to when I was not the Emperor, just a person who used to go exploring my home island’s features. I walked and walked, no purpose to the walking. I ran my hand along the bark,  _ it’s the same bark,  _ that’s what occurred to me. I snatched a spruce cone from a tree and tossed it back and forth between my hands. It was… strange. The last time I had done this, I remember a challenge to swap between eyes as I juggled the cone. Or rather, I remember  _ doing  _ that challenge.  _ Throw, swap, throw, swap, throw, swap, throw, swap _ . Now, I had nothing to swap ‘to’. I felt where my eye would be and I could almost cry from it. I know, I know. A little thing like this. It’s just a forest. And I could go home whenever I wanted. 

I’m the Emperor, the entire Empire my home if I so willed it. The capital, the greatest city in the world, a city filled with anything and everything anyone would ever want.  _ Even this _ . And yet, it doesn’t compare to my  _ home _ . The fragrances of my childhood filled me with a longing. I slumped against one tree and spun some pine needles around in between my fingers. Then I looked up at the Sun and watched a chickadee-thrush go from tree to tree. Then I relaxed.

I had accepted an intense responsibility before I could even comprehend what the responsibility was. I swore to the Empress before she was an Empress. With my ancestor’s blood driving me, I swore to help her escape Gaoling. Sure, the poets will say it was love at first meet. She liked fighting. I liked fighting. She doesn’t fall for anyone’s nonsense. I try not to fall for anyone’s nonsense. She likes the woods. I like the woods. 

Except… she likes to be messy and I like showers. She loves doing as she wants and, while I agree, I prefer the formalities where necessary. This has never given us tension, because these principles don’t have to be conflicting. Once she was a monarch, her word was law and she could do whatever she wanted. I could use the position to allow me the pursuit of my studies, whatever they ended up being was a different tale entirely.  _ Anyways, this is for another time _ .

I accepted an intense responsibility based on little more than my beliefs. The thing about this forest, as was mentioned… is that it reminded me of home. Long before we were who we became, we were just the two of us. And I had always, always, promised Toph one thing. To take her to live on Kyoshi Island. We’d visited once, but we could only stay for a night because of reasons I’ve long forgotten.  _ The War. We had to return to the capital _ . It wasn’t enough to experience it all. 

It was more like a fog, complete with an ethereal spirit assassin emerging from the darkness to give me a creepy warning about winter and waterbenders and the Water Avatar bringing the apocalypse…

This forest reminded me of my childhood. It reminded me of a life I stopped having the moment I booked passage on a trader’s junk to the Colonies. It reminded me of the morning before that. 

The whole affair of seeing me off wasn’t that grandiose. I was just to get on a boat and sail north. We knew little of Lao Beifong’s lies or his intentions then. And Oyaji wasn’t the type to parade around his children for an event like this. Us Islanders have always had more pride than that. The fact I accepted this, I volunteered to trade myself for the betterment of my home, for enough gold to pay for our provisions for the next generation… it had not been lost on me. Would the oral historians call me a hero for doing something ‘for the good of the dynasty?’. No? Yes? It was assumed that my progeny would still bear the blood of Kyoshi, not that I’d simply be part of the goods. 

I could’ve asked for something celebratory if I was so inclined, but instead I was given exactly what I desired,  _ thank you Suki _ , a regular night with nothing special. No massive cakes, just the usual dinner of fish and rice. That morning, the morning when we knew the trader’s boats would arrive, I rose extra early. 

I walked through a forest just like the one I was in while thinking back. I touched the bark and felt it. I’d no idea what Gaoling was like and assumed it was somewhere that I wouldn’t have spruce trees to touch.  _ Ah! The days when my biggest worry was whether the trees I liked and birds I like would be at a new place! _ I had accepted going to Gaoling, but as I’m sure most others have felt at one point or another, I experienced a sort of last-moment fright. A regret for the action. A ‘I don’t want to go’, if you will. 

I felt the trees and the sticks and the cones and all of that. I slowly worked my way down from the uplands, I took a stroll by the duck-goose inlet first, and weaved my way back and forth across the forest. That calm morning scent was in the air and it felt even more encompassing than usual. Time passed, the Sun rose, and eventually Suki herself tracked me down to bring me down to the docks. Again, no party to be had. Suki’s fellow Warriors were training. Sai and I exchanged some ‘sparring’ where she knocked me to the ground while the traders loaded their fish. 

Suki said something like ‘ _ Try not to get yourself into a fight. If you do, win it. _ ’ So I flicked a pebble at her and she swept my leg out from under me. I hugged the two, then gave a proper bow to my uncle by birth and father by adoption and thanked him. ‘ _ May you bring the values of Kyoshi to Gaoling, and to your betrothed, _ ’ Oyaji said with a smile. Another hug for either of my cousins by birth and sisters in all but official status. And that was that. 

I got on the trading vessel. We all thought I’d see everyone again in a year or two.  _ I guess I did _ . I suppose it’s fitting that my new life had an anticlimactic start.  _ It doesn’t mean I won’t cry _ . So I did. I sat against my namesake and started crying. Because there are some things that I’ll  _ never  _ get to regain, like a traditional life. Because I'm the Emperor.

  
  


That’s when I was joined by the Empress. I didn’t hear her arrive, though maybe that’s because I was lying back against a tree and staring up at the treetops. And, as aforementioned, crying. She ended up at my side, standing above me and ‘looking’ off in an odd other direction. “What’s the matter, Kyoshi?”  _ Inhale. Exhale _ . I told the truth. “I went out for a walk.”  _ Kind of the truth _ . “Then why do you sound so stuffed up?”  _ Right. Maybe don’t talk next time _ . I could’ve dragged her along with a lie, but she’s a human lie-detector, and even if she wasn’t, there’s no point to it. 

“I was… sad.” This made her spin around and yell “Qiang! Go play with Nan!” and I looked in the direction of her yelling and just made out a badgermole’s head ‘looking’ bad at me from the edge of the forest. The badgermole twisted his head then let out a very soft whine. Then he turned around and walked away. Trying to change the conversation -and also impressed by how nice Qiang is- “He’s such a good boy.” Toph smiled for a moment. 

_ Only a moment.  _ “Don’t change the conversation. What’s got you bawling?”  _ What’s got me… it’s homesickness.  _ “I don’t know-” because I dragged on my words, she cut me off with “-that’s a lie.” I took another sniffle. “I’m… I can’t explain it to you.” Toph, being Toph, then fell backwards onto the ground, leaving a her-sized indentation in it, before sitting up, moving over to me, and getting into a cross-legged position next to me and the tree. I looked at her in silence, unsure of what I was supposed to say or do. Thankfully, the Empress wasn’t as patient. “ _ Well _ ? We’ve got all the time you want.” and she let her hands go limp and… did nothing. She sat, and she listened.

_ Deep breath.  _ “I know you don’t see these trees like I do, but these trees remind me of home.” She grabbed the ground for a moment and let go. “I do see them, yes. A long underground system of roots.” I looked at her, as if to verify she was serious,  _ yes, she is _ , then sighed right into my hand. “No that’s… no I meant the trees… I don’t care about…” I groaned.  _ She can’t see wood.  _

“What of it?” she interjected. I took another deep breath to try and explain myself. “I miss my home.” Toph felt around on the ground. “If this is what your home was like, I can understand why you miss it. So many trees, so much to run around…” and she kept her hand on the dirt.  _ You’re… not really… that’s not…  _ “No… don’t you remember Kyoshi Island?” She shook her head. “Not really. I was a bit tired.”  _ A bit.  _

“Imagine a whole  _ island  _ of this. With streams. And waterfalls. And little highland meadows. And…” I tried to visualize it in my mind. I felt like I could see it all as I remembered it…  _ out of my missing eye… since that eye represented my life pre-monarch _ . I carried on, a mix between staggering and mentally visualizing the land. “And… there’s lots of trees. And small ponds… inlets...places that waterbirds would gather, places I’d go… I loved them…” 

I grabbed my robe and wiped away some tears. Instead of being left alone to it, Toph grabbed me and pulled me into her shoulder. “It’s okay.” she began patting me on the back. I took a few more sniffles and probably inhaled all the dirt on her lapel. “I  _ miss  _ my home, Toph.” “Why now? Why not when we first got to Ba Sing Se? What happened?” then quietly, she mumbled “not that Ba Sing Se’s the best place.” I tried to pull out of her embrace, but she pulled me back in. And she rubbed my back. 

Toph’s simple inquiry made me reconsider so much. Everything started falling into place. Everything that was building up over months and weeks… I finally figured out how to explain it. “I’ve spent the past  _ weeks _ trying to get to the bottom of a dozen different crises. The Northern Water Tribe… their invasion. The Fancun Rebellion and… the Imperial Army’s stupidity. The Banner Armies, the Banner Navies or whatever… more studying into rebels…  _ more  _ studying into rebels, dealing with the Avatar’s nonsense… the Makapuan Mountains, then the events from yesterday.” Each pause had me in bouts of just wanting to cry from all this... _ this _ . 

Toph, for her part, continued holding my back and neck and rubbing my head. “I know how you feel. I’ve been getting things built for the Lower Ring and Agrarian Zone. I was recently in the Agrarian Zone making some repairs to the monorail lines. Then I went to help build housing. Then factories. Then monorails. And when I wasn’t there, I was tossing money people  _ say  _ was gold at more housing, more monorails, more factories, more…” I thought and decided to interject. “More more?” and this, as expected, made her giggle. “ _ Yes _ , more more and more more.” “So we’re both exhausted from this?” I said in between two long breaths. “Yup,” she said it so quickly like she didn’t even need to think about it. And... yet again, I tried to get out of the hug, but she tightened her grip on me while she worked her hands into my long hair, undoing it, knot by knot.

“Why didn’t  _ you  _ ever tell me you were tired from this?” That was my excuse for trying to pull out of the hug. “Because I wasn’t.”  _ That’s a lie.  _ It’s in the voice. “Toph, I’ve been around you long enough to know you’re lying.” “I’m not.” she insisted, her tone growing with pride. And her insisting is simply wrong.  _ I know why. I got it.  _ “You never told me because you never  _ had  _ a home to go back to.” I turned my head around enough to see hers. And her eyes became watery.  _ Oh, Toph _ . 

She loosened her iron grip and I traded places with her, grabbing her and letting her bury her face in my upper chest. At the same time, I wiped her tears off, slowly, because I didn’t want to scratch her soft, soft, face. Ironically, once you get past the light dusting of earth, her face retains a softness that is about as far from what one would expect of the dirt-wrestling Empress. “ _ It’s true. I didn’t, _ ” she said through the sniffling. 

I didn’t want to be the one to press her into memories she dreads to think about, but…  _ I’m her Consort. It’s my job _ . “Gaoling was never your home. Your home was out in the woods and fields.” I stroked her hair as gently as I could. “Like here,” she repeated it. “Like  here .” Then we hugged for some more quiet time. Quiet time where we did nothing but sit there and hug. Birds chirped. Leaves rustled in a light gale. And that was that.

Eventually, as her tears toned down, and she wiped her own face off for once, she let out a bit of a confession. “I don’t like Ba Sing Se, the endless plains out in the Agrarian Zone are more of a home to me than anywhere, ever.”  _ The Agrarian Zone is Ba Sing Se _ . “I presume you mean that you hate your current situation-” she cut me off to end her own sentence on her own terms. “-and just want to go run around and feel a sense of freedom to do whatever I want when I want it? Yeah.” She pushed me off, lightly, and sat cross-legged across from me.

“Toph, all things considered, it’s better we ended up here.” Her lifeless eyes flashed wide with annoyance. “ _Why_?” “You can do whatever you want.” Her lifeless eyes calmed down back to normal. Or… not normal, as she’s being a bit softer than her many aliases. “ _Good point._ ” and she tapped my knee. “I wouldn’t get to listen to a play one day and go for a walk the next.” _It’s not Ba Sing Se._ “It’s not Ba Sing Se, it’s all the formalities.” “ _That’s right._ ” _I knew it_. 

Speaking of plays, I wanted to get yet  _ another  _ statement I wanted to get concluded. “You go to the plays because you enjoy them, right?” She nodded.  _ They’re escapism for her. It’s that simple _ . “You’re  _ supposed  _ to do rulership stuff-” “-but it’s boring. And I’m  _ tired _ .” While I think she meant that in the past tense, she presently tossed herself onto my chest for the purpose of lying on it. 

“What do you want to do about it Toph?” “Lie here. Get some peace and quiet.” _ Two very fair requests. _ That said… “You’re lying on my chest.” She smiled. “I  _ know _ . But… I forgot you’re too much of a softie. So let’s go somewhere-” she stood up and kicked some earth to spin me around and start dragging me by the collar, “ _ -else _ .” I stood up since being dragged over tree roots wasn’t fun. She let me go and I followed her through the woods and out to a small clearing between the woods and sandy pond edge. It felt like nobody was around, and looking around, nobody was. Once there, she pulled her hair bracelet off and tossed it to the side, letting her wonderful arm’s length hair fall down… and all over the place. “You’re right, Kyoshi.”  _ I didn’t say anything _ . “I want to do  _ this _ ” and she tackled me to the dirt. 

She grinned. “ _ Let’s wrestle. _ ” She fell off me and got to a hand-to-hand wrestling position. Resting on her knees, hands ready to go.  _ This is what we’re going to do? Yeah!  _ I couldn’t be happier. I got on my knees,  _ albeit I’m a bit taller than her, and by a bit I mean more than a bit _ ,  _ I mean a full head height and then some, probably,  _ and prepared for the wrestling. We both took our time breathing,  _ well I did _ . 

Toph struck first. The old  _ ‘grab his hands and twist him to the side _ ’ technique. She tried it but I held my ground. I parried her attempt and grabbed the top of her head. She ducked underneath it and tackled me right in the chest. I fell backwards, she laughed a bunch, and I used my left leg to spin her and I around, switching our positions. “You… that’s illegal.” “It is  _ not _ .” “You’re going to crush me.” “With my tree-ness?” “Yeah!” She used my stupidity in answering questions to elbow me in the stomach and worm her way out from under me. 

With my idiot self falling flat on my face, she could jump up and plant a foot on my back, proclaiming “I win!”.  _ Ha.  _ I reached back and pulled her leg out from under her. A completely irrelevant aside, who knew a sack of grain landing on your back hurts. She got  _ slightly  _ upset that I did what I did and as punishment, got up and dropped herself back onto me. “Oh, when I do it it’s bad, when you do it it’s good?” I asked, a bit pained by  _ being repeatedly ground-pounded like this is some kind of wrestling… wait _ . “Yup!” the victor proclaimed, sitting on my back.

Round two began. Because there’s  _ got  _ to be a second round. This time, the two of us grappled. I pressed to one side, she pressed to the other. She tried to slide under my arms, this time I wasn’t foolish enough to let her. She was visibly…  _ not upset _ … neutral, to this. Instead of continuously playing by my rules, she played by hers. She got up and before I could stand up, she ran around behind me and tackled me from behind. Her momentum may have won out, but yet again this didn’t stop me from trying to beat her.  _ I don’t give up _ . 

I back-kicked her. Not that it went well. I kicked nothing in particular. I  _ did  _ get her to jump off me. Which in turn gave me room to roll over and sit back up. Thus taking us to a similar position as at start. Except, as I said, she played by her rules. Which meant she  _ tackled me again _ . Sitting on top of my chest, she proudly declared “Victory!” and I groaned in pretend sadness. We only did two rounds of this. Why only two rounds? Why does it need to be more? The Empress goes for as long as she wants. The winner,  _ her, it’s an honor to be defeated by her _ , helped the loser, me, get up. 

She led me down to near the pond’s edge, where the two of us sat back, together. She decided to use me as a semi-pillow and rest her head on my chest while her feet were off to the right. It’s not like she has anything to look at, so she wasn’t missing the sight of the clear only slightly rippled water. Surprisingly, Toph was the one to initiate more discussion, not I. “You talked about how great Kyoshi Island is.” Despite being only a few  _ fen  _ earlier, it felt like… much longer. “I  _ did _ . Yes.” She reached back and threw the rest of her hair over my robe. 

“Why don’t we move there?”  _ What?  _ I sat up, rubbing my good eye’s eyelid as if to verify I wasn’t suffering from madness brought on by neverending nights. When I realized I wasn’t asleep, I asked a shocked “What?” She moved her head over to my torso. I repeated myself. “What?” “What do you mean ‘what’?” “You were the one asking one word questions, Kyoshi.”  _ I…  _

“What do you mean by moving to Kyoshi Island?” She blew on some of her bangs. “You and me.” she poked my arm. “We.” She poked my arm again. “Move.” She dragged her finger along the dirt. “To.” she pointed at the forest. “Kyoshi. Island.” Then to cap it off, she pressed her dirt-tipped finger into my arm again. “I understand what you said, I just don’t understand what you said.” She groaned loudly. “What am I not explaining properly?”  _ Anything? Kyoshi Island… I… what? Subpolar climate at the far end of the Empire. There’s so many political and economic reasons why that would be impossible _ . 

“Logic.” “I’m not explaining ‘logic’ properly. Right.” Then she tried to roll her eyes. I slapped myself in the face. “Why would you move to a subpolar island in the middle of the South Sea. An island closer to the Southern Air Temple than it is to it’s sister islands. Closer to the Southern Water Tribe than it is to Gaoling. Closer to Omashu than…”  _ why is this so hard to explain,  _ “... _ it’s the edge of the Empire! _ ” “So?”  _ So? So? So! So!  _ “So why wouldn’t we be able to do that?” I felt  _ really  _ stupid for being the one to point out the obvious, and yet I felt that I had to. “We have an Empire to-” She perfectly aimed her finger at my mouth to shush me up with said finger. 

“If I hear one more ‘we have an Empire to’, I’m going to do absolutely nothing! You hear me? Nothing!”  _ Nothing isn’t anything. Unless you’re speaking symbolism, in which, you’re a genius _ . Toph grabbed me by my robes. “Kyoshi. We don’t  _ have  _ to do this for the rest of our lives!” Her shaking me made me stagger in speaking. “What… are… you… talking… about?” She let me go. “We can go on a vacation! Or, even better, we don’t  _ have  _ to rule from Ba Sing Se?” 

I collapsed back onto the grassy ground.“ _ How,  _ though? How?” “I can pass some law and we make Kyoshi Island our capital!” Her tone was one of excitement.  _ I have to stop this… this is impossible. No we can’t.  _ “Toph. Toph…” I shook my head trying to make sense of this. She laid back down, her head resting on the ground next to mine. I was given the respect of looking right into her  _ ear  _ as I talked. “Yes, Kyoshi?” 

_ Right. This shouldn’t be hard to explain _ . “Kyoshi Island is far too small to use as a capital. The government needs all the government buildings in the Upper Ring to operate in. Then those people need a place to sleep. We need to have a consistent supply of food coming in to feed all those people. And most of them would freeze to death in the first winter. You’ve never felt a biting chill until you’ve felt a Kyoshi Island winter.”  _ And you’re especially prone to getting chilly, as the fur blanket can testify to _ . 

“Why does all of this mean I can’t make it our capital?” and she laid down with her hands behind her head. I didn’t know how to feel about her naiveness. One the one hand, there’s a kind of purity to her tone. On the other hand,  _ you’re the Empress of the Earth Empire you can’t just … do that _ . “There’s simply too many administrative buildings required, Toph.” “We can’t skim down on any of those buildings?” “No, Toph.” She took some of her hair and started playing with it. “Then why not make the land just to the north, I forgot what it was called-” I answered it for her. “-Chin?” “Yeah. Why not build the capital city there, in Chin?”  _ For one, no. Those bastard sons of Chin will never, ever, get to have the right to be the capital. They don’t deserve it _ . 

Yet, I wasn’t going to let my personal bias get in the way of the Empire as a whole.  _ It’s still a poor idea _ . “It’s the southwestern corner of the Empire.” “And? Isn’t Ba Sing Se the northeastern? That’s what I was told when I asked where Ba Sing Se was. Are those people I asked  _ wrong _ ?”  _ They’re not wrong, though. _ “No, Toph. Ba Sing Se is in the northeast.” She huffed, crossing her arms together. “So then  _ why  _ can’t our capital be Kyoshi Island? Or Chin? Or somewhere near there?” I sighed. “Where we are now is… massive… massive is an understatement. It’s been  _ built  _ to be a capital city over thousands of years.” 

She asked a very wise question. “Why didn’t they build a capital city in the center of the Empire?” “Ba Sing Se was the center. I think.” Proving her perception, she asked another hard question. “Which came first, the Earth Kings making Ba Sing Se a large city from a small city or was the city already large and the Earth Kings just chose to use it as their city?” And I, preferring disappointment over a lie, replied. “I have no idea.” She stopped playing with her hair and moved on to digging her hands around in the dirt. “How long did it take to build?” “Generations. Hundreds of years.”  _ I’m guessing it’s that. Probably forever as it’s still expanding. I don’t know when the Old City was first founded. Five thousand years ago? Four? At least. _

“Then why can’t we build Kyoshi Island, or Chin, or one of those places?” “It would take generations, Toph.” “We have metalbenders now.” “Fine, _fine_. Maybe it’d take _one_ generation. But then everyone would have to get there.” She slammed the ground with her fist. “We build monorails. I’ll have us build monorails. I’ll build them _myself_.” _No._ “No…” she cut me off. “Is it because you don’t think I’m able to do it?” _What?_ I sat up and put a hand on her head. “No, no, you’re… well… it’s a whole _continent_ you’d have to cross, but… no, if anyone can do it, it’s you.” She rolled around, speaking as she did so. “Then why not?” _You can’t see a map._ “Kyoshi Island is an _island_.” “So?” she snapped back. “We can build a large bridge!” _What?_ “Chin is… it’s so far, it’s… it’s practically beyond the horizon!” _It’d be the greatest engineering project of all time_. “I don’t know what that is!” she replied, honestly and loud. “Will you give up on making Kyoshi Island our capital?” “No, because I want to go visit there again.” “Why?” “I want a house there.” 

“What?” I choked on my inhaling of nothing. “All of this is about a  _ house _ ?” She sat up. “Yes!” she said, quite shocked. “Why didn’t you just ask that?” “I did.”  _ You said ‘we can go on a vacation’ then declared we should make it our capital. Neither of those is about a house. Unless you mean a vacation house.  _ “Do you mean a vacation house?” She leaned her head back and slowly went “ _ yes, Kyoshi, yes... _ ” “A vacation house… we…” I stuttered, “we...  _ have  _ vacation houses, Toph. They’re called Palaces. We have Imperial River Palaces and Imperial Hunting Palaces and Imperial-” she put her hand on my mouth again. 

“I’m not talking about a Palace. I’m talking about a  _ house _ .” I was confused by her statement. “What do you mean ‘a house’?” She stated “A house” with matter-of-fact certainty. That didn’t stop me from misunderstanding her. “Like a  _ siheyuan _ ? What you lived in, in Gaoling?”  _ Since that’s the only kind of house you ever knew. _ “No, I mean a  _ house _ ” and she splayed her hands, as if to try and stress her point. “A house house?” I countered, since I didn’t know what she was talking about. She sighed. “Allow me to demonstrate” and she got off my chest and stood up. 

She turned towards an empty part of the grass plot and got to work with earthbending. She stomped the ground a few times and made four walls appear. Then she brought her hands together and made a very large earth tent to cover the walls. She did some hand presses and most of the earth tent was reduced to dust, leaving just the pitched roof of the house. “Kyoshi! Do your houses have second stories?” I didn’t really know how to answer that. I didn’t even know what she was trying to do. “They don’t have a second story but there  _ is  _ a floor. We call it a loft.” Still staring at the wall, she yelled back “I’ve heard of those! Got it!” then she catapulted herself into her own roof, causing the whole thing to crumble inwards.  _ This is...amazing.  _ She exited the four-walls-no-roof building and tried the earth tent tactic again. She did two upwards palm strikes with the culmination being touching the tips of her fingers together. She stomped the ground four times and finished off her technique with two downwards palm strikes, returning the excess portion of the earth tent walls to the dirt. A few sweeps smoothened the ground. 

I was interrupted by an attendant randomly jumping us. “Would Your Majesties like some treats?” I glanced at the Empress… she was somewhere inside that hole… then back at the attendant.  _ Oh, you’re holding a tray. Of treats. Got it _ . “I’ll be happy to, thanks.” I grabbed the tray and placed it elsewhere on the grass. A bunch of loud smashing sounds occurred in the background. By the time I was done with this  _ very simple task that took far longer than it needed to because I didn’t want to spill the gummy bowl _ , Toph emerged, her hair and fingers dirty with the topsoil. She strolled over to me and grabbed me by the collar. “ _ We’re going inside there _ .” 

I followed her inside and away from the doorway or the light it was granting us. “Is it supposed to be this dark in here? This is more like a cave.” “What a terrible problem”, the Empress said, sarcastically. I got on my knees and accidentally bumped my head into Toph’s… back. “Please, Your Majesty. Windows.” Toph laughed loudly and proudly before doing  _ something  _ that resulted in a window on three sides appearing. I could finally  _ see  _ her. “You’ve got a door and three holes for air. And a loft.” I looked around, because second-story lofts are known to be on the first story, then realized the staircase over by one of the walls was how I was supposed to climb up. 

“Are we supposed to go up there, Toph?” “Yes. We are.” Then she climbed up there. “Can I get you some treats?” “Sure.” her voice boomed from the darkness. I spun around, found the correct hole with which to climb out of,  _ it’s a window without a window, on the ground floor, of course _ , and went to grab the tray of treats. Out there,  _ another  _ attendant randomly jumped myself. “A blanket for Your Majesty?”  _ A blanket?  _ “It’s approximately warm out here. I don’t need a blanket.” “A pillow?” She bore neither, but like a good saleswoman, she knew to offer things that didn’t exist. “Also no.” “Anything else?” “Please go back to your hiding place. If I need anything, I’ll ask.” The attendant smiled and I went back inside,  _ the door this time _ , with some treats. I called up to the ceiling “Toph! How do you want your treats?” “In my mouth!” the darkness yelled back to me.  _ Okay then.  _ “Can you blast a small hole in the loft area?” One loud  _ smash  _ later, indirect light poured in from the top.  _ At least now I can see. Thank you, Toph _ .

I climbed up there and found the Empress resting against  _ a stone?, really? _ , while scratching her toes. “What took you so long? You had to go to Omashu to get these?” I placed the tray at her side. She felt around and picked up one of those gummies from the gummy bowl. I sat down at her other side, one of my feet almost dangling out the window, the other parallel to hers. “These are very good, Kyoshi,” she said while… chewing on said gummies. I might’ve said something like ‘thank the Imperial Steward’ but instead of getting away with that she grabbed my chin, turned me towards her, and handed me a gummy. 

“Am I supposed to eat this...Toph?” “You’re supposed to cut in half,  _ obviously _ .” Her eye roll failed so spectacularly that I took her seriously. I pulled a knife from my pants, placed the gummy on the stone, and  _ slice! _ . The blade hit the stone and Toph broke into laughter. “You...oh Kyoshi…” she chuckled relentlessly. I handed her a piece, she flicked it at me, “...it’s yours!...” before falling over herself in laughter at this. I stuck the blade back into its sheath. 

As Toph gobbled up more of these gummies, I thought to continue asking her about the questions from earlier. “So you want a house… like one of these houses.” She nodded. “Like this.” “Yeah,” which I  _ could  _ make out while her mouth was full of red string-like gummies. “Why this?” and I tapped on the hard rock,  _ by Kyoshi it always amazes me how you can just… make this… from just stone _ . 

She flicked another gummy into her mouth, then gave her answer. “Suki told me about how nice it was.” “Did she give you any details?” My reasoning?  _ If so, that makes explaining this much, much easier _ . “She told me how happy everyone was.” “When we weren’t being attacked by  _ daofei,  _ yeah.” “But that’s not a big deal.” “So… you want this house?” She let her hands rest on the floor. “Yes, that’s what I want us to live in.” I shook my head.  _ Did I just hear what I thought I heard?  _ “Did I just hear ‘us’?” I should’ve taken the blushing as a warning. I didn’t. Because I’m a tree.

“Kyoshi, can I get a good look at you?” She held out her palms. “Of course.” I took her palms in mine,  _ not that hard to do, her palms are much smaller _ , and placed them on my face. She adjusted how she was sitting to lean in somewhat closely to I. She  _ slowly  _ ran her hands, somewhat dirty I’ll admit, but they’re still hers and that’s the beauty in them, over my face. My forehead, my nose’s bridge, my nose, my cheeks, down to my mouth and my chin. She took a  _ lot  _ of time to just play with my soon-to-be-a-beard chin hair. “I like it. I like it.” she joked. “I want progress updates on this” and she wagged her palm. But she wasn’t joking.  _ Okay, the tickling part that made me fall over like a child laughing was joking.  _ After  _ that,  _ she helped me back up, a grin on her face and a smile on mine. 

“You were talking about a house on Kyoshi Island?” I asked, wanting to get back to before. Instead of immediately answering, she went and grabbed my ears,  _ ow _ , then ran her hands over my long hair all the way to its end. “I was… I want a house for us. Yeah. For the future. I’d like a house where we can raise children.” My voice decided  _ now  _ was the right time to collapse. “Did you just say what I think you said?” My voice screeched like I had just received a good kick in the pants. “I… did.” She blushed again.  _ Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Full stop. Woah. This… this just… became something… woah. _

_ Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. What… children? I…  _ I started talking to myself. “Okay… okay… yes.” Toph didn’t stop that blush of hers. Whether she cared about it or not… well it didn’t stop. I counted them off on my finger as if to confirm what was going on. “First, you want a house on Kyoshi Island,  _ Kyoshi Island _ , so you can raise  _ children _ . Children. Secondly, why… what… what…  _ children _ . Why…  _ children _ … children… children… children… ”  _ breathe… breathe… you don’t need… to… have… all… the… air… escape… your… body. It’s… okay. Deep breaths… Inhale, exhale, take it slow, take it easy.  _ “...children. On Kyoshi Island. Why on Kyoshi Island?”  _ Why children? I… what?  _

I took Toph’s hands in mine and looked back at her… she was sitting cross-legged next to me. “ _ Children.  _ You said the word ‘children.’” and I shook both her hands. “I did.” “You said… you… you said  _ children _ .” My voice was constantly cut short by these fast breaths. “I did.” “You… Toph… my Empress… Your Majesty… you said  _ children _ .” I shook her hands with a…  _ why do I feel so terrified? What’s happening to me? _ ... mix of a funny feeling and fear and…  _ love? _ . “I did. I said children.” 

“But… you… but…” she cut me off with a smug comment. “I know. I said children. It’s okay. You don’t need to lose your mind.” I was finally able to put together a coherent sentence. “You said it!” and I shook her hands again. “I did!” she responded with a tone that bordered on laughter. But it… wasn’t. “You said children.” “Yes. And I’ll say it again.”  _ What in the name of… me?  _ “ _ Why  _ did you say children?” “Because… I’d like to let them live on Kyoshi Island. They can grow up and learn the skills  _ you  _ did, since I learned nothing in Gaoling.”  _ Wait. Hold a miao. You… you want…  _ My hyperventilating renewed itself. 

“You… Toph… want children to… to…  _ live  _ on Kyoshi Island… because… you want them to… grow up…  _ grow up _ …”  _ to grow up, and...  _ “...like  _ me _ . Like me.” “Yeah. If only you were a bender,” she answered with a quip. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Toph.” Her hands tightly squeezed mine. Her nonchalant attitude wasn’t as reassuring as she thought it was. “How else do you want me to explain it to you?”  _ I… I have no words. I’m just… this went from random fun intimacy to serious and…  _ “Say what you… think. It’s… okay.”

“I  _ want  _ our descendants to grow up on Kyoshi Island, where they can learn to catch birds with bows and be big and tall…” her voice got sadder, but in a bittersweet kind of way. “...and I don’t want them to have to wear scratchy dresses.”  _ I… this is why?  _ “I’m wearing one such robe made in my home’s style. It’s not that itchy.” She took her right hand and stuck it inside my robe, feeling the material around. This made her sniffle. “I...want them to get to dress as they like. How you all dress. I don’t want them to have to bow to a giant rock for some reason. Suki said you all didn’t have to. I don’t…” she ran her hands over mine again, giving them another squeeze. “I don’t want… they shouldn’t be  _ forced  _ to only drink a little tea at a time. Or eat a single grain of rice at a time. Do you… do you understand, Kyoshi?” and she began crying. I didn’t speak. I just took my hands off her and wiped the tears from her face. 

Then I pulled her into my chest to let her cry into my chest. She took her hands and parted my robe, which let her lean against my chest itself. “I want them… I want them to have friends… to play with. Because you and Suki had friends, the Kyoshi Warriors, right?” “Yes, we did. I still think of each of them…”  _ everyday _ . “They… they shouldn’t have to… go without friends.” I took my sash -no need, she pulled my robe part way off- and let her wipe her face with it. “You understand… right?” I knocked my forehead against hers. “I do, Toph.”  _ I really do. You weren’t allowed to learn anything martial. You weren’t allowed to dress how you liked. You weren’t allowed to do as you wish instead being forced to participate in spiritual rituals. You weren’t allowed to have friends. I don’t know why my upbringing is so vastly superior… but… I can’t really debate my cousin, can I?  _ As she wiped the rest of her tears away leaving her face reddened from it all, I asked “Toph, why are you discussing descendants?” She kept to a blush.

“I was… thinking…” she tapped her fingers together. As she did, her tone returned to her normal tone. “I… I want to go on vacation there first.”  _ Vacation… first _ . “Vacation? Now?” “Vacation, soon. Real soon.” “ _ Why _ ?” She sat back on the ground and scratched her hair of her own accord. “I want to visit the place, you know. Really explore it. Kick over some rocks. Have some seal jerky. You know…” “I… do?” I left it off like a question. “Good. Then we’ll go soon.” 

I was feeling so many emotions at once. Mostly _visiting Kyoshi Island again_. _And… children._ Toph felt my racing heart through my hand and placed hers on my heart. “Fine, we won’t go _right_ now.” _I… it’s not about that. I mean… it’s good that we aren’t rushing off to do that… Ba Sing Se is… safe… it is about Kyoshi Island but…_ “Children. You… why are you talking about children?” “Because… I… I was thinking…” and she was taking a few _miao_ to try and put together a sentence. “I was recently talking with someone… and they… well… they.. .I talked to them and they said… they really explained what I was feeling. It’s like they read… my mind. You know?” _They? And… no, I don’t_. “Who is ‘they’?” “It doesn’t matter. And they all… they understood me. And they… they made me ask a question I never asked myself.” _Who are these people? And what is the question?_

“What’s the question, Toph?” She started giggling like she just delivered the punchline to a joke. “I already answered the question, silly. That’s why I’m here now. It’s a question for  _ you _ .”  _ Uhh…  _ “A question for me?” “No, I was asking a wall,” she pointed at her eyes. “Am I doing this right?”  _ Rolling them?  _ “Yes.” “Good. I was given some good advice, so now we’re here.” I looked at her like I had a lapse in reality for a few  _ miao  _ and missed the answer to the question from earlier. “ _ You still haven’t told me the question! _ ” I insisted. I know, in retrospect I sounded like I was whining. She let out a few booming laughs.

“I'll let you guess the question” and shuffled over to sit on my lap.  _ Let me guess the question. Right. _ I took a full  _ fen  _ of trying to think it through.  _ What does a vacation house, children, and your upbringing versus mine have in common? What does one even have to do with the other?  _ “I have no idea Toph.” She took a long sigh. “Kyoshi, you're a real tree if you haven't figured it out. Between the stuff about a house, and children, and me currently lying on your lap, you should be able to figure it out.”  _ Okay, so, house, children, you lying on my lap. Sounds like a slightly cactus-juice laced heart-to-heart late night conversation. Granted, I didn’t expect to talk about some of these things, but… I’m happy to share my knowledge and opinions on Kyoshi Island, good and bad…  _

Then I remembered that she wanted an answer. “I've got nothing. Really. The three have nothing in common.” She sighed. “You’re such a tree, Kyoshi” and shook her head while laughing into her hand. I tried to defend myself. “Honest. I’ve got nothing!” she put her hand on my chest. “Fine.” She coughed to collect herself.

"Mori, you've been a very loyal and nice bodyguard. I order you to be at my side, now and forever.”

_ What?  _ “ _ That’s not a question _ ,” I said. I heard what she said, but I didn’t  _ hear  _ what she said. In fact, I thought I had lost my mind when she said my name. My  _ actual  _ name. She cupped her own mouth. “Oh. Right, sorry” and she fanned herself. “I… uhh…” she stood up. “So, you’re not half bad for a nonbender and I’m the best earthbender ever, let’s marry.” While my mind was collapsing, I managed to hide my confusion with “ _ That’s not a question _ .” Then it hit me. “Wait… no, a monarch doesn’t ask. I’m supposed to get on my knees and grovel.” “Hmm. How about this” and she raised her finger and jutted it at me. 

“Considering you’re already my Consort, and I feel your heart racing all the time we’re together, oh, and I  _ know  _ you like me, this’ll be an easy question.”  _ Right, right.  _ “Yes?” I asked, looking up at her. “Wanna get married? There’s lots of perks included” and she took my hand.  _ I… didn’t expect this today.  _

I felt very lightheaded, like I was in a dream. “Yes…”  _ isn’t there something else to this?  _ “Good, you were prohibited from saying ‘no.’” I held up my hand. “Wait, wait, aren’t I supposed to…”  _ traditions _ , “...get on my knees and go into a few full kowtows to you? I’m supposed to proclaim my love for you and all that, right?” “You  _ are _ ? Sweet.” Then she backed up. “Alright, Kyoshi” she waved me on, “say your words.”

_ Okay… this is… I don’t think I remember these.  _ “Your Majesty, I profess my…”  _ next word? _ ... “...undying love to you.”  _ One kowtow _ . “Beneath the-” I was going to say ‘Jade Emperor’ and bring up my ancestors... but she cut me off. “You can say that again, Kyoshi.” “I… profess my undying love to you?” and I kowtowed again. She laughed. “Oh it’s  _ so, so  _ cheesy.” Then she hammerfisted me in my sword-arm’s shoulder, and accompanied it with her usual tone. “Talk like a normal person, Kyoshi.” “ _ I love you _ ?” No, I didn’t mean for it to sound like a question. It  _ is  _ the truth. “Say it  _ again _ . Like a normal person.” I rose from my kowtow.  _ Say it. Say what you’ve been really thinking.  _ “I love you, Toph.” “Good. I like you, too.” and  _ now  _ she grinned. 

“Now, can we get to the fun stuff?” and she knelt in front of me.  _ I… I think I need… to lie down _ . “What kind of ‘fun stuff?’” I said, far too nervous for the situation. Not nervous because of her, nervous because…  _ I think I’m going to faint _ . “What… what kind?” She knee-walked closer to me. “The  _ fun  _ kind. Don’t you  _ dare  _ think I haven’t been dreaming of  _ this _ .” 

Then she grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss.  _ A kiss. On the lips _ . 

Did I… faint? Did I go ‘I didn’t expect this today’? Did I stop and go on a long tangent about the history of romance and lovemaking in the continent and compared the ceremonies of Kyoshi Island to the ceremonies in Gaoling? Did I point out the irony of Toph, a woman who is far from ‘polite’ waiting until  _ now  _ to get with the kissing? Did I point out that, to the best of my knowledge, she’d already kissed me on the cheeks before? After Sozin’s Comet, namely? Did I do any of that?

No, I wrapped my arms around her, grabbed her by the back of the head and by her back, and embraced in the kiss. Not because I took a long amount of time analyzing it, but because… it felt like the right thing to do. For record’s sake, no, she wasn’t that good with kissing, but then again neither am I. After a few  _ miao _ , it felt like a whole year went by, I broke off from our sloppy, sloppy attempt at a kiss by falling backwards and resting my head against the wall.

_ What… deep breath… what just happened?  _ I looked at the woman who was snickering almost hysterically. I think I made out a “That was the kinda fun I’m talking about!” before, within a few moments, crossing the like five feet of distance and coming up to my side.  _ I… don’t even.  _ “Did that just happen?” I asked her, looking her in her faded eyes. She gave no verbal response, just a smile.  _ I’m losing my mind _ . I felt my lips with my tongue…  _ it tastes like fire gummies. I didn’t eat any fire gummies _ .  _ It’s… real. It happened _ . Then she did something even weirder.

She pressed her lips into my neck. _Just… faint. I’m just going to faint_. She pressed her lips into my neck for a _fen_. I felt every _miao_ of her lips on my neck. It was _more_ than enough for me to start vibrating like a really cold person. I vibrated and vibrated and she stopped… that. “Are you...okay?” She put a hand on my thigh. “No,” I replied. “I’m…” she made me stop by rubbing that spot… where she kissed my neck. “I… no. I’m...” I trailed off. _I don’t even… words._

“What got you worked up, Kyoshi?” she  _ slammed  _ her fist into my shoulder.  _ Ow.  _ “I… you just… you… you just… you just… kissed my neck. You… oogies.” She went from serious to… maddening giggling. “You’re right, Kyoshi! Such filthy filthy oogies!” then she leaned in to be close enough that I could feel her breath. “ _ You like ‘em _ ?” The only way I could rationalize this was this; “I… aren’t you a hypocrite for hating oogies and also participating in them?” “ _ Ma...ybe. Maybe not.” Maybe… maybe not _ . I had no idea what to do next. She changed the conversation. “Didya like it?” “It was…”  _ the kiss. I kissed the Empress of the Earth Empire _ . “...sloppy. It was sloppy and it was…” I took a breath. “Yes… I…  _ did _ .” “Good.” she ran her hand over mine. “ _ I’m not done having fun _ .” 

This time, she sat down on top of my lap, felt around until she found my head, then pulled me into a kiss. This time, she had  _ some  _ idea of what she wanted to do. Namely, running both her hands into my hair. This one was a brief as I had to push her off. She made a very… unlike her ‘aww’ sound. “Why?” was all she actually asked. “I…” I panted. “I need a breath.” She put her hand on my chest. Once I was done hyperventilating,  _ I got kissed _ , she licked her lips and went right back at it. 

This time, I finally noticed that the rest of me that wasn’t panting had mostly melted against the wall.  _ I feel so… strange _ . This kiss, she took to experimenting a bit more. My cheeks, more of my cheeks, my cheeks again, my cheeks again, capped off with her pressing her lips against mine and…  _ are you trying to forcefully stab me with your tongue? What in the name of me?  _ As I had no idea what was happening, I asked something completely different.  _ This still feels like a dream, maybe she feels the same way?  _ I broke off from the kiss for two  _ miao,  _ long enough to ask “How… do you feel? What are you feeling?” “Like I’m having a fever.”  _ Right, so it’s not just me. We’re both living in a fever dream _ .

Like any good fever dream, it abruptly, almost randomly, ended. She backed off and said, in the best way to describe it, ‘soft voice pretending to be commanding' voice; “Stay here. I’ve got to get you something.” I leaned back against the corner of the wall and the window hole. I rubbed my neck. I kept rubbing it. I rubbed my lips. I blinked a few times and it felt like I opened my good eye to a new world. A new… everything. 

The grass was slightly greener, the water was calm and tepid and placid, the birds chirped in a harmonious chorus and the Sun was lowering itself in the western sky. Halfway to setting, maybe a bit more. The streams of light weaved their way through the forest. Everything was so… weird. I rubbed my neck again. The forest smelled so nice and… forest-y. I pinched my arm,  _ no, I’m alive. I’m here. This is happening. This is real. I just got… I just got… kissed… by the Earth Empress. Multiple times! Oh, who am I kidding, I just got kissed by Toph! The Blind Bandit! The best earthbender ever, and don’t anyone dare debate that!  _ I felt my arms go numb. Then my legs went numb. It was so… great. It felt like I had died and ascended to the Jade Palace. I hadn’t. And I’m so glad I hadn’t. A thousand dreams I never remembered having come true at the same time. The  _ best  _ of dreams.  _ Marriage. She… this is how she confirmed our engagement _ . I’m far prouder that she made the first move,  _ I’d have taken far longer to _ .  _ Yes, Toph! Yes!  _

I couldn’t raise my hands to give a prayer to Kyoshi, so I simply verbally said “Ancestor, I hope you’re looking down from up there, and I hope you’re smiling.” Then I looked south, or the southmost I could look from inside the window-hole, towards where I assumed my dear cousin would be. “Sukes. You got your wish.” I looked across the room and to the east. Sai was still imprisoned, but General Jun was personally leading some twenty thousand men to Xintao.  _ She’s Sai, everyone else in Xintao will find that they need to be afraid of her, not the other way around.  _ The most recent reports claimed Xintao had no idea what happened to Huan, and Jun departed not half a day later. My thinking was distracted by the return of two friends I had sorely missed.

Toph was riding Lord Qiangyang while carrying a small bag of some kind. Nan was striding along their side, woofing happily up to her. When Toph wanted to, all she had to do was whisper to Lord Qiangyang and he stopped. He gave an absolutely adorable soft croon as he lowered a paw to let her off. “Who’s that bag for?” I shouted. “Gifts for you, Kyoshi!” she yelled.  _ I have no idea why you dismounted in a normal fashion.  _ To note, she had a real bounce in her step, almost like…  _ well not like… that just happened that you thought happened. _ She stomped the ground and made a staircase appear next to the hole in the wall I was resting by. Once up here, she knock-knock crumbled a different of the wall, then strolled inside like she didn’t just do that.

She placed the bag next to me. I looked at this completely simple, basic, bag. I was so confused. “The gift is a bag? I… I’m grateful, but…” she cut me off. “Do you need me to pull them out for you?” She put her hands on her hips, as if to emphasize my stupidity. “Yes? She did as she promised. She sat down on my lap, “Why?” “It’s comfy. Shut up.”  _ Very good point _ , she opened the bag, and took to presenting the items one at a time.

The first was a small ball, about the size of an eye. An eyeball. As black as a meteorite. “You want me to insert this” she held the ball between two of her fingers, “...or do you?” and she wiggled the ball around in her fingers. “I’ll do it. Because I can see what I’m doing.” She nodded along, like that was some kind of good joke and not totally made up at the moment. 

I pulled off my eyepatch, opened my right eyelid for the first time in half a season, and poked…  _ a fake eye that was already there. Right. Right. Of course.  _ I had to fumble around for a bit, it was  _ somewhat  _ painful, that is, opening my eyelid all the way, then the fake eye fell into my other hand. I put the old one in Toph’s hand and took the new one from her. While doing so, I noted that they were wet. “Why are your hands wet?” “I washed them.”  _ That’s… something you do? What?  _ “Why?” “So I wouldn’t get your new fake eye dirty.”  _ Oh. Good point. Good point indeed.  _ I took the new eye and popped it in. It fell in and I blinked my right eyelid a few times to get it to… fit.

I looked at her hands, then at my own. “How did you make this?” She gave me that confident ‘I know I’ll win’ wrestler voice. “I made it out of meteorite and copied the fake eye model.” Once I was done blinking, I could confirm that “It’s in.” “Good.” She then took her hand and felt the rarely-felt spot on the right side of my face where my eye once sat. She rubbed the eyelid, I opened it, she rubbed the eye, then she gave a small smile. “Good. On to the next thing. Wait… no, first,” and she took me by surprise by kissing that cheek. 

While I vibrated like a shivering idiot, she moved on. “Okay,  _ now _ I can go onto the next thing.” She pulled an eyepatch out of the bag. “Do I need to tell you to take it, or can you see it?” and she dangled it in front of me. It was made of greenish blue cloth woven just like the one I normally used. “I got it,” I took it from her hand and handed her the old one in its place. I put it on, tied it, and instantly, involuntarily, remarked “It feels  _ so  _ good against my skin. Thank you.” She gave a small head bow of satisfaction. 

She pulled a small…  _ painting?,  _ out of the bag. “I couldn’t see what they drew, but I’m told it’s good.” I looked at the painting. It was roughly the size of my hand, from corner to corner. It was a very real scene of the two of us. Toph sitting on the Badgermole Throne, I was kneeling just to the side.  _ I remember this.  _ The two of us were dressed in our preferred wear, her in her wrestler outfit with the fuzzy puffball hair bracelet and I in my Imperial Armor without a helmet. “What is it?” she asked before I could examine it for details. 

“It’s a painting of that time the Court Painter requested the two of us appear in the Imperial Court. In the middle of the night. And you said ‘it’s night all day for me.’” “Oh! I remember that! How do I look?” I looked, and looked, and looked, and looked some more. “You have the ‘I’m the best earthbender, ever’ smirk and I have the ‘I’m ready for war’ not-really-a-smile smile. It’s not a smile, Suki can probably explain it to you.” I couldn’t help but… actually smile at that. “Is that when you’re feeling confident?” she asked with all the arrogance that the greatest earthbender ever deserved. “Confident  _ and  _ satisfied.” “I  _ see _ ” and she pointed at her own eyes.  _ Ha _ . 

Spontaneously, I had this to say. “Don’t worry, this painting gives you beautiful green eyes. Can’t compare to the real ones, but they’re almost good enough.” Toph blushed. Then she tried to refrain from laughter. “You need to work on your cheesy comments.” “No I don’t,” I asserted. “Oh, just look on the other side of the painting!” I flipped it over and found… a scribble. “What’s this scribble? Is it supposed to be words? Did you let a drunk gain access to this?” She couldn’t keep her composure up. “I  _ signed  _ it for you!” and she let out a few cackles. “That’s...very nice of you. Strange of them. Letting the blind girl sign her name.” “I know.  _ Genius _ .” and the two of us began nodding at the same time. Then we joined in a union of laughter and knee-slapping. When that was done, I noted that  _ it’s small enough I can carry it around _ . At the same time, Toph put the old items in the bag and pulled out the last one. 

_ Is that a...ring?  _ I didn’t want to get caught on being an idiot again, so I asked “What’s that, Toph?” “It’s a ring.”  _ Oh _ . “That’s a ring?” “I had it forged myself, yes.”  _ I… wow… you’re the best, Toph _ . I  _ formally  _ choked up on my words. “Why are you giving me a ring?” “I consulted the Imperial Minister of the Imperial Clan of Imperial-ness. He said that you should get  _ some  _ kind of jewelry. I don’t think you’re a fan of my bracers, so I rejected those. It was either that, a necklace, or one of two kinds of rings.” 

_ I had options?  _ “I’m not against other kinds of rings. This… this is a thumb ring for bows.” “Oh-” Toph paused,“-he also said that you’d need to get an examination at the Imperial Infirmary first for the other kind of ring because past examinations showed you were quote ‘too sensitive’ or something. I don’t remember. He also said that the ring wouldn’t be removable but it would be something I ‘might like’ in a few years.”  _ What?  _ “What kind of ring isn’t removable? Where was I supposed to wear it? Earrings are removable.” “Oh, it was…” she rubbed the back of her head, “...somewhere else. Somewhere that you’d, he said, you’d need  _ after  _ marriage.”

“Anyways,” she waved the past paragraph away, “it sounded like a lot of blah blah, and since I wanted to surprise you and I know how much we both dislike that place, I went with this one. Also, you’re an archer, so you’d need it” She placed the bag on the ground and knelt next to me. “Give me your hand.” It was a meteorite ring.  _ Archery rings are worn on the better hand.  _ I handed her my left hand. She slowly stuck the piece of meteorite on. Once it was most of the way up my thumb, “alright, you got it,” and she stood back up. I examined the ring. Turning it over,  _ not your fault you put it on upside down _ , revealed… a tree on a blue background. The ring, while made of meteorite, had some kind of gemstone inserted into what I’m going to call the ‘top’ side. The gemstone was blue. In the blue background, taking up most of the center and the bottom half was a conifer tree. Detailed. Individual branches and the main trunk stuck out to me. It was painted a dark, but not dull, green. 

All of this was great, but I had to ask “Why did you give me a tree-ring?” “Are you not the tree-man, Kyoshi?” “I  _ am _ , Toph. I am.” “May you use the ring well. Draw fast and strike hard and all that.” Before I could laugh at her comment, she hugged me. I whispered “Thank you for these gifts.” “No problem, tree-man.” Then, without warning, she kissed my left ear.  _ Oh come on. First you win in wrestling, and now this. _

“Your Majesties! Your Majesties! Your Majesties!” a voice out there was yelling. Toph pulled her head out of our hug because “I’m the more Imperial.one, of course.” I spun around to see an Imperial Guard running towards us. Not just any, the braided beard,  _ Kotyan _ . “Yes, Captain?” I yelled back. The badgermole and the wolf-dog knew him well and didn’t kill him. He ran between the two. “I bring dire news!” He didn’t bother with some formality, we didn’t care. 

“What is it?” the two of us asked simultaneously. “New Taku seceded. We heard criers declaring the ‘nation’s’ independence across Ba Sing Se.”  _ What… in the name of the holy Empress? Secession? Independence? Wait, wait, what’s that in your hand?  _ I pointed at the letter. “What’s that?” “‘ts an unbroken seal, a letter from a messenger hawk from New Taku. The seal is of the Head of the People’s Business Council of New Taku.” I didn’t even think about the title. I was busy watching Toph standing there, dumbfounded. “Secession…” was all she managed to say. “Want me to read it?” In an out-of-nowhere commanding voice, she barked “Yes. Do it!” 

So, as per her orders, I ran down the staircase and grabbed the scroll. The scroll was quite wide but not very long. I broke the seal. The font was like looking at a flower in bloom. The closer you look, the more precise, the more delicate. These were the strokes of someone living in nobility for all their life, practicing traditional handwriting each day. 

I read the following scroll out loud.

_ To the Usurper in Ba Sing Se,  _

_ For a hundred and thirty five years, the people of the Colonies have represented a fusion of the new and old ways. Of those from the east and west, unified and synthesized. The culture born here is unlike any to ever exist. Advances in technology have given those here advantages in all fields that their forefathers could not. The Colonies gave us mechanized vehicles, heavier-than-air flight, and an interconnected infrastructure system. The people born here are not of the Kingdom, nor are they of the Fire Islands. They are a new people entirely. Colonials from across the Colonies have flocked to New Taku in search of the future. They are pioneers taming the wilderness, they made the lands fruitful and the coasts bountiful, they built villages and outposts and a thriving self-sufficient economy. They strive for the age of peace and bring technological progress to any and all who reside here, regardless of status or affiliation. _

_ The Colonial people have fought tirelessly and loyally from the first settlement a hundred and thirty seven years ago until now. They have fought for the side of rights and personal freedoms. We sided with the Avatar against tyranny and led the vanguard to the close of the Hundred Year War. In the first month and first day of spring, year One Hundred and Thirteen of the Air Avatar, the Air Avatar declared that each cultural, ethnic or spiritual group has the right to self-determination. All four nations were given this right since time immemorial.  _

_ It is only fair that the Colonies, home to the people with the will to succeed and the persistent to stand against any and all, be granted the right as the other four nations. In the first month and first day of spring, year One Hundred and Fourteen of the Air Avatar, the City of New Taku held a summit to vote on granting itself independence based on the rules and rites instituted by His Holiness, the Avatar. The resolution passed with a nine-two majority for independence. The date of independence was determined to be the Summer Solstice, a date that all know.  _

_ Members of the People’s Council, members of the People’s Business Council, members of the Colonial Army, Colonial Navy and Colonial Air Corps, and officials from each and every hamlet, village, outpost and town within the boundaries of New Taku are gathered here, together, on the last day of the Empire’s control over the city, Midsummer’s Eve. The Empire’s control over the city will expire when the half-moon sinks into the western horizon tonight. Upon the start of the new day, the Summer Solstice, all within the territorial boundaries of the Colony of New Taku will become the Nation of New Taku.  _

_ The Nation of New Taku welcomes all fellow Colonials and those that wish to escape tyranny, regardless of where they are born or what they believe in. The Nation of New Taku bases itself on the values imbued in our Colonial heritage. All inhabitants will be granted the same freedoms of the right to vote, the right to maintain one’s own beliefs, the right to educate others on one’s own beliefs, the right to maintain one’s own culture and the right to educate oneself and others on said culture. We declare that the holy sites within our boundaries, regardless of beliefs, will be protected. We appeal to the Four Nations for aid, to assist with building a new people’s new land and to cooperate with us in protection of the spiritual sites. We are officially at peace with the peoples of the Four Nations. All are welcome.  _

_ We denounce the Usurper’s rule on Ba Sing Se and on the Empire. We officially recognize the Hou-Ting Dynasty as the keepers of the Badgermole Throne. People of the Empire, join your brothers and sisters in protecting freedom against tyranny! We denounce the legitimacy of the Usurper Empress, as she has been proven to be an illegitimate child pretending to bear her surname. In reality, she is not of royal blood, she was installed by a conquering power as a puppet ruler in the final year of the Hundred Year War. She has mocked the Avatar and stands against him in the way of world peace. She is a tyrant who kills all that get in her way. _

_ It is the Avatar’s Will, may the Avatar guide us forever onwards. Signed, Lord Lao Beifong _ . 

There were other signatures… but I was interrupted from reading them... 

“ _ Mori _ .” the Empress said my name, the last vestiges of being calm leaving her. Her saying my true name brought a shiver down my spine.

I turned around and encountered a woman red with  _ fury  _ and balling her hands into fists. She began vibrating, making the ground beneath our feet quaking.  _ No. Toph _ . I ran over to her, grabbed her with both arms, and pulled her into a hug. “I’m here for you, my Empress. I’m-” I tried to stroke her hair, “-here for you, Toph.” 

She threw me off her. She punched the air and screamed. “ _ Bring me his fucking head! _ ” I staggered to my feet. I could only stagger. “I  _ will _ do as you command. I will. I will.” Her face was red with fury as she punched the sky again, like a propaganda poster come to life. 

“I will do as you command, Toph.” She punched me in the shoulder. Then shouted “Go!”. I slowly backed away. 

“I will return, my Empress. I will return, Toph” I stumbled over myself as I got into one final kowtow to her. 

We’re going to hit them before they can muster anyone. That’s the orders I gave when I stumbled into the Imperial Palace, letter in hand. The rest of the orders, the rest of it, none of it matters. I declared an emergency muster tonight. I’m leading them to New Taku, myself. I will march against any who stand against the Empress or the Empire. The Emperor will not be seen as a cowardly airbender. I will march against them all. 

My last act in the Palace was a letter Kotyan will read to her. “I love you, Toph. May we marry when this war ends. I will see this done.”

Accompanied by Lieutenant Taishi, Zhu the  _ yunjiwei _ and my wolf-dog Nan, we departed as the red Sun sank into the west. 

_ My duty is to my Empire. My duty is to Toph.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time... the march begins.
> 
> -The chapter title is a reference to a Seeker's song, "A World of Our Own", which, in universe, is one of the "Hymns of a Homesick Kyoshi Warrior."   
> -The start of this chapter is meant to be both emblematic of the earlier chapters ('I awoke on the finest sheets'-style) and be the partial culmination of the two's chemistry. It is in bed that the two get to be the most relaxed. And wholesome.  
> -Their journey is meant to also be emblematic, Toph literally dragging Mori somewhere. And, yet, as always, he doesn't mind.  
> -The pond and surrounding forest is meant to parallel Kyoshi Island (as he points out), or, narratively, the place of his (and, possibly her) dreams.  
> -Mori's reflections to Kyoshi Island helps tie the whole series, and all the chapters thus far, together, in one narrative.  
> -Lao Ge's first appearance is a 'Records' reference.  
> -There is a little hint of a coming of age story amidst all the politics and warring: "The days when my biggest worry was whether the trees I liked and birds I like would be at a new place." Except, for all intents and purposes, Mori already came of age.  
> -Sometimes, all it takes is someone else saying a single sentence, or two, to make you realize everything that's just happened. A few sentences can blow away all the numbness. I based it on the concept of bouncing ideas off one another.   
> -One motif that's been rarely outright stated but often implied is aliases. In fact, it's something of a moral to the whole story:  
> -Toph, beneath being the Blind Bandit (in canon), and the Earth Empress, titles, titles, titles, is just a young woman. She likes to remind Mori of it, "I have a name". She has insecurities, and feelings/opinions, and fears/worries.  
> -Mori's far more aware of this, calling himself the tree-man among other titles, but for all he's aware of the titles (due to being an outsider), he, too, conceals some insecurities, feelings, and fears.  
> -Whereas Toph is quick to continue her tangent of going on a vacation (and then other things), Mori resumes thinking about things from the perspective of being the Emperor.   
> -If I had to summarize the two characters in a single sentence, it'd be the above.  
> -Toph's feelings are her own, she's just acting a bit... differently... because of advice she was given by someone.  
> -The kiss scene: I've been waiting for this for 1 million words.   
> -The kiss scene: I tried to base it on realism. Two people kissing that have almost no idea what they're doing are going to be quite sloppy about it. From people I've sourced, the allure of staying in a kiss is so powerful that 'you don't want to leave it'. Likewise, the escalation from one action (a sloppy kiss) to another (kissing with tongue) is based on, again, thank you people I've sourced, a desire for spontaneous experimentation.  
> -Yes, I know this is cheesy. I didn't want to just write "And they kissed" like some kind of romcom because these people have no idea what they're doing.   
> -The painting scene was never shown in writing, but it takes place before the Xishan arc.  
> -The other ring option... well, it's up for you to guess. Hint, Toph has a lot in common with Queen Victoria.  
> -The New Taku Declaration of Independence is based on some real life declarations of independence. It's up to you to figure out which.  
> -That is the first f-bomb here.


	91. Everybody Get Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor rides west.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Seven:

I left the Imperial Palace in a high speed fury. Clothes on and all the equipment brought along. We were on a war footing. All those times I talk about ‘getting dressed for war’ or ‘getting prepared for war’, well, now that all came to a point. And, credit to the attendants and courtiers who were summoned in the early evening, everyone did exactly as they were supposed to. The best way to describe exactly what was going through my head was ‘I’m going to take this man’s head and stick it on a pike’. Then that pike would be delivered to someone. _A good wedding gift, ensuring that the mastermind is no longer alive._

I had letters written on the ride southward, I had letters sealed and had said sent to the officers calling for volunteers. I put an expectation at ten thousand riders and only the latest and best aircraft and tanks. Little did I know I’d be receiving far more than that. However, before we get to that, it is important to cover _why_ I was insistent on rushing west at fast speed and ignorant of waiting around for traditional full armies to muster. 

From the moment I learned that there was secession, my mind raced through how we’d approach this. And I came to the same conclusion every single time I pondered it. Past secessions, think Nan Day Island, were their weakest when they seceded. As soon as we received the news, we set out. Aside from the disaster on the northern side of the island, _a result from underestimating one’s opponents_ , we captured the island within a few days. New Taku proper is not that much larger in land size. 

It’s a city on the end of a peninsula. The city’s only land based approach is foothills that turn to plains. The plains country itself is quite small. The northern and southern banks of the two rivers that cut it into a peninsula are also relatively flat. In all directions from the city, easily within a morning’s ride, the river banks and foothills become tall snow-capped mountains. Those mountains stretch east. These mountains run north and south along the coasts. A few day’s march north or south, the mountains become lowlands, a coastal plain, once again. But nowhere near New Taku. New Taku’s a city at the seaside edge of a peninsula with only one approach and a whole ocean to it’s west. All together, if we looked at maps, New Taku’s like the greatest coastal fort in history, no? 

Except… All it’s defenses are what penalizes it in the long run. A departing army _can’t_ go north or south along a coastal plain that doesn’t exist. They could try to march through the northern or southern mountains, but the passes are thin. A departing army might not want to brave the Mo Ce Sea due to the Empire’s unqestioned naval supremacy. We have ships, biplanes and even aircraft carriers. A departing army either stays near the city, just to the east, or departs the city and goes elsewhere. 

New Taku would be a great fortification back in the days when naval siege artillery didn’t exist. Or when communication and transportation took forever, so by the time anyone reacted -especially on the other end of the continent- the defenders would be prepared. 

Riders aren’t known for their mountainous capabilities. But they don’t need to be. As aforementioned, this city just seceded. The Solstice was a few days ago. We don’t _need_ to take New Taku. We just need to smash it’s army into little pieces, then kill those pieces, before the Imperial Army and the Imperial Navy show up. If we can contain the issue, it won’t spread. Nobody will support a revolution if it dies in its infancy. The riders aren’t going to be laying siege to the city forever. They’re going to be for destroying whatever army New Taku dares send against us. If we really _do_ hit the New Takuans with a decisive blow, then the riders could besiege a passionless city. The tanks and aircraft are essential: they’re for giving land and air superiority, since the Colonies possess tanks and aircraft of their own. 

Why not accept the hundred thousand reinforcements? Those men need food. Those men need transportation. Those men need guidance. Those men will slow us down. They can come _later_ , after the first phase has been completed. I told General How that they should ‘be sent as reserves at a later point in time.’ He has no choice but to accept my reason, because I am an Imperial Commander, and, if anyone’s aware of what happened the previous day, I wield a newfound superiority over every single other person in the Empire, save one. Not that I think I’m superior to any of them, it’s just the first of many perks of my new status.

_Her Imperial Majesty’s betrothed won’t be refused. She may avert tradition, but the deal was still struck._

While I slept, feeling quite light, _because someone’s normally lying on it_ , two officers joined us. Sergeant General Fengji had whites sprouting from his grey topknot. His beard was curated but wide, not coming to a point like most Imperials. He carried a ceremonial _jian_ scabbard. 

While such a rank implies he’s leading a large army, he was only in command of his personal retinue. General How assigned him and him in particular to lead all the logistical elements of this campaign. Fengji lacked the military capabilities that one would think his rank would grant, but he’s run many of How’s personal campaigns for years and had his recommendation. Fine. That’s good enough for me. There’s a lot of officers in the Imperial Army who outright don’t deserve the rank, so someone who owns it and isn’t doing what _I_ think they might be doing isn’t a crime. I’m not an expert on procuring food, nor am I an expert on managing all the registries and ledgers. That’s what officers are for. That’s what _he’s_ for. So I went back to sleep. 

I was asleep until some Imperial Guard banged on my door to tell me that the second officer had arrived. I threw my blanket off, _right, that’s a lot of sweat_ , and sat up. It’s not very Imperial to greet a general dressed in a bedrobe, but that’s one of the many things the folktales miss out on. This officer waited patiently at the doorway while I patiently tied on my clothes. I walked over to him and noted that in place of the usual wear, his helmet, _helmet_ , was adorned with a long plume and that his leg cuffs were wide. It is such that I deduced “You’re an officer of riders, aren’t you?” The man bowed. “I am, Your Majesty.” This was Sergeant General Guiren. 

Sergeant General Guiren is based out of Zhanglicun. He leads a detachment of five thousand riders. Five thousand heavy riders. Full barding on the horses and near-Imperial Armor-level quality armor for his men. The old man’s recent shave showed off his square face. He had a thick white mustache and looked at me with sunken eyes. He carried around a long rider’s _dao_ for slicing from the back of a mount. His plumed helm and armor matched that of his retainers. As his men were in Zhanglicun, I made it a priority that we pick up “As many of them as we can.” Like the other officer, he was sent by General How for being, according to the letter he brought with him, ‘ _a veteran rider with well trained men._ ’ _Very good_ , I thought to myself. Good riders means versatility.

Dawn broke while we crossed the Lower Ring. We had to come to a halt at the crossing and when we did, scrolls were waiting with a full compiled list of General How’s proposed force composition. This review includes personal notes made because the original has a bunch of names and numbers alone and I prefer to have details put aside to know who I am potentially dealing with or commanding. It was as follows:

The Imperial Campaign Against Rebels, led by His Imperial Majesty, the Earth Emperor, Imperial Commander, titles and the rest of my titles. My request to lead the ‘vanguard’ would have me hold direct command over the riders:

-Sergeant General Guiren would be leading fifteen thousand riders, five of which were the aforementioned heavy riders. The rest are ‘regular riders’.

-Sergeant General Wenshunu, _yes, the very same_ , from Boshan’s Qixian, leading ten thousand regular riders

-Sergeant General Bozhuo from the Lower Ring, _nowhere in particular,_ leading another ten thousand regular riders.

-Sergeant General Kuo from the Lower Ring, leading another group of ten thousand riders.

-Lieutenant General Hongji, from Mengxiang, the northern section of the Lower Ring, would be holding direct command over the infantry and attached forces. Aside from twenty thousand of his own infantry, he leads:

-Sergeant General Guangyan, leading twenty thousand infantry. 

-Sergeant General Hongmin “Four-Fingers”, leading twenty thousand infantry. He’s good at sieges, no, not managing siege equipment, but leading assaults on fortifications. He lost a finger in one such assault on the holdfast built in the ruins of Han Tui.

-Senior Colonel Wuzhen, leading ten thousand infantry. He’s known for being quite good at flanking. 

-Senior Colonel Xunyu, leading another ten thousand infantry. He’s known for being quite defensive with how he acts. Being a decent earthbender, he’s known to participate in such defenses. 

-Senior Colonel Gongting “The Trickster”, leading a group of five thousand infantry. He’s one of the youngest officers present. His name comes from being a left-handed duelist. His enemies aren’t prepared for him. This doesn’t make him a good frontline leader, since he’d be holding a shield wrong, but it means he’s good at duels. 

-Lieutenant General Feng-Fang, leader of the Fourth Division, would be given command of mechanized forces.

-Sergeant General Xingguo would have command of all the tank battalions, a hundred tanks in total. He’s famous for being a decent tankist himself, which would mean he’s probably intent on leading from the front. 

-Sergeant General Yun-Lee would have command of all siege battalions, two hundred artillery in total. Some of those trucks include the firework-spewing metal death machines, the ‘Wailing Yalings.’

-Senior Colonel Zhongdi would join the other two with a few thousand -numbers could vary- mechanized infantry. 

-Colonel Muneie would bring a hundred and fifty biplanes from the Nongchang Air Division. The larger group of a hundred and twenty five belongs to the Mark Two Flying Coffin and the smaller group the Mark Three Flying Coffin. 

A short appendix on the heavy riders, regular riders and infantry: Regular riders have lances with _dao_ blades for secondary use. Their mounts aren’t barded, so any Lee with a spear can have a field day. Lancers, or shock riders as they are sometimes referred to as, are the backbone of all our mounted forces. No, charging them face-first into the enemy doesn’t work. Unless the enemy is about to rout, that is. However, lancers are still effective at hitting the enemy in the flanks and rear and cycle-charging said enemy. In all honesty, seeing a wave of men clad in steel crashing down on a position is usually enough to drive all but the most hardened -or most well defended- of troops fleeing. Pike or no. 

The infantry would wield _ji_ s, pikes or spears and -sometimes repeating- crossbows. The _ji_ spearmen usually have tower shields. Not that the two are used at the same time. As with the others, _dao_ blades are secondary weapons. This infantry is the backbone of our operations. Shields block, _ji_ s stab, _dao_ s are for when the fighting’s too close to carry a five Consort’s foot stick with a pointy end on it. Of course, both regular riders and infantry wear regular padded armor. As all the equipment is either mass-produced, or handmade by a thousand different blacksmiths, the quality varies from terrible to slightly better than average. _Which is fine, because a blade doesn’t make a man, his skill does_.

A short appendix on our many machines. The tanks and artillery are made up of the fastest Mark Three Imperial Tanks and Mark Four Imperial Artillery Trucks. The Mark Threes do, finally, possess enough armor to survive a sharp rock poking them. _It might not stop them from being flipped, but it’s something_ . They’re still defeatable by ballistas, because we can’t all have nice things. The Mark Fours are the same as their predecessor, except the wheels don’t snap off as often. _I would know, the Imperial Mechanized Carriages use the artillery truck models._

As for mechanized infantry, this role would traditionally be fulfilled by chariots bringing light infantry to designated points on the battlefield. I’m sure lots of the Imperial Army still uses chariots, because… technological progress isn’t fair or uniform. Recently, however, in the realm of ‘we have lots of gold so let’s invent new things’, someone had the bright idea to rip most of the armor and the top of a Tundra Tank off and got the Mark One Imperial Transport. It’s got no armor, which is great if you’re not into survival chances, but it can also transport a whole platoon of men. _Numbers!_ So… just don’t have it go anywhere near a warzone. _Our tanks are for peacetime, of course_.

An appendix’s appendix: The Imperial Air Corps. The Mark Two Flying Coffins work as their name suggests. At Nan Day, I watched them get plucked out of the sky by everything from flying boulders to the protagonist of a folktale, somewhere, with his crossbow. That man was killed by a bomb, but still. _So… maybe not the protagonist?_ The Mark Threes uniformly have the capacity to engage other aerial objects. They _can_ , with their repeating explosive biplane crossbows, _something like that_. 

Now, the only opponents we possess -that we know of- are the Royal Fire Air Force’s Fire Jets which are… disbanded, since the Fire Lord isn’t that interested in killing all his remaining five Imperial Firebenders. The other possible opponents include Druk, who can bite through metal and would set our aircraft alight, and the Avatar’s sky bison, who can accidentally break the wings off our aircraft with accidental airbending. Oh, wait, well, _if_ we encounter repossessed former Colonial aircraft, our models should be able to defeat theirs. Should. No promises, _remember where we live. This is the Empire_.

With these Mark Threes comes my favorite machine of all, my personal biplane, the _Azure King_. Like it’s sisters, the torpedo and bomb release buttons snap off and I likely have to dislocate my finger to operate it. Even with all that, it can take on an entire tank column and win. Another note, ‘Flying Coffin’ is just the soldier’s name for them. Officially, they are, respectively, the Mark Two and Mark Three Strike Fighters.

When done reading the scroll, I rolled the scroll back up and handed it to Taishi. He knew better than to ask _why_ I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed in a major amount of discomfort, instead going right for the issue. _Note, I forbade formalities between my direct companions and I for everyone’s benefit_. “The scroll’s really stupid, isn’t it?” I gave a single long slow nod. “May I read it?” I handed him the scroll. “Go ahead. You might want to gouge your eyes out.” He looked like he was going to dread this. The weapon-bearer pulled a chopstick out of his mouth and eyed me. “Can I join?” he asked, his mouth not full of rice. I gave him a slow palm turn of approval and he walked over to read along with the Lieutenant. I got through one half of a turtle-duck’s leg, grease dripping all over included, by the time the duo got to the end of the document. 

“May I be honest?” the Lieutenant asked. _Oh come now_ . I answered with honesty. “You’re in the Empire, what do you think?” The _yunjiwei_ nodded, then shook, then nodded his head. The Lieutenant gave a single sharp laugh at that. I casually insisted “Yes, be honest.” “This document lacks the wherewithal I would expect for a lightning-strike campaign.” Zhu took the scroll and eyed it one more time. “With all due respect, His Highness has prepared a regular campaign. Vanguard rider contingent, massive infantry contingent, supporting siege equipment.” 

_That’s… that’s exactly it_ . “You put it into the right words, Zhu.” “Thank you,” he head-bowed to me. I wiped my hands off on a provided rag, then grabbed the scroll and rolled it up for everyone’s pleasure. “This.” I gently pressed it “Is a scroll that is emblematic of the Empire’s biggest shortcoming. We-” I pressed on it again, making it wrinkle. “-have no concept of attacking or offensives. I mean, _sure_ , forty five thousand riders makes a mighty offensive force. But only five thousand of them are going to-” inspired by Toph, I punched the air directly in front of me as I said “- _punch_ through anything.” 

I pointed at a cabinet with scroll papers in it, then waved it over. The attendants were smart enough to recognize I was referring to a paper and not picking up the cabinet and carrying it over. The attendants brought an empty blank piece and ink and a writing instrument over to the table, clearing it of food debris for me. “Do we _want_ to allow, what, a hundred thousand men to gather? By the time we gather here, the New Takuan Army could’ve reached Xiong Lin’s capital… uhh…” “Xiong Lin?” Zhu offered with confidence in his tone. I was aback at his confidence. “Is that the name of the capital?” “It is.” _Right_ . “Right, right. So… the New Takuans could be at Xiong Lin… or the Serpent’s Junction. And if they get to the Junction and somehow cut off access to the south, then this rebellion’s going to be a little bit of a success.” I took the paper, licked my lips dry, and tried to figure out what my next move was. _I can’t accept all these men. We’ll go nowhere, period_.

Fengji, the Logistician, soon after made himself present -at a request, which I accepted- albeit not sitting next to me. He gave his thoughts. “Your Majesty, one way of preventing the New Takuan Army’s advances outside of their province would be to cut their supplies.” “And how do we do that? I don’t know the status of the Imperial Army of the West and I don’t know what the militias out there are doing if they’ve even been informed yet.” He pulled on his beard. “While this rebellion is new, the rebels will be surviving off their own supplies, Your Majesty. We can assume that there will be some infighting within their land. That will destroy some of their provisions. We don’t need the land forces to handle this. They’ll take too long.” _Makes sense. Not everyone will side with the former Lord of Gaoling’s plan to try and fight a country of a couple hundred million. So they’ll be spending some time killing each other._

“What are you proposing? Contact the Fire Lord?” The courtly General shook his head. “That’s not my field, Your Majesty. But as New Taku needs the sea for its goods, if we cut off their access to the sea, we’ll cut them off.” _Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? The Mo Ce!_ Zhu gave the correct input of “The Empire rules the waves.” “I’ll write to the Imperial Navy. We’ll blockade their port.” The four men nodded in approval. _Who to write to? Zhe’s going west, right?_ “If he isn’t going west, he’s going to be.” “Who?”, the Sergeant General asked, since they can’t read my mind.

“The Vice Admiral from Ba Sing Se and his flagship.” “Wait-” Taishi held up his hands, “-you’re talking about the guy with the drunken ship?” _That’s how we remember him? I suppose._ “Yes. He may be drunk, but that’s still a giant piece of shore-destroying engineering that was _built to be shore-destroying engineering_ .” “Wouldn’t he just ram the ship into something?” _I mean, this is the Empire, he could ram the ship into another ship. He already did it once_ . “Do you know how much gold was spent on building that giant steel-” I waved my hands around “-heavy assault carrier cruiser battleship?” Zhu and the Lieutenant shook their heads. “ _Well neither do I._ But it was probably a lot of gold. If it can’t blow up a near defenseless city, then what’s the point of the gold?” “It looks fancy?” the Lieutenant asked. “Okay fine you’re good.” He smiled. “Any-ways, I don’t think the man himself is to blame. He’s not the helmsman.” 

I directed a letter towards the Council of Five and specifically towards the Imperial Navy, which, unless everything changed in the past day, is still tangentially run by How. Said letter calmly explained why I need the Ba Sing Se detachment of the Imperial Navy to sail down the Senlin River. I’d also have a letter, soon, to explain why trying to bring the whole population of a small town across a famously infamous mountain range, the Makapuan Mountains, wasn’t the best idea. But first, Fengji the logistics man, experienced at supplying his men and therefore experienced at how those supplies go wrong -we’re in the Empire, after all- and I worked on this letter together:

The Vice Admiral _who I never got to have that meeting with due to a certain play_ was ordered to take his flagship and the fastest, newest, Fire Nation-based cruiser models and sail down the Senlin. They can restock at Bieshu on the southern bank of the Senlin, or Daishan Island off in the Mo Ce, or at any of the Colonial towns going north. My goal is to turn New Taku’s greatest strength, a peninsula with no land access, into their greatest weakness. _A peninsula with no space for coastal defenses_. And all it takes is a few ships. 

The _IEN Dongfang,_ the pride of Datan’s drydocks, will moor off the coast. The rest of the cruisers will join her. Together, with aircraft, bombs and projectiles, they’ll turn New Taku’s infant navy into metallic graves. May they join the Spiked Gates of the Mo Ce, the remnants of what happened when the Fire Navy fought the full might of the Imperial Navy two years ago. After some time, they’ll make the residents of New Taku face a daily life of brimstone and bombshells. The Empire does many things terribly, but explosive potential has never been one of them. 

Either the residents overthrow the leader they supposedly elected, or the residents can politely donate their ashen remains to him. I don’t _want_ to make those people face intense shelling, but the moment that man declared secession, he was a traitor. And I have a duty to the woman I am to marry: Kill the traitors. Any and all of them. To the last. I don’t want to harm innocent men, women and children, that’s why the first stage of the plan will simply be to dock our navy off the coast and obliterate theirs. However, I will _not_ go against my Empress’s wishes and I’m sure my ancestor would agree, if a city decides to form an illegal state and rise against the Badgermole, it’ll face the talons.

The letter also requested that Zhe Zhuang be complemented by reinforcing ships. Unlike the land side, in which mobility is key, _more on that later_ , there’s no reason we can’t have the might of the Imperial Navy, even if it’s just Ba Sing Se’s ships, docked off the coast and preparing for any eventuality. Our junks may not be the best, _see, the word junk_ , but we can outnumber anyone with our engineering and numerical superiority. 

I told the other four that “I seriously doubt the rest of the Colonies joining their rebellious sister city” and the other four nodded in agreement. So, one may think I would ignore the issue. I did not. I gave a special post script message: “Be wary of Colonial port towns.” Personally, the Colonials don’t strike me as being quick to break off from the Empire. We’ve faced little in the way of unrest from any of them after the Hundred Year War ended. I gave a proud stamp to this, then handed it to an Imperial Guard who will in turn tie it onto a messenger hawk and send it east to Ba Sing Se. Or, if not that, east to a post where it’ll be sent east with another hawk. Or, if not _that_ , then by eel-hound. 

Seeing as I was done with this, Guiren, a member of this supposed Campaign plan, asked me “What of General How’s plan, Your Majesty?” I couldn’t tell him that How was thinking like a classic Imperial, and I wasn’t going to punish How for planning all eventualities. “It’s not tactically wrong, he has the right idea. Overwhelming numbers and the earth beneath our feet were the greatest assets of our Empire. It’s the reason battles like the Battle of Zaofu or the First Assault on Nan Day-” _that’s what the histories are calling it, right?_ “-were victories. We took a lot of casualties, but our earthbenders won out. And we wore them down with attrition.” 

I waved over a scroll bearing a map drawn by someone back during the days of the last proper Fire Lord, Ozai. Ozai had plans, see. Like his ancestors before him, he was particular in having every single mountain and stream that could be mapped out, mapped out. This map lacked the roads or the houses, but the features remained the same. I pointed at the thin bit of coastal plain and the only land-based entryway to the city. “If we try to assault the city from either bank, they’ll just wait on the other side and pick us off. Our _only_ way in from the east since a naval assault would take forever and…” _deep breath_ , “...I do _not_ want another Caldera.” 

I looked at the others, they lacked the facial responses I expected. “Did any of you see Caldera?” The Lieutenant chimed in. “I did.” “Then you know.” “I do.” That was all that we needed to exchange with the other. An aside, I still have dreams of that. Slogging up sandy trenches so blood-coated it was wet and muddy. Watching a man exit the trenches and take a ballista bolt to the head. Men and women charging forward and getting cut down by crossbows and other antiquated weapons. Human wave attacks that only worked because the enemy had less weapons than we had men. Having cadets, _children_ , flung at us. I couldn’t kill them then. I don’t apologize for my men doing what had to be done against people who were slitting our throats with fire daggers, but I won’t forget it either.

“I will not accept the arduous process of dragging two hundred thousand men into the dark valleys of the Makapuan Mountains. We will take the five thousand heavily armored riders and we will go west at a breakneck pace.” Guiren rightly stated “Your Majesty, we may face a force larger than five thousand men.” Zhu added, with a bit of worry to his voice, “Your Majesty, perhaps we should fear the New Takuan Army. These kinds of rebels may be invigorated with-”

I put my hand down on the table, a quiet _slam_ that stopped his sentence halfway. “I routed Lord Dong’s force at Zaofu, a thousand _daofei_ riders, with a hundred mounted militia from Yahazhen. I led the vanguard against the Nan Day rebels and took their mountain peak, cleaving a hole in their morale, with but a dozen soldiers, a tank, and my cousin. I defeated thousands of the mercenaries in Lan Shan with a thousand lightly armed riders. I led battalions against well-entrenched men at Caldera and, house by house, took the city in the name of the Empire. Tell me, _yunjiwei_ , what battles has the militia of New Taku won that I should fear them? What battles has the former Lord of Gaoling won? I didn’t know my future father by law spent all that free time he wasn’t spending on trying to produce a not-blind heir-” I eye-gestured, “-didn’t work, studying the ways of war instead.” 

“Why call him the former Lord of Gaoling?” my Lieutenant asked. “He’s still a noble, is he not?” “But he’s leading a rebellion against the Empire,” the Lieutenant pointed out. “And? Some of those rebels might really, really, think they’re fighting for a good cause. They deserve respect for it. I expect the same courtesy from my foes.” _Though, considering the public denouncement of his own daughter as being his own daughter and therefore no longer of royal blood,_ “I know full well I won’t receive that courtesy from the former Lord of Gaoling.”

The Logistician sidetracked all of this, his mind still thinking about what I said earlier. “The battles were won because Your Majesty is an excellent fighter. The One-Eyed Badgermole is a legend amongst the men.” I gave a single loud ‘ha!’ to that. “ _We_ won because I used the terrain and speed against my foes. I killed maybe… five or six men in each of those. Far from a battle-winning stomp.” _I’m still a mortal man. Clad in armor, yes. Mortal, also yes._

Guiren continued his well-meant inquiry. “But Your Majesty, what if we face a Colonial trained army?” _A Colonial trained army?_ “Does New Taku even have that?” “We don’t know, Your Majesty,” he replied, quite humble in his elderly tone. _Well… we don’t know_ . “Have the Colonials ever fought the Imperial Consort?” “No they have not, Your Majesty.” “Then they’ll face the Imperial Consort.” Taishi jumped into the conversation with “And you’ll give ‘em your massive sword?” I nodded. _The shuang-shao jian needs use_. 

I wrote a letter also addressed to General How, but for a different purpose: I’d take the five thousand riders myself. This carriage that seats five hundred, counting my staff and guards, so it won’t seat them all. It’ll give quarters for some of them, though. The rest can get on other carriages. My letter was to requisition as many carriages as were needed to transport all these men and their ostrich horses. The letter rejected the plan but did not disband the forces. As I said to the men accompanying me, “If General How was going to go to the pressure of mustering all these men, he should be duly rewarded.” So what did I do? I decided to use the resources he so nicely put together for me. 

My focus was on two things: tanks and aircraft. The Imperial Carriage has a squadron of aircraft with it, as per my late night orders. Fast tanks can catch foes and break through formations. Aircraft can bring death from the skies. The letter called for both of these, in their entirety, to be sent down the Senlin and along the coast, shadowing the Imperial Navy. Instead of following the ships to New Taku, they’d go up the Gangxi and disembark there. The riders would follow us and form a mobile reserve pool I can draw from. The infantry would be trimmed down. Mountain troops would be kept, the rest are functionless. We may have overwhelming numerical support but there’s not enough food to feed what will amount to a bunch of crossbow fodder. 

As I wrote all this, saying it out loud while writing, Taishi asked a question. “Can’t you just disembark the troops east of New Taku?” I argued that “We’d have to brave their coastal defenses.” He pointed at the map. “These are wide rivers,” gesturing to the two rivers, one to the city’s north, one to it’s south. “And do you want to assume that New Taku isn’t going to try and Great Gates their defenses?” “No… I don’t. It’s possible,” he slowed his voice down as if the realization of coastal defenses had just occurred to us. The Lieutenant regained his inquiries with “Couldn’t the Imperial Navy just blow up their blockades?” _I mean… they could, but time is of the essence._ “They could, but by the time we ship the infantry around and blow the blockade there...we can’t wait. It goes against our entire mission.” 

And such, my letters were sent off. A flock of messenger hawks, or eel-hounds, or both, would head east to deliver this news. Our carriage was progressing west ever since we stopped at the border crossing to receive the scroll. At this point, the Sun’s placement in the sky suggests it was some time past midday. And so we accepted lunch. A benefit of this particular mode of transportation, our provisions were the best provisions any soldiers could eat. 

While other commanders may be content to keep it all for themselves, I passed out equal provisions to all the soldiers, then took one of theirs as my own. A benefit of this was that everyone got some sliced turtle-duck meat. As an aside, one of the things I had brought with us after departing the previous night was chi-enhancing tea. Not the tea itself, the leaves to prepare it. Lots, and lots of chi-enhancing tea leaves. Enough to feed an army much larger than ours. As we stopped off at the crossings, I ordered that the chi-enhancing tea leaves they had be handed over to us since we’re leaving Ba Sing Se. To compensate them for their losses, I gave them letters, letters Fengji wrote since he understands how to phrase this, that would allow them to ‘requisition a battle’s supply of chi-enhancing tea from storage facilities’. This upped the number yet further, not by much, but every bit counts for warring. 

Since there were only a few hundred fighters on this carriage, I had the attendants give out “one bag to each man, may each choose when he wishes to boil it.” I for one would rather save mine until the morning of an important battle. Preferably, the siege of New Taku itself. That said, I could’ve just as easily hoarded it all for myself, but that’d be unfair to my men. They’re soldiers, they need it as much as I do if not more. As my back massages for Toph show, chi-enhancing has it’s benefits. Our men could use it. Speaking of men…

We were also joined by fifteen special men. They had their own set of quarters. The fifteen men were led by Uzluk. The Imperial Guards and the two Generals and even my companions call him ‘Prince Uzluk’ but the twenty... _seven, I think_ … year old does not care for the title. They might say “Good morning, Prince Uzluk,” and he would respond, in a gruff voice, “My brother is no king, I am no prince.” I cite all this because after Taishi ran his rounds visiting the various quarters as part of his security checks and also because he likes greeting people, I went to visit the not-a-Prince. 

In the time since they returned to Ba Sing Se, all of half a season, Uzluk properly learned our dialect and all his men learned _some_ of it. ‘Not enough to engage in deep heart-to-heart conversations’ according to Uzluk’s nephew, the former King, but enough to have a basic discussion. They also all learned to ride ostrich horses. They still dress in the reds, blacks and browns of their people since it’s a cultural thing. ‘They’re sworn to Your Majesty, not the Empire’, the former King reminded me once. Just as with back in Xishan, their inside clothes are still quite similar to Kyoshi Island’s kimono-tunics, except brown, not blue.

“Hayashi,” came his attempt at a Ba Sing Se accent. It made him sound much higher pitched than I remember. Even then, it still hid his traditional guttural tone. “Uzluk.” We didn’t exchange bows, because these people do not bow. They break before they bow. “Would you like the Great Hunter’s blessing, Hayashi?” _I mean… sure, I could do that._ “Sure.” 

I learned many things in my times in Xishan, and one was to always appreciate these blessings when offered them. “We do not have loon-grebe to bless you with, Hayashi.” “We don’t need it. You can bless me by other means, can you not?” “The Great Hunter can bless all who ask for His blessing.” and the Horn let out a thin smile. “We have water?” 

I called in an attendant to bring us a small cup of water. She did and he took out a bowl he had carried with him all the way from Xishan. It had an etching of a small scene on the bowl’s side. A loon-grebe swimming in a pond with an island of conifers in the background. Only trace coloration, the bird painted black and grey and white as appropriate.

He poured the water into the bowl. “Kneel before the Great Hunter.” I got on a knee and looked straight ahead at his chest. He then recited a blessing in the Xishan dialect, I didn’t understand it but I took it to mean something about strength and victory, and slowly poured the water onto my head. It dripped down my forehead, my neck and my queue. “Rise,” he said in his Xishan accent. I got back up, the water dripped down my robes. He pointed at my neck. 

“You bear a bruise on your neck, Hayashi. Do you need blessing for that?” _A bruise on my neck?_ I felt around and _oh. Oh. No… that’s not a bruise on my neck._ “No, Uzluk, that's… that’s not a bruise. That’s something else.” “Is it a mark of love?” One thing I like about people trying to learn the dialect is they don’t always… construct the words properly. Not really his fault, it’s just… something to like about people learning the dialect. 

That said, technically, ‘mark of love’ is correct. “I...yes. How did you know?” “Ritual among Xishan when we win over wife and wife doesn’t kill us.” _Doesn’t kill you? Did I… no, no, that’s a custom. If she doesn’t like him, she can just lob his head off while he sleeps. He has to provide for her_ . “Thank you… for pointing this out to me…” and I trailed off into a stagger. “Who did Hayashi win over?” he wondered. “The…” _well…_ “...the Jade Empress.” “Hayashi, is she richest person alive?” “She is. And… I didn’t win her over. She kind of…” _right, embarrassing stupid comments ahead_ , “...dragged me off to a small stone house near a pond… and… that.” _Your Emperor of the Earth Empire and second most powerful person on the continent, everybody_ . “It’s okay, Hayashi. In Xishan. spearwomen must duel and kidnap the man to win him over.” _Right. Right. Of… course. That’s… right._

I pulled the collar up to cover my neck. _Note to self, I know we’ve got a massive campaign to go on, but you better hide that._ _Oogies_. 

I didn’t visit him, or the other men in this room, to receive a blessing. I visited for some questioning. “We’re going to be ascending into a mountain range that is just like the Sky Peaks. Will you be able to help guide us?” _I assume, since you fifteen have taken to helping me, you’ll say ‘yes’._ “Yes, Hayashi.” _Good_ . “Do you want anything in return?” _I expect they won’t ask for anything, it’s not like they value material goods like the rest of us value material goods_. “To do for the Great Hunter and kill in the name of our dead brothers and sisters. Bastard Sons of the North Star should be punished.” 

“We aren’t attacking them, though.” _It’s the wrong continent. New Taku isn’t defended by the Water Tribesmen. It’s in the middle of the western coast_ . “If we find them, we kill them. That is what the Great Hunter wants.” _I suppose I can’t say no to that_. “If it happens, yes.” The tribesman who was almost the same height -and that’s without the cat-deer antler helmet- as me smiled “Good. We will lead any of your Jade men anywhere, Hayashi.” 

I left the room to rejoin Taishi, Zhu and Nan in the dining room. There, I acted exactly my age. “Is there a large mark on my neck of some kind?” The Lieutenant nodded, the adopted son of Song gave me a questioning glance, then looked at the Lieutenant, then nodded too, and Nan was busy eating meat leftovers to care. From Taishi, “There is. It’s big!” This made me shiver. From Zhu, “It’s quite big. Who bruised you?” “I…” I looked at the thumb ring I was wearing like it’d give me some kind of inspiration. It didn’t. _How do I explain this? Oh, I know!_

I pulled the small painting the Empress had commissioned featuring the two of us out from my robes. “Here’s a totally irrelevant drawing of the two of us.” I flipped it around and pointed at it. “See? This is the signature of the Empress herself!” This did what I didn’t think it would do. The two of them got into kowtows because they’re looking at a scribble that Toph made. And they bopped their heads against the floor because it’s _technically_ the word of Her Imperial Majesty. And they have to respect that. I had them get back up with a hand wave and the nobler of the two drew the conclusion I didn’t want him to. “Was this earned in the field of love?” “The field of… _I’m sorry, what did you just call it?_ And...yes.” “No wonder you were so frantic last night. You were in-” I cut Zhu off before everyone else in the room could get it. “Just don’t bother saying words.” 

But the attendants, these young women who spend most of their days acting like the Dai Li world-leader-pairing writers, _I believe the writers are called fan fiction writers, for they are fans and write fiction of events,_ got it. _Historical fiction is still fiction_ . And then they made strange happy noises of celebration because their favorite pairing… succeeded? I’m still kind of confused why these people can’t just go invent their own stories, or take popular works of fiction and write based on them, instead of, you know, taking real people and _writing pairing stories between them_. 

That ended as soon as I slammed the door to my room shut. I was tired. I had planned the campaign, not in that much detail, but enough that I would be able to go to sleep. The Logistician would manage the rest. I was tired and not just because there was a raving group of people who, in the words of an acrobat I haven’t seen in awhile, ‘ _lo-o-ove love._ ’ I took off my courtly not very formal robes and tried my best to fall asleep. My raving supporters were all “Your Majesty looks so pretty with that love bite!” and other comments, and I just… didn’t want any of that right now. _Nope. I really don’t._ “All of you! Quiet! Let me sleep!” The attendants, being who they are, _servants_ , happily submitted. And so, I closed my good eye and went to sleep. 

I awoke later in the day because Nan was furiously licking my face. I gave him some scratches, sat up, and looked out the window. The shadows were growing long. It was almost sunset. “Guards! Where are we?” “Shigusi Commandery, Your Majesty!” one of them called back. _Outside of Ba Sing Se_ . Because we were outside of Ba Sing Se, and I was getting tired of being attacked by random _daofei_ , I called “Attendants, help me into my Imperial Armor.” 

I was going to wear it all the time while awake, even if it _did_ sweat. I could shower later at night, right? The attendants came inside and while they helped me into my prefered choice of wear, they giggled about how ‘cute’ the ‘mark of Her Imperial Majesty’s affection’ was. I was quite able to put on the Imperial Armor if I so wanted to, it would just take a few _fen_ because of the boots and the helmet needing to be tied on and all that. If nothing else, I didn’t mind the extra time. This armor had full protection everywhere except my hands, the back of my thighs -due to the armored skirt- and the face. After they were done helping me into it, I chose my regular _jian_ to wear and set out to do… nothing. Really. I just wanted to get away from “Your Majesty looks so cute” comments. The irony of the betrothal proposal coming from a woman who can’t see isn’t lost on me.

I went to go think over the campaign plans. Namely using five thousand riders against a force larger than them. Our power would come from how we can break through most enemy forces. And we don’t need ten lines of riders. As long as we don’t engage an enemy army where their numbers can win, such as a wide field where twenty thousand men can be deployed in one long line, or a chokepoint where our smashing power would be negated by a couple pikes, our riders can envelop and hit from many angles. These riders are supposedly good bowmen. I don’t expect them to match Ju Long’s Sunan Riders, _sorry, the Flower Banner_ , but men with bows gives us something we may not otherwise have. We can pelt enemy pikemen from a distance. Kill enough or waver enough and _it’s charging time._ I reviewed these concepts in my head while sipping some normal tea, as one would do. 

Then the Imperial Carriage hit something and slid to a halt. By the time I sat up and went “What in the name of me was that?” Taishi burst in through my door and yelled “Acolytes! The train line is blocked by them!” “What? What did we hit?” “A barrier. We went right through it! Acolytes set it up!” “What?!?” and, part of that came from me stubbing my toe against a wooden desk post. _Acolytes?_

“How…” I jumped up and ran out my bedroom door. “How do you know it was them?” “They formed a dancing circle-” I cut him off, “- _A dancing circle. A dancing circle_ .” _Right, that sounds like the Acolytes_ . I ran for the main entryway I used, the one in the dining room. It was already open with Imperial Guards pouring out of it. Uzluk watched me from down the aisle and I waved him after me. I spotted my weapon-bearer amidst all this… nonsense. “Zhu! My large _jian_!” “On it!” 

Then I ran outside the carriage and into the warm summer air of this fine late afternoon. We were in the plains country, somewhere, in Shigusi. A small encampment sat off to our left, a few hundred feet over. A small forest was in turn near it. More forests and rolling hills in the distance. I didn’t have time to look hard, I was distracted by singing…

_Love is but a song we sing_

_Fear's the way we die_

_You can make the mountains ring_

_Or make the spirits cry_

_Though the bird is on the wing_

_And you may not know why_

The Acolytes were in multiple large circles, singing these lines. I ran up to the line of Imperial Guardsmen. At my mere _presence_ , the entire line got into ready positions at the same time. One synchronized stomp. All the men had their hands on their banner-lance shafts and wore their stone-cold faces. The faces of one of the most elite fighting forces. Of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial _Metalbending_ Guard. The Acolytes sang their chorus. 

_Come on, people now_

_Smile on your brother_

_Everybody get together_

_Try to love one another_

_Right now_

“Orders, _Your Majesty_ ?” the Lieutenant yelled at the sky, not daring to look me in the good eye. He was far from the tone of Taishi from earlier. _No. This is a Lieutenant_. I marched up and down the line, proudly declaring “Hold your line, men!”. All of this was but a formality for us. Zhu arrived with the great blade as the Acolytes continued singing.

_Some may come and some may go_

_He will surely pass_

_When the one that left us here_

_Returns for us at last_

_We are but a moment's sunlight_

_Fading in the grass_

Taishi took a pace forward and shouted. “All of you are _blocking_ Imperial property. Move, or be executed!” _No, no, that’s for later_ . I marched back up to him. “Hold yourself!” _For now_. He didn’t need to nod. He got it. 

  
  


_Come on, people now_

_Smile on your brother_

_Everybody get together_

_Try to love one another_

_Right now_

Then I turned towards the Carriage proper and spotted the Xishan tribesmen and the two Generals standing there, guarded by their retinues. _I need a mount_. “Get me my mount! And riders!” “Yes, Your Majesty!” the grizzled general Guiren responded. The Tribesmen walked forward. “Why?” Taishi asked, quietly. I gave no answer.

_Come on, people now_

_Smile on your brother_

_Everybody get together_

_Try to love one another_

_Right now_

I waved Zhu over to me. He got it. He brought the five foot blade up to me and I put one hand on the hilt. To grab it. To feel it. To warm my hands up. Then I turned to the dancing Acolyte mob. They were paying us very little attention. At most, we were given the courtesy of “Just keep singing, brothers and sisters! Sing for peace!” would announce one of these young women. A mob of young men and young women, at least my age judging by the hair.

_Come on, people now_

_Smile on your brother_

_Everybody get together_

_Try to love one another_

_Right now_

Their unkempt hair flowed everywhere. Whereas Toph’s hair was a beautiful sea-raven black, these people’s hair was matted and tied in strange fashions. Even when her hair was dirty, it was never ‘dirty.’ These people’s hair was disgustingly messy. It’s like they deliberately avoided ever cleaning it or doing it into topknots. 

The blue-barded ostrich horse, my personal one, was brought up to me. An Imperial Guard performed the unnecessary but formally pompous duty of being a footrest to let me mount up. A dozen other Imperial Guards trotted up on their own green-and-gold barded mounts. 

_If you hear the song I sing_

_You will understand, listen_

_You hold the key to love and fear_

_All in your trembling hand_

_Just one key unlocks them both_

_It's there at your command_

“You hear that!” one of the Acolytes yelled, out of tone. “The Emperor should hear the songs we sing!” Then the mob started yelling “Hear us, Emperor!” and “You hold the key to love and fear!”. I let out a grin. A grin that my men didn’t see for it wasn’t directed at them. _One_ Acolyte saw it, and her face went as white as death. She might’ve actually had a heart attack, having gone white, stumbled backwards, and fallen onto the ground. 

“You’re right, _I_ do hold the key to love and fear. And you peasants are going to learn the latter.” 

  
  


_Come on, people now_

_Smile on your brother_

_Everybody get together_

_Try to love one another_

_Right now_

“We aren’t afraid of you, Emperor!” one of these young men yelled over the choral singing. Then others chimed in with agreements. “Love is stronger than fear!” and “Love is more powerful!” _Love is more powerful. Right._

_Come on, people now_

_Smile on your brother_

_Everybody get together_

_Try to love one another_

_Right now_

I raised my hand and barked an order. “Men! Mounts! Now.” More ostrich horses were pulled out of the carriage stables and more Imperial Guards, including Taishi, mounted up. “Uzluk! Stay back!” _I need you and your brothers for defensive purposes. This is going to get bloody._ Then I noticed that these people had small campfires they were dancing around. They had erected campfires. And tents. _That’s what this is_ . _They’d spend the whole night here if we don’t push them. And if they spend the whole night here… then that’s going to distract us while the New Takuans go on an offensive. No. We act_.

  
  


_I said!_

_Come on, people now_

_Smile on your brother_

_Everybody get together_

_Try to love one another_

_Right now_

Someone in that mob somewhere had the genius idea to grab his alcoholic beverage container and light it on fire. I didn’t get the chance to speak, instead I drew my five foot blade from it’s sheath. The chorus sang their last line, 

_Right now_

_Right now_

As he wound it up and tossed it at us. It hit the ground in front of my mount. Taishi punched forward and yelled _“Charge_ ” a _miao_ too late. The Acolytes drew their weapons. _Spears. Crossbows. Knives. No pacifists are these_.

My five and a half foot blade is five feet of pure meteorite. Meteorite my beloved betrothed forged for me. I didn’t even need to swing it for the first one, just hang it off the side of my ostrich horse in a casual grip. It cut the first one, a person with a knife, into two unequal portions. The right half of his head and chest was in a seperate piece entirely. One of those fellow Acolytes shrieked out, _a bit late for you_ , as her head was properly schismed from it’s neck. 

The Imperial Guards are an elite force. It should thus be no surprise as they dropped their banner-lances and kicked their ostrich horses into an unrestrained, unrelenting charge. Twenty lances impaled twenty unarmored heads. I brought my blade across, it took a groan to handle it but I did it, and sliced right through three men, one after another. One had a knife, _how peaceful_ , one was grabbing a staff, and one was arming another Ukano Special. 

At the same time, the Xishaners proved _why_ they are known as great hunters. A fleeing mass? Just treat them like a flock of duck-geese in flight. Fifteen men nocked, drew and let loose a volley. And all those arrows struck Acolytes. The less fortunate ones were spurting out blood because the arrows didn’t hit in the precise right spot. _No, no,_ there _were_ no lucky Acolytes. 

Our Imperial Guard impaled their heads and chests. Our Xishaners struck them right in the necks, _just as they did to us when we were the invaders_ , and even Nan got involved. Nan, being Nan, found one really angry Acolyte trying to load his peace-bringing crossbow and brought the man down. He dragged the kicking and screaming man towards the carriage, chomping down on the peaceful man’s leg before _ripping it off_. 

Back where I was, my blade cut through men like bamboo. I used the momentum of being on an ostrich horse to swing away off to my left. Most people wouldn’t be able to use the _shuang-shao_ , but most people aren’t tall Kyoshi Islanders. When those Acolytes, those peaceful, peaceful Acolytes with their peaceful, peaceful crossbows, spears and knives, dropped their peace-bringing weapons as I decapitated one of their fellows in a passing swing, it finally re-hit me that Toph knew _exactly_ what I wanted.

A blade that would bring an entire _army_ to heel. Because it just did. 

That’s exactly what it did. The Acolytes dropped their weapons and begged mercy. The Imperial Guards circled the largest of these groups, brandishing lances and _dao_ s, while riders chased down smaller ones. The Xishan men released arrows at will, plucking individual orange-robed individuals out of the fleeing flocks like a duck-goose dawn hunt. “Orders?” Taishi yelled to me as I rode up to him. He was pointing his blade at these Acolytes. 

“Surrender and live. Stand and die.” I didn’t need to shout it. I held the power. _You all were the ones to throw weapons at us_ . I pointed my blade at one bearded man especially. This man yelled “We surrender!”, got on his knees and kowtowed. Then the rest of the group slowly joined him. “Zhu! My scabbard!” and I looked around for the _yunjiwei_ , he came riding up to my side from behind me. He pulled a blade-cleaning cloth off his waistband and handed it to me. “Taishi!” “Yes, Your Majesty!” “I want a rider sent to the nearest Imperial Army outpost. Tell them we caught a large batch of peaceful men and women armed with peaceful crossbows!” “On it, Your Majesty!” and he spun his ostrich horse around to go bark such an order at one of the Imperial Guards. 

The Sun was dipping into the west when a hundred men came riding towards us from the north, flying Imperial Army banners. They stopped and some important Colonel exchanged greetings with me while I ordered him to take “all these people prisoner.” Taishi suggested “Interviewing the ringleader” and I thought about it and realized he was right. I pointed my regular _jian_ at these people, Zhu had taken the large one back, and yelled “Whoever your leaders are, give them to us or face extermination!” 

The crowd visibly recoiled in terror, my bloodstained hands were enough, and a couple young women and a slightly older man stood up. The rest of the prisoners were bound together and slowly escorted northwards to the nearest military base, where they’d be sent back to Ba Sing Se for questioning. _Oh, I want answers_.

“Why were you leading a band of liars?” I poured this young woman, Xiaowen, a cup of tea. “I was not. The Acolytes I led were peaceful.” I stopped pouring. “Explain the crossbows and the knives.” “That’s the other chapters’ faults.” _The other chapters._ “Your friends told me _you_ were the one leading them. Now…” I let her see the blade Zhu was carrying, “...I am a man of my word. You wouldn’t want to get some blood all over your pretty little orange dress.” The pale young woman got on her knees and began wailing “I swear on the holy hand of the Avatar, I didn't do it!” I looked at Zhu and Taishi. “What chapter did you lead?” “The second New Taku chapter, Your… _please… please_ , I’ll do anything, just-” I cut her begging off with a foot stomp. The other four, the Generals included, didn’t need any words. We all immediately understood it. 

The Acolyte chapters were from New Taku and nearby Colonies. All five of these leaders admitted to it individually, with her being the fifth. I _was_ a man of my word. I didn’t get blood all over her dress. 

I sent them east. I know people in Ba Sing Se who know how to extract information. This ‘battle’ proved one thing: This event was planned. The Lord of Gaoling is a step ahead of us. 

It’s time to pick up speed. The Lord of Gaoling played one trick, he won’t get the chance to again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time... after this speedbump, we try racing further westwards.
> 
> -The chapter title is a reference to a 60s song, the same song sung at the end of the chapter ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBJYxPN8qIA ). It's also a reference to the chapter being about mustering.
> 
> -I referenced overhead maps of Cranefish Town/Republic City since New Taku is built at the same spot as Cranefish Town. The main image: https://64.media.tumblr.com/7f3e62368a438ba88c0b131fc06e2d75/tumblr_pg3ek6w6Pw1shyazao1_1280.png .  
> -Soldiers, even footsoldiers, need food and transportation. Trains and monorails can't transport them all at once. Even if they did it in waves, a hundred thousand men and twenty thousand ostrich horses (+ additional ones for replacement mounts) eat a lot of food.  
> -Some of the Generals from this chapter made their first appearances in namedrops in 'A Beast Made of Steel'.  
> -Messenger hawks are like carrier pigeons, except trained to return to specific nests.  
> -Eel-hounds are also used for courier service.  
> -Uzluk's bowl art is visually based on the Canadian Loonie (1 dollar): https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/ef/Canadian_Dollar_-_reverse.png/220px-Canadian_Dollar_-_reverse.png  
> -Mori's statement on fan fiction sounds hypocritical until you realize in his world, all the characters of Avatar are the real people. We'd be the fictional ones in that case.  
> -The lyrics from 'Get Together' weren't changed, as I thought they fit the Acolyte hippie-style beliefs quite well


	92. Bureaucractic Military Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor reaches Tianqiao and is forced to micromanage...
> 
> ...some paperwork.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Eight:

I requested to be and was woken up when the couriers, the hawks, the eel-hounds,  _ it doesn’t matter _ , returned. Taishi, regardless of the formalities necessary, entered my lonely, Empress-less, chambers and handed me the scrolls, personally. “I expected one scroll, why do I have ten?”  _ Not actually, but at a first glance.  _ “I don’t know” and he poured them out on the side of the bed that my betrothed would normally sleep on. All of them had their seals unbroken. “All I know is they’re from How and some Lieutenant Generals.” I head-bowed to him. “Thank you, Lieutenant. Stay around.” He head-bowed to me and took a post next to me. I began sorting through them and found the one from How first.  _ He runs the Council, he’ll know something _ .

_ To His Imperial Majesty… _

_ Representing the Council of Five’s wills, I agree that Your Majesty is best equipped to command a private retinue detachment of five thousand heavy riders under the command of Sergeant General Guiren. These five thousand riders can be the vanguard to punch through any force presented against us and Your Majesty’s successes at Zaofu and Sunan are proof to Your Majesty’s brilliance as a Commander of Riders. _

_ I re-request that Your Majesty look over the other facets of the Imperial Campaign. While I agree with Your Majesty’s sage council that the Makapuan Mountains are not for all, our advances in technology will give us the advantage in ways the traitors haven’t thought of. Imperial Tanks rule the fields and Imperial Biplanes rule the skies. Transporting the vehicles by boat will take far too long. The Ba Sing Se-Yu Dao line was built to transport mechanized armored weapons platforms two years ago and we can easily bring along a force of Imperial Tanks to the military base at Pohuai for redeployment. Likewise, we can redeploy the Nongchang Air Division to Lushan Commandery through Yankou, He Di Xikou, Sitou, Weinan, Taizhou and Jimo.  _

_ Finally, I wish for Your Majesty to know that the five thousand riders Your Majesty requests will take another few days to muster to their fullest extent. They are ordered to muster in Tianqiao.  _

By the time I got to the signatured, I rolled up the scroll and placed it on my nightstand. “You look like you just read something really stupid.”  _ You could say that, yes _ . “I’m unsure of how to begin.” “Was something you requested denied?” I took a long breath. “No, I’m the Emperor. It’s more like… have you ever read something that made total sense and felt contextually out of touch?” Taishi shook his head. “No… of course you haven’t Lieutenant, you’re not leading an army.” I sighed deeply, a mix of a pained sigh and a disappointed one. 

Sure, I  _ could  _ just go back to sleep and my Empress may suggest that, but she’s not here. In my mind,  _ you have to get a handle of this, now _ . So I got up, and told the man whose council I may or may not have wanted but company I needed, “I’m going to go speak to my officers. I’m on the fence over whether to accept or reject this-” and I took the scroll, opened it again, and handed it to Taishi while grabbing my Imperial Informal Robes from a hanger on the wall. “It’s directed towards you.” “And I want you to read it.” 

We left my quarters and I had some courtiers go and “wake the Generals for an informal middle-of-the-night meeting.” Taishi followed me out the door, the scroll flapping in his hands. “This isn’t a bad idea, you know.” He kept his voice down, most  _ normal  _ people are asleep right around now.  _ We aren’t that normal, of course _ . “What do you mean it ‘isn’t’-” and I gave him a side-glance, “-by the time How gets around to deploying all these tanks and artillery and amazing pieces of engineering, the forces of New Taku will be at Osaka.” “There’s no reason we can’t have both,” he argued, calmly. “Tanks and aircraft are fast. We’re not going  _ into  _ the mountains, right?” I stopped to look at him and ask “How else do you want to get to the ca- city?”  _ It’s not a capital. It’s not a country. It’s a bunch of rebels. Don’t make that mistake. Any legitimacy is a victory for them _ . __

He put his hands together and proposed. “We can destroy the army, then attack the city. In that order.”  _ Hmm _ . “Do you trust our aircraft, Taishi?” “No,-” he replied quite earnestly for a ‘no’, “-but that’s why we have hundreds of them.” Before we could finish,  _ it’s not like I cared that much about this conversation _ , the two generals emerged in their casualwear. They kowtowed and I handed Fengji the scroll in question. He read it, then I passed it to Guiren. After, I led the two to a table in the dining room where an attendant had tea ready. 

“All those tanks and aircraft are going to be limiting,” I pointed out, palm gesturing to the writing. Fengji asked “Does Your Majesty plan on us traversing the Makapuan Mountains themselves?” I had to take another deep breath.  _ What would the Empress do? She’d face this head on. Then, so will I. _ “I wouldn’t discount the chance. We will… have to march through since there’s no other land route.”  _ Face it head on _ . “We’ll march through, and I’ll lead us through it.”

Fengji coughed and caught his words. “Isn’t General Song active there? Couldn’t we consult him on the safety of such a plan?”  _ Of course!  _ I took Fengji’s question as inspiration. “A scroll, ink,-” and I waved at an attendant, “-I’m going to write to Song.” The attendants nodded and retrieved the necessary objects. Before doing that, though, I wanted to resolve the How option. 

“My issue with the tanks and aircraft is that they can’t just be  _ anywhere _ , especially the aircraft. They need bases. They need fuel. They need pilots. Some mountain forest village somewhere will not have that. Period.” “Does Your Majesty think the rebels are going to flee into the mountains?” “No, Fengji. I just don’t want to give them the option to. If they see us coming with a massive force of machines, what do you think they’ll do? And our goal is to  _ destroy  _ them as soon as possible.” Guiren proposed a solution. “Your Majesty, we can do both at once. Flush the forces out of New Taku and into the plains, then kill them in the field.”  _ That… might work. That would work.  _ “Fengji. Would we be able to support such an endeavour?” “As long as we’re connected to the train lines, Your Majesty, we could support all of that, yes.”  _ Still… seems risky. And yet, it’s a good idea to talk about this to the Council. Or rather, Song. _ “Then I have a new plan for General Song.” Taishi offered a bit of a tense comment. “But the rebels in the Makapuan Mountains...” and he trailed off from worry. “We’ll handle them. I promise.” 

The Logistician put his hands together. “We’re going to be stuck in Yankou for a few days due to the riders, Your Majesty. I’m in favor of all the reinforcements we can muster.” The Logistician added that “We can support them with the train connections, Your Majesty.” Guiren added something else. “Should we need to break off, the five thousand riders can go into the mountains, Your Majesty.” All of this was coming together to an idea. A very, very,  _ good _ idea. 

I wrote to How that I accepted _his_ proposal. To an extent, Remember, chronology is important. First, I _had_ requested for the aircraft and tanks back when leaving the capital. Logic dictates that I was really just accepting my own original proposal. But this is the Empire, and everyone wants to give their input and get a bit of credit. To be specific: I did originally request that the vehicles be transported by boat, but after my run-in with the Acolytes, I sent another letter saying that I wanted to ignore that request. Whereas in informal situations, _take for instance a conversation with my friends or in the bedroom with the Empress, we can talk like regular people_ , the Empire’s letter writing is far from that. Everything’s got to be fancy. Sure, it’s for a good reason, the matters we’re dealing with are complicated, but it takes away from trying to convey a proper message. He can’t just say ‘ _you wanted to speed west but forgot we have monorails_ ’, as Toph may perhaps say in a scolding and well meant tone. _Now, on to the proposal’s counter-and-approved proposal’s answer. Confusion over? No? Well, it doesn't matter_. 

I wrote to How that I accepted his proposal for tanks and aircraft. I didn’t want to admit it on paper, but the truth is I  _ can’t  _ go west until I have all my riders and all their relevant supplies. So as part of that proposal, I demanded ‘as many tanks and aircraft as you can muster within a single week’ and ordered they be sent to Weinan. Any officers who were going to lead these detachments and corps will keep their command positions. I put the expectation at fifty Mark Three Biplanes and fifty Mark Three Imperial Tanks. 

Why did I include an actual ‘expectation’? Because this is the Empire and I’m the Emperor. If I ask for the two, I’ll get whatever stupidly large number they could make show up. If I demand something like fifty, the officers of the Imperial Army will compete to outdo the other and send me…  _ oh, I don’t know, a hundred? _ . The one requirement of all this; it’s all got to be based out of the monorail or train infrastructure that we have. I’m not going to waste more and more time on waiting for a never ending stream of troops.  _ When the hammer falls, the hammer falls and we march.  _

With that letter done, I dismissed the other two officers to return to sleep. They got up, kowtowed, and went back to their rooms. I sipped some tea, thanked the attendant, and went back to my room. There, the lantern I was holding revealed that there was  _ a whole stack  _ of papers just like the one I had spent a  _ dian  _ and then some dealing with. I groaned,  _ I just wanted to sleep _ , but because it’s my duty to handle all these correspondences, I did. On the bright side, I had Nan to offer me relieving licks whenever I wanted them.  _ Thank you Nan. You’re the real hero in all of this _ .

The second letter was from the Imperial Navy. The Vice Admiral in charge of the  _ IEN Dongfang _ , himself. 

_ To His Imperial Majesty…  _

_ I have reviewed Your Majesty’s plans and agree wholeheartedly. A blockade of New Taku would be the most effective way to silence the rebellion. The city relies on the sea for its food, and as of writing this, it has no allies. Soon after I send this letter from the tower of the Dongfang, I will take twenty-five cruisers and the Dongfang herself southwest for New Taku. We will dock in Weinan then move on down the Senlin. Once at New Taku, we will bombard any ships at port and any coastal defenses while dispatching sorties from the Dongfang herself to bomb the city. A second fleet is going to be drawn up under my second, Rear Admiral Bojing, consisting of slower junks and cruisers. It will reinforce my blockade attempt. I shall update Your Majesty on my whereabouts once I pass the Junction.  _

“That… that is the kind of letter I like to receive.” I said, speaking to a wall.  _ I’m speaking to a wall _ . Taishi’s voice showed up. Or maybe he was always present and just sitting on a chair on the other side of the room.  _ Did I order him to stay around? I have no idea _ . “You sound content,” he spoke from over there. “Someone sent me a letter that sounded reasonable. Also,-” I blinked, “-were you standing inside the wall?” “No, I was over… at the doorway. Where I normally am.” He gestured to the doorway to assist my good eye. “Good. Right. I’m losing my mind.” I pinched my arm. “I’ll write to the Vice Admiral at a later point.” I rolled the scroll up and placed it on my nightstand. 

“Now, on to the  _ next  _ scroll.” I took it off and recognized the simple seal of the Head of the Dai Li, instantly. 

I need not elaborate on what the commander said. I informed him of the Air Acolyte situation at a previous point, he got back to me -the purpose of this letter- stating that he’d dispatch a force of Dai Li and their trucks to grab the prisoners and bring them back to Lake Laogai. He also included some ‘words of advice’: 

  
  


He believes that, based on the timeframe of recent events, the Air Acolytes were likely sent on ahead before the declaration was given and were coordinated to target my carriage itself. He believed that they were likely meant to buy New Taku’s troops time while also setting me up to look like some kind of ‘ _ war criminal who executes innocents _ ’ which would help  _ ‘increase support for New Taku among the people’ _ . Well… that’s the beauty of war, isn’t it? One side’s hero is another side’s war criminal. Everyone’s a war criminal if you don’t like them enough. Here’s the thing, though… we didn’t secede from a giant Empire. Most commoners aren’t going to go ‘the Emperor killed a bunch of secessionists who tried to block his path? Let’s kill him!’ because most commoners just want stability. The Commander also said that he’d inform me when, not if,  _ when _ , he learned new details.

I wrote back to him that I requested to know a couple things: I wanted to know how the Acolytes were connected,  _ for instance, did they contact chapters elsewhere in the Empire? _ . Did they hear about the purge of their Acolyte brethren? Are there more of these groups planning to block us further west? Do we have spies in New Taku and if not, why not? If not, when will we get spies in New Taku? All this, along with a few other questions of a similar nature. After submitting this letter to a waiting attendant,  _ thank you for being here in the middle of the night _ , I blew out most of the lanterns in the room, leaving me with just a single one next to my…  _ well the Empress’s _ … bed.

The next scroll I opened was from the Lieutenant General who was to be put in charge of the mechanized detachments. I was reading about this man’s strategic plans. He wanted to deploy the tanks, tanks he didn’t even know he had approval to use, against the city of New Taku. He wanted to shell the city with artillery that he was going to import…  _ how? _ . He also wanted to build some kind of staging ground just to the east of the city, up in the mountain range. We’d… launch…  _ launch _ … aircraft from a built-from-scratch airfield. As I read on, I wasn’t sure if I was simply getting more tired or if his writing was making less and less sense. 

I don’t remember how, but I was slowly sliding further and further into my blanket as the scroll-reading went on, and at some point I put down the scroll. I remember mumbling “I’m just going to close my good eye for a  _ dian _ , just a quick rest. Okay, Taishi? Get-out.” I recall the door being pulled shut. I also recall grabbing a pillow, putting it on my chest, and hugging it tightly, to make up for the lack of an Empress to hug. Did I pass out for a  _ miao _ ? A  _ fen _ ? A  _ dian _ ? A  _ geng _ ? It didn’t matter. I was out. 

I was awoken by a woman’s voice. At  _ first _ , for but the briefest of moments, I thought it was the Empress’s. I opened my good eye and found that it was, instead, an attendant with a pitcher. “I… forgive me, Your Majesty, I came to check on how-” I interrupted her staggering self to thank her. “You did the right thing. No need to be worried. That water?” “It is, Your Majesty,” she said, all softly and humbly and all that. 

I sat up and in full formal style, guzzled the water straight out of the pitcher.  _ Ahh _ . Nice and cool. I licked my lips.  _ Refreshing _ . “Where are we?” and I tried to look around, as if a map would appear from nowhere. “Tianqiao, Your Majesty.” “And what time is it?” “It’s almost sundown, Your Majesty.” A glance at the windows confirmed this was true. A glance also confirmed we were in the middle of what I guessed was the town of Tianqiao. I sat up and swung my legs out of bed but had to stop at the last  _ miao  _ because Nan was sitting there, on the floor, looking up at me with tongue-wagging anticipation.  _ Sorry, Nan, I… I wouldn’t want to accidentally step on your tail. You’d never stop apologizing for doing nothing wrong.  _ I gave him some head rubs instead.

It’s not very courtly to engage in conversation while one party is without clothes. Taishi, being a loyal man, remained staring at the wall. Zhu, being even more loyal, wasn’t involved in this conversation at all and stood outside doing Taishi’s job for him. “How many men?” “A thousand of Guiren’s riders, a thousand mounted militia.”  _ Right. Two thousand _ . “Where did the mounted militia come from?” “A local, I think his name is Tycho. Volunteered him and his retinue, offered to muster the rest of the commandery to our aid.”  _ Tycho? Interesting. I remember that name. From where? Where do I remember it from? _

I stepped out of the shower and the attendants handed me some towels.  _ I’m quite capable of drying myself off, thank you all _ . “Did anyone allow him to do this?” I wondered out loud, pretty certain Taishi would know since he’s an officer and he’s involved in all these affairs. “He volunteered, nobody was going to say ‘no’ for you.”  _ That makes… sense. Authority and rules and all that _ . “I don’t know-” I took a towel and wiped my face down, “-whether to thank all of you for being loyal enough to wait or chastise you all for lacking any perception.” “The Imperial Guard are never going to act on your behalf, we… will act in defense of your behalf. I can’t vouch for the Sergeant Generals.”  _ Hmm.  _

_ I have come to a decision _ . “I will reward them. Loyalty is the best virtue.” I tied on my sarashi while the attendants got to work combing my long flowing auburn locks. I mention this because during this discussion, one such attendant went “Your Majesty has such pretty hair!” which made Taishi  _ try  _ not to laugh. “It’s a shame you don’t run the Empire, you’d have an army of concubines just _ asking _ .” 

“A shame” I sarcastically quipped. “It’s such a shame I’m committed to one.” “You know, I’m sure the Dai Li fanclub has fan-fiction written about you having a whole  _ swath  _ of partners.”  _ Ri-i-ight _ . “Taishi?” He gulped. “Yes, Your Majesty?” and tried his hardest not to sound amused at all this. “Remind me… I don’t want to read that.” “Oh, it’s okay, I already skimmed it for your pleasure. It’s really popular amongst many of the women, including the ones currently helping you put on clothes.” My good eye widened, then squinted. I looked around at these attendants. “Is this true?” and some of them mumbled things I couldn’t hear. One was honest enough to say “Yes… Your Majesty.” I slapped myself in the face since nobody else could. All I could ask was “ _ Why _ ?” to which Taishi explained “I suppose the attendants just want your  _ holy _ -” he snickered, “-holiness.” I slapped myself in the face, again. “Thank you, Taishi. Remind me to… punish these attendants. Hard. For this.” “Oh, I’m sure some of them would be into that,” the Lieutenant  _ also  _ added. A few of these attendants smiled. “ _ Thank you, Lieutenant, for making me visualize that _ .” “No problem!” and he laughed.  _ And I want to inhale whiskey.  _

For no apparent reason, I asked one of the attendants “Is there anything you can do about this mark?” and she shook her head. “Would Your Majesty really want the mark of Her Imperial Majesty’s most intimate thoughts be removed? It is a point of prestige.” Taishi stopped trying not to laugh and broke into laughter instead. I just pinched the bridge of my nose and set about to regain control of this… nonsense… with something else. “Taishi!” My order snapped him to attention. “Yes!” I looked for the window  _ but there was no window _ . 

“What are the riders doing right now?” Taishi returned to his official Lieutenant-ness. “Last I checked, most of the men are out on the town.” “And the Imperial Guards?” “I’ve kept them inside here. We’re assigned to protect this carriage, are we not?” I nodded. He didn’t see it because he’s an obedient man, but I nodded anyway. “You are… but you’re also ordered to protect  _ me _ .” “Are you implying that we’re going somewhere?” I scratched my facial hair.  _ Hey! Actual facial hair! Oh, Toph will… greatly like… this _ . “I’ve often learned the most about what’s going on by spending time in taverns.” Taishi spent some time thinking it through before stating “I’ll have the men ready to depart whenever you’re ready to put on pants. Assuming you… have put on pants.” I looked at the attendant wiping my legs dry… for the fourth time,  _ at this point I think you’re just doing it because it’s fun... _ and flashed her my good eyebrow. She dropped the towel and retrieved my pants.  _ Thank you, as much as I like standing here in my underclothes while a bunch of women whose names I don’t know dry me off, I am an adult and I’ve better things to do. _

I showed up in the main dining hall wearing the full getup of Imperial Armor. I know I’d look much,  _ ahem _ , prettier if I didn’t wear the helmet piece, but I like to keep my head in one piece. I wore my regular  _ jian.  _ I was accompanied by Zhu, who spent the whole day waiting for me to order him to do something. I was also joined by Nan, who  _ also  _ spent most of the day not doing anything. “Now, men, where’s the best tavern?” The Imperial Guards shrugged… formally. 

“They don’t know because they haven’t left,” Taishi reminded me from his command position of ‘standing in front of them.’  _ Right, right, of course _ .  _ You’re all actually competent _ . “Then we’re going to go… out… and find the best tavern in town.” and I walked over to the door. Two Imperial Guards opened it but before I could set foot outside, Taishi offered “Perhaps we should find the Magistrate of Tianqiao? He would know of the best taverns.” “That’s a good idea.” As such, Taishi ordered for some of his Imperial Guards to depart and find said individual. The rest of us, in the meantime, would exit and stand at attention just outside of the carriage depot set aside for our transport’s use. We’d stand there all day and night, pretending to be statues, if we must.

“Your Majesty!” a voice I actually recognized for once called out to me. Then I saw the man and his young self brought me back. It felt like I’d last seen him years ago.  _ It wasn’t years, though, was it? _ “The Lord of Yankou.”  _ Tycho _ . “Three long seasons, Your Majesty. Three long seasons. How is Her Imperial Majesty doing?” I felt my neck and confirmed it was protected by the neck guard.  _ Nobody can look at my ‘love bite’ and laugh.  _ “Very good. She’s doing…  _ very  _ good.”  _ Okay did you have to stress that like you just did some kind of oogies with her? I mean… you did…but still _ .

“I was informed Your Majesty intended to muster an army to march on the rebels to the west. I… would like to volunteer my standing forces to your cause,” and he fell into a kowtow.  _ Thank you for informing me about this earlier Taishi _ . “I can’t decide on such right now. We need more men to be mustered, first, and figure out an exact campaign plan, second.” The man happily obliged. “Of course, should Your Majesty need me, I’ll be-” I cut him off since “Well I need you. I’m looking for your best tavern. Mind leading me there?” He smiled. “Why, of course, Your Majesty.” 

All things considered, there was some use to having the Lord of Yankou’s forces join mine. Not the whole way west, but most of the way. Mounted militia, normally raiders with ostrich horses and sometimes lances, are a decent reserve pool to use if necessary. And raiders can be useful on the flanks, or to harry the enemy’s advance and retreat. They may not be successful up in the Makapuan Mountains, but they’d be an excellent asset to a field battle. This aside, I wasn’t about to contemplate the details of their use, I had a tavern to go get hammered in. In. 

“Look men! It’s the One-Eyed Badgermole!” shouted someone charismatic. “Raise your glasses!” someone else added. “To the One-Eyed Badgermole!” the first one yelled. “To the One-Eyed Badgermole!” the rest of the tavern yelled in cheers. The Imperial Guard were still required to be formal, and as such formally cleared men out of the way for me to enter.  _ Politely, and not in a Dai Li sense, either.  _ People wanted to get out of the way for the Emperor and his golden brigade of golden people with fancy armor.

The men drinking from this tavern were dressed in off-duty wear. Not regular peasant’s garbs. The difference is in the cleanliness. These men’s clothes were clean. Some were even spotless. The other reason I knew they weren’t peasants was that they all wore the same identical green robes. The same swirly dark green robe fringes. The same little earth coin motif patterned on each. And most of these men had the same deliberately undone,  _ not unkempt,  _ hair. The former is straight and clean,  _ thus the ‘deliberately’ _ , and I know of it from personal experience of wearing queues. The latter is coily and matted, a product of someone who doesn’t maintain hygiene. These men were maintaining their personal appearances, which is more than I can say of most of the Imperial Army. 

As I sat down at a corner table, I yelled-asked “Who commands all of you?” and one of the men replied “We’re Guiren’s, Your Majesty!”  _ And that explains it. You’re part of the five thousand competent heavy riders. That’s… very understandable.  _ “Waitress, I’d like your  _ strongest _ whiskey!” That got the heavy riders into howls and cheers and howling cheers. Tycho accepted my ‘dare’, or so it seemed, choosing to order the exact same. Zhu requested tea and Taishi water, because “Whiskey’s for a time when I want to be drunk, and I don’t want to be drunk yet.” 

“Share a story, One-Eyed Badgermole!” one of the men asked, already part way to being drunk. I sighed in enjoyment.  _ There’s so many _ . “What stories do you all want?” I swung my glass around. One of the men at a nearer table yelled “The time you fought the Lord Dong!” and the rest of the tables went “Yeah!” Someone  _ else  _ said “Tell us of Caldera!” and yet another requested “Your wars in the lands of the far north!” So I looked at Taishi, but he was steadfast against any inquiry. So I looked at Zhu. He took too long to try and figure all this out, so I took a deep breath and decided on this: “I’ll tell you all a story, but I want a story from you in trade. Deal?” The men began hammering their tables.  _ Think back. What’s an interesting story you all haven’t heard of _ . I made my voice nice and deep to try and imitate a proper storyteller. 

“Back just before winter, I joined the Sentinels on a campaign to get rid of some mercenaries working for one tribe who in turn might’ve been allies with one chief in the Northern Water Tribe. Sounds convoluted, I know. I’m at the front of this large force marching north. As we pass between two thick forests, we hear the cry of a loon-grebe, then arrows start flying out from all directions and spearmen charge us. So the vanguard broke into two, with the lead riders leaving to return at a later point and the rest of us forming defensive lines. At one point, I and a few others were surrounded-” I waved my hands around to try and visually showcase what it’s like to be surrounded,  _ I figure either you get it or you don’t and if you don’t get it that’s a good thing _ , “-by these ambushers. We’re back to back to back against them. Then…” I allowed the tension to build, “...bang!” I stomped the ground. 

“The firebender starts firebending these men with his swords, my cousin takes on five at once, and I  _ charge  _ them! I charged them! Not the best decision tactically, but my blade hacked through everything they were wearing and even their own blades!”  _ Right? Wrong? Oh, who knows. Alcohol is the answer _ . “We routed them with the intimidating sight of one tall Kyoshi Islander, a firebending swordsman, my cousin and her katana, and of course, a crazy acrobat with the best kicking feet ever.” The tavern going soldiers burst into laughter, cheers, and a dozen other kinds of reactions that were all positive that I can’t be bothered to chronicle. 

Zhu leaned in to whisper “Is that really your most exciting story?” so I whispered back “Not really, but even my most exciting stories aren’t that exciting.” The two of us began talking in quiet, not a whisper but not loud enough for anyone more than a Consort’s foot away to hear it.“Why?” “Yancun wasn’t a folktale. If it was, you’d see me take on them all alone or something.” “Don’t all young boys aspire to that? The hero who faces off against the army?” “Maybe, maybe not. I aspire to win. Winning means having either more numbers or better tactical sense.” “And what if you lack the numbers or the sense?” “Then I’m not going to win, am I?” “You had a dozen men back in Ba Sing Se.” “And I was crazy.” I was attracted to the sounds of men cheering and chanting my legendary title of “One-Eyed Badgermole!”

“Look Zhu. You don’t  _ need  _ to have had the most exciting story to raise the spirits of your men.” “If all the truths of your battles were released, wouldn’t that diminish your status?” I didn't even need to think that hard about this. “I’d rather be honest then pretend to be someone I can’t be. That’s why I’m sitting here in my heavy armor.  _ I’m just a nonbender. _ ” “A nonbender with a giant  _ jian _ ” commented the listening-in Taishi. “That helps. Training helps, too.” The others heard Taishi’s quite loud claim,  _ not exactly untrue _ , and laughed. Someone announced “A toast! To a giant  _ jian _ !” The rest of the men cheered to it and everyone drank up ‘to a giant  _ jian _ ’. I toasted to the Empress, “to the Empress!” which made them remember to toast to her too, “to Her Imperial Majesty!”, then obviously, “to the Empire!” and “Ten Thousand Years!”. Then and only then did I join them for drinks.

The storytelling Jue went on. “So Di here came riding around and shoved his lance right through the brute’s head!” They raised their glasses to this one man who wore the same clothes as the rest and toasted him. “To Di!” “To Di!” My slow tapping of the table drew more and more attention away from the cheering and towards me. “Do any of you have any stories that aren’t personal heroics?” I asked, since I was getting really tired of hearing about how great some soldier was at stabbing some other soldier.  _ I’ve spent a year reading these kinds of tales in the Archives.  _

“But heroics are everything to a story, Your Majesty!” one of these men announced, earning fifty different “Yeah!”s from across the room. “Heroics win battles, right, Your Majesty?” asked another one of Guiren’s. I looked at Zhu who mouthed the word ‘aspire’, then at Taishi, who was looking at the doorway, then at Nan, who wanted to lick my hand, so I let him do that.  _ Do I lie for the troops’ sake? _

“ _ No _ . Tactics win battles. Breaking the enemy’s spirits and riding them down wins a battle. If you want to run face-first into an enemy ballista, you’re going to die. It’s that simple.” Someone, somewhere, shouted “Looks like the One-Eyed Badgermole needs another couple glasses!” and the tables erupted in agreements, “Hear! Hear!” and “Yeah!” and “Drink some more, Your Majesty!” and a few comments that were slightly less appropriate about women and the things they can do.  _ Eh, don’t take it so seriously, tree-self. These are drunken soldiers, they’re allowed to talk about what they want to do once they’re done killing things. _

“I can’t drink anymore, men, I have to plan the next stage of our campaign.” “The part where we stab the leader of New Taku in the head with a lance?” someone, somewhere, asked, half-joking. As formal as I should be, I had to admit, “Yes. That’s the end plan.” So, the tables applauded, shouting “Ten Thousand Years!” while I stood and exited the tavern. Tycho offered to follow me back to the carriage, I wasn’t going to say no, and so we rode back.

“Generals.” “Your Majesty” “Your Majesty.” The two kowtowed and rose again. “What is the news since we last met?” I gestured to the seats around the map table and they sat. “A thousand, two hundred and seventy five of my riders have arrived.” “And a hundred of them are over in a tavern getting absolutely smashed.” Guiren didn’t react with shock. “Has Your Majesty forbade the consumption of drink?” Feeling a bit tipsy myself, I replied “No, I haven’t forbade it. I’m just not in the spirits to lead half an army of drunks.” “Rest assured, Your Majesty, when we move out west, they will be forbidden the night before.” 

I couldn’t help but nod along at that. “Very good, Guiren.” I looked at the Logistician. “Any news on your part?” “We will be fully capable of supporting two hundred tanks and two hundred pilots and any additional ground or maintenance crew for both.”  _ What?  _ “Two hundred?”  _ Why two hundred?  _ “Yes… Your Majesty. General How sent a letter addressed to me about his declaration that Your Majesty’s campaign would receive two hundred of both.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _ I stood up like someone pulled me upwards. “I wasn’t informed about this” and I put both hands on the table. Before either of my generals could provide any information, I spoke up. “Dismissed. We will meet in the morning.” “Ten Thousand Years to Your Majesty” the two offered their kowtows, again, and departed. 

“That does say two hundred. Your good eye hasn’t failed you.” Taishi passed the scroll back to me, as if that’d help me process all this. “I told him to muster ‘as many as he could’ so he sends all  _ this _ ?” and I wave the scroll around like it’s the scroll itself that is the ‘all this’ instead of the numbers,  _ or rather, words for numbers _ , on the scroll. Zhu put down his tea to give his input. “My father often spoke of how each member of the Five would try to one-up one other on their promises.”  _ That’s great. That’s absolutely great. And your father is right. _

I was partway annoyed,  _ that’s great _ , and partway glad,  _ that’s a lot of aircraft _ . I didn’t show the happy side, because this isn’t  _ ‘good _ ’. “I don’t want one-upping. I want results.” “If nothing else, they’ll be waiting for us at Weinan.” “I don’t want this campaign to look like one general showing off how many aircraft  _ he’s  _ in command of.” Then I pointed at this Tycho man. “We’re leaving in less than a week. I hope everything you’ve got is mustered by then.” “It will be, Your Majesty. It will be.” I stuck my hands back inside my sleeves. “Good. I’m going  _ back  _ to sleep.”

I didn’t go back to sleep just yet. Aside from what follows, the attendants had to help me out of my armor. I took a shower, the smell of taverns isn’t the best smell to partake in, and went back to my room proper. I found that there were many more scrolls in my room than before.  _ There’s never going to stop being an influx of scrolls. Just… send cohesive simple messages, please? Not high poetry? Please?  _

The only one I read before falling back asleep was How’s personal statement on being able to deliver two hundred aircraft and tanks. I wasn’t going to argue how he’d do it, the war factories are war factories and work nearly nonstop. Nope. This time, he neglected to specify which model of flying coffin he’d be supplying. So I wrote that I wanted to know how much of which and that  _ ‘after this response, please wait until I receive the equipment _ ’ because saying I was getting tired of these letters isn’t very formal or polite. Do I really need a discourse every single  _ part  _ of the day?

I woke once again, this time it was the early morning. Nan was there at my side, looking totally innocent while his head rested on a fancy blanket. I looked past him and remembered that there was a whole pile of scrolls to get through. This only reminded me of the Imperial Memorials and how I spent far longer than I’ll ever admit writing responses to such letters. I wasn’t going to groan loudly at doing my job, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating.  _ Oh, well, I’ll groan if I so wish _ . “So, scrolls… time to get through you all,” and I took the scrolls off my table, brought them back to the nightstand next to my bed, laid them out in an accessible fashion, and got to work reading them one at a time.

I’m not going to go into detail of the  _ twenty  _ scrolls I made myself go through that were all,  _ all _ , the same exact story. Again. And again. Sergeant General Lee wants to join me for the campaign. He participated in five different battles, he slayed some deserter Captain and also two different sergeants in the Royal Fire Army. He may or may not have single handedly led the assault on some castle in the middle of… let’s go with Gaolan. Just for good measure, he’s a pious man and a loyal man and has had ten years of service ‘always on the frontlines’. To help gain affinity with me, I guess, he also has two children and a loving wife. I don’t know how a man who is always rotating around the frontlines has time to even  _ have  _ two children. I’ve spent the better part of the last two years at war and I can probably count all the peaceful, not-stressed, not thinking about war, not thinking about any of that, nights I had sleeping in the Imperial Bedroom on one hand. And… not that I want to think about it, but a person preoccupied with all that war business isn’t going to just take off his clothes and try for an heir or five. So this ‘always on the frontlines’ man must be worth a dozen me’s, being able to pull himself together enough to spend a night thinking about nothing more than oogies. Not that  _ I  _ want to think about that...but still. 

All together, I received the same similar reports from all these men.

I only knew some of these names. The ones that I knew that were blissfully incompetent to join me, perhaps he’s too cowardly or he has no experience and got his rank because his father was someone’s brother through marriage, to them I rejected them outright. Then there were the ones who titled themselves as commanders of infantry. We have lots of those. I rejected them, citing, repeatedly,  _ ‘if only you were as well-red as you are well-bred, you would read that my campaign is to feature few if any infantry _ .’ The ones that  _ were  _ competent enough to join me, or lied well enough to write the appropriate title, think  _ ‘commander of riders’ _ , I wrote back that I would  _ ‘consider’  _ their joining. This took until noon and then some. And, sure, I had some snacks during all this, but nothing really… filling. 

“We’ve got four days until everyone’s here, right?” I looked around at the room of officers and my two companions. Fengji put his papers together. “The midday census reported that we’ve got two thousand of Guiren’s forces and all of Tycho’s men mustered so far, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s great _ .  _ No, really. It’s good we’re going up in numbers. It’s not fast enough, though _ . 

“And our scouts out west?” I don’t know if it’s Guiren’s job to tell me this, but he was the one to inform me that “Song routed Colonel Takehisa on the banks of the Great Makapu River, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s good. I wish I had a scroll about that instead.  _ “And New Taku?” “I’m sorry to say that our scouts haven’t yet reached it, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s not good. I want to know what that man’s up to _ . “Any other news?” and I looked around at the officers, waiting for someone to do something. Someone did. 

The heavy rider commander pointed at the local map, northwest of Tianqiao. “A few skirmishes between our forces and raider  _ daofei _ .”  _ Raider daofei _ ? “On ostrich horseback?  _ Those  _ raider  _ daofei _ ?” “A few, yes. It’s nothing to be concerned about, Your Majesty. We’re bound to have some raiders trying to grab supplies from us.” The Lord of Yankou tried to reassure me that “My local militia are handling them, Your Majesty.” I gave a sideways glance to Taishi. He gave no response. “Any number of men is a dangerous number of men. Scouts can bring news of weak points. A small elite force disguised as ‘regular  _ daofei _ ’ can infiltrate. I want them dead by tomorrow. Understood?” “Yes, Your Majesty,” Tycho and Guiren replied simultaneously. “What of the rails? Do we still hold them?” Fengji replied “We do, Your Majesty.” I nodded at that. “Very good. Dismissed for now. I need lunch.” 

I took lunch at a restaurant with views of the rural lands to the northeast of the city. The restaurant wasn’t inherently fancy, nor did the waiters, waitresses and cooks ever in their wildest dreams imagine the Emperor would just stroll in to their two-story restaurant. I didn’t have to pay them for my food, I’m the Emperor after all, but I gave them a gold piece in advance. I didn’t have to pay them for my personal bodyguards’ food, they’re the Imperial Guard after all, but I used that gold piece I handed to them to pay for my men since we’re not buying the fanciest food. We’re eating some turtle-duck and rice. While sitting on the balcony with Taishi, Zhu and a few others, we had a unique sight to behold.

A train approached. You could hear it at a distance, horns blaring to signal people get off the track. It was running along the train line that skirts the town for the faster path straight northwest. The first two carriages belched out smoke. This was one of the newer models, imported from the Fire Nation’s designs and slowly being circulated into the rest of the Empire. It was coal-powered and quite fast. Or… it would be fast, if it weren’t for it’s gargantuan size. 

I started counting at the first one and by the time I was done counting, most of my fellows had finished their second courses.  _ Two hundred and forty one carriages. _ Most weren’t carriages as much as plates of earth loosely tied to plates in front of or behind them. On these plates, tanks. Imperial Tanks. They had, usually, four to a carriage, and were stacked side-to-side. There were stable-carriages, transporting dozens of ostrich horses. Then there were other ‘carriages’ that were defensive platforms with artillery pieces attached to them.  _ Siege equipment if needed. Anti-raider equipment, more likely _ . There were some twenty barracks-carriages on the back. I know this because they lack any of the furnishings of a formal carriage. And almost no windows. And, to quite literally lead all of this, the front of the front carriage was adorned with the Empire’s earth coin insignia. Every single carriage had flagpoles proudly flying the Empire’s many flags. Because… pompousness and fanciness are important. All of this didn’t go unnoticed by the people of Tianqiao or the surrounding farmlands. 

Farmers put down their tilling and watering equipment. Families left their rural farmsteads to run over near the tracks. Citizens of the city stopped what they were doing to run up to the battlements and look out. People as near to us as the waitress attending us and as far away as directly adjacent to the tracks were waving to the passing  _ army _ . Many took out flags, old and new, and waved them. Others punched the air. Others bowed. Others kowtowed. The ant-sized green men that were sitting in the tanks, their heads popping out through the entrance, waved back to all they could. 

The waitress serving us was jumping up and down with excitement. “They’re going to go get rid of those rebels!” The Imperial Guards looked at me, I looked back at them. “We’re sitting right here, not really… getting rid of anything,  _ yet _ .” She was so caught up in all this that she forgot I was sitting next to her. When she turned, she almost fainted. “Your Majesty!”  _ Yes.  _ “Yes. Hello to you, too,” and I waved to her. 

The fervor of the Empire is one of it’s biggest sources of success. People see things like that, a massive train plowing across the countryside carrying the largest load of any vehicle in history, and are filled with loyalty to their Empire and their Empress. As I walked back to my mobile residence to train, then to sleep, I looked more intently at passing peasants and townsfolk. After an event like what they just saw, or heard,  _ the loud horns were good at that _ , they went to go offer their prayers. Prayers to paintings, hung all over the place, of the Empress in clothes that fit her rank but not who she is; prayers to small statues of her, scattered in the most prestigious points of one’s business or in specific shrines dedicated to her; prayers to  _ large  _ statues of her, someone replicated her likeness in metal quite… well. Well is an overstatement. They’re metal, sure, but that’s no excuse for such janky hair. And they’re always of her with her hands on her hips in that hands-on-hips pose of hers. 

It took me until the fifth to go  _ wait a miao _ and hit me:  _ she’s the one building these, she builds them for practice reasons, of course anything she builds would be worshipped and commemorated _ . I couldn’t help but feel a strong sense of pride for my Empress’s own hands producing such wonderful works of art. Granted, these are probably a hobby, a sort of pastime, for her, and that’s why they’re over here and not somewhere more important,  _ no offense Tianqiao but you’re not the capital _ . Doesn’t matter, they’re still quite special. 

I dismounted my ostrich horse at the sixth one I found, a small shrine built to block off an alleyway, and kowtowed. I didn’t want to get my face mud-stained from what happens when a light nighttime drizzle combines with soft clay and dirt so I just stayed there, kneeling. And I offered my prayers to my Empress’s health and wellbeing while eyeing the thumb ring I was wearing. Nan also knelt. The Imperial Guard that came with me also dismounted and also offered their prayers. Except theirs were audible “Ten Thousand Years to Her Imperial Majesty” and the like. The platoon of us attracted a whole mob, some soldiers, some just townsfolk, who gathered around our gilded company and kowtowed. This in turn attracted the attention of a local sage, who offered to shower all of us with blessings. Not having  _ that  _ much patience, I got back on my ostrich horse, the Imperial Guards following suit, and we all rode away because sages are… not really my interest. 

That night, I had nothing new to report from my officers. More men were arriving, most of the vehicles were, get this, being transported west on that large train I spotted earlier, and the ostrich horses were for some reinforcing riders since apparently someone included them in. The whereabouts of the aircraft were unknown. As such, I swapped armor for a sleep robe, blew out the reading lanterns, and went to lie down on a very fancy bed with very fancy soft sheets. I happened to have quite a few… concerned dreams, mostly the result of not being informed to the fullest extent about matters that I wished to be informed about. I wanted to know where the New Takuan forces were, and I was nervous about hearing that they were somewhere completely different. 

Also, a dream about rolling around on the grass with Toph. Then, because of dream logic, we ended up on the shoreline of the mountain lake back home on Kyoshi Island. The one everyone used to go swimming, sometimes without clothes, in. Because dream logic is strange, we went swimming. Correction, I took her swimming. Correction, I taught her to swim by picking her up and carrying her through the water while she flailed her legs about and accidentally probably intentionally slapped me in the chest. We and our clothes both got soaked beyond reason and we emerged in a lake somewhere up in Yancun. I had to make her a fire to warm her up,  _ hard for her to do without sight _ , she made an earth tent for the two of us to dry off in. Then, because of dream logic, we discussed political matters for the rest of the night. I know, I know. Dream logic  _ should  _ dictate that we do other things, but in my dreams, the two of us sit down and discuss rulership. I made sure she slept warmly, even if that meant a slight lack in clothes for me to wear since I offered her my outer robes, but she  _ did  _ fall asleep. I… did, eventually, to. 

Back in reality, I woke to morning bird calls, robin-cardinals, and cicada-locusts buzzing. Nan, as always, put himself on the bed to my side. But not right next to me, since he always respected the space that the Empress would normally place. That, and I think a few months of accidentally being foot-tapped in the nose,  _ sorry Nan!,  _ by Toph would teach him to give us some legroom. Or rather, give the short Toph some leg room. Because she’s a real kicker. And knee-er, as a few accidental bops to my…  _ ow…  _ have confirmed. I sat up and my good eye went right for the table with  _ only a few scrolls _ , _ woohoo! _ . I changed clothes and got to work reading. 

This time, I found news I actually wanted to know. First, Zhe Zhuang. The Vice Admiral crossed the Junction and picked up a few more light cruisers to scout ahead for him. The  _ IEN Dongfang  _ is slated to moor off the Weinan coast, waiting for further instructions, within a few days. His letter offers me the chance to embark on his ship and possibly lead the sea-based part of this invasion. How I’d do that while leading five thousand riders,  _ I have no idea. _ Besides, I may be a kayak person, and the blood of South Sea sailors runs through me, but I’ve no experience leading navies. Sure, sure, he was implying that I didn’t directly control any of it, instead come along on a supervisional level.  _ So?  _

I wrote back suggesting he stay near the coast until I cross what the Xishan Tribesmen call ‘the Great River’. Should any forces engage us, I reasoned, we’d have naval artillery and air support on our side. They would likely have neither.  _ And if they did, we’d blow them all up with our numbers. _ I said I’d send news when I reached Weinan myself and asked for him to send me news when he reached his first mooring destination. I handed this scroll to an attendant who then sent for a messenger hawk… or maybe an eel-hound, I don’t really know. 

The second and more important scroll I received was from General Song. It started with the kind of loving poetry a grandfather would give.  _ ‘I wish Your Majesty full health and the best mental and physical composers.’  _ Then it went on to tell me that he’s routed Takehisa’s forces but doesn’t want to give chase into the mountains. He asked me if I wanted him to chase after the firebender. He also told me that  _ his  _ scouts say that the New Takuan Army consists of a few tanks and aircraft. His scouts claimed to have seen three squadrons of them flying over the mountains. He warned that  _ ‘if our opponents are as wise as the best of them, that could mean far more we don’t see than we do _ .’ 

This didn’t really help my concerns, it just made me want to take action sooner. He also informed me of warnings on going into the Makapuan Mountains. That ‘ _ locals _ ’ know the land well, but the land in question is, quote,  _ ‘endless valleys and endless evergreen bogs _ ’. Looking at the map, all his claims appear true, the Empire has officially barely mapped out the Makapuan Mountains and the edges that we have mapped are absolutely pocketed with valleys. As such, I mentally accepted the obvious: we will end up in a battle that doesn’t favor us.  _ We will end up in a situation that may not be the best, but we will have to prepare for every eventuality whether it’s here or against Takehisa.  _

I wrote back to him to have him hold his position at his bastion, a  _ ‘guard post against the mountain passes’ _ that he and his men have garrisoned in. I told him that his priority isn’t to pursue the phantom army, his job is to hold against Takehisa and break the man. I gave the wisdom that my Empress would likely give to a foe she can’t chase down, ‘ _ Wait and listen. _ ’ Of course, getting Toph to admit she can’t win a battle is like fighting an earthbender in the middle of the Wulong Forest. You’re going to get it between the eyes, or in my case because she’s being nice, the chest. And, oh yeah,  _ ‘softly’  _ and with her elbows instead of rocks because she doesn’t want to cause internal bleeding. I also told him to send more scouts out and ‘ _ figure out the size of the army _ ’. Finally, he said it was going east, which doesn’t help.  _ East? There’s so many easts _ . 

This morning, I swapped my clothes for a shower, a shower for Imperial Armor, and being inside for being outside. I don’t like sitting around in a carriage all day. The two Generals  _ still  _ had little to report beyond ‘some of our scouts saw  _ daofei  _ raiders’. Some of their scouts were also killed by said  _ daofei  _ raiders. I can’t blame them for not knowing, I rely on them, they rely on their scouts, their scouts better have eyes. Nonetheless, as said, I don’t like sitting around and doing nothing all day. So this day, I treated Tianqiao like the Imperial Palace, and took my ostrich horse out for a stroll. 

I went out riding with my Imperial bodyguards, Zhu and Nan. We were all formally dressed, save Nan  _ who’s always formally dressed _ . I had my regular  _ jian _ , bow and quiver, and my weapon-bearer brought the  _ shuang-shao _ along on a long back scabbard. We rode around the city going wherever I liked. I wanted to visit some parks, so we visited some parks. I wanted to stop off and give a prayer to my Empress, so we stopped off and did that. Speaking of, we left early enough in the morning for me to pass by the city barracks as a sage gave the awake and at attention ones a motivational speech. Then the usual of kneeling and kowtowing in piety. In this case, it was to a painting of the Empress. At one point during the ride, the sound of aircraft engines drowned out the regular city chatter. 

We turned our heads towards the east and saw a massive flock of Imperial aircraft flying towards us. They weren’t blobbed up, instead in formations of four, or eight, or twelve, or sixteen, with one leader for each. Each biplane had the green-and-gold earth coin, the normal emblem, painted on it’s underwings and sides. They flew too high and too directly above us to make out if there were any other differences. This massing of aircraft flying east-to-west drew people out of their houses and onto their balconies, all with the same intent. Looking up at the largest gathering of aircraft yet far in history. I wasn’t as enthusiastic, the more they fly those aircraft the more likely something could happen.  _ This is Imperial engineering afterall. _

But I admit, it  _ does  _ look amazing. For the second time in two days, my basic concept of counting confirmed there were far more than fifty of them flying overhead. Which is good and bad. Yesterday, I would’ve argued that we need less. Today, if there’s an army we’re going to face soon, I figured that it’s better if we have more. This random air show ended almost as quickly as it showed up... and I continued riding. The Imperial Guard rode back to the station while Zhu, Nan and I set out traversing the city once again, this time looking for tea. Ten  _ fen  _ later,  _ it didn’t happen. _

The central drum and bell tower rang out. “Is it really a new  _ geng _ ?” Zhu asked a passing peasant. “No… it isn’t,” the peasant replied. So I asked. “Then what is it?” Everything went silent for a half- _ fen _ , though it felt like far longer. Then, someone, somewhere to our left cried out “Attack!”.  _ Oh. Attack. Right _ . “We have to get back to the-” I cut off Zhu by snapping my ostrich horse’s reins and riding off towards the source of that cry. That cry was replaced by two things. The sounds of stampeding ostrich horses and the screams of women. 

I yelled the obvious. “They’re in the city. They’re in the city!” Zhu tried to get me to see some reason. “They are and we have to get back to the Carriage!” “It’s too far!” and I made a left onto a main road and spotted... _them_. Charging down the road, a force of men in brown and orange who looked like _daofei_ , except riding ostrich horses. They were attacking the civilizations. “My blade!” Zhu couldn’t say ‘no’. He couldn’t. He pulled the scabbard over his back and I unsheathed my _jian_. “It’s just the two of us,” he mumbled. “ _And one giant_ _jian_.” A couple _daofei_ spotted us and tried to pile down the city street towards us. 

I knocked the first man off his mount with a swing to the chest. The rest weren’t as fortunate. I cut right through another man’s hand and whole arm as he tried to hit me with an axe. An axe. Zhu couldn’t reach the man opposite him, so he stabbed the ostrich horse in the eye. Panicked, the mount reared and sent the poor soul flinging backwards, only to get stepped on,  _ on the face _ , by a pursuing ostrich horse. A mount that caved his head in. 

I had it much better, a passing rider with a  _ dao  _ tried to slice at my chest. Little did he realize it simply pinged off my chest like so many others. For his pleasure, I sawed his head off with my blade. At this time, reinforcements arrived through ostrich horses. The local Imperial Army garrison and it’s  _ ji _ s. This wasn’t helpful for me or my ostrich horse, who was hit in the rear by a passing hammer and sent barreling forward. She threw me and my  _ jian  _ off.  _ Thanks, girl _ .

I got back up, using the blade as a cane, then swinging it around and finally,  _ finally _ , getting to grip it with both hands.  _ Oh, you are all so dead _ . I wasn’t going to cower in the alley. I ran back out into the street and sliced the legs off an ostrich horse with a passing swing. The rider was sent flying face-first into a happy-to-impale  _ ji _ . Then I turned towards the oncoming tidal wave of men and… didn’t break. I gave the first ostrich horse a stab through the head. The blade came out the other side and the rider fell off. I unceremoniously kicked him in the head multiple times while drawing my blade out in the bloodiest, and coolest, fashion possible. Then I plunged my blade through him. 

Once done, I had more men trying to cram their way through. It turns out the street only supports four at a time and that’s not counting bad ostrich horse management.  _ Cramming ten in won’t work _ . One of them had the bright idea to charge me. I sliced his head off in one swing. It wasn’t even a clean cut. I went through the top of one shoulder and left a bit of the neck attached.  _ Sorry about that, I’ll be cleaner next time _ . 

This made the enemy  _ daofei  _ quite… aback. I’d say ‘shocked’ but it was more of a ‘stunned’. Watching a five foot blade  _ cut right through  _ some burly man… that’s stunning, right? Others were  _ still _ charging me.  _ Swing, swing _ . It takes a lot of work, but if you have the arm strength, it’s quite possible to cut right through one man’s chest then use the momentum of the swing compiled with your own side-stepping to, in the same swing, twirl over to and slice into the other rider. I did just that, the momentum being the secret, and made the latter rider’s right arm fall off and his chest look like a tree with a few axe holes into it. Not enough to make him fall over… not that it mattered. The  _ daofei  _ looking on… well some of them looked petrified. Petrified wood is famous for forming a traffic jam of confusion. Or… something like that.  _ They had no idea what was happening and I don’t blame them for that _ .

It took me and the rest of the reinforcements charging them to make them do something. And by that point, they weren’t about to turn and flee. Our  _ ji _ s outranged their ostrich horses, and, for better or worse, Zhu’s yell of “Don’t charge them!” to me didn’t work. I ran right  _ at  _ them and buried my blade in one of the riders’ chests. The others, being slowly thrown into a killbox and stabbed to bits, tried to do what they could. The smart ones hopped off their ostrich horses and ran down other alleys.  _ They might even survive this… for a few fen until our green tidal wave tracks them down and kills them all _ . The stupid ones were late to this and got shoved around by others. Some were crushed by their mounts. Some were thrown off their mounts and right into my blade or my friends’  _ ji _ s. As the  _ daofei  _ retreated out of my blade’s range, I opted to switch things up a little bit.  _ Give my hands a break _ .

I dropped my blade, grabbed my bow, and  _ grinned _ . I got a more advantageous position, running up a staircase near a house. I counted my quiver.  _ Ten arrows _ . Nine chest hits and a head hit. Not all the chest hits were kills, but all ten arrows were loosed in two  _ miao _ , each. Two  _ miao _ including the nocking, drawing, aiming and releasing.  _ That’s the ‘quick loose’ for you, now put to use. Thanks, Song _ .

I ended the battle where I stood, on this staircase, dropping my twelfth opponent as he scampered down an alley. Nan had fun making sure a wounded man was no longer wounded, but chomped. 

As the garrison came to me and asked me about my wounds, I only had one thing on my mind.

As Zhu arrived with my  _ shuang-shao jian _ , I only had one thing on my mind. 

As the Imperial Guard arrived, formally concerned for me, with Taishi blaming himself for neglecting to be more overprotective, I only had one thing on my mind.

“I’m going to have  _ so  _ many scrolls to go write.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time... the Emperor gathers his army and prepares to intercept the bulk of the New Takuan forces.
> 
> -Chapter title, explained: Planning this war is more bureaucracy than strategy.   
> -It would've been really easy to go 'I woke in Tianqiao' or 'So I received How's letter and went back to sleep' or invent some kind of time jump. However, I wanted to reflect the (albeit high) amount of letters being passed around back and forth between the Emperor and an assortment of parties. This isn't just a simple one-two punch conflict due to the distances that need to be crossed.  
> -As Mori says, the letters are, thanks to the bureaucracy and traditions at play, required to be longwinded and complicated. All this focus on letters is for a point. Letters are like a supply chain, if it's cut off, that's not a good thing.  
> -At the same time, it's a good idea to look at these letters and question how strategically sound it is to spend hours writing high poetry responses instead of writing 'I need x number of men at y place by the quartermoon.'   
> -The entire paragraph on the Dai Li fanclub was a improvised addition. Taishi's quite straight with Mori, and this helps with continuity. I set up the Dai Li Fanfic Writer's Club ,I mean, Imperial Deflowering Betting Pool, so why not call them out once in a while?  
> -I had no intention of having Tycho returned, it's just that since they needed to stop off at Tianqiao on their way west, I figured he'd be bound to show up since he runs the place.  
> -Mori's 'folk hero' speech wasn't improvised, but it was meant to be like one. As if someone challenging the perception of who Mori is, someone personal who he can be honest with, set him off on a tangent.  
> -By the time of the New Taku Campaign, many monorails are being converted to trains. Trains run faster and farther and don't need to slow down to let earthbenders swap.


	93. Of Waiting and Of Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor gathers his forces, the largest mechanized contingent thus far in history, and plans how he'll defeat the possibly as large if not larger New Takuan force.

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Nine:

Seven days of travelling, because the monorails are as blinding as they are fast. Seven days of riding because I  _ wanted this done _ . No, no, that’s an understatement. I wanted to ensure that those who attacked us were killed. There were two dozen different scrolls telling me what I saw before I went in. So many different opinions to explain it. 

Local generals told me these were  _ daofei _ . Mere  _ daofei  _ who threatened us… by being more effective than the usual  _ daofei _ . Ling-Li, Protector of the Boshan Valley, titles titles, and his Sentinel friends told me these were mercenary raiders. He told me these were mercenaries who’d somehow -most likely- skirted the foothills of the Sky Peaks. Ba Sing Se recommended that I just keep going west and let someone  _ else  _ handle this. Because… we have lots of Magistrates and officers and all those people.  _ And ‘they can handle this’. _ I couldn’t explain the satisfaction I felt when I wrote the characters for ‘ _ I will see this done’ _ . 

It was seven days of mounted combat, hunting down those who did not want to be found. Seven days, no rest. What did I see? I saw thousands of men on ostrich horses. They carried a dozen different weapons. Spears, lances, axes, hammers,  _ dao  _ blades,  _ jian _ blades, and even a few Imperial Firebender naginatas. They wore a hundred different types of armor. Fire Nation chest pieces alongside Imperial ones. Helmets and conical hats. Boots and greaves. But… they flew under one banner. 

A grey banner. Five stars, none greater than the other, surrounding nothing. Each is to a color. Red, orange, blue, green and white. As our riders, and myself, fell upon their encampment, we remarked that nobody has ever seen such a strange set of emblems. As we cut down these men in an early morning surprise attack, _ the guandao makes for an excellent implement, _ I realized  _ what  _ it truly was. All these different weapons, armors, firebenders and earthbenders counter attacking us,  _ this is likely the Army of New Taku and that is the flag of New Taku. _

The Sun was setting behind the legendary Fanhui Wood, the sight of then-alive Prince Lu Ten’s only ‘defeat’, if the histories dare call it that, to a force of riders who used the forest against him, as we came down from the north upon the large airfield and military depot of Fanhui itself. My riders were exhausted.  _ I  _ was exhausted. The monorails blasted their gongs and horns and  _ someone  _ in our party cracked a joke about “I never knew I’d miss a gong like that” and earned the half-asleep laughter of the rest of us. 

When we left the train, it was in parade formation even if our intent was to hunt some men. When we  _ arrived  _ at the train crossing, it was in blob formation and our intent was to hunt some dinner. Being polite, I had my men stop and wait for this hundred-carriage metal machine to pass us by. It was transporting tanks. And artillery.  _ Those were two things I could’ve used while in such wondrous places as the Sitou Marshlands and the Sitou Bogs _ . Not that they’d be able to  _ tread  _ such land, but hey.  _ They look neat. I like the neatness factor. I miss clean things _ .

The guards guarding the building that read ‘Officers Quarters’ fell into kowtows while I and the others very mentally put together officers who followed me on my hunt across bogs and estuaries,  _ only the most mentally capable here _ , dismounted. Lots of “Your Majesty!” and “Ten Thousand Years!” and… I was not in the mood for it. I took my helmet and tossed it to someone who I hoped worked here. 

Then I walked inside and was met with… fermented incense scents. Somewhere in all this, the two Sergeant Generals whose names I knew, Fengji and Guiren, were eating dinner at an informal mess hall. I call it informal, but the walls were adorned with grand tapestries of folk heroes from bygone eras, the Empress cracking heads, and of course, brothel-maids. Lots of extremely accurate versions of the Empress dueling firebenders or earthbenders.  _ I guess it’s illegal to draw something that isn’t her and pretend it is _ . She’s always found caught in the middle of the act. The brothel-maids… on the other hand, were quite stylized. Some artists chose to give them loose clothes. Some chose to not give them clothes at all. Some chose to have them… also caught in the middle of the act. Just… a different act.  _ I need a whiskey or ten _ .

One of those is not like the other and Taishi could only point at it and let out a wheezy chuckle.  _ Even he’s too tired for all this… nonsense _ . When I say informal, I mean that the building is informal.  _ Valuable carriage space was spent on ensuring these tapestries arrived, I’m sure of it _ . Pretending to just be another officer, I grabbed a chair and sat down across from these two officers whose names I knew. There were lots of  _ other  _ officer-robed men whose names I didn’t know, and I had no intention to learn them.

“How was the Imperial Campaign Against Rebels in Sitou, Your Majesty?” Fengji asked. I raised my arms. “Do I smell like moss? Or a bog?” As expected, someone threw in a lie compliment because the Emperor is not allowed to get submerged up to his chest in bog mud. Nope.  _ That’s not allowed _ . Since nobody dared say the truth,  _ I do smell like a bog and I need many showers _ , I changed the topic.

“Did any of you receive my scrolls?” I asked this and knew the answer. “No, Your Majesty.”  _ Yeah, of course, they were blown out of the sky by arrows.  _ “Then you’d know I had an  _ excellent  _ time hunting men waving the flag of New Taku as those men tried their hardest to run from us.” The room of officers applauded me, missing the nuance of what I said. “How did Your Majesty like southern Sitou?,” some officer asked. 

I looked at Taishi and broke into laughter. “How did I like it? How  _ did  _ I like it? Would  _ anyone  _ who was there like to tell you how I liked it?” Taishi gave the input of “It’s just me and Zhu and the other Imperial Guard to vouch.” Zhu, being his father’s son, was all ‘too humble to speak’. Taishi, being the son of a brothel-maid and someone she was attending who she might’ve gotten into a relationship with… doesn’t really care about humility. “It wasn’t that great. The delta’s archipelago wasn’t that great.” I thought about adding to what he said. So I did. 

“We had riders. They had riders. They didn’t care about their ostrich horses. We cared about ours.” Then he added to my sentence, using my style. “They had hunters. We had bright shiny men.” Surprisingly, he took to slamming his hand into my back. “Thank the Empress for this man, right here. Picked off two dozen different hunters. On his own. At  _ dawn _ .” This gave me some reconciliation,  _ ah, yes, a decisive success, _ and an excuse to smile. One of these generals at a nearby table asked “Is it true, Your Majesty?” 

I shrugged. “I spent my youth hunting duck-geese at dawn. Turns out marshes in Sitou are just like marshes back on Kyoshi Island. Same mud. Same muck. Same marsh smell.” These middle-aged and old generals didn’t seem the types to partake in early morning hunts, and thus this was probably news to them. They then raised their teacups to me and my act of heroics.  _ Yes, toast me. Thank you _ . An aside, it wasn’t really heroic. They were just worse hunters than I was, and I opted not to dress in the shining golden armor that I was formally supposed to when hunting them. 

This didn’t stop their questioning,  _ no, why would it? _ “How many men did Your Majesty kill in single combat?” I looked at Taishi and Zhu for some help, they didn’t offer it. “I don’t remember. It’s hard to remember. We charged some of their encampments with ostrich horses, we crossed all kinds of little islands and found many of their hideouts.” I accepted the water that someone’s servant brought me and downed it like it was Kyoshi’s Own. 

“The Emperor led us against some of the most remote villages I’ve ever seen.” _Thank you, Taishi. It’s appreciated_. “Zhu?” I leaned over towards the man. “What does my _yunjiwei_ think?” “I think Your Majesty acted light on your feet and went places the _daofei_ wouldn’t expect you to.” _That is the truth, yes_. These officers were all happy to toast me being ‘going places even _daofei_ wouldn’t expect.’ _Oh it sounds so… fancy like that_.

Before my story gets turned into a fantastical ballad, I opted to tell them the truth. “When we were in Sitou-”  _ by the way, the entire campaign wasn’t just Sitou, I don’t know why you people think it is _ , “-I split my forces apart. The locals, when given some respect for being bog-dwellers, guided us across the endless marshes. Only some of them betrayed us. I happened to go in a group of myself, my  _ yunjiwei _ , my Lieutenant, my wolf-dog, and some others, Imperial Guards and local guides. 

I took a few  _ miao  _ to think back on the events. There was lots of grass that turned to water when we stepped on it. There were lizard-lions to avoid or kill. There were alligator-lions to also avoid, or kill. We never knew which trees would bear our weight should we rest on them. Walk too close to the edge? Walk anywhere within sight of the edge? Chances are you’ll fall into a bog that only the locals who know every single stone can tell are bogs. These trees will grow out of the stagnant muck or the thick mud, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes, I’d find myself on islands that were as small as a house or as large as a town.” I stopped short because I didn’t really desire to continue explaining all of this. 

Taishi is not me. “Tell them about the island you pacified yourself.” I sighed. I was gobbling down rice grains faster than the Empress diving onto some dirt after standing on wood all day. The officers then joined in, begging and cheering, “A heroic tale for the ages!” I didn’t want to tell anyone. I just wanted to drink and eat in peace. And make sure my companions drank and ate in peace. Nan was fed slabs of meat, far better than the bits of jerky we could feed him. Zhu slowly consumed his dinner with chopsticks. The Xishaners were… somewhere else. In their own quarters. Hopefully enjoying the game they caught earlier this afternoon. These officers kept begging for a story. I thought to myself  _ if I tell them, they’ll be quiet, and then I can go rest in peace _ . 

“I’ll tell all of you.” They formally cheered, with toasts and whatnot.

I can’t really write it, but I started telling the story like I retold stories of my past antics to Toph or Kotyan. These involve lots of talking-with-the-hands. “So...this local forester was telling us some hideout was on an island in the middle of a lake. It was a small lake. Middle of the lake, a small island, a grove of trees on the island surrounded the hut these  _ daofei  _ had used for illegal forestry and poaching. There was only this one canoe, probably so the errant passerby would think it’s just the usual forester hut.” Everybody nodded along, since they comprehended that much.

I continued. “So what I did was wait until late into the night, just after the start of twilight when you can distinguish ground from sky, then dipped an oiled arrowhead in fire and launched it. It hit a tree and that tree… within a few  _ fen _ , was ablaze. This made the  _ daofei  _ hiding there leave their encampment and rush to put out the forest fire before it killed them all. Oh, yeah… so there were these two earthbenders that were creating a stone basin to use.”

After letting the officers muse what I could possibly have done to two earthbenders,  _ nobody said anything, though maybe that’s on me for not telling them it was a question _ , I went on. “I hit one, making the other yell out some kind of alarm before launching his own boulder in my general direction. His problem was that he’s standing up and pointing at me and I was behind a tree in the middle of the woods. So can’t see me, but I can see him. So… I loosed an arrow and hit him in the chest. Didn’t kill him, but it made him fall over into the bog. He had a very anticlimactic death of drowning in a bog.” Despite this, the officers cheered my accomplishment as ‘an excellent archer’.

_ But I wasn’t done _ . I hand gestured for them to all politely quiet down. “So… the forest fire’s expanding. Some of the  _ daofei  _ try to flee. Three of them, an archer and two rowers, get in the marshland canoe. I go for the archer first. I didn’t hit her but I made her fall out. The two rowers debate on whether to go back, to go forward, or to help their friend. They took too long and died for it. Thwick and a thwick. I went to refill my quiver while the  _ daofei _ were turned well done on their own island. The last of these poor, poor criminals tried to cross the lake by swimming. The idiots were weighed down by wearing armor and trying to carry all kinds of equipment. And loot. If they weren’t struck by my arrows, they drowned. One of them managed to make it all the way across, I drew my  _ jian _ , and I cut him down. Slash, gash, no more problem. And that was that. The island’s probably still on fire now.” 

I put my hands together, exhaled in relief of  _ finally, I can sleep _ , but instead of that was granted the applause of the whole room. Lots of people were calling toasts, attendants pouring rice wine, others were calling me heroic,  _ I’m really not, though, _ and others were calling for this campaign to be commemorated,  _ no thanks _ . After enough of that, I looked down at my thumb ring, thought of how great a shower and sleep would be, stood, and left.

I strolled down a very basic stone hallway, which, considering this airfield itself is quite recent, would imply this whole building is quite recent. The officer’s quarters were similarly barren. Each officer had his own room and washroom. That’s it. No fifty tea rooms and ten clothing rooms. The room itself was smaller than the guest houses I’ve stayed in during my time as Emperor, larger than the…  _ Well I can’t measure distance that well, I’ll guess twenty Consort’s feet by ten… _ bedroom I had to share with my cousin because my little cousin wanted a room to herself and neither of us were going to give up on the mountain view so we shared. 

Once inside the room itself, I shut the door and took to slowly throwing off my wear. Everything had that… bog smell to it. Even the stuff that wasn’t drenched in mud. Now, I know that Toph would probably love the smell, but…  _ take a shower, me _ . Thankfully, my more personal belongings were kept safe in places it didn’t touch.  _ The secret is the sarashi I wrapped around my chest, which, yes, I know I’m a man, but it worked _ . 

I went to the shower a sopping mess and sat down in it, enjoying all the scented soaps that some courtiers had placed in it for my use. I sat in a corner, took off my thumb ring and looked over the small tree etching and blue background. All I wanted to do was just sit there and enjoy feeling this ring, over and over and over and over. Some attendants arrived to offer to help me remove the wonderful marsh feeling from my hands, I -reluctantly- accepted. 

I left the shower clean, but tired. My hair ran loose and long and dry. I was growing a beard, seven days of journeying tend to do that. And I intend to keep it, as removing any hair from one’s body is forbidden in Ba Sing Se.  _ Unlike some people, cough, Suki _ . So… when I returned to the Empress, I’d have a modest short beard. I longed for the enjoyment of a soft blanket that wasn’t a stone platform suspended above marshland and… I got my wish. It was great! No scrolls to look at! No campaigns to go fight right now! Just tap my eyepatch and slowly run my thumb over this ring. This lovely lovely ring. Nan arrived, also having been cleaned off, chose to join me at my side.

Zhu showed up, knocking and requesting to enter, I accepted because I didn’t want attention, but Taishi and Zhu and Nan aren’t ‘attention’, they’re friends. I pulled my blanket up to cover myself.  _ As much as I’ll gladly maintain the Empress’s ‘bathrobes are court robes’ policy, I’m the master of my own bedroom. No thanks.  _ “We’ve still got a war ahead of us” Zhu pointed out while standing at attention. “We do, that is true” and I groggily nodded along. “Shouldn’t you get to viewing the scrolls that you missed during our sidetrack campaign?” “Can I do that tomorrow? I’m tired now.” He couldn’t say no, so he moved on to other inquiries. 

“What’s our plan from here?” Feeling quite groggy,  _ I just want to sleep, really, please _ , I said “Cross the Xijiang, then west to New Taku.” “You mean to cross the Takuan Mountains?”  _ Takuan…  _ “No, no-,” I took a long time to yawn, “-one mountain range will be enough, thank you.” “So up along the Takuan Mountains, then over through Jimo?,” he asked, expecting me to be awake. I yawned. “Is Jimo next to Gangxi?” “Three commanderies to the northeast,” he replied like a man who’s studied his maps. And wasn’t asleep. “Are those commanderies plains?” “Forested rolling foothills with some plains.”  _ Great. Thanks Zhu. That’s just great. All the more nonsense to contend with, all the better.  _

“Is there a  _ way  _ to New Taku that way?” and I pointed wherever I felt like New Taku was. “The rail lines run to Gangxi.” “Very good.” Then I took a pillow and ate it because I really wanted to sleep. “When are we departing?” the oblivious -he’s looking the wrong way, probably- Zhu asked. “Not now.” and I yawned. “I need to collect my mind. It’s rolling away-” then I pointed at a wall, “-it’s over there, rolling away from us. My mind is rolling off… into the wall.”

Then, as if lucidity just hit me, I snapped up and shouted “If I smell one more estuary I’m going to cease existing” before eating a pillow. Nan, credit to the good boy, jumped off and ran over to where I was pointing. The weapon-bearer wished me “A good night.” I wished him “Anything you want,  _ anything _ , just  _ let me sleep _ .” The door closed quietly. As he simply couldn’t stop talking,  _ nothing against him personally,  _ I was too awake to sleep. So I sat up, pulled that small court painting of the two of us out from my belongings, slowly ran my fingers over it, then placed it on the nightstand to my side. I spent a few  _ fen  _ looking at the two of us, side-by-side. 

I woke on a great blanket that was a blanket. I found Nan to my side, sleeping there, being Nan. It’s hard to remember that this very good boy, just a day prior, was able to tear a person’s arm off while gnawing at another’s throat and ripping apart yet another’s chest, all within a half- _ fen  _ from one another. As a reward for saving my armor from denting, I gave him some head scratches. I know I was late to repaying the debt, but I  _ did _ get around to it. Then I noticed, as always, that there were some  _ scrolls  _ on the desk. I sighed. My belongings were as I left them. I sat up, put on clothes that are more befitting of an Emperor, and grabbed the pile of scrolls from the opposing nightstand. 

First to be read was Zhe Zhuang. As of yesterday, the  _ Dongfang  _ was off the coast of Weinan’s commandery capital, the location he sent this from. His cruisers reported that some Fire Navy-like ships flying never before seen colors were spotted by his scouts over at the Da Xijiang. He warns of their hostility, when his scout ship tried to hail them, the ship was bombarded by trebuchets and ballistas. He states that he is currently to the south of Fanhui and awaiting further orders. I wrote back to him to wait until we’ve begun moving out and keep us updated.

Second was from the Head of the Dai Li, Commander Xuan Daiyu, of the renowned Daiyu line. He wrote that the Acolytes confessed to being sent east and that there were two ‘kinds’ of Acolytes involved in this massive deterrent plan. There were the idealistic ones, the teenage girls, and some others, who knew nothing, they were the ones that led the chapters and feigned pacifism. Then there were the adults with weapons. 

The idealistic ones were going to distract us, the less-idealistic ones were going to wait for us to strike first, in his words,  _ ‘they believed Your Majesty to be tyrannical enough to kill innocents’ _ , so that they could flee home and claim martyrdom. Why not attack us directly? We’d be prepared, he pointed out, and have a large army. They  _ needed  _ to distract us for long enough to prepare all this, and the less-idealistic ones had to blend in with their ‘superiors’ lest they be shunned. All of this was a plan by  _ ‘someone’ _ on one of the Councils. The idealistic ones were told to go east and try to show people peace, the less idealistic ones were told to go east and kill everything in their paths. 

He added that some confessions have suggested a correlation between the  _ daofei  _ I had previously written about and these Acolytes. What he suggested in his own formal way of speaking is that most of the more murderously-inclined Acolytes were snapped off of the distracting Acolyte force and instead rallied into the large  _ daofei  _ blob that I saw for myself. This was the proof to reject the claim that these were merely normal  _ daofei _ . They may lack the skills of the Imperial Army, but  _ daofei  _ tend not to herd together, and they aren’t known for having flags. These men flew flags of their ‘nation’.  _ And that’s why they weren’t that good at hit-and-run like normal daofei _ .  _ Then what about that island stronghold? Hmm… we knew they had locals, and local daofei helping them, so perhaps it was that _ .

I wrote back to him that I wanted more answers from these Acolytes,  _ ‘tell me everything’ _ and any and all updates he could get for me from New Taku concerning their military movements. I also ensured to note my experiences in Sitou -and not Sitou, but the  _ Histories  _ only care about Sitou- and the flag designs.  _ The Dai Li are reputable. Maybe they’ll make something of this _ . 

Third was from General Song. He is holding out near Lutianzhen at a stronghold. He’s calling for reinforcements from Pohuai. Takehisa hasn’t been spotted in days and Song believes that’s the prelude to an amassing of forces. He also writes that the number of biplanes is ‘ _ greater _ ’ than first thought and warns that they’re flying towards the West Lake. He believes that the New Takuan Army may try to take the Senlin River and blockade it, preventing the  _ IEN Dongfang  _ and the Imperial Fleet of Ba Sing Se from counter-blockading him. In his words, ‘ _ Remember, Your Majesty, who our foes are. Even the least intelligent daofei lord with stolen equipment knew how to use his tanks to flank. These are Colonials, trained in Fire Nation stratagems. _ ’ I had to reread that twice for it to finally make sense.  _ These men have the chance to be dangerous, so be on guard _ . I wrote back to him that I appreciated his advice, as always, that I’d be on the lookout, and that I requested he hold out against Takehisa. May the eel-hounds, then hawks, ride and fly well.

Fourth was from General How. For the first time in a long time, I noted the stamp of the Empress. How reported that he explained Song’s warning -since Song wrote his previous scroll twice, once to myself and once to the Council- to the Empress and that she personally ordered all of us to hold our ground against this force, 

And I quote her words, written by the hand of How.  _ ‘We do not concede to His Flowerliness, we do not retreat to his Flowerliness, the forces of my Empire will not take even a single step back, the forces of the Empire will march to victory, it’s that simple, so get pounding, hammering, and smashing!’. _

__ Granted, trying to figure out what Toph’s trying to say, er, say for a scribe to then write, is difficult, but I took it to mean that neither Song, I, or the ten-odd different officers controlling small armies from here to Gangxi are forbidden from any sort of retreating.  _ So we won’t retreat _ .

I wrote back this question: ‘ _ What has gotten Her Imperial Majesty so concerned about an army?’ _ Then I took that draft and burned it because remembering  _ who  _ Toph is and  _ why  _ this rebellion is not just  _ a  _ rebellion, it is  _ the  _ rebellion, is the key. It’s a man who denounced her claim as the monarch while also causing the two of us a  _ couple  _ pokes courtesy knives. The marks on my hands and chest and waist are testaments to this being  _ the  _ rebellion.

So, instead, I wrote back that I requested new orders from her, since ‘ _ holding back _ ’ was never my intention to begin with.  _ Are we to continue my original plan of charging New Taku? Are we going to form some kind of human wall of earthbenders, tanks and ballista fodder, and allow the men of New Taku to fling themselves to their doom?  _ I also wrote to How in the name of the Colonies:  _ ‘What are the opinions of the other Colonies, have any of them shown signs of fellow betrayal, and are they mustering for similar campaigns?’ _ My logic being that their forces would greatly assist us. Now, sure, I knew of the Acolytes, but the Acolytes are not the Colonials. The Acolytes are a terrorist organization that taints whichever town or district they reside in.  _ Speaking of the Colonies and Colonials... _

After that scroll was done and sent, I wrote a new one to How. I had some questions.  _ ‘Where is Admiral Jee’s fleet? _ ’. The Admiral won the Fire Nation victories in various theaters before going on to be the hammer that broke the Osakan Rebels at the Siege of Osaka, before  _ then  _ going on to avenge the Western Fleet at Azure Harbor.  _ Granted, had the battle been put off a few geng, he would’ve gotten to the port and Chan’s offensive would’ve worked _ . 

Jee led some of the best crack naval veterans of the Hundred Year War from his flagship, the almost two-year old  _ Kyoshijima _ , the first of the  _ Kyoshijima _ -class aircraft carriers. Other models of her have been built. None have seen as much action as the one Jee commands. After running in with pirates and deserter Royal Fire Navy ships and even after taking explosions at the waterline, she still hasn’t sunk. Her aircraft are older models, but the pilots swear by them. She’s slowly growing a cult of personality.  _ The Kyoshijima, as hardy as Kyoshi Island _ . 

I asked How to ask Jee to sail to New Taku and assist with our campaign. Included in this was a question on the whereabouts of the Royal Fire Navy, since it’s best if the Fire Lord is forced to stay out of this conflict due to his personal… scuffle, let’s call it that, with the Northern Water Tribe.

Song’s warning stuck with me. Sure, the New Takuan force could’ve been  _ anywhere _ , but I wasn’t going to take that chance. We had a large force gathered here at Fanhui. We aren’t that far from where they were last spotted, only a few days in a straight line, and Song’s scroll is some two days old. I figured that that was enough reason for me to tighten security. I called in some attendants to help me get dressed into semi-formal clothes, a queue, and a  _ jian  _ at my side. Then I set out to go consult with the officers present about the matters at hand. 

“We have two hundred Mark Three Imperial Tanks, three hundred and fifty Mark Two Imperial Tanks, twenty Mark Three Imperial Strike Fighters, two hundred Mark Two Imperial Strike Fighters and one hundred Mark Two Imperial Artillery Trucks. They were supplied by-” I raised my hand. “Enough, Fengji. Enough.” The man put down his papers. I turned towards him and spoke as my good eye wandered from person to person. “I don’t want to hear which Division contributed how many vehicles, I don’t want to hear how  _ amazing  _ they’re going to be. I want security tightened.” 

One of the officers asked “Why, Your Majesty?” and I took my pointer stick and pointed at the local map on the wall. The regional one would have to wait until later. “We’re going to face an army soon.” One of these officers, no, not Guiren or Fengji, said “Your Majesty already fought an army. An army with thousands of riders.” I held the stick with both hands.  _ That’s where you’re wrong, unnamed, probably experienced officer. You’re probably experienced, just not in fighting the Colonies _ .  _ These are Colonials we are fighting _ .

I don’t think these people knew that I worked for months in the Colonies. “What I just fought was the throw-away army. The  _ daofei  _ raiders were uncoordinated and incompetent. No Colonial commander, traitor or loyal, would throw his best men into the fray immediately. He’d use militia, provincial forces, to try and hamper us. The  _ daofei  _ look for any excuse to loot and pillage and there’s millions of ostrich horses out there to mount them with. A fool can ride an ostrich horse. Only a trained man can wield it.”  _ And those men couldn’t use their mounts for battle _ .

A different officer asked “Why would the  _ daofei  _ converge then, Your Majesty? Our lands were stable.” I took my pointer stick and pointed at him, then at the map. “Because these weren’t normal  _ daofei _ . Many of them were fanatical Acolytes. They rallied the  _ daofei  _ under-” I stopped, I wanted to choose my words.  _ It makes sense. The daofei want to loot and pillage, the Lord of Gaoling wouldn’t care what land is looted and pillaged so long as it’s not his _ , “-a banner that permits any deeds. A banner that promises riches.” 

The first officer asked “Then where is the New Takuan Army, Your Majesty?” and I was forced to contemplate an answer. “Could be here. Could’ve gone around us. Could be at Muli by now.” “How strong are they?” this same man asked. I wasn’t going to lie to my officers. “ _I don’t know._ And _that’s_ -” I prodded the map “-the problem. We don’t know. That’s why we must be careful.” After saying this, I took a sip of water. 

“As we control the rail lines and highways from here-” I used the stick to point at the three rail lines and main roadway, all running through the Fanhui Wood and Fanhui itself, “-it is here that they would strike.” “Aren’t there other roads to our north and south, Your Majesty?” a third voice asked humbly. “There are, but they’re town roads. They’re small-” I was cut off by a headache. Song’s paraphrased advice of their training,  _ Colonials, trained in the Fire Nation,  _ was coming back to me. 

The Fire Nation is big on offensives. They like capitulating an enemy early. Strike enemy cities, enemy fortifications, enemy infrastructure, anything that lets them get the punch in. When your enemy can summon tens of thousands of men from nothing,  _ poof! They’re there _ , you need to know how to hit fast and hit hard. Mobility is also something they like, hit multiple targets, quickly, before the enemy gets a chance to recover. 

The best example I can think of is an example I lived through: Azure Harbor.  _ Those men screaming as the sea boiled from the oil spills still haunts my mind. How could anyone forget it?  _ We underestimated the Fire Nation’s capabilities and were paid for it with losing most of the Western Fleet at dock. They had less in numbers but more in quality. They were only stopped by our overwhelming numbers. More men and ships than all… twelve,  _ really, that few? _ ... of the Royal Fire Jets, the Lil’ Azulas, could bomb or torpedo. All it took was a dozen expert pilots and some bombs and that would’ve crippled our entire campaign had it not been for the Colonial Navy just to the north. The cruiser  _ Hakodate  _ and the  _ Kyoshijima _ and her planes.

I had the meeting stop “For a  _ fen _ ” to let me think. The officers accepted because they’re officers. I looked up at the map. There’s  _ one  _ major hub of all roads, major and minor and rail lines.  _ Us. _ Fanhui. The Fire Nation is tactically sound enough to use smaller roads, but it’s not in their nature to allow such a large target to go un-attacked. 

Admiral Kuzon, one of the last to serve under Sozin, invented a ‘Preemptive strike doctrine’ that worked time and time again due to the Fire Nation’s superior quality and the various Earth forces’ sluggish army sizes. 

I took the stick again. “We must fortify Fanhui. Prepare for the New Takuan offensive, for when it comes.” An officer asked “What if it’s in a week, Your Majesty?” So I looked at him, but only for a  _ miao _ , and replied “Then we wait a week.” I pointed at the woods,  _ on the map _ . “I want anti-aircraft and anti-tank emplacements constructed along the path to Fanhui. We must ensure they do not reach the airfield or the city. I want our pilots ready to go at a moment’s notice.” 

Some officer, well meant, asked “Why? Does the New Takuan military even  _ have  _ an air detachment, Your Majesty?” I nodded, recalling Song’s wisdom. “They do. And that air detachment probably has bombers.”  _ I don’t know how large it is.  _ The officers looked to each other, then at once said “As Your Majesty commands!”. 

I slapped the map with my stick. “I  _ want  _ all defenses ready for this attack. It could be now. It could be soon. I want you all to try and draw the enemy towards us. Hidden defenses. We’re the Empire, we know how to pull enemies towards us.” The room answered in affirmatives once again. “After we have fought and defeated their army on our terms, we will move out for Gangxi. When that happens, I will join the carriages west and everyone will maintain how they got here. Aircraft fly, tanks and riders go by the rails, artillery stays here. Do I make myself-” I swung the stick around and pointed at one of these officers, “-understood?” Yet again, lots of “Yes, Your Majesty!”s as the room boomed.  _ Very good, men. Very good _ . 

I returned to my bedroom. It was some time after midday. I had the attendants help me retrieve the Imperial Pilot Uniform. I was going to wear it until they hit us.  _ I’m one of those scramble-able pilots, after all _ . I didn’t need their help to put it on,  _ that’s kind of the point with a uniform every soldier wears _ . I took the plans and thoughts I had come up with earlier and wanted to do something grander with them. So I took a scroll, some ink, a writing instrument, a ball of rice, four slices of turtle-duck meat, a whole pitcher of water and got to work. 

I wrote to Zhe Zhuang first. I told him to sail up to the coast and have scout aircraft coming and going at all times. I told him that  _ if  _ they spot the army’s movements, we won’t be going anywhere so it’s not us, they should engage and contact us as soon as possible. Preferably by biplane since that’s much faster. I also told him to send his cruisers up the Da Xijiang to blockade the crossing. If the New Takaun Army is here, they won’t be able to retreat. 

Since we’re at an airfield, rare for me, I had an idea. I summoned a courtier to then summon me whoever the commander of the Air Division was. Not much later, a man who I have faint remembrance of, Colonel Muneie, was at the door to my room. He kowtowed in greetings and I outright said “Can I give a pilot a scroll and have that pilot deliver it somewhere?” He nodded. “Of course Your Majesty. We use air-mail when possible.” Turns out I never knew of this. As said before, the reason is that I have no part in the sending or receiving of letters. I write them, read them, and act based on them. As such, I handed the scroll to him and had him summon his personal air courier,  _ because that’s a thing _ . I spoke to the man, he seemed quite competent if his genuine humility, grace, and social awkwardness were anything to go by, and had said courier take a floatplane “south to the coast, then east, you can’t miss the fleet.” 

I wrote to General How, again. I told him in advance of my plans to hold here and wait for them to come to us. After telling him of my plan, the strategic logic behind holding the choke point of Fanhui, I rolled the scroll up and handed it off to a personal attendant of mine. Soon after, Taishi knocked on the door, asked to enter, and was permitted to… because he’s Taishi and why would I refuse him?

“It’s a nice day out, you want to have tea outside?” I didn’t need to think long. “Sure.” I got up and made sure my pilot’s uniform was kept together. “You’re dressed quite informally for an Emperor,” he commented. I didn’t have any kind of witty response to that, so I didn’t. I led him out of my room and down the hallway. When I realized a possibly response, I asked him “And how many monarchs have you seen flying around?” “You, the Avatar, the Fire Lord.” 

I sighed. “Yes, but how many fly around on their own culture’s best equipment?” “The Avatar has a sky bison, that’s about as technologically advanced as they get, and the Fire Lord has a dragon. Dragons aren’t advanced but they’ll cut through steel.” “They didn’t get their method of transportation from technological innovation though,” I argued, trying to prove my point. “What’s your point?” I sighed. “I earned this padded outfit. I wasn’t born with it. I can dress as informally as I like because sky bisons and dragons will keep flying, a biplane could always just snap apart halfway through and crash.” “You mean like how I earned this gold armor by not dying and doing my job well?” I chuckled. “Yes, something like that.” 

We walked down the hall and out the building. I was joined by Zhu and Nan at some point along the way. The attendants offered many different places to take tea and lunch and I chose none of them. Instead, I found my spot as I walked outside and saw the aircraft hangar. “Where’s my personal biplane?” “In the Imperial Carriage, Your Majesty” one of the Imperial Guards following me said. “I want it in a hangar.” “Why?” the Lieutenant wondered out loud. “Because I’m wearing a pilot’s uniform. If and when they attack, I want to take the fight to them. I want it…” I trailed off as I looked around. 

I found myself adjacent to the taxiway. Looking north, hangars. Looking south, hangars. A very long row of hangars.  _ Because this is the one main taxiway _ . There’s three runways, one next to us, two others parallel but running in a northeast-southwest direction for wind purposes. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the large anti-aircraft position, but I took a liking to one hangar in particular. “I want my aircraft parked under  _ that  _ hangar, the one with the anti-aircraft men on top” and pointed at the hangar. The Imperial Guards departed to go do that. “I’m also going to take tea up there.” The attendants nodded. Faster than it took for me to cross the distance, the attendants had managed to grab a table and a set of dishes and carry it up the stairs on the backside of the hangar. I followed them up soon after. 

The three of us sat down to tea as the Sun transitioned us from early to mid afternoon. Nan was granted some slices of meat to eat and was satiated quickly. Afterwards, he sat on my feet and licked my leggings. Tea was served to us. “Why the desire to sit up here and enjoy tea?” I rhetorically asked. “It’s a nice place to have tea,” the Lieutenant responded. He wasn’t wrong. It  _ was  _ nice. Two stories above the ground, a good field-of-view, a light eastern breeze.

We first, as always, called a toast to Her Imperial Majesty, as one would. Then we sipped our tea. A good local blend of local tea leaves. Sensing more to this than just ‘I want to go have tea’, I asked “Anything on your minds?” Zhu spoke up. “I’ll be sure to tell my father I’ve seen enough of the marshlands.” On the other hand, we have Taishi, being sarcastic. “I think we didn’t see it enough. We should’ve seen more of it.” And also, here’s me. “I saw enough of it and I’ve got one eye.” 

“If you had it hard, what do you think Her Imperial Majesty would think, considering you  _ still  _ bear her mark on your neck?”  _ Taishi, remind me to have you stop asking these things _ . “I think she’d greatly enjoy the scent. She always enjoyed the smell of musky sweaty spruce moss.” I then tried not to blush when thinking of that… comment. “I saw that,” the Lieutenant said. Zhu offered a smile in return. 

“That’s going to be your choice of soap for your marriage night, isn’t it?” Taishi offered me a wink and a nudge. Zhu offered some consoling advice. “Nothing wrong with admitting the truth. My father would probably say that love is quite powerful, except against axes, swords, spears, crossbows, bows, ballistas, water, earth, fire, and lightning bending.” “That it is. As long as you don’t challenge it.”  _ Excuse me, what, Taishi?  _ “Taishi, since when have you started being an expert on all this?” 

“I’m not an expert, I just listen to the nobles espouse poetry about how lovingly in love they lovingly love one another.” In a joking tone, I said “Watch it, Zhu had to  _ learn  _ that poetry to become a proper  _ yunjiwei _ , right my  _ yunjiwei _ ?” and I offered him a chuckle. He sighed. “That’s true. I had to learn how to court a lady. And I intend to.” I was only half-joking when I said “And there’s  _ nothing  _ wrong with courting ladies, don’t let Taishi fill your head with Lower Ringer nonsense.” “So says the man who claims to be a peasant,” Taishi pointed out. I raised my hands defensively, as if I had to defend my case. “I  _ tried  _ to learn poetry, too.” Then I took another sip of my tea. 

“Wait, wait, you’re telling me Her Imperial Majesty _actually_ likes poetry?” _and there goes the tea. I hope you enjoy tea, roof of building_. “No… she _might_ like singing.” Zhu offered another humble smile and a very ‘I need to know’ question. “Any poems you’re going to sing to Her Imperial Majesty?” “Not poems.” _Okay now I’m blushing, thank you Zhu._ “Ah! Look! Look!” Taishi spoke loudly and pointed at my cheeks. “He’s going to.” I became stone-faced, not that happy at these two doing this, but not sad either since they’re friends, and this is what friends do. We just don’t have this often in the formal Empire. Zhu, not Taishi, asked “Well, what are you going to sing?” I thought about it. _Am I really going to tell them? Am I?_ I coughed, then politely pleaded “Promise you won’t tell your friends?” 

Taishi went first. “I’m a member of the Imperial Metalbending Guard. We are trained to hold true to our monarch’s commands until the bitter end. I’ll keep the promise.” Zhu went second. “I won’t say I’m a man of honor because if I do, I’ll end up breaking that honor. I’m Ju-Jun and I help you change into your armor, sometimes” and he tipped his head to the side and smiled. I took a sip of tea now and downed it before my next line, should a joke be made of it. 

“Zhu, seeing me naked doesn’t mean you’re good at promises.” “Oh?” he replied, suspiciously, “What’s your proof?” I gestured to my side, where a woman would normally be standing, except she wasn’t. “The women that attend to me, the ones that absolutely cannot stop throwing compliments at me.” Taishi raised his finger. “Perhaps get a massive body scar to mutilate you? That could work.” Ignoring the humor of such a situation, I shook my head.  _ It wouldn’t work.  _ “My feet already have a bunch, as do my arms. The folktales say the more scars you have, the more… attractive, you look towards women.” 

“Do you think you have attractive scars?” Taishi sarcastically asked. I groaned at the very thought. “No. My feet are more leather than scars.” “I’ve read those folktales. Do you stand around and brood about your scarred past?” and Zhu pulled on his short beard, acting like some profound scholar. “ _ No, Zhu _ . I have an Empire to help run.” “Do you muse about the meaning of life while contemplating how awesome you are for having those scars?” “No, I have an Empire to run. Why would I do that?” I didn’t think his question through. Had I, I would’ve known Zhu’s response. “That’s what many of the stories say the hero does. He broods and acts angsty and full of angst and-” Zhu made his voice high pitched, “-oh the trauma!”

Instead of challenging him on the folktales, I challenged him on reality. “Since  _ when  _ am I the ‘hero’ of anything? I’m the Imperial Consort and a peasant from some island somewhere. Wouldn’t those same folktales feature the Avatar as the hero?” Zhu bowed his head. “Normally, yes.” 

Taishi slapped the table a few times in ‘ooh’ anticipation. “You! Have you read the writings the Dai Li authors have written of you?”  _ What? Me?  _ “What Dai Li authors? What writing?” Zhu and I both looked at  _ him  _ with anticipation. “There’s this really popular story that some Dai Li author wrote about you and Her Imperial Majesty. It was called ‘The Epic Journeys of the Empress and Emperor’ and featured the two of you as the main characters!”  _ That seems really stupid _ . “How would… no… no…” 

_ I really, really, thought what he was saying through _ , “...is this one of those stories where the two of us do very uncourtly things?” I raised my eyebrow and hoped I wouldn’t hear what I knew it would be. “Oh, it’s very… romance… oriented, yes. Apparently, according to the fiction, you and Her Imperial Majesty absolutely love-” I interrupted him “-I’m going with grown up intimacy.” “Yeah… that. It slowly escalates in romantic content, starting with kissing and slowly progressing to-” I interrupted him, again, “-I’m going to guess we both lose the clothes and start getting more inventive.” “Pretty much. You use your hand to-” I used my hand to slam the table and cut him off.

“I do not want to hear another word from your mouth.”  _ I need a whiskey _ . Zhu, being nicer than I, asked Taishi “Why is it circulating? Isn’t such discussion forbidden in Ba Sing Se?” “Because it’s popular and the writer’s mind was concerned with one thing and one thing only.”  _ Of, course, it was.  _ “I should inform you Taishi, but that ‘thing’ is  _ beyond  _ out of character for Her Imperial Majesty and I.” “Doesn’t mean people can’t indulge, does it?” I groaned. I leaned back and groaned.  _ Oh, people don’t care about being in character. Besides, reality is unrealistic. I’m recording words, but these rarely go into the details on all the stuttering or ‘uhh’ing that occur. Lots of long pauses are recorded, though. _

To try and help me out, Taishi changed the subject.  _ A bit. _ “It’s okay. There’s an even more popular series about the Fire Lord.” I rolled my one good eye. “Yeah? What about Zuko? Does it cover the intimacy of his rulership?” “No, it features very little actual writing and most of it is repetitively telling you about how much he cares about honor. According to this writing, your fellow world leader would be absolutely  _ obsessed  _ with reclaiming his honor. In these tales, he gets into a bunch of different predicaments as Prince for some and as Fire Lord for others. Every single time, the people he meets he tells them about how important honor is. Then they try to get him to do something, or help them, and he pouts and rejects. By the end of the chapter, he either accepts or the other characters accept that they can’t change him. Sure enough, the arcs always resolve the exact same way. He learns to have friends.” 

I spat out my tea. “That’s the dumbest nonsense I’ve ever heard. Zuko,  _ Zuko _ , may care about his honor, but he is a  _ person _ . He has more concerns than just ‘honor’. Does  _ honor  _ win wars? Does honor win allies? And  _ friends _ ? And rulership?” I’m not the best of friends with the Fire Lord, but nobody deserves that. It’s… a disservice to anyone. “This author’s writing a parody of the Fire Lord.” Taishi defended this unnamed Dai Li agent. 

“Enough people think that’s his character.”  _ But... _ “That’s not...that’s so wrong. Do people realize that we are alive  _ all  _ day and all night and have more than just one personality trait to obsess over? Even as Prince, did he not have other priorities?” “People find it funny,” and Taishi shrugged. I squinted my good eye. “Who?” “Other Imperial Guards were laughing at it.” I sighed. “It sounds very predictable.” 

“It  _ is  _ predictable. Each story is exactly the same but that’s why they sell well.” “I could write about my personal records from Kyoshi Island and swap my name.” “Yours wouldn’t sell, people prefer simple and predictable over… Kyoshi Island.” I gave a humble head bow. “Kyoshi Island is indeed as crazy as people think it is.” “On the other hand, if you wrote a story about two world leaders sleeping together and how passionately violent their lovemaking was-” I knew where he was going, so I held up my hand and said. “Taishi. Be. Quiet.” “I’m just saying.” I slowly put my fist onto the table, stating “And I’m just acting.” “Fine. But  _ those  _ stories are what people want. Because they don’t get the chance to engage in such passionate-,” I cut him off. “Taishi.” “As Your Majesty wishes.” 

Zhu brought the subject back around while we downed our tea. “So, Your Majesty, what’s your choice of songs to sing to Her Imperial Majesty?” I squinted a ‘really?’ look. He nodded.  _ I won’t break him _ .  _ He’s Song’s son. I mean, I could try, and I probably will, but I won’t bother.  _ “They aren’t mine. They’re from Kyoshi Island.” “Sing one of them?” he asked all nicely,  _ and he meant it, too _ . I wasn’t going to let my cheeks get warm, but that didn’t stop the thought of it from happening. Then it happened. “I don’t know if I want to.” Taishi, clearly the expert on these matters, asked “Have you practiced singing?” Stupidly, I chose to be honest and say “Only in my shower.” Zhu, being far more enthusiastic than I’d expect, said “Go on, sing!” I sighed.  _ I might as well. I need real criticism.  _

I didn’t sing. I knew both songs, but I didn’t sing. “Attendant, go back to the Imperial Carriage and get me the ‘Hymns of a Homesick Warrior.’ It’s in my room, second drawer from the top. Large scroll.” “Yes, Your Majesty.” and the attendant ran off. “Just wait, okay.” The two of them looked at one another, then at me. “We’ll wait.” from Zhu. “I can’t wait to hear these ballads” from Taishi. And he was being genuine about it. We spent the next few  _ fen  _ drinking water and eating rice in peace. 

The Sun was probably about four  _ dian  _ from setting -time flies when you’re discussing courtship- when a different attendant returned and handed me a rolled up piece of parchment. I needed to only eye one line from the lyrics,  _ ‘I’ll never find another you _ ’, and I passed it to Taishi. He slowly ran his eyes down it and… by the end had tears in his eyes. He wiped his face down with a napkin. “This… this is not what I expected” and his voice choked up. 

Zhu took it and also read it. He too read it line by line and ended up with tears in his eyes. “This is beautiful.” he said, hoarse from the sudden choking on his voice. “ _ It’s beautiful. _ ” That lump in my throat, the guilt, stopped being there. Zhu wiped his eyes down. “Thank you both. I’m not a good singer-” I laughed to myself to try and lower the tension, “-but I know these hymns well enough to recite them from memory.” 

Taishi got up and gave me a very  _ hard  _ pat on the back. “Her Imperial Majesty may be made of the strongest earth, but if she  _ doesn’t  _ cry from this, I’d be amazed.” Zhu gave an agreeing head bow. “These songs are beautiful. Her Imperial Majesty will cry from them.”  _ This… might make me cry. Happy cry. _ “Thank you both. Really.”

This was cut off by Taishi suddenly pointing in the direction of the three  _ dian  _ from setting Sun and yelling “Your Majesty! Do you see those small dots flying towards us?!?” To which I followed his hand’s direction, tried to shield my good eye with my hand, and spotted what looked like a flock of dots. A large flock of dots. “Duck-geese?” Zhu asked, oblivious, while spinning around. I began saying, calmly, “They’re not flying in a flock formation. There’s too many of them…” but I was cut off by the horns sounding. 

Someone below us yelled “We’re under attack! Aircraft!” which caused people marching around to vary from dropping whatever cutlery they were carrying to increase their marching speed.  _ Now it made sense.  _ They were flying in a flock, but they weren’t  _ in  _ a flock. And they were flying with the Sun right behind them.  _ Tactical Fire Nation-based brilliance _ .

In a moment of action, I tapped Nan to get off, stood and ran up to the railing overlooking the grounds below us and yelled “Scramble all fighters! Scramble everyone! Go! Go!” before turning to Taishi and shouting “I need to get out there,  _ now _ .” He called for Nan so that the wolf-dog wouldn’t give chase to me and get caught up in all this.

As I ran down the stairs, I made my voice boom. 

“Now, men! It’s time to crush these bastards! For the Earth Empire! For the Earth Empress!” 

“Ten Thousand Years!” the airmen and Imperial Guards yelled as one grand reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time... the Emperor takes to the skies, and demonstrates why he's the second greatest pilot in the world.
> 
> -Chapter title, explained: Neutral Jing. Because they wait at Fanhui, they prepare for an attack  
> -I wanted to have the Seven Days Campaign be something spoken of in past tense as, one, it wasn't very necessary, (unlike somewhere like Fancun, where the march is important due to the environment, or upcoming chapters where the march is important to let the reader feel the passing of time) and two, Mori didn't have his recordbook until he reconnected with his monorail. He left it behind.  
> -A commonly deconstructed trope in my writing is the idea of a 'hero'. Mori is often called a hero, but how much of what he does is truly heroic? He often doesn't like being called all these titles he has (aside from 'Kyoshi') because he feels as they don't represent him.  
> -Is Mori a hero? This is a question everyone in the story who knows him has asked, or is still asking themselves. Including and especially Mori.   
> -All the while during 'Wacky Adventures', Admiral Jee has been up to his own adventures in the Mo Ce, fighting ships and winning battle after battle.  
> -The 'superstitions' and ship-reverence are based on how real ships that have survived many battles are treated. I think back to the 'Big E', the Enterprise carrier from the Second World War.   
> -Normally the characters are supposed to get surprised by the attackers, because Rule of Drama, but I can't see a bunch of military commanders going "we could be attacked, let's sit around and do nothing!"  
> -This chapter proves why communication and reconnaissance are key.   
> -Somewhere in all that talking of in-universe fanfiction is a bit of meta-commentary on fanfiction in general. Most of the discussion is just continuity with previous in-universe fanfiction discussions, though.  
> -The meta-commentary is Zuko. He's commonly written as one-dimensional and caring about nothing more than honor. Writers love taking this 'season 1 Zuko' concept, but nobody ever runs with it beyond "Zuko cares about his honor" again, and again, and again. The irony I find is that they have much more in common with the Ember Island Players than they think. Which, hey, I'm also writing some niche story nobody's ever going to read, so they're clearly doing something right if they're getting the popularity. But, hey, if you're reading this, then, this commentary on 'season 1 Zuko' and writers applies to the whole fandom, including myself. We all choose to make certain characters less or more developed than others, it's a writer's choice. I just wish there was a bit more creativity than just "Zuko cares about his honor."  
> -"Your Majesty! Do you see those small dots flying towards us?!?" I say this instead of "look over there" because I don't find the trope very realistic or applicable. Taishi would logically say what he sees.


	94. The King of the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor leads the aerial charge against the forces of New Taku

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty:

Green ants dressed in pilot’s outfits came pouring out of the barracks behind the hangars. Some were more put together than others. Some still had greasy mouths from lunch. Some had disheveled hair. Some weren’t wearing the right clothes. They’d dropped what they were doing to summon, and that’s commendable in it of itself. 

I joined them as we all funneled into the edges of the aircraft housing. My hangar had six biplanes sitting in it. Engineers were pulling out the wheel blocks, pilots were hopping into their vehicles and a sage was blessing all of us with “Ten Thousand Years! May the Earth Spirits protect you young men!”.

One of these people spotted me while I knelt by the  _ Azure King, time to get that check done _ , and yelled “It’s His Imperial Majesty!” which caused the entire hangar to turn towards me and cheer “It’s His Imperial Majesty!” at the same time. The engineer signed off that my favorite blue machine of war wasn’t going to split in two from any known causes, so I grabbed a pair of goggles and hopped in. “If I don’t die up there, I owe it to you, you brown-haired bastard.” The engineer smiled, he’d just been complimented by the Emperor after all. What he didn’t know was I was joking to try and get the pressure off.  _ I’ve got to take this and go into the sky… and not die _ . 

I gave the propeller-starter -a man dressed in engineer overalls- the signal, he pulled once,  _ fail, curses _ , he pulled twice,  _ success _ , and the engine fired up into a  _ whirr _ . Somewhere out there, someone stole my line and was yelling “Scramble all fighters!” while the other biplanes to my left and right  _ also  _ fired up. There was no squadron organization, there was no time!, everyone just grabbed their goggles and their sticks, and hit the paving stones. 

Okay, there was  _ one  _ piece of order. Only one. As I exited the hangar, some airman called out the Imperial Air Corps’ personal anthem. It’s about how everyone’s biplanes are going to crash and burn, which I figured wasn’t the most motivating.  _ ‘Higher, into the sky, us bastards are all gonna die!’  _ That said, the men on the sidelines laughed and cheered, since I guess signing up for the detachment with a one in two survival chance after each battle would make someone like that.  _ I would know. I’m in it _ .

In honor of me joining the rest of these crazies to take to the skies, someone called out “The Emperor’s Anthem.” 

_ ‘Higher, the king of the sky _

_ He's flying too fast and he's flying too high _

_ Higher, an eye for an eye _

_ The legend will never die’ _

This is the anthem the airmen have come up with for me. There’s more to it but that’s all I heard because my biplane exited the hangar and approached the taxiway. 

Ground control, men with torches, were waving my Green brothers and I to join the convoy of aircraft that were going north on the taxiway and south or two different southwests for takeoff. To our left, the flock of dots became real biplanes. Some of those biplanes were diving for the ground and dropping small black dots. Which exploded somewhere out to our west. Hard to see thanks to the Sun.  _ You genius ex-Colonials. Blind us _ .  _ This is what Song warned me of. And… well… I can only hope my preparations work. _ Don’t think I didn’t put my finger to my fake meteorite eye’s eyepatch and pray to the Spirits and Kyoshi to  _ ‘give us a few more miao to get to the skies. Please’. _

The emplacements around us opened up. Discs and full on surface-to-air rocks were sent flying. Others punched explosive stones out of the artillery. As they neared, I noticed that they were painted a very light blue-grey. When I say neared, I mean one of our disc-launchers hit a biplane, ripping its wing from it’s body and sent her body and pilot plummeting into a smashing death, the biplane crumbling like it was made of nothing as it collided with the ground.

The enemy biplanes came soaring overhead. I heard the shakes of explosions from somewhere out of sight. When I reached the axis of taxiways and runways, the torch man waved me onto the ‘farthest’ one, one of the two southwest-facing ones. I watched two aircraft to my sides takeoff, then I hit the throttle and gave a prayer to my Empress and my ancestor,  _ ‘Toph, I know you don’t care for the Spirits, but… if this Spirit stuff is all real and you do actually hold power, please, please, don’t let your kind-of-a boyfriend get turned into kind-of-a-paste. Kyoshi, I hope I can achieve a death that’s less disappointing than having a bomb fall on me and kill me _ . After this, I joined my Green brothers of the skies in the sensational feeling of pulling oneself off the bounds of the ground and becoming as light, and crashable, and pliable, as a feather.  _ A feather strapped with explosives _ .

I slowly pulled away from the terrain. I wanted to stay low and I was rewarded by flying further south than many others. On the other hand, in flying south, I neglected to see -but definitely heard- the sounds of bombs colliding with the ground and could do little more than pray that the Imperial anti-air machines were working. Artillery was hopefully turning the sky black with flak shells, discs launched in rapid succession to make the skies like a tumultuous wave, and surface-to-air rocks for the colliding effectiveness.

_Lean back,_ I pulled back and to the right and slowly spun around. All this time, when thinking about New Taku and ex-Colonials, I figured ‘I’ll just fly up there and blow them out of the sky’ while forgetting one thing. The clue ‘ _they’re trained in Fire Nation academies_.’ was my warning. Azure Harbor’s foes were my warning. Even Sozin’s Comet, and the first pilots in recorded history… what were they? As I came back towards the flock of grey dots swirling around the much larger-from-above airfield, I spotted that warning’s ignorance paying off… 

They can  _ firebend _ . Colonials can firebend. One of these grey dots punched a fireblast out the side, striking a Green aircraft. It hit the canvas and the biplane caught fire. The pilot had no time to react. The whole right half of his top wing, as canvas is very burnable, had burned off in no time at all. And the aircraft fell into an inescapable dive. A dive that smashed into the ground, killing the Green and his plane.  _ They can firebend _ . 

The Greens and the Greys became a bowl in the skies above the airbase and surrounding military base. Some of the Greys were flying towards said military base and some of  _ those  _ were able to drop bombs on warehouses. Warehouses that contained tanks, artillery pieces, maybe ostrich horses, and people. Lots and lots of people, considering our circumstances. And those bombs put large holes in them. 

_Focus_ , I told myself. Every time I tried to count the number of Grey aircraft, I lost track. There were too many to count. Again, _focus, keep focusing on the actual battle_. Our Greens kept pouring out of the hangars and a small line of Green aircraft ran along the taxiway. I had a choice in that moment: Join the bowl where firebenders exchange blasts with crossbows or hunt down specific fighters. I chose to hunt. 

One Grey broke off from the large bowl and was heading southeast towards the rail line that ran through the center of the base, the rail line that was currently in operation. Artillery was being fired from artillery trucks down there. Stone shells. Arm-sized stone shells. I banked right and gave chase. This pilot seemed obsessed with that station and was very slowly descending altitude towards it. I followed him, hitting the throttle to catch up. He came into my crossbow’s sights and  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ . Three trigger pulls. The back of his aircraft erupted into thick black smoke. Then the front half broke off the back and the two plunged towards the city.  _ Hit _ . 

As he struck the ground, I leaned back and screamed “I’ve done it!” to the skies. “You hear me Toph? All that gold you threw at Satoru! I’ve  _ done it _ ! I’ve done it Toph!” and I kissed my finger and put it to the eyepatch tightly tied around my fake eye. In the name of celebration, while screaming to the skies, I kicked my blue bird a bit  _ too  _ hard. She prefers being nicely  _ asked  _ to follow commands. She leaned forward like she wanted to take a sip of the dirt. I pulled back, since  _ that’s for later, or rather hopefully never _ . I slowly banked right and turned around,  _ oh I love that this thing turns on a copper piece _ , and went back towards the large bowl.

The bowl was expanding. The aircraft in the middle of it were hit with an assortment of explosions,  _ so I’m not the first _ , and fire blasts. Two Greens collided one another thanks to one being on fire and the other being in poor timing. Elsewhere, one Green turned left instead of right and head-on rammed a Grey, the two’s remains falling towards the active anti-air. One of the Greys made a left and clipped the top of a Green biplane, cutting a large gash in the two wooden aircraft. The Green flipped over and over, the Grey pilot, an ant, fell out of the missing floorboard. It’s okay, though, he landed on top of a Green biplane. Meanwhile, his Grey biplane fell like a wooden bomb onto another Grey one and… well all I can say is it was pretty ugly.

The bowl was becoming a real wolf-dogfighting bowl. Everyone had, without any communications between them, decided to collectively start turning right. I’ll guess it’s because turning left meant head-on collisions. It’s a self-justifying loop. Everyone was following someone else, who was following someone else, who was following someone else, who was following someone else. 

That’s when more of the Grey dots came from the west. Far more. The reports were wrong. “That’s more than a dozen, Song,” I yelled out towards the west. No,  _ ha _ , no, of course not. Lao Beifong, the deceptively genius rat-snake, known for buying children for a pouch of gold, made a good deal. As I should’ve expected him to.  _ He can’t buy a massive army? So he doesn’t.  _ He invested in aviation.

That’s the reason a hundred more Grey birds came from the low western Sun. That’s why a hundred Grey birds with a hundred firebenders were coming.  _ It’s like a hunt. With at least a hundred twenty deadly duck-geese who can spit fire at you. Which is good. Very good.  _ I’m glad I can’t count, or I might get depressed.  _ No wait, that Grey plane just dropped a bomb on a house. Depression over. Let’s kill them all _ . “Punch it!” I punched it. And the engine obliged _ ,  _ happily.

I had no chance to enter the bowl. Nor did I especially want to at that moment, as I was considering the survival rate and…  _ I’m fragile _ . I did the second best thing. I flanked the bowl to the side. I didn’t sharply turn inwards, I retained my distance. As the Empress would wisely advise, for fighting is what she is best at, I waited for my opportunity to come.  _ Can’t do much listening with this roaring engine _ .

And it did. One Grey was busy punching a Green to notice he was leaving the bowl. All I needed to do was give my machine a nice little nudge and he came right into my sights.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk.  _ His tail was ripped off from the bolt’s strike. He tried to jump out, the smart lad, and try to fire-jet his way to safety. That’s when the Imperial Army’s greatest virtue kicked,  _ er _ , punched in. He was blown to pieces by one of five explosive stone shells sent his way. 

Like a  _ jian  _ in swing, my sights swung around until I found myself facing the bowl. From the wrong direction. Like a meteorite  _ jian  _ in swing, my crossbow didn’t care. If our Empire’s semi-divine toe-picking monarch doesn’t care about decorum or rules, why should I? I  _ charged  _ this one Grey bird and the Grey bird, reacting as you would when a tall auburn haired lunatic and his bright blue plane charges you, tried to pull out.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . The top wing was punched in two and he joined his friends in an unceremonious tumble towards the airfield. 

A small flock of four Grey birds decided that they wanted to get plucked out of the sky over the great temple-town of Fanhui. They broke off and flew east. A few Green birds  _ almost  _ gave chase, only for them to probably realize  _ they can’t do much unless they’ve got one of these.  _ For emphasis, I tapped my crossbow. 

The earthen artillery pieces opened up, splitting the fearsome foursome flock into the idiotic individuals with earth discs propelled as high as punchably possible, and surface-to-air rocks that are surprisingly fast but also quite visible to anyone with two eyes. One such pilot dropped his payload on a very destructible military warehouse, probably filled with artillery. Another two reformed and went straight west. Another went south, towards the distant West Lake. 

_What would Toph do?_ In a momentary conclusion, I went after the two of them, because if the Empress can face off against a hundred people at once and crush them with the power of stones, me and my crossbow can do something similar. So I did. I remembered how to speak to His Highness, the Wielder of the Mandate of Adorableness, and politely asked my biplane to comply with speeding up. As it turns out, that, and focus, probably focus, did it.

The temple-town isn’t named after Fanhui being a town. It’s named after the really large temple located in the middle of it. The building has its own courtyard and everything. And in that courtyard, anti-aircraft artillery trucks. One of the pilots dropped one of his bombs on a densely populated slum, ignoring the large military complex nearby that would be a better use of such. 

Because that war crime needed a left turn, he made a right turn to join back up with his friend. As he did so, he came into my sights -I was going straight, he was not- and  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ . I missed because I punched them too early. So I gave chase. A few  _ miao  _ -felt like much more- later, opportunity arose when he and the other pilot were switching spots.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . I hit the aircraft once on the right, now on the left, and blew his side right off. 

The surviving aircraft flew against the temple. I questioned whether I wanted to waste my bolts on someone too far away or if I wanted to try and save the twelve-story megalith. I started banking right.  _ He’s too far _ . I couldn’t intervene. I heard an explosion. As I turned, I looked left to see what happened. His second bomb struck the main road leading to the building, probably annihilating whatever defensive position was erected there. 

I saw the artillery pieces strike the aircraft. One regular shell punched a hole right through his left wing. That wasn’t enough. He descended, descended, and flew straight into the great building. As I’m sure will go down in history, the building held its ground against a direct hit from a high-speed biplane while the biplane crumbled into a ball and crashed into the ground.  _ How… disappointing for him _ . I’m sure the Sages will say the Spirits intervened. If they were that interested, they’d be helping out to the west.

To the very west, the ground was riddled with smoke plumes.  _ Are there more Greys than before or am I finally falling victim to Midnight Sun Madness in the middle of the temperate equatorial Weinan?  _ With more Grey biplanes came more Greens being scrambled. The Greens were putting up one… interesting… resistance. I and most of the living pilots often joke about the Imperial Air Corps’ one in two survival rate and these people were demonstrating it… oh they were demonstrating it quite well.

Some Greens were crashing into Greys, hopefully on accident. Some Greens were pulling Greys out of the fight since the ‘no retreat’ command can’t work when you can’t hear anyone and thus they’re free to retreat off in whatever direction they please. Some of those Greens pulled Greys far enough out that our overkill amount of drunks manning artillery pieces could maybe score a hit. And one of them did. A surface-to-air rock.  _ Ever seen a fly get crushed by a mountain? _ That’s what it looked like. 

Some Greens had crossbows like me. One pilot properly executed a loop and blew up his confused pursuer before properly executing a crash as he flew into, thankfully, another Grey who was chasing a Green who was chasing the dead Grey who was chasing him. Another Green tried spinning to counter a fireblast. It worked… only for him to crash into a hangar. One Green was getting faster and faster, he hit a Grey with his bolts and he hit another Grey with his bolts and… that’s it. He was just a smart man who didn’t crash into anything and die. He was able to avoid their blasts with some quick maneuvering.  _ See, ‘Histories’? Just because I’m the Emperor doesn’t mean I’m constantly better than the other pilots. I have more experience, but I can’t fight twenty aircraft at once _ .

Back near the bowl, I picked a new piece of prey,  _ aggressive prey is the best kind to hunt, just ask the men of Xishan _ , in the form of a Grey-chasing Green being chased by another Grey. The lead Grey punched a blast backwards and it missed both pursuers. I lowered myself - _ gently but not too gently. We want to win after all _ \- behind the trailing Grey. The trailing Grey punched a blast at me, I did something  _ really  _ stupid in lowering myself towards the ground. 

But, as Toph once said while wrestling me, “It’s not about what you can do, you nonbender, it’s about what your best earthbender ever opponent  _ can’t  _ do.” And she was right. I can’t earthbend, but I can be inventive. There’s no ethics-breaking laws in piloting like there is in wrestling your betrothed, which allowed me to pull back on the throttle, lock this Grey in my sights, and  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ . The bottom part of his plane became a cloud. Then the bottom part of his plane ceased to exist and he fell towards the grassy field below us.

I swerved around and back towards the bowl. Greys were exiting and entering, punching blasts towards the circling blob of Greens. Some Greens were getting success in hitting back. One Grey was struck by a bolt, had his wing removed, and spun out of control off towards the ground. One Grey punched a blast that hit a fellow Grey. This time, I sensed opportunity so I charged towards the bowl. 

As I did before, I opted to break all concepts of warfare to fly in the ‘wrong’ direction and as such had many possible targets to choose from. The Greys were circling correctly which meant they didn’t see me coming. I came level-on to one string of aircraft, there were many strings of aircraft flying at different elevations and occasionally intersecting, and thought ‘I’ll just hit the trigger as they round the bend’. Instead of aiming for the man directly in front of me, I went for the one who would be turning soon.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . I missed. As I’d lost my chance, I hit the  _ thunk _ once in a strafe and pulled back to avoid colliding with the outer wing of this ball. 

I had neglected to remember that being a bright blue aircraft wasn’t the most tactically sound decision. I pulled five, or maybe six, Greys out of the bowl and after this giant sign of a target. They gave chase. In all reality, I should be scared, _ right? _ Six men on my tail, all of whom can firebend. And my weapon only works when pointing forward.  _ Nope _ . Their aircraft is either the same as mine or a similar model. I’m not a better pilot,  _ I can’t do crazy backflips _ , but as long as I  _ slowly  _ string them along, I’ll be pulling them out of the death bowl. And so I did. I made a slow left bank, hoped beyond hope that nobody was about to come along with a flanking maneuver that would end me right then and then, and hit the throttle southwards. My plan was to lead them out to the coast, then swing around and fly back. 

Slow speed chases aren’t the most entertaining things to record, I know. And I couldn’t turn around and  _ watch  _ them chasing me, piloting requires an intense focus. I just flew forward, went a little bit upwards, and forward. Forward, up, forward. Slowly going up -thank you crossbow sights, thank you lake-based clouds being higher than I am- would help me get more of an overview as long as nobody attacked me from the right. The city to the left became rural farmland. The woods to the right stayed woods. I have no clue what was below me, as I couldn’t look down. I know that a couple  _ fen  _ passed when I finally reached the coastline. 

I started the turn left and then and only then could I turn my head slightly and see that four out of the five or six were still following me, sometimes punching blasts at me. Fire isn’t known to be the longest range of weaponry. Not like torsion crossbows. Fireballs dissipate unless in very close proximity,  _ like death bowls _ . But because I was turning, that meant I was no longer, let’s say, a thousand Consort’s feet in front of them. I was less than that. And I knew it when I made the turn, looked left, and noticed they were approaching. 

So I punched ‘it’, so to speak, and dived for the ground. This was what made my altitude gain so helpful. I pressed the stick  _ gently _ and made my nose go down. Then I, in turn, went down. I have no idea what the enemy pilots were doing, I was busy trying to make sure I was descending fast enough to escape a fire blast but slow enough that I wouldn’t go into an uncontrollable dive.  _ I may fly a slightly superior model of biplane, but I can stall just the same. _

After _some_ amount of _miao_ later, I pulled back and made the biplane level out. I might’ve turned around to look but my hands started aching from all this. I could only take a hand off, flex it, and grit my teeth. _The cold…_ my hands were freezing from flying in altitude, with wind whipping me. _It’s that kind of wind-bit cold. The worst kind_ I progressed eastwards for some time until I spotted something so marvelous I almost, _no I did_ , cry. 

The _IEN Dongfang,_ down there, I’d recognize the giant ship from anywhere, hugging the coastline. The rest of her fleet looked like a painting of black lines on a blue canvas. She was belching out smoke. I didn’t see much else, but putting that and logic together would produce the conclusion that she was moving. I had no idea if they recognized my biplane. That just made what I was about to do that much stupider. _Let’s call this a military audit if I win and your execution if I lose, Zhe Zhuang_.

I banked right and dipped my nose towards the water. As I neared, I pulled back to level myself out. I had an idea, not the best of ideas, but an idea.  _ They don’t know I’m me, but I can prove that the people behind me are not me _ . I pulled back and started going up towards the dark blue-ning sky. I turned around for a split  _ miao  _ and watched one of the pilots behind me punch a fire blast my way. Did that do anything? I don’t know, I wasn’t watching.

I wasn’t going to wait around to find out if the gargantuan aircraft carrier heavy assault cruiser battleship was going to react. I turned back towards the faintly distant puffs of smoke that were mid-air impacts of explosives and aircraft and similarly faint flashes. From here they were just flashes. Men punching blasts of flame at others. Just flashes. Twinkling like stars. 

The approaching-sunset Sun,  _ two dian? One?  _ didn't help my trying to get back. Yet again, I went with the slow speed chase technique. I can’t just perform random maneuvers even  _ if  _ I’ve trained in this aircraft. I’d rather play it safe than play it dead.  _ Note, acting like Toph is not being reckless, it’s being creative. She may act reckless, but her earthbending and fighting style is very creative. She wins battles with her wits, those wits just conveniently equal great feats of earthbending and her style of fighting happens to seem quite reckless _ .

As I approached the bowl once again, the city beneath me opened up with artillery, gongs included for sound’s sake, against my pursuers. Or...I hoped they were aiming my pursuers. If it was meant for me, they’re terrible artillerists.  _ And also that’s illegal _ .  _ Not that they’ll know until it’s too late _ .

I reached the bowl and spotted a Grey turning one way while I was going the other. A nudge in the right direction,  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ , and I hard banked left to avoid drawing the attention of even more Greys. I hard banked so hard I spotted those Greys on my tail. They were… not continuing to chase me. They all decided to join the flying ball of death. I turned around and around and around and around,  _ two wings and spins on a copper piece, that’s great _ , until I spotted one of these Greys leaving to go do something brave. 

He climbed high into the sky, easily outranging our ground defenses and the Greens that were either still taking off -yes, really- or busy in the ball. I didn’t climb after him, I don’t want to stall and I’m not that good of a pilot. Instead, I watched him climb up, heel-turn, and dive towards one of our warehouses. I pulled back on my nose  _ a little bit _ , led this as I did the rest,  _ thunk, thunk, thunk…  _ and missed. Because I can’t make those kinds of calculations on the fly. Thankfully for me, one of the ground artillery pieces sent a shell flying right up at him and he ate it… in the face.

I pulled back and to the side and back towards the bowl. Greys chasing Greens and Greens chasing Greys. I managed to find  _ a  _ Grey to hunt and went after him. It’s hard to maintain contact when there’s a hundred other aircraft flying around in ten different circles all forming some kind of ball-like object. As such, I lost contact with him but found myself inside one of the rings of this ball.  _ No, by Kyoshi, no, I don’t want to be in here _ . So before I  _ really  _ fell into it, I dived down and out. I used the momentum of the dive -not a full dive, but a partial shallow one- to regain enough speed to pull back and escape whatever genius had spotted my blue aircraft and given chase. 

Up in the skies above the circling Greens and Greys, I  _ finally  _ was exactly where I wanted to be. Teo spoke of how flying takes ‘all space’ into account then gave some technical terms I didn’t fully understand. I did understand that I’d be less likely to get hit by a fireball if I dived at them and pulled away in time. So, from my point on high, I could come down on this ball. I eyed one Grey, kept my plane pointing towards him, and dived. I led, and  _ thunk, thunk, thunk.  _ I hit him with the strafe, blowing a hole in the back of his aircraft. He tumbled forward, forward, and towards the ground.

Something  _ very  _ loud went  _ kaboom  _ and drew my attention towards the military base. A full-on fireworks display was in effect. That’s… the only way I can put it. Small objects were sent flying three hundred feet, if I had to guess, skywards. Explosives caused more explosives to go off. One of these errant pieces of something ripped a Green’s wing in two. If I had to guess, that was our storage depot for explosive projectiles.  _ It better not be the only one or I’m going to have many, many people’s heads _ . Anyways, it was a pretty spectacle. The shockwave from a bunch of  _ something  _ detonating at once… wasn’t as pretty.  _ Yeah, note to self, don’t store all the firework rocket jelly in one warehouse. _

I couldn’t let that spectacle distract me. I had wolf-dogfighting to partake in. To  _ win _ , rather. I pulled back on the stick to ascend. Even higher up, I really felt that cold air on my hands. I whispered that ‘this will  _ soon  _ be over.’ Not exactly true, not exactly false. ‘Soon’ isn’t the most reassuring. While hundreds and hundreds of feet above the rotating ball, I could get a good sight of part,  _ nothing to the right, sorry _ , of it. I spotted a flock of Greys leaving the ball and took  _ that  _ as my time to strike. I banked and twisted to the side to turn around while maintaining control of my stick. I found myself above and behind the flock of Grey birds. The Grey birds didn’t see it coming. 

I got the last man into my sights. I pulled back a bit to adjust for distance then hit it.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ .  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ .  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . My sights showed he was hit and was falling to pieces. I tipped back  _ just a little bit _ and found the, I think he’s the number three man, located opposite the number two man. Number three lead number four. Number three didn’t see number four get hit. Number three didn’t hear the  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ or see his aircraft get cut in two by explosive crossbow bolts. 

Number two and number one were making a left turn and I was fast approaching them. I pulled back even further so as to keep them within my sights and not overshoot them. My engine  _ whirred  _ in happiness. I got the wingman in my sights,  _ thunk, thunk, thunk,  _ and blew him apart. This left the squadron leader. The squadron leader was observant of his ally getting blown up from nothing. He dropped his bomb pair on a small military outpost below us, banked, twisted, and dodged the ground-based anti-aircraft. Then he twisted himself enough to spin around and  _ loop  _ behind me. 

_ So you’re one of these experienced types. Interesting _ . He punched a fireblast at me, I banked right and dodged it. He got on my tail, I pulled back and turned so his blast had less of a chance of hitting. I dived, he pursued. I turned left, he cut the corner and went right for me, punching blasts along the way. I had to swap, constantly, between looking around to see where he was and look forward and see where I was… going. My quick turn reminded me that this biplane is quite agile. Not just this biplane,  _ this  _ biplane. It was built for me. 

So I outdid him. I banked and banked and turned and turned. Side to side. Side to side. Left to right, right to left, then back again. And again. All of this wasn’t as ‘fast’ as it seems, the turns were much more gradual, but considering we’re all flying the same model or similar, my turning is ‘much’ faster than his. I wasn’t checking if he was following me. I just kept twisting until I found him flying right past me, almost colliding mid-air. That’s when I pulled my trap. He tried to pull back to escape, I pulled back too, and being slightly more agile, I made the pull.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . Whoever this pilot was, he lost his head to a crossbow bolt tipped with  _ do-not-touch  _ blasting jelly. 

I went back to the bowl. Just because I killed some expert didn’t mean the battle was over. There looked to be a couple dozen birds in a circle. Not counting the ones flying across the city or chasing others across the city. One Grey left to strafe the airfield with his firebending. I caught him halfway across,  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ and strafed him. Sadly, the wreckage crashed into one of the hangars.  _ But it’s all wood so it’s probably fine. _ I found another Grey, he saw me and decided to charge me. As he regretted his decision, I led… and  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ . Right in the propeller. As I watched him fall to the ground, that’s when I noticed a fire blast that hit the hangar. It wasn’t from above us, it hit it side-on. I twisted my biplane a bit to the right and that’s when I saw my foes on the ground.

Tundra Tanks. Tanks painted in grey . A whole flock of tanks painted in grey. Some of them had catapults on their backs. Some had giant harpoons attached to crossbows. Some had ballista. Some were just Tundra Tanks. And they were crossing the field. As a formation. Formations, rather. Mimicking their skymen, they were found in formations of four with a ballista or catapult to be found on one of them. One of our biplanes was trying to take off and got hit by a catapult. I knew, by instinct, that our side wasn’t going to back down, nor were they weak.  _ We’re the Empire _ .

Our tanks came driving out from between the hangars. Our Imperial Tanks came in many flavors, almost all colored green, with the standard one having a metal tube sticking out, pointing ahead, on a swivelable turret. That tube can launch stone shells. Explosive stone shells. Pointy stone shells.  _ Who cares,  _ stone shells. One of our Green tanks punched a shell at the front track of an enemy tank, blowing it off and causing the vehicle to fall to the side. Another launched a shell that struck the enemy tank in the turret, but did nothing. 

We also had artillery shelling the oncoming wave, and of course, we’re the Earth Empire. Men ran out and pulled earth spikes up. Some tanks were impaled near immediately thanks to the pointiness of the spikes. Some had their tracks blown off with earth columns. Some tanks didn’t seem to care about the annoying dirt people and retaliated as they wish. One poor earthbender ate a whole ballista to the head.

I had flown past most of this. I looked at the bomb safety covers and knew what I was going to do. Or… try to accomplish. I flew out west, towards the low orange Sun. On the way, I distracted myself to pick off one more Grey bird with an attack from below.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . As he plummeted towards the ground, I turned around and got a nice long look at what I was going to be attacking. 

A few formations of tanks. Not nearly as many as they seemed. They weren’t airfield-spanning-wide and they seemed to be in a gigantic wedge.  _ So...a few dozen in total?  _ That’s still far more than most people have dealt with. And it made my oncoming contemplation all the harder.  _ Where do I strike them?  _ I thought about it while involuntarily banking right -south is away from the large bowl of death- and I ended up resorting to thinking of what Toph would do because she may not be able to fly, but she’s quick. 

_ “Do you think I think about which of the daofei I’m going to punch first? You think I can come up with all of that in a moment? No. I know who I’m going to attack, I’m aware of everyone else, and then I let things come as they come. I hit the first man with an earth pillar and the rest attack so I build an earth wall around me then start punching chunks of that wall at them. While some are stunned I single out the more light footed active ones and knock ‘em down. Maybe the rest of them flee. Easier for me” she cracked her wrists, “Maybe some get defensive and some attack. I have my priority to knock out the attackers first. So I hit the man with the earth pillar and the two decided to attack.” She rolled her hands to show the progression of the battle. “One gets my left pillar, one might get a rift to the foot to imbalance him. Like that, I’ve sorted out the battle. And none of it’s planned. Never planned.” _

I turned around from the bank and came south-on the tank columns. Our side was engaging with artillery and tanks and earthbenders. One artillery truck launched a shell directly at an enemy tank and likely turned all the occupants inside into scrambled clay. One of our tanks punched a shell at an enemy’s turret. It looked like it did nothing but the enemy tank stopped. Some of our tanks were rotating to make best use of their maneuverability. For the enemy’s part, one catapult stone bounced off the top of one of ours. A ballista stuck itself almost completely inside one of the tanks. Meanwhile, a firebender tank was rapidly driving along the roads, punching fire blasts into each hangar. 

I found a specific semi-blob of six or seven tanks. They were gathering,  _ note, no specific word for it _ , to destroy two tanks defending an ‘alleyway’ between the hangars. This semi-blob was the perfect target. I pulled back on the stick and started ascending towards the darkening sky. I went up for about twenty, twenty-five  _ miao _ , I counted each one, before slowly dipping my nose forward and going from ascending to leveled out and from leveled out to  _ diving _ . I used my crossbow sights as a marker as I lined the middle of this seven tank kind-of-a-formation up. 

_Unhook safety button._ I unhooked it, it snapped off, and flew into my chest. _Good to see the safety measures are still there._ _Press the button._ I pressed the button and felt _something_ pinch on my finger which made me give off an unprofessional howl in pain. I hit it twice. I pulled back as fast as I could. I looked back while pretending my finger was okay and spotted a large _boom_ as my bomb hit the formation. The formation became a cloud. _Yes! Go Imperial engineering!_ Meanwhile, I bit my lips trying not to scream about how my finger felt. Then I screamed anyways.

The adrenaline that was needed for victory kicked in. I flew over Fanhui. The city was pockmarked with smoldering buildings, assuming those buildings weren’t just rubble. I turned around using the Temple as a landmark to guide me by. I flew back towards the bowl of death and the tanks. A quick call showed I spotted a small group of three, maybe four, tanks off to the north. One had a ballista and just launched it. This time, instead of the large amount of climbing and diving, I went for a standard bombing. 

_ Unhook safety button two.  _ I unhooked it, only  _ part  _ of the hinge broke, leaving the piece of metal to dangle over air.  _ Press button two.  _ I hit the button, this time it worked and I heard the clicking sound. And my finger wasn’t… pinched. Within a few  _ miao _ , I heard the loud explosion that signified  _ something  _ happened. I looked back, not hard to do in a left turn, and spotted the dust cloud kicked up from what I  _ think  _ was a tank except in four pieces.

I was out of bombs but the battle wasn’t over. The Sun was now approaching the final few  _ fen  _ of the day. It felt brighter than before. It was a pungent orange, a distracting orange. A distracting orange circle. A single tank could cast a shadow that’d run over to the hangars. Up in the sky, I went for the bowl once again. Except it wasn’t as much of a bowl anymore. The ground was littered with wrecked aircraft and the survivors were now chasing others around and trying to either charge the others or catch one another off-guard from above or below. 

I ended up in one such chase. A Grey was on my tail and I was on a Grey’s tail. The Grey I was chasing was chasing a Green. The Green swerved, the Grey overbound too far and had to bank too late. As he turned a dramatic left, my sights were waiting.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . I missed it. I got on his tail again. He punched the Green ahead of him, the Green tipped his wings from side-to-side, dodging the blast. 

Now that I was directly behind him, I didn’t even need to lead the aim. Just  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ . He was hit in the midsection and I watched his tail snap off and take flight elsewhere. The Grey on my tail tried to punch a blast at me. I swerved left and he began chasing me. I was going to spend the rest of the afternoon, all five  _ fen  _ of it, letting him follow me over to Fanhui but my dreams were cut short. Someone came swooping in with a mounted crossbow of their own and hit the biplane twice. Once in his wing and once in his centersection.  _ I suppose it makes sense. Aircraft means anyone can come from anywhere, and Greens will want to help the Azure King.  _ This freed me up.

I recalled Teo and the whole ‘use the crossbow to blow up the tank models’ technique. I began on a path to do just that but was caught up in watching others instead. Namely, a flock of birds coming from the south. A flock of twelve dots. These dots, unlike the last flock I saw, didn’t take to bombing us. They came in low, their Green paint reflecting the last rays of the day wonderfully, and strafed the entire enemy tank line at the same time.  _ So. Many. Explosions.  _ Small explosions. Not every tank was hit, but most were. Not every hit is a kill, but most are an incapacitation. 

So I settled to rout, or even better, finish off the Grey birds. I pulled back and spotted a Grey chasing a Green. I went higher and higher into the sky until this Grey, too, fell into my sights. Then, it was a simple  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ clamp of the trigger thrice and the front of the Grey aircraft shattered into a few pieces.  _ Go Imperial engineering! _ I caught the attention of a Grey, a Grey who found himself some distance behind me and was interested in punching me to death. With flames. I couldn’t go too far in one direction or the other so I dived back towards the ground. 

As I did, I spotted yet another Grey chasing a Green. This Grey punched a blast at the Green setting the Green’s wings alight. Not a moment later, the top wing broke off from the bottom and the plane doubled over on itself. In the name of vengeance for this random unnamed fellow who I had an affinity for, I locked my sights on his killer and  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ . I missed it. So I tried it again.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . I hit him. 

The Grey who was coming towards me, but not near enough to cause any damage, was anticlimactically taken out by a passing light green-light blue colored team of four. I don’t know who killed him, but I saw his wreckage collide with the ground and the four airmen circle around. They were in a formation. A real formation. As one banked, the others followed suit. Not long after,  _ thank you left-facing turning circles _ , I spotted that they went towards the remnants of the ‘bowl.’ The ‘bowl’ wasn’t dwindling in size, it still stretched a thousand odd feet wide, but it was dwindling in numbers. Most of the Greys and many of the Greens had fallen.

Over at the remnants, these light green-light blues performed some coordinated maneuvers. A Grey spotted one of them and gave chase. The light blues,  _ henceforth they’re that _ , split into two groups of two. The Grey chased the ‘left’ group. Then  _ that  _ group split into two individual pilots. They performed a choreographed dance scene, making the Grey choose between chasing one or the other. The two light blues intersected and broke apart like a weaver weaving a loom. They’d fly ‘apart’, converge once again, pass by the other, then repeat. The Grey had to chase one, so he did. The one he didn’t chase slowed down and hit him with a crossbow just before he reached the intersection point. 

I was amazed by this. This… _efficiency._ This _quality_. Teo would be proud. Sadly, it couldn’t last. I felt the intense searing pain return… _It burns. Whatever happened… these mechanisms… pressing my finger into a gap and twisting too quickly… it burns._ I looked at the ground and saw the amount of wrecked biplanes down there, blown out of the sky above this airfield alone. I saw the city aflame. I saw the tank battle raging. _I’m ending this_. _I can’t quite yet_. 

The Greys saw the arrival of fresh airmen and started fleeing. One Grey escaped above the oncoming wave of airmen and singled me out as a target to charge. “So you want to charge? Go on then, let’s charge!” and I gave my engine a rub. “Right? We’re going to charge!” The engine  _ whirr _ ed in excitement. I took a deep breath,  _ I know my finger, it’ll only be a little bit longer _ .  _ Breathe. Breathe _ .  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . Three bolts. One hit him dead in the middle. The left portion of his wing broke off from the right portion and he fell into an unbreakable dive. 

Not long after I noticed  _ his  _ idiocy, I noticed a Grey and a Green off to my side partaking in the exact same thing. A swivel-glance revealed that the air was getting quite clear of biplanes, relatively speaking. I turned left to try and help my Green friend. My Green friend missed, I guess, and fled. The Grey tried to give chase. Since the Grey  _ had  _ to follow the Green, I lined up my aircraft on where the Green was going, turned a little bit, and clenched my trigger.  _ Thunk, thunk, thunk _ . Sure enough, one of the bolts hit him and made the back half of his aircraft snap off. 

The final wolf-dogfight kill of mine this day occurred just as the reddened Sun was dipping into the western horizon. This one Grey had dodged a surface-to-air rock and an anti-aircraft projectile. His friends were fleeing, but he was having none of it. He punched a fire blast  _ down  _ at the defenders. I was to his right, so he didn’t notice me. As he began turning, I began turning too. He ended up in my sights and didn’t realize it until it was too late.  _ If he did, he would’ve fled or punched back _ . 

I grabbed the trigger, howling in agony from the finger-pain, and  _ thunk, thunk, thunk _ . One of them hit and tore the bottom of his aircraft out. He jumped out, kicking his feet into fire jets since I guess that’s better than nothing. I flew past him, gave myself more enough space, turned back around, and put him in my sights. I grabbed the trigger and…  _ click.  _ I grabbed my trigger and…  _ click _ . I pinched it,  _ bad idea _ .  _ Click, click, click.  _ It was making this clicking noise, but nothing was happening.  _ Wait. Wait. Maybe I’m out of bolts? _ , I thought to myself.

While looking for  _ somewhere  _ to land, I got my final look at the city and the battle. Both because I  _ was  _ going to land, I  _ was  _ going to find a place to do it, and because the last fringe of the Sun itself was disappearing as I flew. Fanhui was ablaze with a hundred fires. Entire neighborhoods, the ones nearer to the airfield, were pummeled. One neighborhood was almost entirely ruined. The military base didn’t fare much better. The immeasurable number of warehouses would be quite measurable. Most had holes in their roofs. Some had collapsed in on themselves. Some were on fire. Lots of little ants were running about down by those warehouses. 

The airfield fared the worst of all. Many of the hangars were demolished. In two pieces. On fire. All three. Of the three runways only one had survived not getting bombed and  _ it  _ had three wrecks on it. Two biplanes and a tank. The rest of the field west of the hangars and going west for another half- _ fen  _ of flying revealed the true casualties of this. Dozens upon dozens of wrecked biplanes. I have no idea who was who,  _ it doesn’t matter, it’s a lot of both.  _ There might as well have been a biplane every fifty Consort’s feet. 

Meanwhile, the defensive platforms faced a variety of outcomes. The ones over by the rail line were left unscathed, likely a result of the quality of their training. The ones by the hangars either buckled in on the collapsing hangar bays, were partially on fire from strafing, or were left seemingly undamaged. Even the most undamaged one looked to be lacking a few people.  _ Firebender strafing is… incapacitating _ .

I’d recognize the glinting armor of the Imperial Guards anywhere. They were clearing off the wreckage with precise block moves, then smoothing the terrain out. Where were the enemy tanks to kill these loyal soldiers of the Badgermole Throne? The enemy tanks formed a small portion of wreckage near the taxiway. The ones that survived were being chased out of the airfield and surrounding land by the sallying Imperial Tanks. As always, we had numbers. And our numbers had driven them into a full-on rout. 

Back to the landing, once the Imperial Guards were done moving stuff out of the way, a pair of torchmen arrived. One was at the end of the runway, the ‘start’ if you are landing, and one was at the start of the runway, the axis, the ‘end’ if you are landing. I wasn’t alone in the skies. Even  _ if  _ our men faced a large number of casualties, it would be quite peculiar and illogical if I found myself the only pilot left. 

The torchmen began waving aircraft into landing. Our biplanes formed a large circle. After the fourth person landed, what seemed to happen was whoever the torchman was waving to up in the circle would then dive down and begin the patterning process. For context’s sake, I was number eight. I lowered myself from the circle, gritting my teeth and sighly sharply,  _ it’s soon, finger, don’t worry, it’s soon,  _ and began the two  _ fen  _ long process of landing. 

Descending, lining up the target, slowing down, all of that. The wheels hit the ground with a real  _ force  _ behind them. I  _ felt  _ that. My biplane, the  _ Azure King _ , landed like the rest of them.  _ Almost done finger. Almost done _ . The torchman led me down the now partially cleared taxiway,  _ thank you Imperial Guards _ , and right up to… a hangar. Somewhere. It wasn’t the same as the original, it was one of the ones that went unbombed. I brought my biplane to a complete and full stop and breathed a sigh of relief while wiping copious amounts of sweat from my head. 

Then I was celebrated  _ as  _ a hero. A bunch of airmen in pilot’s uniforms and Imperial Guard converged on this lonely hangar of mine -no other biplanes- to  _ pull  _ me out of my own pilot’s seat. One of those Imperial Guards was Taishi and he was joined by the happy woofing Nan and quiet smiling Zhu. Taishi and a few others grabbed a chair, placed my exhausted drooping self in it, then started parading me around. 

The airmen shouted, as one, “ _ Higher, the king of the sky _ ”, the rest cheered, and the Guards thrusted me upward. The airmen sang “ _ He's flying too fast and he's flying too high, _ ” the engineers and the others applauded it and I almost fell out of my chair. My pilot’s  _ jian  _ scabbard almost fell off. The airmen sang the next lyric, “ _ He's flying higher, an eye for an eye _ ”, and some of the engineers and crew chanted “The One-Eyed Badgermole!” and I was propelled up once more. The final lyric the airmen sang, “ _ The legend will never die _ ”, was repeated by the rest of the room. “The legend will never die! The legend will never die! Ten Thousand Years! The legend will never die!” 

I barely understood what was happening, clenching my finger and trying not to make an absolute fool of myself. Then I did. “Taishi, what’s going on?” In a very lighthearted tone, he said “Your Majesty saved the day!”  _ I saved the-... what?  _ “No I…” I didn’t even have the energy to argue. “Taishi. My finger.” I shivered from my other hand touching it. The cold of the sky had gotten to me… now that everything was over.  _ The cold. The air was so cold. Not the cold itself, the high wind.  _ “Your…” but he stopped when he saw me shaking.

Next thing I knew, I was in my bedroom in the Imperial Carriage. I was still in my uniform, my right hand was submerged in a small basin of water to the side of the bed. The woman was slowly unknotting the pain that was there. I wanted to yell. Not for my hand, no, I’ve lost an eye. I’ve been struck by lighting. This was,  _ psh,  _ nothing. I wanted to yell for all those Greens I saw fall. I wanted to yell for the city I saw in flames. Yell for all the incompetence in communication and scouting and…  _ everything _ . I wanted to yell and say “I told all of you” even if the officers never debated me to begin with. I  _ knew  _ something like this would happen and even I was taken aback by the firebenders. 

I didn’t do any of that. I lied back in my bed while my companions watched this woman slowly heal my finger. “It was broken, Your Majesty.”  _ From that stupid button. Because I twisted my finger and the metal cut into the skin… bad angle and all that _ . The middle-aged woman was graceful with her every touch. Many  _ fen  _ passed, I was fed water right into my mouth from her waterbending hands, and my finger finally felt… well not new, but it didn’t feel broken.

I had much to get to. Even while the waterbender worked on my hand, I was writing a scroll to General How to let him know of what just happened. I told him we encountered the New Takuan Army and we routed them. As for casualties, we lost a large number of aircraft, the headcount hadn’t yet returned. The officers were telling me that between the tanks and artillery, we lost a hundred and fifty pieces. For every one or two biplanes we lost, the enemy lost one. Maybe a hundred, maybe more, enemy aircraft were blown out of the sky. All in all, we, with certainly, lacked the same offensive potential from before and the men were exhausted.

But this,  _ this was to be the decisive battle _ . We smashed their larger-than-expected army thanks to planning and we came out on top. Our tanks pursued theirs into the night. If they even had a force of aircraft left, it was so diminished that it might as well be insignificant. We killed a few thousand New Taku soldiers. And these weren’t regular conscripts with sticks like in our armies. These were men -and women, judging by some of the bodies- who trained to fly and operate tanks. We  _ smashed  _ their elite troops. We lost a few hundred by comparison. A lot of aircraft, a lot of tanks, but only a few hundred. Sure, that’s still a lot of people… but in the Empire, it’s nothing.

And best of all, we  _ proved  _ that the Empire won’t be routed by them. To any onlooking peoples or Nations, this rebellion was almost entirely over.  _ Now, we need to handle their capital _ .

The next morning came and a scroll from How with it. The Empress has ordered us to march on New Taku. Specifically, she wanted the Lord of Gaoling’s head. I wrote back the following to How. 

_ “I never intended to stop” _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Song calls for aid. Others may not answer. Others are not the Emperor.
> 
> -Chapter title, explained: It's another one of my double-meaning ones: Mori flies the 'Azure King', making him the King of the Sky. In addition, it's a lyric from Sabaton's "The Red Baron".  
> -The song, the 'Emperor's Anthem', is the chorus from the same Sabaton song 'The Red Baron'.  
> -The Red Baron, all credit to Sabaton: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1snEYPg8TXs )  
> -Mori's plane, 'the Azure King', is an homage to the Red Baron.  
> -Mori's (and, if you want to count it, the rest of the present Imperials') ignorance/negligence in remembering the firebending Colonials can be chalked up to this type of combat being quite new. Up until this battle, every single aerial fight has been some sort of experiment (the early model biplanes, the Fire Jets) versus something conventicle (ships) or something else experimental (the airships). This is the first pitched battle between two groups of aircraft, the Fire Jets and their experimentality nonwithstanding.   
> -Real dogfighting took more than one encounter to become 'dogfighting'. Originally people waved, then shot pistols at one another.   
> -Dogfighting is like melee combat. All those stringent philosophies about precise posture or stances or perfect instances (granted, with dogfighting, it's less about posture and more about location) go flying out the window and are replaced with 'whatever people can do at the moment'. There are tactics at play, yes, but it's not as honorable as one may think.  
> -Oftentimes, writers forget that flying is three dimensional.   
> -The 'bowl' he refers to is a bowl that is sometimes seen in dogfighting. It's not actually a 'bowl', it's more like a sphere.  
> -I tried to maintain some of the realism of dogfighting, Mori doesn't really pull off any extraordinary feats. Basic dives aren't straight down, they're usually at 20-45 degrees.  
> -Mori's 'attack from above' is a real tactic many a Great War ace pilot used.  
> -The IEN Dongfang aircraft utilized the Thach Weave in one of the final dogfights of the day: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thach_Weave


	95. The Battle At Lutianzhen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor answers a call for aid.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty One:

“Your Majesty, we just suffered a close victory here” Sergeant General Xingguo and his tankist hat warned me. “And New Taku faced a decisive defeat,” I countered, pointing in the general direction of the city. “Were we not ordered to hold the line, Your Majesty?” one of the other officers asked. I took a deep breath and put my hand down on the map. “ _ We were ordered to take New Taku _ .”

“How could we possibly move out so soon after this, Your Majesty?” Muneie, the airman Colonel, probably still sweating from his time in the sky, asked me. I took another deep breath. “The Lord of Gaoling threw his whole into this.” “All he did was attack us with tanks and aircraft, Your Majesty,” some officer said. Some officer who hadn’t thought what he said through. 

I pointed at the officer who said this. “Those are his best men. We’re the Empire, we pull hundreds out of their homes and off their farms and hand them spears. We know full well it only takes a few days at most to teach someone to use a spear. It takes months to teach someone to operate a tank and a half-year to teach them to fly.” The Sergeant Generals were forced into accepting this, for they knew I was telling the truth. 

That didn’t stop them from countering with questions. A different officer asked the same question Muneie asked. “How could we move out soon, Your Majesty? Shouldn’t we wait a month?” I sighed. “Do we want to wait for the rebels to arm more tanks or more aircraft?” One of the Sergeant Generals almost spoke up, but I cut off his chances with my pointing stick. “Every day we wait-” I tapped the map with the stick, “-is a day this rebellion grows in size or strength.”  _ Every day lost is not regained. This is war _ .

Another officer I didn’t know asked “Why would the rebellion grow in size?”  _ You’re kidding me.  _ “Because it’s a rebellion and people will look for anything to have an excuse to go kill someone they don’t like.” Yet  _ another  _ officer asked “Is Her Imperial Majesty’s legitimacy not unquestioned?”  _ Did none of you hear the declaration of secession?  _ Just in case they didn’t, I reminded them that “This rebellion questions it.” “Nobody would question Her Imperial Majesty’s legitimacy” one of the younger officers said, full of pride in his monarch. The rest of the room, generally speaking, burst into cheers and applause and “Ten Thousand Years!”. They cheered so much that I had to stomp the ground with my large feet to get them to stop.

“Nobody would, but the former Lord of Gaoling did. The former Lord of Gaoling did and he gained an army for it. Now he doesn’t have that army.” I might’ve continued, but I felt the urge to grab something to drink so I sat down next to the large wall map and did just that. The rest of them would just have to wait for a few moments. 

In reality, I had enough. Discussing whether people would rebel against Toph was irrelevant.  _ No.  _ It was backwards. We already  _ had  _ the rebellion to contend with. Why discuss this?  _ Why are we even discussing if a rebellion could be… we already have the rebellion!  _ After I finished collecting myself and figuring out exactly what I wanted to say, I put my water-filled tea cup down and stood up. 

“This is the last I want to hear of whether a rebellion is justified or not. It isn’t, but it’s happening. The longer we wait, the better prepared the Lord of Gaoling will be for when we do arrive. I want to move out.” The quiet Fengji finally spoke up. “The arrangements can be made, Your Majesty.” “Then they will” and I took the stick and pointed at the regional map. “I want as much as can be loaded onto the rails to be loaded on. Priority goes to riders and tanks. We take the rail crossing at Taizhou, then west to Jimo, then southwest through Pohuai, then to Yantai, then to the closest possible point to the capital from Lushan. Do I make myself clear?” “Your Majesty does,” the Logistician spoke up.  _ That’s not good enough _ . 

“We take the rails and we smash New Taku. _ Do I make myself clear? _ ” The entire room erupted in “Yes, Your Majesty”s. I wasn’t going to let a smile pop out of my stern face, but inside I was content. “Very good. We leave before the last gleam of twilight has vanished. The men can rest on the trains.” 

I went back to my Imperial Carriage and in turn my private bedroom. I changed into more informal wear so I may go to sleep for the long trek ahead. I found yet more scrolls to respond to and opted to take dinner while reading through them. So I had dinner in my bedroom. Local roast turtle duck with rice. The healer came in to make sure that my finger worked, it did, I thanked her, and I could finally get to the scrolls. 

Vice Admiral Zhe Zhuang recorded and reported his perspective on what’s now being called the Battle Above Fanhui. He was warned of the fight when his scout aircraft spotted the large bowl above the Fanhui airbase. He scrambled all his fighters when I,  _ yes, really, I _ , came flying along the coast chased by a bunch of grey biplanes. Granted, he didn’t know it was me, it took a sailor to point out that the bright blue biplane belonged to the Emperor. His men then went north and assisted us with the ending of the battle. His naval pilots downed ten and lost none. 

After the battle, he had his fleet head west at high speed. He wrote to me as he approached the mouth of the Da Xijiang river. He requested new orders. Seeing as we were about to depart west and south, I ordered that he send a detachment of his fleet up the Da Xijiang to block any would-be-raiders while the rest of his fleet was to sail for the Mo Ce ‘as fast as possible’. I don’t know how long it would take by boat,  _ a week? Two? _ , to get to New Taku, but I  _ needed  _ that piece of this done early before we arrived at the staging ground. 

I received a scroll from How, telling me that a secondary force, mostly of infantry, will be amassed and sent west to reinforce what he calls ‘the vanguard’. I’m a vanguard, now. I’m going to vanguard strike New Taku. I’m ‘ _ the spearpoint that will go through all until you reach the outskirts of New Taku _ ’. This was in response to my victory at Fanhui and my, so far, quick thinking to just keep going west as soon as I can. He neglected to mention  _ who  _ would be leading this force of one hundred fifty thousand infantry and one Imperial Siege Cannon, but from the way he put it, it sounds like he’s going to be doing it himself or one of his top commanders. This mysterious megaforce will be mustered… at some point. He also offered to ‘pick up’ any reinforcements I ‘chose to’ leave behind while on my journey west. I wrote back that I wanted to know who would be leading it. I also inquired as to the progress of the Banner Armies,  _ it’s been more than a week, I want results _ .  _ I need to know what has resulted _ .

As for these reinforcements, ‘ _ if you want the hassle of dealing with half-put together tank battalions, go ahead and deal with them.’  _ With the politest intent meant,  _ ‘if you build an army of stragglers, you’ll get to New Taku by next year.’  _ I then passed this scroll on to someone who’d send it east by means of messenger hawk or air courier.

I went to sleep after reading a dozen different scrolls from local officers requesting to join my fifteen thousand strong spearhead with their drunken village mobs. Needless to say, I wasn’t that impressed by Lee and his one thousand farmers. Men who had no concept of logistics and would literally, figuratively and metaphorically weigh down the rest of our operations with their ineptitude. I was leading a force of well trained riders, tankists and airmen, not the Yahazhen Militia.  _ Oh, I remember them well _ . All these scrolls made me tired, and it was easy to mass-reject anything with the rank of Lieutenant Colonel or below. As such, I went to sleep with Nan at my side.

I was awoken by the thunder of artillery. For the briefest of moments I thought I was still in a bad dream. Oftentimes while I sleep, my mind flashes back to battles I’ve fought in, the faces of the dead, the blood dripping from the blades, the blood dripping from my wounds, all surrounded by the neverending thunder of artillery and bombs. Worst of all is the phantom pain I get where my right eye once was. Sometimes these dreams have me see out of the eye, but not… ‘see’. I ‘see’ basic hallucinations. 

Nope. This was no bad dream. Some Imperial Guards rushed into the room, lanterns included, and yelled “Naval battle, off to the south!” and I jumped so hard out of the bed I slammed my head into the wall.  _ Thanks for being descriptive instead of going ‘you better look at this’ or ‘battle!’ _ . One of these guards helped me up, “Thank you,” and I sluggishly walked over to the window. “That’s the north, Your Majesty” Taishi’s voice spoke up from the doorway.  _ Right.  _ I grabbed my  _ jian  _ scabbard from above my bed, because in my mind I thought  _ I  _ was in the naval battle. Then I followed the Imperial Guards out of the room and across the aisle, through the door, and over to the proper window. 

Off to our south, I could make out the lights on the tops of ship towers. The Da Xijiang is a  _ large  _ river. It’s wide enough to support ten ships sailing side-by-side, easily. I found the source of the artillery sounds, one of those towers was hit by something silent and an explosion resulted. Ships to its side were operating ballistas. “Who’s who?” I asked my fellow men. “I have no idea,” Taishi replied.  _ Wait, I can find out _ . “Get me my telescope!”  _ Because I remembered to bring that along. A whole box, just in case I needed to break some of them _ . 

While waiting for someone to return, I realized we were in a stationary position.  _ That makes sense, we wouldn’t want to cross the Da Xijiang and get blown off it by a ballista.  _ Then someone returned with the telescope, I opened it and used my one good eye to peer through it. The darkness didn’t help, but the enemy flying a vibrant five-star flag hanging just below the ship tower did. Red, orange, green, blue and white on a grey background.  _ The very same _ .

Those were the ships that were operating the ballistas. Those were the ships facing away from us and pointed downriver.  _ Which meant that the ships further down the river were ours _ . I turned to Taishi and the other guards that gathered around me for safety reasons and yelled “I want all our artillery trained on the ships nearer to us!” Taishi was about to ask ‘Why’, I imagine, but I cut him off. “All the ships nearer to us, that line, pointing downriver, they’re New Takuan!”. Taishi nodded and went off to have such a command carried out.

A few  _ fen  _ passed. I heard the  _ whirr  _ of aircraft engines and involuntarily fell for the ground. When I got back up, I spotted that the nearer ships were punching fire blasts almost randomly into the air. Then the shrieking cry of a bomb quite literally blew some of those blasts away. Whoever  _ was  _ punching those fire blasts was suddenly turned into nothingness. His or her friends were also turned into nothingness. Then I looked up a little and spotted them. 

They were near indistinguishable against the night sky, but the black silhouettes of airplanes _were_ occasionally visible. They looked like falcon-owls or owl-fishers swooping down from the darkness hunting prey. They dived down towards the enemy ships, dropped invisible bombs. Count them, _one, two, three, four, five miao,_ tops, later, _boom!_. The ships shook with blast after blast after blast. And that’s _before_ our artillery began opening up.

The Imperial Carriage prides itself on having like,  _ but possibly more than _ , twenty regular-sized artillery pieces strapped to it. Earthbender operated artillery pieces, yes. Metalbenders work best on them. All they need to do is point the tube somewhere above wherever the poor fool who’s about to receive them is located, get into stance, and punch the mostly stone shell out of the tube. Considering some of these people can punch a surface-to-air rock the size of a truck at a flying object in teams of four or five, it’s no surprise that this is easier. Besides, our artillery pieces have a latch to hold the shell in place so it only takes one man to operate instead of one to hold and one to operate. An additional addition,  _ we’re the Empire, we pride ourselves on artillery _ .

Our artillery opened up. Shells, _ explosive-tipped shells _ , struck the enemy ships all over the place. Someone, I don’t know if it was one of our artillery or a biplane, hit one of the enemy ships just below the waterline with a shell. The metal screamed as it was ripped into two pieces and a massive funnel of water was sent flying into the air. The tower listed, listed, and fell over towards the shore. 

Another ship to it’s right was struck five times, one after the other, in the control tower. The tower bent over slowly before snapping off and slicing a hole through its own deck with it’s size.  _ Oh, that’s… a brutal way to go _ . More of these ships were hit at the waterline. By our shells. By our allies’ shells. Some sunk right away. Some didn’t.

One ship captain was daring enough to try and charge forward. Before he could make it, the black phantoms of the biplanes came overhead once more. One of them descended so far that he seemed to vanish. But he didn’t. A moment later, he pulled out of the maneuver and a large plume of water was sent sky-high by a torpedo hitting the rear of that daring cruiser captain. His fellow ships, the ones that weren’t sinking, chose to do the same thing. 

One of our ships located downriver was struck through the midsection of the main tower by an explosive ballista bolt launched from the leader of the ships that dared to escape. Somewhere, presumably nearby, I heard the yell “Volley!” and the ground shook as twenty people violently punched stone shells out, shaking the ground with their stances. The shells bombarded the escaping ships in the rear. 

One took three in total, two to it’s rear and one to it’s tower. One took one to the top of it’s tower. One took four, two to the midsection and two to the rear. Another took  _ five _ , two direct hits on the tower, one hitting the front and two hitting the center. The rest of the shells missed, since even well-trained earthbenders with metal tubes pointing into the darkness aren’t perfect accuracy-wise. 

The enemy ships were countering with their own projectiles. People were punching fire blasts into the skies, multiple enemy ballistas were launched down the river, and one of the ships even had the bright idea to launch a ballista towards us. The small explosion in a forest and the kicking up of dirt somewhere near us took us by surprise. 

That was the last time anything even got remotely close to us since, wouldn’t you know it, half a  _ fen  _ later, someone yelled “Volley! Side-on ship!” Sure enough, someone ordered that all the artillery aim at the one enemy ship that had tried to turn around and… well I don’t know what he was planning.  _ Did he want to escape under the bridge? Did he want to try and kill whatever was hitting his friends from behind? _ It doesn’t matter. Thirteen explosions ripped his cruiser apart like a blade slicing apart parchment.

At the same time, our fleet and the enemy ‘escape’ fleet decided to settle this the old-fashioned way. With ramming and boarding. I imagine part of this is due to proximity, and the ships getting too close. Normally, I’d probably chastise my officers for giving up their ranged advantage, but the enemy ships are valuable enough to risk it. I don’t know how the decision was made to charge one ship over the other, let’s say, but it happened. 

One of ours sliced a great big gash in the enemy left flank with his icebreaker ram. The others ran up alongside the enemy ships. A few of their own firebenders burned their flags off. The ones that didn’t were set upon by a roving mass of men armed with short  _ dao _ s and boat hooks and axes and all kinds of other weapons. Not that I saw any of it, I just imagine that’s what was happening. The ships that didn’t want to partake in being turned into a tide of red were shelled again and again until their towers buckled over or their ships sank. 

We learned how deep the river was, by the by. One ship struck by a shell to the midsection sank straight down until only the top couple floors of the tower jutted out of the water. That tower was soon pummeled with ten different shells including  _ some  _ ship’s much-larger-than-the-others artillery piece. Said piece went right into the bridge of the ship. It didn’t explode, and I don’t think it mattered that much.  _ Those men are very dead _ .

It was during all this madness that Taishi suggested “The New Takuans are distracted, let’s cross the river.” I thought about it and realized he was right.  _ They’re all busy killing one another or dying or dead.  _ I pointed westwards. “Hit it! Let’s cross this river! Extinguish all lights!”. The command was repeated and soon enough our stationary artillery had silenced and we were smoothly grinding off towards the west. Our ships and theirs were fighting in near-total darkness. Had it been daytime, things may have gone differently. They kept fighting long after we vanished behind a tree line, westwards.

When I awoke the next morning, a glance out the window showed we were in the rolling forested hill country of Taizhou. As is routine at this point, I looked over at the scroll table,  _ did it once have a different name? _ , and found  _ scrolls _ . I had to decide between reading these scrolls or going back to sleep or going to brief the officers aboard the Imperial Carriage on what we’d be doing here on out. There’s no bodies of water between us and New Taku, only plains, hills, forests, mountains, and a mix of the previous four. And a lot of mountains. Therefore, the only boundaries we have are the mountains. The seemingly endless, if the maps are to be believed, Makapuan Mountains. I chose scrolls because information is more important.

The first was a letter from How. He responded to my previous question by reforming the army he was going to muster. Now, instead of sending more than a hundred thousand infantry, he’s going to form the first ever Ba Sing Se Banner Army, fifty thousand strong, and hand it to…  _ General Tian. _ Yes. Tian. Apparently he recommends Tian for his previous success. It’s been so long since I saw the man, I’m starting to forget if he was competent or not. _ I think he showed up late to a siege but his riders also saved the day for us so… _ I don’t know. 

I wrote back that Fong should get it instead. Fong may be headstrong and… a little mad, but he’s quite good at commanding armies. He’s loyal, he’s reliable, and he’s the kind of officer that’ll lead his soldiers into a warzone. Fong has previously rode up to the gates of Osaka himself on his personal tank and bashed in the doors. The letter also included the proposed makeup of this Banner Army, combining tanks, aircraft and artillery with infantry to form a more cohesive combined force,  _ he didn’t mention this, but it’s true _ , as opposed to sending a hundred and fifty thousand infantry against a mountain range and simply seeing how it goes.

The next letter was from the Head of the Dai Li. Upon further Acolyte investigation, he discovered that the former Lord of Gaoling has hired Acolyte chapters across the Empire and the Fire Nation,  _ I guess the Water Tribes are too cold or uncivilized _ , to ‘rise up’ in ‘peaceful protests’. At some point between the last time I saw Zuko and now, he went on his field trip to Taizigou, returned to Ba Sing Se, was ‘compelled’ by the Dai Li to return to Caldera, and did so. 

The Head of the Dai Li wrote a letter to the Fire Lord on behalf of the Badgermole Throne. Irony of ironies, the first joint-national discussion not related to colonizing new lands is Commander Xuan telling Fire Lord Zuko all the known Acolytes within the latter’s capital city, using the excuse of this being ‘easily accessible information’. I thought the letter couldn’t get any better, but then he reminded me to check the rest of my mail for the Fire Lord’s response. 

_ To His Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Emperor,  _

_ I have been informed by Your Majesty’s secret police of the presence of anarchist cells within my capital. In accordance with how a Fire Lord ought to act, I had any and all members imprisoned. The city rose up in revolt and I ordered a mass curfew with General Mak supervising it. While the crackdown occurred, Your Majesty’s secret police chief sent a letter showcasing direct connections between the Air Acolytes and the city of New Taku.  _

_ The Fire Nation does not want to cause more harm than necessary. However, this ‘Nation of New Taku’, as my advisors are calling it, is a rogue entity. The Avatar spoke about ‘a new nation’, but if his concept of a new nation is one that pays for terrorists to attack any who are not part of it, then it has rejected it’s right to exist. _

_ I, as Fire Lord, am legally responsible for all my Fire Nation citizens, both current and former. This was one thing my ancestors were right about. This includes all Colonials. The Badgermole Throne gave the Colonies full rights and has taken care of them exactly as I would have if I controlled them. The citizens of New Taku, in siding with a tyrant against both Thrones, have forced my hand. I have officially announced a declaration removing their status as former Fire Nation citizens.  _

_ There is nothing more difficult than facing the truth. The truth is that if someone wishes to kill you, and will stop at nothing until they get it done, you must stop them. It is with great remorse that I had to issue a declaration of war against the city of New Taku and all her allies. The High Generals and High Admirals are soon to convene on the matter of how to end this war as quickly and with as little loss of life as possible. _

_ The High Admirals have reported that a great mass of Acolytes took to settling on the Western Air Temple Islands with the assistance of the Water Tribe colors. As the Islands fall under my protection as a vassal entity and are property of the Fire Nation, this is tantamount to a declaration of war. The High Admirals will be ordered to sail north and retake the islands while establishing garrisons on each. Simultaneously, we will mount a campaign to blockade the Straits of Huping and prevent any Water Tribe assistance from coming to the aid of New Taku. _

_ Your Majesty and the Earth Empire will have the protection of the Fire Nation. Only through mutual cooperation can we bring on the age of peace. _

_ May Agni protect Your Majesty. _

_ Written by the sacred hand of His Royal Majesty, Agni’s Chosen, Fire Lord Zuko.  _

_ Note: I wish my congratulatory remarks on the proposal between Her Imperial Majesty and Your Majesty. Shall this war end soon, I would request to attend such a marriage ceremony.  _

Who would’ve guessed the first joint-national endeavour after the Hundred Year War would be the two titans of power, the Earth Empire and the Fire Nation, coming together to stamp out the tiny insignificant speck of land along the coast that is New Taku. I feel like Toph of all people would decide this is a good time for a toast. So, with only Nan as my witness, I poured myself a small cup of Clear Whiskey and toasted “To the start of the age of peace!” 

Little did I know the guards standing outside my door, as they often do, heard that toast. Taishi walked in but I was busy having a drink so he didn’t interrupt until after. Then, when he did ask “What’s the toast for?” I pointed at the scroll. Taishi grabbed it, skimmed it, and nodded. “This, truly, is as good a toast reason as any.” Being the host, I grabbed a tea cup for him. “You drink?” “Not on duty.” “Clear Whiskey?” “I’d rather not.” I poured a small amount of my personal supply in a cup. “Come on, your Emperor commands it!” and I handed it to him. He reluctantly accepted, and that ‘professional’ face of his eventually became a smile. 

After this, I compiled my counter to Zuko. I approved of his decision to send his fleets where he wished, and I reassured him that he was making the best possible decision for his nation. That’s not a lie, if you’re being attacked by a group of anarchists who are being paid for by a…  _ a person _ , it’s not a lie to say that protecting your citizens by removing that person is an effective strategy. I told him that the Empire would maintain it’s pact and that we’d contribute to ending this war. I suggested that he send his fleet east to New Taku and that once the war was won, he’d sail north to the Straits of Huping to resolve the conflict there. Once done, I passed this on to a courtier. Eel-hounds, messenger hawks, and more messenger hawks. He’d probably receive this letter in a few weeks. 

The next scroll was from General Zhi. He’s up in Pingdao at the edge of Xisenlin. He’s trying to unify the Tribes up there and discover who would be loyal to the Badgermole Throne and who wouldn’t be. Being half-Jinzhou, a people from the western coast of Xisenlin, he understands the climate and culture of them quite well. Of note is that the Xisenliners are the distant cousins of the Xishan Tribes and practice similar beliefs. Like their cousins, they are big on hunting. They’re less obsolete, wielding iron weapons and living in stone villages. They were allowed to live by the invading Fire Nation to act as a buffer against the Northern Water Tribe.  _ These _ Tribes are also on amicable relations with the Empire. Like their cousins, they want to be left alone, but unlike their cousins, they gladly trade with whoever the major power that rules their lands is. So long as that power respects their boundaries. And we do. Because we don’t have a need to control their lands. Pingdao is part of the Empire and that’s all that matters.  _ May Zhi succeed _ .

Back to the relevance, I wrote back to Zhi that we’re marching on New Taku and that his military support would be appreciated. I wrote a request: After he finishes his unification he rides to Yu Dao or New Taku to assist us. I wanted Yu Dao to be garrisoned in the event of this New Taku rebellion growing in size. It’s always a good idea to imagine that someone like the Lord of Gaoling has allies everywhere. Thus, by garrisoning at Yu Dao, we cancel his next logical target. Yu Dao being an important factory city for us and one of our largest dockyards makes it a good place to cap or raze. I passed this scroll on to a courier and took out the next one. This was the last one for today.

Zhe Zhuang’s light cruisers engaged the New Taku Navy in the Da Xijiang. Not a surprise to me, considering I saw it with my own one good eye. Here’s where he sealed it: They captured a few enemy ships and they sank most of the remaining transports. Those were transports with tanks on them. Those were transports carrying some of New Taku’s best quality equipment and best trained men.  _ It’s not a close victory anymore, officers from earlier, that victory just became decisive _ . He also wrote that he’s sailing for the Senlin and he expects to reach the rebel capital within two weeks. The trade winds give a slight boost to his attempts, which means it’s more likely he’ll get there in a single week, unless circumstances change. I wrote back to him, thanking him for his involvement in both battles, and informing him I’d write when I got to the staging ground.

The day passed. I trained with my blade as best I could. I met with the officers and took a tally. We have somewhere in the twenty thousand range of men. Mostly riders and all surviving tankists and aircraft. We stopped off in Qilcun in western Taizhou to pick up another thousand riders for reinforcements because Fengji and Guiren suggested it. They didn’t join the train, no room, they rode alongside and after us in other trains, along with the rest of our forces. 

The battle plan remained the same. We go to Lushan, then march south and southwest from the train depot. Our scouts help map a way across the Makapuan Mountains and we take it. Sounds quite simple, right? We’re the Empire, there’s no reason it needs to be hard. We can just ask the locals to guide us, and then they would. I didn’t have any new scrolls to receive, and as such, I went back to my room, offered my prayers to my ancestor, and went to sleep. 

I awoke to Taishi shaking me. Yes, really. “General Song is under attack! Twenty thousand siege!” _What? What? What? What?_ I swiped the broken sealed scroll from his hand. I opened it. It was addressed to Guiren and spoke of how Takehisa returned bringing a large force of _daofei_ and was preparing to start the siege of Song’s stronghold west of Lutianzhen. The _daofei_ are gathered in the thick forest to the west of him and as such he’s unable to get an accurate count of their size. He claims to have written a similar letter and sent it to all the officers in the region calling for aid. _Why not me? It’s probably resting on that table over there_. I pointed at the table, “Get me those scrolls,” Taishi went through with it, and sure enough, I found the exact same request for aid written to me. 

“Where’s Lutianzhen?” I asked, since that was something I didn’t know. _I know it’s in Gangxi_. The calm and collected Taishi replied “South of us.” I involuntarily glared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean? Where are we?” “Northern Gangxi.” _And Lutianzhen_ _is to our south. Got it_. “Are there any train lines going there?” I asked myself a stupid question. _You know where the train lines go. There aren’t any there. They go west to Lushan_. 

I grabbed my Imperial Armor from its holder and placed it on the bed.  _ Sorry Nan, you’ll have to hop off _ . I tapped him on the head and he hopped off and took to sitting on the floor. Then I backpaced and retrieved some underclothes. I called for some attendants to come in. “Taishi, we’re moving out.” He gave me a wary glance. “Most of the trains are a  _ geng  _ behind us. Or two. Or four. Or six.” “That could be a  _ geng  _ too late for Song.” 

Then I called for Guiren. “Attendants, summon Guiren!”. I went behind a privacy wall to change into underclothes and then my Imperial Armor while the man arrived. “Yes, Your Majesty?” he likely kowtowed along with that. Not that I saw it. “How many men do we have on this carriage?” I asked, pulling the armor on. “A thousand of our heavy riders and a hundred Imperial Guard, Your Majesty.” “Do we have the ostrich horses for them?” “Yes… Your Majesty.” “Very good.” I slid into the last of my Imperial Armor and was handed my helmet by one of my attendants. 

“We ride south. Now.” 

The Sergeant General rightfully stuttered. “Your Majesty… that’s… if General Song’s reports are true, we could be facing fifteen times our numbers.” I walked out from behind the wall and threw my scabbard over my side. “Then-” I gave the Sergeant General a pat on the shoulder “-we’ll just have to fight with the strength of ten men.” “Your Majesty…” the man’s eyes grew to be discs and he stuttered. “Your riders are worth ten infantry, right?” I asked, stern as steel. “Yes…” the man brought his hands together and… looked like he was about to faint. 

“Then we’ll-” I put my helmet on “-do just fine.” I issued the next order on the move. “Taishi, prepare your men and their mounts. We ride in less than a  _ dian _ .” He didn’t want to nod, but he couldn’t go against Imperial orders. I called for my weapon bearer, “Zhu!” and the man came running into the room, dressed in standard courtly attire. “Get me my  _ guandao _ .” “Not-” he paused to clarify, “-your  _ shuang-shao jian _ ?”  _ Ha _ . “You think I’m going to wield that from a mount while riding down routing enemies.” “I… you’re quite strong.” “I want something light-” I imagined the shaft in my hands,  _ so easy to twirl wherever I needed it _ , “-and maneuverable. I want my  _ guandao _ . Arm yourself too. Your sword’s going to be bloodied by the night.” My weapon-bearer gave a nod. “What’s the rush?” he asked. 

“We’re going to go save your father.” His eyes went wide. “He’s… what?” I gave him a reassuring pat, “He’ll be fine. A Fire Lord, a Crown Prince and a little Princeling all tried to kill your father. He tactically retreated from the first, gave the second his only known defeat and decapitated the little Prince and took his dragon  _ dao  _ for himself.” Zhu was confused, but he obeyed my orders like the rest of them. I took my bow and quiver of arrows. Afterall, I possess the most expensive thumb ring in all of history. The Empress of Ten Thousand Year’s own arm bracelet reforged by her own hand into an archer’s best friend. And,  _ because she’s practical,  _ it is quite usable as an archer’s best friend. 

I rode up to our improvised staging area on my blue-barded mount. The Imperial Guards and Xishan Tribesmen had gathered in one small group, the heavy riders gathered in a much larger block. “We ride for Lutianzhen. Each of you is worth twenty infantrymen, so you should have no trouble routing them!” The heavily armored riders punched the air with their lances. “We will not rest until we are there. I will not rest until we are there. My provisions are your provisions.” Then I drew my  _ jian _ . “Now! With me! Onto Lutianzhen! Come with me and kill those  _ daofei _ !” I punched my blade in the direction of the south and the riders cheered. Then I sheathed it, adjusting my sling so my  _ guandao  _ wouldn’t fall off, and rode off. At the same time, Guiren and Taishi had their men form into riding columns behind me. 

Morning turned to noon. We rode around one village and past ten farmsteads. Our scouts had ridden to the village to inform them it was the Emperor and his personal guard riding past. That motivated eight farmers to grab their ostrich horses and join us. We ate lunch,  _ jerky _ , while on the mount. One of the only times I had to stop was to toss Nan some of my meat so he’d have something to eat. The Imperial Guard ended up directly around and behind me and the rest of the men following suit. The maps said to follow this one trader road south, so we took it south. 

Noon turned to afternoon. As we progressed further south and passed the third village of the day, all of us collectively noticed what we were going towards. Rounded foothills layered in forests. And forests. And more forests. The trees we were riding beside went from being purely maples, oaks and kin to a mix between soft and hardwood. The air was getting just a bit cooler. The farmers we passed weren’t just on their farms like the flat plains behind us, they were also chopping down wood. And there were more forester cabins tucked away almost out of sight.

Afternoon turned to evening as we rode into these foothills. The Sun sat low in the western sky, but it was high enough up that we could make out what awaited us to our southwest. Towering mountains. A wall of them. Grey-topped with a small caking of snow on the very top, like the white icing on a grey top layer on a green cake. And they were everywhere. To our west, to our southwest, to our south. They stretched on and on and out of sight. They were imposing and we hadn’t even ridden into them yet. I felt the urge to dismount when I finally noticed their all-encompassing might. So I did. 

Most of the soldiers were confused, respectfully confused, why I had dismounted. One man didn’t. “Chief Hayashi, they are just like the Sky Peaks,” the man in question said. I gave him a nod. Falling back into his ordination, he asked “You want a blessing from the Great Hunter?” I nodded. “I wish to pray to him, Uzluk.” He gave an affirmative, then summoned the rest of the Xishaners. The rest of the men we were travelling with had to watch the Xishaners gather and pray to their protector. I didn’t join them, I don’t know the words, but I stood next to and behind them while they did it. I know, it seems odd that I’d care to offer my prayers to the Great Hunter. 

As I explained to Taishi, whose eyes were asking the same question I might ask myself, ‘why do this?’. So I gave him the answer I’d give myself. “We’re about to ride into those mountains over there, wouldn’t you want some protection from the Spirit who protects his mountain folk?” “Some protection could do,” he replied. And yet, after this two  _ fen  _ procedure of pouring water on our heads was over, he didn’t ask and I didn’t force him.  _ After all, I am an anointed Man of the Zheng. I have to do these rituals. You do not, Taishi son of a brothel-maid _ . 

We mounted back up and continued riding. The Sun disappeared behind the foothills to our rear. There were men asking if we had gotten lost, but all their voices silenced the moment we crossed a ridge and the twinkling lights of the town of Lutianzhen appeared. I knew some of my men were tired. I  _ knew  _ it. So I stopped my ostrich horse further down the slope and declared “We’ll stop just west of the town and rest up!” The men cheered. So I snapped my ostrich horse’s reins and we went down towards the town.

The town was located in the center of a large round valley with one entrance and exit, it’s southeast. The rest of the valley is either foothills like the ones we rode through or the massive mountains just to it’s west. Most of the light was emanating from the middle of the town and along one street. So we reformed into a marching formation, something our mounts greatly appreciated after all the galloping, and rode down this main street. The scouts had informed those in charge of the town of our arrival and as such we were greeted with a gathering of civilians on either side of the road. The usual “Ten Thousand Years!” cheering directed towards me and my blue armor. Lots and lots of flowers tossed our way. Someone who looked like he ran the town emerged from the town center. He had the semi-courtly attire, the correct hat, and the perfectly trimmed beard.  _ A mayor, certainly. _

Before he could even introduce himself and his ten titles, I pointed at him and said “Gather all your miltia, you’re joining us tomorrow.” The mayor stuttered, “We… Your Majesty...we only have a couple hundred militia to-” I cut him off. “General Song called for aid and I answered it.” “Your Majesty-” I cut him off again. “This map says the only way west is through the fort, are there any ways we can go around those large mountains?” 

I finally stopped to let him speak. “Yes, Your Majesty, there… there’s a path to our north, it’s a forester’s path and it leads between the two, you’d reemerge north of the forest.” I pointed at this Mayor. “I need your scouts to tell me how close the enemies are.” “Your Majesty… the  _ daofei  _ force is… converged around the fort.”  _ Oh, stop your staggering _ . I tried to make something of the Mayor’s advice. “So if we came out from the north, they wouldn’t see us.” “I… it’s unlikely… Your Majesty.” 

I snapped my ostrich horse’s reins. “Men, we’re moving out on this path. We’ll rest beneath it.” The mayor gave his warning of “Your Majesty can… it’s only wide enough for one ostrich horse rider at a time.” I stopped my departure and turned to this mayor. “Is it over the mountains or through the forests? What of any cliffs?” “It goes in a valley… Your Majesty. Through the forests. No cliffs.”  _ That’s very different from implying it runs on a cliff’s edge.  _ “Thank you, Mayor. We’re leaving now.” I snapped my mount’s reins and went off.

We couldn’t progress beyond the start of this ‘path’ on the northeastern part of the town due to nightfall. So I had our men set up camp and posted men to the watches. With my own gold, I bought up smoked meat, fish, and berries from the town market and passed it out around the camp. Only after everyone else was fed did I eat my portion, the same portion as everyone else.  _ Three pieces of smoked meat and a palmful of berries.  _

While we gathered around campfires, a pair of scouts returned, kowtowed, and informed us,  _ loudly _ , that “Takehisa’s force is twenty thousand strong.” This sent a visible shiver across the campsite. I had half a mind to kill these two for disclosing such private information publicly, information that could cause our men to panic, but I didn’t. Instead, I took advantage of the situation. After all, whether we had a hundred men or a hundred thousand, I  _ was  _ going to ride to Song’s aid. And, sometimes, the best way to face certain doom is laughter.

“Turns out Takehisa needs twice as many men as before! He must be scared of us! He wants even odds!” and some of the Imperial Guards I was with chuckled. “By tomorrow, he’ll need even more!” Less laughter. “I guess he hopes that if he swamps us in  _ daofei _ , he’ll win!” “That’s right!” Taishi called out, joining me in my mad attempt to raise their spirits. “It’s a shame he’s going to throw away so many lives.” Then I stood up. 

“Doesn’t he know of the One-Eyed Badgermole?” and I stomped the ground. The men at this campfire and the surrounding ones yelled out “Yeah!”s. I downed my clay cup, _ thank you town _ , then tossed it aside.  _ Smash. _ “Surely, some of you must know a song to sing? This… Takehisa will face the One-Eyed Badgermole! It’d be dishonorable if we didn’t kill him with style!” and most of the soldiers took to cheering.

The men talked amongst themselves until someone yelled out “What about ‘The Egg Army is the Strongest of All?” “Where did you get that name from?” I wondered. That same soldier called back “Your Majesty calling the Avatar an egg! New Taku is the city of eggs! The Imperial Army took after the title, Your Majesty!”  _ Ha. Really. My nickname of ‘egg’ permeated the armies. I… I don’t believe it’s true, but I also do, because of Imperial popularity. Badgermoles are reputable for being inspiring, I s’pose.  _ “Go ahead, then, sing!” and I waved my hands about to encourage them. This one man  _ wearing Imperial Guard armor _ put his hand to his chest, and began.

_ Green are the banners and gold are their coins _

_ Who want to oppress the Colo-nies _

_ But from the Fire lands to the Dongfang _

_ The Egg army is strongest of all! _

Then the Imperial Guard stood up and drew his  _ dao _ . 

_ Let our Great Egg army _

_ Take in its battles _

_ A sharp sword in our worker’s hand! _

_ And now we will all _

_ unstopped by their earth _

_ Go into a glorious fight! _

His singing was so good everyone else joined in. The refrain repeats, just like in the original.

_ Let our great Egg army _

_ Take in its battles _

_ A sharp sword in our worker’s hand! _

_ And now we will all _

_ Unstopped by their earth _

_ Go into a glorious fight! _

This man…  _ Ning, that’s who he is, Imperial Guard Ning _ … continued leading all of the men in song.

_ Yes, come on, Egg army, march, march, forward! _

_ Our Commander calls us to battle! _

Then the rest of the men, Imperial Guards and Imperial Army, joined in.

_ And from the Fire lands to the Dongfang/the Egg army is strongest of all! _

Ning stomped the ground as he sang the next stanza.

_ We fight for our freedom and a nation. _

_ Yes, we will destroy their Empire! _

_ But from the Fire lands to the Dongfang _

_ The Earth Army is strongest of all! _

As a mass, everyone sang along 

_ Let our great Earth army _

_ Take in its battles _

_ A sharp sword and strong earth in hand! _

_ And now we will all/unstopped by the Eggs _

_ Fight a victorious battle! _

At this point, the entire camp boomed with the final stanza, the final choral lines, drawing their  _ dao  _ and punching the air with it. One of the Imperial Guards nudged me to join in, I just sat back with a smile on my face. 

_ Let our great Earth army _

_ Take in its battles _

_ A sharp sword and strong earth in hand! _

_ And now we will all _

_ Unstopped by the Eggs _

_ Fight a victorious battle! _

To cap all this off, someone shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” and the rest of the men joined in, shouting “Ten Thousand Years!” I joined them, also punching the air with my  _ guandao _ . 

Uzluk woke me to inform me that it was twilight. He’d been up for the rest of the night shift. I quickly put on my armor while ordering “Everyone! Mount up! We’re leaving!” and having that order be transmitted around the camp. Everything passed in a flash of me arming myself, making sure my equipment’s on tight, and getting on my mount. I rode out into the middle of the camp and found everyone else getting up and getting ready as well.

The scouts told us that the path was wide enough to support one rider. So they led the way and the rest of us followed them. The mountains were somehow even bigger when we were in their shadows. The forest path we took led us along a creek and past two different hunting cabins. We were in the middle of a thick mixed wood forest. Turning around to look back, the plains were far from us and the foothills on the other side of the rounded valley. We rode along the creek for about a  _ dian  _ until emerging into a sparsely wooded plain on the other side. Being one of the first out in this plain, I ordered we reform in the nearest clear meadow area. The other men slowly filtered in. I ordered the scouts to ride south and inform us of what was happening at Song’s fortification. “I want to know how Song’s defenses are doing and where the  _ daofei  _ are.”

During the wait, Uzluk caught a raven-crow. He gutted it in front of the Imperial Guard, who were quite aback by all this, and poured the blood into that one small bowl he carries around everywhere. “Would Chief Hayashi like to be anointed?” “For protection?” I asked back. “For strength in the upcoming battle.”  _ I guess it worked back up in the Gerse tribal lands.  _ I head-bowed. I removed my helmet and eyepatch, got on my knees, and he poured some of the bowl onto my head. It got in my queue hair and it drizzled down my face. I wiped off enough so that I could wear my eyepatch again and I put my helmet back on. The rest of the Imperial Guards, Taishi included, were quite speechless. But they didn’t say anything. The rest of them prayed to a small Toph statue one of the Imperial Guards brought along. Because Toph, or appropriately, the Wielder of the Mandate of the Spirits, will favor them should they offer her their prayers.  _ Maybe she will. I can only hope so _ . For my part, I prayed to my ancestors, namely Kyoshi.

Just before the last of the riders came off the forest path, the team of scouts returned. “Takehisa’s force is almost entirely  _ daofei _ , Your Majesty. They’re encamped in a hundred campsites in the forest to the west of the stronghold.” “And the stronghold?” “It’s main gate was broken down, the tank used for the duties is in pieces, but Imperial colors still fly from it’s inner battlements.” “Does Song know of our arrival?” The scouts shook their heads with the leader saying “No, we didn’t inform him.” “Are they preparing to siege again?” “We don’t know.”  _ That’s both very good and very bad _ . “How organized is the encampment?” “There was fighting between two bands of  _ daofei  _ while we were scouting. And desertion.”  _ So they’re not really that unified, they’re killing one another. Got it _ . “What does the terrain look like?” The lead scout dismounted his ostrich horse. “May I draw it in the ground, Your Majesty?” I waved my hand over, a gesture to ‘go on’. So he began earthbending the ground.

The forest they were encampment in extends out in two directions, west and north. To the south, it’s the same sparse mixed wood forest that we’re riding in. To the east is the sharp rise in the mountains, which due to how quickly they increase in height, are mostly barren of trees. Between the mountain rise and the forest is a thin stretch of meadowland. The land around the stronghold in all directions is also barren, for strategic purposes. 

“We’re going to split into two groups. One will attack from the east, one will attack from the southwest. The  _ daofei  _ are encamped in the thickest portion of the forest and it is  _ there _ -” and I marked a section of the forest on the dirt map with my  _ guandao _ ’s tip “-where we will strike. The southwestern group will wait until the eastern group has begun the charge. The eastern group is the anvil, the southwestern the hammer. I will take the Imperial Guard, the Xishaners, and three hundred riders. The rest go to you, Guiren.” 

One of the sub-officers rightly pointed out “Your Majesty, charging twenty thousand men with five hundred at a time would only get us killed!”  _ Oh, why of course. But nobody’s expecting it.  _ “That’s why we’re going to charge in line formation. Make them think there’s more of us than there are.” I turned to Guiren. “I want riding columns four wide and charging lines fifteen wide.” 

Then I turned back to the officers. “If they see a hundred riders bearing down on them in one wide line, then see riders behind those riders, they’re going to rout.” Some officers asked “But how can Your Majesty be certain of that?” I pointed at Taishi’s armor, similar to everyone else’s. “A bunch of uncoordinated  _ daofei  _ will run in terror when they see that.” Then, invigorated from this, I clenched my fist. “A thousand men with good steel and heavy golden armor riding a thousand barded mounts…-” I took inspiration from the Empress. “- _ we’re going to smash ‘em good _ .” 

The officers obediently gave their agreements. “Good. We’re moving out.” and I got back on my ostrich horse. 

We spent the next  _ dian  _ riding north. The Sun was buried behind the mountains to our east. I rode at the very front of the first four man wide riding column. I occasionally turned around to spot the rest of the Imperial Guards and forces following our lead. After this  _ dian  _ passed, we spotted the change in the landscape. The forest was thick enough you couldn’t see to the other end but sparse enough to look maybe a dozen trees in. The trees were almost all tall conifers, which helped us since there were no branches to get in our way. 

I took one more deep breath. I felt the thumb ring on my hand, then felt the shaft of the  _ guandao _ .  _ Who said you can’t be nervous before something like this? I certainly am. I’m confident we’ll win. I know it.  _ I gave the ‘spread out’ hand signal and the men behind me went from four wide to fifteen wide. I pointed at Zhu, he nodded, and he raised the horn he was carrying. Some of us drew our lances. Some of our lances flew the gorgeous earth coin pennant. Some just drew their  _ dao _ . Me? I gripped my  _ guandao  _ in my sword-hand. 

At my signal, Zhu gave the horn a mighty blast. An echoing blast that crossed the entire valley. We swung left as an organized mass of fifteen by four blocks. Zhu gave the horn a blast again,  _ a signal _ . 

And we crashed right into them.

It took about a  _ miao  _ to adjust to the lack of light. No matter, we didn’t really need it to begin with. I took both hands on the  _ guandao  _ and decapitated a passing  _ daofei _ . Another was raising his axe and lost the hand and part of his shoulder. Then another, his chest. Another, his face. The swinging was much easier than the large  _ shuang-shao jian _ . Even without the meteorite bladed edge, my ostrich horse’s momentum was more than enough. It ran over one man and crushed his chest underfoot. I sliced an archer’s arm off then swung around and went for a spearman’s head. I stopped my mount to pursue one poor  _ daofei  _ as he ran behind a tree. Little did he know  _ I am the tree-man and all my trees are kin. _ So I went up next to him and  _ slice _ , cut his face into two faces. Or two parts of one head.  _ And that was just me! _

There were  _ daofei  _ yelling to get behind cover of some sort.  _ A bit late for that, no?  _ The ones that didn’t were near instantly impaled by lances or trampled by ostrich horses. The next lines of riders had their blades out and got to hacking down  _ anyone  _ in their path. Some of the riders were benders. They swung their  _ dao  _ and pulled passing chunks of earth out and threw them into the chests and torsos of  _ daofei _ . The leading lancers fanned out. Most of the  _ daofei  _ I cut down were running away. Most of the  _ daofei  _ had declared,  _ ha, ‘declared’, they’re uncoordinated _ … no. 

Most of the  _ daofei  _ saw our barded gilded men on mounts and ran for it. Some  _ daofei  _ tried to fight back, grabbing spears or axes or whatever they could find. One spearman was impaled through the right cheek. Another took a boulder to his unprotected head. An axeman was trampled. Another axeman was cut down by a  _ dao  _ swing. On and on, the slaughter went. 

As we went deeper and deeper into the forest, everyone slowed down. There were these tents of cloth and fur. Campfires that had gone out. Racks for drying meat. The stupider  _ daofei  _ exited their tents dressed in their sleeping furs and carrying absolutely nothing at all. I saw one such man and tried to cut him in two by my  _ guandao  _ clinked against a tree instead. So I threw the  _ guandao  _ over my back,  _ thank you sling _ , and drew my  _ jian _ . The man drew a dagger, thinking he was going to be the hero of his own story or something.  _ Stab.  _ Right through the mouth. I pulled the blade back out while my fellow riders cut down all of his friends. Our sharp blades and long lances up against nothing and… sticks. And sometimes spears. It was at this point that I realized the men we chopped down at the start were the ‘base’,  _ ha _ , the encampment’s sentinels, or those assigned to guard duty.

That just made the rest of this slaughter that much easier. A man raised his  _ fists _ ,  _ slice  _ wins out. A different one tried to hit me with his wide spearhead? He could go ahead and poke my chest, it’s not going to do much beyond tickle me. My  _ jian _ , on the other hand, went right through his chest. Far more than just a tickle. Another man demonstrated some semblance of bending, bending a small boulder out to use against me,  _ oh no I’m so-  _ but my inner monologue was cut off by the earthbender getting a lance through the head. He made such a stupid expression. A ‘how could I be so blindsighted’ expression. I moved on to a different man who was nocking his drawstring but-  _ lanced! _ . He, too, took a lance to the head. After these, I rode straight ahead, cutting down half-asleep  _ daofei _ left and right. I think I cut open four men’s chests and five men’s heads? It’s a perk of being tall, you never miss. 

Then the two halves joined together, east and southwest. After stabbing someone who really deserved it in the head, I was about to move on to stabbing someone else who deserved it and was an archer in the head, but then his head went flying thanks to an allied rider’s  _ dao  _ cleanly cutting through it. I counted six different men who ran behind trees to get out of our line of sight only to get impaled in the back of the head by lances or  _ dao _ from the other flank’s pincer. I made a right to continue hacking and slashing. 

This all stopped when we reached the ‘main’ tent, a pavilion of dark red with a Fire Nation emblem on the front. Standing outside of said pavilion was a man dressed like a Fire Sage, a man dressed in the attire of a Fire Nation officer, a couple men wearing the armor of Royal Fire Army firebenders, skull mask included, some  _ daofei _ , and a man dressed like an Imperial Army soldier without the conical hat. The man wearing the clothes of the Fire Nation officer was holding a fire dagger to the green soldier’s throat. The fire dagger was released when I, Taishi, Zhu, and a few Imperial Guards dismounted our ostrich horses at the same time. The officer also yelled for his men to “bow, properly!” 

Our diplomatic meeting was almost cancelled by some of his  _ daofei  _ trying to charge me. I didn’t charge or flee or even react, I ignored their idiotic attempts and kept walking towards the commander. Not-so-fortunate for them, they took, respectively, a lance to the head, a  _ dao  _ to the head, and an arrow to the head. The first two were passing riders, the third was from Uzluk, standing somewhere off to the left. Then I walked right up to the commander, to whom the rest of his men had tried to figure out which bow was most appropriate.

“Do you know who I am?” the firebender asked, callous-voiced. “Takehisa?” He bowed. “Use proper titles,” Taishi commanded. Takehisa nodded towards Taishi, then bowed to me. “Apologies, Your Majesty.”  _ Oh, whatever. _ “Do you surrender?” “I do, Your Majesty.” “And who is this” I gestured towards the Imperial Army soldier. “He was the diplomat.”  _ Diplomat?  _ “What for?” I looked at him. “What are you doing in the enemy’s camp as a diplomat?” The soldier kowtowed. “Your Majesty, I was sent by General Song to stop the fighting.” I scoffed. 

“I’ll end it right now.” I pointed my  _ jian _ , dripping with blood, at this man. “By order of Her Imperial Majesty, you’re under arrest.” The man offered nothing but a soldier-to-royalty bow. “I accept the arrest, Your Majesty.” I looked at my associates, they were just as suspicious as I was. “What do you want me to do with the  _ daofei _ ?” “The  _ daofei,  _ they’re all gone, probably.” I took a cloth from my waist and wiped my blade down. Then I sheathed it. 

“Arrest everyone who surrenders!” I ordered. My men repeated the command. Back to Takehisa, I gave him a stern look. “Where did you get them? Did New Taku pay you?” The man on his knees laughed. “No. I collected all these people.” “Why attack us, then?” “I followed my orders from Fire Lord Ozai. They told me to attack any who control the Colonies. Including New Taku. They wanted my home and they became my foe.” 

“So you’re against the city?” I pondered. “Yeah I’m against New Taku,” he replied.  _ Interesting _ . I wondered if maybe I could get some information on him. He knew the mountains and he knew what we could be confronting. “Guards! Take him!” At my command, a pair of Imperial Guards made sure he was bound and dragged him away. 

“How many men did we lose, Guiren?” “None, Your Majesty.”  _ None?  _ “What do you mean, ‘none.’” He smiled. “None. Your Majesty. We lost nobody.”  _ What in the name of Kyoshi?  _ “How?” “Our men wore armor, the  _ daofei  _ were half-asleep or armed with implements that can’t penetrate armor.”  _ That’s… that’s amazing.  _ “How many men did we kill?” “The body count so far says five thousand, Your Majesty.”  _ Really.  _

I actually took a step back from all that. I almost tripped on Nan while stepping back, but he ran around at the last moment and looked up at me with happy eyes and blood-stained teeth. “How many did you kill, Sergeant General?” “Ten, Your Majesty.”  _ Ten. I…  _ “We really took them by surprise, didn’t we,” I said, kind of… shocked at my own prediction coming true. “We did, Your Majesty,” he replied. I bowed to him. “It’s thanks to your riders.” He kowtowed to me. “No, Your Majesty. It’s thanks to your tactical sense in spreading the men out.” 

That afternoon consisted of nothing but people toasting to my martial prowess and success. Taishi, Zhu, the Imperial Guards, Guiren’s men, and so on. 

I in turn toasted to all their success in doing exactly what I expected of them. 

If we could find someone to guide us through these mountains, we could be at New Taku soon. 

Very soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor leads the aerial charge against the forces of New Taku
> 
> Next time, we conclude Takehisa's story and march into the Makapuan Mountains:
> 
> -This chapter takes place an indeterminate short amount of time (a few hours) after the previous one's ending. The ending ending. The officers are having their discussions and that's when we join them.   
> -Continuity nod: Mori's tactic in flying near the Dongfang helped them turn the battle from a close victory to a decisive one.   
> -Nighttime is not Hollywood Darkness. Nighttime battles are dark.  
> -Zuko's hand was forced, we'll see the consequences of such in future.  
> -'Egg Army is the Strongest' courtesy Ahlyae. The original song is 'Red Army is the Strongest' as is meant to be sung along with that.


	96. The Makapuan Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor departs Lutianzhen and leaves civilization behind for an adventure...
> 
> ...into the Makapuan Mountains.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Two:

For a late summer day, the heavy rain storms were unnatural. Or perhaps, the environment was just as foriegn to us as we, a people of a dozen cultures -most of whom were from less mountainous or more temperate lands- were to it. The rain gave off this neverending pattering sound as it bombarded my tower with its pellets. The Sages were holding prayers down in the main courtyard day and night. These were local sages, not Song’s men nor mine. And they were praying to the Spirits to let the sheets of rain cease. They were praying to the Fire God, Agni. Personally, I didn't think the rain mattered that much. It wasn’t like we were marching to war with the Northern Water Tribe. Despite my attendants’ wary remarks of Spirits being involved with all this, and omens of ill tiding, I ignored the lot of them. Emperors do not have time to dawdle around with superstitions. 

I watched Takehisa like a falcon-fisher watching the carp-trout. He was given proper treatment for someone of his stature. A cell with slightly better furnishings than usual. The dungeons of Lutianzhen don’t have a perfect track record, no prison possibly could with earthbenders, but an army ten thousand strong surrounding it is hard to flee through. I had given some local officer, someone’s nephew who ‘knew’ the Makapuan Mountains and the peoples of it, the job of speaking to Takehisa. I had given this nephew an order. If Takehisa agrees to support us and guide us through the mountains, we will grant him lands in the Colonies. If he does not, then he won’t possess a head by the half-moon. If it seems like an unfair deal, it is. But this is the Empire and my honorable tendencies go right up until someone refuses my generous offer. 

I paced back and forth in my private tower. The highest keep of the Stronghold of Lutianzhen, reserved for the commanding officer, went to me due to my status. My hands were cold. In my sword hand was a letter. It was a letter from the capital. It was a letter from General How. It was a letter from Her Imperial Majesty. I shivered as I read it. It was an order to march on New Taku by the next full moon. It was an Imperial Edict, as it had the Empress’s stamp. I shivered from the implications. Nobody else knew what the letter read, it was addressed to me and my officers and courtiers know better than to mettle in my personal affairs. 

I know what they gossip about behind my back. The local officers are divided between the ones who think I’m a fanatic for results and the ones who think I’m doing this because I want to sleep with the Empress. Guiren and the officers I’m bothered to know the names of know better than to insinuate such slander. The courtiers and attendants _want_ me to be doing this for love, because to them, royalty are more than just people, they’re practically deities. And the ones who aren’t as spiritually inclined just want to see the two of us commit to intimate marital relations because they saw it in a play and want to see it in real life. 

Then there are the officers who speak of me as being mad. Mad has so many meanings. The general consensus of that camp is that I’m ‘mad’ because unlike their other commanders, I don’t just say I’ll get things done, I get them done. All these gossipers agree on one thing: me not attending their morning and afternoon officer’s meetings is a sign that my mind is elsewhere. Where, well, that’s what they’re all guessing about. Is my mind thinking about my Empress? Is my mind thinking about the conflict? _I’ll let them decide._

The stronghold’s grimness results from the news of a rebellion, as always, in Huizhou. Such should be commonplace at this point, but any bad news is always going to become _the_ bad news. And bad news just gives the sages more things to pray about. We’re in a fortified position with the most experienced commander in the Empire, Song, at our side, and yet people are concerned about a conflict a full continent away. From what we can discover, the Moon People have decided enough was enough and staged an uprising in Minquan. From personal visual experiences, it’s probably not that hard to throw out a garrison that doesn’t exist. _Or, if there was a garrison, it was Sunanese men on their mounts… not known for being good town fighters_. The good news from all of this is that my little cousin Sai was freed, she freed herself using wits, and now she’s joining General Jun on the campaign south. I don’t know who to fear for more, General Jun for messing up in managing Minquan and regretting it… or the Minquaners for facing down a woman who is twice as insane as I am on the best of days.

Takehisa. The men made strong boasts about him. He was the best tracker. He was the best guide to cross the Makapuan Mountains. He was experienced, having ambushed Earth garrisons tenfold his superior and winning. He was tough, he once strangled a badgermole with a fire whip. He was honorable, he let a local Ba Sing Se-dispatched officer go home after fighting a fair fight. _Where was his tracking skills when I fell upon him with a thousand fresh riders and the Imperial Guard? Where was his guiding skills when we, a force of snow-crunching heavily-armored men, arrived?_ _Where was his toughness when I dismounted, met him, and he surrendered without so much as a duel? Where was his honor when all the officers we did send to solve this problem returned… as heads?_

They made strong boasts about him while this nephew acted as an intermediary between the man who ruled the stronghold and the prisoner in it’s dungeons. I had more important matters to concern myself with. The Makapuan Mountains stood like a wall of ice-topped spearheads. The stories of trackers and crossing the land with riders and a hundred fifty thousand men and _tanks_ , _ha, tanks_ , were all lies. The valleys might support an army on the march, but will the supplies? The local guides Song used say it’ll take us one half of the moon to get to the Gate of New Taku, a holy town located in the foothills populated with priests and sages who venerate the holy sites built upon some desolate hill. It guards the road west and it guards the ascent from a steep valley to the east. 

Unless the definitely-won’t-crash Imperial Air Corps starts building airships, there’s no way we’re going to fit more than a couple thousand on this journey. Even if they could build airships, they’ll probably crash against the snow-topped spikes that surround us and seem to go on for perpetuity. We may not be able to take many, but we can choose wisely. The officers sent their letters to my watchtower’s door, petitioning this and requesting that. 

Guiren’s riders, they’re all good men. They’re the _jian_ point that will stab through all. They’re coming. Tanks? _Are we fighting another pitched battle… in steppe montane valleys?_ Artillery? _Are we bombarding the hunter’s cabins?_ Infantry? _What do farmers from Gaolan know of ice and snow?_ The Xishaners, some officers were against them coming because they could turn on us. Sure. Right. Fifteen men as far from their homeland as I am from Her Imperial Majesty are going to turn on us because of reasons so made-up it’s a wonder if the petitioner was suffering from Midnight Sun Madness in a land that doesn’t experience it. Fifteen men who know that if any harm comes to me, they’ll be swarmed by a mob of very unhappy men with sharp sticks. 

Infantry, though. That’s what most of the officers want. Infantry. There’s a lot of them bumbling about outside the Stronghold. We’re the Empire, the officers say, we can awash our foes with our numbers. The officers say and say and I’m grateful I could just sit up in my tower, hold my betrothal ring that doubles as an archer’s best friend, and ponder. We’re the Empire, a couple thousand man strong armies are not our trade.

The Sages spotted me looking down on them from up on my balcony. They turned to offer their prayers towards me, as if that’d make all the choosing that much easier. Or if it makes the letter sitting on my desk vanish. What they do not understand, because they simply listen to what I or Song or someone noble orders them to listen to, is that I must make a _choice_ . A _choice_ is so much harder to do than just being given instructions. I was given instructions. Instructions are simple. Do them or be punished. Her Imperial Majesty’s holy seal is an order and I will see it done. I know I could probably explain this or that to her, but by the time the bureaucracy has her get the papers… the Avatar will return and bury us in accidental avalanches in the name of throwing one too many existential crises. But choosing, figuring out which men will come along and which will not, that takes… effort. 

I emerged from my tower during dinner. The officers in the mess hall stood and kowtowed as one. Everyone was quick to be _the_ first one to speak to me. “Your Majesty” and “Your Majesty” and more “Your Majesty” and more “Your Majesty.” I passed by Lieutenants and Colonels. I passed by the Sergeant Generals whose names I did know, Xingguo who always preferred the tankist’s cap to a formal one, Fengji and his ceremonial scabbard, and the rest. I walked past them all and right up to Song himself. 

“I have decided.” The already quiet room, _the Emperor had arrived_ , doubled down on their silence. _Now, they won’t have side conversations_. “I am taking Guiren’s riders.” The Sergeant General in reference was toasted and given all sorts of complimentary remarks. The table was hammered and goblets hit the air. Song offered courtesies, but the Aged General was no fool for this nonsense. The marksman’s eyes stayed locked on me and my hands. “That won’t be enough, Your Majesty.” I gave a slight head nod. “That is correct. That is not enough to do much.” I knew full well the next action the room would take would be formally groveling. So I cut it all off. “Song, you and I are going to go have a meeting.” The old man stood, handed his wine goblet to an attendant, and followed me out of the party. 

“I would not suggest bringing along my men for the march, Your Majesty.” the Aged General sat opposite I in my watchtower. An attendant arrived to pour us a blend of tea leaves made in the capital and brought all this way for our formal pleasure. _Because opulence must always be maintained._ I gave a quiet prayer to the large painting of the woman in full Imperial clothing sitting above the door, her blind eyes captured in such a way that grant those who know her a calm reprieve -for they are beautiful- and everyone else a sense of unsettling terror. 

“Why not?” I countered. The two of us sipped our tea. “My men don’t know the mountains that well, Your Majesty. The men of the plains and foothills are not the men of the mountains. None of them will be of any use in attacking a city that is mountains on all sides.” What he says is quite true. I didn’t need to compliment him for saying the truth. Winning the war is a compliment unto itself. “Then who would you recommend?” _Because I’m not dragging along the entire entourage of half-competent fools._

“The mountains are inhabited by a strange mix of Colonial settlers and Earth-people who’ve never left. The Colonials had the energy and will to settle there and conquer the frontier and the locals were too hardy to leave.” _Such is what to expect from the Colonies. Always such achievers. Earth-people are better in the wilderness, though_. He continued. “I have a few hundred of them in my garrison.” I don’t think it takes someone like Song to realize, as I said, “A few hundred will not capture a city.” 

He let a small smile escape him. “The people of the mountains kowtow to Her Imperial Majesty, Your Majesty. They will join.” Not one to march blindly into something, the battle south of Fort Wei-Hung taught me that, I stated the question of “Where is the proof?” “They are still loyal to the Badgermole Throne, Your Majesty. The few hundred in my force are all natives of the mountains and yet they bow to statues of Her Imperial Majesty on the daily.” I took Song at his word, for his reputation is like his archery, it has only improved with the years. 

Our numbers went from five to eight thousand. The Colonials and locals in the mountains make up a majority of it. I spent the rest of the evening reading up on what I could learn about them. Song gave the wisdom that “A map does not define what we see”. The men who dwell in these high valleys are best described as being neither Colonial or Earth. 

They were a fusion born of the climate and severe winters. They are rarely seen outside of their home mountains. The most elite of their warriors wield large axes or _dadao_ , the former being the choice of earthbenders and the latter of firebenders while nonbenders can be seen with either. Most carry bows, staffs or spears and axes. They breed ostrich horses made for the climate. They wear leather and furs of the beasts that roam in the shadow of the mountains. As aforementioned, they are not savages or ‘Tribals’ like the Xishan, they kowtow in fealty to the Badgermole Throne. So… while they are dressed like Tribals and they mostly live in scattered villages with a few towns, they have some ‘main’ roads, _still thin_ , and actively trade with the locals on either side of the mountain range using said roads. They’re the giant spiked border between the classical Kingdom boundaries and the Colonial lines. The Colonies run right up to a string of rivers that run along the mountain range’s southwestern and western sides, and the Kingdom’s boundaries run right up to the wall of spikes on the eastern side. 

If there’s one thing personally being dragged across the Empire has shown me, it’s to always listen to the people that have spent their lives somewhere. Those people may be absolutely mad, take the Moon People, but they tend to know their environment better than I. Take the Xishan, who knew that wintertime was when the raids would come. As such, it should come to no surprise, except to the drunks, that I opted to take all the Makapuans I could. This disappointed many of the officers who really, really, _and I mean really really_ , wanted to go with me. Not because they were special or particularly stood out amongst their peers, but they wanted the prestige. Everything’s about the prestige and who goes with whom and when and where. 

As for the tanks and the artillery? Tanks and artillery require fuel. Fuel is hard to transport, and whereas ostrich horse feed can be acquired from most of these villages, there are no mechanized depots in the Makapuan Mountains. There are lots of mustering grounds, but mustering grounds are found in nearly every village with a population of a thousand or more across the entire Empire. I can’t bring them along, unless I want to travel much much further north and try to circumvent the mountains from the north. Which would take forever. And I’d rather select a good team of soldiers to join my march now than wait for the former Lord of Gaoling to pull more Colonies to his side.

Guiren and Fengji were to join me as my commanding officers. Guiren’s able to order around up to twenty five thousand men, which is good for us since we’re only bringing ten. Fengji will find the supplies and make sure we have them. I ordered that we depart at first light the next day. Zhu requested to go spend the evening with his adopted father and I had him go do just that. In the meantime, I had someone to deal with.

Takehisa. A _daofei_ lord and a Royal Fire Army officer. I had a variety of suggestions on what to do to him by a variety of qualified people. Some officers wanted me to throw him to the Dai Li and let them extract all their information from him. _That’d take forever_ . Those officers, the ones from Ba Sing Se, also murmured of turning him to our side with the Dai Li’s powers of manipulation. _That'll take even longer._

Some wanted me to conscript the expert tracker to my cause. Some wanted me to conscript his men. Some officers, the Makapuans, wanted me to immolate him as a sacrifice to Toph. No, really. Because the mountain people worshipping Toph have many beliefs and some or most of those are burnings. In my opinion, he’s never done anything to prove his loyalties to the Badgermole Throne, nor has he yet proclaimed his loyalty to the Badgermole Throne, instead defending that he is a man of the Royal Fire Army. And, afterall, his men are _daofei_ , criminals. 

However, he is also a man of his word. He fought for the Fire Nation long after the Fire Lord ended the war. He was given orders by Ozai and he followed those orders through to the end. Even if it meant he was ruling an uncoordinated mob, he still did it. I respect him and I respect the Colonials and Fire Nationals who followed him. They were following their commander, they survived for two years, and they gave our local forces many defeats. All of this went through my head as I descended from my tower and went down to the main plaza. All of this was going through my head when I ordered my guards to drag him out of his cell and be brought to me. 

The man might’ve been a prisoner, but he wore his topknot with pride. And he walked with pride and a high head. His hands were bound behind him and his legs were shackled together. Zhu arrived bearing my _shuang-shao jian_ in his arms and stood at my side. The rest of the officers and many men were gathered in a large circle. Many firebender prisoners, the ones that were his bodyguards and his strongest loyalists, were allowed to watch him and I meet while their hands were likewise bound and put under a strong guard. Why watch us meet? To see what I was to do next.

“Colonel Takehisa. You were an officer in the Royal Fire Army and you followed your commands to fight in the Colonies until they brought you to me. But the Hundred Year War is over, your side lost, and the ruler of the Colonies is Her Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Empress of the Earth Empire.” I stopped to let him give his reply. “That’s true. My side lost, but my people’s spirit lives on. There are many in the Fire Nation who cling to the old ways and they won’t let them go.” This resulted in the cries, from many men on our side, for him to answer for his crimes. I raised a palm and they all went quiet. “Colonel Takehisa. You have been charged with raiding the countryside. That is punishable by death.” He gave a nod. He knew that. His firebender prisoners watched him nod in acceptance.

“Surrender, have your men swear fealty to the Badgermole Throne and I will grant you freedom.” I could’ve lied to him and pretended that he’d go free, but I chose not to. “You will not be free, you will be under house arrest on a riverside plot of land in the Colonies, and you will lose a hand for your crimes, but you will live.” The Colonel took a deep breath. He never said ‘no’, he said something different. 

“Your Majesty marches forward into an era far worse than the Hundred Year War. I once lived in this stronghold. Back when the Fire Lord was Agni’s Chosen and his word was law. No councils to regent for him. He was never incompetent or awkward, he was _strong_. In New Taku, a backwards illiterate peasant is the Chairman. I don’t want to see what the future brings. An era of chaos.” I maintained a neutral face, but his words stuck. 

I drew my dagger. _Screw what the rest of them want. This was a man of his era_. “Colonel Takehisa, for your years of service to the Royal Fire Army, I grant you the rite to give yourself an honorable end.” His eyes went wide. So did everyone else’s. Murmurs ran rampant and I raised my palm and silenced all. He bowed as deeply as he could in forgiveness. He didn’t say it, but I’m sure to him there was no better end. “I choose Your Majesty as my executioner.” 

He was allowed to be bathed, dressed in white robes for the color of death, and consume a last meal of rice and tea. A small dagger, mine as he didn’t have his, was placed on a stand in front of him for use. He was free of his chains and sat on his knees. I didn’t think he’d do anything, and if he did, we had about a hundred crossbowmen and the Imperial Guard standing around him. If he wanted to light me on fire, sure, he’d blast my face maybe, but he’d die. He offered his prayers to Agni and to his ancestors and drank. The courtyard watched in silence. He took some ink to write up a haiku then read it aloud. 

_Summer is wilting_

_Fall leaves change and winter kills_

_May spring come again_.

Once done, he opened up his white robe and took my blade off the stand. I unsheathed my _shuang-shao jian_ from the scabbard and gripped it with both hands. I held it high and waited for the moment. He took the dagger in his quivering hands, took a few deep breaths… and shoved it into his stomach. It is not right to give a man such a painful death, which is why I was part of the ritual. 

I brought my blade down and cleaved his neck and head from the rest of his body with one clean cut. 

Everyone saw this, but the Fire Nationals and Colonials he led, the prisoners, they _saw_ it. They didn’t need to say anything, I saw how they looked. They have more pride in their commander taking the honorable way out than they would if he had submitted to my wishes. 

In my opinion, a foe who fights for what he believes in and will fight until the bitter end for it, even against all odds, deserves the best possible death. 

There were rumors of officers who were upset at my choice of execution. They wanted him to die in a hundred different fashions. The Makapuans wanted him to be sacrificed to Agni. What they neglected to remember is that I am the Emperor and it was my choice to decide how Imperial Justice is delivered. _Not them_. Some of these officers also claimed that in killing their leader I ‘would’ rile up the prisoners. To counter these officers and their disobedience, I emerged from my tower once again to announce that any of the prisoners who wanted the same kind of ritual execution would get it. Some chose the same way out. Some didn’t. 

The same night I found out that the courtesy I granted to Takehisa motivated many of his prisoners to volunteer to join my party. Why would they? The prisoners claimed that I am just and fair. When I heard this, this stronghold was granted the rare occurrence of me breaking into laughter. As I explained to Taishi, “Irony of ironies. The officers thought the prisoners would rebel and viewed the execution method as beneath them and the prisoners now want to join and they view the execution method as the reason for it.” 

Later, I consulted with Song during Zhu and Song tea-drinking time and Song offered a few words of Song-ism. “Your Majesty gave the enemy officer the best possible death. I would advise against bringing a force of prisoners with you.” As such, I asked for his recommendation. “What would you wish to do, instead?” “I’ll keep the prisoners here and if they demonstrate that they have reformed, I’ll send them west as reinforcements.” I accepted his wisdom, “It sounds reasonable, we can wait with them,” shared a single cup of tea with him and Zhu, then went back to my tower.

I awoke the next day and put together my belongings. The road west would be hard and long. I wouldn’t be able to bring along all my attendants or courtiers. As such, after bathing and putting on my Imperial Armor, I wished most of them goodbye until I return in a few months from this campaign. Some really wanted hugs, since I guess departing from them is hug-worthy. Which is fine, I offered such hugs. I did take a small number of courtiers and attendants, twenty, with me to help tend to my war tent. The rest were to go back to Ba Sing Se and serve the Empress. The rest accepted without any remorse. 

Also as part of this endeavour, I took my matched _jian_ set, my _shuang-shao jian_ , my _guandao,_ my regular normal _jian_ , a bunch of daggers and my bow and multiple quivers. Any other weapons were to be brought back to Ba Sing Se, as if I wasn’t to use them, they belonged in my private armory. Obviously, I took along my betrothal gifts, wearing the fake eye and eyepatch, putting the small painting inside my clothes and wearing the archer’s ring on my thumb. 

The army was already in marching formation and beginning to move out, as per my orders, when I left my tower. I met Song with Zhu and Nan accompanying me. The General offered a full kowtow. “I wish Your Majesty good fortunes in this war. Try to get a couple heads sent back to me.” I snickered, then returned to a more serious face. “I wish the same to you, General Song. It’s thanks to you that I was able to pull off some of my more successful tactics.” “What’s the other part of that ‘some’?” he wondered out loud, acting like a grandfather who missed part of the conversation. “Sheer insanity.” The two of us laughed. After he was done laughing, he remarked that “The creative opponent is the unpredictable one. The unpredictable one faces victory.” 

As per my Imperial order, since the situation in Gangxi has been nipped in the bud, or rather neck, I had ordered that Song will pull together a reserve army to assist with holding the city once it’s captured. 

Then father and adopted son said their goodbyes. “I’ll make you proud, Father.” “I hope so. You’re a _yunjiwei_ and I’m one of the few people alive who gets to say their son is one. So go out there and teach the rest of them how to be a _yunjiwei_!” and he stomped the ground and gave his son a tight hug. “I will try to, Father.” 

We rode away to the sounds of the stronghold shouting “Ten Thousand Years” while punching the air with their spears and _dao_ blades and other weapons. The gongs they sounded echoed up, up, into the mountains around us. 

  
  


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The ascent from Lutianzhen felt as if it took ten _geng_ when it really only took one. When we left, the low Sun of dawn emerged like an actor from behind the metal curtain walls. Ahead of the front, scouts and heralds. At the front, the Imperial Guard rode in perfect formation around and alongside I. We looked like a gilded arrowhead. The fifteen Xishaners that joined us preferred their furs, but accepted wearing Imperial-emblazoned fur capes for organizational purposes. They rode just behind me, acting like my Kyoshi Warriors except wearing browns, and burlier, and less talkative, and also not women. Guiren’s heavy riders I took with me wore fresh armor and carried fresh lances bearing my personal standard and the standard of the Empire side by side. Our supply network of trains and carriage convoys ensured that no man who followed the Emperor into the mountains would go without. Our riders were not alone. They were joined by footmen, men we abandoned for the ride south to relieve the stronghold, men who rejoined them now to assist with duties. 

In front of the gilded arrowhead vanguard marched the Makapuan trackers and guides that Song provided me. Behind the gilded arrowhead and Guiren’s men marched other Makapuans. The richer and more famous ones, they were the best duelists, or the best benders, the difference was unknown, had ostrich horses. The rest marched on foot. 

Behind the column came a baggage line of provisions. Ostrich horses, food, tent supplies, quivers, messenger hawks, and so on. Behind that and taking up the rear were more riders from Guiren and more Makapuan scouts to ensure that no _daofei_ could properly take our possessions. And banners. Banners everywhere. To remind everyone else of which side we’re on in case anyone needs a reminder of that.

The land around us changed as we ascended. When the Sun rose, they were of a variety of spruces and beeches with some oaks and maples. By the time we reached the valley and descended ‘into’ it, the trees were sparser and of three or four kinds of spruce. The mountains didn’t stop climbing higher even when they did. Their shadows consumed us instead of merely being adjacent. We were in some kind of river valley. The road we followed, if you could call it that, _no Central Axis Road this_ , cut it’s way through a thin meadow, suggesting someone carved the land out from either side of the pathway. To our south, our left since we were going west, ran a river. It flowed about as fast as the creek back on Kyoshi Island. Which meant, like the creek, it was home to ponds and places where fish lived. Not that we needed to worry about food. The scouts counted ten quail-ptarmigans crossing the road in the time it took the rearguard to catch up to the rest of us so they’d be able to do their job as rearguard.

After the morning, we spent more time on a slow ascent. The tall peaks were getting shorter. Scouts and men with eyes who can tell distance concluded that the mountains went from being ‘three thousand feet above us’ to being ‘one thousand four hundred feet above us’. Correction, the Makapuans who knew this land were able to tell us near exact estimates. 

We came upon our first village, Chuan-Qi, some time in the late morning. The houses were pitched with lofts for second stories. One house doubled as a blacksmith. Two longhalls sat near the village’s center. In the center of the village sat a large stone statue of Her Imperial Majesty wearing furs. No, really. A _stone statue_ of Her Imperial Majesty clad in furs. Chuan-Qi sat in a large long valley, a valley that bore the same name, that seemed to stretch forever north and southwards. The Makapuans we met kowtowed and volunteered a small number to join our party. I accepted. I asked them why, in polite words, “Her Imperial Majesty was wearing furs.” The Makapuans told me that they prayed to Her Imperial Majesty and adored Toph with… “beautiful preserved deer-moose furs.” Or, in other words: This was the fanciest clothes they could adorn a _stone statue_ with. Credit where it’s due, it captures her likeness.

The map told us to progress west into the mountains, as this long mountain valley went nowhere. Thus the start of the issue of most of these maps: Their roads tell us to go one way when it _seems_ like another way may make more sense. Wide mountain river valleys tend to lead to civilization. So this one ran north-south instead of east-west. However...the scouts told me to continue west, so we did.

As we marched into a thin valley between two large swaths of montane wilderness, the Makapuans pointed out the hundred-foot waterfall just off to our left was Jilian-pu. This waterfall sat at the base of Jilian-shan, which in turn was merely a hill, _it’s actually a mountain_ , when compared to the “Great Guanshan.” Guanshan is some kind of peak that’s… well nobody has ever counted the altitude’s height. In the Makapuan mythology, it is the “Peak that Holds Up the World”, for near the top of the peak stands a statue twenty Consort’s feet tall wielding a _guandao_ and… yeah. Long ago, during an era of warring kingdoms, this folk hero and his _guandao_ fought man and Spirit alike, killing them with his _guandao_ , the Green Dragon Blade. 

A cult of worshippers attend to the statue every week, maintaining it and ensuring the offerings don’t get sent flying by the winds. Some of the greatest Makapuans live just below, _that’s very important,_ just below the treeline on the mountain. They master the spear and the _guandao_ so that, and I quote one of the guides, ‘they may one day descend from the peak and save the realm from strife if needed’. Yes, really. Now… _Why_ didn’t I walk up there and retrieve a few dozen of these men? Their cult of worship forbids roads and it’s a near full day hike _from the nearest road_. They believe in living in harmony in nature. Fun fact, I learned this from one of the guides, there’s another cult that worships at the base of Zhangshan, a different mountain near Guanshan, which apparently consists of a bunch of alcoholics. 

We reached the second village, Bei-Liuxing, in mid-afternoon. Bei-Liuxing had five large peaks around it, not counting the normal mountains. We were met by some kind of Sage clad in furs, a man who emerged from his longhall. Not the best clothing for a Sage but at least it matched the rest of their attire. A Makapuan Sage according to the textbooks. Though, he called himself “A servant of Agni”. _Servant of Agni?_ I inquired as to what in the name of Agni he was talking about and he explained that “Agni gives us inner flames,” and demonstrated this ‘inner flame’ by firebending. Yes, really. He volunteered himself and the rest of his Sages to join us. I might’ve refused the offer, but they all carried bows and I’m of the opinion that archers are essential. So I accepted. 

We reached the third settlement’s outskirts not long after the Sun had set behind the peaks that were ‘only a thousand feet’ above us. I say ‘only’ because that was still a lot. The third settlement was a sizable town. Pinghe-hu. It was surrounded by a ring of mountains. To the town’s north and northeast were two lakes. The larger lake, Pinghe-hu, was further away, had two large islands in the middle of it. The nearer lake, Jing-hu, had none. The town ran along the large lake’s coast with the smaller lake between upland meadow to the northeast and a mountain. This town had a large long house for Sage use like the previous ones. Unlike the rest where I might care to ask, we needed a place to sleep. 

When I informed the town personally of what New Taku had done, a couple hundred people turned out with their furs and bows and quivers and axes and staves. I accepted them all. The Headwoman, Tsukasa, offered many of her Makapuan Sages - “Servants of Agni”- to join us. I saw no problem in this, but as I’ll be reminded of inevitably, I also only have one eye. My riders and I feasted on local provisions and supplies imported from Ba Sing Se. And by feasted I mean we all ate slightly-larger-than-daily portions. I ate a portion the same size as theirs. I went to sleep soon after. 

New Taku was a thousand _li_ from Lutianzhen. One hundred and eight _li_ is how far we walked the first day. It sounds like a lot, that’s because we’re in an army and armies are trained for these long marches. I made a mental note that, based on our predictions: _Nine days to go_.

The next day, the Sun rose from behind three finger-shaped peaks to somewhere in the east. We gathered our supplies, our armor, fresh provisions offered to us, _lots of smoked meats_ , and fresh volunteers. We departed Pinghe-hu to the cheers of gathered villagers and shouts of defeating the rebels. And, curiously, shouts of “May Agni protect Your Majesty!” followed by synchronized chants of “Protect His Imperial Majesty!”. Unlike the previous day, we didn’t need to worry about climbing up a much-steeper-from-above valley. Tsukasa spoke of marching northwest, the scouts confirmed it, and so we did. 

The mountains drew close yet again for the rest of the morning. This kept the Sun hidden. When the mountains opened up again, it was almost noon and we had arrived at another town. The scouts said it was dotted with lakes. This was Fanxing-hu. Fanxing-hu, despite being smaller than Pinghe-hu, was the ‘capital’ of all land within two hundred _li_ of itself. While this small town is a tiny capital for such a large amount of land, it’s due to historical reasons. The scouts told me this is one of the oldest Colonial non-Earth settlements in the Makapuan Mountains, having been built more than a hundred years ago. 

Hey, at least it’s got a street - _the main street_ \- of commerce; blacksmiths and tailors. The town’s Headman, Nukanoto, greeted us to his town of five thousand people outside his Village Hall. Unlike Pinghe-hu, we had no intentions of waiting out and wasting the rest of our day here. The map pointed southwest and the only main ‘road’, _context is everything_ , out of the town led southwest. Two hundred more joined us, ten of which had their own ostrich horses and ten others of which were Makapuan Sages. The crowds cheered and called on Agni to protect ‘Her Imperial Majesty’s Champion’, with the Makapuan contingent in our army shouting back “Protect us!”

The whole march southwest for the rest of the day, we had mountains on the left and a thin long lake, Xiafanxing-hu, on the right. The mountains were, according to the scouts, about one thousand five hundred feet above us. They ran like a retaining palisade wall, never giving any space for us to see what lay hidden behind them. _The answer was yet more valleys._ The Xiafanxing-hu narrowed into a river at one point and went wide enough to wrap around a mountain across from us at another. Speaking of, across from Xiafanxing-hu, a lake of supposedly a hundred islands, were eight, yes eight, different valleys. Most were nothing more than gaps between the mountains but the sixth was wide enough to support a village. Just to the west of where the lake wraps around a mountain sat said sixth valley. In said valley, a cluster of houses.

This was _not_ a village. There was no Headman or Headwoman. There were hunter’s cabins, _normal_ , to-be-lived-in log cabins, a long pitched house for spiritual purposes and, as with the rest, a large stone statue of the Empress wearing fancy furs. Because, as Makapuan Sage Fujiko, the twenty-something is one of the more pious and famous ones, told me, “Wherever we go, we make sure Her Imperial Majesty is there to watch us and for us to pray to, Your Majesty. Or, should I say, Her Imperial Majesty’s Champion.” and she offered a thin smile. 

I didn’t know if I was lightheaded because she implied that Toph has eyes that work or because we’d ridden all day without rest. “And… how does this relate to Agni?” “Agni grants His Chosen the Mandate and protects His Chosen, His Chosen selected Your Majesty to be the Champion, so Your Majesty wields the protection of Agni.” _Right._ I rubbed the eyelid that had a real eye underneath. _Right. No… I’m lightheaded and need to sleep._

So I ordered we all halt and everyone got a few _fen_ to eat and drink while in the saddles. A few local hunters offered to join us, having heard all the ruckus, come down to see the earth coin banner, and volunteered to join. So they did, because hunters are good archers, and good archers are good soldiers, usually. Besides, they can contribute to the small army of trackers we have. With my mind back somewhere it belongs, we went on. 

Night gathered fast. The Sun set behind the peaks of a broken ridge -separated by lakes- to our west. Or northwest, it didn’t matter. The scouts told me we should set up camp when the Sun set, I told them “Every _fen_ further we go today is a _fen_ less we go tomorrow.” When asking most of the men, they replied that they were motivated to march ‘A bit further’, to use the words of Taishi. So I snapped my ostrich horse reins and we went on. 

The Makapuans that had joined us warned that “Once Your Majesty passes the village of Xuexie-hupo going southwest, there isn’t another village for a half-day’s march.” So I looked at the Imperial Guards, then at the riders. They looked tired, but they looked confident. “Then,” I turned my one-eyed gaze back towards one of the Makapuan ‘officers’, a man in slightly fancier furs wearing some kind of bird’s beak as a necklace ornament, “-we’ll just have to walk for another half a day.” The Imperials punched the air and yelled “Ten Thousand Years!” in cheers. 

We rode into the small town of Mumin-hupo. Yes, small town. Slightly larger than Fanxing-hu. This also had a commercial street. An archetype of the Colonial-built villages, they’re built in a grid -usually- if on flat land. Well… the land here wasn’t perfectly flat, but it was flat enough. So the Colonies built their little grid village, then those grid roads run straight to their current terminus. A few thousand live in Mumin-hupo. However, due to the late evening, we only earned some forty-odd recruits and four Makapuan Sages. I didn’t want to waste the Headwoman’s time, so we didn’t hold some fancy dinner or feast. _I want to march as far as we can_. We were pointed in the right direction. We could’ve gone northwest… towards Yu Dao, but that wouldn’t be useful. So we set off on the one and only southwestern path… but this time, a pyre was set up and lit, a pyre to Agni, requesting protection for our journey.

As with before in the same day, we had a long lake to the right and a mountain range to the left. And when I say right and left, I mean that the edge of the lake was one stone’s throw, _thank you Taishi_ , to the right and that the mountains began their ascent maybe a hundred feet to our left. The mountain forests grow an eerie kind of dark at night. No twinkling lights, _anywhere_. There aren’t any road lanterns and we never saw travellers going in the opposite direction. There were lots of little cabins that ran along the shoreline when the road wasn’t directly adjacent to it, but none of them were occupied. The Makapuans informed me that these were fishing huts used by the people of Mumin-hupo. 

An Imperial Guard counted seven _dian_ from the last of the small town’s grid boundaries to when we finally made it to the end of this lake. Three proper cabins and one Empress statue waited for us there. It was pitch black out. Seeing Toph’s likeness made me dismount, suddenly notice the ache in my thighs, _that’s what riding will do to people_ , and kowtow to her. As camp was set up, I was told we marched one hundred twenty two _li_ . _Which means: Eight days to go_ . 

My personal pavilion was erected and my officers invited inside for drinks and planning. Aside from Taishi and Zhu, we had Guiren and Fengji, their officers, and the Makapuan Sages and ‘officers’. These officers weren’t men with fancy court clothes, they were dressed like all their fellows except with iron helmets or the occasional hunting ornament. They were militia leaders. The Imperial officers wanted to press on westward at first light. Nobody was ever going to talk up to me, they were going to talk amongst each other and merely propose suggestions to me. Sometimes. 

Changyan, one of Guiren’s, a short man with a block-like face, was talking about “Doubling our speed to reach New Taku in four days!” Tatsuo, a man with a nose broken many times and one eyebrow, one of the militia leaders, countered something about appeasing the Empress and the Spirits. No, really. 

Fujiko, who was granted the right to sit at my table next to Taishi and Zhu and Guiren and Fengji, told me that “We pray to Her Imperial Majesty to grant us a sign so that we may succeed.” As it turns out, not only do they burn offerings, they genuinely think Toph has the ability to impact their decision-making. She’s made out to be akin to one of the Spirits. _Yes. Really._ They also, and far more commonly, offer prayers to Agni using her statues so that she may ‘watch’ them. I don’t know if I can possibly explain it. _I’ll try_.

Toph wields the Mandate of the Spirits. But...while she controls _some_ Spirits, she is a servant of Agni. Because Agni is faceless, appearing as just flames. they pray to her like I would pray to Kyoshi in the name of all my ancestors. It’s both acts of prayers towards her for being the monarch and towards Agni. Agni apparently grants blessings to devoutly pious individuals. This does not mean, in their eyes, that the rest of the Spirits are benevolent. The Water Spirits are evil, for water quenches fire and Agni is the fire. Not just ‘a’ fire, he is _the_ fire. He grants all those who follow him an inner flame. Some can bend it. In short, they pray to Agni with idols of my bethrothed and ask said Agni for protection from his archrival, ‘the Water Spirits’.

Some time after dinner was done, I walked back to my tent. Just next to it, I heard what sounded like someone stubbing their toe against reality. Due to proximity, I decided to walk over and check it out. Pulling open the tent flap… I found that Fujiko was receiving her blessings. They weren’t the kind of prayers I was looking for, but one of my men apparently was. Or… I can’t really use that analogy. She was asking for blessings and one of my men was granting those blessings, and she felt those blessings really get deep inside her and had to vocalized how much she liked those blessings… until I opened the flap. _Thanks, Tophenisms_. 

The woman splayed out like a rug spotted me and shrieked involuntarily. Feeling inspired by Toph’s way of wording things, I quipped “That’s an interesting wrestling match you’re having there.” The Imperial Guard spun around, tripping on his undergarments that were wrapped around his legs, rose from his sorry excuse of embarrassment, and begged forgiveness. The Sage tried to find something to cover her… very sweaty self… with. Sadly for her, her under-tunic was ripped up. The holy Makapuan Sage _did_ have her prayers answered, and I could _not_ be bothered to spend more time here. Before I departed, I looked at the two of them once more. “I take it you two had a good time?” By sheer accident, or maybe from being numb, Fujiko said “I… yes, Her Imperial Majesty’s Champion would be a much better time, but yes.” _Right. Got it._ I didn’t even think what she said through, I just threw the tent flap down behind me and left them to their wrestling, much to their shocked bewilderment.

The Sun did not grace us on the morning of Day Three. I woke to the sounds of crow-ravens cawing and robin-cardinals singing their choral tunes. I exited my tent to see the sky change color. A single tall peak was but a hundred feet to the east of the encampment. It hid the dawn rays from us. The scouts reported it was a thousand two hundred feet tall and had a valley to its east and a string of mountains further on. _Thanks for all that information_ . The men gathered for morning prayers. The Makapuans to their handheld statues and… _more on that later_ , the Imperials in kowtows to the Empress and the Xishaners in their blood rituals. Uzluk caught a crow-raven and slit it open for all fifteen of them to enjoy and be anointed with. I was busy getting dressed.

Within a _dian_ of my waking, the gilded arrowhead was on the move and the fur-ladened shaft soon after in pursuit. This odd collection of Makapuans, Imperial riders from Ba Sing Se and Imperial Guards now included camp followers, mostly women, who were following their husbands -or their lovers- southwestward. I don’t know where they thought they were going, we’re marching towards a city to put it under siege, but if I threw away everyone’s lovers… all the Makapuans would probably rout. 

The first three _dian_ of the march passed with the entire formation kept in the shadow of peaks. One mountain was named for its cone top, the rest went unnamed. We spotted a few hunting cabins, all lived in, located in little alcoves built a hundred Consort’s feet into the woods. The Sun graced us with it’s redeeming rays in the fourth _dian_. Why only then? The peaks collapsed and gave way to a small pond, the eroded stone sign called it Famingjia. Duck-geese with dirty brown markings were gathering on the far end of the pond. On the other side of our road, meanwhile, sat a building with a faded sign hanging from above the door: Yuxiaowu. 

This was a travelling lodge. Small groups or individuals can stop off and grab a drink and a room from the dozen-odd cabins behind the lodge proper. The caretaker was the kind of middle-aged woman who was too old to have kids but young enough to still have flowing exquisite brown hair. I don’t remember her name, but her husband was off hunting and her first and second born sons were with him. Her daughter was living in the next village down the road. She told us it was a half-day’s march to get there, which just reinforced the warning from the previous day about the long road ahead. As we were all still quite full of energy, we progressed after I bought up some of her provisions, tea, and overpaid so she wouldn’t starve in the winter.

The rest of the morning had us cross a east-west valley that included the pond and lodge, then go between two rows of hills. Either row was but two hundred feet above us according to the Makapuans. The thick forests on either side and the low slope meant we didn’t see them, so it felt like we were still in the valley. The Sun slowly moved across the sky, but not far enough to escape the conifers. Beams of light wound occasionally strike me in the middle of the road. During the march, the Makapuan Sages told us of an irregular thin long pond to our west. They felt that this was some sort of holy site due to it being a pond and yet being thin. 

“It’s shaped like a scar”, that’s what Fujiko, the woman who looked extra happy while riding on the ostrich horse saddle, said. To this, I told her “If it’s just a pond, it’s not that holy.” She insisted that it was holy _because_ it was a scar. To this, I said “A scar isn’t holy. It’s a scar.” She didn’t listen to reason. She was busy sending oogie-eyes down to one of my Imperial Guards. I didn’t care enough to punish her. As I said earlier, if I punished or left behind every single lover’s lover, we’d lose most of our army. 

The pathway thinned out to being a bridge only wide enough to support a carriage. On the opposite side, a village with yet another Empress statue, probably tall enough to be seen from the capital. The bridge cut an absolutely massive, yet thin, lake in two. This was not the thin pond from earlier, this was Changhu, the lake. Taishi guessed we could see ten _li_ in either direction. All along the coast of said lake and all the way down to the end, hills on either side. There was one large hill just to the north, a couple large hills to the far southwest. As with the rest of the march, said hills were covered with trees, mostly firs and spruces, and there wasn’t a single bare peak to be spotted.

Changhu was also the name of the village we were approaching. This village hugged the southeastern bank of the lake. It was developed enough to have a marina retaining wall built out of the toil of earthbenders. It seemed to be an old wall, judging by the single file line of trees growing out of it. The village was undeveloped enough that the northern side of the village lacked its own retaining wall for the north-face marina. As the Village Headwoman met me outside the Changhu Village Hall, a steep roofed structure two hundred Consort’s feet long and fifty wide with a natural chimney and old furs hanging on the doors, the rest of my men crossed the bridge. Slowly, at that. 

While she granted me volunteers, another thirty men and women and some Sages, I thought about that bridge. I thought and thought and realized that I am bringing along an elite force of earthbenders. The Imperial Guard are capable of punching giant rocks at a flying object and hitting it with pretty-good-for-the-circumstances-accuracy. And that was an old bridge. And I had earthbenders. And if we helped these locals, we’d help the reinforcing army that will trail us. So I had an idea.

I took my lunch on the mount while the Imperial Guard got to work revitalizing the bridge and expanding it to become something… better. The road on either side was wide, no Central Axis Road, and yet the bridge to connect the two was thin. I asked my men to make the bridge as wide as the road. Taishi took volunteers first and most of the Imperial Guard ended up volunteering. I didn’t sit on the sidelines for this. After eating a small portion of jerky from Ba Sing Se, the same portion my men get, I dismounted and helped with something… different. The Imperial Armor isn’t the best for perpetual log-chopping and the axe I was using wasn’t of the highest quality either. I removed the armor and stripped down to my undershirt and informal pants so I wouldn’t sweat myself to death. And got to work.

There was no point to chop wood for the bridge, the Imperial Guard had everything up to and including the railings covered, but I wanted to offer this village something else at the same time. Winter would be a few months away and I knew quite well, thanks to growing up on Kyoshi Island, that firewood was a necessity. So I worked on cutting down these mighty black spruces then hacked them into logs for hearths, fireplaces and storage. Seeing me do this, many of the native Makapuans joined in to help the -large- village of Changhu out. I stopped when the Imperial Guard finished their work. All in all, I started in the shadows of these trees and stopped in the sunlight bearing down from the south. Everyone who wasn’t us feasted on their local humble lunches of berry, fish and deer-rabbits, a native of these mountains, or cheered us on. And by us, I mean mostly myself. 

I went to wash myself in the lake, I accrued a healthy layer of sweat from all this, and encountered maybe five or six young women who were… interested… let’s say, in me. They weren’t interested enough to turn the lakeside into a Pu-On Tim play, but I saw how they looked at me. For once I could understand why, I did just ensure their survival this winter by providing more firewood. Then again, they were all built like people who were more than capable of obtaining their own resources. I finished washing up, grabbed my clothes and donned them, collected my belongings and collected my men, and prepared to ride off. Yet, I had one thing to do first. 

Hucheng had a messenger hawk station. A watchtower with ports for the hawks to fly into. I decided to send a messenger hawk east and out of the mountains to inform General How of what was happening. I told him where I was, the village name and the list of villages I had travelled past on my way to here, and told him I’d be at the gates of the city within two weeks. I also sent my regards to the Empress and asked her -Kotyan will ask her in my stead- if she’d like any gifts from the Makapuan Mountains as I’d be in them for the next few days. Then I sent the scroll off, mounted up, and began the ride southwest.

As those of us who had worked hard rode after our back-half, one _very_ interested woman rode up to me on her built for the mountains ostrich horse and asked to join my attending staff. The attendants weren’t here and I was glad they weren’t. The irony being that most of the village women were totally normal individuals. Of course, the histories will say that _all_ these village women, having nobody to interact with most of their lives, would be as desiring as this one particular woman. The truth, stranger than folktales, is that I’d guess this woman -and all others before her and to come- wanted to join a party, a man, who travels the Empire and in her case, everything she’d ever want is paid for so long as she does menial tasks correctly, precisely and efficiently. 

Zhu recommended against it, Taishi whispered that ‘if nothing else, you’ve got her eternal loyalty’. I stuck to my beliefs and rejected her. She took it quite well, insisting that I’d always be welcome ‘to’ her and informing me of how… _interested_ … she was feeling at that very moment. And by interested I mean I think I need a bath. I thanked her for her persistence, snapped my ostrich horse’s reins, and sprinted away from the winking lady. My men followed suit.

We ended up riding along the southeastern bank of this lake for much of the mid-afternoon. All along the bank were cabins. Some were lived in right now, some were just for seasonal hunting. Racks of fresh meat were out on the fires, smoking. The opposing bank, when we could see it through the thick forest, gradually grew nearer. The road turned southeast just as the lake became a slow river. One of the Imperial Guards, the jeweler’s son, had to correct himself, this was thirteen _li_ from Changhu, not ten. I accepted his apology and encouraged him to laugh a little for making a tiny error. Taishi did his laughing for him. The road went into a mixed spruce and pine forest. To our left, the northeast, a hilly ridge grew from a hill. Not that we saw it, the forest was quite thick, as was becoming usual. 

We caught up to the rest of the army in the late afternoon. The Sun stayed high to our west for most of it, which was a nice boon for once. The southeast road, the only road, weaved it’s way between the tall hills to our left and a sprinkling of ponds to our right. This meant we were going southeast one _fen_ and southwest the next. The Makapuan Sages, namely Fujiko, informed us that the large hill to our left, a sloped hill with four smaller hills forming what looked like two horns and two blades jutting west in some kind of war map brought to life, was Lanshan. Not to be confused with Lan Shan, the commandery. This was simply Lanshan, a famous mountain. Lanshan gave its name to Lanshan-Hu, the large village located on the southeastern edge of Lanshan-Hu, the lake. _I know it’s confusing._

Lanshan-Hu the lake supposedly has thirty islands. I didn’t see any of them. The sun was kissing the top of the blackish-green spruces, an orange-pink by the time we’d gotten to Lanshan-Hu, the large village. At first glance, the village was notable for having a whole slew of spiritual sites to pray at. An Agni shrine, _okay so there are shrines to Agni, but they’re part of the Fire Nation beliefs not the Makapuan Spirituality,_ two different Earth Spirit shrines and let us not forget, a large statue of the Empress made of local stone and decorated with the fanciest local furs. 

We had to encamp here as night falls fast in the mountains. Only after I gave the order did the Makapuan Sages, namely Fujiko, tell me that this large village had a disproportionate number of inns and taverns. The entire southeastern cove of Lanshan-Hu, the lake, was covered in them. They stretched from north of the village grounds to west of it. Many of these inns and taverns transformed into a different, easily predictable, structure once the Sun disappeared and twilight set in. Yet again, I only learned too late.

I was in one such tavern, the Drunk Dragon, getting local food. _Note, everyone else had Lushan Ale to enjoy_ . I made it a personal objective of mine to rely on the locals as much as possible and give gold to them as much as possible. Not for some charity, but because it meant we didn’t have to chip away large chunks of our well-preserved provisions and refreshments carried all the way from Ba Sing Se and it meant that they wouldn’t starve come winter. I was buying some duck-goose, a leg of duck-goose and a bowl of berries, _I know, how Imperial and formal of me_ , when the tavern keeper introduced the… ahem, late night course. 

This late night course was, as I should’ve predicted, brothel-maids. Now. Now. I may be the Emperor, or more correctly the Emperor, Imperial Consort, One-Eyed Badgermole, Imperial Commander of the Campaign Against Rebels in New Taku, Slayer of Shinji, and Generalsbane, _for killing so many officers_ , among others, and therefore should execute all of my men… 

...But I could totally understand why the small army of burly Imperial Metalbender Guards who had toiled all day on a bridge would like some relief from such hard bridge-building duties. That being said, I, the Emperor, Imperial Consort, One-Eyed Badgermole and all that, did not have the appetite for women dressed in lover’s robes sitting on people’s laps. I laughed along with the rest of them when some Imperial Guard, who it was didn’t specify, ‘threatened’ to buy one of these people to sit on _my_ lap. Well… then he did it, and some woman sat down on my lap. I yawned, as I had more interesting things to do. I politely had her get off, I took my piece of duck-goose, a pouch of berries and a refilled flask of whiskey, left my sanity behind, and walked outside into the night sky. 

The salmon-bass scar crossed the sky. It was as vibrant and bright as that fateful night we crossed the Agrarian Zone in a frenzied panic to try and stop the Fire Nation’s advances. Just like back then, it was able to cast our shadows on the ground. A falcon-owl hooted somewhere in the dense forest across the road from us. Almost anywhere else I’ve seen on my travels, this main road would be insignificant. And yet, up here in the mountains, this is the artery that connects the villages to one another and the villages to the lowlands to the east. I took to enjoying the night sky, so starry, so humbling, for a long time. Taishi interrupted me to ask if I cared about my men partaking in the amenities of a brothel, I told him “They’re free to do as they wish as long as what they do follows Kyoshi’s Ethics.” That was true, I didn’t care that much. _Just let me have my peace and quiet_.

Lanshan-Hu had so many taverns and inns because it was one of the most famous towns, _er, villages_ , in the Makapuan Mountains. As more than one brothel-maid was happy to tell me, she’s served, _served_ , people from all across Dahexi and the northwestern Empire. She once served some noble from ‘the plains country near Ba Sing Se’. This crossroads is well-known by the landed nobility as a pristine vacation -and… _other purposes_ \- spot. Many of the houses in the mountains around the village are owned by nobles from as far away as Dongfang. The locals act as caretakers for the property and are paid handsomely for what amounts to quite easy work.

I can see why someone would want to come up here. The summertime nights run that perfect median between cool and chilly. I laid out on the grass for at least a _dian_ , enjoying the fresh air, wearing nothing more than my informal clothes, and I felt comfortable. The whole ride west and southwest from day one until now, we’ve inhaled fresh mountain air and the air of conifers. The best scents. I could only imagine how someone with the ability to see further than I thanks to Seismic Sense would view this place. 

I won’t lie. I took my thumb ring off and held it tightly. Then I took my painting out of my pocket and cradled it in my hands. _One day soon, Toph._ Kyoshi Island is still my first choice as a place to go but the Makapuan Mountains… they stretch on. And on. And on. _And on_ . _One day soon, Toph. Maybe I’ll take you up here and we can go vacationing here_ . Nan was out there sitting next to me and he gave a soft _whine_ before licking my hands. _Thanks Nan._ I gave him a few head-scratches as a ‘thank you’ for being the best of good boys and he greatly appreciated it. He tackled me and we laid there for a while. I smiled at him and sighed when I realized that I couldn’t just do that vacation with Toph _now_ , I’d have to wait. In total for day three, we marched seventy eight _li_. 

Day Four started with the Sun rising out of the ridge of mountains so far to our east that they appeared like little spikes. The men prayed, _more on that later_ , I prayed, we donned our clothes and gathered our equipment. Lanshan-Hu had two roads to follow. The southwestern one and the eastern one. According to the local Makapuans, the southwestern one does not go far enough south, instead reaching an older colony some distance north of New Taku but south of Yu Dao. We need to go even further south, which we can do by going east and then south. This was all counted as being part of the thousand _li_ journey. After picking up another hundred Makapuan volunteers and a few Sages amongst them, the procession began anew. Many locals were ecstatic at the chance to see us off.

The second-best if not best earthbender force passing through a town is a once-in-a-generation if not once-in-a-lifetime occurrence since only recently has the Badgermole Throne taken a personally involved stance in war. I can understand why these villagers would be so elated. That didn’t mean I wanted to _know_ . Thanks to Taishi, I learned that many villagers were also interested in me. _Is it the auburn hair? The shuang-shao jian?_ Maybe, maybe not. Again, I didn’t really think that hard about it since _I’m kind of busy here_.

With some seven hundred _li_ to go, we had seven days march ahead of us. Thanks to my verbal edicts of approval the previous night, the soldiers’ spirits were as high as they’d ever been. Their remarks of gratitude were genuine and passion-fueled. I was happy to see them happy. The Archives taught me that motivated men march faster. _So maybe six days instead of seven?_ We departed to the droves of happy Lanshan-Hu-ers crying “Ten Thousand Years!” and kowtowing while our riders and Imperial Guards maintained perfect riding formation. 

The Sun nearly blinded us for most of the ride from Lanshan-Hu to Xiaodi-Hu. The mountain of Lanshan was far more noticeable from it’s south face than from it’s western face, if you could call it that even. According to the Makapuans, the hills to our right, the south, were unnamed. They, like the others, were coated in thick forests of mixed woods with the conifers standing out as being something uniform. We passed Chijiuhu, a thin lake that the locals claim is shaped like a minnow-trout. I have no idea if that’s true or false, I am not flying overhead. This lake was six _li_ long and had but a few cabins along the northern side. These weren’t the noble’s cabins, these were for fishers and hunters. Judging by one of the chimneys producing smoke and the rich, beautiful, smell of wood smoke, I’d say one such cabin was currently in use. 

The rest of the journey east took up much of the rest of the morning. Hills to both sides dispersed to become a scattered collection of bogs hiding between the trees. And also hills, but less hills. _Still just as many trees. And trees, and more trees. Lovely tree scents, yes. But the trees._ Not that the details of bogs and _trees and more trees_ concerned us, this road was well paved and wide enough to support our long convoy of thousands. 

Xiaodi-Hu was a large village built by someone with knowledge of town planning. The ‘main’ road ran perfectly east-west with a north-south road starting in the middle of the main one and going south from there. This large village had two lakes around it, one just to the north of the village past a small yet-to-be-slashed forest and one running from it’s northeast to its south east of the village. The Village Headman greeted us as the others did and offered us some twenty locals who’d like to join. A few even had their own ostrich horses. In exchange, not that we needed to exchange anything with them, I bought up most of their spoilable foods and passed equal portions out to everyone. After the rest of the army and it’s followers had consumed the small amount of berries, I took the same handful of berries and downed them. We had to go east to go south because the road to our south was flooded out by what the Headman called a perpetual landslide. I asked the Imperial Guards and we agreed that trying to cut through what the Headman called ‘a waterfall of rocks’ would be far too much work for us. As such, we decided to head east. Had we gone south, not counting the landslide, we’d be following a lake that takes half-a-day’s march to pass by. 

Xiaodi-Hu’s bridge was wide enough to support our forces. This is in part due to the ‘lake’ we were crossing being far thinner than the one in Changhu. We marched southeast on a road that couldn’t decide if it was going east or southeast. The scouts told us there were a half-dozen ponds in the woods off to our sides. None of them had names. As we passed the last of these ponds, the woods adjacent to us turned into a rotund bog. It stank of that bog smell.

And yet, _and yet_ , Fujiko decided _this_ bog was an important bog for some spiritual “I saw a vision in the flames” reason. She asked to dismount. I told her “If you’d like to dismount, dismount. Catch up to us by nightfall.” She took this as a word of approval, then dismounted her ostrich horse, one of her Sages held it for her, stripped into what I have to guess is her favorite clothing style judging by previous days of styles, _nothing_ , and dunked herself in a _bog_. A bog with all the peat moss and miniature pines. A real bog. 

And she’s there, her long hair undone and flowing down to parts of her that should really possess clothes, in this bog. A bog. She gave some kind of prayer to Agni, and all the Sages and Makapuans we were with decided to start chanting “Agni! Protect Her Imperial Majesty!” at the same time, much to the confusion of everyone normal in this party. Before anyone else could ask to join her, I snapped my ostrich horse’s reins and set off. 

She returned fully dressed and smelling of unwashed peat moss. Not the best of smells. The Imperial Guards who directly followed me were making jokes about how “We should call her the Sage of the Bogs.” The other one, whose voice I recognized from the other night, remarked that “She’s like cactus-fruit. Hard on the outside, soft and sweet on the inside.’ The others made fun of him for “Wouldn’t you know, Shuo,” and I pondered whether to get involved or not. When they started mocking her for her completely outlandish spiritual practices, I raised my hand and said “Enough of this” in a calm tone. The Imperial Guards laid off immediately. 

Fujiko _did_ smell like a bog, but I didn’t want to upset the kind-of ‘ruler’ of the Makapuan forces. Because that’s what she was. She never said it, but after a few days and nights of knowing her, she’s always the one leading them in prayers. She’s the one that lights the prayer bonfire or pyre with her firebending. She’s also quite clever, being perceptive of which Imperial Guards like her and which don’t. The one that she took a liking to the most, or perhaps liked her the most, is Shuo. Shuo is the man who keeps stumbling into her tent every night. 

Beishui, _or Bei-shui_ , the part we saw, is a village built next to a fast-moving river that ran from somewhere nameless in the mountains to the north of us, past the village and eastwards from there. The road we took was made from a hunting trail that ran along the southern bank of the river. The houses cropped up over time. One of the few instances of farmland I’ve spotted since we entered the Makapuan Mountains was to the south of Beishui. Sadly for us, we mostly only saw the northern thin stretch of houses, which were mostly fishers’ cabins. Unlike previous cabins, these ones were lived in. I spotted some fishermen and fisherwomen down by the shore, or on the lake with their little canoes. Every single cabin had two canoes.

Most of Beishui, the land to the south of us, was built in a semi-chariot’s wheel layout with a semi-circle ‘hub’ road and some five ‘spokes’ running out from it. The part we did see included a messenger hawk tower. The road that connects Beishui from Northern Beishui, _not Bei-Beishui,_ is one of the most well maintained roads I’ve seen recently. There were marks of fresh earthbender-fueled paving, the lack of trees to either side of the path, the flatness, the lack of cracks or indentations of any kind, and so on. Despite this, we couldn’t go south that way. 

Correction, the Makapuan scouts told us we _could_ go south that way. The Village Headman, a man with a trout-bass slung over his shoulder, told us “If Your Majesty wants to go south the fast way, Your Majesty can be far south of Mianbaoshifu-fang in a half-day instead of a full day’s march.” However, because there’s got to be a however, he added that “it is an old hunting trail that has not been trimmed since last fall.” I had half a mind to draw my _jian_ and inquire why the negligence was allowed, but I stayed my hand and instead calmly asked “Why hasn’t it been taken care of?” My tone made him visibly shake. “We… don’t… use it, Your Majesty.” That was enough of an answer for me. _This is the middle of the wilderness, things won’t always be trimmed or prim and proper_. I thanked him for his help, he calmed down just a little, and he offered ten volunteers to join me. None had ostrich horses. I accepted them all because they’re locals and they understand the terrain.

I took a late-afternoon camp near the banks of the river. While others went fishing, or stretched their legs, or both, I opened up a local Makapuan-made map, it didn’t connect to the outside lands at all, _good job, surveyors_ , but did have all the names of almost every village with more than five hundred dwellers in it. And most of the roads. Between Beichuan, that’s the next village along our path and maybe two _dian_ ’s march from us, and Chaojia, that’s the town far to our southwest that the north-south road in Xiaodi-Hu _was_ supposed to go to, was a one hundred and six _li_ march that the map calls ‘The Gauntlet’. There’s only one village between the two, Mianbaoshifu-fang, and it’s closer to Beichuan than Chaojia. If I chose for us to take the hunting trail, we’d turn that long march into one half as long. We’d still be deprived of any villages along the path, but we’d be saving time. On the counter, the road wasn’t maintained and according to the Headman, ran through a gorge. _Play it safe or play it fast?_ Since we had about two weeks to make it to New Taku, I opted to play it safe. 

The Sun had disappeared behind the high hills to our southwest. We marched forward in shadow. Fog rolled in and prevented us from knowing when day became night. All we knew was that the hills above us were shaded in clouds and that we marched through a similar grey mist. Was it a _dian_ , _was it three?_ , later, a scout rode up to us telling me that we were coming up to Beichuan. Beichuan was a large village. It was built on the junction of the river from earlier and two different roadways. The northwest-southeast road we were on and a north-south road. If we went further southeast, we’d be in the lowlands, Gangxi, in two days. We don’t _want_ to be in Gangxi, though. _We want to be in New Taku._ As such, we had to take the north-south road south, south, then curve around the mountain, 

Beichuan may have been the same size as the ‘capital’ of this region, Fanxing-hu, but it felt much bigger. Like in Mumin-hupo, the houses were built side-by-side, more emblematic of a proper town than most of the villages we’ve seen. There were a few inns to be had and one large Village Hall. Unlike previous places, the western portion of the town, a flat piece of land, was home to a large staging ground of sorts. When asked, this was a place where locals from across this region, _note, I have no idea what ‘region’ Fujiko is referring to, all of the Makapuan Mountains or just Beichuan?,_ gather to train. There were also large stables. And I learned that offerings are given to a large bonfire also built in this flat area. This happens to be one of the largest bonfires in the entire mountain range, and something of a holy site to the Makapuans. I learned this as I learned many other things: _experience_. While our mounts were being tended to and our men were tending themselves to dinner, I followed Fujiko over to the staging area because she wanted me to watch the prayers since I was the Emperor and had a close connection with the Empress.

“Agni! Protect Her Imperial Majesty!” and Fujiko began a circular motion with her arms. “She’s…” my jaw dropped. The Imperial Guards watched me recoil in involuntary terror as I watched what she did. “I know that move!” I shouted, staggering and falling backwards. Her circular motion… _I knew what that’d be_.

Her arms wheeled around and she _drew lightning_ from her fingertips. 

She brought her hands together and directed the lightning at the bonfire, firing a single strike at it. A great crack-boom as part of the bonfire was splintered off… and the rest was sent ablaze. _Like lightning hitting a tree_ . As it burned, the villagers, and the Makapuan soldiers, _‘soldiers’_ , in my army broke into cheers. The Imperial Guards, namely Taishi, helped me up.

“Protect us from the Water Spirits!” she yelled, raising her hands up. A single chant, “Protect us!,” from the mass. The whole group got on their knees and kowtowed towards the burning bonfire. The Sage grabbed a sacrifice, some meat, and threw it onto the bonfire. At the same time, she sang “Your Imperial Majesty, protect us!” And the followers chanted “Protect us!”. Fujiko sang “Agni! Do not let our inner flames go out!” and the followers chanted “Protect us!” 

Then she turned towards the retinue of a dozen and one wolf-dog, _no, me_. I realized it at the last moment. She bowed to me, calling out. “His Imperial Majesty!” Before I could respond, she continued the prayer. “Your Imperial Majesty’s Champion!” The followers got out of their kowtows and turned towards me. And bowed. “Protect us!” they chanted while holding their hands up. “Grant Your Imperial Majesty’s Champion strength!” The followers chanted “Grant him strength!” 

My good eye darted to Uzluk, he was picking some meat off a stick and giving this… woman a sideways glance. He looked like he saw sorcery, but was too quiet to say anything. My good eye then darted to Taishi, and he looked bewildered. Then I looked at Zhu and he maintained a neutral face but I _saw_ the ‘what in the name of the Spirits is this?’ look in his two good eyes. A very spiritual man, in the classic _yunjiwei_ style… watching a lightningbender light a pyre and burn what she called ‘An offering to Agni!’, a slab of meat. 

Fujiko went back to her scream-singing. “Protect us from the forces of New Taku, for they are with the Water Spirits!” The followers kowtowed towards me, chanting “Protect us!”. _What?_ Now I didn’t bother hiding it, I looked at my companions. “New Taku’s got Water Tribe support?” “Not that we know of,” Taishi replied, confidently. _That’s what I thought of._ I tried shouting “How do you know that?” but Fujiko didn’t seem to be receptive to the ‘champion’ of this little spirituality here. Instead, she scream-sang “Agni, grant us strength to crush the Water Spirits!” and the followers chanted “Agni, grant us strength!” All the while, her fire brightly burned, billowing forty feet into the sky. 

She took a waterskin, or what looked to be one, from the hands of a fellow Sage. Then a different Sage, some young man wearing a _jian_ scabbard, walked up to her. She pulled the blade from the scabbard. She poured the waterskin into a cloth, then wiped the cloth onto the blade, then touched her hand to the blade.

The blade was set alight. “Your Imperial Majesty's Champion! Come here and retrieve your blade!”. I looked at my men, then at her. Nobody gave any reason why I shouldn't, so I walked over to her... and took the _jian_ in my sword hand. Without anyone telling me what to do, I raised my blade.

And the crowd kowtowed again, cheering Agni's 'Champion', as Toph is his Chosen and I am his Champion, onwards. I took the blade, spun it around, and plunged it into the dirt. The crowd kept cheering.

They kept cheering as I walked up to them and said "I need a drink." The rest of them, even Zhu, nodded along with that statement. 

The Makapuans kept praying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the Emperor faces hardship as he heads deeper and deeper into the thin winding valleys of the Makapuan Mountains
> 
> -This chapter starts a day after the previous one ended.  
> -The nephew is so irrelevant to Mori's objectives that he doesn't get a name.  
> -The Makapuan Mountains are NOT the Colonial Frontierland.  
> -The Makapuan Mountains are civilized, but lacking any major roads or large towns despite being multiple commanderies large.  
> -The Colonial Frontier/Hinterland was marked as land within the Colonies' boundaries. The used rivers as boundaries, and decreed that the Makapuan Mountains were too useless to invest in settling. Colonial families still settled there.  
> -All of Takehisa's death preparations are based on the ritual of Seppuku, with almost everything he does being an exact copy of it.  
> -Takehisa's haiku is about rebirth, and based on what he said earlier, implies that he accepts the age of chaos will come, and wishes for a 'spring' to return again. Note he wishes for it, he doesn't know if it ever will.  
> -I will not be explaining any place names here. They're all based on real place names, sinicized, indirectly. So "Raquette" would become "Snowshoe" which would become "Xue Xie".  
> -The entire journey through the Makapuan Mountains are inch-for-inch based on a real mountain range, up until they cross the "Chenxinren-shui", when it becomes a different region.  
> -Altitudes are not always going to be realistic like how the towns are inch-for-inch copied.  
> -A li is 0.5 of a kilometer or 0.3 of a mile.  
> -There's far less dialogue in these chapters, that's a challenge on my end. Less dialogue helps showing a consistent passing of time (instead of, let's say, half a chapter of dialogue that only goes forward a few minutes or an hour). There will be exceptions, but they will be deliberate.  
> -Fujiko will be something of a prominent side character for the last few chapters.  
> -The confusing naming conventions of the placenames (towns and lakes sharing the same name, or towns having the word 'lake' in their name, like "Lanshan-hu" even though it's a town) is also realistic.  
> -The real mountain range I based this on has lots of towns where the town, the lake, and the nearby mountain all share the same name (with the mountain not bearing the word 'lake' on the end, thankfully).  
> -The ~25C ~77F days and ~20C ~65F nights are based on the real mountain range as well. Those are the average temperatures in the summertime.  
> -Fujiko's lightning generation is meant to copy Iroh's from 'Bitter Work'.  
> -That is a burning sword. They aren't super effective in battle, but they look cool.


	97. Summertime Snowstorms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hardships face the Emperor as he marches through the mountains.
> 
> Some of which are definitely far from normal this time of year.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Three:

Day Five of our trek across the Makapuan Mountains began with the Sun emerging from behind two peaks and a stiff, unbreaking, ridge to our northeast. Almost as soon as I crawled out from under my blanket, I found the Makapuans at it again, burning wood and praying to Agni and my Empress. I rubbed my good eyelid because I had  _ thought  _ it was some kind of dream. Some kind of hilarious dream where Toph creates a fire cult of personality around her because… she’d do that kind of nonsense for fun. Or, I know she’s not actually that despotic, but I could see her drinking some cactus juice and going ‘let’s create a religion!’. I might go ‘No, don’t’ but she’d do it anyways. And, I’d even get to be her ‘champion’ because fire’s not her thing. You know, something like that. Nope. The morning dew and robin-cardinal calls were the backdrop to these Makapuans praying. 

I roused the rest of the army. I ordered everyone get ready for the ride south. I wanted us to reach Chaojia in one day. I  _ knew  _ we could. I grabbed my armor and my belongings and put everything on where I wanted it. The Imperial Guards and the regular,  _ by regular I mean heavily armored lance-wielding _ , riders were praying in a more… normal capacity. Guiren and Fengji with them. At the same time, the Makapuans were loudly proclaiming their piety. None of us disagreed, they were on the same side as us, but I noticed a few guardsmen and riders giving unkind glares during their prayers in the direction of the, as one Guard murmured, ‘circle-kowtowers’. When everyone was done, we mounted up and started southward. Now, with a few more recruits.

_ The Emperor’s Army of Ten Thousand _ , some of the men called it, as we had almost that many men, and people like giving names to groups they partake in.

A few  _ dian  _ passed. We marched south, following a road that ran along the western bank of the Beichuan, a creek. To our west and southwest stretched a mountain range, a wilderness, ‘a hundred  _ li  _ long and a hundred  _ li  _ wide’, or so it’s claimed. This was the Zongse Wilderness. I was told of a hundred hidden ponds tucked away down deer-rabbit trails. Most of these ponds have gone unnamed to time and the ones that haven’t are only accessible to those that know their sure footing. In fact, there’s only one ‘road’ between Xiaodi-Hu and the upcoming trail we’d take south, and it was the farmer’s road that ran south from Beichuan. 

As we rounded the corner to go southwest and ended up in a wide valley, a junction of valleys in fact, I ascended a small hill to overview the valley. From atop the highest peak I could find that didn’t require marching a half  _ li  _ through thick spruce mires, I noted that the Wilderness expanded as far as my good eye could see westwards. Which meant, the one road that went southwest-wards was ‘the Gauntlet’. I knelt and prayed to a statue of my Empress, and resaddled my ostrich horse.  _ Then, let’s begin _ , I said to myself.

Then the storm clouds came rolling in up the valley. They were sudden and completely unexpected. Being up in the mountains with peaks that close you in from all sides, it’s impossible to tell if there are any storms rolling in  _ until they do _ . And for us, it was just a single  _ geng  _ into the march when the clouds came overhead. The ground ahead of us was tainted with water droplets and those of us who weren’t wearing helmets found their heads lightly wetted with rainwater. This was still not that much, though. “We’ve marched in rainstorms before,” I told my men, “and we’ll march in a hundred more.” So the men cheered and we went on.

Mianbaoshifu-fang was an insignificant dot, small enough that even having a flour mill for its namesake seemed pointless. While other villages had, almost always, a single blacksmith and general store, and tended to have taverns and inns, this place was just a row of houses built along the roadway. There was a single barely-a-road path that led northwest from the ‘village center’. The Headwoman came out wearing a fur hood for protection against the rain. To nobody’s surprise, she and Fujiko got along well. 

The Headwoman was venerating me to ‘stop’ this rainstorm with the power of my blood or something like that. I don’t remember the details. As I was ‘wielding a flaming sword’,  _ I wasn’t though, was I? _ , I could ‘fight off the darkness’ and fight off the ‘Water Spirits that plague the land.’ I wanted to march on, for we had only made it a few  _ li  _ into the day. As such, I had our force embark and we kept on going southwest. We picked up a dozen more men. 

When Taishi asked “What about her warning?” I looked at him and, for the first today and probably within the first few times this week, I laughed. “Water Spirits plaguing a valley? What for?” Lady Fujiko, the Lady of the Bogs, more recently the Lady of Guard Shuo’s tent, let her hazel eyes look over me. “Your Majesty is the Spiritsbane, for Her Imperial Majesty is hated by the Spirits.”  _ Spiritsbane? Really?  _ I tried my hardest to not laugh at her. She kept up her serious tone.  _ It’s getting harder when I’ve seen you naked and seen one of my best men wrestling with you.  _ “Why would my T- the Empress be hated by the Spirits?” She took a long breath. “Agni chooses someone, the Spirits are afraid that that someone will use Agni’s power to hunt them down. Your Majesty sacked the Northern Water Tribe’s capital, making Your Majesty an enemy of the Spirits and making Your Majesty Agni’s Champion.” She then put her hand on her -not hers-  _ jian  _ hilt. “And this blade will pacify the Spirits once it is lit again.”  _ Right… me and my flaming sword. So you lit a blade on fire and claimed it was now mine. Right _ .

We made it into the early afternoon. Nonstop marching. The rain was growing stronger and stronger as we went ever onward. The trees shook from the amount of water they had accumulated. In some places, the ground was becoming muddied. And yet, we pressed on, for it was just a rainstorm. The rain could grow powerful, but as I said to my men, “Every  _ li  _ advanced today is one less tomorrow.” The men obliged. So we marched for another few  _ dian _ as the rain pattered off my helmet and the helmets of the rest of the Guard. 

Then it began snowing. A snowflake landed on my right hand and I looked up only to see the clouds had changed. Within moments, the snow came down on the rest of the party. The riders called out that “It’s the late summer” and repeated the statement as if they needed to voice their amazement. I, too, joined in. “A snowstorm in summer?” Guiren offered, in his gentle tone, “Perhaps this is part of the climate, Your Majesty?” I accepted that then. It didn’t make the snow go away, but I accepted it. Fujiko and her companion Sages said that this was ‘The Water Spirits’ who were ‘plaguing’ the valley and claimed that I was to ‘fight them’ and ‘stop them’.  _ Right. _ I shook myself to clear my head, looked down at Nan for reassurance, and pointed ahead of us, declaring “We’d march as far as we could.” 

We came to a stop in the late afternoon. We encamped somewhere with no village nearby.  _ Village? Ha _ . Not even a single hunting cabin. Just our long convoy pressing itself right up against the thick spruce wood on either side of us. While I was helping set up my tent, I heard Fujiko singing her prayers of “Agni! Protect us!” and the mass of followers’ responses “Protect us!”. Then the fog gave way to a flash of light as she started a bonfire. She offered some fancy furs to the fire and asked Agni, then Her Imperial Majesty, to make the snowstorm stop. After this was done, I took a review of distance. All in all, we walked fifty  _ li  _ on Day Five.  _ We should march faster, then _ .

Day Six started in a fog. I felt the cool air, came out from under my blanket, tightened my underclothes, and braved the realm outside of the tent. Overnight, the snow hadn’t stopped. It went up to my ankle. I looked north and saw the silhouettes of the land that surrounded us. I looked south and saw the same thing. More mountains. But… just the silhouettes of their icy peaks as the thick conifers blocked the rest.  _ Truly, we’re in the middle of nowhere.  _

I ordered that we march, telling Zhu and Taishi that “We  _ must _ -” I stressed the ‘must’, “-get to Chaojia.” There were murmurs of staying here until the snow ceased. I made my voice boom and said “No. We do not wait. We march forward.” The reason being, I’d rather be at  _ a  _ village by the time of the snow’s ceasing than be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Besides, if we stop at a village, we can stay at a village. There were whispers of bad omens from the regular riders and far more than a whisper from the Makapuans. One of the other sages called out “Your Majesty! This is a message from the Water Spirits! They wish Your Majesty dead!” which then gave Fujiko an excuse to sing “Grant Your Imperial Majesty’s Champion strength!” and the Makapuans an excuse to chant “Grant him strength!” 

I started thinking about the whole ‘Water Spirits plaguing the valley’ issue brought up the previous day, but wrote it off. Why?  _ You’re telling me that an army of tribes-people who live in these valleys and experienced soldiers who come from Ba Sing Se and her cold winters can’t handle some snow?  _ In other words, I didn’t take the ‘Water Spirits’ thing seriously.  _ Let the Makapuans and their prayers deal with that _ .

Their prayers didn’t do much. The snowstorm was picking up. It wasn’t enough to blind us entirely, but I couldn’t see down the valley anymore. The snowflakes landed in the beards of Taishi, Zhu and the rest. Upon asking, “You’ve got a beard, too,” Taishi told me. I felt my own cheeks and chin. I  _ did _ . I really  _ did _ . Fujiko added “Agni’s Champion has a beard red like autumn leaves.” I didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment from her or contemplate if there was some kind of deeper symbolism beneath it.  _ Autumn being the season when things dwindle and fade and die _ ... Instead of asking, I rode on.

The snowstorm never stopped. I didn’t notice it that much. My armor was padded, my underclothes had fur trim and my boots weren’t touching the snow. Most of all, I was a Kyoshi Islander and we’ve lived through worse. I was content to ride on. But my men weren’t. I heard the whispers from the riders. “When will this end?” “When will we get to stop?” “Will we reach New Taku in time?” among others. It was when we reached a junction, the road sharply turned around to go northwest, that I decided we should stop for the day. The  _ day _ , for we hadn’t even marched into the darkness. Somewhere high above us, the Sun shone down on a blanket of clouds. The only reason I knew it was daytime was the fog was light. 

The Makapuans were quite elated to pray in the middle of a blizzard. The officers from everywhere else were elated to dine in a pavilion lit by a fire and shielded from the elements. My officers ate well, I refused their portions and took the same jerky and rice and grain porridge that the rest of my men ate. Our toast to the Empress would normally earn cheers from the entire army, but here, the Makapuans that heard it took to chanting to Agni. Chanting in the middle of a fog-born darkness with the only light coming from firebender palm-torches and the pyre. 

“Fools, the whole lot of them” chimed one of Guirne’s officers. “They’ve got firebending and we don't,” one of the others countered. “At least they  _ have  _ firebending, they don’t have to chill in their boots.” a third added, accusatorily. I didn’t intervene. “It doesn’t matter” the old Fengji interrupted them, “we have thirteen days’ provisions left.” I put my tea cup down, looked at the old Logistician, and asked “General, how far is New Taku?” The old man strained to scratch his beard what with all the ‘ums’. After a few  _ miao  _ of mental mathematics, he produced an answer.

“If we can march the same as we did in the first two days, we could be there in five.” Taishi’s eyes said it all. “A hundred  _ li  _ in a day?” he asked in surprise. “We’re…” I paused to recall how far we had to go,  _ a thousand li _ , and how far we’ve gone,  _ four hundred and some _ , “...five hundred  _ li  _ from New Taku.” Fengji responded to me while looking at Taishi. “Then we should be able to get there in five days. Or a week.” That’s what I had figured as well. With one problem. We only marched twenty four  _ li  _ on the sixth day. 

Day Seven began in a thicker fog than its predecessor. It  _ should  _ be cold, but I didn’t feel that cold. Even in my underclothes inside my tent. The various forces committed their prayers, the Xishan to the Great Hunter, the Imperials to Toph and their ancestral Spirits, and the Makapuans to shout for protection from their Agni. After our ears were done being hammered, we mounted up to ride northwest on this hiking trail. The scouts informed me that we’d be marching in a thin valley until we reached Chaojia. A thin, winding, valley with a creek running up the northeastern side and our road running up the southwestern side. The scouts neglected to mention that said creek was a few Consort’s Feet off to the right of the roadway.

The scouts helpfully told me that the mountains to our right, to the northeast, was the Zongse Wilderness.  _ So it took us two days to march from it’s northeast to it’s southeast.  _ I recall sternly looking at them and saying “I’m glad to know that those mountains are different from the other mountains” while palm-gesturing at the peaks to our southwest. Taishi laughed at my deadpan sarcasm. Zhu held his tongue in the name of formality but I saw the smile on his. 

Lady Fujiko, who smelled like she dunked herself in a bog again, made her person present. “Is Your Majesty decreeing this from Agni?” I blinked, then looked at my companions. “ _ What? _ ” I asked, not really taking her that seriously. “Well… if Your Majesty wills it so, then the mountains to our southwest are no longer holy.” I made a stubbed toe noise despite not stubbing my toe. “ _ What? _ W…” I was going to say ‘why’ but I stopped myself from doing so.  _ She thinks I’m some kind of… semi-deity?  _ “Do you consider me a deity, or something?” Lady Fujiko looked like she found that funny. “There is no ‘consideration’, Your Majesty. Your Majesty is Agni’s Champion. It is known.” 

So I looked at my fellow men again. This time, nobody was laughing. They all bore the same bewildered face I was -on the inside- thinking of. A face that said ‘She’s serious’.  _ Right, then _ . _ I’m Agni’s Champion _ . I was going to hand wave her away with ‘Right, I’m Agni’s Champion, right, good. Thanks.’ but instead, in the name of respecting her spirituality,  _ they’re on our side after all _ , I held my comments and carried on.  _ Good thing Toph’s not here or this Fujiko would have a crisis of faith _ .

Our host began splintering apart on the northwestern march to Chaojia. The snow had built up to being knee-high. Guiren’s riders and he himself were slowly falling behind. Their mounts weren’t bred for the Makapuan Mountains. They weren’t in winter uniforms because this wasn’t supposed to be a winter march.  _ It’s late into the summer, why would we need winter clothes? _ At the exact same time, the local Makapuans were well-off. The ones with ostrich horses were able to trot right out of sight ahead of us. They became the new vanguard. The gilded arrowhead turned copper and the shaft turned gold and silver. The rest of the Makapuans took skis out of the wagons they were dragging and put them on. The Xishaners were also equipped for this climate. Their ostrich horses weren’t, but they grew up in Xishan which is far,  _ far  _ colder than this. While my ostrich horse wasn’t bred for the mountains, this was about as cool as one of the days around the equinoxes, so I had nothing to complain about. 

It might’ve been noon, it might’ve been the late afternoon, I have no idea, when we reached Shaohu, the lake to the south of Chaojia. The Sun had hid behind the mountains, then the clouds, on the whole march northwest.  _ Which is demoralizing. _ I only made it out because the clouds had cleared up and revealed a body of water that Taishi guessed to be a few hundred feet wide and a few thousand long. 

On the other side of the lake, width wise,  _ so a few hundred feet from us _ , was Chaojia. The new vanguard had gotten there some time earlier and they were already making their tents. The rest of us weren’t as fortunate. We showed up sopping wet. We dismounted in the large village green,  _ or maybe it’s village white since it’s snowing? _ , and began drawing up for nighttime camp. The Village Headwoman offered to throw us a feast, I rejected it in favor of buying up most of her goods since after a day and some of chilly conditions, and multiple days of mostly looking at my namesakes for companions, I could really do with a shopping trip.

Chaojia had a large selection,  _ large is a relative term _ , of stores. Tailors and blacksmiths and meat shops and even a place to buy canoes. Granted, compared to any town anywhere else, this would be nothing. But up in the Makapuan Mountains, this might as well be Ba Sing Se. Or… that’s how it looked to my men. They were hungry for warmth and to obtain fresh food and new or extra clothes. The tailors here had winter clothes and as one would expect, the men almost tore the store apart to have at them. The crowd that gathered outside had to wait and they weren’t happy. 

When I was informed of this, I got on my ostrich horse and bolted there in a  _ fen _ , even with the layer of snow. I rode right up to the front of this crowd, drew my blade, and ordered my men to stand down. The best of them closed their mouths and obeyed. The rest murmured of what my plans were. What were they? I walked inside the store, tossed some twenty gold pieces at the rightfully scared -she’s facing off against a small army- woman and had my Imperial Guards grab all her furs. I could’ve only paid three or four gold - _ technically I don’t even need to pay _ \- to her for all these furs, but I gave her extra so she’d be able to feed her family this winter.  _ And in the next ten _ . Then once outside, I had my men form a line and handed out furs in descending order of age with the older ones and not-firebenders getting priority. We didn’t have enough to cloth everyone,  _ to nobody’s surprise _ .

I had dinner in the large village hall with the other officers. The fireplace located in the middle of the room fed smoke to the high ceiling and the chimney. The officers were given a few pieces of jerky, some berries and some grain. Nobody dared to ask why, they all knew why. I fed my men and myself equally. While we ate and enjoyed the warmth of a proper fireplace, we discussed the next few days of marching. 

Guiren said “It’s a hundred and fifty  _ li  _ to the Chenxinren-shui.” “And how far is that from New Taku?” I countered, not knowing the distances.  _ The maps don’t say _ . “Fifty  _ li _ as the messenger hawk flies.”  _ So two hundred in total.  _ I looked around, hoping someone else would say what I was thinking, ‘ _ there’s a problem with that’ _ , but nobody did. So I had to say it myself. “We’re two hundred  _ li  _ quote ‘as the messenger hawk flies’. We’re not messenger hawks. How  _ far  _ is it?” I stressed the ‘far’ hoping someone would answer what I was asking. 

Someone, the Village Headwoman, did. “I’d guess it’s twice as much on foot, Your Majesty.”  _ Four hundred li _ .  _ That makes sense. A thousand in total and we’ve marched through multiple ranges and sets of peaks. The whole mountain range region? No. Parts of it? Yes _ . And yet, it didn’t matter whether it was four hundred or one hundred. 

I pointed at the doorway. “Do any of you see what’s outside?” The men nodded. “That’s not four hundred  _ li  _ in four days. That’s four hundred  _ li  _ in eight.” The men gave their statements of agreement, namely, “That makes sense, Your Majesty” and others like it. So I turned to Fengji and asked “Do we have the supplies for this?” “We do, Your Majesty.”  _ Good _ . I stood up, no longer hungry. “We march at first light.” So, how far did we march on day seven? Twenty nine  _ li _ . 

I had to climb up and over the snow to walk back to where my tent would be. On the way, I heard the Makapuans in their prayer. A fire was set alight with a normal cone of flame and not a lightning bolt, casting snow and darkness away and revealing cleanliness and light. Fujiko was praying for the blizzard to end. Her followers were also praying. Other Sages, men and women, led their followers in mass chants. It felt like the entire village was chanting for Agni and the Empress to protect them and for me to lead them on to victory. Nan and I stayed back, I didn’t want them to see me and I didn’t want to be a part of this.  _ It’s a good thing, too. _

That night, in the middle of the foggy cold with only a large fire to guide my vision, was the first time I heard it, “We must offer Your Imperial Majesty a sacrifice! A nonbeliever!” The followers chanted in agreement. “A sacrifice! A nonbeliever!” Fujiko sang “The Moon has aided the Water Spirits in unleashing this snow upon us!” and her fellow Makapuans chanted “Your Imperial Majesty! Protect us!”. This was when Fujiko called out for a nonbeliever to be burned as an offering, and that’s when I sprung into action.

“What in the holy name of Her Imperial Majesty is going on here?” I came strolling right out of the darkness. “Your Majesty!” the Sage sang in a cheer. Then she head-nodded to me and yelled, with a smile, “Servants of Agni, kowtow to Agni’s Champion!” and the entire mob fell to their knees and bopped their head against the snow. “Your Majesty, protect us!” they all yelled at once.

Then, during the kowtow, she explained that “We need to burn a nonbeliever! A sacrifice to Her Imperial Majesty! A sacrifice to Agni!” I gave her a neutral expression. “We don’t have nonbelievers.” “Oh, Your Majesty, we  _ do _ . There are the heretics, the men from Ba Sing Se, who worship other Spirits! There are the men from Xishan, they worship a false spirit!” I squinted my one good eye at her. 

“We will have no sacrifices. The youngest of us have lived through twenty winters. We’ll march on.” She couldn’t refute me, I was the Empress’s ‘Champion’ as these mountain-folk deemed me. The One-Eyed Badgermole elsewhere, Agni’s Champion here.  _ A title that fits a belief system born from the Colonial honor of being ‘chosen’ for a task, and the Earth peoples’ love of deifying folk heroes _ . I’ll give her one piece of credit. The Moon was far larger than I ever remember seeing it.  _ A second bit of credit: It shouldn’t snow in summer. _

Day Eight started with pink rays touching the high peaks around Chaojia. The clouds were gone. The trees were cones of white and the ground was buried in two feet of snow. I woke from my sleep, inhaled the fresh cool mountain air, and joined the other Imperials in their prayers to Her Imperial Majesty and to our ancestors. I asked Kyoshi to grant me her wisdom, not strength, as I’d never be able to compete with her knowledge of even hand-to-hand combat, let alone her strength from any one of the elements. Uzluk had caught a raven-crow and blessed himself and his companions with it’s blood. And, let us not forget, the vocal Makapuans chanting away to the smoldering remains of last night’s fire, with Fujiko delivering a sermon about the Water Spirits and the rest of them asking Agni for His protection and His guidance . All of this was for the norm. 

What wasn’t for the norm was, while I changed my clothes, having my  _ yunjiwei  _ request to enter the tent flap, enter, and tell me about ‘two hawks arriving at the post’. Did they come in the middle of the night and I wasn’t informed? Probably, these villages only have manned towers during the daytime. After he helped me into some new clothes, the help wasn’t needed, but I much prefer my  _ yunjiwei  _ being the one to exchange conversation with me while I’m lacking in the clothes department than some flirtatious attendant, I raced over to the three story messenger hawk post.

First, I received a letter from the Imperial Navy. Vice Admiral Zhe Zhuang’s fleet was on it’s way north to New Taku and would be there in some two or three days should the tides abide. Considering this letter is a few days old, I took this to mean that he had already arrived. I drafted a scroll in response, telling him I’d be there in a week, citing the slower progression due to the snowstorms. This letter would have to fly east, then south, then west through Imperial military bases along the Senlin, then, from some base along the Senlin, it’d go north by eel-hound to the  _ Dongfang _ .

Second, and far more important, a letter from Her Imperial Majesty, scribed by the Captain of Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial Metalbending Guard and stamped with the Imperial Seal. She has been updated on the events of the campaign, all troop movements including Zhe Zhuang’s, and commended my successes. Namely,  _ ‘I hope you found use in that thumb ring.’  _ and  _ ‘I heard how many people you blew out of the sky with your wooden coffin. Twenty? That’s nice, I ripped an airship in two while this giant ball of hot stuff came soaring by. And don’t you forget it.’  _

She ordered me to be at New Taku within a week to, in her words, _ ‘team up with the Admiral and hit New Taku with a one-two punch.’  _ Also in her words,  _ ‘I would have no use in bringing back all those books full of papers that you seem to adore. Consider bringing back a pouch of sand instead?’  _ My  _ yunjiwei  _ inquired as to why “you’re smiling like that?”. I rolled up the scroll and firmly held it.  _ I’m smiling because it was dictated by Toph. It’s a very Toph letter _ . 

At the same time, I saw the orders written at the bottom of the scroll:  _ ‘I order you march on New Taku within two weeks. Before the Flower pulls a new army out of his gold vault’.  _ This turned the smile into a cold neutral face. I stuck the scroll into my robes and declared “Gather the men, we ride in a  _ dian _ .” During this, I thought of a message to write back to Toph. I glanced at the sky and at the snowy trees.  _ There could be more snow. There could be less.  _ I wrote a simple message back.  _ “We will march through ice and snow if we must. It will be done.” _

We were on the march soon after. The gilded arrowhead regained its status as we travelled southwest on a  _ flat  _ piece of land. We reached the village of  Shaohu in no time at all. It was built along the terraced slopes of an unnamed high hill some, if the Makapuan scouts are right, hundreds of feet above it. Shaohu had three ‘sections’ to it, the houses built along the edge of Miedingtudi-Hu,  _ that’s the first _ , the center built in a meadow between one chunk of never-ending forest and another chunk of never-ending forest,  _ that’s the second _ , and a side built along the edge of Shaohu, the lake,  _ which is the third one _ . 

The two lakeside sections were planned with straight pathways jutting off one of two connecting roads that connect the sections with the central meadow area. The meadow was slash-and-burn farmland, judging by the field of young spruce we trampled past to get to the Village Hall and the irregular gashes of clearing amidst trees. Shaohu’s Headwoman granted us another ten volunteers to whom two of them were riders and one was a local Sage.

We had to continue southwest along the same one main road. Two thick ridgelines boxed us in and it wasn’t like we could, let’s say,  _ exit _ , the one main road. The snow cover hid and hides many secrets, as we learned the hard way. One of our supply wagons, carrying grain, was spurred off the trail by a disobedient ostrich horse. The mount and the wagon fell into a bog. A few of the locals proposed to dive after it, I told them “I don’t want to lose some men over a bag of grain.” I suppose the woman I was ordering against this -not Fujiko, one of the militia leaders- had absolutely nothing to do with the men and women who took to trying to rescue it. Blasts of firebending melted the snow and earth plates were raised, pouring stagnant bog water onto the entire pathway and drenching all the poor men in that section with a healthy coating of moss. And after all this?  _ The grain was still lost. _ I allowed myself to shake my head in frustration, once, before grabbing my mount’s reins and pressing on.

Taozi-Hu was a body of water much like almost every other body of water we’ve seen. Thin and long as opposed to rotund or proportional like ponds or lakes in other regions. It was a lake born from being at the lowest elevation in this one specific valley we were in with a few streams and waterfalls feeding it,  _ not this time of year _ , and it in turn feeding a dam at it’s southwest.  _ Thank you, Makapuan guides _ . 

Taozi, the village, sat along it’s northeastern coast. Rare for villages, since they normally hug the main road. In another rarity, the convoy of men, ostrich horses, spiritual fanatics and Nan walked past a large peach orchard along the side of the road. The peaches were given small icy toppings. One of the riders was polite enough to request to liberate the peach for his consumption. I stopped the line and announced “If you steal it, I’ll take your hand.” That was enough for him. However, a man asking for a peach is one of the better bits of warning that  _ the men want something other than grain, berries, rice and jerky _ . 

I took the Imperial Guard and just the Imperial Guard and rode down this farming road over to Taozi, the village. I told Guiren to lead the rest of the army to Haizei-Haiwan, a larger village located along a strip of land that juts out into Taozi-Hu. We’d regroup there and move on down the travelling road. In the meantime, I took my guards and a bunch of bags. And Nan, because there’s nowhere I’d go without Nan. 

The village lacked a grocery store, or a general store, or even a store _ ,  _ store. It did have a inn further north, and a Toph statue, and a blacksmith. It also did have enough flatland to potentially have it’s own airfield, which was something Taishi of all people pointed out. “There aren’t any mountains here, the hills are low, the land right east of us is meadows, and the lake is pretty iconic.” “You’re losing your mind, this lake looks like every other lake and what of the mountains to our southeast? The ones that lined our trail?” and I pointed at said…  _ hills _ from here. “They’re still quite low.” He looked at the lake and nodded to himself. 

To remedy this situation, I took inspiration from a journey I had with Toph what felt like long ago. A time when she wanted to grab some meat to feed her companion and mount and did so by walking up to some farmer’s house, knocking on the door, and obtaining it. “Excuse me, yes, you peach farmer I’m never going to know the name of. How much gold for the entire orchard?” and I pointed at the orchard, just to remind him that I wanted  _ that  _ orchard. The farmer fainted. I would, too, as I had no idea how much these things could cost. 

One of the Imperial Guards, Da… something, really wanted to go to Ba Sing Se University but ended up in the Imperial Guard instead, and calculated that between the travelling cost, the location and desired quantity, we’d only have to pay one and a half gold. So I grabbed ten gold pieces from my treasury while everyone else took to gathering these peaches. I put the coins just inside his doorway and made sure I was the last one to go, so that nobody would take the coins. I didn’t think anyone would. Now, this man would be able to pay for his winter, and maybe a new floorboard.

When we finally got to Haizei-Haiwan and the waiting army, the Sun had ascended high enough to no longer hide behind the mountains. Likewise, the calm cool air was replaced with calm mild air. The hundred of us started tossing peaches to every passing soldier and camp follower. To nobody’s surprise, we ran out before we had any left for most of Guiren’s riders or any of the men who did the work to procure the peaches. To this, I offered the following motivation: “You can drown in peaches when we get to New Taku!” The men punched the air with their lances and  _ dao  _ and so on. We spent a few  _ fen  _ consuming peaches or watching others eat peaches before riding off. 

Haizei-Haiwan was a proper lakeside…  _ hamlet _ . Only a few streets, but each house had a canoe in the backyard, assuming the backyard wasn’t the lake itself. Most of the land was still trees, which hid most of the houses. There was no Village Hall, instead our commotion of having an army thousands strong attracted the entire hamlet. Haizei-Haiwan granted us another couple volunteers, six, armed with bows and skis. And a few ostrich horses. 

I don’t know why I didn’t expect Fujiko, ‘the Lady of the Bogs’ as a few of Guiren’s heavy riders quipped, to be completely content with me putting others before myself. “Her Imperial Majesty’s Champion, Agni’s Champion, should not go without food when others go with!” She said this seriously.  _ Yes, really _ . Taishi, not being that formal, broke into laughter. Zhu remained silent. The other soldiers were just happy to get their peaches. I’m not one to point and talk, that’s more of Toph’s thing, but I figured now was the time to point at her and talk. 

“Listen, they’re all soldiers. I’m a soldier. I have better armor than them. Nobody cares about  _ their  _ needs. If I so much as cough, I’d have a small army of courtiers falling on me. Let me help the men who are going to go bleed for me so they can do their jobs.” Fujiko, being weird, didn’t offer resistance to this. Normally people get into these things we call ‘debates’. She simply stated “As Your Majesty will!” in an uncanny optimistically subservient tone. When I thought about it, I recognized it from before.  _ I’m Agni’s Champion, after all _ .

We were finally going south. Going south takes us closer to New Taku. West would’ve taken us closer to Yu Dao. This, sadly, meant that we were mostly hidden in the shadows of hills as we worked our way south. On the bright side, the robin-cardinals were flying about in their pretty red cloaks. The snow made them all the more obvious to spot.  _ Still, it doesn’t help that much _ .

An entire  _ geng  _ passed with little more than a few cabins to be spotted. The scouts  _ claimed  _ there were far more huts up in the mountains around us. They also spoke of one ‘popular’ hidden mountain pond somewhere. The only confirmation I found of this was a stream that passed under a kind-of-a-bridge we crossed. I cite ‘kind of’ because some earthbender from some previous point in time dug a tunnel under the road to let the water run through. The Makapuan Sages came to a collective unanimous consensus that this one pond was somewhere that I  _ should,  _ I mean absolutely  _ should _ , visit. It was rich in fertility. Or something. 

The last time I recall something being ‘rich in fertility’, I drew the conclusion that it wasn’t rich in anything, it was just the bedroom used by two recently married individuals who were most likely hammered out of their minds by fine drinks.  _ As it turns out _ the Sages confirmed that this random mountain pond somewhere was a popular place for recently married individuals to travel to. Could I be bothered to educate them on reality?  _ Does it snow during the summer? _

Yes, it does. The Sun was long gone behind the high hills just to our west when a wave of clouds rapidly came up the valley. The Makapuans said one thing, “The Water Spirits!”, the Imperials said another, “Not another storm!”, and I snapped my ostrich horse and yelled “We  _ are  _ going to make it to the next village!” and rode off before I learned to eat my own words. The men with ostrich horses gave chase. 

Not two  _ fen  _ later, a tremendous tide of snow started battering us. In the face. It got so rough that, for once, I owed the Lady of the Bogs when she brought her hands together, calling upwards “Agni! Give your servant strength!” and pointed at the sky itself, releasing a bolt of lightning and inadvertently sending me off my ostrich horse. The loud  _ boom _ turned the snowstorm itself to steam. There was still some storm left, but most of it was… gone. Like  _ that _ . 

One of my retinue grabbed me and another grabbed my mount, I got back on, and rubbed my good eye’s eyelid. “You just destroyed a storm. With lightningbending,” I said it, all staggered, like this.  _ Yes. She just did.  _ “Agni protects us, Your Majesty.” Then as one, those Makapuans gave their eerie chant of “Agni protect us!” and I looked up at the storm that was, then wasn’t.  _ It… existed. That was a snowstorm.  _ “Why don’t you do this more?” “I intend to.” “Why didn’t you do it earlier?” “The Water Spirits fled this time, Your Majesty.”  _ The Water Spirits. The bloody Water Spirits. I don’t care about Water Spirits _ . “You’re telling me they’re behind these snowstorms?” I asked like a massive skeptic,  _ because I was one _ . “Yes, Your Majesty.”  _ Or maybe it’s just the weather _ .

Feixing was a small village nestled halfway between Haizei-Haiwan and Shimucai, the large village one ridge over from the mighty Chenxinren-shui that forms the northeastern border of the old Colonies and southwestern border of this mountain range. Feixing barely had a dozen huts to its boundaries, but as always, prominently featured a statue of Toph. We couldn’t go further, night was soon to set in. As much as I may have wanted to march through wilderness, I will take my chance to rest near civilization, as little of an enclave as it is. 

As we drew up our campsites for nighttime use, the Makapuans gathered near the statue of my betrothed, using it as their landmark, and put together a pile of wood. I was trying to drink tea with my two companions, and Nan, but he doesn’t drink, and  _ boom! _ , someone obliterated a chunk of wood. And by someone I mean that one woman. Then when we went out to look, we learned that was just the appetizer, with the main course being the prayers to Agni.

This night was different from the others. There were some Imperials, Guiren’s men, gathered towards the edges of that circle. “Protect us from the Water Spirits!” she sang, raising her hands to the sky. The followers chanted in their eerie synchronized fashion, “Protect us!” and the new ones, Guiren’s ones, mimicked the chants. I shuffled away from the torchlight and gestured for the other two to join me. I did  _ not  _ want her to see that I and my informal robes were watching her. Instead of continuing her prayers, she started giving a speech. She went to stand in front of the bonfire, transforming the shadow of this average heighted woman into a giant’s. 

“Today, we have seen the power of Her Imperial Majesty! The Water Spirits conspired against us, and it was through the will of Agni’s blessing that we won out!” She made large sweeping motions with her hands, conjuring a wave of fire that went up into the cloudy night sky. “The war we march to, led by Agni’s Champion, this is no regular war! We march against those who fight for the Water Spirits! We march against those who wish to unseat Her Imperial Majesty! In this war, there is no victory. There is annihilation. There is no defeat. There is death.” 

Then she motioned a hand over the crowd, flipped it around, and produced a flame in her palm. “All of us have the choice. To stand against the Water Spirits and kill them or to-” she closed her palm and made the flame go out, “- _ die _ .” The crowd stayed silent. I didn’t see much of Zhu’s face, the bonfire light wasn’t that strong, but what I did see was a mixture of shock and being taken aback. Likewise with Taishi. Fujiko continued. “All of us have a choice. To follow our Champion to victory, or death. What is your choice?” and the followers chanted “Victory!” and “To victory!” 

The three of us returned to my tent to drink some tea like normal Imperial people. “She’s crazy” my  _ yunjiwei _ , the honorable one, outright stated. Insecure about confronting the truth, I asked “Were you inspired by the Empress to be so blunt?” He nodded. Taishi, normally the quick skeptical one, wasn’t as quick to being skeptical. “I wouldn’t call her  _ crazy _ , she is riling up an army of, what, nine thousand? ten?, people to our cause. Considering the alternatives, she’s pretty tame.” “Taishi…” I put down my cup, “...what ‘alternatives’ have you lived through?” 

He started counting them off on his fingers. “Forced conscription, paying people to join, deceiving people into joining, empty promises-” I cut him off, “I get it. How did you join the most qualified bodyguard service in the world, then?” “Sons of brothel-maids don’t have such high prospects. And I’m not a woman, so I can’t go up in rings  _ that  _ way. Signed on with the Army, I killed the right people and did what I was supposed to and got in.” I asked “No bribery?” much to Zhu’s ‘you did not just say that’ face.  _ I did _ . 

“The Guard was always about how qualified you were. Lineage didn’t matter. I mean, sure, you  _ could  _ bribe your way in, but either someone’s able to punch a surface-to-air rock or they get killed by not being good enough.” “I take it there were a lot of the latter?” Zhu, the least-knowledged of the three of us on these matters, ironically, asked. “Oh yeah. Most of the men I was training with died from falling boulders that they pretended they could control.” I nodded along convincingly. Zhu, having not seen my nodding, turned and asked “What’s the Throne’s opinion on this?” 

I shrugged. “I don’t say lying is the death penalty, but I won’t step in and go ‘well you’re almost good enough, we’ll pretend you are’. We want the best of the best in our Guard. I and I don’t think the Empress would tolerate anything less.” With her title just said, we opted to toast to the Empress and the Empire and drink up. Soon after, we went to sleep. All in all, Day Eight had us march eighty  _ li _ . Theoretically we had four hundred  _ li  _ left to go out of a thousand. Four days. In theory.  _ In theory _ . 

Day Nine started with a surprisingly light amount of snowfall. A drizzle of snow, if you will. The Sun wasn’t going to grace us until midday because we were in a long north-south valley, which meant the chill that permeated every single piece of metal wasn’t going anywhere. The Makapuans let the entire hundred  _ li  _ long valley know that they were quite faithful while the rest of us quietly said our prayers to whom we wished. I to my supreme ancestor Kyoshi, the Imperials to their ancestors, their ancestral spirits and the Empress and the Xishan kneeling northwards, kneeling before their Great Hunter. This collection of people were then told to form up in marching order. 

Our ride south greeted us with a trail we could barely follow. There were never any markers or signs, but the roadway was buried under snow. The only way we knew where we were supposed to go was because trying to go east or west beyond this certain small corridor would result in walking into a forest. The scouts confirmed this for us by explaining that this officially unnamed valley, unofficially called Feixing-hu, has the only traversable road within at least a day’s march in either direction. This was the only way south. 

To our east, the Baijin-hu Wilderness stretched at least fifty  _ li  _ eastwards. If we were somehow able to cross it, then we’d end up on a slightly larger road… that led southeast back over to Gangxi.  _ Which is very helpful _ . To our west… about a hundred and fifty  _ li  _ of the Shi-hu-kuang Lin, which goes straight to the river, sure… but there’s not a single New Taku-bound road between us and  _ the river.  _ Supposedly there’s ‘three large valleys’ between us and the border of the mountain range, heading westwards. Supposedly those valleys include villages. One of the ‘five hundred peaks’ in this massive stretch of nothingness includes the aforementioned Zhangshan, or ‘Mount Alcoholism’, that mountain where everyone gets drunk and throws wild parties.

Thanks to the Lady of the Bogs, I’ve also learned that Liushan, or ‘Mount Virtuism’, is yet elsewhere in that endless wasteland of trees and trees and mountains and snow. Long before the Colonials showed up and beat some sense into these people,  _ but before converting them all to worship Agni,  _ the locals revered some ‘hero’ who couldn’t stop talking about how he wanted to ‘save the realm’ and how kind he was and how everyone else was a ‘villain’ because he happened to have a tenth of the royal blood Toph does,  _ which, considering the fruitfulness of royalty, can also mean that we’re all descendants of some royal through some bloodline _ . Anyways, this was the Mount for this ‘honorable’ man. He also tossed his baby at the ground once when one of his best generals risked his life to rescue said baby. The baby may or may not have suffered head damage that then resulted in this fellow’s own Kingdom’s collapse within a generation of his death. He also happily warred and killed men fighting for his opponents, despite constantly going on and on about how ‘the people’ didn’t do anything wrong and ‘helping’ them.

I for one prefer the ‘villain’ of that old warlord era, a man who treated his family and friends well, and repaid loyalty with loyalty and justice with justice. Yeah, he killed his blood-brother, and depending on the account his blood-brother may have deserved it, but he also brought actual stability to the realm. The histories would call him self-entitled, but his own accounts would suggest he never called himself much of anything beyond what was forced upon him. The land needed peace and whether he wanted it or not, it was his job to deliver that peace. Oh, yeah, and he was a strategic genius. Even when outnumbered ten to one, his heavy riders broke through all. 

One penalty of all the snow cover, we didn’t know exactly where we were going. The early and mid-morning mist made this worse, eliminating our visibility beyond a hundred or so feet ahead of us. The firebenders with us could torch the mist away, but that would also use up much of their energy. Energy they needed to walk or ride. All of this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Because it did.

It started snowing again. A light dusting of snow on all of us. My fellow guards and I had snowflakes buried in our facial hair. And hands. Because unlike Kyoshi Island, there’s no such thing as  _ tekko  _ for the Imperial Armor.  _ At least the men and women we scooped out of their towns can provide us with mittens. So there’s that _ . Now, while I’m used to the cold, the riders I was with weren’t and grabbing an ostrich horse’s reins all day and night in such cold won’t help with that. Men shivered. The Makapuans called out to their concept of who my betrothed was -and who they think Agni is- to protect them and give them strong inner flames. The rest of us foolish nonbenders just trudged along. 

Correction. I trudged along until stepping on the wrong spot and having the not-so-packed snow fall out from under my ostrich horse’s feet. She fell in and I fell with her. We fell into a bog. And I was wearing heavy Imperial Armor with padding and more padding to protect us from everything up to and including crossbows. A great choice for falling into a ten or twenty Consort’s feet deep bog,  _ right? _ Because I’m someone important, the Imperial Guard rushed to  _ destroy  _ the bog with earth plates and rescue myself and the blue-barded ostrich horse. I know I just mentioned how I don’t notice the snow or the cold, but I  _ felt  _ that chill when the bog water found its way into my boots and my hands. Because I’m someone important, those courtiers who had -mostly- silently followed us all the way from Lutianzhen and Ba Sing Se before that pulled me and my sopping shivering self out of my heavily padded armor. 

We spent the rest of the day watching me sit by a warm fire and recover from that. One more point of credit to the Lady of the Bogs, she used her firebending to warm up the area around me and, when I needed it, grabbed my palms and held them until mine warmed up. I don’t know how she didn’t scald my hands and I didn’t care to ask. I was just grateful to not be a treesicle. There were many others who were not as fortunate. Little did I know at that time that the snowstorm that drove me into a bog adjacent to the hamlet of Songshu drove others into other ponds. We lost twenty soldiers, five ostrich horses and a wagon of jerky in one afternoon alone. 

With those deaths, this weather was no longer a calamity to overcome. It was something personal. “If the Spirits want to quarrel with the One-Eyed Badgermole, I shall fight back.” Taishi and the attendant waiting next to me took my remark as one of delusion. How could a mere nonbender fight the Spirits themselves? Then I said it again. “I’ve killed generals and  _ daofei  _ lords, I  _ will  _ war against whatever lurks in those deep woods. And I  _ will  _ win against it.” Yet again, they thought it was some sort of insane remark. Fujiko used her firebending to warm my neck while I figured out exactly how to do it.  _ Okay, it might’ve been a delusion, it might’ve also been me being bloodthirsty _ . By the late afternoon, the death toll from the snowstorm and accidents related to it had gone up to thirty. 

I’ve always presumed the Spirits to take a backseat to our mortal conflicts. One group wars with another. If they cared, they would’ve stopped Sozin from burning an Air Temple down with his dragon. Or the firebenders from torching the rest. I can’t tell if they do or they don’t. There was something eerily true about Fujiko’s prayers. Uzluk’s mere presence reminded me of what only he, I, and my Xishan men had seen but a few months ago.

The nightmarish horrors I saw with my one good eye, of Green Spirits dancing in the sky and mocking the Xishaners as tentacles came out of the dark and pulled people away to their deaths, the wolf-helmeted men out  _ there _ , where day turned to night, slowly encroaching on the Zheng Great Hall. The ice-javelins impaling our fighters before melting into water and impaling others. Uzluk and his men were the only people present who knew what that was. Kotyan was defending the Empress. Suki was off in the Earth Islands.  _ Nobody knew _ . It’d never become a popular story as the Xishan aren’t the most talkative.

“We are to ride for Shimucai tomorrow at first light.” The gathered officers and Makapuan Sages couldn’t refute my order. They  _ could  _ advise against it. “We should encamp,” one of Guiren’s said. “We should wait out the storm” another one of Guiren’s added. Fujiko’s nonsense-sounding statement, “No! The Water Spirits will only empower their followers” made much more sense when I recalled the lands of the Xishan and the night terrors I’m often reminded of thanks to it.  _ What was it Kotyan said? ‘It’s not a battle, they’re hunting us’.  _

“I don’t care if it snows or if fire rains from the skies. We  _ are  _ to ride for Shimucai and on. Then the River. We can camp east of New Taku.” The Logistician humbly asked “Where, Your Majesty? The nearest city is two hundred and fifty  _ li  _ away.” “What city is that?” “The holy town of Shengdishi.”  _ Why is this a question? _ “Then we march for it.” Fengji continued, repeating his statement, this time as more of a plea. “But it is two hundred and fifty  _ li  _ away, Your Majesty.” I took a deep breath to let the warm hands of Fujiko warm the back of my neck up.

“Then we’ll just have to march further _ and harder. _ ” I knew what they were thinking and not saying, because countering the Emperor’s orders could lead to execution at best and total annihilation of your dynasty at worst: I’m mad. We’re in the middle of a snowstorm and I want to  _ continue  _ instead of camping where we are. And, and, I’ll give them a gold piece of agreement. I  _ might  _ be mad. But by that reasoning, we all are for marching through the mountains instead of waiting forever and letting New Taku release a new army from the gold vault of the Lord of Gaoling. 

“I will not wait for the former Lord of Gaoling to muster a new army,” I said sternly and to the point.  _ No point in philosophically jumping around this _ . “A week’s rest can’t hurt anyone” some officer mumbled loud enough for the silent tent to hear him. I pointed at Guiren. “That officer’s right. A week’s rest  _ can’t  _ hurt anyone. Facing an opponent who will just buy more men and toss them at us will. Did you not all see what happened in Fanhui?” My claim fell on a room of half-deaf ears. The Makapuans have barely if ever been outside of their truly odd yet beautiful mountain range. I got out of my bed and stood up, since I felt like I had to explain it. “We waited for New Taku to strike us, the Lord of Gaoling played his little industrial trick once. The longer we wait, the bigger the risk. We  _ are  _ going to march on New Taku at first light.” The officers couldn’t reject me. They simply couldn’t. I dismissed everyone, took a soldier’s portion of grain and berries and a smoked quail-ptarmigan leg, and went to sleep.

Day Ten of the Makapuan Mountains March came. It was too cloudy to even tell it was day. I only knew because the firebenders, namely this Fujiko, have always risen with the Sun.  _ That was a little secret I learned at Caldera.  _ Fighting an enemy in the darkness was costly for us but they were often exhausted. Then again, Caldera shouldn’t be the pillar of battlefield tactics. We were fighting schoolchildren and old men and city blocks with five defenders apiece and lost thousands in frontal charges led by  _ dao _ -wielding officers who had their heads surgically removed by ballista bolts. Back to the Mountains, the calm morning mist was now one that blinded us. The only light in this darkness was the large bonfire that the Makapuans had started and were continuously fueling with blasts of fire. 

Words will never explain how distraught, depressed and melancholic I felt when I placed my helmet back on the ground next to my bed and sullenly declared “We are not marching anywhere today” to Zhu and Nan. The former was here to help me get dressed into my armor and the latter is always around, licking and woofing. “Then what are we supposed to do?” Zhu asked for his sake and the other attendants who were stationed in my tent. I kicked my boot. “Nothing. We’re going to do  _ nothing _ .” I turned to him  _ just  _ as those Makapuans had their prayers again and pointed at him. “Do you know what it feels like to do  _ nothing _ ? Nothing when we’re  _ supposed  _ to be marching somewhere?” 

Instead of going off on a tangent against my  _ yunjiwei  _ as to why the Spirits are at fault, I dismissed my assistants and sat on my fur blanket excuse of a bed and listened to their chants. I was their ‘Champion’. I was the Emperor. I was going to  _ personally  _ kill the Water Spirits, apparently. I was going to execute the rebels. I was going to do this and do that and all I was doing was nothing. Not that they were that susceptible to reality, they preferred praying to Agni and asking for his protection, again and again.

I finally left my tent when dusk  _ or what passes for dusk  _ came to us. The pavilion had it’s daily officer dinner where we discussed plans and our statuses. I dreaded going there and hearing about how everyone was doing nothing because I  _ knew  _ that. When I got there, all the kowtows and all that aside, Taishi politely reminded me that I showed up in a bed robe with my hair undone and falling down to my back, somewhere. I was at least wearing pants and all those accessories, I had just forgotten to dress formally. As such, five  _ fen  _ later, I returned dressed more ‘formally’ in semi-formal robes, multiple because underclothes, and with my hair in a topknot not a queue because I simply did not have the energy to walk into this ‘nothingness’.

“Forty lost.” announced Guiren. “Forty of yours or forty Makapuans?” “Thirty nine of mine and one Makapuan, Your Majesty.”  _ Thirty nine heavy riders. Dead.  _ I needed to take a few breaths. Taishi saw that and helped me to a seat, a seat with a large fur from some animal,  _ a deer-moose? _ , for a cusion. _ Deep breaths, inhale, exhale _ . “From the cold?” They bowed their heads in a way of saying ‘yes’ without saying it. 

“And our supplies?” and I looked around, dreading what would be said. Fengji spoke up from my side. “All our perishables are going to perish.” I turned to him, squinting my good eye. “What perishables are going to perish?” I asked, trying not to curse the sky itself. “All the berries and bread will go, as will all the ostrich horse feed from the water… and the grain and rice, if exposed to water-” I raised my hand and he stopped talking. “I thought you said we had twenty-some days of supplies.” 

Taishi, probably from listening to Fengji, replied “It’s not like we knew there was a winter storm coming in the late summer.” The other officers agreed, saying “Yeah!” and “He’s right!”. I tried to maintain the formal noble composure I was taught to have, but it was getting hard. “ _ Then how many supplies do we have left,  _ Fengji?” “Six days at best, Your Majesty.”  _ Six days, at best.  _ I looked at Guiren. “And how far are we from New Taku?” “Four at full pace.”  _ At full pace _ . When I placed the tea cup back down on the table, I had placed it down so quickly the bottom broke off. The other soldiers saw that as a mark of my silent fury.

“How far can we march under these conditions?” I asked that, not wanting to draw the conclusion I  _ knew  _ was coming. “Ten or twenty  _ li  _ a day, Your Majesty” Guiren said. “How far are we from New Taku?” and Fengji answered for Guiren. “Three hundred and fifty  _ li,  _ approximately, Your Majesty.” I looked around the room. “Can one of you mathematical people tell me what that is in a better number?” That was sarcasm and also not sarcasm. Taishi was the son of a brothel-maid and someone she was serving. He had no idea. Zhu was trained by Song. He had an education. 

“We’d need anywhere between seventeen and thirty five days.” I calmly thanked him, “Thank you, Zhu,” before standing up and setting off for the exit. Before I left, I turned around. “We  _ march _ -” and I pointed where I thought was southwards, “-at dawn. That’s  _ march _ . The scouts have torches, the firebenders have their hands. We will  _ burn  _ the snow itself if we must. I will  _ not  _ have my brothers and sisters starve because of a bunch of Spirits.” The officers didn’t understand what I meant with the final remark. Nobody present at the table did. Perhaps Sukes or Sai would get it, since back on Kyoshi Island we treat our militia and the Warriors as adopted siblings. It motivated me to charge into a line of mercenaries to save Ty Lee of all people and it’ll motivate me to march on. 

My sleep was interrupted. At first I thought I was still in the dream I was having, a dream of house-to-house fighting and storming the darkness. Nope. “Lady Fujiko requests an audience!” one of the Imperial Guards announced.  _ Her?  _ I tied on my sash and sat up in bed. “If she wants a late-night meeting, come on in!” Nan joined me, sitting at my side. I stroked his head, he licked my hand. The brown-haired woman with hazel-almost bronze eyes came inside. She was dressed almost as unprofessionally as I, except she was wearing furs and I robes. “What do you want?” I asked, not trying to sound rude  _ but also you’re in my tent _ . She kowtowed. 

“Your Majesty. Agni’s Champion. I know of a way to end this snowstorm and prevent the army from freezing and starving.” She kowtowed and bopped the soil again. “What is it?” I felt groggy, a bit too groggy to think of an answer to that question. “Your Majesty has nonbelievers. One offering to Her Imperial Majesty-” I pulled the dagger  _ right  _ from my sarashi and pointed it at her. “If I hear one more ‘I’d like to burn your men’ from you, I’ll cut you open from your womanly bits to your neck,” and I gestured to either part. 

For the first time since that time I stumbled on her and Shuo having an interesting wrestling time, she recoiled in terror. Real terror. Almost cry worthy, for her, terror. “Forgive me, Your Majesty! Forgive me! If I knew Agni’s Champion would be against-” but I interrupted her again, “You knew before and you’ll know again. I worship the Spirit of someone who was so unforgiving she killed all her opponents and had her secret police kill anyone who opposed her and their families. If I were you, my lady, I would not.” The woman bopped her head again and again. 

Here’s the thing with her. I’ve seen pious peasants. I’m surrounded by them. This woman, this lightningbender who could turn storms to steam, she was just as frightened by me as the rest of them. Normally, these kinds of spiritual leaders aren’t like that. But… she actually acted like a peasant, not like someone holier-than-the rest. Maybe it’s because I loom over her by being half a Consort’s foot taller. Maybe. It’s most likely because, as she professes, I’m exactly who I am. I sheathed my blade. 

“There are other methods, Your Majesty” she pleaded. As much as gutting someone, especially someone who wants to burn my men alive, would be fun, I am also the Emperor. Officially, I have to be diplomatic. Officially, I’m not supposed to be encamped halfway between nowhere and a rebel city.  _ Alas, I can still be diplomatic _ . “Go on.” “If Your Majesty knows of one with royal blood, a few drops would be accepted.”  _ I’m sorry, what?  _

“Royal blood?” I asked like she was talking about something I’d never heard of. “The blood of the Earth Kings of old runs strong through their descendants’ veins, Your Majesty. With a little of it, the-” I was starting to lose patience and interrupted her. “I don’t know of anyone with such blood.  _ I  _ was practically kidnapped and bought off by the man we’re off to kill because I had ‘holy’ blood. I don’t want to hear about your holy blood and blood and blood and blood and blood.”  _ It’s not like my entire situation was started because I happened to have that blood _ .

“There are other methods, Your Majesty. Ones that will prevent the men from starving. Which they will do, soon.” I put my hand to my chin and tried my hardest not to roll my good eye. “What is it?” I don’t think words do justice for what she proposed next. What she proposed was the most outlandish nonsense I think I’ve ever heard. Including all the drunken remarks of the Imperial Tutor. “If Agni’s Champion would lay with me, as I am a descendant of a Fire Lord from three hundred years ago, the product of our copulation would satisfy Agni. Avatar’s blood and Agni’s holy blood.” As if to prove this, she put her hand on the robe’s edge, preparing to pull it off.  _ Yes. No. Really.  _

“You’re mad. The woman who has already opted to become close friends with one of my bodyguards is asking for… you’re just insane. _If your Spirits are asking for someone to forsake their vows, your Spirits are not to be worshipped.”_ and I stood up. “ _I don’t care if there was someone with royal, holy or Avatar’s blood in this marching army that wasn’t me. And there probably is. I’m not doing it and neither are they._ ” and I took to standing in front of the lantern, to let my shadow cast all over her. “ _Be grateful I don’t have you set alight. Take your beliefs and let me sleep_.” 

She proceeded to plead for forgiveness. And plead. “Get  _ out  _ of my tent.” and I thought real hard about that bow next to me and how nice she’d look with an arrow through her head. I thought about it, but I would rather not create five thousand new enemies to contend with. So I simply kicked her out of my room. She should be  _ really  _ happy Toph or Suki is not present for this because the former would likely bury her without second contemplation and the latter would knock her out and tie her up in one stride. Not because she violated Kyoshi’s Ethics, she didn’t. Technically.

There’s no reality where this ever-obedient servant of the Badgermole Throne would dare to, but I could definitely _see_ them being so upset at the ridiculous notion that they’d react in such a style. Then again, it’s more likely Toph would point at her, break into laughter, state some kind of euphemism, then realize that she was trying to propose what she was proposing for the sake of the _Spirits_ , and _then_ bury her in the earth, because, as is said, I’m betrothed to _her_ and not some random… _Fire Lord’s descendant?_ _Is that why she can lightningbend?_

Day Eleven came. I was up so early I caught glimpses of the star-filled sky. I summoned Zhu to help me out of and into new clothes and he wondered why I was up as early as I was. “I had an interesting night.” Not a lie. I did. I sat in bed most of the night and thought about what she said she should do, what she asked to do and what she proposed to do. And I thought about the Spirits and their nature. Her statements felt pulled right out of a folktale. 

Or pulled out of one of the Dai Li’s  _ On the Military History of the Fire Nation _ . Because… in those military history archives, they speak of Eastern Fire Warlords, those from the Mo Ce Isles, practicing exactly what she proposed. Burning one man to cause an avalanche. Burning someone holy to make a star fall on the enemy camp. The last option she… desired,  _ that’s the best word for it _ , was often to bring about victory against heavily fortified castles. And she’s of Fire Lord’s blood, which means spiritually, she’s quite holy.  _ Not that the Fire Lords were always the most sacred honorable of people, but their blood certainly was _ .

That’s the unnerving part. If these were simply folktales, then they’d be folktales. Like the honorable  _ yunjiwei  _ winning the fair and pretty maiden at the end. That’s a folktale. Or Earth King Huang being so just and fair and all that that he won the lands with his charisma alone. That’s a folktale. But this was  _ history.  _ It could be sheer coincidence, but it is documented as being  _ history _ . For better or worse, all I could say is that she wasn’t making it up because she happened to get a taste for the Imperial Army and wanted more. No. There was  _ something  _ to it. 

As it turned out, we were far further south than where I fell. We were some two or three villages further on. Apparently during my period of being semi-conscious, I ordered that our forces press on as close to Shimucai as possible. This far south, the valley started opening up. Or...that’s what the scouts told me. We were marching through heavy snow. It fell in blankets. The Makapuan Sages proved true on their promises. They were able to light torches for the rest of us even in the middle of all this. During the ride, some of the Imperial Guard’s ostrich horses simply stopped, fell over, and died. I counted three such deaths from the journey from nowhere to Shimucai. Thankfully, the strong padding on the heavy Imperial Armor that they also wore prevented broken legs. Or maybe they’re just good riders. Eitherway, those weren’t the only mounts to die. 

We got to Shimucai during what I  _ guess  _ was noontime since it was snowing but there were clear skies somewhere above us. Once there, the scouts and the Village Headman told us the mighty Chenxinren-shui was but one mountain range over from us. And,  _ best of all _ !, it was a roadway. Granted, the Headman told us this while we were under attack by hail. Hail, not snow, since the snow stopped. At the same time, the Makapuans were praying to a bonfire in the town, a bonfire next to the barely visible -as it’s clouded in snow- statue of Toph. Someone tossed a completely fresh piece of ostrich horse meat onto the bonfire… as a sacrifice. Fujiko was the one feeding the flames. And the one chanting about me being the Champion and all that. And fed the flames. Then sang about Toph. Then fed the flames. I took the Shimucai Headman’s volunteers, five men, two of which were riders, and told my men that we were going to make for the Chenxinren-shui by nightfall, “Whether it rains fire or stars, we march.” 

Many wanted to camp up for the rest of the day, others wanted to celebrate reaching the Colonial border.  _ Which we hadn’t yet done _ . The Makapuan Mountains were somewhere between the lands of the Colonies and the Kingdom’s continental domain, but claimed by the latter, but, as we saw, not really supervised by the latter.  _ So they became a kind of buffer nobody had any interest in _ .The Chenxinren-shui is the border since rivers are often used as borders. What reaching this border also means is that we might finally be able to get larger-than-local maps and figure out where we are. Regional maps. Might. Of course… we had to get there first.  _ The Colonials have always been excellent surveyors. The men and women of Shirahama worked day and night and most southwestern continental maps were made by the hands of one of a few men and women in Shirahama _ .  _ Kei, Chuo, Isamu, Masaru… were there any others?  _

March, we did. Within a  _ dian _ , the hail stopped. The clouds didn’t break and the fog stayed to blind us, but the ceaseless bombardment  _ did  _ end. On the one hand, we were in a wide plain that stretched a half-day’s march in either direction. On that same hand, the bogs and ponds were behind us. On the other hand, we couldn’t see anything. On the -same- other hand, we had thick forest encroaching on us. So thick that the riding formation had to thin out. 

Combine this with heavy snowfall that hadn’t melted and it meant that the wagons behind us were sent further behind us. The rearguard, the men who should get all the songs sung about them but never will, had to push the carts forward to maintain some semblance of progression. A cold chill, as cold as the winds off the Frozen Coast from up in Xishan, came down to bite us. The ostrich horses did not want to go in this chill. The men did not want to go. The Makapuans, even, slowed down. Even I felt it in my dry clothes. 

And yet, night would fall and it would see us in a thin mountain valley just north of Tianna-gongji.  _ Just  _ north of it. The village lights, more bonfires, twinkled down the valley from us. But we couldn’t go on. The snow was just that deep and the mounts were stopping from exhaustion. Even my blue-barded girl wanted to rest. Setting up camp was harder than previous days. Everything was wet like it had been dragged through a swamp. Everything and everyone from camp supplies to tents to ostrich horses of all breeds to men and women of all kinds had to be warmed up by the firebenders. So, of course, where do most of them flock to for heat? The Makapuan fires.

For as we counted our dead, the Makapuan Sages were erecting ten foot tall pyres and blasting them alight to turn night to day. The Makapuans converted our men, mostly Guiren’s and some Colonials from Gangxi, over by the dozens, as the pyres burned bright in this cold, cold night. The Sages would put their hands to the men’s chests and ‘rekindle Agni’s inner flame’ or something like that. They claimed to feel that ‘inner flame’.  _ Sure, it’s probably just the pyres and all the firebenders warming the air around them with passive firebending abilities _ . As we took headcounts and tried to save those who were freezing to death, the Makapuans donated some of their Sages to help. As expected, these men who were saved from death  _ also  _ joined the converts.

As I buried men I knew from Ba Sing Se, men of the Imperial Metalbending Guard, the Makapuans welcomed all these new members with mass kowtows to the pyres and sermons of ‘Agni has kindled the flame in tens of new people tonight!’ or something like that. As I gave these men… men I knew, I never spoke to, but I  _ knew _ , the Makapuans were giving a sermon.  _ A sermon _ . Right before immolating the few of theirs that fell. 

We lost two of my personal retinue, one born in the Lower Ring to a potter’s family, one the sixth son of a Middle Ring merchant. And there I was, armor and all, helping carry both bodies to their graves slightly in the forest, in a clearing the rest of the Guard made to commemorate them  _ for now _ . I already knew that after we made their tombs, I’d have the Colonials travel north to exhume them and bury them in their cemetery. 

When the time came, I was the one to conjure a speech, a speech I never wanted to give. Taishi made a small platform near the graves for me to use. 

“They came from the capital. They followed us into battles from Yankou to Lutianzhen. Into the mountains and out and in again. They earned no awards for bravery, nor will songs be sung of them. They were unimportant and yet they were crucial. For just as the Empire cannot run without it’s millions of loyal servants, citizens and hardworking men and women, the Imperial Metalbending Guard cannot run without people like these two. I cannot give them awards, for they do not deserve to walk around, as my cousin would say, ‘dressed like a jewelry store’. They deserved more. For when the honorable and medal-filled noblemen prance about, they never earned those medals. You all did, they did, by fighting for those walking jewelry stores. May our two brothers join the ranks of hundreds who burned the day the dragon fell, or those who assaulted Caldera, or those who have died in wars against  _ daofei  _ and deserter. May they be granted the same afterlife all of us aspire to. Beneath the ancient high peaks of…”  _ where am I? Uhh…  _ “... Tianna-gongji, beneath a thousand ancestral spirits watching us, I pray for their ascension to the Jade Palace.” 

Then I took a few steps back and got off the platform. 

Taishi, being the highest ranked officer present, went up next. “Gongying and Boxian followed the Captain across the Mo Ce and followed Her Imperial Majesty to victory there. Then they followed His Imperial Majesty from Ba Sing Se here. Gongying helped damage two enemy tanks and took down two aircraft during the Battle Above Fanhui, while Boxian helped damage four enemy tanks and take down one enemy aircraft.” He paused to grow sullen.

“None of us want such a death, a slow chill that takes over your body. Our vows cease with our deaths, sure, but it is death on the battlefield, or peacefully in one’s sleep, that we want. I did not know them well but the Captain would. None of us journeyed out here thinking our fates would be etched in the stone of the mountains. With the guidance of good leadership, we will  _ leave  _ these mountains and march to, as His Imperial Majesty may say, victory or death.” 

With a simple speech done, he went to go cry somewhere while the rest of us took to burying these two. Back to the earth they were born on, or so it is said. 

We lost twenty heavy riders. Guiren’s men took care of their rites. I don’t know how many Makapuans died, it was definitely more than one, and his or her death had a whole burning ritual. Cremation. The Sages, like their distant cousins in the Fire Nation, burned the body. In both cases, it was burned to ash. In these mountains, it’s on a funeral pyre that is left alight. All of this was done beneath the watchful gaze of the stars high above and the ancient peaks towering to either side of us. 

And Tianna-gongji just… there.  _ There _ . The mighty river just beyond it and the lands that New Taku may or may not claim beyond that. Worst of all, as we were truly in the wilderness, there was no way to send riders back to Ba Sing Se to bring these people’s last writings and personal possessions. That didn’t mean I didn’t find a way. The way would be that while most of us marched on New Taku, some men would be tasked with going down to the coast and buying passage. Taishi would pick one Imperial Guard to do this, whoever he wished to. 

I went to sleep not wanting to see another one of my loyal bodyguards lying on the ground, frozen like a block of ice. Because such a sight is hard to forget, I thought about it all night. Meanwhile, for the tally? All of this? The ninth through eleventh days? Fifty three  _ li _ .  _ With three hundred and some to go.  _

Day Twelve started with what sounded like an explosion. That made me jump out of bed, grab my  _ jian _ , and dare to charge whoever was making an explosion with my  _ jian _ . Instead, I found that Fujiko, a woman who never seems to sleep and is always up before I and asleep after I, exploded one of the conifers. Or… she did  _ something  _ because it was raining charred wood chips. 

“What in the holy name of Her Imperial Majesty are you doing out here?” She turned to me and did her fealty kowtow. “I offered a sacrifice of meat to Agni, Agni’s Champion.” One of those burning wood chips landed next to me. “It doesn’t seem to have worked.” “Oh! Your Majesty! It did! Doesn’t Your Majesty see?” and she pointed at the ground. I looked at the ground,  _ there’s snow there. Yes. _ She started…  _ dancing? _ ... stomping on the snow. “The snow is melting!” she sang in a cheery creepy praise.  _ The snow is melting?  _

I took my hand and stuck it into the snow. My finger reached soil one knuckle in.  _ She’s right.  _ “Why is the snow melting?” I looked up and around and the Sun hadn’t yet risen. “Agni answered us!” the woman cheered like a schoolgirl, except she’s twenty-something. The other more perceptive people had emerged from their tents, some with weapons drawn, some without, all from hearing this  _ crack-boom _ explosion. 

All of us were gathered around her and the bonfire bits in a circle. “You made the snow melt. With _prayers_ ,” I said, in disbelief. “I simply asked Agni and Agni does as He wishes. I offered my dead follower.” _You… burned…_ I took a breath. “They were already dead?” “Yes, Your Majesty! A perfect offering to Agni, wouldn’t Your Majesty think so?” _So that’s why the scent of charred flesh lingers_. 

“I’m going to leave you to your nonsense and I’m going to grab my pants and we’re going to march on,”and I spun around and started for my tent… until… she called out after me. “The Water Spirits will try to stop us, Your Majesty!” So… I did what I do best. I put my hand on my  _ jian _ . 

“Then they’ll regret dueling the One-Eyed Badgermole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we march through lands within the boundaries of the Colonies but far from the urban city of New Taku. A hardy rural folk await us.
> 
> -If you're new here, all placenames in this chapter are based on a real mountain range's placenames, just with the words translated from English (or sometimes French if relevant) to Mandarin. E.x. North River would translate to Beishui, and North Creek would be Beichuan.  
> -Normally I'd leave this in as something only some readers will get, but it's important to the encyclopedia:   
> -The Makapuan Spirituality borrows heavily from Fire Spirituality;  
> 1) "Agni's Chosen" normally refers to the Fire Lord.   
> 2) That hatred of the Spirits? That's because the previous 'Agni's Chosen's' were Fire Lords from the Hundred Year War.   
> 3) The 'Inner Flame'  
> -The pyres are not from the Fire Nation.  
> -Why did this 'new' Spirituality pop up in these mountains? Firebenders are quite useful against harsh winters, therefore, they'll be the subject of reverence. In a world full of superstition (some of which are true), those firebenders must get their power from somewhere.   
> -Therefore, Colonial Sages who already believed in Agni and the 'Inner Flame' simply had to show up and demonstrate the power of a powerful (aka, can firebend) 'inner flame' by firebending. The firebending made them popular. Firebending saved peoples' lives in winter when previous Spirit reverence didn't.   
> -Some of the darker sides of the Spirituality were handed down from whatever previously existed in the Makapuan Mountains, which itself came from the harshness of being near totally isolated from the rest of the continent.  
> -Why Colonials and not other Earth groups? The Colonials brought roads and Colonial civilization, spurred on by the desire to 'tame the frontier'. The Earth groups were quite happy rarely venturing into the mountains (unless they owned vacation homes there, and that was always a select few anyways).  
> -What is Agni's Champion and where is it from?  
> -It is based on the Fire Nation's concept of Agni choosing a powerful figure (see; Agni's Chosen) + Earth Spiritualities and their deification of folk heroes (Guan Yu being considered God of War in China, for instance) + 'Tribal' desires for a Tribal strongman/woman to rise up and protect them. All three together, and we have Agni's Champion.  
> -++ to that, as Mori is the One-Eyed Badgermole already, these people simply took that title to mean the same as 'Agni's Champion'.  
> -Joining the Imperial Metalbending Guard is very hard. Deliberately so. The real Imperial Guard they're based on numbered in the low thousands, at most. https://www.mandarinmansion.com/glossary/imperial-bodyguard-qing  
> -Mori does feel a camaraderie with his men, that's why he eats what they eat.


	98. The Colonial Hinterland (or: The Blacksmith's Rebellion)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor crosses rural Colonial land as the twinkling New Taku gets ever closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus, this chapter is the chapter where I reach a million words in 'Wacky'!
> 
> This is also my longest chapter in all of 'Adventures', clocking in at 19.5k words!

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Four:

We arrived at Tianna-gongji by the time the Sun had touched the ground, not the peaks, with light that Fujiko called “Revitalizing”. I for one have lived through Caldera. There’s nothing revitalizing about an army of Imperial Firebenders with the full power of the Sun behind them. Or, you know, Druk burning hundreds in the Palace long, long, ago. Or, obviously, Sozin’s Comet and the day everything was on fire. Nope. That’s small stuff. She’s just a backwards nobody Sage from… the middle of nowhere.  _ Except she isn't nobody, is she? With her powers of firebending? _ Her claim sounds more and more truthful with the more pyres she lights.

Tianna-gongji was the first town we’ve seen in many, many, many days. Arguably since Lutianzhen. It had one main road and three dozen side roads leading to houses and cabins. Not only were there general stores and blacksmiths and tailors and a Town Hall,  _ yes, really! _ , but there was even a messenger hawk station and  _ restaurants. Restaurants _ , along the road large enough to support two-way carriage traffic.  _ Restaurants _ . Not to mention the stables. There were  _ stables _ . Proper stables set aside with feed for ostrich horses. It also had a large Agni shrine for it’s followers. 

I lived in Ba Sing Se for a year and some and yet after only two weeks of where I just was, this felt like visiting Shirahama for the first time after living on Kyoshi Island forever.  _ So many roads!  _ It wasn’t just peasants and farmers and foresters, there was a distinct Middle Ring feel along the main road. As our military group slowly worked its way through the town with a population to march our army, I spotted men and women dressed in merchant’s robes and other Middle Ring-appropriate styles. Gold trimmed lapels and fancy cuffs.  _ Robes. Robes. They’re wearing robes _ . These people were wearing  _ robes _ not furs. The robes were fur-lined, much like mine, but they were  _ robes _ . 

And the Town Mayor, a lady named Kimi, was dressed in court robes with the Magistrate’s cap and everything.  _ I could kiss those robes. They’re so clean and robe like.  _ I was the one offering bows to her. The tall bamboo woman was rightfully unsure why the Emperor of the Earth Empire was bowing to her, but because he’s the Emperor of the Earth Empire, she’d likely get executed for asking.  _ Just let me do my thing. Thank you _ . 

Tianna-gongji had a population of normal Colonials, with only a few Makapuans. Tianna-gongji was, as she called it to my cast of mostly Imperial bodyguards -and one Makapuan-, ‘the edge between civilization and wilderness’ and I couldn’t agree with her more. It was located on the north bank of the Chenxinren-shui. The river was too thin -Taishi guessed it was a hundred Consort’s feet wide and Kimi confirmed it- to support heavy ships, but it did act as an artery for riverine trade and local fishing. Boats could sail from here down to the Mo Ce Coast. Sadly not the correct coast of New Taku, but  _ a  _ coast. They exported lumber, not much of a surprise, tailored goods, supposedly deer-rabbit boots are popular ornaments for the tropical Fire Islanders to hang in their houses to pretend like they’ve been somewhere, and lumber axes. A lack of vessels to support such a large army meant we couldn’t just boat our way south. On the bright side, the town was fervently loyal to the Badgermole Throne and Kimi gave us the news that nobody else had. 

New Taku was not doing well. Kimi claimed that, “From what I’ve heard”, the Fire Lord rejected the former Lord of Gaoling’s plea for help. Zuko, they call him the Fire Lord, “has issued a Royal Decree denouncing the city as a rogue entity.” I asked her “And where is this Royal Decree?” to which she shook her head and bowed in apology. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but as we’re not in the Fire Nation, we haven’t received such a decree.” To this, I skeptically asked “Then where did you get the information?” and she pointed down the main road at a wayside inn. “Travelers, Your Majesty.” I pulled on my now-growing-out facial hair and thought to myself.  _ I suppose it makes sense _ . Then I looked back at her, “and what else?” “The Fire Lord has called on those, according to the travelers, ‘with the power to’, to bring the city back into the Empire.”

When I asked her for news from New Taku itself, she went on. After it’s losses to the Empire, namely us,  _ namely me _ , the forces of New Taku retreated to their capital. Every other week an envoy from the former Lord of Gaoling’s servant, the newest Chairman, Pei, would come to Tianna-gongji to request it’s assistance. She stated that the former Lord was and still is “asking all those he can for help” and, to quote her, “I haven’t heard a single Colonial city or town answering the call of rebellion”. 

When the ever-perceptive son of a brothel-maid, Taishi, interjected with “And what of the villages?”, she looked at him with a blink or two of confusion. “What of them? His envoys aren’t going to travel to each village.” While I tried to think of what he was talking about, he explained himself. “Wouldn’t his envoys travel to villages? Have any villages to our southwest declared for New Taku?” She didn’t even need to think this through. “None of them. They’ve no reason to, New Taku’s armies were demolished, why would anyone send their sons and daughters off to fight a losing war?” To this, Taishi, Guiren, Fengji, Zhu, and the rest of my men nodded in agreement.

_ That’s quite reasonable _ , I concluded.  _ Which means this rebellion is in its death throes. If nobody’s supporting it, then it’ll only have whatever isn’t in ruins at Fanhui or sunk at the bottom of a river. Which means infantrymen and… riders. Levies, at that _ . This doesn’t make the three hundred and fifty  _ li  _ journey any easier, but it was a great piece of motivation to the men. I could tell it from their faces. We were all thinking the same thing, ‘ _ let’s capture this city now _ ’, for the aforementioned reasons.  _ And, as we concluded previously, the longer we wait, the more likely the former Lord of Gaoling will buy up some contracts for mercenaries _ .

There’s one final thing that the Kimi spoke of. First, some context:

Long ago, back when Toph single handedly,  _ go you, Toph!  _ took Yu Dao, she gave a not-that-great speech to the blacksmiths of the city. See, she loves, among other things, metalbending. And blacksmiths love bending metal to their whims and wishes. A very amicable relationship between the Badgermole Throne and the metallurgists of the Colonies was born. It’s by their hammers that the Colonies are granted low taxes and almost totally free reign of how they want to manage their lands. That relationship has, since I last checked, still remained vibrant and full of life. The way I understand it from some of Toph’s late night ‘it’s discussion time’ discussions, the blacksmiths were still best friends with the Badgermole Throne and Toph personally. She’d invite the top blacksmiths to Ba Sing Se to sit around and discuss ‘making metal sing.’ It was by the hands of one Yu Dao blacksmith that my meteorite blades were born. 

Why is all this important? Kimi disclosed that “The government of New Taku is persecuting any it thinks are associated with the old government.” When we asked for clarification, as people tend to do, she explained that “the blacksmiths, many of whom own smiths in Ba Sing Se, were driven out by mobs of angry New Takuans, or lynched.” When we asked her for some evidence of this, she called for a woman named Chie, who wore the apron of a blacksmith. This middle-aged woman “Escaped from New Taku when-” she “-saw the shops on-” her “-street get looted by grey-coated men and women.” These people “vandalized the shops, marking them as being ‘owned by the Usurper.’” When Fengji asked if she’d like to join us, she shook her head. “I’d like to stay as far from the city as possible, thanks.” 

I took her aside, personally, to ask her “What’s going on in New Taku? What are the troops like?” With nobody around us, I had all my guards and even Fujiko stay away, it was just the two of us. “Your Majesty, the… the Chairman is trying to make alliances with anyone he can. Last I heard when I was there, a small contingent of people from some northern island chain were coming with their cutters.” To this, I head-bowed to her. “Thank you,” and tossed her a gold piece, “so you don’t starve while up here.” With that done, I rode back to my men, men who were happy to enjoy the  _ normal _ weather of summertime air, and order that we move out. 

We took a headcount, about eleven thousand strong, not counting camp followers. I could probably demand every last Colony from here to Huping pour men out to support us, but the whole point of my army is to be made of the fastest troops, not the largest quantity of them. From what I knew then, Song or How or both would follow me up with an army a hundred and fifty thousand strong. As such, I only accepted volunteers who consented to being aware of all that will result from a long march southwest. Some thirty one people, fifteen of which were riders, joined us. 

We regrouped and began the march off from Tianna-gongji at around noontime. Kimi told us New Taku was a hundred and fifty  _ li  _ as the messenger hawk flies. That didn’t bode well for the march ahead. We had stocked up on provisions, paid for, from the town. It wouldn’t be enough to feed the entire army for a single day, but it was enough to feed them for breakfast and lunch. 

I asked Kimi a request: Travel up the road about five  _ dian _ to a place with a large stone marker for the two graves from earlier. Take the bodies and bury them in Tianna-gongji. Not only did she accept, she grabbed her local garrison and had all five hundred of them go north to reclaim  _ all  _ the bodies that were buried in that pass. She kowtowed with a promise, “I will bury them not where we bury our own, but a new plot set aside for the Emperor’s Army.” The Imperial Guards held their formal faces even when I knew they wanted to cry happily, and I’m sure Guiren’s were the same.  _ It’s okay, the Makapuans were probably happy their dead are flying around as ashes _ . For  _ her  _ last offer, Kimi gave us a few locals to help guide us and inform us of what we’re passing.

As for everything and everyone else, we left the heartland of the Makapuan Mountains to kowtows and peasant-to-royalty bows. Tianna-gongji, a town on the edge of the wilderness, has a school. Said school emptied itself and I watched schoolchildren, all dressed in the same reddish-brown uniform, line the riverside to bow up to me and my blue armor. They pulled off their bows quite well. I offered them and specifically them a smile.  _ It’s nice to see schoolchildren after all this _ , I thought to myself _. _

There was a wide bridge across the Chenxinren-shui that we used. We came to a junction on the other side of the bridge. The Colonials told us to go straight south, in the words of the woman who I spoke to, “into the rolling hills, not along the river, Your Majesty.” Why not the river? “The river runs along the border, it goes nowhere near New Taku, Your Majesty.” So I followed her advice and we went off into the south. South into more forest.

We rode through a thick hemlock, oak and maple forest. Evergreens were scattered here and there like conical hats in a crowd of undone. This forest looked stunning beneath the midday Sun. Unlike in the Mountains somewhere behind us, the rays of the Sun shone down through a continugous canopy making us ride in the shadows of leaves with light rays working their way through. On the other hand, the Makapuan Mountains had us either never be in a canopy as the trees never covered the road, or had the Sun broken apart by tree trunks, or had the Sun hide behind the thick cones.

We rode for a few  _ dian.  _ And a few more. As I later learned, we actually went right past a whole village, the village of Xingguang. Why did we miss it? The Village Headwoman of Xingguang had a side road with both ends connecting to the main travelling road. The village used to have it’s own village road, said side road, but Tianna-gongji had a main road that wasn’t as curved -originally the road followed the streambed- built to replace the main thoroughfare. This made our marching much easier. The roadway we took here and going south was  _ paved _ . Paved. This middle-of-nowhere place at wilderness’s edge had better quality roads than the entirety of the Makapuan Mountains. 

Yuan-Jisicun was the first village we arrived at. At this point, the Sun was already in its early afternoon stage. The village had two dozen different farmsteads carved out of the forest. The village lacked a Village Hall. It did possess a messenger hawk station next door to a general store and farmer’s market. It was just down the road from this market that I spotted the first truck I’ve seen since…  _ Weinan?  _ ... in weeks. 

The Village Headman, Daisuke, in place of a proper hall, lived in a slightly larger two story house next to the messenger hawk station. In his words, “We aren’t anything special, Your Majesty.” To this, I pointed at the truck and said “You’ve got a truck.” He bowed and smiled. “We do, Your Majesty. We export lumber.”  _ So that’s why it’s there _ . Taishi went along with my tangent. “That’s a truck.” He nodded. 

This made me curious about something. “A truck means paved roads, does it not?” He bowed and smiled again. “That’s correct, Your Majesty. The road to the Chenxinren-shui is paved.”  _ To the… wait. That’s where we were.  _ “What do you mean ‘to’. The river’s to our north.” One of my scouts bowed and explained that “The river wraps around, Your Majesty. It starts small up here then wraps around to be much wider down across from Shengdishi.” I was glad to hear this,  _ this means our march should be quicker _ . Why are paved roads important? Fast marching. I took no volunteers from here as they lacked any speedy ostrich horse riders.

Sure enough, it was the mid-afternoon, the shadows from the trees had begun covering us, when we got to Mu-Hu. This village was built on the junction of six different roads. The paths going east, south and northwest were farmer’s trails. One connected this village with one three  _ li  _ to the east. The other two joined other farming trails out in the other directions. The other three roads are paved. A road we weren’t going on, a road that went straight west, went to an unnamed cluster of farmhouses to the west. 

Speaking of, like the previous village, this one was carved out of the continuous forest. I spotted ten different portions of land, each divided by a line of bushes or small trees, around the town. Some had farmhouses built onto the land, some didn’t. Those farmhouses usually had farm barns and grain silos. Some of those farmers were even toiling on their fields. The main road featured one restaurant and one inn that doubled as a restaurant. Next to them, a messenger hawk post. This Village Headwoman, Tomoko, gathered volunteers and collected four individuals who wanted to join my campaign. They came with light armor and  _ dao  _ blades. 

We re-emerged from the thick forest in farmland. It wasn’t endless farmland, the edges of the forest were clearly visible. This was just farmland with only three or four visible farmhouses, associated barns, and stables to tend to. A strange sight considering we’d just spent the past three or four  _ dian  _ travelling down a wide covered roadway. The Colonials said that this whole area had “Seventy five lakes” tucked away behind the trees but ‘only five known bogs’.  _ Which means we aren’t going to fall into random bogs going forward…  _ Soon enough, we were back into the forest. I wanted to get as  _ far  _ south as we could.

Literal moments later, I was spurned from my desires to spend the rest of the day trapped in what felt like a tight corridor of beautiful trees by the forest giving way to farmland. And not just farmland. Rolling farmland. For the first time since Lutianzhen, I could look  _ out _ . Look out far from where I was. I wasn’t trapped in some valley, or in a blinding fog. And look out is what I did. 

Near and distant hills were crowned with the same mixed wood forest, a forest with thirty different species of trees and nearly as many hues of green and yellow leaves.  _ Early autumn? _ . Wherever the endless forest was shaved away, farm houses and plots of land took their place. These farms lacked any kind of grand planning or cohesion,  _ the work of settlers carving land out of the backcountry _ , but they delivered on looking quaint. 

Each hill would have one or two houses and they’d always be far enough apart that each structure had a sizable backyard. Each house was given little structural changes to match it’s style. The breezes coming from the southwest showed the Imperial Colonial Standard, a red earth coin on a green background, in all its glory. Every other house had such a flag. Many houses had archery ranges out in the back. They had cattle pens and ostrich horse stables. Old weathered fence posts along the road to prevent the imported hippo-cows from leaving. Weather vanes in the style of pig-roosters on top of the houses. 

The houses were usually built in a place with a nice view. The side of a hill, the top of a hill, often pointed west towards where the Sun would set or pointed east towards the faint spiked snow capped Makapuan Mountains. When Court Painters try to capture the beauty of the life of a farmer, they need only travel here to see it for themselves. Granted, it’s not an easy life,  _ wild animals, highwaymen, poachers,  _ all threats,  _ and all the toiling in the fields that need to be done _ , but the payoff is the views.  _ Imagine raising progeny in such a land _ , I wondered to myself. I forcibly undistracted myself _ , that’s something to save for another time, a conversation with someone else. _

The early evening came upon us with the Sun sinking -but not yet setting- into the western sky. Low enough that the shadows of passing houses would hide us. High enough that the hills we’d grace still shone with the hues of sunlight. During this, the Colonial scouts, er, heralds, returned bearing news that “We’ll reach the village of Kuaishan by dusk, Your Majesty.” This made for the third, or fourth, village we’d encounter in a single afternoon and early evening. A  _ single  _ one.  _ The land is both populated and yet still has that feel of being rural _ . I turned to my men and said “We’ve marched far enough today,” and I sensed the men’s silent appreciation of my mercy. So, just before the Sun could go all the way down, we made a sharp left turn to follow the road into Kuaishan.

Kuaishan demonstrated the planned farm style of the Colonies. The village itself was built along the main road, an east-west road. To the north and south of the village, blocks of the forest were chopped out. Square blocks. Not uniform blocks, fine, but blocks nonetheless. The Headwoman, Etsuko, described it best, as an answer to my question of why the forest looks the way it does. “We cut square portions of land out of the forest and hand each to a landowner, Your Majesty. Each portion is nearly equal to every other portion.” The location of such indentation needs not be consistent. The southern side of the village had farmland extending out to a treeline “A thousand Consort’s Feet” away from us.  _ Thanks, Etsuko _ .  _ Thanks, my feet as measurements _ . The farmland on the north didn’t extend nearly as far northwards.

The village had some unique features. While my men encamped and the Sun vanished into the west, I took my ostrich horse and some of my Imperial Guards and went riding up and down the main road. The villagers were peering out of their second story shutters. Children ducked away when I looked and adults bowed. I turned around and looked back at my encampment. The Makapuans built their bonfire and prayed to it. The rest of the men were setting up tents. Meanwhile, Kuaishan had a small building that functioned as a shrine to Agni and a shrine to Toph. As nighttime was just beginning and night is important to firebenders  _ for some reason _ , many villagers were gathering inside the building to meditate in silence. 

I passed them by for the next building along the road. “Is that a library?” I asked Nan and pointed at it. “Woof!” he replied. I had no idea what he was saying, to nobody’s surprise. “I… it really is.” “Woof!” Then Taishi joined in. “It is.” I choked on my laughter. A  _ library _ . They had a  _ library _ . I dismounted in front of it. “Kuaishan Library, Kuaishan” with the date of construction being the first year of Ozai. My head went side-to-side as I tried to shake reality into it. I blinked my good eye and blinked and looked back up at the sign. A  _ library _ . As the Makapuans were praying, I went inside. A  _ library _ .  _ With archives _ .

Kuaishan, a village far closer to the edge of the wilderness than to the coast, had a collection of scrolls on farming, fishing, hunting, woodcutting, pottery making, tailoring and blacksmithing. Those are amazing enough on their own. Someone who lived in this frontierland put time aside to compile all this. Are they an expert writer? No. Were the scrolls works of art? Not really. In addition to this, and the best part: Almanacs

_ The Farmer, Fisher and Forester’s Almanac  _ was a publication made by the use of the printing press. It included weather predictions for the seasons, planting charts for when to sow and harvest and local recipes and articles.  _ Articles _ . These overlapped with the aforementioned scrolls in many places. 

The most recent Almanac, _The Farmer, Fisher and Forester’s Almanac_ _of the Second Year of Her Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Empress_ , included the following articles: “On the Platypus Bear: How to hunt, trap and survive encounters with the feral beast”, “Cloth or Wool?”, “Our Picks for Blueberry Pie”, “Ten Uses for Firebending, from farmer to farmer”, “On Sons and Daughters: Arguments For and Against Sending Them to the Academy”, “The Yearly Guide to the Makapuan Mountains: Best Hunting, Best Campsites, Ten Lakes To Visit”, “Duck-Goose Hunting”, “Shortbow Or Crossbow: Our Picks” and “Handling House Pests.”

A special extra portion was added, titled  _ Secrets from the Imperial Bedchambers _ , with the following articles: “Cultivate Your Own Spruce”, “Teal is the new Blue”, “Ten Archery Tips From the Emperor”, “The Empress’s Five Favorite Teas”, “The Emperor’s Personal Workout,” “How to Make Kyoshi-Style Hard Drinks,” and finally, “Learn How to Make The Empress’s Hair Bracelet.” 

The Headwoman, Etsuko, noted my surprise and asked “What does Your Majesty think of the Colonial almanac?” Before I could answer, she smiled and said “They’re excellent little things, aren’t they?” and I tipped my head in agreement. “My lady, I’ve seen these before. I’m more…”  _ more is an understatement,  _ “...surprised by our location and finding these here.” She raised one of her black eyebrows. “Really, Your Majesty? Where did you see these?” then she tapped the ground and chirped “Yu Dao! Right?”  _ Ha.  _ I like this woman. 

“No, I worked on them in Shirahama.” “Was Your Majesty an editor?” I snickered at that line. She meant it with all due respect, but I found it funny.  _ The Emperor was once an editor of a paper much like this. _ “No, no, I read them and helped the Governor with scribe duties.” I opened the small book to the first page and pointed at the characters for ‘A Forward’. “I used to help write these.” The Headwoman and the man running the library bowed in respect. “That’s amazing, Your Majesty” it sounds sarcastic but the Headwoman meant it with respect. I flipped the book to the article about the duck-goose. Then I handed it to her and pointed at the header. “Garrison Officer Lee and I were summoned to give our thoughts about hunting duck-geese, just like here.”  _ An uncredited assistant one year, Emperor two years later.  _ The Headwoman handed the book back to me. “Would Your Majesty like to keep this?” I shook my head. “It’s appreciated, by no thanks.” 

As I tried to leave, she stopped me with a call. “Your Majesty, may I… a word?” and I paused.  _ You know what, you’re a nice person,  _ I turned towards her and bowed, “Of course.” She took the book and flipped over to the ‘ _ Secrets _ ’ section. “Would Your Majesty like to contribute anything to the next edition? I know the man that runs this, Makoto.” I took a moment to think about it. In a way, thinking of things like this was relaxing compared to the rest of the march. “Wouldn’t the next edition be way out of date?” She shook her head. “No, no, after making ten times the profits this year, from what I’ve heard, Makoto’s going to start making them seasonal.”  _ Ten times the profits? That’s like… one gold becomes ten, right?  _

“How?” was all I could ask. She gestured towards a wall. “I think people bought up the almanacs, they’re only ten copper, then bulk sent them to their families and friends, Your Majesty. With the profits, Michio was able to buy a whole factory of presses which means more papers. So… we’ve got the demand, and our brothers and sisters were happy to finance us.” I looked over at the library’s bookshelves while Nan tried licking Etsuko’s hand and she giggled, calling him “He’s a very nice boy, Your Majesty.” I couldn’t help but smile at it.

I thought about it, and thought about it.  _ Do I want to contribute to this paper? The rest of the men are dining and will be sleeping soon… and _ , “It can’t take that long, right?” “To make a contribution? A  _ geng _ at most, Your Majesty.”  _ A geng at most. Do I have a geng?  _ I looked through a window and out at twilight.  _ I need to be asleep soon. However… you know what…  _ I bowed to her, “Sure I’ll write something down.” She and the librarian cheered at the same time and turned into two massive fans, “Thank you Your Majesty! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” and all that.

I sat down at a table and had Etsuko bring me some local produce for dinner, which was firebender-toasted bread with melted cheese and a slab of grilled pig-rooster meat. Then I got to work writing. It took me a few  _ fen  _ to even think of what I’d want to write. “Would you rather have gossip?” I took a long gulp,  _ do I admit this? _ . Without their answer, “I’ll be getting… married… soon, to Her Imperial Majesty” and gestured to my thumb ring sitting on the table. The two of them, now joined by a couple young men and women, all beamed. Etsuko said “Michio was already working on it, Your Majesty, but congratulations nonetheless!” and the entire building chanted in congratulatory remarks. 

As much as I couldn’t help but smile, I also had to get this done, so I refocused the conversation. “Or would you rather some ‘Emperor’s tips’ or something like that?” I know I’m not always the best with words, gratefully for me, they understood what I was getting at. “Well… Your Majesty doesn’t need to tell us about the marriage. We’ll pick up that gossip from the Imperial Court.” I was somewhat surprised at their honesty. The everpresent worshipping of royalty is something people in both the Empire and the Fire Nation do. And I don’t just mean praying to them. As this almanac shows, there’s an underlying love of discussing what we’re up to.  _ I suppose people wish to live through us vicariously? If they knew what we had to do on a daily basis, would they still? _

I opted to, instead, write some, as I told Etsuko, “Advice that I know of that can’t be derived from gossiping.” Etsuko and the others bowed in agreement. The article’s going to be on the first page of _The Farmer, Fisher and Forester’s_ _Almanac, Fall, the Second Year of Her Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Empress._ It’ll be a set of seemingly irrelevant tips gathered together. “The Emperor’s Own Tips to Day-to-Day Life”, is what it’ll be called. It is as follows:

One, rise before the dawn, for time lost to laziness is never regained.  _ I know this from experience _ . 

Two, always try to maintain a training regimen, then follow through with it. I wrote down my morning pattern of ‘Go for a morning warm up run, then the  _ jian  _ blade, then the bow, then hand-to-hand combat’ and afternoon pattern of ‘Practice calligraphy and learn something new from the Archives’

Three, a chi-enhancing massage works wonders. I tried to summarize how I give back, shoulder and feet massages to Toph. I’d include Suki’s wisdom but she’s not here, so I’ll have to make do with myself.

Four, I always put aside some time before I go to sleep to talk to Toph, or as I call her here, Her Imperial Majesty. During these talks, I wrote that we discuss whatever is on our mind. In doing this, we’re able to figure out and solve any issues the other may have. 

Five, honesty during intimacy. As I write,  _ ‘if the two of us can’t know each other well, how could we possibly expect to know everyone else well?’ _ . 

Six, we take some time aside to do things that make us happy. I didn’t mention Pu-On Tim plays, or traipsing about the Agrarian Zone, it was just a generic comment. 

The aforementioned six notations don’t do what I actually wrote justice. Each number had a paragraph or more attached to it, these were just the summarizes. I know, the order of those size is not what others may write, and I can already see -even with my one eye- the people telling Michio ‘he wrote number three above the rest that means he put it as being more important’.  _ Oh, they’ll theorize and theorize and never think that maybe I wrote it that way because I felt like writing it that way _ . After submitting this document, and accidentally making Etusko kiss my signet ring -the way my hand was postured helped with that-, I took to departing for the night. 

Over the course of Day Twelve, we marched seventy  _ li _ .  _ Which means we have less than three hundred to go _ . 

I rose Day Thirteen some time before dawn. The cool mountain air with the scent of fresh rain was almost surreal. Cool, not  _ cold  _ air. And fresh rain, not chilly snow. It made me get up and leave my tent. Taishi and Zhu got up and I ordered the former to get the men ready to march and the latter… well I didn’t have to order the latter to do anything as he was going to dress and follow me around. We’d ride after dawn. 

Before that, I decided to go for a walk. Or rather, a stroll. I got into my heavy Imperial Armor and marched to the camp stables. The waiting stablemen had my mount ready, I mounted up, and rode up the road a little bit. There was an almost flat hill just to the northwest of the village,  _ note: we came down from it to get here _ , and I went back up it to enjoy looking at the twilight. I dismounted once on it, in a little meadow overlooking the village, and looked east.

A few  _ fen  _ passed. The eastern sky turned from thin yellow and dull red bands to a wide yellow, thin orange and bright red bands. Down the hill from us, the Makapuans were putting their bonfire together. Nan woofed with anticipation towards the east. I gave him head rubs. I would’ve given him more but he rolled onto his back and nicely woofed for some belly rubs.  _ So you get belly rubs, Nan.  _ I gave him rubs and rubs and even more rubs, always sensitive to make sure I didn’t scratch too hard. I watched the red ball of the Sun rise and he watched it rise upside down. 

Simultaneously, Fujiko -I could probably smell her bog self from here- coiled her arms around and combusted the bonfire with a lightning bolt. Then, they made the rest of the village listen to the  _ thousands  _ of them,  _ some six and a half thousand by the headcount’s own admission _ , gathering around this fire and kowtowing to it. I saw the locals, the villagers,  _ Colonials _ . The ones that looked out their windows closed the shutters. The ones that looked out their doors closed them, too. They wanted no part of this.  _ This is not their religion. This is not their belief.  _

Was it speech time?  _ It’s speech time _ . Lady Fujiko quieted the Agni-chanters down with her palms, stepped in front of the bright blaze of fire, and began delivering a sermon.

“There are only two options. Worship Agni’s Chosen, Her Imperial Majesty, and kowtow in fealty to Her, or side with the Water Spirits. There are many who are listening but who have not chosen correctly!” and she maintained looking to her followers since, I’d guess, implying has a bigger and more dramatic effect than outright looking towards. 

“Those of us who have not kowtowed and asked Agni for protection will face the Water Spirits’ wrath! The darkness that the Water Spirits bring will consume them! Noble and commoner alike, only Agni’s inner flame can stop the tentacles and icicles” I felt my heart skip a beat. If her intention was to scare… it worked.  _ That darkness. I saw that darkness in Xishan _ .  _ I saw what came from it. Polar nights and invisible raiders powered by a full moon. _

She’d gone on to another sermon. “Those of us who have kowtowed to Agni will be granted His inner flame!” Then the thousands-strong force of Makapuans chanted “Agni! Protect us!” and kowtowed as a mass. She motioned both her palms at the ground, making the force quiet when they next saw her. “Many among us have recently discovered the light of Agni! Fear not, a convert today, a convert yesterday, and a convert from birth are all equal in the eyes of Agni! All may carry His inner flame! Those born with the ability to wield His flame feel the warmth in their chests.” And  _ now _ she looked towards the Colonial village. 

The Colonials that hadn’t yet shut their doors and shutters, the ones that went out for early morning jogs or strolls, they went back inside and closed their doors. I didn’t question that she might’ve missed them for even a moment. Or that she didn’t hear one such door slam what felt loud enough to be heard all the way from the capital. She saw without looking, and whether or not they impacted her sermon was to be seen. 

She gave a closing remark. “There are many among us who listen but have not heard. Their time will come.” The followers kowtowed and praised Agni, “Protect us!”, the Empress, “Protect Her Imperial Majesty!”, and “Agni’s Champion!” and I had seen enough from a distance. I mounted up to ride back down to camp. 

We left in what felt like very little time later. We went southeast, earning the dawn rays if only intermittently as the Sun tried to find its way through the endless rolling hills and true canopies. The skies were cloudy out to the southwest. The mere  _ presence  _ of clouds scared some of the Imperial Guard and if it scared them, who knows how many Makapuans it frightened. Fujiko and all her fur rags raised her hands up and announced loudly “Fear not! Agni and Her Imperial Majesty will protect us as long as we follow what is true!” Because of where she was -near the front of the column- most of her followers didn’t hear us. And the ones this close to me weren’t the Makapuan type. For now, they were as they were trained to be, polite.

Going southeast on the road brought us into association with many, many, farmsteads. Every two to five  _ fen _ , I’d be passing a barn and accompanying house. The barns were each the size of two or three of their associated farmhouses. And this is counting that each farmhouse was two or three stories with a sloped roof. The houses were often adorned with little adjustments, like an expanded bottom floor, a balcony in place of a regular window, the third story addition, a third story addition with a steep pitched roof that made a fourth story loft, or the barns having house-like rooms attached to the sides. This level of expensive construction was rarely as consistent in the Empire. 

Taishi asked one of the Colonial scouts who stayed near us to act as a relay and guide “How are these farmers able to afford these structures?”  _ Because they’re Colonials _ .  _ Colonials are community people. _ The guide explained it, albeit someone vaguely, as “Up here, the communities work on building structures together.” Zhu joined the conversation adding “So it’s like the rural Empire.” The rest of us normal people looked at him. Looks were enough to get him to continue. “Earthbenders work on building houses together. Right?” and he looked at  _ me _ . “What, do you want me to ordain what is law?”  _ That… is kind of my job, though.  _ “I thought maybe you’d have some experience to share,” he said while looking at me a bit… wary.  _ You conveyed it terribly.  _ I did have experience, just not what he was thinking of. 

So I stated what I knew. “What I’ve seen in the Colonies previously is that rural Colonials come together from all around to help people build houses, barns and anything else they’d need.” I looked at the female guide. “That about right?” She let a thin smile out. “That sums it up well, Your Majesty.” “The Empire just…”  _ how do I phrase it? _ , “...they’re also communal, but this is a  _ different  _ kind of communal. The Empire’s villages are persistent and last forever. These are new. The new…”  _ how do I say it _ , “...settlers… wanted to grab as much land as they could for their farms.” The guide didn’t add anything, but her simple nod conveyed to my bodyguards that she agreed. 

I didn’t want to talk about settlers and land because while all of this  _ is  _ Imperial land, and one day we’re going to annex it to be fully into the fold… well…. I have nothing against the Colonials personally, I lived with them for months and learned their ways, and even then…. All it should take for most of the people riding with us is to see that we’re in the middle of nowhere... riding down a paved road, passing villages with schools and libraries and things like standardized almanacs. In other words, the Colonials, while, yes, they did invade us and take over the land, they also brought modern civilization to this land. 

There’s always been a case to get the Colonials to integrate with the Earth-peoples, but I propose something different. Just as we’ve taken their technology and elements of their culture and their industrialization,  _ what if we try to integrate the Earth-people into the Colonial mindset? _ It’d be a near-impossible task, sure, but  _ what about the ruling class? _ Just slap some green on these people,  _ they already proudly serve the Empress, so no need for that _ , and suddenly I have a elite population of hardworking  _ literate _ capable people who can earthbend  _ and firebend _ and, unlike the Earth-people that inherited plots of land, had to go into the untamed wilderness and slice something out for themselves.  _ Why not? They’d be the peasant officials I was searching for. _

All in all, though, this would have to wait until later. I can bring my planned changes up after the conflict is over. 

Often, especially as the Sun rose higher and people took to the fields or woods, we’d encounter passerbys. This wasn’t the Makapuan Mountains where we’d  _ see  _ someone if we were fortunate. Men and women were out in the fields near their houses tending to the crops they raised. The heralds and scout foretold of our,  _ my _ , arrival. The men and women would drop what they were doing and run up to the fences on either side of the road to watch me pass. When I did, the men clad in their farmer’s robes or tunics would cheer and bow in peasant-to-royalty bow and the women clad in their dresses bowed gracefully. Both the hands of men and women were usually callused from years of hard work. Everyone had their hair in topknots with a variety of ties or metals used to hold them together. They cried “Ten Thousand Years!”, “Go get those rebels!”, “Show New Taku some  _ Imperial  _ Justice!” and sometimes just “To the war’s end!”. Some of their women blushed at seeing some of our gilded Imperial Guards. The fathers and mothers were sometimes joined by sons and daughters.

Some faces and people I remember, with no affiliation between them: A boy shorter than the fencepost, a young woman old enough to be an attendant to a Magistrate or Mayor or Village Head, a son with a neck tanned from a few years of being outside, a girl grabbing her mother’s dress and hiding behind it from all the clattering of the ostrich horses, a young man with a  _ dao  _ scabbard dangling off his waist, a young woman who earthbent a platform for her little sister to use, a young man with a blade scar right down the middle of his left palm, among others. 

As morning grew late, I learned that we had received some  _ forty  _ new volunteers and a similar number of camp followers. Why? As the Colonial guides told me, “We don’t want New Taku to come after us and kill us. Your Majesty’s army is a way to get back at them for all their raids.”  _ Raids?  _ “Raids?” I asked the obvious.  _ Of course there would be raids _ . “Yes, Your Majesty.” the woman took a deep breath. “New Taku contracted mercenaries to go out into the lowlands to the east of its ‘borders’ and… burn.” The way she said ‘burn’ gave me this unsettling chill. 

“How… long… have they been doing this?”  _ How long have I failed you all?  _ “Since they declared secession, asked other villages and towns to join, and they refused.” That chill turned to a shiver that went down my spine. “This started on the eve of midsummer?” and I had to catch my breath.  _ Deep breath. Inhale, exhale _ . “Yes, Your Majesty.”  _ They’ve… for… months. A month. Two.  _

I raised my hand. The column stopped. I turned my head to the right and towards Taishi, Guiren and Fengji. “We march at double pace.” The latter two had ‘what’ for facial expressions. Taishi spoke for them “What…  _ how _ ?” I lowered my hand and pointed forward. “How. We do it. We march at double pace.  _ We march at double pace _ . New Taku attacked  _ Imperial  _ lands, and we’re going to  _ Imperially _ get back at them before they can burn more.” I looked at this guide and asked “Why haven’t any of the village heads mentioned this?” “They haven’t come this far since the beginning, and in the beginning, we bound together and repelled them, Your Majesty.”  _ So nobody here is currently suffering from it, I… I see…  _ And yet...

This chill wasn’t going to go away until I got my vengeance. “I failed them.” I muttered to myself as our force marched twice as fast as before. “I failed them.” I looked ahead. The Sun was high enough to shine through the canopy. “I failed my citizens.” I looked ahead. Towards the south. Towards where we were going. _We’d go south, then west. West and over. West and down._ “I failed them”, I said as I looked out from this rolling meadow ridge and at the other rolling ranges. “I _wanted_ to go west. I _wanted_ to go west and get there as fast as possible,” and I clenched my fist.

_ And we were held up by campaign musters that did nothing _ . I looked at my companions and realized that I couldn’t have  _ this _ … regret…  _ now _ .  _ Here _ . I would save it for later. My companions knew well enough to not bother me. I reclaimed my standing by saying “I wanted to go west quickly. We’ll get our revenge soon.” Then I looked up at the Sun.  _ We’ll get our revenge soon _ .  _ Agni, please, I could use your help. Or… guidance _ .

Jiuyou-cun was a village built at the intersection of our northwest-southwest road and a side road that ran north-south with the northern terminus being here. The inn was built at the junction itself, the rest of the community cropped up around it. Next to the inn, a house dedicated to Agni. Just down the road, a place where lumbermen were turning wood into planks.  _ This  _ little village had a truck. This was also the first time I encountered traffic. A truck was driving up the road towards us to deliver food to the Jiuyoucun Farmer’s Market, with another truck going the opposite direction, carrying lumber towards… somewhere else. I didn’t ask, I was too busy being amazed at the presence of vehicles and… commerce… and  _ trucks.  _

The Village Headwoman, Suzume offered us another ten volunteers. I accepted and we marched on. 

Forest, farmland, forest, farmland. More farmhouses. More barns. Lots of shrines,  _ not just shrines,  _ entire houses, to Agni. “False shrines” the Sage professed. The men who weren’t able to maintain politeness into perpetuity,  _ so, all of them _ , groaned. They groaned every time she repeated that “This is a false shrine to Agni.” The Sun rotated in the sky. There was less forest as we went south. We’d spend ten  _ fen  _ at a time going through woods, then fifteen crossing cut-away farmland, then another ten of forest, then on and on. 

The Colonials came here and the Colonials cultivated the land to their bidding. They chopped an endless forest into a thousand groves so that a thousand five hundred families would get individual farm plots. The Colonials are the only people who can do that, more credit to them for doing it. 

Somewhere in the distance to the left, a woman who I would guess was the wife was firebending raw meat. She accomplished more in the short amount of time I saw her than a block of wood could in much longer. This reminded me that the Colonies are the  _ only  _ people who can do what these people are doing. They don’t just cultivate, they’re the masters of the terrain. Earthbent additions to houses. Firebending for a multitude of tasks from blacksmithing to cooking to stopping blood loss. 

Yes, the Makapuan Mountains and the Makapuans themselves are a mix of earth and firebenders. Yes, they  _ also  _ had stone houses up there. The difference was the Makapuans were and are walking around in ragged furs made from whatever they could put together and the Colonials are dressed in finely sewn clothes imported from the coast or made in their own homes. Even if they were ‘put together’, the Colonials carry themselves with a kind of dignity that would make most nobles from Ba Sing Se blush.  _ A peasant, yet in nearly spotless clothing with a topknot.  _ Makapuan topknots are… much more ragged, by comparison.

The Sun was halfway up the western sky,  _ noon is ‘two-thirds up’ according to the Imperial Guards _ , when we reached Jiedeng. Or rather, one of the signs. See, like previous communities, this one was built on the crosspoint of this main road and a road  _ with road markings.  _ Yes, really. We went down this - as I said to my men, “It feels as wide as the Central Axis Road!” - large road. My men, the ones from Ba Sing Se,  _ the Imperial Guards _ , laughed at that remark.

It wasn’t just some road. It was a roadway. “Is this going to be the road that leads to New Taku?” I asked my guides. “No, Your Majesty. This just leads to two large towns.” I sighed and held my breath. If  _ this  _ was the road I’d get to take going southwest then...well...it's still a  _ roadway _ . Roadways are wide and even better maintained. Though, though, a man with a few options on the table can only choose among them. 

Jiedeng was so large for a village that it had its own map on a large stone wall in the middle of town. And by middle I mean next to a carriage rest-stop with stables. The map showed nineteen -maybe more, didn’t count beyond then- side roads that connected to the village. These weren’t anything significant, they were roads with houses and farmland on them. It’s more so the fact that this  _ village  _ had so many houses and that the land we were on was flat -enough- to support this that amazed me. Amazed in the best possible way. 

I told the Village Headman, “I’m proud of your village’s size” with no context whatsoever. I just rode up to him,  _ I guessed it was the man wearing court attire,  _ and told him that. He bowed formally and was “beyond honored at Your Majesty’s compliment.” In a bit of a break from my Emperor character, I pointed at that map and excitedly said “You have all these roads! And houses! So many! It’s great!”. The Headman, introduced himself as Shoichi, took this excitement the best possible way and almost fainted from all of it. One of his attendants brought him a cup of water to help him. And some kind of gummy snack. I don’t know why that worked so well, but it did. 

Then he asked if we’d like to stay the night here. I looked at the village map again, saw the borders on it, and was reminded of borders.  _ Borders. Raiders. Borders.  _ “No, but it is appreciated.” He bowed to me and offered if I wanted a platoon of his garrison. I accepted them, as they were soldiers and therefore were of some actual use, not just mere militia, and we carried on. 

A little down the road, still in Jiedeng, we crossed a bowyer’s shop. He had bows hanging out on racks.  _ Bowyer’s shop.  _ Judging by how some racks were empty, I could guess that he had customers. I didn’t care to ask, the Sun would be setting at some point and I wanted to get as far south as possible. That being said, I still enjoyed looking at the bow shop. It’s not that the Mountains didn’t have this, they did, it’s just…  _ it’s so nice and neat with a little symbol of some oats emblazoned onto the pillar holding the outdoor section of the shop up _ . Yes, oats. 

The next  _ geng  _ heavily lent on us being back in the forests. This time, some hunting cabins were to be seen along the path. When we did exit into farmland, it was hard to see past the closest plot. The farmers had laid -or, judging by how they modified the land, the word might be spared- a line two or three trees wide to designated whose plots belonged to whom. Genius tactic, as it takes no effort on their part to  _ not  _ plant any trees, it keeps an element of natural beauty, and it helps to distinguish whose wheat belonged to whom.

At one point, we came across a farmhouse that had a row of reddish spruce forming it’s wall. This… farmer. This one farmer. Out in what a map would call a blank area as it lacked any towns for some distance in either direction. This one farmer. He or she obtained and planted a row of these trees. “Where did they get them?” I asked the guide, pointing at the trees. “They probably bought the seedlings in a large town, Your Majesty.”  _ Wait.  _ I asked “They have those here?” in a shocked tone. “Yes, Your Majesty” she replied, neutral and calm. My companions were likewise dumbfounded. Obviously, these trees were many years old, but it was coincidental. 

I spent so long stopping and being slack-jawed at the trees that the farmer himself emerged. His hands were still brown from soil, and his arms were long-tanned by the Sun. He placed his water pitcher on the ground and bowed. “Your Majesty,” he said with the same slightly softer accent most of these Colonials had. “What’s your name, my good farmer?” “My family name’s Hideki-Seiichi-” and he put his palm to his once off-white farmer’s tunic that was now brown. Wiping some of the dirt off showed a large piece of heraldry, a stylized conifer shown in bright red. “-and my first name’s Nobu, Your Majesty.” Zhu was the one to whisper to me “Isn’t that the same design as on-” but I cut him off. “Shh,” then increased my voice before Hideki could say anything.  __ “By any chance, did your family choose to plant the red spruce in honor of your house?” “Indeed, Your Majesty” and he bowed.

I recognized the ‘simplified’ style design, it’s a popular choice for the Fire Nation  _ kamon _ , and while I haven’t seen hundreds of simple tree designs, I know it’s simple enough to be a common one. Thus, I opted to ask “So how do you distinguish your  _ mon  _ from all the other simple tree ones?” “We’re the only ones to live this far northeast, Your Majesty. At least in this part o’ the land.”  _ Makes some sense _ . It was then that I went back to what Zhu was talking about earlier, and pulled my ring off while waving him over to look at it. 

He suddenly bowed in shock. “I… I’ll… I’ll change my  _ mon _ , Your-” but I raised my hand and interrupted him. “Forget it!” and I tried not to laugh. “I’m just showing you it so you see that, of all the designs I would’ve wanted to wear, I picked the tree  _ mon  _ because it spoke to me best. Or-” I coughed, “-rather, my Empress was the one to strike it into the ring. And-” I twirled it around in my hand, “-judging by the designs, I’d guess that it was made in the Colonies.”  _ I mean I know it was, I was just having fun saying it _ . “Your Majesty, I’m honored to bear the same  _ mon _ .” I smiled and head-bowed to him. “And I’m honored to have you as my honorary kin. But I must be off.”

After wishing the farmer well and demanding he keep his  _ mon _ forever, I rode off onwards. As for Zhu? “Zhu, just because you see me naked doesn’t mean you have to point these things out.” “Well… anyone could see the ring,” he replied, logically.  _ I… yeah I guess.  _ “Still, you’re the one handling my jewels-” but I cut myself off with a very deliberate cough. 

For many  _ fen  _ before we got to the next village, the number of farmhouses and thin one-carriage-wide roads increased in number and amount seen per few  _ fen _ . First, we saw one road in ten  _ fen _ . Then we saw a cluster of houses and a cider,  _ cider, yes cider _ , mill in five  _ fen _ . After, back to five  _ fen  _ of farmland. Then three roads with four houses on each in the next four  _ fen _ . Followed by nine cabins in ten  _ fen _ . Finally, we reached the village itself.

Yingtaogang was built at the crossroads of our four-carriage-wide road and a two-carriage-wide road. The smaller of the two had thin paths connecting to it to the north and south of us and led to houses. Yingtaogang was founded back during the mid Azulon era. It had a messenger post, no Agni Shrine, it’s Village Hall was a two story house, but it made up for it in the number of houses. Earlier, I mentioned trees delineating boundaries on property. Here, there was a line of trees every two hundred Consort’s feet. These houses had tiny farming plots in their backyards. 

“There’s no way these are their sources of food” I declared to the newest guide, courtesy the Yingtaogang Headman, Ichirou, as we strolled through. “Yingtaogang’s farmland is outside of the town. The people here rise and take their ostrich horses off to the fields beyond the woods to our west, Your Majesty.” That explained all the small trails cutting through the woods. “They also work in the cider mill, Your Majesty.” one of the other guides informed me. While this seemed and definitely  _ was  _ irrelevant, it showed that we neared places where industry was more prevalent. An aside, Ichirou gave us four men and their ostrich horses, and we took them, added them to wherever the center of the column led by our gilded arrowhead was, then moved on. 

Cricket-grasshoppers made their distinct sound as we closed in on the town of Shenshengmu. The Sun had lowered itself to the point that the hills to the east of Shenshengmu were graced with sunlight but we weren’t due to the high amount of trees between us and the large lake to our west. Just before we arrived, a team of four ostrich horse riders came charging towards us. Our men drew their blades involuntarily,  _ we’ve got itchy hands and haven’t cut through anything in awhile _ , only to find that the woman leading the group yelled “Halt!”, the riders came to a halt, and she yelled “Forgive us, Your Majesty!” 

“What for?” I countered. Then I countered my counter with “What are you doing out here?” She pointed at the post.  _ A post. It was a wooden post with a metal cross section at the top and dangling below the metal, a lantern.  _ “We light the lanterns every night and extinguish them every day, Your Majesty!”.  _ Right, right… that… got it _ . “Go on then,-” and I waved her ‘up’ with a stern palm, “-light them.” 

She turned to her riders and, in classic Fire Nation bossy tone, ordered “Light ‘em up!” to which the other three got to work. Two earthbenders and two firebenders including her. The earthbender would slowly, with little noise, raise the firebender up with a wide earth pillar. The firebender would light the lantern. The earthbender would slowly, noiselessly, bring the firebender back down. Then they’d move down the road a hundred Consort’s feet,  _ thanks for the eye-based measurement, Taishi _ , and repeated their act. We went onwards and into the town itself.

Shenshengmu was, without a doubt, a town. A main street filled with stores. A main street four-carriages-wide filled with stores. All of these shops were partly illuminated by lanterns. There were also street lanterns. In order of appearance, we spotted: A brewery the size of a warehouse, a store to produce sugar products, a place to buy canoes and skis, a general store, nothing due to a wide bridge we had to cross, the Shenshengmu Office of Public Works,  _ yes, really _ , a jeweler, a furniture store, a herbalist’s office, a medical office and finally the Town Hall. 

Most of these stores were small in size  _ save the brewery _ . Last and not least, rows of carriage rest stops and stables. All the structures were built along one side of the road since the other was a stone’s throw from a large lake.  _ Large  _ lake. It could make any lake in the Makapuan Mountains embarrassed from its size and scope. The lake wasn’t as thin as the Makapuan ones, but it was as thin as the town was long. The size came from it extending west, and west, and southwest west, and southwest west, and finally out of sight behind the western tree bank.

The Mayor of Shenshengmu, a well-fed tall man with brown eyes and missing the fingerbone on the fifth finger on his right hand, offered us the fields on his  _ school, yes, school,  _ grounds on the eastern side of the town to use as our encampment. I accepted and ordered our force of fifteen thousand to make for the fields the schools used for sports and training purposes. The shaft of the army weaved it’s way down roads a bit too thin for our army but expanded, rapidly, unconditionally and without much hassle, by the Imperial Guards and local earthbenders. 

At the same time, I and some of my officers joined the Mayor in his humble home next to the Town Hall. The Hall was three stories and ornately built with gold trim around the doorways and pennants picked up by the winds. His house was a sloped one story building with the only exquisite feature being the eaves made of a different imported richer kind of wood. They were reddish-black in color and had coins, quote, “My wife personally designed” etched into them. Then, inside the house itself, a large mural sat on one of the walls in the dining room. It was a mural of a lake with sun rays coming from behind the painter’s perspective and landing on the far half of the lake. When I pointed and went “What’s this supposed to be?” in a formal noble-to-noble tone,  _ I miss that tone _ , he replied “This is the Liujiman-Shui, the lake just outside the window, Your Majesty.” So I looked out the window. It was getting dark but twilight illuminated enough for me to tell that “You painted what you’d see if the wall wasn’t here.” This made him smile. “I’m honored but I didn’t create it.” 

Not much later, his wife emerged, a head shorter than he and thinner, to whom he gave her a forehead kiss, she placed the plate of food on the table, then looked  _ up  _ at me and covered her mouth with surprise. That didn’t save the ‘Hm-m mhm Hmmhhhm Mmmhmm’ from escaping her lips. That was followed by her removing her hand from her mouth and saying “It’s His Imperial Majesty!” and me, unceremoniously, nodding in agreement. “That’s me. Yup. I’m me. Hello, you.” Taishi gave me a supportive nudge of “I know you’re a little weary” and he nudged me right onto an informal couch. My officers, or the ten of them that were invited rather, sat down at the table while Taishi, Zhu, Nan and I sat on the couch. Nan took to sitting in my lap.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to walk tomorrow” I remarked, quietly, to Taishi.  _ All this ostrich horse riding _ . “Oh, well wait until marriage night, then, either you or the Empress ‘ll be unable to walk the next day. My money’s on the Empress.” I looked at him like I was going to grab him by the neck and toss him out the window. “Why did you have to say that?” “It’s true.” Acting like a naive young man, I stated “You aren’t married, though, how would you know?” “Nah, I’m not. But a friend of mine was getting married… the alcohol got passed around, and somehow he and I traded places.  _ Welp _ .” and he shrugged like a guilty man who simply didn’t care. “Aren’t you… responsible… for improper deflowering?” the oh so noble Zhu asked, a bit confused. “Listen Juju, I’m just some brothel-maid’s son.” “ _ Juju? _ ” Zhu replied, his voice jumping a few paces in pitch. I raised both my hands and they both stopped. 

After… that… conversation, we took to eating. I only ate after the officers ate, with me insisting that all of us take the same sliced fish meat and rice. During this inopportune time, the Lady of Shenshengmu had some questions for me. First she needed permission to ask and got into a deep peasant-to-royalty bow. I granted her the permission while resisting the urge to chuckle because this was all somewhat funny. Somewhat. 

Then she started asking. “We’ve heard of Your Majesty’s march for many days. Without siege equipment, how will Your Majesty attack the city?” I gestured to Taishi, since he’s the personification of my solution. “We have earthbenders. Elite earthbenders who can fling rocks or dig sapping tunnels as necessary.” She went on with the questions. “What of the fall rains, Your Majesty?” “What of them?” I countered. “Won’t they hinder Your Majesty’s march?” So I looked over at my officers from my new throne, a  _ couch _ . Nobody had anything to say. “I doubt it. Unless these rains pick up, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” 

I gave Nan a neck scratch because “You’ve walked through rain before, haven't you?” and he woofed in happy agreement. “Yes you have” and I tightened and massaged his neck, “you have because you’re the best boy.” The Lady continued in that stiff Fire National tone. “What of the mercenary raiders in the holy hills of Taku-Shengdi, Your Majesty?” All the officers looked at me like this  _ wasn’t  _ news to me. “We’ll hit them in the hills, I s’pose.” Then I looked at the mural and thought of where we were.  _ We need to know where these raiders are or aren’t _ . 

“Are the raiders near us?” The Mayor responded “No, Your Majesty, last my scouts reported in from the crossings, they’re still west of Shengdishi.” I nodded along.  _ Good. Good.  _ Moments later, we were treated to four loud knocks.  _ Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.  _ All eyes and Nan’s ears turned towards the door. The Mayor got up to receive it.

The voice at the door said the following: “Forty three. The campsites are full. Where do we put the refugees?” I called out “Mayor! What refugees?” and the Mayor spun around and fell into a bow. “Forgive me, Your Majesty.” I did the motion for him to rise and he did. I squinted my good eye at him. “What refugees?” “The blacksmiths, Your Majesty.”  _ The blacksmiths.  _ “Last I heard, the city of New Taku was… persecuting them?” I said, trying my best to still sound formal while masking my insecurity about being unsure.

“If by persecute, Your Majesty means execute, then yes.”  _ What? Execute? What?  _ I stuttered. I stuttered and stood up. I was too tired but I did it anyway. I spoke with a strained voice “ _ What do you mean _ ‘execute’?” “The...t he blacksmiths have been seen as allies of the Badgermole Throne, Your Majesty. As such, they have been arrested. There’s...every day…” he staggered from stress, “...there’s new refugees coming in every day.” My good eye went wide with horror.  _ We’re… we’re wasting time here… discussing riding things and riding people and…  _ “Taishi!” 

“Yes?” he felt the intensity of my order and knelt in front of me, ready for my orders. I looked down at him and asked “How far are we from the river?” “Seventy  _ li,  _ Your Majesty” answered Sergeant General Guiren.  _ Seventy…. Seventy…  _ “That’s almost a full day’s march.” The two Sergeant Generals buckled their heads at the same time in agreement.  _ A full day’s march ahead of us. Then almost two day’s march to New Taku _ .

The Mayor helped explain everything for me. “We’re the second town west of the river. Refugees…”  _ now  _ I noticed the tall man’s stressed tone as clear as day. “...refugees come here because we’re safe. We’re far enough away that we’re safe.”  _ But seventy li.  _ “For all we know the blacksmiths are being hunted down to our west! Right!” then I went from confidently concerned to tense, “Right?” and I turned my head slightly. 

The Mayor and Lady looked at one another. The Mayor spoke for the two. “We don’t know, Your Majesty.”  _ They don’t know _ . “If they’re coming here that means the closer towns aren’t safe!” I put my fist and palm together in a fleshy  _ slam  _ noise. “We ride at first light!” As I rose and marched out, I realized I needed some semblance of directions. “Mayor, what’s the nearest crossing?” He bowed peasant-to-royalty. “Shen Dukou. South of Fangjin along the Chenxinren-shui.” “What kind of crossing is it?” “It’s a wrought iron passenger bridge, Your Majesty.”  _ Good. A proper bridge built for troop movement _ . Just before I left, I pointed at the Mayor. “Take some of my Imperial Guard and go build tents for the refugees.” then I looked at Taishi. “Can that be done?” He nodded and, with a very confident fist tighten, “Oh, sure it can.” The Mayor was all grateful and “Thank you, thank you,” but I told him “My reward is your success. So do it right” and left,  _ for real _ , to go to my campsite.

News reached me in the middle of the night. A message from an eel-hound rider. Vice Admiral Zhe Zhuang was about to reach New Taku and was going to begin the naval bombardment once he arrived. He believes I’ll be there within ‘a few days’ based on my previous movements. I wrote back that I’d plan on being there within four. This is because we marched about ninety  _ li  _ on Day Thirteen. We were  _ roughly  _ two hundred and some  _ li  _ from the city of New Taku.  _ Two days, then a day of resting for the siege, then the city will fall.  _ This was what reassured me to fall back asleep.  _ We’ll be there, soon. Oh so soon _ .

Day Fourteen started to the sounds of gongs. I rose from my bed and, first, considered this was an attack. I grabbed my scabbard and tied it on and ran outside. Instead, I found some Imperial Guards standing about on guard duty and… nothing.“Why are they ringing the gongs?” One of the Imperial Guards, the one that knew his math, that Lee person, said “The Mayor said they ring it every morning before sunrise, Your Majesty.” 

I looked at him and his mustache. “Where did you learn this?” The Guard calmly replied “He told us yesterday while we built the tents for those blacksmiths, Your Majesty.” another Guard added “Has Your Majesty forgotten the drum and bell towers?”  _ I mean… you’re actually… yeah no you’re right, I’m just slowly losing my mind to all the Agni stuff _ . I refocused the conversation with “Did you build them?” “We did, Your Majesty.” “Are they sturdy?” “They are, Your Majesty.” I waved my hands about to appear productive. “Get everyone up, we march at dawn!” 

Before that, as always, it’s prayer time. Uzluk hit a duck-goose out of the sky with his bow and arrows, gutted it, and did the anointing blessing for himself. Then the rest of the Xishan offered their prayers to the Great Hunter. Simultaneously, I joined the Imperial Guards and Guiren’s riders in prayer to the Empress and our ancestors. I, as always, prayed to Kyoshi for her wisdom,  _ as I’d never achieve her strength _ . The Colonials who had joined us had their Agni shrine to meditate at, a large shrine in the middle of the town itself. 

And, to nobody’s surprise, the Makapuans reminded us of their presence with their loud chanting of “Agni protect us!” and similar sayings. Fujiko gave her sermon about Water Spirits and new converts and all that, and directed today’s subtle insult towards “Agni’s false shrines are a fake glow, they bear no shadow!”. The Colonials mumbled grumblings, I’m sure a couple were a few  _ fen  _ from an Agni Kai, the Imperials mumbled distaste for the Makapuans tarnishing the peace and quiet, and the locals shut their doors to have no part in this. Had one of these Colonials tried for an Agni Kai, there’d be nothing I could do until it was too late. Thankfully, they kept their mouths shut.

To get to Fangjin, we’d have to go into the forested hill country. No, these weren’t as high as the Makapuan Mountains. Yes, they were still hills. The consolation is that this road, the one east-west road, was a roadway. It turned out it was the same road, just having swung around in a big half-circle, as the roadway that cut through Jiedeng. These thick woods blocked much of the sunlight. 

When I mentioned how we’d come across a house every other  _ fen…  _ yeah. That didn’t apply on this journey. The first ten  _ fen  _ after we left the town only granted us one sight to see: An archery range located off the side of the roadway.  _ Now  _ it made sense why Shenshengmu had so many carriage rest stops and stores. The next ten  _ fen  _ had nothing. The ten  _ fen  _ after that had a single road branch off and it wasn’t paved and according to the scouts, it just led to someone’s house in the woods. The next ten  _ fen _ , nothing. The next ten  _ fen _ were also nothing but woods. Hard to pass mixed woods. Hemlock, oak, maple and some spruces.  _ So many fen of nothing and more nothing _ . At the end of this batch of  _ fen _ , we came upon  _ some _ thing. 

An unnamed village sat at the crossroads of this main roadway and a minor road two-carriages wide that went southeast. We counted eleven houses near the road, one general store and one teahouse that was  _ not  _ an inn, just a teahouse. There was nobody of importance to greet us and the locals just weren’t around. Not all of them were gone, a few heads peeked out of second story shutters, but it looked like everyone was busy. “They’re probably out chopping wood down,” Taishi proposed, probably quite accurate judging by the surroundings. We stopped at the teahouse to let Guiren and Fengji grab a cup each and sure enough, I heard the sounds of falling trees in the distance.  _ Loud crack, then smash _ . Once the two top officers got their refreshments, we moved on.

The next  _ dian  _ had  _ some  _ housing and  _ some  _ civilization. Three roads branched off from ours. Two souths and a north. Supposedly, the road that goes north hides ‘an entire village’ of houses built tucked between trees. The houses we did pass had water dripping off them and landing on pools of moss. One homeowner had a wood fire burning and because of the canopy, the wood smoke just hung around in his part of the woods. It was a good scent, but it was also dangerous. One ember out of place and the entire forest is up in flames. Thankfully, we didn’t have the time for that. Instead, we had to march on.  _ And on, we marched _ .

The next ten  _ fen  _ gave us the sight of a single odd bog. This was  _ the  _ one bog along the road. It felt as out of place as an Air Nomad at a brothel. And yet, it was there with a pair of duck-geese swimming about in the stagnant water. The trees dripped with recent rainfall. Rainfall that was  _ somewhere _ to our west. The next two  _ dian  _ had nothing. After them, with the Sun finally in the phase of mid-morning, we came upon yet another mark of civilization.  _ I know I should be used to how rare they are because of the Mountains, but after a few days of civilization, it’s hard to go back _ . Anyways... 

The crossroads felt out of place. A main road intersecting with a smaller important road? Both paved? “The clustering of houses is down there, Your Majesty” and the Colonial scout we picked up from Shenshengmu pointed southeast down the road. I looked to him and asked “How many houses?” and he replied “A couple dozen, Your Majesty” “Anything else?” I asked while directing the question at myself.  _ We could do with a provisions check _ . “An Agni Shrine and a Shrine to Her Imperial Majesty, Your Majesty.” I bowed my head to this scout. “Thank you” and snapped my reins and rode off. 

As I rode on west, Fujiko inserted herself into this conversation with “They’re false shrines. There is only one shrine and it is the fire. A pure shrine,” and she raised her hands to chant for blessings to be granted to the ‘Champion’ by Toph and Agni. Because Toph is able to give me blessings. This action, “Agni! Grant Agni’s Champion strength!” was enough to upset  _ some  _ people. An Imperial Guard mumbled about how she was ‘leading a bunch of fanatics.’

That was enough. Fujiko’s response? “You will burn for that one day, peasant.” I swiveled my head towards her and stated, calmly, collected, and staring right into her eyes themselves, “You take that back.  _ Now _ .” She went from being divisive to submissive and “As Your Imperial Majesty’s Champion says. Forgive-” but I cut her off. “I don’t want to hear it. Those men  _ may  _ be ‘peasants’, but they are  _ my  _ men. You will refer to them as ‘Guard’ if you choose to refer to them. They earned that.” The Imperial Guards gave quiet ‘Hear hear”s and “Yeah, he’s right”s. Fujiko buckled to my demands and went quiet. She didn’t look happy, but she couldn’t defy her Champion. 

Almost a full  _ geng  _ passed, the Sun rose to being near noon, before we reached another marker of civilization. Another intersection of our road and a side road. This one had a few houses deep in the woods around the junction. The junction as always was in a wide open clearing, probably pre-cleared as part of the infrastructural planning. Unlike previous points, this one was simple and boring. A single general store and three houses on the same side of the street as this. It had the potential to blossom into something further, but for now it felt odd. I wanted to see  _ civilization _ . I wanted to see more villages.  _ I wanted to see the kind of progress I saw the previous day! _

I never guessed we’d spend the next  _ geng  _ and two  _ dian _ in the deep forest. I wasn’t alone, I led an army about… twelve thousand… strong. And the men following me hummed marching songs. Or they discussed their lives back home. Or they discussed their girlfriends. The kind of discussions I might have, if my mind wasn’t generally focused on looking ahead and being on alert at all times.

Fujiko was ever-watchful. Her hazel-bronze eyes didn’t feel like they had the right to be as intimidating as they were. Like another firebender I’ve known, she had this air of certainty about her. Unabashed confidence. Her opponents could call her what they wanted, but she  _ could  _ lightning bend. And the snow  _ did  _ melt. “What’s your backstory?” I once said, thinking far too out loud. “I am one of the Line of rightful Lord Chaejin.” and she gave me a smirk, a self-reassuring smirk. This was followed with a neutral face. “My parents didn’t recognize their potential and lived like idiots, tampering with the fields and forests instead of taking advantage of what they’d always have, blood.”  _ Blood. That’s what it is _ .  _ Of course it is _ .

I looked her over, the Lady of the Bogs knew how to keep her very long hair up, and knew to cover her fire-scarred arms with robes. “I was sold to be a servant to the High Sage of Makapu in trade for gold. I had a knack for bending Agni’s flames, and he saw that. One day, unsure of why, he took my finger, sliced it to the bone, and asked the flames. It was there that he saw my power. My blood. The flames told him who I was, and instead of using me as a noble uses a servant, he trained me. He taught me to bend the cold fire. Agni granted me visions in the fires. Soon enough-” she nodded to me, “-Agni granted me sight. Agni told me of a tall man clad in blue, taller than all others, riding into the mountains. A man who would lead our war against the Water Spirits. He was to lead from the front, and he was going to come through Fanxing-hu. So I took my brothers and sister Sages and went to wait for  _ you  _ to arrive, Your Majesty.” 

How she went from talking about herself to me… I wasn’t able to figure it out. “If this is meant to seduce me, my lady, it will not work.” She took this as some kind of shocking revelation. “I had no such intention, Your Majesty!” “Well… I don’t care. I’ve got an army to lead.” and I refocused on looking ahead. 

Our journey west took us past one visible house anywhere between one every ten  _ fen  _ and one every thirty. The scouts kept telling us there were hidden communities of lumbermen and their wives deep in the woods on either side. But these scouts also said that there were wolf-dogs and wolf-bears and while there might’ve been, they didn’t bother us. No, no, we marched into the early afternoon without rest at my orders,  _ then  _ we started getting bothered.

Rain clouds rolled in. It started as a soft drizzle. The trees were more sensitive to it than I was. They filled with water fast and the trees soon turned to waterfalls. This lasted for some five  _ fen _ . But the skies didn’t clear. No, they got worse. The drizzle became a rain storm. Not much of a bother, the roads were paved and it was mild out. Not warm, not cool. It was neutral enough that the rain was less of a nuisance and more of a pleasure to enjoy. This lasted for ten  _ fen _ . The scouts rode back to me and informed me we were within a  _ dian _ of Fangjin when the rain increased in power. I mean  _ power _ . It started coming down in blankets. Waves. Like the tides. A hard bash of water slapping us in the face followed by a soft drizzle. This cyclical pattern started becoming a nuisance. 

Then the nuisance started raining lightning bolts on us. One vagrant blow struck the lands to our south and that woke us all up. Then the second hit the hill to our north. Then the third hit to our north. Then the fourth. The fifth struck the forest near us and sent some of the ostrich horses into a panic. But… as sudden as the lightning bolts fell upon us, they started trickling into the east, behind us.  _ Boom.  _ We’d hear it. We’d count up from one and every blast was another  _ miao  _ further away. 

The rain had gotten worse and turned from rain to these… pellets. Pellets of ice. Hail. They were pellets that could welt someone if they hit the wrong spot. And it was these pellets that stayed. The lightning left but the ice pellets stayed. The  _ pinged  _ like tiny darts off my armor. They  _ pinged  _ off everyone’s armor. Four, five, six, eight striking me at once. Eight small fingernail sized projectiles bouncing off me at once. I tipped my head forward so they wouldn’t hit me in the head. One pellet found the one part of me that was exposed:  _ my hands _ . One of these little white balls hit me in the knuckle and I reflexively yelled out in pain. 

I don’t remember how we ended up at Fangjin, but we did. It wasn’t even dark out, the sky was light, but the sky was also raining pebble-sized ice pellets. Pebbles may not sound that intimidating and they aren’t painful, but having one strike after another after another after another and strike fast… they stopped being a funny nuisance of ‘you’re being attacked by pebbles’ to ‘the army is under constant assault by a thousand ice projectiles.’ 

I don’t remember falling asleep but I did remember waking up in my tent. It was my tent with my sigil stitched into the interior side of the material. I had Fujiko on one side, my two companions on the other and Nan lying on my legs. “What happened to me?” I asked, looking at Zhu. “You fell asleep.”  _ I fell asleep.  _ “I feel asleep.” I stated it like it was something uncommon.  _ I _ . Falling asleep. 

“Where are we?” Zhu knelt next to me. “Fangjin, up the hill from the banks of the Chenxinren-shui.” Taishi handed me a cup of tea and motioned for me to drink it. “What time is it?” was my first other question. “It’s nighttime,” the Lieutenant replied.  _ Nighttime.  _ “We have to-” I offered a quiet toast to the Empress, “...to Her Imperial Majesty...”, then slurped down the tea, “-we have to march at first light tomorrow.” 

Taishi spoke for the others “We can’t go in this weather.”  _ What?  _ I sat up and handed him the tea. “Snowstorm.”  _ Snow…  _ I instantly swiveled towards Fujiko. “Snowstorm. What do you know about this?” She opened her mouth but she took too long. “You’ve taken too long.” I turned back to Zhu and Taishi. “Snowstorm.  _ Snowstorm.  _ We’ll march at first light. Go to your beds.” The two of them looked at the other, unsure, and accepted. I forgot to add the last part, so I added the last part. “ _ In my tent _ .” All in all, the reports told me, we marched sixty  _ li  _ on Day Fourteen.

I was awoken on Day Fifteen to the news of “Snow. Sheets of it have fallen.” I thought I was dreaming when the attendant told me that. I really thought so. I threw off my cover, left my tent and had one foot submerged in snow up to my shins. I leaned over to examine if this was snow or if I was still dreaming. I scooped a handful up and crushed it to pieces. I felt a snowflake land on my other hand, stood still, and found that it was snowing.  _ It’s snowing. It’s snowing. It’s snowing. It’s snowing and we’re in Fangjin _ ,  _ not the Makapuan Mountains.  _

I turned towards the attendant and asked “Why is it snowing?” She humbly, solemnly, said “I do not know, Your Majesty.” I ran back inside and pulled on my marching clothes. “We’re going to march in this.” “Your… Majesty.” this nameless woman tried to plead. “We’re  _ going  _ to march in this.” “Your…” I walked past her. “Summon Fengji. I need to speak to him.”  _ The snows do not scare me _ .

The Logistician told me, dour in tone, “We have five days' provisions left, Your Majesty.”  _ What?  _ “ _ How? _ ” “We’ve picked up more and more volunteers and people need to eat more in the cold-” I cut him off. “We marched out of the realm of Makapu, did we not?” I think he knew where I was going with this. “Yes… we did, Your Majesty.” I put my hands behind my back. “Good. Then we can march through shin-high drifts.” Not a moment later, I walked over to the map table and examined it. “We’re a hundred and forty  _ li  _ from the rebels. We can make it there within two days.”

We rode southwest. The Chenxinren-shui rebelled against its earthen barriers and flooded the plain across the river from us. The water was white with rapids. These very rapids eroded at the eastern bank. At one point, one of our wagons stepped on soil that was still five  _ fen  _ earlier and went sliding down, down, down, and into the Chenxinren-shui. The men tried to rescue the ostrich horse but I yelled “Stay your hand!” because I knew full well that that river would take and it would not give back… alive. That wagonfall was merely in the first  _ dian  _ of the journey south.

The high hills east of us were clouded in rolling waves of clouds. We were left looking ahead at fog or down and to the left and the thrashing waves. The Colonials say that the fall storms here are harsh but they all agreed that ‘these storms befall us in winter, not at the end of summer.’ If that didn’t lower the men’s spirits then the snowstorm we’d march into would. And it did. The snow started soft and lasted ‘soft’ for all of a few  _ fen _ . 

Soft became harsh in the next  _ dian _ . Harsh became unrelenting. Unrelenting became blinding. Time passed. Fast or slow, it ground on as our mounts grounded down. The Makapuans and their torch hands could only light the way so far. Even their fire blasts would just wither to nothing in such a storm. I regretfully, sadly, angrily, had to declare that “we will camp here.” If we can’t see, we can’t march. And in my mind, I wasn’t going to risk my men’s lives in  _ this _ .

If we can’t march… well I didn’t want to think about what could happen if we couldn’t march. Was it morning when we stopped? Afternoon? Nobody knew for the entire campsite was shrouded in an uncanny misty fog. The snow turned to a howling biting wind and I moved over to sit as close to the fireplace in my tent as I could. I sipped warm water with my companions. One of the Imperial Guards asked if he could drink his chi-enhancing tea. Each of us was carrying a small pouch of chi-enhancing tea leaves. “No. We drink it before battle.”

“Your Majesty, it’s a blizzard.” I looked up at him from my casual sitting knees-brought-up-to-chest position. “Are we waging war against nature itself?” “No...Your Majesty,” the guard replied, feeling guilty of making a mistake. “Then we don’t drink it.” After he left us to go stand guard inside the tent’s entrance, Taishi murmured that “it seems like we are fighting nature.” I took a long breath. “A snowstorm is not an enemy army. A snowstorm is a snowstorm. These snows batter our foes just like how they batter us.” 

The quiet Zhu piped in “But what if they don’t” and Taishi and I turned to look at him. Nan was busy watching the fire. My Lieutenant inquired “What are you on about?” and Zhu retained his quiet melancholy. “What if our foes  _ don’t  _ have this?” I scratched my beard. “Why wouldn’t they? We’ve been fighting snow since halfway up the Makapuan Mountains.” “I mean… what if they don’t? What if this  _ is  _ the work of Spirits?” In other circumstances, I would laugh. This was not those circumstances. Instead I squinted at him. “Then the Spirits are cheaters and lazy.” 

Our discussion was bordered by the Makapuans, somewhere out there in the blizzard, chanting to Agni and the Empress for protection. They chanted and chanted and chanted and chanted and I couldn’t hear myself thinking over their chanting. Uzluk had also joined us for drinks and now he contributed his thoughts. “The Sage, she is like loon-grebe. She wails at dawn. She wails at dusk.” I turned to the large eyebrowed Horn of the Great Hunter. “She wails, but so do her followers.” Zhu slightly changed my point to fit whatever he was talking about. “Her followers are warm and we freeze in our tents.” I sighed. “And? Her prayers are for nothing. She can firebend. Her followers can firebend. We can’t.” Zhu pulled on his short beard. “Would that not be a sign?” I put my fist down on the ground. “No. Her followers have Fire Nation ancestry. We don’t.”

The snow did not relent that night. The cold count was seventy. Seventy fell. None from the Imperial Guard. Fifty-seven of Guiren’s, ten Colonials and three Makapuans. We also lost thirty ostrich horses, all Guiren’s. The snow batteries had caused tree falls and landslides. We lost ten wagons. Six bearing fodder for the ostrich horses, the other four bearing provisions for the men. Mostly preservables like rice. 

The Makapuans had their fire-burnings, the rest of us were digging ditches in blinding snow in the darkness until we could do so no longer, with the earthbenders digging the rest of the way. The snow covered what we dug. The snow was quick to cover the graves, graves that’d rest off the road and in the woods, where they wouldn’t be disturbed. THe large tombstone plaque was buried in snow not long after it was planted. The one victory of all this, if we could call it that, we were halfway from Fangjin and halfway to Shen Dukou. We marched fifteen  _ li _ that day. 

Day Sixteen came and I gathered our men to march once more.  _ Fujiko  _ of all people advised against it. “Your Majesty, Agni must be offered something to protect us first.” Granted, I didn’t take her advice seriously. “I don’t want to hear about sacrifices.” She thus obeyed, disappointed, but obedient nonetheless, and we set off. 

An early victory came in the blinding mist disappearing. Another early victory was seeing the sky. We gathered our supplies and marched south, as I said, “Before the storms return and we get snowbound again.” I said that and yet we  _ were  _ snowbound. We had to trudge through snow that went up to the men’s knees or waists. And the snow didn’t stop, it just calmed down. In no time at all, I had snowflakes painting my one-finger-wide beard white. The little bit of solace we could get in the face of this storm was Taishi breaking all his rules of formality to laugh at the beard. Yes. Really.

It was the little snarks like that that helped us march on. They also distracted us from the portends of worse to come. For any man with two good ears could pick up on the wind slowly increasing. My fur-lined cape bearing the bright bluish-green Imperial Sigil was flapped half over on itself. Our pennants flew at full attention.  _ And we were joking around about which of us has a longer and better looking beard.  _ Our calm manner stopped when the road ahead of us roared in the sounds of horns. The Colonial woman guiding us drew her  _ dadao _ from it’s back scabbard. “War horns, Your Majesty!” she said, quite loud for what was supposed to be a whisper.  _ War horns.  _ “How do you know?” I countered. “They’re  _ our  _ war horns,” she replied, panic flowing from her lips.

I raised my hand and stopped the entire column. “I want scouts there and back now.” the Colonial woman nodded and snapped her reins to turn around and retrieve some of our scouts. “Guiren! I want your men in charging… wedge… formation!” “Yes, Your Majesty!” and he peeled off to do just that. “Taishi, you’re all with me!” “On it” then he started barking orders to my personal guard. “Any weapons?” Zhu asked. “ _ A lance _ .” “Have the Makapuans get back and defend the camp followers!” “Yes, Your Majesty!” from Fujiko. “Fujiko, you’re riding in the vanguard.” She looked like she was going to faint. “I…” “You’re riding in the vanguard. Use your firebending.” “I’d….” then she gave a bit of a creepy smile, _ then again all her smiles were creepy, _ “I’d be honored to, Your Majesty.”

Orders were called down the entire formation. Ahead of us, the horns rang out again. We waited and listened. We waited and listened for five  _ fen  _ until the Colonial guide we had came riding down the road itself yelling “Raiders! They’re attacking the northern part of Shen Dukou!” “Are they mounted or dismounted?” “Mounted.” This, this was the first time in two weeks that others got to see me  _ grin _ . A proper  _ grin _ . One of those ‘I live for this’ grins. If anyone was confused, I’m sure Suki would tell them, if she was here, ‘He’s getting married to the Empress, the only kind of person that can get married to the Empress is someone who lives for fighting’. And, of course, as always, Sukes would be right. I handed the lance back to Zhu. “My  _ shuang-shao jian _ .” He snapped his mount around. 

“Men! Form up!” and I trotted to the center of the formation. The Imperial Guards hollered. I, the Xishaners, my companions, Fujiko herself, and my personal retinue of Imperial  _ Metalbending  _ Guards were the vanguard. Why?  _ Why in the name of my ancestor not?  _ The snow drifts felt like they were nothing beneath the burning desire to participate in a charge of lancers.  _ And they were nothing _ . 

Fujiko called out “Your Majesty, let me anoint the blade with Agni’s blessing!”.

A  _ fen  _ later, she took the oil-stained cloth back, put her hand to the blade, and the blade  _ lit up _ . The shock of seeing it light up made me  _ almost  _ drop it.  _ But… I didn’t _ . Personally, she started a chant of “Agni’s Champion!” while the rest of the men simply hollered and howled in amazement. 

We maintained the flying wedge as wide as the road itself and as long as we needed it to be. Each of us took our preference. When we neared the village grounds enough to spot the mounted raiders prancing about, I took a firm grip on the five-foot blade and raised it.

The flaming five foot  _ jian _ was like a beacon, guiding the rest of us forward.  _ A flaming jian. A flaming jian in the middle of a snowstorm, alight from the oil _ . This spurred men on to a war cry we hadn’t used in weeks. 

“Ten Thousand Years!” from one. “Ten Thousand Years!” from hundreds. 

_ That  _ got the raiders’ attention. You know what else got their attention? The Lady of the Bogs snapping her mount forward, coiling her hands and pulling lightning from her fingertips. Reality flashed white as the bolt was released and we all went temporarily deaf when it  _ crack! boom!  _ collided with the enemy. One absolutely misfortunate man was hit in the midsection somewhere. The deafening cry hurt them more than it hurt us. Between that and the sword  _ on fire _ , their ostrich horses were sent into a panic. And that’s before we even hit them.

_ Slice _ . I had let go of the reins to grab the blade and swung it around to collide with one such raider. It didn’t matter how far away he was, the blade cut a large hole in his torso. And he was one of the ones still on an ostrich horse. And he was one of the ones who didn’t run for it when he saw the man emerging from the darkness with a  _ flaming sword _ .

Most were petrified. They kept those confused petrified looks as our lances embedded themselves in their skulls. Or as my  _ jian  _ decapitated three men in passing. Or when Uzluk, not caring that much for mounts, hopped off his, demounted a raider with an axe, then tore his head off. When he was done drenching himself in the man’s blood, he tossed the head at another raider then lodged his axe in yet  _ another _ . 

I got caught up going south… somewhere, and had Fujiko and a few of my bodyguards following me. Everyone else broke off. During the intense combat, many of the raiders had formed a spear wall to block the roadway. They  _ had  _ formed a spear wall until I and my men stopped. We’re not stupid enough to charge into one. 

You know who was? Fujiko. She barreled forward, allowed her mount to be speared through the neck, and rolled right into a fireblast kick. A fire blast kicked into someone’s face. While his hair and his light armor being blasted with flames, she plunged a fire dagger into one man’s throat, took another as a human shield to be her spear cushion, then kicked him over while spinning around and sending a fire wave in all directions, warding the spear-wielders off. They were so thoroughly distracted by the woman jabbing finger blasts at them, some more inaccurate than others, that they neglected to recall that dozen rest of us were present. 

I like my big  _ jian  _ more than lances. In the case of this one spear-wielder, she tried to stab me, missed, and I could just counter-stab and go right through whatever sorry excuse of chest protection she was wearing. Best of all, instead of losing the lance to the soon-dead-person grabbing it, I can just slice my way out with the simple motion of moving forward. She couldn’t even try grabbing this. It was a  _ flaming sword _ . Once down with her, I rejoined my men. 

The rest of us took to forming a circle around the spear wall that was pointing at the woman continuously spinning around and punching fireballs at people. It’s not that they waited ‘one at a time’ to attack her, it’s that she set everyone who tried to on fire and sometimes took one of them as her own personal shield. These may be raiders but they don’t want to kill their friends. Sadly for them and the years of friendship they’ve accrued, I  _ do  _ want to kill them. And unlike them, I’ve got a giant blade. A giant blade that’s on fire.

Some genius ran in front of my mount and got hit in the face with a full barded strich horse head. His friend got his head cut into two heads by a  _ flaming fire sword _ . Then  _ his  _ friends noticed the ridiculousness and ran out of the circle to join the fun.  _ Slice, slice,  _ I swung the blade over,  _ slice, slice,  _ I swung the blade back to where it was supposed to be,  _ stab _ . Who’d guess a flaming  _ jian  _ is so effective against barely-armor armor? I rounded the circle once more only to find that most of the inhabitants were having their faces split apart by passing  _ dao  _ or  _ dadao  _ strikes or set alight and left to roll around in the snow while they slowly turned from raw human to well cooked human. 

The Lady of the Bogs was also adequate at normal people combat. She pulled a dagger from one man’s boot then repeatedly stabbed him with it until I guess she got tired of it. Once tired of it, she swept more of these flame kicks around,  _ you’d be a really good dancer _ , and, during a three  _ miao  _ pause, coiled a lightning strike and put a bolt right through someone’s face.  _ Ouch. _ After watching their friends get killed, six survivors, that was it, dropped to their knees and begged, pleaded, and groveled for surrender. 

The battle came and went like the rolling storm clouds. I had the raiders dragged to the central clearing in this part of the village. We were only in the northern ‘half’ of Shen Dukou. Houses, some on fire, being put out by the snow, some not, lined clearings going north and south as far as my good eye could see. Our troops took to trying to put the rest of the fires out while Guiren rode up to me to inform me of the casualty count. “None from the Imperial Guard, two dead ten wounded from the riders, Your Majesty.”  _ Really?  _ “Only two? That’s less than I would’ve thought. I’m glad your men hold up to their trials well, Sergeant General.” “Many thanks, Your Majesty.” and he bowed his head. The other gathered officers were also there, waiting for orders. My orders? I pointed westwards. “We encamp east of the bridge.” “But the snow, Your Majesty…” one of the men stated. I looked down at the snow. The battle stained the snow beneath us red. “The snow will be crunched beneath our footfalls.” and I rode away. 

Night fell. The snow picked up. The wind picked up. While dining in my tent, one of my retinue informed me that he caught Makapuans looting the corpses of fallen raiders. “Arrest them.” Within three  _ fen _ , the three individuals were brought before me, their hands bound and heads dipped towards the ground. I didn’t have the patience for this. “Why were you looting the dead men?” “They were dead, Your Majesty” the middle of the three said. “So you admit to this crime?” “They were dead!” The left one insisted, pridefully. “First, proper titles thank you, two, do you know what the punishment for looting is?” The right one was honest enough to speak for her peers “No, we...don’t, Your Majesty.”

I looked at my officers. “You’re going to be arrested and sent back to Fangjin.” The middle one reacted full of surprise “For  _ looting _ ?” and I took a deep breath.  _ I don’t have the patience for this _ . “I hold enemy looters as criminals. If I excused my own side for looting then I am no better than the  _ daofei _ , am I?” The three of them looked to one another in confusion. “Be grateful I don’t take your heads.” The three still had nothing to say. They were surprised. “Toss them in chains, then take them north to the last town.” I nudged my head and the guards dragged them back out into the roaring snowstorm. Was I going to take their heads, eventually? Probably. Probably just a finger.

The howling blizzard didn’t cease. I was awoken in the middle of my sleep by an Imperial Guard informing me that Lady Fujiko wished for an audience.  _ Sure, it’s not like I wanted to sleep.  _ “Let her in.” The woman arrived wearing the same furs she’s always worn. “Your Majesty” she kowtowed to me and bopped the topsoil I walked on. I did the hand-gesture for her to rise. “Why request an audience in the middle of the night?” I backed up to sit down on my blanket. “Your Majesty, I heard about Your Majesty’s choice to imprison the looters. I agree with that punishment.” “And? They’ll be sent north to see their punishments. Perhaps join the Sentinels up in guarding Xishan.” 

She remained sitting on her knees across from me “There was...another option.” “Why did you say that in such a…”  _ no, don’t conclude that statement.  _ “Why did you say it so…  _ passionately _ ?” I chose my words to see how she’d choose hers. “They are condemned to death. We could offer them to stop the snow.”  _ We could offer them to stop the…  _ “No. We’re not burning… wait, aren’t they  _ your  _ followers? Why would you torch your own?” 

The Sage maintained her fervor. “They disobeyed orders from Her Imperial Majesty. They disobeyed Agni’s will.”  _ Right…  _ I tapped my knee. “And I give punishments as appropriate. Perhaps they’ll be condemned to death. Most likely, I’ll have a finger from each and see it done. Each of us must be punished as appropriate for the crime.” She tried to counter this proclamation with “Your Majesty, they disobeyed Her Imperial Majesty.” “They did. It could be argued that in the Imperial Army, even spending a night in a tavern is punishable. Could be argued. Except… there’s no official ruling in either camp and Her Imperial Majesty has never given a verdict because Her Imperial Majesty’s experiences in taverns are far from the norm. Let us say it  _ is  _ punishable. Do I suddenly kill all my men for breaking laws they didn’t know existed? Looting  _ is  _ a law that exists, though.” She nodded in support of that. 

_ I feel the need for a drink.  _ “I don’t do that. I give my men laws. Simple laws. Laws that they’d give one another. Don’t loot. Don’t kill the civilians. Don’t violate any of my ancestor’s ethics. Everyone  _ except  _ your Makapuans seem to understand this.” This only gave her the excuse to circle the discussion back around. 

“Then why not sacrifice the enemy raiders?” _Why not?_ I put my hands on Nan and gave him some scratching. “You’re not kidding.” “They fought against Her Imperial Majesty, did they not?” _I… what? Yes, and…?_ “They _surrendered_. I accepted their surrender. The men we kill are the same as the men I lead. We all bleed. The difference is the men I lead are trained and wear our colors and the raiders fight for their lord or whoever’s paying them. Why should I kill those who’ve dropped their weapons?” “Because they fought against the Empire.” She didn’t get it. 

So I tried to put it into other words. An anecdote, perhaps. “There was a time when General Song, prodigy and legendary commander, was banned from Ba Sing Se because he spoke out against Grand Secretariat Long Feng. And yet, General Song has proven his legitimacy as a commander and he was pardoned for it.” She paid my anecdote no heed. “A hundred men have died tonight, Your Majesty. The snows hunt us in the dark. Two hundred will die tomorrow and after that.” I raised an eyebrow. “A  _ hundred  _ men?” She dipped her head in sadness. “Yes, Your Majesty.” 

_ I… by Kyoshi…  _ “I am going to sleep. I  _ need  _ a drink.” She leaned in close enough that I could feel the firebent-warmth exuded by her every breath. “There are always other options. Better options. Cleaner options, Your Majesty.” At this point, the fatigue hit me. “I don’t want your ‘options’. Pray and maybe Agni will listen to you. I will not wait for the Spirits to come down from on high and intervene. We march at dawn, understood?” She had to obey, and backed out while in a bow. For the record, we marched another seventeen or eighteen  _ li _ .

Day Seventeen came. I awoke to a different smell of burning. Normally the wood fire is kept alight all through the night thanks to the nightfire sentinels,  _ the Makapuans _ , and I’m treated to the wonderful scent of wood smoke. This time, it was the smell of something  _ burnt.  _ Not some _ thing _ . Some _ one.  _ That well-cooked scent always lurked in the back of my mind. It was the scent of roasted charred and scarred flesh. I occasionally think my feet smell of it while practicing stretches because there was a time long ago when they  _ did _ . Even if they don’t, now, my mind will think they do. Just as sometimes I still get this phantom pain haunting my missing right eye. Just as it’s hard to forget that eye, it’s hard to lose the smell of burnt man. 

I came outside to see the ruins of bonfires. Some were still on fire, but just. Some were smoking more than burning. Some were smoldering. Some were long out. I walked around and realized that I was walking on  _ grass _ . Grass. Not snow. I found someone dressed like a Makapuan Sage and called out “What’s going on out here?” The Makapuans fell into their kowtows of “Agni’s Champion!” and those other titles. 

“We sacrificed the bodies of our fallen Makapuan brothers and sisters and of bodies of the dead raiders, Your Majesty.”  _ You sacrificed…  _ “Were they already dead?” I maintained my composure. It was close but I did it. “Yes, Your Majesty. Our brothers and sisters would want to go this way.” Then he turned to his followers. “Isn’t that right?” and the followers chanted agreements. “Agni’s flame is a clean death!” they shouted.  _ Great.  _ It still didn’t make the scent go away. As for those prisoners? “They died in the night, from the cold, Your Majesty”, this Sage told me. I… took a long moment to look around at the trees… and the hills… and the  _ grass _ … then circle around to go back inside. I grabbed my clothes, put them on, and set out. The less my mind had to think of it, the better.

The tiny guard post that held the bridge across the Chenxinren-shui was manned by one old man and a  _ dao  _ from the days of Sozin. Even had a little Fire Nation emblem tucked into the hilt. “Where was your garrison for the battle in the snow yesterday?” was my first question. “We held them here, Your Majesty, but they forded crossings river and passed us by.” I looked to the Colonials for confirmation. Namely the woman who was my tutor on these local lands. “It’s  _ possible _ . There are other crossings. Fifty  _ li  _ south. They’d have to be reinforced.”  _ Reinforced _ . 

I looked ahead of us. A towering line of mountains awaited our ascent and somewhere at the highest point of them, a holy town. I looked down at the elder. “Any news from Shengdishi?” “None, Your Majesty.” I looked at his armor. The shoulder pieces had the nubs where spikes once rested. “How old is this armor, my elder?” “Seventy years and still young, Your Majesty.” This made me draw the conclusion of “You fought in the War?” He nodded. “I did, Your Majesty.”  _ Hmm.  _ “Why is your blade from Sozin’s era?” 

“It was my father and his before him, Your Majesty.” I didn’t respond as the people may expect me to. Instead, I said “Did you kill anyone important?” “Afraid not, Your Majesty. Hunted some King’s men out west.” “How did you end up here?” “By request, Your Majesty. Nothing nicer than a cool morning breeze and a usually trafficked bridge. Usually.”  _ Ha _ . “Any advice on Shengdishi?” “It’s always been full of strange men and stranger animals, Your Majesty.”  _ Well that’s vaguely helpful. And helpfully vague _ . “Thank you, elder.” “Thank you, Your Majesty! Your predecessors would’ve had me killed.” “Ha! My predecessors had bad taste in soldiers.” The man offered the best soldier-to-royalty bow he could and we set out across the Chenxinren-shui. Across this one wrought iron bridge. A nice wide bridge. 

The river was surprisingly calm. Just last night, snow bombarded us like some kind of unforeseen artillery. And yet, come the Sun’s rays rising out of the hills to our east, the ground was but soil and the river was calm. The local Colonials claimed the town we’re walking up to is a ‘land of the bizarre’ and if this is my introduction to it, then yes, I concur. The guides promise “Your Majesty has never seen a town as odd.” 

This wouldn’t be a ride with Lady Fujiko without said woman declaring that this was the product of her mass burning to Agni and the Empress, of course. She declared it proudly and the men I was riding with held their tongues. Their eyes weren’t as held back. Did she obtain her sacred holy blood? If so, from who? Did these fires really do anything? Or was this all just weather, a byproduct of coincidentally unfortunate circumstance? An early winter in mountains prone to oddities of weather. Is that  _ really  _ the most absurd thing I’ve ever seen?  _ Yes and no.  _

The Shengdishi Desert is this section of land between the Chenxinren-shui and the holy town. It’s a barren scar amidst a sea of trees. No life, no plants, just rocks and soil. We had to climb up a winding road weaving its way through this odd climate to get to the town. This winding road was perilous enough as is. One wagon made the wrong turn and vanished off a cliff side. A few Makapuans fell with her into deep ravines where they’ll never be recovered. The lack of trees felt apparent. Everything  _ felt  _ warmer. Fujiko claimed it was the Spirits desertifying land. “Shengdishi is a cursed city, a land of false idols.” 

We passed by a few travellers. Some were silent. Some were dressed like Colonials and some wore monk robes. We also came upon some fleeing blacksmiths as the Sun started falling behind the peaks above us. A small column of them. Us two groups met on a plateau. These blacksmiths broke into a mass of cheers upon seeing me and “the relieving force!” as one vocal young man said. I looked for their ‘leader’ and found a woman pointing directions. So I asked her “What is the state of New Taku?” “We’re fleeing from it. It’s been blockaded. The garrison… they’re levying...” but a different woman finished for her, “...everyone… from children to old men… everyone’s getting spears and crossbows… and…” but she couldn’t finish. 

There was no heroic speech from me. “We will end this war, my ladies and my sirs. We march against New Taku. Until victory or until death.” They cheered nonetheless. I had a couple dozen men escort them “To Fangjin, then return to us,” and Guiren nodded, dispatching some of his best riders, earthbenders at that, to help them.

We finally reached where we’d stake our camps in the dusk. The side of a mountain range. 

We set camp two day’s ride from New Taku. We had a hundred and thirty  _ li  _ to go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we march through a holy city, where people drive terribly.
> 
> -All placenames in this chapter are based on a region's placenames. Not the same region as the Makapuan Mountains, but a few hundred kilometers/a hundred miles to the south. The names are me taking the real place's name, translating it to English (if it's not-English, e.x. a Native American language), then translating it to Mandarin.  
> -These Colonies draw lots of inspiration from a variety of Colonial eras from US history with pre-revolutionary America being the strongest inspiration.  
> -There are lots of little details that separate the Colonial frontier/hinterland from the Makapuan Mountains. I'll just use Tianna-gongji as an example:  
> -A town, a real town.  
> -More than one general store, more than two blacksmiths, more than two tailors, restaurants  
> -Large roads  
> -Paved roads  
> -A large stable instead of a small one, or mere covered pens  
> -A school  
> -Other details include an abundance of villages, a higher amount of stores, the presence of libraries, etc.  
> -While Almanacs have always existed, the idea of an Almanac doubling as a magazine containing topics on more than just farming/celestial predictions (e.x. sports, wives' tales, guides) is based on Colonial America.   
> -Almanacs used for inspiration: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poor_Richard%27s_Almanack and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Farmer%27s_Almanac   
> -OFA website: https://www.almanac.com/  
> -Almanacs in this universe take the place of magazines in ours, and yes, royal worship is quite common in our world as well.  
> -The concept of a community getting together to build a house/barn is based on Barn-Raising, something common in the rural US and UK: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barn_raising  
> -Mori is not the only person in favor of the Empire integrating into the Colonies, but he's the only person who's voicing it right now. We will see more of this ideology in future, and we will have to see where it leads.  
> -All roadways and even the store placements are based on real locations, too.  
> -Chaejin is the very same as the one from Shadow of Kyoshi  
> -Mori's flaming sword is not the most effective weapon in the real world, but it doesn't matter with a 5.5 foot (or ~1.65 meter) sword.


	99. The Holy Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emperor marches through a town of nonbelievers and finally approaches the City of New Taku.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Five:

I awoke on the finest…  _ wait, wait, wait, wait, this isn’t right _ . I didn’t awake on the finest furs or the best sheets. I awoke to the sounds of wolf-dogs barking, and I don’t mean good boy Nan. My campsite was located on the side of a ridge. Really. A ridgeline that looked like a splayed palm from the maps. Each ‘finger’ was pointed south and the ‘thumb’ pointed east. I camped on the northern side of the ‘thumb,’ a hundred and fifty feet down from the ridgetop and a few hundred above the valley floor. Just to my west, the ‘knuckle’ of the ridge blocked out any western views from the tent-site itself. 

My tent was built on a small clearing made amidst all this brush and bramble. Most of my fellow soldiers were encamped to my east, down a soft slope of the mountain I was camping on. This sounds like a routine campsite. Not the most strategic position but a highpoint, right? Not the best of terrain but we can’t all get what we want. Little did I know, as I rose in the predawn  _ dian _ , I learned that this place was far from routine.

Across the valley from me and to my northwest, ten different tall spires, fifty small ones and a retaining wall formed  _ the  _ holy site. If not the centerpoint then one of the most important sites for spiritual worshippers from a thousand different beliefs and five thousand different cultures. Each spire was built in the designs of its believers. Wait, did I say believers? No. I mean they were built in the style of it’s  _ conquerors _ . Believers don’t build much of anything.

For while Taku was once the commercial center of the Four Nations, Shengdishi was one of it’s spiritual centers. And Shengdishi has -claimed- a record: The most number of sieges, the most number of sacks, the most looting, the most warfare, the most rebellions, the most bloodshed. Or… that’s what the Colonial guides said. “The locals here think they’re the center of it all. They think nobody else anywhere has been sacked as many times as them.” 

To this, I looked up at the woman resting on her wolf-boar spear and said “This is a barren mountaintop in the middle of nowhere.” The Colonial young woman laughed heartily. “Your Majesty is correct. These barren peaks lack any of the splendour of Ba Sing Se or the natural wonder of the Fire Islands’ volcanoes or the Earth Islands’ midnight days. They make up for it in their own importance, though.” Her voice carried a certain… certainty to it. 

“Have they really been conquered a hundred times?”  _ as the Archives would suggest _ . “Yes, but as Your Majesty pointed out, this is just a mountaintop somewhere. Most of what is now the Colonies was conquered dozens of times.” I corrected her. “Most of  _ everything  _ was conquered many times over.” She couldn’t refute the claim, as my claim wasn’t wrong. And yet, this Shengdishi  _ had  _ a claim that was unbroken. Past warlords never cared for most mountain tops.  _ Most.  _ This little set of hills and  _ that  _ mountaintop are different.

The wolf-dogs started howling. Nan jumped out of his little fur blanket and howled back at them. They were howling from somewhere up on the ridge. The twilight prevented an accurate idea of  _ where _ , but I still had two ears. “What in the name of Kyoshi?” was all I asked in a mixture of surprise and annoyance. “There are packs of wolf-dogs here. The locals don’t seem to care, Your Majesty.”  _ They don’t seem to… what?  _ I looked up at her. She was serious. “Why don’t they care? Wolf-dogs are dangerous.” Nan woofed a happy little woof to prove how dangerous he was feeling at that moment. 

“The locals who’ve come here on spiritual journeys from across the Nations claim that all that happens here is under the will of the Spirits.” Taishi, also awoken by the howls, gave me a look of ‘really?’ which just proved that he, too, was confused. After everything I’ve seen with my own one good eye, I felt like some explanation was due. “I need an example for that.” The Colonial woman took a deep breath. “The locals claim that the water defies the rivers and runs along the mountaintops instead, Your Majesty.” 

I looked at her face. I looked at it again. She was serious. “The water defies valleys? How?” “I do not know, Your Majesty. The locals are mostly nonbenders.”  _ What… how?  _ “So they just think the Spirits… why would… why would the Spirits defy rivers?” Taishi, ever the pragmatist, added in “Because they’re Spirits. If you could do whatever you wanted, wouldn’t you?” To this, I heel-turned towards him and almost sprained my ankle on this awful terrain. “Taishi, remember who we fight for. Someone who  _ can  _ do whatever she wants. Her Imperial Majesty. If she dictates that green is now blue and blue is now a tree, green will now be blue and blue will now be a tree.” He cordially nodded. I turned back towards the guide. “The Spirits protect this town?” I glanced towards the spires as if to take in the full breath of ‘this town’. “The locals believe so, Your Majesty.” 

I grabbed my scabbard. “Well, the Spirits don’t command armies or fleets.” 

As three bands of twilight became wide with the ever-approaching dawn, the holy Shengdishi began what was, so far, the most bizarre ritual yet. A far-from-holy chant emanated like the shockwave emanating after a truck-sized shell hit somewhere in Caldera. This chant was not one single group, nor was it a single hymn. “Why does it sound like ten different people trying to out-sing each other?” the half-asleep Zhu asked, being half-asleep. “Because there are ten different people, each belonging to a different spirituality. They’re all praying.” 

Instead of spinning towards the guide, I climbed up the hill above her so I could look down at her. Then, and after that, I allowed my emotional reaction to come forth. “ _ Praying _ ? They’re competing in  _ prayer _ ?” I didn’t sound as shocked as I intended. The guide turned around. “Yes, Your Majesty. Each one has different Spirits to pray to. Different rituals to practice. Different beliefs. Different-” but she was cut off by the holy town’s loud singing of prayers. Taishi, not being that formal, offered the following: “For ten different groups, all their prayers sound the same.” The other Imperial Guards, also not that formal, also half awake, cheered in agreement. Lots of “Yeah!”s and “Taishi’s right!”s. 

Not one to be outdone, the copious amount of Makapuans present had to start a chant-off with the town. Led by their firebending Sage Fujiko, they prayed to Agni to protect them and Her Imperial Majesty to grant us, namely a certain Champion of Agni, strength and also “For lightning bolts to fall upon New Taku like rain droplets in a storm.”  _ That  _ was new. The Makapuans chanted as one, “Agni! Protect us!” and “Your Imperial Majesty! Protect us!” and the rest of those phrases that were starting to wear  _ annoying  _ on my ears. 

At the same time, the Xishaners got on their knees and prayed to the Great Hunter. A warband of men clothed in furs meant for the far northern forests now standing in the middle of a strange barren warm early-fall morning. Praying. Uzluk didn’t have any loon-grebes to gut since the nearest lake is beyond our sight range and the nearest lake with  _ snow  _ on its perimeter is hundreds of  _ li  _ to our northeast. At best. Because the Empire is big, all four thousand of us who came from Ba Sing Se offered our prayers to a multitude of Spirits of our own. Our ancestors, mostly. I, quietly, offered my regards to my supreme ancestor to imbue her wisdom on what to do and offered my well-wishes to my Empress.

For what all of this lacked in everything, it made up for it in a view. The red ball of the Sun slowly rose from behind a wall of peaks, the very same wall of peaks we walked through to cross the river and ascend here. It felt like it took longer than usual. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe it’s because I was watching how the shadows went from not present to horizontal and faintly reddish to horizontal and orange. The shadow I used was from a railing that had been built so  _ some  _ of us wouldn’t accidentally tumble off the side of the mountain if we walked around. 

An aside, all of the prayer groups made their chants extra-loud when the tip of the Sun appeared. Using the exact rise of the Sun as a time for loud praying isn’t anything new, but all the different groups doing it at the same time is absurdly odd. Taishi, not as focused on watching a railing as I, pointed at the town and asked “Is it just me, or is it really difficult to discern what they’re saying?” I stood up and tried to hone in on their calls. I spent a  _ fen  _ trying to focus.  _ Nope. Can’t do it _ . “It’s all inaudible.” Zhu, now having had a cup of tea -thank you, Colonials who can firebend- thought to add “If we can’t hear it, it probably means the Spirits can’t hear it.” This gave the three of us an excuse to crack up as a group. Taishi laughed, I tried not to laugh, and Zhu had his ‘formal’ laughter which was comprised of cupping his mouth. We laughed and laughed until I remembered that  _ it’s past dawn, meaning we’d best move out _ . 

Just as I was strapping myself into my Imperial Armor and sliding the betrothal thumb ring on, the scouts returned on their montane ostrich horses. “The wolf-dog pack was five strong and inhabited the top of the ridgeline about two  _ li  _ over from the camp, Your Majesty.” “Was?” I said while belting on the scabbard. “They were a problem.” Taishi drew the conclusions for me. “I take it they’re no longer a problem.” The woman and her red-tipped wolf-boar spear nodded. 

“Good. What’s our fastest way to the coast?” “West by northwest through the new town of Shengdishi, then down the thoroughfare to the coast, Your Majesty.” “Very good.” I replied, then turned to my men. “Mount up, I want to be in the foothills by dusk.” Lots of “Yes, Your Majesty!”s ensued. I gave this campsite a final look. 

A peculiar little location on the edge of the easternmost ‘high’ ridge with no life to its east and… well, I was about to find out what was to its west. A location with wild wolf-dogs because the locals didn’t care enough to make them stop being a problem. A location where my ears would bleed from all the chanting.  _ I’m glad I don’t live here _ .

“Shengdishi’s valleys don’t go anywhere, Your Majesty.” I looked at the guide, then at the trail ahead of me, then at her again. “They’re valleys, shouldn’t they lead to more valleys?” “None of these valleys go west. Shengdishi is built on the spine of the ridge.” I pointed at a hill to the northwest of the town, a hill that was probably a few hundred Consort’s feet taller,  _ not that I can tell, what with one eye _ . “If it’s the spine, why isn’t the town at the highest point?” 

She shrugged. “They decided to build their town where they decided to build it, Your Majesty.”  _ I mean… what kind of logic is that? _ “That’s like saying it rains because it rains.” “Your Majesty, the people of this town and this area are quite… self-fulfilling. May I give an example?” My companions, save Nan, he was looking up at me, were all looking at the guide anxiously. “Go ahead.” She made her voice much more nasal. 

“We’re the best because this is our spiritual site and we hold it.” Taishi trailed along the statement with his finger. “So what you’re trying to say is they’re the best because they hold a mountaintop that makes them the best?” “That’s right, Lieutenant.” I looked at Taishi and Zhu looked at I and we all had this similar expression of ‘where are we riding into?’. “Right…” was all I could say. Soon enough, as the Sun rose into the early morning, we’d find out.

“Ey, move out of the way ya slowpokes!” I rotated my head towards the carriage-driver who was  _ right on the tail of our vanguard retinue _ . I waved to my men to let him through. Then he snapped his reins to ride up to my side and say “Take your parade and go somewhere else!” “Excuse me, yes, pardon me” I waved to him and smiled. “Yes, you. Mhm. You. Hey so, you  _ do  _ know who I am, right?” “You’re a person, brother,” the coach replied.  _ Brother?  _ “Excuse me, I am  _ not  _ your sibling and even if I  _ wasn’t  _ who I am-” I stopped to point at my blue armor, “-you do realize insulting the officer of the retinue is not a good idea, right?” 

“I don’t care if you were the Fire Lord, this produce has to get to the market!” The Imperial Guard were not that happy at being cut off by some produce carriage. “We should have him detained,” one of them said. Another, less composed, said “We should just kill him.” The carriage-driver didn’t care. “You’re all a bunch of weirdos if you think I’m rude.” Then he flew off into the west in a frenzy. And this, all of this was just on the roadway going west along the ‘splayed hand’ ridgeline.  _ It was only the beginning _ .

“The new town’s spread out wider than the Lady of the Bogs was last night with Shuo!” some Imperial Guard gave a possibly accurate statement. Judging by Guard Shuo responding with “Hey!” I’d bet it’s accurate. Eitherway, I had a question. “I thought you said the new town was small?” The guide replied “It is small.” 

We were riding towards this new town as the road we took descended from the ‘splayed hand’ ridge and towards a main street of some kind. “That isn’t small.” “Last time I was here, Your Majesty, it only had a thousand houses.”  _ Only?  _ “There’s two hundred houses within my line of sight and  _ I’ve only got one eye! _ ” “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” the Colonial guide said in a plea. “No, no, there’s nothing to forgive. The question is why?” “The answer, Your Majesty, is immigration from elsewhere.”  _ Immigration. Immigration. What in the name of Agni. _ “Immigration? What kind of lunatic wants to live on top of a mountain range?” 

We came to a halt at an  _ intersection _ . Yes. An intersection. We were oriented west. Across the street from us was a slightly thinner road. The road we came to was four carriages wide and ran north-south. And when I say it was four carriages wide I mean it was  _ five  _ carriages wide. Someone who looked like his eyes were closed was dictating traffic. He wasn’t doing a good job. The road could only support four carriages but that didn’t stop one of them to cut around his peer, go onto the sidewalk, then cut in front of his peer. “Left or right my lady?” “Right.North would take us to the old town and the old town had a thoroughfare running down to the coast when I was last here. This road’s new.”  _ Right, right, of course.  _ I ordered my guards to clear the path for us, and followed this woman’s advice.

The carriages were upset that a line of stone pillars were raised in front of their road so nobody could cut their way into the twelve thousand strong gold, green and brown column weaving it’s way down the road. The carriages were so upset… they tried to cut around the earthen columns. The ones that saw where I was going made sharp lefts to descend into side streets only to emerge in front of the vanguard and race off ahead of us. This was something of a personal sport or challenge of theirs. Some were stopped by earth walls, some went far enough that they weren’t stopped by these pillars. Oftentimes, a really intelligent one would try to cut  _ right  _ in front of me, only to get the ostrich horses hewn from the carriage, or get a wheel blasted off by a stone. This wasn’t my doing, but the rightfully annoyed Imperial Guards whose jobs it was was to keep me protecting from random foreigners.

I know as Earth Monarch you’re supposed to treat all people with the same respect. _No, that’s wrong._ As Earth Monarch, you’re supposed to exert how important you are over everyone else until they do your bidding. The Empress and I try to approach most people on friendly terms. Even savages. But _these_ people are something… special. As we slowly crawled northwards, I was personally accosted by twenty seven different carriages and fifty ostrich horse riders. All these people ‘had to get somewhere’. I had even offered them gold to “Let the army pass” but they didn’t accept it. The irony was, I had left the southern direction open. I didn’t have the whole road closed, just everything east of the meridian. It’s not my fault that this ‘town’ has no concept of traffic control. It’s also not my fault that the carriages that shouted for the vanguard -separated from the rest of the army because _thank you Shengdishi_ _carriages_ \- then decided to not obey politeness and try to cut around us. A few of these carriages were so genius they sped down the south-facing road and head-on collided with oncoming traffic for no reason other than… they were looking at us instead of straight ahead. No, I’m serious. The people of this town were like this.

If they weren’t cutting us off in the name of going  _ somewhere _ , they were wandering around like a bunch of drunks. As we rode north and neared the old town and it’s large retaining wall, a small mob of robed individuals could be spotted bumbling along and out of one of the gates. It was then that I looked around and noticed that  _ many  _ of the people on the sidewalks were just… walking around. They didn’t notice the small army walking past. Nor did they notice when carriages rammed into one another and sent the riders flying this way and that. 

“Are they all drunk?” I asked in a very… bored -with a pinch of being annoyed- tone. The guide answered my question while almost everyone else chuckled. “The locals consume locally made substances to help improve their spiritual connections.” “Like chi-enhancing tea?” the  _ yunjiwei _ pondered. The guide looked at my weapon-bearer. “No, other kinds of substances.” Since Zhu’s still got some innocence amongst him, I thought to ask “Cactus-juice?” “Similar to that, yes, Your Majesty.” “So the whole town is on cactus juice,” my Lieutenant offered.  _ Thank you, Taishi.  _ The rest of the Imperial Guards broke their composure to laugh at that. “Some are. Some were. Some will be.” My Lieutenant maintained his joking attitude. “Is  _ that  _ the will of the Spirits as well?” As expected, almost everyone -including I- found that funny enough to laugh at it. Granted I didn’t laugh, I sternly looked forward. But… inside, I was laughing. One person didn’t. 

“They’re all nonbelievers. The whole town. They smell of being nonbelievers.” “Lady Fujiko, you  _ do  _ realize you’re riding through the center of the town, right?” “Your Majesty, all of these people are against the way of Her Imperial Majesty and of Agni. Heretics. They will face Agni’s Champion soon.” “How do you know that?” She pointed at a roof we were passing. There it was, the grey banner with the five stars of New Taku. The five stars for four kinds of benders and nonbenders, or maybe for the Four Nations and... _ this?  _ “Is the flag of New Taku supposed to be based on Shengdishi being the center of spiritual beliefs?” Nobody knew the answer.  _ That makes sense; it's not like you’re all omniscient spymasters _ . “If they’re giving an entire star to  _ this _ , then they’re really insane.” “You think?” “I do.” “That’s good, Taishi. Keep thinking.” “I will.” 

Back to Fujiko, “I don’t want any burnings.” “This is a town of the enemy, Your Majesty.”

I asked “Why haven’t they attacked us?” and directed it towards my men because Fujiko was right. They have the five stars. The guide said “Chances are, Your Majesty, as we haven’t attacked them, they didn’t bother attacking us.” I found this odd. “Why not attack us? We’re riding through flying the Imperial Standard.” Taishi offered “Perhaps the town is part of New Taku but has not mustered men against us?” I countered by asking “Why join New Taku, a city that has denounced the Empire?” The guide explained it for us. “Shengdishi has always acted as a neutral ground for all parties.” “So they don’t attack us and we don’t attack them.” She nodded. “Then why do they and the Archives claim to have been a main source of bloodshed?” “Many who have marched into this town have not been as peaceful, Your Majesty.” 

As we curved northwest towards the thoroughfare, the road we were taking expanded yet further. Previously, we had residential housing on the western side of the street and scattered houses or nothing on the eastern side. After the turn, it was commercial on both sides. Market stalls selling a variety of open-air foods, clothing, pottery, more pieces of pottery, hardware, decorative… stuff… and even Pai Sho boards. The Pai Sho boards all had this inlaid appearance that fooled me the first and the second time. Then I continued down the street and noticed that all the stalls had the same boards. I didn’t need to ask anyone to realize that these seemingly-expensive boards were likely mass-produced. Where? Who knows.  _ The coast? Possibly _ . The best part of this was that the store owners were haggling us. They were trying to sell products to a passing  _ army _ . 

“This board, half-off!” “This robe, ten silver off!” “Free apple!”  _ Singular _ . “Two rugs! Forty! Down from ‘hundred!”  _ Yes, the ‘a’ was missing. _ “Here, have a lemon! You like lemons!” “Two pies for the price of half a pie!” “Spices! Spices! Spices! Spices! Spices! Spices! Spices!”  _ Yes, someone yelled that seven times.  _ “Best whiskey our whiskey! Ten twenty fifty down!” “Ten silver rug! Ten silver rug!” “New dresses, four silver!”  _ The dresses weren’t new, they were being rubbed up against by passing customers.  _ “I’m going out of business! Everything off! Gold is silver, silver is copper!”  _ That’s not how currency works but okay.  _ “Fresh fish ten copper each!”  _ Note: His fish were minnow-guppies. _ “One pig-goat for the price of a pig-chicken!” “You’re the kind of person who needs this dress!” I’m sure he was directing it at Fujiko and her fur-lined robe, but I yelled back “I’ll stick with my manly manly informal robes, thank you!” 

And they continued. “One gold necklace!” “Five silver earrings!” “Real sapphire, ten!”  _ Ten what? Copper? Gold? A currency that doesn’t exist?  _ “Liaoyang wine! Half-off!” I turned to Zhu because a  _ yunjiwei _ and adopted son of Song who grew up in  _ Dongfang  _ is absolutely the expert on wines from the eastern coast. Sure enough, “There’s no such thing as Liaoyang. He’s referring to Shi Ju Zi.” “Thank you, Zhu.” He reciprocated with a thin smile. 

Back to the madness… “Pottery two for one silver, four for three silver!” I quite obviously pointed out “He’s charging more for more” and the others agreed. The guide explained “They’re all yelling, Your Majesty. If you stop to listen to them you find out  _ all  _ of it is overpriced.” Then she gestured to one vendor. “Take that man.” Said man yelled “Pottery, ninety eight copper! Down from two silver!” “See that, Your Majesty?” and she gestured to one of the cups. “I do.” “That’s a clay cup. It costs ten copper.” “Of course, he makes up a value, dashes it in half, then charges thinking we’re saving money.” “Precisely, Your Majesty.” 

“If any of these people charged honest prices, nobody would buy their goods. Since they’re yelling a lot and people are intimidated by yelling, they’re more likely to buy.” This only spurred me on to point out the obvious. “Their goods aren’t worth it.” Taishi also said something obvious. “This is common all over the place, even Ba Sing Se.” “I don’t recall this much yelling Lieutenant.” “You’ve never frequented the Lower Ring.”  _ That is true.  _ “I have not. I spent most of my life either in a village where everyone knows everyone and the prices are honest, or Shirahama where the prices were also quite decent, or… as me.” “The Lower Ring is mostly this, with less screaming and more poverty.” “Taishi, I don’t think these people are particularly well-off.” 

I gestured to one row of buildings that despite being ‘new’, according to our guides, were in a decrepit state. “So that’s why they are shouting at us to buy their garbage,” the Lieutenant realized.  _ That makes sense.  _ “Well, I have no intention of supporting them financially.” then I turned to the guide and asked “Can’t the locals do it?” “Your Majesty, the locals who aren’t trying to sell us trash pottery are too poor.” She gestured to another small flock of robed men being led down the street by a sage-looking fellow. I directed the following question at the sky itself. “Then why come here?” “Spirituality. It’s a peaceful town built around worshipping. Any who would want to do that can do it here. And… these store owners make lots of money off the pilgrimages. Rich people coming to appease the Spirits at a holy site, Your Majesty.” “The Spirits won’t give the poor pilgrims gold, though.” “That doesn’t stop them from trying to ask for it, Your Majesty,” the guide replied.

I was surprised at Fujiko’s lack of an interruption, so I took to asking her a question. “What does Agni think of all this? Will… my troops… praying to Agni grant us wealth?” “No, Your Majesty. Agni does not grant blessings at mere requests. Agni is not benevolent. Agni grants as He wishes, we simply do as He commands.” “Has he-” no, I didn’t stress the ‘he’ like she did, “-done any commanding today?” She neglected to reply. 

The Shengdishi Magistrate Hall was built more like a palace than a regular town hall. A wide courtyard in front of an expansive five story gold-inlaid structure with the rest of the government buildings built around the courtyard save one direction -south- that was used as an entrance. The vanguard and I rode right into the courtyard, banners proudly flapping in our hands, and right up to a middle-aged beardless near-balding short well-fed man and his Magistrate’s robes. He was flanked with a small entourage of guards wearing blue and white tunics and wielding  _ ji _ s. A herald we had taken with us from Ba Sing Se pulled out a scroll. The courtyard was as silent as a catacomb allowing the herald’s wonderful voice boomed the scroll’s contents. 

“Presenting, His Imperial Majesty, the First Earth Emperor, the Imperial Consort, the One-Eyed Badgermole, Imperial Commander, Slayer of General Shinji, Victor of the Hundred Year War and the Blood of Avatar Kyoshi.” Fujiko added, “and Agni’s Champion.” The rest of us didn’t break our looks forward, as much as we wanted to.

The rotund man had his own herald. “Presenting, Magistrate Shizi-Lee, Magistrate of Shengdishi.” 

I turned my ostrich horse to the side to let the Magistrate and his men get a good look at the blue armor of mine that stretches down to my legs and my sheer _size_ towering over him. Besides, it made turning around much easier should the need arise. Once side-on with him, I looked down at him. “Magistrate Shizi-Lee, who do you serve?” “I serve myself _._ I was appointed by myself.” _That’s not part of the Empire_. I put my hand on my _jian_ hilt. 

“Magistrate, surrender your town, rejoin the Empire, and we will spare you.” The well-fed man waddled a few paces closer to me. “Shengdishi has always been a neutral ground. We do not serve any one group.” I looked at the guard’s tunics. “Then why were there New Taku flags flying in the city?” His eyes flashed wide then returned to normal. “They… they… they are forbidden.” I looked at my men then at him. 

“Why haven’t you had them removed?” “I cannot control my entire town’s population.” One of the Imperial Guards murmured something about titles. “You ought to get them under control. Now, surrender your town to the Badgermole Throne.” The man waddled a pace closer and definitely looked up at me. “If this is a declaration of war, Emperor, know that I have the protection of the Avatar on my side.”  _ The Avatar.  _ I looked to my officers and fellow men of the retinue. I wasn’t going to ask them, but I was willing to bet that none of us want to fight the Avatar. Not right now. “Fine. Magistrate. We respect the Avatar’s holy hand. We will not attack. We expect the same of you?” The man bowed in Air Nomad style. “I will, Emperor. The Avatar may not take his promises seriously, but the holy city of Shengdishi does.” 

Before I rode off, I spotted that his tunic bore the sigil of the White Lotus. “You serve the White Lotus?” He looked… quite surprised, as if he didn’t expect anyone to say that. Makes sense, the sigil was small and located just above his waist. “We are a city run by the White Lotus, Your Majesty.” “Then that is why you are neutral?” “Correct, Your Majesty.”  _ That’s why. The White Lotus are supposed to be neutral. Very good, then _ . I snapped my reins and turned around. “Then get your town under control, Magistrate.” And like that, I rode off.

We rode northwest up an extension of the road we came up on. The commercial district was weaning away and being replaced with nothing but row upon row of tightly packed housing. These three story block-like buildings existed in the commercial area, but the first story was always presided over by whatever business was present. Now without those businesses or the sounds of haggling merchants, the town took on an eerie silence. There weren’t even any birds. 

I think I counted a single sparrow-thrush chirp in the next three  _ dian  _ of riding. The houses were occupied, yes. Sometimes we’d see people peeking out of the higher story shutters. Sometimes. Other times we’d hear doors be slammed shut. “For a neutral town, the people sure seem scared,” I said to my companions. “This is a town of nonbelievers, Your Majesty. They’ll feign innocence but they would rise up and kill all of Agni’s servants.” I looked to my guide again. “Is she saying the truth?” “Your Majesty, this is a strange town. The White Lotus...takeover… is recent. They used to just be… neutral. Their terror could be from seeing a full marching column walk past their doors.” “It would make sense. It’s just… odd how the businesses didn’t board up but these people did.” “Money matters more than who you cater to,” my Lieutenant pointed out. I turned towards him and asked “Where did you learn that life lesson, Taishi?” “Spending my days in the Lower Ring. Everything’s a service and everything’s sellable.” He left it at that and I left it at that. I raised my hand to silence Fujiko and we continued marching.

The land to the south of the road had transformed into single or two story buildings. The land to the north of the road maintained its packed-inness. As to why people prefer to cram together along the northern side and not the southern, we’d occasionally glimpse a spire belonging to some spirituality to the north whereas no such structures laid to the south.  _ The town is built around it’s holy sites _ . 

As morning became late morning, we reached the western ‘end’ of the straight road we had been taking thus far: A carriage depot. A flat one-story structure with a large stable on one side and carriages on the other. There were carriages coming up from the west and dropping people off at the depot and there were people getting in carriages and riding off ahead of us towards the west. The depot bore no flags to distinguish who it belonged to. Sure, it  _ belonged  _ to the White Lotus, but… it’s also our land.

I convened with my officers on a nearby hill. “We could take the depot.” Guiren asked “Wouldn’t that be considered a declaration of war, Your Majesty?”  _ Hmm.  _ I toyed with my beard. “Maybe. Then we’ll do the second-best. I don’t want carriages going to New Taku.” Taishi coughed to grab everyone’s attention. Then he pointed at the roadway. “They’ve already got carriages going down there.”  _ Wait. By Kyoshi, you’re right _ . “You’re right, Taishi. You’re right. We…” I watched one carriage snap his reins and head off down a northwestern road that vanished behind a valley wall. “We should get west.” 

So Zhu asked “Then who will stay behind to block the road?” I looked around at the officers. Ba Sing Se-trained men next to Makapuan Sages, men and women, next to Taishi. “Do I have five hundred volunteers to hold the land west of the town entrance?” One of the Sages raised his hand. “ _ You  _ have five hundred soldiers?” “I do, Your Majesty,” “What’s your name?” “Jurou, Your Majesty.” “Jurou, take your five hundred and encamp up here. You’ll be watching our eastern front. We’ll communicate with riders.” 

We didn’t take the depot. We passed it by and took to reforming the military marching column to best approach the road ahead. Scouts in front, a number of riders behind them, the gilded arrowhead behind them, then on as usual. Said road, sparsely populated with carriages, was the New Taku-Shengdishi Thoroughfare. Four carriages wide with two in either direction, this road was based on a trail previously used by travellers to ascend from the far-flung desolate coastal plain -the closest spot to Shengdishi- to Shengdishi. It was expanded as a result of, like everything else, the booming industry of New Taku. 

We took the rest of the day on marching down this pronounced slope. On either side, we’d encounter sparse mixed wood forests. There were no rest stops, no villages, no communities. Not even a hunting cabin. It was oddly silent. There were exits, as in, you  _ could  _ exit the road, but the most one would see is a farmer’s road that didn’t even go to any farms. No, far from it. Everything was forests. Sparse forests. The mountain peaks that blocked all views north and south were tall enough to have snowy caps.  _ Yet again, how is Shengdishi the highest point? It’s not _ . The Sun slowly went west, then down. As it did, we rode. And rode. And talked. And rode.

“Why was the Magistrate so amicable?” I looked at my Lieutenant. “I don’t know, Taishi.” Fujiko gave her thoughts. “He was a nonbeliever, Your Majesty. He will betray us.” This gave Taishi inspiration for a question. “Why  _ did  _ you pass the settlement by?” “You mean instead of burn it down?” “Yeah.”  _ Here’s the answer, it’s called supplies. Bonus answer, time _ . 

“Fengji!” The Logistician kicked his mount over towards the front to join us. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “How many day’s provisions do we have left?” “Three, Your Majesty.” I held up three fingers. “Three, Taishi.  _ Three _ .” “How… how did we go from four weeks to three to three days?” the Lieutenant asked, a surprised tone trying to break through his formal tone. Fengji replied “Marching through mountains and in the snow, Lieutenant.” 

Logically, Taishi went on to ask “If we have three days left, why not attack Shengdishi?” “It’s not worth it. Did you see all those streets?” “I did.” “You know how long it would take to clear that city out?” He muttered “Days.” “Exactly.”  _ And that’s not just it _ . “Do you want to pick a fight with the White Lotus?” “Aren’t we going to go pick a fight with the Avatar’s city?”, Zhu replied, a bit louder than he was supposed to.  _ Nope. Don’t let everyone realize that _ . “We’re picking a fight with a rebel city. The Avatar cares about balance. There are only Four Nations, not five.” “Then… what about this city?” I took a deep breath. “The White Lotus…  _ we are not  _ going to pick a fight with the White Lotus.  _ I am not _ . This is the last time we discuss this.” 

Fujiko cut Zhu off by reaching over and grabbing his hand. “Ju-Jun, Agni  _ will  _ provide for Agni’s Champion.” The man stuttered at her grab. Instead of cleaving her hand from her arm for this randomness, I sighed. “I don’t need Agni providing for me. I need to get to that city. The Imperial Navy is strangling the lifeblood from her and we will be the final thrust to capitulate her.” 

Afternoon slunk into evening when I decided to have our forces settle down for the night. I was tired. The men I was riding alongside were tired. The ostrich horses had slowed to a crawl. The march down from the high barren mountains of Shengdishi was far more difficult than I imagined. I only realized how little we had travelled when, during dinner, the officers mentioned that “We’ve only marched forty  _ li _ .” I looked at the man who said that. “And how far is New Taku?” Fengji answered for him. “A hundred  _ li _ , Your Majesty.”  _ A hundred li.  _

I looked around the room. “How many days does it take to get there?” One of the local guides piped in “Two, Your Majesty.”  _ Two?  _ “Why does it take two days to get there?” A different guide replied “If this thoroughfare follows the traveller’s path, we’ll have to march around the northern side of one large snow-capped peak, then around the southern side of another,  _ then _ we’d reach the coastal peninsula where New Taku resides. All of this is in the final leg of the journey, Your Majesty. We’re halfway to the final leg.”  _ Halfway to the final leg. That doesn’t make any sense.  _ “So we need to march another day’s march, then half a day’s march to the city’s plain.” “Yes, Your Majesty.” For this guide’s effort, “Thank you, guide.” 

I had demanded the officers be given the same portions as the men. After the rest had their portions handed out, I took mine. We dined on a few strips of fish and this grain broth that tasted better than the sand-colored sludge it looked like. We toasted to Her Imperial Majesty and the war and we drank tea we had bought a few days ago. We planned the next day of action: We wouldn’t march at the highest possible speed as that would exhaust the men and exhausted men can’t fight. We’d aim to start the siege within two nights. “This would mean we don’t have the supplies to maintain the siege beyond a few days, Your Majesty.” I gestured to Taishi. “We have elite earthbenders and a small army.” Then I gestured to Fengji. We’ll kill our ostrich horses if we have to.” I didn’t want to accept that truth, but if it was inevitable, it was inevitable. I’d rather fed men than starving men.

For the first time in days upon days, I received a scroll. It was the middle of the night, but the news “A scroll has arrived, Your Majesty!” was enough to make me jump out of bed and almost,  _ almost _ , trip on Nan. When I realized that I poked him in the stomach with my toes, he whined as if to apologize frantically for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. There’s just no lightning inside my tent because who needs a lantern, right?” He started licking my hands because  _ he  _ was apologizing. So I gave him stomach rubs because “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t. Really. You didn’t.” Soon enough, I gave him enough ear pets and ear scratches that he accepted my apology and licked me in the face. After all this was done, I called in the scroll and read it.

It was from Vice Admiral Zhe Zhuang. He was at New Taku. When he arrived, the New Takuan Navy was docked at the shore. His biplanes swooped in and sank the ships with torpedoes and bombs. After that was done, he started bombarding the city itself. The coastal defenses, composed of a few earthbender positions and a few dozen ballistas, trebuchets and catapults were destroyed by his naval artillery. His naval artillery outranged the remaining coastal emplacements. As of writing this to me, his biplanes are in the process of reducing the garrison structures, barracks and wall defenses to rubble. He has yet to take casualties. He informed me of fast sailboats that were in the process of getting through the blockade, only for most to be sunk.

His scroll inquired as to my location and I sent back that I planned on being there within three days. I requested  _ ‘in the geng before I begin my assault, I will have a large bonfire lit. When that happens, deploy your aircraft to soften the eastern defenses. Once I am inside the city, please land your troops.’  _ I rolled the scroll up, gave it the Imperial Seal and had it sent east with an eel-hound rider. Soon after the rider left, I went back to sleep.

I rose from the chants of the Makapuans. They asked Agni for protection, they asked Her Imperial Majesty to twist the weather to their favor. They asked Agni for all their inner flames to be enhanced and for Agni to cast lightning upon ‘His’ foes. The ‘his’ refers to me. “Agni! Cast lightning upon those who march against His Imperial Majesty!”. “Agni! Protect us from the Water Spirits, those who have sabotaged our provisions!” 

The Xishaners, in contrast with before, were more successful with their hunts today. Simultaneously, the rest of us did the usual praying. While all the Imperials kowtowed eastwards towards the Badgermole Throne, I heard whispers I haven’t heard before. “We should drink the tea now before we regret it.” “We’ll march into an ambush.” “Maybe she’s right about the Spirits.” among other remarks. 

I interrupted our prayers to say “If you want to drink your tea now, drink it now. I’m saving it for the siege.” followed shortly by my comment that “The Spirits didn’t sabotage our provisions, we just have a large army marching.” but the men that said it stayed silent. Soon after all our prayers, we gathered our equipment, mounted up, and rode out once again.

The thoroughfare was empty during the morning. No carriages were trying to cut us off and no carriages were going up towards Shengdishi. The forests carried an eerie silence to them. For weeks we’d hear the cries of hawk-falcons or falcon-fishers or eagle-falcons as they darted from one part of the coniferous forest to another. We’d rarely if ever see them, but the noise reminded us of the wilderness we were in. In this case, there was none of that. Likewise, there were no thrush-sparrows or robin-cardinals to chirp our passing. The forests were silent and that took its toll on the troops. “The forests are haunted.” “They’re cursed.” “The woods are dead.” 

Fujiko reassured all of us up in the vanguard. “Agni protects us.” I looked to my companions and said “I don’t think the woods are haunted or cursed or any of that. They’re just woods. Some woods don’t have birds, some do.” It didn’t mean I didn’t have my convictions or concerns.  _ Why  _ are they dead?  _ Why  _ are they silent?  _ Is  _ there something out there? I didn’t let anyone else see if I thought any of this. No, instead, my face was noble, calm and bearded.  _ Yes, I had a short beard _ . As for our Colonial scouts? We didn’t have any scouts for this land,  _ as there is nobody who comes from these mountains _ . It’s one thing to have a scout who knows the roadway, or former traveller’s path. Most Colonials from these lands, the ones that do lots of travelling, do. But to know the mountains? To be able to ride through them with certainty? We didn’t have that. 

Fujiko made up for it with a statement. “Agni protects us, but be wary of the forests to the south, Your Majesty.”  _ Be wary of…  _ I looked to my left. “These are just forests.” “Agni granted me sight. He saw a great waterfall cascading down from peaks of snow, a waterfall enshrined in the shadow of mountains.”  _ A great waterfall.  _ “Does anyone know any waterfalls here?” and I looked around at the guides. “During the snowmelt season, Your Majesty,” one of the guides replied.  _ Shadow of mountains. So the Sun would be in the south, casting a shadow on the mountains. Right. That makes sense _ . “How do we know your vision is true?” “Agni grants me the power to, I only interpret His sight.”  _ Right.  _ I acted like this didn’t bother me, but deep inside me, I felt a pang of anxiety. Lightningbenders who are descendants of powerful firebenders and ‘predicted’ my arrival…  _ mere coincidence, or something more?  _

As morning turned to noon, we came upon a valley with steep slopes on either side. The trees at the base of the valley were mixed but higher up in elevation, they were conifers. Dense conifers. Yet again, the forests retained an uncanny silence. “Is this the mountain before the mountain before the coastal plains?” “No, Your Majesty,” the guide told me. “Then where are we?” She pointed straight ahead. “Does Your Majesty see the twin snow-capped peaks in the distance?” I looked ahead. Our valley’s high mountains became low, snowless, hills. Then, at the end of the hills, two mountains rose like gates. The nearer of the two was to our south and ‘overlapped’, as in it appeared in front of, the northern of the two. “That’s what you mean by marching around the north and then around the south.” “The ‘Gates of New Taku’ is what us the traders called them.” 

This was interrupted by Nan stopping and his ears perking up. He turned his head towards the forest just to our left. “What is it, boy?” Nan then barked towards the trees. I stopped the column with the only sound audible being the echoing “Halt!”. I pulled my bow off my back and held it in my off-hand. “This is the mountain from my vision…” she mumbled. Before I could say anything, she took a few deep breaths, whispered something, and rode forward a few paces.  _ Vision… mountain… wait…  _ But again, before I could say anything, she raised her hands to the sky and yelled “Agni protect us!” and two  _ miao  _ later, I heard it. 

A horn that I’ve heard before. It’s pitch was high and it was nasal in tone. It wasn’t the cat-deer horn of the Xishan. It wasn’t the horn of the Imperial Army. It was a horn of the buffalo yak. It was the horn of the Water Tribes _.  _

I  _ screamed _ “Wall! Ambush!” and the Imperial Guard broke off from their formation. Some drew their  _ dao _ , some used their barefists. Eitherway, they rode down the line, pulling an earth wall out of the ground. It was too late, though. I heard the gushing of water.  _ No.  _ “Fujiko!” I yelled, breaking the silence. In a  _ deep voice, _ she cried “Agni!!!”, pulled a bolt of lightning from nothing and pointed it towards the oncoming water. Just as the water broke through the treeline and turned to ice, she released the bolt. The flash of light blinded us and the  _ zap-boom! _ deafened us. 

The countless blood-curdling screams overpowered the deafening blast. The icicles melted to water, water that fell to the ground where it was and stopped. The blood-curdling screams didn’t stop. One man, somewhere up there, made the same sound I remember Garrison Officer Lee making…  _ that day _ …  _ long ago _ ...when the Fire Princess was done using him.  _ She… she didn’t make it quick. Because I had to watch and see. I was forced… It was that or…  _

I was pulled out of the memory by the sounds of her coiling up a new bolt and yelling “Agni guide us!” and launching it into the woods, electrocuting more people. Someone yelled “Incoming!” . Someone had given a command and some of the Makapuan Sages who rode with us volley-launched one large wave of fire that collided with the oncoming…  _ men _ . Men. They were men dressed in armor.  _ Armor _ . With helmets. That’s when the battle began.

_ Ten years of duck-geese hunting. Small targets, small points to hit. One eye. No problems _ .  _ Nock, draw, aim, thwick _ . I pinned an officer -his plumed helmet gave it away- in the eye. He grabbed the shaft and fell down on himself. Then someone started pulling my ostrich horse away and I with her.  _ Nock, draw,  _ I followed Ju-Long’s advice,  _ aim, just like duck-geese, thwick _ . I hit an enemy crossbowman in the face. Even as my mount was being dragged forward, I maintained my focus.  _ Breathe. Nock, draw, aim, enemy earthbender, thwick _ . A hit in the shoulder.  _ Nock, draw, aim, enemy spear-wielder, thwick _ . I hit her in the side of the throat.  _ Nock, draw, aim, enemy officer, thwick _ . I got him in the chest, but that didn’t mean he died. He simply fell over.

Meanwhile, my fellow men were fighting. The Imperial Guard were rolling up and down the line in their barded mounts, cutting down anyone dumb enough to stop with their  _ dao  _ or pulling small chunks of earth out to hammer the attackers in the heads. The Xishaners took the fight to the attackers as they buried axes in skulls and, in Uzluk’s case, ripped a man’s head clean off. 

And Fujiko? She was demounted. She had a few men charging her. She grabbed one man’s spear and set it alight before plunging a fire dagger through his face. His screams were masked by his friends’. A kick sent a wave towards them and they wavered. An enemy earthbender had punched a hole in our line further down from us. He jumped into the air with his earth pillars, kicked our boulders to dust before landing and sent a rippling wave out in all directions. I eyed him in the middle of all the chaos thanks to my elevated -and distant- position.  _ Nock, draw, aim,  _ I waited for him to kick himself up with a pillar and-  _ thwick _ . He took an arrow to the side of his chest. That might not have killed him, but a passing Xishaner with a giant axe splitting the man’s arm from his body certainly did. 

A  _ zap-boom! _ drew I and everyone else’s attention towards the source. Fujiko had blown a hole in the side of the mountain itself. Chunks of granite fell in a  _ real  _ rock-alanche. The rock-alanche tumbled through the forest, smashing into trees and, judging by the dozens of wails from inside the woods, crushing many of our enemies. Our attackers rallied against us to no avail. Our side raised more low earth walls and held the ground. If and when close-quarters occurred, our  _ dao  _ and  _ dadao  _ were far superior to theirs. 

The ground beneath my feet rippled, producing an earth spike that impaled an attacking axe-man some fifty feet away. There were more coming with him. The wielder of this spike arrived wearing gilded armor, a  _ dao  _ in one hand and a metal four-foot spear in the other.  _ Taishi _ . I threw my bow onto my back and drew my  _ jian _ . These other men that charged us were met with Taishi being a real pupil of Her Imperial Majesty. 

The metal spear pierced through one lightly armored man while the  _ dao  _ hacked another man’s face open. Then the javelin was drawn out and swung around like a staff, sweeping two pairs of legs out before being  _ shoved through  _ a third. The two downed men were  _ slice, slice,  _ while the man who had a spear sticking out his back took a cutting strike to his head. I raced over to join Taishi, Zhu and Nan following me. I rode by and cut down a man with a back-of-neck strike. Nan jumped up and  _ ripped the arm  _ off one of the axe-wielders. Taishi pulled the metal spear out before tossing it like a javelin at the close-quarters-combat over by Fujiko and the Imperial Guard. He, alone, ran over to the battle, pulled the metal out, shoved it through someone’s neck, then twisted the javelin to rip the neck apart. I was inspired by this and followed him in. Other Imperial Guards were chopping at the rear of the clashing forces. I rode up to get near Taishi and with a single  _ thrust _ , shoved my blade through the back of one spear-wielder’s leather hat and out the front of his head. The black blade was painted a nice red hue. 

The battle ground to a quick halt with Guiren, personally, leading his riders on a sweeping maneuver where they rolled up,  _ er, down, _ from west -where we were- to east. A few survivors ran into the woods and I shouted orders of “Stay back! Reform! Reform!” and the officers, or the ones listening, complied. Soon enough, a battle line of earth and braced spears had been reforged and I was striding down the line towards Guiren. “Hold the line men! Hold!” They held and I rode. And I rode. Two  _ fen  _ passed while I gathered a few bodyguards -random Imperial Guards who were passing by- as we rode down the column. The sounds of battle grew fainter and fainter until the forest was abreath with the sounds of the dying and birds. Just… not the good kind.  _ Caw! Caw!  _ Raven-crows had come out of hiding and were diving into the woods. Probably to feat on what was left of our opponents. When I finally reached Guiren, he was far from a celebratory mood. Why? He was looking at the wagons. I was looking at the wagons.

Many of the wagons were on fire. Ostrich horses were trampling into the wilderness to our south. Bodies of wagon-drivers lined the ground, some corpses ablaze, some punctured with arrows, some with holes in their chests.  _ Our wagons. They… they went after our… they went after our wagons.  _ “This!” I yelled, my formal tone vanished. “This was an ambush to go after our wagons!” I looked up towards the mountains we had descended from. 

Guiren said “That Magistrate.  Shengdishi. He  _ knew _ . He knew!”, not I. I agreed with him. “The lying…” I didn’t have the words. “Guiren! Gather everything you can!” “Yes, Your Majesty!” I turned around.  _ I can’t.  _ The stench of burning bodies was… everywhere.  _ Battle always carries that… stench, like a sewer mixed with an infirmary. _ Here it was no different. “Scouts! Get me everything you can!” Then I looked back at the bodies. “Men! We encamp! Everyone! Bury the bodies!” 

I spent the rest of the afternoon assisting with the funeral rites of so, so, many men. Men and women. I couldn’t bear to ask it, but I had to know. “What’s the total?” Next to me, Guiren was helping place the bodies so that each would have a grave. “The low estimate is five hundred, Your Majesty.”  _ Five hundred. Five hundred soldiers. Most of them were probably the wagon coaches. And the ones hit with earthbenders.  _ “Ostrich horses?” “Two hundred.” “Wagons?” “Fengji says one in five.”  _ One in five.  _ “How?” was all I could muster.

“They knew their terrain.” I dropped the shovel and fell to my knees. “ _ How? _ How? How? How? How?” I started hammering the ground with my fists. “How? How could this happen to us?” I’m not supposed to cry as Emperor… but... I remembered some of these people. They weren’t all mine. Many were Guiren’s. Didn’t matter. A few were really good singers. A few wanted to be painters. Most had brothers and sisters. A few were orphans. A few were the last surviving children of their parents.  _ They were all people.  _ This wasn’t even the edge of it.  _ No. There were more _ .

We lost five Imperial Guards. 

“Our… five brothers… they came to us… from…Ba Sing Se. Kang Zhi was twenty-nine. At Caldera, he danced around a firebender and escaped unscathed. Zeng was forty-four. He tried his hand at politics. It failed miserably. He joined the Guard after proving his earthbending might. Bao, he was just twenty. The jeweler’s son had his mother’s penchant for earring designs. He joined the Guard after being inspired. One day, he always said, he was going to sell the earrings he made. One day. It never came. Twenty-one year old Jiang was the well-fed third son of some martial noble dynasty. Instead of war, he wanted to be a cook. He was sent to the Guard as ‘punishment’, told to go to the tryouts as a dare. Instead, he learned the blade. He mastered the blade. The well-fed man got through the tryouts and got in. He used to help make dishes with his off-duty knife. His cake-cutting skill was second-to-none. Ning had one of the nicest voices of the whole Guard. The thirty year old was the highlight of the Imperial Army Choir, then he warmed our days when he joined the Guard Choir.” 

I took a deep breath.  _ You can do it.  _ “May Kang dance eternally, may Zeng give a good speech for once, just once!” there were a couple chuckles, levity, “May Bao make earrings eternally, may Jiang practice his cutting skills eternally and may Ning… well you can’t improve Ning. May they all, say it with me, may they join our fallen brothers and sisters in-” then the perfectly precise block of men shouted “the Jade Palace!” 

I started covering their bodies. “One day, brothers, we will join you all.” The block cried “Ten Thousand Years!” “May…” I got on my knees and kowtowed. “May we avenge these men.” They shouted “Ten Thousand Years!” “When we fall, may it be in battle, in the name of Her Imperial Majesty!” And so the men cried “Ten Thousand Years!”, with no blades thrust to the sky, but as a formal block of men at attention.

We camped tonight at the base of the Gates of New Taku. Raiders came. More provisions were destroyed. More men, Makapuans, Guiren died. Nobody has sung tonight. Our toasts have so far been sullen. To the Empress and to the Empire and to winning the war. So far, dinner has been nearly silent. I’m writing all this quickly due to what came next.

Lady Fujiko had arrived, having requested to enter my tent. I let her in, only to glare at her. “Yes?” “I request Your Majesty come with me to my tent.” I squinted at her. “Is this some trick to get you to seduce me?” She broke from her normal tone, “No, no, Your Majesty, simply for Your Majesty to ask Agni for guidance. I have sensed that after the news of unrest, Your Majesty will need it.” 

“What news?” I asked. “I haven’t seen any scrolls yet.” Then I looked at my two Imperial Guards, stationed inside my tent for protection. “Have any scrolls come for me?” “No, Your Majesty” both replied at the same time.  _ Exactly.  _ “How could you possibly have news?” “Agni’s flames, Your Majesty.”  _ Agni’s flames.  _ “You want me to follow you?” “Yes, Your Majesty.” After losing so many men to raids, I decided to follow her over to her tent.  _ It can’t hurt, can it? _ I walked over to her tent and entered.

She gave me a knife, told me “A drop of blood from your finger, ” and I didn’t resist.  _ After all this, it can’t hurt, can it?  _ So I took a knife, cut a tiny hole in the last finger on my offhand, and let the single drop of blood fall into her fire.

The flames tripled in size. “Look into the flames, Agni’s Champion.” So I did. I don’t think I’ll be able to ever describe what I saw next.

I  _ saw  _ glimpses. A structure that looked like it was straight out of the Imperial Palace Grounds. The sounds of earthbending. The Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se on fire, from the perspective of some high tower. And the sound of thrashing waves, of waterbending.

A grassy field covered in red flowers, with New Taku on one side and the mountains, the Gates, on another. Thrashing waves and drowning men. A dark room with no light. The sounds of screaming. Of torture.  _ And the sound of thrashing waves _ .

“What… is this…” I said as I staggered backwards, dread building up in my gut. 

“Agni has granted Your Majesty a vision of what is now and what will be.”

“Have you… seen the… the…”  _ what do I even…  _ I didn’t want to go on. I felt like I wanted to faint. “Have you seen Ba Sing Se?” 

“Does Your Majesty believe in Agni now?”

“Have you seen Ba Sing Se?”

“No. I have seen the lands of Xiong Lin, Agni’s Champion. Rest up, Agni’s Champion, the Battle of New Taku will go down in history.”

My last act tonight, Fujiko told me to hand this book over to someone else so that they may record the battle. So I did that. Taishi volunteered to be my record-bearer. I will write in this book after the siege ends. __

If I don’t, may the Archivists know one thing:  _ I love you, my Empress. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time...  
> ...a battle that will go down in history.
> 
> -This place I am writing about is based on a real place nowhere near the Makapuan Mountains' or Colonial Hinterlands' namesakes.  
> -The real location this is also based on has a very high number of sacks, sieges and conquests.  
> -For clarification, Shengdishi is a town under the protection of the White Lotus.  
> -Why not burn the city down? Considering the difficulties of it, it's not worth it.  
> -The 'Gates of New Taku' are the two large mountains from this image: https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/avatar/images/5/50/Yue_Bay.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/340?cb=20160516154618


	100. The Last Badgermole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The One-Eyed Badgermole marches against New Taku.
> 
> A folk hero is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'VE DONE IT!
> 
> 100 CHAPTERS!
> 
> It took me 227 days (Jan 16th until now), of which the first 171 days was writing all 100 chapters, and everything from then until now has been publishing them.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixty Six:

I’d never guess the Emperor’s personal handwriting straddled the three-part line between simple, monologue-filled, and poetic. Then again, if His Imperial Majesty’s claims were to be believed, the son of two fishers who was rightfully elevated to the position he held  _ would  _ hold some kind of median between commoner and noble. This isn’t my book, I don’t know where it came from or why it has the reddish cover of a Fire Nation book, but these are events few know of. My orders were to be the record-bearer, and so it falls to me.

The burning remnants of funeral mounds gave everything the smell of dragonfire. Most of the men here don’t know what dragonfire smells like. We’d lost more overnight. I raced to my post and found the night watchmen staring ahead at the trees. They weren’t doing their jobs, they were just looking lifelessly at the trees ahead of them. “What’s the matter?” I asked. One of them pointed at the tent flap. “And?” He pointed at the tent flap. 

I went inside and found the Emperor and a kowtowed fanatical man wearing the best rags the Makapuan Mountains can provide. The man clad in blue sleep robes had his fists clenched. “Did I not say get-” but the Emperor ceased his statement when I arrived. I kowtowed and waited for permission to rise. “Get up Lieutenant, I don’t have time.” “What’s the matter, Your Majesty?” “They came in the night for us.” I didn’t know what he meant. I guessed he meant “Our tents?” but he corrected me. 

“In the mountains. Our garrison, the ones holding the carriage depot.” Then it made sense. The kowtowing Makapuan man was bloodied and his hair blown back by the wind. The Emperor was always a prestigious military commander, and, like always, it fell to me to ask him. “What is Your Majesty’s plan for this?” the Emperor’s good eye twitched. “Plan? I was betrayed and we’ve been cut off. There’s an army marching down towards us from that town of pacifists!” 

I started towards an answer, “Do we encamp to…” but I stopped when I realized that he  _ already considered that. Because he’s the Emperor and he wouldn’t not have a plan.  _ “Let me guess, Your Majesty. We mount up and move out?” “Get me a count of men. I want to know what’s left and what we can use.” “Right away, Your Majesty.” I offered a bow and backed out. Judging by the Emperor’s look, I have this itching feeling that that courier or runner or whoever was not going to last a long time. His fist can snap necks. I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of it.

I ran off to obtain that headcount. Last night’s attacks, though repelled, took a toll. A few hundred dead or badly wounded. Killed because we encamped a few  _ li  _ from the enemy capital, deep inside enemy territory, and the New Takuans were smart enough to use guerrilla tactics. 

When I finally returned from my count, I reported “Your Majesty, it’s getting harder and harder to find officers to get the numbers.” “ _ Why _ ?” “Because… they’re dead.” The Emperor took a deep breath. “Of course they are.” Then he took out a map of the local region, where he got it from I’ll never know, and placed it on the table. “Lieutenant, get over here and look.” I did as he instructed and watched his hands point. 

“You see this valley?” and he pointed at a valley between two mountains. “I do, Your Majesty.” “Now, you’ve got two eyes. Look to the right.” I followed his instruction and looked to the right. I spotted the coast, just to our west _.  _ “The coastal plain’s right there.” “That’s correct, Lieutenant.” “The city’s just beyond it.” “That’s also correct. You’re almost good enough to be a Colonel.”  _ Is that a compliment? Is he about to kill someone? I don’t know if I want to ask.  _ “Thank you, Your Majesty.” He smiled. “You’d be a good one at that.”  _ Turns out I didn’t die.  _

Then he dragged his finger from the valley to the city. “Only an absolute Egg would fail to rain fire and explosives on us.” “What’s an Egg, Your Majesty?” He looked at me, squinted, then pinched his wrist. “You  _ are  _ a real person, Lieutenant, right?” “I…” I stuttered, confused by the tangent.  _ I… yes?  _ “I believe I am, Your Majesty.” “Very good. As a real person, you can clearly understand that only a cowardly fool would neglect to use the homeland’s terrain against an invading force.” He pointed at the pair of mountains, then at the thin line demarcating the road we had taken. 

I was caught up on a term, so I asked about it’s meaning.“I thought we weren’t the invaders, Your Majesty.” He splayed his palm out on the map. “They think it’s their homeland. They may be wrong, but our enemies shouldn’t be underestimated for what they might get right. The former Lord of Gaoling knew to assign smart men to hold the Gaoling River. Then he gave those men nice looking heraldry.” I tried to understand what he was saying, but again, something he said caught me in confusion. “Is… that a reference I’m supposed to understand, Your Majesty?” He looked at the map and sighed. “No, Lieutenant. Our foe is a clever one, but he’s played his little trick. He attacked us, he can’t play it again. I won’t let him.” I wondered where the Emperor and his long-running tangent was going. 

“So we’ll move against the city?” I asked. “The former Lord employed his terrain but we routed his attackers. He can’t do it again. Least of all on an open field where the Empire’s best-” he turned to point at my chest piece, “- _ your  _ best, can hold the line and the rest can either flank, hold, or die.”  _ That’s not part of the Imperial Army Officer’s Manual, but His Imperial Majesty isn’t the most common of officers _ . I didn’t know if he remembered the possible eastern force, so I reminded him. “What of the men coming down from the east?” 

“They’re…” he paused. And stood there in silence. Thinking. He was mouthing ideas to himself. This is a common trait of his, to stand there and just think. It’s quite common for him to just stand there and mouth words and ideas to himself. Nobody was here to interrupt him and I wasn’t going to. We have a policy of letting him stand there and think his thoughts through. Not just because he’s the Emperor, but because he earned the privilege from his experiences. 

When he was done thinking, he continued. “They’re not going to reach us in the same time it takes us to reach New Taku. However, I will  _ not  _ let my men get encircled and die because the Lord of Gaoling played a funny little trick of his.” I took all this to mean that we were going on the offensive. As such, I asked “Shall I summon the Sergeant Generals, Your Majesty?” “No, we’re not summoning anyone yet. We’re going to march west and once we reach the coastal plain, I’ll devise our breakout force.” 

The Emperor, unlike most officers, was always open to questions. Even from the lowest ranked nobodies. Good for me that I’m a nobody. “May I ask why Your Majesty intends to wait?” He looked at my armor, then back down at the map. “We need to be patient with our forces. The Empire works when I can just take a thousand men and toss them at a wall. Or…” he stuttered a little bit,  _ I wonder if he records that he does that? I’d guess so _ , “...the Imperial Army’s officer corps throws men at the wall until the wall breaks. It’s our strongest point. We will not have that in this battle. What we lack in quantity we’ll make up in quantity.” 

“Your Majesty, that’s not-” but he interrupted me. “I know that doesn’t make sense. I meant quality. Somehow all the  _ other  _ officers avoid making missteps with their words.” I didn’t continue. I didn’t want to anger a man who, while his face was completely calm, he had that little look in his one good eye, that little look he sometimes gets. I can’t explain it. He’s also far taller than me. And probably stronger. And he’s got a giant  _ jian _ . Not that he’d kill me, but he’s still intimidating to look  _ up  _ at. And, like everyone else, I couldn’t bear to look at him when he has that little look. 

He gave a new order while rolling up the map. “Gather the men and women and whatever and put them in marching formation.” “Right away, Your Majesty.” As I walked away from the Emperor, he yelled out “Lieutenant! Get me everyone important enough to be important, including my  _ yunjiwei _ !” He always means the officers. Everyone knows he means the officers. I left him to the company of himself and his trusty wolf-dog Nan, who was enjoying resting on the man’s bed. While I departed, I noted that he looked at his thumb ring for reasons I didn’t know. I stopped, the sight was odd, but I caught his one-eyed squint,  _ that’s what it is, a squint _ , and he barked “ _ Now! _ ” and I left.

I gathered the officers, I sent them to the Emperor, then I assisted with packing up the tent supplies for some of the Imperial Guards. By the time I had finished and reached my optional post outside the Emperor’s flap, I heard “Thank you, all of you, good breakfast! Now, please leave and mount up!” The flap was opened -by him- and most of the officers exited in a single line of depressed waddling turtle-ducks. Most of them weren’t wearing courtly uniforms. The comfortable clothing, as I learned myself, was mostly destroyed in yesterday’s ambush when they hit our clothing wagon. It’s armored all time, except for sleep robes.

Some time later, the Emperor cursed a loud “Ow!”. I glanced at the day watchmen, Longwei and Bingwen, but neither wanted to run inside, as things could get choppy, but we also wanted to run inside, as things were probably getting choppy, so we ran inside. Inside, we drew our blades and encountered the Lady of the Bogs holding the Emperor’s hand over a small fire. A few drops of blood fell from his offhand’s palm and onto the fire, causing the flames to double in size. I thought to ask “Your Majesty?” to ask if he was alright. Instead, he barked “Get out! Lieutenant, you two, get out! I’ll be out… after I look into the flames” and I gave him a wary glance. When I didn’t leave within three  _ miao _ , he turned his head towards me and squinted. “ _ Out _ .” 

Once outside, the three of us took a moment to talk to one another. Sergeant Longwei looked at me. “‘Shi, I thought the Emperor found this stuff heretical.” Corporal Bingwen turned to his partner. “Well even if he doesn’t, I sure do.” I thought to myself.  _ I don’t know.  _ “Fire magic… it’s a peculiar art,” was all I wanted to state. I didn’t want to, as I said to them, “I don’t want to offend the Emperor’s personal preferences.” Longwei continued his point. “It’s a strange belief. Slit your hand and, what, look at a bunch of fires?” Bingwen laughed. “If those flames were so effective, why would the Makapuans only live in their mountain range?” I looked inwards at the tent flap, then over at the two guards. “Cut this out. His Imperial Majesty is not one to be seduced by the Lady of the Bogs. He’s probably using whatever skills she’s giving to his advantage.” While Longwei pursed his lips in contemplation, Bingwen sighed.

“Or maybe he’s slowly going mad,” Bingwen muttered to himself. The two of us glared at him. “What? I can’t be the only one thinking it? I love the guy, but after all we’ve faced, his cousin, his kinswomen, they’re not here and...” but Bingwen trailed off into nothingness. “His Imperial Majesty is not going mad. Who wouldn’t be under lots of pressure when told to go kill their father in law?” Bingwen bowed to me. “My apologies, Lieutenant. You’re right. But… still… that Fujiko, fire magic, anytime you bring in blood-” but he was cut off by the Emperor’s voice. “Thank you, Lady Fujiko, now leave me.” For his smart’s sake, the Corporal closed his mouth.

Lady Fujiko exited, but instead of walking off to her tent, she turned towards Longwen and grabbed his hand. “All spiritualities are heresies in one another’s eyes, are they not? Agni’s flame is the only one that burns true. When the darkness overwhelms you, you may finally learn it.” Then she turned towards Bingwen and grabbed him by the hand. “We will not force you to see that Agni is the only true way, but, when you make it to Shen Dukou, perhaps you will thank Agni for the blessing He gave you.” Finally, she turned towards me and lightly took my hand. “Shenshengmu.” 

Not a moment later, she walked away, leaving the three of us standing there, numb. Her hand sent me into a fever. “Did she hear us?” Longwei asked, staggering in his voice. “Am I the only one sweating?” I asked. “No… she’s weird,” Bingwen concluded. “Do we apologize?” Longwei asked, looking at me. I said nothing. I didn’t even know what to say. The Emperor broke off our discussion. He emerged, putting on his helmet. “We’re moving out as soon as possible.” Instantly, the three of us returned to our usual commands, and set off to mount up. 

We mounted up. He wore the same heavy armor he’s worn for the past couple weeks, and the same blue-green eyepatch that matched the armor, and that special scabbard that was given as a gift. There’s a good starforged  _ jian _ inside there. He also had his thumb ring for archery. The only things not unique about the Emperor’s attire was a bow taken from the Imperial Armory and a quiver of arrows whose fletchings didn’t match. Some were green from the Imperial Armory, some were red from the Colonies and some were brown from the Makapuan Mountains. 

We rounded the corner of the first ‘Gate’ of New Taku when the scouts returned telling us of an advancing column of fleeing individuals. The Emperor ordered us to halt so as to assess who these people were. So I had my men halt and the other officers theirs. We waited a short amount of time for the column to round the bend. They were men and women wielding hammers and blades. They numbered fifty, total. As previously, the Emperor spoke directly to them and avoided the normal policy of heralds and in-betweens. 

“You’re fleeing from New Taku?” was his opening question to the group. They yelled lots of “Yes!”s. “What’s going on in New Taku?” “The Chairman’s trying to conscript us all to the garrison!” one of the women, red dress, black tunic, spoke out. The mob cried “Yeah!” A man near her added “We ain’t part of his little bodyguard group!” Lots of “No!”s and “We ain’t!”s. Then a third person, another man wearing a sash around his head and green-on-red clothes called out “We didn’t want to fight his wars!” “No!” “We don’t!”s. The Emperor waited and let them go on. We waited and let them go on. Time passed while they professed anger at the city not far from us. 

When they were done and not long before the rest of us would’ve stopped being so polite -we had a battle to fight- the Emperor spoke up again. “What is going on in New Taku?” The sixth man, in order of speaking, a white-robed man wearing a red sash yelled “The Chairman wanted us in his army!” and the group chanted their agreements. I don’t know why the Emperor looked at me,  _ does he think I’m supposed to give him advice? _ . Thankfully for me,  _ I have no advice, _ he looked back at the men and women. 

“What  _ is  _ going on in New Taku? Are you being attacked?” This group punched the air with their weapons and yelled “Yes! We are!” or just “Yes!”. The Emperor continued his tactical thinking. “What are you being attacked by?” and he pointed at a single person, man number four, red robe and tunic, to answer. The man, not expecting to be chosen, staggered in his response. “Navy… explosives!” The Emperor sighed. “Shells that rain from the sky and make your houses go kaboom?” “Yes!” the man replied. 

“That’s good. That means it’s working.” I get the feeling the Emperor would’ve preferred to keep that comment to himself. But, being as quick on his feet as he is, he caught his mistake. “What were your intentions, oh ye mob of civilians? Where will you go if not there?” The mob, not being as tactically sound as the Emperor, not catching his err, gave a variety of replies. “We don’t want to be part of this city of rebels!” “We just want to go back to our peace!” “We want our houses back!” and others. 

The Emperor’s powerful stern voice took control of the discussion once more. “What’s the civil state like in New Taku?” I moved my ostrich horse over to get near the tall blue-clad man and whisper “Your Majesty, I don’t think these people know what ‘civil’ or ‘state’ are.” He nodded. “You’d make a good Colonel, Lieutenant.” After all the boring commoners used up their voices, someone wearing red court robes and a black topknot said “The people in the city are split. Some want to be part of New Taku, some want to be part of the Empire. We all want to be part of the Empire.” 

“So a two-way war inside the city?”  _ I can see why the Emperor looks so… well he looks neutral, that classic Pai Sho gambit face, but there’s a hint of happiness in there… because a two-way war benefits us.  _ “There was, yes. Then we heard whispers that the Chairman brought in mercenaries and they started cleaning the city from the sea east. We were some of the last to escape.” The Emperor raised his good eye’s eyebrow. “Do any of you know who these mercenaries are?” “Spearmen!” one of the women from earlier yelled. Most of the group agreed with her judging by all the “Yeah!”s. The Emperor started on an eye-roll, but failed. “Anything definable about them? Specific fighting style?” Grasshopper-crickets from the mob. Still calm, the Emperor asked “How do none of you know what they looked like?” 

The well-dressed topknot from earlier spoke back. “We were the last to leave before the garrison retook the gate. Others were going to wait. We weren’t. We heard these… people clad in grey robes… we weren’t going to wait.” “Wait for what?” the Emperor pondered, loudly. “A relieving force.” The Emperor’s one good eye widened for a flash of a moment. A blink of an eye. “Thank you. We…” he looked from side to side and took a deep breath. “... _ are  _ the relief force, in case all the banners didn’t give it away.” 

It was only now that the exhausted-looking men and women, many who were bandaged with parts of their torn clothes, realized who they were in the presence of. “The Emperor!” “Your Majesty!” “You really came!” and the group fell into kowtows and cheers for the blue-armored man. He wasn’t smiling. He looked ahead at the second ‘Gate’ sternly. “So the Chairman’s having all the Empire supporters killed?” the refugees chanted “Yes, Your Majesty!” in a hundred different voices. The stern Emperor gave a single booming laugh. “Ha! The Avatar will have fun, then!” 

The truth of the matter was reminded to myself and, judging by their faces, many others. We were marching against the Avatar’s personal project in addition to ‘just another rebel force’. The rousing laugh drew a sullen silence from the group. It’s not common for the Emperor to just stroll by and break into laughter at something. The Emperor then asked “Citizens, tell me, what does the Avatar’s personal island look like?” 

One man, the second one from earlier, announced “It’s rubble!”, another man said “In ruins!”, a woman said “It’s charred!” and another man, dressed in a soldier’s tunic, said “It’s ruined from the siege! The Chairman told us to deploy there for counter-batteries against the ships. The Head of the Business Council directly told us that the island was sacred and the ships wouldn’t attack us, Your Majesty.” The man wore his left arm in a sling. “ _ Is  _ the island sacred?” the Emperor directed the question at the soldier. “Legally it was the Avatar’s island and no military forces were to be on it, Your Majesty.” The Emperor nodded along, adding “Just like how New Taku is the sentinel of the holy sites and shouldn’t have an army, right?” The soldier had no response. The Emperor sighed.

His Imperial Majesty is not one to  _ not  _ be given a response. He likes being told information, like most of us, but enjoys the conversation more than all of us. Something about learning from his enemies. I’d guess the long winded Palace talks he has with the Court has given him this endurance. Or, also likely, late night bedroom discussions with Her Imperial Majesty after a whole day of enduring Her Imperial Majesty’s endless metalbending and earthbending training.  _ That… facing Her Imperial Majesty, alone, in her bedchambers, after all our training gets her all energized… that must be one difficult challenge. It’s a great way to build endurance. _

“Just so I understand, we, the Empire, us, bombarded the Avatar’s house. But his house was also being used as a military emplacement. A military emplacement that a city of  _ peace _ was militarily defending with it’s  _ army _ . Am I right? Oh, and what was his house like? Nice and fancy like a  _ siheyuan _ ? Or… no, no-” the Emperor wagged his finger, as if he was tapping on a table, “-he probably lived in a hut that he built with his own hands which had no furniture or showers.” The soldier looked up at His Imperial Majesty with surprised eyes. “Yes, Your Majesty. It was just a house. One story. No furniture. No amenities. Nothing but these old wooden sticks and pieces of pottery and scrolls hanging around and pendants. Lots of pendants. It was once a house before we installed the catapults.” 

Another unusuality, the Emperor was almost grinning. He resisted the urge to but he almost did. “You installed a catapult on what was once his house?” “The house had to go, Your Majesty. Five catapults. It was the closest piece of land to the ships.” The Emperor pulled on his face and covered his chuckling. Yes. He was laughing. No, we all pretended he wasn’t. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You aren’t. But you’ve got to be. But you aren’t!” and he continued hysterically laughing. When he felt done with his efforts, he pointed at the soldier. 

“What happened to the possessions inside the house?” The Emperor calmed down and focused to watch for the soldier’s response. “The wooden stuff and the pottery was all garbage. The pendants were well-crafted. Does Your Majesty want one?” and this soldier pulled a small necklace out of the bag he was wearing over his back. It featured a large brown disc pendant emblazoned with the three Air Nomad swirly swirls and adorned with three hanging red tassels. The rest of the necklace was made of these wooden beads. The soldier handed it to me, I handed it to the Emperor and His Imperial Majesty reacted… surprisingly. “Wait, you  _ looted  _ the Avatar’s house?” 

The soldier shrugged. “This junk was sitting around, Your Majesty. Some of it looked valuable. I might be able to resell it.” The Emperor took the disc and held it close to his face. He ran a hand over the white coloring. “This… this is a real artifact of the Air Nomads. The…” he looked down at the soldier, his mouth agape.

“You stole real Air Nomad artifacts from the last Air Nomad in existence. You’re such a genius  _ and  _ you’ve broken Imperial law.” He tossed the necklace at me. I didn’t catch it. A different Imperial Guard leaned over and retrieved it for me. The Emperor raised a fist. “Men! What’s our policy on looting?” The rest of us said, in sync, “No looting, Your Majesty!” “Very good! Clearly all of you have more smarts than  _ this  _ man.” 

He redirected his look down at the one-good-arm soldier. The other Imperial Guards and I… we knew what he was going to say. The only person in the Empire who thinks like this, consistently, without exception. “I should have you executed for looting someone’s house.” “It was the Avatar’s! It’s not like he’ll be using it now that it’s rubble!” The Emperor took another deep breath. “I don’t care! The Avatar did not take up arms against us! His property is not yours to poach and sell off at the market! At least, at  _ least _ , if you’re going to steal something, do what the Dai Li do! Take it for cultural preservation! Take a glider and turn it into an analysis of heavier-than-air flight! But no, you weren’t going to hand it over to the Research and Development Department of the Imperial Army, were you? You were going to make a few gold somewhere.” I turned towards my men. “Men… we might have a… you know. Soon.” The other Imperial Guards nodded. “Don’t kill me, Your Majesty!”, the soldier pleaded. 

His tone became one of calm anger. “You’re right. I won’t. Fujiko!”  _ Oh no. Your Majesty. Don’t offer him up as a sacrifice to Agni. That’d be cruel. Just… cut off his head or something.  _ Up rode the brown-robed woman who, we swear, still smelled like the Makapuan bogs. “Yes, Your Majesty?” By then, his tone had oddly changed back to normal and noble. “Take your best firebenders. Get up the side of the Gate. When we send a signal, fire blasts of our own, light the greatest fire the Empire’s ever seen!” “What of the soldier?”, she asked softly. “You’ll have more to claim by nightfall.” Fujiko turned around and retrieved some of her fellow Sages. 

The soldier had bowed over and awaited his decapitation. After all, the Emperor implied death. “Soldier, why do you bow before me? What did you do?” The rest of the fifty-person group started vouching for him. “He killed the other guards to let us out!” “He told us when they’d strike!”, among other claims.. The Emperor slowly nodded. “Very good then. Soldier, which is your sword-arm?” “The one I can still use, Your Majesty.” and he raised his right hand as if to help confirm this. 

The Emperor brought his nodding to a stop. “Very good. Men, take off the last knuckle of his left hand’s pointer finger.” I needed clarification on that. “Cut off the last joint of his left hand’s pointer?” The Emperor groaned, “I’m doing it myself, you hold him down,” dismounted his ostrich horse, and pulled his dagger out. “You lose the finger or you lose your head.” “But… why, Your Majesty?” the deserter asked. 

“You were a looter but you saved the rest of these people. Justice is fair. Looting would get you killed, saving the rest of these people would earn you praise. One finger is not much of a compromise.” At first, the soldier relented. As did the rest of the mob. They didn’t seem to want it, but they also didn’t have much of a say. Chen, Deng and I got off and grabbed the one-good-armed fellow and the Emperor, being a man of his word, carried out his own decree. The man’s finger was cut off and, get this, the Emperor even demanded we tie the wound up. “You were a criminal but you served the Empire well.” Once the wound was tied up, the Emperor pulled a single gold piece out. “For saving others.”

When the cordon of soldiers was finally lifted, the group of people gathered back around the nine-fingered man. The Emperor, having remounted, addressed the ground. “We will offer you all safe passage east. Be warned, the holy town is inhabited by enemies of the Empire.” The first woman from earlier, speaking for the rest of the group, asked “How will we get through, then?” The Emperor looked around, at us, at the Makapuan officers, at Guiren, then back down at them. “Camp here. A choke point between the mountains.” He then waved over one of the Makapaun militia leaders. “Two hundred good firebenders, block up the eastern pass. After we capture this city we’ll wheel around and reinforce. Or I’ll have Admiral Zhe’s men do it.”

The group, even the nine-fingered man, were thankful. They sang praises to His Imperial Majesty. They walked east and we marched west. Only the Emperor is the kind of man who treats his enemy’s property with more respect than they do. Curious of this, and wanting to ask a question most of the men have mumbled and never dare asked, I directly confronted the Emperor on this matter. “Is the Avatar our enemy?” 

The Emperor didn’t glare at me, he casually replied with brimming confidence. “If he chooses to stand against traditional laws that say that New Taku is Imperial land, or chooses to side with this rogue entity after having denounced Her Imperial Majesty’s claim, then yes.” I tried countering, “He is the Avatar, Your Majesty. Aren’t his past lives-” but the Emperor swiveled towards me. “His past lives are  _ not  _ him. Just like my ancestors are not me.” 

The  _ yunjiwei _ , Zhu, gave me a ‘you should probably be quiet’ look. I didn’t listen to him. After all, the Emperor is an open man.I figured that he’d be receptive to this inquiry. “His past lives have decided the-” but again, I was interrupted by the Emperor. This time, a bit less friendly. “His past lives are not him. They did not flee from their responsibilities.” “Wouldn’t his defendants claim he was just a child, Your Majesty?” The Emperor let out a sharp ‘Ha!’, before replying “And I’m not even twenty. How many of the men in this very army started service at his age when he fled? Most noblemen’s weapon-bearers start at ten or twelve. My cousins started training for combat at six. Of course, none of us wish to engage in a battle at six or ten or twelve, but…” the Emperor paused, “...boys as young as thirteen go off to war. The Avatar is older than thirteen, and these boys don’t have a thousand past lives guiding them, and yet… they still do it.” 

I couldn’t deny that he was right. But I saw the look in some of the men. Namely Guiren’s. There’s something very unsettling about knowing that we were marching  _ on  _ the Avatar’s house. The Avatar’s seat. A truth nobody truly considered until we started rounding the second ‘Gate’. His Imperial Majesty spent a few  _ fen  _ appearing to be in the middle of thinking. None of us interrupted him. 

After this, he randomly burst into continuing his tangent. “You’re going to tell me past Avatars didn’t have hardship? An ancient Avatar with no knowledge of worldly matters beyond his village? The locals think he’s accursed for bending all four elements. He’s used as a weapon by a warlord. He never learns how to speak to his ancestors and dies in the field against a rival warlord. You don’t think  _ that  _ Avatar had hardship? The current Avatar has the freedom to travel from east to west, north to south, and his name is known in every household. Even the men of Xishan-” the Emperor paused and looked at that Xishaner Sage, a.. _ Horn? Was that what they’re called? _ ... and carried on. “-Even the men of Xishan knew of the current Avatar. Right Uzluk?” “Yes, Chief. My brother knew of him and our father before him, even before you arrived.” The Emperor looked at me and nodded, as the Xishaner proved his point. 

“This Avatar is known by all. What hardship does he have? He gets an entire city to live in for free. He gets the power of a monarch with none of the effort. He gets free handouts and free room and board and never has to forage for his own food. All of this purely from his rank with no accomplishments.” I dared to propose a question. “Is he not still the Avatar, Your Majesty?” The Emperor nodded his head towards me. “You are right, my Lieutenant. He is the Avatar. Her Imperial Majesty’s predecessor was also the Earth King. There are few if any who would claim that  _ he  _ did anything to earn his effort.” 

I changed, as I was curious of the Emperor’s thoughts on his fellow monarch across the Sea. “Then what of the Fire Lord, Your Majesty?” “Zuko’s awkward, he’s a bit sensitive, he’s a bit obsessive towards his ideals, but he’s a master firebender and he  _ is  _ blood of Sozin. There are none who can legally renounce that claim. None living, that is. And he has a mentally sound wife who knows her administrative tasks. He’s the fire, she’s the stability. He would’ve earned his legitimacy even  _ if  _ he wasn’t the last candidate. And…” the Emperor took another one of his long pauses, “...he earns my respect, from monarch to monarch, and respect from a former dweller of the Colonies to Fire Lord.” 

_ So he respects the Fire Lord because of strength and fealty _ . I proposed a slightly different question that bore much in similarity with the earlier questions. “Isn’t the Avatar the strongest being in existence?” “He is not. Poison is the strongest being in existence. There are those who roam this continent who have killed hundreds. Men as powerful as the Fire Lord or women as powerful as Her Imperial Majesty. Those people are the strongest. The Avatar is just good at having his title.”  _ His title still has power _ . “He’s the Avatar, Your Majesty. He holds political influence.” 

The Emperor let out a single wheeze. “The Grand Secretariat of Ba Sing Se held political influence. Then the Fire Princess showed up with her dragon and slew him with a single bolt of lightning precisely aimed at his head. She would’ve turned his puppet to ash but she had other ideas.” “Then the Fire Princess is the strongest being?” He had this twitch to his hands and a sharp exhalation to match.  _ I shouldn’t bring the Sacker of Ba Sing Se up. I shouldn’t have, but I did _ . “She may very well be. It’s a good thing… it’s… it’s… it’s… it’s… good, very good, that she’s dead. The leaders of the world would drop like duck-geese on a morning hunt if otherwise.” 

This discussion circled all the way back around to the start with Zhu asking “So what if the Avatar defends New Taku?” The Emperor looked ahead and slightly to the right. We were still a ways to go with rounding the mountain but he looked ahead. Towards the direction of the city. “Then the Avatar will be given the same option all of the Badgermole Throne’s opponents are given. Kowtow and be spared, or be forced to kowtow.” That was the moment many of Guiren’s riders, just behind us, yelled “But he’s the Avatar!” without any of the titling. 

Even we were feeling… strange. Not confused. It’s somewhere between facing the mythical Spirit of Death itself and inability to comprehend what was said. The  _ Avatar _ . Again, I was going to stand for my men, even if the Emperor got upset at me for it. I didn’t think he would. He gets angry, but he never harms his own men. “He’s the Avatar,” I said, calmly. “He’s a coward with special bending powers. Any of you fought at Sozin’s Comet up in Yu Dao?”  _ Yes. I did.  _ A couple others from the Imperial Guard, two of the Lius, Chen, Deng, the older Han, we all said our agreements. “We did, Your Majesty.” He took a longing look northwards, then looked west again.

“The Avatar, master of everything, was struck down time and time again by the Fire Lord. Then the Fire Lord was bonked on the head by a flying whiskey bottle, dared to set foot on dirt and alerted Her Imperial Majesty to his presence. It took less time than to draw, nock and loose an arrow for-” he masked his voice behind his charisma “- _ the Empress to pull three plates of stone out of the ground, entrap the Avatar’s potential killer, and shove a metal-tipped arrowhead through the Fire Lord’s eye! Through the eye! _ ” The entire column cheered at that. “Ten Thousand Years!” and weapons being punched into the air in celebration of Her Imperial Majesty’s success. The Emperor granted the few of us he was looking at a smirk. 

When the cheering subsided, he looked around and continued. Now, he spoke with far more pride and his voice was loud in a way the nobles would find intimidating but still quite soft for all us normal commoners. “Her Imperial Majesty is like a badgermole. Fierce, unstoppable, unyielding, and a good friend to those who know Her Imperial Majesty well. The Fire Lord is like a dragon. Not the most accustomed to practices but hot-tempered and a force to be feared. He’s loyal to those loyal to him while dishing out furious justice to those who are against him. The Avatar is… what is the Avatar? He has airbending marble tricks and quotes idealistic nonsense as his ethics. ‘I’ll never kill!’-” the Emperor said that with a much more nasal voice, “-he’ll cry. Then he’ll cut a Fire Navy cruiser in two and the top half of the tower buckles in on the bottom, killing most aboard. ‘I’ll never kill!’ he’ll cry. Then he’ll turn the ocean rough to sink Fire Navy ships and cause thousands to drown or be crushed by falling metal giants. ‘I’ll never kill!’ he’ll cry. Then he’ll cut enemy balloons out of the sky with airbending. ‘I’ll never kill!’ he'll cry, even when he has no solution for defeating a master firebender. What does he think that does? Did he really think those firebenders lived?” 

I couldn’t refute any of his claims. We’ve all heard the stories of what this Avatar has or hasn’t done. It’s different to hear it from a man who sounds like he’s seen it with his own good eye. The little rein grips with his palms. The little eye movements. He  _ has  _ seen them for himself. This wasn’t going to reassure us, though. It just reinforced that the rest of us have reason to be nervous.  _ A man who isn’t in control of his powers, or a liar who pretends to be virtuous. And the Emperor has a pinch of fear of him _ .

“What happens if the Avatar shows up, whether now or after the siege is over, Your Majesty? Do we even have weapons to fight such a mythical…  _ the  _ mythical…” but I couldn’t finish that question. It’s so  _ it’s the Avatar,  _ how does anyone explain that? “I don’t know if we do or don’t. I’ve got a giant  _ jian _ . His girlfriend can’t stitch a head back onto its neck, can she?” and the Emperor smiled. “But he can bend all the elements!” one of Guiren’s men shouted. There were murmurs of agreements. “He can. People are often intimidated by what they know little about. He’s not his past lives just as I’m not mine.” 

I asked the next question. I cited semi-known knowledge but still something for the Emperor to wonder. “Your Majesty, is he not also your ancestor, Kyoshi?” This was a rumor of debate amongst us.  _ Now _ , the Emperor slowly turned towards me and squinted. I can’t explain why, but it felt like the One-Eyed Badgermole was stabbing a hole right through my chest with his lone  _ eye _ . “I… forgive me, Your Majesty.” Unlike others, to whom I may have been killed that very moment for being so rudely offensive, the Emperor respected my question enough to answer it. “The Avatar is not my ancestor. She would have approached this whole situation differently. She stormed the Royal Palace to get her way, but she also accepted that what was must be and that what was long apart must be consolidated. I…” he paused. He took a few breaths. 

“I think she would side with the Badgermole Throne over this incursion onto our lands.” I can’t place it, but he didn’t sound fully sure of his own statements. This wasn’t going to be noticed by most people, since most people don’t join him for tea and dinner and close companionship. He almost sounded... _worried?_ , or maybe a bit scared? If he was, he knew how to cover it up. “The Avatar _is_ a coward and we will fulfill our Empress’s commands, right men?” and he raised his hand. “I said, we _will_ follow our Empress’ commands! We will march on New Taku! For the Empire!” The rest of the column chanted “Ten Thousand Years!” in support of the call to arms.

None of us wanted to ask him anything. I can’t place it, but whereas other officers with a few exceptions always cover their thoughts with statements, His Imperial Majesty says what he seems to think. He never brought himself up in those comparisons between the mythical Avatar and other monarchs. Had he, there’d be a great case to argue that a nonbender cannot beat a master bender. But, no, he didn’t. Because the Emperor is an honest man. 

All he seemed to imply about himself is that our ancestry doesn’t matter. Which is more motivating than a thousand good speeches. Most of these Imperial Guards  _ are  _ nobodies or were nobodies until they joined. Most of the Empire are nobodies. We’re nobodies led towards New Taku by a nobody who's now somebody who  _ knows  _ what being a nobody is like and understands us nobodies. That’s something no nobleman or noblewoman will ever understand. Ironically, it may be why he understands the current Avatar. The Avatar is rarely a descendant of a past life. A few Avatars are born nobles, most are born peasants like the rest of us. 

However, one nobody was gifted the ability to bend all four elements and do the impossible. The other was a fisher’s son who grew up on a subpolar island and, if the Sages are to be believed, was fated to end up where he did. Most of us would disagree. He’s a nobody and he became somebody. And that somebody now wears special blue armor, wields a giant star-forged blade, and is betrothed to the most powerful earthbender of this era. And under his service, under his retinue, none of us are nobodies. This self-reflection I wondered came to a precise end as the vanguard of our military column  _ finally  _ rounded the second Gate. 

We finally, after weeks, had a view towards the city of New Taku.

New Taku. The Colonial woman, that guide, called it “The New Jewel of the Mo Ce.” The Emperor huffed. “For a jewel, it is filthy.” Like many other things, His Imperial Majesty was correct. 

The City of New Taku was ugly. Twenty grey pillars stood like spires for a new type of spirituality. Countless tall apartment buildings, built in near identical style, rising in front of what we could barely make out to be the old retaining wall. There were no exquisite colors like in Ba Sing Se or even Caldera. Sand tones, light browns and light greys for the buildings. Dark browns, dull pinks, faded greens and lackluster yellows. There was nothing attractive about the city. A hundred little smoke plumes rose around the city, evidence of what we were soon to see with our own eyes.

Even from out here, the faint shockwaves of artillery shells could be heard. Puffs of smoke billowed from along the shoreline. Zhu asked “They’re still bombarding the city?” towards the Emperor while all of us looked ahead. “They were never ordered to stop, Zhu.” “Isn’t that a waste of shells?” Zhu wondered. “We are the Empire. There are many things we can’t do, but mass-produce is not one of them. Each of those ships is loaded with shells and only the Vice Admiral knows how many storage ships are in that fleet.” I had little of an idea what he’s referring to. Almost spontaneously, the Emperor looked up at the hill to our right, a foothill found at the base of this ‘Gate’ mountain, and snapped his mount’s reins up there. “Bring the Colonial telescopes!” he shouted as he bolted into the scrub. I could only repeat the order, then race after him.  _ Must you always charge on ahead, Your Majesty?  _

This hill was probably a couple hundred feet higher than the valley we were marching through. The top of the peak was barren and the treeline was far enough down that we had a full view in all directions except east since east was just the forested base of the second ‘Gate’. His Imperial Majesty muttered “It’s beautiful, Taishi.”  _ He called me by my name. That’s… that’s nice _ . “Your Majesty, I can’t  _ see  _ anything.” I couldn’t. I was looking west but he was the one holding the telescope, not I. Not that I wanted it, it’s the Emperor’s telescope. 

Of course, because I sounded like I needed something, the Emperor delivered. “Come on attendants, grab the Lieutenant a telescope! He’s earned it!”. One of His Imperial Majesty’s personal attendants, Lanfen, she travelled all the way from Ba Sing Se and still wore the same dress embroidered with flower designs, a dress originally gifted to Her Imperial Majesty but rejected for having a flower pattern, handed me a telescope. I watched how the Emperor handled it and figured out how to open it. I drew the tube back and looked through it. 

“Where am I looking, Your Majesty?” The Emperor proudly shouted “The coastline west of the city!” I moved the telescope up to the coast, then across. “Above the coast! Ships, Lieutenant, ships!” I don’t know if the Emperor was looking at me and encouraging me where to look, or if he was just that motivated. Eitherway, I moved the telescope up a little further and spotted what he was looking at.

A line of grey-black ships. A semi-circle of them. They were far enough away that I couldn’t make out any of their details beyond what I’d see in a silhouette. The command tower, the icebreaker bows, and amidst them all, the flat deck of the giant  _ IEN Dongfang _ . She was three regular Fire Navy cruisers long, easy, and packed a punch. A small dot was coming in to land on her deck. Just after it did, the front of her ship…  _ shook? _ . Something happened. I lowered my telescope towards the city but I didn’t need to see it. I  _ felt  _ the shockwave vibrate all the way out to us. It was faint. It would be insignificant otherwise. The  _ boom _ was insignificant. The cloud of dust and smoke kicked up was far from it. 

The Emperor treated the ship like a professional wrestler “ _ Dongfang _ ! Use those expensive artillery pieces we strapped to you! Use ‘em! Yeah! Blow that house into the sky! Go  _ Dongfang _ !” It makes some sense, His Imperial Majesty has spent a large amount of time around a professional wrestler and cheering her on. He broke his Emperor-self to jump up and cheer, including an air uppercut punch, his capital ship on. Now, I’m not going to tell anyone this, but it’s humorous. Monarchs don’t uppercut the air and cheer on ships. “Blow it up! Blow it up!” then when a shell landed, “Yeah! Go you, you giant metal hunk of metal!” Then again, monarchs also aren’t sons of fishers.  _ Yet another reason why the Emperor was a one of a kind.  _

His Imperial Majesty didn’t allow this brief moment of respite to distract him from the goal at hand. “Right there, Lieutenant. Right there is our target. We can’t march on it now, but right there is our target.” I don’t know what he wanted me to do other than agree. I did something else instead. “If Your Majesty isn’t going to march on it now, will we set up a camp?” “Very clever, Lieutenant.” Then he walked up to me and gave me a pat on the shoulder. I could see the individual hairs on his beard. 

“I could spend all year staring at that city, or I could go draw up the plans to take it.  _ Let’s take it _ .” Then he handed the telescope to Lanfen and hopped on his own ostrich horse without anyone else’s help. And, yet again throwing off the whole point of having bodyguards, he bolted off the hill and down towards the halted military column. Sergeant Cao gave me a look. “It’s not my fault I’m not the Captain of His Imperial Majesty’s Imperial… Kyoshi Warriors?” and I shrugged, then quickly hopped on my own mount. “I think they’re just Kyoshi Warriors, ‘Shi,” he replied while snapping his reins after me. “Imperial Kyoshi Warriors sounds much better.” “Do you  _ really  _ want to debate the four hundred year old organization?” “No, Cao. I do not. But it’s not my fault I can’t just lunge after an ostrich horse or tackle a man with a flying side-kick.” “That’s not tackling, Shi, that’s kicking someone.” “I’m not a teenage girl, okay?”  _ Something like that, yeah _ .

Formality returned to the usual as we reformed at the head of this column. The Emperor jokingly calls it ‘the gilded arrowhead’. Now, most people have absolutely no clue what he’s referring to. I think he thinks that because the Imperial Guard wear gold, we’re gilded. As we rode over there, I thought to ask him. “Why does Your Majesty call us the gilded arrowhead?” He sighed, as if my question was stupid. “It ran off my tongue well. Like Imperial Siege Cannon Mark Two: Longer.”  _ I won’t lie, that doesn’t sound like it rolls off the tongue _ . “Why does that name roll off well?” “Lieutenant, I spend my nights in the confines of a bedroom trapped with a person who will not stop making jokes about artillery pieces. Her Imperial Majesty’s Imperial… ideas… rubbed onto me like her sweat onto my skin.” Again, I have the feeling the Emperor didn’t intend to confess that. The proof was that he pointed at me and, far louder than before, said “You did not hear what I just said.” So I nodded along. I didn’t. Nobody did. We can just pretend it was not said. That was easy enough. 

We rode into a meadow between a row of forested hills and the foothills behind us. This happened to be a particularly large meadow. It wasn’t the first we spotted but the scouts that updated the Emperor every other moment said it was one of the last before the Plains of New Taku. The Emperor took to standing on a small mound in the middle of the position and declared “We are not camping for the night. We are halting for lunch!” 

This was shortly followed by Fengji, the old man, getting off his mount and shuffling towards the Emperor while the latter was sitting down on a tea chair. I happened to race over in time to, one, do my job as being at his post and two, listen. “Eat lunch, Your Majesty, we _have_ no lunch.” All I could think was ‘what?’. The Emperor had the same face I had. “What do you mean we don’t have lunch, Fengji?” “Most of the provisions are gone. We’ll have enough to feed all the officers proper lunches and dinners or-” but he was cut off by the Emperor’s squint. “ _Do we have enough_ to feed everyone the same portions?” The elderly man staggered in his voice. “We… do, Your Majesty.” “For how long?” “We… can we… we can feed everyone the same portions but they won’t be that much. A tiny bowl of rice or grain and smoked fish meat. We’ve got enough for two days on such small portions.” The Emperor stood up. “Then give it out to everyone else first. You’re officers. You can wait your turn. I’ll wait for mine.” and he waved the Sergeant General away. The Sergeant General bowed and departed.

Not long after, he sat down and put his chin on his hand. “Your Majesty, is there anything…” “Yes!” he pointed at the sky. “Yes! I want us to finally do it!” “Do… what?” I asked unsure of what he could be referring to. “Everyone finally gets their chi-enhancing tea. It fills the stomach, does it not?” “I… it gives a great boost. It does, Your-” he interrupted me and walked past. His wolf-dog followed him and I almost tripped on the auburn-coated throat-ripper hand-licker. 

We had lots of Makapuan and Colonial firebenders that made fireplaces -and the whole task of setting them up- unneeded. The tea pots were boiled and loaded with chi-enhancing tea. The Emperor was going to give it to everyone after appetizer tea until he was interrupted by something else. A messenger hawk that came from somewhere to our east. A messenger hawk with a scroll that, as always, I refused to read. All I knew was it had Her Imperial Majesty’s personal seal on it. I handed the oddly small -normally written on much larger parchment- scroll to the Emperor while he sat down to sip his appetizer tea. 

We will never know what that scroll read. We could only judge by the flurry of reactions he had. They went from normal, his calm and collected sense of self, to uncommon, like widening his good eye, to odd, like touching his eyepatch, to absolutely strange, like calmly placing the tea down, bowing to the rest of us, then strolling off into the woods with just Nan to follow him. The other guardsmen and I were unable to produce words. “Did he just…” I cut Cao off. “Yes.” “Leave?” “Yes.” “Stroll away.” “Yes.” “Walk into the woods?” “Yes.” “He looked like he was about to cry.” “That’s not something a…” but I wasn’t going to say it.  _ That’s not something an Emperor does _ .

Repeatedly hacking into a tree with a  _ jian _ is also not something the Emperor does. The sharp cutting sounds made two dozen of us Guards run over to their source. Hacking and chopping and yelling words we were incapable of figuring out. All… at a tree. By the time we got there, the tree had large cutting marks in it and the man we were charged with protecting was panting heavily. “All of you… grab your tea…  _ drink _ your tea… and pray.”  _ Pray?  _ We looked at one another, then looked at him, then looked at once another.

Nobody else said it, but I was going to. “Your blade, you’ll damage it.” He looked down at his blade. It wasn’t damaged. He was red with either fury or depression or both. His face was marred with tears. In a commanding booming voice, he yelled “Tai… shi. My  _ blade  _ has no meaning. I… told you. Grab your drinks and drink and pray and pray hard and pray for all the… protection… all the… protection. Pray for… Go! Leave me here.”

The rest of us looked at one another. Nobody understood what we were looking at. Nan looked up at his companion and whined softly. “Taishi!  _ Go _ !” Orders were orders. I bowed to him. “Yes, Your Majesty.” The other Imperial Guards also bowed to him. We turned around and slowly walked away. Everyone was...well I was shivering. The wailing shout of “Taishi!” made me freeze in place. “Yes, Your Majesty?” “Get me what’s left of my Clear Whiskey and the chi-enhancing tea! One flask to each!” I couldn’t believe his yelling demands, but still, I complied. “Yes, Your Majesty!” 

Nobody knew what was happening and nobody could explain it. The Emperor? Teary? Cutting into a tree? Shouting at his own men? Commanding shouts to  _ pray _ ? I was ordered to grab him two drinks and I went and obtained both drinks. I brought him the chi-enhancing tea in a pouch before I or any of the other guards drank up. He took the drink and downed it all in a single protracted sip. Then he tossed the flask back at me. I caught it and went back out into the meadow. The men were packing up camp. 

Rumors were spreading over what got the steadfast Emperor to be so… shocked. “Have we been outflanked?” “Have they broken the back of Song’s forces?” “Are they raiding His Imperial Majesty’s home islands?” “Was Song killed?” “Was How killed?” None of us knew. None of us  _ could  _ know. We kowtowed towards the capital and did as His Imperial Majesty demanded. We prayed. To our ancestors. To Her Imperial Majesty. To anyone. For once, I felt like joining the Makapuans, since… if the Emperor was acting like  _ that _ , then the fire-worshippers might even have a point. The Makapuans accepted us and, for once, didn’t blast the forests with their shouts. 

After we prayed, we drank up our tea. Small portions of chi-enhancing tea but it was enough. I felt the tea kick in immediately. I felt energized, like I had just woken up from a long restful sleep. I felt more alert in both my eyes and ears. My steps felt longer and my arms felt as though they swung faster. 

Soon after, an eel-hound rider arrived. An eel-hound rider from the east, carrying the pennant of the Imperial Navy. He had a scroll for the Emperor from the Admiral. I dared to go back over to the Emperor and give it to him, and so I did. I found him in the forest and handed him the scroll. In a moment, once more, his eye flashed through a dozen different emotions before shoving me away, “ _ Get out of here _ .” 

Some time of packing up camp later, The Emperor, teary in his one good eye, emerged once more from the forest. He walked faster and his tone was somehow even more imposing than before “Men… men and women. Get over here all of you!” We were mostly mounted up at this point, but we dismounted to run, not walk, over to the mound. We were Imperial Guards in gold-and-green armor, we were Guiren’s riders in thick padding and plumed helmets. We were Makapuans in their furs of brown. We were Colonials in their old armor. We were Xishaners with large cheekbones and red-and-black dyed furs. We were men and women as young as the Emperor and as old as Song. And we gathered around the Emperor while he rested on the scabbarded tip of his  _ shuang-shao jian _ .

“Men...women… heed the… heed the… Emperor’s words! Kneel, all of you!” Us Imperials fell into kneels. The Colonials followed suit. Then the Xishaners. Finally, the Makapuans, seeing the rest of us do it, joined us. “How many ostrich horses do we have left?” The old Fengji replied for the rest of us. “Four thousand, five hundred, and ten, Your Majesty!” “Good. Very good. That’s a lot of men.” Then he looked over at Guiren. “I want all your riders who still have mounts to go east. Take the Colonial guides with you… go around the holy town, get to the next river crossing, and get to Fangjin!” I looked around at the men and women. Most everyone was in a state of shock. ‘Leave’ was the word we were all thinking, but nobody said. Not even I.

Instead, Guiren countered with something slightly different. “Your Majesty, if we leave Your Majesty behind…” but the Emperor raised his hand. “Sergeant General. General Song is nearing the Colonial lands. He needs  _ you _ -” and the Emperor pointed his finger at the commander of riders.  _ So that’s what it is _ , I thought to myself. “Why don’t we all take New Taku?” “New Taku is… five thousand men, that’s enough to take the city.” Most people didn’t pick up on this, but the Emperor sounded like he was lying.

I could’ve lost my head for this, but I didn’t care. I got out of my kneel and walked up to the Emperor. While he watched me with his glare, I whispered “What’s the meaning of this?” The Emperor, in front of the entire gathered army, grabbed me by the shoulders and looked straight into my right eye. He harshly whispered “ _ I have a strategy _ .” But before I could say anything, he pushed me away. 

“Heed the Emperor’s commands!” he shouted, silenced any whispers of inquiry. “All riders will head east. Smash the rebels on the way, and make for the Shen Dukou crossing, do you understand?” Guiren looked at me, since I had just engaged in a conversation too quiet for anyone else to hear. “I do, Your Majesty,” the Sergeant General replied. “Anyone else with ostrich horses, join Guiren eastwards. Take most of the food. Rider’s aren’t needed in a siege, after all.” The men and women looked amongst themselves. We obeyed his command.

Within a few  _ fen _ , Guiren’s men complied. At one point, the Emperor walked up to the Sergeant General and whispered something to him. While the man looked like he was going to faint, the Emperor grabbed him. All I heard from his was the Emperor saying “Promise. Keep it.” The man, on the verge of tears, forced himself into a kowtow. “I will, Your Majesty.” Then the Emperor had him rise. All the remaining men of his, only three thousand, along with a few hundred Colonials and Makapuans, rode eastwards towards the Gates. They’d then ride further east and swing around the holy town and make for the Shen Dukou Crossing.

Not long after Guiren’s forces left, the Emperor ran up to me while I sat, alone, praying. “Lieutenant. Can you have your men dig a giant trench between one Gate and the other Gate?” I blinked. “What, Your Majesty? Why a large trench?” “The New Takuans are going to sally. We can’t outrun them. A large trench would prevent them from giving chase.” “I thought you sent all the ostrich horses away,” I countered. “The Imperial Guard and I still have ours. And  _ you’re  _ going to take the Imperial Guard, and you’re going to dig that large trench.”

This was when I chose to confront him. “Your Majesty… we’re going to die.” The Emperor nodded. “We’ve got five thousand soldiers, Lieutenant. We won’t be needing any riders for this battle.”  _ What?  _ “That doesn’t make any sense,” I countered. “I want the Imperial Guards to dig that trench to prevent anyone from crossing over to the Gates. If we win this battle, then we can fill it in. If we lose the battle, then the trenches will make for another barricade they have to get through.”  _ He’s not talking about us winning, is he? _ “What was in that letter?” “Gather the men, Taishi. We march out. Now. While they’re still staggered.” “Your Majesty?” “ _ Now _ . Gather your men.”

The soldiers were gathered into marching formation, and we set out towards the city. I refused to go. The Imperial Guards refused to leave. I sensed that something was up. I sensed that something in that letter…  _ something,  _ I couldn’t put my finger on it, but judging by how the Emperor reacted, I knew something had happened. However… we’re loyal to our Emperor, so we followed His Imperial Majesty as he rode on his ostrich horse. 

When we got to the next meadow, a much smaller one, the Emperor stopped the column to summon some Makapuan Sages. This man, Tadashi, showed up. The Emperor whispered something to him, and the Sage took his waterskin and poured  _ oil  _ onto the Emperor’s  _ shuang-shao jian _ . Then, this wasn’t a whisper, the Emperor yelled “Light the signal!” and some Makapuan earthbenders punched these green flares into the sky, exploding a few hundred feet above us. Then, he waved over Tadashi again. He whispered something to the Sage. The Sage nodded, gathered five others, took some ostrich horses, and rode westwards. 

We marched back into the forest again. Only some five thousand soldiers and a few camp followers remained with us. Sixteen Xishaners, ninety five Imperial Guards, two thousand Colonials, and the rest Makapuans. The chi-enhancing tea made us march at double-speed. It wasn’t lunch, but it was a great alternative. Nobody asked what the Emperor was thinking, as we were busy marching on the capital. We took to singing the same marching songs as always, “Imperial Army is the Strongest” being the most popular one. 

I’ll never forget the final chorus, sung at marching pace, with Chen leading us in the place of Ning. “ _ Let the Imperial Army! Take on it's campaign! A dao with its war-hardened hand! And now we must all! Unstopped by their flames! March into one last deadly stand! _ ” We only stopped singing it when we finally emerged from the last groves of trees and onto the coastal plain.

  
  


New Taku was straight ahead of us. The city was now clearly visible. The block of roofs became a block of houses. The houses were exactly as ugly as they appeared to be from a distance. Four stories, five, six, all in dull yellows, clays, browns and grey stone. The roofs were made of cheap clay shingles, not even colored differently. The factories’ chimneys towered over the rest of the city. The fire from all the bombing and shelling hadn’t ceased and made the city look  _ worse  _ than Caldera. Caldera had features. The Great Gates, the cliffs, the volcano’s ascent. This city was built on the edge of a peninsula with giant snow-tipped peaks forming a barrier to any who try to enter it. The city was flat. Flat and boring. And we were coming upon a flat grassy field. A flat grassy field covered in red flowers.

We stopped just outside of the forest, which looked some five  _ li  _ from the city. The Emperor turned towards Fengji. “I want our earthbenders drawing up trenches and earth shields. While the Imperial Navy commences with the assault… any  _ fen  _ now, we’ll hit their walls. I want soldiers inside the city once the ten  _ fen  _ are over.” Fengji nodded and began shouting orders “Get some trenches going, Sergeant Zhiqiang!” while the other officers replied with “Yes, Your Majesty!”s. 

At the same time, His Imperial Majesty waved me over. “Yes, Your Majesty?” He grabbed my shoulder, leaned in, and whispered, sniffling, “ _ The letter? Ba Sing Se burns. My dear Toph’s… been overthrown. We’re going to take this city and you’re going to keep your mouth shut, you hear me? _ ” I gulped. “Yes… yes, Your Majesty.”  _ Overthrown?  _ “So the Empire has-” He stared right into my soul with that squint. “Yes, Your Majesty.”  _ It’s fallen.  _

The few of us on mounts dismounted. The Emperor turned towards us, still in column formation, and shouted “Men, the siege will begin by dusk!” There weren’t any cheers. I was looking at Fengji when the old man’s mouth dropped and his pointing hand fell to his side, like he’d been hit with a shirishu dart.

“There’s not going to be a siege, Your Majesty.” and the man’s feet refused to walk forward. The Emperor looked at him like he was about to cut his head off with a single swing of his blade. Instead, he followed the General’s gaze. The Emperor turned around and the rest of us looked towards the city with him.

A large column of grey tunics flying the five-starred pennants, riding ostrich horses. Their formation seemed from one edge of the city to the other, and they were charging us. The same unfamiliar horn from the other day sounded.  _ The Water Tribe horn _ .

From our side, men and women cried “We’re not going to make it!” and “We’re going to die!” and “We’re going to be slaughtered.” Others shouted for surrender. I suddenly realized why the Emperor had ordered us to dig a trench.  _ He knew what was coming _ .  _ And he was trying to save all the best men.  _

I was at the Emperor’s side when I watched him twitch, ever so slightly. Certain death was coming towards us. He contemplated something.  _ A motivational speech?  _ His life flashed through his one good eye as the tidal wave neared. “ _ Sage, light it up, _ ” was all he said. 

His Imperial Majesty took a firm grip on his five foot  _ jian _ and pulled it out. 

_ The Imperial Guard swore an oath, an oath to serve Her Imperial Majesty, until death.  _ The ninety of us, that’s all that was left of the Imperial Guard,  _ all that was left of the Empire’s greatest _ , drew our  _ dao _ blades, and ran up to get near our monarch.  _ Now, and until death _ . 

The Emperor put his large foot down and raised his  _ jian _ . His face said ‘ _ There’s no going back _ ’. A Makapuan Sage set his five foot blade aflame. 

Right out of the songs, the Emperor, clad in his personal blue armor, raised his flaming blade. 

The rest of the army scrambled to try and form a battle formation. There was no cohesion. We centered ourselves on the Emperor. Trenches,  _ ha, _ holes quickly placed erratically to his front. Earthen walls were pulled out just in front of him. The whole frontline was quickly consumed by earth walls with some gaps. That only took some twenty  _ miao _ , max. The rest of the army ran over to get behind these shields. Crossbows were loaded, bows were nocked, and earthbenders and firebenders got into stance. “ _ Your Majesty? _ ” one of the Colonials asked, petrified.

“Volley!” the Emperor shouted, his booming voice now pained, like a dying animal. 

Earth, fire, and bolt were sent flying. Chunks of earth, boulders, and blocks, all at the same time, with  _ dao  _ to help us. Firebenders coiled up blasts and punched them from between the walls. Archers loosed arrows over the walls while crossbowmen launched them from thin gaps. The first row of ostrich horses was wiped out. Men were sent flying from their mounts when said mounts were hit by chunks of earth. Men were thrown from their mounts when precise blasts of fire hit their faces. Others were simply killed by bolts and arrows to the heads, necks, and chests.

But another line of ostrich horses simply took their place. And this line of ostrich horses was getting even closer to us.  _ A li? Less?  _

“Volley!” the Emperor shouted, his voice less pained and more… calm. As if he knew what was coming.

I swung my  _ dao  _ and charged up an earth bomb, swinging it over the wall in an arc. It joined other boulders and arrows in hitting the enemy from a higher arc. The fireblasts and crossbows struck them headon. It didn’t matter where they were struck, an earth boulder to the person will kill them near instantly. Likewise, the crossbow bolts, as few as they were, knocked men off mounts. The arrows sometimes struck the armor and did nothing, and sometimes struck the person and stunned them. The fire blasts did far too little, dissipating once they hit the armor. My earth bomb hit an ostrich horse in the head and exploded, sending shrapnel into man and beast alike.

But it was too late. Within a few  _ miao _ , they were practically on top of us. I took charge, shouting “Brace! Earth spikes!” and swung by  _ dao _ in an upward motion. Others joined me. The ground rumbled, like a great beast was going to emerge from it. Instead, earth spikes came out and struck the ostrich horses in their underbellies. Mine went right into the mount, making it buckle and sending it’s rider flying off, only to get his head impaled by a different spike. Last and not least, as they neared our holes, some of the mounts fell into them.

But it was too late. The riders weren’t stupid enough to charge us, instead roughly parting down the middle and making for the flanks. “ _ Walls _ ! Flanks!” the Emperor shouted. I have no idea who did what and if anyone did anything. I couldn’t watch if our flanks were, as my eyes followed the Emperor’s one good eye as he looked forward. 

An army of grey-tunics was charging us. They were armed with shields, spears, pitchforks and  _ crossbows _ . The Emperor ordered “Press the walls forward, hit them before they hit us!” and I looked around in a panic.  _ What’s that command supposed to mean? _ The grey-tunics grabbed their crossbows and…  _ oh, hit them before they hit us _ . But, like everything else, it was too late. I yelled “Volley!” but only a couple men did anything.

Bolts came whizzing through the gaps and struck men and women down to our sides. A firebender had a bolt go into her neck. A Colonial man with a  _ dao  _ took two to the chest. The Emperor had gotten behind cover and avoided any damage. I don’t know if any Imperial Guards were hit. Didn’t matter. The Emperor’s next command was “Charge them! They’re weak peasants!” before emerging from his cover, raising his flaming blade,  _ and charging them _ . Any of us around him followed him forward. 

The grey tunics came to a halt. Were they forming a shieldwall? No. They saw a six and a half Consort’s foot man wielding a five and a half foot  _ jian _ , on fire, like some kind of oversized torch. And they saw the platoon of Xishaners, each almost the size of the Emperor, wearing furs that make them look a full head taller, with lumber axes raised. And those Xishaners were howling. And most of the grey men dropped their weapons and ran for it. Most of them.

The Emperor brought his blade down and lodged it into one of the spearmen. His blade was longer than the man’s spear. The Xishaner’s axes fell upon other spearmen and cut them apart. The Emperor pulled his blade out and needed to only swing it a little bit, the momentum doing the rest. His blade cut right through one neck, then another, then got itself lodged in the ribs of a third. Not that it mattered. The fire billowed like a torch.

These men were like giants and the grey men wanted no part in this. They tried to stab with their spears, but the Emperor simply blocked one spear while pushing himself forward and walking into one of them. His fellowmen cut heads off and buried axes in skulls. The thin skull caps these men wore sometimes worked… sometimes. Shoulders aren’t protected by skullcaps. Nan got a chance to prove his worth, too, diving underneath a spear and biting into one man’s leg. Not long after, he swapped for the jump-tackle, and took to ripping out one grey’s throat. 

The rest of the Imperial Guard fell upon these men. I blocked a spear, then gave a tug on the spear and shoved my blade into the spearman’s neck. Once he was down, I swung my blade around and pulled a small cube of earth out, sending it into the side of a different spearman’s head. I don’t know who else did what, my periphery showed that my fellow Guards were making quick work of men with a tenth of the training, if that even.  _ We’re the Imperial Guards, there’s a reason we’re called elite _ . 

Within two  _ fen _ , couldn’t be more than that, the greys around us were either dead or in flight. But… that wasn’t the end of the battle. I was looking back at our scattered earth walls when he gave one loud shout, “West!”, causing me to spin around and look towards the west. The greys had routed in all directions, sure, which left the field open for us to look west and see something much  _ worse  _ approaching.

A line of blue uniforms with white shields, metal-tipped spears and wolf helmets, came marching towards us. They weren’t in a shieldwall yet, with each shield still being held in running style. It was _then_ that I understood what was happening. I pulled a block of earth out, as did the rest of the Imperial Guards, while the Xishaners took out their bows. A few Colonials and Makapuans had filtered out of our walled formation and joined us. More were joining us every _miao_. The Emperor planted his blade in the head of a downed grey while shouting “Volley!”

A few dozen arrows and earth boulders were launched, flew over our heads, and collided with the wall of blue. The arrows bounced off the shields, with only one striking a person. The boulders, on the other hand, found their marks. They crushed one or two or three under a single rock. Sometimes. Other times the Water Tribesmen raised their shields and blocked the smaller stones. The Emperor even raised his  _ jian  _ and shouted a taunt of some kind. 

  
  


The Emperor stood where he was for a few more  _ miao _ and shouted “Volley!” again. Arrows were sent flying overhead. Except… the shield wall wasn’t budging. It wasn’t being annihilated by a torrent of arrows. It marched forward and shrugged them off. The Emperor saw this and slowly backed up, backing towards the earthen defenses. The rest of us backed up with him, slinging boulders at will towards them.

Back at the earth walls, the Imperial Guard and Xishaners and Nan regrouped at the Emperor’s side. The Emperor, meanwhile, saw that they were charging, and saw our walls, and probably concluded that our walls were perfect artillery. As such, he made a reckless decision. “Throw the walls at them! Throw anything at them!  _ Now _ !”. I, in a moment of confusion, looked at my men.  _ This is…  _ but I didn’t think for long. Soldiers, most of them Makapuans since those were most of what was left, got into stances and punched the walls at a near horizontal angle. 

Just before they could all strike, though, the enemy launched their own ranged weapons.

The shield wall stopped with a horn’s blast, the shields broke apart for a moment, and men tossed javelins and boomerangs out from behind it.  _ Some  _ of our earthbenders succeeded. A few. Their walls were like large catapult stones, and the enemy Water Tribesmen could do nothing to stop a house-sized wall from crushing a few of them. Most walls, on the other hand, hit the ground and bound over themselves to a crashing halt.

Simultaneously, those javelins and boomerangs hit our wide, now exposed, lines. A javelin hit a Makapuan man in the chest. A boomerang sliced open a Makapuan woman’s helmetless head. Another boomerang hit a Colonial’s chestplate, but did nothing as the chest piece was protective. Much more was happening beyond my peripheral vision.

More earthbenders bound forward with strikes, this time using the ground. The enemy locked shields. A few boulders fell onto the shield wall and crushed a man  _ for every ten _ , at best. A few earth columns broke the front of the shieldwall apart. One bender, armed with a large blacksmith’s hammer, struck the ground and sent a fissure down to throw part of the shieldwall off balance. 

At that moment, the Emperor shouted “Volley!” and, because nothing blocked the archers, our arrows could go straight at them. The shaky ground made a few enemies open to arrows. Arrows went through any holes they could find. We couldn’t make them all out, but I’d guess twenty or thirty enemies were struck through the faces, or other exposed parts, where present, and killed. 

The Water Tribesmen didn’t stop marching, though. Horns sounded, men gave orders, and the shieldwall advanced towards us. I shouted the obvious. “They’re too close! We can’t fall back!” The Emperor yelled back “Then we’re not falling back!” I turned around to  _ look  _ back, just in case we needed to… but no. The forest was on fire.  _ The forest was on fire.  _ The Makapuans had lit the forest on fire. Whether this was the Emperor’s plan or not, I don’t know. But the forest was ablaze, meaning we simply couldn’t retreat.

The Emperor pointed his  _ jian  _ at the enemy line of white shields and shouted “Shields at the front! Walls at the front! Guards, with me!”. The few Colonials who had shields brought them up to where the walls once here. Makapuans pulled small walls out to act as shields. But I didn’t watch that. Instead, I and whoever else was around followed the Emperor as he bound off towards the right flank, running like he wasn’t carrying a giant flaming sword.

  
  


While we ran off towards the right flank, the two sides clashed. Both sides’ shields banged together. They tried to chop and stab at our side with large iron  _ dadao- _ like blades, machetes and spears. Our side tried to cut through their lines with lumber axes, blacksmith hammers, plows, sickles, kitchen knives, spears and only  _ sometimes _ ,  _ dao _ blades. Our weapons couldn’t pierce their shields but theirs could cut through ours, if we even had any. Our earthbenders had to fight in close quarters, which is hard to do when tossing rocks around. 

Some smarter earthbenders followed platoon leaders off to the right flank and joined some firebenders as both earth and fire enveloped the right. 

  
  


Our earthbenders joined the Makapuans on the flanks and tossed boulders at the edges of their lines. Our firebenders, of which we had many, punched blasts at the Water Tribesmen. They never set things on fire, but they were a nuisance, and some firebenders were able to charge up large enough blasts that a whole person could be consumed -but not killed, at least not instantly- by flame. Eitherway, they didn’t see it coming and soon enough their left flank -our right, which the Emperor was leading us past- was rolling up in capitulation. 

It didn’t last for long. The Water Tribesmen line was some eight men thick. The last four nearer to the center broke off at a commanding shout and formed a new left flank. The new left flank charged in to relieve their fellow soldiers. And that was just the engaging army. 

The Emperor led us far out onto the right flank. We were the first ones who had the chance to see the reinforcements. The  _ new  _ reinforcements. A soldier yelled “All those grey-tunic men coming out of the town!” and we all looked towards the town. A blob of men washed out of the easternmost buildings like a wave of grey. They were armed with mass-produced  _ ji _ and included some crossbowmen. 

The Emperor made another momentary decision. We weren’t that far from the lines, so when he came to a stop and ordered “We’re going to hit the Water Tribesmen in the rear!”, it made sense. We took a few  _ miao  _ to take some breaths while the Emperor adjusted his grip on his large flaming sword. Then, when we were ready, we started back towards the Water Tribe’s being-enveloped left.

We surprised most of the Water Tribesmen and punched a hole right through their left-center. Earthbenders threw rocks into heads, firebenders plunged fire daggers into necks, and the Emperor literally sliced a man in half with his flaming blade, aimed precisely at a gap in the armor. He struck two men down with a single longreaching swing, then grabbed a third and smashed the man’s neck into the ground, with wolf-dog ripping at the face of a fourth. 

Their head armor blocked our  _ dao  _ strikes, so we went for the arms. I hacked a spearman’s unprotected hand off, then shoved the pointy end into his exposed face. The Emperor raised his offhand and motioned for us to pull out. And just in time, no less. The Water Tribe center was peeling more men off to attempt an envelopment. The Water Tribe left was battered and in full rout, so we’d accomplished our objective.

We spun back towards the clearing and in doing so accidentally found ourselves in front of the reinforcements. A man bearing a dark blue wolf helmet and riding a buffalo yak punched the air with his battle club and yelled “Crossbows!” and the enemy spear wall parted into a three-man spacing. The Emperor noticed this and yelled “Fall back! Loose formation!” but it was too late. The crossbow line emerged and a wave of bolts was sent right at us. Men left and right had their chests impaled. Some were killing shots, some would stick themselves in chest pieces. The Emperor was hit… somewhere, and it took the wind out of him, making him fall forward. His blade lit some of the red flowers on fire while he banged his head against the earth. 

The Water Tribesmen had brought buffalo yaks, and they were preparing to charge us.

The Emperor grabbed the hilt of his fiery blade, pressed himself up, raised his blade once again and yelled “Anti-rider semi-circle! Go!” Some of us knew what he was talking about. Some didn’t. The ones that did, like myself, rushed towards him and raised earth walls facing the enemy. Those of us that didn’t, the Makapuans, formed around the Emperor and his bright armor. Bolts hit the earth and bounced off. Other bolts grazed us, flying just overhead. 

When I finally got to the side of the Emperor, his  _ yunjiwei  _ asked “What’s our plan?” Trails of sweat ran down his cheeks. “We’re… going. To hold.” The  _ yunjiwei  _ said “We’ve got reinforcements ahead and Water Tribesmen behind!” and the rest of the survivors shouted their agreements. “We can either relieve the Makapuans or we can  _ hold _ . That man-” he pointed at the wall, “-the blue-helmed one. He and I… either he dies, or I die.”

“So Your Majesty wants us to charge?” I asked, for the sake of clarity. “No, I want our forces.” He grabbed the pouch from his waist and guzzled all of it, wiping the liquid from his lips. “I want us to perform a tactical retreat. I… we need better… strategy points-” and he pointed towards the clashing lines. “We’re too far… forward, but… retreat… it’d kill our spirits to fight… we must  _ hold _ .” 

So I asked “So you want us to retreat?” “We’re not… we’re not… win.”  _ We’re not going to win, perhaps? _ “How could Your Majesty say that?” I asked, suddenly scared. The Emperor stating it made the prospects much much worse. “Look at the numbers, Lieutenant!  _ We’re  _ going to hold and the Makapuans are going to hold but… a charge...” The Emperor clearly had lost his sense. It was probably a result of banging his head against the ground. One moment, he wanted all of us to fall back. The next moment, he wants all of us to hold. The next, he wanted something of the two. 

We’d never know if he was merely exhausted or not at that moment, for  _ our  _ reinforcements came. The shrill cry of bombs a single blink before the shockwaves vibrated everything. Looking up, a squadron of Imperial biplanes was soaring over. The Emperor pointed up there and sang, well out of tune, “ _ Higher, the king of the sky! He's flying too fast and he's flying too high _ _! _ ” and the rest of us cheered on the Imperial Air Corps’ ‘anthem’. Not really an anthem, more like a challenge to our opponents. The rest of the Imperial Guards, the ones who’ve been present or near His Imperial Majesty’s personal achievements sang the second half “ _ Higher, an eye for an eye! The legend will never die! _ ” The aircraft circled while a dust cloud was kicked up right in front of us. 

The Emperor, certifying his ascent to inebriation, shouted “Men! Break that wall and break that cloud and break their skulls and bring me the Umiak!” before kicking the wall with his nonbender foot. I gave a head-gesture, a ‘come on men!’, and we took to punching the wall at the enemy formation. 

Then we charged. All… sixty… of us. The Emperor, his wolf-dog, the Xishaners and whoever else was still alive. An odd assortment of Colonials and Makapuans. The Xishaners howled like mad as they raised their axes above their heads and charged. This charge’s power was only compounded by the grey center being in tatters. The set of bombs blew multiple large holes in them. Our flying earth plates crushed the rest. 

And yet, the man with the blue helmet and the short beard sat there on his buffalo yak, unwavering. Instead of retreating like most commanders might do, he punched the air and shouted some kind of order. 

The Emperor split a man from head to waist with a single falling blow of his fire blade. The axes of the Xishaners lodged themselves in foreheads. Our  _ dao  _ cut against but not always through the tunics of the greys. His wolf-dog jumped in front of him and ripped an attacker’s arm off. The attacker was then elbowed in the face by the Emperor. I cut a man’s neck, plunged my blade into the dirt and caused a fissure to startle a whole line of men standing in front of me. A Colonial woman took a spear block for me, incinerating the spear with her fiery palms. Then she hit a crossbowman with a stunning fire blast I would’ve thanked her, but she took a crossbow bolt through the side of her head, stumbled, and fell over.

While the rest of us were cutting, blocking, parrying and slicing, the Emperor didn’t care to stop. No, the Emperor brought his blade down, again, and again, and again, as quick as one would swing a knife. He cut through three more spearmen before punching a crossbowman in the face. 

That buffalo yak man, whoever he was, was far less courageous. I saw his eyes go wide as the blue-armored giant of a man hacked his way through the crowd. As the buffalo-yak man fell back, the Emperor let loose a booming roar. “Get back here, you coward! Come back and die! A duel! You and me!” I used the staggering fissure I made to propel myself over some of the greys with an earth pillar. I landed next to the Emperor, bringing the plate I was riding on down upon some grey soldier’s head.

As it turns out, the buffalo yak man had a retinue and the Emperor  _ personally  _ cut a hole into them, first lightning a buffalo-yak on fire with his blade, then pulling one of the retinue off, only to shove his blade into and  _ through  _ the retinue man, who screamed out in peril. Removing the blade, he hacked another buffalo-yak’s head clean off in a swing, only to force his fire blade into the head of one of the wolf helmets. 

He would’ve given chase but he, I and the wolf-dog Nan were surrounded by grey spears. I looked at him and asked “Are we charging?” He simply shouted “I want that cousin-bedder’s head, Taishi!  _ I want the Umiak Chief’s head! _ ” Unsatisfied with this answer, I stomped the ground and raised a semi-circle of earth plates. 

The rest of the survivors found their way into our circle. We raised earth plates and soldiers yelled “We’re surrounded!” There we stood for what felt like days, waiting for our enemies to either break the walls down or hop over. Instead of waiting years, the Emperor shouted “Taishi!” so I turned around to face the bloody face of the Emperor. He had some semblance of lucidity still left in him. “Yes, Your Majesty?” 

He coughed. “Take an ostrich horse, get as _far_ from here as you can, and tell the Makapuans out east… if the fire isn’t lit yet, tell them to holdfast. We will protect those blacksmiths!” I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. _Can’t you see?_ , I wanted to say to him. “We’re in the middle of a battle, Your Majesty!” He pulled some small object, a seal, from his finger and tossed it to me. “Take this, they’ll know it’s from me!” 

I didn’t want to retreat and pleaded with him “But, Your Majesty!” He glared at me with his good eye. “Don’t ‘Your Majesty’ me, get your way out of here!” “But you’ll-” I wasn’t going to say ‘die’ because the men and women were already teetering on the edge of a rout. Not that we could, there were earth plates around us and men taunting us just beyond it.  _ Any moment, those walls will fall and... _

The Emperor proudly cut my thoughts off. “Yes, I will. We are phantoms. Our time is up. But I’m not going until I get my vengeance, Lieutenant!” “But-” he cut me off, “Get out of here. Now. That’s an order, Taishi!” “But-” he cut me off again. “That… is my order. Get out of here. Go.” I wasn’t one to counter him, but I’m also not one to retreat. I didn’t retreat, so he  _ grabbed me _ , grunted, and picked me up. “Get out of here, Taishi.” Just as quickly, though, he dropped me. I was going to ask ‘why’ but the answer revealed itself.

For the last time, ever, His Imperial Majesty regained his formal tone and his well-composed one good eye. Life flashed through him. “Others must know of this battle. My family, back home. Tell them what happened. What you saw and see now. Take my book to Kyoshi Island. You still got it, right?”  _ The record book. _ “Yes, I do.” “Good.” He pulled something out of his chest pocket. “Take this and guard it with your life, Lieutenant.” He handed me a small folded over poster of something. I didn’t know what it was but I took it anyway,  _ my Emperor commands me _ . The men around us pulled chunks of earth out to lob over the walls while the other Imperial Guards physically grabbed the walls and held them together. The greys were trying to bust the wall down and we were trying to keep it.

_ I swore an oath _ . “I’ll do it, Your Majesty.” “Go. May my ancestor and Agni protect you. May my kin avenge me. May I meet my beloved soon.” and he bowed to me. He  _ bowed  _ to me, as deeply as he could. 

I took an earth column, kicked it up and flew over the spearmen encircling the wall. The buffalo yak man had returned bringing a detachment of komodo rhinos. The spearmen either ignored me or took a kick or slice to the face. I felt the effects of the chi-enhancing tea improving my swings and keeping me awake even through all of this. 

Or maybe, I was imbued with… something else. Maybe the whole ‘inner flame’ is real, and Agni’s Champion is real, and that man, that tall man and his tall  _ jian _ , were the light in the darkness, inspiring all of us. 

I don’t know. I felt stronger. Back outside in the first circle, I found a grey’s ostrich horse, hopped on, and snapped her reins. “Go, girl. Let’s go.” 

I was ordered to watch what happened. I,  _ we _ , even… had the Emperor… even had he smashed the reinforcements he would’ve been too late for the main battleline. They were in full rout. Even after our charges and the blasts of fire and boulders of earth, the Water Tribe shield wall was able to break most of us. The Water Tribesmen slowly marched forward. Too slow to catch most of the routers, but then again, most of the people routing were running into a fire.

The entire mountainside was on fire.  _ The signal _ . And the forests to the east were consumed by thick black plumes.  _ That was the contingency.  _

I found a hill to the south of the plains, a hill high enough that I could follow His Imperial Majesty’s orders and  _ watch _ . I looked north and watched. Whatever few ostrich horses we had left were either taken… or dead. I took out my telescope, still hanging around my neck, and used it properly. 

The Colonials; some of them, while retreating, took their blades and fell on them. I saw a woman who was being chased by some Water Tribesmen spin around, kick a blast of fire at them, then draw her  _ dao  _ and shove it right through her own neck. I saw a Colonial man take a fallen  _ jian _ and shoved it into his stomach. I saw a Colonial woman use her  _ dao  _ to decapitate a downed Colonial before using the blade on herself. They were Fire Nation, through and through. And their honor, their fealty, was more important than defeat.

The Makapuans? 

The Makapuans, the crazy fanatical spiritual madmen and madwomen that they were, did not fall back. We’d made fun of them for being too spiritual or too wild, but at the end of the day… at the end of their lives, they didn’t betray the Badgermole Throne. They didn’t betray us, they did exactly what they’d say.  _ They fought _ . 

They rooted their stances in the earth and gave their chants to Agni or Her Imperial Majesty or… who knows. They drew their bows or spears or even a blacksmith’s hammer at one point, and fought. For a moment, it looked like our former left flank would hold. A block of fifteen by eight Water Tribesmen broke off and marched against the loose formation of the Makapuans. The hunters flanked around the block and got a few arrows in. They weren’t obeying volley rules, they just did as they pleased. The Water Tribesmen were harried and picked off but then they learned. They reformed their line into lion-turtle formation and the arrows stopped doing anything. Then they tossed their spears and boomerangs and cut down most of the hunters. The ones that weren’t were slowly driven backwards towards the large flaming forest.

The biplanes spun around above the city. They dropped bombs on the city, and on parts of the battlefield. They stayed away from the close-quarters engagements, or… engagement, since there was only one real one left. Some of the reinforcing komodo rhinos faced obliteration by explosive bolts. Some greys were blown aside and around. 

The blue-helmed leader, ‘the Umiak’, dodged the oncoming biplanes with some tactical thinking. He watched the siege from the safety of the distance and without his distinctive wolf-helmet. What they didn’t see, what most of us didn’t see, was that off the coast, a mist rolled in. The mist concealed the cruisers and the  _ Dongfang  _ herself. I’ll never know what happened to those ships, but the artillery was silenced, even if it was only for the next few  _ geng _ .

His Imperial Majesty’s personal circle was knocked inwards by the komodo rhinos. Men were killed left and right, gored, and yet he stood his ground. His distinctive flaming blade cut a komodo rhino’s head from it’s neck before cutting a passing grey rider in two. The greys charged in, but there weren’t as many of them left. Colonial fire blasts were joined by Imperial Guard boulders and Xishan axes. Rifts were sent out in all directions, staggering the attackers and giving our side a few moments of respite. The komodo rhinos didn’t fare well. 

While they could gore one man, the riders were being pulled off by ours and, in the case of one man, ripped apart by the bare hands of Uzluk. The iconic Sage doused himself in the blood of his opponents. The mere action scared off some of the townsfolk-turned-militia that our side was facing. Likewise, seeing the flaming sword sent most of the militia running away, the moment they saw said blade run right through a human being like a knife and cake.

Likewise, when the riders were dead, it only took a tap, or in the Emperor’s case, gouging out the animal’s hind, to send the beasts barrelling forward and because the only way forward was out of ‘the circle’, they stampeded the attacking greys. I have to imagine this was His Imperial Majesty’s idea and it worked quite well. For a time.

The battle turned against the Emperor, however, when the biplanes ran out of bolts and fell back. The loose formation of the greys could reform. It was after this point that a man appeared at the top of a nearby building. When I say nearby, I mean a thousand feet away. 

He wore a green-and-white court robe of some kind and was flanked by guards wearing Gaoling-style armor and tunics. He opened a fan, waved it, closed it, and conveyed some kind of mass charge command. Because that’s exactly what happened. The komodo rhinos stampeded and they crushed and gored many, but they were also slaughtered or trampled off the battlefield courtesy the Emperor -and his dwindling allies’- strikes. The grey spearmen, unafraid of being crushed now, charged in. They started impaling men I knew. 

Imperial Guards may be experts of the blade and can metalbend  _ one  _ spear, but they can’t metalbend ten at once. The Colonials may be able to firebend, but they can’t firebend in all directions all the time, and their firebending can’t do that much. The Makapuan armor may be better than it looks, but a spear to the face is a spear to the face. Soon enough, most were dead. Most. Not all.

The Gaoling-dressed man on the rooftop raised his fan and all the fighting ceased. The iconic armor of the Emperor, the battle uniform of his  _ yunjiwei _ , his wolf-dog, some of the Xishaners, some Imperial Guards, and a few others were all that was left. 

It was too distant to hear the dialogue exchanged. The Gaoling-dressed man pointed at the Emperor, the Emperor raised his bloodstained -hilt to tip- flaming  _ shuang-shao jian _ towards the Gaoling-dressed man. The Gaoling man maintained his composure, the Emperor did not. I don’t know what the Emperor said to his men, but the Emperor is a pragmatist in battles. 

In a single blink of time, the Emperor dropped his  _ jian _ , drew his bow, and loosed an arrow right into the torso of the Gaoling man. A two  _ miao  _ loose.  _ The quick draw that Song taught _ . Now I saw it. And so did everyone else. The Gaoling man stumbled backwards and fell over, landing in the middle of the rooftop. I don’t know who the Gaoling man was, but his incapacitation and possible death, it was impossible to tell, spurned the enemy forces forward.

This was the end for all who remained and they knew it. The Sages, previously I’d call them fanatical, now they only deserve the highest praises. The Xishaners, our famed enemies, spent their axes until their axes were nothing. Then they picked up fallen weapons and fought with them. The Emperor’s personal wolf-dog ripped apart attackers’ arms and legs. 

And of course, there’s the Emperor. He took a stab to his side but I won’t know if it hurt him or not. Maybe the armor worked. Maybe not. He didn’t seem to care either way. He shoved the whole  _ jian  _ through said attacker, drawing the blade out and swinging in a circle around him, slicing open the throats of five grey attackers at once. 

Their ends came one at a time through dishonorable means. Heads were impaled with spears, cleaved open with  _ dadao _ , struck with multiple bolts, or opened up with boomerangs. The buffalo yak men, the cowards that they were, waited until the very end to charge in. The Sages refused to die until they were chopped apart. The Xishaners, suddenly realizing their doom was upon them, seemed to crave death. They tossed themselves at their attackers with fiery intent until they were struck down. Each took two or three or four to the red field with them and that’s not counting the shock to their spirits when a giant tackles someone.

The Emperor’s priest friend, Uzluk, grabbed some officer from the Umiak’s forces and plunged his loon-grebe hilted dagger into the man’s face, multiple times. When Uzluk was stabbed in the back, he grinned. When he rose again and took an impaled boomerang to the chest, he grabbed a Water Tribesman’s head and broke the neck as his own was slit open. And like that, Uzluk fell. 

In mere moments, as that’s all this slaughter took, three were left. 

The Emperor, surrounded by corpses and those he’d split apart, panting. His wolf-dog, who was still roaring for battle, and a dying  _ yunjiwei _ , who’d been guarding his back until Zhu took a spear to the stomach and crumpled over himself. Two bolts certified his fate. 

Silence came again as the grey circle backed up. They backed up and backed up until the Emperor had a field all to his own, to enjoy being the last one alive. 

He yelled something at his living companion, the wolf-dog looked up at him oddly, so the Emperor yelled again. And again. The wolf-dog ran away from the two and towards  _ me _ of all people. This just left the Emperor and his weapon-bearer.

When the blue-helmed man dismounted, it finally hit me as to what was about to happen. A duel. The Gaoling man likely ordered that the Emperor be taken alive. For ransom? For torture? Would we ever know? And the blue-helmet man, probably being the best fighter around, took the chance to do it. Or maybe the Emperor called his foe out and demanded a duel. I don’t know. I know that the blue-helmed Umiak was a fan of drama, and let the Emperor suffer.

The Emperor grabbed his last friend’s hand, probably for the sake of wishing his final companion goodbye, and collapsed to his knees while the  _ yunjiwei _ succumbed to his wounds and fell limp against the ground.  _ Ju-Jun, you were a good friend. Your father… I don’t know if I can bear telling him what happened to you.  _

  
  
  


The stage was set and the performance could begin.

The Emperor arose once again, his armor dented and bloodied. He used his massive flaming as a walking cane and strode towards the fresh blue-helmed man. The field itself was silent, save for the carrion birds who had arrived to consume their newest food. The silence granted the entire city the chance to watch. And people were. I saw people in some buildings, peering out of their dull-colored shutters and towards the battlefield.  _ All of this is a performance to show New Taku’s superiority _ .

The Emperor’s wolf-dog ran up to my side and woofed.  _ So he wanted the wolf-dog to come to me.  _ The biplanes had returned to a misty ocean. The ostrich horse riders had escaped, as he intended. The mountains and forests burned. The field was full of corpses. The red flowers were stained a bloody crimson. 

And yet, the Water Tribe forces were spent. The grey forces were spent. The Emperor had done it.

The Emperor started humming a tune. I knew  _ exactly  _ what he was humming. It was one of the ‘Hymns’ his Kyoshi Warrior friend had written and supposedly one of the songs he  _ was  _ practicing to sing. A song he’d sing to a young woman who is no longer a monarch, if Her Imperial Majesty is even still alive. To sing such a song at a marriage ceremony that cannot happen, for Ba Sing Se is falling, the Empire falling with it, and we are the last remnants. He’s a man betrothed who lost his betrothal, lost his Empress and lost his Empire. 

But, just as in the folk stories, the One-Eyed Badgermole did not simply collapse in resignation. He had nothing to lose now that he’d lost it all.

As the Emperor prepared for his end, he sang the following, the final lines of the ‘Hymn’, his pained voice well out of tune. 

_ “But if I should lose your love, dear _

_ I don't know what I'd do _

_ For I know I'll never find another you _

_ Another you _

_ Another...you” _ __

He dropped his massive  _ jian _ and drew his normal one. He limped against a man who could run. He raised his blade and blocked the wolf-helmet’s club before striking back against the man, yelling something of a pained cry. The wolf-helmet blocked, parried, and struck him right in the chestplate, stunning the Emperor and staggering his strike. The Emperor struck, the wolf-helmet blocked. The wolf-helmet disarmed the Emperor with a club strike to his sword-arm. 

The One-Eyed Badgermole proved his excellence as a duelist that moment. He pulled a dagger from his waist and plunged it right through the side of the wolf-helmet’s chest. His opponent howled in pain and collapsed to the ground. 

_ Now _ , the Emperor had the upper hand. He picked up his normal  _ jian _ , held it to the chest of the wolf-helmet man, and repaid the Chief’s dishonor with a stab right through the chest and into the waist. 

Now a victor, for the last time, the Emperor raised his hands and let out a roaring cheer. He knew the truth. No matter what was about to happen, nobody could lie, he was stunned and staggered and concussed, and he was  _ still  _ a master duelist, capable of defeating a Chief of the Southern Water Tribe in one-on-one combat.

The greys converged on him, driving him backwards. They dragged the Chief out of the battle and into a building nearby, presumably to try and save the man’s life. 

The greys surrounded him with spears. The Emperor gripped his  _ jian  _ with a war-hardened hand, and, as the song says, marched into a last stand. They tried to stab his  _ legs _ , he parried their blows. They tried to stab him again, he parried some blows and, with a pronounced strike, cut two necks with one swing. They tried again, this time he shoved his blade through one grey’s neck before taking the man’s spear and twirling it like a staff in his sword-hand. 

He kept them at bay and none dared approach the man whose face and entire body seemed to be dripping with the blood of himself and his opponents. He stabbed one, clocked two more on the heads, stabbed through the face of another, hit one grey with the rear of his spear, then lodged his spear in the shaft of one more. He would’ve gone on into perpetuity had he not taken a blow to his hand and dropped the blade. 

His Imperial Majesty grabbed a grey-tuniced man and chomped on his neck. He pulled back and pulled a piece of the neck with him, spurting the man’s blood all over. He tried this again only to get stabbed in the back of the leg and collapse. 

For the man that tried to knock him out, he pulled on the attacker’s spear, forcing the man to fall down, before pulling a dagger from his boot and repeatedly stabbing the attacker in the side of the head and neck. The Emperor screamed something incoherent, and left the dagger in the man.

One, last, time, the Emperor grabbed a  _ jian _ and propelled himself upwards with it. This man would not give up, even with all the holes inside him. He stood up, prepared to fight off the last two dozen of these men, only for one to hit him in the back of the head. As the Emperor fell, he plunged his blade through the chest of one more man.

And the Emperor fell. And he was out. They didn’t kill him, they simply took to picking him up and carrying him out. It took four greys to carry him. The rest, the few of them that were left… they cheered.

They’d won, but at what cost?

The Sun had just begun to set just after His Imperial Majesty was knocked out. I mounted my ostrich horse and the wolf-dog, “Nan, was it?”, he woofed sadly, followed me as I rode east. The surviving greys looted the bodies of the fallen. The carrion birds would eat well tonight. The civilians in the city cheered well into the night. 

They called him the ‘tyrant’, they called him a usurper, they called him many things, but nobody could deny that he, and we, had  _ almost  _ won. I didn’t know if the navy made it out alive or not, I was far too east at that point. I had to wheel around the forests and use a hiking trail. 

I don’t remember the next two days. They were ones of numbness. Everything that transpired that evening, no, that  _ day _ , felt like a dream. The Emperor? Zhu? My fellow Guards? The Makapuans? It was impossible. How could so many good soldiers fall in one afternoon? How could the Earth Empire be routed by a bunch of upstart peasants and their icy cousin-bedding savage allies?  _ How could the Empress fall?  _

I stole food from a forester’s cabin. I did what I had to do. I remember Nan looking at me sadly, as if to ask ‘Where’s’... well I don’t know the Emperor’s real name. Nan was always looking around, whining softly. I had to keep telling him “He’s not coming back.” Nan never stopped looking. Thankfully, the Emperor’s loyal wolf-dog knew me well, and followed me as I rode into the mountains. 

I found myself in Shenshengmu on the third, in a tavern, with Nan at my side. The locals remembered me from when I came through… with a larger force. By the time I had gotten there, the rumors had already spread. “We handed the Usurper her greatest defeat  _ and  _ dethroned her, on the same day!”, the heralds proudly proclaimed as they rode through. The locals were terrified. They knew that a force of Emperor-defeating,  _ One-Eyed Badgermole defeating _ , men could march for the river crossing any day. 

The Mayor wasn’t. He called for the entire Colony, the whole commandery, to garrison the crossings. And the Colonies from the smallest village near  Yuan-Jisicun to the largest town of  Shenshengmu  were going to send what they had west. Because, and I quote, “We will avenge the Emperor”. 

Guiren’s men heard what happened at the Plains of New Taku. The rumors I’m hearing here are that they, in retaliation, sacked the holy town. They put the temples to the torch and strung up the White Lotus members on the walls of the old town. The Mayor tried to flee but was killed at the crossing by some old man. They burned entire neighborhoods in revenge. Holy sites that were under the Avatar’s protection were turned to rubble. 

So here I am now. Sitting in the same tavern later that night. My orders remain. I'm going to go south to Kyoshi Island. The object the Emperor gave me? It’s a painting of him and Her Imperial Majesty, sitting together, stamped with the Imperial Seal. He never explained what it was, but it’s a little painting of the two of them. I’m sure his cousin or his uncle-by-birth would want to see it. 

The locals were and still are quite happy to volunteer their boats, their homes, ‘anything’, said the Mayor, to help me go south and bring this to His Imperial Majesty’s homeland. And, according to this very record book, the sight he and the Empress dreamed of building a home together. He never wrote it, he has it marked in margins of the first page of the campaign book.  _ ‘After this campaign ends, you and I can… go south to my homeland, and build a little stone cottage there.’ _

I had a drink poured for me. Drinks all around, handed out for free. I needed that drink. A few later, I’m retelling the story of the final battle. The last part was key.

“His Imperial Majesty stood once more, his  _ jian  _ in hand, prepared to die against a battalion of New Takuans! And His Imperial Majesty blocked their strikes and gutted them. And His Imperial Majesty charged forward, even as he lost blood, determined to take the whole army down alone. And His Imperial Majesty laid the entire New Taku force low! As His Imperial Majesty fell, he saw that there were only a few enemies left!.” 

The locals cheered at my retelling of events. “To the One-Eyed Badgermole!” they chanted.

Then someone, the Mayor’s wife, she had come down here to listen to the story, yelled “Why not the Mad One-Eyed Badgermole?” and everyone hammered the tables and roared in agreement. Someone, some Colonial, yelled “To the Mad One-Eyed Badgermole! May his insanity inspire the rest of us!” and the rest of the tables boomed. “To the Mad One-Eyed Badgermole!”. They pounded the tables with their fists… and the Emperor attained a new title.

The men and women raised their cups “To His Imperial Majesty!” and then “To Her Imperial Majesty!” 

We drank up and I offered a new toast. Considering the context, and how he marched on even knowing his defeat, I called “To the Last Badgermole!” and the town-goers chanted “The Last Badgermole!” 

I remember looking through this thick campaign journal. Battles and thoughts  _ and there’s so much more to go _ , dozens more chapters, all preceding these. Conflicts and adventures and everything in between. And this whole story’s title? He named it  _ ‘The Wacky Adventures of the Earth Empress’ _ , never giving himself any credit.

I raised my goblet. “And to the adventures of the Empress!” 

“And to the adventures of the Empress!” the Mayor’s wife shouted. The table repeated the chant. “To the adventures of the Empress!” 

We drank up. The two of them may have fallen, and this campaign may have failed… but a hundred million will rise up in their names. Now, and forever. There may be a new ‘King’ of the Earth lands, but the Earth  _ Empire  _ will only ever know two rulers. Her Imperial Majesty, the Earth Empress, and His Imperial Majesty, the Earth Emperor. 

Today, I write this. He never wanted to be a folk hero, but his actions have solidified him as one.

I will return this to Kyoshi Island. The story has just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF ACT I  
> Yes, really.
> 
> Special thanks:  
> -Ahlyae for being the greatest beta tester ever, and reading my chapters well in advance. And inspiring me with at least 2 different chapter ideas with your nonsense.  
> -King Bumi's Heir, because you're a damn good writer and your camaraderie (and comments) is/are well appreciated.  
> -Atlas, because you know that the one true king is Stannis the Mannis with the Plannis. One day you may even read this.   
> -The rest of you who gave me kudos. They motivate me to write more.
> 
> Notes:  
> -Mori's recordbook is not the same as the one in the first chapter, this is a book he took along to record the campaign. Why is it Fire Nation in design? He likes using Fire Nation books.   
> -These first few chapters immediately point out that this is not the standard Mori POV, this is someone else's.   
> -There's supposed to be a mix of familiarity and foreign, as we've been inside the mind of Mori, so we know what he's probably thinking, but this chapter lets us see how others (namely his closest at-present confidant) thinks of him.  
> -This chapter lets us see some of his tangents and references and ways of speaking from a different perspective.   
> -The Avatar's house is located on what, in canon, would come to be Air Temple Island.  
> -Why the jokes before Mori's catastrophe? To help maintain some 'realism'. Nobody knows that, let's say, five minutes from now, they'll get hit by a car. 
> 
> -What's in the letter?  
> -Toph was overthrown. This was the culmination of all her laziness and her anti-noble stance throughout the past 100 chapters.  
> -Why did Mori throw most of his army away? He sent the best men (Guiren's) back eastwards to keep them safe. Why? His men are gaunt and weak and the only people that can go anywhere are the riders.  
> -Mori did not think the battle was lost. However, he knew that there was no going back now. 
> 
> -The time from when they first see the ostrich horses until when they engage is only ~5 minutes. It sounds like a lot longer because of the dialogue, but it's not. That's why everything goes by quickly.  
> -Just to clarify, Mori is 2 meters tall, his blade being 1.5 meters long  
> -Not everything in the battle will be explained due to the POV.  
> -Sometimes, commands will apply to lots of soldiers. Sometimes, they'll only apply to a dozen or so. This is meant to reflect the reality of a single person trying to issue commands.  
> -Note, there are other officers shouting other orders, it's just that we follow Mori and Mori specifically.
> 
> -The Water Tribesmen were foreshadowed multiple times throughout previous chapters (namely, Lao Ge's final comments and Sokka's comments).
> 
> -The 'hymn' in reference is the second of two Seekers songs, "I'll Never Find Another You". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ga9Bs4fzSY
> 
> -Mori has finally, truly, ascended to become a folk hero. His title is not just a title, it is now something beyond.  
> -And, yes, the story has just begun.


	101. The Middle of Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A changed man travels the wilderness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting for a new chapter! More chapters to be published soon.

Chapter One:

I don’t remember when the Sun’s cleansing rays breached the thickets of…  _ I know what they’re called. They’re not just trees. They’re… a kind of cone-like tree. But… what’s the name? _ ... of them. I knew that by the time the rays did, I was gone. Far gone. When I first laid my one eye on the golden disc, I thought I was dreaming.

_It’s so bright. Was it always this bright?_ _And gilded? Did the Sun always look like this? So large? Able to cover everything at once?_ I remembered the Sun, a small disc, like an oversized lantern light that rose, hung high, then sank behind the horizon, not as this all-covering source of golden light. 

I wanted to stop my eel-hound and bask in it’s warming rays. My skin was cold. My hands were cold and clammy. I kept going, thinking  _ I can’t just stop, I’ll get punished for it _ . As if this was all a dream, and if I stopped moving in the dream, the dream would end and I would return to the darkness, where even the brightest light brought a chill with it. I thought about it. I looked around, trying to make sense of the green trees and white peaks, and I thought about it. 

_ No, the dream’s not going to end. I’m a free man.  _ The thought of it being a dream didn’t leave. Either I was free, or this was a dream of me being free.  _ Even the most violent dreams are still dreams. Even the most pleasurable dreams, they’re still dreams.  _

_ I could be in that place, that recurring dream, with the one room cabin by the lake in the mountains. But this isn’t the meadow, this isn’t the lake, this is a forest I’ve never been to. That lake… there was never a Sun in that lake, the sky was just… light out. No Sun. Here there’s a Sun. _

So I stopped my eel-hound, formerly not mine, got off, fell to my knees, and bowed to the Sun as it hung low in the sky.  _ Such a warming embrace.  _ I recited what I remembered of that old prayer to Agni, the part about asking Him for protection.  _ All those books on spirituality and none of them about those crazy mountain Agni worshippers _ .  _ The one faith that stood against all of them.  _

Sure, I was  _ taught  _ how to pray to this Spirit and that one, and ask for their forgiveness, to ask for redemption from creatures that I was told could grant me that redemption… but… I don’t think I need to ask anyone for forgiveness. I looked down at my hands.  _ I don’t need to apologize to anyone, let alone any of those Spirits and their holy selves. I am a free man now _ .  _ I can choose what I want to say and learn. Everything I have done, everything I will do, I will never ask for forgiveness from some divine beast. No. They didn’t stop the deaths, and they won’t stop me now.  _

They could’ve come after me then, and they probably were going to. There’s only so long a deception can last. And yet, the way I saw it then, looking across at those cone-topped trees and the Sun just above them,  _ I embraced it. Let them come. At least death as a free man meant I didn’t need to deal with being ‘asked’ another question.  _ As much as I embraced their oncoming slashes, stabs, incisions and elemental attacks, I was also  _ free _ .  _ I won’t die so easily _ .

_ They may come again. Let them come again. I will die a free man. No more questions. No more incisions. No more attempts to break me. No more confessions. Never again. Never again. I am who I am. I was never allowed to forget. No, no, I must be reminded, daily, of who I was. I was told I was someone I wasn’t. A beast in human form. I was a beast. I was a beast, a clever beast. I could not be tamed. I could not be stopped. I could only be examined. No. No, I wasn’t just some beast. I was a tyrant. I was a tyrant, a beast, I could break a man in two and they said I would. Then you know what, I will. Let them come.  _ I gazed up at the massive golden disc as it lathered me in warmth.  _ Let them come. They cursed me as a wild clever beast. They willed it. I brought justice? No, I brought fury.  _

I mounted the eel-hound and travelled eastwards. I looked around, trying to make sense of where I was. All this green… I didn’t remember if trees were meant to be so bright and luminous. I think the bird that went  _ chick-a-dee-dee-dee _ was the chickadee-thrush. I saw it perching on a tree and watched it nip at a berry of some kind before flying off, off to enjoy a life of… whatever birds do. Birds, their humble little lives, darting from tree to tree, perched on leaves, eating berries, perhaps one day the dinner of a hunter.  _ Or a predator. I wonder what chickadee-thrush tastes like? Does it taste like broth? _ All the time spent looking at nothing, waiting for something, waiting for the next question, it made my one eye good at spotting the little things. 

_ The little things. Like how the trees have… cone-tree needles. And each tree has thousands of them. Tens of thousands.  _ I stopped at one such tree and plucked a needle off to examine it. It felt so comfortable to twirl. Sure, the tip poked my skin, but I didn’t even notice.  _ Such a lovely unassuming leaf _ . I held it up to my eye to look it over. The little needle had a little spine.  _ I wonder how good this is as gouging an eye?  _ Alas, the stupid eel-hound moved and I dropped the little needle. I wasn’t going to grab it. The trees, the leaves, the Sun,  _ I have a long way to go… to get somewhere _ . 

But where was I? As I beckoned my mount onwards, I tried to look around for answers. A forest surrounded me. A forest of these cone-topped trees, trees that _felt_ warm and homely to me, but whose names were lost to me. Behind me sat a ridge of mountains. Somewhere behind them, or maybe inside them, it’s not like anyone was ever going to tell me, sat my confinement. Some kind of mountain, once a mountain, ringed by mountains. _There was a village, right? And watchtowers, right?_ _All of that was a blur._ I knew that where I was now, it wasn’t even a road, it was some kind of trail.

After the Sun rose, I made a right and went down through a random section of thicket. Then, when I got to a game trail of some kind, I made the left and went along it. Only when the forest gave way to a meadow could I stop, turn around, and note that one, the Sun had risen, to which I fell to my knees and gave my prayers to Agni, and two, that the mountains were behind me.  _ Behind me. More distance. More distance between us. Allow me to choose a better place to fight my last stand. Or, better yet, escape. If I can. If I can. Otherwise, let them come.  _

I went on for another unknown amount of time. I’d forgotten how to count time while in my confines. As for nourishment, I had managed to grab all the food that I could before my departure, and stuffed it wherever it could go.  _ Wherever it could go _ .  _ Wait.  _ I looked down.  _ I’m still wearing the clothes of a guard.  _ I brought along other clothes just for this purpose. They weren’t fancy, but a simple brown robe and a pair of pants rolled into an improvised rucksack would have to do. 

Eventually, around…  _ noon?, noon, right? _ ...  _ It felt like noon, _ the eel-hound and I came upon a river. If I was lucky, the inevitable small army of shirshus would get thrown off by crossing what turned out to be a frigid river.  _ A cold river.  _ I turned around and noted that the white on top of the mountains was  _ snow. That’s why. It wasn’t clouds, it’s snow _ . That meant I was  _ somewhere  _ in the north… or south.  _ Or center, but it was mountainous. The Earth Empire is massive, they were happy to have me remind them.  _

_ They can’t chase me forever,  _ I thought as I looked at this wide river. So… the guard’s clothes met the fate of getting tossed into a rapid. If I was lucky, the trackers, when they’d come,  _ and they’ll come, when they find out, they will come _ ,  _ they will come and they will come for their untamed beast of a man, I know they’ll come,  _ would see bits of armor and… hopefully go down the river. I dunked myself in it a few times, hoping all the stupid perfume I was wearing would wash off with it.  _ Sure, I call it stupid, but it saved my life _ .  _ I was wild. They wanted me nice and perfumed. I was happy to comply. I did what I did.  _

If the river didn’t throw them off, then the next…  _ dian? _ ... of time running over bogs would have. The eel hound kicked up enough muck to give me a bog smell that was both a distant memory and comfortably familiar. I couldn’t place  _ why  _ I liked the smell of mud, or cone-topped trees and mud, but I did.  _ It’s such a nice smell. The two go together so well.  _ Besides, our path had nothing to do with a hunting trail. An expanse of bog after bog after bog after bog with a few groves of trees acting like islands in between. All these bogs told me that this was an estuary of some kind. 

If it was an estuary, that meant the coast was somewhere nearby. The river had been running from my left to my right as I travelled. _So if I’m going to the east, it’s towards the south. There’s no way to know I’m heading east._ _It could also be the north._ That was also assuming the river ran straight, not winded around. If this wasn’t an estuary, or if the river wound somewhere else, then I’d just be running circles around myself. Now… I did do that while crossing these bogs. Not because I wanted to find a way out towards the water, but because that was just another way of potentially throwing off the shirshus’ scents. _Anything I can try, it could work for all I know._

I didn’t know if I’d escape them. “Please, Spirits, if any of you don’t want me dead… kill my pursuers.” Considering none of the Spirits showed up to toss a snowstorm at me like they did last time, I took it to mean that they probably didn’t care. Which… I would be glad if they didn’t.  _ I aggravated the Spirits. That’s what they kept telling me. I aggravated them and I was supposed to plead for my redemption. I was supposed to pray and pray.  _ But… now that I was free,  _ I don’t care if I aggravated them. Give me time, I’ll aggravate them even more. Let them come. Let them come with a snowstorm. Let them try. _

Afternoon came. With it, the bogs turned to meadows. Easier to navigate. Not much easier to look around in, as the bogs were vast plains of uncrossable terrain with islands of trees, and the meadows are islands of plains in the vast forest. Still, my eel-hound was fast. Fast enough that a new feature rose ahead of me. A string of low peaks with only four snow-topped ones. I tried to think back to history.  _ Shirshus aren’t perfect. They’ve escaped their handlers.  _ In a meadow with no name that nobody would ever think of, a meadow that would never be remembered, I brought my mount to a stop for a moment, to contemplate a choice. 

The mountains would, inevitably, lead to an ocean. Water leads to civilization. Civilization leads to people. People lead me to…  _ where would I even go? My home? They told me it’s nothing but rubble. My birthplace? They told me it was sacked, looted, destroyed. My family? Were they even alive? Was anyone I knew… long ago… still alive? They claimed my family was alive. One cousin leading forces into a death trap, the other… still holding a castle with a thousand against a hundred thousand. Or was that an old memory?  _ I couldn’t derive the truth, there was no sense of passing time in that place, for all I knew that was news from two weeks ago. 

The mountains could lead me to civilization, sure. I didn’t want to find ‘civilization’, though. A town would just bring multiple people into contact with me.  _ Not all of them are out to kill me, I’d guess, but it’s still small enough that I would stick out, and large enough that a potential hunter would head there. _ A city, they’re large enough to vanish in, assuming I could find a way to vanish into them, but these cone-tops,  _ what’s their name? _ , and the snowy peaks suggested that I was somewhere with no cities.  _ People don’t build cities in such chilly climates. Whether it’s in the north or south or a mountain range in the temperate regions… I don’t know.  _

A village, maybe a hamlet somewhere in the mountains, that’d be perfect, was what I concluded.  _ That’d be all I can get _ . A little village somewhere, too small for anyone to care about, so long as they weren’t full of enemy loyalists, all I needed to do was pick up an alias. I looked at my arms. I now bore many more reminders of my ‘actions against the Spirits’, but no amount of water whips could stop me from training myself. Just as no amount stopped me from managing my time well. 

Some were water whips, some were ice knives, some were regular knives.  __ Sometimes, it was an attempt to get me to confess to those dreaded actions against the Spirits. Sometimes, knowledge of worldly affairs that I couldn’t possibly have had.  _ Or if I did, I wasn’t going to break _ . Sometimes, they just wanted to have fun. When you have a plaything at your hands, you enjoy it, no? Sometimes, it was experimentation. Waterbending can heal any chest, waist, leg, arm, hand, foot, and shoulder wounds, or so they all learned.

_ I could show up somewhere, I can cut a tree down, I still know how to swing a dao, as yesterday shows, which means I probably can still swing an axe. I can swing an axe. I can chop wood. After all this, the only thing stopping me is energy. Assuming this isn’t a dream, that is. A dream caused by the potions, and it’s on the more vivid side.  _

I chose going into the mountains. Mountains have valleys. Valleys sometimes have villages. If not a village, then I’d do with a collection of cottages. Or less, if I had to.  _ I just want to get somewhere. Please. Somewhere _ . So I took my eel-hound, it wasn’t actually mine, and travelled eastwards. I followed animal trails through the thick cone-topped forests, then crossed the meadows when possible.  _ Are they thick? I don’t remember forests being so… spaced out. Though I also don’t remember the Sun being so big. _

I derived that I was going east. The Sun had breached the thickets  _ ahead  _ of me this…  _ morning? _ ... from behind the cloud bank, then rose to be high to my right, then lowered itself towards a moderate height behind me.  _ It’s moving too slowly, right? Since when have mornings and afternoons been so long?  _

Sometimes, I’d circle around myself, going east, then north, then west, then north again, then south, all in an attempt to act like someone who was losing his mind or had no idea where he was going.  _ I didn’t know where I was going, as I didn’t know where I was. I knew that riding chaotically would help throw off my trail.  _

By duskfall, I was working my way up a valley. A stream wormed its way back and forth, with cone-topped trees acting like it’s shields to either side. Eel-hounds can run on water, so I simply followed the stream upwards. When we would reach a waterfall of some sort, I’d circle around the side, climbing up the long way if I had to. An eel-hound doesn’t mind ascending a forest slope. This journey was far from ‘fast’. Lots of backtracking to figure out the way up. Lots of times I stopped and thought about camping ‘here’ or ‘there’.  _ A little piece of meadow next to a stream overlooking the direction my pursuers would be coming from.  _ I always came to the same conclusion:  _ I want to get as far away as possible.  _

Ironically, all their questioning about the population density of this province or that commandery, questions I lied through my teeth about, answers that I faced punishment for, reminded me that the continent I was on was a continent of hundreds of millions of people.  _ I have to be on the Earth continent. The Fire Nation’s too tropical. The Air Temple Islands lack enough plains or flat land for this. The Water Tribes… are frigid icebergs with a dusting of savages on top _ .  _ Savages that I will drive from this continent with a flaming sword.  _

This was a continent of countless millions.  _ Countless millions means someone is probably living somewhere in this large expanse of nothingness.  _ I told myself this time and time again as I passed forests with no cottages, crossed a river with no defined fords, rode down a path with no signs of habitation, and looked across sprawling meadows with no farm plots. Still, I  _ knew  _ someone had to be out there, for even the least populated commandery can have a few thousand people in it, and people live in houses, except for the savages. 

I had to climb up the side of a mountain in pitch black darkness, guided by the scar, I recently learned it’s called “The Silver River”, crossing the night sky, to finally make some progress. The thousands and thousands of stars up there gave me enough light to see my way up to a small mountain plateau. From this plateau, I took a moment to pause, rest my legs and eat. I watched a falling star as it crossed the sky, from what I’d guess was north to south.  _ Was it an omen of the Spirits? No, why would it be? An omen of Agni? Maybe. Dozens of stars fall each night, every night.  _ During this respite, I dined on some squares of bread. Not the best ration, but all the other food in the room was quite perishable. 

It was up on this little plateau that I looked out and spotted a sign of  _ humanity _ .

Down in a valley to… well I couldn’t place it, judging by the falling star, it was to my northeast-east, was something lit up. I didn’t have a Colonial telescope to identify what kind of structure it was, just that there was a yellow light coming from inside some kind of hole,  _ a window? Opened shutters?,  _ I didn’t know. I do know what fire looks like.  _ It’s orange-yellow.  _ So, after chewing down another one of these little bread squares, I got back on my eel-hound and rode off.  _ I will find this humanity.  _

Another… I’d guess two  _ dian  _ came and went while I figured out how to get down a mountain in the dark. I followed game paths, what little I could see, as I went from on the side of a mountain to down in a river valley. Once in said valley, I only needed to arrange myself properly. A river valley is a  _ valley _ , so it wasn’t that hard to go up the valley. I made a left and followed the river, it was actually a creek, up from where I was towards where I thought the house was. All the while, I had to go slowly, this light was  _ a  _ light. I needed to be slow if I wanted a chance to locate it. 

Sure enough, the classic principle of people living near water applied. A pier jutted out from a clearing in between the forest, and a house just inland of it. The house had a high pitched roof, and it was…  _ well, is that a large house? When was the last time I saw a house? _ . It had a second-story loft. That’s all I could make out. It  _ seemed  _ larger than I remember houses being. 

I dismounted my eel-hound some thirty or forty paces from the house, with the intention of showing that I wasn’t going to ride by and, I don’t know, lance them. I held the mount by it’s leash as I approached.  _ Now, are these people hospitable or not? _ I walked up to the door and knocked on it, then took a few steps back. A curtain behind a window was slightly moved, just a little, which caught my attention, which caught the pair of eyes’ attention. We locked eyes, I heard a man’s voice, then saw the door open -it creaked- to reveal a man a head shorter than I, dressed in a fur robe of some kind. He was joined by a woman slightly taller than him, wearing a reddish-black dress. Both had black hair, pulled back into topknots. 

“Good evening,” the man said. The words were supposed to be uttered in a calm soft welcoming tone, but in his voice, they were harsh. A harsh accent of a harsh climate. ‘ _ Good evening’ _ .  _ I remember when people used to say that and… meant well _ . While I paused to think his comment through, his wife turned her palm upwards and produced a wick of flame, a torch,  _ light _ .  _ What do I say to him? _ , I wondered. 

It felt so strange to request something of another person, someone I didn’t want to kill. I fumbled through the sentence. “I was… looking to… stay… the night.” and I raised my hands to offer a bow to them. The man looked at his wife, then back at me. “You’re wounded. What happened to you?”  _ What happened to me?  _ I tried to think back to the most recent memory that wasn’t that… cell. I looked at my arms, they were bruised, that was correct. 

_ What happened to me? I… I was in a battle _ . “I fought in a battle.” 

“Oh? Where?”  _ Where? The grassy field. Red flowers. The… I led an army. We… I led an army, long ago. I led an army, my Empress commanded me to. I led an army, I had a flaming jian in my hand. We marched on New Taku. We marched on it. Did… Guiren. Did... Song.  _ I voiced my inner thoughts, “Did Guiren ever make it?” which made the two of them look at me funny. “Who’s Guiren?” ‘ _ Who’s Guiren?’  _ I felt a cold shiver run down my back.  _ I’m supposed to tell someone who a general is… but these people are asking for curiosity.  _

“I fought… at New Taku. I was in the battle. I…”  _ A wave of grey tunics, ostrich horse riders, they swamped us, they cut starved men down, but… we made them bleed. We were the phantoms, the last of our kind, the old guard, we were already dead. We made them bleed. The Makapuans. And the Colonials. And the Xishaners. And Uzluk. And… Zhu… we… were so close. Zhu… I should have sent you home. You didn’t deserve it.  _

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I fell to my knees and started crying. “I… was in the battle… I lost.” “Which battle? The fourth battle at New Taku? Who did you fight for?”  _ Fourth? Fourth? There have been four?  _ I looked up at them. 

I was trained to answer this honestly, I was trained to be honest, and this time, I felt like being honest. “I fought for the Empire. The Earth Empire,” and then I collapsed to the ground. 

To my surprise, the man walked up to me and grabbed me. “Ume, tie up the eel-hound,” he said, while slinging my arm around his shoulder. “On it,” the woman replied with a confident voice. “You’ll be alright, young man,” he said, far softer than usual.  _ I’ll be alright?  _ I shivered at the thought. The last time someone said that… well… I didn’t end up alright. And yet, this man shorter than I was able to -at least partially- carry, or rather drag, me inside his cottage. “We’ll get you somewhere warm, and you’ll be alright.”

Feeling the soft warm embers of a fireplace was enough to make me relax. I think I was freezing to death. I just… didn’t notice it, because the passion to escape burned brighter than any possible pains from doing  _ whatever it takes _ , or took. That soft, welcoming, heat, natural heat, heat that was warm, not cold, it made me pass out.  _ Was I safe? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. I wanted to rest. My body had gone as far as it could, and so now I rested _ .

I woke up, someone had put a fur blanket on me. The room had log walls. There was one dresser, stuck between two closed shutters. Light poured in through the shutters.  _ A blanket instead of nothing _ .  _ Logs instead of that wet black stone. A dresser instead of nothing.  _ I didn’t know if it was real or not. I pinched my arm while under the blanket. I didn’t know if it was because I pinched a bruise or not, but I quietly yelped.  _ This is real. I’m in a house somewhere _ .  _ This is real, or it’s one of those vivid potion-fueled… dreams. _ I sat up, as if to try to remember my bearings. I looked at the shutters,  _ it’s light out, it’s daytime _ , then I looked towards the doorway, to which it was wide open. 

I normally wake to nobody being around. Except if I’m woken up. But…  _ I’m safe here, right? _ . I yelled “Anyone around?” in the hopes of someone coming over and…  _ I don’t know? Maybe they’ll help me? They haven’t killed me, yet, so there’s that _ . Some young girl walked over to the doorway, holding a doll. She couldn’t be much older than twelve or thirteen. She wore a simple red dress. When she saw me sitting up and looking back at her, she and her little feet went and pitter-pattered out of my eyesight. The front door creaked open, and I heard her run off somewhere. 

Both man and woman went back inside, paused to do something,  _ I couldn’t see, I could only see down the aisle _ , then walked down the aisle to greet me. “I see you’re up” the middle-aged woman said with a sweet tone. I shrugged. “I’m not really  _ up _ , am I?” since, if this was a dream, I might as well make some light of it. If it wasn’t a dream, well,  _ hey, it’s not the worst position I’ve woken in lately. _ While she presented me a bowl of soup, or it looked like soup,  _ that’s what soup looks like, _ the man asked “What’s your name? And… do you have a title?” 

_ My name. My title.  _ “Forgive me… it’s been a while” and I raised my hand to stall for time. The woman turned to the man and whispered “A concussion?” and the man slowly nodded. I heard that. I don’t think they knew I heard that.  _ My name. I was born with a name. The characters for it looked like three trees. But… I haven’t been called by that name since… since that time… in the gardens… with Toph _ .  _ And… my titles. Long… long ago. Long ago I had a paragraph of titles. I was a commander, I led men into battle, I led men until I lost. I was a famed duelist… but famed duelists can’t defeat overwhelming numbers. I was the Emperor. My word was law across the continent, until the continent rebelled against my word, or so I was told. For I was the Emperor, and the Emperor was who ran the nation. The Emperor was the one who seduced his way into power. The tyrant who wanted to destabilize the world and bring back the days of Sozin. A beast who wanted to kill the Avatar.  _

_ I was the Emperor. The Emperor to an Empress. Not the other way around. Empress, I swore I’d avenge all who wronged you, who usurped you, who sided with those who usurped you. I swore and I swear, and I will. They called me many names, titles I didn’t have, they twisted the titles I did have. Those titles will return.  _

I couldn’t give those titles. Nor could I mention my affiliation with my Empress.  _ I’m a free man now.  _ “I am Hayashi, son of…”  _ was it Tao? Toshi? _ ... “...I think my father’s name was Toshi. I was a… I was a commander.” Neither of those were lies. At least, I was once called ‘Hayashi’ by the people.  _ Wait… but they’ll… but they’ll know Hayashi _ .  _ Or… will they It’s a common name. _ I stiffened up, thinking the world was out to get me. I was about to say ‘My name is actually-’ but I had nothing to replace it. Besides, they interrupted my attempt with “It’s okay, Hayashi, you’ll be okay,” and the woman pushed the bowl into my hands. 

I forgot to revert to a beast of a man and swipe away at any food offered to them.  _ The food and drink was poisoned.  _ I drank it up. It tasted like the fanciest imported cuts of…  _ I don’t even know how to explain it _ . Like some kind of fancy meat, like a pig-chicken steak stuffed into a bowl coated in the richest spices. It felt like drinking water after being in a desert. It wasn’t too hot, but it wasn’t freezing cold. I downed the whole thing in one gulp. “What’s in this?” I asked, unable to keep myself from smiling at the woman.  _ It’s a real drink.  _

She started counting the ingredients off on her fingers. “Raspberries, beets, blueberries, peas, oh, and some quail-ptarmigan grease to help with the flavor.”  _ Raspberries… wait…  _ once again, I spoke my thoughts out loud. “Was I imagining flavors in my head?” She gave a sideways glance at the man, he nodded, then she slowly drew out a “You were.” I didn’t know if she was referring to me or that conversation she had earlier. The man looked my head over. “You said you fought for…” and he paused, probably to let me fill it in myself. “The Empire, good sir.” 

The man’s eyes widened slightly, but he held himself from widening them further. The woman’s eyes did, too, except she was even more reserved about it. When my look of being unsure didn’t do anything to them, she said “That was a year ago.”  _ A year ago.  _ “What do you mean ‘a year ago’? It was-” I momentarily paused to think about it,  _ I couldn’t have been there for more than a few months, right? _ .  _ A few weeks, right? A hundred days, a hundred fifty days, not much more, right?  _ “-a few weeks or months ago.” She shook her head. “The last time the Empire attacked New Taku was… when the Mad One-Eyed Badgermole held off the New Takuan forces…” 

_It was a year ago. That’d explain the warm weather yesterday, but… a year ago._ I cut her off. “It can’t be. It can’t be a year ago. I know it can’t. It felt like… last season to me.” _It was, wasn’t it?_ “So… you were in a coma since then?” I tried to think about it. _I can’t say I was a prisoner. But I also can’t deny that I was… or am… out of touch. It’s been a year. A year. How?_ “Yes,” I replied. Metaphorically, it was correct. _Just as a comatose person regains their agency, so did I_. _A different sort of agency, though._

I spent too long lying in beds as of late. As such, I handed the bowl back to her, sat up, swung my legs off the comfortable frame, and got up. I found myself standing well above the two of them. I tried to do my hair into a topknot, but  _ no, it’s far too short. _ “You were a commander?” the man asked, looking up at me.  _ I was a commander. I was so much more than that.  _ “I…” I looked at the shutters,  _ it’s daytime,  _ then adjusted my gaze back at them. “I don’t… I don’t want to…” but the woman probably saw the look in my one eye and put her hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay, you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.” The man nodded. “Any sons of the Empire are welcome in this house. Anyone who behaves honorably is.” The woman took her hands off my shoulders. “You should go back to sleep, Hayashi.” I couldn’t help but ask “Why?” to which the woman gestured to the shutters. 

“It was a time of good reaping and sowing. It was a time when the streams were bountiful and the forests were full of game. It was a good time to be young.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Those were prosperous years-” the man jutted in. “-we shall never have their likes again.” “And what’s  _ that  _ supposed to mean?” The woman traded a glance, then gave me a weak smile. “You need to rest, Hayashi.” Since I nodded, though it was more of an involuntary acceptance of ‘that might be a good idea’, the two took to leaving me to my chambers. They both wished me a good rest and departed. 

As I lay in bed, looking up at the high ceiling,  _ is it really that high, or were the cell ceilings just made to be small to make me feel cramped?,  _ I tried my hardest to go back to bed. However, the light -what little there was coming in through the window- kept me awake. I didn’t want to go to sleep.  _ It’s light. It’s sunlight. Real sunlight, not lantern light.  _ I couldn’t sleep with real sunlight, even glimpses of it, pouring in. Like a parched man, I needed  _ more _ . I think I was parched. An inner fire in my chest yearned for more. 

I tied on my brown robes. Once again, I tried to tie my hair into a topknot, but it was far too short for it.  _ Perhaps it’s a good thing, easier to hide short hair than long hair. It also keeps my appearance more ambiguous. I’m just another auburn haired man with one eye. It’s a country of millions, surely there’s more than a few of us _ .  _ All those Earth Islanders… some of them have the hair color. The books from the long long ago confirmed it.  _ When I walked over to the door, I, for a moment, expected that if I opened it - _ how? Wouldn’t it be locked?, Oh, nevermind _ \- I’d immediately get grabbed by a guard, hit square on the head ‘for the fun of it’, and tossed back in. 

Nope.  _ Because I am a free man _ . Instead, I left my room. There was a washroom, a bit primitive; next to it was another bedroom, except this one had a few dolls lying about and had a red dress lying on the bed; next to it was yet another bedroom like the one I was in; adjacent to it, a large bedroom with a double bed and multiple dressers; then the aisle gave way to the living room. The living room wasn’t that big, sure, but it had a fireplace, and some fur cushions, and some fur throws on the floor. The kitchen, meanwhile, wasn’t its own room, but tucked into two of the corners of the living room. The dining table was placed halfway between the living room and kitchen. 

I walked and looked around to the beat of chopping wood. Long ago, I would have said that I’d repay someone who treated me well. I remember…  _ I paid more than I needed to for those provisions in the lands of Makapu. Those slabs of meat and those berries and the fish and those peaches.  _ In reflection, it wasn’t much of a waste. I overpaid them all, just to ensure they’d survive the winter. What these two people did, even giving me a room for a single night, and food, all without asking anything from me.  _ I owe you both.  _ I also resolved to  _ one  _ way of repaying them, that sound of chopping wood.  _ Chopping wood. I think I can still chop wood. No. I know I can.  _

As I tried to go out the front door, I heard the sounds of barking.  _ Nan? Could it be? My lovable friend? The best good boy? _ Nope. A wolf-dog barked, but the man’s voice yelled out “Get back here, Kimi!” and the wolf-dog ceased it’s barking.  _ Kimi. The name of the wolf-dog is Kimi.  _ My mind quickly associated the other name I heard earlier. _ The woman’s name is Ume. Right _ . The man then opened the door and came head-to-chin with me while his brown coated wolf-dog tried to press it’s way between us. “Hayashi…” the man began, but I cut him off. 

I summoned a bit of confidence, a token of assertiveness. “I’d like to chop some wood.” I was  _ proud _ .  _ I know I can chop wood.  _ I didn’t ask to chop some wood, I said it. I didn’t need to ask. The man looked me over, as if to visually examine me, then concluded “No, you’re concussed.”  _ I am not that concussed.  _ “I can still chop wood,” I said, less assertive. “You’re concussed, Hayashi,” he replied while giving his wolf-dog a scratch behind the white tipped ears. My confidence was like a lapse, not because of my choosing, but from my own insecurity. “I...know I can.” He pursed his lips. “ _ No _ , you’re going to chop off your hand… or something.” So… I did the first thing that came to mind to resolve this. I lowered myself to my knees. “Let, me, chop, wood.” and I stressed the next part, “ _ Please _ ... Let me. Let me start on small trees, or something.” 

Maybe I was concussed. Maybe I was losing my mind. Maybe I hadn’t escaped and this was just the latest of the Herbalists’ ‘Research and Development’ ‘drinks’, a new potion they made, and I was actually stuck in a room, imagining all this, while a selection of figures watched and took notes.  _ It couldn’t be, though, could it? Everything was too vivid. Then again… they were vivid experiences.  _

No, no matter how much you force someone to drink, you can’t just ‘awaken’ their ‘inner bending potential.’ No, some chemical combinations…  _ that’s another reason I have to go far. People must know. Chemicals that melted organs. Cutting people open to examine the aftereffects. Waterbending that cut then mended and cut and mended. Potions that caused a minor cut on a hand to lead to major blood loss. Figuring out the correct mixture of substances to cause someone to turn blind, or sterilized them. And the leeching. The blood leeching. They needed blood, they needed good blood, they had blood.  _ At least poison is poison. Then again… maybe all of this  _ was  _ a figment of my imagination. It would’ve made sense. I like cone-topped trees,  _ what are they called? _ , I like sunlight, I like wolf-dogs, and I like snow. 

By the time my mind had returned to consciousness, I was being licked by a wolf-dog.  _ This must be real. Right? _ The wolf-dog gave my hands and arms a sniff and a lick.  __ “I did make it…” I said quietly. This axe-wielding man knelt to look me in my good eye. He was middle-aged. Some grey roots in the black. “You’re not alright, Hayashi.”  _ Not alright? I’m perfectly breathing _ . “I might not be. But… what’s your name? And… can I cut some trees?” 

He sighed. He couldn’t counter my persistence, even if my persistence sounded like I wanted to suffer a breakdown. “Ryota, if you want, get to collecting some branches, then bring them to me. I think you should go back to sleep, I’ll have Ume-” but I walked around him and went outside, the wolf-dog giving chase.  _ I’m not going back to sleep. Then maybe this potion will stop working and I’ll find out I’m getting my leg cut open for some new waterbending ‘medical discovery’. Nope. I’ll take the world of being awake instead, thanks.  _

The outside world. I was bathed in sunlight. I knelt towards the low Sun in the south. I only had a few sunrays getting through the trees, but I didn’t care.  _ It’s more than enough _ . I loudly proclaimed “I thank you, Agni, for bringing the light that casts the darkness away!” and gave the ground a full kowtow. A full kowtow. I hadn’t been allowed to do such an act of fealty since…  _ the night before New Taku _ . I kowtowed towards the Sun since I had no idea where the Imperial Palace was. I kowtowed just as I used to, every morning, every time I prayed, and every time I was summoned to the person whom I shared a bed with. 

Ryota gave me some distance as he approached from the side, “Would… Hayashi… would you like to join me in prayer, then?” I nodded. “Of course, I…” then I rose myself from my kowtow. “Sorry, I’ve… I miss the sunlight.” To my surprise, Ryota didn’t react with any shock or anger, he gave me a pat on the back. “That’s fine, sir. We all miss the sunlight. Such is why we request that Agni bring the dawn.” 

He knelt next to me. “Do you… know the prayers?” I was going to shake my head, but I stopped. “I do. I know some in the Makapuan Style, and some in the Fire Nation Style.” “Well…” he smiled, “...my family prays to Agni, the Sun King, who watches over Earth and Fire alike. So… if you know that style… then I’ll call out the prayers and you respond. If not, we welcome any styles. In this day and age…” he sighed, “...there’s enough bloodshed without the religious differences.”  _ In this day and age… What even is this day and age? And differences? Sure, there’s a thousand different spiritualities on the Earth continent… but there always were.  _

He knelt. “Agni, we thank You for guarding our ancestors. We thank You for guarding the seats of our ancestors. We thank You for granting each of us an inner flame.” I tried my best to say what I  _ think  _ is the proper response. “Agni, we thank You for guarding us…” but my prolonged pause of ‘I have no idea what I’m saying’ made Ryota correct me. “We thank You for guarding our families and our homes.” He didn’t look annoyed at my misstep, he continued. “Agni, we thank You for granting our blood the gift of firebending.” I had no response. I stayed quiet. 

He carried on, shouting “Agni, guide us in light!” I had no response. I wasn’t going to pretend I did. No point. “Agni, guide us in darkness!”  _ This  _ I knew the response to. “Agni, protect us from the darkness!”. I saw the hint of a smile on his face, even though his eyes were closed and his hands in a bow. “Agni, protect His Royal Majesty, Fire Lord Zuko!”  _ Fire Lord… Fire Lord Zuko. So Zuko’s still around. And he’s Fire Lord.  _ Just when I thought this man was done, he did pause for a few moments, he gave a final prayer. “Agni, bring an end to the warlords!” followed by “Agni-” he let a quiet  _ “-please-” _ escape his lips, “-protect my sons Taeko and Seiji.”

He rose soon after. I had so much to say and so many more ideas that had run through my head during this. The biggest items I needed to process were  _ warlords  _ and  _ Zuko _ . After he thanked me, “Thank you for joining me in prayer. I know you may not know them, and it’s alright,” I took to thinking of some questions. I needed a little time to think. He went off to grab and axe a third his length and start chopping into wood. His wolf-dog ran up to me and sniffed me, then ran off to… do whatever wolf-dogs do.  _ Run around?  _

I found that it was easier to think while doing some labor. I grabbed a thick branch, probably taken from the lower parts of the most recently fallen tree. The moment I took this branch, I felt that it was  _ flimsy. So flimsy _ .  _ Like the neck of that guard.  _ So I, against his requests, broke the branch in two with my knee. He turned around at the sound of the snap and went slack-jawed. “That’s…” but he didn’t manifest more than a surprised expression. “I told you, I’m good at this.” and I casually carried two halves of the branch, one in either hand, and placed them on the gathered firewood pile next to the rest of the supplies. 

While he was doing nothing, and I was doing nothing, I had the chance to ask “Where are we, Ryota? Like… I know it’s the Earth continent, but what province? Commandery?”  _ Do commanderies even still exist? Did these ‘warlords’ destroy them? Did the Avatar’s forces destroy them? _ “Southeastern Baohai, Hayashi.”  _ Southeastern Baohai… that’s… where do I know Baohai. Baohai is a province. Baohai the province… next to Huping.  _ “The far northwest of the Empire.” 

_One of the farthest… just across from the Western Air Temple_. _There’s an Imperial outpost somewhere in the eastern Western Air Temple islands… right? There were Fire Nation settlements there, right? There must’ve been._ _There must be Imperial posts up here. I know there are. Or there were._ My sidetracking made me stand idle, a one-eyed stare off into the far distance. This was broken with Ryota waving his hand in front of my face. 

“Ah, yes, yes” I muttered, shaking sense into myself. “And…”  _ there’s more questions I have. I know there are.  _ “What of the warlords? You mentioned warlords?” “You… right, you’ve been knocked out for… since the First Battle of New Taku. There…” he backed up, “...I don’t know if it’s twenty, or fifteen, but…” he took another sigh, “...you know the old Empire’s provinces, right?”  _ Provinces? That was… we made that a thing? I thought we were going to. A Province for an army. A long term goal on our road to centralization, a reformation of the hierarchy of government _

I sat down on a tree stump. “I know… I know… we once had provinces, but during the Hundred Year War…” some memories from long ago returned, “...Wei-Hung…” suddenly, with the spark of that name,  _ Toph’s predecessor’s father, _ I felt like I had a voice I hadn’t used since long ago, a voice with a noble tone. It wasn’t some voice, it was  _ my  _ voice. Oh, I had been using a voice while in my confinement, but there was no point in acting like some noble, with that noble accent. I was a beast, afterall. But now,  _ I am a free man.  _

I put my fist in my palm. “Right, so, the province system had to be abolished in many places due to the push-and-pull of the Hundred Year War. We gained regions on campaigns, we lost them when the Royal Fire Army smashed us in battle after battle. As such, the only lands that remained under the direct authority of the Governors were the de jure lands of Dongfang, Nantu, Nanchang, Taizigou, Liaoyang, and even less often, but occasionally, Gaolan. But…” I had to pause, the more recent memories were harder to say “...the Council of Five created the Banner Armies, which were going to rule over titular regions, even if the regions did not have Governors. We were going to create twenty, twenty five provinces, based on the old system. Each one would have between three and eight commanderies.”

I don’t know if he understood what I was saying. Towards the end, I hardly knew what I was saying. But at the beginning… I felt like a bolt of lightning had struck me and reawoken knowledge I had tucked away and assumed never needed again.  _ And all it took was… wait. Is this reality? Or did they give me some potion to make me say that. Oh… no…  _ I stiffened my back.  _ Oh, no… that’s why he asked. He asked to find out. To try and make me say more. That’s why he asked.  _

“You’re trying to get information out of me, aren’t you?” Ryota raised an eyebrow. “No… I’m not. I just wanted to know if you knew so it’d help with explaining what’s happened. But you… you know more than you let on, Hayashi.  _ I  _ didn’t even know that fact of Earth King Wei-Hung.” Then he left his axe freestanding and rested both hands on it’s axehead, the flat part of the axehead. “How did you learn these things, Hayashi?” 

_ Wait… I’m an idiot. It was real. And I just confessed your secret to this man. Or… did I? _ . “I was a commander, I told you. Commanders have to be in the know about this.”  _ I was a commander. The memory, the title, I was an Imperial Commander _ . He pulled on his wide pig-goatee. “You were a learned man. The warlords of today… they’re not all as learned.”  _ The warlords _ .  _ Warlords. There are warlords.  _

“What of the ‘warlords’. Where did they come from? You mentioned two different numbers.” I could’ve tried to come to these conclusions on my own,  _ warlords come from unrest, he mentioned provinces, so they probably rose up in different places _ , but instead I let him tell me. “The warlords… most are ex-Imperial Army officers, a few were  _ daofei  _ before they took to commanding large forces. There were ex-Imperial Generals, like the Lord of Boshan, but most were high-ranked Imperials who went back to their homelands and… I don’t know how to say it.”

I tried to draw a conclusion for him. “They’re all fighting one another? What’s the point? War for war’s sake? Establishing petty fiefdoms? Claim the Mandate?” He rubbed his eyelids. “I don’t know, exactly. Some of them claim to defend the Badgermole Throne’s current occupant. Some use their single drop of royal blood to claim the Badgermole Throne. Some probably just want to secede. There’s fifteen of them.”

_ So the country is in chaos _ .  _ Is everyone against us? What happened to Toph? Fifteen. Fifteen out of twenty five provinces.  _ “And, what of the people? What of the Empire? What of Her Imperial Majesty, the Earth Empress?” He looked solemnly, almost bittersweetly, at the ground. “The Earth Empire has not fallen. There are swaths of land still under the control of officers loyal to Her Imperial Majesty. Most of the common peasants, like us… we’re loyal to Her Imperial Majesty. As my wife said, the time under her reign, it was a good time. There’s a minority, mostly in the capital and Dongfang that support the Hou-Ting Restoration, and there’s others, out for themselves.”  _ Hou-Ting… _

_ He didn’t answer my question _ . “What  _ of  _ the Earth Empress? Where is my dear Toph?” “Toph?” he said the name like he’d never heard of that name. “Her Imperial Majesty is rumored to be locked up somewhere. The Avatar had her locked up. Somewhere. We don’t know where, just the rumors” Before he could say anything further, I heard enough. I straightened myself. “I’m coming, Toph.” “Why call her that?” he asked aloud. 

At this point, I broke from that ‘no spilling secrets’. I broke from it. “She’s my betrothed. The Empire is  _ Her  _ Empire. This continent is hers. Not the warlords. Not the New Takuans. Not the Avatar’s. All these squabbling warlords?” I reached over and grabbed that axe, then walked over to the chopping block. “They’re all going to be purged. One by one-” I waved the axe at him, “-I swear to you, one by one, they will be purged.” I brought the axe down and cut the tree branch in twain.

“The traitors first.”  _ Chop. _ “The Avatar needs not worry, though, the Badgermole is coming for him.” _ Chop.  _

“You’re…” I saw his face. I saw him put the pieces together. I watched him look me over, the messy auburn beard was new, the short hair was new, but I was just as tall as before, and my one eye stilled glared with intent. He dropped into a kowtow. “ _ Your Majesty _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all of those who comment, thank you!
> 
> A few notes:  
> -Why 'Chapter One'? This isn't recorded in his old journal, it's recorded in a new one.  
> -Where is everyone? What happened to him? All those other mysteries established? They will be   
> -Why is this chapter so short? The first few chapters of Act II are shorter than the rest. 
> 
> -Where have I been? I have been writing Act II for the past 4 months, on and off. Approximately 400k words/40 chapters written so far for it. I needed to write that far into the story before I started publishing, as it's easier to connect earlier chapters with later ones once the later ones have been written.  
> -What's my goal? I'm 40 chapters into a story that will last for another ~150 at the minimum.   
> -Am I crazy? Probably.   
> -Do I have the lowest kudos per word count for stories over 1 million in all of Ao3? I'm probably up there (20k words per kudos) but I don't mind. I'm writing this story for myself.
> 
> -Where's 'A Nation in Ashes'? I have the motivation to write it, but I'd rather get to a specific point in this story before I resume that one.


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